#i'm instantly healed
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THIS IS A MOMENT IN HISTORY!!!
THE REST OF THE REBELS SOUND TRACK IS ON SPOTIFY LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOO!!!! SEASON 3 AND SEASON 4 BABY!!
AND ALL OF THE TBB S3 IS ON SPOTIFY NOW RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
#screaming crying throwing up#i'd given up hope that i would never get the rest of the rebels soundtrack#omg#i cannot believe it#i'm instantly healed#in shambles#oh my god#tbb s3#sw rebels#rebels#star wars rebels#the bad batch#tbb
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Wow I'm still sick
#it's been over a week now#I'm behind but have been catching up on linktober- I'm grateful for having a long weekend#but I feel terrible and need to go back to work today#definitely at risk of sinus infections and stuff by now. it's been over a WEEK#bleh. I'm too young for this. weakened immune system chronic disability bullshit#I started taking a sinus medicine and instantly had EXTREMELY vivid nightmares and had to stop#idk what to do man#poking my body like heal please#you better yet girl?#personal
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can you guys pray against harley listeria arc i'm starting to get put into some sort of misery hole
#harley screams#if i find out the fucking ham from earlier in the month got thrown out for exactly that reason i'm killing everyone. it vanished instantly#whatever maybe a shower will heal me
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FUCKING FINALLY
#decided to finally play the game on violent difficulty with the full arsenal update#but i must've gotten worse at the game or something cause i was struggling on P-1 for way too long#replaying this level on violent has rekindled my hatred for the FUCKING FLESH PRISON#FUCK THAT STUPID SELF-HEALING PIECE OF SHIT I THINK I DIED TO IT MORE THAN MINOS HIMSELF#like does it spawn more eyes on violent or something?!#I kept doing the core nuke strat but somehow like half the eyes survived 60% of the time and it just respawned them nearly instantly#like im happy i finally P-ranked it but at the same time i'm annoyed cause I know P-1 shouldn't be THAT much more difficult than on standar#so now I just feel like i've gotten worse at the game 😔#flesh prison shoulda been a pushover im so fucking upset#p.s. i never even p-ranked P-2 on standard I am not gonna try#rambling#vent#ultrakill
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oogh i forgot how fun and nice pokemon moon is....
#ignore me#idk what the General Opinion on the game is but i have always loved it. i think it looks and sounds and plays and feels great#pokemon refresh is the best version of the interact with yr pkmn feature im so sad we lost the ability to PAT#NO to pokemon instantly recovering from status effects after fights. YES to wiping medicine on yr pokemon to heal & bond with them#i didnt even start with a planned team i'm just gonna let the whims take me. alolan meowth my beloved.
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a lot of the time when I get BJ on the brain I tend to loop around to thinking about Period of Adjustment so while I'm on the topic of BJ's anger I do wonder how much of his meanness from that point onwards is his attempt to redirect his anger so that he doesn't physically harm anyone again
#mash#bj hunnicutt#I'm into s10 and so far he hasn't had another violent outburst besides like. hitting the pinball machine in Wheelers and Dealers#besides that he's made maybe a couple of threats#so I do wonder how much of his meanness is him trying to not lash out physically like that again#BJ hates violence so I don't think it's a stretch to assume his actions in that episode probably shook him up#not to mention the aftermath#he moves a bit too quick near Hawkeye in the scrub room a couple days later and Hawkeye flinches back from him#just for a brief second he looks at him with alarm and his black eye hasn't quite healed yet#before he relaxes and makes a joke to cover it up and dismiss it#but BJ is left there with the guilt consuming him instantly#so he promises himself he's never gonna let anything like that happen ever again#not to anyone and especially not to Hawkeye#but promises don't fix the anger growing inside of him every day so he turns mean#because sure it's not better to be mean than to be violent#but at least nobody looks at him with fear#again I ask where was my BJ and Sidney episode
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yeah he gets to "complain" all he wants actually
#sorry wanted all these caps here#sam: give this antichrist kid you may have to KILL one day all the love you gave me and do it instantly and without limit#that is how we save him and more importantly rewrite my childhood and heal my leftover insecurities. i'm normal btw#they're both so messed up and projecting all over the place that's what makes it fun!!#supernatural#whatever this is#jack kline#s13#patience#the big empty
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when you're clearly your therapist's favourite mess and she slots you in whenever you need even though her online calendar is booked solid for weeks in advance
#personal#novatherapy#she also texts me advice and articles/podcasts bc she knows i like to work on this stuff outside of therapy too she's an angel#and i had to travel across the country to find her lmao i'm so glad she agreed to keep seeing me online even when i moved back home#i honestly fucking love my therapist and the kind of therapy i'm doing (emdr)#nothing has ever worked so quickly to like...subconsciously dissolve the years of trauma#i just wake up 1-2 weeks after whatever topic/memory i processed and think huh...that doesn't bother me now#just thinking about it doesn't make my heart race or bring tears to my eyes instantly anymore#and doing it without having the exact same wounds i'm TRYING TO HEAL being prodded everyday by the person i was living with is glorious#it's going like 300% faster than it used to#i sleep better i have more energy#like i'm still SAD but like...i'm functioning. i can work. i'm not bedridden and just wanting to smoke weed and watch tv.#and that's everything to me#it's giving me my life back and i'm so thankful#trauma therapy#emdr
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#lately I've been thinking about how he says he cares about me and still loves me and is sorry#that he's still the same person and nothing has changed#but that doesn't change the fact that he broke me#the person i thought i would heal with was the one who finally pushed me past the point of no return#i want to tell him in detail the things i want to do to myself because of him#i want to really drill the point home that I relapsed directly because of him#that i ordered box cutters and bandages to start the habit up again in a big way#all because of him#i want him to find me in the bathtub one day#drained of blood with a letter detailing how much i love him and how much he ruined me#i want him to be haunted by what he did to me#i want the guilt to eat him alive#i want him to hear my name and instantly have the image of my cold dead corpse flash by while the guilt seeps into his bones#i haven't ever wanted to kill myself as much as i do now#I'm realizing i don't care if me killing myself affects him anymore#i think i might try soon#he's hurt me so much#why should i care if me getting away from all of that hurts him back#it's not my responsibility anymore#I don't have any obligation to keep living for him#he can do whatever the hell he wants#without me alive
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going back to Normal Brain & Body for a week while i was mysteriously having good sleep after my surgery & then having that taken away is actually Worse than not having it at all i think.
#i know i'm supposed to be patient or whatever bc it takes so long for this particular surgery to fully heal#but goddamn. why did my expectations have to be so high right away#anyway it's actually fucked up how instantly bad your life will get when you stop getting uninterrupted REM sleep#literally have not felt like myself since 2019
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🌓 halfmoonhorror Follow
wtf i'm literally shaking and crying right now i just saw silver bullets for sale on temu why the fuck are there silver bullets on temu
🪢 knotexplosion Follow
Hey. Hey. Look at me. Do you genuinely believe Temu of all places is going to have genuine sterling silver bullets for sale? TEMU. Wish and Shein's bastard child?
🌓 halfmoonhorror Follow
they had wooden stakes on there too i'm actually fearing for my and my partner's lives right now
🦇 count-fuckula Follow
Yeah I bought some wooden stakes from Temu and they broke instantly. I wasn't even using any force to put them in my lawn as it rained quite recently. I wouldn't worry too much about any silver bullets you find. They're probably just silver plated.
🍖 roadkill-meatloaf Follow
Can confirm- Temu silver isn't real and can't hurt us. I bought a bunch of silver jewelry off there because I can't afford anything the legitimate stores are selling and when I tried them they barely even burned. Not worth it.
🍯 bearly-hanging-on Follow
Why on earth would you, a werewolf, buy silver jewelry???
🍖 roadkill-meatloaf Follow
well for me it's a sex thing.
🪢 knotexplosion Follow
Why would you voluntarily wear jewelry from Temu? Did you at least sanitize it first???
🍖 roadkill-meatloaf Follow
Uh... I licked it first. Werewolf saliva can disinfect surfaces right?
🪢 knotexplosion Follow
YOU WHAT
🦇 count-fuckula Follow
Oh my g-d just because werewolf saliva can make your wounds heal faster doesn't mean it works miracles!!!
🪢 knotexplosion Follow
Wait how would you know that?
🦇 count-fuckula Follow
@.daddy-fenris is not the brightest sometimes.
🌕 daddy-fenris Follow
oh my god IT WAS ONE TIME why do you have to put me on blast right now
🦇 count-fuckula Follow
The world needs to know. Roadkill please go see a doctor or a vet or something.
🌓 halfmoonhorror Follow
i feel like this is taking away from the real issue at paw
🪢 knotexplosion Follow
Can't you see we're having a conversation here?
🌓 halfmoonhorror Follow
IT'S MY POST???
🍖 roadkill-meatloaf Follow
Not anymore it's not
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I can't stop thinking about Ghost being a better boyfriend than your ex, even without establishing that title....
This is a continuation of part one.
warning: mention domestic abuse
💀
Simon was there every night you worked. You never gave him your schedule, but he'd show up and settle onto one of the stools like clockwork. Soap often joined him, and while they carried on like always, you knew Simon's gaze lingered on your body. You could practically feel the weight as you took drink orders and pulled pints. It wasn't unwelcome. In fact, it made everything easier knowing you weren't alone if your ex dared show his face.
When your shifts ended, Simon would walk you back to your new place. The one time you insisted he didn't need to do that, he grunted and said, "What if I want to?"
You didn't mention it again. Instead you got into a routine of giving him a fifteen minute warning when your shift was going to end, and you'd head out into the cold night with him at your side. He was mostly quiet while you chatted about whatever was on your mind. When you'd ask him about himself, he'd reroute the conversation back to you. Then he would wait while you unlocked your door and stepped inside.
You always had the urge to invite him in, but you were taking up so much of his time already. And what would you do with him anyway? This hulking military man with kind eyes?
You thanked him and gave him a little wave before ducking inside, and you knew he always waited until he heard the sound of your door locking before he left.
"Y' alright, love?" he asked one night when you were starting to feel particularly good about yourself again. Your split lip had healed which required less makeup. You felt stronger for having left your ex in the dust. You were wearing a new top that made you feel sexy.
"Yeah. I'm alright, Simon. I feel really good, actually."
You served him a drink and refused to let him pay. You really ought to make him stop tipping you at this rate. He was doing so much for you and getting nothing in return. He was doing all of the boyfriend duties just as he had promised, but he never so much as touched you other than the occasional hand hold.
What if you wanted more?
He broke into your thoughts as he said, "I can tell. Ya' been smiling more. Almost ready to go?"
Tonight you felt like you were floating along the dirty sidewalk with your hand tucked in Simon's massive paw. He was keeping you warm without doing anything, and he listened to your nervous rambling as you tried your best to work up your courage. But the two of you reached your front door all too quickly.
"Get inside," he said, voice deep and tender in spite of the command. "An' lock up."
When he started to pull his hand away, you didn't let him. And you didn't budge when one of his eyebrows inched higher. "Not quite yet," you whispered, toe tapping the cement step you were standing on which put you slightly closer to him in height. "I have to tell you something."
Simon's lips pressed together in a tight line, and his chin dipped in a slight nod. "I need to tell ya' something, too. Just don't want to."
"What?" you asked immediately, the lightness you'd been feeling instantly replaced with a lead brick inside you.
"I'm leaving. Late tomorrow night. Not until after I make sure ya' get home from the pub."
"Leaving?" you whispered, heart pounding faster. He was in the military. Some sort of special mission involvement. You knew that much. And you could read between the lines to know that someone who looked and behaved like he did was probably about to risk his life, not for the first time. "Simon, where are you going?" you asked with tears in your eyes even though you figured he wouldn't be able to tell you.
Simon shook his head, his lips curling into a soft smile. It was a rare sight, and it made you dizzy. "Pretty little thing like you shouldn't be worried 'bout me." You wanted to tell him you would be. You'd worry nonstop until you saw him again. You'd come to rely on him, but mostly you liked how you felt when he was around. "There'll be someone to walk ya' home from work every night. I can promise that."
You wanted to lean in and kiss him, but instead you threw your arms around his neck. He was so solid and warm, and the scrape of his facial hair on your cheek was somehow comforting. "But I'll see you tomorrow, right?" you asked, voice breaking on a sob.
"I'll see ya' tomorrow, love."
He didn't move an inch as you extracted yourself, and the sound of his receding footsteps could only be heard once you'd locked yourself inside.
💀
Part three
#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley cod#simon ghost riley#ghost simon riley#simon riley#simon ghost x reader#simon riley imagine#simon ghost x you#ghost call of duty#ghost cod#ghost imagine#ghost riley#call of duty x reader#cod x reader#ghost x reader#ghost x you#call of duty fanfic#simon riley fanfic#ghostsprincess
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I wish I could find more belonging and comfort in my own face when I see it reflected back at me. I wish I could smile at myself and think
"yea she's kind of fun, she is soft and radiating a genuine warmth"
"She's me but also my friend and she deserves to be taken care of"
"I see confidence and it makes her shine brighter"
I know it's what people who care more about me then I do would want. It's what I want.
#healing and acceptance is hard#One day I“ll seek proper treatment to feel at home in my own body and find at least some sort of steady neutrality#I find the mornings and the nights hardest because the lightning is meh and jt makes me feel instantly bad when I see myself#body dysmorphia#please distance yourself from the bully the karen the debbie downer im your mind#Whoever feels the same you are worthy keep practicing feelin it#personal#diary#thoughts#bdd#body dysmorphic disorder#I'm tired of negativity#The best I can do is ward off downright hatred and be somewhat aware of bdd messing with me making me way more upset about appearance#I don't think the illness is lying but it's making me super aware of anything unapealing and spiral#and I don't have a selfesteem healthy enough to fight is with thoughts like “oh that's not important”
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My feelings of worthiness runs unsurpassablyprofoundly deep it immessurably surpasses unsurpassablyprofoundly by over 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999♾️ of antonellamania number of times
#im worthy of love#im worthy of fame#im worthy of respect#im worthy of being healed#im worthy of being the only choicd#im worthy of believing solely and exclusively good things about myself#im worthy of believing solely and exclusively good things#im worthy of being president#im worthy of achieving absolutely everything I dare to dream of#I'm worthy of solely and exclusively believing desirable and favorable stories about myself#im worthy of trusting solely and exclusively desirable stories about myself#im worthy of being the most powerful one and only powerful one#im worthy of radically trusting myself#im worthy of the romance of my uttermostest wildest dreams#im worthy of not feeling triggered#im worthy of winning over 600 oscars#im worthy of a life that's immeasurably and nonstoppingly beyond my utmostest wildest unhingedest dreams at the age of 25#im worthy of being the only unbeatable one#im worthy to instantly experience my amazingly breathtakingly dream life#im worthy of never having intrusive thoughts#im worthy of never having intrusive imaginations#im worthy of feeling energetically relieved#im worthy of never having to feel disturbed#im worthy of never having to feel uncomfortable#im worthy of never being disappointed#im worthy of feeling safe to be a child#im worthy for the world to be wholeheartedly mine#im worthy to be far more famous and superior than absolutely all celebrities and world leaders combined#i'm worthy of believing it's me that's winning#im worthy of ignoring stories that doesn't make me happy
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Maining a bad weapon/class/character/etc. it actually the best thing in the world because a) bragging rights and b) when you finally have to switch off for whatever reason and you end up playing an actually good weapon it feels like a drug. Like. You're telling me I have DECENT MOBILITY now? Unbelievable
#original#i main gunlance in monster hunter because boom boom#but my god it is a terrible weapon#every time i switch off the game instantly gets 10x easier#i was fighting a Tigerstripe Zamtrios and it was fucking impossible#i kept having to block its attacks and i get stuck in blockstun for so long that by the time i'm able to move i need to block another attac#i spent 40 minutes trying to kill that bastard#i had like 7 healthbars worth of healing items and i used ALL OF THEM#and the damn thing wasn't even limping by the end of it#i died and failed the quest#i decide that gunlance is a terrible matchup and finally upgraded a pair of ice dual blades to see if that would be much better#i won in 15 minutes#i can just. move. i can walk#i don't even need to sheathe or anything#and when i DO sheathe it's super quick#and i can DODGE with my weapon drawn!#in the middle of my combo! i can just. move a few steps sideways to avoid an attack#that's fucking cheating!#(the kitty says about a universal mechanic shared by almost every weapon)#i danced circles around that dumb tiger shark! it was easy!#taking off the training weights to fight that sandy asshole just like rock lee
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idk how settle for less by red vox does it but i could be bawling my fucking eyes out so upset, anxious, and worried and i put it on and i'm like... hey...! maybe everything is ok!! 👍
#🔆#INSTANTLY. NO WAIT TIME. I HEAR SETTLE FOR LESS AND I'M COMPLETELY FINE.#i literally could not tell you what it is about it that i find so soothing and healing.#maybe it's the instruments or the vocals or just my deep connection to & association w/ the song but i think at this point#my body/brain has just programmed itself to be like “oh he's listening to settle for less. pack it up everything's fine now”#idk but i owe so much to settle for less. it can be really hard to break myself out of Moments sometimes so i need it.#everyone say thank you vinny vinesauce for making oktober a more stable individual
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