#i'm in a dangerous mood where i will answer honestly to anything

[wraithdance]

The Five Year Plan | Gaz x Reader

Note: F!Reader, Fat/Plus sized Reader, Reader is implied to be Black but can be read as WoC, Readers nickname is 'Siggy', there will be no y/n use Content warning: none; besides a terrible grasp of british-isms, this is a poorly edited filler pov for Kyle because I'm burned out from prepping for the semester start next week :'(

Chapter Two: Should I Get Her Cake?

Kyle was deeply confused.

He stared at the sad little wreath on Siggy's door (a relic from Christmas she never took down) pondering what exactly he did to set her off this time.

He's of course not thrown off by the door being slammed in his face or being told to piss off, as Siggy was prone to dramatics and made it a mission to do one (often both) at least thrice during the week. Kyle furrows his brow trying and failing to understand what cake had to do with anything.

He hadn't mentioned it whatsoever, just the tea.

He'd really never say anything about cake as he didn't really enjoy it very much, or really any crumbling confection. He'd been on one too many ends of an ear cuffing as a child for getting sugar or icing on his school uniform. His solution was to avoid the matter altogether.

With his arms crossed and head cocked in thought he tries to replay the last 15 minutes in his head again.

He'd come back from his run, said hello to the doorman, chatting with him about Kyle's mum and her new found bridge obsession. Then he'd checked the mail (nothing but junk so he tossed it with a sigh) and had come back upstairs. He wasn't exactly surprised to see Madelyn crying, she often cried, often cried on this floor in particular for some reason. 

It'd been how he'd met the younger woman actually. He'd opened his door to her knocks and come face to face with big green eyes and a quivering lip.

Kyle had not been in the best mood- honestly he'd been murderous, one would be after being in fucking Urzikstan of all places, where he'd been a stones throw away from death by falling out of a helicopter. He'd finally gone to a dreamless sleep after returning home from the nightmare of an operation, when he'd woken to the timid knocks. He'd landed on his ass from the couch and cursed every deity known to man as he stomped to the door.  

They'd both been confused by the other upon his answering, Madelyn more so then him. The petite woman had squeaked up at him in fear. With an eye twitch Kyle had asked Madelyn what the issue was. She'd simply burst into tears and said something about her sink being broken.

He'd calmed her down eventually, neck heating from embarrassment when she'd launched herself into his arms. Siggy had chosen that moment to walk by and had given him a look of complete judgment- eyebrow raise and a look up and down- and all. He'd tried to explain that he didn't know what was happening and Siggy had just snorted, crab walking inside with her obscenely large shopping bags of clothing and slammed the door.

(She really was big on that.)

Kyle had gotten Madelyn to calm down enough for him to learn that the building's handyman had lived in Kyle's apartment previously. Madelyn had thought to ask him for assistance on fixing the overflowing sink in her bathroom but hadn't known he'd moved out. 

That was strange to Kyle as he'd been living in the flat for at least two years at that point. 

Madelyn had explained that away saying she'd been on an extended sabbatical in Prague helping rescue stray cats. Kyle didn't really want details on that, so he'd offered to help her with her sink in the interim. She'd bounced about happily when he'd tightened the loose handle of her faucet. Ever since she'd been coming to his floor for different odds and ends or to drink tea and watch Downtown Abbey.

He hadn't known she knew Siggy at all, so he was completely taken aback by what he would consider a low threat hostage situation. Considering Kyle's career he knew this was nowhere on the scale for dangerous situations but Siggy looked ready to jump out of the nearest window.

He'd thought he was being helpful by offering himself up to Madelyn as a distraction but that had only seemed to make Siggy angrier. Her lips had curled up in utter disgust the moment he'd offered tea for Maddy and it had avalanched into his current confusion about the cake.

He gives up figuring it out after a spell, turning towards his door with a furrow in his brow. He reaches for the handle when a sudden thought stops him in his tracks.

Siggy was vengeful.

In a way that put some of his more mischievous methods of retaliation to shame. He'd thought he had reached peak pettiness when he'd gaslit Johnny into believing he was prematurely balding for three weeks straight. He'd done it by shaving small coin sized spots of hair on the Scot's body and keeping a poker face when accused.

(Soap should have learned not to wake Kyle up at ungodly hours with useless chatter. Then to have the nerve to make fun of a man's silk bonnet of all things?)

(Besides, if anyone was traumatized it was KYLE, the hyperactive man was hairier than a dog and Kyle still had nightmares about it, but he digresses.)

When Siggy was upset and feeling particularly vindicated about it, she had a nasty habit of playing mind games or being an outright bully. She was single-handedly responsible for more than one neighbor’s decision to move out after declaring war on them for some reason or other.

He'd witness her stealing welcome mats, making noise complaints, using her law degree to intimidate, or getting into outright yelling matches with offenders. Hell, Kyle had suspected she was behind the great trash bin brawl.

Trash bins on the floor had gone mysteriously missing and reappeared in odd places within the building. The result was accusations being thrown and Mr. Haversack and Mr. Dudley coming to blows.

Kyle, who had come off of another long mission abroad, had walked into the aftermath of the chaos. He'd sidestepped the police who'd had his neighbors in cuffs and were taking down statements, to stand at a self satisfied Siggy's side as she watched on.

She was eating a sweet and chuckling to herself. She'd been far too invested in the goings on to be unkind to him standing so close, she'd even told him what happened.

Kyle wasn't an idiot, far from it and he prided himself on that fact. It's what got him into such an elite military squad in the first place. One does not get awarded medals for their counter-terrorism efforts by being a numpty. So he without a doubt, knew Siggy had been the one behind the trash bin debacle and told her so.

She'd gazed at him under lowered lashes and cocked a brow as if to say 'Oh, really?'

Kyle won't admit he was a bit lightheaded watching her lick icing from her fingers while maintaining eye contact with him. Instead he'd told her of his thought process on why he thought she was the culprit. Siggy had shrugged neither confirming nor denying, and very obviously did not care about his opinion on her innocence.

He'd still given it nonetheless, she hadn't taken well to being called childish.

Siggy had sworn at him (again something Kyle will never admit got his blood racing) and had gone on a tangent about the neighbors she'd been menacing. It took Kyle awhile to stop watching her flashing eyes and heaving chest in interest to understand what she'd been saying to him.

According to Siggy, some of the neighbors had been reporting the only Asian family on their floor to the home office for made up infractions. Mr. Dudley had rallied up a few others sympathetic to his cause, to assist in the targeted harassment of the family of four.

Siggy was enacting justice on the scared families behalf as they'd been frightened about possible retaliation impacting their immigration status if they spoke up.

Kyle had felt like a right dick and apologized to Siggy profusely.

She'd tilted her chin to look down her nose at him, preening at his groveling. She'd accepted after some time and Kyle had asked about Mr. Haversack's part in the fray. Siggy had just shrugged, polishing off her sweet, citing that Mr. Haversack had closed the lift on her when she'd been attempting to juggle groceries.

Her bag with her carton of eggs and strawberries had dropped when she'd raced to the lift trying to make it before the doors closed. She claimed Mr. Haversack had given her a dirty look and pressed the buttons to close the doors when she'd stared down at the mess on the floor.

The memory gave Kyle a pause.

Siggy did seem to take food related offenses very personally. Kyle looks at her door again in consideration.

“Should I get her some cake?” he questions into the air of the silent hallway. 

After a beat he makes plans to pick some up at the market next to the shady burger shop in the morning, as an apology for whatever he’d done. The last thing he needed was another reason for Siggy to steal a package off his doorstep.

With that in mind Kyle finally walks inside his flat to join Madelyn for tea.

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[emotionallyattachednerd]

Seeker Allure Part 2 ❙ ES Starscream x Skywarp x Nova Storm x f!robot reader ❙ NSFW 18+

Word count: 3400+

Warnings: Smut ( spike in valve, threesome and spark merging ) some angst, postnatal anxiety and sparking cuteness. NSFW 18+.

Notes: I'm really glad I did this! For a while I was considering doing a part 2 but never really put much thought into it until I got the request. Once again, I got carried away with this, no self control. Thanks anon for sending through. Sorry for the delay. Enjoy. 🥰

☕ Coffee

Those bastards! No, Starscream, damn him!

This wasn't part of the plan, and it was not the best time either. After your last encounter you felt a nagging tug close to your spark chamber, and discovered that you were carrying a sparkling, a seeklet, Starscream's sparkling.

You're terrified and you don't want anyone else knowing about your condition, so you stay in hiding at an abandoned observatory where you make it home for a bit at least, and also a place to help gather your thoughts.

Bumblebee had found out though by accident when coming to check up on her, worried, but promised to keep your secret, wanting to help however possible and also wanting to let you do your own thing with your thoughts. Honestly, you're glad, because he's been helpful and provided you with enough energon.

At first you're terrified, not fully prepared for this, but that fear changes when your sparkling has finished developing within your gestation chamber, and opening your chassis you allow the little one to come out, and you're holding them for the first time.

A femme seeklet. She's beautiful, a striking imagine of Starscream, but still perfect. You're a creator now and your mother instinct kick in finally for you to care and protect your creation.

Despite just having a sparkling, you were still overthinking about everything, what dangers might come, what the seekers might do, or if humans gain interest and will want to take her away from you.

What if Starscream takes her away from you?

No, you won't let that happen.

Things didn't really get better for you though, emotion and mood wise, fearing every possible outcome for your sparkling and struggling to recharge, as each cry from your seeklet dangles you right over the ledge into the abyss. It's not good for you, and you know this, but being on your own did have its impact sadly.

While you're staring out into the city lights from your view, lost in your thoughts, you're -- brought back by the sound of your sparkling and hurried to the crafted nest you made and checked on your little one, spark racing rapidly and clenching anxiously.

"Sweetie, are you alright? What happened?" You carefully scoop her up into your servos and hold them close against your chassis. They whimper as warm lubricant tears stream down their small face before it slowly ceases, sniffling and nuzzling into their creator. "Did you have a nightmare?"

You don't expect answers of course, but she is really the only one you get to speak with. She responds though, looking up at you and lets out a bundle of chirps, reaching her tiny arms up to touch your cheek plating. She's so sweet!

Smiling you nuzzle into her servos and let out a gentle hum. "I love you, sweetling, my universe, my greatest treasure. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."

For a time you hold her, humming a gentle lullaby from cybertron while rocking her into recharge again. It's been too long since you last saw home, you missed it, and it was making you severely homesick.

Once settling her again you end up watching her recharge for a long while, you weren't even sure how long, but you couldn't take your optics off her peacefully recharging. When you are finally able to leave it's only because you needed to refuel, and slowly exit yourself from the crafted nest you made.

Your anxiety won't settle, you fear, your spark constantly clenching and beating rapidly. It's not a good feeling and you hate it, but you don't know how to stop it. You kept telling yourself it'll pass, that it was only for now, but the longer it went on the more you less believe this.

Again, you find yourself staring out into the open view you had, and as peaceful as it was, you don't feel at peace. It's a never ending silent torment that has corrupted you. Constant fear.

"You're a hard one to find." The voice of Starscream suddenly hits your audios like a stinging buzz that stabs right through your spark, spiking your fear as you turn to see him within the observatory, Skywarp and Nova Storm trailing behind him casually.

"H-how did you find me?" You stutter while trying to keep a distance from them.

"We noticed the yellow bug made regular trips out here, and so we followed him, leading us to you. Is there...something going on between you two?" Starscream hints, annoyed if that small bug ever tried to steal what was rightfully theirs.

"Of course not, I mean how can she when she's got us." Nova Storm giggles. Her giggles used to make you quiver in delight, but not this time.

You continue to try to keep away, moving yourself while your optics are fastened on them, fear consuming every inch in you. Every other time you've encountered them it's always been annoyance and uncontrollable lust, but not now, and the seekers soon realised this, much to their confusion.

"What's wrong? Why are you afraid?" Starscream narrows his optics at you.

"Come on darling, we've never hurt you before." Skywarp tries to come closer. "Why would you think that now?"

That's not why you're afraid.

"Please...you need to leave."

It's Starscream that steps closer bluntly. "And why would we leave? What is it you're hiding?" He can tell, you're hiding something and it's causing your fear to spike up. He's never seen you like this before.

"Nothing! Go! Now! Get out!" You suddenly shove at Starscream chassis, causing him to stumble back, stunned by your actions.

However, your outburst is loud and high up in the nest you've created is where your sparkling once again stirred awake again, crying out, irritated that her recharge was interrupted.

The seekers all look up, now noticing the nest and you see the bewildered expressions consuming their faces. You act, and fly up towards the nest where you hastily gather your sparkling into your arms and hold her close, hiding from the world.

Turning around you're suddenly faced with seekers who had followed you, but kept a distance as they all continue to watch on as if they're in a trance. You sparkling continues to cry into your chassis, confused by what's happening as you hold them protectively, using your arms to shield her from the seekers.

"Please..." You can only whimper, fearing they will take her away from you.

"You have a sparkling." Skywarp says in a gentle tone. "Is this why you've been hiding?" You can only nod weakly.

"My sparkling." Starscream declares. He's thrilled, but also annoyed. "Why didn't you tell me?" He goes to step closer, making you step back before Starscream was stopped by Nova Storm.

"What are you afraid of?" Skywarp is the only one who steps closer slowly, knowing you're terrified.

"Please...don't take her away from me." You can only continue to whisper through your shaky voice.

"She? A femme?" Starscream's wings flicker in excitement. He wants to see her, hold her, but Nova Storm stops him. It seems the femmes were the only two understanding your fear and don't want to make it worse.

"Why would we take her away from you?" Skywarp is confused.

Indeed, why would they? You couldn't even explain, it was just the horrible nagging dread that consumes your mind. Your sparkling is all you have, and you don't want that ripped away from you.

You don't answer her, and when you look up you notice Skywarp is much closer now causing you to shrink back in fear, only to hear her giving gentle hushes before slowly reaching out to touch your shoulder, causing you to flinch from the contact. Your spark feels like it's going to erupt from its chamber, throbbing repeatedly, it's horrible.

"No one is taking her away from you." Skywarp assures. "And if anyone did try, I'd scrap them, we all would."

Meeting her optics you don't see the lustful blazing gaze you've always seen on other occasions, and instead you're greeted with gentle kindness. "Promise?"

"A thousand times over, I promise." Skywarp is now standing right beside you as she rubs your shoulders to help try and relax you. She looks down at the sparkling in your arms and smiles. "She's a striking image of you, Starscream."

"Can I see her?" He vents, still annoyed, but anxious to see his creation.

With Skywarp at your side, Starscream and Nova Storm come closer finally. You're still scared, clinging onto your sparkling as she whimpers into your chassis, tiny servos digging into your plating. Their shadows cover you but the feel of Skywarp's gentle servos over your shoulders is what helps you calm your racing spark just a little.

They're all so close, huddling closely, but Skywarp and Nova Storm are stroking your frame and gently rubbing your wings, making you quiver lightly under their touches, but it helps.

Meeting Starscream's gaze, you see the silent plea lingering in those baby blue optics, desperately wanting to touch his creation. Then finally, you move, gently holding your sparkling and allowing Starscream to take her to hold.

"Watch her helm." You whisper while helping him support her.

Starscream is in a trance as he holds his beautiful sparkling in his servos, feeling himself smile as she onlines her teary optics, curiously looking up at the new seekers. She's not use to them, never before seeing any of them, but she feels an odd connection towards Starscream. This is her sire.

You've never seen Starscream like this before, a gentleness, cradling his sparkling closely as she curiously touches his face plating. Skywarp leans her helm against your shoulder and you lean into her, holding onto both femmes as you feel your emotions flood through you, a relief but also guilt.

Afterwards, it was Skywarp and Nova Storm's turn to babysit. Both femmes eagerly cared for your sparkling while making her giggle and chirp away at them. This is the time for you and Starscream to talk to one another.

Outside, on the ramp attached to the observatory, you and Starscream sit together, a long and dreaded silence floats in the air, each of you waiting for who just might break that silence. It's Starscream.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Of course, the top question. Why didn't you?

"I...I was scared." There's a hanging strain in your voice.

"But you told the yellow bug." Starscream is blunt and you feel you deserve that.

"He found out by accident, but I made him promise to not tell anyone. He's just been bringing me enough energon. He's a good friend." You look up seeing the jealousy hanging on his face. "There's nothing going on between us."

"Good." Starscream doesn't want you to be touched by anyone else other than him or his trine. "What were you scared of? I would've been there for you and helped."

You realise this now, that perhaps you should've told him. "I was scared my sparkling was going to be taken away from me."

Starscream narrows his optics. "Why would you think I would take her away from you?"

"Not just you, everyone. The humans, Optimus, Megatron, I...I'm still scared someone is going to take her away. I can't explain it, its all I've been worrying about." You lean yourself against the solid wall behind you.

It's quiet for a moment, a stinging silence, before you feel his arms wrapping around your frame and bringing you closer against his chassis, hugging you, while you lean into the tender comfort.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." You whisper, feeling guilty you've kept this from him. Starscream lets out a low grunt. He's hurt, and you don't blame him for being angry with you.

"I'm staying." His words get you to look up at him, confused. "I'm not leaving you or our sparkling. Skywarp and Nova Storm will probably stick around, but I'm not going anywhere." His servos touch your face and he traces his digits under your optics tenderly.

"So I'm stuck with you?" You can't help but pout, teasing him, and he answers through a soft chuckle.

"Don't sound too disappointed, but yes, you're stuck with me. Tough luck." He feels just how much you're heating up simply by his touches. "Getting warm are we?" He leans closer and lets out a purr into your neck, glossa running against your sensitive cables.

"Your fault." You moan faintly, tilting your helm to give him better access. "You're like a parasight I can't get rid of."

"A parasight you crave." His words murmur out against your neck before feeling his servos moving over your waist, tugging you closer against him that you welcome.

"Shut up and kiss me." You grab his helm and kiss him firmly, pushing your glossa between his lips and devouring him, dominating his glossa with your own with greed.

Starscream smirks against your lips as he kisses back just as hard, servos gripping into your soft armour and moving up around your sensitive wings causing you to shiver under his skillful touches.

For the first time in a while, you don't feel afraid, and that's a beautiful relief. He breaks the kiss and holds your servos, leading you towards the berth, one that was never used since you've been recharging in the nest with your sparkling.

"I've had my trine for a long time. Skywarp and Nova Storm became conjunx's and I became their amica, and its always been the three of us together. I want you to become part of our bond, and we'll become four. So, let's skip traditions, become my conjunx tonight, join me, join our bonds."

He's serious.

You're quiet in thought for a moment, causing him to speak. "Do you see yourself with anyone else?"

"No, not really."

"Good. So?"

Waiting for the granted permission, that's all he was waiting for. Over the years you've always had your lustful encounters with the trine, and it just carried on as if it was normal. Now, you're being offered to break that trine and become their fourth trine member. There is nothing to lose, so of course you answer what you feel is right, no matter how crazy it was.

"Alright."

Almost immediately, you find yourself laid back against the berth, lost in a intense and passionate kiss with Starscream as he presses himself between your legs, smoothly grinding himself against you panel and causing you to moan out in soft bliss, glossas tangling together while your servo move behind to tease his wings tips lightly, earning you a shiver from him along with a satisfied hum.

Breaking the kiss he lets out a giggle at our pouting, but this changes when he starts descending down your body and you feel his lips against your inner thighs making you arch your back under his heated vents.

Without even asking or being told, you retract your panel, revealing your moist valve for him to feast upon. He lets out purrs of delight before moving closer and gliding his glossa against your outer lips and across your ceiling node, earning him a joyful mewl from you. He loves the sounds you make, always like a beautiful melody.

Feeling his glossa wiggle its way into your valve you let out a number of sorts of sounds, moaning loudly while venting and biting your lips, servos clenching his helm as your optics shutter close.

"Such pretty sounds." You hear Nova Storm whisper at your side, joined by Skywarp on your other. As aroused as you are, you can't help but ask.

"W-where's-"

"She's recharging." Skywarp answers. "She's safe, I promise. Let us take care of you, darling." You relax as you feel them touching you in your most sensitive places, becoming a moaning mess as you embrace the pleasure boiling through your frame.

Starscream lifts your waist up as he buries his face against your valve more, letting out a lingering moan that vibrates through your perfectly, glossa rolling back and forth, drawing out more beautiful sounds from you.

Skywarp tilts your helm and shares a kiss with you, one you welcome very eagerly. It's a lot to take in but you crave every touch and kiss from them. This is what you want, seekers always stick together.

"Can we see?" Nova Storm whispers into your audio as her digits trace over your chassis, right above where your spark was. You respond through a murmur before shifting your plating and relieving your pulsing and glowing spark.

"So beautiful." Nova Storm whispers, before leaning across your chassis, servos carefully touching your chamber, before you feel her glossa lick against your spark.

Never have you felt something so sensational. Soft mewls of bliss erupt from you, greedy for it all, treated like a princess. Your sounds are swallowed by Skywarp again as she twirls her digit against your wing. All three of them, it's quite a lot to deal with.

Being lost in the moment you don't realise right away that they had stopped, Starscream coming up to lean over your frame, his spike already hard and running up against the outside of your valve. When you do realise this, Starscream kisses you, his lips and glossa soaking with your juices while Skywarp and Nova Storm both embrace in a passionate kiss, their own sparks open and touching one another, vocals erupting in chaotic orgy.

Your attention is on Starscream then, and you feel his pulsing spike enter your valve, every ridge pressing in and filling you completely. Arching your back you let out a low mewl as your servos grip onto his arms, legs wrapping around his waist as you clench around him.

Every throb pulses through your channel, sending electric buzzes through you repeatedly, before feeling him move. He's got a firm grip around your waist as he thrusts into you, tugging you back against him at a shallow and firm rhythm.

Starscream leans down towards your neck, thrusts slow and short, causing you to let out a grunt as you try to move your hips quicker against him, and this causes him to giggle into your neck.

"Stop your giggling." You tap his shoulder as a warning.

"Make me." He continues to giggle like a brat, and you roll your optics.

"I could, or you can frag me harder and join our sparks together?"

"You're so demanding."

"You love it." His silence is your answer. He does love it. He smiles, and it's his mischief kind. Damn that smile.

You watch as his cockpit and chassis shift their platings, relieving his pulsing spark and leaning closer again. There's one more kiss, one more thrust, before both your sparks collide together.

His movements grew intense, shallow firm thrusts rocking you into the berth as you wrap yourself tightly against him, sparks joined and pulsing rapidly together while all your blissful sounds fill the air.

You feel either Skywarp or Nova Storm holding her servo and you hold back. You're not sure who it is, though it doesn't matter, and the overpowering pleasure briskly boils even more. You moan, you cry, you fall apart feeling his spike thrust into you over again and his spark wrapping around your own, feeling the bond grow and complete itself, right before Starscream gives a sharp thrust and stills, hissing out as he overloads.

He fills your channel with his warm fluids, your own overload suddenly crashing through as well as you hold onto him and you mewl out in delight. It's so alluring, the moment, everything you're feeling, so perfect.

Your systems start to shut down due to your lack of recharge already, and you feel yourself being wrapped up by the seekers bodies before going into a blissful recharge.

The next morning, you are online, to find yourself back in the nest, tangled up with Skywarp and Nova Storm warmly that makes you smile softly. You can feel the seeker bond between you all, the bond with Starscream, it's a blissful feeling.

Gently, you remove yourself from the tangled embrace, smiling softly as the femmes embrace one another before hovering your way down only to find Starscream outside standing on the ramp with your sparkling in his arms, speaking to her.

Quietly, you come up behind, listening.

"One day you'll see Cybertron, my little seeklet. It's beautiful, and soon it'll thrive, hope for our world and species. You're going to love it." He speaks fondly to her as she chirps in response.

Coming up behind, you wrap an arm around his waist and lean into his side. "One day, we'll go home."

Starscream gives a rare tender smile, a softness he hasn't expressed in a long time. He feels he can finally find peace with his new family, a chance to become something different, something better. He tenderly leans back into your frame, servos holding and stroking your sparkling affectionately.

Home indeed.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if i refused to help my classmates going forward?

i am in university for a science degree. i have been struggling for almost my entire degree due to undiagnosed ADHD and autism, as well as my habit from grade school of working myself too hard. i went into burnout from 2020-2022 and failed most courses i took. i had to cut down on my work significantly so i could stay in university and finish my degree. it's been 5 years and i'm just over halfway finished. the end's not in sight yet, but it's getting there.

this semester, i'm taking two courses that i've struggled in previously and am retaking actually. the term will most likely be over once this is posted. one i've finished twice but didn't have a high enough grade to move forward (chemistry) and the other i've dropped 2 times before to avoid failing (calculus). the subject areas might give more context, and my chemistry course isn't introductory. they're also notoriously very difficult, and most people end up retaking this chemistry course several times. they're both needed for my degree and a similar degree. someone in both classes (2 different people) made group chats specifically so we could help each other. at first it was a very good idea, and i myself benefitted from them, managing to get a really high mark on a math assignment because of the group chat and sharing our work/processes.

this term is the one term we have a mid-semester break, and while the details are irrelevant here, i went away during this break, and i came back in a fairly poor mental state. i didn't want to share my work anymore, and said i was uncomfortable doing so. this got me mocked (i believe, but no one's commented on it or said anything to me about it) in my math class group chat when i asked for the notes after having to leave class early due to the noise. i have misophonia, and i was incredibly close to shouting "shut the fuck up" one say when they honestly just wouldn't stop talking. it's been a problem this term in this class where several groups in the class have been chatting amongst themselves during lecture. my friend (i think we're friends?) emailed our professor (i think i was named in the email), and he addressed the class about it, but as a whole, has told me directly that there wasn't much else he could do about it since they might be talking to each other to understand better.

at this point, there's only about 3 weeks left of classes and then finals, so it's not worth dropping out, especially since i don't think i'm in danger of failing. but that was all kind of just background info. it's been a rough semester for me.

in my chemistry class, we have weekly lab reports. they aren't huge, 10+ page reports, and i can usually do them in about 2-3 hours of work total. i usually work on them in small pieces throughout the week, so i can focus on other assignments as well as lectures. they're due at the beginning of lab, and we have lab on friday afternoons. this wouldn't be an issue if not for thursdays.

at the beginning of the semester, i made myself kinda known as Someone Who Has Answers. i like to help people when they're struggling, and i know that these are difficult classes, and i have past experience taking them with these instructors specifically, so i helped in any which way i could. after our mid-semester break, i was in no mood to help anyone. but on thursday evenings and friday mornings, i would get text messages from a few people asking me about the lab report. but not just a few messages. i would get asked on EVERY BIT of the lab report. i try to be patient, as i understand hidden struggles. but i was at the end of my rope. i never snapped, and i always tried to help them, but sometimes i was very frustrated because on thursdays, i have 2 classes (doesn't sound like a lot, but at my school, my lectures are 2-3 hours long, so it's about 5 hours total of lectures) at two different campuses, so i leave at about 7:30am and get home at about 5:30-6:00pm. it's my night to clean the kitchen as well, so my patience is very thin at the end of the day. i never agreed to help them, and they are texting me. i don't know how to tell them "i'm in no mood to help" but it made me so upset to the point that i was saying that next semester, i wouldn't give my number to anyone. i'm not a tutor, and i'm struggling to stay afloat myself in these classes. i don't have all of the answers, and tbh i'm not even confident on most of my answers. i've tried to make this clear, but they still come to me for help. next semester, i'm retaking ANOTHER course that i failed (not failed, but didn't get a high enough mark to move forward) and i honestly feel like a dick for not helping when i could and should help.

this is probably a nonissue tbh. i'm on the verge of dropping out myself because i took on too much this semester and this just kinda feels like it's all more than i can handle.

What are these acronyms?

[cerezzzita]

🍓 ˖ . ᵎᵎ Confessions features Alcohol (Sometimes) ✦ Dante x gn!Reader

⌕ summary: Dante and alcohol could be like water and oil — under no circumstances should they mix. Yet, at that night, it seems he's up to something with that drunk, big mouth of his.

notes: my god I'm nervous asf. um, hi y'all, guess who's back at writing after almost full 5 months of hiatus? that's right, we're back in action! i finally finished this little, silly oneshot that was rotting in my docs for... 7 months? geez, me and my lazy ass. anyways! i hope you all enjoy the reading! i wrote this with 4dante in mind but honestly, it can be any Dante, it's up to your imagination <3

⋆ 08/07/23 edit: i forgot to mention, but this fic was born thanks to this writing prompt, i just couldn't found it easily hehe

♡ word count: 1.125

♡ tags: fluffy, gender-neutral reader, no use of pronouns or reader's appearance description (you/yours used only), mentions of alcohol, drunk Dante (and he's sooo soft), Dante might be ooc sorry in advance, love confessions.

ⓘ gif's not mine!!

Dante and alcohol could be like water and oil — under no circumstances should they mix. Truth be told, specifically that night was not one where you enjoyed a patient mood, especially with the drunken Devil Hunter lying on the worn leather sofa and every half minute calling you and even dropping occasional flirtations. You were now in the kitchen, dedicating yourself to washing a considerable amount of dishes while from the corner of your eye you watched Dante, posture still relaxed and with a smile easily more dancing than usual, making sure that he wouldn't do anything that would mean usual danger for a person guided by the lack of sense that alcohol usually provides. However, the brief thought swept out of your mind; it was Dante. The man had a natural, bizarre attraction to danger. 

That's when the handsome half-demon shook his head, his clear, icy-colored irises glazed over your back-to-back figure. Dante pouted for not getting the attention he wanted so much, then opened his mouth and verbalized his need.

"Babe," he began, loud enough that his voice scrambled from earlier hours' whiskey filled the short distance between them. You, however, sighed, determined to ignore him until he fell asleep from some miraculous, alcoholic effect.

Which was definitely not a good choice. Dante hated being ignored.

"Baaabe..."

"What is it now, Dante?" you answered over your teeth. He whimpered at such harshness.

"Don't be like that, loveee," he whined through his tone, "You're being a big meanie to me today, y'know that?"

"A meanie? Me?" your heels pivoted so that you were now facing him, one hand on your hips and your brow forming an arc of curiosity. "Why?"

Dante sipped the rest of a bottle of Jack Daniels, exhaling audibly at the end. Once again his typical smile grew at the corners of his mouth; you gulped, blinked and woke up to your somewhat glassy-eyed state attached in the Devil Hunter.

What exactly would it take for a man like Dante to be so attractive?

"Because I want attention," he replied, a simple retort that made the inside of your chest heave and your hand on your waist falter. Dante, although drunk, seemed to notice this act and widened the left corner of his feline smile even more. "And you're being a meanie 'cause you're not paying attention to me. Come here, sugar… I want smoochies."

At other times, you would chuckle and brush it off. It was common for you to deal with the half-demon on these alcohol-soaked nights, whether they were made up of flirtations and jokes or tears and outbursts — a part of you, even if momentarily, was grateful for the night's choice to be the first alternative. But something in Dante's tone alerted the part that was costing your frustrated attempts at concealment, the very same part that just now stirred just by witnessing his smile and the permanent gaze on you.

It didn't take that much clairvoyance to see the obvious: you were undeniably in love with Dante. A passion that you swore was, somehow, one-sided.

Your impatience melted away and the silence permeating the air of the place became metamorphic; from casual to uncomfortable. Dante tilted his head, waiting for an answer from you. You sighed, returned your focus to the last dishes and resigned yourself to drying them as a form of slight distraction.

"Dante, you're drunk."

He laughed briefly between words, "Tell me something I don't know, angelcake."

"You're talking nonsense."

"Maybe. But I still want some smoochies… Unless you don't want them, it's fine by me."

Once your work with the dishes was duly finished, you once again looked over your shoulder at him. Dante's lids drooped as the silent minutes passed by, his voice quieting, silver strands trailing across the back of the couch as he laid his head down. He was finally falling asleep.

You approached the half-demon's sleeping figure, uttering a 'tsk, tsk' which elicited a small chuckle.

"What do I do with you, Dante?"

The end of this night would be like that of many others, it would be up to you the arduous mission of putting Sparda's beautiful son to bed. Arduous for he certainly wasn't the lightest of beings and even though the habit made it look easy, your human muscles totally begged to differ.

Grunting as you struggled to carry him bridal style, you climbed the stairs to the top floor and with a little sacrifice managed to open the door to Dante's room. Before leaving him on the bed, babbling came directly from him, who now accommodated his face in the crook of your neck.

"Y'know, you're amazing…"

Subtly taken aback, you choose to listen to what the sleepy Dante had to say — for curiosity and for the unique, strong beat your heart emitted.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. You're also beautiful, and smart, and funny, and hot…" from there, you became hot with embarrassment as Dante's voice wakes up again, "You're so much fun! Man, no wonder I'm in love with you."

Your heart, happy and passionate, fluttered inside your ribcage. Your eyes wanted to pop out of their sockets. The surprising, heated euphoria altered your body temperature. Your arms softened like a sweet pudding, swaying and unconsciously allowing Dante to fall to the ground.

"... Ow..."

It wasn't possible, was it? Was it the illusions of the booze, or was Dante really in love with you too?

You gasped as you realized what you'd done, rushing to get the half-demon back in your arms in a fleeting act of trying to regain consciousness and collect all your agitated — but now happy — thoughts.

All right. Dante was known for many attributes, one of them was his frankness. And being drunk this same frankness was reinforced tenfold, in fact. There would be no reason for him to lie.

However, words like these had a huge impact.

You took a deep breath, carefully positioning Dante on the soft mattress and giving him one last look to make sure you didn't just lay him down and that he was comfortable enough. He mumbled as if he was in an argument with sleep, now lying face down on the bed. Your hand snaked into the untidy silver hair to pull it back from Dante's stunning face, your heart calmer and moving to a slower beat. You smiled, your eyes wryly drunk on the man's sleeping vision.

"Sweet dreams, daredevil."

You gave a shy peck on his cheek. Dante stretched a petit smile, and yours grew. Leaving the dark room, you headed for yours, even more wrapped in your feelings, which you now knew were reciprocated.

Quite a confession that could only have the signature of someone like Dante.

cerezzzita©, 2023 · all rights reserved ⓘ do not copy, edit, steal or claim as yours | reblogs and comments are welcome!

[ithebookhoarder]

Marc and Steven with a Murdock? Like Daredevil?? If you want, of course ❤️🖤

The Moon Boys with a Murdock!Reader

A/N: Of course I want to! 😆 I'm only sorry it took me so long to answer this. However, I seem to be on a roll today - I can't believe I've got two requests out?! Like, who even am I?

Masterlist

As you said with a Murdock, I’m going with a sibling vibe here which would be pretty adorable anyway as Matt would be such a good brother if he’d ever had the chance.

He would be incredibly close with you and take his role as your protector as seriously as he takes his role as the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. 

You’re the only one he lets know his true self as you’ve been through everything he has. You’ve shared the happiest and saddest moments of your lives together and the bond it forged is as strong as vibranium.

It holds you both together, not matter what you go through or where you end up - including when you both end up at colleges on opposite sides of the country. 

You’re extremely careful to never let him pull too far away from you, even when he gets in one of his moods. In fact, you’re sure to turn up and let yourself in to his apartment when he goes too quiet and even Foggy can’t seem to pull him out of the darkness that haunts him. 

It’s why you don’t run away when the Moon Boys come crashing in to your lives. The chaos that seems to follow them and their fears that they are too much for you is honestly familiar. Every attempt to push you away only makes you draw nearer - first as a friend, later as something more. 

You’d probably meet Moon Knight first around New York. I mean, it's kind of hard not to come across him, given what Matt does and how chaos seems to find its way into your lives.

He'd be the latest adoptee into the Defenders / New York 'Avengers reject club' (your name for the gang, not theirs...) so you'd quickly end up involved in each other's lives.

You'd bond pretty quickly, once you get to know one another without the personas and danger. After all, I think Steven would be eager to find friends who aren't necessarily supers and just like to drink coffee, read novels and go to the dog park at the weekend.

He'd be super keen to get to know you. You're one of the only people who get what their life is like, but also have a foot in the real world.

You'd win over Marc later on, wearing him down with your positivity and unwavering optimism (and also Steven will not shut up about you).

You're not afraid of the darker parts of their world, and become a much needed safe space for Marc, once he lets his guard down.

For instance, you'd be great at patching him up - having had enough practise on Matt over the years. You're also used to having someone nocturnal in the house, coming and going at all hours of the night. Plus, you can obviously be trusted to keep a secret or two.

If anything, Marc's only reluctant to let you get close to him as he doesn't want to taint you. To ruin something so bright and wonderful by dragging you into his darkness.

If Matt's ok with putting you in danger, then that's up to him as your brother. You're family. But for Marc and Steven to do that? It's a line they're unwilling to cross... until you prove to them you aren't going anywhere. That you can handle yourself and that you're already in this mess anyway, so why shouldn't you both be happy?

From that moment on, there's no looking back for any of you. You're leaping in to this together head first, and soon enough you can't imagine life any other way.

Matt, however, can.

Let's be real, he wouldn’t be the biggest fan of Steven and Marc. In fact, he’d be pretty against your relationship the minute he finds out about it. 

One, because he thinks no one is worthy of you.

Two, because he hates the idea of you getting hurt or being in danger and being in a relationship with multiple people who all serve an ancient Egyptian deity as his personal vigilante is the very definition of dangerous. 

"I... I can't even begin to understand how you could possibly think this is a good idea? At all? He - they - are literally the puppets of an Egyptian god - a GOD, Y/N. You don't want to get in the middle of all that?"

You quickly remind him how he gave a similar speech to Karen when he found out about her and Frank Castle seeing each other, and that didn't work. Last time you checked, they're still blissfully in love.

"Besides, Matthew! You're the one who goes running around at night, getting in fights, wearing a glorified halloween costume. Like, I am the SANE sibling here. ALSO! Marc and Steven were forced into their situation. They didn't go looking for it like a crazy nut job. So, yeah. I think if anything, you don't have a leg to stand on here!"

Matt would be able to sense who was fronting the moment they appeared. He’d be able to recognise them from the way their heart is beating and their mannerisms the second they stepped through the door, which is helpful but also incredibly unsettling. 

Steven would brush it off, seeing it as Matt just being a kind brother to you. However, I think Marc would have more of a problem with Matt’s hostility, and enhanced senses. It puts him on edge to know they are being so closely scrutinised. 

They also have the same temperament so I can imagine there will be more than a few clashes in the beginning, their similar brusque natures making it hard for them to not bump heads. 

However, after Matt learns about Marc’s DID and his childhood trauma I think he’d be more sympathetic. After all, you both didn’t have the easiest childhood either. 

He also knows what it’s like to live with a condition that can make your life harder but also makes you unique. 

According to the comics, both of them are known to be good detectives and also keen boxers. I can totally see them building a reluctant respect for one another after they realise they have more in common than just their love for you. 

In fact, I know you’d have to pull them out of the ring after Marc agrees to a sparring match with the famous ‘Devil’. The pair of them would get a weird pleasure from trying to beat the other to a pulp - they don’t often find someone evenly matched to have a friendly bout or two with. 

At least it would once again prove to Matt that your boys could definitely take care of you if you ever needed it. 

Matt would definitely be sure to offer his legal advice whenever he’s concerned you both might be skating on thin ice with the law. Apparently, ‘I’m being controlled by an Ancient Egyptian God’ hasn’t ever been tried as a legal defence in the American justice system before… and Matt is oddly willing to try it. 

[moodymelanist]

Are you just doing Elucien prompts? Because I had this idea for Nessian where canon Nesta craves physical affection from Cassian but doesn’t really know what to do with it when he is affectionate with her because she’s never had anyone touch her tenderly like he does

nope, I’m taking any and everyone as the mood strikes me! I hope you don't mind that this is a modern au; I really liked this idea but writing in canon isn't my preferred thing to do. tw for discussion of prior abuse (tomas + mama archeron can suck it).

Nesta knew Cassian had noticed the way she didn’t know what to do with herself whenever he wanted to touch her. He was just so giving with his affection, from the easy way he would sling an arm around her shoulders to the kisses he liked to press to her skin whenever he felt she needed one.

Part of her wanted to lean into those touches, to make things easy the way they seemed to be for him, but a much larger part of her didn't know how to trust hands that were reaching for her. She was so used to being hurt instead of being held that her body just didn't know what to do when it was presented with the second option.

"I'm sorry," Nesta said for what felt like the millionth time after it happened. She'd been washing their dishes from dinner when Cassian had come up from behind her to wrap his arms around her, sending her into a stiff panic before she forced herself to calm down. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

They'd been dating for long enough that Nesta hated it was even an issue. They spent endless time in each other's apartments, saw each other multiple times a week, had met each other's friends and chosen families. She knew Cassian would never hurt her, would never even want to, but it was hard to fight every instinct in her body telling her she was in danger when it had kept her alive for so long.

"You don't have anything to apologize for, sweetheart," Cassian replied. He slowly unwrapped his arms from around her so he wouldn't startle her further and took a few steps to the right. "I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"What?" she responded, completely flabbergasted. She turned off the water and turned to face him so they could have what was shaping up to be an important conversation without any distractions. "You're not the one who's fucked up."

"Nesta." He gave her a look that told her exactly what he thought of that statement. "What happened to you was fucked up. That doesn't mean you're fucked up."

"But I am fucked up."

"We're all a little bit fucked up. Doesn't mean I still don't owe you an apology."

"What do you think you owe me one for?" Nesta asked, a little resigned. Her boyfriend was even more stubborn than she was on the best of days, so sometimes it was easier to just give in rather than fight a ridiculous fight, especially for something they'd talked to death so many times before.

"I know you don't like me coming up to you like that, so I'm the one who owes you an apology," Cassian answered. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

"It's not that you scared me," she told him honestly. Having conversations like these made her insides crawl, but since they were already talking, she thought she might as well rip the entire band-aid off anyways. "I like it when you touch me, I just... need some more warning, is all."

"Okay," he easily agreed. "I'll try to remember that for the future. Okay?"

"Okay," she mumbled. She turned around and started messing with the dishes again just to give herself something to do, not sure where to go from here.

"Is it okay if I give you a hug now?" Cassian asked after a few moments passed.

"Yes," Nesta answered. She took a deep breath and let it go just as his arms slowly circled back around her, letting herself relax as much as she could into the warmth of his embrace. It was much better now that she knew it was coming, and she found herself able to enjoy the feeling of his warm body behind her instead of immediately going into fight-or-flight mode.

"Better?" he murmured, squeezing her gently.

"Better," she repeated.

tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @charming-butt-insane | @oversizedbats | @melphss | @sv0430 | @podemechamardek | @autumnbabylon | @live-the-fangirl-life | @julemmaes | @that-little-red-head | @jmoonjones | @sayosdreams | @thewayshedreamed | @hiimheresworld | @brieq | @pearloftheorients | @swankii-art-teacher | @nerdperson524 | @snickerdoodlechittybangbang | @imsointobooks | @nesquik-arccheron | @sweet-pea1 | @champanheandluxxury | @dustjacketmusings | @mrs-shadowsinger04 | @unlikelypersonalknight1 | @goddess-aelin | @arinbelle | @talkfantasytome | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @duskandstarlight | @letstakethedawn | @vidalinav | @c-e-d-dreamer | @dealfea | @katekatpattywack | @burningsnowleopard

[castlebyersafterdark]

you've mentioned you love upbeat pop and 80s tunes... can you speak a little more on what you'd like for musicality in the final season, soundtrack and score?

i personally think that pop culture is missing the sincerity of 90s/2000s film scores like john williams and swelling violins, and if any show could bring back unabashed sincerity (today known as cheesiness because we are still allergic to being genuine instead of ironic somehow) - its ST! the overall themes and story, the 80s ET-esque influences, and they already went there with an orchestral version of eleven's theme in s4. i really want to feel hopeful and uplifted by this story in a way that makes me feel like a kid again, even though edgier endings are seen as cooler. the score has some beautiful classics like the Eulogy motif that played when bob died, when el searched for her mother, and when mike and el broke up lmao

as for soundtrack, people seem to discuss that a lot and im up for almost anything. i think cyndi lauper will return. we know the clash will return too, and seeing as we centre around will i think more alternative and rock might be the way they go instead of mainly the new wave pop classics.

One of the things that made me fall in love with Stranger Things was that it had such a unique, distinctive score. The synths and specific motifs. Super engaging, really different than what a lot of shows were doing. It's always given the show more of a cinematic quality. I'm hoping for more super cool moments like in season 4 - the Journey revamp, Separate Ways?? So good. And listen, as cheesy as it is, I still get chills when I watch the sequence that mixes Running Up that Hill with the Main Theme, like are you kidding?? I was transfixed, hands white knuckling the couch during that whole sequence. The music just took you there, you know?? And that was just the penultimate season, can you imagine what these fucking insane composers are cooking up for the series finale? Whewwww. Because that moment felt like a series ender based on music usage and YET we get 8 more episodes. I'm so excited for the score choices almost as much for the answers to the mysteries and the shipping payoffs. I really really love movie/tv scores. ST has one of the very best. And the influence! You know how many remixes and covers of common songs have been done with synth stuff over the last decade and they're referred to as "Song Name: Stranger Things Mix" despite not having anything to do with the TV show? Her influence. Respect.

One thing that I disagree with the majority on is a reprisal of Heroes - sure, it can return! But I'd really prefer a score track than a song played whenever Byler gets together. More emotional that way. I don't know where it would fit, and I know everyone loves the lyrical connotation of Heroes, but I think this moment deserves something unique. Pinnacle of all the relationships in the show and no I am not exaggerating. Truly.

I have a playlist of potential season 5 song choices! I'll just list some highlights:

Edge of Seventeen - for the Party! When it skips to 1987. Especially for Will. These lyrics are so Will coded they make me insane.

The Breakup Song - This would be so on the nose cheesy fun, but it's a good song, it sets a mood. Mike and El break up and then some danger strike and boom, needle drop.

We need some Judas Priest for Will, since it's 80s, it's rock, and the lead singer is gay!! I never see this mentioned. He came out in the 90s but that would be so cool for future Will to learn that having known this band from his childhood. There's a lot of relevant songs of theirs to use in s5 but even some of the more obvious ones would be cool.

Love is a Battlefield was briefly in s2 but it would be perfect to get a feature in s5.

I honestly love a Billy Idol White Wedding badass moment for Nancy. It just fits her, I think.

I Ran So Far Away for something with Mike, I think this song is very necessary for him.

Only You by Yazoo for the Lucas/Max reunion!! It's so cute and so them.

A friend posted about this before so I'm not the one who came up with this idea, but they predict that Video Killed the Radio Star is going to be featured in promo, using the Radio Station hideout whenever we get the first teaser trailer and I think that's a very possible route. I see the vision so clearly, kinda can't get that out of my head. I think it also ties the 50s/Creel vibes to the present day characters with the radio vs. video imagery for both promotional stuff and the actual show itself.

Listen to Your Heart, Roxette. Again, for Mike. Introspective moments. Figuring out some heavy truths. Facing feelings.

The Man Who Sold the World for Will in some conjunction with his Henry issues. It's evocative, it's dark, it's Bowie, baby! Maybe remixed and slowed and made very creepy.

I don't think Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division has been in the show yet? But, it should.

Self Control - Laura Branigan

Wake Up the Neighborhood - Holland

No One Lives Forever - Oingo Boingo

Running With the Devil - Van Halen

Beds are Burning - Midnight Oil (can be used for a scene to demonstrate the absurdity of going about life, going to school, under military lockdown, end of the world vibes etc.)

Shout - Tears for Fears

Break on Through to the Other Side - The Doors (WillEl moment or something, I've heard some great remixes of this song!)

I'm mad they already used Thriller in the trailer for s2 because I've heard some fantastic synth remixes and the lyrics are soooo perfect for a scene where monsters are running rampant in Hawkins or something. It would be so 80s and I eat that shit up.

Eye in the Sky - Henry inside the minds of the town, tormenting our leads. Make it creepy. Make everything with him fucked up and dark.

If we don't get a really poignant needle drop with the core four Mike Will Dustin Lucas gearing up for battle to Kids in America, what has all this been for???????

PLEASE. Will in a pivotal moment very late in the season with Should I Stay or Should I Go! Seems obvious but worth listing. Some big scene is going down. Then quiet. No score. Then those first few notes cut the silence. Willlllllll. This to me is in the same vein as the lead up to the scene in Endgame when Cap lifts the hammer?? Sorry, haha you can take the boy outta Marvel but...🤣

[timextoxhajima]

Tea with a Lover

OLYMPUS: GENERATION SCYLLA -> JAY

"Persephone was once known as a vegetation Goddess before she married Hades and became the Goddess of the Underworld. Who were you before you let the world rid you of your identity?"

Member: ENHYPEN Jungwon

Genre: Angst, TW* Suicide

WC: 2.3k

Warnings: uh... none?

He sniffles, eyes wide as he studies the surface of the tea that's in his little ceramic cup. It has some gorgeous twirls of green and gold on the edges and the sides, and without looking, he reaches over to the sugar cubes, picking one up with the tong and plopping it into his tea.

You hadn't even noticed you were sitting right opposite him until he looks up, eyes gleaming like a curious cat with his hair neatly parted at the centre.

"Tea?" He asks, gently pushing a tea cup that seemingly formulates from thin air across the table to you. "Green? Black? Any preference?"

Above you, there's an arch, covered in green Chrysanthemums and Hydrangeas, golden leaves sprouting everywhere else as if it were the placeholder for all the green that the flowers had taken.

"Or would you prefer just biscuits and scones and muffins?"

You turn back to the table and there was a multi-layer dessert plate with the respective items he mentioned, the cup of tea that he offered you, now missing.

"Uh... I think I'd prefer to know where I am... And what I'm doing here."

He was in the middle of munching on a muffin - crumbs falling off his lips when you ask the question. He pauses, licking his lips and setting the muffin down.

He takes in a deep breath, taking a napkin and cleaning the leftover crumbs on his lips.

"Before I answer that... I have a few questions for you, and all you have to do is answer me honestly. Shall we have a deal?"

"All I want to know is where I am. I don't... think we have the time for a conversation."

"Oh, you have plenty of time. You can try to leave but you will find yourself unsuccessful. So you can either try until you've deemed your effort wasted or you can just agree to answer my questions honestly, and I will tell you where you are."

The clarity in his voice is chilling. He's sitting with his hands neatly rested on the edge of the cloth-covered table, fingers and palms intertwined with a small, inviting smile on his face.

There's an awkward silence in the air as you debate the decision to trust him, and it doesn't take him long for him to notice it.

"If you're scared, please don't be. I'm not here to hurt you, if anything, I'm here to help you. So all I need you to do is be honest with me, and that's all I am asking."

The softness in his voice. The comfort of his tone. The lack of danger posed.

You swallow, nervous.

"Okay."

He nods gently, reassuring you as he leans back in his seat, comfortable.

"Let's just... take a breather alright? Tell me about yourself. What's your favourite color? Your favourite food? Your favourite hobby?"

"Um," You rub an eye. "I like green. It reminds me of nature and people. Favourite food? Anything that doesn't have seafood in them, I'm allergic to shellfish and I'm not a huge fan of fish. Hobbies..."

A moment. For some reason, you don't remember what you loved doing.

"I... guess I don't have any. I mean I like to listen to music and go to the movies but there isn't anything I could tell someone I religiously like doing for a hobby."

"Well, what about your dislikes? Pet peeves? Bad experiences?"

"Uh... Not knowing what's... going on? Like right now. The feeling of having no control over what's happening."

His eyes are studying you, but it's not judgemental. They looked more empathetic, like he were trying to guess the words you were thinking even before you said them.

"What's your favourite memory?" He asks after a few moments of silence. "Maybe with someone, with yourself."

Memory? You scratch your brow and rub the skin on your neck, deep in thought.

"Anything that I've done with my cat. He knows when I'm sad. He knows when I'm happy and in the mood for a playful fight. We once went on a bike-hike, but that was a long time ago when he was still young. The views at the top of the hill were gorgeous and I almost lost him because he wanted so much to run into the woods."

He smiles. The ends of his eyes curl up like a cat's, and for a split moment, he looked like one.

"But after he passed, life just kind of... stopped, I guess."

"Why is that so?"

You take a moment to contemplate.

"I don't know."

He pauses. "Do you remember what life was like before you had him?"

No.

"Yeah. It was dull, but alright. You know, you just live the life of every other average Tom."

"And were there any moments in this 'dull' life you lived that you treasure?"

The question was difficult. It takes you a few moments to process it, and honestly, the answer was 'yes'.

Your first scar on your knee was from learning how to ride a bicycle, being pushed down a slope... only to fly right off because you hit the brakes all too suddenly. Going home to your mother and crying about it, only to be fed with chicken soup and have your wound dressed by her.

The scent of warm chocolate and mint in the air whilst you decorate the family Christmas tree. Watching the first snow fall from your bed, only for you to dash out into the lawn and kick it around, try to make snowballs.

Going to a party with your friends, having that sick feeling in your stomach when a boy locked eyes with you and then offered to take you for a late night stroll.

Listening to café music in a bookshop, with the scent of paper and wood in the air. The store owner was an old man who used to be a newspaper boy, and would forget about time when he brought you coffee and talked about his younger days.

"y/n," His voice breaks your train of thought. "I need you to know your life wasn't dull."

You glare at him. "You don't know what I thought about my life, and you wouldn't understand. Nobody does."

"I'm not saying I do, I'm saying that being average and being 'dull' made it any less than everybody else's."

"Unfortunately, I wanted a more-than-average life," You suck in a deep breath and look at him with some kind of authority. "My life was measured by accomplishments and the ones I had was not enough to make my life a life."

He looks at you like you were a dying puppy on the side of the road, who had been kicked at by strangers and then run over by a car.

"I don't need your pity. I don't need this therapy session. You asked me to answer your questions and I have."

He looks down at his tea cup and picks it up.

"The deal was you answer me truthfully and I answer you, but you haven't been honest."

"How will you know what's true and what's a lie? I could've been lying the entire damn time and you wouldn't know."

"But I do," He pauses, frowning and finally placing his tea cup down. "I know you were telling the truth about your cat but you were not telling the truth about how you felt about your life."

"You have no fucking right to tell me how I feel about my life."

"And you have no right to treat yourself the way everybody else has been treating you."

At this moment, the skies darken. Clouds seemingly grow thicker in just a matter of seconds and the Hydrangeas and Chrysanthemums wilt. There's a flash of lightning, then a gentle thunderclap as the rain begins to drizzle and speckle into your lashes.

"Tell me," He speaks over the sound of the rain pattering onto the arch and the surrounding ground. His voice is slightly broken, and the rain in his eyes is making it hard to tell if he was crying. "On these rainy days... Did it make you feel any worse?"

"What?" You frown at him, confused. "What do any of your questions have anything to do with rain?"

"Could you have controlled it?"

"What? The rain? No!"

The water is soaking through his hair, the water droplets falling off the edges and soaking into his emerald gown.

"Then why can't you see that half the things you blame yourself for are not within your control?"

Your heart is heavy. As heavy as the clouds and as heavy as the remorse in his voice.

"What in the world are you talking about? Where am I? What am I doing here? Who the Hell are you?"

"All those nights you cried over things that weren't in your control... The things people said and did and hurt you were not your decision to make. The feelings that made you feel the way you did is a natural reaction and none of them were your fault. Rejection is redirection, failure is a stepping stone to success. These are all just words that you can ignore but you can never forget."

Now, the rain is heavier. He's shouting across the table. The tea was getting diluted and the food on the multi-layer dessert table looked like they were falling apart.

"I exist in your heart and in your memory, and if you choose to forget the beauty that life has had to offer you, I will cease to exist."

"You're not making any sense at all," You stand abruptly, pushing the chair backwards and turning around. There were thick bushes that seemingly opened into a maze, and the thought of going into it scares you.

But he starts to shout for you, and he begins to run after you. In a bid to escape the confusion, you run into the maze.

"y/n! Where are you?"

The rain gets heavier, the winds get stronger and there are leaves flying everywhere.

You turn the corner, failing to notice the puddle of water on the floor. With a harsh exclamation, you slip and land on your knees, the pinch familiar in your legs as you look down and see the wound.

"Oh, are you alright? Come here, darling. Are you okay? Are you injured anywhere else?"

Your eyes are seeing through him, but he was there, and he felt real. Your father, patting your head and checking the bleeding wound on your knee.

"We'll wrap up for today, okay? Let's go home and get you cleaned up."

He stands, holding your hand in his.

But a flash of lightning blinds you for a second, and he disappears. Your heart drops, and you look down to see that the wound had been replaced with the scar.

You turn around to the endless lane of bush, only to see the leaves decorated with golden and silver balls. Fake snow in the form of cotton balls and bells hanging from the little branches.

Feeling sick to your stomach from how overwhelming it was, you squat, hands covering the top of your head with your forearms covering your ears.

And as the world falls to a calming silence, something warm and fuzzy brushes against your leg.

Two amber eyes stare right into yours, ears perched and curious with his head tilted to the side. His tail is politely curled to his side, sitting like a gentleman before you.

Meow.

Then there's that horrid thunderclap again, this time louder, this time harsher, and beyond him, the bush had seemingly began to be torn away, disappearing into a whitish black hole.

You reach out to the cat, and embrace him fully. Eyes shut tight and arms wrapped safely around him, you become one with everything else.

The snow is light in your beanie, gently soaking its way through and into your hair as you push the door open. The amber lighting of the store makes you feel like you had just turned back the clock.

You look around, noticing that some of the books that had normally been there had disappeared, and there were new ones on some shelves as well. There's a door opening somewhere, and you lean on one leg to peer down an isle, hoping to greet him.

He gasps, and your heart breaks when you notice he's walking with a walking stick now. "Oi, you! Where have you been? I've heard some stories all around about you being in the hospital now, what happened?"

"Nothing much," Hurrying forward to help him with his other arm, you walk him to the seating area by the window. "I'm fine now, don't worry."

"Well, the tea and chocolate is in the back, you know where it is. I'm getting on in my years and this back of mine isn't working very well anymore."

"You should retire and rest at home," You get up to get his favourite coffee. "I could help you with the shop every now and then if you need help with it."

"Awh, but you needn't. I've gotten a young lad to come have the store on my behalf. I wanted to ask you but you seem like you have to take care of yourself first."

"Oh?" You bring the cup of coffee over. "Who is it? Anybody I know?"

"No. New in town. Loves mythology. Very entertaining lad," Then the bell by the door rings. "Oh, it must be him. Come, let me introduce you, alright?"

He struggles to stand, so you hurry to him first. But you look up and at the door, and there he was, standing in a beautiful velvet-green coat and a golden flower brooch on his left chest.

"Jungwon, I'd like you to meet y/n. She's been one of my regulars since she was in school and had you not come along, I'd had given her the store. She's a part of this shop now, so be nice to her."

There's a little glimmer in Jungwon's eyes as he smiles at you. He nods.

"I'm sure we can get acquainted. I think we've met before."

[paranormaljones]

I would love to hear about any WIPs you're in the mood to talk about (always!), but bonus points if any of the answers address And I Would Stay a Little Longer 💙💙 9, 10, 14, 21

Bless you!! I can't wait to answer all of these, they're so much fun 🤩 I'm gonna answer them for both AIWS and DoW because they're the wips I'm currently most passionate about.

9: What's your favorite dialogue you've written so far?

This is SUCH a difficult choice for AIWS, because I honestly am so attached to all of it. XD But I'm really fond of this little exchange between George, Lockwood, and Lucy. It's important to me to have little light moments like this in a fic with such an inherently heavy premise. (sorry it's so long 😅)

"You don’t seem to have any malevolent intentions. Of course, if you did, your miasma would be the first thing you’d disguise.” “George.” Lucy snorted. “No, he’s right. You’ve caught me. Let’s see if you two can handle the full force of my ‘malevolent intentions.’” Before either of the boys could say anything, Lucy shut her eyes tight and flung her arms out in front of her, sending a gentle flutter of fallen leaves scattering into their faces. And just like that, the heaviness was broken, like moonlight spilling out from behind a blanket of clouds. Lucy laughed as the boys spluttered leaf bits from their mouths. Lockwood found himself smiling at the sound. “She’s too dangerous, Lockwood. What did I say about how we shouldn’t trust her?” George said as he shook leaves from his hair. “Quite right. I should have listened to you. We’ll be lucky if she lets us live.” Lockwood winked across the clearing at Lucy, warmed by the spark of mirth in her eyes.

As for Dog of War, I haven't written much of it at all yet, but I really like this little snippet between Destry and Maggie. It's short but it's a solid establishment of Destry's character. She doesn't hesitate to protect and provide, but she's absolutely hellish to the people who have wronged her. (plus the dog symbolism is very integral to her)

Destry was already halfway out the door. “I’ll be back before the sun’s high. He’ll be with me. Make sure Marcel has dinner ready. If they’ve been treating Lem half as kindly as they treated me, he’ll be starved.” Maggie nodded grimly. “Just bring him back, and give ‘em hell.” Destry smiled like a hungry hound. And then she was gone.

10: What is the last line of dialogue you've written?

To answer that for DoW is easy, because it's that little snippet up there. XD

For AIWS, it's this little bit that still makes my eyes a little misty when I think about it.

After nearly twenty minutes of searching, Lockwood whirled around to Lucy from down on the bank. He had an impossibly brilliant smile, and for a moment he felt as though he couldn’t speak around the odd lump in his throat and the thrumming in his chest. Lucy gazed back at him, a mirror of his emotions without knowing their cause. “Lockwood?” “There’s no deathglow.”

14: What have you been finding frustrating with writing this fic?

The answer is the same for both of them: focus. My focus has been all over the place and if I could change one thing about myself instantly, it'd be to improve my ability to focus and be consistent with things, especially writing. I hate taking long unannounced breaks in between chapters of my published fics, but I don't yet have the discipline to stay consistent with writing unless I'm in the midst of an intense fixation on my wip. It's very frustrating.

21: Share three songs that would belong on a playlist for this fic.

For AIWS: If We're Being Honest by Novo Amor (where the title of the fic comes from), flare by sød ven, and Embody Me by Novo Amor.

For DoW: Frozen Pines by Lord Huron, Way Out There by Lord Huron, and this one is incredibly specific but Canyon Chase from the Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron soundtrack by Hans Zimmer.

[awkwardgtace]

So random ask,

Is there an aspect of an OC that you would like to explore but haven’t found the way to? (It can be any OC and it could be anything from a little quirk, a personality trait or literally anything you think about them and that you’d like to share)

ok i have been excited to answer this and I think honestly it's the more negative traits each of my OCs have.

Like I could do something where i feed into an obsession or ambition, but I don't know if i would enjoy writing it or have fun with others reading it. There's been a few times where I sort of wrote myself into a corner and had to back track because it was too far gone to make a reasonable resolution that felt good (to me)

More with Corus his anger and recklessness (impulsive actions that lead to closer calls or something that finally went too far) Kyrie's a bit obsessive need to protect (willing to take whoever it is away from what he perceives as danger, against their will) Melody's negativity (pushing others away and refusing to let anyone in) Mira's willingness to die for the good of others Vitus's determination to keep things stable Felix and his focus to keep the people he cares about safe (a character that in a different universe ignores that a tiny is very much human) Ash has an unexplored interest in preserving the beauty of nature I've gone pretty deep into before bailing out before Ian's anxiety leading to negative actions when he's big, trusting the wrong person when he's small

I could go into like every oc and their problems I want to explore at some point, but I don't really know how I would. I admit I do have a tendency to lean into darker tones for fiction in preference for consuming or creating. So something with them.

It's come closest when my own mood sours and I try to write. Part of when I take longer breaks too. I don't want to let my own shitty mood dictate something that doesn't fit my characters (my dm for pathfinder even catches me in those moods to keep me on track)

One day I might do a sort of horror challenge and write the bad things out. I have at least 1 oc who would build a really nice tube connection they have for mice and guinea pigs, but for a colony of tinies completely ignoring their wants to escape and get away

I have rambled for sure, but it's a lot of just exploring the unchecked bad traits of ocs.

Honestly there's been a lot of ideas i toyed with of showing the darker parts where it's framed as a good thing. Creature Mira au where she has to do something a lot more than killing monsters. Kaiju Ash au where their change made their own morals go corrupt. I did do it with Corus and Mira sort of, the bad end non canon stories of Assassin Mira gambling and Human Corus meeting Mira in a world that just sort of is a bit different.

Ok I'm actually gonna stop rambling but i'll happily go further on anything that i've said or any oc I didn't list that you wanna know about. I'm actually gonna think about making a list of like horror versions of stories where I do this now, maybe next october.

[pavo-ocxllus]

« rewind. / pause. / fast forward. »

you knew of TARTAGLIA's strength in spite of his lithe build, but he seemed awfully relaxed behind the thin sheet of glass separating the two of you. it seemed unlikely for him to pull anything.

you managed to relax yourself, letting out a deep sigh. "i'd appreciate it if you won't keep up your remarks and focus on lessening your sentence."

"of course, of course—the sooner, the better."

you were a little surprised how enthusiastic he was to get this done. did he say that just to throw you off?

...whatever, you weren't about to get shaken up by him.

"alright... let's get to the point. do you remember anything from two weeks ago?"

"i seem to forget... but you know who i won't?"

just wanting for this interrogation to go smoothly, you let him continue. 

"you."

you sighed. "look, i'm not sure what this is, but i don't think your family will appreciate it when we withdraw from your case—"

"what," the room immediately sent a blast of arctic freeze through your blood at the change of tone evident in his voice. scary how people can quicklychange not only their mood, but the mood at the same time. "how the hell did they—"

"i don't mean to interrupt," a familiar voice broke tartaglia out of that chilling transformation, the both of you redirecting your attention to behind you. "there's someone here to see you."

KAEYA relaxed himself against the door frame, his face not betraying an ounce of his plans. naturally, tartaglia was quick to raise a brow. was quick to raise a brow.

"who?"

"oh, nobody special i presume... there is a young boy, though. looks about the spitting image of you—how adorable-"

"kaeya," you interjected. it was then you noticed tartaglia's hands shaking from behind the plexiglass. you started walking towards the door. "a word, please."

closing the door behind you, kaeya changed his position to rest on that instead of the door frame. 

"that definitely wasn't necessary."

"oh yeah? the interrogation was going a little bit slow for my taste, so i figured that i'd quicken things up a little."

"well, you didn't have to do it like that!"

"i'm sorry, but who's the criminal here?" much like tartaglia's, kaeya's tone grew dark, the glint in his eyes dimming. "he's murdered, [name]—he's a danger to society. he has no regard for others, much less himself. you can't exactly play nice with him."

"i know that!" letting your emotions get true better of you, kaeya and some other officers nearby perked up. "but he's already been tried for that and serving his time. i don't know about you, but i'm focused on his current case. in eyes of the law, he's innocent until proven guilty!"

you took his silence as a push to continue. "i won't stop at anything to prove whatever it is—but as of now, he didn't do anything."

pushing past him to get back to the interrogation room, you then noticed tartaglia was now more relaxed than he was when you first went in. the way his brash confidence replaced by quietness strangely made him look less tense.

"...you didn't have to do that."

"i wanted to," you answered honestly. "it's just something about his tactics that feel underhanded..."

"i'll take part in the questioning," he suddenly blurted it out, much to your surprise. "i'll be out of your hair in no time."

you couldn't help but try and hold in a squeal and your obvious elation. "that's great! uh, i mean... good."

you were quick to get yourself situated, finding a chair nearby to start questioning. "alright... back to where we've started... do you remember what happened two weeks ago? the night of mr. ragnvindr's crash?"

"easy. it was my youngest brother, teucer's birthday. i thought i'd get him a little gift with some money i made at the prison and give it to him in person while i'm at it."

ignoring his casual admittance of jailbreak, you just jotted it down and continued. "is there any reason why anyone would accuse you of the crime?"

"well... now that i think about it, i believe so. i'm not the only fatui head, as you probably know. and let's say we're not exactly... fond of each other."

"anyone in particular?"

"hmm... if i had to say... the fair lady, the marionette, and... ah ha! the balladeer."

"why do you think so?"

he was about to give you an answer, but then stopped himself. you knew by how quick he was to pick up after you that he was going to go off on a rant, but he seemed to value your time enough to cut himself.

"if you're going to track them down by themselves, i wouldn't bother with the first two... one's six feet under, though she's moreso toasted," he snickered as if you'd get it. "and the other... i think she's only just annoyed by me. as for the balladeer..."

tartaglia stopped again. 

"he just has something out for me... though i guess that's not saying much 'cause he has something out for everybody."

a dry laugh rang out through the room. 

"i see..." seeing that you were reaching the end of your prepared questions, you went to look up to him for one last time. "do you have anyone else that can testify for you?"

"there's my family, obviously. my subordinates and co-workers, though who's to say that they wouldn't break their oaths and commit perjury just to rise up the ranks..."

"...right, i think that just about does it," after a period of silence, you added the final notes and beamed up at him, standing up. "thank you for cooperating."

"thank you for not dropping my case," tartaglia sighed, a smile on his face despite you opening the door, letting two officers file in to fetch him. "and one more thing—well—two more things."

"yeah?"

"i meant it when i said you're a pretty one. just thought you should know," the sparkle of sincerity in his eyes caused you to blush. "and you can call me childe. it's quicker, and something tells me we'll be seeing each other more often after today."

he left the room with the officers tight on his trail.

↳ continue.

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐫? 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞! <𝟑

[devil-doll13]

1, 11, and 19 for Adam <3

5,9, and 10 for Zach <3

7,18, and 3 for Abby <3

I'm excited cause I picked random numbers for fun and can't wait to see what the questions and answers are! 🤣

T33thy! <3 Thankyou for all the asks let me see:

From This

Adam

1 - Not anymore, probably. When he had his revelation something changed in him, and urged him to accept it all; his human body does amazing things not limited by any definition of beauty. Before, though, and maybe in moments in between, it might’ve been his extensive scarring. It reminded him of who he used to be.

11 - It was a necessity growing up and when he was in the military to be able to deal with pain, but I wouldn’t say his threshold for it was particularly impressive or anything. Now, it’s doubtful how much it would bother him at all;

19 - The thin scar on his ribcage. During his army days one of his ribs was fractured so badly it was simply decided it would be much easier to just remove the rib in order to avoid further damage. Because he wears a lot of open shirts, it’s often visible, so it appears he feels comfortable enough with it now despite its grisly past.

Zach

5 - Acts of Service and Physical Touch. He’s a man of action, quite physically oriented and capable, so this isn’t a surprise. Obviously he’s quite dedicated to protecting you (if you need it) and keeping you safe, but also the little things like fixing you your preferred drink just the way you like it in the mornings, or just in general cooking for you bc we all know he’s great at it. Just going out of his way to make life a bit easier for you. When you also do things like make him his coffee in his favourite way or preparing things for him ahead of time to make his day simpler, his heart also melts for you a little bit <3

9 - Sometimes a little too good at it. It’s at least useful to have a good handle on it when he’s gathering intel; he basically treats these times like a little routine he does. Getting him into a more than surface level conversation can be difficult and frustrating if he isn’t in the mood for it.

10 - “You’re nothing like her.” Said to him by his dad, referring to his mom. Zach in a lot of ways almost had this legacy to live up to, since his father loved Isabel to the point where he found it painful to raise their child alone, which caused a lot of damage to their relationship unfortunately.

Abigail

3 - Jude. It’s kind of twisted that, despite the fact that Abigail literally died at her hands, Jude was still the closest thing to family she ever had. Maybe she had both a positive and negative effect on Abby; I mean, when I say Abigail barely knows how healthy relationships (of any kind) work, I mean it. It ended tragically, but I do think the momentary joy she felt at least meant something after a lifetime of feeling disconnected from humanity.

7 - Uh… Not well. I think Abby has some serious attachment issues, which could really get nasty if we’re considering the implications of her… Sorcery and such ahaha I mean… The grave can’t keep anyone down to her, I don’t think. Even if she only had their physical image to cling to. Don’t get me started on people who want to leave; I won’t get into it here, better save it for her alphabet or something.

18 - Yes. I honestly think she does, as a hangers-on from the more fantastical things she believed in as a child and teen. Probably more ‘Wuthering Heights’ style violent and dangerous attachment. Now, I’m not so sure, because she’s grown bitter and cynical. She probably wouldn’t believe there’s anyone meant in this world for her, at least.

[d-nghy-ck]

what i remember your writing by - the fleeting lines of imagery that encapsulate the mood of the piece so well without actively describing the emotions, you know? it's so, so wonderful and artistic the way you pull it off. take this line from Citrus Summer for instance: "Your fingers break the peel as your gaze returns to him, the view enhanced by the spritz of citrus visibly floating in the sunlight." it feels like a stolen moment in time or an oil painting coming to life SHEER BRILLIANCE 😭

(1/??) tumblr is acting out and my asks don't seem to get through to you 🤬🤬🤬 BUT ANYWAYS EXPECT A FLURRY OF NOTIFICATIONS because i plan to geek out in full, please and thank you. so this is from Silk: "A passing car shines headlights through the window of your apartment, briefly revealing the glimmer of his hooded eyes gazing down on you." - this little snippet flashes in my mind whenever i think about Silk (which is.... quite... often....)

(2/??) as i was saying!! i completely adore how that little detail is literal and yet somehow metaphorical at the same time and it's really beautiful. tangible but it turns intangible the longer you linger on it and just. PURE ART!! i hope this makes sense fhjdkfhjdkfj but i have a tendency to fixate on feelings and sensations more than, information or details irl too, so the way you write things is just very. pretty to me heheh

(3/??) the closing lines of Peach Tea: "... you’re rendered breathless as he matches the scene around him; the light filtering through the trees casts his deserving halo, his eyes glow ..." first off, the way you make words flow is just SEXY. second, i really really really like the imagery here. DHJSKDJDK don't have words to do you justice but your writing makes me feel things. wonderful, exquisite things 😭💞 thank you for sharing your talent with the world

MIA??????

Ahhh thank you so much for sharing the parts you enjoyed; not only is this so heartwarming and validating for me, but also helpful to know what readers enjoy in particular <3 I really really appreciate it. And from a sis as well-read and well-spoken as you, I am just so flattered. 

I also fixate on feelings and sensations more than information or action!?! I’m pretty sure you just read my mind??? Ahahah <3 Looks like we were meant to be friends, because we just understand each other’s viewpoint too well not to be. Tbh, my focus on detail and senses in my writing is something I contemplate often, if it’s too much or too heavy in a way that it might plunge the reader down, away from the tempo of the piece, but hearing that you enjoy it really helps!! I’ll just keep trying my best to facilitate flow while continuously loading the senses. Feelings and emotions, though? We will never diminish them, they will always be fully loaded, bursting. 

I’m sorry tumblr was a pain in the butt, though your asks made me beam ehehe <3 All this flattery TT^TT “an oil painting come to life” sjhakfgh. Also thank you for thinking of Silk.... often..... ahahah <3 Everyone comments on the headlights in Silk, always. People love a good mood lighting ;) Ok, but can you imagine being in the dark with him, following him ambiguously with your hands, when suddenly his eyes glow with a passing light, ohohoho instant h***y!!! Alert!!!! Alert!!!! 

I’m proud of the closing lines of Peach Tea, too!! They say a lot about how she perceives him through imagery without explicitly stating it, as you say. I’m really satisfied with them!! 

Take care Mia, I appreciate you so much <3 You sweet, kind soul. 

[genshin-impact-writings]

For the event:

Xiao, 7( ✨angst✨), 4 ;)

First of all, I'm terribly sorry that it took me so long to finish this! And secondly, what a great choice of prompts. Hopefully, you're still interested in this, lol. Also, this is by far the longest Genshin fic I've written so far and also the first time I tried the 5+1-trope, so I really hope y'all will like it. Pls don't let this flop.

Prompts: general, 4: 5 times this, 1 time that + angst, 7: “I never thought it would have to end like this.” (700 followers event: Mystery Prompts)

Summary: Five times, Xiao saved you and one time, he failed.

Warnings: mentions of blood, injuries and violence; character death; no happy ending 

The future came suddenly – Xiao x gn!reader (angst) 

The first time, Xiao saved you was unexpected for both of you. You were out for a walk near Liyue Harbor, enjoying the warmth of the sun on your skin and the soft breeze of early summer. It almost felt like an eternity since you last had a day off, and it honestly had never felt so good to be out of the city and far away from the hustle and bustle of one of the most important trading centers in all of Teyvat. Not that it wasn’t nice to live in a place like that – after all, things never got boring there, but you still had to admit that it could be quite overwhelming from time to time. 

Slowly, you made your way uphill, lost in your own thoughts as the hills around you increased in size, turning into steep mountains with rugged peaks. Here and there, the path was covered with smaller stones that could easily turn into a tripping hazard if one wasn’t careful but it wasn’t the first time you were taking this trail uphill. You were pretty sure that you knew exactly where you needed to be extra cautious. Then, all of a sudden, you heard a deep rumbling somewhere above your head. 

“Watch out!” a voice behind you called out, and before you even knew what was happening, someone pushed you out of the way, right before a small avalanche of rocks crushed down on the path you had just been walking on. You stumbled backwards, trying to keep your balance when someone grabbed your wrist and pulled you forward to prevent you from falling. With wide eyes, you stared at your savior, a young man with dark hair and golden eyes. He looked back at you, the expression on his face completely unfazed, despite the fact that he had just saved you from getting injured. 

“Are you okay?”

You blinked and cleared your throat. “Yes. Thank you.”

He nodded. “Good. Be more careful next time”

“Okay.”

There was an awkward silence, then. The young man cleared his throat. “You should head back to Liyue. These paths are dangerous today.”

Something in the way he spoke told you not to question his words, despite the fact that you had at least a dozen questions, starting from “Who are you?” all the way to “Why did you save me?”. But just the way he still looked at you with that blank expression in his eyes made it very clear that he wasn’t in the mood to answer any of these. 

You sighed. “Alright, I’m going back. Thanks again for saving me.”

With that and a flickering, slightly insecure smile, you waved at him before turning around and making your way back to the city, leaving Xiao wondering why his heart was suddenly beating a lot faster than it did normally.  

*

It wasn’t until almost one month later when you saw each other again. Despite not knowing anything about him, you sometimes caught yourself thinking about the stranger that had saved you that day, wondering where he might be. Later on, you couldn’t help but wonder if it had been fate that had brought you to Wangshu Inn to eliminate a nearby Hilichurl camp at Verr Goldet’s request that day.

The commission itself hadn’t been too difficult, and so you were in a good mood when you headed back to the impressive building that towered over Dihua Marsh. Maybe, you wondered later, that had been the reason why you hadn’t paid more attention to your surroundings, but in the end, it probably didn’t matter anyway. 

It was only when you heard a noise behind you that you realized that something was wrong. You wheeled around, only to find yourself eye to eye with a bunch of Treasure Hoarders. Oh, dear Archons, this couldn’t be true. Why did these things always happen to you? With a quiet sigh, you summoned your weapon, adjusting your stance as you prepared yourself for the inevitable fight. 

The next second, someone dashed past you. 

It was the young main you had met near Liyue Harbor a while ago, and for a couple of seconds, you could only stare at him, with your mouth slightly agape, as he blocked the Treasure Hoarders’ attacks, countering their strikes without the slightest bit of hesitation. He was an excellent and experienced fighter, that much was clear. Mesmerized, you watched him dodging another attack, only to lunge forward almost immediately and knock down yet another Treasure Hoarder. Now there was only one left, and he already looked like he was going to run for the hills before the young man even turned his attention to him. 

“If I ever see one of you around here,” the young man growled as he stared at the group in front of him, fear very well visible in their eyes, “I won’t show any mercy. Now leave.”

It was almost funny how they bobbed up, not even trying to gather their belongings off the ground before they took flight. But the quiet laughter stuck in your throat when the young man turned around to face you. “It’s dangerous to be out here alone,” he said, his gaze flickering over your body, almost as if he was trying to figure out whether you had been injured during the battle or not. You felt your face heat up, a bit embarrassed about the fact that he had to save you a second time, once again because you had been too unaware of your surroundings. Trying to play it cool, you finally said, “But I’m not alone.”

He huffed. “I can’t come to your rescue every time you get yourself into trouble.”

“I guess that’s fair,” you agreed. “By the way, I forgot to introduce myself the last time we met. I’m (Y/N).”

A pretty name, but he’d rather bite his tongue off than admit that. Instead, he just nodded and replied, “You can call me Xiao.”

You smiled at him, a genuine, thankful smile that made him turn his head away to hide the rose-colored blush dusting his cheeks. “It’s really nice to meet you, Xiao.”

*

The third time, Xiao saved you was the time that would slowly change your relationship. Of course, neither of you knew as you wandered around Guili Plains, each of you lost in your own thoughts. Neither of you spoke but with Xiao, it was almost always like that. In the weeks and months that had passed, you had gotten to know him well enough to know that he rarely was in a chatty mood and preferred listening to your stories about your days in Liyue. And even if you remained silent for a while, just like today, it was never an awkward silence. 

It also had become a habit for both of you to meet up at least once or twice a week to spend some time with each other, although Xiao had told you that it would be better for you to stay away from him more than once. “It’s dangerous to be with me,” he had said, his peculiar, yet hauntingly beautiful eyes filled with so much anger and pain that you knew right away that you wouldn’t be able to break off your friendship. So you, stubborn as you could be, had simply shrugged his warnings off, assuring him that you felt perfectly safe by his side. And over time, it seemed like he almost looked forward to seeing you. Maybe he even considered you a friend now, just like you thought of him as a friend. Or perhaps more than that, judging by the way your heart started to beat faster when he was near. But you had always pushed these thoughts to the back of your mind – more or less successfully, for the record.

“You are staring at me,” Xiao said, snapping you out of your thoughts. “In fact, you’ve been staring a lot at me lately.”

“Oh.” You hadn’t even noticed it but the fact that he had caught you in the act made your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Immediately, you forced your attention away from him and looked down at the ground instead. “Sorry.”

“It’s – fine.”

You turned your head back to him abruptly, astonishment written all over your face. Never, not in a million years, had you expected an answer like that from him, and judging by the expression in his eyes, he was just as surprised as you. “I mean, I- hey, be careful!”

His warning came too late; you had already tripped over the remains of a small stone wall, most likely part of one of the ruins that were scattered all across the area. In an instant, Xiao stepped forward and grabbed your wrist, pulling you back to prevent you from falling. You stumbled against him, your hands resting on his chest, and your breath hitched in your throat when you realized how close he was to you.

“Don’t worry,” he said, his voice unexpectedly soft. “I’ve got you.”

You didn’t reply, not only because you were actually at a loss for words, but also because your mouth suddenly felt so dry that you surely wouldn’t be able to say something, even if you wanted. All you could do was stare at him once again, utterly mesmerized by the gentle expression in his eyes. He had never looked at you like that before. 

“Whatever you’re doing to me,” you finally managed to say, “you have to stop it. I don’t have the strength to resist you if you continue to look at me like that.”

His hands were resting on your waist now, and almost unconsciously, he pulled you closer to him. “Only if you stop, too.”

“I don’t think I can,” you whispered. 

“Then it seems like we’re both lost.” 

And then, he leaned in, and his lips brushed against yours in a barely-there kiss. 

*

The fourth time, you really didn’t expect him to come to your rescue. The situation, albeit irritating and utmost annoying, was not dangerous, at least not in your opinion, and you were more than surprised when Xiao suddenly appeared right next to you, taking your hand and interlacing your fingers.

It was at Wangshu Inn, when you were standing on one of the decks, watching the sunset over Dihua Marsh, just like you did every time when you visited Xiao there. Sometimes, he joined you, but today, he was still somewhere out there, dealing with yet another Hilichurl camp on Verr Goldet’s behalf. That was how it came that you were alone when one of the house guests, a friendly looking, young man dressed in various shades of green, approached you, trying to engage you in a conversation. 

At first, you thought that he just wanted to have a chat while he waited for his friends or his partner but after a while, you realized that he was getting awfully comfortable in his spot next to you. You frowned at the way he smiled at you, and when he started to compliment you, it finally sunk in that he was trying to flirt with you. Oh, please no. But what made it worse was that he didn’t even give you the chance to interrupt him to tell him that you had zero interest in him. That you were already in a relationship with the most wonderful person you had ever met. But then again, the guy probably wouldn’t have listened to you anyway because he didn’t even get the hint that you weren’t interested when you took a few steps backwards, hands raised in a deprecating manner. “Listen, I think I-“

“No, please,” he cut in, following suit. “It’s really nice to talk to you.”

“Yeah, but-“

“I was wondering if you wanted to join me for dinner. And perhaps a few drinks afterwards?”

“Oh,” you said, a fake smile plastered onto your face now. “No, that won’t be possible, I’m actually waiting for someone, you know.”

“But I don’t see anyone,” the man replied as he took another step towards you. “Come on, don’t be shy. I promise I don’t bite.” In the very moment he raised his hand to grab your arm, a gust of wind breezed past you, and the next second, Xiao had materialized right next to you. His hand found yours, interlacing your fingers, as he stared at the guy in front of you, deadpan. “I suggest you get lost,” he said, the tone of his voice dangerously calm. “Your company is unwanted.”

The man raised his hands. “Take it easy. I was already about to leave.”

 “If someone bothers you like that again,” Xiao said and wrapped his arm around your shoulder to pull you closer as you watched the guy bustle off, “call me. I’ll deal with them.”

“My warrior,” you sighed with a grin, already melting into his touch. “What would I do without you?” 

*

You awoke with a start, a muffled cry escaping your parted lips, your heart hammering in your chest, as you stared into the darkness of your bedroom with wide eyes. A dream, you slowly realized, nothing but a bad dream. But everything had seemed so damn real; the burning city, the cries for help, the harsh wind that had made your eyes water the moment you had lifted your head to see what was going on.

Suddenly, the mattress dipped right next to you. You almost jumped out of your skin, backing away slightly to turn on the small lamp on your nightstand. Golden colored eyes followed your movements, and you felt a wave of relief washing over you when you recognized Xiao. With his head slightly tilted, he watched you, observing your trembling hands and the tears that trickled from your lashes. He didn’t try to reach out for you, he didn’t even talk until you crawled back to him, burying your face in the crook of his neck as you wrapped your arms around him. “What are you doing here?”

“You screamed my name when you woke up,” he said. “I thought you were hurt.” 

“I’m fine,” you replied. “Just a nightmare.”

A blatant lie, but Xiao didn’t probe further. Instead, he just hugged you back and let you cry until your quiet sobs turned into equally quiet hiccups. 

“It’s alright,” Xiao whispered, cradling you in his arms, “there’s no need to cry. I’m here.” While it was true that he sometimes struggled with understanding human emotions, it still made his heart ache and his hands tremble to see you like this. For a second, he cursed himself for not staying by your side after you had fallen asleep but then again, even the Vigilant Yaksha was powerless before nightmares. There was nothing he could have done to protect you from the things your subconsciousness showed you in your sleep, but all of that didn’t change the fact that he felt horribly guilty.  

“Everything will be alright,” he continued softly, fighting back the quiet voice in the back of his head that blamed him for your tears. “I promise. I will do everything to keep you safe.”

*

The ground was shaking beneath his feet, moving like a trapped animal that desperately tried to break free from its restraints. Dark and heavy storm clouds veiled the sky; a sharp wind tugged at his clothes as he raised his hand to shield his face against the lashing rain. In the distance, he could see the stormy see, the waves so high that they could easily destroy the entire city if they got close to the shore with that much force. And in between all of this, basking in the chaos he had brought upon this land once again, Osial, the Overlord of the Vortex. 

The sight of him sent an unpleasant shiver down Xiao’s spine. It reminded him of a battle long ago, a battle that had not only destroyed this beautiful land but had also taken countless lives before Rex Lapis had put an end to it. Xiao still remembered the aftermath vividly, the flooded lands, the lifeless bodies of the ones they hadn’t been able to save… throughout the years, the memories of the Archon War had never faded completely but today, everything he had so carefully locked away came to the surface again – and with it, all the pain he had tried to forget. 

He gulped, trying to fight back the memories before they could overwhelm him. “You need to go,” he said, turning his head to look at you. “Please. I need you to be safe.”

“No! I’m not leaving you or the others here to fight while I go and hide until this is over.” It was stupid, you knew that, but there was no way you would run away now. Not when Xiao was staying, ready to fight for Liyue one more time. 

He grabbed your shoulders. “Leave,” he repeated, the tone of his voice more urgent now. “All of this is out of your range. I know you want to help but I’m not risking to lose you, just because you insist on helping me when you clearly shouldn’t.”

“But Xiao…” Your eyes were wide and filled with fear as you looked back at him. He shook his head before he leaned in to rest his forehead against yours. “I need you to be safe,” he said again. “Please promise me to stay out of this.”

“I’ll try.”

*

Xiao knew how it felt to get hurt. During the years, he had suffered countless injuries, leaving him scarred, both physically and mentally. Pain really was nothing new to him. 

Still, he had never experienced how it felt to have his heart ripped out of his chest and shattered into a million pieces right before his eyes. 

But when the dust settled and the ocean calmed down, he did.  

It was Aether who cried out for him after the battle, and at first, Xiao had thought that the traveler had once again managed to get himself into trouble, but when he manifested by his side, slowly rising to his feet, he realized that this time, it wasn’t about Aether.

It was about you. 

You were lying on the ground, upper body propped up against a bunch of rocks, blood dripping from a wound right below your ribs, staining the wet sand a scary crimson color. When you spotted Xiao, a weak smile flashed over your face. He fell down on his knees right next to you. “Aether,” he said, “we need a healer.”

“Xiao…” The traveler’s voice was quiet. “I don’t think-“

“Now!” Xiao cried, although he knew that Aether was probably right. But he couldn’t accept it, he couldn’t let you die without at least trying to save you. He pressed his lips together, unable to hold back the tears that welled up in his eyes as he realized that he had failed you. He had promised to protect you – and yet, here you were, dying in his arms, still smiling at him like none of this was his fault, like he didn’t break his promise. “Don’t cry,” you whispered, your voice raspy and so quiet that it was barely audible. “It’s – okay.”

He shook his head, tears streaming down his face now. How couldn’t you see that none of this was okay? You were supposed to live a long and happy life with him by your side, not die in a battle that hadn’t even been yours to fight! With a shaking hand, he cupped your cheek, carefully wiping away his tears that had dropped onto your face. Or perhaps those were your tears but in the end, it probably didn’t matter. If he had been here just a couple of minutes earlier, maybe he would have been able to protect you… 

But now, there was nothing he could do to stop all of this from happening. He could only stay by your side, cradling you in his arms and listening to your breathing that got quieter and quieter with every minute that passed. 

Then, everything went quiet. Xiao wrapped his arms around you tighter. “I never thought it would have to end like this,” he whispered, his voice hoarse from crying, and all he could feel was pain, pain, pain. “Wherever you are now… please forgive me. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

But you didn’t respond. You’d never respond to anything he said again; you’d never laugh at his miserable attempts at cheering you up whenever you felt sad. You’d never tell him that you loved him again. And it was all his fault. 

Thank you so much for reading! If you liked it please consider reblogging and/or leaving feedback. I'd really appreciate the support. <3

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[ohheyitsokay]

Omg I'm SO sorry!!! I'm the soulmates pain AU anon, I was completely aware you were the one with the milestone!! I saw the post through Molly's rb and I was almost completely sure I had opened your blog to send you the ask but alas, the Tumblr app can never give you any certainties. That long-ass message was completely dedicated to you, I still can't quite grasp how I managed to send it to scribbledghost 🙄🙄🙄 Sorry!!! Congrats again, I love you!!!!

for reference a Din Djarin x reader soulmate request where your soulmate feels your injuries and pain

hello, dear heart!

I wanted to say, before anything else, thank you. I've reread your words multiple times since you sent this, confirming they were to me, and they really mean the world to me. thank you so, so much! anyway, your idea is fantastic, I had a lot of fun with this one! I hope you like seeing what I did with your already wonderful thoughts 💕

ps it's well documented that I'm a big fan of sprawling thoughts, so please never apologize for sharing them!

warnings: mentions canon-typical injuries, a bunch of fluff. at least enough for a couple of throw pillows

>>

soulmate requests / follower celebration

<<

There's a short burn on his forearm when he wakes.

Din stares at it, wondering at the dull ache, trying to place the injury from yesterday's adventure when it hits him. Hot and golden warmth, flooding through his chest, thawing his flesh against the cold filtered air.

It's one of yours.

A burn, on his forearm.

And selfishly, indulgently, he pauses for a moment, mind slipping away from duty and expectations to dwell in the daydream of his soulmate.

First, his mind creates an image of a blurry mandalorian caretaker, gently moving around a kitchen in the covert. You stir a pot, tapping the spoon on the side before setting it down. Hearing distant calls, you turn too quickly and oh - a sliver of burn along your arm.

Din wants to help, wants to pull you away from the domestic .... danger, and he rushes forward. Your helmet turns to him and he almost sees it - before his mind can no longer produce the answers he aches for late at night.

The second image is of you, in armor as gleaming as his own, in a thick, unrecognizable forest. The hairs on his neck are at full attention, already subconsciously wanting to shout - but you don't need his help. You're breathtaking in all versions of his daydream - but watching you fight with practiced ease punches the air from his lungs. For a moment he feels self-conscious of his awkward maneuvers and slapdash fighting but then his mind pulls him back. You're protecting someone, or else you wouldn't have messed up - you never do, injuries from you are too rare - but you shove them behind you, shooting an enemy over your shoulder before your helmet snaps back. There are so many - you're surrounded - and a hot, sharp blaster bolt grazes your forearm before your fury is truly unleashed.

He runs his fingers over the burn, almost giddy at the possibilities.

Mandalorians are few and far between, but he's grateful he has a soulmate, and even more thankful you've kept yourself out of harm's way almost entirely, since you'd been connected.

As he dons his layers, the shine of his armor reflects bruises and scrapes littered across the expanse of his skin. His own, from his journey, and one beautiful little burn from his soulmate.

And then they're covered, and the armor is tied securely in place, and he leaves his daydreams in the room as the ship door slides unceremoniously shut.

-

You hiss at the burn, clutching your arm.

Great. Just what you needed - another injury to add to your impressive collection.

At least my soulmate gets a gift from me this time. You roll your eyes.

The vendor next to your stall is a sweet lady, already apologizing for her steaming pots and pans and offering you compensation.

The credits would be nice, but you could hardly justify taking anything, especially since it was your soulmate's fault your body was riddled with aches and pains in the first place.

Waving your hand, you accept her counter offer - a bowl of her perfect broth and noodles - before retreating. You sell cloth, from beautiful dyed lengths tucked away to sturdy, unstainable blacks, and it was days like today that you thanked your stars for that choice.

There's a thick pile in the middle that you perch on, sinking into the folds as your body cries at you, and you sigh over your soup in relief. The burden of waking to webbing bruises and sprawling scrapes and the more-than-occasional broken bone is eased by your stall - sitting and haggling until the sun goes down. That is, unless there's drama in the market, as it seems there is today.

In the distance you hear shouts, more than those of vendors selling meat on sticks to passing warriors and merchants - the taunts of drunkards.

Someone is coming, and you almost laugh when you see his form in the distance, because he's trying and failing to be inconspicuous. It's impossible, with his gleaming armor, but still he ducks into shadowy spots, forgetting - or maybe ignoring - their inhabitants.

"A Mandalorian has graced our market," your neighbor remarks dryly. They were respected, but it was well known that chaos followed them. You share a look, both wishing you were wealthy enough to conpletely pack up shop. If anything, a logical person would put away most of the stock and hunker down for a few hours. Weighing the odds was difficult: if you were lucky, the chaos wouldn't bother your business, and shoppers might be drawn out, hoping for entertainment and spending as they waited. If you weren't, a wayward burst of plasma or blaster fire would destroy your whole month's stock.

You looked at him again, the Mandalorian kneeling down the street. His form was... almost handsome, formidable but careful. He was light on his feet, seemingly with gentleness on his mind, and it drew you in like a moth to flame. You decided to stay, and hope for the best, your curiosity pulsing like your bruises.

And you were lucky, that day, because he ducked away not a moment later, taking the exciment with him.

Until, he came back the next day, this time on the prowl, stalking up and down the edge of Dicer's Row, one hand on his blaster and the other atop a bulky, wriggling bag. This time, you ventured to stand, folding and refolding your displays as you watched him through your lashes.

And then he made his move, and you sighed, feigning a yawn to cover your disappointment from your neighbor's knowing smile. She shouldn't be wiggling her eyebrows over the box wall between you - honestly his type were more annoying than anything. A crash from the alley confirmed it: there was no way a guy like that cared about his soulmate. The gentleness from before was surely a trick of the light.

Your whole side lit up with pain, the impact of something hard against your whole side and you groaned, settling into your mound again. Any curiosity or attraction was snuffed under your annoyance and pain, and your mood soured like fruit left unpicked on the tree.

Selfish, you thought, glaring as a chicken ran squawking from the commotion. What a jerk.

-

The next day, you tried to maintain the sentiment, huffing as he wandered the stalls.

Why does he keep coming back?

You'd have thought his time here was over when he'd dragged that lowlife out of town yesterday. But here he was, buying a crock of soup at the stall next to you, and ignoring her comments about how he couldn't eat it with his helmet on.

She had warmed to him, since he'd put money in her pocket, chattering in a way that kept him stuck for long moments.

It struck you as strange - he almost seemed too awkward to leave, like her returned generosity actually meant something to him. A man like him... surely could've just walked away.

But he stayed for awhile, nodding and looking at the spoons she carved in her free time, and you almost thought he was looking at you, too. Then he ducked his head and planted himself in front of you, and certainly he was.

For all the years you'd spent weaving words to sell your fabrics and goods, you'd never been so speechless. The Mandalorian was large, sharp, shining edges and bulky canvas packs tied to his shoulders - he seemed out of place, filling your whole stall, shuffling as he loomed over you.

He asked for soft brown things - children's clothes.

"Of course, I - I mean, yes, just over here -" you tripped over your words, caught completely off guard by the shape of him, the feel of him just an arms width away, and his request. You stumbled from your seat, nearly toppling in your hurry and his gloved hand wrapped around your arm, catching you.

"You're injured," he stated not really asking. It was... overwhelmingly intimate, him knowing, and acknowledging it, like he cared.

"Yeah, my..." you swallowed, trying not to get lost in the dark glass inches from your face. "My self-centered soulmate keeps getting himself nearly killed."

Even with your heart thumping in your chest, you couldn't keep the bite from your words, bitterness having collected over years of nursing injuries that were consequences of someone else's actions. He didn't let go of you for a moment, his helmet pulling back and tilting, like he was startled.

Then he was cautious, unbearably so, releasing his grip like a child freeing a captured creature when it was time. The topic was dropped, and he made his purchase quickly, but before he left, he paused. The Mandalorian's gloved hand ghosted over your cheek, slowly moving a hair back into it's place, and if you hadn't known better, it was almost an apology.

And then, thick cape swirling in the dust, tiny clothes in tow, he swept away, leaving you along with your whole body alight with a foreign longing.

-

Din felt as though he'd been stabbed.

Hot, hot feelings poured through his chest, spreading fast as fire as he desperately tried to sort through them.

You - you were incredible, fragile and bruised, with the most stunning, determined eyes he had ever seen. Not a Mandalorian, and you had a ... a soulmate, a fucker who left your skin littered with marks, burdening you with ...

He felt panicked, shocked, and guilty, just as he had when you'd told him. It had never occred to him that his soulmate might be there... out there, constantly burdened by his recklessness. His body screamed for attention, something he so often ignored, but this time, he was almost deafened by it.

His feet, legs, arms, chest, heart - all of them wanted him to return to you, in your little fabric stall. To... what? Truly, he hadn't the slightest idea, so his mind won out, shaking a little to try to reign in the muscles that he'd taught to obey him.

He couldn't go to you.

But, he couldn't stay away.

-

He was back in the market, and this time, he wasn't being subtle about staring at you.

Tall and ... slow, he waded through the crowds, making his was towards you like he was following a careful path.

"Can I help you?" You stood, moving almost involuntarily towards him. "Was there something wrong with my -" he was already shaking his head, hands reaching to make you shush.

Waiting, an irrational part of your mind wished he would touch you again, would place his big hands on your skin and sooth the aches that haunted your life. It was unfair, but you didn't stop it, couldn't if you tried.

Carefully, he slid a single finger to your arm, pushing up your sleeve to reveal the little burn you'd gotten.

He was being gentle. It made you want to stomp your feet, jealously welling up in your heart like bile, bitter and hot. How could it be, that someone so powerful had learned so quickly, wanted to, and he wasn't - he wasn't even your -

Then he moved again, pushing up his own sleeve and your thoughts tumbled over each other. It was intimate, even more than before, desperately trusting, as his skin near glowed in the morning light. And there was a burn on his skin, hairs singled like they'd met the edge of a pot of boiling broth.

You wanted to punch him. This man has spent years tossing his body around like he had one one spare, making your own as brittle as bread crust and - you wanted to kiss him. This man had learned after a single day, the impact of his actions, and had been nothing but kind.

The forehead of his helmet pressed into yours, and the two sides of your mind compromised.

Later, words would come - they had to.

But now, your eyes closed, and you sighed. He had the rest of your life to make it up to you - and he would, you were sure.

<<

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[helloalycia]

The Wrong Lifetime – Five // Wanda Maximoff

chapter four | story masterlist | main masterlist | wattpad | chapter six

author’s note: dying of cramps but didn’t wanna leave y’all hanging, so enjoy! x

Taking Wanda to Blackpool was something I couldn't stop thinking about for the past three days.

I kept telling myself that I had to remain calm, not make her feel uncomfortable with my obvious attraction to her, and to give her the best day out considering she'd never been before. It wasn't anything more than a girl spending time with her soon-to-be sister-in-law, and I had to keep reminding myself that whenever I'd feel a stir of desire in my chest at the thought her pretty smile or intoxicating gaze.

My family were thrilled when they heard of my plans with Wanda. My parents were glad I was actually making an effort to get on with her, whilst my brother was excited I was becoming 'best friends', as he put it, with his fiancé. That one stung a little, the guilt pricking my insides, but I convinced myself that that was exactly what I was doing. It wasn't wrong if I didn't think of Wanda in any way but what she was. Right?

The weekend came around quickly enough, and on Saturday morning, I met with Wanda at the train station where she waiting for me with an enthusiastic smile.

"I brought my watercolours and sketchbook so I can paint what's there," she explained as we boarded the train. "I also bought a lot of pencils in case some snap. I'm gonna draw everything I see so I don't forget a single thing."

We slid into our seats and I smiled with admiration as she continued to ramble about all of the things she wanted to do today. She looked so lively when she spoke, her hands moving about frantically to express her excitement, and her lips permanently etched into a smile when she wittered on. I didn't mean to stare, but God, she looked beautiful.

"Thank you again for doing this," she finished, head turning to mine.

Now, I'd read and written many clichés of someone falling for someone else, particularly the moment they knew they were too far gone. It was hard to believe if they were true depictions of liking someone, but I liked reading and writing them.

It was now that I learnt that they were no exaggeration, for when she looked my way with a beaming smile and glowing green eyes, I knew it was too late. There was no going back for my attraction to Wanda.

"No need to thank me," I spoke slowly, surprised I could speak at all since she'd knocked the breath from my lungs. "I'm glad you're excited."

The journey was a few hours long and we made conversation the whole way. It was the longest I'd spent alone with her since meeting her and I was intrigued by everything she had to say, hanging onto every word with all of my attention. If that wasn't enough, her accent only made everything she said sound so much better. She was naturally soft-spoken, but syllables rolled off her tongue in a silky, raspy way with her accent entwined in her words. I loved it.

At one point, the topic of our families came up and I felt like my brother came up in almost every conversation I'd had with anyone who discussed family, so I took this as my opportunity to get to know hers instead.

"What's it like to have a twin?" I asked, leaning on my elbow as I watched her attentively.

She mirrored my action playfully, though answered my question. "It's just like having a normal sibling, except they're way more annoying."

I smiled, imaging just how annoying Pietro could be as a sibling.

"I love Pietro, but he's very frustrating at times," she spoke with a hint of endearment. "He constantly throws it in my face that's he's older than me by twelve minutes. As if that makes a difference."

A chuckle flew from my lips as she pouted at her own words.

"But he's also my best friend," she said with a sigh, like that fact was irritating in itself. "He knows me better than anyone and he's the easiest person for me to talk to. I don't have to hide anything from him." She paused, glancing upwards in thought. "Well, almost anything."

Pursing my lips, I wondered what she meant as she mumbled the last part, but didn't question it. Everyone was entitled to their secrets.

"So, you and your family moved to England when you were kids, right?" I tried to recall what my parents had told me of them. "From Sokovia."

"Yes, we were about..." She scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember. "Eight years old, I think?"

"Wow, that's young," I realised.

She hummed in agreement, smile fading as her eyes fell to her hands. "Yeah... I don't remember much, but there was a lot of unrest at the time. A war. It was dangerous for everyone and my parents were lucky to get us out when they did."

I frowned, knowing some of this already, but it was sadder to hear when it was coming from Wanda herself.

"Our extended family didn't make it out," she continued to explain, voice quieter. "I didn't know them much, my parents' siblings, so it's not that sad for me. Pietro, too. But it's strange to think, you know? Especially when all of your family are around with this wedding and–" She sighed, shaking her head and looking to me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring the mood down."

I straightened up, reassuring her instantly. "Wanda, you don't need to apologise. It's okay. I... I didn't know any of that. I'm glad you told me."

She nodded, though the regret was still present in her gaze.

"I'm sorry all of that happened," I expressed honestly, not looking away. "But I'm glad you're here, if it makes a difference. You– your family are good people."

A small, appreciative smile graced her lips. "Thank you."

I shrugged, trying to brush it off so she wouldn't notice the heat rising up my neck. "It's nothing... so Sokovia. You speak Russian and English. That's pretty bloody cool."

She laughed wholeheartedly and any hint of sadness disappeared from her face, reassuring me completely. I didn't like to see her sad, especially when there was nothing I could do to make her feel better that I knew of.

"I promise to teach you some Russian today," she said with amusement. "A few words, just to diversify your vocabulary."

"Gee, thanks."

Another laugh escaped her and I chewed on my lip to contain my grin. I could get used to that sound.

—

When we reached Blackpool, Wanda was radiating with excitement. We couldn't make it two steps anywhere before she whipped out her sketchbook and began to sketch. She wasn't kidding when she said she was going to capture everything she saw.

I was patient, since the reason we came was for her, and watched as she worked. It was cute, seeing her concentrate and trying to stop dancing around with excitement every time I showed her something new.

We walked along the promenade and dipped in and out of the shops, looking at the gifts and clothes they sold. We bought a few things to commemorate the trip, but then Wanda was quick to drag me back outside so she could sketch the view of the beach from where we were stood. The grin on her face was convincing enough for me to let her drag me wherever she wanted. She looked so happy and I didn't care about anything else.

Eventually, around lunchtime, we headed to a café to have a break from all the excitement. Or rather, a break from running around. For Wanda, it was a better opportunity to sit still and sketch some more.

"So, you're drinking what, Y/N?" she asked, not looking up from her sketches as she worked.

I looked at my tea and lowered the cup. "Er, tea?"

"In Russian," she instructed.

"Oh." I cleared my throat, remembering what she taught me earlier. "Chay."

"And what's in the chay?" she asked, lifting her eyes to meet mine patiently. "The milk?"

"Moloko," I remembered, and the proud smile on her face reassured me I was correct. My shoulders relaxed as I returned her smile. "Thanks."

"You're a natural," she assured me, before looking back to her sketchbook. "I only taught you the words. You remembered it yourself. And before you know it, ty budesh' govorit' polnymi predlozheniyami na russkom."

My mouth opened with confusion, not knowing what she said. She seemed to realise as she chuckled at my expression.

"Never mind, milaya (darling)," she said with humoured eyes, before resuming her sketching.

I breathed out, taking another sip of my tea before grabbing a fork to dig into my pasta. As I chewed, I watched Wanda move her pencil effortlessly, creating lines that somehow resulted in a perfect drawing of the horizon.

"Do you only draw and paint landscapes?" I asked curiously.

"I can do portraits, too," she answered with a nod, glancing at me. "But they're never as good."

I gave her a knowing look. "I doubt that."

She merely smiled in response, eyes meeting mine for a moment, before shaking her head with amusement and looking back to her sketches. I chuckled, leaving her to it as I enjoyed my lunch and read the newspaper.

It was nice to just sit and enjoy each other's company as we did our own thing. I'd occasionally glance up to see Wanda focused on her drawing and smile, allowing myself to appreciate the sight, before looking back down to the paper and enjoying my pasta.

By the time I finished my food, as had Wanda, she straightened up and tore a page from her sketchbook. The noise pulled me from my reading and I looked up to see her holding the paper towards me.

I quirked a brow, but she simply shook the paper, signalling for me to take it. With confusion, I took it and became speechless when I saw what she'd drawn. It was me reading the paper, the exact view she must have had from being sat opposite me. It looked exactly like me, probably better since I knew I didn't look that good, and I was amazed at her talent all over again.

"You did this just now?" I asked with disbelief, looking up at her.

She shrugged and distracted herself with her pencil. "Yeah, it's not much. It's not my specialty."

I scoffed. "You're kidding. Wanda, this is amazing!"

Bashful smile on her lips, she glanced up at me. "Maybe it's the best portrait I've done. But I think that's down to my subject."

Even when she was embarrassed, she was still capable of turning the tables on me, leaving me a flustered mess. It was like her superpower. A very annoyingly cute superpower.

"That's what you look like y'know," she continued, nodding to the paper in my hand. "When you're focused on reading. You chew your lip with thought. And you get this little crease–" she pointed between her brows with a laugh, "–right here, and you seem to forget that anything else exists."

A sweet smile spread on her face as she tilted her head, watching me with intimidating eyes, very much aware of the effect her words had on me.

"You're very observant," I said, trying not to stutter, her gaze making me nervous. "Perfect skill for an artist."

She hummed in agreement, though didn't look away. "Mere artistic observation, right?"

My heart was hammering in her chest the longer she stared, especially when her words dawned on me. I'd said the exact same thing after she confronted me about picking her ring. I wondered if she could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

Just like the first time I saw her, I was at a loss for words and couldn't look away. She was compelling, beautiful and remarkable all at once.

—

"Nebo," I said, hoping it was the correct word for 'sky' in Russian, as Wanda had taught me.

She grinned. "Yes! And horizon?"

I pulled a face as I thought carefully. "Er...gorizont?"

"The student is soon to become the master," she said, and I rolled my eyes, knowing that was anything but the truth. I appreciated her encouragement though.

"Okay, before we head to the beach, we have to buy some rock," I told her, leading her to the stall on the promenade. "I got it last time and it's so good."

She furrowed her brows. "What's that?"

I smiled at her expression. "It's a sweet. Kind of like boiled sugar that's formed into a stick of, well, rock."

She didn't seem convinced. "If you say it's good, I trust you, I guess..."

I laughed, grabbing her hand and tugging her to the stall. "You'll love it."

After getting two sticks of rock for Wanda and I, we began to walk to the sand. I glanced at the brunette, wanting to see her reaction. She eyed the hard candy before attempting to bite it, a small piece breaking off at the top. Crunching on it, she scrunched her nose up.

"It's hard," she noted, swallowing the piece. "Tasty, though."

"It's better if you suck on it, love," I let her know with a hidden smile. "Tastes much better."

She did as I said, beginning to suck on the top, and seemed to enjoy it more. Giving me a thumbs up as she sucked it, I couldn't help but laugh again. She looked adorable, so I left her to it and did the same as we walked along the sand and towards the benches in the distance.

Like a child experiencing something for the first time, she began to point excitedly at Blackpool Tower and the ferris wheel in the distance and I just kept nodding along, letting her get excited because it made my heart skip a beat every time she flashed me a smile.

When we reached the benches, I was glad that today wasn't a busy day. It wasn't exactly tourist season, so the beach was scarce of anyone but residents of the town. And even then, our side of the beach was pretty empty, giving us first dibs on a bench that wasn't broken or uncomfortable.

Settling on it, Wanda pulled her legs up and sat cross-legged so she could lean on them and pull out her watercolours. I sat beside her and leaned back, inhaling the salty air and exhaling peacefully. I never had much reason to visit here apart from when my parents took my brother and I on the occasional trip, but it was nice to appreciate the sound of the ocean washing over the sand and the seagulls squawking in the sky. A big difference compared to back home.

Another silence formed between us as she painted the water ahead, and I couldn't help but glance her way, watching her pucker her lips with concentration. All she'd wanted was this and I was glad I could finally give it to her.

So she wouldn't notice, I looked away and stared out at the blue expanse of ocean before me. I should have been appreciating its beauty, but all I could think about was how it was no contest to the girl sat beside me.

"I'm really glad you brought me here today," she said out of the blue after a while, "but I wouldn't have said yes if I'd known you would be bored."

I looked to her and saw she was still preoccupied by her painting. "I'm not bored. We came here so you could see the water and find some new subjects to paint. And that's exactly what we're doing."

She sighed, looking up at me with a questioning glance.

Smiling reassuringly, I said, "I like the quiet. And I like watching you work. You look happy. It's good to see."

She tensed her jaw, stifling a smile, but her eyes said it all. She was grateful. Of course, her eyes were also very easy to get lost in, even if she didn't mean for me to. And right now, under the sun, I found myself drowning in pools of blue.

"What are you thinking?" she asked quietly, a hint of a smile on her face.

Stupidly, I felt compelled to tell her the truth. "I'm thinking about how you have really pretty eyes."

Attempting to make me flustered yet again, her favourite hobby by now I was guessing, she raised a brow teasingly. "Oh, really?"

It didn't bother me this time though, as I maintained eye contact and felt my heart swelling with adoration. "Yes. It's like you hold all the elements in a single gaze."

Her smile faded and that's when I realised what I'd said, my heart dropping to my stomach in an instant. Swallowing hard, I looked away and shook my head. An apology was waiting on the tip of my tongue when she spoke with realisation.

"It was you."

I glanced her way nervously. "What was?"

She was staring like her mind was working something out and I was the missing piece. "The letter that Y/B/N gave me last week. He wrote the exact same thing. What you just said."

My brows knitted together with confusion, then it hit me. The love letter Y/B/N wrote. The one he assured me was for his own eyes. He'd given it to her. And I'd just gone and said the exact thing he'd written on it, no doubt passing it off as is his own words.

"Th–that wasn't me," I got out, shaking my head slowly. "I didn't even know he gave you a letter, Wanda."

She continued to watch me, eyes squinting with scepticism. I swallowed hard under her gaze, trying to think of how I could come back from this. But apparently I didn't have to, because she suddenly leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.

My mind was foggy when her fingers rested behind my neck, tugging me closer. I closed my eyes, melting at her touch, and began to kiss her back, moving my lips against hers. She was slow and gentle with me, her lips as soft as they looked and sending the butterflies in my stomach into a frenzy. I could have kissed her forever and been content, but my brain finally caught up to my actions and I reluctantly pulled away, stunned.

Glancing around to make sure nobody saw us – there was literally nobody here – I caught my breath and looked back to Wanda. Her eyes were drawn to my lips before they flickered to meet mine, darkened with desire.

"Why did you do that?" was all I could think to ask, and I was acutely aware of her fingers still grasping my neck, the skin burning where her tips grazed.

She licked her swollen lips, expression softening. "I think I've been falling for the wrong Y/L/N."

My lips pressed together, missing the feeling of hers against them. Never in a million years did I expect her to say something like that. I thought she'd been teasing me this whole time, but now, maybe there was truth to her actions.

"Did you really mean what you said?" she asked apprehensively.

"What?"

She swallowed. "What you said about my eyes. Did you mean it?"

Well, she'd kissed me, so there was no going back now.

I nodded, noticing the hesitance in her eyes. "Yes... you're beautiful, Wanda."

She didn't say anything and the silence was deafening. I almost wanted to run back home and pretend this never happened, but that was the cowardly side of me. The other side, the disbelieving side, wanted to stay here with her and keep living in this little bubble we'd created.

"Can I kiss you again?" she finally spoke, eyes flickering between mine for confirmation.

Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded slowly, and she didn't waste another second as she leaned in once again. This time, I wasn't so surprised, so I kissed her back quickly, trying not to think about how wrong this was. How I'd been taught that this was wrong. Because I refused to believe this was wrong, that it was a sin, when it felt so damn right.

Wanda felt right.

—

When I got home later that afternoon, I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

Wanda was all that was on my mind. Everything about her was floating around up there – the contagiousness of her smile, the brightness of her eyes, the taste of her lips. When I left this morning, I wasn't expecting to return with– well, I wasn't sure what we were, but we'd decided to give whatever this was a go.

Of course, she was still engaged to my brother, but I tried not to think about that. She made me happy and maybe in a different lifetime we could have been together, but this was the wrong lifetime which meant I'd have to make some wrong decisions, this possibly being one of them.

The guilt was still present, but the adoration I had for Wanda overpowered it. The fact that she actually liked me back was too thrilling for me to even concern myself with the lack of future this relationship would have. I just wanted to enjoy what we had whilst we had it, even if it meant being together in secret.

"So, how did your trip go?" my mum asked me when I returned, looking up from her knitting.

I stifled my grin the best I could. "It was fun. Wanda loved the seaside."

My mother seemed pleased as she smiled my way. "Y/N, that's great. You know, I'm really proud of you for making an effort with her. It means a lot to everyone."

"Mhm."

"She's going to be your sister-in-law after all," she continued knowingly, "so it's good you're spending time with her. Maybe you could do it more."

I hummed in agreement, my heart fluttering at the possibility of spending more time with Wanda. "Yeah, that could be good."

"Go on upstairs, you must be tired from the travelling," she said after a moment, noticing my distant headspace. "I'm glad you had fun today."

Wanda's smile appeared in my mind again, her lips ghosting my own. I sighed contently.

"Me, too."