#i'm hoping nothing Too Big happens with that because i still wanna bank a lot of money before going back to school

[shiningstages]

Me lookin' at my lil content: d'aaaaaaaw it's so cute~

I wanted to do stuff before work, but I like blanked out since I'm sleepy (went to bed around 1? 2?? then woke up at 7:11; not terrible but not like Great) then did my required stretchies / looked up stuff for things~ Tomorrow I have my last PT session and follow-up, and then I plan on cleaning my room / generally just chilling out since it has been Forever, but now...I will try and schedule in time for OC thoughts today and tomorrow (still have to decide if Atlas would be primal or astral...and maybe compare some story stuff to make sure it's not stepping on any Canon toes...but maybe we also don't care about that second bit ghffjghfgvcccgkhf).

[katsukikitten]

Time spent with Todoroki.

Warnings: This is a Pro Hero aged up AU, think late twenties. Adult themes such as sex are to follow. Please enjoy

Shoto was by far your favorite sugar daddy. He showered you in lavish gifts and gave you the pipe often. He checked your bank account and made sure it never fell below a certain amount and paraded you around town like the Princess you were. But most importantly he was stoic. Doing nothing more than wiping you up with a warm rag once the two of you were finished, never clinging to you with desperate hands like many other sugar daddies had. Hoping their money would make you giddy and buy your love. Maybe it would have, had you not already run out of love for people. Your heart broken one too many times by a long term relationship causing you to vow that money was your only love. 

People were just too disappointing. 

Your contracts with Shoto were medium in length, anywhere between three to five months mostly because he likes to keep his "options open." Which filled you with pure lust for him, knowing you could get away with your kinks without worrying over some man falling for you. 

Still, it was difficult for the Pro hero not to fall for you, at first he had no interest in love. Having sworn it off mostly for fear of failure thanks to his dysfunctional family. It was the main reason he started looking into sugar baby websites, he saw your profile picture and your bolded No strings attached. He liked the idea of that, loved it really and yet, he became tangled in you after the renewal of your second contract. He tried to suppress the warm feeling in his chest, he found it difficult more times than not. 

Especially now, with you on your knees with his guicci jacket spread out on the tile of the bathroom floor as your lipstick clad lips wrap around his cock. Your cheeks hollowed and your eyes looking up at him with enchanting lust. He fists your hair shoving you further on his cock. Your eyes water as you gag softly and Todoroki is just thankful your makeup is waterproof. 

The sight and the sounds make him groan while your manicured nails dig into his bare thigh. You rub your thighs for friction, moaning around his cock, it's enough to send Shoto over the edge. Hot ropes of cum hit the back of your throat as his grip on your styled hair tightens. 

"Fuck Princess…." He moans bucking into your mouth, sharp eyes look down at you. Seeing a powerful man come undone for you is enough to keep you content for now. 

"Sir will take care of you after the gala okay?" His cheeks are still a little red as he runs his hand over your hair. Lifting you off the floor before fixing himself. He gives you a light spin, making sure nothing scuffed your gorgeous designer dress before he exits the stall. Pushing back his long hair while you retouch your lipstick with a knowing smirk. 

The two of you waltz back to the party, sans his jacket, abandoning the designer garment without a second thought. The price of it was barely a drop in his bucket. It could have been half of his bucket for all he cared, his mind always swimming with thoughts of you.  He places his hand on the small of your back as he guides you back to the table, dinner half forgotten once your hand wandered towards his crotch for a tease. 

"F...find the bar okay?' Izuku asks as you take your seat, your sly hand going for your wine. Uraraka blushes when you give her a wink. 

"Just fine." Shoto says sipping his whisky. 

"So who's won awards so far?" You ask with gleaming eyes, Izuku smiles. 

"Kaachan for most villains caught. Kirishima for the safest feeling hero, myself for rescue ratio." He holds up his small little trophy, "And you, Shouto, for most mysterious." 

"What about the rankings? Did we miss that?" 

"No they are about to announce it!" Uraraka exclaims, eyes glittering with excitement and wine. Her chestnut eyes slide over to her emerald eye date, hoping for the best for him. 

The announcer steps to the stage, his sapphire blue suit catching everyone's eye as he takes the center. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, it has been a night filled with congratulations and cheer but now is the moment you've been waiting for, tonight we will reveal the top three heroes. Voted in by a strenuous board appointed by the fans, we finally present the BIG THREE!" 

Some tables erupt in cheers while the host takes his dramatic pause, when the sound dies down the host brandishes the golden envelope. 

As he announces your hand wanders again, playing with your favorite toy, Shouto's face gives way nothing as the host drags out the awards. Explaining how long the winner's speeches should be. Soon Shouto cannot ignore your hands creeping on his clothed cock that throbs beneath your fingers. He knows he can't wait through what's bound to be a half an hour. He rises excusing himself dragging you with him before you're being cornered against a wall in some random closet. 

"So impatient, princess." He bites out, kissing your throat, sliding down to your exposed collar bone while his hand ventures between your thighs. Calloused pads circling your puffy clit as you let out a loud moan that's swallowed by the cheering of the gala room. Impatient himself he undoes his pants, stroking himself with his free hand while you cum on his fingers. 

After the coil in your stomach snaps for a third time he's satisfied, kissing you as he aligns the tip of his dick to your quivering entrance.

"Fuck, Shouto. Fuck me please, sir!" You beg, making his head spin, alcohol mingling in the small dark space. 

"Be patient kitten. Sir will fuck you right baby." He grunts, sheathing himself into your soaking core.  You cry out, clawing at his back through his shirt. The smell of biting cold hair mingling with the hearty smoke of a bonfire engulfs you as you press your face into his chest. He lifts both of your legs, strong hands grabbing onto thick thighs as he fucks into you with a deadly pace. Slapping skin and lewd wet sounds echo back to the two of you, encouraging his pistoning hips. 

"Listen to those sounds Princess, your pussy sounds so pretty." He bites at your ear as you endlessly moan and whimper into his chest. Cunt clenching as he drives over your spongy spot, the head of his cock going deeper with each thrust. Soon it all becomes too much, your vision spots panting as you cry out in ecstasy, body ridged and arching to meet him. 

"Cumming on my cock already?" He coos, fucking you through your next orgasim as your legs shake around him. Toes pointed in your red bottoms as you attempt to hold onto him for dear life. 

"S..sir! You cry out, "I'm gonna...nnngghhh." 

He ruts into you, pressing you further into the wall as he frees up one hand to play with your throbbing clit. Rubbing harsh circles as he loses focus on his precise thrusts that turn sloppy. His eyes too focused on you as you cum, milking his cock. Your eyes flutter, desperately attempting to hold eye contact as one hand palms your breast and the other scratches at the skin at the nape of his neck. Your tongue lulls out just a bit as your mouth makes a sinful O shape, a few tears of over stimulation fall down your cheeks as he continues to fuck into your wet cunt. The sight makes him explode into you, warm spurts of cum causing you to whimper and clench in delight as he ruts until he is done.  He sets his sweaty forehead against yours, panting as words claw up his throat. 

"I love..." He whispers, catching himself just in time, "Your tight cunt." 

He kisses you, hoping you don't think anything more of it. 

After a few minutes, and Shouto's cock softens, he withdraws. Wiping you up with a wipe from your purse as the two of you check the other for fluids. A drunken cat smile plastered on your lips as you reapply your lipstick, wiping away the stains on his dark grey shirt and collar. 

The two of you step into the hall just in time as the doors start to open. Quickly and calmly you grab for your pack of cigarettes, your normal alabi, placing the stick in your mouth. Shouto, much like a gentleman, lights it as you inhale to keep the tip a burning ember. Gently blowing the smoke over his clothes, careful to avoid his face as you waft the burning stick around yourself as if it were an incense. Knowing good and well the smell of smoke always hides the salty smell of sex. Quickly you extinguish it on an ice cube that Todoroki provides, you toss the cube in the closet and the half of a smoke into your burkin slamming it shut just as a small group of sidekicks approach. 

"Shouto! Wow! I can't believe it was a three way tie this year! Congrats to you, Deku and Dynamight!" They drunkenly cheer, "It's crazy how that happened." 

"You're so secretive, your manager accepted the award on your behalf even though you were here tonight!"

A stream of people dot on your date as you cling to his muscular arm while you harbor a secret of your own. Cum dribbles between your thighs as you think of his sweaty head against yours. It feels good to be a Pro hero sugar baby. 

"You staying the night again?" Shouto asks as he presses a cold water bottle to your palm, your body covered in a sheen of post sex sweat from a week's worth of fun. You give him a small smile as you sit up, tits bouncing as you readjust entirely. You can feel his icy hot gaze as it rakes over your body, feeling the goose flesh prick along your skin as it does with the threat of an oncoming summer storm. 

"I wanna discuss the renewal of our contract. Plus we have a final date per the expiring one." He says as he rises, heading towards the luxurious ensuite to start a shower for you both. 

"Hmmm guess I could. How much longer do we have left?" You never really paid attention to this things, always being satisfied with whatever Shouto gave you. 

"Two weeks." He returns back from the bathroom, grabbing his wallet from his bedside table. Pulling out his onyx black card, he places it in your hand. His eyes holding yours, you give a devilish grin. 

"Sir has a lot of paperwork for the agency to do today. Buy a dress I want to fuck you in and anything else you want to match okay baby girl?" He leans down to give your forehead a kiss while you giggle. Unable to hide the giddy that bubbles beneath your skin, you wrap your arms around him. 

"Thank you sir!" You exclaim, pepper his cheeks with kisses as you pull back, "Do I get to pick the date again?"

"Mmhmm." He encourages, running his hand up your bare bare as you squeal with delight.  You rush to the bathroom before he slowly follows behind. While under the hot stream the two of you make out for far too long, tongues fighting as the two of you exchange laughs before you add a playful statement that stays with the two toned hair man as he sits in his boring home office. 

"I'm going to get a dress so classy and sinful you'll fuck me on the spot!" 

His eyes wander to the photo on his desk, the one of your first date. The one you insisted the two of you take after a month of late booty calls since he paid for the "girlfriend" package. The two of you are bundled in warm coats, you cling to his firey side as you laugh and he just barely smirks. 

Looking back he thinks this is when he started to fall for you. You had never been ice skating before and insisted on going while the two of you were in NYC for important PR interviews for the cold and mysterious hero. Because that's what people did in the movies while in NYC, put on their skates at the Rockefeller rink to glide along the ice beneath the sparkling lights of the giant Christmas tree. It was busy, he opted for no skates, as he did better without but he helped you lace yours. Being ginger for the first time in his life as he helped you onto the ice, after demanding a moment of independence you had fallen straight onto your ass. Giving Shouto second hand embarrassment but instead of yelling, crying out or giving up, you laughed. Genuinely laughed as you reached for his steady hand, captivating the whole rink for a moment. It felt like magic had washed over the ice, as snow slowly danced into your hair and the colorful lights danced across your eyes. Just like that the spell was broken with a flash of light. A stranger approached to give you a small tip on how to skate and the polaroid he had taken. You thanked them with a smile placing the photo into your coat pocket leaning into Shoto to share a secret. 

"Now we have our first 'date' immortalized!"  You had giggled, gliding across the ice as if you were ethereal, hands outstretched for Shoto to join you. 

He wonders how you're doing at the shops. He occasionally gets a text or two from you. Sexy pictures of you in the changing room as you obviously buy lingerie as well. 

He fists his cock enough times he gets no work done and by the time he convinces himself enough is enough you come home. 

Wearing that damned devilish smirk. 

And so another week passes in the four walls of his bedroom. Your bank account as stuffed as your pussy as you bounce on his heating and cooling cock. 

"Fuck, baby fuck." Is all Todoroki can say as you chase your own high. His blunt nails clawing at your thighs as your tits bounce. Your mouth opens into that gorgeous O as you seek out that delicious friction on your clit. The coil in your stomach snaps as your humping becomes erratic and sloppy but still enough for your tight cunt to spasm wonderfully over Todoroki. So nice is the sight, sound and smell of you that Todoroki pumps his hips up into you twice before he paints your velvety walls, his eyes focused on you. 

"Fuck." He presses his sweaty head into the silk of his pillow case. Two toned hair clinging to his forehead. You lean over and kiss his cheek. 

"Thanks for the ride Pro hero." You wink before you dismount. Stretching towards the sky once your feet hit the warmed hardwoods, you begin to make your way towards the bathroom. Phone in hand. 

"I wanted to talk about extending your contract." Todoroki says, staring after you, "At dinner tonight." 

"It expired tonight right?" You say, looking over your shoulder while your phone lights up with an alert, "No need for dinner." 

"What do you mean?" He calls to you as you start the shower. 

"I mean, I think we should let the contract expire. Keep things fresh you know? Keep our options open?" 

He jumps to his feet and begs the urgency to die in his step. Calmly with somber steps making his way to the ensuite. He finds you already in the shower, water washes away the smell of sweat. The smell of him as your phone glares up at him. He taps the screen and your recent notifications wave at him as he stares down. 

Reading one of them in horror. 

Todoroki isn't sure why he feels this way as he looks at your phone on his vanity. As if the world fell from beneath his feet. His throat burns as he stares at the illuminated glass, spiraling as steam clouds his vision that begins to blur. He knew what he signed up for, he wanted this. 

This detached, heart hidden exchange in hopes of choking down the loneliness 

But he never expected that when this ended it would feel as if his heart had been ripped out, stepped on and crushed beneath the heel of one of your red bottomed shoes. 

"Come on aren't you joining me for our last shower iced cutie?" 

"Uh yes I'm coming." He steps into the shower as the push alert on your phone burns into his brain. 

"Kirishima Eijirou has put in an offer." 

[freakynct]

「 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐 」

— 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 —

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: sugar daddy!jaehyun, daddy kink, slight violence, mentions of blood, oral [male receiving], hair pulling, deep throating, dirty talk, praising, crying, some angst and fluff

after the last encounter with jaehyun you tried to distance yourself from him as much as possible. you couldn't allow yourself to fall in love with him and you were pretty sure that that was really close to happen. every time you would stare into his eyes or stand close to him your body would react in a way that it never did with anyone else and since you knew he didn't feel the same way you wanted to spare yourself a broken heart.

it wasn't easy finding a new sugar daddy, because even if you still wouldn't want to admit it, you still needed the money to get you through college and pay rent and since you had been ignoring jaehyun's calls, your bank account wasn't particularly happy. going on dates with other men was the worse of everything though. boring old man that couldn't keep their hands to themselves or keep an interesting conversation going. you had lost count of how many times you had fake laughed during the past week. but you had to settle for someone, so you decided to go for the overly sweet forty seven year old man called richard. and he wasn't all that bad, he would always buy and pay for anything you wanted and he did treat you really well, even during sex, sometimes even too much, and you were pretty sure he was addicted to eating you out. but you never felt the same way with him as you did with jaehyun. the fire and intensity that you both had could never be replaced and that's what had been bothering you, not being able to stop thinking about him. and just like any sane man he had stopped trying to call or text you but you still felt hurt by it, even if you were doing the exact same thing to him. and as if he could read your mind, your phone buzzed over the glass table, and you read the name "jaehyun" on the screen. for some reason, this time was different and your hand actually reached to pick up the phone, staring at it. you sighed and gave up, swiping right to answer it, slowly placing the phone next to your ear, no words being able to come out of your mouth, only hearing light breathing on the other side of the line.

"y/n?" his voice startled you but at the same time a huge weight was lifted from your heart, finally hearing his voice after so long. "are you there?"

"yes." was all that your body allowed you to say, waiting nervously to hear his sweet voice once again.

"princess." your heart sank at the pet name, your eyes fluttering close for a brief moment while that word played over and over inside your head. "why haven't you returned my calls?" you could hear the sad tone in his voice, or maybe it was disappointment, you couldn't tell. but you couldn't think of anything to tell him, too embarrassed with the whole situation and you immediately regretted answering the phone in the first place. "i've missed you." you let him pause between his sentence. "don't you miss me?" you could swear you felt tears forming in your eyes, threatening to fall down but you ordered them not to, swallowing dry before gathering courage to finally answer him.

"i do. i miss you." you almost whispered to him, your nails digging into the skin of your legs out of nervousness.

"come meet me tonight. i need to see you." your mind was telling you no, you couldn't allow yourself to fall back into his arms just to get hurt in the end but your heart was telling you otherwise and as usual, it spoke louder than your brain.

"okay. same hotel?" you got up, pacing around the room, too anxious to stay seated.

"no. i'll send you the address to my house." and before you could choke up on his words, he hung up, leaving you speechless, still holding the phone against your ear. he had never wanted you to meet up with him at his house, in fact, he had told you that he never let anyone go there, he always met his sugar babies at a hotel, his house was for his own eyes only. but here you were, getting ready to go there for the first time ever, nervous out of your mind, your blood burning inside your veins.

‏‏‎ ‎

the uber suddenly stops and you look out of the window, a big house with what you assumed was a very expensive car in front of it. you thanked the man that drove you there so late at night and exited the vehicle, stepping slowly closer to the entrance, your uber disappearing into the darkness, leaving you alone with your thoughts, standing like a crazy person in front of his door, way too afraid to knock. but as you were contemplating turning around and leaving, the big door opens, jaehyun's much bigger body standing right in front of you and it felt like you were seeing a mirage. he wasn't wearing his typical black suit, only a white dress shirt and black pants covering his skin.

"you always do this. standing in front of doors without knocking." his voice finally breaks the silence, a small smile adorning his lips.

"you always seem to know when i'm behind them too." you answered back, your eyes timidly meeting his brown ones and your words seemed to make him chuckle.

"i have security cameras, you know? i saw you arrive here." you crossed your arms in front of your chest, both from feeling cold and from being annoyed that he always seemed to have an answer for everything.

"you were creeping then." you were suddenly pulled by your arm, your body now standing dangerously close to his and he lowered his head so he could be face to face with you, and you noticed the smirk on his lips.

"why do you always have to talk back? hm?" you didn't realize, while you were once more lost in his deep eyes, that he had pulled you inside the house, closing the door behind you and gently pushing your back against it. "i've missed you so much, princess. why did you run away?" his voice sounded soft in your ears, his thumb caressing your cheek as he leaned closer to seal his lips with yours, but you turned your face away, causing him to step back, confusion evident in his face. "what's wrong?"

you quickly walked pass him, running your hands through your hair. you took a minute to look around his house that didn't seem much different from the hotel room you used to meet at. very spacious and luxurious, various expensive paintings adorning the walls and the lights were dimmed, making the shadows in the room a lot more prominent.

"we can't keep doing this, i'm sorry. that's why i wasn't returning your calls." you turned around to face him, looking for any sign of anger in his face but all you found was his soft eyes looking back at you, not wanting to believe the words that came out of your mouth.

"w-what? why? did i do something wrong?" he took one step closer to you but you also took one backwards, too afraid of what you might do if he stood too close to you again.

"no, you didn't. i just… i already found someone else. another, hm, sugar daddy." you wouldn't lie, it was hard for you to let those words come out but you were letting your brain talk instead of your heart this time. you watched as jaehyun's jaw clenched and his whole posture changed. he straightened his body up, the soft and gentle eyes that he had before turning into a dark shade and becoming more hooded as he stepped closer to you slowly but this time your feet were glued to the floor and you couldn't seem to move away from him.

"you were with other men?" his voice seemed to have changed too, getting a lot deeper and raspier and you realized how close his body was standing to yours. all you could do was swallow in dry, his thumb rubbing against your cheek and you had to hold yourself back not to lean against his touch. "why are you doing this? don't i treat you well?" your heart ached at his words, you wanted nothing more than to admit your feelings to him but you knew for a fact that his sweet words didn't equal him having those same feelings for you and you didn't wanna make things worse for you.

"yes, but… richard treats me well too." you could feel your voice growing weaker by the minute and your eyes widened at jaehyun's chuckle, his head thrown back as he sucked in his breath before staring back at you again.

"richard… oh baby." he cooed at you, his hand making its way to your hair, intertwining his fingers with your locks, causing you to gasp slightly. "you really think that richard could make you feel as good as me? hm? you think he could ever give you what i can?" his lips were so close to yours and you thought you had stopped breathing for a second. "did you have sex with him?" the question caught you off guard and you saw in his eyes how much he was hoping for you to deny it but as soon as you nodded your head he let go of you, turning around and running his hands through his hair, grunting before closing his fist tight and hitting the wall next to him, making you jump up from surprise. 

"jaehyun…" your voice was calm, trying to not make him even angrier as you stepped closer to him, holding his hand in yours and watching as his knuckles turned bloody. he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment, collecting himself.

"i can't believe you let another man touch you." you could see the disappointment evident in his face and you lowered your head, staring at your own feet to try not to get hypnotized by his gaze.

"we're not dating… you're just my sugar daddy." and you could feel how those words weren't just hurtful to you but also to him as he moved his hand away from yours, making you lift up your head again.

"just your sugar daddy?" you could sense how his voice was weaker than ever but you never thought this situation would be as hard for him as it was for you. as a matter of fact, you thought he wouldn't care if you disappeared at all, but it turns out you were wrong. "tell me something y/n. did you talk on the phone with richard for hours at night? did you tell him all about your problems and insecurities?" you noticed he had started moving towards you and you were walking backwards. "do you think about him when you're feeling lonely? does he think about you?" your back was now pressed against the wall, his body standing tall in front of you, so close you could feel his breath against your face and all you could think about was closing that small gap between the two of you. "do you love him?" and you knew that last question wasn't rhetoric like the others, you saw in his dark eyes how he was waiting for your response. you felt your mouth drying up and this time not even your brain could save you from this one.

"i love you." you let the words roll out of your tongue in a whisper and you felt his body tense up. the fact that he didn't say anything was making you nervous, feeling the cold sweat forming on your fingertips. but suddenly his lips were against yours, pulling you into a kiss so deep that you almost lost your breath. his hands grabbed the sides of your face and you finally had the contact you had been craving for so long. his lips moved perfectly together with yours, the desperation in each other being very evident and he only moved away so both of you could breathe, his forehead leaning against yours, his brown eyes staring deep into yours.

"you're not gonna run away from me again, are you?" you shook your head, your heart feeling heavy from not hearing him say the same words back to you but you completely shut down any words of advice that your brain might've been sending to you and you decided to listen to your heart only. at least just for tonight, you were willing to get your heart broken in exchange for jaehyun's warm touch.

he took your hand in his, the blood now drying up in his knuckles but he didn't seem to care. you followed him as he pulled you through his house, going up a spiral of stairs and then into a few hallways until you were finally inside his most sacred place, his bedroom. spacious and organized, nothing like what you were expecting but again, his house was so big that he probably had someone that cleaned it and arranged it for him. you heard the sound of the door closing behind him and once again the tingles were back to hunting your stomach. your body shivered once you felt his hands carefully being placed over your hips, pulling your back to rest against his chest.

"get undressed." his voice was now a lot deeper and you knew exactly what that meant. if you weren't feeling anxious before you were definitely feeling now. his hands left your body and he walked passed you, sitting on the big black chair next to his desk, opening his legs slightly to get more comfortable. "don't be shy, princess." his words encouraged you to move over in front of him, your shaky hands making their way to your top, slowly pulling it over your head and letting it drop to the floor. your jeans were next, your hands sliding them down your legs and you cursed yourself mentally for not bringing something sexier and easier to take off, because this wasn't the most flattering strip you could've done. but jaehyun would beg to differ, as his eyes weren't able to leave your body, watching every move you made attentively and licking his lips, even when you struggled to get your pants off. and you stood there, underwear covering the most important parts of your body and you thanked yourself for at least wearing a matching set. you saw jaehyun's finger wave at you, commanding you to come closer to him and you obeyed, your smaller and vulnerable body standing right in front of him. his hands were once more placed on your hips, pulling you even closer until you were standing between his legs, his hands caressing every bit of exposed skin on your body and you couldn't deny how much you had missed it. they made their way up your back, unclasping your bra in one swift movement and slowly sliding the straps down your arms, exposing your breasts to him and it could've been your eyes tricking you, but you were pretty sure you saw his eyes sparkle.

"you're so beautiful." he said before placing a gentle kiss to your stomach and your hands grabbed his wrist as his hands wrapped around your breasts, caressing the flesh and causing you to flutter your eyes closed at the feeling. "i missed you a lot, you know." his hands ran down your back once again until they were resting over you ass, squeezing it, and you jolted forward slightly. "you're my best girl." his fingers hooked on the side of your panties, gently and slowly pulling them down your legs, causing you to now stand completely naked in front of him. he sat back on his chair, eyeing you down and you suddenly felt too exposed, your arms quickly embracing your own body to try to cover yourself and you received a tsk from him.

"don't cover yourself, baby. let me see you." he tucked your panties inside the pocket of his pants and his eyes burned on top of your body as you slowly let your arms fall beside you. "don't you think you should apologize to me for leaving without saying anything?" you were pretty sure your cheeks were burning red at this point and you nodded, a little "i'm sorry" escaping between your lips and you heard jaehyun chuckle.

"that's not the type of apology that i want, princess." his smile quickly dropped and a serious expression took over his face. "on your knees." he pointed in between your legs and he didn't have to say it twice, his stern words being enough for you to immediately settle between his open legs, your hands caressing over his thighs. "you're gonna be a good girl tonight, right?" his fingers brushed over your hair and then lightly over your cheek as you nodded your head. "then what are you waiting for?" his eyebrow raised at you and you were took by surprise by his change in demeanor. he was always more gentle and sweeter with you, he definitely never spoke to you like that, but given the circumstances, you didn't expect him to be any less mad at you and for some reason this rougher persona that he had on when he was angry was very appealing to you and you were starting to feel your excitement pooling between your legs.

your hands nervously opened the button of his pants and he lifted his hips slightly so you could pull them down his legs, leaving him with only his underwear to cover is hard cock, waiting patiently for your touch. you slowly dragged your fingertips over the outline of his member but jaehyun was quick to hold your wrist in his hands, causing you to look up at him.

"i thought you said you were going to be good. quit teasing and get to it, baby. don't test my patience." his authoritative tone made your body shiver and his hand let go of your wrist, allowing you to keep going.

"sorry, daddy." you almost whispered and you felt his body tense up at the words. it had been so long since he heard you speak to him like that but you smirked at how his cock twitched under the fabric. he couldn't hide the fact that he loved it now. he was quick to bring in his hand under his underwear, pulling his throbbing member out, so eager to get your lips around it, and so were you.

"you think you can just call me daddy and i'll go easy on you?" he tapped the red tip against your lips and you instinctively parted your lips to let your tongue wander outside of your mouth, trying to reach for what you wanted so bad, but jaehyun kept pulling it further away from you, making you pout and look up at him.

"daddy, how do you expect me to apologize if you keep taking it away from me?" your nails digged slightly into the skin of his thighs, causing him to hiss.

"stop being whiny. i'll give you my cock when i think you deserve it and right now i don't really think you do." you whimpered at his words, watching attentively as his hand moved slowly up and down his length, making it so much more appetizing.

"so i'm just supposed to sit here? i thought you wan-" and before you could finish your sentence, his hand was on the back of your head, pushing it forward as he slid his cock inside your mouth, your lips quickly wrapping around him tightly.

"if you can't shut up i'll just make you." his fingers were intertwined with your locks, forcing more of him inside your throat and even as you tried your best not to gag, it was impossible as he gave you no preparation beforehand. he pulled your head back by your hair, finally letting you catch your breath as you coughed and he looked at you as if trying to find something. "you get now, what happens to little brats who don't listen to daddy?" you coughed for the last time and looked up at him with doe eyes, nodding your head. "speak up, princess."

"yes daddy." 

"that's my good girl. not so hard now is it?" you shook your head and he smirked at you, grabbing the base of his cock and waving it in front of your face. "so what do you say when you really want something?" he tapped the tip of his cock against your lips one more time.

"please daddy." you saw the smirk turn into a smile and you knew you had pushed the right buttons.

"there you go." and you parted your lips for him, letting him guide his length slowly inside your mouth this time, your lips sucking around him gently and pulling a groan out of him.

he didn't force your head this time around, resting back on his chair and letting you work on him to earn his forgiveness. your tongue moved from the base of his cock to the tip, taking the red and swollen head into your mouth and sucking it carefully. jaehyun's dark eyes didn't move away from you for one second, his gaze intense over you, watching as your pretty lips wrapped beautifully around his length, taking as much as possible into your mouth and groaning every time you took the courage to take more of him into your throat, your eyes sparkling up at him as you tried to hold your tears in, only letting go of his cock to gasp for air.

"you're doing so well for me, princess. keep going. i want to fill your little mouth with my cum." you felt the tingles travelling down your stomach to your core, your juices sticking to the inside of your thighs as you rubbed them together, trying to relieve some of the tension between your legs as you took him inside your mouth once again, his thick and hard cock heavy on top of your tongue as your lips worked up and down his length, picking up the pace this time, your hand mimicking the same movements at the base of his cock, feeling him twitch slightly as he groaned and bit painfully hard at his bottom lip.

"good girl. your wet little mouth feels so good around daddy, princess. that's it." his words of encouragement only made you work even harder on him, eager to watch him fall apart which by the looks of it, would happen very soon. you could see the beads of sweat forming on the little bit of skin exposed on his chest and his hand had moved once again to your hair, impatiently helping you move around him as you felt him thrusting slightly onto your mouth, his groans getting louder until you were feeling his warm liquid coating your tongue, your lips still firmly wrapped around him until he was done. you removed him from your mouth, carefully not to drop anything.

"let me see, baby." his thumb applied pressure over your chin, encouraging you to part your lips and so you did, showing him his cum glistening over your tongue, watching as he smirked down on you. "swallow everything, princess. don't waste anything." and a command was a command, swallowing down every last bit of the salty substance and opening your mouth back up, sticking your tongue out to him. "hm, such a good little girl. come here, princess." his hands tapped over his thighs and you quickly got up to straddle his lap, his warm big hands caressing down your back until they landed over your hips. jaehyun looked down, noticing the sticky mess between your legs and chuckling, his middle finger running slowly between your wet folds, making you let go of a whimper.

"you wanna cum so bad, don't you? look at you, you're dripping." his finger stopped on top of your clit where he started to apply more pressure, moving his digit in slow circles. "you like sucking daddy's cock this much? hm?" you had been so turned on this whole time and it didn't take long until you were feeling the knot in your stomach tightening just from having his finger gently touching you. "does richard make you this wet?" you whined at the question, thinking about the old man was the last thing you wanted to think about. "does he make you cum this fast?" at this point your hips were already grinding down on his hand, wanting to get as much friction as possible. "answer me." his stern voice made you shake and your nails digged into his shoulders.

"no daddy, only you." you were so desperate to cum that you felt the tears forming in your eyes but jaehyun wasn't giving you the necessary pressure or pace to throw you over the edge and you knew he was doing it on purpose. 

"then why did you chose him over me? why did you leave?" he finally started moving his fingers faster on top of your swollen clit and you shut your eyes close, jaehyun allowing you to rock your hips harder against his hand as your moans got louder. "you say you love me but you left, baby." your body was overwhelmed with emotions and you felt like you were going to fall apart at any minute. you felt your warm tears creating lines over your cheeks at the same time that your orgasm approached. your heart ached but your body was on fire. and suddenly, with a few more flicks of his skillful fingers you were coming undone on top of him, your head resting on his shoulder as your juices coated the palm of his hand, the orgasm hitting you so hard that it made your body shake on top of his and once the pleasure was over, all you had left to feel was pain as you grabbed onto jaehyun and tears fell down your face, your soft cries filling up the room. you felt jaehyun's arms wrap around your smaller body, pulling you closer to him as his hand caressed your hair.

"shhh baby, it's ok. i'm here." but you couldn't seem to stop crying, your chest moving up and down against his and your eyes turning red. you never thought this would happen to you and if you did, you probably would've never signed up for that stupid website. because this was so much more painful than not being able to pay for college or working at your last job. you felt your body being lifted but jaehyun's arms were still there, holding you, comforting you.

you closed your eyes and next thing you know, you felt warm water soothing down your body and you realised you had stopped crying, the old tears now drying on your skin. you opened your eyes and there he was. he always seemed to be there, even if your pain was caused by him, he was also what made it all seem less painful.

"you're feeling better?" you looked around you and realized you were sitting in a huge bathtub, filled with warm water as he was sitting on the floor, outside of it, his arms resting on top of the sides of the tub and his hand tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"yes. i'm sorry, i don't know what happened to me." you felt your cheeks burning up from embarrassment, thinking about how ridiculous you must have looked crying like that on his arms.

"i do. i know what happened. and you don't need to hide your feelings just because i'm your… sugar daddy." he shrugged his shoulders and as you looked into his eyes you saw how soft they had become once again. sitting like this next to you, he didn't seem so intimidating anymore.

"you know you're more than that." your hand softly grabbed his, that was resting on the tub, playing lazily with his fingers, trying to avoid his eyes as much possible. "at least to me you are." you felt your voice growing weaker. the fears of him not loving you back rushing to you once again, until he placed his finger under your chin, encouraging you to look at him and you saw that he seemed more nervous than usual.

"you know i feel the same way, right? i'm just… i'm not good at showing it. or saying it." you felt your heart that was once cold and broken, picking up the pieces and warming up again. you felt like crying all over again but decided to hold it in this time. you moved closer to him and your lips connected softly, in a gentle kiss that you waited so long for. the warmest smile appeared on his lips and you remembered it from your first date with him, all of the memories from that night flashing before your eyes, thinking about how much things had changed since then.

"are you going to stop seeing that richard guy?" you chuckled at his question, as if that was even an option.

"yeah. i don't think i need him anymore." you smiled as you played with the water, looking up at him. "but he did give good head." you laughed and splashed a little bit of water over his face, causing him to close his eyes for a brief moment.

"was he better than me?" you chuckled and rested your back against the tub.

"feeling insecure?" you teased him and he shot you a warning look which made you giggle.

"just making sure i didn't have to remind you of what it feels like to have my head between your legs. it has been a while after all and your brain might be confusing things." he gave you a sarcastic smile and you shook your head, smiling.

"he could never be better than you. trust me."

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 6/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp, I'm back from travelling! For anyone interested to know how it went; it was great (if you love stress). Liverpool is a lovely place but I've destroyed my bank account :D

Anyway! We got 4 more chapters of this fic! This is where the conflict begins. I hope yall enjoy.

TW for this chapter: Homophobia, homophobic slurs

2020

The cake was in the fridge. We'd be seeing him later. For now, we settled for some spaghetti. It had become a sort of tradition for Jujubee and me for moments that needed celebrating. But we hadn't done it in so long, what with the stress of work.

"So, Juju, as you can see, I've labelled the pages you're allowed to read, so don't go looking at other shit, OK?" I asked, chopping up a red bell pepper.

"Why? If I do, am I gonna find some porn-y shit?" She quipped, running a hand along with the butterfly print book.

"Honestly, you know all of those details anyway." I gave her a smirk, taking a piece of pepper and throwing it over to her.

I almost expected it to fly past her head, but she caught it in her mouth. Skill.

"OK, but what's in the box, though?"

I almost forgot what she was even referring to. But following her gaze, I saw it, sitting on the kitchen counter beside the fridge. "Oh, that?" I scraped the peppers into the saucepan, "That is my memory box."

"Ooh, that's even more exciting." She beamed.

"No. We're not opening it." I moved on to an onion.

"Aw, why not?" Jujubee whined.

"Because I made my Mom promise me she wouldn't give it to me until I turned 50. But I was weak and begged her to give it back. So now, I've promised myself to not look inside until I turn 50." The air was no longer clean, poisoned with the acid from the onion. My eyes were beginning to sting.

"Aw, Brie, you don't need to get all emotional about it." She had to go and joke about the tear now trickling down my cheek.

"Girl, this is torture," I wipe my eye along my wrist, pretty sure my eyeshadow has been fucked up. "Did I fuck up the smokey eye?"

"Nope." I knew she was lying to me, but she couldn't take her eyes away, "You look absolutely gorgeous as usual."

"Not as hot as you, though." I sniffed. I needed her to focus on reading so I could finish chopping the onion as soon as possible. "Anyway, you wanna read something in there?"

Jujubee opened the book and immediately laughed, "Jesus Christ, Brie, bit dark."

She showed me the first page, childlike scribblings read 'Brianna's Diary. DO NOT TOUCH! Or this will happen to you!' An arrow led to a picture of a grave.

"I never even noticed that before," I chuckled.

"With a warning like that, I better find some crazy shit in here." she cleared her throat, "So starting in 1994, 'Diary Diary, Today, I had a fight with Jujubee. She really upset me, but I upset her too. I should say sorry. That's all. Bye.'" Jujubee lowered the diary, "you bitch, why did you upset me?"

"I have no idea, girl. I mean, didn't we do that a lot back then?" I shrugged.

"I bet you started it though," She lifted the book again, a coy smile on her face. "OK, moving on to 1995," she cleared her throat, "'Dear Diary, today Mommy and Juju's Mommy took us to see Pocahontas at the movies. It was very good. Goodnight.'" Jujubee paused to giggle, "God, I love how detailed this is. You could have added so much more."

"Girl, I was 8 years old. Writing more than 4 sentences was like writing the bible to me." I countered, finally scraping the onions into the pan with the peppers.

"Yeah, but we did so much more that day. We went to McDonald's after, we found that little frog pond in the woods." She pointed out.

I hadn't even remembered that. Now I kind of wished my younger self would have pushed herself to write more.

I was too busy rifling through my messy cabinet for oregano to notice Jujubee just flicking through page by page.

"But, you wrote 3 pages worth of poetry to Blair St Clair?"

Once I found the spice, I spun around to look at her, "Juju, I told you to only look at the pages that were labelled."

She held a hand up, "OK, I'm sorry." She closed the book.

I felt bad, thinking maybe my harsh tone brought the fun to a grinding halt. Squeezing my eyes shut, releasing a sigh, I said, "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

She took a sip of her water while I added the oregano to the saucepan.

"So, did you text her back?" She played with the glass in her hands.

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Why? Do you think I should?" I asked quietly.

"Nah, not really."

"Well, why not?"

Jujubee shrugged her shoulders and went to look at her nails. "Don't know."

I clicked my heel, my tongue running along the top row of teeth behind my closed mouth. "Well, I've been thinking about it. I mean, maybe that's the problem. Maybe I could be a bit more responsive."

She made a humming sound. I was unsure what it was supposed to mean.

"OK, what's going on?" I put both hands on the counter.

"I don't know. I just think…" she paused, trying to find her words, "I don't see the point because the same shit will just happen again."

"The same shit?" I repeated, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, her speaking all but 10 words to you and then completely ignoring your existence." She put a hand under her chin.

"Well, maybe that wouldn't happen if I actually spoke to her like I wasn't terrified for once," I suggested.

She squeezed her eyes together, "Oh no, Brie. I knew this was going to happen."

"What was going to happen?"

"The whole Blair thing. I thought you were over it. Well, until she messaged you recently, I had a creeping feeling that it was all gonna come back."

"Juju, listen to yourself. You're talking like this is an actual problem."

"I hate to say it, but it is. Do you remember the time she hung out with you in the library? You were so excited the next day. I hadn't seen you so happy in so long. You wouldn't stop talking about how she would probably be there again." She paused, "But she wasn't. And you were so disappointed."

"Yeah, but things could be different now."

"And how's that?"

"Well, I'm a different fucking person now, that's one thing. I'm successful, I'm smart, I'm hot as fuck, rich as fuck - -"

"And you think that's gonna be the game-changer for her? That she's gonna come running into your arms? Because if that's the case, that says a lot about her." Jujubee rolled her eyes.

"Well, I'm a big girl, now. If it happens again, I'll just get on with things. I'll move on.

"That's a lie."

I squinted my eyes. "Why are you being like this right now? You're so salty just because I fucked wrote a private letter to her as a child."

"This isn't about the letter, Brie. You know why I'm being like this. You shouldn't need to ask." But she continued, "You've never dealt with never having parents. You think that if Blair was to suddenly be truly interested in you, you'd get over the feeling of being unwanted. Yet you're surrounded by people who love and support you, who'd stick with you to the end. But right now, you don't give two fucks about them because you're too busy panicking about some girl from high school."

I lift my head again, putting one hand on the desk and the other on my hip, "Well, congratulations, Juju. Sounds like you got me all figured out. Hey, you wanna talk about my Grandpa next?"

She only reacted to that with a scowl. And she spoke again.

"You remember the prom? Do you remember what happened? Do you remember how she didn't do anything to stop Trevor?"

My eyes shifted away, just for a second. "She told him to stop."

"Which did nothing."

I wanted to argue how she was unfair. How it was so wrong to blame Blair for the prom incident. But I was distracted by a burning smell. Only now did I notice the onions and peppers blackening.

I quickly moved the saucepan off the heat, feeling it only radiating in my own face. I put a hand on the counter, the other on my hip. "OK, Juju, maybe you should leave."

It was safe to say Jujubee was taken aback. She remained still for a second before pushing her stool out. "So that's how it is? Kicking me out when you're faced with the truth?"

"Juju, just leave, please." I felt my hands clench around the edge of the counter, my nails digging into my hip.

"I am!" She grabbed her coat and stormed from the kitchen. I flinched upon hearing the door slam shut, and only then did it sink in - the dread, the feeling of regret.

I looked at the hob, the burnt vegetables unsavable. So they went in the trash. My stomach grumbled. But I couldn't bring myself to start over again.

Opening my fridge, my eyes were immediately on the cake. And I glanced over my shoulder, looking where she had sat, now feeling a sense of emptiness. Not in me, but the room. Like I was alone.

I was alone.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I repeated as my hand clenched on the door. The cool air from the fridge felt nice but not enough to stop my panic.

I looked at the cake again, feeling the urge to throw it out the window. Or maybe just send it back to her.

Bitchy, I know. But I couldn't help it. I wouldn't be feeling like this if she hadn't acted the way she did.

I slammed the door shut, kicking it for extra measure. And in my heels, I almost tripped.

Filled with more anger, I paced around for a few minutes, aggressively cussing to myself.

Don't get me wrong, one part of me said she was right about Blair.

No. She isn't. I was going to prove Jujubee wrong.

I picked up my phone from the counter, found the message and began to type with trembling fingers.

"Blair…" I panted, "So sorry...for getting back to you so late... I'm a busy woman, as you...probably already know...Look... I'm just gonna say it...I really like you...I always have...You make me feel so confused...yet so happy at the same time...I feel a connection between us...I always have...I don't know whether you ever felt it or not...but I do hope so...I would love to meet up with you sometime soon...and maybe have a coffee...I don't know...maybe even some wine, if you want. I look forward to hearing back. Brie x"

My thumb hovered over the send button. The only sound I could hear was the ticking of the clock. Not even my own breathing.

I pulled my thumb away, closed my eyes and breathed out. "Brie. You sound fucking crazy. You sound insane. You can't just send shit like that." I repeated words of the same nature to myself, trying to usher myself off the edge before I could do something idiotic.

"Jesus Christ." I opened my eyes again, which were now glossy with tears. I wouldn't blink. I wouldn't let them fall.

Big mistake.

I thought I tapped the chat bar, going to delete the message. But my blurred vision said, "haha, no."

I tapped the button next to the chat bar. The send button.

The little noise my phone made as it was sent may as well have been the same as a gun clicking.

"Oh, God." My eyes couldn't tear away from the small screen. My heart rate increased. "No, no, no, you fucking idiot!" I pressed my thumb down on the message.

There was a delete option.

I clicked it.

'Are you sure? The recipient may have already seen the message.'

I backspaced to check.

There it was, the tiny version of her profile picture falling to the bottom of the screen. She was reading it.

"Fuck!!" I blurted.

I put the phone down on the counter, began pacing for a moment, and looked back at the phone. This went on for a few minutes. I wanted to be as far from my phone as possible. But also needed to know if she had replied.

This was it.

Blair was going to know how I was weirdly obsessed with her.

She was going to know I was checking her out in the library that one time.

She was going to know that I had fingered myself so many times at the thought of her.

What were my options?

Suicide - Not gonna happen.

Running away - But the project.

Reply with 'Hey, sorry! My friend took my phone, haha' - did anyone ever believe that excuse?

Block her before she could reply - then she'd think I was even more crazy.

Call up her place of work and somehow get her phone confiscated - why, though? That would involve Facebook stalking her again, trying to think of an excuse. Even if I did so successfully, she still saw the message.

All of the options just lead to cons. It was hopeless.

With shaky fingers, I switched my phone off and practically threw it onto the counter.

My body sank to the ground, now holding my head in my hands.

What do I do? What do I fucking do?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

2004

I was shaking. Only slightly.

There was something about the prom that made me feel so on edge.

Maybe it was all the people, all together in one room.

Perhaps it was the fact the chess boys asked to make out.

Or perhaps it was the fear of missed opportunities. Opportunities that involved a certain someone.

I watched from the side of the room as Blair took pictures with her friends on her pink digital camera. There was a feeling of regret causing my stomach to twist, my fists clenching onto my purple dress.

That could have been me.

I felt a hand moving a curled lock of hair from my shoulder.

"Just think, girl; we're almost there," Jujubee appeared in front of my vision, "College is just around the corner."

"I can't wait to be out of here," I spoke quietly.

Everyone turned their attention to the stage as Rosé appeared, announcing it was time to crown Prom King and Queen.

"Well, it's pretty obvious who our queen is." Jujubee crossed her arms.

I knew who she was thinking of. To be fair, it was pretty obvious. But I wasn't complaining.

Trevor was our Prom King, not my King anyway. I scoffed as he cheered, being pushed up to the stage by his team.

"Jesus Christ, who would have thought." Jujubee took a sip of her punch, spilling a drop on her lilac puffy-sleeved dress.

"And your Prom Queen is…" Rosé paused, pulling the result from the envelope.

3...2...1…

"Blair St Clair!"

I smiled for the first time since walking into the place. I applauded her victory as she walked up onto the stage.

Blair hugged Rosé and whispered something in her ear. I had no idea what it was, but I was too distracted as Trevor just stared.

"You wanna make a speech, girl?" Rosé joked into the mic.

Blair laughed, covering her face with embarrassment. She turned down the offer.

"OK. Everybody," Rosé held a hand to Blair and Trevor, "You're King and Queen of 2004."

Blair looked slightly uncomfortable as Trevor put an arm around her waist. Why couldn't he get the hint she was done with him?

The two got down from the stage, Trevor's gaze following her in confusion as she moved far away from him.

"Aren't they supposed to do a dance now?" Jujubee asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, Juju. I've only seen proms in movies, and they're quite obviously exaggerated."

My eyes landed on Blair once more. Trevor was whispering something in her ear, and she shook her head, rolled her eyes and walked away. Yikes, he was desperate.

"Jesus, I'm fucking nervous." Rosé was approaching us now, well, the punch table we stood beside. "Getting up on stage gets my body shaking, you know?"

"Wish I could do that." Jujubee replied.

"Yeah, well, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do." Rosé replied.

I eyed her suspiciously. This was odd; she'd never really spoken to us before.

"But of course," she looked left, then right, before pulling a flask from her bra and pouring it into a cup, "this helps. You ladies want one?"

"Nah, I'm good," Jujubee made a stank face.

Me, on the other hand, having never drank alcohol in my life, piped up, "Actually, yeah. Could you just pour me a shot of whatever that is?"

"Yeah, of course," and she didn't lie. She poured me a shot of vodka. No spitting in the cup, no adding anything sneakily, no hostility.

She passed the cup to me, giving a mischievous wink.

Tossing it back, I was totally shocked by the burning sensation it caused to my throat. I began to cough and splutter.

"Girl, chill out, or you're gonna draw attention to yourself." Rosé looked around.

I placed the cup down on the table, the plastic practically crumbling in my hand.

"This is it. The beginning," Jujubee joked, dabbing the corner of my mouth with her pinky. I didn't even know there was a drop of liquid there.

And I didn't know there was a hair out of place either. Because she was stroking a soft hand down my temple to my cheek.

"Brie, do - -"

"Juju, I'm gonna ask her to dance with me," I said all too loud.

The hand dropped instantaneously, her smile falling in a matter of seconds. Of course, I expected this shocked reaction. Even Rosé had nearly choked on her drink.

"For real?" Jujubee asked after a silent moment.

"Yep," I answered proudly, putting my hands on my hips.

"I guess you've never touched a drop of alcohol in your life, loser." Rosé leaned close to me.

"Something like that." I felt slightly uncomfortable now that she was dangerously close to me.

She snorted a laugh, holding up her hands as she walked away, "I'm not responsible for this."

So this was what they called liquid courage. Yeah, it was one shot, but it was my very first. And I was already feeling it. The buzz.

I turned to make my way to the girl I loved when Jujubee grabbed my hand, "Brie, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yes," I replied too quickly, tugging to pull away.

"Are you sure?" Her brows knit, "You're not gonna be upset if she says no, right?"

One final strong tug was enough to release her grip on me, "No, Juju. I'll be fine, just...stop questioning me, OK?"

She was silent, her arms dropping by her side.

But I continued on in my mission, vision slightly blurred, insides warmed.

Everyone around us was gone like they had just stepped into another world, leaving Blair and me in this reality. Or maybe it was the two of us who disappeared, somehow falling into the wormhole and ending up in the other world.

Or maybe it was just liquid courage.

There were only a few metres between us now. "Blair?"

She had been taking a sip of her coke when she looked up and noticed me. Wiping the corners of her mouth, she put the can down.

"Brianna!" She beamed. Her eyes looked me up and down, causing a brief moment of panic, "wow, look at you. You look great."

"Yeah, right, compared to you." I stifled a laugh.

"Oh, shut up." She smirked.

"So, um…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, looking away and to the ground, "I was just...wondering...if you'd wanna dance with me?"

I didn't lift my gaze. Only now did I understand what Jujubee meant. The girl hadn't even said no yet, and my heart was already sinking.

"It's just...this song is so good, and it's the end of the year, and we may not - -"

Before I could continue rambling, she cut me off.

"Sure. Yeah, I'll dance with you."

I lift my gaze to see her glittering smile. Like in the library, time didn't feel real anymore, and I needed to remind myself to breathe. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course." She briefly knit her brows like it shouldn't have been questioned. She took my hand in her perfect french manicured one, "Come on."

As we made our way to the dance floor, I was only now reminded that there were people here. So, we didn't slip through a wormhole. This was real. This was reality.

Blair found a spot on the floor, turned to me and wrapped her arms around the back of my neck.

For a moment, I was unsure of where to put my hands. I glanced over her shoulder, noting the couple also slow dancing. She has her arms around his neck. He had his arms around her waist.

I was hesitant at first but eventually gave in. Blair didn't mind. And I felt myself relax.

She just stared at me, the sweet smile still on her face. The music echoed around us. The lights were low. Pink tinted.

"So, how does it feel winning Prom Queen?" I asked. Of course, it felt amazing for her, but I needed to find an excuse to speak. Anything to avoid the somersaults my stomach was doing.

"I mean, it's nice, I guess. But, it's all bullshit anyway?" Her smile faltered, "Not something anyone in the future will give a fuck about, right?"

I disagreed. If I were to win prom queen, I would feel validated. And I would make sure I'd bring it up to everyone I ever met. Pathetic, I know.

"Well, I can't think of anybody better," I admitted. "Maybe they could have chosen a better King."

"Agreed." She nodded. "You know, literally just now, he tried to use this whole King and Queen thing to 'try again'. Not even that long before you came up to me. Brianna, I've already given him another chance. And he blew it."

"During the Summer?" I recalled.

"Yep." She pursed her lips.

"What did he do, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh, he just had some major anger problems," her eyes widened for a moment, "He never hurt me, though. He just...got so angry over the dumbest shit. It was just too much."

She puffed out a breath, the frown on her face appearing.

"You don't have to tell me any more," I said quickly.

"Sorry, I don't wanna get emotional." She looked back at me. "It's just... it's hard not to. You're a good listener."

How should I have felt knowing that was her analysis of me from very little time spent together? She really trusted me. "Blair... I'm sorry about that time in the library. When you mentioned my Grandpa. I feel terrible now."

"Please, don't. You were grieving."

'Was I really though?' I held back from saying.

"I never really had a Dad," I smiled, seeing his stupid smile in my head, "But he was the closest equivalent to that."

"I know what you mean." She began, "My Dad…" she trailed off for a moment, "He wasn't the best. You probably remember that one time I ran away as a kid. When you walked me to my Grandma's."

I wasn't even tense in the first place, but my body felt like it relaxed. "You remember that?"

"Of course I do. It really meant a lot, Brie." Her thumb stroked the back of my neck. I don't know if she did this intentionally or subconsciously. Was she even thinking about it? "That day, I never went back. Ever. My Grandparents took full custody of me, and they became my second parents. The ones I always deserved."

I felt my body relax even more like this was normal. "Blair, I wanna carry on something my Grandpa started."

"What's that?"

"It sounds crazy," I pause, "But he wants me to find a parallel universe."

I paused to take in her reaction. She did look taken aback for a moment. Could you blame her? "Is it even possible?"

"I mean, at first I thought he was a bit out there asking me something like that, on his deathbed and all. But I've been studying really hard, and I think it's achievable."

"That's interesting." She nodded. "So, what are you gonna do at college?"

"Drugs." I giggled before the smile dropped, "OK, not funny. Bad joke."

"I'm laughing, though." She was.

"Um, no. I'm gonna do Astronomy and Space science."

"I didn't know that was a major you could do," Blair replied.

"Me neither. What about you, though? Something in theatre?"

Blair lowered her gaze for a brief moment, "I dunno, Brie. I honestly don't see college as a me-thing. I'm constantly torn between theatre, fashion merchandising, cosmetology, politics..."

"Politics?" I laughed and instantly hoped she didn't take offence to that.

"What?" She smirked. "What's funny?"

"I just…" I paused, feeling my heart skip a beat as a particular memory came back. "This is crazy. I can't believe I remember this. All I can think about right now is the day we met. Remember the first day of elementary? On the bus? I told you I wanted to be a politician when I was older, just 'cause they liked to shout a lot. And you couldn't say the word right."

"Oh fuck, now that you mention it, I do remember." Blair laughed, "That was such a long time ago. We were so little." She looked away as if her mind had transported her to that moment. Did she remember it like I did? Did she remember how she held my hand and told me she was my friend?

And then never sat with me ever again?

My eyes had drifted away, looking over her shoulder at nothing in particular. The bad thoughts were taking over. I didn't want them to. I wanted to enjoy this moment forever. Just swaying back and forth with Blair in the middle of the dance floor.

She stroked her thumb on the back of my neck again, causing a spark to course through me.

Blair's looking at me again. "Brianna, how come we never talked more?"

I don't know if it was just me fantasising again, but her face was moving closer to mine, ever so slowly.

I had the answer to her question. But it couldn't ruin this moment. "I don't know," I whispered.

She was closer now, head tilted to the left.

And I found myself doing the same.

This was another fantasy. This isn't real.

I felt her breath on the corner of my mouth.

It felt real.

It was.

There was a frustrated roar.

A tight fist clenched around my arm.

I was pulled back forcefully.

My feet gave way.

I was on the ground.

"Are you kidding me??" Trevor stood in front of Blair, his face red with anger, "You won't fucking dance with me, but you'll dance with her??"

Everyone around us was just standing there, too shocked to do something.

"Trevor, what the fuck??" Blair went to move around him, trying to get to me. He only pushed her back.

"Of all the people, why her??" He grilled Blair with more questions. She looked afraid now.

Why the fuck wasn't anyone doing anything??

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but looking around, I saw it was actually Rosé. "Trevor, what the fuck??"

He turned to look as if offended that anyone else got involved. How could they not? Seeing her helping me stand must hit a nerve. Because he's snatched a cup of punch from a bystander, "Why are you defending the dyke??" And he threw the cup forward, the liquid drenching my hair and splattering my dress.

That was the final straw. I could feel my chest heaving.

I ran to the nearest exit. Running from the school. As soon as I felt the cool air on my skin, I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I was bent over, throwing up all the panic. Sparks of the bile dotted the bottom of my dress and shoes. I didn't care. My dress was already ruined.

I heard the door open behind me and immediately began to move again.

I tried to run, but the heels made it hard.

The person was in front of me now, hands on my face, tears streaking her face.

I expected it to be Blair.

But it was Jujubee.

"Brie, it's alright. I punched him for you." She whimpered, her hands on either side of my face, holding me tenderly.

My breathing was rugged, trying so hard to listen to her reassuring whispers. But in my head was the sound of the crowd gasping and Trevor shouting.

No one was going to forget about this. I'd be reminded by the stares in the corridors, how they'd whisper to each other.

"Let's go to my house. You can stay over if you want." Jujubee's sweet voice brought me out of my thoughts.

Words still failing to surface, I nodded.

As soon as we got in, she ran me a hot bath. Whilst I cleaned myself of the sticky punch that covered my hair and face, she made chocolate mug cakes with ice cream.

Sitting there in her room, dressed in her fluffy pyjamas, eating her food, I should have felt better. I should have been happy. But I just stared at the mug in my hand, still thinking of Trevor's anger and Blair's distressed face.

Jujubee took the mug from me, set it aside along with her own, and enveloped me in a hug. "Don't cry, Bri. Please, don't cry."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I was crying." I wept.

"Don't apologise." She shushed me, "It's OK. You're OK."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

2020

And even now, I didn't realise I was crying again. And as it was too late to stop myself, I remembered sobbing into Jujubee's shoulder, holding her tightly, like she was the only one who could get me through it. She was the only one who could get me through it.

The events of the prom left me scared, always so on edge when walking those school corridors. Just terrified that Trevor would round the corner and do something worse.

But Jujubee was there for me every time. She'd hold my hand, not giving a fuck about who looked at us weird.

I know I should have grown a backbone and defended myself, and what had actually happened shouldn't have been as damaging as it was. But, hey, I was only human.

Jujubee got in a lot of trouble for punching Trevor in the face. But she didn't mind. "Just as long as he got what was coming to him," she had said.

Hearing her retell the event, I wish I had been there. She had jumped on him, tackling him to the ground and punched him over and over again.

But as exciting as that all was, I didn't speak to Blair again. I didn't think about her. I didn't talk about her. I didn't even look at her. Blair wasn't the one to come after me that night. She never even approached me to talk about it. She didn't give a fuck.

So I kept my distance.

And just as life went on without her, she just had to go and message me. After years of silence, she couldn't have left well enough alone.

I finally lifted my head. I reached up and grabbed my phone. Turning it back on, I immediately deleted Messenger, hoping to never see Blair's response.

This would be the beginning of my journey toward happiness.

Yeah. That was it. That's what I would do.

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am out there!! i'm glad you liked it! i'm definitely trying out the recipe you left in the tags. it sounds way better than just banana and peanut butter. i always have to pay a lot of attention when i type banana because i've ended up with "bananana" way too many times

i was planning to run straight to your askbox the second i saw you replied but then the end of the semester happened and it killed me. hopefully i'm done with it now

i do exactly the same thing with height! if you tell me your height in feet i have absolutely no idea how tall that is. if you say that in centimetres that's easy. i mean you're 155cm so that's 12cm shorter than me. when you told me that in feet i was like okay cool i have no idea how much shorter than actually is

i love birds!!! so that seems awesome! i am now titling you the queen of birds. and i'm glad your vacation was good! i think i saw a couple of posts you made about it so it definitely does seem like a lot of fun! and did you ever figure out completely what that see through animal (?) in the sand was? i had no idea stuff like that even existed so now i'm invested in knowing what it is

i am 100% hiring you for my coming out party i'm throwing in a couple of years. it's gonna be fun. if we don't get immediately kicked out i promise good food and some spicy drama between my homophobic relatives and my accepting relatives! and my brother's, who i already came out to, dry commentary

i was definitely not the one you told about burma trails! but from the tags i'm just gonna say how is that allowed and why does it seem like a weird type of torture? i hate it, i probably would've had a heart attack 3 seconds in

oh yeah i actually can't tell most of the time if the memories from my childhood are actual memories or if it's just a combination of having seen photos and heard stories about it

my glasses prescription is fine i think. my eye doctor said that i get headaches from glasses because... well i tried to explain this and then deleted it all because it was a very scientific explanation when she said it and i zoned out pretty much halfway through and even the part that i did understand i can't translate to english! but it has something to do with the fact that with contacts it's enough to move my eyes in the direction i want to look at and with glasses i have to move my whole head and my brain got so used to contacts that it overdoes it with the eye movements when wearing glasses? i dunno. this is the best i can do in explaining it

i must admit i'm very jealous of the never snows part because while snow is pretty to look at it's absolutely freezing! for the past week i slept under a duvet, three blankets while wearing pants and a long sleeve shirt and i still woke up cold. because for a couple of nights it was around -22°C. it's great

ohhh you got pretty lucky as a kid then! my kid self would have absolutely lost it at getting the equivalent of 5/10 bucks. i probably would have bought so much candy

excellent!!! hope you’re enjoying the vague void from whence you came! i’ve never said whence before in my LIFE i wonder if i used it correctly. anyway. the actual recipe was way more specific but once i saw ‘2 frozen bananas’ and looked at all the sliced bananas in my fridge, having no idea how many there were, i just started improvising sdfkhsdfs. I’d be interested to try it with yoghurt though if I can get some dairy free plain stuff, I’m sure I can somewhere. Banana used to be my biggest problem when I was younger. Then I learnt words like occasion and necessary and embarrassed and I realised the more english I tried to learn, the worse my life was gonna get. And I was right. On the bright side, developing an inability to ever spell occasion correctly made banana seem a lot easier to handle.

that is fair. end of semesters are rough. i cannot function during them at all. i hope everything chills out for you!! i’m not sure how the school year is over there but maybe it’s break time? that’d be nice. but rest in peace anyway, enjoy being dead! they say necromancy is frowned upon in all societies but I reckon it’s just called making a friend when you’re dead so maybe you wanna take that up as a hobby! I’ve heard it’s nice this time of year!

yup! sometimes I’m like oh you’re 5 foot 4? that sounds way taller than me. but it...it really isn’t...it’s like an extra 8cm or something. which adds up! but in my head I was picturing a MUCH taller height. In my head I think I picture 6 foot and 5 foot 4 as the same height, now that I think about it.

!!!!! my first order as queen of birds is to meet a morepork face to face so we can chat about the price of pork these days. yes!! the first half was nice but the second half was really fun. my best guess is still that it’s a salp? Maybe? So many salp pictures are massive groups of them but like,, from what i can tell of singular photos,,, it was maybe that? I guess the only other possibility is it’s just some clear jellyfish but salp does seem more likely. At first I was like oh duuude boob implant for the ocean!! but then I realised it actually seemed kinda alive and was probably an actual creature. my bad.

excellent. i’ll break any tension by dropping the vampire act for the mouse act. will do backflips for cheese. will bite ankles for homophobic comments. Will pull a knife out of god knows where, not to threaten anyone, just to clean my nails with to make everyone nervous. I offer many services. I’m flexible. And I love me some good food.

I actually DON’T know the reason behind burma trails. I really don’t. The reason ‘it’s a fun activity!’ seems a little fake. if it’s a fun activity then why did Mrs. G. tell us a horror story about the forest before we went out to navigate said forest at night, blindfolded, surrounded by wildlife and parents supervising (*cough* waiting for the opportunity to jump out at you *cough*) with a teacher at the end waiting to scare us. So we can learn how to navigate the forest in the dark? So we learn how to follow a mysterious rope INTO the forest at night? seems dodgy to me. school camps be like [drives you out to forest] follow this rope and don’t take your blindfold off. like. bruh. i almost DID have a heart attack one time, I got stuck like something was holding my leg. First thought-ah, must’ve got my leg stuck in a big stick. Second thought-maybe this is one of the parents fucking around, it feels more like a grip than a twig. Third thought-I cannot get my leg free no matter what I do what the fuck is HAPPENING so I started crying out for help. When they FINALLY came they found nothing my leg was caught on so that was fun. love that for me. I was able to move as soon as they arrived. That’s not weird at all. anyway.

I think most of my early memories are just from stories I’ve been told and photos I’ve seen. My memory tends to be horrible I highly doubt I remember that one time I was eating dirt from the garden out in the yard gleefully. I just saw the photo evidence. mm spaghetti. bone apple teeth. my character hasn’t changed at all since I was a wee babe.

ohhhh okay. I think I get what you mean by that. Thank you for trying to explain! That’s really interesting. I guess I do move my head a lot with glasses. Although I have massive glasses so it’s probably easier for me to just move my eyes where I want. I reckon with smaller glasses I’d have to move my head way more.

the temperature comment is so funny because during the heart of winter i tend to sleep with a sheet, a blanket, a duvet, then 2-4 blankets on top while in a long sleeve shirt and long pants and sometimes bed socks and often a hottie (i’ve never realised how that sounds out of context...a hot water bottle...is calling it a hottie normal or is a my family thing? is this a nz thing? now i’m questioning myself). in my uni accommodation last year we didn’t have proper heating during most of winter and well. there was a quilt added to everything else. every blanket i could find. how cold does it get here in winter? rarely ever past 0 degrees celsius. I would literally die in your position, clearly. I could not survive that. Props to you for making it through aha.

yesss. Before when I found five dollar notes it’d be on the street and I’d be like oh no! Mum we have to hand this into the police station! It’s a lot of money, someone will be looking for it! Understandably she was like,, lindsey they might miss it but there’s not really any way you can find them,,, I still refused to spend it. That was like my first time really getting that much money for myself. The dairy on main street sold lollies for 10 cents each and they had like, 30 different lil glass boxes so you’d go I want 3 of 26, 5 of 7, ohhh and 5 of 13 please! I dunno if they’re still 10 cents each but I thought it was the best thing ever as a kid. I think I wanted to save the money though sfdjsdkfhs put it in my piggy bank to save up for something ‘super cool’. Aka probably like a neat soft toy to sleep with sdfsdkfs.

[superkixx]

Hi. Sorry to bother you with this. I know it's been a while since you posted about Speaking Out. But I'm worried, because even though some have been dealt with, Velveteen Dream, Jordan Devlin, Trent Seven, Joe Coffey, Travis Banks, Wolfgang, Justin Roberts, and Darby Allin, and probably many others are still running around free. And it's making me feel uncomfortable to watch wrestling, because I have to see them. Promotions promised to take this serious and they haven't.

No worries 💕 I left off with the intention of doing an eighth update but there was just nothing new to report. News wise, everything kinda got overshadowed by the WWE Covid situation.

I’m not an avid viewer of American wrestling but I’ve gotta say, I was really shocked to see Justin Roberts still ring announcing for AEW last week... I think in Darby’s situation, nothing will happen. From a business perspective, with his incident being a domestic ordeal, I just think they’ll see it as “well he’s good for business and he’s not a threat to the fans”. That tends to be how domestic abuse incidents go down in wrestling, unfortunately.

WWE has a lot on their plate right now what with every one of their staff having Covid-19 but I hope they don’t think they can get away with not addressing these wrestlers. I remember 3 weeks ago there was a report that WWE was looking to clean up their roster but we’re yet to really see any of that. I personally think that (if they’ve got any sense) NXT UK will go under in the coming weeks/months. The ratings weren’t outstanding anyway and their roster is full of sex offenders so if they’ve got any sense they’ll chop it.

It’s completely understandable that you’re uncomfortable watching these promotions. Wrestling is something that is meant purely for joy and entertainment and if you’re not getting that from what you’re currently watching then you don’t have to force yourself through it. I still think it would be disappointing to let certain promotions/wrestlers ruin something you used to enjoy, especially when there is so many alternatives to those bigger two (remember, bigger isn’t always better).

Just off the top of my head, here are some alternatives you might wanna try:

IMPACT Wrestling - (They seemed to handle the #SpeakingOut allegations pretty quickly and dropped any wrestlers involved. I’m not sure where you’re from, anon, but I know it airs on TV in both the US and the UK so this is a pretty accessible one.)

NJPW - (My personal favourite, they do have Will Ospreay but there’s so many other great wrestlers there, it’s pretty easy to just brush him aside and enjoy the others. It’s a lot more physical and martial arts influenced than the big American promotions so don’t be shocked if someone gets injured.)

STARD✪M - (Another one of my favourites, it’s an all women’s joshi promotion so again, it’s quite a bit more physical and harder hitting than the American promotions.)

GCW - (These are an independent promotion, the types of matches and shows vary quite a bit, they don’t have one particular style so I find it’s quite a good one when you’re looking for something new.)

PWG - (Another indie promotion. They tend to get a lot of top wrestlers from all over the world eg. Bandido, Jeff Cobb, Jake Atlas, Shingo Takagi and so on. Especially for their Battle Of Los Angeles tournament.)

NOAH - (I’ve personally not seen a lot of NOAH but they seem to be doing pretty well for themselves again.)

DDT - (Where a lot of Japanese promotions opt for the mma/strong style, DDT is a lot more light-hearted and silly.)

CMLL - (Is literally the longest living wrestling promotion ever. They’re a lucha libre company but they have ties with NJPW and ROH as well.)

Now, I know you’re not gonna want to just dive right into a new paid subscription at random so here’s some places you can watch these shows for free:

All Wrestling - (I recommend only using this site if you have adblocker and an anti virus installed just because of the third-party advertising. You can find NJPW, PWG, NOAH, IMPACT and more all on here for free.)

Bilibili - (This is a Chinese video sharing site but you can just search any show in the search bar eg. DDT or GCW and chances are you’ll find entire shows uploaded there for free. This is a really good site for when you just wanna try something new and fall into a little wrestling rabbit hole.)

Joshi City - (They have loads and loads of joshi wrestling matches uploaded through private DailyMotion links and if you’re not sure where to start, they have their personal recommended matches highlighted to make your decision a little easier.)

Rutube/RealHero - (This is a Russian video sharing site and user RealHero has tons of Japanese wrestling matches up for people to watch. I also find that Rutube in general has quite a lot of wrestling content.)

FiteTV - (Fite for the majority is paid content but they do have a fair bit of free content on there too.)

These are just a few that I could think of in the moment. I hope this was helpful, feel free to message me anytime if you have anymore questions ❤️

[kkulmoon]

MY FAVORITE PERSON ON TUMBLR IS BACK!!! YAY WELCOME BACK BBY!!! I MISSED YOU

I'm sure you did well on those exams 😤 you're amai!! Ofc you would do well!!

As for me... i caught covid over the winter break LOL thought i might die, but! I've recovered and is alive and kicking. Other than that, i just kinda spend like 90% of my times on genshin impact over the break so nothing really happened LOL

And I lived in the United State, what new year??? It's still December 46th 2020, there were a coup not too long ago so that was fun, i hate it here. I have half a mind to learn every languages in Europe so i can yeet myself out of this country.

On a brighter note... GOT7 IS FREE!!! my bby is free and i'm happy. Also BTS new samsung pic 😍😍😍 i----- boi they should be illegal.... AND JK WENT BLONDE HMMMMM SIS I NEARLY HAD A STROKE WHEN I SAW IT

How about you, lovely? Anything interesting or you wanna rant about?

Question of the day is... if you have 1 week left to live, how would you spend it?

NOOOOO YOU ARE MY FAV PERSON ON HERE 🤧 THANK U SO MUCH BBY, IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK AND I MISSED YOU MORE, LIKE A LOT MORE I SWEAR!!

let’s hope so, I’ll keep your enthusiasm and hopefully it all goes well, I’m only really nervous about one of the tests the rest went quite well, you believe in me wayyyy to much but i’m flattered lol 

ohhhh no bub, i’m so sorry about that ;(( but i’m so glad to hear that you’re doing better now and I hope that you soon recover fully 🥺

i had to google “genshin impact” like the non gamer that I am 😓, it seems like cool game though, love the visuals, is it your favourite game? i haven’t played a video game in probably 4 -5 years or so 👀 i honestly feel like i’ve forgotten how to play lol

“DECEMBER 46TH 2020″ I AM SHRIEKING T^T, no but honestly the situation in the us is a real mess, just thinking about it makes me drained, i hope that people don’t gloss over the whole thing and sweep it under rug like it never happened because it benefits a certain group of people 👀

OMG YES!!!! OUR BABIES ARE FREE AND THEY GET TO FLY WHEREVER AND HOWEVER THEY WANT 💚💚💚💚💚i cannot wait to see what they do 🥺

hun we don’t talk about samsung adverts here like it’s actually sick!!!, did you see how big joon was 😳, i nearly pulled a “learnado dicaprio bites his hand”, the phone was barely visible ksjsksjl and even it were visible we would still have been looking at bts anyway

if we don’t talk about bts x samsung then we don’t THINK about blonde jk. NOT. ONE. BIT. NO NO NO like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i’m having a big revelation soon so you’ll understand why i’m at the end of my wits when it comes to jeon jungkook, that on performance with the blonde hair and the harness, I WAS LEFT DEDDDDDDD even while watching on like 480 def 🤡

hmmm the only think I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is what I want to gif now that I am back, honestly feel like I lost the little skill I had 😭and my idea bank is literally empty but I’ll hopefully manage *sigh*. also i am really curious if netflix’s “sweet home” and “the school nurse files” will have a second season cause I am OBSESSED!!!! the first one is just horror and straight up gore and the other one is just a really quirky and interesting series imo, other than that not much to rant about. any rant material on your end?

oofff 1 week?! huhhhhh, I mean I would probably try things I have yet to do, like adrenaline inducing things, most of which involves jumping 🤪otherwise I think I would be quite chill, reread as many of my favourite books, watch my favourite movies and then spend time with my family 🥰 and maybe write about my last days cause why not. 

i’m coming in with the generic question but I feel like it needs to be asked, do you have any new year’s resolutions for 2021 👀??

[deeahhnuh]

2018!!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

2019 is coming. What?!?!?

Happy almost New Year, Tumblr! :)

What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?

Huh... I don't think I actually did anything too different this year! Well, this review is off to a great start, lol!

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As usual, no real official resolutions - I like having little goals as the year goes along!

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes!! My cousin had a precious baby girl!!

Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother - Ma - passed away in late November. It's difficult to articulate, mostly because I just can't quite comprehend it yet, how much I will miss her. Ma was the biggest, warmest presence in our family. All of my memories have at least some trace of Ma in them!

One memory that I've recalled a lot lately is of the times we played my Barbie board game, sometime in the late '90s. There were so many wonderful times, but those Barbie game nights with just us girls - Ma, my mom (her daughter), and me - were magical. I would set the game up on the dining room table at BaBa (my grandfather) and Ma's house and we would play and talk and laugh! Ma was in her early 70s then, but her peals of laughter and her face lit up with smiles gave me a glimpse into what she must have been like as a teenager.

That was Ma!! ❤️ She was always up for having fun, for reminiscing about funny memories, for enjoying life. Ma was there for every big event and for all the quiet moments, too. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had Ma for so long into my life. I love her, and I miss her.

What countries did you visit?

None! I really need to get out more, lol!

What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

Of course there are things I'd like to have, do, and learn in the next year - but I'm happy to say I didn't really lack anything in 2018! :)

What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The end of November and beginning of December were marked by sadness and loss, but also with connection and love - my family really helped (and continue to help) one another through a hard time. I feel closer than ever to my fam. ❤️

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Been a Registration Assistant for two years now, and I love it!! Less real-lifey, and actually very goofy - I hit (and passed) 10,000 scrobbles for the year. I haven't hit that kind of high number for a while, so... Achievement!

What was your biggest failure?

Didn't do anything too stupid this year, haha!

Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, yay!

What was the best thing you bought?

I love fragrances, so my fave purchase this year is, of course, a perfume! Calvin Klein Euphoria Amber Gold just smells soooo gooood. It's rich and sweet, kinda syrupy - really beautiful.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My family. The mama, the dad, the bro - they are so awesome. We're always there for each other - I love them more than words can say!!! ❤️

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one really! I've been pretty even-tempered all year, haha!

Where did most of your money go?

Probably perfume, lol! But music is right up there, too. Maybe movies as well! Basically, entertainment!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Kylie's new album, Golden!! Actually, a few other music faves had new releases too, and I was hyped about them all - Richard Ashcroft (Natural Rebel), Florence + The Machine (High As Hope), Lykke Li (so sad so sexy), Emika (Falling in Love With Sadness), Sarah Brightman (Hymn), and Arctic Monkeys (Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino). Great music, all year long!

What song will always remind you of 2018?

List time!

"Dancing" by Kylie Minogue. Of course! My queen returned with a lovely album this year (see above!), but this seemingly simple first single had to grow on me. I say "seemingly simple" because at first listen, it is! Guitar, stripped-down beat - where's the glitter? It's in Kylie's voice, in how she declares with gusto: "When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" A quietly bombastic grower.

"Breathe" by Jax Jones. Catchy and bouncy!

"One Kiss" by Calvin Harris feat. Dua Lipa. Breezy fun!

"In My Mind" by Dynoro & Gigi D'Agostino. Hypnotic!

Compared to this time last year (2017), are you:

Doing really well, kinda like last year! :)

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Quoting last year's year in review: "wish I'd listened to more new albums, and not just compilations." But I loves my dance music comps so much! :O I really think I'll try to listen to more new music in the new year.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Not to be too serious business, but doubting myself. I worry I'm not doing enough, or not doing it right, or could have done it better. I guess a little self doubt keeps you on your toes - keeps you challenging yourself - but I'm happy that as I've gotten older and a tad wiser, and gained more confidence in myself, these worries have lessened. So this year, I did doubt myself, but not as much as last year, or the year before. Here's to an even more confident 2019! ;)

How did you spend Christmas?

Fam, ham, and fun! :)

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2018?

I managed to not embarrass myself all year, haha!

How many one-night stands?

None, lol

What was your favorite TV program?

Forever a fan of goofy cartoons!

Real Housewives! All of 'em are wonderful trash TV. :) (Gif source!)

And for no good reason I watched every season of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! on Hulu. Cracks me right up!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Put-together and polished, I like to think!

What kept you sane?

Lots of music, movies, and TV. Always up for some entertainment!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah!

What was the best book you read in 2018?

Ooh, just got a New Year's Resolution for 2019 - read a book, lol.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I rediscovered some old faves! "Love Today" by Mika has forever been pure joy, "You Can Dance" by Bryan Ferry can't be any smoother, "Spirits" by Jamie Woon stays majestic, "212" by Azealia Banks still slaps, "Reagan's Skeleton" by Yeasayer continues to be massive, and "Watch Out For This (Bumaye)" by Major Lazer is always a banger.

What did you want and get?

Lots of good things - I'm very fortunate!!

What did you want and not get?

Nothing! Like I said, fortunate. ❤️

What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't see many movies released this year, but I did really like Ant-Man and the Wasp!

And A Quiet Place!

I also saw Midnight in Paris (2011) after years of meaning to - it's such a lovely film!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

32! Little fun things - used CD shopping (a fave thing to do), movies, good meal...!

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Can't ask for more!!

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I've never watched American Horror Story because it seems pretty spoopy and I'm a wimp, but I was going around the channels and that guy who plays the Antichrist lol - Cody Fern - caught my eye. He fine!

What political issue stirred you the most?

There's something new stirring every day, ugh!

Who did you miss?

Ma. ❤️

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?

Family matters - not the TV show, although that's good too! I already knew this, but I really really felt it so much this year. ❤️

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

"When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" No matter what's going on, I want to try and have a good time and enjoy things! Here's to a 2019 full of goin' out and dancing! :)

[conspiracieys-archive]

I know you haven't done a Dusan Nemec thing in awhile (and you don't have to answer if you don't want too) but how do you think he would act in a realationship or to a regular, I know you've briefly mentioned it but how would he treat them? What kind of dates would he take them on? How would they sleep together? Anything else you can think of I'm curious ☺ also what kind of music and movies do you think he likes??? (I asked this a while ago just didn't know if you got it sorry)

YES HELLO i honestly don’t know if i got it i am so sorry. idk if tumblr ate it or if i just forgot (both are super possible) but i am still so sorry. i am Ready To Do This. im always down to talk abt Dusan cause Lordt knows this man needs more love. he’s a fucking disaster and he’s kind of a shitty person. i love it. let’s Do This.

Read More cause long

with a regular, there’s not... Too much emotional depth. like they are both aware that it’s mostly about the sex, but Dusan respects or is interested in them just enough to keep them around instead of tossing them aside like a one night stand. that said, he doesn’t kick out his regulars right away. sometimes they leave of their own accord, and sometimes he has shit to do so they gotta go, but sometimes they stay the night in Dusan’s big ass bed. and they can actually talk in the morning. it’s not ... as awkward as it would be with a o/n/s cause Dusan and his regulars do this a lot.

but at the end of the day, with a Regular, Dusan’s just not in it that deep. they have something he’s interested in (dick, vag, information, something) and he keeps them around. i did write about Dusan and comfort here, and i think that kinda applies to them, too. like it’s important to note that a regular sex partner is not an emotional connection. Dusan just wants to bang someone who knows him and knows his body and who he knows relatively well.

he doesn’t take regulars on any sort of dates cause it’s purely physical. he will invite them over, or have them meet him at Blume HQ for that Locked Personal Office sex, but since there’s no emotion behind it, theres no wine and dine going on.

AS FOR how they sleep together, like at night, Dusan takes up most of the bed. he doesn’t exactly starfish but he lays on his back with an arm out so his Regular can snuggle if they WANT to, but it’s fairly obvious that he doesnt care. he just wants to sleep after a night of Good Sex.

VS a relationship, i mean. when Dusan commits, he commits. the line between Regular and Relationship isn’t exactly thin but it’s also not the thickest line either. and in this context, a Regular has the huge potential of bleeding into a relationship.

if he’s in a relationship, depending on the type, that’s the only person he sees. (i mean, open relationships or poly relationships exist and Dusan is down for any of them ig. just depends on the Partner in question) he does like the... consistency of being in a romantic relationship. like no new partner every night, no switching around to not get attached (unless the s/o in question was a Regular sdfjkhlkjdsf then that Failed Hard). just... Dusan, and this person he cares about a lot.

(if the relationship hits the 8 months mark, Dusan sits them down and they have that Deep Talk about what they want from a relationship. the one that lasts a couple days and they both have to walk away and think about the questions they each asked type of talk)

and while he’s not.... big on dates, he likes to go all out for dates. whether it’s at a Super Fancy Uptown Restaurant™ or a Roof Top Bistro™ or a deeply intimate picnic at a park, Dusan puts his all into it. Man he cares about his S/O!!!! he wants to spoil them. and this dude is rich as FUCK he makes fuckin BANK!!!!!! he can and will senselessly spoil his partner with grand dates. fancy food. he reserved the whole park, hired a bunch of body guards to keep people out so him and his S/O could enjoy the evening without anyone else around. (buying out the park helps if things get heated so it’s less awkward when they try and get it together to go home.)

he has also been known to take a S/O to the movies, or literally fly them across the country for an impromptu night watching the Latest Broadway show. he might even go above and beyond and plan a romantic weekend in Venice (and if it coincides with some Dirty Dealings he has to do... its ok........ no one rly needs to know............................. HEY! what did you expect? he’s Dusan Nemec. he’s still pretty dirty when it comes to Blume and ctOS stuff! love doesn’t mean that stops! it just becomes less obvious to the public and to DedSec because he cares so deeply for someone other than himself)

with a romantic partner, Dusan is more inclined to cuddle and share his space. he doesn’t starfish, doesn’t stretch out to make a point. he lays on his side, 100% ready to Spoon (he does Not jetpack. he likes to be on the outside of snuggling. he’s so paranoid, trying to spoon him will not go well)

the sleepier he gets, the more affectionate he is and he often falls asleep murmuring incoherent sweet nothings against his partner’s neck, tracing nonsensical shapes into their skin as he cuddles them. god i wish that were me. also Dusan will initiate cuddles with a romantic partner. he’s like... get over here........ right up against me... awful.... i love him......

aaaand to wrap it up: music and MOVIES!!!

music wise, he’s pretty open minded, although he is NOT a huge fan of pop music. boybands? gross. he loves Zayn Malik's music now that Zayn’s gone solo but. i think he prefers classical music. soft, dramatic, no lyrics, nothing rly too overwhelming. something to work to or cook to or read to.

catch this man getting rly emotional over classical music. one day he’s just laying on his back on the kitchen floor, staring unseeingly at the ceiling because its So Beautiful. (this happens like once a month)

MOVIES.... he likes classic films i guess??? classic, oldies, cheesy. he loves super old westerns im sorry but I Do Make The Rules and Dusan Loves Cowboys. he’s also big on foreign films. catch him watching French films and his eyes get all glassy cause he just... loves. also Chinese films, too.

he hates Fight Club i just wanna put that out there. he wont watch horror because he doesnt have time to be jump scared every 5 seconds. if theres like a non-jump scare-y horror movie, he’ll probably watch it but he thinks jump scares r Weak. he’s way more powerful than me, i cant watch horror movies of ANY kind.

he hated Inception btw. (i loved Inception) he just... hated it. the only Batman movie he liked was the 1st Batman with Michael Keaton. he’s not a big fan of the rest of them.

he loves Indiana Jones tho jot that the fuck down.

he’s neutral on Star Wars. he just hasnt watched the franchise with someone incredibly passionate about it. if he watches it with me, he’ll Love it. he HAS seen it though he saw the original trilogy and the prequels. “Cassian whom? who is Finn. what is happening. where is Luke?” - Dusan when someone asks him what he thought of TFA and Rogue One.

the only Star Trek he likes is the original series. by that i mean, it’s the only one he’s ever watched all the way thru. someone make this man watch the other series !!!

the first dude Dusan ever popped a boner for was The Rock jussayin.

THATS ENOUGH FROM ME

i hOPE this is what you wanted??? if not pls send another ask and i will add on/clarify whatever??? i love Dusan and i love rambling about this jackass.