#and nothing else. life is. a trip.
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It’s crazy how expendable all the crew members were to the Pony Express.
A 30% chance that your shipment would be lost. Cargo and crew are inseparable if we are to believe the shitty layout of the Tulpar. People use it because it’s cheap. The labor is cheap. The lives are cheap.
They are all relatively easy to forget about. It’s implied Anya and Curly don’t have many friends or much family to be concerned about them back home. She mentions nothing and no one to fall back on and he feels like wasted his life with the company. Jimmy probably only has Curly, otherwise people wouldn’t care or ask. Of course Daisuke and Swansea have family’s but Swansea thinks poorly of his and Daisuke’s poorly of him. All people in the companies eyes that wouldn’t stir up too much trouble if they became part of the 30%.
It makes it so much sadder because that ladder they were climbing was so small and shitty. There were rungs, ranks, but even the highest was barely off the ground. Jimmy wanted to reach the top of something that was brutally cut off and knocked everyone else off just to not see it.
#like yes curly was slightly better off but he’s not getting a severance package he’s a top show pony to the company#but they will just shoot him if he becomes a horse with a broken leg#Anya was likely picked cause she had enough knowledge but not enough to concretely call malpractice and Swansea was already a cog in the mix#he was an alcoholic getting back on the straight n narrow he needed it Daisuke is forced on the trip and eager to prove himself#Jimmy also need the job and got it from nepotism and won’t care as long as he’s paid#complains but yknow and Curly likely doesn’t do much but work he’s like a perfect little face man and he kinda hates it#like it’s a misconception that he was bored at the top or he needed a new ladder because he was done with this one he literally is miserable#and feels like he unfulfilled and doing nothing with his life as he’s ONLY successful in his work like he has nothing else#which makes it so mad cause Jimmy saw Curly as this guy with a perpetual golden goose but he’s just like them#like shiny gold appearances aside he’s like the second saddest like next to Anya because shes like depressed#because yknow she’s a victim but she had hopeful and happy determined prospects like Curly is just sad with his life and Swansea is chilling#like he’s made his peace even if he’s not like clicking his heals and Jimmy is less sad more angry#he’s a sad mans tho like he’s like Dan vs to me#mouthwashing#the pony express#mouthwashing game#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing#captain curly#curly mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Treasured Treats
@jojo-schmo
#Still recovering from everything (thank you for the kind words everyone!) but I had nothing else to upload for Halloween#That and this idea was so sweet I wanted to be involved!#(After sixth months Noir finally has a -single- meal...!)#That's a senbei rice cracker cookie he's eating btw - Noir likes warm drinks and relatively bland and simple food#(For some off the cuff lore... his mom probably gave him some to eat on the shuttle from the New World > Shiver Star)#(As they were on the run at the time 'airplane snacks' was likely the best she could offer her hungry confused son...)#(...But Noir would surely remember the taste of the simple rice crackers he had that day very fondly)#Still... when a man cries over a single rice cracker you know he's lived a rough life XD#(Random Dess Lore: This was the first thing my host family gave me after the worst plane trip of -my- life)#Noir Fontaine#Dess Art Post#cw: blood#(well it's a nosebleed but still)#Really need to stop drawing and rest my hand/eye...#But I wanted to do something a little cute and fun first!
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Hi guys, this is usually what a doodle page ends up looking like <3 (oh, and @ancha-aus thought you might like this! Not writing but certainly fuel to my fire lol-)
This one is New Age filled!!! (Close-ups abd Lore beneath the cut!)
1) Night and Cross!
Night is actually very clingy once he's a teen. He doesn't usually realize it, but around the castle he'll snake to be closer to his Knights so long as there's no one he needs to keep his composure infront of is nearby. Cross is the one who's not used to physical touch (when it's not Ink ofc) so Night in his personal bubble makes his heart melt but also scares tf out of him <3
2) Error and Night's Meeting!
Error was carrying his whole life on his back and trying not to get arrested for unintentional property damage at this point, so when he saw the chance to get back at his brother and prove he was strong enough? Yeah, he got that on chance instantly. And was VERY smug when Nightmare chose him. (Also, Error is wearing gloves, so less Haphephobia)
3) Dream and Blue designs!
I think these are good tentative designs! Dream probably has a more regal fit, but he likes to play up that rugged exile look- He's inspired by Archers, while Blue takes on that classic Knightly-vibe. Their equipment is mostly stolen from Night's troops or brought with them from Blue's home kingdom.
Also, Dream is approx Killer's height at this point, shorter than Cross and *much* shorter than Apple!Nightmare. (Hc that Skeletons tend to be tinier in stature thanks to weird monster beauty standards. Horror and Geno's fam are outliers.)
4) Horror and Dust designs!
Horror is naturally a very *large* monster. He's very malnourished when Nightmare meets him, but by the time he's a Knight Nightmare has made sure that's no longer the case. He actually loves comfy, simple clothes, but to play up the whole 'strong mysterious' bit he wears a more barbaric Knight's garb. He doesn't mind acting scary, it's more fun that way :]. Dust is very very small, and envies horror sometimes for his size, but his tiny stature let's him control his body and move a lot quicker. He's very much based on a rogue, and usually covers the lower part of his face w/ a black cloth, and the upper part w/ his hood or mask. Dust only removes both to bathe, eat, or relax in a safe location. (Ignore that I can't draw the stupid gaster blaster lmao-)
These last two were space-fillers, but Cross and his Borzoi (Windmill, otherwise known as Milly (Killer named her-)) and really bad first wips of Ccino! I think Ccino was a chubby, happy toddler, but lost a lot of 'weight' (bone mass? Magic?) due to stress and pressure and bad eating habits. So it isn't until a while after the Coronation that he starts to relax abd feel safe enough to eat normal meals (Nightmare used to guilt him into eating snacks together, but as his boss (and younger brother) he can encourage it more often). By the time Killer shows he's still not quite healthy, but he's better. As more weight is lifted off his shoulders, the better he is. (That 'beauty' most people saw was a more stereotypical slimness, but Killer never stopped seeing Ccino as beautiful-) I think he never looked traditionally underweight, so no one noticed, and it was only much later that Night processed it. (And maybe it's why Dream hardly recognized him later on-)
#new age au#I love showing mundane life things-#and also these designs beamed into my brain#I can't draw Ccino for anything but the others? yeag#Blue is definitely my fave. and just like every au I will draw Blue perfect the first time and draw Dust 6 billion times 😔#Horror is kinda banger too tho#makes me laugh to imagine Horror picking up Dust mid-fight out of convenience and Dust weighs nothing to him#(also this size difference is exactly why Dust and Horror fight in the non-magic training. and why Horror accidentally obliterated his#shoulder later on lmao- Dust needs to be able to dodge any enemy. Horror needs to aim for small and quick targets.)#(Meanwhile Cross is the newest and Killer the oldest and if Cross adapts to Killer then he'll adapt to the others more easily.)#oh! and Ccino w/ his arc? I think I really like the idea of a Ccino with a plump body-type. but that conflicts with my vidion of Ccino kinda#losing track of eating and being co-erced by adults to skip meals just enough to make him the 'right amount' of curvy#so when Nightmare takes over it's a habit he's so used to he hardly notices that he's doing it. but. Night picks up on it because Ccino is#almost akways with him. their relationship is very much Ccino giving his life to help Night#but it's also Night recognizing that and giving it back to Ccino along with more the moment he can#just smth smth this au is full of fit and exercized people and I think Ccino deserves some comfort and healing and positivity <3#also I am SO fond of Nightmare getting up in people's bubbles. he does it most to Killer and Ccino for obvious reasons but#god forbid a noble be talking behind his back because he *will* twist around and shove under his knight's arms or sides just to#read them the riot act or stare them down <3#and I think when he was an adult Night was... kinda like the big brother? like. not an experienced one by any means. but he wasn't *not*#affectionate then either. he was better at being serious about it and more discreet. but like#Nervous Cross escorting him in public? Night nudges his shoulder briefly with a Tendril to try and comfort him. Dust having a magic overload#? personal Training against just Night so there was no risk of harming anyone else. then snacks and tea after.#Horror is homesick? Woah look at that a scheduled trip back to visit with Crop and side-track back to Horror's village? huh?? wild...#Killer upset at all? Night will find a solution. just you wait. a cat. two cats. perhaps even a cat in a little sweater? or y'know. just a#chat or a combat?#Nightmare showed his affections but was just more distant about it.#Oh also. all four were used to tendrils lifting/tugging them subconsciously. usually during trainings to avoid them hurting eachother by#mistake in their early days. Killer misses it sometimes
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also "textless" versions of these, wahooo
#corned beef#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bsol#speaking of >:3 & >:3 third time's the >:3 in successfully slammed both up against the window of joe iconis's car (twitter @'d & Seen)#which is really just a :3 but whom among us (orchestra hit) is not a little impish with it#first year i did fanart like wouldn't it be fun if joe saw & liked this. second yr like Same plus it did happen last time#then also recency Fun Times bias sure but he did make it a frame in his End Of Year Good Times Celebration video like >:'3#yes i draw exactly what i wanna draw b/c it's some specific thing i enjoy that much so Yep that is the xmas show to me#so powerfully i was moved like ooh fun xmas villain wrole?? in '19 when i was paying attention & relieved of some bmc closure malaise#by the xmas show but obv Least aware / knowledgable lol. technically showed up in '18 around nov/dec but no chance Right then of tuning in#i mean i had the capacity but did not know it existed / even Less helpful preexisting context. anyway so by the time the show returns#& i've done research in between & gone my god i am i live laugh loving like Yeah i'll do more fanart & omg cyril & omg krampusfucking#able to ramp it up this year & like just thanks to Drawing Experience i'm better at forging ahead through thee process even when it's#extra ambitious like my god am i in over my head? well keep swimming for the surface like only several times going [aaa....] only to yknow#not be that tripped up anyway but still go [(celebrate) christmas!!! (with me)] & be like Do It For The Krampusfucking Gift#one post for another like lighting up my life joe just coming out like ''who wants clips. first up Full Cyril Fucks The Krampus number''#like jeez made that happen And passed it along....it's always the like epitome of my art like i make the specific often really niche stuff#i really respond to; does anyone else enjoy this? if yes; Wheeee; sometimes this is also ppl Behind the really niche shit i enjoy#like i truly hope you do get that kick out of it as i slam it up to the window; worth a Highlight Of Your Year or not#the power of [i do like to Draw the things i latch on to] + [internet] for you#really the bsol design even More an event in ''how did i even do this'' b/c even when planning to make it slightly easier like well#fewer figures; i'll use ink pen so i hone the lineart less than i would to precisely get [line weight mostly irrelevant] Line Geometry#yet still going ruh oh i'm honing for sure. but then like did Most of the lineart all in one night + all the coloring the next round#when i draw quite slowly / the Honing is virtually always an inextricable part of my process like i do Nothing in less than Hours#like i think even my freewheeling bsol sketches posted just this morning took me at Least an hour; judging by vids i played in the bg lol#not quite calibrated to have Attuned Confidence In My Ability To Forge Ahead thusly like oh no if i don't have Momentum or it doesn't#happen to be one of those times things just spontaneously come out great right off without more honing / consideration we're fucked....#not actually the case but yknow still realizing this lol But still able to just pat myself on the shoulder like It's Manageable & it is/was
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genuinely the only veilguard thing that's doing it for me is varric having an affair with a younger man who reminds him of marcus when they first met.
#i actually wanted rook to be a little older but varric kept calling him kid so it fot weird lol#i dont think theyd fuck. i think the situation is worse than that. varric spending the last year of his life recreating#his relationship with a man who wants nothing to do with him#this is canon to me but nothing else is. like i think varric trips and falls down some stairs or something#veilguard spoilers#<- for varric death titbits in the tags
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my classmates will go thru 6 hours of class the day after a long excursion through the countryside and then just get up and go run around in town for hours going to movies and shopping and whatever and I'm just sitting here like Aren't you all exhausted . Aren't you all sore and pained. Where are you getting this energy. Can we calm down
#if nothing else this trip has really opened my eyes to how much chronic pain/fatigue does impact my life compared to others#i dunno I guess I just never really noticed. but I just don't have the energy other people do. Not even close. Not even a little bit#I go through a day of class and relish in the thought of spending the rest of my day resting because the agony in my legs#and the unbearable tiredness I feel just beckons me to collapse into bed#but everyone else is just so . energized. and ready to explore. and wanting to run all over the place and do 1 million things all the time#and this is normal? this is how normal people are? Because I'm the only one out of my entire class who seems to be the opposite#everyone just has so much energy. and I Do Not have that energy. I had to stand for most of the past three hours and it's taken me out#for the day i'll be honest. but everyone else just seems so undaunted#and it sucks because i'd love to hang out with these people and join them and whatever but when I do force myself along i'm just so tired#and so pained that all my responses are either dry or i don't say anything at all. i'm just completely out of spoons but I hang on because#i Hate the feeling of being left behind#oh well. eye-opening experience I guess#vent#<- it became that so yeah I'm tagging it#clamtalk#and also? my bee sting? IT ITCHES. Who was going to tell me it'd do that. What the Fuck Man
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CHRISTMAS IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!!! NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT!!!!!!!!!
#i'm ruining my life my health my relationships and for what?#i'm spending good money and putting time and effort into buying gifts for people and you know what i'm gonna get in return?#a hastily chosen cheap ass gift from each of my siblings. money from my dad because he doesn't know me and i'm not worth the effort.#my mum is paying my airfare for a trip that i do not want to go on i can't stress enough how much i don't want to go but she's making me#and i am forced to tire myself out and put undue stress on my already very bad body in order to hang out with family members i don't like.#not fucking worth it not even a little bit and i really am serious#it's not about family. if it were about family it would be enough to watch a muppet christmas carol with my family and call it a day.#but that's not enough is it. yes i am a scrooge and i'm proud of it.#actually no i'm not bc you know what i do around christmas that afaik no one else who expects presents from me does?? DONATE.#like to charity???? like scrooge DOESN'T do??????????#i'm not a scrooge i'm a grinch and nothing will ever grow my heart so don't even try
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But hey I managed to cry haha maybe now I'll be free of the headache 🤞😔😊
#nothing like having a downwards self hating spiral at 5 am at your aunts flat#when you are very aware what youre thinking is silly and bad for you bc were past the self hate#but man do i feel like self hating now#im a lazy selfish person who cant even hold a convo in his native language what can i say#at least im getting paid for it for now well see how long until they realize im still faking it all#and at the end i still dont want to ve anyone#i never really did find it after all#wheres my free anime moment#wheres my lifechanging trip to australia that will make me discover what i want to do in life#im tyling this while dramatically crying in the guest room in the dark so at least i look cool haha#the more things change the more they stay the same#im still that convoluted def slightly depressed young adult#except now im nearing the 30s already#boyyy following an 'unconventional life path' sure is fun!#especially when youre only doing that bc you feel like dying thinking of anything else 👍#again#cant help being a cancer 👍#domi talks
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Every once in a billion years I suddenly get very lucky and pick up one band merch delivery on one day, and then get another band merch delivery from another band on the very next day
#let's fucking gooooooo#once i'm less preoccupied with this art challenge#(((((that is starting to make less and less sense to keep going with day by day#but i guess i'm going to continue with it anyway more out of stubbornness than anything else#and it would be lame to stop now when i alredy have most of the ideas ready in some form#and the means to finish all this stuff as long as i stop being annoying about it and overthinking everything#and because i can only feel semi-normal when i don't feel like i'm wasting my life away and i'm instead making any sort of thing#since literally nothing else is helping me feel not awful at this point#it'll be fine as long as i don't think about it and instead devote as much time as possible to another thing. anyway !!!!!!!!!)))))#i'm going to have so much fun with the self-titled tmbg album puzzle#literally perfect album cover picture for a puzzle i'm so glad this got made#and i loooove the propaganda t-shirt!! :3#i'm already assembling my london trip wardrobe and it's going to be most of the t-shirts being band t-shirts at this rate#maybe i should really turn that 'born to die' drawing into a t-shirt too. perfect time to do that#goosepost
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feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair
#purrs#delete later#basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize#evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of#it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like..#feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being#quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and#wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke.#i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be#this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about#myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what#happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome#this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music +#realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal#anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️#at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is#just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳#this is a really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already
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See like the only reason I think the others seriously believed Curly may have crashed the ship is cause he basically had a 30 Rock "I lie to myself" momentary breakdown in front of them after one too many mocktails and like completely forgot about it.
#gee cap how do you handle all the responsibilty and stress of running such a fragile ship and crew? and Curly is gripping their shoulder#hard as hell cause hes not but he lies to himself and pushes it deep down until its buried.#him and daisuke are hanging on by a thread cause no way Daisuke isnt thinking in the back of his mind#���like omg why are you all so negative all the freakin time” and Curly is just listening to Daisuke breaking another pipe Swansea being rude#Jimmy being Jimmy and worrying about Anya like yeah i need more pre crash Jimmy being like what if I ended it just once or like tweaking ou#in his room in private like shutting the door screaming and then being like I will take responsibility for my crew *eye twitch*#also personal thought is he was also depressed and suicidal but in the way he really doesnt care what happens to him as long as everyone#else was fine like he wanted more in his life but he was also willing to let it pass him by as he laments how he felt he wasnt living for#anything and how it was affecting him before Jimmy shut him down#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing curly#captain curly#like pls i need to see more jaded curly like only Daisuke is truly hopeful and its literally because he would've lost nothing at the end of#the trip and hes like a college second semester freshman or whatever#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing spoilers
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i hate one particular post on ogata that i won't quote
#he's not a psychopath#he's just so fucking lost in the sauce that the moment he connects all the dots on yuusaku he connects the bullet with his brain#i've never felt intense guilt and/or regret in my life and as far as i can think i'm going to kill myself if i will#of course he didn't understand he felt guilt because it's not like that kind of thing is on the surface when you never think about it#tldr ogata's so literally me (both autistic and severely emotionally underdeveloped) it hurts to read any other opinion#btw u reflect basically because you have nothing else 2do and ogata is either busy or guilt tripping through heavy hallucinations#nerd emoji anyways
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YOU GUYS
IM GOING ABSOLUTELY FERAL AB THIS PIKMIN AU I FOUND
ITS LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST FICS IVE EVER READ LIKE TOU DONT UNDERSTAND IM SCREAMINF. RYING THROWINF UP SHAKING THROWINF MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW AAJSJXJSJSHFHDHHWJF ITS SO GOOD I CRIED I LAUGHED I FELT GENUINE EMOTION OVER A RANDOM AU I FOUND AT LIKE ONE AM
ITS LIKE 90 SOMETHING THOUSAND WORDS I SIMPLY *aADORE*
ITS A LITERAL MASTERPIECE OMFG
#so yeah I like this a normal amount#pikmin#fanfiction#fanfic#I love you so much grubdog on ao3#anyways I’m going to go reread it bc I literally have nothing else happening in my life#and k still have 2 and a half hours left in this endless car trip
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me: *constantly daydreams about moving out of my hometown and restarting my entire life somewhere that I actually want to live*
#Words#Personal#Yeah I can finally admit that post grad depression is here lol#Don't get me wrong I don't miss school at all#Like fuck my entire schooling I wish I had done something else#But now that it's over I can quite literally feel myself wanting to develop myself and have new experiences#The main one being moving out of state#I try to go out and hang out with people and go on walks and all of that#And it feels nice momentarily but then the boredom and monotony sets in again#I literally have nothing keeping me here anymore now that schools over#Sadly the places I want to live are expensive#So idk maybe once I get my passport I'll just book a trip somewhere because I really do feel myself going insane#Post grad problems#Post grad depression#Post grad life
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The Erin’s with PO3 and the fire scene
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bda634ef8406dccf1f483a3684d80a0a/0a5009670cf8d348-e1/s540x810/6db0f732f4bbc06dc73020e933d10c1891b50bec.jpg)
me as a writer
#warrior cats#power of three#THEY JUST SHOVED A MOUNTAIN TRIP AND SOL IN THERE#the arcs de escalation is ehh like#ITS LIKE A SLICE OF LIFE THING DUDE#they just#forget about the prophecy entirely untill oots#Jayf or someone idk: hey chat i think i might be in a prophecy#every one else: Omg your so special!! *forgets*#THERES LIKE NO MAIN CONFLICT#actually no it’s the leaf pool kits thing#BUT NOTHING TO USE THE POWERS FOR#ITS LIKE A SOAP OPERA
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i completely and absolutely hallucinated the last time i read firestar apparently bc i was ten thousand percent sure russ shot beargstrom at the end. i thought that man was so dead. so imagine my surprise rereading tfe properly rn.
(i was already too confused by whos who irt the bears last time anyway so if anything its making me feel LESS stupid that i just misread a paragraph and fucked up the entire plotline for myself <- it will happen again)
consider this a public acknowledgment that it turns out idk what the hell is happening in these books, soz <3 i will continue to lie by accident and make shit up 🥰
#rangnar rambles#if you ever read a matt ragnars tooth tag about how Mysterious bergstrom is and how little happened with him just know: i forgor#tbf he doesnt do MUCH more than i misremembered. i still dont know what his deal is. but in the intended way now <3#anyways my tragic old man yaoi just got less tragic and tbh i preferred it when i thought they killed eachother /j#turns out. if you read carefully#the plot makes sense.#this is not foolproof (good god it is Not foolproof) alas. it does help to not devour seven books in a weekend#relatedly i read fireworld way too young and had reocurring dreams about it that i then was very confused about on my initial reread#(i was 8 when that thang came out. didnt read the book properly again for 12 years. Bewildered and appauled that lucy was not locked#in a tower and tam was a full knight in real armour </3)#everyone was stuck in a like. roman bath ruin. and also were sometimes statues. could not tell you what i thought was happening#could tell you i was entranced by the weeping angels dw episode and live near roman bath ruins. and have arthurian autism#you know what. embarrasingly i know exactly why i misread this bit of firestar. its bc i was so stressed out (from the books tension.#nothing else in my new adult life i was living) that i was blitzing through the last third#the tension worked on me so well i made up a character death. and then confirmed it for myself bc if davids not safe#why the hell would bergstrom be <- not flawed logic persay. still stupid#and i know this bc it happened AGAIN#i am not immune to the emotional impacts of firestar...#i can look at it and go 'hmm this structure is maybe a bit rushed and idk that it was a good idea to introduce huge changes/characters#in the last 100 pages' but it is also my favourite in the series for those exact reasons. i love a book that makes me sprint and trip on my#face. i love not knowing what the fuck is happening at any point in time#i loved when i thought bergstrom and russ were in love and russ killed him in an act of mercy he didnt know he was committing 😔but ill LIVE#I GUESS. if i MUST#in all ramble posts i hit a point of 'thats too many tags. into the drafts of shame it goes!'. and then keep talking anyway#and eventually hit 'this is absurdly too many tags. PERFECT.' guess where we are
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