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moonlightflowerss · 1 year ago

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you can call it as it is|j.yh

summary: You and Yunho are the designated drivers for a night out with your friends

pairing: Jeong Yunho x gn reader

word count: 4k

genre: friends to lovers, slice of life, fluff

contents: mention of smoking, mutual pining, reader is very afraid of romantic feelings, Yunho is sickeningly sweet (let me know if I missed something), one of your friends is in a polyamorous relationship with woosan

a/n: This is wayyyy longer than my usual works but I felt shitty and needed some comfort. Also, I'm sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language 🥹.

You love your friends, you really do.

But sometimes you really wish they were a little less noisy as soon some alcohol got into their systems.

It's twelve of you inside the karaoke room, all jamming and vibing to the songs playing.

And out of all of these people, just you and Yunho are completely sober as good designated drivers should be.

You have known this group for just a few months. You wouldn't say you're super close yet, but you really enjoy their company and you can really see yoirslef growing very close with them, plus one of your friend (the one that introduced your group to theirs) is in a lovey-dovey relationship with two of them so you know you find your group hanging out with theirs almost every time you go out and you will for quite some time. So you just feel lucky that they're all people you feel comfortable around and have fun with for now.

When someone in the group chat asked to do something tonight, you were pretty sure it would've been something not too crazy, just a chill night out with your friends.

Everything took a turn when you proposed for everyone to come over to your place since you were alone.

From the table games night you imagined, it became the "let's get shitface drunk and get home when the sun rises".

It was quite a turn of events but you didn't really mind it, you are enjoying yourself and so are your friends. Clearly.

Most of them are singing and dancing like their life depended on it while others were eating each other's faces out.

You get out of the cramped space for just a second to have a breathe and get a bottle of water before going back in and facing an inner crisis that you knew from the start would've happened sooner or later.

Out of all the sofas, going almost all the way around the room, the only available seats were either sides of Yunho.

He is the only other sober person in the room. You knew you had to talk with him at some point, but you just wanted to postpone it as long as you could.

It's not that you don't like him.

Actually, the problem is the exact opposite.

You aren't a very smooth talker to start with.

Entertaining any kind of conversation for you is a whole, complicated task. More so if you're completely sober and you have a (not so) small crush on your interlocutor.

You close the door behind you and make eye contact with him while moving towards the seat beside his and he just gives you a kind smile following your movements until you're sitting beside him, making a little bit more room for you to sit comfortably.

《how's your night going? everything okay?》he asks as soon as you settle on the soft cushions, leaning away from the back rest and slightly towards you to make sure you hear him over the noises

《yeah, I'm having a lot of fun, but sometimes I really need to get a little bit of fresh air from outside》 you answer honestly, chuckling lightly for reasons unknown even to you

《yes, it's very warm》 he just states, nodding and dropping back against the backrest. You understand that this is your cue to either drop the conversation or to make it continue.

You lean against the backrest just a few seconds after him, gaining another small smile from his lips.

《how is your night going? are you enjoying being the designated driver?》 you ask, ironically, making him laugh

《I don't think I remember how it feels going out and not be the designated driver》 he states with faux annoyance on his face before smiling brightly 《joking, I enjoy it very much and the night is going very well. Also, for once, I have someone not drunk to talk to, so...》 he laughs lightly and you with him, internally panicking, feeling every idea you had to continue the conversion, die in the back of your mind.

But Yunho quickly puts a remedy to that by looking at the time on his phone.

《it's quite late, whenever you want to go we can. Don't feel pressured to really wait until the sun rises just because Wooyoung proposed it》 he chuckles, and you shake your head amused

《I don't think he remembers what he said anyway》 you state, eyeing wooyoung sipping his nth glass of wine, struggling to even keep his spine straight and still.

You and Yunho laugh at the scene, shaking your heads.

《anyway, i think i can handle a little more before going home. But if you want to go, we can》 you give him a timid smile, suddenly aware of how close you two are.

He gives another smile back and nods 《I'd say we should take another ten minutes to relax, and then we will think on how to drag all of them into the cars》 he chuckles, making you nod

《I'm going out to smoke a cigarette, wanna keep me company?》 the words leave your mouth before you can think about them throughly, making yourself blush.

Luckily, he can't see it because the room is dark, green and blue lights are the only source of illumination in the room. But you can feel it very clearly, and it gets even worse when he just nods and gets up, stretching a hand out to help you.

You grab it more shyly than you wanted to show, letting him help you to get on your high heels.

Your hands and your eye contact linger a little more than what you would expect from the situation before you turn to collect your jacket and quickly put it on.

《let's go》 you give him a quick smile before moving to go outside.

Once you are finally met with the cold air of the night, you take a deep breath, leaning against a wall.

Yunho is settling against the car in front of you, looking at you attentively.

《you think they'll survive without both of us?》 you ask to break the ice, laughing more than you normally would; but the way he's looking at you is making you feel so tense it's nerve-wracking

《they'll find a way, i really needed the fresh air》 he answers, chuckling before resuming his staring.

He's not a creep, you don't feel in danger or uneasy, but you're anxious because you have no idea of what he's thinking, and you know he's thinking something very intently just by the way he's looking up an down your every inch with a concentrated face.

You keep your eyes on your hands, scrambling to gather everything you need to roll yourself a cigarette.

《everything okay?》 you ask, breaking the silence, refusing to look at his face.

You can still imagine his cheeks are now red from the way your peripheral vision catches him squirming uncomfortably like a kid that is being scolded.

《I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare》 he clears his throat 《I haven't really got a chance to be around you a lot even if our groups hang out frequently so, you know, I was collecting facts about you?》 he says questioningly before shaking his head 《I have no idea what I just said I'm sorry》 he's blushing and looking away from you while laughing nervously and you can't help but find him so cute it makes you want to punch him.

You know it's your fault that you two never really get around each other a lot.

To be clear: you adore the man.

Everything about him is mesmerizing to you, and that is terrifying.

And, as much as you wanted to, nothing seemed convincing enough for you to make a move. Not even your friends telling you that he likes you back a hundred times.

You just couldn't wrap your head around it, so you just decided that it was an absurd impression they got.

All of these things together resulted in avoiding alone time with him as a way to cope with your crush, fearing that your fluttering heart might betray the chill and uninterested appearance you were trying so hard to build.

You laugh, blushing as much as him, waiting a few seconds before speaking again 《and you found something interesting?》 you have no idea what to give the blame for this uncharacteristic forwardness.

He's taken aback as much as you, and you can't bring yourself to hold eye contact for more than three seconds, looking away and finishing to roll your cigarette so you can finally light it.

《not sure I want to share my observations with you》 he tries to contain his laugh behind an ironic intellectual tone

《what? but now I'm curious》 you complain

《you can survive, darling》 he smirks, his voice gaining confidence by the second.

You shake your head in fake annoyance, the pet name making you way more weak than you would like to admit.

A nice silence settles between you two, just enjoying the quiet and the breeze of the night.

In between the drags of your cigarette, you are looking around, trying not to stare at the tall man in front of you for too long.

But your attention is caught when you see him stare somewhere above you, following his gaze and catching a speck of the moon.

Delicately, you move beside him to be able to see its entirety and relish the view.

You make your shoulders accidentally touch, but he doesn't move, so neither do you.

《it looks amazing》 he comments, and you just make a noise of assent, so fascinated you can't take the eyes off of it.

But now you can feel he's looking at you, staring at your loving expression and following the movements of your hand moving the cigarette towards and away from your mouth.

Your skin shivers with anticipation, feeling like you're in a movie.

Both of you are moving ever so slowly towards each other.

His hand touches you with a delicacy you didn't think any human could have, and tucks some hair behind your ear, looking intently at what he's doing.

You can't help but look at him, if it was a movie you would've said that it was a cliche, the two protagonists don't even know each other that well and are already acting like they are the loves of each other's lives? Cringe and unrealistic.

But now you can't put together a sigle thought, only wishing he won't leave you hanging like they do in movies.

《I like the way you look at the moon》 it's a little more than a whisper, his fingers lingering behind your ear, playing gently with your hair

《I love the moon, it fascinates me like just a few other things in this world do》 you explain, your cigarette forgot between your fingers

《what are these other few things?》 he asks curiously, you think you see a glint of hope in his eyes, but maybe you're just feeding into your delusions

《I'm not sure I want to share that with you》 you repeat his words back to him, laughing and leaning slightly in his touch.

He opens his hand, giving you the chance to rest your cheek comfortably against his palm. So you tilt your head further against him.

《devious little thing you are》 he says with a little smile, his kind and warm tone in contrast with his words.

You can feel his fingers curling against your scalp, caressing it, always with the same delicacy.

《finish your cigarette so we can go home》 he says, kindly, gently stroking your cheekbone with his thumb a couple more times before moving away his hand.

There is a little disappointment settling inside your chest, but you just nod and resume your smoking.

《your hair is even softer than what i thought》 he states, his hand finding again purchase in between the strands of hair on the nape of your neck, caressing it gently

《you think about my hair a lot?》 you ask, mischievous, adoring his embarrassed reactions and his slightly flushed cheeks

《you mock me a lot for someone who can't concentrate enough to smoke as soon as i touch you》 he bites back, making your cheeks flush as much as his.

You feel like two teens trying to cope with their first crush, resorting to sneering and teasing each other.

You roll your eyes, making a display of an annoyance you don't really feel before resuming, once again, your smoke.

It doesn't take you long before you are forced to pull apart from Yunho to throw the cigarette stub in the trash and looking back at him.

《let's go call them》 you announce, tiredness seeping from your voice.

He nods and follows right behind you up until the door for the karaoke room

《take your things, I'll convince them to leave》 he smiles kindly before going in.

After quickly checking in with the barman that everything got paid for, you followed Yunho, gathering your bag and some of your friends.

It takes quite a struggle to make everybody get out of the pub and inside the car, but once you're finally done, you and Yunho smile at each other.

《I'll be behind you》 he states

《if you can keep up》 you tease, and he gives you a quick chuckle before looking at you apprehensively

《don't speed》

《damn, dad, okay》 you roll your eyes before laughing and getting into the car.

Both you and Yunho know that you are not the type to drive too fast, especially with people with you, but he likes to show that he cares and you like to feel when people care about you.

The ride to your home is quicker and quieter than you anticipated.

You throw a glance at the clock of your car noting it's past 4 in the morning so you imagine the euphoria your friends were feeling, given by the alcohol, now must be starting to be replaced by tiredness and you really enjoy the relaxed mood in your car.

Once you finally park it takes another few minutes to get everybody out of the cars, specially out of Yuno's since the 2 supplemental seats in the back required some mobility that your friends really don't have right now.

Regardless, everybody is finally home, and since the majority of the beds are upstairs most of your friends decide to just crush on the sofa or on the ground heedless of your and Yunho's effort to put them in a slightly more comfortable place.

So you just looked at each other and shrugged.

He smiles at you and, once again, tucks the same strand of hair behind your ear.

《let's go to sleep》 he suggests and although you feel tired you don't feel sleepy, but most of all now that you finally mustered up the courage to be alone with him you don't want to let it go just yet

《do you want a cup of tea?》 that's all that came to mind to try and stay in Yunho's company a little more.

He smiles sincerely and nods.

You give his hand, still beside your face, a gentle squeeze before going to prepare the teas as quietly as possible since everybody seemed knocked out.

Handing him his cup once it was done you get close to him 《it's better if we go upstairs, so we can leave them rest》 you whisper and, again, he nods and follows you.

《this is my room》 you say, opening the door.

You fear for a second that he might misunderstand your intention so you just stand still on the door, waiting for him to do something.

And he doesn't take long at all, getting into your room and sitting on the office chair comfortably.

《it's very nice》 he says kindly, spinning around the chair while looking around

《thanks, it took me a lot to finally find a place for everything that actually satisfied me》 you explain before sipping your tea

《I think the room tells a lot about the person》

《and what does it say about me?》 you ask, sincerely curios, but it takes one glance from Yunho to roll your eyes 《don't even try to say that you don't want to tell me》 you ironically scold him and he laughs

《you can't force me to say this》 he teases and you roll your eyes again.

And you keep shifting around teasing and getting to know each other, back and forth. Basking yourselves in the heart fluttering feeling you both have.

Soon enough both your cups are empty and both of you get relaxed, you on the bed and him still on the chair. Much so that you fall asleep without even fully realizing it.

In fact, you wake up an unknown amount of time later, shivering. The sun starting to slowly light up the sky.

You are in the same position in which you were talking with Yunho: laying on your side at the bottom of your bed to be close enough to the tall man.

He, just as you, is in the same position in which he was talking to you: on the chair, legs slightly spread and his arms crossed over his chest.

What is different was his clothing. In fact, the hoodie he was wearing all night is not around his fit torso anymore, but lovely spread over your curled body like a blanket.

You took a second to stretch your legs and spine before looking at Yunho.

His relaxed face is a delight to see, waking him feels almost criminal.

But you reason that he probably isn't that comfortable on the chair, plus he must be cold since he's just in a tight black t-shirt.

Your hand pats lightly his thigh, then his arms a little harder, then caresses his cheek until he finally regains consciousness.

《sorry to wake you, do you want to go to bed?》 you whisper.

He barely opens his eyes, putting a hand over yours.

《I'd love to sleep with you if it's okay for you》 he mumbles, still clearly groggy, before kissing your palm and closing his eyes back again, pressing his cheek against your hand.

You chuckle, it's not what you asked but you're glad he misinterpreted.

《come on, then》 you whispered again, soliciting him to get up by using your free hand to pat his thigh.

He sighs and stretches before coming into the bed quickly followed by you.

Now that you're so close, you feel sleepiness leave your body immediately. Forcing yourself to close your eyes trying not to disturb Yunho.

After just a few second his fingertips graze over your cheek and your eyes automatically open to meet his.

《do you have something I can wear as pants, sleeping with jeans is really uncomfortable》he whispers laughing quietly. You nod and move to give him a pair of unisex, oversized sweatpants hoping they will fit.

He thanks you and goes to the bathroom to change and so do you in your room, slipping into a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt.

Reality is: you're panicking. You're afraid you are the only one feeling what you're feeling and now he feels uneasy, looking for an excuse to put some distance in between you two.

When he comes back you're zoning out on the bed, sitting and staring into the void.

His gentle touch against your cheek snaps you out of it, making you instinctively turn to meet his gaze.

《they're a little short but I'll be fine》 he comments, amused by the lenght of the sweats 《now let's go to sleep》 he suggests getting back into bed and silently suggesting you to come closer by caressing your arm and then your back.

You stay still for a few seconds, taking in the idea that he was not trying to get away from you. Quite the opposite actually.

Before he could worry you complied, scooting closer into his chest and starting to play with his hair.

《what's on your mind?》 he asks whispering, his lips kissing softly your forehead.

You rise your head to meet his eyes.

His soft gaze making a small smile form on your face.

《nothing... it's nice being like this》 you whisper back, hoping you're not as flushed as you think

《I thought you would avoid me forever》 he chuckles

《what? I wasn't avoiding you》 you were

《you were》 he repeats your thought before bringing his face closer to yours, your heart almost bursting out your chest 《but it's fine because now I know why you were doing it》

《and why is that?》

《because you're head over heels for me》 he states, chuckling, trying to mask the fear to be wrong although you can still read it in his eyes

《head over heels is a bit too much》 you mock annoyance in your voice, your smile giving you away

《that's a shame because I am》 he's back to his soft, delicate whispering.

His eyes looking at you in anticipation, hoping he didn't say too much.

You don't even think about it, moving forward until your lips finally collide.

You feel him smile against you, holding you close to his chest, squeezing the fabric of your shirt in between his fingers almost like to stop you from slipping away.

You hold him too. Never in a million years even thinking about leaving now that you're finally here.

And you don't know how long you have been kissing when he delicately moves his face away.

《how much more time you wanted to gatekeep from me these kissing skills?》 he chuckles, grazing a thumb over your lips.

You burst out laughing, struggling to keep quiet and put your embarassed face back against his long neck 《go to sleep, dumbass》

《will you give me classes?》 he jokes, clearly amused by you embarassed face, trying to pull you from where you're hiding; but you're quick to turn over giving him your back and conceal your face with your hands

《shut up》 you laugh again

《alright, okay, I'll give you time to think about it》 he concedes, laughing in return.

He tightens his arms around you, pressing your back against his chest, before gently taking your hands off your face and intertwine his fingers with yours.

《good night, baby》 you feel him lever himself to be able to kiss delicately your cheek.

You smile and squeeze his hand closer to your body 《good night》 you say simply and close your eyes.

After just a few seconds, Yunho is hoisting himself back up, and you feel him look at you, so you open back your eyes to look at him.

《what’s wrong?》

《I can’t sleep》

《you didn’t even try》

《I did, I can’t》 the dramatic tone he is using it’s making it very hard for you to play along without burst out laughing

《I feel like you’re about to ask me something》

《not my fault if I’m sure that making out with you would help me》

And, laughing, you gladly comply.

You couldn’t say no, and you wouldn’t anyway.

But eventually, sleep got the best of the both of you.

Your bodies still tangled together, and his head is still on your chest when your sleep gets interrupted by some noises out your door and Yunho’s phone vibrating beside him.

《Yunho, wake up》 you stroke his hair, making him curl further against you

《unless someone’s dying, I don’t wanna wake up》 he mumbles, making you chuckle

《yeah I wanna go check if someone’s dying. Also, someone’s calling you》

He grunts and shuffles to find his phone before looking back at you, already out of the bed 《please be quick, I really want to go back to sleep》 he whines before calling whoever it was.

Venturing outside your room, you find your best friend with her face shoved in the toilet and one of her two boyfriends, Wooyoung, holding back her hair.

《you need help?》

《oh no, thank you, San went to get her some water. Sorry for waking you up》 he answers, smiling brightly like nothing’s wrong

《oh no worries, just tell me if you need something, okay?》 you smile back, and he nods before smirking

《you sure you don’t have anything to tell me?》 his eyebrows going up and down

《check your girlfriend’s well-being, Wooyo》 you scoff laughing before leaving the bathroom and going back to your room.

Yunho is lying on his back, an arm covering his eyes, and his hair splayed on the pillow.

《who was on the phone?》 you ask softly, to not startle him

《Hongjoong, but you’ll know as soon as you meet him》 he shakes his head amused, and you look at him questioningly, getting back in bed beside him

《what do you mean?》

《he came in earlier to check if there was an empty bed and saw us sleep together, and now he wants to know every detail》 he explains, his voice somewhere in between exhausted and amused.

It’s gonna be a long day.

The thought makes a small smile come up on your face and sigh.

《what?》 his curious eyes find yours

《nothing, I’ve seen Hongjoong question Yeosang when he wanted him to spill the tea about the chick he kissed in the pub the night before, so I was imagining how he will be with us》

《and what are you imagining you’ll say, then?》 he asks, hovering on top of you.

His head is tilted, fingers delicately grazing over your cheek and his eyes light up with a sparkle of hope, you think.

You love how he’s constantly wearing his heart on his sleeve and that’s also what kept you from get to close to him before yesterday night.

You’re terrified at the idea of seeing that spark die out because of you.

《what are you thinking?》 his gentle tone snaps you out of your swirling thoughts

《I am afraid I’ll give the wrong answer》 you admit, your voice quieter than what you anticipated

《just say what you’re thinking. If you’re feeling it, it can’t be wrong》 he comforted you, sitting up and pulling you gently to sit up with him

《I don’t want you to feel obligated, I fear I’m moving too fast》

《baby, just say it, I can take it》 he smiles, cupping your face with both his hands

《maybe we should, I don’t know, start to… seeing each other I guess, maybe?》 you ask, you feel so anxious it makes you mad

《that’s disappointing, I thought you were about to ask me to marry you》 he mocks you, making you blush

《shut up》 a chuckle betraying you, your eyes avoiding his and your cheeks on fire

《how am I supposed to know? Maybe you wanted a kid, your premises were vague》 he laughed, starting to press pecks all over your flushed face, hovering over your lips before speaking again 《not sure I want a child yet, but for sure I want to date, you can call it as it is》 he mocks before kissing you tenderly.

All of your negative thoughts immediately leaving your head, silently promising yourself you’ll do everything to keep this giant, amazing man and his spark safe.

#yunho #jeong yunho #yunho ateez #yunho fanfic #yunho fluff #yunho fic #yunho x you #yunho x y/n #yunho x reader #ateez fic #ateez yunho

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ofdarkestdesires · 1 year ago

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Alright! So, now that we have the full line-up of the Level 10 Bell’s Hells artwork, I think it’s about time I sat down and gave my personal opinions that nobody asked for about everyone’s styles.

Chetney Pock'o'pea

While I appreciate the more active pose and visible armor as opposed to his more unassuming original design, I am very off-put that he completely abandoned his original color scheme and all shreds of his original aesthetic. I also think the tracksuit is a bit much—listen, I’m a fan of toeing the line of what fashion belongs in a fantasy setting, but I’m pretty sure this fully vaulted over the it and did a full backflip and three-point landing into ridiculous. 3/10

And unfortunately, the same must be said for his Lycan form. This artwork feels like a serious downgrade from the original Chetwolf, which honestly filled me with a shock of horror each time he popped up. The only reason it is higher than base-Chet is that Chetwolf is still a werewolf, and werewolves are badass. 4/10

Laudna

Laudna, on the otherhand, is a total glow-up from her original design. Everything about her design ties together and brings in perfectly her aesthetic and backstory, from the haunting tree embroidery on her dress (akin to the Sun Tree she was hung from) to the little Pate birdhouse backpack (an homage to the Baba Yaga forest witch imagery she picked up), all the while looking so much like the elegant and imposing Delilah Briarwood. Easy 10/10 for me.

Fresh Cut Grass (F.C.G.)

F.C.G.'s new art...isn't bad, but I'm not as wowed by it as some others on this list. Something has clearly changed here in the choice to include his new blue jacket, and I approve! I'm also a fan of the wires having more definition and appearing more purposefully stylized, as if he's taking better care of himself...but the pose and the style just feel a bit lacking to me. 5/10

Fearne Calloway

Honestly, my only gripe with this outfit is the upper-half of her bustier. It feels very cluttered and like there is a lot of fine detail that just ends up being all meshed together. That would be my other only other gripe, too—there's a lot of small, fine details here that makes her feel cluttered. Which, honestly, fits her as the sneaky little hoarder that she is! But yeah, I would've done something else, something cleaner, with the upper half of her bodice. Also, while I know she is a Druid, I don't think she needs the plant growth on her legs... 8/10

Imogen Temult

I would just like to point out that this outfit was unveiled to us as Imogen's choice for winter-wear while traveling through the Crystal Sands Tundra. Is it sexy? Definitely. Is it my personal taste? Mm, not really, but I can see the appeal. Am I upset that even after the semi-canonization of her needing glasses, this bitch is still not a sexy glasses-wearing nerd? Absolutely—but the biggest sin this outfit does is fail to be climate-accurate. -1/10 for improper environment protection, and 7/10 for the outfit itself.

Orym, Savior Blade of the Tempest

I am incredibly torn here. Because, when it comes down to the armor itself, this is a clear winner. Orym's new uniform is a perfect upgrade from his original more humble and simple apparel, becoming much more about function and protection, while still retaining his svelte and limber appearance. The noted upgrade to Seedling is also nice, though I wish it was a bit more pronounced. What pulls me back from really loving this design, though, is his proportions—I feel like his head is way too big, or his limbs are way too skinny. Over all, I have to give this an 8/10.

Ashton Greymoore

Remember at the start how I said I'm all for toeing the line of what fashion belongs in fantasy settings? Yeah, this fucks! From the first episode, we knew that Ashton was a punk, and this just picks that up and runs with it in such a cool, fun way. I legitimately want this entire outfit—fuck cosplay, I'd just wear this irl! It leans enough on his old design to be recognizable, but pops out as truly his own. And the hammer looks wild—I can't wait to see that thing really pop off like crazy in the next fight. Definitely a 10/10 from me!

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fountainpenguin · 3 months ago

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Riddle watches New Wish - Post #1

- Ready to listen to what (I can only assume) is a brand new theme song, and check out the animation style for the first time since a glimpse in the first trailer.

- I should also mention I haven't read any of the synopses for episodes or even for the show itself. My understanding is that this is set in the future, in a non-Dimmsdale city, and rumor has it there's time travel in here somewhere?

- I also saw an early story bible glimpse of some kid who does ASMR, and that's about the end of my knowledge. I'm very nervous about that one because the description I saw for him did not set me up with the belief the writers knew what they were implying.

- Looks like this is a double-part first episode, so I might stop after watching this one today.

- The new animation style SHOULD mean new background characters. However, if I see Steve time-traveling for the second time, with or without the rest of his clones, you WILL know, and I will NOT be happy.

OKAY! Let's start this theme song.

---

Dimmadelphia? Got it, okay. Literally the first thing you see when starting the theme and honestly, that's really smart.

I had to rewind, that tower in the background... oh no.

I like how "pop"-y the city is as it appears. This is fun.

This city is super pretty. It's got storefronts and stuff? This is gonna be a fun place to set fanfics.

Ya Boix drinks? Oh, thank goodness we're getting in-universe products again. If this turns out to be a plot point because it comes from a magical business and it's foreshadowed within the first 2 seconds of the theme, I'm gonna lose my mind.

!!!!! It starts with a car drive and her name? Like Timmy's theme starts with the bus and his name? Love that.

!!! The fire hydrant!! All the details are so cute. A lot of love went into this.

Her whole life changed with a... bet quite strange? Bed?

Oh, this is a BEAUTIFUL callback.

I'm glad he's a dork, look at him...

??? Fish guy? Hazel, what? What is this? Is this where your imagination just went, or is this a reoccurring character from a comic book? ... Hmm. That's a wild design to throw at you with bright colors and no context.

PENNY-FARTHING DIRT BIKE??? I like this kid.

Okay, I love that theme. We're set up nicely with a nice, friendly callback to the old show and an implication that it is remembered and it is loved.

lol, no more head gags. I cannot blame them even slightly.

Theme done and here we go~!

(Oh, Hazel doesn't have a blog tag yet. I call Timmy #perfect pink beaver boy and Chloe #rebellious golden child. I'd like to give her a funky one too. I'll leave her alone for now and come back and tag her when I have something suitable)

#Riddle watches FOP #New Wish spoilers #Dragonfly parents #FAIRIES!#screenshots #Pending Hazel tag

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hood-ex · 10 months ago

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Finally finished all of Voltron. Some thoughts:

The last seasons actually weren't as bad as I thought they'd be based on what I heard. I mean, yeah the Lance/Allura ship was unnecessary, and yeah the final episode wasn't super satisfying or good lmao, but all in all, the plot still kept me invested. Only time I felt truly bored was during those god awful filler episodes. Genuinely only liked one filler episode which was the carnival one where Shiro was arm wrestling people.

Wish Shiro had a heavier presence in the show after he got his conscience shifted into the clone body, but at the same time, it was cool to see him captain Atlas. I was so glad they at least included him in the final battle with Honerva.

Lance and Hunk definitely felt like they took more of a backseat in the character focus department. Like yeah, they had arcs of sorts though not super obvious ones imo. Lance was a big flirt who could be cocky, and he matured and became a reliable second hand. Hunk ended up showing more courage and willingness to bring people together, and he did have a passion for food, so I like that he had least had a hobby/passion of sorts. I just feel like I didn't really know them quite as well as the other paladins, Lance especially. I'm honestly very surprised Lance didn't get more focus as say Shiro or Keith. He seems like the type of character to have a bigger focus.

My main beef with Shiro is that he didn't really have any flaws over the course of the show. He was always the loyal and caring leader. Of course, we got to see him lose his patience with Slav which was really fun. Other than that... he was almost just like... too nice. Too perfect. The change for his character mostly happened through life events. I think if they had fleshed out that side of Shiro more, Shiro would've been my favorite character.

It wasn't until maybe Season 3 or so that I finally got over the fact that the paladins were flying lions around. I'm sorry but I thought flying lions were so lame when I first started watching it. These are supposed to be made by King Alfor, an Altean, so why did he choose an Earth animal as the design for Voltron? Like huh? Allura and Coran didn't even know what a cow was, how did they know what a lion was alkdjsa. Whatever, I got over it eventually. (Edit: I just remembered that the white lion is a thing that exists and that Alfor knew about it sooo I suppose he got inspo from that).

"Form Voltron!" and then the long ass sequence of all the lions forming together. I got so sick of seeing that every single episode. Voltron actually would've been cooler had the paladins only transformed into it like once or twice every season rather than every episode. Like only bring Voltron out for the biggest baddies. I found it so much more fun when the paladins all fought separately. And a lot of the time, the paladins had to end up dissolving Voltron to win a fight so like??

Black lion my beloathed, red lion my beloved. Nah idc, I have beef with the black lion. The red lion was by far my favorite lion, but I liked it more when Keith was with the red lion. Feels like they could've done more with the red lion as well with it being the fastest and all.

The Blade of Marmora was cooler than Voltron to me. All their fight sequences were sick. Also, Keith looked so good in that uniform, hello. I definitely enjoyed the hand-to-hand combat in this show possibly more than I enjoyed the lion fights.

Lotor/Allura was the only ship I enjoyed until Lotor went off the rails. Idc, Lotor was a fun character with an interesting backstory. It's too bad his character arc had to go the way that it did. Also not totally opposed to how it ended up though.

Matt gave me the ick as soon as he started fawning over Allura in an obnoxious way. Felt kinda ooc for him as well. But after that was over with, I enjoyed him well enough. That one episode where Pidge went to the memorial planet with all the graves... that was heavy as hell. Kinda wish Matt actually had died for the full weight of that episode to hit bc that was such an intense moment.

Loved how Pidge was shown to do basically anything to get cool video games in some episodes lmao. I also thought it was interesting how she was the most tech savvy of the team, but she formed a connection with the natural world, as did her lion.

The first 2 seasons were definitely funnier than the rest. The first season had me laughing at least once every episode. The jokes tapered off later on, which I suppose makes sense bc the plots got heavier.

Loved the Hunk and Shay relationship. Balmerans were pretty cool in general.

Tbh, I didn't really care that Shiro's boyfriend died because we only saw him in a short flashback. I do think they should've given Shiro a longer or better reaction to finding out that his boyfriend died though. Also, speaking of Shiro and men, it was so fruity how the last scene of the entire show was Shiro kissing his husband. Voltron said gay rights for space dads.

Kosmo was cool, and I especially liked how he was Nightwing color coded. Plus teleportation powers?? Nice.

Keith and Shiro's bond was really touching. I just wish they would've divulged their shared backstory together earlier on in the series to help me understand why Keith had so much respect and loyalty to Shiro from the jump. That goes for a lot of the paladins, actually. A lot of their backstory info should've been released earlier on in the series instead of shoved into the last few seasons. The only ones who didn't suffer from this were Pidge and Allura.

Some seasons were only 6-7 episodes which was wack.

Keith definitely had some good moments giving advice to Lance or Hunk. He had a pretty satisfying arc overall. Well, out of all the other characters anyway. He's gotta be my favorite character in the show. He had flaws that he worked through, and he came out as a strong leader. I also can't forget how he and the Blade of Marmora planted bombs to destroy the Galras in line to rule the Galra empire, but when Keith realized Shiro was with the Galras, he immediately raced back to deactivate the bombs. We love a loyal man who will do anything for his brother.

Shiro took on a lot of damage and trauma that just wasn't addressed in any satisfying way, especially in regard to his arm. He did make one sarcastic remark to Lance about how he wasn't in tip top shape because he got his arm cut off/his conscience moved into a clone body. Wish they would've touched on the loss of his arm more. And not just his human arm, but his other arms as well.

Allura's death was just like... I don't remember what she said to Keith before she decided to give up her life, but all I could think about was when she was cold to him because he was half Galra.

I thought it was so funny in the last episode when they showed all the realities in every universe and there were just like... 50 of them or something lmao. Like Honerva really didn't have to do much to end them all. They really did rush the ending, huh?

Even though I haven't watched the original series this was based off of, I enjoyed the small references I did catch like with Sven and such.

All in all, I had a fun time. Will I rewatch it any time soon? No... but I will definitely be reading fanfics of it going forward.

#finallyyy i can go read some dad shiro fics #voltron thoughts #voltron spoilers

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kitkat-the-muffin · 1 year ago

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OH BOY I need some AIR after playing Cloutchase Vol 2!!!!

Time for the customary screenshot dump! Spoilers under the cut!

But first, some spoiler-free teases to further encourage you to play the game yourself first!

Aight here we go

Hrrrrrrrrrrrrgh I started with Amino and then had to wash it down with Discord cause oof the cringe flashbacks to middle school

They really went all out on the accuracy didn't they. It just like me fr (derogatory) (inaccurate)

We need to talk about this split second of dialogue btw- I caught it just in time oh my god WHAT- they should kiss I think

I played this with a friend actually and she gave Kik a Beetlejuice voice and it was amazing. My friend did all the voices actually and I did the narration and she was great and accurate it was a real fun experience. I've never even heard of Kik before this but she HAD and knew what to do XD

THE FREAKIN WARRIOR CATS ROLEPLAY. I know EXACTLY how it feels to be dragged into a WCRP when you've never read the books or know anything about the series, more middle school trauma for you there

Amino's route was positively perfect I have no notes I am going insane I am going feral I need therapy I need a monkey onesie-

Moving on, Muffy was in Discord's route! That was so neat to see! Also the crypto ending was so funny look at this:

We also need to talk about Twitter X. Just look at him

Amazing. Perfection. He is disgusted with us, as he should be

Ok in regards to actual Discord, I freakin love him. Again, I was playing this game with a friend, and she said his trans experience was so relatable to her. Then I spoke with another friend and he said the same thing. We all agree he's very gender looking, even tho two of us are femme XD

When we finished the Good Ending my friend said that Discord's feminine persona looked a lot more fake than initially thought now that we knew the truth, and that's honestly great character building. The maze was such an interesting way to get to know Discord better too, even if all the mythology reference were askew lol

I think both versions of Discord are incredibly cute and adorable but Masc Discord is my favorite cause he just looks so much more comfortable in his own skin if you know what I mean? Or maybe I'm just projecting idk

I've actually hit 12 photos already so idk why Tumblr wont stop me from adding more. Maybe it's different on desktop than mobile idk

Anyway I loved both routes and I wish I could gush about them more but I have a certain social experiment session in an hour (shoutout to the two people who actually read through my experiment tag) so I'll just leave it here

But gosh I loved these two they were amazing I want to play them again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

LAST NOTE BUT THERE ARE ACTUALLY A PAIR OF CREEPY TWINS AT THE END OF THE SHINING HALLWAY BTW

Calling it now it's Thesaurus.com and Dictionary.com (two of MY ocs that I haven't even DESIGNED yet ffffffffffff now that Webtoon's done I guess that's my next project)

#socialstuck cloutchase #socialstuck #cloutchase #cloutchase volume 2 #amino socialstuck #amino cloutchase #discord socialstuck #discord cloutchase #not tagging anyone else cause that'd be spoilers and you can see the tags despite the cut

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cityandking · 5 months ago

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1, 12, 14, 18 for dai, minah and vesper!

thank you my dear!! // questions about creating your ocs

1. What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

DAI — theme. I knew I wanted to play a religious character and I knew there was a very Present religious order in airedon that worshiped the sky gods, so he was initially born out of the concept of this really grounded, rooted, earth-adjacent character looking up at the sun and the sky and loving it and striving towards it. everything else kind of slotted into place from there. MINAH — backstory. it helped that we got a whole bunch of campaign lore (plus just, y'know, there's so much DA lore to work with). I always knew she was gonna be a bit unscrupulous and dissembling and kind of went from there. also, fun fact! she was originally gonna be a he VESPER — name. vesper was born out of the ashes (well, a long period of tweaking and re-consideration) of my first inquisition playthrough, so in a lot of ways I had everything set out in broad strokes, but it wasn't until I had a new name that I really began building a new (and better imo) character.

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

ok well besides the fact that I can't draw them the way I wish I could draw them...

DAI — his voice is a little stiff and he doesn't do joy well. every now and then I'll have a thought about something (usually a dairef thing) and I just can't pin him down enough to get into it. this happens less when we're playing, but every now and then he just stalls out. MINAH — the secrets she (and I) must keep. also artistic skill rip (I just want to design warden armor) VESPER — her color palette honestly isn't super conducive to edits. also I started writing her ages ago and sometimes it's hard to get back to her voice; I feel like I use to write her much more easily

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

DAI — first, he's upright in all things: morals, posture, obligation, kindness, vows. everything about him should feel like it's standing solid and straight-backed, like it could take a blow and stay standing. second, beneath all that honor and stalwart truth and hope is a deep well of wryness that he can draw from ad infinitum. it's where the bitchiness comes from MINAH — first, her gut instinct when talking about herself is always to lie or deflect, even when it's completely innocuous. there's usually at least one layer between what she says and what the truth is, even if the lie is only in the presentation or the performance. second, her loyalty goes deeper than she'll admit—she's fond of people and bonds easily, even though she tries to keep them at a comfortable arm's length VESPER — first, she is always ready to set herself on fire rather than see anyone else burn or freeze. she's got a martyr complex and a deep well of determination and the two don't play well together. second, she is so tired. she is so so tired. let her nap

18. What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

DAI — oh lordy. most recent? it's either how hungry he is to know more about his family or how hungry he is to feel solid and real. I made a post a while back about 'how bloody is your OC' and looking back at that I think part of dai's problem in the astral sea is that he hasn't had a chance to get bloody—fighting himself was a good way to get into the meat of things (literally), and the god baby was better because it was tangible change. I think. I'm still trying to get a read on his mental state; he eludes me sometimes MINAH — honestly the cold-blooded mage murder was a surprise to me too VESPER — vesp has been so solid for so long idk what recent thing I've discovered about her. I'm sure I'll have new thoughts and feelings once veilguard drops

#I'm reading ''working with'' as ''playing/making/writing/etc.'' not like. coworkers.#coworkers would be more like. y'know. doing your job. etc.#anyway #thanks for these they were really fun!!#memery #minah #vesper #daichi

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lastoreadoras · 2 years ago

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Since I’m not asking to be hypnotized or something, I think this is at least mostly appropriate: are there any tips that you have for a beginner hypnotist? I have a beginner’s guide, and am making my first audio file.

This is a list of things I wish I knew early on in my hypnotist experience. I've separated them into sections with titles for easier reading. That said, this is a long post, so I've included a TL;DR at the bottom if you're in a rush.

1 - Confidence can be very helpful!

One of the biggest things I can say for someone just starting out is that you should have confidence in yourself! If you've ever done improv, you will know that rolling with mistakes is part of the fun. This applies to specifically live sessions, but if you're just making files, being confident helps too. A surprising amount of individuals will drop into trance if you're simply assertive.

There's one style of induction that I occasionally use that gaslights someone into dropping. It's really effective when it works, specifically because people trust what you say when you have authority in your voice, fake or not.

Naturally, confidence doesn't just drop everybody into trance and learning induction techniques is essential, so understand that when you learn a hypnotic method of some sort, it's a tool in your toolbox that you can apply to the right situation.

Because people are different and sometimes certain methods are more or less effective, it's good to have lots of knowledge and learn as much as you can so you can use the right tool for the job!

2 - Live and learn!

While this is just general life advice and can apply to multiple things, it's worth mentioning that if you make mistakes or don't know enough to hypnotize someone and they don't drop, it's not the end of the world. Think about how you can improve rather than getting down about the idea that you did something wrong. Being a hypnotist can be very demanding, so don't push yourself too hard just to gain subjects or something similar.

3 - Rapport is important!

Rapport, or a relationship in which you both trust each other enough to communicate your feelings clearly, is very important. If you want to hypnotize someone, gain their trust. Some people will throw themselves at you without wanting to know anything about you or share anything about themselves. Honestly, it's not worth the effort for people like this, and you should just let them listen to your files if they want hypnosis from you.

Why is this? Hypnosis is very BDSM adjacent in that it is something that can greatly deepen a relationship if both parties are consenting and eagerly doing so. Imagine hypnosis to be like a rope you're tying someone up with. If they don't trust you, or you don't trust them, tying the rope tightly will be difficult, and the experience will be lackluster for both people.

I know what you may be thinking. "How do I gain some random stranger's trust?" And the answer to that is simple! Just be a good person. I know it sounds weird, like, "Hey, I'm already doing that." But it's important to just... be polite. Put the effort in to create a pleasant interaction and they will (usually) do the same.

4 - Learn what you can!

There's lots of books out there that you can find and read. The internet is very helpful, but I've been told that "The Brainwashing Book" by sleepingirl is a helpful resource. Also, while it seems strange, books designed to teach you how to talk to people more effectively (usually directed at businesspeople or salespeople) can be very helpful as well. Clear communication is important, and there are some vaguely hypnotic things you can learn about language and communication in general.

Just by reading this you're already taking steps in the right direction! It's very bite sized compared to books you will read but I'm fairly certain that this information will be helpful.

5 - Don't forget about consent!

Contrary to popular belief, you can (kind of) make people do things they don't want to do. It's a very long process, and involves changing what they actually want so that when you hypnotize them to do it they "wanted it all along," but this is generally to be avoided unless you're doing some sort of cnc play with someone who trusts you a lot. That said, people can shorten the process by throwing themselves at you, and very eager or less informed hypnosis enthusiasts are easier to take advantage of. Sometimes. (People are different, with different brains and different thoughts!)

That said, it's very important to only do what you have permission to do. And don't ask for permission when they're already hypnotized! That'd be like asking someone for something while they are drunk or otherwise inebriated. Ensure that both people know what is going to happen in the "scene" (the hypnosis session, the trance, etc) so that both of you can enjoy it fully without issue!

Worst comes to worst, set up a safe word. While it can be difficult to safe word while entranced (for some people), it is possible and doable, so if you want to "surprise" someone make sure you give them a way to stop the trance if they need to.

6 - You are a person too!

While it's fun to take on the role of an all-powerful hypnotist and let people put you on a pedestal, sometimes you want to get down from the pedestal and just be a normal person. In the past, I personally have found it difficult to come to terms with the fact that I have needs too, but even if you don't struggle with that, it's an important reminder that, hey, you're not a trance dispenser!

If you set up a session properly, there will be time for trance and time for just... talking! Hypnosis is an excellent common interest to find similarly kinky friends, and friends are the best people to hypnotize.

7 - Closing word

At the end of the day, you're a person with your own ideas about what you want to do and how you want to do it. But I'm confident that you will take my advice to heart, because you were seeking it to begin with! Feel free to discard anything you disagree with or otherwise don't need, but I hope I was able to help in some way.

If anyone ever has any questions about hypnosis, I'm typically quite happy to answer them. Feel free to ask in my ask inbox or in my dms! It doesn't bother me if you stick to anon, but I'm always looking for more hypnosis friends.

Thanks for reading!

Or, if you didn't read, here's the TL;DR:

Be confident in everything you do- even if you doubt yourself, puff out your chest and smile. It helps!

You'll probably make mistakes, as everyone does, but as long as you learn from those mistakes, they were never really mistakes to begin with.

Hypnotizing friends and people you trust is far superior to hypnotizing random people on the internet. However, random people on the internet can quickly become a friend that you trust, with simple conversation!

Always keep an eye out for more hypnosis info, be it from books, posts like this one, or even learning from scripts/files.

Consent is hot and essential.

Don't let people put you on a pedestal for longer than you're comfortable being on said pedestal.

And of course-

Don't forget to have fun!

Cheers! <3

#hypnosis #hypnotism #ask response

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l-1-z-a · 1 year ago

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Emergent Storytelling Techniques in The Sims - Matt Brown, GDC 2018

In this 2018 GDC session, Maxis EA's Matt Brown examines the various techniques employed across all four generations of The Sims to empower player-driven and emergent storytelling.

Table of Contents

Intro

1:40 Key Design Philosophies

3:40 Ai of the Sims

7:02 Self-evident Dependencies

8:09 Projection and Assumption

12:34 Ambiguity ( thought bubbles, speech )

16:01 Going 'too far'

17:16 On Randomness... ( urinals )

19:30 Yes and...

21:02 Autonomous Feedback Loops

24:51 Wants & Fears & Wishes

26:36 Story Trees

31:26 How Story Trees work

- 33:45 ...vs Player Expectations

35:58 Meta-Storytelling ( story progression; higher level )

39:51 Prototype Story Progression Tool

- 40:55 Bubba's life story

42:09 Inverse Autonomy ( populating the world )

43:19 N of M and Moving the Goalpost

47:13 Summary

48:54 Questions

youtube

This is a very informative presentation from Matt Brown. He was Technical Direction and Desing during the development of The Sims 2.

The presentation reveals how the systems of wants, fears and whims works in all games of the series. How the system of story progression and promotion in Sims 3 works. Shows the prototype system of story progression in Sims 3. This presentation have info about all main games in The Sims.

And a few other things to pay attention to:

1. Previously unseen screenshot of The Sims 2 Beta, or rather a screenshot from the alpha version of The Sims 2 v.0.14.0.765 on 23:30:

2. The answer to the question of why each part of the series is very different from each other. What process is responsible for this. On 53:35:

Hi. I've played all of The Sims and they all change a lot between each of the iterations and I'm curious what the process is from going the first Sim all the way to the newest Sim because there's a lot of changes between all of those.

And the answer of Matt Brown:

The first Sims was Will Wright makes games. I don't know if he still does, but the way he did make games was he made games that were fundamentally fascinating to him. They actually tended to be pretty geeky because he's pretty geeky.

The first Sims was really more of a psychological study originally. It turned out to be way more fun than that. Well, that's fun for some people. It's way bigger than that.

I used to joke that with Sims 2 our goal was don't screw it up. It's a little more colorful than that, but don't screw it up because we didn't know exactly why Sims 1 was successful. We just knew that it was crazy successful, so just don't mess it up.

With Sims 2, we didn't make that many changes. It was what I call a more, more, more design or 3M design. We mostly just took everything in Sims 1 and we added more to it. The wants and fears that I mentioned was the one big thing that we introduced there.

And then in Sims 3, it was slightly different because we hadn't screwed it up. We had a chance to screw it up, so we basically went all the way back down to the core motivations of players and the core systems and said what systems, what were they trying to achieve and could we achieve more or if the system wasn't really didn't have any purpose in the end we got rid of it.

Sims 4 was a little more complicated. Its development was pretty storied. It went through several different stages.

3. Some players think that wants and fears in Sims 2 are given to Sims at random. The developers of The Sims 2 discovered that some players thought so, and were little disappointed by this. And so the system of wants in The Sims 3 has become more clear. You can learn about this at 58:24. This is one more question:

Are there any game mechanics introduced that did not have the outcome you expected?

And the answer of Matt Brown:

That's a really good question. I'm trying to think. I'm absolutely certain there are. But I honestly don't know any right off the top of my head. Part of that is that a lot of the mechanics that we introduce...

No, I really can't think of anything off the top of my head. No, sorry.

I was going to say, a lot of the mechanics that we introduce, in and of themselves, this is going to sound maybe pretentious or dodgy, but in and of themselves, we don't necessarily expect a specific outcome from one system. We expect a lot of the times when we're designing systems, we design them to be interesting, to bounce off of each other. We just try to make sure that there's enough touch points between them that interesting stuff can happen.

Oh, I do have one, and it was a subtle thing. Sorry, it was back in this Wants and Fears. Maybe it's just a little cautionary tale. These Wants and Fears in the original version, they're very thoughtfully presented. If you do it right, your sims will sound like they're just paying attention. Oh my god. They get something. They're deep. There's a lot going on in there.

Somewhere along the line, what we did is every morning when the sim wakes up, they roll new Once and Fears. They reevaluate. Somewhere in there, we decided that the way we should do that so you didn't miss it was we should make them spin like slot machine wheels, which honestly made me really angry in the end. Not angry, but was because the effect it had was that players then saw them, and because they look like slot machines, a lot of players assumed they were random, which, given that we put all this effort into the system that made them extra not random and very intentional, was a little disappointing that some players thought that they were random just because of the way we ended up treating them in the UI.

Transcription (notes) of presentation:

На русском языке:

#Youtube #the sims #the sims 2 #the sims 3 #the sims 4 #sims #sims 2 #sims 3 #sims 4 #sims 2 beta #Matt Brown #story progression #wants #wants and fears #GDC #gdc 2018 #2018 #emergent #video

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dumbfinntales · 6 months ago

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I'm finally done with Stellar Blade. It says I played it for about 25 hours, but honestly felt much longer. There's a lot of side content in this game. But it was a pretty fun experience and a great test for my reflexes. Maybe a bit too great. I dunno if my reflexes are getting worse, but damn this game was difficult. More below, with some spoilers!

Stellar Blade is a somewhat linear action game with slight RPG mechanics. The game is obviously inspired by Nier Automata and you can see it from the themes, the sexy protagonist and the music style. Honestly even though it was aping Nier I still enjoyed the music a lot. Especially in the first area and in the Plaza, something about the music felt atmospheric and otherworldly. I say the game is somewhat linear, because there are small open world segments where you can explore freely for cosmetics, sidequests and loot.

The combat was definitely the best part of the game. It combines a fast paced action game and something like a dark souls game to create an interesting hybrid. The game relies a lot on the parry, but the dodge as well. You can also unlock a lot of cool combat abilities and some of the later challenges really got me to use everything in my arsenal. The parry timing though was brutal. Even with an upgrade and an item that improves parry timing I still miss the parry, and what's annoying is that if you mess up one parry you get stunlocked with rest of the combo and that never felt nice.

The parrying honestly felt a lot more difficult than even Lies of P. There were a ton of moments when I felt like I should have reacted in time, but it wasn't enough. My jaw would drop on the floor and I'd utter out: "What do you mean that reaction wasn't fast enough?!" honestly I might just be getting old. I'm nearly 30 now after all.

The side content was nice, but I wasn't a big fan of it. By the Great Desert I was getting tired of the boring side quests and uninteresting locations. Some side quests were fun enough, like the one with Enya or the girl over at sisters junk. But most of it was like go see me friend, oh no friend is dead, fight monsters, report back death. Or go to a location and find an object. It doesn't help that the two open world areas look so similar. Wasteland and the Great Desert are pretty much the same. The Desert is just a big boring area that I got sick of real quick. The more linear story related areas were much better. I liked the Levoire areas where you're forced to use your gun only for combat, a fun change of pace.

But if there's one thing this game absolutely excels at it is the boss fights. They feel hectic, visceral and so good. Plus they're pretty difficult. Especially towards the end there are so many super difficult fights back to back. The final boss that I got in my story was so tough that it'd two to three shot me, and once more that parry timing was tough. Raven also nearly made me lose my sanity, her ridiculous combo chains would fuck you up if you'd miss even one parry. But the bosses feel and look great and offer a great challenge. Seriously the monster designs in this game are rad!

As for the story it was interesting, but I figured out the big "twist" right away. It was so damn obvious from the get go, but it was fun to watch play out. It was made obvious that you weren't a biological human, but some kind of a robot hybrid from the start, so I knew the Naytibas were the real humans. They kinda reveal that early on in the story and all the main characters just go "NUH UH! We can't know if this is real anyway haha, lets kill humanity :-) ". The only thing that caught me by surprise was Orcal being an alpha Naytiba who mended their ways. Interesting that some Naytiba can become more human and not become beasts.

So overall it was a damn tough, but fun experience. These developers are extremely talented. I don't see myself playing this game again any time soon, but maybe one day. Honestly I kinda wish this game didn't have as much "fluff" side content and was more of a linear action game. Or at least some areas that aren't just desert. We know earth is fucked, but the first linear level is set in an abandoned city so we know not everything is desolate.

#stellar blade #a review type of deal

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havendance · 1 year ago

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Scattered Batman: War Games thoughts

It honestly wasn't as bad as I was afraid it was going to be. Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of parts that were bad, but it also moved at a quick pace and I have definitely read comics that were way more of a chore to get through

Still way too much torture though. I purposefully skipped all the scenes where Steph got tortured but other people also got tortured in this and why is there just so much?

I do like that Bruce actually asked for help/called in the cavalry at the begining of the event rather than running around making things worse a bunch of times. Of course the only help he called in was Batgirl and Nightwing, but baby steps!

I actually enjoyed most of the entire first act of war games. It was focused mainly on chaos exploding on everyone being on the ropes and doing damage control. It was quick moving and I like seeing the bats on the ropes. Plus, there was the

I did like both Cass and Tim's storylines throughout.

And then of course, act II onwards just went downhill. Look, I wish Zeis had succeeded in killing Black Mask when he was disguised as Oprheus because he just sucks.

Anyway, I already talked about the torture stuff :/

The thing is, I think because I skipped the bad parts and I knew both that Steph was going to die and that she would eventually come back going into this arc, her death actually made me less made than say, Sarah Essen's death in No Man's Land which is in some ways much less egregious (I'm still annoyed about that). If I HAD been a comics reader in 2004 and not a possibly-illiterate child whose mom wouldn't let them read comics at that age anyway, I probably would've been pissed! But context is everything.

But to backtrack a little, Bruce was like "I was never going to implement the war games plan" but he also had Orpheus going undercover to get control of the hill? It certainly looks like you're laying the groundwork my dude. I mean, he still could have been planning to not go all the way and made the contingency plan in question recently, but still. Out of universe, it's clearly laying groundwork for the War Games event.

Hmm, what else did I want to bring up. Oh yeah. Bruce, trying to take control over the entire GCPD is definetly a major overstep. You deserve to be wanted by them after that. Seriously dude, you didn't even have control over the GCPD during No Man's Land where there was no goverment. Your whole stchick involves acting outside of the law. You can't just do that dude.

Also, him hijacking Oracle's systems was also an asshole move. I think it is interesting the way that they had the interection of the urban legend batman mythos with the event. He's out during the day, being captured on camera for the first time in ages and it's in the middle of a major disaster. Terrible PR all around. The batman is real and this is his fault. I do think that's a fun move.

I am here for Barbara beefing with Batman, he was a dick to you during the event! But also the whole tower blowing up thing at the end was clearly because it was required by editorial. You're telling me you don't have knockout gas or batgrade tasers in there? Your only option was to blow up your home base?

Like, he also was a major presence during No Man's Land, but that was No Man's Land.

Anyway, this was clearly an event that was designed to make some major changes to the status quo. I will probably have more opinions on these changes as I read more comics, but for some initial thoughts:

Batman & co wanted by the GCPD. I'm a big fan of this one. Make him have to face greater odds with fewer resources than he's used to!

Stephanie dead. Lame :/

The Birds of Prey no longer based in Gotham. I am tentatively optimistic about this. I did like the era of Oracle being a key player in Gotham, but her being an idependent force not tied to them is defintely something she deserves! Of course, if this just results in her being exiled to Birds of Prey rather than playing a major role in the rest of the universe that'd be disappointing.

(Of course I also primarily only read Bat books, so uh, I don't think I'd see this either way.)

Tim and Cass in their Blüdhaven era: why not? I've heard good things about this.

Black Mask being a key play: grump grump grump I don't like him.

#batman: war games #carthago delenda est #dc #bats + birds + affiliated

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pancake-breakfast · 1 year ago

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Trigun Book Club! Maybe Wolfwood will show up in today's reading....

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10

Trigun Volume 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 1 Supplemental Research

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for Trigun Vol. 2, Chapters 2-4 below.

Chapter 2: Diablo

Ok, Legato Bluesummers is a HUGE problem child, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE his character design. This guy would adore goth fashion.

I wonder who's decided Vash deserves this particular hell. Also, it's noteworthy that the fact that they're sending TWELVE assassins after him (presumably one at a time) suggests they expect at least the first few to fail.

"Anyone in their right mind would keep that man locked up!" Hahahahahahahaha, try it.

Ugh, poor Vash.... He looks so sad and angry... and a bit scary. I'm worried for him.

It would be absolutely understandable if his feelings here were toward the humans unjustly locking him up, but the text goes on to let us know that the primary thing on his mind... the source of all his feelings right now... is Knives.

Flashback time!

Ohhhh, this is a place where '98 hard deviated, but Stampede stayed the course. '98 had Vash, Knives, and Rem running around with a handful of other characters back then, but here, it's just them.

Honestly, I feel like this panel is hitting on more story themes than are immediately apparent.

How sad that loneliness drove her to join Project Seeds. Sad, but understandable.

Oh, Vash, babygirl. Someone hug him.

You know, there's another character who wears an outfit that looks very similar to this in present day. And it's not Vash.

Full-on mom mode here in telling them what to do.

Vash looks older in this scene than he did in either anime adaptation.

Obscuring Knives's face. Smart. Can't see too much of him until it's Time.

TBH, Knives's argument here feels like justification after the fact. Like he needs a reason for everything that just happened to be right despite any elements of it going sideways.

For a pacifist, he sure can rock some serious murderface.

The ease with which he flips from murderface to softboi face is a bit disturbing.

He says this, but babygirl here looks SO TIRED. Whether or not he believes what he's saying, I think he really needs their kindness right now.

I don't know what Milly is trying to say/do here, but I wish her the best!

I just want to note that knowing my kana has made the sound effects a LOT more fun for me than they'd be otherwise.

Mmmmmm, something tells me Vash is likely to be out of there before morning. It might be this big guy who just showed up and opened fire, it might not. Who can say?

Oh, honey. Vash is NEVER unarmed. Even when he's literally missing an arm.

Hi, Monev! Thank you for introducing yourself to the class! You can sit down now. There's an empty seat right over there.

Yeah, the LAST thing Vash needs is to be trying to protect some bystanders against anyone making this level of posturing.

Good question, Monev. I don't think Vash is quite sure what he's up against, but he's clearly not going to underestimate you or take any chances. Not after meeting Legato.

Goshdarnit, the girls are still here.

Yeah, this could get messy.

I feel like Meryl taking a hit here was kind of nodded to in Stampede, where she also rushed in against Monev and nearly got herself killed.

See? Gun arm. Vash is never unarmed.

Annnd he's no longer chained down, either.

Not sure what's going on here, but I doubt it will be good for the building.

Yep. Sayonara, windows. We barely knew thee.

What's wrong, Monev? Looks like you might have bit off more than you can chew.

Oh, man. This end panel, though. Current favorite Vash murder pose.

Something something Hellsing something Alucard something aesthetic inspiration.

Chapter 3: Fragile

(The title makes me think of this song.)

Oof, little Meryl. I'm glad Milly's taking care of her.

I wish it was apparent who was thinking they can't let Vash go. I'm guessing it's Meryl, but that's based on metagame knowledge.

Iconic Vash pose.

Oof, goodbye, buildings. May you meet up with the windows from the previous chapter in whatever afterlife architecture ends up in.

Ok, this pause, though. This deliberate pause. The way the panels move from Vash shouting as loud as he can, to this almost peaceful pose of his back with the "ooooo" hum being the only indication of movement as he looks at a literal wall, to the GIANT SWISS CHEESE EXPLOSION. That's such a good build.

Ahhhh, and then this show of him focusing on the next page. People are getting shot, the world is exploding, and his gun is PERFECTLY LEVEL, his eyes are open. He's watching and waiting like a freaking ambush predator.

Aaaand he's injured. Darnit.

BUT HE MADE THE SHOT. TWICE. And Monev knows it.

Milly, still trying to help. <3

Heh, Vash might have lost the arm, but he didn't lose the arm. Hahahahahahahaha

Babygirl, remember the lesson you were trying to impress on Katie in the last volume. Don't get so caught up in your memories that you forget to be in the moment. The past is already fixed. The moment is where you can do the most good.

Something something it may seem silly something will to survive.

Uhhhh, why are we going to the bank now? Maybe something about that vault being thick and potentially safe?

Dang, we can just follow the blood trail, can't we?

Oof, trying to reload one-handed like this. Hands shaking. Trying to remember his own potential despite everything.

Uhhh... why was there just a bag of weapons hanging out there? Did Monev put it there earlier? It looks like something you'd find in a video game.

Honestly, this security guard should just take the night off.

Can't have Trigun without the bigass guns...

Vash is using the door as a shield. Just not the way one would suspect.

Again, with that perfectly steady hand.

Goodbye, Monev tough-guy mask. Hello, knee to the face.

Even after all this, Vash's resolve immediately cracks when he sees Monev's genuine fear of dying.

Again, with Rem's form blending into his and dominating the page. Meanwhile, he's just a shadow in the corner. Again, with the heavenly imagery of her, where here the only think keeping her from looking like a traditional angel is the lack of wings. But her hair, the way the cloth flows around her, and her whole pose speaks of angel's flight.

And, shaking, his gun dripping with blood from the force with which he shoved it in Monev's eye, he comes back to himself. And loses it in an entirely different way.

I love this last panel. It makes Vash seem so small and so alone. At the same time, literally everyone else in the panel aside from Monev is coming toward him to help. He might feel alone, but he's far from it.

Chapter 4: Scars

Ah, yes. Fragile things do end up with scars, if they don't break.

Honestly, what Meryl is typing here sounds far more journalistic than insurance agent-y.

She's starting to realize that, while Vash himself is a nice and gentle soul, there's a lot about him she doesn't know. I'm reminded of that quote, "No one will ever know the violence it took to become this gentle."

(BTW, I'm listening to the Stampede soundtrack and it's currently playing the version of Knives's theme with vocals and it's NOT HELPING.)

(Also, it sounds like SOMEONE is developing a bit of a crush on Mr. The Stampede.)

Monev seems to have grown some respect for Vash.

Ha, they gave this line to Wolfwood in Stampede.

I appreciate Vash's response. It says a lot about his character. Even when he seems like he's trusting, he's generally being far more cautious than people think he's being.

Quest #1: Complete! You've acquired a Coin Half!

*sigh* Everyone's scared, but he saved them all. But... their concerns aren't unjustified. If one assassin found him, the others likely will, too. And it's not like they'd send their biggest guns for Round 1.

You really shouldn't just walk straight into people's rooms. Even if you knock. Lucky for everyone he already had pants on.

Ugh, he's such a mess....

LOL, buddy. I hope that's not why you're turning down the opportunity for sex. And... if a partner really cared about you, it's not like she'd think less of you for them. Hasn't anyone ever told you chicks dig scars? Good on Meryl for calling him out.

Vash might have initially been put off by them seeing his scars, but now that they have, he doesn't seem to see a reason to hide them.

I don't think Vash could live a quiet life if he wanted to. Not with the Gung-Ho Guns hunting him. We'll not get into Ericks for the time being.

This is such a thing, though. I don't think she would fault him or think any less of him if he never bothered to settle that score. Then again, all things considered, him taking a back seat in all this would kind of be ignoring a ticking time bomb that might undo all she sacrificed for.

Huh, it's a bit of a surprise they let Monev stay for a few days, too.

There's something hilarious about Meryl's roller suitcase in the middle of the desert here.

LOLOLOL, Milly calling out Meryl for her intense interest in Vash.

Milly is a lot more devious than she looks....

Uhhhhh, what's with the cross? What's with Vash's panic?

Ohhhh, shit. Is that Monev??

Yep, it's Monev. Is... is he still alive??? Crucifixion is specifically designed to 1) be IMMENSELY painful (the spikes are generally hammered not through the palms, where they'd just rip out, but through the nerve bundle that runs up the forearm between the bones, which are holding the majority of your weight), and 2) slowly kill via exposure.

Nooooo, I don't like this guy alreadyyyyyyy....

I... I don't think Monev had a home. Not really. Not like the Gung-Ho Guns were gonna welcome him back to the mansion basement. He'd need to make a new path for himself in the world.

Yyyyep, it's E.G. Mine. Please send him back where you found him. I don't like him.

Vash, staying focused in this.

TBH, that get-up looks EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

I agree, Vash. I agree. I hope you can dodge this trolley problem with an Option 3.

Hahahaha, Vash manages to disable E.G. before his bag has a chance to drop to below shoulder level.

Howwww. How did he know Legato was watching?!

Oh, good. Legato's surprised by it all, too. And almost got shot. He's taking it pretty well, though.

Go for the source of the problem rather than the riffraff it's kicking up. Wise. Legato doesn't look pleased by this change of plans. But I think Vash is right to decide this quest is shit.

I feel very Two Cakes-y about manga Monev vs. TriStamp Monev.

(Warning: Spoilers for Trigun: Stampede ahead.)

There are things I like about both. And while TriStamp wrapping Vash directly into his backstory and mucking much more clearly with Monev's head might be a bit off-putting to some, I appreciated how much more personal they made his arc to Vash. You have all the same elements; a boy betrayed and trained to be a monster, released primarily to cause Vash pain, and then just as it seems he might be saved from everything he's been through, his life is cut short in a way that does NOT endear Vash to his killer.

But in Stampede, Monev's arc also holds the full weight of 20 years of Vash being too late. Too late to save the town. Too late to save the boy. To short-sighted to see the consequences of just trying to help. Too slow to save the man.

It makes it hit in a far more meaningful fashion... but I don't know that it would be right for manga Vash at this point in his story arc. Right now, he needs to recognize and reconcile what he is and isn't. We've seen far more of him being silly than we've seen of him being dangerous, and here, we see him leaning into his more dangerous side. Through his arc in the manga, we too must start to ask the questions Meryl asks, and might begin to wonder if, perhaps, the Humanoid Typhoon is far closer to the edge than he immediately appears.

#poor vash has had to spend too much time being serious in these chapters #though for SOME REASON i think that trend is likely to continue...#trigunbookclub #trigun manga #volume 2 #pancake analysis

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paperbagsandwich · 8 months ago

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that makes me want ros to be my friend!! (Ive been working on magical girl ocs because of my love for the genre, i think i might have too many wip because im planning on making a small animation as well for other stuff i like.)

That's more than fair! My little sister and brother are both on the spectrum (both have been tested for it, i haven't, my little sister stims a lot and runs around, my lil brother is more on the none verbal side unless it's something he likes, like sonic, kirby or mario kart). I know i stim as well (when the stardew valley update came out i was bouncing, clapping and waving my arms excitedly) its just lovely to see such attributes in characters.

please dont feel forced to check them out! Take as much time as you need if you want to tho! (Nausicaä has some of my fav creature designs in it honestly and there are lil apple people in stardew i needle felted some before)

!!! Yay!! Take as much time as you need ill be excitedly waiting for them even if you post them 200 years later, i don't mind i just wanna see more of your lovely art!

Ive done the same before! i like trying a bunch of different ways to make designs its always a bunch of fun to experiment, id reccomend trying if you also like just making random designs as well!

Aww thank you!! He had always tried to flirt with her before (he was just terrible at it) so she knew he was interested. She let him know she had feeling back when she kissed him on the cheek after he comforted her after a hard day (it made him happy cry and laugh as he hugged her tightly).

Thank you! I honestly think im just doing the bare minimum but thank you. Im happy to be here!! I enjoy talking to you and sending questions about your characters and you!! Plus as another creative person its nice to understand how you view your characters and how you explore different sides of them! Its something i want to do more (im still anxious about creating my own tumblrs/twitters for wg and nsfw content -these would be separate accounts-)

Ros does have that energy with people, she gets along with people a lot!

And OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH, THAT'S AWESOME!!!! Man I wish I had the energy for animation, that's so cool!!! Godspeed!! 🫡

I mean it's a long time coming, this was something I was going to check out on anyway for future characters so I can get people on the spectrum right and not just guess I've just been procrastinating JDKSHDKDISJS

Also, that's so cute!! 😭😭

And yeah, I'll get to the things on my own time, I like getting suggestions sometimes so I don't mind at all.

Also, AAAAWWWWWW, YOU DO FELT STUFF, THAT'S SO COOL!!! 😭😭

OOOH, that sounds so fun, maybe that'll help with Art Block!!

Making a Toon based campaign really helps with figuring out different art styles which is very fun to do.

Also, your patience is very admirable!!! 😭😭

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH, I LOVE THESE TWO SO DAMN MUCH!!!!! 😭😭😭💕💕💕💕💕

And goodness, you're too nice, I really love talking about characters and other stuff with you!!!!

If feels so nice getting questions like these and I always get excited getting messages from you!!!

But don't force yourself to ask if you run out of things to say, I understand. You can only ask so much.

And I totally understand your nervousness when it comes to making a niche blog. It's okay if you're not ready, just do it when you're ready.

I'm sure everyone would love to see what you have.

And you can take the advice Lemon said by blocking people you may know online before posting your work.

#Nonfat #Anon #NonFat Ask #You do you Anon #take your time!!#I'll gladly wait 200 years if I have to HDKSBZKDJJDKS

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riddlerosehearts · 10 months ago

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The answer is probably obvious given your username but who is your favorite twst character? ❤ Guess I am more asking what you love about Riddle lol

haha, well, i will say that riddle is practically tied with idia as my favorite! idia was a character who i literally decided was my fave at first sight, but then i came to love riddle more and more while i was playing through the story for the first time. the idiashroud url is taken by someone who isn't even using it😔 and this url was, shockingly, not taken when i first got into twst, so i took it the second i found out it was available. but, yeah, i do love riddle a lot!! i've got two plushies of him and two other pieces of adorable fanmade merch i'll share below, and i'd love to get some more riddle merch. i especially really wanna buy his nendoroid when i'm able to afford it.

^ the aforementioned riddle merch plus some other random things i have on a little corkboard in my room, lol.

as for what i love about him... honestly, what drew me to him when i first started twst was that i just thought he was hilarious. one of the first vignettes i ever read was the one where he and floyd are in the library and he gets really pissed about floyd teasing him and making fun of his height. and, well, one of my favorite fictional characters of all time just happens to be another short little nerd with a red color scheme and a hot temper who would have to be held back from kicking my ass if he knew i was calling him a short little nerd (it's edward elric from fullmetal alchemist, lol). so i got attached to him based on that and also because i thought the way he acted during book 1 was just really funny and entertaining to watch. i also figured there must be some sort of Reason behind it that i couldn't wait to find out, and then the reason we got really tugged at my heartstrings and, again, reminded me of some of my favorite characters in other media.

beyond that, i really love his design, for one thing. especially his heart-shaped ahoge which has got to be one of the cutest character design choices i've ever seen in my life. i love that he's an animal lover who goes out of his way to check on the hedgehogs even when he doesn't have to, and how excited he gets about discovering the joys of puzzle solving in the endless halloween event. i love how protective he is of his dormmates and how much faith he shows in them after book 1. like, he has such sweet interactions with ace in fairy gala remix and with deuce in glorious masquerade. and i love the development he goes through!! i made a post on this a while back, but riddle along with vil is one of the only overblotters who really apologized and took immediate steps to make up for what he'd done, which shows a lot of genuine maturity and responsibility on his part. there's also a chapter of the twst anthology manga where he's really anxious and frustrated with himself for still instinctively getting so angry at rule violations, and ace ultimately convinces him that he doesn't have to be so hard on himself and helps him relax. i love that. i love that he's still struggling with unlearning what he was taught all his life, because recovery and growth aren't always linear, but he's trying the best that he can now that he knows he was wrong.

so yeah this got longer than i originally planned lol but basically i just think riddle is really cute and funny and has a great character arc. to end this off here's an image of two riddle plushies i wish i had because i absolutely adore this style.

#thank you for this ask btw!! 💖#hope you don't mind getting a bit of an essay in response #but i'd also love to know who your favorite twst chara is and why you like them if you feel like sharing!!#asks #batlokilove #twisted wonderland #riddle rosehearts

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elderemorune · 10 months ago

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Time and My Wife

I'm not the oldest or the youngest anymore. I'm approximately halfway through the average human's lifespan, give or take some bad math.

What I am, however, is surprisingly scared of time passing forward. Passing me by, it feels like. Cherry, my wife, my best friend, my darling love, is in film school and is a staff favorite. She's smart, she's funny, she's quick-witted and well spoken, she's really the best person.

We met when we were 19. I was failing college because I was spending all my time gaming or flirting with anyone that looked at me. School just didn't feel important, and I didn't know what I wanted to do anyway, so why waste the time?

I wish I knew then what I did now, that I'd wasted a huge opportunity.

When we met, Cherry was best friends with another girl I was dating at the time, Allie. We didn't work out, obviously, and we ended up splitting for a variety of reasons. The primary one was that she was trying to get over her ex, and honestly I just wanted to be loved.

I still remember the first time I locked eyes with Cherry. I knew that she was going to be everything to me right away. She was everything I wanted to be. Alt, creative, funny, everything I said above. She's always been this amazing person. We exchanged Facebooks and I did what any classless loser does after getting broken up with by a girl.

I hit her friend up and asked if she wanted to hook up. I didn't want something serious, not really. But she seemed fun, and I knew that we'd at least have a good time together.

Cherry and I met, and we laid in the back of her Jimmy for hours, just talking and kissing. We never ended up having sex, because why would we? I could have kept laying there forever. But eventually it grew late, and dinner needed to be had. Fortunately, her friends were making dinner and she'd offered for me to tag along.

This was when I met two other important people in my life, Sun and Sky. Sky and I didn't get along at first. Hell, it took us ten years to figure out how to talk to each other, but we eventually got it figured out and we're tight these days. Now we shoot the shit about JRPGs whenever we've got the spare time, and I'm trying to get him playing FF14 with me.

Sun's always been a nice person. Truly just the kindest soul, unfortunately to her own detriment a lot of the time. We love Sun very deeply, and she's one of Cherry's best friends. When Cherry'd been tossed out by whatever parent had decided they didn't want to be responsible anymore, Sun, Allie, Sky, and a bunch of assholes I won't give fake names to banded together to help keep her safe.

Anyway, dinner. I don't remember what we ate, but I do recall corn. And feeling welcome. Genuinely, warmly welcomed. I was raised by WASPS (my dad is the disinherited heir of US royalty, no I won't say who), so warmth was something I had to grow accustomed to, and holy shit, that first time was something.

That first day together really solidified who I wanted to become.

It just took me a long time to get here.

Now we're at a halfway point, statistically speaking, and she's in school. I'm here, at the apartment, doing everything in my power to make sure her only job is to go to school. I clean, I cook, I work, I pack her lunches and make sure her bag's got everything she needs for the day. I love doing this for her, because I want her to know every fucking day just how much I love her.

But then she leaves for the day, and so does my roommate, and suddenly I'm here alone. Working, learning programming languages that barely click to me, designing web pages and doing sales calls. It's a big job I do. But I do it alone.

And that leaves me with a lot of Time.

Time and I used to be enemies. When I had Time, I'd fill it with dumb choices and life-altering mistakes. Nowadays we're still not friends, but we're not at each other's throats so much. I have to confess though, that I'm becoming scared of it as I'm getting older.

Isn't that a funny word, older? It's really just a mark of the passage of time. We wrinkle, we creak, we have to piss more often, things stop working quite as well as they used to.

But what do I have to show for it? My marriage, which is literally the best part of my life, no bones about it. My job, which is the result of nepotism. My car, which my dad got me.

What have I done with my time on this earth?

And the actual answer is grow. With the time I've spent here, I've answered for the sins of my Father, committed a few sins of my own and answered for those, moved forward in my life, and become a better person than I've ever been.

Now though, I'm grown. I'm ready to step outside the plant pot, you know? See what the world is really like. And as I watch my wife go through her education, I feel a little jealous. I'd pissed mine away at 19, and my folks told me that was that, if I wanted to go back to school I'd have to pay for it myself.

It feels like I'm watching time pass me by as the people around me grow too. I take care of them as they do what they need to in order to become who they want to be.

And now that I think on that, isn't that such an important fucking job? Isn't it kind of incredible that I'm comfortable enough in my skin to be able to get in the dirt and remove the weeds so that she can grow?

I guess, now that I'm thinking about it, that was always my thing. I've always loved taking care of and helping others. I think, now that I'm really considering it, I could be happy doing this for a very long time. School won't take forever, and eventually she won't need me to do this for her, but I think for now, I can just take joy in watching her find her confidence again.

Anyway, I've spent too long writing this. If anyone wants to play Final Fantasy, hit me up!

#blog #journal #time #getting older

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