#i'm having a good-ish week so far with my pain but that doesn't mean it is gone

[uncanny-tranny]

I think when people conceptualize pain and disability, what they think of is something like this:

It's conceptualized as something you are cured from, that pain can be only temporary, and you will one day "get better."

In reality, it's something more like this:

Pain is often non-linear in nature. When you see somebody in low-pain days, weeks, or perhaps longer, that doesn't mean that they have "healed." Not all pain is curable, and the idea that it is is only hurting people who experience pain. Yes, it is uncomfortable to imagine that we might not be able to heal, that we might, in fact, become disabled by pain that will never heal. But running from this possibility is not the solution.

[codfanficedits]

Before the mask - Part eleven.

Pairing: Simon Riley x Fem!Reader

Summary: Because Simon wasn’t born as Ghost.

Wordcount: 1529| Rating: E! (18+ only!)

Warnings: None.

A/N: Simon would be around 22/23 in this fic, so it would be set around 2015 ish? A little something to start the week.

No, no, no, those cursed words bring a horrible feeling to your stomach.

We need to talk.

Nothing good has ever come from those words.

“Yeah.” You mutter awkwardly. “I guess we do need to talk.”

There is a tension between the two of you, both uncertain what to say, both of you not thinking this far ahead.

“My quarters?” Simon finally asks, feeling that being in his own space will give him the higher ground, and you just nod, your feet feeling heavy when you cover the small piece of hallway separating the two of you.

You want him to reach out, to embrace you when you walk past him to get into his room. But he doesn’t, and you don’t know how to vocalize your need for his touch.

Simon on the other hand, is too scared that you’ll leave him, that your version of this talk is to break up with him, why else would you look at him with such a pained expression on your face?

He is hesitant, but his hand reaches out to your face, holding you by your chin so you’ll look at him.

"I'm tired, Simon." You eventually managed to say, breaking the silence between the two of you.

You couldn't look him in the eyes anymore, so you shifted your eyes to the floor. "When I tell you I'm overwhelmed and I need some time alone after a full day of being together, you act like I'm rejecting you. I don't want to fight about that all the time." You pulled your face away from his grip, shaking your head.

The muscles on Simon’s jaw tensed and his nostrils widened as if he was trying to suppress his anger. He was quiet for a long moment, just staring at your pleading eyes.

Then his expression softened and he wrapped his arms around you. He rested his chin on top of your hair and mumbled into the back of your neck. “I’m sorry, love. I’m just scared, that’s all.”

"Scared of what?" You ask him, as you melted into his hug, your hands resting on his waist.

"When I say I need some time alone, it doesn't mean I want to leave you. It just means that I want to spend some time by myself." You eventually said.

“I know it doesn’t mean you want to leave me. But that’s what I’m scared of. Losing you.” Simon said. “When you need alone time, it makes me think that you’re unhappy. And that maybe you’ll get tired of me being around all the time and we’ll grow apart. Then you’ll find someone else-“

It did make sense, especially after what your grandma had told you, after she had shown you a little bit of her vulnerable side. And it was a little endearing, to see how he had gotten attached to you, how much he valued your relationship. But the way things were handled, from either of you, wasn’t the way to go.

"You won't lose me." You answered him. "Just because I need some time alone. Doesn't mean I'll leave you, Simon."

He knows, he knows you won’t suddenly leave him, but it’s hard to believe, especially when your desire to be alone, just came out of the blue for him.

“I don’t get it.” He murmured softly. “We were having such a good time, and suddenly you’re telling me you need some time alone. Help me understand.”

You pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. “I know.”

“Sometimes, I get overwhelmed. It is usually when I’ve been out, when I’ve been socializing too long. Everything just feels too much and I kind of shut down.” You try to explain.

“How do you do this with missions?” He asks. “I’ve never seen this with you before.”

“I’ve learned how to suppress it, and you know. I mostly keep to myself. Avoid eye contact, small talk, that sort of thing. And once we’re back, I need the whole night to decompress again.”

His fingers brush a strand of hair out of your face. “Why haven’t you told me before?”

You shrug, you had gotten so used to doing things on your own, it hadn’t even occurred to you that you could just tell him, or ask for help. “I don’t know.” You mutter. “I’ve been dealing with it for so long, by myself, that I had gotten used to it by now.”

Of course.

He should’ve known this was your reasoning. He should’ve known you would be too proud, too stubborn to even think about asking for help.

“I’ll try to be better. Just promise you’ll keep communicating with me, I don’t want our relationship to suffer anymore.” He tightened his grip around you a little. “I will try and react different when you need some time alone, but for the love of God, talk to me about it.”

"I'll communicate it better." You promised. "I get that it was all of the sudden, and I do get that you reacted a little defensive about it."

"Look at us talking about this like grown-ups." You said with a chuckle.

He gave you a small smile as his breathing slowed. His grip around you loosened as everything finally settled.

“Yeah. Look at us.” He chuckled with you. “The next time you need some space I’ll try not to take it so personally.” He nuzzled your neck as he held you close, taking in your scent and feeling the familiar rhythm of your heartbeat against his chest.

“You got me all worried.” He whispered softly. “I could hear you crying through the wall and it broke my heart thinking it was because of me.”

“It was because of this fight.” You admitted quietly. “I spoke to my dad, and my grandma, and she gave me some good advice. Really called me out on my bullshit too.”

Simon chuckled softly, planting a kiss on your hair. “Your grandmother does seem like the type of person to not hold back.”

“Sorry I made you feel this way.” Simon continues. “I should not have taken my insecurities out on you.”

“No, I’m sorry.” You answer. “It wasn’t fair of me to shut you out and then demand that you give me some time alone. I also should not have called you dramatic.”

He laughs at your words, looking back, it did feel silly to lash out like that to you, he was being a little dramatic. “It’s okay.” He tells you. “We’ve talked about it, and the only way from here is forward.”

Simon wants you to stay the night, more than anything. He wants to feel you close, to hold you to him, to make up to you in more than one way, but right now, right now he is scared of being rejected, of saying the wrong thing and to create that distance again.

But he had promised to communicate more, and that should start now. “What do you want to do for tonight?” His voice is soft, a little too soft, almost as if he is afraid to ask you this question. “I know you said you wanted to spend the night apart, but I really need some physical contact.”

You think about it, you had said you wanted to sleep the night alone, and you still wanted it, you still needed a little space to breathe.

“I do want to sleep on my own tonight.” You answer him. “But we can stay like this a little longer.”

It isn’t the answer he had hoped he would’ve get, but he understands, so his grip around you tightens and he buries his face into the crook of your neck. “That does sound like a plan to me.”

There is something about holding you that brings him peace of mind, that makes it easier for him to be, to just exist. But all good things come to an end, and he realizes that it might be for the best to spend the night apart, to both be reminded that you’re still your own person.

Simon is reluctant when he loosens his grip. “I do need your help tomorrow, making that paper mâché mask.” He knows he could probably do it on his own, but he just wants an excuse to spend some more time with you.

And in return you nod with a slight smile. “Of course. I didn’t spend my whole day getting supplies only to have you do the fun stuff by yourself.”

His lips find yours, and he savours the taste. Simon knows he should stop himself, that he will be unable to let you go if he keeps kissing you. So you ass gets a little squeeze and he steps back. His hand reaching out to your cheek, before he leans in for a final kiss.

“Okay, okay. Goodnight love.” He eventually mutters. “See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Simon.” You respond. “I’ll be at your door before you know it.”

Simon watches you leave, and it feels as if a part of him is missing. But he tells himself not to overthink it. You would be at his door before he knew it.

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

I'm not much for celebrating Yule this year. It doesn't feel like there's much to celebrate at all. A craptastic year and the recent death of Jasper...it's a day of grief and remembrance.

We're eating a comfort food of ours that has a funny memory attached to it: spaghetti. When Jasper was a kitten, we caught him wolfing down the freshly made spaghetti we had on the counter. He was in the pot, which means he immediately got a bath. He kept reaching for the pot and crying as I lifted him out of it. Husband dumped it all in the trash because gross. Jasper was less than pleased about the bath. For the next 16 years, he would cry when we had spaghetti, and in the last three years he resorted to just tapping us repeatedly while we ate. Never once did he get anything handed to him, just bits that fell on the floor. If he were with us now, he would be meowing at the jars of spaghetti sauce and boxes of pasta because he knows what they make. He would be crying loudly and trying to reach the counter, yell when he gets gently shoved aside with a foot or leg, and throw a grumpy hissy fit when physically removed from the kitchen for trying to climb our legs.

Making spaghetti will be a sad, quiet experience now. But we eat it in his memory. Because he fucking loved the stuff.

The other option was tacos, because he would get flat out aggressive with those. Thankfully, his fear of the toaster kept him off the counter. But he would be more than happy to get on the table and help himself to the taco meat and cheese. We had nachos and taco last year, and super salty food isn't particularly appealing to me right now. Spaghetti sounds great.

As for why Jasper was afraid of the toaster...

We adopted him from the rescue shelter when he was eight weeks old. So this was a couple weeks after that. He was a whole two pounds of fluff, super small and adorable, and loved being carried around. I set him on the counter while I waited for the toaster to go off, setting up a plate to put it on. Jasper gets up real close to the toaster, sniffing at it because mmmm, that smells interesting. Then the bagels pop up and he falls off the counter in a panic, full poof, shits right there on the floor, and is SHAKING before he tries running off. He ends up getting a bath because he stepped in his mess, and I also had to clean up said mess. After that, he never opted to get on the counter again if the toaster was within sight. If he was in the kitchen when it went off, he'd poof and run to the litter box.

We miss Jasper. It's been less than a month since we had to euthanize him due to cancer. We have no celebration within us. I'm in pain because of long term covid effects, and grieving made them worse. Husband is a mess because he and Jasper shared a special bond that only fellow pet owners can comprehend.

This year, there is nothing to celebrate. It's been a hard and horrific year with few good things, and not enough to balance out how bad it's been. Sure, we bought our house, but it was a decision forced upon us due to an eviction without cause (legal here if the tenant has been living in the house/apartment for less than a year). We also had very limited time to find a home. No one had a place for us to rent that wasn't month-to-month and within our budget and the size we need. Husband started a new job, but the location and position were tearing him apart; thankfully, he's been moved to a different location and job position, which starts in January. We contracted covid just days after starting the new job. His experience was very minor, and he seriously considered taking me to the hospital. Being sick set back my plans for making holiday gifts and filling my shop inventory with seasonal stuff (autumn, Halloween, winter, decorations). I'm still dealing with the effects with my ears being a wreck (gonna be seeing a specialist soon-ish). Husband had to see a doctor, and not having signed up for insurance yet, it's cost us just under $500 (far less than what I was expecting), but we're making monthly payments without too much trouble; just $310 left to pay. We're still paying off Jasper's vet bills from last year, around $700 now.

It would take something truly amazing to improve this year for us. I don't see that happening without some sort of miracle.

I hope 2023 is significantly better. Lots of major good things, lots of good news, and very little and very minor negative things and news. May the gods see fit to make 2023 a good year for Husband and me. My ears being cured of this fuckery before the end of January would be a great start.

[doodlebloo]

no!!! i saw those tags share older _beloved family thoughts!!! genuinely they occupy my brain constantly id love to hear ur thoughts on it (/nf ofc!)

Ok anons here are my boring thoughts !!!

(ALL /RP!)

Okay well first of all I think that Michael is already/nearly 6 when they finally move into the mansion, when cRanboo gets revived in canon he and cTubbo are going to have FARRR too many issues to work through for it to be a good decision to jump into living together. BUT I said far future, as in years and years into the future, & also I may talk about what I think about their Near future more somewhere erm else hehe

Reckon Tommy doesn't move in with them because he's his own person and all of that, but Tubbo finally completes the hyperloop's intended purpose of leading all the way to Tommy's house, so even though Tommy doesn't live next to them or anything they still all see each other a lot :)

I think that cBeeduo for sure adopt another kid once Michael is like 8-ish, I don't think they really mean to and I think they're VERY reluctant about it because even with a relatively peaceful server they have a crisis where they wonder if the child would even be better off with them, like would Michael have been happier living as an orphan in the Nether than getting attached to parents but then having one die and being ripped away from the surviving one for a few weeks? Like they just know that Michael ended up a bit traumatized and worry about adopting another. BUT they go through with it and it turns out to be really good for them (and Michael too)

I feel like once Michael is in his early teens he starts going out adventuring, at first it's Tubbo and Ranboo both going with him on Totem Journeys and the like, not too dangerous but still fun, and then eventually Michael branches out and starts going with other people he knows, Phil and Techno take him out adventuring a lot, he goes exploring w Tommy and Wilbur, etc. & It's kind of the first time that cBeeduo are apart from him for days at a time since the Incident when he was a baby, and that's when it starts to hit cTubbo that like, "oh shit like I'm glad I have my other kid with me but it's really going to suck when Michael moves out", y'know?

And that isn't to say that cTubbo doesn't have an identity outside of being Michael's caretaker, because he very much does and I'd like to think in the future he takes time to work on his sense of purpose and such. But I just think Michael moving out would be like a phantom pain to him.

I think Michael finally moves out when he's like 19/20, he doesn't move Away away but it's not super close (think the distance between Techno's place and Snowchester (not saying Michael lives WITH Techno I just think that's how far away he'd move) somewhere far but the journey isn't that long by portal). And so they'd still have like a 13 y/o second kid on their hands but I feel like after about a month of Michael being on his own cTubbo would sit down and flip through baby photos and look at Kid 2 who has surprisingly not been traumatized very much at all and then just Impulse Adopt another toddler.

And Ranboo would definitely not be super on board at first bc he'd be worried that Tubbo was adopting another for the wrong reasons, but eventually he'd realize that they both just really like having a little one around and it would end up ok.

BUT! I think Michael would definitely have kids of his own! Which would be so fun because like. FIRST of all I love the idea of Michael not having anything normal to base relationships off of, like him being like "Dads I need advice... How did you guys propose?" And cBeeduo being like Well um. Ok well we flipped a coin and made the ring out of like grass at first like it was a literal flower stem . And then we didn't talk for like 3 days and then we adopted you. But DONT do that ok that wasn't the right way to do it akfjwjdn like idk I just like the idea of Michael being like "I can't ask my parents for advice because they have the weirdest marriage on earth and my uncle Tommy's advice always makes things worse 200% of the time" but somehow making his own relationships work anyway

OK BACK ON TRACK so if cBeeduo are both approx 18 rn and Michael has just turned 4 (my headcanon), that means that once he's around 24 they'd be like 38. And I love the idea that Michael adopts around that time because that's so funny for cBeeduo to be under 40 and have to hear themselves called "grandpa" and for cPhil to be like "Oh man it sure must suck to not even be that fucking old and be called grandpa all the time!!!" and to laugh at them until he realizes he'd technically be GREAT GRANDPA.

I just think Michael would be very gentle and sweet and that if he came across an orphan he maybe wouldn't hesitate because he knows what that's like. And he'd call up his parents like "Well now that I've decided to keep them I should probably let you meet your grandkid" and theyd be like "Aww he is just like us for real..... Wait are we fucking old"

I just want cBeeduo + Michael_B (+ everyone else on the server tbh!!!) to get quiet lives where they just live in peace and their genuine biggest problem is being BORED from the lack of things happening to them. Thanks for listening too my boring ideas

[exovapor]

I'm OBSESSED with your writing. Can you try.. Maybe, Donnie being a filthy boy being an 'stalker-ish' of his long time crush? Be checks their FB for new posts, saves every picture of them he finds? He doesn't mean to be a creep, feels guilty, but just doesn't know how to ask for more than friendship?

Good afternoon Anon. Here is my short story in relation to your ask.

I wasn't sure where you wanted me to take this, so I had to do a bit of guessing on my part. I hope this something like you were wanting.

I will admit that this ask was a bit of a struggle for me, not knowing a clear direction to take it outcome made me a little unsure of my writing and guessing abilities LOL. However, I will admit to crying along with the characters in this story more than once.

Thanks again for the ask and the initial compliment. I hope to continue to earn your favor in future posts.

· Stalker [noun]: 1a person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention. 2a person who hunts game stealthily.

· Donnie stared at the definition on his one of his monitor screens while his various other screens were busy flashing receipts of files downloaded, text trail streams from your phone, notices of any social media post/update/like/heart/emoji, a GPS line grid of your routes today (overlayed over the routes you’d taken previously), and data search hits of anything and everything that pertained to you.

· At this point, the boy had literally every picture you had ever posted, anywhere, of yourself. In fact, he had all the pictures that other people posted of you in them. He had even gone through the effort of designing a face recognition program that picks you out of the background of total strangers’ pictures and, yeah, he had those in a file too.

· He has special file folders that compile things that you like, things you don’t like, things that make you happy, things that make you sad. He is your own personal Pinterest and you didn’t even know it… and maybe that is the part that keeps bothering him so much.

· He sits staring at that word and definition and chewing his bottom lip. True, he knows the word and the meaning, but he needed to LOOK at it, analyze it, mull it over in his guilt ridden brain.

· He just KNEW the word Stalker couldn’t apply to him.

· After all, he isn’t harassing or persecuting you, you don’t know! So, it isn’t necessarily ‘unwanted attention’. It is just…unknown attention.

· Stealthily, hmmmm, did that part apply to him? Well, He isn’t EXACTLY being stealthy.

· If you knew about technology like him, then you would probably see his programs running on your devices and be alerted to his activities. AND, if you shared his love and view of technology, then you would probably be more understanding of his activities and not consider them stealthy…just data mining. In fact, you might applaud him.

· ‘Ok, that was taking it a bit too far’, Donnie thinks to himself and he feels a band tighten and squeeze around his infatuated heart.

· He is almost certain that you would be shocked to learn of his extra curricular activities and how they revolve around every aspect of you.

· Regardless of how he tried to spin the truth and wiggle out of the definition of stalker, Donnie still felt guilty for invading your privacy. However, he honestly couldn’t help himself…at least not anymore.

· He has fought the urge, the nagging thoughts and the burning need, to know more about you for what seemed like an eternity.

· Listen to him, he is starting to sound dramatic like Mikey! What is his turning into? He is losing his rational edge!

· To be accurate, it hasn’t been an eternity. In fact, he has known you 1 year, 36 days, 14 hours, 11 minutes, and 23 seconds to be exact. However, you started occupying space in his mind 2 minutes into meeting you and your claim over his mind has grown exponentially over time.

· You were quiet and reserved during that first meeting, so there wasn’t much to go on. It started as a simple visual interest with a thought of ‘Oh. She’s pretty’.

· However, then you started talking and that changed everything.

· You opened up more and more each time you hung out with their little group, revealing layers and layers of interests and personality. You were fascinating…and that’s when his thoughts about you really started to snowball and spiral out of control.

· You went from being a simple pretty face to being a walking embodiment of everything he seriously ever dreamed of having in a mate.

· Early on, there were three sticking points that really made Donnie’s feelings problematic. 1. He was a nearly seven foot tall walking talking turtle and you weren’t. 2. You had a boyfriend that you were deeply in love with and adored. 3. Donnie was too insecure about #1 and how you felt about inter-species dating to let you know that you had started to OWN his heart.

· Now, thanks to his surveillance, there were only two sticking points….#1 and #3.

· He still remembers the feelings of that day, 44 days ago, when the blip of information popped up on this screen alerting him to the fact that your boyfriend was starting to stray.

· Donnie had severely conflicting feelings bombard him at once and it was overwhelming.

· The initial knee jerk reaction was elation, one of the problems blocking him from you may soon be null.

· However, the feeling of elation only lasted for a second or two before the intense anger and sadness set in. Donnie was honestly shocked at the depth of his anger, he didn’t even know he had that level of malice in him. Had he been in physical proximity to your boyfriend at that moment in time, Donnie isn’t sure that he wouldn’t have hurt your guy…or worse.

· How COULD this guy do this? WHY would he? He HAD YOU! What the heck was this guy thinking? Not only did he have you, but you thought the world of him. When you spoke about him you would smile so genuinely, your eyes would shine and gaze off into a bright imagined future. Donnie was always so jealous to watch it happen, he wondered what it would be like to be THAT GUY. And here the idiot was throwing it all away and meeting up with another girl!

· WHAT THE…(yes, this called for a curse) HELL…IS WRONG WITH HUMAN MEN?

· As the anger set root in his heart, the sadness engulfed Donnie like an all-consuming wave. He realized he was going to have to share this information with you, somehow, and that he was going to have to watch as it destroyed you.

· At first, Donnie had a plan to try and save you both from that fate. True, it would hurt him more to save your relationship, but he would rather be the one facing the pain and not you.

· He TRIED to circumvent the situation. He sent anonymous messages to your boyfriend stating that he knew about the infidelity and that he would tell you if needed. However, it didn’t seem like your boyfriend cared because he sent messages back stating Donnie could, basically, go fuck himself.

· Life had cruel sense of irony, thought Donnie, that is exactly what I do since this moron has the woman that I love.

· So, after trying for nearly two weeks to stop what was happening behind your back, Donnie had no choice but to let you in on the secret.

· Donnie couldn’t come right out and tell you that he caught your boyfriend cheating by hijacking your data streams and the data streams of those around you. So, Donnie intercepted some texts between your boyfriend and his mistress and he then sent you a text, under the guise of your boyfriend, telling you to meet him at a specified restaurant for a date.

· It had been a gut wrenching night for Donnie. He remembered watching it all play out on camera feeds from around the restaurant and street outside. He watched you dressed up in your pretty dress get out of your cab in front of the restaurant. You had such a lovely smile on your face, you must have thought you were in for a romantic evening.

· He watched as you walked inside and how the hostess got flustered and confused by a 2nd girl showing up for your boyfriend’s seated-for-two table.

· Donnie stopped breathing as your eyes found the new couple holding hands and giving each other sweet kisses across the table. Hands and lips that were supposed to be yours were touching some stranger.

· Donnie watched your smile and eyes die…the light of your inner sun go out…

· …and it killed him.

· He’s not sure who was crying the hardest, you standing there in that restaurant witnessing the scene or him back at the lair watching your world crush around you on his monitor.

· It had taken a while for you both to recover from that night.

· His brothers noticed his melancholy mood for a couple of weeks but Donnie wouldn’t tell them what was bothering him. And you stayed in your bed, refusing to face the world, for nearly as long.

· Eventually, the group began to notice your silence and absence, so April stopped by your apartment to check on you. She was the one to pull you out of bed, get you to shower and eat. She visited everyday and made sure you had someone to vent to and a shoulder to cry on.

· Donnie was glad that April could be there for you when he couldn’t. He didn’t think it was appropriate for him, a male, to be your confidant at that time. Especially since he felt so much guilt over having to be the one to expose you to that pain.

· No, he didn’t CAUSE the pain, but he did have to make you face it and he didn’t like not being able to protect you from it. You were such a rare, precious creature and watching you in pain felt like he was suffocating slowly.

· There were some points during those first few weeks that he questioned if he did the right thing, but logic told him it would have eventually come to pass with or without his involvement. It was better to rip the bandage of quickly and let you start to heal than it was to let you linger and drag out the inevitable.

· Donnie did secretly check on you every single night during patrol. And, of course, his surveillance feeds were always running. He watched from a distance as his beautiful phoenix burn down to ashes and, eventually, started to rise again.

· Now, it’s been over 3 months and you’ve begun to be more like your old self. Donnie can tell there is a silent sadness there, but you are able to laugh and smile with the group during your get togethers. And each time you two are left alone, his mind nags at him about those last two sticking points.

· Would you be at all interested in him? And HOW does he go about telling you that you have become the center of his world?

· Still staring at the monitor and the Stalker definition, Donnie sighs and rubs the bridge of his snout to release of the pressure now pushing against the inside of his head. The memories of what has happened, the emotions of what was and what is, it was all starting to be too much.

· “Bro, what’s all this?”, Mikey says standing behind Donnie’s chair, talking around a mouth full of pizza.

· “NOTHING!”, says Donnie, voice breaking from the stress of being caught. A startled Donnie quickly taps some keys on his keyboard and the screens revert back to the standard lair camera feeds.

· Mikey may look or even come off as naïve at times, but he’s no fool, he can sense that his older brother is trying to hide something. “Dude, seriously, what was that? I’ve been standing back here reading the screens. I saw Y/N’s name and that looked like her phone number on that other file…, you know the file that looks like texts messages. And why is there a plotted map of the area around her apartment, her work, and to the lair? What’s up?”, Mikey said giving a disapproving look at being thought a pushover.

· “Just standard surveillance, Mikey, nothing to worry about.”, Donnie says trying to placate Mikey’s curiosity. Donnie hates lying, especially to Mikey, but he’s feeling so guilty about being such a…(inward sigh)…stalking creep that admitting the truth is hard to do.

· Mikey stands there staring at Donnie and, as he does, Donnie begins to fidget with his computer chair armrests.

· Mikey stuffs the remnants of the pizza slice into his mouth and does his best Leo impersonation by crosses his arms and staring down at Donnie as sternly as his jolly face can achieve, “Dude, I’m not going to ask you again. You’ve been weird for months. We’ve let it go for the most part but now you are hiding things from me…from ME, dude! You and I, we’re like peanut butter and jelly, we’re ice cream and chocolate fudge, we young dudes have got to stick together. Trust me, bro, I’ve got you!”.

· Donnie stared at the floor, too ashamed to meet Mikey’s eyes any longer. He gave a heavy sigh and reluctantly started to speak, “Sorry Mike, I…I honestly don’t know what’s come over me lately. I’m doing things I never thought I would do, I’m feeling so guilty about it, but I don’t know if I can stop doing it either. I feel…lost.”.

· Mike relaxed his leader stance and leaned against one of Donnie’s lab tables, “Bro, I can tell you’ve been carrying some heavy stuff lately. You need to let it out.”

· Donnie felt the heat rise up through his body like he was suddenly being consumed by a fire and he ripped his glasses off his face and drew them down on the desk in frustration, “Mikey, I’m in love with Y/N. I have been for a while. I have been…”, Donnie hangs his head in shame, “…tracking all her digital foot prints and watching her. In fact, I’m the reason she found out that asshole boyfriend of her's cheated.”

· Mikey’s mouth drops open at Donnie’s demeanor and use of the word ‘asshole’, “Whoa, dude, why didn’t you say something earlier?”.

· Donnie can feel a stinging at the corners of his eyes, this was so embarrassing, so frustrating, so…..so many things at a once. He didn’t have a response for Mikey, all he could do was shake his head.

· Still with his head hung down and staring at the floor, Donnie starts to hear Mikey chuckle. Donnie looks up to see Mikey’s eyes on him and for some reason they are full of merriment at his painful dilemma. Donnie stares at his, normally, very considerate brother in astonishment, this isn’t like Mikey at all!

· “Mikey, I’m more than serious here, now is not the time to make fun of me. What is so funny?”, Donnie asks exasperatedly.

· Mikey shakes his bald head and claps his brother on the shoulder with his green hand, “Bro, she thinks you’re cute.”.

· “W-What?!”, Donnie stammers out.

· Mikey, still chuckling, says, “Yeah, dude, that’s why I asked WHY you didn’t say something about liking her sooner, she’s always thought you were cute. She and I talk about it all the time.”.

· Donnie just stares at his jolly brother in silence. His mind is too blown to form a sentence.

· Mikey turns to leave stating, “And by the way, dude, stop watching her like that…that’s just creepy.”.

@turtle-babe83 @tmntspidergirl @kokokatsworld @nittleboo @the-second-circle-of-shell

[nangmaiba]

Nathan James

7 17 2015

The most Scariest and Blessed day of my life so far.

I have never been so scared in my entire life until that day came. I’ll tell the whole story here on tumblr.

My due date was on the July 15th of the year 2015. 2 weeks before the due date, my awesome OB performed and IE and told me that I should walk at least 200m to 500m a day to avoid a cesarean section. So on those past few days before due date, I managed to walk to some parts of our village and completed what the ob said.

On our second to the last appointment, I was still 2cm dilated, our ob said after the IE. Still in dismay, I asked questions on how to resolve the problem and might want other plans just in case. She said that we still have our last week to adhere to the parameters needed to have a Normal delivery. If it didn’t work, she’ll have to induce the labor to avoid stress to the baby. Also she saw some white-ish particles in the ultrasound (white ink on the ultrasound is what you can see on the ultrasound like the baby, some particles and other thing-y, and the black ink particles there is the water.) It could be the baby’s poop or the water level is too thick. (The water is too mature and starting to degrade *not a healthy sign when the baby is still inside*)

Then the next day, I started to walk twice the length of the first prescription. Then the last check up came. It was July 15, 2015. OB performed IE and still, i was still 2 cm dilated. I am expecting that I am at least 4-5 cm dilated. I was so disappointed that day.

Then, our OB gave us a choice to wait for a week or to perform an Induced Labor the next day pronto. We decided to get the baby out the next day. I arranged my things, phone, towel and the baby bag.

On July 16, 2015, Me and The Husband went to the hospital. We filled up the sheets and all, while I’m still waiting for my natural labor to come. After 2-3 hours, the nurse put on an IV on me. I can’t remember what it is I think Oxytocin. My sister came and she’s all out support. (goodie)

I was hungry so Hubs went to buy noodles. Then My OB came and said I can’t eat anymore due to the IV. ughhh. Fast forward, I was being induced that moment. It was 4:00 pm. I was transferred to the 2nd floor. where the labor room, operating room, and the nursery/NICU room are. Then there’s so many nurses and I was still in bed. Then they transferred me to another wheeled bed and I waited for like an hour outside the rooms. I can’t feel any pain. Then, they attached some things on my Belly. It’s a machine that can monitor your contractions. 

It’s like a lie detector test but attached to my belly. Once the thin needle draw earthquake like readings, I just felt some tingling sensation. Then they said, that’s it, it’s a contraction! But I said, is that it? I mean it’s not painful at all. They said, I have a strong pain tolerance. Other mum’s out there felt that painful enough to push. (I felt those tingling sensations 1 and a half weeks prior to this scenario so I guess i was unconsciously having contractions for like 1 and a half weeks until this. :> )

Next thing I know I was transferred again to another room, the Labor room where I had to be induced until the next morning. That whole day was a tiring day since you've haven't had any food, when I was inside the room, that's where all the pain started. The contractions are getting bigger and stronger and longer to the point that I'm making painful gestures with all the wires attache to me and my belly because of the IV Drip. I took a photo of my belly dull of stretch marks to ease the pain. The contractions were a 5-10minute apart. And the nurses are always there, friendly and always checking on me. They even turned off the lights so that I could sleep.

The next day came, July 17, 2015 5am and no progress yet. Still 2cm dilated. Oh by the way, I had 2 female nurses and 1 male nurse which is very friendly and all out support on me too since he knew my sister, he was always on my call. So glad! If it wasn't for him our bills had started to sky-rocket! He said it's the nurses' prerogative to check for the used meds and all but this male nurse, he came into conclusion that I wasn't even in the OR yet and still inside the Labor Room which is BTW has minimal charge unlike if I was staying in the hospital room sooo, yep, good point nurse!

Also, since I haven't eaten anything since yesterday, he said, he will give me food(thank you po lord) but it's our(and the female nurses) secret coz we're not allowed to eat in here. Lol

The monde's mamon and 1 skyflakes pack is all I got to munch on but nonetheless, it sufficed.

Then every 5 mins of all the hours remaining until 6pm in the afternoon is painful since the ob said we need to add dosage to the IV so that I could be in total-labor. That's a total bummer.

3pm, I saw a woman on a hospital bed i think she's injected with anesthesia and the sleeping drug already since she's very calm and she was just on the room for like 5minutes and after that, she went straight to the OR and then performed scheduled C-section. After about 2-3 hours, she was on the labor room again and she's groggy due to the operation.

(I think much better to go with the scheduled one so you wouldn’t endure the pain of an induced one, still, the choice is yours!)

Fast forward, I was very stressed due to the contractions and I haven't eaten anything yet since yesterday and I was all alone in the room without the husband nor the sister. We just communicate through texts.

6:10pm the ob came and said it's time to do the inevitable.

***Cesarean-section***

so I was in labor for a total of 24 hours plus+++++. 😭

I was very nervous that time. So many what if's and all. Someone gave me papers to sign for the approval of doing the c-Section procedure. And then they proceeded to put me into the Operating room. Hubby isn’t allowed at the OR idk why I think, hispital rules? The nurses transferred me to a cross like operating bed and waited for the anesthesiologist to inject some on my spine.

They said this part was a very painful one but It doesn't friggin' hurt. I think i just felt an ant bite on my back but it doesn't really hurt. I think I just had the best anesthesiologist in town.(and a pricey one too 😂)

Anyways after that it immediately spread unto the lower part if my body until the ob came and she said to fasten my arms to the crossed➕ bed and they're checking on my bp. I had High BP that time since I was very nervous. And the aircon was on my feet. Its very cold and I dont know what to expect. Also the very unexpected shoulder dance! After they injected some med on the IV, My shoulders started to shudder like crazy! It’s like I was limbo rocking in the OR ofc without any prizes and consolations. The doctors inside told me it was perfectly normal. But wth I didn’t know about and didn’t signed up for that. LOL—

Anyways, we waited for my bp to low down until the ob sent the go signal.

This time They put a green barrier on my chest and lower stomach so i can't see how they slice up my belly.

Then the ob asked what would be the type of cut I want, bikini or normal cut, she said it doesn't have a difference in terms of the price since it's always up to the doctors to put their price tag on that, so I said, “Okay Doc, Bikini Cut!”

Then she started. They were chatting while cutting me! They’re like conyo and laughing but I don’t mind, it eases my mind and their conversation felt comfortable, they’re also chatting with me a little (para mapa-kalma ako) the anesthesiologist and my ob. And then after 20 minutes or so, she said,

“Oh, that's why he hasn't gone down on you because he's had two umbilical cord on his neck!”

2 rounds of umbilical cord on his neck?!—

When I heard that, I was like, WTF! You wanna die even before you're born? Lol Anyways. I was shocked and at the same time grateful to my ob since she didn't hesitate to decide on doing the procedure later.

The I heard him crying! Goodness gracious! It was a very tearful moment but I didn't cry. Lol he was put on my chest and unto my breast to start latching but I dunno he can't but whatevs. (We did delay cord-clamping, best decision ever)

After that the anesthesiologist came and put on the sleeping drug so that they can continue to the operation and stitched my belly back.

After 1 minute, I was very sleepy and blacked out for realzz. The moment I woke up I was in the Labor room already and the pedia checked on me and told me my baby was on the NICU and my husband was with the baby and all things doctor-ish that I can't totally remember because I was friggin groggy. Then after that I passed out again, I was then transferred to my room at about 10pm that day and I can't stand nor put my upper body up because it's so painful and the doctor advised me not to get up yet.

When the baby's there, I can’t see him kasi the cot is high so I got my phone and took a picture of him while laying on the bed. Lol.

But this momma is pasaway so she got up and tried to breastfeed the bear, hence the photo below:

Anyways. That's it!

Welcome to the cruel world with your crazy yet awesome pair of parents,

Nathan James!

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