#i'm gonna make a post about it pretty soon
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Hii, I hope you're doing well!! This is my first time requesting so I was REALLY nervous :")) I saw some posts about Y/N accidentally calling some of the creeps their "husband", and I was wondering if you could do one with Jeff? I'm really curious of how it would be like with him and I really like him ^^
Listen. Listen. This man has been wormed into my brain for the longest time and my softness for him came out today, and this became like twice as long as I originally meant to to be, because I love him. I honestly ended up wanting it to be longer, but this took me way too long to write, so I cut it short. I hope you enjoy <3
While Jeff would never, ever admit it to anyone, he has spent hours thinking about what it would be like to be married to you. To be married to you, live with you, be able to wake up to you every single day, for everyone around the two of you to fully know you belong to each other. The unfortunate downside to that fact is that Jeff doesn't think he deserves it. He doesn't believe he deserves to be so happily married to you with all of the horrible things he's done, with all the horrible trauma he regularly has to deal with and make you put up with (despite you routinely telling him it doesn't bother you at all and you love him all the same, flaws and all). He thinks you're just far too good for him, and so the bitter, depressed part of his brain constantly tells him that'll never happen.
So, needless to say, Jeff is about to get his shit rocked mentally. The two of you were out and about, and you'd bumped into an old friend (i.e., someone important in Jeff's eyes), and introduced them to Jeff. Jeff, in his attempt to seem like a decent person under the watchful eyes of someone you have known for such a long time, does pull himself off pretty well, at least until you accidentally slip up and refer to Jeff as your husband. He feels like you've just punched him straight in the gut. He can't breathe, his heart is hammering in his chest, and he feels like he's gonna vomit, but he carries on with a passive smile, hiding all of his inner turmoil, keeping it locked inside until the two of you can get away from all of the prying eyes in this public space. The entire way home he still feels like he's gonna be sick, trying everything he can just to keep it together. The second you're through your front door he's wheeling around and pinning you to it, arms beside your head as his chest heaves, eyes slicked with a mixture of tears, confusion, and desperation. You can't tell what's wrong with him, and he can't tell why he's reacting so strongly, his mind foggy amidst his air-deprived anxiety attack. The two of you stand there, your hands comfortingly cupping his face while you coach him to breathe, to calm down.
By the time he's caught his breath, he's leaning on you, his body weighing against you as you rest against the door behind you. His arms are tight around your waist as his face nuzzles against your neck, and you're overcome with intense worry, unaware of what got him like this in the first place. "Did you mean it...?" His voice eventually trails off, and the emotion in his voice is untraceable, his trauma brain overtaking as your words replay in his mind over and over again. Your brows knit together as you try to figure out just what it is he's referring to, and he answers the question for you, saying he meant when you referred to him as your husband. He looks absolutely broken in your arms, and a lightbulb goes off in your mind as you finally realize why. You've heard it, the things he says to Liu, or BEN, his words about how he doesn't deserve you, how you deserve to marry someone better than him, soon followed by their chastising words about how that's not true, and suddenly his worrisome behavior from the last few hours that you've picked up on (because you always notice these things) suddenly makes sense.
You reassure him that of course you meant it, why wouldn't you? Jeff feels like he's being chastised once more, his cheeks puffed out in a pout as he avoids looking at you as you lecture him about how you'd love to marry him one day, and how he absolutely deserves to have you, how you're not too good for him, a lecture you should have given him long ago. He ignores the tears streaming down his face once more, ignores the thudding of his own heart in his chest, ignores the dying voice of denial in the back of his mind, but what he can't ignore is your lips slotting so perfectly against his own, or your fingers stroking along his scars in the way that always makes him fall apart. He's still not completely sure he deserves you, but goddamnit, with the way you're looking at him right now, he's sure as hell not gonna let anyone else marry you and take you away from him. Not with how tenderly you're holding him, how gently you're pressing your lips across his scorched skin, not with how lovingly you're gazing at him, as if he's the most beloved person in your life, because of course he is to you, just as you are to him. 'Husband' ends up becoming one of your favorite nicknames for him following that day, a nickname that always has his skin flushing red and his eyes softening in a way they only do for you. A nickname for now, and a title not too far into the future that he wears with pride.
#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanons#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta x reader#jeff the killer headcanons#jeff the killer#jeff the killer headcanon#jeff the killer x reader
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Got a strange craving to customized my tumblr blog with the navigation and like tags and so on
#what are you doing!!! you're supposed to be doing work rn!!#i just wanna talk about my favorite underrated duos/trios and its near and dear to my heart#like destiny duo or tsunami duo#and the stranded trio my beloveds#i'm gonna make a post about it pretty soon
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s3 episode 11 thoughts
dare i say it… new favorite episode?
whatever expectations i had, they were blown away. usually the episode after a two episode arc feels weird and stiff, but this? this hit every box on a checklist i didn’t even know i had.
i’m bouncing off the walls right now. i'm pacing my room and mumbling to myself while gesticulating wildly. i am filled with an energy that caffeine has not ONCE given me. and it's called "your character, that is so near and dear to you, got an episode dedicated just to exploring their inner life and workings and belief system and faith in God and the world". try it if you get a chance.
so let us begin. let me give you my verbatim notes, so you can watch the excitement grow.
oh boy! oh boy oh boy! i am excited! and i know by now to not expect any real continuation from the last episode, but i’m still excited because the last two were so good! and this one is like… good omens? with a kid that can start the end of the world?
wow. never have i thought to myself, how would mulder and scully handle biblical revelations? but here i am. wondering it.
hope the kid is chill. hope he has good vibes. mulder will like him anyway because he’s actually a huge softie but still better if he’s got good vibes.
we open on a sermon. the priest or pastor- depending on the denomination- whatever his title is, he is talking about faith. saying that miracles are real. and now he’s shaking and moaning. is this one of those churches?
OH HE’S BLEEDING from between his knuckles like some sort of blood wolverine. people are looking at him, thinking, what is going on? and this is something i am also wondering. maybe it was fake though…. little capsules in his hands, maybe???
he’s dabbing off his makeup now. as a man enters his dressing room. saying that some people really do believe. but he’s being weird.
and then this guy escalates to murder. and when he touches this pastor he’s burning up??? huh??? a firebender?? in pennsylvania??
THE INTRO WAS DIFFERENT AGAIN THIS TIME. WHY DOES IT CHANGE. i have come to know these beats VERY well!! they are like a heartbeat to me. you cannot simply alter them as you see fit!
scully looking at the body of the dead pastor/priest, talking about how it looks like rope burns around his neck. mulder crouching VERY close by.
HEHEHEHEHE mulder is like “he was bleeding from his hands like the crucifixion” and scully goes “stigmata?” heheheheheeeee i’m blushing
(talking about belief systems is apparently a way to my heart? like c'mon, tell me how you understand the universe and which elements you surrender to knowing that you will never comprehend. you look cute while doing it)
no wounds on the hands, though… so mulder licks the blood. and i froze JUST as scully makes this horrified face... i’m CRYING. yes, it is fake blood, and yes, he has some on his lips and teeth, and yes, its adorable. but what a risky move!
ohhh he was wearing a sugar pump sort of thing! yum yum. couldn't be me, i'd be slurping that.
so mulder has been tracking religious murders related to stigmatics (excellent word!)
scully’s talking about how certain people believe at any given time there are 12 stigmatics in the world. and they represent the 12 apostles. and i’m blushing terribly.
nods solemnly. i am learning a lot about myself through this show.
scully you are so preeeeetty.
okay, cut to elementary school in ohio. kevin is blowing spitballs. his teacher is bullying him into doing math on the board. when all of a sudden, his hands start bleeding!! and we see that he has the holes!!!
he’s in the nurse’s office still when mulder and scully show up. damn how did they get to ohio that fast… OHHH they had put out an FBI alert and maybe this happened more than once. yes, this is exactly what is explained mere moments after i made the initial comment.
so it happened BEFORE, and they assumed it was an incident of abuse, but it wasn’t proven. still, his dad was institutionalized after saying Kevin was chosen by God. okay! things escalated.
scully is talking to the boy. she feels his forehead and says he feels feverish. okay doctor!! and she says he is very brave. queen. smart and kind.
mulder is meeting kevin’s mom. explaining that he might be in danger from a religious fanatic.
oh! the thermometer in his mouth broke. straight up exploded. hope that was fake mercury in there.
they’re going to put kevin back “into the shelter” which i feel like would make him an easier target for a serial killer?? but on the off chance it WAS his mom, it would make him safer. so mixed feelings here.
mom yells at the teacher, teacher says she loves her job, and mulder has this excellent smile. then waves scully out to leave. it was kinda funny to me for some reason, the waving her out. quite domestic.
mulder thinks the kid did the cuts to himself to get his father back. hmm. not buying it. so they go to talk to kevin's dad.
dad claims the forces of darkness have been watching kevin. in the great war between good and evil. he’s really talking to scully and he says they just “come full circle to find the truth”. she says dude idk what that means?? and he says “you will” okay... i’m creeped out a bit!!!
kevin is back at the children’s home. telling a bunch of other kids scary stories. and he seems to be explaining a scary guy who is walking into the building as the storytelling goes on. just as the scary guy enters, all the kids leave. scary guy is looking at the wounds on kevin’s hands!
soon after, mulder is with the group of children who saw the guy. we learn here that mulder is 6 foot 1. which is very funny.
kevin was abducted by the fellow it seems he was describing before his arrival!!! and his mom seems to blame scully. she looks really upset.
they see the drawing that they think does not look like a real person, and kevin’s mom is like it’s owen, who did the yard work.
so it’s owen time. he’s carved noah’s ark and he has kevin. but he says he can’t let him go home. because it isn’t safe. he refers to himself as kevin’s guardian angel. hmm. that makes me suspicious.
owen grabs a shotgun when a car pulls up. but the agents get him to put it down and scully is on a quest to find the little dude. and he was there… but now he isn’t?
so owen says God asked him to protect kevin.
OH ANGRY MULDER IS GONNA QUOTE SCRIPTURE AT YOU!!!!! now give him some DAMN ANSWERS!
owen is like, well YOU believe, don’t you scully, because you have that necklace on. he’s calling her a BAD CHRISTIAN??? the audacity….
then owen gets up and JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW??? and runs away??? somehow??
(mulder jumped down from the porch to chase owen, and his big coat floated around him like a cape... i giggled)
now where did this dude go...?
kevin made it home!!! he’s yelling for his mom. she doesn’t seem to be there, but someone rang the doorbell. and we only see a quick glance but it LOOKS like the killer!!!
who burns off the doorknob with his firebending!!! so yes, it is the og killer from the start of the episode! he comes in and asks for kevin. saying he knows he’s here.
mom, now would be a good time to roll up with a gun.
he picks up a family photo and sees kevin in a picture then checks the closet to see if he’s in there but kevin is in the hamper. and the hamper is bleeding!!! dead giveaway.
but owen rolls up just as the firebender guy opens the hamper, and starts fighting for him!! so kevin is making a break for it!!!
he runs and runs and RUNS INTO MULDER!!!! scully is telling him that he will be okay.
they only find dead owen. no firebender.
and kevin asks scully if she was sent to protect him… she does not seem to know what to say because. do you mean like by the government... or jesus?
autopsy time!!!! she’s talking into the voice recorder like always. it always gives vlog energy. anyway, his body looks very much alive. despite the very much dead thing.
mulder interrupts this. and scully asks him to SMELL the dude. he obliges. with only a smirk!
scully says he smells a bit… floral.
OMG!! OMG I RECOGNIZE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. they talk about it in the brothers karamazov, how a holy body is said to stay intact and even smell good when it ought to be decomposing. so the real question is: is she imagining it?
i mean, she is the body expert. so i’d want to say no. but also, this dude was playing with her head. so it’s hard to say. i'd think she would identify the body correctly no matter what, but a little smell hallucination thanks to the power of suggestion cannot be ruled out in any situation.
AND SHE TALKS ABOUT IT!! apparently it is something you learn in catechism. okay, well i just picked it up from that summer i got through that book, but we all learn somewhere. mulder is like “you’re serious?” and i feel he should be encouraging this open discussion rather than ridiculing it. AND SHE STARTS NAMING SAINTS IT HAPPENED TO!
mulder is saying that those things didn’t really happen, and i’m not taking this from alien man.
mulder has transitioned into listening mode now. OH! SCULLY! she says:
“isn’t a saint or a holy person just another term for someone who’s abnormal?”
“do you really believe that?”
“i… believe in the idea that God’s hand can be witnessed. i believe he can create miracles, yes”
“even if science can’t explain them?”
“maybe that’s just what faith is”
YES! YES I AM CHEERING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN. we were owed a scully-centric episode, and never did i even THINK we would get something so aligned with my interests that we’d start exploring her religious beliefs and how that intertwines with her faith in science and her work. that sounds like something i’d write a fic for because it’s hyper specific to my interests. but no. this is CANON!
mulder is saying that she shouldn’t get swept up in these things (and how ironic that the roles are reversed! it’s exquisite. we’ve found his weak point, he’ll believe in anything but a Christian God)
scully is lost in thought. taking a deep breath. steeling herself.
pause. it’s a scene change. but mulder has a pencil in his teeth. it’s adorable, really. he takes it out to write something.
they pulled prints from owen’s neck!! burned right onto the skin. and they found who did it!! the man i was previously calling the firebender, his real name is simon gates, one of the south’s wealthiest men, arrested 3 years ago on a DUI.
so then he went to israel, and this is how i learned of something called “jerusalem syndrome”, where people come back from the holy land with religious delusions. i have not heard of this before. but it could be a motive. except for the whole burning fingerprints into necks thing. i'm unfamiliar with any sort of place turning you into prince zuko.
okay, so someone saw kevin with his mom the same time he was seen with a social worker??? doubles?? twins??? ghosts??
kevin and his mom are on the side of the road with a broken down car, when who pulls up but SIMON!!
she asks what he wants and he says “i think you know”, then kevin makes a break for it.
now. can an old man outrun a child? children have small legs, but boundless energy.
BUT HE’S RUNNING?? AND ANOTHER KEVIN GETS OUT OF THE CAR??? to talk to his injured mom. then running kevin DISAPPEARED!!! AND MOM HITS THE DUDE WITH A CAR!!!
sadly, it wasn’t out of excellent aim that she hit him, but rather because she had her face smacked into the ground by simon and was concussed or something similar. she drove into a ditch.
NO!!! KEVIN IS SAYING SHE DIED BECAUSE OF HIM. DEATH??? I JUST THOUGHT WE WERE DEALING WITH CONCUSSION HERE?
i guess it can be a quick trip from one to the next. but i'm sad for poor kevin.
scully is near him, telling him she promises she won’t let simon hurt kevin. OH LORD, YOU GOT HER PROMISING THINGS, SMALL CHILD.
he doesn’t want to go back to the shelter. and she says he doesn’t have to. are they going to take this small child for a bit….?
she avoids mulder’s gaze when telling him she wants kevin to come with them, saying she is not getting personally involved, but like mulder is gonna complain having a kid around.
(he actually didn't seem to have his typical instincts kick in today. how curious...)
and turns out simon rented the car under the name of one of the devil’s disciples. yikes!
so creepy simon is watching this go down despite being hit by a car.
back to the motel. scully is running kevin a bath and sees he has a big scratch on his side. from the crash… or?
mulder is fake pouting. “you never draw my bath” JCHDJSBJSND
she’s freaked out because she knows that cut was NOT there before. OH? is it the jesus spear thing??
she is busting out her theological training- he could be in two places at once, like st. ignatius! and mulder is talking about how it was all a metaphor, that bible. mulder, if you are dismissive ONE more time...
OH, I GASPED AT THIS NEXT PART. HOLD ON I NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN:
“how is it that you’re able to go out on a limb whenever you see a light in the sky, but you’re unwilling to accept the possibility of a miracle, even when it’s right in front of you?”
“i wait for a miracle every day, but what i’ve seen here has only tested my patience, not my faith”
“well, what about what i’ve seen?”
UGH. how PERFECT is that dialogue!!! how brilliant is that exchange!!! why is what she has seen less believable than his x files and aliens and beasts? he spends so long looking to his own stars that he’s forgotten others can form constellations as well. and how often does the narrative favor him, his thoughts running like a prey animal, chasing and chasing any sort of lead. why can’t she have something that cuts her to the quick just as deeply?
sure, science is great, science is the building block of her reality. but you can’t change the way you grew up, either, the pattern recognition, the fear of the divine. and she’s never had trouble balancing the two, we just haven’t had a reason to see them interact before, because she generally compartmentalizes the day to day world and the spiritual- and how many of us can say we do the same? probably most, if we believe in anything at all. but then it comes straight to a head- and after she has been through so much as well, losing her dad, her kidnapping, her coma, losing mulder and her job (which luckily came back), losing her sister forever- is it selfish to want there to be a caring force out in the universe?
but on the flip side, that means that there is real and genuine evil, forces of the devil and hell- unless you think it’s poetry, like mulder does. but wouldn’t that explain all the suffering she’s been through? the horrific things this job has showed her? and wouldn’t it be worth it in the end to go through that all if you know it was to be defeated?
okay i just spend so long typing that up the screen went dark. SORRY SORRY I’M COMING BACK I PROMISE!!! I JUST GET EMOTIONAL.
NOOO! a weird noise was heard, so mulder kicks down the now locked door where kevin was supposed to be taking a bath. AND THE WINDOW WAS MELTED OPEN!! so scully basically comes face to face with the evil that must be real if miracles are as well. oh! i’m eating this up.
but she promised him he would be safe! so this is not looking good!
she wants to go talk to his father again. and mulder doesn’t want to, but she is NOT taking no for an answer.
kevin’s father is not coming up with an answer. the doctors have increased his meds and he’s very foggy.
she asks again about the full circle to find the truth thing. and she runs out, in a daze.
mulder gets a call that there has been a simon spotting, but she doesn’t hear; she’s pointing at a recycling bin, saying that it’s arrows that form a circle. she thinks he’s at a recycling plant; he thinks he’s at the airport.
mulder asks if she thinks she’s the one that was chosen to protect him. and she says she doesn’t know; her voice cracks as she says that if she’s wrong, she’ll meet him at the airport. OH! religious burdens, the divine pressure of fate. he watches her leave, looking troubled.
at the recycling plant- and simon IS there, saying kevin has to die, for everyone, so the new age will come. and his hands are bleeding again. all the others were false.
SCULLY AMBUSH!!! but simon is taking him into a recycling chopper. AND HE DROPS HIM IN!!! we see chopping occur!!! but it was SIMON AND NOT KEVIN THAT WAS CHOPPED!!! kevin caught himself on the ledge!!!! she pulls him up.
he says he knew she’d come, and they hug so so so tight, and she places a kiss on his head when she’s holding him, and i’m gonna cry like a baby
when they’re getting him around to leave, she says that maybe she’ll see him again sometime, and he says that she will.
and scully looks like she’s crying- i don’t think she is, but she puts her head in her hand- mulder comes in and asks if she’s okay. she says she thinks so, and he holds out her jacket to put on. it might have been the most tender thing i have ever seen. he says they need to go make a statement; she asks him to do it alone, she has to go run an errand.
again, she mostly avoids his eyes. but he agrees, and goes to make the statement alone. he doesn't press.
AND SHE GOES TO CONFESSION???? FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS??? she starts talking about not being able to discuss something with mulder. she asks about miracles; if she was seeing things when it comes to saving kevin, or if she was imagining them.
she doubts herself because mulder didn’t believe them!!!!!!!!!!! and usually he believes without question!!!
maybe they weren’t meant for him, maybe they were meant for YOU, he says. and she asks if this was to bring her back; he says “sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth”
and it makes her afraid!!!! that god is speaking but no one is listening!!!!
WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS EPISODE. NO. NO, HOLD ON I’M GONNA LOOK THIS UP.
KIM NEWTON. KIM. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS ME ON THIS PLANET. NO ONE ELSE DOES.
wow okay. i’m going to be pacing my room about this for 100 years. there are going to be think pieces about this, from me, for the foreseeable future. i’m losing my MIND.
i don’t think i could have cooked up a more perfect episode if i had tried. something centered on scully entirely (mulder has had his fair share of attention), something about faith, something where she questions what she holds close and why she holds it close and what it means that she does so at all. what it means for there to be human good and human evil and divine good and divine evil. how god speaks to people and how we listen. or hear things that he didn’t say, like simon did.
holy FUCK i literally could not think of anything better. and i have SO much to say. i already SAID SO MUCH, too. like i’m seriously bouncing off the walls right now. whatever love i had for scully before just quadrupled- and who knew this was even possible??
for things to be reversed, for mulder to try and talk her out of a belief, how bizarre that must have felt to him, and how cold it felt. how he just couldn’t see it, how his not being able to see it drove her to doubt herself, how she must doubt herself already, but that sprung everything to the surface. how she doubts that god would use her. and use her for good.
but still, despite his lack of understanding, despite his trying to get her to think rationally- he is there for her, even if he doesn't get it, even if he could have done better. the way he held her jacket while she processed everything, the way he didn't question her needing time for herself. somethings are best left unspoken.
lord, i’m gonna have to stop there because if i don’t. i just might never shut up ever ever ever. and i still need to proofread all my raw notes, and i’m sure i’ll think of something else to say.
i started this episode AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO LMAOOOO i just had SO much to pause and observe and say which is NOT a complaint in the slightest.
wow. new fave episode i think. i’ll have to add it to the list.
please let me know what you thought- are there any other scully truthers out there who lost their minds over this? did you like the episode? is it disliked and i'm strange for going on such a ramble? did you have trouble reconciling faith scully and science scully? personally i don't, but i could see how some people might. did you find mulder too dismissive? or did you think he was trying his best? some combination of both? did scully protecting that kid make you emotional? please, spill EVERYTHING. i always want you to spill everything, but now so even more than usual.
#so here we are a full two hours since i started the episode and i still have a million things to say#but my laptop is gonna die soon so maybe that's a sign#ugh mulder was so puzzling to me in this episode. he pushed back on her but i think he realized he had overstepped when she said#“what about the things i've seen” i think that put things into perspective for him#i think he realized that this is a two way street when it comes to convictions#and honestly he probably hadn't given any thought into her beliefs before beyond the necklace and the science and the#sort of “it's best not to ask” mentality. he doesn't seem like he chats about personal philosophy. philosophy yes but not personal#i do think he learned a lesson here. not to invalidate her emotions and experiences and upbringing#at least i hope so. it seems like he was trying at the end even if he was confused#and you don't HAVE to get it. you never have to get it. you just have to see that something is important to someone you love#and that is enough to know something is worth respecting#man. i tired myself out with this one but i'm sure i'll think of a million other things to add when i fall asleep#ah well. i can make many posts on one subject!#my day was otherwise pretty unremarkable so good to have something to stand out about it#juni's x files liveblog#3x11#the x files#txf
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todaY i am going to start applying for jobs. my goal is to apply to three (3) jobs before i go back to work next week. i can do this
#psyching myself up because i am so eepy#still having this level of fatigue at two weeks post op is apparently pretty common. esp for chronically inflamed folks like me soooo#knowing that helps. but still. brain fog#i have to sit and stare at a wall a bit right now to recover from hanging up my laundry before i can muster the strength to go make bfast#it's been helping to remind myself that i only have to work 3 days next week#because of new years i'm not back full time until the week after. which is two weeks from now#and with people out for the holiday it'll spread out the gushing excitement about me being back. which will hopefully make it bearable#not looking forward to the inevitable mess i'll have to clean up but. new year new metrics#and maybe some of those interviews went well and i'll have help soon#AND maybe i'll have a new job myself soon#and hopefully with a company that at least. sort of knows what it's doing#gods i'm so sick of my job ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ#personal#ok time to go make some food. hopefully that will give me some energy#if i can get one (1) application out today then i will be happy#and for the sake of keeping the bar very low and reachable that 1 DOES count the listing i applied for in summer#and evebtually got a screening interview request for. that i turned down. because it still seemed like the promotion i got in summer#was actually going to go somewhere#so i'm just gonna update my resume and refresh that cover letter then resubmit#it's a start ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ
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So anyway the date went well lmao
#not snz#I'm still ahdkkaskaks#he's actually so fucking cute like ahdkakska#like we've been hanging out outside of work for a hot minute now but it feels Different#i like getting to hold his hand now 😌#sometimes he gives my hand a lil squeeze and i melt lmao#also we had the conversation that i was afraid was gonna make him not want any of this anymore#but it was Not A Problem and it ended up being one of the things he likes about me so#love that for me I'm chill now#anyway his eyes are so fucking pretty#OH and i did bake cookies for him#and he was so surprised i made something for just him bc usually when i bake it's for all the coworkers#and i gave him a lil flower but he just stared at it for a minute and i thought i fucked up#but then he hugged me and said I'm cute and i was like 🥰#but apparently nobody has ever tried to romance this dude back like hello#i thought all parties were supposed to be trying to woo each other#idk how to do that but if this is all it takes to make him blush and give me a cute little smile then I'll have to keep doing it lmao#anyway i had fun i always like spending time with him#oh oh and he gave me this really cute plushie and i was so 🥺🥺🥺🥰#nothing much else happened it was just talking as usual#with the added bonus of openly flirting lmaooo#and we're going on another date soon so 🥰#i should make a tag for this ahskaks#partner posting
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today is going to be another long day. we're putting together some furniture so it's gonna take us quite a while (i hope not djdishs i hope we'll finish it quickly). i'm so tired because the last weeks have been like this non stop, we've been coming home at 21-22, shopping or picking up some stuff for new apartment. my new meds are still making me feel weird, it's constantly 30+ degrees. i keep coming to the new apartment by myself because of all the packages and stuff, and i need to take a bus and then an uber to get here and i'm so tired (but to make it more positive - i wouldn't be able to do it by myself a couple years ago so that's a big win, leaving home by myself for so long). we ordered some gyoza tho so that's gonna be yummy at least 🥲
#lilith.txt#there's also more stuff happening#that i will vent about soon because i'm gonna explode otherwise#and it adds to my stress#and makes me upset pretty badly#i hope all this crazy time ends soon because i fear it won't end well#i feel i'm at my limit with my mental health#i don't want another breakdown#mental health#mental health vent tw i guess#this post is a mess but writing these vents helps a bit
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Officially started writing down my thoughts on every Sparks album
#and this is fun and i'm already discovering new things but this is gonna take me 20 hours to finish#and it's only half of what i want to have finished by september#ok what else did i want to say about this anyway. oh yeah i have a huge sparks essay ready to be posted pretty much#so i might just post it very soon. as a glimpse of what my way of putting these things into words looks like#(i'm noticing that i'm putting on a much more sophisticated and collected tone for these sparkstember posts though#so maybe that'll actually make for some funny contrast instead)#the essay really IS long though. but i think it's fun to read still several months after i wrote it. i'm pretty excited about it actually#so look out for a huge post that might drop soon that will take an hour to go through. have some sback and coffee ready at hand#*snacks (pls tumblr let us edit tags finally)#goosepost
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Okay... Shit, no. I'm sorry but I NEED to say something again.
I blocked this persons main before, because they gave me cringe vibes for putting a goddamn fucking "DNI" banner that was fandom related at the bottom of a long ass Cripple Punk post that otherwise had fuck all to do with "Fandom Politics", for lack of a better term, only to find out that they are exactly the type of person I was telling to stop this kind of shit earlier.
So now I just want to say like ... Two things:
AGAIN. JUST STOP PUTTING FICTIONAL CHARACTERS INTO THE CRIPPLE PUNK TAGS IF YOU DIDN'T MAKE THEM I AM LITERALLY FUCKING BEGGING YOU.
I've been trying to figure out a way to properly articulate this ever since I've noticed this exact person forcing people to read through their obnoxious "DNI" banner shit that they've put at the end of every. single Cripple Punk post that they' make, again, even if what they're talking about has nothing to do with fandom .... And I blocked them immediately when I saw them add their unwanted and unneeded opinion on "Proship vs. Anti" discourse to the already obnoxious banners that were ruining their long ass cpunk posts for everyone else.... And like, at first I felt bad for (finally) just blocking them for forcing me to read about their shitty cyberbully fandom opinion on a cripple punk post like "'anti anti'/'proshitters' DNI!" like y'know? Immature shit like that. Like, I felt really bad and shitty for even caring enough to have an opinion on their own shitty fandom related opinion like that shit even mattered in Cripple Punk at all....But then I saw them doing this shit, so I am going to be speaking my mind on this. Rght now.
I... do not care, I do not not give a fuck, and I do not pay any heed or attention to your "warning" should you have something like "Anti Anti/Proship DNI" in your header or bio, or even consider yourself an "Anti" because you think that makes you a better clown than the ones that you are trying to protect yourselves from, because I don't believe in "Fandom Politics" ether way and think they're antithetical to the Cripple Punk Movement as a whole. And I will not be checking your header or bio or carrd or whatever to see if I'm respecting your made up fandom concentric "politics" and boundaries . Like of course you have the right to silently block someone if you don't like their taste in fandom but you don't have to turn that into one of your "political stances", we'll get more into this later but if you self identify as an "Anti", that's exactly what you're doing .
However, if you have a DNI Banner you're gonna put at the end of every single Cripple Punk post, I would want to block you, but if you make a Cripple Punk post, put a DNI banner on it, and then decide make part of that banner partially about "Proship vs. Anti" discourse or even Anti Kink bullshit discourse and rhetoric I would then have to be forced to read about because you decided to bring that shit into the Cripple Punk tags, when you decided to add your obnoxious DNI banner to an otherwise entirely unrelated Cripple Punk post, thus derailing your pwn post and just like, ruining things... For everyone... I am definitely going to block you.
My second to last point is this:... I'lI make this quick disclaimer that I know that Live Action Media such as Twilight and Harry Potter are entirely different animals that both could and have caused substantial amounts of harm, mainly due to the fact that with live action shit, it's real people needed to portray these characters, from these multiple million dollar franchises that most of us had shoved down our throats since forever, with real world consequences if anything goes wrong........ And considering the circumstances of, I'm just gonna say it.... The one who started the whole "cpunk discourse" bullshit actually being a Goddamn Fucking Harry Potter Fandom Mom or whatever the fuck they are..... Like I can see why we might want to poke fun at these people and maybe gatekeep them from anything to do with Cripple Punk ... And even I have done that on occasion ... So what I'm about to say, keep in mind that this isn't about them.
All that being said, if you do consider yourself Cripple Punk, but you feel you would discriminate against another Cripple Punk by denying them your most basic human "interactions" on the internet, support, help, camaraderie, resources, single boosts, emergency donations if they needed it, because you glanced at their blogs one day and saw the words "Proship" or "Anti Anti" next to "Cripple Punk", or you saw how they've liked the Wrong kind of Animated Cartoon, or watched the Wrong kind of Anime, or read the Wrong kind of Manga or Played the Wrong kind of Video Game while they were sitting sick or bed bound getting sores on their arse during a medical recovery or something or maybe they support this Scary Irredeemable Artist who created Scary Irredeemable Media TM, and maybe you get the urge to go on this fellow Cripple Punk's single boost just be like: "UM, DON'T DONATE/GIVE SUPPORT TO THIS PERSON BC THEY HAPPEN TO SUPPORT THIS THAT AND THE OTHER FANDUMB CENTRIC THING WHEN THEY EXIST OUTSIDE OF CPUNK EVEN THO THEY NEVER BROUGHT THAT BACK INTO THE MOVEMENT WHICH IS WHY I'M DOING IT FOR THEM RIGHT NOW! >:("
Like if you would ever think about doing that, or, you need to consider what cartoon fandoms a fellow cripple punk is in before supporting your comrade or go off on them for wearing the wrong graphic t with the wrong animated blorbo on it when or they have the wrong kind of fandom related plush when they're just existing in a Cripple Punk Selfie Post.... Or a donation post ... And you're gonna care so deeply about that, that you can feel something in you become physically undone... And you'd wanna bring it up... The Unspoken Irredeemable Media in The Room.... Like, I'm not saying you should leave the Cripple Punk Movement ... But maybe you should take a break, reevaluate your priorities here, and come back later, okay babe?
I'm almost done.
The very last and most difficult thing I'll bring up here because it needs to be said ... If you consider yourself a Cripple Punk, and you also self identify as an "Anti" outside of the Cripple Punk Movement... You do realize that Self Proclaimed "Antis" have a very strong reputation for actually telling people to kill themselves over the Fictional and Often 2D Media they consume, right? Like I said before, you could be a Cripple Punk with "Anti" or "Anti Anti DNI" in your bio and I simply choose not to pay attention to that nonsense or give a fuck...But at the end of the day, the "Anti Movement" is ultimately a "Movement" about telling people to kill themselves over Fiction. And I know that you wouldn't do that if you're part of the Cripple Punk Movement, but it makes me not want to get that close to you or trust you and this is the only post I'll make about it because I think some of you just need to reconcile with which boat you truly want to be and jump ships, so to speak... Because it's so interesting how some of think you can take the side a "Movement" that tells the "Freaks" to kill themselves while also being a part of Cripple Punk.
I want no part of "Fandom Movements" mentioned here.
It's so funny and frustrating to me though because... The people in Cripple Punk who make these blogs and posts revolving around fictional characters and pretending it's activism? They're the ones, with "Anti Anti/Proship DNI" in their banners and bios... Same with the most frequently posting people in the Cripple Punk tags right now, who've turned out to be self proclaimed "Kinnies" or "Fictives".
But I've yet to see an actual, self proclaimed Anti Antis or Proshipper bring those "fandom politics" or tags into Cripple Punk or daring to be that obnoxious. How about we keep it that way and be kind to each other, yes?
TL;DR: "FANDOM POLITICS" HAVE NO PLACE IN CRIPPLE PUNK. NETHER DOES GATE KEEPING, OR MORALLY POLICING, OR CYBER BULLYING ANOTHER CRIPPLE PUNK FOR ANY "FANDOM POLITICS" THEY MIGHT KEEP OVER CARTOONS, OR OTHER RELATED INTERESTS THEY MIGHT HAVE IN MEDIA AND KEEP SEPARATE FROM THE CRIPPLE PUNK MOVEMENT, ASIDE FROM THOSE INTERESTS SHOWING UP IN THINGS LIKE CLOTHING OR COMFORT ITEMS DURING CRIPPLE PUNK SELFIES. AND IF YOUR RESPONSE TO THIS IS "GO OUTSIDE", FUCK OFF!
This is the first and last post I'm making about this. It's happened in discord servers apparently before but if I ever see another Cripple Punk being bullied in these tags for outside media they consume that has nothing to do with Cripple Punk that they didn't try bringing into Cripple Punk themselves... I'm done. You all would just be making the same posts about Fandom Bullshit in reverse or whatever.
#cripple punk#cpunk#I'm not even tagging anyone or anything your dnis are silly and still making cpunk about fandoms ether way and it's gonna end up being#callout culture city pretty soon the way things are going and your fandom bullshit and even putting dnis on your cripple punk posts and#making those dnis about fandom bullshit is wrong!!! YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!!#undescribed
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bloomic posting again sorry but uhh
screaming dying sdfkjhfdjkfhsdkjhfdskjhkjfdshjkds
#HE'S PRETTY I HATE IT#i hate him and his stupidly big and pretty green irises and his laugh and his dumb jokes and#literally shaking him around like a squeaky toy it isn't funny anymore#you can let go of the dating sim love interest now brain!! please!!!!#what am i even gonna do with him. i don't know where to put him agdshgdjas#IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST..... kick out the boys that'd be mean of me :(#AND THEY'RE STILL IN MY BRAIN i promise you all that i was going feral about marik like five minutes ago#but now the um. attention distribution is all over the place djhfjhd#one second i am screaming internally about the lost literary potential the bakurae had as a unit and what could've been done with their-#-connection to death and the next second i am shaking *gestures at post* this idiot around until we both get motion sickness#i just. aaaa. i don't knowww#and i'm not even sure if i *feel* anything towards this character#considering he *is* from a dating sim and so i might just. be over exaggerating this#he makes me feel. something though. loathing probably/j#do i need a crush. tag#wow typing that felt weird#this is all weird. what do i do. help >_<#my brain is gonna be mush with like six boys bouncing off the walls of it every five seconds#dvd screen saver or something up in there#and i have finals soon!! i am dreading that when i'm going to be having obvious brain rot#hhhh anyway i'm. gonna go to bed. and try and stop thinking about mr lawyer over there#goodnight tumblr <3#rainy.file#(art is from the game but the artist can be found on here @/robobarbie)
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"continuing like 80 years of US foreign policy" which includes genocides but not in their own country, so it's therefore not nazi-like in the slightest. cool.
okay i love your posts and work and understand why you hate the US and both parties (reasonably) but can we please stop with like. just the biden slander. like haha biden old and dumb bothers me because it equates 81 year old continuing like 80 years of US foreign policy and 78 year old who openly paraphrases NAZI rhetoric in one of the worlds superpowers. like i fucking hate biden and am vocal about this but equating status quo old guy and fascist old guy is such a false comparison
you (plural, i have multiple of these asks rn) gotta reflect a bit on what you're using your political campaigning energy on if your biggest issue of the day is me making a shitpost. my post i made last night literally just comments directly on the two biden press conferences that day where he first referred to ukrainian president zelensky as "president putin" and then later referred to his vice president kamala harris as "vice president trump".
i am making fun of the CURRENTLY SITTING president of """""the free world""""" who's very clearly not in any position anymore to be doing this job. none of what i said in any way even pits him against trump, but im not making fun of trump because right now he's fucking irrelevant as he's not currently in control of the most powerful country in the world. i sure hope he still won't be after november, but you're not going to win this election by getting mad at some european tumblr user who made an observational joke.
there is so much more i could say about this and especially how meaningless this election really is when it's suddenly taboo to at all criticize the lesser of the two evil, who as a reminder, has been actively aiding the genocide in gaza and has now thrown trans kids under the bus for some minor campaign points. i somehow remember there being this thing about how biden was the compromise candidate but surely we could push him to the left, but hey, what do i know about politics.
#anyway i'm reblogging this mostly for the last paragraph which is the useful part. the ask is beyond repulsive at this point#if you claim a guy is the lesser evil then you can't complain every time the evil is mentioned#you just sound like a liar who doesn't actually believe he's that evil#which is pretty evident here in the 'not spouting nazi-like rhetoric' bit#yeah! he's not saying as much shit as trump! there are not as many angry headlines in your life as there were in 2016-2020!#i guess that was the point that mattered as opposed to people's actual safety huh#also if your point is just 'oh but when we criticize him now people will feel like not voting :('#well if your only way to get votes for a guy is to pressure people to not care for a whole year of politics genocide and news#you're creating a group increasingly desensitized to things#which goes directly against your goal of 'pushing him left later' (about which no concrete plan is ever given btw)#also honestly goes directly against pushing against republicans as well#how many people vote right-wing not for being epically violent beasts#but because they excuse the violence for the sake of other political/economical interests?#you can vote however you want at the end of the day. no one is stopping you by making mean posts online#but if you were convinced to prioritize your interests over a genocide you became more right wing#you need to at least acknowledge this to at least stop it from getting worse#and at the end of the day as soon as the election is over#all the people wanting to protest both will immediately become your allies#because the whole point is that voting is 'damage control' and the real change is later right??#so you're gonna work for the real change during the four years where there's no (presidential) election right???#racism#genocide#nazism
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youtube
Everybody's waitin' for a break Like fast cars and freedom Everybody wants the same old thing Tell me what will it bring? My friend, I'm tired of being this way I'm tired of runnin' astray At the peak, at the top, at the end of the line And at the end of my life Oh, tell me how my climb will be judged I just wanna be loved Can you tell me I'm worthy or important Am I workin' hard enough? And I want someone to want me, I want someone there and I need someone who cares
#song#music#not about anyone specific#Pretty sure this song is about being loved by “God” but I think of it as being about wanting to be loved by SOMEONE.#This sentiment has been on my mind a lot recently.#TMI but also this is my blog#I did an oral history with my 80 year uncle today since he's old and gonna pass away soon and#my self esteem WAS pretty good (too good?) until I saw my face on the camera and my oh MY#I think I'm ugly as hell#Honestly shocked that anyone is/could be attracted to me#holy shit#self-esteem is now in the dumps#my hairline#my nose#my chin and wrinkles#fml#pathetic post#sorry#it's literally just an unfiltered flow of thoughts.#MAYBE BUCOLIC FAT REMOVAL WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!!!!#/jk /jk#Youtube
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To be clear given your pinned if someone told you that their pronouns were she/her you wouldn’t start intentionally they/theming them unless they asked you to stop correct?
Oh yeah no absolutely not!!! That is mostly for people who insist they/them isn't valid, which is not just really shitty but just objectively incorrect !!
I'm not ever gonna purposely use any pronouns someone doesn't say they use, honestly I've been on the recieving end of mildly annoying they/themming :/
If I ever do fuck up in that regard however, I more than welcome being corrected, like genuinely if I get it wrong by accident please !! Correct me !
I can't lie I . Completely forgot about that part of my pinned and, regarding your concern it could definitely use some re-wording or something. Thank you !
Edit; hey just remembered uh this includes neopronouns and stuff like. As I said I'm never gonna use the wrong pronouns on purpose, that includes anything other than he she or they like. Again, if I ever get this fucked up you have my 100% permission to tear my ass up about it !!!
Okau off to sleep
#askavie#I completely forgot about the “you use they/them dumbass it came free with your speaking english”-esque part of the pronounce section#from my brief 12:41am skimming it seems to be added both in validation of others using it... but also people using it for me#but only later after getting conveniently they/themmed only after switching to she/her did I personally get how shitty THAT is lol#but yeah anon no worries im not ever gonna purposely they/them anyone !!#ty for the ask I should honestly re-do my pinned at some point soon since most of it is really freshly-cracked-egg flavored#like literally i'm pretty sure that was my 3rd post as a girl and it originally had my deadname in it until someone pointed out that is a#BAD idea fo many reasons#yeah I'll make a new one in the morning#genuinely awesome ask anon I haven't read my pinned other than to get to#fuck it separated the- whatever#hope you're having a lovely night
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now I'm actually invested in this idea. maybe I'll write a full length fic someday idk... for now I have short hcs
parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | bad ending
summary: crowley decides to "give away" yuu to the highest "donation" for financial reasons type of post: headcanons characters: all nrc students additional info: can be read as platonic or romantic, except malleus is pretty romantic, second person pov, yuu is gender neutral, maybe a little ooc I wrote this as soon as I got up
crowley has had his fair share of "what the fuck" moments from you but this was really taking the cake
he acts so... casual about it?
swaggers into ramshackle one morning and says times are tough and your personal expenses are straining the budget so he's decided to "put you in someone else's care"
"The screening process will be vigorous to make sure you end up in good hands!" like you're a cat or something "Your expenses will be covered and you'll have somewhere to go during break!"
okay great. pretty obvious you have no say in this, so you don't even argue. what's the worst that could happen?
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Ace, Deuce, Jack, and Epel find you the next day to say they're pooling their money to buy you
"To what?"
Epel shrugs. "Oh, well Crowley said we need to offer a donation to prove we're capable of supporting you..."
(you think that if not for the laws of this land you would have slaughtered that old fart)
Jack goes on a really long tirade about how shady and underhanded this is, making sure to reaffirm that he believes you should be free to make your own choices
"So you'll let me go once you get me?"
"Uhhh..."
Ace thinks once they buy you you'll have no choice but to do all of his homework for him
Deuce says that's not really how it works- and even if he tried, Riddle would kill him
(they've already gone over this twice before finding you)
Epel happily volunteers to take you home with him over breaks, probably the only positive in this mess
even if he thinks the whole thing is kind of funny
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
incapable of keeping his mouth shut, Ace accidentally spills the plan to Riddle, who is understandably aghast
you can't just give away a person under your care like a toy!
of all the irresponsible things...
of course, he'll have to put up his offer, too
purely for your sake! with a nicer room and a brand new copy of the dorm rules, maybe you'll stop getting yourself into trouble
he's got some family money (doctors, naturally) and considers this a worthwhile purchase, for his sanity and yours
of course, Trey and Cater overhear and may or may not be pooling their own cash for a chance, too
going behind Riddle's back on this is a risky venture, but hey, someone's gotta be on your side, here, right?
I mean, between a bunch of sixteen year old boys, the housewarden, and them, who would you choose?
actually don't answer that
...not that it's much of a secret, anyway. Cater's already got their gofundme equivalent link in bio
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Leona initially plans to have you become a live-in lackey like Ruggie
but then he really starts thinking- and, hey, the possibilities are endless, right?
for one, you'd make a really good pillow
he might have to kick Grim out for your full attention, but you could learn to live with that
and malleus would hate it
...that's reason enough for him
plus, he's got money to burn, so why not?
either way, he sets his bid at a reasonable (maybe too confident) price and sits back to watch the chaos unfold as everyone scrambles for a piece of the pie
news travels fast around school, after all
then Ruggie finds out that you could dethrone him as Leona's #2 and is understandably a little annoyed
that's his cushy post-grad job gig, thank you! he's worked hard for that!
besides, why should Leona get to hoard you? the guy can barely take care of himself!
so, Ruggie ends up outsourcing to a few dozen classmates for the necessary funds at a steep I-owe-you price
he's gonna be eating nothing but dandelions for a while...
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
now, Azul is annoyed
once the news goes school-wide, it's all anyone can talk about
talk about good marketing...
why didn't he think of such a brilliant scam? he could have negotiated with Crowley to have a café brand deal tie-in!
of course, he's already set his bid, with Jade and Floyd offering to pitch in as necessary
it's a risky investment, sure, but a worthwhile one
Azul tells everyone that with the prefect's "obvious" popularity, having them at the café a few nights a week would drive sales through the roof
though that's really just what he says to shirk suspicion
a likely excuse coming from him, though, really, it would just be nice having you around
and if not for his own affections, Floyd's incessant begging and Jade's subtly manipulative comments about "how nice" it would be having a new face around would be enough for him to cave eventually
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
"Kalim, no," is the first thing that Jamil says
"I strongly advise against this. It's another one of Crowley's silly scams and you could end up a target bec- are you even listening?"
hint: he is not
the second Kalim found out that he could get to take in his favorite magicless student like one of his treasures, he was all over it
(AKA infinite sleepovers)
and for what? a little optional donation to prove he's got the funds? he's got cash to spare!
he's already got your new room in Scarabia set up before he even puts his bid in
right next to his of course :)
and despite what Jamil insists, he himself might be working behind the curtain just a little to ensure he's the one who ends up with you
after all, why should Kalim get everything? this might be a valuable learning opportunity for him
You don't always get what you want
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
as much as Epel tries to keep the rest of his dorm from finding out, it's inevitable
he's actually a little surprised that the news didn't get to Vil sooner
with Rook around campus, surely he must have said something...
when Vil does find out, though, he just sighs
oh, of course. what next, will everyone meet each other in the arena and fight to the death over the prefect?
of all the silly, immature things...
oh? what's that? he's bidding anyway? of course he is, silly potato. he can't have some unwashed miscreant making you sleep on polyester bedding
(really, he's the only person on campus worthy of your time)
Rook has also been mysteriously absent from the dorm lately, though his initials on a poem and a strangely large sum of money end up in the donation pile
but really, that could be anyone... Rook would never dare betray Vil again, right?
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
Ortho finds out directly from the other first years and sends Idia the details immediately
with a little note of encouragement, of course: "could be excellent for improving your social skills!"
Idia understandably freaks out
"WTF!!!! nooo way! this is a person, not a chatbot we're talking about here! I can barely keep virtual pets alive!!!!"
(liar)
(...but this is still different)
the conversation ends there, but semi-anonymous bid from someone named "gloomurai" gets cashapp'd directly to crowley
*ੈ✩‧₊˚
everyone in the room immediately turns to Malleus
"For the record, I think it's wrong to be bargaining over a human being," Silver says first. "But if anyone could handle it with grace, it's you."
Lilia laughs. "Oh, you're just saying that because you like the prefect so much!"
"Father, you're the one who likes the prefect so much,"
"Oh, right! carry on then. After all, I'm sure we could share,"
Sebek is the only one relatively against the idea, though Lilia luckily manages to get him to lower his voice after his third speech about how you aren't good enough for his liege
Malleus is rather quiet through the whole evening, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with any of the points made
he disappears for a short while, and when he comes back he seems a little more confident
though, of course, he goes to you first
seeing him at Ramshackle in the middle of the night is a familiar and welcoming sight after all of the chaos of your week
and he's in a great mood!
"Child of man! I've come with news," he says. "I have heard of your predicament and have come up with a solution!"
you immediately sulk. "Oh, no. You know I think this whole thing is terrible, right?"
"Yes, Silver mentioned you might not like the idea of being bought and sold like a trinket. But worry not, I do not plan on paying for you in money,"
you pause, at a loss for words, and then tentatively continue. "You're not...?"
"Of course not. What a primitive idea, I was baffled to hear it myself. My proposal will be more traditional: a modest sum of treasure, and a generous amount of livestock and the finest crop Briar Valley can offer,"
certainly he's not this naive, you think
"You really think Crowley is going to accept that over money? I'm pretty sure Kalim just bid away an entire country's worth,"
he laughs. "You speak as if this is some kind of business deal! I'm quite confident that my dowry will be best,"
huh. that was a strange way of putting it
but then again, you still didn't really understand how things work here, so you go along with it
and you allow yourself to relax. he seems confident in his offer, and he doesn't even see you as some kind of prize to win!
"Oh, well, alright. Thanks! I'm glad you're on it,"
he smiles. "Rest assured, child of man, you're in good hands. My dowry will far outshine the others, and the wedding will be even better,"
"I was honestly getting a little nervous for a momen- wait- wedding!?"
#twst x reader#shall I tag everyone even though this is pretty short... idk might as well#ace trappola x reader#deuce spade x reader#jack howl x reader#epel felmier x reader#riddle rosehearts x reader#trey clover x reader#cater diamond x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#ruggie bucchi x reader#azul ashengrotto x reader#floyd leech x reader#jade leech x reader#kalim al asim x reader#jamil viper x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#rook hunt x reader#idia shroud x reader#lilia vanrouge x reader#malleus draconia x reader#idk if I should tag silver and sebek they're barely in it 😔#that's enough tags anyway
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put it all on red (bull) | max verstappen social media au
pairing: max verstappen x fem russell reader
her brother won the race? does she know? does she care?
MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
yourusername
liked by alexalbon, georgerussell63 and 204,300 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
yourusername: VIVA LAS VEGAS
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user3: this is fucking hilarious
user4: her whole ass brother won the actual race and there's not a peep of him on the post
user5: i mean her boyfriend did win the championship...
yourusername: exactlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i mean my instagram is for pretty girls only
user6: do not erase george's beauty
yourusername: nothing to erase girlypop - FUGLY!
user7: the way the guys are in the media pen and can't see that y/n is coming for their necks in instagram comments
user8: i fear she's already started drinking...
user9: in the back of the sky broadcast she hands max a drink and i'm starting to suspect that it was not water or red bull
user10: LMAO HELMUT TOOK A SIP AND LIKE NEARLY FELL OVER
yourusername: i've never claimed to be good at mixing drinks
maxverstappen1: WHERE WAS THE TONIC ???
yourusername: i don't believe in tonic 💔
maxverstappen1: YOU GAVE ME STRAIGHT GIN?
yourusername: straight 🤣
maxverstappen1: Y/N THAT'S ATTEMPTED MURDER ON HELMUT ???
yourusername: free me i did nothing wrong !!!
user11: these people kill me
user12: sign of a healthy relationship is making gay allegations about each other
yourusername: ALLEGATIONS ???
yourusername: george is lucky that he was the first russell carmen met ...
georgerussell63: RIGHT, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH
georgerussell63: thank you for the congratulations but STOP flirting with MY girlfriend
yourusername: congratulations??? for what?
georgerussell63: WINNING THE RACE?
yourusername: boring!
georgerussell63: you are so lucky we're family because you are a few cards short of a deck
yourusername: CARDS? that reminds me ... time to gamble!
maxverstappen1
liked by oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc and 1,342,988 others
tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: winning without the fastest car isn't for everyone
view all comments
user13: this caption has y/n russell written all over it
yukitsunoda0511: i sat here and watched them giggle to themselves for a good five minutes while posting this
user14: tell max to post more pictures like the second one
yukitsunoda0511: they are not safe for innocent eyes and they are not taken with a locked door :/
user15: why are you there ???
yukitsunoda0511: they're very generous when they're drunk !
user16: so real
yukitsunoda0511: it's also not just me :(
user17: just how many people are using the bar tab?
liamlawson30: me!
oscarpiastri: me!
charles_leclerc: me!
landonorris: me!
pierregasly: me!
alexalbon: me!
yourusername: broke bitches
carlossainz55: you do not have a job?
yourusername: gambling and being pretty is more of a job that what you will have next season 🤨
carlossainz55: has anyone ever told you you're a really mean drunk
yourusername: just george about a billion times, you get used to it (we just don't invite you out)
user18: she is just dragging anyone now
user19: hold on that is her boyfriend's work boyfriend's enemy
user20: girl is 90% of lestappen twitter's source and you think she's not gonna have a problem with sainz???
yourusername: you're so sexy i actually can't even function
maxverstappen1: gotta put the trophy in trophy husband somehow
yourusername: jokes aside i am super duper proud of you, this year has been insane and you've proven that you are the bestest eva
maxverstappen1: couldn't have done it without my fave cheerleader
yourusername: i'll wear the uniform and everything ....
schecoperez: STOP
georgerussell63: still no congratulations? i know you won the title or whatever but we're going to be brothers soon SHOW SOME RESPECT
yourusername: literally suck his dick
yourusername: wait no
yourusername: suck my dick
yourusername: WAIT NO
yourusername: choke ❤️
georgerussell63: i have no words at this point
maxverstappen1: so romantic hehehehe
yourusername
liked by alexalbon, kimiantonelli and 410,300 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
yourusername: put it all on on red (bull)
view all comments
user22: ma'am why is there a cat?
user23: i think we already know the answer
user24: oh i know the answer i just wanna know the batshit explanation
georgerussell63: exsqueeze me ???
yourusername: don't speak like that about your nephew ??
georgerussell63: tell me you're not keeping it??
maxverstappen1: IT? HE JUST LEAPFROGGED YOU IN OUR WILL
georgerussell63: 1. you have a joint will ??? 2. why am i on it ??? 3. what is a cat doing with a monaco penthouse ???
maxverstappen1: i thought you could use the money ? i know toto ain't paying you what he promised me
yourusername: george your weird sugar daddy is more broke than you think sorry xx
georgerussell63: once again, what is stopping me taking the monaco house from a literal cat ?
yourusername: caesar will be very aware of his rights string bean - just because you talk in an uppity accent doesn't mean you actually know anything
georgerussell63: i cannot tell who corrupted who but i am sick of being your victim :(
user25: yes as fun as watching them dog george is i do want to know caesar's origin story
user26: i have a very bad feeling i know where he got his name
alexalbon: HE'S NOT NAMED AFTER THE CASINO IS HE?
yourusername: ding ding ding we have a winner, always knew you were the smarter half of galex
maxverstappen1: your gambling is getting out of hand
yourusername: did i or did i not win us a cat ?
maxverstappen1: AND £250,000 ???
yourusername: didn't want to promote gambling too much
yourusername: KIDS DO NOT GAMBLE IT IS DUMB
yourusername: look at me i literally have a child now ???
user27: we have lost the original plot of the movie
user28: you must be new, we stopped trying to make sense of these two years ago
lewishamilton: i can assure you it does not get any easier when you know them personally
yourusername: we aim to be sexy and mysterious
lewishamilton: that's strange because you guys dance like little boys and overshare at any given opportunity
maxverstappen1: guilty !
georgerussell63
liked by alexalbon, landonorris and 873,409 others
tagged: lewishamilton, yourusername & maxverstappen1
georgerussell63: i won the las vegas grand prix and all i got was this lousy cat
view all comments
user29: i am sensing a y/n and max meltdown incoming
user30: maybe they're too hungover to argue?
yourusername: NEVER
maxverstappen1: LOUSY CAT? FIRST OF ALL HE'S NOT YOURS SO KEEP HIS NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND ALSO I WILL KILL YOU WITH A GUN
georgerussell63: excuse me?
yourusername: do NOT threaten my boyfriend !!!!!!!!
georgerussell63: do you have selective sight or something?
yourusername: no i just like him more than i like you
georgerussell63: you only met him because of me?
maxverstappen1: i have faith we would've found each other regardless we have a SOUL TIE
yourusername: EXACTLY
georgerussell63: i give up.
yourusername: this is exactly why you don't have a championship ... no drive (pun intended)
georgerussell63: NOW THAT'S IT
maxverstappen1: are you threatening my girlfriend?
georgerussell63: OMG LEAVE ME ALONE
user31: their commitment to never letting george have a day of peace is really quite charming
user32: they're going to give him grey hairs before he even turns 27
alexalbon: i gotta say georgie, i'm not with you on this one - caesar is THE dude
georgerussell63: are all my eggs falling out of the basket at once?
maxverstappen1: that's called karma for calling caesar 'it' and a lousy cat
georgerussell63: i can't lie i am missing your honeymoon phase you guys were a lot nicer
yourusername: we never left the honeymoon phase we just like annoying all of you
maxverstappen1: makes you people leave us alone :3
landonorris: you don't have to be mean to do that
yourusername: YOU JUST GOT OFF OF THIN ICE NORRIS WATCH YOUR STEP
user33: they can make excuses all these want but they just like annoying everyone else
user34: i mean based on their vegas shenanigans i think they would be super fun to be around
yourusername: oscar literally came to stay while he 'looked for a flat' in monaco and hasn't left... it's been three months. face it we're a HOOT
oscarpiastri: they are fun! the secret is to not be annoying sorry george!
maxverstappen1: they grow up so fast :')
maxverstappen1
liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 984,036 others
tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: took a gamble when i went for the lanky posh dude's sister and i can now say it was definitely worth it
view all comments
user37: bro says snug as a bug in a rug once and now he's labelled as posh HE'S FROM NORFOLK
user38: it's also the way that y/n never gets the posh allegations
georgerussell63: it's because she's scruffy as fuck x
maxverstappen1: literally outside your house with a knife, keep talking
georgerussell63: i'm a grown man, max, you don't scare me
maxverstappen1: so i'm free to do a little gardening while you hide inside?
georgerussell63: you wouldn't...
yourusername: GO FOR THE PEONIES MAX
georgerussell63: NOT THE PEONIES I BEG HAVE MERCY
user39: so i'm supposed to read all of this shit and take them seriously when they get in the car
user40: it's part of the charm i think
user41: it's all fun and games until you remember they are full grown adults who can vote who are arguing over flowers
yourusername: i'd go through the strenuous task of growing up with george thousands more times just to be with you
maxverstappen1: i've been in love with you since i was 14, there has never been anyone else for me and there will never be anyone else for me
yourusername: ugh why didn't we just get married in vegas ?
maxverstappen1: because even though i did just harm his flowers, i do want to marry you in front of our families
yourusername: i guess you're right
georgerussell63: you know what? based on how you usually talk to me... i'm touched
yourusername: if i'm feeling generous i'll even let you do the seating chart
georgerussell63: I LOVE YOU BEST SISTER EVER
user42: only a declaration of love between max and y/n could end with george proclaiming his love for charts
user43: how does one procure an invite to this wedding ...
yourusername: be cunty
yourusername: @zakbrownceo YOU'RE BARRED
yourusername
liked by landonorris, alexalbon and 409,300 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
yourusername: i'm the sibling who can't drive and yet i'm the one with four championship trophies in their house... george, step your pussy up x
view all comments
user44: omg queen who can't drive, she's such representation
yourusername: george says i'm so mean all the time but really i'm generous, i clearly gave him all the driving genes
user45: have you even tried driving?
yourusername: i went on max's sim once and got motion sickness and i'm also with the best driver in the world and siblings with an okay one - i'm surviving
alexalbon: he's already texted me about your language on this post
yourusername: just because he's a boomer in a string bean's body does not mean i must censor myself - he should know what stepping his pussy up means by now
georgerussell63: i will not be stepping on any pussy, i respect both felines and women
maxverstappen1: you called caesar 'it' so PLEASE
georgerussell63: i respect women?
maxverstappen1: you called y/n scruffy?
georgerussell63: that's y/n it doesn't count
maxverstappen1: that's not very feminist of you george. i am disappointed
yourusername: i agree, i really think the GDPA should reconsider the type of person they're letting run it
georgerussell63: huh?
yourusername: not once have i been invited to a grid meal ....
georgerussell63: well you're not on the grid that's why
yourusername: FEMALE EXCLUSION
maxverstappen1: you know we have attachment issues, you're so heartless george
georgerussell63: what is going on ???
yourusername: you CLEARLY don't care about me
maxverstappen1: and you CLEARLY don't care about the wellbeing of the grid
georgerussell63: I'M SORRY???
user46: george is unbelievably easy to rattle
user47: it must be so fun
yourusername: oh believe me, we have way too much fun
maxverstappen1: we once convinced him that it was a social faux pas to shake hands in japan lol
georgerussell63: IS THAT WHY MERCEDES WERE TOLD THAT EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS REALLY RUDE ???
yourusername: LMAOOOOOOOO
maxverstappen1: so so so easy bro
user48: i guess a couple that plays mind tricks together, stay together?
yourusername: 4eva
maxverstappen1: til death do us part
yourusername: quite literally you're not leaving me alone with GEORGE
georgerussell63: you know what: DIE
yourusername: GASP
maxverstappen1: @fia get his ass
fin.
note: HAPPY MAX VERSTAPPEN CHAMPIONSHIP DAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE. IE. ME LOL
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#f1 social media au#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen social media au#max verstappen
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grad week is looking like getting my eyebrows waxed + tinted, getting my nails painted, finally wearing my cute pastel grad dress, getting my makeup done, getting a facial, getting hair extensions, eating copious amounts of brazilian bbq, eating a customized ice cream pie, wearing my spongebob meme themed grad cap topper, vibing to my grad playlist, taking pics with a cute daisy bouquet, celebrating w/ some friends, and literally just vibing out to the fact that i'm forever done with school ✨🌈💕
#personal#words#college grad#college graduate#it's starting to get pretty close to grad day and i'm fuckin HYPE#i'm actually starting of of this stuff this week#like i'm getting my eyebrows waxed and everything this week#and i'm probably gonna finish making my grad playlist this week too bc i don't have homework anymore just two exams left#i wanna get a facial soon too but i have to ask the eyebrow person when i can do that to avoid it messing up the tint#also idk about being forever done with school since i do wanna go to fashion school at some point#but for the sake of this post we'll say it's forever lol#sidenote but i'm so glad i don't have to worry about homework or taking notes this week#bc now i can focus on doing all the fun pre-grad day shit i've been wanting to do
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─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘪. (𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦) 🍊
⤷ summary: saudi arabian and australian grands prix happen! y/n starts making vlogs for the races and it reveals more about her and a certain driver's feelings than she hoped, not that she notices. poor oscar's stuck in the middle of it all but he's trying his best!
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liked by f1, landonorris, and 55,007 others
tagged landonorris and oscarpiastri
mclaren saudi arabia, you were beautiful even if the results weren't! ready for what's to come
12,567 comments
user1 admin not using a single nice photo of the drivers 😭
user2 admin be honest is this your revenge era
mclaren well, yes!
user3 HELP MEEEE
user4 the way lando looks at her 😭
user5 this is a place of business
user6 oscar looks petrified 💀
mclaren dw guys we're still training him!
oscarpiastri wtf why would u say it like that, i'm not a dog
mclaren full-time team mascot, part time driver
user7 admin drop the insta your so pretty 😭😭
user8 no literally, content of her WHERE
mclaren ynusername 🤲🏼
user9 LETS FUCKING GO
user10 HER DISSING HER OWN TEAM 💀 THEY'RE GONNA FIRE YOU GIRL
mclaren they don't pay me to LIE
user11 CRAZYY
user12 LANDO IS NEVER GETTING A GOOD PIC EVER AGAIN 😭
mclaren what can i say, i am no mans peace 🥱
user13 icon
landonorris reporting you to hr
mclaren for what
landonorris idk harrassment or something
mclaren ok keyboard warrior, lets calm down 💀
user14 KEYBOARD WARRIOR HELEPSJSM
user15 i vote admin just takes over and we don't even get driver pictures
user16 real and true
user17 i fear we may have lost the plot
user18 thoughts on today's results
mclaren i'm trying to be positive in general but man
user19 LMAOOOOO
user20 ik the pr department is shaking in their boots after every post notif
mclaren probably! but unfortunately for everyone, i am going to keep doing whatever i want
user21 no more lando beef, mclaren admin?
mclaren i forget but i never forgive. i forgot why we were fighting but i stay hating bitches 🥱
landonorris literally WHAT DID I DO
mclaren IDK BUT IK U PISSED ME OFF 🫵
oscarpiastri diabolical photo choice
oscarpiastri i look like a little kid on picture day
mclaren so basically your everyday look
oscarpiastri yk what you are making this work environment very hostile
mclaren i can make it more hostile if you want 🤨
oscarpiastri nevermind!!!
maxfewtrell most flattering lando picture i've seen in years
mclaren that's saying something isn't it 🤩
user22 i went to haterville and they all knew you admin
mclaren they actually just elected me mayor there!!! 💪🏻
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liked by bsfusername, landonorris, and 17,800 others
ynusername if my admin duties don't kill me, i promise my caffeine addiction will! (:
3,422 comments
user23 be honest, how many coffees have you had today
ynusername 3!
user24 oh that's not that bad
ynusername +5
user24 JESUS CHRSUT
bsfusername at this point i think meth would be healthier
ynusername honestly yeah
ynusername thanks for the suggestion!!
user25 nooo admin don't do meth ur so sexy aha
ynusername that just made me want to do meth more
landonorris so what i'm hearing is buying you an espresso machine would get me in your good graces 😇
user26 oh brother here he goes
ynusername you must be deaf then
landonorris 😔 2 espresso machines?
ynusername i don't want ur dirty espresso machines 🙄
oscarpiastri now what car is that 🫵
ynusername SHHHHH
oscarpiastri TRAITOR
bsf2username when your not busy being super sexy on a race track, can we go thrifting and get sweetgreen and overpriced coffee 🙏🏼🙏🏼
ynusername this could've been an email, get this out of my comments 💀
ynusername but yeah obviously
user27 admin vlogs when 😔
ynusername SOON!!! very very soon
user28 mother feeding us once again
ynusername brb, adding single mom who works two jobs, loves her kids, and never stops to my resume
danielricciardo coffee recipe where?
ynusername in your dms now ‼️
danielricciardo is this flirting
ynusername no if i was flirting i would've told you to ask me in person, i'm just being charitable
landonorris can i get the coffee recipe too then 🤲🏼
ynusername wdy want next, my mugs? keep on walking charity case
user29 CHARITY CASE IS CRAZYDFHAJ
user30 she's so effortlessly funny and mean i love her
user31 i feel like this is so unprofessional /:
ynusername babe professional where, you are on??? my personal?? account???
user32 maybe she's born with it, maybe it's the fact that she's consumed enough caffeine to tranquelize a horse
user33 oh please the horse would be dead
ynusername call an ambulance, BUT NOT FOR ME ‼️💪🏻🗣️
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ynusername posted to story!
(caption: melbourne vlog out now on youtube, go watch!!)
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"This thing better be working," could be heard slightly muffled in between vague shuffling sounds. After a second or two of incoherent noise, the camera footage finally came on. Y/N smiled at herself in the camera as the recording light blinked to life, and raised her hand victoriously. She grabbed the smile microphone in front of her and laughed, "It looks like everything is working. Thank God, I wouldn't have known how to fix it otherwise."
"Alright everybody, welcome to the first race weekend vlog hosted by me! Your favorite McLaren admin and social manager. It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to go about this, but now I think I settled on a format that will work," She explained as she walked around the small, clean kitchen that was within frame of the camera. She pulled a glass jar out of her cabinets and left it on the counter before pulling a jug of cold brew and a cartridge of milk out of her fridge.
"It is currently 7:30 A.M on March 29th, and I have a flight to Melbourne in 3 hours. I'm already packed and ready for this weekend, but I wanted to get an introduction filmed and I wanted to take a shower before I left." Y/N paused for a moment as she poured the coffee into her mason jar until she seemed satisfied and began to add some milk. "I am totally exhausted so this is probably cup one of like," she laughed, "I don't know seven probably. And this is a pretty big jar I won't lie."
"The race weekend doesn't technically start until Friday, so I'll be getting there a bit early, but I wanted to film some content before the race weekend gets really hectic, so McLaren is sending me a little bit earlier. I'm excited though! I love the heat, even if I live in London the antithesis of Australian weather," she taste-tested her coffee and hummed in delight.
"God I really never miss with this stuff," she said contently. "Anyway, it's a bit of an early start today, but I'll have plenty of time to sleep on the fight. I mean can you believe that London to Melbourne is a nearly 22 hours," she scoffed. "I vote that we start making all of the races in one place so I don't have to feel jet lag more painful than the force of 1,000 suns every other weekend. Not that I'm complaining," she chuckled awkwardly, "I love my job McLaren please don't fire me."
Abruptly an orange tabby cat came into the frame of the camera, causing Y/N to abruptly grab her glass jar in the hopes of avoiding a mess. She gasped, but laughed as the cat scampered off as quickly as it had come. She shook her head fondly.
"That, ladies and gentleman, was Cali! My cat. She's literally my baby, and I love her more than anything else on this earth. However, she does have an affinity for hitting things off of counters and breaking them. She also hates men and nearly all other animals, so she's basically the world's biggest hazard to society. She's a good girl, I love her." Y/N explained between sips of coffee as she stared wistfully past the the frame of the camera, where it could be assumed Cali had gone.
Abruptly an alarm went off and Y/N threw her head back with a groan.
"That means I have to get in the shower and get ready so I can leave on time," she said, before taking a few more sips of coffee. "I'm going to go do that, and the next time you'll hear my beautiful voice will be at the Melbourne Airport! Cue the travel montage!"
An assortment of clips follow. Y/N is seen dragging her luggage through Heathrow Airport. Y/N is seen ordering another coffee at the airport, finishing the coffee, and ordering another before her flight. Y/N is seen responding to emails from her airplane seat, editing video footage, and responding to instragram and twitter comments. Footage is shown outside the plane window of a cloudy, blue sky and a time lapse is shown as the sky grows beautiful shades of pink and red before becoming a starry-night sky. Y/N is seen cozy in a throw blanket and a travel pillow, presumably asleep with headphones on. Y/N is shown pulling her luggage through the airport once again, with a brand new coffee cup in hand. She smiles, taking a sip before she is seen settled down in a seat in the bustling airport.
"Twenty-two or so hours later and I have finally landed in Melbourne. I'm waiting for my Uber to get here so I can finally be taken to my hotel to drop my stuff off. I have a meeting with the McLaren drivers in two hours, but luckily I slept really well on the plane. I don't know how else I would be able to deal with Lando Norris. I'm going to finish this coffee in order to maximize my tolerance for the next few hours, but I suspect I'll be getting a new coffee before I reach that meeting. My addiction truly knows no bounds," she laughs, trying to ignore the people vaguely shown within frame that are staring at her speaking to a camera.
The camera cuts abruptly and the waiting screen from SpongeBob flashes on the screen, including the narrator's voice reading "2 hours later."
Y/N is shown once again in new clothes, a new coffee cup in hand, and luggage replaced by a small canvas bag. Her comfortable plane clothes have been swapped out for jean shorts and a plain white tank-top. Her hair is clipped back out of her face, and she is adorned with simple gold jewelry and light makeup.
Y/N smiles at the camera as she walks, bustling and talking heard around her, before whispering into the small microphone, "I have arrived at the McLaren garage. It is now time to meet with Lord Lando and workplace mascot Oscar Piastri," the titles slip off her tongue sarcastically and she doesn't bother suppressing an eye-roll.
In the next clip, Oscar and Lando are seen seated on either side of her as they sit in what seems like a board-room. Lando leans over and whispers something that the camera doesn't pick up and Oscar laughs while Y/N grimaces and reaches forward to readjust the camera. When the camera comes back on, Lando and Oscar are seated together on the left of Y/N as she faces on angle toward both them and the camera.
"Don't just sit there and look pretty, say hello to the camera boys," Y/N says and Oscar cackles at the disgruntled look on Lando's face.
"Is that your way of calling me pretty Y/N," Lando chokes out between laughs, and Y/N scoffs with an eye-roll.
"I was actually talking about Oscar, but whatever floats your little papaya boat Norris," Y/N deadpans and Oscar doubles over from the force of his laughter at the pout on Lando's face.
"That's not nice at all, I hope you know that. I think I am sitting here very prettily, thank you very much," Lando says, leaning into the girl next to him to speak into her microphone.
Y/N draws the microphone back, swatting him away, "Yes, yes quite prettily," Y/N mocks in a British accent.
Oscar, still trying to recover, joins in, "Pretty little Lando Norris," and Y/N laughs jovially, reaching across Lando as if the boy weren't there to high-five the Austrialian driver.
"Bullies, the lot of you," Lando mumbles and Y/N brushes off his comment without response before finally facing the camera.
"Anyway, welcome to the first McLaren race weekend vlog. I'm Y/N L/N, the best media manager in the whole god damn world, and this is Lando Norris, the biggest pain in my ass, and Oscar Piastri, the second biggest pain in my ass. How are you feeling about Melbourne boys?" Y/N questions, transitioning smoothly much to the British driver's chagrin.
"Feeling proud to be the second biggest pain in the ass and not the first. Probably the only time i've been glad to get second actually," Oscar comments and Y/N laughs as Lando shakes his head in disappointment.
"But in all seriousness it is good to be home, this is easily my favorite race of the year seeing as it's my home race and i'm looking forward to, hopefully, good results from our team," Oscar supplies and Y/N nods along to his words.
"Yes, Australia, we are in you and we are happy about it," both boys choked out a laugh at the manager's sexual innuendo and Oscar quickly covered his mouth with his hand so as not to react too much. "What about you Lando what are you feeling," Y/N questioned, leaning the small microphone to the boy.
"Feeling like that was a stupid joke. And also like I am going to be getting P1 this weekend. I can feel it in my bones."
"Leave my jokes alone Lando, you're not being paid to be a critic," she scoffed, "and if I recall, you said the same thing in Saudi Arabia not that long ago. What's changed now?"
Lando rolled his eyes, "What's changed is that we're in Australia now and I'm feeling much more confident."
"Well thank god for that," Y/N supplied unhelpfully as Oscar laughed.
"Now, what we really came here for, it's time to film a video for this channel, it's going to be a fan Q and A, I picked the questions. By the time this vlog is up, the QnA should've already been posted. So feel free to stop watching this and to go watch that or whatever," Y/N commented. "After that we're going to film a TikTok challenge," both and Lando and Oscar grimaced, but Y/N ignored their dismay at the idea of fiming yet another TikTok, so cue the montage! Filming time!" Y/N exclaimed and the screen transitioned to a new series of clips.
In the first clip Oscar and Lando were sitting in two chairs while Y/N sat across from them with a set of notecards.
"Lando, this question from user "ln4mania" asks, "Are you and admin actually friends? Or is the online beef real? The people demand answers!" Y/N reads off with a laugh.
"Do you hear that, the people demand answers Lando! Don't keep them waiting!" Oscar and Y/N laugh as Lando shakes his head and tucks his face into his hands.
"There is no beef, guys. Me and admin, or rather me and Y/N are just fine. We hadn't even actually met when that happened," Lando supplied between laughs. Y/N looked at the camera and rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, faux-disagreeing with the boy.
She ignored the simmering pit of disappointment in her stomach. She did in fact have a problem with entitled little Lando Norris who still gave her side-eyed looks and judgmental stares whenever he saw her. If that wasn't humiliating enough, Oscar had clearly noticed it too, which just gave Y/N the feeling that she wasn't being taken seriously at all now that Oscar understood Lando's lack of respect for Y/N. However that didn't matter in the current moment. All that mattered was making this video.
The next clip showed Lando and Oscar sitting at a table with bowls of water in front of them and towels strewn across a chair just within frame of the camera. Y/N stood behind them, hands rested in their hair as she reacted to the prompts being read by someone, an unnamed media intern, off-camera.
"Who is harder to make videos with?" The intern asked and Y/N huffed out a laugh as she let her hands fully grasp Lando's curls and push him into the water quickly. He sputtered, trying to blink the water out of his eyes as Y/N laughed at the wet-puppy dog look he was sporting.
Y/N tried to shake the ridiculous desire to let her hands run through the soft curls underneath her finger tips. Curse Lando and whatever stupidly good, rich-person hair routine he used that made him smell good and look good, and... whatever.
Lando, blinking water out of his eyes, was now undoubtedly certain that being damn-near waterboarded was worth it if it meant that Y/N would laugh like that again. He knew Oscar would harass him again later for being "down-bad" or something along those lines- as he had done every time he caught the man staring-, but as he caught a glimpse of Y/N's bright smile and shaking shoulders, he found he didn't really care.
The next clip showed Oscar, Lando, Y/N, and a laughing media intern as they all dried off- somehow all having become wet through the course of filming. Y/N dried herself off quickly, taking a sip of her newly refilled coffee, not seeing the way that only the camera and Oscar saw Lando stared at her until the driver was nudged back into focus on drying himself off.
A title-card once again came on the screen with white words on a photo collage of Australian grand-prix candids that Y/N had taken, reading "Race montage? More likely than you'd think."
Footage was shown of the free practice sessions. Oscar and Lando getting in and out of their cars. Engineers along the pit wall going over data. The team speaking incoherently, going over the game plan for Sunday's race. Oscar and Lando greeting fans, signing merch, and posing for photos. Y/N smiling and waving at a cheering crowd of people before staring at the camera incredulously with a small caption reading: "Omg she's famous your honor". More clips showed Lando laughing as Oscar tossed grapes and Lando moved to catch them with his mouth. Lando nearly choking as Y/N cackled in the background. Multiple clips showing Y/N with a fresh coffee, and another... and another, as Oscar's face in the background grew with concern. Zak Brown explaining to Y/N the dangers of caffeine overdose, and the need for moderation. Y/N explaining to Zak Brown that without coffee she would simply collapse and die, which the camera showed did nothing to ease her concern. Y/N getting caps signed by the drivers for fans and walking away with intricate friendship bracelets decorating her wrists.
And finally footage of the race. The engineers in the garage. The pit-crew changing tires. The cars racing past as Y/N watched attentively. Footage of the crowd as they cheered when the cars whizzed past. Smiling faces of fans. Y/N's cheers as Oscar and Lando passed. The smiling faces of McLaren employees as Lando and Oscar crossed the checkered flag in P6 and P8 respectively.
Y/N accepting hugs from both drivers, ignoring the burning sensation in her stomach as Lando wrapped his arms around her with a smile and a laugh. Y/N calling Lando smelly and telling him to go wash off if he wants to hug her next time, and him rolling his eyes at her fondly before making a face at the camera. The podium celebration is shown and Y/N smiles as the anthem plays, even though it's not for her own team.
The final clip is shown of Y/N in her hotel room, comfortable in sweats as she sits on the unmade bed.
"Not bad results this week guys! P6 for Lando and P8 for Oscar, which are good points for the team. I'm happy on my end, I think we got some good content filmed, and I am now ready to go to sleep so I can get home to Cali and my own bed quicker. I hope you enjoyed this video, and if you didn't don't tell me because I don't care!" Y/N jokes with a smile.
"Hopefully I will see you all at the next race, if not the race after that! Bye papaya fans, and be sure to follow us on instagram and all of the other social platforms!" Y/N exclaimed, gesturing to the list of the social media handles that appeared on her right hand side.
And with that, the camera cut to black.
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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 29,145 others
ynusername afraid to report that i fought jetlag and lost 😔 i did sleep for 25 hours straight after melbourne and i had no clue where i was when i woke up! shout out cali for waking me up 🙏🏼 best friend frl
9,547 comments
bsfusername i'm going to try not to be offended by that caption (love you bb cali) but FUCK YOU CAUSE I BOUGHT YOUR ASS BREAKFAST
ynusername my bad! s/o to that bomb ass omlette 🤩
bsfusername never doing shit for you again
user34 that vlog was god tier, how long did that take
ynusername it took 7 hours of editing and years off my life, thanks so much for asking 🥳
maxverstappen1 thanks again for those podium photos! you have a gift for photography 💪🏻
ynusername don't mention it! 👍🏼
ynusername (no seriously, mclaren might behead me)
mclaren beheading is so last year. firing squad. 🗣️
user35 not y/n threatening herself 💀
oscarpiastri suprised your body didn't naturally wake up for coffee
ynusername it did! just 25 hours later
user36 your poor cat was literally starving for a whole day? youre a horrible owner
ynusername let me introduce you to god's greatest creation: the automatic feeder!!! i'm sure they can mail one to whatever fucking rock you live under!
user37 PERIODDDD
user38 me personally? i'd never log on again
user39 she needs a personal channel 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i'd subscribe
user40 her cat is so cute 😭😭😭 gimme that
ynusername 🫵 STAY BACK HEATHEN, NO ONE TOUCHES CALI AND LIVES
user40 my bad fam 🧍🏻♀️
user41 i want someone to love me as much as she loves that mean ass cat
landonorris don't you have a job to be doing 💀💀 she slept through a full work day
user42 lando always on her ass and for whattttt
user43 obsessed obsessed obsessed
ynusername i had the day off! but not the guy who was streaming video games coming for me 🥱 talking bout get a job
user44 lando and y/n beefing on insta again? we're so back
user45 at this point instagram comment beef isn't enough, they need to duel or some shit
user46 the caffeine addiction almost got her guys
ynusername i wish it would, then i wouldn't have to work with lando's annoying ass
landonorris I CAN SEE YOUR COMMENTS???
ynusername THAT'S THE POINT
user47 honestly just give her a gun atp, these men test her too damn much
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user48 NURSE 🫵 SHE'S RIGHT HERE
user49 no fr, like let's get back to bed grandma
user50 OP, are you concussed?
user51 no actually cause didn't y/n just say she wanted to khs working with him 💀💀
pastryboy81 that sign can't stop me, because i can't read!
user53 OK I ACTUALLY SEE THE VISION
user54 ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED???!1!1
user55 i fear i totally get it 😔
user56 it's giving enemies to lovers, secret relationship type vibe lowkkkk
user57 no deadass like he hugged her reallll tight
user58 she also hugged oscar 😭😭?? and he has a whole gf
user59 the way she shoved him off and told him he reeked not 5 seconds after 💀 delusion is a disease yall
user60 someone call the f1 gossip pages cause 😗
user61 more like someone call the ward cause somethings real off with yall 🤨
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sorry that this update took forever, i had surgery and recovery has been rougher than i expected! hope you enjoy!!
please leave your thoughts in the comments and feel free to drop a request for your fav in my asks <3
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𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666
#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1#f1#f1 smut#f1 x you#formula one#f1 imagine#f1 smau#lando norris smau#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris imagine#racew1nn3rs#racew1nn3rs: fake it till you make it
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