#i'm glad i'm here

[the-moon-loves-the-sea]

Pride's a strange time for me. For years it was a quiet, sad, hopeful little silent celebration for me -- for as long as it took to get my family all the way out of the cult where we trained, and worked, and worshiped, and lived.

Whenever we run into people from the cult who've made it out -- really out, not just left but stopped believing in the demons that haunt forbidden things waiting to latch onto us, and the immediate perfection of the soul, and our responsibility to personally bring about the imminent end of the world -- when we find them it's like finding family. They know what it was like.

So we sat around the table, the other night, talking about how the church attached to it closed down, and how much worse we felt for a while after we left, and how much better we feel now. And then one of them said that the cult might be about to close too. They're running out of money. They have been for a long time, but they've got no land and no companies left to sell.

So I went into Pride with a strange feeling of collapse -- restraint gone with the walls of the place that used to stand between me and the rest of you.

My sister just left a few months ago. My mom a few months before that. Neither of them has really processed how it was, though they've started to understand a bit. When I try to talk to them about it, they shut down. The boundaries of the things they're not allowed to think still hold. They might always. Hell is a deep fear.

It's strange that the one thing I'm thankful I took from the cult was my partner. I'm so glad I've got him -- me, a dyke, not that I knew that when I got married; my first kiss was my wedding day and we hadn't done more than hold hands. He was the first one to ask if I wanted to leave. He wanted me to be okay more than he wanted me to stay. He's been the first one to gladly hear all the things I was doubting and all the forbidden things I'd learned. He's made space for me and kept liking me while I've learned how to be angry and sad and assertive and tired. He's figured out how to be my partner now that I can't be his wife any more.

For a while we had plans to separate as soon as I finished college. My cult's college degree is unaccredited and I have no work experience outside them and the church. I don't even know how to write a resume. We've had to postpone that indefinitely. Kiddo has multiple disabilities, and one of us needs to stay with her, and my partner has work experience, so he's bringing in the income. We're in a holding pattern. And yet.

Our house does not belong to them. None of our income comes through them. They don't have access to records of our spiritual care or our mental health. I have an ex-fundie lesbian therapist, and meds, and friends. I've got a queer book club. I can go to Pride with my family, look across the street at my friend from the cult praying and protesting the event, and know that if she sees me, it doesn't matter any more. I own my soul.

Year by year the boundaries of me get clearer. I don't feel like a ghost now, and I'm figuring out how to be a person.

I've been here on tumblr for twelve years, over the whole course of this slow escape, from the year I married my husband until now. A lot of what I saw here helped me imagine a happy future for us, and learn about queer history, and give a sense of family and a place in the world. I know some of you are coming from similar pain, and I hope you know I'm with you. And I don't talk about my life on here that often, but it's good that I can. The only people left living with me love all of me. Happy Pride, y'all.

[call-me-chips]

.

[sky-kid-18]

there is nothing like a cold breeze

hitting your back

the smell of cut grass

on a day you didn't think you'd see

[vintageseawitch]

i'm a huge fan of Republicans, conservatives or however you want to be politically labeled choosing country over party. please let me see more stories. it's a brave thing to do this. even if you voted for him in both 2016 & 2020 but you changed your mind now, WELCOME. it's a massive deal to get out of any cult successfully & MAGA is no different. being filled with anger & hatred, & fear is intoxicating & honestly easier than choosing to do the right thing. i'm glad you saw the light.

check your registration status often & don't stop talking about Project 2025. they can pretend they're distancing themselves from it as much as they want but it's absolutely their policy. we can do this though if we just show up & VOTE. we got this 💙

[dostyaak]

I'VE BEEN HERE FOR FIVE YEARS???

I should get lobotomized.

[reasonsforhope]

Sometimes you just have one of those moments where the progress we've made as a culture get thrown into stark relief. You look at something and go "Holy shit, that would never have happened when I was a kid."

Today, I had one of those moments when I realized that the teenage boys I'm working with are just. genuinely, openly enthusiastic about going to Build-a-Bear for their outing.

These are sixteen and seventeen year old boys! They just had a whole conversation about what to name their "cute", mostly new squishmallows! They're genuinely excited that they're going to Build-a-Bear this weekend and asking other kids to pick up specific accessories for them!!

Holy shit, that never would've happened when I was 16. None of the boys would have dared to be visibly interested - and neither would most of the girls! There would have been a million gay jokes and "Haha, you're a girl" jokes and "What are you, a baby?" jokes. Teenagers weren't even supposed to care about anything back then!

Less than 15 years later, and I'm watching three 17 year old boys treat all that as not even worthy of comment.

So let's call that a reason for hope. Even when the kids aren't alright, in some ways apparently they are alright. Go Gen Z, honestly. It's so lovely to watch you guys just openly doing and saying stuff that, when I was a teen, would've been a social death sentence.

[egophiliac]

buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK

[arealtrashact]

'The cage is open. You can walk out anytime you want. Why are you still in there?'

[elena-illustration]

“all the deaths could have been prevented if andrey and goncharov just had gay sex” well what if they had gay sex and then still did the killings. i think they deserve to have some killings as a treat

[jkvjimin]

PARK JIMIN & KIM NAMJOON ↳ MMM (Mini & Moni Music)

[keferon]

The tac net crash chapter is one of my favorites so far~

Ah and. Guess what. I just discovered that including this post, I made 50 pieces of fanart for Mistakes on mistakes until.. I’m so sane and normal about this story can you tell👍

[isjasz]

[Day 341] Despite everything

[maxkirin]

[rudjedet]

bone broth is also corpse magic

[technically-human]

Can you draw something with Doom Patrol!Edwin and Netflix!Edwin?

Maybe something about Dp!Edwin talking about his feelings for Charles with N!Edwin?

It's just something I've been thinking of, make it a little angsty?<3

Glad you asked

ko-fi

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

take this silly thing while I struggle with animation