#i'm fully preparing for this show to betray me
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"I don't want to carry the chairs anymore. I want to carry you."
#playboyy#playboyy the series#korn palat#kaowoat supasin#teenazouey#playboyyedit#thai bl#thai drama#bl drama#bl series#they have my whole heart and there's nothing i can do#i'm fully preparing for this show to betray me#by pharawee
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There Is No Love Purer Than Mine
Sylus x gn!Reader
Based on a video I can't find where a girl on one of those dating tv shows says "I love you" to a guy, and he asks her to repeat it again and again as his voice cracks. It's always stuck with me, and now I'm pulling it out of cold storage
Warnings: kissing, crying, declarations of love, mild hurt/comfort
Word Count: 625
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The words stole the air from your lungs. You stare at Sylus, wide-eyed and trying to remember how to breathe, while he has the audacity to lounge nonchalantly against the sofa and watch.
He smirks at your reaction. His arms are stretched along the back of the couch. His sweater steals the intimidation from his face and invites you to curl into his side. You had been, moments ago, but then he said… He said…
“What’s the matter, kitten?” he asks. It’s playful, but his arm falls to brush a hand against your cheek, betraying the real concern behind the bravado.
You swallow. Your voice comes out as a whisper, still breathless and shaky. “Say it again.”
His smirk softens into a smile. He brushes some hair behind your ear. “I love you.”
Your breath hitches in your throat. “Again.”
This time, he sits forward. His other arm reaches out to hold your hand where it sits in your lap. He says it reverently. “I love you.”
It feels like your body has been dunked in a cold bath. Chills run up your arms. Your chest feels tight. He pulls your blanket tighter around you. Tears burn at the corners of your eyes. “Again…”
“I love you.” He leans forward until your foreheads touch. “I love you.” He cups your cheek and brushes away a tear with his thumb. His eyes never leave yours. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
You close your eyes and lean into his touch - pressing your forehead insistently against his, tilting your face into his hand, shifting closer on the couch. Tears stick to your eyelashes before they fall down your cheeks. He brushes them away diligently. You squeeze his hand tightly.
“Is this okay?” he asks, voice low and gentle.
You nod immediately. His long fingers curl around your jaw, fingertips in your hair, holding you to him.
“I love you.”
It’s so soft you almost don’t feel it. The brush of his lips over yours. If you hadn’t feel his breath warming them, you wouldn’t have realized at all. You crack your eyes open to watch when you tilt your chin up, seeking a full, proper kiss.
He answers your demand. Stuttered and solid breaths merge, gasping every time your lips separate, preparing for the next moment they connect. Over and over. The salt of the popcorn clings to his lips, complimenting the salt of your tears. His tongue carries the distinct fruitiness of his wine as it seeks yours out. Tempered moans and sighs pass between each other.
When he pulls away, you strain your neck forward for more, but he presses his thumb to your lips instead. You blink your eyes open at him, glistening and red from crying.
For a second, you’re scared. Scared he’ll take it back. Scared he’ll toss you aside, laugh in your face, leave you behind. Scared he’ll leave a scar on your heart that will never fully mend.
But he doesn’t.
He kisses the corner of your mouth. Your cheek. Under your eye. Over your closed eyelid. When he pulls back, he doesn’t stray far.
“Come here, my beloved,” he coos as he pulls you into his side. You wrap your arms around his torso, bury your wet face into his sweater. He wraps both arms around you, too, a silent promise not to let go.
The movie is just background noise now. You have no idea what’s happening in the story and you can’t give a damn. When you rest your chin against him to look at his face, he’s not watching either.
“I love you…” you whisper, tentative. Testing the shark-infested waters and trusting he’ll save you.
And he does.
“I love you, too, kitten.”
---
@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41
#fanfic#fanfiction#sylus#sylus x reader#love and deepspace sylus#lads sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#lads#lads x reader#lnds#lnds x reader#hurt/comfort
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Just wanted to tell you that your recent art of Machete looking after Vasco while he's sick reminded me of Nights at the Villa by Gogol. Only a small fragment of it survived, probably because it's straight up author's diary about falling in love for the first time with a man who is already dying. It's such a beautiful little piece and your art really reminded me of it's vibes. Anyway, I'm mentally ill about russian literature and I love your dogs <3
The longing and lamenting quite something, poor guy.
It's not very long so I'm just going to put the whole thing under the cut ->
They were sweet and tormenting, those sleepless nights. He sat, ill, in the armchair. I was with him. Sleep dared not touch my eyes. Silently and involuntarily, it seems, it respected the sanctity of my vigil. Its was so sweet to sit near him, to look at him. For two nights already we have been saying "thou" to each other. How much closer he has become to me since then! He sat there just as before, meek, quiet, and resigned. Good God! With what joy, with what happiness I would have taken his illness upon myself! And if my death could restore him to health, with what readiness I would have rushed toward it!
-
I did not stay with him last night. I had finally decided to stay home and sleep. Oh, how base, how vile that night and my despicable sleep were! I slept poorly, even though I had been without sleep for almost a week. I was tormented by the thought of him. I kept imagining him, imploring and reproachful. I saw him with the eyes of my soul. I hastened to come early to him and felt like a criminal as I went. From his bed he saw me. He smiled with his usual angel's smile. He offered his hand. He pressed mine lovingly.
"Traitor." he said, "You betrayed me." "My angel," I said, "Forgive me. I myself suffered with your suffering. I was in torment all night. My rest brought me no repose. Forgive me!" My meek one! He pressed my hand. How fully rewarded I was for the suffering that the stupidly spent night had brought me!
"My head is weary," he said. I began to fan him with a laurel branch. "Ah, how fresh and good," he said. His words were then… what were they? What would I have not given, what earthly goods, those despicable, those vile, those disgusting goods… no, they are not worth mentioning. You into whose hands will fall -if they will fall- those incoherent, fleebe lines, pallid expressions of my emotions, you will understand me. Otherwise they will not fall into your hands. You will understand how repulsive the entire heap of treasures and honors is that attracts those wooden dolls which are called people. Oh, with what joy, with what anger I could have trampled underfoot and squashed everything that is bestowed by the mighty scepter of the Tsar of the North, if I only knew that this would buy a smile that indicated the slightest relief in his face.
"Why did you prepare such a bad month of May for me?" He said to me, awakening in his armchair and hearing the wind beyond the window-panes that wafted the aroma of the blossoming wild jasmine and white acacia, which mingled with the whirling rose petals.
-
At ten o'clock I went down to see him. I had left him there hours before to get some rest, to prepare [something] to him, to afford him some variety, so my arrival would give him more pleasure. I went down to him at ten o'clock. He had been alone for more than one hour. His visitors had long since left. The dejection of boredom showed on his face. He saw me. Waved his hand slightly.
"My savior." He said to me. They still sound in my ears, those words. "My angel! Did you miss me?" "Oh, how I missed you." He replied. I kissed him on the shoulder. He offered his cheek. We kissed; he was still pressing my hand.
He did not like going to bed and hardly ever did. He preferred his armchair and the sitting position. That night the doctor ordered him to rest. He stood up reluctantly and, leaning on my shoulder, moved to his bed. My darling! He weary glance, his brightly colored jacket, his slow steps- I can see it all, it is all before my eyes. He whispered in my ear, leaning on my shoulder and glancing at the bed: "Now I'm a ruined man."
"We will remain in bed for only half an hour," I said to him, "and then we'll go back to your armchair".
I watched you, my precious, tender flower! All the time when you were sleeping or merely dozing in you bed or armchair, I followed your movements and your moments, bound to you by some incomprehensible force.
How strangely new my life was then and, at the same time, I discerned in it a repetition of something distant, something that once actually was. But it seems hard to give an idea of it: there returned to me a fresh, fleeting fragment of my youth, that time when a youthful soul seeks fraternal friendship with those of one's age, a decidedly juvenile friendship, full of sweet, almost infantile trifles and mutual show of tokens of tender attachment; the time when it is sweet to gaze into each other's eyes, when your entire being is ready to offer sacrifices, which are usually not even necessary. And all those feelings, sweet, youthful, fresh - alas! Inhabitants of a vanishing world - all these feelings returned to me. Good Lord! What for? I watched you, my precious, tender flower. Did this fresh breath of youth waft upon me only so that I might suddenly and irrevocably sink into even greater and more deadening coldness of feelings, so that I might become all at once older by a decade, so that I might see my vanishing life with even greater despair and hopelessness? Thus does a dying fire send its flames up into the air, so that it might illuminate with its flickering the somber walls and then disappear forever.
#its was so sweet to sit near him#to look at him#for two nights already we have been saying “thou” to each other#answered#alphaori#the pet name game is strong#my angel#my meek one#my savior#my darling#my precious tender flower
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Snape’s Legacy Goes Beyond His Flaws: part 1
I wrote this post to highlight moments when, despite his personal wounds, Snape still chooses to save the lives of the Marauders. My goal was to show how, no matter how flawed, Snape acts as a brave hero who prioritizes human life. The comments below genuinely surprised me, and they actually make me want to quote specific passages from the books to showcase Snape’s actions. I'm splitting this post into two parts, as including all the quotes from the books makes it quite long.
It’s honestly hilarious when some people keep telling: 'read the books,' while they seem blissfully unaware of how things actually go down in the story. One can only hope that one day they’ll realize fanfics aren’t the original books. Shocking, I know—but those are just fans playing with their own imagination, not a hidden version of the canon.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, THE PRINCE’S TALE: dark night: He was accompanied by other hooded Death Eaters, and ahead were Lupin and a Harry who was really George. . . . A Death Eater moved ahead of Snape and raised his wand, pointing it directly at Lupin’s back — “Sectumsempra!” shouted Snape. But the spell, intended for the Death Eater’s wand hand, missed and hit George instead — Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, HERMIONE'S SECRET: “I don’t know — Harry, look at Snape!” Together they peered around the bush at the other bank. Snape had regained consciousness. He was conjuring stretchers and lifting the limp forms of Harry, Hermione, and Black onto them. A fourth stretcher, no doubt bearing Ron, was already floating at his side. Then, wand held out in front of him, he moved them away toward the castle.
Let me lay it out clearly: in this scene, Snape’s priority is to save the lives of four people and uphold justice:
Snape is taking the most honorable approach here. He knows that three of his students have directly disobeyed him, put themselves in harm’s way, and even teamed up with Black, a known fugitive, against his warnings. Yet he controls his anger because his first priority is their safety and getting them back to school unharmed.
Snape believes at this moment that Black has conspired with Voldemort, betrayed the Potters, orphaned their son, killed Pettigrew, and murdered twelve innocent Muggles. It’s no wonder he feels Black deserves the Dementor’s Kiss. Even Harry, when he believed these things about Black, felt that justice should be served and saw no issue in Black paying the price for such crimes. And remember, when Black learns the truth about Pettigrew, he’s furious enough to try to kill him on the spot. Yet, Snape has the composure and discipline to restrain his rage and sees it as his responsibility to bring Black back alive. He leaves the punishment to the legal system and to justice, refusing to take it into his own hands.
And let’s not forget: just an hour before, Sirius was openly willing to drag Snape’s unconscious body to the castle, fully prepared to bash Snape’s head against the ceiling—purely out of lingering childish hatred for Snape’s appearance and background. Sirius had no regard for the injuries he might inflict on Snape.
Barbara: I was very disappointed to see harry use crucio and seem to enjoy it his failure to perform that kind of curse in the past has been a credit to his character why the change, and did harry later regret having enjoyed deliberately causing pain J.K. Rowling: Harry is not, and never has been, a saint. Like Snape, he is flawed and mortal.
His character flaws don’t erase all the good he’s done or the impact he’s had. If you believe that being “flawed” or “grey” prevents someone from being a hero, then you’ve missed one of the core messages of the Harry Potter series. By that standard, no one in the books would be a hero because nearly every character has their own set of flaws. Even J.K. Rowling herself draws parallels between Snape and Harry, calling both of them imperfect. If you find Snape unforgivable, then logically, you’d have to find Harry Potter unforgivable, too.
Snape is a hero because he spends his life atoning for his mistakes. He stays on the right side even when there’s no personal gain, saving lives, healing others, and standing by his principles despite losing his way in darkness. He has the strength to return to the right path and stay loyal to it for years. Thanks to his courage and sacrifices, the wizarding world is freed from a dark wizard’s crimes. Because of him, innocent children like Harry aren’t left orphaned, and young mothers like Lily don’t lose their lives and families. Because of Snape’s loyalty, teenage souls like Draco Malfoy’s don’t get lost in darkness.
#severus snape#pro snape#anti snaters#snape defender#snape fandom#anti marauders#professor snape#snape#snapedom#pro severus#snape community#hp fandom#harry james potter#anti double standards#anon#character complexity#Hero In Shadows
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Show, Don’t Tell 📸
Sami Zayn x Fem!Black!Reader x Jey Uso
Summary: You finally snap and betray the very man you helped build up-Roman Reigns, and Sami and Jey want to help you pick up the pieces. But it's easier said than done, and with the rich history between the two of you, you understandably don't want to listen to a word they have to say. But Jey and Sami decide that to fully get through to you, they have to show you-rather than tell you-how much they love you.
warnings: smut!! threesome, angst to smut to fluff. word count: 15,895 tag list: @southerngirl41 @venusesworld @jeysbae @reci1996 @tbonesteakwithasideofmashngrav @hope4more @selena-tyler-564 @saintaquarius
a/n: I finally gave in and wrote a samijey fanfic because they are just so cute and hot and cute and pretty and ughh!! I'm a sucker for both of them, especially for sami, just look at him 🥹 Hope ya'll enjoy this!
incoming text from unknown number: i saw what happened. just want you to know i’m here for you. me and jey are here for you. hope ur okay.
outgoing text to unknown number: leave me alone.
incoming text from unknown number: okay, icing me out, using your typical defense mechanisms. clearly you’re not okay. and i'm gonna make sure you are, whether you like it or not.
outgoing text to unknown number: seriously, fuck off.
incoming text from unknown number: i didn’t give up on jey, you really think i’m gonna give up on you? i’m saving you from yourself, because i care for you. see you later. <3
You let out a huff as you shut off your phone for good and pocketed it, the city skylines passing by as your uber drove through the bustling streets. The moon shined down on the city, casting shadows that danced along the buildings. You leaned back in your seat, trying to push away the memories of the night as your mind raced with conflicting emotions. Hurt. Pain. Suffocation.
All those feelings swirled within you, making it difficult to focus on anything else.
You scratched at your skin, feeling the restlessness creeping in, the pain grounding you in a way. The Uber pulled up to your hotel, and you stepped out, feeling the cool night air against your face.
You finally did it. You betrayed the man who you helped build up, who helped you both get to the top of the industry, your own best friend.
And you couldn't feel more sick.
The weight of your actions bore down on your shoulders, the guilt twisting in your gut as you entered the hotel lobby. The receptionist offered a polite smile, but you barely acknowledged it as you headed straight for the elevator.
Acknowledge. You scoffed, feeling like the last thing you wanted to do was acknowledge anything or anyone at the moment. Everything was like a reminder of him. A reminder of how you had let him use you, and it felt like a knife twisting in your heart.
As the elevator doors slid open, you stepped inside and pressed the button for the 2nd floor. The soft hum of the elevator did little to soothe the turmoil inside you. Each passing second felt like an eternity as you ascended, thoughts racing, memories flashing before your eyes.
The doors pinged open, and you walked down the hallway, the click of your shoes on the polished floor echoing in the silence. You walked across the hall and opened the door to the bar, ready to find some solace in a drink or to avoid your problems- and the one person who you knew was trying to find you. The low hum of conversations and clinking glasses drowned out your emotions momentarily.
You slid onto a barstool, the cool wood offering a brief distraction from the whirlwind in your mind. The bartender approached, a friendly smile on their face.
"What can I get for you tonight?" they asked, wiping down the counter.
You hesitated, your mind still reeling. "Something strong, god knows I need it." you murmured, your voice barely audible over the ambient noise.
The bartender nodded knowingly and began to prepare a drink. You didn't offer a smile when she set down the glass in front of you, the amber liquid reflecting the dim lights of the bar. Taking a deep breath, you wrapped your fingers around the glass, the coldness seeping into your skin.
Just like the chill in your heart.
Everything felt cold. The air. Your skin. Your soul. Your mind.
You took a sip of the strong drink, the burning sensation down your throat momentarily distracting you from the chaos in your mind. But it was a fleeting respite. The bitter taste lingered, mirroring the bitterness that consumed your thoughts. You brushed a strand of your curly hair from your face, trying to focus on anything but the mess that your life had become, the mess you had become.
You weren't supposed to be like this. You were supposed to be untouchable, strong, always in control. successful, strong, and in control. But now, sitting at that bar, you felt none of those things. Even though you finally took control, you felt like everything was spiraling out of your grasp. Every sip of the drink brought a mix of numbness and a sharp sting of reality.
You didn't know how long you were sitting there, but you know you eventually got bored of sitting alone in the bar, drowning in your thoughts and the bitter taste of the drink that did little to ease your pain. You knew you had to eventually get up, relish in the fact that you have some kind of control left in your life, and that started by facing the man who you wanted nothing more from then for him to finally leave you alone.
Your keycard dinged as you approached your room door, the soft sound echoing in the hallway. With a heavy sigh, you slid the keycard into the lock and pushed open the door.
"You finally stopped avoiding me?" A familiar voice called out from the room, interrupting your thoughts.
"Fuck off." You replied coldly, slipping off your jacket and settling it over a chair.
"I told you, being mad won't make me leave you alone," You turned to the voice, and locked eyes with the chocolate-brown eyes you loved to hate. Or tried to hate.
Sami sat on the edge of the bed, a concerned look etched onto his face you'd grown used to. His usually wild hair was tamer than usual, and the dim lights of the room illuminated the weariness in his expression. He looked tired, but his eyes held a determination you couldn't ignore.
"How did you get in here?" You ignored his words, your voice laced with frustration.
Sami sighed, standing up and taking a step closer. "Bianca gave me your keycard. She was worried about you too."
You clenched your jaw, feeling the anger simmering beneath your skin. "You two need to learn how to mind your own business."
"You can yell at her after you're done yelling at me," Sami's words made you pause, and he continued, his tone softer, more earnest. "I know you're angry, and you have every right to be. But you're also hurting, and I want to help."
You scoffed, the bitterness in your voice unmistakable. "I don't need your help. What I need is for you to leave me alone and get the hell out of my room, and get the hell out of my life."
Sami took a step closer, ignoring your cold tone. "Maybe you don't need it, but you deserve it."
You glared at Sami, frustration bubbling within you at his persistence. Why wouldn't he just leave you alone? "I deserve to have a moment alone to myself, not have you out of all people suffocating me! Let's make this short and sweet. I don't care what you have to say, so leave me alone!"
Sami didn't listen to you- in fact he came closer to you, his gaze softening as he closed the distance between you. "You might not care for what I have to say, but you'll care for what he has to say."
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, before your eyes widened in realization and anger. "Sami…You didn't-"
"He did."
Your head whipped around at the sound of the new voice, freezing as you saw Jey standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a conflicted expression on his face. His presence in that moment was both a comfort and a stab in the heart that still held him dear to you.
"What are you doing here?" you snapped, feeling a surge of emotions you couldn't quite place. Confusion, anger, hurt, and something else you didn't want to acknowledge.
Jey pushed himself off the door frame, his eyes locking onto yours. "I needed to talk to you. Sami let me in."
"Well, I don't want to talk to you," you shot back, your voice sharper than you intended.
Jey winced at your words, taking a step into the room. "Then just listen to me."
"You really think I wanna listen to anything you have to say?" Your eyes were red with emotion as you tried to keep your composure. Sami's heart beaten with guilt as he looked at your fallen face, but he knew if he wanted to get through to you he was gonna have to bring the big guns- and that was Jey.
"I saw what happened tonight." Jey started, trying to settle the atmosphere with his calm, honey sweet voice, but you weren't having any of it.
"Good," you retorted, bitterness lacing your tone. "The same thing I did to Roman might happen to you if you don't leave me alone."
Jey winced at the the mention of Roman, his expression pained, He took another step forward, his eyes pleading. "
"I know how you're feeling."
You laughed bitterly, and the sound faded into the air like a haunting melody. "You have no idea how I'm feeling."
"I know you feel like you are sick to stomach, like you've betrayed someone you cared about." Jey spoke softly, his eyes holding a depth of understanding. "I know because I've been there too. I know what it's like to be torn between loyalty and doing what's right."
Your fists clenched at your sides, your emotions churning inside you. "Of course you know that! All you do is feel sorry for yourself and play the victim card, and I'm sick of it! I've been sick of it since you left The Bloodline, and you clearly haven't changed a bit since then."
You moved to the counter, putting some distance between yourself and Jey, trying to shield yourself from the flood of emotions his presence evoked. You needed to get them both the hell outta here before tings got messier than they already were.
Jey flinched at your words, hurt flashing across his features. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I'm asking for a chance to explain."
"There's nothing to explain!" Your voice rose in frustration, the whirlwind of emotions spinning out of control. "You chose your path. You walked away from everything we had built together. And now you have the audacity to show up here and act like you have any right to speak to me?"
Jey's expression shifted from hurt to anger, and he walked over to you, his eyes glaring at you with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine. "And what was I supposed to do? Stay and let Roman control me? Control us? I made my choice, and it's the same choice you made tonight, so don't act like you're any different than me."
Your breath caught in your throat, his words striking a nerve. You glared back, trying to mask the vulnerability that threatened to spill over. "I didn't ask for your opinion."
Jey chuckled at you, the sound hollow and bitter. "There you go again, deflecting shit when things get too real. You shut people out instead of facing the truth." He paused, his gaze never leaving yours. "I'm not here to make excuses. I'm here to make things right."
You stared at him, his words echoing in your mind. You couldn't deal with this right now. You couldn't deal with your emotions threatening to pour out right now. Sami- you could hold him off for a moment, but Jey's presence alone cracked through your defenses. You felt the walls you had built around yourself crumbling, and it terrified you.
"I don't want your apologies," you finally managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just want you both to leave."
Sami stepped forward, his expression softer but still determined. "Please, just listen to him."
You shook your head, feeling overwhelmed. The alcohol had dulled the edges of your emotions, but facing both Sami and Jey in that moment was a stark reminder of everything you were trying to suppress. "No. I'm going to bed, and I expect both of you to leave as soon as I go to my room."
You made a move to push past them, but Jey's hand shot out and grabbed your wrist gently, stopping you in your tracks. His touch was unexpected, sending a shiver down your spine. You looked at his hand, then slowly raised your gaze to meet his intense, conflicted eyes.
"I ain't letting you leave." Jey's voice was harsh yet pleading, and his eyes were the same as he stared at you, almost begging for your understanding. "I know I hurt you, but I couldn't let Roman's control consume me. And I can't let it consume you either."
You tried to pull your hand away, your voice filled with frustration. "Let go of me, Jey. I'm not doing this."
Sami stepped closer, a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently in a comforting gesture, as if trying to squeeze out the tension between the three of you. "Please, just hear us out. You can even slam the door on our faces after. You don't even have to talk, you just have to listen."
You glared at Sami, his touch only adding to your frustration. "I said I'm fine. I don't need either of you here."
Jey's grip on your wrist tightened slightly, not in a forceful way, but enough to make you stop and look at him. His eyes were searching yours, the intensity in them reflecting his inner turmoil. "Then why haven't you kicked us already? If you really wanted us gone, you woulda been called security on us."
You hesitated at his words. They were right. You could've easily made a scene and had them removed from your room, but something stopped you. A part of you wanted them to stay, to hear them out, even though you were fighting against it with every fiber of your being. But you were fighting it with all your might, trying to maintain control over a situation that was slipping further away.
"I don't owe you an explanation." Your voice was cold, but your face was betraying the facade you were desperately trying to uphold between the two men who knew you better than you knew yourself.
Jey released your wrist, but the weight of his touch lingered. "You don't owe us anything. But maybe, just maybe, you owe it to yourself."
His words echoed in your mind, the emotions within you intensifying. You turned away from both of them, gripping the edge of the counter as you tried to steady yourself.
Sami's hand left your shoulder, and you heard him move closer. "Tonight, you finally took a stand for yourself. You stood up against something that was suffocating you, just like Jey did. I know it feels like the world's crashing down on you right now, but you did what you thought was right."
You scoffed, feeling the turmoil within you reaching a breaking point. "You have no idea how I feel! You have no idea what it's like to feel like everything you 've built is crumbling around you!" You pushed Sami's chest away, turning to face them both with a cold stare. "You had a choice, Sami. You walked away, with no consequences. But I have to face these emotions myself. I have to face the man I created myself. Unlike you, I am not weak!"
You turned to Jey and pointed a finger at him accusingly as you continued. "And you. You're right."
Jey gazed at you, and it was as if you could see the hurt that ran rampant in his eyes, his lips twisted into a frown. And he knew you were feeling the same thing, no matter how hard you were trying to hide it. "You had to do what you had to do with Roman. Be your own man. But guess what, it was too late! Cause where was that man when I needed him the most?" You gestured wildly at your surroundings. "You were gone! Roman asks you once and you answer to him, no questions asked. And I had to pick myself off the ground while you acted like everything was okay when you chose him over me!"
Yeah, you and Jey were in a relationship , you had feelings for each other, known each other for years and had been close friends, the romantic and sexual tension that existed between the both of you was undeniable. And when you both finally made that leap and got into a relationship behind Roman's back and Roman found out, he told the both of you that relationships would distract you both in the factions, and then told Jey he was just looking out for you and that you wouldn't make the right choice-but he would, and that's to just be friends or else.
Jey heeded his warning and ended things between the two of you-saying he didn't want Roman to hurt the both of you- but you were already hurt by him, and hurt by Jey the most. Jey didn't even realize he was actually playing into Roman's control, but when he finally saw the light, it was too late, you had started building yourself back up without him. If he wanted to be friends, then he would get what he wanted, but it wouldn't be the same. But you would never let yourself be hurt like that again.
And then, when he left the Bloodline, you cut off all contact. You didn't get the chance to voice your feelings because everything fell apart in the blink of an eye, so you wouldn't let him know your true feelings unless it was forced on you.
But Jey had never gotten the message. He kept coming back, and coming back, and so did Sami, and you were sick of it. You were sick of their constant appearances, sick of their stupid faces always trying to comfort you, and most of all you were sick of yourself for letting them affect you this way. So you thought being mean would be enough, you thought keeping everyone at arms length would keep you safe, keep you sane… It never worked. Every time they showed up, and they were supposed to leave you alone, they'd somehow find their way back, making you question what was truly important to you…
And now, staring into their eyes, after you finally snapped on the man who you called your best friend after months of verbal manipulation and abuse, you felt the walls crumbling all around you. You felt the tension you had been holding onto all these months finally crackling into a raging fire inside you, a fire which you hoped Jey and Sami could finally quench. But instead they seemed to have ignited even more.
"I didn't chose him over you." Jey spoke softly, and his eyes were even softer as he gazed at you. You felt that fire inside you again, burning brighter now, hotter and stronger than before. "I chose to protect you. And now, you have to choose the same thing for yourself."
You closed your eyes briefly as you fought the feelings and tension you always felt when you were around them. The heat that rose inside you threatened to burn you from the inside out. But you refused to give in. There was too much pain running through your veins to allow you to fall to pieces right in front of them.
The silence that filled the room was deafening, until it was finally broken by Sami. "Look, you can be as snarky as you want, you can insult us as much as you want, but that won't change the fact that when I look into your eyes, I see someone who needs my help." Sami hesitantly came closer to you- his brown eyes boring into yours. “Someone who's lost everything, and has nothing but hope left. That's not you. And if you continue to run away from this-"
You scoffed, cutting him off, not wanting to listen anymore to whatever he was going to say. You couldn't give in to them.
"Just stop! Just fucking stop! Stop acting like you care about me, or about me, or about us. Just… just stop!" Tears welled in your eyes, and it made you want to scream. The tension grew so strong, you thought your head was going to explode. You felt the walls collapsing, the flames starting to lick at your skin.
Jey shook his head, taking a step forward towards you. "Are you tryna convince us or yourself? Cause all your doing is deflecting, deflecting, deflecting, acting like we ain't know every inch of you and what makes you tick, what drives you crazy."
His voice was loud, commanding, hot, and demanding, causing the temperature in the entire room to skyrocket. "Acting like we ain't know you're just tryna make us mad so we'll just leave, well get this through your fucking skull-we ain't gonna go anywhere, we are staying here whether you like it or not. Cause we fucking care about you! Because we 're here for you! We're gonna help you and show you that you fucking deserve everything good in this world, you deserve the best, you deserve us!”
His eyes were filled with a fire that matched yours that made your body heat up even more his voice low yet so demanding, his words harsh yet so caring. “Now, you gon' sit there, and tell us that you don't need help, you don't wanna accept our help because you think its weakness or somethin'? Well, that's just bullshit, baby. And we ain't gonna stand by and watch as you try to pretend like everything's fine when its not!"
Your eyes were blown wide, watching Jey take another step forward, anger blazing bright in his eyes. The heat radiating off of him, making your body heat up even further. You swallowed roughly, unable to speak, unable to process what you were hearing. A tear escaped your eye, rolling down your cheek.
You didn't bother wiping it away.
But Sami did.
His gentle touch wiped away the falling tear, bringing your attention towards his concerned expression. His beautiful brown eyes stared deeply into your eyes, looking straight past the facade you were putting up. Sami wasn't fooled, and neither was Jey.
"Please, sweetheart. Stop lying to yourself." His deep voice whispered soothingly, his face inches away from yours. "Stop lying to us. Let yourself be free." His lips were inches away from yours, and the walls you had built so tightly were slowly fading into dust.
You looked up into his soft eyes, and you knew exactly what they were saying. You knew exactly what he was thinking. "Let yourself be happy."
You didn't know what it was about those words, but they broke something inside of you, shattered the tug and war you were doing with your mind and heart, and you finally listened to your heart and pulled Sami down into a kiss.
He immediately responded and wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you closer to him. It was soft. It was sweet. It was everything you craved from him, and all you've ever wished he would do for you. It ended as fast as it started, and you pulled away, only just barely managing to hold in a whimper. Your heart pounded in your chest, and you knew that you were shaking. Sami soothingly rubbed your trembling back, trying his best to calm you down, but it just caused you to shiver.
"It's okay. You're okay." He whispered soothingly into your ear. He brought his hand up, caressing your face gently. "We got you babe, I promise." He said to reassure you.
You looked up, and your eyes flickered to Jey, who stood by the door watching you intently. His intense gaze made your skin heat up with yearning and lust. Your heart caught in your throat when he moved from the door and approached you. His presence seemed to fill your entire being, and you couldn't pull your gaze away from him.
He stopped just in front of you, and you could feel the tension and tension between the three of you growing thicker by the second. He slowly raised his hand, his thumb gently trailing along your jaw. You couldn't breathe, couldn't move. All you could do was watch as he leaned down, his lips so so close to yours.
"I will always love you, and this time, I'ma choose you for good." He breathed. And with that, his lips met yours.
The warmth and love pouring into you so strong, you were afraid you would melt. You loved him. And you knew he loved you, and the moment you felt it, you felt it with all your might despite your anger, and it made the walls inside you crumble once again.
Your fingers found their way into his hair, tangling themselves into the strands, and you kissed him back, desperate for more. You needed more. You needed him.
You missed how he smiled against your mouth. And you missed how his hands found their way to your lower back, pushing you flush against him, his fingertips grazing the skin under your shirt. And you missed how you weren't able to break apart long enough to breathe.
It felt like hours until Jey finally broke this kiss, panting slightly. His breath brushed against the side of your neck, sending tingles throughout your body.
His hands slid down the small of your back, grabbing each of your hips, holding you firmly against him. His warm breath tickled your skin, and you couldn't help but gasp lightly when his teeth grazed your collarbone. "Since you don't wanna listen to us talk about how we love you, we gon' show you how much we love you instead."
He nipped your collarbone again, letting out a pleased groan at your reaction. One of his hands slid up to cradle the side of your face, pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of your mouth.
Your eyes fluttered shut, savouring the feeling of his lips on yours. You missed being held. You wanted to be held. You wanted to be loved.
But you also knew that you couldn't let yourself be selfish. Not now. Not after everything you had done. So you pushed him away, forcing yourself to look him in the eyes. "No." You whispered, your voice hoarse. "I can't."
"Shh.." Sami interrupted you gently with a finger to your lips. "Don't push us away again. Not yet."
His lips met yours as Jey's sucked on your neck, making you arch your back and moan softly, the sound echoing around the quiet room. You felt Sami's hand creep up your shirt, stroking your thigh, and you whimpered, feeling his tongue slip into your mouth, kissing you with fervor that made you melt . Your hands trailed over his muscular chest, and you sighed as his hands slid around to your ass, squeezing it slightly before pulling away, looking deep into your eyes.
"You are worth so much more than anyone thinks." A whisper. And your knees almost gave in to his soft tone.
You yelped when Jey pulled you up with his muscular arm around your waist, picking you up bridal style as you squealed in excitement, wrapping your legs around his waist and clinging onto him for dear life. Sami smirked, wrapping one arm around Jey's shoulder as Jey picked you up bridal style, carrying you out of the room and towards your bedroom.
"You didn't have to carry me." You whined lightly into his ear, biting back another smile as he laughed softly, setting you down on the bed and leaning down to place a soft kiss to your neck again.
"And have you run away from us? I ain't letting that happen." He sucked on your sweet spot right underneath your ear, eliciting an immediate moan of pleasure that made you bite on your bottom lip, trying to hold it in. Jey chuckled and nipped at your neck once again, sucking on the tender flesh.
The bed dipped, and you turned around quickly, watching as Sami pulled his top off and crawled over to you and Jey. He climbed onto the bed, his eyes never leaving you and Jey, his lips curving up into a grin.
His grin widened when you pushed Jey off of you gently and sat up, taking off your shirt as well. Sami watched, his eyes trailing every inch of your body as your muscles tensed as you removed your bra, exposing your breasts, and your nipples hardened instantly in the cool air. He licked his lips and Jey had a wicked smile on his face as his panting intensified at the sight, and you smirked at him through a seductive grin, running your fingers through your hair and turning around to look back up at them, giving them a sexy wink.
"You said you were gonna show me how much you loved me. Was that just talk or are you gonna back it up?" You asked teasingly, uncrossing your legs and taking off your pants in one go.
They both grinned back, standing from the bed and taking off their clothes before moving to climb on top of you, hovering over you, their large and powerful bodies covering most of yours. The height difference was evident, but you didn't complain.
"We're gonna show you, alright." Sami murmured lowly in your ear, nibbling on it, causing a sharp inhale and his name to pass your lips, and he couldn't help but smile. He loved it when you moaned his name.
Jey lowered himself onto your lips. His lips were soft, and he tasted salty as you ran your tongue across them, tasting him, enjoying the taste as you moaned quietly into his mouth. His lips moved against yours passionately, and you couldn't help but moan loudly into his mouth and wrap your arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. You bit his bottom lip playfully, drawing a grunt from him, and you felt how he tightened his grip around your thighs.
He lifted you up, his grip still firm, and he walked backwards, dragging you with him, till you fell back onto the bed. He followed suit, sitting inbetween your legs and cupping your face with one of his hands. The other tangled into your hair, pulling your head forward so that he could capture your mouth again.
Your hands roamed over his body eagerly, exploring every inch of his skin you could reach, loving the goosebumps forming wherever you touched. Sami shuffled behind you, and you gasped into Jey's mouth when you felt his erection pressed into your back, his body leaning behind yours against the bed. Jey took advantage of your gasp and began nibbling on your lips, pulling away just as quickly as he had started. But not before licking at your bottom lip and grinning devilishly down at you.
"Mmh..you taste so fucking delicious babygirl." He mumbled huskily against your lips as you tried to catch your breath.
"Fuck yeah she does." Sami mumbled in agreement, his hands rubbing your naked skin, making you shiver with desire. "I'll get to her real soon." Sami muttered against your mouth before attacking your neck, his fingers dancing down to cup your bare breasts possessively.
Jey's hand found it's way to your legs, and he rubbed your thighs roughly, eliciting a moan from you, making you writhe against his lap, making him chuckle as his lips continued to explore your body. You arched your back, your hands reaching up to tug lightly at Sami's hair, wanting him to continue where he left off.
Sami growled into your neck, kissing up and down your skin as Jey hands teased your thighs, his finger gently rubbing against your swollen, wet folds, making you gasp loudly and shudder, your fingers digging into Jey's shoulders. Sami leaned forwards and caught the tip of your nipple between his teeth before biting sharply, earning a choked scream from you.
"Oh god." You panted as Jey's thumb began massaging your clit, his finger brushing back and forth, teasing the sensitive bundle of nerves inside your pussy and making you groan and lean your head back against Sami's chest.
"Relax, you deserve this" Sami breathed, his hands tightening around your hipbones, his thumbs rubbing circles on your hips.
"No, I don't." You grumbled back, but Jey's fingers moving faster made you choke on a moan, his fingers crooking into that spot that made you moan out uncontrollably, teasing it with each stroke, your eyes rolling back in your skull and your jaw clenching tightly. Jey kissed his way up your chest and rested his forehead against yours, his breath hot against your cheeks.
"Don't say shit like that. You deserve this." He said firmly, his dark brown eyes boring into yours. He circled the spot once again, making you cry out, his fingers dipping further inside your pussy. "You deserve everything, okay babygirl?"
You didn't think you did though. You thought you didn't deserve anything ever again. All the things you'd done to people. All the pain and hurt they had experienced. They had suffered because of you. Because you chose to do what you did. You chose to not stop the monster you made until he inevitably hurt you as well. You let your pride override your emotions. You let your love for giving your best friend everything in the world cloud your morals until you could no longer see the good side of anything. It was always about the future. Always about plotting away the future you instead of saving yourself right now.
"Stop thinking about it." Sami said softly, as if he was reading your mind. He tweaked your nipple, making you forget about everything instantly and whine loudly and arch your back, making you feel Sami's cock pressing against your butt, sending tingly shocks straight to your center.
"Shit..Sami..oh my God.." You panted, closing your eyes and tilting your head back to try and breathe better, but Jey's fingers were still working your pussy, stroking at your clit as Sami held your hips firmly, keeping you still as he moved his fingers inside your pussy, making you moan louder. "Please..fuck.." You panted out desperately, begging Jey to hurry up. Jey smiled and looked down at you, shaking his head slightly as he leaned down and placed a feather light kiss to your lips.
"Say you deserve it." He whispered, his voice low and deep and so full of lust and passion. You opened your eyes and looked down, unable to find the words to respond. You shook your head, and closed your eyes again. You didn't deserve i-
"No..say it." Sami ordered softly, harshly squeezing your boob hard, causing you to cry out and arch your back again. His gaze softened and he pulled away from you to kiss your cheek before leaning down and taking your right nipple into his mouth. You bit your lip, fighting off the urge to moan at how amazing it felt, and you heard Sami suck harder on your left nipple, causing you to whimper louder. You squirmed underneath the warm weight that was laying on you, your leg tangling with Jey's and his arm still holding you close, your hips shifting beneath his.
"You deserve to be loved. You deserve to feel loved, baby. So tell us, say it again." Sami growled against your shoulder before sucking on your earlobe. You gasped deeply, your body tensing as you gripped the bed sheets underneath you. Your heart pounded heavily in your chest as Jey slowed down his pace slightly and stared down at you while his hand fingered you slowly, your walls clenching tight around his finger making you shake from pleasure. Your breathing was heavy and uneven, as you were lost in ecstasy.
"All that shit Roman told you, get that outcha head. You know damn well he was wrong." Jey whispered in your ear as your moans turned into loud gasps. "You hear me? Get that shit outtcha head, cause you deserve nothing less than all the happiness the world has to offer." Jey kissed the hop of your head sweetly, in contrast to his thumb was rubbing your clit as he spoke and his fingers worked furiously against your opening, his thumb circling you slowly and teasing you, making you bite on your own lip and arch your back, moaning loudly in the process.
"Say you deserve that shit!"
"I deserve it!" You finally said out loud with a moan, your voice sounding hoarse from crying and panting through your cries. Jey grinned triumphantly and moved his thumb to brush your nub gently, making you moan again, this time louder. A sudden wave of heat washed over you, and you could practically feel yourself building up again.
"Good girl." He said happily before trailing kisses up your jawline to your ear and then whispering in your ear seductively. "We ain't gon' hurt you like him baby, we're gonna show you just how much we love you."
The warmth spread from your toes up to your groin, making you arch your back off the bed as he pistoled your pussy and sped up with the force of his hand thrusts. As he went faster, you squeezed your eyes shut and cried out. You were close, so so close, but you didn't even have to tell Jey or Sami. They already knew. They always knew.
'Let go for us, baby. We're here for ya. Let it all go.' Jey purred into your ear in a gentle tone while stroking your clit, watching you on the brink of an orgasm. Sami's free hand cupped your other breast, stroking your nipple lightly, as he sucked on your other breast as well.
"We're not gonna leave you, baby. We got you." Sami's soft voice cooed in your ears softly while his lips sucked on your breasts harshly as if he couldn't get enough of the salty taste.
Your moans grew louder and louder, and you felt Jey's hand gripping yours tightly enough to leave bruises.
'Come on baby, come for us.' Jey commanded and suddenly you couldn't hold back any longer. You didn't know what set you off; the way they were guiding you, their soft voices and even softer touches, but all you know is that you let go and let out the loudest scream you've ever screamed, your muscles tensing in agony and pleasure all at the same time as you came undone.
White spots danced in your vision as your mind went blank. The only thing you could focus on was the intense feeling coursing throughout your body. The feeling of being with two men who loved you and wanted you. Who cherished you. The feeling of being worshipped and desired. The feeling of someone wanting you more than they've ever wanted anyone else.
Sami's hand on your face and Jey shaking your shoulder brought you back to reality, your eyes blown out with pleasure and dazed, blinking repeatedly to clear the hazy haze in your vision. You opened your eyes to see Jey and Sami stared down at you lovingly, their faces flushed and their eyes glowing.
"We wore you out, babygirl?"Jey asked softly, smiling down at you while tracing random patterns on your naked thighs, his thumb gliding along the crease where your thighs meet. Sami hummed in agreement as he followed suit and softly traced the same patterns on your leg.
You scoffed at the thought, smirking up at them. "No chance in hell you guys are wearing me out." They mirrored your smirk and chuckled lowly, and your smirk turned into a gulp at the look in their eye when they slowly moved their bodies closer to you.
"Oh really?" Jey asked, licking his lips slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. "You wanna bet on that?" Sami added, his hand sliding over yours, his fingers curling around your own until you intertwined your fingers with his, both of you staring at each other intently. Their eyes locked together as they waited for your answer silently.
"Yeah. You wanna bet?" you breathed, your stomach fluttering wildly as you saw the hunger in their eyes.
"Well I can't exactly make the lady pay me back right?" Sami murmured, moving his head lower till his lips were brushing the edge of your collarbone, his breath tickling the skin. He began to trail kisses along the curve of your breast. "Like we said, we're here to take care of you…" Sami mumbled as his fingers trailed down the edge of your shirt to stroke your bare stomach.
"Take care of her." Jey whispered quietly, caressing your thigh with his hand, his gaze fixed intently on your face, his eyes darkening at the sight. Sami stopped moving his lips and instead brushed his tongue against the corner of your navel before kissing it, and licking it again as his fingers stroked your inner thigh slowly, his fingers gliding over your folds and rubbing gently in circles.
You squirmed under their hands, your breath catching in your throat. You tried to speak but no words would come out of your mouth. All you managed to do was shake your head from side to side as you closed your eyes and clenched your jaw tightly, trying to stop yourself from whining from all the pleasure rushing through your body.
"You ready for some love now, babe?" Jey whispered huskily, Sami's fingers slipping out of you with a whine that turned into a yelp when he pulled you up and laid you down on your back.
You gasped loudly as they climbed onto you, sitting on the bed as Jey leaned forward and rested his forehead on top of yours, gazing into your eyes with lusty brown hues. He reached up and cupped your face softly with one hand, pulling himself up so that he could lean over and kiss you softly, his tongue dancing inside your mouth in harmony with yours, it has been so long but it felt so familiar and it felt right and you missed it so much.
Sami started moving his hips in sync with yours, rubbing against you while Jey continued to kiss you and touch you as if he needed to commit every part of your beautiful body to memory. And oh god did he do just that, making your body feel loved yet also made you ache in the best way possible.
You were preoccupied with the dizzying taste of Jey's addicting mouth on yours, but you felt Sami let you go and shuffle around the room, before returning, feeling his weight shift the bed as you and Jey were kissing each other like your life depended on it, melting into each others touch and kisses.
"God, you taste good." Sami groaned, licking the side of your neck, causing you to break away from Jey's mouth to look up at Sami. His cute little dimples showing as he smirked down at you and gave you a quick peck on the lips.
You rolled your eyes fondly and bit back a smile at his cuteness. This man did not know what he did to you, how he made your heart beat for him even when you tried to fight it back. How every time he touched you, you could feel your knees giving way under you, because the feeling of your body being consumed by him was too strong, too intoxicating to resist.
How he made you was the first person in a long time to make you feel at peace with his infectious presence; his sweet smiles, soft giggles, playful jabs and jokes. How his eyes shined deep like the stars you used to dream of looking at, sparkling and warm with emotion. How everything he does makes you fall in love with him a tiny bit more.
Jey grabbed Samis hair and pulled him closer, his lips fiery hot as his lips devoured Samis', their tongues colliding fiercely and passionately, making your pussy heat up at the sight- especially when Sami let out a guttural moan and kissed Jey back just as hungrily, his hand cradling Jey's chin and forcing Jey to open his mouth wide to swallow more of his lover's lips.
You couldn't help but bite your lip at seeing the heated passion in their eyes, their tongues tangled, biting and kissing deeply, making you wetter and hotter, your legs trembling, and your clit throbbing, the intensity and want building.
Both men groaned into each other mouths at the feel of their dicks being palmed, and Sami bit down on Jey's bottom lip hard, licking it to soothe the bite before breaking away from Jey's lips and leaning back, panting heavily and holding Jey's cheeks in his palms, looking down at your grinning form , his brown eyes blazing in desire and need as they searched yours, drinking up every detail of your face greedily.
"Baby, as much as we appreciate that, this is about taking care of our girl." Sami said hoarsely, his breathing ragged as he watched you pout, your eyes pleading with him to just let you please them. "I'm not a doll that'll break any second, I don't need to be taken care o-
You yelped when you were pushed back, the air leaving your body when Jey's lips crashed harshly against yours, his teeth scraping your bottom lip roughly, your mind immediately filled with nothing but the taste of Jey and his minty breath as he devoured you like he was starving for you, and you for him.
Jey's large calloused hands held tightly on your waist, his fingers digging painfully into you as he ground against you, your breasts bouncing wildly on his chest. Your moans echoed throughout the room as you clutched at Jey's shoulders, your nails grazing the skin there.
When he finally pulled away, his honey brown eyes were glistening with passion as he looked you over, running his tongue across his full bottom lip slowly. Fire was all you saw in his eyes, the fire you've craved every since you first met, the fire you've been craving the past couple months ever since he left the Bloodline and you iced him out. You wanted more, wanted to see those eyes turn black as sin as you begged him to fuck you, wanted to see the flames dance in them and unleash from his soul.
And as he licked his lips and you stared into those dark pools of fire, you knew you were gonna get what you wanted.
"You so fucking stubborn, you know that?" Jey growled and gripped your hips firmly as he pressed a few kisses to the corner of your lips, your cheek, your temple, and stopping at your neck, clashing his teeth lightly over your pulse point.
"You.Are.Our. Girl." he growled in between the kiss as his grip tightened on your hips. You arched your back slightly as he took advantage of your sudden change in position, his cock slightly brushing against your entrance making you shudder as he sucked in a sharp breath against your neck and kissed his way back up, his rough beard scratching the sensitive spot where your neck and shoulder meet.
"And that means you let us take care of you, okay baby?" He said softly into your ear before nipping your earlobe playfully, his hands traveling underneath you to push you up slightly. You were so deep into his words and seduction you didn't realize Sami was behind you until you felt his breath on your neck and his hands on your waist, the feel of his bulging cock on your ass bringing a moan from your lips as your whole body tingled with anticipation.
"Whatever shit he who must not be named put into your head-" You giggled at Sami's way of mentioning Roman, and his eyes lit up at the sound.
"-You are amazing, you deserve to be loved and cared for, by someone who loves you, someone who will treat you right. And I can't promise that we'll be perfect, I can't promise we can give you the same influence that Roman has given you. but…we can promise you we'll take care of you and love you better than he ever will, like you deserve, because you are so fucking precious, I don't think you even know how amazing you truly are…."
The tears stung your eyes as his warm words and gentle loving voice penetrated through your thick layer of emotional pain.
Power.
It had been the one thing that'd been consuming you for the past 3 years, the main thing that you thought would make you happy- the thing that brought out the dark and twisted sides of you that you didnt bother hiding in the first place, but came out even more because anyone standing in the Bloodline's way would get crushed in an instant, just like you did. And Jey was the only one to break through your armour and shatter it like glass. Then Sami broke it into pieces and shattered them completely, and then healed them again, and again, and again. Every piece Roman destroyed, he repaired, and every piece you fell apart, Jey fixed alongside with him.
And right now, looking into his pretty face, looking into his big brown eyes shining bright with love for you, and Jey with his handsome face smiling and eyes full of adoration as he looked at you, you didn't want to just feel fixed. You wanted to become whole again; to be complete.
You wanted to feel complete. You wanted to feel loved despite the darkness within you, because they brought out the light inside of you that you've buried so deep inside your bones that you forgot the feeling existed. But they brought it back.
And it was the most beautiful feeling in the world.
You let out a watery chuckle as a sadly beautiful smile appeared on your lips as tears pooled in your eyes. "I think loving me comes with its own set of challenges, and I have so many of them…" You chuckled dryly as you cupped Sami's cheeks, your eyes burning and your emotions bubbling beneath you. "I don't want to hurt you. I'm just like him. And I want you guys to realize that now instead of later when you get hurt by me."
Sami exchanged a look with Jey before he lifted your chin, his hands cupping your jaw lovingly while he stared at you so intensely that you almost thought your skin would melt off your body just by his gaze alone. "You are no monster," He said softly, his touch on your skin even softer. "You're our angel. And the only thing that would make us leave you is if you left us right now."
You closed your eyes at the statement, your eyelashes fluttering lightly against your cheeks as you let out a small giggle, which turned into a sob as the last remaining remnants of anger melted away from your heart as your eyes flashed open to reveal the tears spilling freely on your cheeks.
"I-I'm so sorry, Oh my god, I didn't mean to make you sad and cry-" Sami panicked , his hands moving from your jaw, wiping his thumbs over your cheeks tenderly, his thumb gently tracing over a tear track. "I'm sorry!" He repeated in a whisper as his thumbs brushed across your cheeks again, his thumb still moving gently around your cheek.
"Sami, sami, chill out, those are happy tears!" Jeys stopped Sami from panicking, placing a hand on Samis' chest and keeping a firm hold on him, preventing him from continuing his ministrations and making him stop and look back at you and see the sad smile on your face and the glint in your beautiful eyes. You couldn't help the smile you gave Sami as you wiped the last traces of tears away from your eyes and smiled sweetly as you placed a soft, chaste peck on his lips.
"You're fine, baby. Jey's right, I'm fine." You smiled, your tone reassuring as you squeezed Samis' shirt and leaned into Jey who was currently hovering over you protectively. Jey knew you too well. "I just...never had someone say that to me before, y'know? Say all this sweet stuff and really mean it." You murmured and Jey sighed quietly, his lips forming a tight line as he gazed at you with the most gentle yet heated expression in his eyes, causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach as he ran his thumb over your lips.
"You deserve to be treated right." His husky voice sent shivers down your spine and made your knees go weak. He moved closer to you, your faces inches apart as his hands caressed your thighs as the heat emanating from his touch sent shivers down your spine.
You swallowed nervously, watching Jey move even closer to you, his face mere centimeters from yours, his eyes burning into your soul, burning holes right through your body. He stared at you like he knew exactly what you were thinking -he was always able to tell what you were feeling -as the tips of his fingers traced your hipbones, your thighs, your chest, your collarbone…his fingers trailing down your arm as if he couldn't bare not touching you anymore and just wanted nothing more than to pull you closer, to touch every inch of your body, to devour every inch of your soul, to show you how much you meant to him.
"And I'ma make sure you know it." He whispered into your soul before capturing your lips in a passionate kiss, one that left you melting into him, your arms encircling his neck tightly, pulling him impossibly closer to you, his warm hands holding your cheeks as he deepened the kiss. He slowly backed you against the bed, kissing you passionately while his lips continued their torture against yours.
"Lean against Sami, baby. We gon' be laying down awhile." He whispered hotly against your lips, and you could feel Sami's hands on your thighs as he held you steady so that you wouldn't fall as his body was pressing up against yours, your back arching and your breasts jiggling with each movement as he pressed you against him.
You listened and turned around and was met with a kiss from Jey, his tongue hot and probing against yours. You moaned into his mouth as he took control of the kiss, and he was doing so perfectly. Teeth clashed against each other, tongues flicking one each others mouths, the heat pooling in between your legs at the feel of his cold chain on your warm skin contrasting the warmth radiating off Jey's skin where his body was pressed against yours.
Every breath you stole from each other was like a re-introduction to each other written in fire, burned and blistered by your lips. Every kiss was an apology to each other in the form of tongue and teeth, as every time one of you breathed out another sigh, the other groaned in pleasure. Every pounding of your hearts and gentle touches to your skins was like new love letters that you wrote while you missed each other that you were going to keep reading every night.
And every time you felt something else brush against you as you lay there in Jey and Sami's embrace, everything in your head went silent, as if there wasn't anything to distract your mind. You knew they were safe. They protected you. No matter how many times you told yourself they didn't, deep down you knew you were lying to yourself.
And you weren't gonna let you lie to yourself any longer.
"You ready, baby?" Jey whispered against your lips after kissing the tip of your nose before pressing his forehead against yours, his hand finding your waist, gently pulling you closer to him.
"Yes." You replied honestly, your eyes sparkling with realization and hope. "With you both, I'm always ready."
Jey's lips turned up into a sweet smile that matched the stars that seemed to be in his eye's that made your heart swell, and Sami's grip on you hips softened even more as he smiled too. Your lips connected once again, this time with more passion and emotion. You wanted to memorize how this moment felt for eternity. And you hoped forever would come sooner rather than later.
Once you pulled away panting, Sami kissed alongside your neck before slipping something to Jey, and when Jey caught it with ease you realized it was a condom.
You groaned internally when Jey brought it to his mouth and ripped it open with his teeth, never breaking eye contact with you, the heat radiating off of Jey's eyes as he stared intensely at you, licking his lips, making you shiver in anticipation. You heard ripping coming from behind you and knew that Sami was doing the same thing.
"Are you trying to kill me?" You faux glared at Jey as your heart hammered violently against your ribcage.
"Not yet, sweetheart." Jey smirked as he slipped the latex on and started kissing along your jaw, Sami kissing along your collarbone and shoulder until Jey reached the end of your neck, leaving you gasping as Sami sucked your pulse point gently, sending shocks through your entire being as his kisses trailed down your side and stopped at your hipbones before sliding down again, pausing briefly to suckle on the flesh.
Sami removed his lips from your hipbones and pressed a soft kiss against your exposed shoulder, your skin tingling as it warmed instantly from his presence. You inhaled sharply when you felt Sami's cock nudge against your ass as his hand slid down your thigh, gripping onto your ass, squeezing hard, causing you to let out an involuntary gasp as a mixture of pain and pleasure rushed through your whole body.
"I swear to god if you don't move in the next five seconds you're gonna die-" You were the one cutting yourself off with a moan when Jey slid his cock into you without warning, stretching you out inch by inch with no mercy, his eyes burning into your soul as your mind shut down, only conscious of his thrusts, his tongue lapping at your throat.
Only able to feel the coldness of his chain on your skin, only able to hear the uncontrollable moans you were letting out as Sami continued sucking and nibbling at your earlobe as Jey slid deeper and deeper inside of you, and it felt like your insides were being devoured alive.
You could barely think or get a word out, let alone breathe properly because everything felt unreal, everything felt so real, so surreal. It felt like you were floating in space, floating in clouds of clouds that looked so fluffy but felt so heavy as you tried to hold yourself together.
Then Sami pushed you a bit farther back and pushed his cock into your core, and you lost it.
"Fuck! I can't -oh my God!" You were moaning and squirming uncontrollably, the feel of him filling you up alongside Jey and every thrust he made was like heaven itself was entering your body, and the angels were singing praises as your toes curled. And when Jey thrusted in time with the music, a beautiful melody filled your ears as if the angels had joined in on the heavenly choir of praise, the sounds of your moans mixing beautifully with the sounds of their grunts and Jey's harsh breathing.
Jey chuckled against your skin at your blissed out state, making you shudder and shake. "Oh yeah, baby. Feel good now?" His hot breath tickled your ear, his fingers digging into your flesh while his lips continued kissing you senselessly, his lips caressing your skin and his cock moving in rhythm with each thrusts of Sami's.
You nodded, but any words you wanted to say were wiped away and your head fell back on Sami's shoulder in bliss when he hit a particular spot inside you, making any and all doubts in your head go away.
"So beautiful," Sami growled against your neck, your jaw going slack at his sexy tone and even sexier words. "Being such a good girl for us, trusting us to take care of you and look after you right?" He pulled out just slightly before sliding back in smoothly, your eyes closing and body shaking as you moaned loudly, "Let us do those things for you, baby." He pleaded against your skin, and his tone made you weak in the knees. Another timed thrust and you became even weaker.
"That feel good, right baby?" Jey cupped your jaw and forced you to look directly at him. His handsome face was contorted in pure ecstasy and glistening beads of sweat appeared on his forehead, but the look in his eye was intense, fiery, lustful, as if all the galaxies were in his irises and you were just the fuel that was burning them to life.
"Yes…baby" You gasped softly and gripped his shoulders, your nails digging into his back.
Jey smiled at your response, and your back arched instinctively as his lips found its way towards your neck, biting your collarbone gently, causing another wave of pleasure to surge through you.
"Shhh…." Sami mumbled against your skin as his hands traveled to your breasts, pinching lightly at your nipple, making you squirm and moan in arousal. "Relax. Relax." He urged you, making you relax your muscles as he kept massaging your breasts in time to the pace of his thrusts and Jey's thrusts.
How could he think you could relax when your nerves felt like they'd been electrocuted? You couldn't stop your hips bucking up underneath Sami who held them still, but you could feel how close you were becoming to losing control, to falling apart completely. The only thing you could do was bite your bottom lip to keep yourself from crying out from sheer pleasure.
"Don't hold back, baby." Jey encouraged gently, giving you little chaste pecks against your neck as his hips pounded against yours faster, almost frantic as you moaned loudly, unable to control your voice anymore, and your cries drowned in the sound of Sami's deep, raspy breathing against your neck.
You wanted to feel like this forever. Live in this moment forever. With Jey. With Sami. In the arms of the two men whose love was so unconditional and strong that you would probably die from the pure bliss it produced within you.
Even though you wanted nothing more than to stay in that exact moment forever, you could feel the heat building up in your belly, spreading throughout your body and your thighs were starting to tremble under the pressure of their thrusts, the warmth inside of your legs spreading further down your legs, which made you arch your back with an audible moan.
"Please..faster." You whimpered out between pants and whimpers as you made both men grunt at you clenching around them so tight it almost hurt.
Both men grunted harshly, pushing deeper as they slammed themselves into you relentlessly, their moans louder and their thrusts harder, and it was the best high you've ever felt. You couldn't believe that you were already getting addicted to it, addicted to the sensations coursing through your veins, the overwhelming feelings of complete ecstasy and euphoria flowing through your veins.
Sami's hand slid down to your pussy squeezed your clit roughly, rubbing it as their thrusts increased, hitting you harder and harder, until you were shaking and gasping and crying out and panting, trying but unable to hold back, unable to hold yourself back.
Jey noticed and leaned over to whisper something in your ear, "Go ahead." He spoke softly, as if he wasn't making your whole body shake underneath him. "Take all you need." He added. He puncuated that with a hard thrust inside you, causing you to cry out loudly and make your eyes roll to the back of your head.
"Move her." Sami ordered softly, his thrusts and hand rubbing at your clit making all thoughts leave your body. Jey complied and understood what Sami meant instantly, grabbing your legs and putting them on his shoulders, and you squealed as he pounded his cock even deeper with the new angle he took.
"Jey! Fu-" You cried out in surprise as Jey moved your legs in a different direction, his thrusts stronger, deeper and faster, his strokes rougher and deeper than before.
"I know, baby." Jey hummed, pulling his dick out and slamming it back in, making you arch up once again, making you gasp for air. "Good girl. Keep going. Give it all you got, baby. You can take it." He praised, and you were close, so so close, teetering on the edge of heaven and earth and beyond, and you weren't sure where you belonged, but you hoped wherever you ended up wasn't without Jey and Sami.
"I-I'm close…. You panted, feeling Sami's hand grip your hip and guide you closer, Jey's hand gripping your ankle. At your words both men's hips jerked forward simultaneously, causing you to scream and cry out again even louder and scream their names.
"Let go for me baby…Let go.." Jey begged, his thrusts hitting you harder, faster, and harder, and you could feel it all bubbling inside of you, waiting to come to the surface.
Sami pounded himself softer and slower and then faster, and you could feel your body trembling as you were about to fall off the precipice. You felt like the waves were crashing against you, drowning you, taking you away to another world, somewhere unknown but safe, and you wanted to be swept up in it's shores.
"Sami.. Jey.." You moaned as the waves crashed against you, the waves swallowing you whole. "I'm gonna.. I'm gonna…."
"Come for us baby… Come now." Sami ordered, his thumb stroking the wetness inside of your pussy slowly while he and Jey thrusted in unison and your entire body shuddered at the sensation.
"Look at me, sweetheart." Jey's gruff voice broke through the haze clouding your mind and the wave that was threatening to swallow you vanished.
You opened your eyes, and met Jey's golden ones. They stared back into your soul, their lust and desire and possessiveness and affection shining brightly in his eyes. They were dark brown with hints of gold in them, and you could literally see every thought and emotion hidden behind them and it scared you how much he loved you.
"Let go for me, baby. I love you, we love you. Do it for me." He purred and your heart clenched at his words, and you didn't know what it was about them, but they made your knees give in and your body finally succumb to the waves that were trying to sweep you away and drown you.
Heaven and hell had disappeared for you for a while; there was only darkness and fire and Jey's piercing gaze and and Samis' fierce touches that burned you alive as you rode out those waves, and Sami's warm hand on your face bringing you back to reality after they rode out their own waves as well.
"Are you okay, babe? You did so well for us.” Your eyes fluttered open at Sami's hand on your cheek tenderly, looking straight into his eyes lovingly. Jey was right beside you and his chest was heaving as he caught his breath. He kissed your forehead tenderly.
You gave them both a bright smile that melted their hearts as they gazed back at you lovingly, their expressions softening as their eyes filled with adoration.
"That... was the best sex I had in my entire life...." You admitted truthfully and they chuckled.
"I think that was the sweetest thing you've ever said to us after everything that happened." Sami teased as he brushed a curl of hair that had fallen across your face.
"Shut up, it was not." You giggled, swatting his hand away playfully.
"So you telling us to fuck off and leave you alone doesn't count?" Jey sarcastically challenged as he grinned smugly back at you, sitting up on the headboard right next to you, resting his arm around you.
“Okay, could you blame me when I thought you guys hated me after I basically iced you two out after all the shit that happened? I mean, I understand it. Honestly, I do.." You sighed heavily, turning slightly away from him.
"Hey." Jey pulled your chin round so you faced him again, and cupped your cheeks gently in his hands, forcing you to look at him. "Don't put all the blame on yourself. It wasn't just you either. I fucked up by letting you go when I should have never let you go in the first place, expecting you to forgive me and move on like nothin' ever happened."
His thumb grazed your bottom lip gently as he looked deeply into your eyes that were filled with a mixture of guilt and regret, making his stomach flip at the sight. "It's the same thing I did with Sami when I tried to push him aside. It's all my fault."
"Hey, hey hey, it's no ones fault okay?" Sami interrupted your guilt ridden self pity party, moving in between you and Jey and wrapping his arms around you both tightly, leaning back against the headboard. "We are all human, and that means mistakes. But that doesn't mean we can't move on ." His tone turned serious, his eyes holding a firm glint in them. "The past is done. All that matters now is the future and right now, I want our future to include each other."
Sami turned to you and looked deep into your eyes, his words leaving you in awe of his honesty, at how sweet his smile was, how gentle his touch always was, and how raw his voice was. "I want you with me for as long as you will let me. I want to be the one you go to when you're lonely or when you're hurt, I want you to come to me when you feel like you're going crazy, I want you to trust me enough to not shut me out when something is bothering you, and I want to wake up to you and Jey in my bed every morning because that would be heaven." Sami's grip tightened on you and Jey as he continued speaking, and a lump in your throat formed at hearing his words, and you didn't have to look at Jey to know he was teary eyed as well.
"Sami…" You whispered softly.
"Let me finish please." Sami smiled softly, his thumbs caressing your cheeks and wiping away some stray tears which were falling down your face silently. "My point being: I love you, I want to spend the rest of eternity with you, and I need you in my life more than anything. And I'll gladly spend however long you want me to, if I can." Sami's eyes twinkled with such sincerity and care, so much care and passion, that it made your heart melt all over again.
Your heart was stuck in your throat as he finished his speech, feeling the tears stinging your eyes again but you blinked them away and held Sami's love striken gaze as best as you possibly could without bursting into loud sobs and throwing your arms around him. His honestly raw honesty made you fall in love all over again, and you didn't realize before how badly you needed that kind of honesty in your life, and you know you owed it to him to give him exactly that.
"Sami, I love you too you absolute fool." Your comment made both men laugh despite the emotions running through all three of you, and you wiped at your eyes, your vision blurring with tears of happiness and relief and joy. "And you're a dumbass if you think that I'm just gonna walk away from this, walk away from you both. You've made me feel like nothing else in the entire fucking universe ever has, and I'd be an idiot if I didn't let myself fall for someone who loves and adores me as much as you do."
You sniffled as your lips trembled uncontrollably, Jey's arm rubbing soothing circles on your shoulder making you turn to him as well. "I love you guys. I promise that."
Sami's eyes shone brighter, the emotions swirling within them making them shine brighter than any star ever had before, and you couldn't believe you were the one making the stars shine with pure love and light, as if they had been created solely for your sake. You were staring at them as if the moon was rising on the horizon and the clouds had suddenly parted, Sami smiled like the sun itself, and Jey's eyes were shimmering like diamonds as if you had just bestowed upon them the most beautiful jewels imaginable.
"God you don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that." Sami's voice cracked a little and in one second planted his lips firmly on yours, silencing you. The kiss was slow, loving, and sweet, everything you ever wanted and needed. When you eventually pulled away, Sami's hand rested on the side of your neck, caressing your skin tenderly. Jey cupped your jaw and tilted your face until you were looking directly into his eyes, his smile wide and full of warmth and love.
“I love you, and I'm never letting you go like I did once before, not now, not ever, and definetly not ever again. This time, I mean it, baby girl."
His words were like a warm blanket wrapped around you, calming you down and easing all of your worries, your stress, your fear, and your sorrow, and it left you with the biggest smile on your face ever since you saw it. The warmth emanating from Jey's eyes as he stared into you was almost intoxicating, but even more so when Jey leaned in closer and pressed his soft, warm lips to yours.
Unlike the kisses you shared with him earlier, this kiss was slow, gentle, passionate, and meaningful; it was a way for him to make up for lost time and remind you he would always be there for you, he would always be here. He said that with every movement of his lips against yours, and with every caress of his fingertips on your skin sending tingles throughout your whole body.
You pulled away from him breathless, and rested your foreheads together as you smiled lovingly at him and traced your finger down his perfect facial structure slowly and carefully.
"I hope you'd love me considering all that's happened tonight." You laughed lightly, your brown skin glowing softly in the low light of the room.
"Anddd you just ruined the moment." Jey complained, shaking his head jokingly. You smirked and leaned forward, pecking his nose affectionately.
"Oh poor baby, can't handle my charms." You teased, laughing when Jey pouted at you and shifted over to Sami's lap, pulling him into a tight embrace. "I'm going to someone who actually appreciates me and won't make fun of me."
"Then you went to the wrong person, cause teasing you is my favorite pastime." Jeys groan of annoyance made you laugh harder, causing Sami to chuckle as well while kissing Jey's hair.
You smiled at the sight, squishing yourself in between them and resting your head on Jey's chest and your legs on Sami's lap, snuggling into the warmth of their bodies.
"Guess this means I'm officially your girl now, huh?" You inhaled Jey's scent deeply, trying to wade off the slight nerves at your question. Jey noticed and stroked your skin comfortingly, smiling lovingly when you cuddled even closer to him. He missed this part of you, the moments when you felt safe and comfortable enough to show how vulnerable you really were and to relax completely, to just be yourself.
"Baby, just like Sami said, we ain't letting you go, even if I gotta handcuff you to my bed, but you prolly would like that." Jey answered, laughing at your indignant squeak and dodging your playful swats to his shoulder. He intertwined your fingers before you could swat him again and squeezed your hands gently, earning him a soft smile in return.
"But forreal, I can't handle not having you by my side again. I want us to start fresh and be happy, and I wanna call you my girl, our girl."
You smiled even wider at his words, knowing it wasn't a question but a fact. And it was a fact you wanted to be true, you wanted to have this forever, and you knew you couldn't let them slip by your fingers because of your fears or your doubts anymore.
So you turned slightly to face him, and cupped his face in your hands with your thumbs tracing the curve of his cheeks lovingly. "I'd want nothing more." You said sincerely, causing Sami to squeeze your hand in excitement and Jey to smile widely, his eyes lighting up with happiness. Sami leaned back in to place a soft kiss on your cheek and then your lips, the gesture so intimate and loving and sweet that it nearly broke your heart. Jey leaned forward and planted another chaste kiss on your lips after Sami gave you a peck and smiled brightly.
"Well I guess congratulations are in order." You giggled at Sami's remark and looked at Jey with a smug smirk on your face.
"You're right, Sami. And my first act as your girlfriend is going to the bathroom, and you both are very much welcome to join." With a wink, you got up before they could catch you and walked towards the bathroom, your butt swaying seductively as you strutted away.
Jey and Sami's eyes landed on your bare ass as it swayed seductively, making their hearts beat faster, their breaths shorten, and their mouths water for more. Their eyes followed your figure as it disappeared out of view, before turning to each other and exchanging knowing looks.
"First one to get to the bathroom get's to join me in the shower!" Your voice called out through the door teasingly, your giggles reaching their ears despite the distance between the two of you.
Jey and Sami looked at each other again, seemingly communicating silently with each other, before Jey smirked at him and pushed past him (albeit gently) to run to you , his steps echoing loudly in the room. "Man, move ya slow ass!"
Sami chuckled to himself as he watched Jey chase after you, feeling incredibly accomplished and proud that he had gotten everything he wanted. The man of his dreams, the woman of his dreams, and it couldn't be more perfect. And as he made his way to the bathroom, and the three of you participated in more rendezvous activities in the shower, he made his way to the bathroom, and the three of you participated in more rendezvous activities in the shower, he knew this utter perfection is what he wanted to live for. To fight for, to love, to cherish, and to give.
And he and Jey wouldn't let it go without a fight - not if you were willing, anyway.
Unbeknownst to the three of you, your phone was ringing incessantly, but it was on do not disturb. But maybe you'd regret that decision sooner or later.
incoming text message from roman🖤: You think I don't know what you're doing? I've known you for years,you really think I wouldn't know that u ran off to sami and jey after you made the biggest mistake of your life? You think I'm gonna let what you did slide?
incoming text message from roman🖤: Everything I'm about to do to the people you care for, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself if you don't rectify what you did.
incoming text message from roman 🖤: Don't say I didn't warn you.
#wwe x reader#nxt x reader#wwe fanfiction#wwe#wwe fic#wwe imagine#nxt#fanfic#wwe x black reader#wwe headcanons#wwe imagines#jey uso x black reader#jey uso fic#jey uso smut#samijey x reader#sami zayn x jey uso#sami zayn x fem reader#sami zayn x reader#sami zayn imagine#sami zayn fanfiction#jey uso x reader#jey uso imagine#jey uso fanfiction#jey uso imagines#wwe x fem reader#wwe x you#jey uso x fem reader#roman reigns fanfiction#roman reigns x black reader#wwe smut
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I know some of y'all are devastated about Buck and Tommy breaking up. Still, Tim, Oliver, and Lou have all been harping on it being "fresh and new" since they started talking about the season, which is why I have been holding off on throwing it all down for the ship because, yes, I DID want a place to talk about whatever was going on between them without getting bashed for it. It took me a WHILE to find that, and I don't plan to just leave those spaces because it ended.
Still, this relationship only existed for 13 episodes and was shown in less than half of those episodes. I didn't even understand why and how they were in a relationship until 8x05. I was prepared for that dinner to be their one- or two-month anniversary, not SIX, with the way Tim, Oliver, and Lou have played it in interviews, insisting they're still in the "honeymoon phase."
Six months is a long fucking time for a "honeymoon phase," which is why that reveal threw me so hard at the beginning of the episode. And for how long have we been saying Abby's ex was named Tommy since he showed up and kissed Buck? And then that's not even the reason they broke up. They had Josh give Buck a pep talk before they broke up. This episode was a shitshow, yes, but are you honestly really that surprised they had another Buck love interest do him dirty? And come to find out that Oliver wants Buck to get dirty?
I'm kind of pissed about how all of this went, yeah. Still, I can't imagine what it's like going through the character you've played for seven seasons being the goddamn scapegoat for the relationship-ending trauma nearly every single season, which makes the fans put your character on a pedestal and the one time you finally get to have your character screw up and cheat SINCE his life-changing relationship in season one, your character not only does not get to fall off the pedestal, it gets higher because he doesn't get a single bit of the blame from the fans. No, they're too busy trashing your character's love interests for what your character did to them, mainly because they're women.
Y'all can say, "Wow, that must be a breath of fresh air for Tracie to have Karen not be the unmoved, understanding wife and be petty for once," but say you're "betrayed" by Oliver wanting a piece of that same nuance for his character? I mean, unfollow and block him if you must, but fucking christ y'all, the man has to be tired of being the golden retriever. No wonder he fully leaped into this arc. Let him have some fun, and Buck get a little tarnished. He's made of solid gold. He's gonna still shine in the end.
No, I am not in any way condoning the biphobic implications of the shit Tommy said to him at the end. I can see why Lou didn't want it to end that way. It's an incredible disservice to the bisexual community, and I do take offense to that. But they can't erase that now. So fine. Let this new Buck break some hearts. There's nobody (except maybe Eddie) that can doom spiral like Buck can. He's going to be impulsive. and (for once) he's not looking for a relationship. And he even said in this episode, he kind of worshiped Tommy so as shitty as what Tommy said was, it's going to go to Buck's head and heart for sure.
The Daddy said "you're just gonna break my heart" to guy with Daddy Issues. Y'all keep calling Buck a brat. Maybe he is. And maybe we're about to see it on blast. That affection-starved man has never done anything half-measured in his life.
#evan buckley#tommy kinard#venting#this isn't even an anti post#i still like#tevan#bucktommy#whatever you want to call it#but i kind of do want to see that man break some hearts for a change#and if the show is just going to say fuck you tommy#and oliver wants buck to get dirty#let's go#let's wrestle in the damn mud pit#listing out bisexual characters the other night made me realize#i'm fucking sick to death of bisexual characters bearing the morality cross for these shows on their shoulders#like they can't fucking be a mess for the sake of being a mess#they have to have underlying good reason#because they're only a valid disaster if they had good intentions when they were fucking up#buck just got shattered for the eleventieth time#i would kill for him to have a different reaction for once#even if it's a “bad” one#911#911 spoilers#out of credits
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So here's a thing I wish I could put on my main blog, or post on my Facebook, but I think all it would do is make me feel even more miserable and alone.
So, I consider myself Jewish and always have. That's my cultural and ethnic heritage on my dad's side of the family, the only family I grew up with. Yes, patrilineal, but I'm still Jewish. My dad's grandparents fled pogroms in Ukraine and came to the US as deeply traumatized people seeking survival. You can see the repercussions of that recent history in the generations that followed them. For the past few years, I've been actively working to find my place in that history and that heritage, because it's a part of who I am and who I will always be, and I want to be able to be part of it in return. That's my personal context.
When a terrorist group murdered and kidnapped a bunch of civilians last October, I was horrified. When a far-right extremist government retaliated by slaughtering an unthinkable number of civilians, I was horrified. I contacted my own politicians, I donated what money I could spare, I wept at the nightmare that was playing out.
I continue to be horrified as the inhumanity continues, at the sheer scale of tragedy and terror. I wish I had any power to stop it, and I do the small things I can to try to help alleviate suffering.
But you know what else has horrified me? The way my so-called allies, the leftists, the social justice warriors, have responded. I'm lucky that I could grow up without hate being thrown my direction (perhaps because people where I grew up did not know I was Jewish despite my very Jewish last name), but I am aware of what Jew-hate looks like. And I have been seeing people I thought I could trust now wallowing in variations of centuries-old hatred without questioning it, believing outright lies that can be easily disproven with even the most superficial fact-checking, listening to people who wish to do harm, and reducing a complex situation to the stark black-and-white, good-versus-evil conflict from a bad young adult novel.
I'm still going to hope for peace. I'm still trying to contribute what I can to help victims of violence and war.
But, speaking frankly, I don't trust a lot of people anymore and I probably never will. There is no place for me in leftist social justice communities.
I don't know why people have hated Jews for so long, except that I suppose it feels good to have someone else to blame your problems on. But people really truly do hate Jews, and they really truly have for a very long time with unthinkably tragic consequences, and there are modern groups who are absolutely thrilled to be able to bring newcomers into their circles of Jew-hate in the guise of fighting for justice.
And so many of the people I thought were my friends are following them into it without a second thought.
I am disappointed. I am betrayed. I am hopeless.
And I guess I'm pretty damn alone, because I am sure as hell not going to align myself with people whose values are in opposition to my own just because the leftists are also showing their hate.
It breaks my heart.
I'm posting this on my secret sideblog because, I don't know, I've been reading Jumblr for months now and it often helps me feel less alone and I suppose I am reaching out a hand asking if anyone else will be willing to take my hand and tell me I am not alone.
We are not a monolith, I know some of you feel differently from me in either direction, but I know at least some of you feel like I do and even those of you who don't fully align with me will still not smear me with hatred.
Tomorrow I am going to my first ever Rosh Hashanah service and I have been doing my best to prepare and I want to be proud, I want to be joyful, I want to embrace hope for a brighter new year and I want to shout to the rooftops that my people are beautiful and our traditions are beautiful and isn't it wonderful that I am able to step back where I belong among them, but instead I want to weep.
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thanks to @t3acupz's encouragement (and our overall conversations), I'm sharing my own thoughts on when I think Will "falls in love" (in quotes because it's not really about the process of it, but recognising what his feelings are and accepting them) with Hannibal in the show.
I very much agree with Hugh Dancy when he says it'd take Will a long time (like his joking way of saying "7 seasons"). not because those feelings aren't there yet, but because he has issues recognising and accepting them.
in the second half of season 2, those romantic feelings were already starting to bloom, I don't doubt that. I just think that Will couldn't quite place, let alone accept, them. he said to Peter that he wishes he could know what to feel toward Hannibal like Peter did toward his abuser. because then it'd be easier to kill him. that's where his romantic feelings already made themselves known, but he couldn't even place them. I think that he was convinced that it was due to Hannibal having been his only friend that truly just saw him, only to be betrayed by said friend. that's what complicated it. but this feeling of having been seen and accepted for who he was lingered and he couldn't make himself hate Hannibal entirely.
and then the whole honeytrap plot happened and Will's romantic feelings manifested throughout. again, without his exact knowledge. to me, Will realised that he sees and accepts Hannibal (mostly) at that point as well, which is why he had a hard time deciding which part of the plan to follow through with (running away with or killing Hannibal). the blooming romantic feelings obviously pushed him into the direction that the s2 finale went, but none of that was completely conscious. Will wasn't fully "aware" of what he was doing when he was doing it and especially not why. I also agree with Hugh in that regard, when he was asked about his thoughts on the "you were supposed to leave" moment and how he approached it. he said he and Bryan had talked a lot about all of this beforehand, but then he just went and did it without really thinking more about it. and I think that's very much true for how it happened for Will anyway. he called Hannibal in a split decision, not even knowing what he was going to tell him until he heard his voice. and then he went to Hannibal's home, saw Alana, knew Jack was in there because she told him, and only then drew his gun, which he lowered once he came across Abigail and then Hannibal. he never once resisted Hannibal in any of this. he was prepared to fight and even die for him at that moment. but none of that was a conscious decision he made beforehand. all of that were decisions he made in the moment because they felt right and he didn't think about any of it. all of it was pure instinct, in a way. and yes, that instinct was fuelled by his growing feelings toward Hannibal; but Will was not fully aware of that fact, in my opinion.
and then in season 3a, he wants to find out where Hannibal came from, why he is the way he is, who he truly is, deep down, and fully understand him before meeting him again. and when he does, I believe he's still unsure of his own feelings. he probably thought that if he did all of that, he'd finally know what his own feelings toward Hannibal truly are, but found that he didn't. not really. he admitted to Chiyoh that he never knew himself better than when he's with Hannibal and I believe that 100%. but I also believe that there's always been that (arguably) small part that was still uncertain, that was clouded and that he just couldn't put a finger on. especially when he was alone. when he was with Hannibal, Will had him to focus on and with his empathy disorder, he could rely on that to guide him during the time he was with Hannibal. but not when he was alone and continued to be confused about himself and everything else. I imagine that he was overwhelmed by those feelings, because at the end of the day, they're incredibly complicated and shrouded by trauma - abuse and pain inflicted by Hannibal. and thus, it's not an easy thing to accept that he's developed a rich, deep love for Hannibal despite all of that. loving somebody who has put you through so much agony, but also made you feel most like yourself and like you actually matter and are perfect the way you are is nothing but confusing, after all.
after he tries to make a cut again and distance himself from Hannibal and therefore all those complicated feelings, he marries Molly out of necessity and "why not". he likes her, that's for sure. but he doesn't love her. and here, I also had the thought that maybe Will isn't even capable of such love yet. consciously and fully aware, deep, romantic love. I really don't think he's "capable" of it at that point in time.
I also completely agree with Hugh when he says that the season 3 finale was about Will. about his becoming, his acceptance of the violence and darkness, and loving that. but that didn't include Hannibal. not yet. like Hugh said, Will still has to discover and accept and come to terms with parts of himself. and his feelings for Hannibal are a huge part of exactly that. when he asked Bedelia "is Hannibal in love with me?" it can be interpreted several ways. my personal thoughts are that he's fully aware of Hannibal's feelings for him and he can feel them when they're together (and even when they're apart, like in season 3a) due to his empathy disorder. but as much and as easy as he can feel others' emotions and name them, he has a much harder time doing it for himself. he certainly had a realisation of, "ok, so. this is real. these feelings are real". but that doesn't include his own. not entirely. he knows they're there. there is something, at least. he can acknowledge that much. but he's so deep in denial and that bubble of "I'm unlovable and I don't want to love. especially the person that has caused me the most pain", sort of, that he can't see past that yet.
and so with his becoming complete and knowing that he can't actually live with himself because of it, but he also can't live with or without Hannibal, he decides to kill two birds with one stone, quite literally speaking. taking into account that they survived the fall, Will still has a long way to come to terms with those specific feelings toward Hannibal. feelings he can deny himself of even less now that he's given into his true self that Hannibal has always seen in him and so openly shown love and appreciation for. it's up to Will to do the same with Hannibal. and that is difficult. it's complicated, it's layered, it's a constant internal battle. and I don't doubt that it could take up to hypothetical seven seasons, or rather several years, until Will reaches that point where he can recognise and accept that he is, indeed, in love with Hannibal and has been this whole time.
#does any of this make sense? i'm not sure tbh#could this post be way shorter? definitely. but i wanted to explain why i think that with reasoning from canon content#i also cut quite a bit because this is already long enough as is hdjkhfjk but yee#those have always been my thoughts in regards to Will's feelings for Hannibal#and i actually love that Hugh seems to think the same way (jokingly or not. there is some truth in what he said)#i'm always hella anxious posting my own thoughts and opinions like that lol so thanks for the encouragement Adrey <3#hannibal meta#nbc hannibal#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannigram#hugh dancy
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I’m rereading OOTP right now and I find that scene between Severus and Sirius in the kitchen to be highly relevant in the context of Severus as a feminine-coded character (and Sirius as a representation of toxic masculinity). Sirius is very outwardly aggressive in this scene in a conventionally masculine way, while Severus weaponizes his sarcasm and wit in a way that could be thought of as a more “feminine” form of defence. While Harry describes Sirius’s voice as getting progressively louder and angrier, he describes Severus’s voice as “soft” in contrast (as he usually does, which is also interesting in the context of Severus as a feminine man/GNC character). Sirius gets up and tries to intimidate Severus physically, and Severus grips his wand inside his pocket in a way that reminded me of a victim of domestic violence preparing to defend herself against her abuser.
I’m not sure how much of this was intentional considering how rigid JKR’s views on gender have unfortunately turned out to be, but I can’t help but read Severus as a feminine character, especially since he’s meant to act as a stand in for Lily in the same way as Sirius acts as a stand in for James. It’s very easy to read Sev as gender non conforming and/or LGBTQ, although given JKR’s own views it’s doubtful she meant for us to read him that way (but fuck her, she’s a massive transphobe, the characters are ours now, we can do what we like with them).
Note to self, start checking your inbox regularly. These changes to Tumblr are killing me because the notifications when I get messages or asks are hit-or-miss at best.
Anyways, this is such a great observation! I'm only just learning about coding and that that is even the term for it from reading about it from other Snape bloggers like @idealistic-realism00, @raptured-night, and @professormcguire since I only took the required English courses both my undergraduate years and beyond that my major was in sociology.
So, I'm not really any kind of expert but I do have a lot of personal experience from being biracial and queer myself just with learning to read between the lines and find representation for myself where I can and I think that is the case for a lot of people from less represented, marginalized backgrounds. We have a certain instinct for these things so even without any kind of formal study we sort of know the "codes" (for better or worse depending on what the author's intent is and if it's a negative dog-whistle or something more positive to get around censorships of the time) if that makes any kind of sense.
For me, I always saw Sirius and Snape as two sides of a coin. There were some very obvious parallels and contrasts between them and this really goes to that in a lot of ways for me. Both Sirius and Snape are two men who made pivotal choices in their youths that very much define them and have led to a great deal of internalized guilt and impacted their behaviors as adults. Both Sirius and Snape find themselves confined to their childhood homes at different points, Sirius at Grimmauld Place with Kreacher and Snape at Spinner's End with Peter Pettigrew (both Kreacher and Peter are characters that also are known for betraying Harry and costing him someone he loves at different points and making a turn around in regards to Harry because of kindness or mercy he showed to them).
Where Sirius made the choice to make Peter the Secret Keeper with only James, Lily, and Peter knowing and it ultimately led to the death of the Potters and him being sentenced to twelve years in Azkaban, Snape also unwittingly delivered part of the fated prophecy that led to Voldemort targeting the Potters. Most interesting for me is that Snape's friendship with Lily and Sirius's friendship with James could be read as either platonic or a case of unrequited romantic feelings. There is the observation in SWM made by Harry that while Sirius was clearly a looker who attracted the attention of girls, his attention was fully on James and not on those admiring glances. So, when looking at Sirius's relationship with James through a comparative lens to Snape's with Lily they could be platonic friends or both Sirius and Snape could have had romantic feelings for their best friends while, ironically enough, Sirius had to watch James fall for and succeed in winning over Lily just as Snape had to do the same.
In the case of Snape and Sirius there is also a degree of regression and arrested development stemming from trauma (and both men at different points make the clear mistake of seeing Harry as a stand-in for James as a result of said trauma). Where Sirius spent twelve years in Azkaban able to hold onto his sanity against the Dementors in part because he knew he was innocent and the truth of what happened was a deeply unhappy thing for him, Snape spent decades in Dumbledore's service at Hogwarts (a place with its own unhappy associations for him having found it was not a refuge from life at Spinner's End with Tobias as he had hoped but another place where he would be bullied relentlessly, overlooked by his Head of House and housemates for being a poor half-blood with no status, subject to institutional failures resulting from yet more adult authority figures in his life not protecting him, groomed by Voldemort's followers and responsible for alienating his closest friend as a result) teaching children when clearly he does not have the temperament and, courtesy of his role as a spy, concealing his own truths and intentionally not allowing people to know the best of him. In a sense, both men had a negative public image that ran counter to the full truth about them and both of them died without being able to see those misconceptions vindicated (Sirius died still presumed by the Ministry and general public to have been the traitor who turned his friends over to Voldemort and murdered innocent people and Snape died knowing he had delivered information to Harry that would lead to his death and unsure of the outcome of the war with everyone thinking him a coward and murderer).
There's just, a LOT of parallels there between the two when you start to unpack them as characters. Even the fact that they both came from domestic dysfunction and unhappy home lives. It makes their mutual antagonism all the more of a tragedy because if not for Sirius's prejudice (which is arguably more understandable given his family and their long tradition of being sorted into Slytherin) against Slytherins and antagonism of young Snape on the train and the years of bullying and bad blood that followed, these two men had the most potential to understand each other. Alas, they do not, but it is their likenesses that makes their differences in how they clash all the more interesting because, as you noted, there are stark differences there. Sirius is all overt masculine energy; hot-headed and physically imposing while Snape is more strained, the ice to his fire.
Most striking to me was always the difference in how little respect Sirius showed to Snape's body while he was unconscious (further demonstrating how little Sirius has changed from the teenage boy who once stood with James and exposed Snape to laughing schoolmates) versus how Snape conjured a stretcher while still under the impression he was the one responsible for betraying the Potters (and the death of Lily). In that way, we get to see how Snape has developed as a person away from his past choices and learned from them. He may still regress, as he does quite plainly when forced to return to the Shrieking Shack and is confronted by Sirius and Remus there, but he isn't quite in the full state of arrested development as Sirius (but given his circumstances in Azkaban that isn't entirely surprising either; there is a tragedy to Sirius's character for all that there is as much of a darkness as there was in Snape during his time as a Death Eater and the fact so many Marauder apologists who double as "Snaters" refuse to acknowledge that outside of romanticizing the angst of it all while vilifying Snape is quite possibly an even greater tragedy, imo) which is why Sirius's death came in part due to his inability to move beyond his past and find it within himself to treat Kreacher with a modicum of understanding or empathy (in addition to his desire to be part of the action again and recapture his lost youth when it was him and James in the Order together) while Snape's death came only after he had to reconcile with the fact his original raison d'être for becoming a spy (to protect Harry for Lily as penance) ran counter to what was needed to defeat Voldemort for good and he still chose to stay the course instead of pursue his own agenda and act on his own self-interests.
In short, Sirius's death was partly due to the fact he couldn't move beyond the past. While Snape's death came as a result of the fact he had grown enough as a character to set aside his past motivations and see things through because he had become someone who conjured stretchers even for hated enemies and risked his life to save all those who he could save (including Sirius and Remus).
Thanks for the ask and I'm so sorry it took so long to respond but it gave me even more to think about. The masculine vs. feminine coding just adds an extra element to Snape and Sirius's dynamic when it was already interesting to me and I've always had a lot of thoughts about how those two were written with so many parallels and points of contrast. Love this ask!
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tiptoeing my way into your ask box: should merlin have revealed his magic in the sins of the father episode
THE WAY I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS ASK😭😭😭😭 mbbb but im here now!!! so hi:))
ok so this is the second ask youve sent me that ive literally never thought of once in my life so prepare youself for a brainDUMP
my answer is completely and irrevocably: yes. i can't imagine myself having another opinion on it, because i think you found the only episode in the entire series where a magic reveal would have been a natural and understandable choice, by both the writers and the characters (except for of course the last episode, but i have many feelings on the execution of the actual magic reveal, of which are for another ask lol).
but because im an unnecessary bitch, i'm going to answer this question twice with the same answer (why? because im a nuisance to everyone around me, thats why) by interpreting the question differently. the first interpretation? should merlin have revealed his magic in the sins of the father, as in should MERLIN have revealed his magic. was that the right decision for him to make in this episode? would that have ended in the best outcome? would that have improved the situation? just morally, was that the right choice to make?
i thought about it, and at first i was torn, because arthur was a wreck at this point. he felt angry, betrayed, devastated, and rightfully so. is this really the best time for his best friend of probably over a year, by this point, to admit to him that he was born with magic? and while this definitely would have been a tricky time to do it, i think this is the only episode in which arthur shows completely empathy and compassion towards magic. for once in this series, he doesn't blame magic for all the wrongs in the world, or even reservedly believe that magic may not be a thing to persecute for but can certainly never be trusted—he is fully open to magic and believes that every negative thing he ever knew of it, all stemming from his father, is completely wrong. obviously, this is because he took his hatred for magic and swapped it with his respect for his father due to the switched roles they had in his life (magic: the deceiver, the killer, the villian; uther: the protector, the victim, the hero; but yk, swapped in this episode) but that doesn't make his open mind to magic (IN THIS EPISODE!!) any less real.
so, ik that was a lot lol, but if merlin had told arthur about his magic at this point, i think itd be one of the only times when that revelation would cause arthur to feel angry and betrayed not really because of the magic, but because merlin hadn't told him. and i'm sorry, at any other point in the series, imo, that wouldn't be true. the deception itself may be the root of the hurt, but the magic would just be salt in the wound.
and!! not even to mention the fact that arthur was going to kill uther. instead of lying to him, merlin should have admitted that he has magic, told him not to kill him, explained whatever information he knew (yk, about nimueh or literally anything because he definitely knew more than arthur did, atp). would arthur have felt the betrayal twofold? of course, but i do think that this would have hit him hard enough to stop on his rampage to kill uther. it definitely would have been difficult to get him to STOP long enough to tell him lol, but i think merlin could have done it. all in all, it definitely would have been difficult to execute, but i think overall it would have been the right choice for all the right reasons.
now, onto the second interpretation of the question: should merlin have revealed his magic in the sins of the father, as in the WRITERS should have revealed his magic. and that answer is a resounding fucking YES!!!! im so so sorry, but merlin and arthur's relationship was ridiculous. i can (and will with the slightest prompting) go into an insane amount of depth and detail into why i hate their relationship development despite being obsessed with their dynamic (most of the time) and why i think as the MAIN DUO OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING SHOW deserved better, but i'll try to keep it short and sweet. in season one, their relationship was developed almost perfectly. sure, there definitely should have been more time from the first episode and onwards of actual contempt between them, but besides that i think the writers really did a very good job at building their relationship and dynamic.
then comes the giant fucking spiky, iron wrecking ball that is season two. immediately, all the trust and obvious affection and friendliness built in the first season just... disappears. i honestly think that a change in their dynamic was necessary! but with the current canon, there is absolutely no reason for it, and the changes that there were, quite frankly, sucked. they were completely unnecessary. but start off season two with them being all chummy and just genuinely good friends, and merlin starts to feel guilty for not telling arthur about his magic. (that's another thing about this goddamn show. i honestly can't think of a single time merlin expressed any actual guilt for lying to arthur about his magic for an entire fucking decade?? for the most part, all he expresses his fear at the possibility of arthur finding out, which makes me want to kick scream chew on someones eyelids and just generally maul someones face, but whatever ig. but this guilt could definitely result in some distance and loss of trust, and then it keeps building and building and building until... BANG! fucking magic reveal!!
its also perfect for the reason that, im sorry, i dont believe for a fucking second that season one arthur (MY arthur, thanks) would even LET merlin not tell him about his magic for TEN GODDAMN YEARS. he would sniff that shit out and wait patiently for merlin to spill before confronting him after like a month. because in season one, arthur definitely wasn't ready for a magic reveal. they weren't close enough, there wasn't enough trust, arthur hadn't grown enough yet, all the things. but season two? proved the perfect opportunity for all that to happen, and then on you can have ACTAUL GOOD CONFLICT instead of the entire conflict being "oh well merlins secret🥺" ........................SHUT THE FUCK UP
anyways, i think thats my whole opinion?? overall i just really think that the magic reveal should have happened longgg before the finale and this episode is the absolute perfect place for it to occur:)) thank you sm for the ask!! i had a lot of fun with this one if you couldn't tell lol. sorry for forgetting about it😭😭 so glad your back tho, and cant wait to have you lurking in my inbox again!!!
#merlin#the sins of the father#merthur#bbc merlin#bbcm#arthur pendragon#merlin bbc#bbc merthur#merlin analysis#merlin thoughts
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I think by the time of DK arc Seto already knew about Yugi’s other self. So the infamous castle top battle leaves me wondering: did he think Atem/Yami would be merciful enough to spare him or did he count on Yugi’s interference?
He was definitely not counting on Yuugi's interference. For most of the series, he barely registers Yuugi as someone whose opinions or actions he should care about. As far as he is concerned, Yuugi is whatever, and Yami is the Yuugi he cares about.
But he wasn't counting on Yami's mercy either - Yami hasn't shown him any mercy before this; why would he show any mercy now? He already knows Yami is willing to punish/hurt him if he loses a game (mind crush, penalty game) - although these two punishments aren't exclusively for losing the game, but rather punishments for everything that came before (stealing the card, betraying the heart of the cards, all of Death-T, etc.) They are not "if you lose, you die" in its most abstract, refined form. They are referendums on Kaiba's behavior/actions/villainy before the duel.
The castle duel is NOT the same kind of referendum on Kaiba's actions, and he IS asking Yami to make the same kind of judgment Gozaburo made: if I am not strong enough to win/save the person I love, do I deserve to die? And even though Yami doesn't want to punish/hurt him in this duel, and he doesn't really know that all of this is going through Kaiba's head, Kaiba does maneuver him into this position of being forced to decide whether he'd rather save him or save Grandpa. Yami chooses Grandpa--chooses against saving Kaiba--and I think Kaiba is fully prepared to accept that response as an answer to his existential question: "If I'm not strong enough to save Mokuba, I might as well be dead, and he agrees with me."
...which is all part of a very interesting pattern of Kaiba lobbing these philosophical fastballs at Atem (if I lose, do I deserve to die? does teamwork really mean anything? what happens when friends fight each other? won't you just scramble to save your OWN life? is friendship even REAL? are you really dead? was our bond real?), and Atem answering them, with various degrees of success, throughout the manga.
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My Surgeon Ghosted Me For Having A Panic Attack
My surgeon ghosted me, devastated me and my family, and I only found out through their legal representative 2 weeks before a surgery I've been begging and waiting for almost 20 years for.
I'm a 32-year-old trans person with PTSD and a very, very rare mental condition called DDNOS-1B. Since I was 13 years old, I've been fighting for a hysterectomy both for my gender identity, and to cure a horrendously painful and life-threatening condition called Menorrhagia that causes me extreme agony and to spontaneously hemorrhage when I menstruate. I've been hanging on to life by my fingernails, and my own surgeon just stomped on my hands.
Today, with just 2 weeks before my surgery date and my insurance approving of everything, I received a call from my OBGYN's legal representation accusing ME, the patient, of accusing my OBGYN of assaulting me when I had a panic attack during a routine pelvic examination so my insurance would cover most of the medical bills of my surgery.
While I was panicked, I partially dissociated and one of my male alter personalities - who I had already told my OBGYN about in appointments before the examination - experienced the examination with me. In addition to having been assaulted by a previous doctor during pelvic examination years before, I'm trans, and the alter personality that manifested is staunchly male and found the sensation of the examination alarming. While trying to calm down from a panic attack and gain control of myself again when the pelvic exam was over, I followed my therapist's guidance to verbalize my emotions when I felt my trauma manifesting again, and said, "That felt violating," to myself without really thinking. I was on Valium specifically for the examination due to the severity of my trauma, but still panicked enough that I babbled the words without thinking, and asked to please be allowed to go home if my OBGYN had gotten everything they needed from the appointment.
My OBGYN confirmed they'd gotten what they needed, said, "I only want to help you," while I nodded and could only stare at the floor and tremble while I gathered my things to leave. My ears were ringing. I was fighting tears and hyperventilation. It was a normal pelvic exam, but they just happen to be triggering for me because of my past trauma. When I'm that stressed, I become functionally mute and can't speak at all if I can't relax. It took me 3 days to fully relax after my OBGYN's examination, but in no way did I feel like they had behaved inappropriately or been too rough or forceful with me. It was just an experience and sensation I don't tolerate well without re-experiencing my past trauma. I wanted to go home, recover psychologically from an odious and frustrating panic disorder, and prepare for the surgery that, I hoped, would make my quality of life better than it's ever been.
I was not aware that I had to be responsible for my doctor's feelings when I was the patient in distress, and now feel that there is no way for me to receive the surgery I need unless I can magically do it without showing any fear or trepidation that could be misinterpreted by medical professionals and send them running to their lawyers for instructions.
Today, I received a phone call from my OBGYN's legal representative, just 2 weeks away from my surgery, announcing that my OBGYN had canceled the appointment and come running to them with fears that I would file a malpractice suit. I was forced to write a humiliating apology letter to my OBGYN's legal representation trying to set the record straight - that I hadn't accused my OBGYN of anything and thought they provided me with the best care they could, and it was my own reaction from pre-existing trauma that had been witnessed. Nevertheless, I could not have felt more betrayed, embarrassed, or shattered. I've needed a basic hysterectomy since I was 13 years old and have spent my entire reproductive life begging doctors and surgeons to please perform it, but have been refused every time because of my age, my gender, and/or the fact that I hadn't had any children myself and "would change my mind" as I got older.
I never changed my mind about having children. I don't want to, because I am trans, and my body needs work done on it before I can feel truly like I'm comfortable in my own skin. Now, I don't think that will ever happen.
I'm writing to different news outlets and here because it is absolutely unconscionable that a licensed medical doctor could tell me to my face that my dream since age 13 of being pain-free and living with a body that feels normal was going to be realized… only to send their legal representation 2 weeks before the date to tell me that, because I panicked and babbled the wrong thing TO MYSELF that the doctor found threatening to their job security, my dream was gone. It would've taken just one question, "Are you okay?" from my OBGYN to clear up the direction my babbled words were aimed in, but instead, they assumed I was accusing them of something horrendous, and terminated my care without bothering to tell me why, or that they were going to do it at all.
My family is absolutely devastated. I'm devastated to the point that I just feel numb. My mother has been inconsolable, as she's nearing 70, can't retire, and has been my only caregiver for most of my life because of the severity of my disabling pain caused by a part of my body that, as a trans person, every fiber of my being screams isn't supposed to exist. I feel deeply discriminated against, and like we now live in a state where, regardless of how distressed you are as a patient, you must perform to a certain standard to receive the attention and dedication of your own doctors. You're allowed to be traumatized and struggle with it, but only so long as your doctor feels completely exempt from what triggers you, and that you have to shut up and take any procedure you're required to endure for further care without showing any fear or pain.
Is this really the case? Are our doctors getting so scared of their own shadows that people like me can have their care terminated on the grounds of Not Being Brave Enough? I thought that I was safe to be trans and seek gender affirming AND medically necessary care without discrimination by medical professionals in Washington - my birthplace and the only place I've ever really called home - but now I feel like there's nowhere I can go to receive the care I need, and would be better served if I waited until I developed a terminal illness and used my right to Death With Dignity to end my life on my terms than bother to go to the doctor again for preventative care and regular checkups. What's the point? If I have one panic attack and say the wrong thing trying to comfort myself, I'll lose my doctor completely.
Why is it taking almost 20 years or more for a single doctor in Washington State to perform a hysterectomy on a desperately, desperately willing patient that also medically needs it? What is going on? Do all transgender Washingtonians deal with this level of discrimination and hand-wringing from their doctors? If I weren't trans, or didn't have DID, would I finally receive the care I need? Or is it really a matter of having to be the emotional support for your doctor in order for them to feel cushioned and safe enough to do an effective job in caring for you without them getting spooked and clutching their licenses like they're a breath away from being revoked?
Why am I, a disabled layperson on SSI that can barely even get out of bed most days, forced to be emotionally responsible for my doctor's sense of job security when I'm the one coming to them for help? It's been 20 years, and all I need is a hysterectomy! Not a single surgeon in 20 years will help me, my family has been destroyed by this, and I don't know what to do anymore but cry for help from the press and public to shed light on what is, at least in my experience, an increasingly broken, dysfunctional system that I fear is going to get me, and people like me, killed.
My state should be better than this. For how proudly my state's representatives boast about Washington being a shelter state for women and LGBTQIA+ people fleeing other states, why won't anybody help me? Have I been secretly blacklisted somehow from receiving the care I need? How is it that our doctors can just ghost us while accusing us of POTENTIALLY taking legal action against them? And why on god's green earth was I spoken to as though I was a criminal that had just been stopped from committing a crime and forced to apologize?
Just… what the hell? If this isn't worthy of a little attention from the journalists in my state, I don't know what is. I need help. I need surgery. But I can't even so much as show a little fear - much less talk myself through a panic attack - without my own doctor dropping me as their patient after promising me that the surgery I needed was going to happen. How can a patient even address this? Who do you call when you can't find a doctor because you're too traumatized to make your doctor feel secure in doing their job?
I want to live, my family is suffering, but I can't find a single surgeon that will help me. Is it this bad for everyone?
#transgender#gender affirming care#trans healthcare#gender identity#medical malpractice#medical neglect#actual did#did#did/osdd#actual osdd#discrimination#transphobia#ableism#washington state#washington
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I'm currently unmotivated to write anything long and especially after the devs did us so dirty for the PVE announcement so here are some headcanons, imagines- whatever you want to call this to comfort me from the fact we're not getting the PVE we were promised 4 years ago
Overwatch crews
Slumber party whenever a mission is accomplished. Don't matter if everyone's weary as hell, with Lena and Hana running around you are sure to get yourself a slumber party every month. If said mission isn't a success though, it's more of a chill hangout with the members of the team Hana, Satya and Angela will bring your ass to a shopping spree. Whether you like it or not so be prepared because with them, you're gonna spend the whole day out there. Honestly though, if you don't like it Lena, Fareeha and Brigitte are by the arcades or the sport terrain near the shopping alley. So whenever you feel like it, you can go there to play with them There’s another tradition going around, twice a month, a member of the team cooks for the rest of the crew. It started with Mei, Aleksandra and you talking about your culture’s food. Mei offered to cook for you two to taste Chinese cuisine which you gladly accepted. In return, you two would also cook your culture’s food. With time passing by, other members joined the tradition and now, Echo chooses who would cook for this month’s tasting food session It turned into a competition when Lena decided to vote for the best month’s food Mei, Ana and Brigitte for the moment are on the podium sharing the first place Lena and Hana have zero points. Lena almost burnt the kitchen once. Luckily, you were there to put out the fire She doesn’t have the patience to wait for things to cook For Hana, ever since she entered MEKA, she didn’t have the time to prepare food. The best she could do is boil water and put it on her noodles. Though, ever since she joined Overwatch, she has had a little bit more time so she takes lessons from Mei and Brigitte. Lena watches but never fully join because else, it’ll turn into a mess Every week, Vivian holds a shooting session training. The best shooter of the week gets a gift from her and is exempted from chores for the week Ana has been exempted from participating in this shooting session ever since she won five times in a row
Talon crews
Olivia doesn't stop her pranks, so either you decide to team up with her to prank the others or you go against her. If you prank her, she will at least remind you this once a week. "Amigo/amiga, how could you do this to your best friend in the world?" sighs dramatically while placing an arm on her forehead "Can you believe this? My best friend, betraying me..." Or "oh no, the betrayal. Who could have foreseen such an event?" Amelie is more often than not the victim of Olivia's pranks. It's gotten so bad one time Olivia and you couldn't set a foot near the base or she would snipe you from afar She's "kind" Enough to not use real bullets but let's say you had bruises for the following weeks Moira is a target you two don't prank because you've been under her wrath and let's just say, it's not pleasant at all Olivia does try to get all of you to enjoy some vacation time. She does separate Amelie and Moira, because she knows Amelie is showing more and more emotions and she doesn't want her to return to that cold emotionless assassin Talon turned her into. So for her sake, she keeps Moira away from her When Olivia, Amelie and yourself are out for a mission or a vacation, Amelie will make sure to make at least one comment on the food. She grew up with the finest food so she knows what good food is or not. You once bought her a baguette from a supermarket, she did not appreciate it. She could have stopped if not for Olivia's intervention "It's just a baguette, how bad can it be?" And that's how you all three didn't get any sleep because of Amelie's monologue on baguette Olivia is a lot more laid back so she takes you sightseeing and if she trusts you enough, she takes you to her hometown. She even lets you meet up with Baptiste.
No-faction Ladies
Kiriko
Kiriko is dragging your ass across the city and showing you the finest spots If you're dating, it's one of your monthly dates to walk around the city and discover new paths or stands/shops. Even if she knows her city like the back of her hand, she's still pleased you're enjoying showing her shops you like She also practices her kunai throwing with you. It’s a lot of fun for her to see you mess up so many times. Although, you get closer to the target with each training session and she holds great pride in seeing your progress She trusts you enough after some time spent together, as well as some missions done together, to show you the group in which she belongs: The Yōkai You spend some fun times with them and seeing as they all have some masks, you decided to craft one for Kiriko. Of course, it’s a fox one. Kiriko loves it so much she doesn’t wear it, in fear she breaks it but she places it in her apartment.
Junker Queen
Odessa doesn't get out of Junkertown a lot, if not at all since she got her Junker Queen title. So if you're travelling fairly often, you give her pictures of your travels. "Oi! You should take me out here, sounds lots of fun!" "I tried, you say you were too busy ruling things around here." "Ey, doesn't mean I can't get to travel from time to time with me partner." Every time you come back from your travels, whether it is for business or for yourself, you always tell how you trip went down. Of course, with pictures to accompany your story. Odessa finds it easier to follow if she has pictures in front of her
Ashe
Liz loves to experiment with her outfits, if you have any good idea she’s going to bring it to life. If one of your ideas doesn’t please her, she’s going to give you interesting feedback. She is a firm believer in constructive criticism She often asks BOB to watch over you when she’s gone for a heist but sometimes, it does seem like you’re the babysitter You teach BOB about some customs he might not have been aware of. It’s a lot of fun watching him learn new things
ps: i still have a lot of asks from the 700 celebration event, I'll try to get to it as soon as i am a little bit more free
#overwatch x reader#overwatch headcanons#overwatch imagines#overwatch ladies#reader insert#x reader#overwatch writing#d.va x reader#junker queen x reader#zarya x reader#ashe x reader#echo x reader#mei x reader#pharah x reader#sojourn x reader#sombra x reader#tracer x reader#widowmaker x reader#ana x reader#mercy x reader#symmetra x reader#brigitte x reader#kiriko x reader#moira x reader#the fact we were robbed of such a good way to explore the lore of overwatch makes me mad#yes i'm still fuming about this#ow writing
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I definitely want to back up that anon who thinks jimin is still in the kitchen! In truth I think all the boys are and will be for a long time. I see chapter two as the introduction of their solo careers meaning "hey we are gonna be bts but also be ourselves sometimes too" I think every solo moment we've seen is the beginning which I'm for one super excited about. Imagine a wave of brilliant solo work one year and then phenomenal group work the next. Chapter two is barely a year in and it's already a visual and musical feast. I think jimin loves quietly preparing so he can wow us when he feels the time is right and while I too get tense with the constant radio silence I know it's cause he'll blow my mind the second he wants too. I hope people who feel as if Jimin didn't get a chance to show his true might feel comforted in that he will never ever stop wanting to gag tf out of us. And I think the sentiment holds the same for bts.
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Exactly this. Up until a few months ago I thought this was well understood, seeing as how BTS has operated till now, but clearly I was mistaken.
For posterity’s sake, to beat this dead horse one final time:
Would it be nice for each member’s release to not have any of the issues they’ve had? Of course. But it’s possible to inform the company of said issues, address what we can for issues due to various platform errors not due to the company, while not losing sight of the fact this is only 2023. We’re still only in 2023. As in, we’re literally just one year into Chapter 2, none of the guys are older than 30, and they keep saying they’re in this for the long haul. And this is the same group that has shown over a decade that their plans are most often and best executed in multi-year stints.
It’s bizarre to think a member’s solo career is over or even damaged at all in any real way because of one or more problems that happened during their first solo release. It betrays such a myopic, winner-take-all mentality that you have to be in a very specific headspace to fully buy into.
Jimin is clearly happy and working. He’s not blind and is seeing what is working for other members and what isn’t. They’re all checking out each other’s solo endeavours from time to time, cheering each other on and I’d say making notes on what they too could try, what works and what doesn’t.
If there’s one thing that’s become clear to me over the years, and even more so in Chapter 2, it’s that BTS is a team. A real team. I’ve seen a lot of k-pop groups over the years and there is no group today, present or past, that would reach the heights BTS has if any of the members sought to harm or sabotage or lord shit over the rest, with or without help from the company. None of the BTS members would put up with that shit. Their egos are too big, they’re so obviously their own people, very ambitious and so aware of it that I really wonder if people actually listen to these men when they talk. They know exactly what they’re worth, and they trust that all the other members know it too. If BigHit showed any real favouritism, BTS is the last group to allow that if it’s not something they themselves have already agreed to.
They all know what they’re doing. And if they don’t, then they’re the only people with the tools to figure it out. All the angst and anguish over this or that happening in fan spaces, has no real effect on these men sitting somewhere in Seoul planning out everything they’d like to do as solo artists and as part of BTS.
That’s my takeaway after watching them for as long as I have. I could be wrong, but I’ve not seen anything to suggest that yet. I’m not sure how long you’ve been in the fandom Anon, or what you think about other issues, but it’s nice to see you and the other Anon share this perspective. It’s a view that’s widely accepted in the fan spaces I’m in outside of Tumblr, but one that is sorely lacking in this space right now.
For no reason at all, one Jimin that I hope one day shows up in Chapter 2, 3, or 4:
Sidebar - A friend (who isn’t religious) was asking another friend recently about religion, because she’s now desperate enough to seek divine intervention for Jimin to find blonde hair dye, and to love it again.
We all know his best hair colour is black, but it’s just as true that a solid case has been made for him being a natural blonde.
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Okay, that’s it today from my gallery.
That colleague i mentioned the other day, the one that recently got into BTS and now biases Jimin, we’re meeting up this weekend with my other friend, the musician that watched the Grammys with me last year and fell in love with Jimin. That’s an example of two people still finding out about Jimin, falling in love with his music and him as a person, and starting to support him. None of the noise online actually has any real bearing on the impact of real life people still learning about Jimin through his solo music and through BTS, and becoming his fans maybe for life.
If anyone finds themselves feeling overwhelmed in fandom, please zoom out. Please take time away and get some perspective. Everything I’ve said is obvious, none of it is rocket science or gleaned from any special insight. The noise online can suck you in, to prevent that, please detach, go back to their recent and old interviews to hear what they each feel about Chapter 2 and their solo work, listen to all of what Jimin expressed during his promotions, the good and bad. You’d be left with fewer anxieties. At least, that’s the case for me.
Thanks for this, Anon.
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some stuff i read and watched january - may
i had to stop doing f1 stuff (because it was making me miserable lol), redirected most of that energy into reading romance novels (occasionally other things but mostly romance novels lbr) and watching films. anyway now interview with the vampire's back and i'm fully deranged about that etc. highlights below!
black sails (s1 & 2 rewatch): i do enjoy s1 for my sins (marcus aurelius foreshadowing!) but it's Wild how much s2 kicks up a gear the instant they start properly pairing off flint and silver. coming back for the rest of the rewatch once i've calmed down about the vampires so the true devastation lies ahead etc. also i rewatched twelfth night for toby stephens reasons, his orsino remains a formative piece of nonsense
mary & george: i'm not going to get into the whole nicholas galitzine filmography deepdive i was compelled to do for reasons not even known to myself but i raced through this. very sexy obviously but often in a way transactional or empowering or tender without necessarily being romantic. like it's not reinventing the wheel but it felt like a more expansive presentation of intimacy than you usually see in a costume drama. tony curran great in this!
shōgun: god what a show!! epic and tragic and funny and specific and just like an unbelievable showcase for craft and talent. fuji forever
a moment of romance: andy lau so gorgeous i could die, neon bloody hong kong action with a love story that's almost chaste until they finally kiss and it's fire actually. the rain! sparklers! explosions! a motorcycle helmet that says "safety!" on it!
tampopo: spent way too much money on a bunch of criterion collection blu-rays and i Loved this one, even the freaky egg stuff. an all-time food film and also baby ken watanabe is there with a little bandana!
all that heaven allows: i always feel like i came to sirk backwards because i saw far from heaven first; did magnificent obsession and written on the wind as well and the colours are always gorgeous but this was far and away my favourite. at one point a teapot gets smashed and i gasped like my heart was breaking
thief: god this absolutely rips! unfortunately your girl Is a michael mann bro (austin butler heat 2 let's gooo) and incredibly into things like blowtorches and shots of windows exploding outwards like a shower of diamonds
challengers: feral about it obviously, itemised list of derangements here
la chimera: it's josh o'connor season and i loved this even more than challengers, there are moments in this that felt like miracles
emma. (2020): rewatched this with the blu-ray commentary which only made me love it more, also i've warmed on callum turner since i saw his trip to the criterion closet, what a babe
queen of the damned: watched this in a vampire fever and in the spirit of "how bad can it be?" and the answer was: worse even than that
furiosa: a mad max saga: i really felt the saga of it all, like the almost mythic telling of it, and hemsworth's great and the action's great, but most importantly OH GOD TOM BURKE IS SO HOT AS PRAETORIAN JACK. OH GOD HE'S SO HOT AND STOIC AND SOLID and i was not prepared for it to be a Romance like that oh god
land of milk and honey by c pam zhang: near-future dystopian unbelievably sexy food book, i still think about some of those images. a duck breast split open like a geode!! fuck!!
the spymasters series by joanna bourne: i haven't loved a romance series like this in a While, it's napoleonic era spies! everyone's in love and constantly betraying and shooting each other! it's Not lymond but it was twisty and detailed enough to scratch the lymond itch for me. you can basically read them in any order because they weren't written chronologically, but take my advice and start with the black hawk, because then you can play "what's hawker up to?" in all the other books and hurt your feelings, then go back to the spymaster's lady and do the rest in publication order. i love my terrible spy family!!
practice by rosalind brown: i'm so obsessed with this, it's about a student trying to write an essay but really it's about shakespeare and yoga and the elaborate gay fictions she's constantly making up in her head
henry henry by allen bratton: henry iv by way of brideshead and patrick melrose, i deeply loved this and i deeply loved this hal. one for the hal/hotspur yuletide enjoyers etc
you should be so lucky by cat sebastian: i also read and loved her cabot series but this one really got to me. as a brit i can never truly be a baseball understander but this crossed the bull durham/everybody wants some!! line of making me yearn about it a bit
kaliane bradley, the ministry of time: loved this so wildly that i committed multiple counts of reverse wage theft to dazedly copy the best parts into my notes app and yowl about it with my friends who'd had arcs. sexy time travel roommate situation, my beloved
add me on goodreads or letterboxd if you're into that sort of thing etc
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Ensemble - 93: Encouragement
Subaru: …So what is it?
[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]
Location: Soundproof Lesson Room
Subaru: …So what is it?
Just what is your serious business? I need to practice to prepare myself for that thing called DDD or something, that'll be held in a few days, you know?
If you're just going to get in my way then I'll have you leave right now. Unrelated parties are denied entry!
Chiaki: It looks like you're already fully in sulking mode, Akehoshi! But still! The fact that you haven't lost your will to fight even after you've been left all alone is praiseworthy!
You fight against loneliness and no matter how much you get pushed into a corner, in the end you make a great turnaround! Great explosion! Great victory! That's what an ally of justice is!
That's why you are worthy to be my successor…☆
What do you think, Akehoshi? Do you want to become a part of my RYUSEITAI?
I've tried to scout you many times until now but was refused each time! However, Akehoshi, I will not give up! You have talent, radiance!
I want that radiance! You will be able to strive in RYUSEITAI, and your talent will be able to carry RYUSEITAI to an even higher height!
Join RYUSEITAI, Akehoshi! You won't be able to win against the student council all by yourself, nothing will change if you are only looking down and crying yourself to sleep in a place like this!
Use us! We will become your power! The allies of justice are always the allies of the weak ones!
RYUSEITAI doesn't fall under the student council's authority, on top of that it is also a strong unit which even has one of the oddballs, Kanata Shinkai, in its ranks.
If you join on top of that, we'll be even stronger. Overthrowing the student council wouldn't be just a dream.
It's no use clinging on to a unit that has already come to an end.
It's a shame but Trickstar can't shine any more. Most stars will burn themselves out and be filled with darkness. However, in RYUSEITAI you will be able to shine again!
You will be able to take vengeance upon the student council, which unfairly took everything from you! You will be able to show those guys who betrayed you and threw you away!
And then you will become the brightest star, who shines at the top of this school!
Subaru: That's your 'serious business'?
If so, then this talk is over. I don't have any intention to join a unit besides Trickstar.
Even if I'm all alone, I am Trickstar.
…Even I think it's childish and selfish. I'm miserable and pitiful. But I just don't think that Trickstar has burned out.
I also don't feel betrayed or thrown away.
Right now it's just a bit cloudy. Someday we'll be able to shine again.
I at least want to keep believing that. In the past… I was able to stand on a sparkling stage, which I hadn't even dared to dream of when I was alone like I am now.
With everyone else, during that S1.
It was a dream that lasted only a single night. It might have been a miracle. However, I want to stand there again. On top of that brightly shining stage.
And the ones who should be standing there… It can't be RYUSEITAI or fine, AKATSUKI or Knights, it has to be Trickstar.
I can't explain it very well, but those are my true feelings.
Chii-chan-buchou, even though you went out of your way to talk to me. Even though you worried for me and tried to cheer me up. I'm sorry.
My place to be isn't RYUSEITAI.
I'm Trickstar.
Chiaki: ……
But the real problem is, what do you plan to do from here on out?
We are also planning to participate in the DDD, so I've already checked the participation requirements for it. But you have to be a unit to participate.
The great premise for the DDD is that it is the preliminaries to decide which unit will represent our school at the end of the year SS.
It isn't allowed for an individual to participate.
And according to Yumenosaki Academy's rules the minimum number of people needed to form a unit is two. You won't even be able to stand on the decisive battleground if you're all by yourself.
If there's only one person left, your unit will be forcefully disbanded. You won't have any choice but to stand still while facing this harsh reality, without being able to do anything.
Even then will you still continue to serve Trickstar until the very end?
Subaru: … …
Chiaki: … …
Chiaki: …Ha, haha! Hahaha! Haaahahahaha ☆
Subaru: Wh-what's happened? Did you go mad, Chii-chan-buchou?
Chiaki: No, you see, I just finally understood. I see, so that's why she was wearing those kinds of clothes.
Hahahaha ☆
Subaru: She…?
Chiaki: Well, that's fine. I fully understand how you feel about this, Akehoshi.
I'm sorry for doing something like testing you.
If your heart were broken because of what the president did and said… If that were so, I thought you wouldn't be able to endure standing on the battlefield any more than this.
I would have had no choice but to decide you were someone weak and that RYUSEITAI and I should properly shelter you.
But you are a fighter! And you are still in the ring!
Your soul hasn't died yet!
Your heart is like iron. No, it's a jewel that is harder and shines more beautifully than anything else!
I am happy, Akehoshi! If you still haven't lost the will to fight, if your heart hasn't broken yet! Your chance to win won't be zero!
Let's give the president, who repeated his vile acts and made you suffer, what you owe him!
I want you to let me be your pillar of support for that. That is the 'serious business' I came to talk about!
Akehoshi, you are not alone.
Subaru: Wh-what do you mean…?
[ ☆ ]
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