#i'm fresh out of a breakdown if you couldn't tell

[moodyseal]

I've been agonizing over my exams for too long WHO CARES I'm going to pass them and I'm going to kick ass and even if I won't it'll be fine. The sun will shine on my head anyway

[suiana]

(yandere! bully victim x gn! bully reader) (cw: erm... yandere stuff, body horror or whatever its called idk bruh, he kinda carves his name into ur skin but its not mentioned in detail)

"how does it feel to be on the receiving end now, huh?"

you shiver, letting out a strained sound as you trash on the table.

"pluh- mn!"

"what was that? you've got to be clearer with your words, my dear. how do you expect me to understand muffles?"

the male hums, his cold hands dancing across your body. you could only shiver yet again, unable to do anything but remain binded to the table.

"oh, sorry, i forgot you couldn't speak. haha, how silly of me."

yeah, how silly of him to completely gag you so you couldn't speak. how completely silly of him to tie you to some cold table, restraining all your movements so that you couldn't fight back against him. how absolutely whimsical for him to be recording all your grunts, groans, and whines while you were completely restrained.

well, you suppose it's a bit ironic. considering that you were the one doing it to him when the both of you were younger. albeit not on this level.

you wonder if this was how he felt. vulnerable, naked, defenseless.

it happened so long ago, but the wounds you inflicted on him were still fresh. no matter how hard you try apologizing, his scars still bleed warm.

you shouldn't have been mean to him. you really shouldn't. especially when he was so much nicer back then.

"mn... you have no idea how much I've wanted to do this. it really makes me happy to see you so..."

he pauses, eyes raking over your form that was tied down to his table.

"so weak."

we've all watched the movies where the bully gets put in place and completely punished. you used to laugh at those films. i mean, how could the bully even be so stupid to get karma for their actions? couldn't they have hid better? tried making up for it? why did they have to go through the consequences of their actions? what idiots!

but now that it's happening to you, you wish you hadn't said those words.

the second you found out that your ex-victim was your boss, you couldn't even as much as utter a word. no, you felt like you were about to have a mental breakdown. especially because you were now his secretary, working for him.

"come on, what happened to that big, scary, and mean ol' bully that i knew? the one that used to pour water over my head and have their friends restrain me?"

his words have a hunt of condescension- no, they were fully condescending. he was mocking you right now. mocking you for your stupidity, mocking you for your actions. and he was absolutely taking pleasure in seeing you in such a weak and reduced state. a shell of the person you once were.

you couldn't do anything but to take it like the loser you were.

"haha, look at you. all tied down and gagged like the dog you are. why don't you bark for me? maybe I'll be nicer if you act like a stupid bitch in heat."

he laughs, hands resting on your clothed abdomen. his hair falls over his eyes, the usual up kept man looking like a mess as he continues to taunt you.

"you know, when i confessed to liking you, i never expected you to bully me. seriously. i thought you'd be like, I don't know, nice about it. if you were nice I don't think I'd have stalked you and do all this. would've courted you normally until you accepted. I'm a patient guy after all."

the words that come out of his mouth have just the tiniest bit of sadness in them. however, it's completely squashed down by the sharp look in his eyes.

"had i known you'd be such an ass about it... I'd have just taken you for myself right there and then. who cares about having a normal relationship, right? as long as you're with me, it's all that matters."

right, like what he was doing right now. ever since you started working for him he's been constantly... acting like he was your boyfriend rather than your boss. constantly giving you gifts, telling you that it was okay that you bullied him because he knows you're just shy and that he'll make things right... the worst part was when he forbid you from interacting with others.

it was fucking creepy.

things were only worsened when he found you on a night out at a bar, flirting with some random stranger. you had wanted to let loose and relieve some stress but it looks like karma loved to see you suffer.

"what are you doing? are you cheating on me?"

what the fuck?! you stare at your boss in horror, freezing in place. quickly turning back to the stranger you were flirting with, you shake your head and apologize, explaining that your boss was just a little weird. why the hell is he even here?!

"look, I'm sorry but he's a bit of a creep and-"

"my darling, i think it's time we go back home. you've had one too many drinks."

that experience was only the start of an even worser time. one that led him to declare to the whole damn world that you were now his in a fit of anger and mania. i mean, he practically has you locked in his house now. and it wasn't even illegal since you agreed to come.

he had called you to sort out some paperwork or whatever and you being his secretary... you couldn't refuse even if you wanted to. so you made your way to his house, all naive and ignorant of what was to come the second he opened those doors to that luxurious mansion of his.

you passed out and the next thing you knew, you were restrained to the table, gagged and staring at him with a half lidded look in your eyes.

god damn it, you should've known better than to believe this crazy guy's words. why would you willingly go to his place where there'd be no one but you two? ugh, stupid, stupid, stupid.

and now you could only express how terrified you were with your eyes and shivering body.

"how cute. how seriously cute. I've always wanted to see you look at me with that expression."

he coos, lips stretched into a smirk as he leans down to your face. his breath hits your skin, cold hands trailing up your chest and to your jaw before he grips hard.

"you're mine. it wasn't clear when i was just a boy but you've always been mine. since the day i let you bullied me, and even right now, I've made it clear. you're mine, and always will be mine."

he's right, you've always been his. why else would this rich and obviously powerful guy just let you bully him? he could've had you gone the second you made a move on him but instead...

"i still remember the slaps and bruises you left on me. ah... you were so cute back then. hitting me like that. should've scarred me too, maybe then I'd see your horrified face whenever i flashed it."

a sadist. you're sure that he's some sort of sadistic masochist.

"oh well, it's no matter. I've done that job for you."

he pulls away, unbuttoning his shirt to reveal his bare upper body to you. to say that you were completely terrified would be an understatement. because why the hell was your first name (and his last name btw) painfully carved into his other flawless skin? right above his heart, no less!

"isn't it beautiful? you're forever with me now."

his words send a chill down your body. what the hell, you don't want to be with him at all! and it looks like he sensed that but chose to ignore your feelings.

your boss smiles at you before pulling out a small blade from his pants.

oh hell nah.

"it's your turn, darling."

no no no, you don't like where this is going. your body trashes violently against the cold hard table he had you strapped in, pupils blown wide as adrenaline fills your veins.

"mgh! mf!"

"hey hey, quiet down. it's only fair that i get to do it to you, right? consider this my payback. you had your fun and now I'm having mine."

no! shit shit shit, what are you supposed to do?!

you try shaking your head, sweat forming on your skin as your breath grows laboured. your body continues to trash against the bindings, but it looks like the bindings were done just a little too well.

"hm... should i do it somewhere visible? or maybe... right where your heart would be?"

you shake violently, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

"nh! mh!"

"aw, is my little darling about to cry? that's so cute. go on, cry for me. cry for me just like i cried for you."

tears fall down your cheeks as he trails the vlade over your clothes. the sharpness of the item has you shivering, cold dread creeping up your spine at the very thought of that anywhere on your skin.

"hm... since you look so scared, I'll carve my initials instead of my full name. how about that? a good offer if i say so myself."

if you could speak, you'd be cursing and begging him to stop. unfortunately that wasn't the case and your boss took your lack of words as the green light.

"don't worry, I'll kiss your pain away afterwards. it'll be over before you know it."

oh god damn it, you really should've just politely rejected him when he confessed.

[lixie-phoria]

comforting bf!hyunjin

requested : yes | genre : angst with a happy ending | word count : 0.6k

Can I request y/n talking Hyunjin down from a breakdown and being there for him when he feels kinda numb after and helping him brush his hair, eat, and just being there for him through a hard time

an: this is my first time writing smth like this and I'm not sure how much I like how it's turned out :')

"Hyunjin. Let me in, please"

How long had it been? Half an hour? An hour? You weren't sure as you leaned your forehead against the door, cursing the locked barrier.

"Leave me alone."

His voice was raw, punctuated only by the soft sound of his stifled sobs.

"Jinnie, please. I want to help. Tell me what's wrong."

You were met with silence.

Hyunjin's practice had run late that night.

He'd been down for the past few days, so you stayed up to make sure he wouldn't return home to a cold, dark hall. But you hadn't expected him to storm in at 2 a.m, hair a mess and tear stains running down his cheeks. He didn't even give you a chance to speak. The first thing he'd done was lock himself into your shared bedroom, trying to muffle his sobs, but they seeped into the silence of the hall anyways.

"Babe, what's wrong? Did I do something?"

"No."

"Then let me in, please."

His reply was a strangled sob. "I don't want you seeing me like this. I'm a mess"

"I don't care how you look, hyunjin. I want to make sure you're alright."

It's a while before you hear the lock click, and you're on your feet immediately, pushing the door open to find your boyfriend seated at the foot of your bed, head in his hands and body shaking from sobs.

the sight broke your heart.

You're by his side in an instant, wrapping your arms around him as he hides his face in the crook of your neck, a fresh wave of sobs escaping him.

"What's wrong, hyune?"

"Do you love me?"

His question hung in the air, delicate and heart-wrenching.

"Of course I do. I love you. So much."

"But why?"

You rested your temple against his, sorrow digging a dagger into your heart. You hated seeing him like this.

"Where is all of this coming from?"

His hold around you tightens, but he doesn't answer.

"Is it the haters?"

You knew you had guessed correctly when he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears at bay.

"I don't want to talk about it right now."

"that's not healthy. you know that. let me help you, please."

"not today."

you sighed. you don't want to push it. he'll come around eventually, he always does.

"how about in the morning?"

he nods silently as you finally turn your body to face his, gently taking his face in your hands.

"you know i love you, right? i love you no matter what. always."

he leans into your touch, eyes closing. "thank you."

"And you are not the opinion of someone who doesn't know you."

Though he couldn't see it, a soft smile plays at your lips as you press a kiss to his furrowed brow.

"do you want to eat something?"

"it's 3 in the morning."

"screw that."

that earns a small chuckle from him as he meets your gaze, warm brown orbs staring into yours.

"thank you," he repeats.

"you don't have to thank me, hyune."

you help him up from the floor, standing on your toes to tuck the lose strands that had escaped from his hair tie.

"i didn't think you'd stay with me after seeing me like this."

"i'll stay with you no matter what."

As the night slowly yielded to the first hints of dawn, you found yourselves nestled together on the bed. Hyunjin's breathing had steadied, and his weary eyes met yours with a newfound warmth.

"We're in this together, always," you whisper, lacing his fingers with yours as he leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a tender kiss.

At that moment, a meteorite could've come crashing down upon the earth, but what mattered was that you were in his arms. safe.

tags : @foxinnie8 @hamburgers101 @starlostlaiba @laylasbunbunny (send an ask to be added/removed)

©lixie-phoria, 2023

[serverusslaype]

Shameless, pt. 15

Severus Snape x professor!reader fic

Shameless Masterpost

hey guys.................. dont kill me. i'm so sorry for the incredibly lengthy hiatus.... i had no motivation, each time i opened the file to type i'd type a couple words, maybe a paragraph and close it. i finally found the motivation to finish this chapter recently, i'm hoping it stays. it's been a rough couple months, so hoping this can help me feel a bit better!!

i felt really guilty for sort of abandoning the fic where it was, but i couldn't force myself to write anything, there was no creative juice, i think i sort of burnt myself out. and for the previous posts saying i was back, i thought i was, but i'd have the smallest spark of inspiration and try to write, but then nothing happened, and i felt bad so i didn't want to say something like, sorry, i lied. :(

hopefully this chapter is okay, i know most of you won't like it, but i'm so glad i finally finished it, it was one of the hardest to write because i had so many ideas on how it'd end and effect the whole story itself, so i had to make sure it made sense.

i can't believe you guys are still here after so long, it made me emotional to see all of your asks and comments and likes, i was just floored to be honest, so thank you so much for your unwavering support. i love you all so so much. honestly. holy shit. this has been a journey. <3 i hope you guys are all doing brilliantly.

warnings: lack of snape, swearing, mentions of adultery, slight domestic violence, verbal abuse at the end

You didn't know where to go. You felt... lost. You couldn't exactly go back to your quarters, not with Ben there, you didn't need more questions about why you were crying your eyes out at this time of night. It's not like you could tell him the truth.

So, you did what anyone would: go for a midnight walk. Well, at least that's what you thought anyone would do when they had nowhere to go. You'd hoped that the fresh, cold air would soothe your burning lungs, and the gentle breeze would dry your teary eyes. In an even deeper, darker part of your mind, you also hoped that Black would find you. Perhaps that would make everything... easier.

With tears still streaming freely from your eyes and heavy feet, you padded towards the large, magnificent doors that led to the outside with your arms wrapped around your body tightly; trying your best not to breakdown until you were alone. Your hands were still shaking as you pushed them against the doors, opening it a tad as the cool wind blew through the crack and into your face. You gasped a little at the sharp breeze, but nonetheless you slipped out, and made your way into the courtyard. The temperature was a little more biting than you had anticipated, and so you squeezed your arms around yourself a little tighter, walking towards the infamous wooden, crooked bridge.

As you sauntered through the courtyard, the only noises you heard were the owls hooting in the distance, the gentle breeze brushing through the burnt-amber leaved trees and the faint clack of your heels against the cobblestoned ground. In all honesty, it did feel a little eerie to the say the least, but at this very moment that was the least of your worries. All you wanted was a little time alone to cry, or grieve what could have been with ...Severus.

Gods, it hurt to even think his name, let alone speak it.

You reached the wooden bridge, and you stopped in the middle of it; leaning against the intricately carved columns to gaze out at the highlands. The moonlight casted a gorgeous glaze-like reflection upon the Black Lake, and it twinkled beautifully, almost hypnotising you like an illusion. Your eyes flicked up to the moon and glanced around it, staring at the glittering stars surrounding it like a perfect painting. Only times like this did you miss teaching Astronomy. As your mind reeled back to your first year teaching at Hogwarts, you relished in the time where you did not know the man named Severus Snape, and suddenly your heart sank in your chest like an anchor dropped at sea. You were so naive back then, unknowing of what was to come.

As the memories of you and Severus flooded your mind like a dam breaking, you let yourself cry. You could still feel his lips on yours, his fingertips gently tracing the curves and grooves of your skin, the words he'd whispered into your ear - it was all there, stained on your skin, like a tattoo - or perhaps a branding. And now you had to live with it. You weren't sure if you'd survive this time, especially not with how deeply you felt for him. You were torn between pretending he didn't exist and trying to talk to him, perhaps even telling him how you felt, but truth be told you were petrified of how he'd react. Would he even look at you again with those glittering black eyes you'd come to adore so hopelessly? Would he dare speak to you again, knowing that he'd charmed you? Maybe he'd relish in the fact that he'd done so, take pride in bewitching you, and make you hurt for it. You knew Snape could be rather cruel, your school days here with him as your teacher was enough for you to know that.

All these unanswered questions swam through your head and you felt yourself becoming suffocated from them, and it suddenly felt as if your lungs had filled with water, drowning you. You sobbed helplessly as you slid down the wooden wall behind you with your hands against your face, the rough edges scratching your back through your clothes rather uncomfortably.

"Y/N?" A voice came from beside you, and you froze. You turned your head away from them and quickly used your sleeve to wipe your eyes, drying the tears that had fallen from them. Only one person has a voice as soft as the one you had just heard.

You gave yourself a moment to gather yourself before even attempting to use your voice.

"Hello, Remus." You croaked quietly, sniffling.

"What on Earth are you doing out here so late?" He questioned gently, and you heard him take a step towards you. "Are you alright?"

"Quite dandy," you sarcastically quipped, sighing deeply, "I'm brilliant..." You turned your head to face him, and immediately, his face softened at the sight of your own. You were sat up against the side of the bridge, knees up against your chest and your arms wrapped around them; nose and eyes red, wet with tears. Remus quickly dropped down to his knees beside you, placing a soothing hand upon your forearm.

"What happened?" Remus asked, careful to keep his voice quiet and soft. With empty eyes, you stared into his worried ones, and instantly you felt terrible. The last thing you wanted was people worrying over you.

You looked away, down at the ground. "I..." you mumbled, sighing, "it's a... long... story." You spoke slowly. From the corner of your eye, you saw a small smile quirk up on Remus's lips.

"I've got time, my dear." He replied as his thumb brushed your forearm, silently encouraging you to talk. You felt at ease in Remus's presence, it was almost like he had a calm aura around him, and naturally your body relaxed beside his. You took a deep breath.

"Erm," you choked, sniffling again, "it's Se... Snape." You couldn't bring yourself to say his first name without crumbling into a million pieces.

Remus let out a gentle breath. "Snape, of course," He tutted, glancing between you and the ground. "What's he done?" The fact that Remus reacted like he had expected Snape to have hurt you, further broke your heart. Were you the only one to have seen through his icy exterior?

"Broken my heart," You laughed dryly, and you had to fight back another bout of tears. Remus's brows furrowed in confusion at you. "We... I... Look, I'm not sure how to explain this to you. But... I fell..." You trailed off, unable to finish your sentence. Your heart hurt too much. You only hoped that Remus knew what you were about to say.

Remus blinked and stared at you, shocked. Clearly, the two of you had hidden your 'relationship' well - so well that everyone was oblivious to it. "You fell...?" He frowned.

"In love... with him..." You almost whispered, avoiding Remus's eyes. You weren't sure if you'd be able to handle the look in them.

"You're in love with... Severus?" Remus repeated, and you squeezed your eyes shut at his words. They were like daggers, stabbing your bleeding heart. It was almost like you could feel it trembling inside of your chest, begging you to free it from this cycle of torment. "But... Aren't you with... Ben? And... Severus... he's..."

"I know," you sighed, noticing his confusion, "I had feelings for Severus before I met Ben. And it sort of just, like, spiralled out of control, and now, erm, here I am- Gods, I should have just listened to Minerva, I wouldn't be here right now, hurting like this." You ranted, another strangled sob leaving your throat. Remus watched you, and his eyes softened. He felt terrible for you. "She warned me, Remus, why didn't I just listen to her?!" You cried, letting your head fall into your hands.

"Y/N," Remus whispered, reaching out a cautious hand to pry your face from your hands. With a soft gasp, you looked up with teary eyes, and he wiped a stray tear from your cheek. "We don't get to choose who we do and don't fall in love with. We follow our hearts blindly, most of the time, unknowingly." He said, and moved his hand from your wet cheek to your shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. "It's beyond our control who we love."

There was a moment of silence.

"...What do I do, Remus?" You sobbed softly, sniffling, looking at your knees.

"Have you told him?"

"No."

"I think you should."

"But what about Ben? Shouldn't I... deal with... that first?" You sniffled again. "And what if Severus doesn't feel the same way about me? Then what?"

Remus paused for a moment, thinking. You looked up at him. "What if he does?" He said, a small, comforting smile tickling his lips as he stared at you.

"Well- from the way he treated me earlier... I truly doubt it, Remus." You scoffed, glancing away from his pitying brown eyes.

Remus sighed, and you clenched your jaw. "Regret is a terrible thing, Y/N," he said, "it's such a short word, yet it stretches on forever." Your eyes were glued on the ground and your body was still, but your mind was running a million miles an hour.

You sat there in silence for a short moment, thinking deeply. Remus was right. You'd regret it for the rest of your life if you didn't tell Severus how you felt. That chance of him reciprocating your feelings was small, but it was still there. If he didn't feel the same, fine, you'd move on. Eventually. And if he did?...

"...Alright," You nodded sheepishly. "I'll tell him. I just... need to, erm, work out when and more specifically, how. Like, do I just straight up blurt it out? Work my way up to it? H-how do you know it's the right time?" You rambled with tears still falling from your eyes, glancing through them at Remus who sat beside you with a soft expression upon his features.

"You'll know." Was all he said before slowly standing and holding out a hand for you to take. Graciously, you took it, and Remus pulled you to your feet. "Feel better?" He hummed, casting a glance out at the moon, then a worried look suddenly struck his eyes. You noticed and frowned slightly at his behaviour.

The moon?

"A little." You forced a smile upon your lips, and lifted up a hand to wipe the remaining stray tears upon your red cheeks. Remus looked back at you, and returned your smile. "How come you were out so late?" You asked curiously, brushing off his odd reaction to seeing a moon.

"A walk in the night does me good," Remus shrugged, and began to walk back towards the castle with you beside him. "Clears my head."

"Ah, well, I suppose I'm glad you found me, then." You chuckled awkwardly, folding your arms against your chest.

Remus smiled at you and placed an arm around your shoulders, giving you a squeeze. "Let's get you back to your quarters, Y/N, you look like an ice block." He hummed and lead you back to the castle, but not before throwing another glance over his shoulder to the almost-full-moon.

Faint, footsteps trailed down an empty corridor, and a billowing black cape followed with it. As Severus marched, his chest felt horribly heavy, almost like there was a boulder chained to it, weighing him down. He couldn't figure out why he felt like this, and it was starting to make him a little irate. He knew it was something to do with you since it had started after you'd stormed out of his office.

As Severus was about to round a corner, the sound of familiar, sweet laughter rattled through his bones, and immediately he froze. Without a doubt, he knew it was you. Only you could have laughter that sounded like the sweet songs that birds chirped in the summer mornings. The breath in his lungs suddenly vanished and he quickly swooped himself behind a bookcase, poking his head out from the side of it to see who you were with.

The moment you appeared, that boulder chained to his chest became heavier, and he felt himself lean against the bookcase he hid behind. Severus's eyes widened as they glued themselves to the man beside you - Remus Lupin. His blood boiled at the sight.

What could have Lupin have said to make you laugh like that? He'd only heard you laugh like that when you were with him, not Lupin.

From a distance, he couldn't make out what the two of you were talking about, but it was obviously hilarious. Severus's jaw clenched as he watched Lupin place a hand upon the small of your back, guiding you.

Guiding you... inside your quarters?

Snape hissed silently to himself as he stared, his sharp and hardened eyes welded to the back of Lupin's head like molten metal. As your door shut, Snape could only huff in disgust with bared teeth. What were the two of you doing in there? It was past midnight and you and Lupin seemed happy as Larry to go into your quarters. Snape couldn't bear the idea of you and Lupin alone together - let alone the fact that Lupin had had his damned, grubby paws on you. Severus clenched his jaw in a violent fashion, very clearly upset at how you'd moved on so quickly, especially with another professor at Hogwarts. Was this your thing? Bewitch every lonely professor that you laid your wretched eyes upon and then move onto the next? Did it make you feel better about yourself in some fucked up way?

An uneasy, bitter feeling twisted inside of his chest as he pictured the two of you alone and he whipped around out of spite; the swoosh of his long, black cloak filling the silent hallway. How could you move on so quickly, so... easily? 

"Never did I think I'd see the day that someone told me they fell in love with a man like Severus Snape." Remus laughed softly as he waddled to your sofa, glancing at you as if to ask if it was alright to sit. You nodded at him.

"And yet here we are." You hummed with a flat mouth, clearly not as amused as your friend was. "Sometimes I wish I was as emotionally guarded as he was, but then I remember how bloody miserable that would be." You mumbled, earning an abrupt laugh from Lupin who'd settled on the couch with a soft sigh.

Ben was nowhere to be seen, so you assumed he was asleep in the bedroom.

"Severus is an interesting character, most definitely," Lupin nodded and you turned around, walking towards him to join him on the sofa. "And I applaud you for being able to tame him. If it's any consolation, only one other woman had been able to, though I think it was... unintentional, if you will."

"Unintentional?" You questioned, your tone curious. Though almost instantly, that curiosity was killed as the thought of Severus with another woman stabbed at your fragile heart. "Actually, I'm not sure if I want to hear this right now." A dry laugh slipped from your lips and you exhaled sharply as another wave of tears prickled at your waterline.

"Alright." Lupin said softly, taking notice of your quivering voice. He stood up with a breathy groan and shuffled towards you, slinking an arm around your shoulders to pull you into his chest. It was calming, and the way he hugged you reminded you of all the times your parents would comfort you as a child. As Lupin gave you a supportive squeeze, it was as if he'd accidently pushed the button for the waterworks - hot tears began to stream down your cheeks once again, and you sobbed quietly into his wrinkled shirt.

"Hey," Lupin sighed as he watched your shoulders shake with sorrow. His hand sat on the top of your arm, squeezing it gently: a dire attempt at consoling you. "Don't cry, Y/N, it'll pass."

"Idon'twantitto-" You mumbled into his shirt, sniffling loudly. Lupin's brows furrowed together in confusion as he paused for a brief moment, silently trying to decipher what you'd just said.

"What?" He asked gently, leaning his head down so he could hear you a little better. You lifted your head from him, sighing, another heartbreaking sniffle sneaking out of your reddened nose.

"I don't want it to." You repeated yourself, lifting a hand up to wipe your wet eyes lazily.

"I know. But it will." Lupin sighed too. "Severus is... a very... damaged man," He cringed slightly at his choice of words, but he continued, "I'm not even sure that you could help him- or fix him."

At this point, you were staring soullessly at the floor, and the only thing you could feel was Lupin's chest against your shoulders. Were you and Severus really a lost case? You felt like you'd made so much progress, he'd opened up to you, he'd... he also ran away again. Perhaps your friend Remus is right.

"I think I want to be alone." You suddenly blurted out, slowly glancing up at the professor with glossy, red eyes. Lupin blinked at you, confused for a moment, though he quickly came to. He didn't blame you for saying such a thing - you'd just had your heart ripped out, to put it simply.

Remus didn't say anything, he only nodded, offering you a kind, yet pitiful smile - and that hurt you slightly. You didn't want his pity, in fact, you didn't want anyone's pity. "If you need anything, you know where to find me." He muttered, brushing a hand through your hair softly. You shut your eyes for a moment and sighed, a small gush of guilt filling your body. Here Lupin was, trying to console you, and you're kicking him out. You hoped he didn't take it personally.

"I'm sorry, I... I just need to be alone." You quickly offered. Remus shook his head and frowned at you.

"No, I understand. See you in the morning, Y/N. Feel better soon." The professor smiled at you and this time it wasn't rich with pity, but kindness. He tipped his head at you and began to shuffle his way towards the door, opening it with a quiet creak from the oak. Before he disappeared out of your chambers, Remus turned around and smiled at you once more, slipping away.

Seconds after the door shut, a drowsy-looking Ben opened your bedroom door, popping his head out. He squinted at the bright light, clearly having just woken up. That settled your nerves slightly, since you'd just spoken about Severus with Remus, only a few metres away from Ben.

"Are you crying?" Ben yawned, his bushy brows furrowed in either confusion or annoyance - at this point you couldn't tell.

"No," You coughed and turned around to pretend to do something else as you wiped at your eyes. "I'm fine, go back to bed, Ben." A curt sigh fell from your lips, and almost immediately you heard footsteps padding closer to you. "I'm fine." You repeated, listening as his feet stopped behind you.

"What happened?" Ben asked, the tiniest hint of sympathy in his voice made you shiver slightly.

"Nothing, it was just a rough day at work, honestly. I'd rather not talk about it." Your brows shot together as you tried to keep the tears at bay, but you couldn't help but think about Severus as Ben placed a hand on your waist in an attempt to pry you away from the countertop and towards him. You didn't want anyone else's hands on you but his.

"Hey," Ben said softly, though it felt heavy in your chest. "It's work. It won't matter in a day or two." You were silent. "Y/N?"

"I need a drink." You muttered and forced yourself to look at Ben, cringing slightly as you walked past him and towards a glossy wooden cabinet in the corner of your chambers. You rarely drank, and if you did, it was to either celebrate something, or forget something.

Another uncomfortable silence fell on top of the pair of you.

"Want one?" You asked with no emotion in your voice.

Ben hesitated for a moment, his groggy eyes staring at the back of your figure, silently trying to deduce you. "...Sure."

You were going to regret this.

You'd changed into comfier clothes, more specifically a pair of forest green silk shorts and a matching camisole top. Sitting on the edge of your bed, you faced Ben as he was sat on the windowsill opposite you, nursing his glass of wine. After a few strong sips, the pair of you were chatting and reminiscing like old pals. "Remember that time when I turned Peter Kipling into a weasel in McGonagall's class?" Ben giggled drunkenly, elbowing you gently as you nodded with tears in your eyes, an amused grin spread across your face.

"Oh my- I forgot about that!" You wheezed, smacking your lips together. "Didn't you get... like... at least- like a month's detention for that?" You laughed, slurring, taking another sip of your glass of Elven wine. You winced slightly at the strong aftertaste as it burned your throat. That was to be your last drink, you couldn't take much more.

"Ohh, yeah, I d-id," Ben hiccuped, his laughter dying out as he sighed; his tired eyes falling onto you. Shuffling under his gaze, you felt slightly uncomfortable. A brief yet thick silence suddenly engulfed the two of you like a slow-burning fire. Ben stood from where he'd been sat, stumbling over to where you were, stopping just in front of your knees.

"I miss talkin' to you, Y/N." He sighed, taking his hand and placing it upon your cheek; carressing the apple of it with his rough thumb. The strong scent of alcohol on his breath made you gag a tad - you were drunk as well, but the smell of it wasn't pleasant, especially from his mouth.

Your breath hitched slightly at the sudden contact.

"..Yeah." You answered quietly albeit awkwardly as you stared up at Ben. Though, all the wine you'd consumed was making him look like someone... else - the darkness wasn't helping either, in fact it was fueling your hallucinations. The dark cast of a shadow from the lit candles behind him made his nose appear larger, and his cheekbones a little more pronounced.

Slowly, he crouched down until you two were eye-level, his hands slipping to your ankles. Your body stiffened slightly at the feeling. "Ben.." You warned, sighing as the drunk buzz and pleasurable tingle from the pads of his fingers was starting to cloud your mind.

"Whaat?" He whispered, heavy-lidded eyes still glued to yours as his fingers began to trail up your calves. Ben began to stand up slightly, pushing his face dangerously close to yours, and so you leant backwards to avoid him, your back gradually making contact with the bed. He shuffled forwards slightly, pressing a knee against the edge of the bed to balance himself.

You shouldn't be doing this, you knew that, but Gods, the alcohol was truly fucking with your morals and mind.

Would it hurt?

Just a little... taste...?

You shut your eyes as you became lost in the feeling; his fingers reaching the backs of your soft thighs, a breathy sigh falling from your lips. Slowly, you opened your eyes again as Ben's smalelr nose pressed into your neck, followed by his wet lips. You gasped as his hands found your torso, his fingers pressing a little too harshly into your flesh. 

Severus.

Memories of him suddenly flooded your mind like a reservoir breaking a dam, flushing out anything that didn't embody him. All the times Severus had attacked your supple flesh beautifully; pulling gorgeous moans from those pink lips of yours. Your brows furrowed together as your body silently yearned for his touch. It hurt.

You were stuck between stopping this and just shamelessly indulging in the dark, twisted fantasy of pretending that Ben was Severus. You were being so selfish. And yet, you didn't care, all of the emotional turmoil that you'd been through tonight was pushing you to the edge - all you wanted was the man who didn't love you, who only saw you as a quick fuck, maybe some midnight company. 

You shut your eyes again and tried your best to imagine him. With a sigh, you ran your hand up Ben's neck and into his hair, though it wasn't the same. You missed the way you'd tangle your fingers in his raven-black locks, gripping on it as he'd ravish your neck and breasts like some mad professional. Sighing frustratedly, you moved your hands down to his shoulders, expecting the rough, black fabric of Severus's robes, and yet you were met with the flimsy, thin fabric of Ben's white cotton t-shirt.

You felt so fucking pathetic.

Knock, knock.

You froze, eyes snapping open as quick as lightning. Was there someone at the door?

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Ben groaned drunkenly as he continued to kiss your neck. Unfortunately for him, the feeling had worn off the second you heard those knocks.

"The knocks at the door."

"You're.. imag-ining things, baby." Ben sighed and hiccuped once more, his uncomfortably hot breath on your neck made you shiver. At this point, Ben was much more drunk than you, and so with your remaining energy, you rolled him off of you. "Whoa- heey-!" He groaned as you slipped from underneath him, padding to the door. You didn't bother to check if he was alright, the only thing on your mind was who was at your door at this time of night.

Was it him? Did you want it to be him?

Reluctantly, you reached out your hand to open the door.

Nobody was there.

You frowned and leaned forwards, poking your head out to glance around. The corridor was empty, completely empty. That was incredibly weird, did you imagine those knocks? You sighed softly - perhaps you were a little disapppointed. Turning around, you shut the door, only to be faced with Ben sat sloppily in a chair with a face like thunder.

"Waitin' for someone?" He asked with a flat tone, his head lazily cocked to one side, still clearly drunk.

"What?"

"You know what I'm talkin' abou', Y/N." Ben said with the same tone, standing up, albeit unsteadily. You swallowed as he inched closer towards you, dragging his feet, your toes burying themselves against the hard wooden floor beneath your feet. "I know about the notes you kept. From him." He spat, pointing his finger at your face. Your heart instantly began to gallop; the pounding of its beats echoed in your ears like a harrowing scream in the night.

The notes...

"Excuse me?" You choked out, brows furrowing together in complete shock.

This was not how you wanted this to go down.

"I went through yer little drawers. In yer greenhouse," Ben scowled, his nose turning upwards in what you could only describe as disgust. "All of his little notes were perfectly preserved, and mine? Well-" Your mind was running so quickly that you could barely even listen to what he was saying - the fact that he went behind your back and invaded your privacy was the only thing sticking out to you as of right now. Your skin felt like it was on fire as the anger began to flood your veins.

"You went through my drawers, Ben?!" You yelled, shoving a finger in his face.

"That's the only thing you care abou'?! Not the fact that you secretly- obviously, have some sort of fucked up... thing for a man who treats people like they're the tiniest bit of shit on 'is shoe?!" Ben screamed back drunkenly as he bared his teeth, stomping towards you and smacking your finger away. "The fuck is wrong withya?"

You knew this could get ugly quite quickly, especially as Ben was drunk - a lot drunker than you. But at this moment, your anger was far too hot to even think about cooling things down.

You scoffed at him, your lips twitching upwards into a disgusted sneer. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Going through my stuff?!" You shouted at him, taking a step backwards as he began to get a little too close for comfort. "That's not okay, Ben!"

"How long has it been going on?" Ben asked, his tone suddenly calm. That put you on edge.

You paused for a moment, pondering on his question. It was probably best that you didn't answer that. "We're done here, Ben." You clenched your jaw, silently readying yourself for some sort of explosion.

"How long, Y/N?!" Ben yelled. The way the whites of his eyes were basically screaming at you made you feel terrified. In this current moment, there was only one pair of arms that you wish you were being held in. The man in front of you backed you up to the door, and you could only stare at him, for your wand was foolishly placed inside the pockets of your robes hung in your bedroom. Tears burned in your eyes as the guilt you'd tucked away was finally waking up and holding your body hostage with it's incredibly heavy weight. "Did you fuck 'im? Is that why ya never slept wit'me for months? Because you were too ...busy being his fucktoy?" Ben slurred, his face red and lips wet with saliva from how he'd been shouting.

"Shut up!" You cried at Ben as the tears began to break free from you and run down your cheeks like melting diamonds. This was so not the way you wanted this to go. "Please, just stop!" You were sobbing at this point as his words pierced your heart, quickly reminding you of what Severus truly thought of you.

"Oh, fuck sake, stop with the cryin'," Ben growled, drunkenly shoving a hand into your shoulder, sending you barreling backwards and into the door. You winced slightly as the bone of your shoulder blade made contact with the metal bar on your door. "Whiny bitch, yer the one in the wrong, not me!" He grumbled with a heavy sigh, turning away from you.

"Shit, Ben-" You gasped as you leaned forwards and pushed yourself off of the door, however, a sharp and excruciating pain shot across your shoulder as you tried to move it. "What the hell were you thinking?!" You whined, stumbling to the countertops of your kitchenette to lean on it. Your shoulder was fucking killing you.

"Me? What was I fuckin' thinkin'?!" A sarcastic, manic laugh fell from his lips and immediately you regretted your choice of words. The man spun on his heel, and suddenly he donned a wand in his hand. Now, you were scared for your life. "You're one to talk... you know what... I'm going to have you fired... yeah... blacklisted. From every job in this fuckin' area! That'll teach you to be a whore!" Ben screamed the last word so loudly that you were sure every sleeping student and teacher heard it. Your jaw ticked, and you had to look away, your face painted an embarrassed shade of scarlet.

Your heart dropped at his words. No way was this happening.

"You can't do that." You whispered, tears still streaming from your eyes as you stared at the ground.

"I work at the Ministry, darlin', anything is possible."

"Fuck you."

"What did you just say t'me?"

"Fuck you!" You cried out hoarsely with one hand on your shoulder and the other gripping the countertop. An animalistic like growl fell from your ex-boyfriend as he stormed towards you, fury burning bright in his eyes. He raised his wand, and you squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for some sort of spell to hit you.

"Stupefy!" A familiar voice commanded, the swish of a spell following it suit. Then, a loud thud.

Reluctantly, you opened your eyes to see Ben laying on the floor, unconscious in a pool of his own saliva. Your chest heaved with fear, and you were incredibly scared to look up to see who had come to your rescue. Frozen, you stood still in your place, though you could feel your knees beginning to buckle. Within seconds you were on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, your lungs on fire from how harshly you were breathing. Merlin, you could've just died.

uh oh.. who saved her?

i'm sorry if you weren't tagged, i went through the majority of my notes and tried to find you all!! pls forgive me :( there was a lot due to my absence <3

taglist:

@a-laufeyson

@emilynissangtr

@livillain00

@meowskii

@nooneeveryonenoone

@vesperbatty

@biggest-simp-eversposts

@881127fara

@freshmoneyalmondathlete

@sonoluvr22

@v3lv3tvampir3

@lashipperrubia

@camilla-black

@acakius

@hiddlestonspassionsackx

@tellatubbies

@mikariell95

@sunshinemink

@m0rtifiedg0th

@spookymicrowave

@sayonara30

@novas-dreamworld

@ms-snape

@captainrogers-19

@once-upon-an-imagine

@cj-ghostemoji-destielpie

@renirat

@0chemicalwaste0

@6kaja9

@guardiandear

@gloriousrebelrunaway

@ameliachastain

@setsuna-meiou31

@kateris-world

@unatempesta-dipensieri

@jspidey5

@lyrixsnape

@bbykens

@johnmurphys-sass

@rockymiles

@joshysloshy

@luckylightcosplay

@melmel-fandom

@whosiris

@yu-87

@chalkoutljnes-blog

@ameliachastain

@eatmyshortsz666

@alexisabirdie

@snifellus

@roxy366

@stainedglasscrystals

@sojantrouxao

@mariaeatsworms

@cheri-cheri-cherry

@lizziebitch33

@dreamybxnny

@h0n3y-l3m0n05

@daydreamer-and-booklover

@daemonwhitedove

@yoongjennie88

@aureum-lepus

@lolwey

@alanalanalanalanalanna

@dystopiaincognito

@rye-flower

[itmeansiris]

The Solar System Legacy Challenge: One thing at a time Gen 1 pt.69

The next day, with closed eyes, M groaned and turned to blindly search for her chiming phone. Without bothering to check who it was, she answered.

M: Hello?

Beckett: Sounds like you ate a frog. Are you really still in bed?

M: Bek? Ugh, What time is it?

Beckett: It's 12:30pm. That must have been some party?

Beckett had only been teasing, but to M it had been like pouring salt in a wound. It was enough to tear her from her half-sedated state. All the emotions from the previous night threatened to crush her.

M: Yeah, it was something. But what's up? I'm sure you didn't call to talk about my night.

She hurries the conversation along. Like the flip of a switch, his tone changed from playful to serious, something that was rare for her younger brother.

Beckett: Did you talk to mom yet?

M: No, I was going to talk to her today. I'm still not sure what to say.

Beckett: Well, I'll be in Brindelton Bay today. Maybe I'll stop by later and we can talk to her together.

M: You're coming to Brindelton Bay?

Beckett: Yeah I'm already on the train. My date is today.

M: Oh yeah. Geez Bek, sorry it must have slipped my mind.

Beckett: It's fine. Convincing Mom to move is a big deal, I'd imagine your mind would be reeling. She is so headstrong, it's not likely to be an easy conversation.

She was grateful Beckett had made his own assumptions about her memory lapse. She figured there was a good chance he hadn't seen the photos, considering he hadn't mentioned them. Yet.

M: You don't have to tell me. Look, you're going on your date today so let me handle the talk with Mom. I'll call you later to let you know how it went and to get details about your date.

Beckett laughed on the other end and M smiled. At that moment she missed her brother. His cheerful nature could make you look on the bright side, something she suspected he had inherited from their dad. Her love life may have been a mess at the moment, but sweet Beckett was brimming with excitement over this date and she was determined to be present.

Beckett had been in relationships before, but usually, it ended with his heart broken. The phrase "Nice guys finish last" was an accurate way to sum up his love life. It was good to see he hadn't given up or resorted to trying one of those cheesy dating shows, she'd gotten a call from recently.

Eager to escape her own depressing situation, she talked with Beckett a while longer probing him for information about his lady companion. She didn't find out much. He avoided her questions with lame comments about the sun in her hair and the light in her eyes. Beneath his playful banter was a real desire for privacy. M couldn't deny that her emotions were still at war. She recognized Beckett's behavior. The sweet yet protective approach he was taking reminded her of Kason. They spent so much time, in the beginning, trying to learn everything they could about each other, while trying to hide (from everyone else) the one thing they knew undoubtedly. The connection between them had been undeniable.

Kason had taken her on private dates and would come across the hall to her apartment, early mornings or late nights when she was working on a new book to check-in. Sometimes it was for simple things like bringing her the day missed mail or making sure she got fresh air every now and again. Other times it was to make sure she was eating, trying to talk her through a breakdown, or to make sure she was getting enough rest. There were nights she couldn't sleep unless he curled up in bed behind her and held her till she drifted off. By then she had already known she was madly in love with him.

Beckett: That's all you're getting from me. Oh and don't ever challenge her to a game of darts.

Beckett pulled her from her trip down memory lane.

M: Ha! How will I ever get the chance if you won't tell me anything about her?

Beckett: This will be our first official date. If, we are not counting the day we met. I just want to take it slow. When it is time to meet her, I think you’ll really like her though. She’s a book nerd like you, except cuter.

M: I say slow is a good thing, take your time. And a book nerd! Is that what you think of your big sister?! You wound me with your words!

They shared a laugh at her mock offense to his brotherly jab. It was cut short when there was a loud thud against the side of the house.

Beckett: What was that?

M: I'm not sure. But listen, don't worry about Mom, I'll talk to her, just have fun today. Okay?

Beckett: Okay. Thanks, Mercury, you're the best.

M: Would I be the best sister if I sent my little brother into the den of a lioness?

This time his laughter is untamed.

Beckett: Hope she doesn't turn you into lunch. Love you M.

She smiled to herself pleased to know their close sibling bond was still intact.

M: I love you too Beckett.

The line goes dead. She lies still for a moment afraid to break the feeble bubble of bliss Beckett had provided. Then she heard the thud again. She pushes herself up and out of bed and heads downstairs to investigate.

M: Hey Mom.

Spirit: Finally awake little planet. I didn't hear you come in last night.

M: Yeah it was pretty late. I went straight to bed. How was your night?

Spirit: Lively. I haven't built a pillow fort or lost so many games of "Don't wake the llama" since you and Beckett used to have sleepovers.

M: Glad you had a good night.

Spirit: Little Planet is something bothering you? Kason also seemed, off this morning. He's in the yard with Ishtar. Your son keeps hitting the baseball into the side of the house.

M: That's what that noise was. Uh.. yeah everything is fine.

She tried to reassure her mother, as she busied herself with fixing a cup of coffee but she knew her mother wouldn't be fooled by her weak smile, so she quickly changed the subject.

M: Are you making blueberry pie?

Spirit: Actually yes. It was Kason's idea. He said last night at the party they were only serving pumpkin pie and that you mentioned something about "killing for a slice of blueberry"

M: Oh he did, did he?

She looked out the kitchen window facing the yard. His back was to her, he was chasing a ball that Ishtar had hit into their small garden.

Spirit: Yup, and seeing how it's both of your favorite I figured let's make pie!

As she watched him try to secure the ball the anger she believed would burn through her when she laid eyes on him never so much as sparked. What had replaced it might have been far worse. She didn't know how to describe it. She felt all the familiar butterflies, and the need to be near him, but there was fear washed over them. Making the emotions feel foreign. Perhaps it was the fear that he wouldn't be the same person after last night. That somehow he'd changed overnight and didn't love her anymore or worse he would finally admit to sleeping with the blonde beauty and end her suffering. She never felt so distanced from him.

She turned away from the window as he finally pulled the ball from the dragon fruit plant and turned to face her direction. Venus walks into the kitchen to grab a snack at the same time.

Venus: MOM!

Venus ran to her mom. M lifted her into a tight hug and spun her playfully.

M: My big girl. How was the sleep over?

Venus: It was awesome! Nana helped us build a pillow fort and Tucker gave me one of his Voidcritter cards to keep. I'm gonna collect all the cards and be the best battler in school. Can you buy me the mega booster pack?

M beamed at her daughter's excitement.

M: That show that you and your brother have been watching after school everyday?

Venus: Yeah! They have Void critter battle stations in the schoolyard. Maybe we can get one too!

M: I'll take a look online today and see what I find.

Which Venus ultimately knew meant, Yes.

Venus: YES! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! Nana I put the movie on, hurry up okay!

She took her snack and bounced off into the living room.

Spirit: She reminds me of you at that age. She's always been a spirited one even when she was a toddler.

M: She lives up to her name, Dad would be proud. She's been hogging all your time I see. You spoil them.

Spirit: As do you and Kason.

M: No more than you and Dad did with us. Expensive telescopes, treehouses, and camping trips. Becketts capsule collection.

Spirit's smile made her look like her young adult self.

Spirit: Nonsense! Those were healthy hobbies. Besides it's my job as a grandmother to spoil them with love and attention.

M chose that moment to mention the move.

M: Actually mom, there was soemthing I wanted to talk to you about.

Spirt: What's on your mind?

M: Beckett and I have been talking and we were hoping you would consider moving to Brindelton Bay.

Spirit: Oh.

M: You could live here with us. Kason and I would love for you to stay and the kids have grown so dependent on your presence here. So have I.

Spirit: Slow down Little Planet. I love being in Brindelton Bay with you, Kason and my little stars. But move to Brindelton Bay? Leave Tomarang? What about the house?

M: I know it's a huge change, Mom. If you moved here we would get to see you all the time and you'd be closer to San Myshuno which means getting to see more of Beckett. The house you wouldn't need to worry about. You and Dad have owned that house since we were kids. Kason and I could pay the utilities and property taxes so you wouldn't have to sell it. It would be a home away from home.

Spirit: Mercury..

Her mother said warily. It made M nervous to hear her mother use her given name. It could mean she truly wasn't ready to leave Tomarang. Which was an outcome M had predicted.

M: Please Mom, before you say no, think about it. We just don't like you being out there all alone.

Spirit: I'm not alone. Micah comes by don't forget.

M could feel herself losing this battle, and made a last desperate offer to buy herself more time.

M: Can we compromise? How about you stay till Spring. Let Micah stay and finish his last semester of college there. Then in the spring, you can decide if you want to stay?

Finally, Spirit's expression softens.

Spirit: If you've gone to all this trouble it must mean a lot to you. I'll stay till Spring. Who knows what can change with the seasons.

M embraced her mother's strong frame. The familiar scent of sage and lemon still clung to her even though she hadn't been in her home garden in weeks.

M: To all of us Mom. We just want you to be happy.

Spirit: Thank you Little Planet. Tell Kason and your brother they don't need to worry.

M: You may get the chance to tell Beckett yourself. He's on the way to Brindelton Bay. He's meeting that girl from the cafe last week. I told him not to but he may stop by anyways. You know Bek.

Spirit: Good! We can share the news then.

The back door opens and Ishtar's voice floods in.

Ishtar: Did you see how far I hit it, Dad! Sorry about the Dragon fruit Plant, I can help replant it.

Kason: Don't worry about the bush buddy. I'd give up a cow plant to see you hit the ball like that again.

Finally, they entered, Ishtar was the first to come into view with Kason trailing closely behind him.

Ishar: Smells good in here. Hi mom.

M: It's Nana's blueberry pie.

Ishtar: Mom you should have seen us playing baseball. I got a hit, but then Dad had to climb through the garden to find the ball. Sorry about the garden Mom.

M: I did see! I'm so proud of you, and you heard your dad don't worry about the garden.

Ishtar: I'm going to get cleaned up. Will I get to have pie after?

Kason: All the pie you can eat. Go on, I can smell your big hit from here.

He heads upstairs with a giggle. Spirit picked up a fussy Zohreh.

Spirit: Come on Sunshine you can watch the movie with your sister and I.

Finally, alone he uttered a nervous greeting.

Kason: Hey.

M: Hi.

The sorrow in his voice shattered her heart and set fire to the fear that he didn't love her anymore. The overwhelming urge to embrace him flooded her mind. But before she can act on it, she's saved by the sound of her phone ringing for the second time that day.

M: Takara, Hi. Sorry I never called you back last night I was at a work thing with Kason.

Takara brushed past M's greeting.

Takara: I really wish you would have returned my call. Doesn't matter, can you come over now. There are things we need to talk about now!

To M it didn't sound like she had a choice. Takara was her agent sure, but she was also like a second mother to M. The only time she spoke to her so curtly was when something was wrong.

M: Sure. I'll be there within the hour.

Takara: Good. See you then.

She hung up without a goodbye.

Kason: Your going to meet Takara?

M: Yeah?

Kason: Good. You need to talk to her.

The intensity in his eyes clearly hinted at something, but she wasn't sure what and she didn't have the courage to ask.

M:(What can Takara do? What the hell is going on?)

She mulled over the thought as she got ready then called a cab to take her to Takara's office in Whiskerman's Wharf. She wouldn’t have to wait long to find out why she was summoned.

Previous Next

Beginning

Poses:

@starrysimsie on the line & My Iphone

@mel-bennett-deactivated20241007 Baseball poses and ACC

[invadergia]

This is part 2 of another story i have.

This story does happen after breakdown dies and shows knockout coping with it still.

Also I do not know all the cybertronian terms yet so sorry but I'm using some human terms.

And please forgive me if there are any spelling mistakes.

Part 1 Is here

@skylarkking @radio-wavelengths @myfictionalfables @duvet-detectives @starscreamhasdied

OPTIMUS PRIME X KNOCKOUT PART 2

----------NSFW------------

Knockout slowly pulled himself off of optimus's spike teasingly stroking it as he got up from his knees, his glossy finish now staind with fresh lubricant and energon.

Knockout slowly climbed onto optimus's chest pining him down as they shared a sweet kiss. Knockout snaking his servo down to prime's spike gently teasing the tip.

"You ready big boy?" Knockout said teasingly and optimus shuttered under his lovers touch. Optimus whined out a gruff breathy "yes" and knockout slowly sank him onto the prime's large spike.

Knockout moaned as he slowly began grinding himself onto the spike setting a slow pace for them both, optimus moaned as knockout grinded into him. Optimus looked up seeing Knockout's beautiful face as he road him. Optimus always loved seeing knockout squeeze his optics shut as he took his spike. The cute expressions he'd make, his groans of pleasure. Optimus could listen to him for hours if he could.

Optimus gently hold onto Knockout's sides. Optimus thrusting up onto Knockout's tight valve driving himself a little deeper with each thrust. Knockout leaned in close to Optimus's ear letting Optimus listen to his low breathy moans.

Knockout smiled as he began to grind into optimus's spike meeting his thrusts. Knockout began to move onto his side optimus following him as optimus was now gently pinning knockout to the bed.

Knockout smiled as he gently grabbed onto optimus's shoulder pulling him down closer to him as he grinded down on his spike. Optimus moaned as he felt knockout cycling down on his spike.

Knockout smiled as he began whispering into optimus's ear. "Oh, you like when I cycle down on you don't you prime?" Knockout giggled as optimus blushed telling Knockout everything he needed to know.

Optimus struggled to hold himself up, his legs trembling as Knockout cycled down hard on optimus's spike earnings him lovely groans and moans from his conjunx.

Hours had passed and knockout was enjoying seeing his conjunx a moaning trembling mess as he was nearing his 10th overload. Optimus couldn't think straight, his mind lost in pure bliss as he overloaded filling his clconjunx with his transfluid.

Knockout moaned as he and his conjunx overloaded enjoying the fullness he felt, but that happiness was short lived as knockout seen optimus was a mess barley able to stay awake as his body gave out and he crashed onto the bed pinning knockout underneath him. Knockout squirmed trying to get optimus off of him but he was stuck and it was painfully obvious that optimus's spike was still buried inside him, and knockout unable to satisfy himself on it.

Optimus slept for hours knockout got bored and followed him after only 15 minutes of waiting. Optimus was having his favorite dream him and knockout just got back from a movie night, knockout leading him to there bedroom and optimus got to work pleasing his conjunx.

Knockout awoke suddenly as optimus pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, knocked was going to ask optimus what he was doing only to have optimus began to thrust into him at a slow pace.

Knockout moaned out optimus's name as he tried to grind on his spike unable to move much, Knockout looked up seeing optimus's eye's were closed. Optimus was still asleep.

Optimus loved the feeling of his spike buried in Knockout's valve, he wanted nothing more than to please his conjunx. Optimus's smiles as knockout opened his chest revealing his nozzles. Knockout moaned of prime to go harder and optimus happily obliged, picking up Knockout's leg and putting it over his shoulder optimus began to thrust into him harder. Optimus leaned down gently taking one of Knockout's nozzles into his mouth teasing it with his tongue.

Knockout gasps as optimus sleepily lifted his leg up over his shoulder turning Knockout onto his side and beginning to thist into him hard, optimus leaning down to Knockout's chest gently licking at his chest plate. Knockout could see stars in his eyes each time optimus thrust into him, his spike hitting his ceiling node just right. Knockout looked at his internal clock it was 1:39 am prime started his shift at 9:00. Knockout knew he was in for a very long ride.

[cool-fancier]

Fading Echoes of Love

Synopsis: Bada continually let you down with broken promises, lies, and uncertain behaviour. You approached her, telling her that you were hurt and that you needed genuine change. Bada tried to change a little, but your scars remained. You gave her a chance after she expressed regret and commitment.

You had been let down by Bada in lots of ways before. It was a pattern of habits that over time was wearing down your patience and trust; it wasn't just one a single incident.

With unfulfilled commitments, it all started. She would make promises to support you, be there for you when you needed her, and make time for your relationship, but these promises were often broken. You would eagerly anticipate seeing her at important occasions, only to be let down when she abruptly cancelled or didn't show up, claiming work or other responsibilities.

Then there were the lies. Small ones at first, but they grew more significant and more frequent as time went on. When she was out with friends, she would claim to be stopped in traffic. Even when it was obvious that something wasn't right, she would reassure you. It became difficult to tell what was true and what was fake in her responses.

Her actions had become unexpected and erratic. She would show you affection, love, and attention one minute and make you feel like you were the centre of her world the next. The next, she would be distant, cold, and detached, leaving you to wonder what had gone wrong.

The fact that she was aware of how her actions affected you was possibly the most agonising part.  She noticed your tears, your disappointment, and the breakdown of your once-solid bond. She had apologized countless times, promising to change, but those promises always seemed to fade into empty words.

You had had enough of the emotional rollercoaster and the never-ending cycle of disappointment; you were worn out. Your heart ached, and the idea of any more meaningless excuses was intolerable. Real change, sincere effort, and a dedication to maintaining the connection were required. Action was required; more than simply words.

Bada's expression faltered, and she stared at you, her eyes wide with shock and hurt. In an attempt to react, she trembled and said, "Y/N, I... I didn't mean to..."

But you cut her off, the pain in your heart too overwhelming to bear any longer. "Bada, it's not about intentions anymore. It's about actions. It's about showing me, proving to me, that you're committed to us."

Your voice trembled as you continued, "I can't keep going through this cycle of hope and disappointment. It's tearing me apart, and I don't know how much more I can take. I love you so much, Bada, but I can't keep holding onto empty promises."

The weight of your words weighed heavily in the air, and there was silence. Bada's eyes were filled with tears as she realized the depth of your pain. She reached out to touch your hand, but you pulled away, the wounds still too fresh.

Bada's voice cracked as she finally spoke, "Y/N, I... I understand what you're saying, and I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. You deserve better, and I promise, I'll do whatever it takes to change."

You couldn't bring yourself to respond immediately. The pain and disappointment had left scars that would take time to heal. You knew that words alone wouldn't be enough to repair the shattered trust between you.

Days turned into weeks, and Bada began to show small, genuine efforts to change. She attended important events, kept her promises, and, most importantly, she showed up for you emotionally. It was a slow and painful process, but you could see that she was trying.

Despite the progress, the scars from the past still haunted you. Every time you looked at her, you remembered the pain you had felt when she had let you down repeatedly. The fear of being hurt again lingered like a shadow.

One evening, you and Bada were sitting on a bench in the park , Bada approached you with a sorrowful expression. "Y/N," she began, her voice trembling, "I know I've hurt you deeply, and I can't change the past. But I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, showing you that I'm committed to us."

You looked into her eyes, searching for any sign of lies, but all you found was sincerity and regret. It was time to make a decision since the importance of your decision was weighing heavy in the air.

You mumbled, "Bada, I want to believe you, and I want us to heal," with a heavy heart. But know that it won't be easy, and the scars may never fully fade"

Bada nodded, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'll spend the rest of my life trying to heal those scars, baby. I promise."

You couldn't help but question if you were doing the right thing as you walked away from Bada with tears flowing down your cheeks. You had been forced to this point by your past suffering, but now that you were faced with the prospect of living without her, it felt like an unbearable load.

Bada stood there, her eyes filled with an equal amount of regret and longing, her voice trembling as she whispered, "Y/N, please..."

However, you couldn't bear to hear her pleading. You had endured too much heartache, too many sleepless nights, and too many promises that were never kept. As you walked further away, the distance between you growing with every step, you whispered to yourself, "Don't apologise if you're just going to keep doing this. Apologize when you're actually going to change."

Both of you felt devastated and defeated after making the terrible choice. The love that had once burned so brightly had now been extinguished, and there was no turning back.

[kissorkill16]

I Trust Them,... Don't I?: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Trinity's having second thoughts about her friends.

That night, Trinity laid awake in bed.

She couldn't sleep, as she was too busy thinking about what Mr. Peterson said to her at the prison.

"Sounds like there's a nasty little traitor in your ranks. A real rat. I wonder which one."

But that couldn't be true, if anyone wanted to sabotage her and her friends, then she'd know. There's no way someone she knew could be the traitor, she trusted her friends...

But did she really?

She didn't want to think it, but it was just too much. She thought about all of the people who she thought could be the traitor.

Enzo.

He was a little bit of a scaredy cat, and she knew he was only helping her out because he had a crush on her, which Maritza missed no opportunity to make fun of her for it. He could be the traitor, but then again, he was so in love with Trinity, there's no way he would ever go against her wishes.

"I'm ready to help however I can, Trinity.", he said one time.

So it couldn't be Enzo.

Maritza.

Maritza, Trinity had other thoughts about. She didn't hear what happened to her and how she escaped the Crowfaces, and she did yell accusingly at Delroy when he said he was in the track team.

"Track team? That's how you outran supernatural freaks? You sure?!", she asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. Back off!", said Delroy.

It could be Maritza...

But what about the others?

Delroy.

Those crow dressed weirdos seemed faster than them, so there's no way being in the track team could help you outrun them. But if he was telling the truth, how come he wasn't fast enough when her, him and Nicky were trying to catch one of them in the woods?

Maybe it could be Delroy, but he's second to Maritza, so she didn't know.

Ivan.

He was just as much of a coward as Enzo, except he wasn't in love with her. He did have a secret meeting with Mr. Peterson that the gang still didn't know about yet, so maybe...

But then again...

"MR. MURTAUGH IS DEAD!", said Ivan as he threw the door open, his cheeks red and tears running down them. "THEY KILLED HIM, THEY KILLED HIM!"

What kind of traitor would get that upset over someone else's death?

Trinity knew that Ivan suspected Murtaugh for being Crowface just because he gave him a B+, but seeing him cry because he was dead now was enough to prove that he wasn't.

And enough evidence to prove that Ivan wasn't the traitor.

Trinity clutched the sides of her head, feeling frustrated.

She decided she needed some fresh air to help her relax, so she got up and opened the window. But as she did, she looked across from her to Nicky's window.

...Nicky.

She didn't know why she was thinking about it, Nicky told her more than once that he wanted nothing to do with this investigation, so there's no way he could be the traitor.

...But then she thought about what he said at the night of his mental breakdown, and when she went to his house to find him under the bed.

"You're all gonna die."

"You're going to die, all of you."

She pulled herself back into the window, remembering what Mr. Peterson said to her when she went to the prison a second time.

"Or maybe it's Nicky.", he said. "Does he want to come back yet? Back home? I miss my boy."

Trinity thought about it for a moment.

Nicky couldn't be in his right mind, since he was still pretty traumatized from his kidnapping.

But for Trinity, that wasn't enough to prove he was innocent.

Nicky could be working against her to sabotage her and her friends. For what? Because she invited Delroy into the group without telling him? Because of the newspaper article at school?

Doesn't he know there was literally nothing she could do about that?

She laid back down, thinking one last thing before she went to sleep.

"Mr. Peterson misses Nicky, so I'm gonna give him back to him.", she thought. "The only question is how?"

[m0onlight-nightmare]

I saw you needed something to write (relatable) so I present to you ✨️my idea✨️

okay so like mikey x reader (platonic, hurt/comfort) where the reader makes lots of jokes about their anxiety, depression, etc. and it gets mikey very concerned

then at some point reader has a breakdown because of their anxiety/depression/etc, and mikey gives reader comfort

I tried to make this general to allow for creativity, but here you go

BOOKIE THIA IS GONNA MAKE ME CRRRYYYY NOOOOO!! HOW DARE YOUUUUUU?!/j Besides that!! I will get right to writing your request! Here we go!

¡¡TRIGGER WARNING!!

《This fic. will contain talks about depression and self hate! If you are ever feeling these things or ever think this about yourself, please talk to someone! It doesn't have to be me but please take care of yourself!! ^3^》

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You frowned as you looked at your reflection. The thoughts that you despised threatened to rear their ugly head before someone called you.

"Y/n! We're back!"

"We also have pizza!"

You shook your head, seemingly to get rid of the thoughts before they appeared and plaster a smile on your face. Walking out of the bathroom, you found your brother's bantering in the kitchen. Letting the smile fall to something more manageable, you walked in.

"Y/n!! My bestie!!"

Mikey called out to you joyously. Sitting down beside him, you smiled at him softly. He was like your twin....So why couldn't you tell him how you felt...? You gently shook your head to rid the thoughts that plagued your mind and gave him a smaller smile. "Hey Mikey..."

He smiled brightly at you before handing you a piece of pizza. "Here ya go! Eat up sib sib.", he said afterwards. Leaning against him you sighed, "Man. My dumbself forgot it was pizza night. Guess it's on me, the joke!", you said with a slight giggle, kind of forgetting where you were as you let the horrid thoughts come back.

Felling eyes on you, you looked up and saw Mikey staring at you with a sad expression. You sat back up quickly and gave him a wobbly smile. "I'll be back, hon. Alright? Just goin to get something!", you say getting up, not letting him utter out a word as you jogged to your room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pulling your hair, your eyes darted around. 'Why would I say that?! Now Mikey probably knows!!', you thought as you squeezed your eyes shut. Trying to fight off your tears, you shook your head as the nasty thoughts came back.

'Why would you do that?'

".....n?..."

'He probably already knew and just didn't say anything...'

.....

'Probably cause he hates you! I know I do!'

".../n...!"

'You are worthless! Honestly, I don't see how they put up with you..'

"Y.../N...!?"

'It would be better if you never even!!-'

"Y/N!!"

Hearing his shout, you breathed in a sigh as the thoughts finally stopped. Feeling hands grab yours, you let go of your hair and opened your eyes in surprise.

"....mikey....?"

You say softly, finally letting the tears fall as you outright sobbed. Your face scrunched up as you pulled against his hands. "Let go Mikey! I'm not worth this! Let go!", you say as you yank and pull.

You're stopped short, however when you're pulled into his plastron. "...Why...why would you think that?...", Mikey asked as he hugged you tightly. "..I...I....I'm so sorry mike...", you sobbed out as you kept trying to pull away.

"...I think you're pretty worth it y/n.."

You're eyes watered as they widened, letting fresh tears fall as you hugged him back.

"There there, y/n...I've got you, sib..."

And that you did. You both sat there for what seemed like hours, as you sobbed and he held you, gently shushing you.

Wiping your eyes, you pulled back from the hug with a soft frown. "I'm sorry mike...", you said softly ad you sniffled. He smiled slightly. "Y/n, you've got nothing to apologize for!..And I get it...I hope you know your thoughts are wrong about you...but I promise I'll help you see yourself in a better light! Okay?", Mikey said as he pat your shoulder.

"Just don't run off like that again! Otherwise you'll have Doctor Delicate Touch to deal with!", Mikey said playfully as he sniffled with a pout. You stared at him with wide eyes for a moment before chuckling and shaking your head.

You tackled him in hug with a giggle. "Sure Mikey.", you said as you pulled back. Wiping your eyes with a sniffle, you looked to see him getting up off the floor. Reaching a hand out to you, he smiled. "How's about we go eat? I know I'm starving!", Mikey said with a teasing grin.

Taking his hand with a soft laugh, he pulled you up with ease. Wrapping an arm around your brother, you sighed with a smile. "Sure mike-star.", you say with a grin as you begin to pull him in the direction of your doorway.

Stopping as he stood still, you looked back to see him staring at you with a worried stare. "What's up Mike? Tell me, hon.", you asked as you turned fully to face him.

"Promise to tell me if those thoughts come back?...Please?", Mikey said as he slightly pleaded with you, having a soft pout. Smiling, you pulled him into a tight hug, like he did to you earlier.

"I promise Mikey. I promise"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

《Oh wow I hated that-》

《I hope I did Mikey justice! Never written for him before and I hope he's not to occ. *pokes fingers together nervously*》

《I seriously do hope you like this work! And if anyone wants another rottmnt writing, please go ahead and request it! I will try my best to deliver my best work! And as always, I hope you had a great day or night and hope to see you soon!》

[not-scared-of-microwaves]

The Tortured Poets Department Review

Now that I've sat with it for a few days, I actually have some coherent thoughts on TTPD, though I won't know where it falls in my overall rankings for a while.

Overall

The thing people aren't getting is that this is Taylor Swift. This is, quite honestly, one of the most quintessentially Taylor albums she's ever released. It has the lyricism of Folklore, the sensibilities of Evermore, the self-awareness of Reputation, the storytelling of Fearless, the specificity of Debut and Speak Now, the vagueness and metaphors of 1989, the synths of Midnights, the rawness of Red. It's American Gothic. It's fictional. It's nonfiction. It's confessional, it's scathing, it's cringe, it's clever, it's more than a little crazy.

She admitted things in this album you couldn't waterboard out of me. People say it's the most unlikeable she's been, but it's also the most human. She's not censoring herself to keep her likeability. That's brave.

Fortnight [feat. Post Malone]

Do I like it? Yes. Do I think it should have been the album opener and the lead single? No, probably not. I'm planning on doing a track by track breakdown later, so I'm not going to go in depth on the lyrics here, but there are some interesting metaphors. You can tell she thinks she's slaying the "I want to kill her" line, and while she is, I don't think she's serving as much as she thinks. A vibe. On my playlist but not on repeat. 7/10

The Tortured Poets Department

The title track. This should have been the opener and lead single. It makes a much better mission statement for what this album is than Fortnight does. Who's gonna hold you like Taylor Swift? No fucking body. The production is.... twinkly? for lack of a better word. She's being specific and metaphorical, making cultural references, and she's self-aware--this is Taylor Swift, people. A vibe. Not on repeat, but only because I have others I prefer, not because I don't love it. 9/10

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

It's a metaphor, it's tongue in cheek, it's self-aware, it's heartbreaking, it's a bop. She knows the relationship is toxic and killing her, but it wasn't always, and so she keeps holding on hoping it will go back to the way it started. At the end, she accepts that it won't be going back. Lyricism? Peak. Beat? Peak. On repeat. 10/10

Down Bad

Incredibly real and human. She's reflecting on the feelings of being love bombed then left behind, how it feels so good until it really, really doesn't. A call back to New Romantics. The lyrics say sob, the beat says dance. 10/10 on loop.

So Long London

A track five. Does it live up to the name? I'm not sure. It's sad, certainly, but it doesn't have the rawness of All Too Well or My Tears Ricochet. It's more resigned and tired. She's accepted that the relationship has fallen apart and now she's just tired, frustrated, and ready to be done. Even if she's sad, she still has some control, and that makes it a little easier. Drags on a little long for me, but the flip of "so long" is definitely clever, and she has some very relatable lyrics, and I see the purpose to it being on the album. 7/10.

But Daddy I Love Him

Love Story's older sibling. Again, I won't get too into it bc I want to do a breakdown. She's self-aware but it doesn't help because she's just desperate to make her own decisions. Calling out conservatives and small-town churches. Cringe in places but that's our girl. Minus a point for the baby lyric being in the chorus instead of like. the bridge. Half a point back bc you SHOULD have seen my face. 9.5/10.

Fresh Out The Slammer

This has some juicy information, but I'll save that for the breakdown. Very metaphorical, but also specific enough we know what's going on. Excellent story-telling. Really brings us into the headspace she was in at the time. I don't have it on repeat but through no fault of it's own. 10/10.

Florida!!! [feat. Florence and the Machine]

Flop. The drug metaphor isn't that creative and while there are a few decent lyrical moments, it's just not that good and the soundscape isn't interesting enough to redeem it. That said, even a bad taylor swift song is better than a lot of other artists. 5/10.

Guilty As Sin?

I don't think I've ever heard a song approaching this issue (emotional infidelity) in this way. It's got all the hallmarks of a Taylor Swift song: pop culture references, references to her past discography, religious symbolism, an outro that matches the intro. It's painfully honest, unapologetic, and human. A bop. 10/10.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?

Mad Woman and Mirrorball are shaking in their boots. It's giving horror, it's giving Salem Witch Trials, it's giving a reflection on fame and its effects. It's terrifying, it's haunting, it's beautiful, it's heartbreaking, it's unhinged. 10/10 doesn't feel like high enough.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

We're at the saloon and I'm happy to be there. Another song that is quintessentially Taylor: country sensibilities, religious themes, self-awareness, story telling, change in the outro, bad decisions made out of love. Not my favorite but only because I like other songs better, not because I don't like it. 9/10.

loml

This may be the saddest song she's ever written. Two meanings to "loml" as there should be. She's heartbroken and it's breaking me too. Vocals are giving "I'm on the verge of tears." Story telling, religious themes, metaphors. It's scathing, it's haunting, it's confessional. I'm not crying you are. 10/10.

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

Lyrics are giving heartbreak, sound is giving bop. So powerful and relatable. Excellent storytelling, and tells us so much about her headspace. We know exactly what she's talking about. It's giving Youre On Your Own Kid. 10/10.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

The storytelling, imagery, details--all peak Taylor. It's scathing, it's haunting, it's Taylor Fucking Swift. Wild to me that Mattie Healy's family listened to the album and were relieved because it could have been worse when this was in it. This, the take town of the century, could have been worse. Legendary. 10/10.

The Alchemy

If one more person tries to claim this is about Travis Kelsey there will be blood. "Oh but the football metaphor--" she's been doing that for years. Miss Americana, anyone? She's weirdly obsessed with high school football. This isn't about Travis, it's clearly about a rekindled relationship, not a new one. Travis can't spell "heroine" (I don't think he's stupid, but his tweets have proven he cannot spell). Metaphorical, clever, and definitely tells us her mindset. A bop. 9/10.

Clara Bow

This song. The Lucky One, Nothing New, they're both shaking in their boots. A reflection on what it's like to be a pop culture woman, the lies they tell you, and the promises they pull from you. Taylor saying her own name in a song. AND it's the album closer. 10/10 isn't nearly good enough.

Extended Album

The Black Dog

The storytelling, the way she took a single moment of stalking her ex and turned it into a beautiful lament on what it's like to lose someone and imagine what they're doing now, then in the outro brought it back to that one instant--and people say she can't write. Religious themes, references to past songs, this has it all. 10/10

imgonnagetyouback

Before people go around accusing her of copying Olivia Rodrigo, this would have been written before Get Him Back came out, so no copying occurred on anyone's part. They each took the concept and turned it into two very different songs. Imagery, story telling, craziness, a BRIDGE. 9/10.

The Albatross

Story telling, metaphors, literary references, clever turns of phrase, a change of meaning in the outro. Either a reflection on the way she's frequently depicted or is fictional, most likely a reflection on the way she's depicted through a fictional character. Just feels a little distant to me. 8/10

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Heartbreak, metaphors, bisexuals--what more can I ask for? All while she's imagining her ex moving on and thinking about how it fell apart. Objectively good but just not that interesting to me. 7/10

How Did It End?

Another that's objectively good but just not clicking for me. Story telling, metaphors, the lyricism is slaying. Asking how it ended through the lens of a gossip uninvolved in the relationship, but not being sure how it ended herself. 7/10.

So High School

Glitter gel pen. Objectively, not that creative or interesting. It's just a bit of fun. She's not taking herself seriously, she's writing silly song about how she feels like a silly teenager in love, and it does have some interesting lyrics. It's a bop. You know Travis heard this and was like "this is great babe I love it." Objectively, like a six, but this song has a choke hold on me for some fucking reason. 9/10.

I Hate It Here

Everyone's talking about the racists lyric and I swear reading comprehension is gone. Piss on the poor. This is for the girlies who daydream 'too much', who devoured books in middle school, who took things to seriously and too literally. 10/10.

thanK you aIMee

This song is so funny to me. "Here's thirty songs about my mental state and btw fuck Kim K." Serving metaphor, lyricism, and homicide. A mythology reference. A scathing takedown. 8/10 an icon.

I Look In People's Windows

I've not seen nearly enough people talking about this one. It's so relatable, honest, and unhinged. Storytelling, imagery, wondering what if. Heartbreak. I've never heard a song take this approach to these emotions. 9/10.

The Prophecy

The desperation, the feeling of hopelessness, they hit hard. She's reflecting on the repeating patterns of lost relationships, and how it feels inevitable at this point, and how she's willing to beg for it. She's losing hope, and willing to do just about anything to have it again. 10/10 devestating.

Cassandra

I am a mythology nerd at heart, so using Cassandra as a metaphor was a guaranteed way to get me obsessed with a song. She's serving lyricism, story telling, imagery, metaphor, mythology references, anger, sadness, what more could I ask for? Heart breaking. 10/10

Peter

Literature references, lyrics, heartbreak. Objectively, it's very good, but I'm bored. 7/10.

The Bolter

Storytelling, imagery, lyrics, literature references, the Bolter serves it all. I'm not entirely sure what it's about but it's a bop. I think it's fictional, but it's Taylor reflecting on her own life through the lens of this fictional girl. 9/10

Robin

I. Don't care. It's probably got great lyrics or something but I skip before I'm through the first verse because I'm just bored. Sonically, boring. Lyrically, the first verse doesn't redeem it. I've listened all the way through once and it was enough for me. It's not egregious, it's just not interesting. Flop. 4/10.

The Manuscript

I also skip this one but I have more of an appreciation for it than I do for Robin, just because of the subject matter. I have my theories on what it's about *cough* All Too Well Ten *Cough*. I like this as an album closer as well. French press lyric kills me. 7/10.

[half-oz-eddie]

Day 3: Past Trauma

Something random (and extremely personal) for @harringrovemovember

tw for psych ward/hospitalization/involuntary hold, suicide attempt, self harm, psychosis/brief psychotic disorder, hallucinations, medication

Billy and Steve were roommates in the psych ward. Billy had an episode of drug induced psychosis and a suicide attempt. Steve had alcohol induced psychosis at a party that caused hallucinations and paranoia.

Steve had been there for a few days longer than Billy, so he's freed from the constant observation first, and finally allowed to wear regular clothes and not the hideous hospital gowns anymore. When Billy was involuntarily admitted, he slept for 48 hours straight. Steve had done the same when he first got there, so he'd be sure to be considerate, quiet, and stopped eating in the room so the lights could be off as much as possible.

When the nurse would come in every 15 minutes to check on Billy, sometimes Steve would tell the nurse that Billy was crying and talking in his sleep.

When Billy finally woke up, Steve was on his way back from lunch with his coffee. They made eye contact. Steve stared, Billy glared.

"What?" Billy snapped.

"No-nothing. Welcome back. You've been sleeping for days."

"I don't remember anything."

"You should grab something to eat before lunch is over."

"Not hungry."

"Okay, get some Ensure from the nurse's station, then. If you don't put anything in your system, they'll keep you here longer."

Billy sighed and stood, sucking his teeth when he noticed the back of his gown was open.

"Here. Here." Steve handed him an extra gown. "Wear this one backwards so you're fully covered."

"Thanks." Billy grumbled. "What's your name?"

"Steve."

"I'm-"

"Billy. I know. I remember all the noise you made when you first got here. You cried so loud, I couldn't sleep."

"Sorry. I don't remember that."

"It's okay. I didn't remember much when I first got here either."

"Jesus. Are they wiping our memories or something?"

Steve snorted. It'd been awhile since he laughed. "No. Probably the psychosis."

"Oh. Is that what it was? Shit, that must be why they gave me that MRI, or whatever it was. They put me through a machine. I thought I dreamt that though, and—agh!" Billy held his head. "Fuckin' migraine."

"You need to eat. C'mon. Get something to eat. There're chicken sliders. They're actually pretty good. The coffee will keep you alert too."

Billy shrugged. "I guess."

When Billy's constant observation was over and done with, and he was no longer considered a harm to himself, he was excited for his mother to visit him and bring him some fresh clothes and food from outside.

When she didn't show, he had a terrible breakdown and started hearing voices, telling him he was never going to escape, and he should die. So Billy walked up to the nurse's station, being obnoxious and taking out all of his stress on everyone around him.

"Hey." He banged on the window. "Hello? I need my PRN. I'm hearing voices. Hey! Hey!"

Steve was doing his daily pacing the halls when he found Billy irritating the staff. "Billy, what are you doing?! You're gonna get in trouble again!"

"So? I want my fucking PRN. I'm hearing voices and I'm getting pissed off. My mom didn't show up or bring me my fucking clothes and-and I dunno. It triggered me or something."

Steve cocked his head, spotting the devastation in Billy's eyes. "Did you call her?"

"Yeah I fucking called! She didn't answer."

"I'm sorry. Maybe...something came up."

"Something came up." He darkly chuckled. "No, she just doesn't wanna see me." He turned back to the nurse's station, proceeding to bang on the glass. "P! R! N! Give me my fucking drugs or I'm going to kill myself! I'll do it!"

"Billy? Billy, stop. You can't say things like that."

"And why the hell not? They gonna put me in the psych ward?" Billy laughed.

Steve sighed, looking up as an irate nurse approached the window. "He's really distressed." Steve explained. "His mom didn't show up for her visit with him."

"Billy, do you need me to call the doctor?" The nurse asked.

"No. Just give me my meds so I can go lay back down."

The nurse gave Billy his medication, and he brushed past Steve, returning to their room.

Steve went to the laundry room to pick up his clothes, and brought them to their room.

He tossed Billy some shirts and sweatpants.

"We're really not supposed to keep food in our rooms, but my mom brought me a lot of snacks and the head nurse said I have to throw them away by tomorrow if I don't eat them. You want some?"

Billy slowly nodded.

Steve's eyes inadvertently fell on Billy's self harm scars when he reached out a hand for some candy.

"Do you...remember anything yet?"

"Not much. I remember wandering around for a long time. I remember...hearing a bunch of voices all at once. I remember calling 9-1-1 from an emergency box in some neighborhood. I remember crying in an ambulance and getting a couple of stitches. That's really all."

"I don't remember much either. One minute I was at a party with my girlfriend, the next, I was hearing this loud humming sound, and I was dizzy...I dunno. I just know she's not my girlfriend anymore. I don't remember what happened, or what I did, but she's not my girlfriend now. She hasn't accepted calls from me since I got here. Her parents called the hospital and had them order me to stop calling her."

"That's messed up." Billy responded with his mouth full. " What a bitch. She can get fucked."

"How long do you think you'll be here?" Steve asked, shifting the subject. "I'm ready to go home."

"Forever, probably. I'm batshit crazy and I don't have much of a home to go back to. I think it's what drove me over the edge."

"You're not crazy. Don't say that about yourself. Just cooperate, alright? Come out of your room more often, eat in the cafeteria, come to the group meetings..."

"Ugh." Billy threw himself back on the bed. "I don't want to. I'd rather just lay here and rot."

"You can't—"

Billy groaned. "There's 1 little fucking window here at the end of the hall. I can't go outside. I can't call my friends long distance because these shitty fucking phones only make local calls. I can't smoke—"

"Did you get a nicotine patch?"

"Yeah I got a fucking nicotine patch, but...I...I..."

"You what?" Steve leaned forward.

"I smoke for like...stress and anxiety. I don't know how to deal here."

"Come to the rec room. If you get there early enough, you can take over the radio. And, you can play some ping pong with me."

"Ping pong?" Billy snorted.

"C'mon. You gotta try, alright?"

"But..."

"Look. If you cooperate and get out of here with me, I'll treat you to lunch. Wherever you wanna eat."

"Yeah?" For the first time in weeks, there was hope in Billy's eyes.

Steve nodded certainly. "Promise."

"Uh...Thanks for the clothes." Billy scooted next to Steve. "And the snacks."

"Anytime."

[hopepetal]

Oh ho hooo hello hello hello! I see you are doing requests????

(I'll trade you, you do a request for me and I'll draw u something u ask me for)

Anyway I think you know who I'm going for

Scar!!! And uhhh reveal of some kind??? You pick. (I love reveals but I think you already know that anfjdjskak)

Hello there!! Here you go :D

Part two of this post!

--

Scar took panicked, gasping breaths as he leaned against his tree, the huge starter base he had built at the beginning of the season. His lungs ached from the strain of pulling in more and more air as Scar struggled to not have a breakdown, failing pretty badly if he was being perfectly honest.

He couldn't stop seeing it, even as he sank down against the tree and hugged his knees to his chest, sobbing loudly as he rocked back and forth. The zombies, not having been satisfied with taking his first world and first life, had snatched away his friend as well. And now he was alone again, because he hadn't been quick enough to defend Grian.

Scar remembered how they had just been jovially walking through the forest, talking and laughing and not keeping their guard up and it was all his fault. He clearly hadn't learnt his lesson from the zombie apocalypse, so now whatever higher power that was out there was punishing him–

And Grian. Grian hadn't deserved it, to be ripped apart by an undead thing. He hadn't even seen it coming, hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye before dying, dying just like everyone else Scar had ever cared for. Now he was gone and Scar would never get the chance to tell him everything he felt. He had always put it off because he had grown soft, had forgotten that time was limited and life was fleeting.

Scar wailed, tugging at his hair as he sobbed, his rocking growing more frantic. His entire body burned as he took in too much oxygen, the panic attack setting in and gripping his chest in a vice. Images of Grian flashed in his mind, sending fresh waves of grief through him. So wrapped up in his sobbing panic, Scar didn't hear his name being called until the person was right next to him.

Scar reacted instinctively, reaching for his gun sword, pulling it out as he swept the legs out from under the person zombie, putting his sword to their throat. Panting heavily, Scar faintly wondered why he hadn't gone for the kill immediately when his vision came back into focus.

“Woah, woah, Scar!” Grian, a dead man walking, was staring up at him with a slight look of concern. Not fear, like he wasn't afraid of dying with a sword at his throat.

Scar's hands trembled as he stumbled back, eyes wide. “You,” he choked out, “how are you alive? How–” He quickly examined Grian, noting the lack of wounds. “You died. You were killed by the– by the–”

Grian slowly sat up, making no move to stand. He looked very confused, but there was a gentle understanding in his eyes. “Scar, this is Hermitcraft. We die all the time here. You die all the time here. I'm perfectly fine, see?” He patted himself down with a kind smile. “No injuries. Just a wounded pride.”

Scar hesitated for a moment, before it all came crashing back. Hermitcraft. Safety, sanctuary, freedom. Living, even after death. His cheeks coloured a bright red from embarrassment as he plopped back down on the grass, letting out a soft huff. “Oh, oh gosh. Grian, I'm so sorry, I don't know...” That was a lie. He knew exactly what happened, exactly why he freaked out.

Grian stood up, moving to sit next to him. “Yeah,” he murmured, “this stuff happens, Scar. You don't need to tell me anything– we all know the rule about backgrounds here. Don't ask, don't pry, everyone has their secrets. But I just want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what.”

Scar paused. He knew Grian wasn't expecting anything. When he spoke next, it was a surprise even to him. “I was in a zombie apocalypse.”

Grian looked over at him sharply, expression turning into a mixture of concern and fear. “What?”

Now that he had started, Scar couldn't stop himself from rambling. “You know hardcore worlds? Those really scary ones– like the life series, you know? Except it was only one life, and, well–” he chuckled bitterly, shaking his head– “it was the zombie apocalypse.”

Grian listened in silence. He was clearly horrified as Scar went on about how he had fought tooth and nail to survive, scrounging for food and resources, all alone in that desolate world. At one point, when Scar's breathing hitched and his shoulders started to shake, Grian put a wing around him, helping to ground the vex next to him.

“–and then the zombies... there were too many. It just. It got to the point where me and my gun weren't enough. And, well. I took my last stand there.” Scar's eyes shone with tears. “I died there. And a part of me died with it.”

Grian recalled how Scar had famously not spoken for the longest time, only first talking to him in a voice that was raspy from disuse and absolutely beautiful. “...oh, Scar,” he murmured, selfish tears of his own beginning to fall. “Can I touch you?” Upon receiving a short nod, Grian reached out and cupped Scar's face, turning his head so their eyes met. “Thank you. Thank you so much for trusting me with this, I–” his voice trembled as he spoke, though he tried his best to keep his words steady and calm. “I'm so sorry.”

Scar shook his head, tears beginning to stream down his face. “It's– it's okay, Gri, it's all over now and–” He started crying in earnest, unable to speak through sobs.

Grian pulled Scar into a hug, wrapping his wings around his friend. “It's okay. Let it all out. I'm here for you.” Holding rightly to Scar, he murmured the two most comforting words he could. “We're alive.”

Scar wailed, holding onto Grian like he would a lifeline. “I– I–!” he gasped out, scrambling for the words he so desperately needed to say.

Grian just held him, crying himself. “It's okay. You're okay, Scar. You don't need to force yourself to talk.”

Scar shook his head, hands curling into fists to tug on Grian's jumper. “I–” he tried again, sobbing in frustration as he once again stuttered to a halt. “I– I love you!” he finally got out, and the weight on his chest was relieved. “I love you so much,” he sobbed out.

Grian let out a soft sound of surprise, before smiling through his tears. “I love you too,” he whispered, “gosh, Scar, I love you so much.”

“Thank you,” Scar sobbed, burying his face in Grian's chest. “Thank you...”

The two sat there for a long time in each other's arms, as night slowly turned to day. Eventually, the sobs died down, and Grian felt Scar relaxing and slowly falling asleep. He had exhausted himself with all the crying, and Grian smiled wearily as he gently maneuvered Scar onto his lap. Stroking the man's long brown hair, Grian watched the sunset rise.

Later, they would talk more. But for now, all they needed was rest.

[lancerious]

Blab about Lancer

Ah yes, always a grand idea :D!

I'm gonna try and keep what I say here reasonably fresh as I don't feel like repeating what I've said about the bounciest boi in the past, though if anyone wants me to repeat myself lemme know because I'll definitely do it hehe :>.

I just wanna gush about Rouxls Kaard in terms of Lancer for a bit, firstly because I haven't done this much to begin with, and secondly because I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THESE TWO. Rouxls I don't care how much you complain about Lancer it's obvious you care for the kid's well being and you SHOULD because said kid is a pure precious cinnamon roll who couldn't hurt a mosquito. Every time I see fanart depicting Rouxls as being a parental guardian of sorts for Lancer it makes me melt because it's so PRECIOUS, honestly keeping an eye on Lancer is one of the only things Rouxls Kaard is good--or at least decent--at. And you can't tell me the "Lesser Dad" nickname isn't adorable, if you don't find that adorable then you have issues. I don't know if I've ever brought up this "surrogate guardian" sort of thing going on between these characters but I am now! 10/10, both Rouxls Kaard & Lancer are too beloved for this world, 'nuff said. (<- I still prefer Spade King as an overall parent/guardian don't worry lol.)

Speaking of Spade King though, I really like the situation he & Lancer are currently in father/son relationship-wise. It is pretty depressing at the moment, but that's honestly what makes it work. I love seeing new family dynamics in Deltarune, something fresh y'know? It's an entirely different scenario with more recent characters. I know how beloved the Dreemurr family are in the UT/DR community, and they're amazing characters for sure, but I really prefer Spade King & Lancer's dynamic. It feels more REAL. The events themselves aren't that realistic ofc, but the emotions & reactions both sides have feel more reasonable. I'm not sure if this is even making sense and I'm going on a tangent anyway.

But yeah, back to Spade King & Lancer. I love how we're actively going to SEE both characters (hopefully) work out their differences and begin to mend that relationship. And we also will likely see how each side's current situation affects them, likely in more ways than one. Sure, both Lancer & Spade King are mostly hiding such things behind a facade, but you KNOW it's there. And THAT is what makes it so impactful. You know both characters are going through such inner turmoil, especially Lancer. His father literally hates the only friends he's ever had, and that puts poor ol' Lancer smack in the middle of everything. It's like that feeling you get when two close friends are fighting and you're the mutual third party, but multiplied SO many times. Honestly, I've said it before, and I will say it again; a breakdown of SOME sort HAS to happen to Lancer at some point. I doubt Spade King will have such a moment because Spade King, but he'll still feel it inwardly I'm sure. There is no feasible way a literal CHILD can carry on the burden of so much without crumbling under the pressure.

Which brings me to something that I admittedly have mentioned before, but I just have to bring it up again. Lancer has gone through SO MUCH for a child his age. It's doesn't matter what age you headcannon Lancer as: What he has and is currently going through are things NO child should experience, EVER. I'm not even talking about only the Spade King situation anymore, I'm talking about EVERYTHING. What makes all Lancer has been through that much worse is the fact of him being AWARE of it all. He's not oblivious, and he's not clueless either. He's ASTONISHINGLY observant, ESPECIALLY for his age. I would even argue Lancer is one of the most observant Deltarune characters so far, even if he never announces it. He certainly hints at it here and there, like when he told Kris, Susie, & Ralsei that the other Darkners aren't major fans of him.

This entire thing makes me think of a line Lancer said during his battle alongside Susie with Kris & Ralsei. The first time you, as the player, tell Ralsei to "give the final blow of kindness" to Lancer, Susie blocks it off so Lancer can't hear. And Lancer says he's "blissfully ignorant". Call me crazy, but I don't think that specific phrase was an accident. Of course, Deltarune is only a game after all, so it was Toby Fox who put that line in. But if we think about this through the perspective of Lancer himself, I see him stating what he WISHES he was. He WISHES he was "blissfully ignorant" from everything around him: knowing the fact of the other Darkners not liking him to dealing with an impossibly complex parenting situation and everything in between.

See, I think there's a very unique tragedy with Lancer. One that most characters Toby Fox has created haven't been able to replicate. Think of Asriel from Undertale for a minute. Asriel had loving PARENTS, plural, and he even got a sibling in the form of Chara for a time. Asriel's entire family was well-respected and loved by the other monsters, and for the longest time, Asriel didn't have a lot of burdens to bear. It was only at the short time leading up to & including his own DEATH, & what came after, where things started to go downhill. Asriel essentially had it all while he was alive, then lost it upon death.

And now, think of Lancer. I would say Lancer is the exact opposite of Asriel in this way. First, Lancer's family is a crumbled mess. He barely knows his mother--Queen--has a biological father in the form of Spade King, who was (and certainly is) likely not a perfect parent, and that really only leaves Rouxls Kaard as a somewhat decent parental guardian. Already, we see a major difference. And once we broaden our view and see both kingdoms with their citizens, well, Asriel and Lancer could not possibly be more opposite. There was not ONE Darkner Lancer felt appreciated by, save for those above him in power & position, which is really only Spade King (ignoring the other Kings when they ruled). The ONLY time Lancer felt genuine connection with others was the day Kris & Susie first appeared in the Dark World. That is IT. Generally, in terms of how his current life has been so far, Lancer's is far from ideal. Hence, Lancer & Asriel are opposites in this case.

I think I've run out of things to say as far as this post goes lol, and it's already preeetty long. Though, let's end this post on a high note! Lancer has actual friends now, friends who will stand by for whatever support he may need. Heck, if Kris, Ralsei, & Susie--especially Susie--were all willing to respect Lancer's wishes and attempt to resolve everything peacefully with Spade King in Chapter 1, who KNOWS what's to come in future chapters! I for one can't wait to see where Lancer's story goes :)!

Anyway have a random Lancer fanart image :>.

[dominickeating-source]

Cult Times - Issue 77 (2001)

Reeding Between the Lines 

Enterprise star Dominic Keating unzips his flight suit and slips into something more comfortable to chat about his role as Lieutenant Malcolm Reed in Star Trek's new, exciting fifth series!

The year is 2151 some while before James T. boldly went where no man had and a few bright, inquisitive souls are paving the way for he illustrious Captain Kirk aboard their very own Enterprise. British-to-the-core actor Dominic Keating is one of the intrepid crew members striking off for stars unknown in Paramount's latest addition to the Star Trek universe.

"When I first read the breakdown for the part of Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, I thought I wouldn't be in with much of a chance," he begins. "Malcolm was written as a very buttoned down, by-the-book, tight-arsed Englishman and personally I'm not like that at all." Certainly when we speak, Keating couldn't appear further from the quintessential stiff-upper-lipped fusspot he portrays. It's American Thanksgiving and he is bursting full of the joys of the season. As well as shouting advice to his girlfriend on the best way to baste a turkey, laughing uproariously when she yells back what he can do with his instructions, at the same time he's bawling out an apology to a friend who turns up unexpectedly to invite him to trek to the infamous Hollywood sign for a bit of fresh air. "I can't, love! I have to do the veggies and talk to this nice woman from the UK. They want to hear about the show. It's very exciting."

Clearly delighted that the series is generating as much interest in his homeland as it has in his adopted land, Keating reins in his excitement enough to explain, "Given that it's an American television show, the producers had quite a strong picture of a certain type of Englishman in mind, which is why I first thought that perhaps it wasn't really my bag. I do come from 'that sort' of background and had the classic kind of public schooling but I've never wanted to be seen in that stereotypical sort of way. I was pleasantly surprised when the word came back after the first audition that I was the only guy in the frame for the role. I think they felt that because Enterprise is set in the next century they probably wanted someone a bit looser that the stereotype but with enough of that public school image still evident. I've been in the States for years but I guess that persona has stayed with me." He laughs. "It's like being Catholic. You never lose it. However, almost everything else is a real acting challenge for me."

Sarcastically, he adds, "Take this shyness with women for instance. When I read that in the breakdown, I went, Aw, s**t. I'll walk through this one then. Even my girlfriend would agree that I am at my most relaxed around the female contingent in this galaxy. Then there's the munitions thing. Malcolm is supposed to be obsessed with weaponry, but that's not me at all. Truth be known, when I was 17-amd-a-half I was considering joining the Army. My mother's side of the family is army and my grandfather fought in two World Wars; would have been knighted but he didn't get on with King George and got the OBE for his services instead. I was even an under-officer in the cadet force at school and was part of a special force called 'Tactics', so I know quite a lot about the military background from which Malcolm stems. But now, in later life, I've never fired anything other than the weapons I use in Enterprise." Bursting into laughter again, he splutters, "I get asked all these questions about guns and other weapons at conventions and all I can do is look at the fans and shrug. "Look! They're grey! What can I tell you? I have absolutely no idea."

Pretending to hang his head in shame, Keating does admit that he shares some of Lt. Reed's character traits. "I am a bit of a neat freak! Always have been. No amount of therapy seems to be able to correct the balance that is so very in keeping." Reverting to hushed tones, he whispers, "I don't like to use the words anally retentive but some ex-girlfriends might," before yelling out, "Don't print that or I'll kill you." Oops.

Keating also feels that his BA (Hons) Degree in History "came in handy because I knew how to effectively undertake the research for the character. One thing that I am always grateful for," he confides, "is my good education. I really have to thank my mother and father for giving me that. They really sacrificed a lot to make sure that I got properly schooled and I'm always indebted. As an actor, the one thing you can't learn at drama school is the years of training to make your mind work in an academic way."

Changing topics for a moment, the mercurial Mr. Keating expounds, "London was fantastic during my university years. I adored my three years as a student. I was on full maintenance grant because my father had passed away and it gave me the freedom to know the city. I ended up living in London after uni and eventually became an actor there. I still have an apartment in the Portobello Road."

Keen to go wherever the work takes him, Keating has lived all over the place, loving every minute of the nomadic life. "I spent quite some time in Vancouver and have a great relationship with that place. I went up there originally to do Poltergeist: The Legacy and liked the place so much I lived there for a little bit. The funny thing about Vancouver is that you've got to live in Los Angeles to get cast in shows in Vancouver. It's a weird conundrum. When you go for a job they'll be like, 'Oh, you're a local actor? no, we're not interested'. Then they cast in LA. So I went back there and was immediately sent back up to Canada to do The Immortal."

Just a wee bit sad to be leaving the role of malevolent madman Mallos, Keating smiles. "We shot off to Prague to film two episodes of The Immortal and it was crazy. I had my own castle, got to wear all the medieval gear and got to throw peasants to wild boar. Real ones." Wickedly insisting that no mammals were harmed during the making of the episodes, Keating goes on to say, "Actually I had a wonderful end of last year. I went to Eastern Europe with The Immortal and spent some time in Spain making 13 episodes of a show called Chromium Blue.com." In keeping with the actor's irreverent approach to life, Keating exclaims, "It's Zalman King's new gig and I play a bisexual ghost. I have no idea what the show is going to look like but it has real elements of Zalman erotica thrown in with some of the zaniest, most bizarre comedy sketches you've ever seen. Ian Abercrombie (Seinfeld) and I were cast together as Sir George, the gay butler and his dead ex-lover, the bisexual ghost. It was hilarious. We camped up a storm." Waving his wrist about, Keating lisps, "By the time I got back to LA it was pilot season again and I thought, 'Oh God! I've got to put my little black dress on and trawl around the networks.' Thankfully, along came Enterprise and put paid to all that."

Manfully accepting remarks that he might not get offered fey parts if he dressed in something other than a little black dress, the actor reels off yet another example of his effeminate experiences. "I did a play up in Edinburgh with a fantastic actor named Tim Spall. It was a comedy called Screamers and I played this apprentice who got a job at the Cut and Cum Again salon. Tim played the chief charge hand who was this deeply unattractive character with the responsibility for taking me in hand, so to speak. We had a whale of a time."

Unperturbed by the fact that he has played a few such characters, Keating is highly amused by reports that Malcolm Reed might be the first gay in Space: "I read that in the TV Guide." With superb comic timing, he chortles. "I was in the supermarket and there we all were in the front cover, so I picked it up to read and inside it said something like 'Dominic Keating, turn to page 56, who reportedly is going to be the first gay character in Star Trek.' I thought, What? I rang Brannon Braga (executive producer), who told me not to believe everything I read in print.

Very sound advice indeed! Now, about this Enterprise show. Can we believe all we read about it being the greatest thing since sliced bread? "Absolutely!" announces the actor. "You just know when something is going to work. Right from the read-through, there was a simpatico and an understanding and a generosity that has not always been apparent in some jobs I've had in the past. Scott Bakula is such a trouper. He sets the tone and makes us all feel valued and very happy. I shouldn't say this but I also have a sneaking suspicion the Rick Berman and Brannon Braga, the two executive producers, are actually extremely well-paid full-on Trekkies. They have to be. They put so much dedication and enthusiasm into this show. They don't have to do it for the money so I truly believe they love the genre and the show they make, which is why Enterprise makes such good television. I've been watching the show religiously since it started because I need to get educated. John Gielgud used to say, 'Know the style of the thing that you're in and act accordingly'. It's very important to me."

As far as the episodes are concerned, Keating has a couple of favourites. "Given the initial brief, I never thought for a moment that Malcolm would turn into an action hero, but it seems to be looking that way and I love it, although we've just finished an episode entitled The Raptor which was great, except I got the you-know-what kicked out of me by a Klingon woman."

The episode that's really dear to his heart is a 'two-hander' currently called Shuttlepod One. "I get the feeling that this is going to be the one I look back on years from now with pride and amazement. It's basically 50 pages of Connor Trinneer and me in a shuttlepod with 10 hours of air left to breathe. The script is extraordinary and it will be the first time in my acting career, in front of a camera that is, where I get to do some no-holds-barred, playing from the hip, straight talking, intense acting."

Shuttlepod One comes midway through Enterprise's first season, so we'll certainly have a while to wait as the show only started airing on Sky 1 in January. In the meantime, our beloved Mr. Keating was planning to make a triumphant return to the UK in late December. "We're coming on a press junket and I have to admit I makes my tummy go funny to think about it. One of the reasons I came to America was because I always dreamt of coming back home as part of a hugely successful television show. Returning in Enterprise is like my dream come true."

Source: www.dominickeating.com

[bambirex]

Not really a shipping thing but Mercedes comforting Santana after being outed?

I'm still tagging this as Sancedes, so it would be easier to find in the tags!

Warnings: homophobia, outing, internalized homophobia

**

As hard as Santana tried to keep it together, she still couldn't fool Mercedes. No amount of shrugging and "it is what it is" could convince Mercedes that Santana was alright. Because beneath that facade, she saw the pain. She saw it lingering in Santana's eyes, heard it in her voice, choked under all the layers of nonchalance.

And then, during rehearsal, it all came to a blow. All the pain and hurt that Santana carefully hid within herself, rose to the surface. She was falling apart, every single line she sang was just another cry for help. Mercedes watched her carefully, all too ready to step in and cover for her if she needed. She sent her encouraging looks, trying to silently communicate it to Santana that she had her back.

Then came the argument between Santana and Finn, then the slap, and Santana running out of the auditorium in tears. Mercedes immediately snapped back into reality after her shock, and ran after her.

She caught Santana in the empty hallway, leaning against her locker and sobbing. Mercedes approached her carefully. She didn't want to ambush her, especially after such a breakdown.

"Santana," she spoke to her quietly, reaching out one hand slowly. She didn't touch Santana, not yet. She waited for her to take her hand if she wanted. Santana shook her head, refusing to look at Mercedes.

"I don't wanna talk to anyone," she snifled. She wiped at her eyes, smearing her mascara in the process. "Please, just go away."

"Fine, we won't talk," Mercedes promised. She dropped her hand. "But I won't leave you alone like this."

She half expected Santana to cuss her out or shove her out of the way. She didn't expect to find herself with her arms full of a sobbing, trembling Santana who held onto her like a lifeline, her previous tough facade forgotten as the grief of the situation exploded. Mercedes wrapped her arms around her, letting Santana cry into her shoulder.

Mercedes didn't know how long they were standing there, embracing, with her gently caressing Santana's hair and shushing her.

Santana's face was a mess of tears as she pulled back. She released a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "now you're covered in my snot. It's gross as hell."

"It's fine," Mercedes chuckled softly. She reached into the pocket of her dress, fishing a tissue out. Santana took it with a grateful smile.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk?" Mercedes asked softly. "You can tell me anything."

"I don't know what to say," Santana admitted. She fiddled with the tissue, her eyes welling up with fresh tears. "It's humiliating."

"You didn't deserve this," Mercedes told her. She reached for Santana's hand again, and this time, Santana took it. "You deserved to do this on your own terms. Look, Santana, I'm not gonna lie, I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. But I know that this was an awful thing to do, and I just want you to know that you have me, no matter what."

"It makes me feel wrong," Santana sighed. Anger flashed in her eyes. "I thought I managed to accept myself, I was so happy with Brittany, and then someone comes in and tells me that Sue was wrong for choosing me as head cheerleader because I'm gay. Like, what does that say about me?"

"It says nothing about you, but it says everything about that guy who made that video; they're a piece of shit."

Santana's eyes widened in disbelief. Mercedes shrugged with a cheeky smile.

"What, you thought I can't swear? I have more in my bag, girl, and I'm more than ready to unleash it upon anyone who hurts my friends."

She gave Santana's hand a squeeze.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Mercedes said earnestly. "You are great the way you are. I know that, Brittany knows that, and the rest of your friends know that, too. I'm sure Finn does, too, he just needs a good slap to realize when he's being stupid. Which you provided pretty nicely, I have to say."

Mercedes smiled triumphantly when Santana finally laughed. It sounded heavenly after having to listen to her broken, pained sobs.

"I love you, Santana," Mercedes smiled. She let go of Santana's hands to pull her into a hug instead. Santana clung onto her, burrowing into the warmth and comfort Mercedes could offer.

"I never would have thought I'd say this one day, but I do. And I'll be here for you, whenever you need me."

"Thank you," Santana whispered. Mercedes hugged her tighter, making sure that Santana really understood that she wasn't going anywhere.

[nekokat14]

Sorry, but does anyone even realize how horrifying this was to Phoenix??? (this dialogue was lifted from the anime)

I want to go in depth about this scene and how it tells us about Phoenix and his mental state...

ANALYSIS BELOW ⬇️

We have just established that Phoenix has a massive savior complex and a guilt complex. He constantly berates himself for not being able to work at his full ability despite falling off a burning bridge into frigid water 2 days prior. He literally could not get out of his bed until 1 day later, and that was while nursing a near-lethal fever and not having the strength to stand for a long period of time!!!

We know that Dahlia, when she wasn't Iris, was definitely emotionally abusive to Phoenix. She had a whole monologue telling him how useless and worthless he was, and how he could never be trusted to "care for a lady". While this happens, he just sits there and takes it, hinting that this may have happened before. Iris couldn't have played Dahlia ALL the time!

Phoenix clearly harbors (unneeded) guilt surrounding Mia's death, and feels inadequate as a person and caregiver to Maya because of that. He was very, very distraught when he found out about Maya's predicament, so much so that he abandoned all reason and attempted a hail-mary sprint across the burning bridge.

Godot knows (at least some of) this. He picks on Phoenix directly where he knows it will hurt him most.

He projects all his insecurity about Mia's death onto Phoenix, yes, obviously. That may be clear to Godot, but... These words obviously have a different and more harrowing effect on Phoenix.

Referring to Dahila's previous breakdown, you can draw direct parallels between what she says about Feenie and what Godot says about Phoenix. It gets so distinctive that they use the same descriptors at times!

Please keep in mind that Dahila's words have always stuck with Phoenix. He has directly berated himself using the same words Dahlia did.

So now, during this case, where Iris and therefore Dahlia are FRESH in his mind, where he already is scared for Maya's life, where his immune system and brain capacity have taken a huge hit, how do you think Godot's monologue would have affected him?

Godot, whether he knew it or not, parroted Phoenix's crazy abusive ex's worst insults (and by extension, Phoenix's worst insecurites) directly back to him during an already extremely trying time for him.

One of his biggest fears is causing/not preventing Maya's death. He is already drowning in guilt. Pray tell, how exactly would he react to a complete stranger reaffirming his worst fears and notions about himself??

I'll tell you how!

He'll internalize it. He won't speak to anyone about it. He will fully believe that Godot (and by extention Dahlia) were completely correct about him. We all know how CAGEY Phoenix is, you couldn't get him to talk about any personal matters unless you held a metaphorical gun to his head.

He will drown in this guilt, these feelings of inadequacy and fear, and he will STEW and ROT with them during his disbarrment as well.

And nobody will know the wiser. Because he thinks he deserves it.

(sorry for the long post, and if it's incomprehensible, i'm very sorry. am I missing anything?)

Godot NO!!! Stop projecting ur self hatred onto him he’s gonna internalize it and then never mention it to anyone ever again!!!