#i'm finishing this one bit tonight no matter what and then read over and post tmr

[steddieas-shegoes]

i'm glad i get forever to see where you end

check all tags on and read if you prefer on ao3

rated e, minors dni

happy birthday to my wife in all but law, @messessentialist. this whole idea came out of nowhere and then just kept growing and growing, much like my love for you. anytime you're ready to live our rv life dreams, i'm ready.

i'm not gonna post any links here, but just know i had 8 tabs open of different fish and birds that can be seen in and around indiana lakes. i didn't have a particular lake in mind, but there are plenty to choose from so if it matters to you, i mostly looked at lakes in the northeast and northwest area of indiana.

title is lyrics from forever by noah kahan, which is a song you should absolutely listen to if you haven't before.

this work is for sadie. if she is the only one who reads this, then that's all that matters to me.

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🎣🎣🎣🎣🎣

He stares down at the paper in his hands. He thought he’d feel relief, maybe a tiny bit of happiness that he’d never admit to. He even considered that he might feel a small speck of sadness the day his brother died.

But all Wayne Munson feels right now is disbelief and anger, and he doesn’t know where to hide it before Eddie gets home.

“God damn idiot. Couldn’t even have the decency to die of old age. Had to go and get killed behind bars,” Wayne mutters under his breath as he folds the paper and slips it back into the envelope, hoping that keeping it out of sight might help him come to terms with the emotions flooding his chest. “Bullshit.”

Wayne is tired. He feels exhaustion in his bones, even in his fresh retirement.

For some, retirement is a time to reflect on the life you’ve lived and experience the things you couldn’t while you worked and raised a family. For others, retirement never happens at all.

For Wayne, retirement is a reminder that he almost lost his nephew, his son, and the government had to make sure he wouldn’t say a damn thing about how.

He knows he shouldn’t complain, but damn he sure would like to.

And now he has to figure out a way to tell Eddie that his father got killed in prison. The letter doesn’t say much, just that it was violent and the person responsible for his death is facing further consequences. As if Wayne cares about that. As if it helps explain this situation to a boy who already lost enough.

He sighs as he grabs a beer from the fridge and glances at the clock. Eddie should be home soon. He can’t hold onto this for too long; The news will get out soon enough and he’ll hear it from somewhere else, somewhere who won’t take the time to see what Eddie needs.

He takes a sip of the beer, then another, hoping the next taste of the bitter hops will help him decipher what he needs to say to Eddie.

It’s almost a blessing that Eddie doesn’t arrive home for another hour, giving Wayne time to finish his beer and get started on dinner.

Wayne is already prepared to ask Steve to head out tonight instead of linger, using the excuse of making sure Eddie doesn’t need anything before he goes. Usually Wayne finds it endearing, and hopes Eddie can see what’s so obvious there, but not tonight.

But Steve doesn’t walk in with Eddie.

Eddie’s humming something when he walks in, setting his cane against the table before sitting down in a chair and looking at Wayne with a smile.

“Hey, Wayne. How’s your day been?”

Wayne knows he’s about to ruin Eddie’s day at the very least and he’s not sure if he wants that task. He silently curses Al Munson again, wishing for someone to show up and say it was a mistake just so he doesn’t have to do this.

“Oh, boring. Ya know I hate retirement,” Wayne says as he brushes off the stress, tries to figure out a way to lead in to the news naturally. “Too much time on my hands.”

“You love fishing, though. Thought that’s where you went all morning.”

Wayne nodded. “You’re right about that. Guess I just like keeping my mind busy.”

He’s met with silence, which leads him to looking over to the table, where Eddie is staring at the envelope the letter came in.

Why did he leave it out in the open like that? It’s clearly marked from the prison.

“What’s this?” Eddie asks, always curious to the point of danger. “Dad get out?”

This was one of the worst things Wayne ever had to do and that’s saying something. Vietnam wasn’t for the weak, losing the love of his life nearly killed him, and seeing Eddie in a hospital bed after just barely escaping death is something he’d feel deep in his chest for years. But this was up there.

“No, son,” Wayne sighed, turning away from the pot on the stove. Beef stew and bread with butter was one of Eddie’s favorites, but it took a lot of work. That didn’t matter as much as making sure Eddie had support. “They sent a letter to let me know your dad passed away.”

Eddie didn’t look away from the letter. He was playing with the rings on his fingers, replaced by Steve the moment he realized they were missing in the hospital.

“Did they say how?” Eddie finally asked, still not looking up at Wayne.

“They just said another inmate was responsible. I don’t know any details. I’m sorry, Ed. Really sorry.”

And he is. Despite the fact that Al was a terrible father and made Eddie’s life harder than it should have ever been, he knows Eddie must have a lot of complicated emotions.

“Welp!” Eddie claps his hands on his thighs before finally looking back up at Wayne. “Guess that’s that.”

“It…is?” Wayne is trying to watch for any sign of discomfort or sadness, maybe anger. He sees none.

“Yeah. Not like I’ve really had him around to feel much of a loss.” Eddie smiles. It’s not fake, at least not according to Wayne’s judgment. “You’ve been my dad more than he ever was.”

Wayne feels warmth spreading in his chest at the thought of Eddie seeing him as his parent. It makes sense, but he’s never outright said something. Sure, he gave him Father’s Day cards, often handmade. And yeah, he braved a fishing trip every year for Wayne’s birthday because he knew it meant a lot to him. There was that one time he’d called him Dad when he was on morphine in the hospital.

Hearing it changes something in Wayne.

“You really feel that way, kid?” Wayne asks, sitting down at the table across from Eddie.

“Yeah. I kinda thought you knew that already.”

“Guess it’s nice to hear anyway.”

They don’t say anything else. They don’t need to.

A few minutes goes by before Wayne stands up and walks over to the stew, giving it a stir and taking a spoonful out to test the carrots and beef.

“Is that beef stew?” Eddie asks as the scent hits him.

“Sure is.”

“You were worried about how this was gonna go, huh?” Eddie teases, smirk evident in his voice.

“A little. Can’t blame me, can ya?” Wayne decides it’s done and turns off the stove. He’s grabbing two bowls from the cabinet when the front door opens.

“You forgot the meds!” Steve yells as he runs into their kitchen with a bottle of prescription pills in his hand. He freezes when he sees Wayne dishing out stew. “Sorry. Uh. Am I interrupting?”

Wayne laughs around a sigh, reaching up to grab a third bowl.

“No, have a seat, son. Just gettin’ ready to eat.”

Eddie stands and limps his way to Steve, taking the pill bottle to pocket it before he leans further in his space.

“I’m an orphan!”

Steve’s jaw drops and Wayne does all he can not to laugh. It’s not funny, and he knows that Eddie’s probably not processing the news properly yet, but he’d rather laugh than cry.

“Sorry, what?”

“My dad’s dead. The biological one in prison. Rest in peace to the man who gave me, like, two useful skills and musical talent.” Eddie is still leaning into Steve’s space and Wayne’s watching, waiting.

“I’m sorry, Eddie, that sucks.”

“Nah, it sucks that he was such a shitty dad I barely even feel sad that he’s dead.” Ah, there it is. That’s why he’s doing better than Wayne expected. “I’ve got Wayne.”

“Damn right,” Wayne adds as he pulls spoons out of the drawer. “Let’s eat.”

Steve seems lost for a moment as he looks between Wayne and Eddie, unsure what else to say in this admittedly strange situation.

He finally grabs two bowls off the counter and sets them in his and Eddie’s spots at the table.

“Let’s eat.”

- - -

Two days pass before it really hits Eddie.

Wayne’s been waiting.

Nothing major happens. Eddie doesn’t break down in tears or lash out in anger. He doesn’t even mention saying goodbye in some way.

“We should go on a trip.” He says to Wayne while they’re eating breakfast.

“What kinda trip?” Wayne asks without looking up from his newspaper.

“Camping. Or maybe cabin-ing. Somewhere with walls and running water.” Eddie sounds breathless, like he’s run a marathon. Wayne finally looks up and sees the look in his eyes. “Could go fishing and roast marshmallows and swim and stuff. Like that one time.”

He’s talking about the trip they took together a few months after he moved in permanently. His mama was gone and his dad was sitting in jail waiting for sentencing on an armed robbery turned homicide. Wayne wanted to get Eddie’s mind off everything before he had to go back to school, so he took him up to a friend’s cabin at the lake for a few days.

Eddie’s never been an outside person, but they had fun there.

It was the first time Wayne felt like Eddie was his.

It may have been the first time Eddie felt safe with Wayne, too.

“I could see if that cabin’s available. My buddy doesn’t rent it out much anymore so I’m sure he’d be fine with us using it.”

“Could Steve come?”

“Sure.”

He agrees without a second thought.

This is Eddie’s way of seeking comfort in the people he has left, he can see it from a mile away. If Eddie needs Steve to come with them, it’s no skin off Wayne’s back.

Plus, Wayne can recognize how badly Steve needs to relax. He can’t believe someone as young as him walks with so much tension in his shoulders and lines on his forehead.

“Sweet. He’s never been fishing,” Eddie explains. “Or hiking in the right side up. At least not proper hiking. I guess we aren’t really doing proper hiking. I’m wearing jeans. Can’t be real hiking.”

Wayne smiles down at the sports section of the paper, nodding and humming in agreement when Eddie recommends something else for their trip.

- - -

Steve tries insisting on taking his car as his contribution to the weekend, but Wayne tells him they need the space in his truck for all their gear. It occurs to him when Steve just blinks back at him that Eddie didn’t explain how much is actually involved in all this.

But Wayne takes the time to show him some of the stuff he already has packed in the bed of his truck.

“I thought we were staying in a cabin. Why do we have a tent?” Steve sounds nervous when he asks.

“It’s not a full tent. Just a canopy to hang up to protect us from the sun if we get caught up somewhere during our hike.”

“Hike?” Steve turns towards the trailer, glaring at Eddie, who is too busy trying to figure out which of his sneakers to wear to notice. “He didn’t say anything about hiking. I don’t have boots or, or, anything!”

Wayne grabs Steve’s shoulders, looks him in the eye, and lets out a laugh.

“Do ya think Eddie would agree to go on a hike that requires special boots?” Wayne shakes his head. “Don’t think I could bribe him to go on anything but an easy trail unless that Lars guy from Metallica was at the end of it.”

“So I’ll be fine in my Nikes?” Steve clarifies.

“Better than.” Wayne turns back to the truck bed. “I grabbed an extra pole for ya, but it’s a bit short. We can make it work, though.”

Steve stares at everything piled into the truck. Wayne stares at Steve.

He can’t read him quite like he can read Eddie, not yet, but he’s got a feeling that Steve’s overwhelmed by the effort. Wayne doesn’t know much about his upbringing, but he can imagine it was pretty lonely what with his parents being gone more than they were home.

He’s certain Richard Harrington wouldn’t even know how to cast a line, let alone catch a fish.

“Wayne! Should I just bring both?” Eddie’s standing barefoot on the top step of the deck, holding two pairs of sneakers up.

“Sure, Ed.” Wayne looks down at his bare feet and wrinkles his nose. “Don’t forget your socks.”

“Does he do that a lot?” Steve asks, still staring at everything in the truck.

“Not so much anymore. When he’s got a lot on his mind, though, he forgets little stuff. Socks, underwear, eating.” Wayne could go on, but he’s pretty sure Eddie will kill him if he does. “He’s excited for this trip so it probably isn’t at the front of his mind.”

“Right, yeah. I noticed that.” Steve finally looks at Wayne, small smile on his face. Fond, Wayne would say. “He was so caught up on picking up the kids for game night, he forgot the games.”

“Sounds like our boy,” Wayne said, waiting for any kind of negative reaction from Steve at his words.

But Steve’s smile grew, his cheeks flushing a light pink. He looked over at where Eddie had been standing moments ago, and Wayne watches him.

“Steve, I feel like-“

“Wayne! We forgot hot dogs!” Eddie calls from inside the trailer, front door wide open allowing him to see Eddie’s movement by the fridge. “And buns!”

Steve looks back at Wayne. “I can run and get some while you finish up here.”

“I already grabbed them. Check that red cooler and the bag next to it,” Wayne gestured towards three coolers along the side of the truck bed. “He wasn’t payin’ attention when I told him I was packin’ everything.”

“Not surprising.”

“We got it all Ed! Throw your bag in and let’s go!” Wayne calls towards the trailer. “He’s gonna throw a fit about ridin’ in the middle, but that’s what he gets for bein’ a bean pole.”

Steve snorts as he walks over to open the passenger door. “He’ll live.”

Wayne thinks Steve’s gonna fit right in.

- - -

The cabin is off the beaten path. It’s actually off of all paths. They’re lucky that Wayne’s friend visited recently to clear bushes and trees away so they could get to it.

Forest surrounds it on three sides, the lake is in the back.

It’s quiet, an escape for all of them, but especially for Eddie. Whatever thoughts are trying to cloud Eddie’s mind might just float away in the fresh air if he manages to relax enough.

They unload the truck efficiently, bringing everything inside except the fishing equipment, which stays on the front porch so Wayne can load it on the boat before nightfall. He doesn’t bother locking his truck up; There’s no one around for two miles at least.

Steve’s loading things into the fridge and Eddie’s…

“Where’s Ed?” Wayne asks as he grabs his duffel bag to bring to one of the bedrooms.

“Said he wanted to see how cold the water is,” Steve shrugs, shoving the beer to the side so he can make room for Eddie’s Mountain Dew. “Told him it’s probably not that cold since it’s August.”

“Anything less than boiling is too cold for that one,” Wayne chuckles. “I’ll go load the boat.”

He goes out the back door, immediately locating Eddie at the water’s edge. At least he didn’t go far. He was a bit of a flight risk at the best of times and these weren’t really the best of times.

His shoes and socks are off, sitting in the mix of sand and rocks that make up the shoreline. The rocks are smooth, worn down over thousands of years of water and animals and people. Perfect for skipping across the top of the water, splashes disrupting the calm of a lake with few visitors this close to the end of summer.

Wayne showed Eddie how to skip rocks years ago, not on this lake, but a much smaller one that they’d visited for the day the summer before he started high school. It took him about 100 tries before he got it, but when he did, he’d beamed back at Wayne, proud of himself for possibly the first time in his life.

But he’s not skipping rocks now. He’s standing at the shoreline, where the small waves break against the sand, staring out at the horizon. Wayne is tempted to leave him be, but he can’t.

He walks up behind him, makes sure to clear his throat so he isn’t completely startled when Wayne stops right where the water stops. It licks right at the toes of his boots, but they’re his work ones, steel-toe.

Eddie turns and gives him a small smile.

“Sorry, just wanted to dip my feet in.” Eddie apologizes as if Wayne would care that he’s already finding solace in the solitude of the lake.

“Stay out here as long as you want, kid. You okay?” Wayne watches as Eddie’s hands curl into fists and then relax against his thighs.

“Yeah. Thanks for bringing me out here. I’ll help load the boat,” Eddie offers, already turning towards Wayne fully and taking a step out of the water. Wayne holds his hand up to stop him. “What?”

“I got it. You can help pack the cooler in the mornin’.”

Eddie shrugs and turns back to the lake.

Wayne watches him for another minute, silent so he doesn’t disturb whatever thoughts are brewing in Eddie’s head.

As he walks back to the porch to grab the tackle boxes and poles for the boat, he sees Steve watching Eddie out the kitchen window, concerned frown and furrowed brow on his face.

Steve doesn’t notice him.

- - -

The first night is Wayne making dinner while Steve and Eddie argue over which side of the queen sized bed they’re sleeping on. He can’t help but laugh at how quickly it went from calmly suggesting the other person sleeps on the window side to personal insults.

When he hears Eddie say something about Steve’s hair being too big, he shouts for them to join him.

Dinner is relatively peaceful considering the warzone that was their shared bedroom moments before sitting down to eat. Everyone enjoys the chicken and green beans Wayne cooked, barely leaving any for leftovers. They talk about their plans for the morning, and Steve offers to clean up after they eat so Wayne can have an early night.

It’s kind of him, but he already knows their arguing is just gonna wake him up if they haven’t settled on the bed issue.

“How about you take turns sleepin’ by the window?” Wayne asks before agreeing to an early bedtime. “That way it’s fair.”

“But who has to sleep there tonight?” Eddie asks, sticking his tongue out at Steve.

“Rock, paper, scissors?”

“That’s stupid.”

Wayne raises his brow at Eddie’s crossed arms. “Draw straws then.”

“We don’t have straws.” Steve looks around the kitchen, trying to find something they can use in place of straws, but fails. “It’s fine. I’ll take the window.”

Wayne can tell he doesn’t want to, and he’s pretty sure he can guess why neither of them is thrilled with sleeping directly under a window that looks out into a dense forest, but Steve’s a self-sacrificial kind of guy. That’s been clear for as long as Wayne’s known him.

He also knows that Eddie, even as stubborn as he is, wouldn’t let a friend feel uncomfortable.

“I’ll take it tonight.” Eddie offers.

“No, it’s okay. I can take it.”

Wayne rolls his eyes. “Y’all will argue over anything.”

Steve and Eddie both turn to him with matching grins. “Mhm.” They agree in unison.

“Eddie takes window tonight,” Wayne says. “Steve can have it tomorrow night. Whoever catches the biggest fish this weekend gets to pick on the last night.”

“Sounds fair,” Steve nods, turning to Eddie to see if he agrees.

“Sure. Fair.” Eddie stands and starts clearing the drinks from the table.

Wayne decides to leave before he gets dragged into a new disagreement. He’s only got so much patience.

He’s not surprised to hear them go out the back door after the sun sets, voices quiet, but still audible through Wayne’s open bedroom window.

They don’t go far, just past the porch, about halfway to the water.

“You know, my dad would never have done anything like this with me,” Steve states, only a small hint of bitterness in his tone. “He didn’t believe in bonding time or whatever. Thought that was for fathers and sons who didn’t have a family business to maintain.”

“My dad never did either.” Eddie says back, and Wayne’s heart stops in his chest. “Probably couldn’t have stayed sober enough to make the drive to a place like this.”

Wayne waits for Steve to say something, anything. He waits for so long, he’s tempted to look out the window and see if he can see them under the light of the moon.

“Your dad didn’t deserve you,” Steve finally says, quieter than they’d been before, like he didn’t want to disrupt the quiet night with his words. “And you deserved better than him.”

“I had Wayne eventually. I have Wayne now.” Eddie replies just as quietly. “And you do too, ya know.”

Wayne isn’t much of a crier. He’s only done it a handful of times. But Eddie’s words make his eyes well up and his throat burn.

“He barely knows me,” Steve tries to argue.

“He knows enough. You were there for the worst of my shit. You still stick around. You’re here right now even though you could’ve turned down his invitation.” Eddie sounds like he’s holding back tears now. “If you mean a lot to me, you mean a lot to Wayne. You’ll just have to get used to it.”

Wayne wishes he could be a part of this conversation, or at least be able to see them both. He’s respecting their space as much as he can, though. He’s laying in his bed and biting back tears the way any respectful uncle would.

“I’m not used to meaning so much to someone.”

Wayne isn’t sure he hears him right, his voice breaking halfway through, but Steve couldn’t have said anything else.

He should stop listening. This is turning into something else entirely, he thinks. He shouldn’t hear whatever Eddie says next.

“You mean everything to me.”

Wayne closes his eyes, holds his breath, hopes that if Steve takes it the way he knows Eddie means it, that this doesn’t turn into a real fight. He hopes that Steve’s reaction is kind, even if it’s not what Eddie wants.

Wayne’s almost grateful that he can’t hear what Steve says next. Whether it’s rude or loving, he doesn’t want to be a part of this moment like this. He can’t close his window, they’d hear it. He can’t leave his room, he’ll just be in view when they come back inside.

He waits one minute, two, three. He hears a twig snap and then quiet giggling.

He smiles to himself as he hears footsteps heading back towards the cabin.

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

Eddie wakes up with Steve’s arms around him and something bubbling in his chest.

Could be heartburn, or it could be the love that’s been growing inside him for months.

He remembers their conversation last night, looking up at the stars and listening to the leaves gently brushing against each other in the breeze, and he can’t help the blush on his cheeks. When Steve kissed him last night, he was pretty sure he was dreaming.

This wasn’t a dream, though.

They stayed up way too late. Eddie knew the moment he looked at the clock as they got into bed and saw 1:48 in bright red that he’d struggle today.

He could hear Wayne moving around the cabin, probably making coffee and breakfast for them since they’d need an early start for fishing. It wasn’t Eddie’s favorite thing to do, but Wayne loved it, and Eddie loved Wayne.

Steve groaned as he moved one arm above his head.

Eddie looks up at him, blushing harder when Steve’s half-lidded eyes are already looking down at him. He’s smiling, cocky if Eddie’s reading him right.

“Sleep okay?” Steve’s sleep-raspy voice asks, fingers gliding across Eddie’s upper arm in unknown patterns.

“Mhm. Not long enough,” Eddie admits. “Could stay in bed.”

Steve hums in agreement before seemingly realizing that Wayne’s already up. “Don’t think we can skip out on Wayne, though.”

This is why Eddie has a hard time pushing his feelings down for Steve. He’s done this before, whether he realizes he did or not.

In the hospital, the day after he’d woken up, Steve had stopped by to bring some clothes for Wayne since he refused to leave Eddie’s side. The kids had apparently been hounding him to take them with him, but he stood his ground and told them that Eddie needed time with just Wayne right now and that he needed rest.

A few weeks later, Steve could’ve easily taken Eddie home by himself, but insisted on waiting for Wayne to get off of work to do it.

Just a week ago, Wayne had forgotten a few things at the store, and when Steve overheard him grumbling about having to make another trip, he offered to go.

That’s just who Steve is.

Eddie loves him for it.

“Yeah. He’d be so bored without me scaring the fish away with my constant humming and leg jiggling,” Eddie agrees seriously. “Wouldn’t want him to miss me.”

Steve lets out a loud laugh, and Eddie hides his pleased smile in Steve’s chest.

He can’t believe he’s doing this right now, can’t believe Steve’s arm tightens around him, pulls him closer so all he can feel and smell is Steve.

“You could just stay quiet while we fish,” Steve suggests, as if Eddie hasn’t thought of that already. “Just for a little bit.”

“That sounds boring.”

Steve pokes Eddie’s cheek with his other hand. Eddie nips at his fingertip before Steve can pull away. They both laugh.

It’s easy.

A knock on the door interrupts the casual cuddling, but Eddie knows it’s not because Steve’s ashamed to be caught with him like that. Steve isn’t used to this being okay.

“You boys up?” Wayne’s voice is barely muffled through the door, something Eddie notes for later.

“Yeah!” Eddie calls back, though he probably didn’t need to speak more than normal volume.

Steve is tense below him. Eddie hates that.

He tries to soothe him by running his hand along his side, memorizing the bumps of his scars, keeping his breathing even so Steve would calm down. Wayne wouldn’t walk in without Eddie telling him he could, but Steve must’ve assumed he didn’t respect his space that much.

“Breakfast is done. Just made eggs and toast.” Wayne knocks once more on the door before they can hear his footsteps walking back to the kitchen.

Steve relaxes and sighs.

“You don’t have to do that.” Eddie still traces along the scar on his hip. “Wayne’s cool.”

“I know.” Steve goes to sit up, but Eddie holds him down. “Eddie, I know. It’s okay. I didn’t mean to react like that.”

“There’s a price to pay before you get up.”

Steve snorts. “And what’s that?”

“A kiss.”

Steve kisses the top of Eddie’s head.

“Unfortunately, I won’t be accepting that form of payment.”

Steve’s hand cups Eddie’s cheek, thumb rubbing slowly as he guides his face up to look at him. Eddie hopes he can’t feel the heat on his skin, but the odds aren’t great.

“One kiss.”

“Only one?” Eddie pouts.

“Don’t wanna get carried away when we’re supposed to be getting up.” Steve leans in until his breath is hot against Eddie’s lips. “So one kiss and then you let me leave so we can go fishing with your uncle.”

“Fine.” Eddie can’t help smiling into the kiss. It’s quicker than he wants, but it’s perfect. When Steve pulls away, Eddie groans and falls flat on his back. “What if we fake sick?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Steve laughs as he gets out of bed and tries to get changed into regular clothes.

Eddie watches him, can’t wipe the smile off his face as Steve nearly trips over his own pant leg. He doesn’t even care if Steve catches him looking, not anymore.

He gets to look now.

After Eddie’s confession last night, after their first kiss, and the second and third, and talking for two hours by the water, it was pretty obvious that they were skipping over that new relationship awkwardness. Eddie hadn’t quite said he loved Steve, and Steve hadn’t said it either, but actions spoke louder than words. The way they couldn’t stop touching, the way Steve looked at Eddie while he talked about his most recent adventure with Dustin, the way Eddie watched Steve throw rocks as far as he could into the depths of the lake, it was all love.

“If you keep looking at me like that, I’m never leaving this room.” Steve is looking at him as he buttons his jeans and Eddie is considering sending Wayne on his own.

He waited months for this, but now it felt like waiting another hour was too much.

“Looking at you like what?” Eddie asks innocently.

“Like you wanna eat me.”

“Well…” Eddie wiggles his eyebrows and taps the bed. “I could eat breakfast in bed if you get back in it.”

Steve walks over to the bed, leans over Eddie, gets close enough to nip at his top lip.

“Get out of bed.” He presses a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips before walking to the door. He leaves it open as he leaves the room without looking back.

Eddie curses Steve’s ability to get him to do anything, and reluctantly gets out of bed. He throws on his shorts, a tank top, and ties his bandana in his hair so he doesn’t have to worry about it sticking to his forehead.

When he gets to the kitchen, Wayne and Steve are staring out the window and whispering.

“I didn’t think we’d see a marsh hawk. Population’s been down for the last decade,” Wayne’s saying as Eddie walks up on his other side. “I’ve only seen one before and that was during a trip to Lake Michigan when I was 14 or 15.”

Eddie looks out the window, trying to see what they see. He’s not sure what a marsh hawk looks like, but he’s assuming it’s one of the birds in the nearby trees.

Steve wordlessly points it out to him.

“That’s a cool bird.” Eddie says at a normal volume. The bird spreads its wings out, acting as if it might take off. It’s beautiful, the white along its beak and chest a stunning contrast to its dark brown wings.

“It’s good luck to see one in some cases,” Wayne whispers as he turns away from the window. “Seeing one on your wedding day is supposed to lead to a long and happy marriage.”

“Too bad no one’s getting married here today,” Eddie remarks as he grabs a plate and starts to scoop eggs onto it.

“Not married. But still good luck,” Steve mutters as he follows Eddie. “So we just have to grab the cooler on our way out?”

Wayne nods. “And the bait.”

“I thought we used plastic stuff.”

“We use lures, but we put worms on there to get the fish to actually bite,” Wayne explains. “I’ve got plenty of stuff for bass, but I dunno how lucky we’ll be.”

Eddie nods along as he takes a huge bite of toast. “One time we forgot worms and had to use hot dogs.”

“Fish eat hot dogs?” Steve asks in surprise.

“Some fish settle for hot dogs. They don’t quite realize ‘til it’s too late that it ain’t their food,” Wayne shrugs. “But we got plenty of worms for this trip. Should be perfect fishing conditions.”

They all ate in silence after that, but Eddie could feel Steve’s nerves building the closer they all got to clean plates.

Steve didn’t have to say it for Eddie to know he desperately wanted to impress Wayne, especially now that they were…something. They probably needed to clarify exactly what they were at some point soon. They would. Eventually. Tonight maybe.

Or tomorrow.

“I’ll clean up if you boys wanna finish getting ready.” Wayne offered as he scraped the last of his eggs onto his fork.

Eddie took him up on his offer, jumping up to go brush his teeth and get his sneakers on.

“You comin’?” He asks Steve, who’s still slowly eating the eggs he drenched in ketchup.

“Just a second,” Steve replies with his mouth full. “You can use the bathroom first.”

Eddie nods and leaves the room.

He hears the sink in the kitchen running a few seconds later, and the hushed voices of Wayne and Steve having a whispered conversation. He could sneak back, try to listen in, but he thinks that maybe Steve needs this minute alone with him.

He finishes what he needs to do quickly, though, and admittedly sneaks back towards the kitchen quieter than he normally would, hoping to overhear something interesting.

But all he walks into is Steve laughing as Wayne smiles back.

Eddie doesn’t find that he minds much, as long as they’re both happy.

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

Being on the boat is different as an adult.

The last time Eddie fished with Wayne on a boat, he was barely shoulder height on him and 100 pounds soaking wet. It was a much smaller boat, though, barely fit two grown adults comfortably.

This boat, however, was built for a family of at least four adults. The awning covered half of the boat, so Eddie didn’t have to sit in direct sunlight when the sun finally rose.

Steve stood to the side, watching Wayne prep the lures and bait, casting his own line out and reeling it in until it was taut. Eddie went next, making a show of it just like he always did. Wayne doesn’t comment, just shakes his head and smiles fondly as he watches the water.

“Um,” Steve starts. “I guess it’s my turn.”

Eddie’s pretty sure Wayne knows Steve’s nervous. It’s hard not to tell with how quiet he’s been the entire ride to the middle of the lake.

Wayne sets his pole in the stand at the stern, and turns to Steve with his hands on his hips. “You saw how I cast mine?”

Steve nods, but doesn’t look sure. Eddie’s not really used to seeing Steve anything less than confident, even in the face of monsters.

It hits him the moment he thinks about monsters.

They’re on a lake. A lake very similar, though much larger, to the same lake that almost dragged Steve to his death. A lake he’d previously trusted, and no longer could.

Eddie doesn’t say anything, just subtly places his hand against Steve’s hip, offering whatever comfort he can. Steve won’t admit he’s scared, but Eddie doesn’t need him to.

Wayne sees it, Eddie knows he does. But because he’s the best uncle, he doesn’t say anything.

He raises a brow and then schools his features back to a comforting smile before showing Steve how to hold the pole so he can cast it comfortably and far enough out that movements from the boat don’t scare the fish from the hook.

Eddie watches, and he sees the nerves slowly easing from Steve’s shoulders, his forehead, and his arms. He relaxes inch by inch, and Eddie couldn’t be more in love.

Wayne steps back so Steve can cast his line.

When the bobber hits the water, Wayne smiles and pats his shoulder. “Good job, son. Now reel it in a bit so you can feel if something bites. Good. Now we just wait.”

Steve turns red at the praise and Eddie realizes that Steve probably hasn’t heard a “good job” from an adult in a very, very long time.

Eddie’s childhood was fucked, but at least Wayne was there cheering him on, showing him what it meant to be proud of your kid eventually. He’s pretty sure Steve hasn’t had that for most of his life.

“How long do we wait?” Steve asks after a few minutes.

The lake is near silent, and the water is so smooth it looks like glass. If Eddie leaned over, he’d probably be able to see his reflection. The gentle lapping of water on the side of the boat and the distant sound of birds in the trees lining the water’s edge fills the air.

“I usually give it 10 or 15 minutes before reeling it in. Check my bait, maybe change the lure if there’s no bites.” Wayne’s watching the end of Steve’s line as he speaks. “I used bass lures on all of ours, but we might change them up in a minute. See what else is out there.”

Steve nods and turns back.

Wayne doesn’t take his eyes off of Steve’s bobber.

Eddie watches Wayne curiously.

Anytime he’s fished with Wayne, he’s left Eddie to his own devices after showing him what to do. He watches his own line, and only steps in to help if Eddie catches something and doesn’t wanna touch the fish.

Wayne’s eyes widen just as Steve exclaims, “Hey! Look!”

“Reel it in!” Wayne shouts, setting his pole down again and rushing to stand next to Steve.

Eddie turns and watches as Steve reels in whatever he’s caught. Judging by the bend in the pole, it’s a decent sized fish.

“Shit, what if it breaks?” Steve asks, voice shaking with the effort of trying to reel in the fish before it escapes.

“It won’t. Keep going.”

When they manage to get the fish out of the water and into the boat, Steve is breathless.

“Look at that!” Wayne holds up the line, right above where the hook is caught in the fish’s mouth, beaming at Steve. “Our boy got himself a king salmon!”

Ignoring his mention of “our” boy, Eddie steps closer and grips Steve’s shoulder, shaking him just enough to make the boat rock.

“How can you tell?” Steve asks Wayne, reaching out to hold the fish up himself.

“You see all these black spots on his back and fins?” Wayne points at a few of the spots. “Other salmon don’t have this many spots or any at all. You keepin’ him or throwin’ him back?”

Steve looks at Eddie, smile falling as he suddenly looks unsure about what the right thing to do is. Before Eddie can say anything, Wayne wraps his arm around Steve’s shoulders.

“Either is fine with me. Could cook him up for supper if you wanna keep him or send him back to his friends with a new piercing.” Wayne looks over at Eddie. “Eddie ain’t much for seafood, but I make a mean baked salmon.”

Steve nods. “Yeah, think I’ll keep this one.”

Wayne pats his shoulder again before showing him how to unhook the fish safely. He opens up the empty cooler he brought and places the fish inside.

Wayne moves to grab the bait so Steve can set up again, and while his back is turned, Eddie takes a chance.

He leans over and kisses the corner of Steve’s mouth.

“You’re a natural,” Eddie whispers as he leans away again.

“Shut up.” Steve is blushing that same pretty pink that he was last night and earlier this morning. Eddie can’t look away. “Just lucky.”

Wayne catches two rainbow trout and Eddie manages to catch a small northern pike, which quickly gets thrown back when Eddie starts to make up a story about how it’s a teenager who got separated from its parents. Wayne shakes his head as Eddie carries on, but he’s used to it. Eddie never keeps his catch if he’s lucky enough to have one.

They relax as the day warms up, popping open cans of soda as the sun gets closer to the middle of the sky. It’s not about fishing anymore; It’s about soaking up the tranquility of their surroundings.

Eddie isn’t known for being still or quiet, but even he can let himself enjoy this. Every day since March has been about survival, and appointments, and witness statements, and lawyers, and moving, and the kids. He feels like he’s barely even had time to think.

So while he sits on this boat with two of his favorite people, he thinks.

He thinks about how different his life is now, and how different it could still be.

He thinks about how much Wayne has sacrificed for him for most of his life, but especially the last five months.

He thinks about how much he wants to tell Steve he loves him.

He thinks he’ll tell him tonight.

📼📼📼📼📼

Steve sits on the porch while Wayne cleans the fish, staying a good distance away so he doesn’t end up seeing things that’ll make him wish he left the poor salmon in the lake. Eddie’s inside doing god knows what.

He’s never been happier.

He does wish Robin could be here, but she hates the outdoors. She didn’t even like going on her family’s beach trip last month.

Plus, he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have been able to have the alone time he needed with Eddie last night if she were here. Even though she’s been telling him to just talk to him for the last three months, she wouldn’t have caught on to his plan.

Feeling this much for Eddie isn’t new.

After the events of spring break, Steve took a long, hard look at high school and realized that at least part of the reason he was always staring at Eddie was because he was very interested. He started looking for any excuse to stick around in Eddie’s hospital room, and then offered to take him to appointments, and it continued from there.

Now, they hang out almost every day. Sometimes it’s with the kids, sometimes with Robin, sometimes alone.

Steve realizes that even before they kissed and fell asleep holding each other and flirted as much as possible all day, this was the best relationship he’s ever had. He needs to tell Eddie as soon as they’re alone.

“All done,” Wayne says as he steps onto the porch, the container of cleaned fish in his hand. “You ready to learn the secret to makin’ the best fish?”

Steve is quick to nod, excited that Wayne thinks he’s even worth the time it’ll take to show him. Wayne’s been so kind this entire trip, making sure Steve is involved and welcomed, makes him feel like he belongs in their little family.

As Wayne grabs everything they’ll need, Steve sees Eddie through their bedroom door, writing in a journal, tongue poking between his lips as he concentrates. Steve’s never seen this journal, but he can assume it’s another one of his many already filled with songs and campaign ideas.

“You done starin’ at Ed?” Wayne’s voice is quiet behind him, but still makes him jump with surprise.

“Wasn’t staring at him. Thought I saw a…um…bug?” Steve knows he’s been caught halfway through trying to lie, so he moves on. “Ready?”

“Are you?” Wayne raises a brow and smirks.

“Yes!” Steve puts his hands on his hips. “What are you implying?”

“Mostly that you’re too in love with my nephew to focus on what I’m sayin’.”

Steve feels heat in his cheeks, but he chooses to ignore it and pretend that he can distract Wayne from what he’s saying.

“So we’re frying your fish and baking my salmon?” Steve starts holding up some of the spices Wayne’s set out on the counter. He can feel Wayne’s eyes on him. “Looks like you like spice.”

“Steve.” Wayne sighs. “It’s okay to feel however you feel. I ain’t gonna judge.”

“Right. Yeah.” Steve turns to finally look at Wayne, who looks sad. He shouldn’t look sad right now.

“Eddie ever tell ya about Paul?” Wayne starts filling one pan with oil and the other with a few small pads of butter.

Steve shakes his head, watching closely.

“Paul was my boyfriend when Ed first came to live with me.”

Steve’s eyes widen as that hits him.

“Woulda been my husband had we been able to be married.” Wayne starts mixing flour, salt, and pepper in a bowl while he talks. “He was a long haul truck driver. Gone for weeks at a time. Stayed with me when he passed through. Came home one day to Eddie asleep in the bed we usually shared and asked if I’d been up to something.”

Wayne smiles fondly down at the bowl of eggs, buttermilk, lemon juice, and garlic he’d started mixing together as he spoke.

“Told him everything. Expected him to call it quits. He didn’t sign up for raising a troubled kid, especially not one who may not be okay with what we had.” Wayne stops and looks up at Steve. “But he just hugged me and said he’d follow my lead. Whatever was best for Ed was what was best for us. Ain’t sure I could ever find a love like that again.”

Steve can feel tears trying to form in his eyes, but he manages to bite them back. He’s pretty sure he knows where this is going, but he listens without interrupting.

“Ed didn’t take too well to him at first. Probably ‘cause he was in and out so much, didn’t get time to bond with him like I did. Paul was patient. Always so patient with both of us.” Wayne shakes his head and looks down at the counter before he looks up smiling again. “Ed came out to Paul first, ya know? When he was 13. He’d gone on a short haul with him over the summer and when they came back, they were thick as thieves. Paul told me that night that Ed had told him he liked boys and it changed their entire relationship. I was Uncle Wayne, but Paul was like a dad to him. Definitely more than his own dad ever was.”

Wayne looked over to check that Eddie was still in the bedroom, distracted by his writing.

“Paul started taking short hauls instead of long ones. Only gone three or four days at a time instead of 14-20. Thought it was so he could be close to Ed, since we’d kinda become our own little family.”

Steve realizes he’s holding his breath when Wayne sniffs.

“He’d gotten sick and didn’t tell us. Started out thinkin’ it was pneumonia, but it got worse. Doctor thought it was heart problems, but it was everywhere. Leukemia. Untreatable by the time they figured it out.”

Steve’s wrapping his arms around Wayne before he even realizes he’s doing it, letting the tears fall as he thinks about how much pain Wayne and Eddie must’ve gone through to lose someone so important to them.

“Ed was barely 14 when he passed. I think he took it harder than me.”

Steve can’t even imagine. Wayne lost someone he loved, but Eddie lost a father figure after losing his real father to things he should never have had to compete with. And now Eddie’s father was really dead.

All he really has is Wayne.

“Kid shaved his head in solidarity when Paul lost what little hair he had left,” Wayne huffs a wet laugh as they pull away from each other. “Couldn’t believe it when I got home from work and they were both bald as cue balls. Thought they’d lost it.”

Steve and Wayne are both laughing, and it’s probably going to draw Eddie’s attention, but he kinda hopes it does. He could use Eddie’s closeness right now. He needs to see that he’s okay, that this didn’t completely destroy him, that he went on anyway.

But all Eddie does is yell at them to keep it down, which just makes them laugh harder.

“And you never dated anyone else?” Steve asks as Wayne starts putting his fishin the egg mixture. “Not even for fun?”

“Nah. Once Paul was gone, I had to work more to pay the bills. What little time I had was spent with Ed. He was my priority, always.”

Steve wipes the tears from his cheeks as he watches Wayne drop the fish into the hot oil.

“What about now?” Eddie was busy with his own life now, and they’d received enough money from the government to cover their new trailer and have plenty leftover to cover bills. Wayne was retired and had plenty of time to start dating again.

“I got lucky with Paul. It ain’t fair to compare any future relationship to what we had and I think that’s all I’d do. I’m happy the way things are for now.”

Steve drops it for now, but he makes a note to ask Eddie about it soon. He’s surprised Eddie never mentioned Paul, or even the fact that Wayne was gay, especially when he came out to Steve and Robin while he was still in the hospital.

Wayne goes on to explain how long he keeps the fish in the oil before flipping them to make sure the cooking is even, and how putting them onto paper towels to cool drains too much of the grease.

As Steve watches him prep the salmon with a glaze he made from garlic, honey, and lemon juice, Eddie finally comes out of the bedroom.

“Smells like fish,” he says with a grin.

“That’d be the fish.” Wayne doesn’t even bother looking over at him as he leans against the counter. “Salmon is already a tender fish, so you can bake it to whatever you prefer. It should only take about 10 minutes on 400 unless you like it extra crispy, then you may wanna do it for 13 minutes.”

“Chef Wayne teaching you everything you need to know?” Eddie asks Steve, stepping close enough for Steve to feel the heat coming from his body.

“He’s pretty talented. Might need to consider opening a restaurant,” Steve teases.

“Wait ‘til you have his steak. So tender you could cut it with a spoon.”

“Don’t know what you’re after with your compliments, but I’d rather ya just ask for it.” Wayne checked the clock as he closed the oven door.

“I was just bein’ nice!” Eddie exclaims, throwing his arms up in frustration. Steve never noticed how Eddie’s accent changes the more time he spends around Wayne, but he smiles to himself when it slips now. “See if I give ya a compliment again, old man.”

Steve watches as they banter back and forth some more, both of them smiling and laughing the entire time.

It’s nothing like what Steve was used to. His parents never bantered, only fought. Anything that was big enough for discussion, was big enough to yell about. As Steve got older, he learned that staying quiet and letting them get it out would usually turn out better for him. Luckily, once he reached middle school, they didn’t bother coming home enough for him to worry about what to do when they were arguing.

He doesn’t remember a time when there was fun and laughter between them, not even when he was a young child. He can remember his mom dancing with him while his dad was gone on business trips, but the moment he arrived home, the air became thick with tension and her attitude became somber. He remembers one time when his dad let him sit on his desk while he worked, making paper airplanes and having a competition to see how far they could fly, but the moment the phone rang, he was hissing a ‘get out’ with no explanation for the abrupt stop to the fun.

Steve couldn’t imagine talking to either of his parents the way Eddie talks to Wayne, but he also couldn’t imagine receiving the love from them that Wayne so easily gives to Eddie.

And now that he knows another piece of their story, he can see how they’ve come to be like this, comfortable with each other in ways many kids never are with their parents.

Steve’s mind continues to wander throughout dinner, but no one calls him out on it. Maybe Wayne somehow communicated with Eddie that they’d had a serious conversation. Maybe it was just obvious that Steve was far away from the table. Eddie and Wayne chattered as they ate, and Steve let the constant echoes of their voices be the background noise to his thoughts.

“Stevie?” Eddie’s hand touched his cheek, shaking him out of the path he was lost on. “Wayne’s gonna take a walk. You wanna go?”

Steve smiles up at Eddie before looking down at his plate. He barely remembers eating, but he only has a few small pieces of salmon left.

“Sounds good.”

Eddie looks concerned, but Steve brushes him off. He looks around, and when he doesn’t see Wayne in the room with them, turns his face so he can kiss Eddie’s palm.

“Should we grab the bug spray?” Steve asks as he stands, pushing in his chair and grabbing his plate off the table to wash it.

“Wayne’s got it outside. Think he put enough on for all of us,” Eddie follows close behind Steve. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Just thinking.”

“About?”

“A lot.” Steve brushes it off so they can join Wayne. “Ready?”

Eddie nods and leads the way out of the cabin.

They ate an early dinner, so the sun is still high in the sky as they make their way down a trail that follows the lake’s edge. Eddie occasionally gets distracted by colorful rocks, holding them up excitedly for Steve and Wayne to acknowledge.

Steve knows the love he has for Eddie is written all over his face.

He doesn’t care to hide it.

Wayne’s quiet as they walk, occasionally pointing out a fish splashing in the distance or a heron standing in the water. He swats a mosquito away from Steve’s face, only for the mosquito to turn around and bite his hand. Eddie’s far too busy climbing over fallen limbs and branches of trees to notice what they’re doing.

“You boys should go for a swim when we get back. Water’s cool.” Wayne makes the suggestion without looking at Steve, who suddenly feels like he’s being studied under a microscope.

“Not sure if Eddie even brought a swimsuit.” Steve laughs it off, hopes they can go back to silence or change the subject.

“I’m sure you boys could figure something out.”

Thankfully, the topic gets dropped and Steve is left wondering if Wayne knows.

Sure, he joked about Steve being in love with Eddie earlier, but that wasn’t a confirmation that he knew they were together. He thought they’d been careful today, but maybe Wayne caught them when they kissed by the truck when Eddie was grabbing his wallet from the glovebox.

He doesn’t have time to think about it more because Eddie lets out a yelp and they can only watch as he falls on his ass into a muddy spot between two large rocks.

“I hate the outdoors,” he grumbles as he stands.

Wayne is laughing, but Steve is rushing over to make sure he’s okay.

“Are you hurt?” Steve’s hands are hovering over him, trying to figure out if he sees any blood. “Did you hit your head?”

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” Eddie replies quietly, holding his arms out as if trying to show proof. “My dignity may be a bit bruised.”

They’re interrupted by the hooting of an owl. It’s loud enough that Wayne shushes them and starts looking around at the trees surrounding them, trying to locate the creature.

It hoots again before Wayne locates it, pointing to a tree only ten feet away and to their right.

“Wow.” Steve says as he gets a close look at it, the white and tan feathers blending into beautiful patterns. “It’s so small. I thought owls were bigger.”

Eddie’s looking up at it, smiling.

To Steve’s shock, he’s the one who responds, not Wayne.

“It’s a northern saw-whet owl. They’re closer to the size of a robin than an owl you may be thinking of.” Eddie reaches for Steve’s hand and squeezes it once before letting it drop. “Paul taught me about all kinds of owls.”

Steve’s head snaps towards him. “You heard us this morning, didn’t you?”

“You weren’t quiet,” Eddie shrugged. “I used to be obsessed with nocturnal animals. He bought me a book about bats and owls for Christmas and went through it page by page with me.”

“I remember that book,” Wayne looks at the owl while he talks. “Paul said it made him nervous to go out at night.”

Eddie laughs. “He was convinced we’d get attacked.”

Steve can’t blame him. The longer he looks at the owl’s impossibly large eyes and spread wings, the more he believes he’s being hunted.

“Ready to head back?” Wayne asks after another minute, drawing his attention away.

“Wish I had a camera like Byers. Probably could get a good picture.” Eddie says as he starts to walk back the way they came.

Steve takes note to ask Jonathan about his so he can get him one for Christmas.

When they make it back to the cabin, Wayne excuses himself to take a shower and do a crossword before bed, which leaves Steve and Eddie to fill their time however they want. Steve thinks back to Wayne’s suggestion about going for a swim, but he’s not sure Eddie would want to now that the sun’s almost set.

He’s not even sure he wants to get into the lake after dark.

But it does sound appealing, especially with the layer of damp sweat coating his skin from their walk. And there is a light on the dock that would make it easier to at least see each other.

“Wanna go for a swim?” Steve asks Eddie as he sips on a soda.

“Now?” Eddie looks out the window in the kitchen, frowning at the darkness looming.

“Now.”

“It’s dark.”

“We can turn on the light at the dock. C’mon. Just a quick dip,” Steve nudges his shoulder as he starts walking to the back door, fully dressed.

“You’re not gonna change?” Eddie asks in disbelief.

“Don’t plan on wearing my clothes in.” Steve winks as he leaves, knowing Eddie will follow him even if he’s hesitant to do so.

Within seconds, the back door is closing and Eddie is on his heels.

“Are we seriously skinny dipping in the lake while my uncle is here?” Eddie hisses out, hand covering Steve’s forearm.

“I’m skinny dipping. You can do whatever you want,” Steve responds. “But I wouldn’t complain if you joined me.”

Eddie huffs beside him, but still follows him the rest of the way to the water’s edge. The light has a covered power switch to their right, but now that they’re in an open area by the water, they realize the moon is pretty bright.

Steve starts stripping off his shirt, then his shoes and socks. Eddie watches, probably trying to decide if he’s gonna join him or go back inside and pretend Steve isn’t naked in the water. When Steve pulls his pants off, Eddie sighs and starts untying his boots.

“Can’t believe you have me getting into another lake. Wasn’t the first time enough?” Eddie’s grumbling loud enough for Steve to hear, but quiet enough that Steve only catches every couple of words and has to use context clues for the rest. He can’t hold back a smile when he shoves his underwear down and leaves them on top of his pile of clothes.

Eddie is still grumbling as he removes his own clothes, enough that he’s distracting himself from realizing Steve’s already naked and waiting for him.

When he looks up, his eyes widen and his jaw drops open.

“You’re gonna catch flies like that,” Steve steps closer as he speaks, feeling more nervous than he expected to. “Probably should get in so the mosquitos don’t get us.”

“Right.” Eddie shakes his head, closing his eyes so he can focus. “Yes. Let’s get in.”

Steve grabs his hand and walks them both to the water. The water is chilly, but not uncomfortably cold. He knows in the next few weeks, the temperature will drop enough at night to cause the lake to be freezing cold. But right now, it’s perfect.

Being here with Eddie is perfect.

Eddie breathes out slowly as they keep walking further in, squeezing Steve’s hand.

“All good?” Steve asks when they’re waist deep.

“Yep. All good. How uh…how far do you wanna go?” Eddie’s looking out at what little they can see of the lake, even with the moonlight glistening off the tiny waves of the lake.

“Just a little more.”

Steve doesn’t take Eddie’s trust for granted here, knows that he’s asking a lot of him.

When the water is just below his collarbone, he stops.

Eddie is tense next to him, but doesn’t seem to be panicking.

“Okay?” Steve asks.

Eddie looks around and then settles back on Steve. “I’m okay.”

Something about the way he says it makes Steve pause, though.

“You can let it out if you need to, baby,” he offers. He’s not sure what it is specifically that makes him think Eddie’s on the edge of tears, but he wants to give him the chance to cry. “I’m right here.”

Eddie doesn’t sob, or cry, or do anything for a minute. They’re both looking out at the dark lake and the moon above, listening to crickets and a gentle breeze in the leaves of the trees nearby. Eddie’s breathing just stops for a few seconds and that’s all the warning Steve gets before he’s sniffling and talking.

“My dad was a piece of shit,” he starts. Steve is gonna follow his lead, and listen, and let Eddie tell him whatever he wants to. Even if that’s all he says. “He hated me. Pretty sure he hated my mom towards the end of her life, too. Anything that put attention on someone other than him was no good. That’s why he got involved with the closest thing Hawkins had to a mafia.”

Steve rubs his thumb against the side of Eddie’s hand under the water, prompting him to continue.

“He ranked pretty high with them so he got plenty of attention. Forgot that he had a wife and a kid. When my mom died, he temporarily got more attention from everyone. Made sure he looked like the mourning husband trying to be strong for the son he barely knew. Even at four and five years old I knew he was full of shit. But at least he was taking me with him sometimes, showing me cool shit. He got arrested when I was seven for petty theft and possession of drugs. Got lucky that the judge believed his sob story of being the only one who could take care of me.” Eddie scoffed. “Paid a fine with money he stole and had to do 80 hours of community service that his boss signed off on after a few weeks. Didn’t care that the only meals I ate were at school and the neighbor’s house when she saw me alone for dinner. Didn’t care that I never had school supplies or clothes that fit. Didn’t care that I missed school anytime I missed the bus, which was often because he never gave me an alarm clock to set to get up in time.”

Steve wants to cry, hearing how shitty Eddie’s childhood was, but he refuses to right now. He doesn’t want Eddie to stop talking.

“When I was nine, he taught me how to steal a car. I could barely see over the steering wheel, but it was the first time I made him proud.” Eddie clears his throat. “He got sent to prison when I was 11. I got put in the system because everything is a mess and Wayne wasn’t even listed as my uncle anywhere. Wayne heard about it all a few weeks later and didn’t stop pushing to have me in his care until they gave in. I’m surprised they put up so much of a fight considering they don’t usually care that much about poor kids with shit parents. Wayne fought for me and I didn’t even know how much he did until I was older.”

Steve glances over to see tears falling down Eddie’s face. He let go of Eddie’s hand to wrap his arm around his waist instead, pulling him against his side.

“He didn’t have to do that. He just knew what a piece of shit my dad was and apparently checked on me a few times a year without me or him knowing. And he told you about Paul.” Steve nods. “Paul was in and out a lot at first, made me suspicious. Thought he was up to no good and just using Wayne as a place to sleep when he wasn’t in the truck. But then he took me with him a few times over the summer and we got closer. I don’t think Wayne even knows how much that man loved him. He was gonna start working more local jobs sooner until I came into the picture and Wayne was struggling to keep up with bills. Long haul makes more money, so he stayed out. Made sure I had clothes and school supplies, made sure I ate three meals a day and had whatever snacks I wanted. Sent payments to the electric company before Wayne even got the bill so I never had to worry about sleeping through alarms or not being able to take a hot shower.”

Steve didn’t realize he was crying until Eddie reached his thumb up to wipe away a tear.

“He was my father in the ways that mattered to me, just like Wayne has been. Losing him was more painful than anything I feel about my dad dying now. All I feel now is guilt that I feel anything at all.”

Steve uses the arm wrapped around Eddie’s waist and the weightlessness the water allows to lift him up and guide his legs around his waist. He’s looking up at the man he loves, holding the back of his thighs, and wishing he could take every shitty feeling away with his words of comfort.

“You can feel however you feel. I’ll love you through it all,” Steve reassures him. Eddie’s breath catches at his words, and Steve knows he chose the right thing to say at the right time. “No one who cares about you is gonna judge you for having any emotion about your dad dying. If you wanted to stand in the middle of a table in the cafeteria at the school and cheer, I’d sit at the table and cheer you on. If you want to show up at his grave and scream and cry, I’ll hold your hand the whole time. So will Wayne. And so would Paul.”

Eddie sobs as he wraps his arms around Steve’s neck and hides his face against Steve’s neck. Steve can feel the wetness of his tears, can feel his own still falling into the water below. He doesn’t care how long they stay like that, doesn’t even care if this is all they do all night.

But only a few minutes later, Eddie is pulling back and looking down at Steve, hands playing with the wet ends of his hair.

“I didn’t expect any of this this weekend,” he admits. “I should learn to stop having expectations.”

Steve’s lips turn up in a half-smile as Eddie rests his forehead against his. “Better or worse than what you expected?”

Eddie snorts. “Better. Always better with you.”

Steve’s glad it’s dark enough to hide his blush, but he’s sure Eddie knows what he does to him by now. If he doesn’t, he will soon enough.

Eddie traces a line along Steve’s neck, gently poking at his moles as he watches his own movements. Steve holds him, lets him do what he wants, feels every touch like lightning.

“I love you,” he finally says, barely more than a whisper, like he’s unsure it’s okay, even after Steve’s confession. “I think I have for a while.”

Steve wants to kiss him, but this moment still feels like a part of Eddie’s monologue. He wants Eddie to lead now, to show him how to love him. Whatever he needs, Steve will give it willingly and gladly.

“How long until Wayne comes to make sure we didn’t drown?” Eddie asks.

“Probably not unless we’re still gone by morning.”

“As lovely as being in your arms all night sounds, I don’t know if I’d wanna stay in the water that long,” Eddie laughs as his legs tighten around Steve’s waist. Their mostly soft cocks brush against each other, making them both inhale loudly. “A little longer might not be so bad, though.”

Steve’s finding it harder not to kiss him, not to let his hands wander from Eddie’s thighs, up to his waist, back to his ass. He resists, but Eddie shifts his weight again and everything gets harder.

“You’re killing me.” Steve groans, letting his head fall back so he can look up at the stars in the sky instead of the ones in Eddie’s eyes.

“Look at me.” Eddie’s tone’s shifted to something serious, still adorned with an affection Steve can’t believe he gets to hear. Steve looks at him with his lips parted and unblinking eyes. “I wanna be yours. Will you let me?”

Steve nods. That’s all he can do.

Eddie’s lips are against his, gently coaxing them apart further so he can slip his tongue inside. Steve’s not even thinking about how he hasn’t brushed his teeth or eaten a mint since supper, the warmth of Eddie’s hands circling behind his back and rubbing his shoulders enough of a distraction even without his tongue gliding against the roof of his mouth.

Eddie’s hands are slow, but on a very clear path downwards as his tongue traces Steve’s bottom lip. Steve lets his own hands slip to Eddie’s lower back, lets a finger trace up and back down his spine.

Eddie shivers in his arms.

“Cold?” Steve whispers.

Eddie shakes his head. “Feels good.”

So Steve does it again, with more pressure, hoping Eddie gets the hint.

When Eddie’s hips grind forward, he knows he did.

They’re both nearly fully hard now, lips meeting again, hungrier and biting. Their moans vibrate between their chests, every movement rippling the water around them.

Eddie’s rocking his hips back and forth, friction against their cocks not quite enough to do more than get them more worked up.

The water doesn’t feel cool anymore, Steve’s body already adjusted to the temperature the moment Eddie’s hands were on him.

“Can I touch you?” Eddie asks, bringing Steve out of his thoughts about doing this in his pool when they got home. His hand is flat against Steve’s stomach, fingertips dragging through his happy trail.

“Want you to feel good too, love,” Steve trails one of his hands to Eddie’s front, stopping for a moment on the angry scars covering his side. “Together?”

Eddie slides impossibly closer, wrapping his hand around both of their cocks at once. Steve’s legs would’ve buckled without the help of the lake holding him up.

“Together is good,” Eddie smirks as his hand works them both over, squeezing at the tip the way Steve likes.

Steve had every intention of helping, but he’s doing all he can to keep his feet on the sandy ground and Eddie’s legs wrapped around his waist. He whimpers as Eddie leans in to kiss him slowly, a contradiction to his hand speeding up around them.

“Eddie, I’m…close.” Steve pants against his lips when he pulls back for air. His toes are curling in the sand below, and the small waves around them are splashing against their necks as Eddie’s hand moves faster. Steve’s bucking up into his touch, doesn’t care how desperate he seems.

“Me too, Stevie.” Eddie reassures him, just as breathless as Steve is.

Despite the words spoken and the increasing heat coiling in his belly, Steve gasps in surprise when he comes. He’s even more surprised when Eddie is right behind him, whispering Steve’s name repeatedly as his grip around them tightens then loosens.

Chests heaving, legs shaking, they stare at each other in the glow of the moonlight.

“I normally last a lot longer,” Steve breaks the silence.

Eddie breaks into loud laughter, head falling onto Steve’s shoulder before he realizes that the water is too high to do that without getting wet. He drops his legs and stands, keeping his arms wrapped around Steve’s waist for stability.

“New record for me, too, baby.”

“Next time, we’ll take our time.” Steve promises not only Eddie, but himself. He knows he has better self control than what Eddie just witnessed.

“You wanna head inside and take our time there?” Eddie’s smirking at him, fingers playfully teasing his sides under the water.

“Not sure I can be quiet enough.”

“Even if you bite a pillow?” Eddie pouts.

“I can be pretty loud,” Steve laughs, poking his bottom lip back to normal. “Plus, I’d like to be in one of our own beds when we ma- have sex.”

“Oh my god. Were you gonna say make love?” Eddie is squeezing his arms around him, lifting Steve up so most of his chest is out of the water. Steve’s hands rest against his shoulders, fingertips pruned from being in the water for a while.

“Maybe I was.” Steve knows he’s a sap. He doesn’t care if Eddie thinks it’s silly or stupid, but he does wanna avoid blowing this before it even has a chance to begin.

Eddie must see something in his eyes to keep him from pushing it more. He lets him back down slowly, soft smile on his face.

“I love that you care that much.” Eddie kisses the corner of Steve’s mouth. “I promise we’ll hold off on making love until we’re back home.”

Steve smiles shyly back at him.

“But I wouldn’t be opposed to getting my mouth on you after we shower.”

Steve smacks Eddie’s arm and rolls his eyes.

“You’re ridiculous. I love you.”

“You really do, don’t you?” Eddie sounds awestruck, like it’s suddenly hit him that this is happening, that Steve feels this much for him.

“I really do.”

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

Waking up in Steve’s arms for the second morning in a row felt too good to be true.

Most of this trip had felt too good to be true. Last night definitely felt like a dream.

He lets his eyes track over Steve’s bare chest, his neck, his lips pouting out as he sleeps. His eyelids are fluttering, but he’s still asleep, probably coming out of a dream.

Eddie’s fingers trace what’s left of the scar around his neck, touch light enough that Steve wouldn’t feel it in his sleep. He thinks about Steve’s bravery, how he dived head first into everything, be it protecting people from monsters or falling in love. Eddie knows Steve went without medical care after most run-ins in the Upside Down, and had only gotten some last time when Wayne insisted he do so while Eddie was in surgery.

The neck scars faded after they were patched up by a nurse, but many of his other wounds were deeper and infected, leaving a permanent reminder on his back and sides much like Eddie’s.

He traced along the outer lines of one of the scars shaped like a heart on his chest. Steve insisted it was just a weird oval, but Eddie insisted that it was a heart over his heart.

His chest hair has grown back in around it, nearly covering it up if you didn’t look close enough.

Eddie is close enough now.

It’s definitely a heart.

“Not sure how I feel about you staring at my chest that close,” Steve’s raspy voice fills his ear and he looks up to see Steve’s sleepy eyes looking at him. “Max at least had the decency to look from a distance.”

“Ha.” Eddie fake laughs. “I was just admiring your bountiful chest hair and the heart you wear on your sleeve.”

“It’s not a heart,” Steve groans as he covers Eddie’s head with his arms, pulling him on top of him. “You’re just blinded by love.”

“Who knew I’d be the optimist in this relationship?” Eddie breathes against Steve’s lips.

“Probably everyone who’s ever seen me in a relationship.” Steve kisses him quick, just a peck. “Let me up.”

“You’re the one who put me here.” Eddie doesn’t move. “Take me with you if you need to go so badly.”

“Eds, c’mon. I gotta brush my teeth.”

“So do I.”

Steve sighs. Eddie smiles.

“Fine.”

As Steve stands from the bed, Eddie wraps his legs around his waist, a mirror image to their time in the lake. Eddie’s not actually expecting Steve to carry him more than a few steps, but he blushes when he makes it all the way to the bedroom door.

“Still wanna come with me?” Steve raises his eyebrows like he knows Eddie didn’t expect him to take it this far.

“Can you seriously carry me down the hall?”

Steve stares blankly back at him. “I carried you for almost a mile when we got out of the Upside Down.”

“Touché.”

Steve manages to open the door with one hand before it goes back to Eddie’s leg, hoisting him up further so he has a better grip. Eddie just stares down at Steve’s face in amazement.

“Hey Wayne,” Steve says as they pass Wayne’s room. “Sleep okay?”

“Uh huh. There a reason you’re carrying the prince?” Wayne asks, causing Eddie to turn his head and scowl. “Wake up grumpy?”

“Woke up lazy.” Steve responded as he continued on the journey to the bathroom.

Once there, Steve set Eddie down on the floor and handed him his toothbrush. They brush their teeth together, smiling when they catch each other's eye in the mirror.

“Will you kiss me for real now?” Eddie asks after they’ve finished.

“Are you gonna walk to the kitchen by yourself or will I have to carry you?” Steve retorts.

“Your kiss will give me the power to make it.”

Steve snorts a laugh and leans in, his palm resting against Eddie’s jaw to pull him the last inch or so. The kiss is nothing like their back and forth. Steve consumes him, and Eddie lets him.

He doesn’t know how long they stand there, but he thinks it must be longer than they should.

Wayne clears his throat from the doorway. “Didn’t realize this was a part of brushin’ teeth these days.”

Eddie leaps away from Steve, panicked at the thought of Wayne knowing suddenly. He’s been out to Wayne for so long, he forgets that others probably aren’t comfortable being so open. Steve especially, who’s mentioned before that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to come out to everyone until he was sure they’d be okay with it.

“Relax, Ed. I clocked Steve months ago.” Wayne pushes past them to grab his toothbrush and toothpaste. “Move your relations outta here.”

“Relations?” Eddie gags. “Way to ruin the moment.”

“Sorry to ruin your delicate sensibilities. Get out.”

Steve pushes Eddie out of the small bathroom before he can respond. Eddie decides to focus on Steve’s hands on him instead of arguing further.

“Should we make breakfast?” Steve asks as they walk back to the bedroom to get dressed.

“I shouldn’t ever touch an oven, but I’ll watch you lovingly while you make breakfast, darling,” Eddie bats his eyelashes at Steve, who throws his shirt at him. “That’s not very nice. Did I not, and I quote, suck the soul-“

Steve’s hand covers his mouth while he sputters to cover Eddie’s voice from traveling out of the room.

“Jesus, the mouth on you.”

“That’s what you said last night.” Eddie’s words are muffled under Steve’s hand, but they both laugh. “I can make toast.”

“I’ll make the rest.”

Eddie spends the morning touching Steve as much as possible.

He spends the afternoon sneaking kisses and holding him in the hammock set up on the porch thanks to Wayne’s creativity.

He spends the evening watching Wayne and Steve fish while he drinks a beer and hands them whatever they need.

This is a peace that may only last until they leave tomorrow, but something tells him that this is only the beginning of a future Eddie never could’ve pictured for himself.

🎣🎣🎣🎣🎣🎣

five years later

Wayne slams the truck door a bit harder than he means to. The rain just started coming down harder and he wanted to get his bag in the cabin before it got worse.

When he enters the front door, the scent of freshly baked cookies wafts through the air and he smiles.

“Made it, boys!” He yells, though he’s pretty sure speaking at a normal volume would’ve been enough. The cabin hasn’t changed much, but Steve insisted on opening up the front portion so it felt more welcoming.

“Wayne!” Steve exclaims as he pops up from behind the counter of the kitchen. “You just missed Eddie. He went out to the trail.”

Wayne gives Steve a tight hug. At Steve’s frown, he laughs. “Sorry ‘bout the wet clothes. Started raining the last couple miles in and got heavier just as I was leavin’ the truck.”

“Oh no.” Steve groaned.

Just as he spoke, the back door slammed open and Eddie dropped his camera bag on the floor.

Wayne and Steve both took in the sight of him, drenched from head to toe, dripping onto the tile floor, and laughed.

“I hate the outdoors.”

“You’re a nature photographer. You hate the rain.” Steve walks over to him, still laughing under his breath. He picks up the bag before leaning in to kiss his cheek.

Wayne watches the exchange, fighting tears back at the reason he was invited to their cabin this weekend.

Eddie was proposing to Steve and wanted Wayne to be there to capture it with his camera. He didn’t care that Wayne was an old man who could barely operate a camera, he just wanted someone to do it.

He knew Eddie was also a little nervous and having Wayne there would help keep him calm.

Why he was nervous, Wayne didn’t know.

They couldn’t legally get married, but they might as well be anyway.

“Wayne!” Eddie bounces over to him and throws his arms around him, forgetting for a moment that he’s soaked. “You’re here!”

“I’m here. I’d like to be less wet, though.”

Eddie backs up and Wayne pats his shoulder.

“Both of you should go get changed. Dinner’s ready in ten minutes.” Steve interrupts on his way to put Eddie’s camera bag in their room.

“Yes, dear,” Eddie replies. Steve turns and glares for a moment before continuing on his way. Once he’s out of sight, Eddie sighs. “God, I love that man.”

“That’s why I’m here, ain’t it?” Wayne playfully shoves at Eddie’s arm. “We better listen to him. I’m starvin’ and I think he’d make us fend for ourselves if we show up at the table dripping wet.”

As Wayne changes, he can hear Steve laughing in their room, Eddie talking about something he saw outside in the usual dramatic way he spoke. He thinks back to the first time he brought his boys here together, how hushed they tried to be, how hesitant.

He looked over at a photo Eddie framed for this room so Wayne had something when he came to stay.

Paul was smiling at the camera, arm wrapped around Eddie’s shoulders, Wayne looking at both of them with a smile. He remembers laughing right after the picture was taken, and giving in and buying them both cotton candy. They insisted it wouldn’t make them sick, then proceeded to both rush to the nearest garbage can after they got off the Gravitron at the fair.

“Wayne! Steve’s bullying me!” Eddie yells.

“You probably deserve it!” He yells back.

“Unbelievable!” Eddie screams.

“Ha!” Steve yells.

Wayne shakes his head as he makes his way out to the chaos he chose to be a part of this weekend.

[russellsppttemplates]

Straight from the heart (Lando Norris)

It takes a bad race for Lando to notice how much he has neglected your relationship, and he can only hope he can fix it

Note: english is not my first language. I was fighting the other piece I was writing so I jumped to this one and I did something a little bit different (* cough cough * longer) and see how it goes! I'm not sure how good this is (or how much you will want to kill me), but I promise this has a happy ending!! 🥹🫶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: relationship struggles, curse words

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

The result on the screen was not the one you hoped. Lando had a wonderful race, but a mixture of bad strategy calls, dark rain clouds appearing on the sky with only a couple of laps left to finish the race and the wrong tire compound made him lose a good number of places, cars overtaking him in the last seven laps.

"Is the race over?", you mother asked as she stepped inside the living room, carrying the curtains she had left out to dry and proceeding to hang them back in their place.

"Yes, just now", your father said as he adjusted the volume on the TV, "let me help you, darling", he offered, getting up and standing beside your mum in case she got out of balance.

"Are you going to call Lando?", your mother asked once her squinty eyes read the position he had finished in. Even though the prescription glasses were on the table, she insisted she didn't want any mishaps after she accidentally dropped her last pair while she was gardening and one of your younger cousins found a rusty frame a couple of months later when he was over.

"I'm not, I don't think - he's flying back tonight and the timezone is so different, I don't want to bother him", you blurted defensively, making up excuses as you went along with your answer, "he's doing the interviews, and I'm sure the debrief will be long and torturous - he will need his rest to fly back", you stated as you got up, "I have to check on the project I handed in on Friday, the professor said he would post the grades around this time and if we want to appel, we have to do it right away - I'll be in my bedroom".

The subject was an open wound that stung everytime you so much heard a mention of it, let one having to seem completely okay with it when it ripped through your heart.

The calendar on your wall is full of stickers, both with notes, urgent matters and things you couldn't forget. It's the last stretch, you tell yourself, one more week and then it's done and you'll have a well deserved break.

A knock on your door catches your attention as you reply with the allowance to let whoever is on the other side in, "is something wrong?", you asked. Lately, the negative side of your mind was the first one to speak.

"That's what I want to ask you - that conversation we just had downstairs was not your usual self", she sighed as she pointed to the living room, "I've noticed you haven't mentioned him much, but I don't want to intrude or offer my help because I know you don't like meddling", your mother looked for your eyes before you could fully focus on the wooden floor.

"Things have been rough between us lately", you sighed, "Lando is keeping me at a distance, and I don't know the reason why, mum", you shrugged, "I don't know if it's because I've known him all my life and the comparison is so profound, but it seems he only cares about racing and his friends, and I'm nowhere in the mix. We rarely call eachother, no texting - I know the triple headers are intense, but all I got from him were reactions to my stories and a little video from Max where he's in it and said something to me", you recalled, "I can't be the only one making an effort, can I? Either he realised where this is going and we catch it while we can, or I don't know where this is going, I don't know where we're going".

Your mother's heart broke as she saw you allow the tears you had held on to fall freely, your sleeves bunched up on your hands to wipe them, "and have you talked about this? A long, grown-up and serious conversation?", she mused.

"We have barely been with eachother, mum!", you whispered shakily as more tears got caught on your throat.

"Couples go through phases, darling - do you think me and your father was all smooth sailing?", she tried to get you to smile as she brushed your hair while she hugged you, "you need to talk to eachother, seriously and let it all out, nothing is off limits because that's how you'll get to where you need to".

You kept your head on your mother's chest, accepting her comforting hold despite being an adult. A mother's hold was truly the best.

You hoped she was right and this was something that would pass. A rough patch that you and Lando would work through a look back on with a sense of accomplishment.

This wasn't how you and Lando end, is it?

.

Max and Lando headed for the plane as soon as they left the race track, having made prior arrangements to had their luggage there waiting for them once they arrived. Max was the first to sit down and get himself comfortable on the seat, texting his girlfriend to let her know they were leaving.

"Y/N hasn't called or even texted me, nothing", Lando mumbled, "didn't she watch the race? Doesn't she know that I need her?".

Max weighed in the good and the bad that his next few words could do. He could either be honest and encourage his best friend to finally come to his senses, or keep covering the lie and perpetuate the suffering and miscommunications.

"This is not how I wanted to do this - truth be told, I never wanted to have to do it", Max rambled off.

Lando was quick to notice that there was more to it than just this instance, "you know something - she's my girlfriend, Max, if something is happening, I deserve to know", he said in an antsy tone.

"Are you really so blind to it? Have you not noticed it yet? Damn it, Lando, I've been on your side, trying to clean it up and now I'm questioning it", Max declared as Lando only grew more confused.

"What am I missing Max?", Lando snapped, even catching his own self off guard at the reaction he had.

"Mate, think about the last couple of months and whether or not you have been a good boyfriend, or even the boyfriend Y/N deserves", Max offered.

Lando wasn't expecting that answer or point of view.

The last couple of months roll through his memory as if he's watching a movie and when he tries to select the moments he spent with you, he finds himself struggling to gather any at all. He can't remember any of the times you spent together, and considering his memory isn't that bad, it could only mean those moments didn't even happen. Thinking about it, he can remember the last time he held you in his arms, just the two of you.

"Fuck!", Lando shouted, punching the arm rest.

"Glad you figured that one out almost all on your own", Max tsked, "do you really think you deserve any interaction from Y/N? Thought so", Max muttered. He didn't like the situation his friends found themselves in, and he certainly didn't feel any joy in the words he told Lando, but the truth wasn't always easy to hear.

"Seems Y/N doesn't think so either", Lando mumbled, "do you know anything? Has she told you anything?".

He wasn't sure he deserved to know, but he needed to.

"The last time I spoke to her she didn't say anything - you know how Y/N doesn't want to bother anyone with her things and getting information from her is harder than solving the world's problems -, but P and her talk here and there", Max reasoned, "she obviously won't tell me all the details but from what I can tell, Y/N has really taken a toll because of this, P is always quite upset whenever it comes up", Max offered. Quite upset wouldn't cover it, so much so that, unbeknownst to Lando, the last couple of time Max's girlfriend couldn't join them for their plans was an orchestrated excuse from her to avoid being in the same room as the McLaren driver.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!", Lando groaned into his hands, "how could I not realise this was happening?".

"You want the honest, blunt truth?", Max asked and Lando nodded, "I know it's your job, but lately, it's all been about racing, and I think you've neglected Y/N ", Max offered.

McLaren had a one hundred and eighty degree turn lately. From struggling to get their cars in the points, the team had managed to turn things around to the point where P5 and P8 was considered a bad weekend for them.

With the new signings, Quadrant had grown exponentially and it had naturally drawn him to spend more time on it, and it seemed to have alienated everyone in his life that wasn't directly a part of those.

It wasn't intentional, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. And by the looks of it, the person Lando loved and cared about most was also the one he hurt the most.

They both sat in silence as the British drive thought about all of it. Things got so good that he didn't look back, he worked his hardest and gave every piece of himself to the cause and the new territory he was paving. Being on the podium was a common feature for him, and the race win was there, up for grabs and he wanted it. Yet, he had been dazzled by it and had let himself fly higher, his characteristic "both head and feet on the ground" posture no longer present and resulting in a degree of neglection for the things and people thay mattered to him.have always been important to me.

"How did I push away the most important person in my life and I'm just now realizing this?", Lando asked, not really expecting an answer, but rather to let out all the frustration that boiled inside him, anger soon following at his late realisation, "what's worse is that I've only come to realise this because you had to tell me - stupid, stupid, stupid".

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, mate, and frankly there isn't much I can, but look on the bright side: now you have a chance to fix it", Max tries to comfort Lando.

"What if it's too late? What if Y/N doesn't want to be with me anymore?", Lando voicesd his deepest fear. What if the anger had finally got to you and you wanted to call it quits?

"Wouldn't you be able to understand that? I don't think that is the case - I've never seen two people who love eachtoher more than you two, it's as disgusting as it it lovely most times. And even though she might feel angry or hurt, I believe she has it in her to forgive you", Max states.

"I hope you're right", Lando sighed as he tapped his phone, his finger hovering over your contact.

"I wouldn't do that", Max chirped, "you should rest before diving into anything about that topic, and today has had too many emotions as it is. Tomorrow is a new day for you to think about it", he advised.

With his head on the headrest, Lando went over everything that occupied his mind, allowing the heavy sinking feeling to settle in. To a degree, he deserved the discomfort he felt. Shame, guilt, frustration, remorse, embarrassment, overwhelm, sadness.

What if he had destroyed the thing that made him the happiest? If I managed to single out the person who loved him for him?

.

Lan 🧡

Hello. You were probably expecting a text or a call, but the last few days haven't been easy and I needed to ground myself a little. We really need to talk, Y/N. Do you think we can grab lunch today?

It irritated you how quick your heart was beating the minute you saw who sent you the text after you submitted all the projects that you had left. Battling an inner fight of whether or not you should answer it, you decided to so it. Rip the band-aid off, Y/N.

To Lan 🧡

Hello... We do urgently need to talk. I'm on my own today - where do you want to go?

Your tone was cold and unusual when you compared it to the older messages, filled with hearts and the pet names you had for eachother.

We can go to that café by the marina, the one with the paninis you really like.

Yes, we'll meet here at one pm.

Do you want me to pick you up?

No, I'll walk.

Your sunglasses are good enough to hide the nervous gloom on them as you walked to the marina. There is no script or guideline to go about this lunch other than honesty and finally admitting everything you were feeling. It could go either way and, truth be told, you believed it would go down the way it was supposed to.

Stepping on the wooden path to the small café's outside area, you looked for the boy whose arms were where you used to feel safe.

Lando chose a table that overlooked the water, the warm sun shinning and bringing out the blue of it. It would be a big conversation, and while the café wasn't crowded, he never knew how things could pan out so he went for the most demure spot.

When you take a proper look at him, it surprises you. His eyes are not shiny like they usually are - there's a dark hue surrounding them along with sadness.

"Hey", you utter out to grab his attention.

The moment he faces you, you feel naked despite the summery dress you have on. All vulnerabilities exposed for the person who knows you best and who can read you like the back of his hand.

"Hello, hi", Lando cleared his throat, "how have you been?".

Setting your bag on the chair, you shrugged, not ready to engage in casual chit chat.

"Do you already know what you are having?", he wondered.

"The italian panini and iced tea", you mumbled after looking at the menu he handed you, "have you ordered yet?", you mused before calling the waiter to do so.

The silence between you after the waiter left the table was painful and hard to digest. You avoided looking at his colourful eyes - once you did it, breaking down would be in an instant.

"We really need to talk, Y/N", Lando says.

"Do you want to go first? Or shall I?", you asked bitterly, accepting his silence.

The waiter comes back with your orders. The café doesn't have a big menu and it's mostly empty, so the service was quick, "I hope you enjoy it - Bon appétit!", he interrupted the tension filled moment.

"I recognise I need to apologize to you for all the things I did without realizing it an-", Lando was cut off by you.

"Let me stop you there before this derails", you stated, "I'm here to have a serious, grown up conversation, so I'm not going to sit here and listen to dusty and beaten up childish excuses".

If the ground could sink him into it, Lando would've accepted it gladly.

"It's a start that you have realised that something was wrong, but you can't excuse yourself like that, Lando. Not when this situation has taken proportions that you can't fanthom - you can't get away with being sorry for not noticing what you were causing", you argued.

Lando gave you a nod, "I'm still not sure about all the things that led us to this point and what it entails, and that's why I wanted you here. I don't want to be blind to it anymore - I want to get all of it so all the pieces make sense in my head. You probably won't believe it, Y/N, but I'm so lost in this. I feel like I've lived a parallel universe for the past couple of months", Lando added all in one go.

"When did your feet come back to the ground?", you mused, "when did you feel like maybe things weren't the way they should be?". The curiosity was killing you, and the answer could very well do the last stab.

"When I lost all of those places in the race", Lando gulped, "I expected you to call and to hear your comforting words, and they never came. Max was the one to bring my mind to the matter", he admitted and you could see he was the opposite of proud of his own actions, "How I've been the worst boyfriend in the world and how I deserved that you didn't call - hell, I'm not even sure if I deserve that you're here today and willing to listen to what I have to say".

It's difficult to maintain a tough appearance and pretend that his words don't affect you, but alas, you keep your armour on.

"That afternoon was a struggle for me, Lando. I wanted nothing more than to call you and hear your voice, silence your cornerns and negative thoughts, let you know that you're the best driver out there and that a bad race doesn't define you. That it wasn't your fault and that you shouldn't beat yourself up because of it, that I was still so proud of you and how you handled things and that nothing could keep me from shouting to the rooftops. But you didn't deserve it, my dignity has been punched by your actions day in day out for the past couple of months and I couldn't take it anymore".

"I need you to hear things from your side, I need to know your perspective so I can understand what I did wrong and if I'm able to fix it still", Lando asks desperately.

"We should start from the beggining then", you laced your hands on top of the table after taking a bite of your panini, "I think it was at the end of the last season - at the time it didn't seem like it, but looking at it now, it was the start. I even took some time off and travelled with you so we could enjoy your break, then I came back for university. It's never easy, I know, but up until then we never had any issues with it - even if it was a bloody run, we made time for eachother. Then, you barely texted, let alone call - but all relationships hit rough patches and I thought that it was ours. Then Christmas came around and we finally felt like us again, there were no work or uni commitments, and it was bliss. After that, life happened again and I couldn't find a way to spend time with you - there was always a Quadrant video to film or a meeting or some event. You, Max and Martin went to Bali, and despite the fact that I didn't have any exams and could easily do university stuff remotely - like I do everytime - you didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to go or if I had planned something for us in the first place. I just took it for granted that you would spend it with me, but when P showed me the photos I looked like a fool and an ungrateful friend and girlfriend because I stayed back, Lando. I never felt so humiliated. Max had his girlfriend and you didn't, you ignored me as if I didn't matter to you", you breathed out. Ruminating was one thing, talking about it out loud was another. The latter angered you less and hurt more.

"I'm sorry", Lando murmured and you were quick to shoot it down.

"I don't need you to apologize now, Lando. What I needed was for you to make a decision then, one that considered me and what I wanted", you sighed, wiping a stubborn tear that got out, "after that, I just watched you pull further and further away, and I tried to get closer, work things out, but you wouldn't let me in. You floated and floated and I stayed here, both feet glued to the ground as I watched you go higher and higher. You were never like this, letting things get to your head wasn't something you ever did, but it happened. You alienated me in such a way that for this triple header, I didn't hear your voice once unless it was from the TV or the McLaren social media. You only wanted to call when you needed comfort, and it hurts that it took Max to help you see things the way they are", you state as tears fell uncontrollably down your cheeks.

Apart from your earlier bite, both wooden serving boards look full and no one made a move to go further.

"You told me time and time again that you would always be there for me, but when I was the one needing a cuddle and reassuring words, I was all alone in my bedroom, crying because of you. When you said you'd be there for me, I guess you failed to account for the fact that you can't protect me from yourself.. Because what hurt me these past couple of months was you", you declared, sniffling and, finally, looking into Lando's swollen and tear-filled eyes.

The tears Lando has been holding back fell. He was angry with himself, at how he had done the one thing he promise not to do to you. He made you hurt, he was the reason you were in pain and he couldn't keep you from feeling it.

"I wish I could tell you there was a reason behind it and that it all has some justification, but there isn't and I can't lie to you. I was propelled from the results and the promise that this could be our year - my year - and everything else faded away. I know it's not any help, but I'm not proud of what I did, and definitely not proud of the way I made you hurt - I wish I could turn back time and do it differently", Lando confessed.

"I needed you, Lando", she bit back.

Lando couldn't find any words after that and once you began eating the now cold panini, he followed your movements, granting you the quietest meal you ever shared with him. Lando was playful, loud, cheery and giggly on any other day. As much as it nagged you that your words were the ones to dim that light, you had to put yourself first. Someone had to.

"Can we walk along the marina?", Lando asked once you finished eating, earning your nod to his surprise.

You both get up, Lando paying for your meal at the front before you left the establishment. You walked along, looking at the luxurious boats and yachts before you found a part of the wall that you was comfortable enough to sit on, remaining in silence as you watched a couple of people unlock their yachts and sailing away.

Lando wanted to say something, to prove to you that he was sorry and that he still loves you more than anything, but the fear of saying the wrong thing and hurting you even deeper was not something he wanted to risk.

"You're going to break up with me, aren't you?", Lando voiced the biggest worry on his mind since he left his apartment.

"I walked here, so I had time to think about all of this, and all I could think was that I was going to meet you there, be reminded of all the pain you made me feel, and then we wouldn't see a solution to this. And on my way here, it got harder because I passed by the shop where we always go for croissants, and then that park where I tripped and you carried me home because of my bruised knee even though I could walk just fine, the bench where that lady asked if Mila was our daughter when your brother visited. And when I arrived at the café and saw you, I knew there was no way I could do it", you half smiled.

"I struggled to see what was happening, and I didn't see what was clearly in front of me, and I know I can't undo all of the crap that I've made", Lando pointed out, "but I can say that I love you, Y/N. I love you even more than when I asked you to be my girlfriend, which I never thought was possible, but everyday I love you a little bit more. I know I won't be able to love anyone the way I love you and, honestly, I'm not sure who I am without you, because I've turned into a person I don't recognise anymore and I'm afraid that if I don't have you around, this is the real me, and I don't like it. You make me a better person - since day one! I'll love you forever, but I also understand that you don't need this pressure in your life and that you want us to be over. I deserve that", Lando mumbled.

As much as the idea of not being with you hurt him, he knew it didn't equate to the pain he caused you hence why he deserved it if you dumped him.

"You're making it so hard", your groaned rubbing your temples, "It would have been so much easier if you had told me that you didn't care about this, that you didn't care about me anymore".

"That's never going to happen, Y/N", Lando assured you.

"It would be so much easier if I told you to fuck yourself off, wouldn't it?", you chuckled and Lando got to see a small glimpse of the world's best smile, "but I can't do it - I do think, though, that we need to take some time, for both of us to work on our own things", you suggested.

"I get it, you can have all the time and space you need, Y/N", Lando nodded, "would it be too much to ask if I asked you for another shot?", he wondered as you quirked an eyebrow, "I know you just asked me for some time, and I'll give it to you, but I'm not going to let you entertain the thought that I don't care about you or that I don't love you any longer. I'm still the same person you met all those years ago and I want to remind you why you fell in love with me in the first place - if that's even the case", he blurted, "please".

"Slow steps, okay?", you mused with a small small.

"Is it still the case?", Lando picked up where he left off, "are you still in love with me?".

"If I wasn't in love with you and if I didn't love you, trust me, I wouldn't be here", you smiled, squeezing his hand in yours on top of the warm stone.

.

Over the last couple of days, you felt lighter. University was finally over for the semester and you could rest, and the whole situation with Lando was better. Even though it hurt to tell him all of those things and see his reaction, and even if Lando still had a lot to make up for, you had to admit you didn't expect to feel like this right away. The right path was being trailed and you couldn't feel more at peace with it.

So far, he kept his respectful distance, which didn't mean that you didn't know he was there. Two days after you met him in the marina, Lando sent you a bunch of flowers to your doorstep, your mother being the one to bring them up to your bedroom since she was arriving from work as the delivery man was about to knock on the door, smirking when she saw who it was from.

You were getting ready to go out for a picnic with Lando. The sunny day invited you to go out and Lando seemed to think the same, sending you a quick text with the location and plan ideas.

"Where are you off to?", your mother asked as she noticed you looking for your hat, "you look very nice, dear".

"Lando invited me for a picnic", you offered her a smile despite the butterfly feeling on your tummy.

"I'm glad you're working things out, Y/N - I know how much you care about him. And even if he hurt you, he's doing the work to get you back - a lot of men would just give up, but not Lando", your mother nudged. She always liked him despite her initial concerns when he moved up the racing ladder and the toll it would take on you. For a brief moment, she was upset that she had been right, but she never lost the hope that the young man dating her daughter would fight for them and for her. For you.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be out, but if I'm not home for dinner, don't worry too much", you added, waving at her before closing the door.

You drove yourself to the park, politely declining Lando's offer to pick you up. As you followed the directions, you spotted Lando under one of the trees, seemingly battling with the corner of the picnic blanket.

"Hey, need help with that?", you called as you approached him, noticing his flustered face at getting caught.

"Hey! It's fine, it's fine", he dusted off his shorts, "I didn't fold the corner properly, never mind iron this", he grumbled.

"We're going to sit on it, I don't think we needed it ironed", you smiled, setting your small backpack on the blanket and occupying the space that wasn't covered with glass containers and pape bags, noticing the logo of your favourite bakery and the sweets shop near Lando's apartment.

"So, I baked these - who knew my oven works, hm?", he joked as he pulled out some granola bars that smelled delicious, "Jon did give me the recipe, but I made them! He says they don't have any harmful raw ingredients in them so there's no danger if they're not cooked properly".

"You could've told me to bring something too", you sighed, "you had all this trouble and I'm just going to sit here and eat it", you reasoned.

"I think we've gathered that I deserve all this trouble, even though I didn't mind doing it - I think I finally get it when people say they find baking relaxing, even if I just threw some oats and syrup on a bowl with nuts and chocolate", Lando shrugged.

You smiled at his antics, "this looks lovely, Lan - thank you", before you grabbed a paper napkin to grab the food.

Lando's heart did a little backflip at the pet name - when he thought about it, he can't remember the last time you called him anything other than his name.

He wiped the thought away as he noticed you get one of the paper bags, "It was no trouble, but I did have to make sure the lady at the pastry shop knew I was the next in line because there was this lady, you should've seen her, she was, like, eighty? I don't know, maybe more than that, and she was very posh and very proper and she was trying to cut in line! Then she started saying something in French and I was like 'no can do, madam! I need to get these croissants for my girlfri- for Y/N because they're her favourites' - I bet she wanted to get them first but I did!", he dramatised the scene, earning your loud laugh. How much he missed that sound.

"Seems like it was a little troublesome, though", you teased. Inside your chest, your heart beat fast at his efforts.

"You're worth it", he smiled before taking a bite of the granola bar, "not to toot my own horn, but for someone who eats pre-prepared meals, this is amazing! Try these!", he offered, forming a shell with his hand before he brought it up to your mouth.

For anyone else, this would be just another set of cute behaviours, but for you, it carried a sense of intimacy you hadn't felt in a while. Taking a bite of it and chewing, you had to admit the balance of the nutty taste and the chocolate was on point, "it is good, Lan! You should make granola bars more often - might even make a side business out of it!", you smiled.

"Charles has some ice-cream, there's alcohol from the other guys too - me? Granola bars", he smiled, eating the rest of it and looking at you. He would never be stupid again. He would never take you for granted. Never ever.

The conversation flowed once you started eating, mainly pointing out the new swings in the park or the pretty blooms that were showing up, and even though you weren't acting like you would had it not happened, it was comfortable and Lando had definitely put some effort into this.

"Thank you for this, Lando", you smiled after you helped him clean up the supplies, making sure he wouldn't have any spills and trouble taking the rest home.

"It's alright, really", Lando mumbled as blood rushed to his cheeks, "it wasn't much, but I wanted to make sure you remembered I'm still in and that I love you more than anything", he smiled, closing the basket and getting up with it to walk back to the car, "which actually brings me to an invite I want to make you", he went back to mumbling again.

The invite was a risk, he knew it. After all, it was the reason that got your relationship here in the first place. Yet, he wanted you there and he thought it would be good. Adding to it, it would be the way that he could make sure he was able to see you as it would be a busy day.

"What is it?", you asked as you walked with him.

"The day after tomorrow, we're going karting - Max and P are coming over for a few days, they arrive tomorrow - and I was wondering if you wanted to join us", he invited, "I know it's not the best environment to be in given al-", he started rambling.

"I'd love to go, Lando", you assured, touching his arm confortingly, "I might need a ride though, if you don't mind doing the detour", you pointed out.

"It's fine, of course we'll pick you up!", he smiled, happy and excited at your answer.

"That's me", you nodded to your mother's car, unlocking it with the key, "thank you so much for this, Lan, I appreciate it a lot", you smiled, raising your stance so you could kiss his cheek, "will you text me the details when you know, please?".

"Yes! Absolutely!", he gave you a big smile again, "until then, Y/N!", he waved.

As Lando walked back to his car, there was an extra spring up on his step, a new found energy and a smile that insisted on not disappearing from his lips.

Little by little, he was slowly getting you back.

.

"Why are we going this way?", Max asked as Lando took the first exit on the roundabout, "isn't the track that way?".

Lando couldn't contain his smile, "we're going to pick Y/N up first".

Max and Pietra exchanged a look before rhe blonde woman spoke up, "you finally came to your senses?".

"P!", Max scolded.

"It's alright, Max - she's not wrong", Lando added, "but yes, I have, and I'm working on it, respecting her but making sure she knows how much I regret it, how sorry and how bad I feel that it happened and how I'm trying my hardest to make sure it does happen again", Lando turned around once he stopped at the red light, "Thank you for looking after her when I didn't, P. I know you have been a good friend to her, so thank you for that", he added.

"She didn't deserve what you did to her, but I'm happy you figured it out and that you're working on it - I don't say it too often, but if you two ever broke up, I would consider that true love isn't a thing, what you two have is something else entirely", she smiled.

"Excuse me?!", Max dramatised, "what did you just say?".

"Did I lie, Max? Who was it that came home in a nervous fit without any fingernails because they bit all of them off after Lando realised what happened? The same person who couldn't even sleep because of it? Who was it, hm?", she quesioned her boyfriend.

Lando chuckled at his friends, thinking that they really had been made for one another, "you two make me look like the sanest person inside this car", he shook his head, pressing the pedal and turning into your street.

There you were, the person he was sure was made for him too. Your outfit was simple, consisting of black jeans, black trainers, a shirt sleeve polo and a cardigan on your arm.

"Hi guys!", you greeted, getting inside the car and kissing Pietra's cheek before putting your seatbelt on.

"Why don't I get a kiss?", Max pouted.

"Because you stink, that's why", Lando chirped in, "all ready to go back there?", he mused, sending you a wink from the rear view mirror.

Blushing, you nodded before looking at Pietra again, accepting her hand in yours as she gave it a squeeze. For the whole drive to the track, you engaged light conversation, mainly listening to the plans they had for the clips they were filming before they raced eachother since you and P would happily drive around in the karts just to pass the time.

For the first segment, you stayed on the stands, watching the team get the equipment ready.

"How have you been, Y/N?", Pietra asked as she handed you a bottle of water she had gone to her and taking a sip of her own.

"I've been well - university is finally done with and I can actually have a thought that doesn't involve it", you giggled, "and Lando is home", you offered.

"Now, I wasn't going to be so blunt, but that is the subject I wanted to get at", she raised her eyebrows playfully.

"He's... Goodness, he's Lando again, my Lando", you sighed happily, "surely, it still stings a little and we need to work through our issues, but we're trailing our way through them. Learning our ways together - it's a bit like falling in love again and it's such a good feeling", you blushed at your admission, "it's doing us well and we're going with it, and not out of it", you smiled.

"Y/N", Pietra cooed, "you have no idea how make that makes me! It's so good to see you so happy and hopeful", she squeezed your arm, "I was ready to avenge you on him, by the way, Max did us both a favour in telling him, because I was sure what I wanted to do to Lando was considered a crime and I'm a good person", she raised her hands defensively.

Once the boys were done, Max waved at you to come down and meet them, giving them the time to get your equipment ready.

"Come here, I need to make sure you don't fly out of your kart this time", Max called his girlfriend after she was fully equipped to go on the single seater.

You finished the makeshift hairstyle before you looked for the helmet, finding it in Lando's hands, "come here, big head, I'll help you put it on", he smiled.

As you approached him, you could see his sudden nervousness at having you so close to him, hands setting the helmet on top of your head and then pulling in on, "Look who's talking", you mumbled quickly before it was all the way in, his fingers gingerly touching your neck as he did the strap buckle.

"All good for our speed daredevils?", Max joked, getting an instant slap from Pietra before he got up.

"Does it feel safe, Y/N?", Lando checked with you, making you wiggle a little to make sure you were strapped tightly enough, making you flash his two thumbs up.

"Ready, set, go!", Max yelled before you and Pietra went off, happily driving on the track despite not extracting the full potential out of the kart.

"You and Y/N seem well", Max offered as him and Lando took a break before they joined you back at the track.

"I don't think I'll ever stop feeling this guilt on my chest, it's like a weird weight that sits here and gets heavy every now and again", Lando explained, "but I think we're going in the right direction, and I'm going to spend every day of our lives making sure it never happens again. Y/N will never doubt my love or affection for her. I just want to make her happy now that she knows I know how much I screwed us up".

"I'm proud of you, man", Max tapped his back.

"You're what?", Lando asked, a little flustered at his bestfriends words.

"I'm proud of you, Lando - you're dealing with this in such a good way! I'm not saying I doubted you would, but seeing you actually do it and make it happen in such a grown up, loving and accountability filled way makes me proud of who you became. As much as I joke about it, what P said in the car was true - you and Y/N are it. Whenever I think about what endgame is, you two are the first thing that comes to mind", he admitted.

"Thanks, mate", Lando replied earnestly.

After a couple of laps from you, you saw the boys joining you in the track, making you assure that whenever they lapped you, you made a Mario Kart like noise, always managing to get a smile and a headshake from Lando and Max.

Once you were done, Max and Pietra volunteered to take all of the supplies back to the storage room.

"Did you enjoy your day, Y/N?", Lando asked as he approached you.

Surprising him, you nodded before you hugged him, "I haven't been this happy in a long time", you cuddled him, letting your head rest on his chest and letting yourself feel enveloped by his arms after the initial shock wore off.

"I'm glad", Lando uttered out before he composed himself, "I just want you to know that I could fulfill all your dreams and that there I'll never do anything to hurt you again. I'm well aware of all shit I've done and put you through, and how accountable I am for it. I just want to make you happy", he chuckled, "I don't want anything else in this world other than to make you happy, to show you how much I love you and that I want make this work, I want to make us work", he let out in such a serious and intense tone that you could feel a knot forming your throat, "you were my first love and I want you to be my last, Y/N".

"Lan...", you gasped softly, "I know it hasn't been good for you, but I just need a little bit more time to put it behind me, once for all", you added.

"I know, and that's alright", he mumbled against the top of your head, "I just wanted you to know that it is coming straight from my heart - everything I do, I do it for you", plucking up the courage to press a kiss there.

You closed your eyes and basked in the feeling, "two Bryan Adams references in the same sentence from the guy who used to DJ? You impress me, Lando Norris", you giggled and teased him playfully, feeling the rubble from his own laugh on his chest.

"I'll make sure to impress you everyday that we're alive, Y/N Y/L/N", he promised.

And he intended to keep it.

.

Lando invited you to his apartment for a cosy night in, thinking the plans over and over while he waited for you to arrive.

The delivery service was faster than he expected so he wrapped the takeout boxes in all of the kitchen towells he had so they would help retain the heat while you weren't there yet.

The whole apartment was tidy, he had your favourite blanket on the sofa and the TV had your favourite shows ready to stream in the background as you hopefully shared a comforting meal.

Your acceptance to come to his place made Lando feel very pleased with the way you were trailing in your relationship. He had been able to correct his mistakes and make you happy again. Even though there had been moments where he seemed to forget, he now knew that you had always been and will always be a priority in his life. He had never been in love with anyone else, and he was sure he would always be in love with you until his last breath.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, heading up to the door to open it, "Hello hello! Come in", he gestured as you stepped inside, pecking his lips on the way - a few days prior, you had kissed him out of nowhere when you went to the bookshop and you swore he looked like a cartoon, all wide eyes and blushy cheeks.

Lando assured you you wouldn't leave the house and it would be just the two of you, so you hadn't bothered to put together a proper outfit, opting to wear a pair of leggings and an old Quadrant hoodie.

"I wasn't sure if I should bring anything, so I stopped by the sweets shop to get some of these hard candies, apparently they're very trendy now", you giggled sweetly as you set the bag on his hands so you could take your trainers off.

"You didn't have to, but thanks! We'll do a taste test after dinner - which is here by the way", he guided you to the living room.

Unravelling the mountain of kitchen towells, he had you sit down before he opened the containers, handing you a plate after you chose a bit of each of the dishes he ordered, "thank you, Lan", you smiled, sitting criss-cross on the sofa and waiting for him to do the same before you started eating.

"These are really good, have you tried them? They're new on their menu and when the guy explained it to me, I thought you'd like it", he pointed to one of the bite sized pieces.

"They are! They're not too heavy on the seasoning and they're really nice when you dip them in this sauce - try it!", you offered him the small cup.

"Is this going to be like the time you made me dip my spring rolls in that other sauce you claimed was the best thing in the world?", he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Just try it, Lan!", you insisted, getting one from your plate, dipping it in the sauce and taking it up to Lando's mouth, your hand under the chopsticks in case some of it fell on his clothes.

Lando chewed it before nodding and humming in satisfaction, "is it good", he admitted with a smile after he wiped his lips.

Once you finished eating, you helped Lando bring everything back to the kitchen, saving the leftovers on his fridge, washing the plates and putting them away.

"You didn't have to help, I could've done it myself", Lando nudged before he laced your hand in his and pulled you back to the living room, "do you want to watch something?", he asked.

"There's this new Disney movie I haven't watched if you're up for it - or any of the shows we usually watch, I'm not picky", you answered quickly.

"Disney it is", he smiled sitting down and resting his arm on the back of the sofa, hoping you'd sit next to him and cuddle him.

You shuffled around before grabbing the fluffy blanket, pulling it over your legs and tentatively closing the distance between you, taking the plunge and taking a spot on his chest.

Once the movie was playing, Lando's arm dropped to wrap around you, lulling you closer to him and rubbing your arm.

"I can hear you thinking, and I'm sure you're not thinking about that little goat", you nodded to the screen.

"I'm watching the movie, I swear - and he's quite funny actually! He's also Mila's favourite character, at least he was last week", Lando chuckled, "but I was also thinking about us", he admitted.

"You were?", you turned to look up at him, wanting to know more.

"You do know I will apologize for what I did until the end of our lives, don't you?", Lando reflected out loud.

"Lando, stop it, it's forgiven and forgotten", you offered.

"Is it really?", he asked, a small smile breaking his way into his lips.

"It is, it's behind us now", you kissed his clothed chest.

"I will never forget it, though. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me to forget it or that you've forgiven me", he let out a shaky sigh, "I don't think I will, I hate myself for what did to you, the hurt that I caused you".

"Lando, let's not talk about it right now - not now, not ever. It's a part of our story, yes, and we learned from it, but I don't want to to remember every day. We are good now, and I don't want you to torture yourself with something that is out of your reach and that you can't change", you told him sternly, now sitting back against the sofa so you can face your boyfriend, "Promise me we won't mention this again, Lando".

"You're right", Lando agrees, "Okay, you're right, I promise, Y/N", he stated with a smile.

Your delicate lips peck his quickly before you go in for a second kiss, longer and more intense this time, and you both got lost in eachother.

You couldn't change what happened, but you could learn from it and work everyday to make sure it never happened again.

Lando was crazy about you, about who he was when was with you and how you made him feel, and you felt the same way about him.

"I love you, Lando", you smiled after you pulled away, resting your forehead in his.

"I love you forever, Y/N", he whispered, sealing his promise with a peck and bracing himself, "I'm never taking you for granted, and maybe this is a big gesture and I'm not sure how much this fits our new way - new patch? It's not a patch if we want it to last forever, right? - anyway, I would like to ask you to move in with me", Lando stated, "it doesn't have to be tomorrow or right away, we'll do it when you're ready! I just- I spend so much time of the year away as it is, and I don't want to cut the short time even shorter when it comes to you, so this way we'll be together for a bit longer - even if it's just at nightime and we can intertwine our legs or I can warm up the bed for you", he rambled on and you were sure he wouldn't stop anytime soon.

"Hey, hey! Lando, baby", you cupped his face with your hands, "look at me", you smiled as you straddled his lap, your thighs on each side of his and keeping you from fully sitting on him, "good now?".

"Well, since you're already there - sit, please", Lando added before he allowed himself to stress about your answer.

"I don't want to squash you", you mumbled.

Laying his hands in your thighs, he pulled you down, "I said sit down", he spoke sternly despite the playful glint on his eyes, "it's my home after all, I get to make the rules".

"Oh, I thought it was our home, but maybe I misread th-", your playfulness was cut short as your boyfriend flipped you around, your back hitting the soft sofa cushion with a yelp.

"You're moving in? For real?", he asked.

"Yes, baby, I'm moving in", you cupped his cheek, pulling him for a kiss, "I love you".

"My love, I'm going to spend everyday reminding you how beautiful, how strong", he started kissing your face with every word, "how kind, how amazing, how sexy, how hot, how smart, how kind, how incredible you are", he stopped just above your lips, "how all mine you are - I love you Y/N, forever", before he kissed your lips.

[rootedinrevisions]

Kinktober 2024: Day 17

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know it's not technically the 17th yet. But I just finished writing this one and I'm really excited for you guys to read it. I also know I have a lot going on tomorrow so not sure when I'll have time to post it, so posting it a little early! This is probably some of the smuttiest smut I've ever written so please let me know what you think as this one was kind of outside of my comfort zone!

PROMPT: "I want you to beg for it."

KINK: Degradation

WARNINGS: 18+ SMUT. MINORS DNI. (Degrading Language (obviously), Oral: Male Receiving, P in V Sex. Semi-Public Sex (Public Bathroom)

WORD COUNT: 3.3k

TAG LIST: See Comments Below

If you would like to be added to any of my Tag Lists please feel free to comment, send an ask, or send a DM and I'll be happy to get you added! Below are the fandoms I currently write for.

Glen Powell (himself and the characters he's played)

Top Gun: Maverick (Hangman, Rooster, possibly others soon)

Marvel / MCU (Bucky Barnes as of now, but possibly others soon)

WWE / Wrestling

The Hard Deck was buzzing with energy when you and Jake walked in, the familiar scent of salty ocean air and the hum of the packed bar immediately hitting your senses. It was always busy on a Friday night, but tonight seemed especially crowded. As you scanned the room, your eyes landed on two different bachelor parties gathered at the bar, their laughter loud and the drinks already flowing freely. The air was thick with excitement, and you could feel the playful chaos waiting to unfold.

Jake's hand slid over the small of your back, gently guiding you through the crowd. He leaned down, his lips brushing your ear, sending a shiver down your spine.

“Stay close to me tonight, darlin’,” he murmured, his voice low but full of intent.

You glanced up at him, catching that cocky grin that always made your pulse quicken. With the way his hand lingered at your waist, possessive but protective, it was clear he wasn’t in the mood to share your attention with anyone else.

You gave him a small nod, feeling the heat of the crowded room but more focused on the warmth of his presence beside you.

“Promise,” you said with a playful smirk, leaning into his touch just a little more.

Jake’s eyes gleamed with satisfaction as he led you deeper into the bar, navigating through the sea of people. The bachelor parties already seemed rowdy, but it didn’t matter. You were exactly where you wanted to be—right by Jake’s side, with a night full of flirtation, drinks, and maybe a little trouble ahead.

An hour into the night, you found yourself sipping on your drink, watching as Jake and Rooster engaged in their typical back-and-forth over a game of darts. It was all in good fun, but there was no denying the competitive edge to Jake's demeanor. Rooster came close to a bullseye, and you could almost see the challenge sparking in Jake's eyes as he lined up his next throw. He had to hit a perfect bullseye; anything less wouldn’t do. It was just how he was—always needing to one-up the competition.

With Jake caught up in his game, you decided to wander a bit. You spotted Bob sitting across the room, perched on a stool by the pool tables, nursing a drink. His easygoing demeanor always made for good conversation, and you figured Jake could live without your attention for a few minutes. After all, he seemed pretty absorbed in proving his point to Rooster.

As you made your way across the room, weaving through the crowded bar, you felt Jake’s eyes briefly flicker in your direction, but he didn’t call you back. He could get over it. Bob was a friend, and talking to him was hardly a crime.

“Hey, Bob,” you greeted with a smile, stepping closer to where he sat.

“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked, his eyes lighting up as you came closer.

The noise of the bar was almost overwhelming, so you leaned in, bringing yourself closer to Bob to hear him better. His voice was low, and the constant chatter and laughter from the bachelor parties made it hard to catch everything he was saying. You had to get even closer when Bob leaned in with a grin, telling you a lighthearted joke that made you laugh.

As you laughed, your eyes unintentionally drifted over to where Jake stood, still holding his dart. You immediately caught his gaze, sharp and narrowed as it honed in on you. There was a tension in his jaw that hadn’t been there before, and his grip on his beer bottle tightened as he raised it slowly to his lips. He didn’t look angry, but there was definitely something simmering beneath that cool exterior.

You knew he’d probably have something to say about it later—Jake never missed a thing, especially when it involved you—but it was harmless. You were just chatting with a friend, nothing more.

Still, the way his eyes lingered on you made your heart race, and you had to admit, a small part of you enjoyed knowing he was watching. Let him stew. You were having a perfectly pleasant conversation with Bob, and if Jake wanted to make something of it, that was his problem.

“You okay?” Bob asked, pulling you out of your thoughts.

You gave him a reassuring smile, brushing off the tension you felt coming from across the room.

“Yeah, just fine,” you replied, but in the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but wonder what Jake was thinking—and what he’d say when you inevitably ended up back at his side.

After excusing yourself from your conversation with Bob, you made your way toward the back of The Hard Deck, heading for the bathroom near the kitchen. It wasn’t the one most people used—the sign outside read “Storage,” and only Penny and the regulars knew the truth. You liked it that way; it meant privacy, a quiet moment away from the crowded bar.

Just as you were about to close the door behind you, a hand shot out, stopping it from shutting completely. Your eyes widened as Jake slid into the small bathroom with you, his expression unreadable, but the tension radiating off him was palpable. Without a word, he reached behind him, locking the door with a soft click.

Before you could fully process what was happening, Jake had you spun around, pressing your back firmly against the door. His body crowded yours, and you felt the heat of him as he leaned in close.

His voice was low, almost a growl as he asked, “What were you doing out there, huh? Getting all cozy with Bob?”

Your heart pounded in your chest. You tried to stammer out an explanation, but he wasn’t having it. His eyes bore into yours, the cool green intensity making it clear that he wasn’t in the mood for excuses. The look in his eyes sent a rush of excitement through you, even as you felt the weight of his jealousy pressing in.

“Jake, it was nothing,” you started, but he cut you off, his voice sharp and biting.

“Nothing? You think I didn’t see the way you were leaning into him? Laughing like that?” His words dripped with accusation, and the hint of anger in his tone made your pulse quicken. “Am I not enough for you anymore?”

You shook your head, trying to explain, but he pressed on, his words cutting deeper.

“What, you that desperate for attention? Couldn’t wait a few minutes while I beat Rooster at darts?” His hand slid down to your waist, gripping you firmly as he kept you pinned against the door.

The way he looked at you—like he was ready to stake his claim—made your breath catch. Part of you wanted to push back, tell him he was overreacting, but another part…a darker, more reckless part…was thrilled by the intensity of it all. You could feel the heat rising between the two of you, the air thick with tension.

“Answer me,” he demanded, his grip tightening slightly on your waist, his eyes never leaving yours.

You swallowed hard, the excitement and anticipation swirling inside you. You knew what was coming next—and despite the sharpness of his words, you couldn’t deny the thrill that ran through you at the thought of what was about to happen.

You batted your eyelashes up at him, letting your bottom lip slide between your teeth as you looked through your lashes. The intensity of Jake’s gaze didn’t waver, but you could see the flicker of something darker, something possessive in his eyes. Slowly, you trailed your hand down the front of his shirt, your fingertips brushing against the firm muscles underneath.

“Can I make it up to you?” you asked, your voice soft, with just enough sweetness to cut through the tension.

Jake didn’t answer right away, but the corner of his mouth tugged up in a small, smug grin.

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against your ear. “Ask nicely,” he murmured, his tone demanding, but smooth as ever.

Your heart raced at his words, knowing what he wanted, and feeling the power shift between the two of you. You swallowed your pride and looked up at him, your voice a little breathless, laced with submission as you asked, “Please, Jake… can I get on my knees for you?”

For a split second, he didn’t move. The tension hung heavy in the small bathroom, but then, his expression shifted—satisfied, pleased—and he gave a low chuckle.

“Good girl,” he murmured, brushing his thumb across your jaw. “That’s more like it. But let’s hear you ask again, this time even sweeter. I want you to beg for it.”

Your pulse quickened. You could feel the thrill coursing through your veins as you met his eyes, knowing exactly what he wanted from you. Your lips parted, voice trembling with need as you whispered, “Please… please, Jake… I’ll be good, I promise. Let me make it up to you.”

His grin widened as he looked down at you, clearly satisfied with your words. He stepped back slightly, giving you the space you needed, his hand gently guiding you down.

“Go ahead,” he said, his voice a husky drawl. “Let’s see just how nicely you can make it up to me.”

You did as he commanded, sinking slowly to your knees, the cool tile beneath you contrasting with the heat rising between the two of you. Your breath quickened, heart pounding in your chest as you looked up at him, eyes wide and filled with need. Jake's hand found its place at the back of your head, fingers tangling into your hair as he guided you down, his grip firm yet possessive, letting you know exactly who was in control.

Your fingers reached for his belt, fumbling only for a second before you quickly undid it, the metal buckle clinking as it came loose. The sound echoed in the small bathroom, and your anticipation grew. With one last glance up at him, you tugged the belt free and began working on the button and zipper of his pants.

Jake's eyes never left you, his lips curling into that signature smirk of his, dark and full of satisfaction. 

"That's it," he drawled, voice thick with desire. "Take your time, sweetheart. We’re in no rush."

You could feel the heat between your legs grow even stronger at his words, the dominance in his voice igniting something in you. But you didn’t want to take your time. You needed this—you needed him.

As soon as his pants were undone, you gently tugged them down just enough, exposing him to your gaze. The sight of him, hard and ready, sent a shiver down your spine, but you maintained eye contact, waiting for his next command.

Jake tilted his head slightly, watching you intently. 

“We both know you know what to do,” he said softly, though the authority in his voice was unmistakable. “Go ahead. Show me what a good little slut you are.”

With his permission, you leaned forward, your lips hovering just above him, feeling the heat radiating off his skin. The anticipation built, the intensity in his stare making you want to please him even more. Slowly, you began, letting your mouth do the talking, determined to show him exactly how sorry you were.

Jake’s hand tightened in your hair, a deep groan escaping his throat as you worked, the control still firmly in his hands as he guided you. His other hand pressed against the door, his body tense with restraint as you gave him everything he wanted and more.

"That's my little slut," he breathed, his voice low and filled with satisfaction. "Just like that."

Just when you felt the tension in Jake’s body tightening, signaling his release was near, he pulled you off him with a rough tug of your hair. A soft gasp escaped your lips as he yanked you to your feet, not giving you a second to regain your breath. His hand gripped your arm firmly as he spun you around, your hips hitting the sink with enough force to send a grunt leaving your body. But at the same time you felt a wave of excitement wash over you.

You barely had time to process the heat between you before Jake pushed you down, placing a hand on your back and bending you over the sink. The cold porcelain pressed against your palms as you caught your reflection in the mirror. His intense gaze met yours, his eyes dark with desire and control. You could see the smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, knowing exactly what was coming next—and exactly how much you craved it.

He wasted no time. His large hand slid up your thigh, the roughness of his palm sending shivers across your skin as he lifted your skirt, exposing you to him. You let out a soft whimper as he smoothed his hand over your ass, squeezing firmly before pulling your underwear to the side.

“You think you can get away with it?” Jake growled in your ear, his voice dripping with both frustration and lust. “Getting all cozy with Bob like that, knowing I’m watching? Being a little whore.”

You opened your mouth to respond, but all that came out was a small moan as you felt him press against you, his hard length rubbing between your legs, teasing you.

He leaned in closer, his breath hot against your neck as he spoke again. “You’re mine,” he whispered harshly, his hand gripping your hip tightly. “And I’m gonna make sure you remember that.”

With a quick thrust, he was inside you, filling you completely as you gasped at the sudden sensation. Your hands gripped the edge of the sink as Jake set a hard, relentless pace, each thrust pushing you further into the porcelain. The intensity of it made your head spin, his grip on you firm as if he needed to stake his claim in the most primal way.

You could feel the tension between your legs building again, the way he moved inside you pushing you closer to the edge with every stroke. His hand slid up your back, keeping you pressed down against the sink as he leaned in, his lips brushing against your ear.

"Look at yourself," he demanded, his voice rough. "Look at how good that pussy takes me."

Your eyes met his in the mirror, the sight of him behind you only adding to the intensity of the moment. The way his khaki uniform pants still hung low around his hips, the tight muscles of his chest and arms straining as he held you in place—it was enough to drive you over the edge.

Jake's hand slid from your hip to the back of your neck, holding you down as he pounded into you. "You’re gonna remember this next time you think about getting cozy with someone else," he growled, his pace becoming rougher, more demanding.

Jake’s hips keep moving steadily as he grips your waist firmly. You’re getting close, every nerve in your body coiling tighter with each movement, but just as you’re about to hit your peak, Jake's voice rumbles low in your ear.

"You're gonna have to beg for it," he says, his breath hot against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine.

You do as he says, your voice soft and needy, but Jake doesn't let up. Instead, he smirks and shakes his head, leaning in closer. "You don’t deserve it—not after your little stunt with Bob."

The pace doesn't stop. "Do you like this, huh? Getting fucked right here where anyone could walk in and catch you, bent over, needing me like this? Being my good little slut."

Your body betrays you, every bit of frustration turning into more want. 

Jake reaches up and one hand moves to your hair, grabbing a handful of it before pulling your head back sharply. He brings his lips to your ear and whispers, “not even Baby on Board would want a useless little slut like you. One that can’t even follow such a simple command such as stay close.”

You’re moaning his name at this point, your knuckles white from gripping the edges of the sink.

“Look at how good you take my cock. So good, baby. Just like the dirty little slut you are.”

Moments later you feel his grip on your waist tighten and his hips still as he releases his load inside you. 

“You like that, huh? You like being filled with my cum like a little slut? I want you to keep it there. I want it dripping down your thighs so every guy in this bar knows what you are.”

You’re panting and your release isn’t far off. You start moving your hips back against his, trying to close that last little bit to bring yourself to the edge.

But just when you think you might break, Jake pulls away, stopping all movement completely. He lets you linger there, your breath still ragged, the tension still crackling in the air. He doesn't say a word at first, just letting the silence speak volumes.

Then, with that same cocky smirk, he steps back and adjusts his uniform as if nothing had happened. He quickly zips and buttons his pants before buckling his belt. He glances 

"Maybe next time, sweetheart," he says, voice dripping with confidence.

He lingers by the sink for a moment, glancing at his reflection in the mirror. He runs a hand through his hair, smoothing it down to make sure it’s still perfectly in place as if to remind you how unfazed he is by the whole thing that just happened.

Satisfied with how he looks, he turns to you. "Pull yourself together before you come join me," he adds with a smirk, unlocking the door. 

With one last glance over his shoulder, Jake steps out into the bustling bar, leaving you to collect yourself in the quiet, the adrenaline still surging through your veins.

You splash cold water on your face, feeling the coolness soothe your flushed skin. You take a deep breath, adjusting your dress in the mirror, running your hands over the fabric to smooth out any signs of what just happened. With one final glance in the mirror, you do your best to compose yourself before heading out.

As you step back into the bar, the crowd feels a little more overwhelming than before, but you spot Jake near the pool tables talking to Phoenix and Rooster. The familiar sound of laughter from their banter draws you in as you make your way through the crowd toward him.

The moment Jake sees you, his entire expression softens. That cocky grin he usually wears shifts into something warmer, and without hesitation, he leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. His arm slides comfortably around your waist, pulling you close to him as if nothing else in the bar matters.

"Hey, baby" he murmurs against your skin, his voice low and affectionate. It’s a stark contrast from the intense energy in the bathroom, and the warmth in his tone settles any lingering tension.

As the pool game continues between him and Rooster, Jake stays close. Between turns, his hand is always on you—sometimes resting gently on your lower back, sometimes tracing soft circles on your side, just a quiet reminder that he's there, grounding you. Every now and then, he leans in to check on you, his gaze soft as he asks if you’re okay, but with just enough subtlety that it doesn’t draw attention.

It’s in these small moments that you feel the balance. The intensity from earlier has given way to something more tender, and with every touch, you’re reminded that Jake isn’t just about the bravado—he knows how to take care of you, even in the smallest ways.

[veltana]

Highest bidder - Steve Rogers x virgin!reader

✦ Pairing: Steve Rogers/Reader ✦ Word count: ~5k ✦ Raiting: Explicit ✦ Warnings: AU, kind of soft!dark Steve, reader is in her mid-twenties, one shot, pwp, insecurity, loss of virginity, piv sex, condoms, cunnilingus, smallest hint of a daddy kink, fluff and smut, dirty talk, friends to lovers, small hint of possessive/protective!Steve. Let me know if I missed anything! ✦ Summary: Tired of being a virgin and out of money you travel to Las Vegas to auction it off. Little do you know your friend Steve Rogers won't let anyone else have you. ✦ Note: I think this is among the first times that I cross-post a whole fic to tumblr. This fic is also on AO3. I'll see what the response is like here and maybe I'll continue to do it in the future.

Masterlist | AO3

"So what are you up to this weekend?" Steve asks as you take the first sip of your beer. For a second you debate not telling him and Bucky, sitting across from you in the booth. "Me and Wanda are going to Vegas." "What? Without me?" Bucky’s scandalized voice makes you laugh. "You don't like traveling, or Vegas for that matter," Steve points out. And that is true, you much prefer to stay in your apartment, reading your books and drinking tea. "Also, didn't you say you could hardly afford to go out with us tonight?" Bucky questions. "Well," you begin, scratching at the beer label, not wanting to look at them. "The trip is paid for." The stunned silence from across the table doesn't bode well, you know you're in for an interrogation now. "Do you need help? Are you in trouble?" Steve's concerned voice makes you look up. He's always so sweet and caring to you, looking out for you all the time.

"No, I'm fine. I'm doing it willingly," you answer. "What are you doing willingly?" There is no hiding the curiosity in Bucky’s voice. Once again you're not sure you're going to tell them, but it also doesn't make sense to keep it a secret. It's not a big deal, that's the whole point. "I'm auctioning off my virginity," you confess and are rewarded with both of them looking at you like you've grown a second head. Before they can say anything you continue. "I'm tired of it hanging over me, I just want it gone. And I'm also tired of scraping by. What you two make in an hour, I make in a month and I just want to be a step ahead instead of a step behind for once."

Bucky's smirk is the last thing you expect. "How much are you starting at, I'll double it." "Jerk." You throw some of your nuts his way. He laughs in response. "Honestly, tell me. What does a virginity go for these days?" "I'm starting out at three thousand. It would be more if I didn’t put in a clause about condoms and I’m a little bit older than most others.” “Well, my offer still stands,” Bucky concludes. “I bet it does, perv.” “And you don’t think the people buying you are pervs?” Steve’s been quiet up until now and his accusatory tone makes you defensive. “I’m not fucking stupid Steve, of course I know they are. They are also filthy rich. If I get bought by some disgusting old man I’ll smile and think about how fucking good it will feel not being stressed about money.” He still doesn’t look pleased and you didn’t come here to get judged. Finishing your beer you get up and grab your jacket. “I’ll see you around,” you say. Before walking out.

Vegas is overwhelming and loud. Instantly you shrink down, pulling your shoulders up. You would be lost if it wasn’t for Wanda. She’s in her element, flagging down cabs and weaving through the streets while you do your best to keep up. Finally, you arrive at your room. It’s small but not cramped and the two beds are clean. “First, shower, and then we’ll get started on your hair and makeup,” Wanda instructs. “You’re the best, you know that Wanda?” you smile at her. “What are best friends for if not fixing you up for some old guy to buy your V-card,” she winks.

Maybe Wanda is a witch, you think as you look at yourself in the tall mirror backstage. Somehow she took your average look and styled it into something you would never in a hundred years be able to recreate. Instead of the innocent style many seem to prefer, she made sure you looked sexy. If this had been a regular night of going out, you’d feel uncomfortable that someone you knew would see you, but the two glasses of champagne and the knowledge that no one except you and Wanda would ever see this made your confidence high. The night moves quickly, both women and men going up on the well-lit stage to present themselves and then watching as the bids start coming in. The people bidding are not in the room, but in different hotels scattered across the city, typing in numbers. Some people do elaborate shows when they step up in front of the cameras. One guy deep-throats a large banana and at first, you giggle but then you see the digits on the screen. His bids are the highest all evening so far. You decide quickly that you will just go up, smile, and wave and wait. You aren’t expecting much, but your pride hopes at least one or two people will find you attractive enough to at least pay the starting bid.

Soon it’s your turn. With a pounding heart, you step up on the stage, your body warms not only from the light but from the nervousness coursing through your body. You concentrate on your breathing so you won’t pass out and when you smile you hope it looks genuine. At first, the monitors are quiet and your heart drops. Are you not good enough for even some old lonely pervert? Then it dings with an incoming bid. It’s just above the starting sum, but you’re instantly relieved and can’t help the actually genuine smile that cracks your face. A second later another bid comes in. You don’t know how many people are placing the bids, you just see the number rise on the monitor, to your utter delight. Quickly it’s up to four thousand and the tempo slows, so maybe some people dropped out. But a few steady bids keep coming in, until it’s starting to near five thousand and it stops long enough for an automated voice ring out through the room. “Going once. Going twice.” Before it can finish the monitor chimes again, your mouth dropping open when you see the sum. Ten thousand dollars. It must be a mistake. The counting starts again, but you hardly hear it over the pure shock you’re experiencing.

Then you’re shooed away, given a room number and a key, before being put into a waiting car to take you to the hotel. When it stops outside of the Palms Casino you think you must be dreaming. It gets even worse when you realize you’re heading to the top floor. Whoever is waiting behind the door won’t matter, because you’ll gladly do anything they ask you.

The penthouse is stunning and it’s hard to take everything in. At the floor-to-ceiling windows, a figure is outlined. They’re backlit against the neon lights of Vegas and it’s hard to make out any details except the broad shoulders, narrow waist, and long legs. That feels promising. They don’t turn around as you close the door but you don’t hesitate to step into the room and begin to walk up to them. Stopping a a few steps behind you say “Hi. I am flattered by your very generous-” But you don’t get further because the person turns around and your words get stuck in your throat. “Steve?!” You quickly step back to get away. This must be some cruel joke he and Bucky have come up with. Before you can run out of the room he grabs your wrist. The usually soft eyes are hard and his smiling mouth is a line of displeasure. “Let go of me,” you demand. “No can do, I paid for you,” his hard voice makes you still. “This isn’t funny, Steve.” “No, it’s not. Now you’re going to go into the bedroom and take off those heels, then kneel on the bed and wait for me,” his instructions make it very clear that if you argue, you won’t like what comes next, so instead you bow your head and say “Yes, Steve.”

You’ve never seen a king-size bed before and it’s much larger than you could’ve imagined. The sheets are soft against your knees as you sit on your feet, waiting. There are too many emotions and questions running wild in your body, but the most prominent one is Why had he bid on you? There is no denying Steve is good looking and when Wanda had first introduced you, sure you’d had a crush on him. But you never thought about pursuing it. His life was far from yours, with luxury cars and expensive dinners, while you went out to eat once a year on your birthday. Both he and Bucky had offered you money on several occasions but you’d never taken it, because you’d never be able to pay it back and money being owed between friends always caused trouble.

You hear the steps nearing the room and you meet his eyes as he steps through the open door. He has left his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, making him more desirable and more dangerous at the same time. Taking a stand a the foot of the bed he stares you down but you don’t cower. Even though you want to ask what the fuck this is, the tension in the air tells you not to talk back right now, just show him that you’re not afraid. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that Steve is here because he is someone you trust would never hurt you, or do anything against your will.

“Here is how this is going to go, sweetheart. I’ll do right by you and take this nice and slow like you deserve. Then when it’s over we’re sitting down to a nice dinner, and afterward I’m bending you over the dining room table and taking out all my fucking frustration on that cunt of yours until you can’t walk straight.” His words send lightning bolts of desire through you and you nod in understanding. “Use your words,” he demands. “Yes, Steve,” you agree. Then he crooks his fingers, indicating he wants you to come to him. You crawl the short way to the edge and sit back again. His fingers grip your chin carefully. “I’m going to kiss you.” “Okay.”

The second he presses his lips to yours it's like being on cloud nine. It's soft but not hesitant and you instinctively grab a hold of his shirt. Steve begins slowly, as if not to scare you but the more you meet his advances the more he takes. Then he coaxes your lips to part, slipping in his tongue and finding yours to play with. Kissing other people has been nice before, but kissing Steve is exceptional. When his hands land at your waist and pull you into him, you can't keep the moan in. His touch hardens and it makes you throb to be this close to him.

You’re a little out of it when he pulls away and you must look it too because he chuckles. "You like that?" A dopey smile splits your lips and you nod. But then his hands travel to the front of your dress, hooking his fingertips into the fabric and you can’t help stiffen. "Have you ever had your tits played with?" he asks. With a groan, you shake your head. "If you think kissing was great just wait until I get my mouth on the rest of you." He sounds so confident, but you’re not and either it’s blatantly obvious that you’re insecure or he knows you too well.

"How are you feeling?" You think about lying for a second but then decide against it. "I don’t understand why.” "Why what?" "I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but, why me Steve?" You find the courage to look up at him. Now he has that soft smile that you absolutely adore on his stupidly handsome face. His voice is just as soft when he speaks.

"Not only are you absolutely stunning, and I’m not talking about the way you’re dolled up right now. I love seeing you in your big sweaters while you go around the bookstore and help people with recommendations. I also admire you, because you follow your heart. Doing what makes you happy is important to you and I wish I were more like that. Even if you look out for yourself, that never stops you from caring about others. You cry when you see clips of rescue animals. And you're so so obvious that I've been in love with you since Wanda introduced you." "What?" you choke, your whole reality shifting. "Sweet, dumb little pet.” Steve’s hands cup your face and light squeezes your cheeks together for a second. “I've wanted you since you stammered out your name. Something so pure and precious deserves the world." "I didn’t know,” you whisper. "Of course you didn’t. When I got home that night, I jerked myself off to the thought of you and I swear I never come so hard in my life."

"Steve!" Heat rushes into your cheeks at his words. "I’ve had time to think about this a lot. I'm going to get you so wet and needy you will beg for my cock. I'm gonna make sure you're at the brink of insanity, deliriously begging for me to fuck you, even though you don't know what it feels like." "Oh god!" you moan, desire moving through your body. "Let me taste you, kitten. Let me make you scream,” his seductive voice rumbles.

Nodding you watch as his fingers pull the dress down, baring your breasts to his eyes. Instantly he cups them, thumbs brushing your nipples, making you keen. "Prettiest fucking tits I've ever seen," he whispers before leaning down and licking a nipple. The sensation makes you grab hold of his head to steady yourself. His tongue flicks it several times before sucking it into his mouth and you arch into him, clutching him, moaning out his name. Sure, you've been aroused in your life before, but the ache Steve creates is starting to feel painful. "Steve!" you plead when he switches to the other side, giving your other nipple the same treatment. He hums against your skin before pulling off you with a plop and immediately kisses you again. Nothing is really different from before but just knowing that Steve's tongue was just somewhere else on your body and now it's in your mouth makes you heat up even more.

It feels good when he takes charge, it keeps your thoughts from running in all the wrong directions. He gets you to lie down, crawling onto the bed after you, kissing every inch of exposed skin he can get to while you shudder under him. "How are you feeling?" he asks with a shit-eating grin, clearly knowing he's responsible for your state. "Goodgoodgood!" Is all you can get out while pawing at his clothed chest. "Want me to take it off?" Nodding vigorously you try to undo the buttons, but fail. He laughs and sits back between your spread legs, untucking the shirt and pulling it over his head. The bulge in his pants is very visible and you swallow hard at the sight of it, both scared and excited. He notices you looking. "We'll get to that later," he promises with another kiss. "First I'm going to get you wet and ready for me."

A hand hikes up your skirt and a finger follow the edge of your panties, down toward the juncture of your leg. It's like hot coal against your skin, burning you most sweetly. Even if you’re already soaked, his touch is sending pulse after pulse into your cunt and you're scared you're about to stain the sheets if he continues. A fingertip caresses over your core, touch so light it's almost not there but your sensitive skin feels it. Trembling you arch up, gripping the sheets. "Is that good?" Not knowing if you can speak you just nod and he continues. Down your thighs and back up, over and over again against your covered cunt, fingers getting firmer and firmer the more sounds you make.

A thrill you've never felt before has taken up place in your body, threatening to send your mind spiraling. To distract yourself you explore the plains of Steve's body that you can reach, stroking his arms and shoulders, but to feel him makes it even worse. You can’t wait to have him pressed against you.

Sitting back again he says, "I'm going to take these off now." He hooks his fingers at the top of your panties and starts to pull. "Lift your ass up." He instructs. Now your tits and your cunt are exposed for him. Steve is staring, but when you try to close your legs from embarrassment he quickly puts his hands on your thighs to spread them apart even more. "Don't you dare take that pretty pussy away from me," he all but growls and it sends another wave of pleasure into you. The air feels cold against your wet, warm skin. Then his gaze flicks up to you and with another smile, he leans down bending you almost in half, placing a kiss on your lips. "Last kiss before I devore you," he whispers and slides down your body. When his words sink in, you go rigid.

"No, you don't have to, we can just‐" you begin but the look he gives silences you. "Do you know how long I have waited for this?" He nips the inside of your thigh. "No," you whimper. "Been dreaming about how you would feel, and taste." He mouths at your skin. "The nights I can’t sleep I lie there and think of you soaking my beard when you come for me," he groans and moves down a little more until his face is right in front of your pussy. "Now I'm having my fill and when I'm done you'll be primed for my cock, I promise."

Not giving you any time to answer he dives in. His tongue feels nothing like your own fingers, or the vibrator you have in your drawer. It's sending you to heaven with every stroke. Steve takes notes of what makes you moan the loudest and in no time the unmistakable warmth of an orgasm begins to build. You do your best to keep still, but it's hard when it feels so good and Steve follows your every movement until your thighs are trembling heavily, breath coming out in irregular gasps, your fingers threatening to tear the sheets apart.

It climbs quicker than you expect and when the orgasm rips through you it’s with a cry, that leaves you almost boneless afterward. Looking down, panting, you notice you've basically crushed Steve's head between your thighs. With a "Sorry!" You spread them apart and he comes up for air, his beard glistening with you. "How was that?" "Incredible," you sigh. The ache that threatened to consume you has died down to a more manageable throb. "Great." He positions himself again and you stare with wide eyes. An amused smirk plays on his lips. "Did you think that was it?" You try to stutter out a response but he raises his hand and wiggles his fingers playfully. "Now you get these too."

After a second you relax into the pillows, trusting Steve with your body. He's gentle when he begins, now that your cunt is a million times more sensitive, but soon you're trembling again, and then the tip of his finger is at your opening. It slides in without resistance and the feeling changes. More nerves send sparks through you from new places. It's too much for your poor brain to decipher and you don’t fight it, just let it take you, like you’re floating down a stream. "Good girl, relaxing for me so well." Through bleary eyes you see him looking up at you. "Ready for another one?" You're not sure what that means but you nod anyway and are rewarded with a smile. He never looks away from you as you feel another finger press in together with the first. A high-pitched sound leaves you as your chest heaves. It's too much but not enough. You’re so full but in the best way possible. Then he moves them and you can hear just how wet he's made you.

His tongue comes back to play with your clit and soon you're at the edge of another orgasm. "Yes yes yes!" You chant over and over again. Everything he does feels so good. The sensation of clamping down on his fingers as you come is new and makes the orgasm much stronger this time, leaving you mildly disoriented for a second. "God, you look so beautiful when you come." Steve lays his head against your leg, still moving his hand and sending small aftershocks into your body. "You know what?" "What Stevie?" you ask, your voice a little hoarse as you reach down and place your hand in his soft hair, carding your fingers through it, just to feel him. "I don't think you noticed, but there are three fingers inside you now." You make a questioning sound. "Added another right after you came. No problem at all. Just need you to come one more time, then I'll know you're ready." He does something with his fingers inside you, making you whimper from the pleasure it sends through you. "Found your G-spot too," he looks smug as he says it. "Let's see what happens when I play with just that."

It’s another new experience that puts your body on edge in the best way. The pleasure never dissipates but it never builds either and finally you can't stand it anymore, deciding to beg for the relief he can give you. "Stevie, please! Use your mouth again!" "Of course, when you ask so nicely." When he sucks your clit into his mouth, it makes you see stars, and seconds later the built-up ecstasy reaches its peak. Gripping his head you grind against his tongue with a cry of his name because it’s so fucking good.

Afterward, you sink down with a relieved sigh and you're pretty sure your muscles have never been this relaxed in your life. "Such a good girl for me." Steve praises before pulling out his fingers, licking them clean, and moving off the bed. You instantly feel achingly empty. Not taking his eyes from you he undo his pants and slide them and his underwear off.

The sight of his hard, leaking cock standing out from his body is kind of mesmerizing. You've seen dicks in pictures, sent unsolicited to you on a few occasions, and a couple of times when you've tried to watch porn. Never before have you thought a dick could look pretty. As if something possesses your body you crawl over to the edge of the bed, settling on your legs and reaching out towards it. Steve watches, chest heaving slightly as you trace his cock with a fingertip, all the way from root to tip, dipping it into the leaking mess. Looking up at him you bring it to your mouth and lick it. The groan he lets out in response is delicious.

It doesn't taste bad, just different and you're about to ask if you can try to take him in your mouth but as if sensing your thoughts he leans down to capture your lips in a kiss. At first, you try to move away, knowing where he has just been, but he keeps a steady hand at the back of your neck, forcing you to taste yourself on his tongue, and just like him, it’s not bad, just different. "If I let you touch me more than that, I'll burst,” he explains before he grabs your dress and pulls it off you in one go. “Now be good and lay down again." "Yes, Stevie," you answer and fall onto the bed, spreading your legs. Instead of joining you right away, he walks up to the bedside table and opens a drawer, pulling out a square package.

Embarrassment fills you. In your post-orgasmic state, you forgot about your own rule. If he hadn’t gotten a condom you would gladly have let him take you raw. Lucky for you, Steve is not the type of person to take advantage of you like that. He rolls it on and you swallow hard. Just the look of it is big, you’re not sure how it will fit. "Don't be scared. With how wet you are, it’ll glide right in," he says with a smile, kneeling between your spread legs.

This is the moment, you think. After this, you won't be a virgin anymore. Even if it is just a social construct, you've never actually had a dick inside of you and that will be a new experience. Steve kisses you, helping the doubts slip away. The rubber feels weird against your lower lips, and then it's at your opening. The tip presses inside and Steve watches your face. "Does it hurt?" he asks. "No,” you assure him. “It's just different." "Tell me if you want to stop." "Just keep going."

Slowly he eases his way inside and once he bottoms out both of you are breathing heavily. With a groan, Steve's head lands on your shoulder. "Fuck you're like a vice around my dick. I'm going to try to move." You wrap your arms around his shoulders, caressing his back and he starts moving. You feel like you're filled to the brim and it's pressing against your G-spot, making you warm and high again. Experimentally you lift your hips, meeting his, eliciting a moan from him. "I'm sorry," Steve mumbles. "I won't last long." Before you can respond he continues. "You feel too good. So tight and warm. Fuck!" Then he lifts himself on one of his strong arms before grabbing the back of your neck and bending it until you're looking down toward where your bodies are connected. Steve slams his hips into you and you answer with a cry of pleasure. "Look at that unused cunt taking my big cock so well." "Steve!" you whine. His thrusts are too good, the pressure too much, and looking at it only makes you hotter. "It was made for me, right?" "Yes! Ah! Steve!" The throb in your clit is driving you insane and you reach down to relieve it. "Oh fuck. Are you gonna come on my dick your first time? That's dirty." You never expected words to be such a big part of sex, but the way Steve is talking is heightening your sensation.

"That's right. Rub your clit for me. Fuck you're clenching around me so hard. Tell me if you're gonna come." Nodding frantically you feel the climax building. Your whole body is a coil wind up tight and you're not sure what will happen when it snaps.

"I'm - I'm… I think I'm going to come, Steve," you moan. The pressure in your lower stomach is excruciating and delirious. You just need a little more. Letting go of your head he meets your eyes. "Good girl, I'm right behind you. Squeeze me dry. Come for Daddy." The last words enter your brain and sweep you off. The orgasm takes over your whole body and drowns you in pleasure. The edge of your vision blurs, your body shuddering violently. You hear the blood pumping in your veins. Feel your heart drumming in your ribcage. On some level you're aware of Steve above you, chanting your name as his hips pump into you and he fills the condom.

The weight of him is nearly crushing but also makes you feel safe. For the first time, you have the presence of mind to take in his body as you caress down his sides and his back, down over his ass as far as you can reach. It makes him sigh happily and you feel so content. After a while, he raises himself on his elbows and pecks your lips, nose, and cheeks until you giggle, before getting off completely and disposing of the condom. As soon as the warmth of him leaves, small, cruel thoughts about this once again being some kind of joke start forming in your head. Despite what he’s said, you find it hard to believe that it would be true.

Before you have time to think more about it he is beside you in the bed again, leaning on his arm and looking down at you. "So, how was that?" He’s curious, there’s no hiding it. "Better than I could ever dream of," you answer honestly. "Well, that's an ego boost," Steve laughs. "How… How was I?" He kisses you before he whispers, "Best I ever had." You can't help but snort at that. "Don't fucking lie to me."

With a growl Steve rolls onto his back, taking you with him and making you lay on his chest. "It's the fucking truth, and unless you want a spanking to go with the next round, you're going to believe me." That tone of voice. The threat of pain and pleasure combined sparks something inside you, and Steve notices. "Oh, does that make you horny?" Hiding your face in the crook of his neck you say "Yes, Daddy." Steve groans and crushes you into his chest. "If I could fuck you again right now, believe me, I would."

Several hours later you're in bed again, pressed against Steve’s warm chest. He did what he promised and you’re sure you won’t be able to walk tomorrow. But something is weighing on your mind. “I’ll pay you back,” you say. “If you do, you’ll wish I spanked you.” “But-,” “No. I told you that you deserve the world, that money is a drop in the ocean to me.” “I can’t believe you bought me.” “I can’t believe you sold your body.” Even if you can’t see him, his voice makes it clear he’s not happy. “The thought of someone else touching you, fucking you. I’m not a violent man, but that makes me want to kill.” “I’m glad it was you,” you confess with a smile and kiss his skin. A moment later he’s on top of you, kissing you sweetly and you feel him stirring against you, growing hard. An answering wetness pool at your core. “I need you again,” he murmurs against your mouth. With a nod, you reach between your bodies to guide him inside. Pulling back, he says “Condom.” When he reaches over to the bedside table, you shake your head and lift your hips. “Oh fuck, are you sure?” “I want to feel you,” you reassure him. It’s a bit sore when he presses inside but the movements are slow, and the kisses quickly take your mind off it. Afterward, he doesn’t pull out, and you fall asleep with his cum and cock between your legs, happy he was your highest bidder.

[beautifulfuckup99]

Hiiii! I love your stories you’re so creative! If possible could you do a Dom Jimin smut?

Yes! I'd love to lol

Title: His Favorite Doll

Warning(s): Dom!Jimin (Duh...), D!rty Talk...

Author's Note: Lets make this... CEO!Jimin (Non-Idol!AU) Shakes things up a bit lol. Enjoy...

************************************************

"Y/N! You're late! The hell's the matter with you, girl." Frank says as you rush into the club, tired and soaked from the rain outside. "I'm gonna stop paying you if you keep pushing your luck, honey." He states and you fight off the urge to roll your eyes.

"Frank, you let me go and you can kiss your business goodbye." You snort as you make quick work with your hair, pinning it up even without being in the locker room yet. Had to get it ready for the wig you'd be wearing for tonight. Your boss chuckles.

"Damn you, you're right. Hurry up and get dressed. Busy night ahead of us." He says as you turn towards the "dressing room" which was really just the locker room.

"Us?" You mutter. Just like your boss to think working at a kink, BDSM-themed, nightclub was a team effort. But you shake it off, prepping yourself for yet another long night.

***************************************************

"Y/N! Off the floor!" Frank calls to you as you're in the midst of fake laughing at some random businessman's lame jokes. You pause your laughing and see Frank nod towards VIP, which makes you confused for a split second, before it hits you.

See, Frank always had who was on for the VIP area posted in the locker room. So, there was never any confusion as to who went where. You'd read earlier that Winnie was on for the VIP area tonight, but if Frank was calling for you, it was because you were being requested.

There's only one person who'd request you...

Jimin.

You feel your heartbeat quicken and you quickly excuse yourself from the table of men and power walk through the crowded nightclub to get to Frank.

"Your boy's back. Sittin and waitin, like always." He sighs to you as you fuss over your corset a bit, suddenly feeling like your all-black lingerie set and cat ears were silly. You only felt like that when Jimin was in your little BDSM nightclub joint. Best one in the city, and yet you felt like it was beneath him.

You head to the section and see that while Winnie is playing with some random businessman's tie as she talks to another, Jimin is sat on the other white sofa opposite them, swirling the clear liquid in his glass. When he notices you, he smiles, eyes like a cat, and it makes you shiver...

"Jimin. Back already..." You smile, trying to keep your voice sweet, but the relief was clear. Jimin was your best client, honestly. Frank said in this style of work, there 'were no such things as clients', but Jimin never asked for anyone but you. On the rare nights that you had off, you'd hear from co-workers that he'd come in, sit in VIP, not talk to anyone, and then finish his drink before leaving.

Plus, a big shot CEO like him? God, he tipped amazing!

He stands up and beckons you closer. "Doll." He says gently as you walk over and stand in front of him. He grabs your hand and kisses it lightly. "It's been too long." He notes softly and you wanna laugh.

"It's been two weeks." You nod.

"You've been counting." He notes and you fight off a blush. It was your job to be seductive here, yet he always beat you at your own game...

"Possibly." You whisper as you rub a hand along his chest lazily while looking up at him. He smirks as he eyes you closer, hands comfortably in his pockets.

"What kept you away?" You ask as you look him in the eyes, but the gaze is just too intense. He looked at you like he was reading every thought racing through your head. Sometimes it was too much...

You look back down, and he grabs your chin to force you to look up at him. "Business deal I had to close over in France. You understand." He says nonchalantly, and you hum slowly.

"Did you... Close it?" You ask gently, genuinely curious.

"Always do." He nods.

"So, we're... Celebrating..." You say slowly as you nod, making him chuckle lightly.

"Already got the room." He says softly and you hum, playing it calm and cool, but inside, you were ready and willing to get this show on the road...

You give Winnie a nod, and she giggles softly. "Have fun you two..." She calls playfully and you roll your eyes at her need to taunt you.

You get to the room numbered '93', and Jimin slips the key into the lock. He'd could only get that key from paying a pretty high price to Frank. On the door is the sign listing all the rules for being in here, including the time limit in bold font. 'No more than half an hour!'

The door unlocks and he opens it. "After you..." He says gently and you hum and sway your hips a bit as you walk, wanting to start your show a bit early.

The room is tinted a dark shade of red and there's a lonesome lounge leather chair sat in the middle of the room, facing a glass box that wasn't so big, but was enough to stand there and give a show. See, there was a thin line between a BDSM club and an all-out brothel. And Frank loved dancing on that line.

'If they can't touch you, it's not a brothel. It's just a private sex show! See? Morally grey, legally okay!' Frank always says anytime the detail of these "playrooms" (as Frank calls them) comes into question. You were meant to get in that glass box and listen to every word the gentleman of the night said to you. Tonight, and almost every night for the past month, it's Jimin.

He hums as he gets comfortable in that chair with his drink in hand. "Why... Aren't you wearing the lingerie I sent for you?" He finally asks as you ascend the two steps that lead up to the glass box. You stop in your tracks. You knew it'd be brought up sooner or later.

"We're not... Allowed to wear what clients send in." You say bashfully. "It was lovely though." You try to add fast.

"It was a five thousand dollar set." He says, unamused by it not being on your body. You look down at the set you'd picked instead. Frank made you guys buy your own 'costumes' and this sure as hell wasn't some five thousand dollar set...

"Well..." You shift from one foot to the other. "That just sounds like a waste of money." You note, wanting to lighten the tension, but with Jimin? That wasn't possible.

He leans back a bit and licks his lips slowly. "You're lucky I can't touch you." He says finally after a moment of just his eyes lingering your body.

"Wha... Why?" You ask softly.

"Because I'd make that ass red as punishment for refusing my gifts. If I want that body in the best, that's what it should be." He states and your heart catches in your throat for just a moment before you catch yourself.

"Should. But can't." You say without thinking and the look in his eyes proves you're lucky he can't touch you...

He eyes you up and down for a moment before he hums and rubs his chin. "I'm waiting, doll..." He finally says softly, and you quickly turn and get behind that thick glass wall, closing yourself in.

"Take that cheap shit off." Jimin says, putting one leg over the other. You slowly comply. You take your time getting completely naked, putting on your show of dancing around as you strip off each item of your set. When you're fully naked, he points a finger to the 'toy box' behind you.

This glass area had a few things inside like a box full of different toys, a rack that held whips and ropes on it, and a soft carpet to lay on...

"Get the clamps." Jimin says and you rummage through the toy box and grab just that. You look over at Jimin as you softly pinch your nipples between your thumb and index finger to get them hard enough before you place the cool metal clamps on them. Your breath hitches at the tightness you feel around your nipples and Jimin's eyes don't leave your body for a second.

"Get your collar. Make it tight." He orders, eyes ravaging your body like it was taking everything in him to stay put. You whimper quietly as you bend over to find a collar.

The clamps tighten at the movement of your body, and you pant, feeling your clit throb at both the attention of the clamps and the attention of Jimin. You find the collar and put it on, attaching the chains from the clamps to your collar so any movement of your head could tug at the clamps and therefore tug and squeeze your nipples slightly.

"That's a good doll. You know where I want you." He says.

You moan softly at the way your nipples are feeling, but you try and focus as you walk over to the Sybian that's settled in the middle of the glass box you're in. There were a few toys you could use for your show, but Jimin loved the Sybian the most, because then he could control your body fully.

You straddle it and wait. That's all you can do. Hands behind your back, nipples clamped, collar squeezing around your neck just right. You wait with the nub nuzzled against your clit. You wait as he just stares at you. You wait as he finishes his drink, fighting the urge to grind down. No. You wait until finally... Finally, you feel the vibrations of the Sybian against your clit.

"Oh..." You moan lowly as you press down more. The vibrations were soft.

"Look at you. You're desperate for it already. We've just started our night, doll." Jimin tsks as he watches you, pointing the remote to add to the vibrations.

"Oh god!" You moan. Jimin was your favorite client for a reason. You didn't have to do much with him. It's like his pleasure came from your pleasure. Other clients expected for you to act like a pornstar to get them going. But with Jimin... It was natural. It was all so easy...

You didn't know what the hell a successful, rich, and intelligent CEO like Park Jimin was doing at a club like this, but you were grateful for it.

"Stay still." He speaks and his voice cuts through your foggy head like a hot knife through butter. "Speak if you understand." Jimin says and you shiver.

"Yes..." You pant as he raises the vibrations by one more.

Your head starts to go back until you feel the tug to your nipples. It makes you gasp, but you can't stop yourself from craving more.

"Greedy girl..." Jimin whispers, as if reading your mind. He raises the vibrations to level 6. You squeak but force your hips to stay still. Even though you wanted to so badly pull up, you knew you weren't allowed. The feeling was so intense...

"I don't have to touch you to get you like this, do I..." He says humorously as he sits back to watch you which makes you all the more wet.

"I bet you wanna hump that thing, don't you." He continues softly as he watches you begin to lose it. In the next second, the vibrations are gone. Your body trembles as you cry out, feeling the ache of your clit.

"No! Fuck, please!" You groan and Jimin hums.

"You can always just hump against it till you get off. But that's not what you want, is it. No... You want me to tell you when you can. You wanna be my dumb slut, don't you?" He whispers as you whine at the name, feeling your face heat up over how true it was. And it was only for him.

"Mm-Hm..." You hum quietly and he sets the vibrations back on. This time on 10. It gives you a jolt that's too much and makes you scream out. He shuts it off and you try catching your breath, clit sensitive from the overstimulation.

"See? I knew you could get louder than that. I don't think I heard you, doll. Are you my dumb slut?" He asks calmly as you hold in all your last bit of self-control.

"Y-Yes! Yes, I-I'm... Dumb... S-Slut..." You manage to get out as the vibrations come back again, this time at around a 5. Just enough to make you want more...

"Ji-Jimin..." You whine between pants as Jimin leans forward now and watches you like you're his favorite tv show.

"You're sensitive tonight, huh. What? Haven't cum in awhile?" He smirks and you lick your lips.

"I... N-Not today." You whisper lustfully and Jimin groans softly at your confession.

"Did somebody make you cum yesterday?" He asks, a hard look on his face that you want so badly to kiss away. But you had to stay professional. Whatever the hell that meant in this line of business...

"N-No." You whisper fast, knowing how Jimin loved hearing he was the only client that could actually work you up like this. He smirks and raises the vibrations some more.

"Poor doll. What would you do without me? Hm?" He wonders as he eyes you. "You wanna hump? Hm? You fucking beg me first. You don't control that body. I do." He says and your eyes roll back at that, the pleasure clouding your mind like usual. You were addicted to this.

"Please! Please, let me..." You beg.

"You can do better than that." Jimin laughs lowly and you whine more, head rolling back. "Look at how you get from me controlling some machine. Now just imagine if I could fuck you..." He whispers and the image is a juicy one. You didn't have to wonder. You knew if you ever gave in to Jimin's advances, you wouldn't regret it. But it was against workplace rules...

And you could not lose this damn job. Or the paycheck. But none of that stopped you from imagining Jimin taking you roughly in this damn room...

"Please! Please, Jimin. Please let me hump this toy while I look at you..." You whisper in need as you force yourself to look him in the eyes. He smirks wider and presses the button on the remote attached to the chair. The vibrations go from a 5 to a 7 fast.

"Grind against the toy. Little desperate slut... Keep looking at me while you do it. Don't you fucking take your eyes off of me. Don't you fucking dare. Do you understand, doll?" He whispers with a darkness to his tone that only adds to your pleasure. You nod fast.

"Words, doll." Jimin says and you open your mouth only for that 7 to go to an 8 and make you moan louder.

"Yes!" You cry out as you start to grind against the vibrations. Jimin licks his lips and groans softly as he watches your body begin to tremble.

"Stick that tongue out. I wanna watch my dumb slut drool on herself." He orders and you whine but do as you're told, sticking out your tongue as you hump faster.

"That's my good girl..." Jimin praises softly as you feel the drool start to drip from your tongue, falling on to your chest. It just added to your horniness.

"Are you close?" He whispers and you whine in response before realizing you had to use your words.

"Y-Yes. Yes..." You gasp out. Between the clamps and the collar, you felt like you couldn't breathe in the best way possible.

"But you won't. Not until I say, right? I could even leave right now. Leave you drenched and right on the edge..." Jimin whispers and you shake your head fast.

"No! No, please..." You beg, desperate for release at this moment. Jimin had never denied you in the past, but you couldn't help but plead for him not to start now.

"I-I'll do anything! God, please!" You cry out, unable to lift your hips to relieve the pressure of the vibrations against your clit. That would just get you in trouble...

"Anything?" Jimin asks, eyebrow raising at the tempting deal. You notice his eyes darken and for a second, you wonder is saying that was the smartest choice...

He looked like he already had something in mind.

But you were right on the edge and holding it back, unable to cum until you hear the order come from his lips. You would do just about anything in this moment.

"Well. In that case," He chuckles softly. "Go ahead and cum, doll. For me." He whispers and your eyes roll back as you let yourself go.

"Oh my god!" You call out as your head falls back, causing the clamps to tug harder on your nipples and the collar to tighten and you get this head rush as you feel the water just come out of you...

Jimin's eyes widen for only a second before he rubs his face slightly. "Oh fuck." He whispers as you come back to reality, feeling sensitive and lightheaded. That had taken a lot out of you. Realization dawns as soon as you can think straight. You just...

"You squirted." Jimin says, eyes hungry for you as your body trembles in aftershocks.

"N-No more. Too... Too much." You manage to whisper between heavy pants and Jimin stops the vibrations to allow you to come down. He didn't wanna work you up too much...

You try getting off the machine, but your legs are like jelly. Jimin gets up and walks over to the glass box. He wasn't allowed in this section, but you... Always allowed it cause he only ever came in here to help.

He walks in and grabs you off of the machine and chuckles softly. "That's my good doll. This is why you're my favorite." He whispers in your ear as you whimper softly in response. He lays you on the soft carpet and takes off your collar and nipple clamps. He helps dress you back up as you lay basically limp. You were still floating. You smile up at Jimin and he takes a moment to really look at you before he hums.

"Are you okay?" He asks and you nod. "Words, doll." He states.

"Yes. I-I'm okay." You say gently and he hums.

"Good. Because you need to hold up your end of the deal..." He says expectingly and you blink in confusion before you remember. "You said anything." He smiles slyly at you and you feel your mouth get dry.

"Jimin, I... I can't sleep with yo-" He cuts you off.

"Is that what I asked for? No." He says and you feel slightly disappointed, but ignore that.

"Then... What do you want?" You ask gently as he stands up and holds out a hand for you. You take it and he helps you up, pulling you into his grasp. He looks down at you, the height difference noticeable when you weren't wearing your heels.

"Do you know what Chuseok is?" He asks and you hum.

"It... It's a Korean holiday, right?" You ask.

"Right. Like Korean Thanksgiving. A three-day harvest holiday. I have to go tomorrow so I can spend a week with my family. I... I need a plus one." He says and you freeze.

"I... I can't go! That... That's extremely unprofessional!" You try and he eyes you.

"Y/N, I just made you squirt on a remote controlled Sybian. I think we're passed professional." He says casually and you blush at the obviousness of that statement.

"Your family. Won't they mind? I-I mean... I can't. I can't miss work." You try and he nods and pulls out his wallet from his back pocket.

"What do you usually make in a week, hm? About... A grand? Two?" He asks as he starts to count the money in his wallet.

"Two thousand dollars? A little insulting..." You try and joke to cut the tension. But with someone like Jimin... That's impossible...

"You're right." He nods before he pulls out his black American Express card. "Pin is 573-" You cut him off.

"Whoa, whoa, I'm not... Taking your card." You try fast and he hums and puts it in your bra strap.

"Use this to take out whatever your time is worth. And I'll see you tomorrow morning when I pick you up for the airport." He says as he walks out of the box.

"Hey! Wait a second, I never agreed to... You don't even know where I live!" You try before remembering the two nights it had rained heavily and Jimin had his personal driver give you rides to and from work. You curse.

"Jimin!" You try as he walks to the door. He was so used to getting what he wanted. Always. God, he was spoiled...

"I'll see you tomorrow, doll. My driver will wait here for you after your shift." He says before smirking and leaving. You blink in shock. What the hell just happened?!

You stare down at the credit card and shake your head slowly.

Fuck...

***************************************************

Hope you enjoyed!

[kulemiwrites]

Voyeur | Takayuki Yagami & Masaharu Kaito

Lust could make a man do strange things...

Part: 0.5

Genre: SMUT

Rating: 18+

Word count: 2.2K

Character(s): Takayuki Yagami, Masaharu Kaito | fem!Reader

Warning: Heed the title as your warning.

Author's Note: I've been rotating this little idea in my head around like a rotisserie chicken for like 2 years, I think. Tonight, I finally got motivated to flesh out the old rough outline and when I did, I suddenly got super excited to write it out! In truth, it took me this long because I kept fighting myself on if I should write it since it's very... uh, morally dubious? Okay, so maybe it's a little fucked up actually buuuut, I thought it was fun! LMAO. I'm not sure if anyone other than me would be into this though. So, I'll be posting this prologue and just kinda monitoring the reception for a while to determine if I should finish it (publicly at least) Too tired and lazy to make a banner but I wanna post this now because I'll be busy the next couple days. I'll come back and edit this once I make one!

Too long for Tumblr? Read on AO3!

~Prologue~

Everything about what Yagami was doing now– what he’d been doing for months now– was wrong, but damn would he be lying if he said that it didn’t feel oh so fucking right. His eyes poured over you and he found that at this second, he couldn’t even recall the moment this all started. 

This internal game of tug of war. 

The night you strutted into the bar, in that teensy black dress with a sinful smile painted on your lips and a splotch from Kaito’s greed painted on your neck, Yagami knew that he found you attractive. The question he couldn’t answer though, was when did a simple acknowledgement of your attractiveness shift into such a shameful, feral need to have himself buried inside you like this? 

He couldn’t explain it himself. 

There wasn’t a definitive moment when he decided that he had to have you. He just knew that one day he realized he did and by then, it was already too late. He was already in far too deep to turn back. 

Sometimes, he wondered that if he had caught the shift sooner could he have chosen better? Could he have protected you from himself? Protected his relationship with Kaito, a man he cherished– a man he deeply respected. If he’d just reminded himself of what the other man meant to him, could he have prevented himself from doing something so despicable? Could he have stopped himself being so selfish and doing something this deplorable? 

Unforgivable…

He knew the answers to those questions and as much as he hesitated to acknowledge them, he couldn’t deny the truth.

And that… was but a fraction of the sin he knew Kaito would never forgive. 

He’d gone much too far. 

It didn’t matter how many half-baked excuses Yagami cooked up and stored in his arsenal for the day he was inevitably confronted, Yagami knew better than to believe that his friend– his most trusted partner, would ever go for it. In fact, he was fully certain that Kaito would bash his head in before he even managed to bullshit his way through the first one.

Yet, that fact didn’t prevent him from hissing out a swear at the feel of that tight grip around his length. 

Hot. 

God, he was so fucking hot. 

He should’ve stopped to crack a window– No, he should’ve cracked it beforehand because he was far too engrossed in you to stop now. 

His tongue darted out to swipe at his dry lips and he caught the droplet of sweat cascading past the right corner of his lips.

He was probably as sweaty as you now but he didn’t mind and he didn’t care one bit that your sweat had stained the faux leather of his sofa. Not when you glistened so divinely. He’d give the spot a scrub tomorrow but for now, you prepaid for the damage by having your tits on display for him to admire. The way they jiggled with each hard thrust, he’d have thought that they were beckoning him to have a taste. 

How tantalizing… 

Fuck!

He spat the word with so much venom that the burn lingered behind in his throat long after the growl had left him. 

He had to hand it to you…

You knew how to take a cock better than any girl he’d ever had. What a greedy little thing. Three orgasms in and you were still so desperate for more? The corners of his mouth quivered at the thought. Hell, he almost couldn’t keep up with you. The violent twitch of his dick was warning him of that with every passing moment. If he didn’t lag his strokes, he’d have spilled himself before you’d had your fill and well, he couldn’t have that. 

How would he ever be able to face you then?

Your perfect lips parted but with no sound to spill from them, he failed to pick up what you were hoping to communicate. 

“What are you trying to say?” his query falling only on his ears alone.

A pang surged through his chest when your dainty fingers reached to desperately claw at the man’s chest, your back bowing off the sofa. If he hadn’t been at this for so long, he’d have struggled to believe it. 

You were coming again?

A biting chuckle pushed past his lips as the thought crossed his mind: Surely he wasn’t that good.

He allowed the bitter thought to drown beneath the crack of skin viciously clapping against itself as he watched you parsimoniously help yourself to the cock that had been splitting you. 

Shiiiit. This one seemed to have been wearing you down, but it was just as well. He’d long since reached his limit too.

Your lips parted wide and this was but one of the many times he’d cursed himself for not installing a camera with an audio feed. However, now was not the time to disparage himself for his lack of foresight. If he focused right now and remembered your tells from the other videos, he could time you coming undone perfectly with his own peak. 

If he really tried, he could probably recall the sound of your voice almost perfectly too.

You’d been so fucking loud tonight. He’d heard you through the window when he rounded the corner on his way back to the office and it only grew clearer with each stair he climbed. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have believed that you wanted to get caught fucking your boyfriend– or whatever it was you were calling Kaito these days, on the couch in his office like a couple of filthy animals. 

He could have laughed when he received that frantic text from Kaito asking him to pick up a pack of smokes after you were done to try and buy a little more time to get yourselves together. The errand had done him a favor too, at least. He was able to awkwardly walk off the boner you’d given him and had cleared his mind well enough to think to slip out of his coat and strategically drape it over his arm to cover the wet spot left behind at the front of his jeans.

And that too was laughable in retrospect, considering you and Kaito hadn’t even bothered to try and hide the wet spot left behind on his sofa from your secretions, thinking that you could lie about spilling a bottle of water and get away with it as if he couldn’t smell the scent of salacious sex in the air lingering beneath Kaito’s air freshener made of cigarette smoke. 

Not to mention, there wasn’t a single empty water bottle in sight…

He had to bite the insides of his cheeks when he let out that low hum of understanding, so that he could pretend that he bought the bullshit you were selling without laughing. 

The two of you truly believed he was a fool but he supposed the feeling was mutual. Just how many times did you think you could fuck in his office without him finding out about it? 

Without him doing something about it….

Your side profile was gorgeous. If he were any bit of an artist, he imagined he’d have been able to draw it from memory now. 

Kaito pressed his lips to yours as his hips grew more ragged, not a semblance of rhythm even without the sound of them connecting. You broke away to toss your head to the side, showing Yagami even more of your blissed out expression. 

He gasped, taking his plump bottom lip– plump from his own harsh sucking of it, between his teeth then hesitated to shut his eyes so that he could focus on recalling the obscene sounds you gifted to all of Building One and Nakamichi Street. It was any wonder how he hadn’t received a noise complaint yet on account of you– then he’d have to confront you two.

But that would ruin the fun for everyone. 

Fuuuuck, he wanted y– scratch that, he needed you.

He can’t think of a person he’s ever lusted after this desperately in his life. Not even his most recent ex had made him this delirious, and she was a total smoke show.

The thought stole a pathetic sob from him and he immediately snatched the hem of his white t-shirt and clenched it tight between his teeth to force himself silent but there was no use. The moment the sudden draft kissed his perspiring skin, he gasped. His messy head of hair lolled back against the sofa, Adam’s apple bobbing with desperation as he pushed out ragged breath after ragged breath. 

It was Kaito’s name that you cried out to the skies tonight but if he focused hard enough, he could deceive himself into believing that he’d heard you call on him instead.

That was the thought that sent him tumbling over the edge. 

Your pretty teeth chattering before they’d briefly connect to make the Tah in Takayuki…

He’d cum so hard that when his eyes shot open, he thought he’d seen his soul appear before him before they fluttered shut again. A colorful string of filth spilled past his lips as he twitched through the final tugs at his dick, warm ribbons of pearlescence making a mess of his veiny hands, sweaty thighs and even reaching the table in front of him, narrowly missing you on his laptop.

Yagami teased the angry red head of his length, drawing out the last of the pearls trickling out of his slit until there was nothing left.

The resentful surge that had become increasingly more familiar these days coursed through him when he returned his attention to the screen and found you idly running your fingers through Kaito’s hair as he trembled above you in a slump.

Had Yagami believed in a higher power, he might have prayed at the moment that one day, he’d find himself under the caress of that same tender hand. No matter how immoral an ask it may have been. 

But alas…

Letting out a heavy whoosh, signaling profound relief, he ripped his white tee over his head in a single motion. Then, he used it to dab away the sweat from his face and chest and clean the cum from his fingers, stomach, thighs and table then dropped his mess in a heap on the floor near his feet. He wrestled his pants back up his hips but didn’t bother to fasten them for now and reached for his laptop. 

Using his middle finger, he swirled the cursor around the screen as he contemplated if he wanted to continue to watch the footage or close it until he saw something that made his heart and stomach lurch. He wasn’t certain if what he thought he’d seen was what he actually saw and he had to be certain before his mind fell into an anxious frenzy. 

With furrowed brows, he tapped the left arrow key to rewind thirty seconds and leaned in with narrowed eyes to confirm. When he caught your eyes making direct contact with the camera, this throat tightened. 

He hadn’t been mistaken. You looked. 

And you looked like you knew what you were looking at.

A chill rippled through him from head to toe. Every hair on his body, thick and fine, stood when he spotted the slow curving of your lips. But the moment that made him slam his laptop shut– the moment that stole his breath away was the moment you winked at him.

You fucking winked?

He reached to run both unsteady hands through his damp hair as he turned that second over and over and over again in his mind. 

No one had known about the camera he’d installed, right? Not even, Kaito…

Right?

How the hell would you know before his own business partner– the man who shared this office knew? And why hadn’t you told Kaito yet? Why hadn’t you confronted him yet? Or at the very least, why were you continuing to fuck in his office if you had suspicions someone had been watching you? 

Surely his mind was playing tricks on him. You didn’t know. There was no way you knew but if you did, what did that smile mean? 

No… 

He had to investigate. He had to get to the bottom of this. But how was he meant to do that without somehow incriminating himself? And what the fuck did that smile mean? 

The questions whirled through his mind at a pace that was beginning to make him lightheaded. 

He ripped his laptop back open and furiously entered his password, his leg bouncing from the sudden influx of nerves. He knew what he had to do. Perhaps his judgment was too clouded by arousal that he’d missed something crucial up until that point. Maybe there was a trail of clues in the footage that’d tell him everything he needed to know. 

He just needed to rewatch the video, starting from the moment you straddled Kaito on this very sofa. 

He sucked in a barbed breath as he tapped the spacebar. This time, he wouldn’t skip a second. This time, he was watching for personal business and not personal pleasure. 

When he felt the flutter in his groin, he wondered, for the first time in his career, if he’d be able to get through his investigation without shoving his hands back down his pants.

Please do not reupload/repost/rewrite but likes and a reblog go a long way! Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this, you're welcome to check out more of my work! I have a masterlist to save you browse time!

[timidxtempted]

I don't know shit about guns.

But I know a li'l bit about triggers.

Triggers, I mean the trauma kind, are not fun surprises. They'll hit you like a bullet and leave you just as bloody, even if you don't see it on the outside.

Of course, you can mitigate the likelihood, and you can prepare yourself in advance. Protect yourself. Prepare for every possible eventuality that you can come up with. Plan. Plan again. Plan more. There. That should be easy enough. Good job. You have done it. Outsmarted your trauma.

Right up until you haven't.

No matter how methodically you try to remove all possibility, something is bound to happen that - surprise! - is just gonna knock you on your traumatized ass. Doesn't even have to be done purposefully. Although, intentionally shot is usually particularly armour piercing.

Boom. You're hit. You might not stagger visibly, but that doesn't mean you weren't hit, and hit hard.

The best case scenario is that you are in a safe space or with a safe person - or can hang on until you get safe... and then drag out your coping skills and start trying to find the one that's going to work best.

It's just...if you're like me...you might start talking to yourself.

Unkindly.

Why the fuck did that happen? You're past that. You conquered. You built yourself a big fuckin wall, brick by motherfuckin brick, you did that all on your own, and you have no business being triggered. What is the matter with you, why aren't you over this shit. It was long ago. Fucking weak. You should be embarrassed for reacting this way.

It's not nice to read it all laid out there (wasn't pleasant typing it, either) but I'm just being honest about what I'd said to myself after the event that precipitated this post in the first place.

I was lucky that day. I was able to hang on until I got safe.

But it got me thinking for a long time afterward.

Thinking about triggers.

And guns.

I don't know shit about guns.

I don't know what they feel like.

I don't know what it feels like to fire one.

I have never even held a gun.

Even when triggered, it's not like I think I'm the one doing the triggering.

So...

So why am I so willing to shoot myself down for my response to a trigger when I was not the one holding the proverbial fucking gun?

I'm only saying this out loud (by typing it) because it made me stop and think about how many times I've blamed myself for getting shot. Or berated myself for not thinking to wear full body armour to brunch. Or kicked myself for not figuring out how to deploy a full impenetrable shield to move about the planet.

So I decided that the next time (and there will undoubtedly be a next time) I'm finding myself triggered, instead of hurting myself even more by telling me I failed, I'm going to try reminding myself that not only am I not the one pulling the trigger...

...but it was never even my gun in the first place.

(This has been sitting in my drafts for a couple of weeks, after I was triggered pretty hard by something I thought I should not have been. I finished it tonight after a conversation shared. So I edited some, added some, and smoothed some out. And now, it's stronger than it could have been without that conversation. That's pretty fucking cool.)

[brionysea]

possessiongate: explained

i've been vague posting about this for a while, but after mapping everything out i think it's time for a full analysis of stranger things 4 and what's going on with mike wheeler in it

i think vecna is in mike's head. i think mike is being possessed by vecna at certain points in the season, which is why he's suddenly so weird and inconsistent about a lot of things

@dinitride-art’s post on the visuals of mike’s monologue sent me down this rabbit hole, and since going through everything for this explanation with that in mind, i'm now extremely convinced that this is intentional

i’m going to follow mike through the entire season to explain what he's thinking, what's going on in his head in general, and why it's not what the show wants us to think

very lengthy explanation under the cut!

we start in hawkins, with el's letter. it's the first thing we see. the camera only secondarily pans up to mike. then nancy suddenly barges in, seems to snap him out of something, and we immediately get the question "what the hell are you doing?", which mike never actually provides an answer to

in the second shot we get of mike, the sign above his bed is only partially visible. it reads “one w”

one -> vecna

w -> wheeler

there's an almost immediate connection, and it has something to do with el because her letter is still in frame until mike throws it away. vecna intends to use mike against el

when we get a wider view of the room, it's a complete mess. last time we saw mike's room it was immaculate. we can see daylight coming through the window in the mirror ("one way" mirror -> one is watching him without his knowledge) but his lamp is still on, implying he's been up all night

there are a lot of time references surrounding mike in this opening sequence. time -> clocks -> vecna

mike's issue with sleeping (which is later revealed as a sign that vecna is in your head) gets a bit closer to noticeable when he starts to say something that's probably along the lines of him going to bed early not mattering because he won't be able to sleep anyway, but he doesn't get the chance to finish what he wants to say. this happens a lot this season

karen: you need to go to bed early tonight. mike: why? ted: it's a 6:30 flight, michael. mike: yeah, i know, but— karen: no buts. 9 or no california. ted: and no sweetie pie.

they're already hiding mike's thoughts from us. even when we’re seeing things from his point of view, for one reason or another, we’re not allowed to know what he’s thinking despite him actively trying to tell us

ted’s comment brings up el again, further connecting her to the time references and mike’s concerning behaviour

mike is immediately not okay for some reason, from his very first scene, but it’s not in our face like max. it’s hidden. nancy doesn’t comment on the state of his room even though this isn’t normal for him. his parents kind of seem to assume that him trying to brush off his need for sleep is just him being a stubborn teenager. his grades having slipped is told to us through a joke while the same thing with max is pointed out as not normal and a sign that something’s wrong. the characters haven’t noticed, and a good majority of the audience won’t notice either unless they go looking for it. it’s all there, but it's hidden in plain sight

for this first day, mike is 100% mike. this is establishing who he is now, without any active supernatural interference. mike is over the forced conforming of last summer, mike doesn’t care about being popular, mike doesn’t care about girls laughing at him, mike is embracing his love of dungeons and dragons again, mike is shamelessly sending heart eyes the way of the cool older guy who likes dnd and rock music and shows him it’s okay to be different. this is setting up the contrast for when he starts acting like a completely different person later

because of an outside influence in the shape of eddie, mike does a few uncharacteristic things. he ditches lucas and lets someone else lead, instead of leading by example like he usually does and just telling dustin that they’re going to the basketball game anyway. he did fight for lucas in the first place, being the only one who could just say that they needed to postpone, but he gets manipulated in a direction he doesn’t want to go. this really sets the stage for what’s going on with him this season

mike is having headaches. this is another sign of vecna being in his head. i think of it like a physical defence mechanism, a sign from your body that something’s wrong, similar to the nosebleeds since they both stem from the brain. which there’s also a very small hint of when mike does this very subtle sniffing thing while sitting outside with dustin like there’s something tickling his nose

there’s the beginning of mike not really knowing what’s going on

mike: screw what? [...] what? what? dustin, where are you going? [...] come on, just talk to me! tell me things! [...] what are you talking about?

this is new territory. mike usually knows everything for absolutely no reason. he's being removed from his leadership position as the dungeon master and his ability to understand the situation is being messed with. that functionally changes his role, and effectively disables him as a character so that the season can work and vecna can win

they neutralised jonathan so that he couldn't support will and el by making him a stoner. they (vecna) neutralised mike so that he couldn't support will and el by making his mind not his own anymore

during the campaign, an argument starts up. mike doesn't take part until dustin puts his ego on the backseat to ask what mike thinks, reminding us just how smart mike really is and the effect he has on people. especially since his advice works. mike, always being more inclined to fight than run, supports dustin's plan

mike: it's risky as hell. but you're the ones on the battlefield. so it's your call.

this sounds like mike giving advice that he wants to hear himself. specifics of the campaign aside, getting told that he's smart and capable and should trust his own judgement is a major turning point in his character later on

right around the time mike would be meeting his curfew (offscreen, because we're not allowed to see that either) and committing to visiting the byers, vecna moves in for the kill and chrissy dies

mike was supposed to visit the byers months earlier but he didn't for some reason, and them coming back to hawkins for christmas didn't work out either. it's easy to find a reason why, probably money, but mike had already gotten permission from karen at the end of season 3 and money isn't a problem for them. he could have just been doing his avoidance thing, or it could be a play on the pattern of him being late to things, but i'm curious if he subconsciously knew that something bad would happen if he left and held it off as long as he could. considering mike is already acting like someone else when he gets off the plane and his clothes, which he must have put on in hawkins, are used to indicate that, it's possible vecna took control in this offscreen blind spot and made him go. the fact that it took this long for that to happen really is a testament to mike's mental strength

now we’re in california! and mike immediately starts acting weird. he’s wearing sunglasses indoors, which is unnecessary and really stands out. i also get a vibe of implied dishonesty

mike: so i kinda did, like a 70/30 split, kinda thing.

70% vecna. 30% mike. this is absolutely an intentional slip from vecna, since we know he likes just telling people his plans and feeling smug about how clever he is when he still fools them

mike is very weird towards will, which is so unlike him that absolutely everyone picks up on it. mike got over his “ignoring will” issues near the end of season 3. he looked devastated and completely dead inside the day they left hawkins. there is no way that mike, fully in control of himself, would treat will this way after seeing him again for the first time in months

argyle: that's a rad shirt, man. ocean pacific? [...] oh no, no, no. no, it's a shitty knockoff. yeah. but don't worry, i'll get you the good threads out here.

mike shows up acting fake. the dialogue points out that his shirt is fake. and a bad fake, at that, but one that's convincing enough at first glance. you can connect the dots

then argyle brings up nancy and things get awkward, but like most of the romance this season (especially around mike), i think it's meant to distract us

argyle: yeah, this is kinda awkward, man. mike: yeah, so awkward. argyle: i mean, i really thought it was ocean pacific.

it comes right back to the shirt. right back to mike being a fake. one that tricks you unless you look hard enough

things aren’t awkward because of nancy. they’re awkward because this random person who vecna didn't even seem to account for, based on the initial weird look mike gives him that really reminds me of possessed will looking at bob, called out his ploy in two seconds flat without even realising it

vecna has mike play along with the perfect, happy, normal couple ideal that el is aiming for, while simultaneously ignoring will. inevitably it crashes and burns, which vecna was probably counting on, because he knows lies like this never last

mike and will fight. mike's side involves a hurt that's based in not knowing what's going on. he looks confused when will describes the day they both just lived through (this will not be the last time this happens) and tries to just... leave the conversation. because he doesn't know what to say. because he doesn't know what will's talking about. this whole day was mostly from will’s point of view and doesn’t even touch mike’s, so we don’t even know what, exactly, mike is confused about or what he thought was happening

but will doesn’t let him walk away

will: you're mad that i didn't talk to you? seems like you made it super clear that you're not interested in anything i have to say. mike: that's just not true. will: you called maybe a couple times. it's been a year, mike. meanwhile el has like a book of letters from you.

we know mike cares what will has to say. he cares a lot. all he does this season is listen to what will has to say

it also hasn’t been a year. it’s been six months, tops. but mike and will stick to this even when most other characters talk about it normally. the only real time period in the show that matches up with what they’re saying was between seasons 1 and 2. before will got possessed. before will and mike spent an entire season joined at the hip while mike provided emotional support against the possession. which is exactly what happens in season 4, just in reverse

one line near the end of the fight hints towards mike already knowing something's wrong, despite being pretty majorly influenced by vecna for the majority of the day

mike: why... why am i the bad guy?

if this is mike — which, considering it sounds like he has to fight to say it, i think it is — it's possible that he saw/found the double meaning in argyle's comment earlier. he glanced down at his shirt when he heard it and didn’t really know how to respond to it

we saw how mike dressed just one episode ago, one day ago, and it wasn't like this. the outfit is used as an indication that something's wrong with mike. the logic of the clothes being unlike him probably opened up the floodgates for his intuition, which we know doesn't have to make logical sense for him to trust it

i’m dead certain that el heard this fight. she heard angela's group perfectly when they were a similar distance away from her, and she has a habit of hearing mike whether he wants her to or not. she seems to have very good hearing in general, possibly because of the way she was born. el knowing this will pop up again later

vecna manipulates mike's reaction to el schmacking angela, which mike notably seems confused about later and can't coherently explain. this part was very, very obvious. even casual viewers picked up on this reaction not matching up with mike’s prior reactions to el dealing with bullies

because of this preoccupation with mike, vecna has to pretty much speedrun fred's visions as this big chunk that takes long enough for the sun to set because he didn't have time to spread them out over the day like he did with chrissy. there was one individual vision, but it was relatively brief and wouldn't have left mike to his own devices for too long

this was most likely happening during the period where everyone was standing around rinkomania, on the drive home, and spilling into the dinner scene, because mike's stormy, silent judgement and bitchy glares are the most in character thing he's done in california so far

the byers and guests have dinner. mike seems normal at first, although there is another hint of a nosebleed. he quickly realises that murray's hiding something and gets visibly suspicious about it, he's still unimpressed by jonathan and argyle's shenanigans, and he instinctively questions joyce's last minute business trip but keeps his thoughts to himself, probably because he doesn't fully understand the situation and also likes and respects the byers too much to start a scene at the dinner table when he's a guest in their home. we saw this behaviour during eddie's campaign, the choice to not involve himself unless called upon while a whole lot's going on around him. this is all mike

and then mike starts a scene at the dinner table when he's a guest in their home

vecna must have jumped back shortly after killing fred. something switches, and suddenly mike's not acting like mike anymore

he makes a totally uncalled for, passive aggressive comment that upsets el further in response to jonathan and argyle trying to make her feel better. that happened on the drive home too, and while mike rolled his eyes at them, that's because they were ridiculously high and acting like it. he didn't have a problem with them being nice to el ten minutes ago. it comes completely out of nowhere. there was no indication he was even that upset about the angela incident prior to this. if anything he was thinking about his fight with will

el visibly finds mike's comment confusing for a second before she leaves to beat herself up in her bedroom, making it the second time in one day she's thought mike was acting wrong. and she's right to think that. mike only ever makes comments like this to el or will in the heat of the moment because they get special treatment. a chill family dinner where mike was previously minding his own business is not equivalent to el throwing lucas through the air and knocking him unconscious

mike doesn't eat at dinner. he's shown playing with his food and will is shown noticing it. argyle must have too because of something that happens later. mike has always done this when he's upset, dating all the way back to the first episode, but in this context it seems to be representative of him resisting something. it reminds me of his implied resistance to sleep too

joyce is confused by what’s going on, probably referring to jonathan and mike’s behaviour specifically. murray, the expert Seer of Things, watches el leave with mild surprise and then immediately looks straight at mike

murray: okay, i, uh, i sense tension. is it the risotto? everyone hates the risotto?

this is a joke, but mike is pointedly not eating the risotto in the same scene as he suddenly starts acting like a different person. it was a targeted comment. the tension is within mike. it's vecna fighting for control of mike's mind

jonathan and argyle, however, have only positive things to say about the risotto. this topic of food (in relation to mike) will pop back up later

now we’re onto the part of how and when vecna kills people that probably stumped robin when she tried to find a pattern to it. why they got an extra day to figure out max was in danger. it’s because vecna had to make sure mike wouldn’t fix things with el first. he’s still keeping an eye on the home team, because he starts opening the first gate the second they leave the trailer park, but el is his priority

mike mopes at breakfast. he still isn't eating. he's still resisting. will is still noticing, which is promising in terms of mike eventually getting help on this. but for now he loses again, just like last night, and he ends up chasing after el. he brings her food too, which as it currently stands is not a good thing. she doesn’t eat either, and i doubt she would have even if he’d brought cutlery

mike seems really confused during their conversation. he trails off a lot and talks himself in circles. it really stands out because it's so different from his usual speech patterns

el: you think i'm a monster too. mike: what? el: yesterday. the way you looked at me. you... you were scared of me. mike: no. no. no, that's not... that's... that's not true. i was surprised. maybe i was a little upset in the moment, but i mean... i'm sorry. i just... i didn't know what to do.

no mention of his comment at dinner. it's almost like he doesn't even remember saying it. he retroactively confirms that he didn't care that much about what happened once the shock wore off. and i cannot stress enough that he is so, so confused. this isn't about no one telling him anything anymore. he was there. he should know what he's talking about. but he doesn't

it sounds like he's seriously fighting to get the words out again, but cranked up to a hundred. this is probably why max got so much extra time. because mike is stubborn as hell, and every single season demonstrates how his true strength lies in his mind, and it probably took a lot of vecna’s focus to force him into upsetting el when we know how much he cares about her and he seems to be actively fighting it. it takes mike five tries to even start to say "that's not true," the same thing he said to will yesterday. but it’s such a minor detail, and they’re overshadowing it all with the love triangle drama, so it’s easy to miss

mike is usually so confident and so level headed and so silver tongued that he can get full grown adults like hopper to respect and listen to him in a crisis, so hearing him trip over his words like this is ringing major alarm bells. el looks confused by the way he's acting again because mike is truly gifted at quickly understanding and explaining situations. he's slightly worse off when they concern his feelings, but he's not this bad. the only way he'd be acting like this is if his ability to understand what's going on has been internally tampered with

the uncharacteristic hesitancy and confusion lingers for most of the scene, but it lets up a lot after "i say it" and entirely disappears by the end, where this really patronising tone comes in to fill its place that doesn't sound like mike at all. he calls el ridiculous, he tries to make her think she's making things up, he brushes off her feelings, he deflects. mike does not do this in conflicts with el. mike avoids. and mike has far more respect for el than this

mike: what, like... what is this? you know what i think of you.

this directly leads into mike externally basing el's self worth on being incredible and special and a superhero, which directly contradicts the information we already have about mike's thoughts on el's powers that they're actively drawing our attention to

in season 3, mike was the one person saying that el shouldn't have to use her powers. that she shouldn't be obligated to sacrifice everything for her friends. that she's more than a superhero or a machine. that she's a person who's worthy of protecting whether she's saving them or not. and he followed through on that when she initially lost her powers: he flipped the car when she couldn't, he made a plan to get her and max to safety and tried to protect her from vecna when they were trapped in starcourt, and months later he got a teddy bear down from the high shelf for her when she couldn't get it herself. there was no hint of mike's view of el potentially changing without her powers. none. and this show is very good at foreshadowing, so that absence is very conspicuous

the tail end of this speech doesn't sound anything like mike. there's a reason he sounds like he's fighting it

but you know who it does sound like? vecna. the guy who thinks every other human being is an unimportant nobody. the guy who says that brenner didn't matter because he was ordinary. the guy who thinks that el is on his level, whether that's as an apprentice or an enemy, because of how special and incredible and superpowered she is. the guy who wants to kill el's friends while she watches, or kill her while they watch, as punishment for turning against him. and he can't do any of that if she doesn't remember him, and she can't remember him until she's pushed into thinking that she's worthless without her powers, which is exactly what mike is putting into her head in this scene despite that not being how he sees her at all

the police interrupt before mike can get his head sorted out, and we get this

mike: everything's gonna be fine. i am going to fix this. okay? just... just stay calm and everything's gonna be fine. okay? just... all you have to do is trust me. i promise. i'm gonna get you out. i promise!

like to his advice to dustin, i think this reveals what's going on in mike's head. el doesn't want reassurance that everything will be okay. el doesn't need to be told not to panic. she's not the one panicking right now. these are all things that mike needs to hear

which implicitly makes "i'm gonna get you out" a lot more interesting. it applies to el, because she's getting arrested and later trapped by brenner, but how does it apply to mike? what does he need out of? what does he need rescuing from?

vecna focuses on max much later, after el doesn't return home and confirms that she's on her way to getting her powers and memories back. they try to hide it with the episode break, but mike immediately starts acting more like himself. he gets into an individual standoff with an authority figure representing the american government in like five minutes. that's the most mike wheeler thing he could possibly do

mike: so, what? we're just supposed to trust that you're the good guys? whoever you are?

this is mike in control of his own mind, mike who's finally acting like himself again, and he's telling us not to blindly trust anyone just because they're supposedly a good guy. he's telling us not to trust him, just like el didn't seem to earlier. because he doesn't trust himself right now. because he's been acting like someone else. if there's one thing mike is stellar at, it's tactical calls like this. this is exactly what happened when will was possessed

mike retreats upstairs to read el's letter, isolating himself. that particular habit becomes something very interesting in a little bit

dear mike, i have gone to become a superhero again. from, el

he realises that his words pushed el towards this decision, that he's the reason she chose to go back to some version of the lab, and he starts to wonder why the hell he said any of it. this kind of implies that what he said downstairs was entirely based on intuitive, subconscious knowledge, since he was pretty focused on the situation in front of him, and seeing something solid and tangible that proves there’s merit to the idea of something being wrong with him just kicked his brain into high gear

mike’s still very present in the hawkins part of the story during dear billy. they’re in mike’s space, and the way they’re hanging out without him there and not even trying to think of a plan makes his absence really obvious. max writes him a letter. max says his name twice, either independently of anyone else’s or before them. he appears in max's memory montage

we see the basement for the first time this season and it's as bad as his room. the lighting is much darker and less homey than before, there's no natural light, and the mess makes it feel claustrophobic when it’s actually a very open space. it's hard not to think that this is meant to be a physical representation of what's going on in mike's mind

as for what mike's actually doing, he has a clear head for the first time since he landed in california because vecna doesn't need to use him to mess with el anymore, and he's using it to question his own actions and words and why they don't reflect what he actually thinks

will: i… i just don't think they've actually thought this through. if this goes on for a month, or months, and people can't get a hold of us, they're gonna totally freak out. meanwhile my mom's probably having a panic attack already.

this is said by a rambling, pacing will, while mike sits on the edge of the bed, not moving, staring a hole through el's letter. it's the next day, and he's still hung up on it. he still can't figure out why he called el a superhero. this is a different type of anxiety than we've seen from mike before, because when mike is anxious he's usually the one pacing non-stop until everyone is annoyed with him. we saw that behaviour from him just last night, so he hasn't just dropped it

mike paces when he wants to fix an external problem. the fact that he's not moving at all here suggests that this is an internal one

the joyce mention can only be indicative of mike's mental space, because joyce isn't that anxious at all this season. certainly not enough to be reminiscent of a panic attack. this isn't foreshadowing for joyce, it's utilising the similarities between her and mike to tell us what he's on the edge of until will pulls him out of it

the idea of a problem lasting for months is interesting too, because threats from the upside down usually last for about a week. i think it's meant to indicate that what mike is quietly freaking out about has been going on for months, and that it’s connected to what's happening in hawkins

mike: before the cops came, me and el, we had a bad fight. we never fight. [...] but, i don’t know, this one just felt more adult.

when they got interrupted, they weren't talking about mike's inability to say he loves el. they were talking about el being a superhero

mike's confused as he says they never fight, which backs up el's confusion over his comment at dinner and his own confusion during the fight in question as mike not being in control during that conflict. this isn’t normal behaviour, and mike’s the one who started it so mike’s not normal right now

the adult comment is really telling too. it felt more adult because it was more adult, because there was an adult involved. vecna was involved

mike: and maybe i should've said something, and if i would've said that thing, then maybe she'd want me there with her. wherever she is.

the show wants us to think he's talking about the romantic conflict. but if what he's thinking about is the idea of breaking up with el, and what he's thinking about has him on the verge of a panic attack, then it can't be el because we've seen his reaction to breaking up with her before and he was totally fine. what they’re telling us is going on in mike’s head makes no sense at all

this is a trick. just like mike’s fake shirt. they're distracting us with the relationship drama and letting us assume that it's about el or will as we please, while mike never specifies that that's what he's talking about

he means the main bulk of the letter. he's talking about calling el a superhero instead of telling her what he actually thinks which is that she doesn't need powers to have worth. he's on the verge of a panic attack because he doesn't know why he said that, because he feels like he's losing his mind again, and because it physically drove el away to get her powers back at the same time as bad things are happening in hawkins. that combination usually leads to el endangering herself and mike protesting, so him driving her to it without even meaning to is definitely panic-worthy

will tells mike that he can see el again and say whatever he wants to say then, but mike clearly isn't convinced. he's not reassured. he doesn't want to hear that he's going to see el again. he doesn't actually want el to have taken him with her. because being near el means uncontrollably saying something he doesn't believe that hurts her again. this is the start of mike wanting to distance himself from el to protect her

mike significantly perks up when joking around/flirting with will and after jonathan makes the plan for them to go to hawkins (away from el), which leads into possibly the most mike scene in this entire season: the bedroom heart to heart with will

will: you're packed already? mike: yeah, i mean, i never really unpacked. thanks, by the way. will: for what? mike: for knocking some sense into me. i mean, i was being a total self-pitying idiot.

there's... a lot going on here. they bring up mike's emotional baggage and then almost immediately have him brush off his panic (a near panic attack, remember) from earlier that he never actually dealt with. both of their reactions support what i was saying earlier, that it would be ridiculous if mike was that panicked over el. not even el being in danger, just a fight with el

will definitely did the right thing by pulling mike out of that spiral and it makes sense that mike would thank him for that, but he was still thinking about it at the end of that scene before he got distracted by jonathan's plan. mike is still bottling things up. there are still things about mike that are being hidden from us

mike attributes his change in mood to will, which isn't entirely wrong. support systems do make a difference in fighting off possession, as seen with the shed scene back in season 2, and mike was instrumental in bringing will back so the opposite is most likely true. but the fact is that it isn't just will, it's that vecna isn't actively using mike anymore, and it’s that mike thinks he’s going to hawkins where he won’t be able to hurt el so he can stop worrying about it for now

mike: hey, also, about the last few days...

it was incredibly intentional that mike didn't get to finish this sentence. it would have told us too much if he did. getting an insight into what mike’s version of the first two days in california looked like would probably answer a lot of questions

mike gets distracted by will's inability to accept an apology, going against his prior, uncharacteristic behaviour of apparently noticing how will was feeling but not really doing anything about it, and we get likely the same information we would have but framed in a different way

mike: listen, the truth, is the last year has been weird, you know?

presumably he's just being dramatic again and actually means the time since the byers moved, but that's still a long time. and if things have been weird in the same way that the last few days have been weird, where he’s constantly confused and not acting like himself and not knowing what’s going on at all, that has some really sinister implications

will nods in response, because he does know. will knows what it's like to be possessed. he knows what it's like to have someone else in your head. he knows what it's like to feel like you're going crazy. he knows what it's like when someone else is using you to hurt the people you care about

mike says he feels like he was focusing too much on el and that he lost will in the process. vecna was using mike to upset el. he was pushing her where he wants her to go on the chess board. he was pushing her into remembering him so that when he tortures her he'll get the full satisfaction out of it. mike wasn't allowed to focus on will because vecna wouldn't get anything out of that

the way mike mends his relationship with will here by just being himself and caring is exactly what vecna was trying to avoid by not letting mike talk to el

they get knocked off course by the shootout, plans change, and their new goal is to find a way to el

vecna continues to leave mike alone, focusing on patrick and the nosy teenagers that are poking around his house. he wants the cali crew (and mike specifically) to find el, and just letting mike do his thing is the easiest way to make that happen

when argyle starts freaking out in the desert, mike realises while standing over an open grave that not only did his words send el away, they could directly lead to her death if anything happens to her. and he still has no clue why the fuck he said that. he freezes up again (continued indication that this is an internal conflict within his mind) as he gets caught up in that thought spiral, because he didn't actually resolve it before despite what he said to will. during their conversation on top of the car, mike connects the mystery of unknown hero agent man’s dying (lack of) words to his own situation

why didn't he just say the number? -> what the hell was going on with mike in the monster/superhero fight?

because mike still can't figure it out. he still doesn't know why he couldn’t just tell el what he thinks of her

mike: i should've explained myself. maybe then eleven would've taken me with her and things would be different, but i... will: no. mike: i didn't know what to say.

there's the reoccurring oddity of mike being uncharacteristically lost again. he didn't know what to say because he didn't know what was going on, and he still doesn't understand the fight or the things he said or why he lied right to el's face

the idea that things would be different if that fight had gone differently is an interesting thing to bring up. they're telling us it's important. the things mike said in that scene are important. if mike wasn't neutralised like this, things would be different. that's why vecna couldn't let him run wild and still entertain any idea of success

i think what they’re really getting at is if mike was able to give el a stronger hint that something’s wrong. because el is very clever, and i do believe that she figures it out near the end of the season, but it would’ve made a significant difference if she got it just a few days earlier

will: i think it's just scary to open up like that. to say how you really feel. especially to the people you care about the most. because what if they don't like the truth?

queercoding aside, that last question really freaks me out within this context. because yes, it was the 80s, but good people existed in the 80s. good people have always existed. our cast of main characters is made up of good people. none of them would hate mike for being queer, even if it's a very understandable fear for him to have. but if mike was unwittingly giving information to vecna? if he was used to push vecna's plans into motion? if he was used to cause the downfall of hawkins?

that's a much, much scarier thing to think about. because i find it more plausible that people would be angry at him for that. mike could easily think so too, even if it's not his fault. he'd certainly blame himself

then mike finds the coordinates, figures out what NINA is, and has the idea to go to suzie for help

the assumption that NINA is a phone -> the assumption that what mike wants to say is that he loves el

the reality that NINA is a computer -> the reality that what mike wants to say is that el doesn't need to have powers or be a superhero to matter

mike: now i don’t know if NINA’s a computer like joshua or owens’ lab, but unknown hero agent man, he gave us access to it for a reason. we just need to find the computer. we find owens, then we warn him. then we warn eleven. i just need a hacker.

this is a coded way for them to talk about what’s going on with mike through the connection they established between the number and the superhero fight. he doesn’t know what’s happening to him, but he knows that it’s happening for a reason. he needs to find out what the situation is and then warn el. and he can do that by going to suzie

mike’s headache from the first episode makes a reappearance when they get there. vecna’s still in his head, just dormant. mike lies flawlessly with will, in contrast to dustin, lucas and max doing a very bad job of it. they’re reminding us that mike is good at lying to make us look closer at the things he’s been saying

suzie: i’m really sorry. truly. but it looks like you came all the way here for nothing. unless… mike: unless? suzie: there might be a way. but we’re gonna need help. and i mean a lot of help.

they said that mike would find answers at suzie’s house. this is it. the scene cuts to karen looking for the kids and running down into the basement right after this, which is looking good for their relationship growing stronger next season

mike came here looking for a computer, and they end up needing suzie’s father’s computer, which is locked up in his study. they use the help from before to distract him, sneak in, and start looking for answers

jonathan: maybe it’s hidden in the code somehow? mike: what you just said makes no sense. suzie: hold your butts. i’ll just trace the IP.

someone’s going to overcomplicate the situation because mike’s head has so much constantly going on in it that even a certified genius like suzie has an initial “what is all this?” reaction to it when she sees the mountains of code on the real world equivalent. but there’s going to be a really simple solution that most of them were too overwhelmed to think of immediately

the cali crew succeed, so whatever this section is foreshadowing in season 5, it’s going to work. much better than the similar plan of this season. there are a million more distractions, everyone gets out unharmed, and the person who locked up the computer is none the wiser at the end

even with the coordinates, they have a hard time finding NINA. mike and will are on the same page but jonathan insists on rechecking the map. it's right, and they remind us that mike said as much. we should trust what he's thinking about something being wrong with him and we should trust the coded solution he just found

argyle is the one who actually finds the trail, so for some reason he's going to be really important to fixing this problem

back in hawkins, vecna plays mind games with nancy and uses her as a messenger for el too. apparently that's just a thing for the plot relevant wheelers

then there's the painting scene. which i think vecna was listening in on, but i don’t think he was influencing it

the answers they found at suzie's were that mike needs help. will gives him help when he starts spiralling about the closing distance between him and el, real help that actually gets through to him, by reminding him of who he fundamentally is. when mike is literally losing himself, that makes all the difference

the scene is also very visually similar to when will was possessed. will is being absolutely smothered in light from the window, because he's mike's light, the one max says you have to hide in to escape vecna, and when the shed scene turned into a time skip montage mike was lit in a similar way

mike: i mean, she’s special. she was born special. maybe i was one of the first people to realise that.

this doesn’t make any sense unless it’s mike looking back into vecna’s mind without realising, because it’s just not true for mike but it is something vecna would think. he was talking about how el was born special (like him) just last episode. he’s the one who told her the secret to making her powers stronger because he saw himself in her

if you zoom in on what mike’s saying, you get “maybe i was one”. was. past tense, when el was nearby. now he’s mike again

when nancy delivers the message for el, it includes seeing mike dead. vecna definitely knows who he is and he's in danger

then we find out, through el, that mike did try to call will. he tried to call him a lot. enough that dustin was sick of hearing about it

dustin: i told you, joyce has this telemarketer job. she's always on the phone. mike won't stop whining about it.

so why didn't mike say as much in their rinkomania fight? he'll complain to dustin but not to will? he was defending himself, saying it's not solely on him to maintain that relationship, so why wouldn't he say something along the lines of "at least i tried," because we all know mike can get harsh in arguments with will that he thinks are unfair

why would mike say that will should have reached out more but not say that he did try to reach out himself? he told el that he called her every night for 353 days without any hesitation, so he doesn't think admitting to that kind of thing is embarrassing. he wanted el to know that he missed her. he protested when will said he deserved the way he was treated during that argument. he wasn't afraid of will knowing how much he cares because he started shamelessly flirting and told will that hawkins isn't the same without him like two days after their fight, once he started acting like himself again

and that's the problem. because it wasn't fully mike at that point. all he could get out was "that's just not true," which was calling on our pre-existing knowledge of him to piece things together

which is exactly what el starts doing. she has a lot on her mind, but she's noticed all of mike’s odd behaviour already. this is just another thing that's so blatantly contradictory that it pushes her towards really questioning where all of it is coming from. she knows this doesn't make sense. if she heard mike and will arguing about the calls she heard mike say that he was the bad guy. that was the very first hint mike seemed to be trying to give anyone that something was wrong with him, the first real effort he made to warn them, despite not fully knowing what he was warning them of. and el's figuring it out. this perfectly matches up with what jonathan said at suzie's about the answers being hidden in the code, and with mike’s goal of warning el

we get our second elmike reunion of the season, and it's right this time. el gives him a once over when she first sees him, and she seems to realise very quickly that this is actually mike. his smile looks real. he’s wearing his signature colour. he hugs el the way he usually does. they do their cute little forehead touch thing that we saw in starcourt after vecna almost killed her. he's not wearing unnecessary sunglasses. he's not ignoring will

in contrast to the shitty knockoff comment from the airport reunion, we get this

el: oh, mike. is it really you? mike: it's me. i'm here. el: okay.

that's the most "loved one fighting off possession" dialogue ever. and there's no reason el would ask that question if she hadn't realised that he's been not mike at some point, because el isn't a character like mike or joyce or hopper or will who's had problems with not knowing what's real before

this is confirmation that despite vecna's interference, mike is still here. this is will speaking through morse code and just saying the word "here" after being given strength by mike and his family, just like mike was given strength by will. and el looks so happy about it that it suddenly makes me as emotional as the willel reunion does

then we get into the piggyback, which i think has some layers to it as an episode title. it's been said a lot that vecna's like el. not just that he has powers like her or that he's from the lab like her, but that he's like her. it's incredibly easy for me to believe that they think similarly enough to have the same ideas. using mike to get to el could be described as piggybacking

el came up with it by remembering the times she's gone into people's minds to find the source of why they changed. i think this could be part of the solution to getting mike back. it matches up with what suzie said about tracing the IP address. el will have to go into mike's mind to help him, finally letting us see everything that's been going on with him throughout the whole show. mike's role in the party is sharing vital information, so it wouldn't surprise me if he spies back on vecna like will did, especially since that was mike's idea in the first place, or shows el the way to find max or vecna's weakness

it's interesting that they keep calling it a mind fight too, because that doesn't really make me think of a fight in the mind. it sounds like a fight for the mind. and that's definitely not what happens with max, because her life is at stake, not her mind

over in russia, the adults finally hear about what’s going on

hopper: she said the doc's with the girl. and the girl went off to fight some evil in hawkins. then they all went off-grid. the doc, the girl, everybody. [...] and they're not alone. joyce's kids are with them.

mike isn't included in the group that's fighting vecna. this omission makes sense for argyle, because hopper doesn't know he exists and joyce has no reason to think he'd be with them, but there's no way in hell that mike would leave el or will in the middle of this. joyce knows that. joyce has seen firsthand how stubborn he is when will is in danger, and hopper came around to him being the same way with el by the end of season 3

i don't think this is a character thing. joyce only briefly saw mike acting weird at dinner after months of being nowhere near him and that isn't really enough to figure anything out, even for her. i think it was a very conspicuous decision for the writers to not align him with the strictly good guys’ side when they had the opportunity to

argyle making a pizza is included in the preparing for battle montage. it's funny, but it also implies that whatever happens with that pizza will be important to defeating vecna

then el and mike get their first real conversation. when mike puts the pizza box glasses on and confirms that they work, el is watching him like she's looking for something. it's only when he starts goofing around, like when he joked about his singing or made fun of himself with the M&Ms in season 3, that el relaxes and starts giggling and looking absurdly happy again. this is the way mike always tries to make el laugh. it's nothing like the lame socks joke from rinkomania

mike is literally in the dark. he can't see what's going on. el can

el: mike. mike: yeah? el: i… missed you. mike: yeah. yeah, i missed you too.

el is weighing her words very carefully. she doesn't know how much she can say to mike yet. and it really sounds like they've missed each other for longer than the few days separation, because they haven't really been together like this in months

from there mike brings up the monster/superhero fight again, and el just listens. she's feeling him out, waiting to see if he has some kind of explanation for what was going on there. because he was back to himself in the reunion scene, he was back to worrying about her safety and being relieved when she's okay. that was completely at odds with the superhero comment

argyle shows up with his pizza before mike can apologise or tell el that she doesn't need to act like a superhero for him to care about her. the pizza is for mike, it turns out, but he doesn't want it

and he shouldn't, right? wasn't food bad?

el: good. mike: it's good? what do you mean it's good? el: really good. mike: that's insane. that's blasphemous.

mike seems to think so. but then argyle and el conspire against him (and the fact that they're worried enough about him to make him eat something in the first place is really telling of how much trouble he's in), and he admits defeat and accepts more help

mike: okay, okay! no, you're right. it's good.

el says the pizza is good. jonathan and argyle said the risotto was good. will was eating at breakfast

mike wasn't eating the risotto when he disappeared and someone else filled his place. mike wasn't eating breakfast before he went up to el's bedroom and someone else filled his place. mike wasn't eating back in season 2 while his parents listed off all the ways he's bad and horrible, fundamentally, as a person. mike wasn't eating in the first episode when his parents said that he shouldn't look for will. nancy told mike that the things he likes to eat are disgusting in season 1

it was never about vecna. the food is mike. admitting that the food is good is admitting that he is good

el knows this. will knows this. jonathan knows this. argyle knows this, and he's only known mike for a week. the entire party knows this. dustin, lucas, joyce, max. even karen's catching on. ted thinks the game mike likes is lame and for nerds, but that it being called pure evil is ridiculous. nancy cried when she saw a vision of mike's dead body and used the desire to keep that from becoming reality as fuel to keep fighting

dustin told mike not to jump off the quarry. el always finds the strength to save mike. steve saved him in the tunnels. max freaked out when she thought he was dead at starcourt

mike constantly throws himself into dangerous situations with no care for his own safety. he put himself at high risk of getting shot during the shootout by physically shielding the others because he thought that would be better than will or jonathan getting shot, which jonathan had to put a stop to

everyone knows that mike wheeler is worth it. they're just waiting for him to catch up

that's what mike needs to beat this. he needs to realise that he, mike wheeler, is worth fighting for, exactly as he is. that his continued existence in this world is worth preserving. that he can't let himself disappear. fighting for his friends isn't enough, he has to fight for himself

here’s where we get into the mind fight, which mike isn’t really apart of, so there shouldn’t be a lot to say. right?

vecna: you think i don't see what you're doing? memory max: is mike a good kisser? vecna: you think i don't see everything?

no, it turns out there’s this very conspicuous placement of a mike mention in this part of the story. the dialogue in the memory montages this episode matter, and max's first one in the running up that hill scene had barely any dialogue because words don't seem to be the point for her. the point is the togetherness and joy and sense of belonging from having fun with her friends. if the point of that memory is el laughing, they could have just had that. they didn't have to include the line about mike right in the middle of vecna saying he sees everything, but they did. because vecna is watching mike, and watching el through mike

el was giving the cali crew updates the whole time she was looking for max. vecna only came for max when el said she was getting close so that he wouldn’t kill max too soon

into the red mind soup world we go! vecna monologues, tells el she's the monster, says that the whole point of this was for her to watch max die

vecna: all i needed was someone to open the door. and you did that for me. without even realising it. didn't you? and when you did realise, you chose to resist.

this would work perfectly if you put mike in this scene. mike was used to open the door to get el here. mike didn't know what he was doing. mike doesn't even need to fully realise what's happening to resist it

and now, we’ve finally reached the infamous monologue

mike asks if el can hear him a lot. the answer is yes, but she can't tell him. she can't tell him because of the vines. she can't tell him that she knows what he's been trying to say all week because mike isn't just mike anymore

mike: el? i don't know if you can hear this, but… but if you can, i want you to know i'm here, okay? i'm right here.

more confirmation that mike hasn't disappeared yet. that he's still in there. that there's still hope

then he starts getting into all the obvious lies. but the thing is, i don't think they're lies, because i don't think mike is the one saying them. mike is a good liar. vecna is giving the monologue. which means it's not a lie, it's just not true. and mike looks like he's fighting it the whole time. this is where the alternate interpretation of what a mind fight is comes in

at the end of season 3, max and mike were the ones with el when vecna chased her through starcourt. they tried to protect her from vecna. they stalled long enough to keep el from getting skewered and for joyce to close the gate. now el is trapped, max is being killed in front of her, and mike is monologuing down from the sky and making her cry. they are both being used to hurt el

el knows that mike hasn't loved her since the day they met, because she heard him say he wanted to send her back to pennhurst that first night. el knows that mike can live without her (if not happily), because he made it a whole year into her disappearance but less than a week into will's. el knows that mike's life didn't start the day he met her, because he tried to end it a few days later when she ran off and took any hope of finding will with her

it's not until mike calls el a superhero again that she realises exactly what's happening

el's reaction to mike saying he can't lose her looks like she's thinking the exact same thing. she knows something's wrong with mike, and she doesn't want to lose him either, because he was one of the first friends she ever made and she doesn't want him to disappear

mike starts parroting what brenner said about flying and moving mountains, and el looks angry. she looks at vecna, looming ominously over max, not lifting a finger to stop mike's supposedly good monologue. and then she's able to pull away from the vines

mike was a distraction. mike was keeping el from breaking away sooner and saving max and hawkins

this is what they meant by forced conformity killing the kids. mike didn't choose to conform to society's expectations of the nature of his relationship with el, he was forced into it. and max died because of it

max's plan didn't work. nancy's plan didn't work. el's plan didn't work. dustin's plan didn't work

joyce's plan did. joyce caught vecna off guard again. and it worked because she didn't tell the kids what she found out about hopper. mike had no clue what she was doing. he didn't know she was involved, and vecna distracted him before he could figure it out by himself

vecna screwed himself over. because despite all the posturing about being the superior specimen, vecna is not as smart as mike. that's why mike had to be free to find el. because mike is better than him. mike has foiled his evil plans over and over and over again. even now, when vecna's supposed to have total control, mike managed to warn el when he was only at 30% control against vecna's 70%, and he did it in a way where vecna doesn't even know she knows. vecna screwed himself over letting mike have even that much, because mike is better than him, whether he likes it or not

the gates opening -> mike urging el to wake up -> el reviving max

once again, mike is right in the middle of things that are happening because of vecna despite supposedly having nothing to do with it

the fact that he's crying is also a massive red flag. he's one of the most emotionally closed off characters on the show. he only cries when something's seriously wrong

he really is terrified of losing el, and he's spent the better part of the past week trying to figure out why he said something he didn't mean that pushed her into danger, and he just said a bunch more stuff he didn't mean, and she hasn't woken up yet, and if she never does it'll be his fault

two days later, mike is back to himself. the first thing he does is hug karen

karen: you are never going on vacation again, you hear me? in fact, you can forget about college. you are staying right here.

there’s more of mike being “here,” officially adding karen to the list of people who will probably be fighting for him in season 5

then we cut to jonathan and nancy

jonathan: this isn't an earthquake. i know. i know a lot more than you think. nancy: how? we've been trying to call you— jonathan: i know. i know, i'm sorry. we just couldn't risk contact. nancy: "we couldn't risk contact"? jonathan: hey, hey. i'll tell you everything, okay? i promise.

we know jonathan's very perceptive. jonathan sees things that people try to hide. jonathan's been with mike all week, jonathan's seen everything, and jonathan's hinting at having more answers than anyone would expect

i honestly think he has the best frame of reference for mike's normal behaviour. he's known him since he was five, he's older than him so has a better memory of certain points of his life (as illustrated by the toy up the nose story that will only vaguely remembered), and he didn't stop paying attention to him the second he stopped being cuter than his baby sister like the wheelers did

at the hospital, mike is in the same room as lucas for a grand total of ten seconds before lucas notices that something’s wrong with him

i can't for the life of me figure out what tipped him off. i have no idea what's going through his head or why he gives mike such a suspicious look, similar to el's from the pizza box glasses conversation. mike can't see lucas as he realises something’s wrong because it's during the hug, just like he couldn't see el before, which means that vecna can't see that they're onto him either

i'm confident that he was 100% mike at this point (with vecna still in his head, just dormant again), but the effect it's had on him is apparently still extremely noticeable to the people who know him very well

mike didn't seem to know that el brought max back to life. she didn't tell him, and she doesn't explain now either. he'll have to be in the dark on basically everything in season 5 for them to stand a chance, up until the point where they get him back properly, which is a major problem because mike is instrumental to figuring things out and making plans. hawkins literally fell apart without him

will looks concerned when he finds out how messy mike has gotten from nancy’s lighthearted jab about his bedroom. it seems like a lot of different people are collecting a lot of different pieces that they'll have to put their heads together to make sense of

when nancy talks to jonathan one on one again, they continue to hide what’s going on with mike behind the relationship drama. she says that she's glad jonathan was with mike first and will second, kind of as an afterthought, which is another hint towards jonathan knowing what's going on with mike

while they’re cleaning up the cabin, el not talking to mike goes from implicit to textual

will: did she… talk to you at all? mike: not much. i mean, a little bit.

this is exactly what jonathan was talking about. team hawkins was trying to call the byers, but they couldn't risk contact in case the government was listening. mike has been trying to call the byers, but they can't risk contact in case vecna is listening

i’m pretty sure this is what mike was going for in the first place. the idea of distancing himself from the group and el specifically. it’s exactly the kind of move he would pull, and it’s funny that they ended up going with what was originally mike’s plan because it’s just the best course of action. he came up with it days ahead of anyone else, based mostly on instinct and not the evidence that el and jonathan needed to collect over the week to figure it out

will: it's strange, knowing now who it was this whole time, but…

the camera is focused on mike as will says this. half of his face is in shadow, which conveys a sense of duplicity

we cut away for a second, but it comes back to mike for will to say that vecna won't stop until he's taken everything. vecna will likely try to completely take over mike's mind. possibly as a replacement body, because he knows they wouldn’t dare try the molotov cocktail trick when killing him means killing mike too. this matches up with what happened in season 2 and joyce's fear that will would cease to exist as the possession grew stronger

then the adults show up and mike gets an individual reunion with hopper, which kind of visually parallels the one with karen

hopper: you’ve grown. mike: yeah. you shrunk.

hopper’s comment puts him on the team of people who will be fighting to get mike back in season 5 too. staying “here” is connected to growth, and he’s happy to see that mike has grown, and he’s going to want him to keep doing that

mike’s part is more of the same of their dynamic from the start of season 3. mike is being annoying to show affection because hopper is one of the few adults he feels safe enough to act like an obnoxious teenager around. but hopper doesn’t get mad about it this time, he gets this fond smile on his face and initiates the hug. this is one more thing that mike’s been conditioned to think is bad about himself getting treated as good instead

hopper was vitally important to figuring out will’s possession. he was the first person joyce called and he’s the one who always figured out what will was saying when he found unconventional ways to communicate like through drawings or morse code. hopper’s probably going to do something similar for mike

[tmwcs]

My Roommates Ex - Chapter 2

Okay here we go, on to chapter 2 of MRE. I'm going to finish editing chapter 3 and try to post tonight, along with 1st chapter of Mermaids Tale.

Pairings: Heeseung and you.

Warnings: Use of intimidating, use of force, heartbreak, and breakups. Not a whole lot in here, this chapter doesn't have any smut but is still a good read. Lots of angst and fluff. Mending of the heart, and touching moments in this one.

Summary:

The blissful drive became ingrained in your memory as both parked and continued to admire the view of the wide-open field. You both spent hours talking and laughing as you watched the cows and horses grazing, carrying out funny noises as they moved around or plopped themselves on the ground, struggling to get back up. 

You didn’t want to ruin the moment, but you had to ask in order to figure out how to go about the situation concerning Vicky. You looked over at Heeseung, who was facing straight ahead looking rather pensive, his fingers massaging your hand.

“You don’t have to say it…but just know I’m only asking because I’m struggling to find a way to tell her. Can you tell me what happened between you and Vicky?” Your voice shook in mentioning her name.

Remembering the last look he gave to her the night of the party, you didn’t want to stir that type of anger within him, thus bringing that same expression to meet your face when it was just you and him inside his car.

But he didn’t give it to you.

He remained totally unchanged and calm, still facing forward looking at the view through the windshield, his fingers kept stroking the ins and outs of your baby skin hands, he lets out a streamed exhale through his nose.

“Vicky made her choice…a long time ago in fact. I just…didn’t want to deal with it anymore…not after seeing you for the first time.” His voice was almost delicate, he spoke with emotions of anger, sadness, and happiness.

“So you don’t think…she won’t mind if I told her?” You responded. Faintly turning his face, he looked at you, still massaging your hand.

You looked down at it and watched, feeling too embarrassed to face him straight on.

“It wouldn’t matter if she did.” He replied. You felt compelled to explain; you carried the weight of the conversation.

“I know…it’s just…if I am going to tell her, I just need to prepare myself in case I am the cause of….you know…if I ruin our friendship.”

As badly as you wanted to keep Heeseung, acknowledging the fact that you would be giving up your relations with Vicky and the girls, whom had been the most stable friends you’ve had.

Heeseung raised his eyebrow at you in a perplex countenance. He leans in, the hand that massaged yours suddenly stops and grips you tightly as he brings your hand in towards his lap. He pulls you by that hand to bring you closer and meet him half way in front of his face.

“You’re not the “cause” of anything. You’re a reason. In fact, you’re THE reason.” You lifted your face to look at him, feeling overwhelmed by his words of flattery, you asked him as you gave a soft chuckle.

“Reason for what?” Your mouth wasn’t the only feature on your face smiling, he could see one in your eyes, along with the joy and innocence of being unaware on how much you truly meant to him.

“…A lot…”

He stared at you intently. His gaze was expelling all levels of compassion and love, his eyes moved around your delicate face when he gave his answer. He continued to add on to it.

“ You’re the reason why people reach for the stars. The one thing that makes a person get up even after a hard fall…the reason why we all keep walking and don’t stop moving.”

He spoke in the most loving manner as he commits to his usual habit of gently moving the hair out of your face so he could appreciate the full spectrum of your reaction.

As ever, Heeseung’s ability to take notice in the slightest bit of sadness or discomfort was beyond reproach, but his ability to ease you in was even better.

“Listen…you don’t need to worry about anything. We don’t have to be in a rush to tell her, we can take our time and whenever you’re ready, I’ll be ready too. We can…keep this between us. If that’s what you want.”

The level of appreciation you felt as he displayed his understanding of this situation nearly brought you to tears. You slight nodded but before you could thank him in return, he added on;

“Although I’m not going to lie…I hate the idea of sneaking around just to get to you.” He chuckled as he made it aware that the affection he had for you was something he couldn’t wait to display in public. The thought of showing everyone that you belonged to him tickled his heart. Though he never would rush into it at the risk of making you uncomfortable.

“Thank you…and I think I would like to tell her…in a little while. I just want a few days to figure out how to do it.” He nodded in agreement, his finger tracing your jawline as you spoke and shyly looked down.

The both of you spent the entire peak of the early to mid-morning enjoying each other’s company, never even blinking an eye upon realizing how fast the time flew by. You both just stayed with one another and embrace the feeling of not having a care in the world.

You asked Heeseung to drop you off towards the back parking lot. You both coordinated a time to meet up at the same spot later in the afternoon once you both were able to get some rest and take care of homework assignments.

The lot was nearly empty, being it was Saturday, you suspect that many of your peers may have succumbed to a brutal hangover and are probably still dealing with the repercussions of a pounding headache. Heeseung walked with you to the back side-entrance of the building.

Before you could reach for the knob, he turned you around to face him as he gently pressed you up against the wall. One arm was hovered over your head, resting up against the flat surface while the other was placed on his hip, entrapping you for just a moment as he wasn’t going to let you go without a kiss.

The kiss seemed like it lasted for hours as he kept bringing you in to him. The hand on his hip moves up and cradles the back of your neck, pulling you in. Of all the times you had seen him with Vicky, you never once saw Heeseung with this level of infatuation or affection, the man could not keep his hands off you and you loved it.

Eventually you had to be the voice of reason, and put the riskiness of possibly being seen outside the entrance to an end. You reassured him that you would see him later, and with that he opens the door for you and lets you in, closing it ever so gently as you make your way up the stairs.

Entering the dorm, you were shocked to find Vicky still hadn’t arrived. The room was just as you left it earlier with Heeseung. After a long shower, you laid in bed preparing for a nap. Beginning to feel the effects of being awake since 4am, your eyes felt too tired to stay open any longer. You set your alarm and drift off.

You wake up a few hours later, feeling more refreshed. Noticing there was still no sign of Vicky, you figured she may have decided to remain out for the entire weekend. You get dressed and started working on your homework, getting prepared to see Heeseung after a short while.

Opting to keep it comfy casual, you dress yourself in leggings, a tank top, and a pullover hoodie over. Just as you were picking up your phone, about to text and see if he was awake, you hear the door slowly creeping open and watched Vicky enter the room.

Surprised to see you, she gently shuts the door and continues to stand and look at you. You’re not entirely sure why you both were speechless; however, you broke the ice as you greet her and apologize for not answering any of her calls or responding to her texts.

“I was so worried about you.” She disdainfully tells you while looking at you with a slight furrow between her brows. To which you nodded in guilt and admitted that you should have called.

“I’m sorry Vicky…I ended up having a rough night after I got back to the dorm.” You left your sentence short and vague, not wanting to breach the subject of Samuel.

It wasn’t because you were feeling hurt over the email, you’re well past that.

It was because you felt your heart shutter whenever you breached the topic of the event that took place that very same evening, inside your dorm. An event, that entailed the most passionate level of intimacy you’ve experienced, and it was with Heeseung. Oddly enough however, you still felt this urge to bring it up and speak with her seeing as how you both were alone, Gabe wasn’t around, and Heeseung was more than likely still asleep. You wanted to have that closure with her more than anything else, so you toppled over the idea on starting off by asking her about her current relationship with Gabe.

“…Vicky…are you and Gabe…?” You hesitated for a second, not entirely sure how to word the question. This was a lot harder than what you initially thought.

Vicky looked at you with a raised eyebrow, one that signified a hint of suspicion on how you thought of a question, regarding her and Gabe, when considering she didn’t say anything about her relationship with Heeseung ending.

“Gabe and I….I’m not sure to be honest, I’m still trying to figure that out. I haven’t had the chance to speak to Ethan yet.”

Your heart dropped at her mentioning that last bit, you started to tell yourself that it would be best to drop the conversation and leave it be for now. You had every intention of changing the subject, but Vicky continued the discussion before you could get a word out.

“Why do you ask?”

You continue to answer her. Though nothing was said yet, you started to narrow down a theory on what may have happened between Vicky, Gabe, and Heeseung.

“It’s….nothing I just…I saw how close you two were at the party last night and I…noticed Heeseung didn’t come to you.” She raised both brows in shock;

“How do you know Ethan’s birth name?”

“His friend, Jake, called him by that name at the party. I met him and his girlfriend Emily.”

“Oh. Did you talk to Ethan a bit?”

“Yeah…”

“Does he…let you call him by his birthname? He only allows certain friends to address him by that name. He wouldn’t even let me call him by it.” Vicky’s gaze started to drift down to the floor as she felt the pain in her own words and realizing that Heeseung gave you an advantage that she never got.

You also a stared onto the floor, nodding your head in a “oh is that right?” expression when hearing about Heeseung limiting everyone in knowing, and using his rightful name. You projected a question that you desperately needed to know the answer to. Even though she had made it clear with her plans in ending things with Heeseung, you got this feeling that she had a hard time letting him go, despite her truly feeling he wasn’t going to make her happy.

“Did…Heeseung not tell you why he ignored your calls and texts?” Vicky shook her head,

“No…he didn’t. Did he say anything to you?”

“No…”

“Oh….well, I was thinking about talking to him tomorrow, I’d figure I would stop by his frat house and s-“

Vicky was suddenly cutoff when the door abruptly opens, not a single knock was submitted prior to opening it. You watched as Gabe walks in. At least this time he had shut the door behind him, although, you weren’t entirely sure if that had sat well with you. This time it didn’t matter if it was considered rude, you had a problem being in a closed room with this man, even if Vicky was there with you.

“Vicky, are you ready?” Gabe was very curt with his words, he looked fed up, no doubt he was still feeling the shame and embarrassment from last night.

“No…sorry. I was just talking with Y/N and I hadn’t grabbed my stuff yet.” Vicky responded in a shallow tone.

“Well hurry up!” Gabe rushed her, giving her a swift push behind her back, and towards her closet, right before he turned to face you.

“So where’s your bulldog?” Gabe antagonizes you as he asks the ridiculous question. You knew what he meant but you wanted to throw his words back at his face by treating him as idiotic as the question itself.

]“Bulldog?…”

“Yeah, fucking Ethan. What the hell was his problem? And why are you instigating it?”

You were shocked at his accusation. “Instigating? Me?” you exaggerate your sarcasm as you point towards your chest and eyed him with a look of extreme annoyance.

“You know exactly what I mean Y/N, you always want to be a tease and flirt with me, but whenever I try to keep it friendly you somehow play a victim and always get someone like Ethan to beat other people up.” Gabe’s lengthy and rather fabricated response was entertaining.

Not sure if you were angry at this point or just in complete shock, you turned over towards Vicky who was watching the whole interaction with arms crossed, not even displaying a hint of interest in breaking off the displeasing conversation happening before her. You had desperately hoped that she would see right through him, realizing that he was spilling out a heinous lie in her presence, to paint himself as an entirely different type of man than what he really was.

But her lack of judgement regarding the conversation tells you that she didn’t see anything, apart from Gabe’s capabilities to shower her with his father’s inheritance. You took it as fair game and decided to take the gloves off.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that obvious lie. In fact, I’m done having any sort of interaction with you.” Upon harshly relaying your statement to him, you turned towards Vicky, he was still looking on the floor, rather dead inside. But it was her turn.

“Vicky…why are you with him? He’s no good. He doesn’t respect you or your friends. He’s been lowkey harassing me whenever you’re not around or looking, and I don’t think he would take care of you the way you think he would.” You said a mouthful, and you felt bad for being so blunt, but it was way past due.

Vicky didn’t say anything, instead she just looked at you. Unable to tell if she was giving you a look of disbelief or if it was just one reflecting her annoyance with what you had just said.

Gabe scoffed and turned his eyes away, looking offended as usual. He overexaggerated a look of disbelief as well, insinuating that he was incapable of committing heinous acts against you.

“Vicky…you’re a nice, kind, and beautiful girl. One of the prettier ones I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand why you limit yourself, when you have so much going for you.” You continued, trying to reach through to her by appealing to her as a friend, since your earlier statement was rather harsh.

Vicky just simply went back to eyeing the floor, only this time it was off the side as she stared into the abyss.

Gabe began getting impatient, he grabbed Vicky’s arm and ushered her to hurry up and grab her belongings. He snapped his head around to face you afterwards, exposing his gritted teeth in annoyance.

“And you…” He grabbed your wrist as he continued.

“I’ve been nothing but nice to you! I’ve always complimented and told nice things to all my friends about you. You’re selfish!”

You were amazed at how committed he was in playing out this act. You tried to break away from his grasp, but your movement in trying to get away propelled him to tighten his grip. He yells out at you for moving as you try to release yourself.

“Hey!” You look up, your eyes were met with Gabe’s mouth remaining open as he frowned heavily. You turned to look over to Vicky, she was starting to look nervous and seemed like she wanted to stop him before things escalated, but she was hesitant.

Just then, you hear the door open once more. Heeseung notices you in a wrist lock of Gabe’s grip. Not wasting any time, he walks in, leaving all gestures of formality out the window.

He was oddly calm. Not at all displaying the heated, short-fused aggression as he did in the past.

Instead, he walked over towards your side in a nonchalant manner, keeping steady eye contact with Gabe.

His hands were tucked in the pockets of his straight jeans, the white t shirt draping his upper body was deceiving as it made him appear slenderer, hindering anyone to see how he was truly built underneath, and his shaggy hair was yet again, crowned by his fitted baseball cap.

He showered a certain aura into the way he was conducting himself as he walks towards you, still eyeing Gabe.

He was setting the tone, making it aware that he has no reason to waste his energy in getting angry, and that he had the luxury to be this calm. Because he knew, now that he was there, Gabe wasn’t going to do anything.

Heeseung sensed the fear in Gabe, long before he stepped foot into the room. No matter how much the boy tried to put off an act, Heeseung could see it plain as day and he used it to his advantage.

You felt Gabe’s hand loosen around your wrist and he hastily releases, dropping his hand by his side. He was nervous at seeing Heeseung’s tall and lean body approaching closer towards him, appearing gigantic as he towered above him. Heeseung glared at him and retorted upon seeing Gabe release you.

“Smart move.” Heeseung simply relays to him with a very firm, steady, and slow tone while raising his eyebrow in a fierce manner.

Obviously taunting the man, knowing that not a moment too soon he would have felt the clash of Heeseung’s fist to his face. Fortunately, he was smart enough to release you in time, right before Heeseung planted himself next to you, facing his direction.

Heeseung briefly broke eye contact, turning his head off to the side, he looks down at your wrist, taking a minute to visually examine it for marks. His jet-black gaze drove along your hand, arm, and even up to your shoulders. With that same stern voice, he lets out a warning.

“I wouldn’t touch her ever again. In fact…” Turning his face back to Gabe, he stares directly into his eyes at the last bit of his sentence. “If I were you, I just wouldn’t go near her.” He finishes as he leans his head back, just enough to reveal the exposure of one of his eyes to peer from under the bill of his trusty hat.

Making a sharp, direct, and unbroken eye contact with a very nervous and quiet Gabe.

With the lift of his chin, as he projects his face to look up at the towering stature of Heeseung’s form, Gabe let out a loud gulp, trying to prevent the look of fear to show through upon hearing his warning. Vicky looked as if she saw a ghost. Her hand placed over her mouth in shock as she watches Heeseung plant himself next to you, still eyeing Gabe down with his usual glare. The urge for her to speak overtakes her better judgement as she spat her words out.

“Heeseung…what are you doing here?” He shot a look towards her; it was comparable to the one he gave last night at the party.

“Since when?” Heeseung’s words and tone was direct and very firm towards her.

“When did I ever say you could call me by that name?” His voice was semi hostile towards her, you somewhat felt a little sorry for Vicky as you witness her body legitimately winced back as she lowered her head in embarrassment.

“Sorry…Ethan. Y/N told me she calls you Heeseung so I thought…” Heeseung cuts her off with the shaking of his head as he shot a peeved look to her. That was enough for her to get the point. She went back to her originally question, apparently desperate to get the answer.

“So what are you doing here?” She still was avoiding all eye contact with him.

Looking at Vicky silently for a few seconds. He sets his sights on Gabe, his eyes shot a different type of stabbing glare than the one he gave to Vicky, it was more hostile.

“Saw Gabe’s car in the parking lot. Figured he’d be here with you, and that didn’t sit well with me. So I came up.” Heeseung remarked as his eyes shifted to the side to look at you before look back at Gabe. His lips began to snarl.

“Actually, Gabe anywhere near this building doesn’t sit well with me either…not one bit.” His voice reached a dangerous tone of low, like the growl of an angry lion.

Vicky looked up at his statement, waiting a moment to catch her breath before speaking.

“…I told you we’re good friends. We jus-“ Heeseung snapped his fingers at her and a simple “Quiet.” Emerged from his lips. You’ve never seen him so demeaning towards a woman before, let alone someone like Vicky. You couldn’t hide the sudden breath that escaped from your lips as the shock stung you.

Vicky was taken aback, the glossiness in her eyes overwhelmed her as you witness small drops trinkling down. Heeseung on the other hand, was relentless with his attitude, there was a sense he expelled out through his actions that Vicky had crossed the line.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with your brain, but you should already know that we’re done. In fact, we’ve been done for a long time.” He spoke out, his tone was a little softer this time.

Obviously referring to when he ghosted Vicky, literally days after he agreed to start driving her to classes, yet you also got this feeling that he was letting on a lot more regarding the untimely end of their relationship.

Vicky’s mouth shuttered wide as she heard Heeseung’s statement. She even muttered a “What?” as she looked at him, begging him to clarify. He started to get a look of annoyance as Vicky’s response triggered him to feel as though she read the words “FOOL” on his forehead.

“Vicky…I’ll give it to you, you’re beautiful. You’re like a firework. Any man would be lucky to have you by his side. Any good one would cherish you eternally.” Heeseung’s tone calmed down back to his original relaxed one.

Vicky displayed a look of shock with a very faint smile forming at the corners of her mouth, seemingly flattered by his choice of words in acknowledging her looks. You got a feeling that he may not have expressed many compliments during the time they’ve known each other, which was a lot longer than the time he knew you. Yet, ever since last night, he coated you with words of worship on the very ground you walked on.

Vicky’s smile started to grow bigger, that was until Heeseung took one look at Gabe. His follow-on statement ultimately crushes her.

“But the moment he finds out your priorities are messed up, and that you do messed up things, he’s going to take it all back and resent you.” Silence filled the room, there was a pause filled with deathly stares shared between Gabe, Vicky, and Heeseung.

Heeseung looked over to Gabe and gave him an expectant look, one that hinted that an answer, or an explanation was due to him. He turned his look back to Vicky once more.

“I’m curious now that we’re finally talking about it. Exactly, how long has it been going on Vik? Was it just him or were there others?”

Heeseung’s words and tone became snarky at the last bit. Vicky shot a daring gaze at him, insulted by his statement.

“Is that what you think? You think I slept with a bunch of men behind your back?” Vicky retorted.

“You tell me, I know of at least one.” Heeseung’s words flew right through her as he looked at Gabe when he spoke out.

Vicky’s eyes widened and grew tearful, no way of holding them back, they started drowning out her peachy tinted cheeks. Sobbing, remorsefully, she responds.

“…It’s only been one…sorry…” The “sorry” came out broken as her voice was hiccupping at the sobs of her sadness, the guilt overriding her conscious. The conversation between the two continued.

“When did you find out?”

“I’ve been finding out about it for a while.” Heeseung admitted openly, disclosing Vicky’s infidelity to the room. His voice was much softer and calmer, almost as if he too was feeling remorse.

“Why didn’t you say anything or come to me!” At Vicky’s urging for an answer, Heeseung looked at her rather pitifully. As if he did feel sorry for not telling her sooner, but he maintained the stance of his countenance to reflect that she is wrong, not him.

“Would it have changed anything? With you? Would it have changed you?” Vicky was at a loss for words. Unable to answer his question, she continued sobbing as she stared at the floor.

“I also know…that you had plans.” He let on, earning more surprised looks than what he probably was expecting.

“Like…being unhappy with me, wanting to leave this place…wanting to leave me.” Heeseung continues to disclose all of Vicky’s supposed secrets. He knew of her true feelings and what she had been shamefully doing with Gabe, yet this was the first time he confronted her on the matter.

“…I wouldn’t have done any of it! If you had been just more dedicated into-“ Vicky’s words were cut off by Heeseung, noting the color of his energy, Heeseung’s annoyance reached the peak of its level.

“Stop.” Heeseung simply said. Another dreadful silence continued to cast its mark on everyone before he clarified his interruption.

“I was dedicated.” Heeseungs tone going back to calm. Vicky shook her head in disagreement at his words, in which he responded with raised brows, wide eyes, and a shred of defensiveness as he explained.

“Oh yes, I was. I may not have been dedicated towards what you wanted, but I was dedicated. I was dedicated to you. Beautiful girl saying she loves me. That she wants to be with me. Why wouldn’t I be dedicated?”

Heeseung’s feelings were beginning to come out through his words. “So what then? What? Are you going to sit here and point fingers? Or are you going to continue to ignore me forever? You could of at least told me so I could hav-“ “Moved on?” Heeseung abruptly finished her sentence, continuously looking at her with his brows raised.

Vicky just stared wide eyed, feeling the guilt coming back and punching her gut as she realized that she was being selfish. As hard as it was to admit it, and that she had her reasons for acting this way, she knew she couldn’t keep going in that manner. You had deemed that enough had been said.

You walked and stood in front of Heeseung, next to Vicky. Consoling her by placing your hand on her shoulder and rubbing it, you looked directly into his eyes, also reflecting a look filled with sympathy and comfort. In your mind, they both deserved all the consolation you had to give. You personally didn’t find fault in either one, nor did you feel that one side topped over the other.

The voice of your father emerged from the back of your head; it was of him giving you one of his life lessons. You could hear the shadow of his voice as it grew clear and loud in your brain…

Flashback “Sweetpea…sweetpea where are you?” Your father finds you on the steps leading to the front door.

You sat there, hurt by the actions of your best friend, Denise. A massive event was taking and your school district was asked to nominate a student to sing the National Anthem at the opening of it. You secretly disclosed to Denise that you were going to audition after receiving the encouragement from your choir teacher, in which Denise responded by telling you that all remaining auditions were called off on short notice. Stating that due to her title as class president and working directly with the main staff and the teachers, her sources were valid. It was believable. You also would never have guessed that she would never lie and manipulate you away from a rare opportunity.

The next day you found out that not only did Denise lie about the auditions being called off, but that she went to one that same morning, and to your dismay, she won the nomination. You felt crushed and betrayed and immediately took a bus back home, knowing the school called your parents to notify them of your unexcused absence. Your father knew from all the times you were upset, your confining spot was sitting on the brick steps admiring your mother’s rose garden. After reassuring the school that he would take care of everything, he goes outside and sits right next to you.

“Come here my girl. Tell papa all your problems, now, what’s wrong?” You explained to your father of everything that had happened. He nodded and looked at you with a smile, noticing your tearful eyes and sulky attitude, he found it adorable and cherished it, even though he knew you were upset.

He was a father after all, everything you did was heartwarming to him, it didn’t matter if it was relating to anger, sadness, confusion, or joy. Just the fact that he gets to experience every aspect of you, made him as a father, develop a fondness for moments such as this one right now. He cherished every single one, no matter if it was good or bad. He always filled the setting with a smile of gratitude, enjoying it while he can, because he knew someday, he was going to have to say goodbye to it.

“You know Y/N…. life works mysteriously in strange ways. There are countless times where we think we have it all figured out, come to realize we don’t. We think we know what we want in life, yet we go on trying to find out the meaning of it.”

You remained in place as your hands cupped your cheeks out of frustration as you stared at your mother’s roses while listening to your fathers’ words, trying to find the sense in it.

“Sometimes…when we want to be happy…we go looking for it, sometimes going into the wrong places to find it. We as humans, we want to be happy. We want to be happy so much, that we end up hurting ourselves and our loved ones in the process.”

You were 15 at the time when your father gave you that lesson. As you grew; graduating high school, enrolling into college, moving into a dorm, making new friends, and most importantly, meeting Heeseung, you didn’t understand your father’s lesson until the night Samuel sent you the email. You understood it with Heeseung’s help and now, you understood clearly as you examined the situation between the group, to even include Gabe.

Looking at Heeseung, you silently mouthed the words “I love you” to him and gave him an endearing look as you continued to console Vicky while she sobbed. Heeseung softly smiled back. In a moment such as this one, he would give anything to pause time to savor it.

You hugged Vicky, gently cradling her face with your chest as you softly signaled Heeseung to stand firm, hinting that you were going to talk with Vicky. You turned to look at Gabe, who was displaying a look of frustration and embarrassment, you politely asked him to step out for a moment so that you could speak with Vicky, assuring him that she will meet with him afterwards. You appealed to him as a human being, even if he had been less than of an impeccable one.

He didn’t argue or display any form of objection, he couldn’t, not with Heeseung standing there. He simply nodded and walked out.

You walked Vicky to her bed, sitting right next to her. She couldn’t stop crying, it was tough for her but the moment she was next to you feeling the comfort of your arms around her shoulders, she spilled out a line of “I’m sorry” towards Heeseung.

You gently shushed her, trying to have her focus on catching her breath as the sobs were already shortening each one, let alone her repeatedly apologizing. Finally reaching a level of stability in her breathing and sobbing, Vicky spoke first.

“Are you…both together?” She looked down at her hands as she asked. You were beyond surprised at her question, you did good for the most part in maintaining your composure, but your eyes gave it away as they grew wide as you looked right back at her, your arm still wrapped around her shoulder in comfort.

Heeseung didn’t looked surprised, he looked as if he expected her to know. You were beginning to question yourself if he possibly told her before she came back to the dorm but found it highly unlikely since you were certain that he had no interaction with her until this very moment.

Heeseung merely stood there, facing the both of you as you sat on the edge of her bed. Just as you appealed to Gabe, Heeseung appealed to Vicky as he began to explain yourselves.

“If you’re mad…take it out on me, not her.” His eyes no longer looking at Vicky, instead he reflected a tired eye look as he stared at the floor beneath your feet.

“I just…why? I don’t understand. What happened with your boyfriend?” She turns to you as she mentioned Samuel, before facing back to Heeseung and proceeding.

“What happened to you? Just somebody…please explain this to me.”

You were at a loss for words, you didn’t know how to explain, there was no way she would understand unless she had been in your shoes and experienced every second of what you went through with Samuel. Heeseung took over the conversation.

“I never meant to hurt you. I’m not entirely sure if I caused you to do act the way that you did. I just knew that I wasn’t making you happy, therefore you made me unhappy.” Heeseung’s face almost looked expressionless, just a hint of tired was marked.

“Why…I really do love you I just…why couldn’t you just be more like…like…” she stopped at mid-sentence, realizing that was she was saying only proved Heeseung’s point.

“I can change a lot of things Vik, but there are some things you have to accept. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to hurt…and I don’t want to be hurt.” Heeseung concluded his side of the argument.

Vicky simply stared at his face as his eyes remained glued to the floor. She turns to you with her wide and swollen eyes, she asks you a question that you weren’t prepared to answer, especially given that you and Heeseung just established an intimate relationship last night. You both haven’t tread near the topic of your relationship and the details of it, you just knew in your heart that you cared deeply for him and that you didn’t want to be without him, but that was something you had kept to yourself. That was up until Vicky asked you,

“Y/N…do you love…do you love him?” You silently gulped.

Your eyes moved over to the window next to Vickys bed, then moved it back to look the other way towards her desk. With Heeseung standing in front of the both of you, he appeared to look just as interested in your answer as Vicky was. The spotlight was on you, having no idea how it ended up being that way considering this started off as a matter between Heeseung and Vicky.

With newfound bravery, you relayed your answer by softly biting your lower lip, subtly squinting your eyes shut and nodding in the affirmative. You heard Heeseung’s smirk as a breath of satisfaction escaped his lips. You slowly opened your eyes but didn’t have the courage to look at Vicky and felt too shy to look at Heeseung. It was your turn to stare at the floor.

Vicky turned her head and closed her eyes. You couldn’t tell if she looked hurt, tired even, or maybe both. You were prepared for a reaction that would include lashing out, screaming, crying, and insults flying at you.

Yet, none of that happened. Vicky simply turned back to you and took your hand; her tears were beginning to stream again as she looked at you with a rather hopeful look on her face.

“You know…I never meant to hurt him. Right?” You answered her question by nodding once more, you just couldn’t find your voice in this situation, all you could do was nod.

“But I did…I did hurt him.” Vicky let out a slight smile, not out of joy or sadness, it was a smile of relief.

“Take care of him. If anyone could, it’s you Y/N.” She says to you as she gently squeezed your hand. Vicky had her flaws, but her heart was not one of them. You always knew she was kind and understanding, maybe not towards herself, but with you, she never ceases to amaze with her warmth.

With your hand still in her grip, she smiles at you upon receiving your answer, giving you reassurance that she wasn’t mad or holding anything against you. She then turned to face Heeseung, gently releasing your hand after one last squeeze, and stood up to confront him.

“I already know you’ll be good. You always have been to me. And I’m sorry for not being better, my lack of judgment got the better of me. I never realized that what I wanted the most in life…I already had it. The thought of getting spoiled with a life of comfort, stability, and traveling, that all was so appealing, and I just got lost in it all. And I’m sorry. Because now I truly know…especially now that I know I’ve lost it for good…those things don’t matter compared to having you, Heeseung.”

She smiled, ignoring his snapping from earlier when he warded her from using his birth name.

She pulls him in by his neck and hugs him. It was the most compassionate one you had seen between the two, all the ones that she had with Gabe couldn’t compare. Even though you were grateful for how things were turning out, you were feeling saddened at the sight of her giving Heeseung a final embrace, it was only natural, they had history. The trophies they collected within the time they had known each other was way more than what you shared with Samuel. You could only imagine just how many laughs, tears, screams, and kisses her embrace was putting an end to.

Heeseung took both his hands out of his pockets, yet only one returned Vicky’s embrace as he wrapped it around her upper back, softly admitting a gentle rub as he shifted his gaze to various spots on the floor. He patted at her shoulder blade, hinting to her it was time to let him go, and she did.

[pannman]

Hey can you please do a two shot where Valentino instead of making Angel Dust get Charlie to leave the studio after she accidentally sets the set on fire, makes a 'deal' (read: Blackmail) with Charlie, he will allow Angel Dust to stay at the hotel but she will need to do Angel Dust's job in his place.

for anyone not aware this is part 2 here is a link to part 1

Once A Deal is Made part 2

CW: Angst, Mentions of Cannibalism, Violence, Mentions of Abuse

ok, this one is in Charlie's POV.

Despite growing up in Hell I was exposed to very little of it. I know I couldn't initially tell what was going on when I first stepped into that studio. I knew that Angel's line of work was run by that Valentino guy and that he was an overlord. But I had no idea what he was really like. And no idea what position I was about to put Angel in.

I got Angel hurt. It was all my fault. I should've listened to him. I had to make it up to him and get him away from that guy. I decided to talk to him myself. I overstepped before and although I was worried I was about to do it again at least now I knew what I was walking into and to be more careful. Angel's safety will be my number one concern I thought.

I didn't go in planning to make a deal with him. I didn't hide my desperation very well unfortunately. He told me it would just be for a couple of months and I could still run the hotel. I would just have to write lesson plans and have Vaggie implement them whenever I couldn't be there. What was I going to tell Vaggie? Knowing her she would come in like a knight in shining armor ready to slay him where he stands but if anything went wrong then Angel would pay the price.

I needed to talk to her myself first. I could talk her down. Besides It's only temporary. I'd just work on a plan to free Angel in the meantime. you know while I ran the hotel and... did Angels job... at the same time. Angel was visibly upset but bit his tongue since Valentino was still present.

"please don't tell anyone. Especially Vaggie. I need to talk to her myself. I'll be back late tonight" He agreed. At least I thought he did. I spent the day and into the night learning Angel's job and I don't know how he does it. I'm so exhausted. Valentino puts so much pressure on his workers and I don't know how Angel deals with all this stress. Breaks were practically non existent and the amount of coffee I had to drink to power through was probably enough to kill an ordinary human.

But I was getting ready to leave finally and thinking of just what to say to everyone when I got to the hotel. That's when I got a text from Vaggie. "Can we talk?" I texted her back "Can it wait till I get back to the hotel?" She responded "No" It DEFINATELY sounded like she knew. She continued. "Can you go somewhere private and call me?" I said yes and went into the bathroom and called her.

"Hey babe" there was nothing but care and concern in her voice. "How are you doing?" She asked. "I'm ok" I answered. "That was a very selfless thing you did" Vaggie didn't beat around the bush. "Angel told you?" I was surprised but it was good to hear her voice. "yes. He explained the situation to us" Vaggie sighed over the phone "Listen, where are you?" She asked. "In the bathroom" I replied. "good, stay there and don't come out until you hear 3 knocks. ok? no matter what else you hear." I was bit worried but I agreed.

I sat on the toilet hugging my legs while I heard a crash sound, then screaming, then gun shuts loud enough to vibrate the walls then screaming again. It was probably only minutes but it felt like hours before I distinctly heard 3 knocks and came out.

Vaggie was right there. Behind her was Alastor in some twisted demonic form feasting on someone's remains. Husk was there with a gun and Niffty was randomly stabbing bodies. "It took a bit to get up here but I'm here now" Vaggie said. But I had one worry. "Where's Angel?" Vaggie nodded "He's fine. He wanted to come but we insisted he stayed at the hotel and hold down the fort with Pentious" I was still worried. "What about Angel's deal?" Alastor chimed in. "Let's just say I was persuasive" He pulled the contract out of his coat. "I'd figured we'd let Angel do the honors of ripping it to shreds." I was at a loss for words. I hugged Vaggie and we left at once.

"How did you get Alastor to help?" I questioned. "you didn't make a deal with him did you?" Vaggie reassured me. "Of course not. His job is to protect the hotel and the hotel is nothing without you. But promise me one thing?" I was ready to do anything for her. "What's that?" Vaggie wrapped her arms around me like she was afraid I'd disappear. "That you'll never do anything like this again" I smiled in her embrace "deal"

[thornwolfy235]

WIP 1 - Kissing

I'm going to post a bunch of WIPs in a row now. maybe with a little feedback I'll get the gumption to finish one of them.

A bit of info on them first. I wrote all of these in an effort to deal with an exceptionally bad break-up (might as well call it a divorce, we lived together for 6 years). A lot of these are "how it should've gone" type stuff. I was never able to decide if they should be a full chapter by chapter "novel" or just a bunch of oneshots within the same universe and make a collection of them in order or whatever. Maybe I'll drop them to Ao3 as well. They are all xfem!Readers with my blorbos Grillby and Gaster (though most have no anatomy mentioned, so you can safely read no matter what gender you are). I'd appreciate a glance through if nothing else.

This first one is early-ish in a relationship with Grillby with a Reader who is nervous about kissing. Mostly fluffy with very mild spice.

Mondays had become your regular time to hang out with Grillby. With his pub closed until Tuesday afternoon and you out of work early, it meant those nights could be just for the two of you. You’d only been together about for a month and had yet to go out on a date in public, but spending the evening cuddling on his couch and watching movies, playing board games, or just talking was plenty nice. The casualness of it all was nice, too. After how devastatingly your previous relationship had ended, keeping things simple and relaxed where you felt no pressure to try to impress was a relief. Seeing your beau out of his crisp attire and in what you’d consider street clothes was a perk as well, a reminder to you that he was still just a normal person like you, and as such was happy to be with a normal person like, well, you. The best part was that he’d remove his glasses so you could see his eyes unobscured by the reflections of his flames. With his dislike of people being able to see his eyes, you considered it a true privilege that he felt comfortable enough to let you in like that.

Tonight, though, there was definitely something on the elemental’s mind. He seemed more than a little distracted, and you’d caught him more than once watching you from the corner of his eye instead of whatever was on the television. You were nervous to ask what he was thinking about, however, for some reason afraid of what his response might be. It didn’t make sense for you to be afraid, of course – nothing he had ever said or done should have made you think he might hurt you or put you in a situation you weren’t comfortable with – yet you were.

You felt him looking at you again and glanced over to find Grillby’s half-lidded eyes were indeed on you, a gentle smile playing on his lips. “I-is something wrong?” you asked quietly.

He shook his head, pausing the movie and turning to you fully. “No, sweet spark. In fact, everything is wonderful,” he answered, his soft, airy voice brushing over you. He took your hands in his, giving them a squeeze. “I’m very happy to be with you. I love you.”

Your nervousness eased. It was hard to be scared when he touched and spoke to you so sweetly. “I love you, too,” you said, leaning in for a kiss. His constant, radiant warmth and almost-solidness always made kissing him nice, if a little ethereal, like kissing the softest blanket imaginable fresh from the dryer.

Grillby lifted a hand to cup your cheek, thumb lightly running over your skin. “I’d very much like to kiss you more,” he murmured. His smile turned mischievous when you tilted your head curiously. “As in ‘make out,’ spark,” he clarified with a little chuckle.

“O-oh…” You looked down at your hands, anxiety returning.

“Hey,” he said gently, amusement turning to concern in just one word. “You know I won’t force you to if you don’t want to, right?”

You sighed, tightening your grip on his fingers.  “I know…it’s just…I don’t…I haven’t…” You groaned in frustration as the right words eluded you, turning away a little. “I don’t know where to start.”

His hand went from your cheek to your back, rubbing soft circles between your shoulders. “It’s okay. You can tell me as much or as little as you want to.”

You nodded. You wanted to curl up in his arms, hide against his chest and just pretend like nothing was wrong, but you knew he wouldn’t let you ignore whatever was upsetting you. Grillby had the annoying habit of wanting to help you through them. “It’s just…lingering baggage from my ex-fiancé. There’s a-a lot of it, you know?” The elemental’s orange flames dulled to a reddish hue and pulled in towards himself. Your stomach clenched. “I-I’m sorry, I never know what will set off memor–”

“Don’t apologize. I know you’re still working through it all. Will you tell me what happened?”

You chewed on your lower lip for a moment. “Well…I-I mean…maybe it was my fau–”

“Ahp! Don’t say that!” Grillby broke in sharply. “You know how good he was at twisting everything into your problem or your fault when it wasn’t.”

“R-right, right,” you stuttered. It might have seemed harsh, but this was something you had asked him to do to help keep you from spiraling back into your habits of self-deprecation. “I guess…the long and short of it is that, when making out, he always wanted to do open-mouthed kisses – like French kissing or whatever – while I don’t particularly like them. At first he was very understanding, and honestly I was willing to give them another try whenever he asked, but as time wore on, he started to get…mad at me. He said that, given how often we kept trying them, I should’ve figured them out, or gotten used to them, or just…put up with them to make him happy, even if they still made me uncomfortable.”

Red flames burned more intensely. “That was...” He paused, clearly hunting for a polite way to voice his frustration with your former fiancé. “…very unfair of him. Did he pressure you to keep trying them?”

“Not exactly? I wanted to keep trying, hoping that eventually I would figure them out, but when I still didn’t like them and would ask him to stop, that’s when he’d snap at me. He never forced me to keep going, but his comments made me feel just as bad. A-and later on –” You stopped yourself, not wanting to say last part out loud. You were afraid it would come across as whiny or jealous.

“What did he do?” Grillby prompted, voice carefully neutral though you could feel his radiant heat tick up slightly.

“He…e-even though he said he wouldn’t, he started comparing making out with me to making out with the person he cheated with and ended up leaving me for. H-he’d always apologize right away and say he wouldn’t do it again, only to just do it the next time he got back from spending the night with them. It was like he was proving to me that I was…broken somehow. They could do it and like it and apparently be amazing at it, so why couldn’t I? It made me feel s-so awful about myself every time he did it.”

“I’d imagine so.” He cupped your chin, lifting your head look up at him. “He shouldn’t have shamed you for having limits and boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with them. I would argue that it’s good to know your limits and stand by them.” He looked to the side with a scowl. “I cannot believe that he would compare you to someone else like that. Well, no, I can; I’m just always…amazed by how uncaring he could be.” He blew out an irritated puff of smoke (thoughtfully away from you) before softening again, leaning down to affectionately bump his forehead against yours. “There is nothing ‘broken’ about you for having likes and dislikes. We don’t have to do open-mouthed kissing if you don’t want to.”

“That’s just it. I do want to. I…I want to keep trying, I really do. There is something about them that’s nice, even if I can’t quite figure out what it is because I lose it too quickly. Th-that’s when they start to feel…wrong to me. I was…I am afraid that you would be offended if we started and then I asked you to stop,” you explained.

“Oh, sweet spark…I wouldn’t have been offended even if you hadn’t told me all of that. If you want to try them again, we can, but please don’t hesitate to tell me when you’ve had enough.” He smiled kindly at you, flames returning to their normal orange, though there was still concern in his golden-yellow eyes. “Is there something in particular that you don’t like about them?”

“I’m really not sure…I think part of the issue is that I don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to do during them. He’d tell me to just ‘go with it’ or ‘do what feels right,’ but that didn’t really explain anything. I don’t really get the point of them, either. People say you’re supposed to feel closer to the person you’re doing them with, but I just feel awkward. And…I guess…I-I don’t know…just…” You shrugged. “Tongues are weird?”

Grillby burst out laughing, yellow-tinged flames sending up a harmless cloud of sparks, and quickly pulled you into a hug before you could take offense to his reaction. “I’m sorry, spark. I’m not laughing at you. Your phrasing was just very, ah…”

“Blunt?”

“I was going to go with ‘unexpected,’ but ‘blunt’ is equally accurate,” he said, still chuckling. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe there’s an instruction manual for making out.”

“Oh, the internet has plenty of ideas, I just don’t understand any of them,” you told him with a tiny grin. You loved when you could make him laugh like that, big and loud and undeniably real. It made you feel special. Even Sans’ puns only got a snort at best (you had a hunch the poor barkeep had heard them all at least a dozen times).

He breathed out a long sigh as he got himself under control again. “So, we can try some open-mouthed kissing, but if you want to stop, I won’t take it personally, okay?” he said gently, surmising everything you told him. “Is there anything else I should know about? Any other likes or dislikes?”

You glanced away shyly. “I-I don’t know…What other things did you have in mind?”

“Well…” He paused for a second, tilting his head contemplatively. His lips quirked slightly, a sort of playfulness entering his voice. “How about nibbling or biting?”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “I, uh…I-I never really did much biting myself, b-but I do like being bitten. N-not hard enough to break skin, but getting bitten makes me feel…” You trailed off nervously.

“It’s alright to tell me, spark. I won’t make fun of you,” Grillby murmured, taking your hands to place a comforting kiss on the back of each of them.

You took a shaky breath. “Getting bitten makes me feel safe. I-I know that sounds strange. The best explanation I have is…It’s like I’m being shown that while you could make it a painful experience, you won’t. You have the desire to not hurt me along with the control to keep it gentle. It’s…reassuring.”

“That’s a beautiful sentiment,” he said, his sincerity surprising you. “I think why I like to bite fits nicely with your reason to like being bitten. You know how much trust means to me? Well, there’s a trust the receiver has to put in the giver. They must trust the giver to be good to them while they are vulnerable.” Flicks of blue wove through his flames as he intertwined his fingers with yours. “So if I wanted to bite your neck, you would first have to let yourself be vulnerable enough to allow me that close, and that isn’t something you would let me do unless you trusted me. I love that level of trust, and I would love nothing more than to reinforce it, to show you that your trust isn’t misplaced.”

You smiled shyly up at him. “And you reinforcing it by being gentle with me would make me feel even safer. I-I guess we do match up pretty well.”

“So, what do you think? Would you like to try making out with me?” Grillby asked softly, as gentle and understanding as ever.

You dropped your gaze, your nerves still getting the better of you. “Wh-what if I can’t? What if I mess up or let you down?”

He leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours. He waited until you met made eye contact again before speaking. “I think that’s him talking, spark.”

You sighed. You’d never had much self-confidence to begin with, but your ex had stomped out what little you’d had, making you constantly second and third guess everything. “Y-you’re probably right…”

He sat back again, gazing down at you thoughtfully. “I have an idea that might help you relax, if you’d like to try it, but it would involve being in my lap. Are you okay with that?”

Your cheeks warmed a little. “L-like sitting sideways o-or straddling you?”

“Straddling. It would be easier with you facing me.” You looked down at your still-intertwined fingers, teeth worrying your lip again. “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want. You can call it quits anytime, and you won’t be letting me down for doing so. I promise,” he assured you.

You nodded slowly. “Okay. Y-yeah, let’s try it.” You met his eyes again and smiled, even though you felt your lips trembling as you spoke.

He leaned in to give you a small, soft kiss. “Thank you. I promise I’ll take care of you,” he murmured, warm breath brushing over your lips. He let go of your hands so he could carefully guide you into place. You couldn’t stop the uncertain whimper that came out of you as you settled on his lap, legs spread to either side of his. “It’s alright. Just sit for a moment. Breathe. I have you,” he soothed, hands on your waist to keep you steady.

Your hands had a death-grip on his shoulders as you shook, staring unseeing at his chest. You swallowed around the lump in your throat. “I-I’m s-sor-ry,” you stuttered.

“It’s alright,” he repeated. “Take as much time as you need. Let me know when you’re ready or if you want out. I won’t do anything without your say-so.”

You managed a shaky nod, forcing your breathing to even out, timing it to Grillby’s rising and falling chest. True to his word, he just held you in place, thumbs rubbing circles against your sides as he waited. “O-okay…I’m okay,” you said at last. “What’s next?”

“May I take your glasses?” Nodding, you took them off and gave them to him. He deposited them on the side table before touching your cheek. “Thank you. Now, I need you to close your eyes and focus on me, okay? Don’t think about anything else. Just focus on my voice and my touch. Be here with me,” he said.

You took as steady of a breath as you could and did as he asked. His hands moved to behind your back and pulled you closer. He softly shushed the thin whine that came from the back of your throat as he used a hand to gently press your head to his shoulder and hold you there, the arm still around you keeping you flush against his chest. And then he began talking.

Grillby’s voice rumbled against your ear as he told you a story about that silly jukebox that still refused to work properly despite how many people tried to fix it. His fingers slowly ran up and down your back as he told you that while showing off with bar tricks was fun, he preferred just focusing on his patrons rather than tossing bottles. He softly pet your head as he told you about a cave in the Underground, one he didn’t visit often as it was a little too damp for his liking, that had hundreds of glittery crystals in the walls and ceiling, and how Monsters would pretend they were stars and would wish upon them. His hand stopped to rest on the back of your neck, warm and comforting, as he told you about a park he used to visit when Monsters first came to the Surface, just to help himself learn to exist around humans again, to remind himself that the War was long over and he was no longer Underground.

The longer he talked and tended to you, the more you relaxed against him. There was no pressure here, no judgment or demands. You let his careful touches and gentle warmth calm you, his smoky-sweet scent and soft voice soothe away your worries until your world was just him.

After a while, Grillby fell silent and a few moments later, you felt yourself being eased away from his chest to sit upright. You almost opened your eyes, but a soft “don’t” from him kept you from doing so. He ran his hands from your shoulders up your neck to your cheeks, cupping them gently, pulling you just a little closer, and you felt him kiss your forehead. Another followed, then one on your temple, your cheek, then forehead again. He repeated the process on the other side of your face, then placed a teasing one on the tip of your nose, making you giggle. Finally he pressed his lips to yours, and when he pulled back, you chased him, wanting more. The kisses that followed were soft and sweet. Though he held you close, a hand cradling the back of your head, he let you decide how long to hold them, how many you wanted at a time, and when you needed a moment to take a few calming breaths.

“I-I love you, Grillby. I love you s-so much,” you whimpered during a break, your emotions becoming unstable again. Your throat tightened like you were about to cry. You didn’t deserve someone who was this patient and kind and understanding, did you? He shouldn’t have to deal with the mess you were. He deserved someone more put together and confident like him. He should just –

“Look at me, sweet spark. I’m right here. You’re okay,” he cooed, derailing your disparaging thoughts and bringing you back to the moment. You squinted at first, finding him too bright to look at initially. His flames were a vibrant orange-yellow, and his eyes filled with as much tenderness as you’d ever seen. “I love you, too. I’m very proud of you. You’re doing so well.” He nuzzled your cheek before sitting back. You smiled shyly as his fingers brushed through your hair. “Would you like to keep going? Maybe try some open-mouthed kissing?”

“I-I don’t know what to do…” Your nerves returned, though not nearly as much as you had expected. Grillby’s careful attention had left you feeling far more relaxed and secure than you thought was possible for someone as anxious as you.

“That’s alright. We can play a little bit, try things out. It doesn’t have to go any further than that.”

A thought occurred to you. “I…It won’t hurt you, will it? I-I mean…humans have saliva, which is primarily water, a-and you’re…you know…”

He shook his head with an understanding smile. “There shouldn’t be enough to be harmful to me. But I promise to tell you if something is wrong as long as you promise to tell me if things become too much.”

“O-okay…deal.” You managed a shaky grin of your own.

Grillby kissed your forehead. “Would you like me to take the lead?”

“Y-yes, please,” you answered fast enough to make him chuckle.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. Close your eyes again for me.” It took you a moment to obey, still a little uncertain about the actual kissing. “You’re trembling,” he murmured, his hands running up and down your arms. “What are you worried about?”

“I…I’m still afraid of messing up or letting you down,” you admitted.

“You won’t. Do you know how I know that?” He lightly tapped your nose, making you squeak. “Because the only things I have asked of you are that you trust me and try, and you are. I didn’t ask for perfection, and I never will. I love you, and that includes everything that comes with who you are.”

“E-even when I’m sad or scared?”

“Well…alright. I don’t like when you’re scared, but I do like that you let me comfort you. I don’t like seeing you cry, but I do like that you let me dry your tears. I love that you feel safe enough with me to let yourself be fragile. I love seeing your smile when you feel better.” His hands cupped your cheeks as you did just that. “Yes, that one right there,” he added, laughing when you lightly pushed his shoulder, embarrassed by his teasing. He kissed your forehead, an arm going around your waist. “Would it be alright if I took a little control of you for this?” he asked, turning a little more serious.

You frowned. You wanted to say that he had been in control this whole time, but that wasn’t true. For the whole experience, he had asked before doing anything, waited for your confirmation, and you had no doubt that he would’ve respected any request to stop. Whatever he wanted, you knew it wouldn’t be anything that would hurt you, but that he was asking to take away some of your autonomy was a little unnerving just on principle. “Wh…what do you mean?”

“…I don’t know how to explain what I have in mind. May I show you?” You hesitated before nodding. The hand that was still on your cheek slid to behind your head. He wove his fingers into your hair and tightened his grip. It didn’t hurt, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to turn your head without meeting some resistance from his hold. The realization wasn’t as upsetting as you thought it would be. “Relax your neck and shoulders for me,” he requested, and you obeyed. He slowly, carefully, tilted your head from one side to the other, then back to expose your throat to him. “I want to be able to move you as I kiss you so I can find out what feels best for both of us. I won’t jerk you around or anything of the sort, just move you,” he said, tipping your head forward (you were surprised by the flicker of disappointment you felt that he hadn’t taken the opportunity to kiss your neck). “Is this okay?”

“Y-yeah,” you breathed.

Grillby pulled you closer, your arms automatically wrapping around his shoulders, pressing yourself against him.  You almost leaned in to initiate the first kiss, but your nerves held you back, still worried about failing him. He must have felt your uncertainty, because he placed a soft, chaste kiss to your forehead. “You are safe, my spark. Safe, and loved very dearly.”

“I-I know…I trust you,” you answered softly, sincere despite feeling out of your depth.

“I know you do.” You heard the smile in his voice. He kissed your lips just as gently once, twice, then a little harder, held for a little longer, and then back to soft. He repeated this several times, kissing you deeper and then backing off, gauging your reaction and adjusting for it. The attention and care led you deeper into security, so when you felt his lips part against yours, you responded by doing the same without a thought. You felt something different, hot and pliant, sweep across your lower lip. His tongue. You pulled back just a little at the realization, more out of surprise than anything else. He titled your head to nuzzle your cheek. “Too soon?”

“’M not sure,” you mumbled, your answer honest.

He tipped your head back and placed several kisses along your jaw, traveling down to your throat. You whimpered softly at the sensation, making him chuckle. “What you really want is for me give you some attention here, don’t you,” he purred against your neck. It was not a question.

You swallowed, caught between embarrassment and anticipation. “Y-yes…”

“I’ll give you what you want, but you have to do something for me first.”

Your arms tightened around his shoulders, anxious even if you knew he wouldn’t ask for anything crazy or let anything bad happen. “O-o-okay?”

“I want to tell yourself that you are worth this, that you deserve patience and kindness and love. Even if you don’t believe it yet, I want you to hear you say that you are enough simply by being you.”

A tear squeezed its way out from your shut eyelids. That was probably the hardest thing he could’ve asked of you, and he knew it. He knew how little you thought of yourself, how much self-loathing you held, how you believed you were nothing but a burden to him and those you loved, how you thought you hadn’t done enough to earn the things he did for you. So of course he would ask you to be kind to yourself.

[minniecostello]

The Third Month

Ruth returns to the island with her whole family

The third installment of That Time of the Month, and you can read part two here.

CW: CNC/dubcon, mention of blood (but it's not in a sexy context), breathplay/choking

July 16, 2019

Oh my God I'm in love with idiots. And my idiots are in love with an even bigger idiot. How did I let them talk me into this again?

Sweat runs down your back, and you're not sure if it's from the summer heat or what your girlfriends are planning on making you do tonight. Over a month since you revealed your biggest secret to your polycule, exactly a month since half of it decided they'd be belligerently suicidal. Now the third in your household decided to join the “fun”.

Four bikes glide close together out from the Arlington Cemetery Metro. It's too hot to ride all the way from the Mall to the island, so you cut yourselves some slack and take your bikes to the closest station before you ride through the small park on Columbia Island, moving past the late joggers on the Mt Vernon trail. It's hot enough that you sweat through your shirt, but it's the summer and you're gonna enjoy the bike ride whether you like it or not.

Mia and Alice are chatting excitedly about a book you haven't read yet, despite their prodding, something about zombie lesbians on the moon. Lari is uncharacteristically quiet on the ride; you glance back and see it's got a glazed look on its face, like it's remembering something pleasant. You're silent too, but your quiet is broody, not nostalgic.

As you lock up your bikes before getting on the footpath to Roosevelt Island, you try again. “Are you girls sure you wanna go do this? It's not too late to head back and let me go on my own.” Even you can hear the pleading tone in your voice. Hell, the families around you can hear it. You're getting a few glances, but not enough to unnerve you.

“Are you trying this shit again, Ruthy?” Lari, being a little goblin as usual, pulls out a surprisingly large bottle of lube from its fanny pack. Mia, Alice and you all hiss at it to put it away. “I've been looking forward to tonight all month.”

“Two months in a row, Mia says she had a good time.” Alice finishes unscrewing her front tire, always a bit paranoid about bike theft. “And she said you were easier to handle when you remembered her. I can only imagine having two people you remember would help.”

“But there's no way to predict it! What if I…what if she decides it's better to eat you, or turn you? I wouldn't be able to deal with it if any of you got hurt, let alone all three of you.”

“You haven't in two months though, sweety.” Mia put her hand on your shoulder, then pulled away and wiped your sweat onto her pants. July in DC is really muggy. “I'm not worried.”

“What if I bite you?”

“I've got wolfsbane, dried and in an infusion. Everything I found said that's the cure for lycanthropy, if we take it in time.” Alice, god bless her. Really leaning into the witchy shit.

“Guys, I know you think you're prepared, but… I'm not going to be me tonight. I wasn't last month either. The full moon is just… it's hard to explain.”

They all gather around you and embrace you and each other. These four people are your chosen family, and they've clearly chosen to stay with you no matter what. And they want to make sure your curse is one you don't have to bear alone. You just hope that you don't share the “Blessing” with them once the change happens.

***

The day after the last full moon was rough. You were still upset that Mia and Lari came with you, but even so you felt that it was you who had to apologize for hurting them. Mia was a little banged up, but Lari was barely able to walk, let alone ride its bike home.

When you woke up, the sun had just risen past the horizon. You were wrapped around it as the big spoon and Mia was curled just above your head. You shook them both awake in your customary post-transformation panic – this hit you even before your girlfriends decided to follow you – and were met with kisses, affirmations of love, and the little goblin bending over and implored you to “look at my gape, babe.” (You did not look at its gape.) It waddled after you and Mia as you crossed the foot path after you deemed it long enough after the rangers had opened the park for them to not suspect you.

When you got home, Alice was there waiting for you with a pot of coffee. You showered first, then Alice settled you in the comfy chair then sat on the arm rest as the other two sat on the couch, wearing towels. Alice started petting your cheek affectionately as you tried to relax into the domesticity of the moment. “How was it, girls?” she asked.

“Fuckin' amazing! You gotta come with next time.” Monilaria, excitable as ever.

Mia, calmer said, “Ruth was gentler with me this time. I think because she knew me. She even spoke more than a few words this time. Whole sentences, even.” She took a sip from her own cup and made a face; she never liked the way Alice made coffee, and the sheer familiarity of the moment helped to bring you back to yourself.

“What did I say?” you ask. “I know Lari got what it wanted, you seemed like you enjoyed yourself too, but did I say what I… what the wolf wanted?”

“She asked about pups, wanted to know why I wasn't pregnant. And why Lari wanted you even though it couldn't get pregnant.”

“Did you explain about birth control?”

“Didn't seem like the time. I told you – her – that sometimes it doesn't take the first time, and you… that is the wolf, seemed to take it at face value.”

“You really want to knock us up, baby?” Alice looked down at you, a small grin on her face. “Do you secretly have a breeding kink?”

“No, I don't. But the wolf must. I hope I don't hurt you if I see you again next month. Of course, I also don't want little were-babies.”

“And that's why you keep trying with me!” Everyone rolled their eyes at Lari.

“Will its ass satisfy her… the wolf for long?”

“No, she made sure to cum in me a few times after Lari had its fun. I think she wants to start a pack, and thinks it'll work with a human.”

“So that's why you shouldn't come next month! Don't risk making the wolf angry at you.”

“What if we try to explain birth control to you?”

“If wolf-me really wants to start a pack with you Mia, do you really think it'll be satisfied with that? What if it gets angry and turns you?”

“There are remedies, I think. I've been doing some research into werewolf folklore.”

“It will just keep trying to escalate. I don't think it's safe for you to come with me anymore.” No one took this seriously.

“What if we bring Alice next month, and say that you, it, should try with her if I don't work?”

“How long do you think that will keep it satisfied?”

“Long enough to come up with a better plan.” Alice was always so confident in her abilities to plan. It would be frustrating if she didn't prove herself right all the time.

“What if it decides I'm hungry next month? What if it decides to eat you instead of fucking you?”

“We'll bring a chicken. Like Angua from Discworld. Or you eat a really big meal before. Enough to fill up a huge wolf stomach.”

“You think they'll let you bring a chicken on the Metro, Mia?”

“Not a live one,” she suggests.

It was getting to be too much. You sighed and leaned back into the chair.

“You three are exhausted. You should go to sleep, I made the bed.” Alice was always so prepared. You looked at her lovingly and kissed her palm by way of thanks, and she scratched you under the chin. You were too tired to be aware of the doglike nature of how much you enjoyed that; you were never into puppy play before, even less so now.

She helped you off the chair, took off your robe and guided the three of you into the bedroom. Your head bumped into a hanging basket as you wove your way past the fern collection.

Bed. Thank every god there was for soft beds.

The four of you splurged when you moved in together five years ago and bought a huge bed – actually two medium beds side-by side with foam pads on top and a tight-fitting frame a friendly butch helped you build so that the two in the middle wouldn't fall in the cracks. It was big enough for all four of you to sleep side-by-side, with enough room for the cat to spread its full length out by your feet. You follow Mia under the covers, then Monilaria gets in after and wraps itself around you; Tito climbs on your hip and starts to purr and that's the last thing you remember before falling asleep.

***

The next month wasn't particularly busy. Tending bar, going to a few house shows with Lari, potlucks with Mia, and D&D games with Alice run by a mutual friend. You reveled in the mosh pits, made damn good vegan lasagna, and made a handful of key rolls to save the day with your elf wizard. It was a great summer, only ruined by the constant unspoken anxiety you were feeling about the next full moon. Every few days, you would notice some or all of the others whispering and get paranoid or try, unsuccessfully yet again, to convince them that they shouldn't come with you.

Alice was clearly preparing supplies for the “camping trip” as they insisted on calling it. The others were also preparing, but in less concrete ways. Lari was loud about its pelvic exercises, Mia started doing yoga and invited you to join her; you did, eventually, and it turned out to be almost better stress relief than the moshing.

It also affected your sex life. Monilaria refused to top you, saying it “wanted to keep in shape for the big girl.” Mia was especially tender with you, always making sure you were taken care of. Alice had been less enthusiastic than usual. She still clearly had a good time – you pride yourself on your oral skills – but she didn't domme you the same way. She seemed distracted; she used the cuffs more than ropes and had a hard time getting into character. Lari said it noticed the same thing, which was a relief to know it wasn't just you. She was distracted a lot during the day, and you had a hard time getting a real conversation out of her, but the other two were happy to fill the gaps.

Three weeks after the last full moon, you finally got some time with Alice. Lari and Mia were off at a party neither of you wanted to go to. You made tea for both of you and brought the pot out to the couch. Alice was reading a book, it looked like it was about herbal medicine. You poured her a cup and sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her.

“Alice what's wrong?” She tried to ignore you, just keep reading her book. You pulled your arm back and turned to her. “Alice, please talk to me. You've been distant.”

“I’m scared, Ruth.”

“I am too. You don't have to come to the island. You shouldn't.”

Her face twisted in frustration; clearly she wasn't talking about the immediate risks of the wolf. She took a minute before asking, “why were you turned?”

“Well, as far as I could tell, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“But why did they turn you, not just kill you?”

“Maybe it's harder to explain a body.”

She took your hand that was wrapped around her shoulders and started to massage it. It's not the depth of touch you had wanted, but it's enough to fill you with relief. “Maybe they just wanted to be cruel.” And there went any relief you had.

“I don't know if that's something that motivates the wolf.”

“I thought you don't have any memory from the full moon?”

“I don't remember any specific things from the night, but I still feel different the nights before. Angrier, I guess? I have a harder time keeping my temper in check, but I don't want to hurt people, just… to be in control.”

“Do you have any memories from the actual night, though?”

“I remember being hungry. Every month, the most distinct memory I have is hunger.”

“Anything else?”

“Well there's the satiation, sometimes. The times I woke up next to an animal carcass were always paired with the hunger coming to an end. And joy, like I had done something really good. A big favor for a stranger.”

“Mia said you mentioned a blessing.”

“Are you saying the wolf thinks it's blessing the damn deer?”

“We can always ask her.” This woman is going to drive you insane. She's too smart to be that stupid. “Don't give me that look, if we want to know something, that's the best way to find out.”

“What can we even do with the knowledge?”

“We can figure out what it wants, at least. Why you're so eager to bang any human nearby after you transform. What we can do to keep you from turning or eating us. Do you remember that satisfaction from the last two months? Did you get the needed relief from sex?” The satisfaction you woke up with for the last two months put the deer to shame. Like the best nights you spend with the whole ‘cule, but with added religious ecstasy. You couldn't look Alice in the eyes when you nod and say “yes” in a quiet voice. Her lip turned up into a sly smile; she makes that face when she knows exactly how good she made you feel. “Maybe that means we're going to be safe from it so long as we satisfy it.”

“The best way to keep the wolf from hurting you is for you to stay off the island,” you propose hopefully.

“You know none of us are willing to let you go through this alone. Besides,” you open your mouth to interrupt but she holds up her finger and you stop. “Besides, what if the first wolf turns up? Strength in numbers, Ruth.”

“Do you think that's likely?”

“If cruelty isn't a driving factor in the wolf's psyche, what is? Maybe your sire wants to, I dunno, bring you into their pack?”

“Do you really think that's a risk? I was bitten pretty far out in Virginia. Why would they be able to track me so far?”

“There's so much we don't know, Ruth. It was news that wifwolves existed,” you snorted a laugh at her insistence on the correct Ye Olde Gendere, “so maybe an older wolf has more, I don't know, awareness than a younger pup like you?” And that broke your smile.

Through a tight throat you ask, “do you think I'm going to change because of this? Beyond one night a month, I mean.”

“I don't know the answer, but I do know that I love you, that Mia and MoMo love you, and we're always going to be with you. Fuck, if we need to move to a forest somewhere to keep you comfortable, we will. This is a challenge we'll face together, and we have all agreed that it won't break us up.”

“But what if I'm not the woman you fell in love with?” You started choking a bit, your chest tightened. You hadn't ever thought the changes would seep into your “real” life, but now that the possibility was posed, it terrified you.

“People change and grow. We're going to change and grow with you, and if that means you're going to have a harem of sexy wifwolf babes, we'll do it.” You blew your nose into the tissue she handed you, and you looked up to see her on the verge of tears too. She pulled you into a hug and kissed you on the forehead.

She let you put your arm around her neck and pulled her in to kiss her. She's warm, and you could taste the salt of your tears mingling on your lips, but you were so relieved to know why she had been distant, to know that three other three were so deeply on your side, to have her in your arms again. You stayed wrapped together like that until Mia and Lari came in drunk and you had to carry them to bed. It was almost fun, the two of you tucking the others into bed like widdle babies. You loved seeing Alice smile at you like that.

You couldn't let anyone in your family be hurt. You swore to yourself you would make sure the wolf would never turn anyone else, and you decided to start looking into more sightings. Maybe Alice was onto something, so it would be a good idea to try and track down what started this whole clusterfuck.

***

The rest of the month went by, you almost lost track of time, but you felt a change come over your family three days before the full moon. A mix of excitement, anxiety, fear. The others started talking quietly again. You hoped it wasn't going to be like this forever. The day before, you had enough and told them. They looked at each other, clearly embarrassed, and promised to stop keeping secrets. You really hoped they were just getting anxious about the transformation, and you still held out hope that they'd reconsider. But then, you saw everyone's bags ready by the door when you got home from the bar early that morning. It was going to happen. The three people closest to you, your whole polycule, were going to spend another night with the Wolf. You sighed as you got ready for bed and climbed in to spoon Mia.

***

The evening before the moon has gotten almost routine. Hiding from the rangers, setting up your tracker and making sure everything is powered for the morning. Last month was unsettling, because of your very predictable panic about Mia and Lari, and the panic is back with force this time because Alice joined the party.

“It'll be fine,” Mia tried to reassure you. She’s already naked. Clearly not going anywhere. “You haven't hurt either of us–”

“Not counting the cuts still healing on your legs”

“We're going to be safe. We have food for you if you decide to get hungry, and we've got numbers. Now stop worrying. Go find a place for the shift, the sun's almost down.” She gives you a kiss on the cheek and swats your butt. Everyone's ready it seems. Your three girlfriends are all looking at you lovingly, the only clothing are Lari's collar and Alice's glasses. A lantern is hanging from a nearby tree, maybe so they can get to the supplies without fumbling in the dark.

The sun gets lower and you can feel the pull. You run, you don't want them to see the change. It's not pretty, you can tell by the pain, and there's nothing they could do to help you. So you go, you find another clearing, and collapse onto your hands and knees just as the Moon comes into view. It hurts only a bit at first, the way your veins feel pulled up to that pale white disk, but then you are overcome by the joy of being blessed by your mother.

Crack.

Snap.

Your bones are too big for your body.

Thicker than they were a moment ago, and slowly they grow longer, and soon they push through the weak pale flesh of the day. You feel it slide across your fur as your arms extend, as your legs break and bend and return to their lean, canine shape, paw pads growing out from toes, claws pushing aside nail beds.

You feel your tongue become too big for your mouth, pressed in on itself by flat teeth meant for grains clenched tightly against the changes wrought by the Moon. Your tongue relaxes as your jaw reaches out, it lolls out of your mouth as your teeth grow in size, in sharpness and in number. Your chest swells as your new lungs fill with sweet night air, and as the last bits of your day body evaporate on the breeze, you let out a howl. A month of waiting, and now you are free. Back on the island you are now thinking of as yours. You smell several choices for your prey, and…. there is the increasingly familiar scent of your mates. And now… a third. How large is your day self’s pack if more keep coming to serve you under the Moon?

You stalk towards the humans quietly in case the third is not, in fact, of your pack. Light in a clearing, they must be prepared. For what, you'll have to determine shortly. Circling the clearing, you ensure that no other humans are on the island, only those three in the clearing. Good. You can smell even from here that at least one has been anticipating your arrival with great desire.

You walk into the clearing, just outside their line of sight. Three make humans, one new to you. One is on the ground, the small pale one, Monilaria; it seems as though it is cleaning Mia between her dark legs. They prepare themselves to serve you so well. The third stands tall in front of Mia, holding her as she is cleaned. Paler than Monilaria, with hair that reminds you of the sea. You hear Mia whimper the word ‘Alice’ as her face is held close to the third’s breast.

You bark gently to get their attention, and all heads turn to you, even Monilaria moves so it can see you from between thighs. The teal haired one lets out a whistle, and walks carefully towards you. “Mia, you never said how beautiful she was.”

“What did you expect, Alice? It's still Ruth.” Mia stood up shakily from her kneeling position and followed ‘Alice’. Standing between the two of you, Mia introduced the new human: “Ruth, this is Alice. She's another one of our mates from the day. She was very excited to meet you.”

“How large is our pack that you can keep bringing more mates for me to enjoy?”

“Just us, sweetie,” Monilaria says as it joins the others. There's four of us, and we all wanted to meet you tonight, once we learned.”

“Had I kept it a secret that I was blessed by the Moon? Why did it take you so long to join me?” You drop to all fours and walk around Alice, sniffing her. Mia and Monilaria both move to let you examine her.

Mia answered, “You kept it secret for almost a year, Ruth.”

“I think you were afraid to hurt us,” Alice adds.

“There was nothing to fear, I must not truly understand the blessing when I'm under the sun. Perhaps I forget what gifts my mother gives me when it is full.” Alice smells of you and the other two, and the same strange skunk-like smell. Her body is soft, the patch of fur between her legs is a bright red, like the color of the rising sun; curious that the hair on her head is like the sea. “You smell ready, do you wish so badly to bear my pups?”

“I do want to know what it feels like, yes Ruth,” she says as she reaches out to touch your head. “Does your… does your mother want you to have puppies?”

“Yes, the Moon wants me to share its blessing as far as I can.” You rise to your full height on all four legs. Alice is just a bit taller than you. “If we can spread her blessing through litters, that is good. Otherwise,” you sit back and reach out a claw to stroke her face, “I can share the Moon's blessing with you all… directly.”

Fear turns the smell of their desire sour. None of them seem to want you to give them the blessing. Perhaps they don't understand, thinking that you will treat them like the deer, not that you will only make them wolves. No matter, you will have time to explain more. You promised yourself you would bless Mia after your first litter; you had best see how they were coming.

You walk towards Mia, the first of your daytime lovers to have seen you in your full glory. She smiles but it does not seem that it is meant entirely in innocence. You lick her face to greet her, then smell between her legs. Monilaria is not very good at cleaning it seems, as her thighs smell strongly of her desire. Unless it had been preparing her, not cleaning? Interesting.

What she does not smell of though, is pregnancy. You stand up on all fours again, she is almost exactly at eye level. “You are still not with pups. Is your body healthy? Did something happen to your womb?”

She reaches out to touch your snout. “It must not have worked last time either. With humans it often takes many, many tries to make a baby.” Then she returns month after month so you can keep trying. Such a devoted mate. You lick her face again, then rub your nose to hers.

“I am lucky to have a mate like you. Our pack will be so strong, once the first litter can hunt.”

You turn towards Monilaria, and Alice walks towards Mia and starts to pull on her hair, perhaps another grooming ritual. Monilaria looks up at you; even when standing on all four legs, it is still short enough for you to rest your head on it, which you do, as a greeting. It seems to enjoy that. “Did you come with child, Monilaria? You suggested it was possible last time.”

“No, Ruth baby, it didn't work. But that's not to say you shouldn't keep trying. I was waiting to see you like this again since you first knotted me.” It wraps its arms around your neck, barely touching each other. “We're gonna take such good care of you,” it whispers, then walks towards your rear, stroking your side as it walks. A hand strokes your scrotum, then starts to tease at the sheath around your cock. You harden beneath its grasp, your shaft pushing out into the warm night air.

“Are you so eager to be mounted?” you ask it, turning to see the other two walking towards you.

Alice responds for it instead: “We're so eager, Ruth. All of us.” Mia walks in front of you and kneels. Alice beckons and Monilaria follows. She stands behind the two kneeling humans, trying to look like she's in control. “These two have been talking the whole month about how good you were to them, I can't wait to see for myself what you can do.”

She strokes Monilaria’s head, and tells it to move forward. It crawls on its hands and knees beneath you and you feel a wet pressure on your cock. It is servicing you like it did last time, taking the shaft as Mia did. Its ministrations are pleasurable, but certainly not enough to make your knot swell. Alice then pulls on Mia's hair, pulled together like a tail, and she turns so she too is on her hands and knees, but facing away. “Would you like to take her, Ruth? Or do you want to let MoMo finish you first?” She moves closer and whispers loud enough to be heard by the girl beneath you, “I can make sure your knot in its mouth, make it keep its jaw wide open and its tongue wrapped around you while we wait for round two.”

“Does she wish to be taken?” Alice nods and gestures towards her.

“We're all here for you, love. But sometimes these two need… guidance in how best to serve someone. I help them, tell them what to do.”

“You think you are their master?” Your head turns. Your forepaw moves between your legs and you gently pull the small human, whimpering, off of your cock.

“I do, Ruth. They submit to me, because they are good little toys.”

“Your ideas are poisoned by living among humans,” you growl. “Every member of a pack is equal. All humans are as all humans. All wolves are as all wolves.” Monilaria is on its back, just in front of you. Mia turns her head so she can look. Alice looks concerned.

“Even if they ask to be treated like that?” You nod. Alice has such strange ideas. You must work to correct them. Why would a human choose to submit to another human? “And are all humans as all wolves?” she asks, timidly.

You shake your head. “No, for you are not yet beloved of the Moon. All humans are as all humans, and they are in service to all wolves. That is the way things ought to be.”

“But I thought you said the whole pack is equal?”

You step towards her, she steps back, but not half the distance you took in one stride. “Not you to me. You to them, yes. Any wolves to me, yes. But you are in this pack to serve the wolves.” You step forward again, she tries to step back but falls. You walk until you stand over her. “You are in the pack to serve me. You do not get to shift the tasks of serving the pack onto others. You must take your turn, Alice,” you snarl the last word. You scoop her up in your hand, wrapping both around her when you stand. She's taller than you on the ground, but when you stand on your hind legs she is only a little more than half your size. She squirms, but cannot escape your grasp. “You will carry my litter, just as Mia will. Let me remind you that she is not yours to command, but you are mine to do with as I wish.” You take the human and slowly push your tapered red flesh between her legs.

She starts to squeal, making noises that sound like “oh my god oh my god” which cuts off in a scream as she reaches the base of your shaft. There is less softness to her than to Mia, and so you can see her stomach stretch under the pressure of your penetration. Her forepaws grab yours, hoping for a moment to rest; she pants as you hold her perpendicular against you, her head falling back, sea-colored hair hanging like a wall of willow branches.

You stroke her belly along the outline of your cock, making her whimper again. You rumble out a laugh and ask her, “when have you last been used to serve our pack, little human?” She squeaks as you begin to move her slowly up an inch at a time, bringing her a few digit’s breath away before slowly pulling her back down towards you.

Mia comes to your side and puts a hand on your thigh; you glance down to see the girl, her eyes are wide, she cannot look away from the sight of the one who thought herself the master being punished for her boldness. “She and Lari slept together earlier this week, Ruth love. Alice let it top, but she held its leash. Lari likes to be a toy for the whole fam… for the whole pack.” As Mia told you more of the sexual dynamics of your pack, Alice’s whimpers turned to quick, concentrating breaths as you kept moving her along your shaft; your strokes grew longer but your pace remained slow and steady.

Monilaria walked to join Mia, but stood by the woman hanging off your cock. It put a hand on Alice's shoulder, which seemed to comfort the newest bitch. “Does she speak the truth, Monilaria? Do you desire the whole pack to treat you as a toy?” It nodded and began to stroke her hair. “And you, Mia, do you willingly submit to her?”

“We take turns. Alice always controls, Lari always submits, but we, that is you…you during the day and I take turns in either role.” How curious. It sounded so unlike you to choose to take orders from as frail a creature as you currently held impaled at you waist, but if the rest of your pack said it was so…

You pull Alice so she sits upright, her pillowy chest soft against your fur. She looks up at you, meeting your gaze for the first time since you hilted into her. “Do you understand that you come to this island to serve me?” She nods her head limply. “Do you understand the honor it is to serve a daughter of the Moon?” Her mouth hangs open, she gasps for air. “It means that no matter your desires during the day, tonight you are blessed for serving me. Other creatures are honored to be my prey, imagine how much greater it is that you have been chosen to bear my litter. Do you understand?” She nods. You wrap one arm around her to hold her in place and stroke her face gently with the pad of your thumb. “Do you think yourself worthy of receiving the Moon's blessing, Alice?” Her mouth moves, she tries to beg, ‘please.’ You put your thumb in her mouth and she begins to suck it. “I will be more generous than you truly deserve, Alice. I will breed you, I will tie my knot inside you, and then I will let you rest. You stepped out of line, but I see you now, I see contrition in your eyes. You will not pretend to be above your sisters in the pack again, will you?” Around your finger, she grunts “uh uh.”

Mia touches you again and says “that means she won't, Ruth.”

“Good girl, Alice. Despite this unpleasant first meeting, I can tell you will make a strong addition to the pack. Are you ready to receive the first blessing of the night, my new mate?” You take your thumb out of her mouth; there's a little blood on your claw, she must have pressed her tongue too hard against it. She gasps.

“Yes.”

You grasp her in both of your paws, sliding her all the way off your dick; it returns to sticking straight out in front of you and you let her rest on it as you walk towards a large tree. You feel the warm wet of her against the top, so much that it drips along the sides. Mia rushes to your side as you lift the pale bitch to the tip; she reaches out and slathers the clear goo Monilaria asks for before its breeding. Slick and hard, you can feel your knot will be ready to tie soon. Mia strokes you for a few moments before she rests a hand on Alice's chest, which seems to calm her. Alice nods, and then you lower her down to the base; you are careful that the bark does not hurt her unduly, she has learned her lesson. She will not overstep again. Your pack is strong and smart. Your harem is good and obedient.

The odd word floats into your mind, distracting you. The meaning is clear, multiple partners for one leader, but the idea is foreign to you. You're not sure why it came to you, but it seems accurate to your situation: you, the strong leader of a pack-to-be with three humans, gladly serving – and servicing – you. Perhaps it is an idea of hers, the human you are during the day.

You are brought out of your revelry by a tight squeeze around your penis. You had almost forgotten that you had a bitch you needed to break. Your hips begin to thrust, her hole tight and soft around you. Her whimpers are clearly no longer caused by pain but by pleasure. She rests her hands on your shoulders and pants in time with your thrusts. Lari joins you on your other side; it reaches up to hold Alice's hand as you rut into her. It places its other hand on her belly so it can feel you move, your member so much larger than the small humans’ bodies ever expected to take.

But take it they do. Willingly and joyfully, they take it.

Alice screams when she cums, you can feel her juices flow down your cock. The time is coming soon, you are getting ready to knot in her, to breed your third mate. She is so tight and warm, hot around you, she begs for you to continue, and you will; she will be unable to escape even if she wanted to. You push into her hard as your knot begins to swell, tying you in place inside her. Monilaria exclaims when it feels your knot inside her, it beckons Mia to feel too. The tuft of orange fur above Alice's entrance is so much further away from her body, your knot stretches her tight. You continue to thrust against her, tighter motions, as far as your bodies allow. Her screams are mixed agony and ecstasy, and you join her, howling to the moon as you release into her, filling her body with cum.

A new litter of pups, for sure.

You hold her against the tree for a minute more, then fall to your rump. She is still embedded on your knot, unable to separate from you. She pants desperately and then collapses to your chest.

“Thank you, Ruth” she whispers as she falls into sleep.

“Rest now, Alice. You'll be given more of me later,” you growl softly into her ear. She's already dead asleep when you say this, but it's as much to comfort Mia and Monilaria; they are clearly concerned for Alice. Perhaps they think you were too harsh? No matter, if they wish to challenge you they can try – and inevitably be put in their place.

They stand by you, the smell of lust coming from Mia, Monilaria clearly excited for the chance to mount – or be mounted. Alas, your knot is still swollen deep in Alice, and you cannot avail yourself of either of the other two. Although they can still serve you…

“To your knees, Mia” you bark. She looks briefly frightened, then drops to her knees in front of you. “Monilaria, show me how you take your pack-sister. Do not plant your litter in her, but I want to see what it looks like when you mate during the day.” The pale bitch looks at the kneeling one who nods to it. It takes hold of her shoulder and guides her face down so she is on all four paws, and then slowly they begin. She moans as the small bald tool pushes inside her, clearly it is skilled enough to make up for the lack of size. They begin to move together, Mia moaning as the wet slap of the aroused bottom against the hips of her top. You don't know for sure how long it will take for your knot to lessen, but you will have great entertainment while you wait, and you enjoy watching the pleasure on her face as Mia’s hole is kept ready for you. You know that you will be ready to make the next litter as soon as Alice is removed by what Mia starts to moan: “bless me.”

So they do know.

Holding Alice to your chest with one hand, you move to the rutting pair on the other three. “Do you understand what it means to share in the blessing of the Moon, my humans?”

Monilaria is panting as it fucks, its tongue lolling out like it's already a wolf. It is insensate and you doubt it heard your question, let alone understood. Mia, however, shakes her head no. As she places one hand between her legs and starts to breathe faster, she asks “tell me, Ruth.”

And so you do; you tell your one remaining coherent human of the love you feel from the Moon, of the need to share it, how that love is different for every animal. For deer, rabbits and other prey, they are blessed to sustain the Moon’s children. For wolves – your lesser cousins – that blessing comes as play or help in their hunt. For humans, there are choices. They can be prey, but that is the least blessing that can be given. The three around you have been chosen to receive the blessing of bearing your litters, and that you will give them each the Blessing as you have it after the first litter is born. You cannot tell if that excites her, as she cries out in pleasure as you speak to her.

Eventually, you can feel Alice's tightness weaken its grip around your womanhood. She groans as you lift her off your still-hard shaft and lay her down on the grass. Mia and Monilaria have kept you well entertained; changing positions, adjusting techniques, moving orifices while you spoke to them of the Moon’s blessing. When Alice is relieved of her duty, Monilaria is using its mouth to pleasure Mia's rear. The sweet-smelling hole that is Monilaria's ass is enticing, but you must first ensure the future of your pack. You pick up the small creature under its arms, eliciting a whimper of regret from Mia, which turns to a long, deep moan as you push your way into her. The light they brought for tonight makes for tremendous viewing; her dark skin is smooth and plump, you know any offspring you have with her will be beautiful, dark fur matching the flesh underneath. You enjoy the sonorous pleading from your mate as she begs you to fuck her senseless; it seems you've already fulfilled her wish, so now you've only to fulfill your duty with her. It is a great privilege for daughters of the sun to carry the litters of a daughter of the Moon, and a great pride for daughters of the Moon to take so many daughters of the sun into your mother's service. They will be blessed for this service, all three of them. You say this to them one more time then howl, full of lust.

Mia is insensate by the time your knot unties from her. A good breeding, it is a shame to end it, but there is always more to be done to honor your mother. Monilaria spent the last hour watching you stretch its sister's body, playing with its own cock, tiny as it is. You look to it, and ask “are you ready, my little toy?” It nods, awe clearly expressed on its face.

“Can I look at you while you fuck me, Ruth?” Monilaria asks in a pleading voice. You nod and it pulls its legs up revealing the single point of relief under the engorged cock. It pushes soft white clumps around the brown circle, using its fingers to push the melting “lube” into itself. “I'm ready, baby. I've been so excited to feel your – yesssssssss Ruth please”

You interrupt its speech by lining the pointed cock to your point of entry and sliding inside, so smooth you feel no resistance as you see the distortion of its belly made by your size. Monilaria is so small and seems so frail, but it clearly desires nothing more than to be filled by you, treated like a small rabbit for you to take out any frustrations, it is clearly far more durable than it seems. And you thank the Moon for giving you such an outlet. You howl again as you pound into the small human girl, its whimpers and tears no concern, for you know it is grateful to receive your blessing.

It grabs your chest, holding on tight to your fur. It screams as you distort the shape of its body with such ravenous desire. It begs you to stop, but you care not for its minor discomfort. It begs you to not stop, but you care not, for you never intended to stop. It thanks you as you feel its cock explode onto your belly. It does this twice before your knot swells, and twice more before you fill it with your own cum. It thanks you so gently when you finally extricate yourself from its ass. It kisses your nose and then falls asleep. Cum drips out of its hole. The small human is surely unable to bear a litter, but it so loves to try that you couldn't bear to deny it.

You have a good pack.

Mia is awake. She asks, “do you want to go again, my love?” You do. Your loins are still not empty; you can feel the pressure, barely reduced since the start of the night. You can tell the sun will rise soon, the air is getting lighter, so you must decide what to do with your remaining time. Another chance at a litter? Or more… recreation?

Alice is awake, too. She looks to Monilaria, seeing it sleeping peacefully. Mia joins her, and the two humans look at you. You are the leader of your pack, you are a powerful bitch who will sire powerful offspring.

You decide the night should end with recreation.

You drop to all four legs and stalk towards your mates. “There is time to knot once more. Which of you will be blessed a second time?” They look at each other, a silent conversation you do not understand. They share a kiss and Alice volunteers. Good. She has already learned her place.

She rolls as if for you to mount her from behind, but you stop her. “You suggested the use of your mouth, my mate. I wish to see how well that works. Come and let me knot one last time before my mother sets tonight.” She looks nervous, scared even, but she walks towards you. You stand over her and you feel the warm wetness of her mouth. You move forward, pushing deeper into her. “Help your sister,” you tell Mia. She walks over to her; you cannot tell exactly what the two girls do, but the mouth adjusts around you. You look to the side, and your see Mia’s legs and rear far enough away that you are sure it is the correct mouth on you.

And then you start to move.

Alice's throat is so tight, and it seems to try to resist your invasion, but to no avail. You move slowly at first, but gradually increase speed. Wet gagging comes from between your hind legs, and that seems to only add to your pleasure. She seemed so haughty at the start of the night, but now she knows that she serves you. She cannot deny that she is yours.

You keep your pace, her throat constructing around you, and it feels incredible. Mia is chanting calming sounds to your newest toy and you revel in the power you have over all three women. It is yours by right; you alone among your pack were blessed by the Moon, and taking your place above them is only natural. So you take your place deep in Alice's throat. It is luxurious.

And then your knot swells.

And she gags.

And you keep fucking your third bitch.

And you cum, flooding her throat. She will be so full.

You howl, and then you slump to your side, taking the girl with you. She can't leave you, you have her by the throat.

Mia tells you that Alice is breathing, that all is fine. Good, it would be such a waste to let her die like this.

Mia brings Monilaria to you, and it curls around you, inside your arms. Mia joins it, and you feel the warmth of their two bodies by your neck and the warmth of the third around your cock, struggling occasionally. It feels nice.

You fall asleep with your pack.

The Moon has given you a good night.

***

You wake up surrounded by your girls. It's warm. The bed is oddly hard and lumpy but you're too sleepy to care.

Except…

You wake with a start, startling Alice off of your soft dick and you shake the others awake.

The sun is up, time to get ready to pack up and hide.

Except, you're not alone. There's a pair of boots you see as you try to get to your feet.

“Well, well, well. I was wondering how you had kept your secret so long, living in that city. You was pretty smart, using the island. Too bad I knew how to find you, lil puppy dog.”

You're all awake now.

You slowly look up to the face of the ranger. She's tall. Very tall. Dark blonde hair cut short, well built – stacked, even – a wicked grin, and a tattoo of a wolf on her forearm.

“Glad to meet you in the daylight, Ruth. Looks like your secret got out, though.”

You recognize her voice.

You had only heard it once before, but you definitely recognize her voice.

You last heard it in rural Virginia last October.

From the mouth of the wolf that bit you.

[itslittlethoughtsblog]

What to say?

So was woken up this morning by the fire alarm test in my hotel, that was fun, it was quite loud, but I suppose they have to be, you know, for emergency situations and all that jazz.

I've not done much today was definitely a lot less stressful than yesterday. Haven't seen my 'friend' either, he's been too busy with Uni and coursework. He's got two lots of coursework to get finished by tonight. Spent most of my day in my hotel room watching Outer Banks s3... or trying to anyway, Wi-Fi isn't great here. I ended up getting bored and heading into the city center again, didn't get lost this time and didn't need google maps. Did a bit of shopping in Primark, spent money I don't really have but oh well, I needed a pick me up. I got these beautiful shoes, high tops converse type things, one side is pale yellow and the other side is pale purple, I see the price and I just had to get them. Not that I need any more shoes, or clothes for that matter. I've now realised after getting back to my hotel room that I'm going to have to go back to Primark before leaving and get another suitcase just so I can everything home.

On another note, there's a gut working on reception where I am staying and I'm not joking with you, he looks exactly like a young Will Smith, nice on the eyes. I think he might be a few years younger than me unless he just has a young face like I do. I'm always being questioned about my age and when I tell people I'm 27 they never believe me, even at work I have patients asking if I'm old enough to work at the hospital, I think that's going too far though considering you have to be 18 to work there. I know I definitely look older than 18 or at least 18.

I'm currently sitting in the restaurant/lobby area of the hotel just so I can get a good enough signal to post this. Last night it took over an hour to upload.

I never really know what to say about these things, my life isn't that interesting unless I get into my childhood, which I can write a whole book on, it would be a pretty dark book, but maybe I will get into it at some point. I know for sure those memories are the reason I even started this in the first place...it's just being able to get them from my head to the page, not only will it be hard for people to read but it sure as hell will be hard for me to write, I know I need to do something though before I go completely insane.

Anyways, be happy, and remember. It's okay not the be okay, everyone needs guidance sometimes. Speak up!

J:)

[lulupen2023]

My very first BellDom Fanfic 1/23

Hello, since I created this cover which I love I decided to post my very first BellDom even here, no matter if no one will read it

Summary:

Do you want to meet a Matthew who sees conspiracy everywhere (oh wait, this is not big news!) and is so fond of his trolley that he treat it like a sort of puppy? Do you want to meet a Dominic in love with… himself (and with Matt, too, of course!)? And do you want to meet a Chris who wants to prove to the world he's the most masculine guy ever… but is unavoidably attracted by every… female hobby? This is what you'll find in this story, among lots of BellDom and… craziness!

Setting: from December 2006 on.. Main Characters: Matt and Dom (poor Chris, always left in the background :( )

About the title , as you can notice, it's taken from the lyrics of 'Time is running out ' . Guess what band sings it? ;)

Disclaimer: the characters belong just and only to themselves. I just 'borrow ' them to play a little bit and make some fun of them, because no matter how much I adore, love, admire them etc, etc, it's just too bloody funny to try to make a parody of them all, 'exaggerating ' some of their attitudes.. And no matter how much Muse are wonderful, unattainable , unique.. etc, etc, I enjoy picturing them this way soooo much! Anyway, they will probably be pretty OOC sometimes , I warned you ! ;)

Plus, this wants to be just and only a fluffy and very, very, VERY surreal and absurd story, so don't take anything seriously, ok?

And, since it became an habit , by then, I don't mind about their real tour dates or places. I doubt that 'this ' American tour exists for real (maybe just as opening act that starts on Spring, but I 'm not sure about that ), anyway, I'll invent it all, ok? ;)

One last thing, very, VERY important : I guarantee that in real life I have nothing, really nothing against their girlfriends (since I wrote this stuff set in 2006-2007 there were their girlfriends, too ), quite the contrary, I ADORE them, they were such two nice pairings ! But in this story their girlfriends are not gonna be adorable at all, both Gaia and Jessica . That's because , since this is a Belldom-verse, it hurts me less if it's two unbearable versions of them who pay the price, instead the (real ) adorable versions, ok? :) So, sorry, a huge , majestic 'SORRY ' to both of the girls! I guess I'll keep repeating that ;)

Ok, let's go:

I: You lost, forfeit

"What lap was that? Number eight?" Dominic wonders, as he blows in his hands, pulling the collar of his coat closer and enjoying the warmth it gives to him.

"No, it was number nine. Now there's only one left for him to run. And I guess its better this way, poor Chris; I think that one more would probably kill him!" Matthew answers, as he stands outside with him, but, contrary to him, he just wears a pile sweater and he seems pretty comfy with that.

After all, Matt is getting accustomed to the place and the climate.

They wait for a couple more minutes, and finally they see from afar the robust figure of a very dead beat Chris as he cuts that imaginary finishing line.

"Ten! I succeeded, although I guess I've never run so much in my whole life!" he gasps, trying to catch his breath as he unbuttons his coat, all that running made him feel pretty hot. And then he bends over, with his hands on his knees and a grimace of pure pain on his face.

"Layabout, all this fuss? for a little running!" Matt makes fun of him.

"What? Maybe you haven't realized yet how big your house is. But I have, since I ran around it... ten times!" he complains.

"A forfeit is a forfeit!" Dominic states.

"Yes. And a little work out didn't ever do any damage!" Matthew adds, exchanging an understanding gaze with the blond.

"But... but... I'm lacking breath here!" the other protests.

"So? It's not as if we have a show to do tonight, is it? And even if we had, since I'm the one who sings, I need breath so much more than you do!" Matthew points out, fully aware that this is a subject that his friend is very touchy about.

"Hey, I'm a singer as well!" his interlocutor snaps.

"To make some chorus and some feeble second voice here and there is not real singing!" the other strikes back, enjoying the moment more and more.

"So, Dom, did you hear Bells? That's what he thinks of me!" Chris grumbles, turning to Dom and acting as if Matt wasn't there.

"Judge yourself lucky. At least he lets you sing..." Dominic sighs

gloomily.

"Listen, it's not my fault if you can't carry a tune! Don't you remember what a disaster 'Blackout' was when you were in the chorus? We had to take you off that to make it work. It's already too much that I let you sing the 'pa ra pa ra ' part whenever we play the cover of 'Can't take my eyes off of you ' , but lucky I always manage to cover you with my guitar!" Matthew replies.

Chris and Dominic look at each other, puzzled and astonished.

"It's so damn true that Christmas atmosphere makes everyone nicer." Dominic comments sarcastically, glaring at Matthew.

"It seems that Christmas time has no effect on him... or rather it's just the opposite one!" Chris adds, glaring at Matthew the same way.

"Maybe. Anyway, Chris, it could be even worse than that, couldn't it? I could have made you swim in my lake, too, after all. And, please, notice: its winter, so it doesn't sound like something pleasant, and certainly it doesn't sound very healthy!" Matt strikes back.

"For the last time, Matt, it IS NOT your lake!" Dominic rolls his eyes, exasperated.

"Well, it's almost as if it was!" the other shrugs.

"Let me remind you that you have to share it with a certain Mr. Clooney!" the blond insists.

"Uff, don't remind me of that unbearable big-headed Mr. Hollywood who has nothing better to do than hanging around with his unattainable yacht with plenty of beautiful girls! I hope he chokes from all the Martini he drinks!" the brunette snaps, annoyed.

"C'mon, Matt, you have a beautiful girl, too!" Chris comforts him, as he wonders why he's doing that, after what Matthew said to him.

"Yes, but he got more than one! Plus, I haven't got an unattainable yacht. Correction: I haven't any kind of yacht!" the other protests.

"Sometimes you can't get what you want... "Chris starts, but Matt

doesn't seem to even listen to him, absorbed as he is in his absurd machinations.

"Phew, I should have asked the whole staff if, after making the video of ˜Starlight ˜, I could keep that ship.. as a souvenir!" he thinks out loud, caressing his chin.

"Yeah, yeah, Matt, they would surely let you keep that. After all, I kept the rocket launcher, it seems an equal request to me!" Dominic comments with his previous sarcasm.

"What about coming inside? I'd rather not get pneumonia..." Chris changes topic and then he turns towards Matthew.

"Although I guess there's a certain someone who wouldn't care so much, since I'm kinda replaceable!" he adds, pretty insulted.

Matt's only answer is to burst out laughing.

"Oh, c'mon, big guy! After all these years together, are you not able yet to realize when I'm just kidding?" he pats his shoulder friendlily, as they walk towards the house entrance.

Dom gets closer, looking at him hopefully.

"Were you just kidding, even about me?" he dares to ask.

"Gee, Dom , no. I was extremely serious with you. I'm sorry, my friend, but you're a hopeless case. You have to accept that you can't sing!" Matt informs him, patting his shoulder, too, but unlike before, those pats are just to comfort him.

They come back in the big dining room of the house, sitting again around the table, as Dominic doesn't waste any time by shuffling the cards for a new poker hand.

The three guys are enjoying a more than deserved break, after the end of the European tour, to recharge the batteries before starting the American one.

And as the break coincides with the Christmas Holidays, Matthew decided to invite them all to his villa, at Como, with all their sweethearts, too, of course.

Their women had dedicated that afternoon to the most frantic shopping, maybe also in order to find the last minute gifts, and Como certainly doesn't lack stores.

So, the guys have taken advantage of that to enjoy themselves with a nice game of poker , but to change rules a little bit and turn it into something more careless and somehow also more childish , instead of using money, they decided to pay their debts by forfeit. And the winner gets to choose the forfeit.

So in the first poker hand Matthew won and poor Chris had to pay the consequences!

"My revenge will be implacable!" Chris swears as he picks up his cards.

" You'd better give it up. You know, the Goddess of Fortune doesn't like you very much." Matthew teases him, as he picks up his.

"She could change her mind, perhaps.. " the other strikes back, and then a concentrated silence falls.

Chris can't almost believe it when he discovers even the fifth card. Maybe, in his hand, in that messy way, those cards don't seem to make much sense, but it's enough to display them in the right order and.. hell yeah they make sense! A lot of sense.

Anyway, he doesn't make his friends figure out anything.

Dominic is not happy with his cards, so wisely he decides to fold.

Instead, between Matthew and Chris the challenge is still open, as they both try to fool each other with their gazes.

He's just bluffing, I know he is doing... he can't have a better poker hand than mine! Matt thinks, deciding that it's time to 'call '.

"I dare you to overcome this!" he teases him with overconfidence and boldness, showing a Full House, made by three Aces and two Queens.

Chris pretends to be fearful, and then he bursts out laughing.

"I do dare to overcome that!" he exclaims, showing with a winning grin a Royal Flush, nonetheless.

It seems that the only ace Matt missed to have a 4-of-a-kind helped damage him in the worst way ever.

"You lost: forfeit! " Chris declares, with an evil laugh , as he searches for the best revenge ever.

"You must.. Uhmm.. you must.. " he mumbles, until he's enlightened by a sudden idea that is a bit hazardous , but diabolically brilliant. "You must kiss Dom!"

"WHAT?" is the answer he gets from the other two, in unison, as they both are more than puzzled and shocked.

"You heard me right!" Chris confirms.

"Hey, it's Bells who has to do forfeit. Why are you involving me, too?" Dominic protests.

"I'm involving you, because it was you who suggested him to make me run around this bloody villa!" Chris points out.

"But it's him who accepted it!" the blond protests.

"I don't care, you're gonna pay hard for that, both of you!" the other threats them.

"Well, it's not such a revenge for me. I mean, c'mon, it's only a kiss, nothing big, I'm gonna please you right now.. " Matthew comments, approaching to Dom who glares at him with the biggest diffidence ever, almost tempted to back off.

The hell with 'I'm gonna please you right now ' ! What is he going to do? NO way I...

Something stops the blond 's thoughts. It's Matt who, with a catlike leap, has managed to catch him and then he hugs him, giving him.. just a noisy kiss on his cheek.

"It's done. Now we can resume playing!" the brunette states, trying to come back to the table, but Chris prevents him from doing that, standing in front of him.

"Where do you think you are going? Don't even try, Bells, you know better than me what kind of kiss I expect from you two!" Chris warns him, with a tone you can't show any remonstration to.

"Oh, c'mon, Chris, forget it! I mean.. do you want to punish us? Ok, find another way.. I don't know.. make us swear we won't drink a single glass or wine for a whole month .. " Matthew suggests, but immediately after Dom and he stare at each other in deep disbelief. "Oh, bugger what I've just said! Let's just fucking kiss and get that over with!" he decides, but also the blond seems resolute as well.

They begin getting closer to each other, but, although it takes them only a few seconds, it seems to last for hours.

-C'mon, Matt , it could be worse... at least you're not kissing the unbearable Clooney!- the guy comforts himself, as he gets closer and closer, closing his eyes.

-C'mon, Dom, you've been through something worse, just like when Matt threw his guitar on your head, at the end of a show . No, on second thought, it was better than this.. or maybe not?- the other thinks, closing his eyes as his friend does.

And when their mouths finally meet, after an initial wavering, something unexpected switches on.

The blond makes his hands run through Matt's hair, the same hair that had turned almost every colour, year after year. And Dom must admit to himself that there was never a colour that he thought didn't suited him. Not even a very absurd, weird blond he had kept for a while.

Because Matthew and eccentricity go hand in hand.

His style is eccentric, sometimes his attitude is eccentric, the kiss they are sharing is eccentric, the fact that it is not over yet is eccentric, and mostly what Matt is doing to him is eccentric.

Yes, because the brunette is caressing his face slowly, with both of his hands, almost as if he wanted to memorize his features, as if he was about to create the most wonderful symphony in the world and to do that he desperately needed every of those notes.

And as their kiss starts turning into something more passionate, it takes just a few seconds for them both to give out something that almost seems to be a moan.

"Ok, it's enough, guys!" Chris stops them.

Matt and Dom feel as if they've just waken up from a dream, brought harshly back to reality.

They stare at each other, puzzled and shocked, trying to read in each other's gaze what they felt, but they fear to find that out at the same time.

"And to think that.. it was supposed to be a forfeit!" Chris comments, stunned.

"And it was for real. It's just that.. I was thinking about Gaia!" Matthew justifies.

"Right. And I was thinking about Jessica!" Dominic justifies.

Maybe, Chris is even more confused than them, because he keeps wondering in his mind why, after seeing them, he has the odd sensation that his jeans turned a little bit tighter, out of the blue.

-Of course, it's just because I was thinking about Kelly..- he tries to convince himself.

A deep, awkward silence falls and lasts for several minutes.

It's Matthew the one who breaks that, saying something that mirrors all the three guys' thoughts.

"We should better resume playing with money, shouldn't we? "

TBC

[elvisabutler]

you're just too good to be true

summary: after a hard day for both you and your sugar daddy, a little praise on both your ends is needed. rating: m, but a very soft m. pairing: austin butler ( sugar daddy variation ) x f reader word count: 1076. warnings: fingering. sugar daddy and sugar baby dynamic. talk about exhaustion. minor elements of controlling behavior but not quite? faintly implied age difference but can be read differently? i think that might be it? author's note: so welcome to my double dip for day five: praise kink with sugar daddy austin. trust me when i say i did not intend for this to be as soft as it is. but something just possessed me to do this. probably the realization that i'm writing degradation with austin elvis tomorrow. that might have done it. much like sub austin, i really really love the idea of sugar daddy austin mostly because i have made the joke that he was vanessa's sugar baby for quite a long time. so low key if anyone wants to request something about that, by all means, do. i'll enjoy writing the shit out of it and will become the sugar daddy austin go to gal. ( because trust me, i have THOTS on the matter. ) also this is kind of a birthday present for @dreamersparacosm for turning 22 because i saw her post it and went SO SDE OR SDA? she chose sda.

"Baby?" Austin's voice is muffled by the water filling your ears as you slide lower into the tub to rinse the soap off from your hair. It had been a long day for both of you. You had known there was some ceremony or gala or whatever it was that you had to attend but you had also gone to your job to finish up some last minute work. Austin kept telling you that you could quit, that it was his job as your sugar daddy to take care of you but you refused out of stubbornness and wanting to be something other than just Austin Butler's arm candy. One day he might get through to you but today your stubbornness led to a bone tired exhaustion that left you with almost know energy especially after having to charm all the Hollywood types at this gala.

"In here." You say quietly knowing that Austin couldn't be that far away, after all you had told him to come follow you if he wanted to talk. Your eyes flutter open as you hear what you think is the door opening to reveal Austin in his pajama pants and no shirt. As much you enjoyed him in a full suit like tonight- this look was something else. This look reminded you of why you accepted his offer of being your sugar daddy over a dozen other offers you've had since you turned 18 several years ago.

He waits to speak until your head moves up from the water, your hair sticking to your head and the bubbles around you making space for your body. His knees hit the floor with a small thump as he places a kiss on your forehead before kissing your lips gently, pulling away with a slight bite. "How're you feeling?"

You hum quietly, your eyes fluttering shut just tad. "Tired. Should have taken a nap in the car."

Austin chuckles, his hand playing on the surface of the water, grabbing a bit of bubbles and putting them on your chest. "You shouldn't have gone to work is what you should have done." It's an admonishment, you can hear the shift in his tone but you're so exhausted you honestly can't bring yourself to care beyond a shrug.

"I kept my tongue in check, though. You should have heard some of the stuff I did, Aus. They think just because you pay me to hang around you that I'm their person to just spew things to." You try and defend yourself as you start to slink down into the water, trying to have the warmth permeate your aching shoulders and neck. You could ask Austin to rub them but you know sometimes that leads down a dangerous path. In your attempts to move down into the tub you don't notice Austin's hand moving toward your lower half until you feel his fingers tracing your lips.

"Open those pretty eyes and look at me, baby." Austin murmurs, humming as he slides one finger inside of you, inhaling at the same time you do at the sensation.

You do as your told, eyeing him through the bubbles because damn if you are going to move out of a spot you found that was comfortable and allowed you to soak your muscles. "What are you doing?"

"Giving my sweet exhausted sugar some attention." He answers like he's not starting to curl his finger just so in a way that has you jostling the water.

"Aus-" You start before he shakes his head.

"No. My good girl deserves to relax. You've been working so hard for your sugar daddy and at your job. You could have told either one of us to shove it today. Could have given yourself the day or the night off but you didn't. You answered questions like a champ. You charmed the pants off some of my future costars and some directors. If you had seen yourself, baby."

A whimper escapes your lips at the praise, you hadn't fully told Austin just how much of a praise kink you had, concerned he might take advantage of it like some of your exes had but here he was reading you like a book, like he always did and you couldn't help but revel in it.

He adds another finger to your cunt, pushing them in and out in a slow rhythm that he matches with his thumb against your clit. You want to tell him to stop- tell him that you don't need to have him do this but you find that your mouth doesn't seem to work, that you can't find the words to tell him to stop because it feels so right.

"You're always so good to me. So good to everyone. So gorgeous, so enrapturing and inspiring. You light up my life like you light up every room you walk into. Such a smart girl, such a pretty girl, such a perfect girl. Are you going to come like this? Come with just the words I'm saying, baby girl? I'd appreciate it if you did. I'd give you even more of a reward if you did. You deserve it tonight. You deserve everything tonight. You've earned your sugar baby title tonight."

That does it for you, you don't know if it's because you swear you've been turned on since you saw Austin in his suit or when you saw him flex his jaw when one of the people you were talking to were too close for his comfort but you find yourself coming softly, your toes curling as you lock eyes with Austin and watch his eyes darken as he sees your mouth open in an "o" and sees you shudder just slightly. He pulls fingers out of you and above the water, putting them to his mouth and licking them clean before rubbing them on his pants.

He stands up, but not before pulling the stopper for the drain of the tub and grabbing a towel from the hook above the door. His arm moves to grab you and he pulls you up before wrapping the towel around you. A moment passes as he lets himself dry you off gently, making sure to take extra care with parts he knows you hate being wet. When he's satisfied he wraps you in another towel and picks you up before opening the bathroom door and carrying you to the bed.

You eventually sleep that night.

[zorosq]

midnight calls ; various

↻ pairing ↬ platonic!rayleigh x sabo x ace x zoro x gn!reader! (seperately)

↻ fluff, grammatical mistakes, familial relationship with rayleigh, mention of death (once), modern au and canon au

@saku-changgg asked: Helloooo! How are you? I hope you're not having a bad day (if you are I hope you feel better fast 🥺🤗🥰). This is my first time asking for a request lol and I'm kind of shy 👉👈 I just saw your other post about wanting to write about Rayleigh, Ace, and Sabo, are you still up for it? If yes, may I request for a fluff with the prompt "midnight calls". I don't really have a specific scenario in mind, for as long as it'll end up being all sweet/romantic I'm all good. And if it's not too much to ask, I hope you could also add Zoro bc I'm a Zoro simp (tho I enjoy reading fics of other characters, too). Oh and it's with a fem so/reader. Gosh I hope this isn't too much. And I'm in no rush, feel free to take all the time in the world writing it. 😁😊 Umm, that's all. Thank you so much! I enjoy reading your fics, btw. I look forward to reading more. 🥰💚💚

a/n since i dont write anything romantically for rayleigh (yet) he would be left off as a familial relationship instead and also gender neutral since i didnt mention any gender in this <3 p.s the rayleigh one might be childish but i've had that kind of nightmare before

rayleigh

hearing the soft ringing of his ringtone, rayleigh groaned, being disturbed by a call so late. but when he sees the caller, his annoyance was washed away as quickly ad it came. "h-hey, rayleigh," you spoke timidly.

he could hear the slight shakiness in it, indicating that you had either just cried or maybe had a nightmare. "sorry to call you so late... it's just that, i can't sleep,"

he hummed. "do you want to talk about it?" he asked as he lays comfortably on his back. you broke down into tears, thinking back at the night terror that was hunting you earlier in your sleep. "it's just that... i dreamt of you! and you ― you died in it!" you couldn't even finish the rest of your sentences. it was all so scary that you just didn't want to think of it.

"it's just a nightmare okay? it's not real. do you want to come over here tonight? shakky can make you something to calm down," you could hear the female hummed. "yeah, that would be nice. thank you, rayleigh," you smiled, feeling a little bit calmed.

his comfort might have been simple, but you just needed reassurance. and he get that.

sabo

the blond-haired male could hear the gentle knock to his door. it wasn't unusual for him to stay up late till midnight due to his position in the revolutionary.

but when he heard your voice calling for him from the other side of the door, he was concerned immediately. "y/n? you okay?" he quickly bombarded you with questions while ushering you inside.

"it was nothing... do you think i can sleep here? i missed you," you replied. it was true. even though he doesn't have any mission at the moment, he was making himself busy by helping dragon with the reports and some other stuff little by little.

sabo cleaned his table, putting everything neatly back to its places. "hmm... i missed you, too. sorry that i haven't been spending time with you even though i don't have a mission," the male apologize.

he pulled you towards the bed, laying the two of you under the blanket on his single bed. his blond curls fell graciously on the pillow, making him look ethereal. no― he would still look angelic no matter in what form.

he cuddled you closer to him, kissing the side your neck before pulling back, making an eye contact with you. when he smiled, it was contagious that he also got you smiling.

and before you know it, the two of you fall deep into slumber.

ace

his footsteps grew louder and finally stopped in front of your room. the knocking at the door rouse you awake. you groaned as you woke up from your slumber. "y/n? hey, it's me,"

your eyes were wide opened at the sound of the owner's voice. you scrambled out of your bed and made your way towards the door. the sight before you made your heart ache. "ace? what's wrong?"

"can i come in first?" he asked. you ushered him inside and closed the door behind you. the two of you sat on the bed with your hand holding his comfortingly. he could tell that you were concern about him due to his slight red eyes. "i was thinking about luffy and sabo..." he confessed, blushing slightly from embarrassment. "why are you embarrassed about it? nothing's wrong thinking about your loved ones," you squeezed his hand.

"i just missed them. especially sabo..."

you pulled him into a hug, resting his head onto your chest which he snuggled into. "do you want to sleep with me tonight?" you asked. he just hummed and pulled you until the two of you were laying on the bed.

"i'm sure you'll meet with luffy again soon... after all, he's almost 17 right?" you said, kissing his nose lightly. "thank you, y/n,"

zoro

the green-haired male yawned as he kept looking out the window. the knock on the floor brings him back to reality. "oh, it's just you,"

you fully climbed up the ladder and took a sit beside him. his arm was quick to went around you, hugging you sideways. "what's up? it's not like you to come up here this late," zoro said. "is it wrong of me to visit my boyfriend?" you countered. "nah... it's just weird," his lips quirked upwards into a smirk.

you mirrored his smirk before chuckling. he cup your cheeks before pulling you into a kiss. the kiss was short yet full of passion. "need to recharge," he muttered against your lips before kissing you again.

his kisses left you breathless, making you to pull away unwillingly with how addicting his lips are. when he forced you to pull away, you were chasing after his lips, hearing a deep chuckle from him. "i'm not about to let you die from my kisses,"

"doesn't sound like a bad way to die..." you smiled. his arm around you tightens, pulling you closer to his side so that you would snuggle into him. "sleep," he said ― more of a command than a reply. his eyes saying, i know without him even voicing it.

you just had a nightmare yet again. and he hadn't forced an answer out of you. he knows that when you're ready, you would tell.

"goodnight," he mutters, leaving a kiss on top of your head.

a/n finished! cant believe it 😭