#i'm excited for my classes!!! it's just that last semester was really hard physically and i'm worried history will repeat itself

[strxnged]

Good luck with classes I'm rooting for you!! :(

thanks mirei :(

[astriiformes]

Having one of those weeks where I'm fighting my brain and my brain is winning, and it's hard not to feel a little depressed about it.

I'm excited about my classes this semester but they're definitely going to be more work. And I'm already struggling with motivation and still don't have a lot of good solutions, so it's all too easy to despair. I'm trying to get ahead of it and made an appointment with an academic skills coach at school, but I don't know how much they can help me with when the real problem is my out-of-control ADHD. Not to mention the anxieties it leaves me with about my future.

I still have no idea what I'm going to do after I graduate and it's starting to hit me really hard. I'd like to go to grad school, but I don't know if I can do it, or if I can uproot us from our support system like that, or if it's the right choice for actual employment prospects. But thinking about giving up on it makes me miserable. And my anxiety about all this is starting to bleed into my daily life at school, too, which is only making me feel worse.

Money is not good. I'm definitely overworking myself to try to make up for it, but we are not in a good place financially and I'm starting to beat myself up every time I pay for anything, but especially stuff that's non-essential. I just about made myself cry today thinking about nabbing a ticket for the Mountain Goats concert here this spring because I have friends going and it'd make me happy but is it really worth it?* When it comes down to it, I am just not getting enough financial aid to support two people and have eaten through almost all my savings trying to make it work, which only makes me more stressed about having something better lined up when I graduate. Except I don't think I will. Which is really bad.

*Please do not offer to help me pay for it. I think Dys the OCD demon would physically attack me if someone tried to buy me something frivolous because of a tumblr vent post.

I'm also just... questioning every social interaction I have, online and off. Turning them around in my head over and over and trying to figure out if I misstepped or misspoke or made someone upset, even when there's no real reason to think I did. It's exhausting, and I know it's indicative of larger problems but it's also just making me feel like my current floundering is impacting my relationships, too.

I don't know. I've been feeling weird and sad the last few days and I can't think of any real ways to stop feeling weird and sad, especially when money is tight and I feel like I'm fumbling every social interaction, making good distractions harder to come by. I hope the semester goes okay, but I'm getting pretty worried it won't. And I'm tired of the future being something that makes me feel sad and scared instead of hopeful things will get better.

[herblackabyss]

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[Title] 7 Dates, 7 Conflicts [Rating & Genre] [M] 18+, strangers to lovers, Collage AU [Pairing] Jeon Jungkook x Reader (Amaya Bradford) [Trigger Warnings] one little cuss word

[A/N] I'm working on two other fics along with this one, not BTS related sorry besties but I'm super excited about them especially the Mingi one. Rengoku Mingi lives in my soul rent-free 24/7, 365. but anywhoo I hope you all enjoy. I spent tiiimmmmmeeee editing and refining because I wasn't satisfied with the flow but I guess it's okay now... it's actually stressing me lol kmt. Your feedback is always welcomed guys it helps me improve my writing so feel free to critique in a helpful way. Also I named MC because it really helps with my writing but y'all can just replace the name ig <3

[Word Count] 1802

Tag List

@btsffreader92 ♡ @tinaluvtae ♡ @natalimurghulia ♡ @grltwin ♡ @hobisstar ♡ @namjoonsthottie

7:48 AM

If there's one aspect of school that I utterly dread, it's undoubtedly these cursed early mornings. Dragging myself out of bed at the ass crack of dawn feels like a form of punishment, a ritual concocted by the overlords of academia. I can almost picture them huddled together, plotting in the dim glow of a single desk lamp, cackling as they birthed this diabolical plan to subject students to ungodly class hours. It's as if they extracted it straight from the depths of a collective sleep-deprived nightmare. Yet, no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, luck seemed to take a vacation during this particular semester. My favourite professor of all time, Mr Moody, and his highly sought-after class turned into the academic equivalent of a rare collector's item. The moment that registration portal creaked open, it was as if someone had fired the starting pistol at a track meet—the slots for Mr Moody's class were filled up faster than a Snapchat story on a roller coaster. So here I am now, faced with the one option that clung to the registration page like a stubborn sticker—an 8 am lecture..

Goddamn it.

It's the first day of the new semester, and I can already feel exhaustion seeping into my bones. Despite my reputation as an academic overachiever, I've developed a chronic allergy to early mornings. The mere thought of tearing myself away from the warm embrace of my blankets before 10 am sends an unbearable itch coursing through my body. It feels like I'm wrestling a goddamn grizzly bear every single morning just to make it to class on time.The snooze button has practically become your best friend—Ahem, sorry, not sorry, Chenle. And let's not even talk about the inner battle that rages on when I have to choose between a few extra minutes of precious sleep or a decent breakfast. Navigating through a labyrinth of corridors, I finally arrive at the lecture hall, securing a seat right in the heart of the middle row. I've always held the belief that my choice of seating speaks volumes about my stance on the upcoming semester. For me, it's all about striking that perfect balance. Front rows are out of the question—too much scrutiny from the professor's watchful gaze. But the back rows are equally unacceptable, a potential vortex of distraction among the Neanderthals. So I opt for the middle ground, a conscious decision to engage without being swallowed whole. As I settle in, I lazily rummage through my backpack, unearthing the recommended textbook for class, a fresh notebook, and that pencil pouch I scored from a Sugar Rush Riot concert during summer break. My gaze sweeps across the sea of semi-conscious faces in the room, hoping to catch sight of any familiar ones. And lo and behold, I manage to spot a few friendly faces. There's Ava, my ethics class companion from last year, Gina, my partner-in-crime for surviving Mr. Hanson's painfully dull physics lectures, Issa and Lucas, the dynamic duo who effortlessly infused Parisian flair into my French class last semester, and, unfortunately, the notorious campus Lothario, Jeon Jungkook.

He's got quite the reputation, you know? A real crowd-pleaser, widely sampled, and utterly disrespectful. Around campus, it's like every girl has her very own "Jeon Adventure" to share, each tale brimming with explicit and intricate accounts of how he managed to leave them a quivering, breathless mess. Frankly, it's rather revolting. The way they flaunt every encounter with him like it's some kind of prized badge, casually boasting about every single detail of their time spent together.

A sigh escapes my lips, and I shake my head in mild exasperation. Jungkook might be popular, but I'm not interested in becoming a chapter in his little escapades. I certainly can't afford a distraction of his magnitude and certainly have no intention of sharing a guy with the entire campus.

Lazing there, lost in thought, waiting for class to commence, my eyes are inexplicably drawn to his striking side profile. Absently, I trace the line of his sharp jaw, observing the corners of his eyes crinkling as he engages in animated conversation with his friends. A subtle twitch of his nose, almost like a telltale sign, triggers a charming smile that graces his lips. His head tips back in response to a particularly hilarious joke, and in that instant, his gaze locks onto mine. His lips curl into a languid grin as he watches me. His sudden attentiveness snaps me out of whatever trance I was in, and before I know it, my face scrunches up into a deep scowl. I dramatically roll my eyes before diverting my attention elsewhere, avoiding any further visual contact.

With impeccable timing, Chenle saunters into my peripheral vision, deftly navigating through the rows of my fellow classmates with two steaming cups of coffee and a pair of assorted bagel boxes from Avery's Baegel Shop. Always the savior, isn't he? Seriously, where would I be without him? He's practically rescued me from the brink of starvation more times than I can count. He seamlessly slides into the seat next to me, placing the delectable breakfast on the desk in front of me. The mouthwatering aroma triggers an intense craving, causing my mouth to water involuntarily.

"What's with the expression?" he playfully teases, a mischievous smile tugging at his lips, noticing the way my brows knit together.

"Nothing," I replied with an annoyed huff, a hint of a smile curling up the corners of my mouth as I popped open the lid of the tempting treasure trove before me. My eyes locked onto the ideal choice—a cinnamon and creme bagel, practically begging to be savored.

As I took a bite, the explosion of flavors enveloped my senses, prompting a contented moan to escape my lips. Chenle chuckled at my reaction, well aware of just how much I appreciated his thoughtful gesture. He's always had an uncanny knack for understanding exactly what I need, even without me uttering a single word.

"I knew that one would hit the spot," he remarked, his eyes dancing with amusement.

"You know me too well," I replied, savoring each delectable bite.

"Oh, by the way, guess who's in this class?" I casually tossed out, locking eyes with my friend and flashing a knowing grin. Chenle and Jungkook happened to share the same major, and they'd endured numerous classes together. Most of my insights about the dreadful experience of sharing a lecture with Jungkook had been filtered through Chenle's complaints. Apparently, the guy had a knack for transforming classes into needlessly complex puzzles.

"You've got to be kidding," he scoffed, rolling his eyes dramatically, disbelief etched across his features. I subtly nodded in the direction of the back row, where Jungkook was comfortably settled. I took another heavenly bite of the warm bagel, savoring the exquisite blend of cinnamon and brown sugar that danced on my taste buds. "But hey, don't sweat it too much. Rumor has it that Mrs. Steel doesn't take any nonsense in her class. Maybe she'll be the one to rein him in."

Almost as if on cue, Veronica Steel strode into the lecture hall, exuding an aura of self-assuredness, her car keys swinging carelessly from her fingers. Her lack of teaching materials upon entry suggested that she might not have an elaborate agenda for today's session. Fortunately for me, this was my only class on a Monday, leaving the rest of the day blissfully free.

"Good morning, everyone," she began, introducing herself with a confidence that immediately put me at ease. Her subtle Spanish accent added a touch of warmth and familiarity to her words. "I'm your instructor, Mrs. Veronica Steel."

"I won't keep you too long, given that this is our first class. However, I do have some important information to share." Her words lingered in the air, grabbing everyone's attention. "All the assignments for this course will be completed in pairs, and I've already assigned your partners. You should have received an email this morning containing the list of assigned pairs." The room sprang to life as students scrambled to retrieve their devices and check their emails, myself included.

My laptop springs to life, and I eagerly navigate to my inbox, searching for the email from Mrs. Steel. Hoping against hope that I've been paired with Chenle, or at the very least, with Gina or Issa, anyone who won't make my life a living nightmare. My eyes scan the list, darting over each name with bated breath, and then Chenle leans over and lightly taps the "Ctrl+F" keys on my keyboard. I can't help but feel a hint of embarrassment; it's not like I've forgotten such a basic keyboard shortcut.

With deliberate care, my trembling fingers spell out my name. Dread courses through my veins, fearing the prospect of being saddled with a partner who'd expect me to carry the entire load. With each letter that materializes on the screen, the suspense heightens. And there it is, as I complete the last letter, my partnership materializes on the screen: Jungkook Jeon & Amaya Bradford.

The air seems to vanish from the room. This can't be real. Out of all the potential partners, it had to be Jungkook. And to make matters worse, this partnership is locked in for the entire semester. Veronica's voice keeps rolling, outlining the expectations for the upcoming assignments. "Each pair will evaluate their partner for every assignment," her words hang heavily, driving home the gravity of the situation and the potential impact on our grades.

The idea of spending a whole semester partnered with Jungkook feels like a mental minefield. We're polar opposites, like oil and water, each with a distinct approach to academics and life. Finding common ground for effective collaboration seems an insurmountable challenge, one that's thrust upon me, whether I like it or not.

Mrs. Steel's voice rings in my ears, emphasizing that switching partners is off the table, no negotiations allowed. The pit of dread in my stomach deepens. This is unavoidable, a collaboration sentence I'm forced to endure.

Against my will, my gaze drifts towards Jungkook. Fuck I really can't stand this guy—an infuriating, self-assured grin plastered on his face. He's relaxed, clearly the king of his realm, ignoring the brunette whispering away on his right. His eyes, however, are locked on me, as if I'm the only presence in the room that matters.

As Veronica concludes, she leaves us with a parting shot. "Thanks for showing up, and I can't wait to see the amazing work you all produce. Welcome to COMM101." And just like that, she's gone, leaving me to wrestle with the chaos in my mind.

"Fml," I whisper, my forehead making contact with the table's surface with a resounding thud.

NAVIGATION | NEXT →

[antpernas]

1/30/23

Haven't written in a minute (I wonder how many more times I'm going to open with a line like that?) but here we gooo

Got back from my many winter break travels; had a real messy trip to NYC but it was still fun and my first time in Brooklyn AND I met some really cool people while I was there! We live and learn :D

Started the semester off really well, really loving my classes and almost all my professors so I'm thinking this one will go better than the last!

Internship is proceeding alright, got confirmed to be selected again for the summer so I will be moving back to D.C. again when June comes around, maybe earlier depending on some other factors to be dated :)

Started playing volleyball again at FIU and I've met some really cool people!

Started taking CAPOEIRA CLASSES and they're SO much fun! The group is really awesome too and I'm looking forward to being somewhat flexible again.

Been going up to West Palm every weekend, which is nice!

Starting to date around again, which is also nice! Have met some really nice guys, finally met up with some guys that I've known for years, and all in all just enjoying company :D

Have done some computer reorganizing, going to start working on some projects I've been meaning to get to for a while. Downloading albums, getting some new programs, organizing files, all that fun stuff

Started off well on my music curation, kinda slacking now, but planning to get into that again too! There's another tech project I want to go along with that :)

Haven't been playing piano, and honestly I think that that's going to be on the back burner for a while, unfortunately. But I still manage to get in some notes every now and again!

Starting to get into tarot?? And I think I'm learning more about astrology? Good stuff!

Started amassing my library, both digital and physical :) Eventually when I graduate and move out every book I have digitally, I will own a physical copy! But maybe that's wasteful so IDK

There's probably more, but for now this works!

I'm going to start keeping this journal, as well as a physical one with little highlights from the day. Just small interactions or moments or memories that made me smile, maybe some doodles to go with that.

All my responsibilities are starting to pile up, and it's hard to juggle maintaining relationships, work, school, and my personal life, but I've been doing a decent job of it! And I'm feeling super motivated these days! I'm excited to keep going even if I'm going to be swamped. I feel really good these days :)

OK That's it! Bed time gn <3

[northwestofinsanity]

HI AGAIN!!!

SO sorry for being gone for a hot minute. Life gets so busy and then i just fall asleep 😭

IM A HUGE SUPERTRAMP AND CHEAP TRICK FAN!! Theyre such big comfort bands for me! Also do you have any albums youd recomend to me by the who? Ive been wanting to get into their music more seriously!

Also i am SO glad to hear that you like elo and billy squier! Some tracks id recommend are, rich kid, young girls, learn how to live, all night long, the musics alright, too daze gone... all great tracks you should listen to! also idk if its a lesser known track but also shes a runner if you havent heard that one either! (really all of his debut album is perfect... really ALL the tracks on his first 4 albums are flawless) also just listen to his songs he did for fast times at ridgemont high and st elmos fire! AND AND!!! have you listened to his christmas song?? I'm sure youd recognize it once you hear it but i LOVE christmas is the time to say i love you 🫶

And i DO have my own physical music collection! i have a million records, cassettes, and 8-tracks! records are my favorite to collect! I always go after first pressings or at least as close to the original release year!

Aaand when it comes to holidy prep... I really just like buying presents for my loved ones :-] I love picking out something i know will make them so excited! I also love doing anything that has to do with christmas lights and figuring out what recipes i want to use for christmas dinner 🤩

-⭐

Hi!

Oh, don’t worry -it is A-OK!  I’m in veterinary school, and it’s a very lecture heavy time up until the end of the semester… I actually have a test on Monday with 43 hours worth of lecture content on it from the last two weeks of class (not gonna say what that does to my nerves!), and then I’ve got another lecture heavy week before the final.  And when I’m on break, I go back to my job working 12 hour shifts in the hospital… so there’s quite a few days I can relate with coming home and being *done* XD

Oh my goodness, Supertramp and Cheap Trick… Supertramp got me through so much a couple of years ago when I was at peak hyperfixation with them.  That piano solo on “School” still is just one of the best things in the world!  And Cheap Trick was probably my first true band hyperfixation way back when I was thirteen.  I spent so many nights in the summer between seventh and eighth grade, watching interviews on YouTube, and falling head over heels in love with Tom Petersson.  First of many rock star crushes I have had! (And he’s *so* sweet…)  I’ve become a lot closer with other bands since then, but they have a very special place in my heart for starting it all.

It’s possible I’ve heard that Billy Squier Christmas song, though I’m not placing it off the top of my head.  I’ll be spending a lot of time in this weekend prepping for Monday, so I’ll definitely put him on my streaming radio tomorrow and give those songs a listen!  I like to check out some newer things, or check in with bands I’m not as close with about this far out from finals, anyway, because then I can save some of the effect of my emotional support bands for when I need it most.  Or, occasionally, I go into a hype and find myself with a new emotional support band going into it …and that’s how I fell into my most recent band hype back in the Spring!

The Who are really one of my favorites that slowly sneaked up from being a casual favorite to a true top level one without a bunch of fanfare like my other bands have given me (it also sort of happened while I was still hyped on Supertramp), but there’s an album I revisited around that time that likely had a lot to do with it.  I love Quadrophenia.  It’s one of my definitive comfort albums, and it’s one of those rock-opera concept albums that never really hit the same without being played all the way through, because it’s all supposed to connect (most of the songs work alone, but they’re just better together).  But since it’s a double, it can be hard to find the time to really do that.  So it became an album I would always listen to whenever I was home sick from school or work, and there’s sort of a synthesizer motif that reappears throughout it that has a very soothing effect to me.  I associate it with being comfortable at home and feeling better from that, which makes me like it even more!  I also like almost all the songs on Who’s Next.  Tommy has become a favorite as well.  It also has a similar setup to Quadrophenia, but with Tommy, there’s a lot more songs that just do not work out of context.  It’s probably a more fun album, even though I don’t have that comfort association with it.

Really, a lot of my love for The Who comes from their dynamic and their antics, though… they are hilariously chaotic!  I wouldn’t be surprised actually if Cheap Trick (Rick Nielsen, especially) took inspiration with some of their antics, even though I don’t think there’s too many bands that have been able to top The Who on that front!

All of those holiday prep things are stuff I also enjoy… I also like to do art for some of my family, and I’m really looking forward to when finals are over so I can make some!

[excuse-me-why-am-i-sad]

Off I Go - Last Letter Part 4. final part?

School is difficult, I would even say that it’s also a factor to why I turned out like this, when was it that it started? NDU-ETD, NDC and now ADDU SHS. I never would have thought that things would turn out this way. The day before the exam, a student tried to jump but she got caught. I wonder how this will turn out, I wasn't like this. My grades were above 90. This isn’t me. I refuse to accept this reality. Yet even though I study, even though I do my best, it isn’t enough. I don’t get it. I don’t get physics. Now it seems like I'm gonna fail earth science, biology and chemistry too. This isn’t because I'm studying at ateneo right? I choose to study here. And I'm failing.  The grading went by so fast, I barely understood any lessons. I can’t answer quizzes. I spaced out during the physics exam. I forgot everything I studied. The pressure in ateneo is real. Who do I blame? It’s not only me that is having a hard time, my friends are even developing sickness from the stress and schedule. Studying later, waking up early. Our class is in the afternoon yet they make us go in the morning? The class funds. The amount we had to keep paying. The projects that cost a lot. Practice in the morning and school in the afternoon. All my written works have failed. My physics PT has failed. Problem solving. The research. My group mates who don’t help. Who doesn't reply. My group mates who do the bare minimum and disappear. The classroom. I told you both, di kayo bagay maging parents. You guys are not fit to be parents. But since learning is a lifelong journey. Do what you will. But please don’t push my siblings down the same path as me. I feel bad. What i'm doing is bad and I'm aware. I have to admit that I'm excited to die. To pass away. I can finally rest. If I don't die then the cycle will continue. I don’t wanna be a part of that cycle. I want to rest. November 9, 2024 is the research defense and catapult making. The deadline for the infographics will be on November 11,2024. 3rd grading. The 2nd semester will only be 2 weeks? They plan to compress the lessons in 2 weeks? You're joking. I feel so numb. I feel so tired. I don’t even feel like crying. I just really wanna leave. I don’t have the motivation to study, or to go to school. I can’t even comprehend the lessons. No matter how much I read, or how much I listen. I can’t concentrate. I can’t analyze it. My processing is so slow. I feel like I'm constantly choking. My throat hurts. I can’t even cut myself. I feel suffocated. I need this. I need to die. But I don't regret meeting my friends. I feel bad for my online friends. I wanna be cremated. I’m gonna die with so many regrets. What I'm doing is so irresponsible and stupid. Immature even. There's no guarantee that I'll die. There's a chance that I'll get hospitalized. And live and then go back to school embarrassed and people know. I’ll be on the watch list. I need to die. I have to. If I can't handle senior high then how will I handle college? And then actual jobs. I don't know what I want. I was born without my consent. I didnt wanna be born. I didn’t wanna be alive. Although life is a gift from god. Life is a gift. A gift that I didn't want. I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry god. And thank you everyone. I hope everyone lives their best lives and succeeds where they are happy.  forget me.

[sandyrantsxo]

BSA humbled me.

For the last 9 months, I felt nothing but shame. Despite the achievements that I post on my social media, I am nothing but a fraud.

Writing this letter while ugly crying is truly such a surprise for me. I thought I'll excel here. I thought this would come off as natural to me. I CHOSE to be here. I PRAYED to be here. But then why is it hurting me this much? Why am suffering so damn much? Maybe I became too confident. Maybe I'm not really smart, I'm just *masipag* and that's it. I don't have the brains to survive in this program. Hell, 2nd semester and I'm already failing. 1st sem wasn't a breeze, though. I remember not having the energy to even wake up in the morning to attend classes. I felt doomed. It wasn't like when I was still in UB, where I felt excited to go to school. But here in DLSL? I dreaded it. There were moments where I could rather die than attend Confras and Finacre. The irony is, this institution was my dream school. This course was my dream course. I prayed for this. I really did. At 13, all I can think about is "De La Salle Lipa". I took pride in being a "Lasallian" and a "BSA student" just for those two to be the things that I hated most about myself. I couldn't see myself doing this for another 3 years. Hell, I just want this to be over with. It's so hard. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am I dumb? Am I really *that* dumb? Or is it the course? Is it the school? Is it the professor? Is it the lack of support system? Or is it just me?

Or maybe because I kept comparing DLSL with UB? Is it because I miss UB? I miss my home? It's just so weird. I hated UB with my whole guts but now I crave it. I wish I could just crawl back into it and cry and let the ambiance hug me and nurture me and tell me its okay. Is it my friends? Do I miss them? I mean, I have friends in DLSL but it isn't really a factor that I wanna even consider. Is it the competition? Fuck, it's like competing with 10000x Roberts in here. It is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually draining to even breathe in here. I don't like it here anymore. I wanna go home. But I'm scared of the judgment. I don't wanna be labeled as a failure.

I've been crying a lot for the past few weeks. I don't know if it's because of my period or because of my grades- could be both though. It's my first time experiencing scoring 29/60 in an exam. A fucking exam. And my quizzes are flunking out too. A 32/45 on a quiz? Fuck that. Fuck me. Fuck everything. Why is it so hard to be just as good as I was in high school? I know I'm not dumb. I'm not stupid. I may have gotten a bit lazy, but that couldn't have been it. I'm not dumb. It hurts how I have to repeat that multiple times a day. I'm so dumb. I'm so fucking dumb I hate myself.

I remember crying about not having 1 point to be considered "With Highest Honors", and now look at where I am. I'm begging to pass. *Pass*. All that in one semester. Last semester, I had second honors. Wow, right? I even assured myself that I might just survive in this program, that I might even do better than I thought I would. But fuck that. I'm failing. Do you even understand how embarassing that is? From being the top in your class, to being a mid in class? I'm just pretending that I have my shit together, but in reality, I do not.

I've reached a new low, where I wish I could just wake up and I'm 40 years old and I'm suddenly halfway through life and I only have a few years left until I die. Yes. That's a new low. I thought that the worst it could be is not seeing yourself 5-10 years from now. Turns out it could be worse. Sometimes, I find myself hoping that I'll get sick, or I could get caught in the accident so I can be confined and finally have the time to rest. Yes, it was that bad. For the first time in years, I silently prayed that I could seriously just die. Come on, let's end it. What's the point? It was that bad. I need help more than ever but I don't know how to ask for it. Hell, I don't even know what to do right now.

No, it wasn't because of the heavy workload. It was more of the emotional and mental fatigue. Unlike in UB where I'm bombarded with tasks, here you are bombarded with self-hatred, and jealousy, and confusion, and 99% of the time, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just good at acting like I know what I'm doing.

It was painful to wake up every morning, realizing what the day is gonna be. I hated how I hated where I am right now. I know I should be grateful and stuff, but honestly, I don't wanna lie to myself right now. I hate it. I fucking hate it. Why does it have to be so hard? I wish I had a single answer to any of these questions that I have in my head. I wish I could answer even just one of them.

No, I don't regret being in accountancy. I don't regret choosing ABM. I don't regret going to DLSL. I don't regret not staying in UB even if I had the chance. Because I know that I tried. What I would regret more is if I didn't try. As much as I love to take Psychology, I just don't see myself pursuing that long-term. However, I also do not see myself pursuing accountancy. So why am I still here? I don't know. Is it the ego? Probably. I'd probably just transfer to UB if shit goes south here in DLSL. Sure, I'll miss JPIA and PFC, but it's better than studying AIS and losing a scholarship. In UB, I could still try and apply for scholarship. I might lose the scholarship for 2nd year, but hopefully, I'll be a full scholar by 3rd year to 4th year- less financial burden to my parents. It just sucks that I have to here in this position right now. It sucks. Everything sucks. Just kill me at this point.

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

[hcrringtonsbat]

𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐈𝐓 - 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐 (𝐄.𝐌.)

summary: after everything you did last week, eddie was convinced that you learned your lesson. but, you still refuse to say any bad words. he thinks you're in need of a refresher. [5.8k words]

warnings: smut [18+ minors dni or i will take ur phone],oral (f receiving), hand job, dirty talk, teasing, penetrative sex, cum eating, dom!reader if you squint really hard

pairing: eddie munson x female!best friend!reader

a/n: oh. my gosh. after almost 30 days of not posting because tumblr sh*dowbanned me, I have returned with a second part to say it! i'm super excited to be back and thank you for all the love and support on the first part! also!! read more glitches out my fics! i’ll try and fix what i see but if i miss something, i apologize in advance!

“Stop!” Dustin yelled abruptly, ceasing the frantic bickering.

“Eddie,” He ran a stressful finger through his curls then looked at the Dungeon Master sitting on his throne, “Can we please have a break?”

“We’re getting absolutely demolished here,” Gareth added, causing the rest of the Hellfire members to nod in agreement.

“Fine,” Eddie caved.

“Your asses better be back in these seats in 15 minutes because Rogue Leonardo waits for nobody.” He leaned forward with emphasis.

With that, the younger members of Hellfire fled the drama room. You could see streaks of lightning following Erica, Lucas, Mike, and Dustin as they dashed straight for the vending machines.

Things were absolutely chaotic.

Erica and Lucas had tried biting each other’s heads off at least 3 times. Jeff had shaved the eraser on his pencil down to the wood because he was so stressed out.

You could’ve sworn locks of Gareth’s hair littered the floor because he’d been pulling at it for hours.

It was safe to say that this is a really tough campaign.

“Eddie, what the hell were you thinking? Half of our Mages will be dead by the time we’re finished today!” Jeff chastised, staring with wide eyes.

“Are you questioning my creative decisions as Dungeon Master?” Eddie asked, clearly challenging his friend.

Oh, he’s definitely in a mood. You thought, observing the impending situation.

It was like watching a car wreck, listening to Jeff try (and fail) at recovering.

He choked out a response, “N-No! It’s just-” 

The kids came bustling into the room, distracting everyone from the brewing argument, "Hey." Lucas greeted, before opening a packet of Kit Kats.

Each person held a different snack from the various vending machines scattered throughout the school. Someone must have swiped the keys to open the machines because there is no way in hell they returned so fast with that many treats.

Lucas held chocolate, Erica and Mike had chips, and Dustin cradled various drinks.

You perked up at the sight of M&M's in Lucas' left hand, “Lucas, can I have the M&M’s?” You asked politely from your seat next to Eddie.

“Sure,” He replied from halfway across the room.

It’s safe to assume that your hand-eye coordination was not up to par. Any sport or physical activity elicited flashbacks to gym class.

During freshman year, you and Eddie spent most of the period running away from the athletic students trying to get both of you to participate.

So, when Lucas hurdled the packet of M&M’s straight towards your face, you weren’t prepared.

The king-sized bag of chocolate came speeding toward you at 300 miles per hour.

Looking up from your notebook that had all of the strategies of this semester’s campaign, you felt the impact on your left eye.

“Motherlover! Lucas?” You start, bringing a hand to your face, “Why on earth would you throw it!?”

“I didn't think you were going to get up!” He exclaimed, “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

Everyone else in the room found the interaction to be quite funny.

To you, it happened in slow motion. But to them, they saw everything unfold and it was hilarious.

You glanced around with the only eye in use, frustrated that they found humor in your demise.

Then again, it’s not like you hadn’t laughed when Dustin fell face-first off his chair rejoicing one of Erica’s crit hits.

Your eyes– Well, eye landed on Eddie and your frustration morphed into confusion.

You expected him to be the main one cackling, but he wasn't. In fact, not an inch of humor clouded his face. Eddie looked slightly pissed.

This was the same look that always kidnapped his typically upbeat and smiling face whenever one of the members of Hellfire (usually Erica) outsmarted one of his traps.

It consisted of dead eyes, inclined eyebrows, and the slight upturn of his lip.

Realization hit you like a semi-truck on the freeway. 

You said the one word Eddie tried so hard to permanently remove from your vocabulary. Motherlover.

Nervousness overtook your body and you needed to leave the room to catch your breath, if only for a few seconds. Being under Eddie’s intense stare always seemed to stir something in you.

“Eddie,” You gulped, “How many more minutes of intermission do we have left?” It was a risky move talking to him. 

“10 minutes until we reconvene.” He replied, casually.

Too casually.

Still clutching your left eye, you rose from your seat before heading towards the door.

“Y/N, come on. We could be discussing strategies right now. Is this really necessary?” Mike said, dropping the bag of Doritos from his hand.

“Maybe if Lucas wasn’t such an NBA star, my eye wouldn’t be pulsing out of its socket!” You countered.

You peered at Lucas and saw him being swallowed by his seat, refusing to make eye contact with anyone else in the room. He clearly felt bad.

You made a mental note to assure him that you were fine.

But that was later. Right now, the only task at hand was fleeing this all-of-a-sudden claustrophobic room.

After clearing the doorway, you wasted no time finding the nearest bathroom outside of the corridor.

Glancing in the mirror, you examined your left eye. Other than a bit of throbbing and a run-of-the-mill case of embarrassment, everything seemed to be fine. 

If you disregarded the fact that your heart was nearly about to beat out of your chest.

Despite everything that happened with you and Eddie a week ago, things went right back to normal. Neither of you had mentioned the sinful activities that took place in his trailer.

From the look on his face back in the drama room, you could tell he was thinking about it. Thinking about-

A voice pierced through the silence, tearing you from your thoughts, "You okay over there, Princess?"

Eddie Munson was standing in the threshold of the women's bathroom. He had shed his signature leather + denim jacket combo and was leaning against the door, looking as calm as ever.

"Christ," You clutched your chest, visibly startled by his abrupt appearance, "Eddie, you can't be in here."

"One," Eddie held up his pointer finger that brandished his infamous skull ring, "It's a Friday night. Pretty sure no one else is here."

You couldn't tear your eyes away from his fingers, instantly recalling how they were plunged inside of you only a week ago.

Why must he talk with his hands?

"Two," He continued, "When have you ever known me to follow the rules?" Eddie took a few steps forward, officially entering the bathroom.

"And three: I'm just checking on my best friend." He finished, sounding so innocent (if that was even possible).

"I just needed a second." You explained, shrugging.

Eddie didn't respond. Instead, he came up to you and ran his eyes up and down your face, checking for any signs of bruising.

"If the basketball team was as good on the court as Lucas is with M&M's, they'd win more games.” Eddie joked.

You chuckled in response, "Most definitely."

A comfortable silence clouded the seconds that passed since the last time either of you spoke.

"We should get back."

You began to move around Eddie but in one swift motion, he grabbed you by the belt loop of your jeans and pulled you into him. His hands rested gently on your hips.

"Now that we're here," Eddie slipped something into your hand, "I guess I can return these."

Gazing down at your palm, staring back at you were the panties that Eddie had so kindly pocketed (stolen).

You snapped your fingers shut around them.

"Seriously, Sweetheart?"

A smirk adorned his face, "Again with the motherlover?"

Eddie's voice dropped an octave when he whispered, "Did you not learn your lesson?"

Cool. Calm. Collected. I can stay cool, calm, and collected. You repeated it like a mantra, forcing yourself to believe it.

"No. It's just... the word has been in my vocabulary ever since Freshman year. It's gonna take a little bit for it to filter out."

Miraculously, you didn't stutter or falter once.

Regardless, Eddie was able to see right through the act and tutted, "Y/N.... always so stubborn. I’ve cracked you before, I can do it again."

Feeling his breath ghost your neck had every bone & nerve inside of your body screaming to let him take you right here in this bathroom that probably hasn’t been cleaned in who knows how long.

Before either of you could act on those impulses, a voice cut through the tension, "Eddie?! Is Y/N okay?"

Lucas.

Curse that boy for being such a gentleman. His timing couldn't have been worse.

"Just peachy," Eddie responded to the freshman, a grin on his face as he deciphered the look in your eyes that was clearly longing for him.

"C'mon," He began to back away, "Our fifteen minutes are almost up."

And with that, he walked out of the grimy bathroom. You watched as his hair bounced with each step he took.

If it was hell to pretend like you didn't have any sort of feelings for him before... Imagine what it was going to be like this time.

˚ · •. ° .

"Okay!" You restacked the notecards on your desk, "I think we're finally ready to ace O'Donnell's test tomorrow. What do you think?"

Eddie was currently sprawled out on your bed alongside countless textbooks, notecards, and loose pieces of paper.

He rubbed his temple, "I think not even the promise of a new miniature could get me to think straight right now."

Eddie was tired and groggy.

He arrived at your house early this Sunday morning anticipating a pretty chill study session. Instead, he was hit with the "Intense Y/L/N Study Regimen" and was forced to memorize countless words and phrases. He had arrived when the sun was just barely peeking through the clouds and now, it was pitch black outside.

Everything seemed fine and dandy between the two of you. It'd been 2 days since the interaction in the women's bathroom during Hellfire. 2 days was more than enough time to allow things to settle. Right?

You sighed, "My hands are numb."

Even though studying until the color drained from Eddie's face was your idea, it still took a toll on you. Towards the end of the session, you began stuttering over your words as you read off terms for a comatose Eddie to memorize.

After standing up and stretching, you headed towards your bedroom door, "I think I'm going to get some water. Do you want-"

"I can't stop thinking about you, Y/N."

His words stopped you dead in your tracks.

One thing you learned about Eddie over the years is how he acted when he was tired. Depending on the day, he could be extremely clingy: always having a hand on your arm or around your shoulder. Sometimes, he'd rub his eyes furiously and you'd be forced to pry his palms away from his face.

But no matter what, the ability to control what left his mouth was nowhere in sight. He said any and every thought that came to mind when he was tired.

And today? Eddie was exhausted.

You wanted to tell him to stop before he admitted something he'd regret but, you just couldn't get yourself to say the words.

"I mean, I can't stop thinking about what we did." He propped himself into a seated position.

We can be mature. We can talk about this. You thought. After all, what's the point of being so-called "best friends" if you can't communicate?

"Eddie-" You started but he began to speak over you. He was making a habit out of interrupting you mid-sentence and it was starting to get annoying.

"I'm still not convinced that you've learned your lesson."

The last time he said that his breath was tickling your neck, and his voice was barely above a whisper.

You forced yourself to roll your eyes, and faked a tone of betrayal, "Of course, I learned my lesson!"

Eddie shook his head feverishly, his hair flying every which way, "See, that's where you're wrong."

He rose from your bed and began striding over towards where you stood. You could hear the siren labeled, 'Eddie Is About To Do Something' go off inside your head.

It was the way he carried himself that gave it away. The barely visible smirk on his face, the way he spoke, the words he chose... everything.

He continued, "I know you think I hardly listen to you, Y/N but, I heard you on Friday."

His fingers danced up the side of your arm, "Your signature catchphrase made an appearance.”

"Were my fingers not enough?"

There he goes again, saying things that made a wet spot form in your underwear. Everything about Eddie had your knees weak and nerves screaming.

You sucked in a breath, trying very hard not to let your confident stance fumble, "I just... need more time for things to stick."

As of recently, he just loved to see you flustered. Stumbling over your words, avoiding eye contact— that sort of thing. Eddie found his opening.

"So what I'm hearing is, you need a little refresher?"

Ding. Ding. Ding. He hit the jackpot. He saw the way the muscles in your jaw contracted, telling him everything he needed to know. You were turned on.

"C'mon, you're not thinking straight, Eds. Let me grab you some cold water from the fridge and you'll start to wake up a bit, 'kay?" You countered.

"I think getting to taste your pussy would wake me right up. What do you think?"

His brown eyes stared deep into yours. Their doe-like appearance made him look so innocent. If only people knew what sinful thoughts churned behind them half of the time.

Immediately, your attempt at being unphased crumbled, "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack." He deadpanned.

Eddie then closed the gap between the two of you and planted a soft kiss on your lips. You melted into it, signaling that you had stopped fighting what was bound to happen.

"O-okay." You conceded, "But my parents will be home soon."

Eddie shrugged, "That's okay, Princess. All I need is a few minutes."

This time, Eddie kissed your neck and began slowly backing you up against your bedroom door as he found a spot to focus on behind your ear.

Instinctively, your hands found Eddie's strong back. You pulled on the fabric of his Iron Maiden t-shirt as you craned your neck to the side.

Eddie gave a few more quick pecks before sliding down onto his knees.

God. I’m about to pass out. You wanted to scream. Instead, a breathy moan escaped your lips, "Eddie,"

He spoke, gazing up at you, "I'm gonna take such good care of you, darling."

Eddie unzipped your jeans while you braced yourself against the door of your bedroom. You clutched the handle for extra support.

Once your jeans were fully unbuttoned, Eddie began to slowly rub your clit through your underwear.

It was slightly embarrassing at how wet you are considering he's barely even touched you.

He continued to draw slow and steady circles on your clit before speaking, "You like that, Princess?"

"Mhm," You nodded frantically.

You were so swept up in the euphoria that you almost didn't hear the familiar sound of your garage door open. If there was ever a time to swear, right now offered the perfect opportunity.

All the air was sucked out of the room in an instant. Your eyes snapped shut with annoyance as Eddie stopped teasing your clit and gazed up at you.

He saw you fighting the urge to pound your head against your door in frustration.

You really didn't want this to end.

“They’re home.” Deliberating silently for a moment, you continued, "We can be quiet." 

Eddie's hand began to move inside of your jeans. You smiled solemnly, happy that he obliged you.

It wasn't until you felt your zipper being tugged upward that you opened your eyes. Eddie had risen from his knees and was standing in front of you, fixing your pants.

"I think you've got it backward, Sweetheart," He started, "I want you screaming."

"Can't do that when your parents are home, now can we?"

You watched, mouth agape as Eddie slowly retrieved the hefty rings that were shoved inside of his pocket and put them back on.

"Excuse me," He gestured to the door, "I should go say hi."

Regardless of how separated your mind was from your body, you still moved a few steps to the left to allow Eddie to leave the room.

He flashed you an arrogant smile before rounding a corner to head down the stairs. You heard his heavy boots come in contact with each step before reaching the bottom of the staircase.

"Oh, Eddie! I’m glad we caught you before you left." You could make out every word your mother said, even from all the way upstairs.

"Y/N!" Your father called, "Come down here and help us with these groceries, please!" His booming voice tore you from your trance.

As much as you wanted to be furious with Eddie, he was right. Sounds had the tendency to carry inside of your house. And if he was planning on doing half of the things he did last week, there's no way you would've been able to keep quiet.

That would've been baaaaaaad.

Trotting down the stairs, you entered the kitchen to see Eddie carrying the heaviest grocery bag. His face was scrunched in hopes of not letting it show that he was struggling, wanting to impress your Dad.

You smiled at the sight.

"Here," You approached him and gripped the handle. Your hand grazed Eddie's knuckles slightly, feeling the frigidness of his rings.

The both of you heaved the 40-pound bag onto the countertop.

"Now Eddie," Your father opened the fridge and placed a milk carton inside, "I'd hate to put you to work after Y/N kicked your ass up there."

Your Mom chimed in, "How was studying?"

Oh yeah, it was great! Just Eddie almost fingering me while I was pressed up against my door. Ya know, same old same old! You joked inside of your head.

Your Mom stared at you with a furrowed brow, awaiting an audible response.

Eddie spoke instead, "It was good but, my brain is temporarily out of order." He chuckled.

He peered over his shoulder to look at you, shielding his dubious smirk from prying eyes, "Don't worry. I'll get her back soon enough."

Your eyes widened to the size of basketballs. There is no way he just- In front of my parents?

It would’ve been so easy to take the bag you just placed on the counter and hurl it at his head. You doubt that he'd be that injured from the impact.

Attempted murder was life in prison possibility of parole? You could live with those odds.

Instead of taking the homicidal route, you opted for a tight lip smile, "Oh, I'm sure you will."

˚ · •. ° .

A piece of paper was stuffed into your locker this morning behind your various textbooks. It was a miracle that you even spotted it. It read, My trailer. Tonight at 8.

If the word "trailer" wasn't a dead giveaway as to who wrote it, the penmanship was.

It was pretentious. You knew it, Eddie knew it too. Yet, here you were, perched on his doorstep at exactly 8:00 PM. You forced yourself to enter Eddie's trailer. Twisting the handle and pushing forward, you found that it'd been unlocked for you.

You wandered in slowly. This was the first time you'd been back here since everything happened last week.

It felt the same exact way it had for the past few years you'd been frequenting it. A smile tugged on your lips as a warm feeling of comfort entered your stomach, calming down your nerves.

The door to Eddie's room was wide open. From where you stood on the opposite side of the hallway, you could see him sitting up in his bed, guitar in hand. The amplifier was nowhere in sight, which left you to assume that he'd just been lightly strumming until you arrived.

Your feet shuffled on the carpet as you approached his room. You were standing clear as day in the doorway, but Eddie’s eyes were still fixated on his guitar. He either hadn’t noticed you yet or refused to acknowledge your presence.

Your knuckles knocked on his door, “Hey.”

Finally, his eyes teared away from his instrument and landed on you. Without a word, he hung his guitar back on the wall where it normally resides and started towards you.

Eddie stopped just inches away from your face. Then, he reached into his pocket, pulled out his guitar pick, and placed it on the desk to your left.

“Just needed to put this back.” He shrugged, oh-so-casually before he turned around and plopped down on his bed.

It’s kind of funny. How everything that’s been happening over these past few weeks came to a head in just one moment. What Eddie just did was nothing compared to the other day at your house.

But you were tired, and because Eddie had been teasing you for days… you were beyond horny. 

“Gosh,” You sighed, then began pacing the room.

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed with concern, but his interest was piqued, “What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"Well," He stood and began to guide you towards his bed, "Sit down. You’re freaking me out."

You swatted his hand away, "No!"

"Ouch." He retracted, rubbing his knuckle, "We're supposed to save the violence for Dungeons and Dragons, Y/N." Eddie chastised.

“You…” A beat passed before you added, “Asshole.”

The look that overtook Eddie’s face was pure shock. You would’ve been able to enjoy it if you weren’t so riled up, “You are the biggest shithead I’ve ever met, do you know that?”

“My, my,” He shook his head disapprovingly, “Y/N Y/L/N saying a bad word unprovoked?”

If you weren’t fuming before, you were definitely fuming now, “U-Unprovoked? Are you kidding me? You think that all this is happening right now because I was unprovoked?” 

“First, you rile me up in the bathroom at school! Then, you are seconds away from giving me what I want at my house, and you stop just because my parents came home? I thought the prospect of breaking rules excited you, Eddie!”

“And now, you pull this shit here at your trailer and flop on your bed��� the same bed that you humped like a dog while your head was between my thighs?”

After letting all of that out, a sense of calm entered your body. You took a deep breath before continuing, “Eddie… I have been turned on for days. I can hardly sit still during Hellfire anymore. It’s torture.”

Eddie spoke, “I didn’t know I had you this riled up, Princess. You could have told me.” 

He beckoned you over to him with a wave of his hand, and you approached him, entranced. You felt as his fingers danced along the waistband of your jeans, “I’ll give you what you want, Y/N. Just use your words.”

Finally.

“I want you inside of me, Eddie.” You whispered.

“Hmm,” He smirked, before unzipping your pants. In one fluid motion, Eddie flipped you over so that you were now laying underneath him. It almost knocked the wind out of you.

As you breathed deeply, trying to catch your breath, Eddie began stripping you of your pants. 

Smirking, you tried to make it harder for him by squeezing your things together but he pried them open with little to no effort, “Gonna have to try harder than that, Sweetheart.”

Your pants were on the floor, and your underwear was next. You could see the way Eddie stared at them, probably contemplating if he was going to steal this pair too. 

The prospect of getting to touch you outweighed his kleptomaniac tendencies and he threw your panties on the ground right next to your jeans. 

Eddie took in the sight of you, “I can’t believe we’re here again, Princess.” He said before slowly licking a stripe up your dripping cunt.

A breathy moan escaped your lips, “Eddie, please.”

“Is this not what you wanted, Sweetheart?” His pointer finger began swirling at your clit gingerly, adding just enough pressure to get you excited, but not nearly enough as you wanted.

“You’re so beautiful like this, you know?” Eddie plunged his pointer finger inside of you, very slowly. He waited a few seconds before curling it at just the right angle, “Dripping on my sheets like the good girl you are.”

“Please, Eddie,” You begged, “I need more.”

“Awe, Sweetheart,” Your pussy felt empty as he retracted his finger. A lewd sound escaped your lips at the loss of contact, “Is one finger not enough?”

You gasped at the feeling of 2 of Eddie’s long, calloused fingers going inside of you, “Is that better?”

“Y-Yeah,” You exhaled.

His fingers fucked your aching pussy, pumping in and out of you with speed. His thumb applied pressure to your clit, scratching that itch that’s been pooling between your thighs for days.

Your back arched as his fingers curled inside of you. You bit your lip harshly to stop a whimper from escaping but, it was too late. Eddie heard it.

“Awe,” He teased, “You gonna come on my fingers for the second time this month? It’s alright, Y/N/N. You can do it.” 

Eddie’s praise was it for you. Everything unraveled and the coil that pooled in your stomach snapped. You came undone on Eddie’s bed… again.

You felt his hair tickle the insides of your thighs as he lapped at your exposed pussy, cleaning up the mess you made. He avoided touching your clit with his tongue, not wanting you to orgasm again just yet.

Out of curiosity, you brought your fingers to Eddie’s hair and pulled. You waited a few seconds, hoping to feel the bed shake…. It didn’t.  So, it’s a one-time thing. Got it.

His head emerged from between your thighs, a sly look atop Eddie’s face. You surveyed the situation: you were half naked on Eddie’s bed while he sat there, fully clothed and more than pleased with himself.

This isn’t fair. You declared before deciding to do something about it.

Your hand came to the tent in Eddie’s pants, “I wanna make you feel good, Eds.” You began, “Can I do that?” The palm that was over his crotch tightened, making him even harder (if that was possible).

Suddenly, all the words in the English language left Eddie's brain. His cognitive functions completely stopped working as he sputtered out a rushed reply, "Y-Yeah. Go ahead"

You smiled, feeling a rush of confidence before undoing the belt around his waist. Eddie wanted to help but he was frozen in place. His cock strained against his boxers as he watched you rid him of his pants, which were now on the floor right next to yours. 

Your hand slithered its way into his boxers, “Shit,” Eddie gasped, feeling your warm hand come in contact with his aching cock.

“Lay back, Eddie,” You instructed, “I’m gonna make you feel so good, promise.”

You pushed his underwear down enough to where they sat just below his hips. It gave his dick more than enough to spring free. Your mouth watered at the sight of his tip, leaking with pre-cum.

Eddie lifted his head from where it lay on his bed to watch as you brought your lips to his tip, and spit on it. You then gripped his head gently and used your thumb to coat the head of his cock.

“Jesus,” He moaned.

Slowly, you began to stroke Eddie. Starting at the base of his cock, and coming up, then going back down, again and again. Lewd noises and swears escaped Eddie’s lips as he tried not to finish after only 2 seconds. 

It was now your turn to tease him, “You like that? Hmm, like me stroking your cock?” You asked, condescendingly, “That feel good?”

Beads of sweat began to congregate on Eddie’s forehead, “Christ, Y/N. Y-Yeah, it does.”

You quickened your movement and watched as his face scrunched in pleasure. You couldn’t resist licking a stripe all the way up the side of Eddie’s veiny cock before pecking his tip.

Then, you went right back to stroking him feverishly. His hips began to hover as he bucked up into your palm. You used your other hand to push him back on the bed, forcing him to stay still, “I’m almost there.” He admitted.

Finally, hot spurts of cum escaped Eddie like a fountain, coating the hand that was still around him.  A string of curse words left his mouth as he took deep breaths, “Shit, Y/N.” He chuckled, “Who taught you how to do that?”

“Doesn’t matter.” You shrugged.

Eddie looked at the mess he made on your hand, “Shit… I-I’m sorry,” He apologized, “Do you want me to get a towel?”

“Nope.” 

It was now his turn to look at you, mouth agape as you brought your hand to your mouth and licked it clean, never breaking eye contact once.

When you were finished, you spoke, “Please, please,” You emphasized, “tell me you have a condom.”

“Uh… I should. B-But are you sure? I mean… you want to?” He asked, hurriedly.

“I’d rather it be me than your mattress, right?” You joked.

“Are you ever gonna let me live that down?” 

“Eddie,” You sighed, impatiently, “Get the fucking condom!” 

“R-Right.” Eddie skipped out of his underwear and went searching in miscellaneous drawers in his room. 

I know I’ve got one of those things in here somewhere. He thought, rifling through his socks. The next drawer contained nearly 100 guitar picks. Still nothing. 

“Shit, shit, shit!” He let the expletives fly off as frustration clouded his thoughts.

“Your pockets.” You suggested from his bed, “Check your pockets.”

Falling to the floor, Eddie searched the pockets of his black jeans like he was digging for gold, “Aha, yes!” He received the contraceptive from his pants and held it up so you could see, “I knew I had one of these things laying around here.”

“Okay,” Eddie cleared his throat and joined you on his bed. He slowly unwrapped the package and began rolling the latex on, “Lay down.” He instructed, and you listened, shimmying down his mattress. 

“Are you sure, Y/N? ‘Cause I promise I won’t get mad if you change your mind.”

“I’m sure.” You nodded.

“Alright.” 

Eddie carefully lined himself up with your entrance and inched in slowly before bottoming out. He didn’t move at first, giving you some time to adjust. But, when your grip on his shoulders became tighter, he started moving.

“God, you are so beautiful.” Eddie grunted, “And so fucking tight.”

Eddie used his hand to hike up your left leg, pushing deeper inside of you. In pure ecstasy, his face came down and nestled in your neck, kissing it. His hair was tickling your ear lobe.

The pace of his thrust picked up, causing you to moan an exasperated, “Eddie.”

“Scream my name, Princess.” He demanded in a deep gruffing voice.

“Eddie.” You moaned, only this time louder and needier, “Harder, please.”

He obliged your request, using as much force as possible to pound into you. Your fingers scraped down his back, gripping at his skin. 

He hissed, “God, you take me so well.”

Eddie’s grip on your thigh tightened as his thrusts increased in speed. You could only hear the sound of Eddie’s rickety bed frame slamming against the wall harshly as he pounded into you. 

Eddie’s signature guitar pick necklace dangled above your face, slapping your nose rhythmically each time his cock hit the perfect spot inside of you. But you didn’t even notice, caught up in the pleasure.

His previously slow and controlled thrusts started to get sporadic as he felt himself inching closer to finishing.

“Don’t get all quiet on me now, Baby.” He grunted in your ear.

You tried so hard to give a coherent response but all that passed your lips was a moan.

This riled up Eddie even more, “Fuck. I’m about to come.”

“M-Me too.” You choked out.

In a messy daze, Eddie’s lips came crashing down onto yours. It was chalked full of clashing teeth but you couldn’t care less.

Both you and Eddie came undone together. A mix of grunts, moans, and fucks accompanied the orgasms.

As his final form of torture, he pulled out of you very slowly. You practically felt as each inch of him left your pussy.

“Jesus Christ.” You sighed.

Eddie smiled, giving you a quick peck on the forehead before standing up and approaching his trash can to discard the condom.

When he turned back around, Eddie was met with the sight of your discarded parties on the floor. And he just couldn’t resist.

Eddie scooped them up in one fluid motion, clutching the garment tightly in his hand.

He thought you didn’t notice, but you did, “Hey!” You chastised.

“Whaaaaaat?” Eddie shrugged, “I gave back the last pair.” The bed dipped down as he returned, claiming his previous spot next to you.

“Whatever.” You scoffed playfully, nuzzling your head into his shoulder.

Eddie cleared his throat, “Are you— Was that okay?”

It’s been a long time since Eddie felt insecure when it came to sex. Most of his partners were people that he’d met at the Hideout and took to his trailer for a quick fuck.

But this was different. You meant more to him than any of the people he used to sleep with. He cared about you and he just needed reassurance that you were okay

“It was more than okay, Eds. Gosh,” You sighed, “I can’t remember the last time I came that hard.”

“Was it okay for you?” You followed up.

“Yeah!” Eddie was surprised by how fast he responded. Recovering, he cleared his throat, “Yes. I- I thoroughly enjoyed myself.” 

“Good.” You chuckled, shaking your head at how all over the place he is.

After a few beats of silence, Eddie deadpanned, “I think Dustin knows about us.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “Really?” 

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Dustin Henderson is single-handedly the most observant person either of you had ever met.

Still, you could help but ask, “Why do you say that?”

“Well,” Eddie began, “Although me coming to check on you in the bathroom was of my own fruition. Henderson was also adamant that I go find you as well.”

“I mean, Lucas was practically foaming at the mouth to see if you were okay after you left but, nope. Henderson wouldn’t let him.”

You tutted, “Welp, on the bright side, something good came out of it.”

“And what’s that?” Eddie asked, his interest peaked.

“We finally got together.” You smiled ear-to-ear.

“That,” Eddie nodded, “And I finally got that god awful word out of your vocabulary. Ugh.” He squirmed.

“You’re so dramatic.”

--

people who asked to be tagged: @stardust-kenobi @enjoy-the-destruction @eddiessidegirl @urlocalhippie2029 @monimickell @siriuslysmoking @that-lame-ghoul9000 @jcf-my-so-called-life @eddiemvnsonsgf @sambucky8 @flightlesswentz

[authoressofdarkness]

I saw that you're taking prompts, from the dialogue list. Can I get number 20? “I’ve never had someone taking care of me before.” for starker obviously. I'm excited, I love reading your works. Thank you in advance!

Hi anon! That means so much to me and I’m v glad to be taking this as my first prompt. Thank you 💙

I kinda want to try some new things with some of these prompts, so I’m gonna go at this with omega Tony and alpha Peter and see where it goes. I hope that’s okay with you anon and that everyone likes it 😘

Same age college AU, omegaverse, alpha Peter Parker, omega Tony Stark, some angst and some fluff at the end.

—

It’s a well known fact that Tony Stark has a shitty family.

Well, at least to anyone who knows him, it is. They know how he’ll do anything to not be at home when his father is around, to get out of the endless pressures of social events and promotional things and questions of mating and management and all of the things that he hated about being born an omega and being attached to the last name Stark to top it all off—

For years, it was just him. Some flings, mainly to piss his father off, but he never had his attention for longer than the time it took to scold him or order him around, and his mother was never much help, either. He had precious few friends growing up, never really made any real ones until college when he met Rhodey and Pepper — an alpha and a beta respectively that helped him manage things there and that were the first people to truly understand the depths of struggles he had going on at home.

And they were great friends, still are, but there was never anything more there between them. They helped him float through the first year of school, and then—

And then came Peter Parker.

Tony doesn’t hate all alphas on principle, although he is often rather tempted to try to, what with how they were shoved in his face most of his life. They were great for a good fling but most of them were meatheads. As horny as Tony was, he couldn’t allow just anyone to be close to him, nothing too get to serious, because he’s got a lot of responsibility coming down to him and he needs the right partner — alpha or otherwise — to be willing to deal with that. Not that he’s particularly interested in mating right now but he also isn’t going to allow someone close enough to potentially mark him knowing the repercussions of that.

He’s the heir to Stark Industries, sure, but he’s still an omega. An alpha will have significant legal power over him once they’re mated. And he wants to be the one to run SI, to take on his legacy, to build, to create, and to run his business, and he’s not going to let anyone stop him, even if that means flings forever.

(Not that that’s legally going to fly because he can’t take over until he’s considered qualified which implies a certain amount of stability that translates into having an alpha that’s more than just a fuck buddy but—)

It doesn’t matter. None of it matters after he meets Peter.

Peter is a year younger than him in school, technically, but biologically they’re the same age. Peter just started a bit later than most — and for good reasons, as Tony comes to find out.

He’s in one of Tony’s engineering classes and his organic chemistry class and the omega would be lying if he said he wasn’t immediately taken with him.

He can’t help it. Peter is cute, with his overgrown curls and slim form and silky skin and shy little smile and—

The other man is all alpha, there’s no doubt about it. He exudes it without even trying, but there’s a shyness to him, too. He’s not a meathead; he’s a sweetheart. From day one he’s respectful of Tony in class, kind when he sees him around campus, and that makes them the perfect lab partners in chemistry, and after knowing that, it’s just the natural choice for them to partner for the project in engineering and then—

Then things spiral, and Tony doesn’t even care.

He’s seeking the alpha’s attention, and Peter, the innocent, shy thing he is, is happy to give, to dote on Tony in ways that he would resist if they were coming from anyone else.

They’re not even fucking, but it’s intimate, so intimate that he can’t even explain it, and he loves it, scarily so. It both soothes and sets all his instincts on edge at the same time.

By mid semester they both have keys to come and go freely from each other’s rooms. It’s more common to see them together than it is to ever spot one of them out alone. The whole school probably thinks they’re a couple, and even though they’ve never made it official — and he’s never allowed himself to even come close to considering it before — Tony can’t bring himself to mind.

As midterms approach, though, Tony locks himself in to focus on his work. He doesn’t mean to, really; it’s just that hours studying slip into full nights and then he hasn’t eaten and he hasn’t left the room, even missing one of his classes because he doesn’t realize the time.

Peter hasn’t come by in days and except for the occasional check in text, Tony hasn’t heard from him, either. But they’re both busy with midterms so he really isn’t surprised. In fact he barely has time to eat, let alone check his phone, so even if he was texting him regularly Tony probably wouldn’t be answering.

Except mid terms or no, of course Peter notices when Tony misses class. And when his texts go unanswered by the absorbed omega, he doesn’t hesitate to show up and let himself in.

Tony doesn’t even realize anyone is there until he feels a hand on his shoulder. He jumps so hard he nearly knocks the chair back, and when he turns around he sees Peter, stepping back and holding his hands up in the universal “I surrender” gesture, clearly not having meant to startle him.

“I’m sorry, I knocked but you didn’t answer so I let myself in. I just— you weren’t in class, and I was worried… are you okay? When was the last time you ate?” It takes all of two seconds for Peter’s sheepishness to melt into concern, and he steps forward again, closing the distance between them to tilt Tony’s chin up, looking at the shadow stretching across his jaw where he hasn’t shaved in a few days. “You’ve lost weight,” he murmurs, thumb brushing over Tony’s cheekbone tenderly — which, yeah, is definitely more prominent than it was at the beginning of the week.

Tony’s eyes flutter and he leans into the touch for a moment before refocusing and shaking it off. “I’m fine. This is normal, Peter. I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Peter raises an eyebrow. “Do you even know what day it is?”

“It’s Saturday—“

“It’s Monday, Tony. 1pm on Monday, at that. You missed engineering this morning and you haven’t answered my texts all weekend.” Surprise flits across Tony’s face at that, because — yeah, last time he checked it was Saturday, and he had no new texts from Peter, so— “When was the last time you ate?” Peter continues to prod, voice gentle but insistent.

Both aspects only serve to spark irritation in him, though. Tony bats Peter’s hand away from his face, frowning. He doesn’t need to be treated with kid gloves. “I ate a little while ago. I’m fine.”

“You don’t even know what day it is—“

“It all kind of blurs together when you’re not doing anything besides working, okay—“

“Two days is a lot of blur, Tony—“

“And just because I need a shave doesn’t mean I haven’t left my desk or that this isn’t totally normal for midterms—“

“You’re the one saying you haven’t left your desk, not me—“

“That’s not what I meant! I’m just saying—“

“I’m just saying you need to take a short break, it’s not that big of a deal—“

“I don’t need a break, I know my limits—“

“Tony, I really don’t think—“

“Jesus fucking— You’re not my alpha, Parker, would you fuck off?”

The words come out before he can stop them, and he flinched himself at the hurt on Peter’s face, the way the alpha physically recoils, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I’m not— god, I know that, okay? I’m just trying to help you, Tony. Please, this isn’t sustainable. You need to eat. Just— let me find you something, and then I’ll leave, okay?”

Leave? No, he doesn’t want him to leave. But the only thing that comes out is a quiet “whatever,” and he watches Peter escape to the kitchen with a ball of guilt growing in his chest.

Peter is just trying to help. He likes Peter and he doesn’t want him to leave, he just— he panics, and then he snaps.

Because what if Peter wants more? What if he really likes him? And Tony is a fuck up that does shit like this when he feels emotions and has so much baggage attached to being with him and—

And Peter knows that, at least some of it. It’s been a few months of seeing each other nearly every day, now, and his family situation was never a secret.

So why is he still here? Oh god, did Tony just ruin it?

The thought, for reasons that he’s refusing to immediately think about, is almost too much to bear. He stands up, fumbling his way out of the chair and into the kitchen.

The smell hits him almost as soon as he enters, and he sucks in a deep breath. His traitorous stomach growls, loud and demanding.

Soup bubbles on the stove as Peter works at the counter, chopping up some fruits and vegetables. He’s already managed to put a few little storage containers of food together for him, and something in Tony’s gut feels warm at the sight. But it also drops — preparing premade meals most certainly means that Peter isn’t intending to come back.

He looks up when Tony enters, expression wary. “The soup was the quickest thing you had, and since I had to be here for as long as it takes to boil anyway I thought I would just—“

“Peter.” His own voice sounds remarkable calm for how shaky he suddenly feels, lurching towards the alpha at the countertop. “It’s okay. I… thank you, for this. I’m sorry.”

Peter looks taken aback by the apology. “Tony, you don’t have to apologize. You’re right; I’m not your alpha and it’s not my place to give you orders. I just… I care about you, okay? I just want to help. I know you don’t think about me that way, and I’m sorry I overstepped, but—“

“You’re wrong.”

“What?” The words draw Peter up short.

Tony takes a breath, looking down. He focuses on the alpha’s hands, watching him chop instead of looking at his face. It’s easier. “You’re wrong. It’s not that I don’t think of you that way. The problem is… that I do. And I… I’m not used to this. I’ve never had someone take care of me before. Not really, not in any way that mattered. And what I feel for you… it scares me.” He takes a little breath again, looking down at his own hands. “I want you to be my alpha, Peter. But I’m not really a good omega, and I just have so much shit that comes along with being with me. The thought of asking you to do that… what that could do to us… I just don’t think I could handle that.”

He hears the knife ting against the countertop as Peter sets it down, and the pitter patter of footsteps as the alpha crosses the room. He’s suddenly being drawn into a pair of lanky but surprisingly strong arms, surrounded by the musky, relaxing scent of alpha, and he practically melts into it, nestling his nose into the spot between the collar of Peter’s sweatshirt and his throat almost automatically.

Peter’s hand running up and down his back is soothing, relaxing him the rest of the way, and the press of the alpha’s chin against his head is just the perfect weight to be comfortable, reassuring.

“Tony… I’m not an idiot,” he says gently. “I know who you are. What you’ve done, where you came from, what’s expected of you — and yeah, I’m sure there’s more that you haven’t told me and that’s not public, but— I get why this is a struggle for you, and why you feel the need to put so much pressure on yourself. There’s nothing wrong with you for that and it is most definitely not your own fault that you’re not used to being taken care of. And you’ve no idea how badly or how long I’ve wanted to be your alpha.” He pulls back a little to look down at him, fingers scratching Tony’s scalp gently as he works his fingers through his hair. “But that doesn’t mean that this kind of behavior — towards yourself or others — is good or acceptable. It’s okay to let me take care of you — at least in small ways. I know you’re scared of losing your independence, but that’s not what I want for you, either. I just want to help.”

“Help,” Tony echoes, eyes drifting to the pan on the stove and then back to Peter. “I… I think I’d like that.” He bites his lip, looking up at him. They’re about the same size and height, but this close, wrapped in the alpha’s arms and scent, with his steady gaze on him, he can’t help but feel small by comparison. “You really want to be my alpha?”

“Only if you want me to be, but…” Peter looks down at him and cracks his shy little smile. “I’d like to try, if you’d let me.”

“I’d like that,” Tony admits. He shifts to press up against him, putting a hand on his chest. “I’d also really like it if you’d kiss me.”

Peter looks a little surprised, but not unpleasantly. Still, he shakes his head, giving him a little push back. “Tony, you didn’t even know what day it was. God knows when the last time you brushed your teeth is. No offense, but… ew.”

Tony just laughs a little, unable to help himself. “If I brush my teeth…?”

“Maybe. If you eat your food as well.” Peter moves back to the counter, finishing up the container he was working on. “We can’t be doing anything that’s going to burn you extra calories when you don’t have enough to begin with, hm?”

Tony finds himself grinning. “That’s an argument I can get behind. Literally and metaphorically.”

Peter flashes a grin in return, voice back to that gentle but insistent tone that he knows so well when he says, “Go, Tony.”

And for once, Tony is all too happy to obey.

[ddejavvu]

im back ~~

hello mei!!!! how are you? i hope vvvv well, you deserve only the best <33 :o! i have news!!! i officially graduated thursday night!!! i now /have/ to go to college! my high school does a thing called project grad where all the seniors get to play games/win prizes for free as a celebration of us graduating (i'm so sure buena pours like thousands of dollars into it) some of the prizes include an ipad, between 100-1000 dollars, microwaves, fridges, PRINTERS??? and like some other college essentials, its really cool! the reason i'm talking about it is because my friend from phoenix came down for it!!! its a lock in sorta thing and it ended at 4am yesterday and its some of the most fun i've had in a while! one of my friends had four (4) energy drinks and a total of like 2000mg of caffeine in like 2 hours 😃 (i don't normally use this type of emoji but i feel the energy is correct) i saw some of my friends for (most likely) the last time and its honestly so bitter-sweet... like one of my friends i'm obviously going to see over the summer but hes going to college in NEW YORK !! i'm not ready to not see him :( but at the same time i got to spend time with friends i missed and people i know i will miss :( anyways! on a much lighter note :D hot came out!!! i havent had the chance to listen to the full album but i have full faith its amazing! have you listened to it/what song is your favorite? i truly value your opinion <3 i hope you are doing so well mei! whats been going on :o?

love you <33

wonu nonnie :D <333

CONGRATULATIONS DARLING :D <333 i'm so so so so so proud of you, that's amazing!! also omg that sounds so fun??? pretty sure the prize at my school was not having to do a final physical fitness test 💀

lock-ins are so fun!! i've only been to one but i've wanted to do another for sO long oh my god!! just messing around with your friends </3 also is your friend still breathing?? i'm worried about him.

aw no that's the worst!!! i'm sorry sweetheart, knowing you probably won't get to see people again is so weird and depressing but I hope that you're able to maintain contact with everyone you want to!! friends moving away for college sucks ASS. my bsf moved and i had kinda put all my eggs in her basket so i had no one LMFAO - you will make new friends, don't worry about that, it's just hard to see the old ones move!! i hope you get to see him semi frequently, maybe you can take a trip up there one day :D it gets easier with time, but yeah it's sucky at first and i'm sorry you're dealing with that :( make the most out of this summer!!!

DUDE FTS IS SO GOOD SKGNDG okay so like i've been streaming the entire album for a while and so far i love love love all of the songs!! IF you leave me is sO good oh my god it's a ballad but it's not vocal unit, so we get dino mingyu vernon vocals etc etc all the people we don't normally get to hear sing!!! the loml i swear

my favorites so far have honestly been all of them but i'm especially clinging to hot, don quixote, 'bout you, and ash!!

i'm doing good!! I just turned in my last assignment for this year of college (my first) so i'm feeling pretty accomplished!! i don't even know if i passed any of my classes because i slacked sO HARD this semester but idc idc i finished and that's what matters 😤

in other news i started nannying again and tomorrow i'm submitting an application for a little bakery by my house!!!! i'm so excited, i just wanna work in a cute lil bakery and have a baby to babysit on the other days of the week <3333

i love you too darling, have an amazing day/night and i'm so proud of you for graduating!! <333

[itsuki-minamy]

WONDERFUL SCHOOL DAYS: MY PRECIOUS RED

CHAPTER 2: SPRING

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: skyflyinginaction

* Gakuen K (List of Chapters) * Projects & Chapters

"Oh! It's over!"

At the same time the bell rang, Yata stood up vigorously.

However, at that moment, the chalk released by Anna-sensei hit Yata's forehead so badly that it was creepy. Yata turned around and was surprised by the gaudy sound.

"Guh! It hurts!"

"Misaki. Class is not over yet."

"Hey... the doorbell rang, isn't it over?"

"Class doesn't end until the teacher says it's over. Have a seat."

"Don't bother. It's over."

She tried to tell him that it wasn't okay. However, on the way, when Anna-sensei caught him, Yata shook his shoulders and mouth.

"Tsk. Sit down quickly."

"What? Monkey!"

"Misaki."

"I understand."

Yata clicked his tongue and sat up savagely.

"Class, so far for today. Don't forget your homework, preparation, and review."

"Wow! This time it's over!"

Yata stood up again and Anna-sensei stopped him again.

Kukuri, who was sitting next to Saya, stood up, touching her arm a bit.

"Come on. The next thing is physical education. First we have to change clothes."

"Oh, it's true."

Oh, so is that why Yata was so tense?

She quickly cleaned her desk and got up with her gym bag.

"Look, Wagahai-chan will go too. Oh, I'll lend you a bag. I'll bring it to you. Saya-chan, your left hand is burned. It hurts, right?"

"It hurts, but it's okay like this."

She shook her head, "Okay then." She replied softly.

"Physical education is often separated by gender, but today it is the same. It is a physical fitness test."

"Oh, is today the fitness test?"

[Physical education for the first and second semesters is decided by a physical fitness test.]

"Yes, it's correct."

"Is Saya-chan good at exercising?"

"Normal. If you say simple tasks like 'run' and 'swim', I'm good at it, but when it gets complicated I tend to think too much and I'm not very good at it. I need a strategy."

"Oh, basketball or volleyball?"

"Yes. I'm not good at team sports. How about you, Kukuri-chan?"

"Me too. I'm neither good nor bad."

"Neko seems to be good at exercising. She moves her limbs well."

Glancing back at Neko as she opened the locker room door, the strange-eyed girl smiled a big smile and shook her head vigorously.

"I like to move my body, but I'm not good with rules!"

It was exciting to her.

"Today we will do a physical fitness test. Everyone, do your best to get a better score than last year!"

Claudia Weismann, a physics teacher with a soft and beautiful beauty, shook the board and screamed.

"You know the first event to measure, right? Each group, after the measurement, go clockwise to the next event. When they have finished the tour, go to the schoolyard!"

"Us first, what was that?"

"Grip strength. No, it's below average, isn't it?"

Kukuri sighed.

Fushimi sighed as well, saying, "That's annoying... Do you want to do things correctly?" She had made a mistake, right? She remembers hearing that the blue club was a super elite group who behaved well.

When she accidentally looks back, he glares at her. "Sorry.". She felt a murderous aura.

"Yes. Next. Yata-kun. Come here."

She suddenly looked back at Claudia's voice.

Yata's face at Claudia's call was surprisingly bright red.

"Kukuri..."

She opened her eyes and rubbed them at the strange answer.

The event was the long seat forward lean. Claudia had just told him to sit in front of the digital measuring instrument... It is true that they will sit close enough to touch, but that's it. That's. However, Yata seemed to be going through a difficult time.

"Yata-kun, even if Claudia-sensei is the other party, he's nervous."

When she coughed, Kukuri turned around and smiled a bitter smile.

"It's like that except for Anna-sensei. He's not good with girls anyway. He hasn't talked much about it either."

"Oh? Is that so?"

"Yes. If you answer 'Oh', do I feel that communication went well today?"

Hey? Was it really like that?

She stared at Yata, who was away from Claudia, because he couldn't concentrate.

It was certainly a digital measuring instrument that a single person can measure. Even if Claudia was out, she could measure it, but she... she already understood. That was Yata, he really was shy.

Little by little, her chest grew warm.

Although he wasn't that good with girls, he looked directly into her eyes and apologized.

And he said that he would "protect" her.

It was Yata who suggested that they take her to the Kusanagi´s bar.

She finally understood how cool he was. That's how it is. All of that was something he had a lot of trouble doing. What should she do? She was happy!

How much of the flame she burns was originally from Yata? What's more, she was a different Strain.

"Hey. It's Saya-chan's turn! What? You're smiling."

"It's nothing. I'm sorry."

She shook her head hastily, pressed her red cheeks together and went to Awashima-sensei.

"Yes. Grip strength meter. Start with the right hand. You should not use the left hand."

Awashima-sensei, a frozen beauty math teacher, presented you with a grip strength meter.

"I think it's okay..."

"But it hurts if you push yourself, right? You can't push yourself too hard. What did the nurse say? Did you go to the hospital?"

"Oh, sure, I was told not to move too much."

"So, let's stop the left hand. We'll only measure the right hand. Now, hold it. Lower your hand parallel to your body. Yes. Hold it as tightly as you can."

As she indicated, she squeezed the grip strength gauge.

At that moment, a destructive sound echoed through the gym.

"Eh?"

"Eeeeeeh?!"

Awashima's eyes widened. She was confused too, and she looked down at her right hand.

The needle jumped, and that was not enough, the grip piece was broken and had come off. Was it the handle part? Subjection? Anyway, the part she grabbed was broken.

Eh? Maybe she over-squeezed the grip strength gauge?!

"I wonder if it is old."

"Sensei. It's painful."

She didn't think it was easy for an aluminum alloy that wasn't rusted to break because it was old.

She understood that she should take care of herself, but she couldn't.

When she shook her head forcefully, Awashima scowled sheepishly, "That's right."

"Is it because of my ability?"

"Yes, maybe. No, maybe it is."

"Konohana-san. You still don't know your abilities, do you? I have received reports about it."

Reports from whom?

She wondered that, but it was definitely true, so she took it firmly.

"Let's try again for now."

"Eh? Is that okay?"

"Things can be firmly measured this time."

"But I could break it again, right?"

She had gambled a bit, but it was true that her abilities were so unstable that it didn't seem like she was going to continue (or rather, she hadn't had that experience yet), so she was quietly receiving a new strength meter from grip.

Suddenly, the whole class was looking at her. Of course, Yata too.

"Wow..."

She couldn't bear the attention and her face turned red.

"That's right. Konohana-san."

"Oh, yeah."

Like before, she lowered her hand vertically, but unlike before, she tried to hold it a little lighter.

However, at that moment, she heard a loud buzzing sound again and closed her eyes tightly.

(Wow, ah! Why is it continuously activated only right now?), she thought.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

Awashima shook her head and asked Kukuri to fetch a new grip strength gauge from the warehouse. Then she turned her eyes back and tilted her head a little.

"The record is over 100 kilos. Is it okay if it can't be measured?"

"I can't measure it, please!"

This was only the result of the skill activation.

Her own grip strength wasn't as good as a gorilla's, it was normal! Because she was normal!

"Hm. It seems the newcomer's skills are excellent. Unlike you."

When she returned the broken grip strength gauge and tilted her head, she heard Fushimi's tongue click from behind.

When she took a breath and turned around, Fushimi had a haunting smile on Yata. Yata also turned his fierce gaze towards Fushimi, saying, "What?"

(Ah, wait!), She thought.

He immediately mistook her for such an atmosphere.

When she looked at Awashima, she said, "Well... oh, you two...", and gave them a lecture.

Then, to stop the fight that was about to start, she started walking towards the two of them, but at that moment, the third "bang" echoed through the gym.

They all looked at her as if that sound was coming from her.

"Kya, kyaa, ah!"

Her wide eyes were stained evenly and astonishingly. With the board broken in half, she quickly bowed her head.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm sick and my hands are getting stronger!"

"It's okay. You two…"

Looking back, Awashima smiled gently and turned her eyes to Fushimi and Yata.

And when she points her thumb at them, she heard a pleasant voice.

"If you don't stop fighting now, you will stay like this too."

"Eh?!"

(I mean... I broke it that way. I mean, I won't do that!), she thought.

She tried to deny it hastily, but when she saw the two of them choke on the words, she thought reflectively.

(Maybe it is better not to solve the misunderstanding to fit in this place?)

However, she would like to deny that "If they're going to fight here, they'll end up like this.".

When she saw them, they clicked their tongues at the same time and turned away from her.

When she looked at Kamamoto as she was about to cry from the pain of being "the last demon chief", Kamamoto also hid his smiling mouth with a deliberate throat clearing and turned away from her.

When she gave a great sigh, before Awashima who returned in front of what was broken in half, she bowed deeply.

++++++++++

Rang the doorbell.

Once she stepped inside, the wooden floor squeaked.

"Welcome. Oh. Yata-chan, you can escort properly."

Kusanagi, who was cleaning the glasses, gave him a mischievous wink when he saw them.

"You took her bag and opened the door... Yeah, great. Did you keep up with the girl?"

Yata blushed a little.

"I can carry my luggage, but..."

"Oh, I am your servant until the burns heal!"

"Why do you say…"

She was embarrassed, she wondered if it was okay, but regret the words.

Saying that while she was thinking about her request, Kusanagi laughed and showed the counter seat.

"Miss, sit down. What do you want to drink? Soda, tea, orange juice..."

"Oh, never mind. I didn't get the price of the parfait yesterday either."

"Okay, don't worry. Part of the cost of the material is deducted exactly from the cost of the apartment. Don't hesitate."

Is that so?

"Well then tea. Um... please use china that can break."

Kusanagi widened his eyes in amazement.

"Break up? Why…?"

"Because she could crush him."

"What?! Crush it?!"

"Yes."

"Konohana-san, it was impossible to measure with a grip force of more than 100 kg."

"Yes?!"

Kamamoto's words surprised everyone, not just Kusanagi.

As she looked around her, she looked at Kusanagi with a glance and breathed softly.

"It seems the ability has been activated... I smashed two grip strength gauges."

Kusanagi lost his complexion, perhaps even imagining a broken grip strength gauge.

"Well, Saya-chan. Is it possible to use a stainless steel cup? The color of the black tea worsens."

"Of course it's okay. Thank you."

"I would like to thank you. But what is your ability, Saya-chan?"

Kusanagi tilted his head as he set the kettle.

"Here we go…"

"Isn't it the power to manipulate the flame? That pillar of fire…"

"If that's the case, she won't run out of oxygen surrounded by flames. She'll burn."

Suoh, who was lying on the couch, denied the words someone said with a yawn.

"And that's Yata's flame."

"So maybe because the quality of the flame was different? It was Homura's flame, so it burned out."

"It's not impossible, but... hmm."

Totsuka, who was playing with the camera at the end of the counter, looked up.

"That's too conspicuous for Yata's flames to escape, isn't it? So I think Konohana-san's abilities are working somehow... but because she acted on the flames, I manipulate the fire. Is it premature say skill?"

So cut off his words, and Totsuka lowered the camera and looked at her.

"Don't you think you could have multiple abilities? You protected yourself from the knife, (maybe) acted on Yata's flames and broke the grip strength meter, all of which are abilities of different quality."

Everyone except Suoh took a breath and stared at each other at the Totsuka words.

Eh?

She wasn't familiar with these abilities in the first place, so she didn't understand why everyone was so shocked, she opened her mouth and looked at Totsuka.

"Ah, is that unusual?"

"Yes. At least I haven't heard of that."

"Truly?"

When she looked around, everyone shook their heads evenly.

"Is that so."

"I don't know. I don't know if you really have multiple abilities, but it certainly looks different in quality."

"If so, right? Konohana-san's specialty as Strain isn't just that she was born off the island."

Coughing, Totsuka wiped the smile from his lips. Then, he made a thoughtful gesture and called her "Konohana-san.".

"Oh, yeah!"

"That's what happened in PE class, right?"

"Yes, that's true. It was in PE class this afternoon."

When she shook her head vertically, Totsuka and Kusanagi looked at each other.

"Not good."

"Eh?"

"That's right... what should I do? I'm sure he noticed it too."

Totsuka covered his mouth with his hand and stared at the amber counter.

That boy? Who was he?

She bow my head, but no one said anything. Did everyone know?

Suddenly, when she saw Yata, he bitterly distorted his face and stared at the bottle on the back of the counter in silence.

The identity of "that boy" was immediately revealed.

To be exact, the next day. When she went to the bathroom alone after lunch.

"Hey."

As she put her handkerchief in her pocket, he approached her as she walked back to the classroom.

She turned around and looked back quickly.

"Ah, Fushimi-kun?"

"Are you really going in there?"

"What?" Before asking, she was surprised to hear him speak to her.

She turned to Fushimi and smiled, "Um...".

"What place is that?"

"The red club. Why are you in such a place?"

"Why..."

"I've never heard of a Strain with multiple abilities."

The words surprised her.

Maybe "this boy" was the one Totsuka was talking about...

"Do you think you can elucidate your abilities and control yourself in such a place? They do not perform any activities. You will just soak in warm water every day."

"Oh, that..."

"Anyway, are you just drinking tea and talking?"

She wondered why? It was as if he knew the red club. That crossed her mind.

By the way, Totsuka had called him "that boy", wasn't it a way of calling a person that you only know his face?

Maybe it was because she didn't answer him that Fushimi clicked his tongue.

She shook her shoulders and lifted her face from him.

"That…"

"Someday someone may be in danger. It's too late. Do you think so too? Your abilities must urgently be clarified and you must learn to control them."

She thought he was correct.

But for some reason, she couldn't obediently control it, and when she rejected it again, Fushimi clicked his tongue again.

"You are a Strain full of irregularities. It's strange. You can't do it alone. You should still be under the supervision of the blue club, for the good of the school and the students."

Under surveillance...

The words bit her lips involuntarily.

There was nothing wrong with what he said. Rather, that was correct. Very correct.

But…

With pursed lips, she touched the bandage on her left hand with her right hand.

But nobody in the red club said that.

"The captain cares. If something happens outside the school, regardless of whether it is inside the school, we may not be able to respond quickly. The meeting place for the red club is outside the school."

Then Fushimi kept talking.

But after all he was correct. It could be wrong. Because she cannot control it, her abilities can be revealed outside of school. At that time, it would be possible that there was no one from the red club nearby. She would have no way to stop the damage.

She couldn't do it alone, she thought. There was no rumbling sound. She certainly hurt people in the past.

Because Fushimi was right, she couldn't argue, she was just scared.

It was at that moment that...

"Stop it!"

A high-pitched scream echoed down the hall. At the same time, intense footsteps were heard.

When she raised her face to turn around, a reddish-brown haired boy jumped in front of them.

At that moment, her heart made a loud noise and she covered her mouth with both hands.

"Don't say what you want!"

Yata yelled as he stepped between her and Fushimi.

"What's wrong? You shouldn't come to school to act like this!"

He said with a high-pitched cry without hesitation.

Her chest warmed with his back wider than she expected, wrapped in a black school uniform.

He was there to protect her.

Fushimi was very right, but he still held him back.

She knew that she shouldn't be happy. There was no reason to rejoice. She was not a good person to protect. If she really thought of everyone, she should abide by Fushimi's words.

However, she was excited, in a selfish way.

"Yata-kun..."

Kamamoto squeezed her shoulders coughing. He gently supported his large, warm hands.

"How dare you intimidate her?! Do you know the word 'rights'?"

Faced with Yata's anger, Fushimi maintained his usual nasty and annoying demeanor. He looked at Yata with a ridiculous laugh on his lips.

"Hmm...! What?"

"Always talking, and what right do you have? Don't say warm things. It's too late after an irreparable disaster. I don't think the red club can handle it."

"Shut up, bastard!"

Yata yelled at Fushimi's words.

"Don't be silly! Idiot! What do you think that girl is?"

"A Strain, so what? This place is full of them."

Obstructing Yata's words, Fushimi took a breath.

Then, with a provocative mausoleum again, he narrowed his eyes and looked at Yata.

"You will end up being killed, Misaki. You seem like an incomparably idiotic person, right?"

"Bastard!"

Yata grabbed onto Fushimi's chest as if he couldn't take it anymore.

At the same time, the battle was dry. The lid of the memory that was desperately stored in the depths opened, making a rattling noise.

What revived in her mind was a noise and a scream. It was a schoolyard where tears flew.

A blue sheet put on the floor. The red lights of the ambulance that came all the time.

And a bloody person lifted off the ground.

The faces of the students on the gurney overlapped with Yata's.

"Ah!"

At that moment, terrible nausea hit her. She held her mouth with both hands and sat there.

"Konohana-san!"

Kamamoto's voice rang out. He quickly knelt beside her and hugged her shoulders like she cared, but she couldn't lift her face. She was trying to hold back the nausea.

Her whole body was trembling terribly.

It was an unmistakable horror.

Yes, it was. Fortunately, there were no deaths at the time, but she was lucky. After all, there were many serious injuries.

(I don't know what it will be like next time! This time I can kill people!), she thought.

Kukuri, Neko, Shiro, her classmates, and the red club members as well. Even Yata!

"Are you okay? Konohana-san!"

"Kamamoto! Get away!"

Dark horror stained her eyes black.

With the sharp shout of Konohana and Yata, Kamamoto's hand detached from her shoulder, and the signal fell far away.

Immediately after, she was strongly drawn and her body floated in the air.

"Ah!"

When she opened her eyes as she held her mouth with both hands, Yata's face was at her side.

She realized that Yata was holding her and her heart ignited.

"Are you ok?!

She was happy.

Oh, but no. She wanted Yata to let her go, she was afraid of hurting him.

"Uya!"

"Don't talk! Now let's go to the infirmary."

The fiery eyes no longer saw Fushimi, they only stared straight ahead.

Her profile was very sad.

At the same time as her heart beat, it became painful.

(No. It's not good, Yata-kun. Let me go.), she thought.

But she didn't get her voice out of it. Her consciousness was swallowed up by the darkness just as she was.

Suddenly, consciousness arose from her.

When she slowly opened her eyes, she could see the cloudy white ceiling.

She couldn't understand the situation for a moment, and looked mysteriously around her, but she could only see the white partition curtain.

Oh, but she notices that the curtain rail was covered with her uniform jacket and this was the bed in the infirmary room.

When she got up, you probably noticed it from the sound of the bed. She opened the dividing curtain and the infirmary teacher looked at her face.

Instead of being kind, the teacher, who felt like a trustworthy mother with deep nostalgia, smiled and took off her lab coat to get closer to her.

Her smile makes her feel relieved for some reason.

"I…"

"Yes. You fell. Don't you remember?"

"Remember…"

Oh, it's true. That had happened.

"Oh, that's good. Afternoon class is over, so go home today."

"Eh?!"

Oh, was it over?

"Did I sleep that long?"

"It's a few hours, even if it's long, right?"

No, but...

"They should pick you up, so go home today. Get some rest."

"What? Pick me up?"

When she tilted her head as she combed her hair with her hand, the door to the infirmary opened instantly as if could hear her, and Kamamoto said, "I'm sorry.".

"Oh, you came."

The infirmary teacher looked at the door and beckoned.

Then, Yata and Kamamoto came out from behind the curtain and looked at her anxiously.

"Are you ok?"

"Aren't you shaking anymore?"

Their voices made her feel very relieved.

"Yes, thank you.", she said smiling. Yata's face turned bright red.

And as he was, he retreated into the shadow of the curtain. "Yes?"

"Oh, Yata-kun?"

"Yata-san didn't mind carrying you, take it easy."

"Shut up!"

Just as she was, she heard the rattling sound of the door. So did he come out?

"Huh? Hm?"

"Oh, don't worry. Maybe she's waiting outside. Konohana-san, can you get up?"

Kamamoto shrugged and put a bag on the bed.

"This is a bag. Rest assured that Yukizome cleaned it up. It should have what you need. If you can get you up, let's go home. I'll send it to the bedroom."

"Oh, thank you. Maybe it's okay."

It was time to get out of bed and get up.

She fixed the wrinkles in her skirt and put her shoes back on. She looked good.

"Especially, it feels awkward, they're not there, are they?"

"Yes. There are none. Take it easy."

"But the expression was dark. Really?"

Eh?

She involuntarily looks at the teacher.

"Is your body really okay?"

"My body is fine..."

Eh?

The teacher shrugged and said, "Then go home."

Kamamoto removed the sack from the curtain rail and handed it to her. She grabbed it and put it on.

"Then, thank you."

Ready to go, she bowed to the nursing teacher.

When she bowed firmly to her voice that told her "Take care." and she came out of the infirmary with Kamamoto, as Kamamoto said, Yata sat in the hallway and waited.

"Yata-san..."

"Oh, give me the bag."

"Eh? I can carry it."

"I'm going to do it."

Yata extended his hand with slightly red cheeks and looking away.

"Then, please."

"Oh. Then take out your PDA."

Eh? PDA?

"PDA? Why?"

"Because it's okay, get it out."

As she tilted her head, he took out his PDA, and Yata pointed his own PDA.

A bang was heard and Yata's contact information was recorded on her PDA.

"This…"

"If something happens, give me a call! Okay? Do it!"

Yata's face turned red as soon as he saw her.

Her cheeks warmed when she noticed him. She was very happy.

Because... huh? Didn't he care at all what Fushimi said?

(I can't control my abilities, right? I might hurt Yata-kun. It's not an impossible story, because I've done it in the past.), she thought.

She try to speak correctly.

But it wasn't just about being there. He will try to protect her, it was also very natural.

Why? Why did he worry so much?

It was like a dream. Was that really the case?

"If I call you, will you come?"

"Oh, that's the natural thing to do!"

He wasn't looking at her as usual, but he didn't hesitate or stagnate at her words.

"No matter what happens, hurry up and do it right away!"

Simple words that can be clearly understood without lying.

She was so happy.

(Oh what's up with this? Why am I such a happy monster?), she thought.

She tried to email "Yata-kun" while she hid her face that had turned bright red with the PDA.

Yata, who was alerted by the ringtone and lowered his eyes to his PDA, turned his eyebrows on her saying "Oh?", and finally looked back at her.

"Yes, call me, but not for something silly!"

"Oh? I'll send you an email, if you don't have anything to do..."

"Ok, that's fine."

Kamamoto turned away from Yata, who averted his eyes from his as he endured laughter.

Yata wandered for a while and then quickly turned his back on her to hide his red face from her.

"Hey, I'm not going to answer you if it's something stupid!"

++++++++++

"Yes? You guys. If you get a red dot in the middle and end of the period, you won't be allowed to enter here for a while."

At Kusanagi's sudden declaration, they all yelled at once: "Huh?!" Oh, everyone except her, Suoh, and Totsuka.

Yata, who was sitting on the sofa with her, raised his hand, also stopped and looked at Kusanagi in a stunned way.

"Eh?! I won't, it's stupid. Nobody says I can get good points. Just tell me to avoid the red dots. It's the lowest line."

"But they are all themes, right?"

"It's still normal. Hey, I'm thankful I didn't say that in the skill test in April. The range is fixed at the middle and end of the period. It shouldn't be difficult."

"He can't help but show that he is our idiot, Kusanagi-san."

"I'm not trying to do that, stupid."

Kusanagi sighed and put the polished glass on the counter.

"By the way, Saya-chan, how did your skill test go?"

"Huh? Oh, the average score was only 80 points. Math was a bit difficult."

The inside of the tent was so cold that everyone looked at her with surprised eyes.

Yata's hand also stopped again.

"What? I haven't taken those numbers."

"Oh, no, at my other school, the transfer exam was really difficult."

Eh? Was that so?

(But I haven't taken the transfer exam, have I? I got a letter of recommendation and I just...), she thought.

Thinking of that, Totsuka suddenly looked at her and looked at her left hand.

"By the way, your burns, don't you have to go to the hospital anymore?"

"Oh, yeah. Thanks. All I have to do is be careful not to leave marks."

Yata applied to her a vitamin C ointment and lotion to the back of her hand and bandaged it.

He put a gauze on and taped it up. He had repeated it many times since April and he was used to it.

Yata who usually had a hard time talking to her, much less touching her, had a calm face when he did that treatment, probably because it was a treatment. He would ask things like "Are you okay?" or "Are you no longer in pain?"

When everyone made fun of him, he turned bright red and got angry, but he didn't stop doing it after all.

"Will the scars disappear?"

"There is no problem with the right knee. It seems that the left hand thing will disappear cleanly if care is not neglected. It will take some time, but it will still be clean in the summer."

"Yeah I'm glad."

Totsuka smiled as if he was relieved.

"Hmm. Left hand, finished. Is the bandage not tight?"

Yata propped up the scissors and looked at her.

She slowly opened and closed her hand, shaking her head.

"It's okay."

"So next is the foot. Put your foot up."

Yata hit the couch, pointing at it.

When she lifted her leg up as he told her to, Yata took off her shoe and put it on her lap. Then he released the bandage on her right knee.

"No matter how many times I watch it, it's erotic, right?"

"Aha. But Yata doesn't see it with evil eyes like you do, Chitose."

"No, Saya-chan doesn't either. She lets a man's hand apply ointment or lotion."

"That's why Konohana-san doesn't have an evil idea like Chitose."

She could hear them.

No, she wasn't embarrassing now, but she was really embarrassing at first.

She had gotten used to it a bit lately, but not that she wasn't embarrassed at all.

But more than that, Yata was desperate... It wasn't Yata's fault, but he was desperate to make it up to her and do what he could.

So she was very happy.

"How about the pain?"

"Most of it is gone, it's just turning red. Maybe I can use a lotion."

"Hmm. But don't overdo it, should I apply a little more salve?"

"Yes."

"Isn't that conversation too erotic to listen to?"

"Shut up, Chitose."

"Saya. I'm off topic. The guy who got a red dot in the middle and end of the period is banned from coming for a while. That's absolutely unreasonable."

Kusanagi stopped the talk by hitting a bread. Yes, that was the story.

Yata's hand stopped again. Maybe for Yata it was quite dangerous?

"If you don't study properly, you won't be a professional."

"You don't want to study because you want to be like Mikoto?"

"No! Go study! Even now!"

Yata sighed as he opened the cap on the lotion.

That was it. It was so dangerous that he sighed.

When she laughed, she softly made a noise to Yata, who was in a gloomy state.

"Let's do our best."

++++++++++

"Are you studying correctly?"

While she was doing her homework in her room, it suddenly occurred to her to email Yata.

She went into the kitchen, boiled water, made instant coffee, and returned to the study table with hot mug in hand, and had already received an answer.

She sat in the chair and enthusiastically opened the message.

"I was in Homura a while ago."

Only those words, but she was very happy. Yata answered the message correctly even though he said that he would not reply nonsense.

It was blunt and a short sentence, but he answered correctly the right way every time.

She was happy to send an email even though she had no problem.

Today was certainly a study session at HOMRA.

Some people were playing games, but Yata was studying hard.

When she casually showed Yata, who scratched his head, he turned red and didn't speak properly, but when the problem was solved, he said quietly, "Thank you.".

When he asked her over and over again, "Tell me...", "Tell me this..." and "Tell me that...", Kusanagi, who was watching them, said, "These idiots. Couldn't they study elsewhere?", but he was happy.

At HOMRA, the red club was very warm.

It was so much fun mingling with everyone and being happy.

"I have to do it in the bedroom. Aim! Avoid the red dots!"

She sent a reply to Yata and wrapped both hands around the mug.

The sweet, warm coffee made her heart feel warm.

She never dreamed that she could spend her days with that feeling even though her abilities had been revealed to everyone. She believed that it was all thanks to Yata and everyone in the red club.

Was she really good? She was having a quiet day like that.

The PDA shook to notify her of an incoming call.

When she opened the email she received, she saw the words "I'm upset."

"Hm, you don't have to be upset, Yata-kun. Maybe you're just blocked, aren't you? Let's do our best together. Ok?"

She texted while she smiled.

He immediately responded with an "Ok."

That made her feel like it was the end of the conversation, so she thought about it for a moment and asked, "Let's study in the library instead of going to HOMRA tomorrow."

She thought that he would probably hate studying in the library, but the answer was, surprisingly, "I can do that.", and she was shocked.

Eh?! Was it okay to go study in the library? Wouldn't he go to HOMRA?!

Oh, she didn't think he would return that answer. Yata really wanted to avoid the red dot.

She was happy in another way and said, "Let's do our best! If you have any questions, ask more and more. If I can understand it, I will show you."

Yata's response was: "I don't know, there are a lot of things I don't understand."

Yata's worried face seemed to appear before her eyes, and it erupted irresistibly.

"Hahaha. Yes. Yes... I see... Hehehe."

She laughed and wrapped both hands around the PDA.

But still, she told him to study together in the library without giving up.

"Well. If that happens, I'll ask you to avoid the red dot. Homura without Yata-kun is alone."

She put down the PDA and picked up the mechanical pencil again in a new mood.

++++++++++

"If that is."

Awashima-sensei announced with the ringing of the doorbell.

They all responded at once. A great chorus of "Yes!" echoed through the classroom.

"Turn over the answer sheet."

She placed her answer sheet on the stack of paper that came from behind and turned it forward.

Awashima received it, counted the number, and confirmed it. And when she finished, she looked around and smiled.

"Yes. Good work."

"Good luck! The test is over!"

The screams increased. She too took a breath and sank down on the desk.

After all, the math was difficult. She was not good at it. The last problem, she could not write it, although the final score would be high.

When she was narrowing her eyes, Kamamoto's voice, "How did it go, Yata-san?", jumped into her ears.

(Oh yeah! Yata-kun!), she thought.

She snapped her eyes open and woke up.

And when she got up on the same impulse, she went with Yata and the others.

"How was it? Do you think you can pass?"

"Oh, maybe it's okay."

Kamamoto smiled. Looking at Yata, he was a bit confident.

"What about, Yata-kun?"

"No! No, that..."

When she looked into Yata's eyes, he blushed a little and walked away.

But soon, he coughed, "Well, I was able to write more than usual... I have hope."

"Really?! So..."

"Well, I hope it goes well. But, I think it can be avoided."

"Hooray! That's good! You did the best you could!"

They didn't have the result yet, but she was relieved. She didn't want Yata to be banned from the bar.

When she clapped her hands, Yata flashed a goofy smile, "Oh!"

That was irresistible and she warmed her chest.

"Oh that's right. Hey, Yata-kun. This morning's email…"

"......!"

She was worried about it since morning, but she finally asked a question that she couldn't ask because she thought it shouldn't disturb his concentration on the exam.

At that moment, Yata patted her on the back and his overreaction made her narrow her eyes. That? That reaction.

In fact, when she woke up this morning, she was surprised to receive an email from Yata.

Because he, until today, he almost always responded to her emails, but Yata never spoke first. That day for the first time, Yata sent her an email. She had been impressed since the morning.

But that was a slightly confusing email.

There was no topic or text. It was just an email with a photo of the crepe shop attached. She at first she thought it was a wrong email.

Because she knew him well, Yata wasn't very good at sweets.

It was strange to think of Yata sending her a photo of a crepe shop. She felt something was wrong.

So, she thought about asking what happened after the test was completed, so she put it on hold... Hmm? Wasn't that a mistake?

"Email?"

Kamamoto tilted his head and looked at her.

When he spoke to him because he didn't want to say something, Kamamoto turned his gaze to Yata, "Did you send it?"

"Well, well!"

Yata stepped out of Kamamoto's line of sight and said that.

(Oh, after all, he sent it to me. Not a mistake.), she thought.

What did that mean?

Suddenly, she put her finger on her lips and thought.

(That email. What if he couldn't write the topic or the text?)

What if attaching a photo was the best thing the shy Yata could do in front of a girl?

Oh, maybe that was it?

"……!"

Her heart made a loud noise.

Ah, she wished it were so.

But what if it was different? If it was a coincidence? She was thinking too much.

(But what if…? In this case…), she thought, and her face turned red.

Was it okay to say that? If it was different, it would be a shame, but... but!

She clenched her hands tightly and looked at Yata.

"Oh, that... if you want, can you take me? No, I want to go!"

"……!"

Yata turned his back on her at her words and looked away.

When she laughed again, his cheeks turned bright red as she looked at him. She then she thought that she was not wrong, (Ah! It can't be! Yes, that was it!).

She ducked involuntarily, hugging her knees.

"What?! Konohana-san?"

She couldn't raise her face at Kamamoto's voice of surprise. Because her ears were bright red and she could understand him.

(Oh, I get it! Yata-kun is great and I like him!), she thought.

Even though he wasn't good at talking to girls, he emailed her and everything.

Of course, inviting a girl must have been a huge hurdle for Yata.

Yata, who wasn't good at sweets, went to the trouble of looking it up and bravely emailed her, right? She always wanted to see it, and she could have Kamamoto translate it!

"Eh? What's wrong? Yata-san. What happened to Konohana-san?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything."

"Huh? What's wrong? Am I the only one in the group?"

"Shut up. You have to keep up with yourself."

Eh? There, Kamamoto always goes where Yata went, but...

"But no. If so, okay?"

"Huh? Hey, Konohana-san."

Face down, she shook her head and refused to explain.

"Yes?"

It wasn't that hard to tell, was it? "I invited you to a crepe shop.", "I invite you.", is a story that can be done, right? Also, if she went to the crepe shop later, she could make a rough guess, right? Still, she didn't want to say why.

Yata invited her, she wanted to keep that impression.

It could be for a short time, but she wanted to keep it.

She knew Yata was embarrassed, but when she saw him refuse to talk to Kamamoto in the same way, she even felt the same way. She also tickled her and she was happy.

That "happy" accumulated and he made her happier. Yata was amazing. She felt sorry for Kamamoto, who kept it a secret.

Oh, but after all, she wanted Yata, who had the courage to send that photo, to be with her.

++++++++++

"Hey, how about the crepe shop?"

"It was delicious!"

With a big smile on his forehead, Kusanagi said, "I'm glad."

"That's why the three of us are late. I see, it's too early to be relieved."

"Of course. You know that, right?"

"I don't know. I don't think so when I see him frolicking behind me."

Yata, Kamamoto and everyone else were talking about the athletic festival around the couch where Suoh was sleeping.

It's basically a class competition, but after all, there seems to be a competition that uses skills to compete between special clubs, and they were all on fire.

Above all, the extreme tag game that takes place at the end of all competitions, it is a competition that can be said to be the flower form of the school athletic festival, and it seems to be very exciting.

Everyone was motivated to beat the blue club this year.

"Saya-chan, will you participate?"

"Eh?"

Suddenly, Kusanagi said that to her and looked back.

"……?"

"Sports day. If you go to the competition as a member of the red club, yes."

At Kusanagi's words, everyone stopped talking and looked at her.

"Eh, what?"

She notices that everyone's eyes were shining as if they were saying, "Let's do it!", and she shook her head hastily, also with both hands.

"Yes, yes, refrain!"

"Eh? Why? Do it!"

"Chitose-san. No, I refrain from doing it! I'm afraid of competitions that use my abilities. I can't control them."

In the first place, she had never tried to develop her abilities on her own. She didn't want to use them at all, but just hung out.

Did they want her to use her abilities voluntarily when she didn't even know what her abilities are? What a terrifying thing. Just thinking about it made her shiver.

"I don't know what will come out in the first place, so there's a good chance it won't work."

"Oh, never mind. I'll keep helping you..."

Yata's little cough made her eyes widen.

"It did not matter?"

Even having seen that pillar of fire, the stone pavement that was sandwiched between them, the broken grip strength meter, and the broken recording board, she was surprised that Yata could say that normally.

She really couldn't tell him anything.

Wasn't Yata afraid of him? Doesn't he think she will ever hurt him?

She didn't want him to be afraid of her. Of course, she didn't want him to avoid her.

She was very happy that he treated her like a "normal girl".

She was so happy that she trembled, but still she responded.

"But I don't know what will happen..."

Still, she was afraid to "use" her abilities voluntarily. It could affect the competition and the athletic festival itself. Especially if she hurt someone.

When she shook her head and looked at Yata, Yata coughed, "Oh, I get it.", and turned his back on her.

"No, if you don't like it, no. I'm not trying to force you. But if you're enjoying school life, join us."

"Join..."

"Oh, I'll help you. I'll follow you as much as I can."

"Ah..."

A word spoken without hesitation.

Maybe he wasn't very smart, but he was warm and kind and cool.

Although he looked closely at what she had done, he was able to say it without a small bet.

The masculine side of him was great.

(Oh, I see. I'm so happy!), she thought.

"Yes, thank you. Ordinary competitions are aggressive. Oh, that's right. Let's take first place in class grades, Yata-kun. I'll do my best too. I'll enjoy it!"

Rubbing away the burning dependency, she regained her composure and clenched her fist.

"Let's get the trophy! Yata-kun, you can win right?"

With expectations, she looks directly at him.

Looking back over his shoulder, Yata shook his head with his usual awkward smile.

"Leave it to me."

++++++++++

Sports festival. Joyful cheers filled the playground.

It was an ideal sunny day for a sports festival. The blue sky was tinged with cloudless blue. She was cheerful enough to sweat even if she didn't move.

Without disappointing the expectations of the class, Yata participated in quite a few competitions and was producing good results.

She never tired of looking at Yata, who was running like the wind.

Speaking of not getting tired of looking, Suoh was also looking. He had a completely different attitude than Yata.

What's the point of walking calmly, he wasn't even running? Burning obstacles in an obstacle course? Very surreal.

Kusanagi took a break from the store and came with a large package. She was surprised not to know that. Oh, but the rice balls and omelette were delicious! Why was everyone's lunch box so delicious?

The appearance of installing a video camera on a tripod was like someone's parents, and she laughed with Totsuka.

But it seems like he was filming with a lot of energy, and he really wanted to see it with everyone at HOMRA.

"Next is the final competition. It is an extreme tag team game against special club activities."

That was the announcement that echoed down the hall. She closed the cap on the mineral water she was drinking and hurried back to the cheering seat for the special club activities.

"Oh, come here, Konohana-san."

Totsuka, who noticed her, motioned for her to come with him.

She sat next to him and looked at the executive committee that was cleaning up.

"Speaking of which, I was wondering, but what is extreme etiquette?"

"Hmm? Oh, the one in last place wins the competition."

Eh? What was that? Kill each other or something?

In response to the answer that was diagonally above her expectations, she instinctively looked at Totsuka in confusion.

"Eh?"

What did that mean?

"Specifically, it's a competition where five players from the special club are sent to compete. One of the five is wearing a special club color ribbon. If it is stolen, or if it is undone, if it is burned, if it is cut... Anyway, if they take it out of your head, you will lose."

"Hey..."

"The remaining four people protect the people who are hovering anyway. So, surprisingly, it's a competition where strategy is more important than skill."

"I see. Well, maybe."

"That's right. I'm a bit weak at that. It seems that the blue club has won many championships even in the past. That's because it is controlled like an army."

Sensing what she meant, Totsuka smiled.

That's right, uh...?

"Oh, that? I think the silver club had three members in the first place. But is it a competition where five representatives are selected?"

"Oh, the silver club will not participate. Last year there were fewer people. The silver club just marks the beginning of each year."

Eh? Was that so?

"Oh, hey, does it start?"

Shiro came out with a smile and turned the starter pistol towards the sky.

After a moment, he rang out a loud electronic sound signaling the start of the competition.

The players all began to move at the same time. A great ovation enveloped them.

"No matter how many times I see it, that rabbit is surreal."

"That's right. But Yata will go."

Yata, the commander of the red club unit, rushed straight into the enemy camp.

There was no strategy. Really, it was attacking directly from the front.

Kamamoto and Chitose followed.

Suoh didn't move.

He stood silently and stared at Munakata, the leader of the blue club.

"Ah. okay!"

Everyone around him raised their fists and shouted loudly.

When she turned his gaze towards Yata, Yata also struck a gutsy pose with the best smile. Apparently, he managed to burn the rabbit-faced headband.

He had a cheerful expression. Immediately, he brought his lips together, harbored a fierce flame in his eyes, and plunged into a new enemy.

"......"

She was fascinated with him.

He do not doubt it and challenge from the front, facing the enemy directly.

There was no alteration of the plan, nor any calculation. He didn't even think about winning.

He just believed in himself and his friends, and ran.

His appearance was very stringy.

To her, who had run away from various things, he looked very bright.

She intensely yearned for him.

(Oh, he's amazing. Amazing! Yata-kun is amazing!), she thought.

"The green club, left! The rest are from the red and blue club! This year was also a unique match!"

The announcement heated the place even more.

Then, turning his back on the comment, Yata started running towards the blue club, who was solidifying his defense.

The opponent was the blue club, which is good at tactics and strategy. Involuntarily she breathes, then clasp her hands and pray that Yata won't get hurt and will win.

Yata's hand was engulfed in flames and the members of the blue club held his swords.

Five beautiful leaves that roared in the sunlight.

She was surprised at how sharp they were, she got up and yelled.

"Yata-kun!"

At that moment, Yata's flame swelled tens and hundreds of times. It grew big enough to burn the skies, swelled up like a living being, and attacked the blue club.

"……!"

The blue club took a breath and faced a sudden attack that was completely different from what they expected.

That momentary delay was fatal. The flame burned the headband.

"Ah! Wah?!"

The scorch broke and fell to the ground without a sound.

"The winner is the red club."

Big applause in the hall at the exciting announcement.

Everyone in the red club stood up and raised a voice of joy.

"I did it! Saya-chan! I did it!"

"Yes! You won!"

Everyone clapped and rejoiced.

"Yata-kun! Great!"

"You did it! Yata!"

Kamamoto and Chitose ran towards Yata, who was somewhat confused.

Yata, who was hugged, looked at Suoh for some reason.

For some reason, Suoh and Fushimi were looking at her.

Beside her, who noticed the line of sight and tilted his head, Totsuka put his finger on his chin and narrowed his eyes.

"I see."

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[biopsychs]

This semester has been my busiest yet (hence no posts in a while) and now it's almost done! I'm going to update on some things that have happened over the past month or so below, but I also want to acknowledge how stressed I have actually been and how little sleep I've gotten. So, I am trying my best to find balance and make time for self care. Even though I have a lot of good things going on, I think it's important for people in the studyblr community to recognize when stress is harming, not helping, them. Like ya ignoring my mental and physical health helped me get things done, buuut it doesn't feel good and is certainly not sustainable.

Updates:

- Almost ready to submit my first abstract to a conference!! It's all written up, we just need to run stats since we finished running participants this week.

- I'm super close to submitting an ethics application for a study I'll be running next semester (but uh 500 participants minimum with two hours of testing time each is going to take so long)! I also created consent and debriefing forms and the demographic questionnaire we're going to use.

- My community psych class is all done and I'm going to miss it so much. I presented earlier in the week for my group poster project about sense of community athletes forced to retire due to injury. Group projects are great when everyone in the group is excited to contribute! My prof is one of my favourite people ever. She was amazing at generating class discussion and connecting with students. Her office is near where I hold office hours so all semester she's come by to talk to me. I did really well on the last midterm and she literally ran over to show me my test, complete with a sticker on top (more profs should put stickers on tests and assignments imo)

- There's a new prof in my lab and she took the time to chat with me (during my office hours as well, bc her office is in the same hallway) and offer to help me if I ever needed anything!

- Ran a review session for the class I TA for and answered a bunch of student questions in my last office hours! It's really cool to see how I was in the same place as these students last year, studying hard for the final, and now I'm the one actually teaching and helping them!!

- I have a lot of studying to do for my psychopathology final, but it has been such an informative and inspiring class! On the last day of class today, my prof had one of her clients come in to speak about her ongoing experience with PTSD. It was really clear how the severity of her functioning was exacerbated by the negative/lack of social support in her life and other external factors. Anyways, it honestly is so brave and inspiring for my prof's clients to speak to an entire class about their experiences and really puts all my book knowledge into context.

[consistent-self-destruction]

i never really post positive things on here so here's something!

i'm finally feeling really hopeful, excited, and motivated for my second semester of college :)

i don't even wanna talk about my academic performance last sem.. but this sem i have a lot of renewed hope and i think it's because falling so far away from myself allowed me to understand my needs better and identify what things do and do not work for my success and wellbeing. so for a moment, i'm just gonna talk about all the things i'm looking forward to!

first, i'm looking forward to just the new opportunity for success in general. where i failed last sem is that as hard as i tried to stay organized - time felt constantly beyond my control. so i'm looking forward to try and take hold of my own time this semester. i'll make a master list of important dates, deadlines, and assignments and learn to plot out times for certain assignments and projects so that i'm not overwhelmed. it'll help with diminishing my procrastination to not only remind myself of deadlines, but specifically outline how much work to do each day. i'll a lot study days and times instead of just winging it and taking it day by day which i've learned only makes me feel lost and like i'm constantly running to catch up. i'm excited to prepare myself better to manage my time most efficiently so that i can excel in my classes :) and knowing that i'll feel more prepared makes me excited for study days because i know that i'll feel productive and on top of my priorities! i'm excited to better learn and study spanish and feel confident in my progress. im not so excited about math, but i'm excited for the productivity it'll make me feel. i'm very excited for my pilates class! something about the health aesthetic surrounding the concept of pilates feels very motivating :) i'm excited for the productivity of studying human anatomy and im especially excited for my soul voices class! not only does it cover a core credit but i've vsited that class before and the choir is INCREDIBLE and the energy that the director curates is absolutely magical and so safe and comforting. it's going to be a great class to reground myself when i need it. plus i already have friends in there! i'm so excited eeek. and also just excited to SING AGAIN !!! <333

continuing onnnn, im excited about the layout of my schedule (fingers crossed it gets approved!) because everything is spaced out so it wont be super overwhelming or overstimulating. there's a lot of room to time manage and i'm excited for that opportunity to build good time efficiency habits. i'm excited to spend my time focusing on school, and the focusing on myself when i need to - taking care of myself physically, pursuing creative endeavors, but also playing games and sleeping when i need a mental break. i'm also happy because being prepared and staying on top of priorities will also make me feel less guilt for going to school clubs and events :)

what else what else what else. i'm excited to make money by helping my mom with her business and also selling my own art! and that'll be for the rest of winter mostly. the rest of winter is for focusing on school work, myself, and my money. then the weather is gonna get warmer! and i'm SUPER excited for that because i'm already imagining the beach days, and days where i just chill with friends on the big lawn, studying outside, CYPHS!, and just so much sun <3 i cant wait to bloom with spring and feel alive again. i cant wait to build better habits and become a better student and be better to myself and my dreams. i cant wait for how rewarding it will feel once sun and skirts season rolls around and i can bask in it with pride for how far ive come.

2023: i beg. please please please bring me nothing but focus focus focus, motivation, money, energy, peace, and ease. let me try again and please let me succeed. i'm doing my best. don't let my hope go to vain. i want to be a better student and i will be. i want to have financial independence and i will. i want to overcome old habits, evolve, grow, and enjoy the fruit i bore. i want to feel pride. i will, with my gall and your grace.

- 1.10.23 | 3:54 AM -

[agentstarkid]

how are you doing? physically and mentally. this is just a check up from a moot, you don’t have to answers if not comfortable <3

hiii love!!!! well fisically i'm feeling tired right now, today was a busy day 😅 also driving stresses me tf out and it was scorchingly hot today buuut today was my first day back to my classroom after 2 years of online classes so i'm really excited because it's my second-to-last semester! 🥳

mentally there's good days, bad days and days were i just feel numb yk? i have a lot of things going on atm but i'm pulling through and i keep remembering myself that i need to keep moving foward because i have a lot of plans that i'm not gonna reach with a bad mindset, that nothing bad last forever, that there's always a good thing in bad situations and there's always a lesson to learn from those moments even if they are so hard to find!

thank you so much for asking, bestie! 💖 i hope you're having an awesome day ‼️✨