#i'm doing my best to discuss his motives neutrally

[daenysx]

hi bby, could i request jealous modern!aemond?😊

i tried my best but i feel like everything was better in my head, i hope i managed to get things right with the words <333 thanks for requesting

modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader

-aemond needs to get you back.

cw; kinda like exes to lovers, jealous!aemond, aemond being an idiot and he's sorry for that, criston cole in his own warning, reader's shorter than aemond, mentions of alcohol, kissing, aemond being desperate to get you back, also he's a sad fool and he accepts that, suggestive towards the end but nothing descriptive, title is a hozier lyric

wc; 2k

i'll crawl home to her

aemond likes to think he's good at controlling his emotions. at least he can keep his face neutral, he doesn't let people know what he thinks.

that turns out to be a lie, though, the moment he sees a guy behind the bar stool you sit.

he relaxes his fists. you're not his girlfriend. he has no right to feel jealous over your affections. who's that guy, anyway? how can he be bold enough to talk to you like this, leaning to the bar with his arm almost wrapped around you? aemond hates the idea of someone being braver than him. he fucking despises the idea of you giving a smile to that- that asshole.

"you okay?" cole asks, his glass almost empty in his hand. he follows aemond's gaze and, boom. just like he guessed.

"of course, i'm okay." aemond replies, coolly. there's no logical reason behind his real emotions.

"if you keep staring like that, she will notice."

aemond turns to him sharply. his gaze is burning, almost feels like crying or something worse than that. "i'm not staring."

"if you say so." cole shrugs. he's got worse problems than dealing with aemond's jealousy to be honest. he knows aemond will never admit what's happening in truth.

"do you- do you know who that is?" aemond asks, not that he thinks cole can actually know a random guy at the bar. he tries to fill the stupid silence between them, change the subject after that, storm out when he finishes his drink. he despises the pathetic situation he unwillingly put himself into.

"do i know the guy who's flirting with your ex-girlfriend?" cole pretends to think. "um- no, i don't actually."

the mention of you burns his chest. it's because of the whisky, he tells himself. keep your cool, keep your cool. don't let them know anything.

"it doesn't matter, anyway." he says, feeling like a desperate fool.

"no, it doesn't." cole agrees. aemond can sense his mocking, his tendency to talk boldly tonight. cole isn't like that usually. "because you are not together anymore."

"we're not."

"because you let her go." cole continues, takes a sip from his glass. "it was quite stupid of you if you ask me."

"i didn't ask you, cole."

"no, no, but just- what were you thinking when you decided to break things off with her, hmm? what was the motivation behind it?"

"you're going too far."

"i'm not." cole says. "you just can't face with your own decisions."

"fuck off." aemond stands up, getting his jacket. "you don't even know what you're talking about. didn't ask your damn opinion about my love life, did i?"

"just admit you failed, aemond. lost the one good thing about you." cole speaks calmly after him. "you'd do all of us a great favor."

aemond walks away. there's no need for drunken arguments tonight, he's certainly not in the mood for discussing his past decisions. he can't help a brief look on your seat, though. you're not there. he didn't see you leaving, he can't see your jacket or that sparkly purse you love so much. the guy stays where he is, chatting with his friends. where are you?

"oh!" someone shorter than him almost collapses with his chest. "aemond?"

aemond wishes you to not look so pretty with that smudged eye make up and- his fucking favorite color on your lips. what kind of strength should he have to not kiss you against the wall when you're looking at him through those glossy eyes? he takes a step back, an apology ready on his lips.

you beat him through it. "sorry." you say, blinking your pretty eyes. "didn't see you there."

"no, it's okay." he collects himself before doing something stupid. "i was walking too fast."

you nod, your purse in your hand and your jacket thrown on your shoulders. you don't look drunk, maybe just tipsy. turning your back to him, you keep walking your way, out of the club. running into your ex-boyfriend shouldn't stop you from going home.

aemond thinks of the guy back there. you're not together with him, are you? he's not with you right now, he doesn't call a cab, and you don't look like you're waiting for anyone. that must be a relief. it doesn't feel like it, though. aemond is certain anyone who sees you would fall for your charms, that guy was no exception. all the hypothetical men get into his head. fuck them all.

"are you alone?" he asks you, foolishly. you nod. no words for him. why would you bother?

"i can- my car is over there if you-"

"i don't want anything from you, aemond."

okay. he deserves this. he knows he deserves this.

"it's late." he says. "i know you don't want anything to do with me, but i can at least-"

"i said no." you cut him. "you don't have to pretend to care."

you start walking in the cool breeze of night air. it feels nice on your face. aemond follows you like he's lost, like he doesn't know where to go without you. "can we talk?" he asks, his voice is softer than the last time you talked. "please?"

"there's nothing to talk about." you tell him, looking at him briefly.

"i made a mistake." he says like he's pleading. the alcohol gets him, his lips move on their own. he keeps telling himself he won't regret anything he tells you right now. he's not drunk, that means they are all real. "i made many mistakes. letting you go was the worst of them."

"that sounds like an interesting story." you say, sarcastically. "would you like to continue? i'm sure people on the street will enjoy your freak show."

he has no explanation for this but your attitude turns him on.

"i saw you with that guy." he says.

"you really should stop talking now." you say. "you're being pathetic."

"no, i-" he can get on his knees and beg. he's cursing his past self, cursing his stupid decisions. "please."

"please, what?" you get angrier each second. this is not a game you'll be playing with him. "do you realize how stupid you sound?"

"of course i do." he answers with a slight pout. "i just need you to see- to understand how terrible it makes me feel, to- to see you with another guy and not being able to do anything about it-"

"no need to be so selfish." you say, calmly. "i'm not your anything. you cannot react like this every time we run into each other by chance."

"i regret it." his legs can give up any second now. he begs for something divine to help him out of his misery. "i regret everything i did. i never should have let you go."

your heartbeat gets quicker with anger and adrenaline. the fact that you're still hopelessly in love with him does nothing to calm your nerves. he doesn't deserve your love. you will not accept anything he says until he proves he's worthy. you try to control your breath, stop your hands from shaking. he has no right to do this, you remind yourself.

"it's too late." you say. "you don't deserve to get everything back after you let them go like the way you did."

he looks at you so sweetly, you have to swallow and look away. he's fond of that attitude of yours, how you put yourself first after he hurt you, and his chest tightens with the loss of you there but he can't help a wave of affection towards your frowny face and your crossed arms. there's his girl, you're still there, still present with your anger and precise words. he would to anything to get you back.

"i know." aemond agrees, slowly. "i promise, i know- and you're right, whatever you decide to do, you're right."

"are you trying to fix us just because you saw me with another guy?" you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

"no, of course not. not only because of that." he says quickly. "i wanted you back since the first time you walked out. i just didn't have enough courage to talk to you."

"so you're admitting you were being stupid and acting like coward?" you challenge him with two things he hates the thought of being the most.

"it was stupid of me to break up with you." he says slowly. he's gonna have to be a big boy for this. "i was only trying to protect you from my family and- and myself, but i acted cowardly."

"i can protect myself." you say. "i don't need you to decide for me."

"i know that, sweetheart." he smiles. it's a tiny move on his lips, he's always so fond of your independent nature. "i apologise for not speaking things clearly."

it's your turn to smile. you take a step towards him, he stays still. the top buttons of his shirt expose his neck nicely, the chain you got him hanging there. he never let you go. he was only being an idiot. you think you want him back. he can fix his own idiocity by himself, but you want him back.

"what do you want?" you ask with a kind voice like you're teasing. you're not teasing, not in the least but he doesn't know that, does he?

"i want you to be my girlfriend again." he says, straightening his posture. his shoulders are high, his neck long. he feels like a dragon ready to fight for you. "if you'll have me."

you push him softly against the wall behind him and cup his cheeks. he accepts the kiss greedily, changing positions so that your back is against the wall. he makes a rightful mess of your lipstick, his hands on your waist and on the back of your neck. you close your eyes. his scent hits your senses so well, your hand goes to his shoulder to pull him closer.

you break the kiss. "you cannot do the same thing again, okay? you cannot leave me and come back, you cannot think for my place and make my decisions when it comes to you and our relationship."

"okay." he says, his eye closed and his lips following your mouth. "i promise."

"good." you say, pull him for another kiss. it's only been two weeks but you missed him. he feels safe like this, and familiar with his body pressed against yours against the wall of a club. the darkness of the night covers you, your sparkly purse is the only thing that can be seen from a distance.

aemond kisses you like he's been out of breath for so long. he's been a desperate fool for days but now it's over. everything gets clear when he gets you like this, his mind free of worry and anger, all those devilish thoughts that bother him. he's content with his place, he doesn't have to pretend he's okay. it's all real.

"by the way-" you start saying between two lovely kisses. "that guy back there already has a lover named charles. you didn't have to worry about him anyway."

aemond laughs and it's a real laugh, not one of the fake ones he has to throw into aegon's or cole's face. you smile and he kisses your cheek. you hold his hand, he squeezes your fingers.

"i like your dress." he changes the subject, leading you to his car. "is that new?"

"of course it is." you answer, cheekily. "my boyfriend decided to be a jerk for no reason and i had to keep myself busy with something."

aemond had no idea the night could turn into something amazing when he first agreed to come here with cole. he can't keep his hands off you, kisses you against the car this time. he's gotta find a way to make up for the time he made you lost. kissing you and getting you your favorite drink on the way home might be a good start.

he gives you a silent promise to atone his sins between your legs in the following hours.

[the-banana-0verlord]

hihihi how do you think azul would react to MC who clearly has a crush on him AND takes interest in business/studied it in their own world??

okay so first of all i'm very sorry for delaying this and my other requests for months. I was going through a massive writer's block, but it got a bit better recently so I took the opportunity to write a lot while i had the motivation to. If you see this (cause it's anon and i don't think it notifies when an anon ask is answered) i hope you like it!

How Azul would react to the Reader having a not-so-secret crush on him

Notes: Gender-neutral reader

🐙🐙🐙

🐙Hrgnnn mutual pining he'S as in love with you as you are with him, he's just better at hiding it. 🐙You're the first person to be actually be invested in his business, not just using him to their advantages. 🐙He gladly goes to you for advice when he struggles with managing the Monstro Lounge. 🐙He might do it even if he doesn't need advice, he just wants to hear you explain something to him (and you're glad to do it, too.). 🐙Long nights where you discuss menus, seatings and budgets are the best parts of his weeks. 🐙Problem is, no matter the amount of pining there is, none of you can guess the feelings of the other, so you never confess. 🐙But the Tweels are getting real impatient. No one would blame them if they just accelerated things a bit, right? 🐙They're playing the good old trick of sending the both of you a (fake) letter coming from the other telling them to meet up, on the beach after school. 🐙When you get there, there's no one. After school is pretty vague, though, so you decide to wait a little. you take off your shoes and you dig your toes in the sand. 🐙Then, Azul arrives. All goes well, and you both confess. That is, until you mention the letter "he" sent you. 🐙"Letter? I have written no such things, he says. I believe it is rather you that has left me this note. -I didn't? But then, who did..." 🐙Suddenly, the sea beside you starts getting troubled and a huge slippery teal tail comes out and pushes you in the merman's arms. 🐙When you look, you realize that the origin of this incident was Floyd in his merform, accompanied by a chuckling jade. 🐙Azul goes after them, cussing them out, while you laugh. You'll probably have to get used to this if you were going to date Azul.

🐙🐙🐙

I hope you enjoyed! Have a good day/night!

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Clarification before I attempt further discussion. Once again,

Y'ALL MAY I HAVE YOUR INTERPRETATION:

SO YOU THINK THIS WAS JOKE - MEANT AS AN INSULT OR NOT?

Why I ask -

I've been discussing Peter B. Parker a lot lately and the motive behind some of his actions, and notably throughout the post I mentioned Hobie disliking or even hating Peter.

And yeah, that's kind of what I assumed, based on this line.

But some people I've been talking with have expressed the exact opposite - they believe this line shows that he does like Peter, and that he meant it completely as a joke.

And Hobie does joke a lot, he's a warm guy - but why would he call Peter a 'Humbling Reality' - and is that meant as an insult, or a welcome to a friend?

If I'm correct, this line is the ONLY line Hobie ever speaks towards Peter.

So did you think he meant it as an insult? Or a friendly joke?

Here's why I took it as an insult:

'Humbling Reality Spider-man', MayDay, and why I think Hobie and Peter aren't friends at all.

First, Hobie makes no other deprecating jokes AT ALL throughout the movie.

Hobie is a very casual, very laidback guy (most of the time..) - and he's known to joke around with the people he's close with. But when we look back at all his other jokes - NONE of them approach anywhere near as neutral or negative as being a 'Humbling Reality'.

Hobie affectionately calles Gwen 'Gwendy'. And he even calls Miles 'Peter Pan', despite not knowing them. Pav is 'Madlad Pav' etc.

No one else but Peter gets this kind of..I don't know.. backhanded? I never took 'Humbling Reality' as a good thing, I took that as being 'so depressingly average and mundane'.

And being average and mundane is not something Hobie would call someone he's particularly fond of.

Even those he feels neutral on - Miguel and Jess, he doesn't address this was. He just chooses not to engage with them.

Hobie had every chance to walk into Miguel's lair and make a comment like this, but he didn't.

To me that showed that Hobie's feeling towards Peter differs from his feelings towards people like Jess and Miguel as well as Pavi and Gwen.

Hobie calls people pet-names. This doesn't seem like a pet-name

Second, Tone.

I don't know, I always read this tone as unusually dry for Hobie.

Usually when making jokes so deadpan, he's speaking about a situation, not a person ("It's a metaphor for capitalism." / "A bit much, innit?"). And even when speaking to Jess, his tone is more casual than this line to Peter.

We see how Hobie approaches someone like Pav, which clear excitement, warmth and proximity. But this is completely absent towards Peter.

Hobie makes no attempt to move towards Peter or further greet him in anyway.

Third, Peter's Reaction.

Hobie says that line LOUD. You hear the echo.

And Peter just ignores him. He doesn't laugh, he doesn't look at Hobie, he doesn't mention him at all in the scene.

And that's not to say 'oh, Peter secretly hates Hobie and wants to ignore him' -

I just think that Peter didn't take that as a full-on joke. Or rather he didn't expect a warm welcome from Hobie. Because they aren't close.

Throughout the whole scene Peter ONLY addresses Gwen and Miles.

While Hobie says one line to Peter - one that isn't even clearly that friendly - Peter says nothing to him, not even stopping to pat his shoulder.

Based on the fact that Hobie and Peter are BOTH touchy, I feel like that in itself shows that they aren't friends. Both of them are the type to greet their friends when they enter a room, but neither do. Not properly anyway.

They seem to be acquaintances at best - or with my assumption that this was an insult, less than that.

I mean, Hobie is still a teen, he's still a friend of Gwen's. Peter has every reason to treat him warmly, or openly greet him.

But Peter makes no attempt at all to be like "Hey Hobie, what's going on."

Whether or not you think Hobie hates him is one thing, but I feel like Peter's reaction, and how he disregarded the comment without being shocked or responding in any way shows:

Hobie has said stuff like this to him before, and it's not too shocking

Him and Hobie aren't nearly as close as him and Gwen, and they aren't friends enough to greet each other.

Hobie & MayDay

I've also seen it mentioned that Hobie's connection with MayDay shows that him and Peter are friends.

And I can absolutely see where that conclusion comes from, and it holds weight. I just..kinda have to disagree on the basis that even if Hobie openly disliked Peter, that dislike wouldn't extend to MayDay

Even moreso, If Hobie didn't like Peter, but took good care of MayDay, and MayDay very clearly liked Hobie - which she does (she jumps into his arms, Hobie doesn't pick her up) - then Peter does not seem like the type of father to separate them.

Notice how every time Miguel or Miles is holding MayDay, Peter is talking to them, commenting on how they're holding her, showing them stuff. But when Hobie is with MayDay...nothing. He says nothing to him.

It even goes farther.

When Peter is showing Miguel, Gwen, and Miles photos of MayDay, he makes no attempt to show Hobie.

We know Hobie loves MayDay, but Peter doesn't show him photos of her. Despite showing Gwen, Miles, and Miguel, quite excitedly.

Because I'm assuming him and Hobie are NOT close like that. And/or Peter knows Hobie would not appreciate him getting close to him and shoving a phone in his face.

Miguel is clearly annoyed and Peter even shows him, while not approaching Hobie - who is clearly in a good mood.

Once again, I think that shows that Peter and Hobie are not friends, even if Hobie likes interacting with MayDay and does it well.

I assumed that Peter lets her be around Hobie because he trusts Hobie, not that they were friends.

And the final nail in the coffin Peter isn't enthusiastic about MayDay going to Hobie

This is something I JUST realized on a rewatch, but it lines up so well.

So this scene: Peter is getting ready to change MayDay. We see Hobie standing on MayDay's left and Peter on her right.

[LMAOOOOOO LOOK AT HER I'M WEAK]

MayDay swings towards the right of the screen, aka her LEFT - the direction of Hobie. We as the audience don't see what she's attaching her web to. But she has to attach it to something and she's going towards him.

And Peter pulls her back. Doesn't really say anything or look at Hobie, he just pulls her back.

Then, MayDay goes again, this time bouncing herself into Hobie's arms. MayDay chose to go to Hobie - and like I said before, Peter isn't gonna separate them, if that's what May wants.

But that's not the thing - regardless of whether you think MayDay was going towards Hobie or not - in the shot we see Peter puts his hands on his hips, watching Hobie, and he shakes his head at him.

You can go back to the scene and check, because it really is so subtle and I genuinely only caught it while employing my autistic Hobie sight and staring at them intently.

But he does shake his head, letting Hobie have her. I suggest you go watch it back for yourself, but in my eyes Peter's slow headshake doesn't really seem like the 'Oh, you!' type.

In the next shot we see of Miles, Gwen, Hobie and Peter, MayDay is back in Peter's hands and that's the end of the interaction. We don't actually see them speak, only trade off MayDay.

If they did say anything, I'd KILL to know what they're saying cause like...

idk for both of their characters it feels like such an odd interaction to me

The whole scene, both him and Hobie interact with the people around them, except each other.

And it's only after MayDay literally LAUNCHES herself into Hobie's arms that Hobie and Peter even approach or look at each other.

---------

I've spoken at length about why I think Hobie would hate Peter - mainly for his open neglect of Gwen and his failure to step up as her mentor, his betrayal towards Miles, or the fact HE RATTED MILES OUT TO LYLA (how else would she have know to look for his location? That's one analysis I'll STAND on.)

But whether or not you believe Hobie hates him or whether Hobie has the capability to openly hate someone like that (he does.) I feel like everything I said here is a clear indicator that they are not friends or close.

The one on-screen line between them is vague on Hobie's end and completely ignored by Peter. Peter leaves Hobie out of his activities when showing photos. He shakes his head when MayDay fights her way to Hobie, and only looks at him when Hobie is giving MayDay back.

From my first watch, that kinda made me assume that they're just not close - despite them having Gwen in common.

And combining that with the 'Humbling Reality' comment, I took that as a sign that it's not that they don't know each other. They just don't talk like that.

And that made me ask why. Which led to all my other speculations.

But that's just me.

Did ya'll take the 'Humbling Reality Spider-man' thing as joke? Do you think they're friends, or no? (Not if Hobie hates him - just if you think they're friends/close)

What do you think the situation is?

I'm curious. Let's open the floor.

Is they beefin or nah I gotta know cause that would be funny as hell

[half-dead-writer]

|| Best Pals ||

[ John Doe / Joker x masc Reader ]

After John figured out he likes you more than Harley, he's determined to swoon you over. Discreetly, of course.

🌈 || John Doe / Joker [Batman: The Telltale Series] 🌈 || 1,8k words 🌈 || masculine (& mlm) reader

sequel to this. wow ok I wrote like the half in one go some time ago, lost all motivation/inspo, just now finished it altho I still feel like it could be better, I cannot be such a perfectionist or else it will never be posted thank you everyone who was so patiently waiting for the final chapter of my stupid writing 😭 who doesn't know how to end their fics? me. (crossposted from AO3)

"Y/N! Just the face I wanted to see" John's sudden voice behind you caught your attention.

"Oh- Hi John." You quickly responded with a friendly tone, although some hesitance inside was pulling you away from being so casual.

You weren't sure what it was, as the last time you two spoke he quickly left without an explanation and didn't bother to elaborate further. His behavior remained casual, albeit now less irritable by you standing close to Harley. It was as if nothing ever happened. Which only made you even less sure of what you and John were. Well, at least you were aware he thinks of you positively, but that's about it.

"What's up?" You pushed your thoughts about the confusing situation away, instead pointing your focus on his grinning expression.

"I'm glad you asked!" He was quick to respond. "I was just thinking- We haven't hung out much lately, did we?"

"Uh... I guess not?" You remained neutral and casual, but you were curious whether John had a reason to mention it.

"Yeah! You know, we had this whole discussion about me being jealous over Harley and whatnot, and I just wanted to show you that's not a thing anymore." He explained happily, leaving you even more curious. "So- I wanted to celebrate that with some ice cream, maybe? What do you think?" He looked at you with the eyes full of glee, waiting for your approval. He was sure you'd agree.

"Um- Yeah, alright." You shrugged, keen on the idea, yet still unsure of John's true intentions behind the offer. "Why not."

"Great! Let me just get-" He stopped for a second "-my cool guy glasses." He showed you a silly grin as he rushed to his Ha-Hacienda. After a few minutes he came back, now truly looking cool. 

John looked somewhat happier today. Did he really achieve his nirvana when he realized he wasn't in love in Harley anymore, and just wanted you as his best friend?

Well, you weren't about to make things weird by asking possibly awkward questions for the both of you. Things were fine as they were, John didn't hate you, you still got to hang out with him. Nevermind the fact that you were forced to now carry a constant mix of emotions around him.

. . .

"Great, it's all going how I imagined it!" John thought to himself.

He finally got you! He was sure of his feelings now! And it wasn't like with Harley. 

He had a hard time coming to terms with the thought that he did, in fact, liked you more than her. And that you was the reason why he was feeling so miserable all the time. John's feelings might have been a mess past this few weeks where he has been confused, but now he knew it.

You were made for him. And you even said you liked him! Well, you liked boys, you liked John to the point of being best pals... He didn't just wanna assume you're into him, though. That's why he took you out to that pal-hangout. To get some answers. But of course, he didn't wanna make you uncomfortable if you weren't into him at all. That's why he didn't tell you that when he had the chance.

A voice in his head was telling him that there's no way you'd ever love him back, even if "all the clues were pointing to that". But he was determined to proceed with his plan.

While he was babbling about unrelated things, he kept observing you. How you reacted to his jokes, his topics, careful to see if he ever bored you. But seemingly he didn't. You were just casually listening to him, never making him feel not appreciated. That's what he loved about you. He didn't see it sooner, as his usual fixation on people was, well, usual. He couldn't deny that he was starved for attention. His therapist told him that, hence why he didn't wanna assume everyone he likes is whom he loves. But now he was sure his affection for you was greater than previous one he had for Harley.

After a deep, long and meaningful session of thinking to himself, he concluded that he'd rather spend the rest of his life with you than with her. If only you'd reciprocate the feeling...

"Well, here we are!" He proudly pointed to the Café Triste.

"I am dying to get my favorite drink. Coffee, with ice cream. Can you believe what they come up with nowadays?" He said, playfully starting the topic.

You saw him looking at you, smiling politely and amused, yet still casual as ever.

"John, I think it's been a thing for some time now..." You reciprocated the playful remark.

"Damn, Always smart as ever!" He didn't hesitate to give you the compliment and grinned even wider, making you involuntarily smile from lighthearted flattery.

He carefully thought about saying it ever since he left his house. And a day before. Okay, he planned this whole thing from A to Z, ever since he figured out he had a crush on you. There was no room for fails, and so far it's all been going perfectly. 

He saw you shaking your head in amusement, to which he grinned widely and proceeded to finally buy you both whatever you wanted. "His treat".

Once you both received your orders, you sat yourselves at the nearby table. You couldn't deny the meeting felt somewhat like a date, although you quickly shunned yourself for thinking like that - you really didn't want to disappoint yourself if it wasn't.

"Y/N, so, I was thinking... Who's the closest person to you, right now? No, too weird. But I've been told to just be myself, and Y/N likes me for that... What if he doesn't like the true-true me, though?"  The flashbacks from his thinking session kept haunting him as he watched you carefully sit down on the opposite side of the table. He couldn't ignore how much he liked being around you. And he wasn't able to tell if you knew. The fear in his mind about being perceived as too obsessive or "creepy" towards the person he saw as the most precious was slowly eating him out from the inside, which he tried to shut down by casually taking a sip of his drink.

You noticed a smallest change in his demeanor, which wasn't uncommon with John, although you had a feeling he seemed somewhat worried. His gaze was just out of it for a moment, which you could only assume signified that he was in deep thought. After hesitating for a while, you decided to speak your mind. Calmly, of course.

"...Is there something on your mind?" You slowly approached the topic with a soft, patient, and a bit unsure smile.

John rapidly straightened up, almost yelling in response.

"Yes, actually!" His hurried words mixed with the volume made you flinch slightly, you didn't expect him being so open about it - but nothing out of ordinary when it came to John.

"Oh-" You quickly pulled yourself together. "Go ahead then, I'm listening."

You saw his face melt into a mix of anxiousness and giddiness, and by this point, you were at the edge of your seat, awaiting what he's gonna say.

John cleared his throat and started fiddling with his hands.

"So- Y/N, you're not seeing anyone, are you?"

The question stuck in your head for a few moments. You got your hopes up, yet your face looked like a deer in the headlights, which John took as a negative reaction and continued.

"Just asking, out of curiosity- I mean, you can tell your old pal, right?" His rambles started getting quicker. "I- I need it, for a dating advice."

The last sentence made you rethink your thoughts again - was he really asking for a dating advice?

"Uh... no, I'm not seeing anyone." You responded truthfully. "Can I ask how does this relate to, uh, dating advice?"

"Hah, of course, of course-" His focus travelled from his drink, you, to all of the environment around him. "So, you see, I was thinking-"

He stopped talking for a moment to take out something out of his pocket. You carefully watched as his hand pulled out a rectangle shaped object and held it to you closer so you could see it. It was a card with the picture of a door and text under it saying "I A-DOOR YOU".

You tilted your head a little, but the card made you involuntarily smile at how cheesy the line was. Before you could say anything, John quickly intervened. 

"Do you think it would be a good way to show someone you wanna date them?"

"Uh..." You took a moment to respond. "Well, it depends on a person."

John waited a moment before clearing his throat.

"What would you think of it?"

"Personally, I think it's cheesy - cheesy, but cute."

"Okay, that's all I needed to know-" He quickly took the card back into his pocket, making you want to ask what was the point of all of this, but you were interrupted.

"Now, pretend you see it for the first time!" And so the silly thing was on the table again, this time closer, he passed you the card instead of just showing it.

You took it into your hands, processing what happened in every possible way, you weren't sure if you got his shenanigans right - was it for you?

"Well?" The anxious grin plastered on his face made you confirm your thoughts.

"Oh- Is- Do you really, like, like me?" You couldn't help but reciprocate the anxious smile of his, you didn't expect such turn of events, but it was warmly welcomed.

"Yes, buddy!" He beamed, stretching his arms, but there was still a slight hesitation in his voice, since you didn't say you liked him back yet. "Is that, uh-- alright?"

The expression on your face turned playful (or bashful, some could say) as you held onto the object with adoration.

"Shit- I'm not prepared, I don't have a card with me-" You watched as John intently listened to your words, his smile growing even wider - which you weren't sure was possible at this point - and you put the card behind your back, before showing it to him "anew".

"Pretend you see it for the first time." You repeated his words, hoping he'd catch on what you did.

John's face turned into one of a simulated surprise, looking at the card and holding his palms together in a gleeful gesture.

"Oh my, Y/N! It must be destiny, because I feel that way as well!" He played along, already overwhelmed with thoughts about how he's gonna reminisce about this moment for a long time.

[gladstones-corner]

I usually avoid YouTube these days for a multitude of reasons, but recently I discovered a channel called ReligionForBreakfast. The host, Dr. Andrew Mark Henry, is a Ph.D. of Religious Studies from Boston University. He covers a wide range of topics on his channel, but I'm going to focus on just one today: "What is the Best Bible Translation?"

I won't give you a play by play; that would be redundant at best and insulting to his work at worst. Please just give the video a watch--it's about an hour but it's worth it.

Let's lay some groundwork: Dr. Henry focuses primarily on the Protestant Christian Bible, given that there are a proliferation of English translations. By contrast, the Roman Catholic Bible contains one official English translation. He also mentions the major English translation of the Hebrew Bible, the JPS Tanakh.

I was raised in a Protestant Christian family. Therefore, my comments here will mostly reflect my opinions on the Protestant Christian translations. I lack the proper context for the Roman Catholic and Hebrew Bibles, so I won't be commenting on them here.

Okay, with the preliminaries out of the way, let's get started.

It's extremely interesting that Dr. Henry doesn't discredit any of the major translations. Instead, he makes a distinction between translations designed for critical, scholarly Bible analysis and translations designed to impart doctrinal teachings. I'll call these translation camps "critical" and "denominational" here.

No, Dr. Henry remains mostly neutral on the subject of critical and denominational translations. He points out clearly that--except for the KJV--the big modern translations, regardless of camp, were written by biblical scholars using wide-ranging critical techniques.

While Dr. Henry's neutrality is admirable (and definitely from a more experienced place than my own), I elect to be a bit biased on this topic.

Let me be clear: I think that any translation whose authors willingly sacrifice critical, ecumenical interpretation in favor of one or a few denominations' doctrinal teachings is invalid. This includes, but is certainly not limited to, the ESV and NIV.

And now we reach the KJV. Dr. Henry points out in his video that this translation is based on a much older set of scriptures--primarily the Bishop's Bible--and was revised based on the commonly accepted scholarly standards of the day.

While Dr. Henry essentially defends the KJV's existence as "doing the best with what you have", he does point out that it is one of the weakest in terms of accuracy. Again, his choice to remain neutral is admirable--and likely more correct--but I will not do the same.

The KJV is my least favorite translation of the Christian Bible by--at the very least--a country mile. I could devote an entire post to how disastrous the KJV and its consequences have been to global society. However, I'll constrain myself to the following comments: not only was the translation itself politically motivated, but it was based on translations that were also politically motivated. Further, in the last 400 years, our understanding of--and access to--biblical texts has greatly increased, such that the KJV is now an outdated relic.

So, what does Dr. Henry recommend as far as scholarly analysis goes? The NRSV. This is the preferred translation among biblical scholars of the Christian Tradition, whether Protestant or Catholic (the NRSV has editions with the deuterocanon).

The NRSV was translated by a diverse committee of different faiths--even including Harry Orlinski, who was the editor-in-chief of the NJPS Torah. The committee strove for an academic translation that was faithful to the meaning of the text as it existed within historical context while retaining modern scholarly discussion and consensus.

This is my favorite translation of the Christian Bible as well. However, it's not without its own quirks. For example, the move to use gender inclusive language wherever inferred is admirable--for example, when using language for God, or when Paul writes to the members of various churches. But, in some cases the translators erred a bit, obscuring what would normally be a clearer turn of phrase in ancient Hebrew or Koine Greek. But in all honesty, I'd take a translation that erred on the side of inclusivity than exclusivity any day.

At the end of the day, translations of the Christian Bible necessarily must take into account a polyglot's view. Finding the most ancient sources of a biblical text is critical, but most of our contextualization and explanation of these texts happen after the fact, usually through the study of major thinkers.

In the Christian world, that would be people like Augustine, Aquinas, and others; though I would argue that Christians should also read Maimonides and Spinoza, among others, as the Jewish context cannot be lost when reading these texts or else the whole exercise becomes moot.

All of that is to say, I'm cranky over how the Hebrew Bible has been bastardized over the years. To a lesser extent I'm cranky over how the Christian Bible--namely the Christian New Testament--has also been shredded and bastardized to fit narrow, bigoted viewpoints.

But as an armchair scholar, I'm so glad there are people out there like Dr. Henry who make centuries of biblical analysis and teaching easier to digest. They help me overcome several hurdles that I would have absolutely tripped over in my research--even to the point of wanting to give up (trust me, I've been there once or twice with Augustine).

Thank you for reading. As always, stay safe and stay tuned. Blessings to you and yours~

[homestuckreplay]

EOA1 - Character Opinions

I think it'd be fun to do a quick roundup of how I'm feeling about each major character at big milestones in the comic (such as ends of acts), to see if these opinions change over time. So far I think we have six characters and one vague, looming force of indeterminate sentience to discuss.

Love

John Egbert - I loved this kid since I saw his silly little grin on p.3 when we got his name right, and he's still my favorite character. He's a mystery, an enigma, but he's not trying to hide anything, he simply hasn't figured out who he is or what he wants. He has simultaneously the best and worst taste in media and sense of humor. He loves computers but knows fuck all about them. He finally got an apple snack after eating nothing but cake all day. He may or may not have arms at any given moment. I could talk about him forever.

Rose Lalonde - Absolute loser dork who doesn't know it and wouldn't admit it anyway. She's so much fun to read about, and honestly, so much fun to totally dunk on. Because of her I checked a 750 page book debunking Freud out of the library. Great taste in animals, cats and eldritch horrors are some of my favorites too. I don't endorse her actions but I'm deeply excited to see what she does next. Saving John from this meteor is going to do insane things for her ego. I love her and I hope her computer gets hacked by the lab.

Like

gardenGnostic - We've only seen them twice (p.110 and p.169) and know near nothing about them but I like their energy, I always like it when someone has a really expressive typing style with lots of punctuation and emojis, and they're clearly excited about John's birthday and him getting their present. Definitely the character I'm most excited to see more of.

Neutral/Mixed

turntechGodhead - I really didn't like him based on his first couple of pesterlogs, he seems like somebody who would call his friends cringe and refer to himself as 'brutally honest' as an excuse to be cruel, and the way he types makes him sound bored all the time. But when he gave John that super thoughtful gift I did see him in a different light. He will probably shift one way or the other when we know him better, but right now I see a spark of goodness that keeps him out of the dislike category.

Dislike

Sburb - Not a character exactly, but somebody made this game, and right now I think they are deeply malevolent and suspicious. I do not trust this game farther than I could throw a cruxite dowel and I do not think whoever created it had good motivations, although I'm uncertain if they are actively, intentionally evil or if they are simply an irresponsible game scientist. The consequences are the same either way. They put my boy John in danger (and probably a whole bunch of other people too).

Hate

None... yet????

Uncertain

John's dad - Literally what the fuck is going on with this clown. Who IS he. Will he please lend me the Serious Jester magazine because it seems like a good read. He writes supportive notes of love and care for his son AND THEN PIES HIM IN THE FACE. What an enigma. He is operating on a plane of existence I cannot access

Rose's mom - I do not consider Rose a reliable source of information <3 so I'm holding judgment until I meet her mom for myself.

[raayllum]

in honour of this post, tags on another of mine i cannot remember that talked briefly about Rayla's issues, and that I've talked about Claudia and Callum's moments of being hypocritical, now I want to actually talk about Rayla's hypocritical tendencies cause it's something S4 and S5 made a fun little consistency - let's dive in

Rayla can sometimes ignore (or react indignantly to) other people possibly having their own reasons/justifications because she's tunnel visioned into only thinking about her own justifications as uniquely warranted

Let me explain

The first time I noticed this was in 2x03, mostly because it was one of those moments that made me laugh even though it's not trying to be funny because

Cause Rayla, honey, you know you lied to them too ("lying and hiding the truth aren't that different") - and Callum forgave you for that and is still your friend. Why would Claudia and Soren be any different to him? (And they are, but not the point of this point).

Now, unlike Soren (who is the person they're primarily discussing), Rayla didn't lie outright, but she did lie by omission - much the same way Claudia did. And Rayla has known her own motivations all along - probably worried they might give up on their mission if they knew (especially at the start), and she doesn't want them to hate her, and most of all by this point in the show, she didn't want to hurt them ("I'm afraid of hurting him" / "when you care about someone, it's hard to hurt them").

This made sense to me in terms of Rayla being good at being initially (often times rightfully, sometimes not so) indignant on her own behalf. She is able to justify herself and does so often, both angrily - as the next examples will show - and more neutrally ("How could I take his life?"). She defends herself both physically and personally to Corvus ("I didn't kill anyone"), she smarts at Callum when he (rightfully) tries to push at her ("I don't have to explain anything to you"), and is mad at Ethari when they initially talk ("Yeah, it's me. Surprised to see my face?"). This initial defense of herself doesn't usually persist and typically gives way to self loathing ("I can fix this" / "I don't deserve your trust, not yet" / "They're right to reject me") but it is there at first and is usually her first reaction, which is very fun.

However, this coupled together with the other two instances arc 2 brings up in terms of her being kind of a hypocrite makes it a pattern, beginning in early season four. (Callum also isn't at his best in early season four, saying he doesn't want to talk about stuff and then bringing it up the next episode to take a jab at her - but he's still dealing with the fallout of the problems she caused, so he absolutely gets more of a pass. As always, see my In Defense of Callum's Narrative Lens from way back in the day if you're interested in more of how his perspectives are portrayed.)

Because gee, Rayla, I wonder whose fault that is? And again, it does make sense that she's angry - she's spent two years just wanting to be with him with none of the messy complex heartbreak he had to go through because she was the one who made the choice to leave. She expected him to at least shout at her, not ice her out completely. And again, we see that initial indignant streak fade when he reiterates he wants to go, and she looks down disappointed, but accepting of it (and puts whether she'll stay or not in his hands, too).

Since she had a good reason for leaving, and it's what her parents did, while she expected anger, she also wants affection and love. Isn't her justification enough, in some ways? Shouldn't it be? And while Rayla wrestled back and forth with this, it's clear she does think that it should be (even if both seasons show she's starting to realize just why she was wrong).

But we do see this hypocritical tendency of hers perhaps pop up most prominently in S5 with Nyx

Again, in Rayla's head, lying and stealing the key wasn't perhaps the right thing to do, but the better thing to do than burden Callum with what she was going through / to be open and vulnerable. It makes sense why she'd do so - and her shot at Nyx gets a tiny pass cause she's technically sticking up for Ezran - but it still falls back on Rayla leaning too heavily on her logic / independent streak to justify actions that are actually counterproductive to having healthy, wilfully open relationships.

And this is something I love about TDP. Even when the characters are genuinely making the worst possible fucking decisions they ever could (hi arc 1 Viren, Claudia and Karim constantly in particular) you completely understand how and why they're justifying those decisions, and Rayla is no different. Doesn't mean they're right, doesn't mean it's not logically stupid or fair or whatever, but it's emotionally consistent, and that's what matters most in the end. And now we have a fun little consistency to add to the pile

[evelhak]

Feeling daring today - Haizaki for the character and ship bingo ;)

Your takes are much more interesting, so there may not be anything illuminating here but I tried. xD

*Non-sarcastically normal. Haizaki is a pretty neutral character when I think about him by myself, I just don't have that special connection to him.

*However I love him when you talk about him and I'm sure I would love him more if I just had an incentive to write about him. But I don't feel anything like that because you're already giving him justice. My brain doesn't really work unless I feel like I have something substantial to contribute, which I don't.

*Haizaki definitely still gets a lot of unjustified hate, because he was framed as a villain and people then interpreted his every action as coming from the worst place imaginable, while other characters' actions get understanding just because they can see those characters' sides but can't see Haizaki's since he wasn't written in a sympathetic way. On one hand, that's fair to me, if your fic needs a villain it makes sense to pick a character whose motivations were not discussed deeply, so you can turn him into as much of a villain as you want, because you have no need to think about that particular character so deeply. However, the rate at which this happens to Haizaki perfectly exemplifies how the same dynamic happens in real life, especially at schools. He has the outward characteristics of the person who is always the easiest to blame. Not that there isn't stuff to blame him for, it's just that when he gets blamed for more than his share, it becomes a vicious cycle. Not to say it would affect his likability to me even if he never grew less violent or got his shit together, because my like and dislike for fictional characters is not based on morality or whether or not I would like that character in real life. 😂 I didn't pay that much attention to him solely because I just overlooked his story as pretty been there done that. Any character depth he has is implied at best, because he's a side character. I would much rather see an actual depiction of the dynamics that get projected onto him. And you are doing that, so, I'm not complaining.

*I do think Haizaki is pretty silly, he's so macho but he's also kind of wishy-washy about it. Like, one minute he can be thundering on like any of the other macho characters but then his line for changing his mind and going like "you know what, not worth it, actually" is much lower. And somehow he gets depicted as pathetic for that, even though it may actually just be common sense and self-preservation.

*Honestly I need to remind myself that Haizaki exists, sometimes. I'm sorry. He just wasn't that compelling to me initially. I didn't demonise him (I'd like to think that I don't demonise anyone) I just wasn't interested enough. I knew there were reasons he acts the way he does but I didn't make actual effort to find out. You've done some good to me, reminding me that my perception is more limited than I would like, because I tend to pride myself for considering everyone's viewpoints. (Not 100% possible, but I try.)

*Well you said it, Haizadick is not an inaccurate term, no matter what way you look at it.

I didn't ship anyone with Haizaki because I didn't think about his life much before talking to you, so...

*Congrats, your Haizaki and his relationships are now basically canon to me. : D

*I just put that second tier text there because I imagine it's where the relationships that last a bit longer would go, and I think Haizaki just has many short relationships before maybe ending up with his end game.

*I mean I assume he has had fun short relationships with many girls.

*And probably many one-night stands.

*I literally just got it in my head that maybe he experimented with a guy once, while I was making this. He seems like a curious type even though I'm kind of assuming he's straight.

*Yeah, I theoretically get why these are ships but no I don't really get it, I would be lying if I said I truly deeply understood it.

I know my shipping tiers are a mix of "I actually root for it" and "I just sort of think it would happen" but that's what you get from me. : D

[macabremoons]

Writeblr Positivity Tag

@hallwriteblr did a post of this tag, and I knew I had to try it out! Doing what they did and putting the blank format underneath the cut!

Gently tagging: @squarebracket-trick, @leisoree, @serenanymph, @immortaladrien, @thesoftestofpetals, and anyone else who wants to join!!!

1. What motivates you to write?

The plot threads I have later down the line in my wips and my characters. Both of these points are really the same. I am excited about the things I have planned because they highlight the characters, and I am excited because my characters for the things I have planned.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

I have to pick just one????? Oh lord.

Undead things aren't supposed to grieve other undead things, and yet so many vampires were now without fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

@mouseinthegreenhouse's Maximilian. They have to put up with my simping sm HIOEWHOIW. It's hard to describe Max in a way that does not boil down his character. He just has this presence that you feel in every page, this captivation. A slow, measured way of speaking where he knows no one would dare interrupt him. Love him to bits.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I haven't really gotten to the editing phase with any of my OG works, so I guess I have to say drafting?

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Character. I try my best to write characters that are analysis worthy. That have a deeper meaning in their existence and that have a lot to say about the world. Of course not all of my characters are as well thought out as others, but when I do put my all into it there is so many intricacies that go into them.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

THE PEOPLE. I LOVE YOU GUYSS. I love seeing your works and hearing your feedback and the tags and the asks. And the mutuals. The mutuals. Getting to know other writers and getting to talk about writing more deeply with them is so much fun.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I use WPS Offcie for my more serious projects. It's like Word, but free, and also not owned by Microsoft. This helps me not write in the middle of the night on Daycycle and work on it healthily. It is the bane and boon of my existence.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Why must you continually make me choose a favorite child? I like how I tackled the elements on daycycle, I suppose. The fact that every element has it's own ideology behind it gives me a lot of freedom with what I can do with it. It also helps me say a bunch of stuff with it! And I enjoy making none of the elements good or evil but keeply neutral with their own psychological behavioral patterns.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

People are going to tell you to just keep going and you're going to think that it's impossible. I'm sorry to tell you that it's hard, but it's possible. I believe in you and your ability to write through this.

Unless you are going through writing burnout TAKE A BREAK. TAKE A BREAK. TAKE A BREAK. "But what if--" NO. BREAK. NOW.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

@squarebracket-trick for her amazing writing. I really feel like I could have a discussion about any form of writing with her and she'd have something to say. @sugar-phoenix, @lyra-brie, and @leisoree for listening to my rambles and sharing their gorgeous juicy ideas to me. @wipsbymor for RJ. What I have to say more? Sigh, also for her continued support and kindness. @hallwriteblr, yes tagging you again, for being such a kind person in this community and for writing that sage one shot. @serenanymph for being one of my first mutuals and a talented writer to boot. And to everyone who is my mutual! I love you all!!

1. What motivates you to write?

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

[sufficiently-advanced]

hi! I got a bunch of asks, and I figured I should (after 5 years) finally give an update.

unfortunately, though I enjoyed this for a long time, the hobby of writing faux-academic analyses of wands has long been soured for me bc I am, yknow, trans in the uk. I don't want to help sustain positive and neutral attention on jk rowling and contribute to the money she is using to fund and spearhead uk and us movements against trans people. It is truly wild to have reason to have beef with a famous children's author but here we are. Years later, these movements are still using that harry potter money and social cred to try to make questioning trans people's existence seem like a liberal free-speech common sense position that's unfairly targeted by radical, hysterical trans activists.

(Here is a tracker of the rise in current legislation restricting trans peoples' participation in public life in the us; the current uk prime minister made a jab against trans people this week in parliament, unknowingly in front of the mother of a trans teenager recently murdered in a hate-motivated attack, part of his customary appeal to right-wing culture war rhetoric. This is, as that first link points out, not his first public joke lampooning trans people, and as the stonewall link below mentions hate-motivated crimes against trans people have increased over 150% in the last few years, but only in the aftermath of a girl's murder has labour pushed back against our identities being part of a national debate.)

Interacting with people still into harry potter feels like a real toss-up. It feels depressingly likely, given what I see online and the beliefs of some of my coworkers, relatives and acquaintances, that I'm writing for someone who thinks nonbinary people are fine as long as they aren't too scarily masculine-looking, and trans women are fine as long as they're really nice and never say anything challenging and make themselves as small and cis-acceptable as possible and only react to people's cruelty with self-sacrificing grace, and trans men are fine as long as they are cute and don't look like neckbeards and are suitably disdainful of masculinity but also not too trender-y, and this whole thing about harry potter is kind of overblown but you can't say that because trans people looove to cancel people. I don't want to write stuff for people who hold these beliefs if I can avoid it! Writing non-harry potter related stuff is the best way to avoid it right now.

If some of these statements feel challenging to you - I was there once too, as a confused angry teenager who felt like gay people were trying to make me feel bad about myself. The social media landscape genuinely makes change more painful than it has to be. Personally, working to humanise and listen to people I was unthinkingly taught to disregard, ignore, disdain or pity has been one of the most rewarding projects of my life, even though by definition it will probably never be complete, and also it can be difficult and vulnerable. I hope you can find it rewarding too. If you're mostly like 'wow, I for real didn't hear about any of this', happy for you, there are links below so you know what's up and can identify some messages you might have absorbed without knowing it.

I won't be updating this blog with any more analyses. Thanks for reading, especially if you had to push through discomfort or fear to do so, and for liking my analyses enough to follow! If you have questions, here are some good resources to look at:

the basics of 'what does trans mean, like, practically?';

a great primer on what we actually know about trans people in britain (useful for outside-of-britain questions too);

a video introducing jk rowling's contribution to anti-trans movements and the discussion of whether to separate the art from the artist, and, if you're interested, a dry but short video about some of her direct links to conservative anti-trans and anti-gay groups in the us and uk

if you have more questions after looking at these, the facebook group 'You Might Wanna Learn More About Trans People' is an active group where you can ask them, anonymously if you want to.

[skwigelfskwisgaar]

"You spend so much effort shutting down your feelings that you forget how to start them up again."

Can I ask for more Tori/Swedish girlfriend angst?

"That isn't your concern, Tori."

"It is completely my concern because you want to use me. Admit it."

"Again with this psychological analysis bullshit! I just want to talk to someone who isn't motivated by a blank check." Skisgaar got up from his desk and abandoned the chair as he began to pace around instead - he grabbed his Explorer out of habit as Tori began to tear into him. This felt more organic, more caring - she was going to give him honesty, at the very least, because she had no motivation to sugarcoat it for him.

It wasn't just bouncing thoughts to a brick wall and hoping it sticks like it was with Twinkletits. She was talking because she cared, and she wanted him to heal - at least that's what he understood from their last encounter. And sometimes that meant making him frustrated and angry and wanting to avoid the topics he should be much more open about.

Twinkletits told him he needed to talk. He never said it was supposed to be with him in his office.

"I'm not doing this, Skwisgaar."

He never wanted to hear from Nathan how having a girlfriend was amazing ever again. They turned into exes, and this one was particularly stuck on ripping his sanity to shreds when he wanted her to fix it.

"Admit it then."

"Admit what? That you treated me like a toy and are trying to convince me that I'm doing the same!?"

Tori looked at him with her cute eyes scrunched in confusion, and soft lips turned into a small 'o' - she looked absolutely horrified. Shocked. Hurt. Confused.

"You spend so much effort shutting down your feelings, Skwisgaar, that you have forgotten how to start them up again."

"You sound like my paid therapist."

"Your therapist is a smart person. Stop pacing and talk to me? Isn't that what this call was for?"

"And talk about what? Is that not what Twinkletits is for, according to you?"

"Having genuine bonds and connections outside of your professional spheres are a healthy thing, but..."

"I am looking to just - I don't know, Tori. Talk to someone outside of my life."

Tori looked conflicted. Genuinely so. He almost believed she would hang up the call.

"This is such a breach of professional conduct but I can try to just be a good friend. Nothing about us is discussed, just what I deem to be ... necessary for you. Understand?"

He frowned, but figured this was probably for the best. Everyone else had skin in the game, so to speak - a truly neutral party, like Tori, was almost impossible to find in his inner circle. He finally shook his head yes.

"Good. Why me? Help me understand. Why me?

Skwisgaar put his Explorer down on his lap. Could he say he had lost the ability to be open with anyone? Did he ever have that? The last time he felt close enough to someone to do that, they tore him to pieces in a bid for fame. Even Týr he kept at arm's length - close enough to talk but not too close as to rip him apart.

He could use a drink or five right now.

"Trying to understand why you, Tori? Last person I remotely felt confident around ended up shredding me and my endorsements and my entire career - !"

"Hold up before you go off on a rant. Is this about Toki?"

"Who else wrote a goddamn book about me?!"

"So instead of talking to your friend, you are talking to me because of him."

"Yes. I frel like I can't trust him anymore."

"Right. Have you talked to him about it?"

"No. He and I... we drifted apart and then -- he was absent for almost a year."

"What about now?" Skwisgaar swapped over his hand to play the Duncan Hills jingle almost immediately. It was a go-to comfort melody he could play in his sleep because it made him focus on the notes and not the not-so-pleasant topics. Like right now. He should face the mysic - he literally had begged her for this.

"Skwisgaar?"

He felt his finger slip, and he stopped his hands before looking at Tori's image on his laptop screen. Her eyebrows were furrowed like Twinkletits.

"I haven't been as open about... look. I'm not over the book and I think he knows - he never mentions it around me. "

"Do you think it lines up with Toki's behavior?"

"What?"

Tori, who was now looking especially exasperated, looked more like she just dropped the biggest single and no one was responding to it - at least that's what Skwisgaar immediately thought of.

"Toki sounds like the kind of person who bottles things up. He doesn't just explode out of nowhere, right? Have you talked to him at all about this book?"

"He wanted to play a solo. So he killed my image to get it."

"What could you possibly have done to force Toki to such an extreme?"

"..." Skwisgaar thought about the words. What had he done to Toki that ended up with Toki ripping him to shreds? Skwisgaar swallowed as it slowly dripped into him, the dread and the self-awareness that Toki had been pushed to that extreme by Skwisgaar.

Had he not torn him asunder each time he stepped out of line for the blonde's own hangups? Had he not been the cause of many of Toki's acts of rebellion, in attempts to be treated as a proper musician? Had he not done to Toki over years, what Toki did with one book?

"I... did the same to him. Instead of a giant sword used to stab in one fell swoop, it was small paper cuts done over the years."

"Interesting imagery. But I think it fits. Do you think maybe Toki is waiting for you to understand and apologize for that?"

"Why would I do that?! He started it with that book!"

"Subjective - he sees it as you starting this feud first. You drew blood first with ... well, the first of many paper cuts. How many endorsements do you think he's been denied or how many events has he missed out on because of you and your constant paper cuts?"

Skwisgaar shot up again and threw one of the display guitars against the ground, hard. He heard the neck crack - truss rod, probably - then the second swing snapped a few chords and the final swing broke it while the body hung on the strings. His Explorer he dumped on his bed before going back down to sit.

"I am not apologizing. Not first."

"Toki cares. That much is clear from his book."

"Have you read that garbage?!"

"Yes, I did. I found the title to be very dismissive of my ex-boyfriend, so I read it to get a better idea of you." Tori leaned in, seeing that Skwisgaar was fuming. She let out a small smirk before asking him the million dollar question.

"You haven't read it, have you?"

"Of course!" He answered that way too fast, way to defensively.

"He's been on the receiving end of your put-downs and rejections that he felt forced to write this book. It's got a whole chapter dedicated to you! He clearly cares, Skwisgaar."

"What?!"

He picked rose again, ignoring Tori's requests to come back and sit down. He went over the chapter titles and quickly found them to be all infuriating. Skwisgaar would need blood pressure medication at the rate he was going with this fury boiling in him.

"It's the second to last chapter, Chapter 38. God in a Gilded Cage. I think it's misprinted in English though. It says 'God ins a Gilsded Cajes'."

"No, that sounds similar to what he talks like in English."

"To be fair, didn't he learn it from you?"

"And he didn't learn it right when I showed him, clearly."

"Yeah... no comment."

Skwisgaar found it, finding it and fold the corner to read later. Tori would have placed a proper bookmarker, but this was his copy and she wasn't there to see it.

"Call me when you aren't moody about that, and you have read that chapter. I can send you the Swedish one in .pdf format if you want?"

"No, it's fine. Are you ending it today, Tori?"

"Yeah. Something tells me you need time to process the contents of that book still and that chapter will help you see your friend better, I think."

"... are you giving me homework?"

"Good bye, Skwisgaar, it's 5 am here and I need sleep. Talk to you next week."

The called ended. And Skwisgaar immediately began to noodle away on his Explorer again, feeling the nerve wracking anxiety building up in him from having to keep up the arrangement - he would need to read to book, or at least read that chapter, before she was okay doing that again.

And normally, he wouldn't even entertain such a ludicrous demand. But it felt liberating to finally let it out. The pressure of that boiling anger in his soul when he saw the book gathering dust in the back of his closet by his boots, or the fact that it was sometimes mentioned during meeting when a translation in a new language made it relevant again.

Talking to someone about it made him feel free of that anger. He closed the laptop, before rising and grabbing the book tightly. Unsure. Should he read it? Should he burn it?

"In. Out. You got this."

He steadied his breathing. His chest felt fit to burst, as his mind reeled back to what Tori said. 'He clearly cares, Skwisgaar.'

He read the first passage, then stopped. There was that strange sensation of something possessing his body and hijacking it. The feeling of not being able to hear or tune in to the right frequency that people were talking at. He quickly grabbed the pill bottle from his night stand and dry swallowed one of the pills inside. He clung to the Explorer as he noodled away on the Duncan Hills coffee jingle as he waited for this to pass.

'He doesn't hate me. And that's worse.'

[lasnevadaslaborunion]

Credit to this post by @enderwalking and some Discord convos with @thequackcity for getting me thinking about this topic again (please let me know if you'd rather not be tagged)

Okay so my short answer to the disc duo "obsession" question is that a good chunk of it is a silly semantic debate. They obviously have a toxic and abusive dynamic, and they're obviously crucial to each other's narratives. Whether or not the word "obsessed" is appropriate is a minor quibble, imo.

My longer answer to this question requires me to analyze why their relationship is the way it is. What I'm going to say here hinges on my interpretation of both characters as being fundamentally afraid of change and instability. Which for c!Tommy manifests as needing someone to follow, look up to, and idealize (even as he chafes against authority he thinks is flawed), and for c!Dream manifests as needing control over his environment.

On c!Tommy's end, it's not exactly fair to call it an "obsession" if his fear of c!Dream is repeatedly justified by experience. After all, this is the person who nearly drove him to suicide, who blew up his home multiple times, who killed him and revived him and gleefully promised to do so over and over again. But his feelings are very complicated, because the man who ruined his life was his friend once, too. Think about the repetition of his exile, the cycle of creating and watching those creations destroyed, and how c!Tommy latched onto the routine even as he spiraled into depression. These events happening in the aftermath of losing c!Wilbur only support his craving for a steady friend. Even after he snapped himself out of that rut, he keeps coming back to the person who abused him, both physically and in spirit. He can't fully rest as long as c!Dream is alive, and who knows if even his death will give him peace. In that way, it's an incredibly lopsided bond; c!Dream's very continued existence gives him power over c!Tommy, whereas c!Tommy can't directly influence c!Dream as strongly or consciously.

On c!Dream's end, the "obsession" with c!Tommy is sometimes misunderstood as a monomaniacal fixation, when his goals are clearly a lot broader, all wrapped up in his quest for peace and unity (whatever that entails...) on the SMP. And I think that's where a lot of miscommunication between the two sides of this argument happens. c!Dream isn't singularly focused on making c!Tommy's life hell, or on possessing him in the most literal way we might think of it. Nor do I think his controlling and ruthless personality is exclusive to just one person or situation.

But c!Tommy does take up a disproportionate place in c!Dream's mind. The kid is an easy symbolic scapegoat for the server straying from the original ideal, given that the Disc Wars were some of the first big conflicts on the server, that he was one of the founding members and arguably the "muse" of L'Manberg, and that he has a (somewhat earned) reputation as a troublemaking gremlin. However, I think c!Dream finds c!Tommy's presence a strange comfort as much as his mischief is an annoyance. Especially as time passed and the number and scale of the wars increased, c!Tommy became a convenient "stress toy" due to his emotional transparency and, later on, the conditioning from months of history. c!Tommy is uniquely frustrating to him, but that also makes him uniquely satisfying to put down; if c!Dream wants to feel powerful, scary, and competent, he can count on c!Tommy's reactions to give him that boost. It's a combination of practical motivations (intimidating the server members into responding in ways that suit his plans, starting with the one who fears him the most) and more emotional ones (feeling control over something or someone in a world that rapidly escaped his ability to cope with its transformation) that make c!Tommy the perfect victim.

And yes, there is once again an uncomfortable awareness that they were buddies once, if vitriolic ones, and that they've remained constants in each other's lives even as they've become bitter nemeses. That combination of chaos and consistency keeps them so horribly entangled, and both of their emotions are so much more complicated than simple hatred.

As a final note, I like the interpretation of c!Dream seeing c!Tommy as a wayward little brother figure that he needs to "correct" by any means necessary and also has fun tormenting, much like one would pretend to be a big scary monster or put a spider in their sibling's hair to make them cry after being irritated one too many times. (This twisted familial dynamic also opens the door for a lot of thematic parallels with c!Wilbur, a more explicit brother figure, though his dynamic with c!Tommy is hardly healthy, either.) But I also think the idea that c!Dream opportunistically ruined the life of a teenager who once admired him and rarely gives a second thought to the harm he caused because he's so obsessed with a "united server" that never truly existed - thus making c!Tommy's devastating trauma mere collateral damage - is very terrifying and tragic in its own way. They're both compelling frameworks to play around with, and I don't think either one is entirely right or wrong.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I'll leave it to more prominent discduo enjoyers to add on or correct details, but for now I'm leaving it here

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Dance With Me (Terzo x Reader FLUFF)

Credits to @crowblin for the amazing edit of smiling Terzo

(A/N: I had the cutest idea for this fic, I really hope future me does justice in writing this. The only reason I didn't label this as GN is because the reader does wear a dress to the party, but I kept the pronouns neutral since everyone can wear dresses, obviously. Absolutely no warnings at all, just Terzo and the reader falling in love, dancing being cute, friends to lovers, Primo being a dad.)

You sat in silence as your fellow siblings talked about a party that was going to be held a week from now at the Abbey. They all buzzed with excitement, discussing what they would be wearing, if they were going with anyone or who they hoped they'd get a chance to dance with. "What about you, (Y/N)? Are you going with anyone" Dammit, you were hoping you could keep yourself out of this conversation. You had been planning on avoiding the party all together, not wanting to embarrass yourself due to the fact that you didn't know how to dance.

"Oh, I'm going to be busy that night. Primo needs me to stay late to work on something." Your friends knew how seriously you took your work, and no one was going to question Primo's motives for anything he did.

"Primo loves you, I'm sure if you asked to take the night off for the party he'd let you. Plus, I thought I heard even he was going to be attending this one." You internally grimaced, of course he was. The first time in years he actually decides to go to one of the Abbey's parties when he's your only excuse for ditching.

"I'll see what I can do." You excuse yourself with a smile before heading off. You needed to figure out what to do and you needed to figure it out quickly. There was only one person you could think to turn to at a time like this. You hurried through the halls, eventually finding yourself standing in front of Terzo's office door. You knock tentatively, standing there awkwardly as you waited for him to answer the door. You were surprised when Primo opened the door instead of Terzo.

"Il mio bambino," he smiles at you, "I take it you're looking for Terzo, come in." You enter the office hesitantly, seeing Terzo sitting at his desk. Primo floats past you, back to the chair you assumed he was sitting in prior to your arrival. "Is everything alright (Y/N)? You look troubled my dear." You sigh, not really wanting to admit the reason you were down there. You glance at Terzo, apprehension still apparent in your features, he motions for you to sit.

"I need your help." He rests his elbows on the dark wooden surface in front of him, perplexed by the fact that you seemed serious. You had been best friends with Terzo for years, you never asked for his help on principle. Now, you had gone out of your way to come all the way down to his office, admitting that you needed his help in front of Primo no less, something had to be seriously wrong. "This party next week... I was trying to get out of going. But, apparently, word has gotten around that you're going to be attending." You turn your head to look at Primo. "I'm sorry Papa, I was trying to lie and use you giving me work as an excuse not to go. But, that's besides the point." 

Terzo waves his hand, "hold on, pause. Why are you trying so hard to not go, it's going to be fun! Apparently this is going to be different than Secundo's usual parties."

Primo nods in agreement, "I've been told this is going to be closer to a formal ball than one of Secundo's usual... What do the younger siblings call them? Ragers?" You felt yourself starting to physically sweat. That was worse. That just made things even more terrible than they already were. This now has transpired into something far beyond the casual rhythmic club dancing you were used to seeing at these parties. It was very rare for Secundo to hold formal parties like this but when he did they were as grandiose as anything you could possibly imagine. You paled at the thought of what would happen if you even attempted to ballroom dance, you felt sick at the thought of it. "Il mio bambino, are you alright? You look like you're about to faint."

"I can't dance!" You suddenly blurt out to both of them. "If I go to this party I'm going to be the laughing stock of the Abbey because everyone I know dances in some capacity-"

"(Y/N), I'm sure you're not the only one who doesn't know how to dance." Primo tries to reassure you.

You groan, "I know that, but-"

"You don't want to do anything that could make you look stupid." Terzo finishes bluntly. You nod in response, rubbing the bridge of your nose.

"Terzo, you're the only one I could think of to come ask." You saw Primo's gaze swap between the the two of you, a small smirk on his face as if he knew something neither of you didn't. 

"You want me to teach you how to dance?" You nod bashfully, still not wanting to accept the fact that you needed his help.

"Well, I think it's time for me to take my leave, let you two discuss this in private." He places a supportive hand on your shoulder. "My doors always open if you're feeling overwhelmed and need a break, come by anytime." You smile at him and nod, watching him walk slowly out the door.

"You want me to teach you how to dance?" Terzo repeats his earlier question quietly, leaning back in his chair with a look of pure disbelief on his face.

"Listen, I'm not happy that I have to come ask for your help, but you're my best friend, and I know you know a wide variety of dance styles... So, I'm hoping you won't make fun of me too badly and you'll help me learn before the party." You couldn't meet his eyes, you didn't want to know how he was looking at you.

"First of all, rude ass, I'm not that mean." You can't help but let out a small laugh at him being offended for you even remotely assuming he was mean. "I'm not going to make fun of you for not knowing how to dance, I used to be lanky and awkward and didn't know how to move my body. It takes time, practice, not everyone is born with the ability to dance. But, we have a week, sí? That sounds like a timeframe I can work with." He smiles brightly at you, an expression you try your best to return. It was definitely for the best that it was your best friend giving you dance lessons, but the whole thing still made you incredibly nervous. Terzo stood, you copied his motions unsure of what he was planning. "I think I know a good place to practice?"

"We're going now? Like, right now?" He nods with a confused expression.

"When do you want to start learning? An hour before the party starts?" He rebuttals. He was right, the more time you got to learn the better. You followed Terzo through the winding halls off the Abbey eventually ending up in a large open room that appeared to be used for storage. Your newfound dance partner ventures off into a corner, shuffling a few things around before letting out a sound of approval when he finds what he was looking for. He pulls out a small stand that had an old record player sitting on it, a box of various records to go along with it. "Let's hope this thing still works." He fiddles with it for a minute, eventually having it click to life. A slow, melodic tune fills the room, Terzo dusts off his hands with a smile. You stood motionless in the center of the room, your arms tightening around yourself as nervous tension built in your chest. Terzo shrugs out of his jacket, tossing it over a nearby stack of boxes before carefully rolling up his sleeves. You swallowed thickly, your pulse speeding up for some reason you couldn't place. He steps closer to you, "are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." He takes one of your hands in his, placing your free hand on his shoulder before wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you close. He proceeds to talk you through a very basic waltz, counting off each step so you'd know how to time it when you eventually started dancing to the music. You noticably cringed everytime you accidentally stepped on his toes. He would just chuckle and wave it off, telling you it was okay and it was all part of learning. Eventually, after a few days of practice, you started to somewhat get the hang of it.

"Good, good, now the next part is very important. You need to stop looking at the floor." He chuckles, causing you to blush slightly.  You made an attempt, your eyes looking at the wall behind Terzo as you mentally pictures the steps. "(Y/N)... Relax." He says with a small smile. You hadn't realized until he said something that you had been holding your breath. He studies your face for a moment, "why don't we take a break for a minute?" Terzo sat down on the floor, a light sheen of sweat covering his skin from the hours you had been practicing that day. You joined him on the floor with an aggravated huff.

"I'm never going to get the hang of this." You say miserably, pulling your knees to your chest and hiding your face in them.

"You're doing great, I never said this was going to be easy. You're already a hundred times better than you were a couple days ago." Terzo slides closer to you, wrapping a comforting arm around your shoulder. You lift your head slightly, meeting his dual colored eyes in the process. You felt... Strange. You were no stranger to physical contact from Terzo, he just always happened to be a very hands on guy, not that you complained. But this made you feel different that anything you had felt towards him before. That tight, thick feeling in your throat was back. The same feeling you got when you watched him prepare to dance with you on that first day. Your heart was thundering in your chest, your hands felt clammy, your stomach churned but not in the sick and queasy way you had experienced before. "I know that by the time the party rolls around, you're going to be even greater at dancing than you could ever imagine." The way he was looking at you, you felt like you were running out of oxygen yet you've never had a fresher breath of air. You were feeling really conflicted.

"Could we pick this up in a couple hours?"

He nods with a concerned expression. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a bit tired I think." He stood, helping you from the floor in the process. Terzo continued to hold your hand in his, you reluctantly slipped your fingers out of his grasp.

"I'll be in my office when you're ready to pick back up, okay?" You nod, leaving the room before he had the chance to question why you were suddenly acting so strange. Your walk eventually turned into more of a jog as you ran off to the one place that could always help soothe your mind, Primo's garden. As if expecting you he was already there, tending to his plants like he normally was on any given day. The familiarity of this site helped you relax slightly. There wasn't any new thoughts or feelings, new experiences, just Primo and his garden.

"Il mio bambino, I can smell the anxiety coming off you from here." He didn't look up or stop the task he was in the middle of. You started in his direction, Primo could read you like a book at any given moment of course now was no different. You sat on the wall nearest where he was working, the two of you coexisting in silence before he decided to speak again. "What's wrong my dear?" He turns his full attention towards you and you immediately begin to crumble under his loving, almost parental gaze.

"I'm..." You pause, sighing slightly as you tried to find the right words to say. "I think I might have a crush on Terzo, it feels weird saying that out loud. I don't know, ever since he's been giving me dance lessons I feel like he's all I can think about. I've caught myself day dreaming about him for Satan's sake."

"You and Terzo have been very close for a long time, and as far as I know he's one of the first people you've really taken an interest in... Would it be such a bad thing to, dare I say, see where things go naturally." Primo chuckles, he knew how much you hated navigating things that were new. You always seemed to have a step by step plan to resolve every problem you've ever faced, but not this one. Primo joins you on the wall, taking your hand in his, "I think you should just let things take their course. Even an old man like myself can see the way you look at him, you've always adored him even if you haven't realized it until now. Terzo is your person, and I'd venture to say you're probably his. You know him better than anyone, you probably know him better than I do and he's my brother!" He lets out another small laugh before slowly standing up. He offers you his arm, "how about I take you back to your dance lessons?" You link your arm with his, sharing in some pleasant conversation as he walked you back to Terzo's office. He asked how you thought the lessons were going.

"Terzo's an excellent teacher, he's kind and patient, I'm just worried I'm still not going to be ready, we only have a few days left." Primo hums.

"I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit il mio bambino, I'm sure by the time the party rolls around you'll be ready to dance the night away." You reached Terzo's office, Primo knocks on the door and turns to you. "I hope our little chat today ease's your nerves my dear." Before you had time to respond Terzo opened the door, a confused expression on his face when he sees Primo. "I believe they're supposed to be with you." Saying only that, Primo turned to you, bid you farewell, and floated off down the hallway once more.

"I think I'm ready to try again." You say quietly, a meek smile on your face.

"Excellent." Terzo returns your grin, the two of you heading back down to the empty room that had become your dance studio for the time being. You took your position, Terzo's arm securely around your waist, your body almost flush against his. You started to walk through the steps again, trying to stay in time with the quiet music from the record player. Without realizing it you had started watching your feet again. "Don't look at the floor, look at me." His voice was deep, almost commanding. Your eyes snapped up to his, your cheeks flushing at the close proximity. "That's perfect cara mia, just keep your eyes on me." You didn't want to, being this close to him and having such intense eye contact was making you flustered. But, you had completely stopped overthinking your dancing. Before you knew it your clumsy attempt at a waltz had turned into actual dancing. Every shift of Terzo's body guided you to exactly where you needed to be. Over the last few days before the party dancing with him actually started to become fun. He spun you around the floor, occasionally you both would stumble over your own feet but you weren't riddled with anxiety over it anymore. You got one more practice session in the night before the party. You and Terzo planning on meeting at his quarters tomorrow to hopefully calm any nerves you could possibly have before he kissed the back of your hand and left you to your thoughts for the rest of the evening. You found yourself struggling to pick out something to wear. Knowing that subconsciously you were thinking about how you wanted to look good for Terzo made you groan. You knew Primo was right, nothing horrible was going to happen for giving into your feelings. You managed to find a gown you bought a few years ago that you never had gotten the chance to wear. A simple, elegant, black floor length gown. It was perfect. You were in the process of getting ready the next day when you ran into a problem. You couldn't zip up the gown by yourself. You were audibly cursing to your empty room as you fumbled with the zipper. Suddenly, there was a knock at your door. You held the back of the dress together the best you could with one hand and opened the door with the other. There stood Terzo, tie slung around his neck a small boquette of flowers in his hand.

"Hey, perfect timing, I need your help." You hurriedly pulled him inside. He chuckles, pulling the tie from his shoulder and holding it up.

"Good, because I also need yours." You chuckle, you had been helping Terzo tie his ties for years, of course he still needed help. Unfortunately for him your matter was more pressing. You turned, showing him the open back of your gown.

"Do you think you could zip me up? You felt him step closer to you, that familiar buzz spreading across your skin as you felt him step behind you. You glanced at him in the mirror in front of you. He studied your face for a moment, a small smile on his lips. Terzo's fingers were cool as they dragged up your spine, effortlessly bringing the zipper up along with it. After he was done he rested his hands on your waist, admiring the way you looked, how the dress hugged your curves in exactly the right spots. 

"You look radiant this evening cara mia." You can't help but blush at the compliment. You turned, taking the tie out of his hand and placing it around his neck. You tied it meticulously, making sure his collar was neatly folded over, the knot perfectly done.

"Just as handsome as ever." You smile, resting your hands on his chest. You got caught up in his gaze, mismatched eyes keeping you pinned in place. He glanced down at your lips momentarily, your heart rate instantly picking up at the sight. He had just barely started to inch his face closer to yours when you panicked, "these flowers are beautiful!" You caught sight of them on the table where Terzo left them.

He sighs slightly, "they're from Primo. He wanted to apologize for not being able to come see you before the party, but he'll make sure to find you at some point tonight." You take a deep breath, inhaling the flowers sweet scent. "(Y/N)... Would you care to accompany me tonight?" You smile, setting the flowers down and stepping closer to him to adjust his tie once more.

"Nothing would make me happier Terzo." The two of you made your way to the party, Terzo wrapping his jacket around your shoulders because he insisted that you looked cold. You helped him back into his coat, smoothing out his suit before the two of you entered. You took his arm, smiling up at him. The place was already a buzz with energy, Terzo had a talent for being fashionably late. You wandered around and mingled a little. You eventually found Primo, he looked like he was about to shed a tear when he told you how wonderful you looked. Your arm linked with Terzo's once again, Primo passing a knowing glance between the two of you. Terzo turns to you, bowing slightly as he offers you his hand.

"Would you care to dance cara mia?" You placed your hand in, he gently brings the back of it to his lips. He leads you to the dance floor at the start of the next song, pulling you into his embrace. Actually being out on the dancefloor you started to feel nervous. Apparently that showed in your face, "remember, look at me... Only at me." You took a deep breath, hours upon hours of practice taking over your body with ease. He whisked you around the floor, spinning you around just like he had before. He held you close to him, both of you laughing giddily as you danced, drank, and laughed the night away. You and Terzo made your way down the hall, stumbling into each other and giggling. 

"My feet hurt." You groan.

"You always wear heels to the parties, and you always complain." Terzo teases you. He suddenly scoops you off of the ground, earning a startled, happy shriek from you. "You can't complain about how much your feet hurt when you're not using them." You laugh, wrapping your arms around his neck. You walked past Terzo's quarters on the way back to your own, you stopped him.

"Can I come inside?" He smiles as he studies your face.

"Of course you can cara mia." He sets you down for just a moment while he opens his door before immediately sweeping you off your feet again. He flops back onto the couch with a groan, you now seated comfortably in his lap. He smooths your gown over your legs, "I can't get over how beautiful you look in this gown."

"Well you look very nice in that suit." You smile at him, he kissed the back of your hand. "Terzo?" He hums in response to your question. "Can... Can I kiss you?" His hand comes to rest on the side of your face. You could feel his breath against your lips as you got lost in his eyes. Terzo started to inch his face closer to yours, this time you didn't try to look for an escape. Your eyes fluttered shut as his lips finally met yours. You grabbed him by his collar, pulling him as close to you as physically possible as he kissed you. "I'm... In love with you, Terzo... I think I have been for years..." You admit nervously. In response to your confession Terzo kisses you again.

"I was worried you weren't going to feel the same... I didn't want to risk ruining our friendship." You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Both of you had been in love with each other for years, and you both were just too scared and stubborn to admit it. You both gazed lovingly at each other, leaning in for another short sweet kiss before talking the rest of the night, drifting off in each other's arms.

[icaruspendragon]

I know you've really struggled with the passing of your brother (and I'm sorry if this reminder is too painful) but if I may ask a personal question?

How do you motivate yourself? Because I look at you and I see that your life is hard and you maybe be struggling at times but you're still pushing forwards- and I want to be able to do that. I want to try to better myself but it's like every time I start, I spiral deeply and I have to crawl my way back up, never truly making progress.

So how do you motivate yourself?

cw for discussions/mentions of suicide, death, and grief:

it was 6:30 am on my twenty-fifth birthday when i woke up to my mother standing in my bedroom, my husband already awake and dressed and next to her. i knew something was wrong. she wished me a happy birthday and then said she had to tell me something. the first words out of my mouth were “is this going to ruin my day?” and she said, “yes, it is. your brother is gone.”

i still have not found the words to describe the everything that happened inside of me in that moment. i don’t think they exist. despite this, i continue my search.

at the time, i had just embarked on my mission to create meaningful chaos (which can be summed up as doing good things in weird ways) because i had realized my platform on tiktok gave me the privilege to have more of an impact than most. and i wanted to use this privilege to help who and where and how i could. my entire plan for my birthday was to commit acts of chaotic kindness and ask my followers to do the same. instead i had to try and come to terms with my brother killing himself.

i had to start planning a funeral.

i made a video sharing what had happened because i had been hinting at my birthday plan for weeks and wanted to give my followers an explanation as to why it was no longer going to. and because i felt compelled to make sure that something good came out of that horrible day.

and to my bittersweet amazement, tens of thousands of people took heed my call for chaotic kindness. in the days and weeks that followed my brother’s suicide thousands of dollars were donated to a plethora of charities. thousands of dollars were sent to me. day after day after day my po box was overflowing with cards and letters and offers of comfort. an incomprehensible number of strangers saw my sorrow and my hurt and my pain and they decided to try and counteract it by putting as much good into the world as they could. they eased the weight of my grief by picking some up, not because i asked them to or because they had to, but because they saw an absence of good and decided they could create some.

it was these acts of kindness done by strangers on the internet that gave me the strength to put one lead laden foot in front of the other. their kindness gave me the strength to spread my own. these people gave me the determination to try and return some of their kindness to the universe and those in it who desperately need it. i needed something good to come out of my brother’s death. even if it were one life saved or one person helped with the story of him taking his own, it would be enough.

then, i got a card in my po box that kinda changed my life.

the card was sent by a stranger as most of the mail i receive is.

this is what they wrote:

in my almost 24 years of existence i have searched far and wide, for an answer. i have looked and looked, for a while, long before i even knew what i was looking for. the answer to the question that every Human Being has at some point asked.

Why?

“What Is The Meaning of Life?”… why are we all here…. what is it all for… yada yada yada

and time and time again, i have failed to find one. the best i can come up with is that we are just here for shits and giggles and you should try not to be a dick. just have some happy moments when you can and don’t actively cause damage.

however you, dear berklie…

you have decided to break through neutrality. you, in your quest to spread Meaningful Chaos have entered the terrifying realm of Positivity. you, in this cold, dark universe that is constantly trying to snuff out the light, have fished in you pocket, pulled out a lighter and started committing arson.

and for that, you have my utmost respect, awe, and if i am being honest, envy. it is no easy task to stand up and say ‘fuck this. there can be good. and where i cannot find it, i will create it.’

that last sentence has rattled about in my brain every single day since reading it. the words this stranger wrote for me, about me were so incredibly profound. i wanted to be the person they wrote about, so i started looking everywhere for ways to create good.

i will say, the projects i come up with to help with my creation of good are also distractions so i do not have to be left alone with my thoughts and my grief, so they’re not entirely for selfless reasons.

with every single word tenderly crafted and given to me about how i have helped someone in someway somehow my need to do more for more people, grows.

so anon, here are some words tenderly crafted for you.

this world is awful and terrible and overwhelming and isolating and in desperate need of change.

in terrible need of good.

but how can i, as one single person, change anything? there’s just too much.

i am here to tell you that you canchange this world or change yourself or change something because you’re not alone.

if enough one single persons get together, everything looks a lot less awful and a lot less lonely, and all of those one single persons doing what they can becomes an entire group of people making what they think are meaningless little changes, but are meaningful acts to be both seen and felt.

in the six months since my brother took his own life, i’ve had dozens and dozens of people tell me that my grief was their sign not to do the same to their families. i’ve had hundreds and hundreds of people tell me that seeing my grief was helping them feel less lonely in their own. i’ve helped raise over 20,000 for charities all across the globe not because i had 20,000 dollars to give, but because i exist in a community of people who want to do good. it is easier to get one hundred people to give five dollars than to get one person to give five hundred dollars. the change enacted because of that act will be felt the same by the people who need it. they don’t care that it was a hundred people doing what most would consider to be nothing. they care that it happened at all.

it matters not the size of the gesture, it is the effort in doing something at all.

i’m motivated because i know i’m not alone in my attempts to make good where i cannot find it.

neither are you.

i hope this helps you in some way.

i’m rooting for you. we all are.

and just know, i have a spare lighter for you.

[gaypirate420]

Heyy, can I request “I didn’t knew where else to go” from enemies to lovers with Silco? Thanks

There you go :), I give you one better, lovers to enemies to lovers.

From strangers to friends, friends into lovers, to strangers again// Silco.

Silco x gender neutral reader.

Silco was hurt, he had been walking on the lanes with a bloody side for a while, he was going to hate himself for his next decision.

He walked for a path he hasn't visited since his early twenties, memories and old feelings came to him, he took a deep breath, he did his best to reach for your home, the people on there, your allies were weird out.

He finally found your home, the same paint as always, he weakly knocked on the door.

You were doing some paperwork while drinking some wine ,when you heard the knocking, you got up and opened the door having a odd felling about it.

"What—"

"I didn't knew where else to go" Said Silco his eyes looked at you with desperation, his hand was bloody, it was placed on his side.

"Um, alright come in" You said.

You looked at him with suspicion, you grabbed the first aid kit and place him roughly on the couch, he looked pale, his heavy breath and hard swallows, you moved his hand and started to undress him from the top, you began to cure him quickly, you wanted to end this as soon as possible, it was night you were tipsy, both of you were vulnerable at the moment.

You took a better look at the wound and frowned your eyebrows.

"Who did this to you?" You said and looked up to him, he was inmediatly thrown back by your question.

"I...don't...know, 'didn't see them" He said a little tired.

"This is why—"

"And here we go again—" He interrupted.

You rolled your eyes and began to look for needle and thread for the stab he got, you came back and looked at him.

"Now listen, I'm not a nurse, but you'll live" you said and got down again and poke him with the needle, he groaned.

"Don't move" you said angry.

"It hurts, darling—"

"Do not call me that"

"Silco, my dear, don't move please" you were curing the side of his face.

"It hurts, darling" he cried out.

If you asked Silco, he didn't do anything wrong and you were overreacting, he could see his mistake but won't accept it, if you asked yourself, he broke your hearth, he toss you aside, you used to be his motivation but he turned bitter and cold.

"I didn't wanted this for us" Said Silco while he was bottoming his shirt while you clean.

"It's the consequences of your own actions, Silco" You snapped.

You left him and started on your own, half of Zaun said that Silco was the boss and the other half said that it was you but after all the two were the same, for years you've been battling Silco and his people.

"I regret it" He said low and you looked at him.

"You don't, you are dizzy and-" You said nervously.

"Why do you always do this?"

"D-do what?" You mumbled.

"Avoid this conversation"

"Because I don't want to have it!, because if we do, I'll go back to you in a snap, and you will be happy for a couple of months then I'll be happy again and then you will toss me into the trash again" You cried.

You felt his hands on yours, you looked up and you meet his bicolored eyes.

You sobbed and covered your face with your hands.

You missed him and he missed you too, there wasn't a day he didn't think about you, the time passing was cutting right on the hearth, how every couple of months he would spot you again and you looked nothing like you used to, gone, you were gone and it was his fault.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, he cleaned the tears off your face.

"You are my everything, the light that illuminates my life, please come back home" He begged.

"I- we will discuss this on the morning, for now, sleep and rest" You said.

You left the room in a rush.

The sun hit your eyes and you groaned, you changed and got downstairs where you had the wounded rat man resting.

He was already up and ready to go, he was waiting for you.

"I see you are feeling better, see ya then-"

"Please, my darling" Silco said.

"I- I don't want to get hurt again, Silco" You cried while he got closer to you.

"You won't, I promise" He grabs your hand with delicacy.

"Fine, I'll be back with you, give me a couple of days, I have to convince my people to not hurt yours"

He kisses you on the lips, you corresponded the kiss, it was passionate, both missing the touch of eachother.

"I love you, Silco, I never stopped loving you" you cupped his damaged check.

"I love you too"

"I will find who did this to you" you said confident pointing to his wound, he chuckled softly.

Silco felt like his soul came back to his body, he accepted one thing.

He changed,

You changed,

But in the end, the feelings you have for eachother would never do.

[kaeyahiya]

💤"Waking up with them" headcanons💤

Ft. Diluc, Childe, and of course Kaeya

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Warnings: Sickening domestic bliss. and spoilers for Childe's real name

A/N: Listen-- before I pump out requests allow me to be selfish for a second and indulge myself. I didn't wanna get out of bed to go to work this morning, so this is my motivation for tomorrow morning 😩👌

(I tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible enjoy!)

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He always wakes up before you, no matter how early you try to wake up

He'll lay there and just take in your slumbering form

He can't help but move some hair out of your face, to get the full view of your peaceful expression;

And that's typical how you get woken up

He tries to be gentle but always end up accidentally waking you

You're eyes softly flutter open and Diluc has a mini panic attack

You however could care less:

You've caught him staring at you while you sleep!

There's nothing more mortifying to him-

"Mmm Diluc? We're you watching me sleep again?" you question groggily. He opens his mouth to respond but his excuses die in his throat. "Creep." You tease, as you squirm your way into his arms. He scoffs at you, still unable to defend himself.

"It's okay, I watch you when you're neck deep in inventory paper work. You're rather dashing when you're not paying attention." you muse dreamily, obviously still half asleep. "Do you now?" He smiles down at you. "Mmmhm." He chuckles slightly before flicking your forehead gently. "I almost feel like that's more creepy." You sigh dramatically. "I guess we're made for each other then, huh?" Diluc adverts his eyes, how you can be so bold first thing after you wake up is beyond him. He clears his throat. "I... suppose we are."

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Same thing with Diluc, he is the first one to wake up between the two of you

He'll stretch carefully as to not wake you just yet

He tries to let you sleep in, he really does

However he's always very anxious to get the day started

Maybe because of his fatui background or maybe because he used to fish a lot?

I've noticed that; like why do people do that? Do fish wake up early too?? Did y'all have to wake up early to fish?? The fish can wait baby I promise, sleep is important!

I'm getting off track uhhh

Anyway-

Childe will gently rub you back to wake you

He found that easiest way, as to not startle you or anything

He used to poke you like Teucer did to him when he was living back home

But that wasn't the most ideal way to wake up, and he's learned his lesson;;

Once you finally open your eyes Childe will pull you back into his chest and discuss the plans for the day with you:

"Good morning." Childe whispers in your ear as your being pulled into the warmth of his chest. "Morning." you yawn. "You work today?" He asked. "Not until this afternoon, so we can actually take our time getting up this morning." you respond. "Nice try, we both know I can't just lie here." You giggle. "Hey it was worth a shot!"

"What do you wanna eat for breakfast?" he asks pecking the top of your head with a small kiss. "You're gunna cook!? Hell yeah, you truly spoil me Ajax." He laughs, you can feel the rumble of his body through the cuddle. "I try my best. Besides food is a great motivator to get you up... So let's get moving shall we?"

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You wake up first 9 times out of 10

Especially if Kaeya had been drinking the night before.

Tell me why this man is even more beautiful when he sleeps if that's even possible

With the sun peaking through the curtains, he looks like a god;

All glowy and flawless, it's not fair!

No one should look like that after a full night of sleep!

He will tease you all day if he catches you staring at him while he sleeps, so be careful

You guys always wake up spooning each other

Don't ask me why, it just happens

He's a pretty heavy sleeper for the most part, unless your getting out of bed.

Then hell be wide awake and think of anyway to keep you in bed longer:

"Kayea-" you whine as your very grumpy boyfriend keeps his arms firmly wrapped around your waist, as you try and wiggle out of his grasp. "I have to get ready for work!" He buries his face inbetween your shoulders blades, shaking his head in defiance. "You still have a whole hour until you leave, you can stay a bit longer." He grumbles. "Kaeya, my love, the light of my life; we both know it's going to take me a least an hour to get ready and eat before I leave. If I don't get moving now I'm gunna be late..." you pause "For the third time this week." He laughs as if he wasn't the cause of all those times. You struggle to free yourself again and Kaeya places kisses on your back and shoulders, breaking your restraint.

You take a deep sigh this time in utter defeat. You turn in his arms to face him. "10 more minutes and that's it. Also you're bringing me lunch today!" Kaeya grins at you, and for a moment you almost forgot your mad at him. He places a kiss on your forehead. "Deal, pleasure doing business with you~" "You're an ass." you snort, lightly smacking his chest. "Yeah, but I'm your ass."

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