#i'm cis but the gender envy is real

[oceanwithinsblog]

just done watching bright young things and i enjoyed it but you know who really did it for me? this pretty lil fairy 💞✨🧚💫

like .... look at them

i'm so enchanted. istg. gonna send michael a huge ass virtual hug for giving life to such a fun, colorful, fragile and emotional character <33

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

First of all, a delightful name for a quest. Love it.

Second of all, this honestly should've been a short quest where you collect clues and have some banter, which would culminate in this conversation. I think as such this conversation is perfectly fine. (Well, at least with my limited knowledge of the topic as a cis woman.) However, just going there and having this talk, without more context and a little more build up, feels... a little abrupt, and (maybe I'm dense but) I was confused about how Taash arrived at the conclusion that the Antaam was blighting dragons. (Then again, when playing a new game, I can get distracted, so I might have missed something before.) They identify the Antaam by finding the ropes, which makes sense to me, but the rest seems less clear. I do appreciate what they're trying to do with Taash and the kind of story they're trying to tell, probably knowing full well how that's going to go, considering the state of the internet these days. I think that's great, and I really enjoy Taash as a character. But I said in my "review" before that Taash could use more questing, and I wanted to show what I meant. This is one of those moments when I thought, "This should've been a short quest instead of just a dialogue cutscene." Then again, I like dialogue cutscenes, so I can't complain too much, but I do think that if there were some more clues and banter leading up to this conversation, it would help us better understand the situation with the blighted dragons, because that tells us something about the methods of the main villains which connects it to the main plot, and also Taash as a character that is working through something very difficult which is undoubtedly a process worth showing.

[emdabitchass]

He laid there silently

open rp

you walk into the Apollo cabin to see Em writing something while blasting music in her headphones so loud you can hear it

tags👇

@demigod-jack-hearth

@of-course-im-the-winner

@the-smart-and-the-dumb-one

@lisadaughter-of-hepheastus

@ariathemortal

@smileyalater

@reyna4ever

[creation-help]

Okay, jesus. I gotta say this

Hey. Other queer people reading this. Non transfems especially.

You do realize transfems are people too, right? Right?

Transfems also feel nervous presenting as their real gender in public, they also have gender envy and see a pretty stranger on the bus and wish they'd look like them. They also feel so so incredible when they finally get that one nice thing that makes them feel more Gender, and when that one stranger (cashier, batista, whatever) genders them correctly. They also pose in front of the mirror daydreaming about how they'd dress, and also have breakdowns over their clothing bc they feel like they don't fit in them the right way. They also feel horrible having family dinners with conservative relatives who talk about anything non cis looking with disgust.

They also feel unsafe going out as a queer person.

Even in queer spaces.

Do you think about this? Do you think about their internal life and feelings as people? Do you forgive them if they're being a little awkward or a little horny in embarrassing and quote on quote cringe ways? Do you feel "Off vibes" from a person in public who you perceive as a man, dressing in ways that you don't think is normal for men? Do you feel discomfort at someone with facial hair and makeup? Do you stare and quietly avoid talking to them? Do you notice when transfems are absent in queer spaces? Do you notice "women and nonbinaries" situations never including trans women, somehow? Do you mention it? Point it out?

Do you feel "more comfortable" around femboys than transfeminine people? Why is that? Why do you allow transmasc twinks to be gnc but not any transfem people? Why do you think it's any more okay to "Feel uncomfortable" around a visibly trans person if you perceive them as being amab? You realise what that sounds like, right?

Like it feels absolutely mad that I feel the need to make this post but I see so many fellow queer people spout absolutely horrendous bullshit about transfems and I won't fucking stand it. Like hey, sorry this is worded condescendingly but maybe you could think for a second that this is about them, not about you? Wakey?

Fucking think and reflect, please. I'm not even a transfem, there's millions of trans women and others saying all this shit all over tumblr. And people don't take them seriously enough. Please help advocate for them too. Pay attention. At least do some internal work with yourself if nothing else. Okay?

[nobody-nexus]

🎪Welcome To The Sinful Circus!🎪

Kasper Klovni is a coder for hire who accepted a job with someone who claimed to be making a VR game known as ‘The Amazing Digital Circus’, which will be a kid’s game full of colorful characters and wondrous environments. Kasper asked for a beta of the game and was given one with no hesitation, which although a little concerning, he didn’t think too much on it. When he started up the game however, he passed out. When he woke up, he was within a clown-like body and at the entrance to the amusement park. He looked around as he noticed a shock collar on him. What… happened?

Player/NPC Name: Kaufmo Real Name: Kasper Klovni Career: Coder For Hire Age: 25 Height: 5’9’’ Gender: Cis Male (He/Him) Game Role: Protagonist/Player

Player/NPC Name: Pomni, or ‘Jester’ Real Name: Polina Shutnik Career: Accountant Age: 25 Normal Height: 5’3’’ Sin Form Height: 7’3’’ Gender: Trans Female (She/Her) Sin: Wrath Game Role: Tutorial/Secret Boss Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐ Sinful Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐

Player/NPC Name: Ragatha, or ‘Ragdoll’ Real Name: Amanda Dollie Career: Seamstress Age: 30 Normal Height: 5’11’’ Sin Form Height: 7’11’’ Gender: Cis Female (She/Her) Sin: Lust Game Role: Main Level Boss Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐ Sinful Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Player/NPC Name: Jax, or ‘Jackrabbit’ Real Name: Jackson Conejito Career: Corner Store Clerk Age: 22 Normal Height: 6’3’’ Sin Form Height: 8’3’’ Gender: Trans Male (He/Him) Sin: Sloth Game Role: Main Level Boss Level Difficulty:⭐ Sinful Level Difficulty:⭐

Player/NPC Name: Gangle, or ‘Tragedy’ Real Name: Grace Mezzanine Career: Broadway Actress Age: 26 Normal Height: 5’8’’ Sin Form Height: 7’8’’ Gender: Cis Female (She/Her) Sin: Envy Game Role: Main Level Boss Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐ Sinful Difficulty Level: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Player/NPC Name: Zooble or ‘Mix’n’Match’ Real Name: Zoe Jiggsaww Career: Tattoo Artist Age: 22 Normal Height: 6’3’’ Sin Form Height: 8’3’’ Gender: Agender (They/Them) Sin: Greed Game Role: Main Level Boss Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐ Sinful Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Player/NPC Name: Kinger or ‘King’ Real Name: Cesar Kingston Career: College Professor Age: 48 Normal Height: 6’8’’ Sin Form Height: 8’8’’ Gender: Cis Male (He/Him) Sin: Gluttony Game Role: Main Level Boss Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐ Sinful Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Player/NPC Name: Caine or ‘Boaster’ Real Name: Caine Ringler Career: TV Show Host Age: 28 Normal Height: 5’5’’ Sin Form Height: 7’5’’ Gender: Cis Male (He/Him) Sin: Pride Game Role: Main Level Boss Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Sinful Level Difficulty: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sinful Circus AU is an AU where Kasper, or Kaufmo, ends up within a prison made by a deranged tech genius, forcing people who have wronged them or wronged society into a horror filled hellscape where they slowly forget who they are and slowly think that they’ve always been nothing more then NPCs and AI within the theme park/circus. Every character, once succumbing to their fate, is given their own section of the circus- however any who end up dying end up becoming reused code for the rest of the theme park. Kasper ends up befriending the most sane “NPC”, who is Pomni. Although she’s not exactly your ally, she’s still willing to help- even if at times she tends to dive into her NPC brain here and there, but never on purpose

I've been reworking for like over a week now, and I'm SO HAPPY with this new version of it. It's exactly how I wanted it to be ^^. Here's some things to clarify:

YES there will be more characters. No, you can't ask for your ocs to be in this AU. I will ask YOU for it if I want them in. But there won't be many -

YES I will allow this to be a SHIP AWAY kind of AU. Notice how there's no sexualities. I want as many people to enjoy this AU as possible, so I will allow you to ship to your hearts content, even ask me questions about certain dynamics. The only thing I ask is that if you make any fan content of the ship Bunnydoll (Jax x Ragatha), I ask to NOT show it to me. I don't wanna yuck anyone's yum, that ship just personally makes me uncomfortable, but if you like it- ship away- there's no judgement here -

NO you do NOT have my permission to make ask-blogs or chat AIs around this AU. You can have ask blogs inspired by (EX: Swap AUs) but nothing more. I don't want any misinterpretation about Sinful Circus, especially since I've worked very hard on this. I hope you understand -

ASK AWAY! My inbox is nice and OPEN to any and all questions you may have! I'm not trying to hide anything about this AU, but the masterlist doc is still in the works, so if you have anything you'd like to know, just inbox it to me! I suggest keeping any suggestive questions to a minimum- minors follow me after all -

YES for fan content! Inspired by this and wanna make something with it? You don't have to tell me twice! GO FOR IT! And please @ me if you do so! I always love supporting my fellow creators, so go right ahead!

I think that's everything for now! I hope to see you all soon with more for this reworked AU! I'm cooking up some more designs (just in the future). Have a wonderful day anyone who was willing to read through ALL of this ^^

[wof-reworked]

ok I can't stop thinking about the jade winglet, here's my gender hcs for all of them

Moonwatcher - she/they (nonbinary)

I feel like this is fun bc rn (in canon) her gender is just "anxiety" but like,,, one day in the future she gets to actually play around with it

like she captures a very specific type of person I've met who you go "oh I mean I know she's gay but she's probably cis..." and then you have like one real convo and find out they're like not only nonbinary but better at it then you

I think she should get to be butch when she's older. I think she deserves being a) massive compared to her two twink boyfriends and b) gnc as shit

Kinkajou- any/all (genderfluid +transfem)

Kinkajou strikes me as being like. totally ambivalent to gender. Kinkajou changes her pronouns based on how the fruit he ate for breakfast makes him feel. Kinkajou is better than you

I think she was like staunchly using she/her for a while bc it just felt right and like changes pronouns situationally- Rainwing village is she/her, Jade Academy is any/all, close friends it varies, etc etc

Qibli- he/they (transmasc)

Qibli's just always kind of known who he is, and has been like. pretty contentedly in his corner for a while. I think it's like- a pillar of stability for him of like "at least I know I'm (x)"

Proximity to Moonwatcher puts the they/them in there bc I think it's nice when ppl get more comfortable so they start branching out a lil bit :> Qibli has like. guy who says "he/they" because he doesn't mind they/them and wants his friends to feel supported y'know

Winter- he/him (cis + gnc)

Look I feel bad making him one of like. two cis ppl at JMA but like I think it's funny if he's cis but inflicts a status effect of gender envy on every trans person in his proximity

guy who does makeup flawlessly because "it's fun" and decimates your sense of identity as you wonder why the fuck god gave these gifts to a man

extra funny for the fact that as a dragonet he gets offended by the implication he's pretty. he gets over it eventually I think

Turtle- she/her or he/she/they (transwoman/trans)

See here. Otherwise I think she's like trans and this could go in like. any fucking direction ngl

transmasc turtle??? hell yeah !!! transfem turtle??? hell yeah !!! gender is whatever Turtle has going on and god knows if she knows it

last egg to crack bc Turtle is immune to self reflection that isn't anxiety and self loathing

"Haha everyone hates how other people refer to them and their gender what do you mean? :)" (entire jade winglet: cringing with worry)

Umber- he/him (cis)

cis and a lil insecure about it but like. he's just nice :)

he's like experimented with pronouns and gender and found none of them really stuck so like. cis+. cis (extended dlc). you know what I mean I hope

gonna be honest I'm lost for him bc I genuinely forget he was there bc he peaced out so fast. justice for my boy I want to know more !!!!!

I could be persuaded for transman Umber ngl,,, it tempts me,,,,,,

Peril- she/her (trans woman)

On one hand I'm torn bc I think it almost doesn't make sense for her backstory BUT ON THE OTHER HAND the idea of Scarlet being supportive of Peril's identity and LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE is hysterical to me

though actually if we wanna get sad,,,, that 100% could be a manipulation tactic of Scarlet. "see I love you I even accept you" etc etc. now I just feel bad man

Peril's also in the same camp of Qibli of knowing this abt herself since she could think and being happy in it. She knows what she's about

BONUS:

Carnelian- she/they/he (transmasc)

Look butch can be a gender and sometimes you're a mean butch skywing idk what to tell you

wish she stayed alive bc her and Moon could've been legendary together. girl who will kill for you vs girl who desperately wants you to do anything else please we talked about this you can't solve your problems with murder

I think Carnelian's true gender is Skywing Patriot and idk how to put that in hc form but this is as best I've got

[trans-all-at-once-tournament]

Propaganda

Edit: This should be labeled Round 3

Envy:

- Shapeshifters all have some gender stuff going on, especially ones that choose to look gender neutral

- Little egg me was OBSESSED with them

- In Brotherhood they don't really have an assigned gender as they're just a lizard creature made of souls in their true form

- What Cis person dresses like that

Nimona:

- Shapeshifters are inherently trans.

- Started out as a whisp of red in the movie so no AGAB, so any gender is trans for them

- In the comic their parents accuse them of being a changling that replaced their "Real" Child, so there's some queer angst

- They spend the movie being told it would be "easier" if they were just a girl and pushing against that

- "And now you're a boy." "I am today"

- "But I'm not a girl. I'm a shark!"

- The creator is also trans and this story is partially about his feelings with that

- Any sympathetic monster story is gonna be heavy with the queerness, especially this one where the trans allegory is woven throughout every bit of the story

[unb1nding-t-b0y]

Yes I use the term transandrophobia. The fear of trans men is the direct translation but it's more nuanced in application much like transphobia and homophobia. However I think it's perfectly fitting.

When dealing with my cis family I've been told they'd be supportive because they respect trans women and weren't transphobic to my little brother's trans girlfriend. However when I correct them on my gender/ name/ pronouns the response? Anger, fear, and annoyance. Once I was even laughed at when I referred to myself as my little sisters big brother.

The fact is many cis men view my existence as an annoyance (woman made herself less fuckable and is ruining that body I want to fuck) or fear (this woman is trying to become a man and invade manhood this is an insult and a threat to me personally).

Among cis women I'm met with anger (when I talk about getting top surgery or when I was considering going on T the women in my family attacked for ruining my body out of envy (I have big tits most women in my family are flat chested))or infantilization (you're just a tomboy you need to grow out of it and embrace your femininity)

within the trans community I often experience erasure and silencing because I identify as male. In real life I deal with trans women at times saying entirely transphobic things that no cis person would ever dare to say to my face in the largely trans populated city I'm in. Transphobic cis people often go quiet or just avoid me when confronted with my transness they understand they shouldn't say transphobic shit in public. But trans fems? I've been told to my face than anyone who wants to be a man must be insane. My response? A reminder that patriarchy and manhood are not synonymous and that many trans men like me took forever to figure out they were trans because of how much they've grown to hate cis men. I didnt yell at her or assume she was being hateful on purpose, I understand the feeling of "why would anyone want to be the gender I was assigned at birth" but I also understand that ranting about that to trans women is divisive and counter productive.

Trans men have been less visible in media and because of that we deal with different treatment and honestly we need visibility right now. Reproductive rights are under attack for trans men and cis women and everyone else with a uterus. On top of that the transphobic legislation being passed harms the entire community not just trans fems. It's incredibly hurtful to be told you're a man now you should be quiet when the women are talking when my community has largely been silenced and erased. It's a type of violence to silence vulnerable communities and as a community we should never be weaponizing that against each other.

Until every trans man woman and nonbinary person is safe no one should be silent. Don't talk over each other, don't silence people whose experiences are different from your own, instead listen, educate, and organize and most importantly unite. When it comes to talking about transphobia we all belong at the table. When it comes to transandrophobia let trans mascs have the mic. When it comes to transmisogyny listen to what transfems have to say and let them have their floor. It's really that simple.

[muffin-gods]

I want people to reblog this and put in the tags characters or real people you often feel gender envy towards. It can be a list or just one. I'm curious.

You don't even have to be trans to reblog this. I believe cis people can have gender envy as well

[clownakai]

Bleh. Pinned post time 💥

Hi! I'm Atlas and this is where I'm very neurotypical about DetCo :)

Here's a helpful guide to the things I will probably talk about the most:

☆ My favorite clown in the whole wide world (Akai Shuuichi/Okiya Subaru)

☆ The Akai siblings in general

☆ Movie 24 <- guy who is extremely neurotypical about this thing

☆ The "Shuuichi and Conan as absolutely unhinged unofficial father and son" agenda

☆ The "Shuuichi and Jodie as the best friends they deserved to be" agenda

☆ Whiskey Trio Era 💥💥💥

☆ Whiskey Trio (OT3 edition), Scotchrye, Akam

☆ my WIPs

More info under the cut :)

Character tags!

☆ #! [character name] -> I can and will assign random posts to characters. This is how I keep track of them

☆ #subaruposting, #shuuichiposting -> I get gender envy sometimes okay. Leave me alone (explodes)

Miscellaneous tags!

☆ #yapping time -> welcome to Atlas Reading Too Much Into Irrelevant And/Or Largely Inconsequential Things (may or may not be backed by actual manga/anime screenshots) ^_^^

☆ #brainworms time -> writing tag!

☆ #my sandbox now -> general headcanons tag!

☆ #m24 my beloved -> I'm normal about this movie I promise

☆ #atlas.exe -> memes/shitposts/you name it

☆ #detco rewatch, #detco reread -> what it says on the tin

☆ #detco text posts -> meme format specific tag (I like scrolling through these :3)

List of WIP/AU tags!

☆ #detco spoilers -> recent manga chapters tag!! Beware!!

☆ #genderfuckery AU: none of the Akai siblings are cis 💚 unfortunately for everyone they have to figure that out first. Specifics are as follows:

#genderfuckery: the slut shirt fic -> Akai Shuuichi

TBD -> Haneda Shuukichi

TBD -> Sera Masumi

☆ #almost people AU: general vaguely eldritch fuckery re: various characters. Specifics are as follows:

#almost people: soliloquist -> Akai Shuuichi

TBD -> Miyano Shiho

TBD -> Vermouth

TBD -> Edogawa Conan

TBD -> Hagiwara Chihaya

☆ #amnesiac akai AU: what it says on the tin 💚 things go wrong at Raiha Pass, and Shuuichi ends up actually scarred and amnesiac, disappearing from everyone's radar— including the good guys'. He's fine though, just living his best life out there. Camel suffers as a direct consequence of this. Also, Shuuichi and Subaru are separate people here, and this may or may not be a slight crossover with something else (purely for comedic potential). No real plot tbh, but I do find it funny to build upon it from time to time

☆ #pokemon AU: also what it says on the tin 💚 originally started as me assigning teams to detco characters and immediately devolved into whiskey trio angst + general clownery. Mostly a silly little AU I occasionally write snippets for

Dynamic-specific tags!

☆ #unofficial father and son -> anything Shuuichi & Conan adjacent

☆ #the fucking akai family -> exactly what it says on the tin

☆ #we could have had it all -> Shuuichi & Jodie agenda save me

☆ #nagano gang -> exactly what it says on the tin

☆ #OTP: they keep me sane -> Yumi/Shuukichi tag

☆ #OTP: divorce of the century -> Rei/Shuuichi tag

☆ #OTP: they make me sick -> Scotch/Rye tag

☆ #OTP: literally married -> Hiro/Rei tag

☆ #OTP: insane soulmateism -> Heishin tag

‼️ Disclaimer: I use OTP very loosely here— more for tag format convenience than anything. Shipping is less important to me than you'd think.

💥 This post may be subject to future changes! 💥

[ari-the-jellyfish-yume]

I just need to rant about how much I love sweetheart (and it'll be very messy because I'm not even gonna bother to make this post have a sense of order, I'm just gonna type how my thoughts come out). Be warned that this includes heavy self-ship thoughts, so there will be quite a bit of that insanity here.

Like holy shit. I love this fictional woman so much she is so pretty and so cute and so silly and so funny and so cool and oh my god I love her so so so much /r. I am in love with this fictional woman that were she to be real, she'd kill me on the spot. But that's okay! Anything for Sweetheart! I don't know if cis people can use the term gender envy but if not, I feel something similar to it towards Sweetheart specifically. I really want to dress like her so bad. I want to have a huge pink bow. I want to have long pink hair. I want a big puffy pink blouse and pink high heels. I want pink fingernails. I might not be opposed to dressing like some of her other outfits. Sweetheart is singlehandedly making me more feminine. And yes I am 100% certain I'm a cis male, she's lowering my masculinity anyways. I love her so much I want to be like her in some ways. If she were to be real and not kill me somehow I would want to be her greatest friend and do everything for her and if she'd let me, I would want to date and marry her too. Waaaaaaa I love her so fucking much how did a fictional woman who is an objectively bad person manage to do this to my brain who is aromantic. She singlehandedly turned me fictoromantic. I have so many thoughts about her being real and the things she would likely do to me and let's just say that despite what those Things would be I would Enjoy it. I am very very normal I promise I am so normal. And if both she and Molly were to be real. Well first and foremost I would love if they dated so my ship could be real because ahhhh they're so cute together but second of all if Sweetheart were to fit in my headcanon of her potentially being polyamorous, I would like to also date her. And since my fictoromantic crush only extends to Sweetheart, not Molly, and I also believe Molly to be a lesbian anyways, not bi, I would like to maybe just have our relationship (Molly and I) be best friends or qpr at best (I still really love Molly too but that's all platonic love. Not romantic like with Sweetheart) and we both date and marry Sweetheart maybe. And again I still do love Molly platonically, I would love to be her friend she's still my 3rd favorite fictional character of all time after all. Okay that's my crazy self-shipping rant over feel free to make fun of me because I am very aware that I am a bit insane about Sweetheart.

[butchpeace]

Heyyy I hope it's okay that I message you. I just can't talk to anybody about this topic...

I felt a little down and wanted to lift up my mood by searching for anime art references and draw a little. Problem is that I didn't found the aesthetic I wanted or more like I found it but it's "femboy" and that was the aesthetic that triggered my gender dysphoria and it still kinda does. I searched for similar aesthetic but for girls like "femgirl" but it's just not the same and that actually made my mood worse...

I really do like the aesthetic but I just can't look at it anymore because it gives me "gender envy"? But it's not the gender. It's just the aesthetic!

I also saw a reddit post about the same problem and the first comment was "You may be trans*! :)" And that's so frustrating! I was there and know how it felt like or still kinda do and that people just assume that stuff because "a CiS gIrL cAn'T bE a FeMbOy" frustrates me even more...

(It was the same as "I don't like being a woman" "You may be trans*! :)" and that's just not true. I hate being a woman but that's normal like gender dysphoria is normal. I'm Cis and still have to deal with gender dysphoria and that's okay. It's not nice but it's normal!)

That was also why my gender dysphoria got worse. But "Femboy" is also an aesthetic (Like Punk can be a clothing style, a music style but also a political orientation) and it's also normal for girls to like this kind of aesthetic even tho there isn't a "female" version.

I don't know what to do with this struggle and of course there are bigger problems in the world but my best coping skill became my worst trigger point. It kinda feels like that this aesthetic was my drug and now I need to recover but I just don't know how...

Maby any tips?

I think everyone sometimes wishes they could be someone else, or that they could be something that’s impossible for them to be. It’s completely normal, especially as a young person! And it’s especially normal now that we have social media and the internet showing us all these different aesthetics and things to be jealous of.

I don’t want to diminish this at all - your feelings are important - but my advice is honestly to spend less time online and less time in spaces that have content that triggers you. Keep making art, but maybe focus on drawing the kind of women you want to see more of!

Anime has always done a pretty shitty job with its female characters. A lot of anime (maybe most of it) is downright sexist. Misogyny in media of any kind is what leads to young women not being able to connect with female characters. Your interest in femboy characters could stem from the fact that they’re feminine but not sexualized. They’re respected as men while being able to express themselves femininely. But what we see in the media isn’t real life. By definition, it’s someone’s fantasy. Just some food for thought 💛

[fandomjumper247]

folks, I think I am a lesbian.

I have been hesitant to say this, because I am genderfluid and sometimes my gender is male, so "what if I'm screwing over the Real Lesbians by being male sometimes?"

But honestly, I really don't think I'm attracted to men, and the thought of being a lesbian feels good. I have literally had to remind myself that I'm "attracted to men"

And I don't hate men ofc. I have plenty of friends who are men. I just don't want to date any of them.

I've had strong feelings for men before, but I think that was gender envy bc I know for sure that I'm not cis.

Anyway, I'm not sure why I'm dumping this here, but I'm doing it anyway.

[adhbabey]

Trans stories are cute and sweet but I feel like someone plucked me from a gay little indie horror game and put me in the real world. Because I feel like someone headcannoned me with 15 different genders and put it in a me sandwich.

Like. Trans people experienc tumultuous and hard stories, often with nice endings. It's simple. It's real. A lot of trans people don't think twice about it.

But me? It still doesn't feel real. I don't want to transition, so I don't see myself as trans. But oh, god. My gender sometimes feels like a survival horror game.

Im not cis, I'm not trans, I'm something else. And sometimes it's really easy to be a girl, but sometimes I look in the mirror and just hate what I'm wearing and hate that I have to go out to be someone else.

Im perpetually not here. If it was simple, I'd get to call myself trans and be done with an ordeal of my identity. But I can't view myself that way. It doesn't work like that. It's not a choice to be so complicated.

Im not saying being trans is easy. I'm just in envy of a life where you can face the world knowing who you are, regardless of your struggles and situation.

I just can't be pink, blue and white. I'm the whole goddamn rainbow, and when all those colours become one, it turns black. I wish it was white. The stripe to represent me.

[none-of-your-biscuits]

*transes your blorbos for my personal benefit*

Cat duo au

Nonbinary (They/them) Adrien and genderfluid (he/she) Juleka

Juleka has been pretty androgynous most her life, so once he realize he preferred to be perceived certain ways it wasn't that big of a deal at home. That being said, she had experience in in presenting himself as a genderless entity.

Adrien lowkey gets gender envy from Juleka.

When Juleka learns about Adrien's identity she's really laid back about it and Adrien is like "????" because they are having a crisis.

Juleka does his make-up differently depending on how he's feeling, but its usually never picked up by anyone other than Luka and Rose and later Adrien.

When Juleka can't tell if its a boy or girl day she'll ask Luka (or Adrien if they had a sleep over) to flip a coin and decide for him.

Juleka doesn't teach Adrien how to do their makeup, instead watches youtube tutorials with them. I feel like Adrien has some prior knowledge of makeup because of modeling but they don't fully grasp the process or how to make it look a certain way.

Adrien tells Juleka the crabby patty secret formula to altering the super hero suit so she can look more masculine if she feels like it.

Juleka gets a slight undercut that is very visible when he transforms because her hair is in a ponytail. When Adrien knows Juleka is feeling more masculine they will call him tiger instead of tigress. Some fans catch on, some don't.

Rose likes to pet Juleka's undercut.

When Juleka realized she was genderfluid he was also praising the universe that Rose was panromantic.

Anarka: "Oh, daughter o' mine-" Juleka: "son" Anarka: "Oh, son o' mine-"

Natalie, walking in on Adrien cutting Juleka's hair while in a skirt: "... you're going to clean that up..., right?"

Also, once Chloe joins their sleep overs, deep late night talks lead her to realize she might not be entirely cis. They also lead Juleka to believing he has the power to steal people's gender.

Adrien never really comes out. Once Marinette and Rose pick up on Juleka only ever using they/them for Adrien they both start doing it somewhat subconsciously. After that the class catches on.

Chat has done patrol with the nonbinary flag around their shoulders. Same with tigress, but the genderfluid flag. (I almost typed Panthera instead of tigress)

Anyways, I think I'm done with asks for the night.

G'mornin/G'night.

.

JOKES ON YOU!!! I ALSO TRANS MY BLORBOS FOR MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT

Ur so correct for this actually

Juleka gender fluid is so real and true. Also I planned nb adrien so long ago and just never said it get out of my head

(Ps. I also always say Panthera and then just redo it into tigress. Panthera has a grip on a specific group of people that will never leave)

Also. Chloe has demigirl swag I will not accept any contradictions I am correct

ALSO JULEKA UNDERCUT canon. Like I'm pretty sure I can dig up a convo with cap I had abt that when crocoduel came out Bc we are deranged

I also

physically wheezed from krabby patty secret formula to changing the suit

Pov. I accidentally ignored all my asks yesterday because I was listening to the Magnus archives season 1 for the first time and playing Minecraft

[grimacingheron]

At this very moment, I just finished reading "Hell Followed With Us" by Andrew Joseph White and I am vibrating. Dawg, the beautiful and viseral feeling of becoming a monster, being a queer person, and trying to fight against an evil church and your own want to maul everyone.

(I also finished it just under two days. This is me humble bragging.)

While I suggest this book, it's important to know that is does have some content warnings you should be aware of(none of which is really talk about for the rest of this post). "Hell Followed With Us" does contain a lot of talk about Christianity, churches, and the immoral use of religious beliefs. The book graphically describes gore, violence and diseases. Just be sure you know what you're gettin' into. :)

Potentially mild(very mild) spoilers about the book below. I'm not specific about events, it's mostly just my opinion and vague references to what I'm talking about.

I love Benji, the main character, because, so far in my Real Book™️(physical book) reading experience, Benjamin is the first character I've read to get close to understanding how I feel about my body and my identity. I am not a man. I am consider myself trans because of how I understand the word. I have transitioned from who I was to who I am now. I am very masculine in my presentation and like to be perceived that way, but it's not what I am. I think it's just easier. Anyway, Andrew(author) describes Benji as not really caring about the size of his meager chest or other feminine-seeming features until he thinks of someone else seeing his body that way. The author does such a good job of describing that, which would make sense considering the fact that White is a trans man himself. I love how he describes Benji's transness. Putting to words feelings I know I've had.

Cormac was probably my second favourite next to Nick, of course. I know Cormac was kinda dickish, but he showed he genuinely cared in other ways. Unlike Calvin, who I totally didn't occasional confuse with Cormac. I like Cormac. And Salvador. Sal's attitude toward Cormac was funny and xe were just a really good, really genuine character. The neo-pronouns are also a pog. >:)

The monsters. I fucking love birds and wings on people and the idea of angels being these fucked up creatures. The gender envy I get from a fictional(that's important) person-turned-monster. It's fucked up in a way cis-people'll stare at me for, but also in a way that other people who want to "sharpen their teeth and bite(quote from note at the beginning of the book)" will sagely nod at. This book is, ironically, the gospel of how I feel some days. Angry at the world, at people, uncomfortable in myself because what people see, what they think. It's nice to be seen in such a way. I know that somewhere, other people feel like monsters, too. Either by choice or forced that way.

Beaded lizards. :) I have one that I made with a friend before I ever read the book. They had which is why they had the idea. Mine's smallish, only the length of my palm, with a green body and yellow eyes and toes. It's a nice weight to hold and it's floppy- slinky. I can't remember if I named the lizard or not. I don't think it needs one. If I had more beads, I'd probably make more lizards, but that's an art supply I don't need filling my drawers.

If you want to talk about this book or give me recommendations on what to read next, send me an ask or something. :) I'd love to hear from literally anyone else who's read this book. Thank you.