#i'm burying myself in sand and suffering to the end of time

[kate-apologist]

i am my own biggest obstacle in literally fucking everything

[bridgertonbabe]

Signing off.

I never really thought I'd ever write a post like this and to be perfectly honest I feel a bit cringe for even making a thing out of this but I felt it necessary to address those of you who follow me and my writings.

In the last month I have been suffering severely from anxiety, waking up to what feels like a ball of dread clutching at my heart and being unable to shift it for the better part of the day. It's all come to a head as of late because I've reached a crossroads in my life where I've realised just how unhappy and unfulfilled I am. Truth to be told I really don't have any aspect in my life that I am happy with and for years I've dismissed myself and my own desires for the sake of others to the point where I have no self worth, no self confidence, and I just feel like a shell of a person. Realising that I can't go on like this, that I can't live the life I aspire to without sorting my mental health out, I've taken the first steps in getting counselling and in going to the doctors to be put on anti-depressants.

While I'm already starting to feel better, I've decided it's in my best interests to take some other steps going ahead; which is I'm logging off this account.

Don't get me wrong, this account has brought me fulfillment in the last two and a half years and I've had so much fun interacting with so many of you but as of late I've become very disengaged with Bridgerton. It's one of several of my hyperfixations which I have become anxious with in the last few weeks, in part because they are what I used to immerse myself in as a means to distract myself from a dissatisfying existence, but now I've decided to make a change in my life for the better, everything that I once used to bury my head in the sand has now essentially given me the ick. Bridgerton is just now one of several things that I feel the need to distance myself from in order to fully focus and concentrate on bettering my mental health as well as getting what I want out of life.

As much as I've taken pride in writing because of Bridgerton, my dream has always to one day publish a book of my own and I need to refocus my energies on writing my own original stories to have the chance of maybe being able to make that dream a reality. I would have so dearly loved to have been able to complete a whole host of WIPs (would have also loved to have been able to just focus on one story at a time but c'est la vie) and I can only apologise to anyone who's been hoping for an update from any of them.

You will still be able to read all of my works on AO3 (plus I've restored a couple I had previously hidden from view), and I won't be deleting this tumblr so all of my drabbles and various posts will still be here for you to browse and read at your leisure.

Though I'm stepping away from this account, I don't necessarily know if this will be forever. I might well end up in a better place mentally at some point and return with a healthier state of mind where I can enjoy Bridgerton again, and I would never rule out contributing writings again - however as it stands, I don't want to promise anything and taking care of my mental health is my main priority for now and the foreseeable future.

I also just wanted to take the opportunity to thank every single person who has ever liked, reblogged, and interacted with me since I joined. I had never previously shared any of my creative writing online and thought it would be nice if even a single person somewhere vaguely liked anything I had to share - but over the last two and a half years I've been given such a boost from the amount of people who have reached out and commented on any one of my silly writings. I don't think you'll ever understand just how much it has meant to me and the love and appreciation will stay with me forever.

That about does it, so thank you all for everything. I wish you all a lifetime of health and happiness.

Signing off,

Shinnie

xxx

[instructionsnotincluded]

urgh i’m sure you’re sick of hearing about it but i have no friends who watch obx and idk where else to channel my feelings 😭 I AM SO UPSET. I genuinely can’t believe they’ve done this, i was lulled into a false sense of security by the announcement for season 5 because i thought surely Rudy would hang on for one final season. I was so convinced rafe would die after his goodbye to sophia that i was distracted from the real danger (sidebar i hated that they build up that relationship just to end it in one sentence over a phone call, i really had hope after rafe telling her it was okay).

I wish they’d brought it to a close this season so badly and just given them a happy ending. The worst part is i was genuinely enjoying part 2 for the most part even with the crazy plot lines. I was hopeful we’d get some real resolution following JJs crash out with him facing up to his issues and talking it out, particularly with Kiara.

The lack of Jiara was genuinely so jarring and obvious i assumed it was intentional and would come to some sort of head wherein JJ would acknowledge how distant he had been and there would be some kind of emotional breakthrough/makeup for the couple but NO. like they really gave us nothing like the handshake when they parted ways had me screaming WHAT WAS THAT.

the death was so so badly done like obviously we would never be happy with JJs death but there were so many better ways around it, having him actively die protecting the pogues not just randomly being stabbed while standing around, having him actually get to say goodbye to them?! POPE NEVER GETTING TO SAY I LOVE YOU BACK?? and like why was he buried in the sand in fucking morocco that literally broke my heart like alone and to be forgotten and never visited in the fucking desert?? Im so angry i’ve been so excited for this season for the longest time and had so much hope based off part 1, i really felt like they’d been listening to the fans and giving us what we wanted in terms of season 1 vibes and i was so hyped to rewatch it all once i finished yesterday, but now the entire thing feels so tainted??

he suffered so much for absolutely nothing and no reason whatsoever. i feel i can’t even rewatch the parts of pt2 that i enjoyed again because they’re so tainted by the jarring energy between rudy and maddison now that i know it’s not part of the plot. it’s so glaringly obvious that none of this was planned, even if there’s some truth in them initially wanting JJ killed off there’s no way they would’ve followed through with it after seeing how much of a fan favourite he became. like they really gave bro an entire arc of suffering with no resolution other than him saving sarah then just killed him??

i feel so upset today idek what to do with myself, i can no longer enjoy any of my jj content without feeling so heartbroken. at least if they’d just had him leave or given him some form of resolution before his death the whole series wouldn’t feel so tainted… sorry for this insanely long ramble i just needed to offload this somewhere. thank god for people like you working harder than these god damn writers to produce actual good plots 😭💗

Never be sorry! We're all upset! I haven't seen any post or response defending the season, like I do really think everyone hated the ending and hated the way it went down. I've seen a lot about just wishing it had gone down different, not that he didn't die, but that it was for an actual reason. Which is a complaint I have about a lot of actual books. I'm not upset someone died, I'm just upset that it always feels pointless and makes the story feel like it should never have happened.

I was also lulled into the false sense of security with season five. I thought for sure it was because Rudy wanted to leave and they decided to give it a proper ending and not doing anything drastic with his character. Oh how I was wrong. My hope is that Rafe and Sofia are able to work through things in season five, and that they can get to a better place, because I do think they really love each other, and I do think they still do. But I guess we'll see if they force Kiara and Rafe together or not...

You can very much tell that there is a lot of tension between JJ and Kiara because there's a lot of tension between the actors. It was not hidden well at all, they barely interact with one another and if you haven't watched Season three or the first part of season four, you would never know they were supposed to be in love. If anything, it looked like they hated each other.

JJ's entire death scene and the scenes following were just piss poor. Everything about it was bad, and I think it's because everyone knew that this was going to be bad. Everyone knew this would end the show. They're literally watching and filming the end of this series and these stories and they couldn't do anything to make it better. I think it feels and looks so bad, because they felt the same way we do about it.

I'm upset too, it's been a trash week and it feels like the one thing we were looking forward to made it so much worse. It's ok to be upset, and it's ok to not want to see or read anything to do with the Pogues right now. Totally understandable. I felt the same way right after, like do I want to take a break from Audrey and JJ for a while? But I decided that JJ's still alive as long as we write him, as long as we love him, and I think we all deserve that.

[6mayhem]

it's something i can't really relate to. i kinda consider the kind of depression that draws attention to itself a privileged man's affliction. your suffering being so meaningful to you that you're willing to pay attention to it. for depression to affect you, there has to have been a time without it in your life. otherwise, you just learn how to function around it. that's just my thoughts. and it's been bad, but i always used fear to fuel me. you can't ever be stagnant or else you will rot faster. i have truly deep respect when it comes to death and i don't understand how others can deal with it so lightly. i would never kill myself because it is insulting to everyone who doesn't have a choice. it is insulting to everything that gave me life. it is the easy way out. maybe that's me. Sure on an intimate level I have been at a point where i understood it as the easiest way out. i would argue i always have and it's always on my mind, that I could always end my suffering, but I would never do it. just because it's so deeply disrespectful I guess. it's like leaving the movie theater halfway through a bad movie. sure you may be wasting your time but no matter how much it sucks, people have worked hard on making it happen. idk. maybe it's like some kinda catholic guilt I got. i am not a guilt-free pleasure seeker. i understand deeply that all my joy comes at the expense of someone else's pain no matter how simple that joy. what i struggle with is denying myself joy at the times where i need it the most, which leads to stagnancy. because fear is not enough to fuel me when I am truly drained, but I will not allow myself to refill that metaphorical empty cup, so I just lay and wait until it happens to me. wasting many hours. I want to teach myself to always do something . I don't believe in the tumblr philosophy of just do whatever the fuck, its too careless and lacks foresight... i don't believe in promoting hedonism. hedonism to me is like the other side of the evil coin of workaholism: you both understand that life is meaningless, so you both try to fit meaning into it....you will both die. pleasure will not save you and work will not save you either. will something save you? i don't know. I'm still looking. I think it's stupid and egotistical to write off thousands of years of culture as all meaningless. as if you know more than everyone else. but I get overwhelmed looking into the dozens and dozens of different approaches to meaning because each one of them most be true, right? maybe not created equal but each one means something to someone. that's the scary part: if we truly create our own meaning, there's no one to tell us if we're right about it. that can be freeing or incredibly terrifying, depending on how much you thought about it. There is no god and that translates to a much more terrifying truth: there is no mother/father. there are only people who birthed you, but they are frauds, they were never what you thought they were meant to be, because that thing doesn't exist. there is no one who can tell you the truth. not your mom not god no priest no politician no friend no loved. you're alone. in that way, you can either decide everyone is beneath you, or you're in the hole with them . But never make the mistake of assuming someone's above you, because then you'll bury yourself in the sand with your own hands and cover your own eyes if you believe that another man could tell you what only a god could tell you. just my two cents. but it is scary, knowing no one has answers, so the truest answer must be the one you yourself came up with....I think our worst disease as a species is our lack of trust in ourselves

really how do other people live their lives so peacefully? there has to be a level of ignorance. of thinking your peace is worth more than everyone else's. and you have to think you're significant, you're truly, deeply, important

[maximoffcarter]

Time goes by.

Pairings: Natasha x reader (frienship), Wanda x reader.

Summary: After the snap, y/n and Natasha tried to move on with their lives as hard as it is; y/n misses Wanda terribly, but knows Natasha is always there by her side. But what happens when she's not anymore?

A/n: I don't know where this came from, but I ended up writing it in a depressive moment and it came out like this. At first I thought it didn't make sense but I wanted to share it with all of you. Also, I feel like I'm preparing myself again to say goodbye to Nat...but yep. I'm running out of ideas even if I still have some requests and some more to post, so if you have any requests, my ask and messages are open!

Y/n had always been an optimistic girl, always trying to push people to do their best, always trying to get them to do whatever they wanted to do and always with a smile on their face, she was sometimes that annoying girl that always tried to make things better for everyone; to say the least, she was the opposite of Natasha. Not that she wasn’t positive, but Natasha had her own way to show things, she was a badass, while y/n tried her best to not show that side of her, unless they were on missions. Natasha had been a sister to her since forever, missions together, sometimes with Clint, but they always stuck together, supporting each other and being the people they needed there.

Natasha had been the one to get y/n out of that dark place she always had to be in, doing missions she had never wanted to do, or just being in places she didn’t want to stay in. Joining the avengers had seemed pointless, she had wanted a normal life out of anything that had to do with fights or missions, but she would do it for Nat. And thanks to that, she got to meet Wanda, even if it took her a very long time to really get to tell her about her feelings, it had been worth it; also all the pushing and long talks with Nat, she had helped a lot.

So when Thanos happened, of course Natasha was always there for y/n, and y/n was there for her. It was the two of them for a while, Clint had disappeared, Steve tried to keep living his life in his own way, Tony was nowhere to be found, Bruce also disappeared, and the rest…they were all gone. They both tried to get any idea, any plan to get them back, but it wasn’t easy, so on some days they just decided to keep living and have their own little fun, even if they always ended up crying together. Y/n missed Wanda terribly, Natasha knew that, but y/n always tried to hide it.

When they finally got a plan, it almost seemed like Natasha knew what was going to happen next or as if she had expected something to happen. The day before, they had taken the time to prepare for the mission, it wasn’t going to be easy, but it was something they had agreed on doing. Y/n had spent most of her time in Wanda’s room, afraid of what may happen, afraid that it wouldn’t work, afraid of everything really. It had been years, years of suffering, years of crying, years of not having her by her side, but she was also thankful she had not been alone at all.

Y/n smiled softly as she looked around and decided to leave the room. She closed the door quietly and as she looked up, she noticed Natasha’s door room open, she made her way to the room and smiled softly as she found Natasha sitting on her bed. She slowly made her way in and closed the door behind her, making Natasha look up at her.

“Do you think it will work?” Natasha asked quietly.

Y/n shrugged. “We can only hope.”

Natasha nodded as she offered a tired smile. She padded the empty space beside her as she laid down. Y/n joined her a few seconds later and looked up at the ceiling just like Natasha, suddenly feeling Natasha grabbing her hand and intertwining their fingers.

“Do you remember that one mission where we had to stay in Mexico for a few days and we stayed near this beautiful beach? Every night we would go lay on the sand. We barely got any sleep for how painfully annoying the mission was.” Natasha chuckled softly.

Y/n joined her and nodded. “We also had a lot of tequila. It wasn’t that bad.” She grinned as she looked at Natasha, biting her lip softly. “Are you afraid?”

Natasha looked at her and smiled. “I don’t know. I want to believe that everything will be okay, that we will get everyone back.”

“But?”

Natasha smiled. “But we never know what can happen.” She sighed. “But also, you’ll get your witch back. I know you miss her more than anything.”

“I do. And that’s what makes me happy about all this.” Y/n smiled. “But something just doesn’t fit right.”

“Aren’t you miss ‘it’s all gonna be great guys! We can do this!’” Natasha mocked her as they both laughed.

“Ass.” Y/n laughed. “I mean yeah but…everything has changed in these past years. I’m afraid.”

“Everything will be okay.” Natasha smiled as she leaned in and kissed y/n’s forehead. “We’ll be okay.”

That night, both of them had gone to sleep with a clear mind, after many hours of laughter, jokes, memories and just talking about anything they could think of. It had been a night to remember for both of them. They had slept throughout the whole night, y/n in Natasha’s arms, both of them finally feeling like things could really get much better, and soon everything would go back to normal; it had finally been a peaceful night. The next day, everyone prepared what they needed to go ahead with the mission, they all had been serious at first, focused on the things they were doing. Natasha and y/n found each other before they all reunited and for some reason, y/n felt the need to hug Natasha, no words needed.

Space seemed to be the best place they had gone to so far, it had been the best experience they had, until they got to Vormir. Everything had happened too fast, they didn’t have time to think things through, not when both of them were stubborn. The last thing y/n remembers was trying to hold Natasha’s hand tightly to stop her from falling, Natasha looked at her with love and sadness at the same time,

“N-Nat…don’t do this to me. Don’t leave me!” Y/n cried out.

The last words she heard were ‘it’s okay’ and ‘I adore you’, the next thing happened too quickly, a scene she didn’t want to remember. She woke up in water surrounding her, she sat up confused until she noticed the small stone on her hand, bringing memories back to her. She sobbed uncontrollably as she looked down at the stone, she had lost Natasha, she wouldn’t be able to bring her back. She yelled at the top of her lungs as she cried; if this didn’t work, she was going to be heartbroken.

____________________

It felt selfish. It felt selfish to feel a little happiness in her. It felt selfish to smile. It was hard, but she couldn’t help the happiness she felt as soon as she saw Wanda. After the battle, after them winning, she ran to Wanda and hugged her tightly, crying as she buried her face on Wanda’s neck, crying tears of happiness mixed with sadness. She couldn’t get any words out, she couldn’t really talk about it right now, but she knew that after this, it was going to be hard to hold it in together.

They barely talked when they went back to safety, no words were needed when they both knew what was going on in their minds. They both showered together, and Wanda held y/n the whole time, she could feel her pain, she could feel the sadness and it made her feel the same way because even if she wasn’t as close to Nat as y/n was, she still loved Natasha, she had helped her through so much and she couldn’t believe either that she was gone.

The next day, Tony’s funeral happened. It was unbelievable to think that they had lost two members, they both sacrificed their lives to save the world. Y/n said nothing, just kept holding Wanda’s hand and she stood by her side the whole time. They both had gone back to their hotel room, y/n wanting to shut down entirely, but was also scared that she would lose Wanda too, so she pulled Wanda with her to bed and hugged her close to her, never wanting to let go.

The next few days were the same, Wanda would go get them some food and bring it back to their room so y/n would have something to eat, but she barely finished her plate and then went back to lay down, sometimes to sleep, sometimes to cry, but mostly she wanted Wanda to always be there with her. She stood up to go to the bathroom and take a shower, but even then, she always asked Wanda to join her. It broke Wanda’s heart to see her like this, she knew y/n wanted to be okay for her and wanted to make up for the time they lost, but the sadness took over her, she knew she missed Natasha terribly, she didn’t know what else to do.

____________________

Bucky had brought the last things that he had found in the mess of the compound, recovering some clothes or belongings that were buried but remained in a good state after the whole disaster, it had only been a box and some stuff he had gotten for both women. He was worried about y/n but also didn’t know what he could do for her or how to help Wanda. As Wanda went back to the room, she found y/n still asleep, giving her the chance to look at what Bucky could recover, mostly they were clothes that now seemed to be clean, she then found a letter that had Wanda’s name, but decided to leave it at the end. Her eyes then laid on something that she didn’t think she would see again, not after the disaster that was left in the compound.

She looked up at y/n and noticed she had started to wake up. She smiled sadly as she laid back the item inside the box and walked to the bed, laying down beside her and kissing her forehead softly.

“Hi, moya lyubov.” She whispered softly as she kissed her nose.

Y/n offered a small smile. “Hi.” She whispered back.

“Did you sleep well?”

Y/n shook her head. “I had a nightmare. But I couldn’t wake up.”

Wanda nodded softly. “Well, you’re back. With me.” Wanda ran her hands through y/n’s hair and leaned down to kiss her lips softly.

“I’m sorry.” Y/n whispered against her lips as she felt tears in her eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, my love. I know…I know it’s hard. I don’t blame you for feeling this way.” Wanda rested her forehead against y/n’s and sighed. “I’ll always be here.”

Y/n then smiled sadly again. “I know. And I’m glad you’re back. That you came back to me.” Her voice broke as she placed her hand on Wanda’s cheek. “You know…Nat had to deal with my sorry ass when I didn’t feel okay and when I missed you…she had to hear me cry and as much as I tried to live…I needed you. I missed you.” She confessed with a sad smile on her face. “She knew you would come back to me.”

“I’ll always come back to you.” Wanda smiled. “And I won’t leave your side. Not when you need me the most, not in your best, not in your worse. I’m here to stay.”

“I love you.” Y/n whispered softly as she pulled Wanda for another kiss.

Wanda smiled against her lips. “I have something for you.”

Y/n furrowed her brows. “What is it?”

Wanda stood up from the bed and grabbed the box she had left in the small table, walking back to the bed, and sitting down beside y/n.

“I don’t know if you remember, but when we fought Ultron, back in the tower, Pietro gave me something to wear because well…everyone was getting ready and dressed to fight, and I only had a simple dress.” She chuckled softly at the memory. “I didn’t know who it belonged to, until a badass redhead asked why I had her jacket.” She handed the leather jacket to y/n and smiled.

Y/n gasped as she grabbed the jacket, sitting up on the bed and placing it on her lap. “This is…”

“Nat’s.” Wanda smiled as she looked at y/n. “She let me keep it, I used it maybe one or two times after it.” She bit her lip. “I know it’s not much, but…it’s all yours now.”

Y/n sobbed quietly as her hand traced the lines of the jacket. “Everything was buried. I thought…I thought there was nothing left.” She hugged the jacket as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Well…Bucky brought the box not too long ago. Some clothes were okay, and this jacket survived.” Wanda smiled sadly. “It might not smell like her anymore but…it was hers so.”

Y/n nodded softly as she looked back up at Wanda and smiled. “It’s ours. I’m sure she protected it for us, as lame as it sounds. She would laugh at me for saying that.” Y/n laughed softly, a genuine laugh after so long.

Wanda chuckled softly and nodded. “I’m sure.” She bit her lip softly as she looked back at the envelope. “There’s also…there’s this thing that…has my name. I just…I didn’t know if I could open it.”

Y/n furrowed her brows as she looked inside the box. Her eyes widened as she grabbed the envelope. “Oh my god, I didn’t…” She smiled widely. “She really did protect these things.” She whispered softly.

Wanda furrowed her brows as she looked back at her. “Is it important?”

Y/n smiled softly as she handed it back to Wanda. “After 2 years, Nat and I went on a road trip just to clear our minds and be away from the compound. We drove until we got to New Jersey and we got to this small…town.” She smiled at the memory. “We uh…we drove around, and we saw all these houses and there was an empty space.”

Wanda looked down at the envelope and opened it as y/n spoke, her eyes scanning what it had inside, her heart stopping for a moment.

“As much as Tony was upset and wanted to make his life with Pepper and Morgan, he still helped me, and he bought this place for us. I didn’t start the whole construction because well…I wanted it to be a thing…for us…and I-“

Wanda interrupted her as she jumped on her and kissed her lips softly. Y/n chuckled and wrapped her arms around her, kissing her back just as softly. Y/n knew she still wasn’t over the whole Nat thing, but she remembered what Nat had told her, that everything would be alright, and Wanda and y/n would be back together. So as selfish as she felt, as bad as she still felt, as much as she missed Natasha, she knew Natasha wouldn’t have want y/n to be sad because of her, she would indeed pull her out of bed just like she did many times when Wanda was gone.

After a few seconds of the sweet kiss, both women pulled away with a big smile on their faces. Y/n looked into those green eyes she loved so much and smiled, Wanda doing the same as she placed her hand on the back of y/n’s neck, caressing it softly.

“I know it’s been hard, and I haven’t been at my best. But…maybe this can help us out.” Y/n shrugged.

“We’ll get through it together.” Wanda whispered softly.

“I’m sure Nat will finally be happy to know we are going to start the house. She was desperate for me to start it but understood why I didn’t.” Y/n laughed softly as she looked back at Wanda. “But I know you won’t leave my side again, and..” Y/n licked her lips. “…we can finally have that life we talked about.”

Wanda smiled. “We can finally have it.” She whispered softly as she pulled her for another kiss.

[magic-is-something-we-create]

Weekly Writing Update Feb. 23, 2022

Progress made: 5.6k words of drafting (and 1.2k of very loose scripting, ~1k of attempted Planning that i decided was a bad idea bc i much prefer pantsing) WIPs worked on: Echoseers (total wc: 43.3k) Writing streak: 194 days (shooting for 200!) Current chapter + POV: Chapter 8, its a mess of different POVs as basically a series of vignettes setting up each person's arc during the party split that takes up the majority of the book

Favorite line(s) since last update (the last bit of an Ember POV nightmare sequence; Trigger Warnings: references to and significant description of pain, corpses, unreality, being buried alive, and body horror; deep ocean- and eldritch-inspired horror; brief unwanted touch and subsequent discomfort):

“Have you seen the depths of this world before, Elder?”

A bright, uncanny light washes over me. My shadow is two, one recognizable and struck through with lacing cracks of fire, and one stretched and bent in all the wrong places, a hole cut straight through the chest. A hole, a triangle. A rib, leaned on as a walking stick.

“Have you seen the ruins of what you’ve done?”

The voice hisses as if on air, as long, bony fingers grip my shoulder and the silky silhouette of the second shadow’s hair spreads like a net over both of us. Like a sheet, like a veil. Like mine has never been able to, for the tight coils and the frizz and the natural twisting of my locs.

“Have you seen the bodies still screaming in the chasms of Eqia?”

Another hand, clawing and desperate, grabs onto mine buried beneath the ocean floor and pulls, mixing drawn blood with salt and sand.

“Have you forgotten your promises?”

Grit and silt and rot join the water that has seeped into my being as I’m buried, the creature behind me tracing my spine with its distended finger as I’m tugged ever-further beneath the ground. Dust scrapes against my throat and cuts at my lungs and burrows into my stomach. Rock squeezes around me, as unbearable and immovable as the weight of the ocean above, and clamps down further.

“Have you forgotten that this world isn’t yours?”

Heat blooms, searing and endless and bright and liquid. It envelops me and brands every inch that already itches with blisters. It bleeds into my soul and bursts in a heavenly Fire before it begins to eat away at what is left. The voice follows as my skin melts from my flesh and my flesh slips from my bones and my bones char and my screaming goes unheard, unspoken, unforgiven.

“Have you forgotten what happened the last time the ocean ran red?”

I’m left to drift in the magma, shrieking myself hoarse as the choir of an entire planet’s suffering joins me.

Scene I'm looking forward to:

the end of this chapter is when the first of a series of love letters is found hidden in someone's luggage and im very excited for it 🥰 also im going to get to write a bunch of nightmares like this one and introduce lore and history that's referenced in them and im SO PUMPED.

This week's soundtrack:

Found (Jim Perkins rework) by Marika Takeuchi and Jim Perkins, シンシャ by Yoshiaki Fujisawa, and Spellborn by Sham Stalin. (yes that second one is from an anime ive never watched. yes it came on recommendation from a friend who has also not watched it. yes we exist)

Notes/Thoughts:

honestly? no thoughts head empty, just fun vignettes and excitement to write the next pair of interludes, since this is the last chapter of part one i think <3

still debating who will be narrating the first interlude (im bouncin between introducing more of the arc 2 POVs a la the dawn interlude vs shipname emphawis backstory) but the second one will be titled "the king" in accordance with Preestablished Narrative Symbolism Things and will be from actaea's POV :)

[thehollowprince]

I'm actually very ship and let ship so long as you're doing so like, with your eyes open about what you're doing. So when TFA came out and r*ylo became a thing I thought "I personally hate this but at least we can have some good conversations about why we see a white man being violent to a woman onscreen and instinctively parse that as romantic." What a clown I was, huh? Years later all the "Ben is a cinnamon roll uwu" discourse has turned me entirely off Star Wars. Let alone the damn kiss.

Oh, you're preaching to the choir.

I've long grown accustomed to people shipping the weirdest or even outright abusive ships, but I stayed in my lane. I realized fairly early on that no matter what you say to these people, pointing out how toxic or abusive a relationship is, that they'll bury their heads in the sand and outright ignore you, oftentimes shouting about how I (and others) are "ruining their fandom experience".

That's why how I found myself in the "Anti" community (if such a thing exists). I started tagging my posts condemning these horrible ships appropriately, and they (the shippers) still came for me, often trying to use their own history of past abusive relationships as justification for supporting the ship. To which I usually responded with "to each their own" while scratching my head as to why, if they suffered that kind of abuse, would they support a ship that repeats that behavior.

I stay in my lane, but these people don't take any criticism of their ships well. It always baffles me as to why they go looking for posts that criticize something they love, but that's an overarching fandom problem that I don't have any kind of an answer to.

Circling back to R*ylo, I've said it on my blog many times before, but I originally liked Kylo. I thought he could have been one of the best villains in the Star Wars franchise. When I left the theater after The Force Awakens, I was hopeful. I left that theater knowing that Finn was the male protagonist/lead of the new trilogy and under the impression that Finnrey was going to be the big romance. But then Johnson and Kennedy did The Last Jedi and everything went downhill after that. They just reinforced the stereotype that all bad (white) guys (they're always white) actually suffered some horribly tragic backstory and therefor they're just "lashing out" and are totally justified in their irrational anger.

Someone said it better than I could, but (and I'm paraphrasing here) the reason so many of these villains or antagonists are romanticized or immediately forgiven (both by the narrative and the fandom) is that we're used to the POC being the bad guys, so when a white guy is the villain, the white guy writing him feels a kinship and says, "well they're not bad, they're just misunderstood".

For the record, I'm a diehard Finnpoe supporter. I thought John and Oscar had amazing chemistry together and within the confines of the story, it would have taken minimal effort to make that relationship happen. That being said, this is Disney, and I never actually expected that to happen. I, like many others who watched the movies, were certain they Finn and Rey would end up together, but sadly that didn't happen.

Speaking of Finn, the fandom's complete erasure of him as a character and lead is what made me be so anti R*ylo, because more often than not, when trying to woobify Ren, they systematically dismantled Finn's character and gave his backstory and redemption and nice qualities to Kylo, thereafter calling him Ben Solo. This all-encompassing notion that a black man couldn't be seen as a viable love interest for the white female lead is obnoxious and leads into a further discussion of why fandom, despite constantly calling for more Characters of Color, often overlook them, especially when they're in main and/or leading roles.

(I mean, we know that they only want the diversity if it's in a subservient role to the white people, but they don't know that we know, so we're not going to talk about it. Well feign ignorance a little longer.)

But this problem of cannibalizing a hero of color to enhance a white character isn't new. Anyone who's been to my blog in the last few weeks knows that I've been dealing with a particular Anon who absolutely loathes Scott McCall, a Mexican-American character and the titular character of the show Teen Wolf. That fandom (probably the most toxic I've ever encountered) had continuously gone out of it's way to demonize the protagonist to prop up his best friend/sidekick, often by stripping Scott of his good qualities and draping them around Stiles in an attempt to make the character more palatable.

I used to be very much a "ship and let ship" person, but I draw the line at the erasure/demonization of the characters of color in an attempt to make those crack ships happen.

(PS: sorry I took so long to get to this. Tumblr is... well, Tumblr, and I haven't been getting the notifications that I've gotten mail.)

[nightblink]

Blink Reads Oathbringer - Chapters 121-122 and Epilogue

And so it is that we come to the end.

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Twenty-One – Ideals

Oh, hello Moash. How are you doing, now that you've accomplished what you set out to do?

'Shouldn't Moash have felt pleasure? Or at least satisfaction? Instead, killing Elhokar had only made him feel… cold.' Yep, there it is. Cold. Like your heart, asshole.

[winces] And of course by this point the Fused have made many of the humans of Kholinar slaves, to clear out the battle-rubble of where they once lived.

Note: confirmed in-book that there are only nine orders of Fused (which means they're probably missing access to one of the Surges)

What is in the palace that they want

NO. YOU KEEP THAT MEMORY. YOU SUFFER THE MEMORY OF HOW KALADIN LOOKED WHEN YOU STABBED ELHOKAR.

Looks like there's at least some of the Fused who are trying to catch up on what they're missed in the past four thousand years.

“You have killed a king. Would you do the same to a god?” Oh maaaaaaaaan, you know where one of the insane Heralds is. Jezrien, if that sapphire is any indication (and if it has any meaning beyond just being a gemstone) but the gold-white metal sounds important too. Oh this is not going to go well.

---

I love Navani. 'EVERYONE BETWEEN ME AND DALINAR BETTER MOVE.'

That has to be a little hilarious to see, though, because while Kaladin's only just a little bit taller than Dalinar, Lopen is short. They make for rather lopsided crutches.

SHOO, BOYS. Navani please

Ahhh, that's how he thought to trap the Thrill to begin with. Remembering Taravangian's words helped capture it in the end, but Navani is the one who inspired the plan in the first place. If anyone can manage to find out why the King's Drop(/Honor's Drop) was able to capture the Thill, it's her.

'Something unconventional, perhaps uncomfortable.” “Anything. What is it?” “I want you to teach me how to read.” OH HOLY SHIT. DUDE. DUDE. WHAT EVEN IS THIS THIS IS FANTASTIC

---

[winces] Shallan is still very Not Well – and it is the true Shallan that is the most tired of course, because she is the core, and right now, it's just easier for her to be her masks.

At least she's apparently going to actually dedicate herself to her wardship now? She won't flee?

But at the same time, the inside of her mind is spinning, spinning, spinning, the two mask-personalities flickering and overlapping her and I was right to worry because she's not settling as she calms down and lets the adrenaline and battle furor fade away.

They are going to have to pull out all the stops to explain the day's events to the Azish, admittedly. With any luck, Queen Fen can help them with that.

'He skidded a little as he fell to his knees beside her, then raised his hands – only to hesitate, as if confronted by something very fragile.' He can tell. He was going in for a relieved, exhausted hug and maybe a follow-up kiss but he can see she's masking.

Flicker, flicker, flicker, 'Adolin searched her eyes. She bled from one, to the other, and back. A moment of Veil. A moment of Radiant. Shallan peeking through– Adolin's hand tightened around her own.' Excuse me while I go scream about this, this moment of quiet worry and understanding and him knowing Shallan, the real Shallan, picking her out from her shields against the world without even a word. An anchor for her to steady on.

“Most of the blood isn't mine. Well, I guess it is. But I'm feeling better.” Oh my god, way to understate 'I almost died but at least the internal injuries are healed?'

Ahhhhh, and we get a moment of pure, quiet physical contact as they hold each other on the wall in all the aftermath of the blood and fear and chaos, and it's just the two of them taking comfort in simply holding each other and being and it's lovely-

And then when he quips to lighten the mood a little of course that's when Kaladin lands not far way and Veil barges up to the forefront. And the way she looks at/is responding to Kaladin's presence… [winces] Shiiiit, that’s- that’s not a good blush from Adolin; he sees where she’s looking, sees Veil-Shallan’s immediate interest in Kaladin and abrupt dismissal of him. That’s an embarrassed, hurt, I’ve-been-deluding-myself blush. Piling that on top of his already-low self image right now, that's… haaaah. I wouldn't be surprised if he started trying to back away – women have a tendency to leave him, after all, so why wouldn't this relationship end up the same, no matter how much I love her?

I'm surprised that Radiant is on Veil's side of preferring Kaladin now, considering that she was the mask-personality that preferred spending time with Adolin in the first place. That seems almost like a switch that's Convenient Because Drama.

!!!! Shallan, exhausted and overwhelmed as she is, is managing to assert herself?! 'They were not her. She was occasionally them. But they were not her.'

You have done some healing.

---

'She attuned Appreciation anyway. An old rhythm. She loved being able to hear those again at will – she could attune either old or new, and could make her eyes red, except when she drew in stormlight.' I'm so glad that we have a Listener Radiant – I mean, I'd hoped it was going to be Eshonai, but all the same – LISTENER/SINGER RADIANT I'M SO STOKED. She can hide herself among the Singers and Fused, too, keep them thinking that she's a Regal while she observes them and listens to what Timbre has to say. (I'm betting she's a Willshaper, but I could be wrong…? Stoneward is a possibility as well, since those two and Dustbringer were the ones that were missing from Dalinar's Radiant-count if we don't include Taln as possibly 'counting'.)

Yeaaaah, I thought it was impossible too, but it looks like that's not the case.

[hums] The Singers on the ship make some very good arguments, and those same arguments are probably happening all over the world now that the Singers' minds are awakened again, and not trapped in Slaveform. After the intial 'what's going on' assessment, we haven't heard what the rest of the Singers around the world are doing.

“I know who you were. Keep working, and let me tell you of the Listeners.” Yesssss, spread the songs and history of your people! Keep them alive!

---

Nightblood. Nightblood, not everything has to be destroyed.

How the hell is 'Obedience' one of the Dustbringers' Divine Attributes when you have Nale saying of the Skybreakers “The very reason we swear to something external is because we acknowledge that our own judgment is flawed.” I mean, come on.

You say that Ishar survived with his mind intact, but isn't he the one going batshit crazy and calling himself a god/priest and wanting to kill everyone? That doesn't sound all that 'intact' to me.

“The law is made by men, so it is not perfect either. It is not perfection we seek, for perfection is impossible. It is instead consistency.” The Skybreakers continue to confuse the hell out of me.

Well, there's the Ideal. Next up, cleansing the Shin of their false leaders. Hopefully that won't be as bloody a task as the last leader-culling spree you went on was.

“You may find him a harsh master.” “He is a good man, Nin-son-God.” “That is precisely why.” ………..fair.

Aaaaand he's still going to train with the Skybreakers, or at least with Nale, despite the fact that they're technically on opposite sides now. That's going to cause some interesting clashes in the next book, I'll bet.

Nightblood, please

---

Of course someone was making tea. There is always time to make tea.

[winces] I'm… not sure how long it'll take you to find him, Shallan. He's probably not doing too well right about now, no matter how well he may look like he's managing.

'She'd seen how envious he'd been as he watched those Fused, with their flowing robes, moving like the wind.' He was probably more jealous that they got to fly everywhere than of the robes. He does like to stay aloft. The skies are Kaladin's domain.

Lots and lots of dust, though he wasn't so much fighting a bag of sand as something much more solid.

Ouch. She put his arm around her shoulders herself, when usually he's the one who's super-tactile. That alone should sound Warning bells going off! Something's wrong! for her, and he's not responding to her efforts at being lighthearted, either.

'He took a deep breath, and removed his arm from her shoulders.' Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Warning bells heightened to Serious Alarms.

“I've decided,” Adolin said, “to step back.”' Aaaaaaaand there it is. I'm honestly not surprised. He's hurting and you can tell? so easily? But this is that crux point, that If-you-love-something-let-it-go moment of ‘I’ll step aside without another word if this is what will make you happy (even if it breaks my heart)', and he's backing that up with his body language with the way he goes all stiff and tall, like he's bracing himself and doesn't want her to see him falter.

[buries face in hands] There he goes with his concept-to-words getting screwed up between brain and mouth and I feel you on that, man, I really do, but oh my god Shallan please take him apart for that “I'm going to let him have you.” sentence.

“I'm holding you back. I see the way you two look at each other. I don't want you to keep forcing yourself to spend time with me because you feel sorry for me.” HELLO SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES. Even disregarding that, though, that's… okay, it's really dumb that he's not asking her her feelings on Kaladin first, but also it's really selfless of him, trying not to put any pressure on her about it.

I can't keep quoting here or I'm just going to end up going through the entire thing line by line-

THANK YOU FOR RIPPING HIM ON THAT LINE SHALLAN, there is no one who decides who 'gets' you because you are not a prize, but also please bash him over the head with the fact that this is your choice, not what attraction he's convinced himself that he's seen between Veil-You and Kaladin

….it's a good thing that she paused for breath because he'd never get a word in otherwise. That tirade definitely counts as smacking him upside the head with her honest opinion.

OOOP THERE'S THE PHYSICAL CONTACT COMING BACK (along with probably as much of an admittance of his inner weakness as he's going to give). And yet he still asks her are you sure, because he is going to Respect Her Choice and he'll be damned if he doesn't double check to make sure he's getting what she's saying exactly right, for both their sakes (because damn if it doesn't look like he wants to pin her against the alley wall right about now)

Still voices his worry for her concerning Veil and Radiant, and tbf she needs someone who will do that, and who will also be there to remind her who she really is if she starts slipping away and losing herself again.

“But that's the thing, Shallan. I don't want anyone. I want you.” [clutches chest] Be still my beating heart, but I'm such a sucker for things like this.

Ah, and now they get to have a heated makeout session in the alley. Good, they have some passion to work out and Adolin has some physical contact and dumbass words to make up for.

---

It is going to be a big effort to get the thunderclast's corpse out of that high tier of the city. Maybe once the next highstorm renews the spheres, the Radiants can help take care of that.

Oh good, Kaladin's not feeling bitter or jealous either THANK YOU SANDERSON. THANK YOU FOR NOT MAKING THIS A CLICHE LOVE TRIANGLE

Syl. Syl you can Kaladin need to sit down and have a Talk if this is how you're going to continue to be about his relationships both platonic and possibly-romantic.

“I don't think I loved her, Syl. I felt… something. A lightening of my burdens when I was near her. She reminds me of someone.” [cups hands] THAT'S CALLED PLATONIC LOVE, KAL, AND ALSO FRIENDSHIP and he's actually acknowledging that thank you once again Sanderson for having Kaladin realize the difference between Friendship and Romantic Love

And now I'm going to go sob over the memory of Tien thankyouverymuch

“He was your first god, before you turned to Honor.” HMMM. So. Perhaps the demise of the planet that the Rosharan-humans originated on was related to the fact that Odium was their only shard? If they came here and found Honor (and likely Cultivation as well), that could mean that the original Radiants weren't Radiants as we know them at all, but bonded to Voidspren of Odium.

'You could protect your home. You could kill to defend the people inside. But what if the people you killed were only trying to get back what was rightfully theirs?… Could anyone really be expected to let go because of what ancient people had done, no matter how dishonorable their actions? Who did he fight? Who did he protect?' Not easy questions, not with the humans having been on Roshar for so long at this point that they even forgot their own origins, and they're questions that're going to require much, much more in-depth assessment in the next book from every POV character we get.

That's… given Dalinar's vision, I'd thought the Recreance a single event, but that makes much more sense.

“The oaths are about perception, Syl. You confirmed that. The only thing that matters is whether or not we are confident that we're obeying our principles.” Hence why you couldn't say the Fourth Ideal. You couldn't say it and be confident that you meant it, much less could follow it. It also explains how the Ideals within each order are similar at their core but differ in small ways, like how Teft's Third Ideal differs from yours.

It is going to end up a little bit messy, but I imagine that that's why there's seven books left.

Cultural note: kuma = crushed lavis grain and spices, served with flatbread; Kaladin counts them as travel rations

“It doesn't change us, Teft. We're still who we are.” And that's the point. Broken people, the lot of the Radiants, and now Teft has a new perspective on that reality that he didn't before. He'll understand Kaladin a little better now, knowing that even storming Stormblessed is as broken as he is. And he has Bridge Four to help him, as Kaladin does. They're not alone in this.

“We lift the bridge together, Teft, and we carry it.”

I'm not crying you're crying

---

Did the Heralds disappear off somewhere during the battle? We haven't seen hide nor hair of Ash or Taln since the Radiant-count Dalinar did before everyone split and the POVs started flipping like popcorn.

Oh hello Taravangian. FUCK OFF.

He's fairly intelligent today, and Dalinar's at least starting to see a glimpse of his true colours – but only as much as Taravangian's choosing to reveal.

!!!! You think you've found Battah in Kharbranth? Ohhhhh, is that how you found out that the Dustbringers would be the most receptive to the plan of the Diagram, you found their patron Herald

---

Oh hello Moash. FUCK OFF.

Haaaaaaah. That old madman was Jezrien, I was right. Well, not anymore, though whatever that knife is that Moash is using to murder him, it's doing something – the dark smoke coming from the stab wound makes me think if Nightblood, but that glow at the pommel insinuates that they have him trapped there. Doing that should be possible, since the Heralds are a variety of Cognitive Shadow, but how the Fused/Odium figured out that not only could it be done but how, I'm not sure. Considering that they didn't want to do it themselves, though, there's probably consequences.

---

Lopen has a spren (at least one that's attached itself to him) and he plays hide-and-seek with it (him?) and teaches him rude gestures. Should we have expected anything less?

Dru-! Sanderson, you had better bring Drehy and Skar back alive; let them have a reunion, and a happy one at that.

'Kaladin had entered, glowing softly, speaking with some of the surgeons. Knowing Kaladin, he was probably telling them how to do their jobs.' Truer words have likely never been thought, Lopen, and you well know it. The poor surgeons probably have years upon years more training than Kaladin does, but he is glowing, so of course they're listening and nodding along. Glowing does that to people.

Haaaaaah. That's the thing, Lopen – just because you have an optimistic outlook doesn't mean that you're not broken. That looks different for each individual. Just because you're relatively sane or stable doesn't mean you're not cracked through.

JOURNEY BEFORE P A N C A K E S. Lopen have you been hanging out with Lift. You have, haven't you.

OMG. Of course he'd been wanting to save it for a dramatic moment. Hah – that's not quite how it works, Lopen. That is the moment to use your double-rude-gesture, though.

Kaladin plz

---

Ahhh, and now we get back to the Heralds. That answers where they were during Chapter 120, though. 'Talenel'Elin had broken like the rest of them.' He just took longer than the rest of you -  the hardiest soul of the ten.

Uhhhhh, Ash, I don't know if you've been keeping up with Ishar, but he's kinda gone completely bonkers. You won't find any answers with him.

[eyebrows rise] 'She'd stamp it all out. She would ruin every depiction.' ….huh. Given that you were one of those on the field when Radiant Roll Call was done and there were no Dustbringers there, you might be a potential Dustbringer, considering that you're in the lineup to get a POV book in the second five. That sounds like very destructo-Dustbringer thinking.

!!!! Is Jezrien your actual father, or is that an excuse that you're giving to explain away the collapse? Also, confirmation that whatever that knife did to Jezrien, it tore his soul away from the cycle the heralds were bound to, though still unknown exactly what it did.

Midius? That must be one of Jasnah's contacts – and Jasnah definitely recognises the two of them for who they are.

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Twenty-Two – A Debt Repaid

!!!!!!! Dalinar retained the ability to infuse spheres and people with stormlight! That wasn't just an effect of the opening Perpendicularity or a temporary buff!

Oh thank god Drehy and Skar are alive – and on top of that, Vathah and Red and Ishnah… and Gavinor

ohhhhhhh, Teft and Lopen weren't the only new full Radiants-!

---

Back to Taravangian – compassionate Taravangian, who in all honesty should still fuck off

Who is now hearing voices in his head, and I don't think it's a spren. (But you never know…)

And he's the one who let the Singers in! Probably by using Malata to unlock and use the Oathgate, and from there the Honorblade was stolen. Ohhh, you scheming cremling of an old man. Not only that, but he and the others of the Diagram know to call the 'parshmen' Singers when none of the protags do as of yet.

'The confrontation predicted by the Diagram would happen soon.' what confrontation. Taravangian, what confrontation are you/they talking about and are we going to see it next book

Inviting Odium in like a goddamn vampire, that's just great

'Do you really think you will ever be able to negotiate with me from a position of power?' Oc course Odium wouldn't consider compassion to be power, but only the intelligent end of the scale. Still, it's not like there's any position of power for a human to 'negotiate' with Odium from in the first place.

Golden light, golden words – gold is as much Odium's colour as red is. Considering that one of his Unmade gives the Death Rattles/the power to foresee possible futures, he likely had a hand in granting Taravangian the ability to make the Diagram as well.

'A ripple in what Odium could see… At its root, a name. Renarin Kholin.' [from the distance, a muffled 'fuck yeaaaahhhhhh']

“I need nobody.” Oh for fuck's sake, I know that the majority of this book isn't supposed to feel all ~highbrow English~ and that's fine, it's part of the writing and atmosphere, but Odium is supposed to come across as haughty, not like a belligerent three-year-old. The editor should have at least demanded that it be changed to “I need no one.”

Haaaaah, he's still trying to bargain… and even though they technically made a bragain, I don't think it'll end up how Taravangian wants it anyway. Even if Odium himself leaves Kharbranth alone, he can simply let the Singers do as they wish to it, or blockade the humans in and simply wait for them to starve. Kharbranth has nothing but the Palanaeum and its medical schools, after all. One city alone in all Roshar will still fall.

---

Back to the Shadolin Constant Physical Affection and now in front of the other highprinces/princesses, generals, etc., with added “It looks beautiful.” “You look beautiful.” “You are beautiful.”“Only because you’re here. Without you, I fade.” No goddamn wonder Brightness Teshav is rolling her eyes at them. He’s tucking her under his chin and they’re happily leaning into each other amongst a people that Do Not Do Public Affection, and being complete lovestruck morons on top of that.

AND THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK HOLY SHIT

(it's gonna be a looooong week for those two)

Again with gold being Odium's colour, though this time Dalinar is the one preemptively associating it with him – burning gold, even.

(it's going to be a very long week for Adolin/Shallan)

Iri is fully allied with Odium at this point, and they've got three of the ten Oathgates. That alone will severely restrict protagonist movement in the north-northwest part of Roshar – and I bet we'll get to see that part of the continent for ourselves in the next book.

Looking out over 'Kholinar' has to be An Experience for those in the room that haven't seen Shallan's powers at work beyond the lightmap, doubly so since it shows the city under occupation. For those whose home it is – was….. the gut-wrench must be far more.

How long is it going to take them (Dalinar, lbr, it'll have to be Dalinar's realization) that Taravangian is their Traitor™

OH AND THEN ADOLIN COMES RIGHT OUT WITH THAT IDEA

But of course Dalinar shoots it down, though at least not entirely. It may take the entirety of the next book – or even longer – as well as solid proof for that realization to come.

Ooo. Oooo. I… agree with Shallan in that Adolin has the capability to be king, but at the same time, not only do we-the-readers know that he doesn't particularly want to step higher than Highprince, but he's got some serious internal self-doubt issues to deal with that he apparently still hasn't confided to Shallan (and likely won't).

I……. was not expecting that revelation, not like this. I don't see how Dalinar/the Kholins can manage to fix this, honestly, though they'll have to do something – and Dalinar is too honest to hide it. Ialai will know, and Ialai will remember, and Ialai will have her revenge. I'll bet a handful of emerald spheres that she manages to nearly kill Adolin and he survives by reviving Mayalaran (probably unintentionally/with his dying breaths).

Admittedly, he wouldn’t be nearly as good at politicking as they need in a monarch right now; they need someone who can negotiate and carve arguments. Highprince suits him better.

---

AYYY, PALONA AND SEBARIAL AGAIN

At least all the kings and princes from before decided to come back, after the whole fiasco of a meeting that happened right before the battle in Thaylen City. I’m honestly surprised that all of them are here, because while Gawx would at least listen to Lift, what led the other monarchs to believe that they could trust the Alethi again?

‘The Kholin family, it seemed, had chosen their new monarch.’ Haaahahahahah and now you all have to deal with Queen Jasnah. If the Alethi social system isn’t entirely overturned by the time the Desolation is over, this had better result in either absolute primogeniture, or even better, aptitude.

---

Moash! Hello again, and from the bottom of my heart, go jump off a fucking cliff

So. They’re depopulating the human inhabitants of Kholinar; but where are they sending them? They can’t all be sent to work as labor in farms and fields, there’s just too many - especially with all the refugees that had taken shelter in the city when Odium’s army attacked and overran Kholinar.

Even here they’re talking about Passions, rather than just down in Thaylenah where the ‘Passions’ are worshipped and therefore would be part of the narrative that Odium was feeding to the new Singers. Considering how Odium call himself the Shard of Passion, and he used to be the Old God of the original batch of humans, that worship could have a basis from those way-back-when humans, and now that Odium is ‘on the side of’ the Singers/Listeners, he’s instituting much the same now.

“We heard something. Made us want to be near you.” [squints] ….what did you hear. Are you referring to hearing rumours, or hearing Rhythms, or hearing something else…

Well, being near Moash doesn’t look like its going to last long, and not just because of the name change. Vyre, huh. It’s a lovely-sounding name, but the meaning…. not so much.

---

MARRIAGE DAY, MARRIAGE DAY

Weddings are usually a hassle, Shallan, especially for those near the top of the social order, and it sounds like ‘everyone’ wants to try to make this a spectacle in the ‘correct’ way (as opposed to the Dalivani ‘let’s have the Stormfather himself marry us if none of the ardents will).

Of course Lift would gift her something like a dried fish. Bless.

BOOTS FROM BRIDGE FOUR. Ohhhh, they are never going to let you forget that for the rest of your life - though at least at this point it’s apparently all in good humor.

(Ialai ‘[leaving] Urithiru in disgrace’ does absolutely nothing to assuage my worries/certainty that she’ll be back for revenge)

I definitely need to draw Shallan in her wedding ensemble (and Adolin too).

'Veil and Radiant faded. When Shallan looked back in the mirror, she didn't feel embarrassed by the attention any longer. It was all right. It was all right to be happy.' I am so very, very happy for how far Shallan's come – not just over the course of this book, with all its ups and downs, but from the very beginning. Actually! Allowing herself and admitting to herself that it's okay to be happy, that she deserves happiness! Her, Shallan, and not any shade of her that comes out sometimes.

AH GOOD THEY'RE ALIVE, MRAIZE KEPT HIS PROMISE. Heheh – this is definitely a time for joyspren if there ever was one. How different she must look to them, considering the last time they saw her was so long ago, a year or more! And now she's here in this tower and a Radiant and getting married.

Oooo, only part of her debt forgiven. It's not like she was going to cut ties with the Ghostbloods anytime soon, but still – she still owes them.

However, their goals still align, and Mraize somehow knows of Sja-Anat. Speaking of Glys being one of her corrupted 'children', though, can she somehow contact them through Glys, I wonder, much as she contacted the Shallan and the others through a corrupted gloryspren while they were in Shadesmar?

A celebration of being herself. This is a wonderful thing.

---

Teft gets his own Bridge of squires! YESGOOD

That has to be really weirdly awkward, though, with Szeth – the Assassin in White – taking up duty as Dalinar's personal bodyguard. WHY DID WE NOT GET A SCENE OF THEM TALKING ABOUT THIS WHOLE NEW ARRANGEMENT. Branderson I am disappoint.

W R I T I N G

It's so amazing that just the fact that this man. is writing. sends me into fits of flailing. How fantastic, how wonderful, that worldbuilding and characterization and character development can come together in such a way that this scene makes me hand-flap a mile a minute.

'We took Shardblades from women, and they seized literacy from us. Who got the better deal, I wonder?' I think you've already determined your answer to that question, Dalinar.

Writing this is going to be greatly cathartic for him, no matter how it's received by others.

!!! He calls Rock a Windrunner – is he insinuating full Windrunner there, or is that also applied to the squires for convenience?

The light – the light from that last 'vision', the one that wasn't sent by Honor or the Stormfather. That light.

Oathbringer, My Glory and My Shame. Written by the hand of Dalinar Kholin.

[insert flailing here. lots and lots of flailing.]

Epilogue – Great Art

Still in Kholinar, Hoid? Well, interesting things are happening there, though you are risking getting caught by Odium, and that could only mean Bad Things for everyone...

Of course he'd go into this deep and meaningful spiel about art, all as witty justification for “You are less a human being, and more a lump of dung with aspirations.” The King's Wit really was quite the perfect side-job for him.

'Not a mask he put on. Real sorrow. Real pain.' You don't live as long as Hoid does, be who he is, and not have a wellspring of both.

'-level the city and consider it a cheap price for even the slimmest chance of ending [Hoid]' does sound like something Odium would do.

[hums] Making the possible start of a new family from broken fragments of old ones now lost. People underestimate how much you care.

Of course Odium would have Fused – with their memories that stretch back Desolations – that are dedicated to keeping an eye out for Hoid.

!!!!!!!!

“I know you'd rather have someone else, but this isn't the time to be picky. I'm certain now that the reason I'm in the city is to find you.” Who? Someone – or something – in the walls of the palace?

Luring with truths.

A Cryptic.

“Life before death, little one.”

[muffled shrieking]