#i'm being very cryptic
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Angst, fluff, angst, smut in that order
#no one will get it#i'm being very cryptic#cryptic ramblings#fanfic writing#future chapters#things i think about when i should be working
1 note
·
View note
Text
thinking,,,,,,,, darling who has a cryptic pregnancy....... [insert twst character here] reacting to it,,, maybe you and floyd and you're both a little dense because neither of you could have ever guessed. T_T
"what do you mean you were pregnant this whole time???? i thought shrimpy just got softer. :D" - floyb mindset.
in floyd's defense, he has no idea how human pregnancies work. he slept through that part of land boot camp!!! fell asleep the minute the professor started droning on about how humans don't lay eggs like mers do. jade can only chuckle (maybe he knew, but in classic jade fashion he won't tell because it's much more entertaining to sit back and watch everyone slowly figure it out) and azul is shaking his head in disbelief. had he known, he would have prepared well in advance to lend a helping hand. and you're just so amazed because maybe you were told you're unable to get pregnant, but somehow it happened and you had no idea all this time.
thank you to floyd and his mer virility for doing what was thought to be the impossible!!!!!! <3
#meraki mumbles#tw: pregnancy#conversely this happens with rollo and he's convinced it's a gift from god LOL he feels very blessed <3#OOOOO THIS CONCEPT WITH CATER#i need to write something with cater....... he gives me many thoughts but i never write any of them >_<#WAIT. CATER BEING SOMETHING OF A CRINGEFAIL#he kinda sorta sucks at adulting but he's trying and you're his roommate and you're not in a relationship but you fuck#and cater's okay with it because it's easier when he's not attached#but then cryptic pregnancy happens and now he's hit with the weight of: 'wow..... i'm going to be a father'#cater definitely goes to trey for advice#omg cater inviting riddle and trey to breakfast and being like 'sooooo what if i said cay-cay's gonna be a dad? :3'#he catches both of them so off guard...#AAAAAA SORRY FOR RAMBLING IN TAGS OTL
181 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's canon. The way I see it, the events taking place in the fic and after it aren't canon but a lot of them significantly mirror and overlap with what I've had in mind, so the line is blurry in places. Character details like the one you mentioned are accurate, or at least I can't think of any that aren't.
#that specific bit was discussed a couple of times in advance#I wasn't sure whether it should be included at all but I'm glad it was#sorry for being annoying and cryptic I'm just trying to avoid spoilers#the piece hasn't been up for very long yet#answered#anonymous#and yes I agree Machete's and Vasco's characterization was on point#the whole time I was 100% convinced that's how they would act#and the worldbuilding and side characters were so believable in my opinion everything fits together very neatly#big fan of Vittorio#Vittorio my boy my little man#I've been trying to figure out his design#I need to see him with my own two eyes
194 notes
·
View notes
Text
"It takes guts to grow up like you did-- thousands of years simmering beneath every kind of oppression man could think of."
"With the sky kissing the crown of my head, knighting me with space to roam and the bravery to explore it [...] Big, open fields of barley and rivers like slivers of silver, marbling my veins."
"And yet you prefer...?" "After all that life?" a breath, a laugh, caught between teeth. "Something cultivated by your own will-- the work, the dread, the sought resolution-- it is far grander than the possibility, the dream of it."
art by @fooltofancy (just. fantastic. look at them. !!!!)
#OUROBOROS#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#yor/yana#go commission vin if you want to like literally sob. The lines! THE LIIIINES!!!!#I'm so happy I could snag these bdfhksjdbf AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#never in my life did I think anyone could do Y justice in how I see them in my head. and here's vin absolutely slam dunking every line#I was very. emotional. when I got the art-- I've just been served with some dental problems and whatever the fuck else. been in a fugue sta#e when working on ouro (so much is getting done but endless tasks to do!) and this just. perked me up. (sobs) i love them so much. so.somuc#You haven't seen much of Y in the public demo but they have so many things !!! going on!! and I can't wait to share it and hear from you#often I wonder what peoples theories are on Y. I've heard the rumors#the pondering on a particular theory. and it gets me all giddy-- not bc it is wrong#but because it isn't always entirely right. sdlkfjhslkdjfhsd I love being cryptic LMAO bye. love u
133 notes
·
View notes
Note
🌹🌹
Thank you anon! Hope you enjoy this cryptic clip.
The flight to Birmingham on Sunday is long and arduous, and Jamie's uncomfortable by the time he lands back on English soil. Many unexpected things have befallen Jamie in the last twenty-four hours, so maybe he shouldn’t be surprised to see Roy Kent waiting on the tarmac. He hadn’t bothered to tell Roy his travel plans because he felt guilty having his coach drive the two hours to pick him up and then another two hours back to London. Jamie should’ve known, however, that Roy, who played for the Three Lions for years, would know exactly who to contact to cancel the driver he scheduled.
#jamie tartt#roy kent#\ (ツ) /#ted lasso fanfic#rose wip#wip#thanks anon i appreciate you!#seriously the motivation is very helpful#idk how much to spoil on this fic so I'm being purposely cryptic#gift fic
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#guys I used to write smut like ... 8-9 years ago and it was never that good I don't think but it was super cathartic#AND I WANT TO WRITE AGAIN !!!#but I'm like ??? embarrassing myself even considering it ???!#I feel like it would actually do me so much good lmao but the thought of actually writing down my thoughts makes me wanna be incinerated#that being said#if I /did/ write smut again#i'm very much so thinking about writing Elias Ainsworth x Reader#DONT JUDGE ME HE'S AN OLD CRYPTIC AWKWARD MESS OF A MAN (MONSTER)#also ofc sanji would get the princess treatment too#hiyori speaks into the void
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just saw the fnaf movie and I am literally so glad that my favorite stupid fucking bastard was in the movie and we got a springlock failure scene like was the movie the greatest no but I got exactly what I wanted so goddamn it I'm gonna be happy about it
#genuinely that portion w/William at the end was the best part of the movie hands down#like there were some things that I wish could be different and Vanessa being all cryptic to Mike was kinda frustrating#but honestly its about what I expect out of scott bc to be honest he is not a good writer#i very desperately need the next two movies like I need air#they better do mangle right in the second one and if I hear even one gender joke I'm burning the entire theater down#bc unless its a trans person making a gender joke they are not funny#and I just know it isn't going to be a queer person writing that line so it will not be funny#I do hope we get to see mark in the second one and I mean it fits since out of the first three games the second is his favorite#also the matpat scene was literally so fucking funny#also I dont watch Cory x Kenshin but he was good for his cameo in the movie#I do also wish that there was a portion that was a bit more like the traditional game#I was a little disappointed at how little we actually saw the animatronics much less them being an actual threat#like mike was able to take them down with the tazer pretty easily#which like yeah they weren't The Big Bad but like y'know#also somebody LIED bc someone said that there was a character that hadn't been revealed yet in the movie#and like everyone we saw was accounted for#so a lot of people (myself included)#thought it was going to be the marionette#SAD!#not the end of the world though#someone else also said the characters were going to talk which they also lied about but im actually glad they didn't talk#I do like how mike and abby seemed like actual siblings though with their dialogue#overall id give the movie 3.5 out of 5 stars#about what I expected#some things could have been better but I got the main thing I wanted#I mean the springlock scene I wish was a little more dramatic but I mean there's only so much you can do in a pg 13 movie#so I'm not too disappointed#overall pretty satisfied and awaiting the second one#wonder when it'll come out since like I don't think it'll be as fast as the time between like scream 5 and 6#cuz 6 came out really quickly after 5 I feel
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
bless all the people out there who keep Fandom Wikis, you are life savers 🙏🙏🙏
Also I don't say this often enough but I owe so much to in-depth tumblr dot com analyses of what makes a specific character or series or game tick. like, redditors might understand game economies, and YouTubers might get the mechanics, but Tumblr is what I check to understand the soul of a game
#look i'm being cryptic because NDAs but i'm genuinely very grateful for getting to see into your unbridled enthusiasm#and that only exists on Tumblr right now
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Was Zero the only one affected horribly? Used to be an intelligent creature now turned into an animalistic freak?
You'll find out.
#asks are neat#tmc home sweet home au#I'm sorry that i'm being vague but. i'm now worried because SOMEONE got some things right with the au despite very little info /VVVLH#So. i'm being vague with things that won't be answered for a while. not confirming nor denying anything but.#just being cryptic to prevent accidental spoilers. /lh
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
🐰 Thoughts: [Pre]Alabasta/Alabasta Arc
[WAIT A SECOND OFFICER! I CAN EXPLAIN MYSELF! ➡️ The ritalin tells me what to write and I just spew out nonsense as it comes to me. Anyway, here goes a stim-induced attempt to express a bit more about how these two became an item.]
[POSSIBLE TW: One mention of n00dity, also kinda ominous language towards the end... Listen he's a liar but aside from that they go on to have a very unproblematic relationship!! He just has to be knocked down a peg first!!]
It all starts when Bun-Bun Silva is hired at Rain Di.nners [not Bar.oque Works] to care for the Banana Gators/Ban.anawani that surround the establishment. Prior to her filling the role, it was a difficult position to fill. A job like that isn't exactly an opportunity many people would jump at-- save for a smiling local who seems much more interested in staring at the beasts during the hiring process than looking another human directly in the eyes for longer than necessary.
She takes good care of those gators. Excellent care. She’s happy to show up to her job and do whatever is needed. There’s never a complaint from her end. A bit of a quiet enigma- Silva doesn’t talk much to anyone she crosses paths with at the casino, staff or otherwise. As he does with all of his employees, Cro.codile keeps tabs on her, especially since she’s responsible for the health of his beloved pets. Sometimes the warlord overhears her chattering away to herself/the ban.anawani… she says more to them in a day than she’s ever said to any person at Rain Di.nners during the several months she’s worked there.
She has to be some sort of spy. He’s certain of it. Nobody is that enthusiastic about working with a species of animal that most people run screaming from. This is all a sad attempt to infiltrate his organization.
But after calling her into his office for a little talk he realizes that there’s nothing malicious going on. She really is just a completely innocent, if not eccentric person. And once he asserts that fact, Silva is dismissed.
Or rather, she would be under any other circumstances. Normally, Cro.codile wouldn’t bother with more one-on-one interactions. He’s not a person who entertains potential wastes of his time.
But there’s a lot more going on there than she lets out during that meeting. He can tell. He just can’t tell what it is. And that bothers him. Cro.codile can see how well she works with his pets- the gators are unusually affectionate and happy when she’s around. Silva can also be assertive with the animals, something that’s needed to maintain a safe dynamic with the apex predators. Cro.codile… appreciates that. [He’s not keen on anybody knowing but he is a big animal lover!!]
An offer for dinner is placed on the table. An offer that she almost doesn’t take. An offer that leads to a tension-filled first ‘date’. It becomes apparent to the pirate warlord that this isn’t going to be easy. Silva will not make it easy. Those big brown eyes constantly flutter over him; an attempt to figure out what’s going on in his head, just as he’s trying to figure out what’s going on in hers. Despite how sweet Silva can be, she’s equally as prone to scrutiny. There's a nervousness that radiates off of her, a hesitant wariness- she doesn't want to make any wrong moves. Yet at the same time she will not grovel or cave. Huh. In a way it almost reminds him of his own general caginess. The both of them aren’t keen on letting just anybody in. Someone has to be special for that to happen. The other party has to prove that they’re worth it.
That’s okay. Crocodile can wait and see. He's been patient over the last few years in regards to his scheme to overtake Al.abasta anyhow- why not divert a little in his free time? Everything is going according to plan. In the end, he's always in control.
The courtship undertaking is a give and take. Little tidbits of insight bubble up more and more over time. And they're... peculiar perceptions. It’s not often that somebody manages to catch his eye. And it’s certainly not normal for him to take a legitimate interest in someone who touts a lot of the traits he claims to despise.
Annoying. Weak. Soft. Pathetic. Naive. A bleeding heart.
Yet at the same time; Guarded. Private. Careful. Just a bit cynical/jaded. Even a bit of a misanthrope.
Ah... she's just enough of a realist to know that notions such as fulfilling dreams and obtaining justice are novelties few can afford. Yet her acknowledgment of how sobering reality is does little to crush her stubborn optimism. The world should have crushed someone like her long ago. And while while it certainly has bent her, she refuses to let it break her.
Humans are hypocritical in nature. Sir Cro.codile is no exception. Ironically someone like Silva - someone with so many facets he’s incapable of appreciating in others - is exactly the type of person he can trust with his life. With his secret. As a consequence of the connection between them continuing to build, that’s exactly what he ends up doing.
Silva doesn’t worship him like the hero the rest of the country thinks he is. She doesn’t shrink in terror because of his warlord status, either. Instead she’s curious about the man behind all that. Someway, somehow, she manages to point out his “positive” traits. She values his person in a way nobody ever has before. Cro.codile can’t help but let a thin lipped smile spread on his features every time they’re alone together.
When he isn’t dealing with his shady enterprise or mummifying invading pirates, he ardently seeks her out. She’s endearing to him. The way she likes to hide under his plush fur coat. The way she holds his rough, calloused hand. Hell, sometimes she even reaches out to hold his hook. When he’s trying to catch up on mundane work she often hangs out in his office, sprawled out on a chaise lounge while she babbles away about whatever is on her mind. [There are many, many conversations about animals that take place between them!] She has a penchant for sass and playful banter, but Crocodile finds himself uncharacteristically unbothered by it. There’s something about her audacity that he finds amusing. He hardly minds the misguided nagging. Something lurches in his chest when she places tiny kisses along the length of his facial scar. There’s probably a corny phase to insert here about how pirates adore their treasure, but in Cro.codile’s case? He absolutely covets her. If anyone dared made her feel uncomfortable he’d reduce them to nothing more than a dried out husk.
Silva makes him feel so… so… well, she makes him feel. There’s a certain kind of power she holds over him; the power to worm her way into his thoughts, his life, his heart…
… How did this happen? How could he have let himself become so weak? He’d resent her if he didn’t love her so much.
It wasn’t supposed to play out like this. He wasn’t supposed to get in this deep. She was an anomaly; not part of the plan. This has all gone too far. She doesn’t even know about his master scheme- Cro.codile makes sure he keeps his work life and his love life separate. Silva only knows as much as the general population of Al.abasta does as far as his profession goes. He’s smart enough to know that she’d recoil from him if she knew that he was methodically bringing her homeland to ruination. It’s best to let sleeping dogs lie, he figures. How ironic was it - that the very person who knew the absolute most about him - had no idea as to what would occur because of him in the near future?
She’ll know soon enough, he tells himself. On that night she’s curled up next to him in bed, with nothing but his green fur coat to cover her naked form. A pretty gemstone ring glimmers on her left ring finger; opal and rose gold, just like she told him she wanted. All Crocodile can do is reflect over how she managed to best him. A feat that nobody before her had ever been able to achieve. His vision for the future changed the very minute she came into his life. He can admit that [to himself]... Part of him was aware of that from the very beginning.
That doesn’t mean his objective to usurp the Kingdom of Al.abasta is going to be thrown to the side. Rather, he simply adjusts his plan to include her in it. Not that he’s going to need a queen, but he’d love nothing more than for her to be his. How romantic.
It’s not like she’d reject the idea. He’s confident Silva is far too loyal to detach from him once everything is said and done. She's just as invested in what they have together as he is. What’s she going to do? Say “no”?
[Huh? Well of course he’s still an awful person. What- did you think the power of love was enough to change the man?]
Of course, the course of events don’t play out in Sir Cro.codile’s favor. He's defeated and sent to Im.pel Down. Al.abasta is saved. Silva packs her bags and leaves her home to find a new place in the world. They’re [as far as they know] separated permanently. It's over.
...
Or maybe... maybe it's merely a little break? Maybe fate has something else in store for the both of them... an inevitable unconventional crossing of paths? A reunion of sorts?
...
Maybe it's really only just begun. >:3
#Did I take exactly a month to write an infodump post in present tense?#Yes. Yes I did.#NGL I'm not very pleased with my writing at the moment- but this is as good as it's going to get for the time being.#This was actually meant to be about their ship dynamic and detail some specific scenarios but it quickly became a rant about BACKSTORY LORE#I guess that will have to be a different post!#sorry for getting all cryptic at the end there#listen there's drama okay. how could there NOT be drama??#Spoiler Alert: These two are going to be back in each other's arms and more invested than EVER-#i feel like a fool for posting this#there are probably so many typos and incorrect fluidity to the sentence structure and IDC IDC#smoking sandman husband#S/I: Bun-Bun Silva
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
HEY A VALID QUESTION FROM MY NOTES.
You arrive on the moon to "protect the reservoir from the stalker". But you just. Go places. & then suddenly the game cutscenes and the operator is doing the best impression of a fish flopping to the floor I've ever seen.
This was not in the Operator's job description OR calendar for the day
#warframe lore just requires. loving wrangling to get into shape#i'm gonna be like#lotus being cryptic as always should go like#'to protect it the best u should totally go here.'#'wait here tenno i will activate the thing'#and then ur human body pops out of the pond no big deal#that would make very little sense. but more than canon
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't post much personal info on here, and I'm not sure any of my followers are interested anyway, but THIS was my 'office' today. I work in a pretty niche profession, which enables me to travel but also makes me rather busy at times, but sometimes mad things like this happen where we get invited to a place like this. It's incredible!
Also...the world is SO SMALL. We were invited to a...gathering, let's say...last night and I glanced across the room and thought someone looked like someone I knew *ahem* years ago (in a whole different country and context to this event) and then I realised that it was them. We haven't seen each other for double-digit years and then suddenly they're here...and for a very tenuous reason - a friend of a friend of their partner extended their invite to them. MAD I tell you.
Honestly, never worry about saying goodbye to someone because it's never TRULY a goodbye. You might not know when and where you might meet again...but sometimes life just throws you back into their path 💖
#a very rare personal post#but this weekend has been so outrageously mad I had to gush about it#work is challenging and tiring and time-consuming a lot of the time#but then I get the chance to do things like today#and I know how privileged I am#(I'm being purposely cryptic but I need to keep my anonymity)#(also I'm so behind on my series watching because of being here...but I'll get round to it eventually)
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
The urge to remain anonymous online by giving as little info as possible vs the urge to let people know "AIYO. YOU MAY DONT LIKE ME SO LIKE MAYBE DONT FOLLOW??"
Who will win?? (no one cuz I'm I can decide for my life)
#venus rambling#I'm tryna be as tumblr™ as possible by being a cryptic#But it has proven very hard to do#Cuz I'm loud and likes to oversharing 🧍♂️#Truely my two braincell fighting together rn
1 note
·
View note
Text
HEY TUMBLR IF I AM ACTIVELY ON MY SECRET BLOG WHILE REBLOGGING A POST FROM MY SECRET BLOG CAN YOU MAYBE NOT DEFAULT THAT REBLOG TO MY FUCKING ASK BLOG PLEASE
#VERY GLAD IM PARANOID ENOUGH TO ALWAYS CHECK IMMEDIATELY AFTER REBLOGGING ANYTHING HERE#WISH I WAS PARANOID ENOUGH TO CHECK BEFORE CLICKING POST THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!#GAH its not like i reblogged a skeleton cock post i was just complaining about the edge playlist struggles again#but 1. that blog doesnt need that in the middle of the unannounced deliberately extremely cryptic intermission#and 2. KINDA DEFEATS THE PURPOSE OF THE BLOG BEING SECRET#i dont know what they changed recently but its been happening in replies too where the default blog selected just fucking changes#im used to it always being the one i'm already on so i dont think to check anymore . which i guess was a TRAP
0 notes
Text
The (unintentionally) funniest things in the very serious vampire novel Dracula by Bram Stoker, in my most humble personal opinion
Count Dracula, whose only topic of interest is his own glory as a warlord of times past, dressing up as a servant and cooking, setting the table and folding sheets among other housework to fool Jonathan, probably while muttering to himself 'it's okay Vlad you're still cool you're still cool' over and over again
Dracula throwing a fit at Lucy's window while in bat form like 'You shut out Dracula? You shut him out like the mosquito? Oh, vampirism for you! Vampirism for you for all eternity!'
Dracula, once again at a window while in bat form trying to listen to Van Helsing planning his demise, and being fucking shot at by Quincey Morris and having to flee like 'wait what the FUCK was that???'
On the topic of how trigger-happy Morris is; Van Helsing going on about all the traditional lore on how to figh vampires and Morris saying 'how about we just fucking shoot him' 'yes we'll take that into account too, extra credit'
'oh lmao it's that bitch Harker, can't believe he made it out of my cas- shit he's got a knife' *immediately jumps out the window and flees the country*
Mina, fully and acutely aware of evertything relating to Lucy's death, otherwise the most sensible character in the novel: Last night I dreamed about the creature from hell that lives literally next door and I woke up this morning feeling absolutely awful. I'm sure it's nothing worth mentioning tho
Dracula's demise being larlegy in part due to the fact that he spends most of his time dealing with English bureaucracy and leaving his mail lying around. like the lord of darkness himself sitting in an office to buy a ship ticket, being cryptic and edgy while the worker is just like 'yeah whatever here you go, next' is something that actually happens in the novel
#Dracula#Dracula Daily#dracula works on the logic of a 16th century nobleman who expects everyone to crawl before him#meanwhile most people are like 'huh that guy is creepy and weird. anyway'#the original dracula novel is the prime genre shift of 'what if medieval vampires but in modern day' and it SHOWS
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Birds of a Feather - Azriel x Reader
Birds of a Feather - Azriel x Reader
Summary: Azriel had been your closest friend, made from the very same things as you—birds of a feather, as they say. But you were not the girl he chose to fall in love with. So all you could do was love your mate in the shadows until the day you died.
Warnings: angst angst angst
A/n: Inspired by Birds of a Feather by Billie Eilish, but this is a more sad interpretation of the song. Hope you enjoy! (Epilogue HERE)
• ───────────────── •
I want you to stay
'Til I'm in the grave
'Til I rot away, dead and buried
'Til I'm in the casket you carry
• ───────────────── •
A flick of golden brown hair caught your eye as Elain tossed her head back with her lilting laughter. So soft. So beautiful. So charming. You could hardly blame Azriel for being so enraptured by her. To him, she was probably the answer to all his questions, all his insecurities and doubt. To have someone like Elain look at him like that…Well, it seemed like it had healed something in him.
Unfortunately for you, it had done the opposite. It had completely destroyed you. Torn your heart into pieces. Opened new wounds and old wounds. It had shined a light on every single insecurity you felt. Because you had been praying for the day that Azriel would look at you the way he looked at her. But that day had never come and it never would.
You hadn’t been good enough for him. Hadn’t been beautiful enough to catch his attention like Mor and Elain had. Hadn’t been sweet enough to serve as a beacon of light for him. Hadn’t been soft enough to bring him comfort.
You slipped out of the back door. No one even noticed your disappearance, all too happy in this new little family they had created with all three of the Archeron sisters.
Tears lined your eyes as you hugged yourself, slowly walking along the Sidra towards your apartment. You had been naive to think you’d ever have a love like Feyre and Rhys or Nesta and Cassian. Azriel had been right that night you’d overheard him in the High Lord’s office.
The Cauldron had gotten it wrong. It had gotten it all so wrong.
Azriel was your mate. He was supposed to love and cherish you. Not her. But he had never looked your way once—not like that. You’d been best friends since the dawn of time, since you had entered each other’s lives. But that was all the companionship he could give you.
On nights like this, you almost wished you had told him about the mating bond when it had snapped for you. But you had hoped and prayed that he would come to love you for you and not for the mating bond. So you never spoke a word of it to anyone and maybe that had been your mistake.
But you didn’t want a love that only existed because of the mating bond. You wanted a love that felt real and deep—with the mating bond only serving as the cherry on top. You didn’t regret not telling him. But you did regret sticking around to watch him fall in love with another girl.
It didn’t help that Elain was the opposite of you. She was all sunshine and flowers, soft warm bread and honey. You were a creature of the night. You were the moon and its shadows, cryptic and grim. It was why you thought you and Azriel got along so well. You were made of all the same things. But he had always hated that about himself so really, it shouldn’t have been so surprising that he would look for someone who embodied the opposite.
It hurt though, it hurt so much.
You were his equal. You lived in the shadows as much as he did. Your soul was made from the same essence as his. You were birds of a feather. You were companions. He was the only one who understood you completely and you were the only one who saw him and loved him as he was—darkness and all.
You were supposed to stick together through it all.
But…he hadn’t chosen you.
You finally made it back to your apartment and hung up your coat before collapsing on your bed and letting the sobs ricochet through the utter silence of your home.
Alone once again.
As you always would be.
• ───────────────── •
Birds of a feather, we should stick together, I know
I said I'd never think I wasn't better alone
Can't change the weather, might not be forever
But if it's forever, it's even better
• ───────────────── •
All you had wanted to do today was get lost in your book and forget about your own life for a few hours. That was what you had planned, why you were even in the private library at the River House. But of course, the Mother decided to spite you once again.
Azriel sat on the armchair across from you, fiddling with Truth-teller as he ranted about Rhysand for the millionth time. He was still upset about your High Lord telling him to stay away from Elain, even though he had completely ignored those orders anyways. As far as you knew, Rhys hadn’t brought it up again.
Your jaw was clenched as he brought up Lucien, laminating on how much Elain didn’t want him or the mating bond between them. You blinked away the tears that threatened to come. It almost felt like he was talking about the mating bond between the two of you—the one he still had no idea existed.
Your heart was pounding in your chest, your stomach tossing and turning. You were so in love with the male sitting before you, so in love with your best friend. And here you were, listening to him talk about another girl the way you wished he’d talk about you.
You cleared your throat when silence finally overtook the library, your eyes darting to the fireplace that was lacking any light—cold and dusty—the same way you felt inside.
���Don’t you think…” you started, not looking at Azriel, not sure you wanted to say the words lingering in your throat.
“Do I think what?” Azriel raised an eyebrow at you.
You looked away again.
“I don’t know,” you hesitated before continuing, “Don’t you think that Rhys might actually have a point?”
You were still focused on the fireplace as you awaited his response with a bated breath. It was the first time you’d addressed his interest in Elain without being positive. But you just had to poke at it once—just once to make sure you were right in keeping the mating bond from him.
“Oh Gods,” Azriel groaned. “Not you, too.”
“I’m just asking,” you said in your defense. “What if…what if in ten years Elain decides she does actually want to give Lucien a shot? The mating bond—”
“Is godsdamn stupid, is what it is,” Azriel scoffed. “She doesn’t want Lucien, Y/n. She wants me. We want each other. Is that such a bad thing?”
“No, I’m not saying that,” you grimaced, “But what if you find your mate? Would you…would you stay with Elain?”
“Of course I would,” Azriel answered without missing a beat, digging that dagger into your heart a little more. “I don’t have a mate and even if I did, I would only ever feel sorry for her. For being cursed and shackled to me. At least Elain is choosing me. She is choosing me, Y/n. Over her own mate. If that isn’t love, then what is?”
“I don’t know, Az.” You swallowed harshly, your throat closing up the further this conversation went on. You wanted to scream and sew your mouth shut at the same time. “Is that what this is? Are you truly in love with her?”
This was it. The question you had been avoiding for months. And his answer would solidify everything. It would either put the nail in the coffin between the two of you or it would lighten the weight on your shoulders for just a minute—give you a modicum of hope to hang onto.
“I am,” Azriel snapped, surprising you with his sudden ire. He rose from his seat, his eyes narrowing at you. “What is wrong with you? I thought you cared about me. I thought you were my friend, Y/n, and you’re acting just like Rhysand.”
You shot up from your seat, eyes wide. “No, Az, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way, I just—”
“No, I get it,” Azriel scoffed, cutting you off. His eyes were ice cold. He had never looked at you like that before. It made your heart pause. “You just want me to continue being miserable. Because that’s always been why the two of us got along so well. Both lonely and so unhappy and now that I’m finally not, you want to drag me back down. Maybe one day someone will love you the way me and Elain love each other. But just because no one does right now, does not mean I have to give up my happiness to keep being miserable with you.”
Tears welled up in your eyes, your lower lip wobbling. All you wanted was Azriel to be happy. It was another reason why you hadn’t said anything about the mating bond. Because he was happy with Elain and you didn’t want to throw a wrench into that. You hadn’t meant anything by asking him those questions—only wanted a bit of closure for yourself.
Well, you had gotten closure, all right. Azriel would never choose you. He was right. You were miserable and lonely and heartbroken. Why would he choose you? But you hadn’t expected him to be so harsh. A simple yes would’ve done the same. Tears slipped down your cheeks and the anger from Azriel’s eyes was washed away.
But you didn’t stick around to hear his half-assed apology. You couldn’t. Not when your heart was being ripped apart in your chest, not as bile was rising in your hoarse throat. You dropped your book down on the coffee table before fleeing from the room, ignoring his calls of your name as you left.
• ───────────────── •
But you're so full of shit,
Tell me it's a bit,
Say you don't see it, your mind's polluted
Say you wanna quit, don't be stupid
• ───────────────── •
Months went by, all meshing together. You had avoided Azriel since that day in the library. It hurt but being around him hurt even more. It was all you could do to protect your already broken heart. He didn’t reach out to you either, instead all of his attention went to Elain.
Elain who had finally told Lucien she would never accept their bond.
And so Azriel and her had finally proclaimed their love to the whole family. A family you felt yourself slipping away from bit by bit. No one even seemed to notice. After all, it had always been you and Azriel hiding away in the shadows—content to observe and love from the corners of the room.
But now it was just you in that corner, all alone.
You stopped going to family dinners, stopped hanging around the River House, stopped going to training with the Valkyries. You began to disappear from their lives day by day. You couldn’t bring yourself to stay. Not when your mate was in love with someone else—not as they all started new chapters in their lives and left you behind.
You had overstayed your welcome. No longer Azriel’s closest friend and confidant. No longer Cassian’s sparring buddy. No longer an extra ear for Rhys to run court decisions by. No longer Mor’s dancing partner or Amren’s pupil to bully.
You became a shadow of yourself. Sleepless nights led to a lack of energy and focus. Constant tears led to being voiceless. You couldn’t even resort to alcohol because it made the steely barrier you had put up to block out the mating bond come tumbling down, flooding you with all of Azriel’s feelings. Happiness, joy, lust, desire, satiation.
It was just a reminder that you weren’t the one giving him those things.
But you couldn’t disappear the way you wanted to. Not when a new war started with Koschei. Despite months of not being around, Rhysand still sent you a notice to come to a meeting to discuss strategy and to inform everyone of new developments.
You wanted to ignore the summons but the thought of Azriel going into battle again without you around to watch his back nearly sent you spiraling. So you made your way to the River House, eyes on the floor the whole time as you stepped inside and hung up your coat.
You were about to go up the stairs to get to Rhys’s office when a hand on your shoulder stopped you. You spun around and your breath caught in your throat as you came face to face with Azriel. You took a shaky step away from him, your hand coming up to grip at your chest. The mating bond you had been trying to ignore shoved its way through your defenses—bombarding you with Azriel’s emotions once again.
His hazel eyes were filled with a bit of guilt and remorse. “Y/n, I was wondering if you were going to show up today. I…I’ve been wanting to talk to you but you haven’t been around much.”
Your mouth opened and closed, no words coming out. You didn’t trust yourself to speak. Azriel hesitated for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck before speaking, “I never got to apologize for the things I said to you. It's not an excuse, but Rhys had just laid into me again about Elain before I found you in the library and I took my anger out on you when you were just trying to be a good friend and I am truly sorry for what I said to you. I didn’t mean any of it.”
“It’s okay,” you mumbled, looking away from him. His words had felt true that day. Besides, what he said to you might’ve been wrong but that didn’t take away from the fact that he was in love with someone else. Regardless of his apology, there was no way you could go back to being his friend. It hurt too much.
Azriel seemed to be waiting for you to say anything else and his shoulders deflated a bit when he realized you weren’t going to. He gave you a weak smile before summoning something from his shadows. An envelope. He held it out for you to grab. You took it from him with a questioning look.
“It’s an invitation,” Azriel explained. “Me and Elain are getting married. I wanted to deliver this to you in person. It would mean a lot to have you there, Y/n.”
You stared at the envelope in your hand.
Stared and stared and stared.
Even throughout the whole meeting with the Inner Circle, all you could do was stare at that godsdamn envelope. Because inside of it was the last piece of your broken heart, smashed and weeping. Azriel was getting married…and not to you. To her.
So when Rhys announced his plans of attack for Koschei and how he needed someone to act as bait for the Death God, you were the first to volunteer because you truly had nothing left to lose.
• ───────────────── •
And I don't know what I'm crying for
I don't think I could love you more
Might not be long, but baby, I
Don't wanna say goodbye
• ───────────────── •
“Are you sure you don’t want to sit up front with the rest of us?” Feyre asked.
You looked up at her from your seat in the very back of the temple, shaking your head. You gave her a blank look. “No, it’s all right. I’m fine back here. You know I don’t like that attention of sitting near the High Lord and Lady.”
Feyre gave you an understanding nod. “Okay, but you will sit with us at the reception. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
You nodded to appease her, knowing you had no intentions of staying past the ceremony. You were only here for one reason—because Azriel had asked you to be here and you could never say no to him. So here you sat, your chest empty and your eyes sore from the tears you spilled last night.
This wedding felt more like a funeral to you and in some ways, it was. You were saying goodbye to a future you could’ve had with your mate, giving up the final piece of yourself for his sake, and getting to watch him be happy and free, such a bittersweet feeling. All you had ever wished was that he could be happy with you but that was just a dream—that’s all it would ever be.
Elain looked so beautiful in her wedding gown, as she always did.
Azriel’s eyes lit up the moment she came through the doorway, striding down the aisle to him. He held out his hand for her, helping her up the steps to stand before him. They didn’t look away from each other for a single moment during the ceremony. He was so in love with her. So in love with her and not you…never you.
The whole room was bursting with joy but not you. You were happy for him, of course. But you couldn’t help but feel that ache in your chest and everything that came with it. The hurt, the jealousy, the grief.
Had he even really wanted you here or had it been a pity invite? It didn’t matter because he took no notice of anyone but Elain. So when the ceremony ended and everyone began to make their way to the reception, you slinked into the shadows and disappeared once again.
• ───────────────── •
I'll love you 'til the day that I die
'Til the day that I die
'Til the light leaves my eyes
'Til the day that I die
• ───────────────── •
The battle was over. Koschei had been defeated. You had gone through with serving as the bait for this plan to work. It had cost so much to finally take him down. So many lives, so much power. And you. It had cost you everything.
You were dying. Slowly.
But you knew this was the end for you.
Even if you could be saved, you didn’t want to be.
You wanted to let death embrace you in his cold arms.
You wanted to leave behind this life finally.
Everyone was still cheering and hugging with relief when you stumbled back into the war camp. You pressed a hand against the deep wound in your stomach, blood bubbling through the cracks in your fingers as you passed by everyone—no one taking notice of you or your severely injured state.
Not until you made it to the main tent where the rest of the Inner Circle had begun to celebrate the victory.
It was Feyre who noticed you first, her gasp alerting the rest of them to your presence. But you were only looking at Azriel as you stumbled into the tent, barely making it past the threshold before you crumbled to the ground. You choked on the blood filling up your mouth, some of it trickling out of your lips.
Azriel shouted your name, pushing Cassian out of his way to get to you. He knelt before you, eyes wide with panic as he grasped your shoulders. In the background, you could faintly hear Rhysand shouting for a healer but you knew it was too late for that.
You weakly smiled up at Azriel. This is what you wanted. To just see him one last time. To let his face be the last thing you see before death came to take you. You reached a hand out, letting your fingertips brush against his jaw.
It took you being gravely injured for the mating bond to finally snap in place for him. You knew the minute he realized. The mating bond hummed in your chest but its song was so quiet now…so, so quiet.
It was slowly fraying as your life dimmed.
“Mate,” Azriel choked out in a whisper, his hand resting on your cheek. His eyes were still full of panic. “You’re…You’re my mate.”
You nodded, coughing again and more blood slipped out of your lips and down your chin. Azriel shouted frantically for a healer before focusing on you again, his eyes searching yours. “You knew?”
You nodded again, your body sagging in his hold. He let out a panicked cry and pulled you into his lap. “How long? How long have you known?”
“A while,” you managed to croak, your fingers raising to caress his jaw again.
Azriel stared at you in horror as he shouted again for a healer. You could hear the pounding of feet and other panicked whispers but you tuned it all out. You just wanted to go peacefully. No screaming, no cries. Just you and Azriel for the last second of your life.
“Why?” he cried out, wiping one of your tears away. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You…were…happy,” you struggled to get out, your eyes closing with the effort. Azriel shook your body, tears filling up in his eyes.
“No, stay awake, Y/n, you have to stay awake,” Azriel pleaded with you. “The healer is almost here, okay. Just stay awake a little longer.”
“I-It’s…okay,” you mumbled. “Want…want to go.”
You coughed again, blood splatting your face. Azriel released a cry that nearly caused the ground to shake. “No, you can’t. You can’t go. You’re my mate, Y/n. You can’t do this to me!”
“I’ll find…you…again,” you slurred out. “Maybe…maybe I’ll be…good enough….then.”
You blinked once, your vision blurry but you could see Azriel���s beautiful face. Gods, he was so beautiful. He was screaming something but your hearing went along with your vision, slowly worsening until finally, your heart stopped beating in your chest.
And with that, the pain was finally gone.
• ───────────────── •
I knew you in another life
You had that same look in your eyes
I love you, don't act so surprised
• ───────────────── •
Epilogue
#acotar#acotar fanfiction#acotar x reader#acotar x you#azriel#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#azriel fanfic#azriel angst#azriel spymaster#acotar angst#Spotify
2K notes
·
View notes