#i'm already invisible irl

[slytherinsomniari]

Random fandom rant that absolutely no one will see:

I know I haven't really been active here, but that's because this place is kind of mainly for fanfics and stuff like that and I haven't written in a long time. I've been trying to post the little art I do so I can properly use this site and I have been trying to introduce my Hogwarts Legacy MCs/OCs, though as I said, I feel like the community here is really just fics and art, not MC/OC content.

I'm active on twitter but honestly....I don't get much interaction. I don't post my own content that often which is my fault and I do tend to post my random thoughts, which people probably don't want to see. I know I'm a bad artist and a beginner, but it does hurt when I don't get any likes. Not even when I'm introducing my MCs/OCs (I expect that here lol). I comment on other people's posts but I rarely ever get comments on mine. It's so small but people with more interactions and a bigger following don't understand how much it can hurt someone. It makes me feel like there's no point in posting anything at all.

Perhaps I need to do the character sheets? I am working on one as I type this. Perhaps I need to do the MC/OC question prompts? But I feel like no one will comment for that. Do I need to post aesthetic screenshots? Make tiktoks? Use some form of magic to immediately become a better artist? What can I do to curate more of a fandom name for myself and get more people to interact with me? Should I focus on tumblr? But again, I want to post MC/OC content and I don't think that's what people do on tumblr.

I am so grateful to those that still like my shitty one shots/fics here 😭 I love you guys so much! Even though I haven't written anything new I still get notifications that someone has liked one of my fics. It honestly means so much to me that you guys like them even though I'm bad at writing. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

[nqueso-emergency]

I've seen a lot of bestie boos act like it's inconceivable how people could ship Buck and Tommy together after such a short time together. Other than reminding folks that shipping (just like who you're attracted to IRL) is subjective, people are loving this ship for different reasons including.......

-The invisible string theory adds such a fantastic layer to their story and makes it incredibly romantic to think about. Knowing that Tommy's involvement in this storyline was so last minute just makes it seem even more fated.

-They both look at each other with heart eyes so big you could see them from space. The chemistry is palpable.

-The moment Tommy decided to kiss Buck was right after Buck shared a bunch of his negative qualities, meaning Tommy heard Buck at his most open and vulnerable and it made him like him even more.

-They're unbelievably attractive together and that's not nothing.

-They already seem to balance each others personalities out in interesting ways that will be fun to explore further

-Tommy proved that when the chips are down, he shows up for Buck and that's one of the biggest, if not the biggest, thing that's been missing from his previous relationships.

-Last but not least....if this many people are obsessed with them after they've shared such little screentime? That really says something about how good they instantly were together.

Son of a bitch, I'm in love with this ask!!!

[rafesapologist]

strangers ─ drew starkey; ch. 1

summary: getting casted on outer banks threw you into overnight stardom, and an unforeseeable off-screen romance with one of hollywood's newest and biggest heartthrobs.

warnings: nothing yet, just not proof read fully

author's note: i want to preface that i was heavily influenced by karen x graham from daisy jones and the six (iykyk) as well as chase and madelyn's irl relationship for this story. i'm really excited for you guys to read this and as usual, if you'd like to be on the taglist please let me know!

You couldn’t sit still, fingers twisting the hem of your shirt while your knee bounced uncontrollably in the backseat of the rented SUV. The soft hum of the engine only amplified your restlessness. Your eyes flickered around, catching glimpses of palm trees and blurred tourists through the tinted windows—offering a momentary shield from the unforgiving Los Angeles sun and the bustling crowds beyond.

“How are you feeling?” Kendra, your manager, chimed in from beside you, her smile perfectly in place, glossy lips forming a curve that felt rehearsed.

You forced a chuckle, though it barely masked the pounding in your chest. “Just a little nervous, that’s all.” The words came out flat, a thin veil over the tension twisting inside you.

Kendra gave your leg a quick pat, her reassurance as smooth as ever. “Nothing to worry about. You’ve already nailed the hardest part—the audition. A chemistry read? That’s a breeze in comparison.” Her voice was soothing, but her focus never left the phone in her hand, the gesture feeling mechanical—like a line delivered without thought.

Auditioning for the show had been a gamble, and the stakes felt even higher now. You were still a relative unknown, and Outer Banks wasn’t just any show—it was the show. A streaming giant. You’d almost declined when the offer came, the weight of its success pressing down like an invisible hand. But here you were, convinced by the right mix of encouragement and blind hope, about to see if that gamble would pay off.

"You just need to go in there and feed off your co-star’s energy. Whatever emotion they’re giving you, absorb it and give it right back," your manager instructed, her voice firm as her eyes finally lifted from her phone. She leaned forward slightly, her hand resting on your arm as if to ground you, while the SUV glided through the final stretch of traffic. The weight of her words settled heavily in the air, matched only by the tension in your chest. The destination loomed closer, visible just beyond the tinted windows, and her gaze locked on you, expectant and unwavering, as if her will alone could push you over the finish line.

“Got it,” you replied, forcing another thin-lipped smile—polite yet distant, as if dismissing her with the same gesture. Your attempt to stay cordial was barely masking your desire for space. Just then, your heart gave a hard thud, perfectly timed with the jolt of the SUV rolling over the first speed bump in the studio parking lot. The looming reality hit you like a wave, stealing the air from your lungs, as the building came into full view. Each second that passed only deepened the pit in your stomach, the dreadful weight of what was to come pressing harder.

“Thank you,” you murmured to the driver, slipping a small cash tip across the center console as your manager was already halfway out of the SUV. It was a quiet gesture of appreciation, a way to acknowledge the small but crucial role he’d played in getting you there, to this moment. He turned, offering you a kind, knowing smile before you stepped out, gently closing the door behind you. As you straightened your skirt, you couldn’t help but stare up at the building in front of you, its towering stature appearing overhead.

Kendra strode ahead, confidently leading the way as she pulled open the door and gestured for you to step inside. Though her presence could be demanding and stern, in that moment it offered a small but necessary comfort amid the unfamiliar sea of faces that now surrounded you. The room quieted as you entered, and a dozen pairs of eyes turned in your direction, their stares heavy and intense, making you feel small under the weight of their scrutiny. You forced a smile—thin but polite—trying to seem more outgoing than you felt, hoping to project the right impression even as your nerves simmered beneath the surface.

“Well, look who it is—the girl of the hour! Y/N! So nice to see you again,” an unfamiliar voice rang out, though the man’s face sparked a vague sense of recognition, likely from the audition. He stood up, extending his hand with a broad smile that was meant to put you at ease.

"Hello," you replied warmly, masking the swirl of anxiety inside as you shook his hand, maintaining a steady grip. “Thank you again for allowing me this far into the audition process. I’m very grateful.” Your voice remained poised, calm, even though your insides felt like they were twisting into knots.

Your manager’s approval resonated softly behind you, a gentle hum of reassurance as she watched the exchange unfold. “I’m not sure if I introduced myself properly last time we met. My name is Jonah; I’m the director for the show,” he said, his voice rich and authoritative, each word heavy with expectation. A lump formed in your throat, the gravity of his presence amplifying the stakes, pressing down like a lead weight.

“Today, we’re going to have you do a chemistry read with who will be your love interest on the show.” His words hung in the air like a charged whisper, and your eyes widened, disbelief swirling within you. The truth struck with the force of a summer storm; you hadn’t fully grasped the role awaiting you until now.

The thought of embodying someone’s love interest sent a ripple of exhilaration and fear through your veins, making your stomach tumble as if caught in a tempest. Would it be a playful spark, filled with laughter and fleeting glances, or a brooding romance, steeped in longing and tension?

You nodded, a practiced motion that belied the ball of anxiety swirling within. Each beat of your heart echoed the dread tightening in your stomach, the sensation bubbling up like a restless tide. The thought of being paired with one of the actors to portray a romance on-screen sent a shiver racing down your spine.

You swallowed hard, trying to push the lump in your throat aside, your gaze flickering around the room, desperate for any hint of who your co-star might be. Each unfamiliar face felt like a potential source of scrutiny, and the air thickened with tension as you scanned the room, searching for clues amidst the sea of strangers.

“Okay!” Jonah clapped his hands together, the sound sharp and authoritative, breaking the taut silence that had settled. “Let’s get Drew out here.” His voice rang out, clear and commanding, drawing every eye to the door, where a buzz of anticipation rippled through the room. You felt the air shift, charged with expectation, as if the very walls were leaning in to hear who would step through that doorway.

A wave of heat washed over you at the sound of his name, igniting a fire of recognition deep within. You had seen him countless times in glossy magazines and flickering screens, caught glimpses of him at film festivals where the air buzzed with admiration, yet never had your paths crossed until now. Though he wasn’t the biggest name yet, he was a force—a powerful actor whose presence resonated through the industry like a distant thunderstorm.

As the thought of sharing the screen with him settled in your mind, your heart fluttered, a nervous bird trapped in a cage of anticipation. How could you possibly keep pace with someone whose talent seemed to flow effortlessly, whose performances were a masterclass in emotion? Doubt began to coil around your thoughts, tightening like a vine, each tendril whispering fears of inadequacy.

The room felt like a distant echo, the chatter of voices fading into a soft hum as you waited for him to enter. Your heart raced, a wild thump that reverberated through your chest, each pulse a reminder of the anticipation coursing through your veins. The other directors and screenwriters settled back into their seats, alongside your manager, their eyes fixed on you like an audience eager for the first act to begin.

Just as you began to drown in the weight of their stares, the atmosphere shifted, the air charged with electric anticipation. The door creaked open, and time seemed to stretch, every second hanging heavy. Your gaze snapped toward the sound, and your throat tightened as a tall, brooding figure stepped into the room. His presence filled the space, his stature both commanding and slightly intimidating.

For a brief moment, your mind went blissfully blank, as if time had paused to let the reality of him sink in. He moved with an effortless grace, each step purposeful as he greeted the group at the table, his voice smooth and resonant. You could see Jonah nodding in acknowledgment, and then, as if drawn by an invisible thread, he turned his gaze toward you.

Suddenly, he was there, standing before you, and the air between you felt impossibly thick, heavy with the uncertainty of what lay ahead. The moment was alive with a sense of anticipation, the unknown curling around you like smoke. You straightened your posture instinctively, trying to summon every ounce of composure, as if by holding yourself steady, you could convince the room—and yourself—that this was effortless, that you weren’t rattled by the sheer gravity of the encounter.

With a smooth, fluid motion, Drew extended his hand, the gesture both graceful and commanding, his fingers outstretched with a quiet confidence that spoke of experience beyond his years. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Drew,” he said, his voice unexpectedly soft, a gentle warmth woven into the words that caught you off guard. His tone was far kinder than you’d imagined, the kind of voice that could lull a room into ease.

As you reached out to meet his handshake, his touch was firm yet light, grounding yet unassuming, and in that brief connection, the world around you seemed to pause. The noise of the room, the watching eyes, the weight of your nerves—all of it faded, if only for a heartbeat. His presence was commanding but not overwhelming, his demeanor holding the delicate balance between strength and gentleness.

"Hello," you replied, your voice lifting an octave higher than usual, a subtle attempt to come across as feminine, poised. "I'm Y/N." As his hand met yours, your attention flickered to the way his fingers moved—effortlessly, fluidly—sending a tremor through your chest. Your heart skipped a beat at the touch, your pulse quickening under the gentle but assured pressure of his grip.

You couldn’t ignore how small you felt beneath his towering presence. The realization that you had to tilt your head slightly just to meet his eyes made the knot in your stomach twist tighter. His height, his frame—it all made the space between you feel charged, his presence simultaneously grounding and intimidating.

“It’s a pleasure,” he said again, his voice smooth as honey, the warmth in his eyes unwavering. His gaze was soft, kind, a contradiction to the commanding figure he cut. You could feel his energy, an unspoken ease radiating from him, as if he could sense the nerves bubbling beneath your surface.

"If you're feeling nervous or uncomfortable at any point, just let me know," he added, his voice dropping lower, as though he were shielding his words from the watchful eyes of the casting directors around you. "But I'm sure you've got this." His tone was gentle, reassuring, his words slipping through the space between you with a quiet confidence.

You nodded quietly at his gesture, a soft acknowledgment of his awareness and kindness, the unspoken "thank you" hanging between you. Before you could find any words to respond, one of the casting crew approached, handing each of you a script for the audition. The weight of the paper felt heavier than it should, the magnitude of the moment settling in deeper.

Chemistry reads had never been your strong suit, not in the brief time you’d been working in this industry. And this? This felt like a leap into a whole new realm, with expectations looming over you. Your eyes flicked down to the script, scanning the lines with the practiced speed of someone used to absorbing words as if they were lifelines. You read them once, then twice, allowing the emotions on the page to sink in and swirl around your mind, even as the undercurrent of nerves made it harder to focus.

Drew stood calmly in front of you, his presence steadying but no less overwhelming. You could feel his quiet confidence as he glanced through his own lines. The room was still, save for the soft rustling of papers and the occasional murmur from the casting team in the background. You straightened your back, holding onto every ounce of composure you could muster, and waited for the director’s cue.

"Alright, you may begin whenever you're ready," Jonah announced, his soft smile doing little to ease the weight pressing on your chest. His eyes flickered between you and Drew, expectant, watching for the magic to unfold. As his words sank in, a queasy wave rolled through your stomach, the weight of the moment pressing harder against your nerves. There was no turning back now—any hesitation would be a glaring failure, something that could follow you like a shadow in this unforgiving industry. The thought of being blackballed clawed at your mind, and you suddenly longed to disappear, to slip into a place where eyes weren’t always watching.

But before you could let the panic take hold, Drew stepped into the moment, his voice cutting through the tension like a lifeline. He began his lines effortlessly, the words rolling off his tongue as though they belonged to him, his presence filling the room with a quiet confidence. It was as if he had taken command of the space, a seasoned professional steering the scene with ease.

As if possessed by his character, Rafe, Drew dove into his lines with raw intensity. "Maisy, I care about you. But I-I can't risk it. I would never forgive myself if I got you involved in my mess and you got hurt because of it." His hand trembled slightly, betraying the emotion he was drawing from deep within. He pointed to his chest with a shaky finger, his voice quivering just enough to feel real, to pull at the heartstrings. His head hung low, the weight of sorrow written across his face, his entire presence drenched in regret.

You stood there, momentarily in awe of his transformation. The way he embodied Rafe with such vulnerability fueled your own performance, making it impossible not to feel the emotions he was radiating. It lit a fire within you, urging you to dive into the scene, to match the depth he was offering.

"Rafe," you spoke, your voice slipping into the soft, pleading tone of Maisy, letting the character take over your body as effortlessly as breathing. The words trembled on your lips, each one laced with a quiet desperation. "I don’t care what happens to me. I just want to be with you. Don’t… don’t do this."

You shook your head slowly, your movements measured, deliberate, as you stepped forward, closing the space between you. Your hand reached out, grazing his cheek, the tender contact filled with unspoken emotion. As if on cue, tears welled in your eyes, the sting of them amplifying the moment. You gazed up at him, your expression filled with a mixture of pain and hope, as if you were begging not just for Maisy’s life, but for everything she believed in. It was a skill you prided yourself on—channeling emotion so deeply that it felt like it bled from your very soul, and in this moment, you were no longer yourself. You were Maisy, standing on the edge of heartbreak.

Drew’s eyes, glossy with unshed tears, locked onto yours, his sorrow so palpable it seemed to seep into the air between you. His hands ran through his hair in frustration, fingers gripping the ends as if trying to hold himself together. He began to pace, his movements restless, the emotional weight in his voice thick and raw.

"You don’t get it, Maisy," he started, his voice breaking with a mix of frustration and pain. "Everything I’ve ever cared about in my life has abandoned me. I’ve never had anybody who cares about me like you do. I love you so much that it hurts—it hurts me," he cried, pressing a trembling finger into his chest, the gesture full of anguish. His blue eyes, once so calm, were now brimming with tears that slipped down his face, streaking his cheeks as he stood there, vulnerable in a way that left him utterly exposed.

"I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you," he continued, his voice cracking, "but I have to protect you, even if that means letting you go." His brows furrowed deeply, his entire expression twisted in agony, his gaze never leaving yours. It was as though, in that moment, Rafe was no longer a character—he was real, and the pain etched on his face was authentic, an outpouring of emotions he couldn’t contain.

But you didn’t miss a beat. Despite the intensity of his performance, you held steady, the emotions boiling within you just as fierce. "You can’t make that decision for me, Rafe," you pleaded, your voice rising with a mixture of desperation and defiance. Your hands flew into the air as if surrendering to the chaos of the moment.

"If I get hurt, that’s on me. I knew the risk of being with you, and I don’t care!" Your words spilled out with conviction, each one wrapped in the weight of Maisy’s determination. "Nothing is going to make me leave." Your voice was firm but edged with vulnerability, the sternness in your tone undercut by the undeniable pain that flickered beneath. You stood there, watching him, as if your very heart was on the line, a pitiful sort of strength anchoring you in place, demanding that he listen—that he understand.

"Being with you is worth it all," you added softly, your voice tinged with a raw desperation that could only come from someone who had lived through heartbreak. The vulnerability in your tone wrapped itself around the moment, thickening the air between you. Drew’s blue eyes, glossy with emotion, flickered between yours as if he were trying to decode the tragedy etched in your expression. It was as though, in that fleeting silence, his heart was breaking too, caught in the moment of the scene you were creating together.

Then, without warning, his large hands cupped your face, his touch sending warmth rushing to your cheeks. His palms, rough yet tender, cradled your skin, and for a moment, the world outside the scene seemed to vanish. "Promise me you won't go anywhere," he pleaded, his voice trembling with the same desperate intensity that mirrored your own. The emotion in his words was so intense, it felt as if the two of you were teetering on the edge of something irreversible.

"I promise, Rafe," you reassured him, your voice soft but unwavering, a soothing balm to the storm brewing in the room. Despite the emotional intensity, you held steady, grounding both of you in the moment.

For a brief second, the world paused. There was silence—a sacred, fragile quiet—allowing the vulnerability between you to speak louder than any dialogue could. The casting crew sat in rapt attention, witnessing the depth you had both drawn from. Drew’s thumb gently grazed your cheek, his gaze locked onto yours, as though he couldn’t bear to break the connection. The moment was electric, heavy with meaning, as if you were no longer acting but living the characters’ truths.

"I won’t let anything happen to you, alright? I swear on my life," he vowed, his voice deep and resolute, yet drenched in emotion and passion. His words hit like a surge of energy, drawing you in, making your heart skip in response. There was something in the way he spoke that made it feel real, as if this promise wasn't just for Maisy, but for you too.

You nodded up at him, chest heaving as you breathed in the weight of the moment, each inhale heavy with the raw intensity of the scene. It felt as if the world had shrunk to just the two of you, emotions pulsing between your bodies like a silent current, your heart racing to keep up. You weren’t acting anymore—every word felt lived, every gesture steeped in the desperation and love your characters clung to. The air between you and Drew hummed, alive with the electricity of shared vulnerability, a fragile bond that tethered you both to this moment.

Then, like a sharp crack in the stillness, a clap echoed through the room. The spell shattered instantly, the delicate tension that had built between you dissolving as reality rushed back in.

"That was incredible," Jonah’s voice broke through the haze, his head shaking in awe, a grin of disbelief spreading across his face. "The chemistry between you two is beautiful." His words were thick with praise, and you couldn’t help but glance over at Drew, a faint smile teasing the edges of your lips. The connection you’d forged in those few minutes lingered, a quiet understanding that neither of you spoke aloud.

"I think we’ve seen enough," Jonah continued, his tone final yet filled with certainty. "I think you’d be perfect as Maisy."

The world around you stilled, sound fading into a distant hum as his words sank in. Your heart seemed to pause, suspended in disbelief, before it raced forward, pounding against your chest like a wild drum. It was as if time itself had slowed, every second stretching out as the magnitude of what he’d said enveloped you.

"Oh my God, thank you!" The words burst from your lips, a mix of breathless excitement and overwhelming gratitude. Your cheeks flushed a rosy pink as joy flooded through you, warmth spreading through your body in waves. It was impossible to contain the wide, radiant smile that broke across your face. The world blurred around you, your focus narrowing to this single, life-altering moment. You felt lighter, as though all the doubts and fears you’d carried had evaporated into thin air.

Your eyes darted between Jonah and Drew, the weight of their gazes making everything feel real—so achingly real. You had done it. You had stepped into the role, not just as Maisy, but as someone who had finally claimed their place in the world.

"You did great," Drew said, his smile wide and genuine, a warm glow in his eyes that radiated excitement. You could feel his energy wrapping around you, a comforting embrace that mirrored your own joy. As your smile blossomed, his grew in tandem.

Your manager beamed, clapping along with the group of directors, her expression a blend of pride and exhilaration that you had never witnessed before. The room buzzed with energy, each person caught up in the moment of celebration.

"Thank you so much for this opportunity," you replied, your voice a melody of gratitude, bubbling up from within. "I won’t let you down." You stepped forward, reaching for Jonah’s hand, your heart fluttering with excitement as you shook his hand firmly. It was a gesture of gratitude, a promise of your commitment, and you felt a rush of warmth at the connection—a shared understanding that this was just the beginning.

You moved down the line, shaking hands with the rest of the crew, each grip solid and reassuring. Their smiles met yours, each one a testament to the hard work and passion that had brought you to this moment. In those brief exchanges, you felt the weight of the world lift off your shoulders, replaced by a sense of belonging and purpose that ignited a fire within you.

You made your way back to Drew, and to your surprise, he enveloped you in a hug that spoke volumes, his arms wrapping around you in a warmth that felt both comforting and exhilarating. "Congratulations," he murmured softly in your ear, his voice a gentle melody that resonated in the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you. The embrace lingered, a moment suspended in time, before he pulled back, his smile radiating a bright, infectious joy that lit up the room.

"Thank you. You were awesome, by the way. I'm excited to work with you," you blurted out, the words tumbling from your lips, raw and unfiltered, yet undeniably true.

Drew chuckled, a rich sound that sent a ripple of warmth through you. His eyes sparkled with mischief as he nodded, "Likewise," he replied, adding a playful wink that sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach. In that fleeting exchange, the connection deepened, an unspoken promise of collaboration and creativity.

Turning towards your manager, you embraced her, feeling the solid weight of her pride enveloping you like a soft cloak. She returned the hug with a firm pat on your back, her touch both grounding and uplifting. "You did great, kid. I'm so proud of you," she said, her voice thick with emotion, wrapping around you like a warm embrace on a chilly day.

You left the studio with a sense of accomplishment unlike anything you had ever experienced before, a buoyant feeling that danced in your chest like a flame ignited by success. The joy radiating off your manager only amplified your triumph, her excitement palpable, like the warm glow of the sun on your skin.

As you slipped into the black SUV parked outside, a smile crept onto your face, blossoming with every heartbeat. The vehicle felt like a cocoon, enveloping you in a new sense of pride, a sanctuary that held the promise of new beginnings.

Your manager, brimming with enthusiasm, quickly dialed your agency, her voice animated as she relayed the news of your audition triumph. You could hear her words spill forth like a rushing river, each syllable a testament to your hard work and dedication.

As you absorbed your newfound outlook on life, the sunny L.A. sky seemed to sparkle with an ethereal clarity, its azure expanse stretching endlessly above you like an artist’s canvas, brushed with hues of hope and possibility. The golden rays cascaded down, bathing the city in a warm embrace, each glimmer igniting your spirit as if the universe itself were celebrating your triumph alongside you. In that moment, it felt as though no force on earth could disrupt the intoxicating high that enveloped you, each breath filled with the sweet essence of achievement.

"You better get ready for tonight, 'cause we are celebrating on me!" your manager exclaimed, her voice a jubilant melody that danced through the air, weaving joy into the fabric of the day. Her enthusiasm sparkled like champagne bubbles, promising an evening alive with laughter and camaraderie.

With a smile stretching across your face, you realized that this was just the beginning. The night was a canvas yet to be painted, and you were the artist, ready to fill it with laughter, joy, and new memories.

And in that instant, you understood: you were no longer the girl who had once doubted herself. You were a force to be reckoned with, ready to embrace every opportunity that lay ahead. The chapter of uncertainty had closed, making way for a new narrative, one filled with passion, courage, and the promise of dreams finally taking flight.

And maybe even something more.

[kwanisms]

Start of Something New - h.jisung

➥ soft dom!Han × sub!Reader summary: Han finally takes Y/N on a date with him after having a serious sit down talk with Felix. wc: 15.7k (I'm not sorry lol) warnings: fem!reader, adult dialogue, sexual content (minors dni!): oral (f & m receiving), fingering, praise, dirty talk, pet names (baby, baby girl, angel, etc), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), multiple orgasms, creampie, marking, Han gets pussy-drunk and gets messy, lowkey lovemaking. I think that’s everything but let me know if I miss anything! a/n: here is the conclusion to this little mini-series! I hope you all liked it and please look forward to what else I have coming! This is just a little filler piece while I finish up the next chapter of Under Your Skin. UYS is a modern fantasy AU where Seo Changbin is a tattoo artist with a dark secret that could ruin everything he's worked so hard to build. You can read the first chapter here or join the taglist. Please note: if you've already joined my permanent taglist or my Stray Kids taglist, you will be tagged. This taglist is specifically for this series. This is a series I've worked hard on so I hope this interests you and you look forward to reading it! As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @wonderfulshinee @candidupped @dejavernon @violagoth @tigermoonbiss @katsukis1wife @luvsooby Stray Kids taglist: @cixrosie @hoeforcheol @beomgyusbabygirl @lovestayskzxx @flowerboykun @smhlino @cutiespaghetti @peterparkoure @chubbyanarkiss Tagging: @songgmingii @j1s-babygirl @chai-papa @klysaibabes @lovethatchanussy @nokacchan @dramaticnobody @youremytearr @replay-by-shinee @myprwttyhan @licklix @fairywriter-oracle @hyunnielix @lolareadaimagines @sirleeknow @chanlovesme @seungminssanrioslut @slutforgirlsandkms @hanasonmi @sstarryreads @lixie-dori @grlkisser331 @elllisaaa because they all asked hehe :> Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. Part 1 // Part 2

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This was NOT how it was supposed to go.

After thinking he'd fucked up again with the party, Han had finally gotten the truth out of you and was ecstatic to learn you felt the same way toward him. Sure, the phone sex may have contributed greatly but he really was glad that you finally admitted what he'd hoped you felt towards him.

He didn't expect you to start ghosting him. Again.

As he tried for the fourth time to call you but it went straight to voice-mail, Han was starting to get worried. Had he crossed another invisible line? Broken some unspoken boundary.

Any other man might have given up, moved on by now.

But Han wasn't any other man.

He knew the solution to this problem and he knew you did, too. But he also knew that only one of you would look that solution in the eye. Only one of you would face it down and get to the bottom of it and unfortunately, it had to be him.

God, why did it have to be him?

As Han hung up on your voice-mail greeting, he groaned and tossed his phone down on his bed. He felt like he was going mad. He stared at the little device looking up at him, your contact info displayed on the little glass screen.

He'd saved your photo from Instagram, one he'd really liked. The same one you'd sent him before the two of you even hooked up.

Sighing, he resolved himself to his fate, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay," he whispered to himself as his thoughts ran at a hundred miles a minute as he planned out exactly how he was going to handle this. It had to be handled delicately but also firmly.

"Brownies? He likes brownies." He was murmuring to himself.

Suddenly, Han snapped his fingers. "No," he shook his head.

"Cheesecake. I need a cheesecake!"

In a mad dash, he darted towards his bed, fumbling as his fingers grabbed at his phone and started looking up bakeries, settling on one down the road with a high rating. He pushed the small phone button and held the device to his ear as he took a couple deep breaths as it rang.

When it finally clicked and someone answered, Han put on a smile despite the fact no one could see him before he spoke.

"Hi! I'd like to order a cheesecake."

After about the third call from Han, you finally turned your phone on Do Not Disturb. It wasn't like you were avoiding him exactly but it felt like you were avoiding him.

After the other night and the very explicit video call, you thought things would be much clearer but they weren't. If anything, you were even more confused about what to do.

After ending the call with Han, you'd fallen asleep relaxed and content but upon waking and looking back at the messages you started to feel the familiar feeling of guilt.

Like you were being disloyal to Felix.

As absurd as you knew it was, you couldn't shake that feeling no matter how hard you tried. It was stuck to you like glue.

You glanced down at the phone looking up at you innocently. Double tapping the screen brought up your notifications.

Four missed calls. You had four missed calls from Han.

Groaning, you grabbed the device and flipped it face down.

Out of sight, out of mind, right?

Felix looked up as you flipped your phone over, eyes glancing between your face and the device. His eyes narrowed as he continued to study your face. He'd seen that look before.

"Okay," he said, setting his own phone down, abandoning Genshin in favor of his best friend. You glanced up, eyes wide as Felix leaned forward. "Talk to me," Felix said. "What's going on?

You shook your head, feigning ignorance before shrugging. Felix pursed his lips. "Don't," he said simply. "I'm not stupid. You've been acting off for weeks. What gives?" His hunch was proven correct as your eyes darted around, focusing on the counter in front of you rather than looking him in the face.

"What's wrong, Y/N? You never shut me out like this."

You shook your head. "It's nothing. Just stress from work."

Felix rolled his eyes. "Did you forget you literally can't lie to me?" he asked, watching you as you shifted in your seat.

"Is this about a guy?" he asked, watching again as your body language gave you away. "Hah! I knew it!"

When you glared at him, he knew he'd hit the nail on the head. "God I'm such an idiot!" Felix laughed, lightly smacking his forehead with his palm. "Of course this is about a guy!"

"Felix," you said in a low tone. Almost like a warning.

"Oh come on, Y/N. I'm your best friend! How long did you think you could keep it from me?" You shook your head. "There's no guy!"

Felix knew you weren't being honest with him. He knew you better than you knew yourself sometimes. Yet despite that, he knew better than to push you. If you didn't want to talk about it, there wasn't much he could do except wait until you brought it up.

"Alright," Felix finally said in defeat. "There's no guy."

You leaned back in your seat, staring at Felix.

You knew him just as well as he knew you.

He knew you knew he wouldn't let this go easily.

When you turned to face him, Felix all but smiled with glee.

"Okay," you said shortly. "Hypothetically… let’s say there is a guy."

Felix's grin widened as he turned to face you.

"Hypothetically."

"Yes, so, hypothetically, there's this guy."

Felix nodded, humming as you spoke. "And you like him?"

"Hypothetically," you reminded him. "Ah, yes. Hypothetically. So, what's the issue? He doesn't like you back?"

Felix watched as you made a face. "No, he definitely does." Now he was confused. "So you like him and he likes you, correct?" Felix asked. "Hypothetically," he added quickly. You nodded.

"Then what's the issue?"

"He's one of my friend's friends."

Felix nodded slowly. "Does this friend know you like each other?"

At that, you shook your head. Despite what Felix assumed was your best efforts, he was starting to put the pieces of the puzzle together. There was no hypothetical guy. There was a very real guy you liked but you were putting your friendship first-

"Okay, cut the bullshit," Felix said suddenly, making you look up in surprise. "Just tell me the truth." You sighed heavily. "That's the truth. I like this guy, he likes me, he's friends with one of my friends.

"Which friend?" Felix asked. You narrowed your eyes at him. "Does that matter?" you asked to which Felix shrugged. “I guess not.”

"So you can't date your friend's friend because?"

"We don't just like each other, Lix. We-" you hesitated, glancing up at him. Felix motioned for you to continue. "You what?"

"We slept together."

The words came out and surprised not only Felix but yourself.

"Oh," Felix responded. You quickly explained further.

"But we didn't meet through our friend! We met somewhere else."

Felix nodded as he started to understand. "But your friend doesn't know this?"

You shook your head, looking down at your hands in your lap.

"Do you plan on telling your friend?"

You shook your head again. "And why not?"

"Cause they'll be mad at me."

Felix let out a sigh, leaning forward to take one of your hands in his.

"If they're really your friend, they'll understand Y/N. Things happen. This guy, if you met him without your friend's help, then he's supposed to be in your life. Your friend can't be mad at you for that. It's not like you sought out their friend to sleep with him."

Felix rubbed the back of your hand soothingly.

You heard his phone buzz on the counter top. He grumbled and grabbed the device. "Shit," he cursed as he typed quickly, still holding your hand with his free one.

"Everything okay?" you asked as he pocketed his phone. "Yeah. It's just work. I've gotta go," he said, standing up. You nodded solemnly, clearly still uncertain of what you should do.

Felix took both of your hands, giving them a firm squeeze before leaning in to press a light kiss to your forehead. "I mean it, Y/N," he said softly. "Your friend can't fault you for meeting someone outside of their influence, let alone falling for that person."

You nodded again silently. Felix reached up to cup your cheek, caressing your cheek softly.

"And if he gets mad at you for that, he's not really your friend."

Your eyes looked up to meet his, a look of mild shock in them. Felix offered no further explanation, simply gave you a wink before he made for the door. "I'll see you later," he called to you, hand on the doorknob. You turned to look at him.

"Felix-" you started but he pulled the door open. "Later, okay?"

And just like that, Felix exited your apartment and you were suddenly alone with your phone again. 'Damn it.'

You turned back to the counter top, resting your forearms on the cool granite surface. 'Did he know? He couldn't, could he?' You sighed, dropping your head to rest in your arms. "There's no way he knows, right? He couldn't possibly know."

Sighing, you resolved yourself to checking your phone. You had a new unopened text from Han. You opened the message and allowed your eyes to scan the screen as you read.

Hanji: I'm gonna handle this. Don't worry. I'm not giving up that easily. So don't think ghosting me is gonna push me away. I like you a lot Y/N and when I like someone, I don't give up. I'm stubborn and dumb, you know this. So just wait for me. I'm gonna fix this.

You reread the text over and over, wondering just what he was going to handle. What he planned on fixing.

"What is he talking about?" you whispered as you stared at the screen, wracking your brain for any possible answer.

"What is he up to?"

Han glanced around the apartment. He'd worked from home that day so in between calls and paperwork, he'd managed to clean the entire apartment from top to bottom. He'd done all the laundry, the dishes, cleaned the bathrooms, the floors, the windows, even wiped down the appliances. He'd scrubbed the counter tops and even wiped down all the light switch plates.

He'd dusted every inch he could find, washed the cushion covers, cleaned between the cushions, everything he could think of. As he was finishing up, the buzzer had gone off and shortly after, the cheesecake he'd special ordered was delivered and sitting on the counter, perched atop a cake stand and covered.

Felix was due home any moment and Han was more than nervous.

He knew he had to talk to Felix since you were adamantly against telling Felix but if this was the only way to get you to stop panicking and freaking out, Han would do it. He would do anything if it meant you'd stop worrying and just focus on what was happening between the two of you.

He’d never felt this way before. Not the girl he dated in high school, not the random girl he’d had a situationship with.

Han ran his fingers through his hair, trying to decide what he would say to Felix when he arrived. Unfortunately, he didn’t get much time to think as the front door opened, making him jump and look up as his roommate entered the apartment.

Felix looked up and smiled at him.

“Hey! I didn’t think you’d be home already,” Felix said as he kicked his shoes off.

He looked extremely excited. “I got the stuff to make cookies tonight!”

Han watched as Felix entered the apartment and set the black plastic bag on the counter before setting his work backpack on one of the stools and shrugged off his jacket. “You wanna help?”

Felix’s question was meant to be harmless and Han knew Felix liked to bond over baking. Han wasn’t very good at it but he still liked to keep his roommate company while the latter was in the kitchen.

Han glanced down and picked at the nail polish on his fingers. A bad habit he’d picked up whenever he got too anxious. “Actually,” he started before looking to find Felix already looking at him as he emptied the bag.

“I have to talk to you.”

Felix’s smile fell. “That sounds serious,” the blond said as he tucked the bag away with the others and turned back around to face Han.

“I’m not in trouble, am I?” He asked jokingly. Han smiled, letting out a small laugh before shaking his head. “No,” he answered before his smile fell and he swallowed thickly. “But I might be.”

Felix’s smile immediately shifted to a look of concern as he moved around the kitchen counter. “What’s wrong?” He asked as he approached Han who directed him to sit before moving over to the covered cake pan and picking up the whole thing to move it to the counter.

“What’s this?” Felix asked as Han set it in front of him. “It’s a pre-apology,” Han explained as he moved to the cabinet that housed the plates, grabbing one and then grabbing a fork and moved back to where Felix sat, setting both the plate and the fork in front of his friend.

“It’s already cut,” Han explained as he stared at the cover of the cake pan and not at his friend. Felix looked positively confused now, looking from the cake pan to Han and back.

“Are you going to explain what you’re pre-apologizing for?” Felix asked, watching as Han nodded.

“Yeah uh,” Han said softly, his voice cracking slightly, forcing him to clear his throat. “I’ve done something. I don’t think it’s terrible,” he started. “But I’m still not sure how you’re going to react.”

Felix looked up at Han, keeping his face as neutral as possible.

Han finally sighed and took hold of the knob at the top of the cake pan cover, lifting it and revealing a very professional looking cheesecake.

Felix had to hold in a laugh as he looked at it.

“Where did you get this?” he asked. Han nibbled on his bottom lip as he stared at the cheesecake. “The bakery down the street,” he answered softly. Felix chuckled again before looking back at the cheesecake.

It was only then that he noticed there was something written on top. “They used some kind of fruit spread gel for the writing,” Han admitted. “I’m pretty sure they’ve never had anyone order something like this before.”

Felix’s eyes widened as he read the words scrawled across the top of the cheesecake in a very pretty font. Very curly and loopy letters spelled out the words ‘sorry I slept with your best friend.’

Upon reading it, Felix burst into a fit of laughter, falling back against the back of the stool. “Dude!” He shouted, head thrown back. “Are you serious?”

Han nodded, heart racing as he realized maybe your fears were founded. Maybe you were right and this was a really bad idea.

Until Felix continued to laugh, shaking his head. “I knew it.”

Han’s eyes widened as he observed his roommate. Was he… smiling?

“I suspected something was going on between you two,” Felix continued as he picked up the cake serving spatula and placed a piece of cheesecake on the plate before picking up the fork and digging in.

Han was utterly perplexed. “What? How?”

“The way she absolutely refused to come over here and meet you. The way you both acted at the party that night,” he said, taking a bite of cheesecake and almost sighing in contentment. “Oh that’s heavenly,” he said through a mouthful of cheesecake.

“Might wanna get yourself a piece before I eat all of this.”

Han moved quickly, grabbing another plate and fork before serving himself a piece of the cheesecake and taking a bite. Felix was right. It was heavenly. The bakery had outdone themself on short notice.

“She must have realized before she came to the party,” Felix continued, looking up from his plate to his friend. “Maybe when I showed her your instagram.” Han nodded thoughtfully.

“Oh man,” Felix said, shaking his head as the laughter started again.

“I really can’t believe this.”

Han set his fork down. “I really am sorry,” he said solemnly. Felix shook his head.

“Don’t be,” he said seriously. “I’ve been trying to hook the two of you up since before we moved in together.” It was Han’s turn to laugh this time.

“Wait, really?” He asked, covering his mouth to shield the huge bite of cheesecake he’d just taken. Felix nodded, laughing maniacally. “I figured the two of you would get on really well and I guess in a way, my feeling was right.”

Han scoffed but couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face. Knowing Felix had been gunning for the two of you the whole time made him feel a lot better. “So you really aren’t mad?” Han asked, heart fluttering when Felix shook his head again.

“Nah, honestly? You two would make such a good couple,” Felix said, cutting off a piece of cake with his fork before looking up. “If that’s what you want, of course.”

Han tilted his head to the side, aware of the fact he might look like a puppy being called by his name for the first time. “If you want to date her, I’m perfectly fine with it,” Felix explained.

“But if you just want to sleep with one another, I’m fine with that too.” Felix shrugged his shoulders, taking the bite of his piece.

He suddenly pointed at Han with the tines of his fork.

“But if you hurt her, I will hurt you,” he warned the brunet. Han smiled widely. “I wouldn’t dream of it,” Han said as he finished his cheesecake. Felix nodded, shifting in his seat and taking another slice of cheesecake.

“I’m also going to assume ‘Baby’ was Y/N this whole time?” Felix asked suddenly. Han nodded. “Yeah.”

Felix nodded slowly. “I kind of figured,” he chuckled.

“Like I said, I don’t care if you date or just fuck but if you hurt her, you know the consequences,” Felix continued.

“Also, one more thing,” he added, sitting up suddenly, making Han jump from the sudden movement. “Please do not fuck her while i’m here,” he pleaded.

“At least warn me if you’re gonna bring her back here. That’s my best friend after all.”

Han nodded quickly, moving to set his plate and fork in the sink. “I’ll clean that later,” he said as he moved towards the door to put on his shoes.

“Wait, where are you going?” Felix asked as Han grabbed his jacket and keys.

“I’ve got a girl to ask out,” Han said with a smile, one Felix returned.

“Go get her,” he said with a wink.

“I’ll just stay here and test the quality of the rest of this cheesecake.”

You fished your keys out of your bag as you approached your door, ignoring the incessant buzzing of your phone. ‘Felix is persistent today,’ you thought as you finally got your door unlocked and let yourself into your apartment.

Once inside and your shoes removed, you finally pulled your phone out to see what your best friend had to say only to find it hadn’t been your best friend blowing up your phone at all. It was Han.

Hanji: I hope you’re home right now cause i’m coming over. Hanji: we need to talk and i’m not doing it over text or voice call Hanji: this needs to happen face to face Hanji: and don’t bother trying to ignore these messages, Felix told me your schedule. I know when you get off work.

Your heart started to pound.

‘What does he mean Felix told him? Why would Felix do that?’

You set your phone down and hurried through your apartment to your room to change quickly out of your work attire.

You’d just managed to get your blouse unbuttoned before you heard the ringing of your doorbell. “Shit,” you hissed, quickly rebuttoning the blouse.

You weren’t going to have time to change.

Clumsily, you stumbled through your apartment, making sure your clothes were on properly in your haste. Once you were certain you were properly clothed, you walked over to the door as a series of knocks rang out.

Turning on the camera feed you were greeted by the sight of Han standing outside your door. He was dressed in a black button down and a pair of black slacks. ‘He must have not changed after work,’ you thought as you prepared yourself to face him.

Pulling open the door drew his attention and he turned his head to look at you.

A beat of silence fell over the two of you as you both stood there, staring at each other. Finally Han cleared his throat. “You look nice,” he noted, his voice soft. You fought back the urge to smile, nodding towards him.

“You, too.” Han wasn’t as good at hiding his emotions, a smile forming before he dropped it, clearing his throat again. “Could I come in? I really wanna talk and I don’t want to do this where your neighbors might see or hear.”

Your heart hammered in your chest.

You knew you had two options. You could let him in and deal with the consequences of that decision or you could turn him away and possibly never hear from him again.

The choice was made for you as you stood aside and motioned for him to enter.

Once he stepped inside, you shut the self locking door and turned to watch as he moved further into the living room. Seeing him in your apartment again was surreal, especially after learning that he was your best friend’s roommate.

“Do you want something to drink?”

Your mouth spoke before you had the chance to think about it. Han turned to look at you.

“Just water is fine.”

You moved to the kitchen to get him his request, ignoring the way his eyes followed your movements.

You grabbed one of the bottles of water from the fridge before shutting the door and turning to move around the kitchen island to give it to him.

Han thanked you, taking the bottle but didn’t open it. Instead, he held onto it for a couple seconds before sighing and setting it on the counter before taking your hand and leading you over to the couch, pulling you down to sit with him.

“I don’t know how to say this delicately so I’m just gonna come out and say it,” he said, keeping your hand in his, moving his other hand to incase yours.

“I talked to Felix.”

You looked up from his hands to his face. ‘He what?’

“Now, before you get mad,” Han said quickly, sensing you were about to explode. “I did it because I’m tired of this back and forth thing between us. I wanted you to not have to worry about what Felix would think. I wanted to get how I feel about you off my chest to him,” he explained.

“So you went behind my back?”

Han shook his head. “This was about me coming clean to my roommate about my feelings for his best friend.”

“So he doesn’t know we slept together?”

Han shook his head. “No, he does.”

You pulled your hand from his and stood up.

“God damn it, Han!” you cursed as you started to walk away, wanting to put some distance between you. Han followed, ignoring your want for space.

He clearly wasn’t done talking.

“Okay, maybe I should have talked to you first but I knew how you’d react. You’d tell me no and that it’s a bad idea-”

“Because it is!”

You were upset. Felix must be so angry with you and that’s why he hasn’t messaged you since lunchtime.

How dare Han disregard your worries and feelings.

A frown crossed Han’s features as he stared at you.

“It wasn’t a bad idea,” he answered. You scoffed, turning away as you continued to pace.

“It wasn’t! Felix doesn’t even care!”

You stopped in your tracks and slowly turned to face Han as he moved around the kitchen counter to where you stood. He took both your hands in his.

“He’s not mad,” he repeated.

“In fact, he’s been trying to set us up this whole time.”

“He what?” you asked incredulously.

Han nodded, an amused smile forming on his face.

“That’s what he told me. That’s why he’s been trying to introduce us. He’d hoped that by introducing us, I’d forget about ‘the girl that ghosted me’ and you’d move on from whatever guy was tormenting you. Of course he didn’t realize that we,” he said, motioning between the two of you, “were those people.”

You stared at Han, searching his expression for any hint of dishonesty but found nothing. Only bright innocent eyes staring back at you.

“He really doesn’t care?” you asked softly.

Han nodded. “He wants us together. He only asks that we keep any mushy stuff to a minimum around him. I’m also supposed to warn him if I bring you home.”

You let out a laugh, quickly covering your mouth with your hand. “Sorry,” you said softly. “He doesn’t have to worry about that. If anything, we’ll just come back here,” you murmured.

“W-we will?”

You nodded. “Yeah. I don’t have a roommate.”

A smile spread slowly across Han’s face as the meaning of your words set in.

“So does this mean…”

You nodded again. “I guess since Felix knows, there’s nothing else keeping us from seeing each other,” you added.

Han let out a heavy sigh before pulling you into a tight hug. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that,” he whispered into your shoulder. "You're squeezing me too tight," you gasped. Han quickly loosened his grip but didn't let go entirely.

"Sorry," he murmured. "I'm just so excited."

You chuckled at his enthusiasm, finally allowing yourself to relax in his hold. "If I asked you on a date, would you say yes?" Han asked suddenly, making you chuckle again.

"I don't know," you joked, pulling back to look at him.

"I'd have to think about that."

Han's expression looked mildly confused and worried for a split second until he noticed the mischievous smirk on your face. He playfully shook you.

"Yah!" he whined. "You had me going for a second!"

You cackled loudly at his pouts.

"I'm sorry," you cooed, taking his face in your hands.

"Would a date make up for it?"

Han pouted again. "Well now I don't know if I wanna go on a date with you!" he huffed, puffing up his cheeks indignantly. You merely shrugged. "Okay," you replied, starting to pull away.

"Wait!" Han shouted, grabbing you and pulling you back.

"I do! I wanna go on a date with you."

You smiled sweetly at him. "Then let's go on a date," you replied.

"I just need to do something first," you added, giving him a quick peck before escaping his grasp and moving to collect your phone from the counter as he followed.

"You can't just kiss me and then dip like that," he whined.

You ignored him and unlocked the screen with Han behind you, his chin resting on your shoulder. "Whatcha doin?" He asked, hands moving to your waist as you opened your text chat with Felix and started typing.

"Thanking Felix," you answered. Han pressed his lips against your neck briefly. "What for?" His voice was soft and full of genuine curiosity. "I wanna thank him for not being upset with us."

You: thank you. truly

Felix's response was almost instantaneous.

Felix: I told you I wouldn't be mad. I'm not. I'm actually glad it's Han. Felix: I wanted to hook the two of you up since before he and I moved in together but the timing was never right Felix: at least it all worked out in the end, right? You: yeah, I guess it did 😌 Felix: just pls promise that you guys will be smart and use protection and not fuck in the apartment while I'm there 🤢 You: okay dad 🙄 Felix: I'm serious about the protection thing. I'm too young to be an uncle

You heard Han scoff lightly in your ear. "He's acting like he doesn't have an older sister.” You laughed at his remark as you typed a reply.

You: i’m on bc, you know this but we’ll be careful. I promise

After sending the text, you set your phone back down and turned around in Han’s hold, placing your arms over his shoulders and playing with his hair. “So when are we going out?” You asked, trying not to smile as he made an exaggerated thinking face.

“Well, there’s one of those pop up fairs coming to the area in about a week. We could go there?” Han asked. You nodded slowly. “On the condition we don’t go on any roller coasters,” you said. Han nodded before leaning in to steal a kiss.

“Agreed. I’m not ready to die.”

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough. The entire week leading up to the day, Han was nervously awaiting for a text from you saying you’d changed your mind. Luckily, that text never came but it didn’t ease his nerves one bit.

Not to mention that Felix was constantly asking him what they planned to do on their date. Han had no problem telling his roommate and was thankful that Felix was there to reassure him that the plan was good and that you would love it.

He also offered a few tips about what you liked and what you definitely didn’t like. Han wondered how Felix knew all this but then again, you were his best friend and had been for a while. Felix had received a picture from Y/N trying to figure out what to wear and more than once, Han had tried to sneak a glance at Felix’s phone as the latter gave his opinion.

Felix refused to let Han know what you planned to wear because he wanted Han to be surprised.

“It’s better if you just see.”

So, if Han hadn’t been nervous before, he certainly was now as he dug through his closet. He’d pulled out several articles of clothing but nothing seemed to be appropriate enough for a first date. The only thing he could count on was the leather jacket he’d set near the head of his bed and tried to base an outfit around that.

He was so engrossed in what he was doing, he didn’t even hear his door open or Felix enter the room.

“What are you doing?”

Han turned to find Felix standing in the doorway, staring at the mess that coated his bed and the floor with an amused smile.

“My date with Y/N is today,” Han said quickly, turning back to his closet. Felix chuckled, folding his arms over his chest as he watched as Han continued to push items aside.

“Okay. So why are you panicking?” Felix asked as he walked further into the room, looking around at the mess.

“Because I want to impress her,” Han answered as he pulled out a different jacket and looked over it.

Felix looked down at the bed and grabbed a pair of black jeans.

“Want some help?”

Han turned to look at his roommate as the latter picked up the leather jacket he had set aside. “I thought I’d wear that,” he said as he turned back to the clothes still hanging in his closet. Felix glanced around at the clothes laying on the bed, still on the hangers before looking up at the open closet.

He moved around the edge of the bed and grabbed a pair of black jeans. “Here,” he said softly, handing both items to Han and starting to look through the shirts.

Han held up the black fitted jeans and then looked up as Felix pulled out a shirt, only to shake his head and place it back on the rack and continue looking.

“Y/N doesn’t really care too much about this kind of stuff,” Felix said as he looked through Han’s clothes. “She’s really simple.”

Han smiled to himself. “For someone who doesn’t care too much about fashion, she always seems to look good,” he remarked, making Felix smile.

“She used to be really awful at it, actually.”

Han looked up quickly as Felix pulled out another shirt. It was a plain white tee with a splash of color across the torso at an angle. “She lived exclusively in hoodies and sweats during college,” Felix explained as he handed Han the shirt.

“It wasn’t until senior year that she broke out of that phase and started dressing up and finding her style,” he added with a smile. “She still has trouble from time to time but she has me to help her out.”

Han returned the smile, looking at the shirt before looking back up at his roommate. “And it would seem I also have you to help me.”

Once the outfit had been chosen, Felix helped Han put the clothes on the bed away, handing them back to Han so he could hang them up properly in his closet.

“What was Y/N like in college?” Han asked as he took another pair of jeans from Felix to put away. Felix snorted, no doubt remembering some fond memories.

“She was kind of annoying. She was one of those girls who only cared about grades,” Felix answered, handing over more clothes. “Not at all like the people I usually hung around.”

Han tilted his head. “How did you two become friends?”

Felix looked up as he handed Han another hanger. “We actually met on the South Lawn,” he answered. “She was laying on a blanket reading by herself and I was playing frisbee with Changbin and Hyunjin when I tripped over her.”

Han suddenly whipped around.

“Whoa, wait. You tripped over her? Like over her body?”

Felix nodded, laughing as he remembered the incident.

“Yeah, well, her legs,” he answered.

“It was during finals before spring break. We’d all just finished our finals and were spending the rest of the day relaxing and hanging out. Y/N was reading some book with a title about as long as my arm.”

Han smiled as he tried to picture you laying on a blanket under a tree or something similar, a book in your hands as you read and enjoyed the weather.

“She actually picked a spot quite out of the way but I still somehow managed to stumble over her and injure myself.”

Han watched as Felix ran his fingers through his hair before continuing his story.

“I expected her to be condescending or something. We all knew her as that studious, nerdy girl but she was surprisingly sweet. Not at all like her reputation. She immediately asked if I was okay and started looking at my ankle which I later learned I twisted tripping over her ankle.”

Felix shook his head as he chuckled.

“Poor thing, her ankle bruised and swelled up for a week. She had to use one of those scooter things to rest her leg on and wheel around,” Felix explained as Han listened in fascination.

“We became friends shortly after that and through me she met Hyunjin and Changbin. She sort of became our baby in a way. I remember the first time we took her to a party.”

Han sat on the edge of his bed. “What was that like?”

Felix looked at Han and took a seat next to him. “Stressful,” he answered.

“We agreed that we wouldn’t hover over her and let her blossom and maybe make some new friends but when one of the upperclassmen tried to give her a random drink and she almost accepted it, Changbin had to step in and tell the guy to piss off. From then on, one of us was always by her side at parties until we felt she had learned well enough who to trust and who not to trust.”

Han tried to picture you as the meek, timid creature Felix was describing but he couldn’t do it. He could only see you as the strong, confident woman he’d come to know.

“Did she date in college?” Han asked suddenly, surprising himself and felix.

Felix shook his head. “Not exactly.” Han tilted his head in curiosity.

Felix sighed and turned to face his roommate a little more. “Okay, I’m going to tell you this once and then I never want to hear about it again,” he explained. Han nodded quickly, excited for a glimpse into your past.

“Remember at our housewarming party? Ryujin thought Y/N and I had hooked up in the past?”

Han’s smile fell.

He remembered that night quite vividly despite the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. His mind was reeling with what Felix was about to tell him.

“Well, it’s partially true,” Felix continued. “We’ve never had sex.”

Han relaxed after Felix’s admission.

“But that doesn’t mean we haven’t… fooled around.”

And just like that, Han’s stomach tightened in knots.

“F-fooled around?”

Felix nodded. “Nothing crazy,” he reassured Han. “It was when we were still getting to know each other. There were a lot of new feelings, things she’d never really experienced before.”

Han listened to Felix’s explanation in silence, only nodding occasionally.

“What have you guys done?” Han asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“We’ve kissed. A lot actually. There were more than a few times I walked her back to her dorm and it ended with us making out in her room. It never went any further than kissing and getting handsy,” Felix said as he glanced at Han.

“I’ve also never seen her entirely naked.”

Han perked up.

“Really?” Felix shook his head. “I’ve only ever seen her in her underwear,” he answered. The two fell silent for a moment.

“When did you two stop?” Han asked finally.

Felix furrowed his brow as he thought back. “Probably about a week before she and Changbin hooked up,” Felix replied. “Which is probably why I felt so weird about them sleeping together,” he added.

“Whatever was going on between us ended amicably and then she and Changbin just… yeah. It felt weird but they agreed that it was a one time deal and surprisingly things didn’t feel awkward as a group.” Han nodded slowly.

“And you’re really okay with this?” Han asked, meeting his roommate’s gaze.

“Me and Y/N?”

Felix nodded, a smile spreading across his face. “Y/N is my best friend and sure we have a short history but it was never going to be more with us. She deserves someone who I know is good,” he answered.

“I’ve always felt like the two of you would be really good for each other,” he added.

“I can’t think of anyone I’d want her with more than you.”

Han smiled fondly at his friend’s words and glanced down at the clothes still in his hands. He stood up quickly.

“Well, I’d better get ready then. Don’t want to keep your best friend waiting.”

Felix smiled and stood up as well, moving to the door before turning to look back at Han one last time. “And I mean it,” he said suddenly.

“You hurt her, I hurt you,” Felix warned, pointing at Han with a serious expression. Han nodded. “I like her too much to hurt her,” he answered.

“She’s more precious to me than that.”

Felix nodded nonchalantly. “Good answer,” he said with a smirk, exiting the room and leaving Han to change and get ready for his date.

Saturday finally came and you were thankful Han had suggested Saturday instead of Friday. You had to run some errands in the morning and had managed to get everything done. Han had planned to come get you in the evening, and after a shower, applying some makeup, and putting on an outfit that you totally didn’t pick out while on Facetime with Felix, you were ready.

The buzzer went off and you ran to check the camera feed. It was Han on the other side, which made sense as you weren’t waiting on anyone else.

You took a deep breath and turned the knob, pulling the door open. Han smiled at you and looked you over quickly. “You ready?” He asked, clearly having a hard time containing his excitement.

You nodded. “Yeah, almost. Come in.”

Han crossed the threshold, letting the door shut behind him as you moved to grab the tiny clutch purse you’d paired with your outfit. He continued to watch you as you made sure you had everything you needed. 'Keys, money, phone, lip gloss...'

Once you were certain you had everything, you quickly slipped on your comfortable high tops and announced you were ready.

Han opened the door and let you walk through first before following, making sure your door shut. He even gave the knob a little jiggle to make sure it was locked.

The ride down to the lobby was quiet until Han broke the silence by clearing his throat.

“You get all your errands done earlier?”

You could almost see him mentally scolding himself for asking that. It was sort of cute in a way. You nodded, fighting the urge to smile.

“Yeah,” you answered. “Shopping is done for the week.”

Han chuckled, tilting his head. “I usually do all my shopping on Sundays,” he admitted. You nodded in response. “Most people do,” you answered.

“I do it on Saturday so I don’t feel rushed on Sundays to get things done.”

Han blinked, staring at you silently before finally speaking.

“Holy shit. I think you might be onto something there.”

Your cheeks burned as the elevator reached the lobby and the doors opened. Han led you out of the lift and past the security guard. Outside, parked in one of the visitor spaces was a black Jeep Renegade with tinted windows.

You’d never seen his car before and it dawned on you that there was probably a lot you didn’t know about Han. How could you anyway? You’d slept together one time and then ghosted the poor guy.

You decided you would have to make up for that and now you could.

Han opened your door for you, giving you a cheeky grin. You thanked him and climbed in, looking around the interior as he jogged around the front end of the car and got into the driver’s seat.

You buckled your seatbelt as he turned the engine on. “We’re gonna park as close as I can,” he announced as he put the car into drive and pulled out to follow the flow of traffic. “But we will probably still have to walk.”

You shrugged your shoulders. “More time we get to spend together,” you said simply, looking away to look out the window. You didn’t see the way Han’s lips twitched, fighting a smile.

The drive was mostly silent until you couldn’t handle it anymore and flipped on the stereo. “What kind of music are you listening to?” You asked as you did, not giving Han a chance to react as he tried to focus on driving.

A song came on that you weren’t expecting.

“Is…” you trailed off. “Is this Shakira?” You asked, looking up at him. He looked panicked. “I like some of her music,” he admitted, making you laugh. “What? This is a good song!” He retorted as your laughter subsided.

“I didn’t say it was bad,” you said, shaking your head as you fought the giggles.

“I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Han seemed to relax, his fingers on the wheel loosening a little as he sat back in his seat. “You can change it if you want,” he murmured, making you fight the urge to giggle again. It wasn't like you were teasing him. You genuinely did not expect to hear Shakira when you turned the stereo on.

“I’ll leave it. See what comes on next.”

Han whined as you laughed. “Yah! Don’t tease me!”

The ride wasn’t very long and upon arriving near the fairgrounds, you could see that the roads had been blocked for all motor traffic and a uniformed official was redirecting everyone.

Han followed the line of cars and turned into a parking garage.

Finding a space proved to be a lot harder than either of you expected but near the top of the garage, almost eight floors up, you finally spotted someone pulling out of the spot. Han waited patiently, allowed the car to pass before finally pulling smoothly into the spot and parking the car.

“Finally!” He groaned as he shut the car off. You giggled to yourself as you released yourself from the confines of your seatbelt and turned to open the door.

Han stopped you quickly.

“Wait!” he said loudly, making you jump and turn to face him. “What?” you asked, panicking. Han got out and hurried around the back of the car to open your door for you. You fought the urge to both roll your eyes and smirk.

“You didn’t have to open it again, you know.”

Han shrugged his shoulders, a smile playing at his lips. “I wanted to.”

The two of you headed through the dim parking garage towards the elevators and you were able to beat Han to press the button, making him pout slightly. “You don’t have to do everything!” you reminded him. He grumbled about wanting to and you decided to let him do things his way. It was kind of cute how much he was trying to impress you like you weren’t already smitten with him.

But he didn’t need to know that just yet.

The ride down to the ground level was quick and uneventful but you took the time to look over Han to see what he’d chosen to wear. He had on a pair of black fitted jeans tucked into black boots. He wore a white tee with a splash of color across the midsection with the hem tucked into his pants showing off the black leather belt he’d worn. Over the shirt, he sported a moto style black leather jacket over a gray zip up hoodie.

He looked incredible and you suddenly felt very self conscious. It wasn’t like you didn’t dress up either but Han made everything he wore look like it came from some kind of catalog. It was impressive and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t swooning even more.

Once on street level, Han boldly took your hand in his and led you towards the entrance to the fairgrounds. It wasn’t a long walk but it was still enough time for the two of you to talk a bit.

“So we agreed, no roller coasters, right?” Han asked as the two of you walked, hand in hand. You tore your attention from the way your hand felt in his. The warmth was nice as your hands were a bit chilly due to the evening air.

“Right,” you confirmed with a nod. “Those things are terrifying enough at amusement parks but at pop up fairs? There’s no way I'd ever get on one of those.”

The sounds from the fair started to reach you as you approached. The screams of delight from riders on the various amusement rides, the excited yells of children no doubt urging their parents to hurry up.

You subconsciously squeezed Han’s hand and he gave you a reassuring squeeze.

“Crowds make you nervous too?” He asked. You nodded wordlessly.

Han smiled as he led the way, slowing his pace just a little.

“Me too.”

You looked at him, waiting for him to continue. “I struggle a lot with my social anxiety,” he admitted. To say you were shocked would be an understatement.

“Social anxiety?” You asked, trying to confirm you heard him correctly.

He nodded. “Yeah, doesn’t seem like it?”

You shook your head.

“With how well you fit in at that house party, I never would have guessed.”

Han smiled, letting out a small huff of a laugh. “Yeah. Alcohol helps with the setting but only if I have a couple. Any more than that, and it gets really bad.”

You nodded in response. “I know how you feel. Drinking socially has always been difficult to find a good cut off point. When I’m alone it’s not as bad but in a group setting, I never know when to cut off because of the anxiety.

You arrived at the entrance to the fair, joining the line to get tickets.

“Look,” he said, drawing your attention. “I know we agreed on no rollercoasters,”

“But what about ferris wheels?”

You followed his line of sight and saw the massive steel contraption looming over the fairgrounds. You shook your head.

“No. No way,” you answered.

You had a thing about heights and this was one of the biggest ferris wheels you’d ever seen. Han pouted briefly. You tore your gaze from his face and noticed another ride in the distance and came up with an idea.

“Two please,” Han said suddenly and you realized the line had moved quickly and you were already at the entrance. He paid the fee and thanked the cashier as she gave you your wristbands. Once inside, Han helped you put yours on and you helped him put his on before looking around.

It was certainly a sight to see. Lots of stalls had been set up with various purposes. Stalls for food, games, and even a few information stalls lined invisible alleys, the bright lights pulling the eye and hopefully a few patrons.

“So, where to first?” Han asked, looking around before looking at you.

“Shall we just walk around?” you asked. “Get a feel for what’s going on?”

Han nodded, holding out his hand for you to take.

You took it without hesitation and followed his lead as he started down one of the many alleys lined with stalls. You kept your head on a swivel, turning every direction in an effort to see everything the fair had to offer.

“I didn’t realize it would be so busy,” Han said softly as you reached a small crowded area. He looked around for an easy way through but found none. “Let’s just go around,” he offered but you weren’t easily swayed.

Squeezing his hand a little tighter, you carefully started through the crowd, calling out “excuse me’s” and “coming through’s.” Before long, you’d both made it through the crowd and ended up on the other side. “That wasn’t too bad, right?” You asked, looking towards Han who shook his head as if shaking whatever thoughts he was having away. “I guess not,” he chuckled.

“Oh look!” you exclaimed, your eye being caught by a stall nearby.

“Corn dogs!”

After dragging Han over and looking over the menu, you settled on your orders and waited patiently for the corndogs to be made. You’d chosen to get frozen lemonade slushies to drink. Yours was strawberry while Han’s was blackberry.

“How is it?” You asked, nodding towards his lemonade. He looked down at the cup and shrugged. “It’s alright,” he answered. You grabbed his cup and leaned in to take a sip. It was pretty good. Han stared at you with wide eyes until you offered yours for him to try. He took a sip and almost groaned.

“That’s so much better,” he whined. You laughed before grabbing his and handing him yours. “Here,” you said. Han shook his head, trying to take the blackberry one back but you held it away. “It’s fine,” you reassured him. “I actually like this flavor.”

Han sighed, silently admitting defeat before taking a sip of the strawberry lemonade again. “Thank you,” he said, giving you a smile.

Your order number was called and Han quickly handed you the strawberry drink, moving to grab your corndogs. With your food in hand, the two of you walked away from the stall, finding a stone planter to sit on and sat next to each other.

The corn dogs were amazing. You’d chosen a half hotdog, half mozzarella corn dog with panko crumbs. You added a sprinkling of powdered cheese and garlic sauce on it. Han had gone for a mozzarella one with sugar on the outside and a sweet chili sauce.

You took a bite of your corn dog, nearly moaning at the taste but felt that might not be appropriate. Han watched your expression with an amused look before taking a bite of his own corn dog. It was your turn to watch him hold back whatever sound he was about to make.

“I haven’t had a good corn dog in a long time,” he said, covering his mouth as he spoke through a mouthful of food. You nodded. “It's been way too long.”

The two of you sat as you ate and sipped on your drinks.

“You want to try it before I eat it all?” Han asked, holding up his mostly finished corn dog. You nodded. He held it up for you to take but you had a better idea.

You grabbed his wrist, bringing the corn dog closer and took a bite.

He was right. It was really good. The sugar paired with the cheese and the chili sauce was a good combination. Han watched as you licked your lips and nodded. “Oh, that’s really good,” you admitted.

Han reached up suddenly.

“You got a little something,” he said softly. You held still as he used his thumb to wipe the corner of your lips. You watched as he brought his thumb to his own lips and licked. “Chili sauce,” he said with a smirk. Your heart was racing and your core was suddenly hot.

‘Why did he have to do that right here? Right now?’

You cleared your throat and picked up your lemonade, taking a long sip. Han finished his corn dog and got up to toss the trash away before returning to sit beside you, much closer than he was before.

You tried to focus on eating your corn dog but the heat radiating off his body made focusing difficult. Not to mention the way he was watching you eat. You turned to look at him, meeting his gaze. “Did you want to try it?” You asked, holding up the corn dog. He shook his head. “Nope.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Why are you watching me then?” You asked in a low voice. Han’s smile morphed into a smirk. “No reason,” he said, obviously lying.

“If you want a taste, you just have to-”

Your words were cut off when Han suddenly pressed his lips to yours. You stiffened briefly before leaning into the kiss. You felt his tongue swipe over your bottom lip but he suddenly pulled away.

You look at him confused. He only smiled more.

“That garlic sauce is really good.”

Your cheeks burned.

‘That’s not what I meant when I said taste,’ you thought to yourself trying to hide your furiously blushing face as you took another sip of the cool lemonade slushie.

When you finally finished your food, Han stood up and took your trash to toss it before returning to your side. “Come here,” he said, holding his hand out. You took it, allowing him to pull you to your feet and lead you away from the area.

The two of you arrived in another alley where the stalls were only games.

Han continued to walk slowly down the way, still holding your hand in his warm one until he stopped, looking at one particular stall. You followed his gaze and noticed it was one of those ball throwing games where you had to knock down so many of the glass bottles.

A classic but also the hardest of carnival games. “That’s really cute,” he said, pointing at a huge plushie hanging from the ceiling of the stall. It was one of the cutest teddy bears you’d seen in a long time. “It is really cute.”

Your comment didn’t go unnoticed by Han who let go of your hand to walk towards the stall. “Han,” you said quickly, following him. “These games are a scam, you don’t have to!” you said under your breath as you both approached the counter, stopping beside him.

The attendant had already launched into his sales pitch and you sighed in defeat as Han purchased the max amount of tries. “Han, really,” you said as he turned to give you a quick smile.

Needless to say, he wasn’t able to knock any of the bottles down. He managed to hit a few but they stood proud, knocking down only Han’s self esteem.

The attendant shrugged, the same smug smile on his face. “Better luck next time, buddy,” he said. For some reason, his response really irked you so you pulled out a note from your bag and stepped forward.

“Three tries,” you said blankly, slapping the bill down on the counter. The attendant gave you the same smug smile as he took your bill. Han placed his hand on your arm. “Y/N, really it’s okay,” he said softly. You shook your head. He’d been humiliated and shown nothing but disdain from the stall attendant.

You were determined to wipe that smug smile off the guy’s face.

“I got this,” you said to Han with a warm smile.

Han watched as you picked up the first ball and lined up the shot. You knew the trick to these games was about accuracy and not so much about force.

Once you were sure your aim was right, you threw the ball.

It hit the center bottle on the bottom of the shelf and like magic, all of the bottles came tumbling down, shocking both Han and the attendant. You smiled triumphantly and instead of the giant teddy, you pointed at another giant plushie in the shape of a quokka. “I want that one.”

Along with the plushie, you also managed to talk the attendant out of two fuzzy brown headbands with animal ears on them.

You walked away with the difference of your fee as it had only taken one try to knock the bottles down. Han had already put on the animal ears and was carrying the plushie as you walked down the walkway together slowly.

“I can’t believe you got it one try!” Han said excitedly as you put on your matching headband and followed behind him. He turned to wait for you to catch up, the excitement was evident on his face and it was worth every cent to see him light up like that after his repeated missed shots.

When you caught up, Han took your hand and kept pace with you. “This thing is huge,” he continued, squeezing the plushie with one arm, the widest grin on his face. “You can keep it,” you said with your own smile on your face. Han turned to look at you. “No, you won it,” he said as you both slowed to a stop.

“I won it for you,” you replied simply. Han’s cheeks turned pink as he glanced down at the plushie and then up. His attention shifted. “Oh wait, here,” he said quickly, shoving the plushie into your arms and hurrying past you.

Turning around you noticed a collection of crane machines as well as other vending machines.

“Han, seriously!” you said as you followed him. “It’s okay!”

Han shook his head as he fed a singular bill to the crane machine.

“Which one do you want?” 

You sighed and glanced inside the glass windows, eyes scanning the pile of plushies. You noticed a cute little red panda plushie in the back corner. Han followed your gaze and smiled widely. “Consider it done.”

You whined. “Han, really it’s fine! You don’t have to waste your money!”

Han didn’t listen as he took the control stick and started to moved the crane over to the back corner. You watched as he carefully positioned the crane over the panda. He glanced at you with a smug smile before pressing the button.

You watched as the crane moved down and grabbed the red panda by the head. It slowly moved up, bringing the panda with it and carried it over to the drop slot, dropping it down the chute. You watched in awe as he fished the plushie out and looked it over. 

He handed it to you, taking the quokka from you with a smile.

“I may suck at carnival games,” he explained, making you look up from the cute little plushie in your hands. “But I’m a pro at crane games.”

The two of you continued to walk through the fairgrounds, weaving through the crowds that were beginning to thin out. Han couldn’t help but glance over at you as you walked slowly. The sun was setting, making way for the stars and moon. 

It was a beautiful night, but now that the sun was starting to set, a chill was setting in. Han glanced over at you once again. Felix was right. You’d chosen a very cute outfit. 

You’d paired a white skirt that reached the middle of your thighs with a white fitted cropped shirt sporting a cute pink graphic and a cropped pastel purple knitted cardigan.

It was cute to be certain, but Han felt it couldn’t be that warm and his suspicions were confirmed when a breeze blew through the fairgrounds and you visibly shivered. Stopping, Han set the quokka plush on the nearest surface and quickly shrugged off his leather jacket.

You stopped and turned to see where Han had gone and watched as he picked up the plush and crossed the short distance to hand you the jacket. “Here,” he said softly. 

You stared from the jacket up to him and back. 

“I’m okay,” you lied but Han wasn’t having it. 

“I saw you shiver, Y/N,” he said, calling your bluff. “Please take it.”

You puffed out your cheeks but obliged, tucking the red panda plushie between your knees as you pulled on his jacket. Han tried to ignore the thoughts that started to swirl about his brain as he glanced at the plush between your legs.

As soon as the jacket was on, you grabbed the plushie and stuck your tongue out at him, making him chuckle.

The two of you walked silently around the fairgrounds. Han was about to ask if you were ready to leave when you stopped, looking up at the ferris wheel. “Tell you what,” you finally said, turning to look at him. “I’ll make a deal with you.”

Han nodded. “I’m listening.”

“I’ll ride that with you,” you said pointing at the ferris wheel. Han felt excitement bubble in his chest.

“If you ride that with me.”

He quickly followed the direction you were pointing and his stomach sank upon seeing you were pointing at the swing ride. ‘Fuck.’

He took a deep breath and sighed before turning to look at you, smirking up at him. “Fine,” he said, shrugging and trying to seem nonchalant.

On the surface, he was calm but deep down he was freaking out.

The line for the swing ride wasn’t long as a lot of the crowd had dispersed due to the setting sun and families were no doubt heading home for dinner.

It only took a couple minutes to get through the line and once it was finally your turn, Han followed begrudgingly behind you. The attendant allowed you to keep your plushies as you settled down into the seat at one of the very ends of the swing.

Han settled the quokka plush between the two of you as the lap bar came down. “Oh, I hate this,” he said softly as you scooted as close as possible despite the giant animal plush between you. “It’s not so bad,” you said with a smile.

“You don’t like ferris wheels but you like this?” Han asked as the rest of the seats started to fill. You nodded. “I don’t like heights,” you admitted. “But I love swings.”

Han sighed deeply. “I don’t like fast rides,” he replied, looking around as the attendant closed the gate and started checking the lap bars. He felt your hand grab his gently. 

“If you want to close your eyes, I won’t judge you,” you said. 

If it weren’t for your genuine tone, he would have thought you were making fun of him but it was reassuring that you didn’t diminish or play off his dislike of the ride.

He let out a groan as the ride started, the mechanical whirring in the background as the hydraulics propelled the ride, slowly building momentum. Han squeezed his eyes shut, taking your hand tightly.

As the ride slowly started to gain momentum and height Han sank lower and lower, leaning into the plush, keeping his eyes shut tight. You couldn’t help but laugh as he let out a loud scream as the ride reached its full height. You burst out in laughter at his reaction.

“Stop!” He shouted feebly. “It’s so fast!” You felt bad for laughing but how could you not when he shrieked like that? “Make it stop!”

You leaned back against the seat and let out a loud laugh, enjoying the performance as the swing started to slow. Han opened his eyes slowly, letting out a whimper as the ride came to a stop.

You glanced over at him as he shook his head, quickly trying to salvage his image and sat up, looking over at you. “Please,” he begged. “Do not tell Felix.” You laughed again and nodded. “I won’t,” you promised.

“Thank you.”

Once you were finally released from the lap bars, Han made a beeline for the closest bench to sit down and regain his composure, leaving you to haul the giant quokka. 

“Sorry,” he gasped as you sat next to him. “I hate those kinds of rides.”

You tilted your head in response. “Then why did you ride it?”

Han looked up to meet your gaze. “Because I really want to ride the ferris wheel with you.” Your heart fluttered at the thought that he would put himself through such torment just to get to do something he liked with you.

You made a mental note of never making him ride another swing again.

Once the feeling had returned to his legs and he could stand on his own, Han led the way to the ferris wheel, carrying the quokka again.

The line for the ferris wheel was longer than the one for swing so it took longer to get onto the ride. You couldn’t help but glance up at the top, your stomach fluttering with nerves as you stared. You felt Han place an arm around your shoulders. “I’ll be right next to you the whole time,” he said reassuringly as you approached the attendant.

He allowed you to keep your plushies and showed you to the next empty cart. Han let you in first and sat closest to the exit, placing the quokka between you again. You glanced around nervously as he got settled.

Noticing this, Han had the attendant wait while he changed places with the plushie, putting it on the outside and slid next to you. The lap bar was locked in place and the ferris wheel moved backwards to load the next passengers.

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself as the ferris wheel slowly crept around, sending you higher and higher into the air. Han rested his arm on the seat behind you, pulling you flush against him. “It’s not so bad, right?” He asked, rubbing your arm soothingly over his jacket.

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, nibbling nervously. Han noticed and gently pulled your lip from your teeth with his thumb. “Hey,” he said softly.

“I’m right here.”

His words were meant to be reassuring but the simple touch of his thumb against your lip had your mind going places it definitely shouldn’t be while you were riding a ferris wheel.

You leaned in, pushing his hand away and pressing your lips against his. Han welcomed the gesture, bringing one hand to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. The cart jostled as the ride continued, breaking your kiss apart.

You were about to look around but Han stopped you, placing a hand on your cheek and forcing you to look at him. “Don’t,” he said softly. “Don’t look around. Just look at me,” he added, thumb caressing your cheek soothingly.

You caught a glimpse of the lights below and let out a shaky breath. Han pressed a quick peck to your lips. “Close your eyes,” he said softly. You looked back up to meet his eyes. “Trust me,” he said with a reassuring smile.

“Close your eyes, baby.”

The pet name made your stomach flip, fluttering as your heart pace quickened. You did as he instructed, taking a deep breath and closing your eyes.

You felt his forehead press against yours. “Just keep your eyes closed. I’ll tell you when to open them.”

The sounds of the fair were far below you now, like a distant memory as you felt the wind pick up. ‘We must be near the top,’ you thought to yourself.

After what felt like several minutes, Han finally spoke.

“Keep your eyes closed but look up,” he instructed softly. You did as he said, tilting your head up. “Okay, open.”

You opened your eyes and were greeted by a deep indigo sky tinged with a deep orange and pink near the horizon but what really caught your eye were the glittering stars.

Even in the city, you’d never seen so many stars yet here they were. You let out a quiet gasp as you looked at the stars, shimmering down at you.

Han smiled, watching you watch the sky. 

This was why he wanted to bring you up here. He knew this ferris wheel was tall enough to get you away from the lights below and let you see the stars like this. As cliche as it seemed, he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to share this with you and he was glad he agreed to ride that awful swing ride if it meant you’d ride this with him.

You looked from the sky to him, eyes shining with an excitement he’d only seen a handful of times. “It’s beautiful,” you whispered, looking back up to the sky. Han kept his eyes on you however. You were right. The sky was beautiful.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “It is.”

You turned to look at him again, finding him staring at you and not the sky. He could have sworn you blushed but didn’t have time to dwell on it as he pulled you into another kiss. There was a tenderness to the kiss that wasn’t present before. He felt your lips part against his and he followed his instinct, his tongue slipping into your mouth.

The moment his tongue met yours, it was like a switch flipped in him and he had to fight the urge to turn this into something more. You were still in public after all but damn it all if he didn’t want to take you back to the parking garage and fuck you in the backseat of his jeep.

But he couldn’t. He needed to show you he could control himself. That he was interested in more than your body. He wanted more than just sex with you. He wanted more dates. He wanted a domesticity with you he’d only ever seen in movies or on tv.

Reluctantly, he broke the kiss and quickly pressed his lips to your forehead, trying to keep the moment tender despite the fact his tongue was just down your throat moments ago.

The ride ended after a few more minutes, you clutching his arm with your eyes squeezed shut every time your cart reached the top, and the pair of you were walking towards the exit, your plushies in hand as you reached the gate.

After exiting, the two of you broke off from the crowd and headed for the parking garage with a few other fair patrons. Upon reaching the garage and waiting for the elevator, Han couldn’t keep his eyes off you. The way you smoothed the fake fur of your stuffed red panda, the way you stood so innocently.

It took everything in him not to jump you and flip that skirt up. He was grateful for the giant plushie he held in front of him that was hiding his obvious hard on. It wasn’t difficult for you to turn him on, he found. It was simple. You had to merely look or smile at him and he was ready to go.

The ride up to the eighth floor to the garage was quiet as was the walk back to his Jeep. Han opened your door, placed the giant plush in the backseat and climbed into the driver seat.

He left you in charge of the music as he started to drive down the levels and out onto the mostly empty streets. You glanced back one last time at the fairground before turning to face forward. Han glanced at you out of the side of his eye before looking in the rearview mirror to see the ferris wheel before he turned and lost sight of it.

You settled on a slow song from Han’s playlist. It took him a second to realize it was a song by Wayv. He had no idea you listened to them.

“I didn’t know you knew Wayv,” he admitted to which you smiled. “I do,” you answered. “And NCT.” The music played softly over the car speakers, filling the gaps in between idle chat. The lyrics didn't help Han with the way he felt and wanted to pull over to take you in the backseat but he refrained.

‘Tonight isn’t about that.’

Before long, Han was pulling up to your building and you realized you weren’t ready for the night to end. “Pull into the parking garage,” you instructed, making him look at you quickly before he obliged. He followed your direction and pulled into the empty space meant for a car that you didn’t own.

Han cut the engine and you both sat there silently. You weren’t sure what to say but you knew you needed to say something. Even if it was just that you weren’t ready for the night to end. Han spoke first.

“Can I walk you to your door?”

You looked up at him and nodded slowly. “Yeah,” you answered.

“I’d like that.”

The walk through the garage as well as through the lobby was quiet between the two of you. The lift arrived quickly and as you stepped on, you could feel the tension between the two of you. It had been present ever since you got back into his Jeep and the whole ride back, you had to fight the urge to ask him to pull over.

You wanted this date to be successful but you couldn’t deny that you were insanely attracted to Han and that you really wanted him. Even if you should be taking things slow, who cares? It was no one else's business but your own.

Glancing up, you found Han was already looking at you as the elevator doors shut. You didn’t know who moved first but it was clear that your feelings were reciprocated as Han pushed you up against the wall of the elevator, lips meeting yours in a passionate kiss.

As quickly as it started, it ended as Han pulled away, eyes still shut as he tried to regain his composure. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this here,” he murmured. “There are cameras.” You nuzzled his neck right under his jaw, lips ghosting over his skin.

“Give security a show,” you teased. “I’m sure they won’t mind.”

Han laughed softly, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. “You’re a little filthy,” he said with a smirk. You leaned in to press your lips to his. “Don’t pretend like you don’t like it,” you said in that same teasing tone.

You could feel his erection in his pants and you were right that he wanted this as much as you did.

The elevator dinged as the doors opened and Han reluctantly pulled away. “Come on,” he said softly, taking your hand in his and pulling you from the confines of the elevator before the doors shut.

The walk to your door was short and soon you were turning to face Han who shoved his hands in his pockets. You pouted slightly, hoping your little display in the elevator might entice him to want to come in.

“I should probably get going,” Han said suddenly. “Don’t want to get in trouble for parking in your space.” You shook your head.

“My neighbors will just assume I got a raise and a nice ass car,” you answered, making Han laugh out loud. “Oh yeah? It’s a nice ass car?” He asked. You nodded in response. “It really is. I like it.” The smile on Han’s face made it worth it.

“I should still head back,” he said softly. Your smile fell. “Are you sure?” You asked, meeting Han’s gaze when he looked up at you from his feet. “I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to come in for a bit.”

Han’s cheeks flushed as he shook his head. “I think if I came in now, I might not leave,” he said with a lighthearted chuckle. “I’m not opposed to that either,” you said softly.

Han either didn’t hear you or chose to ignore what you said as he leaned in. “I had a really great time tonight,” he said softly. “I would love to do it again soon.” You nodded with a smile.

“Same. It was really nice. Thank you for tonight.”

Your eyes fluttered shut as you felt his lips meet yours for what you assumed was going to be a tender kiss but the moment his lips met yours, Han couldn’t stop himself. He’d held off most of the night but now, this close to the privacy of your apartment, he wanted more.

He pushed you against your front door, groaning against your lips as his body pressed against yours. “Shit,” he cursed. “Sorry,” he whispered. You shook your head as you pulled out your keys and pushed him back enough to turn and unlock your door, letting the pair of you stumble into your apartment.

Once the door swung shut, Han was back on you in seconds, your keys and bag falling from your hands and clattering against the tiled floor of your entryway.

Your back hit the back of the door with a dull thud as Han pressed his body against yours. “Fuck,” he murmured. “Sorry.” His lips ghosted over yours, hands moving to your waist, fumbling to push his leather jacket he’d given you earlier that evening away from you.

“Why are you apologizing?” You chuckled as his lips trailed down the side of your neck. “I didn’t mean to be so rough,” he murmured against your skin. Your hands moved to his pants, fingers trying to undo his belt quickly.

“You should know by now I like it a little rough.”

Han groaned as you hastily pulled his belt free, letting it fall to the floor.

“Shit,” he hissed as you unbuttoned his jeans. “I swear I didn’t plan for this.”

You shook your head. “I know,” you replied, one hand moving up to the back of his neck, guiding his lips back to yours. You could have sworn you heard him moan against your lips as your hand slipped inside his pants, grabbing his already hard cock over his underwear.

You pulled back briefly as you slowly stroked him over the cloth. “Already hard?”

Your tone was teasing but Han clearly wasn’t in the mood for your teasing. Not tonight.

He crashed his lips against yours again, one of his hands slipping under your shirt and grazing the skin of your tummy as it moved up towards your chest, groping your breast firmly, pushing you against the door again.

At the same time, he pushed his knee between your legs, pressing his thigh against your core, making you groan against his lips.

Han broke the kiss, urging you to keep going as your hand moved slightly faster, squeezing him. “Just like that,” he groaned, pressing his forehead against yours.

“Keep doing that, baby.”

You hissed, pulling your hand free and ignoring the way Han whined as you did.

You pushed him back before lowering yourself to your knees, pulling his jeans down with you. Once you freed his cock from the confines of his boxers, Han let out a low groan as you wrapped your fingers around the base of his shaft.

You opened your mouth and let a drop of spit fall onto the tip before spreading it with your hand. “Fuck,” Han whined as your hand moved quickly, aided by your spit. “You sound so hot when you whine,” you said softly, looking up at him.

Han had to brace himself, both hands against the wall. “Don’t stop,” he croaked.

You returned your gaze to his hard cock in your hand before parting your lips and guiding the head into your mouth.

Han had to keep from thrusting into your face the moment he felt your tongue against the underside of his cock. It felt like it had been years since he’d felt it and fuck did he miss it.

He’d missed the way your head bobbed as you took more and more of his length in your mouth. “Fuck, you’re so good to me.”

The praise went straight to your chest but then down to your core. You knew by now you had soaked your underwear and you wouldn’t be surprised if you were dripping onto the wood floor.

You gagged as Han suddenly thrust into your mouth, pulling back to cough.

“Shit!” Han cursed, one hand moving to take your chin gently, forcing you to look up. “I’m so sorry,” he gasped. You shook your head.

“It just caught me off guard,” you replied, moving your hand to take his cock in your hand again. Han let out a hiss at the contact, head falling as he leaned against the arm supporting him against the wall.

“If you keep going like that, I’m gonna cum.”

You giggled, giving the tip of his cock a light lick, making him groan.

“That’s the idea.”

Han shook his head, suddenly grabbing you by the hair and tugging gently to ask you wordlessly to stand. You did as he asked and got to your feet. “What’re you-” you asked but Han cut you off, dragging you towards the bedroom, discarding his pants along the way.

Once inside your room, he marched you over to the bed and all but threw you onto it, quickly helping you out of the skirt and top you’d worn. Once your clothes were off, he rid himself of his shirt and underwear, climbing onto the bed and kneeling between your spread legs.

“Fuck,” he groaned.

“I missed you so much, angel,” he huffed as his hands moved up the tops of your thighs, thumbs moving under your panties and slowly sliding them down your legs before tossing them aside.

Once stripped bare, he pushed your knees further apart and looked down at your glistening sex. “I really just want to be inside you,” he groaned. “Would you be mad if I didn’t go down on you?” He asked, glancing back up to meet your gaze.

You wanted his cock inside you the moment he crossed the threshold but you wanted to be selfish for a moment. “Not terribly mad,” you started.

Han caught on quickly. “Say no more.”

He settled between your thighs, leaving wet kisses down the inside of your legs until his face was level with your glistening core. “I can’t believe I haven’t done this already,” he murmured, making you prop yourself up.

“Wait, you haven’t?” you asked. Han looked up to meet your gaze, shaking his head. “Last time we hooked up, I didn’t get the chance to go down on you.”

You opened your mouth to respond but let out a whine as Han dove in, tongue quickly finding your clit. You fell back to the bed, moaning as he teased the bud with light flicks before swirling around and dipping down to your entrance.

The sounds emanating from him were wet and lewd and enough to make your cheeks burn and toes curl at the same time. Your thighs tried to close on his head but Han held them open, surfacing briefly to tell you to keep your legs spread.

With each flick of his tongue, he brought you closer and closer to the edge, wrapping his lips around your clit and teasing with light sucks that had you keening and begging him for more.

Before you could cum, Han stopped for air and gave you a short reprieve to lift your head to see his lips and chin were covered in your essence. He licked his lips, giving you a cheeky smile before diving back in.

Three times he drew you close to the brink of orgasm only to stop. Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore and shamelessly begged him to stop teasing you.

“What’s that?” He asked as he wiped his chin and got up, leaning over to take your lips in a sear kiss, parting them and slipping his tongue into your mouth. His saliva mixed with the taste of your arousal hit your tongue and you whined.

“Please fuck me,” you whimpered. Han chuckled against your lips. “Fuck you?” He asked softly, peppering kisses against your lips and cheeks. “Oh baby girl,” he murmured between kisses. “I’m gonna do more than that,” he added.

“I’m gonna make you mine.”

“Condoms in the same place?” he asked, sitting up and locking eyes with you.

“There hasn’t been anyone but you,” you admitted, drawing your bottom lip between your teeth. Han studied you with a mix of admiration and awe. “I haven’t been with anyone else either,” he replied.

“Then don’t worry about it,” you answered. Han leaned over you, pressing his lips against yours as he took his cock in his hand, guiding the tip to your entrance. “If I hurt you, tell me,” he murmured as he slowly pushed into you, jaw dropping slightly as he glided in with relative ease.

You let out a moan as his cock stretched your cunt, accommodating the girth you’d clearly forgotten about. “Fuuuuck,” you heard him hiss as he bottomed out. “I forgot how good you feel,” he moaned.

You felt his hand grab behind your knee, hiking your leg up higher, allowing his cock to slip deeper inside your walls with a gasp from you and a growl from him. “I swear it’s like you were made to take my cock,” he groaned.

“Please move,” you whined. “Please Han.”

He chuckled breathlessly. “Say my name and I will,” he joked.

“Jisung,” you gasped. “Please fuck me.”

The first sharp thrust took you by surprise. The ones that follow had your back arching off the sheets. Each thrust was angled and just sharp enough for the head of his cock to hit the soft gummy spot inside your walls that had you gasping and groaning as he increased speed.

“Last time I had you from behind,” he groaned, shifting his weight as he moved one hand up to cup your cheek. “This time I get to see your face.”

“Keep saying shit like that and I just might fall in love,” you said with an amused tone. Han slowed his pace to roll his hips, watching your face contorted in pleasure with each slow, deep thrust. “You like that?” He asked, his voice soft as you nodded.

“Tell me you like it.”

“Han-”

“That’s not my name, sweetheart.”

“Jisung,” you moaned, loudly, gripping the sheets tightly in one hand as the other moved to grab the pillow under your head.

“Come on. Tell me you like it,” he cooed. “Yes,” you gasped as he gave you a particularly hard thrust. “Say it.” His demand was punctuated by another sharp thrust. “I like it!” You gasped. “I like it when you do that.”

Han chuckled lightly, still moving his hips in a slow, deep roll. “Like it when I do what?” He asked, pressing a couple chaste kisses to your cheek. “You like it when I fuck you like this?” You nodded. “Yes!”

“You like it when I fuck you nice and slow?”

“Mhm! Yes!”

“You like it when I make love to you?”

“Yes, Jisung. I love it!”

At your admission, Han let out a low growl, resuming the same pace as before, his hips hitting against your thighs as he pounded into you.

The hand that had been on your cheek moved up to join your hand near the pillow, pulling the material free from your grip and instead lacing his fingers with yours. The action was so intimate and gentle but it still sent you straight over the edge, thighs squeezing around his waist as you came with a whimper.

Han’s pace didn’t slow, if anything, he sped up, chasing his own high as he buried his face in your neck. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he groaned as you felt his cock twitch inside you. “I’m gonna cum.”

You nodded, your second orgasm starting to build. “Just a little more,” you encouraged him. “I’m close again.”

You felt his teeth sink into your skin and you let out a cry, walls clenching around him and sending him over the edge. He came with a groan, releasing inside your cunt as he rode out his high and pushed you to a second orgasm.

As his hips slowed to a stop, Han collapsed on top of you with a huff, fingers still laced with yours. His free hand moved to your thigh, tucking under your knee and rolled over, pulling you with him onto your side. His cock somehow managed to stay buried inside you.

“We should probably get cleaned up,” you muttered but Han shushed you. “Just let me stay like this a little while longer,” he begged. You ran your fingers through his sweaty hair and hummed in response.

The two of you lay there for a while longer until you felt his cock slip out of you and a sudden gush of warm sticky fluid. “I’m leaking,” you mused, making him snort. Han lifted his head and let it fall with a sigh.

“You know,” he said hoarsely. “This wasn’t my intention.”

You opened your eyes to meet his pretty brown ones. “It wasn’t my intention to come in here and sleep with you. I just wanted to take you on a date and show you a good time,” he whined, making you laugh. “God you probably think I’m some sex crazed maniac. Can’t even keep my hands to myself for a night.”

You laughed loudly at that. “I don’t think you’re a sex crazed maniac, Jisung,” you replied, taking his face in your hands and kissing the tip of his nose. “You aren’t a horrible person. We had sex, no big deal. It’s not like you forced me or something. I wanted it.”

Han shook his head. “No, I know. I just wanted to show you that I was serious when I said I wanted to date you. I don’t just want you for sex. I want you for more than that.”

You offered him a warm smile. "It's okay, Ji," you replied. "You aren't some kind of monster for wanting to have sex with your girlfriend."

"I know but I still want to- wait," he responded, pausing to process your words. "Girlfriend?" His expression shifted from confusion to excitement as it dawned on him. "My girlfriend?!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. "Yes," you replied, nodding. "Truthfully? I was yours the moment you walked through my door the first time."

Han pulled you flush against him, peppering kisses all over your face, making you giggle and squeal with delight. "Han!" You shrieked, trying to squirm away from his relentless kisses.

"That's not my name~!" he reminded you as his kisses traveled down your neck. "Jisung!" You hissed, feeling heat pool in your belly as his lips moved against the skin of your throat.

"That's better," he murmured, pushing you flat on your back and hovering over you. "I like it when you say my name," he muttered as he kissed back up to your cheek, lips brushing against your ear.

"I wanna hear you say only that name from now on."

You let out a moan as he grinded his half hard cock against you.

"Again?" you asked.

He gave you a cheeky grin. "We’ve been over this baby,” he answered. “I may not last long each round," he added simply.

"But I can go multiple rounds."

“I'll keep that-" you moaned loudly as his lips trailed down your chest, kissing down the valley of your breast and continued past your navel. He stopped briefly to glance up at you from between your thighs, wrapping his arms around them to keep your legs open.

"I know I already went down on you earlier but once I get a taste, I want more," he said with a devilish grin. "I’m not complaining," you replied with a nod, chest rising and falling with each labored breath. You combed your fingers through his hair softly. "Don't hold back either."

His grin widened before he let out a soft but devious chuckle.

"Oh, baby," he groaned, glancing down at your waiting cunt and licking his lips as if it was the most delicious thing he'd ever seen.

"I don't plan to."

[elleloquently]

invisible string [4] : ellie williams

part three

| college!ellie x female!reader - thank you guys so much for patiently (and excitedly) waiting for this update! school is absolutely so busy it's sickening, so it's hard to write as often as i want, but i really want to aim for at least one update per week! writing this chapter was so much fun so please let me know what you think... as always thank you for your love, requests are open, and reblogs and comments are always loved and appreciated! love ya <3 (p.s shout out to a creepy owner irl who inspired part of this fic)

| c/w - anxious reader, swearing, mention of weed, alcohol, men!

studying was very dull compared to texting a pretty girl.

ellie entered your life in a whirlwind, notes filling up your once empty walls and endless texts and pictures cluttering up your phone.

the texts came in slowly at first, maybe a few short conversations every other day, mostly complaining about how much homework the professor of your shared class was packing in before finals week hit. then entered stupid memes, random pictures... and suddenly you were staying up until 3am learning about each other, despite your 8am class.

it had only been a few days, and you knew that you were getting too attached.

it was a feeling that made your stomach sink, the realization of how much your mood improved with a simple text. you were happiest in class, sitting next to ellie, even when your hand cramped from filling out pages of study guides.

sighing, you turned your music up louder and crashed back onto your bed, cushioned by a multitude of throw pillows and blankets. you weren't getting much studying done anyway.

the song grew quiet as your phone chimed, music to your ears.

Zero progress.

attached was a photo of the study guide, the amount of completed questions matching those of your own packet.

you quickly typed out a response to ellie, short and to the point.

literally sickening

it was only a few seconds before she replied:

There goes my weekend!

you replied in agreement before forcing yourself back up to glance over your textbook. you've been lingering on the same chapter for over an hour. if you were truly honest with yourself, you probably only read about two paragraphs... you were distracted.

you hardly had time to even daydream due to how busy you were, but it's not like it mattered. you gaze lingered to the collaboration of drawings made by yourself and ellie, still sticking to the wall. your phone sounded once again, pulling you out of a sleepy daze. figuring it was ellie again, you closed your textbook in an act of resignment.

the smile that appeared once you heard the text notification slowly faded upon closer inspection.

it wasn't ellie. it was a friend, one you admittedly haven't spoken to much as of recent. you hadn't really meant to ghost her, but your schedules didn't really align much. this time of year you were so busy with assignments and work, and she was busy with... well, literally anything else.

her message consisted of only two words, call me. it was short and vague so you immediately obliged, worry taking over your senses.

she answered on the second ring, speaking before you had even opened your mouth.

"please tell me you don't have plans tonight," she urged.

you wince, already preparing an excuse. "i'm studying..." you start. it wasn't a complete lie, you really had been making an effort.

her disappointment is obvious by the way she sighs your name into the phone speaker. "i've barely seen you all semester," she argues.

you start to chip your nail polish on your free hand, holding your phone to your ear with the other one. "what's up?" you ask.

"come out with me tonight? please. you've hardly come out this semester and let's be real, once finals start there's no chance i'll be able to convince you to come out," your friend pleads. her desperation is heavy and you rub at your eyes.

you want to immediately tell her no, but you really hadn't seen her in awhile yet the other day you skipped class for a chance to hangout with someone you hardly even knew. granted, it was ellie, but still.

a pit of guilt planted itself in your stomach, forcing your next words.

"what time?"

yelping in excitment, the girl on the other end of the line gushes out all of the information to you. "i'll pick you up around eleven, okay?"

a rushed end to a quick call, with promises to text more and texting outfit options for the night.

you were nervous about the change of pace. it caused you a strange feeling of obligation, to get out of your bubble and do something different every once in awhile. during college, people were promised four years of finding their forever friends and partying, making the memories that will last their entire lifetime.

you tried to partake, but it felt forced.

with a demanding major and even more demanding coursework, it was hard to maintain friendships by finding the time to actually go out. any spare time you had was replaced with shifts at work.

you felt like you were doing college… wrong.

your music resumed, the volume increasing to drown out any anxious thoughts that would prompt you to cancel last minute.

with no new texts from ellie, you decided to give your study guide one last try.

─ ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ─

by the time you were supposed to get picked up, you were already yawning. you had dedicated the last hour to getting ready and picking an outfit that was deemed cute enough to make you feel good but still comfortable enough that you felt secure.

though it felt like a sleepy time of year, students were nearly restless. the pressures of exams were relieved on weekends, places around the college town open all night for people to blow off steam.

it happened quickly so you didn't have a moment to reconsider or backtrack, a text of 'here!' and shoving your feet into shoes before dashing to meet your friend in the parking lot.

the car ride was a catch up session, your friend talking about her new friends but you made a quick decision not to tell her about ellie. you weren't exactly sure why, but it was almost like you wanted to keep ellie to yourself. you checked your phone mindlessly and couldn't help but feel let down when nothing new presented on your screen.

the streets were alive and busy, girls huddled together to stay warm despite the lack of coats. the outside was an indication of how busy each bar and club would be, warm with heat and bodies packed inside.

you arrived at your friend's favorite establishment, the environment a stark difference from the comfortable evening you were having in your dorm just a few short hours ago. you pressed your way through a thick crowd, hanging loosely onto the arm of your friend so you wouldn't split up.

drinks were overpriced but you ordered one anyway, something to hold onto but you knew you would probably only finish a little more than half of it if you were dedicated enough.

"i'm gonna meet up with some people, my friends and their friends," your friend explained over the music, quickly resulting in your growing concern.

you wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, you always did, but other people getting involved meant you would be inevitably ditched within the hour. the look on your face gave away your feeling and the girl standing opposite of you had a short patience.

"i wish you would've told me," you tried to reason, not wanting to look or sound pathetic.

"it doesn't matter," she shook her head. "they're nice, it'll be fun."

fun.

'fun' ended up being the act of standing awkwardly in the back because they wouldn't make enough room for you in the circle. 'fun' apparently was listening to them tell the same story over and over, yet talk over you every time you tried to speak too.

forced to be a wallflower, you stood with your back against the wall as you observed other people dancing. you could almost be content like this... the music was loud and the lighting was dark. the combination seemed like it would be an anxiety nightmare, but it was actually the opposite. you could stand there, completely unnoticed, hidden by the atmosphere.

you really could've been okay with it, until your eyes were drawn to your friend pointing at you. you stood up straight, thinking she was beckoning over, until you realized exactly what she was doing. she had been dancing with a guy that night, and that guy seemingly had a friend. she was pointing you out to the friend, pushing him to join you. he started walking in your direction and your stomach filled with dread. you didn't want to be in this situation, and you certainly didn't want to make small talk with some guy.

you tried to look busy, quickly pulling out your phone and looking anywhere else. against your silent praying, the guy stood over you.

"hey," he said, leaning too close to your ear and you ducked your head away. he smelled like alcohol and cologne that was sprayed too many times. you tried a polite smile but it came out like a wince.

"can i buy you a drink?"

you answered his question by holding up your cup, hand tightly covering the opening of the top. you had only taken a few sips of it, not able to stand the taste.

"how many?" he pressed, pointing to your cup.

"what?" your face scrunched in confusion.

"how many drinks have you had?" he clarified with a laugh that you didn't return.

"one. this is my first," you informed him flatly.

he made a face like he was pretending to be let down and your stomach turned. "only one? come on girl, you need more than that."

you outwardly groaned, rolling your eyes as you pushed yourself off of the wall. "i'm going to the bathroom. bye."

"want me to hold your drink?" he called after you, agitated and loud.

you ignored him and stepped carefully through the crowd, not wanting to stand too closely to any men or accidently bump any dancing girls. you were hyper focused on the restroom sign and the way the music pounded in your ears, muttering to yourself when you felt a hand wrap around your arm.

you immediately tensed, your blood running cold but your body feeling hot simultaneously. was this guy seriously grabbing you right now?

short tempered and fuming, you loudly spat "fuck off," as you angrily whipped around, only to be met with horrified green eyes, freckles, and auburn hair.

letting go as quickly as she had reached for you, ellie dropped her hand. "shit, sorry, i-"

you quickly cut her off, apologizing profusely.

"ellie, oh my god, i am so sorry," you stressed, heart sinking when she took a step away from you.

"sorry, i really shouldn't have done that," ellie mumbled, wincing. you nearly didn't hear her, the music was too loud.

she had on a loose flannel, unbuttoned down the middle and her converse. you were sure that her horrified expression matched your own, and you wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor.

"i'm so sorry," you repeated. "i thought you were someone else and-"

"i'm sorry, i called your name but-"

you kept talking over each other, rushing awkward apologies. ellie shifted on her feet, her cheeks red.

"sorry," you mentioned again, defeated. "there was this guy, and..."

"a guy," ellie repeated quietly, her expression unreadable.

"yeah," you pushed on, glancing over ellie's shoulder. he was watching you now, remaining where you left him. gross. "i was trying to get away from him and i didn't hear you, i had no idea, i'm so sorry ellie."

she laughed dryly as she recovered but your face still stung with embarrassment. "it's alright," ellie reassured you, turning her head to briefly spot the guy you had glanced at. "are you here with him?" she asked curiously.

you quickly shook your head, rolling your eyes to express your disgust. "no," you emphasized. "i'm here with my friend but... i don't know," you laughed bitterly, finally taking a moment to let it sink in that you had ran into ellie here.

"i don't know why i'm here," you felt the need to say.

ellie nodded with a short laugh. "tell me about it."

you raised an eyebrow but didn't press it, still feeling like you needed to collect yourself. you could stand and talk with ellie forever, but you seriously needed to regroup.

"hey, um, i'm gonna run to the bathroom," you explained.

"come find me when you're done?" ellie offered, green eyes scanning your face. she pointed to an area by the bar, showing you where you could find her.

your nerves didn't stand a chance, overpowered by the overwhelming desire to be close to her. you nodded, your smile genuine for the first time that night.

before you could return on your path to the bathroom, ellie spoke again. "do you want me to hold onto that for you?" she offered, gesturing to the drink in your hand.

"oh, yeah, thanks ellie." you passed it over and she covered the top with her hand automatically, a simple thing that made your heart swell.

"i'll be there, alright?" she guaranteed, her eyes never leaving yours. you nodded once and parted ways, quickly heading to the bathroom.

you dashed for an empty sink, running cold water over your hands as you stared at your reflection. you couldn't figure out why, but you felt weird about running into ellie here. you suddenly wondered who she was here with, or was she here alone?

pushing out a deep breath, you turned off the water and dried them with a paper towel. you felt dizzy, like you were in a state in between sleeping and being awake.

"this," you mumbled to your reflection, "this is why you don't go out."

once you had worked up the courage, you emerged from the bathroom and scanned your surroundings. the girl you came with was dancing with the guys and her friends. feeling secure in the fact that you wouldn't be missed, you went to look for ellie but you didn't have to search for long.

ellie was exactly where she had said she would be, leaning against the bar with her hand protectively covering your drink. she seemed to be keeping an eye out for you because when your eyes locked, she waved you over.

you didn't bother to try and contain your grin as you made your way over, but your confidence was short lived when a pretty girl with dark hair leaned over, talking in ellie's ear.

oh.

whatever the girl said had made ellie laugh, and you faltered in your step. of course she was here with someone. of course she had other friends, (a girlfriend?) other people that she actively talked to and hung out with. you would've been stupid for thinking otherwise, you just hadn't thought about it much.

you didn't want to interrupt, but ellie caught your eye again. she raised her eyebrows, curiously, waiting. taking a deep breath, you pressed on, slowly coming to her side.

ellie handed your cup over and you accepted, taking a drink for courage.

"welcome back," ellie mused, a small smile gracing her lips.

you glanced at the girl standing on the other side of ellie, the liquid in her cup a vibrant color. ellie followed your eyes and made a face of realization, pulling the girl into the conversation.

almost sounding sheepish, she introduced her. "this is my friend dina, and... jesse," ellie craned her neck around but 'jesse' was elsewhere. you nodded anyway, smiling in dina's direction.

"hi, it's nice to meet you," you said, genuinely, despite your heart pounding in your chest.

"likewise! i've heard so much about you," dina replied, eyes bright and smiling.

ellie's eyes widened and your eyebrows shot up, taken aback by dina's introduction. you glanced at ellie but she was already composed.

"really?" you asked, truly surprised.

dina laughed and changed the subject. "jesse complains about coming but yet it's impossible to keep an eye on him," she expresses in response. "it was so nice meeting you," dina smiles at you once more and quickly squeezes ellie's shoulder before disappearing, presumably to find 'jesse.'

you take another drink and ellie clears her throat, music filling the silence. "where's your friend?" ellie questions.

you hum thoughtfully and scan the faces of all of the dancing people until your eyes land on her group. "there," you nod in their direction, trying not to sound bitter.

"are they all your friends? do you want me to go meet them?" ellie asks, watching them for a moment before gazing at you, eyes flickering over your face.

"no," you reply quickly, flatly.

"okay then," ellie laughs, tilting her head to peer at your expression. she brushes a strand of hair out of her face and it's hard not to watch, to not be entranced by every slight movement and expression she makes.

once again, you're thankful for the lighting, or lack thereof, and for the music. for some reason it feels like less pressure, which you appreciate.

"oh god," ellie mumbles, drawing your attention. she wraps her tattooed arm around your waist, gently pulling you closer to her side. your breath hitches and you tense up, but her arm is then back by her side, the ghost of her touch electrocuting your senses. "watch out," she says, nodding to an older man making his way to the bar.

your eyebrows draw together in confusion as ellie watches the man in disgust, but you're more focused on the fact that her arm was just around you for about three seconds.

you take a slow drink, watching as the man leans down to talk to several girls crowded around the bar. it seems nearly harmless though a little odd, he's definitely the oldest person in the room as everyone else is college aged. you turn to ellie, confused, but she nudges your arm to keep watching.

he puts his arms around the girls, his hands going way too low, signaling the bartender to give them drinks with a flick of his hand.

you face ellie, eyes wide and mouth agape. she nods in disgust, but slightly amused at your expression.

"he's the owner," she explains. "he's so gross... people flirt with him because if he likes you, you're set with free drinks. he's just... gross."

"why are you here?" you question, frowning.

"dina likes to dance," ellie says simply.

"and you?"

"no," ellie laughs quickly.

"i definitely wasn't expecting to run into you here," you admit, running your finger along the rim of your plastic cup.

"yeah? i wasn't expecting you either." ellie watches you carefully, thoughtful in expression but casual in demeanor.

"excuse me ladies," a gruff voice cuts through. you snap your head up and meet the eyes of the owner, chewing your bottom lip nervously as his eyes drag across you and ellie. he contemplates ellie for a moment before setting his gaze on you, frowning.

"aren't you warm in that, sweetheart?" he slurs out, indicating to the sweater you're wearing. ellie places a gentle hand on your shoulder, making a face at the man from over your shoulder.

"i'm just fine," you remark.

he doesn't like your answer, but you didn't say anything rude so he can't lecture you. he stares at you, unmoving, and decides to give you one last chance.

"what're you drinking there?" he questions, shuffling closer to get a better look. he makes like he's expecting you to bat your eyelashes at him, and ellie tugs you backwards into her.

"let's go dance," she murmurs into your ear. your face gets hot and her hands are on your shoulders, walking behind you and guiding you away from the bar. you leave your drink on the counter, unwanted.

once you're far enough away, she gently halts you to a stop. your skin is burning from the contact and you turn to face her, trying to be lighthearted. "i thought you don't like to dance?"

the corners of her mouth turn up and you give in, absolutely folding in her presence. you leave about a foot of space in between your bodies, but loosely and awkwardly wrap your arms around her shoulders. it makes ellie nervously laugh, and she hesitates before carefully placing her hands at your waist. it's your turn to laugh now, fully aware of how ridiculous you must look. you obnoxiously sway to the side, putting your weight onto one foot and then the other, threatening to make each other fall over with the abrupt movements. it's a stark contrast to the way everyone else is moving to the music, but you're both genuinely laughing so you leave it be.

you can see your previous group in the corner of your eye and nerves wash over you again, feeling shy at ellie's playful touch. suddenly you feel guilty for harboring a secret crush on the girl, feeling as if you've crossed some sort of boundary. you steady yourself but it's hard to breathe with ellie so close, staring at your eyes and your lips and your eyes again... or did you imagine it? obviously not, but certainly you're reading into it? making something out of nothing?

ellie coughs, flustered. you both stop 'dancing,' dropping your arms and facing each other straight on.

"hey," you say, your face scrunching in confusion, "i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."

your comment makes ellie recover and she breathes out a laugh in surprise, even though you were being serious.

"i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."

you frown and ellie rolls her eyes, shaking her head at you in pretend disappointment. "work on it with me tomorrow then," she tells you, nearly surprising herself with how quickly it came out.

her voice is like honey, making it impossible to pull away from her, even mentally.

"really?" you eye her suspiciously.

she nods and shrugs, and you promise to think it over. standing this close to ellie felt dangerous to the small amount of confidence you tried to build up. she smelled almost earthy, a warm deep scent, maybe a touch of vanilla and... weed?

a hand brushed your waist but it wasn't ellie's, the body stepping into view. the guy from earlier that your friend had sent over came around to stand next to ellie, his eyelids heavy.

"what the fuck, dude?" ellie questioned sharply.

"i was watching you dance," he mused, glancing at you and then ellie. it was hardly even dancing, you were just making each other laugh, so your skin crawled with the idea of that guy watching with ill intent.

"okay, go watch someone else," ellie shot back, her tongue sharp.

you glanced around, catching sight of your friend from earlier. she was watching the interaction, as if it were encouraged, and gave you a thumbs up. you exhaled in disbelief, turning your attention back to ellie. she was staring the guy down, brows furrowed.

"you ladies wanna dance with me or what?" he was cocky, drunk, and standing way too close.

"fuck off," ellie spat, a lot like how you did earlier when you thought that he was the one who grabbed your arm.

he stood in disbelief, unmoving, so you grabbed ellie's hand and dragged her away.

"they should be banned from public places," you grumble. ellie snorts, features immediately softening as she turns to you.

"this is ridiculous. do you wanna get out of here?"

at her proposition, your heart leaps. you definitely do, but the idea terrifies you nonetheless. despite yourself, you automatically nod.

"let me go find dina and jesse, see if they're gonna leave or stick around longer. wanna come with?"

you almost say yes but shake your head instead. "i should go tell the person i came with that i'm leaving, just in case."

ellie nods in understanding. she starts to turn away but stops short, eyes boring into your own. "meet me right by the entrance, okay? i'll be quick."

it's your turn to signal your understanding now, and you head back through the crowd to find your... friend. it's pretty easy to spot her but not to gain her attention.

"hey. hey, i'm gonna go, alright?"

she whips around at you, confused. "you're leaving?"

"yeah."

"are you gonna be safe?"

despite being ignored and ambushed with a creepy guy, you smile at her concern. it's the bare minimum, really, but it's appreciated.

"yeah," you repeat. "it's... a friend from class. she's good. safe," you express.

you say your goodbyes and head straight for the doors like you agreed with ellie. you’re only waiting alone for a moment before she joins you, car keys in hand. dina and jesse aren’t following, and instantly you feel like an idiot.

“oh my god, ellie, i totally sabotaged your night.”

“what? no you didn’t,” ellie disagrees.

you push through the doors together, greeted by harsh winds. the cold evening air was shocking as it hit your face, self doubt washing over you.

"you were just trying to have a fun night with your friends and i... i'm such an idiot," you mutter.

"whoa, hey, you're alright," ellie presses softly. she stops walking to look at you, but looks as though she has to work up the courage before she continues speaking. "i'm glad you here were, alright? dina and jesse are fine."

your face is burning and she hesitates again, but the worry expressed on your face causes ellie to continue on.

"honestly i was getting ready to leave before i saw you," she admits, looking in any direction away from you.

you beg and plead with yourself not to read into it, but why did she hesitate? why would you be nervous to tell that to someone who's just a friend? are you reading too much into it, or are you friendzoning yourself?

"ellie," you breathe, and she finally brings her attention back to you. the wind howls through the night, whipping your hair across your cheeks. your heart beats quicker but ellie grows reserved, adjusting her weight on her feet.

"i'll drive you to your dorm," she tells you as she beings walking once more. you quickly follow behind, in a trance of wondering and wanting.

it felt different from before, different from sitting next to her in class and different from studying together. what was usually light hearted jokes and easy conversation was replaced by a thick cloud of nerves, a tension that conjured itself out of nowhere and you desperately wanted to crack a joke but you felt shy.

you were texting a lot lately, you had some serious late night conversations about your families, stressors, lives, anything to get to know each other but this was different. ellie seemed almost solemn now, guarded, and you were worried that you had gotten too comfortable too quickly.

you worried as you walked to the car and you worried as she drove. ellie did exactly as she said she would and you arrived safely to your building, but your feet were glued to the ground as you reached the door and you desperately wanted to selfishly stay with her, just a little longer.

"thanks for pretty much saving me tonight," you stated earnestly. "it sucked before you found me, i'm glad you did."

ellie's smile was crooked and sincere and a wave of relief washed over you. "see you tomorrow?" she asked, her eyebrows drawing up to her forehead.

"the study guide will be completed," you affirm, grinning back at the auburn haired girl.

you heave open the door to your building and ellie steps back to the car, but you call after her one final time. "text me when you're home safe," you urge her, and you can't see the smile that graces her face.

"i will," ellie promises, and she did.

after cleaning up you fall into bed, exhausted, but your mind is racing. you turn to your side, facing the wall that is decorated with two sticky notes. you lightly trace ellie's drawings with your finger, willing yourself to go to sleep so you won't be absolutely miserable with a lack of sleep by the morning.

you were seeing her again, tomorrow, and nothing else at that moment mattered.

not your endless piles of homework, or the way you were ditched tonight. not the fact that the weather was getting colder by the day and you still couldn't find your earmuffs, or that one of your finals was going to take place at 7am.

nothing else mattered... just ellie.

[ part five ]

[frenchie-fallen-angel]

Infrared theory

(Idk if someone already noticed this, and I'm sorry if that's the case)

That's going to be a pretty long post, sorry about that.

Since the pilot drop, something in the color grading of the "gray world"'s scenes was troubling me. I couldn't really put my finger on it but something in how the light and the shadows were reacting to the movement felt wrong.

I did go to film school, but I specialized in video editing and 2D animation. So my first instinct was to think (wrongly) that it was du to post-production. I thought it was a weird choice they probably made in the color grading before removing the color (vibrancy/saturation) from the rush that create this weird rendering.

Firstly, this isn't bad, it's just, for someone like me (but probably everyone I guess) the images felt like something wasn't right but it's just a feeling because you can't actually explain what feels wrong with it. I don't know if I'm been clear right now, my apologizes.

I just saw the BTS picture Jeff posted, and it brought even more questions to me. Like their clothes IRL are as dark as Jeff's hair but in the video Jeff's hair are still black while their clothes partly went white.

At first, I thought they could have use rotoscoping on his hair but that would have needed a lot of time and the rendering would have probably had artefacts. I showed it to my boyfriend who works in cinema post-production (compositing) and for him it's clearly not rotoscoping. (please, the poor soul listens to all my HES ranting those past weeks, he's very patient with me 😭)

He asked me if I knew the camera they used which I clearly don't. But that made me think about something we saw in film school.

I'm not sure I remember correctly so feel free to correct me if I'm spilling bullshit right now. If you use a infrared light camera, to film in the dark, you can differentiate a natural dark head person and someone who colored their hair. A natural dark head person will be seen with dark hair on infrared but someone who used bleach at some point on their hair will look blond even if they colored it back to black after the bleach. Infrared light cameras perceive light we don't and react to texture differently.

So, I think they used a infrared light camera to film the gray world parts. The part of the guards' clothes that came out black look very matte in the BTS picture like faux leather while the white part seems like a cotton base fabric, that could have been bleach before been dye in black.

Like I said earlier, infrared are wavelengths of color that can't be perceive by human eyes. Those cameras reveal what's invisible for us.

So... if I may try to theorise this again. (All the theories I made recently were all wrong so don't take this seriously I guess) Humans like Anawin can't see the gray world, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I don't really know what to make out of this information but Damon could clearly come from a world where the colors aren't the same as in ours, which would also explain his appeal to painting and colorful stuff ( like the bright yellow bouquet). It could also explain the "Damon is partly or fully blind" theory, because his eyes aren't made to see the wavelengths of color we have in our world, like we would be completely blind in an infrared world. Or, maybe, he has been blind all his life in the gray world but not in our world, which made him fall in love with the colors of our world, and the infrared is here to highlight this.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Hypermobility

Okay wait I have a prompt!!! If you wanna So I've been reading a lot of fics recently that are in space aus, with the whole humans are deathworlders concept (idk how this is common across my fandoms but it is so I'm binging them lol). And I had an idea based on recent irl events. – anon (long ask, cut for brevity)

inspired by my lovely @ghostofasecretary who has trained all of our friend group to look for hypermobility on account of our schlorpy joints :)

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none

Pairings: loosely implied analogical i guess, but as with most of my shit can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count; 1809

Remus glances up to see Virgil staring at Logan like his abdomen has spontaneously ruptured. He sees Roman out of the corner of his eye do the same. Virgil swallows heavily. "L," he says slowly, "what the fuck is wrong with your arms?" "Nothing is wrong with my arms, what are you talking about?" "Elbows don't bend like that!" Ah. So there was something wrong. Remus was right. Take that, human etiquette manual. Wait, shit, something's wrong with Logan.

Roman clicks at Remus as he comes onto the lab floor. Remus clicks back as he logs onto his station, sighing as he looks at the absolute mess someone's fucking made of the logs—seriously, it's only been one quarter cycle, how are they this fucked up already?—and Roman immediately leans over to see what he's sighing at.

"Wait, what's that?"

"Some xetron made an absolute fucking disaster out of the hadron logs."

Roman winces in sympathy and his carapace shifts. "Are you gonna do yours before you clean that up, or—?"

The last part of his question gest interrupted when Logan comes onto the floor, waving a brief hello with his fingers instead of his antenna—because humans don't have antennae, which was a pretty sharp learning curve for both of them when they'd been so confused as to why this human was refusing to talk to them or even show his feelings, they'd had a few apologetic shifts before Logan realized what was going on and explained everything—and raising an eyebrow when he noticed them clustered around Remus's station.

"Is there something wrong?"

"The shift before us messed up their hadron logs."

Logan rolls his eyes. "You'd think that for life forms insistent that their gravitational curves made them more naturally prepared for graviton scans, they'd have a better sense of how to record them properly."

"You're spellcasting on the acolytes, Logan."

Logan frowns, glancing at his tablet, before the equivalent phrase pings on the screen and he hums. "Ah, I see. Yes, well, if you'd like my help at any point, I only have the routine gamma sweeps to do this shift, so I should be amenable."

"Oh, I can do it, it's just a pain in my thorax."

Roman chuckles and heads back to his own station, probably to sneakily-not-so-sneakily ask some of the others on the shift who are fucking competent what the fuck happened. Remus gets himself ready to dive into the long and tedious work of redoing the spin increments and calculating the proper uncertainties for the right variables—honestly, do they even look at the readouts? It has the layout right there! And it's not like the other logs are invisible! Just look at the rows two microns above the empty one you're supposed to be filling out!—and manages to sink into a rhythm for the first half of the shift. Granted, he's absolutely muttering about how stupid it is that they aren't even calculating the basic momentum, let alone the angular velocity to account for the other celestial bodies in the middle of the waveforms, but it's fine, and Roman keeps up his running commentary of the molecular analysis machine that takes its sweet-ass time to do even the most basic of scans, and every so often he'll hear a small huff from Logan as he corrects their probe's trajectory, but for the most part, the lab is a quiet and serene place to be.

God, he can't wait until he gets rotated back to the engineering department full-time.

Like, yeah, he likes spending time with his brother, and the human's cool—he's really funny when he lets himself be, like his wit is drying than the mountain deserts on Cre-Ativa, and his facial expressions are fucking plat when their superiors are being xetrons, but there's only so much he can take of this quiet where not much happens. And he has to deal with the idiots who don't know how to format hadron logs correctly. This is the third time he's had to correct a typo that's rendered the rest of the calculations useless.

"I'm honestly about to recommend them for a review of the training course, that's how fucking serious this is."

"Maybe there's something wrong with how the keyboard is adapted for their limbs?"

"That would explain some of the typos, not all of them. And it definitely wouldn't explain why there's a massive formatting change about halfway through."

"Perhaps there's a shorthand they're using for some of the notes that we don't know about, and they're forgetting to correct them at the end of their shift."

"Yeah, but then they should tell us that, instead of—" Roman trails off and Remus looks up.

Logan is…stretching, yes, that's the right word. His limbs are extended over his head and his back is arched, but his upper limbs are…bending. Not like the way they normally bend, they're bending…too much? Not enough? The wrong way? Yeah, that's it. The wrong way.

Logan notices they've gone quiet and looks over. "Is there something wrong?"

"You're, uh," Remus stammers, "are you—okay?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine, what is it?"

"Nothing, nothing."

He and Roman exchange a look—the first rule in the human etiquette training manual was if they get weird, just roll with it for a reason—and get back to minding their own business. Admittedly, some of the errors do make more sense now that he's looking at it like it's some kind of shorthand he doesn't know yet, but that wouldn't explain why some of these variables are straight-up wrong and why they wouldn't bother to tell him what the shorthand is so that he's not trying to do the work of two shifts in the time of one.

Something he does appreciate is that the way the shifts in the lab are set up, opposed to engineering, is that sometimes there will be people whose shifts halfway overlap with theirs. So there's always at least one set of people that are staying in the lab while a changeover is happening and then there's not that risk that the equipment will be left unattended. Apparently they learned that lesson the hard way when the molecular exhibitor decided to go into overload in the five minutes where there wasn't anyone logged in, and nearly destroyed the matter wave projector on the station next to it. The justification was in the name of safety, but really everyone knows it's just so the higher-ups know exactly who to blame when shit goes awry.

Whatever the case may be, the door slides open to reveal the other human down here, Virgil, yawning as he makes his way over to his station.

"Hello, hello, everyone."

"Hi, Virgil!"

Virgil winces. "You are way too chipper this early in the morning."

"It's past the circadian half cycle, Virgil."

"Yeah, and?"

"I'm afraid you're going to have to acclimate to your schedule on your own time," Logan says, stretching again, "even though I'm sure your caffeine tolerance has—what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Remus glances up to see Virgil staring at Logan like his abdomen has spontaneously ruptured. He sees Roman out of the corner of his eye do the same. Virgil swallows heavily.

"L," he says slowly, "what the fuck is wrong with your arms?"

"Nothing is wrong with my arms, what are you talking about?"

"Elbows don't bend like that!"

Ah. So there was something wrong. Remus was right. Take that, human etiquette manual.

Wait, shit, something's wrong with Logan.

"Logan? Do we need to take you to medbay?" Roman's already rushing out from behind his station. "There's a pack in the corner, I can—"

"Oh, for—relax, all of you, I'm fine."

"Uh-huh, yeah, fine, that's what I'd describe elbows that bend all schlorpy as, yeah," Virgil says, "what the—does that not hurt?"

"What? No, it doesn't hurt, look, your joints—"

"My joints suck ass but at least they're fucking bending the amount they're supposed to!"

Remus isn't quite sure how human joints are capable of such a surprising and invasive act, but never let it be said he's not curious. "Your joints are capable of performing anal suction?"

"What the fuck? No! It's a turn of phrase!"

"Oh. Disappointing."

"Ignore him," Roman says, "Logan, are you sure you're—"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, I'm just—oh," he mumbles, prodding at his tablet, "what's the word for this in Common?"

"There's no word for schlorpy elbows, Logan—"

"Yes, there is!" He pokes around for a few more seconds before he lets out a noise of triumph and says something that the translators don't translate.

"It's what?" Virgil just shakes his head when Logan tries again. "I don't know what that means, bud."

Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, let me try it this way. What's it called when you are in a state of heightened energy and it leads to outbursts of things like running around, or talking too loudly, or being high-strung?"

"Remus," Roman offers helpfully.

"No, Roman."

"Are you talking about being excitable?"

"No, there's a specific word for it. It also serves as a prefix for being too much of something, or an overabundance of something."

"Too much—do you mean the word hyper?"

"Yes! Yes, that's it. And then what's the name of the thing that some people hang over cribs that have little stars or animals?"

Virgil stares at Logan for another moment. "You mean a baby mobile?"

"Yes, but only the second word."

"Mobile?"

"Yes, that's it. Then put the two words together—"

"There were probably so many other ways you could've said you were hypermobile, L, I'm just gonna put that out there—"

"Well, it got you to guess it, didn't it?"

"It's too fucking early for this shit."

"Again, it is afternoon—"

"Shut up."

Roman looks back and forth between the two humans, still twitching as though he's going to be asked to sprint for the medbay at a moment's notice. "So…is Logan…are you alright?"

"Yes, for the fourth time, I'm fine. Virgil's just a little excitable, that's all."

"You try being normal when joints are doing unexpected things," Virgil mumbles, more to his caf than anything else, but he reaches behind himself to pat Roman's carapace. "He's fine, his body just does that."

"But you said it bends the wrong way, how is that fine?"

"There is a thing known as hypermobility," Logan says, "it…oh, dear, it basically means that certain joints will bend…more."

"He's not hurt, that's pretty much all I know."

Roman looks like he's about to protest but Remus just clicks at him. They exchange another look as the humans settle back to work.

Humans are weird, just gotta roll with it.

These hadron logs, on the other hand—

"I'm gonna punt these flimflobbers into the next star we see."

"Can I help? They fucked up the carbon dating program as well."

"How do you fuck that up?"

"Ask them, not me!"

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[cookinguptales]

I will say, though, that sometimes you try to talk yourself out of your feelings for a long time and then you talk to someone outside of the situation and they're like "what the fuck" and you're like OH okay I have a right to feel weird and bad and stressed out.

I guess it's easy to feel stupid because you actually are affected when people are actively trying to affect you, especially when it's something like writing on the internet, which is just... always going to get harassment. Like when I say I've gotten messages about how people like me should be euthanized in the past over tumblr posts. :')

So you're like "oh, random shitty people is just something that everyone deals with, I should shut up and stop being a baby about it" and then you actually show the messages you're getting to someone and they're like ???? what????

Like I shared my inbox with my hairstylist when we were chatting a few days ago, and he was like ???? This man is not in fandom, so when he saw the kind of shit I was getting over not liking a finale of a tv show, he was shocked. Which... was kind of gratifying. It made me feel less crazy. lmao

Kind of reminds me of when I wrote this really personal essay about disability a few years ago and it won a contest. The people running the contest gave me uhhh quite a bit of money and asked me to keep writing for their site for more money. Like when I tell you I was literally on IRL conference calls with these people asking me why I stopped writing for them.

And I was finally like "...well, there's this feature on your site where you can tag other users in your essays, and after I won people kept writing their own essays about how much I didn't deserve to win, about how "lucky" I was to have a sob story that was attractive to the judges, about how whiny I was, people questioning my disability, etc. And since they tagged me, this was filling my email inbox and it really stressed me out. But if you look at the actual comments on the story, you don't see any of that. So it was kind of invisible harassment."

And the rep was horrified. She had never even considered that someone might use the feature like that. She was like WE'LL INVESTIGATE THIS and I was like. sure, okay. But getting that taste of the spotlight was already enough to make me peace out for good, tbh. Even though I knew that a lot of it was just sour grapes because they wanted to win themselves, and I knew that a lot of what they were saying wasn't valid, the sheer force of the animosity against me was overwhelming.

Like... it's not a crime to have your feelings hurt when someone is actively trying to hurt your feelings. It's natural, I guess, even if you feel kind of stupid about it.

I guess it's kind of wild to me that we just take it for granted that anyone who speaks up is gonna get yelled at online. Any prominent writer or activist you see is probably getting daily cruelty, if not outright death threats. And you just -- you have to have such a certain temperament to deal with all that. And I don't have it. I get easily overwhelmed and stressed when people are mad at me and I know it's not ideal but it is who I am. I joke about it, but I really kind of do feel like a small nervous dog sometimes.

And I wonder, sometimes, how many great voices we never hear from because of this expectation of harassment. Someone says something, gets some shitty trolly comment, then goes back in their hole and never talks again. Or they see the way other people get treated and they never speak up in the first place.

idk, I don't mean to be a martyr about this and I'm sure other people are getting the kinds of messages I am but like. God, it is so weird and disheartening to realize that a few people have been sending you nasty messages for literally months when you block an anon from your inbox and you see what else disappears. There are people who are so mad at me that they've sent me angry messages for months. Because I don't have the same opinions they do about a tv show.

It kind of makes you want to never talk about anything ever again. :(

[lonelyroommp3]

me when it's two days into summer and i'm already depressed because i can't figure out why i'm not already having the hot girl summer of my dreams with cute outfits hanging out with people every day fun plans in the sun making new friends having lil flings and whatnot (<- i only leave the house to go to work or run errands and try and be as invisible as possible while doing so and come home straight afterwards i feel sick every time i spend money i don't text any of my friends and the ones i do text live in other countries and every time i speak to somebody irl even if it is the literal children i teach at work i am convinced they think i am incompetent and weird and are all laughing at me behind my back)

[starglitterz]

serendipity. (i)

─── chapter 1 ! ~ a fresh start (and a terrible first impression)

summary; when you, a waitress at the local coffee shop, are paired up with the new recruit scaramouche, you’re pretty sure both of you are going to get fired within a week. he’s just quit being a social media influencer and after being forced to work here to make ends meet, he’s ready to let everyone there know how much he hates it. the worst part? you can’t shake the feeling that you know him from somewhere. but as he slowly warms up to you, scaramouche realises that having a fresh start isn’t that bad after all, and perhaps the two of you meeting like this was pure serendipity.

a/n; tumblr doesn't let me fit 6 million pics per post so everything is collaged :) it reads in the direction

1 2

3 4

reading on mobile is recommended bc it might be easier to zoom in! i'm really really really excited for this series AHAHA it's a bit longer than my previous smau so i can't wait for you all to see how things turn out >< hope you enjoy the very first chapter of serendipity!

masterlist.┃next.

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

groupchat !

irl !

it’s been a pretty relaxed day at komore teahouse, with a steady stream of customers who weren’t anything you and yoimiya couldn’t handle. dusk has already fallen, and you’re all closing up the shop while also preparing to meet the rookie. to be honest, you’re pretty surprised ayaka was the one brought up hiring someone new; komore rarely took in new recruits, and the business was small but well-run as proven by its popularity, with all the employees treating each other like family. hence the reason for your excitement, as the only reason ayaka gave you for the sudden decision was a cryptic explanation of ‘a friend called in a favour’. 

the familiar chime of the entrance doorbell reverberates throughout the empty cafe just as you finish wiping down the last table. yoimiya turns to you, eyes lighting up at the sound, “he must be here!” ayaka and thoma both rush to the front as well, with ayaka smoothing invisible creases from her perfectly ironed skirt and thoma dusting off crumbs from his apron. he beams and gives you a thumbs up, “nice work today,” to which you smile and return the gesture, “same to you, i swear the desserts smelled even better than usual.” “shush, he’s coming in!” ayaka hushes the both of you like a mother reprimanding her noisy children, and yoimiya can’t help but snicker, prompting you to shoot her a joking glare.

the man who appears in front of you is nothing like what you imagined. to be totally honest, you yourself aren’t sure what was your first thought when ayaka mentioned a new colleague, but it certainly wasn’t this. his shockingly purple hair is cropped right above his ears, and his eyes are outlined in red. his outfit is stylish, and you think you recognise some of the clothes from a fashion magazine you were browsing a while ago, which begs the question; if he’s rich enough to afford those, why is he working at a cafe? what shocks you the most, though, is the slightest hint of displeasure on his expression, with his lips already downturned into a frown as he scans the room. you think you might just be reading too much into it, he probably just has an rbf.

his gaze travels uninterestedly over the three of you before finally settling on ayaka, “you must be the one in charge?” the way he phrases it comes off as more of a statement than a question, as if he hadn’t even considered the possibility that he may be wrong. that already rubs you the wrong way, but you try to convince yourself not to let your opinion of him be swayed too quickly - maybe he’s just awkward. though you’re quite sure ayaka is surprised by his demeanour too, she manages to maintain a warm smile and reply, “yes, i’m kamisato ayaka, the owner of komore teahouse. and you must be scaramouche, our newest recruit. welcome to the family!” 

the three of you echo the sentiment with matching grins, but his fiery stare stops you short as you’re about to introduce yourself. “i have no interest in being part of this…” he waves his hands in the air to illustrate his point, “so-called family.” to say your jaw drops would be an understatement. “i’m only here because i need a job. i will do what my contract requires and collect my payment, that’s it.” his continuation only serves to make you more confused, but also lights a fire in you. this stranger has no right to come into your cafe and act this selfish and entitled and rude and- you already have a long list of choice adjectives you’d use to describe him. 

yoimiya is gaping openly at him, not even bothering to hide her shock, and so is thoma. you’re not sure what you look like right now but you’re pretty certain you’re mirroring their expressions. ayaka is the only one who still remains calm and collected, the very picture of demureness. “understandable. we all have bills to pay,” she smiles, but it doesn’t meet her cold eyes, and her tone is edged with ice beneath the friendliness, “but i expect you to do this job to the best of your ability, or you will be dismissed. you will start from monday.” he tips his chin up, jutting it out slightly as if to grudgingly accept her win this time, “fine.”

without another word, he turns around sharply and walks out, exhibiting not even a hint of hesitation. as the doorbell jingles once more to signify his exit, the entire quartet is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. until yoimiya, the bravest among all of you, breaks the silence with a “what on earth just happened?”

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© starglitterz 2022. do not repost or modify in any way.

[buckera]

I love your Smallville and clex posting, it's bringing back so many memories and so much happiness, it's great!

aww i'm so glad you feel that way cuz i'm probably gonna go through the whole series lmao

but on a more serious note it's insane to me that this was already kinda nostalgic to me when i was writing clex fics into my high school notebooks (and getting the biggest flack from my irl friends for that one fic i never finished and left off on a cliffhanger for years after lmao)

i always loved these superhero stories that bring them down to a more "realistic" ground... like sure people are becoming invisible and liposucking bodyfat out of others because of some meteors and this guy is an alien but also... it's prom night abdvsgs

[tea-and-secrets]

I have a suspicion that I may have ADHD but I've already got this probable but undiagnosed autism that I'm fairly open about if the subject comes up and among the myriad other things (grappling with genderqueer stuff, asexual but still not sure if I'm aro- or panromantic) I feel like I am Too Many Minorities bc I'm also chinese (which comes with its own set of identity issues, but too much baggage, sorry). I suppose I fear the invisible audience (or irl person) who will go "NO, you greedy hog! You have had enough of the minority pies! You've already had one piece from the neurodivergent table and we don't even know if you deserve it!"

I'm in the UK and in the middle of exam season, then uni starting September. I feel like it'd help even just to be vindicated but also access to meds would be great? Maybe that'd fix my inability to get fucking anything started while at home. Maybe it'd help correct my sleep schedule. Mostly I can only lie listlessly dreading the future because so far I feel I've made it academically on a knife's edge but to most everyone I just look competent and diligent when I'm NOT!! State of the NHS right now too

I feel like the worst laziest person in the whole world sometimes! I'm also stressed about moving out and not having all my stuff and missing my cat! I'm so shit at talking to new people and will inevitably convince myself everyone thinks I'm annoying! Plus the government's gone to shit and everything else just seems to rapidly be getting worse! I just want to do fuck-all and draw and write and play games! Most of all I'm terrified of disappointing people in my life and some sort of me thinks the ND suspicions are excuses for when I inevitable underachieve! Fuck!!!

.

[navigatorsghost]

Naruto-specific thoughts here so I'm not going to add them on directly to the post I'm referring to, but I keep seeing that post going around about people who've worked with the Muppets IRL and how legitimately hard it is to not see a muppet as a person - to the extent of people doing things like unthinkingly miking up Kermit instead of the performer doing his voice.

And I absolutely yearn for more of that in headcanons and stories and fanon about Sasori, Kankurō, or the Suna puppeteers in general. Even in our world, a convincing enough puppet can cause people to have a genuine cognitive short circuit when it comes to remembering that it is a puppet. How much more likely would that be in a world where puppets can be animated from a distance with strings that can be made invisible, and disguised to the point of being physically indistinguishable from a living person?

Like. There's little glimpses of it already in the canon - Sasori's replacement parents, or that one omake where Kankurō gets told by Temari that he'll never have human friends if he doesn't stop being so weird about his puppets. I just wish there was so much more. I want puppeteers who casually talk to their own puppets, to each other's puppets (and get answers because the other puppeteer Gets It too), who have as much emotional attachment to their synthetic teammates as to their organic ones. Because that's totally what would happen. Human beings can't stick googly eyes onto an inanimate object without immediately projecting feelings onto the resulting implied creature. People got genuinely emotional over the Curiosity rover singing "Happy Birthday" to itself, and that was a faceless, utterly non-anthropomorphic machine that was literally on another planet at the time. There are a hundred million bedraggled elderly plushies sitting on the beds of adults who would never dream of throwing them away. And sensible grown-up actors and TV presenters can easily, naturally hold entire conversations with muppets without missing a beat.

So yeah, given all that? You cannot convince me that ninja puppeteers and their puppets wouldn't be tied to each other by the most complicated webs of love and empathy and emotional projection and just flat-out weirdness you could ever dream of.

[lukewarmsoapytoast]

UGH the URGE to just spam this acc with angst writing is INSANE. Sadly, I haven’t written a full-length read in a while, I’ve had college classes in the mornings and I get busy in the afternoons. So, my point is, HERE’S SOME QUOTES I CAME UP WITH OR WANT TO USE‼️‼️

Please only reuse w/ credit!

Most of these taken from irl because it was funny 😭

LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINIONS AND WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT QUOTES AND SUCH IN!!!

Quotes

•

"Of course you do, and you’re going to regret those bad decisions in the morning when you’re sober."

“What morning?”

•

“You ignore my requests like they’re food allergies at a foreign restaurant and you wonder why I wanna hang out with girls more.”

•

“I wish I could love you, too.”

•

“It’s because I’m in love with you.”

“Because you wha—oh my god, it all makes sense now.”

•

"Alright, alright, I’ll tell you. But you can't laugh, okay? Promise me you’ll listen without judgment."

“I mean unless you say that you managed to kill a god, I won’t laugh.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

•

“My love…You— You know there isn’t any recovering from this, the medics won’t arrive in time, I-I’ll die. I deserve to be made fun of for being that stupid, but I don’t regret my choice…saving you was my goal overall in life, my purpose, and I succeeded..I can die happy, but you need to let me go, first.”

•

“And how am I supposed to believe you, huh? You wanna bring that fucking whore in to confirm that you still love me? That you regret fucking her over and over, and over, repeatedly, on our own damn bed??”

“[First Name], I—”

“It’s [Last Name] now, that’s what you’ll be referring to me as. No more pet names, no more first name. Goodbye, find somebody else to manipulate.”

•

“Dude, you literally shot me.”

“I was beat as a child, do you hate me, do you want me dead, I know you do, I understand—”

•

“I have a penis and it isn’t mine. ☺️”

“Uhh, what?”

“You heard me.”

“Where r u rn??”

“I’m w ur mom”

“Bruh”

“The party you told me not to go to.”

“Omw.”

•

“If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”

“😈”

“Uh oh? Please tell me you haven’t written an essay about this already and I happened to send that around the time you finished it.”

“I think I'd have the ability to persuade people. It's nothing special but imagine how much success you could end up having and also how many people you could befriend. I like having friends. ALSO you can stop any wars with just a "Stop pretty pls 🥺👉👈" like it's the best superpower. You could save the world with it basically, screw pollution”

“Dear god, keep going. I’m interested.”

“People who wanna fly are confusing, like, go skydiving or something like that, pull a hiccup from HTTYD. And why obtain invisibility when you can just tell people you aren’t there?”

“Wait, you’ve got a point.”

“Somebody asking why we’re stalking them? Hit them with the ‘NUH UH! I’M NOT EVEN HERE, BABY! I’M A HALLUCINATION!’. That’ll win.”

“Oh my god you’re onto something.”

“Someone trying to end the world? Nope. ‘Pretty pls be a good person 🥺’ them.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since you asked.”

“YOU THOUGHT THAT UP THAT QUICKLY???”

•

"What if he thinks I'm being dense?"

"Then he'll stop liking you. Problem solved."

Ideas

•

When they're constantly assuring as they lay dying, "I'm fine, I'll be okay, don't worry about me, l'll live." But their final words, whispered, barely audible,

"I don't want to die."

•

“I’ll be there for you”, “I’m sorry”, “I love you”, over and over again. “don’t hurt yourself”, “We need a break”, “I need you”, All of this, but you never mean it. Never. Not when I need you, your mistakes are a record on loop, your love is as present as my father. You don’t care if I hurt myself, especially because you hurt me. Can this break last forever? You need me to do as you say, you don’t need me there.

•

If HS!Gojo had a crush he’d confess like this:

(Texting)

“Let’s go on a date, do you like sex? Lol. <3”

•

Chr picks up a completely dry and closed jar of salsa.

“Salsaaaa…”

Something drips on their toe.

“Is…Is it wet?”

Frantically checking the jar for water droplets or cracks. Nothing.

“Excuse me???”

Confused.

“WHY???”

Concerned.

•

Father telling small adopted demon child to stay behind while they search for a plushie.

"Perhaps you should stay here, honey. This is no place for a child anyways. I'm sure we don't want you getting kidnapped by some kind of murderer, do we?"

"👹" Foaming at the mouth.

"Dear god, what have I done?"

•

Two characters arguing in a group chat over who’s hotter and it turns into an argument over who would be a better boyfriend to you. This is how you make your grand entrance.

“What did I just stumble upon at this very unfortunate hour. I wish to die.”

[butch-reidentified]

Thank you for being kind towards women who shave obvious facial hair. I'm very fair-skinned but brunette with facial hair, so it's very dark and there's a lot of it (my doctor thinks I might have a hormonal imbalance or maybe a brain tumor that causes the hair to grow). So I shave it off because otherwise people stare and it makes me self-conscious but I feel like I'm betraying my sisters when I shave so it's just bad feelings all around.

i don't think you're betraying anyone. actually i don't like that take in general & i usually make a point to speak up when i see that. fighting for liberation for all woman means fighting for the women you consider "traitors" too, you can't have it both ways. i don't think there's anything productive that can come from using that language tbqh.

but when it comes to facial hair on women, i think it's fair to say that we are allowed to take baby steps. fighting to increase acceptance of female leg hair and armpit hair is already a massive challenge. i think it's okay to focus on that right now and compromise on facial hair because at the end of the day, we ARE working to break stereotypes and free women, but we are also human beings trying to survive ~in a society~ yk? i think we need to keep that in mind and meet women where they're at to an extent

i have a lot of success with this. i've brought a LOT of women to radfeminism or radfem-aligned views IRL, and just about all of them were very "normie" when we met. none of them were antifeminist or anything, but certainly a majority of them still strongly believed in or at least complied with gender. some still do even though they know it's harmful, and i love them just the same bc i know they're trying at their own pace and nothing other than understanding and gentle yet tough love pushing them to challenge themselves for their and all women's good, is going to actually have an impact. i know this from experience, i know this from how much success my wife and i have as the type of feminists who literally will not shut up about it irl & make a point to at least expose all the women in our lives to a new way of seeing things - to data (á la "invisible women"), to material analysis, class perspective, etc.

we cannot compromise on things like letting men into women's spaces, yet when i use the word compromise, many women assume this is what i'm implying. no, i'm talking about compromising on individual women's actions. if she is doing 15 awesome things for other women but she hasn't yet found the courage to completely stop shaving her legs, are we rly gonna focus ONLY on the legs?

[ilovedthestars]

i've gotten to a place where I am starting to feel like i'm interested in Being Out as Aro/Ace but i'm also realizing how much that's just...harder than Being Out as Gay was.

rambling under the cut, because it got long.

i'm sure part of this is still my internal hangups about not being sure, not being able to define my experiences as neatly as I'd like to, etc, but i feel like it also just...comes up less. like, i'm not gonna sit down everyone in my life and do an official Coming Out conversation. i didn't really do that the first time around, except kind of very awkwardly with my parents (blurted it out in the middle of a family activity and then hid in my room for the rest of the evening) (they were fine and i'd knew they'd be fine but it was still terrifying and also painfully awkward). i've always been the "i want to just bring this up casually and have it not be a big deal" kind of person when it comes to coming out.

and like, when i was IDing as...i keep wanting to say "queer" because that was mostly the label i used, but I was using it to mostly mean gay/lesbian, and it's not like i'm not queer anymore, so if i seem awkward about calling myself gay for clarity's sake that's why. when i was IDing as gay it was easy to just be like, haha, yeah, girls are so pretty, when it came up in discussion with fellow gay people. omg, she's gorgeous, i'm so gay, etc. those little social rituals sometimes felt shallow, but they were already in place, and there were ways for me to be like, hey, i see you, me too, and have that little queer joy bonding moment with someone else.

(sidebar: in retrospect, maybe the reason I never wanted coming out to be a Big Deal is that sexuality and romance have......never been a big deal to me. i didn't have the big dramatic crushes or a secret girlfriend or anything. i was just like, hey, girls are pretty, and assumed that would eventually translate into the desire for a relationship somewhere down the line. so far it hasn't, and i'm starting to think it might never. hence the internal crisis and the slowly accepting that i'm somewhere in the vicinity of aro/ace.)

but anyway, for coming out as aspec, those little rituals just...aren't there. the closest i've stumbled upon is listening to a friend talk about an actor's bone structure and going "i'm too ace for this," but that's a declaration I don't know if I feel comfortable making to anyone but a close friend right now. the fact that I'm not particulary GNC in my presentation and I don't think i read as "visibly queer" doesn't really help the feeling that, in conversations with a group of queer people, I'm not sure if I'm being seen as one of them.

like, it's not even the idea of coming out to people who don't know what aro/ace means that bothers me. (although thank god I never went thru all the drama of coming out to my extended family as gay, because walking that back would be awkward.) for most of those people I honestly don't care that much. i can just be like, nah, not really interested in relationships, and move on. it's the fact that I want to be part of queer spaces, and belong in them. and i feel like I don't fit into them the same as i did before.

it's a weird kind of invisibility.

this is mostly in my own head, I think. I haven't had any direct experience with aphobia, and it's not that i expect that kind of reaction. i just...want that laughter and little bonding moment with people. maybe that's it--not having met a fellow aspec IRL, that i'm aware of. i haven't had the "hey, I see you, me too."

I have been able to have that in online spaces. (a lot of you reading this have been a part of that. you know who you are, and i am so, so grateful for you.) but i'd like to be able to have it in the queer spaces i'm a part of in my offline life as well.