#i'm allowed to make fun i'm also this friend
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i think frequently about how insufferable giles would be with a smart phone (once he gave in to learning how to use it)
buffy would say an idiom like 'til the cow's come home and question "hm wonder where that comes from" and ten minutes later when the conversation's moved on he'd be like "well according to grammarist.com..." and they'd all throw tomatoes at him
#ten minutes later bc obviously he types slow with a single index finger#btvs#rupert giles#ofc if jenny's involved she beats him to the answer and rubs it in his face#i'm allowed to make fun i'm also this friend#rambles
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The fact that Briar is listed as one of Rosabella's best friends in her profile but Briar's profile barely mentions her..
#oh they could be so angsty if mattel hadn't forgotten that they were related#i'm sure someone's said this before but whatever i think abt it too often#and yes ik rosabella is mentioned among briar's friends later but it's abt proximity ok#this is also partially bc mattel refused to give rosabella fleshed out characterisation and other friends#but i'm ignoring that too bc the angst potential of this is so much more fun#ever after high#eah#briar beauty#rosabella beauty#like rosabella constantly protesting bc she cares that much and her friends forgetting#and then her profile#idk something abt her always caring too much and it making her come off as overly sensitive#vs other ppl thinking she's a bit out there#am i projecting? possibly BUT SHE'S ONE OF MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS IM ALLOWED TO#also briar probably has a hella weird relationship w her aunt and i need to see them in a room together#especially after briar goes off script cause her parents wouldn't have ever been ok w that#but her aunt? who's supposed to love everyone no matter what? who briar is probably super distant towards cause it's implied her mom#doesn't get along w her sister? oh u just know they both cried when she visited that day#n e way been meaning to make this post for a while and keep forgetting so
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Thinking about Angeal in DFFOO apparently throwing himself in front of a sword to protect Sephiroth, even knowing that he's unrepentantly evil at that point and has no goal except to hurt people and fuck with Cloud, because he just cares about him so much—
But in CC, Angeal is only upset about Genesis' alleged death because he didn't manage to kill him before Zack did. Even though he's completely aware that Genesis is doing all this in an attempt to either 1. not literally rot to death, or 2. take the company down with him in recompense for ruining all their lives from conception.
The only point that he gets genuinely upset after Genesis "dies" is when Hollander calls Gillian by name. That is more upsetting to him than the death of someone who he's known basically since birth. The only issue with his oldest childhood friend being dead is that Angeal didn't get to kill him.
But Sephiroth, openly malicious, violent, abusive—he is worth defending. He's worth protecting. He deserves every possible chance to prove that he's better than he was made, even when he's stated outright that he made his choice and doesn't intend to change.
Absolutely mindboggling that so few people seem to realize the extreme difference in how he feels about them, even when it's on full display.
(Also, I feel like it's more proof for my theory that Angeal is in love with Sephiroth too and the reason he treated Genesis the way he did is because if he wasn't good enough, then Genesis certainly wasn't, and couldn't be allowed to think otherwise. I don't think this was intentionally malicious, but I think Angeal was actually extremely immature and so self-righteous he'd rather they all be miserable than see someone he loved find support from someone he found unworthy.)
#fandom vent#angeal critical#I'm not even talking shit about the character here mind you#this is what happens#this is the canon#this is how he ACTUALLY behaves IN GAME#he's brilliantly flawed#he's a WONDERFUL character#but fandom doesn't see that#do I think he cared about his friends? yeah#do I think he cared about the oldest one as much as fandom thinks he did?#absolutely the fuck not#you don't lament that you didn't get to kill your best friend#who was trying to SURVIVE#who TOLD YOU THE TRUTH when NO ONE ELSE DID#who ALLOWED YOU TO MAKE YOUR OWN DECISIONS#and then risk your own life defending your other friend#against people he has LITERALLY MURDERED#and he is TRYING TO MURDER AGAIN#FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN HIS OWN FUN#if you ACTUALLY LOVE BOTH OF YOUR FRIENDS EQUALLY#but fandom refuses to see that#there is so much about this character that could be explored#he could be brilliant#grey and greyer morality#facades of nobility covering up deep insecurity#he's SO well-written in-canon#but fandom goes 'oh he said he's good so he is'#YEAH HE ALSO SAID THAT STEALING FROM EVERYONE BUT HIS RICH FRIEND WAS HONORABLE#HE IS VERY VERY WRONG ABOUT MANY MANY THINGS
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had to drop $812 at Midas today for all new tires/a realignment, and then i got home to find wimsey bleeding like a stuck pig from a giant gash across the underside of his neck (not sure if one of the other cats literally went for the throat, or if he just clawed all the fur and skin off), and then i had to work an extra two hours to make up for the Midas jaunt, so today has just been A Day.
picture of the recuperating, grompy patient:
#the only plus of the day is i read half of a new-to-me lucy parker book while waiting for the mechanics to finish#state of the angie b.#i've been SO GOT DAMN CAREFUL with my budget this month. i was $300 under it!!! i only had FOUR DAYS TO GO#and then today happened#so now i'm $500 over budget AGAIN and i'm not allowed to buy/do anything fun or get take-out for TWO MORE months#which is an EXTRA bummer because the oddities expo is july 20th#which means i can't get any new taxidermied friends or bones or nifty art this year. *sad siiiiigh*#also i gotta cut my groceries in half next month. i spent $300 on groceries alone this month. that's untenable.#(and it's not like i was buying fresh fruit and veg or meat or anything. that was just canned soup and pasta and microwave meals)#so july is gonna be a ramen month baaaaybeeee. what fun.#ANYWAY this is enough tag venting. i'm gonna go stab something 800 times (finish a cross-stitch to replace one lost in the mail)#(because YEAH a sampler that someone commissioned from me was lost in the mail and now i gotta make ANOTHER ONE#and then eat the extra cost for the second shipping. lololololol everything is GREAT.)
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allowing myself to be young and stupid. allowing myself to feel things, not just move past them. allowing myself to be a little carefree. to make mistakes. to fix mistakes. to be here.
#smiling at my phone over a boy. knowing it's not serious or perfect but also knowing it's fun to be here while it's here#enjoying what i can.#trying not to beat myself up for failing to meet impossible standards. trying to give myself leeway.#i can have a weekend of friends and parties and drinks. i can ignore family complications and future plans just for a moment#things have been so tough. i have to remember this. they've been very hard and they've been a damn lot.#I'm allowed to have things simple for a while. to make up for lost time.#it's okay#I'll be okay.#🤸
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No context but I got So distracted. I did not set out to do All That today. I don't even know where the fuck I am anymore. It was all an impulse decision and I didn't even write down the second distraction because it was So Strong. In my mind. But then a second distraction hit my two braincells. I have no idea whwre I am anymore. I was just gonna whip up a shitpost doodle and then go back to my main project. I never even got to the shitpost doodle. 🧍
#okay fine full context. i was hit w a vision last night due to a pet peeve like No Hate but Damn#people will really just put any guy in this specific format. and obvs epic trans headcanons forever i have nothing but respect 🫡#but like. it just irked me and made me ask myself Well. who WOULD fit this format in my beautiful mind palace#who. in my mind. has LAYERS of lore surrounding my trans hc for him. who would fucking say that. some sort of mentor perhaps#and who would ASK him that. what would PROMPT that. under WHAT PLAUSIBLE CONDITIONS#esp i think bc the topic makes me so fucking dysphoric too i go insane and die 1000 deaths about it routinely#to the point where i straight up almost never talk about it. i refuse to even acknowledge it.#which is. i think why this got to me so much LMFAOOOOOO I'M. ANGRY. HOW DARE YOU HAVE FUN WHILE I'M DYING. BADLY.#in a way that i just could never allow myself to have fun w bc I Am Above It. you CANNOT get me. i'm WINNING.#takumi has too much pride so not him. moe has too much pride so not it either.#no.... this is. a job. for Bruno.......#and sharena my best friend sharena my sillie goofy about to jump to the most INSANE conclusion bestie sharena 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#but then. realization. i have to revisit my 'back in the day' designs for the askr sibs and ESP bruno.#and honestly i just needed to completely revamp him. okay. no probalm! 👍 i am revisiting my back in the day alfonse hcs#really Thinking about them. i doodle One Thing about how if alfonse wants to build any muscle#he needs proper nutrition. he is SCRAWNY. he is TWIGGY. he only has weight in his thighs abd really not as much as he shoulf#i get distractef. i am making a comic. anna is there. she is also a mentor. the comic is about learning life skills/food#I REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENS. I CAN'T FORGET. I NEED TO GO. GOODBYE#worte it down but alsp i got plans i gotta go for REAL. GOODGBEY
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sorry to everyone who's been missing me/waiting for something from me, i've been slipping in and out of depressive fog for a week or two (and in general have experienced significantly worse depression than normal for a couple years, but that’s another story)
i long to get back, too; a lot of things to read and ideas to write and people to talk to. love y'all, take care
#signed: vika's ghost#also i've caught a cold so there's that too#terribly sorry for being overdramatic i'm just... tired of being tired and i wanted to talk about it a little bit#it's very important for me to talk about everything that's wrong with me. i tend to avoid that but now i'm trying to learn and to make peace#creative drive and ability to hold thought-out conversations keep slipping out of my graps and it kinda hurts more#— in a good cathartic sort of way but painful nonetheless — to remember what they felt like at all#i miss wanting to work on my wip and i miss having the attention span to write out headcanon and i miss having headcanons#and i miss talking to my fandom friends#(i did it just last week but i already miss it. it's one of the things i'd like to be able to do every day)#and i miss the ability to connect with art and i miss the ability to focus on written word and i miss commenting#and i miss discussing ideas and i miss interacting and i miss having fun. god i just miss having fun.#kp my apologies for not making much progress on bb&b; myself my apologies for not writing any of my other wips or outlines or posts;#da gc gang my apologies for not following up on any of the things; every fic writer whose work ended up in my to-read pile IM SORRY#jack & kp specifically i love your stuff#also jack my apologies for taking a While; & the rd gc apologies for never writing out any of the cool au thoughts i'd had after some point#really,i've been meaning to. everything requires way too much effort. everyone is so fun and i miss having fun#take care,remember me fondly,i'll be back,please stand by#if tomorrow morning i find this embarrassing i'll chalk it up to a fever or something.#idc i'm allowed to have it. world won't blow up if i'm embarrassing on the internet once or twice or honestly even forever#vikarambles#vent
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slowly working my way through making these little character refs for the whole htf cast... just basic info and lil bits of trivia :3
these were Heavily inspired by @hostilemuppet's art because their interpretations of the characters are so perfect and their art is super swag!!
#ace rambles#happy tree friends#my art#sorry to tag you muppet i know we don't know each other that well but i wanted to give you credit for the inspo 🥴#love your stuff#nyway i had a lot of fun doing these and completely ignoring both canon and reasonable reality#''ace why did you make lifty a trans guy and shifty a cis that's not how twins work irl''#yeah well irl raccoons don't come in green or drive vans (probably) so i think i'm allowed to get a little silly with the genders#i fully intend to do the rest of the cast at some point but i have to switch my laundry and then go to bed lol#also sorry if you can't read my handwriting#poor fine motor skills you know how it is#htf character refs
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not to project too hard onto a fictional character but at what point did it just become so standard for John to get high grades in academics that his family stopped acknowledging it because that was the norm
#is this bc i told my family about my results and literally no one said anything despite responding to my second question#so i know they saw it#yes 😔#come on fam I'm allowed to be proud and excited and I want to share that 🥺🥺🥺🥺#yes I DO want to be told congrats for every result I worked hard for that!!#how is it that my friends and colleagues are more hyped than you i don't get it#(i will make character sad for the same reasons as me watch out)#anyway my family are very lovely but alas tall poppy syndrome is rampant#and i'm just more senstive bc the sads are here for other reasons#but also dude :(#idk#also this is not a post meant to be like john's soooo much smarter than everyone else bc he is not and I'll die on that hill#they're all smart#but i do like the idea of him being into academics and basing just a bit too much of his self esteem on his grades#and falling just a wee bit on the arrogant side of pride when it comes to those smarts#bc that is something I do unfortunately relate to 🤪🤪#forreal physics students get a bit of a god complex and are super insufferable for a few years source: me#so#am i rambling to make myself feel better yes#poking fun at john is a favourite past time of mine what can i say#anyway releasing this into the world bc screw it#then I should probs make dinner bc it's getting a bit late
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I've gone from insane about the pilot when it dropped and so so into it to mildly interested and kind of cringing at the actual first episode. 4 years's not a lot but I feel like I got old
#i'm talking about h@zbin h0tel btw. i refuse for this to appear in the tags this is a mutuals only post#like. i was sooo into the pilot in high school#and now it's uh. i can see the strings and there's a lot of them#by that i mean i see what they're trying to do and how they're trying to do it#instead of the techniques having the intended effect and being seamless#the swearing is.... a bit tedious. the singing was mych better in the pilot than it is in ep1#i am also the one person on earth who doesn't like v@ggie's va i think?#her sound quality is Different and she sounds like a real person talking to a friend#which you'd think is good but actually it sounds Off for a show#also like the characters... cringe. this throws me back to when i thought this was the height of cool and it doesn't work for me#what gets me is it's pretty tied to its fanbase compared to what i usually engage with#like. it got big based on the fanbase and the reaction to the pilot is the vibe i get#and the fans are.... teenagers? who think this is the height of cool?#which. when i was like 15 i was so into this. but i am Not 15 Anymore.#and i don't want to be around 15yos who don't like the same things in media as me#man this makes me feel old and i was born after 9/11. like. i'm not old. i'm young!#but this makes me feel ancient. like i'm an old no-fun allowed cat lady#wow i have a ramble tag now
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indigo disk is coming out in just over a month and we still have very little information..... on the fence about how i feel about this!
on one hand i'm so on board with them actually leaving things secret until the dlc drops, but on the other hand... legendaries? shiny huntable legendaries? sw/sh + dlc legendaries and enamorus shiny real at the very least?
#ghost town... 2!#pokemon#please please don't drop the trend now lol#if the time machine really is an imagination machine or w/e then there's the mechanic right there#there's your oras hoopa rings / usum ultra wormholes / swsh dynamax adventures / bdsp ramanas park#terapagos conjures up a whole eternatus to hunt for or whatever. come ooonnnn#also if enamorus is allowed in official tournaments then you have to make her available in the game the tournaments are held in cmon now#oh yea also please let cosmog actually be shiny huntable lmao seriously why are the final evos huntable but not the prevos#also ideally poipole and type: null too just because that makes 4 less full odds shinies i need on the 3ds before bank goes down#and zygarde because no one is getting that in dynamax adventures anymore without actual friends to do it with bc the npcs are awful lol#and barely anyone does dynamax adventures with randoms anymore so doing that isn't reliable either :/#but anyways yea gen 8 legendaries are most important really. if those are shiny huntable at least then i'll be content#i mean i know i'm gonna like the dlc anyways bc i'm an easy-to-please diehard pokemon fan but yknow lmao#(i mean i still criticize the garbage shit tpc/gf does ofc but i just mean i'm always gonna have fun playing the games)#(you know how it is with nintendo stuff)
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My mom woke me up at 2am to say "I just want to let you know that I'm not crazy, but I am the bride of Christ and he needs you to take him more seriously." and no one is hiring me, so I can't afford to move out of this wackass fucking house!!! Bro I hate it here!!!
#and then she was like ''i keep trying to /remind him/ that you're trying to sleep‚ but he really wanted me to tell you 🥺''#please someone get me the fuck out of here oh my god. she also mocked me for being raped and abused as a kid which was um. not fun#bc I'm scared of men‚ and i get nervous when men come over. and she has a ldr boyfriend (of 6 months) who she plans on marrying#and she was like ''ohhh let me just NEVER HAVE MEN OVER because I have to bow down to your TWAUMAA *mocking noises*''#and i hadn't even done or said ANYTHING!!! i don't complain when she has guy friends over!!! i just stay in my room!!!!#and then she called me a spoiled rotten brat because i had a panic attack when she randomly mentioned he was coming over#like I'm not allowed to be afraid of a complete stranger my mom has known for 6 months being in my house#and she's like ''i KNOW HIM!!!!'' girl you also knew my father for 12 years and look how that turned out. not good!#sorry for venting on here‚ I'm at the library right now. bc if i go home‚ she's going to start telling me her conspiracy theories#like i do not feel safe enough to go home. and I've been desperately job hunting to get the fuck out but i haven't gotten even 1 reply#anyway!!! I'm coping by looking at apartments and making lists of household items to fill it with#heart shaped rice cooker my beloved#personal
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Make a cashapp or something I'll give u like. $10 /srs. I NEED my jay ninjago voice
RAH I don't know if I can bc even tho I can legally it requires bank account stuff n I would not be able to do that w/o parental permission. And I don't think my parents would appreciate "haiiii can I get a Cash App set up so my friend River 8-Regrets Heatherra can send me ten dollar for Jay Ninjago voice ^-^".
#asks#I could potentially go through an irl who has cash app but that would be convuluted#could do it tho. just. not currently bc I'm busy.#anyway fun lore I don't think my parents actually know I have online friends#I also don't know if I'm allowed to have online friends?#it's whatever but I think the context that I was NOT supposed to be on social media till I was 16 makes me posting the second I turn 16#really funny#and it makes me hella lurking on this site for two and a half years before that really really funny
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I'm going to dye my hair on friday. For the first time in my life. I'm terrified.
#i'm both scared of how it will look and of my dad possibly murdering me when he sees it#fun fact about my dad: i'm going to be 22 next week and i don't know how to do make up because he doesn't allow me to wear it#ngl i wouldn't want to wear it but the point is he doesn't allow anything that contains unneccessary chemicals to be used#so friday will be insane for both of us#i am also very scared of the end result like how it will look like will it suit me#all my friends and my cousin are so hyped for this change so i'll kill them if i end up not liking it#i also really want to do it but i'm also feeling more anxious than before some exams
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.
#shut up kell#i need to yammer. somewhere.#i have too much fucking happening to my brain rn#monday is the eleventh anniversary of nana dying.#i was eleven when she died. i've had to fucking miss her for as long as i got to know her. i don't know what to do with this#every single day after monday will be another day longer than the time i got to spend on earth at the same time as her#and i'm not well! and that isn't going to be something i can deal with this weekend bc i am going to be so busy#i've got barbie on friday. i'm going to a cottage for the weekend with my friends for meg's sister's birthday#which i wanted to say no to due to the timing. but of course i said yes bc i can't say no to meg literally fucking ever bc i'm tragic.#and i also know the blackout i'd go into for the first nine years after isn't smth she would want for me. so i don't do it anymore.#i'm going to have fun and i'm going to be fine but i would be lying if i said i wasn't regretting this fucking thing rn. i don't wanna do it#i don't want to do anything. i want to have time to prepare myself for this. i need to have space to get myself ready for this shift.#but i won't get that. and then it will be monday and then i will be in the true After.#i thought ten years would be the worst one. that was nothing compared to this.#and i'm sick to my stomach thinking about next year#and the year after it. and the year after that. and the years after those.#i shouldn't have to go through this. she should have been allowed to stay. i wasn't ready then and i'm even less ready now and i want her.#i want her back and i cannot fucking have her and i will have to live however many more years beyond this without her until i'm gone too.#and then i'll just have to hope and pray that i get to go wherever she went without me.#what a cruel existence. what a horrid thing to make me do. having to keep walking this earth as her ash dances on the surface of the sea.#i'm going to bed. i will not feel better tomorrow but i'm used to that.#i'm okay and i always am and i will make it through. somehow. kicking and screaming the whole way.#i'd trade all my tomorrows for just one fucking yesterday. yeah. fuck off.
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[holds onto this feeling with both fucking hands]
#'why am I drawing ruszca instead of my friends' PCs or my actual canon dnd ships or--' BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT AND I'M ALLOWED#because I like her and I wanted to idk!! and it was fun and it felt good and now I wanna ALSO draw that other stuff!!#instead of the entire concept of drawing anything feeling too guilty and bad to engage with at all!!#also I do happen to know that the Disappointed Friends In My Head are not in fact ENTIRELY fictional strawmen : )#my dad has told me it hurts his feelings that I don't draw kethri cause she's my character in the campaign we're in together#and like. okay it hurts MY feelings that 2/3s of the time we play that campaign you don't bother to engage at all#so the overall experience doesn't feel that rewarding to me despite my husband being the best DM I've played with :)#but yeah ngl there was definitely a little My Dad Voice in my head when I was drawing the mistletoe one like#'you never draw my PC/ your brothers' PCs though this should be one of them instead :('#and I had to just. kick that voice to the curb. that's not HELPFUL it just makes art feel bad so I don't wanna do it at all#I counted once and there are... nearly 70 PCs and Major/ Beloved NPCs I Could Be Drawing at any given time between all my campaigns#there is ALWAYS someone whom I'm neglecting I LITERALLY cannot win in that regard#ANYWAY. man. would you believe I actually draw a lot more stuff when it feels fun and rewarding and I'm not paralyzed by guilt#about me#my art#posts from twitter
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