#i'm actually fucking losing it

[ethaninthewilde]

quick mental health rant:

(cw: seizures, depression)

first seizure in two months last night. which is fine. it was bound to happen sometime. but it was the night before the first shift i'd had in over a year since they started, when they got to the point of 4 - 5 a week and I could no longer hold a job down. and i was so excited for this fucking shift. my income at the moment is incredibly tight because I haven't been able to work for a year and i'm on study benefits from the government and even just this one, maybe two shifts was going to be so incredibly helpful. i could get my wheelchair fixed. i could finish paying off that surgery. but then i ended up in the fucking ambulance again and had to tell them i couldn't work indefinitely and its just the same thing over and over again isn't it? when does it end? does it ever end? is there even a point in trying to get better when all you do is end up in the same spot?

and it was just the two. two is nothing. two could just be a small blip. but it was 55 minutes and i had to be sedated and put on oxygen and sure that to used to happen pretty regularly but i thought i was getting better. i thought i was getting better and i am so scared of them going back to the way they used to be.

and like. why last night? did i subconciously not want to go back to work? had i stressed myself out over the importance of not fucking up the next day so much that it triggered a seizure? am i making them happen because i like the attention? do i like being able to say oh i'm not working at the moment because i have this disability? am i sabotaging myself on purpose? no. of course not. why would i?? this disorder has fucked up my life: took my job, took my license, took my studies, made me homeless. why would anyone do that on purpose? that makes absolutely no sense. and yet i can't help but feel like. maybe i'm just useless. maybe i did this to myself because i'm not trying hard enough. maybe i want to be like this.

i want to be normal again. i just want to be fucking normal again. please.

[sillygoofyqueer]

Hold on guys I may do something violent this is like. This. THIS. Holys. Shit. Hieh. HAH. Hoeh. I'm. Uh hold on. HEFIEHGOIWHGFHW HEOGUHEROWGJRO HI??? @artsarasp YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW I EXIST. HOW. UH. I. YOU. YOU'RE. AGH. I'M MADLY IN LOVE. WITH YOUR WORK.

[egophiliac]

do skully have pokemon?

Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.

(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)

[babacontainsmultitudes]

He's a used car salesman. He has a heart of gold. He can't parallel park. He has two gay witch italian dads. He chops the wood. He has a magical talking cat mom. He's an assassin. He isn't an assassin. He's actually the cat from earlier. He's trans (female cat to male human). He's been shot through the heart. He was in Dewar. He was not in the war. He was in Dewar. He's on his last of nine lives. He just had a marble shoved down his throat. He's even bisexual. I didn't say his name, but he popped into your head, didn't he?

[duckyjokes]

Something I need people to understand, especially able-bodied people but I've gotten this from other disabled folk as well, is that yeah I could be doing more, but oftentimes I have to choose between doing what's required of me and what's good for me.

Yeah, I probably could get all of my schoolwork done no problem, but I'm so exhausted after just going to school that doing anything more than lying in bed for a few hours would cost me. Can I physically get up? Yeah, I do when my parents demand it of me, but it's not good for me.

I've tried doing more, I've tried pushing myself to do the things that I need to get done, it just doesn't work. I'll just be even more exhausted, I'll just be in more pain, and it's not fair.

Please stop reminding me of my "potential". Please stop telling me that I'm "not trying my hardest". I know that. Sometimes my hardest is hard on me.

[irhabiya]

i think we should round up every single "journalist" who writes articles in passive voice and uses vague language to obfuscate what is happening to palestinians so much so that you can barely understand what they're even saying and shove them into an extra large human sized hydraulic press machine

[literarymerritt]

Knee deep in the Void Odyssey and you're bleeding me out, is it casual now?

Art Tumblr | Twitter

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[evilwizardval]

it's raining today is a quiet day (i forgot to post this here too)

[virtues-end]

[deoidesign]

when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this

[oneshotgremlin]

happy Friday everyone

[anghraine]

It's wild to me that I had heard of the prime Kirk/Spock content in various TOS episodes long before I saw them, but had never heard of what IMO is the shippiest moment of all thus far, in an interestingly O_o goddamn I do not want whatever you two have but you do you?? holy shit though what a moment way.

I'm of course referring to the otherwise rather mid episode "Requiem for Methuselah," in which Kirk has an underwritten love affair with a clueless woman whose various secrets have to be discovered before her inevitable death.

At one point in this relationship, her.......uh, guardian??? sort of???????? had Spock play the piano while she and Kirk waltzed, which (in-story) Spock did perfectly while somehow managing to silently exude even more intensity than usual. After the plot (and her life) were over, we end not with the usual cheerful bit of snark on the bridge that ends most episodes, but with a weary Kirk falling asleep with his head on his arms and Spock hovering not for away. McCoy exposits the last bit of detail and then goes on an unprompted and honestly pretty viciously racist speech about how Spock, unlike Kirk, will never suffer from the joys and travails of love because of his inherent lack of feeling as a Vulcan. The speech is longer than usual and just really mean-spirited as McCoy waxes rhapsodic about all the aspects of passionate true love that Spock will not and cannot experience as a Vulcan before he just leaves.

Spock then turns to look at Kirk, and now just bleeding intensity, takes a few slow, deliberate steps towards the sleeping Kirk, lays his hand against Kirk's cheek and neck, and then very obviously mind melds with the sleeping Kirk while murmuring, "Forget."

Is this healthy respectful behavior that honors Kirk's autonomy? No, obviously. Is it god-tier repressed homoerotic passion between two people who should probably just work their issues out and stop inflicting themselves on anyone else? Yes.

[akqrus]

This is ladynoir, ladynoir is this.

[thesaltyace]

Link to original video in replies.

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

stitched creator: keep Palestinians' names out of your mouth when you're trying to defend your decision for voting for Kamala--

bigzaiire: I'm starting to see a lot of these videos coming out and I feel like someone really really has to speak on it, so I'm going to. And I'm gonna tell this with all my due respect -- Palestine is not the only country that's dealing with genocide right now.

I am from Congo in case you cannot tell, I'm from Congo, okay? We are also dealing with genocide in Congo. In fact, the genocide in Congo has been going for way longer than the genocide in Palestine. The genocide in Congo has made 8 millions of victims. 8 millions.

And you might wonder, why am I making this video? Well, I am making this video because I'm going to support Vice President Kamala. 100% I'm going to. And I'm going to tell you why I'm going to support Vice President Kamala.

Listen to me. This is one of the Congolese genocide enabler. His name is Dan Getler. This guy is an Israeli billionaire who owns mines in Congo. This guy was sanctioned in 2017 by President Barack Obama for corrupt and illegal mining.

Listen very carefully. He was sanctioned by Obama. Obama is a Democrat. Okay?

This dude got reinstated. Someone gave him his money back. Someone gave him his money back. Do you know who did that?

Donald Trump.

Donald Trump gave him [Israeli billionaire Dan Getler] his money back. It was one of the very last thing he did as a president was to give this guy his money back.

And do you know who sanctioned this guy again?

President Biden.

President Biden sanctioned him again. So currently, this person [Israeli billionaire Dan Getler] does not have his money. All the money, all the illegal money he made in Congo -- he does not have it right now. Because of President Biden.

So one thing I know for sure, one thing I know for sure: Vice President Kamala, she's not going to let this guy get his money back. And another thing that I know for sure is that if Trump gets back in office, Trump is going to reinstate this guy. Trump is going to give him his money back.

How do you think Israel is getting all the money? Because of this guy. He's one of the people who are giving money is Israel. So if you want to stop this guy -- hmm? -- from getting his money back and potentially giving that money to Israel, make sure that Trump does not make it.

Now let's be real for a second. Because I feel like a lot of people don't take this part in consideration. Listen.

A lot of people have lost their jobs for supporting Palestine.

A lot of content creators got their account banned for supporting Palestine.

A lot of people got hurt physically for protesting for Palestine.

A lot of people have ruined their relations with their families and friends simply because they were on the side of Palestine.

So if you're going to tell all these people who have sacrificed so much for your cause that they are wrong for choosing a candidate who's going to preserve their rights in their own country, then I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are being both ungrateful and disingenuous.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

I desperately want to be manhandled by Sylus, thrown down atop his bed, his full massive weight pressing down on me, not an inch separating our warm bodies, his big nose buried in the crook of my neck, his hot breaths flush against my sensitive skin, his sonorous growls and grunts hitting my ear as he slowly grinds against me, his lips biting and sucking and then kissing my neck and throat, before moving on to plant kisses all over my face, while he murmurs words of praise desire and worship in his deep sultry voice...