#i'm actually fucking losing it

[ethaninthewilde]

quick mental health rant:

(cw: seizures, depression)

first seizure in two months last night. which is fine. it was bound to happen sometime. but it was the night before the first shift i'd had in over a year since they started, when they got to the point of 4 - 5 a week and I could no longer hold a job down. and i was so excited for this fucking shift. my income at the moment is incredibly tight because I haven't been able to work for a year and i'm on study benefits from the government and even just this one, maybe two shifts was going to be so incredibly helpful. i could get my wheelchair fixed. i could finish paying off that surgery. but then i ended up in the fucking ambulance again and had to tell them i couldn't work indefinitely and its just the same thing over and over again isn't it? when does it end? does it ever end? is there even a point in trying to get better when all you do is end up in the same spot?

and it was just the two. two is nothing. two could just be a small blip. but it was 55 minutes and i had to be sedated and put on oxygen and sure that to used to happen pretty regularly but i thought i was getting better. i thought i was getting better and i am so scared of them going back to the way they used to be.

and like. why last night? did i subconciously not want to go back to work? had i stressed myself out over the importance of not fucking up the next day so much that it triggered a seizure? am i making them happen because i like the attention? do i like being able to say oh i'm not working at the moment because i have this disability? am i sabotaging myself on purpose? no. of course not. why would i?? this disorder has fucked up my life: took my job, took my license, took my studies, made me homeless. why would anyone do that on purpose? that makes absolutely no sense. and yet i can't help but feel like. maybe i'm just useless. maybe i did this to myself because i'm not trying hard enough. maybe i want to be like this.

i want to be normal again. i just want to be fucking normal again. please.

[sillygoofyqueer]

Hold on guys I may do something violent this is like. This. THIS. Holys. Shit. Hieh. HAH. Hoeh. I'm. Uh hold on. HEFIEHGOIWHGFHW HEOGUHEROWGJRO HI??? @artsarasp YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW I EXIST. HOW. UH. I. YOU. YOU'RE. AGH. I'M MADLY IN LOVE. WITH YOUR WORK.

[egophiliac]

do skully have pokemon?

Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.

(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)

[babacontainsmultitudes]

He's a used car salesman. He has a heart of gold. He can't parallel park. He has two gay witch italian dads. He chops the wood. He has a magical talking cat mom. He's an assassin. He isn't an assassin. He's actually the cat from earlier. He's trans (female cat to male human). He's been shot through the heart. He was in Dewar. He was not in the war. He was in Dewar. He's on his last of nine lives. He just had a marble shoved down his throat. He's even bisexual. I didn't say his name, but he popped into your head, didn't he?

[duckyjokes]

Something I need people to understand, especially able-bodied people but I've gotten this from other disabled folk as well, is that yeah I could be doing more, but oftentimes I have to choose between doing what's required of me and what's good for me.

Yeah, I probably could get all of my schoolwork done no problem, but I'm so exhausted after just going to school that doing anything more than lying in bed for a few hours would cost me. Can I physically get up? Yeah, I do when my parents demand it of me, but it's not good for me.

I've tried doing more, I've tried pushing myself to do the things that I need to get done, it just doesn't work. I'll just be even more exhausted, I'll just be in more pain, and it's not fair.

Please stop reminding me of my "potential". Please stop telling me that I'm "not trying my hardest". I know that. Sometimes my hardest is hard on me.

[ratinf3stedwallz]

I hate car seat headrest.

[irhabiya]

i think we should round up every single "journalist" who writes articles in passive voice and uses vague language to obfuscate what is happening to palestinians so much so that you can barely understand what they're even saying and shove them into an extra large human sized hydraulic press machine

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[virtues-end]

[chronicowboy]

it's okay buddy i got you. whoa woah woah hey hey hey! we got a runner! buck! hey hey buddy, hey hey. where you going? nonono. cmon. cmon. here boy. cmon. i'm not gonna hurt you. you seen any smoke inhalation? i see nothing but wagging tails. i set up oxygen but i think you pulled them all out in time. (...) where's buck? (longing look) he went after a stray. there you are. cmon buddy. you're okay. buck, what's the status in there? the roof's going! then you should be too. (buck groaning) (dog whimpering) see? i'm just a regular guy. buck, do you copy? come on, buck! (roof explodes)

[deoidesign]

when your main characters start dating after years of writing so they finally get to be like this

[oneshotgremlin]

happy Friday everyone

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

I desperately want to be manhandled by Sylus, thrown down atop his bed, his full massive weight pressing down on me, not an inch separating our warm bodies, his big nose buried in the crook of my neck, his hot breaths flush against my sensitive skin, his sonorous growls and grunts hitting my ear as he slowly grinds against me, his lips biting and sucking and then kissing my neck and throat, before moving on to plant kisses all over my face, while he murmurs words of praise desire and worship in his deep sultry voice...

[vcrnons]

YEJI 'Air' Official Trailer

[pfhwrittes]

title: citations needed (on ao3 here) pairing: none. characters: kate laswell, john price, kyle "gaz" garrick, simon "ghost" riley, john "soap" mactavish, kate laswell's wife and kyle "gaz" garrick's mums. rating: T

word count: 1.1k

cw/tw: swearing, alcohol, texting fic, basically a crack-fic.

a/n: a series of various text conversations documenting kyle “gaz” garrick’s evening as his mum’s plus one at an academic fundraiser. my eternal love goes to @gemmahale, @stuffireadandenjoy, @syoddeye and @391780 for encouraging this utter nonsense.

[Gaz has created a new group chat: SOS CODE RED] 

Soap Suds has been added to the chat Casper the Unfriendly Ghost has been added to the chat Cap has been added to the chat Casper the Unfriendly Ghost has left the chat Soap Suds has added Casper the Unfriendly Ghost to the chat Boss Lady has been added to the chat

Gaz: SOS. EMERGENCY EXFIL REQ. IMMEDIATELY.  Cap: No - John 👍 Soap Suds: 👀 Boss Lady: It’s not that bad Kyle. 

Casper the Unfriendly Ghost has left the chat Soap Suds has added Casper the Unfriendly Ghost to the chat

Gaz: CAP I WILL DO YOUR PAPERWORK BY HAND IF YOU SEND A CAR IMMEDIATELY. Cap: No - John 👍 Soap Suds: wats going on 👀 ur maw’s thing not goin well?? Boss Lady: It seems that Kyle was unaware that my wife and I would be attending tonight’s fundraiser. Cap: And you didn’t think to tell him, Kate? - John 👍 Soap Suds: tell us more laswell 👀 🍿

–

[A private conversation between Gaz and Soap Suds] 

Soap Suds: is laswell’s wife fit?? Gaz: Not now mate.  Soap Suds: ill pay u gd money to send me a pic 🥵 Gaz: You’re sick. Soap Suds: as a dog 👅 💦 Soap Suds: please???

–

[A private conversation between MacTavish and SR] 

SR: Stop adding me to the chat you twat. 

– 

[A private conversation between JP and KL] 

JP: Send me photos of Garrick losing his mind. KL: Contact F&A and I’ll consider it.  JP: Done.  KL: Nice doing business with you John. 

–

[A private conversation between two unidentified numbers] +447******913: kate pls can i have a pci of ur wife?? +447******913: *pic Withheld Number: No. 

+447******913 has been blocked

–

[Group chat: SOS CODE RED] Soap Suds: send us a pic of u n ur maw gaz Gaz: No. Cap: No - John 👍 Boss Lady: No. 

Casper the Unfriendly Ghost has removed Soap Suds from the chat

Cap: Thank you Simon - John 👍

–

[A private conversation between Kyle and Mama] 

Kyle: Why didn’t you say Kate and her wife would be here?! Mama: Shit. Don’t let your mum get into the red wine. Xx Kyle: Bit late for that!  Mama: LOL. Xx Mama: Good Luck! Xx

–

[A private conversation between KL and JP] JP: How’s it going? KL: Remember Marrakech?  JP: Bloody hell.

–

[A private conversation between Gaz and Soap Suds] Soap Suds: add me back to the chat 🥺 Gaz: Busy.  Soap Suds: please 🥺

–

[A private conversation between MacTavish and SR]  MacTavish: add me back to the chat 🥺 MacTavish: please 🥺

–

[A private conversation between JM and JP]  JM: add me back to the chat 🥺 JM: please 🥺 JP: Never send me that face again  - John 👍 JM: 🥺 JM: will u at least tell laswell to unblock me??

–

[Group chat: SOS CODE RED]  Cap has added Soap Suds to the chat

Cap: Sorry Kate. Lesser of two evils  - John 👍

Casper the Unfriendly Ghost has left the chat Soap Suds has added Casper the Unfriendly Ghost to the chat Casper the Unfriendly Ghost has left the chat Soap Suds has added Casper the Unfriendly Ghost to the chat

Boss Lady: Boys. Enough. 

Casper the Unfriendly Ghost: 👍 Soap Suds: sorry kate 🥺 Boss Lady: Never send me that face again.  Cap: LOL - John 👍

–

[A private conversation between JP and KL] KL: Really John? 

–

[A private conversation between MacTavish and SR]  SR: Pack it in you dozy cunt.  MacTavish: make me 😘

–

[Group chat: SOS CODE RED] Boss Lady: [Sent a picture of Gaz standing between two women with an uncomfortable expression on his face holding two empty glasses as they glare at each other] 

Soap Suds: 🥵🥵🥵 Boss Lady: ����  Soap Suds: i was talking about gaz!! Cap: Everyone looks very nice - John 👍

–

[A private conversation between Gaz and Soap Suds]  Soap Suds: mate 🥵

Gaz has blocked Soap Suds

–

[Group chat: SOS CODE RED] Boss Lady: Gaz, location.  Gaz: Seated at the table. Lost visual on Mum.  Gaz: You?  Boss Lady: Bar. Also lost visual.  Gaz: Shit.  Boss Lady: Call me.  Soap Suds: 👀

–

[A private conversation between KG and KL] KG: Sorry signal is shit. Update?  KL: Visual contact confirmed. They’re talking to the head of the department.  KG: Together?  KL: Yes.  KG: … The bald guy?  KL: Affirmative.  KG: Are you still at the bar?  KL: I’ve ordered tequila.  KG: Order me a shot.  KG: Please. KL: Already waiting for you.  KG: You’re the best, Kate.  KL: I know. 

–

[Group chat: SOS CODE RED]  Gaz: [Sent a voice note where two distinct voices, one American and one English, can be heard agreeing with each other at volume as another third voice attempts to interrupt them. The English voice can clearly be heard to say “Oh, do fuck off Richard!” before the voice note ends.] 

Gaz: Shit. Didn’t mean to send that.  Soap Suds: kate is that you??🥵 Boss Lady: No.  Cap: No - John 👍 Soap Suds: mrs laswell???  Casper the Unfriendly Ghost: Professor Laswell you twat.  Boss Lady: Thank you Simon. Casper the Unfriendly Ghost: 👍

–

[A private conversation between Wife ❤️ and Love Of My Life 💛]  Wife ❤️: Are you having fun, Darling? Xx

Love Of My Life 💛: [Sent a slightly blurry self taken photo of four people, three women and one young man, seated around a small round table. There are numerous empty glasses on the table in front of the quartet. Kyle is smiling with his face pressed close to an older woman who shares his same dark eyes. Kate is facing the camera but her eyes are directed towards the woman resting her head on her shoulder. Kate has a tiny smile on her face.] 

Wife ❤️: I can’t wait for you to come home. Xx

–

[A private conversation between Kyle and Mama] 

Mama: Time to cut your Mum off LOL. Xx Kyle: [Sent a slightly blurry photo of two full shot glasses] Mama: Time to cut YOU off. Xx

–

[A private conversation between Kate and S. Garrick] 

S. Garrick: [Forwarded a photo] S. Garrick: You all look lovely Kate. Xx Kate: Thank you. Brunch tomorrow?  S. Garrick: Absolutely. Xx

–

[A private conversation between KL and JP] 

KL: [Sent a photo of Kyle with his head in his hands]  JP: The Christmas 2008 story?  KL: Yep.  JP: Brilliant. 

–

[Group chat: SOS CODE RED] 

Gaz: [Sent a self taken picture of a woman with a wide but slightly tired smile on her face. In the background Kyle can be seen resting his head on the table, possibly asleep. Over her shoulder a pair of women are slightly blurred as Kate helps her wife wrap a pashmina around her shoulders] 

Gaz: Exfil requested? X

Cap: Of course - John 👍 Soap Suds: ur lookin very bonnie mrs garrick😘 Casper the Unfriendly Ghost: ETA 5 minutes. Will give you a hand with him.  Cap: Good lad  - John 👍 Gaz: Thank you sweetheart X

[caramelvogel]

what do you mean they replaced the swords with guns in the orv la??? where did they even get them, what is this america??? orv la starring daniel kim and justin yoo.