#i'm 38 years old and i had nightmares

[invisiblefoxfire]

Tumblr: Those Animorphs books are fucking hardcore.

Me: Animorphs? Those books with the creepy covers I never read as a kid cause I thought they looked dumb as hell?

Tumblr: Fucking. Hardcore.

Me: Well I don't have any money to waste on random kids' books from my childhood and the libraries in this country don't have English-language YA so—

Tumblr: Author put all the books up for free download.

Me: [sigh] FINE. They're very short, I'll give one a try.

[after reading book 1]

Me: they let fucking CHILDREN READ THIS what the fuck oh WHAT the fuCCK

[neamamhmd9]

Save My Family From the war nightmare in Gaza

Hello My name is Neama, I'm 24 years old and I'm trying to save my family from the war. I used to work for the medical staff and help treat patients and children through my profession as a medical analysis specialist. We are the ones who separate doubt and certainty, but the occupation came and we were displaced. Because of this harsh war, I couldn't continue my profession of helping and saving children, and this saddens me.

My father, Mohammed, is 69 years old, and my mother, Amal, is 60 years old. We are a family of 7 (Ahmed, 32 years old, Alaa, 36 years old, Mariam, 27 years old, Ne’ma, 24 years old, Mahmoud, 22 years old) and the family of my widowed sister, 38 years old, who has four orphaned children (Tulin, 10 years old, Obaida, 9 years old, Laith, 6 years old, Ghaith, 5 years old). We lived a life full of happiness. We had dreams that were shattered by the barbaric Israeli attack that does not differentiate between young and old. After our house was completely destroyed, we were displaced to the southern Gaza Strip in search of a safe life, but this enemy does not differentiate at all and targets us in the shelter tents and their harsh conditions of extreme heat, lack of privacy, abundance of insects, and scarcity of water and food. We are now suffering from famine because of this war.

My father, Mohammed, suffers from a chronic disease (chronic pulmonary obstruction and difficulty breathing), and his condition has deteriorated, making him depend on oxygen tubes. One of my sisters has special needs (quadriplegia), while my other sister is a widow with four orphaned children and suffers from a chronic illness (ulcerative colitis)

You can contribute in any way you see fit to move my family out of Gaza to get the necessary medical treatment and live in a safe environment, every effort creates a useful impact and contributes to making a real difference. Through financial donations, you can contribute any amount you see fit, whether small or large, via the link or share it with your friends and anyone who can help us

Thank you very much for your humanity and standing with us. We hope that the war will end and peace will prevail in the world. Thank you all in advance for your support. May God protect and bless us all

https://gofund.me/5c9c46ba

[cenorii]

A little theory about birthdays

I'm bored, so it's time to share my silly thoughts about when Chris, Jill and Wesker's birthdays are. The exact date of birth of Resident Evil characters has never been officially stated, but thanks to information from the games, assumptions can be made.

Be careful, there are a lot of numbers here that you can get confused about. So take your time reading this article.

So, what do we know? Officially, in re1 (1998), Chris is 25 years old, and Wesker is 38. And Jill, btw, is 23 years old. Officially, their birth years are: 1973, 1960 and 1974 (date from her grave). Let's remember these dates, they will be very useful to us ahead.

I won't use Jill's age confusion from re5 because she has the wrong dates there.

And also I won't take Chris' age info from re1, because it was already changed in re5, and now the old info contradicts the new info. Example: he is 32 years old in August-September 2006 instead of 33 because his birthday is not yet due, but he WAS 25 years old in July 1998. This is a contradiction that I will ignore. Therefore, I will calculate Jill's birthday by re1-re3, Chris's by re5, and Wesker's by re1 and re5.

Let's start with Jill.

Jill has 1974 listed, although based on her age (23) in re1-re3, it should be 1975. I tend to assume that she just hasn't had a birthday yet, so she hasn't had time to turn 24 yet. The events of re1-re3 take place between July and October, so her birthday must be after. Probably from October to December.

Now Chris.

Chris's age in re5 (2009) is 35 years old. However, 1973-35=1974, not 1973. This means that in re5 he is a year younger than he should be. It also means that it is his birthday this year, and that he has yet to turn 36. The events of re5 take place in March, so his birthday could be anytime between March 8 and December 31. However… let's remember Lost in Nightmares, the events of that DLC take place (presumably) in late August or early September 2006. It states that Chris is 32 years old, which again doesn't ring true, he should be 33. This means that even at the time of August-September, Chris still didn't have a birthday, meaning that the interval has shortened, and that his birthday could actually be from September to December.

Wesker.

He is officially 48 years old in re5 (2009). But Wesker was born in 1960, which means… 2009-1960=49. His birthday hasn't had time to come yet either. However, in July 1998, he had already managed to turn 38, so that means his birthday is between March and July.

Result: Chris's official birthday is from September to December, Jill's is from October to December, and Wesker's is from March to July.

[nekrosdolly]

father's friend (18+)

you are just what he doesn't need.

cw; afab reader, reader in a skirt, dad's friend wesker, major age gap (14-17 years), fingering, degradation, implied multiple orgasms, reader is a little naive and wesker eats that up, predatory almost???, inappropriate use of mirrors, daddy kink if you squint (get a microscope)

terms of endearment; dear (reader receives)

a/n; i don't know how this became what it did bc this was supposed to be fluff. if you'd like the fluff version, i'm more than happy to provide that, just let me know!

when albert wesker pictured his life, he saw greatness. he'd dreamt of sanitizing the world with uroboros, his pet project of years would finally come to fruition. the world would be the perfect place, full of the superior and cleansed of the lesser. his dreams realized.

what he didn't anticipate, however, was you.

you, who came into his life when he was 38 years old, fresh off the high of the mansion incident. mostly human, partially not. he'd changed his clothes- only black attire from that point forward- and kept a low profile because he should be dead, but he's not. with no body to find, they gave up on the search only months later. he'd slid under the radar with a new identity and relocated across the country to some small town on the east coast.

at the time, you were in your early twenties. maybe 24, 21 at the youngest. you were youthful and so sweet, painfully naive and lacking experience of life's true cruelties. without scars that held stories to be told, or nightmares that took hold of you in the night.

unmarked. untainted. flawless. you.

and you hadn't meant to draw his attention. you, the child of his best friend. oh, you were tempting. how whenever he was over, you'd greet him with a little "hi mr. wesker" despite him telling you over and over to call him albert.

he hung around your father because he was an operative of umbrella as well, and albert needed connections. you were quick to teach about certain things, your doe eyes drawn to him whenever he merely breathed. like you were waiting for something.

naturally, you'd maintained a healthy distance for a long time. the routine you two had whenever he'd stop by- almost daily- the greeting, the glances, the lingering, subtle touches on each other's arms, shoulders, backs, wherever you had access to that wouldn't draw immediate attention.

your father never noticed. not as he fell asleep on the couch one night. not when albert ensured the roofie he'd given your father had settled, then snuck up into your room after.

not now, as he has you on his lap, your legs spread wide, your skirt lifted up so he can rub your clit. he forces you to watch in the mirror, your back pressed against his chest, as he pushes your panties aside and sinks two long fingers inside of you. forces you to watch, his other hand gripping your jaw to keep your head still.

"you're a whore," he murmurs in your ear, "such a filthy fucking whore. you think you can tease me and get away with it, hm?"

"n-no, i'm sorry." you whimper, his fingers curling inside your weeping entrance. you're making a mess of yourself and his hand.

"mm, i don't think you are, dear. you're so wet, i bet you've been thinking about this for a while now, right? imagining daddy's friend splitting you open, ruining your perfect cunt." you should be embarrassed that he's got you down to a science, but his words make you squeeze around his fingers. you nod, much to his satisfaction, and he chuckles quietly. it reverberates in his chest and you relish the way it feels, wondering if you'll ever get to be more than just his secret.

"you're never going to get this from anyone else, you know that, don't you? nobody else will ever make you feel the way i feel." you're dumb from just his fingers, but you can't help that they're just what you wanted. the pads of his index and middle finger brush the spongy spot on your walls, making you cry out and writhe in his arms. your thighs try to squeeze shut but he lets go of your face to force them back open.

"t-too much-"

"shut up and take it. this is what you wanted, so why the hell are you complaining you ungrateful brat?" he hisses, focusing on that spot. with the way the heel of his hand is palming your clit, his fingers buried so deep inside you, you're cumming within moments. you're loud even if you don't mean to be, especially as he continues finger-fucking you after your orgasm.

"please- no more, i-i can't-" you whine, trying your hardest to move away from him, but he's got you tight in his grasp.

"you can, and you will. you don't have a choice. you'll cum as much as i want you to." he kisses your temple, the first sign of mercy he's shown you all night, and then slips a third finger in. you're weak to him, the same way he's weak to you.

[jirlshi]

wait so, what is the age order of the bone heads? Or atlesst how would you order them?

THIS IS A HARD QUESTION

Some of the guys doesn't have an official year-of-death/year-of-birth/period-when-they-lived, or even their current age, but I have some "official" info

Daniel - He's the one with a specific year of birth and death (1254-1286), with simple math he lived till 32 and has been dead for 738 years, a total of 770 years till this day

Lewis - In his wiki says he died at 21, the first Mystery Skull shorts doesn't specify in which period of time everything happened, but probably he just been down there a couple of years

Manolo - In the events of the movie he had 19, and he had kids at 22, at least from his wiki, I didn't find what period of time was when it developed the events of the movie, but based of the dialogue of Manolo's cousins, they fought in the mexican revolution and won, between 1910-1917, so probably the events of the movie happened after that, so he can't have more than 126 years, counting living and dead ones

Brook - We know he died at 38 and actually in the manga he has 90, the only thing is that the manga probably isn't in an modern era, I don't know in which period of time One Piece is inspired, so that's unknown

Jack - Doesn't have an official age, probably older than 20-30, also it isn't specified in which year the events of nightmare before chritsmas happened, if we take the year of the movie, near the 90's as the times of the events, then Jack could be between his 40-50

Manny - This is a tricky one, we don't know the age of Manny, even if the events looked like it happened near the 40's or 50's (Grim Fandango's second years is VERY inspired in the movie Casablanca, the events of that movie are in the middle of the WW2, so is very probably that hapenned in those years) we don't know if Manny is older than that. There's a reference in the click and point game Monkey Island and there's Manny with a pin that says "Ask me about Grim Fandango", this could be a simple reference or maybe Manny is HELLA OLD

This is the information I could gathered, you can do your own order of age, cause for now I'm not sure what to believe, if anyone knows some extra info I would appreciate it 😅

[matan4il]

Daily update post:

This is Yonatan Shimriz. He's the brother of Alon, one of the 3 Israeli hostages kidnapped by Hamas, and accidentally killed by the IDF due to mistakenly thinking they're terrorists. Yonatan also survived with his family the massacre of Oct 7. And he just had a baby boy. Life WILL win, despite those who think they have the right to take it away.

It's been announced today that Israel has hired Prof. Malcolm Shaw, a Jewish British law professor, who specializes in the field of human rights and territorial disputes, to represent it at the International Court of Justice in the Hague. He's one of 4 lawyers that will represent Israel.

If I hadn't verified this is true through several news sources, I would not have believed this scenario. Terrorists fired an RPG at an IDF helicopter in Gaza, missed it, and ended up hitting a medical clinic in kibbutz Nirim, inside Israel, though as you might imagine, it's very close to the border. This is what the clinic looks like after the hit:

Lebanon has filed a complaint with the UN Security Council, blaming Israel for killing Saleh al-Arouri on its territory. Because harboring a senior Hamas terrorist, responsible for the murders of countless Israeli civilians, is not an issue, apparently. Lebanon charges that this is the biggest escalation between it and Israel since 2006 (the Second Lebanon War). They have no issue with Lebanon violating UN resolution 1701, which put an end to that war, conditioned on Hezbollah not being present anywhere between the Litani river and Lebanon's border with Israel (of course Hezbollah has been, and has been firing rockets at Israel from this area). Then again, the UN has done nothing to enforce that part of resolution 1701, so I guess if they don't care, why should the terrorists?

After I posted yesterday that the most likely scenario for who caused the blasts in Iran that killed 84 people is ISIS, the terrorist organization did take responsibility for the terrorist attack. Guess who Iran is still blaming for the attack, and swearing revenge against? The Jewish state. This is what antisemitism looks like. Well. It's one of its many looks.

On a different note, I wanted to see what the American media said about Claudine Gay's resignation, and I was horrified to hear that it's all painted in terms of liberals vs conservatives. Here's the thing, that may be completely true, but I just don't care. Antisemitism is a real issue, and the way the resignation is talked about, it's like the safety of Jewish students is nothing. Antisemitism is just a tool, and sometimes one political camp uses it against its rival, while at other times, that happens in the opposite direction. But it's like Jews are not even a part of the conversation. IDK, maybe it's because I'm an outsider, but the way Jews don't seem to matter even when antisemitism is supposedly finally being discussed, is truly startling. I'm in the middle of an active war zone, and I'm honestly sat here, worried for Jews abroad.

After a lot of work to gather information about their fate, the last 3 Israeli men missing since Oct 7 are now defined as hostages, which brings the total number of those kidnapped to 136, including bodies, and Israelis kidnapped before the massacre (2 living men and 2 bodies). There's one more missing Israeli woman, whose fate is still to be determined. We're 3 months into this nightmare, and there are still so many question marks. Even with those defined as murdered or kidnapped at a certain point, we've seen that sometimes there's new info, which changes what we believe happened to them.

And here's an example for the latter. This is 38 years old Tamir Adar.

Until yesterday, he was believed to be held hostage in Gaza. As new information was gathered, it was determined that he had been murdered on Oct 7. Tamir is the grandson of Holocaust survivor Yafa Adar, who was herself kidnapped, and released in the hostage deal. His body is still being held by the terrorists. Yafa herself was filmed as she was being taken to Gaza, holding her head up, and not crying. In an interview she gave after her release, she said that she refused to cry, because she wanted her family to be proud of her if they saw the footage. She also said that she's still not free, because her grandson is still in Gaza. I can't imagine what Yafa and her family feel after the news about Tamir's fate. May his memory be a blessing.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

I'm sorry but, 38 for Corunir?

isolation/loneliness/friendless

hi :) it is late (at night) but i have bullied corunir again <3

He knows like the people of Aughaire know not to enter old, abandoned barrows. He knows like the Dúnedain know that even at need you don't do so alone. So he does not enter the old tomb that draws his eye some days when he leaves the village, and does not turn that way when he thinks he hears voices calling, and does not fall under the deep spells of Nightmare. 

But that is not to say he avoids his touch.

He didn’t visit the Watchers today. It’s been months since he last had any desire to. This was no more than a foraging trip, a normal, routine thing he’s done a hundred times the last few years here. He passes beneath a ridge where an old tomb waits, and looks up only at the chill, sharp wind that comes down from the heights. He returns to Aughaire, and that night dreams of things he remembers only in flashes.

(He remembers they were gone.)

(He remembers he was alone.)

In time, he puts them together, the wind that blows every time he comes this way and the things in the hills and the restless nights that follow. It doesn't change much; there are useful roots that grow in the shadows of the cliffs early in the springtime, and places with far worse than unquiet sleep to offer in exchange.

(He dreams they’re crossing Malenhad again. (That one’s not unusual.))

(He dreams that no one makes it out. (Neither is that.))

He wakes with an empty, heavy pit behind his heart. (Neither is that.) He curls around himself on his side, hugging his arms to his chest as if it will ease the old ache there. There were the Watchers and there were the bodies and there he was alone. They all went away and as he was asked he stayed behind. None of them have returned and none of them will and there is only him, alone, in a little village at the edge of Angmar. (But that part was new, the empty village. He hasn’t dreamt Aughaire abandoned yet.)

He can only blame so much of it on the cold wind from the hills. It’s no great feat to remind him that he’s lonely, even with the friendship of the Trév Gállorg, and it’s far too easy to imagine the few who escaped the dread wall lying beside those who did not. There’s nothing for it but to get up in the morning one more time and hope that maybe today will be the one that someone comes back.

[jinx-blackout-84]

hi jinx!! for the ask game, 12, 34, 38, and 68 :D

12: yep, pretty consistently. My insomnia gets really bad during my depressive episodes and I recently had a pretty bad one for about 8 months which is why I wasn't on Tumblr for a long time, but making my goodnight posts is a way to cope with that and try to recover. I can't make a goodnight post if I don't sleep, and I like making them bc they make ppl happy!

34: okay so I'm assuming this is not about nightmares, because it said dreams, so here I go. Also I have a dream journal so this one's gonna be a long answer.

I was at a sleepover summer camp and it was the middle of summer. It was a church camp, more specifically, bc my mom is still trying to pray the gay away which is fun (she dosent even know I'm a boy yet just that I'm bi)

One notable thing about this camp is that I'm forced to go every year, so I spend most of my time at the concessions or the communal ping-pong area. It's got walls and a roof, but also is open air bevause the windows have no glass. It's my favorite place in the whole camp.

Because I am still (unfortunately) fem-presenting, people tend to assume I don't know what I'm doing. I look to be about 12, too if that helps paint the picture. (I am most definitely not 12, just VERY short for my age) which means that 16 or 17 year old guys will normally pity-play me if I ask nicely enough.

I am VERY good at ping-pong however, and would consider it to be a skill of mine (I've been forced to go to this camp for over 8 years now, and while my friends were going on icee dates, I was dominaring the ping-pong tournaments.) So I mostly hang around there bc it's fun to screw with the older douchebag Christian guys who think they're better than me because they own a tractor.

So anyways, the dream starts with me walking back from a Bible lesson. After Bible lessons, we get free time, so I make a beeline for the ping-pong area, which is called the Ping-Pong Palace.

I walk in and grab a pin-pong ball out of my bag, which is full of ping-pong balls because I steal them put of the ping-pong ball bowl when nobody is looking (you're supposed to pay 25 cents for them, but no way in hell am I giving money to a church camp)

I begin to scope out a target. I find an older guy (probably 17 or 18) with a mullet. Bingo. I watch him play his friend for the rest of their game, and afterwards walk up to him. I ask him if he would play me, to which he says yes. I toss him the ping pong ball. We're serving fives, three faulties. The nets are a little higher than usual, which had been his Achilles heel the whole game because he had a low serve.

I give him first serve. He looks bored, and before we start the game, I tell him not to go easy on me. He serves easy. I hit it back. We volley for a while as he becomes increasingly more panicked.

I go for the killshot. It goes off the edge and I celebrate. His next serve is a real serve that wpuld be hard to hit off of if I wasn't good at ping-pong. We continue like this for a while and I win by a lot, I can't remember the score. He leaves, going over to his friend and pointing at me.

I'm looking for a new target and I see them. They are the most gorgeous person I have ever seen. They are gender envy personified. Short cut-black hair, shaved on the sides and curly on top. Fairy prince cheekbones and dark blue eyes. Vampire pale and eyeliner with mascara making their eyes seem to take up their entire face. They're wearing a Marron hoodie and black sweatpants. Vans to go with it.

They walk over to me, holding a ping-pong paddle. They smile and ask me to play them. I asm what rules they want to play by and they smile at me "serving fives and three faulties, table end rule. No overhand one bounce"

I am shocked. Those are my rules. The same ones I always play by. How did they know my rules?

The game starts. Their skill outmatches mine, shocking me. I begin to lose. I start to notice that they look really familiar. I end up losing badly.

I congratulate them and inform them that nobody has beat me in ping-pong in a while.

"I know," they say.

I ask for their name. Their reply? My name. The name that will be my dead name someday.

"But you can call me Jinx." I woke up after that.

Some of this has much more detail that the dream did, but I wanted to write it fancy soooo...

38: No. I had a huge depressive episode for the better part of this year and it's just been a rough time. Things are looking up though, so we'll see about next year :)

68: my IRL friend (and lovely beta reader) we talked about morality and how trauma can affect people. And about if there are any people that are truly bad. I was pretty cynical about the last subject, whereas she was willing to extend more grace. It was a very interesting and intellectually stimulating conversation. Really enjoyed it.

[newnewz]

'Tragic human error' caused Greece's worst train crash: PM

"Everything shows that the drama was, sadly, mainly due to a tragic human error," Greek prime minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis said in a televised address.

Greek Prime Minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis on Wednesday said a "tragic human error" was likely responsible for a train collision that has left at least 38 dead in the country's worst rail tragedy.

Two carriages were crushed and a third engulfed in fire when a passenger train and a freight train late Tuesday collided near the central city of Larissa, on a route plagued by years of safety warnings.

The fire department had earlier increased the death toll to 38, adding that 57 people were still hospitalised, six of them in intensive care, while several were missing.

"Everything shows that the drama was, sadly, mainly due to a tragic human error," Mitsotakis -- who is seeking re-election this year -- said in a televised address.

He said it was a "terrible train accident without precedent" in Greece which would be "fully" investigated.

"I've never seen anything like this in my entire life," said one rescue worker, emerging from the wreckage. "It's tragic. Five hours later, we are finding bodies."

The accident left a tangled mess of metal and shattered glass in a field.

In some cases, passengers are being identified from body parts, volunteer fireman Vassilis Iliopoulos told Skai TV, warning that the death toll would rise.

Seventeen biological samples have been collected from remains, and from 23 relatives seeking a match, the police said.

"It was the train of terror," Pavlos Aslanidis, whose son is missing along with a friend, told reporters.

Greece's transport minister submitted his resignation just hours after the accident.

"When something so tragic happens, we cannot continue as if nothing had happened," Kostas Karamanlis said in a public statement.

On Wednesday evening, police in the capital Athens fired tear gas at protesters throwing rocks at the offices of the railway's operating company, Hellenic Train.

The passenger train, carrying more than 350 people, had been travelling from Athens to the northern city of Thessaloniki.

The 59-year-old station master of Larissa was arrested several hours after the accident and charged with negligent homicide.

Government spokesman Yiannis Economou said the two trains were left running on the same track for "several kilometres".

But train unionists said the station master was likely a scapegoat as the safety shortcomings of the Athens-Thessaloniki railway line had been known for years.

In an open letter in February, train staff said track safety systems were incomplete and poorly maintained.

A safety supervisor had resigned last year, warning that infrastructure upgrades pending since 2016 were incomplete and that train speeds of up to 200 kilometres (124 miles) an hour were unsafe.

The president of the train drivers' union Kostas Genidounias told AFP from the scene that the accident "would have been avoided if the safety systems were working".

'Complete panic'

Health Minister Thanos Plevris said most passengers were "young people", with the train carrying many students returning to Thessaloniki after a long holiday weekend.

"It was a nightmare... I'm still shaking," 22-year-old passenger Angelos told AFP.

"Fortunately we were in the penultimate car and we got out alive. There was a fire in the first cars and complete panic.

"The collision was like a huge earthquake."

"I was stained with blood from other people who were injured near me," a passenger named Lazos told the newspaper Proto Thema.

Some 150 firefighters and 40 ambulances were mobilised for the response, according to Greek emergency services.

Crews were still struggling to lift one of the smashed carriages, lying on its side, to enable a search inside, Iliopoulos said.

"My thoughts are with the people in Greece this morning," tweeted the head of the European Council, Charles Michel.

"Shocked by the news and images of the collision of the two trains," he added.

Neighbouring Albania, Italy, Serbia and Turkey were among states to send condolences, as did China, the United States, France, Russia, Ukraine, Germany, and the Vatican.

Nicosia said two Cypriots were among the missing.

'Windows exploded'

On the local media site Onlarissa, a young woman said that the train "was stopped for a few minutes when we heard a deafening noise".

Another passenger told Skai TV that "the windows suddenly exploded. People were screaming."

"Fortunately, we were able to open the doors and escape fairly quickly. In other wagons, they did not manage to get out, and one wagon even caught fire," he added.

Authorities have declared three days of national mourning.

[riality-check]

I posted 6,403 times in 2022

103 posts created (2%)

6,300 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bundibird

@patisserieblu

@runningwolfpup

@hotcocoaharrington

I tagged 893 of my posts in 2022

#asked and answered - 53 posts

#eddie munson - 50 posts

#steve harrington - 48 posts

#moon knight - 45 posts

#stranger things - 43 posts

#steddie - 38 posts

#ria writes - 37 posts

#in the tags - 37 posts

#moon knight spoilers - 27 posts

#ria recommends - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#sorry for yelling but i'm feeling a little bit (a fucking lot) bruised by the bullshit of the traumatic tragic ending shit rn

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The first time Eddie needs an ambulance, he’s just trying to make his brain quiet.

It’s so loud, all the time, and between his memories and vivid nightmares of the Upside Down, he misses silence more than anything. Music isn’t enough to drown it out, no matter how much he cranks up his stereo or his amp. People work fine. As long as he’s talking to or listening to someone, it’s fine. The whole party has been a big help. Dustin, Wayne, and especially Steve help the most.

But they’re not always there. They grow up, move away, and have their own lives. And even though Steve is his boyfriend, and they live together, it’s unrealistic to always expect him to be there, too.

He’s got his own shit going on. He doesn’t need Eddie’s on top of that. Eddie ignores the fact that he will always help Steve.

So, because music doesn’t work and people aren’t there, alcohol is a wonderful thing.

Eddie usually tracks his drinks. He does. But it’s the anniversary of the whole shitshow, and the nightmares are worse and he had a fucking flashback this morning because of the lights. He hasn’t had those for months.

He just needs some goddamn quiet.

He remembers throwing up on the kitchen floor, too sick to make it to the bathroom.

And then he wakes up in a hospital bed, feeling like death reheated.

(He knows, intimately, what that feels like.)

Steve is crying beside him, and Eddie just thinks back to his ten year old self, the little stringbean kid who had to make the call and tried to clean up the vomit before the EMTs got there, and he swears to himself, Never again.

The second time Eddie needs an ambulance, he just got carried away.

It’s too easy, with the clubs he plays in. It’s too easy to lose track of the drinks audience members offer him. It’s even easier to do a line because what the hell, it’s just one.

It’s easy because he and Steve have been fighting. A lot. Steve started drinking more than usual, and Eddie’s been trying to get him to stop. Steve says he’s hypocritical, that Eddie didn’t take rehab seriously because he still keeps beer in the house.

He didn’t think he needed to quit completely; he just needed to get it under control.

He’s aware of the fact that he’s been out of control all night. He’s crossed to hell and back, but he takes another shot.

Steve stayed home because he was sick. Eddie stumbles inside and can’t even close the front door before he’s on the ground.

He hates that he knows what charcoal tastes like now.

The third time Eddie needs an ambulance, he’s scared shitless.

Steve keeps talking about family. About having kids. Eddie looks at the chip on the kitchen counter and can’t help but think, How old would the kid be before I had to explain that to them?

Every answer he comes up with is too young.

Eddie is scared shitless because he knows, he knows that he’ll be just like his parents. He knows that he’ll end up a deadbeat, a drag on both Steve and that kid, and he won’t do that to them.

He thinks about being six years old and being left alone for days at a time. After the first time, he always made sure the cereal was in a spot where he could reach it.

He thinks about being eight years old and cooking for his parents, not the other way around. He had to use a step stool to reach the stove.

He thinks about being ten years old and calling the ambulance because his mama was on the ground again, and this time his pa was out, too.

Eddie will not do that to this kid, and he won’t do it to Steve.

He thinks about an article he read a few months ago. Some new study came out, saying that addiction is genetic.

Figures that’s the part of them I carry with me, he thinks right before his mind slips into nothing.

He wakes up in the hospital again. He’s starting to wish he wouldn’t wake up at all.

The fourth time Eddie needs an ambulance is the first time he’s alone.

See the full post

1,036 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

#4

i have once again been inspired by a tweet! have fun with this, and i’m only half sorry for continually putting steve through angst.

Since the "earthquake," Wayne has gotten a little suspicious of knocks on the door. Eddie doesn't knock since he's got a key. Anyone else who wants to make a visit comes with one of them. Knocks are unexpected, and since his boy got called a satanist and a murderer, Wayne ain't too keen on unexpected visitors. 

There's a knock on the door. 

Wayne doesn't look out the window before he opens it. He just gets up, makes sure his shotgun is nearby, and cracks the door open. 

What the hell is Steve Harrington doing in the trailer park? he thinks. 

It's night out and the porch lightbulb goes in and out, but Wayne sees Steve's messy hair and his split lip. He cracks the door open a little more and sees that he's got a black eye, too. 

Shit. 

"Is, um, is Eddie home?" Steve asks. 

No hello, sir or excuse me or anything of the sort. Not that Wayne really cares for pleasantries, but he would have expected them from Dick Harrington's son. 

He decides to throw his expectations out the window. "No, he's at band practice. He'll be back in an hour or so." 

Steve just stares for a minute. "It's Wednesday, isn't it?" 

"Yep." 

He closes his eyes and sighs. "I thought it was Tuesday. Sorry to bother you." 

He turns to leave, and that's when Wayne spots the bag on his shoulder. 

He thinks about how Eddie showed up years ago with a backpack and a jacket and greasy hair. He thinks about how Harrington is here with a backpack and bruises and a tired look in his eyes. 

"Come in," he says. 

 Steve stops in his tracks. "What?" 

"Come in," Wayne repeats. "You can wait here for him." 

"It's fine-" 

"Where else are you gonna go?" Wayne remembers asking a much younger Eddie the same question when he first showed up. Now, just like then, he doesn't think the answer is home. 

Steve pauses. Opens his mouth. Closes it again. Says, "Joyce Byers's." 

"That's across town. I don't think you should be driving in this state." 

Steve considers it for a moment before he walks in. 

Wayne's already taken in a kid. He figures he might as well grab another one while he's at it.

Part 2!!

1,261 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

#3

Steve didn’t think he could fall more in love with Eddie. Hell, there were so many days where his heart felt too big for his chest, when he thought love would crack his body open and spill out for the world to see.

It’s such a good feeling.

He should stop being surprised by Eddie after all these years, but Steve can’t really help it. He’s still falling in love with him.

He isn’t even in the same room as him. He’s in the living room, grinning like an idiot and listening to Eddie sing to their daughter. 

It’s not even a good song. It’s fucking Old McDonald because their kid is a year old and starting to learn real words. Time fucking flies when you’re a parent, Steve has discovered. He remembers the day they got her like it was yesterday.

“Old McDonald had a farm,” Eddie sings, then he waits.

“Yayayayo,” Cora babbles back.

Steve smiles so hard, he feels like his face is gonna split open.

“And on his farm, he had a...”

“Dut.”

“Duck,” Eddie says, and Steve can hear the smile in his voice. “Eieio.”

Steve listens as Eddie sings the song, listens to Cora babble along. Listens to her mimic the drawl that comes out whenever Eddie sings to her.

“Yayayayo,” Cora finishes the song, then demands, “gen.”

“No can do, sugarplum,” Eddie says, drawl still there. Steve tries not to melt in the middle of the hall. “It’s bedtime.”

“Gen,” Cora says. Steve can see her little pout perfectly in his head.

Eddie sighs. “You gotta learn when to quit.”

“No,” Cora says. It’s her favorite word. 

Steve, still sitting on the couch, muffles his laugh.

“You get that from your dad,” Eddie says, and then he starts the song up again.

Steve listens to Eddie, listens to the way he talks and sings only when he’s at home with them. It’s sweet like sugar - which is what Eddie calls Steve when he’s feeling particularly sweet.

Steve knows where it all comes from. Eddie told him how it, the way his mom and dad talked, comes out when he’s singing to Cora. How he lets it stick around for a while, breaking the habit of trying to sound like he was born and raised in Hawkins. Even if Steve sometimes makes fun of the way he’ll say “supper” instead of “dinner” or puts an extra syllable before words, he loves it.

He stays in the living room as long as he can, listening to Eddie sing soft and sweet. He savors the moment like sugar on his tongue.

“She’s down,” Eddie whispers, coming into the living room. “There’s gotta be an easier way to do that.”

Steve smiles at the way Eddie hasn’t fixed his voice yet. “Maybe she likes hearing you sing.”

“Like you do?” Eddie teases.

“Like I do,” Steve confirms. 

Eddie kisses him, soft and sweet just like his singing. When they break apart, he whispers, “Bed, darlin’?”

“Sounds good to me if you come with.”

“Always will,” Eddie says.

Yeah. Steve likes this Eddie, too. The soft and sweet one only he gets to hear.

1,691 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#2

inspired by this tweet, and here’s part 1 if you haven’t seen it yet!

Sure enough, Eddie lets the door slam against the wall an hour later. "Wayne, I'm home!" 

"Hi, kid," Wayne says, much calmer. 

Steve doesn't say anything. Just sits on the couch and waits, his eyes boring a hole into the floor. 

"I finally got the solo down for the song I was telling you about." Eddie lets his bag drop on to the table with a loud thud. Wayne doesn't miss how Steve jolts. "So once we sort out the bassline, we'll be-" 

Eddie turns around and sees Steve on the couch. 

"-fine," Eddie finishes, letting his hands fall to his sides. "Steve, how long have you been here?" 

"An hour." 

"Oh." Eddie looks at Wayne, confusion plain on his face. 

Wayne raises his eyebrows. Talk to him. He wanted you, not me. 

Eddie nods. "What do you need?" 

Steve looks up for the first time. Wayne fought the kid to get him cleaned up, so the split lip looks better. Couldn't do much about the black eye, though. 

Wayne watches the color drain out of Eddie's face.

"Shit, Stevie-" 

Wayne shoots Eddie a look, a mix of Careful and Stevie? 

Eddie glances back at him. I know and later. 

He slows down and sits next to Steve, keeping his hands on his lap. "Did they-" 

"I go back for the rest of it in the morning," Steve says blankly, like he's reciting something. 

"Okay," Eddie says. He looks back at Wayne. 

What do I do? 

Wayne glances at Eddie's hands, then at Steve. What do you think? 

Eddie puts an arm around Steve and lets him bury his head into his shoulder. 

Wayne looks between the two of them. What's the deal? 

Eddie stares back. I think you know. 

Wayne has to agree. He thinks he knows a few things between the way Steve is so comfortable in Eddie's arms and the way Steve hasn't mentioned going home once tonight. 

A glance between Eddie and Steve's black eye. How long have you known? 

Eddie won't meet Wayne's eyes. Wayne knows what that means. 

Too long. 

They'll talk about it in the morning. They'll talk about all of it in the morning.

But for now? Wayne just has to be here for both of these boys. Both of his boys, now, it seems.

1,950 notes - Posted November 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This is not how Wayne was expecting to come home from work.

He had expected, as usual, that Eddie would be asleep, and he’d be free to watch the 5:00 AM news. He’d have a bowl of cereal for dinner (or was it breakfast at that point?), and then he’d be out like a light while Eddie did whatever it was he did before noon. Usually, that was sleep.

The exact opposite of what Wayne was expecting is happening right now. 

He didn’t even get his keys out of his pocket before Eddie whips the door open. He looks a mess: hair tied back loosely, pajamas off kilter, panic mixed with exhaustion on his face.

“Oh, thank Christ,” he croaks. “Wayne, I need your help. I have no idea what to do.”

Wayne can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen Eddie panic like this. He shoulders past him into the trailer and is greeted with the sight of Steve Harrington standing in the middle of his living room.

“What on God’s green earth,” he murmurs. He blinks, then blinks again, but Harrington is still there, in pajamas, the tire iron Eddie still keeps under his bed in his hands. He’s breathing real heavy, and he stares out the window, stock-still.

“The hell happened?” Wayne asks, keeping his voice low.

“I don’t know,” Eddie whispers desperately. “I don’t know what happened, but he got up and grabbed the iron and just stood here-”

“How long?”

“Ten minutes, maybe.”

Wayne doesn’t like where this is going. “Has he responded to you at all?”

“No-”

Shit.

“-but I can try again?”

Wayne eyes the white-knuckled grip Harrington has on the tire iron. He’s ready to swing, and Wayne knows he’ll swing hard if given the chance.

No way he’s risking Eddie. No way he’s risking Harrington. Wayne doesn’t know him well, only met him a few times in passing, but he knows he’d never forgive himself if he hurt Eddie.

“No. Don’t try again.”

“I’m not leaving him.”

“Didn’t ask you to. All I’m saying is don’t go near.”

Eddie is very good at following instructions to the letter and to the letter only, much to Wayne’s fond annoyance. So, he doesn’t go near.

Instead, he says, voice strangely soft, “Stevie, sweetheart.”

Harrington doesn’t respond, but he turns a little in the direction of Eddie’s voice. Wayne takes that as a good sign, even if he can see the tension on his face now.

“Will you come back to sleep? Please?” Wayne hates hearing Eddie’s voice crack the way it is right now.

Harrington faces them a little better, and Wayne sees what he was expecting.

He’s staring through them, not at them. Wherever Harrington is, it sure ain’t here.

“I don’t know how much that’s gonna help, Eddie. He’s having-”

“I know he’s having a flashback, Wayne!” Eddie snaps. “I’m not stupid. It’s usually just not this bad, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Alright,” Wayne says because snapping back won’t help anyone. That and because he’s trying to process the fact that Eddie has had to deal with this before. “Let me try.”

He takes a few steps toward Harrington, keeping his hands up and his movements slow.

See the full post

9,020 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

102 of 2024

Fall Vibes Survey! 🍂

by joybucket

1. What are three of your favorite things about fall? Misty mornings, colourful leaves and hot chocolate.

2. Do you prefer to paint or carve pumpkins? Neither, I don't do it.

3. How do you plan to celebrate Halloween this year? I don't plan to celebrate it.

4. Which 'per month is your favorite, and why? December because Christmas.

5. What is one Halloween costume you love but have never worn yourself? I never thought about it.

6. What is one Halloween costume you've seen that has made you laugh? I haven't seen any Halloween costume in years.

7. Do you consider yourself too old to go trick-or-treating? I've never really done it in my life, so.

8. Do you prefer fruity candies or chocolate candies? Fruity sour candies are the only candies I truly like.

9. Would you rather read a book while sitting outside in the sun or while sitting in front of a fireplace? Outside in the sun, or at least by the window.

10. When was the last time you wore leggings? Never.

11. Do you prefer pumpkin spice or apple cinnamon? Apple cinnamon forever.

12. What is one fall treat you love but haven't had in at least a few years? Honestly, I don't even know what fall treats are. In my family, everything we fancy is served all year round.

13. What is one fall treat you aren't really a huge fan of? See above.

14. Do you prefer fall flavors or winter flavors? I don't really divide flavours by season.

15. What is your favorite fall drink to get at a coffee shop? Hot chocolate.

16. What is your favorite fall smoothie flavor? I don't like smoothies.

17. When was the last time you sat in front of a campfire? Very long time ago. It's been probably years.

18. Do you enjoy the chilly, windy fall weather? Not much. Crisp morning air is fine, but no wind please. I'm from the sea, we have wind all year round. XD

19. What do you think is the perfect outdoor temperature for fall? Like, 15°C because hoodies, but no need for jackets.

20. Do you like candy corn? Never tried it.

21. Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? Yeah, particularly our attic. When we were kids, my sister was always refusing to get there.

22. Would you rather pass out candy or go trick-or-treating? Pass out candy, if we ever have some. I don't celebrate Halloween.

23. If someone asked you to perform a trick first before they gave you a treat, what do you think you would do? I don't think I would do anything.

24. Would you rather decorate your front porch with scarecrows or skeletons? Neither, I think. I don't decorate even for Christmas.

25. What do you think is scarier: bats or spiders? Neither. Both are cute, actually.

26. Have you ever read a book that gave you nightmares? No, never.

27. What is one thing you dislike about fall? Short days.

28. Do you think you look better in brown or black? Never thought about it much, but I wear black way too often. Not like I have any problem with it XD

29. Would you rather wear jeans or jeggings? Jeans, definitely.

30. Would you rather wear jeggings or leggings? Neither.

31. Do you like Autumn better as a middle name or a first name? Middle name, I think it would serve well. That actually makes me think of Emilie Autumn. :P

32. Which name do you like best for a girl: Autumn, Ember, October, Harvest, or Adventure? Autumn.

33. Which name do you like best for a cat: Pumpkin, Cinnamon, Chestnut, Harvest, or Nutmeg? Pumpkin or Cinnamon. Especially if the kitty is orange :D

34. Have you ever seen a ghost? I don't know, but I don't think so either.

35. Do you consider yourself spiritual? Not at all.

36. What is your favorite fall scent? Apples and cinnamon, I think.

37. What color is your favorite fall sweater? I don't have any fall sweaters, but I have plenty of hoodies, my favourite is red.

38. Do you own a plaid shirt? No, I don't.

39. Were you born in the fall? Nope. I was actually born in spring.

40. Have you ever walked through a haunted house? Well, I still don't know if it was haunted or not :P

[diavolo-is-babygirl]

Personal Post: (TW: suicide ideation)

I told Mom I had a nightmare about going to work, and I can't ever sleep because of how much I hate my job.

She proceeded to go on a two-hour rant about how much she hates her job and how horrible life is, while drinking. Then asked me how we're going to get out of our motel room, because she might quit her job tomorrow and we'll be down to one paycheck. Why does she want to quit?

Apparently there's drama between her and a younger co-worker. And she's repeatedly told me she's too old to handle it.

Note: in reaching out for help over the last year, on Facebook, because things were financially worse than they are now, I was hit in the face with a LOT OF BRICKS that included 'suck it up, your mom's doing her best' and 'your mom's a failure, you need to take care of your problems yourself, stop whining'.

Do I hate her? No. Do I want to abandon her? No.

Do I hate feeling like I have no mother, no hero, no friend to comfort me through anything? Yes. Do I hate always feeling like I never have a real home? Yes.

Can anyone blame me for contemplating suicide?

Why am I even telling you any of this? Here's why:

I'm 38 yrs old, living in a motel room with a narcissistic mother that has told me she hates me, and have never experienced life. Please do not grow up thinking that a paycheck is the answer to everything.

And please please please surround yourself with people that make you happy.

- Courtney

[acciotherapists]

Far From Home Masterlist

Loki x Reader

"I’d gone through so many names it was getting harder to remember my birth name but I’d never forget it when I heard it. I held it close to my heart when they'd tried to erase everything I was. Twenty years ago I’d started my new life when I escaped and I never looked back."

Y/n Y/l/n never thought her past would come back to find her. After all who would look for her on Midgard? But one day in the small town of Puento Antiguo her world is turned upside down when an old friend turns up, threatening everything she has built and the people she'd fought so hard to protect. What happens when the life she left behind finally catches up with her? What happens when the old flame she thought had burned out reignites within her?

Warnings: language (sorry, Steve), eventual smut (slow burn), angst, some mentions of torture (most things won't be detailed but anything that gets a bit more specific will be warned at the beginning of the chapter)

Masterlist

Chapter One: An Old Friend

Chapter Two: Home

Chapter Three: Goodbye

Chapter Four: Just Another Day

Chapter Five: Trust

Chapter Six: Change Of Plans

Chapter Seven: A New Ally

Chapter Eight: The Destroyer

Chapter Nine: King Loki

Chapter Ten: Home?

Chapter 11: Safe

Chapter 12: The Truth

Chapter 13: The Letter

Chapter 14: A Way Out

Chapter 15: The Target

Chapter 16: Questions

Chapter 17: Orders and Responsibilities

Chapter 18: The Visit

Chapter 19: The Attack

Chapter 20: What've You Done?

Chapter 21: Casualties

Chapter 22: Where is She?

Chapter 23: Pissed Off

Chapter 24: The Chitauri

Chapter 25: The Realization

Chapter 26: I'm Sorry

Chapter 27: Back Again

Chapter 28: A Clandestine Visit

Chapter 29: An Old Friend

Chapter 30: Hold On

Chapter 31: I Need You

Chapter 32: Awake

Chapter 33: Two Weeks

Chapter 34: The File

Chapter 35: The Truth

Chapter 36: An Old Friend

Chapter 37: Pity

Chapter 38: The Mission

Chapter 39: 25 Minutes

Chapter 40: The Mission

Chapter 41: The Enemy

Chapter 42: Hydra

Chapter 43: Extraction

Chapter 44: Forgive Me

Chapter 45: Running

Chapter 46: Awake

Chapter 47: Nightmares and Reality

Chapter 48: Bold Move

Chapter 49: Wanda Maximoff

Chapter 50: Just Kids

Chapter 51: The Dream

Chapter 52: The Sorcerer Supreme

Chapter 53: Stephen Strange

Chapter 54: Jealousy

Chapter 55: A Proposal

[the-four-humors]

Some video essays and Youtube documentaries I like

It's been about a year since my last list of video essays I like, so I felt it was time I added to that list. Although some of these are too long to be considered "essays" anymore, hence the inclusion of runtimes. I also tried to go with the lesser-viewed essays by some Youtubers who had big hits this year.

Social Issues:

Is "Cancel Culture" Really a Threat To America? by Michael Hobbes (22:39)

The Horrifying Panopticon of West Elm Caleb by Sarah Z (1:07:03)

In Search Of A Flat Earth by Folding Ideas (1:16:16)

Who’s Afraid of Modern Art: Vandalism, Video Games, and Fascism by Jacob Geller (29:15)

Pop Culture Analysis

LOST Was Weird: A Show No One Wanted To Make by Billiam (2:56:55)

How I Rewrote the History of Garfield by Quinton Reviews (1:10:03)

The Giver: Teen Dystopian Filth by Big Joel (28:15)

Oops! Disney's Cars Did Eugenics by Jack Saint (26:23)

The Fall of Bleach: 4 Years Later by Super Eyepatch Wolf (57:43)

The Dystopian Nightmare of MOTEL MAKEOVER by Maggie Mae Fish (22:21)

Science

Why Koko (Probably) Couldn't Talk (Sorry) | The Deep Dive by Soup Emporium (49:11)

Vaccines: A Measured Response by hbomberguy (1:44:09)

Internet Culture

Where Did This Image Come From? by blameitonjorge (18:38) (warning, this is about the infamous Jeff the Killer photoshop)

Everything Wrong With The Animation Community Critics by Quinn Curio (1:11:38)

Capitalism

Disney's FastPass: A Complicated History by Defunctland (1:42:59)

Gaming

The Path: Psychological Horror In The Woods by Izzzyzzz (1:07:53)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Sucks and I Love it: A Video Essay by Nyx Fears (21:28)

Earth 2 - Deep Dive (is it a scam?) by Jason Strife Hayes (50:26)

Investigation: How Roblox Is Exploiting Young Game Developers by People Make Games (22:43)

The Curse of Yandere Simulator Fan Games by Paper Will (57:58)

Aaaand it's pretty old at this point and I'm no longer making Youtube videos, but I am still pretty happy with it so shout out to my last video essay:

Netflix's CASTLEVANIA and outsider status [Video Essay]

[niuniente]

Bad Spiritual Reading Experience

Me: Hello, a fellow psychic. I need some guidance. I have stomach issues and I know the reason is energetic. What's the core energy causing these physical symptoms?

"Psychic": I don't make any diagnosis, but it's a bacterial imbalance. You know, I had a mummified cecum.

Me: ...So, a bacterial imbalance? That's it?

"Psychic": Yes.

Me: Nothing else?

"Psychic": No.

Me, thinking: This doesn't answer to my question at all... Why isn't she speaking about energies and metaphysical reasons??? Doesn't she know about them????

Me: Ah, okay, let's go to the 2nd question. My intuition has always told me where to go next and what to do next. However, for the past 7 years, I have not gotten any intuitive guidance. Can you see anything related to my future? I'm starting to get really anxious when I have no visions of the future.

"Psychic": Sometimes intuition goes to sleep. It happens.

Me, boggled: Yes, I'm aware that it can happen.

"Psychic": What was the other question?

Me: ...The other question?

"Psychic": You had two questions here.

Me, thinking that I was not asking about my intuition: Um, the future visions? Anything you could give me? Like work life, life, living, any visions. All information is welcomed.

"Psychic": I see a lake.

Me, having an odd feeling about this: Okay, a lake.

"Psychic": It's a calm lake. And there's a red cabin. You will buy this red lake-side cabin in a few years.

Me living from a paycheck to another and no way ever getting a loan from a bank for any apartment purchase and never ever going to buy a cabin: Ah, okay...

"Psychic": There's a dog, too. Your dog. You are a dog person, right?

Me, absolutely never wanting to have a dog or live in a same house with a dog: No, I'm not a dog person.

"Psychic:" Oh... Well, it's then someone else's dog. You are very skilled with many languages, right?

Me: I speak only two languages and slightly understand 3rd, so not that talented really...

"Psychic": You will go to work in a traveling business somewhere in Lapland. You will live in this tourist village. You'll meet there a man, maybe it's his dog. You fall in love really quickly. He owns this village.

Me, knowing that I would never move to North and work in a traveling and hiking business with this health and personality: Hmm, traveling business you say....

"Psychic": How old are you?

Me: 38

"Psychic": ........ Yes, I see you will happily get pregnant by an accident!

Me, a childfree by choice since age 6 and a pregnancy being my worst nightmare: Okay.

"Psychic": You don't like the environment were you are living now. The apartment is nice but not the environment. It makes you anxious so you will apply to this travel business job as a joke and then you'll get it. You are a nature oriented person, right?

Me, who is a city person: Well, I do like nature in Japan but not so much here....

"Psychic": Do you have any other questions?

Me: Is there any messages the Spirit wants to deliver to me? Do you see or sense anything?

"Psychic": Do you have anything you want to ask?

Me, boggled: ....Any messages from the Spirit? Just, generally? Vibes?

"Psychic": Trust yourself. I always get a theme in each conversation and this is trust yourself. Anything else you want to know?

Me, not wanting to waste my time anymore: No, thanks. I'm good with this.

[softhxtch]

TITTLE: Just Be Here

SUMMARY: Reader just finished a case and her husband, Aaron Hotchner is always there to support her. 

PAIRING: female! reader x Aaron Hotchner

CHARACTERS: reader, Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss and David Rossi (literally for a second), Allison (OC)

WARNINGS: child assault and abuse; mentions of misscariage, alcohol usage, body fluids (blood, urine, vomit), pornography.

WORD COUNT: 3,5K

A/N: am i back? i don’t know hahah, but it’s something, right? again in this story Jack doesn’t really exist, sorry. and again CAC - Crimes Against Children.

'Hey, sweetie. You're safe, okay? Nobody's gonna hurt you anymore.', you whispered taking little girl into your arms. She was sobbing quietly with tears falling down her pink cheeks. She was no more than three years old, still in her purple pajamas, that were dirty form all the body fluids person can imagine and also dirty room she was held in. 'You're safe, Allison. You're safe.', you kept repeating and little girl just held her hands around you even tighter.

You looked around the room and the whole sight was just horrible. No windows, barely any lights, cages, blood and urine all over the floor. Just an awful place to be in let alone to live for months. Even the smallest thought of what was going on before the whole team came in gave you shivers and blood started to boil inside you. The place was there for years at that point and no one knew about it. You were just looking at your teammates, taking the rest of the kids out of the building. Some were crying, some were screaming and some were just clinging to the agents hoping that they would never comeback. And they never will. You would make sure of that.

' Allison, we have to go.', you said quietly, trying not to scare her. But little girl just shook her head and tightened her arms around your neck. 'We have to go. You need to see a doctor. It's scary, I know, but I'm gonna be with you all the time, okay?'

It wasn't easy to convince Allison to come out of the building, but after some negotiations and conversations with you she agreed. You're holding her in your arms as close as possible, trying to avoid the blue and red lights that were blinding both of you in the dark night.

Hospitals were always the last place that you're wanted to be. If you were the it only meant that either someone from your team or family was injured or one of the victims from your case were in tragic condition.

To put it straight, hospitals were never a good sign.

But you couldn't go home, not just yet. You promised Allison, that you would be with her this whole time, so you were also there when she got a check up from the pediatrician. You were holding her hand, caressing the back of it from time to time just to reassure her that you're there. Sometimes your would just add how great she was doing and how strong it is.

'Home.', Allison whined as doctor was checking on one of her bruised legs. Few tears fell down her cheeks, which made your hear break. It was horrible to seeing anyone in that position, but especially a child.

'You're doing great, Allison. Just few more minutes, okay?', you said quietly, taking hair out of her forehead.

'I just need to check the other leg and then you can have a long nap, till morning. How does that sound?', doctor asked and written down something on her notepad.

'I think it's great! Do you, Sonnie?', you said with a happy voice, looking at a little girl. She just nodded, still pouting from her cry few seconds ago. 'I'll be right back.', you said when you heard familiar phone ring. Doctor nodded understanding, but Allison held your hand not wanting to let you go. ' Allison, I'll be back in few minutes. I just need to answer that call, okay? You will be able to see me through the glass. I'm not going anywhere and until then you'll stay with Doctor Ashley.', you explained.

She wasn't convinced at all. It took you few more minutes for to actually let go of your hand. You explained everything a least three times. Doctor eyed you few times, but you just tried to ignore her. After years of working with children you knew how long it sometimes takes to convince them. Especially the ones that have been seriously hurt. They just wanted someone to be with them through the whole process and you understood it one hundred percent.

You sent Allison a small smile, saying one more time, that you'll be back in few minutes. After that you left the room and took out phone, dialing number that called you before.

'Hi.', you heard deep, yet soft voice on the other side. You sighed and replied with the same thing. 'Long night?'

'Yeah and I can't even see the end of it.', you answered and heard your husband's laugh. 'It wasn't a joke.', you added, rolling your eyes.

'I know. But it's kind of ironic considering that the sun will be up in less than an hour.', Aaron said. You could hear him moving around the house. Walking from bathroom to bedroom, probably getting ready for work. 'How are the kids?'

'Fine, if you could say it after living in a basement for most of your life and posing for creepy middle aged men.', you answered, feeling the shivers on your arms. The images that you saw literally just came back. And you can expect they will be coming back more often, but this time in your nightmares.

'All alive?', Aaron asked. You could hear him doing something in the kitchen, which made you smile, still looking at Allison. You actually would do everything to be right now with him in that kitchen. Waiting for his famous muffins with bacon and eggs, like he would do whenever both of you had day off.

'Yes, all eight of them.', you nodded. 'You're heading to work now? It's a bit early, even for you.'

'Not yet.', he answered quickly. You could hear another chews from the other side, which actually made your stomach going louder. 'But yesterday I picked up from the post office that coffee table, that you ordered and I thought I would put it together.'

'You're gonna put a coffee table together? At-', you asked surprised, looking at the watch on your phone. '-4:38 in the morning? Are you okay?', you added with a laugh.

'What can I say? I'm just bored without you.', he answered. Right after that you heard a loud noise from the other side and a quiet curse from Aaron.

'You're okay?', you asked, furrowing you brows.

'Yes. I'm looking for the box with all the tools.', he replied. 'I think I'll ask Morgan about them. He'll know what I should use.'

'How about you leave it to me, huh? I'll do it, because we don't want another trip to ER. It'll be third time this year, they'll assume that I'm assaulting you.', you laughed, hearing just quick 'hey!' from your husband.

For the first time in hours you actually felt nice. You didn't had constant fear in your head about the case. You weren't even thinking about it, right now what you were thinking about was Aaron and that stupid coffee table. And he knew about it, that was the reason why he called. After you were in a car with Allison and two policemen, you texted him that the case was over and you're headed to the hospital with victims. Both of you always do it, just to reassure each other that the other person is fine. Aaron on top of that would always call you. He's a very light sleeper, even waking up when you stir in bed sometimes, so every vibrations of his phone wakes him up. No matter what the time is on the clock, he always calls you. He knows how much you love your job and how saving kids was your thing. You loved it, after few years in narcotics unit you know you found your place. But Aaron also knew that you get very into the cases and you involve yourself a lot and if the case goes wrong you blame yourself really hard. Especially being a unit chief, just like him. So he always tried to light the mood even just a little and talk about the day, whatever comes to his mind.

'You're staying in the hospital, right?', it almost wasn't a question. It wasn't anything new to be honest. A lot of the times you would comeback to the hospital with the victims and especially with this case. He knew it wouldn't be different. You were working on it for over a month and it was draining you.

'Don't think I have a choice.', you admitted, looking back at Allison who was also starring at you. The doctor stopped examination and was about to leave. 'One of the girls won't let me go.'

'Just be careful, okay? And take care. Don't forget to eat something.', he reminded, knowing the previous situations.

'I will.', you reassured him. 'I love you.'

'I love you too, sweetheart. Give me a call later in a day.', Aaron said and you agreed.

After you said your goodbyes, you put the phone in the pocket and went back to the room. Allison immediately opened her arms and you laughed coming closer.

'You're back!', she said loudly, which made you laugh even more. Doctor Ashley smiled at both of you and left the room.

'I said I will.', you reminded her, patting her head. You could clearly see the tiredness in her eyes and how hard she was trying not to fall asleep. 'I think it's good time for a sleep.', you proposed, but Jade just shook her head immediately, taking back. ' Allison, you need to sleep.'

'Not sleepy.', she answered quietly, putting knees closer to her chest. 'Don't want to sleep.'

'You've been awake for a long time, Sonnie. You need to rest. I do too. Everyone needs to sleep so they will have energy for the next day.', you explained, but she once again shook her head. 'I'll be there the whole time. Nothing's gonna happen to you. You're safe.'

'Seven minutes?', she asked, trying to stop the yaw. You nodded and observed how she put her head on the pillow, drifting away from the real world.

Aaron Hotchner looked at his watch for the tenth time in the last 8 minutes. He signed and went back to signing papers in front him.

It was a slow day. Most paper work days were slow, but this one was even slower. He just couldn't focus. His thoughts were everywhere but in that office. He was thinking about his wife and what she's about to at that moment, probably still at hospital with the little girl. It was literally breaking his heart when he was thinking about your job and side effects, but also about your personal issues.

Being married for almost six years and together over eight, was something he was very proud of. He loved you with his whole heart and couldn't see anyone but you. The whole team always loved to see when a woman would flirt with Aaron, because it was always so funny to see him nicely declining the actions. Aaron Hotchner was a strong man with a very intimidating vibe, his voice could literally break you into a meltdown and get when a woman would approach him his eyes would always look for you. He just couldn't see his world existing without you.

With that being said he also knows you very well. Whenever something was wrong, he could feel it. Just from the look in your eyes or movement. You almost didn't have to talk to have a conversation. He understood you without any words and so did you.

After long nights when there were only you two together, Aaron knew what you wanted. Be knew all your dreams and wishes. Where you would like to go for vacations or favourite cuisine. Things that he could control. He also knew about your dream job and family wishes. Things he couldn't control and everytime Aaron would think about this, his heart would break into thousand pieces. Because if he could he would give you everything that you wanted and to do that he would sacrifice anything he could.

Quiet sound of a clock, that was announcing noon, got Aaron out of his thoughts. He looked at the clock just to assure himself of the hour and pressed his lips into thin line. Then he just closed the files on the rest, took coat and walked out of the room. Aaron walked to his friend's office and knocked on the door. He opened them after quick 'come in'.

'Dave, I'm gonna be back in an hour.', Aaron said, looking at the older man working on his papers. He looked up with pen still between his fingers.

'Everything's okay?', Dave asked and got quick nod from Aaron. 'Y/N's at the hospital again?'

'Yeah, they finished the case few hours ago so I'm sure she hasn't ate anything since.', he explained. 'I'm just gonna bring her food and come back.'

'No problem. If anything happens, we'll call you.', David said, waving younger man off. Aaron just laughed and closed the door. Then he walked down the stairs, wanting to leave the office.

'Hey, Hotch! Are you going again to get some food?', Emily's voice stopped him from going further. He turned around to face not only her, but three other agents. 'You're going outside, right?'

'Yes, Emily.', he sighed. 'But I'm not going to the place you love to eat from.'

'I figured. But maybe you would want to do us a favor and go there? Since you're already going outside the office.', she explained and Derek started to come closer with JJ right behind him. 'Look, it's raining outside and it's pointless to have two wet agents in the office. We will pay for the gas and also your food, huh?'

'Just text me your order and I'll see what I can do.', Aaron said, rolling his eyes slightly. Then he turned around and started walking towards the elevators, still hearing voices of agents behind him, who were deciding on the order.

Pediatric floor of the hospital was as always busy. Kids running around, parents trying to keep up with them, crying children from everywhere you can imagine and on top of that walls with so many colours, that he thought that someone vomited on them. He had no problem of finding the room where you were. Of course with a help from nurses.

Aaron slowly opened the door from the hospital room. He was expecting for either you or the child to be asleep and he didn't want to wake anybody up. But the sight inside made just his heart to melt.

You were sitting on the couch with Allison sleeping in your arms. Her head was on your chest and arms were really tight around the back. Her moth were slightly open, just like yours. But you also had your head hung back and he was sure he'd hear your complaints about the neck pains for the next week.

Aaron slowly put the package with your favourite food and something tasty for children on the small table near the door. Then he took the blanket from the bed and put it over you and the little girl, knowing how cold you must be from laying down in one place for so long. After that he just put a light kiss on your forehead and with one last look he left the room.

Aaron got to the elevator and took out his phone, checking out one message from Emily.

If you are going to the place near the hospital and there's a girl with short red hair, then say that you would like to order for Agent Prentiss 😘

He furrowed his brows at the message and dialed her right away.

'Did I say something wrong?', she answered after one signal.

'How this girl supposed to know your order?', he asked, looking at the numbers of elevator going down.

'She'll know, trust me. I've been there many time.', Emily laughed and Aaron could practically see her smile through the phone.

'Whatever.', he sighed, hearing the ding from the elevator. 'Oh and Prentiss?', Aaron called and heard quick 'yeah' from the other side. 'Stop sending me emojis. It's highly unprofessional to do it to your boss and it's making me uncomfortable.', he ended, walking out of the hospital.

You could physically feel lighter closing the door to you home. Everything related to work you always tried to leave outside this house and treat this place like an escape. And it was a long few weeks, so you were nothing but happy and relieved that it's over.

The house was quiet and dark. You could only see dim light from the living room and just thinking about it made you smile. You took off your jacked and boots, leaving the bag at the usual place and started walking towards the light. As you saw Aaron sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, you smiled even wider. His feet were on the coffee table and he had a glass of whiskey in his hand.

You leaned on the door frame and with arms crossed on the chest, you observed him.

'I'm awake.', Aaron said with raspy voice. You knew that he was probably sitting here for a while already.

'I know.', you answered and started walking towards the cabinet with alcohols. 'Aaron Hotchner is at home before me. What's happening in this world? Did they closed the FBI building?', you joked while pouring wine into a glass and sitting next to him.

'Very funny.', he answered with a sarcasm. He put arms around your shoulders and kissed your temple.

'I actually am.', you said, taking a sip. 'But I'm glad you're here.'

'Anytime.', he hummed, placing one more kiss on your head.

'Except the time you're working.', you joked and he just rolled his eyes. 'Thank you for the dinner, by the way. Although I would get something to eat myself, you know?'

'Yeah, you would probably eat your first meal of the day right now. I know you, Y/N.', he said, caressing your arm. 'So, how's the girl?'

'Allison?', you asked, reminding yourself of her beautiful smile in your head. Aaron only nodded, taking a sip from his glass, telling you to continue. 'She's gonna be okay, I hope. But she went through a lot.'

'You got close to her.'

'Yeah.', you admitted. 'I know what you think, Aaron. I know that it's not a good thing, I Get close to those kids and then I come home and they're not there. I know how this looks like. But I swear I just want to help them.'

'I know. But also you need to realize, that when they'll go to foster care they won't have someone to look after them every minute they're there. That there's gonna be many more kids their age and the attention you're giving them right now won't be given to them anymore.', he finished, looking down at you.

'Maybe they don't have to go to foster care.', you whispered, hugging your husband closer.

'You want to adopt a child?', Aaron asked slowly getting to the conclusion and realizing something else. 'You wanna adopt Allison.'

'I do.', you admitted. 'But I won't do it.', you added, sitting straight. Aaron just gave you questioning look. 'They found her mother in Portland, she'll come and get her tomorrow. Ignoring the fact that she doesn't have any job, is living in a two bedroom apartment with four other roommates and all the money goes to the alcohol. Yeah, so Allison has a bright future ahead of her.'

'You never know.', he answered. You put head on his chest once again and laid there for few minutes in silence, trying to relax.

'So, you actually put that table together.', you said keeping the eyes in small brown table in front of you, with Aaron's feet on top.

'I thought you'll never notice.', he answered almost sounding hurt.

'Oh, I did. Just wanted to hold the suspension for a little while.', you smiled and kissed him on the lips. 'Derek did it, am I right?', you whispered, narrowing your eyes.

'No.', he answered simply.

'Liar.', you whispered again, kissing him one more time, but stopping after you hear his phone going off. 'Everything's okay?', you asked.

'Yeah, just Emily.' he answered, but started explaining seing your confused face. 'I gave Emily's number to one of the girls that she has crush on from the restaurant. And I guess she had a good evening.', he ended and showed you the text.

SSA aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner, you are truly THE  man 🥰🤭💗🍑