#i'll write about more fandoms after i'm completely done with this i promise

[70svampyr]

Watch Yourself

Pt.1 because I've been postponing this for so long that my reins of patience have finally snapped. Not much action in this part, except Billy's usual erratic behavior through the phone. Also mentioned a bit of Phyl in this because my girl deserves some love and I barely see her brought up.

WARNINGS! brief sexual language, creepy behavior, pills (I don't know if this should be a warning but I've seen people put it as such before so just in case), alcohol usage, gn! reader (rather they are just visiting the girls at the sorority or living there with them is up to interpretation.) 3k+ words.

edit: rereading this, I just realized I accidentally referred to the reader as "she" once. SO SORRY about that, I fixed the mistake to a proper pronoun! hopefully, that's all...don't be afraid to comment if you see another mistake and I'll gladly fix it.

Dread eased its way into the Pi Kappa Sigma sorority, a withered mask of weariness placed on top of the resident's exterior solid. A thick layer of frost encased the foundation of the estate and left a bitter imprint on the once nicely-looking establishment, marking its new territory. The harsh winters of Canada had made their appearance and took the drudgery to add another list of trepidations for the poor tenants that shook with the blistering winds. Batters of snow stacked on top of rooftops and devoured the driveways with its sharp canines, regaling the trees and encompassing the streets. The entire calamity resembled a rotting carcass, shaken to the bone and having premature icicles wilting from the milky muscles. The sorority girls of Pi Kappa Sigma, including you, felt like just on the edge of the cliff between falling to your demise and dulling the blades of the rock as it dug itself into your skin, illustrating your now lifeless body a pretty crimson-red; Flesh and bones becoming frozen on the shore from the vicious winter. Unless someone else does it first, saving you from this misery. Doubtfully so.

"Maybe he won't even call. The pervert's likely too busy with this harsh snowstorm as much as we are. He'll probably be shoveling up the snow off of his driveway so much to even consider calling us."

Phyl had been trying her best to lighten up the mood that had been drizzled with despondency and wariness. Not even an hour prior Barb had brought up the heinousness of it all and the talk of their little "prank caller" they'd been receiving for the past two months had slinked into the conversation. This had brought the girl's temper down at a frightening rate, now just recalling back to the ghastly phone calls this same man would initiate. They were sickening and perverted. It was the same damn thing every ring; him conversing about his carnal desire to plow his tongue in their nether regions and begging for his dick to be sucked─in summary. Profane rackets would be added to the mixture, not to mention pig sound reenactments and simply downright awful moans that none of the girls enjoyed. The vulgar phone calls had quickly become frequent, so the girls (more like Barb) had materialized up with the name "The Moaner" as an alias for their... unique guest.

The epithet fit, regarding how much he loves to moan into the receiver like he was deprived of it for all his life. So "The Moaner" stuck like honey. Except it wasn't sweet like honey, nor like chocolate or surgery sprite; something that you'd constantly want overlaying the base of your tongue and sizzling. It was more like the taste of copper, a taste seeping in between your teeth after biting down on your lip too harshly and letting the crimson liquid stain the skin of your chin and continue to rise back to the surface as you licked up the blood. It's not terrible the first time, sinking your teeth into the flesh of your lip, but overdo it and the metallic of it all begins to fester inside you, and all of a sudden it doesn't taste so tolerable.

Jess had circled the kitchen countertop to stand beside you while giving Phyl a kind, but dubious smile. "I don't know, Phyl. What if he doesn't even live in Toronto? Or Canada as a whole? He might live somewhere else, like Texas. It never snows up there." The proclamation coasted over the bungalow in a pristine bleak ambiance, eyes all equally passing back and forth towards each other, similar thoughts in each girl's mind, like a radio detector. You noticed the apparitions that now spelled the room, looming with a dark force, Jess's face lengthening into a hangdog right beside you. You began to feel guilty for not stepping up to Phyl's endeavor in a fresh atmosphere, but before you could even get a word out to arouse some kind of fresh air, the loud wail of the phone castigated your opportunity and brought an even gloomier vicinity.

"How fortunate." Barb sarcastically remarked as she carried another sip of her brandy. The acerbic beverage was just as broiling plummeting down her throat as the phone's ringing, everyone in the room knowing well who it could be. Not a soul dared to move across the space, too afraid and frankly too tired to handle what was on the other side. Regardless the ringing just kept going, until the noise finally got too pricking for you. Biting your tongue, you swerved the kitchen countertop and roughly picked up the plastic cable from its handset. "Hello?" Your voice was firm, yet just by reading between the lines, the habitue could easily tell how tentative you stood. You swiped the sweat off your brow as you anxiously waited for an answer, bouncing off of one leg and scratching the back of it with the other. Silence hovered above the outlying sound of static, your heavy breathing rolling as the singular proof of vitality. No one said a word, as if a ghost picked up the phone. "Uh- Hello?─"

"Just hang up, [Name]. It's probably him just fucking with you." Barb's resonant and hoarse voice scratched at you with its sharp claws from across where you stood; swaying back and forth for it was a habit of yours when the vines of impatience came creeping up higher and higher. Uneasiness too. You mulled over the brunette's words while still supporting the phone hooked to your ear, regarding the possibility that whoever was on the other line would finally gain the courage to speak. But as some more seconds passed and the sound of droning pervaded your ear, you let out a low sigh and lowered the phone. "Maybe it was the wrong number─?" Yet, whenever Clare's soft voice peeked up, the shrill of the phone echoed throughout the room once again. Not a ghost; If it was, it was a very teasing one. "That quick? Wow, he must be excited. Well go on, let's give this guy what he wants." Barb sat up from her place─, sprawled out onto the couch, holding a cup of brandy in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, ─and stumbled toward the phone with a tremble in her step. However before she could reach out for the crying device, you gently placed a hand on top of her chest and slightly pushed her away, shaking your head in a rejecting manner. You could see the look in her eyes, the underlying drunkness too clear not to notice. She was obviously intoxicated; It was best to leave Satan lingering at the door rather than have your inebriated friend piss him off and set the house ablaze. "No, Barb, you're too drunk to deal with him. Let's just all head to bed and call it a day. We don't need to end it on a much more terrible note than it already has."

Barb only scoffed at your proclamation, swatting your hand away from her dress shirt as if the touch scorned her, taking another gulp of her beverage like her very life depended on it. "I'm not that drunk! I can handle the son of the bitch! Plus, he's only gonna keep calling us until one of us picks up the phone. We might as well get over it." She eyed you like a piranha ready to forage, spitting out the words with fire. Nevertheless, you simply stood taller and kept your feet planted on the ground. "You're only gonna spur him on and add fuel to the crossfire. Trust me, the last thing we need is to piss him off, we don't know what kind of person he is. Now, go to bed. I mean it." Your words hung over the two of you in an icy blaze, and if it weren't for Jess coming up to rest a solacing hand on Barb's shoulder and tell her "they're right, we should go to bed", you would've been having to deal with Barb's violent episodes, certainly gaining a few bruises and a busted lip. With a coerced sigh, the brunette began walking up the stairs, before halting abruptly and twisting her body to face yours, a grim expression plastered on her complexion. "When he calls again, and again, and again until it drives the whole house crazy, you're gonna be the one picking it up." And with that, she went to bed.

Exhausted sighs washed over the tenancy room in sync the instant Barb's door slammed shut behind her. You silently thanked the divinities above for the tight-lipped exchange of agreement that was masked over with a dreary exhale. A low yawn from Clare broke the brief stillness and placed a cheeky smile on her pale face, slightly flushed from the cold. "I think I'm gonna head to bed as well. This day has drained me of dignity." Her candied-laced voice brought a few nods in understanding, a hushed giggle from Phyl, and numerous eyes tracing her figure spiraling up the staircase and to her coffin. Clare's retreat seemed to construct a rolling dice match; once she entered her bedroom, Jess had bid her good nights as well, then Phyl followed suit, until only you stood in the kitchen space, wide awake with the underlying fatigue. But you knew you wouldn't be able to fall asleep just yet, so you stayed put. You watched Phyl track up the carpeted stairs before she suddenly turned around to face you. "Thanks for that─ you know, with Barb and all. I'm sorry she can be such a priss, but you know she would feel extremely guilty for hurting you. Anyways, good night- Oh! And try not to stay up too late. Remember to take your pills once─"

"I know, I know! I've got the drill memorized Phyl, you don't have to remind me." You waved your hands in exaggeration as you earnestly attempted to shoo the curly-haired girl away. "Plus, I know Barb would never consciously hurt me, but hey, she can throw a few good punches." you couldn't stop a laugh from slipping out, Phyl chuckling along with you. "Now go get some sleep. You need it more than me." All she gave you in retort to that was a vacillating smile, before trotting upstairs and entering her room, gaining her once solitariness. You monitored her with a similar grin on your complexion. You cherished Phyl and all of the other sorority sisters as if they were your own blood, even Barb who was an alcoholic, but you didn't need them plaguing you like pigeons swarming a clutter of scattered peanut kernels. It wore you, as much as you didn't like to admit it; you needed your space as much as they needed theirs. And that came with being able to memorize when to take your zaleplon.

The resonate of stillness leaped off the walls with an eerie calmness to it, the distant racket of something ricocheting up in the attic remaining as the only noise to materialize. You brushed it off for the rats scurrying inside the house; it's become a recent convulsion that you quickly learned to overlook. Your eyes trace towards the stack of dirty dishes that sat In the equally dirty sink, its essence taunting you in a way that screamed for help. A wave of grimace washed over you at the tainted scenery, complying with the demands it spoke without a lip to invoke it. You made sharp work of rolling up the sleeves of your top and wrenching on the faucet, letting the water get poaching hot underneath your fingertips, and seizing a bottle of dish soap out from underneath the sink. An odd notion crept in the back of your head, recalling back to the sicko that had a guilty pleasure in harassing the sorority's phone line.

'I wonder if he "enjoys" washing the dishes as much as I do.'

─

The cognate clock on the paint-peeled wall ticked within your work time, a grating reminder and alarm of how vastly time passed as you set out your responsibilities. The snow had not lessened throughout clattering dishes and rinsing dish soap, preferably amassing up more and concocting an upheaval for the impending sunrise. You hummed to a jolly Christmas tune ─although couldn't fathom remembering what exact song, ─ with a newfound sense of clarity that shimmered in front of you like a dazzling star as you scrubbed at your last plate. Once you had turned off the sink and positioned the now soaking-wet ceramic on the laid-out kitchen towel, the sound of the phone going off brought a startled yelp out of you, the shrieking noise slicing through the air with its sharp, tantalizing knife, narrowly missing the flesh of your skin. 'Jesus fuck.' you grasped onto the cotton above your beating heart like a sheathing barrier, withholding a glare aimed at the maneuvering device that jerked in its handset with deduction. It looked as if the caller was desperate for you to pick up, screeching how badly they wanted to hear your voice throughout the receiver, hear it bark at them with such resentment that rippled a burning crackle of fire downwards. And maybe they did. Perhaps that was what lied behind the harmless gadget. However, that was unbeknownst to you.

Throwing the paper towel you were utilizing to dry your hands off on top of the marble counter, you trudged toward the screaming telephone and harshly picked it up, silencing the ring and lifting it to the front of your ear. "Hello?" You had said for the second time that night, uneasiness already seeping its way through the crevices of your bones and aligning your insides, Its long, twig-like arms enveloping themselves around your heart and squeezing it like a vice. At first, nothing. Just the sound of static and what you could make out as a subtle shuffle, but no words. "Hello? Who is this?" attempting at your voice again, you immediately were greeted with (dare you say, very realistic) reenactments of pig snorts. "He─"

"Pretty piggy! Pretty, pretty piggy!"

Your speech was interrupted by a voice that resembled a mix of nails on a chalkboard, and a busted windshield with cracks spiraling across the glass. "Oh. It's you again." was all you were able to muster up, clear annoyance laced with your words, before the male switched to making slurping noises like a light switch. "Let me liii ick it! Lick your pretty, pink─" Vulgurties already began to spew their way out of his mouth, the carnality and the pictorial of it all reaching towards you with its repulsive tongue, driving you to impulsively back away from the phone. It didn't take long for the caller to bring in his roundabouts of elaborating on his horniness and bragging about his dick, the slurping noises only obtaining louder and more explicit that you could virtually feel his spittle through the receiver. 'Gross fuck.' was all that you ruled to think during the esprit of the phone call. You could only handle so much until the wires snapped and you finally had your fill. "Listen, I hate to break it to 'ya, but these phone calls of yours are getting old. If you want to keep calling, be my guest, but at least change up the act. We're all sick and tired of your crap, and we could give less than two shits about how big your dick is. So either stop calling or makeup something new." you couldn't help yourself from snapping; the act was growing old, and the troubling frigid weather that you already had to deal with had given you a bit of a push. You didn't hesitate to hang up the phone.

Yet, of course, that didn't seem to be enough to scare off the male, as the ringing merely came for the umpteenth time, not even letting a second pass after you had abandoned the prior call. "Jesus Christ...What?!" you practically screeched into the receiver, fed up and exhausted for the night, your cup overflowing with crises. A resonate of giggles greeted you not-so-warmly, a vein beginning to appear on your forehead as you rubbed at your nasal. "M-Mommy's mad...real mad..." the male murmured between giggles, his luny cheerfulness bubbling up back to the surface, the rest of his insanity tied together in a swirl of madness. "G-Gonna...H-Have to punish...Discipline! You have to learn to discipline, Billy! Or else the baby will never learn! Learn from your mistakes! Mistakes, mistakes, MISTAKES!" The voices used seemed to alternate between a thunder of an angry older male and a younger one, paralleling a conversation between father and son.

"Punish pretty piggy...yes...punish, punish, punish, punish─"

You rolled your eyes to cover up the growing uncomfortableness, sensing the male's delirium within his odd speech. Responding with a familiar bite, you pressed the phone closer toward the flesh of your ear. "So you still live with your mother? I can't say I'm surprised. And I think I'm gonna have to pass on being 'punished'." All he did in response was laugh. Laugh after laugh after laugh, until he finally cracked and never stopped, even for a minute.

Amid his ongoing fit, you suddenly recalled that you still needed to take your pills. Placing the phone on top of the table it was residing at, face-up, you strolled towards the kitchen and opened up one of the cupboards, taking out two tablets from their dwelling and setting them aside on the marble counter, all while the faint sound of deranged laughter sufficed the room. 'What the hell is this maniac laughing about?' you pondered while you fetched your mug of water and swallowed down the tablets smoothly. Even once you crawled back to the telephone, what sounded like shattering windshields did not subside.

"What? You got a joke to tell me? You better make it quick then, I doubt your mom will appreciate you staying up this late, harassing a sorority house for that matter." the words slipped from your lips before you could even lasso them back in, and immediately, the male halted his antics. An uncanny silence poised over you for the third time that night as you gulped down nothingness, omitting your growing anxiousness. The pang of regret was already beginning to web around you, its spidery legs creeping all over your body as you waited patiently. 'Did I piss him off? Did I royally fuck up?'

You almost jumped as a normal voice spoke close to the receiver.

"I'm going to kill you." prevailed as the final thing you heard before the line went dead in your clutch, a sudden waft of chilliness sawing through you.

'What the fuck.'

Tentatively, you placed the phone back down in its respective compartment─hopefully for the last time that night─and paced two steps back from its plateau. His words dispersed inside your brain as you tried to collect your bearings, the frost-bite tone he held swelling louder and louder, drumming against your skull. A shaky sigh managed to escape your lips as you gathered yourself, mentally face-palming. "Stupid, he just said that to scare you. No need to be so worked up." you softly muttered as you glared daggers toward the plastic cable. With a final scoff, you stomped towards the light switch connected to the kitchen and flicked it off, allowing yourself to be bathed in darkness and take on whatever is obscuring among it. A yawn almost instantly evaded you afterward, feeling your exhaustion take its final bows. Not even bothering to take one last finalized glance at the house, you ambled up the carpeted staircase and made your way across your enclosure, not distinguishing the hazel-green eyes boring into the back of your head, pissed off and blood lust surfacing.

tearing my hair out, this took so fucking long and it's only pt.1. I know this might've been a little boring, but I swear the next part will actually have some mind-fucking because I believe billy would enjoy that type of torture. take this as a sample of me trying to get better at my writing. -cora

[honeyhotteoks]

hi everyone ♡ a little about where i've been and why i'm not posting....

so... it's no secret that i fell off the face of the earth when it comes to writing, and for that i just want to apologize. i know a lot of you have been waiting for the next chapter of tnt, further aurora updates, or just looking forward to some smutty kinktober one-shots...... but to be completely honest i haven't written in a little while.

i've been trying to but i keep coming up short, and i've been avoiding this blog ever since because i just feel bad for not being able to give you guys the stories you're waiting for. for that reason, i essentially took a creative break and decided not to respond to any messages about writing. i know that kind of sucks, but i know myself and i didn't want to promise "soon" when i knew that wasn't true.

i'm starting slowly to work on things again, and i really hope i'll be able to share some of that work with you soon, but genuinely i just needed space from working on fic and to be honest..... from the fandom. i love being an atiny, but there was a swell of negativity on twitter for a while and i've been feeling a little uninspired with the past year of content and endless touring and it all combined into me putting things off.

i'm also................................ much more of a multi now.... which i really never thought would happen but here we are. i have no idea if i'll actually start writing for any of those groups, but if i do, i hope some of you also enjoy those groups and you stick with me. a little blurb about my new biases and the groups i'm now following, etc. is at the bottom of this post.

as far as what's going on with my ateez work? here's a quick recap:

this night together: still in progress, i have ~4 chapters finished, but chap ten and some of the time skips have me a little stuck. once i iron that out and finish out the last 2-3 chapters after the arc that's written, i'll get back to posting. at this point i'd like to have it done so i can release it confidently and as a complete story. into the aurora: i have about half of book one edited, which will include some new scenes / cleaned up scenes, but nothing crazy. i'd like to start updating old chapters once everything is finalized. book two is.... slow going. i'm hoping a breath of fresh air will help, but it's still my goal to come back to these characters. one-shots: i have about 4-5 ateez one-shots that are half written. my plan is to finish these and release them as inspiration strikes to wrap them up.

thank you all for your patience, and all of your kind messages. so many people have checked in on me both anon and not, and even if i haven't responded it's meant so much as i work on coming back to writing. i may not be able to respond to all the messages since so many of them are in my inbox, but slowly i may chip away at them

i'll see you all very soon~

(so chai multi era.... in a whirlwind of discovering other kpop groups..... i've ended up a carat, a stay, a moa, and a hidden kard. again, no idea if i'll ever write for any of these groups, but.... my biases are below so who knows)

seventeen - s.coups (regularly wrecked by hip hop line + dino) stray kids - lee know + hyunjin txt - soobin (are we surprised tho) kard - bm + jiwoo (but also like basically ot4 let's be real here)

♡

[tartagliad]

i recently discovered your fics and OMG I GOT OBESESSED WITH YOUR WRITING! it's so good!!! i just loved your angst fics the most! can... can i make a request? if yes, would you do a part two about S/O is seriously injured/about to die? with al'haitham, ayato, thoma and kaveh? 👉👈

..nonnie, you should know that I never grinned so widely DJSJSHJSH- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND REQUEST, hope it's to your liking! ´･ᴗ･` (I POSTED THIS BEFORE 12 A.M HELP-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seriously Injured (pt. 2)

Summary: you got seriously injured and/or about to die (part 1)

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Characters: Alhaitham, Ayato, Thoma, & Kaveh (Candace, Ayaka & Tighnari mentioned)

G/N reader!

Genre: ANGST! >:3

Warnings: blood, major injuries, mentions of death, I still don't know much about Kaveh besides his quarrel with Alhaitham so bear with me T_T, I LOVE MAKING THEM SUFFER I'M SO SORRY-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At this point, everything felt like it was moving in slow motion

Both of you were adventuring the desert together when both of you got attacked by some ancient mechanics

He never anticipated it in the first place, it wasn't supposed to happened at all!

He ran to you and immediately pick you up, retreating from the mechanics to somewhere far more safe

Both of you arrived at a cave where he then sits you against a rock

"I'll get you treat up and get you somewhere safe, wait a bit.." he says as he takes out the first aid kit that he packed

Slowly and gently he starts dabbing the cotton dipped alcohol onto your wounds

You can't help but hissed at the pain, "..Haitham.. s-stop.." you weakly holding his wrist

He then looked at you, hands slowly started shaking, "but, it'll make you feel better.. let me help you.. it'll be okay.."

..At this point, it sounded like he's reassuring himself than asking your permission to let him treat you

You then let go of his wrist and let him continue

After done disinfecting your wounds with alcohol, he then started to wrap them with a bandage

"..mmh.." he heard the noise that you made, he thought he might've hurt you a bit too much-

Until he sees your eyes slowly closing, it immediately made him stop from whatever he's doing

"Hey, wake up.. don't close your eyes on me.." he gently taps your cheeks, clearly now covered in worry

It only makes it worse when you didn't even say anything.. not even a noise..

"God.. help me.." he muttered to himself, "..not now.."

Picking you up gently, he then rushed to Aaru Village, the only possible place that he could go

Holding you tightly as he ran past the burning temperature and the burning sun, he can't feel anything because your current self is haunting his head COMPLETELY

It felt like he was running for hours although it's only been a few minutes 'till he arrived there

Luckily, some of the villagers sees the two of you and bring you straight to Candace, putting you in a professional care

He was waiting at the dining room, sitting and staring blankly at the wall

Every bit of seconds, he keeps on thinking the time when you got hurt, it wounded him deeply

He didn't know what to do, for the first time in his life, he felt that he's really on the edge of feeling helpless..

Candace walks to him and told him that you'll be fine and that you'll have a rest a bit here..

He thanked her and went to the room you're at..

"..don't mind me.." silently whispers, he gently pulled a chair beside your bed, leaning his head on the empty spot beside you

He's very exhausted, both mind and physically. Looking at your unconscious form makes his heart sank more..

"I'm sorry.. I should've.. been more careful.." Haitham speaks to you and hold your hand gently, stroking it..

He keeps apologizing silently and makes a promise to himself to be more careful of you.. he then fall asleep, mumbling the same words..

"..I'll do better for you.. you'll be safer than before.. I can guarantee that.. I will guarantee that.."

"Y/N!!" Ayato screamed your name when you got struck by an electro kairagi

Your body fell to the ground, blood gushing out

Seeing you lying like that makes his blood boil, scraping all of his mercy away and murdered the kairagi in a blink

Holding his tears, he walks back to you.. shaking..

"..y/n.. I'm sorry.." he put his hand with just enough pressure on the large wound on your waist, preventing more blood from leaving your body

"..urk.." you squealed a bit, "it's okay, I'm here.." he soothes you, ripping a bit of the fabric from his clothes, wrapping it around the cut

"That should do it.." he whispers to himself. He then lift you up, walks back to the camp (it belonged to the Yashiro Commission since both you and him were out on an investigation)

You leaned to his chest, feeling his warmth. "shh shh, it's okay.. we're almost there.." he gently kisses your forehead. "mmh..-" you suddenly coughed up blood from trying to answer him, stained his clothes

This is exactly what he's SCARED of, "no no.. no.. hold on- they'll help you-" with that, Ayato started to run

"Stay a bit longer.. I beg of you.." he looks at you desperately

You leaned closer to him, you slowly lost some of your colours due to blood lost.

Ayato tries to keep you warm by pulling you closer to him, ..it's also so that.. y'know.. to feel that you're still breathing..

He's finally relieved that he managed to bring you back, the people who guarded the camp immediately take you and Ayato back to the medical team

They started treated you and Ayato have to wait in the other tent

He also got patched up for the cuts that he got from the bandits

As much as the wound stings, his head is foggy with the thought of you'll make it or not.. he's that terrified..

After he's done bandaged up and change his clothes, he moves to your tent...

Seeing most of your body covered up and stitched makes him upset

The medic team told him that you'll needed some time to wake up, maybe in a few days or so..

He couldn't hold his tears as he was now standing beside you, gently putting his forehead against yours.. his tears staining your cheeks as he sobs silently, stroking your hair ever so gently

What did he do wrong to deserve such punishment like this..? Waiting for you to wake up with no assurance when exactly you're going to be up..

"I'm sorry.. please don't leave me.. w-who will I be with.. when you're not.. here..? ..wake up.."

It all started when you told him that you were going to participate in a war with the Resistance to fight the Shogunate

Despite how much Thoma wanted to abolish the Vision Hunt Decree, he can't put you in that much risk-

This is a WAR that you're talking about, not some regular daily dose of training

You kept reassuring him that it'll be fine and you'll be back soon to him

He eventually agreed and helped you pack your things

The day finally arrived that you're leaving him, "I'll be back, okay?" you smiled at him and he nods, "alright.. be careful" he replied whilst giving you a short kiss

And with that, you're off with the Resistance, seeing your figure slowly getting further and further away already makes him lonely.. "I hope you're okay.." he mumbles, continuing his work

Days passed by, Thoma kept thinking how are you there..

The other servants tend to find him zoning out when he doesn't have any work on hand

He could think of ways what will happened to you, it makes him worry more since he's not there to see you or watch over you with his own eyes

Thoma also tend to not focus when Ayaka speaks to him, it only makes her more concerned about him

"Thoma.." Ayaka called him, "hm..? what is it m'lady?" he looked back at her, Ayaka then gave him a letter that was addressed to him, it was from the Resistance

Ayaka excused herself and leave him alone, knowing that he need some time since he's been worried about you.. and also because she already knows what's in the letter..

He immediately open it, reading the content that was written in it

..It hit him to only realized that it was a bad news, a really bad one

The letter was about you.. injured badly and now unconscious

By the time the letter arrived at the Kamisato Estate, you were already taken care off and they were looking after you

He fall on his knees.. crying that he regrets letting you go there..

Everything feels like a haze to him, he doesn't know if he's done the right thing to let you go there because both of you are helping the other vision holders or feel guilty that he now technically can't see you because the area is forbidden to get through

Thoma lied himself on the bed, hugging your pillow.. trying to find just a touch of comfort from it..

He can't tell what time is it now.. he's been crying and blaming himself for all of this while.. it clearly isn't his at all :(

The letter also told him that they would also inform him about you finally gaining consciousness

The problem is.. the letter hasn't been sent to him for 2 days..

Although the letter wrote that you wouldn't wake up in awhile...

He's slowly drowning in his own head and tears thinking about you.. He can't have a good sleep because nightmares always comes at him..

Come home..

"..where are you..? I'm sorry.. I should've at least be there for you.. I'm supposed to be your shield.. but.. here I am.. doing nothing but praying.."

(a/n: I haven't made a banner for him yet, so I'll use this gif for now :3)

The two of you ran into the Withering zone when helping him find some inspirations for his next project

Both of you were fighting the mutated monsters that came out from the tumor

"How are you holding over there, bub?" you asked him, he kills some of them, "Doing- ah- alright." he glanced at you for a bit

You were helping on his side until one of those three flowers about to shot him

You widened your eyes, quickly ran to him, "Kaveh! watch out!" you immediately pushed him away letting yourself take the hit for him

He fell down and looked at you, "y/n!" he shouted at you when you fall

Although the effect wasn't instant, both of you are aware that it's SO BAD-

"Kaveh- I'm fine..- urgh-" you said when holding your chest, clearly bleeding

"You're not fine- let's go get you somewhere safer" he then picked you up and ran out from the area

One thing that he knew he could take you is to Tighnari at Gandharva Ville

So that's where he's heading with you now

On the way there, he kept checking on you and asking you what you need

You just said everything is fine, but the effects are slowly spreading through your body

Your body is slowly getting weaker and it's getting hard to catch up with everything around you now

"hey, what's wrong??" Kaveh asked you, clearly getting more worried now

He gently rubbed your shoulder and picked up his pace

You leaned towards his chest more, closing your eyes, the effects started to show on you

"k-keep your eyes opened for a bit more, we're almost there.." he panted, arriving at one of the tree houses where Tighnari was

"what in the world is going on?" Tighnari stands up from his desk, glancing at him

He then explained to Tighnari what happened, and he then started to check up on you

Still panicking, Kaveh sat down outside the tree house where you were in, trying to calm himself down (although he can't-)

Deep in his mind, he kept repeating the moment you took the hit for him

"What kind of person am I letting my partner took a hit for me like that??" he thought at himself, clearly blaming himself as well

He should've realised that he was about to get attacked and at least he could get away from it! but no- you were the one who is more sensitive about the surrounding area than him-

Now what should he do? you're lying in bed unconscious with the effects still in you

His mind's now tormented into pieces.. his feelings are scattered everywhere

He's too emotionally fragile, especially when it comes to you..

It's hard for him to forgive himself after all that has happened

Kaveh doesn't sleeps for days until he sees your eyes have opened again..

If not.. then it'll be something that he'll heavily regret for not being careful with his surroundings..

You're far too precious for him to lose

"..Love.. I'm so sorry.. why didn't you let me do it..? Shouldn't I be the one who's supposed to be protecting.. you..?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[tojiscrack]

i can’t wait for the day the liar, liar fic gets so big and i can say i’ve been here SINCE THE LEVI FIC YOU STARTED because your fics are genuinely unlike any other fic i’ve ever read before.

you have me falling in love with even the OC’S, i usually hate oc’s. i can’t really name many fics off the top of my head that i actually liked reading bc as you said in your ‘about me’, i too have a particular way i imagine characters so when i read fics and see them completely different or acting (in my view) ‘cringe’, i immediately get off it. you’ll notice my reblogs are only your posts because i never reblog anything unless it is PERFECT, and my standards are HIGHH so the fact that you’ve managed to get me to reblog your posts is crazy to me. i love you and ur writing sm.

i’m WAITING for the day ‘liar, liar’ gets as big as say ‘7 minutes in heaven’ for example, (the chokehold that fic had on the aot fandom was CRAZY). and not to be… idk, rude(?), but i think your fic is WAYYYY better (and the plot hasn’t even STARTED yet). i’m gonna need people making tiktoks about ‘liar, liar’ STAT so i can have people to talk to about this other than my friend 😭

liar, liar masterlist here:

girl i've BEEN knowing u since the levi fic, which i believe began in august of 2022, so we've known each other for a good two years now, is that not WILD?? (that, and the fact that since august 2022, i've only released 7 chapters of soano, oops-)

'ur fics are genuinely unlike any other fic i've ever read before' -- wishing i was typing this on my phone instead of my laptop rn cuz i can't spam emojis expressing how flattered i feel with this section right here :(((( i'm so pleased u like my works (plural, 'cause despite ur username, and past username, being dedicated to levi and eren, you're out here supporting my jjk megumi fic too).

HELP I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD READ MY 'ABOUT ME' POST LMAOO. it was just put up there 'cause i needed to get that done and after putting it off for so long, i finally made it lolll. i stalk ur page every once in a while, so i'm well aware of your reposts being just my fics, and not to be big-headed about it, but i'd get so internally cocky just seeing that HAHAHA.

BUT, i was silent about it till now (YOU mentioned it first, nawt me, so i can happily respond this way without being seen as arrogant -- huzzah!). and idk how else to show i appreciate ur support and comments SM (that's including ur blazes which, ik i've spammed ur dm's already but seriously, i can't thank you enough for, it's like another function of tipping which is super SUPER cool of u).

'i’m waiting for the day liar, liar gets as big as say 7 mins' -- aww STOPPPP. i'd love for my stories to have a hold over the jjk fandom, but idk, if we're being real, i feel like the gojo (unreleased) story i have planned will reach more ppl seeing as it features THE satoru gojo (my princess who also happens to be THE princess of anime). but liar liar seems to be growing every day (thanks to YOUR blazes, which again, u really don't have to do ml). if it does ever reach a wider audience, i'll remember you for sure. i'll remember a handful others who are og's too, but you were my first EVER reader ALTOGETHER and i PROMISE you i won't forget that <3

[mitskook]

a very mitskook 2023 wrap-up

hi everyone

so i didn't write very much in 2023, that much is apparent. now i'm not gonna sit here act like that's a massive loss considering the vast amount of extremely talented writers that produced wonderful work this year, but i am still disappointed in myself from, i guess, a labour of love perspective. i look at the work i have contributed to the fandom over the years and i still have more i want to add, more stories i want to tell (trust me the wip folder makes me weep too).

but every time i wanted to write, the idea of making a love story made me so miserable i had to scrub it from my head. and worse, when i pushed past that obvious discomfort, the love in those stories soured into resentment, rage, and a cruelty i couldn't justify (to this audience at least). particularly with tsdverse, this next installment is about m'boys really grappling with conflicts that have no easy answers (if they have answers at all) and man am i so fucking glad i wrote that flashforward with heejin to keep a north star on where they would end up because if i hadn't, i would've completely shattered them in a misdirected fireball of righteous grief. im glad i had that to hold on to bc i haven't had much else.

my 2023 has been. uh. trying amongst the good stuff (and i promise there was some good stuff) but not this. my mum had a heart attack, i was fired for not coming back to work straight after her surgery, and i was couch surfing and unemployed for long enough i felt like i'd wrecked my life forever. and, of course, i was mourning my relationship that ended at the end of last year, and to be honest i'm still not done with that. that's the absolute joy and misery of tying your heart to someone you're hoping will be around forever: your eyes don't see anything the same anymore, certain songs that come on shuffle make you break down on the tube, you realise huge swathes of your social media presence, including ao3, were built for one person and it wasn't you, and now? all those things are monuments to the emptiness you feel every time you remember they're not in your life anymore.

to be extremely clear, i'm not blaming my ex for these feelings, and if anyone harasses them on my behalf i will personally hunt you down and gut you with a knitting needle, but in missing them as much as i do i realised how inextricable they were from my writing process. i mostly wrote fic to make them happy, to hear their praise and notes and excitement to read the rest, and that was unfair on everyone; me, them, and you (if you look forward to my work, i don't wanna presume lmao). that's too much pressure to put on someone who just wasn't interested in bangtan rpf anymore, and that's normal, it's okay to move on from that, but it meant even before the breakup i didn't know who i was doing it for anymore. that level of directionlessness (<- not a word but whatever) gummed up those creative gears until they had no choice but to stop.

anyway to maybe cap this pity party a bit, i want to start sharing my writing more on here, and i won't wait for people to clamour to let me know that that's wanted bc again, i need to start rebuilding my confidence in my writing and feeling out where i fit into this community after basically silently moping around for a full year. i want to sincerely thank everyone who's ever read my work. i won't promise to do anything but my best, and in the meantime i'll give all the snippets to you.

lots of love

zeeb "hyperlight" mitskook

[rose-red-ink]

Intro Post

Hi there, I'm rose-red-ink, but you can call me Inky! I'm a writer, and a lover of all things nerdy. I'm also an elementary teacher, so I reblog education stuff occasionally. Feel free to drop into my dms or asks if you want to chat about fandom, fic, or anything else!

This is a writing blog where I write lots of things including anime and Star Wars fic, as well as original projects. I'll be dropping links to them and dropping a short summary below. Enjoy your stay, and again, I always enjoy asks and engagement! Come talk to me (I don't bite I promise)

Original Works

My Original WIP is tagged with #theartemiscovenant or #theartemisproject or just #TAC. I don't have a lot of it posted, but I'm happy to chat about it whenever.

It's an urban fantasy thriller about faith, trauma, familial love, and working through your mental illness to become a better person. The protagonist is the holder of the Artemis Covenant, Riley, and there are other "god" characters such as Hades, Persephone, Apollo, Hermes and Demeter, as well as other supernatural creatures like werewolves.

Fanfiction

Everything under here can be found on my A03

If you send in an ask for anything I write, I'd happily drop you a drabble. Just ask!

Star Wars

Force Mandated Bottle Episode (Sequels Rewrite, including Reylo) Ongoing, updated every Saturday

Related Web Weaving

When Finn and Poe escape from the First Order ship, Kylo Ren takes off after them. When both ships are damaged, they crash on Jakku, right into the Star Destroyer that Rey is scavenging from.

Finn is longing for freedom while unable to escape the thoughts of those he left behind. Poe is determined to be the most annoying hostage possible to his old surrogate brother. Kylo is trying to survive Poe while being plagued with curiosity; who is the woman he keeps hearing at the edges of his mind? And new powers are awakening in Rey, powers that seem to be the source of the visions of a strange man in black, exploring the same wreckage, just out of her reach.

Choices will be made, loyalties tested, and bonds forged. Where will they go when they emerge from the wreckage?

One Piece

Featherflower (Dracule Mihawk X OC) Completed

A Kuja named Teria is forced to leave Amazon Lily, and finds herself a home aboard the Red Force, working under the Red Haired Shanks. This puts her face to face with a mysterious swordsman several times. The two form a connection, and eventually, love blooms.

This one is done, but I still write mini fics for them as the inspo strikes.

The Punk and the Surgeon: Lawka (Trafalgar D. Water Law x OC) Ongoing

Law's ship needs repairs, and the only place to do so is said to be haunted. Instead of a ghost or spirit, he meets Aika; a stubborn, kind young woman who's doing her best to keep her family safe. Through a series of tragic circumstances, she finds her way onto his crew, and into his heart.

Cards and Pieces: Freyce (Portgas D. Ace x OC) Ongoing

In his time as captain of the Spade Pirates, Ace drunkenly stumbles across a young woman with a strong spirit, a need for connection, and a loyalty that burns brighter than the sun. She becomes his first mate, and stands by his side through everything.

Jujitsu Kaisen

Candy and Catastrophes (Bluebird) (Satoru Gojo x OC) Ongoing

Natori is wildly thrown into the world of jujitsu sorcery when her cursed technique manifests, leaving her confused and scared. Satoru Gojo steps in, promising to hide her identity from her clan and to give her a job at Jujitsu High, masquerading as a window. He gets more than he bargained for when attraction begins to stir between the two.

(This fic is focused on character development, fluff, and hurt/comfort. It will go off the course of canon for these reasons)

[aelinschild]

Hey Friends,

It's been a while. It's been a very long time. And, unsurprisingly, I would guess, I'm here to announce that I am done writing here. It probably comes as no surprise, given my considerable lack of activity over the last however long I've been gone. But, I felt like it would be good to have some closure, no matter what (maybe this is just for myself, who knows). 

Long story short, I'm in a completely new stage of my life at the moment. I'm in a new country, surrounded by new people, and facing a new challenge that is the beginning of the rest of my professional life. It's been a extremely tumultuous journey to get here, but it's a privilege and a honour I'm not taking lightly. But because of that, I've been focused elsewhere, rather than on writing. I actually don't think I have opened a Google doc in over three months, nonetheless thought of writing anything - and that does sadden me a little, I won't lie. But my priorities change, and so do my passions (and the medium I exercise them on). 

So, all of this is to say that my hiatus - whenever I posted about that originally - is now going to be permanent. And this comes from more than just my disinterest in fanfiction writing, and to keep it brief; I began to enjoy a different fandom, and over the course of a year, it proved to mess with my mental health tremendously. So much so that it was a large part of my original hiatus. I was reminded of it's negative impact on me when I, completely randomly, opened the tumblr app this evening, only to feel like absolute shit after closing it 20 minutes later. And I realized that, more than just getting closure on a passion project I really loved, I needed to delete this app for the betterment of my mental health. 

I'm not sure if I have an audience left, not that I really had much to begin with, but I want to thank everyone who supported me, encouraged me, and interacted with me during my writing period. Don't think I didn't see the silent likes and reblogs from the same accounts over and over - I did. And I appreciated them more than I can explain. 

Tumblr, and my blog, was an escape for a girl who really needed to find a community and a place to get out all these ideas about this obsession she had about her favourite book series, and I'm so grateful I found this space. Truly. But, the time has come to and end, and so I want to say goodbye. 

I won't be deleting my account, but I will be deleting the app. I don't have many fics, or much of substance, but I'll keep it up for whatever reason I cannot currently provide, but selfishly have. I will not ever likely be back, but there is a chance you'll see my writing again (very slim, so don't count on it) through a fic I partnered up with a very talented other writer to work on, that also hasn't been touched in many months, but I won't say never to finishing it just yet. No promises. 

Anyways, this is my long winded goodbye, so thank you if you made it to the end here, and thank you for even sticking around this long that you are able to read this. 

Forever,

Ace

[groenendaelfic]

Regarding the Fate of As Long as We Have Each Other

Dear Anons,

First let me say that I absolutely love your wonderful messages and compliments. They give me life and I treasure them and few things cheer me up more than a nice word or two about my fics and knowing I'm not just typing into the void.

I'll keep trying my best to answer asks if they include questions or bring up interesting points others might be interested in as well (in fact there are quite a few I have been putting off answering because I want to do it properly and that'll probably take an hour or two each, but I haven't forgotten about them!) and you can always message me with other stuff so I don't have to answer publicly (although admittedly it sometimes takes a while for me to reply because irl and anxiety), and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but please,

PLEASE stop sending me melodramatic asks regarding the fate of As Long as We Have Each Other. I get that you are impatient, but they aren't helpful and I got eight of them over the past ten days.

Don't get me wrong, a 'btw I still love that fic, will there be an update anytime soon?' is totally okay and appreciated, those are not the kind of asks I'm talking about.

Now I'm not sure if it's one anon or multiple ones, but my answer hasn't changed so let me copy/paste it from a previous post:

I have decided to finish A Pack of Two first,

Not because I love it more, but because it'll be a MUCH 'shorter' fic than ALaWHEO and I simply cannot keep switching between feral!Wille pov and official boyfriend!Simon pov, especially because both have a very narrow pov and are only aware of like a third of what's going on, and it's driving me bananas.

So yes, As Long as We Have Each Other is going on a short break, but I will definitely get back to it once APoT is done because I'm as enthusiastic about the story as I was on day one, maybe even more so.

ALaWHEO is my favorite fic across all of my fandoms and my baby, but I simply cannot write both it and APoT at the same time. I thought I could or else I wouldn't have started APoT, but I can't and so I had to make a choice.

If it helps, both my notes doc and my outline for ALaWHEO have grown significantly over the past seven weeks and it will definitely end up being over 400k, but only AFTER APoT is done.

Also in all my 23 years of being in fandom (in fact my fandom anniversary will be in 4 days! wtf is time even?) I have only ever given up on posting one fic that made it over 20k and that was because the fandom was an absolutely toxic dumpster fire and not because I lost interest, and even that fic I one day plan to go back to and post in its entirety once the fandom has shrunken considerably and all the 'I might not speak the language or have ever been to the country, but I've read a fan translation with footnotes and a few background posts and so now I totally know the time period and topic you've written your thesis on better than you' people have lost interest. So I promise ALaWHEO will get finished. I'm a completionist. I have all Civ6 steam achievements and believe me that was not fun. The only reason ALaWHEO will not be finished is if I am suddenly for whatever reason unable to write anymore (aka dead or gravely ill).

Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I don't want to call anyone out or seem unappreciative, but my anxiety can only handle so many versions of 'have you completely abandoned ALaWHEO? do you hate it? do you hate me personally for once stating that I didn't like abo fic? I don't know how my poor heart will be able to cope if you give up on ALaWHEO forever and ever but my hope lives on' (no that was not as much of an exaggeration as you might think)

So please stop or I'll disable anon asks, which I'd hate to do because I love hearing everyone's thoughts and comments and also it'd be unfair to everyone else who has been so absolutely lovely, motivating, encouraging and most of all inspiring.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. (are those still a thing?)

[hyperbolicgrinch]

Teehee,,, here she comes,,, to ask,,, questionnnnnsss, (no pressure of course bestie) 1, 5, 12, 13, 16, 25, 29, 33 and 34 !!! But no pressure to anything!!! no pressure to answer either <3 I’m on laptop so this is a v boring ask i apologise it won't let em format this at all :(

There she is!!!! To ask questions!!! (Bless you for fighting the laptop to send me these, ilysm 💕)

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

I simply can't. It's impossible. I never look directly at my writing so I don't know her well enough 😂

Okay, fine, fine, she's mid, that's what I'll say?? So ⭐⭐ ?? Not doing anything spectacular but gets the job done more than not?

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

Maybe my All Out!!! requested ones because I actually finished and posted them, which was a miracle 😌✌️

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

Honestly I'm really excited about a silly modern university One Piece au I'm sort of doing on the side sometimes when I need a breather from other fics. Even though I've barely written anything officially for it, it's a cumulation of all my sister's and my 2am ramblings and silly little biased ideas and I just really wanna bring them to life so she can read them. 😂

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Ooo, if my memory serves right it was One Piece or Supernatural. I didn't ever finish or publish any of them but yeah- gateway drugs.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

Let me think, what's at the top of my head right now...

Argh, I guess I like when arseholes catch feelings for each other but still stay arseholes about it adsfggh 😅

Ohhhh and where one of them gets injured or beat up or whatever and the other dickhead is like "tell me who did this to you" while cradling their face or something hnggg 😳👉👈

Or when they've been complete dicks to each other but one of them turns up on the doorstep of the other cause they had nowhere else to go and then they have to deal with each other and they fall in luvvvv 😏

I also really am a bitch for the bastard is in love with and pining for other character (in fiction!!! In fiction!!!!). ugh if done right and pulled off well (in fiction!!!! In fiction!!!), I am unfortunately on the edge of my seat 🫣

Love me a bitch that gets jealous and starts acting out too (in fiction!!!!!) because as a bitch that do get jealous (not to that level, I am not pulling that crap, I promise) it speaks to me a little ngl 🫢

Ooooo and the fuck the whole world, I choose you thing. Like if they damn the whole world for their person/people then I'm there. I'm right there. It's gotta be done right thooooo but to be fair, it's pretty hard to mess up 😌

Okay gonna stop outing myself on main because I could go on adafgdhjy and just end with, not really a guilty pleasure, just a pleasure, but if there's a forehead press I am on the floor every time. The chef's are kissing with tongue!! Nothing like a forehead press!!! 😍

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Okay so the big One Piece one I'm working on atm, I keep having an urge to make a sequel after it that let's me kinda do a fix it au and teams the characters up again for a joint revenge plot. I can see it in my mind but making it work is going to be a lot. Still love to daydream about it tho 😂

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Hmm. Well atm I'm writing a lot of seggs and I'm not that (pun intended) jazed about writing it because it's not really my thing or in my wheelhouse, so that might count?

Don't know how it turned out cause it ain't finished yet but pray for me. It's a slog but the uglies must be bumped, I guess (instantly regrets saying that) 🙃

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I'd need an audience first, pfftt 🤭

Nah, um, that it takes literal years and none of that shit is written in order. It's all an illusion, babbeyyy!!

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

Crikey okay everything I'm writing at the moment is pissing me off so here's something I wrote in like 2016 and haven't touched since but that I think about often (even if I would change most of it today) because of a compliment I got on it. 😙

(It was for a Zoro pov zolu ficlet after the timeskip meet up when all the crew gets back together again in One Piece because that arc always leaves me with some damn big feelings and they have to go somewhere 👁️👄👁️)

"I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"

And he will be.

And Zoro will be there when he does, because oh, he's not leaving this thundering feeling for anything in the world ever again.

He shuts his one good eye, and smiles.

The heavens will hear Luffy's name long before they ever hear his own.

[classongoing]

Just watched Class for the first time and wanted to see more- this blog hasn't posted since October 2022, is the project officially dead?

Hello! Matt (@intuitive-revelations) here. Welcome to the fandom!

Not officially 'dead', but admittedly in a deep coma right now. It's my fault, as it's been waiting on me completing episode 5, which has been stuck in development hell for a while as I've been busy with my PhD.

What little time I do have for writing nowadays is also currently going towards something a bit more professional/official that I'm very excited about, but hopefully that should be mostly done this month...

I have been thinking about Class: Ongoing recently though, so this ask came at a good time! Mainly thanks to renewing the classongoing.com url and internally debating whether to keep the Twitter "X" up after having deleted my own account.

While I'm not sure if I can promise episode 5 will be released in 2023 (I'm going to start my thesis in October, so who knows how much time I'll have), I think I can promise some new content of some sort this year? So watch this space I guess.

[lifeofkaze]

"Where We'll Go From Here" or "Where the Hell I've Been"

l don't think there's ever been a post writing which has hurt as much as this one, but, well, let's get it over with.

Those of you who follow this blog (and have for a while) will maybe have noticed that I've become rather quiet, lately. Have for a while, actually, but increasingly so since the beginning of 2023.

There's been reasons for this, of course. Looking at my history since starting this blog a little over 2 years ago, I've made well over 9.000 posts, written and completed 3 multichapter fics of over 100k words each, contributed heavily to a fandom-wide project, and written over 100 (jeez...) published or unpublished short stories.

My life has changed significantly since I started all this. The baby I had then has grown into a very active child, lockdowns have ceased, and I'm back at work again. I've made some fantastic friends on here, some of which I lost again and some of which went beyond anything I could ever have imagined finding on the internet. And not only I have changed - the fandom has, too. Maybe that's what's changed the most.

And, truth be told, I'm tired. Being an active part of this changed fandom has turned me into a perpetually anxious person, who is always somehow occupied with all the drama that is going on here or behind the scenes - so much so that I struggle to actually be present where it matters.

I've become so tired that I fail to find the excitement I used to feel for both my work and the work of others. I have lost the energy to give my stories and characters the focus they need and deserve, and the prospect of diving into another multichapter project positively petrifies me. And I hate it. I hate it being like this.

There's so many things that make me tired. So many things that have gone wrong and weigh on me, even though I usually only let a very small number of people know. I'm tired of competing for faceclaims, attention, of being part of a system where all you can ultimately do is lose. Either you further the ridiculousness by being part of it, or you try to be the better person and sit there with your frustration until the wish to see good in everything and everyone turns to something impossible to uphold.

Over the last two years, my work and I have been mocked, dragged, and even downright plagiarised. Sometimes it happened to my face, sometimes behind my back, where it was impossible for me to see were it not by coincidence. Of course, there's also so many good things that have happened. The friendships - the deep, deep, genuine friends I've made - the excitement about each other's content, about bringing into existence a little world that is there only for us and our happiness.

But, as it usually is in life, sadly, the bad tends to overshadow the good, and every mean word, every accusation, everything that's happened has been eating away at me for a long time, and it's finally become too much for me. I tried fighting the pessimism by working harder, by being better, by putting pressure and perfectionism on myself and my work where it's wrongly placed. As a result, I've lost my passion for what I used to love most. I used to write from my heart, and now, it's all my head. Writing has become a chore I need to tick off my list to hasten on to the next project, the next short, the next challenge, the next big story, comment, reblog, ask... all to show everyone and myself that the bad things can't touch me if I only focus hard enough.

And now, there are no words left in me. They have dried up, at least for now.

So...

What happens now?

Firstly, I'll wrap everything I have in an active publishing stage, namely A Search for Balance and Before the Spark. I will also try and stick with the 12 Months of Magic challenge, but no promises on that. And after that?

Truth is, I don't know.

I know that I'm not done with my stories. What I don't know is whether my stories are done with me. I have so much more I want to tell you, so much more that is already planned and prepped. I want to experience all these stories together with you, but if the spark is gone, it's gone, and I'm too tired to run after it for now.

I will take some time to step back and reassess. Gather my words and see what I can salvage from the rubble. I need to relearn being imperfect, writing for fun instead of form. I need to find my excitement again, for my stories as well as all of yours.

I don't know if I'll be gone entirely. Knowing me, probably not. What I do know is that I need to relieve the pressure this hobby has turned into. I want to be here when I want to, and not because there's things I need to react to, and networking to be done, and stuff I mustn't miss. My blog remains open, my characters available, I invite you to tag me if you think I might like something. I will answer comments. I will play games. I will reblog stuff I like. I will post stories, if I feel like it.

I don't want to leave, just breathe.

I will try and save as many of your stories as I can, and I will read them when I want to (and oh boy, I WANT to). It might be that you won't get a reblog, or a comment-less reblog, not because your work isn't worth it to me, but because it's the best I can offer you atm. I'm not happy with it, but it is what it is, and I can't change it.

And if all this means your engagement with my stories will take dive... well, so be it. That's something I can't change either. I just wanted to be honest with you.

I do hope that everything will return to normality once everything slows down a little and that my stream of words hasn't run dry for good. I really, honestly do.

And if you actually took the time to read this sermon of a rant that was never intended to be this long (some things don't change after all, eh?) - I love you. From the bottom of my heart.

Take care, everyone 💛

[donnas-dollface]

"you’re a bandit like me, eyes full of stars”

last updated; Nov. 18, 2024

Requests: opened for Arcane

time zone: (GMT -7)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚about me; 17, she/they pronouns, demi lesbian - hi!! i'm Kaylee. I like to play sports, and singing taylor swift lyrics when needed. I live to yap especially about my wife :3

my blog; The Last of Us, TLOU 2, Red Dead Redemption 2, Arcane League of Legends, Call of Duty MWII... - a couple of fandoms I'm involved in, and write for :) i may add more or remove a few depending on what changes, what I'm obsessed with, etc etc,.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚personal rules: I don't mind adults interacting my blog and content, however i draw my line at NSFW blogs and trying to message me. I also don't mind being friends/mutuals with anybody, though i would appreciate it if we kept flirting out it (i have a girlfriend whom I love dearly). I have the habit of isolating when i’m stressed so i apologize if i accidentally ghost you.

Blogs Rules;

THIS BLOG IS LGBTQIA+ FRIENDLY. if that makes you uncomfortable, it's best you just leave. i mean c'mon, I'm literally a lesbian.

I HEADCANNON CERTAIN CHARACTERS AS LGBTQ+. that makes you mad, no clue what to tell you lmao.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE FOR ANYBODY (EXCEPT CREEPS) i promise I don't judge and I don't mind anybody venting to me. we're all human here and I'll do my best to make you feel welcomed.

DISCLAIMER; IT'S NOT COMPLETELY SFW HERE. i tend to be overzealous about things and sometimes the humor will show out

Tags;

.kaylee's yapping - feel free to block this tag!! this is where i ramble and just talk nonsense so if you don't wanna listen :3

.lovey dovey- me talking about my super amazing and beautiful girlfriend

.mailbox! - where i respond to anons/moots/requests/asks and anything under that category!! feel free to stop by and say hey time to time!

.moots<3 - my mutuals!! each has their own specific tag, and this is where we yap.

i cannot promise but I will TRY to tag all posts appropriately, but i apologize if I don't beforehand. I'm very forgetful and welp-

Requests Rules;

I DON'T TAKE REQUESTS ROMANTICIZING ANY SENSITIVE TOPICS; by this i mean I don't take requests romanticizing or glamorizing rape, domestic violence, abuse, suicide, self-harm, racism, homophobia, transphobia, pedophilia, and so on.

I DON'T WRITE HARD CORE SMUT; i don't write smut or anything with sex. i however don't mind writing make-out scenes or hickey scenes. do forgive me though, I may write it a bit weird(i have 0 experience) but I'm not opposed to criticism!

I DON'T WRITE ANYTHING INVOLVING; homophobia, transphobia, pedophilia, incest, pro-shipping, or yandere themes. like heavy heavy themes.

I ONLY WRITE FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS; i just really love and appreciate women, it's the lesbian in me

I WILL ACCEPT ANYTHING INVOLVING POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIPS IF YOU PLEASE; i don't mind it really I've done it before. just not like sibling x reader x siblings please.

I ACCEPT FICS FOR COPING WITH STUFF BUT PLEASE PUT A TW OR CW WITH IT; i get it, we love to imagine our favorite comfort characters comforting us with our issues, but a warning of knowing what I'm getting into is appreciated, cause i too have parental issues and trauma

I ACCEPT REQUESTS WITH MORE THAN ONE CHARACTER; but also for longer requests, i appreciate it if we'd limit it? i don't wanna burn myself out

I HAVE A LIFE TOO, SO PLEASE BE PATIENT WHEN REQUESTING; I'm a senior in highschool, and i do do extracurriculars sometimes after school, so please be patient with me. i also have familial issues, so sometimes it burns me out. In addition, I have seasonal depression and autumn makes it a littlee harder.

that's all for now. throughout my time here this will probably be edited so check in time to time, thanks.

- kaylee

[jadeile-writes]

Fanfic Progress Update 159

Howdy hi, it's 2024 now and that's kinda weird, tbh. Stay tuned for a sneak-peek for A Sign that you're important at the bottom of this post!

Current WIPs:

A Sign that you're important

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary: One month upon his assigment as Doctor Robotnik's assitant, Agent Stone is told to learn sign language. He doesn't know why, and isn't suicidal enough to ask, so he simply rolls with it. Turns out, it's not just a whimsy of the eccentric doctor, even though that doesn't stop the doctor from utilizing it like one.

Progress: Chapter 3 was posted on 4th of January. The fourth chapter will be posted on 11th of January aka the next Thursday. Chapter 4 is finished and ready to be posted. Chapter 5 is 1/3rds written and... well, I might have to write a chapter 6 purely out of "I don't think everything I had in mind will fit in this chapter actually", but we'll see. Might just write a longer chapter instead, depends. Or I'll cook the planned ending of this chapter into an epilogue. So many options.

-----

Life at the laboratory (I'm starting to not like this title, might change it)

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog, movieverse

Summary:

"Wanted: a yesman who is capable of operating an espresso machine, has at least a higher IQ than your average amoeba, and is willing to put work before having a personal life, or indeed a life, period. The extra in your pathetic paycheck is good, but the strain in your psyche will make up for the positives. Forfeit your basic human rights and apply today if this sounds like you." 

Maybe it said something about Agent Stone - and probably not good things - that the poster in the cafeteria's pin board piqued his interest more than any of his official assignments had for a good long while. 

Dr. Robotnik, huh?

Progress: This one will be part one of a two-parter longfic, the first part probably... 10-ish chapters? It's a bit hard to estimate at this point, so the number is subject to change - will probably end up being increased tbh. My weekly writing hour (as in, a specific hour when I sit down and write, no excuses [other than not being home]) is devoted to this fic.

I have the first four chapters completely written. Chapter 5 has enough words to be done, but the scene isn't finished yet, so it's still a work in progress. It's close to done tho; I'll probably finish writing it after I'm done with this blog.

I also have two halfway written chapters that don't yet know their exact placement within the fic (they're scenes that will be slotted in to wherever they feel natural, once we get Stone settled in.)

-----  

Other WIPs I’m not currently working on but intend to get back to Someday™:

PoE Drabbles (Pillars of Eternity)

DC Drabbles (Justice League)

Diaphanous Relations (Forgotten Realms, R.A. Salvatore’s books)

Rolling with it (Zelda: BotW)

Hah, our afterlife is the most hilarious bushwa, dearest! (Hazbin Hotel)

-----

That’s it for the WIPs! Here’s the promised sneak-peek into A Sign that you're important (Note: the text may end up slightly different in the fic itself due to more editing happening before publishing). Enjoy!

As shocking as finding out about the doctor being deaf was – and it had been, Stone had completely forgotten about it being a possibility and had just embraced the normalcy of the lab crew using sign language Just Because, so finding out about the hearing aids had left him reeling for the rest of that night – the life at the lab returned back to normal eventually. Eventually, because as ashamed as Stone was to admit it even in the privacy of his own head, he had absolutely treated the doctor differently for a good week or two at first.

He had found himself speaking louder and clearer a couple of times, until he caught himself doing it and adjusted back to his normal volumes, mentally berating his own idiocy. If the doctor had noticed, he had gracefully let it slide – which meant the doctor probably hadn't noticed, because he wasn’t known for being graceful nor letting things slide. Not that he was known for not noticing things either. It was a mystery that Stone was happy to leave as such, if it meant he avoided getting yelled at for defaulting to ableist bullshit.

He had also found himself unconsciously making more noise when he was approaching the doctor out of the field of his vision. He actually hadn’t caught himself developing the habit until the doctor complimented him for it, of all things.

-----

That’s it this time. See you next Saturday!

Links:

My AO3   My FFnet   My Ko-fi    Radiohusk Discord Server

[xxdr3amsnatchrrxx]

Doll Boy did a cringe.

this issue was something i felt i should've addressed when it first started and is long over due as my previous apology was bogged down with ridiculous reasoning for my behavior. i'm only hoping that this post will rectify that.

I will have this be rebloggable only due to me wanting this to be seen by those i've effected or for anyone to add onto what i did so i can properly address it.

i also want it to be known that no one made me do this, no one made me make this post. i chose to write this because i felt like i needed to. no one called me out and this isn't drama.

LASTLY PLEASE DO NOT HARASS ANYONE IN THIS POST. EVEN THOSE I DIDN'T NAME. I DO NOT WANT MORE PEOPLE BEING HURT. IF YOU HARASS ANYONE DUE TO THIS POST I WILL BLOCK YOU WITHOUT QUESTION

TL;DR: I, the user Baby Dollinkz, previously known as Pastel Snorpy and Neon Drawinkz, acted chronically online and straight up abusive and told everyone they had to follow cannon while also saying people don't have to draw colorful muppets a specific way. and then afterwards tried to manipulate someone to feel bad for blocking me.

Full Apology under cut because it gets long.

this is pointed towards the bugsnax fandom.

i've been trying to distance myself due to my behavior when i lashed out on the behalf of someone's comfort and then after that blamed the people i was in a call at the time for my action.

none of the people in that call are to blame for how i acted. i was the dumbass acting out of pocket and should've just dropped the subject.

this was something i chose to do without properly thinking how i could effect others. and distancing myself wasn't a proper thing to do as it was just avoiding the problem as a whole.

i specifically targeted the user flooftyfizzlebeans/sophdoesart for shipping Lizeggty and tried to justify it with my bullshit reasons. which was the most chronically online thing i've done and personally promised myself not to do that again. which luckily i haven't done so at least from what i remember.

after the first post i made vaguing about them in a hateful shitposty way i woke up the next day seeing people telling me that i messed up and should apologize. which led me to making my first "apology" which was just a pity party explaining why i was right and everyone was wrong.

make it worse in between posts i cried and whined about how i was (rightfully) soft blocked by an ex friend and essentially tried to manipulate people to feel bad for me being a little shit.

and to that ex friend and soph, i completely understand if you choose to disregard this apology and/or feel this apology wasn't done well. you don't have to forgive me and you can ignore this.

this is me putting it out there that im trying to change as the person. hopefully i'll figure out why i've acted the way i have. I'm sorry you had to deal with my behavior.

please stay safe out there.

[nemossubmarine]

🤔 🦖🥳🪩🎉?

🤔 Are there any new characters you want to write about? I'm currently writing a Big Bang for a completely new fandom fic-wise (Warhammer), so that's something new. After that I need to jump into writing a short story for a competition (also Warhammer). Whatever I'll do after that, something different might do me good. Maybe when Hades II comes out to Alpha I'll get into that game (no promises tho).

🦖 Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you'd like to return to? Haha I have like a two dozen half-finished fics I look at regularly and sigh wistfully, including a couple of long fics (Yugioh, Hobbit and Ace Attorney at least) I'd love to finish some day. Some of them have even been plotted to the end! If I only had the time. :P

🥳 How are you going to celebrate when you achieve one of your writing goals? I really have not thought about it, but I definitely need to do something nice for myself when the Big Bang is done (it has ballooned from 10k to 40k, woops). Maybe I'll get myself a piece of cheesecake.

🪩 Do you have any "good" writing habits you want to cultivate? I would like to get more thoughtful in using my allotted 2 x 15 minutes coffee breaks at work for writing. Maybe start having them always at the same time, get that cup of tea, get a few hundred words in. Get a little break from having to think about work and not feel bad if I don't have the energy to write after work.

🎉 How are you going to be kind to yourself if you don't meet your goals? I mean, getting something as big as a Big Bang done at the start of the year does help with being kind to oneself ("Look I already did this!"). Every year it does get easier to be understanding of oneself, I don't write as much as when I was studying, but I'm not studying anymore, and tho there's a lot of actual free time and I dont have to do homework, there's still lot to do work-wise and taking care of my home-wise. Best not to compare yourself too much to past years and be happy with things you do at the point you do them.

[hideyseek]

12.15.2022

hmm started talking to myself about the writing process during my lunch break so i wanted to jot some ideas down while they're fresh. lots of fic talk below the cut, mostly about reunion!fic, which i'm writing for the kazetsuyo january fandom event.

i'm definitely worried about my ability to produce all of the writing i want to / need to / am promised to produce by the end of this year! mostly i am worried about reunion!fic, which i'm writing for kazeweek 2023! and also i am juggling my secret saito fic. i've never had two writing projects w/ deadlines in the same overlapping space (bc never been active in two fandoms at once) however, i am reminding myself that: 1. i am a much faster writer than i was two years ago! 2. it will be fine!!!!! (can u tell i simply did not have a second thing but wanted to commit to this list format lol)

here are the things i'm not too sure about:

what will the revision process look like? i don't really remember what it was like to thoroughly revise a piece of writing because the last time i did that was ... like jul/aug of 2020 which is now 2+ years in the past

i really want to make sure i'm making interesting narrative choices with what happens in reunion!fic, and part of that is just: i want to make sure i'm not writing the same thing that has been written four million times already! i've done a fair amount of trawling through ao3 reading things tagged "reunion" or "10 years later" or other similar tags, but i'm just not particularly good at this kind of thematic story pattern-matching or narrative elements synthesis. there are a few fics about group reunions (well, one in particular) that i have read and LOVED, so at some point in the revision process i might reread and try to poke at what makes me love them so much.

however!!!!! i will be saved by tvtropes! i did a really quick search this morning before work, and there are a couple pages about reunion stories that i'll take a look at that can hopefully help me pull back and take a more bird's eye view of the story and where it's going.

i don't remember at what point i used to like, split off and just start rewriting the whole fic essentially from scratch in a clean doc. no idea how i used to do that, the thought of having to do this for reunion!fic is ... hugely intimidating and i really don't want to. i'll need to come up with some strategies for how i can do that same revision work but ... not in that one large chunk, but i have ideas. in terms of at what point to move to a new doc ... not sure! i would love to decide beforehand but i don't actually think that's necessary. oh -- no i just remembered: i moved stuff when i was going to start working on it. so after i piece together the down draft, i'll copy the whole thing into a new doc and work off that for my first round of revisions, and then send that copy to betas, and then create a THIRD doc with the raw content of the second draft to work on as i go through beta comments. this is fully just: i love archiving things sooooo much. but hey! it'll work, it'll separate things into pretty distinct stages. i think it will work fine, and i can always reflect and revise the process afterward.

anyway! i was thinking through the strategies that got me to the final draft of a to b (or really, anything else i've finished before) and, i think they are:

revising in chunks -- one thing i did especially close to the final draft was to pull out the scene i was editing and rework it in a separate document and then paste it back into the "main" document. i think this will also serve me well with reunion!fic. i've noticed that i tend to get overwhelmed when faced with large chunks (more than a couple hundred words) of writing to either produce or "make good" (a task that is unfortunately completely distinct in my mind form the actionable task of revision). i'm hoping that deliberately

revision wishlist -- this is not something i did when writing a to b but i've seen some writers on here talk about it, and it appeals to the part of me that works best given essentially, a checklist of goals to work through systematically. i think once i've got my rough / down draft completely (likely today, mainly pulling from my organizing doc of previous draft material and my drafting ("outlining" lol) doc that i've been putting tiny scenes into in the last week), i'll read through it and make notes of anything that i notice that is ... not what i'm looking for in the final draft. i might need to do this a few times, with varying levels of verbally guiding myself, some things i want to check are: pacing, haiji's emotional arc (does it exist?), whether the tension is being sustained/raised through scenes or if it diffuses in places i don't mean for it to, consistent characterization (or at least, believably older!haiji characterization, my number one nemesis aha).

i suspect that having a poetic or musical emotional "anchor" for the fic will help a lot, that definitely helped guide some smaller tone/mood (sorry to my english teachers i kinda don't know the difference) decisions for a to b. however ... this time i do not have a convenient buddy to send me music, and i am simply: not very skilled at mentally linking these things. well ... i also thought about going through some web weavings on here for the vibe and then seeking out the full texts. or i'll just go through my tag for reunion!fic and hope that past!me did my proper duty haha.

lol ok. cool. i am very excited!!! but also very nervous!!!