#i'll update this with my venmo once i am less tired and have researched sasquatch pheramones more

[spoonyruncible]

I’m gonna chase one last rabbit tonight and then go to bed because today has been long and difficult and strange. Not bad, over all, but weird.

So, we all know about rogue waves, right? Sneaker waves? Freak waves? Monster waves? Killer waves? Just big ol nasty huge walls of ocean that show up for absolutely no good reason and wreck anything stupid enough to trust the sea for a hot second. Hell, in my adoptive home of Oregon I have seen warning signs for these waves on Cannon Beach. Winter is peak Ocean Gon Kill You season. This has been a known fact ever since the first thinking protohuman stared out at the endless expanse of water with jellied knees and a quaking heart.

No, no it has not been a known fact. Until the year of our Lord nineteen and ninety five there was no such thing. It was folklore and tall tales and the vivid imaginations of old sailors. Now, I’m aware that before 1995 (the year the fucking PS1 was released) people were definitely looking for evidence of rogue waves but they still weren’t factual events. Anyone just 'knows' that rogue waves are a thing that will happen, ask any coastal community. Ask anyone who has been forced unwilling onto a boat, keenly aware of the cruel mercies that control their fate. Of course there are giant waves that show up for no good reason and smanch up anything stupid enough to exist. That's just a fact. But until 1995 (when Toy Story was in theatres) it was not a fact, it was mere conjecture.

It's now known that they not only exist but occur way more often than they probably should. But, like, they didn't legally exist before 1995 no matter how many mysterious disappearances they were responsible for. That drives me crazy.

Anyway, my point is that 2022 can be the 1995 of horny Bigfoots. With your help and just a little seed money I truly believe I can bring this well known and documented enigma beyond the realm of mere gossip or speculation and well into the sphere of scientific fact. In this essay I will-