#i'll try to make the other ideas i had during week 5 if i can

[silverynight]

Recharge

Based on the mha manga finale

"Your childhood friend is taking too many extra shifts; he'll pass out soon at this rate."

Aizawa does that a lot lately; he casually walks into Izuku's classroom or his office, only to drop random information about Katsuki. It's usually something Aizawa disapproves of.

Izuku sighs, looking up at the window from all the essays he has to grade. Lately, Katsuki is making him worry too much.

The funny thing is that Aizawa believes he has some secret power to make pro hero Katsuki stop or change his mind; sure, they're friends, and he often listens to Izuku (yes, he also pays him a lot of visits) but it's not like the young teacher can work miracles.

"I'll talk to him," he promises. This time, he needs to think about something to make him take a break. He doesn't want Katsuki to end up hurt during one of his missions because he's too tired to focus.

Izuku spends a couple of minutes staring down at his phone; thinking about what to text Katsuki. The truth is that they see each other pretty much every week, and he's the one who usually asks Izuku if he can go to his apartment or hang out with him.

Izuku never reaches out first and it's not because he doesn't want to; the only reason he doesn't ask Katsuki to come is because he's aware how hard it's for pro heroes to make time for social stuff. Besides, he doesn't want to bother him.

Now, it's been two weeks since he last saw Katsuki; Izuku has been thinking about it even before Aizawa approached him, but he refused to mention anything about that to Katsuki because he didn't want to annoy him. He had decided to wait because it was obvious Katsuki hadn't contacted him for a reason.

However, if it's because he's been overworking himself on purpose, Izuku needs to make him stop before he collapses or at least try to talk to him out of it.

Hi, Kacchan!

Do you have time today to hang out with me? We can stay at my place and order takeout!

He sends it before he regrets it. Izuku bites his bottom lip, but forces himself to look at the works he's grading because he seriously needs to get back to it.

Katsuki answers just a few minutes later, and it's a bit surprising considering how busy Aizawa said he was.

I have another patrol later today. I won't be free until 2 am. But maybe I can come over in two days?

Is it his second one in a day or his third? Izuku's mind fills itself with anxious thoughts and wonders when was the last time Katsuki had a proper night's sleep. Why is he overworking himself? Pro heroes make good money, he shouldn't be struggling financially...

He doesn't ask any of those questions or tells Katsuki to reschedule. Izuku has no idea why Aizawa is always so sure he can make Katsuki change his mind. His friend has more important things to do now; honestly, it's a miracle he finds the time to hang out with Izuku once a week.

He shouldn't insist, but Izuku decides to be honest.

Don't worry about it! We can see each other when you have more time!

I just miss you, that's all! Good luck with your patrol, Kacchan!

Izuku leaves his phone next to him on the table, takes a deep breath, and gets determined not to worry about his friend for a while.

An hour later, he gets another text from Katsuki.

Ashido is going to take that last patrol. I'll be at your place at 6 pm.

Izuku grins before going back to his own work, determined to finish everything by 5; he'll have enough time to take a shower and tidy his apartment a bit before Katsuki arrives.

Just when he's done with the essays, he gets another message.

I miss you too.

Izuku has to cover his face after that one; he's not sure why it makes him blush.

***

Izuku is more or less satisfied with his work when there's a knock at his door. Katsuki is at the other side, hair still dripping wet from his shower, wearing casual clothes and carrying a few boxes of takeout.

"Kacchan!" Izuku beams, making his friend smile in response. He takes the boxes from his hands and walks towards his little kitchen as the pro hero takes his boots off and leaves them at the entrance.

He's still way taller than Izuku, even without the boots.

"You brought katsudon!" The excitement in his voice is obvious, but he doesn't try to hide it. "Thank you, I–Kacchan?"

He turns around, only to be pulled into a tight embrace; Katsuki tilts his head down in order to nuzzle against Izuku's green curls. He takes a deep breath.

"I missed you so much, nerd," he mumbles, sincerely, almost like he can't stop himself from doing it.

Izuku giggles, hoping the blush on his cheeks is not too obvious, and he tries to step away, only for Katsuki to pull him right back into his arms with a grumpy huff.

"Wait. I need to recharge," the pro hero insists, resting his head on the teacher's shoulder. "Alright. I'm better now. Besides, you must be hungry."

Only when Izuku takes a few steps back he notices how tired Katsuki actually looks. There are shadows under his eyes, his face has a few cuts, and Izuku just knows his muscles must be killing him.

Narrowing his eyes, the green haired teacher cups his friend's face, watching as Katsuki closes his eyes and surrenders into the touch.

"I'll fix those scratches, and I bring you something for the sore muscles. Sit here," Sometimes Izuku gets a little bit bossy when he's worried, but he doesn't realize it until it's too late.

Besides, Katsuki never complains, in fact, he does as Izuku asks without hesitation.

After he patches the pro hero up, trying not to get distracted by his intense stare, Izuku sets a few plates and arranges the counter so they can eat together.

They eat mostly in silence, although it's difficult for him to focus just on his delicious food because Katsuki keeps staring at him.

His face is slightly warm, and he gets so flustered he decides to talk about his students and then ask about Katsuki's day.

When Katsuki starts mentioning his shifts and patrols, Izuku decides to bring up the topic that has been worrying him the most.

"So you've been taking extra shifts?"

Katsuki nods, exhaustion visible on his features.

"You should take a break, Kacchan. Maybe a day off."

"I'm fine."

Even though Katsuki has changed, he's still as stubborn as he was when they were teenagers.

Izuku tries not to roll his eyes.

"I'd like to see you more often," he mumbles, feeling nervous. "I miss you when you're not here."

It's completely true, but part of him regrets saying it; it's not like Katsuki has time to make Izuku feel better. They're just friends.

"I'll try not to take too many shifts," Katsuki surprises him saying. His cheeks are slightly pink too. "So we can hang out more."

The young teacher beams in response, unable to hide his joy. Katsuki smiles back, leaning closer, looking flustered too.

"It's just... I have a project," he says after a while. "And I need to save a lot of money for it. It's... really important to me."

Oh. Izuku understands and he also has the feeling Katsuki doesn't want to give him too much information about it; it's okay. He'd do the same if he wasn't sure he was going to make it happen.

He can see how important it is for him in the way his red eyes shine. Izuku is almost sure Katsuki is going to open his own agency! It must be that!

"Will you tell me more once it's ready?"

Katsuki grins from ear to ear before getting closer to him; for a moment, his exhaustion vanishes as those red eyes meet Izuku's. He grabs both his hands in his.

"I promise. I can't wait for you to see it, Izuku."

There's something about the way Katsuki says his name that has Izuku blushing even more; his eyes stare at him with something close to adoration, but he's not sure and he certainly doesn't want to get the wrong idea so the teacher decides to ignore it.

He jumps from his seat and starts cleaning the counter before doing the dishes instead.

Katsuki offers to help, but Izuku asks him to wait in the living room while he finishes.

"You should stay tonight," he whispers next to him, leaning over the couch after a couple of minutes. He catches Katsuki dozing off.

The pro hero must be truly exhausted.

"What?" Red eyes blink back open in a second. The words seem to have caught him off guard. "You mean..."

"Yes," Izuku smiles, noticing that Katsuki is leaning closer. "Stay with me."

"But what... I mean, we should at least talk about it first," the pro hero blurts out, flustered, his face turning into a deep shade of red that makes the teacher worry. "I don't want this to be a casual thing. Besides, I have never–"

"What do you mean casual?" He cuts the blond off, feeling completely lost. "Well... If you want to, we can have regular sleepovers! What about every two weeks or so?"

It's perfect! That way, Katsuki wouldn't be able to take that many extra shifts!

The noise of Katsuki facepalming himself is so loud it startles Izuku. That big hand slides down his features like he's trying to gather some patience and strength at the same time.

"Of course you were talking about a sleepover," he mumbles so quietly the teacher wonders if he heard it wrong. Then, staring back at Izuku, he adds: "Yes, we can do that."

"Great!"

***

"I'm not wearing that!"

"Come on, Kacchan!" Izuku pouts, looking at the oversized All Might t-shirt and the pants that might not go along with it, but they're the same brand and are, in fact, very comfortable.

"Listen, I own a few things that are All Might themed too, but this is just awful," Katsuki grimaces, looking at the clothes like they have offended him personally.

"You can't sleep on those jeans," the green haired teacher protests. "You won't be able to sleep properly. Besides, this is the only thing I have that you can wear. My clothes are too small for you. I promise this really comfy! I love to wear these to sleep!"

Katsuki visibly relaxes when Izuku says that last bit; he looks from him to the clothes a couple of times.

"You wear these to sleep? Aren't they too big for you?"

"Yes, but I love oversized clothes!" Izuku smiles.

The pro hero stares down at him for a couple of seconds without saying anything; Izuku wonders if he forgot about what they were talking about when he suddenly blinks, snapping himself out of it, and then turns slightly pink.

"Fine. I'll see if I have something else–"

"No," Katsuki yanks the clothes right from Izuku's hands. "I'll wear them."

When Katsuki joins him in the living room again, he admits to himself that his friend was absolutely right about the clothes.

They fit him, but they don't look like his style at all.

"You look like a nerd, Kacchan," Izuku says before bursting into laughter.

"You little shit! This was all a trap to make me wear this crime against fashion! My parents would have a stroke if they saw me in this!" He lunges towards Izuku, making the teacher laugh even harder.

When Katsuki catches him in his arms, prompting them to fall over the couch, Izuku realizes the pro hero is chuckling too.

However, when the laughter dies, they're still wrapped around one another on the couch, and Katsuki refuses to look away from Izuku; the younger teacher gets too flustered he pushes his friend away.

"Let's watch a movie!"

Katsuki insists he needs to recharge first and the best way to do that is if he's as close to Izuku as possible so he ends up with the pro hero's head over his lap.

They only watch the first half of the movie, and Izuku is not sure Katsuki watched it at all because he caught the pro hero staring up at him a couple of times instead.

Katsuki falls asleep quickly after Izuku starts running his fingers through his blond hair.

The teacher sighs, turns the TV off and checks his mail on his phone while Katsuki sleeps. He reads a few of his students' works for a while before carefully waking Katsuki up.

They have a "discussion" about who gets to sleep on Izuku's bed, and the teacher ends up losing, so he brings an extra futon to the living room so Katsuki can sleep comfortably.

The pro hero wakes up first and is already making breakfast for two when Izuku walks out of his bedroom.

They chat for a while before Katsuki gets ready for work.

At the entrance, he hesitates right after putting his boots on before turning around again and pulling Izuku into a hug.

"Recharging?" He chuckles, hugging him back.

"More like getting some extra energy for the day." He whispers as he nuzzles against Izuku's curls.

"Okay, Kacchan."

"Let's do this next week," he says, smiling down at him, thumb stroking the teacher's scar on his right cheek.

"Yes!"

"I'll see you this Friday, Izuku."

***

As soon as he sees Ashido's smirk at the other side of the break room, Katsuki sighs, but he still walks towards her.

"I'm guessing it went really well with Midoriya. You haven't stopped smiling since you got here."

Katsuki is really bad at hiding his true feelings for Izuku, which is why he finds it ridiculous and frustrating how the nerdy teacher hasn't realized it himself yet.

"Yeah."

"I don't know if I should feel glad because it looks like you slept through the night or sorry because he didn't keep you awake."

Ashido wiggles her eyebrows in such a way Katsuki is not sure why he keeps falling for her stupid teasing.

But he blushes anyway and swears he'll never tell her that for a moment he thought Izuku wanted to sleep with him.

He would have done it gladly, but he would have professed his undying love for Izuku first because Katsuki doesn't do things by halves.

Loving Izuku is a lifetime commitment.

"SHUT UP!"

"Fine," she makes a dismissive gesture with her hand. "You're no fun."

Katsuki grabs the bento Izuku shoved into his hands that morning, as he made him promise he'd take a lunch break.

That's the only reason he's there.

"How's the suit going?" Ashido asks then, prompting Katsuki to smile again.

"Great. Hatsume is finally done with Izuku's gauntlets. I'll see her this afternoon to test them myself."

"He's going to love it," she assures him, putting a hand over his shoulder.

"I know," Katsuki mumbles, smiling down at his bento.

He can't wait to show it to Izuku. To see him wearing it.

It's going to take a while, but he'll get there eventually; he'll help Izuku fulfill his dream.

***

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[ixiot-ghostrebel]

Hello what if in sagau the reader thinking about the idea to make big shelter for tramuatised creatos of alternative tevyat this time reader one night drinking with other archons (of course zero alcohol for nahida only some strawberry jucie or something) and in drunked state reader comes to idea of creating shelter for creators of alternative trvyats the archons thinks that just reader begin drunk.....but no reader is serous and day after the archosn must help reader establish the shelter for goodly victims of the cults and like that zhongli venti ei nahida and foclaors relaized how some of thier alternative version are insane(yandere cult au) or morons( most impostors au)

Oohhh, interesting, interesting...I'll see what I can come up with!

So...You may have had a little too much to drink when you decided to hang out with the archons, and you spilled your idea of wanting to create a shelter for alternate teyvat universes where the Creator gets treated like absolute crap.

At first, the archons present (there's only 5) were shocked—who would dare try and hurt their own creator in their own universe? Then, right after you pass out from alcohol consumption, the archons convince themselves that it was just the drunk-ness speaking and not actually your idea.

Boy, were they wrong when you showed them your latest creation.

Venti, Zhongli, Raiden Ei, Nahida, and Furina Reacting to Reader's Shelter for Other Creators.

(Warning! Might Be OOC & Using the General Sagau!Imposter!AU Stuff For This!)

Venti

Man really thought you were joking. When you weren't, safe to say he wished he wasn't trying to get himself wasted during that time.

He was very cautious not to trouble the residents of the Shelter you created since yk PSTD and all that, even if it is annoying that you spend all your time there and he wants to barge in and drag you out to go and have a drink or two.

He isn't sure how he feels exactly, knowing what the other versions of you went through...so safe to say that he tries his best to keep his distance. He personally finds it awkward, and he tries to excuse himself from the situation whenever you try to invite him to greet the other versions of Creator.

"Ehe, I'm honored, Your Grace, really! Unfortunately, Sir Captain Kaeya promised me a drink today at Angel's Share in trade for my latest song. I can't miss out on that, you know?~" You can barely tell nothing's wrong with how well Venti hides his emotions and tactics on a day-to-day basis.

He may eventually get along with the residents of your Shelter area, but as it stands right now...he's keeping his distance for them to cope.

Zhongli

Same as Venti, he really was not expecting this. Sure, he had only a cup of alcohol unlike a certain drunkard bard he knows, and he had contemplated whether or not you were going to do it...but seeing things and speculating things were two different concepts.

He is polite to the residents that have the courage to come close to him, smiling and politely keeping a good distance while also making sure he is not seen as a threat.

He tries his best not to do anything suspicious—he always makes tea in front of their eyes, the tea leaves freshly picked, dried, and then boiled in hot water. The last thing he wants is for any versions of his creator to pose him as a threat in your world. You especially help reassure others at the Shelter that Zhongli's tea isn't poisoned either, so that's good.

"Fear not—Your Grace has been with me these past few weeks, inspecting my tea before I bring it before you." Zhongli sips his own cup, and you follow suit, grinning because you know for a fact it ain't poisoned one bit. "Please rest easy, knowing you will not be harmed here."

Overall, he becomes this sweet grandpa who tells stories while also respecting other people's boundaries. If ever there is a threat, he's already shielding everyone with his ever-famous geo shield, but that's the furthest he does as you insist you take care of the threats yourself. After all...most versions of the Creator have major PTSD from seeing Zhongli wield his polearm.

Raiden Ei

She feels incredibly guilty, knowing that other versions of her raised their blades against their version of the Almighty Creator than to protect.

She practically froze when you drunkenly mentioned about the other versions of you, and it got Ei thinking how bad it was. Though she was reassured by the other archons present, she now wishes she had followed her gut. She was not prepared to meet the Other Versions of the Creator.

Very similar to Venti, she tries to distance herself. Unlike Venti, however, Ei directly declines your invitations to meet any of the residents at the Creator Shelter, thinking her presence would only do more harm than good. In a sense, she goes back in this similar trance during the Inazuma Archon Quest. While she's present in Inazuma, she doesn't step a foot near the Creators' Shelter.

"I apologize, Your Grace....It is best I tend my duties here instead of meeting the Residents of your protective Shelter. If, however, they ever wish to visit Inazuma, I will ensure they meet no harm whatsoever—and do my duty that which the other versions of me failed to succeed in—to protect them with my blade." Every single time you try to invite Ei, she makes this very long speech similar to this. Ei feels awkward, to say the least. After all, she doesn't know how to deal with emotions...

Though it may be irritating that you can't get her to see them, you respect Ei's wish and openly invite others to Inazuma. Safe to say that Ei keeps her word and does indeed protect the other versions of the Creator with her Misou No Hitotachi.

Nahida

Nahida, Nahida...With the General Imposter!Sagau AU idea, Nahida is the only one of (when there was only 4) the archons available that would not attack you, but would rather help you instead. However, due to unpopular Sagau AU ideas, Nahida is also a part of the team that wants the Creator dead. So, in a sense, Nahida is a 50/50 amongst the residents, but it's safe to say that she's by far the archon most versions of the Creator would approach freely.

When she first heard you talk about the Creators' Shelter and their lives (albeit drunk), she found it both scary yet curious. However, since there was no proof of whether this was true or not, Nahida had turned a blind eye on the possibility for the time being, as it could have just been you drunkenly seeing and knowing things.

She was pretty much half-prepared to meet the Residents of the Creators' Shelter...but at least most of them like her? I mean, they allow her to hug her...that's a good start, right?

"It's okay, Your Grace's Guests! I promise, our world would never hurt you, no matter what!" She tries to use this opportunity to try and have the other versions of the Creator open up to other people—after all, their world of Teyvat was different, and vast! She didn't want them to miss it!

You know Nahida's Skill line, "Everyone Hold Hands!" ? Yeah, she wants everyone to get along and smile and be happy!

I am proud to say that Nahida keeps the Creators' Shelter up-to-date with the stuff happening in your Teyvat while also trying to coax them to meet other people. And she's doing a great job!

Furina

From the very little research I did, it seems that Fontaine's Stance in the Imposter!Sagau AU ideas is more sophisticated—but, if Reader turns out to be "guilty," then that could possibly mean public execution. In this case, with the knowledge gained, Furina's stance in this is the same as her personality likeability: 50/50.

When Furina first heard you talk about it, she thought that this entire thing you were going on about was interesting! She loves herself a good opera, and she would gladly play a role in your show! She just didn't like how it was versions of you from the Imposter!Sagau aus (she's the only one who'd probably remember what you called them and use the same terms), as it makes it hard to really prove to others that Fontaine was the best nation of Teyvat! Not that she wants to flex or anything (she wants to flex)

As it stands right now, Fontaine is pretty new. Most likely only a few recent versions of the Almighty Creator would have some form of PTSD with Fontaine, but most of general residents at the Creators' Shelter are from when Fontaine was yet to be released. This means that many people would cautiously approach Furina to ask what Fontaine would be like, while the very recent versions of you might be more frightened to go near her.

"Ah, yes! Fontaine has the best places to view the grandest and most extravagant buildings you will ever see! If ever you wish to visit, I shall personally escort you to the Nation of Hydro, and we may feast on both the justice we place put, and the opera we present to please! Now, I shall go and ask Your Grace if I may bring you Desserts from Fontaine—toodle-loo~" Furina gladly lets the other versions of the Creator see her enigmatic personality, not afraid to present herself as she usually does.

However dramatic and ever-flamboyant she may be, Furina isn't stupid. She can see wariness and suspicion seeping in to some of the most recent Imposter!Sagau yous, so she immediately yet cleanly makes sure she takes her leave, her curtain call with a promise to return in the near future.

She's probably the second-most visiting archon the Creators' Shelter sees, but Furina's visits are always short. At least she brings desserts from Fontaine to share with everyone!

And we're done! Boy, this took longer than expected...I hope you guys enjoyed it, though!

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: I have not been keeping up with what's going on in the Sagau Genshin Community, so Furina's bit may be very off on what is actually going on in the general Sagau Community. Sorry on that part.

I was originally tempted to try and do my own interpretation of Fontaine's stance in the Sagau!Imposter category, as they are known for their justice and love of good plot story. If you think about it, Fontaine might be more intrigued with the idea than be heavily offensive about it—after all, Fontaine loves their opera. I vetoed the idea though bc this request needed a focus on the generic stance of an Imposter!Sagau Au so I scrolled through a few posts to see what others were up to.

But yeah, I'm alive! I honestly love how like—no one has made the "sagau furina" tag yet and I had to make it myself LOL. Man, I've really been dead on Tumblr, huh?

If you're still on the radar for The Lost Shining God of Celestia, don't worry—it's not being cancelled. I'm still on hiatus due to writer's block (it only has two paragraphs im sobbing at my inactivity), but I'll get there eventually! Sorry for testing you patience lol—

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

[gavisuntiedboot]

Just Pretend (Gavi x reader)

Part 6

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Epilogue

Warnings: Some subtle smut!! Dubious consent!!! Please don't read if you're uncomfortable with unclear consent. Crying during intimacy. Profanity!! Swearing!! Ferran and Martin!!!!!!!!!! ESP MARTIN!!! I'm sorry

Word Count: 11.0K

A/N: please be nice about this one. Is it fantastic? I personally don't think so. But the story needs to progress somehow. God I want to be asleep.

Also, I just want to say that I have taken some, ehem, artistic liberties with time and space in this story. Did you guys know that Real Sociedad is like 5 hours from Barcelona? I didn't. So I don't want to hear any "This is unrealistic because-" shhhh. I know there was a WC this year - I'm pretending there wasn't. I know the Ballon D'or ceremony is in October - surprise, now it's at the end of July. I know it doesn't make any sense for Martin to live next to Gavi because his club is based on the other side of Spain, but for this story, they're neighbors because I said so. Just live in imagination now and suspend your disbelief. Please and thank you <3

"You should start sleeping here."

You looked over your shoulder in confusion, still in the process of tying your shoes.

"What?"

You had never expected Martin to proposition you like this. For the first couple months of you relationship, he had been distant, kind of aloof, just happy to be there, but never exerting much effort into you. The relationship was, for lack of better terms, convenient. But something in him changed when you told him that you had been taking Gavi home. Suddenly, he was ready to become a doting boyfriend. He offered to drive you to work, to bring you lunch, to pick you up from games. If you declined these offers, then he was messaging you, sending you pictures, and he always, without fail, called you on your drive home. You had on multiple times asked him to stop this embarrassing behavior, but it had fallen on deaf ears. He would call you to tell you how much he missed you, how much he wanted to hold you, begging you to come over, all while Gavi squirmed uncomfortably in the passenger seat. Whenever you dropped Gavi off, you would get suggestive text messages, detailing all the things Martin wanted to do to you. Whenever you replied that you weren't in the mood, that you would rather just cuddle and go to bed, you always got the same response:

[Martin]: maybe u should just go home then. come over when ur not tired.

You had now driven Gavi home for 15 days, and Martin was getting stranger and stranger with each passing day. And now, he had gone from seeing you maybe once a week to wanting you to spend the night? You knew jealousy when you saw it, and it was getting on your nerves.

"You drive little Gavi home every day, and then you have to go all the way back to your place. I care about you so much, and I don't want you driving that late at night. So when you leave late, like on match days, you should just spend the night here."

You stood up, moving to grab your coat. You liked Martin, you liked spending time with him, but the idea of spending the night at his place weekly made your stomach uneasy, and you were hit with a wave of nausea.

"I don't know Martin. It's a really sweet offer, but I have a lot of things at my house. It would be a hassle to store scrubs and toiletries and makeup here, and-"

He held his hands up in an 'I surrender' motion, cutting you off.

"Listen, Barca has a game at home this week, don't they? Spend the night here after - try it out. If you don't like it, you can stop." He said, looking at you expectantly. A knot formed in your throat. You wanted to protest, but didn't know how. Martin liked you and put up with you. He was nice to you and was now offering to take your relationship to the next level. So how could you tell him that the idea made you want to throw up?

"Um, yeah, sure. I can do that. I... I need to go now. I'll see you in a few days?"

"Drive safe, baby. I'll text you when I get back from Madrid." He stood from his seat, walking over to you and pulling you into him, placing a deep kiss onto your lips. You returned the sentiment, trying as much as possible to rekindle the spark you felt for Martin when you first met. It was now a dying ember, but one you were desperately trying to keep alive. As weird as he made you feel at times, anything was better than the days when you were alone, sleeping in a cold bed with only the company of the TV and your house plants.

You closed Martin's front door, walking to your car quickly to avoid the bitter winter chill. As soon as you shut the driver door, you pulled up your contacts, looking for Angelika. If you were honest, Martin's overbearing nature had been causing you extreme bouts of anxiety, preventing you from sleeping, causing you to bite your nails bloody whenever the thought of him saying the L word ever crossed your mind. Would you say it back?

You called Angelika, the dial tone ringing throughout your car as you started to drive. After about 4 rings, the line connected.

"Hey, what's up?" She asked, rushed and out of breath, a hint of irritation in her tone.

"Nothing much," you replied, thrown off by the harsh answer. "Are you okay? You sound annoyed."

"I am annoyed. Our model casting director is so fucking incompetent that he thought he could book models for fucking fashion week the week before. So now, all the girls we usually work with and have the measurements for are booked. Taken by Balenciaga and fucking Paco Rabbane."

"I didn't know Balenciaga still showed at Barcelona fashion week." You replied, deciding to park your car on a side street. You slumped back in your seat.

"They don't. Our equally as incompetent head designer failed to mention we had been invited to show in Paris. So now we have no models, no measurements, and we are showing at Paris Fashion Week. I've been sleeping on the couch in the studio all week remaking and altering garments."

"But it's only November. You don't show in Paris until the end of February."

"You think any of the idiots that work above me are going to work from December 15th until January 15th? I need to get everything approved to be part of the collection before they go on vacation or I'm fucked."

"I'm so sorry Ang," you said softly, frowning slightly at your phone. You resonated with her pain - it was soul-crushing to put your best efforts forward and have it hindered by others more powerful than you. You knew how hard she had worked, and how much of a dream PFW had been - now it was becoming a borderline nightmare.

"It's fine, I'll get through it. Did you call for something? Or just a check-in?" She asked, her voice muffled slightly by the whir of the sewing machine. You brought your nails back to your lips, biting down on the surrounding skin.

"Just checking in," you lied, swallowing back your own frustrations, "I hadn't heard from you in a while, so I wanted to make sure you're okay. We should catch up when everything cools down, yeah?" You spoke softly, scared that if you raised your voice any higher you would cry. You felt like you were drowning, overwhelmed by everything going on in your life, crushed by the thousand feelings going on at once, but that was your burden - not Angelika's. You would deal with it by yourself like you usually did.

You exchanged goodbyes with your friend, hanging up the line and then slamming your head into the steering wheel, not caring about the potential bruise that could be forming as a result. The tears were flowing freely now. Your breath was ragged, coming out in short sobs and hiccups as you let out your frustration. The more you thought about the last two weeks, the more it felt like your throat was closing up. Your vision was completely blurry, your knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel like it was the only thing keeping you grounded.

Your memories went back to that God forsaken meeting. The one that followed the last home game at Camp Nou, after Ferran had proclaimed rather loudly that you were creating an uncomfortable situation in the locker room. You had arrived at work at 7:15 that day, unable to sleep the night before, spending over an hour in the shower trying to was Martin's grabby touch off your skin, and staring at the ceiling in fear of your reprimanding. You had looked perfect - hair pulled back, uniform scrubs and shoes immaculately clean. You were expecting to be called into Dr. Gonzalez's office some time around 10am, after the players had already began morning training. Rather, you received a sharp knock on your office door at 7:45. Dr. Gonzalez stood there, stoic as usual, and uttered the most terrifying sentence you had heard in recent memory.

"Mister Xavi wants to see you in his office."

You walked behind him like your legs were made of lead. Several of the players greeted you as they passed, but you returned none of it. Your head was swimming in fear - how bad was it that you needed to be in Xavi's office before morning training. As you knocked on the office door, your mouth had gone dry, and you were shaking like a leaf.

"Enter."

Gavi watched your face pale as you entered the room escorted by Dr. G, and he felt a pit form at the base of his stomach. He knew it wasn't necessarily a positive thing for Ferran to have complained about you, but he never thought that the repercussions would be this severe. A meeting in Xavi's office before morning training often meant a firing. He was frozen in place, unmoving long after the office door had shut, the shove from Pedri being the only thing to make his feet move forward.

You and Dr. Gonzalez were instructed to sit in front of Xavi, one of the assistant coaches leaning on the wall behind him. The crossed hands and deep silence sent a chill through you that you couldn't shake from your bones. You had never been in a position like this before: you were the good kid. The kid who never went to speak to the principal unless it was to receive an award. You had been the perfect teacher's pet, who got along with every authority figure you ever encountered. But now, the face of deep disappointment staring at you was one that you had never encountered before.

"Ms. L/N, I believe you understand why you are in here, but I will explain it plainly. I heard that yesterday before the game, there was a situation in which you were escorted from the locker room because o the complaints of a player. I have spoken with this player, and he has informed me that this is not the first time you have made him uncomfortable. In fact, he attributes his worsening performance to discomfort that you have caused."

Your face was pale. You were holding back tears and vomit. You tried to slow your breathing and heart rate, because the last thing you needed was to have an anxiety attack.

"Obviously, this is not a good look. You are a new hire, and we cannot have the auxiliary staff impacting the players. The assistance coaches, Dr. Gonzalez and I all had an extensive conversation about terminating your program contract."

Your heart beat was in your ears, the bile rising in your throat, suffocating you slowly. This was your dream job, in your hands, and it was quickly slipping through your finger tips because one of the players couldn't stand you refusing to sleep with him. The tears were flowing at this point - it was beyond your control. Everything you had every worked for was disappearing before your very eyes.

"However, Dr. Gonzalez and assistant coach Marco here advised me against it. They instructed me to speak to several players, all who had nothing but glowing praise to say about you. Balde said that he would refuse to play if anything were to happen to your job. So, we have decided to keep you here with us. However, we wanted to take this as an opportunity to remind you: players are the priority. You'll be out of the locker room until further notice. If we get any further complaints about you calling issues, we'll have to consider other people. And your pre-work sessions with Gavi? Those will have to stop. Favoritism doesn't contribute to a positive work environment."

You nodded, tears burning your skin as you tried to maintain some semblance of composure in front of the man keeping your job safe. Dr. Gonzalez stood to leave, and you followed him silently. Xavi called to you before you left his office.

"It's your good work that kept you here. But it won't be enough to keep you here."

You slammed your head against the steering wheel again. What else could you do besides be a had worker? The fact that you could no longer meet with Gavi early in the morning also burned a hole in your very being. Though it would never be admitted out loud, it was the only time you felt like you were genuinely needed. A throbbing pain radiated around your head, blurring your vision further and making it even more difficult to see. Your sobs were loud and desperate, the only way air was entering your lungs.

A sudden knock on your window startled you, causing you to turn in fear towards your left. Through teas, you stared at the figure of a man knocking on the window, saying something to you, but the sound was drowned out.

"Get away from me! Leave me alone! Help!"

You screamed at the top of your lungs. You were fully panicked, as the door began to open, you screamed even louder, kicking at the door and the person on the other side.

"What the fuck, Doctora! Stop screaming and stop kicking me!"

The familiar voice made you stop your movements. The blur from your eyes was rubbed away, and Gavi stood before you, a trash bag in one hand and his phone in the other, speaking inaudibly. The sight of a person had never brought you this much intense relief. Instantly, you were more calm, breathing slowing enough for you to hear what he was saying.

"-not safe out here at this time. Are you even listening to me?"

The glow of street lamp light made Gavi look like an angel. His brown locks were shrouded in a golden haze, light eyes piercing into you. Jaw hanging slack, you just stared back at him, face still burning from the salt water on your cheeks. You bit your lip, staring up with still watery eyes, body shivering from all the energy exerted. The fatigue was settling deep in your bones, and you were sure that you looked like a frightened child. Gavi instructed you to stay put, running to throw his trash away before returning to you.

"Doctora, you should come inside."

It wasn't a question. Gavi was leaning over you, turning off your car and taking the keys. A hand reached out before you, gently and waiting for you to accept the invitation and follow him inwards. You looked up at him, the look of concern foreign on his face. Gavi had never seemed this seriously worried or scared before. You gathered your strength, placing your delicate hand in Pablo's. He gripped you firmly, tugging gently to escort you out of the car. Once it was locked, he turned to you again. There was a tension between the two of you that no one could pinpoint. Your heart was hammering against your ribs, so loud you were sure Gavi could feel the thrum through the skin of your palm. Maybe you should have stayed at Martin's. But something in you whispered that you were so, so happy to be standing here with Gavi.

Moving on their own accord, you pulled your hand away, and your arms wrapped around Gavi, embracing him tightly. The boy tensed, not expecting the sudden display of affection. He stood there for a moment as you clung to him, arms shaking, breath slowing down as he held you. As you calmed, Gavi's heart rate increased steadily. As your friendship continued to grow, the two of you had become more comfortable with things such as fist bumps. But this was entirely new. He brought his arms up and pulled you into him, biceps enveloping you, and chest providing you comfort. As your head rested against the soft fabric of his sweatshirt, you took a deep breath, smelling in the scent of Gavi, showered and faintly fragranced after practice.

You had scared Pablo half to death. All he wanted to do was sit and relax. He had seen you before you went into Xavi's office, face looking like you had seen a ghost. He had worried about you all practice. Normally you were glowing: smiling at everyone in the early morning as you sipped your coffee and finished the notes. Sometimes you even danced through Camp Nou, playlist keeping yo hyped despite the early hours. But recently, it felt like Pablo was watching you wither away. You smiled less, you came in with darker circles, and you looked like you were consistently on the verge of tears. He wanted to blame Martin, but he knew that working with the team played a big part of it.

After Ferran's complaint, he had run to the assistant coaches, trying to figure out what the repercussions could be. He was frazzled in practice, wondering if he and the boys had done enough to prevent you losing your position. Gavi became more aggressive. He starting losing his footing more, slipping and falling more frequently, and pushing the boundaries with his teammates. So what if he broke Ferran's kneecap? It's not like he would be debilitating a phenomenal contributor to the team. Lewy spoke to him multiple times, telling him to take it easy, because the aggression did nothing but make him look bad. Pedri told him that hurting Ferran would not erase his complaint against you. But it didn't matter. Gavi still pushed.

This was the first time he had seen you since you walked into Xavi's office. You had sent him a text telling him to find other arrangements for getting home for the next couple of days. This led to some embarrassing shots of him leaving Camp Nou in a taxi, and Pedri took pity on him, driving him home the following day. All his check-up texts had gotten curt responses, and he felt an ache in his chest that he didn't understand. Ever since his little self-love session, he had slowly but surely come to the realization that he wanted to be more than just friends with you. He had tried to keep this information to himself. Gavi knew what his friends would say: he was just being horny and 18, falling for the first girl that had given him a little attention. But he knew that wasn't the case.

Gavi had been around girls. Growing up, his sister's friends talked to him like a little pet. They let him hang around, allowing him to get closer to a lot of the prettiest girls in the town. The older he got, the easier it was to get girls. I'm in La Masia, I'm on the Barca B team, I play with Pedri. Now it was easier than ever. Models, actresses, singers, and other pretty girls threw themselves at his feet, in person and through DMs. There were hundreds of women willing to give him attention. But you? Oh. You were someone he wanted to chase. Someone who made him excited to wake up in the morning, someone that made electricity dance across his skin every time you touched him. You were ambitious and confident and determined. He didn't just like you. He respected you. He desired you. He craved you.

It had been no easy thing confessing this to Pedri. Gavi looked at his loosened laces the entire time, avoiding Pedri's smirk. He had known for literal months that Pablo wanted you. It was obvious to anyone who had seen the two of you interact. He told Pablo as much, making the younger boy blush and cross his arms over his chest. After the teasing had died down, the serious talk began.

"You can't do anything until she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore."

Gavi had texted you that night about meeting him for an early morning session, inventing a new slew of muscle discomforts.

[Doctora]: Can't do before work meetings anymore. Xavi's orders. Come in at 8am exactly if you're in pain.

To say he was crushed was an understatement. Over the past two weeks that you had been driving him, he had gotten closer to you. He learned about your favorite things to cook, about your relationship with your parents, and about what high school was like for you. He has learned that you frequently stopped at the drive-thru to get a post-practice hot tea and a muffin. He found out that you had given up drinking for good. Over two weeks he had watched the string connecting the two of you grow brighter. Now it was being snipped before his very eyes. It felt like he was losing you.

"Let me know if our little nurse likes fucking in the front or back seat more, Pablito. So I know whether to pick her up from Martin's in the two-seater or the SUV. He said he'd be willing to share with me when she finally gives it up. He'd probably let you get a slice of that ass as well."

Ferran couldn't react before he was slammed up against the locker. The sound reverberated around the room, alerting the two or three other boys who were also slow to change after training. Gavi's forearm was pressed into Ferran's throat, making the older boy go pink in the face and claw at his arm for air.

"If you say one more nasty thing about her, as God is my witness, I will dislocate both of your hips from their sockets regardless of who is watching. I will kick you in the teeth so fucking hard your grandchildren will need extensive dental work. Now shut the fuck up, get changed, and go home and jerk off to your own Instagram selfies."

Now he was standing under the street lamp beside his house holding you in his arms. The string was stronger and brighter than ever, wrapped around the two of you. Seeing you slam your head against the steering wheel concerned him, and having you kick and scream at him made you think you were at the end of your rope, terrifying him. Now he brought you closer to his heart, clutching your shaking frame, breathing in your shampoo and the relief that you were okay. He didn't know if he was capable of letting you go. He swallowed the large knot forming in his throat.

"Did... did you come here to see me?"

You looked up at Gavi, arms still around him, albeit shaking.

"I..." You weren't sure what to say. "I just left Martin's house. I was feeling overwhelmed and I just ... started driving. Guess it was muscle memory that brought me here."

You watched an unknown emotion fill Gavi's eyes. Was he annoyed that you came to his street? The closeness of your bodies registered in your brain, and you took a step back, looking awkwardly at your feet. No matter how comfortable he made you feel, there was a line you shouldn't cross. Not only were you two coworkers, but you had a boyfriend who you knew would not be happy if he ever found out about this "under the street light" 40's movie embrace.

"I should probably go home. Um, sorry to bother you."

"No wait-" Gavi said, grasping your arm once more. He stopped you in your tracks, keeping a firm hold on you. He couldn't let you leave. Not now. Not while you were like this.

"You're obviously distressed. I don't want you to drive home right now."

You shook your head, but made no effort to remove his hand from you.

"No no, I'm fine. I should really-"

Gavi shook his head viscously.

"No I'm serious. You were having a panic attack in your car. At least... At least come inside and eat something. Maybe have some tea? Anything. I just... want to make sure that you're okay before you leave me."

With wide eyes, you looked up at Gavi after this statement. His cheeks burned, realizing he had slipped up.

"Leave my house. Just come inside."

His hand traveled from your bicep to your hand, holding it and tugging you behind him towards the house. You followed him silently, allowing yourself to be pulled into Gavi's orbit. The dim lighting of the house and the sounds from the TV made you feel more at peace. Despite it being a bachelor pad, you felt like you were walking into a home.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." You said softly as you moved to slip off your shoes, stopping mid way. Gavi turned around, raining an eyebrow at you bent over in contemplation as he kicked off his Nikes. Your eyes widened in awe.

"You take your shoes off inside?"

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I?"

"Martin told me I was weird for taking off my shoes indoors. He said it's not a thing in Spain."

Gavi barked out a dry laugh, walking to his kitchen and switching on the lights.

"So it's a Spanish thing to track mud and dirt into the house? Take off your shoes, Doctora. Make yourself at home."

You smiled to yourself, brushing your hair behind your ear and unlacing your shoes. You watch Gavi pick up a shaker bottle, hopping onto the counter and and taking a sip. It was your turned to be confused.

"A protein shake? At this hour?"

"Yeah. It's my dinner. Want one?"

"Pablo!" The disbelief was evident on your face and in your voice. You had been working with the nutritionists recently to revise the daily calorie intake for all the players. Gavi needed about 4000 a day. There was no way he was drinking all of them in shakes.

"You need to have a proper dinner! No wonder you're always blowing your muscles out. Where is the dietary fiber? Where are the fats? Do you even have food in the fridge?"

He takes another swig of his protein shake, hopping off the counter. You open the fridge, scanning the shelves. He stands behind you, His chest mere inches from your back.

"Yeah, someone drops groceries off every couple of weeks, but I'm a shit cook. But if you want something for dinner, I can try. Wouldn't want you to go hungry."

You turn to face gave, your faces close enough to feel each others' breath. It was ironic that at this time, a thought crossed your mind: Martin, despite bragging about his cooking skills extensively, had never even fried you an egg.

"I'm a pretty good cook. Want to eat something other than protein powder this evening?"

Gavi looked into your eyes, noticing the redness that lingered from crying. He nodded his head slowly, then looked at your forehead. There was a red spot that had formed with a slight bump from where you hit the wheel. He brought one hand up, caressing the spot with his thumb. It sent a shock through your system. Why was Gavi's touch having such an effect on you?

You spent the next half and hour cooking, with Gavi sitting on the counter, making idle conversation. He loved watching the way you moved, the way that your eyes narrowed in concentration. When you were finished, you picked up both the plates and moved in front of the TV. He followed you like a puppy, watching as you sat on the couch with your feet beneath you. You rubbed your arms together, trying to create some sort of warmth. The exhaustion of working and cooking (with a breakdown in the middle) had set in, causing a chill to wash over you. As he moved to take a bite of the arroz con pollo that you had cooked up, he looked over at you, watching you shiver slightly.

Your eyes followed Gavi as he put the plate down, running to his bedroom, re-emerging with a black hoodie.

"Here, put this on. I don't want you freezing in my home."

You took the garment from him and looked at it. The material was soft in your hands, the smell of Gavi making its way to you. You slipped it over your head, feeling warmth instantly, both internally and externally. It wasn't much - just a hoodie. Any decent friend would have given you one in the cold. But it was more than that. It was that Gavi wanted you to be safe and fed and warm. It was that he was always looking over at you, noticing things without you asking. Maybe this was close friendship, something you were lacking at the present moment. But something felt different. None of your other friends made you feel this way. You never felt a longing to see them like you did with Gavi. You never felt a hold in your chest and an emptiness in your life when they weren't around. So what was it about Gavi.

The two of you ate in silence, watching the show that Gavi had playing on the TV. It was an old Spanish telenovela, something from the early 90s, where a girl from the farmlands moves to the city, and she is caught in a love triangle between her childhood friend and the CEO of a major company in the city.

"Is this show not a little... feminine for you?"

Gavi rolled his eyes at your teasing. "It's the only thing on when I'm home. It's so predictable that it doesn't matter if I miss an episode, because I already basically know the whole show plot."

"Oh really mister psychic? What's going to happen in the show then?"

You placed your plate on the coffee table, leaning back onto the couch, pulling Gavi's hoodie tighter around you. He grabbed a blanket from beside him, draping it over the two of you.

"She thinks that she's not good enough for Xavier, the CEO, so she's going to go back to farm boy Matthias and be with him. But she's going to realize that she's not happy with Matthias because he wants her to be this woman that she's not. So she's going to run from the farm back into Xavier's arms and kiss him, telling him that he accepts her for who she really is."

Your jaw dropped slightly, looking at Gavi in awe. You had never seen a teenage boy so invested in a TV romance. He looked over at you, suddenly shy under your gaze.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because... how do you know that's what's going to happen?"

"Besides the fact that this telenovela has been out for like 20 years and it's cliche as fuck? Because it's obvious. Matthias keeps making all these little comments and asking Dorinda to change all these things about herself. A relationship can never survive if they don't like you for you, ya know?"

You muttered out a slight 'mhm' before pulling the blanket higher up and turning back to the TV. Gavi sat back as well, and the two of you fell into a comfortable silence, you curled up in a ball, him with his arms draped over the back of the couch, distance just big enough between the two of you to be respectful. As you waited for the next episode to begin, Gavi shifted to look at you.

"So... are we going to talk about the breakdown you had in your car? Or we can pretend it never happened. That also works."

You looked at Gavi, who stared at you with genuine concern and sympathy. His features were soft, eyes scanning you with concern.

"I don't want to burden you with my woes, Pablo. I was just having a moment. I'll get over it eventually."

"You could never be a burden, doctora. Now that we're friends, we get to talk to each other about stuff besides my tight hamstrings. What's going on? You've been... different lately. Ever since your meeting with Xavi."

Gavi watched you bite your lip, fiddling with your fingers in your lap. You took a deep breath before recounting what occurred during the meeting. You watched Gavi grow more and more angry, the heat radiating from his body.

"I just..." The tightness in your chest was so overwhelming. You were done holding back everything you had been feeling. You look up at Gavi, eyes wide and desperate and watery.

"I have been told my whole life that I had to work hard and I would get what I wanted. Just study hard in school and do well in university and do your job well and you'll get everything you dreamed of. But it's not true. I worked my ass off in school and university, and still they only wanted me to intern with the women's teams. I kill myself at this job every day, balancing this with my schoolwork to get my license, and do I get any recognition? No. I get mocked and harassed. I get called a nurse. And my boyfriend..."

You trailed off, and Gavi waited for you to continue. He didn't want any of this to weigh on you any longer. With a sigh you kept going.

"My boyfriend is telling me I'm delusional for being upset. On the rare occasions that he lets me complain to him, he tells me it's my fault. My scrubs are too tight, so Ferran has every right to grab my ass."

"Wait, he's been touching you? I'm going to kill him."

Gavi made a move to get up, but you leaned over, crossing your arm across his chest and keeping him seated.

"You don't have to protect me Gavi. I can handle it."

"How? How can you handle it? One word from fucking Ferran almost got you fired! How are you supposed to get him to stop groping you. And more importantly, why is that your job? You have a man in your life who is supposed to protect you and make sure no harm comes to you. But your sorry sack of shit boyfriend is too busy sucking Ferran's microdick to take care of his girl." He said, face red as he leaned back on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest.

"It's okay, Pablo. I can take care of myself." A tear finally rolled down your cheek.

"I know you can, Doctora. I know you could take on the world if you wanted to. But you shouldn't have to. You deserve to be loved and spoiled. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

You couldn't say anything. No one had ever spoken to you the way Pablo did. No one - not your family, not your friends, not your boyfriend - had ever taken the time to remind you that you were worth of love. The warmth in your chest you had felt all night started spreading through your veins, making its way through your whole body. You felt safe. You didn't trust yourself to speak, so you got up from your seat on the couch and walked to Pablo, leaning over and hugging him. This time he reacted much quicker, welcoming the embrace, rubbing your back softly. You separated and sat next to him again, this time much closer. Close enough for him to pull you into his side if he wanted. His left arm erupted in goosebumps as he resisted the urge.

The silence remained comfortable as you two watched the telenovela, four or five inches all that separated Gavi from your touch. As the night dragged on, your eyelids felt heavier, and your blinks got longer as sleep overtook you. You didn't even feel it when you dozed off, your body slumping sideways. But Gavi felt it as you fell onto his shoulder, breathing deeply. He spoke your name quietly, gaging your consciousness. When you didn't respond, he made a move to look at you, but your soft groan made him sit back. You were asleep on his shoulder.

The weight on his shoulder felt like nothing as he watched you sleep. The TV light was illuminating your features, bathing you in a soft ethereal light. Your hair fell in front of your face, and he moved it gently out of your way to make sure you weren't bothered in your sleep. You snuggled deeper into him, and in doing so, resting your head by his neck. Gavi tried to breathe softly, his whole body tense as to not disturb your sleep.

He tried to convince himself all week that you were just hot. You were just good looking and he wanted you physically - nothing more. But he couldn't because when the thought of you, it was rarely in a sexual manner. He was always imagining situations like this: you cooking with him, cuddling with him on the couch while watching TV, taking naps with him. He was imagining the domestic bliss that all his teammates gushed about. He was imagining waking up to you in the morning and kissing the sleep from your eyes. He dreamed of brushing his teeth beside you as you both messed around before bed. He wanted to look by the stands and point to you, letting you and the whole world know that everything, all of it, it was all for you.

An hour later, when he was sure you were asleep, Gavi tried to shift you slightly. His shoulder began to ache, and he wanted you to get a decent night's sleep. He lifted your head gently, but you stirred in your sleep.

"Pablo... are you leaving?" You mutter, eyes still closed.

His heart felt like it could burst. You looked so small and innocent, so helpless, that Gavi wanted to pick you up in his arms and protect you from the entire world. He never wanted to let anything or anyone, not Ferran or Martin or even Xavi, come near you again.

"Of course not, doctora. I'll always be here for you."

You groaned again before laying down, this time draping yourself across Gavi's lap and cuddling into his thigh. Gavi surrendered, understanding that he would be sleeping on the couch with you on his lap, because in all honesty, it was the only place on Earth that he wanted to be. He set an alarm for 5:30am, and then laid back, one hand rubbing your back as he prepared to dream about you.

You woke to the sound of a phone alarm. The warmth all around you was inviting you to stay asleep, but you opened your eyes nonetheless, coming face to face with a pair of Barca shorts. You shot straight up, looking at Gavi, who was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Good morning."

You opened and closed your mouth like a fish out of water. You had fallen asleep in Gavi's house. In Gavi's clothes. On Gavi's lap.

"I have to go. I'll see you at work."

You grabbed your phone and keys and ran for the door, not even waiting for his response. You drove to your house, going to jump in the shower to reset before work. This had happened before. You had slept next to Martin, coming home the next day and scrubbing your skin off in the shower, wanting to rid yourself of the night before. But as you looked down to strip, you saw Gavi's black hoodie, which you had been too rushed to give back, and you didn't want to take it off. It felt like warmth and safety and something else that you couldn't name. But you removed the garment carefully, folding it on your bed, and treating your skin gently, like a thing to be preserved.

~~~

You wore Gavi's hoodie for the rest of the week. You put it on before you left the house, and left it in your car before walking into work. You put it on once again when you got back to the car. Gavi mocked you for it on the first day, teasing about how you couldn't live without him. You just looked away in embarrassment, unable to admit that, now that your morning sessions were gone, wearing his hoodie on your drives made you feel connected to him in a different way. It secretly made Gavi swell with pride. It scratched the possessive part of his brain, the one that wanted you to just be his. You always made sure to hide it before driving over to Martin's. You had been bickering more recently, and you didn't want to do anything else to set him off, because you knew he would never even attempt to understand that you wearing Gavi's clothes wasn't a romantic gesture.

It was match day at Camp Nou, which usually brought you excitement, but not today. No, today was the fated day that you would have to choose between your team and your boyfriend: It was Barca vs Real Sociedad day. You had been anxious since the previous evening, wondering how it would be for Martin and Gavi to be on the field together after their falling out many weeks ago. The nerves had shaken you so much that your (Gavi's) black player hoodie remained on. You ran around all morning, doing muscle and flexibility tests, and setting up your station on the side of the field. As the players lined up in the tunnel, you walked through, making sure that everyone was taken care of. You approached the front where Gavi stood, but before you could say anything to him, a voice called out to you.

"Baby! What're you doing in the tunnel? Shouldn't you be in a clinic somewhere?"

Despite him trying to put on a cute tone, you couldn't help but be offended by Martin's words. He was essentially calling you a nurse once again, this time in front of two major La Liga teams. The snickers were not lost to you. You turned around and smiled softly at Martin, greeting him. He tried to pull you in for a kiss, but you flinched away.

"Martin, not here, carino. I'm at work." You tried to leave, but he grabs your wrist, stopping you. His fingers dug into your wrist, causing pain to shoot through your arm. You turned to look at him, unable to tug your arm away.

"Not going to wish me good luck, sexy? Maybe after watching them practice you don't think I need it."

"He who talks shit first, eats shit first." Gavi's voice said behind you. You leaned into Martin, giving him a kiss on the cheek, and wishing him good luck. He pulls on your hoodie, which you had forgotten you were wearing until it's between his fingers.

"What's this? Isn't this for players? Why are you wearing this?" He asked, eyes dark with anger. He looked at the pocket and noticed the '6' embroidered into the fabric.

"Oh, they had a few made for the staff as well. I need to go and set up by the field." You scurried away from Martin, trying to avoid the stares of everyone around you. You needed to focus on doing your job, not on your relationship drama.

Despite your exit, drama was still bubbling in the tunnel. Martin and Ferran stood next to each other, talking rather loudly to Gavi's dismay. They recapped their boring and alcohol-fueled lives, and Gavi tried to tune them out, getting in the headspace for the game, until they mentioned you.

"You hit yet? Come on, hermano. She sleeps next to you all the time. What are you waiting for?"

"I'm trying. I think I'm going to seal it tonight - no matter what I have to do. She doesn't do booze anymore, so it's been harder than usual. If we win tonight, it's going to be the icing on the cake."

Gavi felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to face Pedri, who looked at him disapprovingly.

"Whatever you do, don't get a fucking red. We play Madrid soon."

The game began, and it was rough from the first whistle. Sociedad was playing extremely rough, getting 17 fouls in the first half alone. They were not being merciful in the slightest. Martin and Gavi were on each other on the front left wing, slamming into each other at every opportunity. You rushed on the field for a few head collisions, but otherwise, you spent the game on the sidelines. In the 78th minute, the score was 1-0 to Barca, and they were about to take a corner kick. Martin was on Gavi, with Ferran occupying close space in the box.

"Get out of the way Pablito, the big boys are playing." Martin taunted in his ear. Gavi shrugged off the comment, tracking the movements of Frenkie, who was about to take the kick. That was until he felt himself be shoved in the neck. He turned to Martin, who was staring at him smugly, before shoving him back. Hard. Sociedad and Barca players start to crowd around the two, who are up in each other's faces, inches away from blows. The teams are trying to hold their star players back.

"What the fuck is your problem, cabron? Can't score a fucking goal, so now you want to wrestle?"

Martin breaks free from his teammates, grabbing Gavi by the neck. Ferran watches the two, not interfering as the referee ran towards them, blowing his whistle like crazy. You watch from the sideline, biting your nails to the beds.

"I want you to fuck off and stop eye-fucking my girlfriend. She won't touch your baby dick, Pablito."

The ref is the one to pull Martin off Gavi's neck, presenting him with a red card and sending him off.

"I'm never going to hit you on the field Zubimendi. So you better avoid me when we're not on grass, because I'll knock your fucking teeth out."

Gavi turned to Ferran, who was still watching the interaction. "You've got no fucking loyalty, Torres. And it will bite you in the ass one day. Soon."

~~~

Your drive home with Martin was silent. You didn't know what to say to him. You were terrified to utter Gavi's name, because you knew it would open up the topic of the hoodie again, and you weren't ready to be yelled at. At the end of the game, you kissed Martin on the cheek. You looked past him and saw Gavi, celebrating with the rest of the boys with faint bruises on his neck. You wanted to run over and apologize, but you couldn't, because the man you should be caring about was dragging you off the field.

You unpack your things from your car as Martin walks into the house, not bothering to wait for you. He is eager to get in the shower and wash away the humiliating 3-0 loss he just suffered at the hands of his 'enemy' Gavi no less. You entered the house, staring at the cold, eggshell walls with posters of Martin hanging on them, and a chill ran down your spine. There was something hostile and uninviting about the house. You always wanted to run away, like it was haunted by the spirit of something pushing you out. You changed your clothes, sitting in bed and waiting for Martin to join you. Scrolling through Instagram, you liked all the victory posts on your feed, wanting to support your team, even if you were sleeping with the enemy.

[Gavi]: Hey

[Gavi]: I saw u leave w martin ... hope ur ok

[Gavi]: sorry about fighting on the field

You smiled as you opened the messages from Gavi. Despite their fight, he was still putting aside his hatred of the man to make sure you were okay. Before you could answer, the bathroom door opened, causing you to hastily lock your phone and throw it to the bedside table.

[Doctora]: Read - 11:07pm

Martin approached you in just his towel, still slightly damp. He opened the drawer next to you, pulling out a travel shot of Fireball and throwing it back quickly. He then got on the bed, moving to straddle you, trapping you under his body weight.

"Bonita... you know we've been dating for months now and you still haven't asked me to fuck you?" He said, voice low and sultry. You bit your lip, unsure how to respond. You looked up at him through long lashes.

"I have to ask for you to fuck me? I thought you would be the one to ask if you wanted to do it."

"You don't want to baby?"

You were unsure how to reply. You had never looked at Martin and had the carnal urge to strip him down and have him take you, but sex was supposed to be a normal part of relationships. Maybe you had been unfairly denying Martin of essentially his right.

"I'm... too shy to ask for something like that."

Martin grinned from ear to ear. He licked his lips, bending down and capturing yours in a wet kiss. He was rough and fast, not wanting to waste any time. He tore off the blankets that surrounded you, slowly unbuttoning your shirt. This was the farthest the two of you had gone. He allowed his towel to drop, leaning back to let you admire his already hard cock. You looked at it for a moment before remembering that you should be impressed. You widened your eyes and parted your lips, making a comment about how big it was, and you watched him throb. He stripped you out of the rest of your clothes, kissing your skin roughly. You reciprocated, closing your eyes and sucking on his neck. He moved away, grabbing your chin.

"No markings, baby. You know better."

Gavi sat on his couch at home, TV playing in the background as he stared at the dent beside him. Your imprint was there, although faint. He thought back to that night - the closeness he felt to you, both physically and emotionally. He knew he should have kissed you, confessed his feelings, told you to forget Martin ever existed and be happy with a Barca boyfriend. But he couldn't. He couldn't form the words to tell you that you were the very light that brightened his days, and the cool breeze that soothed him to sleep. He couldn't tell you that every moment he wasn't focused on a ball, he was thinking about you. About the way you laughed and spoke and moved. About the curve of your lips he was desperate to trace with the tip of his tongue. About the way your hair felt beneath his fingertips as he played with it while you slept. He couldn't do it. So he stared at your spot on the couch, glancing over at his phone regularly, waiting for the 'Read' to turn into three typing dots that turned into a little gray bubble filled with your words to him. Just for him.

You lay before Martin completely naked, eyes glued shut. You tried to focus on the feeling more than the person. You let our little moans when he kissed your breasts, trying to encourage him as much as possible so that he would go faster and be done quicker. You heard the sound of a wrapper ripping, and he rolled it on while speaking to you.

"Ready baby?" "Yeah, I think so."

He slipped inside you quickly, groaning into your neck about how warm and tight you were. You kept your eyes shut. You had flashbacks to the couch in the basement. The tears started to prick and burn at your eyes, and you let one fall. He licked it off of you, laughing in satisfaction.

"Is this cock too much for you baby? You crying cause I'm too big? Fuck that's so hot." He said, as he continued thrusting in with no pace or rhythm. You brought your legs up around him, pushing him closer to you, hoping to make him bust quick so that you could go to bed. With eyes still shut, you saw someone else. You saw hazel eyes shining in artificial yellow light, and you clenched around your boyfriend.

"Ugh yeah baby just like that."

The eyes were now replaced by lips, soft and pink, separating into the most captivating smile.

"I'm close baby, so close."

You wished Martin was one of those men who was silent in bed. You wanted to shush him, tell him that the sexy lips in your imagination were about to speak, but you just continued rocking your hips to the makeshift rhythm. The lips parted, a tongue poking out to wet them, before they spoke to you.

"Doctora."

You clenched hard around your boyfriend, pressing him deep inside you, and that was it. He let out a high pitched groan as he came into the condom. He collapsed on top of you, and you allowed your eyes to open, another tear falling, which was quickly wiped away by Martin.

"That was great, baby. Totally worth the wait. Never knew it could be so hot watching you cry."

He rolled off of you and went to sleep, but you were wide awake.

[Doctora]: sorry for the late response

[Doctora]: phone died :(

[Doctora]: yeah im fine

[Doctora]: hope martin didnt hurt u too bad... Sweet dreams Pablo

[Gavi]: Same to u doctora <3

You didn't sleep that night. You watched the clock tick on until 5am, getting in your car and driving to your place. You stripped, throwing everything martin had touched in the hamper. If they weren't your work clothes, they would be in a donation bin. You stepping into the shower and began your hour long scrub. As you moved closer to your upper thighs, tears began welling up again. You didn't regret having sex with Martin, because that's what couples do. But you cried anyways. You cried because you had felt light a fleshlight the way he pumped and dumped in 2 minutes. You cried because he couldn't even ask 'Did you cum?' like some sleazy frat boy who rubbed your left lip vigorously for 15 seconds. You cried because you had sex with your committed boyfriend, and the only way to enjoy it was to close your eyes and think of the boy at your job. You scrubbed your skin raw, pinpricks of blood appearing on your upper thighs.

~~~

Over the next two weeks, you had sex with Martin three more times. Every time, it was the same result. He entered you, you teared up, you closed your eyes and pictured Gavi, and Martin came in under 3 minutes. It had made interacting with Gavi awkward to say the least. When driving him home, you did you best to focus only on the road, trying not to look at his hands or his thighs or his God forsaken lips. After the last game you attended, you were determined not to look at him at all while he was in the car, until he discovered that was your last game before the break.

"You're not coming to our game against Sevilla? Why not? It's the last one before the Christmas and international break."

You had to look at him at this point, but you wished you hadn't. He looked so adorable and pouty, eyes wide with longing. Gavi wouldn't get to see you after this if you weren't at the next game, seeing as he would be going directly from Barca training to Spain National team training.

"My last exam conflicts with it. I'll be able to catch the second half on TV, but there's no way for me to actually go."

"So this is it then? Until January?" He asked, voice low and sad-sounding. He didn't want to let you go. He didn't want to spend the next month away from you. He didn't want to think about the fact that you would be in Martin's arms for the entirety of that break.

"Try not to miss me too much, Pablo. I'll be back before you know it. Kick ass on Tuesday."

He leaned over the dash, hugging you tightly to his chest. You closed your eyes, making sure that you racing heart could not be felt by the boy hugging you tight. Gavi hoped that you would not notice how shaky he was. He didn't want you to know how nervous he was to be initiating a hug with you.

"Oh, before I forget, here you go." You said, reaching into the back and handing him his hoodie. Gavi felt his heart break. For a month you had worn his hoodie almost daily. Why would you return it now? Every time he felt he was getting closer to you, something was snapping the string between you and pulling you away. Did you not want to associate with him anymore?

"I feel bad, keeping your hoodie when it was never given to me. So I wanted to return it to its owner."

Gavi looked at you and smiled. You were so fucking cute. He took the hoodie from you, then reached into his bag, pulling out his body spray. He drenched the hoodie, then folded it back up and held it in front of you.

"I am officially giving you this hoodie. I hope it brings you comfort and warmth. And makes you think of me." He ends with a wink, and you giggle. He leaves your car, sparing you once last glance before waving you off. You left Gavi with butterflies in your stomach.

This is how you found yourself sitting at home, in underwear, tube socks, and Gavi's hoodie, watching the Barca match. You got out of your exam 15 minutes early, giving you enough time to get home and change. You loved watching the games on TV - the announcers made it much more entertaining. You weren't sure if you were hyper-focused on him or the camera just loved Gavi today, but he seemed to be the subject of every zoom-in. He looked so much better from this angle: thick arms wrapped in the tight sleeves of his shirt, sweat dripping from his forehead, hair slicked back and showing off his sculpted face. You pulled up his sweater, breathing in the smell deeply, and subconsciously bringing your thighs together.

The longer you watched the match, the more turned on you became. You started scrolling through Instagram during the game, looking at the fan accounts who posted pictures of Gavi. You stopped on one post in particular. It was a looping video, which showed Gavi on his knees on the field. He lifts his shirt to wipe his face, exposing his V-line. You thought that was the end, almost scrolling before you see it. Gavi runs his tongue across the inside of his mouth, and then proceeds to spit on the field. it was not uncommon for players to spit on the grass, but this was different. The fat glob of Gavi's saliva created a trail from his lips.

You watched the video again. And again. And again and again. You couldn't stop. Your hand traveled down your torso, toying with your nipples, until you reached the hem of your panties. As the video started again, you dipped your fingers past the waistband, feeling instantly how slick you were. Your cheeks burned with guilt - Gavi was your friend. He was someone you worked he. He was several years younger than you. And yet, you moved your fingers against your clit watching him spit on the grass. Your eyes fluttered shut, as you remembered the feel of hugging Pablo, the feel of him against your chest. The beat of his heart. The sound of his voice calling out your name. His raspy 'Good morning'. Would he sound like that when he was struggling to remain in control? You moved faster, soft moans leaving your lips as you worked yourself into a frenzy. You were getting closer, hearing Gavi in your head, until..

Incoming Call: Gavi

You wretched your hand away, embarrassed with yourself for getting off to the thought of your friend, while you had a boyfriend nonetheless. You took a deep breath, wiping your face with your clean hand, and picked up the call.

"Hello?"

"Doctora!! did you see the game? Are you home? How was the exam?"

"Uh... what do I answer first?"

"Actually, you can tell me when you see me. You need to come to Camp Nou."

This made you sit up straight. "I need to what?"

"I need some... emergency care. You need to get here as soon as possible."

You arrived to the stadium frantic, in Gavi's hoodie, some sneakers, and some sweats. You burst into Dr. Gonzalez's office, seeing three doctors all crowded around Gavi. When they parted, you gasped. He had a black eye, dried blood in a streak beneath his eye.

"What the fuck did you do?" You asked, putting on gloves so that you could get cleaning.

"I took a header that was, uhm... kind of low."

You started cleaning with an alcohol wipe, eliciting a hiss from Gavi.

"How low? The grass?"

Gavi went silent, and you groaned and rolled your eyes. You turned to look at the other doctors present.

"Did you guys call me in on my day off to clean up some dried blood and apply a bandage?"

Turns out, you were the only person on staff that could make sure he didn't have any orbital or internal bleeding in his skull. You allowed the rest of the medical staff to take off as you ran tests on Gavi and his swollen eye.

"So, doctora, any plans for the break?"

"I'm probably going to spend it with Martin, since he will be free for all of it."

Gavi scoffed at this. "Right, because he didn't get called for the national team. He gets a month long vacation now."

"He plays the same position as you, Gavi. I knew he would never get chosen over you. You're Spain's golden boy."

Gavi crossed his arms over his chest in satisfaction.

"Damn straight."

~~~

You drove Gavi home, blasting some of your favorite music from college through your car's speakers. You wanted to roll the windows down, but Gavi reminded you that December in Barcelona was not the best time for that.

"LISTEN BABY THIS A LAMBOURGHINI NOT A BENZ, I DON'T EVEN GET THE TIME TO FUCK YOU ON THE WEEKEND-"

"Alright I'm going inside my house I can't stand the yelling," Gavi laughs out as he exits your car. You lower the volume and exit the car as well. You walk over to Gavi, giving him a tight hug. Neither of you wanted to let go.

"Good luck, Pablo. You're going to do amazing. When do you go to Switzerland?" You asked, looking at the pavement rather than into his eyes. You were still embarrassed from your earlier activities regarding picturing Gavi's face.

"We leave in three days, so you don't need to start missing me until Friday night. Until then, you know where I live if you start going through Gavi withdrawals." You both laughed lightly, an awkward silence settling between you two. He was the first to move, lifting a hand to wave and he began walking towards the door. You got back in your car, trying to call Martin. He didn't respond, but you had his location. He was at home according to Find my Friends. You decided to go to his place and surprise him, starting the break together with him. Maybe the two of you could go out and celebrate - him the halfway mark of the season, and you the end of exams.

Gavi sighed when he cam back into his house, slumping onto his couch. He looked once again at the spot where you slept. There was that fucking ache again. He felt a gnawing at his soul when you weren't around - something akin to guilt. It's like the universe was asking him 'why'. Why didn't you tell her that her boyfriend is hot garbage and you could be everything that she needed? Why didn't you kiss her the thousand times you had a chance? He felt a pang from his eye - the ibuprofen must be wearing off. He reached into his bag to find the bottle and pop another, when he feels an envelope. He was instantly curious - when did someone have access to his bag to slip this in?

To Pablo, From Dr &lt;3

He ripped open the top, and out came a letter and a printed photo. It was a picture that someone from the media team had taken when you first started working there, right after the summer international break. Gavi was stretched on the table, with you behind him, helping him stretch out. You both wore deep scowls, your distain for each other evident then. The note was short, and read:

To Pablo G,

Happy Holidays and Happy Break! My salary can't buy you a better gift than you can buy yourself, so here is a picture from the beginning days of our dynamic friendship duo. Maybe we should go back to hating each other - we both look really hot when we frown.

Love, your favorite Physio &lt;3

Gavi, the teenager that he still was, hugged the photo and letter to his chest, his smile so wide it hurt his face. You were thinking about him. You thought about him enough to find a gift, get it for him, and slip it into his bag during his eye exam. Fuck, what should he get you?

His train of thought was cut off by screaming and banging on his door.

"Pablo! Let me in! Get the fuck away from me!"

It was your voice. You were screaming at the top of your lungs, your voice hoarse - like you had been sobbing. Gavi leaped off his couch, running to the door and flinging it open. He felt the wait of you fall into his chest, your body wracked with sobs. Your legs weren't strong enough to keep you standing, so he held up your weight. He clutched you tightly, wanting to keep you safe. He looked up, and he saw who it was you were running screaming from: Martin.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hey y'all!! Hope you enjoy part 6!! Maybe I shouldn't say this because I made y'all wait for so long, but I don't think this part is as good as the last one. Part 7 gonna be a Banger tho. Anyways, please let me know your comments, thoughts, feedback, and theories in the replies or in my ask box!!! I love reading everything you guys think about this series!! Also, I love when people find little details/ easter eggs in the writing, so do w that info what you will. Next part won't take nearly as long. Have a great night y'all see u soooooon <<<<33333

Also please comment if you want to be added to the taglist ok bye

*~*Taglist*~*

@l0verl4ne @vibinwkay @anastasia-nova @mxgvmiii @mads-grace4 @bubblebeep69 @katluckybear @scuderiabarca @alwaysclassyeagle @simpingmyassoff @grlwithprblms @lqvesoph @pink-manz @graziemille @xxenia14 @nngkay @icedlattewithextracaramel @gyusrose @vip-access @julianalvarez9 @lavie3nrose @ge0rg1ewaa @i8yul @lovefordilfs271 @remuslupinluver @thattaylorswiftobsessedbitch @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @kaismybabe @notanenthucutlet @fullsun9890 @venomwh0re @renaissancewhxre @gaviandgrizisgirl

[mylovelies-docx]

Sorry, I Love You - Part 9

Oh wow, a new chapter? Who'd have thunk it.

My posting schedule is all off and I honestly don't know if I can get it back under control. I have no idea when I'll get time to sit down and write and when inspiration will strike, so I can't assure weekly updates. But I'll try my hardest to get this story out! I have future chapters written, it's just that I have no way of connecting them right now :/ Oops.

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: Ah shit, here we go again. Angst, arguments, jealousy

Word Count: 2,250

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5][Part 6][Part 7][Part 8]

Some moments are easier than others. Sometimes you feel like you���re not pining like a love-sick teenager enough to think that you can actually do this – you can actually be friends with the man you love.

But then there are moments like tonight.

A few weeks have passed since community get-together, and you and Bucky are the new kids in town. Everyone drops by to say hello, leave you with enough food to last the winter, and invite you both back to their homes for dinner. It’s all very sweet, and you would appreciate the hospitality in any other situation.

But the amount of mothers trying to marry their daughters off to Bucky is insane. 

Several have not-so-subtley seated Bucky next to daughters of marriageable age, while everyone else is silently discouraged from interrupting their conversations. It skeezes you out when the girls are barely out of their teens, but most of the girls are around your age or older. Morality-wise, that’s a whole lot more appropriate. Internal monologue-wise, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh doesn’t even begin to cover it. What you feel whenever he laughs at something they say, or looks at them with his intense blue eyes – it hurts. That’s how he used to look at you, once upon a time. Like his life wouldn’t be the same without you in it, like you’re one of the most important people in his world.

To be fair to Bucky, you probably read waaaay more into it than he ever meant. And you only ever really saw that look come out when you were straddling his waist and grinding hard on his cock, skin mottled with his teeth marks and wearing his metal hand as a necklace. 

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Anyway,

You’re usually placed next to older, widowed relatives, as most of the young men in the town have already settled down and popped out a few kids with their spouses except for Petre. Tessa foists the two of you together at every possible opportunity, hoping you’ll hit it off and decide to get married in the near future. 

Petre is nice, smart, cute, but not really your type. You’re convinced that you’ve only ever had one type and he’s off-limits. But Petre’s company is much more enjoyable than the sad, lonely older men they try to pair you with – it never feels great to be compared to someone’s long lost love – so you don’t mind having someone around your age to talk during these things.

Speaking of.

“It’s a nice night, yeah?” Petre comments. The night is warmer than expected, but you and Petre are still bundled up in your coats as you stroll through the dead copse of trees near the latest dinner party. The sun had set only minutes ago and the stars are making their presence known. There’s next to no light pollution in this area, so you always take the time to admire the night sky when you have the chance. 

You often take walks with Bucky up and down your street as a way to decompress after your shifts at the HYDRA facility. After the first week or so of being everyone’s errand-runner, they’ve slowly built up your workload to include calculations and deductions based on redacted data – it’s not as much information as you’d like, but it’s enough to build a foundational understanding of what the experiment was about.

You hum in agreement and continue walking. It’s about time to turn around and head back, but you can’t bring yourself to return only to watch Bucky flirt with the pretty girls that were also invited.  

“Is something the matter?” Petre asks you.

You startle out of your petty, jealous thoughts. “Hm? Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong,” you reply with a smile.

“It’s just that you seem very distracted tonight,” he responds.

With your hands in your pocket, the only thing you can do is shrug your shoulders. “Just tired, is all. It’s been a long week at the office.”

“Ah, I know the feeling,” Petre commiserates. 

All of the sudden, a wailing, piercing shriek ricochets between the tree trunks and reverberates in your ears. Tensing with adrenaline, you take two steps forward, ready to intervene in whatever events are unfolding in the darkness.

Before you get much further, Petre reaches out and takes hold of your elbow. Turning you around, he starts leading the way back. You try to tug your arm from his grip, but he holds firm.

“The cry of a vixen who is looking to mate. They’re rather vicious creatures this time of year, foxes. We don’t want to get in her way,” Petre deters.

“But…” you begin, looking back over your shoulders and watching for unexpected movement among the swaying branches. “It sounds so real.”

“Terrifying, really. I was just as concerned when they began, as well.” Petre gives you a tight smile and relaxes his grip slightly when you stop trying to pull away.

“What do you mean?” you question.

“What?” Petre’s eyes flash around quickly, looking through the woods that surround you.

“‘When they began’. What do you mean by that?”

“Ah,” Petre replies. “When mating season began.”

There’s no more discussion on the eerily accurate sound of a woman in distress. You can only trust that Petre would know the local fauna and their habits better than you, since you’ve never spent an extended period of time in areas such as this.

***

The neighbor’s house finally comes into view. A lone figure stands silhouetted against the porch as they lean against the railings, their arms braced against the banister and posture rigid. When you get closer, you realize that the figure is Bucky. 

You can’t see his face, but you can feel his eyes on you. And apparently Petre can as well.

“He doesn’t like me?” Petre asks.

“Why do you say that?” The question puzzles you because Bucky has no reason to dislike Petre. He’s been incredibly helpful so far, allowing you to ask as many questions as you want about himself and others and he doesn’t seem bothered by it at all. In fact, you feel as if you and Petre have become friends.

“It just seems like he’s never happy to see me.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that – James just has RBF,” you reply nonchalantly.

“RBF?” Petre replies.

You laugh as you and Petre climb the stairs, only now realizing that he still has a hand on your arm. You’d forgotten all about it, but you miss the slight warmth that permeated through your jacket when he removes his touch. You turn to look at him, but Petre is looking away, his hands now deep in his pockets. Turning your focus onto Bucky, you see him watching Petre, his eyes squinted.

A large smile returns to your face as you reach up and grab Bucky’s chin, squishing his cheeks and making his lips pucker from the pressure. “This –” you say triumphantly, “is an RBF.”

Bucky glares down at you and swats your hand away. You cackle at the perfect example of Resting Bitch Face™ in front of you, throwing your head back in joy. When you right your posture again, you can see a small smile on Bucky’s face as he laughs along with you.

“Whatever,” he murmurs. He shakes his head in exasperation before circling his arm around your shoulders. Bucky begins dragging you back down the steps you had just ascended and you grunt in protest. “It’s time to go,” he says simply.

“Ugh, you’re so rude,” you say to him. Craning your neck as much as possible, you look back towards Petre who remains on the porch. “I’ll see you later!” you call backwards with a wave. Petre raises a hand in return, face hidden in shadow as Bucky’s had been.

Focusing back on the road in front of you, you can practically feel what little mirth Bucky had drains away. Looking up, you notice that his jaw is clenched and a hard look has entered his eye.

“What’s wrong?” Now you’re worried that something happened to Bucky while you were gone that has put him in a bad mood. Did someone say something to him? Did one of the women reject his advances? You can’t see who in their right mind would turn him down, but not everyone feels the same way about him as you do. But if it’s the latter, the guilt you feel only slightly outweighs the relief.

“You don’t think you’re spendin’ too much time with him?” Bucky says between clenched teeth.

A frown appears between your eyebrows as you continue to look up at him. “No?” you respond. “He doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Ofcoursehedoesn’t,” Bucky mutters under his breath, but you can still hear him.

You slide out from under Bucky’s hold, his agitation sparking flames of your own. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You don’t think you’re leadin’ him on a bit, Y/N?” Bucky asks you.

You scoff. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“You’re always hangin’ around him!” Bucky quips back. “You’re flirting with him and walking out of parties together. All these people, Petre included, are going to think you’re pitching for an engagement.”

The hurt and pitiful feelings from earlier tonight come flooding back. Only this time, instead of feeling them for what they are, you combine them with the anger his comment brings. How dare he accuse you of leading Petre on? As if he isn’t doing the same thing to all those girls?!

“And what about you?!” you yell, the last word ripping its way between your lips and setting your tongue ablaze. “You don’t think you’re stringing all these girls along behind you? You don’t have any intention of getting into a relationship with any of them, either, do you?” 

As the words escape, you remember how Bucky sat you down and asked for a friends-with-benefits situation. Said he wasn’t ready for a real relationship, but tired of one night stands. How the two of you could help each other out since you weren’t seeing anyone either. The old resentment towards yourself and how you let yourself fall for someone wholly unavailable whiplashes back into your mind after months of repressing it. 

If he could ask that of you, does that mean he’s asked someone else? You usually arrive home later than him, but on some occasions that you are released early, he’s not there. Instead of asking where he’s been, you had just let it slide since it could have been construed as possessiveness. Like your feelings – that Bucky believes to be long gone – entitle you to his life. You hadn’t wanted to risk anything at the time, but now your mind can’t help running wild at the possibilities.

“It’s not like I’m screwing his brains out every time we’re gone!” You shout at Bucky. You had been walking down the road away from the house party which was on a street with few homes, so there’s nobody around to hear your fight. “We’re not in the bathrooms having quickies, he’s not fucking me against a wall, or bending me over his motorcycle! He hasn’t proposed we fuck around with each other until someone better comes along!” 

Your chest heaves with the effort of expelling these vicious words from deep within your heart, and you can feel a burning beginning to creep behind your eyes. You hate getting angry – hate that any strong emotion makes your eyes well with tears and makes you look weak. And in this situation, you are weak – weak against Bucky, weak against yourself, weak against the knowledge that the one man you’ve ever loved never felt the same way and never will. Your inability to keep yourself from falling for someone you knew you could never have? Your jealousy that he is probably sleeping with one or more of the women in town? That makes you weak. 

And you can’t stand to be weak in front of Bucky again.

“Newsflash, Buck: I know how it feels to be lead on by you and it fucking sucks!” You lower your voice slightly and take another step away from him. “I know that wasn’t your intention, and I didn’t feel that way at first, but that’s how I feel now.”

“You were my best friend, Y/N – I didn’t want to lose that!” Bucky exclaims. “And I genuinely thought we were on the same page!” He takes a deep breath and clasps his hands over his eyes before saying, “And seeing you run off with Petre all the time just reminds me of us – how we’d always sneak away to get some time alone. It’s just –” He drops his hands and sighs heavily, looking up at the star-studded sky and then back down to you. “I’m jealous.”

“You’re jealous?” You ask incredulously. “Why?”

“Because –” You can tell that he’s struggling to get this out, and if he hadn’t started this argument and accused you of wronging Petre, you might have been more receptive to what he’s saying. More understanding. But right now, your anger swallows all empathy and hope that his words would usually supply. “Because that could have been us,” he breathes. Bucky takes a tentative step in your direction, but freezes solid at the icy glare you send his way.

“No,” you say flatly, “No, it couldn’t have. You made that abundantly clear when I asked.”

You turn your back on him and start running, ignoring the sound of your name as you leave Bucky behind.

Part 10

Taglist: @jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewifeife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshinee @happinessinthebeingg @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283

[alienpupy]

so i'm a trans guy whos taking sports classes in college. and just from observation. Cis boys in mixed gender sports are so fucking misogynistic.

I'm far along enough in my transition now that i pass almost all the time and the fucking whiplash from how guys in group sports treat me now vs last year alone (when i didnt pass as often) is really horrible. Like obviously I had already noticed how male teammates treated me as a girl but now that they see me as a guy (an obviously queer guy, but still) its like. Oh you guys can actually see your other teammates you just actively ignore the girls on purpose. Jesus christ.

There's a few really short girls in my class this semester, and one in particular i kinda made friends with during the first week. We were in the same team and I made a point to pass her the ball whenever I could, because at the start no one else would. And guess what! She's fast and has a good eye, and with that team we won like 3/4 of the matches we played. The others even started passing her the ball too once they realised she was a decent player.

In today's class the teacher changed the teams, I'm no longer with her, instead shes in a team with the two tallest and most athletic cis boys of the group, and a few other 5' nothing girls. And they're the worst fucking team in the class because the two guys only pass the ball between themselves, and since the girls can fucking tell they're being ignored, they put in like half the effort they would otherwise.

And I'm just reminded of that year of sports class in high school where the boys in my class were so aggressively shitty the teacher had to separate sports into girls and guys teams for the rest of the year. Not because the girls were inately any worse than the guys, but because the girls could fucking tell the guys were actively excluding them from games they were supposed to all play in, so they stopped trying. Because fucking obviously.

I'm honestly convinced that women's sports are only separate because cis men don't feel like they have to play fair against women. Thats a learned behavior. Women have been told their whole lives that men are stronger and they shouldnt even try, so they don't feel like they can. That's a learned behavior. The idea that women shouldn't compete with men but instead be relegated to a secondary, less important category is inherently misogynistic. The problem is in how society treats women, and how it teaches boys to see girls, and how it teaches girls to see themselves.

If you make this post about trans people in sports I'll kill you

[delta-gambit-au]

SYNERGY

“We were a good team. They knew the best strategies and they listened to my ideas with an open mind. It was the recipe for their success, earning a nice promotion within the company and making me proud. Being the talk of our co-workers was the cherry on top.” — Spam

It takes effort to create something that was never seen before. It takes guts to keep pushing forward with that never before seen idea that is not aligned with any of the current trending standards. You know that people will not take it seriously, but that shouldn’t deter you from delivering more and more of it. In time everything will click into place, and you will be glad that you haven't stopped when you started to hesitate along the way. It’s daunting, and at the same time, discouraging. But moving forward is the only way, the only path. I think the Addisons of my AU has shown me a lot of that, that ideas can’t bloom if they aren’t sown before, even if they look ugly and dull at first. To keep nurturing them alone is very hard, but one day the effort will pay off and no regrets will come to bite you back.

Anyway, the backstory of Spamton and his Addison co-workers has a very storied past. Slowly I’m gleaning some of what he was, how he got to know his friends, why the White Addisons are a dying breed and why he was forced to change his name and his own archetype to stick it to the system. You might be surprised of all the stuff Spam needed to do in order to survive, but for now, concept arts of ideas and research is all what I have to share about that.

I’m weaving a very deep story behind the origins of Spam and the forces controlling the market of Cyber World and the life of the Cyberians, and why the law forbids any direct contact with Lightners (that was before Kris and friends dropped by). Spam here is just a number, subject #451, one of many. All look the same. All do the same. All have no interests beyond the success of the company in which they grew up to become another white-collared walking utility. Everything would change when he receives an invitation to a cyber-grill to meet with one of the marketing groups he was assigned to. It was the beginning of change, and the start of his voluntary corruption. That's as much as I can say 👀 Oh, also I found out while sprucing their profiles that Sears and Spam share the same birthday day, 3rd of May, though Sears is 5 years older than Spam as they were born in 1973 😅They are the oldest of the Addison group, and that makes them the butt of jokes sometimes.

I need to explore some art-style in order to give substance to this part of the plot and tweak its world-building, which will be unlockable flashbacks in the visual-novel. There's also a new character villain I'm trying to breath life to who appears during the epilogue of the first season. I hope people will like to see a new villain Darkner. He's also another walking DAEMON like Spwatchton but this one works for the LOCAL-SYS whereas Spwatchton is one of the undercover rebels.

Sorry if my content is coming out slow or half-baked. I'm still concept-arting and being nagged at the same time by RL more often than not. Yesterday I had yet another doctor appointment to go to and this week should be my ophthalmologist...

I also... joined the Art Fight of this year... My first time doing this. Though I'm not sure if I'll be able to be very active, I'm going to fill everything with Addisons and other Darkners from my AU to force myself to make their character profiles and see if anybody would do fanart of them (who doesn't like to get fanarts of their OCs? 😅)

As of other updates, we are expecting a final interview with a good company next week that seemed pretty interested in us as we fit their profile well. Fingis crossed! 🤞

[corazondebeskar-reads]

march fic madness rec list

TYSM to @the-blind-assassin-12 for this absolutely awesome idea of reccing 63 fics over 31 days as a "march madness" for fic engagement!

based on these challenge guidelines, I'll update this list with my recs as the month goes on.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

key:

💀 dead dove | 🏴 dark | ⛓ bdsm | 💕 fluff

note: these are in order that I read and reblogged; the number is not a ranking of any other sort

"a kindness you can't afford" by @joelscruff 🏴 (dark!Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: there are no limits to how or when joel plays with his special girl.

2. "sweet days of summer" by @ozarkthedog (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: you and joel sneak away for a quick fuck during a family outing.

3. the gift of your grave by @gasolinerainbowpuddles (Dave York x Frankie Morales)

summary: Max has elbowed his way into a prestigious, high paying corporate career, and he enjoys the luxuries it offers – primarily, doing what he wants, getting what he wants, and never wavering from making himself the top priority. Enter Frankie, the contracted corporate pilot who’s on the upswing after a long line of struggles and mistakes. When his recovery is compromised, will Max give in to the desire to put someone else first? Will Frankie allow himself to believe he’s worthy of being put first?

4. "between two lungs" by @ozarkthedog (Joel Miller x f!reader x Tess Servopolous)

summary: you join Joel and Tess mid fuck.

5. "Swelter" by @notjustjavierpena (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: You have a crush on Sarah’s father. It is summer, it is hot, and you just want a cold drink.

6. "you wanted this" series (ongoing) by @alwaysmicado (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: Joel and you have a fun dynamic going. You provoke him, he punishes you - you both get off. When you meet him after you’ve fucked someone else, he decides to show you who you belong to. It’s all fun and games, right?

7. "smother" series (ongoing) by @beardedjoel 🏴⛓(dark!Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: can you hold a man as both your savior to be worshipped and the monster that he is?

8. the dress series (complete) by @janaispunk ⛓ (Dave York x f!reader)

summary: You’re having an affair with Dave York. When he takes you on a week-long vacation, you realize that you have deeper feelings for him than you should.

9. "Enjoy the Silence" by @strang3lov3 (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: You trespass into Joel’s house in search of some peace and quiet so you can get yourself off. Joel catches you in his bed in a compromising position.

10. "glory o" by @milla-frenchy (Javi P. x f!reader x Steve Murphy)

summary: you work in a brothel, and two guys want to try something new

11. "fine art" by @lincolndjarin 🏴(dark!Javi G. x f!reader)

summary : you were an up and coming actress, javi is your biggest fan, he’d do anything to have meet you.

12. "the end of the world" by @studioghibelli (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: you had a strict relationship with joel that stuck to the rules. fuck, leave, repeat. it was only a matter of time until feelings were dragged into the mix. when joel leaves at the first sign of love, you’re left wondering what you had done wrong. 

13. "run rabbit" by @mermaidgirl30 🏴⛓(Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: At the beginning of every month, you meet Joel to play a little game of hide and seek at the abandoned mansion near Jackson. It’s not just any game of hide and seek though. It’s dark and it’s twisted. If he catches you, he gets to do whatever he wants with you.

14. "All The Fear and The Fire of The End of The World" by @criticallyacclaimedstranger (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: Joel has told Ellie about what happened in Salt Lake City, and she is livid with him. Seeking comfort with you, Joel however finds you in the grips of a nasty flu, and has to put his own needs aside to nurse you.

15. "men like me" series (ongoing?) by @lokischocolatefountain 🏴⛓ (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: Joel’s warnings about what men like him would do to girls like you only makes you want him more

16. "seasons of you (year 1 - spring)" by @kedsandtubesocks (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: it’s your very first spring living in the valley & you’re very sure Joel Miller already wants you leave

17. dress up joel series (ongoing) by @covetyou (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: when a mysterious stranger breaks into your house, and keeps breaking into your house, he gives you the fright, and the ride, of your life. Welcome to your seasonal encounters with one Mr. Joel Miller.

18. "savior" by @ozarkthedog (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: joel saves you from a crooked qz guard and you want to thank him properly aka joel fucks you in an alley.

19. "sweet release" by @cavillscurls ⛓ (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: the aftermath of finishing without joel’s permission.

20. "over the edge" by @ilovepedro ⛓ (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: Joel agonizingly taunts you before pushing you over the edge.

21. "confines" by @gutsby 🏴⛓ (dark!Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: dark!Joel explaining to you how reader-proofed the bunker, because you're his now and he's never ever letting you go.

22. "sir" by @honeyedmiller (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: ceo!joel miller x f!reader drabble

23. "touch" by @morallyinept (Joel Miller x f!reader)

summary: Inspired by that GIF. You know the one. Yeah. Nuff’ said.

[between-two-fandoms]

10 JoshxEddie hcs because I rewatched s5 and am delulu

This largely takes place in a season 5-adjacent AU, but I have various hcs that span across the show. And also Marisol doesn't exist. If it gets enough interest I'll write it.

PS: their ship name is Riaz(?)

Before they get together Eddie sees a creepy guy harassing Josh at a bar one time when they're all out for drinks after most of the main squad leaves and pretends to be his boyfriend to intimidates the fuck out of creepy guy until he leaves Josh alone. Josh has a panic attack about the creepy guy because of his trauma. Eddie helps guide him through it, then gets him home safely.

After that day Eddie starts feeling Things whenever he thinks of Josh and he can't put a name to it but he wants to make sure Josh is safe in a Overprotective Black Cat sort of way so he begins texting him regularly to make sure he's alright.

They've always been aware of each other, they work in the same circles just different environments. When Eddie starts working at dispatch he finally starts noticing Josh. Actually noticing him.

Josh and Eddie can't STAND each other at first when Eddie joins dispatch. More so Josh, because Eddie is a hot firefighter with a big heart and Josh knows needs to tread carefully. Rivals to lovers hands down.

Their first date happens when Eddie gets tired of being single and takes Hen's advice on a speed dating event at one of her favorite bars. She forgot to tell him it was a Queer bar but hey, Eddie isn't homophobic. His bestfriend is bisexual and has a boyfriend. Maybe it'll be fun. When he matches with Josh they're both painfully awkward about it until Josh and Eddie start gossiping about the other speed daters like they're watching telenovelas or the bachelor.

The infamous "You're a guest in this house, act like it!" scene ends up with Eddie rushing forward and kissing Josh against a wall because he cannot stand this man. Eddie thinks he's so smug and cocky and he thinks he hates him so much with his eyes and his soft lips. They've had all this tension building up between them, all Eddie wants is to kiss his stupid face. Imagine his surprise when Josh kisses him back.

Eddie spends weeks searching for sexuality labels, trying to find the right one. He invites Josh to go out for a beer a couple of times during his questioning phase just to spend time with him off the clock again, and Josh helps explain the idea of not needing a label unless it's something Eddie connects to. Eddie doesn't have to identify as anything specific unless he wants to. Eddie cries a lot when he gets back home.

When he finally does discover the term demisexual it suddenly feels like everything makes sense. All the puzzle pieces are perfectly aligned. Something tight unspools in his chest. He tells Josh, who celebrates with him after work. The 118 shows up too, so Eddie tells them as well and it becomes a night of celebration.

Bonus:

Eddie likes when Josh bosses him around.

Once they become established Eddie realizes how much he loves Josh being in control in the bedroom and loves how easily Josh can make his head go quiet and everything feel still.

[rebouks]

Idk if you’ve already done this (newer follower and still catching up) but would you ever do a post on how you plan a post? Like what your planning process looks like with shots, poses, etc? You’re one of my favorite storytellers and I hope to get on your level one day but no idea what goes into a true story telling post

Ooooh hi hello, welcome! I don't believe I have ever gone into my process, no! but how interesting.. what better excuse! let's take yesterdays post as an example, shall we? 👀

First of all, we start with the premise/notes, which are very rough n' look like this in a word document...

Camping – the twins are fiiighting/being a pain, Oscar loses temper with em n almost says why can’t u be like ur brother?! throwing him into memories of Salton saying that to him all the time :[ he catches himself like no wait ur perfect I just gotta finish this, twins like wtf?? But robin ofc knows what’s going on with his pappy.. Oscar wanders off later n Robin sits with him, ur not like them u kno, what? Grandma n grandpa ur not the same, OUGH ;-;

2. I suppose this step changes depending on what I feel like, sometimes I'll make the poses/take the screenies first, then write the dialogue, other times I'll write the dialogue first.. I try for the latter since I can make more accurate poses, but time is usually my enemy here cos dialogue needs a nice quiet period to write lmao (let's call this step dialogue for now though)

3. Rip sims for blender, make poses, then head in game to dress everyone, set dress and take screenies, I take a LOT and choose the best ones but here're some unedited examples for you... In this case cos there was a flashback, I also had to remake Oscar/fam as a child n' whatnot, but luckily I have their old house saved so I plonked them all in an alternative save to take those.

4. Now we have our dialogue/screenies, it's time to throw it all together in photoshop, I usually edit the screenie first to fix any clipping etc, fix the lighting, sharpen it up a bit maybe.. but that's about it! Then I press my handy lil (custom made) storyboard action and end up with smth like this, to which I add the text! (this step takes the longest prolly.. cos it takes me forever to pick the screenies I wanna use my GOD 🙈)

VOILA! Once I've chosen all the screenies in the right order I go thru each of em in PS one by one to edit/add captions, then we're done! \o/

I realise this probably seems quite quick/vague or even streamlined if u wanna toot my horn lmaooo but I've spent a while doing this by now so ig I've kinda figured out the quickest way of doing it - still tho, I'd imagine the above still taking between 4-5 hours from start to finish! I usually spread these things over days/weeks in advance tho like.. during the week I mostly make poses/take screenies and write, then at the weekend I'll usually edit a bunch n' throw it all together, so it doesn't rlly feel tedious since I'm switching it up all the time/doing what I fancy.

[haydenyoungappreciationweek]

(Note: Sorry for sending this so late, as I - @lizzybeth1986 - am feeling fairly unwell. To make up for it, I'll probably shift one of the other theme announcements to 30th, and try to get the other announcements out in a timely manner).

We're on Day 3 now, which means we are halfway through our week! We have two very exciting themes in store too and we can't wait to see what you've got for it!

The first theme for today is Soul. Every Hayden fan is familiar with their visit to Washington National Cathedral in PM2, and with the deep conversations they had with the MC (if you took the diamond option!) about spirituality and the presence of a soul in everyone. Here's your space to explore Hayden's relationship with these ideas in more depth!

Our second theme is Changes!! And this is particularly exciting to explore because Hayden's entire story represents change in a very special way! As an android, they are the beings considered the least capable of change. But even in this Hayden surprises everyone! Thanks to the Double Ripple effect, they aren't restricted or chained to a single set of personality traits, but develop a fluidity in their reactions over time. Their curiosity and desire to question makes them even more open to change and to carving their own identity! Which is why they are so open to adapting, even more than many humans in the series!

Any work is welcome – fics, art, edits, moodboards, interactive media, headcanons, meta, even screenshots of your favourite scenes! Our only requirements are that the works are original (nothing AI generated), and they center Hayden and present a positive depiction of them.

It is not necessary to put up your works only on the day of the theme – you can always put it up later. We will also be keeping a bonus week in case you’re not able to complete it during the week itself (till Oct 10th).

Please be sure to do the following when tagging your posts for HYAW 2023:

1. Use the tags #haydenyoungappreciationweek, and #HYAW, along with the day/theme you made the work for (#HYAW Day 1, #HYAW Day 2 etc).

2. Tag @haydenyoungappreciationweek, and hosts @sazanes and @lizzybeth1986 in your posts so we can access them easier!

FAN CONTENT BLOGS are the lifeline of our fandoms, esp for books that have long been over yet still have a strong fanbase. Many of them are hosting some incredible events that we highly encourage you to participate in if you feel so inclined!!

@choicesficwriterscreations – Accepts fic and art (no AI). Read up on their roster of events and guidelines here!

@choicesmonthlychallenge – Accepts fic and art. We’re almost at the end of September but can still give in entries for the “Royal Academy” event (run by @choicescommunityevents and @ladylamrian) currently hosted – particularly Day 29/Sept 29th! You could also participate in Picktober (hosted by CMC and @lovealexhunt) next month!

@choicesholidays – Mostly fic and art. Currently no events, but be on the lookout for announcements!

@choicesprompts – Mostly fic. There are a variety of events for the next three months! There is Smutember, Flufftober and Angstgiving. (Both Holidays and Prompts are hosted by @angelasscribbles)

@choicespride – All content welcome as long as it features LGBTQ+ pairings and themes! Currently no events, but they have some big plans for October! Take part in this poll for events you'd like them to host next month!

(Note from @lizzybeth1986: I'll be putting up the announcement for Day 5 tomorrow, and Day 4 on the 30th, to make up for not being able to get this done on time and to ensure people have time to both read the post and post their content. Sorry again for the delay!!)

Happy Hayden Young Appreciation Week, everyone!!

[akookminsupporter]

JIMIN'S (REAL) FACE

Jimin, your son of a bitch. You did it and what a way to go.

For a couple of weeks now in my mind, there have been several opinions forming about Jimin and the direction of his career and why I believe he will achieve many things as a Solo artist. When Set Me Free pt.2 was released those ideas evolved, but the core of them remained the same. Jimin was destined for great things as a Solo artist.

A week ago when I decided to make a post where I would write all those thoughts I didn't think it would be like this one. I thought it would be a post where I would say a thousand things sometimes without saying anything at the end, but after listening to FACE, and after reading the lyrics, I decided to do this differently.

Art is a curious subject. Complicated in how simple it can be. Maybe that's why I've never been good at understanding much about it, but one thing I do like about art is that everyone can give different interpretations to a piece of art, sometimes the interpretation will even be different from the artist who created it.

In the last couple of days, I have read some interpretations of FACE and what it means. Many agree on some opinions and others do not. Today I want to give mine.

Jimin has already explained in several interviews what his album is about. His feelings during the pandemic and after the world opened up again. Based on that I came to personal conclusions from his journey in FACE. Maybe what I say is different from what you think, maybe what I say is different from what Jimin says, but as I said, that's the beauty of art and FACE is art.

I think Jimin said it in one of his interviews, FACE is chronologically ordered. Each song describes a moment of his struggle, of his feelings, of his being, so I will try to explain how I understood the story that Jimin told with his album.

SET ME FREE PT 2.

The first song we heard from the album was Set Me Free Pt.2. A song that I personally believe describes the culmination of Jimin's journey. Jimin told us beforehand that he IS free. That he no longer cares what others think of him. Jimin told us up front that the dark world we would find in FACE is no longer his present but his past. He wanted to assure us from the beginning that he was fine.

In the interview with Rolling Stone, Jimin said it. He has already overcome everything that FACE describes.

"I don't know how people are going to react to the music, but I actually was able to completely resolve and move on from all those feelings of being lost. I'm perfectly okay now."

So yes, Jimin is finally free but I'll talk more about that when I get to that point in the story or when I get to Track 5.

FACE-OFF.

Jimin said that the album represents his feelings during the pandemic and this song perfectly describes how he felt, but it also describes so much more. I made a post yesterday giving my opinion of what I think Face-Off means and I still stand by that opinion, but today I add another layer to it. That song also signifies the battle Jimin had with himself.

The pandemic, 2020 in particular was a time when we had too much time on our hands. Too much time with our thoughts and too much time connected with other people.

I do believe that it was during this time that Jimin really knew the intentions of some people close to him and the realisation of that hurt. You see, I think Jimin is one of those people who doesn't let everyone into his inner circle and when he does it is special. Jimin is a person who likes to give, acts of service are one of his love languages. And when you betray a person like Jimin, it hurts.

But now I also think the song is about himself. The battle against his inner self. The battle against his true self.

All that time we were confined to our homes, it forced many of us to think. To evaluate and re-evaluate who we are, who we were and who we want to be. I think that was the case with Jimin.  I think Jimin during that time finally had to face himself. His demons and his true self.

There has always been this "discussion" in the fandom about whether or not Jimin is LGTBI+, for some it's obvious, for others it's not. The problem with this debate is that many read the word LGTBI+ in relation to a man and immediately think of the word Gay, forgetting that a man can also be bisexual. Bisexual erasure is unfortunately very normal in the fandom and in society in general.

Jimin once talked about how he pretended for a long time to be something he wasn't. He pretended to be this strong man. He pretended to be this strong, masculine man that society and the industry expected him to be. That time he also said that he wasn't like that anymore, that he finally was who he was, but I don't think the fight ever stopped. At least not for a long time.

When you confront yourself you go through various states of emotions. Denial, anger, desolation, understanding and finally acceptance. I believe Face-off is at least the first two of these.

Remember the video I shared where someone explained the choreography of Like Crazy? I think Face-Off is the beginning of that, but rawer, angrier, more... lost.

If you notice, all the songs on the album don't have a conclusion or solution, except for the second to last track.

I think in Face-off the inner Jimin finally says everything he feels, finally vents his frustrations and complains to the outer Jimin that he gave him everything but still let him down. And the outer Jimin lets him, lets him get it all out, is finally willing to listen.

INTERLUDE: DIVE

Dive is literally a pause in the story. It's where Jimin took a step back and decided to think. He decided to maybe think about everything that happened in Face-off. It's interesting but not surprising that Jimin here used two of the places where he's perhaps happiest, the stage, talking to his fans and running. Remember all the times he's said he discovered that running was good for him?

LIKE CRAZY (MAIN TRACK)

And we get to the crux of the story.

I think Like Crazy is a conversation with himself. The whole album is a conversation with himself, that's why the use of autotune in some parts of the songs, by distorting the voice doesn't sound like Jimin because it's not, not the outer Jimin at least.

I think to really understand Like Crazy you have to see the video and the choreography as well. It's all connected, it's not a coincidence, Jimin doesn't work like that. It's important to understand that.

Like Crazy is Jimin's acceptance in a way that something has to change and it's at the same time a self-questioning of whether it's worth doing.

Same cliched story, just like on TV/It's getting more familiar/Did I come this far to find the me that you knew? /Yeah I know You know/I know

But despite that I think Jimin still struggles in a way, not to deny his inner self but to keep hiding it until he gets to the end of the song and realises he can't do it anymore.

This will break me/This is gonna break me/No don't you wake me/I wanna stay in this dream, don't save me/Don't you try to save me need a way we/I need a way we can dream on

In the end, all that's left is... understanding and acceptance and all the fears that come with that.

Alone again.../What's the point?

ALONE

The simplest way I could describe this song is catharsis. Alone is a catharsis of feelings. Of doubts. Of questions. Of self-recrimination. It's what comes after accepting the truth. It is the real confrontation with your actions. This song is Jimin saying out loud his fears. It is the acceptance out loud that he was living a lie. That's why I think the word lie was repeated several times because he kept trying to lie to himself, to say that everything was fine but no, it was a lie. He was lying to himself. Alone is a pretty deep song. She does not seek solutions and offers no consolation, on the contrary, she is perhaps the darkest state Jimin reached before finally being free.

SET ME FREE PT.2

Freedom. In Set Me Free Pt.2 Jimin finally gets rid of everything, mainly his fears. Here Jimin finally understood that he has the power and that's why it doesn't matter what anyone says. Jimin finally understood that he can be unstoppably him. As he wants. But Set Me Free Pt.2 is also a juxtaposition of the whole story. In Set Me Free Pt.2 Jimin presents himself as society and the industry thinks he should be, look. Masculine, strong, tough. The music of the song also sells that idea, but the lyrics do not.

I think the lyrics, the choreography and the set design of the MV plus Jimin's outfit are a major fuck you to those standards. It's like Jimin is defying everyone. Challenging everyone's opinions about him. About who he really is.

Set Me Free Pt.2 is Jimin basically saying I can play the game too but in my own way. In this song, Jimin understood that he controls the narrative.

Personally, I think Jimin's real freedom is that he understood that other people's opinions of him don't matter. Jimin's real freedom came when he finally decided to take the power away from his fears and his detractors. I think that's why Jimin demands to be set free because they no longer have anything they can use to keep him locked up.

At the end of the MV we see a Jimin dressed in white. With a soft and determined expression. Soft Jimin we could say. In the end, we saw the other part of Jimin. In the end, he basically said: I can be both.

In the end, Jimin understood that he can be whoever he wants to be and that people can interpret him however they want, he doesn't care anymore.

LETTER (Hidden Track)

This song has the fandom debating. Is it for the fans? For the other members? For Jungkook? What if the song is for all of them?

Letter the sunset after the storm. The lyrics of the song are the reflections you write on paper of everything you experienced after so much darkness. Letter is a warm embrace. A sincere thank you. Letter is literally a promise that now he will take care of you.

But the question that surrounds this song the most is, why Jungkook? And the answer I think is simple. Because it has always been him.

Jimin and Jungkook have a particular relationship. Different. Intimate. I don't know what label it has, but it's special. Jungkook is the person Jimin is always looking for. He's the one he laughs with, the one he has inside jokes with. The one he cries with, the one he gets drunk with, the one he practices with, the one he's happy with. Jimin has always been there for Jungkook and Jungkook has always been there for Jimin so what better person to share that promise with than him? what better person to share his new journey with than Jungkook?

FACE is an amazing album, Jimin not only showed who he is as an artist but also who he is as a person.

Jimin confirmed with this album that he really gets what he wants. That quiet work well done gives great rewards. I will never be able to express how proud and grateful I am to Jimin.

This post ended up being longer than I thought it would be. I don't know if I managed to say everything I wanted to say in it. I don't know if what I said is well said.

If you made it this far, you may have disagreed with me and that's fine, as I said at the beginning, that's the beauty of art. One piece can have multiple interpretations.

[canmom]

Animation Night 169: Sex. 2.

So. Storytime.

Two years ago, we had a joke. "We should totally show some hentai on Animation Night 69." we said. Having said that, we were honour-bound to totally commit to the bit. Teaming up with @mogsk, I wrote a massive post on sexuality in animation and the history of 'hentai', from the hentai seiyoku discussed in 20th-century sexology journals to the modern subcultural kaleidoscope.

It is, genuinely, one of my favourite posts I ever wrote in this project. It's definitely not perfect - the sections on BL and the lolicon boom are especially weak, but still! There's no way I'm beating that.

Mogs, meanwhile assembled a perfectly pitched playlist of animation dealing with the theme of sexuality, from classic oldschool BL like Kaze to Ki no Uta to charming little comedies like Oruchuban Ebichu, and a scattering of actual h-anime like Weather Report Girl. For my part, I led with the genuinely classic film Kanashimi no Belladonna (Belladonna of Sadness).

So somehow - somehow! - we managed to make the idea of getting together with your online friends to watch a bunch of anime about sex just... plain fun and uplifting, to the point that @footsteps-on-the-dance-floor will tell me years later how much she enjoyed it. Not to mention, we got a pretty good cross-section of the different dimensions of sexuality in animation as well!

I didn't even get banned on Twitch.

This week, the counter has drawn the sex number. So can we do it again? Well, my friends, we're gonna try~ Tonight, @mogsk and canmom present: the long-awaited sequel to sex. Sex, 2.

This time we're narrowing our focus a bit. One of the distinctive elements of eromanga, by the analysis of Kimi Rito in The History of Hentai Manga, is how particular images get encoded as signs that can be reused by other mangaka, and these signs can become the seed for particular subgenres. So, our selection tonight is in part designed to give a brief cross-section of some of these visual tropes.

So let me introduce you to our program. CWs: sex, obviously; also a couple of these films (Cleopatra, Parade Parade) cw for rape. Here's the programme, read on for brief descriptions of each item and a lil cultural context~!

Cleopatra (1970) - oldschool Tezuka weirdness

Boku no Sexual Harassment (1994-5) - 90s salaryman BL

Interspecies Reviewers (2020) - monstergirl sex comedy, and an instance of the trend of recent cable TV h-anime

Agent Aika (1997-9) - panty shots to the most ludicrous degree

Comical Psychosomatic Medicine (2015) - ONA comedy framed as fetish education

Parade Parade (1996) - futanari + yuri

Golden Boy (1995-6) - 90s sakuga and a classic comedy

Queen's Blade (2009) - kyonyuu

Colorful (1999) - panty-centric comedy skits

after that: if you still have energy, I might take requests~

[n.b. a lot of these are TV series - we will only really be getting a 1-2 episode sample of each one, for runtime's sake.]

Cleopatra (クレオパトラ), 1970

Last time we led with certified classic, genuinely moving and good as hell film Belladonna of Sadness. This was part of a last gambit by the struggling Mushi Productions, the studio of Osamu Tezuka, credited with inventing TV anime back in the day with Astro Boy. Long before there would be such a thing as an h-anime subculture, Tezuka experimented with creating erotic animated films based on history and mythology.

Belladonna is the best remembered of the three, and with good reason. Tezuka was largely not involved by this point. The others, though... are some plain fucking weird movies, I'll tell you that much. So tonight we'll be watching Cleopatra (1970). I may have shown you the trailer before - this is the Caesar trampoline movie. That is only the beginning.

I recently finished reading Osamu Tezuka's manga Ayako, written in 1972-1973 - not long after this movie, actually, during Tezuka's gekiga phase. I'm sure it's common knowledge by now, but Tezuka was one horny old guy! Ayako has all manner of skulduggery: incest, murder, gangster stuff, more murder, etc., but the core story is about a girl who is imprisoned in an underground cell for 20-some years by the machinations of her family. As she grows up, she ends up in an incestuous relationship with her protective brother - and once she finally escapes, she is highly agoraphobic but also throws herself at nearly every man she meets.

It's very much a story of the sins of the past echoing down into the future, shot though with post-war history and gangster movies, but its central fixation is the figure of Ayako herself: the soft cloistered object of obsession and attraction. Whether they want to protect Ayako, seek absolution from her, fuck her, or exploit her.

But it's also in places a really wacky manga, with a lot of very comical contrivances or hyper-cartoonish panels with extreme squash and stretch. It's a completely different way of displaying action.

I think this gives me a sense of the sort of wavelength Tezuka was on when he draws a scene where Cleopatra is tied down by stakes and a bunch of guys line up to rape her while she shouts at them defiantly. It's all very theatrical, a huge contrast to the much more internally oriented Belladonna. Just a plain strange movie, but it's one I've been fascinated to watch for ages.

Whatever we make of Cleopatra, we'll jump into the program that Mogs drew up! Once again she's come through magnificently.

My Sexual Harassment (僕のセクシャルハラスメント), 1995-6

Our next act is some old school yaoi! One day I'll get to do that big effortpost on the history of BL, but not this day. In any case, Boku no Sexual Harassment is an OVA from the mid 90s about a young man called Junya Mochizuki trying to fuck his way up the company ranks for the sake of himself and his partner Kazunori Honma. In particular, he has an affair with his boss, Mr. Honma, running across the whole OVA.

This is perhaps best known for an infamous scene involving corn. It's here as a window into this period of BL - not quite as high-mindedly aesthetic as its 80s predecessors, and with its erotic focus being on like... 90s salarymen, which is quite a specific thing!

Interspecies Reviewers (異種族レビュアーズ), 2020

Next, a series which has the dubious distinction of proving too steamy for Crunchyroll. Interspecies Reviewers enters the general milieu of modern videogame-inflected fantasy anime, a comedy dancing along the line of whether it's too overtly porn to air on TV. The story tells of a group of fantasy characters who are the clients of monstergirl sex workers, hoping to encounter as many different species as possible. This is a frame device for a series of episodes focused around what it would be like to have sex with various kinds of monstergirl.

This is an example of a recent trend in TV anime, namely very overtly sexual cable TV anime such as High School DxD, which have in a way come to fill the gap left by OVAs. This is a niche that also includes the likes of Goblin Slayer and Redo of Healer. In contrast to those series' "big grimdark plot with a side of rape" approach, Reviewers is light-hearted fantasy sex comedy mixed with (if you live in China) a certain amount of actual porn, which fansubbers have kindly spliced back in to the censored release for us.

Agent Aika (AIKa), 1997-9

The panty shot is one of the more popular visual tropes in eromanga, to the point that Even a Monkey Can Draw Manga dedicates a whole two page spread to the history of the trope. (Surprisingly, I can't find any more substantial account in Kimi Rito's History of Hentai Manga).

You'll see it often enough in anime, overtly or subtly, and certainly in the early works of Katsuhiko Nishijima, who debuted in 1986 with Project A-ko, a classic Kanada-inflected OVA that still bears signs of its hentai roots. But there is nothing that takes the panty shot to the same extreme as Agent Aika (1997). The degree to which the camera in this action anime contrives to show panties at a machinegun rate... it crosses over into a level where it feels less like outright fetish material and more like experimental art.

This is a series that is only coherent through the erotic focus. And yet, it's not generally categorised as porn. Nobody actually fucks. Lines are very arbitrary...

Comical Psychosomatic Medicine (アニメで分かる心療内科), 2015

This ONA adapts a gag manga series themed around the idea of an education series on fetishes, paraphilias, and so on - not so different in concept from Peepoodoo and the Super Fuck Friends, from the sound of it! The ONA is produced by Shin-Ei Animation, a venerable studio known for beloved characters like Doraemon; it's a bunch of five minute bite-sized chunks which I plan to sprinkle in between the other stuff we watch as a palate cleanser.

Parade Parade (パレードパレード), 1996

Having warmed you up sufficiently, this is the point in the evening where we pull out the futa porn.

Parade Parade is an OVA by the studio Pink Pineapple, one of the giants of the 90s erotic OVA scene - I wrote about them a bit last time. It's a relatively "tasteful" example of the futanari (二形) trope, literally 'two forms', referring to basically a character with a mostly cis woman-typical body except for a penis (generally in addition to a vulva), which she will typically use in penetrative sex. This is typically represented as either the result of magic, an intersex condition, or just a fantasy world where it's not unusual.

Depending on your subcultural corner, this might be further distinguished from other niche variants of dickgirl (e.g. a futa must have both sets of genitals).

In anime and manga, the futa trope apparently traces back to the introduction of American trans porn magazines to Japan, inspiring mangaka such as Kitamimaki Kei to start drawing futanari characters. Futanari manga first spread through dōjinshi in the 80s, and became popular in eromanga in the 90s, before circling back to the West. So actually yeah I guess this one is on us trans girls! I always assumed it was like, an independent invention. The more you know...

Here we have succesful idol Kaori, who's secretly intersex - and only her girlfriend Yuko knows. She's very careful to let nobody know, for the sake of her career, but a rival lesbian idol is about to find out...

Golden Boy (1995-6)

Now here is a true classic.

Golden Boy is a comedy series about a wanderer named Kintaro, who dropped out of uni to travel around Japan getting into sexual escapades. Each episode, he runs into someone and hopefully falls for them while coming across as an idiot pervert, but gradually reveals that he's actually a decent and resourceful guy - and yet, having found love, there will always be a reason he must move on. A setup to hang all sorts of plots, carried by some honestly unreasonably impressive animation from the realist school, most notably Mitsuo Iso. It's just... very very well done.

The above clip did the rounds on here a while ago (I think maybe the dubbed version), and we will indeed be watching episode 4 to put that in context.

Queen's Blade (2009)

So this is a studio ARMS OVA - the guys who did stuff like Mezzo Forte with Yasuomi Umetsu - a fantasy story about a warrior tournament. But for our purposes it's standing in for the 巨乳 kyonyuu subgenre - meaning 'huge boobs'. So if you wanna do the meme in Japanese, that's the word you need.

This has a rather specific history in eromanga, recounted by Kimi Rito in The History of Hentai Manga. Per Rito, the popularity of the term dates back specifically to 1989, where it was used to promote porn star Kimiko Matsuzaka, as well as Western gravure porn magazines. Gradually displacing other terms like 'D-cup', the onomatopoeic ボイン boin and portmanteau デカパイdekapai, kyonyuu soon became cemented as the term for a type of character design. It grew in popularity in the space opened up by the bishōjo genre established by the lolicon boom.

So under the pen of mangaka like Kei Keitamimaki (him again!), designs with massively exaggerated boobs became very popular, defining a subgenre of their own. Artists would sometimes express anxiety over whether they would be 'allowed' to draw such extreme designs, but it became widespread in seinen magazines. Gradually, these genre boundaries dissolved and boob size started to become a symbol of characterisation.

Queen's Blade is a fairly longrunning series but as far as I understand, it's broadly a silly ecchi anime about women with very large boobs fighting to become queen. It's not the most comical example of this trope necessarily (nothing can really beat High School of the Dead's supersonic bullet dodging tits) but it's pretty up there.

Colorful, 1999

Colorful is a comedy series of brief (~7 minute) skits about boys trying to see panties and suffering many consequences. As a late 90s anime it's got some interesting stylstic Y2K stuff - look at that rotoscope clip! - as well as strong animation from people like Norio Matsumoto of Naruto fame.

So!

Mogs's encylopedic knowledge of weird obscure horny anime once again coming to the rescue: I'm fascinated to see where this night will take us. And whether I'll still have a Twitch account tomorrow.

I realise this is a much later start than we'd like with such a big programme, but I hope you will come join me for some weirdly educational sexy animation! Dip in and out or stay for the whole programme, the choice is yours - see you at twitch.tv/canmom, going live now, programme starts in about 30 minutes at 22:30 UK time!

Animation Night 169 is gonna be a little postponed - we'll be going at 7pm UK time on Tuesday (29 August) at twitch.tv/canmom! Hope to see you there! I will try to write a little more interesting info as we lead up to that~

[pedritapascal]

A good Agent, or a Good Fucker... to me

Chapter five - Decisions, decisions…

Pedro Pascal's character - Dave York - [DY] The Protector 2 / Equalizer 2

Dave York x Female Reader

Word Count: 5K

WARNINGS: {+18} Sex Language; SA; Fingers; Tongue; Nudity; Explicit Details;

A good Agent, or a Good Fucker... to me

I woke up with the sound of the alarm on my cell phone, looked at the time… 06AM… I was waking up at the time I was used to sleeping, because the time zone in Holland was still messing me up. Even after a week here, I still couldn't get my sleep schedule in order.

The first week was getting to know the team handling the case and my new partner, Matthew Guerrit, who was only 3 years older than me, but had extensive experience in the US police and FBI, in the CIA he already had 5 years, and had been transferred to the Netherlands for 2 years. Always with a smile on his face, kind and not at all paranoid, a huge contrast to my old partner… The agency here was much smaller, with few people, there was Agent Lucas Raymond, Agent Jacob Dirk and Agent Brigitta Simon, who - as she said herself - liked to be called Brigg and thanked the heavens when I arrived at the agency and she was no longer the only woman here.

This was my new team, because unlike in the US, here we didn't only work in pairs, only when there was a need or in smaller cases, big cases like the one I was in, a whole team was responsible, and when I heard that, it was my turn to thank the heavens.

In a week here, I spoke to Dave three times, and on the day I left, he called me while I was at the airport to say goodbye and wish me luck.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there at the airport running and trying to stop you from traveling, I thought it was too cliché and I know how much you hate romantic comedies… and I also understand that you need to go… But I wish you all the best in this new phase of yours, and I hope you solve this case soon, so that maybe you can come back to me… to our case… in the case. Good luck"

And the other two times, he asked about the case, if I knew where any documents were or if I remembered anything relevant.

Apparently, during the week that I was away, the case slowed down, even with the arrest in Ohio, we didn't get any leads to follow up and get to Richard Bayle… but now that was no longer my problem. I had to focus on my new case, with my new partner and a new team.

The case here was about attacks, there was a terrorist and extremist cell that had been causing explosions in specific places all over Europe, and the US's concern about this? Simple, they didn't want these attacks to reach them, and of course, fucking NATO, which was charging the US for its collective defense regime.

I got to the office around 7:30 in the morning, slept badly, slept little, my mood was garbage, my head was exploding…

"Good morning Rookie, what a terrible face, still sleeping badly because of the time difference?" - Matthew asked

I just nodded as I massaged one of my temples…

"Here, see if this helps" - handing me a double espresso - "I also took a while to get used to the time zone, almost three months of bad nights, do you know what helped me?"

"Matthew, if you make any unfunny jokes I swear I'll shoot you…" He laughed

"No Rookie, biritas" - still laughing - "take a day to drink with us, Brigg would love to have you with us so you don't feel so out of place…"

"It's not a bad idea, but when I leave here all I want is my bed, I swear I'm not that boring, I'm just really tired" - yawning…

"Tell you what, we've got a game here, and I think it's about time you joined in, you're already part of the team…"

"Game? Matthew, I want you to know that I always won my fraternity's games in college and I don't accept losing, I'm even a terrible loser."

"Then that's all the more reason for you to take part" - Matthew said, taking a seat on the edge of my desk.

"Good morniiiiiing" - Brigg had just entered the office, always smiling, I never understood why she was in such a good mood, but she made the atmosphere light, and it was a good feeling…

"Hey Brigg, I'm talking here, put the Rookie in our game? What do you think? She says she's very competitive…"

"Good Rookie, you'll love it, and that's our way of saying, WELCOME TO THE TEAM" - Brigg said laughing…

"Ok Ok, I'm already curious" - I put the rest of the coffee on the table - "how does this work?"

"Simple" - said Matthew - "until the end of the week, the agent who manages to gather the most leads on the case gets a night of drinks paid for by the losing agents, plus bragging rights, of course, and" - he tapped the table in suspense - "gets an extra weekend off…" I get up and reach for some case files…

"So get your wallets ready, because on Friday the Rookie here will be drinking on your tab" - laughing

I sat down at my desk to get back to the case, Lucas and Jacob arrived and caught up on the game.

In those hours when I was concentrating on being part of the team, I didn't even remember him, and I didn't question whether I had done the right thing or not, but every time I remembered him, my chest burned.

"Hey Rookie" I heard a finger snap in front of me, and I snapped back to reality…

"Is everything okay?" Matthew asked - "You're more airy than usual…"

"Everything's fine, Agent, I was just thinking about some things in the US…"

"Are you missing it?"

"That's the problem, I don't know if what I'm missing is what I'm missing" - getting up to get other files.

"If you want to talk, Rookie, we'll have a coffee and you can get it off your chest…"

"No no, I don't talk about my personal life at work, Agent" - returning to my desk, I smiled at the irony of my sentence, I don't talk about my personal life at work but a few days ago, my personal life was in Dave's lap… I felt hypocritical for a moment, but new place, new life, right?

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

Friday came and with it the end of the week's competition, and I was disgusted because Jacob had won by one more lane than me, it was unacceptable.

"Jacob stole that I know" - I grumbled

"Take it Rookie, and get ready, because I only drink drinks over 30 euros a shot…"

We left the office laughing and complaining about the amounts Jacob wanted to spend, getting into the elevator, I had forgotten how good it was to laugh and have fun with coworkers, even before Dave, I went out very few times, always very focused on what I wanted, who would have thought that I would only last a few months in the corporation in the USA…

Whenever I thought about it, or thought of Dave, my head flew, Dave hadn't texted me for days, and I didn't know whether to be grateful for that, or to miss him, he still confused me…

"Rookie"

I felt a tap on my shoulder bringing me back, it was Matthew, again…

"Shall we?" He was standing there holding the door of the elevator that I hadn't even seen reach the first floor

It was the first time I'd accompanied my team to this pub, I didn't even know it existed, let alone that it was at the back of the agency, pool tables, dartboards, people smoking, classic 80s rock playing in the background, wooden tables and high chairs, a dance floor with a few lights. I think I've finally found my place in this city…

They went straight to a table at the back, I just followed them, apparently it was their official table, I settled into one of the chairs and the waiter brought us each a shot of rum… it was going to be a fun night and I was really excited.

After 8 shots, Lucas got up to the jukebox and put on a classic from the 90s, one of my favorite songs, Even Flow by PEARL JAM… I felt Brigg taking me by the hand

"Let's dance, Rookie."

"But you can't dance to that song, Brigg" - I laughed a little, but followed her onto the dance floor, still holding my long neck of beer that I was mixing with the shots of rum.

"We just swing Rookie, and feel the music."

I wrapped one of my arms around Briggs' neck and the two of us sang along to my favorite song like two drunks, jumping on the guitar riffs and bobbing our heads like two teenagers, laughing…

"Wow, I don't think I've ever had this much fun, I thought it was a mistake, but it wasn't, I did the right thing…"

"What mistake, Rookie? What are you talking about? You've got me curious."

"Nothing, Brigg, it's just me, you wouldn't understand." She shrugged.

The song ended and I went back to the table, fixing my hair and clothes, I was sweating a bit, even more so because of the warm clothes I was wearing, my cheeks flushed. Matthew came up to me with another beer.

"Enjoying Rookie?"

"Very much Matthew, thank you for letting me in on this" - opening the beer

"I saw you needed a distraction, sometimes you get lost in your thoughts."

"Nothing much, just some unfinished business that I've left behind and I'm worried about whether it's going to be okay."

"Some issues with work, or with someone?"

"Work Matthew, I always work" - drinking beer.

"You didn't leave anyone behind?"

My eyes grew distant for a moment, I took another sip of beer "No" I replied dryly.

"Then that's good because…"

I signaled for him to wait a minute because my phone was ringing, I stood up, moving away from the table and the noise a little, my eyes were blurring because of the alcohol, it couldn't be him, was I already drunk? It's not possible…

"Ready?"

"Rookie?"

"Dave?" - my body shivered at his voice

"What's that noise, where are you?"

"What do you need Dave?"

"Now to know where you are? Isn't it 3 a.m. in Holland?"

"If you don't tell me what you need, I'll hang up and go back to what I was doing…"

"Actually, I need your eidetic memory, but I guess that's impossible now, isn't it?"

"Can it be tomorrow? I'm really busy right now…"

Dave took a deep breath on the other end of the line - I could even imagine him smoothing his forehead…

"Sure, sure…"

"Good evening, Dave…"

"Princess?"

My heart stopped for a few seconds when I heard his voice calling me princess after so long…

"Dave," I said, my voice breaking.

"I miss you…"

"Good night Dave" - and I hung up

I took a deep breath, scratched my head…

I went back to the table and announced that I was leaving…

"No, Rookie, it's early, we'll be here until the morning," said Lucas.

"I'm falling asleep, guys, I want to see you hold out at the office tomorrow."

"Not me" - said Jacob, stretching - "I'm off, I'm going sleep all day."

"I still think you stole it Jacob, I just don't have any way of proving it yet" - laughing as I grabbed my bag and threw my suit on my back.

"I'll drive you Rookie" - Matthew offered

"No need, I've already called an Uber, it's coming, don't bother, just take Briggs" - pointing to the dance floor where she was jumping around to some music - "This soul needs to be guided home…" I went to the dance floor

"Bye Briggs" - waving my hand

"ROOKIE" - she hugged me, I wanted to say it apparently, but she was really drunk - "I'm so, so happy you came to the agency, for more female agents like us…. YAY FOR US WOMEN UHUUL" - Raising her arm

I laughed at the situation and at how drunk she was and got into the mood, raised an arm and shouted YAY.

My Uber beeped and I ran out of there, I wanted my bed. … I got home and just took off my clothes and put on a baggy blouse, threw myself on the bed with my cell phone in my hand, stood there looking at the screen, thinking about his phone call…

"I miss you too Dave"

I sent it as a message… honestly, I think drunks should have their cell phones blocked to avoid this kind of embarrassment, but now it was gone… yes, I regretted it the second I sent it…

Not three minutes later, my cell phone vibrated in response.

"Where are you?"

"You don't care Dave, you're not my fucking owner…"

"I didn't ask, idiot, I wanted to see you, that's all…"

"You're an idiot, you asshole, I'm at home, in my bed… going to sleep"

"Do you really miss me, princess?"

"After that little chat, it's all over… I've just remembered what an asshole you are… good night '

I locked the phone screen and tossed it aside, my head spinning, I didn't need to drink the last two shots…

My phone started ringing.

VIDEO CALL

Maybe it would have been better not to answer it, but I wanted to see him so badly, I sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard, with just the light of the lamp, rubbed my face with both hands to try to make it better and answered it.

"Hi Dave…"

"Wow, what's with the face?" - he laughed

"I'm fucking drunk, nobody looks good like that, asshole"

Dave was shirtless, leaning against his sofa…

"You look beautiful" - he smiled in a corner

"Aff, stop, what do you want? I can't remember anything about the case right now Dave… my brain is soaked with alcohol and…"

"I want you" - Dave interrupted me, and I blushed at his blunt answer, cleared my throat…

"So, what about the case? Did it go ahead? Have you been given a new partner?" - I tried to deflect

"It hasn't, that's why I need your help, but tomorrow, and yes, they've sent me a new partner, it's strange, but you're getting used to it, the only sad thing is that you're much hotter…" - he smiled

I put my hand to my face with my head back and turned around, smiling…

"Dave, I… you… we're over 7,000 km away and…"

Dave threw his body forward, his elbows probably resting on his knees, still sitting on the sofa, his cell phone down, giving me the impression that he was looking up at me…

"FUCK DAVE", I thought and bit my lower lip…

"Are you trying to seduce me Agent York?" - I asked, smiling

"Never, why? Are you feeling seduced agent?"

I ran my hand over my red face, biting my lip… looking at Dave through that screen, that neck, that mouth that he always bit the corner of…

"Maybe…"

"Princess, will you take your shirt off for me?"

I was miles away from him, but I still surrendered just looking at him. I threw my cell phone on the bed and took off my shirt, then returned with the screen while I leaned more heavily on the headboard, but without showing anything, he could only see up my crossed arm in front of my breasts…

"Let me see you princess…"

I shook my head no, biting my lip - " hum hum…"

"You want me to beg, don't you?"

I shook my head yes - "hunrum"

Dave took a deep breath, biting his lips, and moved a little closer to the screen…

"Please" - he whispered

"No…"

"I need to see you…"

"No…"

Dave drew in a deep breath and let it out

"Princess… please, let me see you" - he smiled - "I really need to see you…"

I lowered the cell phone screen a little more, taking my arm away, Dave mumbled something I didn't hear, but it sounded PERFECT…

I moved my hand down to my breasts, squeezed one of them from bottom to top and let out a low moan. Dave snorted on the other end of the line as he watched me. I squeezed and lightly pinched the nipple as I ran my tongue over my lips

"That's it princess, do them like I do" - Dave leaned back on the sofa with his arm outstretched, filming himself sitting up from the bottom, he was wearing those gray shorts from his gym days, I saw his other hand stroking his erection over his clothes and heard him moan low - "You drive me crazy princess" - He gasped

"What do you want Dave, ask me…"

He drew air between his lips

"I want to see you completely, take off your panties"

"This one?" - I had already taken them off and showed them to him

"Good girl, now come down so I can see all of you"

" Hum hum, and I'm not going to see you? That's no good"

"But you're already seeing me" - he smiled dully

"Not the part I want…"

Dave threw his head back and ran his hand over his flushed face

" Fuck, princess, look what you're making me do" - with a red face

"You started it, now you want to stop? No sir Agent York, you can take those shorts off for me"

Dave laughed with his head down, and his image shook as he took off his shorts as I asked…

"Okay Princess" - turning the camera back to the previous angle where I could see him from below, in his black boxer shorts, I thought about telling him to take them off, but the view was so perfect, I pretended I'd forgotten to ask - Can I see you now? - He asked as he adjusted his cock in his underwear

I just stretched my arm up and slid the camera down so that he could see me, arched my legs up a little and positioned the camera in front of me, still holding the phone, but in a way that he could see me. Dave moaned lowly as he squeezed his erection harder over his underwear

I wet the tips of two fingers and ran them down my body " That's it, princess, let me see you touching yourself, will you?"

When I get to my entrance and feel them rubbing against my clit, I let out a louder moan, and automatically close my legs a little, start massaging it, putting pressure on it with my two fingers, go down wetting them on myself and press my clit again, on the other side, I hear Dave moaning, he's pulling his erection down and up over his underwear until he lowers it a little, holding his cock at the base and squeezing it lightly, just looking at him like that made my legs shake. The head of his cock was already wet with pre-cum…

"That's it princess, moan for me"

My moans became louder but still muffled, Dave began to touch himself faster as he moaned, his hand with the phone was shaking a little, but nothing that disturbed my vision. I kept circling my clit while Dave moaned at me

"Dave, I'm so close"

"Come to me, come princess…"

He whispered to me as I touched my right spot, riding my own hand. Hearing Dave York moaning my name from the other side as he jerked off feeling my pleasure for him, my orgasm came like a strong wave and I could only moan louder as I slowed down my fingers trying to remember how to breathe, I opened my eyes in time to see Dave moaning letting his head fall back on the sofa, his hand slowing down, his chest rising and falling with his panting breaths as he came on his cock and growled his pleasure through his teeth, I salivated for him at that moment as I watched his cum drip down his fingers and onto his chest and belly with a few droplets of sweat that had accumulated. Dave looked at me, returning to his breathing, while I looked at him, biting my lips… I admired the sight for a few more seconds.

"Just a minute, princess" - Dave put his cell phone down somewhere, as I could only see the ceiling for a few moments, and came back quickly, just in time for me to see him wipe himself down - "How good can it be with you away?"

"I have no idea, Dave" - I shrugged and turned on my side with the phone closer to my face - "it really was great… but…"

"But it would be better with me there with you, wouldn't it?"

"No Dave, it's BUT I have to sleep, I have to be at the office tomorrow at eight, and it's already five in the morning… but it's always better when you're there… only you understand that…"

"Yes, princess" - Dave looked away - "I'll let you sleep, tomorrow I'll call you to help me with the case, okay?"

"Yes, but a normal call, no video"

Dave laughed

"Good night princess…"

"Good night Agent York…"

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Even though I'd only been asleep for almost two hours, I woke up in a great mood… as I got out of the shower and brushed my teeth with a towel on my body and another in my hair, I rubbed the mirror to remove the fog left by the smoke from the hot shower, looked at myself for a moment remembering last night and laughed, just letting a short laugh escape my chest… I rinsed my mouth and put my hand to my forehead, thinking… wasn't the idea to stay away from him? Okay, technically I am away, but… I needed some time to think… Anyway, I had to get to the office.

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I arrived a little late, but my team had just arrived…

"GOOD DAAAAAAY"

A SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH echoed through the room on everyone's lips.

"No need to scream Rookie" - Brigg, still wearing sunglasses and holding his hand to his head

"I'm late because I've gone to buy coffee for all of us, double espresso" - placing the tray on the center table while they were already reaching for their cups.

In the mess of getting the coffees, Matthew ended up getting mine by mistake, and when he tasted it he grimaced

"Wow, what kind of coffee is that?" I saw that it had my name on it

"Hey my coffee" - picking it up for me

"How do you drink it, actually, what is it Rookie?" - Matthew asked laughing

"Shh, don't talk bad about my coffee, it's unsweetened, with milk and a pinch of cinnamon, a perfect combination"

I went back to my desk sipping my coffee, the day would be long, but in the afternoon, I would talk to him again, and that made me smile.

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As I was leaving the building's garage with the guys, Matthew insisted on taking me to the car, I really wanted to believe that he was just being nice.

"Rookie, I was wondering if you were free today, I don't know, to see a bit more of the country, go for a drive… I don't know" - Matthew asked with his hand on the open door of my car…

"Aaaan, who's going?"

"Me and you, I wanted to show you the city, you've only worked since you got here" - he looked away

"I can't today, I have an appointment"

"Very important?"

"Maybe, maybe not" - I got into the car - "See you on Monday Matthew" - I made a point of pulling the door shut and he got the message

"See you on Monday Rookie" - He stood there with his hands in his pockets while I started the car.

At home, I grabbed a coffee and sat down to read my book, which I hadn't been able to get to for three days, and waited for Dave's call. At around 7pm my phone rang with his call

"Ready"

"Rookie, what's up? I need to make this quick. Do you remember the arrest in Ohio?"

"Sure, what about it?"

"In the evidence we took, there was a list of the possible buyers of the women who were there, do you remember any names?"

"Of course I do, but why don't you just look at the list?"

"What names?" - Dave didn't answer

"Dave, is everything all right?"

"Rookie, I need as many names as you can think of, now."

"Write it down then, Aaron Delaney, Briella Wilson, Amatto Bianchi and Rizzo Zanetti"

" Fuck yeah, you're a genius princess, I need to go"

"Dave, what's going on?"

"I can't talk on the phone, I'll get back to you as soon as I can"

"Dave?"

He had already hung up, my heart squeezed, it wouldn't be a big deal would it? He's an experienced agent and very good in combat, and an impeccable marksman, he's never missed a shot from what they say, he's a tactical expert and always has his Beretta M9A1 - his suppression pistol - at his fingertips. I took a deep breath, he would be fine.

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Three weeks went by, I didn't speak to Dave, just a few messages that made us sure that they were both still alive, but this last week, he didn't give any sign and my mind was racing, I couldn't call US headquarters just to ask about him… I texted Maggs to ask for the news and she told me everything that was going on, except what I wanted to know, if he was okay, but I think that if something had happened, she would have told me, wouldn't she?

I had to be focused on the terrorist cell case, but as well as being worried, I was disgusted because I'd lost the clue competition to Matthew and Jacob, JACOB AGAIN, how he thought he was winning.

It was Friday again and the score was tight between me and Jacob, I didn't even go to lunch because by the time I left I was going to get something, I thought the competition was healthy, we had already managed to arrest some people, but mostly people who weren't relevant to getting to the focus of the cell.

Two more explosions had taken place, one in Holland and one in Germany. The point was that the cell could be worldwide, connected by the internet, so we could never predict where the next attack would be. I had been looking at the photos of the last two crime scenes for hours, my head was throbbing, there was something there, I could feel it.

I picked up the photo of the first attack to compare with the attack now and noticed a drawing near the center of the explosions, I ran to the table in the center of the room where the folders and photos were, and picked up all the crime scenes that had taken place, checking them one by one and Holy SHIT, I found it.

I lined up the photos in chronological order of the attacks, and went through them one by one to confirm that yes, they had a symbol, it was a waning moon cut in half.

"Guys, look what I found" - calling the team to the table, I passed around the photos and pointed.

"How did you spot that, Rookie? It's very imperceptible" - Brigg asked

"Don't ask me how my brain works, I just knew there was something I'd seen before, but I couldn't remember where, and it was in the photos. Now we just have to find out if this symbol is placed before or after, if it's before it's to mark the site of the attack, if it's after it's to assume that that explosion was their doing…"

"I'll give it to Sylas now and ask him to check the street cameras a few days before the explosion dates" - Matthew left with the evidence in hand, heading for Sylas' office.

I got up and headed for the team board, picking up the pilot to write on…

"Hey Jacob, looks like the Rookie here is going to bankrupt you today" - making my point

"Calm down Rookie, there's still half an hour to go, it could still turn…" "That smell" - sniffing the air - "I feel a smell of revolt in the air…"

Jacob just laughed. … We arrived at the pub as usual, I already knew everyone at the bar, the bartenders, and I went in saying

"Bartel, make that double drink for me because today THE ROOKIE HERE IS PARTYING"

"THE Rookie WON ONE LENNON" - Bartel shouted to the bartender at the back.

" Finally, Rookie" - Lennon smiled from the back.

We sat down at the table, Jacob looking terrible, and I made a little kiss to him, rubbing my eyes as if he was going to cry.

Matthew and Briggs laughed, and I had fun, I loved those moments when I could get him out of my head.

The night was great, we drank and danced on the dance floor, even Matthew dared to show off his dance moves, at the table Lucas was consoling his friend Jacob, I might not have known how to lose, but compared to Jacob? No way…

I was already pretty upset, and it was almost two in the morning when Briggs took me to the dance floor again, my feet were already hurting and I was only wearing the white tank top I was wearing under my dress shirt.

Briggs danced just two songs with me and went back to the table, and I stayed there dancing alone until I felt a hand grab me around the waist.

When I opened my eyes, it was Matthew who, seeing me alone on the dance floor, had come to join me. He started dancing with me, taking me by the hand and spinning me around, and I laughed

"This isn't a waltz Matthew"

His hand tightened around my waist and moved to my back, and he pulled me closer.

"Hey what are you doing Matthew?" - I asked a little harshly

"What I've been wanting to do for weeks and you pretend you don't understand" - he moved closer to me, trying to kiss me and I pulled away, he held my face, I put my hands on his chest and pushed him back.

"Matthew, NO"

When I turned to leave the dance floor, I couldn't believe what I saw, I was drunk, but not to the point of hallucinating, it couldn't be, Dave was standing in the middle of the bar, with his black overcoat and his hands on his hips looking at me with his face closed…

"Dave…" - I whispered

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The tag list (always in progress), please let me know if you want to be added or removed in my future fanfic posts.

@hannahkatharine @drewharrisonwriter @morallyinept @simp4nott @star017 @survivingandenduring @popcornforone @perotovar @untamedheart81 @missladym1981 @yorksgirl @welcometodrama @blondebarbiiemiinajlover-blog @labyrinthofheartagrams @perennialdoll247 @jensensational71 @mrspedropascal5683 @none-of-this-makes-any-sense @pedroswife69 @welcometodrama @pedropascalsgermangirl @paanchusblog @stevie75 @leosilke @friendswiththemonster78 @vivian-pascal

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Chapter Six - Connections

[zelianthos-capercaillie]

A sneak peek of my contribution for the HashiMada Week 2024 Day 5 prompts “Memories” and “Love Letters”

It’s set during the pre-Konoha Founders Era, Warring States Period

(Wordcount: Approx. ~800)

@hashimada-week

***

Wordlessly, Tobirama crossed out Mito's name listed at the bottom of the scroll.

Izuna looked over his shoulder with a low whistle. “Nii-san, I think you’re shit out of luck. There are no more marriageable candidates to harass—er, to choose from.”

Madara crossed his arms as he looked away. “Tch. I still think that capturing all the bijū is a lot easier than finding a spouse worthy of me.”

Even Tobirama, being the sole survivor of his clan, who still had to represent the Senju in the Summit, had Izuna with him, who agreed to be his guard and (fake) betrothed.

Am I the only only who has no one to be fake betrothed to?!

Tobirama opened his mouth as if to say something, then seemed to change his mind, biting his lip and looking away instead.

“Out with it, Tobirama,” Madara snapped.

“…I—I have a plan,” Tobirama said haltingly. “But if Tajima-san and Shirabi-san ever find out about this, they might revoke their wardship of me.”

“That bad?” Izuna asked, his expression gleeful.

Madara flicked his brother on the forehead, ignoring the dramatic ow! to level Tobirama with a steady gaze.

“That bad?” he asked, repeating Izuna’s earlier question but this time more serious.

A glum nod.

“Don’t worry Tobi, if that ever happens, Nii-san and I will support you instead,” Izuna reassured, patting him on the back.

Tobirama pulled away with a scowl. “With what money? I have dreams too, you know. Dreams that need financial support.”

“Hey, now—”

“Let’s hear it,” Madara cut in. “Then I’ll decide if it’s as serious as you claim it to be.”

🍃🔥

The plan was simple.

With Hashirama recognized by the Uchiha as Tobirama’s long-lost brother, but in truth was really just his imaginary sibling that he made up to cope with his trauma, all Madara had to do was write several (fake) love letters asking him to come back and honor their supposed childhood vow to marry once they were of age.

The subsequent letters would infer that Hashirama left to make a name for himself in order to be worthy of Madara’s hand.

They would bank on the cryptography team—who would no doubt monitor the comings and goings of correspondences, however clandestine—to relay Madara’s “secret” to Tou-sama and Kaa-sama, as well as good old-fashioned gossip to spread the Uchiha heir’s search for his long-lost betrothed.

All of this, so that when Madara finally confessed to the high council that he had already long affianced himself, the lie would have a foundation to take root in, and hence lend to its credibility.

No more matchmaking.

A seat to the Clan Summit secured.

Problem solved.

🍃🔥

Hashirama,

It’s been a while. You’ll have to forgive me for not writing for so long.

I’ll cut to the chase.

Hashirama, my family wants me to marry before the year is out. I haven’t told them yet of our pledge to wed each other when we’re of age, but it’s only a matter of time. If you don't show up, then I'll be forced to marry another.

Still, I am holding out hope that one day you will return and fulfill your promise.

I know not where you currently reside, so I am trying to send as many letters as I can to several post-stations in hopes of reaching you.

May this letter find you well, and I pray that you haven’t forgotten about me.

Send a sign—a letter, a river pebble, a leaf, anything—if you still remember our oath. Better yet, come back Hashirama. I will be waiting.

Always yours,

Madara

🍃🔥

“Always yours?” Izuna asked in a deadpan voice, cringe seeping in his tone.

“What part of ‘make it believable’ don’t you understand?” Madara shot back, even as heat crept up his ears. He was desperate, damn it! “You got any better ideas?”

His brother shrugged. “Fair.”

With the letter penned, Madara stamped his personal seal on the scroll, and attached a coin as payment.

Reduced to writing to an imaginary fiancé, he thought as his gyrfalcon took the scroll to be handed to the couriers. Shameful.

No matter. The important thing is that I get to attend the Clan Summit.

After that, all of this ridiculousness would end soon enough.

🍃🔥

“Hey,” Izuna piped up as they were clearing away the evidence. “Wouldn't it be funny if there’s someone actually out there whose name is Hashirama?” He grinned. “What if he actually receives this letter, or any of the next ones?”

“Then I’ll tell this funny Hashirama of yours that he doesn’t look like my brother,” Tobirama replied with a straight face. “Problem solved.”

Madara also directed a dismissive snort toward his brother. “Besides, as if that would ever happen.”

Izuna pouted. “Aww. You’re both no fun.”

With the desk cleaned up, the three of them left the room to get ready for dinner.

[deeptrashwitch]

Siblings and questions

(This one is for the Marchant siblings! And it's kinda inspired on the things my cousin and I ask when we're bored xd)

It can be used for any family member/friends who's close to your OC!

Tagging (no pressure): @islandtarochips @alypink @raresvtm @justasmolbard @mctvsh

@imagoddamnonionmason @welldonekhushi @dirtfullofwork @stuffireadandenjoy @snootlestheangel @mutantthedark

1. Who looks the most like dad?

Alicia/Nicolás: *pointing at Camila*

Camila: *points at herself*

2. Who looks the most like mom?

Nicolás: Me *points at himself*

Camila: *points at Nicolás* He is

Alicia: *laughs and points at her brother*

3. Who eats the most?

Alicia: That's me! *points at herself*

Nicolás: *points at Alicia and sighs*

Camila: *points at Alicia*

4. Who has been in the weirdest situations?

Alicia/Camila: *pointing at each other*

Nicolás: Their anecdotes scare me sometimes *pointing at both of them*

5. Who sleeps the most?

Nicolás/Alicia: *pointing at Camila*

Camila: The planes suck to sleep, but still better than their sleep schedule *points at herself*

6. Mom and dad's favorite?

The three of them: *restarting Windows* ...

Nicolás: Maybe Cami because of the looks...but nah, I think none of us *confused*

Alicia: No idea

Camila: My bets are on Nico! He's the only one without a risk of death! *points at Nicolás*

7. Most stable romantic life?

Camila/Nicolás: *pointing at Alicia*

Alicia: Ehh, right now? Yeah, me *pointing at herself*

8. Worst habit of each one?

Nicolás: ...I overwork myself *coughs ashamed* but I'm trying to regulate myself for my son's sake

Alicia: Bottle up emotions and memories *looks tired* therapy is...helping somehow

Camila: I'm reckless! *smiles widely*

Nicolás/Alicia: Don't be so proud of it!

9. Who's the most dramatic?

Nicolás/Camila: *pointing at Alicia*

Alicia: Hey! Not true!

Nicolás: ...First week of high school? You, the skirt and the scissors? *raises an eyebrow* oh, and that time when you were left alone on the lab and you made a drama? OH! YOUR "REBEL" PHASE!

Camila: Should I tell Mr. Charming about it...? *smiling maliciously*

Alicia: DON'T YOU DARE TELL KANOA! *standing up and pointing at Camila*

Camila: *already dialing* ...Too late! *runs away*

Alicia: CAMILA! COME HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT! *runs after her*

Nicolás: Heh

10. Who had a weird phase?

The three of them: *raising a hand*

11. Best cook of the family?

Alicia/Camila: *pointing at Nicolás*

12. Best memory together?

Camila: Oh! That time on granny's house when Licia ended up on a tree! *giggling* and Nico had to climb after her and both ended up stuck up there!

Alicia: Ironic that now I climb that just for fun *sipping coffee*

Nicolás: You left us up there during all lunch time! *pointing at Camila* and uncle Gabriel had to climb and help us!

Camila: Hehehe, and then Elías also ended up on the tree after you

Alicia: Ahhh, good times...except that Elías almost fell down

13. Worst memory together?

The three of them: *share looks and nod* The first week after Firewall

Alicia: I...isolated myself for many reasons and it was probably one of my worst times ever. I didn't talk with anyone, didn't sleep, didn't eat and the few times I went outside of my room...it was dangerous because I was paranoid and hurt *looks away*

Nicolás: Alicia was in a bad shape, she got easily scared and didn't let anyone get near her and she percived everything as a threat *gloomy* it was a complicated time, to say the least

Camila: Also it was hard for us on a different level, mostly because Alicia is the only soldier between us three and we never had to face her panic attacks or nightmares before since she kept them in silence *saddened and frustrated* we felt impotent seeing her like that, it was something I never want to see again

Alicia: *scoffs and ruffles Camila's hair* I'll make sure you never see me that way again

14. Dream trip together

Alicia: Driving together, if Nico ever buys a goddamned car

Camila: Across ALL the panamerican route!

Nicolás: Once the one over here retires *points at Alicia* and yes, you can bring your husband if you want, Licia

Alicia: Alejo isn't my husband...yet

Camila/Nicolás: What? *looking at her*

Alicia: What?

15. Would you rather not being able to shower for a month or have the same clothes for a month?

Nicolás: Do I really have to choose? *making a grimace* ...I guess not being able to shower is the best between them

Camila: Uhhh, m-maybe the clothes? I can wash the clothes as long as I put the same once they are dry, right? *awkward smile*

Alicia: ...Meh *shrugs* I've done both, I don't care

Nicolás/Camila: You did?!

Alicia: Yes? I mean, we didn't have showers or spare clothes on the Lanceros course *raises an eyebrow* and also some missions can go wrong and we need to hide for some time

Nicolás/Camila: Ew

Alicia: *scoffs*

16. Who's the older one?

Camila: Shouldn't this one be the first one?

Nicolás: It doesn't matter *shrugs and raises a hand* I'm the older kid!

Alicia: I'm the middle kid! *raises a hand*

Camila: Welp, I'm the youngest! *raises a hand*

17. Describe each other in three words

Nicolás: *points at Alicia* Clever, tired and talented

Alicia: *points at Camila* Bubbly, reckless and optimistic

Camila: *points at Nicolás* Serious, empathetic and calm

18. Role model?

Alicia: Grandpa and this one *points at Nicolás* ...and maybe uncle Gabriel

Camila: Licia! *points at Alicia*

Nicolás: Dad and mom *shrugs*

19. Who usually has the worst ideas?

Alicia/Nicolás: *pointing at Camila*

Camila: It happened once *pouts but points at herself*

Alicia: Liar

20. A GIANT insect is on the wall, who's taking care of it?

Alicia: *raises her hand*

Nicolás: ...Ugh, that's a maybe unless the thing is over me *shivers*

Camila: Haha. No. *hisses*

Blank questions!

1. Who looks the most like dad?

2. Who looks the most like mom?

3. Who eats the most?

4. Who has been on the weirdest situations?

5. Who sleeps the most?

6. Mom and dad's favorite? (If there's one)

7. Most stable romantic life?

8. Worst habit of each one?

9. Who's the most dramatic?

10. Who had a weird phase?

11. Best cook of the family?

12. Best memory together?

13. Worst memory together?

14. Dream trip together

15. Would you rather not being able to shower for a month or have the same clothes for a month?

16. Who's the older one?

17. Describe each other in three words

18. Role model?

19. Who usually has the worst ideas?

20. A GIANT insect is on the wall, who's taking care of it?

[poognthebrainbois]

Rant/vent about current denial spiral under the cut - some context first: (*extremely brief mention of abuse/SA, medical history mention)

Had a fight with my mom about why I "still think it's DID." There were a lotta layers to that conversation, including:

- My (our) experiences don't line up with all the "research" she's done about DID

- according to her, co-consciousness doesn't exist and "you would have no idea there's another person [controlling your body], you can't be 'standing behind, watching.'"

- she doesn't trust anecdotal/personal experience of actual systems because "that's just people on the internet making up whatever they want"(paraphrase)

- she had also never heard of OSDD before. Even though she claimed she knows all about the DSM-5.

(medical trauma/history mention)

- I was never *physically abused or SA'd, therefore I don't have trauma. (She doesn't believe in emotional/verbal abuse, and all my *medical trauma/history was during/right after my birth (I was born 10 weeks early, had a surgery while in the NICU) so it doesn't count [I can't disagree with that])

(Might make a separate vent post about what we consider possible trauma that she "doesn't count")

- she told me "it sounds like you found something and stuck to it" (paraphrase) (meaning I learned about DID and just decided that was my problem.)

- made the same sweeping generalizations as always about my entire generation "wanting to be different" and "wanting to have something wrong [with us]"

(Again, I could make a separate vent post about what she says during literally every argument)

- told me (us) to "stop saying 'we' for Christ's sake!" (We will not.)

- she decided I (we) need to bring her "actual sources" of why I (we) believe it's DID/OSDD.

Which meant to us that we were gonna stay up all night doing extensive research.

Or that was the plan, before the denial set in.

(Recreation of Denial spiral below, just to throw it out to the void and be able to come back to it later to disprove I guess?? Could be triggering (lots of repetitive phrases, disbelief of trauma, derealization/depersonalization, there's a lot in here.)

What if she's right and I'm not a system? What if it's not DID or OSDD and I'm just desperate to make it into something? What if I actually don't have trauma and I'm secretly an endo??? (Any headmate tries to talk to me) You're not real, shut up. Why did I do this to myself? I ruined my life over something that's not even happening! Why did I let it get this far? Why am I still perpetuating this if it's not true?? It was never a problem until I did weed and "opened doors" that was just weed! I'm making up trauma that's not real! I want so bad to be traumatized so I can feel justified to be mad at my parents when really I'm just an entitled little bitch who's never had anything happen to them and needs to pretend they're worse off than they are! She has real trauma! She's actually been through real abuse and they've never done anything to me other than yell and that doesn't mean anything and I'm just a crybaby for being scared of getting yelled at they never actually threaten me (why do you remember the "I'll give you something to cry about" threat/phrase then???) and I cried over nothing all the time for no reason and I've just always been afraid of nothing. I can't believe I'm actually sitting here thinking about doing all this research just to prove a point?? Just to prove her wrong? That doesn't mean anything! That's not a good reason! I shouldn't even bother. This is a waste of my time. I should just tell her she's right and move on. It's not DID and (Losing my train of thought trying to write this, Jesus) I've just convinced myself it is but it's not. I've made it out to be more than it is so they'll care and that didn't work anyway. I can't believe this is happening right now. There's no way I got this far. That all of this really happened over nothing. They were just characters in my head! Why did I ever start believing more than that when I don't have trauma! Nothing that bad has ever happened to me and all these thoughts that keep coming up are fake and even if some of this stuff was trauma it wasn't in my childhood so it's not relevant. I spend too much time on the internet and I shouldn't just believe all of this stuff. What do I think I'm actually "relating" too? I should've just left it at Maladaptive Daydreaming and been fine. I've made everything worse for myself. There was a reason I stopped doing research on DID years ago! 'Cause I don't have trauma and I can't sit here and pretend I do. Why am I doing this?

(Etc etc etc. Front changed while writing this. I've been in co the whole time but Parker needed to step back for their own comfortability.)

We went back n forth for a while about a bunch of this stuff. Had a number of headmates hop in co-front just to prove a point, only for Parker to continue to tell them they're not real and it's "all me and I'm faking" bro you are at that point proving a point to yourself but okay.

Anyway, eventually Kiara took front and started on research anyway. We were up til 5am. Didn't finish but marked all our tabs so we could go back and finish it up the next day (yesterday). Did not get back to it yesterday 'Cause Parker got anxious.

We now have a deadline to present this shit. We've got a psych appointment tomorrow morning and Mom's leaving on Thursday to visit a friend. So we should get to it today. But they're really not ready for that conversation. Unfortunately we (Lio) told our psychiatrist that we might actually get to that conversation with our parents before our next appointment so now Parker feels like we have to. And if we don't then they'll be anxious about it the entire time Mom's gone which is also not productive.

There's a worry that if any of the rest of us try to explain it then it won't be taken seriously because we're not them. This whole situation is exhausting. We weren't planning on trying to have this conversation yet and now we're so rushed and there's a lot more pressure.

In any case, there's a chance we'll post an update if/when it happens.

If you've read this far, any kind of support would be appreciated. <3

-❤️