#i'll still try to interact with you guys. but i'm just. tired in general?? if that makes sense

[hmerus]

I'm going on hiatus so dw ab me if i just stop randomly responding to you guys

[brickmvster]

please don't go (i'll eat you whole) | L.K.

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!reader

synopsis: you make love to leon before he leaves you.

word count: 1,906

warnings/tags: established relationship, smut with feelings, angst, pre-spain or just pre-mission in general, some light fluff if you squint kinda (i'm sorry), p in v sex/penetrative sex, unprotected sex, aftercare

author's note: i'm gonna be honest. i am a little nervous. more so than usual bc this is my first time writing for leon! i love him so much, he's definitely one of my comfort characters, and i wanted to write something angsty but also kinda bittersweet like this for a loooong time and i finally got around to it. i really hope you guys enjoy, comments are always appreciated <3 this has been proofread more than once, but just in case, any and all mistakes are mine! also, just fyi, i wrote this with re4r leon in mind, but you can imagine whichever leon floats your boat if you really want to lol.

p.s. it's not written in here but pls pee after sex 😭

minors do not interact, please and thank you!

You clung to him for dear life; as if he was going to disappear in front of your very eyes.

You were above him, peering down into his deep eyes. His eyebrows were knitted together in pleasure and his lips, which were currently rosy and swollen after the frequent kisses you had given them, were ever so slightly parted as soft groans emerged from his throat. His large hands never stayed still for longer than a minute – he gripped your waist before sliding them down to your ass, kneading the soft flesh before moving them up toward your breasts, squeezing gently, before bringing them back to your waist, where he helped with guiding your languid movements. You moved your hips like an expert, riding him as if you’d never have the chance to again.

With the rain pattering against the window and a sliver of moonlight filtering through the room, it was almost like a scene from an erotic novel. The room carried the scent of sweat and sex and was filled with the noises that spilled from your lips non-stop. You didn’t even know how much time had passed – but you knew it was late. You knew Leon had to be up in the morning. But you wanted to prolong this moment with him for as long as possible. Leon wanted to as well, as every time he got you close to your peak, he slowed down, dragging out your orgasm in a way that was almost painful, but you enjoyed every second of it.

You were growing tired, your legs beginning to shake as your rhythm became a bit off-kilter.

“Leon…” You moaned, his name coming out so softly it almost wasn’t audible. But Leon, ever so attentive, heard you loud and clear, and he knew what you were trying to tell him.

He flipped you over with ease, while he was still inside of you, spreading your legs further apart and starting up a steady pace. All you could do was grip the bed sheets, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as he drilled into that spot that made you see stars. He wasn’t aggressive or rough, but his thrusts were certainly hard-hitting and relentless, and you knew you only had a few minutes.

At some point, you closed your eyes as you tried to focus on your impending orgasm, feeling as if you were in a complete haze – but Leon’s voice pierced through your foggy mind.

“Please look at me.” He said, his low voice sounding a bit strained and even a little desperate; who were you to deny him of what he wanted?

It took a momentous amount of effort, but eventually you were able to open your eyes and keep them open, looking up at him. Leon lowered himself a little, allowing you to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders. The slightly different position made his thrusts feel even deeper, and you cried out into his neck, your fingers going into his shaggy blonde hair.

“Keep looking at me. Please.” He said softly, and so you did, maintaining eye contact with him the best you could as he continued to piston his hips into you. Suddenly, Leon was becoming blurry; you could feel the wetness on your face as tears began to fall. Leon often made you cry during sex – he was a fucking god in bed after all and usually made you feel so good that he’d leave you sobbing from the intense pleasure after multiple orgasms. And while that was definitely the reason you were crying now, you also knew that there was an underlying reason for your tears. Leon knew the other reason, too.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” He asked you sweetly, still keeping up his quick pace. All you could do was nod fervently, digging your nails into his back. He always loved when you did that.

“Yeah? My sweetheart is gonna cum for me?” He urged, and the pet name that rolled off of his tongue only made matters worse.

“Fuck, Leon–please, give it to me.” You said, your voice trembling. You felt all of the telltale signs. There was a tight coil forming in your lower stomach, ready to pop like a balloon. Leon could sense this, could hear it in your voice and could feel it in the way your pussy was squeezing around his cock. He raised himself just a bit, lowering his hand down between your legs, using his thumb to rub your clit in circular motions while he continued thrusting.

Leon’s name emerged from your throat so loudly that you even drowned out the rain. Your eyes squeezed shut, your back rising off the bed in a beautiful arch, your climax hitting you in waves. You felt like you were in heaven, the tears falling even more freely from your eyes now. Leon just ogled at you like you were a work of art. In his mind, you were.

He was also close, and mere seconds after your orgasm his own came crashing down on him too. With a few more sloppy thrusts he found himself stilling inside of you, his release filling you to the brim. The feeling of being so full of him was one that you would never grow tired of.

Eventually, you came down from your peak, your limbs feeling like heavyweights. All you could do was lay there and cry some more, letting every single emotion overtake you completely, your sobs shaking your entire body. Leon was comforting you in an instant, pulling out gently and lying next to you, allowing you to bury your head into his chest. The two of you laid like that for several minutes, with Leon cradling your head and rubbing your back.

You did calm down after some time passed, and that’s when Leon tried to get up, but you clung to him again.

“Please don’t go.” You said, your voice small and hoarse. “Don’t go, Leon, please.”

“I just wanna clean you up, okay?” Leon replied, wiping away the wetness on your cheeks. You didn’t even care that his cum was leaking out of you and making your thighs a mess – you just wanted him to stay by your side. But you knew he was just trying to take care of you, so you reluctantly released him.

Leon kissed your cheek before getting off the bed and going to the bathroom. While you waited for him, you tried to keep your eyes open. You didn’t want to sleep, because falling asleep meant that morning would come quicker, and truthfully you didn’t want the morning to come at all. You knew it would be coming no matter what, though – but goddamn it, you tried to prolong it the best you could, even when your eyelids were growing heavier by the second.

Leon came back, now clothed in his boxers (that you didn’t even notice he had thrown back on), a small washcloth in hand, and a glass of water that he set on the bedside table. He pushed your legs apart yet again and wiped you clean, touching you so gently as if you were some kind of porcelain doll. It only made your heart grow fonder. You were going to miss these moments of tenderness.

He made you sit up, just enough so you could drink the water that he had prepared for you. You took a small sip, to which Leon encouraged you to “drink a bit more, sweetheart,” so you did, and when he was pleased, the glass returned to its spot on the bedside table, and shortly after he was crawling underneath the comforter with you.

The warmth of the comforter and Leon’s body next to yours made it even more difficult for you to stay awake. Leon saw you struggling, catching the way you would doze off and then immediately wake yourself back up.

“Please, rest.” He muttered into your hair. You hugged him tighter.

“Do you have to go?” You asked him, even though you knew the answer.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Was all Leon could say in response.

You felt a lonely tear roll down your cheek yet again. But you were far too exhausted to cry some more. Instead, you sat up, looking at Leon intently. He returned your direct eye contact, sitting up himself to lean against the headboard and match your height.

“Promise me,” You started, holding out your hand. Without hesitation, Leon held it, locking your fingers together and giving your hand a slight squeeze.

“Promise me you’ll come back home.” You asked him, like you always did before he left for a mission. Every single time, he would give you the same answer.

“I promise.” He replied firmly. You knew deep down that asking Leon to make promises like this was unrealistic. He never fully understood what he was getting himself into until he arrived at the mission location – and you knew that despite his skills as a trained government agent, accidents always happened, and there was no way to know when things would go awry when he’s out in the middle of nowhere. But hearing him utter those two words before he left eased your worries just enough.

Trusting Leon was always easy.

“I love you.” You said softly, fitting back into Leon’s side perfectly, like you belonged there.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” Leon replied, before tilting your chin up with two gentle fingers and kissing you with a fiery passion. You two lazily kissed each other until sleep started pulling you into its dark embrace. You didn’t fight it this time, resting your head on Leon’s chest and drifting away to the sound of his steady heartbeat.

The next morning, the two of you shared one last breakfast. You mostly sat in comfortable silence. You asked a couple questions about the mission, but didn’t get straight answers – it was confidential. You knew that already but always liked to ask questions anyway.

Right as Leon was about to walk out of your door, you stopped him. You took a few moments just to stare at him – he was as handsome as the day you fell in love with him.

You brushed some hair out of his face, kissing him slowly, savoring the feeling of his lips on yours for these last few minutes. When you pulled away, you were sporting a warm smile, feeling your eyes sting as tears threatened to spill. You kept them at bay.

“Don’t you dare–” You paused, your trembling lips making it difficult to speak. When you collected yourself, breathing in and out, you continued.

“Don’t you dare ruin this jacket. I love it on you.” You said, referring to the brown leather jacket that Leon had bought himself recently and was currently wearing. He had a tendency to ruin clothing items on his missions, and you hoped this one would survive.

Leon chuckled. The sound immediately filled you with warmth. You were going to miss that sound; God knows how long you’d have to go without hearing it everyday.

“Copy that.” Leon replied, a laugh bubbling out of your throat.

You shared one more embrace. The final hug was one the both of had trouble ending. But it had to come to an end eventually.

And then, Leon was gone. All that was left was a memory.

[theitgirlnetwork]

Earn It

Ch. 9: Pretty Tired of Talking About Tennis

Note: Well...I'm back. And I have several things to say in this author's note. A.) sorry, it should've been sooner. B.) I can't wait to get back into the swing of this story. Most importantly, C.) thank you so much for the continued love you've shown it. As those who have seen the movie know, we're quite literally still in the beginning. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and the ones to come. Please remember these characters are all meant to be flawed but none completely evil as you read. They will be toxic and make mistakes. Our good friend Patrick is distinctly missing in this one, but don't worry, his absence is not permanent. Anyways, I love interacting with you all so feel free to send me messages, things in my inbox, and comment. And to those who would like to know who's children those are...well...what do you guys think? I'd love to hear thoughts and guesses. If this sucks let's chalk it up to me being rusty and I'll try to do better next time lol. Love y'all <3

Warnings: Mention of sexual content, strong language, themes of cheating (MDNI)

Taglist (This shit normally doesn't work for me): @spookystitchery@anehkael@fkaams@butterflyybabe@sun2flower @holierthancunt @silkenthusiasts @wolflover384 @liziihorta @summerssover @jackierose902109

“This is some bullshit. Now, they don’t wanna sing.” Heaven shakes her head, flexing her toes against Tashi’s leg on the other side of the couch. “That’s so stupid.”

“They need to get rid of those other two girls, clearly, Chanel and Galleria want it more.” Tashi shrugs, swatting Heaven’s foot away, rolling her eyes when she feels the girl drop them right back into her lap. “I’m Galleria, you’re Chanel.”

“Um, I’m definitely Galleria, what the fuck are you even saying?” 

“Nope,” Tashi says, popping the ‘p’ and reaching across the coffee table to take a sip of her drink, cringing at the bitter taste of alcohol on her tongue. “Okay, this is fucking nasty, we probably should’ve looked up what the fuck we were making.”

“Mm. And have my mom find out we drank when she goes through my computer? Girl.” Heaven shifts in her seat, moving to sit criss-crossed and face Tashi on the couch. “Cheers.” She grins, pushing her mug against Tashi’s, smiling even harder when the taller girl mirrors her position and makes a little ‘tink’ sound as the glasses collide. “You wouldn’t even like having two other girls that hang out with us all the time.”

Tashi’s brows furrow disbelief clear on her face at the accusation. “Me? Why?”

“You’re possessive.”

“I’m not possessive, you just pick dickheads to fuck with.” 

“Oh yeah? And your type is better?” Heaven snorts, leaning to the side, reaching over to the coffee table digging through the makeup bag of nail polishes Tashi had presented her with when they’d started setting up for their little movie night. Heaven produces a sage green polish from the bag, waving the bottle for Tashi’s approval. “Caleb was the cream of the crop then?”

Tashi shrugs, reaching into Heaven’s lap and selecting the baby blue the dancer had selected for herself. “Better than Chance. Try to stay in the lines this time?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Heaven mumbles, a smile on her face as she takes Tashi’s hand, hunching over, breaking her generally perfect posture to focus in on her friend’s delicate nails. Tashi sits back and watches as Heaven tilts her head in concentration, biting down lightly on her bottom lip as she glides the brush across her fingernails, the cool polish setting in as Heaven lightly blows on each nail as she goes. “Chance was the fucking worst.”

“Yeah and he hated me.”

“All of your boyfriends always hate me.” Heaven hums. “Wonder why that is.”

Tashi smiles, turning her face away for a second, giving herself a break from the thrumming feeling looking at Heaven gives her and watching the scene playing out on tv. It was something of a mutiny. Dorinda and Aqua, talking shit about Galleria to Chanel. Calling her a diva and demanding that her best friend do something. Chanel knowing her friend had gone too far, done too much and loving her anyway. Because their dreams were too important. Their friendship took precedent. “Probably because they know you’re obsessed with me. Look at you, working so hard to paint my nails and make me all pretty.”

“You’re the one who picked out my favorite color.” Heaven purses her lips, closing the polish and placing it back into the bag, holding out Tashi’s hand to admire her own work. “They’re just jealous because I;m a better boyfriend to you than they are. No one meets your expectations like I do.”

“Yeah?” Tashi challenges, quirking an eyebrow, her own twin grin matching Heaven’s. “You think you impress me?” Locked in a stalemate, both girls are unflinching, both daring the other to look away, to fold first. That’s how it starts. Their staring contest had begun as a battle of wills. The smell of popcorn and nail polish in the air. The distant noise of the ‘All Around the World’ song from Cheetah Girls playing on the television. The dark hallways leading to the living room threaten to suddenly reveal Heaven’s stepfather or worse mother to discover them and burst their bubble. But what was more pressing was the energy between the two girls. It was nothing they hadn’t felt before. After a heated match, as they rush together to celebrate another victory for Tashi, Heaven’s voice hoarse from how loudly she’d screamed from her. After each show, or recital, when Heaven is still doused in show makeup and glitter, and Tashi can’t help but see a shining star when she’s looking her in the face. But this time, Tashi did something different. Something only Heaven has ever been able to draw out of her in her 16 years of living. 

She concedes.

“Hev, you’re really pretty. Obviously,” she pulls Heaven’s hand into her own lap, toying with her fingers, without breaking eye contact. Her voice dropping to a whisper. “You know that.”

Heaven can appreciate it. Tashi putting herself out there like this, no matter how small the gesture. She got the point. And it was hard for Tashi, for both of them, to be vulnerable. Heaven had spent the past year wrestling with the feelings she’d developed for her friend. She’d just convinced herself she was satisfied just being her favorite person, even if they weren’t romantic a few months ago. Sure she flirted and joked, but she never thought Tashi would initiate something. There wasn’t anything in the world at that moment that could make her leave her hanging. 

“Yeah, but, you’re the only person it really matters to hear it from.” Heaven’s cheeks dimple as she scoots closer, intertwining her fingers with Tashi’s. 

Tashi’s brows furrow as she cocks her head back, creating a little more space as Heaven leans in, causing the other girl to roll her eyes. “And?”

“And,” Heaven’s nose wrinkles playfully as she sits up on her knees, breathing softly against Tashi’s lips before connecting them with hers. “You’re really pretty too.”

2019 (California)

Heaven speed walks down the walkway to the larger waiting room she knew Art would be placed in. A splitting stress headache is already forming in the front of her brain as she makes her way past the busy employees running the event, hiding her face from the flashing lights of fans and photographers. 

As she rounds the corner she sees Tashi pacing back and forth, running her fingers through her bob and biting her lower lip. She pauses in her steps as she sees Heaven making her way toward her. Clapping her hands together and shrugging she fixes Heaven with a disapproving look. “This should be easy. What the fuck is wrong with him?”

“Why? What happened?”

“He’s just,” Tashi huffs out a breath, shaking her head. “He doesn’t give a fuck. I can’t give a fuck for him, Heaven.”

“M’not asking you to. Stop talking to me like that, you’re not my coach, you’re Art’s.” Heaven snaps the gum in her mouth irritably.

“I am his coach.”

“Then coach him.”

“Arthur is a grown man-” Tashi scoffs, laughing humorously.

“I know.” 

“I can’t get him to do anything that he doesn’t want to do.” 

“Be patient with him.”

“Interestingly enough, that’s your job, not mine.” Tashi grimaces, leaning down to mumble as a pair of fans walk by waving at them. Heaven offers them her own smile and nod as they pass.  Team Donaldson is a unit after all. “Look, I’m doing my part. He needs to do his, or this doesn’t work. Then none of us are happy.” Tashi tilts her head in the direction of the door. “Look, he’s asking for you. If you can get him together, that’s great, if not…”

“He’s fine, Tashi. I’m gonna talk to him. Let me talk to him.” Heaven’s tired. She knows Tashi’s tired and it’s obvious Art is. But this has to work. They’ve worked too hard. All of them have worked too hard to not make it to the finish. Heaven reaches out, grabbing Tashi’s hand and squeezing, her own face softening at the exhausted look on Tashi’s pretty face. “Let me fix it.”

Tashi takes another deep breath, eyes slipping closed briefly before flexing her fingers around Heaven’s, twisting the gold band underneath the accent ring on her finger. “He needs to be ready in 7 minutes. I’m giving you 5.”

“That’s all I need.”

The door clicks open and Art’s eyes trail over from the wall to the doorway. 

“Arthur.”

Heaven stands in front of him with her hand on her hip, the other hand wrapped around the knob as the view of a sour Tashi fades from his view as the door closes again, head tilted as if she’s observing him. He shifts under the weight of her gaze, sitting back in the fold out chair, opening his legs and holding out one of his calloused hands he’d just been inspecting. Art holds his breath as she purses her lips, raising a single brow at him as she decides if she feels like bothering with him, if she is mad at him too. 

He releases that breath when she rolls her eyes, taking two large steps before standing between his legs, resting her own soft, unbroken hands on his face, soothing the frown on his lips away with each brush of her thumb. She allows him to explore with his own hands the body he’d wished he’d woken up to that morning. Every morning. He runs his palms up and down her strong, dancer’s legs, taking in her sweet scent as he pushes his face against her stomach and his palms squeeze her ass, pulling her closer. A familiar wave of pride washes over him as he feels the difference in fabric between the rest of her tracksuit and the letters painted across the backside that were similarly spelled out across her chest.

DONALDSON

“What the fuck?” She all but whispers, her rose petal lips set into a confused grimace. “You don’t wanna play today?”

“I never said that.” he mumbles against the fabric. Heaven pushes him by his shoulders so that he settles against the back of the chair and leans down so they’re face to face, sighing as Art pushes their foreheads together. 

“So, why are you sitting here like someone who doesn’t wanna go play some fucking tennis?” She asks. Big brown eyes scan his somber face, her manicured thumb sweeps across the skin of his cheek. “He’s a fucking nobody, Art.”

“I know that.” 

“So what’s the problem?” Heaven squints, brows furrowing, pushing him away again as he rubs his face against hers. She guides him by his chin, forcing him back enough so that can look him in his eyes. “Are you done?”

“Baby-” He starts, only for her to pull him even closer.

“No, seriously. Are you done? Is this all? Let me know now.” 

“I never…I never said that, it’s just-” Art stares up into concerned brown eyes and sees his reflection in them. He can't take it. The look. It’s not the stern look of disapproval or disdain. It’s not even annoyance or agitation. It's disappointment. It’s fear. Fear that he’s tapped out. Fear that he is done. He can see that Heaven is petrified of what that would mean. And Art is too. “I dunno, Hev.” 

She cups his face then, her warm hands contrasted by the cold ring on her finger, her proximity clouding his judgment and overpowering thoughts of exhaustion and disinterest. Heaven seduces him with the love in her eyes. She climbs fully into his lap then, resting her weight on him as they melt together, tension in his body dissipating with each new place their bodies meet. “I want to help you. Tell me how. Tell me what you need. Tell me what you need me to do, Art, and I’ll do it. What do you want, baby?” 

“I want,” He sighs deeply, eyes fluttering shut as he brushes his lips against hers, gripping her waist tighter as they share their air. “I want you to look at me.” His lips capture hers in a heated kiss. Heaven opens her mouth to him, releasing her own sigh as their tongues brush before she tugs his bottom lip into her mouth. A small sound of surprise escapes her as Art steals the gum from her mouth, holding it out of the way in his cheek as he explores her mouth. “Just me.” He murmurs against her lips. 

Heaven pulls back at that, pressing one more kiss on his nose, face softening when he leans into the last little piece of affection desperately, before dropping his own kisses on her nose, forehead and jaw, ending with her palm. “I’m always looking at you, superstar.”

It’s almost like fate wanted to remind him that’s not true. That these little moments in time are just a fantasy. Because just like that the room doors were opening and Tashi was power walking her way in. Suddenly, those brown eyes didn’t belong to him anymore. Neither set of them. Instead, there’s a silent conversation happening over his head. A language he couldn’t understand even if it were spoken out loud. He’s cold under the shadows they cast as they discuss him without him. His mind wanders as his eyes trail back over to the picture of a younger, more enthusiastic him that hangs on the waiting room wall. 

There’s another knock at the door that catches the trio’s attention, a woman with a headset pokes her head in and offers the blond a wide smile, a fan working the event no doubt, damn near gushing as she holds her clipboard to her chest. “Mr. Donaldson, it’s time.”

“Okay.” Tashi answers for him. The woman is shaken then, acknowledging there are two other people in the room. Two other athletes. There always are, with Art. But he’s the star. In everyone else’s eyes. He’s the one that matters. She nods and leaves the room, scurrying away to her hurry and fulfill whatever other responsibilities, no doubt in interest of finishing in time to see the Art Donaldson play.  Heaven doesn’t even wait for them, following the employee out as both Tashi and Art watch her slip from the room to meet them outside. Tashi moves in front of Art, smoothing her hand over his hair as she studies his face. She cups her hand under his mouth glancing down at it expectantly. Breathing out a heavy sigh, Art spits his gum into her open palm, before feeling the other hand hold his other cheek. “Decimate that little bitch.”

Leo Du Marier was a new player. He was the best in his school and eventually made it into the big leagues. Big enough that today, he’d be playing against Art Donaldson today. The kid was fucking shitting his pants. Art Donaldson has basically won, every fucking award a tennis player could win, and was the youngest to do so. All he was missing was the U.S. Open. Du Marier himself had waited in line for an embarrassing amount of time to try and score a pair of Nike x Donaldson sneakers when they’d dropped. The younger player couldn’t decide if he was excited to meet the man he wishes to model his career after or petrified. The man was going to destroy him. Humiliate him. He knows it. 

The only thing that gave him some kind of relief was that Art was known to be kind. While the man was admittedly smug, past opponents do speak of the crooked smile and strong handshake that he offers after he drags them through the fucking mud. He’s seen many pictures that the blond man has taken with people just like Du Marier, wrapping his arm around them on one side, but refusing to let go of whatever trophy he’d wrenched out of their hands with the other. 

At least he’d kick his ass with a kind smile. 

So, when Du Marier’s coach nudges him as they make their way through the player’s tunnel leading to the courts and he sees Art, he stops. He feels larger than life. Not in height, because though he’s pretty tall, it’s not the length of him. It’s the stride. It’s the walk. His gear. It’s pristine, with his name printed on it. His demeanor. It’s not at all what the younger player had expected. It’s cold and unmoving. Nothing like the player he’d seen from the bleachers years ago when he was too young to even enter. Flanking his sides are two beautiful women, walking in unison with him, all of their steps coming off perfectly executed and calculated. Each of them seemingly the exact same distance apart from each other. Du Marier couldn’t help but stare. 

And Art felt it. He turns his head, looking at him. Staring. Almost…glaring. It felt like ice in his veins as he watched the celebrity frown at him, not so much as offering a wave as he made his way past. Du Marier unconsciously holds his breath, waiting, pleading for the moment to pass. He thanks his fucking lucky stars as one of the woman’s hand makes its way to Art’s face, diamond ring glittering against her skin as she guides his face forward before they exit the tunnel, waving to the paparazzi. 

“Did you see that look? He’s going to destroy me, no?”

“Worry about it later, Leo.”

As Du Marier watches the Art Donaldson, send yet another tennis racket sailing against the wall, sweat dripping down his brow he releases his breath. A smile spreads across his face as some of the crowd cheers for him and even more of them boo him for his win. He was cool with being an underdog success story. Especially against that asshole. He could feel the people in the crowd nearly vibrating with disappointment, as the fan favorite lost another match. He used to be one of them. Rooting for the blond asshole across the net. But now? Well, maybe this is why they say don’t meet your fuckin’ heroes. 

He could at least say, to Art’s credit, he didn’t seem to give a fuck about the crowd. As he paced along the court, kicking his chair and swearing under his breath, he only seemed to be looking in one section. To be honest, it’d been the only section he’d bothered looking at the entire match. One might say he’d looked so much that it was what threw him off. Du Marier takes a second to follow Art’s gaze, eyes flicking between the angry tennis player and two empty seats. He couldn’t help but understand why Art was so upset. Leo would be hurt too if his wife and coach left before they even got to matchpoint. 

.

2007 (California: Stanford Campus) 

Heaven’s leg jumps as she sits in the spectator seat, watching the ball go back and forth between Tashi and Art twice before it rolls to a stop on Art’s side. She drops her head back in the chair in annoyance as she hears Tashi huff. 

“Hit the ball.”

She doesn’t even bother opening her eyes as she hears Tashi serve, a severe lack in the sound of footsteps coming from Art’s side. He’s not even trying. It’s just gonna piss her off. It’s not helping us see what she can do. Heaven groans when she hears the ball hit the fence behind him and sits up with a frown on her face.

“What’re you, scared you’re gonna hurt me?” Tashi growls, gripping her racket. Her brows are furrowed as she glares at the blond man who simply opens his mouth and then closes it, glancing at Heaven as if she was supposed to save him from Tashi’s scrutiny. “Pussy.” 

With that, Heaven climbs down from the spectator’s seat, walking irritably over to Art’s side, tugging up her gym shorts and hopping a little from one foot to the other. “Tashi, come on.” She holds her hand out for Art’s racket without sparing him a glance, “move.” she mumbles nudging him out of the way.

Heaven is by no means a tennis player. Recreationally, she could hold her own very well, and she was quick on her feet due to dance, but the real reason she could play decently was because Tashi demanded it. It was for when Tashi was antsy and no one else was unavailable. Or when she was upset and needed to blow off some steam the only way she knew how. 

“Actually try to hit the ball.” The taller girl says grumpily, rounding back into position, sitting into a squat.

And she does. 

Heaven tries very hard. She respects Tashi, and she knows she’s the better player, so she does her best. And it’s good for a few moments. Until she tries to send her down the line, and her knee gives out, sending her down onto the court. 

Art is jumping over the net in a flash trying to get to the girl and help her up. But Heaven just stands behind, twirling the racket in her hand.

“Tashi, get up.” 

“I am. I’m good-” she lightly pushes Art’s helping hands away, leg wobbling as she attempts to stand, pushing off of the rough gravel of the court. “I’m good, I’m fine-”

���Hold on.” Art says softly, holding the girl’s arms, sighing as her knee buckles slightly, causing her to stumble. “Maybe we should take a break for today.”

“She’s fine. We need to keep going.” Heaven walks over to the net, taking Art’s outstretched hand as she swings her legs over, oblivious to Tashi's eyes dropping to their hands. “T, you’re good, right?”

“I’m fine.” the taller girl grits her teeth, trying to regain her balance.

“See?”

Art sucks some air between his teeth, running his hand along Heaven’s arm, pulling her a little closer, speaking softly. “Hev, her knee, c’mon.” 

Tashi feels her skin crawl as Art and Heaven’s eyes drop to her leg. The fucking pity in Art’s voice. The frustration on Heaven’s face. She was so fucking sick of being injured. Her teammates were bad enough, but Art the fucking tennis player who is hellbent on stealing her girlfriend, and said success junkie girlfriend looking at her the way they were was literally too much to fucking bear. She couldn’t handle him feeling bad for her and Heaven looking at her like she was damaged good. She was already irritable because that loser Patrick had been blowing up her goddamn phone with nothing but excuses. Even after she’d made it clear she never wanted to see him again. Then she misses one recital. One goddamn opener and all of a sudden Heaven was ‘navigating’ a new relationship with Art. They weren’t breaking up, but now there are feelings between the two of them. She can understand the appeal of Art. He’s hot, a good player, successful in his own right. And desperate. A lovesick puppy, hearts damn near appearing in his eyes when the object of his affection is in the room. But he’s here and he’s a constant reminder of what her body is screaming it can’t do anymore. They both are. And her choosing him in Tashi’s face only made the pain worse. “Ignore him. Let’s keep going.”

Her voice sounds stronger in her head than it does out loud, leading her girlfriend to pause. “T, maybe Art’s right and you need a break?”

“Jesus fucking christ, fucking forget it.” she hisses, tossing her head back. “If you don’t want to help me you seriously just go.”

“I’m here to fucking help you!”

“You’re here to fuck Art, which is fine, trust me, I don’t fucking care.” Tashi shrugs, laughing humorlessly. 

“Hey, Tashi-” Art starts, standing between them.

“I’m here to help you, Tashi. That’s what I always do, that’s why I’m always here.” 

“Well, I don’t need your help right now. I really don’t need to fuck up my other leg.” Tashi finishes, crossing her arms. Heaven’s mouth drops open, eyes watering as she stares at her girlfriend in shock.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean was it supposed to be helpful finding out you’re cheating on me with our friend and then watching you fight with our boyfriend right before my match?” Tashi smoothes a hand over her messy ponytail, wetting her lips. “It’s fine, I forgive you. You too, thank you, for rubbing that in my face by the way, friend. I forgive you, for white knighting your way into my girlfriend’s pants and taking the time to let me know right before one of the biggest matches of my college career.”

Heaven’s eyes widen, turning to look between Art and Tashi, bottom lip wobbling as she holds back the tears that threaten to flood her eyes. Tashi rolls her own eyes to the sky, looking away as Art wraps his arm around Heaven, tugging her into a hug, murmuring an apology and stammering explanations into her hair. “Tashi, that’s not how it went, alright? All she ever does is try to think of you, and care about you.”

“Fucking kidding me.” the girl murmurs, limping to the other side of the court. Heaven watches as Tashi picks up a stray ball, bouncing it off of the fence and beginning to practice by herself. She shifts in Art’s arms, looking up at him. 

“I’m um, gonna stay with her for a while. Practice with her a bit. Can we…can I talk to you later?”

Blue and brown puppy dog eyes stare into her soul, and involuntary pout forming as Art lets Heaven send him off, chest tight as he feels his own wave of guilt overtake him. 

Art is anxious for the next few hours as he waits to hear from Heaven or Tashi. He’d hope they’d talk and call him back. But as day turned to night, he realized that the girls may have genuinely just needed him out of the way to continue peacefully practicing. 

He wishes he’d said more. Done more. Heaven and Tashi’s relationship is so complex, it feels like a minefield to navigate. Sometimes they’re friends, sometimes they’re girlfriends, sometimes it’s like they believe they’re the only two people in the world. He couldn’t step in and yell at Tashi, he wouldn’t want to, and even if he did, Heaven wouldn’t tolerate it for a second. He couldn’t bring himself to ask Heaven to leave with him. Partially because part of him wonders if what Tashi was starting to say was right. Did he ruin her life? He, Patrick, and Heaven, were walking out of this mess they made relatively unscathed and Tashi’s dreams were likely ruined. Anyone could look at the proud girl and know she’s devastated. Had her life been better without them in it? Had Heaven’s? 

The other reason being he’d feared what he would find out. It was one thing, to gain some confidence and beat Patrick out for something they both wanted. Someone. But his friend was liable to fuck up in some way, to lose the girls and leave room for Art to take his place. But Tashi was nearly flawless. She was so similar and different from Heaven, anyone could see they compliment each other. And Heaven loves her so much. Tashi has years worth of ‘I love you’ from Heaven under her belt. Art had just managed to get two to match his fifty. He didn’t want to know what would happen if he drew a line in the sand, held out his hand for Heaven when Tashi was going in the opposite direction. And so he’s careful. And he waits. He was choosing not to play a game he’s almost certain he would lose. 

It’s no shock to him when Heaven texts him at 1:25 in the morning to let him know she’d gone back to UCLA. He’d already packed a bag to take with him and had begun shoving one shoe on his foot, stumbling around the room as his phone vibrated with her message. He would chase her. Art would always chase her if he had to. Even if someone was pulling her away. 

But not if she didn’t want it. 

No. If Heaven decided she needed space, she didn’t…want him, he’d do what she wanted. Even if it hurts him. She’s worth it.

That’s exactly what he tells himself as he climbs into his twin sized bed, biting down on his own fist, willing himself not to cry when the phone brings him the message he was dreading.

I’ve got to think through some things. I think we need space…we did a bad thing Art.

Well, Tashi did warn him. When it came to Heaven, she’d never really lose.

2019 (California)

“Ouch this is getting to be brutal, you just can’t be missing shots like that.”

Tashi cuts her eyes toward Art, sipping her coffee silently as he meets her eyes, offering her a borderline sarcastic smile. 

“And there goes the racket.”

“He was playing really well.”

Tashi leans forward, placing her drink on the table before crossing her arms. “I’m pulling you out of Cincinnati.” 

“T-”

“Might as well pull you out of the Open too, if this isn’t gonna be your year then why bother?” she shrugs, kicking her feet back up onto the hotel couch. 

“I’m just rusty, it’s a confidence thing.”

“Get your fucking confidence back, I can’t do it for you. Heaven can’t do it for you.”

“No one is asking you to.” He sighs, grabbing his protein shake from the table. 

“When you play like that you are.” The door to the suite clicks open and Heaven comes in wearing a gym set, one headphone covering her ear, the other pushed back on her head. Art’s eyes follow her as she pauses, briefly making eye contact with him before leaning over the counter and typing on her phone. “I would fucking kill for a recovery like yours, a child, an old lady, fucking anybody.” 

“Okay, jesus.” Heaven calls from behind the couch, making her way over. She leans over the back of the couch, resting her forearms and curling her lip. 

Tashi shrugs again, adjusting herself to look at Heaven. “I mean we’re all adults here. Everyone has made decisions, if this is it, if this is all you guys want as your legacy that’s fine. We’ve all made enough money. We can retire, and be rich people, run the foundations.”

“Where are they?”

“In the living room.”

The three adults pause their conversation, all plastering easy looks onto their faces as Aurora comes bounding in, curls still dripping wet from the tub, plopping herself onto the couch between Tashi and Art. Tashi’s mom hovering in the doorway. 

“Hi, baby.” Tashi chirps, adjusting the girl’s Doc McStuffins nightgown. 

“Can we watch Spiderverse?” 

“Of course we can. Course we can, it’s just, we gotta talk about tennis right now.” Tashi pouts, running her hands along the little girl’s hair.

“But you’re always talking about tennis.”

“I know baby,” Tashi sends Art a pointed look, causing him to drag  his own eyes over to Heaven. The shorter woman stands behind the couch, rubbing her temples, eyes closed, refusing to look at either of them. “I know.” 

“Aurora, baby, I’ll watch with you. That’s like, my favorite movie.” Heaven smiles brightly, the grin not meeting her eyes as she walks around the front of the couch, taking Aurora’s hand in hers. “Besides, I’m getting pretty tired of talking about tennis too.”

Tashi picks up her phone, shaking her head as Art watches Heaven leave with Aurora, the separator for the bedroom closing shut behind them. “She likes it here. Aurora.” She snaps her phone shut. “Heaven doesn’t.”

“We could figure something out. Something more permanent. Or, closer to New York.” Art sighs, a pained expression on his face as he stares past Tashi at the doorway. 

“We could. I meant what I said. If this is all you can handle. It ends here.” The blond man swallows, bringing his gaze back to the woman in front of him. He knows it’s not true. It’s not okay if he can’t get them to the finish line. No matter how tired he is. “Or you can keep being a tennis player, which is what you are. What do you want?”

“I can play Cincinnati.”

“No, no you can’t. Not like this. Let me see.” Tashi crosses her legs as she scrolls through her phone, finally finding something she deems reasonable and scooting closer to Art, turning her phone to him. “Phil’s Tire Town, that seems promising.”

Art skims the information on the page and scoffs in disbelief, “That’s a challenger.”

“That, is exactly what you need to get your fuckin’ confidence back. Because in middle of fucking nowhere, Phil’s Tire Town, there will be absolutely nobody on the other side of the net who can shake your fucking confidence. Right?” She doesn’t wait for him to respond before she stands, declaring she was going to make a call to get him a spot.

He feels a wave of embarrassment at the thought of going to butt fuck nowhere to participate in the kind of Challenger he hadn’t participated in since he was 19. He’s fucking humiliated actually. But before the shame can overtake him, he catches sight of the gold band gleaming on his hand that he’d been sure to put back on as soon as his match was over. And any complaints he’d had are suddenly being drowned out by the fear of what would happen if he didn’t finish. 

“Tashi.”

“We had a deal, Art. I upheld my end, you uphold yours.”

[fuwushiguro]

𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

I'll try and keep this short and concise but you all know I talk too much lmao. I think I'm done w this blog and probably tumblr in general. I have nothing left to give, I'm exhausted and upset and I'm really tired of circling back to this so often. I haven't been interested in writing for a long long time but I get sudden inspiration to write and then choose to share and the lack of interaction is just so damaging. I don't think it would feel as bad if I hadn't had so many fics in the past get to like 1k notes or more, now I'm lucky if I get 30. And to be honest even then half of the notes are me boosting my own posts. It's just so crazy to think that my blog performs so poorly and has so little interactions considering my followers are a five digit number.

I do feel really abandoned and sort of shunned from tumblr and I wouldn't wish that on anyone personally. I always liked to think being on tumblr and having friends here was about supporting people and being kind but tbh it's not felt like that for a long time for me. I just have no desire to write, it's so thankless and disheartening.

I'm really enjoying doing art though even though that isn't doing well either. It actually feels a lot more worth my time to see a piece of art I've made with my own hands, obviously it would be nice to get interactions and stuff but it doesn't feel as hurtful when it doesn't.

It's just too frustrating at this point to keep logging in and seeing how poorly my stuff is doing compared to others. I don't doubt that there are others having a similar issue with interactions but I'm not interested in fighting a losing battle anymore, especially when I'm seeing other blogs getting like 8k notes on their fics and stuff. Not that those blogs don't deserve it! It just makes me think that I'm doing something wrong. All I've tried to be in my time here is nice and supportive. I love my followers and moots and the friends I've made and will always cherish but I think fuwushiguro is dead unfortunately.

Thank you all for supporting me for so long. It means a lot to know how many of you have stuck with me through everything and took the time to tell me how much you love my work and stuff, I'll never forget it.

Like I said, I'm still enjoying making art. I'll probably post stuff now and then over at @b-imbou if any of you want to support me over there. I have some other art socials too if any of you are interested feel free to ask. It'd be nice to keep in touch with you guys and keep sharing things I'm passionate about with you.

But, if not, thanks for everything.

Take care everyone!

Love, Luxe 💞

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

hello! im reasonably new to your account and i just saw that you have an arcana playlist (love the idea of that) and i dont know if you still take suggestions for the playlist, but in case you do, i have a few songs that remind me of characters (aka just Muriel, like literally just him) that might be of use :)

On the Mountain Tall - the Oh Hellos, not only does the name and the general vibe of the song fit him but there are a few lyrics in it like "I know you want me to be afraid, I know you want me to love you" "Up out of the grave of an angry ghost, Firing bricks from broken canon and prose, To build a wall so high it reaches the heavens in the sky" "Still you beat your drums, Raising holy war with every strum, Shouting down the quiet kingdom come, Brushing at your fingers, hoping you'll come around" that honestly just fit very very well

How to Disappear Completely - Radiohead cus its sad as fuck. "I'm not here, This isn't happening, I'm not here, I'm not here, In a little while, I'll be gone, The moment's already passed, Yeah, it's gone", if thats not a man dissociating through traumatic expiriences i dont know what is. The song keeps repeating "im not here", and seeing how Muriel chose to have a curse that makes people forget him, it is very fitting

Trapdoor - Twenty One Pilots, i have had an arcana obsession since like? 2019? when i was still a massive fan of this band, and this song always reminded me of muriel. "Take me out and finish this waste of a life, Everyone one gather around for a show, Watch as this man disappears as we know, Do me a favor and try to ignore, When you watch him fall through a blatant trapdoor, 'Cause nobody know his life (i always thought it was "he's alive")", it gives the vibes of how the people of vesuvia did Not Give A Shit About him. They just thought hed willingly murder so many people, nobody saw the literal chains he was stuck in and thought "hmm maybe hes being forced to do this"

No Suprises - Radiohead, it reminds me of how Muriel pulled away from all society after he fled from the colosseum. It reminds me of how he was so scared and so ashamed to interact with people, how he just wanted some silent and rest after all the horrible things he went though, not just in the colosseum but his entire youth. "You look so tired, unhappy. Bring down the government, They don't, they don't speak for us. I'll take a quiet life, A handshake of carbon monoxide, No alarms and no surprises, No alarms and no surprises, No alarms and no surprises, Silent, Silent", to me the song always feels like it needs to be sung while sobbing.

Sleep - My Chemical Romance, i 100% believe Muriel has so many nightmares, i mean its even shown in his route once. A symptom of ptsd is night terrors, and seeing what the guy has lived through theres no way he goes to sleep normally. I think this song catches the vibe of this pretty well.

PTSD - Joost, literally just a (dutch) song about ptsd. its a massive vibe and cus i hc that Muriel has ptsd i thought it be fitting

Me? Having massive brainrot abt Muriel? perhaps...

i hope this can be useful for your playlist!! (also if youd like i can give more of this, it is very fun to do lol)

@canofpeaches00000 woah, these are all awesome suggestions! I really appreciate how you broke down the lyrics and added context to them too, it doubled my capacity to enjoy them! ^.^

I've added them to the playlist and I'm putting them on the tag, thank you for all the recommendations friend! :D

[delgado-master]

Spacelazarwolf trying to discredit me some more.

Here’s Spacelazarwolf’s linked post, trying to discredit me. I’ll post comments on it below.

“you know what? i'm pretty done with your bullshit and also with this guy lying abt me and obsessing over me ten months later so i'll go ahead and reblog this on my main.

here's some screenshots to reference, because the screenshots in the linked post don’t actually prove anything he’s claiming.

this is what actually happened: narvin reblogged a post of mine that was a poc sending me an anon abt their frustration with white fragility and made a big fuss about the post that ended with "i'm fucking tired of people pretending that just because racism is a thing, all white people never faced bigotry [which the anon never said]. and may i remind you a lot of people consider jewish people white." which was a direct dig at me. i called him out, he doubled down, ended with "i'm just really fucking tired of people blaming white people in general for genocides that only certain white people participated in", at which point i unfollowed him. he dm’ed me to try to argue further and i responded that i was not going to talk about it, after which he went off the rails pretty quickly. he started posting a bunch of shit about me on his blog, ranging from saying shit like “see jewish people can be racist!!” to “i can’t be antisemitic i’ve been fighting antisemitism since childhood!!!” to comparing me to an abuser. he tagged me in posts and reblogged posts of mine, trying to instigate further conflict while also claiming i was somehow the one harassing him. i blocked him, and now ten months later he’s still obsessing about the incident. he usually posts about it every couple of months or tries to start shit on other people’s posts, trying to get drama started again.

his accusations fluctuate between claiming someone in my comments called him white (which i also didn't see happening and he hasn't provided any actual evidence for) and claiming i called him white (which is a straight up lie). the screenshots he does provide in his various posts are mostly people saying "white irish people are white." which is correct. lots of accusations of "denying that [he's] hispanic" which also just straight up did not happen. no one was talking about him specifically. we were all trying to have a bigger conversation about race and ethnicity but he made it about himself.

he claims people were "denying irish oppression" but again has yet to provide a single piece of evidence outside some screenshots of someone saying (to paraphase) "scots/irish/italian/etc people became active beneficiaries of white supremacy and white privilege in america" which is true. there have been numerous books written about this. the commenter said "if they immigrated today they'd potentially experience xenophobia but they wouldn't be considered 100% not white anymore because the idea of whiteness has expanded and changed from what it was back then." which is, again, correct in the context of the united states. he claims this is "denying anti-irish sentiment is serious" but considering this was all a reaction to a conversation about racism against darker skinned poc, i feel like we should all understand why "ok but white irish people don't experience racism" isn't "denying anti-irish sentiment is serious."

he’s also admitted several times that he’s fallen into antisemitism during this bizarre crusade, including claiming that i can “get away with being racist because i’m jewish, and yet he still doesn’t seem to want to examine how that engrained antisemitism might be affecting the way he’s continuing to obsess about me and straight up lie about what happened.

also as for you op, the interaction that made me block you was you losing your shit about a post where people were trying to have difficult conversations about white fragility in the trans community and the way that people try to flatten trans experiences so it becomes impossible to talk abt our lived realities without trans people that are materially safer throwing a tantrum because they feel invalidated. i think your exact words when confronted with the racial and ethnic dynamics of the conversation were “look at me, meekly trying to ask that they reconsider, instead of calling them transphobic dipshits like they deserve for endorsing this” followed by more complaining abt me “making the conversation about race.”

for y’all to now jump on the soviet-style zionist accusations because your last few attempts at a harassment campaign haven’t worked is fucking rich. so yeah. both of you can shut the fuck up now because i’m pretty done with dealing with bullshit from goyim who are uncomfortable when they aren’t the center of attention.”

Look I didn’t say I handled the situation well. What I do have issue with is Spacelazarwolf *literally called me white*. I have a fucking screen shot. And also, it’s rich he’s claiming it’s a harassment campaign when he previously lied about me sending DMs comparing him to an abusive ex boyfriend. Anyway I’m tired of people being able to brush aside racism because they are the louder voice.

[missgossiper]

// sigh. more ooc discussions under the cut: if you've grown tired of it, scroll on

// I was tempted to just delete this because it continues to violate my set boundaries and drag on this drama that I'm really getting tired of spending my break on, but I'm also hoping it will finally clear confusion once and for all.

the issue is, I've had accounts blocked in the past, and when I didn't include them in my blog it caused a huge hurricane of drama that I would rather not have to go through ever again. I avoided saying anything bad, had to excuse it as "I didn't know which rp side they were on" when often I just didn't like the general bad vibes (not true for EVERY case that was mentioned, but it was a decent few). and all it did was cause more problems because I was, admittedly, not clear enough. additionally, I don't see the issue considering someone from that side has done the exact same? so, simply put, no. I am going to be public and honest about my boundaries now so the anons and people around know and don't demand or berate me for not being "all inclusive". the thing is, I didn't say anything negative about the other rp, I merely kept it under the vague gauze of "I am uncomfortable with them". that could be entirely anything, something that HYPOTHETICALLY, isn't objectively bad and others may like, but I do not. I am not out to cause problems or soil the reputation of the other rp like some cartoon villain twiddling my mustache, I am letting my boundaries be known so I don't get shit on for it. as a normal character, I probably wouldn't have to, but as an event blog I am expected of much more. as one of my previous posts very clearly points out, I was never against or dissuading Laurens from interacting with that group, it is entirely their choice. and thus makes it my choice to no longer interact with him if he does.

and most importantly, it is not always easy to consider who is in what rp. oftentimes, a lot of us are too busy to keep up with it all, and you'll have a few characters that just go wherever but talk to another guy some other time. so I'll be perfectly honest and say, we are not as collective communities as you may think. I am not the president of this corner, what I say doesn't go for everyone else and vice versa. it is sometimes not decided as a whole mass what happens, but just a few people who might collectively agree on something similar.

I literally never said anything like that to even imply I think that people are forcing their way here and I do have plenty of people blocked, but again, doesn't stop anons and such from still expecting me to talk about them. I endured more of a "negative atmosphere" from trying to be vague and passively not include characters, and all it did was cause further problems. so tldr: I want to be more clear about my boundaries so I don't have to deal with stupid shit again.

[moviepixie]

Mr Queen

Subtitle: Comedic genius becomes the Main Character

A/n: I will be making a post called my unattainabe crushes and adding characters i love to it after each review!

This movie is suitable for all ages but i recommend for those above 13! As always my reviews will be including spoilers so be warned. The review starts below the cut!

Word count: 0.8k

*******

I assume that you have read the spoiler warning above so I'm just going to get right into it and say that I'm a sucker for drama but even I almost became tired of it. Firstly, the K-drama had me laughing time after time. From the mistranslations of the Queen's language by the Queen to the very dramatic moments and the identity crisis. All of it tied in to create a light-hearted yet sometimes serious K-drama series.

The plot is about a chef who through an accident finds himself in the body of the soon-to-be queen 200 years before the modern world. He gets into a lot of family drama and makes some enemies all while trying to live a quiet life in the palace. He soon realizes that that won't be possible and that the place is all about sides and sabotage, despite his attempts he still finds the people of the palace against him. The story covers him navigating the palace as well as the troubles of the King and the blooming love between the King and the Queen(Him).

This K-drama gave me new crushes, enemies and faves! But I'll talk about only a few of them here.

Firstly, The main character in the Queen's body. Now I know sometimes it's quite boring and cliche to like the main character, but admittedly to me, this guy carried the whole show. From the monologues to the identity crisis to the relationships with other characters such as the Queen's court maid and lady-in-waiting, the King's father-in-law and the chef. The unique interactions and his mannerisms in the Queen's body. He put a smile on my face time after time. He is my number 1 fave in this show and no one can change my mind.

Secondly, Palace Uibin. I did not like her in the palace, not even a little. I get that the two had a past but i just got irritated by her attitude, especially when she gave the ledger to the Queen Dowager when she knew it would help the King that she loved, because of jealousy. She also tried to shoot the queen with an arrow which could have fatally killed her! All for what? When the Queen had told her countless times that she wasn't involved. In fact, I can go as far as to say the Queen was living quietly and minding her business while everyone else tried to pin things on her. Uibin managed to be fooled by a woman who lets superstitions rule her life all for her hatred of the innocent.

Thirdly, The King, I love the king! From his backstory to just him in general and his love for the Queen just touched my heart and made me truly feel my singleness to a new degree! The King is the only one that I will defend to this day. He truly cared for his people and so I treasure him in my heart. he has been added to my list of unattainable crushes.

Kim Byung-In is someone I had a love-hate relationship with, mostly because he kept attacking my beloved King but also because the man was just doing too much. Like just rest! My cousins don't even ask me how i am, why are you in the Queen's business like this? If you had suspicions of the King, you could have asked the Queen! Because your family did more damage to the Queen than the King ever did or would! I was just looking at the guy and he was embarrassing me. But towards the end of the series, I was a little sad when he was dying but overall I was happy that he did.

The entire Jo and Ansong Kim family just left me with a bitter taste in my mouth and I hate them all. Safe to say I don't like royalty much at least in K-drama because when you sleep and wake up, there is a new problem. Why is my uncle trying to kill me and still expects me to reconcile later? Like Godforbid, it can't be me.

When the Ministers and the Grand Queen Dowager tried to have the little girl killed for trying to save the queen, this made me hate every person in that council. They irritated me to no end and enraged me greatly for the entirety of the episode and till the end of the season.

I didn't really like the ending of Mr Queen when the mc went back to, modern times but I don't mind too much.

I have decided to add the following members to my list of unattainable crushes:

Prince Youngpyeong: He is totally an introvert but he was cute and I just loved him.

Kim Hwan: He was just an idiot and that made me love him. He is a very simple-minded person which is a breath of fresh air for me.

Special Director Hong: His personality just made me love him. The way he was always going undercover and comforting Kim Hwan. I just love him!

So that concludes my review. Overall I give the K-drama a 7.5/10! I absolutely love it but the drama was getting a bit too much for me. Plus they didn't kill the Queen Dowager and Grand Queen Dowager so I was left A little underwhelmed.

Till next time loves!

[elvisabutler]

so i originally was thinking to myself "conceal don't feel" about my feelings about this year and basically gushing about all of y'all but everyone has been doing it and look, look, i'm trying to be better about not coming off as an aloof person when i'm really the sort of person who thrives on at least little tiny hellos from people who i know like me. despite being as old as i am i'm secretly always that shy 12 year old who has her people and wants more people but sucks at talking, alright?

anyway! none of that is the point. the point is that i haven't been in fandom for about 5ish at least years? like don't get me wrong, read fic, watched shows but me writing fics and interacting? good heavens no. and i think the last time i wrote fic was 2011 ( ironically also an rpf-ish fandom, there's something to be said about that maybe ) and so when i went into elvis i wasn't expecting much. but then i watched it and like- i had been a causal fan of elvis before- my parents were both born in the 50s so they're just about that interesting age to where my mom wished she could have been elvis's girl ( her older sisters too so clearly it's genetically a thing on my mom's side haha ) and my dad thought he was cool. point being i always knew of him and he was some at least tiny part of my life and that's part of the reason i wanted to go see the film. plus i honestly wanted to se ehow plastic looking they made austin look because baby those posters did him no justice.

and then i fell head over heels. watched it 5? times in theaters maybe 6, once with my mom who fell head over heels for austin butler which was not something i had on my 2022 bingo card and yet! and realized that oh heavens the fandom was mostly on tumblr let's boot up the old account and make a side blog and write a fix it fic ( that i am trash and still haven't finished ) and then @floralcyanide made their discord and eventually let me join and the rest was history?

not going into a lot of detail but i really cannot overstate how much this fandom and how genuinely sweet it is came to me at the right time. i've been missing having a solid and consistent creative outlet since i got married but especially since i had my daughter. and then in comes the elvis movie and austin butler and elvis in general and lord help me it's been a whirlwind. filled with stuff i'd never write and just a lot of fun times.

i wanna say thank you to all my favorite people who i either read your stuff or you read mine or i drool over your gif work or something else seeing y'all in my notifs always brightens my day just a little.

@superbatson @powerofelvis @headfullofpresley @venus-haze @cryingabtab @infatuatedharleys @areacodefan @star-shard @purejasmine @burninlovebutlerr @pearlparty @troubleinapinksuit @imperialmarchingthroughthegalaxy @karamelcoveredolicity @foreverdolly @powerofelvis @fantuhsise @flwrs4aust @she-is-juniper @elvisstyles @butlerstyles @missmaywemeetagain @bisexualwvtson @carnevol @mamaspresley @sassy-ahsoka-tano @butler-on-beale-street @dreamersparacosm @lindszeppelin @pennyroyalcreep, @slowsweetlove @blainesebastian and @ anyone else who regularly likes my stuff or engages with me i see y'all and i adore y'all. if i missed y'all don't take it personally i'm so tired today it's a wonder i remembered my own name.

and to my queens of graceland @aconflagrationofmyown @ab4eva and @butlersxbirdy y'all already know my love and to my other daily my life would not complete if i didn't say hello to y'all @blurredcolour, @eliseinmemphis and @bcofl0ve i love you guys. and @succsessions don't think i'll ever forget that one time you messaged me out of the blue when i was so stressed and wrote Some Tags ( tm ).

i'm gonna make it my mission to get to know some of y'all more in 2023 because truly i love this fandom so much and if it wasn't for this creative outlet appearing out of thin air, i think i'd been in a bit of a rougher spot than i am today and really i wanna just talk and interact more. and i promise y'all i don't bite if you're scared to talk to me, i'm an actual puppy, ask anyone who talks to me for longer than two minutes.

but basically happy new year y'all hoping all of our 2023s are fantastic and i love everyone in this bar so much. does that meme date me, i feel like it does.

[shinehyuk]

hi guys i'm alive

cw : bad mental health

first of all wth i'm so sorry :( i'm so sorry for leaving you just like that. it was very selfish of me. i don't have a good explanation for my actions but i missed you all so much and wanted to go back here but didn't. i have so much drafts of random stuff that i wanted to share with you during my 'disappearance' but couldn't bring myself to come back. i'm genuinely so sorry. please don't try to excuse my actions - i know that i would feel horrible if someone left without any explanation whatsoever and i am so disgusted by myself for doing that to you.

second of all. i'm okay. it's been a big rollercoaster of chaos. i'll try to fill you up to date with what i've been doing real soon :)

third of all. i really don't have a good explanation for why i left because i don't understand my own actions or know myself sometimes. i'll be completely honest with you and won't excuse myself with "i was busy" stuff because i was not. i often find myself not understanding my actions or behaviours lately. regardless, i'll try to understand it better by writing down some points.

- hyperfixating. i've never told this to anyone before because i thought it was silly. it's been getting worse lately; my hobbies and interests have been changing with each week and because of that i ENTIRELY lost interest and motivation to write. not only for kpop but in general. when i hyperfixate on something, i often tend to leave everything else behind. it's like starting writing something then coming up with a new idea and never continuing the first idea ever again. it's just a big chaotic mess.

- tired. as social i may seem on tumblr, that is not the case in real life. i'm 99.9% sure i have severe social anxiety and it's so tiring because i love you all so much and talking with you makes me happy but i often find myself feeling absolutely terrible because of social interactions. it's the worst in real life but it happens when i'm on here too which is NOT your fault. i genuinely love interacting with all my moots and followers but my mind plays games on me all the time.

i guess that's it. again, these points do not excuse me leaving. i SHOULD have at least said something but i did not. i'm so sorry for abruptly leaving you all without a single explanation. i genuinely wanted to tell you i'll be going on a break - i even made a post about it, but in the end, i was a coward and did not publish it. that's another case of me not understanding myself at times. it was very childish of me and i will not attempt to excuse myself when i was fully able to explain my situation before full on disappearing. please don't feel bad and comfort me, this is my fault and i'll genuinely try my best to not do it again and not let my mind get the best of me.

it'll take some time for me to respond to everything because i'm still feeling tired socially, but after explaining it on here i'm feeling just a bit better about it. if i don't respond to you for a while please know that i'm not ignoring you, i just can't bring myself to, no matter how badly i want to respond.

thank you <3

[gnzma]

6, 7, and 8 !!

also 21 and 22

[ gio spills the tea ; ACCEPTING ]

6. dash commentary ; also asked by @battlesfought

[ another dashcomm thing, if i see the height discourse again i think i will blow up fr

also i'm so glad we moved past the soup discourse. i know i'm treating with the devil over here by bringing it up but im SO glad ]

7. excessive ooc

[ okay, i think i have to make a distinction here. like for me "excessive ooc", as in writing ooc posts? that's more than fine, we all need to write things down, vent, or even just write a lot of updates or talking about stuff we enjoy!!

my big problem with excessive ooc comes when someone uses their rp blog exactly as a personal. like of course anyone can use their blogs as they please, but i remember years ago i ended up unfollowing a good friend (we're still friends now btw!!) because they really kept reblogging shitposts, memes and IRL news and posted, like. one thread every 10 posts that have nothing to do with their muse ]

8. DNIs in rules

[ eeeeeeeeh okay uh let's say i have my beef with this because. other than the usual "hey don't interact if you follow idk aku or smth", most of the times i had to deal with DNIs were from people who were like. Really Not Good? at all?

like im talking transphobes starting obviously fake shit with my friend group because we called em out for that transphobia, or people who ended up being much worse than the people in their DNIs. of course, if it helps someone feel safer, i see no problem with that!! i just wish said rule had a link to. idk proper sources or something, because all i can think of is "hey remember that one terf who tried to say we were sexist for not shipping with them?" ]

21. violent threads

[ GRABS i love violent threads so much i love blood and gore and. wheres that one tiktok where that guy goes YESSS WE'RE DRAWINGGG TWO MEN AND THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL EACHOTHER AND THE WRATH OF GOD AND THE WIND ARE MAKING THEM BLEED??? bc thats me fr ]

22. your current RPC; also asked by @battlesfought

[ WELL i talked about the pokemon RPC time to be. both positive and negative, i guess? about the SCP one!!!

because the few people who rp para are incredible. we're like, seven, eight at best? and they're hilarious we can manage to go from shenanigans to horror to angst to. fucking. mass panic at a containment breach and even if none of us is super active it's always a delight to see one pop up and quickly followed by literally everyone else

on the other. it unfortunately suffers of the "famous internet fandom" RPC disease where a lot of people play... i wouldn't say "badly", that's rude, but in a way i can't vibe with at all. most of the RP blog are actually IC blog that occasionally (which means. 20% of the time) end up having in character dialogues that fill the dash and 0 respect for rules and general RP etiquette like reblogging from source and whatnot, and once again since i'm here playing the arguably "fandom favorite" researcher i'm!already!!so tired of the people who come to me expecting to immediately play their husband!!!

so idk. i'll be in my corner with my cLiQuE being silly and cry because i just want a 076 to bully is it too much to ASK ]

[courtofmatchups]

Hello! When you have time can I please have a matchup?

My pronouns are she/her and at the moment I’m questioning if I’m either aro or demi-romantic

I’m not that good at describing myself so I’m sorry if it���s not the best but I’ll still try 😅

Sorry if this is long-

I’m a generally nice person who really cares about friends and always willing to listen to their problems and help comfort them in the best of my ability(I’ve actually been told I’m really good at knowing what to say lol). Although I have a few hiccups with my emotions(and having a little bit of difficulty controlling them), I try and keep myself calm and collected. I’m also guilty in talking really(REALLY) fast when I’m exited to the point people can’t understand me🧍🏼‍♀️

I’m energetic when I’m with friends I really like(which are few) and can be really clingy with them too, other people not so much haha. I’m also a good person to just chill with as well. I’m also pretty quiet when I’m overwhelmed and feel overstimulated by sounds and just being around people but after a while I’m back to normal, still pretty quiet though. I’m also a little sarcastic and rude when people are rude to me-

I enjoy scaring(and getting scared) people every now and then(it’s completely unplanned 90% of the time lol) and I’m really good at being quiet and walking/running quietly so it normally causes people to get a little spooked when I show up out of nowhere lmao

I can get pretty tired after a while(7+ hours) of hanging out with people but I try and keep my energy up and keep myself smiling

I enjoy sweets, fluffy things, and watching kids(kids love me as well), I also doing enjoy small pranks!

I get distracted semi easily but once I notice I get back to what I was working on even if it’s something really boring(no matter now much I want to fall asleep). It’s also slightly common for me to procrastinate but I end up finishing it in time at some point haha(even if I have to stay up late just to finish it)

I think that’s all of it, again, I’m sorry if this is long 😶

Take a cookie for this inconvenience 🍪🍪🍪

I'm sorry this took so long 😳. I had a lot going on. And thanks for the cookie lol

It seems to me you've captured the heart of...

The Immaculate Adept:

Toa Qelsum!

Oh, creator, this man has gone through a LOT, and you seem like the breath of fresh air he needs. The fact that you listen to your friends' problems and that you seem to know just what to say fascinates him to no end. He'd definitely talk to you to vent once he realizes he can let his fortress of a guard down. I feel like Toa would be a sucker and a half for people who are good with kids, and if he sees you interacting with kids, he would melt

Your energy may catch him off guard at first, but he does appreciate it, especially considering the fact that he lived in really uptight conditions. Whenever you do feel overwhelmed, he'll be sure to get you to a calmer place and then make sure you're okay. I feel like reading emotions and moods is also a skill he picked up while growing up. Your tendency to procrastinate may make him a bit iffy, but seeing that you still get the job done, he can overlook it.

Also, imagine him seeing you sass the hell out of Guy. Toa's respect for you would go through the roof

~~-----------------------------------------------------------------------~~

You didn't know this party would last so long. You've tried to keep smiling and having fun, but you're at your limit. Toa could see this so he led you to the balcony for some fresh air.

Toa: Are you alright?

You: Yeah. I'll be okay

Toa's perception had helped you get out of multiple situations that got you overwhelmed, and this was no exception. He did tell you that he learned this perception through a lot of his life experiences, and frankly, you were really grateful for that.

Toa: You seem happy. What are you thinking about?

You: I guess I'm just really happy to have you as a paramour

Toa: Heh, I'm glad I have you too

He truly was. Around you, he feels like he can truly let his guard down. Never mind simply letting his guard down, he can have fun with you. It might sound kind of sad, but being perfect (at least on the surface) is all he seems to know. He's glad he doesn't have to handle things entirely by himself. He told you this as you stood outside. You spoke a little more before going in. The guests at the party would miss you if you stayed out too long. You were ready to go after a couple of deep breaths

~~-----------------------------------------------------------------------~~

[whyrubuyingclothesatthesoupstore]

Keiji and Shin. What's so fascinating about their relationship.

kay so. keisou.

*explodes*

I have so many thoughts about them that I cannot possibly conjure up all of them on command, I definitely missed something sorry

In canon they are. They are foils they are rivals they are two sides of the same coin they are everything to me. They're invested in ruining each other's day to an unhealthy degree ("I don't think I've ever hated someone so much" *literally anything Shin said to Keiji*) and despise each other even though it's established pretty early on that they're really similar. But throughout the game we get small glimpses of what they could've been like as allies (Shin briefly mentioning Keiji was in the secret room with him in 1-2, implying that Shin showed it to him first; "Just my detective intuition""Pretty persuasive"; these lines specifically I cannot get over cause like. they seem so uncharacteristically friendly) and I think it's safe to say that if literally anything about their situation was different they could've ended up getting along. There's also definitely a lot of hidden regret when it comes to the ways they've hurt one another, even if it might just be because they regret being the way they are in general and not necessarily out of personal attachment (but I think it is both. and that is what matters)

My ideal dynamic for them would be some kind of post-logic scenario where a year or two after the death game they're not only both alive but also still in each other's lives. I feel like I should end it here because this is enough of an unrealistic fantasy already but I'm adding more. I wanna see them attempting to navigate a situation where they don't have to view each other as potential threats and be prepared to attempt a murder any second, and it would also be interesting to see how they'd interact when the guilt of everything and the disdain they have for each other isn't as overwhelming but still very present. tired conversations in the middle of the night about whether they deserve happiness and if it even matters anymore, playing video games together, trying to mix coffee with an energy drink, you know the usual. also I wanna see Keiji having a "'I can fix him' says man who is worse" mentality towards Shin, he seems like the kind of guy that gives out life advice and doesn't follow it. I also like the potential of Shin having completely one-sided feelings for Keiji in the death game, because Shin tries to get Keiji's attention a lot more and shows way more enjoyment in getting reactions out of him than Keiji does, and it can be interpreted as Keiji just genuinely not caring about Shin at all.

I like the everything about tgem. But seriously I like the way they jump from enemies to allies every five seconds, from "It's your turn to die, Sou" to "We're your allies. Try trusting us.. Sou" to "I'll kill every one of you that killed Kanna" to "It's different now" to "He can't die like this! I need to-" and the many many ways they parallel and contrast each other, especially how they achieve what the other couldn't

For Keiji, Shin would be everything he dislikes about himself, an "adult with bad intentions" taking advantage of a kid to further his goals. But in a way, in 2-2 Shin ends up kind of outgrowing that and trying to sacrifice himself for that kid, so you could say he becomes everything Keiji wants to be, or doesn't think he deserves to be. For Shin it's the reverse, Keiji would be the ideal he strives towards and later comes to despise, a strong person not only willing, but capable of doing anything to survive. While Keiji would view Shin as a threat and a liability and logic Shin would see Keiji as a cold-blooded murderer, I think there would have also been some genuine attachment buried under 30 layers of guilt and spite, considering how many times they've ended up fighting on the same side and gotten close to at least somewhat reconciling before things inevitably went south and they ended up seeing each other's worst qualities.

Favorite canon interaction: I made a line-by-line analysis of the "It's different now" scene you don't need an answer to that question

Okay, as for the many many situations I'd like to put them in: I wanna see them come up with a plan together. I don't really care what it would be for, I just want to see them trying to work together. I wanna see them using the same tactics they've used against each other to achieve a common goal. I wanna see a team-up between the two people that were constantly trying to one-up each other in how much convoluted schemes they could pull off. If these two tried to scheme together the game would either end right then and there or drag on for another 20 hours and honestly either option is beautiful. also I think it would be fun to see how they'd negotiate a token trade in 2-1, and what kind of circumstances they'd have to be in to even consider trading with each other. I actually have a fic in the works about that one

[yejiroh]

"I know."

A/n: This was entirely written for my own self-indulgement. At 2:00 a.m.

Warnings: Suicide, angst, self-neglect, hallucinations, drug and general substance abuse, depression, death of a loved one and refusing to cope, abusive relationships.

Yuji x gn!reader.

•••

"Love is bittersweet when who you want doesn't, or rather, no longer exists.

"It's ironic, how you refuse to interact with those around you, how you hide away, staring at a screen for hours at a time, ignoring the people you actually know and giving up everything for those you don't. And then wish to be a part of a different world, where things could be a million times worse.

"You wish you could give it all up, just for that person, yeah?"

"I gu-"

"Don't answer that."

Therapy was supposed to work. Supposed to help him get at least a little better.

But this was suffocation at its finest.

Crisp clothes that smelled like those fabric softeners you used to love so much, hair washed with your favorite shampoo, nails painted your favorite color-

"Are you trying to make them live through you, Yuji?"

His eyes snapped up, the strong smell of cleaner and the doctor's gaze strictly boring into his own tired eyes.

"Are you trying to make them live through you, Yuji?" They repeated.

"I'm...I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Are you sure? Mx L/n isn't here dea-"

"Please don't address me like that. Only Y/n can call me stuff other then my name."

If only thunder boomed. But it was a perfect day outside.

"Yuji, Y/n isn't here, remember? They're dead."

"Are you stupid? What kind of doctor tells lies? They're just late to this appointment. Y/n is always late, but they always come, you idiot."

"Yuji, do you know what kind of doctor I am?"

•••

"You should really stop taking all those pills. It's bad for your kidneys."

"I know."

"So why do you take them?"

"They calm me down."

"You should go see a doctor, Y/n."

"No thanks, Yuji. I know what I'm doing. "

•••

"You're...a therapist?"

"Yes, but do you know what kind?"

"You were Y/n's?"

"Yes, Yuji. And now I'm yours. But do you know what my job is?"

The room became quiet, only the soft ticks from the seconds-hand on the clock could be heard. It continued on for some time before the doctor set aside their notepad, observing Yuji.

Everything he wore was Y/n's. The way he did his hair was like Y/n's. The way he sat was how Y/n sat.

"Yuji, where is Y/n?"

"They're right here?"

"No Yuji. Where is Y/n?"

"They're here. Why do you keep asking the same questions? It's confusing. Stop it."

•••

Their lips tastes like the cheap alcohol in the cabinets and like cigarettes from the gas station.

But still, they were their lips.

And Yujj loved them.

Y/n smiled, taking another sip from the bottle before kissing Yuji again.

"This is home?"

"Yep! This is home."

"And...it's ours?"

"You betcha baby! All ours. We can do whatever the hell we want now."

"Oh...well we better take care of it then."

"Whatever."

•••

Leaning forward, the doctor grabbed some cards from the coffee table.

"Would you like to play a game with me, Yuji?"

"What kind?"

"Speed. Do you know it?"

"No?"

"It's easy. A deck of 52, since we take out the jokers. You know the order of the cards, yes?"

"Yes."

"Great. Now, I'll give you three stacks of 5 randomly shuffled cards, and give myself the same. We'll have two stacks of 10 right here, and flip one from each of those 10 onto the table. Your job, is to beat me. When a card is down, you can only place another card on top if its one above OR below. If neither of us can, we grab another two. Only 5 cards can be in your hand at a time. Kapeesh?"

"Yeah."

Swiftly shuffling the cards, the doctor laid them out, and the game started.

•••

"Y/n, that's not how you play."

"Then tell me how, Yuji. Since YOU know everything."

"I didn't say that Y/n. Can you please stop?"

" 'Can you please stop?' You know how much of a baby you sound like? Learn to just deal with everything. Fucking ruining the mood babe."

"Okay Y/n."

"Thank you baby. I appreciate it."

"I know."

•••

Yuji grabbed a stack, quickly placing a jack on a queen, and a 10 on the jack.

"Good job, Yuji. Thanks Y/n."

The doctor stopped playing, watching Yuji talk to himself as he laughed before placing more cards down, eventually winning.

"Did you see that?"

"I did, you did great."

"Thanks, doc."

"Yuji?"

"Hm?"

He looked up, startled to see the doctor crying.

"What's wrong?"

"How long will you continue to lie to yourself, honey? Y/n passed away a year ago. You're starting to forget things, and it's scaring me-"

"I know."

"Yuji, they left you. They won't come back. Look in the mirror. Do you see Y/n? No, cause they're gone. It's heartbreaking to see you come here every week and play this charade with yourself. You need to move on."

"I know."

"You keep saying that, but continue on. If you know, then do something!"

The doctor's please fell on deaf ears as Yuji snapped up, kicking the chair over, angry.

"I said I know. WHY does everyone feel the need to tell me to move on? Just go away! I know Y/n was horrible, but you guys didn't know them. You didn't know they just wanted someone to talk to. No, all you know is that you put them on those drugs, that you know you showed them how to forget. So no. I won't stop. Y/n isn't gone. You can write me down as crazy; I don't care. I don't care anymore. "

"Yuji sit down. Right now."

"No."

"Yuji-"

"Go ahead and call security. Put me on the same shit you out Y/n on. It sure did help. Fuck you."

"SIT DOWN. THEY'RE GONE CAUSE THEY DIDN'T LOVE YOU. THEY'RE GONE BECAUSE YOU PUSHED THEM TO THE EDGE YUJI. NOT BECAUSE OF THE MEDICATION. NOT BECAUSE OF US.

"You told them to stop. You didn't want to be with someone who required so much maintenance, so you made them stop. What, antidepressants are worse then drinking away your problems? They're gone cause you told them to go.

"Now sit down and talk with me. Let's sort this out."

"...I know."

[h0neyjaehyun]

☁︎ 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 ☁︎

Summary // Tali's period decided to pay a visit and everyone now gets to see what some girls go through.

Characters // Talia Flores + Nct 127 + Nct Dream (Except : Jaemin Mentions: Her mother)

Era / Year // November 2017

Word Count //

⚠️Warning⚠️ // Periods??

As many people do, people go through puberty, and Talia is no different. As most people call it, she pulled a Jungkook on us. She also had her period, the boys were ready for it and everything, but she never really showed signs she was on her period.

She got her period when she was 13 years old, and has it every 3 -4 months. She is irregular, but usually in that span she would get it, unless she is on a diet that is quiet dangerous then no period at all. When she does have her period the side effects she has is cramps, headache, nausea, and last but not least mood swings her mood swings are more emtional, like she cries more easily. Talia is one to be able to control her mood so mood swings she is able to hide pretty well but sometimes she slips up.

During the trainee days the boys didn't really care about her period, thats until they started living with her remember oh yeah, periods.

They don't ask, and she doesn't say, why? Cause she feels awkward asking them for stuff like pads, or ibuprofen etc. So she asks her personal manager or one of the girls from Blackpink.

Thats when one day, her period decided, hey...you gonna be in pain.

Tali woke up to pain on her stomach and head, she groan out in pain knowing, today is gonna be a long day. She went to the bathroom and got tampons and ibuprofen, she sat on the ground for a second so the pill can work, she sighed in relief when it started working but knowing her body its gonna come back up in a couple hours maybe even minutes. She got up and saw all of dream preparing breakfast.

"Hey sleepy head, you woke up late, when did you sleep." Jaemin nagged at her.

"Hmm, I don't remember but Im still tired." She mumbled as she sat next to Jeno and layed her head on his shoulder.

They all looked her worried, she seemed more tired then usual.

"EVERYONE!"

Everyone turned to the door and they saw Mark at the door they all looked at him confused.

"Lets go, we are gonna be late to the recording."

He hurried them. Talia's face filled with annoyance but reminded herself, do not take it out on them, do not take it out on them, they are just reminding you just go change. She chanted to herself, as she went to her room. Mark noticed her tiredness, but decided it was nothing.

She changed, brung her stuff for her period and a brown bag, as she feels like since her pain is this bad, nausea is bound to happen which equals throwing up. She left her room and everyone was there and they left, she texted her personal manager say she has her period, but she might have to canceled the recording session since its bad.

She remembered that Karma said she went on birth control to stop her period and she thought about it but thought...no I can handle it...boy was she wrong today.

They got in the car and she could feel her pain comeback its just has been 30 minutes maybe a little more, and in the car out of all times she thought. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath trying not to groan in pain.

They got to the company building as she was about to step down a sharp pain hit her abdomen, she yelped in pain and she she squeezed the door handle.

"Noona you okay?" Jeno asked as he was right behind and saw nothing could have hit her.

"Yeah I just...hit my finger on the door." She made a quick excuse. But the boys were not buying it, but they let it go. They walked in the building and went to the studio.

She sat down in silence as the boys were eyeing her. They knew about her period she just never shows it, so they don't know whats wrong.

"Lets start guys, who is gonna go first?" One of the producers asked mostly looking at Tali but she shook her head no, he got the hint and went on to Haechan. The boys saw the interaction, and now wondering whats wrong.

Tali moved up to the seat next to the producer. He whispered.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just got it today, and its a bad one...you got a water?" She asked him and he knew what she meant. He grabbed a water and handed it to her.

"So thats why you canceled the recording?" Tali nodded

"Yeah, I took ibuprofen 30 minutes ago and my pain has comeback so I'm gonna take another one."

He nodded, she grabbed her pills thinking no one was looking, as it seems the boys were looking at their lines, but in reality they were all looking at her.

They were worried and then when she got pills out of her bag, they were even more worried. She took them and put them bag quickly. They were confused. They saw her lean back and sigh with relief.

"You wanna go next?"

"Yeah, while this pill is working." She whispered, she got up went in the studio and smiled at Haechan but when she got in return was a worried look.

"Whats wrong?" She said to him.

"I should be asking you that, are you sure you hit your hand on the door or are you in pain somewhere else,Noona don't lie to me." Haechan warned, since Talia is not a big lier but when it comes to her health and pain she does.

"I'll be fine, okay, if I can live a day of dieting I can live through pain, don't worry yourself. Im a grown woman." She shook her head playfully at him, making it seem she was okay.

He was half convinced she was okay but the other half he knew she was lying about being okay.

She started recording and managed pretty well. She left with Mark and Haechan to practice with 127 she went up first then the other two behind her. They were looking at her for any sign of pain or discomfort but couldn't find any.

They made it to practice and she smiled at the guys. The choreographer called Tali to him before they started.

"Hey you good? I know how bad your cramps and nausea get, just tell me when you can't handle the pain anymore or dizzy, cause I've seen it." He said, she nodded and smiled.

"I'll try."

He nodded knowing she will just fight through the pain like usual.

They continued practice, before they got there Haechan texted them that Tali is in pain but he doesn't know how. So they kept an eye on her, she noticed but decided to go through it like normal. Thats when her pill wore off on her kick in Cherry Bomb when she stood on leg, her legs gave up on her and her abdomen felt like it was getting stabbed.

They guys ran up to her Jaehyun catching her on her way down he could see her almost crying and whimpering in pain.

"I told you when you feel the pain stop practicing especially this time but nope." The choreographer shook his head and grabbed water and ibuprofen. Tali look at it and shook her head knowing her period it probably won't work.

"Its not gonna work, I already took 3." She huffed feeling her abdomen in pain, she groan in pain.

"Whats wrong?" Yuta asked her, worried why the girl is in so much pain.

"She got her period, today and its nasty one too." The choreographer explain.

"Take her home and someone stay with her, cause her period side effects are not the best."

"What side effects? I thought it was only cramps?" Mark asked innocently.

"Well yeah, but with her its a lot, for example she has, cramps and bad ones, headaches, and nausea. Sometimes mood swings but she is good at handling that." He explained the boys eyes widen theh look at Tali who is now curling up on Jaehyuns lap in pain.

"Okay we will take her home." Doyoung said.

"Jaehyun you carry her and Johnny grab her stuff. The rest look up what good to grab for a bad period and go buy it." Doyoung instructed. The members scattered wanting Talia not to be in pain anymore.

Jaehyun and Johnny when back home first and Jaehyun layed Talia on Haechan's bed he was about to leave when Tali grabbed his hand.

"No, please don't leave I don't wanna be alone." She whined, he chuckled and went under the blanket with her on his chest. He was petting her hair, but she still wasn't able to go to sleep because of the pain. They heard the boys come through the door thats when she got up quickly and ran to the bathroom. All the boys saw her run and they started to go after her and they saw her throwing up.

Yuta went quickly to hold her hair up and rub her back. She put her face up catching her breath then flushed the toilet and layed back on Yutas chest.

"Ah, sorry, when it gets this bad I have nausea, so you will probably see me in the bathroom a lot." She smiled at them apologetically.

"No no, you don't have to be sorry, but that means you are gonna have to eat more." Taeyong stated, Talia shaked her head vigorously no.

"Yes, you are gonna dehydrate if you don't." Doyoung slightly raised his voice at her. She was gonna glare at him but closed her eyes and turned Yutas chest and sank in his arms.

They boys could see her holding back her comments and attitude, which assumed were her mood swings then Yutas eyes widen which made them worried he picked up Tali's face which kinda spooked him how quiet she was crying.

"Oh oh why are you crying?" Yuta asked softly, knowing the result of a louder voice will probably make her cry even more. Doyoung's eyes widen as he felt guilt rush through him, as the others were surprised how quiet Tali was crying or she was crying in general.

"Be- because I don't deserve you guys a-and Doyoung raised his voice at me and I was gonna say something mean but I remembered he doesn't deserved it he just cares for mee~" She whaled at the end as Yuta hugged her head as she wrapped her arms around his torso.

You could see the guilt on Doyoung's face when she said that, and noted when on her period don't raise his voice. He went in and pulling her to him, she looked up at saw his face she was about to pull away but saw the caring look in his eyes.

"Sorry for raising my voice, Im not mad and you know that but can you atleast eat a snack here and there." He asked softly, she nodded her head cutely which made the boys even more soft because some people have ugly face when they cry and some don't. Tali doesn't, her cheeks and nose goes to a rosie color while her eyes dilate and she looks like a doll.

She was about to hug Doyoung but yanked back, and went to throw up in the toilet again. The boys winced at the action as the also see Tali holding her stomach, she leans back on Yut's chest again, as Yuta plays with her hair.

"Hey uh..." She hesitated.

"No tells us its okay." WinWin said trying to reassure her as she gave him doe eyes, he went soft.

"Can someone get my uh, heating pad." As she closed her eyes tightly, her hands on her abdomen.

"Of course princess." Taeyong said as he went to grab the heating pad and heat it up.

"Im gonna go make food okay." Doyoung said and kissed her head and left, she nodded. Now the boys were around the bathroom not wanting to leave Tali's side.

"Shoot." She whispered but everyone heard.

"What is it?" Haechan whispered but worried.

"Uh..." She still looked hesitant.

"Its okay, just tell us we will do it." Taeil reassured her.

"Uh can someone grab my bag for a...tampon." She said embarrassed. The boys smiled at her flustered state. Johnny got up and grabbed the the tampons but got confused.

"Uh Tali which one?" He held up a box filled with different tampons. Talia laughed but winced, the boys looked at her with worry.

"Im okay, its fine just give it to me but can you get out please?" She smiled. They nodded and left. Once she finished she opened the dorm to see a smiling Taeyong with her heating pad her put it on her abdomen and she sighed in relief, but then dream barged in.

"NOONA?"

The boys went to the bathroom where most of the boys were surrounded. They saw her laying on Taeyong looking at them with a surprised look on her face.

"Why didn't you tell us you were hurting, huh?!" Renjun raised his voice a little which wouldn't really matter if Tali wasn't on her period didn't consider it related to her mother. The dreamies and 127 members saw her eyes water and slowly she started to cry. Which threw off the dreamies.

"I-im sorry, I didn't want to bother you, and we were going to record which was al- already stressful so I didn't want you to look after your noona." Tali hiccuped as she cried, and the look on Renjun's face couldn't have felt more guilty, thinking he made Talia cry. Before he could say anything she said

"Im sorry I'm am emotional mess." Which broke them seeing her like that Taeyong held her head to his chest rocking her back and fourth.

"Shh its okay. We love you okay, remember that." He said kissing her head. Trying to rock her to sleep.

Renjun was standing there feeling guilty thinking he did something wrong to make Talia cry. But Doyoung went up to him and patted him on the back.

"You didn't do anything wrong, right now she is emotional, Haechan will expain the do's and don'ts that we have learn while she is on her period." Doyoung expain to the dreamies, they nodded and went to Haechans room.

They entered and Renjun was feeling guilty, yeah she was on her period but he felt like he did such a terrible thing. Haechan noticed.

"Yeah I saw, its fine it happened to Doyoung too, but what we have learned so far is that she has bad cramps, headaches, nausea and mood swings."

"Is that why she is in the bathroom?" Chenle asked, Haechan nodded.

The dreamies felt helpless, they cant do much for their noona.

Next day.....

Tali woke up in Haechan's bed, with Renjun hugging her, she guessed he felt bad for making her cry, now and now she felt bad for overreacting.

Then she stopped herself if she thought more about what happen she would cry again. She got up and saw everyone around sleeping, she felt guilty for making them worry but then she felt something and knew what was coming.

She ran to the bathroom which made everyone wake up and look around seeing Tali up which meant she went to throw up. They felt guity not being able to help. Renjun woke pretty fast and ran after her, he saw her throwing up and held her hair back and hugged her.

"You okay?" He asked softly. She nodded.

"I know its weird, but can you bring me a tampon any is fine." He nodded and left. She huffed and layed her head back.

"Im so going on birth control."

[nocturnal-dreams]

I might take this down later tonight so if you want to screenshot it so you can use my words against me like in 2 months again go the fuck ahead but I've heard so many anons going on my account that I will not be responding to because well I really couldn't give less of a fuck. Anons are pissed off at me for multiple reasons. While its 1am and I'm kind of drunk, I feel like I can quickly explain myself.

⚠️ Stop reading now if you really couldn't give a damn ⚠️

➖Okay so I've seen a lot of people pissed off at me for writing for c!Schlatt. Now I completely agree that you can be mad at Schlatt, he's said some fucked up things but to be attacking his fans and the people who are a fan of his character, no that's fucked up and if you're a follower of mine and hate on Schlatt fans, you can kindly fuck off, you're no follower of mine. Look I'm sorry but I'm not gonna stop writing for a character that I enjoy because the internet isnt a fucking perfect picket white fence.

Another thing related to Schlatt is JustAMinx or the chuckle sandwich crew in general but I'll just talk about Minx. I'm still gonna write for her since I genuinely enjoy her content. Do I like that she's friends with Kacey? Absolutely not but Minx is an adult and it's up to her to make her own choices. Do I wish she'd not support Kacey, absolutely but once again she's an adult and its up to her to be responsible when looking at who she's to be friends with

➖Okay number 2, my dress pictures or just the pictures I post of my irl life in general. I've been getting a lot of hate anons lately that are mad at me for wearing a dress because people think I'm faking being non-binary for clout, shut the fuck up. I can wear my packer and binder and I'm still gonna be non-binary, what's so different about me wearing a fucking dress that shows a little cleavage? Grow the fuck up

Another few anons I've been getting are about my weight in the photos, people claiming they're worried about my health, no bro you're just being a dick. Look I am afab and I have a little thing called a uterus, now something that this uterus causes me to do is bloating, but I also have a thing called tits. Now I dont know if you knew this but porn stars may have huge fucking tits and no fat but you know what that is? That's surgeries and dieting to one piece of food every week. Now do I feel like doing any of that? Fuck no, I'm confident in my body and I'll wear whatever the fuck I want no matter my size.

So here's for you fucks:

➖Number 3, some people are mad at me for keeping myself private? I made a post like 2 months ago I think now telling people that they dont know me, they only know what I wish to tell them and that I like to live a private life. The reason for this post? Because I had an anon send me a ask of my exact location and birth name, I am safe dont worry but the second that happened, I felt like I needed to set some kind of boundary because that was fucking creepy especially because at that time, I was living with my friend and her two year old daughter.

In that post I said "I care about all of you guys but I dont know you and you dont know me, what I say is what I choose to tell you guys." People took that is me referring to everyone as a number, once again my words being taken out of context

➖Number 4, look I'm not a licensed therapist so stop treating me like I am one. I'm human to and need my breaks. You can message me and send me as ask if you need somewhere to vent but how about we dont get pissed off at me if I dont answer immediately or if my advice isn't good enough. I dont have all the answers, I try to help with the knowledge that I have.

Also please put a trigger warning at the start of your ask, it just helps me be able to filter everything better and also stops people if they skim read and might be put into a bad place, it's just so helpful to do and it takes two seconds

➖Number five, calling me a groomer for interacting with minors...

*inhale* WHAT?! So you're telling me that me supporting talented writers who happen to be minors and being someone they can talk to and be like a parental figure to is me being a groomer? Huh?!

I'm sorry but that is completely bullshit, want to see a groomer? Look at someone like James Charles or Onison, get your head out of your ass

➖Number 6, the one that pisses me off the most. "You dont write enough", do you really think in any kind of small pea brain mind that people being rude to me about not writing enough is gonna make me want to write more? I took a break from writing in the first place because people were being dicks to me about it, saying oh you spelt this wrong, or this is so cringy, or stop making the person ooc.

I write for myself and I'm gonna be honest, I have many finished drafts and fic ideas but I dont want to post them because well I'm tired of being shitted on for every minor mistake.

➖look I'm not a perfect person and have never tried to come across as one. I fuck up and I'm sure you do too. At this rate with all the hate anons recently, I'm very close to turning off anon asks or just asks in general. But I don't want to do that because my anon asks are for people who want to vent but want to stay anonymous and I feel like that would take away that security of I turned it off.

Just let people exist and get your head out of your ass