#i'll probably get lunch in town so i'll come back and chill then get back to the grind

[southislandwren]

okay so if i test negative tomorrow its business as usual. but if i test positive now I miss a third shift (so missing out on 80 bucks total from this week) and i have to reschedule an exam and a quiz and a lab. which doesnt actually sound so bad exceot then i'd be a whole week behind in lab, and the exam has to be proctored by someone else bc the prof is unavailable when you are, and the prof with the quiz to be rescheduled AGAIN already doesn't like me (my hunch is that its because i have an airpod in during class so i dont fall asleep)

[alwaysmoncheri]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧

summary: in which best friends, y/n henderson and steve harrington get caught up in their feelings while paranormal activities occur in the small town of hawkins, indiana

cw: fem!reader, I wrote this a long time ago(I apologize for everything cringe), shit writing, first person pov, steve being mean, mentions of sex, 2.4k

<3

The next day I ride my bike to school. After stopping by my locker I notice Nancy walking down the hallway a nervous look on her face.

"Hey, Nance," I say, coming up from behind her, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." She says hesitantly, "I just... I feel like everyone staring at me." She adds looking at the passing group of girls who seem to be whispering with pointed looks directed towards Nancy.

"Yeah, I see it too." I say, my gaze following the group of girls as we approach Nancy's locker.

"You don't think Steve told—" Nancy starts.

"Steve can be an asshole sometimes," I say, cutting her off, "But he wouldn't stoop that low."

Nancy nods, opening her locker.

"So you and Steve...?" I ask, glancing at the ground.

"Yeah." Nancy says with pink cheeks.

My heart breaks at the confirmation that her and Steve, did indeed, do something last night. My eyes brim with tears before I can stop it from happening.

"Um, I'll see you later Nance." I say quickly before rushing to the nearest bathroom.

On my way, I just so happen to stumble upon Steve. He notices my tear-filled eyes and grabs my arm to stop me from going any further.

"Hey, (Y/n), you okay?" He says softly and gently grabs my shoulders.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I snap and wipe my eyes, noticing I'm making a scene, "Just let me go, Steve."

His eyes go wide at my harsh tone. Steve then notices the people staring all around us and immediately drops his hands back to his sides. Before he can respond I brush past him into the girl's bathroom.

My fingers grip the sink's counter so hard it turns my knuckles white. With tears streaming down my face, I press my lips together in an effort to keep my sobs inaudible. Once I manage to compose myself, I splash water onto my face, take a deep breath, and head for my classroom, trying my hardest to remain unfazed.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

At lunch, I claim my usual spot next to Steve. Tommy and Carol are across from us. Nancy didn't show up. Thankfully, Steve doesn't mention our encounter from earlier this morning.

"That's why science doesn't make any damn sense to me." Tommy says.

"No, I swear. Look at this." Carol says, proudly displaying her ankle on the lunch table, "It's totally frostbite."

"It's not frostbite, Carol." I mumble, noticing Nancy heading in our direction, a worried look on her face.

"Oh, thanks, man," Tommy says spooning applesauce into his mouth, "It's a heated pool."

"Well, if it's not frostbite, then what is it?" Carol asks.

"Ugh, I don't care what it is," Steve says, clearly grossed out, "It's disgusting!"

"Yeah, we're eating here, Carol," I say rolling my eyes, "So get it off the damn table."

Tommy tries to sneak a spoonful of Carol's applesauce, only for her to swat his wrist in response, "Ew."

"Hey, Tommy." Nancy speaks up, after sitting down on the other side of Steve. "When you left, did you see Barb?" She questions, leaning forward.

"What?" Tommy replies.

"Barbra." Nancy says, frustrated, "She's not here today."

"I seriously have no idea who you're talking about." Tommy says and chuckles at himself. Carol laughs too.

"Come on, don't be an ass, man," Steve says, "Did you... did you see her leave last night or not?"

"No, she was gone when we left." Tommy answers finally.

"Probably couldn't stand listening to all that moaning." Carol comments with a smirk.

"Ooh. Oh, Steve!" She and Tommy mock, "Oh, Steve! Oh, Steve! Ooh, Steve."

"Oh, Steve." Tommy grunts as he bangs his hand on the table.

I clench my jaw, hiding my jealousy and Nancy shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

"Okay, chill." Steve says to Tommy and Carol before they break out in laughter.

"I'm sure, she's fine Nance. She was there when I left." I say, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Yeah," Steve agrees turning to Nancy, "She's probably just... She's probably just, like, skipping, or something." He adds with a shrug.

"Yeah," Nancy says, "Yeah, probably."

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

As soon as the final bell rings, I walk out of the building, feeling exhausted. Across the parking lot, Steve is sitting on the hood of Jonathan's car, with Tommy and Carol nearby.

This can't be good.

Upon witnessing Steve stand up once Jonathan approaches, I rush over to the scene ahead.

"What's going on?" I say standing by Jonathan's side.

"Oh, (Y/n), just in time," Steve says, "Nicole, here was just telling us about Jonathan's work."

"We've heard great things." Carol comments.

"Yeah, sounds cool." Tommy says.

"And we'd just love to take a look," Steve says, "You know as connoisseurs of art."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jonathan says before attempting to walk away.

"Oh no?" Steve says, as Tommy snatches Jonathan's bag.

"Hey." I utter, taking one step forward, but Steve places his hand on my shoulder and nudges me back.

"Please, just give me my bag," Jonathan begs as Tommy throws the bag to Steve, "No just..."

"Man, he is, like, totally trembling." Steve says unzipping Jonathan's bag, "He must really have something to hide."

Steve instantly pulls pictures out of Jonathan's bag, "Ahh, here we go." He says looking through the pictures, "Oh man."

"Let me see." Tommy says glancing at the pictures in Steve's hands.

"(Y/n), take a look at this one." Steve says turning to me.

With a hesitant step forward, I cast a concerned look in Jonathan's direction. He wears a guilty expression, which only increases my anxiety. Steve hands me the picture, eyes searching my for my response.

The moment my eyes fall on the photograph, my heart skips a beat. There I am in my white bra, Steve wrapping me in a towel after everyone else went inside. In the picture our eyes meet, and there's a hidden meaning behind the glance.

I hand the picture back to Steve and look up at Jonathan with a hurt look, "Jonathan...? What..."

"Dude." Tommy says, looking at the photo.

"Yeah, this isn't creepy at all." Carol says, looking through a few of the other pictures.

"I was looking for my brother." Jonathan defends himself and sends me a pleading glance.

I look away.

"No," Steve responds right away, "No, this is called stalking."

"What's going on?" Nancy asks coming up from behind Jonathan.

"Here's the starring lady." Tommy says with a smile.

"What?" Nancy asks adjusting her shoulder strap.

"This creep was spying on us last night." Carol says, "He was probably gonna save this one for later." She says and hands a picture to Nancy.

Nancy looks at Jonathan shocked and Steve clicks his tongue.

"See, you can tell that he knows it was wrong, but..." Steve says, taking a step towards Jonathan, "Man, that's the thing about perverts... it's hardwired into them. You know, they can't help themselves." Steve finishes tugging at Jonathan's jacket, making him uncomfortable.

Steve then starts ripping the picture he handed me and throws the pieces at Jonathan, "So, we just have to take away his toy."

"Steve..." I say and gently touch his arm before he can grab the camera. He looks at me, and after a moment of hesitation, he shakes my hand off and snatches the camera from the bag.

"No, please." Jonathan says, attempting to make a move for the bag but he's stopped by Tommy, "Not that camera."

"No, no, wait, wait... Tommy, Tommy. It's okay." Steve extends his hand with the camera towards Jonathan, "Here you go, man" Steve says before dropping the camera right in front of him.

The group laughs and Jonathan looks at the ground where his broken camera lies.

"Come on, let's go." Steve says, brushing past everybody, "The game's about to start."

"Boo." Tommy says in Jonathan's face as he walks away.

Carol then rips the pictures in her hands and drops them on the ground with a gasp, "Bye." She says before strutting away.

I glance at the boy with a hurt look in my eyes. Quickly shoving pieces of the photo Jonathan took of Steve and me into my backpack. I look at Nancy who seems to want a moment with Jonathan alone and I rush to Steve's side.

"Why did you do that?" I whisper when I approach Steve.

"I... He was stalking us, (Y/n)." He says catching a glimpse of my distraught face. "I couldn't just do nothing."

"But breaking his camera, Steve?" I say gesturing back to Jonathan, "That was pretty low, even for you." I point at his chest.

"Even for me?" Steve repeats, offended, "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Henderson?"

"You know exactly what, Harrington." I glare at the boy before turning and walking away.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Steve yells, frustrated.

I throw my middle finger up, fighting angry tears, and continue on my course.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

Nancy called shortly after I returned home from school. I found it odd because I assumed she would be at the game with Steve. Still, she said she needed my help so I reluctantly agreed to walk to Steve's house, in search of our missing friend, Barb.

"Holy shit, is that her car?" I say spotting a familiar blue vehicle.

"Oh my god." Nancy says, worriedly as we walk up to Barb's car and look in the windows, "Why is it still here?"

"I don't know..." I say before walking away, gesturing for Nancy to follow.

I successfully sneak Nancy and I through the back gate of Steve's house, which I know too well. And we continue our search for Barb.

"Barb?" Nancy yells.

"Barb?" I shout as well.

There's a crunching sound that emerges from the woods grabbing both Nancy and I'd attention. We walk into the trees and I feel a tingle down my spine.

This doesn’t feel right.

"Barb?" Nancy calls out again hoping to find our friend.

There's another crunching sound.

"Barb?" I yell.

A dark figure suddenly charges past us, vanishing into thin air.

That definitely wasn't Barb.

Nancy let's out a startled gasp before tripping on an unseen object and toppling to the ground.

"C'mon, let's get out of here." I say, helping the girl up before we both run away.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

I sit peacefully in my bed, the quietness of the night surrounding me. Suddenly a loud ringing emits from the living room. Knowing exactly who's calling, I stomp over to the phone picking up angrily.

"Hey (Y/n). Look, I'm really so—" Steve attempts to apologize.

"Jesus christ, Steve, I really don't want to talk to you right now!" I yell before slamming the phone back on the wall.

I sigh, frustrated, before running a hand down my face and trudge back to my room. But before I can make it, I hear the front door open, and a noise that sounds a lot like crying.

As I'm rounding the corner, a figure appears in the dimly lit hallway before me - Dustin, wiping his eyes and making his way towards me. My mind races with concern.

"Hey bud," I say, softly bringing him into my arms, "What happened?"

"They... they found Will's body." Dustin croaks out before sobbing into my chest. I gently stroke his hair and guide him to his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind me.

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay." I say slowly tucking him into bed. "We're gonna be okay, alright?"

"Okay." Dustin replies and I kiss his forehead before I slowly make my way out of his room and to my own.

As I walk into my room a wave of grief waves over me. I slowly sink to the ground and lean my head back against my bed frame, allowing my tears to fall. I fold my knees, bringing my head rest on them before I hear taping on my window.

I walk over to the window and open it. I'm met with Steve's sad expression, "Steve?" I say, confused.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize," Steve says as he climbs through my window. "And when you hung up the phone I just..." Steve trails off, staring at tear-stained cheeks.

"Have you been crying?" He asks, concern in his voice

I look down.

"Oh, sweetheart, I didn't mean to make you cry." Steve says bringing me into his arms and gently rubbing my back.

I shake my hand against Steve's chest and he pulls back, a confused look on his face.

"Will," I let out a sob, "They found Will's body." I choke out while grabbing onto Steve's jacket and burying my head onto his chest. With my face pressed against him, my tears trickle down onto his shirt.

"(Y/n)..." Steve whispers bringing us to sit down on my bed.

Steve stays quiet, allowing me to express my grief, silently stroking my back and gradually running his hand through my hair. His motions soothe me and my breaths begin to even out. Eventually, he carefully raises my face off his chest and gently wipes my tear stained cheeks. My lips quiver and I slowly let out a shaky breath.

"I'm so sorry." I sob again once I catch a glimpse of his soaked shirt.

"Hey, hey, hey, no, look at me," Steve says, lifting my face up again, "What are you sorry for, honey?"

"I got your shirt wet." I say stupidly as I point at his shirt.

Steve chuckles lightly, making me smile at the sound.

"You don't have to be sorry for that," Steve says, taking a strand of my hair and twirling it around his finger, "You know I can always get a new one."

Steve then discards his wet shirt and draws back the soft covers of my bed, gently guiding us underneath. He wraps his arms firmly around my body, drawing me closer, providing me with warmth and comfort.

"What are you doing?" I ask Steve our faces too close. Way too close.

"Sleeping." He says closing his eyes.

"Wh—"

"Shhhh." Steve cuts me off, bringing a finger to my lips, "Go to sleep, (Y/n)."

With that, I rest my head on Steve's warm chest, closing my eyes and letting the rhythm of his breaths lull me to sleep. My tears no longer flow, bringing me well-deserved rest.

<3

next chapter . masterlist . steve harrington masterlist . taglist

thank you for reading, my darling! remember to like! reblog! and comment! i’ll give you a smooch if you do, ily! send requests to my inbox!

tags: @bitterspoons

alwaysmoncheri © ─ all rights reserved. please do not repost/translate/copy any of my work.

[sucrows]

https://www.tumblr.com/sucrows/718019701660434432/ough-the-new-crazyb-summer-collab-things-visuals

PLEASE DO IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY

(link to previous post)

alright. doing this hc style because that'd be fun. Also committing a cardinal sin in writing directly into tumblr drafts instead of a second document so lets see how this goes.

uhm "let's see how it goes" it's been almost 5 months since i typed that. writing into drafts is the easiest way to forget about something it seems! Whatever I'll answer this now

and now its been 1 full year since i received this ask and i am only now finishing it up.... not doing graphics or putting this in my masterlist or anything so have fun finding it later on.

Under cut due to length! Primarily sfw with mentions of hooking up

RINNE:

Opens up a dating app profile for the fuck of it while he's really bored, it's not really his style, he'd much rather go out and physically meet someone tbh but why not

Matches with a good amount of people but tends to get bored of conversation with his matches realllly quickly. If he is vibing with someone though he's also really quick to invite them out to a bar or something

If you manage to catch his attention. and you accept his invitation, expect to be dragged around for a whole night of shenanigans

His ideal date is getting lunch, walking around until dark, getting tipsy, then bar hopping. He gets his duties done earlier on in the day so that he can spend the rest of the day with you.

If he ends up not liking you of course, he's not going to spend any more time with you than he has to. He comes up with some random excuse that you both know is bullshit and if you question him, he's not afraid to just tell you with no sugar coating that he's not into you

He'll be flirty and suggestive but he'll probably hold off on actually initiating anything until you either ask him to or make the first move yourself. He doesn't have something against some casual fun. He doesn't really have anywhere to take you back to thought so unless you have your own place, then an alleyway it is

He might actually treat you to a meal as thanks afterwards and just chill with you. After you get up to any kind of fun he's actually pretty calm afterwards.

He won't block you afterwards even if he wasn't really a fan of you. He'll still might hit you up again when he's bored as long as you weren't an explicitly bad lay. There's definitely potential to go from fwbs to lovers with him

Spend enough time with him and then one day he'll just show up and announce you're dating and from then on you'd be stuck with him lol

HIMERU:

So this either goes one of two ways. Either someone else signs him up for a dating app and secures him a date and he gets guilted into now leaving the person hanging OR when out of town he posts a profile with no images of his face just his body to get laid.

In the first scenario, he does his best to seem polite but ultimately disinterested. If you somehow manage to charm him and he has a good time, he'll be pretty conflicted.

He knows it's a really bad idea, but he won't be able to stop thinking about you. He might try to ghost you for a bit in hopes it'll smother whatever interest he had, but it probably doesn't work.

Either he caves when you message him after a good few days or he caves after a week and comes up with some excuse for not responding. From there it's complicated. He's very secretive and honestly it's a red flag but hey if you ignore it that's on you.

If it seems like you can't handle the way he keeps you at an arms-length for a while or that you might be a threat somehow, he will leave you. Most likely via sending a breakup text and then immediately blocking your number.

If we're talking about the second scenario though? His profile is just a pure thirst trap and he swipes on any person who seems like they'd be down for a no strings attached fuck. He's super quick to unmatch or block people if they give him the wrong vibes.

If you fit his criteria and seem like a good fit? He'll invite you to a hotel and spend a few hours with you. After it's all over he'll probably order some food for you both and stay with you until you fall asleep, then he runs off before you wake up.

Depending on how much he liked you and how trustworthy you seemed, he might thank you and promise to text you the next time he's in town orrrr he might also send a goodbye text then block you.

potential for FWB to lovers? would have to really be a slowburn but the potential is there.

NIKI

Ok so Niki is quite busy with his day-to-day life and I can't really see him going out of his way to set up a dating app account. He's another one who probably gets into this from someone else either making him an account or someone else convinces him to do so.

He's pretty liberal with his swiping. He doesn't exactly have a specific goal in mind while he's doing it so he kinda just goes for the ones whose bio makes it seem like they'd get along with him

He's pretty down to go out for a meal with most people relatively quickly but it might take him a bit longer for him to invite somebody out. When he does decide he likes someone enough to invite them out, he's honestly pretty likely to invite them to cafe cinnamon for a treat.

Niki's genuinely a friendly guy and seeks to know someone as a person and a friend before he makes any romantic or sexual moves on anyone. This doesn't mean he wouldn't reciprocate if someone else made the first move though.

If you make a pass at him, he's generally speaking down pretty quickly. Maybe not first date level quickly, but still pretty quickly. He's not really easily embarrassed or a prude by any means so if he likes someone as a person well enough, he doesn't see why not to enjoy himself.

He'll take you back to his place or go with you to yours without much fuss. After you guys have fun, he'll probably try to make some food or raid your kitchen for snacks. He has to feed himself first because of his condition, but he'll always feed you too.

I imagine he's probably bad at reaching out to people first to make plans and often loses track of how long it's been since he last talked to someone, but don't mistake that for disinterest! he's pretty non judgemental and as long as you weren't explicitly an ass, he's very likely to give you a second date.

[heartfullofleeches]

Can we get more content for liu in her true form? 👀

The clock strikes eight as you sit alone in the dining room; the meal you prepared hours before now as cold as the chill wafting through the open window. Coming up on your first year as a pair, you made dinner to celebrate your partner's return from her bi-monthly trip out of town. She never told you much about it, other than saying it was a tradion started when she was young and she wasn't quite ready for you to tag along just yet.

The idea popped into mind the night before she left. With her occupation as a butcher, and a fear of you going hungry, Liu would bring you a case of fresh meats along with other food to stock up your fridge. It got to the point that by now your freezer was stocked with enough food to last a few winters, and you had to do something with it all before her next visit.

Your hard work lies across the dinner table, untouched aside from a couple bites taken here and there to combat your own hunger. You check the time agian. There wasn't a set time that she returned, but by now you would've normally seen a text goodnight followed by a request to join for her lunch the next day. You couldn't really say she was keeping you waiting, since this was surprise visit afterall.

Picking up your diluted drink, a loud crash from outside causes you to spill it as you go to take a sip. "Shit."

You grab a towel from the kitchen and stand over by the mirror near the back door as you clean yourself to the best of your control. Fortunately there were no stains, but the front of your shirt was thoroughly soaked. You could probably find something to wear in Liu's closet, however there was still the matter of what was that sound you heard outside. Looking at the back door, the room feels chiller than before. Had... that door always been open?

Turning back to the mirror, you watch the shadows slither around you to form a pair of arms that lock around your neck, a hand over your mouth.

"Shhhhh."

The figure's body is warm. So hot that you can feel your shirt drying beneath its grip. Its skin is a deep red and twisted; like blood stained roots. It face is smooth, yet you can feel its breath on your skin and see its glare. It stares at you through slitted, silver eyes; the iris of its left torn and blackness of its pupil bleeding through. If that weren't enough for you to tell the creature's identity, a locket hangs around its neck - the matching pair to one she bought you weeks ago."

"L...Liu?"

"Don't." She draws out. Her voice is raspy, like her lips hadn't touched a glass of water in years. "Don't call me that. Not now. It's Lucille."

You place your hand over hers, feeling its texture. "What are you?"

"Still don't know. Why are you here?"

"I made dinner. Wanted to surprise you for your return home."

Her head turns towards the table. She rubs her cheek against the back of your neck. "Smells nice. You do too."

Her grip on you tightens. You feel something wet drag over your skin before she lifts her head again. "You... don't listen do you? I've told you before not to come unless I asked. Now you see why... I can't think much like this, but- I'm glad you're here. That you haven't pushed me away even though I'm.. this."

Liu wraps a finger around one of yours, pointed edge poking your skin as she runs it over your knuckle. "You're warm. I know I am too, but sometimes I still feel so cold. You remind me that I'm warm; flesh. I've.. done terrible things. For myself, and for you. Stay- I'll be Liu.. I'll be human again in the morning so all I ask is for you to stay, and allow our love to devour you for one night."

[oceanlue]

hey! if it's alright, could i get the yv boys with a s/o who's obsessed with their hands

Sure also ⚠️ lime

💗Alphonse🧁🍭

He loves that you are obsessed with his hands I mean every time when you guys chill out together basically all the time you just play with his hands whether it be in your hair on your back rubbing it up back and forth to soothe you into a nice sleep or just have your hands in his

He loves the fact that you can't get enough of his hands especially when he just boops you on the nose

But when you guys are alone in the bedroom he loves to use his hands

"Damn boo if you really loved my hands that much then could have done this a lot more sooner if you would just say you like my hands"

Whether that be slowly sliding down your sides for mainly going to town on your lower region and not stopping

He loves the fact that you love his hands so give him extra love and he'll do a little bit more than what he's doing right now

🧡Seth🏕🍂

Seth doesn't mind if you love his hands or not His Hands went through a lot of things in life like beating up people chopping up wood building campfires in the woods and a whole lot of other stuff

If you love his hands he'll just let you hold them and as you keep on feeling up his hands his palms and his fingers maybe give him a little pedicure too if you're feeling it

You also like it when you guys are doing that Devil's Tango that he likes to smack that cake of yours until it's red velvet and maybe after that he'll spread some icing on it~

"Now now sugar if you behave like this then ima take my hands away....no....you really like my hands that much~, well then I won't stop until you tell me"

Even though after a fight with someone you'll always kiss his knuckles so he knows that he's been taking care of.

💚Finn🪴🌻

He knows you love his hands and he's shy about it

He won't say it but i think he likes how you love his hands, like he get all flustered and immediately start to mumble phrases that he will probably say

Only on days where are he is feeling bold enough he will grab your rest with his hands and pin you to the table and as he reaches down to make a mess of you he'll start to swirl the batter and make sure everything is in the right place

"Orchid everything that led up to this. I knew you loved my hands but this is a bit too much for you don't worry my beloved I'll go easy on you"

But he loves to hold your face with his hands so he can look at you

He loves how you love his hands

❤Auron☕⌚

On that night when he took you out to that VIP place to escape he knew right there and then that you loved his hands especially when they were bruised and you can start loving on him because of it give him all the attention he deserves people

Every time when he has a chance between you or when you two are alone either when it's at work lunch time in his office or at home you will play with his hands whether it be just drawing circle patterns or holding his hands no matter where you two are his hands are going to be on you

And he is very smooth when it comes to his hands since his hands have done a lot of work about the Blood Sweat and Tears on all the pleasure that was on there he's going to give you a little taste of it too

"Well rookie if I didn't know any better I would say that you love the way my hands work you know if you keep on begging for me like this I might give you more but you're going to have to convince me my little pet~"

I think you're going to lose your walking privileges for a week good luck with that

_____________

Hope you like it

Peace out

💙💙💙

[rainintheevening]

Oh boy, seven characters. Let's see...

Anakin Skywalker

Edward Elric

Sam Wilson

Gandalf

Sherlock Holmes

Peter Parker

Luna Lovegood

This ask game.

1. Sam. I'd go grocery shopping with Sam. Simple, fun, and he'd tell me about all kinds of stuff he'd cooked, and what dishes I should try making. He'd know how to shop on shoestring too. Nice guy, good person to help make decisions on what to buy.

2. Having Gandalf over for lunch is sketchy, because you can't be sure if it's just going to be him, or if others will show up uninvited. But that would just add excitement to the party, I suppose. I would want to lay out a good spread, but he’d have to bring his own pipeweed. He's a story teller, so lunch would give him plenty of time to spin me a tale of great deeds and small comforts and friendly jokes. Have lunch with a wizard grandpa? Definitely.

3. Peter would be lovely to have coffee with. Or hot chocolate, whatever he wanted. I'd also invite Ned, of course. I'd take them to Tim Horton's and let him fill up on doughnuts (enhanced metabolism, and all that), and whatever they wanted to try. We'd talk Star Wars and science, and people watch. It would be fun. I would probably attempt to deliver some elder-sister wisdom. And I'd give that boy the biggest hug goodbye.

4. Luna would be a wonderful person to go thrifting with. She'd see potential in every little knickknack and peice of clothing. She'd be hilarious, and offer wonderful fashion advice, which I suspect would work out more often than not. We could make up all kinds of silly stories about the people who might have ownes things, or what certain oddments might have been used for. It would be grand fun.

5. I think going to a museum/gallery with Sherlock would be amazing. He would spit out the most random facts about stuff, and then he'd have those one or two exhibits that would capture his attention and he'd spend at least an hour staring at. He might be a bit rude sometimes, but I think I'd be chill with it. I would probably be intimidated by him at first, but then if something exciting happened, and there was some sort of case to solve, I would totally be able to keep up with him. I think it could be a very enjoyable day.

6. Ed could be fun to go to a bookstore with. He loves books, reading, study. If he was in my town, I would take him to Sunrise Books, and he would probably get lost in there for hours. He would find some ancient tomes about alchemy (I suspect that there actually are a few of those in that bookstore). I would probably be the one dragging him out at closing time. I feel like he might also pay for my books too.

7. For plus-one at a wedding, I would absolutely want Anakin. We would have a great time. He would be a fantastic dance partner, and I would jibe back at his darker jokes with my own. Depending on how well we knew everyone, we would probably have 'our corner', where we'd stash some snacks and drinks, and come back when we needed some quiet. We're both extroverts, but Anakin’s a reserved one, so I'd pull him into conversations and games. If there was a little karaoke, I'd beg him to sing, and he'd probably say, "I'll do it if you will," so we'd go up and give a great performance of 'Firework', except our giggling would spoil it. Anakin would likely get into a big argument with someone about politics or sports, and I'd have to break that up. We'd do some people watching, listen to the music, enjoy the food, and I would probably doze off on his shoulder. (We'd probably go joy-riding after, and not get home till 2 am or something, if we didn't crash our vehicle/s.) Yeah, I think Anakin and I would be great friends. (Though if we were padawans together we would be trouble!)

Okay, hun, now you need to do these characters back to me!!

[avvy-lavvy]

The Photographer female!oc x Tom Kaulitz

Chapter 2 -The Beach-

Bill couldn't help but laugh "We wanted to surprise you as a welcome to the chaos gift. We kind of just hoped and prayed you like the beach." Prue couldn't help but smile. "Of course I like the beach! I actually love it!"

Tom grinned. "So I get a girl to make out with in the water?" The others gagged while Prue laughed. "Sure. If you can catch me."

The girl spoke before making a run for it as she kicked her shoes off. "Catch me if you can lover boy!" Tom was caught off guard but he quickly kicked his shoes off before he ran after her.

"You're quick despite your short legs!" He yelled towards her as she laughed running from him. "What can I say I'm prepared!" The girl spoke as she bobbed and weaved through some people and over towels. Prue finally tripped up and almost fell but Tom snatched her from her waist. "Got you!"

"No fair! I tripped!" Tom chuckles a bit. "Life isn't fair P. It's brutal. Sooooo I win!" Prue laughs and rolls her eyes. "Fine just this once, only cause I'm curious to know what you mean by make out in the water."

"Go get changed and I'll show you." He grinned like a child and Prue chuckled, going to her van to change.

Once she was back Tom picked her up throwing her over his shoulder without warning. "HEY-" She kicked around a bit trying to get out of his grasp but quickly realized she didn't want to eat sand.

"Don't worry, I won't drop you!" He ran to the water till he was about waist high. He carefully adjusted how he was holding Prue as he spoke. "Hold on and wrap your legs around me."

He was so gentle as he moved her, she did as asked and spoke to him. "You better not dunk me in the water." He couldn't help but laugh. "I did this to make out with a pretty girl, not drown her. I promise."

"Then start kissing. I'm getting impatient." Prue locked eyes with him as she spoke, that's when Tom locked their lips together. The two let themselves enjoy the session, their lips moved in sync. A couple "mm" and hum's coming from the two here and there. Tom let one arm rest around her waist while the other held her up under her butt.

Both of Prue's arms rested around Tom's neck while one of her hands messed with his hair.

The two just chilled like that for a while until they heard one of the band members yelling for them, Georg. "LOVE BIRDS IT'S LUNCH TIME!"

They slowly pulled back and Tom yelled to Georg. "We'll be over in a second!" He carefully made it way back to the sand. Gently setting Prue down once they were in it. After that they made their way to the others for lunch.

"There were people taking pictures of you." Bill spoke as he handed them plates of food.

"Yea I know, it's why I carried her and walked a specific way. I didn't know if she wanted her face public or not." He felt no one should be forced into the public eye, especially anyone working for or with the band.

"Thanks...means a lot cause I truly would like to avoid the public eye at least for now that is." He actually cared and that meant everything to her. He's more than a fuck boy. She knows it, she can feel it. Despite loving to take pictures she isn't one to be in them. Especially if they'd be public.

"I also don't want people from my hometown seeing me public yet. I didn't necessarily tell them I was leaving so they easily could send the police to retrieve me until I turn 18."

"....Tom. You're fucking a runaway." Bill spoke and Prue laughed nervously.

"In my defense I just wanted to travel. Living in a small town in Kentucky wasn't going to get me far. I like traveling and being able to fulfill my dream of being a photographer. I'm working for you guys and I'm not even 21. That's a BIG accomplishment. I'm proud of myself."

Tom couldn't help but smile, seeing her talk about her dreams and how they're coming true. "If you happen to be found we'll talk to them. Try and get your folks to understand. But that's probably a big IF we might not even cross paths with."

Prue smiles at Tom and the band as they all agreed with him. She hadn't even been there a week and they're already the family she never had.

The five sat talking and laughing for another hour or so as they ate. They truly got to know each other and found themselves saying things they'd never thought they'd say.

"Gotta know, is he actually good in bed or does he just brag?" One asked Prue and she makes eye contact with Tom as she answers.

"He's the best I've had but I'm sure there's better." She grins as she leans back in her seat.

He raised a brow as he responded back. "Give it another couple nights. We'll know each other's bodies plenty more." He spoke confidently as he leaned back and played with his piercing some.

Gustav finally spoke up. "Alright change subject I don't want to hear the deets"

They all laughed and got back to talking, even showing weird talents they have.

Eventually Tom dragged Prue back to the water; however instead of making out with him, she splashed him without warning. "Hey! Not fair, I wasn't looking!"

"Oops-" she gets surprised when he swam up under her and grabbed her ankle before he yanked her under water with him. Once they both surface again he grins. "You played dirty so I did the same~" he spoke as he moved his hands in a wave motion towards her.

She glared at him and attempted to tackle him but failed due to a few reasons. One of which being her size. "Oh really now?" Tom spoke as he lifted her up over his shoulder. She let out a small squeal as he tossed her into the water.

They all didn't head to the van until it was dark. Prue was shivering at that point. Without saying anything Tom wraps his towel around her. "I CALL DRIVING!" Tom grabbed Prue's keys before he dashed to the car.

"WELL I CALL SHOTGUN!" Prue yelled as she followed behind Tom before getting in the passenger side. The others got in the back while Prue turned on the radio.

They all sang along to the radio laughing and dancing in their seats as they screamed along. The drive back to the hotel was about an hour. They all stumbled inside as they laughed and joked around. "HEY- I'M NOT THAT SHORT-"

Bill dramatically gasped as he laughed. "She's got attitude! But believe what you want, pipsqueak." Prue glared at him as she spoke. "You're just a fucking giraffe-" She wasn't wrong, all the boys were just tall in general especially compared to her.

Eventually they're all to their respective rooms. Prue started to change out of her beach wear throwing on the shirt Tom let her wear the night before. "Like me that much?" He raised a brow towards the girl and her face went red.

"I- what- I'm just putting it on cause I'm tired and it's right here." she spoke as she took her shirt off followed by her shorts before she slipped into Tom's shirt. "Besides. I think you secretly like seeing me in your shirt." She grinned at the boy as she sat down.

"Who said it was a secret?" He asked the girl as he sat by her, he carefully pulled her onto his lap so she was straddled across him. He moved a piece of hair behind her ear. "I can happily admit you wearing my shirt is attractive. But maybe I'm biased, I just think you're cute." He spoke before he placed a tender kiss on her lower neck.

Prue felt his lips hum against her skin causing her to close her eyes. "See, now I can't really say anything. I enjoy being called pretty by you. It feels nice." She lifted his head just slightly before she kissed him softly. "However it's not getting you laid tonight." She carefully gets off his lap before laying down, leaving the boy wanting more.

"I- ok fair. You really got me good with that, going along then cutting me off." He laughed as he laid down by her carefully. Even if he ate her alive every time he looked at her he still respected her not wanting to sleep with him that night. Even if he continued to make jokes about it.

"But I will happily steal your warmth." Without warning she puts her bare hands on his chest, her hands were ice cold and that caught Tom off guard. He let out a squeal sounding a little bit like a girl.

"WOAH HEY- COLD- warn me next time, Jesus lady." Tom spoke as Prue just grinned. "You're the one who wanted me to stay here with you. Soooo accept my cold or no?"

He squinted his eyes at her before wrapping his arms around her. It mice despite also feeling weird. They aren't in a relationship or even plan to be. Yet they just naturally act like a couple. Tom knew there was no way he loved, not yet at least. So he let himself settle for just thinking he had a crush, that might turn into love one day.

Prue had a similar thought to it. Just a crush, not dating but might fall in love one day. There's no way to see the future so she decided to just live in the present. 'I'll cross that bridge when I come to it' she thought to herself as she got comfortable with Tom.

The two just lay together eventually starting to talk. "So what do all your tattoos mean?" Tom asked the girl, curious to know the answer.

"I'll tell you about the one on my finger. It was a matching tattoo with my twin brother Hiro. Both of my tattoos were technically matching with him." Tom looked at her for a moment. "Was?"

"He died on our 16th birthday. The day after that I left. It has permanently broken me but I'm slowly becoming myself again. I actually started photography because of him."

"Can I know that story?" Tom asked as he just listened to the girl as she nodded. "Sure, started with a picture I took when we were 12. He told me it'd be good with it, however much like myself disliked being on camera so after he died there weren't many pictures of him. So I started photographing everything, I want these memories to look back on through visual aids. As I travel and move thing to thing."

Tom smiled softly at Prue. "That's both a sweet and sad story. I'm sorry you had to go through losing your brother." He planted a small kiss on her head. "We should get some rest. I'm sure we'll need it for tomorrow since we actually have a ton of interviews."

Prue nodded before she rolled over, allowing herself to drift off to sleep for the night alongside Tom.

||Author’s note: if these get any traction I’ll post the next chapter.||

[annieintheaair]

Love didn't hurt you, somebody who didn't know how to did.

One of my coworkers started calling me "Annie the Bright". She thought it would be fun to come up with Viking names for everyone and she settled on that one for me. Last night, she messaged me with this image:

I was so touched by her sending that because it made me realize how people see me at work. Even on my worst days, I do my best to bring the light to work. I think sometimes that's what I like about going to work-- getting to be this person that I don't get to be all of the time.

My job has taught me a lot about faking happiness even when I'm not. I've had so many days at work where I want to cry and I've somehow managed to hold it all together and spread happiness amongst my coworkers and passengers. Sometimes, faking happiness actually makes you feel happier.

Last night I went to dinner with my sister and her family for my niece, Lucy's birthday. By the time I got home, I was ready for a glass of wine so I took a shower, put on my pajamas, and then watched TV and drank wine until around 11pm. I always feel like I should go to bed early on the nights when I'm home but then I can't and it's probably better that I don't so I can stay on schedule when I'm at work.

This morning I had a quick meeting with my coworker for my side job and then got some work done before running errands around town. I had been craving a poké bowl all weekend so I finally made it to the poké place to pick up one for lunch.

It has been a pretty chill afternoon, watching TV, and working, and I even squeezed in a nap. After a few nights off, I go back to flying tonight but only for one night before May kicks off with lots of trips.

I've had a lot of time lately to focus on things that are important to me and think about my life goals. I've done a lot of reflecting, too. I was thinking the other day about how sometimes we want answers. We want to know the truth about everything because we feel like if we know, we can learn. While I was able to get closure from Dan exactly two years ago today, sometimes closure comes in other forms.

There will be people in your life who will hurt you and then think it's not enough and try to hurt you even more. For years, I wanted to know the truth about James and why he left the way he did. The reality is, I'm certain that he cheated on me and was too much of a coward to admit it so he ran away and disappeared instead of actually facing the consequences of his actions. I tried to ask him last week and the silence I received in return was a confirmation of everything I had suspected. I don't think he wants to hurt me anymore and is afraid that the truth will hurt me all over again. Maybe, it's best that I don't hear it from him. I thought about wishing him a happy birthday today but then decided against it.

In my 34, almost 35 years, I know what love is. I think a lot of people think they know but they really don't. Maybe not knowing isn't entirely their fault. Maybe they didn't grow up ever feeling like anyone loved them or always kept their distance to prevent themselves from feeling anything. Maybe Todd thought he loved me but actually didn't because he didn't know what it was.

Love is a choice and it's unconditional. Despite everything Dan and I went through over the years, even long after we had broken up, I never stopped loving him. He knew everything about me and loved me anyway and I felt the same about him. I know he meant it when he said it. He grew up with kind, amazing parents. When he passed away, I wrote a letter to his parents and his mom wrote back to me. I'll probably keep that letter forever. It feels like the last string left holding me to him. In my letter to them, I told them that I always loved him, which was the truth. Regardless of everything, part of me would always love him, even if just as an old friend.

I actually feel sorry for people like Todd who may never know what love really is or how to make a relationship work. Even though I'm angry and honestly kind of ashamed and embarrassed that I ever wasted my time with him, I do feel bad for him. I tried to love someone who could never love me back because they simply didn't know how to. I think that's my weakness sometimes -- wanting so badly to show others love so that they can experience it, too. I desperately wanted him to know what it meant to love someone and for once in his life, experience the feeling of being loved.

Right now, I'm enjoying this time to myself, free from a relationship, where I can just be me and do anything I want to do, without having to consult someone else. Maybe, in the future someday, I'll meet someone who knows what love is and can give it back to me the same way I've always given it to others.

xoxo

Annie

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - Sweet Suite

*Warning Adult Content*

Emmett

A suite... sure... try the fanciest suite in town.

"Are you kidding me?" I ask as we go in.

There's a kitchen, and entire living room with huge double doors looking over the water, a balcony, and of course an amazing bedroom and bathroom.

"There wasn't much available, Emmett."

I'm not sure whether he means he wanted a nicer place or one a little bit more normal and I'm afraid to ask.

Instead I go out onto the balcony and that's when I lose my damn mind.

'Seriously? How? Huh?'

Is that a jacuzzi?

I walk out onto the deck because it's too damn big to be a balcony even if we are on the top floor and look at the view.

Only random vowels come out of my mouth so I give up and plop onto the lounge chair.

"I'll sleep out here, you can have the rest of the room."

I tell Finnegan when he sits in the chair next to me.

"Nope, not happening but we can lay out here all afternoon if you really want to."

"I want. Very much."

A nap is calling my name but I'm also starving.

"Need some food first."

"I'll get the menu."

Hot damn, we don't even have to leave this room.

Honestly, I don't feel the need to but I will take Finnegan to the beach if he wants to go.

Maybe we'll go out for dinner afterwards.

Whatever he wants, I'm really here for the ride.

This is what he wanted and needs and I'm gonna let him lead.

"I want a cheese plate and their house salad, please."

He holds the menu out to me and I take it but I only understand about three quarters of the words.

'What's an aoili? A tapenade?'

Well, it's hard to ruin crab cakes so I'm gonna order them anyway.

He's inside unpacking when I finish the call.

"Twenty minutes, darling."

"Great, thank you."

He looks a little bit lost or overwhelmed and I am too but I'm sure it's for different reasons.

He decides to try out the bed and lies down.

"Oh nice, this will do."

"Want a nap? You can get one after you eat and then we can do whatever you want."

"That sounds really good but I think I'll make some coffee instead. I don't want to sleep the weekend away."

Coffee it is.

There's a fancy Keurig type machine here so two cups of coffee is easy.

I pour mine over ice and sip it until lunch arrives.

Apparently those fancy things are a sauce and some sort of spread.

I'm not sure which is which but they're both delicious on my crab cakes.

Finnegan has been quiet but I'm not pushing the conversation because he may just need time to decompress.

I really don't know what's best at this point.

"I know you want to chill on the deck but can we go to the beach later? At least for a walk?"

"Of course darling, we can go now. We can swim, build a castle, whatever."

"But the deck?"

"It'll be here when we get back." 

Might be a good way to spend an hour or two after dinner.

"Thanks Emmett. I appreciate you coming with me, especially last minute. Work is just... Well I don't want to think about it until Monday. I feel like everything is going wrong since we left here two weeks ago and maybe part of me thinks it'll be better now that we're back."

I've felt that way too but he had a much harder time with the burglary than I did and I don't want to imagine what's going on at work.

I tell myself that it can't be too bad or he wouldn't be able get away.

I have no doubt he's busy but nothing is on fire and that's probably as good as it'll get for a while longer.

"I'm going to change."

That's when I realize that I didn't answer him.

"Finnegan? Sorry, I was in dream land. Things back in Baltimore will get better but I understand what you mean, this is a safe space for you and heck, for me too a little bit and I'm glad we're back."

I give him a minute but I need to change too and it's nothing I haven't seen before.

He's standing in front of the dresser holding his rainbow trunks in one hand and his sharks in the other.

I hate that I feel so awkward.

Am I allowed to say anything?

To help him decide?

He tosses the sharks down, then picks them back up again.

"I'm being ridiculous. This is not an important decision."

He puts them both on top of the dresser, spins them around and mixes them up and then picks one.

Ah, his eyes are closed.

He's so funny.

"Rainbow it is."

"Never a bad choice in Rehoboth."

We have matching red trunks that we bought last time and I put mine on. 

They're a bit shorter than I would usually choose but Finnegan had been fairly insistent.

"Damn, those are nice on you, Emmett."

"Thanks. I'm glad you approve. We need to get you some sunscreen. I brought the sand toys, should we bring them?"

"You did?"

"Of course. Is that a 'yes'?" 

Finally, a smile.

A quick nod and then he's off, dashing into the living room.

It's taking him longer than I expected but I'm pretty sure that 'Little Finn's going to make an appearance. 

Maybe we can have a lesson tonight, it's been awhile. 

Damn, that sounds really good. 

Really really good. 

I think I need to be in 'Dom-mode' as much as he needs to be 'Little Finn'.

God I'm turned on, maybe he'll be willing to get off before we head out. 

I want to tell him to come suck my cock but we're not there right now. 

I also don't want to ask because treating him like Finnegan is gonna hold him back. 

I take a deep breath and blow it slowly out of my mouth. 

Watching him prance around in just shorts all afternoon is going to kill me... Kill.

"Emmett?"

"Yeah darling?"

"You okay?"

Him noticing sort of jolts me out of my head and I walk over and grab my backpack. 

"Of course. You ready?"

"Yeah."

He takes my hand as soon as we're in the hallway and I give his a squeeze. 

"We have to buy some sunscreen first and then we'll hit the beach, okay?"

"I know, stupid sun. Can we hurry?"

"It won't take long, I'm sure the hotel gift shop has some." 

As fancy as this place is, we could probably request someone spritz us. 

"Okay."

It's going to be okay. 

This is just what we needed.

[imactinglikeanamateur]

So I've got a Christmas lunch tomorrow (early since some of the family are travelling for christmas) and it's the first extended family get together since ive come out. I came out to most of them a few months back, but some I only told over text this week, and only about my new name, not about being transgender. So I have very little idea how some have taken it, and they haven't had long to get used to it.

So basically I'm terrified. I spent most of yesterday feeling sick in the stomach, though that probably also had to do with my assignment which was due last night. At least I finished that, so now it's just the Christmas gatho.

But I'm literally shaking. Feeling less nauseous, thank god, but I'm genuinely scared.

Not that there's gonna be a big scene or anything, I feel like my family are too chill for that. Just general anxiety. Fear that it'll be awkward, fear that people will ask questions, fear of being perceived. Even on a good day i find these gathos tedious, socially draining and a but boring, but now there's an added fear factor.

I kinda don't want to go. But I do want to HAVE gone if that makes sense? I know if I power through and do it, it'll be less awkward every day after. Plus I won't have to worry every time grandparents are in town that I'll catch them in fem mode. But none of that stops the fear.

Anxiety sucks. IBS sucks cause it just adds nausea to the regular anxiety. Not knowing for sure if my own family are transphobic or homophobic sucks.

I'll probably still do it, but I'm fighting for my fuckin life here.

[calyxaomphalos]

The Ghosts of Windy Ridge

Turn #109, one component

neighbor #10 - Pastor Mitchelson (4)

28 April 2022, Thursday Morning

I awoke early on Thursday. There were only three more days left on my rental contract for this cabin, so I had to start thinking about packing up and being ready to head out by Saturday, probably mid-day.

As was my custom, I did my morning coffee in honor of Ergediel, with extra special thanks for appearing to Stan with that message from Mo. I guess Ergediel had forgiven me for breaking into Foras' Lair a couple weeks ago, despite directly ignoring their advice. I hadn't touched the book I'd stolen from the lair since that day. It was just a thing I've been keeping around as a potential anchor for Mo's spirit, so he might have an easier time finding me.

Besides the relayed message, the other thing I'd learned from Stan at lunch yesterday was that Ergediel was known to appear for Pastor Mitchelson's congregation, at least once, it would seem. I found that rather surprising as I didn't think the Pastor as the type to be summoning spirits. What turned out to be more of a surprise was the car which pulled into the cabin's driveway and seeing Pastor Dick himself getting out and coming to the door.

While I hadn't gotten dressed to face the outside world, I was at least decent in a giant oversized tee shirt, sweatpants, fuzzy slippers and a light crocheted shawl for the morning chill. I opened the front door and called out what I hoped sounded like a cheerful, "Good morning!"

"Ah, Ms Dyer, still with us, I see," he said. "Your time in Windy Ridge is almost at a close if I recall your intentions correctly."

"Yes, yes. I'll be leaving Saturday afternoon. I've made good progress here and have nearly all of my answers. Is there anything specific I can do for you this morning?" I stopped short of inviting him in for coffee. Whatever business he came here for could be conducted from the front porch as far as I was concerned.

"There is indeed. Last week at the gathering, you showed me a photograph of a ring you had found on the perimeter of Mr. Zmijewski's property down the road here. I would like to return it to its proper owner, assuming you have not already sleuthed that out for yourself."

"Ah, of course. Thank you. It will be nice to have that loose end tied up before I leave town. Excuse me a moment while I go inside and get it."

"Of course," he replied, though I could tell he had wanted me to ask him to come inside. Yeah, no, I thought to myself as I closed the door behind me with the Pastor on the outside. Thankfully, I'd left the ring in an obvious place, so it took mere seconds to grab it and pop back out the front door again.

"It's not Hank's, is it," I said in a deadpan tone.

To his credit, Pastor Dick chuckled and then said, "No, it belongs to Mrs. Spafford, young Quentin's mother. Have you met them?"

"Only the one time, briefly." I handed the ring over to the Pastor. "Please give her my regards."

[weird-is-life]

When night falls, I am your escape #3

Summary: After avoiding her home town for a long time because of the boy who broke her heart. Y/N goes home to spend the longest time there in 15 years. The problem is that he is home, too. Daniel wants to reconnect with her, but she wants nothing more than to just avoid him.

Warnings: language

Chapters: 3/12

Words: 2.6k Masterlist

(English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes)

The week after Christmas went by really fast. I didn't even realise it until i saw that it was like 2 days to New Year. I guessed time goes fast when you are having fun and I had lots of fun. Two days after the Christmas Eve, me and my parents went on two days long road trip around Perth. It was a blast, we went to and saw so many beautiful places in Perth that i didn't even know existed. And i got to spent even more time with my parents so it was awesome.

When we got back home i spent most of the time surfing with my friend Mark. He was probably the only friend i had here, because most of my previous friends were also friends with Daniel so I kind of ignored them, too. So yeah,in conclusion he was definitely the only friend i had here.

I met him like five years ago in a surf shop. I just started getting into the surfing and i wanted to buy a surf. Mark was at the shop and helped me pick the best surf and we kind of hit it off. Later i learnt that he actually owned the shop. We've been very good mates ever since. I could swear that he was the most chilled person you'd ever meet on this planet and really fun to be around, too.

It was the last day of the year so what would be better than going surfing . I woke up later than usual so I just ate the lunch and then I went to surf. It was really good day for surfing because the weather was nice and the waves were great, too. But then as i was getting out of the water i saw a familiar face. Fuck, no no no. Best friend of Daniel, Michael, fuck. That meant that Daniel was also out of the quarantine then, shit. He was coming my way and i didn't know where to go or what to do. So I panicked and went back to the water. I think that the people that saw me get out of the water and then quickly go back in again must have thought i was crazy.

I paddled for a few minutes, for him to go farther away so I could go home. After Daniel he was the person i avoided the most . Not because i didn't like him or anything like that, but just because he was very close to Daniel and the chance i would meet him and Daniel together was very very high.

After i couldn't spot him anywhere i got out of the water. I started to walk very quickly to my car when somebody touched my shoulder.

"Hey, i was calling after you, didn't you hear me? " let me just say i almost screamed at first because i thought it was Michael. But it was in fact just Mark.

"Oh hey sorry, i just had too much stuff on my mind i guess" i replied.

"No worries i just wanted to tell you that me and a few of my mates are going out tonight. There will be music, good food and drinks . So I wanted to know if you'd like to come?" i was about to answer him when he added " you don't have to if you don't want to, but i would be fun to have you with us, so what do you say? " he had this stupid grin on his face and i couldn't say no to that.

"Alright yeah, i'll be there" i said .

"Sweet, i will pick you up and i'll text you the detail. Okay bye for now and by the way you were killing in out there" he hugged me goodbye and left. I had this weird feeling about going but i couldn't quite pinpoint why.

Daniel's pov

Finally home, sharing a few cries and hugs with my family felt like the best thing in the world. Ahh, i missed them so freaking much. I also missed the farm, the weather but that was nothing compared to how much i missed my fam.

And as my friend said getting back home needed a proper celebration. It was also the New Year's Eve so having a drink or two was very much appropriate. Me and my mates agreed on going to see some band playing in a pub and after the midnight would hit and we would go to my place and get absolutely wasted. I mean we could get drunk at the pub but i wasn't really feeling like going out but i wanted to hang out with them after such a long time so we agreed on that.

We decided to meet there. I went on my car and the guys on their own . I wasn't really excited about going out to a public space, but it was just for a few hours, so I could live with that.

When i got there the guys were already infront of the pub waiting for me. The hugs were instantly on before i could even get out of the car and after that we went in the pub.

There weren't too much people inside but not too little either.

We sat at the table at the back and ordered some drink, non alcoholic for me and my other friend of course, we couldn't drive with alcohol in our blood.

We still got a few minutes before the band started playing and it was like 2 hours till New Year so we talked about a lot of things, since i missed so much stuff.

When the band started playing i was so in the zone, that i wasn't paying attention to anything else. Until somebody slightly hit my arm.

"No fucking way" my friend said, as he nudged my side.

"What?" i said confused and took a sip from my drink.

"What? Look to your right and then you'll understand" so I did. The result of doing that, was me choking on my drink pretty badly. It was you. I mean Michelle told me you were here but i thought you'd be already gone before New Year like you always were. It was really you, sitting a few metres infront of us.

" No way" i said really really shocked.

"Shit, i haven't seen Y/N in a fucking decade. I gotta say she looks just as good as she did when we were younger, even more prettier " he was right, you did looked gorgeous.

Y/N's pov

When Mark picked me up i was rather excited about going. He let me play the music in the car and i thought he liked my songs.

At the pub i got introduced to all his friends, they seemed cool and i also learned that the band that was playing was the one from a few weeks ago. I got really excited about that. We picked a table and i ordered a beer, i wasn't really planning on getting drunk that night .

While chatting with Mark's friends i learned that they were all surfers. I would lie if i said i was suprised. They had the surfing vibe around them.

As i was looking around i noticed some people at the table far back starting at me, they looked very familiar. When i figured out who they were, I stopped dead in my tracks. Fuck. That was the only thing on my mind. Fuck fuck fuck that couldn't be happening, him of all people being there .

The first thing that came to my mind was to run away but i couldn't just bail on Mark and his friends. The only other option was to get drunk, if we'd bump into each other tonight i wouldn't be able to do it sober. Yeah, the plan was to get drunk.

"You look like you saw a ghost" Mark said jokingly.

"I kind of did" i said still slightly shocked.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Daniel's here" he knew i hated him but didn't know why " so I think i'm gonna get wasted " as i said it, i took his shot and drowned it. Everyone at our table cheered and next thing i knew, a lot of rounds of shots were being bought. I was definitely not getting out of there sober.

But before we started drinking, i needed to go to the toilet. On my way out of there i was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see who it was and it was freaking Daniel.

"Hey" he said. Foreal? You see somebody who avoided you like a plague and you say hey, what the fuck. I wasn't going to get in meaningless conversation with him.

So I just simply turned my back to him and went back to my table. But of course, he had something else to say.

" Wait, stop please, how've you been ?" i couldn't believe he just asked me that.

"Foreal? You are asking how i've been doing ? Just leave me alone yeah? We don't need to do this shit" the only thing i wanted at that moment was for him to just fuck off.

" Sorry i just... , could we talk?" no.

"No i think i will pass, please just leave me alone, i don't want to talk to you and you know that " with that said i left and honestly i think if i didn't leave at that moment i would probably crumble . He tried to protest but i just quickly got back to the table.

My hands were freaking shaking. I didn't think that meeting him would be so hard. I didn't have time to overthink it as i was immediately being handed a shot which i was grateful for. By the end of the show i was pretty much wasted.

Daniel's pov

Trying to talk with you didn't go as i thought it would. I mean you had every right to say what you said for what i did. It was stupid to just go up to you and try to start a conversation like nothing has ever happened. Stupid fucking stupid.

With these thoughts in my head i returned to the table. I didn't say anything to the guys, just sat down. But i watched you drown one shot after another. Great... I couldn't even pay attention to what were the guys saying.

The band was almost done playing and i could see that you and your friends were drunk as fuck. It was like 10 minutes till january 1st and the count down to New Year was followed by your whole table totally loosing it when the clock showed 0:00.

After the band ended the show, all of you left. I was little concerned because you and all of your friends drank so much alcohol. But before we even got up to leave you were gone.

And because I parked the car little farther from the pub we split up and agreed to meet up at the farm.

On my way to the car i saw you and the guy you were with laughing at something you found funny. I could see that he was holiding car keys and that you were on your way to some car. Hell no. I couldn't let you get in a car this fucking drunk with another drunk person, so I went up to you.

"Hey" i didn't want to scare you two so I just said hi.

"Oh hey duuude, do we know each other?" the guy said. He wasn't drunk but he definitely had a few drinks.

"No, but i know Y/N and i wanted to know if you needed a ride home i can see you've had a few drinks" a lot of drinks.

"No, thanks, Mark can drive us" you said still stubborn as fuck even when drunk.

" Yeah i can drive" right.

"Oh come on, you clearly can't, i'll take you both home i don't want you to get hurt" there was no way that i was gonna let you get in the car with Mark.

"Ah man, you're probably right" he surprisingly agreed with me but you just stayed silent.

"Alright c'mon, my car is there" i said.

"I'm not going with you" you said. Always so stubborn, damn it.

"Y/N please just get in the car and after that i'll leave you alone forever yeah? That's what you want right, so just let me get you safely home and then i'll leave you alone" you thought it through for a second and than said nothing, just went to the car and took the front seat. I guessed that was the most you would say to me.

Once we were all in the car i asked Mark where he lived. He didn't live far from there so I'd drop him of first. The whole ride to his house was silent, i didn't even try making conversation with you. I knew it would it pointless. You didn't even look at me once during the whole ride there. Understandable.

"We are here Mark" i said.

"Ahh thanks dude, see ya, bye Y/N" he replied and slowly got out of the car.

I looked to your side and i saw you shiver . I got my hoodie off me and handed it to you.

"What?" you asked sternly.

"I can see you're cold, put this on. Come on, don't even try to say no. It's just a fucking hoodie so please put it on, i don't want you to freeze" i could see that you were really restraining yourself from being sarcastic but eventually you took the hoodie and put it on. I don't think sober you would ever even got in the car with me, let alone put my hoodie on.

You didn't say anything after that, so I just turned on the car again. I was so focused on the driving, that I didn't notice you falling asleep. When we got to your house, i woke you up. You were a little confused at first, but then you got clumsily out of the car. I waited until you got inside your house and left.

Hopefully it wasn't the last time i saw you. I left with intention to get wasted aswell.

Hiii, hope it was atleast a little good. I'll be very glad for any feedback so if you want to, you can send me an ask or something. Have a great day. Peace out :) part 4

[dumbass-mha-simp]

Elliott x GN!Reader

Your New Playlist

Kinda sad? Ig angst but not actually like, bad angst yk.

1k words

Stardew Valley

Warnings: crying, mentally beating yourself over a crush, self-sacrificing but not in a death kinda way, cussing (I think like one f word), Elliott is a theater kid you can't convince me otherwise,

I wanna do a part two, would anyone be interested? I know how much us Elliott simps want fanfiction. I'm probably gonna start on it anyway lol.

Yes I actually made this playlist smh ikik, you don't have to listen to it ofc but his aesthetic really fits my music taste, at least I feel so. I write my fanfiction as gender neutral as I can but if you ever spot any mistakes I'd love to fix it!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elliott's POV

My feet took me across the path leading to Leah's house. The gentle cotton clouds stretching their wisps across the blue sky, bright enough to blind me as though it were the sun that it surrounds. The gentle new Spring breeze froze my cheeks lightly as my eyes closed to avoid the same chill from the past winter.

Fresh Spring flowers and hidden vegetables encircled her yard as I made my way to knock against the dark wood door that always seemed thunderingly loud.

Leah peaked through the window by her door before I can see her face light up and reach for the door.

"Hey, c'mon in!" She opens the door wider to let me pass through. "How are you doing?"

"If I'm honest, a little troubled." I sigh looking forlornly to the floor.

"Come sit." Leah pulls me to her table and sits in the accompanying seat. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Leah, what does it feel like to you before you admit you fancy someone?" I look up into her listening eyes before her face changes into slight shock.

"Hmmm." She brings her hand up to her chin as she ponders. "Well, you miss being around them when they're gone. You constantly find ways to connect anything back to them, like `oh they'd love this`, or `I should check up on them.` You care about their opinion more than others and you want to learn about them, even if it's the uninteresting things."

I slide my arms down onto the table, placing my head on top of them. That sounded exactly like what's happening. I had read about it a million times, falling gently in love with a close friend. Perhaps that interest to become friends was always attraction.

"I can't get enough of Y/N." I muffled through my folded arms sighing once again as I turned my head to finally look back up at Leah, the light stinging my eyes.

"Well maybe I could help you with getting more of them?" Leah smirked as she grabbed her phone from her pocket.

I lifted my head slightly panicked. "What are you doing?" I rushed out.

"Relax, I'm not telling Y/N. But they shared something with me. They have a wide music taste yes?"

I had heard some of their music. While they made us lunch, while they partake in their hobbies, when they hum near silently late at night on the beach. I nodded back thinking of how they never seemed to be signing along to a song similar to the others. Unpredictable, and absolutely captivating.

"Well one of their tastes in music is very folk-y and they mentioned how those songs reminded them of you. So they made a playlist of songs that remind themselves of you." Leah said looking down and scrolling through her phone.

They made a playlist about me. They actively want to remember and listen to things that remind themselves of me. I feel I might faint. Was this something that was common among friends? Was this nothing more than an act of kindness? Or something they decided to do on a whim?

"Here give me your phone I'll send it to you." She holds her hand out expectantly.

I quickly go to pull out the hardly used device. I had never had much use for it but if it could bring me any step closer to Y/N I wouldn't hesitate to learn.

Leah downloaded a music app, laughing at how I had no applications. Before leaving it opened on the playlist. "The Lonely, Ocean-Accompanied, Writer." It read. I reread it a couple times to convince myself it was real. A lovely name, but is that how they see me?

"Chill out, Romeo." Leah giggled. "I can practically see you overthinking everything. Just relax and listen to the songs, maybe they'll tell you something."

I wrapped my arms around her neck, hugging her closely before leaving to listen to the playlist.

~~~

As I shut the door behind me I pressed my back against it. I've never felt so scattered before. I looked for the volume button, turning it up before hitting play.

The songs, quiet but emotional. As though you had just lie down on the grass to cry or relieve tension or reminisce. They felt like a memory I had trouble recalling.

The songs seemed to renew me, before I heard one I distinctly remembered hearing before. From high-school theater club, a time in my life that was fond to me. I do remember Y/N telling me they loved musicals, hearing them hum along to Heathers while I wrote.

A song unlike most others on this list.

"When He Sees Me" from Waitress.

~~~

Y/N's POV

"Oh, Yoba. What if when he sees me, I like him and he knows it? What if he opens up a door, And I can't close it?" I belted out the lyrics as loud as I wanted, the tears streaming down my face unwavering.

The good side to owning your own farm is you could scream along to your songs without people to complain. You had been replaying this part of the song for awhile now. He was all you could seem to think about.

Your head was swarmed with thoughts of Elliott. Some where he reciprocated your feelings and others where he shut you out. Every time you built a daydream where he loved you unconditionally you trampled it with the thoughts of his rejection.

You brought your knees up to your chest, resting your head between them as you cried.

~~~

Elliott's POV

We had had conversations about musicals, perhaps that's why they chose this song? Maybe they thought since my school had a play of Waitress that it'd fit. But I know they liked other Waitress songs, why weren't those added? Only this one.

After that song came another, "I Hear A Symphony" one I've never heard. As the song started all I could see was Y/N. I could hear them singing along, their smile, their eyes averting to mine for the thousandth time.

Y/N was my symphony.

The powerful, breathtaking ocean couldn't compare to the awkward farmer that ran across town just to give me their best sweet pea flowers and be the first thing I saw as I left my quaint cabin.

They brought the motivation and inspiration for 8 hour writing sessions, they brought me food when they knew I'd forgotten to eat between writing the book and planning on what to write next.

They were something I could never dream of losing. I wished to live the rest of my life with their support.

If telling them my feelings means I'd lose them, then I couldn't dream of making such a selfish decision.

~~~

Y/N's POV

I trudged my way into town. After last night's crying session my eyes still felt a bit dry, if I'm honest I cried when I woke up as well. The loneliness felt suffocating in such a lonely little house. But I needed some new seeds. The stone path drawing all my attention as I walked.

As I walked into Pierre's it wasn't hard to tell that people could see something was off. After buying my seeds I felt a hand on my shoulder, turning around to find Elliott.

"Y/N are you feeling alright? You look as though you've been distressed lately." You motion to him to follow you and walks out of the store behind you.

You take a deep breath as you start to tear up a bit more. He reaches for your face as he lifts it up, looking at the pooling tears.

So many things, the things you could have said. But they didn't come up. Instead a vision of his face of discomfort at your confession. You couldn't bear it. You couldn't tell him.

"I've just been stressed. I'm sorry for worrying you, Elliott." You sigh, attempting to put up a fake smile as you wipe your eyes. He retracts his hand as he looks guilty. Fuck does he feel like it's his fault?

"Well I'm willing to listen to your troubles if you ever need." He also puts on a strained smile as you both part ways.

"This is for the best." They both whisper as they leave.

[ikemensweetheart]

A Heartwarming Gift

Shingen x fem!Reader

A little something to celebrate Shingen's birthday.

-----

It was far too cold for Shingen's liking.

Winter was almost upon them and so was his birthday. He was looking forward to it, but not the cold it was usually accompanied by.

So, he set off searching the castle for the one thing he knew would stave off the chill creeping into his bones: You.

He found you easily enough. You were sitting in your room, busily working on something with your back turned to the door.

Quietly, he slips inside. Without making a sound, he kneels down and gently places his hands over your eyes. "Oh." You gasp in surprise and your back straightens. "Guess who." He whispers softly into your ear. "Hmm.." You purse your lips in thought. "Sasuke?"

"Nope."

"Yukimura?" He chuckles at this one. "Oh, I know. Kenshin!" You proudly declare.

"No." Shingen huffs annoyance. You laugh. "I'm kidding." You tell him as you from his hands. Turning around, you face him. You then lean forward and give him a quick peck in the cheek. "I knew it was you." You assure him. "Now, did you need something?" You ask as you move to sit back down.

"I was just looking for some respite from the cold." He replies, pulling you into his lap and wrapping his arms around you. "Ah." You just say. You give no objections and settle in against his chest. Returning your attention to the project in your hands.

Shingen rests his head on your shoulder and watches with your work interest.

In either hand was a long wooden needles with a little knob one the end and an unfamiliar material looped around them.

He knew the needles. He had made them for you per your request, but the thread you were working with was strange to him.

"What is this?" He asks, reaching to feel the thread you were using. It was soft and thick.

"It's wool." You tell him. "Wool?"

"Uh huh." You nod. "I got it from some foreign merchants the last time I was in Azuchi."

It's an import then. It was expensive no doubt. That explains why you had been saving so much of your earnings before your trip into Oda territory.

"What are you making?" Shingen inquires. The project was still very small and he couldn't tell what it was going to be. You give him a coy look. "It's a surprise." You tell him.

Shingen's eyes widen. This could only mean one thing. "Princess, you didn't have to-" He starts to say. "Shingen," you cut him off. You look back at him with earnest eyes. "Trust me, okay? It'll be worth it."

Shingen sighs. How could he say no to that cute face of yours? "Alright." He relents.

You break out grinning. "You're going to love it." You settle back in and continue working at whatever this mysterious item is.

Days pass and soon Shingen's birthday arrives.

He was greeted by a bright, dazzling light shining into his room. With a sleepy yawn, he sat up.

"Good morning." He hears you mumble beside him. "Good morning, Princess." He returns with a smile. You quickly sit up. Your sleepiness disappearing at the drop of a hat. "Happy birthday!" You practically squeal in excitement.

"You look more excited for my birthday than I am." He comments. "Of course I am." You reply. You quickly scramble to your feet and retrieve a small package from the desk. You then sit down in front of your love. "Here." You hand him the package.

Shingen takes the package from you and opens it. He's surprised to find the wool he had seen you working on before, carefully crafted into a rich red scarf.

He picks it up. He had never felt something so soft before. "(Y/n)..." He breathes. He wraps the scarf around his neck. Relishing in the warm softness.

"Since you hate the cold so much, I thought a scarf would help. Wool is the warmest material in this era-" he cuts you off with a swift kiss on the lips.

"Oh." You gasp. "I love it, Princess." He tells you. "I'll treasure it forever."

You smile at him. "I'm glad."

"Now, shall we begin the festivities?" He asks. "Sure."

Taking your hand in his, the two of you step out of the room. Shingen is soon greeted by Yukimura and his other vassals at breakfast. Each of them sharing birthday well wishes with their lord.

After breakfast, Shingen and you go out of the town. Enjoying your usual haunts together as you walk hand in hand.

You stop at a tea shop for lunch. Enjoying warm tea and sweet red bean buns offered there.

"These are so good!" You declare between bites. Shingen laughs at the sight of you. "You have a little something on your face, Princess." He tells you, leaning close to you. "Huh? Where?" You reach up to wipe it away, but Shingen gets to it first. Licking the paste from the corner of your mouth. "Wah! Shingen!" You pull back, your eyes were wide and your cheeks ablaze.

"Sorry, I could resist." He tells you. You lightly slap his broad chest. "You're terrible." You mumble. "And you're cute." He replies. "Just eat your food." You turn away from him, you blush spreading to your ears.

He just smiles and continues eating.

Soon the sun is starting to set as the two of you walk down the road.

"We should probably be getting back." You say. "Can't have a birthday party without the birthday boy."

"This is true." Shingen agrees. However as you start to pick up your pace, he stops.

You yelp in surprise as he pulls you back into his embrace. "Shingen! What- " He cuts your question off with a passionate kiss. "Wha- what was that for?" You stammer after he pulls away. "A thank you for your gift."

"But you already thanked me." You point out. "Yes, but that was before I properly enjoyed it. Thanks to you and the scarf, the cold hadn't been as bad as it usually is today. It warms my heart and my body with all the love you put into it."

You smile at his words. "I'm glad you like it." You say. "So much more than that, my goddess." He murmurs. "I absolutely love it. Although now, I'm going to work extra hard to spoil you on your birthday."

Your grin broadens. "Come on, we're going to be late for your party."

You take his hand and the two of you make your way back home.

------

Thanks for reading. I hope you all enjoyed!

Stay Safe

[i-imade-a-thing]

The Second Temple & Barrel's Warhammer Breakdown!

Ok those episodes are AWESOME! I didn't expect those events to happen at all. SO MUCH HYPE! I don't wanna spoil too much here, but DAMN IT IS A GREAT EPISODES! As always I'll be listing out details I notice down below(and other stuff), don't click read more if u haven't watch the episodes yet!

The Second Temple

Hop Pop having a place to "sit" after being hold by Joe Sparrow last temple

Weird-shark creature being frozen

Marcy have a cute pencil case :D

The arc is a statue of a frog about to eat a fly

Anne and Sprig wearing the clothes seen in "Snow day"

This part of a tent's pattern remind me of a gem charging station

Pretty sure breakfast is the most important meal of the day

The stick turns into staff

Also: the staff have glowing blue axolotl eyes

A blue shell can be seen in the background

Anne doesn't trust giving other people music box due to "after the rain"

Wonder what happen to other Ancient Order...

Marcy seems to have a small panic moment under pressure

"You frog will turn to ice without protection," referring to the episode "Snow Day"

Is that a T-rex?

"Out to Lunch" sign, foreshadowing(?) Valeriana setting this up

"Disobedient, Foolish, Impulsive," seems like traits that ss1 Anne has

Valeriana's teleport magic is blue

"I'm not that selfish," Anne realized that she is still a little selfish

A LOT of Callback to Season 1:

"Didn't you lie to the Plantars to get off a day of work?"-> Contagi-Anne

"Didn't you drive family's snail even though you were told not to?"-> Anne Theft Auto

"Didn't you steal Hoppidiah's wallet for a girl's day out at town"-> Girl Time (she didn't steal it though, she just ask for HP's wallet and he just gave it to her, that's why Anne said "That is definitely not how it happened")

"But you did steal the music box, did you not?"-> Best Fronds

Anne's theme played when Anne save Valeriana

"You were right, I did lie and steal. If that make me unworthy, fine. Those bad choices were mine and I own them. But making them taught me that it's always better to do the right thing. So that's what I did. Regardless of how much I didn't want to"...this really reflect how far Anne came since season 1

Valeriana's necklace change from red to blue

Anne's eye have been drained only halfway, she still got 50% of her power left!

The gem look like it's 65%-ish charged

The gem's flicker....it send chills down my spine

This episode is a really good reflection to see how far Anne has come, and I LOVE IT! It is so satisfying to see Anne's growth, plus the quote Anne made! Sooo good. Also the blue gem flickers at the end....oh boy this gonna come back later and Andrias is not gonna like it.

Barrel's Warhammer

Captain Bufo's armor look like a samurai (east tower)

Captain Beatrix clothes look like old European army (west tower)

Captain Aldo literary don't have eyes, also his legs look like chicken's legs lol

This tower is probably the North Tower, since there are vines growing around Captain Aldo

Percy dabbed.

The banner in the background said "Toad Summit"

Seems like Beatrix received some kind of medal

Grimity is Grime's real name

Sasha really have anger outburst, she felt like Anne and Marcy "betrayed" her

A frog died here where warhammer is

The boat have 2 fly craved from wood

Matt said the creature is based from Naga(Nak)

"What a great way to go!" Grime is legit ready to die

Sasha seems a little hesitate when deciding between Percy's wish to bail and warhammer

Toad Summit seems to give a chance for toads around Amphibia to show case their stuff to toad lords

Sasha is really determined to get what she want, and doesn't care how it affect people around her

"I am NOT gonna bail, not while Anne and Marcy getting by without me," she really felt left behind

SASHA EYE GLOW SASHA EYE GLOW

BALSO: ROCKET HAMMER!

"We trusted you and you didn't care one bit about what happen to us, as long as you got what you wanted"

Braddock and Percy leaving Sasha after learning Anne and Marcy is gonna sting Sasha so much...

Percy give Sasha a smile, that mean they're willing to forgive her when she redeem herself

Grime accepted Braddock and Percy leaving

Holy frog, this episode. I kinda feel bad for Sasha, learning that her friend is doing fine without her, plus Percy and Braddock leaving her in the same day, that gotta hurt a lot. Someone please give Sasha a hug.

Both of these episodes really setup for future events. Anne having some of her power left and Sasha starting to learn that you should look out for people around you. Next week is the third temple, and the reunion between Anne and Sasha will be very very interesting.

[vanchlo]

The Partner / Chapter Twelve, "The Resolute"

Word Count: 8.4k /  Story Masterlist /  Read The Assistant /  Read on Wattpad / Song: Hold Me While You Wait by Lewis Capaldi (click to listen) / Warning: Sensitive and upsetting topics, such as death, grief, and miscarriage

"I never know when I will miss you. I can't ever predict just what will grip my heart with the reminder that you are gone. It could be anything. Anytime. Anywhere. You are everywhere and nowhere all at once. When the days are bright, I am blinded by your presence and even when the world is dark I still manage to find you. In laughter, I hear the echo of losing you. Your presence is overflowing in the tears that fall. Now that your body is gone, everything holds your being. I miss you in the cold depths of winter and I long for you in the thick summer breeze. You are my first rising thought in the morning and my last notion as I sink into the heaviness of the night. I thought we ran out of moments together, but every moment seems to belong to you. How can you be everywhere when you are nowhere to be seen? I used to worry about facing the world because I didn't know what would trigger my heartache. I used to be afraid of every feeling, every memory, every moment because I didn't know which ones held you. Now I know you are everywhere and I think that I know why. You're everywhere because you're somewhere inside of who I am. I am the bearer of your life and your memory. I am the keeper of your existence. Even though you're gone, I never really have to search for you. I never know where I'll find you but you are always there. I never know when I will miss you and it happens all the time"

- Rachel Whalen

I had lost count of how many times I had fallen back asleep since he had left for another day of work, the second time in the last few days. I’d be telling a lie if I said that I didn’t miss him, because like he’d confessed when he thought I was sleeping, I missed him all of the time too. The difference was that I felt it now when he was gone. I wasn’t sure why I’d bitten his head off that night about going back to work. I did but couldn’t think about it after the way he broke down in front of me and I just stood there. I didn’t do a thing. Instead, I shook my head and pushed him away. God, how could I do that to him? I thought he’d moved on . . . That’s how it went. I’d wake up to an empty, cold bed and the guilt would come in crashing waves. The hot tears would follow and eventually, I’d fall back into another fitful sleep. Nightmares were almost always guaranteed, but for the first time in our relationship, I comforted myself back to sleep. Somehow, they didn’t wake him like before, but last night when he woke with a gasp that melted into tears, I think I knew because he was busy with his own.

At first, I thought I’d been imagining it, or maybe that was just my coping mechanism by now. Denial and pretending. No, it really was and it went around like a circle. Denying the denial. But when the knocking on the door turned into the dinging of the doorbell, I knew that it was real. It didn’t stop after a few times, like the mailman would. No, this person was persistent, and I definitely was not. I couldn’t even find the strength to move to look at the alarm clock to see the time. By then, it had stopped. He’d only been gone an hour now and I missed him deeply, finding it hard to not pick up the phone to ask him to come home. I did but in my own way, and not one he’d understand, despite how he knew every page of my book.

I hope work is going well

Only a few minutes passed before a reply came in with a silent vibration.

thanks it is, just meetings again and an interview

Sounds boring. I know how you hate both. New hire?

possibly. i forgot to tell u gwen left. i hope ur getting some rest

No, you hadn’t but that’s ok. I think I only talked to her like 5 times. I’m trying.

ya she was good, just kept 2 herself. want me 2 pick up anything for lunch? anything soundin good? Starbucks? pizza? u can have whatever u want

You can pick

At that, I heard my phone lock before placing it face down onto the bedside table, not able to continue a conversation about food any longer. Another wave of irrational tears came at missing him and wanting normalcy back, but the fitful sleep didn’t follow. I wasn’t sure if I was regretful or not when I peeled back the covers, shocked by the sudden cold.

The chilling silence filling the house hit me in the face when I stepped out into the hallway. It had been choking at times, mostly at night when things were at their worst. During the day, like now, it was never this quiet. Something on the tv was always playing, and I soon found myself in front of it, watching the end of a Marvel movie Harry and I once watched.

Its sequel was nearing the halfway point by the time the doorbell rang again. It was on its fourth time now and the person still hadn’t stopped. The surprise on their face was just as strong as that of mine when I found myself at the door, in front of Harry’s grandmother.

“Hi, Becky,” she said softly, a warm cadence to her words like always. I may have been biased towards grandmas, but Harry’s checked all of the points and more. I couldn’t help the squeeze of my heart at the mere sight of her, a melancholy smile spreading on her lips.

“Claire. Um, hi. Harry isn’t here right now, he had to go into work this morning,” I rush, unsure of why I’m telling her this, except for I know why. I hadn’t spoken to another human being that wasn’t Harry or my doctor since . . since it had happened. Sure, texts to Skye, my dad, and Robbie. It was the only way to placate them from telling them I didn’t want to see them. Can I blame them, though?

“Oh, that’s okay. I was uh, hoping I could come in,” she suggests. I stand there, taken aback by her request. I had come to love this woman like she was my own grandmother, and yet here I am, not opening the door for her. “Maybe we could wait for him together with some brookies.”

Dropping my eyes, I watch as she lifts a saran wrapped plate of chocolatey looking cookies. I didn’t need to look any longer to know what they were. Her famous brownie cookies that Harry had compared any cookie or brownie of mine to over the years, and I eventually had found out why.

“You know I can’t turn those down,” I mumble, feeling the first hints of a smile. She grins for me instead, following me into the house that somehow feels even emptier when we step inside. Awkwardly, I closed the door behind her, pulling my hands back into the oversized King’s College crewneck of Harry’s I’d stolen long ago. “Can I . . Can I get you something to drink? Coffee? Water? Tea?” I stumble, watching as she takes a seat at the island, setting down one of those cloth bags beside her.

“Coffee would be fine, honey,” she says, and always with a smile. I welcome the distraction, feeling as if I’d forgotten how to talk to another person. No, I know that I have. I hadn’t even been able to carry on a conversation with Harry, nonetheless his grandmother.

At times, I still felt uncomfortable around his parents, especially his dad. If there was one of them that I felt the easiest around, it was Claire. I’m reminded of the bouquet of black eyed susans probably now wilting on the table when she notes the array of flowers taking up space over there. I nod at her words while closing the lid of the instant coffee machine, placing a tall mug underneath the spout. The compassionate words scribbled in her cursive with its accompanying card come back to me, and suddenly, the steaming coffee grows blurry before my eyes. Sometimes, I wondered if she had a feeling about things like me, because as the first tear fell, she speaks an apology.

“I’m sorry for coming unannounced. I had let Harry know I was in town and would stop by today, but he must have forgotten to mention it to you,” she begins in a low volume, a Harry-like molasses shining in her voice. I mumble an ‘it’s okay’ while watching the coffee continue to fill the mug. It’s almost done, but then what will I do to distract myself? “Harry had said your fridge was quite full, but I couldn’t help but make a few of your favorites to bring you both. Times like these, cooking feels like the last thing you want to do.”

“A lot of things do,” I find myself saying, surprising her I’m sure and especially myself. I hadn’t even been able to find it in myself to put that feeling into words and say them to Harry. It was a blessing and a curse how we could read each other so well, but I know I’d closed myself off from him a long time ago. On accident and then, on purpose.

Ripples form across the surface of the liquid as the last few drops plummet into the dark abyss. I wait, staring at the steam rising from the mug, unsure as to why. A silence had embedded itself into these walls so long ago I couldn’t remember, and it sat between us now too. I still didn’t know how to broach it, and there was no nudging the switch that would let me talk about her. I truly didn’t know how to, not even to her father. Sometimes, I wanted to forget her so I’d stop hurting, but that felt like an impossibility and then a crime. Gulping, I wipe at my cheeks and thread my fingers through the ceramic handle.

“Those are a beautiful assortment of flowers,” she comments again when I set the drink down in front of her. A forced ‘thank you’ leaves my lips when I turn around and walk towards the fridge. “You and Harry are so loved, and so was your baby.”

I’d opened this fridge how many times over the years, and now as the handle sits in my palm, I can’t find it in myself to do it. The forgotten coupons, lists, photographs, drawings from Harper and Ollie, and magnets grew hazy before my eyes. The hum of the coffee machine cooling down wasn’t enough to mask the whimper that escaped my lips, no matter how desperately I tried to shove it down. After breathing in and out a few times, it still didn’t help, but I was able to open the door and grab what I’d needed.

Keeping my head down, I set the coffee creamer in front of her, not spending a second more facing her with the damage on my cheeks. As the spoon clinks against the sides of her mug, I distract myself by finding room in the fridge for the filled tupperware containers she’d taken from the bag. Scribbled labels adorn the top of each one, but I look past them as I stack them on a shelf. From the corner of my eye, I saw her stand from her seat to look at the flowers, thumbing at the typed messages. It’s not until the last one is snug against a container of yogurt and strawberries that somebody says something.

“They always say the same things, don’t they?” she murmurs with an out of place scoff, sounding like a hum from her lips. The tears had dried up as I thought about how to fit a container of beef stroganoff amongst tater tot casserole, but when I turned around, her face still falls. “It was the same with Steven too. They all say that they understand, but there’s no way that they can. They hadn’t lost their spouse, or . . their baby.” This roots me to the spot and we spend the next few moments looking at each other as her Soft Rose lipsticked lips fall.

“I didn’t want to come, Becky, because I know that when I lost my loves, I wanted to be alone. But that was where my demons lied in wait, and I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did when I lost my baby,” she continues. I couldn’t tell if it was the light or the way my eyes deceive me with a returning wetness, but a similar glint appears in hers. It holds my attention for a mere moment until my heart starts to pound against my ribs. “Steven and I were a little younger than you and Harry when we lost our baby at four months.”

There could be no saving my throat nor my eyes as I gulp against the dryness, feeling all of the wetness detour down my face. Her words ricochet inside of me, bouncing off walls. For the first time in too long, they sink in and make me feel something. I resist at first, not wanting to let my chest shake or my heart race, but there’s no stopping it. Staring back at her, she quietly sits back down and takes a sip from her coffee. Looking back to me, a corner of her mouth twitches as a gleaming droplet beads at her chin.

“What has it been now? Fifty five years and I still miss them . . my little baby,” the blood pounds in my ears as I stare at her in what, amazement? Horror? Complete and utter surprise? Probably, all of them.

“Gran, I-I never knew,” a voice says from behind me. Turning, another wave of shock courses through me at the sight of Harry with his hand on the door to the garage.

“I never told anybody, except for my immediate family when it had happened . . The thing was, the taboo around miscarriages and infertility hasn’t changed a whole lot since then. It disappoints me really . . Back then, you didn’t talk about it. Now, sometimes you talk about it, but it’s just the same. It’s near to impossible to speak about. Friends and family want to say something, but they don’t know how to without hurting you. So, instead of mentioning the loved one you lost, people don’t when they think of them, and they’re forgotten. That’s always been my worst fear, and I don’t want either of you to go through that- I cried when your mother told me what had happened, Harry. My heart breaks for the both of you, knowing that you’re going through the same nightmare that my Steven and I did.”

A puff leaves his lips and I can almost hear him gulp as sound evades us. Words haven’t been a friend to my lips in what feels like months, and right now isn’t an exception.

“I’m so sorry, Gran.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Harry. I’m so sorry that you lost your baby . . I heard it was a girl, your daughter,” her words are ginger and slow. Somehow, another piece joins the puzzle, but it still leaves me staring at the floor as tidal waves crash inside of me. “It was a long time ago, but I still miss them and wonder who they’d be. I’m sorry to say that never goes away, and that the whole b-s of ‘time heals all wounds’ isn’t entirely true. You just build up scar tissue to it, but some days are worse than others. I miss Steven terribly some days, like the day you announced your engagement, and your pregnancy. When your mother told me over the phone three weeks ago, I wished he could’ve been there too, for you to talk to about fathers losing a child. Men are still pressured to not show emotions but it was just as hard on him to lose our baby, and sometimes fathers are forgotten.”

A mess of emotions roils inside of me, flipping my stomach upside down. My heart too, arguably. The last sound that I make out is a sniffle of his before I’m bringing my hands to my eyes, and sobbing against them. It felt like I stood there for minutes before escaping down the hall, when it was only a few seconds in reality.

I wasn’t certain if they knew what I did. That I could hear them from the bedroom down the hall, the place I’d come to retreat to instead of Harry’s arms. I felt him coming towards me just moments ago, but I couldn’t do it. I think I’d almost forgotten what his touch felt like. If they thought I could hear them, they probably had mistaken me for being asleep or for not listening. I think they tried to keep their voices down, but despite Harry being a closet musician, there wasn’t much for treatment to these walls. He’d joked before about having sex one night his mom stayed here but I pushed him away, chalking it up to thin walls.

Now, the memory wasn’t that funny to me as I heard their conversation. I almost felt guilty, as if I was cheating by hearing them, but this was the only way I could take part in a conversation I know I should be part of. I didn’t think that I could even speak if I had wanted to, because of the hiccuped sobs that filled my chest, making it hard to speak. I know that I made the right decision when my head rests against the door upon hearing about what they say next, about me.

“I can hardly get her to have a conversation with me, Gran. Let alone about . . about the baby.”

“Oh, Harry. You just have to give her time.”

“I know and I have, but it’s becoming all the harder to feel as time passes. She’s getting worse and I’m barely staying put together. It scares me so much, because I don’t want to lose her too. If I did, I’d lose everything I have to live for.”

At last, the sound of my choked sobs drowned out that of their voices. By the time my lungs calmed down and my heart hardened once more, it was quiet. I missed his voice despite how it had almost betrayed me to another, and made me hurt. My rumbling stomach ultimately won the race and it was what led me down the hall, and without knowing, back to her. I blamed it on the appetizing smell wafting from the kitchen.

I’d already seen her and had decided to keep going, but upon passing the island where she sat again, I heard her intake of breath. Harry wasn’t anywhere to be seen, despite the wiped clean plate in the sink with the large fork and an empty can. He was the only one who used them and who drank the sparkling waters that I thought tasted like bug spray.

“I’m so sorry, Becky. The last thing I wanted was to upset you, honey.”

“You don’t have to apologize. Frankly, I’m rather tired of people saying those two words, but thank you,” I return, a steadiness arriving in my voice that I didn’t know I’d missed. “Can I-?”

“Of course, it’s all yours,” she insists with a smile. Nodding, I pick up the serving spoon and a plate, feeling my stomach grow happy at the sight and smell of her famous homemade lasagna. “There’s garlic bread in the oven and salad in the fridge. I’m just going to use the little girl’s room.”

I almost smile, realizing that I’ve missed her and just maybe, I feel okay enough to talk about it. I’d found a seat at the island beside her empty cup of coffee, already digging into the lasagna. An almost embarrassing moan left my lips at the taste of the layers of cheese, pasta, and bolognese sauce.

“Leave it to Claire to find the way to your heart,” somebody comments. Turning, I find Harry walking towards me with a tilt to his lips. He unrolls the hem of a Queen Bohemian Rhapsody shirt, looking more like himself now that he’s out of a suit. Sometimes, I still catch myself thinking that it was always the opposite, seeing how I’d know him to always be in suits for so long.

To my surprise, I don’t flinch or pull back when his hand arrives on my shoulder as I wipe my mouth with a napkin.

“You don’t know how happy it makes me to see you eating, and enjoying it . . I’m surprised you haven’t broken into that plate of brookies yet,” he comments. Something happy buds on my lips when his lips sponge a kiss to my temple.

“So am I,” I reply, cutting myself another bite of the food. To my happiness, his arm comes around my shoulder and stays there. I welcome it and feel a warmth grow in my gut upon finding the courage to meet his eyes. They hold something that I learn to be mischief when he plucks one of the cookies off the plate. “Hey, save some for me.”

“Don’t worry, they’re all yours. Well, except a few for me. Maybe we could split them down the middle. Half for me and half for you,” he suggests with a cocky shrug to his broad shoulders. It surprises us both when my lips spill a few second giggle. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed that sound.”

“I’ve missed you,” it’s but a squeak and still, I know he hears it by the sad curl of his lips. “I’m going to try.”

“Thank you, my lovebug. That’s all I can ask for,” he smiles, stealing a quick peck from my lips. It catches me off guard and I find myself staring at him while he manages to take a bite that’s half of the cookie. He winks at me and I turn away, shoveling a large bite of cheesy pasta past my lips.

Another bite had donned my fork by the time Claire found her seat beside us. I’d made a dent in my garlic bread by now as Harry worked on his second cookie.

Swallowing, I loaded my fork with a scrap of melted cheese and bolognese sauce. “Claire. How . . How did you do it? Be okay again after losing your baby? It . . It feels impossible,” the words seem to come from nowhere at first.

After a few moments, I know where they stem from, and just how much importance they hold. It looks back at me in Harry’s eyes when I peer up at him, smiling back when he thumbs away a tear below my eye. As her response hits our ears, I reach my arm out and across his back, holding tightly onto his side. I didn’t let go once as we cried together with his grandma about our lost babies, and neither did he.

I went to bed with a hope in my heart, thinking that tomorrow would be different. Alas, I woke up to an empty bed and it wasn’t. I wasn’t surprised but sure, I was let down. I knew that somebody else would be much more disappointed than I was, if that were possible.

It wasn’t long after my waking realization that there was a knock on the door anda creak, “Hey, buggie. I’m making french toast. How many pieces do you want?” The rest of the night had been uneventful, for once. His grandma stayed for another hour or two as we ate cookies and I finally talked about it. Her. Now, lying with my back to Harry, I didn’t know how to do that again. To talk. “Wakey wakey, it’s nearly noon.”

His voice was closer now as his hands settled on my shoulders from behind. The feeling of his thumbs kneading the tissue made me want to let him drive away the intrusive thoughts. To let him win, but I didn’t know how. Yesterday had seemed like a fluke, as I looked back on it. Even if he was her father, how could I explain to him the hollowness that had filled me when I remembered that my child had died inside of me? No, that wasn’t something he could understand, nor could he hear how much I wished he had been there that morning. That the fact he wasn’t there had changed everything. I couldn’t tell him that and I never wanted to, but I’d gotten close. At the times his nagging and hovering drove me up the wall, my tongue itched to deal the worst blows just to get him off my back. I knew it was wrong, so much of it was but I didn’t know how to stop. All I knew how to do was to drown myself in my regret afterwards. Sometimes, I was mad that we couldn’t keep alcohol around, but at others, I was glad for it.

His molasses voice murmurs my name once more, another time that I ignore, until I can’t. “No thanks.”

“I can bring it in here for you. There’s bacon and strawberries too. Orange juice, as well.”

Shaking my head, I bury my face deeper into the pillow, finding that it has his smell. At one time, he had been my safety blanket, but now it was his smell that could calm me down. I wanted to feel guilty about it but I didn’t have the energy to feel guilt because of anything else as it was all focused on one thing.

“I’ll have a little bit,” I surrender, listening to his hopeful response before leaving. For once, he let me eat alone in the bedroom. But he still inspected my plate, and I could tell that he was biting back a remark as he read the paper at the island.

“Can we talk?”

“What about?” I replied, bending over to place my dishes in the dishwasher. Standing back up, I fail at readying myself for his next onslaught of questions. The ones that I can’t answer.

“You know . . About Phoebe,” he answers. I hear it, the way he has to shove the words past his lips in order to get them out. I only know because I’ve done it a thousand times, and often with him. You do it when it’s too hard to say, but you know that it has to be done regardless.

“What’s there to talk about?”

“Becks,” he sighs, annoyance clear in his voice. “I thought you said that you were going to try. Last night went so well and you did great, I-.”

“I just can’t do it today. Okay, Harry?” I retort tearfully, catching the sagging of his features when I lock eyes with him. Sighing, I forget the cookie I’d picked up, placing the saran wrap back over it.

“So what, we need to schedule a fricken time to talk about it?”

I’d begun my retreat, but I wasn’t far enough yet. No, if I was in earshot of Harry, it wasn’t over yet. It had always been that way, ever since the beginning.

“Harry, please,” my words start, decorated with tears that drag my words underwater.

“We got pregnant and we . . we had a miscarriage, Becks. It’s nearly been a month now, but what comes next? When do we get back to normal?”

I hadn’t even been facing him and the words felt like a slap in the face. The look on mine must have felt similar to him, because when I turn around to look at him through blurry eyes, he melts into a puddle of regret.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Becks. Not-.”

“Not what way, Harry? That we should just forget about it and move on with our lives? God, you’re sounding like the doctor the other day who said that we can start trying again whenever we want. But I don’t want to try again yet, Harry, because I’m too scared that we’d lose another one- I mean, what if I can’t have kids? And- I don’t want to forget her or replace her,” but he didn’t hear the last part and I hadn’t decided if I’d wanted him to.

“You don’t know that, Becks, and that’s not what I meant at all. I promise,” he interrupts. The legs of his oversized sweatpants sag down to his ankles when he stands. “I didn’t say we had to get pregnant again right away. I’m fucking scared too. I just mean that I want us to get better. Collectively and on our own. I hate seeing you so upset all of the time, and just want you to be happy. We’re supposed to get married sometime this year and I still don’t know when that’s going to happen. The house is going to be ready in a few months, and I wanted to bring you there one day to look at the progress.”

I had begun to shake my head long before he’d stopped talking. It brought an edge to his words and an annoyance that I didn’t like, despite inciting it. A loud puff passes his lips and he returns to the chair, raking a hand through his hair. That either meant annoyance or boredom, or both. Like I tend to do, I take it personally and figure he’s both annoyed and bored of me, not that it was anything new lately.

“I can’t do that, Harry. I-I can’t,” fumbling with my words, my hand gets caught in my hair as I avoid his eyes. It doesn’t stop him from retorting an inquisitive ‘why not?’ “How am I supposed to go and see the house we’re building that has five extra bedrooms, Harry? How do you expect me to look at the rooms we planned out for o-our kids, and one for . . for Phoebe’s nursery when she’s not coming anymore?”

“Becks,” the nickname leaves his lips like that one breath that’s knocked out of you when you fall. The wrinkles that are rarely there above his eyes return as his eyebrows fall deeply. “I didn’t . . I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.”

“And so am I, but . . I just can’t do that right now, o-or talk about her. I’m sorry,” I say with haste to my words and in my actions. The sad sound from his lips follows me to the couch where I perch, pretending to watch the tv. He doesn’t join me and after a while of pretending, my eyes start to droop.

The image of Shrek and Fiona making animal balloons falls away until a sound wakes me. Time had passed because now Fiona stands in front of Lord Farquad and Shrek is nowhere to be seen.

“I’m going to run an errand. Is there um, anything you need, bug?” he murmurs, the jangling of keys adorning his words.

“No thanks.”

“Okay, I won’t be long- Becks?” he speaks up, clearing his throat at last. I call back a question and wait as he idles. “I really am sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean anything insensitively or to upset you. I’d never want to do that.”

“I know, Harry. It’s okay,” are the last words that pass between us before he bids me a goodbye. I welcome the lack of silence but curl into the couch more, pulling the blanket around me as the movie continues.

My head throbbed when I stood up, but it had been happening a lot lately. I knew it was because I hadn’t been eating much, and as I think about that, my feet lead me to the fridge.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt full after eating, and still wanting a cookie afterwards. Like I do now. Licking the crumbs from my fingers after the last bite, the wooden floor is cold against my bare feet. For a reason I don’t know, I soon am staring up the staircase, and in that direction. It pulls at me to climb the stairs, but something deep down throbs in denial.

Instead, my attention is stolen when my ringtone blares from the couch. I lose my phone half of the time these days and so calls went unanswered. Assuming it was Harry with a grocery question, I picked it up without looking at who it was.

“Hi, Boops.”

“Dad,” I almost sigh, but I was unsure as to why. Was it the bombardment of talking to my dad on the phone for the first time in almost a month? Most likely. Or was it the homesickness that grew in my gut at the sound of his voice. “Daddy.”

“Hi, honey. I was hoping you’d answer. I’ve missed your voice.”

Sinking onto the couch, my bottom lip quivers as I try to breathe in slowly, but my heart won’t listen. It hasn’t for a while now.

“I’ve missed yours, Daddy.”

“Oh, baby girl,” he says in an exhale. Already, I know that he hears what my voice is dipped in, but I don’t hide it. It was too late for that. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

“I’m getting really sick of that word, but thanks, Dad.”

His classical chuckle begins its opening but it falters there, and so did any chance at mine. Silence had rarely been uncomfortable with my Dad. That was only when I’d gotten into trouble or when I was trying to tell him about something that had happened with my Mom, which usually went hand in hand. Over the years, I could hardly count the times silence had grown awkward between us, until it did now.

“What are you doing?” he decides to say, lifting my eyes to the tv screen where it appears Fiona and Farquaad will get their Happily Ever After. I knew without needing to think what would happen next. They wouldn’t, because it never really happens that way. No, it’s not that easy or immediate.

“Watching Shrek on the couch.”

“Is Harry there?” he murmurs a question.

“No, he went to do something not long ago. I don’t know what,” I answer, wrapping the tassels of the blanket around my finger until it hurts. “I think he’s mad at me. I can’t tell anymore, it seems like he always is.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, honey.”

Shaking my head for nobody to see, I taste blood when pressing my lips together to hold back the whimpering. Sniffling, I breathe in raggedly before speaking, “I think it is . . I can’t blame him, because I’ve been so horrible to him, Dad. H-He was supposed to be a Daddy and I’ve forgotten that he’s g-going through all of this too. I’ve been in my own little world being sad a-about the baby, and I forgot about him, Dad. I’m supposed to marry him soon, and I don’t even wear my ring anymore, and I can’t go upstairs, and-,” he doesn’t cut me off. I leave that honor for myself as I watch the color drain from my finger when I unwrap the tassel. I’d slowly come to hate the color red, even refusing to eat strawberries at first. It’d become the color I’d hated most after . . after that morning.

“I’m sure that he understands, Ree, or he’s at least trying to. I’ve spoken to him a few times now, and he’s not mad at you. He’s just frustrated and overwhelmed. Harry hates to see you unhappy, it’s always been that way with you too, and vice versa. He wants to fix everything, but I told him that’s not always possible. You can’t fix another person . . . and neither can you, Boops. You’re doing your best and so is he, and after a while-.”

“But I’m not, Dad. I’m hardly trying, only when I feel like it. I . . I don’t know how to do any of this and I don’t want to. I don’t want her to be gone. I was supposed to be a Mom. Her Mom,” I weep, pressing the handful of blanket against my eyes, catching my tears.

“I wish I could make it all better for you too, honey. Ever since you were little, I wanted to kiss the owies better and tell off the kids who were mean to you, but . . . you have to do it yourself and when you can, Becky. You can’t rush this. Grief, it doesn’t have a timetable or a road map- and, honey, you are a Mom. You’re Phoebe’s Mom. Nothing will ever change that,” somehow, I cry harder at his last words, melting into the couch.

“Thank you, Daddy,” I cry into the phone, wishing it was his shoulder, instead. It’s a few moments filled with the sound of my tears and his own sniffles, before I speak again. “But how do I . . how do I let Harry back in? I pushed him away without meaning to and now we’re so far apart, Dad.”

“I think that you need to remember that he’s grieving the loss of a child too. Your child together, Ree, and that he’s feeling the exact same feelings that you are. He’s devastated at not getting to be a father to Phoebe, to meet her, watch her grow up into a person, and do all of the things that you’re grieving the loss of too. You’re a team, honey, and you need to give each other some grace too. There aren’t any rules to this and maybe I shouldn’t talk because I’m divorced, but the first reason you’re there with each other is because you love each other. You have to remember that too, honey. Hey, I’m sorry, I think I’m burning my dinner in the oven. Can I call you back later, sweetie?”

“Yeah, Dad. Of course. Um, thank you. That really helped me,” I reply, swiping at my tears with the dry side of the blanket.

“I’m glad to hear it. I love you, Boops.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” and he’s gone. All I hear is the silence of the dead call and Shrek’s voice on the tv as he yells at Lord Farquaad. It’s what fills my ears and distracts my mind when I lay my head on the pillow, resting my hand on my belly without thinking. But unlike every other time I’d found myself doing it since . . since I was actually holding my baby, I let it stay there, wildly wishing she could be here watching Shrek with me.

I heard him come in when the credits of the movie are switching to the opening of its sequel. It was arguably the best, in my opinion, but it was something Harry and I had always disagreed upon. The memory sparks an invitation for him on my tongue, but upon raising my head, I watch him disappear down the hallway.

My ears aren’t sure what to focus on, the sound of his parting footsteps, the racing of my heart, or guitar strings soon being plucked from down the hall. It wasn’t much of a choice, because my feet were already leading me towards his study. A place where he had been spending a lot of time recently. I find myself gravitating towards the sound and wanting to hear more, but I stop outside the door nervously. My heart pulls me forward, despite the way it gallops, making me feel sick to my stomach. Standing there, I wonder why this is something I’m nervous about, but nothing is the same anymore. I hadn’t felt this way for what had it been now, years? There hadn’t been a time since the beginning that I was nervous to talk to Harry, and yet, here I stood doing just that.

His playing stopped and I perked up, making out the scribbling of pen on paper. Was he writing a song, I wondered quietly and wished I could ask. I didn’t know how to, and that was something I’d thought too many times lately. How to get out of bed. To eat a whole plate of food. Talk to my family and friends. I hardly even knew how to talk to Harry anymore. That’s what was holding me back, wasn’t it? Sure, if you wanted to sum it up.

“I know you’re standing outside the door . . Did you need something?” Harry murmurs, an edge to his voice. It was one that had appeared out of the blue and refused to leave. I only knew because I’d felt my voice change like that too.

There’s the creaking of the floor before I press the ajar door open enough for me to fit through. I find him sitting back down on his office chair, but he faces away from me, a guitar propped on his lap.

“How’d you know?” I ask softly, still awkwardly standing in the doorway. His eyes flit to mine and I’m unsure of why I look away, except that I can’t face him. No, not when mine are still wet and I’m sure they aren't going to dry up anytime soon. Not after what I’m about to say.

“You forget how long I’ve known you,” he mumbles, peering down at the moleskin journal he scribbles in. “Four years, give or take. You learn their cues and the sounds they make when you come to know somebody for that long. That’s how I heard you at the door, it was your footsteps.”

“Oh,” I respond flatly, feeling dumb. His tone doesn’t imply it and nor do his words, but the embarrassment has run rampant already.

Watching him write and escape to his own little world had always been one of my favorite things to observe. Even his handwriting was something that brought me . . comfort. I blamed it on the familiarity, but as it pours from his pen, it makes my heart slow down a few ticks.

“My Dad called and we talked for a little bit.”

Harry hums a reply, crossing something out on the piece of paper. Scratching his head, he sighs whilst staring at the writing. I can’t make it out from here, but once again, the silence finds its old spot. Remembering his initial question when he heard me at the door, I worry that I’m bothering him. Gulping past the nervousness and doubt, I pedal forward.

“Was that yours?” I ask warily, noting his head rising so he can meet my eyes for a split second. They hold a question in them, perhaps dozens. “The song. It . . It was really pretty.”

“Yeah . . It’s just something I’ve been playing around with,” his answer comes out in a pillowy tone. It has changed ever since . . since I’d run away from him, and I hear it now as he speaks his reply.

“I really . . really like it,” I comment, looking towards the ceiling when his grandfather’s Gibson acoustic grows hazy in my eyes.

“Thank . . you. Hey, what is it? Did your dad say something that upset you?” it had been so long since I’d heard that steely edge absent from his voice. I don’t know why I mourned it, because it was my fault it had ever arrived in the first place. Wasn’t it? “Becks.”

“Yeah, he said a lot of things th-that made sense, actually,” I confess, dropping my head to stare at my fingers that I wring. I’m unable to ignore the feeling of my lips trembling against each other, despite busying myself with adjusting my rings. They stop when I arrive at the one that speaks volumes, and how deeply I’d ignored it.

Braving the storm, I finally look at him. His greens are patient and soft, something neither of our eyes have been for the other for awhile now. Without breaking eye contact, he settles his guitar onto its stand and discards the pad of paper.

“Harry, c-can I have a hug?” slowly, the overdue question comes.

“Of course,” he responds, a corner of his mouth quirking up. Already, he’s holding his arms out towards me. “You’ve never needed to ask, buggie.”

“Thank you,” I murmur, feeling the air whoosh out of me when my body touches his. Somehow, my chest shakes harder with a new sob. It only worsens when his hands come under my thighs, lifting me up to sit on his lap.

“It’s been so long since we’ve hugged,” I know he doesn’t mean to, but it feels like a chasm through my chest when he says that. The guilt that had arrived at my dad’s words increases by tenfold.

“I’m sorry,” it’s but a whisper against his neck, my favorite place for hide and seek. But it was always him seeking me, it had been for months now, and I hadn’t let him win. Not once.

“What?”

“I’m so sorry for everything, Harry,” I repeat, pulling back to find his greens swarmed by tears. Swiping my thumb under them, I catch the way that they leak with sadness. “For how horribly I’ve treated you this last month, and how . . how I forgot that you- you lost our baby too.”

“Oh, honey. You don’t have to-,” he begins, adamant in his apology. One that I won’t accept.

“No, but I do have to apologize,” I sob, surprised at the way I’m shocked by the rough feeling of his cheeks. It had been so long since I’d touched him like this, despite watching him grow his beard out. “My dad, he . . he put it into perspective for me. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before, I hate myself for that, for-.”

“Hey, don’t hate yourself for anything. This last month has been a Hell we never thought we’d have to endure. Something we shouldn’t have to deal with, and one that isn’t our fault,” he insists, thumbing at the place where a dimple would usually fall in my left cheek. I’d forgotten it was there, just like I’d done the same to him.

“But all you’ve been doing is trying to take care of me, and I made that so hard for you,” comes my cry against his palm, feeling the way he holds me together from breaking for the thousandth time. No, that would imply I’d have been put back together, but that wasn’t something I’d done. “You tried to make me eat and I fought you on it until you stopped talking about it. I argued with you and ignored you when you were just trying to keep the world going, but you never stopped, even though I did. You didn’t stop living and loving me when I stopped.”

“Becks, it’s okay,” he repeats, the words sliding into my ears as my hand wanders to his neck. A hoodie with cartoons from our childhoods dons his upper half, tattoos peeking out from the color. I found the charm of his necklace instantaneously, something I could do in the dark.

“But it’s not, Harry. It’s not okay how I treated you. I forgot you and that you’ve been mourning the loss of your child too. Our b-baby,” I whimper, sniffling when I inhale uneasily. My fingers shake before me until he takes hold of my hand, surrounding it with his own before pressing it to his lips. “I’m so sorry.”

“I forgive you, Becks. I always will,” Harry says, tucking his chin over my head when I melt against him. “I meant it that first night after we came home and you disappeared on me . . We lost our baby, our child, and I can’t . . I can’t lose you too, Rebecca. I have, time and time again, and I can’t do it again. I’ve hardly stayed pieced together lately being so far away from each other like we have . . God, the only thing that kept me going was just thinking, ‘one more day’ for so many days.”

Hiccuping, my hands brace themselves against his taut back, feeling his own drift along my spine. Shaking my head against the crook of his neck, I struggle to breathe, let alone speak, “I’m so sorry, Harry. I can’t believe how awful I was to you. We’re supposed to get married soon, and I can’t even live up to that in sickness and health part of the vows.”

He continued to murmur assurances that everything was okay, and for the first time in a long while, I found myself believing him. Crying against his neck, I heard his own shed tears onto mine as my hands rubbed circles into his shoulders.

“I’m sorry I got mad at you that day for going to work, even though you asked me and I said it was okay . . And-.”

“Shhh, it’s okay. You don’t have to do that, Becks,” he assures me, pressing a kiss to my head. Again, I believe him, and it feels easier to breathe. Just in the slightest.

“I was such a bitch to you.”

Something sparks inside of my chest at the sound I hear next, one that had been lost along the way. His laugh. His song.

“I’ve been known to be quite the dick on one or two occasions, as well,” I savor the glint that appears in his eyes upon pulling away. It had been one of the first times I was able to lift my head since before all of this had happened, because it had been better just to hide. No, not now.

The quirk to his lips is a full on tilt now, and through them, I’m reminded of what drew me to this man in the first place. It was those eyes and that smile that made me melt upon impact. Well, then there’s the sunshine they share, and how I taste it when his lips meet mine for really the first time in what, a month. Emotion pulls at me from somewhere underneath at the thought, but he makes me forget rather quickly. He’s always been good at that.

His peppermint chapstick sticks to my lips after he’s pulled away several seconds later, trying to catch his breath. The cobwebs have been dusted away in more ways than one, and it feels weird at first, wrong almost, but I laugh. It catches him by surprise too and his eyes focus on me, and only grow brighter.

“I’ve missed kissing you, and laughing with you,” Harry grins, pressing one more to my lips before brushing his nose against mine.

“So have I. I’m s-.”

“I swear, if you say that word one more time,” he tuts, shaking his head with his bottom lip caught between his teeth.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to figure out something,” he says, sighing for the dramatic effect. I giggle along with him a moment later, remembering the flecks of gold hidden in his eyes. I remember a lot, too much almost, and the gold is gone as my eyes flood once more. “I know it’s hard, Becks. Something has never been this difficult for me . . for you either. But we have to talk, and I’ve been aching for ages now to talk to you . . I don’t want to ignore it, because they shouldn’t be forgotten. Our daughter. We need to talk about them, about her,” I’m nodding before he can finish, feeling his warm lips against my forehead as I focus on my breaths. “In and out, bug. In and out. We can do this. We’ll start slow.”

I haven’t stopped nodding, but once my lungs start to work again, I pull away and find his eyes once more. It comes to me and I can’t hold it back in anymore, knowing I need to say it first. To tell him.

“Okay, let’s talk about o-our daughter,” I begin, cringing at the sound of my voice breaking already. He nods, cupping my face in his palm, the sweetest of looks on his face.