#i'll probably delete these tags

[tea-cat-arts]

Sometimes I wonder what Jiang Cheng could've become if his parents didn't instill a mix of "crippling fear of failure" and "impossibly high standards" in him. Cuz like, his dad was holding him to the vague standard of being as good as wwx, his mom yelling at him whenever he goofed around like wwx, and then both of them expressed disappointment when he's less successful than wwx. The thing both of them seem to ignore though is that wwx got where he is entirely because he had the freedom to fuck around and find out- he trained tirelessly because he made training fun for himself, he was innovative as a cultivators because he experimented and persisted through failures, and he was able to act in line with the Jiang clan moto because his actions had less political pull than members of the main family. Jiang Cheng on the other hand- if he fucked around he got told to "stop stooping to the level of servants." If his achievements were lesser than wwx's, he got either dismissed by his dad or yelled at by his mom to try harder. And if he picked fights with the Wens, they'd have an excuse to destroy his clan. Like ya- no shit that'd create an adult who's terrified of failure.

The kite game serves as such a good metaphor/embodiment of this set back- with Jiang Cheng never being able to shoot as far as Wei Wuxian because he pulls back and shoots closer the second he misses.

And its sad too because he's shown to be pretty brilliant when he's in "fuck it, we ball" mode. Like, when he's not freezing up, he manages to pull off things like rebuilding his entire clan from the ground up, leading armies and taking back territories from the Wens, and I'm fairly sure he's the only character we see counter the Lan music cultivation techniques (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on that last one. Also feel free to add any of the other cool shit he did that I'm blanking on at the moment, cuz I know I'm forgetting something).

That being said- even with his anxiety, he's still one of the top cultivators. Imagine what a force of nature he'd be if he could sustain "fuck it we ball" mode

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I get a particularly nasty message, I always check to see if they're following me first. Nine times out of ten, they're not. But they're also, unfortunately, the same people who feel entitled to send me multiple messages in a row, most of them heavily steeped in the language of moralization and purity.

Like whenever I talk about painkillers or pain management, I always get a handful of well-meaning people who are maybe new to my blog or are just young, asking me if I've tried diet/exercise/meditation, etc.

Sometimes I'll respond to them. Other times I'll just ignore them because I get those kinds of messages so often it's like white noise, and maybe part of me hopes if they stick around on my blog, they'll learn it through exposure via my incessant bitching.

When you see me responding to someone offering that kind of advice, it's either because I'm at my fucking limit or because I'm hoping it's a teachable moment and an otherwise seemingly nice person might unlearn some harmful biases.

The people who don't follow me are not interested in any kind of conversation on the subject. They do, however, feel the most qualified to tell me, someone they didn't know existed until one of my posts crossed their dash, how to manage my life, everything I'm doing wrong, and why I'm a bad person.

And for them, my disability is proof that I am a bad person because they view health as a moral issue.

If you're sick, it's because you don't exercise enough, don't eat the right foods, don't pray enough, don't do enough. They genuinely believe that if they say and do all the right things, like a Good Person, they'll never get sick.

It's their security blanket against the harsh reality that anyone is one bad day away from disability. One faulty gene, one bad infection, one bad accident away from a life-long diagnosis. And if they do get sick, it's a test. A challenge to be overcome with Willpower as they learn the True Meaning of Life.

It can never just be a simple fact of life that sickness happens. That disability exists without a moral reason.

And it's suffocating.

Day in, day out. Folks who don't know me from fucking Eve telling me I'm being punished. Not always as outright as that. They don't always use that word. But sometimes I appreciate it when they do because at least then they're being honest. They're not couching it in the softer language of leftist circles. Not hiding it behind concern.

Because the truth is, there are just as many folks who think they're liberal and enlightened who'd be happy if disabled people just stopped existing. They don't like thinking about us because it makes them think about themselves. About their own fragility and mortality, and they hate that. They hate that there's something they can't control with their thoughts and actions. That they can't moralize their way out of.

Honestly, it's a relief when people are just cunts about it because I can hit the block button, safe in the knowledge that they were never the kind of person who would see me as a person. But when it's some 20yo kid with their pronouns, orientation, and "ACAB" in their profile spouting the same kind of moralization, sometimes even with the language of eugenics, it feels like such a betrayal. Like a loss.

And perhaps if I wasn't multiply disabled, I'd have the energy to pull them back. To tell them why they're wrong and hope like hell they realize what they're doing is harmful. But then, if I wasn't disabled, they wouldn't be messaging me, so I wouldn't be dealing with it.

I wouldn't be expected to use my existence as a teachable moment to spoon-feed them compassion. But I am, and I do. When I can. Not always with the grace that's warranted. Not always with the thought and compassion I ought to. (And I don't; I acknowledge that. I'm prone to anger and off-the-cuff remarks that are hurtful too. Though I try to keep most of it to myself or save it for therapy.)

Basically, if you've made it this far through the TED talk, don't be fucking cunts to disabled people. Don't tell chronically ill people to try yoga. Don't moralize pain relief. Suffering is not noble.

You need to kill the cop and the priest in your head telling you otherwise.

And also if you're the nice people sending me nice messages. Thank you. It helps cushion all of *gestures* this.

[mariusrenathyrs-crashout]

#going back to my 'marius' vampirism is a metaphor for the lasting trauma of sexual abuse' idea#marius is my roman empire

So I did a funny joke post about Marius and this was one of the tags left on it and I'm so sorry prev but you've activated my trap card because I've thought so much about this topic, but have felt too afraid to talk about it unprompted lol. But I am going to spew my guts about how I feel about this symbolism so cw for talks about SA and victim blaming. Cause I have for sure thought about this a lot and gotten sort of heated about jokes about Marius just being a dumb horny knight when he's a whole ass victim of significant trauma.

(tag credit goes to @royhasissues, hope it's ok to post your tags)

So, I loove Marius and one of the main reasons for that is his relationship to trauma and what that both symbolizes for his character as well as how it determines his actions and emotional stability as of episode 32.

Marius Renathyr was someone who thrived off of structure, order and discipline. He was clearly a highly religious man and had followed his religious and orderly tenants to the letter for most of his life. A young Marius was focused on things like war, helping to defend his people and more specifically, protecting his king and best friend from forces that wished for their ruin. As such, I cannot imagine a young Marius really had any type of experience with relationships aside from platonic and brotherly relationships he had built with fellow knights or Victor. So already we have a young inexperienced knight going off on a quest where not only is he leaving the shelter of his kingdom for the first time, he's also on a time limit in which his success or failure could determine the future of an entire kingdom of people.

Then, vulnerable and half starved, he stumbles upon the Duchess who not only takes advantage of his physically weakened state; but also takes advantage of his emotional and mentally weakened state. Lilith as a temptress of course could tempt a young knight, and then to curse him with vampirism after tricking him into sleeping with her is back to back traumatic events - the vamprism something that could be interpreted as a punishment for failing his tenant of chastity. Something that I found interesting too is not only is his kingdom's symbol a rose, but it also is the same symbol as The Duchess - it brings to mind the idea of "deflowering" as a symbol of lost innocence.

From there, he has fought against his vampiric instincts which he viewed as a curse and a punishment for his weakness when in reality, it was not weakness at all. And the way some people react in a sort of joking or unserious way to his attitude towards sleeping with someone, his concerns of being trapped in a power scale imbalance with a strong and powerful woman also shows how his character reflects victim blaming both from others but also internalized victim blaming. It is why I think the scene of his friends trying to convince him to sleep with the Inquisitor only for Yorgrim to shut it down and back Marius up is such a powerful scene because it showed how some of his friends did not understand the level of trauma he had experienced despite how he bares literal physical reminders of the trauma he had experienced decades prior and how it still weighs so heavily on him.

Not to mention how Marius' bloodlust and how his aversion to getting too close to people - particularly Lethica who he shows clear romantic feelings for - is also symbolic of his trauma reactions. He is unable to allow himself that sort of closeness or intimacy with another person, even if there is no sexual motivation or undertones about their interactions, it's still a fear response of wishing to avoid any possibility of being harmed once again or lashing out due to that trauma.

And mind you, this is all worsening for him around the same time he comes to realize he's lost his connection to his God, his king and best friend he went on this quest for is dead, 2 of his closest friends are also dead, and many other awful horrors have befallen him and his group, it makes sense why his emotional and mental stability have started crumbling so drastically. And then, when he is at his lowest, who swoops in to whisper false promises and telling him he can be strong once more, protected once more, that this all can be worth it if he just listens to her? The one being who gave him this trauma in the first place. She swoops in and talks to him tenderly, who caresses him and tells him it'll be ok, that he can be what he was once more, that she will help him if only he listens to her and stays with her and loves her and nobody else. Nobody else. There's a lack of clarity, a lack of stability, of rational thought. Marius entrusts himself to her now because it's hard escaping from your abuser when they act like they're your protector instead.

[teaboot]

It's getting really old seeing you answering the same dumbass anons every day, please ignore them, you are literally feeding the trolls and it's getting annoying

oh god how funny would it be if I ignored this

[feboweeble]

Hey, I'm back, I think-

Have some messy scratches while I learn to draw again

[haroldherald]

chiikawanaire... detentioniikawa??? i have no excuses my brain just had an itch so i scratched it

[falloutnewnobody]

sorry to rant but i hate tiktok so much there's a trend where people go to art exhibits and stand in front of works they think they could've made (which in and of itself i hate) but i saw a tiktok today of someone doing that trend in front of (untitled) portrait of Ross in LA and i actually felt physically ill. i wont link the video bc i dont want op getting harassed or anything and i'd feel gross about sharing it.

and like multiple people commented how fucking disrespectful and ignorant that was and proceeded to get flooded with hundreds of replies of people (including the op) being like "lmao its just a pile of candy its not that deep," or "just because it apparently has a meaning that doesnt mean that it's not stupid and/or easy enough for a toddler to do,"

which like... first of all i'm disgusted at the disrespect people are showing to such a beautiful, meaningful, and tactful piece is insane. i'm actually gobsmacked.

secondly like, yeah, everyone can create art dipshit it came free with your fucking humanity. just because a piece doesn't require a lot of technical skill (and in this example i think the simplicity of execution plays into the themes and message of the piece) doesnt make it or the themes it conveys any less valuable or interesting. part of the point of art museums is to consider beauty and meaning in both the innovative and mundane.

i don't even have an argument like i'm just apalled by the kinda shit these people are saying and how it reflects on society that so many people are insulting such a powerful and emotionally driven piece in such a vitriolic and unwilling to learn way.

[essenceofarda]

I know this may sound weird to say out loud but damn do I wish my tolkien fanart/fanfic/fandom content was at all "smart" :/

Idk if that means more 'meta', or if just more profound/intellectual, but it's been really striking me lately that my art is just not all that great, particularly my tolkien fanart. It just feels very surface level entertainment, budget-friendly stuff, and not exactly anything to write home about, kind of vibe? Which like, there's nothing particularly wrong with that, since that kind of entertainment does have its value, imo

But I wish my tolkien fandom content was just a bit more...? idk, good, maybe.

[vignirek]

Wukong + Macaque headcanons (part 3)

(part one & part two of previous hcs)

Wukong

- optional headcanon 1: in JTTW the monkeys all adopt Wukong's surname "Sun" (if I remember that part correctly), so perhaps in the Monkie Kid universe the monkeys still share Wukong's surname like they're all one family in a sense (and maybe it also applied to Macaque while he still lived on the mountain)

- has less scars than Macaque, but the ones he does have are from pretty severe injuries that his immortality was unable to heal for various reasons (and maybe he got some of them from before he became immortal and didn't have op regeneration abilities yet) - his favorite flavor is sweet and he dislikes spicy + bitter foods (while Macaque is the opposite, though he does eat moderately sweet things) - Wukong's fur is short and soft, while Macaque's fur is long and smooth - he and Macaque were the troop's go-to babysitters when the monkey parents wanted some rest from taking care of their babies (after their fallout, Wukong had to be the babysitter all by himself, but then Macaque started picking up his babysitter duties again since his return to the mountain after S4) - likes to play videogames in his spare time, his favorite types are tower defense and fighting games (while Macaque's favorites are fighting games and story-driven games) bonus: they're mutually afraid of horror/scary games (partially inspired by Monarch and Cyyu playing Mortuary Assistant) - optional headcanon 2: Wukong became depressed sometime after the journey, but he's been isolated on his mountain for so long that he doesn't even see it as a problem (and even if he did, he'd just deploy his good ol' "ignore the problem until it's not a problem" tactic) (it definitely wouldn't work all the time though) bonus thought: at some point Macaque realizes that his ex-best friend is depressed and starts secretly helping him out by making him proper meals and making sure he always has a set of clean clothes available (and just doing the house chores in general) (he feels like a jerk for always clowning on Wukong for being smelly after realizing this, so perhaps he does the chores as a way of making it up to Wukong) - he and Macaque used to have a very intertwined/synced fighting style; now they're grown used to fighting separately after their fallout, but they can still subconsciously slip into the familiar pattern sometimes - headcanon for funsies: he/she genderfluid

Macaque

- continuation & sorta update of my headcanon where Macaque has another name besides "Six Eared Macaque" - still kinda stuck on which one would be most fitting for him, but I've narrowed it down to my three favorite options after a lot of digging:

1) "Fēng Wǔ" (风舞/"wind dance"; my main interpretation is that it's a nod to his manner of dancing being light and carefree like the wind (in my headcanon at least))

2) "Yǐng Wǔ" (影舞/"shadow dance"; somewhat similar to "wind dance", but with his shadow powers, could be interpreted as him guiding his shadows in a dance of sorts)

3) "Jiāo Yè" (姣夜/"charming night"; mostly a nod to his black fur and maybe his appearance in general- perhaps the backstory behind this name is that Wukong gave Macaque a nickname in an attempt to help him feel less self-conscious about his own appearance, and the nickname eventually grew into an actual name that Macaque started using)

(note: I'm absolutely not an expert on chinese names and these options are mostly results of me slapping together chinese characters and seeing which ones sound good together in theory- so don't expect them to be 100% accurate to how chinese names actually work)

- has a big amount of scars from various past scuffles that happened before and after his resurrection (mostly because he doesn't heal quickly like Wukong does, so Macaque is not as "untouchable" as him)

- very good at vocal mimicry (basically he copies people's voices really well) and can adjust his voice to copy anyone he hears (his ears help him a lot with that, bc he can easily copy the voice just by listening closely)

- optional headcanon 1: Macaque gets a pair of headphones at some point and spends at least a couple hours a day listening to music; one of his favorite genres is metal (though overall his music tastes range from gentle tunes to something more like rock or metal) and he sometimes sings along (he typically goes into a room covered in noise-cancelling spells to do it) (maybe he takes those precautions because one time he got too into it and received multiple noise complaints the next day /j)

- the vision in his right eye (from his point of view) is pretty bad because of the injury, he's pretty much considered legally half-blind in that regard; the most he can see is blurry moving shapes, but he tries to make up for it with his hearing, so usually the blind right eye is not much of a hindrance to him, though he refuses to get glasses or lenses of any kind for vague reasons - prone to losing his appetite when he's really sick or stressed (he struggles maintaining a healthy weight because of that) - optional headcanon 2: Macaque had already been living on FFM for some time, but then one day he witnessed Wukong hatching from his egg and basically went "oh cool, new friend c:" and brought him along, and afterwards they became friends (basically he's older in this backstory interpretation) - in terms of shapeshifting, Macaque's strengths are in disguising himself as other people, while Wukong is more proficient with the 72 transformations (they can do both, but Macaque only has a few animal forms and hides his tail, while Wukong has his tail at all times when he's transformed into an animal or is using a disguise) - used to be fond of peaches, but after so much baggage involving Wukong, they taste almost bittersweet to him and he rarely eats them nowadays - a decent teacher when he puts his mind to it (he's typically the more organized one when it comes to teaching, though he isn't afraid to push limitations when he feels it's necessary) - headcanon for funsies: he/they nonbinary

[nariz-teatime]

Ibis paint ate the quality of the image im ending it 🎀

Og under cut if you're interested

[sam-sam75]

PROGRESS UPDATE ON CHAPTER 5: I have not been writing it 💀 Every time I try, I end up writing scenes that belong in future chapters 😭 I promise I am still working on the fic, it's just that I'm working on the wrong parts of it oops.

Also I MAY end up being pretty busy for most of July... I've got some Life Stuff to do, which if I'm being so fr I'm WORRIED ABOUT HAHA.

Anyway I know I said the next chapter would come out sooner than last time, but those odds aren't looking great if I'm being honest. So yeah, I guess this post is just to say "yes I am still working on the fic, but no it will not be updating soon."

Oh and btw we can now add "Dentist Office" to the list of "Weirdest Places Sam Has Written Fanfic"

[ogsherlockholmes]

Where's that post about projecting period pains onto fictional characters? I need it for reasons...

Projecting my period pains onto Charles Augustus Milverton aka the Napoleon of Blackmail. I would also project them onto Professor Moriarty aka the Napoleon of Crime (siblings or dating) but honestly I have more respect for his game (dicking around then falling of a waterfall) whereas Milverton was homophobic and a general cunt.

[longagoitwastuesday]

Heathcliff and Hareton. To me

[lunar-wandering]

i don't think i've gotten over reading those few chapters of that one version of the Bible we used for a university class cause it was so fucking jarring like;

the version of the Bible I grew up with: god is a gentle but occasionally strict father who genuinely cares for his children and creations. as punishment for eating the apple, Eve and all her descendants will now experience the pains of childbirth + periods.

the version of the Bible a lot of people have read, apparently: God is an Authoritative Figure to be Feared, and you must do anything to please him and avoid punishment. as punishment for eating the apple, Eve and all her descendants must now serve Men, forever. oh and also the childbirth and period thing.

like. wow. holy shit. a lot of Specific People's behaviour makes a Lot More Sense if that's the version they grew up with. I mean, "respect all figures of authority and do whatever you can to please them Or Else" sure is something that would fuck someone's brain up

[unusualmourning]

Y'all ever just see someone make the dumbest headcanon about a character, and you have to force yourself to scroll because it's not worth the energy to even think about it?

[chidouna]

Today's the day to..........drum roll

That's right!!! Ask everyone's favorite (not really) vice president anything! (ask questions in the ask box rather than in the replies please!).

Rosalyn doesn't mind suggestive questions, but NSFW questions won't be entertained by her. Other than that she's perfectly fine with questions :)

Though keep in mind that Rosalyn has a lot of work to do! Being the vice president whilst juggling your classes is not easy, so it'll be awhile before Rosalyn starts to answer your questions. So please be patient with her!