#i'll have more news in the future because i really want people to read this short story
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encrucijada · 7 months ago
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amazing news regarding my modern sort of retelling of theseus and the minotaur 🐮
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i'm in an anthology book now
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mel-loly · 1 year ago
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-“Oh, school has to be something serious, especially this year/something like that!”
The things I did when I was at school (especially in computer class):
TW: cigarette
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I have a lot of memories, and this is certainly one of the most important/best/funniest in my life. I'm really going to miss everything... and I'm already crying lol..
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trolagygirl2022 · 2 months ago
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Your future spouse's favourite thing about you! PAC reading
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pick your image!
Pile 1: King of Pentacles, 5 of Swords, 4 of Pentacles, Page of Wands rev.
Ok so your future spouse is really going to like your bold and strong personality. The song that popped up in my head was "Boss B*tch" by Doja Cat. I see you having this cool aura and not letting people walk over you. You can come off as intimidating or strong but you do have a soft side to you :) I see your future spouse being really intrigued by your vibe. I'm also seeing money here, perhaps some of you have good jobs. You might have gone through some issues where you used to get walked over and people would treat you in a negative way. Now you're healing and you don't let negative people in your life. You're not arrogant or rude but you're willing to set boundaries for yourself. I see you guys having quite some confidence! What also popped up in my mind is a powerful lady wearing dark red. Like those vibes are heavily coming out in this reading!! A lot of powerful woman vibes! (You don't have to be a woman but I hope you're getting the vision that's popping up in my mind hehe).
Pile 2: The Magician, 6 of Cups, 9 of Swords, 8 of Pentacles, 7 of Swords, 2 of Wands.
Okay Pile two, I see your future spouse really liking your creative side! It seems that we have a lot of creatives here! From tarot to arts and craft, to singing and crocheting!! There's some activity that you're either really skilled at or just enjoy that your future spouse will find cute about you. It seems to be something you're quite passionate about and enjoy doing it. (Some of you guys might have even taken it as far as to do a little side hustle with it!). Your future spouse doesn't only see your craft but they also see your hardworking side and the amount of effort and precision that's put into this. I'll interpret the 7 of Swords as some of you that might have thought that you're not as good at whatever you do. I see some of you guys having little to no confidence. This doesn't have to do with your art work but also your self esteem in general, I see your future spouse heavily disagreeing with this because they'll love your personality and whatever you do!
Pile 3: 8 of Swords, Death rev, The Empress, The Devil, Ace of Swords, 6 of Swords.
Sooo pile 3, I see your future spouse being very interested in your appearance, especially your body 👀. It's not like in a creepy way that they're objectifying you or anything but I see them just really like your appearance and your features. Your energy reminds me of the The Empress card (I'm using the modern witch deck). She's confident in herself and her body. I see you guys having this sort of aura that pulls your future spouse in. They might find themselves feeling very drawn to you, almost like a spell ahahaha. Your future spouses might at first be attracted to this and this might lead them to want to know more about you and find themselves being a bit intimidated? Like when you're a bit intimidated around someone but you still want to get with them. Some of you guys might have partners from a different ethnicity/race/nationality. I see your partner really liking your culture and would try to learn a lot about it. Like they might try to learn your language and travel to your home place. For this pile your future spouse will put in a lot of effort to understand you 🥺.
Pile 4: The Tower, The Hermit, Page of Wands, 4 of Pentacles, 10 of Swords, Death.
This pile seems to be the shyiest of them all! Some of y'all might be naturally shy while the other side might have been sort of "bullied" into being introverted. There's a lot of heavy energy in this pile, a lot of you guys have a lot of heavy baggage that you're still suffering the effects of. The hermit tells me that a lot of you guys like to keep to yourselves and stay alone. You might not go out of wanting to connect with people because you're worried and scared about new connections. You close yourself out so you'll probably be quite hesitant when it comes to starting a new connection with your future spouse. I see them trying though even though you'll be a bit stubborn. They'll like it though, I see them wanting to chase you and do their best to get with you. They'll be intrigued by your mysterious presence and will want to know more about you! Not like they're trying to be nosey but they're just very curious about you!
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canisalbus · 20 days ago
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Hi! A little life update.
At the end of October I wrote that I was deep in a depression spiral and due to unexpected occurrences I had been left with basically no income for several months. I had emptied my savings at that point and was feeling extremely stressed, sick and hopeless.
I just want to thank everyone who reached out and offered support or even looked up my ko-fi info and sent me a donation. It was an unfathomably kind thing to do and helped me tremendously. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I was at the end of my tether, I had 1,70€ in my bank account at that moment. I was sleeping four hours per night on average because my insomnia was so out of control, and had more or less stopped eating, after surviving on nothing but porridge, bread, apples and buttered pasta for close to a month. Things were kind of dire. No one has ever showed me that kind of unprompted generosity before, irl or online. Thinking that people I've never even met were willing to support me like that both warms my heart and makes me feel kind of guilty and undeserving. I'm not used to being treated like that. I hope I didn't make you feel pressured to get involved. It did genuinely help me put myself back together though. The next day I went and bought some essential groceries and getting to eat properly was a massive boost in terms of energy and mood. I'm doing a little better now. I finally managed to get the financial situation corrected, but it'll take months before my finances recover and I'll be able to go shopping without feeling paranoid about counting every cent and hating myself if I buy a small treat. I mentioned that my seven years old, well-served laptop is on it's last legs, so the remaining funds are going towards putting together a new PC, hopefully soon. I don't really have any product or extra content to offer you as a thank you for the ko-fi donations I received, but I hope it's at least nice to think that they're directly enabling me to continue making more art in the future.
I'm still struggling with intense anxiety every day, and it has caused me to develope some kind of impostor syndrome that is impacting my online presence negatively at the moment. I look at the things I try to draw and the asks I get, and feel like nothing I create, say or write is good enough or worth people's time and attention. I'm having hard time opening up like I used to, and I miss the interactions I used to have here, they were an immense source of inspiration and motivation to me. But I'm trying to work on that, and hoping that posting stuff will start to feel more natural again eventually. This got a little long, but thanks for reading! I hope life treats you well.
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ihavethedreamies · 4 months ago
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Good Enough | Jisung
Park Jisung - NCT Dream
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Rating: M (18+) MDNI
Word Count: ~6.3k [more than half is smut btw]
Pairing: Jisung x AFAB!Older!Reader
Genre: Reader-Insert, Smut, Some Plot, Friends/Roommates-to-Lovers, Absolute Filth
!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!
Summary: Jisung is tired of his noona treating him like her little sweet baby.
Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Pet Names (Noona, Sweetheart), Swearing, Very Dirty Talk, Kissing, Lots of Tongue, One Spank, Oral (M! & F! Receiving), Deepthroating, Face-Fucking, Rimming (Just a tad), Size Difference, Size Kink, Soft-Dom! Jisung (oof), Sub! Reader, Breeding/Creampie Kink, Overstimulation, Squirting, Unprotected Sex (Use a condom! Reader is on the pill)
Author's Note: I had a mental breakdown while writing this lol. This might not acutally be the filthiest thing I have written, but it feels like it because of who it's for…for some reason. It's hard for me to believe that Jisung got so fucking hot, because I remember him sitting on Taeyong's lap, but he's a MAN now. i'll sit on his lap
P.S. FUCK
I am cross-posting this on Archive and Wattpad. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other sites. Happy reading!
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"He's my precious."
"Your roommate is your precious?" Jisung heard voices creeping in from the living room. Groggily, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, head peeking out of his blanket cocoon. He was still jet lagged after getting back from Korea, so it was about 3 pm.
"Yes. And he's not just my roommate-"
"He's your precious?"
"Yes. But! I was going to say he is my best friend…and my precious baby boy."
"Seriously? Isn't he only like two or three years younger?"
"My precious baby Jisung." He huffed at your coo, dropping his head back on his pillow in annoyance. For some reason his summer trip back home to see his parents triggered something in him. Jisung was suddenly extremely displeased with your relationship. He missed you horribly and you were pretty much the only thing he talked about. Once he was informed by his mother that he likely had fallen in love with you, he was…upset. More with himself at first for not realizing it, but then looking at how you two interacted, he got cranky. He was not your precious baby Jisung, he's a man dammit, had been for nearly four years. Did you see him that way though? Not even remotely. He was a step above a puppy, at least you accepted he was a human. But you constantly went on about how cute he was, and sweet, and 'a bean'; whatever than meant. You had even called him your son on a few occasions, and even though they were mostly in jest and unserious, now they really pissed him off. Jisung didn't want you to see him as your son (maybe give you one) but what really was bugging him barely made any sense. He had only heard you say it once, but it stuck in his mind…
"You realize half of the people on campus want to fuck him, right?" He was in his final year of college, and the only reason you were still in college was because you had stuck around to work for the IT department. Your friend's question was not news to him, but he was much too shy to go for any of the advances he had received. He was also much too in love with you, but he hadn't known that till literally the month before, but it made sense.
"Not allowed."
"Why?"
"Precious baby."
"He's not a baby, (Y/N). Not even close." You didn't reply for a bit, and he could vividly picture your distasteful expression.
"He might not actually be one, but he’s, my baby. My baby Jisung."
"(Y/N)." Your friend's annoyed tone was not nearly strong enough to match the levels he was feeling. Definitely not able to continue his nap, he sat up aggressively from his bed, kicking at his blankets before wrangling his comforter and throwing it onto the floor. Resting his elbow on his knee, he then rested his forehead on his hand, trying to breathe out his ire so he could leave his room without being visibly grumpy.
"My sister wants to ask him out."
"No."
"Why not?"
"No one is good enough."
"No one?"
"Nope, not even me." That was it, you said it. That simple thought was what really set him over the edge. You were the only one good enough, no one else could even be close to you in his eyes. Finally, the anger boiled over and he climbed off his bed, putting a sweatshirt on so quickly that he had to wrestle it in his haste. You kept the apartment so freaking cold… You must have heard him wrench his door open because your conversation immediately stopped. He stormed down the hall, even his socked feet were heavy on the laminate wood floor, so much so that when he came to the mouth of the hallway, you were looking at him with a shocked expression. You were sitting at the coffee table with your friend Hana, various papers spread on the surface while your friend studied for her graduate classes. Your green snake Squishmallow sat on your lap, and he wanted to grab it and throw it across the room, suddenly jealous with how close it was pressed to your chest.
"Ji?" It was clear you didn't think he heard your conversation, but Hana immediately realized, starting to gather her homework.
"I'm gonna go." She nearly shoved the papers into her folder and threw everything else in her bag.
"What? Why?" You turned back to her, and he then realized what you were wearing. Your slightly damp hair had moved out of the way, revealing the design on the back of your baggy t-shirt. It was his.
"Wait, Hana?!" You tried to get up and go after her as she dashed from your apartment, shooting Jisung a look as she shut the door. You had to shove the table to get up better, and even as you stood, you still clutched the plushie to you. Jisung exhaled harshly, storming forward and grabbing your Squishmallow and yeeting her onto the floor.
"Woah?! What'd she do to you?" You motioned to her with your hand, giving him a questioning look. You started to bend and pick her up, but his hand grabbed your wrist, pulling you back up and toward him, making your balance falter. Your bewildered eyes scanned over his face, but you still had no anger in them. Not even annoyance. You couldn't get mad at your baby boy.
"Ji?" His big hand easily held your wrist, and you squeaked when he dragged you even closer to him, so much that you could feel his breath flutter your hair over your forehead. His brow was furrowed, lips pressed tight to each other, but he couldn't seem to meet your eyes.
"Hey, you okay?" Your other hand came up to brush some of your hair away from your face, only leaving it down to dry. Your fingers then moved to his face, trying to brush his bangs out of his eyes. Having you so close and seeing how far you had to reach made him realize how small you were. He was well over half a foot taller than you and he wondered how small you would look under him. When your fingers brushed his cheek, his other hand grabbed yours, easily swallowing it in his grip. Jisung held your hand, pulling it closer, and laid your hands over his heart. With his other, he yanked you the last little bit, so you were pressed to him, wide eyes rapidly scanning his face. Your head was tilted back, almost painfully so, still not recognizing what was happening. The hand around your wrist moved so his thumb could rub your skin till it pressed against your palm. Your gaze went to your hand then, shocked at how small it was compared to his, and you seemed to be registering how small you were compared to him in general. Did he really grow so much since you had met him four years before? Your gaze went back to his face, finally seeming to notice that his face had changed as well. Yes, he was still cute, but he had become devastatingly handsome, maturing into a…man. No, he wasn't a baby anymore, but you were in denial. Even then, pressed against him, even able to feel his toned muscles through his sweatshirt, you kept trying to convince yourself he was still your baby Jisung.
"Jisung?" You exhaled his name, so quiet that if he wasn't so close, he wouldn't have heard. Your eyes followed his when they flicked down to watch your lips move when you whispered his name.
"What makes you think you're not good enough for me?" His voice rumbled through you, its deepness shocking you for some reason. When had that happened? You were so thrown off by the pitch of his voice you barely registered his question.
"Huh?"
"No one else is good enough for me, because they're not you." His hand had dropped your wrist so his arm could wrap around you, and he pressed his cheek to the side of your head. He nuzzled your soft hair, the familiar scent of your shampoo soothing his anger some.
"What?" You stood still, stiff even, trying to process what was happening.
"I don’t want to be your baby Jisung anymore, noona. I just want to be yours." He was a bit surprised with his sudden eloquence, but he just chocked it up to all his upset burning away any shyness he had in the moment. The anger had faded, and he was just upset, tired again, praying in his head that you would get the fucking hint. Your hand, the one he let go, had rested on his chest for balance, then he felt your fingers clutch the fabric of his sweatshirt. With his fingers wrapped around your right hand still, he could feel that your pulse had quickened, and you were minutely shaking.
"Y-you…?" You swallowed hard, tongue running over your lips, mouth feeling dry.
"I thought I just had a crush on you. I don't. I love you." His softened voice floated right into your ear with how his head rested on yours. The back of your nose and throat burned as you swallowed hard, tears sparking in the corners of your eyes. When you hiccupped, sniffing, he flinched, pulling back from you. It was only just enough that he could see your face, his arm still around you, hand still in his over his heart.
"Noona." He sighed softly, dipping and kissing the corner of your eye where a tear had slipped down your cheek. Nope, that made it worse. You burst into tears, chest heaving, and he pulled you back into him. You were…dramatic sometimes. Cried easily. Too easily even. Jisung loved to tease you for crying at a commercial where a little girl brought a quilt out to her sheep in the barn close to Christmas. You also tended to cry around puppies.
"I-I…I-!" Your breath was heaving too much for you to really talk. His nose nuzzled your hair, and he kissed the crown of your head. You sniffed, taking a few deep breaths.
"I love you too." you whispered, if you spoke any louder your sobs would take back over. He didn't know, but while he was gone you were in a much similar situation. You went to visit your parents as well, but it was just an hour or so drive, not across the world practically. You missed him so much, and wouldn't shut up about him, but your mother knew you well enough to see read between the lines. Because it startled you, having romantic feelings for Jisung, you became even more dramatic with the 'baby Jisung' talk.  He was your best friend, and so of course you loved him, but you couldn't admit you were in love with him. You were so worried about ruining your friendship that you just ignored your logical thoughts and pretended you hadn't fallen for him. Nearly fighting him when he pulled back from the hug again, you stayed pressed to him, not wanting him to see your face. Not only was it red from your blush, but it was also blotchy from your crying and your nose was close to running.
"Noona." He huffed a laugh, trying to get you off of him. You gripped his sweatshirt tighter.
"(Y/N)." Jisung was fully laughing at that point, partially from your actions and partially from how ecstatic he was that you loved him back.
"No."
"Noona."
"No." Finally, with a bit more force, he pulled back so you could see each other's faces. The warmest smile you had ever seen was on his face and you froze when he leaned in closer. His forehead bumped yours and his nose crinkled, cringing a bit at his own actions but it made you giggle, which made it all worth it.
"Since when?" you asked. He laughed bashfully, lips pursing.
"I didn't realize how bad it was till a few weeks ago while I was still in Korea. But…I knew before that. Something made me realize…"
"What?" You were shocked when his giddy but shy face fell into one of panic.
"W-what?" His face bloomed red, all the way to the tips of his ears and he tried to bow his head to avoid your gaze, but you could just look up into his eyes.
"Uh, well…" He cleared his throat, trying to pull back further but he didn't let your hand go.
"Jisung?" You pressed with a fake stern tone.
"I…had a dream." He faked a cough to try and hide.
"Yeah?" You were clearly not understanding that he was so reluctant to say what it was, because it was filthy. It even made Jaemin blush. The extreme embarrassment in his eyes when they finally met yours clued you in better. You stepped closer, a coy look spreading over your own face, and he took a step back. His hand was still holding yours though, so he wasn't that desperate to get away. He clenched his other hand into a fist, bringing it up and pressing his mouth to his forearm to hide his face.
"Was it something bad?"
"No! Uh…" With each step you tried to get closer, he backed up, till his back hit the wall.
"Was it naughty?" You teased, and he sneered at the cringey word. Your eyes, still a bit puffy from crying, were creased with amusement.
"Uh, I mean…"
"Do you we do something dirty?" Your head tilted up to look at his face as he tried to hide, fingers clenching yours jerkily, the digits desperate to wiggle.
"M-Maybe."
"What?" You smirked, trying not to giggle. You were always more open about sex stuff, not quite like Jaemin or even Donghyuck, but still more than him.
"No." He was throwing your method of deflection back at you.
"You know," you got up on your tip toes so you could whisper into his ear, "if you tell me, we can do it?" Your suggestion made his whole body freeze, blood turning to ice. He nearly gasped when his blood then rapidly heated, the sound of his pulse whooshing in his ears.
"Are you sure?" he whispered, needing to make sure because even just the slightest detail would reveal too much if you weren't. You nodded with a hum, then gasped when he switched your places, hand cupping the back of your head, so it didn't thud into the wall as he pinned you to it, his other forearm holding him up over your head. You could only blink in response, looking at the conflicted expression on his face.
"I don't want to hurt you." What the hell had he dreamt? You were dying to know.
"You won't." Jisung's eyes met yours, brow furrowed in worry.
"I could."
"You could, but you won't. Plus…" Your hands came up to mess with the strings of his hoodie.
"Sometimes a little pain can feel good." Jisung searched your face and saw the determination in your eyes. The hand on the back of your head dug harshly into your hair, tugging at your scalp and you gasped when his mouth sealed against yours. Your teeth clacked against his with the force of the kiss and you whined, trying to match his fervor. You couldn't. His leg nestled between yours, pressing close and against your core, and you had to stand on your tip toes. The fingers in your hair twisted the strands around them and he tugged harder, tipping your head back more, compensating for him looming over you. His knee hit the wall, his leg literally hitching you up an inch and you moaned at the pressure. Jisung snuck his tongue into your mouth then and your breath was rough out of your nose, saliva drooling from the corner of your mouth. Panting hard, he pulled back, eyes searching yours. His arm against the wall moved down to your side, still holding him up but also pressing into your waist. The hand in your hair left, the tips of his fingers soothing the slight sting he left on your scalp, then cupped your jaw. Your face looked so small cupped in his palm and something carnal, feral, rose in him.
"You're so little, noona." Jisung's tone was nothing like you had ever heard from him. His hooded gaze focused on your mouth when his thumb easily pressed against your lips, his fingers still stroking the back of your head. You watched his brow quirk up when you took his thumb between your lips, sucking on it. You had expected a blush to erupt, for his voice to sputter and for him to pull back. No. He smirked.
"Do you have any idea what I want to do to you?" Your head had to tilt up once again when he pressed even closer, chest to chest, leg still wedged between yours. You wondered if you had soaked through your panties and thin shorts, and if he could feel it. Then again, he was in sweatpants, but you could feel the fabric clinging to your folds and he had only kissed you. Yes, his thigh was pressed into your covered cunt, but he wasn't moving you on it.
"Tell me?" you whispered when he removed his thumb, eyes focusing on the shine of drool left on it. If you didn't know him better, you would take his intense expression for anger, but even with knowing him so well, you couldn't read his face. Jisung slipped his hand off your jaw, fingers pressing to the back of your neck, thumb resting under your chin. His face came close once more so close his lips brushed slightly on yours as he spoke.
"I want to fuck you so hard you can't walk for the next three days. I want to fuck you so stupid you can't even speak, just whine and beg for more. I want to make you cum so much that your cute little pussy stings. I want you to swallow my cock and I want to cum down your throat." You were going to pass out, you were sure of it. With how quickly the blood rushed to your core, your head swam. Where had your sweet little Jisung gone? How long had he been thinking like that? He couldn't even meet anyone's eyes if sex stuff got brought up around friends. But his words were thick with lust, and they swam into your ears and fogged your brain like a drug. Your thighs twitched, body shuddering when a devilish grin spread over his gorgeous face. He wasn't cute right then; he was destructively sexy, and it took your breath away. You don't think you could ever see him as your sweet little friend again.
"What do you want, noona?" The pet-name even came out different, he said it with near reverence, the single word a one-eighty from the four words preceding it.
"I want…I need you to do anything you want to me." His grin fell, he groaned, and his tongue was back in your mouth. He could taste the candy you had been eating while you spoke those fateful words, eagerly circling your tongue with his. You keened a whining moan when the hand at your neck tightened slightly, his thumb pressing into your windpipe. Your breath hitched, somehow where he gripped it gave the same heady feeling without actually restricting your breathing. What stole your air was the pleasure you were feeling just from his kiss. Your hips jumped, desperate for some friction, grinding your covered pussy against his thigh. Helpfully he pressed into you more, lifting you against the wall more, the weight of gravity pulled you onto him harder. The arm at your side that had been holding him up moved, he was using his knee then for balance, and his fingers teased along the waist band of your shorts. You whimpered when his hand continued, sneaking its way into the back of your shorts and panties, the hot pads of his fingers meeting your slick folds. You shivered and took heaving breaths when he removed himself from the kiss. His other hand was still at your throat, but he released the light pressure, making your heavy breaths easier to control.
"You're soaked, noona. For me?"
"Fuck, yes, Jisung." Expecting a kiss when he moved closer once more, he gripped your jaw, tilting your head back, thumb hooking your bottom lip. You let him move your jaw, holding your mouth open, waiting for his next move. His grin broke when he let a glob of spit fall from his lip and into your awaiting mouth. Without needing a prompt, when his thumb left your mouth, you swallowed.
"Good girl, noona." Slowly, he pulled away from you and the wall, stepping back only enough that he could take his hoodie off. He went ahead and let his shirt underneath go along with it and your heart leapt.
"Fucking hell." You gasped, reaching forward to eagerly run your fingers over him. While he wasn't necessarily to the level of Jeno or even Jaemin, for having a dancer's body he still had muscle. When had that gotten there? He barely wore anything tight let alone without sleeves, so you had no idea. He felt a wave of bashfulness rising, so he took control once again, pulling your small hands from his skin.
"Off." He prompted and you grabbed the hem of his shirt you were wearing, and he finished the job, tossing it down the hall. Clicking his tongue at your bra, you started to reach around your back to undo it, but he beat you to it. With an easy flick, it snapped open, and you let it drop, wide eyes staring at him. Where the fucking hell had he learned to do that?
"Jaemin." He must have read your mind and that made plenty of sense. Not able to even process your next move, he scooped you up easily, pressing you back into the wall. You squeaked, wrapping your mostly bare legs around his waist, fingers digging into his shoulders, he was more or less eye-level with you then. He dropped you a bit, preferring you under him more, and his nose nuzzled under your ear. He felt the goose bumps rising on your skin against his, his top just as bare as yours. His hands once again buried under the waist band of your shorts, fingers so long that the tips slipped out the leg holes of your panties, cupping your ass perfectly.
"God, Jisung!" Your body twitched when his light nuzzles immediately turned into open mouth kisses, then he sucked hard, working the skin with his lips and teeth. Popping off of your neck, his tongue ran over the flesh, blood rising and pooling at the surface. The fingers on his shoulders tightened, the blunt edges of your nails digging into his skin, and his own hips jumped then. You had been trying to ignore the tent in his pants, but he grinded his hardened cock against your cunt, only a few layers of fabric between. Jisung seemed to be big in every way.
"You still on the pill?"
"Yes, why?" You shuddered once more as he licked at the third hickey he left, that one on your collarbone.
"I need to fuck you raw." He groaned as your cunt throbbed, easily feeling it against his cock even with the clothing barrier.
"Want to pump you so full, my cum's dripping out of you for hours." Your eyes rolled back as you whined, head thrown back. You squeaked when he jostled you up higher, those beautiful and surprisingly sinful lips sucking in a nipple. Sighing at the feeling, he wasn't pleased with the gentle noise, and so he nibbled the peak instead. You yiped like a dog (ironic since he was planning on fucking you like one), a little dazed by how high up the wall he had you. Despite the altitude, he seemed to be easily holding you up, though he was able to use the wall for help. When his mouth moved to your other breast, he smirked at the red and swollen nipple he left. Your body felt like it was on fire and you both still had your pants on.
"Can I fuck you raw, noona? Feel your pussy cling to my cock?" His mouth was at your ear again, having dropped you back down to an easier level. His dick hadn't even entered you and you felt too stupid to talk.
"Please." You mewled and your submissive tone made him groan. Jisung's hands left your shorts, shoving them down off of you as he partially let you go. Your feet dangled slightly as you toed off the last of your clothes, then you yelped as he slung you over his shoulder like a sack of rice.
"J-Jisung-!?" You yelped as his hand smacked your ass, most likely leaving a big red print on your skin. The sting of the spank sent tendrils of fire right to your cunt as he stormed down the hall toward your room, your bed bigger than his. You flinched at the slam of your door as he closed it, huffing as he nearly dropped you.
"Knees." He prompted, ordered, and your body instantly obeyed. Going down the rest of the way to the floor, you sat with your knees in an 'M', gazing up at him with big glossy eyes. You were trying hard not to gape at the bulge in his sweatpants, or to run your gaze hungrily over his bare torso.
"Go ahead, noona." He nearly laughed at your eagerness, quickly reaching for the waistband of his pants and pulling them off, his hard cock bobbing in the air before you. Your wide, enraptured stare on his dick gave him a rush of nerves and pride all at once. While you came to terms with your fate, he shoved his sweatpants to the side, and you shuffled forward. Whimpering, your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, big and pretty like him. Swallowing your eyes met his.
"C-Can I grab something?" Your request threw him off, but he nodded, and you scrambled up and to your nightstand. Trotting back over, you stood demurely before him, holding the item out with both palms up. He took the little bottle from you, looking at it.
"Throat numbing spray?" His brow crooked and he looked at you, biting your lip with a giddy glaze over your eyes. It still had plastic wrap on the nozzle. Nodding once, you sank back to your knees, and he groaned low when you opened your mouth wide, tongue out.
"Why do you have this, noona?" His tone was slightly patronizing as he tore the plastic off, then spritzed the watermelon flavored spray into your mouth. Swallowing a few times, the dull sensation you could even register faded, leaving a very minute feeling in your throat.
"Guess." You giggled, hand wrapping back around his cock. Jisung buried his hand in your hair again, tugging hard to make you look back up at him.
"You've used it before?"
"I'm not a virgin, Ji." Your normal, casual tone didn't sit right with him in the moment, and he twisted your hair again, the stinging twinge making you moan softly.
"Only for me now?"
"Yes." You nodded to further emphasize your point, and his grip loosened. With a much softer hold on your head, he pressed you closer, letting you take over. Swallowing a buildup of saliva, your tongue swirled around the head of his dick, the salty taste of his precum eagerly lapped up. He was barely half-way in your mouth when the head hit your numbed throat, your jaw protesting some already. His eyes shut as he groaned, only fluttering open to watch you take his cock even deeper down your throat. The spray helped you not to gag, and you swallowed over and over, holding your breath, your nose pressing to his groin. Your hand fell, landing next to your other one as you pressed your hands to the floor. Pulling back enough that you could breathe, you twisted your head like a curious dog, eyes searing into his.
"Ready?" You moaned and his hands were back in your hair, hips jumping, burying his cock back inside your throat. Despite the numbing, tears sprung to your eyes, a slight gag leaving you. Holding still like a good girl, Jisung pumped his fat cock into your mouth and down your throat, breathing harshly through your nose when you could.
"Fuck, you feel so good, noona." He sighed, head thrown back, making sure not to use full force as he rolled his hips. Even with him holding back, you could feel the strength of his movements and you felt a puddle of wet forming on the laminate floor under you, cunt clenching around nothing.
"You better swallow it all, (Y/N)." He tried not to whimper, but he couldn't help it, letting you inhale deeply before burying his cock all the way into your gullet, pumping thick strands of hot cum down your throat. Your core spasmed, eyes fluttering as you eagerly swallowed over and over, the heat of his release warming your chest. When you woke up that morning you never dreamed you would be eagerly swallowing Jisung's cock as he came buckets down your throat. As the last little wave died, he quickly removed his still half-hard cock, brow furrowing with worry as you gasped for air. Tears were flowing down your cheeks, face red and messy, but you opened up, tongue out, to show him you obediently swallowed every drop.
"You're so fucking good, sweetheart." You gasped softly, the pet-name going straight to your needy cunt. Jisung used his index finger to gather the saliva and pre that had dripped down your chin, letting you lick it off.
"Get on the bed, it's my turn." As soon as his finger retracted, you stood quickly, albeit shakily and went to stand by the bed.
"W-which way?" His hands on your shoulders turned you to face the bed, back to him. With a shove, you fell onto the mattress, chest pressed to the surface, hips bumping the end of the bed. You then heard a light thump, and his hands were back on your ass.
"Fuck!" You gasped as his thumbs spread your soaking folds, blowing a stream of air against your fluttering core.
"Did you cum when I did, sweetheart?"
"Y-yes."
"Good girl." You could hear his smirk, then you cried out as you buried your hands into the sheets, his tongue burrowing into your hot cunt. Jisung easily held your hips still, his arm wrapping around the front of your legs, his free hand splayed over the small of your back. When his tongue left your pussy, it swirled over your clit, and he sucked it in once before running through the slit of your folds and wiggling back inside. He did this a few more times, eagerly drinking your slick.
"Fuckfuckfuck." You shuddered, not even able to warn him as your next orgasm hit, much stronger than the small one you had not even five minutes prior. He held you down as your body shook, gummy walls fluttering and throbbing around his tongue.
"You taste so good, noona." You nearly heard him lick his lips, pulse still whooshing in your ears.
"A-ah?!" You squealed when his hands parted your ass cheeks, his tongue moving up from your soaking cunt and swirling over your pucker.
"J-Jisung!?" You gasped harder, not sure how to feel about the sensation. Grateful you took a shower not even two hours ago, you still weren't really expecting his tongue to go from your pussy to your ass.
"Don't worry, noona. I just wanna taste today." He lapped over your pucker once more, then pulled back, huffing in amusement at your still twitching thighs. You were already tired, he could tell, but he was painfully hard again. Jisung's thoughts ran rampant as he tried to decide how he wanted you as he fucked you first. Your pose would do just fine.
"Hm, so wet, sweetheart." He stood so he could lean over you on the bed, one hand by your head to hold him up, the other hand leading his cock to run through your folds. You knew it was big in your mouth but feeling it at your entrance made you shiver. As the head of his cock started to breach your gummy walls, the burning sting made you sigh in delight, the heat of his skin scorching through you. Breathing hard, trying to relax, your cunt fluttered still as he buried deeper, slowly. His deep, low groan faded into a chuckle as he watched your pussy suck in his cock. At the last inch, he snapped his hips, filling you fully, head pressing into your cervix.
"Ah, FUCK!" You white knuckled the sheets, toes curling, forcing you to tip toe, his pelvis pressing to your hips. You breathed raggedly, getting used to not just the burn his fat cock forced from your walls, but the stinging pleasure the same burn forced through you. You hadn't been fucked in way too long, and you were already sure no one would ever feel as good as Jisung did right then. You had needed him, not just any guy, but him. That's why you hadn't tried looking for a date, your subconscious knowing you needed your sweet friend to rail you stupid. Jisung breathed hard as well, trying to let you get at least a little used to the stretch, but your sticky, wet heat felt too good.
"I need to move, (Y/N)."
"Please~" You whined, squealing with delight as he pulled back no more than halfway, then slowly back in. It was like he sucked the air out of you, then forced it back in, but his next thrust made you see stars. As he leaned over you, hips battering your ass with hard, shallow thrusts, his hands laid over yours, weaving his fingers through yours. The sweet move was overshadowed by his animal pace, your whimpers and squeaks just as feral. He was still trying to hold back some, but when he couldn't hold back a hard snap, he felt the same flutter as before and ground his cock into you as you came, spurts of slick coating his groin and balls as you squirted over him. Your shudders and pulses lasted nearly twice as long and when you finally laid still, he started back up himself. Your cunt stung slightly, not ready for the friction once more, but the pain just fueled the pleasure. Without the bed underneath you, you would have melted onto the floor, no strength left. Wanting to protest when he unwound your fingers, he fell forward, his bare chest to your back. Not too tightly, he wrapped his arm under you, across your collar bone, then chest, pulling you up just enough that the arm around you restricted you, forcing your elbows to your hips. Your nails dug into the fabric under your lower stomach, Jisung easily holding you up just a bit from the bed. His other arm also snaked around you, his hand laying over your lower stomach. You were sensitive there, more than most people, and just the pressure alone made you mewl. Jisung pressed harder, able to feel the bulge of his cock below your skin and as he settled into position, you realized why he was holding you so tight. He was holding you in place. His next thrust started with only the head of him inside, then he barreled his cock back into you, fucking you with abandon. You gasped, not able to even squeak or moan, mouth open in a silent scream, drool dripping from the corners of your mouth.
"Ji-Jisung-! Please, fuck!" You breathed out, your next orgasm washing over you, leaving the friction painful. The pain crested hard and fast as he continued to pound into you, fading back into pleasure. So much of your release and wet spilled from your fluttering cunt that it dripped onto the floor, down both of your thighs.
"I'm going to cum, noona. Fill you up, yeah?" He whimpered deeply, almost groaning, hips faltering just slightly.
"Yes, yes, Jisung!" He dropped both of you to the bed then, pressing you down into the mattress, gouging his cock as deep as he could, and pumping your protected womb and cunt full of hot cum. It spurted out in globs with your own cum, dripping a bigger puddle on the floor, the hard pulse of his cock even stronger as he filled you. Your vision blurred, ears ringing as you came once more, grateful that he stilled, actually really hurting at that point. Reveling in his full weight on your back, he then registered he was laying on you like that and pulled up just a bit.
"You okay?" He nuzzled the back of your ear.
"S-stings." You got out hoarsely.
"Ah." He winced with you as he pulled his still half-hard length from you, more globs of jizz and slick leaving your cunt.
"I don't think I'll walk for four days." You muttered. It took him a second to register what you meant, before he burst into laughter, pressing his sweaty forehead to your shaking shoulder.
"Good enough?" Jisung asked, making you hum.
"Fucking perfect."
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NCT Master List
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mbsneur · 5 months ago
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Come with us
Alexia Putellas x Cata Coll x Jenni Hermoso x Reader
Summary: Alexia, Jenni and Cata make a bet about you
Warnings: Smut Ahead 18+
WC: 2854
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please read this text before going to the story please don't be so strict with me but rather write to me what I can do better or what you wished were different. also tell me if you find the story too long or too short.. Also write to me if you liked it. My requests are always open (and English is not my first language so don't be mad at me) and if you have any ideas for the future about who I should write please tell me… the topics I will choose by myself unless you have a request for one or two people I will Read everything.. in the next survey I will take a few ideas from the old survey and new ones…. now read and I hope you like it <33
It was your third course with the Spanish national team and you were nominated for the Olympics. You played your first group game against Japan. You won 2-1 and you were really relieved because Japan was an opponent you lost to in the 2023 World Cup
You all wanted to celebrate it (at least toast to it) even though it was forbidden to you all because the breaks between the games were so short. You all still sat down together in the hotel bar and celebrated. For some people it wasn't just a toast, they were visible drunk
During the three courses you had noticed a tension between you and Cata. Her hands were often on your hips or caressing your butt. She was always visibly close to you and was staring at you . Her eyes were always either on your tits or your ass, when you have seminars, her hand was dangerously close to your leg
Jenni and Alexia, the two best friends, of course noticed it and had some fun with it. You didn't know if they knew more than you about why Cata was like that, but they pushed you onto her lap or always tried to keep a place free next to Cata At movie nights you lie next to Cata or just nonsensical jokes
The four of you were sitting together at a table. The three of you were drunk. Your not very . Once again Alexia made a stupid joke
“Hey, Cata is touching you under the table,”
she says laughing and Jenni playfully hits her on the shoulder
“I bet y/n can’t even stand one night with Cata.” spits jenni shakily Alexia laughs and Cata curses something in Spanish in her direction.
Jenni rummages in her pants pocket and slaps a 10€ bill on the table "10€ I'll make her come more often than Cata ever will" she half screams and laughs loudly
"20€ I'll make her come more often than the two of you combined" snaps Alexia
„ 50€ she won't have an orgasm with ya’ll“ throws cata on the table
You sat there with your jaw dropped. You were shocked that they had actually just bet 80€ on who would make you cum more often
You don't know what, but there's something about it that you like. Jenni and Alexia exchange looks and Cata looks straight at you
You didn't think they were serious, but everyone suddenly looked at you, looking for confirmation
You were speechless but Alexia spoke up "Come with us, I want to win the €80" she said with a horny smile. You looked at Cata, her eyes were darker than you've ever seen them before and Jenni leaned back and raised her arms Cata who was sitting next to you grabbed your hand and pulled you up, jenni slap onto the table with a "vamos chicas let's win money"
you push your way through the mass of your team
Aitana held Jenni's shoulder and pulled her back "You all go, Jenni"
"Si Alexia and y/n aren't feeling so well, they must have had too much to drink," Jenni said, laughing and moving away from Aitana.
The way to the hotel room was quiet. Nobody said a word. You ran in front of the three. They gave you priority When you all Alexia and Jenni's room arrived, Alexia pressed the card against the sensor and the door opened. Cata came close to your ear, "Go ahead cariño" and hit you on your ass to push you forward
You knew full well that the rest of the night would be all about you because they bet on you and they will give you so many orgasms until you beg for them to stop. It's not about the money for them, no, it's about who is better the Three always want to be the best and it's not about money
Alexia stepped in front of you to pull you in for a deep kiss. Her hands were on your neck and your hands pulled lightly on her undershirt to keep her close. Her tongue slid through your lips and bit gently. You felt hands on your back You couldn't place who they belonged to but they pulled up your shirt and other hands pulled down your pants and thong. You broke the kiss with Alexia and looked back briefly to see that Cata was the one who pulled on your shirt and finally gave it to you Over the head Cata kissed the exposed skin and Alexia started licking your neck while Jenni kissed your lower back and one of her hands found its way to your clitoris she made firm slow circles and making you whimper
so many hands and so many feelings at once you didn't know if it was too much for you but you liked the tension you took your bottom lip between your teeth and let out a deep moan cata says in a light whisper "Let's take her to bed mh" Jenni and Alexia let go of you and push you towards the bed "on your back" says alexia dominantly you do as you are told and automatically spread your legs to put yourself on full display for the three of them they stand in front of you and watch your helpless little body jenni took your knees in her hands and bent over to kiss you, her hands rest on your stomach and you noticed that the mattress gave way left and right. Alexia took one of your breasts in her hand and Cata licked big circles and placed kisses on the other side. You bite Jenni's lip and breathe heavily “You will be a good girl for us and let us use you” Jenni smiles and attracts the attention of Alexia and Cata, whose hands are now squeezing your thighs
You nod eagerly and Cata bites your nipple hard and making you scream. "You'll use your words, you understand," says Cata, laughing and looking at the smiling Alexia. "Use me and I hope I'll know later which one of you is better in bed." Jenni smiles and looks down at you. She licks her lips as her eyes meet your dripping pussy. She leans down, giving Cata and Alexia leeway all over your upper body. She places kisses and bites on the inside of your thighs, making you twitch and you try to look down but alexia grabs your neck and turns your gaze into her eyes "you won't look down and you won't move until you cum" alexia says seriously and cata starts kissing your cheek "my god cata Finally kiss me" you say snippily and Jenni starts laughing "Cata she's trying to give you orders" Alexia laughs lightly and Cata kisses you hard so that you can hardly breathe and Alexia's mouth is all over your breasts
alexia is hard on your breasts it hurts but the pain turns into lust, lust for jenni, Jenni finally shoots her tongue into your wet hole and your lips tilt away from Cata to moan you have never felt anything so good "oh my fuck- Jenni fuck" you try to move but Alexia's strong arms hold you in place "Didn't you understand what Alexia said to you earlier, should I tie you up huh cariño" cata says with a eye roll you let out a deep sigh and your head falls back onto the mattress "I'm telling you she lets herself be handled like a submissive slut, right?" alexia says laughing You roll your eyes and try to concentrate on Jenni's talented tongue, which is getting faster around your bundle of nerves and you can barely hold yourself in place
your hips rock into jenni's mouth and you moan pornographically the whole room is filled with your moans "she's going to come alexia" cata says with a smile "make her beg cata i want to hear her begging for jenni" cata slides to your ear " Do you want to come, baby? You can't believe how long I've been wanting to see you come." Cata says and takes your earlobe between her teeth. Alexia grabs Jenni's hair and pushes her head closer to your pussy. "Fuck Jenni, your tongue feels so good. Fuck pleas - I'm-fuck"
“No,” Alexia says quickly and snidely. “Make her beg,” she adds "beg for jenni be a good girl for us all you have to do is beg and jenni will save you, do it for me i want to hear you use your pretty mouth" cata says between kisses against your face "Jenni let me come, I'm so close"
“Something is missing,” says Alexia seriously "please jenni please i need you so much let me come" "Then come for me" Jenni says against your pussy and the vibration sends waves through your body. Alexia pinches your nipples and with a deep scream you come and your back arches upwards. Alexia kisses your neck and praises you for how well you're doing
jenni slowly moves away from you and kisses you the taste of your juices makes you whimper "let me sit on your face and cata take care of you mh" you nod eagerly Alexia grabbed a bunch of your hair and pulled it you moaned in pain "we told you earlier to use your words" Alexia spits you roll your eyes again and say slightly annoyed "Cata please use my pussy until you're finished" Jenni stands up and takes off her pants crawls back onto your chest she moves her body over your face you wanted to put your hands on her strong thighs but she pushes them away "don't touch me I'll use you" says jenni and sits down She takes your head in her hands and moves you to where she needs you. She lets out a deep moan and you feel strong hands circling your wet hole "cariño you are so wet, did jenni fuck you so well mh?" Cata asks you and you answer with a "mhh" because your mouth is full of Jenni's pussy
Jenni starts to rub against your mouth and Alexia has sat down on the back of the bed to watch how good they make you feel. One of Cata's fingers dives into you, not quickly, just very deeply. You moan against Jenni's pussy and reach into the bed sheets breathing faster jenni looks down at you with her mouth open "bonita you're going to make me cum do you hear" with these words jenni comes into your mouth and rides her orgasm out on your face she gets off of you and admires your glistening lips cata adds another finger and slowly get faster which makes you moan hard "Cata don't stop you feel so fucking good" you moan loudly you don't know what to do with your feelings and look over at Alexia and Jenni who has now sat down next to Alexia and with her head pressed on her shoulder you look into Alexia's eyes and she looks at you like what’s happening here is all she's wanted since you've been here
Alexia whispers in Jenni's ear "Touch me Jenni, I want to feel you" Jenni looks back and forth between you and Alexia. You lie there and moan so loudly that you can hear it in the next town. Cata is so good with her fingers, Jenni strokes Alexia's thigh and presses her head against her neck. One of her hands slips into Alexia's hands and starts to finger her. Alexia's head falls back against her neck and lets out a quiet whimper from her. Cata hovers over you and takes your neck in her hand. "Look at me I want you to look into my eyes when you cum " you look deep into Cata's eyes and moan her name softly. Cata's hand grips tightly around your cheek and she inserts a third finger into you. You moan soundlessly and roll your eyes back Cata's face comes closer to yours "I said look at me when you cum if you don't look at me I will stop I swear to you"
Cata says breathing hard you find it hard to keep your eyes in place you do your best to look at her Cata says "come baby come on my fingers" you let go and your legs start shaking hard you're a moaning mess and When you come down from your high, you look over at a moaning Alexia who has already had two orgasms from Jenni's fingers alone
Alexia dedicates herself to you and moves. She wants you. You know it very well. She wants you begging and crying. Your whole face is red and you are out of breath after just two orgasms. She slides over to you and caresses you. "I know Bebita pshh, let me use your pussy and i cum inside you mh and you'll make cata feel good" cata and jenni know exactly what's coming next jenni pulls you over to her by your hips cata takes off her pants "get on your knees and hold your ass in The air for alexia“ cata sits down against the backrest and spread her legs Jenni pulls you onto your knees
Alexia comes back with a strap on around her hips. You hear her feet running on the floor. You try to move backwards but Jenni grabs the back of your head and leads you to Cata's middle. Cata's head falls back and she lets out a deep sigh. "She's good with her mouth huh"
"She's not just pretty, she can also do something" says Cata moaning slightly. Alexia Knits behind you and gives you a slap on the ass, which makes you moan against Cata. Cata's legs start to wobble and she pushes your head closer to her. Alexia you by doing this she moves her fingers back and forth on your hole jenni rubs your back and kisses your temple alexia slowly inserts her strap into you and you hold on to cata's thighs and breathe openly against cata jenni whispers encouragement to you "look how good you are cata "Let Alexia come inside you." With a deep moan she comes and Jenni rubs Cata's stomach. Cata comes down and takes your head in her hands and lets it rest on her thigh. Alexia grips your ass harder and becomes faster. Your moans become audibly louder and Jenni doesn't stop her back for a second to fondle
Alexia grabs your hips tightly and pushes harder and harder into you. She lets out a sigh. "Do you like being taken like that, so exposed in front of us?" she says and hits your now red ass again. "Fuck Alexia, yes please come inside me wants to feel you" alexia speeds up and starts to moan jenni spreads kisses down your back and cata slides through your scalp your legs start to give in "alexia i'm close-" you stutter "wait for her" cata says and pulls up a little your hairline "I'm close too, just a little bit Bebita, you're doing so well" Alexia praises you, you become hazy, your vision becomes unclear until you feel your release getting closer and closer "Cariño come for Alexia, show her how good she makes you feel" after these Words, you only needed a few more thrusts until Alexia pushed you both over the edge. You moaned her name and her hands squeezed your hips. She let go of you and only moved away from you when you had come down
Jenni turns you onto your back and lays you gently next to Cata and gives you a small kiss on the forehead. Your breathing becomes more regular. Cata hasn't stopped stroking you and she pulls you into her arms. After a few minutes Alexia comes back and lies down “When are you finally going to reveal your love” says Alexia and Jenni starts laughing “Who actually won now?��� you tease back playfully and snub against Jenni. Everyone laughs "Shut up or I'll fuck you until you forget our names and don't know anything about this shitty bet" says Alexia laughing. Cata got you something to eat and Jenni ran a bath for you
I hope you enjoyed it <33
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shiiro-arts · 4 months ago
Note
Thank you so much for replying to my previous ask in such detail (I loved it and really, really appreciate your efforts 🙏)
I just started rewatching the anime and I saw the focus they kept on Lisanna hence my doubt. From Erza I felt it was more of a sibling type dynamic (that Erza sees Natsu and Gray more as her younger brothers) but they really pushed the Lisanna narrative in the beginning. And given the way he reacted differently to Lucy and Lisanna like becoming flustered with Lisanna I wondered.
Please do talk about the killing himself part too.
I love reading your analysis!! Thank you so much for your hard work ❣️ (Feel free to push in NaLu scenes that show it their bond more obviously)
Hi!! I'm happy you liked it, I'm going to try and talk about Natsu and Lisanna a little bit more and then I'll start with the whole killing himself thing. (following this post)
I think the reason they focused on Natsu and Lisanna at the beginning is because a lot of studios/mangakas have the need to create a couple, even better if it's an MC. And pairing Lucy and Natsu up from the beginning doesn't make any sense, they just met and didn't know each other.
Lisanna is a really important person to Natsu, although they hardly interact anymore.
She supported Natsu when he first came to the guild and became his first friend. Not only that, she helped him with Happy, hence the whole wife and husband thing, they represented a family.
Natsu is not as stupid as they make him out to be, he knows what marriage is, exclusivity to a partner
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and things only adults are supposed to do.
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He knew what Lisanna meant by "we'll get married in the future," and if she had never "died," NaLi would have made sense.
But it happend, Lisanna "died" and Natsu had to get over her. This doesn't mean forget her tho, as I said, Natsu LOVES his family and friends, forgetting about lisanna just because she died would not make any sense. It takes time to accept death, and after Igneel's disappearance, the death of lisanne hit him, HARD.
The only thing he could do was getting over her, but not forgetting her.
And that's when Lucy comes into the picture.
She keeps bumping into him, buys him food for "no reason" and talks all mighty and good about his family, basically, she gives him good vibes. He takes her to FT and for some reason she follows him everywhere and before he knows it, he wants to partner up with her.
This is development by natsu's part, he is ready to open up to new people (Lucy) and pretty much they become attached to the hip, because "she is nice", yeah, that's his reason.
Lisanna wasn't meant to come back, mashima himself said so, the only reason they brought her back was because the animation staff preasured him to because they liked her. NaLi is not happening because Mashima never had anything planned for her, and I'm not saying this because I'm a NaLu fan, it's just facts. Thats why she is so useless in the manga, because mashima doesn't know what to do with her. She is just there.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Let's beging with the whole suicide thing
I want to clarify that this is MY PERSPECTIVE, you might agree or disagree with me and thats completely fine.
Let me beging with one thing, and that is that natsu IS NOT SUICIDAL.
He wants to live his life at the fullest and he looks forward to the future.
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Then why do I say he wanted to kill himself? because when lucy "died", he was so full of grief that he just didn't care any more.
One thing that they make clear is that the demons of zeref, once awaken, have only one thought in their minds: KILLING ZEREF
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Lucy's "death" is what awoke END, Natsu felt so desperate and he was so full of grief that he literally abandoned his humanity.
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She was gone and he blamed zeref, because if he had never started the war, she would be alive, that was enough for him to abandon his morals and look forward to kill someone.
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Now comes the important part: his confrontation with grey
This part is really important because it shows that Natsu is aware of his actions.
If he really was completely possessed by END, then he would not have hesitated and warn grey about getting out of his way, he would have just killed him and keep going, but Natsu warns him several times
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Until he doesn't give a damn anymore and attacks him.
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Natsu was adamant about going after zeref and killing him, but he is also aware that if he does so, he will die. Zeref told him so himself.
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But lucy is dead, so he just doesn't care anymore.
Igneel talked to him about looking at the future
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But Lucy wasn't in that future anymore, so he can't look forward for it, because it died the moment Lucy did. if she wasn't in it, why bother? He knew that killing zeref was killing himself.
Gray literally saved Natsus life confronting him
This whole panel is foreshadowing to Lucy dying and Natsu wanting to die because of it
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uyuforu · 5 months ago
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Derivative Astrology: The Future Spouse in our Natal Chart
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Welcome to today's new post! Since many people enjoyed the first derivative post I have made, I wanted to try more and to explain how actually using this technique can be interesting to know more about your Future Spouse! Let's go! ^^
All pictures were found on Pinterest
Other posts you could like:
જ⁀➴ How to know when you will marry
જ⁀➴ How to know where your spouse come from (10H)
જ⁀➴ Juno, Groom, Briede in Signs, Houses, Degrees
Booking Open
email adress: [email protected]
Soft To You presentation and Q&A ᡣ𐭩 rules ᡣ𐭩 private readings reviews
astrology menu ᡣ𐭩 tarot menu ᡣ𐭩 special astrology & tarot readings
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Terms
DA= Derivative Astrology ; NC= Natal Chart ; H= House ; FS= Future Spouse
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What is Derivative Astrology?
Derivative Astrology is a technique used in Astrology often, and it's usually used on Natal Chart. DA will offer you a new perspective of things using your NC. In this post, we will focus on the spouse, so we will try to learn more about your FS using your NC with the DA technique.
Of course, DA isn't only about your Future Spouse. It can be use for many other things too :)
It's a technique that really confirm that EVERYTHING is in your Natal Chart.
The Technique
Derivative Astrology for the Future Spouse will starts on the 7H, since the 7H in astrology does represent our enemies BUT also our serious & long term relationships, and in this case, our Future Spouse!
We then have to take the 7H as the 1H in the Derivative Astrology. It will mostly tell about our Future Spouse's appearance.
I did a post last time about how the 10H represents where our Future Spouse comes from, because it is 4 Houses away from the 7H. In Numerology, 4 represents the home. This is why our IC/ 4H is an indicator of where we come from and our childhood. Well, since in DA the 7H is the spouse's 1H, then the 10H is the spouse's 4H!
I'll explain later for every houses and what it means. A study case will be at the end of the post for you to understand it more so don't hesitate to check it out ^^
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Tools for the Houses in Derivative Astrology
Natal 7H -> Spouse's 1H
Your Spouse's 1H is about your spouse's appearance, how they look like, sometimes it can represents placement they have in their NC 1H. It will also represents who they are.
Natal 8H -> Spouse's 2H
Your Spouse's 2H is about their money, their financial status, how they cook, what kind of food they prefer to eat.
Natal 9H -> Spouses 3H
Your Spouse's 3H can be the language they speak, how they communicate, it can be about their siblings, the neighborhood they live in, etc.
Natal 10H -> Spouse's 4H
Your Spouse's 4H is about where they come from, where they were born, and their family, also their relationship with their mother.
Natal 11H -> Spouse's 5H
Your Spouse's 5H is about how they like to have fun, how do their flirt, their view on children, do they want children, etc.
Natal 12H -> Spouse's 6H
Your Spouse's 6H is about your Spouse's job, health situation, and their routine, their relation to routine, etc.
Natal 1H -> Spouse's 7H
Your Spouse's 7H is about you, how they view you, and how you are introduced to them in their life, like how they met you and what they thought of you the first time.
Natal 2H -> Spouse's 8H
Your Spouse's 8H is about their possessions, money like, and how they view your marriage life. It can also be about their obsessions, and secrets.
Natal 3H -> Spouse's 9H
Your Spouse's 9H is about their studies, what did they study, do they like to study, traveling, do they like to travel, life lessons, and potential languages they speak too, and their In-Laws, so your parents.
Natal 4H -> Spouse's 10H
Your Spouse's 10H is about your spouse's career, what is their job, what do they do for living, and what is their reputation, but also their relationship with their father.
Natal 5H -> Spouse's 11H
Your Spouse's 11H is about is about their friends, their social medias, do they have social medias, what do they post online, what are their dreams, etc.
Natal 6H -> Spouse's 12H
Your Spouse's 12H is about their spiritual side, do they believe in spirituality, do they have a religion, their relation to sleep, etc.
༘⋆ how to know where your spouse come from (10H)
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A Study Case
I wanted to do a study case with my Natal Chart to see what it can indeed say! I'll do other study cases with other people, such as celebrities or friends!
Uyu's 7H -> FS 1H
Let's take my 7H, which is my future spouse's 1H, to start! My Natal 7H is in Aries, meaning my spouse can have a Mars ruled 1H (Aries or Scorpio), or they can have Mars 1H, or Pluto can happen (despite Aries doesn't rule Pluto, Aries is a Mars sign, so both Aries or Pluto planets can work). This can mean my spouse can be Mars ruled as a person, they can also have a strong Mars placement and mostly in their big 3H, or their Natal 1H have strong placements. In my 7H, I have my Jupiter and Saturn, meaning my FS can have Jupiter or Saturn 1H. Or Sagittarius/ Aquarius/ Capricorn in their big 3. In this case, my FS can be someone who is secretive, good looking, older than me, yet they can also look young, be mature, wise, they can be more experienced than me, they can be charming, they can be taller than me, they can also have a strong masculine energy, and they can have strong eyes and eyebrows. They can seem confident too. My Jupiter is in 4°, meaning they can love their family or one member of their family. They can be close to their mother for example (4° being a Cancer degree and Cancer rules over the mother). My Saturn being in 16°, is also a Cancer degree, and Saturn rules over the father, and Saturn being the obstacles can mean they don't get along with their dad. My 7H Ruler being in the 1H (my 1H being their 7H) means my FS is most likely to pursue me. They can have the attraction first.
Uyu's 8H -> FS 2H
My 8H will be their 2H, and it is in Taurus, meaning FS can like money, be close to their money, they can have a lot of money, be rich, and they can just live a very comfortable lifestyle. They can enjoy eating more than actually cooking. Moon being in my 8H means they can buy things without actually needing them, they can buy things when they feel sad, or spend too much when they are happy. Money could make them feel safe. Moon can mean they can also buy things often for their mother or just will be more generous when it comes to their mom. They can also want to spend money more on home furniture or home necessities. My 8H Ruler being Venus 11H means they can love to shop and can be more into buying technological stuff, video games or gifts for friends.
Uyu's 9H -> FS 3H
My 9H will represent their 3H, so the language they speak, their siblings, neighborhood, etc. My 9H is in Gemini, and it's empty. They could have spoken at least two languages their whole life, parents can come from a different country which led my FS to speak their parents languages but also the one of the country they grew up in. So there can be two languages involved minimum. They can love to learn languages in general, so they could speak more. They could live in a neighborhood or place or grew up in a place where a lot of people came from different countries, cultures, etc. Gemini 9H and ruler is Mercury 10H, they can have siblings, but it can also be cousins they take as siblings. Cousins on their mother's side mostly.
Uyu's 10H -> FS 4H
I have already explained this part here. Though this part also has other indicators, so I'll paste it here :)
This part is about their 4H, so where they come from, and their family, their childhood and their relationship with mother. For where they come from, I have Cancer MC 23°, ruled by Moon and Mercury being very closed to the MC. Indeed, my FS may not come from the same country as me, but the country he is from has a big interest in my country. His country is also known for being very traditional, and very close to their culture, they also are very into food and mostly their food, they hold a big pride into that. The 23° makes a lot of sense because he comes from a country that is known for being a futuristic place, a technology advanced kind of country, and with Mercury being close to the MC, they indeed have a very good and modernized transportation system. Oh and Cancer here could mean at some point I could have lived where he was born, because indeed that's what happened. This country also has a big idea about family and children in general (very traditional). The country isn't new but it's a recent touristic place, many people wanna go there now. Also it's a place where people are very into studying too. And I also wanna add, that the exact city he was born in is actually a place that is focused on new technology researches lmao. The MC is ruled by Moon, and my Moon is in my 8H in Gemini. I'll focus more on the 8H placement, indeed the country was hidden before, not very noticed until recently, and mostly it was a country that got a rebirth of some sort after war. About their childhood, FS could have had a childhood being very close to their mother, they could generally love their mother and be very close to them. Mother could have been very present to them, and they could have grown with the idea family was very important. They could have been an only child, but siblings can also exist since Mercury is here. I think theme of home and family will play a major role for them. They def love their mother, and they might also think of them as the person they care the most about in their life. They could also tell everything to their mother. Indeed, very very close because 10H Ruler is Moon in 8H, so I think they might have seen their mother as their shelter. Could be very connected with them.
Uyu's 11H -> FS 5H
My 11H will be their 5H, representing how they like to have fun, their creativity and their idea of children. My 11H is in Leo, and I have Venus there. They can love children in my opinion, and they could want children in the future. Will have probably too. But they will be serious and responsible about having some since Ruler is Sun 10H. FS can be quite creative and can love art and to create artistic things. They can be into drawing, painting, writing, etc. They can also work with art or creativity. They can also like movies and can perhaps work in the movie industry. They could be a very fun person in general, and they could like to flirt or to rizz around for fun.
Uyu's 12H -> FS 6H
My 12H will be their 6H, and it will represent their job, their routine and their health. My 12H is in Virgo, and it's empty. Virgo in this case can mean my FS can have some health issues when it comes to stomach and digestive system. They can have often problems with it, and they can have a sensitive stomach too. So they can have to be careful about what they eat in this case, they can also have some food allergies. Ruler of 12H is Mercury 10H in Cancer, can have problems indeed about stomach, but also bones, and can also have hard times with their father. Could have felt a lot of pressure mentally and also a lot of anxiety, they could have felt very stressed out. They can have a steady and healthy routine in general, they can care a lot about their health, and they could be careful too. They can be very hard working and serious about their job as well.
Uyu's 1H -> FS 7H
My 1H is my rising, and me as a person, how people see me, so it is not surprising this will be my FS' 7H, as it represents their spouse, so me! My 1H is in Libra and I have Mars Scorpio in it. Even my degree is also in a Libra degree here, so I think my FS can think of me as someone they find pretty, nice, having harmonious face, they can feel like I look like their type a lot. FS can also see me as "hot" or think I'm sexy? They can view me as confident too, or they can be something that attracts them so much to me physically. They can also think I'm well behaved, and that I am just pleasant to be around. Ruler being Venus 11H, they can think I'm popular too? Or they can also think I have many friends or a lot of suitors. They could have had a crush on me online too.
Uyu's 2H -> FS 8H
My 2H will represent their 8H, so their possessions and how our marriage life will be for them. My 2H is in Scorpio, and I have Juno, Chiron and Pluto there. FS can be very possessive when it comes to what they have, they can enjoy collecting things also. They can just be possessive in general. They can also enjoy the thought of having money and can have a lot of money at some point. FS can be possessive with me and even more after marriage, there is something very passionate and intense in this marriage for them. They could also heal through marriage about traumas.
Uyu's 3H -> FS 9H
My 3H will represent their 9H, and so it will be about if they like to travel, their life lessons, their study life, how they will see their In-Laws. My 3H is in Sagittarius and it's empty! Being in Sagittarius, I do think they love traveling and they can actually enjoy discovering other people's culture. They will want to travel often at some point. This can be a sign also of going to college, and so to do some higher studies. They could have studied abroad too at some point! For how they see their In-Laws, they could see their IL being foreigners, people who live abroad, people coming from a culture their are curious about. They could see my parents as people who they can learn from. They can also be curious about my culture.
Uyu's 4H -> FS 10H
My 4H is my FS' 10H and it's in Capricorn. Their relationships with their father can be quite cold, father can expect a lot from them, they cannot be very close too. Uranus and Neptune also being there, and in Aquarius, it can mean their relationship indeed can be quite strange and unusual, perhaps their father isn't what you can expect a father to be like. There could be a lot of illusions too, perhaps their father can think appearances are important, and they can act differently in public than in private with my FS. Otherwise, my FS' reputation can be quite eccentric or they can be considered as unique too. They can be seen as weird but also known as someone who is serious, perhaps a bit cold and someone hardworking. When it comes to their job and career, they can do something that is related to money, finances, or just having a business too. They can be their own boss, CEO, or just have a high position at their job. There can be a lot of business and money management in their job, for example they can do something like drop shipping. They can also do something online, with technologies, etc. Neptune can also be a sign of something creative too. Uranus being there can also be a sign of having many different jobs and doing those at the same time. Can be an entrepreneur. Ruler of the 4H is Saturn in my 7H, so I believe they can also work with contracts!
Uyu's 5H -> FS 11H
My 5H will be their 11H so representing their friends and dreams. My 5H is in Aquarius, and it's empty. So they can have a lot of friends from different backgrounds, that they met from different area of their life, they can also have friends they have met online or a lot of foreigners friends. They can be friend with everyone in general but they will have a very few "real friends", meaning friends they are actually very close to. Otherwise, they can find it easy to talk with people, they are open and curious about others around them. They will be friendly, but it's not because of that that they will consider you their friend for sure. My 5H Ruler is Uranus and it's in my 4H, yeah I think they only consider people their real friends when they take them as a family members, they also don't let people in their private life easily. So when they consider someone close to them, it means a lot for them. They can have specific dreams and a lot actually, but those dreams can be considered either strange or unique to others. They can have dreams related to foreign lands, traveling, to technologies or online presence, etc. They can also have dreams about the future too. Because of the ruler (Uranus) being in the 4H, they can have a dream related to having a family too. And traditional ruler is Saturn, in my 7H, so also having a dream to get married. They can like to be quite creative about what they post on social medias, and they can also like to keep things quite private, like it' can be more an artistic approach than really about them. They can also like to take pictures of their private life, things around them, and post it online with a hint of mystery.
Uyu's 6H -> FS 12H
This part will be their connection to spirituality and religion, but also their sleep habits. My 6H is in Pisces, so it means they can LOVE to sleep lmao. They can be a big sleeper, and they can just take sleep as a comfort zone. Traditional ruler of Pisces being Jupiter and Jupiter being in my 7H ca mean they could also love sleep dates, meaning sleeping with the person they love can be a date to them lol. They can come from a religious family tbh, and religion could have been around them their whole life, mostly because ruler being Neptune is in my 4H, so family can be religious. They can also be either religious too or not. They can also be spiritual. But for this part I think they have a lot of intuition or potential in their spirituality, that they are aware of it or not. Will probably have a spiritual awakening at some point. They can have a strong connection to the dreams realm too.
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Thank you for reading!
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crsssie · 6 months ago
Text
i'd stay, cancel my flights, change everything just to be in your life
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word count: 11.3k
summary: parallel lines holding hands, side by side til the end of time
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"You're leaving?" You raise a brow, watching as Leon, sweet 21-year-old Leon, pulls his suitcases to the door with all the boxes of his things.
"I have to." He frowns. "You won't move to Raccoon with me, and it's—"
"Landlines cost a fortune to use. I know." You close your eyes. "Will you write to me?"
"I can try." He doesn't dare to look you in the eye. You know he doesn't want to leave. He knows he shouldn't just break up with you like this. Is this the end of your relationship? All because the two of you refuse to do things to stay together? Is this selfishness... or is it something else? Did Leon ever really truly love you?
"Trying is too much. If we're truly meant to be, may we cross paths in the future once more." You hum. "I'll help you move the boxes."
"Will you visit?"
"Depends if you invite me." You crack only the lightest of jokes, boxes put into the back of his car as he closes the trunk with a thud, fiddling with his fingers as he looks at you.
"I guess this is goodbye?"
"May our paths cross again." You hold your hand out, and Leon pulls you in instead, arms wrapped around your waist as he squeezes, heart racing painfully against his chest.
He doesn't like that he has to make this decision.
"I'll see you again, I promise." He mumbles.
You watch Leon Kennedy drive into the sunset, stuck staring from your place in the suburbs as his car eventually loses itself in the light. You wonder if that is a sign of something. Is it possible to blind yourself from the light? Is it dooming to force oneself into the sun? May his wings not burn off, you decide. No matter how far, you hope that he will be kept safe. That is all that matters to you. And when he is inevitably too close to the sun one day, may the embrace of the stars catch him and hold him close. The sun is a star, after all.
Yet, the sun gives warmth to life, and when you're stuck staring at the two lines on the test, you think the sun has burned you for getting too close.
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You only ever receive one letter from Leon the entire time the two of you are apart.
Signed two days after his new beginning, delivered five days after the destruction of Raccoon City, you are given all of the details of what had occurred during the time that Leon had been in that place.
Don't come find me, as I no longer hope our paths cross ever again
Heed my words, LSK
You decide to do what Leon knew you did best. The story of Raccoon City is turned into a bestseller, people crowding to read more about what your mind could conjure about the mystery of Raccoon City on the news, desperate to get some sort of twisted release. You do not heed Leon's words. You do not answer to the desperate public. Instead, you disappear after the release of the novel. You're sure that Leon's more than happy to see you disappear from the public as he had instructed you to do so. You would become a thorn in his side— or something. You're not quite sure. Do you care all that much? You wish you could say no. You know nothing more than the fact that Leon survived. However, from the fact that he knew so much, you can only assume that he ended up working somewhere in the twisted political system. Perhaps not politics... perhaps government.
Your daughter is born, a sweet girl that you decide should take your last name instead of his. It is a curse, that last name of his. His sweet girl should not have to deal with everything that comes with being of his blood. Your sweet girl belongs to you rather than to him. She will be raised and loved and cherished until she knows that it is not worth it to throw your life away simply because you have fallen in love with someone. She will be the new light in your life, and you will choose to bring joy to her life to the best of your ability.
When you catch Leon at 27 on the news after saving the president's daughter from Spain, you do not feel anything.
You hope not to feel something. Are you supposed to feel something? Is there anything left to feel for a man who has not been part of your life for over 6 years? It would be pathetic to mourn over what could have been. It is truly not your problem. You do not get the luxury of being in his life anymore. Perhaps, he did not want the luxury of being in yours. "I no longer hope our paths cross ever again." Are you supposed to just move on? Leon, the man that you are.
Your daughter asks you how work was when you pick her up from elementary school, and you tell her that you had caught a government agent returning home after a particularly hard mission. She asks you if you have a story to tell her, so you tell her the story of how you met Leon, his youth and yours entwined as you promised to stay together until the stars in the sky burned out, but you don't tell her that it was her dad. You tell her that it was a story you heard from a friend because you would rather bear the guilt of lying to her than let her know that her parents were cowards — that you were a coward.
At 28, you catch a glance of Leon in the window of a coffee shop in the capital, eyes meeting his for a second before he turns away first and decides that you are not worth the time.
It hurts more than you'd like to admit.
Instead, you continue on your way to your interview, wondering if you should just ditch now that you are aware that your blind guess had been correct. Leon Scott Kennedy was in the capital of the country, and you would be stuck in the vicinity of him at all times if you took the job. Though, you really can't pass up on such good pay. What right do you have to complain if you receive a pay far better than anything else? Who are you in a capitalistic system that will inevitably drive you to ruin one day?
You wonder why there are so many rhetorical questions that spin in your mind.
Yet, you stay in the capital because you know it is better to move on face to face than to mull over the shadow of what it could have been.
What use is a hypothetical in the face of reality?
Besides, it mattered more than you had a child to feed.
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When Leon is 35 (you're still counting), the two of you meet at a press conference. You stare at him and he stares at you, and the two of you exchange a nod before you both go your own ways. You are here to help someone just as he is — only in different ways. Leon is to serve with his body, and you are to serve with your mind. What difference does it make if you both are serving someone in the end? What difference does it make if it's the body or the mind? Can you truly say that the two of you are different at all?
You wonder if Leon is truly healing when he looks so distraught over something. Perhaps he's busy with whatever the government is tasking him with. If he's by the president's side, then surely he's someone of higher ranking now. You think it's been a long time since you've seen his face properly. Age has wrecked through his body, fine lines in the corners of his eyes and lips, facial hair so much more defined than when you had first met him. Time is ticking, yet you are stuck in place.
Your daughter moves quickly, high school starting as she gets to tell everyone that her mom is a major journalist, at the frontier of covering big issues regarding the rumors that spread around. She treats you like her hero, and for the first time in a while, you let out a sigh in relief that makes your whole body relax. It is as if the tension that you would accidentally let the frustration of raising her alone ruin her life has finally been lifted from your shoulders. You will be alright. No matter how much the two of you would fight, you will be fine because you have survived for so long and you will continue to.
At 38, you watch Leon return after a mission abroad with the rest of the press, staring at the bandages on his cheek, watching as he passes you with a glance, movements never stopping once. You are stuck in place, you think. You are moving at the same pace as Leon when you could be running ahead, and it will inevitably come back to destroy you. What use is there in matching someone's pace when they do not think of you? Are you stuck in place? Will you be stuck here forever? You thought moving to the capital could change things, yet you are back where you began.
The world is moving too fast for you to keep up.
At least someone grounds you.
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One day, your flip phone becomes a smartphone, and your cents charged for the landline become a monthly phone plan that you pay at the beginning of the month with your rent and just about everything else. The world is moving on, so why are you stuck in place? Maybe it was you who needed to be caught in the stars and not Leon. Who will catch the moon when it collapses from the sky? What chasing is there if the moon will never see the sun?
What does it take to break a cycle of destruction?
Not much, apparently.
When Leon himself is banging at your door at the crack of midnight, you know better than to open the door, but you do it anyway. If you are to die, then you might as well let it be at his hands.
"I'm sorry." He's gasping for air, on his knees.
Leon Kennedy, a grown man in his forties, kneeling at your open front door.
You wonder if you should just cut it right here.
"Do I—"
"You don't need to." He heaves, breathing heavy as he dares not to look at you. "I'm sorry."
You stare down at him, and you wonder if this is the universe's way of apologizing to you.
"You can crash the couch. If you leave tomorrow morning, then I'll take all of this as a mistake you're making while drunk." You let him in, and you know he'll be gone in the morning.
Leon was not one to go against his own words.
Yet, in the morning, you find yourself staring at Leon as he serves you breakfast, terrified of talking to you or something. It makes you raise a brow, but you thank him as you start on breakfast. He wants to say something. You wonder if he hasn't changed at all since you've last seen him. Maybe somewhere deep down, he's still that rookie who had his first day in a zombie-infested city.
"I really am sorry."
"There's no way you're deciding this now." You don't bother looking at him, sitting down as he hands you a plate of food for breakfast instead. Always an action. Always an act of service in order to remind you that he loves you instead of speaking up. You wonder if you're the one being stubborn in that case. Maybe the reason your relationship went downhill was all because of you. It is always you, you find.
Yet, despite all odds, your daughter is in college now.
"I heard you have a daughter." He laughs dryly, leaning against the kitchen marble as you raise a brow at him.
"Yes. I do."
You stare at Leon as he sucks in a breath, and you refuse to tell him. Even if he asks, you will lie through your teeth to make sure that the wound in your relationship would be severed. You do not understand why he still insists on checking in on you, but as you start eating, you do not complain. If he wishes to drag your severed limbs through the mud, then let him do so. If he would have to exist in your life only to wound you over and over again, then let him do so. If you should exist only to be hurt back because you had hurt him first, then let it be so.
"Is she mine?"
You stare at Leon, and then shake your head.
"Who's the... father?"
"Hookup. I forgot to take the morning after pill." You start at the breakfast, humming quietly as Leon stares at you apprehensively. "You didn't burn the bacon this time."
"That was once." He points.
Yet, you finish the food, watching as Leon still lingers. He stays. You don't know what prompts him to stay, and quite frankly, you're too scared to ask how he managed to get your address, but you keep quiet. You do not want to know. You should not want to know. You aren't someone in his life anymore, so does it really matter if you know or not. Maybe you should let your daughter know that her biological father has decided to crash at your apartment door at two am on a Monday all in the name of apologizing. You're sure that she'd be disappointed after you had told her to never take a man back unless he groveled.
"Why are you really here?" You stare up at Leon as he slides you a mug of tea, and he sighs.
"Wanted to know if Leona was mine. She..."
"Don't delude yourself." You press the mug to your lips, and Leon exhales.
"Do you want the truth?"
"Should've started with that."
"You're on a wanted list of potential conspiracy theorists."
"What the hell?"
"Leaking government secrets... or something. That book you published."
"Ah." You mumble. "All over the book?"
"Too accurate of a retelling. The government didn't cover up the nuking, but they did cover up the zombies, so—"
"So they think I somehow am convincing the masses with the book that there were zombies."
"It's a national security concern."
"Which involves you? I thought the CIA covered that."
"I asked the president personally to be put on the case... didn't wanna fly international again. Also, it was you." He swallows slowly.
"So, if I get caught, you go down with the ship too, huh?" You laugh dryly, sliding him the half of breakfast you didn't touch. "You need to eat too."
You wonder if it mirrors all the times that Leon had been too tired after a day of drills to even respond to you when the two of you had been together, but even then, he had threaded his fingers between yours, telling you to sleep well before he headed off to bed himself. Age or PTSD? You can not imagine the trauma that goes into shaping Leon into who you see before you now. The blonde he used to dye his hair has faded out into a darker color — damaged hair making it a lighter brown rather than the one you had been used to when you first met him. Are you overstepping your boundaries? Is he overstepping your boundaries? You can not tell.
"Old habits die hard, huh?"
"It's been nearly twenty years." You mumble. "They shouldn't be habits anymore."
"Trust me. Some of them are just embedded into your soul." He glances at the door as it rattles, and you pinch the bridge of your nose.
"I'm home." Your daughter, Leona, pauses when she notices the man in the kitchen. "Who's this?"
"Leon Kennedy." You don't give her any more details beyond that, exhaustion written all over your face enough to tell her to save the question for another time. "How was the trip?"
"It was fun. I'll show you photos after I unpack. Hi, Mr. Kennedy."
Leon nods in response.
"Of course, baby. Did you eat yet?"
"I had a bagel in the morning, but I'll need lunch. Did the stuff in the fridge go bad?"
"No. I'll make lunch for us today."
"Thank you, ma."
You smile, waving as she tugs her luggage with her into her room.
"She's the spitting image of me." Leon stares down at you, brows furrowed. "How can she not be mine? Everything matches up."
"I cheated on you with a blonde man with blue eyes before you moved, or something." You half-ass it, standing up as you close your eyes and watch him eat. "What's next? I go to the town hall? I turn myself into the CIA?"
"No, I just need to monitor you regularly. That's it. You've been inactive in terms of writing for years. They just want me to keep you in check." He hums. "They moved me in next door. Let me know if you need anything."
"For how long?"
"Only a couple of months." He nods. "Can I meet Leona sometime?"
You glance at her open door, wondering if you should treat this a little more seriously.
"Make us lunch."
"Hm?"
"Lunch. We can talk about this over lunch. Dinner is too formal." You sigh. "Are you trying to be back in her life?"
"So she is mine." He mumbles. "I had a daughter all this time and you never bothered to tell me?"
"Didn't feel necessary. It would have stirred up too much press. Can you imagine me yelling at you that you have a daughter? The government would go insane. Now, answer my question. Are you trying to involve yourself in her life, or do you just want to introduce yourself to her?"
"You'll let me co-parent her?"
"Leon Scott Kennedy." You seethe. "Answer the fucking question."
"I don't know, but I think introducing myself would be a good start."
You pinch the bridge of your nose. "Shakshuka for brunch."
"Shakshuka?"
"We have the ingredients for it. You're on cooking duty. I trust that you haven't just been living off of store-bought food this whole time."
"No, I picked up cooking recently." He looks up a recipe on his phone, searching for the ingredients in your pantry as you knock on your daughter's door.
"Hm?"
"Leon will join us for brunch. Is that alright?"
"It's fine, ma." She smiles. "I have an idea on what's going to come out just... based off of his face."
"It wasn't to hurt you."
"I know." She nods. "I'll mull over it later when my insomnia hits, but I'll mull over it. I know you didn't do it to hurt me."
You glance at the souvenir she's decided to bring back and raise a brow. "Is that a mug?"
"Isn't it cute?" She grins. "Found it at a local potter's place while there."
"It is." You take it from her, tilting it to get a good look at the colors as she starts explaining the rest of her little trinkets.
"This one's for you." She hands you a mug that looks the same, and you raise a brow at the design.
"XOXO Gossip girl?" You raise a brow. "My coworkers are going to love this."
"Did you call off work today?"
"Yeah. Leon crashed last night, and I told the team that I wasn't able to make it."
"PTO?"
"PTO." You hum. "Thank you for the mug, baby. Did you see anything fun?"
"Met the president's daughter."
"On the trip?"
"Yeah. Our sorority was introducing ex-members, and she was one of them. She brought up how I reminded her of the dude who saved her that one time she got kidnapped... said we shared a name too."
"Ah, is that how?"
"Felt like a strange coincidence more than anything." She places her two bags of trinkets on her desk, and she hands you her mug. "Did you name me after him?"
"Partially. I just wanted you to be brave like your name." You listen to the way that the kitchen hood turns off. "Brunch is ready."
"How long did you date?"
"I'll tell you that after I've had my first glass." You hum. "I need one if you're going to ask me all of these questions."
Leona laughs, lips curled upwards as you take her out with you. She's taller than you, yet she is still your baby. Your sweet child whom you adored so much has grown up so much. The spitting image of her father that you had grown to be thankful for rather than get haunted by in the narrative. Your sweet daughter that you adored.
"Brunch is— oh, you both are already here. Your mother requested shakshuka."
"Oh... it's been all over my Tiktok lately." Your daughter mumbles.
"And I saw some bread, so I toasted some slices." Leon nods. "I figured I should introduce myself. I'm Leon—"
"My father." Your daughter is curt, nodding as Leon takes her hand. "Nice to finally know who you are."
"Trust me, had I known earlier, I would have come running. Your mother is insanely good at keeping secrets."
"Yes, ma has always been like that." Your daughter sits back down to start eating. "What do you work in?"
"Government."
"Like administrative or politics?"
"Security."
"Like FBI or internet?"
"I'd say it's closer to FBI, though, we don't do the same missions. I've been protecting the president lately."
"So like... bodyguard."
"Something like that."
You plate your daughter's food first and then Leon's, and yours last. You watch as your daughter makes small talk with him, surprisingly unbothered by the sudden intrusion of her biological father in her life, getting to know him over brunch. Though, you know your daughter better than anyone. She's not getting to know Leon, she's just making small talk so that Leon lets his guard down around her. You can't say you blame her. It's hard to accept a man who's been missing all of your life as soon as he comes back.
Your daughter turns to you as you hand her the plate. "Can I drink?"
"Careful, Leon can arrest you for that." You bite into your slice of toast, giving her no other answer.
"You let her drink?"
"It's safer to know what her tolerance is than to have her find out on her own. The answer is no, though. Not today, at least. Maybe when Leon isn't here."
"Tough luck, I'll be here pretty often from now on."
"What?" Your daughter raises a brow at you, and you give her a look that can only mean you'll tell her later.
"There won't be a later." Leon hums.
"If you write this in the report I'm going to burn you alive." You grumble. "Mom's under suspicion from the government because of a book I published years ago. A fiction book."
Your daughter raises a brow, and realization strikes her.
"Oh my god, it was true?"
"Leon wrote all of it in a letter to me." You hum. "And yes, it's what Leon does."
"You eradicate zombies? Like The Walking Dead?"
"Well, not as dramatic—" He pauses. "Alright. Sometimes it gets that dramatic, but it's nothing super big. They're moreso mutated biological weapons than zombies—"
"You fight bioweapons for a living. That's huge." Your daughter mumbles. "Do you know the biology behind it all? What are the—"
"Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell you. The government would suspect you next."
Your daughter huffs, going back to her egg instead.
"Are you in college? What are you majoring in?"
"Biology. I'm specializing in bioweapons"
"What."
You hold back the laugh that threatens to break onto your face, eating quietly as you watch Leon blink at your daughter twice.
"Biological weapons?"
"More specifically, I study gene mutation. I study how they come to be."
Leon turns to look at you, and you shrug. "Her choice. Whether she uses it for good or bad ultimately depends on her."
"They teach that?"
"GWU does." Your daughter shrugs. "Can I continue unpacking?"
"Of course, baby." You nod. "I'll keep chatting with Leon."
"Thank you for brunch." She nods, heading off.
"You're letting her study something that dangerous?"
"It's not dangerous unless she decides it is." You wipe your mouth, staring at the last egg. "What am I expected to do?"
"Not much." Leon hums. "I just need to report your day-to-day."
"Alright. I'm gonna rot on the couch all day, so you'll have nothing much to do. Is this your job for the next couple of months?"
"Don't worry, you'll have me all—"
"If you say another word, I'm going to shoot myself."
Leon laughs in response.
You find that having Leon around isn't the end of the world. You still exist in your day-to-day life, Leon hanging around your apartment while you're at work and your daughter is in class, and it makes for an interesting icebreaker when people ask how your weekend went. (It isn't "my ex moved next door to me", no, it's "a government agent paid me a visit over the weekend"). Yet, life goes on, and you find that despite your brooding over how the end of the world was coming because Leon had slipped back into your life, it's very much not the case. If anything, Leon sort of just exists in your life.
At the very least, someone cooks for both you and your daughter when you return home.
"What's the menu tonight?" You raise a brow, your daughter coming in after you as she kicks off her slippers.
"Beef stew."
"I'm surprised he knows how to season his food."
You hold back a laugh, sliding your heels off as Leon feigns a look of offense. Your daughter peels her tablet out, settling on the couch as you sit next to her, yawning.
"How was work?"
"Leon, stop acting like we're married." You grumble.
"Yeah, but you like coming home to a home-cooked meal, no?"
"Caught red-handed." You put both your hands up, watching as your daughter does some sort of witchery with her ochem homework. You don't wish it upon anyone, ever. Though, the idea of Leon trying to figure it out does amuse you just a little bit. You decide a short nap would work in your favor, telling the two to wake you up when dinner is ready, eyes closing as your daughter tells you good night.
Good night means you wake up at two am in bed, Leon knocked out on the couch, and just about a hundred question marks floating over your head. You glance at the pot of stew that sits in the fridge and a smaller bowl portioned out for you, and you jump in your skin when you hear Leon move.
"Awake?"
"Yeah." You reach for a can of beer, cracking it open as you sit back on the couch. "Why are you still here?"
"I was going to take you to bed, but I remembered you don't like your outside clothes on in your bed. I can't change you anymore since... yeah." He pauses at the beer. "Drinking on an empty stomach isn't going to feel so good in the morning."
"Wow, how kind of you."
Leon has not forgotten you. You're made aware of that at the very least, eyes still full of a sincerity and warmth that you had grown used to decades ago. It makes you sick to the stomach that you had such an effect on him despite the two of you ending on good terms. It was not good terms. It was surface-level good terms, but both of you had secretly wished the other would say something about sticking together. Both of you are cowards, now that you think about it. He probably would have stayed had you let him know that you were pregnant, but you didn't wish to hold him back. Maybe it was selfish of you.
Yet, you do not regret all that you have done for your daughter.
"I never moved on." Leon speaks slowly, light in the living room dim as you raise a brow at him. "I... I thought about you all these years, and—"
"If you're staying back to tell me all of this useless stuff, I don't see a point in you staying back."
"You're not ready for this conversation?"
"Leon," You glare at him. "This isn't a conversation we should be having at all. Our feelings mean nothing now. You're here to monitor me casually, nothing else. Imagine if the government found out that you were being so lacking on the job."
You watch as Leon's voice gets caught in his throat.
"We're too old for this."
"We aren't." He tries.
"We are." You leave it at that, shaking your bottle as you realize it's half empty. "Leon, we're in our forties and both have jobs—"
"You can't just say shit like that to hurt me!"
"Keep your voice down. Leona's a light sleeper." You grumble. "It's fine. Let's just end it at that."
Leon stays quiet, and the look behind his eyes tells you more than enough that he wants to continue the conversation, but he learns to keep quiet. It feels the same as before. It was always petty squabbles that could be fixed the morning after once you've cooled down, but you don't want to. It's a conversation you refuse to have with Leon. It's a conversation that's been rotting in the display case of your heart — something you refuse to let go of all because it would feel foreign. You're selfish, you find. You used to care for Leon's heart as your own, but the rotting has consumed your heart and mind. Maybe you will only hurt him if you stay close.
"Morning." Leon hands you your cup of tea and your daughter her flask of water, waving to her as she rushes off for her 8am.
"Morning." You press the mug to your lips.
"Ready to talk about it?"
"I told you the conversation was over." You hum, turning to stare at the clock. "I have work in an hour and a half."
"We should get breakfast by your workplace."
"Sure, mister bodyguard." You mumble. "Didn't feel like cooking?"
"You need to diffuse."
"I'm very good at separating personal life and my work life." You hum. "You're paying."
"Yeah, yeah." He grabs his jacket from the rack as you hit the button to lock the door, clicking on your phone as you start the security system.
"You driving?"
"I'd have to pick you up from work, no?"
"Leon... I take public transport to work. Leona uses the car."
"Oh." He pauses. "... I have a bike?"
You raise a brow.
When Leon said bike, you were expecting more of a... bike bike rather than a motorbike, and as Leon steps on the gas and you're chanting quiet prayers in your mind to stay alive, something feels all too foreign yet familiar. Leon wanted to get a motorbike when the two of you had first started dating years ago, so to be able to see Leon have his own and drive safely was interesting. You are watching him grow. He has changed in little parts of his life. It is comforting to know that the pace you had been matching was moving at the very least. Perhaps you can not see how far you've come if no one can show you how far you've gone.
"Ugh, my hair." You huff, fixing your hair as Leon pays for parking.
"Is this a date?"
"If you somehow remember my order." You brush at the loose strands, following behind Leon as he guides you around the uneven pavement. You wonder if you'll bump into someone you know. It's a popular brunch place even for government workers. You follow Leon in, blinking as somehow a table clears up and the two of you are seated. It makes you raise a brow, but you don't think too much, looking at your emails as he orders for the two of you. You wonder how much of you he does remember.
When one of your coworkers comes up and asks you who you're with, you glance at Leon and tell the guy that it's your neighbor. He was plenty of trouble already, and as Leon raises a brow at the man that only means trouble, you worry for the poor guy's health. Leon's going to decimate this guy, even if it's unintentional. You can only hope he doesn't go around telling everyone you're hooking up with your ex again. Though, it's not like they knew you had an ex. You could play everything off. Perhaps this was the curse of working in journalism with men whose temper breaks at the slightest aggravation.
"If you're just neighbors, then this should be fine, right? What, you won't date me because your daughter's still young? She's an adult now. You should be honored that—"
"Hey, man, I wouldn't go that way if I was you." Leon raises a brow at the man, and your coworker raises a brow.
"Shut it, neighbor."
"The father of her child begs to differ."
That's all it takes to shut up your coworker, his face red as he storms off, and you grin into your palm, eyes meeting Leon's as he hums.
"Didn't even need to pull out the badge."
"Now, that would have been a power move." You thank the waiter as the food comes and eat. "You keep it on you?"
"Required at all times. It's helpful when out, definitely." He glances at the food. "Will you have leftovers?"
"Definitely. Can you take them back for me?"
"Of course."
When you arrive at the company, you're bombarded with questions — unsurprising considering everyone here is an investigative journalist of some kind, and you wave all of them off. You don't want to talk about it. He is the father of your daughter. That's all. He's not someone you're allowed to love anymore, and you should leave it at that. It won't just take a handful of months for him to somehow get you back. It would have to take more than that. No one pries further when they notice you refuse to budge. Perhaps time would tell.
When you return, you note your daughter's text about staying over at a friend's place and step home.
"Where's Leona?"
"Out with her best friend." You hum. "House is just me for the week. Don't try anything funny, though."
"Do you still have the old photobook?"
"Of before we broke up?" You raise a brow, pulling out another can from the fridge.
"Can I get one?" He thanks you as he catches it, nodding to your question.
"Yeah. It's somewhere in the study's cardboard boxes. Why?"
"Wanted to look over them."
"Well, haven't you grown sentimental?" You crack open the bottle, holding it out to clink bottles with him, pressing the drink to your lips as you hum.
"Maybe I just miss you."
"I'm right here."
"Sometimes I worry you aren't."
You laugh in response, brows knitting and resembling a sneer, but it isn't malicious. It's the same smile that Leon knew you put on when you were annoyed that someone had read you like an open book. It wasn't fair. Leon hadn't moved either, and the two of you had been stuck matching pacing in life only to stay exactly where the two of you had started. It wasn't fair. It was never fair. Were you stuck where you began all because you had been fixated on your past? Unfair. It was unfair.
Leon stares at the can in his hand, sighing.
"What's wrong now?"
"I should have looked for you earlier." He mumbles, grimacing at the taste of the alcohol on his tongue. "I should have known."
"I didn't expect you to."
"You had been nauseous the days leading up to my departure."
"And? I kept her from you."
"It was not your fault. I left you with no way to contact me." He mumbles. "I should've... worried about her instead of someone else."
"It's not your fault. You didn't start the outbreak, and you didn't choose to join the government."
"How did you know that?" He turns to look at you, and you hum. "Despite our cutting news, we also take bribes. One of the first archival information I was given was that you had been forced into your position because of your stellar behavior in Raccoon City. They threatened you with that other girl.,, Sherry, was it?"
Leon grimaces. "I ended up seeing her so little because of my position."
"It wasn't your fault." You tap the rim of the can, blinking slowly as Leon meets eyes with you.
"You haunt my world."
"Good to know." You swallow slowly, staring at Leon as he meets eyes with you. You wonder if he's actually drunk or just taking the opportunity to be honest with you. Regardless, you appreciate the attempted honesty. Shall you bait him? Tear your soul bare all for him to look at you and touch your heart all over again? Shall you present yourself bare to the bone to Leon so he could feel that you were finally being honest with him? How unkind of you — to think that way.
"Leon, did you love me?"
"I don't think love could even begin to describe how much I adored you." He runs his hand through his hair, laughing as he takes another drink. "I couldn't sleep without you for months after I left."
"Really?" You think back to all the nights you had woken up in need to empty out your stomach, grimacing at the memory. "But you moved on, no?"
"Hm?" Leon turns to look at you completely now, eyes going half-lidded as you get the idea. "No, sweetheart. I never did."
"I guess those shitty bedroom eyes you give me when you want something hasn't either. Couch is all yours. I'm locking the door tonight."
"I love you." Leon manages, swallowing as he stumbles out of the chair, reaching for your wrist as he ends up on his knees again. "Fuck, I'd rather die than live without you again. I'm already here begging for you — what, what else do I need to do? I'll—"
"Leon." You stare down at him, brows furrowed as you seem to remember this scene all too well. "We're both adults with jobs—"
"With a daughter." He swallows. "We're parents too, you know? We're also our own people. Why do you keep stopping me from making choices to put you first?"
"You work for the government. As much as I despise it, you keep all of us safe." You mumble. "Let's talk in the morning if you remember anything about this conversation at all."
"I'm not drunk." He mumbles, and you drag him back to the ouch, helping him get comfortable as you stare down at his closed eyes.
You've hurt the two of you more than enough, you think.
You check your daughter's location, fingers clicking on your keyboard as you wonder if you should take a trip out too. It had been a while since you've actually taken paid vacations and not sick days. You wonder if you'd get your ass kicked if you just decided to take PTO off a day in advance, but considering the lack of news going around lately, it wouldn't be impossible.
A break. You need a break to collect yourself.
So, you leave Leon a note, refusing to diffuse too quickly out of a fear that you'll snap, and you call the head office right first thing in the morning to let them know that you'll be taking two weeks off for personal reasons. You assure them anything left to you will be handed in on time, just... you wouldn't be able to make it to the office. It's not PTO, the more that you think about it. You're really just working remotely.
You leave in the morning with a suitcase, ticket booked for the middle of nowhere. Anywhere but home, you decide. It is not that home is where your belongings are. Your home is where your heart is, and for a long, long time, it has been with Leon. You can not recall a moment in which he hasn't been the place your heart was, but you wonder if it was possible that at some point, your heart had just shattered and broke in your chest instead of staying with him.
You step out onto the sunny beach houses of your company's private island given as a bribe and think you're in utter bliss. Though, the story that would have sold was worth a couple million dollars, you guess. You don't care at that point. It had been a long time since you had last taken a while off for the sake of your body. You draft things to discuss when you get back. You're sure Leon will probably find you somehow, but it really isn't your problem. Until you're nice and warm from the inside out under the sun, it is not something you'll care about.
You should probably have a talk with Leona once the two of you return as well.
Your days on vacation are nice, sand in your toes and drink in your hand as you abuse company privileges, checking your phone to like your daughter's photos as she sends you updates about her day. You're glad Leon doesn't have your number (though you're sure that he could get it if he really wanted it). You trust that he lacks in nothing when it comes to stalking you down.
Which is inevitably true when Leon finds himself on the same island, texting Ashley a thanks as he steps up to your beach chair, covering you from the sun as you stare up.
"Took you long enough."
"Still haven't changed that awful habit of yours, huh? Running away when you need to have a conversation?" He takes a step back, taking a seat on the beach chair next to you.
"It took you a while this time."
"Yeah, well, it isn't exactly the small town bar we used to visit, no? I can't believe your third place has become a private island only certain government workers can get into."
"Yeah, but you're here, no?" You sit up, taking your sunglasses off. "Let's talk."
"I'm sorry."
"I still don't understand why you're apologizing if there's nothing to apologize for."
"I feel guilty that I left."
"We weren't in a place where we could decide where we wanted to go." You pause. "The child would have slowed you down. Leona's great, but if I told you that you had a daughter, you would have left everything behind just to return. I did not want to tear that away from you."
"I—"
"You couldn't have raised a child with your job." You hum. "I don't despise you for it."
"And then? Did you love me at all? You never let me decide what I wanted and didn't want to do." He grimaces. "I would've put you two first. You know that. I loved you even while I should not have. You should know better than anyone that I would have been hung up over you. You can not replace my first love in my heart and then not tell me about Leona."
"It's unfortunate I did, then."
"I... still love you." He mumbles. "It's fine if it's not mutual, but please don't cut me out of your life again. Let me make the choices this time. We're both at an age where we can."
You finally look at Leon, and you sigh. "I won't stop you, but do not expect anything back from me."
"I won't."
You wonder if you should fear getting used to being taken care of by Leon. You play cards with him by the pool, drink with him at the bar, lie with him under the warm sun, and you wonder if you've gone back in time for a moment. Is this it? Is that it? Is that all there is to this? Is all it took a sincere apology from him? You feel like you should apologize as well, but there's just something stuck in your throat whenever you try and bring it up.
"Hey, Leon, did you ever hate me?" You glance at the wine in your glass, and Leon raises a brow from the hotel room. You wonder when the two of you had become close enough to share a room again. Is this some weird form of being roommates? You're too old for this, you think. You're far too old to be having a moment like this.
"No. Well, I was hurt when you told me to leave, but I never hated you." He hums.
"Good, since I feel like I still owe you an apology and all that." You mumble. "Sorry for forcing choices upon you. I just... I always feel like you can do better."
"Oh, honey, you are better." He mumbles, raising a brow at you from his bed as you frown.
"Sure, but I'm still sorry for being a terrible person." You mutter. "I can't guarantee anything from your efforts, but I appreciate you a lot."
Leon raises a brow at your words, but he doesn't speak up.
"Anyways. Maybe I'm just some control freak who needs to know everything that's going on like some maniac." You tuck your legs under your chin, staring out at the ocean as Leon seems to remember something. You don't know what, but you feel too vulnerable to find out, opting to stay in place and blink instead. The waves crash against the sand gently, and even when the lights are turned off and you're stuck in bed, you wonder if something's wrong. There's always something wrong.
You step out of the room, stepping on the beach as you wrap the robe around you tighter. The waves are higher now, and as you dip your feet in the cold water, you wonder what it'd be like to float off into the distance. Right. right. No, you have a daughter who would ruin her life in order to fix yours. You wonder how you managed to raise her to be the way she is without a father in the house. Maybe you sold your soul in order to do that.
The waves eat at your ankles, night breeze rustling your hair, goosebumps snaking up your calves as you continue staring into the distance. You don't know. You wonder if you could just keep playing stupid and not knowing. It had worked until Leon stumbled back into your life. Well, stumbled would be the wrong word. He kind of... crashed into your life again. You still wonder if his mission was truly a mission. He was always the type to make harmless jokes when it came to you.
It probably isn't. You saw him working on his laptop before you tucked yourself in.
"You're up." Leon's voice emerges from behind you, and you take a step back to turn.
"Yes." You hum.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"No." You close your eyes as the wind blows again.
"What's wrong?"
"A lot." You mumble. "Though, not much of it is my choice. I'm wondering if I can just go back to playing stupid."
"You should see a therapist." Leon cracks a smile. "Mine's pretty good."
"No wonder you've changed so much." You sport the same smile, stepping out of the water back into the sand. "Let's go back."
"Will you be able to sleep?"
"Time will tell."
You aren't able to, but at the very least you catch three hours of rest before you emerge from bed with bedhead you hadn't seen since your youth. Leon laughs as he brings you breakfast, and you sigh, raking your hands through your hair.
"How's Leona?"
"I think she went to Amsterdam or something."
"How are you sustaining her lifestyle?"
"I know this is hard to believe, but our company actually pays a livable wage for all of us since we know too much. The government has compensation for our work too. We're basically entangled with the government at this point."
"And you don't pay for your life?"
"No bad sides. I don't know which senators and people of the cabinet decided to bomb the city. I just know it was bombed. It's why you received such a vague order."
Leon puts your breakfast down by your legs.
"Thank you." You hum. "How'd you sleep?"
The look on Leon's face implies something along the lines of getting the best rest in a while.
"That's good." You start at breakfast, staring at the lower tides before glancing at Leon. "Did we ever go on a beach date? I forgot."
"Us and what beach? We were landlocked."
"True, huh." You think to yourself, eating absentmindedly as Leon changes in the bathroom. You glance at the robe on yourself, and you wonder if you should just go naked or something. No, you'd probably get sniped or something. Shorts it is.
You place the tray on the table as you finish, wiping your mouth when Leon steps out of the bathroom.
"Wowwwww..." You grin. "Stay in shape, Agent Kennedy?"
"Government-mandated." He chuckles. "When do you go back?"
"In like, two days. You gonna catch a flight back with me?"
"How else am I going to get back?"
"Not sure." You hum. "Maybe swimming?"
"On an island in the middle of the Atlantic? Tough luck." He hums.
Leon settles back into your life after that. You wonder if this would categorize as co-parenting or being roommates, but you don't put a label to anything. It's not worth the time and effort. The PTO was good for your soul, but you return to being a corporate slave in the end anyway. Only, you wish Leon would stop stirring up more trouble when picking you up downstairs at your office each day. Would it kill him to be a little more secretive? Well, not like you told him about it. You used to like it when he did that while dating.
"You got me flowers?" You raise a brow, taking them from him as he nods.
"How was work?"
"It was fine. If you think this is all it takes to win me back, though? Not happening." You glance at the flowers. "Though, thank you for the flowers."
You're sure your coworkers are going insane over this. You don't know how long you had been single when most of your coworkers had gotten married and hitched. It really wasn't something on your mind after having Leona. So, for you to be going through the whole courtship thing again from Leon was a little strange. Well, not that you mind being pampered.
"Are you driving us home?" You raise a brow.
"I promise not to crash." He shows you the car keys, and you sigh. Well, if you die, you die.
You yawn as you get on behind him, arms wrapping around his waist as he takes you home. You wonder if Leona's home by now. She's probably unpacking again. You're not really surprised when you get home and she has her stuff sprawled out in the living room. Well, as long as it's not hurting anyone.
"What's this?" You pick up a keychain with a rabbit. "Miffy?"
"Miffy! The Dutch rabbit that Japan loves." Your daughter hums. "Isn't she cute?"
"Yes, she is." You hum. "Should I..."
"Don't check my credit card statement, please." She mumbles. "I've made some bad decisions."
"As long as you can pay it off." Your brows furrow as you contemplate. "Yeah, as long as you won't end up in debt."
She gives you a thumbs up. "You can have the one you picked up. There should be another one in blue for Leon."
"You got him something?"
"Appreciate it." He picks up the keychain, glancing at the doll. "The agents are about to have a field day when they see this keychain."
"Too out of character?"
"No, last time I had a keychain was in Spain." He hums. "I ended up giving it to Ashley."
"She still uses it." Leona speaks up. "I was out with her this time."
"When the hell did you get so close to the ex-president's daughter?"
"When I went on my sorority trip. She liked me a lot since I look so much like Leon."
"When are you going to start calling me dad?"
"Never." Leona deadpans. "You've been missing all my life. Don't push your luck."
Leon pouts, squeezing the keychain gently to calm himself.
"Yeah, she flew me over. She's great. Saw her texting Leon on the trip, though. You wanna explain that?"
"I was looking for your mom." Leon hums.
"Oh, the flowers." You remember, kicking your shoes off as you rest them on the counter.
"Yeah, I told her you're my biological dad and she told me about some agent you were flirting with in Spain."
"Not a government agent." He clears up. "She's someone I met in Raccoon City."
"Kissed?"
He grimaces as your daughter takes it as a yes. "If you cheat on mom, I'm going to ruin your life."
"How?"
"You'd be surprised how many senator's children go to my uni. Stay keen, and don't be an ass."
Leon settles into a schedule of picking you up after work, a different trinket in hand each time he picks you up, and you always take it, placing it in a box in the living room, the three of you eating together for dinner. You wonder if Leona has ever considered having a dad. Maybe she gave up a long time ago when you explained to her that her dad was someone in your past. Well, that statement sure came to bite you in the ass. He's not so much of someone in the past now, is he? You wonder if Leona would have something to say if you were to start with Leon again.
Yet, you don't tell her what happened on the island for the time being, her busy with her studies before the start of summer. So, instead of calling her and keeping her up, you let her tend to her own watching as she grumbled over all-nighters and classwork that wasn't ending. Despite her running around for her break, she wasn't gonna be able to run from her finals.
"Can you lobby so my professors get fired and I have no exam?"
"Tough luck, baby." You laugh. "I'm not in that line of business."
"I am, though." Leon hums. "Who do you need gone?"
"Leon." You warn. "No."
"His name's—"
You sigh as the two of them get into hypotheticals about taking out her professor with a sniper rifle, and you wonder where Leona had learned all of that. Though, from the stuff you had seen on the shared desktop before she got her own laptop, you think you know. It's whatever... it was probably from Twitter or one of her fanfictions. You wonder if the unrestricted internet access as a teenager was worth it — well, not your problem. She's gotten off boyfriend-free and kid-free so it's fine. There are worse things that could happen.
You wonder how much more help Leon could have been when she was going through that fic writing phase of her in middle school. You're sure all that knowledge of weapons could have helped her a lot. Well, not that you mind it anymore. It's nice to see the two of them get along. She is her father's daughter, after all. It makes you wonder if this could have happened under different circumstances. Well, what point is there in moping over a universe that isn't yours?
"What's for dinner?"
"I made a reservation for a place." Leon hums. "It's pretty basic so you wouldn't need to dress up."
"Well, if anything, you'd be the one who needs to dress up." You raise a brow at Leon as he glances at the two of you, nodding slowly.
"It's just a family restaurant that gets busy around this time." He stares at his t-shirt and jeans.
"You know, Leon." Leona raises a brow. "I'm sure you don't just wear this while on duty. What do you wear normally?"
"It depends on the occasion. Most of the time it's a suit."
"Government agents in suits is crazy." You mumble. "And when you're out on a mission?"
"It's typically some sort of body armor and a compression shirt with cargo pants and combat boots."
"What brand does the government use?"
"There's a variety of suppliers, but the material stays the same. We aren't just sponsored by one."
"Democracy, or something." You hum. "What time is dinner?"
You wonder if Leona has ever entertained the idea of having a dad in her life. She had been adamant about letting you know as a teenager that she didn't care if she had no dad as long as you wouldn't disappear or just die, but you had a feeling that she had just lied at the time to make you feel better. Well, she had grown up without a dad, so it wasn't super surprising that she had ever wondered what it would feel like to have one. You wonder if you should have just dated, but there was no way you'd be able to with such a young child. Maybe you shouldn't have—
"Whatcha thinkin' bout?"
You space back in, striking the hammer one last time as the tent is set up properly. The insulation is set up thanks to Leona, and you start the grill outside in the camping zone. The stars are starting to show, and the moon sits high in the sky as you grill the meat. Leona refreshes for her grades, chewing on her bottom lip as you serve her dinner. She only lets out a sigh in relief when her grades all come back as normal.
"You alright?"
"My GPA will live." She huffs. "Thanks for dinner."
"Of course."
"It's been a while since we've done this." Leona stares up at the stars in the forest as you crack open a can of beer for the two of you. "Is this about Leon?"
"You don't need to call him that." You hum. "I thought I'd get your opinion. I'm your mom just as much as I am my own person."
"I'm fine with it." Leona hums. "You've... I don't know. You've grown softer since he's joined us. Ugh, I'm not good at this like you are."
You laugh, adjusting the blanket on her as you turn to face her.
"You won't be mad?"
"No. It'd be... nice to experience having a dad. officially. I can't lie and say I've never once wondered what it's like to have a dad." Leona huffs. "Though, please let me punch him at least once when he officially asks you out."
"In the face?"
"I might break my fist, but hey, at least I broke his nose."
You wonder what universe you saved in a past life to deserve a daughter like this. Though, not that you complain of it. Leona lets out a sigh in relief when her grades come out unscathed, and you press the can to your lips as she catches you up on what was going on. Sorority drama sounds like a lot to you, but Leona handles it all just fine. She likes it there, and while the people around her have their flaws, you're glad she can see past most of them. At least she knows how to stay sane.
You can tell Leon's trying. He spends less time on his laptop at night, typing less and less details on your day-to-day life before it completely is voided, and when you try and ask, he tells you the mission is over. You wonder if that means he'll go back to his work clothes. Yet, for some reason he stays in the apartment next door, taking you to work each morning as he insists it's "on the way" (it's not). He always takes you back with flowers, your coworkers getting unbearable to a certain degree as they pry into your day-to-day life. You tell them that he's just trying to court you.
"Water," Leon hands Leona her bottle as she waves goodbye, handing you your bag as you follow after her while doing your hair. You stare at the mirror by the door, smoothing it out as you blink at Leon's crooked tie.
"Tie." You don't think, fingers sliding under Leon's tie as you unravel it, tying it properly as he holds his breath, daring not to move as your fingers smooth over the clothes, patting his chest as you turn back around you make sure your hair is fine. Leon tries to calm his racing heart as the two of you step into his car, his heart beating so hard he's sure he could throw up on command. Intimate. Too intimate. You can feel it too. The last time you had done that was when the two of you were young. Much younger. The racing heart makes Leon think that the two of you really haven't changed all that much.
"Have fun at work."
"Thank you." You step out of the car, waving as Leon watches you enter the building before driving off.
You calm your racing heart, ears ringing all the way to your floor as you exhale. Habit. You hadn't done it for Leon in such a long time, but the familiarity of reaching for his crooked tie and fixing it was like second nature to you. Maybe you haven't changed. Maybe neither of you changed, and at the rate that things were going, you think it's fine that neither of you has outpaced the other. The two of you are parallel lines, holding hands all the way as the two of you move through life. It's fine. You're fine. You'll be fine.
Leon picks you up after work like he always does. You stare out the window the whole time, silence pooling in the car as you think. You think too much while you think less and less these days. What are you doing here? Why are you here? Is the only thing stopping you from dating him your own flaws? Why are you letting them get in the way when you could be peeling back your skin and laying bare to him? He won't hurt you, you know that much.
You know what comes next. You have the feeling, you always do. You know that at one point Leon's going to try and confess to you, and you wonder if he could possibly outdo himself from last time. You wonder if he'll show up with flowers and a teddy bear to your apartment like he did the first time. You wonder if you could skip the formality and just confess to him first. It would be funny and catch him off guard, you think. When you spot your favorite for dinner, you think you will.
"Leona's gonna have dinner with friends." You sit down, thanking him as he hands you a plate.
"I know. She texted."
"Mhm." You wait for him to sit down before eating, lips curled upwards as you grin. "Leon, will you go out with me again?"
He's caught off guard, fumbling with his fork as he blinks at you. "Pardon?"
"Will you go out with me again? I have a lot of flaws, but—"
"Yes! Yes. Oh, my god. Yes." Leon blurts. "I was supposed to confess first, my god. I feel like this is our first date all over again— I'm still in love with you despite everything, and I'm begging you for the chance to date you again on a clean slate. This time, we both make our own decisions without regrets, and we talk it out when we have disputes. This time, I won't leave no matter what, and if I need to leave, I bring you with me. Please go out with me— I will kneel and beg."
"There has got to be a better way to say that." You laugh, watching as Leon slides out of his seat to grab something behind the counter for you. "And if I say no?"
"I imitate the meme that Ashley's been sending me with the text messages and fall on my knees and beg."
"Sounds really tempting..." You tap your chin. Leon grabs your hands, frowning at you gently as you reach up instinctually to smooth out the crease between his brows. "I was kidding. Please treat me well."
"I'll make sure you never need to think again." He mumbles, pressing your fingers to his lips as you hum. "Please accept the flowers."
"Will you get me flowers once a week?"
"I'll make sure you never have to lift a finger to do housework. I'll retire for you."
"Are you really sure you'll be allowed to do that?"
"As long as the president orders it." He mumbles. "I'll just say I can't work anymore and fake a doctor's order."
You laugh, raising a brow. "You'll do that for me?"
"And much more." He mumbles, lowering his head into your lap. "As long as you give me the chance."
"Then be sure to hold on."
"Forever and ever, always."
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The door to the apartment clicks open, and Leona stares at the second bouquet on the living room table.
"Ma?"
You nod.
"Leon, how sturdy are you?" Leona raises a brow, tossing her backpack to the side and ditching her jacket.
"I'm mostly muscle. Why?"
"Leona's gonna swing at you, give her a second." You take a step back with the flowers, Leona winding up her arm as Leon blinks. "No, you're not allowed to dodge. Think of it as playful fighting. It's to welcome you into the family."
"Please be gentle. I've seen your arm muscles, and there's a high chance it'll bruise or kill me." Leon clenches his jaw, wincing as Leona lands a hit on his cheek, sound making the two of you blink. Leon rubs his jaw, laughing as he winces.
"Sorry, dad. Had to do it." She grins, shaking her hand as the words punch Leon a second time.
"Say that again."
"Hm? Sorry?"
"No, you called me dad."
You hide behind the flowers as you laugh, watching as Leon grabs Leona by the shoulders and beams.
"Say it again."
"Alright, old man. You're pushing your luck now." She rolls her eyes, kicking her shoes off and falling back onto the couch to escape his grasp. "We've got plenty of time. Also, you're paying for my tuition now."
"Oh my god, I'm a dad."
You squat to the ground as you laugh, back shaking as Leon stands there, dazed.
Leona takes the chance to slip away, and as the living room fills with your laughter, you think it'll be fine.
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canadianno · 4 months ago
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TCOLC AU Bishop refs!
They're done holy FUCK. The art here is kind of old, so some of the proportions are a little wrong, but I don't really mind all that much. 15 hours and 89 layers later, all 5 bishops are done. On one canvas because... I didn't wanna make new ones I'm ngl.
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Each bishop has an everyday outfit and a crusade outfit! If you're drawing them at any point (now or in the future) and you have questions about the designs, don't be scared to send an ask my way, I'm always happy to clarify stuff.
(Note: I would greatly appreciate it if people didn't make suggestive jokes surrounding any of the designs, I'm not comfortable with them! Love yall <3)
Ramblings below! Edited note: tumblr likes to completely break my posts when I add a cut sometimes, which happened here, so I'm not gonna put one in hopes that it doesn't kill my formatting again. Hopefully it automatically "read more"s this post. If it doesn't I'm very sorry 🙏
🌿 Leshy: It's to be noted that my Leshy is transmasc, literally just because I think he deserves it, it's cool as fuck. I really wanted to give him the classic top-surgery scars because, I'll be honest, they're fun to draw, but I had to find a reasonable explanation for it because he's not a mammal. Anyway that's how I ended up with an entire evolutionary explanation for why he would have those. I will never be given the chance to explain it in the fic ever, so it shall just be random information I have forever. I love him he's silly.
🍄 Heket: While I am a big supporter of tomboy Heket, I also think she deserves to be cool and wear pretty frills whenever the fuck she wants. She's awesome and her shirt is supposed to look like a mushroom. It's also worth noting that the crosses on the bishops heads are specific, with Heket having two crosses with double prongs. She has them like this in-game and there's probably a cooler explanation for it but. I have my own silly headcanons bc I do what I want! Also, since I can't decide for the fucking life of me if she's a toad or a frog, I've decided she's just. Both. Both of them. Her mom was a frog her dad was a toad. Is this possible irl? No but COTL is a fantasy world I do whatever the fuck I want.
🌑 Narinder: Main thing I note for Narinder is that he has distinct facial markings, you just have to look closely. Another note is that his clothes have a repeating cloud motif because of the fog in the gateway- which, trust, it was his own idea. Lamb doesn't know why he chose it but they're not gonna argue. Narinders' main robes are made of wool, but his crusade outfit is made of cotton so it's easier to repair if damaged. His crusade outfit has the Big Pants because he's mostly gotta fight with his feet now, since most of the time his hands don't function reliably enough to hold a weapon.
🪸 Kallamar: Kallamar is funny to me because he's the only one here who's plantigrade, meaning he's got human-esque legs. Another notable design aspect is that he has a tail, when squids do Not Normally Have Those. That's because my Kallamar isn't fully a squid, and you can kinda sorta blame my mutual for that. Not really it's me who gave him the tail. Anyway, no matter how you draw him or what outfit he's in those 3 dark red jewels on the golden chain thing gotta be on him somewhere- they're sentimental to him. He usually wears them as a crown, but in the crusade outfit they're around his neck to be safer. Also, on the crusade outfit, he has stolen a set of Shamuras gloves. Brat little brother <3
🔮 Shamura: Their main outfit really closely resembles their bishop robes and that is intentional! They made the robes themselves, and it would've been close to an exact match had the Lamb banned them from using golden colored cloth. This is only partially because Lamb doesn't like them, but also because they don't want the bishops trying to start a mutiny, and walking around in bishop robes is a pretty easy way to collect weaker followers like flies. Shamuras' crusade outfit is also pretty unique compared to the others, and one of two reasons is that it's meant to resemble their old crusade outfits when they were younger. The second reason is that they look really cool. The outfit is designed for mobility, mostly, and before you say anything, the hip windows are because Shamura usually holds close range weaponry in the second set of arms and hates the way they snag on fabric when its there.
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barrenclan · 5 months ago
Note
you dont have to publish this ask if you don't want to. but i just wanted to say that im not sure how i really feel about ranger becoming disabled and how it could kinda be read as for audience catharsis. youre a good writer and i dont want to interpret your writing in bad faith, and obviously i dont know your full intent behind the choice to blind ranger. but a lot of the audience reaction in the replies and such made me a bit uncomfortable as a visually impaired disabled person myself. disability as a punishment for evil is a pretty common (and ableist) trope. i dont think you really did it to the extent its done in other media (especially with a character like daffodilpaw as a good guy. like death, disability affects everyone, good and bad) but yeah the audience reaction made me a little uncomfortable that they were viewing it as deserved or cathartic or punishing. it especially didnt sit very well with me when paired up with hacksaw, his partner and another very evil character having lost a chunk of her wing just before. like i said at the start you dont have to publish this ask if you dont want to. i dont know how the story is going to go, and pinepaws injury could very well impact him in the future for example. but i figured i should voice my current in-the-moment discomfort, especially if it helps you in your future writing endeavors. otherwise, i really liked the new issue!
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Since this was asked about twice I will go ahead and publish it; and say that firstly, I really appreciate you both bringing up your concerns and going about it in a very polite way. I don't want anyone to feel afraid to bring things up about the story or put me on a pedestal, I'm not a perfect person just because you like my stories.
And in terms of your asks themselves - I honestly do apologize that it came off that way, I didn't intend at all to play into the trope of disability as a karmic punishment for evil. I'm not disabled myself, or at least not in the visual or mobile way, so it is likely just an actual blindspot for me in terms of my writing. Disability is absolutely not a punishment for anything, and if you're blind or missing a limb there is nothing wrong with you at all.
If knowing my thought process helps at all, here's how I came to that story decision:
I want Ranger and Hacksaw to try to attack Pinepaw but both have their arrogance that's been building for the whole story checked. Also, it needs to be in some way that actually hinders them so they don't just keep attacking. -> Well, I don't want them to die, because I have things I want to do with their characters after the event ends. So, what would be an interesting and symbolic injury that takes them off the table? -> Hacksaw's main source of attacking other people is by divebombing them, so losing a wing would really impact her sense of strength. And, Ranger relies on outward control so much that losing his sight would damage a lot of his ego as well. There are some things about the characters I can't talk about just yet which, depending on your opinions, might change how you feel, but those were my general ideas.
I completely didn't realize how easy it to fall into that trope and I'm very sorry that it made you uncomfortable, that was very much not my intention. Like you said it's so normalized in media that most people don't even think about it - and certainly something I'll be more aware of next time I write anything like this.
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alonetimelover · 1 year ago
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pairing: Harry Styles x book writer!reader
fc: Saoirse Ronan
summary: YN just released her debut book, and it became the hot topic online. It might have something to do with certain someone being spotted buying it.
a/n: comments to all those posts are long, because i wanted to somehow incorporate the plot of the book that book writer!reader wrote!
masterlist taglist
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yourinstagram
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liked by fallinloveinbooks, user49 and 89 202 others
yourinstagram Those are the notebooks in which I wrote my little baby. I can't believe I am typing this, but 'Silver Lining' is out !!! You can buy it at all independent London bookstores. I can't wait for your reviews. I'll read them all.
view all 8 201 comments
yourbestfriend MY BEST FRIEND IS AN AUTHOR !!! JANE AUSTEN WHO ???
⤷ yourinstagram do not disrespect the legend here
fallinloveinbooks OMG i've been following you since that one post about understanding fantasy world and being allowed to incorporate real world in it! i can't wait to read it, im going to the store right now!
⤷ yourinstagram YOU. ARE. THE. SWEETEST. and i remember you from that post and all that came after. I LOVE YOU and will wait for your words!
user92 what is the genre of the book?
⤷ yourinstagram it's fantasy! but there are a few subgenres. i'd say romance and mystery play a huge role in this book, too!
user109 will it be available online? im from us and would love to read your book!
⤷ yourinstagram unfortunately, not in a foreseeable future
⤷ user109 oh no, why??
⤷ yourinstagram being completely transparent, i released this book using my own money- no publishing house involved - because no one was really interested in it. what is in the stores is the printing i was able to afford. hopefully, they will sell and i'll be able to print more editions.
⤷ user102 im crossing my fingers for you
hArrysbtch i was looking for some new fantasy books, you are sent from heaven
⤷ yourinstagram hope you like it, angel
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, yourbestfriend and 80 393 others
harryupdates HARRY outside of the independent bookstore in London today! EDIT: because all of you are asking, he apparently bought 'Silver Lining' by YN YSN !
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hArrysbtch I've just finished that book and OMG OMG OMG, i don't know what to tell you, but he's getting into something so beautiful so structured so sad, i can't say enough.
⤷ harrysmoustache so it's worth it?
⤷ hArrysbtch YES. YES. YES. absolutely. from the first page to the last, it just consumes you. yn did such a good job, and it's her first book ever!
⤷ harrysmoustache oh, i can't find it online
⤷ hArrysbtch it's only at independent bookstores in London. no publishing house was involved, she printed all the copies available with her own money. i can buy it for you and send it?
⤷ harrysmoustache i DMed you!
stylesbabie harry in his book girl era
harrysmylife he is back and he is reading, he's just like me
user102 there's no way he has that book and i don't
fallinloveinbooks I've read it, and I loved it. I hated it because of how much it made me cry. Harry, you're in for a ride a wild one with all the *wink*wink* scenes and the most heartbreaking chapters of literature I've ever come upon
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yourinstagram
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liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 173 302 others
yourinstagram I cannot express how thankful I am for you and your love for my book. Unfortunately, for now, there are no copies available. But im trying to make it work. But maybe it wasn't meant to be...
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yourbestfriend that's a bestseller book if you ask me
⤷ yourinstagram you are the love of my life
hArrysbtch not you using the last line of the book, like it didn't tear my heart open
hArrysbtch thank god it's already on my bookshelf, happy that it broke my heart and made me horny
⤷ yourinstagram Those were the emotions I wanted people to feel!
harrysmoustache my copy is flying to me, and I can't wait to read it
⤷ yourinstagram ill be waiting for your review!
user102 read, loved, cried and read again
⤷ yourinstagram two times??? i could smother you in kisses
⤷ user102 i wouldn’t mind that
user292 can't explain how unique and original it is
⤷ yourinstagram ❤️
user939 not harry lurking in the likes
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 128 402 others
harryupdates HARRY and writer YN YSN out and about in London today!
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hArrysbtch Alexa play that should be me by Justin Bieber
hArrysbtch she's mine harry, fuck off
hArrysbtch what is it that whenever I find someone to obsess over they become somehow connected to harry
hArrysbtch but, i smell couple material !!!
harrysmoustache he's gonna be the inspiration spark
⤷ hArrysbtch don't even start! i read silver lining with Harry in mind as one of the main characters
⤷ harrysmoustache as Emrys, right?
⤷ hArrysbtch yes! my protective and sexy bookboyfriend
⤷ user102 I see, we support complicated men here, i love it
stylesbabie they look so good together
⤷ user02 their backs are towards the camera...
⤷ stylesbabie shhh
harrysmylife I love her style !!!!
user402 she's getting so much attention from it. how did she manage this pr?
⤷ hArrysbtch pr???
⤷ user402 don't tell me it doesn't look like one?
⤷ hArrysbtch yeah, I forgot. every woman harry is seen with is just pr or the one to hate. of course. tpwk does not include woman harry is involved with?
⤷ harrysmoustache burnt!!!
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bloomsbury
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liked by yourinstagram, yourbestfriend, harrystyles and 40 492 others
bloomsbury Our newest pea in the Bloomsbury pod is the sweetest, London based, young author who has just published her debut novel. We are here to help and tell you that 'Silver Lining' is coming to all bookstores in the world and to online shopping as well on the 15th of November. To feel whole again.
view all 2 202 comments
yourinstagram I LOVE MY NEW POD
yourbestfriend DONT FORGET ABOUT ME WHEN YOU BECOME FAMOUS
⤷ yourinstagram NEVER
harrystyles Congratulations, YN ❤️
⤷ yourinstagram well, thank you, harry
hArrysbtch my favourite author is getting famous!!!
fallinloveinbooks I CANT BELIEVE IT !!! congrats, yn!!
⤷ yourinstagram thank you, sweets!
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fallinloveinbooks
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liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 6 492 others
fallinloveinbooks I'm attending YN's 'meet the writer' thingy in London and I cannot express how much appreciation I have for her. She thought every little detail in 'Silver Lining' through to make the book perfect. An icon!
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hArrysbtch I am here too! And I love her so much!
harrysmoustache you need to either film some moments or just post-stream it for us!
stylesbabie she looks so beautiful
user102 I am here as well! we need to meet up!
⤷ hArrysbtch im in the second row!
⤷ user102 are you the one with a pixie cut?
⤷ hArrysbtch Yes, that's me!
⤷ fallinloveinbooks I think im sitting next to you, hArrysbtch
user42 come on guys, let us now what are the questions and answers!
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dailymail
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liked by hArrysbtch, user102 and 103 393 others
dailymail NEW COUPLE ALERT? Harry Styles and newly established writer YN YSN were seen leaving the same restaurant (Styles a few moments after YSN). YN independently published her debut novel just two months ago and then signed a contract with Bloomsbury publishing house after Harry had been seen buying her book. For more photos and information, visit the link in our bio!
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user102 not you making harry the only reason she got the contract
hArrysbtch she got a contract because of the interest her book sparked online, not harry
harrysmoustache i'll just leave it here but literally Neil Gaiman praised this book online
user402 oh yes, when the privilege is striking
user99 you just cannot stop taking photos of people in their free time, invading their privacy, can you?
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yourinstagram
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liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 201 392 others
yourinstagram Somethin' is cookin'. And that's the audiobook of "Silver Lining" voiced by me! It will be available on 23rd of December as podcast episodes on Spotify for more of you to enjoy! Merry early Christmas!
PS: there may or may not be someone else to accord their voice to Emrys
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yourbestfriend i could be Rhiannon
⤷ yourinstagram you were laughing your ass off after two lines
⤷ yourbestfriend not my fault that Rhiannon is the comedy queen
harrystyles 📖🎤
hArrysbtch NO WAY! i adore your voice and now i'm gonna picture you as Rhiannon - this book just became even better (it already was perfect, i don't how you're doing it"
⤷ yourinstagram hopefully, i won't end up as her
fallinloveinbooks my dream came true. i usually have such a hard time reading that audiobooks are the only option. now i'm going to listen to my favourite chapter over and over again
⤷ yourinstagram which ones are your favourite?
⤷ fallinloveinbooks definitely 6, 15, 24, 33 and 42
⤷ hArrysbtch all the chapters that depicts love - i see you
⤷ fallinloveinbooks yes! the thing is that number 6 refers to love and all those chapter number's are either 6 or add up to 6
hArrysbtch wait wait wait, i've just realised. what if harry is voicing Emrys????
⤷ harrysmoustache don't give me hope
⤷ fallinloveinbooks that would be perfect
⤷ user102 i'm not ready to listen to chapter 24 and 33 with him voicing it
⤷ hArrysbtch i will die, literally. those scenes are intense!
user102 she just wants people to be able to read the book and not care about paying bundle and having shitty quality. i love her.
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harrysupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, fallinloveinbooks and 109 393 others
harryupdates HARRY and YN at the market in Clonakilty, Ireland!
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hArrysbtch someone tell me is that her home town?
⤷ fallinloveinbooks yes, it is! her parents still live there!
⤷ hArrysbtch meeting parents? oh god, they are serious serious
fallinloveinbooks they live that small town romance book lives
⤷ user102 so true! i need her to write something like this!
⤷ hArrysbtch i would eat it up
stylesbabie Niall is proud right now
harrysmylife i can't express how much i love domestic harry
user20 she started the thunder online after *possibly* announcing that harry will voice Emrys and decided to step away from socials. i love her. i love her. i love her.
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irishharry
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liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 23 403 others
irishharry How thin are the chances to meet Harry in a small Irish town? Very thin. But not thin enough to be impossible. I MET HARRY FREAKING STYLES AND THE LEGEND HERSELF YN YSN !!!
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hArrysbtch they look so cosy... i want what they have
⤷ fallinloveinbooks a man?
⤷ hArrrysbtch yuck, i only like fictional men + harry
harrysmoustache this ken's job is walk
harryupdates this is very aestheticly pleasing photo
stylesbabie small town!harry is my favourite
user102 hopefully the inspiration is overflowing because i'm reading silver lining for the third time
⤷ hArrysbtch are you okay???
⤷ user102 nope. i just love torturing myself
fallinloveinbooks the matching coats...
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yourinstagram
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liked by harrystyles, yourbestfriend and 401 100 others
yourinstagram my love in your heart...
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yourbestfriend answer my calls, yn !!!
⤷ yourinstagram i won't tell you
harrystyles ...my heart in your palm
hArrysbtch I LOVE THE SOFT LAUNCH
hArrysbtch PARENTS
harrysmoustache i love how we all know that this is harry but at the same time it doesn't have to be
⤷ hArrysbtch it better be! this post just cured all my mental problems
fallinloveinbooks the caption... is it the title?
⤷ user102 look at harry's comment, it might be a main thing in her next novel/short story collection
⤷ hArrysbtch the inspiration sparked and inspiration was harry. that's it. when it's published i can die happily
⤷ user102 decide, that or harry voicing Emrys
⤷ hArrybtch im chronically online, don't require any consistency from me
harryupdates vacation in a small irish town birthed some masterpiece, i just know it
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a/n: i have part 2 made in my mind already. do we want more of them?
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delta-chan · 6 months ago
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Thoughts about Dawntrail map six
Needless to say, very heavy spoilers beneath the read more!
I was initially a bit wary of Living Memory's telegraphed "reverse Ultima Thule" structure until I got the prompt that the scenery would be irreversibly altered at the first terminal. I panicked because like a lot of people I thought "oh nice, I'll come back here later for some nice gpose shots". That this beautiful place would have to be taken away for you to progress was almost incomprehensible to me and in that moment the genius of it clicked. It wasn't just a reverse spin on Ultima Thule's structure--it was a reverse spin that was going to back it up to an extreme.
The ephemerality of life is something FFXIV has touched on many times before, including as one of the chief themes of Endwalker. But while in Endwalker this was on a grand scale as a part of radical acceptance as a whole, Dawntrail's second half explores this idea in a more focused, intimate fashion. While the WoL has no one they are close to that they can engage with in an experience with like Erenville, Krile, and Wuk Lamat--they have the environment. And being that you're the person behind the WoL with an investment in that environment on some level the finality of moving forward hits you like a sack of bricks.
I spent a lot of time being kind of awed by this--it's a very, very solid gimmick. I sort of paused at the first prompt going "haha there's no way, right…?" before going "wait" and immediately setting out to take a bunch of quick shots. That place wasn't going to exist anymore, and I wanted a memory of it. That beautiful place--a painstakingly detailed and gorgeous bit of gpose bait if I've ever seen it--wasn't going to exist if I wanted to move on. It was… weird. I took so many nearly identical shots trying to get perfect ones because there was only ever going to be that moment. In the future there'll be new game plus. You might have alts. But in that moment, experiencing it for the first time... it's… really effective. Startlingly effective.
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The fact that when I was watching the map introduction and thought about how Living Memory was an almost tailor-made gposing space (and let's face it probably is for exactly this reason) that I would have a lot of fun taking screenshots at later made me think about how many other people thought, are thinking, and will think the same thing not knowing that they're taking it for granted. Who would...? It's absurd. Why would the map be altered to such a degree that it'd be rendered gone all but in name...? It hasn't happened before. So why would it happen now? Why would it even come to mind?
And the thing is--even if someone warns you, even if you're spoiled, even if you have someone fly you from place to place--the terminals are still going to have to be shut down eventually if you want to move forward. You cannot keep it. Living memory is made to be seen once then destroyed by your own hand.
I mean--at the end of the MSQ I thought, perhaps naively, that Living Memory was going to be restored because the threat was resolved. I mean--everyone's gone. There's no need for the environment to stay gone as well, right...? I mean, they put so much loving detail into it!
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Wrong.
In the immediacy of when I first finished Endwalker during its early access I wrote that I never wanted to return to Ultima Thule because it creeped me out. The map was emotionally fraught, and my first experience with it was being released into an incredibly dark map with a discordant soundtrack, jumping out of my seat at another player passing by. But returning to it for hunts and the Omicron quests I saw it for the vibrant, beautiful place that it was. It changed for the better and stayed that way.
In spite of how much I've talked up Living Memory's beauty and how much it inspires the drive to capture the moment before it leaves you, it's also far more disconcerting than Ultima Thule from the very beginning in an altogether different manner. Living Memory is something that you want to be that shouldn't be. Both in the context of the MSQ and as a map in general--you want to take screenshots, you want to linger, but the unchanging weather effect and languidly pleasant music begin to push against you if you stay too long.
When everything's said and done Living Memory becomes a featureless husk that now has natural changing weather. At night there are motes of light, golden remains of the once oppressive reminiscence. And in the background as if being piped from distant speakers, the languidly pleasant and slightly warped BGM echoing through the nothingness like an amusement park's PA system playing music for no one after closing for the last time.
It's something you didn't want that needs to be.
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jesncin · 7 months ago
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Okay, I'll bite, what are your feelings on the trans conner pitch?
Oh boy! Thank you for tossing me this bone because I have a lot of mixed feelings!
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I notice that people online are very hot and cold about the Trans Superboy Pitch, they either love it or hate it and that doesn't leave a lot of room for nuance + discussion. So to be respectful to a fellow trans peer in the industry, I want to do a fair review/analysis of Skyrocket: the trans Conner Kent pitch by Magdalene Visaggio.
My general takeaway from the pitch is that I like the premise, but the details fumble the execution for me. I can really feel from reading the pitch that Visaggio cares about Superboy. She understands that he's a very weird legacy character who has struggled to find proper footing in the DC Universe after all these years. An effective legacy character is one who is able to spin off and expand upon the themes of the character whose mantle they carry. But the cheesy whatever-goes 90's-ness of Superboy's original run didn't give future writers a lot to work with in terms of a Superman Legacy Character.
It's why I genuinely believe the later retcon reveal that -part of Conner's DNA is from Lex Luthor- is a fantastic addition to his character. It takes a character who was just kind of screwing off to gentrify Hawaii back into the center of Superman's good vs evil conflict. But now Conner's problem is that his story is too tied to his origin and Superman's shadow. Placing Conner with the Kents in Smallville afterwards made him narratively redundant. What's next for him?
So let's dig into the pitch!
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I like what's at the heart of this pitch. It's a very season-3-ATLA-Zuko "honor wasn't all it's cracked up to be" arc and I think that suits Conner's character really well! It's the details I have gripes with:
"Conner has been largely relegated to the Jason Todd of the Superfamily" oof, haha that's not a particularly fair characterization.
The constant comparing of Superman to Christian imagery. He's described as basically "Jesus goddamn Christ" in the pitch. The Tyrannical Kryptonians are named Saint, Shepherd and Savior. No surprise I don't like seeing a character who allegorically represented Jewish immigrants to be constantly compared to Christian imagery and deified.
It's inevitable with pitching to the company, but the pitch is bogged down by a lot of convoluted plot points. I get that it's necessary to pitch event tie-ins and universe hopping shenanigans, but it's a lot.
Leland feels like a plot device in this. I'm sure there were plans to flesh out the brotherly clone relationship between him and Conner so that he can feel like his own character, but from the summary he just kind of revolves around Conner the way the pitch describes Conner revolving around Superman. Oops!
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Conner's relation to Luthor and Superman works as a story about legacy, bloodlines and the things parents pass down to their kids. It's best when handled thematically and not literally because it's easy to get into essentialist "good genes" vs "evil genes" near-eugenics talking points. Unfortunately this pitch has a lot of that vibe. Leland has more Lex genes so he's super smart. Conner and Leland are able to start a schism in the Future Tyrannical Kryptonian House by "proving their truer genetic link to the original Superman, unsullied by thousands of years of tinkering" thereby gaining allies. Not great!
The part where Conner wants to find "his own Metropolis" by moving to Dripping Springs, Texas. That's Jinny Hex's field of operations, so is it really his own space? I would've just given Conner a new town so he can better stand on his own and build out a unique cast system.
Okay let's talk about the trans stuff!
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I get that it makes for an Iconic Visual Superhero Moment, but I really don't like the part where Conner steps through a magical crystal and pops out the other side as a trans woman. It robs her of having that discovery on her own. The pitch says "I believe that this is as natural a move as Iceman's coming out". And just?? Man, remember when Jean Grey read Iceman Bobby Drake's mind and robbed him of his agency by outing him through that invasion of privacy? For a pitch all about Conner's journey of defining herself, it weirdly robbed her of that moment.
The pitch does such a good job talking about how Conner feels like her whole life revolves around Superman and how pointless wanting to be Superman feels now that Jon Kent has taken the mantle. She has Clark's genes, goes to Clark's hometown school, is raised by Clark's parents and all that. So then why is she eventually named after the women in Clark's life? Constance "Connie" Lara Kent. Clark's Kryptonian mom and human grandma? Was the world so small that she could not name herself after anyone else or come up with a new name? Connie doesn't even get to name herself, her new name is one Martha Kent bestows her with. It's hypocritical, and doesn't have the same impact that Superman giving Superboy a Kryptonian name does.
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Speaking of which, this right here is my biggest gripe. It's not in the pitch itself but?? Wait- why go on about how Conner deserves a name that's not given to her and then turn around and make Martha name her? Sure, Connie comes up with the superhero name "Skyrocket" herself but surely she also deserves to name herself considering the thesis the pitch built up about self discovery and agency right?
Also with all due respect, this is the whitest queer take on Conner's identity. I wish white trans people could understand that you can have multiple true names that reflect different parts of you.
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When Clark gives Superboy the name "Kon-El" it matters that it's given. It ties so well to the idea of familial acceptance into a nearly-extinct culture. You wouldn't know how to reclaim that part of your identity when that culture's been wiped out, so of course it's an honor to be trusted with a name that preserves Krypton's culture. This is a common practice with diaspora reclaiming cultural names from closed cultures, they are gifted their names by someone more culturally connected. I think the pitch having Martha name Connie is trying to echo this, but it doesn't hit the same without that cultural context. It also undercuts the genuine joy Conner felt from finally having a name he truly identifies with. Conner was only ever referred to as Superboy before then. When Clark gives him the name Kon El, Conner cries out that Kon El is his "real name". It's one of his defining moments, and to have that be diminished by saying "It's still a name someone else gave him" is so disappointing.
Then there's the design.
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This is gonna lean more into preference, but I'm not the biggest fan of this design! I get what it's going for but it has too much going on everywhere. It also doesn't have that proto-punk look original Conner had, so it ends up not feeling like him. It's too superhero, and not enough casual-wear-on-a-supersuit that Conner sports really well. I see how it fits in with the everyone-in-Superfam-is-wearing-jackets-era, but I also think those new designs don't look good either. Especially Supergirl's. I feel like Conner should be more punk post transition. No respectability beam for her!
Also the name Skyrocket? It's giving knock off-brand toy vibes to me I'm sorry D: People on twidder suggested Supernova and that sounds way better! Even Visaggio stated she prefers that name so you can't be mad at me for this.
Overall big conclusion feelings!
I've been following Visaggio's work for a while because it's awesome seeing trans people getting picked up in comics. While there are some things about her writing I like, for the most part I've felt like her work isn't my cup of tea. I tried reading up a bunch of interviews she's in to try to understand why her writing wasn't clicking with me, and what I discovered is that we have fundamentally different approaches to queer storytelling.
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From Paste Magazine. I get where she's coming from, trans characters deserve to have multi-faceted narratives that don't overly center how they're othered at the expense of further characterization. But also? I just actually find the interior lives of queer people and identity interesting. I like writing the kind of escapism and joy that's informed by surviving and inheriting hardships rather than erasing those things or skipping past it. I think this is why Connie is robbed of her trans discovery in the pitch. Why we don't get to watch her grapple with gender identity in a political way. Queer stories about queer struggles are considered archaic and unnecessary nowadays. It's part of the escapism Visaggio values in her work; to give a place of respite for trans readers from the cruelty they experience in reality, but I don't connect to stories like that personally. Whenever I try to share queer Indonesian art and writing with my peers, I'm often told it's too painful to look at. That our pain doesn't fit the modern expectation for happy, empowering queer stories. "trans people get enough hardships in real life, they don't need that in their fiction" Visaggio still talks about her newest projects like this btw.
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I'd love to see a take on Conner that more holistically continues the political immigrant themes of Superman. The white parts of fandom love interpreting Conner's identity crisis as primarily a queer struggle, but it's also one of a person grappling with his mixed heritage. He's a diaspora kid separated by a generation away from Krypton. He has yet to make peace with the Luthor side of his identity, one borne of generational trauma and resentment for one's roots. Instead of a take where his queerness separates him from the pressures of legacy, I want to see a Conner take that has themes that are intersectional about his mixed diaspora and queer identity. I want his superficial punk aesthetic to graduate into actual punk ideals. The anti-establishment and radical love philosophies of punk culture would make such a cool extension of Superman themes and it would make so much sense that someone facing so many intersections of marginalization would be radicalized from their experience. I want a queer Conner who isn't just empowering and idealistic, I want one that also gives space for queer readers to feel like their pain is seen too. Conner isn't "Truth, Justice and the American Way" he's famously "Truth, Justice, My Way".
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There's a tendency in media criticism to treat marginalized talent as infallible, and I don't think that fair to creatives like Visaggio. Being able to look at their ideas with nuance instead of essentializing it as being Good or Trash is the best way to respect diverse creativity. And my nuanced feelings are that a white queer person who looks at Conner's story and just sees the queer part and dismisses the diaspora mixed heritage side of him,,, is not going to give me the Conner story I want to see.
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thetxtdevil · 4 months ago
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tbh i have a really recurring fake scenario of rich gf mc , like imagine her going to korea to see kai whenever she wants (or HE wants, sometimes letting his horny and dom self take over him lol).
So i have a request with that idea but i cant decide between it being abt Kai being all gloomy bc he saw a little too much of ppl commenting abt him in social media and the boys talk to mc to quickly come and her comforting kai (i think this is more a sub!kai idea lmao) oooor Kai being so horny that he asks her to come and she pops up to her private jet almost immediately
Any of both scenarios is fine or even if ur beautiful mind comes up w something else is fine i just want to read your writing with that idea lol
Please and thank you xoxo
Went with the gloomy subby/switch kai and reader "comforting" him maybe in the future I'll fulfill your second part 😏
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content: smut, restraint, a bit of spit, edging, mirror, switching roles, and no one care about protection...
word count: 1.2k
--nsfw--
Kai's rich girlfriend is Kai's sugar mommy, she's Kai's female version of Christian Grey. You absolutely adore him, when you first met the tall idol you thought you'd have to pull an intimidating front until he absolutely folded in front of you. He's so cute.
Although Kai is in a respectable K-pop group and gets paid good money, you buy him everything. You found out the boys were still sharing rooms with bunks, you bought a penthouse for them and so you can get dirty alone with him. You saw that Kai broke the screen of his phone, you bought him two new phones. one for everyday use and one to keep both yours and his nudes AND whenever he wanted to visit you, you always had expensive cars and jets take him whenever he pleases. The only condition is that Kai is to not share the relationship with the public because what would it do to your boss girl business reputation if people found out you were down bad for him.
Worst part about being an idol is that people share everything that is on their mind especially rude comments. They have the freedom to say what they want but sometimes the words were too cruel. Kai is already insecure with his looks but when the comeback photos came out his mind bolded the hate comments among the many good ones. Nitpicking every comment, he got gloomier, smaller, distant. He stopped picking up your calls, stopped texting you, and you were quick to contact Soobin asking if Kai is safe.
For the comeback there was one interview held at a conference room at a hotel. Questions upon questions finally the session came to a close. The boys were set to go back to the company's building but someone stops Kai from leaving. A man in a suit looking like a secret agent to others but Kai knew exactly who he is. "Ms. y/n requests to see you."
"She- she's here?!" Kai had different emotions going through his mind. Initially excited to see you but then he remembered that he was basically ghosting you. Breathing deep to calm his nerves Kai follows your assistant to a room on the highest level of the hotel. Kai looks at the door then looking back at the assistant who stands there with no emotion detected on his face. Twisting the handle Kai opens the door to be welcomed by darkness.
A huge hotel room with window walls looking out above the city of Seoul. He steps closer to look at the view in awe and realize a figure sitting at a lounge chair near by. There you were, your pin-striped pants exaggerated the length of your legs crossed as the matching blazer adorned your arm holding your head up. Kai's eyes meet yours noticing your annoyance, the disappointment.
"I-i'm sorr-" Kai starts but is cut off by your abrupt movement out of the chair. You walk further into the room Kai following behind. "As much as I want your explanation" you say as you halt in front of the king sized bed, "I think we should go straight to business." You turn to look back at Kai his dark bushy hair covering his wide eyes. Smirking at his gaped lips you pull him into a kiss. Kai immediately melts into your touch bending down to get closer to you.
Your hands brush through his hair on his neck, slipping down lower on his chest, grabbing onto the material of the jacket to take it off. Detaching your lips you stare deeply into Kai's chocolate orbs, "on the bed now." Kai is obedient, he lowers himself on the bed to get another surprise of a reflection of himself. "Do you like the view?" you say grinning wildly, "I've been seeing the disgraceful things people are saying on the internet, they're not true."
You coo as the man's lips turns into a frown. Leaning down connecting each others lips, each kiss was separated by reassurance and love yous. Taking his tie off along with all his clothes you take the silky material of the tie wrapping it around Kai's wrists. He whines and squirms as you restrain him. You leave him spread out for you to admire. Getting a taste, kissing, biting, from his collarbones down to his happy trail. You softly wrap your cold hands around his warm hard dick. "A-ah y/n-" you shush him as your thumb rubs the precum on his tip. "So handsome you know that right?"
Kai looks down, the darkness didn't do justice to hide his reddening face. You were fully clothed on top of his very naked restrained body. A trail of spit from your mouth goes down lubricating Kai's thick cock for you to jerk him off. You eat up every sound the man makes letting him fight the tie on his wrists and buck his hips into your hand. Just as Kai's moans get frequent and pitched you let go.
A long whine fills the room Kai pouts even harder. "Be patient, my love." Standing up from the bed Kai watches you undress. He licks his lips seeing your matching lacy white lingerie, as stark difference to your dark attire. Knowing how much Kai loves this set on you, you leave it on straddling his hips. His chest rises and falls fast as he watches your dainty fingers push the panties to the side to have Kai's tip feel how drench you are. The sight of Kai leaning his head back in pleasure is heavenly. You so badly wanted to leave possessive marks on his sculpted jaw but you can't, you shouldn't.
Finally letting your cunt swallow Kai's length whole you rock your hips. Your head then falls back, the fullness electrifying your body. Opening your eyes to see yourself fucking Kai, you huff "Kai, look up." Kai slowly opens his eyes to witness what you were seeing.
This fueled his fire, you yelped in surprise when your whole body was slammed onto the bed. Then you reflection was of you surrounded by white sheets and Kai's toned back and bottom on top of you. You watch as Kai slips out of his tie then to put his hands the sides of your head. Kai wastes no time to thrust deep and fast into you. Kissing you deeply surly bruising your lips. His hands caress your legs guiding them over his shoulders to have his dick hit a sweet spot. You couldn't help but to cling onto his broad back, scratching it until it tore skin. The disconnection from the two of you were being realized as you both tire your bodies.
It seemed that Kai forgot the deal as his head buried into your neck. Teeth biting down at a spot that made you whimper. You didn't care at that moment the way he was making you feel was too good. He thrusted harder, reaching down to rub your clit getting you close. Your pussy clenches with each friction of your sensitive nub making it difficult for Kai to continue. Cumming on his cock it wasn't long until he came undone.
Kai flops down rolling to the side to not to squish you. You turn your head to look at him and he does the same. Brushing his bangs out of his eyes you say, "don't ever ignore me again." Kai nods making you smile and give him a peck on the forehead. Now you need your assistant to find the best make up team to cover up your hickey and maybe Kai's hickeys after tonight...
A nuisance,
TxT's Devil
taglist: @inkigayocamman, @naoristerling, @incogrio
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slayingfiction · 2 years ago
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How I push through writing when I don't feel like writing.
Here are some of the techniques that I use to help me write more often or more consistantly when my laziness/depression/anxiety starts to take over.
I watch TV. I don't do it with the purpose of zoning out though. I watch something popular and well-liked such as the LOR or Harry Potter to get new ideas on how I can develop my story and apply their in-depth world-building ideas to help develop mine. Without plagarizing of course!!!!
Zoning out and daydreaming. As I have mentionned before, daydreaming is a huge part of my story outlining and world-building process. I'll stand in the shower, or take a walk and think about how my charcaters would act/react/behave in situations, mundane or not. Doing this gives me a better sense of my characters, and sometimes gives me ideas for scenes I use later on.
Work on writing related projects. These work well at keeping me distracted while still being productive on my writing goals. Example, I have one story I am working now, I made a new language (alphabet and numbers included) to include as a cool and fun component for the book. So, at times when I don't wan't to write, I continue creating the dictionary (very fun, 8/10 would recommend). Also, for the same book, my characters don't work off the Georigian calendar and 24 hour clock, so I've been working at creating a new calendar (harder than it seems, 2.5/10 dont recommend). These are side projects that help my story, without having to write.
Reading. You saw this one coming, I know. Reading is great, especially when you're editing, your writing style will unconsciously change to be more similar the author you were just reading. Also, most importantly, I'll be reading and think, "this story is really good, but you know what story I like even better? Mine." then change to writing.
This one is my biggest life saver!! I learnt about a year ago that sometimes I'll get bored of writing a story, and have difficulty keeping on track. That's why I finished my first book in 2016 and just started editing the first draft last week. The solution for me was to work on multiple projects at once, because it was much harder to be bored of multiple stories. I stick to 2, but will sometimes add a third. This is easy for me, because I have a list of over a dozen series I want to write. Don't abandon one project for another, use them as a distraction/ motivation for each other, so you're always furthering at least one project. I've never heard someone say, "oh no, i accidentally worked on this other writing project for three months instead of the other writing project I was doing. Dammit." No, we're just happy we have written something. Be sure to have well outlined story lines before starting, don't just start writing randomly or you'll reach a point where you don't know where to go from there.
Author/ writer projects. Maybe this is building a following, or community to share your projects and engage with. Tumblr, Insta, Reddit, whatever it is. My hope this year is to start up my website to offer publishing services (editing, graphic design, short writing courses) and build a following as a writer. (See what I did there? Never a bad time to self-promote ;) ) Having your own projects like this will help you in the future when you're going to try to publish and sell your books!
Talk with friends and a writing community. Never underestimate the passion that will burn inside you when talking about your story, or when others are talking about theirs. Surrounding yourself with a positive writing community can be the best thing for you as a writer.
Write or read (your story) every day. I'm not going to be one of those people that say you need to write 1000 words a day, that's a lot. But maybe try for 100? That could maybe only take 5 minutes, and at the end of the year that's still over 36 thousand words of a novel. Or just read your story, and I've always found it helped me get in the creative mood.
Make a playlist of songs that remind you of your characters, your story, or just puts you in the mood to write. Then play it ONLY when you're having trouble writing. Playing it while writing will not help, you'll get annoyed with the songs.
Just really can't do it today? That's okay, take a break. You deserve it. There's always tomorrow.
Does anyone else have ways they push themselves to keep writing? Let us know in the comments!
Happy Writing!
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