#i'll get a page written for her soon i promise

[agathaandbrienneslesbian]

Love-Letters

Jane Murdstone x Fem!Maid!Reader

Hiyaaaa I've finally finished my Jane murdstone fic and it's the first fic I'll upload on Tumblr so...

Big thank you to my freinds for proof reading this mess :3

Disclaimer: English is not my first language!

Warnings: SMUT 18+, minors DNI

Authors note: Just because we love our red flag on legs. Smutty fanfic of Female Reader Maid and Jane Murdstone. Secrets, Love confessions, (kinda) soft Jane, top! Jane, bottom! Reader.

Words: 4’000+

Ao3 Link

Taglist

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The second you saw her in the maid's quarters, holding a stack of notes in her hand and glaring at you, you knew you were royally fucked. There she stood. The object of your (very questionable) affection, Jane Murdstone. You knew you shouldn’t like her, but you couldn’t help yourself. There was just something enchanting about the way she carried herself.

Jane Murdstone, who has been terrorising you for so many months, ever since she set foot in your Lady's manor and made you her personal maid.

THE Miss Murdstone who, as soon as you laid eyes on her, burned her beautiful image in your mind and heart, making it impossible to forget her icy blue eyes, the pale ivory skin, or her soft long black tresses you so gladly brushed out each morning and evening. And even though everyone else feared the Iron Lady, you saw a gentler, more vulnerable side of her, you saw behind the facade, and that's what made you fall for that woman.

However, this Jane Murdstone was now marching up to you at a dangerous pace, her eyes narrow and unreadable. A shiver went down your spine, as soon as she stood towering in front of you in all her stoic beauty, looking down at your small and weak form.

“What is this?” She asked through gritted teeth, wiggling the loose notes in front of your face. Confused, you focused on the pages in her hand, and your heart dropped. She was holding the poems and love letters you’d written about her in secret. The only way to confront your feelings towards her and the biggest secret you’ve harboured in your boring little life as a maid. Have you forgotten to put them away? You are usually so careful, but this time it must have slipped your mind. Fear rose in you and you swallowed dryly.

“I- I don’t know my Lady.” You answer, trying to sound as clueless as you possibly could with the amount of panic and fear rushing through your veins. Miss Murdstone, of course, picked up on the slight quiver in your voice. She was like a bloodhound when it came to sniffing out fear and lies. You didn’t dare look at her, as you were sure disgust and discontent would colour Jane’s ivory features.

“Lies,” She hissed and gripped your chin painfully, moving your head so you had no other choice but to make eye contact with her. The second your eyes met hers, your fear mixed with confusion. She looked… Hurt? Afraid? Angry? The stoic Iron Lady was portraying emotions you have never seen on her face, or at least emotions she would never dare show anyone.

“I know you wrote those letters and poems. What were you hoping to achieve with that? Have you planned for me to find them? To mock me? To get under my skin? What is it?” She barked at you, anger rising in her throat. How could you? Your eyes softened as you recognised what she felt. Pain. But… Why would your poems and letters, which describe her otherworldly beauty and confess your true and raw feelings for her cause pain?

“My Lady I-” 

“Save it,” She grunted  and shoved you to the side, leaving you stumbling to the ground. 

“I do not need to remind you of your place in this household, do I? If you should ever as much as THINK of trying to get under my skin again with such childish mockery, I WILL have you thrown out. And that is a promise!” She stormed off towards the direction of her study and you followed suit, unsure of what to do or say but you wanted to tell her, tell her that you were not mocking her but that every word you wrote is true. Tell her that you, indeed, have lost yourself in her sparkling blue orbs, that you longed to run your fingers through her raven black locks, that you desired to feel what her soft and pink lips feel on your own. How endearing her little quirks and laughs were when she was relaxed, reading a book whilst you helped her get ready for the day. You wanted to tell her all of this and so much more, but you knew it wasn’t right.

The moment she entered her study, you could hear the sizzling of the flames in the fireplace grow louder. Was she… no… You rushed in only to freeze in place, watching with horror and dismay as she had thrown your notes, the declaration of your undying devotion and love for her, into the blazing flames. 

“And you…” She turned to look at you, an enraged expression etched into her face, obscuring her usually so beautiful features, causing the little faint scar on her upper lip to become very noticeable.

“I do not wish to have you anywhere near me ever again! You clearly have gotten way too comfortable, thinking I wouldn’t notice your disrespect towards me. Now get out… Get. OUT!” Jane was fuming with anger. She thought you might have been different, kinder, but you were just like everyone else.

You didn’t know what to say, simply looking at the dancing flames consuming your thoughts and feelings. You didn’t dare look at her anymore and simply turned around to leave the study, feeling numb and empty. The walk to your chamber felt long and treacherous with a million thoughts running through your head, yet it was blank at the same time. You were sure, that night was the worst night of your entire existence. You felt heartbroken and worried about what was going to happen now that she knew you craved the fairer sex. Not once were you able to close your eyes, as the haunting image of her face lined with hurt and betrayal presented itself to you as soon as you did. 

Of course, you were hoping for this to be a bad dream, but the next morning, Mr. Murdstone, her brother, informed you of your new position as a kitchen maid. And that’s where you were to remain, not once being able to see Jane’s face or hear her voice. No matter how much pain it caused you to see her that night, it hurt even more not being able to see her at all. You even caught yourself sneaking out of the kitchen and through the manor just to, hopefully, accidentally bump into her but luck wasn’t on your side. The other maids kept complaining about Miss Murdstones temper. Every maid who was assigned to her hasn’t lasted for more than a day. Each and every one of them has come back to the maids quarters either furious, spitting vile comments about your beloved Lady, or sobbing but not once were you asked to return to your original position as Jane’s personal maid. You had almost given up on ever being able to see her again, that was until one morning Mr. Murdstone entered the kitchen, looking for you.

“Y/n?” He called out for you, causing all the other maids working in the kitchen to turn around and face you with curiosity. Some have already started whispering and gossiping as soon as you were released from your role as Miss Murdstone’s personal maid. But this… This must have been even worse. You felt helpless.

“Yes, Sir?” You set the soap aside and dried your hands on your apron as you turned around, bowing lightly. The feeling of so many eyes on you was uncomfortable. You only wanted one pair of eyes on you but the person whose icy blue diamonds belonged to didn’t want you around anymore.

“My sister is in need of assistance and none of the other maids are currently at disposal. Now I know for some reason she has asked me to remove you as her personal maid. However, I do not know why nor do I care to find out. I trust you have enough time to spare?” He looked at you, waiting for a reply. Was this really happening? Have you heard correctly? Anxiety rose in your chest, you took a deep breath nodding lightly.

“Of course, Sir.” Your answer was quiet. This seemed to suffice as he just turned around without another word and left. Miss Murdstone might be known for her iron status but it was her brother you feared more than anyone in this household. Nervously you took your kitchen apron off and put your regular apron on, making your way down the hall and up the stairs to Jane’s chambers. You tucked a strand of hair, which had fallen out of your braid when changing the apron, behind your ear and knocked, waiting for her to call you in.

Once you heard her calling you in, you opened the door and entered. Closing the door again behind you, you saw her sitting at her vanity still in her nightgown. She hadn’t noticed you yet and was focused on unbraiding her hair - that beautiful silky raven hair. With careful steps, you walked towards her, standing behind her and grabbing the brush on the table to start brushing through her locks. Jane was too busy rummaging through her vanity drawer to look up at you but she did notice a change of maid. 

“Finally someone who knows how to use a hairbrush correctly. All the other maids were klutzes.” She murmured, more to herself than to you, then she looked up and froze.

“What are you doing here? I thought I was clear enough with my demands to have you out of my face.” She spat and moved to grip your wrist, stopping you from brushing out her hair. You jumped at her reaction. Her grip was tight and it was starting to hurt.

“None of the other maids are available, my Lady, so Sir Murdstone has asked me to come and assist you” You replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible to avoid any further irritation. She huffed and let go of your hand, glaring at you poisonously through the mirror. After a few seconds and a deep breath later, you continued with your ministrations, not wanting to look at her. It felt weird, really. You were with your Lady again but it did not feel right…

“So you’re back to disrespecting me? Were the letters and poems not enough of a mockery for you?” She averted her eyes but you could see that the expression of hurt was back. Your heart clenched with pain seeing her in such emotional distress.

“It was never my intention to mock you, my Lady.” You state quietly, watching her reaction carefully. There was a soft flicker of something unfamiliar on her face. Only for a split second, then it was gone again. 

“Then what was your intention?” Jane looked at you again with a dangerous stare. Would you dare tell her? Before you could answer she continued, “I do not know how or when you discovered my affection for the fairer sex but by god, I know you were planning on using it against me. So what was your intention?” 

Wait.. what? You stopped your movements and looked at her in disbelief. She just rolled her eyes at your reaction and huffed impatiently, crossing her arms over her chest and looking away. It took a second or two for you to collect your thoughts again before you spoke, carefully.

“My Lady… My intentions were nothing but pure.” You start carefully, watching her as her icy blue orbs shoot to look at you. There it was again. That flicker you’ve seen before.

“I can assure you that all of the things I have written are true. I know it is frowned upon but who am I to deny my heart the freedom to feel, to long for.” You gently put the brush down and move to Jane’s side, kneeling on the ground in front of her and looking up at her. Jane’s body has visibly relaxed but her facial expression was unreadable. 

“It might not be right, not only because we are women but because I am just a simple maid and you are my Lady… but I simply cannot deny the feelings I have developed for you…”

“You’re… Are you true, y/n?” Jane asked quietly, almost in a whisper. It was obvious to you that she tried to look unbothered but yet she has never seemed so small and fragile as she has in this very moment and you wanted nothing more but to hold her hands, reassuring her of your feelings. Still, you decided to keep your distance, giving her only a curt nod as an answer.

“But… I have been nothing but vicious to you… how,” she looked down into your eyes, hers shining with uncertainty and guilt.

“So you have… But I have also seen you at your most relaxed state, right here braiding your hair, and I felt you were not as cruel as you portray yourself to be. My Lady… It was never my intention to cause you pain or disrespect you, I simply didn’t know where to go with my feelings. I wrote them down because I couldn’t tell you. I wasn’t sure if you felt the same and-” Soft lips suddenly pressed against yours, stopping you in the middle of your sentence. A hand gently placed on your cheek pulled you closer and instinctively your eyes closed shut. To say that she took you by surprise was an understatement. You carefully moved your hand to find her other and squeezed it lightly. An affirmation for the both of you. This caused Jane to deepen the kiss, her lips moving against yours in a heated frenzy of desire which you reciprocated gladly. You knelt there, basking in the affection she was willing to give to you and taking everything in before she evidently changed her mind. 

When air became necessary you pulled away, looking up at Jane with a longing gleam in your eyes and heated red cheeks. She looked down at you, her face just as drunk with desire as yours. Chewing on her lower lip, she thought for a second then pulled you up with her. You followed her to her bed like a lovesick puppy, holding her hand tightly in yours, not willing to let go. The desire has spread south and you could feel the well-known warm sensation in your abdomen growing more and more. Jane turned around and looked at you, her eyes searching yours for any sign of regret or disgust but all she saw was you smiling up at her with the sweetest expression she has ever seen. Pure adoration. So there was actually someone who could adore her?

“Is this alright?” She asked as she pulled you closer, still a bit uncertain. Your heart almost burst out of your chest at the gentle nature of the Iron Lady. 

“More than alright my La-”

“Jane. Please call me Jane.” She interrupted and your smile grew even more. She couldn't believe how you could look at her like that when she has never said a kind word to you in all the months you have worked for her. Jane wanted to make it  right, treat you right and give you the affection she knew you deserved and craved and she was more than willing to give it to you. 

“Okay… Jane.” Her name has never sounded so good before and Jane wanted to know in how many other ways her name could leave your lips. She sat down at the edge of the bed and pulled you in, to sit on her lap. You did so without hesitation and moved to cup her cheeks, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. A reassuring tenderness she has never received from anyone before. Jane inhaled deeply at the gentle gesture and moved to hold onto your waist, pulling you into her. She needed you impossibly close. The first few kisses were soft and timid but they soon turned heated. Jane squeezed your waist which caused you to open your mouth in a silent inhale, allowing her to explore your mouth with her tongue. You battled with her for dominance but evidently gave up and let her take control, the thing she does best. Her hands started roaming your body, moving from your waist to your hips and your thighs. Your head was swimming in pure bliss. 

A quiet noise escaped your lips as Jane moved her lips to your neck, attacking it with hot open-mouthed kisses and nips. Your hands instinctively shot into her hair, holding close onto her as she assaulted your soft skin with her delicate lips. You couldn’t take it anymore. The aching between your legs has gotten uncomfortably strong and you squirmed against her lap. Jane noticed and gently slid her hands under your dress, running her fingertips over your warm skin, whilst her kisses moved to your ear, gently nibbling on your earlobe.

“Jane… please,” You whimpered out pathetically for the stoic woman beneath you.

“What do you want me to do, my dove?” Jane husked in your ear and smirked as you responded with a strangled groan. She loved how you reacted to her touch, how you reacted to her words. Never would she have thought that she could have precious little you on her lap like this, pudding in her hands. 

“N-need you… please,” You breathed out frustratedly, moving your hips towards hers instinctively. You needed her hands on you, all over you, needed her to relieve that ache between your legs. Jane chuckled and removed her hands from your legs, causing you to pout. 

“Don’t get impatient, darling.” She smirked and moved to remove your apron and then started unbuttoning your uniform. You took this as a sign to unlace her nightgown, pushing it down her shoulders. Although you have seen Jane's bare chest before when you had helped her dress for the day or undress for bed, this was something completely different. Your eyes were trained on her soft ivory breasts as she finished unbuttoning your garments. She expertly pulled your uniform over your head and tossed it to the side, leaving you in your undergarments. Being way too impatient, you pull the fabric off of your head yourself. Jane smirked at how desperate you were and instantly started roaming your figure again with her hands. Her soft fingertips discover every dip and curve of your body, sending goosebumps over your skin. 

“You are so beautiful.” Jane said with bated breath, immediately attaching her lips to one of your nipples. You inhaled sharply as she ran her tongue over the hardened bundle and then sucked it into her mouth again, releasing it with a plop. Without wasting a second, she gave the same attention to the other breast before sitting up straight again. 

“Lie down.” She ordered, moving you off her lap. She stood up and watched you lie on her bed, her nightgown now pooling around her ankles, she stepped out of it and climbed in bed with you. Jane lay close to you and pulled you in for a kiss as her hands started roaming your body again, your own hands finding purpose in exploring hers.

You broke the kiss, gasping as you felt Jane run her finger through your soaked folds. 

“My, my. Is all of this for me, darling?” She husked and watched your reaction closely, spreading the wetness around, focusing tiny circles on your very sensitive clit. You closed your eyes and inhaled sharply then let out a desperate whimper. Jane was mesmerised by the way your body reacted to her and it aroused her greatly. She teased your clit for a little while longer, watching you writhe and squirm under her. The little noises and pleas coming from your lips and the way you called out her name filled her with pride. It was addicting how she had barely touched you and you were already reacting so much to her.

“J- Jane please… please I need you-  ah,” You bucked your hips against her in hopes of more friction. You were so desperate for relief and just wanted her to claim you as hers and who was Jane to refuse? She leaned in, capturing your lips with hers to silence your moan as she slowly pushed a digit into your aching hole. She managed to slip her finger in with ease and started moving it slowly. The feeling of her finger in you was enough to send your head spiralling. You moaned into her mouth and wrapped your arms around her neck, pulling her closer, causing her nude body to almost fully lay on top of you. The sensation of skin on skin had both of you shivering with arousal. She sped up her movements, as soon as she felt that you were ready and pulled away from the kiss, looking down at you lovingly. 

“Darling I need you to be as quiet as you possibly can now… Do you think you can manage?” She asked, panting lightly. Her own arousal had started trickling down her thighs. You nodded and opened your mouth in a silent moan as she curled her finger into your sweet spot. Jane smiled and moved to kiss and suckle on your breasts again. The sensation of her finger moving in and out of you and her lips and tongue exploring your chest and stomach made you feel dizzy. She moved her kisses and kitten licks all the way down your body, never halting her movement with her hand until she was positioned between your legs. 

Looking up at you, she placed a sloppy,  open-mouthed kiss on your thigh, right next to your hot and wet core. Your back arched off the bed and you gripped the sheets, holding your breath before exhaling strongly. Jane moved her kisses closer to your centre, removing her finger and before you could protest she ran her tongue over the length of your folds, collecting the wetness which seeped from you. 

She enclosed your clit with her lips and sucked lightly, having you bite your hand gently and groan so you wouldn’t make too much noise. She continued giving attention to your clit with her mouth, slipping two digits into your hole again to curl them upwards. Jane sped up her movements and you felt a knot build in your core. Staying quiet was getting more and more difficult as the tension grew stronger. Jane noticed your struggle to stay quiet. She felt your walls clench around her fingers and knew you were close. Her movements didn't stop, but she pulled away from your clit, reattaching her lips with yours to swallow the sweet noises you made for her. 

“That’s it, my girl. You’re doing so well for me! Let go!” She panted against your lips, her praise sending you over the edge with her name on your lips. Jane helped you ride out your orgasm before pulling her fingers out and holding them to your lips. You understood immediately and licked her fingers clean, groaning at your taste on them. Jane watched you intently, pulling her fingers away when the aching between her legs got too much, she couldn’t hold back anymore. She needed you. Jane straddled you, enclosing your head with her toned and strong legs, holding onto the headboard for support. Your mouth watered, seeing her glistening core in front of you. As the scent of her arousal filled your nose, you couldn’t help but whimper in anticipation. 

“Be a good girl and make me feel good too, will you?” She said breathlessly, and gently lowered herself to your mouth. You wasted no time, running your tongue through her folds, collecting her desire. Her taste was addicting, and you wrapped your arms around her thighs, pulling her down more. Immediately you went to work on her clit, giving it kitten licks and sucking it gently, causing Jane to throw her head back and let out a guttural groan. 

Your hands moved upwards, feeling her warm skin, massaging her soft breasts, and teasing her nipples. Meanwhile, your ministrations on her clit never wavered, causing Jane to roll her hips down onto your tongue. You groaned into her core, letting her ride herself on your tongue however she desired. The sounds coming from her were a mix of obscenities and praises of your name, which sent your head reeling. Shortly, Jane’s legs started shaking, and you moved your hands to support her, holding her in place for you to continue your feasting on her. She was close, and you could hear it. You collected all of your remaining energy to focus on her clit, licking and nibbling. Sucking on it hard one last time caused Jane to come undone on top of you, clasping her thighs around your head, trapping you momentarily as you helped her ride out her orgasm on your face. She released you from her grip and collapsed next to you on the bed, panting heavily.

“You’re aethereal when you come undone like that.” You pant gently and smile brightly when you catch her blush. Jane moved her head to look at you, an affectionate smile spread on her lips as she extended her arms for you. Gratefully you snuggled into her embrace and held her close, resting your head on her chest and listening to her heartbeat, gradually calming down. The two of you stayed like this for a few minutes before you turned your head to look up at her.

“We should probably get dressed again before anyone notices.” She looked down at you, playing with a few loose strands of your hair. You didn’t want to get up, but you knew it was dangerous to stay here for too long.

“We should… but I don't want to.” She smiled and pressed a sweet kiss on your forehead.

“Let's just stay like this for a little longer. I don’t want to let go of you just yet.” Jane smiled and nuzzled her nose into the crown of your head. You were more than content with that decision.

You wanted to tell her you loved her, and let her know how much she meant to you but… this could wait. Most important was that you could enjoy the closeness and calm with Jane, bask in each other's presence, exchange kisses, and whisper sweet nothings to each other until the two of you fell asleep eventually.

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Tags: @weemssapphic @pro-weems-places @winterfireblond

[jungkookjeon0007]

Nights in Vegas | CH. 4 (JJK FF)

☆ summary: When Olivia flies to Las Vegas for her first ever BTS concert w/ her best friend, she was expecting to make lots of unforgettable memories... What she wasn't expecting was to end up with the lead singer, Jeon Jungkook, knocking on her hotel room door only to find her in nothing but a towel. What will happen when the golden maknae wants to see her again? Will it lead to heartbreak, or a promising future for them both?

☆ pairing(s): jungkook x olivia.

☆ ratings: (18+) for detailed sex scenes + harsh language.

☆ genre: smut, angst, fluff.

☆ word count: 1.44k.

☆☆☆☆☆

Unknown: Hey! 👋🏼

Olivia: Hey. Who's this?

Unknown: Don't tell me you've forgotten about me so soon. 😞

Olivia: If it's the person I think it is, then no. I could never forget about you. 😊

Unknown: I'm glad you could never forget me, because I know for a fact I will never forget you. 💜 But in case you needed confirmation, it's Jungkook. 🫣

Olivia: Of course I knew it was you, did you need something? ☺️

Jungkook: Yes actually, I wanted to see if you were ready to sign the NDA? We have some free time and can use the conference room for extra privacy within the next 10 minutes.

Olivia: Absolutely. 😊 Do you want me to meet you down there?

Jungkook: Yeah if that's okay. It's conference room number 1. I wanted to come up  and get you myself, but where I'm just getting back from dance practice my manager thinks it's easier if we just meet. 🥴

Olivia: Your manager is right, there's no need for you coming all the way up here then going right back down. I will meet you there in 10, just let me get freshened up really quickly. 💜

. . .

I hopped out of the bed, heading for the bathroom to fix my hair. I had just woken up from a nap and didn't want to look like a bum when I walked into the conference room.

"And where are you going in a hurry?" Lacie asked while leaning on the bathroom doorway.

"I need to go meet Jungkook downstairs at the conference room. He wants me to go ahead and sign the NDA form with his manager since they have some free time."

I sighed heavily.

"What is it?" She asked confused.

"Do you think this outfit is too laid back for meeting with him?"

"Liv, you look absolutely perfect. Hell I think you could wear a paper bag and the man would still think you're beautiful."

I smiled, keeping the outfit on and making my way to the door. "I'll see you in a little bit, love you."

"Love you babe, have fun."

. . .

Once the elevator stopped in the lobby, I exited making my way to the conference room. I knocked on the door and was met with his bunny smile as it opened.

He motioned for me to come in and had me follow him over to a big table in the middle of the room where a man was waiting with the paperwork.

"Olivia this is Mr. Kim Hyun Soo, he is going to be helping us with the NDA forms today."

"Hello sir." I stated, as he bowed politely with a smile.

"This will not take long, I just need you guys to take a seat over here and I will go over everything with you." Hyun Soo motioned towards the long conference table as the two of us made our way to a seat.

We sat down and immediately he slid papers in front of us. "Okay so there are multiple rules and guidelines we have to follow when the NDA is in place. As you can see the first page is where both of your names will be, stating this mutual agreement is between the two of you specifically. Basically this is saying for you Miss Olivia, that you will not disclose any information you obtain with or about Jungkook and your time together. If you'll sign this portion, we will then proceed."

I grabbed a pen and signed the line, looking at Hyun Soo once I was finished. "Okay perfect, let's move on. This next portion is something Hybe and our attorneys have written up in case this situation ever occurred between one of the members and a fan. You will need to read each line item carefully, along with the consequences if you fail to follow the rules provided to you. Read them aloud please so I know for certain that you have read them."

I grabbed the paper, suddenly feeling nervous. With both of their eyes on me, I began to read. "Number 1, ARMY is prohibited in the sharing of photos, videos, schedules, or any other private information obtained about the idol. Number 2, the idol and ARMY are not allowed to engage in physical contact or relationships when in the public eye, failure to follow this rule will result in a punishable offense-"

I stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath as I was shaking from nervousness. I suddenly felt a hand lay softly against my thigh, patting it gently. I looked into his eyes and Jungkook simply smiled, nodding his head, "It's okay, keep reading Liv. You're doing great."

I smiled, feeling better as I continued to read the rest of the rules and their consequences.

"Okay perfect, if you can just sign your names on the last page I will get them documented for you."

We signed our names and handed the papers back to Hyun Soo, "Thank you for your cooperation with us Miss Olivia, you and Jungkook are now allowed to see each other in his free time. I hope you both have a wonderful day." He bowed and without another word, left the two of us alone in the conference room.

"Wow, that was so intense." I said, looking at Jungkook in relief.

"I know, that was a pain in the ass but it's all finished and we don't have to worry about it now. We can hang out whenever we want and no one can get in the way."

We smiled at each other before I realized his hand was still on my thigh. He met my gaze and quickly retreated his hand, seeming nervous. "I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that without ask-"

"Shh, it's okay. You're very sweet for comforting me while I was nervous, thank you." I then kissed his cheek.

He blushed before clearing his throat, "So would you like me to walk you back to your room?

I nodded and without another word, we walked out of the conference room and back down to the elevator.

. . .

Coolest Group Chat Ever has been created.

Jungkook: Hey! Hobi and Olivia, I have you both in here but couldn't add Lacie. Could one of you add her so we can all 4 talk about tonight?

Olivia: On it! There, she's added now! 😊

Lacie: Hey!

Hobi: Hi everyone. So what's going on tonight? 😁

Jungkook: Well I was thinking we could go out to dinner then hit the club after. We will call ahead of time for both, that way we can have private seating at dinner and VIP in the club.

Hobi: That sounds perfect, I'm down if the ladies are good with that.

Lacie: Absolutely. 😊

Olivia: I'm good with that for sure. ☺️

Jungkook: Awesome, then it's settled. Hobi Hyung and I will pick you both up tonight at 8. Make sure to wear something a bit fancy, but also something you can wear to a club! Oh and Hyung, have you and Lacie signed the NDA with Hyun Soo yet?

Hobi: No, we're actually meeting him in 10 minutes though. Everything will be all set by tonight so don't worry. 😉

Jungkook: Great! Liv and I have already signed ours, I just dropped her back at her room. Ladies, we will pick you up at your room later, until then everyone enjoy their day! 😊

. . .

Lacie and I smiled at one another as we laid on our beds. "I still cannot believe this is real."

"I know, I feel like we're living in a dream." I replied, staring up at the ceiling.

"I have to say though, you and JK look so good together." She was now propped up on her elbow, looking over at me.

"I think the same about you and Hobi, he seems like a very sweet guy." I stated as she smiled.

"Yeah he's the sweetest, I'm so glad we're getting to do this and that you guys got us this chance. Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

We both giggled as I looked back at the ceiling, "Of course, and I love you too."

It was silent between us until she suddenly sat up, panicking.

"Liv? What the hell are we supposed to wear tonight??"

My eyes went wide, "Shit."

[bl3upi3]

Don't play with fire (chapter 2)

[Lo'ak x OC]

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DISCLAIMER: This Avatar fan fiction is made only with the help of my imagination. I wanted to imagine a story that would take place in Avatar 3 so after "the way of water". I read that this movie would be about fire people, so I tried to imagine this clan with the information found on interenet. In this fan fiction Lo'ak is 18 years old and everything that is said about "The Ash People" in this book was invented and was not certified by James Cameron. English is not my first language so sorry if I don't know some of the words, please be indulgent, I might edit this story once I finish. I still hope you will like it.

Summary: One year after the events in the Reefs, the Sully family decides to move again, to a new clan said to be able to bring the dead back to life. What happens when Lo'ak meets the princess of the volcanoes? Him who was already promised to the Metkayina princess finds himself in a strange situation when he falls for another girl.

Lo’ak's POV

The arrival at the volcano was not easy, after this long trip and the bad reception we received I did not think we would stay there, but my parents were determined to have an answer to their question.

The morning after our arrival I decided to go out of the crater to explore. I walked to a watering hole but as I approached it I saw a figure in the water. It was Äära the daughter of the chief, the one who as soon as we arrived let us know that we were not welcome. I looked at her in the distance, hiding behind a tree, she looked so peaceful right away, not the same girl I met yesterday. She was sitting on a rock, her feet in the water lost in her thoughts writing in what seemed to be a journal, she knew I was there because as soon as I approached the tree her ears perked up and she raised her head looking in my direction, I had time to hide my face before she saw me but it wasn't enough.

"Get out of there Lo'ak and stop stalking me" I hear her say, I close my eyes and sigh before coming out of my hiding place with both hands in the air.

"You got me" I say with an embarrassed smile.

"You're loud" she stood up as walked towards me, I was ready to have a conversation similar to yesterday's "You and your family are wasting your time here" she continued brushing past me.

I followed her with my eyes, "My mother wants to think that there is hope of seeing my brother again" I spoke.

She stopped walking and turned to face me "It's hard but she has to move on".

"How can you say that? You don't know how hard it is for her".

"It's hard for everyone Lo'ak" she said curtly, I don't know why but my name coming out of her mouth was like music to my ears.

I blinked hard, bringing me out of my thoughts, "You don't know what you're talking about," I returned to the subject.

I saw her clench her fist then take a deep breath before releasing the tension in her hand " The world doesn't revolve around you " she said before turning and walking away " I'll come get you and Spider for training later "

I watched her walk away before turning back to the pond, I walked to the rock where she was sitting and found the notebook she was writing in just before, I looked back in the direction she had gone to make sure she wasn't coming back for it before opening it and reading a few pages.

She was talking about her life in general and what she was experiencing, not much of interest, I think it was a new diary and there were many before because this one started to be written on her last birthday. I flipped through it until I came across the page that talked about us "demon blood is among us, are they really that bad? Eywa wouldn't accept this if it was bad would she? They think they can bring Neteyam back and I'm afraid they won't accept to hear the truth" Neteyam? How does she know his name?

I went back to the camp and waited for her to come and get us. 

"Hey bro I'm not coming, Jake asked me to help him prepare the offering for the party" said Spider punching me in the arm

"Are you serious?" I grumble 

"Sorry" he mutters as he walks away.

He's so fucking annoying, he wants to live like us but the only thing he knows is to lick our father's boots.

"Mmh Mmh" I looked up and found Äära with her arms crossed "lets go"

"Spider is not coming" I followed her.

"I know I heard him" she answered without turning around

"Were you hiding?" I chuckled.

"Hiding from what?" she sighed

"I don't know, but anyway, why is everyone preparing an offering? What's the big deal?"

"Every month we celebrate my mother's pregnancy," we started to go deeper into the forest, "and we make offerings to thank Eywa".

"Why? Isn't it supposed to be something ordinary?"

"Don't open your mouth when you don't know what you're talking about" she turned around with a cut showing her teeth. I jumped and took a step back. "My mother has a hard time having children, that's why I'm an only child, well not for much longer"  her attitude dropped.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" she turned and continued walking to the training place.

"You must already be a good hunter but here we hunt with knives, which is more difficult than arrows especially when the target is moving" she took out three small knives from behind the bushes "Try your best to aim at the center" she gave them to me.

"It will be a piece of cake, give me a real target" I teased.

She squinted her eyes and put her head to the side without saying anything. I threw the knives and only one of them hit the target on the area but none in the center of it.

"You're a skxawng" she rolled her eyes and retrieved the knives, she moved closer to me and I reached out my hand to get the knives back. But she stares at my hand and especially my fingers, she takes my hand and traces my palm and then my fingers delicately. Shivers go through me when I feel her skin against mine but then she becomes cold again and lets go of my hand.

"What do you want me to do? Cut them?" I say with irritation.

"You have 5 so use them all" she says before putting a knife in my hand. I tried my luck again but still none in the center of the target.

I heard a laugh and when I looked towards Äära someone was standing next to her with an arm around her neck, she looked irritated too.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Who am I? You must be kidding, you're looking at the future Olo'eyktan" the man answered with a haughty look.

"Lo'ak this is Aysär" she lowered her eyes, she looked ashamed.

"Monsters like you don't deserve to live" the man came closer and started to turn around and analyze me "We should exterminate your whole family" he touched my tail.

"Please Aysär go I will join you" she said with a worried look.

" Everything you ask princess " he moved back the arms in the air as if to surrender " I'll wait for you " he finished before disappearing into the forest.

"Who is he?" I asked.

"My soon-to-be husband" she walked towards me without looking me in the eyes.

"This guy is going to be Olo'eyktan? 

"Tsahik." she cut me off "He's going to be Tsahik, but I haven't told him yet. My father wants to name me Olo'eyktan" she put her hand on my shoulder still refusing to look at me "See you tonight" she said before she also walked away.

Anger built up inside me and I threw the knife, which came to the center of the target for the first time.

After hours of training alone I returned to our tent.

"Where have you been? Mom and dad are waiting for us, the party has started" Kiri said hurriedly and took me by the hand to lead me back outside. On the way out I grabbed Äära's diary and put it on the back of my waistband. "You need to see this, it's beautiful" she pulled me down the stairs and we joined our family.

"Lo'ak! Where have you been?" my mother asked, putting her hand on my cheek and scanning me to make sure I wasn't hurt. Since Neteyam's death she was much more caring and careful than before, sometimes I just wish that everything was a dream and that my brother was still here with me. I looked towards the crowd of people around the fire, Äära was dancing with other women. I watched as she moved her body to the sound of the drums and I couldn't resist tracing my gaze along it, her hips following the rhythm too. 

"Stop checking her out" Spider spoke bumping me in the stomach.

" I'm not doing it" I looked at him and my cheeks became hot with embarrassment. 

I looked at the other side seeing my mother, Kiri and Tuk being taken away by the Tsahik with the other women. Kiri tried to run away but was caught by mom while Tuk was happy to go dancing.

"I think that now she is the one who is checking you out" Spider said making me turn my attention back to the girl who was looking at me and for the first time I saw her smile which automatically placed a smile on my lips. "I know someone who is going to hit it tonight" he added. 

"Shut up, she's got someone" I slammed the back of his head and the smile I was wearing disappeared right away.

I haven't really had a chance to talk to Äära since that afternoon. The party was divided into two parts, the women were with each other and the men too, no one was mixing. I heard other men say that this party was to thank Eywa but also served to most of them to find a mate. I find this a bit disgusting knowing that this party is dedicated to Ìhari and her pregnancy.

I needed to talk to Äära about Neteyam, I needed an answer. She walked towards me and I noticed the white marks on her belly.

"It's a stupid ritual" she laughed as she passed me and I started to follow her. "It's supposed to wish for fertility. Look at your mother" I turned and looked as she said and my mother also had handprints on her belly.

"We don't need a second Tuk" I laughed. We moved away from the festivities and I found the courage to talk about what I had read this morning. "How do you know Neteyam?" I began. 

She stopped and turned back to me "I don't know who that is" she scoffed. I handed her the diary and her eyes widened, "What the fuck, are you serious?" she ripped the notebook out of my hands, "I was beginning to trust you and you read my diary. Do you know what privacy is?" She was about to leave but I grabbed her arm stopping her in her tracks.

"Wait, I shouldn't have done that but I couldn't help myself. I need to know." she looked into my eyes and her gaze softened.

"Eywa told me through the fire," she said softly.

"Fire?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Yeah, that's one thing I can do, I can read through fire".

"So you can talk to him?"

"No it doesn't work like that Lo'ak" the same feeling as this morning appeared in the pit of my stomach at the sound of my name coming from her mouth "I need to get closer to where he was returned to Eywa"

"The spirit tree in the Cove of the Ancestors, I can take you there!

"If that's what you want" she smiled sympathetically as she nodded, "Sleep well," she said before walking away.

A/N: Happy New Year! I kind of like this chapter and I have a lot of inspiration for this fanfic. Don't forget to like and reblog. And don’t hesitate to give me ideas in the comments.This book is also on my Wattpad @_bl3upi3

*tag list*

@sakura-onesan @maraudersrry @honestlyka @max-xie @lovergirl-3000 @mushroomlover13 i can't tag some people idk why !

[beansmakesthings]

yeah i get more what you mean abt constance, i just jumped to what i did bc i see her get characterized incorrectly so often by ppl just ignoring her problems and character and only using her to take care of other people. so its kind of got a bad reputation to call her the mom friend of the group. by the "point of her arc" i mean the arc being that she's not just kind, there's so much more to her and other people need to realize that- calling her smth that stricly revolves around taking care of others it feels kinda oppositional to that. plus a 'mom friend' is usually associated with being the most mature and put together, which she is shown not to be, but OTHER people percieve her that way in-universe. so thats just what i feel abt it, i think it's just a label thing

That's fair, I totally get what you mean. I agree that there are some people who don't quite understand what they were going for with Constance in RTC. Her arc, at least the way I interpret it, is the one I relate to the most in the choir so I don't just see her as being 'the nice one' or just there for the benefit of the choir either.

Those headcanon pages I made are only a fraction of what I think of the characters and are just to give people a very small taste of how I characterize and perceive them. I understand the confusion, but I promise there's more to my thoughts on them than what's been written down so far.

And, like I said in the first response, I think Constance can look out for her friends and want to take care of the people around her while also having more going on. As someone who really relates to having people pleasing tendencies that have backfired and caused a lot of harm and internalized anger, but is still takes pride in being a 'dad friend' for my friends, I really get that. It's something that, like myself, I think Constance is working on so she doesn't cave to everything anyone asks of her and doesn't accept shitty treatment just to please others, but she still has a desire to be there for the people she loves and help them when they need her.

I do understand that there are certain connotations with being a mom or dad friend as well, but for me personally I think it comes down to two things. One, a matter of a person's willingness to jump to help others, and two, just a general vibe around them. I'm a dad friend because I carry Advil and extra cash incase someone forgets lunch and I jump to defend the people I love right away, but I'm also a dad friend because I wear cargo shorts and patterned button up t shirts and primarily listen to bands from the 70s and 80s.

Constance is a mom friend in part because she wants to care about people, and in part because she just has the aura of someone's mom who when you hand her a phone she holds it a foot from her face and peers over the top of her glasses to read the screen. She also won't take anyone's shit anymore and will call them out if they're treating her badly these days which is also very mom energy.

Anyway, I love Constance a lot and much of how I characterize her is based on my own experiences, so I swear it's not as one dimensional as it may come across in those headcanons. Hopefully I'll get out of the artblock armpit soon and get some new RTC art done and make some new stuff about Constance.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Lily of the Valley

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: Jason Todd dies and comes back to life. As the League takes him in, he navigates his morality and family values over the years.

Chapters: 4/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Talia al Ghul, Ra's al Ghul, Damian Wayne, Barbara Gordon, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Sheila Haywood

Relationships: Jason Todd/Original Character(s)

Additional Tags: Immortal Jason Todd, League of Assassins Jason Todd, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Protective Talia al Ghul, Good Parent Talia al Ghul, Jason Todd Needs a Hug, Good Sibling Jason Todd, Hurt/Comfort, Adopted Children, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Claustrophobia, Child Death, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Resurrected Jason Todd

Chapter Four: Peace Lily

"This one, Gēgē," Damian whispered as he took a book off the shelf. Jason lay back and let Damian sit on his lap as he read the title.

"Can you turn the page for me, Damian?" Jason requested gently. Damian made a soft noise and obeyed. Jason couldn't use his hands when spending time with Damian, but he found ways around it. Damian had a fondness for Jason that not even Talia could explain. They spent most of their days together. The boys sometimes took a nap together in mid-afternoons when Talia was busy.

Halfway through the book, Damian stopped turning the pages at Jason's request. "Damian?" Jason whispered. Damian turned and looked up at him.

"Sleepy?" Damian asked. Jason nodded. "I can tell." Jason chuckled as Damian stood up and helped him to bed. Jason held back his laugh as Damian tucked him in. Talia smiled and crossed her arms as she watched the two boys from the doorway.

"You too, baby bird," Talia whispered. Damian obeyed and lay down in his bed. Talia tucked him in, and he quickly drifted off to sleep. She kissed his forehead and whispered something that neither boy could hear. Jason, however, lay awake, watching her. "Are you too tired to talk for a moment?"

"No, I'm not too tired," Jason whispered. She crouched by his bedside and pushed his bangs out of his face.

"Your bandages are coming off soon... And soon after, your training begins," Talia informed him, "Do you have any idea what that means for you?"

Jason shook his head, and Talia continued to speak. "Jason, I'll oversee your studies. Everything from history to hand-to-hand combat," she explained, "And then my father will take over your training once you're ready to spar with others."

He smiled. "Like homeschool?" Jason asked.

"It would be more intensive than homeschooling, but it would be something like that. I'm telling you now because there might be things that happen during your training that might not make sense... It might even frighten you at times-."

"But you'll be there, won't you?" Jason interrupted as he sat up.

The innocence written all over Jason's face moved her to tears. She had to fulfill her father's wishes. Talia promised to train Jason and examine the extent of his immortality before she'd even met him. She had no idea how sweet and gentle Jason was, nor how few years he'd been alive. Talia nodded as she turned her face away from Jason. "I'll do my best," Jason whispered to get her to smile. "Talia."

She embraced him and smoothed his hair down. "And I will do mine," Talia whispered. She squeezed his shoulder as she let go. "Get some rest." Jason nodded and lay down. She pulled the blankets over him and kissed his temple as she always did with Damian.

She left them alone to meet with Ra's and plead with him for Jason's soul. It was a fight she didn't see herself winning, but she had to try. "Baba, about Jason... I don't think he's suited-."

"I'm in no mood to hear your reservations on this matter... I allowed you to doctor him in a traditional sense as you asked, but I will not permit you to waste any more of my time. He will start training as soon as his hands have healed," Ra's snapped. Talia took a deep breath.

"You've already killed him once. Isn't his blood enough? Could we compare-."

"Should I exsanguinate the boy and bathe in his blood? Or should you have me drink his blood like some crazed beast?" Ra's asked sarcastically. Talia hung her head and looked out the window. "What changed?"

"He's only a child. A fragile child. Jason could be easily broken under the pressure of what you require," Talia whispered, "I don't think he understands his own gift."

"He will understand soon enough," Ra's replied, "But I'll take his state of mind into consideration..." Talia nodded and excused herself.

"I heard your footsteps, little one," Talia whispered. Jason came out from the shadows. She turned to face him, and he walked toward her with his head hung low.

"I didn't mean-. Well, I did mean to snoop... I'm sorry," Jason whispered. Talia opened her arms and embraced him.

"It's alright... Jason did you hear anything that you-. Do you have questions about anything you heard in there?" Talia asked. Jason nodded. "You can ask me."

Jason kicked at the air and mouthed what he had to say breathlessly before speaking aloud. "What did you mean by my gift?" Jason asked. "Do I have powers? Was that what you meant?"

Talia nodded. "Jason, would you like to sit with me in the garden?" she questioned. Jason nodded, and she led him by his arm to a small garden and helped him into his shoes. "Can you explain what happened to you in the past month?"

Jason smiled up at the warm sun. He hadn't been outdoors in weeks. Jason remembered what she asked after coming to his senses. Jason explained that he got sick from the cold twice and that the hospitals made a mistake.

"That's not at all what happened. Jason, you've died twice since December," Talia whispered, "But for one reason or another-."

Jason let out a laugh. "No," he shook his head. "I-. No." He tried to take a breath but couldn't get enough air. "That's not true..."

"Jason, you died-."

"Am I dead now?" Jason questioned. Talia shook her head. "Where am I? Am I being punished?"

"No, you're not dead, and you're not being punished... This island is your new home. It's where you'll grow up. I'll get you a room and playroom if that's what you like. Do boys your age play with toys?" Talia asked as she attempted to calm him down. Jason let out a breath and smiled. The smile was for Talia. Jason liked Talia, trusted her, and Jason wanted her to like him.

"I prefer books," Jason chuckled. Talia nodded and wiped tears from Jason's cheeks.

"A library then, little one," Talia whispered. She wrapped her arms around him, and he closed his eyes. Talia frowned and held onto Jason. All she wanted to do was protect him, but that wasn't in her power. Not anymore. Jason was no longer hers to care for and love. Jason belonged to Ra's now.

[aristess]

Super Paper Roblox: Boundless Bibliopegy Designs (Pt. 1)

Each of the characters represent an aspect of bibliopegy (the art of bookbinding)!

More written information about Boundless Bibliopegy!

If you're curious on what Boundless Bibliopegy is... It's a fanfiction I've been planning for over a month now that I've just started to write! Currently at it's first chapter, I plan on getting the second chapter out soon! I try to keep updates going on a weekly basis but no promises. It's essentially your average SPR continuation. Read the first chapter here!

Now, let's get to characters. I'll cover the rest of the cast at a later point and compile everything into a singular masterpost when everything's done!

Tess Aract

Tess represents the ink that comprises the pages of a book, laying down words as the story's main protagonist. Without words to be seen, what's the point of a narrative? Tess's very involvement is what catalyzed the events of the plot.

Scriptliss

With a bookmark tail, Scriptliss represents the ribbon bookmark at the spine of the book to help one keep their place. With a desire to practice heroism, he knows what he wants to be. Though he doubts himself at times, he always keeps on going and never loses sight of his values.

Wiscara

As a sorceress of scissors, it's obvious what she represents. Like the scissors that trim down the pages, Wiscara knows what fits in the fabric of reality. With connections with Dusekkar and inherent knowledge that comes from her element, she's aware of discrepancies in reality.

Bonus material:

I think that if Boundless Bibliopegy were to be a game, it'd be your average turn-based RPG with elements of the Paper Mario and Mario and Luigi ones (albeit with more characters). I'm not exactly sure how this would work but I do plan on working that out for fun later!

Tess Aract

His high magical stat comes from years upon years worth of experience with magic. Tess is the type of character ideal for dealing magical damage on enemies, though void magic comes at a cost. Few of Tess's moves are powerful at the expense of recoil damage. (Which his health stat compensates for.)

Since he's on the weaker side in terms of defense, he's best placed in the back lines. Though, his higher health stat allows him to take a few hits here and there if you haven't expended too much of it already. Tess was never exactly afraid of death, was he?

Scriptliss

An overall balanced character with a high health stat due to his immortality. He can act as a tank for his allies thanks to this, making him viable for the front lines. As someone that focuses on physical attack, Scriptliss is sure to slice through enemies with his sword. Though, if needed he knows enough magic when in a pinch.

However, his main weakness is his low speed which causes him to strike last out of his allies and potentially even his enemies. It's important to make sure to choose your moves wisely for your team when stategizing.

Wiscara

Wiscara is a scissors sorceress that's also fairly balanced. Now, the 3 star magic stat isn't to say that Wiscara isn't worse at magic than some of her peers but rather how the scissors element combines both physical and magical prowess. Why have one or the other when you can have both!

However like with Tess, her defenses are quite low so it's important to make sure to evade attacks properly. With her portals, she's given the ability to dodge attacks easily but any mistake can leave behind great damage.

[vthewriter1121]

Beyond the stars

Chapter 1

Red with love (Juno x Fem reader)

(Disclaimer this was written before she came out)

Space, somewhere vast and limitless, held a planet that gleamed red under the distant sun. Its gravity was lighter than Earth's, allowing for miles of undulating red rock and a solitary space station anchored to its surface.

In the bustling main office of the space unit at the home office, I found myself staring at the screen, lost in memories. Juno, my childhood best friend, was aboard the in Mars mission. The last time I saw her was at our high school graduation, a day etched vividly in my mind with the scent of flowers and the warmth of spring.

The memory swept me back to that sunny day. Students buzzed around, their excitement palpable. Amidst it all, Juno's voice and her touch stood out. Her purple hair cascaded around her shoulders, and even in her graduation gown, she exuded a charm that was unique.

"(Y/N)! Pay attention!" Juno's voice broke through my reverie as she grasped my hand. I turned to her, unable to suppress a smile. "Juno, you look so adorable in your gown. Did you curl your hair just for today? Who are you trying to impress? " I teased gently, brushing my thumb over her hand. She blushed, waving off my comment with a playful flick of her hand.

"Only for you, silly. You're my one and only," she replied, her gaze soft yet intense. My heart skipped a beat, a slight blush warming my cheeks.

"Are you ready to close this chapter of our lives?" Juno whispered, leaning into my shoulder.

"Yeah... these years flew by, didn't they?" I murmured, feeling a pang of nostalgia for the years we had spent together.

"Yeah," Juno sighed softly, resting against me.

The memory dissolved as I returned to the present, sitting at my desk in the space unit's office. I refocused on my work, typing away at my keyboard, organizing missions and spacecraft deployments for the communications department. My gaze drifted to a framed photo on my desk—Juno and I at our graduation, captured by her mother's camera.

Next to the photo lay a letter from Juno's mother, handed to me the day after graduation. I remembered the mix of emotions I felt as I read it, knowing it was the last communication before Juno's departure for Mars. Suddenly my mind gets pulled into another memory.

A sudden noise jolted me from my thoughts. I glanced at my phone—it was 10 AM. Breaking news flashed across the screen: "Teen Astronaut Sent to Mars." I ignored it, my focus drawn to unread texts from Juno, received in the early hours of the morning.

3:20 AM

Juno:

"I'm so sorry for not telling you, but I got accepted for the Mars mission!! It's my dream, and I leave in 2 hours. Remember when we played pretend astronauts? Now it's real..."

3:25 AM

Juno:

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. If you had asked me to stay, I might have... You can yell at me when I'm back. I promise I'll come back. I couldn't forget about my favorite girl <3"

4:30 AM

Juno:

"They just took my official pictures. It feels surreal. I wish you were here. I just want to hear your voice again. I'm nervous, even scared... I'm just telling myself to breathe. Just like how you taught me to do."

4:50 AM

Juno:

"Blasting off soon. They're giving me final preparations. I brought a picture of my mom, auntie, you, and me. You're with me in space, too now! Haha! But my mom has something for you. She'll be home tomorrow..."

5:00 AM

Juno:

"Blast off... See you... take care of yourself (Y/N). I love you <3"

The realization hit that i'm sitting in my office chair, that the memory slowly blurred. Tears blurred my vision as I sat in my office chair, clutching the letter from Juno. Her words echoed in my mind, each sentence a testament to our shared moments and her unwavering affection. The page have not withered one bit even after five years.

"Dear (Y/N),

Years I spent with you... every single one I have in my mind. Every smile, every laugh, you have consumed every single memory. Through the sun, moon, rain, and snow. I can’t seem to get enough. It makes me sweat, 'cause you're always in my head. It turns me red with love.

So when I come home, please call my name, and I will always love you. Tomorrow is more than yesterday. I love you, I need you, and so promise me you'll never let this go."

Juno's heartfelt words cut through the pain, reminding me of her enduring presence in my life, even as she journeyed across the vast expanse of space. Her love and longing were palpable in every line, and I felt the weight of our unspoken feelings.

I wiped away tears, my heart heavy with regret for not responding sooner, for not telling her how much she meant to me before she embarked on her mission. The memories flooded back—our shared dreams of exploration, our laughter echoing through the halls of our school, and the comfort of her presence in moments of doubt.

With trembling hands, I reached for the framed photo of us at graduation, captured in a moment of pure happiness. Juno's smile was infectious, her eyes filled with determination and hope . How could I have let her slip away without telling her everything I felt?

I slowly closed my eyes as another memory rushed to my mind. Outside, the world rushed by in a blur as I raced towards Juno's house, my thoughts consumed by memories of our shared adventures .The streets seemed quieter than usual, as if holding its breath in anticipation of what was to come.

Arriving at Juno's doorstep, I hesitated for a moment, my hand hovering over the doorbell. What would I say to her mom?.Seconds stretched into eternity until the door swung open, revealing Juno's mother, her eyes red-rimmed from tears. Without a word, she pulled me into a tight embrace, her silent understanding bridging the gap between us.

"I'm sorry," I managed to choke out, the weight of my unspoken feelings heavy in the air.

"She left something for you," Juno's mother whispered, her voice thick with emotion. Leading me inside, she placed a small package in my hands, its weight a tangible reminder of Juno's absence.

Alone in her room, I unwrapped the package with trembling fingers, revealing a carefully folded letter and a photograph of us together, taken during graduation. I flipped the photograph , and The familiar handwriting on the back photo brought tears to my eyes once more.

"(Y/N),

If you're reading this, I hope you know how much you mean to me. Every moment spent by your side has been a gift, and I carry your laughter with me, even among the stars. Promise me you'll keep dreaming,

I'll be back, I promise. Until then, remember that I love you more than words can say. You've always been my guiding star, and I'll carry you with me, always.

With all my love ,Juno

In that moment, surrounded by memories and the tangible proof of Juno's love, I realized that our bond transcended time and space. Though separated by vast distances, our hearts remained intertwined, connected by a love that defied the boundaries of the cosmos.

With renewed determination, I clutched Juno's letter to my chest, vowing to cherish our memories and to wait for the day when she would return. Until then, I would carry her love with me, a beacon of hope in the endless expanse of the universe.

A voice booms over the intercom, jolting me out of the memory quickly

“J has touched down. I repeat, J from the Mars mission has touched down”

"J? J/ I thought no , wait … It’s Juno?!"

Back from the dead and Juno is play testing. Anyway might write a part two for one of my fics soon

[astorytotellyourfriends]

annual writing self-evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2023.

i. Optional if applicable: link to last year’s self-evaluation

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

as per usual that list is too long for this post so here's my 2023 fic roundup

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

far and away it has to be before i bury you purely because it was 1. SUCH an endeavor to begin with, and 2. so unbelievably different from anything i've written before. like, the criminal minds au was me dipping my toe into the pool of horror/suspense, and this fic was diving in headfirst. and i know it's not everyone's cup of tea (or most people's, tbh) but i've been so pleased with the reactions of those who have read it and i'm so, so thankful for it 💛 (honorable mentions to always have & i always will and a tender age, tho)

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

it's not that i'm not proud of it but a fic that's been hanging over my head all year is if the fates allow because god i hate that it's almost been a year since i updated it and I'VE BEEN TRYING to work on it but my brain just refuses to focus on it! i'm really hoping to finish it soon, though (and the gd pirate au too UGH).

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

man am i glad i did an ask meme like a week ago that asked this question so i can snag an answer from that rather than spending 3 hours combing through my fics lol

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

lmfao @cyraclove left this one on a snippet of the onlyfans au i sent her and it's my favorite thing ever

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

there's been a few instances of that over the last year but no specific events immediately come to mind. it seems to come and go in waves for me and all i can do is just ride it out and hope my inspiration comes back.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

ok like i swear to god i never thought i would write omegaverse and yet a tender age happened and it basically came pouring out of me and onto the page so like?? what the hell was that??? (also no i have not forgotten i promised a sequel, it's percolating i promise)

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i tried new genres!! i really enjoyed the writing process!! (even if it made me absolutely insane at times)

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i've said this a billion times before but i think next year i want to try writing original stuff alongside fic. idk if i'll finish a whole novel or what, but i'd at least like to start something.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

my friends 💛

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

not that i can think of but i did actually let my sister read some of my stuff and she told me that i have a lot of ust in my writing and (yes this is weird but she's my sister and i know she means well) that she wished i had an outlet for it irl so like. i guess that's something?

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

i always say the same goddamn thing and today i saw a post that really encapsulated that so i'm just going to copy it here:

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

as per usual, so many. i've got a bunch half-started already that i haven't shared yet and i'm really hoping to be able to get them Mostly Finished before i start posting them, so keep your fingers crossed and an eye out 👀

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@cyraclove, @medusasfinalgirl, @staceymcgillicuddy (and anybody else who would like to do this, i'm tagging u)

[newwwwusername]

i love ur owl house works! i have never done a request before, but here's my suggestion: autistic hunter struggling with his motor skills and frustrating himself, you can fill in the blanks. i am autistic and lack motor skills and have never seen that addressed in autistic hunter fics and i know I'll love whatever you come up with

Chronology : During the timeskip at the beginning of 3x01 Pairings : Camila & Hunter, Camila & Luz Headcanon : Autistic!Hunter with motor issues because of it Author's note : I've talked about this before but it's rare for me to get especially excited a request and this is one of the ones where as soon as I read it I got fuckin HYPED. I also lack refined motor skills, which I've written about with other characters and fandoms before but not Hunter I don't think so here we are

Camila really hadn't asked that much of him. She'd given a very simple chore. Hunter, can you sweep up the kitchen floor, please? she'd asked, and he was eager to help, too.

So, why was this so miserable?

It wasn't that he didn't understand the function of the broom, his hands just didn't want to cooperate. He'd seen Camila and Luz and Vee all do this task before with relative ease. What was wrong with him?

Naturally, his anxiety began to build as he struggled and failed to do the one, simple task he'd been given. Memories of similar instances flew through his head- Times where Belos would give him a simple task and he'd mess it up because his hands didn't work. Those times were always met with severe punishment, so-

"Hunter?" Camila asked as she walked back into the kitchen, only to find the floor barely swept. "Can you finish sweeping, please?" she asked patiently. Hunter wanted to cry. "I'm gonna be making dinner here soon"

"Sorry, I'm sorry" he replied a bit frantically, trying his best to continue sweeping but continuously getting caught as his hands refused to do what they were supposed to. Camila frowned as he grew more and more hysterical until he eventually threw the broom to the floor and ran out of the house.

Luz walked in because of the noise. "Is everything okay, mamá?"

"Hunter was having some sort of trouble sweeping, so he threw this on the ground and ran out of the house" she gestured to the abandoned broom. Luz mirrored her mother's frown. "I think he may be having a panic attack" Camila realized. "Can you keep an eye on the others and make sure they don't come outside while I'm checking on him?"

"Yes, ma'am"

----------

"Hunter?" Camila asked as she spotted the blonde sitting right on the backdoor stairs. He went rigid and seemed ready to bolt again. "You're not in trouble, don't worry" she was quick to reassure. "Can I come talk with you about what just happened?"

"Okay" he allowed and she smiled as she sat next to him on the backdoor stairs. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?"

"I'm sorry" he apologized, and there were tears in his eyes. Camila's heart sank. What had they done to this poor kid? "I wasn't ignoring your order, I just-"

"Order?" she asked, bewildered.

"Yeah?" he replied, equally bewildered by her reaction. "You gave me an order, and I didn't do it, which-"

"Order..."

"Apologies if that's the incorrect wording" he told her, and for a moment the tears grew a little thicker. "I promise I wasn't ignoring it, though. I just... Couldn't"

"Why?" she asked, though she seemed to just want to understand. Hunter swallowed thickly. Whenever he'd told Belos the real reason before, it hadn't ended well, but he didn't have any better explanation, so...

"My hands don't really... Work" he explained hesitantly, shutting his eyes tight as though expecting to be hit. "Like I can write or draw or flip pages in a book fine, but when it comes to certain tasks like sweeping or tying my shoes or... I don't know, that stupid cup song Luz was trying to teach us" he chuckled. "My hands just don't wanna cooperate, even though I understand how to do it"

"Oh" Camila said and he was already planning what to do if she kicked him out, but she didn't do that. He risked opening an eye and was greeted with a kind smile. "Thank you for telling me, Hunter" she said. What? "I won't ask you to sweep again"

"Wait, you aren't mad?"

"No, of course not, mijo" she replied earnestly. "You have motor issues. Why would I be mad at you for that?"

"I..." he sighed. "I don't know. I'm sorry"

"Hey, no more apologies" she nudged him gently. "You don't need to apologize for existing in my household, okay? Here, how about you come and help me cook, can you do that?"

"Yes, ma'am"

"Alright" she smiled. "I'll finish sweeping real quick and then we'll get started"

"Thank you, ma'am"

"No need"

DO NOT REPOST ON OTHER PLATFORMS!! This will be crossposted on AO3 under the same username

[tgarnsl]

for the word guessing game, how about thread, light, and leaf?

99% sure you've seen some of these before but...

thread

from my hornblower magic au where the Lydia gets stuck in the doldrums because of unresolved sexual tension

He had been no more than nineteen — scarcely more than a boy — when he had been taken as a prisoner of war to serve out his days in a Spanish gaol. His magic, weak as it was in those days, had been unable to save his ship from falling into enemy hands: for months afterwards he had dreamt of the conjured fog slipping through his fingers as he desperately tried to weave the threads of its spell tight. He had sworn off magic then, cutting himself off from it entirely: it had been more painful than he could have ever imagined, severing himself from something so intrinsic to his very nature, but he told himself that it was no more than he deserved. In time, the magic would not even come to him in dreams, so removed was he from himself, and a profound melancholy soon clouded his mind — scarcely able to sleep, scarcely able to eat, he began to fear that his magic had left him entirely. To lose his magic was unthinkable; since his earliest boyhood he had been aware of the shimmering sea of golden threads, invisible to the seeing eye, that connected all things. Once, he had felt its vitality flowing through him, but in Spain he felt it no longer. Desperate, he had done what no magician of honour would do; performed a ritual of scrying in water tainted with his own heart’s-blood. It was a dangerous game to play; to scry in one’s own blood brought clarity to the vision, but ran the risk of binding the seer to a fate he did not want. Hornblower had asked what any young man might: the path that would bring him glory. The visions in the scrying glass had been vague and nebulous, as visions ever were, but they had promised him glory and a happy life — a life he had never before imagined for himself.

—

light

slightly cheating here. from my flight of the heron stolen au:

“A letter arrived while you were away,” said Lochiel, picking up a square, sealed packet and passing it across the desk to Ewen. “I believe it is in my cousin Margaret’s hand.”

Ewen examined it, the letter trembling in his hands. Breaking the seal, he unfolded it, and cast his eye quickly over the first page and a half, which were primarily to do with the business of the estate, until he reached the words that made his heart stop in his chest.

Last week, wrote his aunt in her familiar hand, Young Iain of the Coire Daraich MacMartins went under my instructions to Fort William, carrying your Letter for Major Windham. There, he spoke with a redcoat Officer. I am sorry, my Boy. Your Major Windham died from the Wound he received at Morar, some days after he was brought back to Fort William.

The world dimmed, shifted, until all that was left were the words on the page. Your Major Windham died, Aunt Marget had written, the writing so neat and careful it could only be practiced. How many letters had she written, trying to find the right phrase? He tried to be grateful, but the grief was too strong. Once more he sat astride his garron, looking back over his shoulder at the shieling, a dark huddled mass against the lightening sky — and at the figure of Keith Windham, clutching a plaid tightly around himself, one hand raised in what might have been farewell.

—

leaf

from a flight of the heron fic I don't know if I'll ever finish, but that features a seduction attempt through bible reading (listen, Ewen is not very good, but he's trying)

“Is there nothing I can do for you?” he asked, kneeling before Ewen. “Your kindred — would you like me to write a letter to impart to them your circumstances?”

An unhappy smile twisted at Ewen’s lips. “Later, perhaps, if that signed order of yours is honoured and we are not disturbed until dawn.” His eyes lighted on the Bible. “May I—?”

“Certainly,” said Keith, handing it to him. He sat back on his heels and waited as Ewen leafed through the Bible, evidently searching for a passage.

“Would you do me a kindness, Windham?” he asked once he had found it, his voice tight. “These verses… I would very much appreciate it if you would read them to me.” Keith offered up his hand and Ewen gave him the Bible, indicating with a finger where Keith should begin reading.

“Please,” murmured Ewen, and so Keith turned his attention once more to the scripture before him.

“'And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him, and went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him. And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.”

But it was not an inn that Keith envisioned in his mind’s eye as he spoke of it, but a lonesome shieling on the slopes of Ben Loy, and it was not a man of Jerusalem lying half-dead and wounded that he had come upon, but a man of Ardroy.

“You understand now,” said Ewen softly, as Keith closed the Bible. “This is what you have done for me.”

[wondereads]

Weekly Reading Update (10/23/23)

Take this woefully late update while I get the current one written and sorted out!

Reviews and thoughts under the cut

Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare (8/10)

I do think this book is better than Angel, I just think I was too lenient on that one because of the nostalgia (I've now adjusted its rating to 7/10). I really like that the conflict in this book is split between Tessa, who is focused on Mortmain and the main plot, and Will, who has his whole curse thing going on and is a good window into the emotional conflicts. It makes this book feel much more...filled than Angel which lags in many places. Concerning the emotional aspects, while I love both Will and Jem and am well aware of how the series ends, it feels to me like Clare heavily favors Will. Will gets a very complicated backstory, a lot of plot dedicated just to him, and while Jem arguably has just as pressing of an issue, he's just so placid about it. He can be soft-spoken and kind and still have a desire to live.

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire (10/10)

This is a reread and it still astounds me how this book manages to fit an incredible magic system, an engaging plot, and some of my favorite characters ever into less than 200 pages. The concept of this book is such a unique one, and it allows for these very complex and unusual characters whose circumstances have made them very difficult to understand. Even though not every character is likable, McGuire does an outstanding job of portraying how their situations have made them this way (except Angela fuck you Angela). Despite it technically being set in the real world, and the characters contribute to this, the whole story has a dreamy, otherworldly quality to it, as if Eleanor West's home was its own pocket dimension. And, of course, I love how much queer rep there is in this book and just general willingness to portray non-romantic or atypical romantic relationships as the most important in a character's life. Now that I've reread this one, I'll finally be continuing the series.

A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon (CR, 38%)

I swear I'm enjoying this book, it's just so intimidating and I really haven't had time to really sit with a book recently. In the small bit that I've read, I like that Glorian is starting to change a little. Compared to Dumai and Tunuva in particular, she's been rather static, but I can see her starting to find her place.

Lodestar by Shannon Messenger (CR, 36%)

These books stress me out so much. Part of me is well aware that these are middle grade and we have yet to permanently 'remove' a major character, be that through betrayal, major injury, or death. (I consider a major character to be Sophie, her friends, her family, and a couple of the major adults.) However, considering the tone of the books keeps getting darker and darker, it's only a matter of time, and there's a great opportunity for it right about now. Still, any fear I have is overcome by my desire to consume fandom content for this series, so onward I push.

Binti by Nnedi Okorafor (CR, 10%)

I'm not that far into this one, but I am definitely curious. Namely, how the hell is everything in this book going to be fit into less than 100 pages. This book promises a lot, and so far it's reading like the opening to a much longer space opera-style sci fi novel. We'll see!

Gwen and Art Are Not in Love by Lex Croucher (CR, 1%)

I've only just barely started this one but I've got to hurry it up since I'm supposed to review it soon. It's been a while since I read a romance that's just a romance, so I hope I enjoy it!

[v-arbellanaris]

Since you really like Loghain, does that mean your Warden also gets starry-eyed over him? Is your Warden one of his biggest fans? (Sorry to ask, but I know so little about your Warden, just curious.)

i swear i don't mean to be so mysterious about them!!! i'll have pages and stuff up for them SOON, pinkie promise.

SOOO technically, vee verse has two canon wardens!!! and i've written a bit about kal and loghain over here in her tag! kal definitely got very starry eyed when she met him at ostagar and tbh spent the first few months post-ostagar just reeling in shock (and dont get me STARTED on ostagar in general like fucking HELL so fucked on every level), and every playthrough i've done with her where i've tried to make her kill loghain (so she can keep her alistair romance) just doesn't work. the decision just doesn't square in her head - she always walks into the landsmeet with such conviction, that she'll go through with it, that she'll get her revenge for what happened to the alienage and then she just... can't go through with it. for a lot of reasons, beyond the fact that this is like. her childhood hero.

but i assume you mean evadne because she's my canon da keep warden and honestly, evadne's very, very different. she has... very little attachment to ferelden (comparatively to kal, who is, i would say, more patriotic?). where kal is confident only when she's on the battlefield, evadne is most confident off the battlefield; she doesn't have the same kind of doubts about her sense of belonging that kal does. so when she talks to loghain in ostagar, she speaks to him as an equal, because she considers them equal. she's much more ambivalent about sparing loghain - and in my first pt for her, she didn't even really think twice before killing him so that she could place alistair on the throne as sole ruler. whenever i do an evadne playthrough she's just as likely to spare him for the sake of getting an extra warden to face the archdemon as she is to kill him for political expedience as she is to conscript him for the sake of boosting warden recruitment after the blight as she is to kill him because anora is the biggest threat to alistair's claim to the throne. she's significantly more ambivalent about loghain.

[theressomethinghappeninginparis]

I promise the next pages are less mystic than the previous ones. Yet I still have to remain anonymous, you will soon read why. I am typing this in case something happens to me. Not that I am that important, but the Monstrum is known to murder without a noticable pattern. In these tiring times what more enjoyable is there than to write an email and get an answer back?

Carvier did so and she is not tired of typing back. I got some more information but I hesitate to ask more precicely since I am unsure of my further plans. Ahead is the most important answers of her:

Transcript of the first page: - Apparently there is a trip students can take in the dig - Werner is dead, yet she still keeps him in CC - She proposes to work with my "university"

Transcript of the second page:

Werner means a lot to her and they seem to be friends. I should try to not ask her again about him and upset her.

I think she knows Lara Croft. After all she is also an archeologist and they know each other. Is there a way to redeem this?

She mentions an Arab tribe calles Jurhum which are said to have a descendant of humans and angels among them. There's barely information about them online. Is this guy alive today? Wouldn't he be fancily buried somewhere if he was dead?

Carvier mentions that Werner has some publications in his apartment and that he has an assistant, Taisha. I'll think of contacting her so I don't bother Carvier anymore. I want to get his notes out of his apartment to prove that Miss Croft is innocent, yet the room is shut by the police. No way I can get in there in secret. Is there?

Transcript of the third and fourth page:

I decide to do it. I won't rob him or break in, completely. Rather I'll try to deceive someone to open me the door and let me into the hallway. I'll take with me gloves, worn shoes with no profile, a crowbar, a knife, a camera, a fake outfit and a way to access his pc (which is not real since I have no clue how to do that).

My plan is as follows: I will mask myself as a coworker of Werner, I have the name of his assistant and I will briefly show my new Louvre ID that no one knows its look hence I can just make one up. I'll get up to the third floor if the names on the doorbells are correct. After a small chat with the person that opened the door (if necessary) I shall get to his place. I try to get the door open and look for anything on the Lux Veritatis, nephilim, Templars, the Monstrum killings. I take photos and then leave the place.

My hopes are the panic is so high that people won't notice much and the Monstrum will distract them enough. Werner doesn't live in a rich place, there's no wealthy people around and I assume they haven't set up cameras in a palce already chosen by the murderer. Right?

Transcript of the fifth page:

As I checked out Werner's house again I noticed it was abandoned. All residents have been relocated and the house is completely empty. It looks rusty and like it's about to fall apart. I guess I won't even "break in" since it's empty anyway... The garden makes for a good way in from a window, then upstairs. It seems like I can actually make it.

UPDATE: I did it. I wrote the note here in addition the the text after I went to Werner's place. I will add whatever I found in the next pages.

Transcript of the sixth and seventh page:

The sixth page you see is an exert from the Sefer Raziel HaMalakh, a grimoire ( a magic or spell book) from the Middle Ages. It is partly written in Hebrew and in Aramaic. The Angel Raziel is said to have revealed the book to Adam and it contains spells, angelology, zodiacs, names of god, and more. The non-Hebrew and non-Aramaic words are not to be deciphered or decoded and the translator I messaged has never seen it before. But he had an answer as to what it is: a "Celestial Alphabet".

The seventh page shows some examples of angelic alphabets: the "Malachim Alphabet" and the "Passage du flevre Alphabet".

Knowing this, I can say the texts are in a newly made up alphabet, the information is secret and there are no sigils, but rather real letters. I can't read the text, but at least I know what it is now.

I shall post the findings of Werner's apartment next time. I still need to examine both letters and the photos I have found. I wish there was someone whom I could share this with, it's getting out of my hand and way, way bigger than I ever imagined.

[jellochihuahua]

Keeping a promise

Last year my favorite uncle passed away, and it was pretty tough on the family. He was the youngest of my uncles, and he died far too soon. He was everyone's favorite; he was the best of us. At his funeral I got up and talked about how he'd been the bravest of us, how he'd been the one who was unafraid to follow his dreams. He was an artist in a family of engineers and doctors and we all loved how he was fiercely himself. And then he was gone. I got up and looked his young daughter in the eye and told her how he'd live on in all of us, how we all needed to honor his memory by carrying him with us in our hearts. I told myself that I needed to remember that through action. I promised myself that I would pursue writing again. That I would do something to create, instead of only consuming. So after procrastinating for a couple months, here I am, writing things down. I feel like if I just keep writing anything, it'll be better than writing nothing? Something is always better than nothing I guess. Why do this on tumblr, and not somewhere else? Maybe I'm off, but I feel like this community is more accepting of written introspection than most other sites. Plus, if I ever write something and it gets popular then maybe my little brother will see it and he'll reference it to me and I'll say "oh that's pretty interesting" while quietly smiling inside because I know a secret and he doesn't.

This post is the first step on trying to keep a part of myself alive. A tiny spark that has been sputtering under the pressure of everyday life for a decade with no oxygen. I will vomit my thoughts and feelings onto this page because to keep it down would be poison. I will do it for myself, and I will do it in memory of my mother's brother who refused to let the world choose his path for him. Maybe this is all a bit dramatic but sometimes I want to be dramatic. And so I will, here, in my own little corner. Even if no one reads what I write, I will have done the thing and I will be better for it. Here's to you, Uncle Tuan.

[gabenvrhappened]

MusicOr... Taste, Good Graces, Coincidence and Juno by Sabrina Carpenter

Favorite Lyrics (Taste): You can have him if you like ⬩ I've been there, done that once or twice ⬩ And singing about it don't mean I care ⬩ Yeah, I know I've been known to share;

Favorite Lyrics (Good Graces): Boy, it's not that complicated ⬩ You should stay in my good graces ⬩ Or I'll switch it up like that so fast ⬩ Cause no one's more amazing at turning loving into hatred;

Favorite Lyrics (Coincidence): What a surprise ⬩ Your phone just died ⬩ Your car drove itself ⬩ From L.A. to her thighs;

Favorite Lyrics (Juno): Don't have to tell your hot ass a thing ⬩ Oh yeah, you just get it ⬩ Whole package, babe ⬩ I like the way you fit ⬩ God bless your dad's genetics;

Most of the time, I listen to music in order to feel things that never happened, as a way to manifest them into my life. That's why sometimes I like to play some bad bitch songs as a cry for hope to be one. Between hookups and unattached dates, I still carry with me that hopeless desire to find something meaningful, and hope is a dangerous thing for a boy like me to have, but I have it anyway. Such a dangerous thing should be handled with care, as if made of melting glass, but I tend to grab it in a fist ready to punch my own head. You would imagine that by now, I would've learned a few things, but life is like this: there's always some lesson waiting for you around the corner.

These days, I followed a boy into the elevator when I swore I would never look at his face again. I don't even know why I did it; when I caught myself, I was already in that small space, riding from the first to the second floor with him. If I had at least acted cool and careless, then I wouldn't have minded chasing after him, but I didn't. I acted like I wasn't ready to pretend I never knew him after he had left me on read after making a promise to me. Naturally, after that disastrous encounter that, mind you, lasted not even a minute, I went home mad as hell. Mad at him for leading me on. Mad at myself for letting him lead me on. I was ready to use my first offender status to punch him in that pretty face without a care in the world. But I didn't. Instead, I spent hours talking to myself in front of the mirror, trying to learn something about that situation that wasn't new to me. And that's what hurts my precious heart the most.

During that talk, I almost sent him a written note because, by that time, obviously, I had deleted his number from my phone (funny that I found it again randomly at the gym, so there was only one thing to do right? Delete it properly this time). Honestly, I wouldn't have regretted doing it, but I'm glad I didn't. First, because he didn't care about me, and it's fine — it just shows that sending him a note wouldn't matter. Second, because after a night of good sleep, I came to the conclusion that I do what he was doing to me when I'm not interested in someone. So, fair enough... It's just human nature. My two cents about it now are: a) I won't enter another relationship with a person hoping that the end will be my bed and us naked on it; and b) if someone shows interest in me and I can't reciprocate, I will tell them, no matter how soon it is in the situation and how it could sound pretentious. I will be that good of a person.

As always, all that contextualziation was to give background on how, listening to Good Graces, one of my favorite songs off the new Sabrina Carpenter album Short and Sweet, felt nice. I was just like Sabrina. Instead of listening to it hoping to be the bad bitch, I was already the bad bitch. I realized that, just like her, I need guys to stay in my good graces because I'm sweet until the next page where you treat me bad, even after lying to myself and giving you chances to be a good boy to me. And once you cross my line, all that short hope becomes a strong hate line. Love and hate walk together, as I came to learn, and when it comes to me, they're best friends. Fine, it took me an elevating humiliation — a scene that probably made him think I was so clueless for still thinking there would be something between us —but now, after that, all that's left is hate, and I think that's beautiful. Don't you think so too?

What a Coincidence (pun intended from another incredible song on the album), then, when the next day I found him at the Abercrombie and Fitch store (my new favorite place, by the way) in a mall near our apartment. That's just such a "me" thing to happen. Guess all that was left to do was to pretend I didn't see him, while making it clear that I did see him and was avoiding him. I'm so good at that. But at the same time, it's sad because I can't help but wonder if we're not something because, from the very start, I wanted us to be something. And that's been happening a lot in my life, and like most things like that, I just want to finally learn how to stop it from happening.

All this essay to say that I'm connecting to Sabrina's new album more with each listening. At first, the fact that it's not just the name that's short and sweet, but the tracks too, was very concerning to me. And after Please, Please, Please (which I grew to like, after all, you can't not find it genius the "motherfucker" line and its delivery — but that was such a disappointment at first since it was the successor of Espresso, a song that still is my go-to song whenever I want to feel like the most powerful human being in the world, while walking like a supermodel on the streets) I wasn't expecting the album to have many bops. The prophecy turned out to be true.

The album doesn't have any strong tracks like the lead single, but songs like Taste and Juno are highlights (apart from the ones I already mentioned). I clicked with the first from the very first listen in the study room of my condo, and I think that the concept is very clever (and the music video is awesome, I mean... I gasped at that kiss). Now I can't stop listening to it, and even though it's not as strong as the lead single of the album, it's a good choice for a single. The former, on the other hand, took me a bit to get around to. Especially because of the sexualized lyrics that, just like the pictures of the photoshoot, are too much for me. Still, after a few listens, and after deliberately deciding to ignore the "horny" lyrics, I now consider it a very good song. It's cool how you can get around tunes even if at first you thought you wouldn't. I just don't get the Juno reference thing. I mean, it's a movie about unwanted pregnancy from an actor who discovered himself in a new gender. I don't know... I guess that maybe it was the only rhyme.

Even the lows on the album have good highlights. Dumb & Poetic, being an allegedly Shawn Mendes's (I mean, that's what ATRL told me anyway) track, kind of compensates for my expectation that the track would be a self-deprecating joke about her. Slim Picks, alongside Sharpest Tool, is the most annoying track on the whole project, but at least it gave us the iconic "gay awakening" line (and nothing can convince me that she didn't have But Daddy I Love Him on the back of her mind while writing this track, because of the "moaning and bitching in the kitchen" line). Lie To Girls almost closes the album with boredom if it weren't for the clever concept (I'll be honest, I love to cover the hard facts and pretend they're not true from the start) and the "love to mistake butterflies for cardiac arrest" line, so Insta-worthy. I can see myself growing to like this one because it's too relatable.

If anything, what's really not sweet, at the end of it all, is that I couldn't get tickets to her concert here in Toronto (damned Ticketmaster and its shitty server that sunny day in France), but that won't stop me from trying to get them when the day comes (if my college lets me, at least). Even with the whole sexualization thing and the Jack tracks being, unsurprisingly, boring, she puts on quite a show and does really leave quite an impression for a five-feet girl.

[scorpionsmoonlight]

Reflection

So, here we are...the start of my personal blog...Maybe I should have done some sort of outline or something before executing my first post, but you know what, FUCK IT! It's my blog and I'll wing it if I want to. Does that no fly with you...? Oh well, you'll get over it I know I already have.

Lets start with a little intro and maybe a bit of background info so we can start to filling in the picture. My name is Alex, I'm a recovering opiate addict...but lets be real here, I'm currently addicted to slamming meth, and basically doing any other drug accessible atm.

I'm in my mid thirties and currently still living with my mom. Granted I'm only living with her again due to circumstances beyond my control. You see I'm also going through a divorce from a man who felt that it was okay for him to try and control every aspect of my life. He expected that I just hand over majority of my paycheck each week for bills. Always leaving me with almost nothing, and believe it or not would still bitch me out for spending any amount of money on myself. However it was perfectly fine for him to spend large sums on anything really, but if I got mad then I was the asshole in the situation.

Anyway he was abusive in other ways as well, never physical, but any form of abuse that wasn't physically obvious I endured. He was a textbook narcissist, manipulation master, and spectacular when it comes to making a grown man feel like he's nothing with the subtle backhanded insults. Now I know what you're thinking..."if it's really that bad then why didn't you just leave?"

Unfortunately when all of your money is in your husbands bank account, and he's the only one with a bank card to access it, then you're kind of fucked. So it ultimately becomes easier to remain stuck in your living hell, finding ways to avoid your partner as much as possible. You also tend to find small ways to work around the things that are being expected of you, giving you a small moment of joy...however fleeting that may be.

Anyway believe it or not I didn't come here to rant about my stupid ex-husband...not to day at least lol. I decided to start this blog because I was sitting up in bed wide awake, with a million thought's just swarming my brain like angry wasps who think I kicked their nest. Next thing I know I'm being hit with the overwhelming urge to start writing.

Mind you I keep a regular journal, but when I realized that I had already written 5-7 pages I decided it might be time to go a different rout. Something that would give me the freedom to write as much as I wanted without constantly running out of paper.

So ultimately I guess my posts are really going to be about the current events that I'm going through and how I plan on dealing with them. I know that sounds boring, but stick it out and give me a chance. I promise you the shit that goes down in my life is anything but boring, most of the time it's truly unbelievable.

So stay tuned, and keep an eye out for new posts very soon.

Until then,

Love Peace and Chicken Grease - Alex