#i'll breathe through it and just keep trekking on but these old grievances are always tucked away inside me somewhere
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#//////////////#having a hard time this morning because i went to college for seven fucking years of torture in the hope that i could get a degree#and make some money so i can finally have control of my life#instead of always relying on other people to take care of me and having to follow their expectations for me#and here i am with no job no income no hope of that changing anytime soon living in somebody else's house#no money for mutual aid no money to fly and go see my soul sister in another country who's having a baby in a few months#when i didnt go to her wedding and havent seen her in almost a decade#it's something i've been trying to patiently accept for years but today its just really pissing me off#i really really dont want to be bitter but i do understand bitter old people more every year#i just have this underlying belief that i can have it all if i'm just clever enough to figure it out#possibly because i can't stomach the idea of giving up and accepting the things that make me die with disappointment#the buddha was right. desire does seem to be the root of all suffering#i always prided myself on my ability to be content but now i'm not sure#i'll breathe through it and just keep trekking on but these old grievances are always tucked away inside me somewhere#i've loved enough old people to know it doesn't go away#you just learn to live with it#so i guess i'm just going to have to do the same#tw vent#ls*#swearing#personal
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