#i'd still be like almost 65 by the time i finished........

[ranger-kellyn]

pouring one out for all the wips i'll never finish bc mental health is a bitch

[lizard-queen-izzy]

I Hate Everything About You

Summary: What if Jon and Tim's fight at the end of MAG 65 had gone a little differently? [Most of the dialogue is from the transcripts so obviously full credit to Jonny for those lines.] Word count: 1952 Author's note: It's finally here! Sorry to keep you all waiting, but it's here now! I would apologize in advance but, I'd have to feel remorse to apologize so.

------------------------------

The tape recorder clicked back to life. 

“Supplemental. It looks like my posting on a few of the more tech-savvy boards appealing for statements has worked. While the incident itself seems ultimately inconsequential, I was able to convince Tessa to have a look at Gertrude’s laptop, claiming to have locked myself out,” Jon turned to the now glowing screen of the laptop. “I don’t know what she did - something about “command lines’’ and “administrative privileges” - But I now. Have. Access.” he let out a slow, shaky breath. “I’m almost afraid-” he froze at the sound of the door creaking open. Tim stepped through the door.

“Hey, where did you put the-” He stopped at the sight of Jon hunched over the recorder. “Oh. Sorry. Didn’t mean to disturb you while you were being suspicious-”

“It’s fine.” Jon cut him short before he could drag this nonsense out again.

“No, no, I’ll - catch you when you’re not scheming.” He threw his hands up and backed out the door, turning and reaching to pull it shut behind him. Jon knew he should leave it at that. But he couldn’t help the words that spilled from his mouth, unfortunately, loud enough for Tim to hear.

“No need to take that tone-” Tim whipped around faster than Jon thought possible.

“What?” There was a venom in Tim’s voice, the look of disbelief on his face made something twist in Jon’s stomach. He straightened in his seat, attempting to smooth things back down to their normal levels of discomfort. “Nothing. I’ll see you later -”

“No.” Tim stepped back into the room, the door closing silently behind him. He turned the chair in front of Jon’s desk around, sitting on it. “What did you say?” He was leaning over the top of the back of the chair, still managing to tower over Jon even seated and at a distance. Jon once again readjusted in his seat, hoping he didn’t look as uncomfortable as he felt.

“I said there’s no need for the attitude, I know things have been difficult but -” Tim cut him off, again.

“Oh, they have, have they? ‘Things have been difficult?’ You’ve spent a month staring at that footage -” he leaned even closer, practically laying on the desk, “double-checking every moment, timing every tea break, looking at me like I somehow staged it - but no! You’re right: ‘Things have been difficult.’” His face was twisted in anger, his breathing was getting shallower. 

“It just seems a little too convenient!” Jon could feel himself getting worked up, could feel his composure slipping. “Excuse me!?” Tim sounded like he’d been shot. His mouth hung slightly agape, and Jon couldn’t place the look in his eyes.

“I mean, the CCTV is so corrupted that the police can’t just use it immediately, and then they happen to finish restoring it when I start really digging into the murder!? And if it was an option, why not clean it up when she first disappeared!?” He could hear himself getting louder, but he didn’t care. Tim wanted to talk, they were talking now. “And don’t get me started on the lack of cameras in the Archives - I know, I know Elias’s whole spiel about ‘signal degradation’ and ‘installation issues,’ but I don’t buy it. I mean, he got the CO2 system put in easily enough-”

“Shut. Up.” TIm’s voice cut through Jon, silencing him. He looked up to see Tim staring at the desk, teeth and fists both clenched, tight. 

“What-”

“Shut up. Just stop talking. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of you! We didn’t kill Gertrude, and no one wants to kill you, you pompous idiot!” 

“Now, listen here-” Tims hand slammed into the desk.

“No. No. You listen, for once. I was fine in research. Happy. Then you asked me to be transferred here and suddenly it’s all monsters and killers and secret passages, oh my!” He was standing now, making his way around to Jon’s side of the desk. Jon turned in his seat to face him, not yet daring to stand. “And the worst thing - the actual worst thing - is that no one here has my back. With any of it! Elias doesn’t care, Martin just wants a tea party, and Sasha - ugh - and you! - You’re treating me like I’m somehow to blame for it all, like I didn’t suffer the worst right alongside you!” His breathing was ragged now, and Jon stood to meet him. “Well, excuse me if my experiences have made me-” but Tim cut him off again, this time punctuated by shoving him backwards into the wall.

“Your experiences? Fuck you, I got eaten by worms because of you!” His fist was balled in the front of Jon’s shirt, holding him in place against the wall. Jon squirmed in his grasp, turning his head as far up as he could to try and meet Tim’s eyes. Tim’s gaze was hard and set on Jon and nothing else. If looks could kill, well, Jon was glad they couldn’t. 

“Well, what do you want? You want sympathy?” He spat the last word out, and something flashed in Tim’s eyes. His grip on Jon’s shirt tightened and he pushed him further into the wall.

“You know what, yeah! Little bit of basic sympathy would have been nice!” 

“Jane Prentiss was not my fault, I did not bring her to the Archives-”

“Oh, but you went off the deep end afterwards, didn’t you!? Everything went to hell-” He was gesturing wildly at the air with the arm not currently holding Jon in place. “-and when you actually needed to be in charge, you just hid down here and played with your tape recorder.”

“Well, what would you have me do!?”

Tim’s other arm hit the wall, caging Jon in.

“Anything! Anything that wasn't turning into a paranoid lunatic would have been fine! Anything that showed you could actually do your job!” His face was close now, and Jon could feel his breath on his cheeks. He took in a shaky breath. “Well,” he let out a strained laugh, “Elias clearly thinks-”

“Elias should’ve fired you weeks ago!”

“What!?”

“After everything you’ve pulled, you should be gone. But no! Instead, we all get to talk about how you’re feeling, because we’re worried about our stalker boss. I, I can’t do this anymore!” Tim was shaking now, and it was sending shockwaves through Jon. Jon didn’t know what to say to help, because nothing would fix this. Whatever he and Tim had had before Jane Prentiss, before the Archives? It was gone. Dead and buried and never coming back no matter how much he dug. He could stand there searching for words forever and none of them would undo the damage. So instead, he said all he could think to, knowing it would be the final nail in the coffin. “Then quit.” He heard his voice crack and prayed Tim didn’t, “If you hate it so much, leave your post in the Archives. Permanently.”

“Are you firing me?” The shock in Tim’s voice was like a twist of the knife Jon was trying to desperately pretend wasn’t driving its way through his heart. That same, unidentifiable look passed in his eyes, and it made Jon hesitate for a moment before proceeding.

“...I’m offering you a chance to quit. No notice period, I’ll even make sure you get the rest of the month’s paycheck. Just say the words.” The silence hung between them like a challenge. Neither of them moved, Jon could barely feel Tim’s breath on his face, almost like he was afraid breathing would be response enough. Tim slumped forward, forehead practically resting on Jon’s.

“I want to…” It came out more like a release of breath than words.

“So do it.” Jon’s voice dropped to match.

“I…Can’t.” His voice cracked, and Jon saw tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

“Why not?” 

“I, I can’t! I don’t know - why can’t I quit!?”

“I-I don’t know. But I don’t think I can fire you either…”

“What?”

“It’s this place.”

“...I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. I’m trying to figure it out I-I’ve got the shape of it but…” He started to reach for him, to offer him some kind of comfort, but his hand froze halfway to Tim’s arm. It hung in the air along with all their unspoken words. “I’m sorry, Tim. Truly I am. But I cannot and will not trust you. This place isn’t right - you see that now. I don’t know how or why, but there is something very wrong with the Archives. And I don’t know who here is a victim of it - and who is an agent.” The words filled the ever closing space between them, and they stung like salt in an open wound. Tim took in a shaky breath. “So… What do we do?”

“For now…? I suppose we just… do our jobs.”

“I don’t want to.”

“No.” Jon let the moment hang in the air. Let it be for a moment, acceptance washing over him. This was it, the end. Tim made no attempt to move, still gripping Jon’s shirt like a life-line, his other arm firmly planted against the wall, both keeping Jon from moving an inch. Jon’s own arm still hung in the air beside them, half extended to touch the arm holding his shirt. Tim’s grip tightened on Jon’s shirt, which he didn’t think possible, and his face twisted like he was deep in thought. “Tim, can you please let go?” His voice was smaller than he was proud of, but he was worried to speak any louder would make Tim do something rash. His eyes were unfocused, still looking down at Jon, but more vaguely than trained on him like prey. He tried again, in case he hadn’t heard him. “Tim.”

“No.”

“Please..”

“SHUT. UP!” His voice boomed with the sudden raise in volume, and before Jon even knew what was happening, his lips were crashing into his own. It was nothing like he’d imagined kissing Tim would be like, though he knew he didn’t deserve the soft, careful kisses he had imagined. He knew he didn’t even deserve this one. He let himself be manhandled, Tim’s hand moving off the wall to hold his jaw firmly in place while he kissed him. Jon let his hand finally fall against Tim’s chest. Flat at first, then eventually allowing himself to also clutch Tim’s shirt, pulling him further into him. He didn’t know how long he had, but he was going to relish in it as long as he could. Tim’s weight shifted almost like he’d stepped closer, god could they get any closer, and then all at once he was gone. He pulled back, putting some distance between them, and stared at Jon.   His face was flushed, his lips bright pink and still wet from the kiss. And that look in his eyes was back though Jon still couldn’t quite place it. Jon took in a breath, his whole body shaking from the effort, he knew he must look pathetic. Neither of them said anything, the silence between them back, but so different now. Tim shuffled further away from Jon, back towards the door.

“...I. um, suppose I’ll see you later.”

“I suppose so.” The door creaked loudly behind Tim as he shut it. Jon fell back down into his chair, slumped with defeat. So they weren’t going to talk about it, great. What was one more thing they wouldn’t talk about? Jon thought of getting up and following Tim, but he knew Tim wouldn’t want that. His eyes fell to the tape recorder, wheels still spinning. 

“End supplemental.” The tape recorder clicked off. ------------------------------

[booasaur]

Did you finish Night Country? If so what did you think of it? I loved Navarro—Kali Reis absolutely sells that stately sense capability and strength and hotness lol—and think Jodie/Kali really sold their relationship being the core of the show I also mostly loved how things played out (didn’t see the ending coming at all) but I wish the show had been given more episodes to flesh certain plots and characters out because some things felt a little superficial (it’s interesting to me that so many people were lost because I thought the show made a lot really obvious and could’ve actually used some more mystique) and enhancing them would’ve made things that much better and cohesive. But trying to find balanced criticism or commentary about this show is hard because everyone defaults to racist, misogynistic, no nuance takes on how it’ll never compare to s1 and just refuses to even see a little bit of the good. Idk I feel like you can dislike it and want better and still recognize the good aspects of this season and the value of telling indigenous stories. At this point I almost wish the showrunner had been able to make a new series like she wanted to, instead of having to be tied to the true detective name because maybe people would approach this with more honestly and openness

Hey, sorry for the late reply. Well, I know I've replied a LOT later before and mostly decided to stop saying sorry because I'd have to say every time, but at the moment, I'm having more difficulty than I used to in remembering how I felt when I finished the ep, so I wish I'd just responded at the time.

Let me see... First, I did laugh like an idiot when they took turns falling down the ice caves like idiots, especially Danvers.

Other than that, I liked the ending but it felt a bit too neat... I think if they'd changed around some stuff, it might have offered a bit more tension because, well, at that point, it seemed they'd let more killers go than caught them. Honestly that and all the quibbles I had, where I wish we'd seen some stuff seeded better and elaborated on more at the end, like you said, that all could have been helped with just giving them the two extra eps they should have gotten. I was thinking that too, at the time, lol, I remember now, when I read your ask, I went on this whole rant (to myself, in my head) about those two eps could have done so much, how the streaming model had killed TV, how these shortened seasons were basically like individual movies with an occasional sequel. I know this is an anthology miniseries and the story finished, but still! Too much is suffering for the same reason. I haven't really been able to get into a single new Trek, it's just a different form of storytelling. What can you do in 10 eps every once in a long while, with a full ensemble cast.

I literally looked up how many eps Discovery ends at and it's 65. Compare that to my home Trek, Voyager, where it flourished with new life when Seven appears. Guess when that happens. Ep 68! I literally had to chart the two shows:

Look at those huuuuge Discovery breaks.. It's not just that shows used to be given so much screentime, we just got so much so quickly. I absolutely forget what's going on in between seasons of most shows now. In terms of actual amount of time, Discovery actually lasts longer! But I barely know the characters or their stories. I can't say much different for Picard or SNW (barring what I brought in from before). There's only so much character growth and relationship evolution. How am I supposed to love them? Know them?

Maybe that's why I'm gravitating so much to soaps lately...

Anyway, it's more capitalism than just streaming, of course, which also speaks to your other point; I didn't know Issa Lopez just wanted to make a new show and they put it under the True Detective name?? But isn't that just so typical of all these issues! Like, the fact that they're making an NCIS spin-off with Tony and Ziva? They're retreating to the safest, most conservative ideas they can think of. It's happening with everything, companies dropping DEI initiatives, politics returning to big money white guys. Sticking this female-led extremely Indigenous-sympathetic premise with this particular franchise with its defensive white dudebro fanbase.

I wonder how much that's related to the obligatory bigoted backlash to any media perceived as "woke" now. It's all feeding each other, right, bad actors in each space taking advantage and fanning the flames, but it's beyond annoying now to have watched a normal show and go online and see this rabid overreaction to stuff that isn't even on the screen.

The worst part is, as you said, there's no room for the middle ground. I myself don't want to go into detail about the issues I had because there's so much unfair criticism. Like, if I thought it was a little unsubtle in its messaging at times, how can I say that when these fiends are tearing it apart for daring to even have the message. I'm just glad that Foster and Reis were so good and the show so well received that the fanboys can keep crying to each other about s1.

I will say, a huge part of that ending landing was Diane E. Benson as the older Indigenous Alaskan lady being cool as hell. She was so nonchalant and mischievous and angry as hell underneath it all! That's why I wished there was just a bit more tension, a bit more to that scene in terms of its place in the ep, rather than just its place in the story where it provided a reveal.

The handling of the killer reveal was what I found a bit pat, just being like, well, that happened, okay, bye, but the reveal itself? Freaking loved it. Those men deserved what they got and more. :<

Some things I'm glad they didn't go into more, the accident in the past, and what exactly happened to Navarro. Let me imagine she and Danvers are off together in some liminal space. :P

Anyway...I guess I did remember a lot, lol. And now we have a season 5 ahead. :)

[cindrikat]

Randomly unlocked a core memory while I was at work and I can't stop thinking about it

When I was 11-12, I watched Mewtwo Strikes Back for the first time

I had watched other Pokemon movies already, but accidentally skipped over the very first one; loved Pokemon 2k at the time and enjoyed MSB just as much, but with an added bonus of brainstorming a crazy what if idea after I finished watching it

Around that time, I was also avidly watching DBZ Kai; and just so happened to watch MSB not very long after seeing Super Saiyan for the first time

So kid me came up with the idea of "What if instead of losing the will to fight after Ash gets turned to stone, Pikachu just fucking snaps?"

Memory is a bit hazy after that because I was too busy hyping myself up after remembering it, but having the knowledge I have now I think I have the perfect vision that kid me would be proud of-

So imagine this: Once Ash is petrified, Pikachu approaches him and cries as he tries to revive him like normal, then as Pikachu's tears are hitting the ground, lightning strikes around the area, striking more frequently and barely missing people and pokemon alike Once Pikachu turns to face Mewtwo, he looks pissed, tears still streaming down his face; Pikachu then shouts at the top of his lungs as a giant lightning bolt strikes him from the sky, a call back to the ending of S1E1 where he saves Ash from a flock of Spearow When the dust of the lightning strike clears, Pikachu is looking pretty different, having grown fangs and horns, his fur frizzed out and now colored a dark saturated red-orange and white, even his own electricity changed to be red instead of yellow Pikachu hasn't technically evolved, these changes are fleeting as evident by how he looks to be flickering between this new look and his normal self at first, but he plans to fight as much as he can while he can maintain that state

Basically what I'm describing is Pikachu almost becoming Gorochu, I always imagined Gorochu being part dark type too, so that'd be a big part of how he'd be giving Mewtwo a run for their money

Hell, I even thought about Gorochu being implemented as the final evolution of a regional variant Pichu/Pikachu evolution line where Pichu stays as a pure electric type, then gains dark after evolving into Pikachu

As far as abilities go for this line, they'd still have Static as their first ability and Lightning Rod as their hidden ability, but as for a secondary ability for Pichu and Pikachu, I feel like they could make good use out of Reckless especially if they use Volt Tackle, but for Gorochu, Reckless gets replaced by Sheer Force

I like to think Gorochu would get a signature move too in the form of what I'm calling Vengeance Bolt; it's a special electric type move with 65 base power with a chance to paralyze, and its power boosts based on how many teammates have fainted, gaining 15 more power per fainted ally, pair that with Sheer Force and it'll shred through most foes when it needs to most-- and I think it'd go so hard if this move referenced Goku's angry Kamehameha; Gorochu charging up all that electricity into their arm, the color of that electricity changing from yellow to deep red and blasting the opponent with it

Okay, crazy concept hyperfixation ramble over, but holy fuck I'd love to see Gorochu become real some day

[sovonight]

Hi you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I just have a question! You know a lot more about charms than I do, I was thinking about opening custom charm commissions and ordering the charms from Vograce. I think production, if I had 6 charms/slots, would be around 40-ish dollars if I include shipping? Maybe 50? I’m wondering if you have suggestions on how much I should price per charm. At first I was going to charge just $50 per charm, $65 if someone wants two characters, but then again, I don’t want to undersell myself at all, I’ve seen artists charge from $90 up to $105 per charm commission. but I wanted to ask your opinion first. I’m always afraid to price high because a lot of people complain if anything is over $50 when it comes to artwork, but then I have this habit of underselling. One time I only charged $10 for full body full colored artwork and I really burnt myself out making almost 30 of those, it took me eight months to complete them all... and I’m afraid of repeating that mistake with charms too. I’m experienced with drawing and ordering charms and experienced in drawing commissions, but I’ve never done custom commissions for physical items before. Thank you for taking the time to read this!

(disclaimer that i haven't done charm commissions before either, but i've been thinking abt it a lot so i've been paying attention when it's discussed on the art discords haha)

to establish a starting price for the art alone, just time yourself and multiply your hours by at least minimum wage as usual (i'd start with $15/hr). then add in production/shipping cost, then consider adding in extra based on other time factors (in the bulletpoints)

in the end i'd expect at least a $100-$200 starting price for charm commissions, especially if you're drawing the charm fully custom each time. the exception is if your process is relatively quick and easy, like if you use a simple style that's quick for you or a pre-posed base that you only need to make adjustments to. in this case i could see the starting price go down to $50-$100. so if it turns out that the price you calculated based on your hours is higher than what you think your clients are willing to pay, cutting down your hourly rate should be a last resort; i'd suggest first trying to see if you can make your process shorter and faster by offering a more simple or limited design. or you can offer designs that utilize art assets you've already drawn beforehand, and just cleverly select the customizable element of the charm

other things to think abt:

consider adding to your initial time estimate by accounting for time spent formatting your files, placing the order, quality checking, etc. plus the normal commission stuff like time spent on revisions. charm commissions also often mean extra time spent messaging the commissioner compared to digital commissions (explaining choice of clasps/finishes, communicating production/shipping status, etc) so you may want to account for that extra correspondence time too

personally i wouldn't heavily discount multiple characters. maybe a 10-15% discount, but tbh no discount is normal too. if the characters are separate, they're as much work as 2 commissions, and if they're interacting, that interaction takes extra effort to plan and pose, so it's still the work of 2 commissions

bc the difference in cost is small and it adds a lot of value, i'd definitely offer the charms as double-sided. it'd be no extra work, just the same image on both sides, where one side's flipped. you could offer an alternate expression for the other side of the charm for an additional cost

if the character is asymmetric and the commissioner wants them to be correctly asymmetric on both sides of the charm, charge extra (or alternatively don't even entertain this as an option, some silhouettes are difficult to flip for this)

you could consider offering a discount if the commission is of a character with enough demand that you can reprint and sell the charm separately

remember to update your tos to cover the details of physical charm commissions 👍

and on the production end of things, these are what i immediately thought abt:

how many copies of the charm will you give commissioners by default?

how much will you charge for additional copies of the charm?

how many copies will you actually order? (do you get extra to account for flaws, or order exact amounts)?

do you cover shipping cost to the commissioner, or does the commissioner cover it?

what happens if the package gets lost or damaged--either on the way to you, or on the way to the commissioner?

what happens if the charms come in and they're flawed?

can your pricing setup cover the occasional need to order replacement charms for the scenarios above?

[internetgiraffekid1673]

Hi I'm Lauren I'm new to this app, I'm just trying to make some friends. Can i be your friend?

Hello! Welcome to the Hellsite! I'd love to be your friend! I'm flattered you seem to think I'm cool enough to consider me friend material! You can call me Giraffe or Anne. Not my real name, but close enough.

I'm pretty new to this place myself, but I've been here long enough to know it is a constant state of beautiful and incomprehensible mayhem. It's fantastic.

Ummmm. Introduction things! I'm a college student who goes to school in the middle of nowhere Mountain West and lives on the East Coast. I don't have a major yet because I don't know what I'm doing and am only pretending I know how to adult. I was a military brat, so I've lived in quite a few places and want to live in more. I have 3 older brothers and a person who could be considered my older sister. I was in the BSA (yes, I'm a girl, they let girls in, they have for a while now) and am a proud Eagle Scout. I'm also aroace and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (commonly shortened to LDS or mormon, but we're not really supposed to do that anymore because it cuts out Jesus from the name, which is kind of the most important part. Everyone on tumblr still uses those though, and it doesn't bother me, so use mormon or LDS or Latter Day Saint or whatever you want).

I like to draw, but I don't think I'm very good at it. I write a lot, but I almost never finish anything, and I post things even less freqently, cuz I'm a coward. I play the cello and the guitar, and I wish I had people who would randomly play bluegrass with me.

I love books, but I haven't had much time to read in the past year. I normally hit 20+ books a year easily, but college is great at murdering your free time. I almost exclusively read YA and middle grade fiction, especially fantasy and sci-fi, but I do branch out every once in a while. Most current book obsession is Percy Jackson, but I have so many super random middle grade novels that I love to death and could ramble about.

I don't enjoy the experience of watching movies, even if I like the movie itself, and thus, I have not seen a lot of movies. The rule is, if it is not an animated Disney film, assume I haven't seen it, and you will be correct about 65% of the time. I am a proud non-viewer of many popular movies, most notably the ENTIRE MCU. I have watched the moon knight TV show, seen some scattered clips from Spiderman: No Way Home, and seen the Spiderverse movies. These are the only marvel properties I have seen, and probably the only ones I intend on seeing.

I like comic books, mostly cuz they're both a lot cooler and a lot sillier than people expect, but I've only read scattered Robin, Batgirl, Spiderman, and Moon Knight comics. I wanna read Squirrel Girl, though. That'd be cool. My favorite Marvel hero is Moon Knight, and my favorite DC hero is Robin. Not Batman, Robin. All the robins, too. Anyone who has been Robin shares the favorite spot. This includes the We Are Robin kids, Stephanie Brown, and Carrie Kelley.

I am obsessed with a number of shows, and the obsessions fade in and out. Currently? I love the Owl House, Gravity Falls, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and Avatar (Legend of Korra and Last Airbender). I'm also obsessed with Miraculous Ladybug, but I have an unfortunate love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with the show that is shared by most of the fandom. Like, almost the whole fandom will tell you not to watch it, it's bad and disappointing, and we wish we weren't too invested to quit.

I think that's mostly it. I'm so glad to have a new friend here! Tell me all about you too, either on your blog or in my askbox. I'm excited to be your friend, Lauren!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #150

What kind of movies are you drawn to? Horror for sure, and I also like those with complex fantasy worlds. Well-written, interesting stories are what I care about most, though. Wholesome stuff is also excellent, like I'll always be a Disney and Pixar fan.

What breakfast are you most likely to have? I tend to go through phases where it's almost always cereal or a meal replacement shake.

What career field could you see yourself in? Something involving artistic expression.

What section do you drift toward at bookstores? Young adult fantasy stuff.

Do you like fried chicken? I actually hate it.

Do you think your parents are proud of you and what you do with your life? Mom tells me she's proud of me for how hard I fight and try to improve, but I feel like a disappointment regardless. I don't know how Dad feels.

Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife do.

Do you enjoy classic rock? I definitely do.

How do you discover new music? Primarily YouTube recommendations, but also Girt.

List three things that you love about your favorite season. The variety of leaf colors, the temperature, Halloween and its whole aesthetic.

Zombies or unicorns? Unicorns. :')

Candy corn or conversation hearts? omg I absolutely hate both, but candy corn is still worse imo, it's fucking wax

Brownies or cookies? Brownies, generally, but there are times I'd prefer cookies.

What are three of the most disgusting foods, in your opinion? Balut, escargot, clams.

Have you ever had a migraine? UGH yes, it's a fucking miserable experience and I'm VERY grateful they are extremely rare for me.

What’s one medication that you take every day? I take a whoooole lot more, but Wellbutrin is one.

Who was your third grade teacher? Her name was Mrs. Britt.

What’s the weather like today where you live? It's rainy all day on-and-off, and it's quite chilly for this time of year (65*F).

What is one thing you like that a lot of people don’t? Vulture culture, which is basically the use of naturally deceased animals and their parts for artistic creation. I do think it can be done distastefully, but there are breathtaking VC pieces created with much love from the artist.

What is one thing that everyone else seems to like that you don’t? Television. I've started liking it more when I'm watching stuff with Girt, but in general, it really doesn't interest me.

When was the last time you went swimming? Recently, because I did some aqua therapy at PT versus always on land.

Do you have other identities/words you relate to/associate with but don't necessarily identify as? I guess somewhat nonbinary, like gender just means nothing to me personally and I'm definitely a mix of both the traditionally feminine and masculine, but I'm perfectly fine with being a woman to myself and others, I have no interest in transitioning.

How do you want to be perceived as, aesthetically/socially? (i.e dainty, mature, strong, child-like, ethereal, etc.) Uh, strong is definitely one. I'd like to be less skittish and jumpy, and able to stay calm in tough situations. I always want to be seen as a caring person.

Does your partner share your orientation? (Do they identify the same as you?) No, I'm pan and he's straight. We're both cis, though.

When was the last time you experienced a pleasant surprise? Girt showed up with flowers when he came over last as a congrats on finishing physical therapy. <3 I had no idea, but it was really sweet.

When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? This is super super minor for now, but I'm definitely feeling my period incoming because of cramps.

What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed inside? How about outside? Hell, weeks. Maybe even around a month. Outside, I'm really not sure, but probably sometime as a kid.

Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? Girt, and yes, every time I see him.

What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? Girt and I finished watching Dark the other day; we watched all three seasons so it definitely wasn't the first time haha.

Do you enjoy Jim Carrey movies? I do, he's a really funny guy imo with fantastic and very recognizable acting skills, and from what I've heard he's a hell of a good guy too.

Do you remember what the last kind of gum was that you had? Not really, but I thiiiink some mint thing.

Do you enjoy watching shows about survival? Why/why not? They can be interesting; my mom likes watching Naked and Afraid a lot, and while you can learn some cool things, for me personally I've always found these kinds of challenge shows pointless just because of how miserable the contestants always end up. Like the psychological and physical toll you take just to say "yeah I survived in the jungle for a month despite not actually needing to" is SOOOOOO not worth it imo.

Do you have any nicknames for your significant other? Well "Girt" is already a nickname, it's just how I've always known him. He gets the usual partner petnames as well.

Have you ever set up your best friend with someone? Yes and then we flirted behind her back and he eventually broke up with her because he wanted to be with me despite not even ACTUALLY knowing each other christ I would kick 12 y/o Brittany off a fucking mountain lmfao

What’s the worst car accident you or a friend has ever gotten into? I'm not sure. Seeing the picture of my little sister's old car when she got in a wreck with a fucking 18-wheeler makes me want to say that, like the car was entirely totaled, but Nicole - thank fucking god - came out with only seatbelt bruises/scars and I think a headache and general body soreness. You would NOT have expected her to come out even alive; that was a super fucking scary day, I can still hear in my head my mom sobbing on the phone with Ashley finding out where she was and straight bulleting for the hospital. It took her a LONG time to stop crying, long after seeing that Nicole was fine. I don't think I have ever in my life seen my mom that scared and upset.

Has one of your exes ever been the cause of a breakup between you and a boyfriend? No.

What’s something that has made you realize just how much you care and love someone else? When I went into the hospital last March, I was once again freaking out over if I liked Girt in a truly romantic way, but let me tell you, the night he called me while I was there just to talk to me like I was a normal person that he cared to speak to, I fucking knew I loved him, like it was the flip of a switch. Even the staff, who knew me as the gravely depressed patient, could tell how different I was after that. I think the reason it worked that way was I just remembered calling Jason at the hospital right after the breakup when I needed to get stuff from his place, and he was just so "I don't want to be speaking to you whatsoever" and it cut me so deep, deeper than I realized until this phone call from Girt, because it was as if that suddenly healed the wound and shoved in my face, "See? This is how someone is supposed to love you." He called me almost every day while I was there, making time for me even on his work days, and it was always the highlight of that day. This guy just never gives up on me and I owe him so much for that.

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died? My sweet Teddy boy.

What’s the longest you’ve gone without talking to someone when you were mad? A few days.

How long does it take you to normally take a shower? Somewhere around ten minutes. I've never understood how long some people can regularly stay in the shower, like I'm getting clean and getting out.

Have you ever burned incense before? Yes, I like doing that.

Ever been on a picnic? No, but I really want to one day as a date with Girt, once doing so is reasonable with my legs. He was all for it when I brought it up and it made me so happy lol

Do you live with your parents? Only my mom.

What do you call them? Mom/Mama/Ma and Dad/Daddy.

Do you know one of your best friend's major secrets? I actually don't know just how much of a secret it is to his family, but I do know something he certainly doesn't openly share or brag about.

What does your best friend look like? He's tall, slim, pale Caucasian with naturally black wavy/curly-ish short hair but it's graying early like his dad (he hates it, a lot), brown eyes, and he wears pretty normal glasses.

Describe their personality in 3 words: Loyal, reclusive, and funny.

Are you weary of displaying signs of affection for your significant other around adults? Why or why not? Not at all, but also we are adults. I just don't think showing love for someone should be something you should be ashamed of.

Have you ever had red velvet cake or carrot cake? Have you ever made either of those? I enjoy both, but red velvet cake is absolutely on top. I don't bake or even just cook.

If you could see any band/musician in concert, dead or alive, who would you see? Rammstein; not only because they're my favorite, but because their concerts are legendary for how fun and impressive they are.

Are the members of your favorite band still alive? I'm stunned Ozzy is still alive lol, immensely grateful for that, but still. I know he's had at least one bandmate in his solo career to die, former guitarist Randy Rhoads, but I'm not sure about others. Rammstein's lineup is still what it's always been since they started in the 90s.

Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem is the only rapper I know of whose music isn't unordinary for me to like when I hear it.

Favorite country singer/band? Tim McGraw, probably. I do love Carrie Underwood's voice, though.

Favorite female solo vocalist? Honestly not sure, I'd have to think for a while and I don't feel like it.

Favorite male solo vocalist? Again, not so sure on the solo part, so I guess Ozzy by default. His voice is entirely recognizable, like you're not gonna mistake him for someone else, so that makes him stand out, but he's not my favorite voice ever from an audibly pleasing perspective.

Favorite female-headed band? Otep.

Favorite male-headed band? Rammstein.

Who was your favorite musician when you were a kid? Backstreet Boys were first, then Jesse McCartney.

If you had to get a tattoo based off of a movie, what would you get? I actually want a Simba tattoo one day, y'know, the art Rafiki does of him on rock with the addition of his mane and the quote "remember who you are" on it, and I'm even very into the idea of a "hakuna matata" tattoo as someone with such severe anxiety.

What book series do you like? Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland is my reading thing now.

Name one biography you’ve read? I read Ozzy's autobiography as a teen.

Do you have any reading disabilities? No, thankfully.

Who are your favorite artists? I have many, I adore Emil Melmoth's sculpture work, Mothmeister's pictures, Anastasiya Dobrovolskaya is my favorite photographer, and for actual drawings/paintings, I fucking love NukeRooster, Puffygator, Maquenda, Sandara, and Culpeo-Fox, all their social account names bc I don't know personal names.

What is your favorite period of art? I don't really have one.

Do you prefer classic art or modern art better? Both can be fantastic, I don't have a strong preference. I WILL say that I very much enjoy the sheer physicality of classic work, no tablets or fancy Photoshop brushes, etc.

Do you have any art or prints of famous artworks on your walls? No famous work, no.

If you are good, or were good, what kind of things do you/do you think you would paint? Primarily meerkats of course, probably mostly OCs in various RP scenes or just incorporated into cool concepts. I would love to be able to do this, well.

Do you consider architecture an art? OF COURSE, you can't ask an art history student this question and expect them to say no, architecture is some of the earliest and most grand forms of art.

Are you good at photography? I sure hope so seeing as I'm trying to build a career off of it. I do genuinely think I'm better than average at it, but I've still got skills to hone in and also further train my artistic eye from a technical perspective.

Do you know anyone who has ODed or died while high? Well, I didn't know him, but I know of him and care very much about it because this person was Girt's nephew's father. It's an absolutely heart-rending story.

Is weed really the gateway drug? It can be, yes; I know people who started with weed and went worse, so you can't convince me it never is.

Who are your closest friends right now? Besides my boyfriend, Mazzy and Tez.

Have you ever become legit friends with someone you met at work? No.

[finneysmediastudies]

The Digital Revolution, It's like Deja Vu All Over Again

Communication in a Post-COVID Age

When we think of the Digital Revolution, as a concept, we generally think of the latter part of the 20th century when digital solutions began to replace many of the previous mechanical and analogue contraptions of our daily lives and society. Others may think of the proliferation of the personal home computer, or of the advent the internet as a household mainstay.

I'd like to propose that we've experienced a brand new Digital Revolution. With the rise of the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent global lockdowns, many people's relationship with the internet and communication changed. As reported here by the Pew Research Center, a vast majority of the adults they surveyed in 2021 (90%) said that the internet has been essential to them since the outbreak began. This change has taken place across multiple fronts.

According to research reported on at University of Connecticut, 89% of users reported an increase in their use of social media since the start of the pandemic. This trend can certainly be seen in the US (and global) user data given by TikTok in 2020. The social media app had just under 92 million monthly active users in June of 2020, up over 200% from its under 40 million users from October of 2019, and over 800% since January of 2018, four months after the app's international launch.

For many others, the beginning of the pandemic was the first time they worked remotely from home, especially with any regularity. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics found that remote work "accounted for about 50 percent of paid work hours between April and December 2020, compared with 5 percent before the pandemic." It has also been a time of change for schooling, most especially in the K-12 setting. Data from the Pew shows that 93% of parents had children receive some form of online learning.

People have also begun connecting personally digitally more as well. Also from the Pew, many adults felt that group messaging and video calls (44% and 30%, respectively) helped them "a lot" to stay connected with family and friends. Data gathered by Juniper Research shown here finds that there was a 50% growth in video call use from 2019 to 2020.

Some may say that the Digital Revolution has come and gone, but I say nay. While its form may be evolved, the Digital Revolution is still alive and well. Almost all Americans have greatly increased and changed their reliance on and relationships to the internet and communication, across all fronts. Like the first time, we are also seeing different problems pop up.

One major issue that has come sharply into focus affects the elderly population the most: a lack of tech literacy. The Pew found that 54% of 65-74-year-olds and 68% of 75+ respondents reported having "lower tech readiness." These individuals are among those hit the hardest by a harsh transition to digital communication, and were the most likely group to experience difficulties attempting to schedule a vaccine appointment online.

Another problem has been in access to appropriate technology and internet access. This is especially clear in the Pew findings on lower income K-12 students. 46% of lower income families reported at least one of the following issues: "having to do schoolwork on a cellphone, being unable to complete schoolwork because of lack of computer access at home, or having to use public Wi-Fi to finish schoolwork because there was no reliable connection at home."

These situations call to attention something that is somewhat underdiscussed and under considered by many: while the internet age has been a major boon and allowed for greater global connectedness than ever, it also carries the baggage of our societies as a whole. While many think of the internet as a great equalizer, it often disadvantages already marginalized individuals, an issue which we must be cognizant of and ready to work together to break down.

[snakegirllovehandles]

content notice: needles, injection talk under the cut

You'd think that being on the (estrogen) needle since july I'd have gotten over my mild-ish needle phobia, but I just haven't.

My average is about 20-50 minutes from "ready to inject" (prep takes about 10 minutes for some reason), but to be truly harsh to myself I've been putting this off since morning, and I've only just now done it in the afternoon. Which isn't a habit I want to get into but it seems to be what's happening anyways. I hate this slide, it always happens to me with planned stuff. Fuckin' ADHD.

Today I managed 36 minutes from start (washing hands) to finish (bandage on). This is pretty good, but it's not quite under my self-assigned par time of half an hour. Last week was much worse, 65 minutes. The three weeks before were all about half an hour. Before that I had a few that were an hour each. And so on and so forth. I think my worst time is 2 hours? Not really important, I consider anything less than an hour to be a good week, even though I always aim for half of one.

And yet, I chose this. I choose this. I want this. I know what it's like to have to take multiple pills in a day, and I definitely don't want to mess with patches because frankly I don't want to complicate my already inadequate personal hygiene even more. I chose injection not just because there are better results reported, not just because straight E injection has cratered my T without an antiandrogen, but also because... I have ADHD. Medication compliance is so fuckin' hard for me. Every day, depending on if it's the weekend or not, I have three to five pills to take, and I just don't want to give my ADHD the ability to interfere with my HRT like that on a daily fuckin' basis. Even if it takes me an hour every friday to do self injection, it's still less time and anguish than I'll waste on taking or not taking or stressing over taking or not taking HRT pills thrice a girldamn day. Hell every week I think "god actually self injection is fuckin' easy, I wish it was time to do it right the hell now again because I'm rarin' to go!" and then I get to friday morning and I'm putting it off again, I get to friday afternoon and I'm putting it off again, I get to friday afternoon with the needle uncapped and I'm just... stuck, until I get over it, and get the needle in.

The most annoying thing is that it's not even that painful most of the time. Hell, some of my best didn't feel like anything worse than being slowly poked with a blunt pencil. Haven't had a truly painless one in a few months, unfortunately, but it's almost never bad. It's not the pain, really. It hasn't been since about september, when I really boned up and figured out what I was doing wrong (going too high or too low, mostly). The problem is that it's a fairly big needle and it goes into me and I can't look away because I'm doing it and I don't have anyone to do it for me and I wouldn't want someone else to do it for me because I have to be able to do this myself. An inch and a half is pretty scary if you think about it! it's about as long as from the tip of your forefinger down to the middle knuckle. All of that goes in and for some reason that's the part that makes me pause. I've considered switching to subcutaneous but honestly I don't think it would help. It's the "needle goes in" part that's the sticking point, I think. I usually have to look away while getting injections or my blood drawn.

Anyways it's frustrating that I'm not over this yet. I feel like I've probably gotten better because it used to be an hour every time and now most of the time it's not, but I wish it was as easy as a lot of other girls find it.

[bluheaven-adw]

Hi ive seen your art while scrolling through the trollhunters tag and i really need to ask because this is kinda weirding me out...

Is your art a result of you drawing so closely to the show it looks like the 3d models or a bad edit of the 3d models..

Because for me it looks like both and i cant tell which one it is and it confuses me each time i see your art

🤔

Honestly, this has kind of thrown me for a loop and I'm still not sure how to take this? But I'm going to take it as a compliment. And, for those interested, y'all are getting a bit if history after the jump.

Short answer: It's the first one. I draw very close to the show. It's all my drawing. I love Jim's design and strive to get as close as possible to how he looks in the show. I'm a technical realist most of the time. I also have years and years of experience in a lot of different types of art and mediums. So for fun I thought I'd do a screen grab from my current WIP while I do a little bit of quick and dirty work. I've clicked through some of the various layers, sketch, lines, finished layers... and then my ugly process for all to see lol. I'm self taught in procreate.... I have no idea what I'm doing. Usually I'd spend way more time on things.... but that would be a long ass video. A lot of my current work takes weeks. The one of Blinky reading to sleeping Jim has over 65 hours in it, and the Masquerade Ball is close to 80.

Long answer!! All of my art is my own (with the exception of one borrowed art work, which was given credit), drawn by me from ugly concept sketch (that sometimes looks vaguely like our characters.... and sometimes just circles and triangles) to polished sketch, to final line work and then color and rendering. I'm self taught, but also have some fine art background... and some in CAD and graphics and when I first started college it was with the goal of automotive design, so I'm more of a technical artist than what most people are used to. I have a background in Copics and my color and blending from those bled over into Procreate. I have medication induced aphantasia, so a lot of times need references. I've been doing sketches of Jim every night for almost a year now. There's a few speed sketch vids on my instagram (same username). I do have photoshop, but the extent of my editing skills is photoshopping aftermarket wheels on my car to find ones I liked, and it's been an ungodly long time since I've done that. I mostly have it because, prior to disability, I spent a lot of time as a photographer shooting landscapes and such, and shooting In infrared.... but I haven't touched a camera or photoshop since...... 2017? I don't even remember how to use it for the most part. Photoshop is not like riding a bike.

Trollhunters and especially Jim, are my comfort show. Helped me through some bad times... and then RotT happened basically right when I had a major surgery, and the combo really messed me up. I started sketching Jim as a way to heal from both... and well, it was all downhill from there 😂

That's probably way more of an answer than you were looking for!

[kindahoping4forever]

2021 Writing Self Evaluation

Thanks to Jess (@daydadahlias) for thinking to tag me for this!

1. Number of stories posted

15 (more than I expected tbh, given the year I had smh)

2. Word count posted for the year

84,210 solo, 109,210 counting my collab with Cass

3. Fandoms I wrote for

5SOS

4. Main pairings

Ashton/You (13), Calum/You (2)

(I struggled what to call these pairings lol. I absolutely hate calling my stories 'reader insert' or "yn" fic just because I choose to write in 2nd person - I work hard to make all of my POV characters and relationships defined and different from story to story! But Ashton/Original Reader Character sounded pretentious so idk what to call it smh 😂🥸)

5. Story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments

My 2021 output isn't entirely on AO3 yet so of what I do have posted there, Come In With The Rain takes the prize. On Tumblr, the honor goes to either Feedback or Don't Wanna Wait On It. (Feedback has the higher note count but was posted at the height of the staff bot era so I'm sure the count is greatly inflated so I always take that number with a grain of salt 👀😅)

6. Work I'm most proud of (and why)

Honestly I could put a few different stories here, without sounding too cocky, I genuinely feel like I wrote some beautiful stories this year. But the one I keep coming back to, the one I think might actually be my favorite of all time is Come In With The Rain. It feels the closest to what I saw in my mind when I envisioned writing it and it's the story that I think most accurately conveys the emotions I wanted to make my readers feel. (Like a cozy clown deeply in love 😌) I'm also ridiculously proud of When The Sun Came Up, my collab with Cass, I think we crafted a story that was equal parts thoughtful, heartbreaking and sexy.

7. Work I'm least proud of (and why)

I truly did love everything I posted this year. If I have to pick something for this question, I'd probably go with my most recent, Threw Out Our Cloaks & Daggers Because It's Morning Now. It sets the stage for an arc I've been wrestling to write for almost a year now and while I feel like it's a necessary piece of the puzzle, I'm still not sure how effective it is as a standalone or if it feels like it truly belongs in my Gardener Ash series. I struggled to write it for months and ended up combining it with another fic I had completed but abandoned because I felt it was lacking. It mostly works and I think when I finish the rest of the arc, I'll appreciate it more but for right now, I feel like I could've done better, even if I'm not sure how. (It also flopped which shouldn't skew my view of it but it does tbh 😬)

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received

Comments and reviews matter so fucking much to me, you guys. I can't believe whenever I hear that someone goes out of their way to check for updates or reads my fics multiple times. I love when I get comments telling me something in everyday life reminded someone of one of my stories, like happened a lot with A Little Bit Scandalous ("the Invisible House story") or Handprints ("the mirror story"). But probably my most favorite type of feedback is hearing that my stories felt realistic or reminiscent of an actual experience the reader had. I always want my stories to toe the line between being dreamy and fantasy based while still seeming plausible, attainable even. So hearing I've achieved that sends me to the moon. 🥰

9. A time when writing was really, really hard

I'll be honest, I can't think of a moment this year when writing wasn't really, really hard. Many of you know I live with a number of chronic illnesses and in addition to managing those, this year I've managed to add some to the list. (Cluster headaches for a month straight! Unexplained back and pelvic pain going on 8 months!) Oh yeah, and I'm still unemployed and we're still in a pandemic. On a good day, my mind is still probably 65% clouded with stress, anxiety, depression and fatigue so the fact that I wrote over 100k words? Is NUTS to me. I fought hard for every single one of them and the frustration was absolutely worth it.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

Stage!Ash was never meant to be a series nor a love story. I truly just wanted to clown over sweaty, beardy Ash being back on stage but couldn't find a hook I found interesting enough to pursue and Cass, genius that she is, suggested the "first time seeing him drum" angle, which I loved and that led me to framing Encore as a new relationship. As I wrote it, it became sweeter and softer than I ever imagined it would and by the time I was finished, I was fully invested. I've never written a "falling in love" couple before, I'm used to "still in love" established couples so it's been a fun challenge and I'm glad people encouraged me to continue it as a series.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing

I'm gonna be self-indulgent and highlight two passages 😅First, like I said, I'm really pleased with Come In With The Rain's ability to let the audience live in the characters' headspace for a while. This excerpt isn't anything fancy, isn't even the most poetic of the piece, but the narrative stillness is something new for me and painting this picture of quiet domesticity and loving familiarity was one of my favorite tasks of the year 🥰 (And if you're familiar with the fic, the scene that follows is def my fav smut I wrote this year, possibly ever tbh 😌)

You take your time washing up, enjoying the contrast of the warm water against the cool air of the kitchen and appreciating the sounds of Ashton absentmindedly singing along to his album of choice while he sits on the couch, scrolling away on his iPad. You finish and go to join him, guffawing at the sight of him clapping giddily when he sees you entering the room bearing a fresh cup of coffee for each of you.

You curl up next to him, tucking your feet under his thigh for warmth, much to his chagrin. You relax and sip your drink, watching the wind blow the trees outside the window, being entertained by Ash switching back and forth between reading you interesting soundbites from the articles he’s reading to singing along to the music in varying degrees of seriousness.

“Kinda feel like smokin’ something but honestly I don’t feel like getting up to get our shit. How’s that for lazy?” He muses with a grin.

A couple hours pass, maybe more; time really has no meaning on a day like this. The rain has ceased for the moment but the sky is still threateningly overcast, casting a dreamlike haze over the room. Ashton keeps insisting that “after this song” he’s going to get up and check the heater but he started saying that at least three albums ago.

You’ve ended up sprawled out on the couch, your head in his lap; it’s your job to change the record when it’s time but you’ve still managed to doze off here and there, so cozy and comfortable with Ash quietly singing above you, hands occasionally running through your hair or over your shoulder.

You sleepily turn over on your side, gazing at him through hooded eyes; after one too many jabs from you, he’s lost the iPad and as he sits there, one hand scrolling his phone, the other pensively scratching at his beard while humming under his breath, you feel an overwhelming flood of feelings. Love. Happiness. Peace. Desire.

You reach your hand out and caress the tops of his thighs, wanting to feel more of him underneath you, wanting to remind him you’re there. Your heart swells when you see a fond smile paint his face and he instinctively brings a hand down to rub over your arm, continuing the silent but appreciative conversation between your bodies.

This second excerpt, from To Love Him Is To Need Him Everywhere, is similar to the first - a quiet moment of reverent appreciation between partners. I've just always loved it because it follows an absurdly filthy section of the fic and then takes a sharp turn towards some of the softest, most flowery writing I'd done at that time. I feel like that duality became a trademark for me this year (for the Swift-literate, Cass has repeatedly declared this my "Lover era" 😅) and it really encapsulates what I find appealing about exploring relationships in fic (or in life tbqh).

He lays behind you, wrapping his arms around you and breathing a soft sigh of your name against your hair. The two of you lay in loving silence, basking in the contrast between the cool breeze blowing across your skin and the warmth of your lover’s body on you.

Ash is such a large presence, literally and figuratively, you love the firmness and safety of being enveloped by him. But after a few minutes, you find yourself needing more and you turn over to face him. His eyes are closed and you stop to study him, taking in every detail: how long his lashes are, how much you love the shape of his nose, how structured but soft his cheeks are, how kissable his lips always seem to look, how his sharp jawline still makes your stomach drop after all this time.

You notice the dimples that you love so much starting to form as he smiles at the feel of your stare. He opens his eyes and with a single look, he’s able to read your energy and know exactly what you’re needing. He fits his hand under your jaw and slowly kisses you, letting you lead the way, inviting your tongue to take and taste all you need from him.

He waits for you to be the one to break the kiss and then he’s gently pushing you onto your back so he can lay his head on your chest. You stroke your fingers through his hair while he uses his to trace designs on your bare stomach.

“I don’t know that I’ve ever been more grateful to be sharing a moment with someone,” Ashton says quietly, the thought still formulating in his mind. You look down to see his hazel eyes gazing fondly at you. “I’m glad it’s with you.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year

I'm really proud of myself for writing for me in 2021. I wrote ridiculously long pieces when they felt right, I wrote PWP when I had a good concept I just wanted to get out into the world. I started writing in 2020 and was fortunate enough to have a solid audience from the get-go (again, thanks to Cass) but as much as I love what I wrote that first year, I can admit now that there was probably too much consideration given to what I thought other people wanted to see from me (or didn't want to see! I toned down a lot of pieces back then tbh) whereas now I aim for my priority to be what I want to spend my time thinking about.

13. How do you hope to grow next year

There's more than a few things I need to work on: I need to stop caring so much about feedback (it's my favorite part of the process but shouldn't determine the value of a fic!), I need to trust my instincts more (taking an hour to write a paragraph because I rewrite each sentence 10 times is like, not fun or practical) and I need to more efficiently manage my time. The pandemic effectively decimated my attention span so it's hard for me to sit and write without picking up my phone every few minutes, especially when the band is in an active phase since I live a double life as a fic blog/update account and I'm always itching to find content. All these things I mentioned make writing a lot more frustrating than it needs to be and I'd like to remedy that so I can enjoy the process as much as I possibly can.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc)

The answer to this question is always going to be @cal-puddies. My best ideas come from talking to Cass, my best drafts are the ones she actively challenges me on and I probably would've quit on about half of my fics from this year if she hadn't kept encouraging me and cheering me on to finish them. I said I wrote for me this year but really I wrote for us. 🦦🦦

15. Anything from your real-life show up in your writing this year?

I definitely drew inspiration from my real life camping experience when writing To Love Him Is To Need Him Everywhere. I do in fact, have a certain fondness for rainy days. I actually went to the Global Citizen concert and honestly that made writing Stay Here, Honey more difficult because my brain refused to accept if I had to change a detail for logistics/creative license lmao. Beyond that, there's been a few times I've wondered if I've accidentally exposed myself by writing certain kinks one too many times but I won't go into specifics. 😂

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers?

No idea is too niche - if you've thought about it, someone else definitely has and will love your story. (I legit wrote a fic about getting high and dry humping in a backyard and someone called it "romantic". Your fic will find its audience lmao.)

17. Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

I'll go ahead and spill, honestly if you've read this far, you deserve a scoop: Gardener!Ash is getting pegged in 2022, if it's the last thing I do. (I've been trying to plot this arc for A YEAR but I want to do it right and dammit, I will get there!) Also, I am about 25k words deep into a Poly!Cashton series that I'm very excited about (and have also been writing/plotting for well over a year) and can't wait to share.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you'd like to read

If they feel like it, I'd love to see what @cal-puddies @talkfastromance4 @suchalonelysunflower @villainorigincal and @littledrummeraussie have to say!

[httpjupiterbby]

Prompt List

who i write for | request

Basic and Fluff

1. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

2. “I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

3. “YOU DID WHAT?!”

4. “You were put on this earth to give me a headache”

5. “YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING!”

6. “There’s people here”

7. “You look adorable even in your sleep."

8. “Is that my shirt?"

9. “Babe, you can barely keep your eyes open...let's go."

10. “I must have done something amazing to deserve someone like you."

11. “You're beautiful.."

12. “We get it. you're in love. go make out over there or something..."

13. “You have stars in your eyes. i like looking at it.”

14. “Wherever you want to go, i promise i’ll be with you every step of the way.”

15. “You could punch me in the face and i would still want you not gonna lie”

16. “So what? you’re still my [name], idiot. i don’t care about what they say!”

17. “My hand is kinda heavy, can you hold it?" "that's not how the line goes, but you're cute so fine."

18. “Oh don’t mind me I’m just enjoying the view”

19. “I made a playlist for you, come sit and listen."

20. “Why can't we stay here forever?"

21. “My heart feels like it’s dancing when I look at you.”

22. “I really want to spoil you today.”

23. “Thank you for choosing me.”

24. “I want to capture your smile, so I can always look at it.”

25. “You're so immature." "You're So iMmATuRe." "Stop repeating after me!" "StoP RePeAtiNg- no where are going, come back!"

26. “What you're doing right now is really stupid but you're so cute i can't help but laugh at it''

27. “You look like you were jealous.”

28. “Are you wearing my shirt?”

29. “Come here, I'll carry you."

30. “Let me bandage you up."

31. “Your smile is beautiful. I want to see it more often..."

32. “Give me a brush. I'll fix your hair for you."

33. “I want you, and only you."

34. “Marry me."

35. “I remember when we first met..."

36. “Last night your feet were really cold, so I found some of your socks and put them on you."

37. “I missed you... a lot."

38. “No one has ever made me feel like this."

39. “I got us matching shirts!"

40. “I want to start a family of our own..."

41. “I saw that you were almost out of shampoo, so I went and got some for you."

42. “I'd like to take you on vacation one day, just the two of us."

43. “Text me when you get home safely."

44. "C'mere, you can sit on my lap until i'm done working."

45. “I'm yours."

46. “Killing for you is my favorite hobby”

47. “I love waking up next to you."

48. “What was your childhood like?

49. “You took me to a bar where SHE is a bartender?! Are you kidding me?!”

50. “I’m pretty sure you can’t flirt!”

Smut

51. “Let me give you a reason to stay in bed”

52. “Bend over and spread your legs”

53, “Don’t fucking touch what is not yours”

54. “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.”

55. “Be a good girl and spread your legs”

56. “I wanna fuck you right against the glass so everyone can see how good you take it”

57. “Come and sit on my face and i’ll show you how much i missed you

58. “If you don’t like my teasing why are you moaning”

59. “I don’t like being told what to do unless i’m naked”

60. “You’re so beautiful all spread out like this... just for me”

61. “I bought a few pieces of lingerie. want me to model for you?”

62. “I don’t care what you do just fuck me.”

63. “Were you just masturbating?” “U-uh..no, I was just..” “Want some help?”

64. “Just let me finish this/this level and I swear ill go down on you until you cum at least three times.”

65. “I’m going to fuck your so hard you’re going to forget their name”

66. “it’s been along day why don’t we help each other unwind”

67. "you have something on your face." "what?" "me."

68. "Don't be shy now, sit on my face."

69. “I love it when you talk dirty”

70. “If we weren’t in public right now i’d have my head between your legs”

71. “Bend over the desk love”

72. “Do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

73. “Fuck you.” “when?”

74. “Touch yourself for me.”

75. “Could she/he make you feel as good as i do?”

76. "Do you ever shut your mouth?" "Only when it's wrapped around something"

77. "You insist you don't want me, but I always hear you in your room calling my name"

78. "god, you are so needy... So desperate..."

79. "When I come back, I expect your ass to be on that bed, ready for me"

80. “I won’t say this twice so listen closely… You. Are. Mine.”

81. “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice”

82. “You look so good with my hands wrapped around your neck”

83. “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh”

84. “You better watch your fucking mouth”

85. “I really don’t care, you look hot and I’m trying not to fuck you senseless right now”

86. “How the fuck did you manage to cover me in this many hickies?!

87. “We’re in public, you know”

88. “Stop dancing like that or I’m going to cum right here”

89. “You dirty, little slut.”

90. “i’m not going to stop until you’re dripping with my cum.”

91. “Don’t pretend to be so innocent, now.”

92. "You better shut that pretty little mouth before i put it to work, doll."

93. "Your ass is going to be seven different shades of red after that little stunt."

94. "If i have to pull over, you wont be able to walk for the next week."

95. “You're going to regret that, sweetheart."

96. "Don't think I'm letting you get away with that, darling."

97. "I want to see those pretty little lips wrapped around my cock."

98. “You got soaking wet just staring at me?”

99. “Do I make you nervous?”

100. “I’ve never done this before with a girl that I.. really love”

Angst

101. “I wasn’t good enough, they won’t be, and no one ever will. You’re just selfish”

102. “You hurt me and I still trusted you”

103. “I never stood a chance, did I?”

104. “You promised me.”

105. “You know I don’t like you, right?”

106. “We come back home and they still still forget about you”

107. “You’re hopeless..”

108. “You know you don’t have a chane, right?”

109. “So, you’re just going to leave again?”

110. “Don’t raise your fucking voice at me”

111. “They’re dead because of you”

112. “ Don’t be stupid, you won’t be any fun when you’re dead”

113. “When I let go, run for your life”

114. “You’re just not the same anymore”

115. “I gave you a chance and you stabbed me in the back”

116. “Maybe we could have been together in another life”

117. “I can’t love you anymore - not liek this”

118. “What happened to us?”

119. “Burn in hell”

120. “Stop crying”

121. “You aren’t wering your ring”

122. “You have no rights! None!”

123. “You’re sleeping on the couch?”

124. “How can you still look in the mirror, after everything”

125. “Did you ever love me?”

126.. “You’re hurt, let me help you”

127. “Don’t you dare call me that”

128. “You are dead to me”

129. “I want a divorce”

130. “DId you mean it?”

131. “You’ll what? Hit me?”

132. “I can’t”

133. “You’re not the person I fell in love with”

134. “Don’t apologies, just go”

135. “About that…we need to talk”

136. “Stop acting like you were ever in love with me”

137..“Till death do us part, huh?”

138. “You can have the house but I’m keeping the cat. They always liked me better anyways”

139. “How long have you felt this way?”

140. “You told me not to worry about them”

141. “You were born broken. This is your birthright”

142. “I hate how my house still smells like you”

143. “I didn’t want to believe them, because you were supposed to be different! But.. they were right. They were so fucking right about you”

144. “You should have been here earlier”

145. “I want it, and it’s killing my soul”

146. “I’m not who I want to be”

147. “I don’t even care about you”

148. “I can’t.. I can’t tell you. I can’t, don’t make me say it”

149. “You didn’t have this scar the last time I saw you…what happened?”

150. “I love you.. I do..that’s why I have to leave”

[the-obiwan-for-me]

firstly, congrats on finishing She Said the Word!!! I've enjoyed it from start to finish and I've been reading it since almost the very beginning so it's been super fun to see it come to an end!!! Would you ever consider writing that "emotional" obi-wan and satine reunion after their respective stints in jail?? I can't find it at the moment but I feel like I remember you writing something about that??? :eyes emoji: anyway!! just thought I'd ask :)) hope you have a great day!!!

Thank you for this inspiration! And sorry it took a bit of time. I definitely had wanted to include this scene in the story itself, but sometimes you have to leave stuff out for the sake of pacing and mood. So, essentially, it’s a “deleted scene” (even if I wrote it after the fact).

If anyone else wants to offer up a prompt, either from this AU or one more aligning with canon, just send it my way! I will admit, I am not always fabulous with prompts, but if I think I can wrangle it, I will.

This contains spoilers up through chapter 65, Aftermath, of “She Said the Word,” so I will put the story below the break. Hope you enjoy!

Home

Any other time, it would seem like a fairly normal visit, Satine thought as she was bustled through the Senate building, surrounded by Coruscanti Guard. But this time the guards weren’t protecting her; they were guarding her, like some criminal mastermind or fearsome warlord.

In a strange way, Satine thought wryly to herself, she supposed she was some sort of warlord now.

 Beside Satine rushed her longtime aide, Kayla, who had finally bullied her way onto a transport from Mandalore, bringing with her endless apologies on Lily getting away from her, clothes appropriate for the family to wear in the Senate, and news from home, which she now hurriedly half whispered to Satine in an odd mix of Mando'a dialects in case of eavesdroppers. The petite woman had more than made up for Lily's escape, though Satine hardly blamed her for the girl's delinquency. Somehow, through sheer force of determination and grit, Kayla had kept the government from imploding or following its duchess and Mand'alor into a foolhardy rescue attempt. 

The troopers stopped at a door, and Satine had to reach out and grab Kayla's arm to keep her from running straight into the trooper, distracted as she was as she shared nearly two weeks' worth of news and relayed, from memory, messages from clan leaders and house heads. 

The door slid open, and troopers moved to allow Satine to pass. Kayla went to follow, but was stopped. "Prisoners only."

Kayla pushed against the soldier. "But I need to speak with the Duchess. I have more news to-" 

"Prisoners only," he said again, stepping more solidly in her path. She looked up at Satine, who had stopped beside her.

"Your grace…"

"It will be alright, Kayla. You have done good work thus far, and I have no doubt you will continue to do so." She squeezed the woman's hand when she saw her eyes well with tears. "K'oyacyi, my dear friend. Mandalore will persevere. We will persevere."

Kayla pressed her lips together, clearly willing herself from letting her tears fall. She squeezed Satine's hand then bowed her head. "Yes, your grace. Oya manda," she whispered, then stepped back, letting the party cross the threshold into the room beyond.

Satine crossed through the antechamber of the conference room turned holding cell and stopped short in the archway, relief sweeping over her at the sight in front of her. Korkie and Ahsoka sat in a corner, heads close together, speaking in hushed tones, while Anakin stood near the floor to ceiling window, speaking with Fenn Rau, Greer Eldar, and Ursa Wren. At the expansive table sat Obi-Wan, methodically fixing tea for he and Lily, who sat beside him, watching him work.

At some point in her relationship with Qui-Gon Jinn, probably on one of her many heartsick nights, her mind clouded and stormy with grief and uncertainty, he had set about making them all tea, in his quiet, methodical way. He offhandedly mentioned that making tea could almost be a form of meditation. She knew Obi-Wan often thought about that, as did she. She wondered, as their daughter watched him carefully, if he had told her the same thing, to ease her fragile heart and still her frantic mind.

Satine watched them all quietly for a long moment, everyone too caught up in their own worries to notice her. That was fine. She wanted to take them all in for a heartbeat; her beautiful, strong children and her kind, brave husband. She just needed that beat to drink them in before the world crashed back down around her and she had to remember they were criminals in the mind of the Republic.

The moment paused for her, just enough, and then ended when Obi-Wan happened to glance up and caught sight of her standing there. His face passed from quiet contemplation to delighted surprise to joyous relief, and he leapt from his seat, bounding across the distance between them, and swept her into his arms. For the first time in over ten days, Satine felt like she was home. Though they were hundreds of lightyears from their physical home, locked in a conference room, treated like war criminals and treacherous beasts, this man was the living embodiment of home.

“Stars, Satine,” he breathed into her hair, and she was caught by the silly thought that she was glad Kayla had been unable to fit her normal headdress within her tight packing guidelines. “Master Windu told me time and time again that you were alright, but I’m just so glad to see it for myself.”

His arms were warm and strong, and she wished for him never to let go. She buried her head into the crook of his neck more, breathing deep. His skin smelled of the same industrial soap she had used to shower in the detention center, but the tunic Kayla had seen to him getting still held traces of the subtle warm scent of his preferred cologne. He smelled like home. 

She tried to speak, but found that no words would come, only a quiet sob of relief and fear and uncertainty that she hadn’t known she had been holding for days. “You are alright, aren’t you?” he whispered into her ear when her body trembled against him with the silent sob.

She didn’t trust her voice, so she merely nodded against his shoulder. “Good,” he said again, tightening his hold on her, rocking her gently. In turn, she wrapped her arms about his neck, holding onto him as if he could float away at any moment. 

She wasn't sure how much time passed as they stood like that, gently swaying, but he stirred her back to the present when he finally spoke again. "Everything will work out, my love. Be brave. Yes?"

She nodded against him again. "Yes," she agreed, finally managing to find her voice. She allowed herself to pull loose of his embrace, and found Lily standing beside her. She pulled the girl into her arms, hugging her tight, kissing the top of her head. "Are you well, little warrior?" she asked. Lily nodded, sinking into Satine's embrace.

"I missed you," Lily said. 

"And I missed you. But now we're together again." 

"All of us."

Satine looked up to find the other three had come over. She opened her arms and they entered the circle of her arms, trapping Lily against her. She hugged them all as best she could, her little warrior, her kind little jetii girl, and her two big Mando'ade boys. It wasn't just Obi-Wan who was home. This was home. These children. Her husband. Their love. This was her safe harbor. Her rest. Her joy.

Obi-Wan approached, and she felt the soothing weight of his warm hand against her back. "We must all be brave, now," he said softly. "There will be those who will see us fall, but we must be strong against them. Trust in the Force, my darlings. We will see this through."

Someone cleared their throat behind them, and Satine reluctantly let her children go. She turned, hand reaching out for Obi-Wan's and finding it, to find Bail Organa waiting, Padme brushing past him to come to Anakin. 

"It is time, my friends," he said, his voice somber. 

"Thank you, Bail," Obi-Wan said, straightening his back, as if preparing for a battle. Satine supposed that this was just one more battle for them. He looped her hand in the crook of his elbow, and went to lead their family toward the door, when Lily stopped them. 

Reaching up, the girl pushed a loose pin back into Satine's hair, trapping a wayward curl back where it belonged. She smoothed her hand across Satine's hair.

"That's better. Now you're ready," Lily said quietly, smiling softly. Satine kissed the top of her girl's forehead, running her hand through her long hair, left loose and brushed smooth by Padme. 

"Thank you, verd'ika. Now I am ready for anything."

With that, she allowed Obi-Wan to lead her out, holding her head high, ready to fight for her home.

[notfunnydean]

Hello!! I saw that you do requests. You were in the comment section of a post that had prompt ideas. And you asked for people to send requests, so here I am! Lol! So #65 (or whichever one is the: "Hey, just breathe, it's okay. " I think that's 65 XD) Destiel! Umm, I am thinking Castiel is the one having a panic attack because, I was thinking his wings hurt really badly, but you can also make up something as well. I'd love to see what you come up with!! So thank you! Hope you can do this! ❤

Heyy :) sorry this is sooo late. I hope you like it anyway!!  ❤

Dean groans, when the demon throws him easily against the wall. Something cracks and Dean is pretty sure that was a rib. He takes a slow breath and nods to himself. Yeah that feels pretty broken.

“Cas?”

Dean can’t see the angel anymore, but there is the angel blade on the ground. Dean had lost his own knife earlier. He hastily takes it and looks around. The room is dark, there is dust everywhere and he coughs.

Then he hears another yell and runs towards the hallway. Still no sign of Castiel or the demons, but just as Dean steps outside a demon attacks him. Dean isn’t sure if it’s the one from earlier, but this time he kills it.

Dean wipes over his forehead and his hand comes back red. Dammit, they got him pretty good. He’s at least glad that Sam is not with them, but with Eileen on another hunt. Dean always feels the most anxious when he has to look out for Sam and Castiel.

Yeah. He knows they can protect themselves, he just can’t help it.

“Dean!”

Dean hastily runs towards the garden, just in time to see the Demon use some sort of spell. That never really happened before, but it looks just like some witch magic. 

“What the fuck?” Dean mutters, when he sees the purple beams appearing. They are hitting Castiel right in the chest. Dean’s heart stops, when Castiel goes down to his knees.

“Cas!” Dean feels helpless and he tries to run faster. Just then a bright light appears around him and when Dean can finally see again, he gasps loudly. Castiel doesn’t look hurt, but…

Dean can see his wings.

They are wide open and so dark, Dean has to squint to see them and still. He swallows. They are unbelievably pretty. Dean’s finger itch to touch them. 

Damn, apparently he has a wing kink. He didn’t know that.

The demon uses Dean’s motionlessness and the next thing Dean knows is, that Castiel is screaming in agony. Dean watches helplessly when the demon cuts into one of the wings.

Apparently the Demon doesn’t even see Dean, because he can sneak up on him and pushes the angel blade into the Demon’s back. Dean coughs again.

Castiel is on the ground now, his left wing cut badly. There is no blood, but something else and Dean kneels besides him. He doesn’t really know what to do, Castiel whimpers.

“D-Dean.” Castiel cries out in pain, when he moves a bit and Dean cradles the angel in his arms, careful so he doesn’t jostle the wing too bad. Castiel is actually crying against Dean’s shoulder.

It’s almost as if he hyperventilates. And that is what gets Dean going.

"Hey, just breathe, it's okay.” Dean whispers and he presses a short kiss to Castiel’s temple. It seems like it does help a bit and Dean hums quietly one of his favourite metallica songs to him.

Castiel is still shaking, but his crying has stopped. Dean tries to look at the damage on the wing, when Castiel sits back a bit, he’s not sitting on Dean’s lap anymore. Dean shudders.

“How bad does it look?” Castiel whispers, when Dean walks around him. There is a big cut that looks badly and Dean looks around he should probably wrap it, so Castiel doesn’t hurt himself with every step.

He tells Castiel just as much and then runs back to his car. He knows there should be enough material to wrap it, he has a thin blanket that could work. Dean hastily cuts it and then looks for some branches.

“Fuck.” 

Dean would laugh to hear Castiel swear like that, but he doesn’t feel like laughing. It’s horrible. He doesn’t know what he is doing, even though he helped Sammy and himself with horrible injuries before.

When it’s finished Castiel looks miserable.

“I can’t… I can’t put them away until they’re healed.” Castiel whispers, sounding so ashamed, but Dean smiles. “It’s okay. They just make me fall in love even harder with you.” Dean says and then he stops. Fuck he hadn’t meant to let that slip. Castiel’s eyes are wide, but his pain is apparently forgotten.

Because he gets up and is kissing Dean, before he can even blink.

Not that Dean wants to complain.

[fossadeileonixv]

Milan 1 Napoli 2

Wow. Been awhile since I've had to write a post game after a league loss...

Or 245 days to be exact. It was almost 8 months to the day - 8 months and 2 days - since the last league loss vs Spezia (what a stupid fluky loss that was). *it was 249 days when this is finally got posted*

Preamble

I've been sitting on the ratings pretty much since Monday morning and I didn't post them because I was still working on the commentary section I like to write to adjoin the ratings post. Well, I didn't get a chance to finish it until just now. Why?...well, life mostly. Just too busy. Writing here isn't my day job if you can believe it (don't answer that). So, I'm going to do this a little bit different. Same player ratings but I didn't say as much (most of the time) can be found at the bottom.

We all know the final score so let's talk about what happened...

Gameplan

Oh boy, where to start. I know I mentioned some of these things in the Matchday post but they're worth reviewing because what I feared would happen, happened. Here's what I said in-full:

I half seriously pondered in the last post or so (maybe it was the comment section) that I wouldn’t mind seeing Milan show up in a 4-3-1-2 with a Tonali-Bennacer-Pobega midfield and Brahim sitting behind CDK and Giroud up front. I think this would be beneficial on a few levels: (1) it might catch Napoli off-guard and provide no recent history for how to stop Milan getting forward, (2) it gets the best players on the pitch together with Leão and Rebić out, and (3) it provides some tactical options with substitutions being that Milan is short on LWs and CFs at the moment. I don’t know, I like a coach that’s able to throw the curveball sometimes and get the other team off-balanced. I think Pioli could pull this off if he wanted. It’s ok to try something different.

That being said, it’ll probably be the regular 4-2-3-1 but it better not be Saelemaekers and Messias on the wings. Why? Because that would mean Brahim or CDK sits to start the game and I think they both need to be out there.

So let's deal with #1: to catch Napoli off-guard

Pioli's lineup decision DID catch Napoli off guard! There was no way he would have Saelemaekers and Krunic on the wings in a 4-2-3-1...right? Well. Yes. He did. And it worked to some degree. I mean Krunic spent most of his time in the middle of the pitch, so not exactly acting like a LWer, and CDK spent a bulk of his time nowhere near the top of the 18yd box. And Salaemaekers? Well he mostly stayed out on the RW, near the touchline, but that doesn't mean he did a damn thing all game (see Figure 1). The only way this makes sense is if Krunic was actually the CAM and CDK was out on LW but then every single entity I looked at for stats on this game, including the official Serie A lineup, had it wrong.

So, while this lineup did surprise Napoli, I mean Milan was on the front foot for most of the first half, it wasn't the most finesse group out there to complete the buildup with quality finishing. Speaking of...

Ok, onto #2: Getting the best players on the pitch together at the same time

Milan had 11 shots in the first half and we know they made exactly zero. Made two subs at the half, as Kalulu and Dest come in and who probably should have started (yes, even Dest) because Calabria and Kjær both got carded covering the same guy (we'll get into this in just a few minutes) so not exactly addressing the putrid finishing. Milan then had 4 more shots on goal (and yes, made zero) before Brahim and Messias came in at the 66th minute. Giroud then scored 3 minutes later with some nice quick and direct build up play from Tomori-to-Brahim-to-CDK-to-Theo-Giroud.

In the end Milan had (shots on target/shots):

First half (first 45min): 2/11

First 20min of 2nd half (min 45-65): 0/4 (2/15 at this point in the game)

Last 25+extra time of second half (min 66-end with offensive subs coming in at this exact moment) : 3/7 (this excludes Kalulu's bar rattler, so I'd actually say that's more like 4/7). Oh, and the lone goal they scored came during this timeframe

So maybe the best guys weren't on the pitch to start the game with the strategy Pioli deployed...

Now #3: providing some tactical options with substitutions being that Milan is short on LWs and CFs

Ok, so there's a two week break now, so most of the team was going to get some rest after a grueling first seven weeks of the season. Does Pioli start his most talented guys while still fitting the system as well as any other lineup? Nope. I mean, come on, is there really much difference in starting CDK at LW compared to Krunić? No and considering where the hell Krunić was playing on the pitch it was like Pioli started two CAMS who played right on top of each other. I personally think CDK should have been out at LW.

This is something Pioli hasn't been very good at - going into a game wanting to rest some guys - so he basically hopes he can sh*t-brick a lucky goal with a bunch of non-finesse players and not have to use the guys he's trying to rest. Instead what usually happens while he's trying to rest his usual starters the team he does field just isn't able to get the lead and he ends up having to put in these same guys in he's trying to rest to help salvage a point or all 3. I for the life of me can't figure out why he hasn't figured this one out yet...how about you start the game playing for the lead then sub early and often...sigh.

The the last thing I said...Because that would mean Brahim or CDK sits to start the game and I think they both need to be out there

I didn't explicitly state it in the last sentence quoted above but it's clear the point I was making was don't have a bunch of guys in there who can't finish if you're going to stick with the same high pressure/up-the-pitch 4-2-3-1. I didn't have an issue, in theory, with the lineup Pioli chose. I really didn't. My critiques rested with the assumption that IF Pioli was going to stick with the usual high pressure 4-2-3-1 what made the most sense lineup-wise after that decision was made. Clearly choosing a squad that was more brawn and work rate than finesse and finishing cost Milan all 3pts ESPECIALLY with the strategy staying the same.

That last point is worth diving into more: what lineup with what strategy.

Napoli was without Osimhen and aside from Kvaratskheila, no real threatening pace on the pitch to worry about. Pioli choosing Kjær isn't a bad play per se, but pairing him with Calabria on the same side needing to cover Kvaratskheila was bone-headed. If Kjær couldn't come in for Tomori then this wasn't the game to play him. At least not to start or at least with this gameplan. Furthermore, I didn't know Napoli would sit back. I mean it didn't surprise me with Osimhen being out. But Pioli and his coaches should've. It's their job, not mine, not yours. We have other jobs we have to attend to but they don't. The only way Napoli could cause damage would be on the counter AND countering down their left (Milan's right) and Pioli only helped their cause by having Calabria and Kjær in there.

There are obviously lots of factors to consider when designing a gameplan and an equal number of options to choose from regarding lineup and strategy. Keep in mind the default mindset here is running a high press/high pressure/high up the pitch 4-2-3-1 and anything else would be differing from this default. Here's my very basic and solid but not an all-encompassing list of...principles:

When Substituting (Substituting in this case means either starting in place of a normal starter or subbing in-game)...

A like-for-like player, meaning same traits, skillsets, speed? Keep strategy the same

A player like the one listed above but not as good? Keep it the same but don't have too many of these types out there together at the same time

Different traits? Think hard about what you're going to do. For example, Kjær is a fine player. In fact, been one of the better players when healthy for the last 2.5 years. But his strengths are his size, his physicality, intelligence, positioning, and his long ball passing. Are these needed in Milan's current system? Not really. Are his weaknesses - slowness, anticipation - a vulnerability? Yes and they only get magnified when Milan plays an opponent with pace and/or likes to counter with said pace.

If Kjær was going to play then Pioli needed to shift the strategy to one that pressed less and sat a little bit deeper. This would have protected their end better and would've forced Napoli to come out of their hole. It also would've helped neutralize Kvaratskheila, Napoli's only real threat most of the game.

The other thing this approach would have done with the lineup Pioli chose was provide an opportunity for Milan's less finesse-and-finishing types of players playing to try and finish off chances with fewer defenders around them either via the counter or just by helping to stretch and spread out a very compact Napoli side.

Finally, one last option would've been to start your normal starters, namely Kalulu and Dest (who should be starting despite getting de-pantsed), go ahead and start whoever in the midfield 3 (I would've gone Messias, Brahim, and CDK), ideally get the lead or at the minimum hold onto a point by playing your preferred system, then bring in Kjær and Calabria, maybe even Krunic, and buckle down and sit back and let an Osimhen-less Napoli try can sneak one through.

A missed opportunity by Pioli to add to his playbook with some calculated chances and changes in philosophy.

Ratings

Yes, I did do them and they've been sitting in the draft of this post for 3 days. So, if you're curious, here are my ratings for the game:

MAIGNAN 6.5 Easily the worst game of the season from him mostly because he should've - yes, should've - stopped that PK. Had no chance on the 2nd goal

CALABRIA 6 We all saw it

KJÆR 6.5 Was fine all things considered. Those things considered? Re-read the commentary above

TOMORI 6.5 Responsible for goals in two straight games in a row now and seems to be losing focus about the play around him. His teammates haven't been doing him any favors either 

THEO 7.5 One of the few better players on the day. Really capsulated a great day with a fantastic assist to Giroud

BENNACER 7.5 Best player of the entire midfield. Was absolutely everywhere and was excellent in all aspects of the game. We won't see a much better version than what we got in this game. Bravo

TONALI 7 Solid day for the partner in the double-pivot

SAELEMAEKERS 6 Back to regular Saelemaekers

CDK 6 Had a hockey assist as part of a nice build-up for the Giroud goal. And had one nice give-and-go with Krunic where he fired one back into the area for a teammate that was either behind Giroud or on it's way to the middle in front of the 6yd box for someone, with Calabria as the closest. Other than that?...

KRUNIC 7/6.5 I'm giving him a 7 on one hand because he was really good for what he is as a player. Really couldn't give more or get more out of him for that. The problem, and the reason for the second score - the 6.5 - is that he was the wrong guy in the wrong role

GIROUD 7.5 Becoming just as important as Leão, specifically with his ability to come up with big goals in big games at important moments. Love the guy

subs

DEST 5.3 *edit on 10/24/2022: after reading through comments I agree the 6 was too generous but I feel going down .5 is too little and going down 1 is too much, so I’m going to knock him down .7* Tough day for the kid. I'm not going to penalize him too harshly for the PK. I re-watched it a few times and it was for sure a PK, which I originally thought was a little soft. It wasn't a bad challenge, just unfortunate. Where I think he really struggled was with dealing with Mario Rui. Man, the wily-old vet just owned the kid

KALULU 7 Came on for a yellow-carded Kjær and was an immediate upgrade. Second time this season he damn near had an amazing goal and both would've been amazing and this one would've earned a point. Kid is a treat

DÍAZ 6.5 Came in an provided a very important direct line from the midfield and getting it forward with his receive-turn-and-run style, even though I couldn't quite figure out where he was positioned as CDL seemed to stay in the CAM role. Almost got the game-tying head in the dying minutes. Also, played well with CDK

MESSIAS 6.5 Entered the game and immediately provided much more going forward than what Saelemaekers had done. Solid shot on goal late as well

ADLI 6.5 Didn't care for his ambitious shot from distance but came in and ran well and into the spaces well and made himself available. Not sure what he's doing/not doing that isn't inspiring confidence but the game didn't look too fast for him for the first time this regular season

coaching

PIOLI 3 Yeah. Worst game tactically in a long time. I can't even think of a game he butchered as badly as this one. If you read my commentary above, you know what I felt he should've done differently. Regardless of my criticisms, #IPIT

Forza Milan

[probably-voldemort]

Hello! I'm... umm... Stray/Iris/Bells/etc./whatever and I'm a super super curious person. That's why I'd like to know 3 4 5 10 11 13 15 21 28 29 30 31 45 47 49 50 54 63 75 91 and 94. Now I realise that's A LOT so feel free to answer as many as you want. Thanks and read ya! :D

(3) Can You Whistle?

Yes!

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

That would be Welcome to the Jungle cause I watched the new Jumanji movie last night before bed (it was really good btw) and I haven’t been awake long enough to listen to any music yet.

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

Pink!

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Gemini

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Brown

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Depends on how fast I need my shower to be.  If I’m in a rush, no, but if I’ve got time, then definitely.

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“It takes eighteen months for the MAV to make its fuel, so it’s the first thing NASA sends along.” - The Martian, technically page 65 since 64 has literally two sentences on it before the new chapter starts.

(21) Favourite Animal?

Bears!

(28) What Makes You Happy?

That summer is only a few weeks away and I’m almost finished all my course work for the semester

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

Depends on what I’m doing.  I write papers better without music, but for pretty much everything else I need some sort of background noise, either music or like Friends or Grey’s Anatomy reruns in the background.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs, but only because I’m kinda allergic to cats.  Literally the only point against them, but I like breathing, so it’s kind of a big point

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

Up

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

I feel like an Imagine Dragons concert would be really fun

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Yes and no.  Like once I’m asleep, I’m asleep for the night, but it doesn’t take much to wake me up

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Nope!  Thunder storms are super cool

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

I Would - One Direction

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Him!  I don’t know his name, but he is adorable and I love him.

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Yes I liked swinging as a child and yes I still do.  Swing sets are awesome

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

I really like the sound of rain, especially when I can either curl up with a book or if I’m trying to go to sleep

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

Reading or going for a run or kayaking by myself for a while

Ask Away!