lizard-queen-izzy

[lizard-queen-izzy]

mom was describing a tattoo a girl once took her to a back bedroom to show her, which was a fishing pole low on her pelvis with a line and hook that descended into her bush where a small clownfish hid amongst the hair. and that’s just. that’s a goal. and the ultimate freedom from obligation, like “gah I would shave but it would ruin my very good joke, what are you gonna do, I gotta make sure there’s foliage for my little clownfish to hide in”

then mom finished telling me this and looked off for a moment. “my god,” she said. “she was flirting with me. fuck. goddamn it.” 

[lizard-queen-izzy]

Being the boss of a bunch of people who help feed the fear-god of Needing To Know and Paranoia must be insane. You KNOW Elias is hiring people who are barely (or not even) qualified to fill positions half the time simply because they feed The Eye better then most folk so that has to lead to some wild investigation shit. (to me, everyone in the institute is either overqualified or not qualified at all for their jobs, no matter the position and a good third of them are delinquents trying to reform but still do some illegal shit in the name of research)

You cannot convince me Tim, Sasha, and Martin were not pulling mission impossible shit on the reg just because Jon kinda said "a little more follow-up information on this case would be nice". It's already canon that Tim seduces people, Martin breaks in and enters (and probably helps Tim manipulate), and Sasha straight up fucking hacks stuff to get information, just think about how crazy they and the rest of the archives are, and we don't even hear about it. I mean shit, Rosie straight up stayed employed to a dude she knew was completely, inhumanly evil JUST because she wanted to know More (and she was scared and Compelled or whatever).

Elias just has all of these little insane academics running around and stealing, robbing, assaulting, and let's be real here, probably murdering and Elias gets to watch all this shit for fun while doing scheduling and lets it happen and intimidates the police so they don't get involved because it helps feed The Eye

[lizard-queen-izzy]

I'd very much like to punch a feminist.

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist. It’d bring me great joy.

[lizard-queen-izzy]

the first people to ever use terms of endearment for each other must have been so in love i'm in tears just thinking about it

[lizard-queen-izzy]

medically accurate muscle chart:

[lizard-queen-izzy]

There's a very specific type of excitement that happens when one of your favourite artists starts posting about a fandom they just found but that you've been in for years. An artist I like will reblog a doodle of my favourite blorbo and my cells will start vibrating at 1000 mph

[lizard-queen-izzy]

Just Like the First Time.

[lizard-queen-izzy]

i love having friends with favorite colors & shit so i can just send them random crap like yess this is pink ill show it to the pink friend this has a fish ill show it to the fish friend. fish is a color btw

[lizard-queen-izzy]

Oh sure so it's okay for Jesus to raise people back from the dead, but when I, Victor Frankenstein,

[lizard-queen-izzy]

Mrs. Claus opens "The Year Without a Santa Claus" by claiming the eponymous year took place "before you were born". Seeing as the movie was released in 1974, this means the year must have been before then.

Bounding this on the lower end is the presence of ice hockey - mentioned by Heat Miser - and the use of telephones. Ice hockey was invented in 1875, while Alexander Graham Bell built the telephone in 1876, meaning the year must post-date these. These figures give a range of approximately 100 years during which Santa may have taken his holiday.

Yet, narrowing this further is the presence of a December calendar counting the 1st to a Wednesday. Between 1876 and 1974, only the Decembers of 1880, 1886, 1897, 1909, 1915, 1920, 1926, 1937, 1943, 1948, 1954, 1965, and 1971 started on a Wednesday.

But still this can be narrowed further.

When Santa set out that Christmas Eve, we see what appears to be an almost full Moon in the sky. Within the years listed, only 1920 had a full Moon on Christmas.

Ergo, 1920 was the year without a Santa Claus.

[lizard-queen-izzy]

I need to plaster this on every surface of my house tbh

[lizard-queen-izzy]

okay i'm locking these in early i know what's gonna happen i'm calling it now

[lizard-queen-izzy]

me watching monsters inc as a kid: how did it take so long for anyone to figure out that human child laughter not only produced energy like screams, but was more effective, and that children aren’t actually dangerous at all?

me watching monsters inc now: monsters incorporated, a multi-billion dollar corporate giant, stood to make extra profits off a scream shortage because low supply with high demand makes it possible to charge a fortune for a necessary commodity and everyone has no choice but to pay the high prices because they can’t go without electricity. Therefore Monsters Inc, as well as any other major powers that may have existed at the start of the era of using scream energy, fabricated the idea that only screams could generate sustainable energy sources in order to create artificial scarcity, because laugh energy was far easier to obtain and far more efficient, and therefore stood to lower the value of energy due to surplus. They also fabricated the idea that human children were toxic, in order to a) make other monsters too afraid to go near them to do research and possibly discover the secret of laugh energy, and b) to make monsters so afraid of going near them that there is a shortage of scarers, making it harder for rival companies to rise up and create competition. Even in the monster world, capitalism is based on lies, greed and cruelty, and even monster companies have no qualms about using and abusing children to maximize profits.

[lizard-queen-izzy]

There's lots of problems with USA public education but also a lot of you were just drawing Naruto characters kissing while your history teacher tried to tell you about the Scramble for Africa

[lizard-queen-izzy]

Exercises for all the homies who want to have a long career drawing.

The true problem with being an artist and drawing all day (as I wanted my whole life) is that human backs are not designed to hold that position, so it is very common for artists and designers to have really stiff shoulder blades, creating a chain of muscle strain towards the arm AND the back… and a lot of pain.

These are some physical exercises for artists and honestly anyone who works at a desk.

(all credit to my physiotherapist)

[lizard-queen-izzy]

northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me

[lizard-queen-izzy]

just overheard my wife spelling something on the phone and i shit you not saying the words “E as in Eeyore” i am on my hands and knees wailing screaming crying pleading and begging people to learn the NATO phonetic alphabet