#i'd love to hear other peoples' thoughts too =)

[yinyuedijun]

HI CARROT (may I call you carrot?), thank you so much for the very kind feedback on this fic 🥺💗 I am so very glad that we exist in the same timeline where you decided to give this very silly piece a chance!!!

thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts in such detail!!!! I can't help but respond to some of your observations, in particular the comments around hypersexuality and sex work. hypersexuality is a topic that is heavily nuanced imo. though it can of course be an uncomplicated behaviour for a lot of people (and it is usually depicted as such in fanfic - which imo is totally fine!), It is irl also a behaviour that is often coupled with self-esteem and safety issues irl and can actually be a pretty severe trauma response. I was trying to get at those aspects of hypersexuality within this narrative and I'm very glad that your interpretation of this fic kinda matches that!

SIMILARLY I do think sex work is equally complicated. despite the glamorous representations in fiction (and sometimes reality), I absolutely agree that it is often just a means to an end. BUT I still wrote this with the knowledge that the industry is often entangled with trafficking and exploitation and psychological stress. I wanted the reader to basically be somewhere in the middle of all that context - she has been exploited but she is also a hustler within her own right nowadays (as much as suo allows her to be lol) and I'm very happy that at least some of my efforts were apparent here. I'm especially glad to hear that you felt it was thoughtful representation even from your pov as someone who's researched and worked a lot in the field!!!! I've never studied any of this formally (I'm just going off informal research and limited personal experience) so I super appreciate your feedback!

ALSO. your point about the asian parenting floored me because I didn't write this couple with that dynamic in mind, BUT I too am asian and was raised with pretty traditionally minded parents. i totally agree with the parallels you are drawing here and can't help but wonder if that was some of my personal experience and ideas of love coming thru in the fic lol... thematically it also makes sense because suo and mc had tenuous parental figures (they lost the best one they had) and really did have to start parenting each other after their master's death. so even if it was not a conscious decision to write tiger parenting... I do think you are speaking facts here LOLOL

If I could, I'd respond to all your other super thoughtful observations (THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THEM ), but I fear I will bore you with all the yapping. so I will just reiterate that I endlessly appreciate your comments and can't thank you enough for them. I will definitely be returning to them on rainy days when I feel like quitting writing haha. thank you for being so encouraging!!!

SENDING U LOVE !!!!!

TOKYO VICE | part 2

“Do you remember,” Suo begins, voice light, “how our master always talked about how important it is to engage with each other’s feelings?” You tense. “No,” you blurt out, and Suo laughs. “Of course not,” he plays along. “You were always so terrible at it. But I've been doing a bad job too, lately. So”—he reaches beneath your dress, hooks your thong with his fingers and starts pulling the fabric down your sticky thighs—“I wanted to have an honest conversation with you.” (Or: Tired of your lies and self-deception, Suo takes matters into his own hands and forces the truth out of you.)

12.8k words. suo x fem reader. deeply unserious yakuza au ft. yandere suo. mostly unrepentant smut, comedy, angst. warnings: sex work. nsft tags: afab reader, emotional sex, fingering, dacryphilia, orgasm denial, pussyjob, just the tip, creampie. suo is mean and makes you cry but there's no degradation, he's just a bastard lol. he also manhandles you a lot and you sit in his lap. dividers by @/cafekitsune!

part 1 here

You're surprised at Suo’s indifference to your sex life.

A month has gone by, and he’s made no comment on your habit of sleeping with customers, nor on the hours during which you come home—which are now even later than usual, since you have express permission to sleep with people and have no need to rush back to the penthouse after your ‘appointments’. And it isn't as if he's ignoring the reality of your late nights either. In a stunning show of respect for your personal freedom, he now actively offers to arrange for someone to pick you up from whichever love hotel you'll end up at. (You always decline, of course—if you're going to pretend to be his wife, you'd rather pretend to be a faithful one.)

Ironically, you had initially thought that Suo’s approval wouldn't matter either way. You had found the sex with your clients to be so uninspiring that it made you miss celibacy, so you were planning on stopping. But it turned out that you were deeply affected by the experience of sitting in Suo’s lap as he talked about his expectation of deciding whose cocks you should be allowed to take. It did something horrible to your sex drive, and thus you turned to work as your only outlet.

You spent around three weeks desperately trying to find a customer to satisfy your urges—or at the very least, to fuck you in a way that could get you to stop thinking of Suo whenever you got even a little horny. You were faced with utter failure in this pursuit, and in the end, bleakly resigned yourself to the reality that your shameful attraction to your best friend is incurable. You’ve now given up on the love hotel visits and simply take care of your needs with a vibrator instead. At least this way, you can actually say Suo’s name while you cum, rather than constantly reminding yourself to say your customer’s name instead.

The freedom of letting yourself fantasise about Suo has been exhilarating, but terrible for your friendship. It’s just difficult to sit across from him at breakfast and act like you haven't touched yourself at the table while he was gone, fantasising about what it would be like if he bent you over it and fucked you dumb. But you are a decent actor—hostessing demands that of you—so you don't think Suo has caught onto your carnal desires for him. Hopefully, he never will.

Another couple of weeks pass like this. Things are so calm that you come to believe that Suo is genuinely fine with you having some degree of sexual freedom, at least at work. This, however, turns out to be nothing short of naïvete.

After all, Suo is never forceful when he's upset with your decisions—but he also never fails to redirect them.

One spring evening, you show up at the kyabakura and are told that you’re only to see one customer tonight, and that it will be a private session.

“But we don't do private sessions here,” you say, blissfully unaware of your imminent suffering, “and we don't even have private rooms at this establishment.”

To this, your mamasan responds that the club is making an exception for this one guest, and that this guest has rented out the rooftop bar just to see you. When you ask just who this person might be, a look of mild panic flashes through her eyes. She grabs you by the shoulders and tells you to be careful. Just keep him happy and go home after, okay? she says. Don't go out for drinks, and definitely don't go to any love hotels. Don’t tell him your real name at any cost. You don't want to involve yourself with a man like him.

A sense of dread fills you as you step into the elevator.

A cool breeze greets you when you step onto the rooftop patio. Normally bustling with a raucous crowd, it almost feels eerie in its emptiness. Aside from the glow of the red light district beneath you and the city skyline in the distance, the only light is coming from the candles lighting one of the booths.

Your anxiety intensifies as you approach it.

You aren't very surprised at the sight of Suo lounging on a leather couch, dressed in full criminal regalia—infamous eyepatch, tassel earrings, and all. Sakura once mentioned that this club is connected to some colour gang, so you figure that the manager likely recognized Gui Yanzhao on sight. He probably suffered a minor angina when he did. The mamasan herself has no criminal ties to your knowledge, but she was probably informed that one of her girls was to entertain a high-profile yakuza, and she was likely worried that you'd been maimed in the process. Gui Yanzhao has a bit of a reputation for being a sadist, after all.

While you appreciate her concern, it is not Suo’s history of violence that scares you, but his history of antagonising you. On good days, there's nothing that delights him more than seeing you flustered or off-kilter. On bad days, there’s nothing that consoles him like spiteful retaliation against whomever's managed to piss him off—and you have, without a doubt, managed to piss him off.

You groan as soon as you see him, fearing the worst for your mental health.

“What are you doing here,” you say, and Suo smiles.

“Oh? You're not happy to see me?”

“No,” you moan. “How are you even here right now? Aren't you worried about being assassinated or something? Who did you terrorise to get an entire rooftop bar to yourself?”

“I have a very cordial relationship with all the major organisations on Keisei Street and was promised immunity during my visit tonight,” Suo says neatly. “And I didn't terrorise anyone. I simply walked into this fine establishment and politely asked for a private space to enjoy with my preferred hostess.”

Neither of you need to mention that the sight of the tassel earrings alone would be enough to terrorise someone. The manager probably felt like he was being extorted just from being on the receiving end of Suo’s smile. Actually, you currently feel like you're being extorted too.

You spend a good few moments giving him a look of open distress, to which he smiles.

“You know,” he says, “for a top-ranking hostess, you're not showing much hospitality right now.”

“Oh, for the love of—”

You force yourself to stop, remembering that you are, in fact, at work. Despite your mixed feelings about your industry, at the end of the day, you pride yourself on your work ethic. You take your job very seriously, and your job right now is to entertain your customer—even if said customer is your fake yakuza husband who is toying with you as a cat would a mouse.

Resigning yourself to a night of probable humiliation (one of Suo's greatest passions in addition to lying for comedy), you walk over to sit yourself next to him. And just like in Red Dragon’s lounge, Suo overturns the decision by pulling you into his lap. Your eyes go wide as he settles you on top of him—because unlike the intimate space of that crime scene, this is expressly forbidden behaviour at your club.

Also, unlike that other night, you are currently wearing the shortest dress imaginable and the tiniest thong you own.

You find yourself shivering as Suo's hand settles on your lower back, which is fully exposed thanks to the cut of your dress. You try not to focus on the calloused press of his fingers against your bare skin, but this is an exceedingly difficult endeavour, as his touch has been featured in your sexual fantasies for the past several weeks. Worse yet—your dress is now riding up your ass, and your thong isn't doing much to cover you. Whatever material his pants are made of—light, delicate—feels incredibly good against your thighs too.

If this continues, you might cum on the spot.

“Wait,” you say, and Suo raises a brow.

“Oh?”

“You aren't supposed to touch the hostesses here.”

He smiles. “I'm sure this place might be able to make an exception for me. But only if you are personally willing to, of course.”

“...”

Making an exception for him, in your current situation, would be among the worst decisions you've ever made. But after two of the most sexually frustrating months of your life, you’re ready to make horrible decisions.

“Fine,” you say. “But you better not cheap out on the drinks. The mamasan will only overlook this if you make it worth our while.”

“Of course,” Suo says. “Though I think she’d overlook a lot of things for me regardless.”

Suo makes good on his promise and orders a great deal of alcohol. All top shelf, of course. He laughs that his goal is to bring you to the number 1 ranking with his patronage alone tonight. It’s a hideous display of wealth.

As you pour him an absurdly expensive drink (a Hibiki 30 year-old blended whiskey), you reminisce on how little money you both used to have as teens. He had to be so careful with his wallet whenever he felt like visiting you—or rather, checking in on you—at work. Especially after your master passed. The two of you were very good about staying financially independent, but there was something comforting about your master’s promise to support you if anything ever happened.

With him gone, you and Suo had only financial paranoia and each other.

You guess that might have affected Suo more than you thought. Perhaps he didn't join the yakuza to spite you, but to support you. Certainly, he seems to enjoy spoiling you right now—treating you to drinks that would easily clear a year of his salary as a teen, buying out an entire night of your time at a high end club, renting out a whole floor just so that he can have you to himself. When you point out that his tab must be getting catastrophic, he only laughs.

“I did always say that I wanted to spend money on you,” he recalls. It had been a running joke during your days at the girls’ bar, when you scolded him for paying 3000¥ per hour just to visit you. You hated that he was wasting money on the red light district; he always replied that it wasn't a waste, because it was money spent to see you.

You feel your stomach flutter at the comment. You didn't think he'd remember words from so long ago. As a teenager, you had a tendency of clinging onto small, inconsequential moments with him because they brought you so much joy. You’ve always assumed he would have forgotten them, writing them off as instances of shallow teasing—but if he remembers, then surely they meant something to him too?

This would all make you feel sentimental if you weren't outrageously horny.

Suo has kept you on his lap the whole evening, even as you pour him drinks. Every movement to serve him has you involuntarily rubbing on his thigh, and you're quite certain at this point that he's been lifting your skirt up inch by inch with every casual touch on your waist. You don't bother accusing him of it, though. He'd just give you an innocent look and say that it was an accident. What a horrible man.

Accident or not though, it doesn't change the fact that your nearly bare cunt is pressed right against him. You keep trying to shift positions to pull down your skirt or lift yourself off him, but each attempt only makes it worse—brings the soft fabric of his pants right against your pussy, or makes your clit drag against his thigh, with only your thong separating your bodies. You try to suppress your arousal, but to your overwhelming horror, you can't seem to control yourself. You feel yourself getting wet, folds quickly becoming slick as you’re forced to grind on him. Your body, already warm from all the cocktails and shots, grows even hotter as you squirm on his lap.

In a desperate move to regain some control, you fully get up to reach for another drink. But then you feel a pair of hands on your waist, and Suo pulls you back onto his leg—this time forcing you to straddle it. You can't help the whimper that leaves you as your dripping cunt is spread and pressed against him, your clit throbbing against his thigh.

You pray that he doesn't notice the noise, so of course he does.

“Hm? Is something wrong?” Suo’s hand drifts over your waist and down to your thigh, where it ghosts over your bare skin. He leans in, and his voice is silky as he speaks into your ear: “You're moving around a lot. Do you need to get up?”

He’s giving you an out. It's quite considerate of him, as staying like this would not be a good decision. But for better or worse, you have a tendency to make bad ones.

“...no, I'm fine.”

“Good,” he says. “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable at all. I'm happy to move if you'd like.”

As if demonstrating, Suo shifts the leg you're sitting on, directly rubbing it against your core. You try not to shudder, feeling yourself get even wetter, clenching around nothing.

Trying to ignore how empty you are, you grasp for other topics of conversation, something to distract you. A little scrambled from the alcohol and catastrophically aroused, you of course land on the one that's been making your sex drive unmanageable.

“Remember a month ago,” you say, “how you talked about choosing who gets to touch me?”

“Yes.” His palm is warm against your thigh. He isn't moving it, so there's plausible deniability, but the amused tone of his voice suggests that he knows what he's doing. “Does that bother you?”

Of course it should bother you. It's a level of control that's appalling even to your anxiously-attached ass. But it’s also making you wetter right now. You try not to cry—from misery or sexual frustration, you're not sure.

“Well, yeah. Come on, Suo—even you should know that's really weird of you.”

“I do,” he says, smiling like he isn't admitting to deranged behaviour. “But how else am I supposed to know you're safe? Or even aside from being safe—if your needs are being met.” His hand runs up and down your thigh before settling at the hem of your dress. “I wouldn't want you to go unsatisfied. Who knows what kind of people you'd seek out if that happened.”

You actively stop yourself from putting your face in your hands. The gall of him saying this after forcing you into extended celibacy is beyond words, especially as you're being forced to rub up on him, effectively ruining every attempt you've made not to think about him sexually for the past several years. There are many materially consequential reasons for your decision to not fuck Suo—you should not be soaked through your panties, your thighs sticky with need, as you sit on his lap.

“That's,” you say lamely, “not very normal of you.” Trying for a less sensual conversation, you go for the reliable topic Sakura’s romance radar: “Also, if satisfaction was your concern, why did you choose Sakura? I love that guy a lot, but he has literally no experience. And I think he'd blue-screen trying to keep a friend with benefits. You know he can't handle a fuckbuddy.”

You are not trying to be mean. What Sakura objectively needs for his first time is someone sweet and emotionally competent and, most importantly, not an absolute freak like you. This is a failure of your character, not his.

You can hear Suo’s smile in his reply: “I don't think you're giving him enough credit.”

“He has the social skills of a feral cat.”

Suo genuinely laughs. “Sure, when he first came to Makochi. But he's much better now. Plus, you have no room to talk. I mean”—his breath sweeps over your ear—“you used to be pretty wild yourself. I've just domesticated you is all… though you've been misbehaving lately.”

His words do something horrible to you. Trying to distract yourself from the mounting sexual tension, you turn to him to give him a biting retort, but you're abruptly stopped by the look in his eye. Distinctly hungry and unrepentant in its desire, his gaze roams openly and shamelessly along the curves of your body.

You feel like you're being eaten alive.

Plenty of customers have looked at you in such a way when you wear this outfit, but none have had this effect on you—which is to say, making you clench immediately.

You try not to cry. You actually will cum on the spot at this rate, and you don't think you could be subtle about it. You're barely keeping it together right now, with how your pussy keeps fluttering and dripping. Coupled with the way that the alcohol is melting the edges of your self-control, you're shocked you haven't at least moaned yet.

In a last ditch effort to save your friendship, as well as your rental (house arrest) situation, you slap a hand over his mouth.

“Stop that.”

Suo laughs. He grabs your wrist, lifts your palm away. “Why?”

Why? Because if you keep talking like that, I'll bend over and start begging you to fuck me! you think. But even in your inebriated, horny state, it feels like a poor idea to admit this aloud. You end up saying, “Hostesses aren't paid to flirt like this. Strictly speaking, we’re paid to be conversational partners.” You frown at him. “You're breaking a lot of club rules right now.”

This reprimand backfires on you, as you are suddenly filled with intrusive thoughts of breaking every single rule in this establishment with Suo, including the ones preventing you from climbing on top of him and riding him raw. You squirm at the thought, wishing you could close your legs rather than making a mess of your underwear (now a lost cause), but Suo’s grip stays firm on your waist.

He, himself, is unbothered by your scolding. “Okay,” he says simply. “Then I won't speak to you as a hostess. I want to speak to you, seriously, as a friend.”

His smile is so disarming, it makes you nervous. But he sounds earnest enough for you to be curious, and anyway, you're desperate for something to distract you from your wet cunt.

“Alright,” you acquiesce, “What do you have to say, as a friend?”

“I just have one question.”

“Sure. Shoot.”

His hand comes to rest in your thigh again. He leans in, breath so hot against your ear that your heart jumps.

“I can accept that you wanted to see customers just to satisfy your urges. But tell me why you didn't come to me first.”

You freeze up. Look at him, wide-eyed.

“Wh-what?”

Suo just smiles. Looks so fucking innocent you wonder if you misheard, but his voice is sharp when he replies: “Let me put it another way. Why have we never slept together?”

For some reason, you’ve never thought that he'd ask you this question point blank, even though you've asked it to yourself many times. It takes you several moments to piece together a response, during which Suo’s expression turns distinctly wicked. A sign that he smells blood.

“Why would you think we would have?” you ask carefully.

“Because we’ve both clearly thought about it. You especially.”

You try to keep a straight face. “No I haven't. I don't know what you're talking about.” You raise a brow. “How would you even know?”

“Because,” he says, hand inching up your thigh, “you’re so wet that I can feel it.”

You're mortified.

Shame floods your body, first because of the accusation, and then because you know it's true. You were tipsy enough not to think about this, but now—sobering up from sheer panic— you're acutely aware of how you've soaked through the fabric beneath you. Something that Suo had certainly known, and chose to encourage.

What a horrible man.

When you don't reply, he tilts his head. “Don't tell me you haven't noticed. Do you want me to show you?”

His hand is moving so slowly, you know he's giving you another out. You could easily get off his lap. You could even slap him and call him a sleazy drunk and grouse at him to go home. You could forgive him in the morning for coming onto you and say he'd obviously made an inebriated mistake, as opposed to a very calculated decision. Your friendship would stay mostly intact. His grip on you might tighten, but that would be fine. You would still get to stay with him.

And that's all you've ever wanted. Just to stay with him.

But you're so wet, so empty, so aching. You want to be touched. You want to be touched by Suo, and only by Suo. You want to be fucked by him, to be owned by him, to be ruined by him. You’ve wanted it so badly and so long that you can't even remember when it started—only that you want it to end.

So instead of moving away, you sit there and endure the humiliation of getting your cunt inspected by him.

Suo hums as he opens your legs. You suppress a whimper as a finger moves along your folds, at the noise it makes as it runs through your slick. “Look, you’re so wet,” he murmurs into your ear. He finds your clit—swollen, neglected, and you whimper as he starts to draw slow, lazy circles around it. “Poor thing.”

“It’s only because you had me grinding on you the whole night,” you say through gritted teeth. “It doesn't—ngh—doesn’t mean I’ve been wanting to fuck you.”

You sound pissed enough that you'd convince anyone else, but you know, even without seeing his face, that Suo can tell you're bullshitting.

“You’re not a good liar,” he remarks. A fine teacher even when humiliating people, Suo can't help but add, “If you have to tell a lie, at least come up with a believable one.”

“What makes it unbelievable?” you reply, words clipped off by a sharp inhale as he starts rubbing your pussy.

“Well,” he starts nonchalantly, as if he isn't toying with your cunt, “after you were targeted in that succession conflict, I put hidden cameras in the area, and also in our suite.”

Your eyes go wide. Even in your aroused state, the implications are making you panic. “You—you what?”

“It was for security purposes,” he dismisses casually, as if he's not admitting to a serious invasion of privacy. “Only near the front door and the common areas. I just wanted to catch intruders and any suspicious behaviour from my men. But imagine my surprise”—you feel his fingers start to press into your cunt—“when I instead caught you fucking yourself on the couch and moaning my name.”

You’re mortified. Humiliated. Mind racing with every instance you were horny and stupid enough to touch yourself in a common space. You think about yelling at him about the cameras, but then you feel two fingers sinking into you, and now you aren't thinking about much at all.

Your mind goes blank as you're stretched open by him. Your cunt is so wet, so empty, but the feeling still makes you whine. Your brow furrows, and you give him a pleading look. Slowly, please.

“Don't worry,” he says in a soothing tone, “I know you can handle this. I've seen you take much bigger. Though”—he shifts, pulls you so you're in between his legs, and now you can feel the length of him against you, hard and aching and huge, what the fuck—“maybe not big enough.”

You tighten around his fingers as he grinds against you. You want him inside you so badly, it hurts. Suo laughs when he feels your desperation, and he sounds so amused that you can't help but feel ashamed. But even more than shame, you feel aroused. You take the rest of his fingers easily, down to the knuckle.

“What the fuck, Suo,” you eventually manage through your panting, though not with much bite. “You weren't—ahh—meant to see any of that.”

“Sorry,” he says, sounding deeply unapologetic. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn't watch much, and I deleted all of it. I didn't need to see that to know you have feelings for me.”

You tense. “What feelings?” you ask, and Suo stops. He pulls his fingers out of you—you breathe sharply at the loss—and manhandles you until you're straddling his lap. Forces you to look at him, into his one eye. It's knife-sharp, brutal, but familiar. You don't struggle, nor do you feel uneasy.

But you do feel like prey.

“Do you remember,” he begins, voice light, “how our master always talked about how important it is to engage with each other’s feelings?”

Fuck.

“No,” you blurt out, and Suo laughs.

“Of course not,” he plays along. “You were always so terrible at it. But I've been doing a bad job too, lately. So”—he reaches beneath your dress, hooks your thong with his fingers—“I wanted to have an honest conversation with you.”

He smiles at you. Actually looks kind and even sounds earnest. What a fucking sociopath. You allow him to slide your underwear down your legs, kicking them off. Now your pussy is completely bare to him, and you can hear the way his breath stops as he touches it again. Three of his fingers push in this time, and you pant openly at the stretch, leaning against him as your body trembles from the stretch. He flexes his fingers experimentally, watching your reactions—your whimpers, your sighs, the way your eyelashes flutter when he brushes that one spot inside you.

“I’ve always had feelings for you,” he starts, using that nonchalant, delicate tone—the specific one that suggests danger, “and I know you’re too smart to have missed that. I’d be fine with it if you didn't return them, but you do.”

“I don't,” you protest, and then his fingers curl and press into your g-spot. You're cut off immediately, gasping at the sudden wave of heat in your belly.

A hand comes up to your chin. He forces you to look at him. “I said I wanted to have an honest conversation, remember.”

“I–I am being honest, I—” Your voice breaks as he starts pumping his fingers. It's slow, gentle, but precise. Tension builds in you at an alarming rate, your thighs getting as slick and messy as his hand. You bury your face into the crook of his shoulder, breathe in his cologne and gasp into his skin, and your mind goes hazy from the euphoria of his touch. Sure, you've hugged Suo before, been held by him before, and god knows you've been touched like this by a ton of other people before—but it feels different now. It feels different when it's Suo who's touching you, different when you’re this close to him while he's drawing all this pleasure out of you. When one hand feels so good inside you and the other one is holding you so intimately.

“Suo,” you whimper, overwhelmed by hot tension in your belly, “I-I’m close, I’m close, oh fuck—

He stops.

Before you can comprehend what's happening, he’s withdrawing his fingers, and all the heat in you is melting away. Your orgasm lost, you come down from your high—nerves frayed, emotions taut.

“Suo,” you say, “what the fuck?”

He gives you a smile. It almost looks nice. “I'm not letting you cum until you tell me the truth.”

You’re going to cry.

You're so wet, so empty, so desperate, and now you feel oddly afraid. You don't like the way he's staring you down. You don't like this line of questioning, this bullshit of engaging with other people's feelings. You’ve never liked it. But you need—need—him to fuck you. You need his fingers inside you and you need to cry into his neck while you finish.

You say, very quietly, “Please, Suo.”

“Please, what?”

It's funny. You've performed begging and crying and submission for countless clients, sometimes during annoyingly rough sessions. You've done it for years. But nothing has ever felt so humiliating as this moment, when you ask your best friend, in the smallest voice possible, “Please touch me.”

“No. Not until you start being honest with me.”

Suo's mouth curls at the devastated look you give him. You hardly even notice that he's adjusting you, having you straddle his thigh again—this time, facing him. You don't register it until your cunt is pressed into the wet spot you left earlier and he's saying, “You can move if you'd like. But I'm not touching you.”

“You’re fucking horrible,” you say with all your heart, but your pussy is throbbing and you're desperate for release. So you finally do what you were desperately trying to stop yourself from doing the whole night—you start grinding on him. Like a fucking animal in heat. It's embarrassing, especially because his leg feels so good against you. The friction on your pussy makes you pant, your eyes squeezing shut as your clit finally gets some pressure. It makes up for the way he’s looking at you, which is sly, handsome, and rage-inducing all at once.

“You really do need to be touched,” he remarks softly. “You said your customers satisfied you. Was that true? Did they properly fuck you?”

“N-no,” you gasp. Your mind feels so cottony now that you're getting some relief. You can barely think, and definitely not enough to lie. “It was—it was—fuck, I never came.”

He hums, satisfied. “There—see? Telling the truth isn't so hard. You can do it again.”

He sounds so condescending. You would ordinarily hate it, but for some reason, it's going straight to your pussy right now, making you drip so much you know you've ruined his pants. You’re getting close, too, just by rubbing yourself on his leg. It doesn't feel quite as good as when his fingers were in you, but it’s something. And it’s making it hard to focus on what he's saying.

“It’s fine if you can't be honest about your feelings,” Suo continues. “Let's assume you're telling the truth, and all you want to do is fuck me. Why haven't you?”

You try to answer him, but you can't. You're too focused on the roll of your hips against his leg. There's too much tension, too much heat. You melt against him again, breathing heavily into his shoulder as you tighten around nothing. His hands come to your waist, as if grounding you, and somehow this makes everything feel even better. You start panting, babbling, I'm close, I'm getting close, Suo, Suo—

His grip tightens, and he stops you in place. You cry in frustration—no tears, but the noise you make is broken.

“Answer my question,” he says. You feel a hand glide along your bare skin, stopping at your inner thigh. “Answer me and I'll touch you.”

“Okay,” you say, as desperate as you are distressed. “Okay, I'll do anything. Anything.”

“Good.” He sounds so pleased.

You put your arms around his neck, for no reason other than you want to. Lifting your hips, you part your legs for him, and you feel so relieved at just the touch of his hand that you sigh—even though all he's doing is running a finger along your slick folds.

You shudder as his fingers play with your sex. Lean your head on his shoulder as he starts to move. You’re so desperate that you start grinding against his hand, whining for him.

“Well, then,” he murmurs. “Tell me why you didn't come to me. This is all you wanted, isn't it?” He rolls your clit between two fingers, making you squirm. “Just to get off, right? I could have done that. You'd have enjoyed it more.”

“It”—your eyelids flutter shut—“it would have been too complicated. Y-you’re my boss, and I pay rent to y-you, and we’ve been friends for so long, I didn't want to make it weird—”

Suo delivers a sharp slap to your pussy.

The contact is so sudden that you yelp. It only stings a little, but it makes your clit ache. The noise it makes is so wet, so filthy, telling of your desperation. And to your shame—even though you have never once in your life enjoyed being handled roughly by your customers—your cunt starts leaking in response.

You whimper, about to burst from frustration. You need to be touched so bad. You need to be touched by him so bad, and you need to cum on his cock or else you'll lose your fucking mind.

“Suo,” you complain, or beg, and you don't even realise that you're tearing up until he swipes his thumb under your eye.

“Try again,” he says gently, but not kindly. “The truth this time, and then I'll make you cum. Why didn't you come to me first? These past few months, or any other time?”

You don't answer him. “Suo, please—” And he moves back so that you're no longer leaning against him. Your lip trembles at the loss of the warmth, which somehow feels worse than the loss of your orgasm. An actual tear rolls down your cheek, and he doesn't wipe this one away.

“Answer me,” he says firmly. Instead of replying, you try to reach for him—wanting to be pressed against his body again, wanting him to draw pleasure out of yours again—but he stills you with his hands.

You feel devastated.

Out of horny, emotional desperation, and an all-consuming need to be fucked, you admit, “I was just scared!”

This is the worst mistake you've ever made.

The minute the words dislodge from your throat, you feel yourself choke up. You don't know why. All you know is that you suddenly can't hold back your tears from your sexual frustration, which for some reason is starting to feel distinctly like a non-sexual kind of angst, which is also strangely painful for your chest.

Because now that you've said it out loud, you can't ignore it.

You want to hide. You want to crawl out of his lap and run out of the establishment. Surely, the mamasan will forgive you for leaving a shift with such a frightening and horrible man, who is currently trying to extort your feelings out of you. But Suo’s grip is solid and unforgiving on you, and all you can do is squirm.

“Scared of what?” Suo asks. His voice has gone soft. Actually soft—not in a way that suggests danger, but a way that suggests you're loved. It makes you tremble.

His arms circle you, and one rubs at your back. It makes you relax very slightly. Or at the very least, it makes you stop wanting to bolt.

“What were you scared of?” he prompts again.

A feeling of defeat washes over you. Suo will figure you out sooner or later. He always does. So you tell him, very quietly, “I was scared that—that you'd leave me.”

You realise that you just stuttered. You stuttered because you're crying. You're actually, genuinely crying. Not from sexual frustration, but because you're just frustrated in general. And miserable. You've been chronically miserable for most of your life, and that misery has had nowhere to go until now.

You press your face into Suo’s shoulder, and he lets you. You breathe deeply in an attempt to stop crying, his cologne washing over you. It's nice, but what feels most comforting is just the scent of him. You're used to it from the days before he'd ever thought about using a fragrance, let alone a fragrance that would bankrupt the average person. It's calming, even when overlayed with ambergris and vanilla. Familiar.

Your breathing evens out a little—but only a little.

“Why would I leave you?” His voice is so kind, patient. More tears bead on your lashes.

“Because you might not want me anymore.” You sound so fragile. Shit, you are fragile. You can't stop the splintering feeling in you, the same one that ate at you two months ago when you thought he was going to leave you. “You could get tired of me or resent me or get bored with me. You could—you could want to throw me away, for no reason. Or—” You breathe in sharply, clinging to him harder.

“Or?”

“Or you could die—you joined the yakuza, so you could die. Why did you do that?” An actual sob leaves you. His shirt is getting wet. You ruined so many of his silk changshan like this in the past, when your boyfriend cheated on you and when your parents kicked you out and when you slept with your fifth customer.

And when your master died.

“I'm still so fucking mad at you for it,” you bite out around your tears. “If you got fucking killed—oh my god, I can't even think about it. I can't—I couldn't take it if—if I kissed you, and we had sex, and then I didn't have you anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re the only thing I have.” You squeeze your eyes shut, a terrible realisation hitting you. “And…”

“And?”

“And,” you say, voice breaking, “I think because I love you?”

You know it as soon as you voice it. You do love him. Not just platonically, but in the way where you want to hold his hand and kiss him and marry him. In the way a miserable nineteen year old girl is so in love with her miserable best friend that she refuses to leave him despite how terrifying he’s becoming. You loved him in this way before you realised you wanted to have sex with him, and even after that, you loved him so much that it didn't matter that he wasn't having sex with you.

You love him so much it disgusts you.

You want to hide, but Suo forces you to look at him. He brushes away your tears, cups your face. The Pavlovian response takes over: your heart rate slows, and you calm down.

“There,” he says gently. “That wasn't so bad, was it?”

He’s wrong. You bet he knows he's wrong. That was objectively one of the worst experiences of your life. You feel wrung out, tenderised. You never thought you'd say any of that. You're not sure you knew most of that.

But in Suo’s arms, plied open with his words and his hands, you actually find yourself shaking your head. You lean into the touch of his palm.

“I love you,” he continues, his tone so authoritative and calm that it leaves no room for doubt, “probably to the point that it should scare you. Do you understand that?”

“Yes,” you say quietly.

“And we won't be separated. I won't allow anything to take you away from me. Do you understand that too?”

You make a noise, halfway between a relieved sigh and another sob. This declaration should not be a surprise from a man who’s effectively locked you up in his house. Still—your heart feels so light when you hear someone say, for the first time in your life, that they’ll stay with you no matter what. It's like Suo has just unearthed a weight that you didn't know you'd been carrying.

“I’ll try,” you reply, voice small.

“Good.” He strokes your cheek. “Do you want to keep going?”

It’s absurd. You just cried and confessed something terrifying. With anyone else, this would be an experience so horrifying that you'd leave right now and never come back. Your sexual desire should not just be gone, but permanently erased. At the very least, you shouldn't feel the slightest bit horny.

But somehow, being gutted by Suo hasn't left you feeling bad. It's left you feeling lighter. Kind of like you've been purged. You feel exhausted, but in a malleable way. Dazed and relieved to be in his lap. Your thighs are still embarrassingly sticky, heart still embarrassingly wobbly, and you just heard him say that he loves you.

Now you want to hear him say it while he's cumming inside you.

“Yeah,” you admit immediately, pathetically. You sniffle.

“You're sure?” Another stroke. “I want to hear you say it clearly. What do you want to do?”

Your dignity is gone. “I want you to fuck me.”

He smiles. A fond hum leaves him. “Good girl,” he murmurs, and you feel a flutter in your belly. “I'll take care of you now.”

He kisses you this time, before he touches you. On the neck, on your jaw. You bare your nape to him, shivering at the feeling of his lips on your jugular, at his nipping teeth on your skin. You realise he's leaving marks, and with each one, you shudder. It feels so intimate. You're on a rooftop bar, in a skanky hostessing dress, crying and strung out—but this is the closest thing you've ever gotten to one of your fantasies about him. Not the nasty ones that you think about when you're home by yourself, but the ones you think of when you're in bed with various salarymen. The ones where you get to lie with him in bed and press your lips to his.

“Suo,” you start.

“Hayato,” he corrects you. “You're my fiancée now, remember? We should be on a first name basis.”

Your stomach flips. “Hayato,” you try again, breathless. “Please.”

He takes a moment to reply, busy sucking another mark into your skin. “Please, what?”

You hesitate. Suo pulls back, looking at you. You whine, feeling shy all of a sudden. You flirt for a living and yet you feel embarrassed about your request. It's humiliating.

“Please, what?” he repeats. His mouth is curled in a smile, and you can't tell whether it's endeared or entertained. “Please let you cum? Please fuck you?”

“Please kiss me,” you say, in a small voice.

Suo pauses.

“What?”

“Please kiss me,” you beg. Close to tears again, for some reason you don't know. You think it surprises him as much as it does you.

It takes him a moment to recover, but when he does, he gives you a look that’s fucking ravenous.

His thumbs away the wetness from your eyes. “You're so cute sometimes. Did you know that?”

You flush. Plenty of customers have called you cute, but none have had you feeling so indignant nor shy.

“I’m not,” you reply, “and stop that.”

“But it's true. And I want you to know it.”

Suo presses his mouth to yours before you can respond. You're so eager for him that you part your lips immediately. Your instinct is to make your first kiss with him messy and desperate, but he’s in full control, and he’s taking his time. His tongue is careful and precise. Full of intention. His lips are slow, languid, and lazy, like he's savouring the taste of you. A hand plays with the strap of your dress. You feel him slide it off your shoulder—the other one quickly follows—but you’re so absorbed in his kiss, you hardly pay attention.

You're vaguely aware of the breeze against your bare chest. One of his hands moving up, feeling out your curves. He hums into your mouth when his fingers ghost over your nipples, and they harden under his touch.

“Suo,” you whine as he teases them, and he pinches one of them, watching as you squirm.

“Hayato,” he corrects you promptly, and you give him a worn, teary look.

“Hayato.”

“Yes?”

“I need more,” you say quietly.

He smiles, clearly enjoying your desperation. “Be patient,” he teases you. “I’m getting there.”

He kisses a line along your jaw, down your neck. Traces your collarbone with the path of his mouth, works his way down to your breasts. At the same time you feel the heat of his tongue on your nipple, his hand reaches between your legs. You're so wet already that he doesn't need to work you open again—just sinks his fingers inside you until you're sighing for him.

You discover that when he's not antagonising you, Suo is frighteningly efficient with pleasuring you. He learns quickly how you like your tits played with, and how to fuck you so well with his fingers until you're gushing around them and keening. He said he'd take care of you, but you think he's mostly forcing all this pleasure from your body for his own enjoyment. There's no other explanation for how he keeps bringing you to the edge and pulling you back, swallowing each of your whines and complaints with his mouth. The only time he isn't kissing you is when you're begging—and you don't miss the way his breathing deepens every time you do.

But no matter how much you beg, he isn’t letting you cum.

“Look at the mess you're making,” he murmurs as he plays with your cunt. You're sitting between his legs again, your back against his chest. You can feel the length of his cock against your ass, and you hear how his breath hitches every time you squirm against it. Except for that one tell, he sounds completely unaffected by what he's doing—forced you to open your legs wide for him, spread your glistening folds to tease you. The leather beneath your ass is wet, ruined by your need.

“Hayato,” you whine.

“Just a little longer,” he promises, “and then I'll let you cum.”

Your mind is so fogged with pleasure at this point that you can't focus on anything other than Suo’s touch. You’ve actually forgotten where you are—not a truly private space, but part of a club. The girls would normally only come up if you put in an order, but you haven't for a while now.

Long enough for someone to check on you without warning.

You tense as soon as you hear the door open. You recognize the server—she knows you well, by face, stage name, and real name. Your eyes go wide as she calls for you. You try to sit up, close your legs, but Suo grabs one of your thighs and forces it open.

“Suo, wait—”

You whimper, incapable of words when his fingers push into you again. He starts fucking you with them, and in earnest this time—curling his fingers until they're pushing into your g-spot, doing it over and over and over. Your eyes roll back and you stop struggling, and Suo takes the opportunity to touch you with his other hand too, playing with your clit. A strangled moan leaves you as the heat in your gut ratchets up. Pleasure swells in your belly; you feel like you're going to burst.

“Suo,” you cry, tears pricking your eyes, “wait, wait, my coworker—wait, I think—I think I'm gonna—”

“Go ahead,” he says into your ear, voice silky, and he pushes against your sweet spot in a way that gives you no choice but to obey him.

You cum so hard that you squirt all over the seat. Your whole body is wracked with intense pleasure—hips bucking violently, legs twitching, crying so loudly and shamelessly that your coworker naturally hears. She catches you spread wide open in Suo’s lap, his fingers deep in your messy, swollen cunt as you drench them.

Her tray clatters to the floor.

Fighting the mindless haze that your body is in, you glance at the other girl, whose hand is over her mouth. She looks appalled. She’s going to yell at you. But then you then watch, in real time, as her eyes travel to your customer’s face and she realises who he is. If she was red when she saw the two of you, she's now a pale white.

“Did you come to check on us?” Suo asks. He sounds amused. She flinches at his voice, and actually takes a step backward. “We’re fine for now. We’ll order something in a bit, and call you up here as usual.”

“O-okay,” she says, voice high and tense. “I—I’ll leave you two, then. Please—please enjoy yourself, sir. We'll be available in case you require any other services.” And she walks away briskly, almost in a run. She doesn't even bother to stop the expressly forbidden act that you're engaged in.

Once she’s gone, Suo allows you some dignity. He pulls his fingers out of you, lets you catch your breath.

“Oops,” he says. “It’s too bad they caught us. I suppose they won't want to keep you on as an employee, since you broke such an important rule.”

You stare at him, wide-eyed. Your emotional and sexual pliability quickly dissipates, replaced by disbelief.

“You—you did that on purpose,” you say between pants, too fucked out to be truly angry, but still appalled.

Suo raises a brow, gives you an innocent look. “Did I? I was just making you cum, like you've been begging all night. It was just unfortunate timing.” He then smiles, which makes him look incredibly kind despite the apparent sadism of his person. “But it's fine. They're going to fire you for this, but you know my club will always take you back.”

You close your eyes and groan. “You’re horrible.”

“I am, aren't I?” Suo puts his arms around you, kisses you on the shoulder, his voice getting low. “But this is a better arrangement, don't you think? You won't need to see customers this way. Every time you need relief, you can come upstairs and I'll give you my cock instead.” He grinds against you, letting you feel how hard he is, and you whimper. He laughs, probably entertained at how desperate you sound. “Or maybe I'll just make you take it whenever I feel like it. I think at the end of every shift makes sense, doesn't it? Since that's how often you've been touching yourself on the couch.”

“S-suo.”

“It’s Hayato now, remember. What is it, dear?”

He sounds so smug, mocking you. You should be furious. But in your fucked out state, all you can focus on is the idea of being forced to take Suo's cock every night. Despite already being ruined, your pussy starts throbbing again. You squirm and press your thighs together, trying to get it to stop—you’re so fucking tired—and you bleakly realise that you can't control your body’s reactions around him. You're getting wet again. It makes you want to cry.

“Hayato,” you whimper, on the verge of tears.

“Ah, you addressed me properly. Good.” He’s so satisfied. “What is it?”

“I…”

“You?”

“I”—your voice is so small and embarrassed, you can hardly believe it—“I want you to fuck me.”

He feigns shock, as if he wasn't actively provoking this. “Really? But you just came.” A hand prods between your legs. You obediently spread them for him, and he checks your pussy with two of his fingers. You moan a little at the intrusion, but there's no resistance at all.

Your cunt, still dripping, tightens around him, and he laughs softly.

“You really do need a cock in you. Who knew you had such a needy pussy.” He curls his fingers. Probably feeling the way it makes you gush, delighting in the gasp it draws out of you. “No wonder you have to use that toy every day.”

You're about to die of embarrassment. “Hayato. Please just fuck me.”

Suo turns you so that you can look at him. He’s wearing a kind, benevolent face when he says, “No.”

“...what?”

“I'm not going to give you my cock.” He hums, contemplative. “Not for a while, I think.”

“B-but,” you say, genuinely upset, “but you were just talking about doing that at work.”

“Sure—after we get married. It's only proper, don’t you think?”

“What?” Your eyes are wide in disbelief. “You—you just made me cum with your fingers. In a public space.”

“Yes. But that's different from letting you have my cock. It wouldn't be gentlemanly of me to do that before we’re wedded.” He can't keep the amusement out of his voice as he bullies you. “I'm sure you can wait until the summer, right? Since that's the season you chose for us. August, I think you told Nirei.”

“Hayato—”

“Actually,” he muses, easily sliding a third finger into you, making your voice clip off in a whimper, “I think you shouldn’t be allowed to have anything in you until then. Except for my fingers and tongue, of course. But no toys, and no other men either. That definitely wouldn't be proper.”

“I'm going to,” you say spitefully—and tearfully. “If you don't fuck me right now, I will sleep with other people.”

“I don't think you want to find out the consequences if you do.”

“How would you even—ngh—know?”

“Good question.” He starts pumping his fingers, and to your horror, your cunt needily swallows them with each motion, your body as desperate as he's been saying. “I guess I'll need to check your pussy every night. See if it's been stretched out by someone else’s cock. Maybe upstairs in the lounge at the end of each night, so I'll know that you haven't fucked a customer during a shift. Clearly, it's not impossible that you would.”

You try not to sob. Not only are his words utterly humiliating, they're making you wetter. After fucking so many people in so many ways, you didn't know it was possible for you to feel this much shame during sex—but then again, shaming people is one of Suo’s specialties.

You give him the teariest look possible, because by now you've figured out that he likes seeing you cry. Sadistic motherfucker. You're happy to use it to your advantage though.

He gets that hungry look in his eye again. “Please, Hayato,” you beg, voice trembling with need, “I want more. I thought I was your beautiful wife already.” You grind your ass against his cock, and he inhales sharply. “Don't you wanna cum in your wife’s pussy?”

Suo stops, deeply affected—just as you guessed he'd be. After making you his fake wife in both his criminal life and his civilian one, it's painfully obvious that the man is obsessed with marrying you. You'd make fun of him if you weren't so horny. Or humbled.

He only allows himself speechlessness for a second. He hums soon after, delicately wiping the tears out of your eyes. “You've been good enough that I guess I can reward you. I won't fuck you, but”—he shifts away, and you can hear his pants unzipping—“I’m sure you'll enjoy yourself anyway.”

Suo wasn't lying earlier. His cock is bigger than any toy you've ever used. It's pretty, too. Curved and long and flushed at the head. Glistening with prespend, which has pearled up at the tip. You think you might be salivating. For a minute, you contemplate asking if you can feel it in your throat, but then Suo’s lying down and moving you on top of him. When his cock nudges at your folds, you can’t help your excitement. You squirm, trying to sink onto his length.

His grip tightens on your waist, stopping you.

You’re about to whine at him about this, but he doesn't give you the chance. “If you try to ride me,” he says, in a voice so cold that you know he's not joking, “I'm not touching you until we’re married, and I'm not letting you touch yourself either.”

“...”

With anyone else you'd call bullshit, but you know that Suo is both crazy and petty enough to actually achieve this.

“Okay.” You sound and feel mollified. “I'll behave.”

He smiles. “Good,” he says cheerfully. “Just stay like that, then. I’ll take care of you.”

You listen to him, mostly because you're incredibly excited about getting pussy inspections and you'll be devastated if it doesn't happen. And you don't expect it to be a big deal, anyway. While your sex drive has been a constant source of grief for you throughout your life, you don't really have problems controlling any specific impulses in bed when you truly need to. You’re used to giving your customers whatever they want and, if you're lucky, getting off from it. You figure this will be the same.

You find out very quickly that it isn't.

You need to stay still. You can’t sink down on him. Two easy orders that are extraordinarily difficult when Suo is the one beneath you. You have to actively stop your hips from moving when you feel the silky head of his cock press into your folds, which are still dripping with your slick. Suo’s breath hitches when he runs the tip along your opening, drawing wet noises every time his cock head catches on your needy hole, smearing his precum all over it. All you want is to push back on him and let your pussy swallow his cock. You’re aching for it, and you know he is too. If you sank down on him now, he'd lose control and fuck you raw until he was cumming inside you. And then he'd probably keep going after that, not letting you move until you were stuffed full and dripping with his spend. Both of you know it.

But you don't do that. You're good for him. You sigh, just trying to enjoy the feeling of his length rubbing against you. How he's twitching and throbbing against you, how he wants as equally much to be inside you—but pulls back every time. Your mind goes a little fuzzy with the drawn out, low hum of pleasure, and you close your eyes.

Then he starts pushing into you.

“H-Hayato?” You whimper at the intrusion, at being made to take something so thick without warning. “I thought you weren't gonna—”

“I'm not,” he says. His breathing is heavier, his words strained, but his voice is still commanding when he says, “Don’t move.”

Suo doesn't give you the whole thing, just the tip. It is much harder to control yourself like this—when you can feel yourself getting stretched by the head of his cock, already so fat and heavy, but you don't get filled up by it. It makes you aware of how empty you are, and how wet you're getting. You bury your face into his neck and make a noise that's both tearful and pathetic.

It's not acting when you whine, in a watery, miserable way, “Please, Hayato. I need your cum in me.”

It's probably the crying that gets him. He inhales sharply, thrusting maybe a little deeper than intended. You groan at the extra inch of cock, eyes rolling back, and can't help the way your pussy tightens and drips, trying to suck him in.

“Fuck,” he says, and then he pulls out.

He lays you flat on your back. Before you can get so much as a word out, he's between your legs and pressing his cock against your entrance. For possibly the happiest moment of your life, you think Suo is going to fuck you—but instead he starts pushing the slick head of his cock right against your neglected clit.

You aren't going to complain.

You whimper as he starts rubbing against your sex, leaving his prespend all over your swollen bud. It makes you squirm, grinding yourself against it, and you press your legs together to get some more pressure for the both of you. Soon his cock is sliding between your thighs, getting them all sticky with his prespend. You can feel the length of him hot and slick against your folds, heavy and throbbing.

You've never cum like this before. It was never enough stimulation when your customers made you do this, which nearly all of them have. But the pressure on your clit and on your folds is shockingly intense as the two of you move, enough to make you whimper as a familiar tension builds. It's not as overwhelming as when his fingers were inside you, but it's enough for you to start panting at the tension in your belly. You can hear Suo’s breath picking up as you start to whine, and he watches you, almost predatorial, as another orgasm crashes over you. You moan his name as you cum, squeezing a few more tears out of your eyes.

He stares at your flustered, wet face as he pushes the head of his cock against your entrance again, fisting himself as it flutters and drips in the aftershock of your orgasm. Suo’s been hard for so long, for the whole time he's teased and bullied you—you aren't surprised at how close he already is. Especially not when you start talking about how much you need his cum in you, how empty your pussy feels without it, how badly you want your husband to fill you up. All with your mascara smeared and your lip trembling, a sight that makes him throb.

Suo groans as he finally cums. You can feel his cock twitching, warmth spurting out onto your folds, and then into your pussy as he thrusts shallowly into you. You pull him down needily as he fills you, and he indulges you with a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss.

When he pulls out, you can feel his cum drip out of you, all the way down to the couch. You make a happy noise at the mess he's made of your hole, giving him a lovestruck, dreamy expression.

“You should do that every night after you're done checking my pussy,” you sigh.

Suo’s mouth curls, and breathes out a kind of laugh. He holds your face, and one of his tassels brush against the shell of your ear as he presses his forehead to yours. “I’ll do it if you're good for me.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour until our wedding night,” you promise, voice affectionate.

Suo gives you a fond look. His expression is so sentimental. You think he’s going to say something sweet.

“Alright,” he replies. “Then be good for me and keep the rest of that inside you, okay? Let’s not make a mess of these floors. I don't want to get blacklisted from this club.”

You open and close your mouth, completely speechless.

“You're fucking horrible,” you say with all your heart, and he laughs and kisses you, and kisses you, and kisses you. He doesn't stop until you're placated and horny again.

Suo takes his sweet time pushing his cum into you as deeply as possible, saying that it's to make sure you don't lose any of it, but really so he can draw another orgasm out of you. Knowing that the mamasan might take pity on you and think that you were coerced into degrading sexual acts by a terrifying yakuza client, he makes sure to order a drink beforehand, calling up a server. (I don't want to be a bad patron, he hums as he looks at the tablet, and I said I'd get you to the number 1 ranking, right?) It subsequently looks, sounds, and is completely consensual when you're found pulling at Suo’s hair, keening as he fingers his cum into you while sucking on your clit.

This leaves you with no hope of continued employment on all of Keisei Street.

To add insult to injury, you do make a mess of the floors, despite Suo’s conscientious efforts to avoid this—though it's not as bad as the one you left on the couch. You also can't find your thong anywhere, which you guess is something else that the mamasan won’t appreciate when she finds it. Still, for the rest of the night, everyone shows Suo nothing but the utmost respect and highest quality customer service. They even ask how he found your company and if he has any feedback for you. He praises your conversational skills, karaoke abilities, and how capable you were in catering to his many needs. He also lets them know that you'll be resigning.

Hanzo and Shuuhei are waiting to pick you up, bringing the Rolls Royce with the privacy suite. This time, Suo doesn't use it to interrogate you; he instead uses it to kiss you and tease you and discuss wedding plans. If it'll be indoors or outdoors. If you'll have a big reception or a small one. If it'll be a traditional wedding, or if you’ll want a Chinese one like the one your master would have maybe liked to see. You settle on having a Shinto ceremony and a Chinese-style reception. Having been raised Chinese, whenever Suo imagined marrying during his teenage years, you were always in a red qipao. His master even once told him that if he managed to win your heart, he'd organise a tea ceremony and act in the role of Suo’s father.

After disclosing these facts (the first of which makes your heart weak, and the second of which leaves it aching), he asks about any long-standing things you've always wanted to do with him as a couple. If you had any silly or indulgent daydreams about your future with him, and what they were like.

“I don't know,” you admit. “I guess after you applied to teacher’s college, I liked the idea of marrying you, and doing all the domestic things you talked about. Though you were just joking at the time.”

You don't really expect him to remember much about this particular line of teasing. Sure, the man is currently obsessed with marrying you, and maybe he daydreamed about it a little bit when he was younger—but he mostly treated the idea as a funny joke when he was a teenager. All of the teasing has probably blurred together for him over the years. Certainly, it has for you.

But you've never been able to forget this particular memory. It’s one of those small, inconsequential moments that you find yourself incapable of letting go to this day. You loved hearing him talk about getting married, even though it hurt immensely that it was probably just teasing. You loved it because you wanted it. You wanted Suo to teach people because you knew he was good at it and it would make him genuinely happy. You wanted to stop working in the red light district and make a nice and safe home for Suo, just as he'd made a nice and safe home for you. And you wanted to marry him and kiss him and have sex with him and only him for the rest of your life.

You wanted it so badly, it still makes you heart ache to think about it.

He was definitely just teasing you, though. Suo was a sane person at the time, and sane people do not actually plan a marriage and life with someone before dating them or even fucking them. Most importantly, a sane person wouldn't hold onto such a silly joke for so long. Oh, you expect him to say, laughing. You're right, I had nearly forgotten.

But all he does is give you a smile. It's one of his strange, enigmatic ones.

“No, I was quite serious about it,” Suo says, looking right at you.

You stare at him.

“Really?”

“Really.”

He's being so straightforward, so earnest. Your typical reaction would be to feel flustered, sentimental—but something about his expression and tone bothers you. But before you can suss out what it is, he continues, and the moment passes.

“Was there anything else you ever wanted to do?” he asks smoothly.

You're startled, off-guard. “Oh, um… not really. I never let myself think too much about it.”

“Come on,” he prods. “There must be something.”

“No, I really didn't think of any ideas on my own. Although…”

Your face gets hot as you trail off. Suo senses weakness, and goes in for the kill.

“Although?”

“It's too embarrassing,” you admit, looking away, and Suo looks a little too interested as he pesters you for an answer.

“Come on, it's fine.” His mouth curls in a way that tells you it's not fine. “I promise I won't judge you. I just want to know what I can do to make you happy as your husband.”

You give him an uncertain look, and say your only concrete fantasy about him so quickly and quietly that he misses it.

“Pardon?” he asks.

“...romantic, vanilla sex.”

Suo blinks. “What?”

Your face burns with humiliation.

“I used to think about having romantic, vanilla sex with you. When I was a teenager. A lot.” Said as if you weren't just thinking about it two months ago in a love hotel, and still don't want it now. You wouldn't even bring it up if you didn't think it was necessary. But unfortunately, you're professionally skilled at perceiving people’s sexual interests, and you've perceived that Suo is sexually a freak. He was definitely going easy on you tonight, and is probably actively planning to get worse. You'll never have normal sex with him unless you explicitly state a desire for it.

Suo gives you a surprised look. “That's… a very mundane fantasy.”

“It wouldn't have been mundane to me,” you reply, somewhat defensively. “I used to think about it when I slept with my customers, who weren't very romantic. Or vanilla. So I didn’t really have a good reference point or anything for that kind of sex, but sometimes I still thought about doing it with you after they had left.”

You look away after saying this, wondering why you disclosed all of that. It certainly wasn't necessary for your dream of someday taking Suo’s cock without being psychosexually tortured first. Now you feel like you need to hide. You even think about excuses for stopping the car, and ponder again how difficult it would be to live without proof of identity, if you chose to run away.

But Suo doesn't let you run. He pulls you close to him, wrapping you up in his warmth.

“It's okay,” he says gently, in a voice that reminds you of how he was in his old Furin days. “You'll be okay. I'll make sure of it.” It confuses you deeply, and you turn to ask him what the fuck he's going on about.

You don't even realise you're crying until he starts kissing away your tears.

You can’t understand why you’re weeping. Maybe something strange and hormonal happened while you were having sex, like Suo made you orgasm too hard and all the oxytocin is making you depressed now. Though you think that hormone is supposed to make you happy. You're not sure. You never finished school, so you wouldn't know.

Whatever the reason, you hastily wipe away your tears. A hand rubs at your back, and you let yourself press your face into his shoulder.

“Sorry,” you say quickly.

“Don't apologise. You don't have anything to be sorry for.”

You hesitate as you breathe against the silk threads of his shirt, thinking about how many of his shirts you've ruined with your tears. At least three changshan and one Versace summer piece, by your count. It’s not like he hurts over the money these days, but guilt tugs at your heart.

“I don't know about that,” you mumble into his shoulder. And it takes a while to work yourself up to saying it, but eventually you whisper, with full honesty, “I'm sorry for always worrying you.”

“I know,” Suo says. He sounds sincere when he says, “I’m sorry too.”

“I’ll try to be better from now on.”

“You will be. And even if you aren’t, that's fine.”

For some reason, that makes your heart squeeze.

You melt against Suo after that, listening to the steady roll of tires and passing traffic outside. There's a gentle pitter patter of rain against the car roof, tinny and rhythmic, that gradually crescendos into a proper storm. The windshield wipers squeak against the glass. All of the noise is lulling you into a kind of peace, or maybe you're just feeling that way because Suo is holding you.

Fatigue wears your consciousness, and you close your eyes. The hustle and bustle of the red light district grows distant, faint—partly from slipping in and out of your dreams, and partly from the quieting world outside. It's now completely silent other than the heavy rainfall. You think they must be taking the road through Makochi. Suo asks for it whenever he wants you to sleep well.

He probably thinks you're asleep when he says, “I’m sorry for being how I am now.”

You almost stop breathing. Almost.

“You didn't fall in love with me when I was like this, so you must not like it very much,” he continues. “I know that Master wouldn't like me much either, if he were alive. He always said that you should support your loved ones until they can stand on their own two feet. But lately, I feel like all I've been doing is breaking yours.”

He sighs. The sky groans with distant thunder.

“Sakura knows who I really am, you know,” he says quietly. “I think he's worried about what'll happen to you if we get married. Though he’s been worried about you for a while.” Suo almost sounds endeared when he adds, “Did you know he only texts me now to ask if you're okay? He really does love you.”

He’s more sombre when he continues, “But Nirei is just afraid of me. That’s why he’s never around. He’s going to call you in a week and tell you not to go through with the wedding. He’ll probably tell you to leave me too. It’s good advice.”

It's hard to keep your breathing slow, with how badly your heart hurts.

“I’ve tried to go back to how I was, to the kind of person that Master was trying to raise,” Suo confesses. “But I don't think I can get better.”

But even if you can't, you want to tell him, that’s fine. You wish you could hold him how he's always held you.

“It doesn't usually upset me nowadays,” he admits after some time, “how I am now. But to be honest, talking about our school days did make me feel bitter, because I can't give you the things I know you wanted.”

He kisses the top of your head. Gently, so as not to wake you from your dream.

“I'm sorry I never became a teacher. I'm sorry I joined the yakuza. I'm sorry I can't give you a normal life. And I'm sorry I can’t have an honest conversation with you.”

Silence. You feel his chest stop briefly, his breathing deepen.

“Maybe someday, I'll get better enough to say these things to you while you're awake. Maybe someday, I'll even get better enough to let you leave. It would be best for you.”

His voice gets even softer. Tender.

“But for now, I don't know how to let you go.”

You feel a hand shifting away, the soft noise of leather against skin. Then both arms around you again, even warmer, even tighter. He’s leaning his head against yours. You think Suo is falling asleep.

Allowing yourself a single, quick glance at the car, you peer at your reflections in the rearview mirror. You see sheets of rain sliding against the back window, his dark lashes pressed to his skin, and all the scar tissue he likes to keep hidden away.

And you can see, very clearly, tears beneath his missing eye.

END 'TOKYO VICE'

hi everyone thanks for reading this chapter!!!! i hope it didn't disappoint after all the shitposting i did about it this week lol

can i just say. this was straight up the weirdest sex scene I've ever written HASLKFJSDF and the mood whiplash throughout this was probably the craziest i've ever written within a single piece. unfortunately, this reader copes with her trauma via humour and sex and it really shows rip. i hope it wasn't too offputting!

thank you to everyone who left a comment on part 1!! please do let me know if you enjoyed part 2 as well. <333

tagging @kweenkatsuki-fics and @stuckindreamland06!

[respectthepetty]

The Heart Killers' Colors? - Ep. 6

I got my bizcochitos and boozy and spicy cinnamon dark hot chocolate (not champurrado, never champurrado), so I'm tipsy, jolly, and ready to watch episode six of The Heart Killers for Joong.

I mean for Fadel.

WAIT! I mean for colors!

Eff the colors! I'm here for water-based lube and condoms! Thank goodness for parents who advocate for safe sex, so I can get myself together after seeing Fadel do the walk of NO shame since Fadel should not feel ashamed for enjoying sex! Thanks, dad, for reminding me of my priorities!

Hold up! Are we switching to Shakespeare's The Tragedy of Othello, the Moor of Venice now?! Because that story dealt with lies and manipulation leading to multiple murders, and we all believe Mother has lied and manipulated these boys into killing others for her own agenda. *sips boozy hot chocolate*

Black Brooder Fadel is lightening up but is wearing red and Red Rascal Bison is wearing blue, so does this mean Style is a Red Rascal and Kant is a Blue Boy? I think the behind-the-scenes people are lying to me.

Style is wearing red again! And Kant is still on his bullshit, but they are sitting at a blue covered table. Does that mean anything?

It would be easier if Kant was a Green Guy (or even a Yellow Yal). It just makes more sense!

Because, regardless of what Bison thinks about blue, he is a Red Rascal.

See! Look at the blue disappear when he becomes passionate!

And a Green Guy would complement him and his aggressive and passionate personality. He would balance him out, and he would be the chill to Bison's no-chill self. They'd be chiles! They'd be Christmas!

And Style would make far more sense as a Red Rascal because of the way he brings out Fadel's desires!

Are you really a Blue Boy, Style?! I don't know because Dunk's arms are distracting me!

But I do know that I would go anywhere and do anything for this man just like Style does. If Fadel wanted to go to Top Golf, I'd go to that stupid frat bro place for my man. If Fadel wanted to go hunting in the woods for a week, I, a vegetarian, would go sit with him in silence for eight to twelve hours a day and make just enough noise to warn the animals, so he couldn't shoot any of them. And if he wanted me to eat Colorado green chile, I would NEVER DO IT because that's fake green chile and a stew, but I'd watch him eat it (while I eat Hatch like a proper person). That's the power of Joong Fadel.

Alexa, play Letters from Cleo's version of "I Want You to Want Me" from 10 Things I Hate About You!

Didn't I see you cryin' Feelin' all alone without a friend You know you feel like dyin' Oh didn't I see you cryin' I want you to want me I need you to need me I'd love you to love me I'm beggin' you to beg me

This is literally the only color I trust in this show right now, Cinematographer Rath.

BECAUSE PINK = 💕LOVE💕

Oh, thank goodness, the brothers are back to their true colors, and by that I mean chloroforming people until they pass out.

WHAT ARE YOUR COLORS?! JUST TELL ME ALREADY!

Now is not the time to serve cunt. Put those tits back in, you two!

Interesting that Mother is not in full red, but like a dulled orange-ish red.

Even more interesting that Keen matches her. I'd be wary of this kid if I was Bison and Fadel.

Kant is now giving me Beetlejuice and Foot Locker realness, but, thankfully, Style is offering me up some of that Blue Boy-ness I keep hearing about. Yes, Style, be loyal to your man! You are in love with a criminal and this type isn't rational; it's physical.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING RED AGAIN THOUGH?! Is it for love?! Fadel is, once again, light. He loves you too, Style. HE LOVES YOU TOO!

Bison is fully back in red now, and I do not think it's because of 💕love💕. 😬😬😬

Kant thought he was going to put Bison behind bars.

But it's about to get very gay and murderous up in here. In the words of one of my favorite Kesha songs, "This place about to blow" and not how Bison usually does it for Kant.

Kant, this twink is going to end you.

That's what you get for not showing your true color.

[ollyissleppy]

𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞!

summary: it's finally here! Christmas has started it's time to enjoy some breakfast and open gifts with your loving boyfriend. Maybe one of the gifts under the tree is from him? a/n: I would like to wish everyone happy holidays and that you'll be able to spend them just the way you want, no matter if it's with family, friends or alone :) also thank you all so much for joining me on this adventure and I hope I'll see you some more <3 cw: none?

series masterlist

You feel something wet on you the moment you wake up. It takes you a while to figure out that they were kisses. You open your eyes and see your boyfriend, who has been kissing you all over your face. Rafayel notices that you're awake and smiles.

"Good morning" he gives you another kiss, this time on your lips.

"Morning" you smile at him, still waking up.

"We should exchange our gifts now" Rafayel moves away, reaching to his side of the bed and looking for something.

"No, Raf, we should wait till the evening like normal people" you stretch, feeling your muscles stirring awake.

"We're not normal people, though" Rafayel returns to your side and gives you a small box. "Anyway, here"

"Alright, let's do it now" you put the box he gave you on the bed and reach for the gift you had prepared for your boyfriend.

The two of you focus on opening your gifts, with Rafayel chaotically ripping the paper apart. You laugh, seeing how desperate he is to see that he got. You finally got rid of all the wrapping to see what's inside the small box. You slowly open it to reveal a beautiful handcrafted ring with your favourite minerals and metal in it. You gasp, unsure if you should take it out of the box, scared that you might break it.

"Rafayel, it's beautiful" you look over at your boyfriend, smiling at him.

"It's enchanted, so I can find you no matter where you go," he says, taking the ring out of the box and putting it on your finger.

"Even in the afterlife."

You were flipping another pancake, when you heard footsteps coming out of the bedroom, telling you that your boyfriend was awake. You turn to face him to greet him with a kiss.

"Can we exchange presents now?" He asks you after pulling away.

"I thought we'd wait until evening, but sure" you agree, finishing up the last pancake and turning off the stove.

The two of you go to grab the gifts you got each other and meet up in the kitchen. You meet up in the kitchen and give each other gifts. Yours was shaped like a rectangle. You carefully unwrap it to see a book with the words 'you&me' written on the cover. You open the book to see a picture you took while going to check out christmas lights. Around the picture there was a short message:

'From Xavier to (name).

Let's spend a 1000 more christmases with each other.'

You turn a few more pages to see even more pictures of the two of you with sweet messages written around. Some of those messages were saying how cute you looked, and some we saying how grateful Xavier was to be able to enjoy these moments with you.

"Do you like it?" He asks you and that's when you noticed that he was carefully watching your expression, his gift remaining unopened.

"Xav, I love it" you look at him with teary eyes, deeply touched by how thoughtful his gift was.

"I'd love to spend a 1000 more christmases with you."

Sylus wakes you up with a smack on your shoulder. You open your eyes annoyed, about to ask him what got his panties in a twist when he speaks:

"Do you hear that?" You focus your senses to check what he's talking about. At first, you can't really pick up anything, but then you hear it: some commotion in the living room.

You nod your head, letting Sylus know that you can hear it too. No words are exchanged between the two of you, as you grab your weapons and get ready to get rid of who is rummaging in the living room. Both of you make your way closer to the place where the noise came from. To your surprise, the noise wasn't some intruders trying to mess with something, but Kieran and Luke who happened to wake up bright and early, excited about their presents.

You and Sylus lower your weapons, looking at the twins who are surrounded by wrapping paper and checking out their gifts. You look over at your boyfriend with an amused look in your eyes.

"I see that you got into presents already" Sylus chuckles. His voice scares the twins, both of them jumping up, ready to explain themselves. "You're fine, we were thinking of opening them in the morning anyway."

Kieran and Luke still apologise for not waiting for you and Sylus to wake up. You brush them off, sitting down on the couch with your boyfriend. Kieran gives you a small box that was from Sylus and Luke gives him a gift you bought. You carefully open the box to see what's inside. Inside there was a beautiful locket with small details engraved in it. You opened the locket to reveal a picture with you and Sylus in it. It also happened to be one of the first pictures you took after you started dating.

"I love it, Sylus" you kiss his cheek. "But it better not have a tracker in it" you joke, making Sylus laugh.

"It has one, actually!" Kieran says, happy you understand. Luke smacks in the back of his head, telling him to be quiet.

"They're just joking around. You know how they get."

The smell of freshly cooked food is the first thing you register after waking up. The second thing you notice is the lack of your boyfriend on his side of the bed, letting you know that this is the person behind this delicious smell. You lay in bed for a little longer, before deciding to get up. You make your way to the kitchen to check out what Zayne is making.

"Good morning," you say, wrapping your arms around him from the back.

"Good morning, love" Zayne greets you, turning around to hug you back. "I was thinking that it would be best if we exchanged presents in the morning."

"Sounds good to me" you smile, pulling away to grab your gift.

The two of you are back in the kitchen, breakfast-making process stopped for the time being. Instead, both of you focus on each other's gifts. You watch Zayne for a bit, his unwrapping technique making you giggle about how careful he is not to rip the paper. You move your attention to the present before you. You start unwrapping it, although you were much less careful about not ripping the paper. With the paper out of the way, you notice that your gift is some sort of jewellery box. You open it to see the most beautiful-looking bracelet with some sort of screen on it.

"It shows your heart rate and it's connected to my phone to let me know if there's something wrong" Zayne says as he's helping you clip it around your wrist.

"It's perfect thank you." You kiss him across the table.

"Anything for you, my love."

taglist: @leighsartworks216 @faeryminnyx @iloveboysinred @sstar-ggirl @bellagrayson-wayne

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

hot take about silco x vander that no one asked for

okay so it's 3:25 am and i spent too much time in pinterest comment sections so now i have Thoughts and y'all are gonna hear it (this is mostly spoiler free even for s1 but it won't make much sense unless you've watched arcane so go wATCH IT if you haven't). so there were a bunch of posts shipping Silco and Vander and in the comments people were really pissed coz they're said to think of each other as brothers.

TLDR: They did not grow up as brothers, they think of each other as such, and those thoughts can change over time or evolve without it being incestuous (with nuance), and of course it could stay the same too.

and I have a bunch of things to say, starting with for one, some folks were legitimately confused because they thought silco and vander were biological siblings. so, first off, let's get that clarified, they're definitely not. they weren't adopted or step siblings either. they met in their early adulthood, i believe, in the mines.

i'm gonna continue below the cut coz this is gonna be looooong.

now, the thing is, silco and vander explicitly state that they were each other's brothers and/or call each other brother. why? there could be multiple reasons for that. one, that's how they saw each other. they were as close as brothers and they saw each other as family. two, in the sense of being brothers in arms, fighting together against a common cause that brought them closer. three, they felt affection for each other and that was the closest term they knew to describe it. or something else.

and like, i do not mess with found family, that shit is sacred. if someone told me my brother isn't actually my brother because we didn't grow up together or share blood, i would happily punch them in the throat.

HOWEVER, Silco and Vander are fictional characters. so if someone headcanons that their relationship changed, and evolved, that's not disrespectful or incestuous. it just means the person believes that how they saw each other changed. or maybe they didn't realise how it was that they felt for each other. or any number of other things.

and hey listen when i was a teenager in two of my long-term relationships, i thought at the start that what i felt was platonic love. i'd literally call them my brother. because that was the way i knew to describe the intensity of my affection. i was figuring shit out, and then i realised that what i felt was romantic, and not platonic or familial.

does that make it incestuous? well i fucking hope not. i was a queer greyace teen trying to figure out what the fuck i was feeling.

and that's not even toUCHING the surface of queerplatonic feelings. like i had no vocabulary to describe that for most of my life. it was clearcut in my head--romantic, or platonic. and if platonic was very intense, then sibling. that was the only way i knew how to describe it.

and that's changed over the years and now i know a little bit better how i feel, and i have platonic feelings that aren't siblingy, platonic feelings that are very much siblingy, platonic feelings that aren't siblingy but familial anyway like that for a parent, and romantic feelings also of various shades.

but back then, i didn't have that vocabulary and distinctions and self-awareness. and it's entirely plausible for someone to headcanon that maybe Silco and Vander didn't either. maybe people ship them and hc that they had feelings for each other and didn't understand them, that could be romantic or queerplatonic. or had feelings for each other that were familial, but that evolved in a different way later (or in the AU). both of which ARE LEGITIMATE INTERPRETATIONS OF A FICTIONAL RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT IT BEING INCESTUOUS.

anyway so it's entirely chill if you don't ship them but it's also entirely chill if you do. the issue is when you attack people for interpreting a fictional relationship in their own entirely valid way and call it weird or incestuous and attack them as people for their ship. just let people be sigh.

so that's my unnecessarily intense take at--jesus christ it's nearly 4 am. :)

[snwusberry]

pairing: dad! seonghwa x mom! black reader

warning(s): food and eating

genre: fluff

wc: 1181

merry christmas to everyone who celebrates (it's almost 10pm here rn)

reader pov

the sound of overlapping voices fills the room. plates are being passed around, utensils clank against bowls and the smell of the variety of food invades my senses in the best way. the kids have been called back from whers they were playing to join us for the grand dinner we were all anticipating the whole year. christmas dinner with my husband's family and it's our 4th time attending, this time with yet another new born along with our four year old. now i know what people say about the father/husband's side of the family but i adore each and every one of these people.

however, i have learnt over the years seonghwa and i have been together that his family knows how to do chaos. they do it too well, if you ask me.

“pass the japchae, would you?” seonghwa's cousin calls out from the far end of the table, leaning forward and almost knocking over a glass of water in the process, making mr park let out an exasperated breath.

“relax ara, it’s coming. you act like you haven’t eaten all year.” he says, shaking his head.

“she eats every two hours like clockwork.” seonghwa jokes, dodging the chopsticks ara half-heartedly aims at him.

i can’t help but laugh as i scoop some onto my plate. his family is loud, hilarious, and utterly shameless when it comes to teasing each other,but its how they show love.

at the other end of the table is our 4 year old daughter who's sitting on a booster seat along with her cousins without a care in the world. she's having so much fun over there, i might just leave her here. she's busy chatting away with her uncle about lord knows what.

"uncle junho is eating so fast!" she exclaims almost too loud. she fits right in, i could tear up.

"i'm hungry. look at you, you're eating like a bird." he tries defending himself which offends her.

"no i'm not. daddy, uncle junho say i eat like a bird."

"she does not eat like a bird." seonghwa says, coming to the defense of the little girl which brings laughter to everyone around the table.

seonghwa's aunt—we call her aunt vera because she said to calm her that—clears her throat, drawing everyone's attention as she picks up the untouched dish from the table. everyone quiets down and eyes the dish. not a word being uttered in disbelief. good or bad, it's up to you to decide.

"what is it?" her son asks what i think were all wondering.

"its my famous brussels sprouts gratin." she declairs brightly as if she just stated the obvious amd the room falls awkward silent with a strained "oh" here and there.

"is that what it is?" i hear someone feintly ask and i'm almost certain its seonghwa's sister, seonghee.

9"famous where?" junho asks under his breath, earning him a nudge from seonghee.

i turn and glance at seonghwa who's biting his lip to keep from laughing, but the look we exchange says everything.

"well... thanks for bringing it." my mother in law says to her still enthusiastic older sister.

"oh of course. i thought i'd add a little something different to the table. a little western touch for our dearest daughter in law's sake." she enthuses, oblivious to the looks of everyone around the table. even the kids are quiet.

"wow... thank you aunt. that's very thoughtful of you." i respond politely and junho stifles a laugh which spreads to ara.

"you don't have to eat it." seonghwa whispers and i nudge him with my elbow.

"looks funny." seonghee's son says, breaking the silence and seonghee looks at him completely defeated.

"sweetheart." she breathes out and everyone laughs, including aunt vera.

"eunbyeol, dear. eat your carrots." my mother in law says to our daughter but miss girl hates vegetables. no matter how i cook them, she hates them. only way to make her eat is if i make a full vegetarian meal. then she doesn't have a choice.

the little girl just shakes her head vigorously.

it was worth a shot. seonghwa and i just give his mother an apologetic look.

as the meal continues, the gratin remains mostly untouched, sitting forlornly in its dish as everyone conveniently “forgets” to pass it around. and by the time desert rolls around, we're all pretty much stuffed. i stepped out to breastfeed the littke monster who woke up screaming her little lungs out. seonghwa ran in panicking before he realized it was time to feed her.

"ready to go see everyone again my baby? wanna be held by big sister byeollie?" i coo at the baby who has a vice grip on my breast and is drinking for today and tomorrow.

"you two still good in here?" seonghwa asks, walking into the room and i nod at him.

"say we're fine papa." i prompt the little girl who is absolutely silent. the way we talk to babies needs to be investigated. "will you burp her?"

seonghwa nods and i hand him the baby who finally let go and he puts her on his shoulder and gently pats her back. once he's done with that we both walk out and eunbyeol is already in front of us.

"mommy, dadfu, is she awake?" she asks, her voice full of excitement. we already know she wants to play with her.

"wide awake." her eyes light up and seonghwa goes to sot down sk that eunbyeol can see her sister properly and her cousin joins in. seonghwa is smiling from ear to ear seeing how much eunbyeol adores her sister. nothing makes him happier than his daughters.

except me, of course.

a little while later, seonghwa joins me at the table where his mother, father, aunt vera, seonghee and ara are still sitting to have dessert.

as the night winds down, eunbyeol climbs into my lap, her energy finally starting to wane and seonghwa is in the other room with eunha and the guys. the room is still filled with the hum of conversation and laughter, and i feel a warm contentment settle over me.

“did you have fun tonight?” i ask her, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

she nods sleepily, resting her head against my chest. “best christmas ever,” she murmurs.

yeah i know she's lying, she says this every year, but okay.

at the end of the night it's that bittersweet time to say goodbye to everyone.

i hug everyone, my mother in law giving me an especially long one, refusing to let go.

"mother, hugging her any longer, won't make them stay the night." junho jokes and seonghee flicks his head, causing him to whine. how this man has a whole kid is beyond me.

"drive safely, okay?" my mother in law says sadly and we nod.

"we will. bye everyone." seonghwa, who's carrying a sleeping eunbyeol says and we go to his car, settling the kids before getting in the car and driving away. another family christmas, successful.

[raxistaicho]

Woah, this one blew up since I first saw it, very interesting.

I thought sealioning was our thing, but Fewix (emblemxeno) decided to toss in his two cents. Badly, as is his won't, but oh well.

First, starting with something Fewix said:

Rhea's a genocide survivor and the "evil red lady" in question was grave robbing her dead family's tombs

As usual, Edelgard had no way of knowing Crest Stones are the body parts of Rhea's dead kin. Thanks to Rhea herself. From Edelgard's perspective, she was raiding a weapons cache hidden within a tomb, rather like how Rhea hid a Relic in her own casket. You can't desecrate a site that's already been desecrated.

and has been complicit in most of the tragedies and dangers that have befallen garreg mach during that year. Rhea should've done more batshit things actually.

She threatened to kill Byleth in an exceptional vicious and traumatic way, my dude. The death she prescribed for Byleth was brutality that would be right out of The Witcher.

We generally frown upon paying evil unto evil.

Also the devs said that Rhea's a cat lover which is why there's animals througout the monastery and there was a plan for her private quarters to be filled with cats/materials that cats love

No, she was planned to be an animal lover, but that got cut from the finished product.

Also nice to hear Rhea's swanky living space was also going to have a private bathroom. I wonder if it had proper plumping, too?

From Diaphin:

being a genocide survivor doesn't entitle her to hold an entire Continent of people hostage due to the notion of her own racial superiority based on her own ancestry. Especially after she chose to already activeöy reward the benefactors of said genocide.

I'm not quite sure I'd call it hostage, but Rhea definitely did believe humans weren't fit to govern their own affairs. The whole point of the Church of Seiros was to maintain order as a holding pattern until Rhea could bring Sothis back to life to continue ruling the land.

And funnily enough…isn't she a heretic to her own religion in CF? In CF, Edelgard gets crowned with Sothis living Vessel and chosen successor as her witness, who protects her from Rheas judgement in an act of divine Intervention. Rhea loses all authority as archbishop of Sothis the second she doesn't accepts Byleths judgement. According to the Central Churches own teachings, everything Edelgard does in CF is right.

Heheh, and I take full advantage of that in my fanfic, On Black Wings. Byleth grants Edelgard a lot of legitimacy in the eyes of the faithful thanks to Rhea spreading word of her divine status before the Holy Tomb.

But yes, basically all of that. It's actually a shame 3H proper doesn't go further with those implications. Yet another issue of project bloat due to having too many routes. Diaphin and I are in agreement it should've just been Crimson Flower and Azure Moon.

From Fewix:

-"Hold hostage" Incorrect that she's holding anything or anyone hostage, when two of the three sovereign nations remain without strict influence from the church in the current era.

Rhea and Seteth don't seem to have gotten the message.

If you're referring to tech advancement, there are in-game signs that she has voluntarily let her influence on such restrictions wane (autopsy, advanced crest tech, mass book printing, etc.).

Aight, so I made a big rant on this one, but I don't give a shit if Rhea later relaxed her bans. She does not have the right to decide how quickly society develops. It happens as it will happen, and it's not for her decide how quickly is too quickly. That more than anything else is a sign of her arrogant certainty that humans can't govern their own affairs. It'd be one thing if she only restrained weapons development, but medical advancements and book-making? Nah, she can fuck right off with that. She's got blood on her hands with just those two restraints, to say nothing of all the others there might have been.

-"reward benefactors of genocide" Rhea killed the ten elites and spared their children because children don't deserve to be punished for the wrongdoings of their parents

Everything up until that is above board (if a bit uncharacteristic of her). It's galling that Rhea chose to allow mankind (and by mankind I mean Faerghus and Leicester) to continue to benefit from their horrific deeds by giving them the Relics when they proved useful to her. She should have sealed the Relics away in the Holy Tomb and never took them back out. Allowing her slaughtered kin to be used as tools of enforcement of the church, Faerghus, and Leicester's hegemony is a disgrace to them.

-"Isn't Rhea a heretic" Nope, because 3H's theological narrative is ultimately to discredit the Divine Right of Kings ("god said it therefore I'm right") and to prop up Mandate of Heaven ("may the ruler be virtuous lest he be overthrown by the people") instead. Rhea's not a ruler of a nation so she can't be overthrown out of her own church, Dimitri is falsely sentenced by the agarthans and traitorous nobles (not the common folk), and Claude isn't ever overthrown either. Edelgard is the only one who can get overthrown by her own subjects in-game, and even in her own route's epilogue there is mention of revolts that Hubert's Secret Police puts down.

Holy shit, that's a non-sequitor stacked with using semantics as a defense. If you're still confused, Seteth said Rhea committed a huge taboo trying to bring Sothis back from the dead. Trying to bring anyone back from the dead is typically the action of a villain in this series.

Edelgard is the only one who can get overthrown by her own subjects in-game

Most of them being,

traitorous nobles (not the common folk)

and even in her own route's epilogue there is mention of revolts that Hubert's Secret Police puts down.

Don't look now, Fewix:

To foster trust, Claude frequently sent Balthus into Fódlan on missions to help quell revolts begun by Imperial loyalists.

Byleth needs foreign help to maintain their throne? Guess they lost the Mandate of Heaven, too.

Also, you got that nonsense on Divine Right of Kings and the Mandate of Heaven from Fantasy Invader, who I consider an anti-source: if he says it, it's probably false.

Also Sothis' crest stone disappears and Byleth's hair turns back to blue, so no, even by your reading, you're still wrong since Sothis took her divine right away after her daughter was killed

Yeah, you're definitely using fucking Fantasy Invader as a source, ye gods.

Yeah, Sothis definitely hated Byleth and wanted to punish them.

Diaphin went on for a bit, but I was more interested in smacking Fewix around a bit, so I'll leave it at that. Merry Christmas, everyone!

I think one of the funniest arguments I've seen in FE Twitter for why Nabateans should be ruling and hold authority over the inferior race is probably how their age and lived experience makes them most fit to rule when the US just went over the issue of its running candidates for leadership becoming increasingly old.

Like yeah, there are old people who through lived experiences and age have gained alot of insights and wisdom, but then there is also your insane grandpa who is angry at kids day and age playing with their Minecrafts instead of working in the mines from 4am to 10pm.

Rhea is a person who gets so insanely angry over her science fair necromancy experiment siding with the evil red lady and her now losing the war, that against every offer to surrender or resolve this war with her dignity and life intact, she instead has the biggest german kid temper tantrum in gaming history and orders to burn an entire civilian city she and her remaining troops currently inhabit and which gave them refuge for 5 years. I wouldn't trust Rhea to take care of my cat without burning the town I live in to the ground because he wouldn't let her pet him.

[starscream-is-my-wife]

In your nature documentary AU, just how wildly would Soundwave make the humans speculate on what is going On there? Depending on which cassette is seen first, several misunderstandings could arise.

Laserbeak gets seen first and it’s assumed that him and Soundwave are symbiotic because the bird can nest in that chest compartment and probably provides something they need to study further to find. Sure, but is that a CAT? Was it waiting to lure the bird? No, they seem to be getting along! Are those- are those straight up children? Between these two and Lil’ Yellow, are THEIR babies also smaller? Also if those two are being carried because they’re the big guy’s kids, then what’s the deal with the bird and cat?

But if they see the twins first then the animals and all of them “hunting” together, there’s the question of how animalistic the species is.

Haha I love those ideas! I'd like to think that Soundwave would probably be forced to be more diplomatic because of how much he and his cassettes are outnumbered with no backup, so while the cassettes won't harm the humans, Ravage and Laserbeak seem to be more competent at hiding themselves and following soundwaves orders of keeping peace then Frenzy and Rumble, who can't help themselves from messing with humans and getting caught first

Personally how I would have them appear is that strange fissures have been spotted in the forests even though these weren't the signs of a normal earthquake, the mystery was solved when Rumble got careless and was rumbling too close to the roads and the two of them got spotted.

They were so much smaller then Bee and must be younger so they didn't want to hurt them, alot were thinking 'damn these kids are causing alot of damage but they are kids' and 'if these kids also have giant robot parents who found out we hurt them we are dead'

Humans set a trap for them using energon borrowed from the 'good' bots and the twins got caught in a drop down cage, when the humans returned with Ratchet to show him, Laserbeak and Ravage had activated the back up traps trying to free them. Not only were there kids there were pets too?? This is when they hear footsteps and Soundwave appears from the forests. The humans take note on how Ratchet is very obviously on edge and putting himself in between them and the other robo family (?) when Soundwave recalls all of the cassettes into his chest. They transform through the bars and fly into his chest??

Z: 'They transform into cassettes??? I thought they can only transform into vehicles'

P: 'That means that the big one must be something that can play them... how strange, maybe its a different species that comes from the same family as our bots'

Ratchet talks to the other Robot the humans can only hear his Siren tuned rant about keeping his cassettes under control, the other bot speaks, it's the popular hit song barbie girl.

To Ratchet, Soundwave says that he will keep an closer eye on them and that they should work together to get off this planet. Ratchet says that they can talk about it later, Soundwave nods and walks off. The humans are like ??? Are you guys both moms???

Soundwave does have a more boxy figure then Ratchet but he's around the same size if not a little taller (Their only reference to a "male" is Orion who is just larger then average) so now they're theorizing if this new species reproduces asexually or doesn't have a family structure, the resemblance the twin cassettes have is way more noticeable then Bee and Angel, also the animals.. are they children? If they can transform into not just vehicles can they transform into other things? What if that tree is a robot? A small group of people are now paranoid of any technology. The main two humans want to see if the animals have a human form too and just choose to be animals. Are they pets? Are they also intelligent? How old are they? Can they speak? Is the dad an animal bot? Are they just a part of the bigger bot he's controlling wirelessly?? Is Bluebie (Blue Barbie) even female??

Soundwave does bring a wave of uncertainty about the all of bots to some the humans... like yeah they could be animalistic and dangerous! Where's the line! And if those things can cause THAT much damage to the town when they're that young, how much damage can a robot like Truck King do? Is their backup plan of using another truck to defeat him not enough? (It definitely isn't even the main two know that before but now the rest of the town does)

[pemprika]

hnk ch. 100 thoughts (spoilers)

Making a full-on separate post because I thought there was a lot to draw from in this recent chapter... I needed to document it, so here is my veryy long thought bubble on hnk 100:

The chapter felt like a depiction of Phos in transition to accepting themself and adapting to a new phase of peace that they hadn’t experienced before. While young Phos had a carefree life, they were perpetually stuck feeling useless, never satisfied with the way they lived, and gradually lost all their friends, selfhood, and purpose.

It’s a little difficult to emotionally match the pacing of the story considering how often the series goes on hiatus now, but note that Phos had only recently come to terms with their own flaws and the reasons why everything ended up the way it did. They had a wish to be happy, and meeting these lifeforms allowed them to realize the meaning of their existence and be more content with it.

That poetic verse was introspective and contemplative. Rather than placing worth based on certain levels, like the gems’ hardness levels or Lunarians’ caste system, these rudimentary rocks perceive that all life is made equal. For thousands of years, gems tied their own value to a designated role, and if they couldn’t fulfill it, they devalued their existence. We saw a lot of perspectives throughout Phos’ journey, including how Rutile “failed” as a doctor for being unable to fix Padapradscha on their own, or how Dia “failed'' to live up as a diamond with refined fighting skills compared to their rivaled counterpart. Again, these are just flawed traits passed down from their human predecessors and the curse of immortality.

The chapter ending conveyed a hopeful conception that all things, primitive or refined, come from the same place (nature). I struggled to connect the details mentioned in ch 97 before, but it gave us sooo much foreshadowing to this new world. Dr. Ayumu said that, “the inorganic things that we had been using for ourselves will soon have a world of their own'', alluding that these little guys that Phos met are the new world.

 Interesting how Dr. Ayumu wanted Adamant to “build the bridge” and Phos to “burn the bridge” in order to create this “beautiful, rational world” to be a more freeing and less destructive place, and refresh the Earth to avoid relying on human values and qualities to stay self-fulfilled.

I was talking with @/mlkinis who brought up an interesting theory of using rocks in this new arc to symbolize the reversion of materialism. The rocks, elements derived from basic nature, have vastly different virtues compared to the gems, a class of refined minerals that developed a habitual routine of upkeep socially and culturally. While gems are also made from the Earth, they are perceived as high-value and are often polished to be artificially beautiful. 

One Buddhist principle reflects on detaching oneself to worldly possessions and desires, such as wealth, in order to attain inner peace, and it seems that having these primitive rocks is a representation of Phos “letting go” of the gem society, which may be another way of showcasing that the world is returning back to life as the way it once was, and that Phos is on a path to attaining ultimate happiness. I’m wondering if Dr. Ayumu’s line, “When you cross that bridge, burn it” refers to Phos leaving their suffering behind as they’re going forth to being happy in this new world that is coming to be...

Anyway, upon reading the passage, along with meeting the sentient rocks and hearing its rock friend sing the verse, I felt like Phos reconciled with their own self and existence, and melted from feeling at peace 🥺😭!! Thank you, Ichikawa as always… This was a very cool and comforting chapter for me.

[mylasteverlution]

Please go into detail about the feld computers

Okay so! We get quite a bit of information about the Feld Playback Experiment, a lot more than I realized before writing this post. The interface of the game (menus, dialogue engine) is actually designed to look like its on a Feld computer. Plenty of other people have talked about that, so I'm not going to go into it here, but I will drop this archived post from the developer's blog for those who are interested.

One thing I do want to highlight from that post:

This computer uses long strips of film for feedback (projection), memory (storing on magnetic tape) and interfacing (submit commands in handwriting) purposes

The strips of film for feedback and the magnetic tape storage are what I was expecting. But using handwritten commands for input was not on my radar! This would be what's called offline handwriting recognition, where text is converted by the computer after it's written (as opposed to online, where you use something like a stylus on a screen and the computer interprets it as you're writing). This is comparatively pretty difficult to achieve, and very error-prone, as everyone's handwriting looks slightly different. Most modern versions of this use machine learning techniques, but I'm assuming these computers used very basic character extraction and recognition engines.

Trant is the only in-game source we get for the Feld computers. And after doing some digging I found him saying something similar:

"As I was saying, the device itself was very elegant, fragile even. One could write directly on the tape using a special chemical solution. The machine would then analyze the handwriting, perform operations and project output onto a white screen. It was a beautiful, delicate thing."

I initially interpreted him saying they "perform operations and project output" to mean that they can process internally, unlike radiocomputers. But this post from the developers is making me think otherwise (thanks @sollandan for sharing this on my other post!):

"These machines have on-air processing. Large prime number stations criss-cross the air. Advanced tape computers use arrays of antennas to sieve through their calculations to perform advanced calculus on site: to run programmes and communicate between the remote corners of the world."

The advanced tape computers being referred to here have to be the Feld computers. I'm still not sure how this kind of processing would work. As far as computing goes, prime numbers are used primarily in cryptography. Maybe their version of 'processing' somehow involves decrypting? People have theorized that the world in Disco Elysium is made of information. If all the information already exists, maybe it's just a matter of decoding it? I'm honestly just spitballing here, but I'd love to hear other people's theories.

Regardless of how they work, it seems pretty clear to me that the Feld computers are meant to parallel the rise of digital personal computers in our world. Like how Trant described them here:

"An elegant folding mechanism of rollers and ferrotape ribbons, portable enough to be a take-it-home solution, revolutionizing business machines, possibly even bringing them to the average consumer."

This reads almost exactly like promotional material for early home computers made by IBM, Apple and such. (Side note: 'ferrotape' here refers to ferric-oxide coated tape, used for magnetic tape storage and popularized for use in computers by IBM in the 50s.)

But in Disco Elysium, this revolution never took place. Computers never made it to the average consumer, as is clearly demonstrated by even the RCM having only limited access to radiocomputers. The only characters I know of with access to computers are Soona (obviously) and Trant (plus his kid), who seems to be much wealthier than the average citizen of Revachol. The thematic significance of this form of communication never becoming available to the masses is not lost on me.

That said, I think ending this on one of the most interesting hints we get on what happened to the Feld Playback Experiment is appropriate:

YOU - "Why did the revolutionaries destroy it?" TRANT HEIDELSTAM - "Who knows? Maybe it was an accident, or maybe they didn't want the technology to end up in the wrong hands. Either way -- they're all gone now, all three versions of the prototype. Nothing but debris and ashes remains inside that building." He takes a step back; the boardwalk creaks mournfully in the wind. SHIVERS - Two seagulls circle in the sky. You look up and think: really? Or was there a fourth prototype that remains hidden in the mausoleums below Coal City?

[jiskblr]

To elaborate:

that version of Bayonetta turns to face our version and is hit from behind by an attack that is strong enough to instantly kill her, despite the series establishing that Umbra Witches fucking dodge everything and don't need to look behind them.

So we're breaking one of the core rules of the series. Not by accident or just barely. Very visibly, very significantly, with no ambiguity whatsoever.

So that's the point.

There is a threat here against which being an Umbra Witch cannot save you. It couldn't save alternate-universe you.

And then again, in case you thought something was wrong with the first alternate-universe you.

The third time it's someone else, to give you a Hope Spot. The fourth time, it crushes the hope by forcing you to actively participate.

At this point, it's supposed to make you feel hopeless and helpless. (You, Brazen, may be undersensitive to this because you're depressed as shit and feel like that all the time anyway.) It's supposed to feel inevitable.

beats the Singularity form but actually loses because Singularity is too powerful, calls in all of the other Bayonettas to beat the next Singularity form but actually lose because Singularity is too powerful

Again, helplessness and inevitability, . Somewhere in here you're probably supposed to guess that Bayonetta's not getting out of this alive.

then gets assisted by the versions of herself from the two previous games

And here we see the second thing this game is trying to do: this is the last Bayonetta game and it's trying to draw on everything about the series people loved to give it a sendoff. Like Raising Steam and The Shepherd's Crown for Discworld.

At this point you know she's either dying or retiring by the end of the game, and I've never played a single minute of Bayonetta games but I can tell that she's not fucking gonna retire even if you give her the choice.

After Bayonetta dies, we go to a New York that's… restored? never attacked to begin with? was everything undone? there is no detail.

Now, this part may be overinterpretation, but I think this is probably symbolic of Bayonetta the series being over. This is a world that no longer has Bayonetta past or future.

Now, TBF there are some things that are probably just pure mistakes. The 'absolutely dogshit minigame' I'd have to hear more but probably the writing and gameplay for that got fucked up. The Luka and Viola story is probably one of the directors being self-indulgent and putting their mediocre fanfic into canon. But most of it was just poor execution of an idea you really really hate.

it's become clear that you people don't truly grasp how Godawful Bayonetta 3's story was

[thetarttfuldickhead]

As big an OT3 shipper as I am, I have to admit that both Roy and especially Keeley both would have a bit of a way to go based on how they end the series in order to be fully happy in the OT3. Jamie on the other hand I'm fairly sure has been up for it since s1 ep 1, and up for it without thinking it would be mostly hate sex from Roy since about S2 ep 6.

Hiya, nonny!

Keeley, I think, absolutely need some time alone. Some time voluntarily alone, I should say,

because she was single there for a bit in season 3, but she sure as hell wasn’t happy about it. While there are issues she need to adress in order to function well long-term in a relationship  (I am still rather upset that Roy is the one to apologise in 2x07, for instance), I also believe she just needs to be on her own for a bit; focus on herself, find out who she is outside of her romantic and/or sexual relationships, decide what she wants the balance between her career and her love life to look like… all that. Interestingly, and for all that she’s emotionally competent, I think that Keeley’s the one of them furthest from actually facing her issues face on. She needs to sit with herself for a bit, come to terms with the fact that there’s things she need to work on, and things she need to figure out… (Also, for her own sake, she needs to give Jamie and Roy time to figure out how the two of them can resolve their conflicts without turning her into a mediator; but the risk of that was arguably bigger earlier on.)

Roy now… Once he understands and accepts wanting to be in a relationship with Jamie, I think he would be very happy to be in the OT3 – but that’s when it gets dicey, isn’t it; when he starts to think he’s too happy? Because then he starts to question whether it can last, whether he deserves it, whether his partners will put up with him, and why should they, when he’s suck a fucking useless twat whom they’d be much better off without? Our Roy boy certainly has some way to go yet – but he’s brave and stubborn and has already taken the first step into Dr. Sharon’s office, so I’m confident he’ll get there. (There might be some macho jealousy bullshit for him and Jamie to sort out, too… and they might get so caught up in that they initially completely miss the fact that Keeley gets jealous, too, and feels left out sometimes, just because Jamie and Roy’s thing have grown so intense over the past year when Keeley was busy with other stuff. Then there’s the whole coach/player deal which I think Jamie is very happy to disregard and Roy… might not be so much, especially not when he’s new to the manager gig. And as much as Jamie might get off on Roy being rough with him, and as much as he understands Roy in general, I think Jamie needs Roy to be a bit more expressive with his affection down the road, or Jamie will start to feel insecure and… Well. Jamie doesn’t deal well with feeling insecure.)

And as for Jamie, I agree that Jamie would have been down for a threesome right from the get-go, but I think it’s fair to say that he would not, at that time, have been able to handle a proper triad relationship. The sex? Absolutely. The rest of it… Eh. Our darling prick had a lot of growing up to do, and while you certainly can do the growing while in a relationship, I think that as hot as the hate sex would have been (to Jamie and to me!), it would have been too volatile to last -- even given the fact that Jamie would probably soften a bit with Roy when given the attention (and reluctant admiration) he wants, which would in turn have Roy soften on Jamie a bit. (That said, I adore fic that explore them getting together early, when things are still very tense between Roy and Jamie, because them trying to navigate that is just messy and delightful.)

But Jamie’s spent the last year and a half reflecting and working on his issues, and he’s also been single for that whole time (as far as we know). He is, I should argue, very ready for a relationship; but he’s not gasping for one, desperate to be with someone just to not be alone. That’s a very good place to start from, so yeah, I certainly agree that out of the three Jamie is the one best emotionally equipped for the OT3 to commence at the end of S3. Which isn’t to say that Jamie doesn’t still have issues and work to do. Roy may have been first to escalate the argument in 3x12, but Jamie went right there with him, and Jamie also has shown a tendency to overcorrect when trying to adjust his behaviour, which may well cause some hiccups down the road. Additionally, while Jamie is often very open and forthright and expressive, he also has a habit of lying when he’d rather not delve into his real feelings or reasoning. That’s going to take some dealing with.

All in all, it’s likely to be a bumpier ride than we sometimes allow for – but to me that’s a feature, and not a bug! I like my ships messy – and at the end of the day, Ted Lasso was never about achieving perfection, but about trying, and trying again. And because – I think – of how much these characters love each other and how well they complement each other, they will keep on trying, stubbornly climbing back to their feet each time they fall down, doing better for themselves and for each other, offering support and encouragment and forgiveness – again and again, as they keep moving toward better; together, and so much happier for it.

[worldlydesiretemple]

a little upset with the chiyo change tbh. i didn't realize or know chiyo was going to undergo a COMPLETE remodel/rework but seeing erissa is just ... man. i understand where people were coming from with their criticisms on chiyo's design but it feels even more backhanded that they just straight up made her (afaik) white.

erissa doesn't have much ... personality? to her design? it's an alright design by her lonesome, but it doesn't signify chaos to any degree. this is just a tiktok influencer to me. and she doesn't seem like an actual child anymore. chiyo was fun in the regards that she's clearly meant to be a rambunctious tweenager and could be seen as such, but now this is just. Ambiguous Older Teen/Young Adult to me.

i don't agree with their solution to chiyo criticism being "oh let's just not make her japanese!" because her being japanese wasn't . the problem? so.

i showed my friends the new design and we all came to the collective agreement she doesn't look like a dark rider or chaotic at all this is a quirky tiktok fashion influencer

[morningmask27]

Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime

[foxgirlmoth]

I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.

Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.

Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

A controversial thought just occurred to me that I've tried to put into words many times now about my hero (Janis Joplin) and other musicians and people who died "tragically" (especially in a "self-inflicted" way), and that is: every time I see someone online, on Youtube or Facebook or wherever, say something (always unprompted/unrelated to what the video/photo/article/etc. is about) along the lines of, "What a waste of their talent/skill their death was," I think, What a waste their death was? What have you said of their life? Why do you only choose to comment on, and apparently highlight, their death? Did their life, and their accomplishments, and what they brought to the world while they were alive mean nothing to you? Have you not a SHRED of gratitude that they were alive at all?

I am quite sure that there is some sort of psychological explanation (and I say that with the confidence of only having a basic understanding of psychology) for why people focus particularly on people's (in this case, celebrities') "tragic" deaths, but is it not a tragedy in itself to reduce those people's lives to their deaths and the fact that they're dead? Why not appreciate what they were able to share with us while they were here? You know?

[kakusu-shipping]

I recently learned about Reverse Selfship AUs (where you are the fictional character and your F/O is the self shipper) and I am so entranced by the concept but have no idea what to do with it.