#i’ve told her numerous times to not do that and she doesn’t fucking care

[voulezloux]

.

[tiktaalic]

Again. Naomi broke new ground. Weh weh I did it all for you. Yeah I know. I’ve been told this by the show seven zillion times. It’s textual I get it. Cas is in love with dean this we cannot possibly dispute. But supernatural NEVER wanted to make a call on dean’s feelings EVER. they killed him to avoid addressing how he felt. They committed to non commitment re: deans feelings. The naomi moment rules for the following reasons:

One. Flips the script and tells DEAN that it’s HIS feelings that are unreciprocated. Like I said someone making fun of cas telling him he’s in stupid love with someone who doesn’t care about him moments are dime a dozen. They’re great. They are numerous. Times when someone tells DEAN he’s in stupid love with someone who doesn’t care about him. Very few. Times where someone explicitly names CAS as the person dean is in love with. Exceedingly few. But there is this one. And it is irrefutable.

Two. She lied through her fucking TEETH! Girlboss. She is the only person in the world who knows to just what extent cas will go to to protect Dean. She screamed in cas’ face and watched him break through brainwashing because dean looked up at him and told him he needed him. And she tucks this information away that cas will do anything in the world because he loves dean winchester. And she turns to dean and says. He doesn’t care about you. And you know this.

Tldr. Vote naomi for textualizing dean feelings, and doing it to twist the knife on his abandonment issues, doing it to sabotage their relationship, and for doing all this knowing she’s fully completely 100% lying zero percent factual about the part that hurts deans feelings

[fucklovefucklight]

I need a place to put this so no one can see it and that is here. I wish someone in my life knew I had a tumble. I wish I had a bond with someone so intimate I could poke up the parts of me that I bury under fakeness. All my interactions feel fake lately. Who in my life knows the 13 year old me who would cling to tumblr as a coping mechanism. Who was messaging their first partner at 12 and their best friend who I kissed once and then regretted. Who in my life knows about the many moon phases of life I’ve transitioned through and how the current one im in is dark and lonely and I’ve been there for what feels like forever. I fucking miss her. I compare everyone to casey. Casey was fucking shit to me and yet I compare everyone to her. I can’t even make fuxking friends without shutting myself off because that is how she started in my life. If I go back to therapy it will be because of that selfish fucking taurus bitch. That is ugly language but she was an ugly partner and did ugly fucking things. I still remember the last night I kissed her and lying on my cold apartment floor rolling after she told me she just wanted to fuck then go to sleep when we both took drugs. Being with her was the Casey show and that was fine for me because that’s all I grew up around. The Michele show, the jack show, the being used for others needs then discarded show. At first with Casey I thought I had manifested my dream partner but in reality the universe was testing me with having the perfect partner already in my life and letting Casey home wreck the fuck out of it. I’m tired of using luna as an excuse. Her dying was traumatic but not the reason I started dating Casey. I fucking cheated on linda numerous times, and almira too. Addie was the last good love I had in me and it took me all of college to “get over her” and now I find myself in the same predicament. I also find myself being painfully aware that without connection and love there is really nothing to live for. I don’t want to grow old alone even if I say I do. I don’t want to have kids as a single parent even though I say I will. I want a fucking family more than anything on this earth. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep going on pretending that I don’t care about being lonely or constantly moving or being lonely or constantly moving. If I knew there was someone to take care of sol there are many times I would have driven off the mountain I was living on in Mariposa. In highschool, there was a reason I got into so many car crashes and I have never said that out loud before but it’s true. I didn’t fucking care about my life and I do now but not enough to want to live it alone. Everyone I talk too bores me, everyone I miss disgusts me, everyone I meet disappoints me and I have genuinely felt like I’m asexual for a while now. I feel like a fuxking shell of the person I used to be and I know nostalgia is a liar but is so fucking good at manipulating it doesn’t feel like lies. I don’t dream about her as much but when I do I wake up and feel like crying and cutting my entire body up. So I come here or my notes and write. Because I cannot keep that feeling of a mixture of disgust and longing inside me any longer. Everyone always leaves even if I’m the first to go. I have never had someone stay even if I’m the one to push them away I just want someone to fucking push back. To fucking see me and challenge me and not leave me. I just want a fucking human to share this fuck ass existence with

[bonny-kookoo]

Rabbit Boy | JJK x Reader | 🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Wordcount: 10.3k (Long)

Genre: Romance, Friends/strangers to lovers, Smut, BDSM because I'm making that a genre now

Tags/Warnings: BDSM themes (please I'm begging you stop reading my shit if it makes you uncumfortable), mentions of restrainment, light shibari, edging, orgasm denial (very mild), Subspace, Domspace because yes thats a thing, Dom/sub dynamics, Biting, Oral (m and f receiving), riding, and not the horseback kind if you know what I mean, protected sex yes, we love an organized household, there's just so much sweet filth istg

Summary: Jungkook is wild, untamed, and doesn't really commit to anyone for long. But maybe, you're his only exception in this world. Maybe, you're really that perfect partner he's been looking for.

Jungkook likes to think of himself as an artist.

Sure, if people knew exactly what the young man does in his freetime (or as a side job, don't judge, we all want to make money out of our hobbies stop lying to yourself), they would surely look at him differently.

But he's an artist, nonetheless.

Technically, Jungkook also doesn't need to do what he does simply for the money. No, his main job pays very well- considering that he's one of the top elite in his genre of games. He doesn't just merely play and win a game; Jungkook, just like most things he touches, claims complete ownership of the match he's fighting. It's a well known fact that he's someone who likes things for himself. He loves control, craves to lead, and hates to be belittled.

Oh and yeah- financially, investing in an indie-game three years back had also done his bank account some good.

Now, at an age where he can be fully considered a man, and not a boy anymore, he craves control in different aspects of life- and love.

Jungkook has a problem however.

He's wild.

Not in the way one might think he is (although several people could argue that yes, that's also the case in bed..) but generally. He loves to control- but he hates to be tied down.

And a mindset like that doesn't work well with relationships.

He's had them before, don't get him wrong. He's had numerous in the past, but they all either broke apart because he would hold that particular desire back, making him antsy and moody, or he would welcome his partners into his world, and become uncomfortable with the way things would progress.

No, he doesn't want to experiment. He knows exactly what he wants, and if that means he's 'close-minded' and a bad person, then so be it for him.

He never liked the constant company in his apartment anyways.

"Ah, I've seen her before. She's usually a regular for Yoongi though." Taehyung says, checking a name for Jungkook, who's doodling on a napkin while he waits for his new appointment to show up. "I see. I forgot that Yoongi took some days off recently- that's probably why she's now under your hand." He explains, and Jungkook huffs, his blonde hair tickling his cheek.

"So I'll have to adjust? I mean, Yoongi's style is pretty different from mine." The young man says, not looking up. He simply continues his little sketch of braided hair, while the lanky guy behind the counter clicks away on his laptop.

"Probably? I can't check the logs since they're private, but from what I know Yoongi only did the usual with her." he explains, shrugging as he looks at his friend and colleague. "I can re-schedule her to Hoseok if you want?" He asks, and Jungkook, after finishing his drawing, lets the pen fall and stretches.

"Yeah, that would probably be best. Wouldn't know what to do if she drops- rather not have him rip my head off, thanks." He says, before he gets up.

"Ah- you're still coming over tonight right? Y/N said she's gonna cook for us." He says, and Jungkooks body shivers a little.

Your name is nothing new to him, but the reaction to it most certainly was. You're a friend of Yoongi and Hoseok, having joined in on their gaming nights a few months ago after Yoongi had insisted you couldn't stay alone on a christmas day. Jungkook had never really asked why you were alone in the first place, but he had never really cared much for it either. Sure, you were an absolute gem to look at; technically absolutely his type, but he had early on decided not to pursue anything at all with you. He knew friendship wouldn't stay friendship with you, his own hunger way too large to simply be satiated by platonic gestures-

and he was also sure you wouldn't be able to handle him, truly. The conversation with Jimin, one of your best friends, had changed nothing about that. Because he didn't know you well enough to quite know if you were only bark and no bite- or if you were genuinely craving the same things he did.

But most recently, there had been a change in his opinion on you. Because he had seen you, come out of this place, out of Yoongis studio.

You knew about all of this- and you were still around.

Nothing had changed.

Now, of course he had instantly poked holes into the poor guy about if he had ever played with you before- and the answer he had gotten, had made him even more interested and antsy to get closer to you.

Because while you trusted Yoongi with everything you had, he had never done anything with you. You had simply been interested in watching a scene unfold- and had told him that you were definitely interested in participating. The reason Jungkook couldn't ask you directly was a clear one-

You were majorly intimidated by him, to the point of, he had never really had a proper conversation with you. Partially, he had to admit, because he himself didn't want to involve himself too much with you.

He’d always asked himself; wouldn’t you be even more distant and reserved with him if you knew this side of him? Sure, you always joked around that he probably tied his girls up and edged them until they cried- but did you know that he genuinely enjoyed these things?

Relationships for him were mere covers to call the arrangements he had with the girls that came and went in his life in a constant changing matter. Deep down, no one night stand could satisfy his most carnal desires, and he was very well aware of that. But he rather took what he could get and lived a fever dream for a few moments than stay on his own simply because his idea of pleasure and sex was not the norm.

No, he refused to deny himself that.

Maybe it was because he’d always lived a rather lavish life- with his parents well off and his own career skyrocketing he never really had any worries like you have had in the past. For some odd reason, while looking at the soft red rope in his hands, his thoughts suddenly went astray; he knew he could give you the stability you oh so craved, in every way shape and form. You were a diamond simply waiting to be perfected- you had so much potential, knowing that you were secretly wandering around the same paths as he did made him even more frustrated.

The hints were there, they were obvious; from the way you had sighed out in bliss when he’d teasingly pulled your hair just hours ago, to the sinful confessions he’d heard that night when he overheard you and jimin by accident. Of course he’d maybe wasted a thought or two of you underneath him to humor him once or twice- but now with the rope in his hands, his mind immediately began painting pictures of it against your skin. Would you enjoy it? And what if he took your sight, or only bound your hands? What if he denied you to cum, or if he took you from behind, grabbing your hair and pushing down your spine to make it arch so prettily- never with the intend to hurt, of course. He knew he’d have to tame you first, make you submit, but then again, he loved the challenge.

You made even the idea of touching fun.

He wouldn't even have to undress you to fully get himself worked up, he was sure of that. Only seeing you bow to his very command would be enough to satisfy him. Of course, over the course of time he would lead you deeper and deeper into his rabbit hole, but he would take it slow for you.

So, with a smile, and a wave of his hand, he walked past the girl he knew had been his appointment- grinning at Taehyung. "Of course I'll be there."

He wouldn't dare miss a night with you.

You were stressing. A little.

Maybe.

Maybe a lot.

Everything would've been fine if they guys would've all come over. But due to the bad weather, and Taehyungs bad habit of never properly fixing his god-forsaken dumpster of a car, only one of them would be able to make it. And of course the one had to be Jeon Jungkook.

Just great.

Now, it wasn't like you didn't like the guy, no way. The problem was more, that he was on the exact opposite of that spectrum. You had a major crush on him, which felt like the plot to a really bad drama show you would watch drunk at night- and in a way, it really felt like one too. Because you were pretty sure, he didn't even know your name.

But oh well- apparently he knew more than that. More specifically, your phone number. And it had scared the shit out of you at first to receive a message from him because how the hell did he get your number, but then again you remembered that one of your connections was Kim Taehyung- and everyone knew what he knew.

It was the doorbell that ripped you out of your skin almost.

You didn't even change, deciding any effort would be too late anyways; and you were still heavily confused in the first place why the fuck he would come over alone, even though you two had never exchanged much more than a friendly hello and goodbye. But there he was, as you opened the door- soft, white hoodie and ripped jeans, a bit damp from the rain outside as you let him inside.

He didn't move.

"Uh-" You started, but he just looked at you, friendly as ever, although a teasing glint in his eye made you frown a bit.

He thought it was cute.

"You didn't tell me to come in." He said, and you blinked once, twice, before your brain had properly restarted.

"Oh uh- come in?" You said, again, moving a bit to the side so he could walk in- which he still didn't. "Jungkook come on now its fucking cold-!" You whined, and he laughed, finally stepping inside. Had he always been like that? Could very well be the case, after all, you had never truly paid much attention to his behavior before.

"Thanks for letting me come over." He said, and you watched him as he untied his boots. "I had nothing else to do- and also, I didn't want you to waste any food, considering Tae said you cooked for us." He explained, before he got up again from his half kneeling position, boots now standing next to your significantly smaller shoes.

"Ah, it would've been fine, you guys don't have to feel bad." You waved off, smiling. "I was about to stop cooking anyways when Jimin had texted me, but well, then you did and uhm.." You drifted off, noticing how you were suddenly waiting for him to lead the way.

In your own apartment.

What the hell?

If he noticed however, he didn't show it. He simply smiled, and moved his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie. "Ah, thanks. I appreciate it, really." He said, and you smiled at him as well, walking towards the main area of your apartment. It was small, very small compared to his own, but he enjoyed the feeling of it. Everything around him reminded him of you, in a way; from the pictures taped to the walls, to the stickers on your fridge. It all held a piece of you in it. "Your apartment is really nice, by the way." He commented, and you turned around, before getting plates and cutlery to bring inside the living room.

"Ah, right, it's your first time here." You said. "Thanks- the living room is right around the corner there, you can just sit down and I'll bring everything there." You explained, and he smiled, nodding without arguing.

You liked that.

Typically, there would've been this awkward 'oh no let me help you', but Jungkook didn't seem to dwell on it much, letting you do your thing instead of butting in and making things weird. He simply walked where you had directed him, sitting down on the couch as he went to place a blanket to the side. His fingers moved over the fabric for a moment, noticing how everything on the couch, including the pillows, were made of that same, soft material.

Interesting.

"Oh- you can just put that to the side, sorry I forgot to clean that up." You said, putting the food onto the table as he just smiles again. He waits for you to sit down as well before you turn up the TV volume a little, nerves finally setting in as you notice there's almost nothing you can talk to him about. "This is awkward." You comment, and he chuckles at that swallowing his bite as he looks at you.

"Doesn't have to be." He states, before he turns his body a bit more into your direction; a visible sign that he wants a conversation. "Tae has never mentioned what you do for a living." He states, an unasked question of his. He lets you decide if you want to take it as one or leave it as a statement- it makes you feel nice, in a way.

"Ah uh.. it's really boring, so I guess I never really talk about it either.." You say, and he tilts his head a little, a silent urging for you to continue. You feel insignificant next o him and his job however. He's superior to you in any way, and you don't want him to feel pity or laugh at you for your job. "I uh.. I'm a programmer for a.. pretty unknown game studio." You say, body almost shrinking in on itself as you wait for his reaction. Much to your surprise however, he makes a sound that's purely surprise, as he swallows his bite with a bit of urgency.

"Fuck really?! That's so cool though!" He argues, brows furrowed a bit as he playfully accuses you with his next words. "Indie or not, a programmer is the main force of any game. Did you work on any games I might know of?" He asks, eyes sparkling as he realizes he had finally found something to bond with you over.

"Uh.. 'Rabbit Boy' was our best hit until now.." You say, still a bit shy, but you're also a tad more confident now. His reaction is either well-staged, or he's genuinely interested in what you do.

"I played it I think. It was a bit short, but I loved the mechanics." He says, and before he can quite stop himself, his hand has already reached out to you, running over your hair as he praises you like second nature. "Wuah, so smart!" He says, before he gets a reaction he wouldn't have thought he'd get from shy-you.

Because you playfully shove him, your socked feet pushed against the side of his thigh as you giggle at him.

Interesting, again.

Now, Jimin has actually told him about this before. How you were anything but the shy girl when you were around people you knew and trusted. He had believed it- to an extend- because he had also thought that maybe you were like that to prove your spot between those guys. As the only girl, you easily got thrown under the bus, so you had to somehow own your spot in the midst of your circle of friends.

However, it seemed like you were truly just a brat, hiding behind that innocent facade of yours. A barking dog, with every intent to bite if needed.

And Jungkook knew, he'd love to tame you, show you your spot, and make you his prey.

The trashy movie your watching bores you, in a way. Jungkook has noticed this already, having taken note of your feet wiggling around, your teeth nibbling on the inside of your cheek, as you rest your cheek on your hand, elbow resting on the side of the couch.

“I don’t know why she’s so hesitant.” You mutter, pouting as you slump into the couch- uncaring that the side of your body now leans against his own. He feels your warmth- and for some reason it brings him comfort to notice that you’re seemingly growing more at ease. “I mean, it’s what she’s into, right?” You say, brows furrowed as you watch the screen.

“It’s not that simple.” Jungkook explains, trying to not make it obvious that he’s not necessarily talking about the movie. “Some men like to you know.. fight for a partner. Impress them. Win them over.” He explains, and he can feel you shift a little- until your head raises a bit, watching him as he watches you; gazes locked, and you can’t look away. You’re shy, you’re growing restless, but his eyes are like magnets; there’s no way you can avert your gaze.

“And.. you?” You ask, voice not loud at all, as if you don’t even notice you’re saying it. He loves that- loves the fact that you’re slowly letting him closer- not only physically.

“I like to earn my spot in their lives.” He states, and your mind suddenly begins to spin. You’ve always seen him as someone who doesn’t care much about emotions or feelings, or relationships for that matter. And maybe he doesn’t- maybe he just says this because he knows your weak spots. But the way his words fall into your ears makes you believe him. “I like to see my partner thrive; I love to see them grow. And..” he says, boldly deciding to slowly reach out his hand that was placed on the back of the couch- his fingers running through your hair, only brushing through, never pulling (no matter how much you’re craving it secretly). “I love to see them let go.” He humms out, and there’s a sudden shiver down your back, one that he definitely notices.

This is it. This is where you’ll let him touch you, let him wreck you, let him ruin you. You lean in closer, and so does he, but just when your lips are about to touch, he smiles gently- a warm affectionate gesture that you’ve never seen from him. And with it being directed at you, it’s even more meaningful- but it’s all about his next move, the way his inked fingers trace your cheek, before he speaks.

“You’re not ready yet.”

And with that, he turns back to the TV.

You huff, and it's the first time you know exactly what you're doing. You knew from Yoongi what Jungkook did in his freetime- you knew that this stuff was his expertise. Defeated, you looked down towards your knees, as your thoughts start to grow more and more frustrated. He probably didn't even see you like that, having only visited you out of pity, and not because he wanted to see you.

You were probably already friendzoned, and he was too nice to outright say it into your face. It made your emotions turn sour as the situation grew more and more awkward for you.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, and you don't answer. What was there to say anyways? You really didn't want to have this weird conversation where he would tell you that oh yeah you're a nice girl, but he's not the right guy, the usual stuff you've already heard time and time again. "Y/N." He says, his voice dropping a little, but you only chew on the inside of your cheek again, eyes moving towards the TV screen. You didn't want to talk- you just hoped he would now sigh and get up, leaving so you could forget about all of this. You could maybe fake being sick for the next week or so to avoid him, yeah, that would be enough time to gloss over this entire situation. But he only clicks his tongue, hands suddenly moving your legs as he moves your body to face him.

Looking at his face is your first mistake.

His eyes are dark and almost angry, irritated as he looks as you. His jaw is clenched, and his hands stay on your knees for a moment, before he's sure enough that he has your attention. Only then does he speak, his voice nowhere near as soft and light as it had been before. "I know what you're thinking, and I don't like it." He says, and that's when you make your second mistake.

"Can we not right now? You don't know shit." You say, and he stares you down for a moment, until his head tilts a slight bit, eyes growing predatory as the corners of his lips tilt upwards. It resembles a small smile, yes, but it's not meant to be one. No, the first thing you have to think about is a wolf snarling at you, ready to put his packmate into their place for acting out.

It makes your spine tingle.

"Hm, maybe, but we can be classy about it, no?" He asks, and you scoff, trying to move your legs away from him, as he scans you.

At this point, he can see clearly that you're testing him.

So he gets up promptly, moving you around so you're standing in front of him. His inked hand finds your hair, gripping without mercy as he pulls your head back, your gaze now forced to stay on his as he calmly speaks. "You think I'm not into you like that- and you're as wrong as you could ever get." He says, biting his tongue as to not let a petname slip. He'd love to use them, but he knows that it's not yet time. That would be foul play, in a way; he doesn't want to seduce you.

He wants to make you understand.

"Trust me when I say I'd love to just throw you over my legs to spank that attitude out of you right now." He explains, and you whine- not in pain, but simply as a reaction to his confession. "But you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He continues, and pulls a bit to interrupt your next words. You know that you can get free any second you want to- but for some reason, there's no urge to do so. "You think of this as some game to play, you think of yourself as someone who can take all of it at once, but you don't even get the simplest and most important things about this entire thing." You swallow, as you stay still, finally giving up your fight as he relaxes the grip he still has on you. "Even now, it's not me controlling this situation. Its you." He says, letting go of you as his hands rest on your cheeks, eyes searching for any clues of discomfort. Only when he finds none, does he continue. "I will only ever have as much control over you as you're willing to give to me." He smiles again, this time, warm and comforting. "If you're really willing to do this, we will do this right. You'll have to trust me first, and I'll have to get to know you fully first, before anything else happens. Understood?" He asks.

And you nod.

"Do you know what you just agreed to?" He chuckles, and, shyly, you shake your head.

"See?" He grins, breaking skincontact with you. "You're not ready yet."

His brows furrow when he sees you sitting on the counter, Taehyung talking to you. "What're you doing here?" He asks, and you pout, as Taehyung moves away, not wanting to get involved into anything this time. "Stop that face. We talked about this last week, why're you here now?" He asks, and you tilt your head innocently.

"Maybe I'm here for Yoongi?" You say, and his eyes grow darker for a second, before he composes himself.

"Good try, but he's still off work." He states, and you deflate a bit.

"I just.. wanted to see, I guess." You say, and he smiles a bit impishly.

"Oh? I mean, I have a scene in twenty minutes.." He asks, and internally, you cringe. No, you don't want to see him screw or even touch another woman in the ways you secretly want him to touch you instead. No, you're technically here to maybe talk him into show you at least a little bit. But it doesn't seem like he'll cave in anytime soon, so you sigh out.

"Okay, okay, I'll see you around, I guess." You say, hopping down from the counter before you take a step towards the exit.

"Ah well, I'll drive you home then." He states, and you grow confused as he leans against the counter. "Seeing as my scheduled appointment wants to leave, I have time off." He states, and you skin tingles. "Come on now, before I change my mind." He states, as he walks you outside again, leading you towards his car.

"I didn't mean to turn up so.. I don't know. Sorry." You said, and he gets into the drivers seat, shaking his head.

"I can understand you, trust me." He says, as he starts the engine and drives off. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to get something from my apartment, and then drive to yours." He says, and you tilt your head.

"Why not to the studio, or your place?" You ask, and he nods.

"While those are places I feel comfortable, they're unfamiliar to you. It's best if we start in a place that's comforting and gives you a sense of security." He states, and you nod.

Jungkook, in your eyes, never really seemed as mature as he's acting in those moments. It's as if he switches every time you two change topics; any time this particular one comes up, his mood changing into a serious one. Now, you're not stupid, you know the risks- and of course you had somewhat done your research online about the damages that could occur during all of this. And there's also the not too little chance it really isn't something for you after all- and in a way, that scares you. Because you want jungkook, but what if you don't want.. this?

Instead of voicing that out, you simply keep quiet as he gets out the car, and inside again after fetching what looks like an overnight bag. "You're staying over?" You ask, and he simply throws it on to the backseat.

"Maybe. We'll see." He says, and you don't question him as he drives. "Let's get something to eat. What're you craving?" He asks, as he keeps his attention on the road. He notices how you seem to think, already able to practically see the gears turning inside your head. "Don't think about what I could want. I asked what you want." He says, calmly, and so soft, that you simply let your words out.

"Tae usually get's me food.." You start, and Jungkook nods, as if understanding. You watch him smile a little.

"Let's get some junk food and eat it in the car." He simply states, and you nod, happy that he seemingly really did get what you were trying to say. For you, things like these were almost like rituals- like you and tae getting random icecream just to hurry home every time to not have it melt.

Maybe this would become a memory only for you and Jungkook.

"You're nervous." Jungkook says, speaking out what's obvious. You don't know what he'll do, you're confused whats in his bag- you're nervous, just like he said. "Why is that?" He asks, casually sitting on your bed with you. He had earlier told you not to panic-clean it; he was not there to be impressed. He was simply a visitor for now, nothing more, nothing less. You shrugged. There were a lot of reasons you were nervous. "If you want this to work, I need to have proper communication with you. Guessing will get me nowhere." He says, but his voice is not upset. He's simply informing you.

"I.. don't know what you'll do?" You say, and He smiles, sitting more comfortably, as he shows you his open hands.

"I'm not gonna do anything for the moment." He tells you, and you shrug.

"But wasn't that the plan?" You ask him.

"What would you want me to do then?" He asks instead, not answering your question. He's testing you, he want's to know if you really are aware of everything. He's also not only asking you about what you want him to do to you- but with you, as well. He was unsure if you wanted to romantically involve yourself with him, or simply explore something new at his side.

He's afraid he'd be okay with either, just because its you.

"Are you going to tie me up?" You ask, and Jungkook grins, before he laughs. You're growing shy, unsure, and he instantly makes sure you know he's simply laughing about what you said, not about you. His hand holds yours- and it's weirdly reassuring.

"No, although I can imagine you looking very pretty in that position." He says. "No, come here." He says, lays down on the bed, and you stay where you are, with reasonable distance between you two. "I want you to come as close to me as you feel comfortable. Don't force it- take your time. I'm not expecting anything, please remember that." He tells you calmly, not looking at you to give you mental distance from him as well. His eyes are actually closed, his body relaxed.

You don't move for a moment. You want to test how long he can really play this patient role- but after around five or ten minutes, he's still not moving. He's not even saying anything, and you're unsure if he's asleep or not.

There's only one way to find out.

You carefully lay down a little away from him, on your side, simply looking at him. It's weird to see him like that; you've always imagined him to be a very dominant and demanding person, from what you've heard and seen of him. But Jungkook doesn't feel like any of the guys you've been with; he also doesn't feel like Taehyung, or Yoongi, or Hoseok.. Jungkook, weirdly enough, feels comfortable. He's relaxed, and laid back, and still has that slight glint of power over you.

You move closer, your curiosity getting the best of you as scenes and pictures of him holding you fill your head. Is he even a cuddler? You can't imagine him being all soft and sweet for gestures like that, but then again, you didn't really think you'd ever be in a situation like this either. Maybe you were judging a book by its cover.

He smells nice- that's one of the first things you notice once you get closer. One of his arms is stretched out to the side- his tattooes visible, but partially hidden by his sweater sleeve. You want to look at them, so you test the waters- by touching his arm, just a small poke with your finger. You can see the corners of his lips twitch; he's definitely awake. You move his arm a little, inside facing you as you get a detailed look at his artworks. They're detailed, they fit him, the dark Ink a stark contrast to his skin.

His sweater seems soft.

You slowly lay down again, your head resting on his biceps as you simply lay for a moment.

This is nice.

You feel more and more bold with every minute that passes, not even minding the way he sometimes moves around. You're growing at ease, so much so, that you simply throw all hesitation out of the window, and cuddle up to him. one of your hands is on his chest, while your head rests ontop of the inside of his shoulder.

This is really nice.

"Are you falling asleep?" He asks, voice not loud at all, as his arm moves, palm resting on your forearm as he holds you. You don't mind it- you feel relaxed enough to really actually do fall asleep- so you nod. "That's good." He tells you.

"But didn't you bring stuff to try?" you ask, and Jungkook nods.

"We got time. A small nap is always a good idea." He tells you, and you simply nod- making him smile.

He's glad.

Because by falling asleep on him like that, you don't even know how much you've complimented him at all. You're relaxed enough around him, comfortable enough to let him close to you in a vulnerable state such as sleep. It makes him wonder how far you'd let him go- would you let anyone get so close so quickly? A sudden rush of protectiveness curses through his body, fills him up, as he swears he can't let you go now. No, what if someone else gets you like this? What if someone takes advantage of your open mind like that? He doesn't even want to imagine.

Jungkook really has it bad.

You slowly wake up to a bit of weight on your face. "jungkook what're you doing?" you giggle, and he chuckles as well as he takes the hand away from over your eyes. He looks well rested, with his eyes still not fully open.

"Nothing." He says. "Just teasing." He says, but of course, nothing he does is just random teasing. Everything he does is calculated- it's to test you, to study you, to make sure he gets to know you. "Are you hungry?" He asks instead.

"Not for food."

He has to let that process for a moment, until he laughs. He's really got it with you, he thinks, as he suddenly moves, eyes dark, while he's now ontop of you, his hands holding your wrists. Expecting you to look surprised, he finds none of that however. It intrigues him, the way you don't seem to be nervous or fearful at all. It makes him wonder what you'd really do to him if he was to advance in ways he wanted to. "Careful, sweetheart." He says, and your eyes sparkle with a silent challenge.

"Or what?"

His grip gets a bit tighter at that, eyes a bit darker. "Someone's eager." He says lowly. "Don't you think you're biting off more than you can chew right now?" He asks, before he clicks his tongue, slowly falling into his own headspace. He knows however not to let himself slip. "Give me a random word." He asks, demands, and you say whatever finds your mind in that moment.

"Bunny." You say.

He raises his eyebrow for a second, but doesn't question it. "I want you to say that, loud and clear, as soon as you feel uncomfortable." He lectures you seriously. "It doesn't matter what it is. Physically, or mentally, or if you simply don't want me to continue because. I need you to tell me that you will say it." His gaze is intense, and you nod. "I promise you; I'll never get mad, or upset, or angry, or disappointed with you. My ego isn't worth your safety." He humms out at the end, and your eyes soften.

He notices it instantly, and it affects him more than he'd like to admit.

"I promise I'll say it if I need to." You tell him, and he grows comfortable again.

"Can I touch you?" He asks, softly, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a yes. "Remember; I'll only ever have as much power and control over you as you will give me." He mumbles, head now dipped down to ghost his lips over the skin of your neck. "But once you give it to me-" He says, his knee situating itself in between your legs to spread them in a silent command. "-I won't give it back." He growls, before he bites down, releasing the skin after hearing your delicate mewl, kissing the spot as if to apologize.

He's not sorry.

"Let me ask you.." He says, feeling you rut against his leg that's pressed against your center. "what do you really want from me?" He asks, and you open your eyes, movements slowly coming to a halt as you notice the way he looks at you.

He almost looks uncertain.

"I.." You want him. You know that- you want all of his bad habits and weird quirks. You want to get to know him and everything that comes with it. Hell, he was the main reason you even got into the entire scene in the first place. "You." You say, deciding its best to practice honesty.

"Me?" He asks, genuinely a little confused.

You nod. "Yeah. You." You say. It's a little weird, the whole situation, but you don't mind it. Your hands slowly slip out of his grasp, before they instead intertwine their fingers with his. He feels weirdly caught off guard by the gesture- his past encounters and relationships never having included things like these. So much so, that Jungkook genuinely believed those things to be simple movie-gestures. Overdone, and not realistic. "Like uhm.. if you want to. If you just want to, you know, I.. guess I'd be okay with that too-" You say, looking away, as Jungkook answers.

"I want you too." He answers, eyes searching yours for any glimmer of dishonesty. But he doesn't find it- there is none. There's just you. "I really want you too." He murmurs out, getting closer, before he lets himself loose, his lips finding yours.

He's never been a fan of kissing, but he can very much already imagine kissing you for hours.

Its not just you letting go in that moment, its him too.

Because unbeknownst to you, he's not just opening you a door to his world of unspoken fantasies-

He's also opening his heart as well.

Your first time together is slow and comfortable.

It happens just a day after you had both decided to pursue an actual relationship with one another. He's gentle, careful, but not hesitant. He's exploring.

Inside of his head, he notes down every noise and every twitch of muscle. You sigh as he eats you out, the small ponytail of his unable to hold onto all of his hair as his eyes are partially hidden behind the blonde strands. He's watching you, his fingers having already stretched you out, but then he sits up. You whine, with him having stolen your release for a second time. "Let's play a little, yeah?" He says with an amused yet calm tone. You're already unable to do much about your position; your wrists bound to your bed over your head, carefully tied knots comfortable against your skin, as long as you don't pull. "Legs open." He calls out as you try and close them, and you whine again; testing his patience as you still go ahead and disobey his command. He watches, moves forward, before he pulls them apart again. "You want to cum, no?" He asks, and you nod, frustratedly so. "I wonder what made you think you've earned that reward from me." He tells you, eyes scanning your form as you pull on your restraints a little. He's not fully into his own headspace yet- he's still very much on high alert to notice any signs of discomfort coming from you.

He has to learn just as much as you do.

"You're lucky you're so sweet." He says, before he crawls closer again, his hand on your center, as he enters you with two fingers. Its not enough, but then his thumb draws circles on your clit- and you're approaching, quickly. "Hm? Won't you cum?" And then you say it.

"Can I?"

It's so desperate, so needy, so submissive, that it sends a chill down his spine. He moves closer, kisses your neck, as he can't help but let the rush of it get to him. He is, after all, just as desperate for release. No matter if its his, or yours.

"Such a good girl, of course you can." He tells you. "What a sweet one, such good manners.." He teases playfully, and you tug at your restraints as you come undone under his hands. He unties your wrists and you're holding onto him as soon as you're free, and he lets you hold onto him in your post orgasmic bliss.

Its after a moment that you realize it.

"Wait-" You say, sitting up to look at him. "You- I mean, you didn't get to-" You start, but Jungkook waves it off.

"Its fine, really." He tells you, and you know he's serious. "I'll just wait until it goes down, or take care of it in your bathroom if thats okay with you." He says, patting the side next to him to lay down on. "Come here." He asks, and you comply, before you speak again.

"You.." You start, not looking at him. "Could just take care of it here." You say. "Or I could.." you start, and he looks at you.

"Do you want that, or do you only feel like you have to?" He asks, and you shrug. You take some time, before you answer.

You've seen most of Jungkook until now. From his strong arms, his back, his inked skin, to his thighs and legs. You have seen all- but that. And you've never really considered giving anything back in that way to anyone because of one single embarrassing moment- but with Jungkook, for some reason, you wanted to try.

"I want to." You say, and he nods. "But I don't know how.." You say, and he smiles reassuringly.

"I'll guide you." He tells you, before he scans your face. He's never really felt that desired- at least not in the way he does in that moment with you. "You can take it out for starters." He says, and you nod, before you hesitate a little.

Jungkook is nice, when it comes to that. He's patient, always lets you do the pacing for now, until you trust him enough. This is only the start, after all. You stay cuddled up to his side, but your hand ventures towards his sweats, where you can see his prominent erection still waiting. Slowly, you push the fabric down, both his sweats and boxers underneath- his hips lifting a bit to make it easier for you, until he's freed from his clothes.

You've never really thought much about looks when it came to that department, but Jungkook was, in each and every way, highly attractive. Now you knew, that there was literally nothing about him you didn't desire.

Your first touches are a little hesitant, testing the waters, and Jungkook tries not to react too much to it to give you time. Its when you start to move your hand however, that he closes his eyes, head now completely resting on the pillows beneath as he just decides to enjoy what you might give him. His hips twitch upwards a little after you'd run your thumb over the head, precum glistening while your hand uses it as lubricant to move more smoothly.

He sighs out.

And you grow bold at that, moving to sit up and escape out of his embrace, before you dip down to feed your curiosity. As your tongue touches his skin, his muscles contract, the action not expected since he didn't look what you were doing. You've been told once before that you're not.. the best at this- but Jungkook made you want to try. If you would've looked, you would've spotted the intense stare that Jungkook had been sending your way; mesmerized by the way you tucked your hair behind your ear oh so sweetly, before you let a drop of saliva escape from between your lips, taking him in soon after it had dropped onto his awaiting length.

You really were something else.

He'd gotten head time and time before, and it was never something he didn't like- but he'd also rarely ever cared that much emotionally about the person giving it to him. It's weird, how an emotional connection can make you so much more sensitive to things- such as in that moment, as your tongue moved over his skin while inside your warm mouth, lips heavenly on his cock.

He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be inside you.

There's nothing he could teach you, nothing he could tell you to do, as you moved, sucked and licked. He was breathing heavily already, his hand finding yours as you hold onto it. He sits up, can't help it, has to somehow touch you while you're not letting go of your task. His palm escapes your hand, rests on your head instead, runs through your hair before it grips a little. You moan, vibrations making him throw his head back as he groans out, feeling his end coming closer. "If you don't want to swallow, let go." He grits out, but you suck harder instead, and its when your hand finds his balls that he lets himself fall back onto the mattress beneath, shooting his load into your mouth as you swallow it down.

He's on cloud nine.

You're thoughtful enough to pull his underwear and pants back up, laying on your stomach next to him, waiting, watching, with impish eyes. He looks so radiant, so relaxed, so at ease. It fills you with a weird sense of pride; since in a way, its your doing. "Why did you tell me you don't know how to do that." He comments, rather than asks, slowly calming his breathing back down. His eyes open, hand pushing some hair out of your face. "Thank you. That was amazing." He says, and you shrug.

"Thanks for the compliment." You say, looking at him.

"I have a request." He says, and you nod. "Not like that." He teases, making you blush. "No, but seriously." Jungkook knows that you've been with other people before. It scares him to know that some of your experiences might not have been good- he knows some absolute horror stories Taehyung had told him. "I want you to take all that you've experienced with your former partners.. all those moments, emotions, bad memories, all of it." He tells you, hand now resting on your cheek- a gesture in which you lean into. "And throw them away. Forget them." He tells you.

"This is a new start, for both of us."

"How many clients have you been with?" You ask, casually sitting on the kitchen counter as Jungkook washes the dishes. Its your first night in his apartment, and you're more comfortable than you thought you'd be.

"None." He tells you, and you're ready to snort out a laugh, but he doesn't look at all like he's joking. Seeing your confusion, he continues while scrubbing a plate. "None of us actually have sex with our clients. Some only come to talk, really- others come to let go." He explains, and you nod. "I've never touched, nor been with someone intimately during a scene." He tells you.

"So you had scenes with your partners then?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"In the beginning, yeah." He admits, shrugging. "But I eventually gave up on it. It's not something a lot of people find very appealing. It all looks great in theory, but when practiced, most find its not for them." Draining the sink, he dries his hands on the dish towel, before putting it in its proper place.

"Could you.. imagine a relationship without it?" You ask, and he sighs, shaking his head.

"Not really." He looks at you after a moment. "Its who I am, and its how I love. I can't change that." He tells you, and you nod. Its understandable really, and you like that he has clear lines he likes to follow. It's weirdly comforting to know that he has his life so under control- its all you've ever wanted really.

It's something Jungkook might be able to give you.

It was weird, the feeling of the rope against your skin. He’d been right about it earlier; it wasn’t rough or itchy at all. But maybe that was just because it was him doing it. Maybe he was simply fogging up your senses.

It would make sense.

“Okay?” He humms out, voice gentle and calm while he stops his hands for a moment, palm on your shoulder where it warms up your skin. You’re unsure what okay really means- okay like, he’s finished? Or is he asking if you’re okay? Or is he asking for permission? “Speak to me- don’t just think.” He says, eyes watching you in such a manner that made your slightly trembling body calm down.

“I’m not sure what- what you mean by, okay.” You say, and he smiles, eyes roaming over your body for a moment, but surprisingly not in a way that would make you feel exposed. You’re almost naked, after all- only your most private parts hidden from his sight. You can see the very evident tent in his pants; but he doesn’t seem like he’s frustrated or fazed about it.

“Good Job telling me.” He says first and foremost, and you start to feel warm inside. “I was asking if you were okay. Do you remember your colors?” He asks, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a ‘yes’. He nods again, a hand running over your head, fingers running through your hair affectionately. “Good. I’ll finish the last knots now- remember you can stop at any time. Don’t hesitate.” He says, and you nod.

He grabs the rope again; the tiny fact that he’d chosen one in your favorite color making you feel.. well, you didn’t know. You could feel your nose sting, before it shot into your eyes, making them water; something that Jungkook immediately noticed. “Color?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“Green, Green, I’m okay-“ you say, but you can’t stop the tears. He’s quick to sit down in front of you after tying the last knot- and it’s the first time you quietly look at them. They’re so delicate, so well done, but there’s no time to dwell on it as he lifts you chin gently.

“Talk to me.” He says, hands on your shoulders to give you some sense of stability. You’re safe, you don’t feel bad, but just..

“I don’t know. There’s so much-“ you begin, and he softly smiles, as if you’re not currently completely bound with no chance of proper movement. You take a deep breath, holding it before you release again, silently following the advices he’d given you prior. “Why do I feel so.. comfortable? I feel safe even though I’m in such a dangerous situation- I’m.. this is weird isn’t it, I should be.. I don’t know. Why’re you not doing anything? Wasn’t this supposed to be like, a sex session or something I don’t get it-“ you babble, and he lets you, before he speaks.

“You still don’t quite get it, do you?” He asks, and your glistening eyes stare up at him. “I don’t need something as simple as sex to feel satisfied.” He explains, and you nod, even though you don't quite understand. "I feel euphoric right now, even though you probably won't quite believe me." He says, his smile evident as his fingers trace the knots on your skin. It's there that you see it; the glimmer in his eyes, something you've never seen before with someone else. "The fact that you let me do this, it's all I need." He humms out. He looks at you, a silent question, and you take a deep breath.

You don't quite know what you're doing. Its weird- but seeing him like that makes you feel weightless. It happens slowly, you don't quite grasp what it is, but the feeling is nice. It's like letting go- like standing on the highest platform of the universe and just jumping down. And when you open your eyes, all you see is him.

He can't take his eyes off of you.

He's seen it often enough to spot it, knows what it looks like, but it still holds such a deep meaning to him to see you fall into your subspace for the very first time. You're so beautiful like that, so ethereal and enchanting as you lean forward to get closer to him. He's careful you dont accidentally hurt yourself with the big scissors on the bed close by- emergency equipment to release you asap if needed.

He knows escape is the furthest thing on your mind right now.

Able to do anything he'd want with you, he's not like that however. He's responsible enough to let you float for a moment, before he speaks to you again. "Baby?" He asks, and you nod, nuzzling his shoulder as he holds you close. "You're doing so good. Can you do something for me baby?" He questions again, and you nod, not parting from him however before he talks again. "Can you sit straight for a moment? Just like that, good girl." He praises as you instantly follow his command. "I got you, okay? I got you, you're safe." He repeats, as he slowly unties your body. It's careful reassuring and slow movements that make it possible to untie you- too quickly could make you drop; a state of sudden shift in mental state, that could send you straight into distress. Jungkook doesn't ever want to be the cause of that for you.

You're underneath him, and he's careful, as he undresses after placing the scissors onto the bedside table where it cant lead to any accidents. He also reaches inside the table, pulling out a condom from a box safely stored, before he gets himself ready.

Not even for a second is his attention not on you however.

"Hands up baby." He commands, and you do as he wants, already squirming as he advances towards you, fingers stretching you out as you grow huffy at the prospect of being edged again. He's quick to catch on though. "Hm, I'm not gonna be mean baby." He tells your fuzzy mind. "But I gotta get you ready, no?" Fingers steadily helping you relax, he waits until he deems you ready.

You struggle to keep your hands up as he enters you, but your mind is adamant on keeping his command. He groans out, kisses your neck, as he slowly begins to move lazily. It's enough for pleasure- but not enough to make you cum. "Good fucking girl. Look at you. My baby." He chants, and something inside you stirs at the last words.

His Baby.

You're his.

He wants you.

It makes you whine as he chuckles, nipping at your skin. "You can touch me baby, good job." He says, and your hands are instantly around his neck. You're mumbling something, but its not words. It's not coming out the way you think it does, and Jungkook doesn't mind, doesn't care. Its another one of those things fueling him up, urging him on.

You're his perfect puzzle piece.

He lets go.

"Turn around princess." He says breathless, and you follow his instructions eagerly. His hand rests on the back of your neck for a moment, leaves its place for a second to move your hair away from your face, before he gently pushes down. He's inside in a heartbeat, this time thrusting with more strength.

Something overcomes him that hasn't happened before.

Usually, this position is what he loves most- and yet, it's not what he wants. He wants you, he wants you close, he cant touch you enough. His arms snake around your torso, just underneath the bottom of your breasts, as he pulls you towards him. Your back arches so prettily, and he gasps out, breathing heavy as he continues his attack on your neck. "You're mine." He growls out, can't keep it inside anymore, his grip on you tightening. "Mine." His thrusts stutter, his hand reaches for your center, desperate fingers helping you find your release. It coats your thighs, stains the bed, and he pushes himself as deep as he can once he finishes himself.

He's breathing heavily, he's out of his mind, running on autopilot as his hands still hold you. He pulls out after a moment, a whine from you getting reassured by his own voice, before he leaves the bed, getting a warm damp washcloth ready for you. He's careful, gentle, seems to caress your skin more than clean it, places kisses every now and then and sends praises your way.

"How do you feel?" He asks, voice low and caring as he continues his aftercare.

"Like you love me a lot." You sleepily say, eyes still foggy, and he smiles.

"Good." He tells you, reaching out to kiss your lips, still high on his own afterglow. "That's how you're always supposed to feel like."

"I've quit." He tells you one night on the couch, as you sit close to him. You'd asked him about his sidejob at Yoongi's- and this was his answer. Instantly, you sit up straight, fearing that he might've felt obligated because of you. "Before you start, yes, it was because of you." He says, and you already have the whine in your throat- but it doesn't make it out, as his fingers lazily trace your collarbone peaking out from his shirt you're wearing. "But it was also my decision. I just didn't enjoy it anymore- and you're more I could ever want really." He says, shrugging as you stare at him.

It was still new to you.

Although you knew that he was probably more than just a wild loverboy collecting partners and gaming all day, you never would've thought of him like this. He's a kid at heart still, teasing and playfighting every now and then- but he's mostly a strong shoulder to lean on for you. He really is the security and safety you'd always searched for. "What're you thinking about?" He asks, pulling you closer as he continues watching the TV show.

"You." You say, and he chuckles.

"Cute." He answers. He looks at you for a moment, TV long forgotten, before you crawl over his lap, shirt rising enough to give him free view of your thighs and panties. You've skipped the pants tonight- a habit of yours he enjoys a lot. His palms instantly find the soft skin, running along the outside of your thighs before they find your behind, squeezing, before he slaps it playfully. He grins as you squeal, admiring the way the very tips of your ears turn red. "You're really precious, you know that?" He tells you, and you shrug. "You are." He confirms, and you smile shyly.

"May I kiss you?" You ask, and he smiles warmly.

"We're not in a scene baby, do as you wish." He tells you, and you nod, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. Its a feeling you can't quite get enough of, and it seems like he enjoys it equally as much. His inked hands find their way underneath your shirt, running over your back and spine as you shudder. He doesn't find what he seeks, your underwear long gone and left in the bedroom, and he loves it, instantly moves to your chest where he finds the soft flesh, his thumb running over one of your nipples teasingly. You're arching your back already, moving around as if you can't sit still. "My baby." He mumbles out, "If you can be so kind and get me a condom, you can ride me if you want to." He tells you, and you nod.

By now you easily know your way around his apartment.

So its no wonder you quickly return from your now shared bedroom, condom in hand as you approach him again, settling onto his lap. You're not shy with him nor his body anymore, eagerly taking the condom out of the package for him to roll it down onto his length. "You good?" He asks, and you nod, pulling your panties aside as you slowly sink down on him.

He lets his head rest back on the couch, and you lean into him, for a change returning the favor of kissing his neck. He's grinning, throughoutly enjoying things, and you love watching him. It's a visual reminder to yourself that this is your doing. You're making him feel that way, and no one else. It makes you confident, and it makes you feel cherished in ways you haven't felt before.

Once you start to move, Jungkooks hands help you along. Its slow and lazy, not at all hurried. There's no real goal; you probably wouldn't even mind not cumming at all. This was just being close- a way of feeling connected in the most intimate of ways. Connected like only lovers could be.

You love him.

And it slips out as a tiny 'I love you' in between your sighs and gasps, and he hears it so clearly, he can't help himself but speed up the pace.

"I love you too." He chants out, kissing the side of your head as you rest against his chest, head on his shoulder. "I love you so much." He says, almost inaudible, his arms holding you as close as he can.

Jeon Jungkook doesn't need sex to feel satisfied.

But he will most certainly need you for now and forever.

And he's totally fine with that.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. You know the drill. I know where you live. I don't. But still. Be scared. Boo.

[callsignspark]

first of all: you're so kind!!! I was smiling so big reading your comments!! and I'm SO thrilled that you liked this, this installment truly would have never happened without you, so I'm happy I could deliver!! I was worried about how well I would accomplish writing a teenager, so I'm glad it came out well! Bradley. is. her. big. brother. there's not other option!!! he truly is so cringe in this one, like Bradley have an ounce of awareness please!! you make a good point that he's usually so in tune with her and her emotions, we'll chalk this one up to being yelled at by Penny for destroying her rose bush and the added pressuring of his little sister watching him like a hawk. I can't wait to read more of your Bradley and Amelia!!! they're gonna be so fun!!

i love how easily she razzes him? like doesn’t even miss a beat? and yeah bradley why DO you have all those bags??? - if there's one thing about Amelia, she's not missing an opportunity to fuck with Bradley. any chance she has, she takes it. and about the numerous bags (which we've already talked about) but a friend of his really did win them. it just wasn't Mary. it was Fritz. someone’s kid was doing a fundraiser and so they all bought tickets for a chance to win the basket prizes. Mary said about the ‘save the earth’ basket “oh! I have those same bags!” and Bradley (being ever so chill) was like “I need to win that basket” so he convinced Fritz (an aviator Mary isn’t super duper close with) to help him try and win the basket. Fritz won and Bradley was like “you keep everything else but I want the bags” and that’s the story of how Bradley ended up with 15 reusable bags that match the ones Mary has. such a loser.

first her hoping he’ll trip is HILARIOUS!?! and second SHE NEVER SAID A NAME! YOU PLAYED YOURSELF BRADSHAW - she was actually hoping he would fall out of the car if she timed it justttt right but no such luck. the government should employ her to get secrets out of foreign operatives. they'd never see her coming. (Bradley just is an idiot when it comes to Mary, that's the actual reason he gave himself up so fast)

HA everything about them flows so nicely? like just does all this stuff second nature? it’s a testament to the writing how natural everything is 😉 - this is so kind and I wish I could claim it's my amazing writing skills but this is just something I've had to yell at my sister and cousins so many times. why do children crave being almost run over by an F-150??

HES SO CUTE AWWWW HE WANTS HIS SISTER TO APPROVE THE GIRL HE HAS A CRUSH ON! - standing there in his service khakis (Penny dropped Amelia off at the base where Bradley couldn't run away), fidgeting with crushing his loaf of sourdough he got sliced by the bakery, all twitchy and nervous that she won't like Mary's photos on Facebook (which are so cute not because she's an aesthetic girlie but because she's just careful about what she uploads and makes sure everything looks nice)

i’ve told you this, but i genuinely think about that scene so often it makes me laugh so hard like it must’ve been SO awkward - it was so awkward because it was the first time Bradley was really alone with a kid. he didn't have any siblings, and his "cousins" (other class of '86 kids) were his age and the younger ones would have never been left in his care because he was also just a kid. and as a young adult/up to the mission, he wasn't talking to Mav or Ice so he really distanced himself from that family that had formed after Goose passed.

to quote amelia ‘you absolute simp’ - it took everything in her not to say it out loud, stronger than any Marine

exactly! you nail their dynamic so well? like yes he still treats her as a kid, but he respects her opinion and clearly likes spending time with her. he doesn’t treat her as an adult and you don’t write her as a small adult, you write her as a teenager which is perfect - I think I said this to you? but Bradley treats Amelia like Carole treated him. with respect because he knows she's old enough to make decisions and know "adult" things but still helping her and shielding her from things that are too much for a 14-year-old. he actually loves spending time with Amelia, right until she makes him feel old and then he's threatening to take her back to her mom (he never does, it's almost always a production when those two say goodbye)

she raises a good point - when Bradley follows that up with, "Don’t worry, if I know your mom like I think I know your mom, he’s definitely in trouble.” and the eyeroll? he's 90% sure Penny is withholding sexy fun times but he's not about to say that to Amelia lmao

oh i can just picture them doing driving lessons in an abandoned parking lot or something and like amelia doing something reckless and bradley yelling and then her yelling but they’re both yelling because they got scared not because they’re mad 🥺 - they do driving lessons in the Bronco at Mav's hangar because there's nothing around for her to hit. except for the hangar. which she somehow almost hit. Bradley had to get out of the car and walk a few laps, but before that please picture Tina and Bob when he lets her drive. that's kinda their vibe but more yelling like you said lmao.

this was so cute 🥰 she’s like yes it is me, mariella vertucci but how do you know my name small child? - Mary and her dumb little jazz hands joke 🥰🥰🥰. she's pretty sure who Amelia is (Bradley doesn't know very many teenage girls ya know?) but not totally sure so she makes a joke!

he’s SUCH a history nerd! god i love him - would he have studied history if he didn't want to be a pilot? yes, absolutely. probably would have been a high school history teacher who also coaches baseball. (which okay now I need to write this)

STOP! this is so sweet! oh my gosh!!! and the way she asks which photo he has up is so typical teenage girl! oh my gosh that’s his little sister 🥺🥺 - Mav and Bradley making up and expanding their little family and being so close they have family photos up at work!!!! she was worried he hung up that one terrible baby photo of her with chicken poxes that he thinks is hilarious.

i love this and i love that they do the math and everything that yes bradley could be your dad amelia! show your father some respect! - he truly wants to die a little everytime she brings up how much younger she is. then Mary adding on that she's actually younger than him (which he kinda figured because she went to school with Payback and he's younger than him but it still was a little pain in the heart)

she’s so fucking funny - "please don't leave me with him!! he's going to talk about the Battle of Midway again and I can't take it!!"

okay first THE TEXTS ARE SO GOOD!! and you nailed the amelia and penny dynamic! and then these NERDS!?! THE BALLET BRADLEY?? REALLY?? - thank you!!! (it was so hard to make them I'm so dumb sometimes lmao) the fact that Bradley has had sex even once in his life is astonishing once you realize how much of a fucking dork he is.

PLS SHES SO REAL FOR THIS - LMAO JUST STANDING THERE LIKE "mom is never going to believe this when I tell her"

that dish sounds so good (unrelated: i haven’t eaten dinner) but her making it when she needs a pick me up? 🥺 sweet girl i know she made it that night after bradley was a dummy (edit: i know she was making chicken parm for dani but shhhh) - it's so good! and so easy, you should make it sometime! it definitely gets made over the weekend and Dani and Reuben are like "UHHH HEY! WHAT'S WRONG???" and she explains what happened with Bradley and that's what triggers the conversation in the hospital room in part 3!

oh god it’s even more heartbreaking than when i brought it up (it’s also better than i ever imagined - me remembering the word flounder and how it perfectly describes how she's taken off guard: nice nice nice, this will be so sad!

oh 🥺 oh no 🥺 bradley!!! oh gosh the way you set this up is perfect because it’s 1) it’s her pick me up meal 2) it’s her grandma’s special recipe and 3) she said she doesn’t make it for just anyone and then here bird boy comes in all “can you share this very personal recipe with me, that’s soooo easy, so i can make it for a random date?” god poor mary! i know she def went home and made it the next day - and from his perspective he's like "this would be great to make for her some day! some easy that she loves?? this couldn't be better!"

amelia saving the day and mary calling her sweetie? almost makes you forget bradley hurt her feelings // DRAG HIM - Amelia is a girl's girl!! and she's just trying to save her future sister-in-law from her idiot older brother

awwwwww stop stop stop my heart! - that subtle little dig?? heurt me to write!

now it’s her turn to explain something to bradley (they’re so sibling coded and this just proves that boys are still stupid even at 36) - and she does not hold back! I imagine she has the same subtle "you fucking idiot" tone that Penny has during the bar scene when she's talking to Mav.

the tarzan album is a work of art - Phil did NOT have to go that hard, but he did and we're so grateful to him for that

i cried when you first sent me this part, it’s just so nice? like plain and simple it’s so nice? and i mean this as a huge compliment, it’s so something a 14 year old girl would think? especially one that doesn’t really have one parent? it’s just a really nice and sweet moment between them, especially since bradley prefaced all this with saying his mom would’ve really liked amelia 🥰 - I've written a lot of sad things recently but I think this made me cry the quickest? like every time I read it, I tear up. especially when he wipes her tears! Amelia is such a good girl, and she's had it rough with her parent's divorce. so the fact that Mav and Bradley (especially Bradley) have welcomed and made her their family, and Bradley is so kind to her?? it just means a lot to her. she's a soft and sensitive kid and Bradley recognizes that. he was the same way.

HIS LITTLE SISTER STOPPPPP - when they get married, Mary and Bradley "fight" over which side Amelia is with even though they don't have a traditional wedding set up. she (and Penny) end up being in charge of the rings. it's very sweet.

bumping into each other. mary and bradley

anon! you are so galaxy-brained for knowing that I wanted someone to send this one to me.

you'll be in my heart

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, fluffy with the tiniest bit of angst, this is set before they're together but they're already friends, also you don’t need to read Mar[r]y Me to read and understand this but you should anyway, also for your reference this takes place between part 2 and part 3/3.5 of the main storyline!

word count: 3.7k

note: happy Friday everyone! please enjoy this one which is dedicated to @gretagerwigsmuse who gave me this idea eons ago but I couldn't find a place for it in the main story!

The Bronco is peaceful and quiet. Or it had been until Bradley started humming along to some 90’s country song, half mumbling the words like a bad duet with the woman singing about the Fourth of July. It had been the week from hell, and this passenger seat was the last place she wanted to be.

“Will you shut up?! God, you’re so annoying!”

“You don’t like Martina McBride, kiddo?”

“You don’t like Martina McBride?” She mocks him, making her voice high-pitched and whiny. “I don’t care who it is, just stop singing!”

She watches him sigh, gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turn white. “Listen, I know this isn’t how you want to spend your Friday night, but please remember that this is a punishment for me, too. And given your options, I’m the lesser of two evils.”

“Oh! Please explain how you are my best option tonight.”

“If you had to go with Mav, you would be sitting around Wood’s house listening to the stories of their glory days while they get drunk! About how they used to pull women and all the dangerous maneuvers they did! So I think going to the grocery store and spending the night at my place is a much better option! At least I won’t tell you that you can’t go on your phone or watch a movie! And I’m certainly not going to make you listen to my best combat stories!”

She folds her arms and sinks down in the seat, muttering, “That’s because most of them are still classified.”

“Well! Yeah! But even if I could talk about it, I still wouldn’t make you listen to the time Phoenix, and I managed to-”

“Oh, Bradley, please!”

“I’m just kidding, Amelia! Geez!” He laughs, making the turn into the grocery store parking lot. “What did you do to piss your mom off anyway?”

“It’s so stupid! I forgot to clean the bathroom when I was supposed to.”

“Kiddo…”

“Okay! Okay! She may have told me to do it like five times, and I forgot until we were about to have Aunt Sarah over for dinner. But I had a big test on Wednesday, so I asked Mav to do it, and he didn’t do it either!”

Bradley parks, reaching into the backseat to grab a few of the reusable bags strewn on the floor.

“Why do you have so many reusable bags everywhere?”

“I- uh-” Amelia’s eyes narrow when he fumbles around, stuttering over his words for no reason. “My friend won them in a raffle and gave some to me because there were so many.”

“Your friend?” She deadpans, knowing he’s hiding something. He doesn’t have friends outside of the Daggers.

“Mmhm. Yup.” His head bobs like a puppet on a string, furthering her suspicions until it hits her.

So she waits until he’s about halfway out the door, hoping he gets so flustered he’ll trip. “This friend wouldn’t happen to be that pretty friend of yours that you have a crush on, would it?”

“How do you know about Mary?” He doesn’t trip, but when he pops his head back in the car, his face is a combination of shocked and scared.

“Her name is Mary?! That’s pretty! Do you have a picture of her?” Amelia bounces out of the car, slamming it behind her.

“Amelia…”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to close it that hard! But can I please see her? Please? You know Mav doesn’t know how to work Facebook, and Mom wouldn’t tell me her name so I could look her up!”

He sighs as he grabs a cart from the corral, rubbing his forehead in frustration. “Only if you promise to not like any photos or do anything weird like friend request her.”

“Can we have pizza for dinner?”

She giggles in his face as Bradley blinks at her. “Only if you verbally promise me that you’re not going to be weird.”

“Promise. Now gimme!” Amelia snatches the phone as soon as he offers it, eyes glued to the profile of the woman her step-brother-god-son-in-law has a crush on.

“I’m being outmaneuvered by a teenager…” She hears him mutter under his breath before he tugs her close to the cart. “Hey! We’re in a parking lot; please pay attention so you don’t get run over! I’m not spending the night in the emergency room.”

“Sorry, Bradley.” She grabs his elbow and lets him guide her inside, her attention on the phone but knowing he’ll keep her safe.

He parks her and the cart in front of the bakery counter, getting a loaf of sourdough sliced before finally asking the question she can feel him holding back.

“So, what do you think of her?”

Amelia looks up, a snarky remark ready to fly when she sees his face. She hasn’t seen him this nervous and twitchy since the two of them were left to their own devices in Mav’s hangar after that mission a few years ago.

Holy shit, he really likes this girl.

“She’s really pretty, Bradley. She seems funny. I thought you said her name was Mary?”

“That’s her nickname; her full name is Mariella. Isn’t that pretty?”

“It is pretty.” You absolute simp. “Why haven’t you asked her out yet?”

He grimaces, directing them towards the bagged lettuce and tucking his phone away. “It’s a bit complicated. For starters, I don’t know if she’s interested. Which normally wouldn’t be a huge concern for me, but we have the same friend group, so I don’t want to make it awkward.”

She nods, appreciating how he never treats her like a dumb kid and explains things to her. “That seems like a very fixable problem.”

“It is, theoretically, but it gets a bit more complicated because we do work together, and she’s not Navy, so I’m not sure what the fraternization rules are.”

“Why don’t you just ask Mav? Don’t get that peach; look at that big bruise on it. Isn’t it part of his job to know those rules? And he could probably give you some advice.”

Bradley sets the bruised fruit to the side, choosing a better-looking one. “You want me to ask the man who is an enormous gossip and took over thirty years to get his shit together with your mom?”

Amelia blinks at him. “You should ask Warlock. He’d probably be better.”

“I think I’ll avoid talking to any of the admirals about it until there’s something to talk about. Alright, to the cereal aisle. Yes, you can push; just be careful.”

She heads out of the produce section, smiling that he knows her so well. “Hey, what did you do to make Mom mad? She didn’t tell me, just that I was spending the night with you.”

“I mowed over her new rose bush because Mav didn’t put up the little fence around it before I started.”

“We both got in trouble because of Mav. Why isn’t he being punished?”

“Don’t worry, if I know your mom like I think I know your mom, he’s definitely in trouble.” He rolls his eyes and puts a box of Cheerios in the cart. “Okay, pick out a fun cereal for me.”

“Fruity pebbles, duh. Now, onto chips!”

Amelia takes off, not running but still moving too fast for a grocery store at 5:30 on a Friday evening. She rounds the corner for the chip aisle and runs into a woman carrying a basket.

“I’m sorry!” She blurts it out over the woman telling her it’s okay, so flustered and embarrassed that she almost hit a stranger with their half-full cart.

Wait, isn’t that-

“Amelia! You gotta watch out! This is what I was talking about when we were driving last weekend!”

“You’re letting her drive? She looks a little young, Bradley.”

“Mary?”

Amelia watches in amazement as her normally calm and collected pseudo-brother starts blushing. Her head whips towards the stranger, who is no longer a stranger.

“Mary?!” She asks excitedly; the kind woman she almost ran over is Bradley’s crush!

And she’s even prettier in person!

Amelia admires the freckles dotting her cheeks and the cute earrings being shown off with her hair pulled back in a claw clip.

“Mary!” She says her own name, throwing her hands out in a ta-da move.

Oh, she is funny!

“Hi, I’m Amelia, his step-sister-by-marriage-twice-removed.” She shakes Mary’s hand, beaming when the older woman laughs at her joke. “Thank you. Bradley never thinks that’s funny.”

“That’s because it’s not.” Amelia turns around and sticks her tongue out at him, where he’s leaning against their cart. “Amelia is Penny’s daughter, which makes her not related to me at all but still occasionally my responsibility.”

“He says that like it’s some burden for him, like we’re not gonna eat pizza and gossip until he falls asleep on the couch at 8:30, with a World War II documentary on the TV.”

“You are just as funny as I thought you’d be.”

“You know me?”

“Of course I do! Your mom has told me all about you! Plus, you’re hanging on Mav’s wall, and Bradley’s got a photo of you on his desk.” Amelia watches Mary smile, crinkles appearing by her eyes, and she feels her heart warm.

She didn’t know that Mav and Bradley had photos of her in their offices. Her own dad doesn’t even have a photo of her. He has photos of his new family, though, she thinks bitterly before tucking the thought away.

“What photo do you have up?” She turns and demands.

Bradley rolls his eyes, straightening up from the cart. “It’s that photo of the four of us at your eighth-grade graduation last year.”

“It’s right next to the Dagger Squad official photo. It’s very sweet.” Mary adds.

“Oh, well, that’s Bradley. So sweet.”

“Knock it off or no more driving lessons.”

She wants to tell him to stop flexing; she can practically see him straining to make his arms look as big as possible. But she can’t take the risk of no dessert after dinner.

“You shouldn’t be teaching me to drive yet anyway. I’m only 14.”

“You’re almost 15! Besides, Mav was teaching me to drive at your age. It’s fine.”

“Fifteen isn’t even old enough to get your permit.”

“Behave, or I’m taking your phone away like Penny told me to.”

“Yes, Dad.” She exaggerates the name, knowing it annoys him.

Bradley slaps a hand over his eyes. “Please stop doing that. People are going to think I’m actually your dad.”

“Well, I mean, you are old enough to be my dad. You’re like, what, 53 now?”

Bradley makes incredulous eye contact with Mary, who has been watching the entire interaction with her hand over her mouth to muffle a laugh. “I’m 36, you little shit, and if you were my kid, I would have been 22 when you were born, Amelia.”

“People have kids younger than that,” Mary interjects, unable to stop the laugh at Bradley’s betrayed face.

“See! Mary gets it!”

“Mary is the same age as me, so she knows that having kids that young is possible but probably not a super great idea.”

“Actually, I’m 33, so I’m younger than you.”

“Oh my god, am I older than everyone?”

Amelia bounces over to the cart, patting Bradley’s shoulder where he’s dramatically resting his head against the handle. “No, don’t worry, Grandpa. Mav is still older than you.”

He peers up at her, a smirk spreading across his face. “No ice cream.”

Mary laughs at Amelia’s devastated face. “Well, I should get going. I don’t want to keep you guys.”

“No! Don’t go! Walk with us! Bradley is so boring; I wasn’t kidding about the World War II documentary.”

“Oh no, thank you, Amelia, but I couldn’t.”

“Yeah, you can.” Bradley clears some space at the end of the cart. “Here, put your basket in there, and we’ll finish out together.”

Amelia watches Mary hesitate, a silent conversation passing between the adults before she sets her basket in the cart. “Thank you, that was getting heavy. Where are you guys off to next?”

The trio continues making their way through the store, Amelia switching between riding on the end of the cart and walking behind the adults.

A scuffle catches her attention, and Amelia looks up from her phone to find Mary and Bradley smooshed together, Bradley’s arm wrapped around her waist as he presses her against the cart from where they bumped into each other.

“Oh, hey, sorry about that. You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Mary giggles, her cheeks turning pink. “We sure are graceful, aren’t we?”

“I think we could walk on stage at the ballet and fit right in.”

Oh my god. Is this his way of flirting?

Mary laughs at the joke, reaching down to put a can of tomatoes in her basket but making no effort to move away from his chest.

Oh wow, she’s into it. Weird.

“So what are you doing for dinner? Amelia Bedelia back there conned me into agreeing to pizza.”

“That’s not true, he bribed me.”

“Actually, you blackmailed me.”

“I’m making chicken parmesan,” Mary answers, grabbing a box of angel hair pasta. “Dani and I are having a girl’s night; apparently, the baby has been craving my mom’s secret chicken parm recipe.”

“What’s the secret?” Amelia hops back onto the cart, smiling as Bradley glares at her.

“You promise not to tell anyone?” Mary conspiratorially bumps shoulders with Bradley as they both agree. “Well… you have to use homemade tomato sauce, made the Vertucci family way. And when you bread the chicken, you add shredded parmesan to the breadcrumbs. It gives it extra flavor, and the cheese makes it nice and crispy when you finish it in the oven.”

“That sounds so good! I love Italian food.”

“Did you know that chicken parm is actually an Italian-American food? You won’t find it on the menus in Italy.”

“Really?” Bradley asks, paying close attention to her.

“Yeah! There’s some dishes that are kinda similar. Like melanzane alla parmigiana - made with eggplant - or carne pizzaiola, which is traditionally made with beef. But most restaurants in Italy have a menu that’s closer to the Italian peasant recipes that I grew up eating.”

“What are peasant recipes?” Amelia questions, unfamiliar with the term.

“They’re just recipes that peasants or the regular people would make. They’re very simple and made with ingredients that are easy and cheap to buy. My family didn’t have a lot of money when they came over from Italy and the Great Depression, so those are the kind of meals my grandparents grew up eating. And they’re still delicious, so they made things like pastina or pasta mollicata for us growing up.”

“What's your favorite?”

Mary lights up at the question from Bradley, her smile getting bigger. “Pasta e piselli, which is just pasta and peas. But it’s so good and filling and comforting.”

“Do you make it a lot?”

“I don’t actually, Amelia, even though it’s very easy to make. It’s one of those recipes I break out for a special dinner or when I need a pick-me-up meal.”

“Special dinner? You ever make it for a date?” Bradley asks as they turn into the last aisle.

Mary visibly flounders. “Uh- I- No. I haven’t made it for a date.”

“Why not? Amelia, what kind of ice cream do you want?”

“Chocolate chip cookie dough, please.” She answers, her eyes bouncing back and forth between the two adults, a bad feeling creeping up her neck.

“Well, honestly, it’s a special recipe to me - it’s my Nonna’s recipe. So, I wouldn’t make it for someone until I knew they were in it for the long haul.”

“Oh, that’s smart! You said it was easy to make. Would you mind sharing the recipe with me? I’ve been looking for a quality recipe that’s not too hard to make for an occasion like that.”

Amelia’s stomach drops as she watches Mary’s face fall.

Bradley! Get your head out of the ice cream cooler and pay attention! You’re making her sad!

She realizes that the situation is quickly devolving and pivots the conversation.

“Hey, Mary?”

“Yeah, sweetie?” The older woman pulls her eyes from Bradley’s back, which she’d been staring at dejectedly.

“You made those brownies Mav brought home a couple weeks ago, right?” She smiles when Mary nods. “Do you know how to make red velvet?”

“I do. Why do you ask?”

“Well, it’s my birthday next month, and I want red velvet cupcakes for my party. Could I order them from you?”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Those brownies were amazing, and Bradley still talks about that strawberry shortcake you made.”

Mary’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline, eyes flicking to a sheepish Bradley.

“That lemon pound cake did things to me.”

“Okay, ignoring the weirdo. Do you think you could make them?”

“Of course! I’ll talk to your mom next week and figure out the details, okay?”

“Thank you!” Amelia jumps off the cart to hug Mary, sticking her tongue out at Bradley as she does. “My favorite color is red.”

“Noted.” Mary taps the end of her nose. “We should probably head for the checkout; I have a pregnant lady waiting at home that I need to feed.”

Nodding in agreement, Bradley pulls Amelia toward a cashier line while Mary grabs her basket and heads for the self-checkout.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Oh, I’m just gonna do self-checkout so I can get going. But I’ll see you on Monday.”

Bradley cocks his head like a confused puppy. “Are you sure? If you wait with us, I’ll carry your bags to the car for you.”

“That’s sweet, but I’ve got it. Been doing this all by myself for years now! Enjoy your pizza, guys!” She waves, her smile not as big as it had been ten minutes ago.

The duo watches her from their place in line, impressed with how quickly she scans and packs her reusable bags, ones that match those sitting in their cart. It’s not long before she’s loading up her arms and flashing a quick smile at them as she leaves, which they return.

“I feel like I did something wrong.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Amelia scoffs. “Whatever makes you think that? How she ran away from us as quickly as possible? Or the fact that she was faking her smile for the last 15 minutes?”

“She was faking it? Why?”

“You’re not seriously asking me that right now.”

It’s their turn to checkout, so Bradley doesn’t get a chance to defend himself until they’re walking through the parking lot to the Bronco.

“Okay, want to tell me what I did wrong?”

“You didn’t ask her out. And she definitely would have said yes if you did.”

“I hinted at it!”

“No, you didn’t! You made it sound like you were asking for her grandma’s recipe - that’s very special to her - so you could make it for some other woman! There was no point at which you hinted at that woman being her!”

He claps a hand over his face. “Holy shit…”

“Now he gets it! Ladies and gentlemen, Bradley Rooster Bradshaw! One of the Navy’s finest! Let's give him a big round of applause!” Amelia mockingly claps after she tucks the cart back into the corral.

“Alright, that’s enough, smartass; get in.”

“In the cart? In the Bronco? You need to start being more specific with your questions.” She sasses as she climbs into the passenger seat.

Bradley doesn’t move once he gets in; just sits there staring out the windshield. “Do you think I fucked it up?”

“No.” She smiles at him when he whips his head in her direction. “Just ask her out to something small, like coffee or something. Then you can work your way up and ask her to dinner, but you make dinner. Maybe even the pasta and pea thing she was talking about. I’m sure there’s recipes online.”

“You’re pretty smart for someone so young.”

“Thanks, I get it from my mom. My dad is the worst.”

Bradley chuckles as he turns the car on. “She is a smart lady. You know, my mom would have liked you a lot.”

Amelia freezes, half-way buckled. “Really?”

“Oh yeah, you have the same sense of humor as her. She’d think you’re a riot.”

“You never talk about her.”

“It’s hard to talk about her.” He swallows hard, fiddling with the radio until he lands on a station playing old music. “I miss her so much. It’s gotten a little easier over the years, but there’s so few people left that actually knew her, it’s tough. Especially because I keep losing those people, too.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes until Bradley turns the radio up. “She loved this song.”

She listens, trying to place the song. “This is the Tarzan song.”

“It is the Tarzan song.” He laughs, his throat thick. “She loved Genesis and Phil Collins, but You’ll Be In My Heart was her favorite. We listened to it a lot towards the end.”

Amelia unbuckles, throwing herself across the bench seat to hug him. She surprises him; she can tell from the way he tenses for a second before hugging her back. She tries not to cry, but she can feel a few tears build up, upset that Bradley doesn’t have his mom or his dad anymore. That he’s lived longer without them than he lived with them.

“Oh, Ames. It’s okay.” He rubs her back when he hears her sniffle.

“It’s not fair!”

“I know, kiddo. But it happened, and at least she’s not in pain anymore.” He pulls back, wiping a tear off her cheek. “Hey, has Mav ever told you about the time me and my mom pulled a Halloween prank on him?”

“No.” She wipes her face. “Will you tell me more about her? I want to know more about your mom.”

“I’ll do you one better. We’ll watch embarrassing home videos while we eat pizza; how’s that sound? Good?”

Amelia nods, buckling back up. “Can we get Hawaiian pizza, please?”

“Course we can. So about this Halloween prank, it’s 1997, and the movie Anaconda had come out that year.”

“Mav hates snakes.”

“Yes, Mav does hate snakes. Which is why we…”

And Bradley pulls out of the parking lot and heads for the pizza joint, making his little sister laugh over the story of how it was discovered that Mav’s screams could reach a soprano octave.

tagged some extra friends/mutuals, and as always if you’d like to be added or removed from the tag list, send an ask!

@gretagerwigsmuse | @hangmanapologist | @hangmanbrainrot | @notroosterbradshaw | @princessphilly | @hangmanssunnies | @thesewordsareallihavetogive | @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby | @katieshook02 | @hellojameshowyadoin | @aristotles-butthole | @atarmychick007 | @whatislovevavy | @kmc1989 | @sometimesanalice | @laracrofted

fic tag | Mar[r]y Me masterlist | credit for dividers here

[serpenteve]

I'm having the horrible realization that Aleksander never actually did any serious wooing of Alina in the books. It's all just Alina her self being horny attracted to him. But this is supposedly???? His grand scheme???? Of manipulation???? Implications! It seems like the girls in these books wasn't the only one slut shamed. I'm- ☠

Leigh wrote a man sexy and captivating and said "it's his fault, actually, that Alina got a crush on him. He shouldn't of.... uh.." Flips through papers. "Ah, had such pretty eyes."

Okay! 👀Yes, we are finally doing this!

I'm flipping through my copy of Shadow & Bone and noting down all the interactions between the Darkling and Alina which I've put in chronological order beneath the cut.

First of all, the Darkling and Alina are only alone together in about a handful of scenes. Most of the time, the are surrounded by other Grisha or Baghra or are in a public place. A lot of the Darkling's actions and words are clouded by Alina's own insecurities. She constantly voices how she feels like she's not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough and he takes it in stride and gently encourages and placates her. There are a few lies he does tell her (that the Black Heretic was his ancestor, that he wants to destroy the Fold, and he doesn't know what Baghra's power is, etc) but if we extrapolate the trajectory of her ill-fated romance arc, I think even book!Darkling would have told Alina about his real plans if she seemed like she'd accept them.

A lot of speculation has been made about the Darkling's seduction of Alina and honestly???? Aleksander literally just exists and Alina is thirsting for him because she's desperately looking for validation and re-assurance. I initially head-canoned his first kiss by the lake as being pure calculation and the kiss at the Winter Fete being 100% accidental (because Dark Lord Sasha played himself lmao) but on this re-read, I don't even know anymore. He already came close to almost kissing her after they have a tender moment, catches himself and then immediately leaves before he can catch feelings. Then when they share another tender moment at the lake, he kisses her and then is surprised by it and before he can really process it, Ivan comes by to cockblock.

Like, even Leigh (as much as she has shit on this ship) said at one point that the Darkling has strong feelings for Alina, even if he may not necessarily quantify them as love. So looking back, I don't read anything the Darkling did as manipulative seduction. He obviously lied about some stuff and wasn't transparent about his real plans for the Fold, but as a military commander who sees Alina as an opportunity for a coup, it makes sense that he'd play that a little close to the chest---especially when Alina has proved to be wary of his powers and has a very black-and-white sense of morality. If anything, this is less "the Darkling seduced Alina to manipulate her into being used!!11" and more "local dark lord tried to encourage his protege and accidentally caught feelings and it was a mASSIVE FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO HIS EVIL PLANS"

But you know who does slut-shame Alina a lot? Baghra. Seriously, Baghra makes Alina feel like shit for her crush on the Darkling numerous times. She has all these lines:

"You want to be [his pet]...Don’t bother lying to me. You’re like all the rest. I saw the way you looked at him."

"Dreaming of dancing with your dark prince?"

"Foolish girl." (After Alina shamefully admits the Darkling might come to her that night)

At one point Baghra creeps on Alina and the Darkling's interactions and even though literally nothing happens between them and when the Darkling leaves, Alina catches Baghra giving her a snooty look. ("For no reason at all, I blushed")

She is determined to shame Alina for her feelings and make her feel like a lovesick idiot for daring to crush on him and this is in addition to all the slut-shaming Mal does. The narrative revealing the Darkling is the bad guy all along while leaving Alina no compelling arc to discover this on her own feels very much like Leigh hitting us all with Baghra's stick, like "Foolish girls! You thought he cared about Alina just because he has a sexy jawline??? HAHA HE LIED YOU SLUTS"

Scenes with Alina and the Darkling in Book 1

Their first scene together is in the Grisha tent. Based on Alina's description of him, she already thinks he's hot as barely any other character in this godforsaken series gets so many descriptions of their grey/smoke/slate/quartz eyes as Aleksander does 😏

The next time they're together he saves her life. Alina is traumatized from seeing a man sliced in half and the Darkling instructs her to keep her eyes on him instead. She is disturbed that he killed the person about to murder her and this aversion seems incredibly contrived and arbitrary on behalf of the author. It's almost like she wants Alina to be vindicated and shamed for not trusting her initial bigotry against him or something 🤔The Darkling admits even he can make mistakes and then he touches the back of Alina's neck (with some secret Heartrender/Healer abilities?) and she falls asleep riding on his horse.

They spend the next few days traveling. Alina notes that the Darkling hasn't spoken to her (probably because he's focused on getting her to the Little Palace without any more assassination attempts) but Alina is a paranoid she's offended him somehow. Again, this is just Alina's insecurity painting a narrative that simply doesn't exist based on what actually happened so far.

They exchange a few words by the stream and Alina fishes for pity points by saying she's ugly and can't possibly be Grisha. Aleksander appears 100% done with her stupidity and says she doesn't understand but he's not in the mood to explain at the moment and walks off ☠️

Alina joins the Darkling and his men for a meal. She notes that the grouse they've killed is meager shared meal but that the Darkling doesn't want to put his men in danger by sending them out to hunt in the forest at night 😌He also sits on the floor to eat like they do and he doesn't take more than the regular portion than they do 😌. Sorry, how is this man the most ~evil~ wizard on the planet? He is obviously a good and fair commander and beloved by the Grisha.

Alina has been checking Aleksander out the entire time so when he catches her, he walks over to talk. He fishes around for information on what Alina has heard about him. He seems sad when Alina mentions she has heard that Darklings are born without souls, though not surprised. He then spins the story about the Black Heretic being his ancestor and how the Fold was a mistake and how every Darkling since then has tried to undo it and how Alina is "the first glimmer of hope" he's had in a long time.

Because Alina is still on that "Grisha are unnatural monsters" agenda, she asks him about the Cut and he explains it but she's still distrubed. He asks her if it would have been better if he used a sword and she replies: "I don't know". The Darkling gets offended and leaves. Alina tries to convince herself she can't have possibly hurt his feelings (because Darklings don't have souls or feelings?) and then feels paranoid that she's failed some secret test. Yeah, the test you failed is called "empathy", Alina 🙄

Two days later, they arrive at Os Alta. Aleksander roasts the Grand Palace as the ugliest effing building he's ever seen. He leaves immediately after dumping Alina at the Little Palace and Alina actually seethes that he isn't paying more attention to her? I understand that it's overwhelming to go to a brand new place, but Alina expecting him to constantly hold her hand and explain everything to her after she basically insulted him is a bit strange.

The next time Alina sees the Darkling, they are scheduled to appear before the King and Queen. The demonstration is a surprise for Alina and Aleksander's lack of transparency of what's expected of her means she's forced to rely on him and trust his instincts. This might be his underhanded way of getting Alina to see that she can trust him; that he will not make her look like a failure or humiliate her; that they are in this together and it will only work if she trusts him.

After the demonstration, Genya and the Darkling trash the monarchy for a bit (Alina is horrified) and then the Darkling orders Genya to get a black kefta for Alina, to which Alina infamously wants a blue one. The Darkling doesn't really put up much of a fight, merely wanting to know why. Alina decides he doesn't approve of her choosing blue and wonders to Genya if he's angry.

After Alina's first day, the Darkling calls her to his quarters to ask her how her day was. Alina is surprised that this is all he wanted to know because she was paranoid he was going to torture her??? She says: "Why shouldn't I be afraid of you?...You can cut people in half. I think it's fair to be a little intimidated." If the Darkling is offended or angry about this, he doesn't show it and merely indulges her. He notes that she has a habit of running her hand across a scar on her palm and asks her about it, tracing the scar himself. Alina gets distracted by his touch but manages to answer his questions: she got the scar at Keramzin, Mal is also an orphan, he is good at tracking. He shows her a secret passage back to her rooms to avoid the main hall.

Alina starts her training and at one point laments that the Darkling is rarely at the Little Palace and when he is, he never speaks to her or barely looks her way and she is convinced it's because she's a failure and can't summon light on her own. It could also be because, you know, he's the commander of the Second Army and is usually seen in talks with other military advisors and the fact that Alina kinda lowkey insulted him with her wariness about his powers???

The next time they are together, Alina interrupts him and Baghra arguing. He politely asks her how she is. Baghra antagonizes her. The Darkling defends her. They talk about amplifiers and because Baghra is being a snarky little shit about it, they take their conversation outside.

Aleksander complains about how annoying his mom is and then asks Alina what stories she's heard about Morozova's herd. At one point he laughs for the first time and Alina practically creams her pants at the sound. Alina expresses her concerns that she can't summon any light and the Darkling says he's not worried and it will happen when it happens and worse case scenario, it will happen once she has the stag. They have a quiet intimate moment, gazing softly into each other's eyes and then suddenly Aleksander realizes he's catching feelings and steps back suddenly like "GoodLuckWithYourLessonsOKayBYE". Baghra watches this interaction from her hut and gives Alina a slut-shaming look.

Alina eventually does learn to summon light on her own. Baghra gives her grief about how it's not enough. The Darkling shows up during one of these lessons and says as much. Alina says she's useless. The Darkling corrects her (“I don't think you're useless, Alina....No Grisha is powerful enough to face the Fold. Not even me”) and then he apologizes for letting her down ("I've asked you to trust me and I haven't delivered"). He wonders if his mother is right and he's crazy to hunt the stag. They have a nice bonding moment, Aleksander lies about Baghra's power, and then he asks if Alina would think him crazy for still wanting to find the stag. She asks why he cares what she thinks, he seems genuinely surprised himself that he cares. Then he kisses her. He seems not to have meant to kiss her because then Ivan shows up for his 5 o'clock shift of cockblocking and the Darkling immediately pretends like nothing happened and walks away with him. Like dude is acting like a fucking dork who's allergic to feelings at this point. I should note here that Alina practically has an orgasm from how giddy she is about this moment. She can barely think of anything else.

The next time they're together, it's at the Winter Fete. They do their demonstration and Alina accidentally reveals her insecurities about how he had kissed her and then disappeared. He responds, "Did you really think I was done with you?" and then they enjoy some steamy kisses and thigh grabbing in an empty room before a random round of Grisha show up for their 6 o'clock shift of cockblocking. Aleksander is annoyed at his own attraction to Alina. He asks if he can come to her that night but Alina doesn't get a chance to respond.

and then the Darklina romance arc falls off a giant cliff and dies a terrible death 😭😭😭

[sasa-gay-yo]

Levi Gives You A Promise Ring

Request / Summary:  Levi worried about reader before a scouting mission (maybe they were hurt in the last one or something), and to make him feel better about it he gives reader a promise ring?

Timeline: Pre-Season 1 

Warnings: some swearin’ and suggested NSFW 

Art Credits: AoT 

He had called you into his office to try and convince you to stay back for today’s expedition. Walking to that dark, stuffy office, you were thinking about the numerous arguments you could give him that would make your place on the expedition team solid. You were a squadron leader. You were one of the best fighters that the Scouts had currently. Levi couldn’t hold you back just because you two had a relationship. How was he supposed to assign you to his elite squad next week when he can’t even let you go on a simple expedition?

However, you knew why he was worried about letting you go today. Last expedition you were injured by an abnormal. A new recruit was shellshocked by seeing his first titan and was easily grabbed off of his horse and body thrown towards the titan’s mouth like a snack. You swung through, shoving the boy out of the way, and your ODM line was caught by the titan. If you were to survive, you’d have to cut one of the wires and fall about forty feet to the ground. Levi watched helplessly as your body fell, but not before you sliced into the titan’s ankles.

Miche was the first one to reach you and pull the abnormal’s dead, limp body off of you. Levi came next, frowning at the fact that you were laughing at your bad fortune. The new recruit was also looking at you like you were crazy, and Levi made them run laps for that after their return. Levi, not able to show care in public, watched helplessly as Miche took you on his horse and cared for you until they returned from the expedition. Miche had done Levi’s job. In the HQ’s makeshift hospital, he watched as Hange wrapped feet after feet of bandages around your middle. Broken ribs and a sprained ankle and wrist. Still, he couldn’t come near you while Hange and Erwin were laughing at your jokes. He just had to sit back and watch the others care for you. At that moment, he decided that you wouldn’t be joining them for next months expedition, but he hadn’t told you of his decision yet. He couldn’t live like that. Always having to watch your risk your life for any member of the Scout’s while he sat on the sidelines.

You, now with a healed ankle and wrist and only a few bruises left on your abdomen, were about to get him to change his mind.

You knocked on his door and a grunt from inside signaled he knew it was you. You opened the door and slid in, closing it behind you. By the way he was sitting in the chair, you knew he was Captain Levi to you right now. Not the man who likes his shoulders massaged after hard training ODM with the new recruits.

“Squad Leader (Y/L/N), thank you for coming on such short notice.” You wanted to roll your eyes at his formality, but you knew that it would give him a reason to actually bar you from the expedition.

“Captain,” you let out, short and sweet so he knew how you were feeling about this meeting. He didn’t smile or smirk at you like he usually did with your sass, he just stared straight ahead thinking. Over and over in his head, he was replaying the image of you falling from the titan hands, your body bounding off the ground on impact. If only you listened to him when he said that it wasn’t your job to save the recruits, then you two wouldn’t be in this position. You crossed your arms, waiting for him to respond.

“I don’t think it to be wise for you to go on this expedition with your injuries still fresh.” He was bullshitting you. If your injuries were still fresh, why did he have you in his bed the day prior? He didn’t care about your injuries when his fingers left bruises on your hips. His secret marks of passion.

“With all due respect, Captain, my injuries have healed, and I’ve been cleared by Hange. I think medical knowledge outweighs your concern. Are you going to not let Petra go on this expedition too when she was injured recently?” He drew his eyebrows in with annoyance, one hand going to rub his temple. Why couldn’t you just listen to him, so he didn’t have to worry about you?

“(Y/F/N) can you just sit out this one, please? Everyone would understand why. There’s no reason to-“

“I thought you said you would never give me preferential treatment, Captain.” Little did he know, his actions when you were injured stung your heart. Even if he felt the need to hide your relationship, that doesn’t mean he can’t care for you as a worried Captain. He just stood there, watching Miche carry you on his horse, no protest or quick jabs of insults. Even when it was only Hange and Erwin, the two people who were already suspicious of you two, he barely looked or responded to your yelps of pain. He would only visit you once a week for five minutes, weary of the others who lay in the cots around you. It hurt you that you were visited by that new recruit whom you hadn’t know existed till you saved him more than your boyfriend, who you’ve known for five years. And now, after all of that, he’s showing whatever kind of concern this is by barring you from the mission?

“Are you upset with me for caring about you?” He had completely transitioned from Captain back into your Levi, but you wouldn’t let him have this moment. Your arms were crossed, jaw clench, and your eyes were boring holes into him. These were all the telltale signs that you were angry, having studied them in secret for years.

“You have no consistency, Captain.” He sighed this time, knowing now exactly what you were talking about. Did you really believe he felt no remorse? That he wasn’t fighting inside himself to go and grab you from Miche’s arms? To put the bandages on you himself since Hange was causing you even more pain with her incompetence?

“You know I cannot express my care for you under the watch of the others. Not only is it for privacy, but your safety could be at risk.” This time you rolled your eyes, loud and clear. He doubted so many of your abilities.

“My ability to defend myself shouldn’t be a problem, Captain, and your ability to just show a little care for me as a fellow soldier shouldn’t either. You can patch up Petra’s wounds, but as soon as I’m hurt, your hands don’t work anymore, it seems.” He slammed his fist against the table at the mentioned of Petra’s name. Why is it always Petra? Oh, yes, besides the fact that she told you that she had feelings for the Captain, why was it her?

“Do you think I don’t feel pain when you’re injured?! Is that it? You don’t think I care about you?!” Now, all formality was off. You were yelling. Hopefully, someone didn’t walk by and ruin Levi’s want for privacy. It was a possibility to, seeing that the expedition is supposed to depart soon.

“If you care you have a funny way of showing it, Levi! Not doing anything when I get injured, not visiting me, not tending to my wounds, only to order me to not go on the expedition?! You know my squad needs me, so you’re being selfish now, but how come you can only be selfish behind this door, huh?” You pointed to the wood behind you, the one you were about to walk out of and slam in his face. It infuriated you that he thought he could assert his control over you like this. If he showed you one ounce of concern while you were hurt or in the medical barracks, maybe, just maybe, you would let him. You would stay behind, sleeping in his fresh sheets, and rest a bit longer. But now, it seemed he was only concerned about you because he was in pain.

He stood up slowly from his desk, eyes still on his fist which connected with the wood.

“How dare you think I don’t care about you. Do you know how much I wanted to go to you? How I wanted to rip those bandaged out of Hange’s hands and do it myself? How I wanted to kill that new recruit for not only causing you harm, but for visiting you and talking about you during training?  I’m suffering inside because I can only hold you at night. I can’t sleep when you’re not with me! Do you know how many days of unrest I got while you stayed in the barracks? I want to tell everyone. I want to get up on that damn table in the lunch hall and announce to your little fucking fan club that you’re mine, goddamn it! But I can’t. You know why? I care about you too much to let the Royal Government put a target on your back because of me! To let everyone know that you’re Captain Levi’s would let those who want to kill me know the same. There’s so many in the Underground who I know would jump at the chance to hurt me, and I’m not ready to let you live through my past mistakes. I’m not ready to let you get hurt in front of me while the only thing I can do is stand and watch!” He was breathing heavy at this point, and you had your hand on your heart. It was beating fast at this sudden burst of emotion. You weren’t used to this Levi. Only in your shared bed would he show a glimpse of what the demons he was truly fighting inside, but now he yelled it loud enough that it Erwin was in his office, he would have heard all of Levi’s soliloquy. The last line. That last line wasn’t about his past or the Underground. That last line was about the expeditions. About watching you fall to the ground before his eyes, the titan falling on top of you.

His breathing hadn’t stabilized, and you couldn’t see his face to know how he was feeling. You couldn’t get a glimpse into what he was thinking.

“Levi,” you said, your voice soft. Had you known all of this previously, this problem wouldn’t have occurred. If only he told you about how you felt, and only if you told him your frustrations with his displays of emotion. Your problems were always about communication. Levi didn’t know how to communicate love to anyone.

“Do you know how many times that scene replays in my mind? You falling? Your body smacking into the ground, rolling as the titan falls on top of you? Over and over. Erwin knows about our relationship because he heard me yell for you when it happened. I shouted my name for you.” Your eyes widened, remembering hearing that. Hearing the name that he gave you behind closed doors be announced over the battlefield. The name that signified his private love for you. The name he never used around anyone, for it being too revealing of his emotion. You thought it was your mind playing tricks on you then. There was no way that the man who turned a cold shoulder to you had shouted that out of the battlefield.

“Erwin knows.” It wasn’t a question, but more of a confirmation to you. Confirming that Levi had told someone on his own accord, even if it was because of a mess up. Someone knew about your relationship, and it lightened some metaphorical load on your shoulders. Erwin knew. The Commander knew and he had a whole month to tell you two that it was against the rules for officers to have certain relationships with each other on the pretense of nepotism. That meant he didn’t care, or rather, he approved.

“I wanted to give you something, at a different time and in a different setting, but I don’t think I can let you leave today without it.” That made you lighten up even more. He was letting you go on the expedition.

“What is it?” He opened the top draw of his desk and dug into it, walking over to you with something in his palm. When he opened his palm, there lie a small circle of green jade. Your heart sped up again, not knowing what this was for.

“Levi…?” You asked breathlessly. You two had only been dating for a few months, so it couldn’t have been that, but you’ve almost never gotten a gift like this from him. It was always tea or some chocolates he brought back from meetings in Mitras. One day, he brought back clothes for you, and you had to tell everyone you bought it in Trost, fighting back to the urge to brag about Levi’s care for you. However, this ring, whatever it was meant for, this wasn’t just something you could lie about or hide in your dresser drawer.

“I read about this in a book. The main character wanted to give something to the person he loved, just so they knew how deep it was. Its a promise. A promise to love you. To care for you. As long as I’m alive. No matter how cold I seem to be on the outside, I care for you. I care so much it hurts. And… and if you’re ever in a situation when you’re doubting me, like the one we are in now, then you have this,” he held it up for you to look at, before grabbing you hand and slipping it on. The jade felt cold against your finger, but you were surprised at the sung fit. Your eyes teared up.

“Levi, it beautiful,” was all you could breathe out. You were on cloud nine, receiving this gift of devotion, but also having him say it out loud. The shouts of the past fifteen minutes had faded in your memory with one touch of this jade. He linked his fingers in yours, holding your hand up so he could see and feel the jade on your finger. He marveled at it too, something inside of his tightening at the thought of a ring on your finger. A ring he had given you.

“I promise to be by your side forever, (Y/F/N).” You looked up at him this time, wiping the tears from the corner of your eyes. Never had anyone in their lives devoted themselves to you like Levi just had. Instead of responding verbally, you pulled his face in, kissing him in the middle of his office. His grip tightened on your hand as you did this, allowing you to feel the passion run throughout your whole body.

A knock at the door had broke you two apart, but your hands were still connected. Erwin’s head popped in slowly, knowing that he might walk into to something very different. He’d seen you stalk off to Levi’s office in a huff, ordering some cadet to hitch your horse for you. Yet, he saw that your hands were connected, and when Levi didn’t push you away from him, hands still together for Erwin to see, your smile radiated enough for Erwin to feel his effects. Good. He needed his two best fighters to be happy again.

“Hurry up, you two. We’re leaving and it’s going to be obvious who’s missing soon.” You were the first to let go, knowing that you’d probably have to feign some innocence for the others. The fan club Levi had mentioned liked to know your every move so they could cater to it. You decided that walking down with Erwin was probably the best bet at secrecy and so you bid Levi a smile goodbye before walking out into the hallway with the Commander.

“I didn’t know he told you, Erwin.” The blonde man huffed once in laughter, looking down at your hand. He recognized that ring, Levi quickly confining with the man about relationship advice. Erwin wouldn’t tell you, it wasn’t his place, but Levi was as eager to finally have someone to talk about your relationship with.

“It was due to a mistake, but yes, he told me. He threatened me as well. A very bold move for a subordinate.” You knew he was only joking, and you lifted your hand up to cover your laugh, imagining Erwin punishing Levi of all people for that.

“I’m sorry on his behalf, Commander.” You reached the door out into the field, everyone getting lined up in their formation to leave. Somehow, Levi was already there, sitting on top of his horse with that same neutral expression. When he saw you and Erwin walk out, it didn’t change at all, but this time it left no sting like it had previous.

“No worries, Squad Leader (Y/L/N). I’m glad the ring fits, he was worried about that.” The wicked smirk that broke across your face was confirmation to Levi that Erwin had told you something about their secret conversations about you. He glared at the blonde as he climbed up on the horse next to him.

“I moved Squad Leader (Y/L/N)’s camp closer up in the middle so you won’t have to worry, Captain.” Erwin purposely said that out loud, the others around them trying to pretend they didn’t hear their Commander’s words. Levi’s glared intensified and he gripped the reigns. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you mount your horse, only thirty feet away from him.

“Why would I care, Commander? Good for them. Now when they mess up, they can have us to back up their asses,” Levi growled out, trying to make it sound as harsh as possible. That made the others around stop listening, hearing a normal response from their Captain.

“I’m glad it fit, Captain,” Erwin said lowly, starting his horse to walk up to the front of the formation to give a rousing speech. Levi’s expression softened a bit, but he looked forward, testing out angles that made sure you were always in his periphery.

“I am too, Commander.”

Masterlist

[raebayhc]

Girls Night Out

PART TWO!!!

warnings: smut, oral sex (f), fingering, public sex acts, car sex, use of alcohol, manipulation

word count: 2070

summary: you along with your groups of friends decide to have a girls' night for the first time in a while, things get heated and your friends end up taking turns using your body.

series: part 1 (more parts to come)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally making your way through the crowd you make it back to the group of girls who had already begun to drink. Mikasa’s hand finds purchase on your waist as she pulls you closer to hand you a drink “it’s fruity, you’ll like it” Mikasa knew you weren’t a heavy drinker but when you did drink you preferred fruitier things, you giggled at the thought of her ordering something so girly with the sole intent on giving it to you. You happily took the drink from her hand giving her a warm smile, taking a sip she watches your reaction as your face lights up “holy shit mik- this is awesome” she takes a sip of her rich colored drink “let me taste” you obliged as you held your glass up for her, she goes to hand you her drink but you decline “no thanks, that stuff tastes like rat poison.. I’m better off with my drink from paradise” you laugh, she lets out a small chuckle at your cuteness “just try it y/n I promise it’s not that bad”.. “Ughhhhhh fiiiiiine only because it’s you mik” you reply hesitantly. You both lift your drinks to the mouth of the other, not breaking eye contact you take a sip, and as does she, almost as if it was planned yall both swallow squint grunt then let out a small cough a visual representation of how yall felt about each other’s drinks “how do you drink this shit?? Bleh” Mikasa spits out “it’s better than the jet fuel you have in this glass” you shiver out.

The night goes on and all of the ladies are around the bar talking, yall somehow landed on your childhood and how yall used to run around outside all day and play in the woods behind your neighborhood. Mikasa continues to tell the story of how yall have matching scars on the same place at the top of your inner thigh from when yall collided bikes one time as if she needed proof she lifted your skirt to look at the scar, a reminder maybe, “see! Told yall it really happened and I have the same exact one too!” she lets your skirt back down and the girls disperse throughout the building, some dancing, some talking to guys for potential hookups. You and mik still at the bar talking. She cuts your sentence short “wait actually let me see your scar again I think it shrunk” without getting confirmation from you she lifts your skirt and underestimating the length it would take for her to reach the scar she overshot and instead of rubbing the scar she rubs the thigh right against one of your folds, a small whimper falls out of your throat, you didn’t mean to let it out it just kind of happened. Your stomach drops, her eyes dart up to your face, a deep blush forming that you can’t control. She cocks an eyebrow at you and slowly begins to move her hand up closer and closer to your sex, your grip on the bar counter becoming tighter “mik what the fuck are you doing” you spit out through gritted teeth. “I haven’t stopped thinking about earlier… yah know when we basically kissed in the theatre, I haven’t gotten you out of my mind since.” her words lit a flame in you, not only because of how seductive they were but because you were definitely attracted to her, you always have been but you would never dare to speak on it.

“I’ve kept this to myself for far too long don’t you think?” she asks, not able to push out any words fearing you would instead release a moan you nod, your eyebrows scrunched on your forehead, your bottom lip tucked between your teeth, eyes glossy, nipples erect and visible through your thin shirt….. She couldn’t help herself. Slipping a finger into your underwear she groans at how wet you already are “all this… for me baby?” she purrs into your ear. “Mik…. we’re at a bar, there are people everywhere… please..” you whine out, she replies with a simple “trust me”, grabbing your jaw and forcing you to face her she grabs her drink opens your mouth and pours it in “spit it out or swallow it and you’ll regret it” you wince and nod your head obediently “good girl” she purrs.

Now basically crumbling under her touch your thighs are shaky, breathing erratic as you can only breath through your nose due to the rich liquid sheltered in your mouth. She positions her fingers to shape a gun, she then points her ‘hand gun’ at you and ‘pulls the trigger’ taking that same position she pushes into you, knowing you would react to this she lets out a loud cough to cover your moan, thank goodness she did. You’re vocal she likes that. Now pushing in and out of you she takes her left hand and grabs your neck then pulls you to kiss, her tongue prodding at your lips signaling you to open for her, the deep liquid flows into her mouth dripping down your chins, she swallows the liquid but remains in contact with your face against her occasionally biting or sucking on your lip. You knew there were definitely going to be marks later but you didn’t care, this was pure bliss and just the thought of Mikasa getting aroused by this was enough to send you over the edge, your vision gone blurry, your body shaking, reaching your climax. You droop your head down breathing heavy, worried she had crossed a line Mikasa lifted your head only to see a blissful fucked out expression, eyes hazy, drool falling down your chin, your mouth in a slight smirk, tears threatening to fall. “Oh, shit” she mumbles now fully aware of the effect you have on her.

Removing her fingers from under your skirt she dips her fingers in your drinks and encourages you to take them in your mouth which you do without a fight, a low groan escapes your lips as you taste the sweet and salty mixture of your juices, her sweat, and your ‘drink from paradise’ on her digits. Pulling her fingers out with a loud ‘pop’ she pulls a napkin from under her drink and wipes them off. Still recovering from the previous climax you sit there catching your breath, Mikasa’s hand finds its way to the small of your back, she leans into your neck giving you small pecks then comes up to your ear and nibbles on it a bit “.... y’know… there’s so much more I want to do to you.. Bee.” your skin shivers at the name she had given you when yall were in the sixth grade after you got chased by a bee into a creek, you hadn’t heard it in years… she really was something.

You only had one drink so you were nowhere near tipsy, sober as can be….. Unfortunately that cant be said for some of the other ladies. Ymir, Sasha, and Hitch were all out of it fortunately enough you, mikasa, and historia were all sober so yall could drive, you decide to take responsibility for hitch and drive her to the barn. You put her arm around your shoulder “shit. Why the fuck are you so heavy hitch, youre tiny” you spit out struggling to support her weight on you as you walk her to the car “h- hey-*hiccup* hey. Im not heavy I just had done a cartwheel sometimes earlier when she asked me to”. Yup. she’s out of if you think, you’re on the road and on the way to Sasha’s family barn when hitch yells at you to pull into an empty parking lot so she can get air a possibly throw up. Y’know the basic drunk shenanigans. You pull over to what seems to be a deserted parking lot with a raccoon and some dead bushes “okay hitch hurry up” “yeah yeah I’m going I’m going” she seems to have sobered up a bit.. *click* the passenger door opens and the car lights come on “hurry up they’re wai-” you’re cut off by the image in front of you. Wearing nothing but her underwear hitch had removed all of her clothing including her bra revealing her numerous piercings including a belly button and nipple piercings, not only that but she had one hand down her panties moving around doing what you assume is masturbating and her other hand squeezing her nipple “mmph please..please.. Help me will you pretty girl?” butterflies filled your stomach “what’re you-”

Hitch climbs halfway in with her hand on the middle console and one of her knees on the passenger seat, grabbing the collar of your shirt she pulls you in for a sloppy kiss, your grip on the wheel loosens as you lose yourself in the kiss, not only that but you notice she doesn’t taste of alcohol, not even the slightest bit. In fact, you remember about a month ago when she said she was gonna stop drinking and when yall were in the club you only saw her with cans of soda when you did happen to catch a peek of her.. Was she- “faking?” your thoughts cut off by her sudden comment “you know you’re really easy to read y/n, I can tell what’s going on in that pretty little brain of yours honey.” “so were you? Faking I mean.” you say in a confused tone as if you were trying to piece it all together yourself “yeahhhhh sorry but I had to get you alone somehow, don’t think I didn’t notice how Mikasa and historia were all over you tonight, it wasn’t rocket science to figure out they probably fucked you..and to be honest I’ve thought about us together. So please… have me?” she takes your hand and shoves it down her panties, black and lacey, you retract your hand and look at her without saying anything. Worried she might have done something wrong she begins “oh my god I got the wrong idea y/n I’m so so sor-” “get in the back” you cut her off.

Climbing in the back she waits on instructions from you, you join her in the back. You position yourself on top of her laying her head on the back door, you scan over her helpless body so small and fragile under your touch, starting by kissing her breasts leaving marks on the sides of them you move down to her torso. Giving sweet and soft kisses occasionally leaving a hickey or two, you make it down to her covered pussy, kissing above the lacey garment you tease her. “Please y/n please please please I can’t” she begs “I got it I got it” you pull her underwear to the side she releases a sigh of relief not long after followed a scream of pleasure as you plunge your face into her sex, lapping up whatever juices are flowing and gently sucking on the bundle of nerves at the top. “N-not so.. fast y/n... I won’t… I won’t last!!” she manages out through broken whimpers and cries, which only encourages you to break her even more, make her cry out an orgasm, make her the best little pet you could ask for. You stick a ring and middle finger inside of her while your mouth focuses on her clit, not that pushes her over the edge. Her mind blanks and all she can see is white, you speed up to enhance her orgasm, you’re then met with the strong bursts of fluid that fall from her. “She’s a squirter huh” you think to yourself hungrily lapping up as many juices as possible, “mmhmm y/n y/n y/n ahh please you’re so-” her body twitches “you’re so amazing mmm”. You remove your fingers and place her panties back where they belong, sitting up adoring her aroused figure you spit out “you think you’d top me huh?” followed by a cheeky grin and a condescending giggle.

The car lights up and a ring echoes “Ymir” flashes on the dashboard “incoming call”...

THE EEENNNDDD pt.2

AHHHHHH IM SO OVERWHELMED BY THE POSITIVITY AND LOVELY FEEDBACK I LOVE YALL AWHHHH!!! I will continue to write and upload for this series!! Thank you for the patience *muah*

[bloody-bee-tea]

Glance

Jiang Cheng is this close to punching Wen Chao in the face. The only thing that keeps him from doing so is the fact that his mother will have his hide if he does it, and so he grinds his teeth together and steps yet again out of Wen Chao’s immediate reach.

Wen Chao has put his hands on Jiang Cheng more times than he really cares to count and not even Jiang Cheng’s hissed “I have a goddamn boyfriend” seems to deter him in his advances at all.

He leers at Jiang Cheng and devours him with his gaze when he can’t get his hands on him and Jiang Cheng’s skin crawls with it.

“I bet you’re lying about your boyfriend,” Wen Chao even says at one point and Jiang Cheng has to do his hardest not to snap the fingers that are yet again itching towards his waist.

He is lying about the boyfriend—not that he would ever tell Wen Chao that—but he has kept that rouse up for long enough that it’s mostly believable.

His mother tried to arrange dates for him for a long, horrible while before Jiang Cheng snapped at her that he was already seeing someone and didn’t need her help.

She insisted on meeting the mystery boyfriend, but so far Jiang Cheng was able to dodge any too personal questions about it, citing he still needed more time before he introduced him into the whirlwind of their family.

That, sadly enough, seemed to garner a lot of understanding from all sides.

“I am not,” Jiang Cheng presses out now, and slaps Wen Chao’s hand away before he pushes him away for good measure, too.

Wen Chao has never heard of personal space it seems and with every step that he takes closer to Jiang Cheng he feels more cornered, feels more panic well up in him.

Jiang Cheng let’s his gaze roam the room, desperately trying to find someone who would be willing to help him, but his siblings are nowhere to be found and even Nie Huaisang and Mo Xuanyu are gone from his sight.

He doesn’t even have think about trying to get help from his parents, because they would just tell him to suck it up and not be this dramatic but if he’s being honest, Jiang Cheng is this close to either breaking down or exploding in Wen Chao’s face and he doesn’t know which would be worse.

When his gaze catches the eyes of another person Jiang Cheng doesn’t even take the time to properly recognize him; instead he immediately starts to convey his dilemma through his eyes, hoping that the guy will have enough compassion to come and save him.

Jiang Cheng’s stomach drops when the guy looks away without moving and he’s hurt enough by that blatant dismissal that he allows Wen Chao’s hand to creep up on his waist again.

“See, it’s not so bad,” Wen Chao croons in his ear and Jiang Cheng wonders if throwing up on him would get the point across.

But instead of doing that he simply slaps his hand away yet again, much to Wen Chao’s apparent delight.

“Don’t touch me,” Jiang Cheng snarls at him but Wen Chao only laughs in his face.

“I love the feisty ones,” he tells Jiang Cheng as if he’s imparting some great secret and it makes Jiang Cheng sick to his stomach.

He can see how Wen Chao’s hand is itching to come forward again and Jiang Cheng braces himself for it, when suddenly another hand comes to rest on his waist.

“I’m sorry I’m late, my heart,” a voice says and then a kiss is being pressed onto the top of his head. “Who is this?” the guy asks and Jiang Cheng sags in relieve.

“Nie Mingjue!” Wen Chao says in surprise and Jiang Cheng blinks before he glances at the guy from the corner of his eyes.

It really is Nie Mingjue and now Jiang Cheng finally connects the dots. He was the guy he made eye contact with earlier and it seems like Nie Mingjue did decide to come to his rescue.

“It’s alright,” Jiang Cheng says with a small shake of his head, and then he steps closer to Nie Mingjue.

His hand on Jiang Cheng’s waist is warm and heavy, and he should hate it, with how often Wen Chao just had his hand there, but all Jiang Cheng can think is that Nie Mingjue’s hand feels grounding and like safety and unlike Wen Chao Nie Mingjue doesn’t use it to jerk him around.

It’s just there; a steady, heavy presence, allowing Jiang Cheng to move like he wants.

And he definitely wants to move closer to Nie Mingjue. It only barely has to do with the fact that he wants to move away from Wen Chao, too. Jiang Cheng takes the step that brings him squarely into Nie Mingjue’s personal space, hoping he’s not overstepping, but Nie Mingjue doesn’t stop him at all. Instead he makes space for him readily.

“Nie Mingjue is your boyfriend?” Wen Chao asks in disbelieve and Jiang Cheng’s stomach drops when he realizes just what he pulled Nie Mingjue into.

Jiang Cheng knows Nie Mingjue—of course he does, Nie Huaisang is his best friend—and pretending that they are boyfriends will get really messy really quickly.

“I would say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but that wouldn’t be true,” Nie Mingjue says, with his no-nonsense manner and Jiang Cheng snorts out a laugh.

“You—” Wen Chao starts but Nie Mingjue doesn’t let him speak.

“Maybe you should go hide at your daddy’s side, before I remember the way you practically groped by boyfriend against his will,” Nie Mingjue calmly advises him, but there’s a sharp edge to his voice and Wen Chao has enough survival instinct to blanche.

“How dare you! You will regret this,” Wen Chao tries to tell them, but now it’s Jiang Cheng’s turn to laugh.

“We will see about that,” he says because he doesn’t think Wen Ruohan cares enough about his son’s hurt pride to pick a fight with the Nie’s and the Jiang’s.

Going by how quickly Wen Chao shuts up, he seems to know it as well.

“Get lost now,” Nie Mingjue advises him and Jiang Cheng presses his lips together to not burst out laughing.

He doubts anyone has ever spoken to Wen Chao like this and he thoroughly enjoys how he goes red in the face.

In the end he slinks away without another word though, and Jiang Cheng lets out a sigh of relieve.

“Thank you,” he says to Nie Mingjue when Wen Chao is out of earshot and he feels more than he sees how Nie Mingjue shrugs.

“You seemed desperate,” he gives back and then takes his hand away from Jiang Cheng’s waist.

Jiang Cheng wants it back immediately.

“I hope I didn’t overstep,” Nie Mingjue says with a wince, hiding his hand behind his back but Jiang Cheng is quick to shake his head.

“No, not at all,” he reassures Nie Mingjue and then bites his tongue when his traitorous mouth wants to add “I wish you’d do it again”.

Nie Mingjue doesn’t need to know about that.

“You told him you have a boyfriend?” Nie Mingjue asks then. “Isn’t he here? I hope he won’t be mad.”

Jiang Cheng looks around before he steps closer to Nie Mingjue again and he can’t help the grimace on his face.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” he tells him quietly when he’s close enough that they can’t be overheard. “I said that to stop my mother from setting up dates for me and then it somehow just stuck around. But Wen Chao will tell everyone that you’re my boyfriend now, and I’m sorry about that.”

Jiang Cheng will have to come up with a reason for a break-up and then he’ll have to endure his mother’s dates and it will be hell for a while, but it’s better than dragging Nie Mingjue into this whole mess with him.

“I’m not,” Nie Mingjue says and it takes Jiang Cheng a moment to understand what he’s saying.

“What?” he croaks out because Nie Mingjue cannot possibly mean that.

He knows Jiang Cheng; he knows what kind of mess he is and there is no way in hell that Nie Mingjue wouldn’t mind being associated with him like that.

“I’m just saying that I’m not against giving this a try,” Nie Mingjue says with a shrug and a light blush on his cheeks and Jiang Cheng quickly pinches his own arm to test if this is a dream.

“You do know who I am, right?” Jiang Cheng asks him, because he very vividly remembers the numerous breakdowns he had in the Nie house over the course of the years; the yelling, raging ones but also the ones that left him as a sobbing mess on their couch.

Nie Mingjue cannot possibly want to have that in his life any more than he already has, thanks to Jiang Cheng’s friendship with Nie Huaisang.

“Of course I know who you are,” Nie Mingjue gives back and he sounds honestly affronted. “And I’ve been paying more attention than you seem to think,” he then adds on and Jiang Cheng jerks with his words, before his memory decides to kick in again.

There’s always that very soft blanket on the couch that Jiang Cheng adores so much, and his favourite drink is always in the fridge just as his favourite snacks are always in the cupboard and Jiang Cheng thought it was all Nie Huaisang’s doing but maybe he was wrong about that.

“I—” Jiang Cheng starts but then he simply doesn’t know how to end that sentence so instead he settles on “You’d have to meet my parents.”

“Okay,” Nie Mingjue easily agrees and Jiang Cheng balks at that.

“No one wants to meet my parents.”

“I can’t say that I want to meet them,” Nie Mingjue says with a shrug. “But I want to date you, so of course I’m going to meet them.”

“You want to date me,” Jiang Cheng repeats weakly, even as his heart beats faster in his chest.

He never allowed himself to give too much thought about these stupid feelings inside of him whenever he thinks of Nie Mingjue, but maybe he’s allowed to now.

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue says with a decisive nod. “If that is something you want to as well. Otherwise we’ll fake a break-up of course,” he says as if it’s the easiest thing in the world.

“Of course I want to date you,” Jiang Cheng hisses out and is not at all prepared for the way Nie Mingjue smiles at him.

Jiang Cheng momentarily forgot about the dimples he has, and it hits him like a brick to the chest.

Fuck, Nie Mingjue is gorgeous.

“That’s decided then,” Nie Mingjue says very smugly and Jiang Cheng doesn’t know how to deal with that at all.

“Stop that,” he hisses at Nie Mingjue who only smiles at him more.

“Why should I?” he wants to know and Jiang Cheng goes red in the face.

“Because it’s embarrassing,” he tells him, but Nie Mingjue only shrugs.

“I don’t think so, and I don’t care. You’ll just have to deal with that.”

Jiang Cheng opens and closes his mouth a few times—much to Nie Mingjue’s apparent amusement—before he settles his face into a scowl again.

“That thing you called me, when you came to save me,” he finally whispers, going red with just the memory of it.

“My heart?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and Jiang Cheng nods, not finding his voice. “You want me to stop that?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Jiang Cheng can’t believe he’s going to have to say it but Nie Mingjue’s expectant look doesn’t give him another choice.

“I want you to do it again,” Jiang Cheng presses out and at least Nie Mingjue doesn’t laugh at him or mock him otherwise.

“Of course, my heart,” Nie Mingjue readily says and leans in to press another kiss to Jiang Cheng’s head as well, for good measure it seems.

Jiang Cheng feels a little bit like dying and a lot like this could be the best thing in his entire life.

“Now how do you feel about ditching this boring thing with me and going on a real date?” Nie Mingjue asks him, his hand hovering over Jiang Cheng’s waist in clear invitation and for this Jiang Cheng doesn’t hesitate at all.

He has been missing the warmth of that hand, the security of it, ever since Nie Mingjue first took it away and so Jiang Cheng steps close enough for the hand to make contact again.

“I feel good about that,” Jiang Cheng admits and is rewarded for that with another kiss to his head. “Is that going to be a thing?” he wants to know, unwilling to show just how pleased he is by that little action.

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue decides. “You have the perfect height for it and I love doing it.”

He seems entirely shameless about it too, and Jiang Cheng’s entire being goes hot at his words.

“Fine,” he presses out as if it’s the worst thing he ever had to endure but Nie Mingjue seems to understand him just fine because he smiles at him.

“Let’s go on that date then, my heart,” Nie Mingjue says and gently steers Jiang Cheng forward, only using the hand on his waist to do it.

It feels possessive, in a protective kind of way, and Jiang Cheng walks slower than he normally does, just to feel the slight pressure of it.

He’s going to get addicted to this feeling—and the kisses, and the endearment and Nie Mingjue in general—Jiang Cheng just knows it, but he can’t find it in him to mind that.

Jiang Cheng is looking forward to it, really.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[wiypt-writes]

Leave No One Behind

Chapter 16: Endings Beginnings

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Summary: Ari and Hannah settle into life back home, but it isn’t all as smooth as they’d have hoped…

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

Word Count- 4.5k

A/N: It was recently brought to our attention that in a few other chapters there have been a couple of things that Ari has said/done that are not technically accurate for someone of Jewish heritage. First up, it was reference to Ari observing a ‘Sunday Roast’ when he visited Mama Navon. We just wanted to remind people that Hannah is of Catholic Christian and Jewish heritage (Spanish Catholic Mother, American Jewish Father) and her and Sammy’s upbringing has always been a combination of the two. So, when Ari visited Mama Navon when he was home from Sudan, clearly this was her tradition he was observing. Secondly, in another chapter Ari was praying to the ‘God and the Saints’. Of course, Judaism does not have saints, so there’s a slip up on our part with that one. As with the third point, when we described Ari rushing Sarah to the alter. He would have rushed her to the hoopa.

Regarding all of the above, we would hasten to add, that Ari grew up in the USA, leaving when he was 18. From what little we learn of him in the film, we know was taken by a British Soldier, who married an American Nurse. From the way he talks about it, we don’t get the impression his ‘adoptive’ parents were Jewish, so that alludes us to suspect he had a largely Christian upbringing, whilst clearly  being aware of his heritage. Therefore, we don’t think it is beyond the realms of possibility that he would pick up the odd little thing such as the above three points.  

That aside, we hope the above didn’t distract anyone else from the narrative as it did the reader who brought it to our attention.

Now, just a personal plea from myself in general. Myself and Storm do this for free, and not being a person who pays much attention to religion at all (that’s another debate in itself) it is for this reason I was VERY nervous about continuing this storyline beyond the plot of the film. We certainly don’t have the time, nor brain capacity to be researching things into any kind of huge depth. It’s why most of my story lines centre along similar types of things that I have a good background in. This fic was never supposed to focus on the ins and outs of a particular race of people, just the lives of two dumbasses in love. As all writers on here, we do this for free, and the moment it becomes hard work or unenjoyable, we won’t be continuing. So any other little slip ups, please, unless they’re offensive, give us a little leeway and put it down to Ari being exceptionally Westernised as pointed out above.

Sorry if this comes across as being a little harsh, but this has been playing on my mind a lot over the past few days, to the point I was seriously considering if we ended the fic where it currently stood. That said, I think we have a lot left to tell of Hannah and Ari’s story so, I’ll shut up now and let you read it…if you want that is.

Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Part 15

“You haven’t forgotten tomorrow?” Hannah heard her mother ask, as the woman stood up from the table while holding the teacup and saucer to place them in the sink. “You do remember you have to pick Sammy up from the airport tomorrow afternoon, right?”

 Hannah rolled her eyes at her mother’s back. “No, I haven’t forgotten,” she sighed as she played with the crumbles of the pastry she had been nibbling on, “I mean, it’s not like I’ve got anything else going on, is it? Seeing as Ari is with Maya and according to Sarah’s stupid rules I can’t be there with them…”

 At that, Maria Navon turned, giving her daughter a sympathetic look and Hannah snorted in anger.

 It had been four months since they arrived back in Tel Aviv, and Hannah had to concede that for the first few weeks it was fine. She and Ari settled nicely in the apartment Mossad rented in Ari’s name once all the paperwork following the end of the mission had been sorted. Ari had asked Isaacs for an upgrade of his living quarters, given he was now having Maya over to stay every other weekend, plus numerous nights of the week. Not to mention the fact Hannah was moving with him. When Isaacs had asked Ari to put a justification forward, he had simply shrugged, “I fucking earned it, Isaacs.”

 So he got it. Just like he usually got what he wanted, one way or another.

 Hannah was back working at the clinic. Her hands and the experience she had acquired while in Africa were needed more than ever now that it was only her mother and her to run it, although how long it was before her mom decided to retire fully was anyone’s guess. It had been a couple of busy months, what with interviewing for new nurses and locum staff, but Hannah would be lying if she denied having enjoyed every minute of it. She might have Mossad secret agent skills, obviously passed down by her father, but she was a doctor at heart. And that hadn’t changed in the two years she had been away.

 The team had split up within a month of arrival back in Tel Aviv.  Ari and Max had been working to help the refugees. Many of them had simply melted away post their arrival, still not trusting the mysterious white men who had come to their aid. However, some had stuck round; being housed temporarily in hostels, and was those who Ari and Max were tirelessly working for. They focussed their efforts on obtaining them permanent, legal status along with finding them better places to live and jobs of sorts to help them fit in their new reality. 

 Jake had headed back overseas to continue work as a diving instructor, this time in Jamaica, whilst Sammy had been in the States with Rachel for almost two and a half months now, and was, as Maria just reminded Hannah, due back the following day. Hannah suspected, however, not for long, fully expecting him to move there permanently to be with Rachel.

“Sammy is lucky, you know? He has none of this shit with Rachel’s ex.” Hannah grumbled, “Sarah is just being a pain in the ass. And I know for a fact it’s because we told her we got engaged. She was fine with me being there when Maya was until that point.” Hannah finished her rant as she placed her teacup and saucer on her mother’s extended hand. 

“You can’t be sure about that, sweetheart. Maybe there’s something else."

“No, she’s being a bitch.” Hannah quickly stopped her mother’s attempts at justifying Sarah’s behaviour. “She seems perfectly fine with us having dinner during the week and going out and stuff but won’t let Maya stay when I’m there on a weekend, basically just preventing us from spending those days together, for no reason other than she’s bitter.”

Maria Navon sighed. She knew where her daughter was coming from but, being the gentle and caring woman she was, she couldn’t help but try to put herself in the other woman’s shoes. She saw Hannah bite her lip and twirl her engagement ring round her finger, a rounded blue sapphire as deep as the ocean set against a halo of smaller white diamonds on a white gold band, before she spoke again.

 “I wouldn’t mind mama but they’ve been legally separated for years! The terms of their divorce are basically already been agreed. All they need to do is sign the damned papers but recently, well, Ari seems afraid to even raise the issue in case Sarah starts making it all awkward again and stops him seeing Munch.”

“Hey, sweetheart. Listen to me.” Hannah’s mother caught her attention as she pulled out a chair to sit next to her. “Everything is going to be ok, she’ll sign eventually. She knows there isn’t anything she can do about it, she’s just grieving.”

 Hannah’s brow creased at her mother’s choice of words. “Grieving for what? She left him, years ago!”

“She left him because she couldn’t cope with his lifestyle anymore, and he wasn’t winning any awards for being husband of the year, Han. That doesn’t mean she didn’t love him,” Maria woman spoke softly as if to appease her daughter’s raging tone.

“So, basically, I’m just stuck here waiting until she gets her head out of her ass?” 

“Have a little patience, honey. You two have waited over a decade, one way or another, to be together. You sure can wait a few weeks more.” Maria smiled as she reached out for Hannah’s hands who were fiddling with a teaspoon. 

“That’s the thing, Mama.” Hannah sighed as she looked up to meet her mom’s eyes. “I don’t think it’s just going to be weeks.”

“You don’t?” The woman frowned. “Well maybe she’s more stubborn than I thought.”

Hannah shook her head and then noticed her mother’s features had suddenly softened into a smile and she was looking straight over her shoulder. Hannah turned to see Ethan walking into the kitchen in his signature crisp work suit.

“Hi Ethan,” Hannah smiled at him and then looked up at the clock over the fridge before standing up and shrugging. “I should go. Spend the night with my fiancée before I’m banished back to my childhood home for the weekend like a love sick teenager.”

As she left the kitchen dramatically, she heard Ethan ask Maria. “That bad?”

“She’s pissed off,” Hannah heard her mom whisper back, “can’t say I blame her but she needs to make an attempt to see this from the other side, so to speak.”

With an angry growl, Hannah slammed the door and set off walking back to their apartment, in even more of  bad mood than she’d been in when she arrived at her mother’s. 

 Why was anyone treating her like she was the spoiled brat?

****

Ari was getting ready for Hannah’s arrival. He had been cooking, or sort of, making an attempt at dinner for a while and was now setting the table for two. He wanted to make tonight special as he knew this week was going to be the third weekend out of six that he and Hannah would be apart thanks to Sarah and her fucking rules. 

He was finding it hard himself. He’d gotten used to sleeping besides his Firefly since they had got together in Sudan, especially at night. But he knew Hannah was finding it harder. He was sacrificing their time together so that he could spend his allotted weekends with his daughter, which lessened the blow a little, but Hannah was basically being banned from living her life as it was for two days every two weeks, and that make his heart ache. 

And the worst bit about it all, was that he had seen it coming a mile off, and had been powerless to prevent it.

It was a bright Friday morning when they told Maya about their engagement. The previous evening Ari had proposed to Hannah for a second time after buying her a lavish ring. Thus, they had decided to take Maya for a walk and ice cream to break the news to her.  The little girl had been over the moon with the idea of her dad and Hannah getting married, which hadn’t surprised Ari seeing as his daughter had been all over his fiancé ever since they had met at Mossad headquarters the morning they had arrived home.

Now, as he approached Sarah’s apartment to take Maya back, he was about to tell his ex-wife and he was not particularly looking forward to it. But, he was being cautiously optimistic. Sarah had, after all, been amendable since they’d gotten home and seemed okay with Hannah being a part of Maya’s life.

Still, he felt his stomach churn as Maya walked up the apartment they had all shared once upon a time, and rang the doorbell.  No sooner had Sarah opened the door, Maya bounced in blurting the news out without hesitation.

 “Mom, guess what? Dad and Han are getting married! He asked her yesterday and she said yes!”

Ari groaned internally to himself, “Sarah, I didn’t ask her last night,” he smiled bashfully as he explained himself, “and I certainly didn’t do it in front of Maya.”

Sarah shook her head and brushed it off.  “Don’t worry, Ari and … erm, congratulations, I guess.”

“Erm… thanks.” Ari blinked. “I just thought you should hear it from me first… even if you technically did hear it from Munch.”

Despite the civil exchange, Ari could tell that Sarah was hating she didn’t have time nor the privacy to digest the news, and that wasn’t what he’d planned at all. He’d wanted to tell her, quickly, and leave, but Maya had put paid to his plans. Ari could feel coldness of his estranged wife’s stare, along with the tell-tale faint twitch of her nose and upper lip. He knew Sarah well and he, also knew how she deep down felt about him and Hannah. 

“She seemed cool about it but I know her, Han. Too cool for Sarah.” Ari told Hannah that night over dinner. “I can’t help feeling this is going to be bad…”

For once, Ari wished to God he’d been proven wrong. But, Sarah ended up doing what he feared, reverting back to being petty and petulant. She called him the next day to announce from that moment on, when Maya stayed with him, be it during the week or on her agreed weekends, Hannah wasn’t to be there overnight because, as Sarah had put it, it wasn’t appropriate for Maya to be around when they were… well, “up to stuff.

Hannah went ballistic, telling Ari his estranged wife was being ridiculous and she could go to hell, but Ari knew Sarah well enough to know she needed to get this out of her system. He tried his best to explain to Hannah that until she did, there was nothing he could do but roll with it, certainly for the time being. Making Sarah angry would not only risk her going back on terms of the divorce they’d set out in their separation degree, but also, he feared, make her get pissy about him seeing Maya. And that simply wasn’t something he was prepared to risk. He’d already missed too much of Maya over the years, admittedly through his own fault, but he didn’t want to miss a single second more than he had to.

Just as Ari was turning down the heat under their dinner, Simon’s ears pricked up and a second later Hannah’s key was heard in the door. Air smiled at the dog, who let out an excited whine, and leaned to give him a scratch behind his ears.

“Mama’s home, buddy.”

The pooch looked up at his master almost like he was pondering his words and Ari scoffed. 

Yeah, home. Bar the weekends when she’s banished to her mother's…

 Simon trotted off and soon after Ari heard Hannah greeting him. A moment later she walked into the living area and gave him a tired, but genuine smile. 

“Hey Lobo.”

 Ari beamed at his fiancé as he walked to meet her and without warning, he grabbed her face with both hands and stamped his lips on her plump ones, kissing the hell out of her. Hannah moaned in surprise but melted into his hold, her hands instantly reaching for Ari’s bearded cheeks.

“Hey Firefly.” He whispered when he broke the kiss.

She smiled at him as her hands travelled upwards and tangled in his hair. “Something smells good.”

“Thanks, I just showered.” Ari drawled, a cheeky smile on his face.

“I meant the food, you ass.” Hannah laughed as one of her hands slapped Ari shoulder, but his grin never faded.

“I’m a whole meal, honey.” He continued, playfully. Hannah rolled her eyes and stepped back. “But yeah, I’ve been cooking or rather mixing things in pots and pans.”

“Hmmm should I be worried?” She shrugged off the light jacket she was wearing to shield her from the summer showers.

“Well, Simon tasted everything and he’s still breathing.”

“Simon used to eat jellyfish, Ari. That’s not a bar to measure your cooking with.”

“Hey, I tried, okay? Give me some credit. I’ve never cooked for a woman before.” He grabbed her hips and pressed her to his body, one of his big hands splaying over her back.

At that Hannah smiled at him lovingly. He was right. She suspected he had never cooked for Sarah and he certainly hadn’t cooked for her, not once. Never in the brief amount of time they had been secretly dating, and at the resort it had been Chef Aziz's job to cook for everyone.

“I’m honoured, and I’m sure it’ll be great. Give me five to go wash up okay?”

“Sure, babe. I’ll plate the food and open the wine.” He winked at her and Hannah stood on her toes and gave him another quick peck before she headed into the bedroom, Simon following her.

True to his word Ari had done a pretty good job and thirty minutes later they were both sat at the table after having enjoyed a dammed passable and tasty attempt at a beef stroganoff on Ari’s part that left Hannah pleasantly surprised. 

She sighed with satisfaction as she left her fork on her plate and when she looked up she noticed Ari was looking at her intently, his eyes shining under those long eyelashes.

“You trying to seduce me before my carriage turns into a pumpkin tomorrow, Levinson?” Hannah asked before bringing her glass of wine to her lips.

“Hannah...” he sighed.

“What?”

“Please don’t, sweetheart. I don’t want to argue.” 

It was her turn to sigh, heavily. Ari’s words were more of a plea than a warning to her, but she couldn’t help the way she was feeling. Granted, she wasn’t quite as pissed as when she had left her mother’s house, but she still had a sour feeling which was nagging at her. 

“I don’t want to either, Ari. I just don’t like the prospect of spending my weekend away from you. Again.”

“And you think I do?” He asked, reaching for her hand over the table. “Honey, this won’t be forever. Sarah just needs to get her stupid tantrum out of her system.”

“Yeah, I know and I don’t want you having trouble with Maya because of me, I wouldn’t keep you from Munch, ever. But you’re my fiancé and I just...” she trailed off, shrugging, “I don’t want us to be apart.”

Ari licked his lips and pondered for a moment as he looked at their entwined hands. “Okay, I’ll talk to her when I pick Maya up tomorrow.” He nodded with determination when he looked up at her. “See if I can reason with her and...”

“Don’t Ari. You’ll only set her off.” Hannah rapidly cut him off.

Ari groaned and let go of her hand, his look and voice growing harder. “Well then, what do you want me to do? You literally just said-“

“I know, but I don’t want you to poke the bear! I just want this fucking ridiculous situation to be over.” Hannah shook her head. She knew she was riling Air up, but she was sick of everyone trying to get her to accept the situation they were in without so much as a word of complaint. “I’m not blaming you, it’s just…forget it, can we just pretend we are a normal couple who are having a normal evening dinner?”

“We are a normal couple. Well, as normal as most anyway.” Ari took her hand again, his features softening. “Look, I’m sorry. I really am. I just don’t know what I can do.”

“Love me.” Hannah stated after a while.

Now that puzzled Ari. Was that a request or was she doubting him. She couldn’t be doubting him, right? With concern written all over his face he pushed his chair back to stand up and hurriedly crouched beside Hannah, his hands grabbing her thighs firmly as his eyes searched for something in hers. 

“Firefly, I do love you. You know this… I mean, at least, I hope you do.”

“I do.” She nodded as she looked down to him. “Just don’t stop loving me, no matter what crazy ideas Sarah comes up with.” 

“Hannah, that’s not gonna happen.” He assured her after swallowing hard. “I promise you. Nothing she says or does is gonna change the way I feel about you.” 

****

Ari meant what he said and took it upon himself to make sure his Firefly was left with no doubt as to his feelings for her all through the night. And then again he made sure she hadn’t forgotten the following morning too before she left to pick Sammy up from the airport.

Ari collected Maya, as arranged, from the summer holiday camp run by her school and then, throwing caution to the wind, took her to Maria’s to see not only Hannah, but Sammy and the family. Hannah was surprised, but pleased to see them both and hugged Maya tight as the girl threw herself at her, chatting away about her day. They ate a lovely dinner, courtesy of Maria, and later, retired to the shared garden in the warm, July air. 

As Maya sat with Sammy, who was telling her stories about the states and Rachel’s kids, Ari found himself watching Hannah. She was sat with her mom and Ethan, the three of them sipping wine as the dusk drew in. It wasn’t long before the first little twinkles around the tree flashed through the darkness, signalling the fireflies had come out to play. 

Ari’s mind quickly travelled back to when he first met Hannah, how those little bugs had been present in the garden, earning her the nickname. His nickname for her, which had stuck and become a term of his love for her, symbolised by the pendant round her neck. It was that pendant, or more specifically how he had given her that pendant, which had fixed the idea on how to present her with the sparkling sapphire and diamond ring on her finger…

It was a Thursday morning, and Hannah walked into the bedroom after her morning shower. Ari looked up from where he was fastening up his short sleeved shirt and smiled as she grinned back at him. 

“You really do suit that colour, pretty sure Ethan’s secretary will approve.”

“Ethan’s secretary?” Ari continued, stopping two buttons under the collar.

“Yeah, that’s what I said Lobo.” 

“Ethan’s secretary is nearly a hundred years old, Firefly.” Ari rolled his eyes with a chuckle, his hands on his hips as Hannah frowned.

“Well who was the young, blonde girl at her desk the other day when I called in?” She picked up her hairbrush from the top of the chest of drawers that served as her vanity unit.

“Lorraine? She’s an intern, Mrs Goldman is training her.”

“She likes you. I can tell.” Hannah hummed, combing out her locks which had been piled on top of her head to prevent them getting wet.

Ari rolled his eyes as Hannah pulled her hair back into a neat ponytail. “Whatever.”

“You can whatever me all you want,” Hannah sang as she picked up a bottle of lotion and sat on the bed, “I can sense these things.”

Ari snorted, looking down at his girl as she sat on the bed applying lotion to her legs. “You getting all territorial on me?”

“Do I need to?”

“Don’t be an ass!” Ari snorted, leaning down to kiss her. 

As they moved around the room, Ari took his time, a lot longer than usual, dragging his morning routine out as long as possible. If Hannah noticed he was making a meal out of tidying his beard up, something he had taken to doing since returning to civilisation, she didn’t notice.

He was stalling for one reason, and one reason only. The surprise that was waiting for her in her underwear drawer.

After what seemed like an age, she crossed the room and pulled it open. Ari held his breath as she reached in for a pair of panties, but instead she gasped, he hand flying to her mouth.

Bingo.

When Hannah spun around, the red, velvet box in her hand, Ari was waiting on one knee, beaming up at her. “Still wanna marry me, Firefly?”

Tears brimmed in her eyes and she nodded, her voice thick with emotion, “yes, you know I do!”

“Had to ask with a ring, sweetheart.”

He watched as she opened it, her mouth dropping open once more as she stared at the ring. 

“Lobo, it’s gorgeous… I… I love it!”

As Ari rose to his feet, he sighed with relief, “good, ‘cause I had a hard time finding something worthy of my girl.”

“It reminds me of the ocean,” she smiled up at him, “and your eyes.”

“Kinda why I bought it, the ocean that is.” Ari smiled as he took the ring from the box, slipping it over her knuckle, watching as the sapphire settled at the base of her finger. “Hannah Maria Navon, I love you, baby girl.”

Hannah glanced at the ring before she beamed, her hands cupping his cheeks, “and I love you, Ari David Levinson.”

Ari smirked a little at the memory, they were totally late for work after getting a little ‘distracted’ so to speak celebrating their engagement once more, only this time in a bed and not the back of a shitty jeep in the Sudanese desert. 

“Dad?” Maya bounced into his lap, drawing a huff from him as she accidentally elbowed him in the ribs, “Are those fireflies?”

“They are Munch.” He nodded, kissing her head as she watched them zipping around. “Can you see now why I call Hannah my Firefly?”

She grinned, “yip!”

Hannah, who had been watching them, cleared her throat. “Ari, it’s getting late. Shouldn’t you two be heading back to your apartment?”

Ari looked at her pointedly. “Our apartment, sweetheart.”

Hannah was about to shoot a response back but then remembered Maya was there so she merely sighed. “Ari, look, you shouldn’t even be here now anyway. It’s not worth the argument if she finds out.”

“Why can’t we stay here, dad? I wanna stay with Han!” Maya piped up and Hannah groaned a little, shooting Ari a look.

“Because Han needs to stay with Sammy tonight, she’s not seen him for a while. You can stay some other time, okay?”

“I’m not gonna say anything to Mom if that’s what you scared of.”

At that, Ari and Hannah exchanged a look. “Why do you say that? Why would we be scared?” He asked and Maya shrugged.

“I heard Mom say some things.”

“What things, Munchkin?” Ari smoothed her long hair back and waited for her to reply.

“Well, I was upset, because at first I thought Hannah didn’t like me anymore as she always left when I stayed over. But one day last week, I heard Mom tell Grandma on the phone she had made you and Hannah spend the weekends apart because I was with you.” Maya paused and looked at Hannah, “Is that why you don’t stay with us at the apartment?”

Hannah blinked, she was stuck. She didn’t want to lie but also didn’t want to start bad mouthing Sarah in front of Maya, no matter how tempting. “Erm, it’s, well it’s complicated, sweetie. You and your dad need to spend time together. But I promise you it’s absolutely not because I don’t like you. I do, I love you very much.”

At that Maya stood up and launched herself at Hannah.  “I love you too, Han.”

Ari and Hannah could do nothing but exchange a look, which Hannah broke as she leaned down to hug Maya, tears visible in her eyes.

And it left Ari feeling even more like shit than he already did.

No, he had to fix this, even if it meant pulling Sarah up on her attitude despite Hannah asking him not to. Whilst he understood Sarah’s anger, and that she had every right to direct it at him, the fact that it was clearly having an impact on Maya was something he couldn’t let slide.

With a sigh, he stood up, instructing Maya to bid everyone good night. Before he left, he pulled Hannah into a kiss, his hands cupping her face.

“I’m gonna fix this,” he whispered against her lips, “trust me, baby.”

“I do.” She sniffed a little, her nose bumping his. “Go, go on. I’ll see you Sunday.”

As they walked the few blocks home, Maya’s hand locked in Ari’s, he was only partially listening to his daughter as she spoke. 

“Dad!” Her voice drew him from his thoughts about how exactly he was going to approach the subject with his soon to be ex-wife. He glanced down at her.

“What?”

“We’re you listening to a word I just said?”

“Honestly, no!”

“Daaaaaad!” She whined and Ari chuckled.

 “I’m sorry baby, what were you saying?”

“I was saying that I should get Hannah something for luck.”

“What do you mean?”

 “Well, Mom was talking to Auntie Louisa, and she said that Hannah was going to need plenty of luck being married to you so…”

Ari took a deep breath, anger flashing through his system, rolling his eyes. “Oh, did she?”

“Yup.” Maya nodded.

“And, do you think Hannah’s gonna need luck?”

Maya looked at him, and grinned cheekily. “Well, you are an idiot!”

“Rude!” Ari narrowed his eyes playfully, “mind you, technically, you might look more like your mom but you’re half me. Guess that makes you half an idiot, huh?”

Maya went to dig him in the ribs and with a chuckle, Ari swung her up and onto his shoulders. Her hands tangled in his hair as she giggled, before she leaned down, fingers threading into his beard.

“Han’s right, you do look like a wolf.”

Ari laughed, his hands tightening around his daughter’s ankles as her heels lightly bounced against his chest with each step he took.

[jonathanssweatercollection]

JONATHAN!!! of course i've spent my time since finishing the season recently going through your blog, but just overall, i'd love to know what you thought about volume one?! especially the jonathan/byers of it all if you'd like to share!!!!!!! <3

sathana bestie hi !!!!!!!!! hope ur groovin <33

i typed a more lengthy response to this b4 nd tumblr just. nuked it so i’ll just say that while yes this season has numerous problems and bits that i’m not the biggest fan of (hello russia plot, hello stranger things’ patented oddly written bullying, hello stancybaitgate (no offence intended to my stancy mutuals lov y’all)) this season is a MAJOR step-up from s3. like a HUMONGOUS improvement tbh

highlights from the top of my head:

max’s storyline was done so much more respectfully than i was expecting and genuinely made me cry i love her so much

robin and nancy are soooooooo autistic and fruity this season it’s a blessing

murray and joyce being comedic besties (and making their storyline worthwhile)

eddie and steve are two different flavours of off the fucking walls and i love that for them

i love seeing el’s development as she grows up !!! i just wish that she didn’t get thrown into the deep end of high school

the gore effects this volume were simply chef’s fuckin kiss and greatly appealed to the deranged little horror fanatic in me

continuing on from that, vecna/henry creel was soooooooo creepy and cool i think he’s an awesome villain overall (and much better than some of the other human ones in the show 👀)

and finally. my boy. my bestest boy in the whole wide world. jonathan honeypie byers my fucking beloved. i’m glad that he had more of an introspective storyline than he had last season (and an unfair amount in s2 tbh) and we actually have scenes where he’s the primary focus (if only for a little while). i’m overjoyed he has argyle to be there for him, even if he’s a little misguided at times and doesn’t think things through, because jonathan needs and deserves ppl to be in his corner; he deserves a support system and ppl who care abt him. jonathan’s outfits have also slapped this season, loving all the fruity shirts he’s been wearing. and unpopular opinion maybe, but i also rly like his hair !!!! it’s like an overgrown shaggy version of his s1 hair which i appreciate immensely.

overall i wish that the cali storyline had more screentime (also more el too) in all honesty; i want more big brother byers moments!!!! also more joyce/family interactions, given that the s4 interactions between her and jonathan were limited and not super great. i’m also praying that the love triangle nonsense that’s been abruptly rehashed for s4 (which i’d thought we’d moved way past in season 3??? hello) doesnt shit all over his character development, same going for nancy and steve too; if we’re doing this then for the love of fuck please just give us stoncy. i know they won’t but like. please

rounding off tho, i don’t think that the og jonathan that likeminded jon stans prefer i.e the original characterisation of jonathan, from s1 (ya know: perceptive, responsible, sensitive, artistic, self-aware, passionate, ambitious, stalwart) would rly be very happy with this s4 variant. i’ve seen some ppl view some of his scenes where he’s high off his mind as kind of sad? and i can’t help but compare his lack of awareness and how uninvolved he seems (initially, that is) to how hands-on and “take charge” he used to be (i only put that in quotation marks bc i don’t think that phrase greatly applies to him the majority of the time, since he’s not rly your hopper-esque macho male protag). like when joyce asked him what was wrong with him when he was asking “what’s going on” and repeating the things told to him (processing brand new info under an already influenced mind ofc), that just keeps coming back to me as s1!jonathan asking the same thing to his current self ya know?? like idk if the two met i feel that s1!jonathan would be kind of disappointed in what’s happened to him, if not understanding of his s4!self’s circumstances and also kind of thankful that he’s not as on-edge. hm. much to think abt (or write a fanfiction about 👀)

anyways woah i don’t mean to natter on so much in this reply but i hope that, if it makes sense I mean, u like it or at least see where i’m coming from ?? it’s late <3

[remuswriting]

first words; t. kei

Summary: In a world where the first words your soulmate say to you is on your wrist, Y/N manages to get “hello”

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Male! Reader

Warnings: Intense angst, Hanahaki, slight enemies to lovers, swearing, mentions of fighting, brief mention and vomit (mentioned with Hanahaki).

Word Count: 18,572 words

Notes: This took months to write but it’s finally done.  I hope it’s not entirely over the top and somewhat enjoyable.  This is my longest ficlet I’ve ever made and I literally slept for 14 hours after I finished writing it.  Anyways, would you guys be interested in longer pieces like this or do you prefer shorter things?

Read on ao3 if it glitches on you!

Y/N loved the concept of soulmates.  Seeing the first words they’d say to you on your wrist seemed magical.  Sure, it was weird to get it on your 10th birthday, because what if you had met your soulmate before then?  The h/c haired boy didn’t really care though because soulmates were so cool.  Someone that was to love you for the rest of your life and in return, you loved them back.

His mother had to tell him to calm down because he’d start coming up with all sorts of scenarios of what they could possibly say to each other.  His best friend Hinata Shouyou shared the same enthusiasm over it though, so he supported the excitement his mother didn’t like.

Hinata’s 10th birthday was before Y/N, and the words on his wrist were really strange.

“One day I’m gonna set for you.”

The two spent the ginger’s birthday looking up what that meant, and they learned about volleyball. The ginger didn’t seem as excited about it until he’d see the match on the tv when he was riding his bicycle a year later.

The h/c boy’s birthday finally came around and Hinata had stayed over so they could find out what his soulmate would say together.  When the clock struck midnight, the word appeared and Y/N wondered if he still liked soulmates.

“Hello.”

He looked over at Hinata, who was staring at his wrist in confusion.  It was common to get regular greetings, but that didn’t mean Y/N wanted one. It was fairly silent until his mother opened the door excitedly with a huge grin.  She had been excited about this too, but hearing her child come up with things his soulmate would say was hard to handle at times.

“So, what’s she going to say?” The woman asked, and Y/N slowly showed her his wrist.

“She’s going to say hello.”

Silence fell back over the room.  His mother and father had cool words, but he got stuck with ‘hello’?  He wanted something cool like what his father had, which was ‘We’ve been here for way too long’ or is his mother’s ‘You’re right, let’s leave.’  Those are cool and you automatically know who’s your soulmate, but hello gave you nothing to work with.

“I know what to do,” Y/N said as he put his hands together. “I will just never say hello unless it’s to an adult.”

His mother and his father looked at him confused before the ginger’s face lit up as if he suddenly understood.  Y/N’s mother was still in the dark about what was going on.

“She’ll be the one to know! If you say something weird, then there’s no mistaking it!” Hinata exclaimed and the h/c boy nodded excitedly.

“Yes!  If she’s decided to mess up my life, then I’ll mess up hers!” Y/N exclaimed, and his mother just stared at him and sighed.  Of course, her son would act like this.

When they went back to school Monday, people asked him about what his soulmate would say and would look disappointed that it was only ‘hello.’  He was known around school for getting everyone involved in interesting conversations, people knew who he was without even having to say hello.  Next year, he’d be in junior high and hopefully he’d find his soulmate there.

 ****

 Y/N moved before his first year of junior high, he was 30 minutes away by car; so, it wasn’t like he was 100% gone.  He played on his junior high volleyball team because he had also fallen in love with volleyball when Hinata did, and he hoped one day they’d go against each other.

“Hey, you’re L/N, right?” Naoko asked, he was on the soccer team.  The h/c boy nodded as he sat on a bench outside wrapping his ankle with an ace bandage.  He had twisted it during practice but refused to let anyone actually know about it.

“You’re Naoko, right?” He asked, and the black haired boy nodded.  Soon enough the soccer player sat next to the h/c boy on the bench.  It was awkward because the h/c boy haired boy didn’t know why the other was there.

“I have a friend who wants to confess to you, but doesn’t know how,” Naoko said, and the other just looked at him confused.

“I don’t know either,” he said as he looked back at the wrapping as he checked to make sure it was good. “I don’t ever get confessions and I’ve never confessed.  Why not ask a girl or something?”

The black haired boy looked at him frustrated, but not in a way that it was at him.  What was so frustrating about all of this?  The girl could just come up and say she likes him, it’s not like he’ll accept if he doesn’t know her.

“Just tell her to just confess to me.  My schedule is pretty much the same every day.”

“It’s not a girl,” Naoko said. “That’s why he doesn’t know what to do.”

Y/N looked up at him in shock and confusion.  He’d always thought it was fictional for people to be gay; something for women to fetishize, so he’d never given it a single thought.  The guys in his class always talked about girls, but he had never really been interested in it.  He preferred to be around his teammates because they made him feel warm.  Well, not all of them, but definitely Takeshi.

Takeshi was a wing spiker who always told the team to rely on Y/N more because he was their libero. The libero always stared at him more than normal, but he couldn’t help it; he was so pretty with his brown eyes and bright smile.  Y/N stopped for a second, realizing what he was thinking about blinked his eyes several times.

“Why did you even come talk to me?” He asked, and the black haired boy dragged his hands down his face.

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Naoko admitted. “I just thought if I told you and you said you were straight, then it’d save him heartbreak.”

“If I don’t know him, then I definitely won’t date him, so do I know him?” L/N asked, and the other shook his head.

“No, but everyone knows you,” the black haired boy said with a slightly smile. “You do realize that you are friends with nearly everyone in our year whether or not you know it, right?”

Y/N nodded slightly because he did know that but it didn’t mean they really knew him.  Very few people knew about the important things about him, so how could they possibly be in love with him?

“Yeah, but I still don’t know him.  It’ll be pointless if he confesses to me.”

 *****

 Y/N started to shut down after he spoke to Naoko, because he didn’t know where he stood anymore with soulmates and sexuality.  He’d stare at the word on his wrist and wonder if it was a girl or guy going to say it. What if he couldn’t fall in love with his soulmate?  What if he never met his soulmate?  What if he was gay?

He was so trapped in his head that he started to hate soulmates.  Why was he required to fall in love with someone when he could who he wanted to?  People had always frowned upon people loving someone that wasn’t their soulmate.  Y/N had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t his soulmate, his best friend Takeshi.

It was hard to escape the other because they were on the same team, so he just ignored it.  He put everything into volleyball because that’s how he knew how to cope.  Whenever he was emotional, he just used it to his advantage in volleyball.  His coach always praised how his receives were going to beat Nishinoya Yuu from Chidoriyama Junior High, which the h/c libero didn’t think was accurate.

Hinata wanted to be the next tiny giant and practiced constantly for it.  He constantly told Y/N how he wished he had a real team so he could finally practice like he wanted to.  Shouyou had once said he wanted to meet the volleyball player he idolized and that Y/N could do that by meeting Nishinoya (not that Y/N idolized him, he just really wanted to be like him), but the h/c haired boy said the only way he was going to meet the libero was by playing against him.

His relationship with Hinata was unaffected because he wasn’t attached to his volleyball team. Shouyou was completely outside of that world, even when they played together occasionally.  Y/N was grateful to have some sense of what he used to be like and have someone not constantly question if he was okay.

“I want to know what crazy person says to someone that they’ll set for them,” Shouyou said as he and Y/N tossed the volleyball around. “Especially as their first words.”

“We’ve always said that she’ll probably be better at volleyball than you,” Y/N said, and the ginger gasped.

“I’ve never said that!”

Y/N laughed into his hand and Hinata looked genuinely upset.

“Oh, I guess it was just your mom and me that said that.”

The ginger threw the volleyball at his best friend, only for the h/c haired boy to receive it.  Hinata forgot all about the comment, now asking his friend to teach him how to receive.

Although he was doing good in volleyball, he wasn’t close to his teammates like he used to be.  He focused on practice, not anyone else’s problems because he didn’t see a need to.  This was a different him, because he used to be the person who spent so much time trying to figure out what was going on with others because he just wanted to.

Takeshi tried to talk to him about it, because it was concerning to see one of your best friends become something that wasn’t him.  After numerous ‘I’m fine, stop asking’, the ace got the point and stopped asking. The watchful eye made the h/c haired libero angry though because the other didn’t have the right to do that to him; to care.

He handle his anger by taking it out during practice and one day he managed to knock someone down from how aggressively he had received the ball.  No one had known that was possible, but it was apparently something he could do.

“L/N! Go take a breather!” Coach screamed at him, and he nodded as he walked out of the gym.

He found himself standing in front of the bathroom, his forehead against the wall before he turned around a pressed his back against the wall and slid down.  The moment he hit the cold tiled ground; he hid his face between his pulled up knees.  He needed to stop thinking; stop feeling.  Interhigh was coming up fast and he needed to focus on that.

“Hey, you okay?” Takeshi asked, and Y/N didn’t look at the brunette.  He wished he weren’t actually there. “L/N-san, I know you say you’ve been okay, but you’ve really been acting weird recently.”

“It doesn’t matter how I’m acting,” L/N said softly, afraid he’d start to open up. “Why are you even out here?”

“Coach wanted me to come make sure you wouldn’t break anything,” Takeshi said as he fell to sit next to the other. “I didn’t think you would though.”

“Why are you my friend” Y/N asked as he finally looked at the other.  Somehow Takeshi was still unbelievably attractive even though he was drenched in sweat to where it was almost like a hair gel that controlled his unruly curls. “Why did you decide to be my friend?”

“L/N-san, you’re friends with everyone.  You’re fun to be around and you always know how to make people happy.  You know how to make me happy,” the brunette said slowly as he looked over at the other with a soft smile. “That’s why some of us are worried about you.  It’s like you’ve cut all of us out and you’ve gotten so aggressive during practice. None of us know why.”

“Things are just really difficult right now,” Y/N said as he looked down to his feet, internally chanting not to stare at Takeshi for too long. “Just been a lot on my mind.”

“I understand that,” Takeshi said with a laugh. “I’m in love with someone who isn’t my soulmate, but volleyball has been helping me get my mind off of that.”

“Who?” Y/N asked without hesitation, and it felt pathetic to get so excited over hearing that.  Maybe this would be their confession, sure it wasn’t romantic but it would be a confession.  Takeshi blushed as he looked down at his lap.

“Don’t tell anyone, but it’s Tamura-san,” the brunette said softly, and Y/N felt like he had been stabbed in the heart.  Of course, it would be Tamura; Takeshi’s childhood best friend and captain of their team.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” the libero said with a soft smile and the other smiled back at him. “You can head back; I just need a couple more minutes.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I promise I’m fine.”

Takeshi left and the h/c haired boy sighed as he leaned back so the back of his head was against the wall. Soulmates wouldn’t hurt him like this. They wouldn’t be in love with someone else and tell him like this because they believed they were only best friends.  Soulmates had to love you back, they always did, and they wouldn’t break your heart like this.

Y/N let himself cry for a couple minutes, because maybe this could be what he needed to get it all out of his system.  He could stop being in love with someone who clearly didn’t love him.  It was going to be okay because he had a soulmate out there waiting for him.

 *****

 After the talk with Takeshi, his feelings did go away but knowing he was gay didn’t.  Y/N decided to just stop thinking about that and put all he had into volleyball, but he accidentally stopped talking to Takeshi like they once had.  It had hurt too much to around someone who broke his heart, but he was nearly through with feeling those things.

They won at Interhigh, beating Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High in the process and Y/N will never forget the look of anger on the King’s face.  The libero had received nearly every serve the setter had done, even if it was aimed to be somewhere the h/c haired boy wasn’t.  Beating Shiratorizawa Academy Junior High was also the highlight, even though he hadn’t been able to beat Ushijima like he had wanted to. Winning put L/N in high spirits, even made him act like himself again for the rest of the day.

“Y/N!” A voice called out and the libero turned to see Hinata running towards him at full speed. “That was so crazy!”

“I didn’t know you came to watch,” Y/N said as he caught his friend in his arms before he could be tackled. “You told me he was an asshole to you in June, so you know I had to really destroy him.”

“Your whole team is so cool! My team wasn’t even really a team,” Hinata said, and Y/N nodded, because he knew.  He knew the ginger had been the only member of the volleyball club until three first years showed up and he forced his two friends that knew nothing about volleyball to join for the game. “So, it’s really cool to see my best friend playing on a real one!”

“Come on, L/N-san, the bus is about to leave,” Sora said, and the h/c haired boy sighed at Hinata’s upset face.

“You’re already leaving me!” He wailed and the libero whacked him upside the head.

“Come over tomorrow. It’s not like you’re incapable of doing that.” He ruffled his best friend’s hair. “I’ll text you later, Shouyou.”

“Okay!  See you tomorrow!”

 *****

 “So, you’re really going to go to nationals?” Hinata asked, and the libero nodded.

“You bet, but I need to figure out what high school I’m going to before that,” Y/N said as he looked over at the other. “Do you know where you’re going to go?”

Hinata was drinking a cup of hot chocolate Y/N’s parents had made for him.  The worn volleyball they always played with was situated in his lap. L/N found it funny that they were both obsessed with volleyball, but Shouyou wanted to always be touching the ball. Hinata looked over at him with the biggest grin Y/N had seen in a while.

“Karasuno obviously! I’m going to be the next tiny giant!” Hinata exclaimed and the h/c boy chuckled at the excitement.

“Shiratorizawa is trying to recruit me, but maybe I’ll go to Karasuno,” he said softly, which made Hinata’s brown eyes light up.  His mother wouldn’t like this decision, because she wanted him to go to the best places because he was outrageously talented and pretty good academically. “My only question is what are you going to do every morning?  Take the train?”

“No, I’m going to bike!” Hinata exclaimed as the volleyball fell to the snow covered grass.  He looked overly excited, as if it were the best idea he’s ever had; it might have been though. “I’ve been getting used to biking everywhere.  That’s how I got here.”

Y/N looked over at his friend as he shook his head with a chuckle.  How was his childhood friend so determined and motivated?  The h/c haired boy had once been like that too, but then he became scared of himself and the world around him.  It was hard to give your absolute all when you’re scared if people will learn who you truly are.

“You amaze me,” he said as he ruffled the ginger’s hair a laugh.

“If you go to Karasuno, then we can finally play volleyball together!” Hinata exclaimed and the libero gave him an awkward smile.

Y/N was scared to join another volleyball team, because what if he felt in love with another team member? His heart had been destroyed last time, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it.  He caught himself looked at his wrist before he really looked at Shouyou, who was grinning as he picked up the volleyball as if it were his prized possession, and Y/N knew he’d do anything to make his best friend happy.

“Yeah.  Yeah, we can.”

 *****

 Going to Karasuno was different than what L/N had been expecting, even though he didn’t really have any expectations going into it.  He knew he’d be on the volleyball team and most likely in the college prep class, but that was about it.  When school was over, Hinata was waiting outside the h/c haired male’s classroom and Y/N really wanted to strangle him.

“I know you don’t know this, but first years typically don’t go to practice for the first week of school,” Y/N said as he was being dragged to the gym.

“I’m just excited, I have to go now!” Hinata exclaimed, and the h/c boy chuckled as he continued to follow the other to the gym.

Karasuno High had a really nice campus, but Y/N would never say it was nicer than his junior high’s campus. He missed that school though; missed his team.  He regretted not doing a proper goodbye with them because he had started to cut off friendships when he realized he started to love Takeshi again.

When Hinata opened the gym doors, there stood Kageyama Tobio in all of his shitty glory.  He had heard Hinata talk about the setter, but L/N also had dealt with the setter before.  He had defeated his team at Spring Interhigh, but the libero destroyed him that November.  The setter focused more on the ginger than he did the libero, which was nice.  The e/c eyed boy needed to breathe because he wanted to absolutely destroy the setter.

“Aren’t you L/N Y/N?” Kageyama asked, and Hinata was outraged that he remembered his best friend’s name but not his.

“Yeah, aren’t you the douche bag whose teammates ditched?” Y/N asked, he looked like he didn’t care but his voice held resentment. “I’d say that’s why your team lost to mine, but we were already kicking your asses before that.”

“You don’t know shit,” Kageyama sneered, and three upperclassmen showed up.  They looked at the three first years before one of them looked at Y/N in amazement.

“Noya is going to freak when he gets back,” the shaved head boy said, and the first year libero looked at him so confused.

“Is that a good thing?”

The attention was turned over to the black haired setter, and he was thankful he wasn’t being put in the spotlight like that again.  He wanted to be seen on the court, not outside of it (although that became mainly a thing in his third year of junior high).  L/N then watched in horror the chaos of Kageyama and Hinata’s rivalry, and then watched as they were kicked out of the gym.

“Well, that was something,” he said, mainly to himself, and Sugawara (the vice-captain) laughed slightly.

“We take teamwork very seriously here,” the captain, Daichi, said, and the first year just nodded slowly.

“My coach in junior high was the same way,” Y/N said before he looked away. “Sometimes we’d get way into our heads and have to be kicked off the court for a bit so we could breathe. You can’t play as a team if you can’t only think about what’s happening on the court.”

After they spoke for a bit, the first year sheepishly asked if he could join practice and the team said it was okay by them.  Y/N decided he liked his new team but the guilt from not saying goodbye to his old one loomed over him the entire practice.

 *****

 L/N woke up in a good mood. He had finally actually slept for the first time in who knows how long and felt good because of it.  Maybe it was because he wasn’t constantly stressing about what anyone finding out if he was gay, because they didn’t know him well enough too and didn’t seem like they really cared to know.

“Y/N!” Hinata called out, and Y/N turned to see his best friend running towards him excitedly.  He also looked like he had been working out, but it was only 8am and the ginger never looked like that after biking.

“Hey, Shouyou,” the libero said as he stopped to wait for the other. “What’s up with you?”

“Sugawara-senpai and Tanaka-senpai let me and Kageyama practice this morning,” the ginger said with stars in his eyes, and the other looked concerned.

“Does Daichi-senpai know about it?”

Hinata shook his head, panic in his eyes at the mention of the volleyball captain.  L/N chuckled at the other before the h/c haired boy caught eyes with a tall blonde boy across the yard.  He looked like he didn’t want to be surrounded by everyone, and Y/N couldn’t blame him.  Even though he was best friends with Hinata, he really didn’t like to befriend people anymore but part of him wanted to befriend the annoyed blonde he had just seen.

“Who are you staring at, Y/N?” Hinata asked as he tugged on the h/c haired boy’s sleeve.

The libero looked over at the energetic boy, blinking a couple times.  It wasn’t that he was disorientated, but because he hadn’t really been paying attention to anyone around him except the blonde boy.

“Some blonde guy,” he said before he bumped shoulders with the other. “Let’s get to class, because you definitely need to use your brain.”

“Hey!  That’s not nice!”

“Shouyou, we’ve been friends for years; I don’t have to be nice to you.”

 *****

 Y/N decided to swing by afternoon practice, just to check it out, when he saw the blonde boy there from earlier there.  Daichi was standing in front of him and there was another student next to the blonde, he had olive toned hair and a nervous composure.  The h/c walked over to the three, an awkward smile on his face, because what if they were other volleyball members.

“Hello, L/N,” Daichi said, and the libero sent him a bright smile.

“Hey, Daichi-senpai.”

The two others looked at him confused, which was understandable.  The h/c haired boy had been confused yesterday when everyone had being introduced.  Although yesterday was a lot to handle.

“Hello, I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi,” the olive toned boy said with a slight smile.

The blonde looked over at him out of the side of his eye, seeming to evaluate him.  Usually the libero would be uncomfortable but being so close to the guy who interested him when he had seen him outside earlier that day trumped the nerves.

“Hello,” he said, not adding anything, which made Y/N do what he always did; say something ridiculous.

“I wish snakes had arms,” Y/N said, and the blonde and olive toned boys frozen, which caused the h/c haired boy to tilt his head before his eyes widened. “I’m so sorry.  I know that’s really weird, but my soulmate is to say hello and I decided to say crazy things so they’ll know.”

“Are you fucking serious?” The blonde asked, and L/N took a step back as he put his hands up as if surrendering.

“Yeah?  I mean hello is a pretty vague thing.”

“My wrist has said ‘I wish snakes had arms’ all these years because of you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened before he looked to the ground and chuckled awkwardly.  How was he supposed to respond to that?  It was technically blondie’s fault for being so basic by saying hello.

“Tsukki, it’s not like he knew what he was going to say,” Yamaguchi said, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“It’s not my fault that you had to say the most boring thing!  How was I supposed to know who my soulmate was if we were both to say hello or hi?” Y/N screamed, and Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “You haven’t given me an answer.”

“Wow, my soulmate is a little bitch,” Tsukishima said, and that’s when Daichi decided to step in.

“Hey, we don’t talk like that to our teammates here,” the captain said strictly while the two soulmates glared at each other. “Do I need to do what I did to Kageyama and Hinata to you two?”

“I’d quit,” Y/N said, wondering if maybe he could just pretend he had never met the tall blonde. “You said I couldn’t play in the 3-on-3 anyways because I’m a libero, so you can’t punish us that way.”

“Maybe you should quit,” Tsukishima sneered, and someone was suddenly holding the h/c haired boy back. His blood was boiling and all he wanted to do was kick the other down to the ground so he could properly deck him.

“Maybe you should learn that being an asshole isn’t a personality trait,” Y/N sneered back, which made the other’s brown eyes narrow at him.

“I think we can call it a day for the first years,” Daichi said, obviously looking panicked. “We’ll talk tomorrow when everyone is calmed down.”

Tsukishima started to walk away, mumbling something that caused Yamaguchi to give the blonde a shocked look.

“You know we eventually have to fall in love with each other, it’s how soulmates work!” L/N screamed, which stilled both of the other first years.  Tsukishima didn’t turn around, but Yamaguchi turned to look at the h/c haired boy, who was still being held back by Tanaka.

“We’ll see about that,” the blonde said before he started to walk again.

“I wish my first words had been ‘you’re a piece of shit’ instead of the dumb shit I said,” Y/N mumbled, and Sugawara appeared, a hand covering his mouth.

“Your first words were really ‘I wish snakes had arms’?” The vice-captain asked, and the h/c haired boy nodded sadly.  He wished it had been something better than that, but at least it wasn’t hello. “You really will fit in on this team.”

 *****

 Y/N wasn’t included in the three-on-three because he had been practicing with the team and they knew his playing by now.  It also just wasn’t fair for one team to have a libero and the other not to.  He was told to come to the match for it because it showed team unity.

“Y/N, this is going to be so fun!” Hinata exclaimed as they walked to Karasuno High together.  The ginger had stopped at L/N’s house so they could walk there together, also to drop off his bike.

“It’ll be your second game ever, right?” Y/N asked before he took a bite into a pork bun he had brought from home.

He was glad his mother wasn’t there to see him because she’d scold him.  It was considered lazy to eat while you walked down the street, because you didn’t know how to plan your day out, but the h/c haired libero couldn’t find it in him to care.  Hinata had refused to eat one, because he was worried it would make him sick.

“Yeah!” Hinata exclaimed before he suddenly looked nervous. “Oh no, what if I mess up?”

“Everyone messes up, Sho-chan.  I wasn’t a starter until my second year because I messed up receives constantly,” Y/N said with a yawn. “You’ll get to play no matter who wins, so don’t worry.”

“Kageyama won’t get to play setter until his second year and he’s really upset about that,” Hinata said before he pushed his hair down and started doing an impression of the first year setter. “I must do everything volleyball by myself and I don’t need any help. I must always play setter.”

“As much as I hate him, I get where’s he’s coming from.  If I couldn’t be a libero, I’d just quit.  It’s my position, especially because I’ve only learned how to only do that. I’ve never spiked a ball before.”

Hinata’s eyes went wide. Apparently Y/N had never gave the other that information.  He assumed the ginger would figure out that being a libero means you can’t really spike or set a ball, so there wasn’t a need for him to learn those things.  L/N wanted to assume he’d be decent at it since he could jump high, but he didn’t know if his spikes would be any good.

“Spiking is the best!” Hinata yelled, only to be shushed by the other. “It makes me feel so gaah, you know?”

“You mean it makes you feel alive?”

“Yeah, but more!”

The rest of the walk was full of Hinata rambling about how much he loved spiking and how hard receiving was.  It was the first time they had done this since before Y/N moved and it felt good to do it.  Made it feel like no time had passed, even though Y/N was 5’6” now and Hinata was still the same height but with fluffier hair.

“We never talked about the fact that Tsukishima is your soulmate,” Hinata said, and the libero sighed as he looked at the ground.

“We’re not going to. I’m going to ignore the fact as long as possible.”

“You shouldn’t though! You know that can be dangerous!” Hinata exclaimed as he threw his arms around. “Y/N-chan, I know you don’t like that it’s a guy, but it doesn’t stop the fact that if you ignore it then you could get Hanahaki disease or Kirameki disease!”

“Those are unrequited love things, Shouyou,” Y/N said as he rolled his eyes.  “Also, they rarely happen in soulmate cases.  It’s typically when you love someone who isn’t your soulmate. Or if your soulmate loves you and you don’t love them at all.”

“Still!” Hinata yelled before he grabbed at his friend’s arm to stop him. “There’s nothing wrong with being with a guy!  Just make sure you don’t get hurt!”

“So, you don’t care that I apparently like guys?”

Hinata made a confused face and shook his head.

“Why would I care? It’s not like you’re in love with me.”

“Yeah, I do have standards.”

“Hey!” Hinata exclaimed with an annoyed expression and the h/c haired boy laughed. “I think I’m part of the high standards!”

“Shouyou, you don’t even understand what I’m saying,” Y/N said as he tried not to laugh. “Having standards means someone has certain things they want in someone.”

“Explaining it made it worse!” Shouyou yelled as he threw his head back.

Y/N didn’t know why he was so worried about Hinata knowing he was gay.  The ginger was still the same idiotic person that the h/c haired boy had known back in elementary school.  As his laughing died, his smile stayed on his face.  He really was thankful for his best friend.

 *****

 Y/N found himself staring at Tsukishima as the blonde played in the three-on-three.  It was normal to watch people play that you’d never seen before, but he knew he couldn’t stop staring because the other looked good when he played.  L/N was fairly certain he didn’t look all that attractive when he played because he sweated as if he’d never have another day to.

“So, snakes with no arms,” Sugawara said as he went to stand next to the h/c haired libero.  The third year setter loved the first words so much that it was now a weird nickname. “I see you’re staring at Tsukishima, especially after he took off his sweatshirt.”

That was attractive. Seeing the middle blocker getting into the game to the point he had to take his sweatshirt off was enough to get Y/N wanting to get over the entire ‘I hate you’ thing.  Maybe if the blonde kept it up, L/N would be attracted to him enough to want to kiss him.  He couldn’t just tell someone that because that’s weird.  It would be especially weird if it were his upperclassmen who was staring at him way too intensely.  His cheeks started to burn red from the attention and he looked at the floor.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but your staring is a bit too much.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Sugawara looked away from the other, and it seemed like he actually felt bad that he overwhelmed the other.  The libero could tell that the third year probably would go back and not stress him out if he had the chance to.

“It’s okay to look at him though.  He is your soulmate,” Suga said, and the first year looked over at the ash blonde curiously. “No one is going to get mad at you, well except for Tsukishima.  He seems like a real stick in the mud kind of person while you’re peppier and a very subdued version of Hinata.”

Y/N laughed a little as he shook his head. “I’m not sure if you’re insulting me or not.”

“I don’t insult my underclassmen until I’ve known them for at least a month,” the vice-captain said and the first year gave him a weird look.

“I guess that gives me time to do stupid shit and not be bullied for it.”

Sugawara laughed as his hand landed of Y/N’s shoulder.  When he looked at the libero, his eyes held more mischief than the h/c haired boy liked.

“Insulting and bullying are two different things.” The third year looked over and pointed at Tsukishima. “Anyways, you can go back to watching your stick in the mud soulmate block people again.”

Y/N reluctantly did but he also watched Hinata, who would always be overdramatic and over trusting, spike Kageyama’s perfect sets.  The h/c haired boy hoped the setter didn’t end up hurting his best friend by going back to his harsh ways from junior high.  If he did hurt Hinata though, then L/N would have to kill him because no one was allowed to do that to.  The ginger brought light with him everywhere, his name literally meant sunshine, and he had been the one thing in the h/c haired boy’s life that had never changed.

He wanted to see if he could receive those crazy quick attacks.  Wanted to know how much power was behind them and if they’d hurt his arms when it came into contact with them?  How fast would he have to become to know when they’re going to happen and where.

It wasn’t surprising that Kageyama and Hinata’s team won because they had created a new freak quick attack.  This meant Kageyama would get to play as setter if the coach allowed him to and it seemed that Karasuno’s coach/advisor did whatever the third years told him to. He’d get to play as a starter in their practice match against Seijoh because of course, the first year setter’s senpai had some sort of rivalry with him.

“Tell me, Kageyama,” Y/N said and the blue eyed first year glared at the other. “Damn, I was just going to ask why Oikawa seems to be targeting you.”

“I don’t know,” Tobio said as he looked down at the ground and h/c haired boy wasn’t so sure he believed that but didn’t say anything.

“Y/N-chan, did you see my spiking!” Hinata exclaimed and the libero nodded.

“Yeah!  You’re better than I thought you were, but not by much.”

“So mean, Y/N!”

The h/c haired boy saw Tsukishima looking over at him, only for the blonde to look away.  Soulmates were supposed to be curious of each other and try to learn more about one another, but it seemed the middle blocker was going to be difficult.  

“Hey, Tsukishima. You’re really good at blocking,” Y/N said, seeing what would happen, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t ask,” Tsukishima said with a slight glare and the h/c haired boy shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t say it,” he said with a chuckle. “So, get used to it.”

“Annoying brat.”

 *****

 “You’re doing a terrible job at getting Tsukishima to like you,” Suga told Y/N before practice one day and the first year libero gave him a confused look.

“I’m not trying to do anything.  It’s going to take time because he’s obviously incredibly stubborn,” Y/N said with a sigh. “So, it’s not worth rushing.”

“I met my soulmate in junior high.  He goes to a different high school though,” Suga said before he chuckled slightly. “His first words to me were ‘I didn’t know angels existed’ and mine to him was ‘hey, are you going to faint’.  He still calls me angel.”

Y/N smiled at his upperclassmen because that was one of the few slightly cute word exchanges he had heard of.  Most middle schoolers had stupid ones but the libero couldn’t judge anyone by any means due to what he said.

“Why doesn’t he go here?” L/N asked and the ash blonde fetched his phone of his bag.

“He moved to Sendai right before first year of high school but we still talk,” Suga said before he showed the first year a photo of the ash blonde with a brunette with glasses.

“He looks like Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran High School Host Club,” L/N said and the Koushi looked at the photo and smiled.

“I guess you’re right.” He put his phone back in his back and gave the h/c haired boy a look. “You’re incredibly charming, just use it on Tsukishima.  He’ll bully you for the rest of your life because of the words but at least you’ll have each other.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

 *****

 The sight of Kindaichi and Kunimi made Y/N roll his eyes.  Of course, he had to see those two again as if having Kageyama on his team wasn’t bad enough.  The dirty look they gave him as he walked by made him roll his eyes because of course they’d act like that.  It hadn’t been Y/N’s fault Kitagawa lost but their own fault for crumbling as a team.

“We’re not going to lose to you again, L/N,” Kindaichi said and the h/c haired boy looked at him and shrugged.

“Words are just words, where are your actions to prove them?” He asked and it had been the last thing he said to the boy in front of him at Interhigh Finals.  The turnip haired boy had always talked big but never fully showed what he actually had.

“Stop talking to them and come on,” Tsukishima said and the libero rolled his eyes.

“Okay but do you ever wonder if snakes have arms?” Y/N asked a smile on his face and the blonde glared at him.

“You make it so hard to even try to be nice to you,” Kei said as he walked ahead, no longer alongside L/N.

“Awe!” Y/N exclaimed as he covered his heart with his hands, making sure to be extra overdramatic. “You were trying to be nice to me, how cute!”

“L/N, stop harassing Tsukishima!” Daichi called out and Sugawara elbowed him in the side, making the captain let out a small ‘oof’ sound. “Let’s warmup!”

 *****  

The match was going just fine, especially the small competition that Watari and Y/N had going to see who could get the most digs.  The Karasuno first year libero was fairly certain he was the only one aware of this competition but that didn’t matter to him because he wasn’t going to lose. He wanted to destroy Kindaichi every time they went against each other, purely because the other always made the comment he would beat Y/N.

Kageyama and Hinata’s quick attack took the other team by surprise but that was to be expected. Without it, L/N was pretty certain Karasuno wouldn’t have been doing so well.  Seijoh had a team that was recruited, unlike the crow school.  Seijoh had tried to recruit Y/N but his mother had been so fixed on him going to Shiratorizawa to the point she told him to just unfriend Hinata because he wasn’t on Y/N’s level anyways.

When Oikawa Tooru entered the court, the h/c haired libero looked him over and knew the pretty boy would most likely end up being trouble.  He had been on the bench his first year of junior high but he had seen Seijoh’s setter destroying people with his jump serve and there was no telling how deadly it was now.  No telling how badly the libero would want to receive every last one.

Y/N was rotated out with Tsukishima for reasons he didn’t understand but let happen.  When Oikawa started targeting the blonde and Shouyou, he wanted back on the court then because sure the two couldn’t receive for shit but he wanted to be the one trying to receive those serves.

“Do they really not know how to receive?” Y/N asked Sugawara as he flinched at the sight of the two first year struggling. “I thought Hinata was getting better.”

“That’s him being better,” the third year said with a slight chuckle. “I thought you would know how bad Hinata is at volleyball since you came to Karasuno for him.”

Y/N hadn’t really gone to Karasuno entirely for Hinata but because he had someone to lean on, so then he didn’t fall in love with someone on the team.  The fact that Tsukishima was his soulmate fucked up everything. He could’ve just gone to Shiratorizawa and been gay for Ushijima like nearly every other volleyball player and it be acceptable but instead he had to go to Karasuno and meet his fucking soulmate.

“L/N switch out with Tsukishima,” Kiyoko said and the two first years quickly did so.

The blonde looked annoyed and the h/c haired libero couldn’t blame him.  It would be like Y/N trying to spike and block when he’s never done those things, although Tsukishima had learned to receive; just not to the ability he should have.

“Look at who Karasuno’s libero is,” Oikawa said and e/c eyes tracked his every movement.  He was going to give a nasty serve and direct it at Hinata most likely. “Doesn’t mean much at this point.”

The serve was perfect and somehow Y/N got it to go up.  He knew it looked flawless but his arms hurt like hell now.  Hinata scored the last point and the libero smirked as he looked at Kindaichi.  He’d always beat anyone who told him he couldn’t.

“That was a nice receive,” Oikawa said and the libero looked over at the setter before he shrugged.

“Pretty easy one to get so I’m not sure why everyone was struggling,” he lied and he could feel his arms throbbing, knowing that time was luck and he’d have to train to receive the other’s serves next time.

“Why are you with Karasuno? You obviously have more skill than anyone of them.”

How does someone say that you fell in love with someone in middle school who wasn’t your soulmate and realized you were gay, which broke you down and the only person you felt at ease with was your best friend who wanted to play volleyball with you, so you picked the school you never thought you go to?

“I mean I could’ve joined your team or Shiratorizawa but,” he said but he was cut off.

“Are you just going to talk all day?” Tsukishima asked and the other two players had no idea when the blonde had arrived.

“Sorry, seems that it’s time to go.  It was good finally playing against you, Oikawa-san,” the h/c haired first year said before he turned to leave but the brunette grabbed his wrist.

Y/N looked down at his hand and Tsukishima stepped in, detaching the hand from the libero’s wrist. He didn’t speak but it was obvious the words he wanted to say were “don’t you dare” but the third year setter apparently couldn’t tell.

“I know you hate Kageyama, so why are you so okay with playing on the same team as him?” Tooru asked and there a weird sort of desperation in his eyes, as if he had been searching for an answer to the question for longer than he’d let on.

“I don’t think I actually hate him,” Y/N said with a shrug. “Hated how fucking annoying of an opponent he is.”

“Can you please stop talking about the king and go?” Tsukishima asked and he was obviously frustrated.

Your soulmate has to care for you.  You could hate them with all you have and still care about them because that’s how soulmates work.

It was why Y/N knew he didn’t need to work so hard to get Tsukishima to like him because it would happen. His mother had always told him that your soulmate is required to love you, which wasn’t always beautiful. Sometimes you loved a person who was evil and you had no control over it.

“Yeah, it was nice meeting you, Oikawa-san,” Y/N said and followed after the blonde middle blocker, who had an irritable expression on his face. “Thank you for getting me out of that.”

The first year middle blocker didn’t respond but Y/N could see the faint red tinge to his ears. What a tsundere.

 *****

 “Are you saying that because I’m short?” A voice asked as Y/N entered the gym to see Hinata next to a dark haired boy with a blonde streak in the front of his hair.  He froze because that couldn’t be him.

“No, you’re good at receives,” Hinata said before he smiled wide. “Also, my best friend is a little taller than me and he’s a libero too!”

“Really?” Noya asked and L/N wanted to leave the gym and pretend he had never been on the volleyball team because meeting the other libero was going to be embarrassing.

“Yeah!” Hinata exclaimed before he noticed the h/c haired first year and pointed at him. “There he is!”

Noya looked at the frozen boy with wide eyes before he grinned so wide it looked like it could hurt. Tanaka, Sugawara, and Daichi were all over to the side, ready to watch this interaction.  The second year had grumbled about the fact he hadn’t been able to play against third year L/N Y/N because he looked like he could kick his ass.

“You are L/N Y/N!” The 5’2” libero screamed as he went over to the other and all Y/N could do was nod. The libero was cuter without a net between them and it made the first year nervous. “I’m Nishinoya Yuu from Chidoriyama Junior High, you may remember me.”

“Of course, I remember you,” Y/N said with an insulted tone in his voice. “You were the best libero I ever went against in junior high.  No one has ever pissed me off more but it made the game exciting.”

“I thought the same about you!” Noya exclaimed with twinkling eyes that made the h/c haired libero swoon slightly. “So, if you’ve gotten better, then I may be fucked.”

Y/N had found the second year libero attractive when he went up against him about two years ago.  He’d never gone against a libero that was obviously as dedicated to the position as he was.  Passion was attractive and the h/c haired boy would admit to that every time and it was probably why it was hard to find Tsukishima attractive because he just never seemed passionate about anything (except that once during the 3-on-3).

“He is definitely better than you,” Tanaka said, obviously just trying to rile up the second year libero. “Just wait until you go up against each other again and he kicks your ass.”

“I’m not that good.” It didn’t seem like the other two heard him and he wasn’t sure what to really say to get their attention. “He’s going to always be better than me.”

Noya looked over with a smirk that made the first year weak in the knees.  He had never found anyone as attractive as the blonde streak second year and would have to say he still had a small crush on him.  He wasn’t a second year in junior high anymore though and now knew who his soulmate was but why did the other still make him feel like he could be in love.

“No need in trying to flatter me when you’re already my favorite.” Noya laughed slightly and Y/N’s heart was beating so fast it hurt. “We will see who the best libero is but just know I’m not going to throw it just because I’m an amazing senpai.”

“I’d never want you to throw it, senpai,” Y/N said and the second year libero turned bright red at the title.  The first year looked at him curiously, unsure as to why he turned so red. “Is everything okay?”

Tanaka’s hearty laugh rang throughout the gym and Noya glared at the shaved head middle spiker. There was obviously something more than L/N knew and he just kept looking at the two curiously because he didn’t understand what he was missing.

“Don’t worry, it’ll make sense later,” Sugawara said as he placed a hand on the younger boy’s shoulder, only to make Y/N jumped slightly. “Or it may not and you’ll have to ask me what it means.”

Y/N just nodded as he looked over at the two second years, who were now wrestling, and sighed slightly. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do about Noya because this would result in disaster.  It was already clear to him that he didn’t want to be soulmates with Tsukishima and if he started to fall in love with Noya– well who knows what would happen.  Maybe he needed to quit the team because it was justifiable now because his nightmare would most likely come true.

“Maybe I should quit the team,” Y/N said and the ash blonde third year looked over at him curiously. “I mean Noya is going to be starter and I doubt we will ever need to sub for him, so I’ll just be waiting until my third year to finally play.”

“Are you really admitting defeat?” Noya asked and the h/c haired boy looked over to see the second year have a challenging look in his eye. “The L/N I played against two years ago would have never just said that.  He probably would try his hardest to kick my ass and show me who’s boss, even as a first year.”

He was right because that’s exactly what Y/N had to do to play before his third year in junior high. He surpassed his senior because he wanted to play against Nishinoya and wanted to become good enough to consistently receive the powerful jump serves Oikawa had shown.  L/N had struggled to get better but he did it in a way that surprised his coach as well as the amount of schools that had tried to recruit him for high school.

“Okay, so how do you want me to kick your ass?” Y/N asked as he took a step closer to Noya, who also took a step closer to the first year. “Want me to slam you to the ground?  Or maybe you’d prefer for me to tease you until you’re at my feet.”

The blonde streak boy’s cheeks were burning bright pink and he couldn’t look at the boy in front of him, which cause Y/N to smirk.  This wasn’t his normal self but the competitive side that came out whenever he was challenged, typically during a game.

“You’ve broken him!” Tanaka exclaimed with a laugh and L/N looked the second year libero up and down before rolling his eyes.

“What has L/N done?” Tsukishima asked as he entered the gym and he looked interested in knowing what’s going on.  It was because his soulmate was being spoken about and you’re always curious when your soulmate is being spoken about.  Part of Y/N wished it were more than that.

“He broke Noya!” Tanaka exclaimed, his laughter nonstop as if this were the funniest thing he had gotten to experience in a while.

“Noya challenged him and when L/N gave the same energy back, and well our libero started to malfunction,” Sugawara said and there was a glint of something in the blonde’s eyes.

“Oh really?  Can L/N even beat Noya in a competition?” Tsukishima asked and the h/c haired boy turned around to look the middle blocker in the eyes.

“Do you just want to see me play?” Y/N asked with fake innocence in his voice. “It’s okay if you do because I’ll practice right in front of you.”

Tsukishima didn’t change in any way but the libero wasn’t fully ready to break him.  He was in full on competitive mode, something he hadn’t shown off at the practice match because that one didn’t matter like the real thing would.

“Or do you want me to lose so I’ll go running to you and you can comfort me?” He asked as he tilted his head. “Too bad I’m not going to lose, so you’re just going to have to ask me to run to you.”

Tsukishima looked over the libero and Y/N knew this was a moment of your soulmate has to find interest in you; has to want you.  Suga had said he really needed to charm the blonde but it seemed like he didn’t really have to try so hard.

“Wait, they’re soulmates?” Noya asked and Sugawara nodded as he watched the two first years, unsure if he was able to look away. “But I wanted him to be my soulmate!”

Tsukishima’s eyes shot over to the second year and there was a look that made the libero fidget slightly and quiet down.  The blonde pushed the h/c haired boy’s shoulder gently for him to move as he looked at the blonde streak boy.

“It’s too bad that he already has one, isn’t it?” Tsukishima questioned before he turned back to the first year and rolled his eyes.  He acted as if Y/N had just done what the blonde did, which made the first year libero scoff.

“I’m actually open to changing who my soulmate is.” Y/N’s smirk and how he checked out the middle blocker created just a tinge of pink on the blonde’s ears. “Mine seems to hate me most of the time.”

The tension was already thick but Tsukishima’s silence made it even worse.  Hinata, who had somehow managed to stay quiet throughout all of this, decided to finally speak.  L/N wasn’t sure if he should love his best friend of debate on fighting him.

“Did I ever tell you what my soulmate is going to say to me?”  

Hinata’s eyes were bright and shining, which would make everyone assume that he was just being annoying but he was trying to get the attention off of the situation.  It also helped that he hadn’t shared that since the entire thing of L/N and Tsukishima had happened.  The excuse of it wasn’t every day that teammates ended up being soulmates and it was excited that it had happened.

“No, I don’t think you have,” Suga said as he looked over at the ginger boy, who grinned brightly. “Want to share it?”

“He always wants to share it,” Y/N said with a laugh and he wasn’t sure if they all knew that he and Hinata had been there for their words.

“One day I’m gonna set for you,” Hinata said as he showed his wrist. “It’s exciting that they also love volleyball.  I just don’t know if it’s going to be a girl because isn’t that something a guy would say to you?”

Thankfully, this opened up a whole other debate and L/N turned to leave and maybe even go to the club room and stay there.  Or maybe he’d just leave and never come to another practice because no matter how confident he could act; Noya would beat him.  It wasn’t something that destroyed him to know because it made sense and you can’t go against sense.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Tsukishima asked, his long fingers wrapped around the h/c haired boy’s wrist.  If he really wanted to, Y/N could just break out of the hold and continue walking but he didn’t. “Well?”

“To the club room.” His voice is soft, unlike when he was cocky with competitiveness. “You’re free to join if you want.”

The hand let go of his wrist, which made it just fall limp to his side.  He turned around to see Tsukishima looking at him with analytical eyes, which put him on edge.  What would the blonde see that the libero wouldn’t want him to, or just not yet.

The effects of soulmates seemed to only be affecting Tsukishima and Y/N wasn’t sure as to why. There weren’t any feelings of wanting to be closer to the blonde.  There weren’t really even any feelings of attraction.  The middle blocker just existed and happened to be soulmates with him and that was that.

“Sure, why not.”

Yamaguchi said nothing when they walked past him, although it was obvious he wanted to.  He wanted to make a comment about the sudden closeness between the two but it died before he even opened his mouth.  Y/N wondered if the olive haired boy feared the middle blocker because he saw no reason to.

Did he see Tsukishima differently than everyone else?  He didn’t see a real reason as to how he could.  The blonde was just closed off and bitchy and the h/c haired boy had dealt with someone like that on his old team.  He had gotten into a fight with L/N the second week into their first year because the libero just snapped back at any comments.

“So, you want to quit?” Tsukishima asked and the h/c haired boy looked over at him with a shrug. “Well, don’t.”

“Why?” Y/N asked as he tilted his head slightly and the blonde looked away from the other.

“Won’t be the same without you.” His ears were tinged pink. “Also, it shouldn’t matter if someone is better than you if you can obviously get better.”

A smile played on the libero’s lips as he looked the blonde over. “Are you trying to say that you think I’m a good player?  Are you trying to compliment me?”

Tsukishima grumbled slightly as he looked down at the concrete.  He was embarrassed and the h/c haired boy wanted to laugh but all he could do was smile at his soulmate.  Moments like this were when L/N should find the middle blocker attractive because it was a moment where he was actually raw and not calculated like he wanted everyone to see.

“It’s not really a compliment if it’s a fact.”

Y/N stopped walking and stared at the blonde, who stopped in his tracks a couple of strides in front of the other.  People had said that to him before and he never believed them.  Sure, he knew he was a good libero but he wasn’t good enough in his book.  Tsukishima saying it felt different though and the h/c haired first year would end up saying it was just because they were soulmates.

Soulmates always changed everything.

“Do you really mean that?” Y/N asked and his confident façade fell as he looked at the other with wide eyes. “Do you really think I’m good player?”

“Of course I do.” Tsukishima rubbed the back of his neck as he looked anywhere but his soulmate. “Everyone thinks so.  Do you not?”

“Not really.”

Why was he telling the middle blocker this?  They were merely teammates who didn’t actually talk about anything except for plays and when Tsukishima saved him from situations.  He’d just blame soulmates because he didn’t think he’d start to actually want the blonde this fast.

“Why?” Tsukishima asked and he looked like he actually cared and it was too much for L/N.

“Maybe I’ll tell you another time.” He spoke fast. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.  See you later.”

The blonde first year didn’t seem upset by the sudden change in heart and just moved to the side for the other to walk by.  L/N started to run whenever Tsukishima was no longer in sight and ended up at the tennis court.  Maybe he should’ve actually gone to the bathroom instead of receiving weird looks from the boys’ tennis club.  He didn’t care enough to actually to turn back and fell to the ground to lay in the grass as he stared up at the blue sky.

He was scared to fall in love, even with Tsukishima.  He was scared to fall in love with his own soulmate.  How fucked up was that?  Most people eagerly accepted the feelings that came with soulmates but those feelings just made him feel gross.  It felt wrong.  It all just felt wrong.

It didn’t feel wrong like this when he fell in love in junior high.  It didn’t feel wrong to have a crush on Nishinoya.  Why didn’t those feel wrong?  Why did feelings concerning his soulmate feel wrong?

He didn’t like how it felt whenever Tsukishima gently touched his shoulder or small of his back the very few times he had done it.  The feeling lingered until that night when he was in bed and it was all he could feel.  It was all that consumed him to the point where he had to reach into his boxers and imagined it was Tsukishima’s warm hands instead of his own.  After it was over, he felt so disgusting that he couldn’t look the blonde in the face for a couple of days.

Y/N hated how he always leaned in to hear more of what the other first year was saying.  It was a soulmate thing because you always wanted to hear your soulmate whenever they spoke.  He found it annoying and hated the way Tsukishima always turned his body towards him when he spoke.  The way the blonde’s voice was deep and made L/N’s knees weak at times.

He wasn’t attracted to him though because it all felt wrong.  It felt wrong to masturbate while he thought it was someone else.  It felt wrong to be affected by a voice.  It felt wrong to not even find that person attractive, even with everything else attached.  Y/N wanted there to be something that made the blonde attractive but there was no spark there.

Takeshi had been attractive. He had made the h/c haired boy dizzy from his smile and how his eyes shined with excitement whenever he stepped into the gym.  There was also the way he laughed and always leaned into the libero, which made his lightheaded.  It all felt so good compared to whatever he was feeling with Tsukishima.  Why did it feel so different?

 *****

 Tsukishima had grabbed his wrist during practice and pulled him out of the way of a rouge volleyball. Y/N wanted to scream at him to stop touching him because he couldn’t handle it.  The thought of going home and eventually having to touch himself because it was all he could think about wasn’t something he wanted to do.

Instead he pulled away with an awkward smile before he went over to Nishinoya to practice more receives. Noya gave him a playful smile as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Trouble in paradise?” He asked with a laugh.

The second year hadn’t been quiet about his crush on the first year.  He was loud about it to the point Tsukishima glared at him constantly and asked Y/N to change his position to something that wasn’t a libero.  The h/c boy said that Noya would eventually find his soulmate and the crush would go away.  It wasn’t like they were going to fall in love or anything.

“Wasn’t paradise to begin with,” Y/N said as he tossed the ball over to the dark haired boy to start receiving in between each other. “Pretty sure he still hates me a bit but that’s fine.  I’m not really ready to fall in love yet.”

Noya only nodded before he smirked at the other.  L/N always wanted to know what the other was thinking but never asked.  He never asked questions about anything.  Never saw a reason to.

“Do you remember the first words you said to me?” The second year asked and the h/c boy nodded.

“Pretty sure I was going to kick your ass or something.” Y/N received the ball with more force than normal. “Why?”

“Just wondering.” Y/N caught the volleyball and stared at him. “I just find it weird that your soulmate is Tsukishima.  It would make more sense if it were me.”

L/N wouldn’t necessarily agree.  When he wasn’t having a crisis, he was more like Hinata but not to an extreme.  He made more sarcastic remarks, quick comebacks, and genuinely happy the majority of the time.  It was just that now he was using volleyball to avoid thoughts and feelings, just like he did back in junior high.

“Soulmates don’t work out how we want them to or how we feel like they should,” Y/N said, his mother had told him this when he said his was a boy. “We have to accept and let it all happen.”

“Yeah,” Noya said with eyes that showed he was trying to understand. “Let’s make people serve for us.”

Y/N nodded as he threw the ball over into the ball cart and followed his upperclassman.  He wondered what his wrist said because he couldn’t see it through the orange sweatbands that covered both wrists.  Was it embarrassing?  Was he ashamed of it?

“Nishinoya-senpai, what are your words?” Y/N asked and the second year was getting used to being called the honorification, so the bright red face was now just pink blush on his cheeks.

“Doesn’t matter,” Noya said before he tackled Tanaka and the first year watched his upperclassman carefully.

L/N wanted to know why it didn’t matter but he was fairly certain he wouldn’t get an answer.  Maybe it actually didn’t matter.  Tsukishima and him being soulmates only mattered because they were on the same team and everyone had to deal with it.  Hinata’s words only mattered because Y/N had been there to experience whenever the ginger received them.  Sugawara’s words only mattered because he had told them to the first year.

Soulmate words didn’t matter just like soulmates didn’t.  He started to hate soulmates again because everything was supposed to feel magical and perfect instead of whatever he currently felt.  It didn’t make his heart race when he caught Tsukishima staring at him, instead it made him want to vomit.  There weren’t moments where his face felt hot from the blonde. He didn’t yearn to be next to the middle blocker when they were apart.

L/N wasn’t in love with Tsukishima and decided that maybe they weren’t meant to be soulmates.

 *****

 Y/N had never been one to get sick.  He had taken care of Shouyou when his friend got the flu and didn’t get it.  He had never missed a day of school because he was sick. His mother had once said it was like he had a superhuman immune system.  So, when he complained about being nauseated, his parents were slightly concerned.

“Have you been overworking yourself?” His mother asked as she made him some porridge. “I know it’s been stressful for you and handling the soulmate thing as well as not being a starter.”

“It hasn’t been announced yet who the starter is, we find out in two weeks.  Remember golden week?” Y/N asked and his mother nodded. “I’m not going down without a fight, so of course I’m working hard.”

His mother put some of the porridge in front of him and he looked at it as if it would jump out at him. The smell wasn’t great but it also wasn’t bad.  Hinata had always complained about the taste of it, so L/N was surprised when it wasn’t all that bad.  He ate a little of it, his appetite still lacking, and was sent to bed.

Apparently it’s not allowed to practice if you don’t feel well.  It was just another reason as to why the libero decided he would never get sick again.  Sure, no one wanted to be sick but he really wanted to be at practice right now.  He had started to get the hang of a rolling receive and Nishinoya was getting pissed over it.  Y/N had reassured his upperclassman that he wouldn’t scream rolling thunder whenever he did it.

L/N wanted to be better than Noya or at least be proper competition because it was fun to bicker with him.  He enjoyed having the second year as his friend and his crush faded slightly when he got to be around him to the extent he had been.  They’d also be going up against Nekoma, a school he had heard about from some family that lived up in Tokyo as well as the new coach.  Coach Ukai didn’t seem extremely qualified for the position but Y/N didn’t really care as long as he got to play somehow.

When he finally laid down, he felt the need to go to the bathroom.  Hopefully, the porridge was just gross because was going to really refuse to be sick if he actually was.  The race to the toilet was perfectly timed and he threw up not just the porridge but three white flower petals as well.  He didn’t remember eating flowers.  Was he really that sick to where he ate flowers?

He stared at the toilet bowl; the smell terrible but he couldn’t stop staring at those three white flower petals.  Y/N heard his mother coming down the hall and he quickly wiped his mouth off with toilet paper and flushed the toilet.  She looked at him so worried when she opened the door and he tried to reassure her he was okay; the porridge just didn’t sit well in his stomach.

She ordered him to go to bed immediately, even though he didn’t have a fever.  L/N wasn’t tired and all he could think about was when he and Hinata walked to the three-on-three together.  He remembered exactly what Hinata said, word for word.

“Y/N-chan, I know you don’t like that it’s a guy, but it doesn’t stop the fact that if you ignore it then you could get Hanahaki disease or Kirameki disease!”

L/N really thought that those things were myths.  Only ever told to kids to scare them into making sure they love their soulmate. Those three petals said otherwise. He felt stupid now and wondered what he was going to do.

Hinata was right.  You can get Hanahaki disease if don’t fall in love with your soulmate.

 *****

 L/N never had a fever, his appetite was just nearly nonexistent and he ended up getting a cough. He expected to throw up more but it was rare, which went against the symptoms he had seen online.  If his mother was to look through his computer history, then she’d be concerned for his safety.  He mainly looked at academic articles over it because he didn’t want to read fucked up fanfiction about celebrities having it.

A study had been done that if both soulmates didn’t like each other, Hanahaki wouldn’t happen. There was unrequited love when one loved the other but the feelings weren’t reciprocated.  The only way to reverse it was to fall in love with your soulmate, which was shown to be easier than the libero thought it would be. That’s what statistics showed at least.

He was in stage one where only a couple petals appeared but not every time he coughed.  He needed to avoid as many symptoms as possible.  Symptoms for it could be coughing, vomiting, trouble breathing, fever, uncontrollable shaking, loss of appetite, low body temperature, and hallucinations.  Y/N already had coughing, vomiting, and loss of appetite.

The first year was smart in how he planned to try to fall in love with Tsukishima.  He started to sit next to him when he could and asked to walk home with him after practices.  It was just that it wasn’t working the way he wanted it to.  Kei (Tsukishima had told him to call him that) was actually funny when he wasn’t being a complete asshole.

He had even put his headphones on L/N and the libero learned that the middle blocker was into K-pop and J-pop.  The two stopped in the middle of street because the h/c first year couldn’t stop laughing about it.  Y/N looked up some of the groups the blonde had shown him and made vague comments about it during practice.

“Stop flirting,” Sugawara joked with a teasing smile.  He was probably the most excited to see the two finally interacting in a way that wasn’t at each other’s throats.

“I can’t help it, have you seen him?” Y/N said and Kei chucked a ball at him in response, but the libero received it. “You can’t take me by surprise when it comes to volleyball.”

It felt like they were just childhood best friends and L/N had slammed his head into the wall next to the vending machine outside the court.  Things between them had changed so much but he still struggled to form romantic feelings for the blonde.  What was different between Takeshi and Noya compared to Tsukishima?

Takeshi had gotten into his face once.  They were so close and he gripped his shirt as he screamed in L/N’s face to start acting like a libero.  It was his first year and he was still new and clumsy with volleyball but the brunette didn’t care.  Y/N got frustrated and stopped giving it his all but Takeshi didn’t allow it.  Even though they had both been first years, the brunette was the only person to make Y/N get fired up to play.

Then he heard and saw Nishinoya play and it was almost like someone had lit a fire in him.  He was antsy on the side of the court his first year and wanted to go against the other.  Noya was stunning to begin with but his love for volleyball made him even better.  L/N remembered when they had looked at each other through that net and he knew that everything just felt right.

“I hope you’re ready for me to kick your ass,” Y/N said to the other libero during warm-up. Nishinoya gave him a challenging look. “We’ll be going against Shiratorizawa.”

“Only way that’ll happen is if I give up.” Noya took a step closer to the other. “And I don’t do that.”

“Good because neither do I.”

Even though L/N’s team had lost in the end, he felt like he was on cloud 9.  His love for volleyball was at an all-time high.  His team was pissed at him for being so happy but Takeshi made the comment that it was rare to see two good liberos go against each other. It didn’t matter what it was but he felt like he was in love with Noya and volleyball.

Oh.

L/N realized that his crush on the two boys had started because of volleyball.  The crushes grew when his love for volleyball grew.  Their inspiration made him want to be better, love always did that though.  He read about it.

Tsukishima hadn’t inspired him the other boys had.  He showed no passion towards anything, especially not volleyball.  That was why Y/N kept struggling to fall in love with him because there wasn’t an actual connection of a share interest.  Sure, he could sing the lyrics to songs Kei loved but he didn’t love them himself.

There wasn’t a proper way for him to tell Kei that he didn’t love him, when the blonde obviously loved him, and it resulted in Hanahaki.  He couldn’t demand for him to show passion for something he wasn’t passionate about.  It was just that Y/N didn’t want to die.  He wanted to play with Karasuno and go to nationals.  He wanted to be in love with his soulmate.

If he told Tsukishima that, what would the blonde do?

 *****

 L/N had never been more excited for Golden Week because he loved practicing with his team.  He loved practicing with Shouyou and how the ginger was so excited about everything.  The h/c first year loved watching his friend run through the place they would be staying with wide starry eyes.  Even though Hinata had inspired him to play volleyball, he never fell in love with him.  Most likely because he had seen him as a brother for so long before that.

Kei placed his futon next to Y/N, which caused the two to be teased by Sugawara and Tanaka.  Daichi shut them up and sent the two first years an apologetic expression.  The middle blocker seemed more embarrassed than the libero, he moved his futon next to Yamaguchi’s instead.  He didn’t like attention, yet everyone gave it to him, mostly girls.

“Do you not want to sleep next to me?” Y/N asked when no one else was around. “It’s okay if you don’t but ignore them if you do.”

“Do you want me to sleep next to you?” Kei asked as he took a drink from his water bottle.  His expression was hard to read but the other knew it was because he was trying to feel out the situation.

He didn’t know if he wanted Tsukishima to sleep next to him.  Part of him honestly didn’t care who slept next to who as long as everyone got to sleep and no one was bitchy in the morning.  His old team had always been so bitchy in the mornings to the point he was told to stop being so cheery.  All he had really done was say good morning during breakfast.

“I want you to be happy,” L/N said and he was sincere. “If it makes you happy to have your futon next to mine, then do so.  I’ll deal with the others if I need to.”

Kei had a small smile on his face, the h/c first year nearly didn’t catch it.  The blonde was pretty when he smiled but the effect would go away all together if he started to smile all the time.  The barely noticeable smile stayed while he put his futon next to his soulmate’s but disappeared when it was no longer the two of them.

L/N smiled at him but there was a sadness to his smile.  He still wasn’t in love with Tsukishima and he was to the point that he so desperately wanted to be.

 *****

 When Hinata ran off without the team, L/N and Sugawara were teamed up somehow.  Tanaka said that Y/N and Tsukishima couldn’t go alone because they would get all lovey dovey.  Tsukishima told them he didn’t want to look for Hinata and L/N said he was going to go look and would join someone if needed.

As he and Suga walked around, he started to feel a little sick to his stomach.  The first year had grown used to this feeling but he was typically at home when it hit him.  He really didn’t want to throw up his breakfast in front of his upperclassman, especially if there would be flower petals in it.  Sometimes you don’t get to decide what you’re going to do.

L/N threw up on the side of the road and would’ve preferred a trash can but there wasn’t one around the two.  Suga looked over at him concerned and the libero could hear him go to talk before he fell silent.

There was a fully formed flower in the midst of the vomit.  A white candytuft, one of the more common Hanahaki flowers.  It meant ‘indifference’ and usually given to those who had tried to ignore their feelings.  He was getting worse and he knew it was because his efforts to fall in love weren’t working.

“How long?” Sugawara asked as he looked at Y/N. “How long has this been going on?”

“About two weeks. I’ve been leaving the gym to cough and the vomiting has happed maybe four times now.  This is the first fully formed flower.”

“I thought you were in love with him,” Suga said and the first year closed his eyes.

“I want to be.” His voice soft and he felt he could cry. “I look at him and I want to be in love with him so bad but he’s not passionate about anything.”

Suga’s upset expression fell into a gentle one.  He didn’t make an effort to move to comfort the other though.

“You’ve only ever been attracted to volleyball players, haven’t you?”

L/N looked up at him with tears running down his face. “Yes.  They make me want to be better.”

“Are you still in love with Nishinoya?” The setter asked and the libero wanted to act like he had never been in love with the second year but they both knew that would be a lie. He had been just as obvious as Noya.

“No, I’m not in love with anyone.” He crouched down and put his face between his knees. “That’s the fucking problem.  I’ve focused so much on trying to love Kei that I don’t even remember what feelings feel like anymore.  How am I supposed to feel?”

“Your heart beats faster whenever you’re around them.  You’re happy whenever they talk to you or you just see them.” Suga crouched down next to the other. “Life feels better when they’re around, even if it’s in mundane ways.”

“Those are all just soulmate things though,” L/N sniffled. “Everyone feels that for their soulmate.”

“What do you feel for Tsukishima?”

“I like being around him. He’s really fun to be around when he’s not as concerned with everything.”

The vice-captain placed a hand on the other’s back and it was comforting.  Koushi’s touch didn’t feel like Kei’s and Y/N was happy about that. He wanted that to only be a Kei thing because he wanted something to only be a Kei thing.

“We’re going to figure something out,” Suga said and L/N started to cry harder because he knew they wouldn’t. “I promise that you’re going to be in love with your stick in the mud soulmate soon.”

“You can’t promise things like that,” L/N cried and Suga’s hand rubbed comforting circles on the other’s back.  “You can’t get my hopes up.”

“Trust me, I always keep my promises.” He took his hand off the other’s back and stood up. “I’ll go find Hinata and we’ll come back around here.  You can have a bit to yourself.”

Y/N nodded as he looked at the flower that stared at him from the grass.  What would Tsukishima think when he learned the h/c boy’s flower meant indifference.  The only way you got that flower was when you actively decided to no longer want your soulmate.  There wasn’t much you could do to make yourself fall in love with someone past what he had done.  Countless articles had said so.

He wanted there to be a universal thing that made soulmates fall in love.  Typically just because they were soulmates did it but there were times this happened.  He wondered if maybe he was aromantic but turns out their soulmates are strictly platonic and they’re matched with someone else who is aromantic.  It also wouldn’t make sense because he had been so in love with Takeshi and Noya.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Someone asked and L/N had moved to sit somewhere that wasn’t the street. Tsukishima stood near him with a confused expression. “You’re not telling me that you got lost looking for Hinata.”

He called Shouyou Hinata whenever he was around L/N because the libero asked him to.  Said it was fine to tease his best friend but he didn’t want to hear the teasing when it was just the two of them.  Y/N had asked this with what Kei assumed to be fond eyes and the blonde couldn’t say no if he even tried.

“I don’t feel too great, so Sugawara went to look for Sho without me,” L/N said and realized he wasn’t lying when he said that.  He still felt nauseated and like he needed to lie down.

“You kind of look like shit,” Kei said before he placed the back of his hand of the h/c forehead. “You’re a little warm but you don’t feel like you have a fever though.”

“I love when you say I look like shit; you really know how to woo a guy.”

Kei smiled at him slightly. “Just for you.”

It was moments like this when Y/N wanted to love him so bad.  Moments where he wanted to reach out and just hold the other’s face between his hands and tell him all the reasons why he loved him.

“Do you love me?”

L/N didn’t mean to ask that. Maybe if he heard it, he’d love the other back.  Maybe he just needed confirmation that he was allowed to love him.

“Of course I do, dumbass.” He took a step away from Y/N. “Why else would I come look for you?”

Because you’re my soulmate. Because you feel like you have to. Because everyone told you to.  Not because you love me.

“Don’t know, thought you wanted to get more exercise in,” L/N teased and Kei rolled his eyes.

“Let’s get back to everyone, I don’t want to hear them go on about how long we were gone.” Tsukishima reached out a hand for the other to get down from the brick ledge better.  It wasn’t even that tall but the gesture made the libero want to cry.

“Maybe they should have reason to tease us.”

Tsukishima ears went red, especially when the libero grabbed his hand.

“Shut up.”

“Aw, don’t be like that Kei,” Y/N pouted but they both knew he was only joking around. “I know you want me to talk always.”

As they walked back to the team, holding hands, Kei realized Y/N never said he loved him back.

 *****

 Tsukishima noticed more than he let people believe.  It wasn’t like he suddenly knew someone just by observing but he could pick up tendencies people had.  Tadashi’s ears turned red whenever he lied, which was rare.  Hinata was livelier when he walked to practice with Y/N.  Kageyama was always in a mood and the blonde started to think it was just the setter’s resting personality.  Then there was Y/N and he couldn’t get a proper read on him.

Y/N always teased Kei when he thought was appropriate.  After heavy moments, there was always something to make the blonde roll his eyes and get out of that atmosphere.  He did it in front of everyone too.  He made SHINee references more than the middle blocker wanted him to but at least no one else on the team knew what he was referring to.  Y/N also called him Tsukki because he said he felt left out that Yamaguchi had a cute nickname for him but the h/c didn’t.

Tsukishima had grumbled and told him to call him whatever (he was then referred to as Optimus Prime) but he loved when the other called him Tsukki.  He loved when Y/N did anything when he was near him because everything felt so easy.  There was the argument that it was always felt that way with soulmates but the blonde refused to believe that.  He wanted it to be special between them.  It felt special to him at least.

L/N never told him that he loved him back though.

It had been eating away at him the couple days and it was finally the day of the Nekoma match.  He was near Y/N, who had clenched fists as he glared at the floor.  The h/c wasn’t made a starter and Noya had even fought with the coach about it.  Said that Y/N could be used in the second set because he was just as good as the second year.

“Hey,” Tsukishima said and the L/N looked up at him with watery eyes. “It’s okay.”

That was the wrong thing to say and he blamed not being able to get a good enough read on the other. He blamed his soulmate for not being transparent with him.

“I understand that this is just some fucking club for you but it’s not for me!” Y/N screamed as he dug a finger into Kei’s sternum. “You don’t understand because you get to play while I don’t.  I could’ve gone to Shiratorizawa and I don’t get to fucking play here.”

Usually, Tsukishima could get angry and throw sharp words at someone who acted like this towards him. He didn’t this time.  He grabbed the other’s hand and just held it as everyone stared at them.  Sugawara held back Noya, which was good because the blonde wouldn’t be as kind to the second year as he was to his soulmate.  The feeling of the Nishinoya being a threat had went away when Y/N decided to start being around the blonde more.  It went away when Kei felt like the other first year finally felt the effects of soulmates like he did.

“You’re right.  I don’t understand and I probably never will.” Tsukishima paused when he noticed the h/c had started to cry. “You can scream and cry and do whatever but everything will still be the same.”

Y/N ripped his hand away before he wiped his eyes.  Normally Tsukishima would find people pathetic for acting like this over some club but the boy in front of him was different.  He was different because he was his soulmate and because he just loved him.

It was obvious though by the way L/N looked away from him and grumbled at the court again that he didn’t love him back.  The realization made it crystal clear on how to read the libero.  Everything the two had ever done together made sense now with how Y/N acted.

He was shy to touch and only allowed hand holding.  Tsukishima had accidentally grabbed onto him one day when he tripped over something and the h/c refused to look at him for days after.  He didn’t let anyone touch him unless it was Hinata but they were basically brothers.  Any time that Kei had initiated something, there was tight smile on the other’s face as if he were being forced to deal with it.

Tsukishima had never walked him home because the other always said it was too far out of the way for him.  Hinata had made comments of Y/N living the closest to Karasuno out of anyone on the team. The blonde had already known that was a lie and he assumed that maybe L/N’s parents were like his mother, who had tried to invite the libero to dinner the first time he had been walked home.

He watched as Y/N stormed out of the gym and Hinata follow after him, and he couldn’t get himself to move. A hand touched his shoulder and it was Sugawara, who looked as if he could see right through the blonde. Maybe he could but Kei did nothing in response to the third year.  He stared straight ahead and tried to figure out what he was going to do with all these feelings.

“You’re allowed to be upset,” Suga said and the blonde looked over at him. “You’re allowed to talk to him about it.  I actually encourage you to because he most definitely won’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kei would just be cold hearted again and this wouldn’t bother him then.  He knew though that the next time he saw the first year libero, he’d forget that.  He’d just be happy to be next to him, even if he didn’t show it how most did.  His affection was making a playlist of his favorite songs to show Y/N before he had even thought about letting him actually listen to him.  His affection was keeping an extra hoodie in the club room in case the h/c complained about being cold.  His affection was everything no one actually saw.

“Sure you don’t,” Sugawara said before he lowered his voice to a whisper. “And Y/N definitely doesn’t have a flower collection growing.”

Tsukishima froze in place as his upperclassman walked away.  He didn’t move when Y/N came back with Hinata.  He watched Noya tackle the first year and shower him in compliments.  He couldn’t move because Y/N’s flower collection would be in his lungs and the blonde didn’t know what to do.

 ******

 It was dark outside by the time everyone had returned to Karasuno High School.  The h/c libero was still upset about the starting lineup and everyone knew.  Him yelling at Tsukishima had been one of the lighter things he had done.  There had been a fight with Coach Ukai where he had been threatened to be kicked off the team and Y/N told him to do it.

“There’s no point to volleyball if I can’t be a libero!” Y/N screamed and some of Nekoma stared at the sight.

“You’re still a libero, you’ll just play when rolling thunder kid can’t,” Ukai said and Takeda stood near them with a concerned expression. “It’s not that bad being on the bench.”

“It is though!  I thought you played volleyball.” Y/N threw his hands up in the air. “This is fucking ridiculous because you’re pulling class rank on this when he and I can just switch out when needed!”

“Don’t speak to me like that!” Ukai yelled back and the libero stared him down. “I will kick you off this team.”

“Do it.”

Everyone stared at the two and Hinata later made a comment that he had never seen Y/N so serious. The h/c first year had a look that made everyone uneasy.  It was almost as if he felt nothing and you were being forced to experience it.

“Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves now,” Takeda said, finally stepping in. “No one is going to be leaving the team today.”

Y/N had been quiet the entire way home and gave no attention to anyone except for Noya, who he quickly hugged.  When he walked over to Tsukishima, the blonde was surprised about it.  He had assumed that since the other didn’t love him and was in a shit mood that it would make sense for them to not talk.  L/N was more vibrant and vocal when he hadn’t just been threatened to be kicked off the team.

“You’re walking me home, let’s go,” Y/N said and Kei waved bye to Tadashi, who looked as confused as the blonde felt.

It was nice outside, even though the summer heat was nearly upon them, and Y/N didn’t talk like he normally did.  He was silent in a way that made anxiety build up in the blonde’s chest.  He could deal with a pissed off Y/N but he couldn’t deal with Y/N when he was pissed and possibly had Hanahaki.

“It’s so fucking ridiculous that he thinks he’s qualified to be a coach just because he used to play,” Y/N said and the blonde looked down at his soulmate, whose brows were furrowed together. “I just feel so useless to the team now, even after I spent my entire junior high dedicating myself to volleyball.”

He stopped in the road and look at Kei, who turned to look at him.  It was weird to be standing like this.  They never stopped on their walk home unless L/N started laughing so hard he couldn’t walk anymore.

“In junior high, I fell in love with a guy on my team and I used volleyball to try to get rid of those feelings.” Tsukishima just stared at him with no response. “I don’t love him anymore.  I don’t.”

He was struggling to say what the blonde didn’t want to hear.  He hated lying so much and hated being betrayed by those he trusted but he would be okay if Y/N lied to him forever if he didn’t have to hear it come out of his mouth.

“You don’t love me,” Tsukishima said and his voice was cold and the h/c nodded.

“I want to though.  I want to so badly.” Y/N was sincere in his words and Tsukishima didn’t expect for him to lie now, so he knew he wasn’t. “Please show me some kind of passion.”

“What do you mean?” The blonde asked as he tilted his head and leaned more into the other’s space. “Why do I need to show you passion?”

“Because I can’t love you and will die if you don’t!”

Y/N’s expression was blank but somehow his eyes held more pain than Tsukishima wanted to see.  He confirmed that he had Hanahaki in those words and the blonde didn’t know what to say.  Was he supposed to pull some fake passion out of his ass?  He couldn’t do that, even if he wanted to and he did.

“How long?”

“About two weeks.” Y/N looked down at his shoes. “Got my first entire flower the day Hinata got lost. Suga went on without me because I was sick.”

Tsukishima wanted to be angry.  He wanted to feel the need to scream and throw things.  Instead, he felt sad because he wasn’t sure on what there was to do. Explaining why he loved the other wouldn’t make him want him back.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to break your heart.” L/N’s voice was soft and weak. “I wanted to keep you happy for however long I possibly could.”

Tsukishima watched the other clench his fists before crying.  It was pathetic but it made his heart hurt more than he wanted it to. Y/N let out a wet cough and white flower petals ended up in his hands.  Sure, the blonde was in pain but it was obvious that the other was as well.

“I’ll just fall out of love with you since you can’t fall in love with me.”

He thought it was a good idea.  They could just back to pissing the other off and he could stop caring about how close Nishinoya stood next to the first year.  The way Y/N grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down said otherwise.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Y/N spat out as he glared the middle blocker dead on. “Once you fall in love with your soulmate, you’re in love with them.  You’re forever destined to be in love with me.”

It wasn’t fair that the blonde didn’t get a choice in this.  He deserved to get a choice in if he loved the other or not, especially if L/N had gotten that choice.  It wasn’t fair that he thought the other looked beautiful with wet cheeks and snot dripping from his nose but the other didn’t see him the same.

“Why don’t you love me?” Tsukishima asked and his voice was calm, which differed from the volume in his head.

“You’ve never really shown passion.” Y/N let go of his shirt and pushed him back slightly. “You got into the 3-on-3 but you never showed anything more than that.  Passion is different than not wanting to lose.”

Kei stared at him, surprised he remembered the 3-on-3.  He was surprised the other actually paid attention because he had never made it seem like he remembered the little things Tsukishima did.  He didn’t notice things like the blonde did; he didn’t want him. Kei’s brown eyes focused on the 5’6 libero as his fists clenched.

“I’m passionate about you!” Tsukishima screamed as he pointed at the h/c. “I’m so fucking in love with you that it hurts but you say I’m not passionate about anything.”

Y/N froze and Kei wanted him to do something.  He was angry and he didn’t want to say everything he thought or felt because he didn’t do that kind of thing.  He bottled everything up but he couldn’t do that with the other anymore.

“I text you to make sure you got home because I want to talk to you more, even if we talked the 30 minute walk to my house.  I love when you laugh at my comments and when you try to impersonate a song when you obviously can’t sing for shit.”

L/N kept staring at him like he couldn’t breathe.  I kept staring at him like he didn’t know how not to.  The fact that there were no interjections made the middle blocker continue.

“I’m honest with you and I’m not like that with anyone.  I don’t give two shits if it’s apparently some soulmate bullshit because to me it’s just a you and me thing.  You make me feel safe enough to say what I want to.” He stepped closer to the libero. “You make me fucking happy with your stupid comments and how you try to fix your hair before class even though it looked just fine before you messed it all up to fix.”

L/N’s breath hitched when the blonde took another step closer and the h/c first year finally looked up to where the two were making eye contact now.  Kei waited a moment for the other to say something but he didn’t. Y/N continued to just stare at him as if he still didn’t understand what was going on.

“I actually want to go to volleyball practice because I can see you play.  You’re amazing when you’re not on the court but you change the moment you’re in the gym,” Tsukishima said and he noticed how the other took a step closer to him. “You make me want to be a better player; to be on your level.  If I’m on your level, then I can actually play next to you like you’d want to.”

“Is this really how you feel?” Y/N asked, his eyes cutting through the blonde. “Or are you just saying in hopes that I won’t die.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Tsukishima looked down at the ground. “I also don’t want you to die.”

L/N threw his head back as he laughed.  Kei stopped breathing for a second at the sight and sound.  The 5’6 boy leaned forward into the blonde; his head landed on Kei’s chest as he continued to laugh slightly.  Warmth spread throughout the blonde’s body and he refrained from wrapping his arms around the other.

“I hate you so much,” Y/N said in between small laughs. “You had to get pissed at me for not thinking you’re passionate for it to all finally click.  You had to basically admit that I make you passionate.”

Kei wrapped his arms around the shorter male, who let out a deep sigh.  They had never done this before and now it’s all the middle blocker wanted to do.  He could basically hear their soulmate teacher saying that the effect of soulmates makes everything so much greater than it actually is.

“Can you do something for me?” Y/N asked as he pulled away enough for the blonde to look him in the eye.

“What?”

“Come closer,” Y/N said before he pulled the other down by the first and kissed him quick. “Thank you.”

Kei’s face was bright red and he couldn’t tell if the libero was flustered as well.  He felt like both of them should be flustered and he moved down to the kiss the other again.  It felt better than what he thought it would feel like.  His mother had said the moment she kissed his father, all of those feelings were real and not just dreams.  He felt the same right now, especially when the other looped his arms around his neck to keep him down.

“You’re in the middle of the street!” Sugawara screamed and Y/N pulled away with a laugh. “At least go home.”

“Do you guys always make out when walking home?” Hinata asked as he pulled his bike along and the h/c winked at the ginger, who shrieked.

“Of course, we don’t make out when we walk home,” Kei said and L/N pouted slightly. “He just happened to have jumped me.”

“I would never,” L/N gasped as he placed a hand over his heart. “How dare you accuse me of that?”

“Y/N-chan, I bet I can run down the hill faster than you,” Hinata said, bored of the conversation, as he put his bike down on the sidewalk.

“You’re on shorty!” Y/N exclaimed and the two started running.

“So, how is his flower garden?” Sugawara asked and Tsukishima jumped at the proximity of his upperclassman. “Did you kill it?”

“I think so,” he breathed out and the ash blonde nodded. “Unless he’s lying.”

They watched as Y/N tried to trip Hinata as they started to walk back up the hill.  The two first year boys laughing, mainly L/N, and Hinata would scream a ‘not fair’ every couple of moments.  It was the first time either of them had seen the h/c first year look so at ease in the month and a half of knowing him.

“I don’t think he’s lying,” Sugawara said.

L/N walked up to the blonde, beating Hinata back up to their stuff (even though he had technically lost by tripping the ginger five times), and beamed at him.  His smile felt like sunlight on a cold day and his eyes were fully of warmth, something the 6’2” first year had never noticed before.

“I’m hungry, want to get something to eat?” Y/N asked as he grabbed the other’s hand and Tsukishima’s skin tingled. “It’s on me if you want to be cheap.”

Kei intertwined their fingers and nodded. “You’re totally free to pay for me.”

Y/N groaned and looked over at Sugawara, as if the third year would help him out.  The ash blonde laughed slightly and looked over at Tsukishima.

“I think he wants you to pay,” Sugawara said and Kei looked down at his soulmate, who was pouting at him. “You don’t want to make him sad, do you?”

“Yeah,” Y/N said. “You don’t want to make me said, do you?”

Tsukishima sighed. The way the h/c looked at him was different and it made him want to do whatever the other wanted.  He didn’t have a lot of money to spend but maybe he could spend all of it on his soulmate.  He’d definitely do it if L/N kept looking at him with sparkling eyes and warm smile.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Pork buns!” Hinata exclaimed and Y/N started to laugh.  The ginger was too cute for the libero to handle.

“I was thinking more of sushi,” Y/N said and then he looked at his best friend. “I was also thinking of it more as a date.”

Hinata’s eyes widened as he nodded and the libero laughed a little at him.  He felt like he did before Takeshi and maybe the ginger would realize that.  The decoy turned to the blonde and tried to give him a threatening look.

“If you hurt him, then I’ll have to kill you.”

“Shouyou!” YN exclaimed. “He’d beat you before you could even try.”

The two started to argue over how mean L/N was and e/c eyes met brown eyes, which made Kei look away. Y/N walked over and grabbed the other’s hand that he had dropped when he started arguing and smiled over at Hinata.

“As much as I love you, I really want sushi.”

He also really wanted to kiss Tsukishima some more because it was better than anyone had ever described it to be.  He still felt warm all over and the other’s touch lingered on his skin but it didn’t feel like it used to.  Kei’s hand was warm in his and he wanted to bring it up to his face to kiss.

“Come on, Hinata,” Sugawara said as he wrapped an arm around the ginger’s shoulders. “I’ll buy you some pork buns.”

When the two were gone, Y/N looked up at Tsukishima and grinned at him.  He was going to get sushi for free.  The other first year couldn’t back out of it now because he basically said he’d buy it.

“You ready to go, boyfriend?” L/N asked and brown eyes widened as they looked at him.

“Boyfriend?” Tsukishima asked and it was obvious the title affected him but he was attempting to make it not seem that way.

“Yeah,” Y/N said as he brought the middle blocker’s hand up to his face and leaned his cheek into the palm. “Is that okay?”

Tsukishima’s thumb caressed the skin and love swelled up in his chest.  It had all hit him at once and it was so much more than he had ever felt for Takeshi and Noya, so he felt like he needed to make it happen.  He needed to make sure that they were on the same page because he feared he would continue to have Hanahaki if they weren’t.

The soft and fond smile on the blonde’s face made Y/N lean into the touch.  He wondered if they’d get to be affectionate like this more now. He hoped so.

“Of course, it’s okay, brat.” Tsukishima leaned down and kissed the crown of L/N’s head.  The nickname held so much affection that the libero wanted to laugh.  Only Kei would make an insult a pet name but it was okay. “It’s more than okay, you should know that.”

Y/N knew that but he had wanted to hear it nonetheless and it felt like he could finally breathe again.

Tag List

@chaoswrites​ @joyuyush​ 

[stubbedbakutoes]

Promise Ring

Bakugou accidentally slips up amidst an argument with (y/n). The question now is, does he feel guilty? at all?

pairing: asshole!bakugou x fem reader

word count: 2.1k

genre: angst (i advise grabbing some tissues before proceeding with caution mwahaha)

part 2

masterlist

Whilst his hands held up the ring in the glistening light of the gradually rising sun, her movements halted, thankful she was mere seconds away from having the hot liquid in her mouth because she would more than likely be spluttering and coughing at the shock of what he had just said. Bakugou darted his eyes away from hers, because he’s embarrassed.

But then he’s just looking back at her again. Because he couldn’t not look at her. He licked his suddenly dry as hell lips, shrugging a shoulder.

“Fell for you hard and I don’t want this to just be some fling that we’ll get over in a few weeks.” The blush was rising on his cheeks and she found this self-conscious side of him adorable.

“Kacchan!” She kicked his shin under the table. “You’re asking me to marry you?” She asked slowly. 

“No!” He scoffed playfully, which soon turned into a laugh when she squealed out something along the lines of ‘Don’t look so disgusted! how was I supposed to react to that, huh?’  “I mean, you’ve had my dick in your mouth, I'd say we’re pretty committed at this poi-.”

“But you’re really not proposing?” She cut him off, not wanting to hear anything from his vulgar mouth anymore.

“Shut up.” He chuckled, mindlessly playing footsie with her under the table. “I’m serious about it though.”

“Marrying me?”

Bakugou sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as a smile played on his lips, “About how we’re past the honeymoon stage.”

“What’s that?”  Lifting her mug of tea for the second time, she finally took her first sip of what was always a good cup of morning coffee when made by someone else, specifically Bakugou.

“You know... That period at the beginning  of the relationship when everything goes well and is free of problems.”

“Aside from arguing whether the toilet seat cover should stay up or not?”

Bakugou smiled fondly at her. “Sure.”

Their grins were far too wide and cheesy for this early in the morning but the feeling of giddiness they felt inside was too much to conceal and, without any further word on the subject, the rest of breakfast was served so the two could quiet down their grumbling stomach like a proper non-fling-type couple.

(y/n)’s trying the ring on her fingers, and when it only fits on her fourth finger (like he’d hoped), Y/N’s looking back at him. “I care about you too.” She smiled reassuringly. “And to prove it,” She began, stabbing a portion of Bakugou’s food with a fork. “I’ll have this piece of your pancake, thank you very much.”

“Where’s the correlation?”

“I just wanted to steal some food from you, sorry.”

“You’re not very good at being sly, aren’t you?” Bakugou giggled, playing with the matching ring on his pinky finger. “ I just. I love you, you know? And, like. I know we’re still young, so it’s obviously not an engagement ring. I like to consider it a promise. Something to keep your finger warm till I get you a proper ring.”

//

“—so now what? You just wait for me to leave so you can— what? Cheat on me?!” Bakugou slammed his open palm down on the wooden table, eyes alit with a fury so strong that even (y/n)'s terrified because she's never, ever, seen him this angry before. She's had fights with him before, of course she has, they've been together for over three years, but she's never seen him this determined to win an argument– to the extent that if they were in a cartoon show, he'd probably have smoke puffing out of either side of his ears.    

But this is no time for her imagination to be running wild because she's pissed, too. So much anger flooded her veins that tears accumulating in the corner of her eyes are almost spilling out — that's the worst kind of anger.   

(y/n) gaped at him. “Are you fucking serious right now? I had one single conversation with that guy and and you— you think I’m cheating on you?!” 

And what's filling her with rage is that what they're fighting over is stupid, good Lord, it's so fucking stupid.

It started with (y/n) telling Bakugou about how she's finally found a dream, something to chase, because she's spent most of her life without having decided what to do for herself or wanting anything in her life. That dream involved her going to a school, outside the country, and that turned into a tiny misunderstanding, which blossomed into something else, followed something else after that, and then both Bakugou and Y/N were yelling at each other and calling each other names and it was all a horrible sight to see. Both of them have no idea what brought it on to this extent. All they're certain of is that they're pissed at each other and have, apparently, been pissed at each other for a long ass time.

Bakugou grinned. A grin that she loathed, because Bakugou’s grins are usually with mischief, with playfulness. Not this malice. He outstretched his arm on either sides of him, like he’s showing something off. “Well, I don’t see anyone proving me otherwise.”

She huffed, glaring right back at him. “What the hell is your problem?”

“What’s my problem?! What the hell is your problem?!” Bakugou yelled back at her, not even bothering to try to keep from shouting. He pointed out the door, “You were fucking flirting with that two-faced asshole right in front of me! You're the problem!”

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?! That was months ago, you've had that stupid excuse of a grudge on me ever since, huh?!" (y/n)'s eyes narrowed and crinkled – not in a way that Bakugou's used to seeing. "I haven't done anything wrong! All I've done is fucking been there for your stupid ambition to be the number one hero-

"Stupid? Stupid?!" Bakugou repeated incredulously, eyes widening as he quivered with anger. "I'd watch my words if I were you. This is my fucking life goal and something I want for myself that you're calling stupid."

(y/n) was nearly suffocating on her fury, her laugh void of any happiness leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. "I am aware of what I'm spewing out. Your fucking dream was delusional and far fetched but I supported it, didn't I?! I watched every single match, patched up your hands when they bled from all that training, made you delicious bentos to fuel you up for the day – "   

"– And now you say it was all stupid," Bakugou laughed mirthlessly, glaring at her so hard that (y/n)'s knees start to tremble. "How romantic can this get?" He raised his voice, arms stretching out before clapping obnoxiously loud, "I hope shitting on your boyfriend's dream has given you some sort of satisfaction."   

"And you've got some nerve to pull all of this shit with me about suddenly wanting something for myself because I've met someone else and that I'm cheating on you," (y/n)'s lips tremble, her voice practically shaking with anger as she spoke, a finger going to point accusingly at him, "You're not my boyfriend. You're just one big hypocrite!"

"You fucking are, though!" His voice was laced with venom as he practically spat the words in the woman's face. "You're definitely planning to elope with some hunk city boy! I'm not fucking good enough for you, huh?!"   

And that’s— that’s the final straw. 

Relationships are about trust, and Bakugou obviously didn't fucking trust her. If he wasn't so much of a prick in how he reacted to her telling him her future plans then they'd probably be cuddled against each other, asleep, and Bakugou would be the first to start apartment hunting for her — for them, because he'd even move with her, since he knows he couldn't properly function without her.  

But before she even opened her mouth to inform him that she's done with this toxic relationship, he beat her to it, “Good thing I never fell in love with you, then.”

(y/n)’s face changed from cocky to puzzled then to heartbroken. As his words made her world crumble, Bakugou took pride in the sight of the bewildered woman before him, not planning to take his words back anytime soon since he saw this argument as a game of who can devastate the other first. And the prize was looking back on this fight one day and thinking, wow, I won that. It didn't matter what had been said and done in his book.

But (y/n) and Bakugou are two sides of the same coin; she simply wanted to have her point reach his end, so that they can both agree to put this aside and go back to their normal, non-fling-type couple selves.

“So all of this,” She motioned between them, interrupting his train of thought “meant nothing to you? You never even loved me?” She asked with what seemed to be a mixture of hurt and sadness but mainly anger. Before he could even blink, she was over hitting him on the chest with her tightly clenched fists, trying to let out her pain, “I hate you, you're the worst! You told me numerous times you loved me- that you’d never even make me feel like shit! What’s changed, Bakugou? Why can’t you love me anymore?” Her voice cracked, nonetheless she was smoldered with rage.

"Are you deaf? I said I never did. I was lying the whole time, whenever I told you that— that I did."

Bakugou took every hit she was giving him because he stood firmly on his feet, unnecessarily adding fuel to the fire, as if (y/n)'s miserable state wasn't enough to satisfy him — to drop his guard and tell her he wanted to take it back. That he wanted to say I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry, I love you, I didn’t mean to say that— but then (y/n)’s letting out a laugh that sounds so bitter, it made Bakugou flinch.

“Fine,” she breathed out, then she’s scoffing out another harsh laugh. “Then— we’re done. Wouldn’t want you to waste your time and effort in a relationship that you never thought was worth it. I don’t want to waste my time and energy being with someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same kind of love towards me.”

And she turned on her heel, ready to head straight out the door, purposefully ignoring the faint, “Wait, (y/n)—” from behind. Her opposite hand subconsciously grazed the promise ring she shared with Bakugou, and she realises something.

At one swift movement, she pulled at the said ring and threw it at him with more force than necessary. 

“What a fucking nonsense 'promise' that was,” She said out loud, and it rang through Bakugou’s ears, because he made a pathetic whining sound that's never been heard before, because this moment couldn't have a bigger emotional toll on him than anything else.

"Y/N, hear me out," he sniffled. "I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean an ounce of what I said. I know you're not cheating on me, baby, I'm sure of that. I was being a dickhead for that and I'm so fucking sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry. I love you, Y/N. God. I need you so much, and I was lying when I said I never did. When you're not with me, I'm not... me. And I just," he sighed, pulling the ends of his hair aggressively. "I'm sorry, I really am."

Y/N’s got a hand on the door handle, but there were fingers slowly wrapping around her other wrist. She yanked her wrist out of his hold like his touch burned, causing Bakugou's lips to shake. It's hitting him now, the fact that he's losing the girl he courted and spent so much time with. The girl who kept him wide awake at night because of how much she clouded his mind. Not to mention, the ring which symbolizes their commitment to each other, is being thrown away like it's nothing.

(y/n) peeked at him through her eyelashes, "Give me a break. I obviously don't have a place in your heart, you've made that painfully clear to me. So do me a favor and fuck off."

He very nearly heaved with his next breath. He held a hand up, ring between his pointer finger and thumb. “I meant it when I said I wanted to get serious with this relationship. I still do, and that'll never change. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, that you should be with someone— someone better in every fucking way possible, I want to be the one to marry you. That wasn’t a false promise. That was— that is the promise that I swear to God I’ll be keeping until my last breath.”

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Rosemary’s Baby

Sometimes you’ve just gotta admit that you’re the asshole.

Such is the case with me in regards to this movie. I do not care for Rosemary’s Baby, convicted rapist and occasional filmmaker Roman Polanski’s most famous and beloved film aside from Chinatown. But the interesting thing here is that I really don’t have anything bad I can say about the movie. From nearly every angle, this movie is damn near perfect, a truly harrowing horror masterpiece. And yet, despite all that, I just feel extremely uncomfortable with this movie for reasons obvious and not so obvious, to the point where I’ve stated I dislike it in the past. And, yeah, I’ll admit that I’m kind of an asshole here.

But now I’m going to tell you why I don’t like it in detail. But first, I’m going to spend a few paragraphs explaining why this film I dislike is a masterpiece.

Quite frankly, the atmosphere of this film is impeccable. The movie is a slow build, with the viewer feeling every ounce of tension alongside Rosemary as she suffers gaslighting from a coven of witches. Hell, this is basically Gaslighting: The Movie, and it makes for a truly harrowing experience as you watch this poor, pregnant woman desperately seeking any sort of help from her husband, neighbors, and authority figures around her only to be told she’s just overreacting or crazy. It’s a very real sort of horror, and is played up much more than the fantastical elements.

In fact, the entire movie utilizes a grounded approach. The villains, despite being a cult of witches, are just a bunch of obnoxious, nosy old people who don’t do anything overtly sinister. They really just come off as weird neighbors with no sense of personal space. The husband, too, isn’t some stereotypical card-carrying villain for the most part. Yes, he sold his wife to Satan and then covers for Old Scratch and says he raped her in her sleep, but aside from those blatantly evil things he’s not very in-your-face about what a colossal gaping asshole he is. He doesn’t walk around cackling about his evil plan, he just kind of acts like a normal husband and brushes off all his wife’s concerns. What a prick, really.

Of course, the best part of the film is the titular Rosemary, played by Mia Farrow. I love Mia Farrow; she’s my favorite unicorn in cinematic history, and while she does have a very skewed idea of what the ugliest moment in Oscar history is (apparently it is Will Smith slapping a bad comedian and not the numerous times her pedo ex-husband Woody Allen won), she seems to be a very lovely woman on top of an excellent actress. She truly kills it here, and it’s easy to see why this was what really put her on the map. She truly, utterly convinces you she is a terrified, helpless woman slowly unraveling as she tries to navigate her pregnancy while desperately seeking some kind of comfort due to all the oddities going on around her. The performance is nothing short of phenomenal.

So I have literally nothing but nice things to say about this movie. Why, then, do I claim to not like it? Well… Look, I can’t blame the movie since it’s an adaptation of the book, but you’ve gotta admit that it’s pretty fucking sus Hollywod’s most famous rapist this side of Harvey Weinstein decided to adapt a story of a young woman being preyed upon and raped so that a man could further his own career. Polanski has a habit of slipping sexual assault and the suffering of women not his movies, and it sadly sort of leads to this movie being undermined by reality, at least for me.

And on a less dark and miserable note, there’s just the fact I’m not huge on movies where an innocent character just suffers and suffers only to be kicked while they’re down in the end. The book at least gives Rosemary some small victory, but here? It’s ambiguous, but things certainly aren’t looking cheerful. Like I said above, I love Mia Farrow, and I really don’t like sitting through an entire film watching her get gaslit, raped, abused, bullied, and in general just treated like garbage only for her to give birth to Satan’s baby in the end and get no sense of victory or closure. It’s so dark and miserable, with no catharsis whatsoever. And it’s not like I’m totally averse to dark movies, or horror films with downer endings! The Lighthouse is easily one of my favorite films of all time, and no one comes out of that any happier than before. But here it just feels too dour, for me.

So yeah, Rosemary’s Baby is a fantastic film, a masterpiece of horror, a work of cinematic genius… And I’ve watched it twice and just haven’t liked it either time. Maybe it’s the moral grounds, maybe it’s because I don’t like watching Farrow suffer, but it’s just hard for me to stomach. Maybe I just need to watch it a third time, who knows. If you don’t have any moral objections to watching a Polanski film (and honestly, you shouldn’t, because it’s unfair to discredit the hard work of the rest of the cast just because the director is a fucking scumbag), I definitely think this film is a classic and deserves a watch. You’ll probably like it way more than I do. I get that this is mostly my personal tastes holding me back from loving this, but at least I can acknowledge it’s an objectively great film. It’s just not totally my cup of tea.

[akitokihojo]

Monster - Chapter 12

chapter index

damn near almost forgot it was Friday... anyway, this one's a little shorter, but necessarily so. I hope you enjoy it, nevertheless! <3

----------

Kagome was in a grouchy mood from the rude awakening she’d received early that morning. She wasn’t outwardly expressing herself, but it was a little too difficult to wipe it clean from her face. And, Shinosuke was too amused by it.

It was a young lady who’d woken she and Inuyasha up, and immediately Kagome knew she was there to change Inuyasha’s bandages. When Kagome had first arrived the night before, a small stain was noticeable, but as she sat up from Inuyasha’s side, the front of his bandages were completely soddened with his blood. He was weak and fatigued, eyes opened from his own awakening but irises dull, and didn’t even have enough energy to really grasp her hand anymore. His breathing was shallow, but he tried to narrow a brave look at her. Still, she froze with fear.

The woman, Wakana, wouldn’t allow Kagome to help and insisted she leave. Though Kagome persistently objected, demanding she needed to stay by his side, again she was torn away by the strong arms of Shinosuke.

“He was okay last night!” She frantically cried as he let her go just outside of Inuyasha’s room.

“And, he’s okay now. I swear. This is normal with blood loss, but he’s part demon. He’s going to be fine.”

“No, but -“

“Kagome, I promise! He’s just fucking exhausted from healing, and the medication from last night has most likely worn off. I’ve seen this on numerous occasions. And, you want to be with him twenty-four-seven, I get it. You want to personally witness his progress, but you can’t. It’s not good for you. Wakana’s right, you shouldn’t see him like this right now. You both need a little space from each other.”

“No, that doesn’t make sense. He would never leave my side if I was hurt like that, and I don’t want to leave his.” Kagome argued, bleary eyed.

“Don’t you get it? If you’re in there, he’s going to be focused on your well-being the entire time. He wont want to rest because he’s going to want to make sure you’re calm. I already saw him trying; I was right there. And, you? You’re going to see the most traumatizing wound you’ve probably ever laid eyes on. Trust me, something like that doesn’t just leave your memory. Especially, when it’s happened to someone significant to you. It’s going to scar you, and each time you look at Inuyasha thereafter, you’ll either see the infliction or you’ll be absolutely terrified it’ll happen again, so you’ll overcompensate to prevent it. You both need to be apart. You got pretty banged up yesterday, too. When was the last time you just focused on yourself?” That last question came off playfully sarcastic, but Kagome couldn’t perceive anything but literalism at the moment.

“I don’t know, like thirteen years ago.” She responded blandly. “I have a little brother.”

“Oh my god.” He deadpanned, blinking. “You need to eat something.”

“No, but -“

“Kagome, come on.” Shinosuke placed his hand in the middle of her back to guide her. “I promise, he’ll be fine. You, on the other hand, need some food.”

“I don’t want food.”

“You’re eating food.”

And, so here she was, porridge and fruit placed on a tray before her as she sat on a rather large bed in a rather large room she hadn’t been in before. Kagome nibbled on a strawberry, feeling the grumpy pout written all over her face, her stomach in shambles, and Shinosuke snickering at her from a chair by the door.

“Are you going to watch me all freaking day?”

“That’s literally my job. So, yes.”

“Go away.” Kagome grumbled, half a strawberry in her mouth.

“No.” He smiled.

The door opened slowly, cautiously, Wakana walking in with a soft smile on her face. She pulled her long, brown hair from the low ponytail it’d been in, allowing the straight, flowing strands to hang freely now around her shoulders. Immediately, Shinosuke respectfully stood, giving a light bow of his head when their eyes met.

“He’s perfectly fine.” She assured Kagome, approaching closer. “The hole’s actually a bit smaller already. I was surprised to see such quick improvement. The wound is lathered in some herbs, he’s wrapped up nice and tight, and I had him sip on an herbal remedy to help alleviate some pain.”

“Can I see him?” Kagome softly asked, lowering the strawberry from her pink-stained lips.

“He’s asleep.” Wakana grimaced slightly.

“Can I - can I see him, anyway?”

“No.” Shinosuke chimed, robbing a grape from her fruit bowl.

Kagome scowled at the audacious guard, flickering her attention back at Wakana. “Why is he like this? I don’t think I like him.”

“I don’t think I do either.” She sighed, elbowing him in the side. “Sorry. I know he’s a pain in the ass, but he’s the head of our guards, and papa was right to have him watch over you. Though, your friend doesn’t appear to care as much as we’d thought he would. He can’t even move and he seems to think he can do better.”

“Oh, you told him?” Kagome asked, wondering when the topic could have come up. Though, she couldn’t deny that the response sounded very organic to Inuyasha’s nature. Processing everything else she’d said, her head cocked to the side in a quick subject change. “Wait, papa?”

Wakana gave a small laugh, smacking Shinosuke’s hand as he reached for another piece of fruit. “It’s like clockwork. I walk in, Inuyasha asks for you. We’ve told him multiple times that you’re being protected, but much like you, he wants to be by your side. And, yes. I’m the headman’s daughter. I asked Shinosuke to bring you to my room. Figured it would be more comfortable for you. I also have some clothes that should fit you.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” Kagome kindly declined, handing Shinosuke the fork she hadn’t been using with a slice of honeydew on the end. She wasn’t a huge fan of that fruit, so he could eat all of those pieces for all she cared. “What happened to my clothes from yesterday?”

Wakana arched a spekulative brow. “Ruined?”

“What do you mean, ruined?”

“You didn’t actually expect that blood to come out, did you?” Shinosuke asked after swallowing his fruit.

“Oh, shit.” Kagome hissed. “I forgot! Crap, that was my last shirt.”

“I might be able to save the bodice, though.” Wakana mentioned, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Kagome’s eyes widened, a small pout returning to her face. “My bodice? What happened to my bodice?”

“The seams split. And - um - so did the back.”

It really shouldn’t have come as a surprise. After rolling around in the dirt to fight a demon, what else could she have expected?

“R-I-P.” Shinosuke satirically said, snagging another honeydew. Kagome pinned him with a threatening glare, one he finally heeded as he recoiled drastically, crossing back over to his chair by the door.

“I’ve got plenty of dresses, love!” Wakana said, trying to lift her spirits. “You’re more than welcome to any!”

“I appreciate that, but what’ll I do when I leave here?”

“Take them with you!”

“No, I couldn’t.” Kagome shook her head. “That’s so sweet of you, but I really couldn’t.”

“I insist.”

“No, honestly. I can’t fight in a dress.”

“Neither can I.” Shinosuke commented, his mouth full.

“Oh my god, get out.” Wakana groaned, rolling her eyes as she scowled at Shinosuke.

“Can’t.” He grinned, pointing to Kagome. “Scout’s honor.”

“Then, quiet.”

“That, I can do.” He agreed, sealing his lips.

“Okay, here’s the thing: The women around here don’t really wear bodices anymore; everything’s sort of built into our dresses, and it’s rare to see a woman in pants around these parts -“

“Barbarians.”

Both women glared at Shinosuke, and abruptly, with a tension of fear, he stood from his seat, opening the door and dragging the chair out with him.

“Anyway,” Wakana groaned, redirecting her gaze back to Kagome now that they were alone. “As I was saying, I can probably make you another, and if not, I can consult the seamstress at the edge of town. Let me brainstorm a little on this, is that okay?”

“I don’t want to be any trouble for you. It’s not a problem. I can -“

“No, don’t worry. I love doing this. It’s the little things in life, right? It’s no trouble at all, and after what you two did for all of us yesterday, it’s a pleasure.”

“Oh. Well, alright. Thank you.” Kagome reluctantly agreed.

“For the meantime, let me replace your bandages and get you out of your pajamas.”

Kagome flexed her hand in their new wrappings, her split knuckle coated in a thick ointment beneath and tingling from the remedy’s properties. The scrape on her head had a light layer smeared on, the bandage poking from her bangs and covering the entire area to keep the ointment in.

She could see the enthusiasm on Wakana’s face as she pulled out a few dresses from the back of her wardrobe. She’d explained that she’d made them herself, but there was something else there. A joy that told Kagome she hadn’t been able to pull them out in a while.

“I’d put my hobbies aside for the past couple of years. Who was I to have lavish taste and ease my worries with distractions such as sewing while my people were in a depression, constantly afraid of the henchmen’s next visit? Not to mention, the healthier you looked - and I mean that in all regards - the worse treatment you’d receive. It was best not to attract more attention, you know? I didn’t want them increasing their inspections. Not when there was -“ She stopped herself, glancing over at Kagome. “Not when I had people to protect. Their fear is our fear. So is their pain. And, sadness. My papa, he does his best for his people, and he stands right with them no matter what.

“Once Moryomaru starting coming around, that was when we all stowed away our irreplaceable belongings. My mother’s ashes, a few knickknacks from ancestors, and things of the likes from the village people were stored here below ground. In fact, they’re being brought up to return to their homes as we speak.” Her happiness was indescribable. It was like Kagome could physically see the weight had lifted off of her shoulders.

“But, wait.” She couldn’t help but ask. “Are you positive we got them all?”

“Actually, yes. I wasn’t there to see it happen, unfortunately. I was here in the courtyard with the women that live in this home. With Shinosuke and the guards. Moryomaru was in the midsts of taunting us when they left for whatever was going on, and I remember being so confused in that moment. But, papa told me everything. Inuyasha singlehandedly took all of the henchmen on. More importantly, you two killed Moryomaru. You killed the henchmen’s commander. Their leader. I’m not sure if that’s the end of all inspections, but the henchmen are like chickens running around without a head without someone to tell them what to do. And, I may have never met Naraku, but I certainly figure he finds himself too superior to ever sully his hands by speaking with low lives such as them. I’m sure inspections are about to slow substantially from this point forward. I can feel it.”

“Okay, hold on.” Kagome spoke, leaning on the frame of the bed as she digested that information, brown eyes unfocused on the carpet. “Moryomaru. That’s that thing’s name? That creature?”

“Yes.” Wakana confirmed.

“They were - they were the commander? Of all the henchmen? They were the one who called all the shots?”

“Ultimately, yes. Moryomaru liked to boast about their leadership, that was for sure, and while they had a chain of command it seemed - with a leader of each platoon - Moryomaru was the top. Forgive me, but did you not know that?”

“No.” Kagome admitted, glancing up at the headman’s daughter.

“Oh.” Her brows furrowed in contemplation. “This may sound presumptuous, but you guys came in so ready to fight, we’d sort of figured you were hunting Moryomaru.”

“Not at all. Before yesterday, we’d never seen Moryomaru. At least, I hadn’t. Not sure about Inuyasha, but he’d never mentioned them before. We were in the area when we sensed the demons, and then we heard some screaming so -“

“So, you came to help…” Wakana finished, astonished.

“Yeah.” Kagome nodded.

“You came to help even though you’re a conjurer…”

“Well, Inuyasha did. I can’t take much credit there; he’d made me agree to stay behind so they wouldn’t know about me.”

“Even so, he ran in even though he’s a hanyou. I can’t believe… You guys - you still ended up fighting too, you cant tell me you got these wounds from hiding, and I - you two are - I can’t believe -“ Wakana couldn’t finish her sentence. She’d been incredibly grateful to these two from the moment her father had brought them back to their home, and she thought incredibly highly of them from the instant she understood the incident. But, to learn the circumstance a little better, to comprehend that there was plenty on the line for them too, but they still contributed their strengths to save them, and ultimately so many more, Wakana was awestruck. Heedlessly, she stepped forward, wrapped her arms around Kagome’s shoulders to hug her tight.

Kagome had tensed at first, but recovered quickly, returning the gesture. At first, her touch was light, cautious, but as Wakana leaned further into her, Kagome firmed her hold on the woman.

“Are you okay?” Kagome asked, slightly confused.

“I’m just so thankful to you two.” She leaned back to say, smiling. “To know it was your decision to help and not a job makes it even more meaningful. I can see it’s kind of hard to wrap your head around, but you haven’t just saved my village and people. You’ve saved so many others, as well.”

“But, their leaders… the second in commands, I suppose -“

“Chickens without a head, girl. Chickens without a head.”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t help but fear that you’re wrong.”

“I understand. I don’t think I’ve seen nearly as much of the world and its cruelty as you and Inuyasha have.” Wakana rubbed Kagome’s arm consolingly. There was a chance that she was wrong. Nothing in this world was certain, especially now, and if Naraku created Moryomaru for this purpose, he could absolutely create another monster to take their place. But, from what Shinosuke had experienced, what he and his father had come back to inform her father of, she wanted to believe that this was the first step in overcoming the evil that clouded their lives. So, maybe hearing it from their guard would help alleviate the worry in Kagome’s frown.

“Shinosuke, come here please!” She shouted over her shoulder.

“Ma’am?” The tall man poked his head in through the large doors a short second later, his brows raised in question.

“In.”

“Ma’am.” He complied, taking the order and shutting the door right behind him.

“Tell Kagome what you know about Moryomaru, please. No jokes. Give her what you’ve learned.”

Shinosuke gave a single nod of his head, regarding the conjurer with his charcoal eyes. “They’re a creation of Naraku, derived from his own vessel. They took leadership of the inspectors, having nearly a thousand men at their beck and call at one point. They’d admitted that as their numbers began suddenly depleting drastically, that was when they’d decided to come forward and monitor more inspections to see where the disruption was coming from. It was more to show that if villagers were beginning an uprising, they were there to scare them back in line.”

“And, Moryomaru’s chain of command?” Wakana requested.

“Useless without Moryomaru. They were too involved, had a need for control, so none of their ‘officers’, so to speak, were allowed to make calls without their issuance. Therefore, without him, the chain breaks.”

“How do you know all this?” Kagome’s question came out quietly, taken aback.

A small grimace appeared on Shinosuke’s face and Wakana’s gaze fell downward. There wasn’t much delay before the guard looked to the woman at Kagome’s side and asked, “May I?”

“Of course.” She nodded.

Shinosuke lifted his shirt high enough to show the abnormally large scar stretching over the outer portion of his ribcage. “A few of us guards were abducted by that fucker a few months ago; myself, my father, and Nobunaga. Said we got too bold in thinking we could protect anybody so they wanted to put us in our place - which would serve as a warning to our other guards.”

Kagome’s jaw had dropped slightly, her eyes widening at the deformed scar. Her breath locked in her lungs from her gasp and it was almost like she couldn’t look away from the sealed wound. She couldn’t believe what she was looking at. It should have been fathomable, given everything she’d witnessed over the years, but she couldn’t believe she was in the presence of someone who’d survived evident torture.

“They were in custody for five weeks.” Wakana added solemnly as Shinosuke lowered his clothing. “We didn’t know if they’d return. But, Shinosuke, being Shinosuke, used the opportunity to memorize everything he’d seen while with them.”

“If I lived, I was going to make sure I told everyone who needed to know everything I saw and heard. Tell me, conjurer. Are you someone who needs to know, or who’s just too curious for their own good?”

Kagome couldn’t fight her hesitation. Her fingers curled into apprehensive fists as her nerves gave a small wring of her stomach. No one knew of their quest. No one knew their true objective, Koga being the one exception on Inuyasha’s side. But, even after finding out Koga was part of the war, she still decided not to disclose her purpose. Koga didn’t know what she was, though. That was a huge part of her reason against telling him. There was something different about the circumstances at play here. She’d swooped in with her arrow, and with Inuyasha’s blast from his sword, they’d synchronously created an insanely powerful attack. They’d unknowingly destroyed a war machine. They’d unknowingly annihilated a part of Naraku. The people here knew what she was whether she confirmed or denied, and they were allies. Why hide anymore?

“Inuyasha and I, our mission is to kill Naraku. We want to find a way to end the darkness we’re living in.” She said, leveling her chin confidently.

“That’s what you’re working toward?” He asked, and it wasn’t a test. There was the hint of concern on his brow.

“Everyday.”

“Well, fuck.” Shinosuke sighed. “Sounds legitimate enough to me.”

He walked closer so his voice wouldn’t carry, stopping just a few feet away from the women. Kagome had stiffened slightly, and he knew exactly why. She was afraid. It was a learned reaction. Right now, she was vulnerable, and as far as she was concerned, alone. No matter how many times she was promised safety, assured coalition, it wasn’t always possible to turn off that part of your brain that braced you for the worst. Because, you were trained to expect it after so long. Especially, being someone in her position.

So, as he stopped, he made sure to slowly outstretch his hand. He held it out for her to take, patiently allowing her to register that he meant no harm - only respect. As Kagome slipped her small palm within his hold, he wrapped his fingers firmly around it, carefully stepping inward, bending forward, and whispering in her ear.

“Naraku has five creations. Excluding Moryomaru, I encountered two. They were named Hakudoshi and Kagura.”

—

There was a small abatement from the storm. It was a little humid outside, but Kagome just wanted to be absorbed in the scent of rain. Finally accepting that while she was staying at the village’s headman’s home Shinosuke was an accessory to her person, she decided to drag him outside to take a walk with her.

Wakana had been so patient and kind, so Kagome had allowed her to have some fun and dress her the way she so pleased. Having to put it away for quite some time, Kagome could see the freedom on her pink cheeks as she finally got to dive into her creativity again. It made Wakana happy, and after so much tentative care to both she and Inuyasha, Kagome was glad to be the first she expressed her art on again.

Unfortunately, it was a little obvious she hadn’t worn a dress in well over a decade. Let alone, had never once in her life worn a dress quite this nice. Shinosuke had called her out for her incessant fidgeting three times and kept snickering at her whenever she readjusted the cut around her breasts. It was a little lower than anything she was used to, and the low dip had her feeling extremely exposed. She wasn’t. Each time she instinctually went to put her breasts away she had to keep reminding herself that they were exactly where they were meant to be, but it was just weird to feel so much of a breeze.

The sleeves were off the shoulder, fastened to her upper arms by a material that clung. The rest of the sleeves were long and flowy, cut in the middle for her arms to slip out of had she reached for something. Never in her life had Kagome worn such a pretty shade of pastel pink, nor had she experienced little, blush roses made of silk fastened to her bust, nor had she had the opportunity to feel ribbons made of the same, tied in a bow at the center of her sternum. Tiny leaves were sewn into the fabric just beneath her breasts, cinching the dress to her ribs, and the same was said for her waistline, holding the gown to her as the rest of the length of the skirt was free to flow around her entire lower body.

Kagome’s hair was brushed, waving naturally, but tied half up in a twisted bun that was held in place by pins unseen. Her bangs were in tidy order for the first time in weeks, and Wakana was meticulous to pull the strands that framed her jawline free from the bun. She’d asked to put a subtle hint of glitter on Kagome’s cheeks, and considering it was a huge day of firsts for her, Kagome could only bring herself to shrug in a huge, why the hell not?

Truthfully, the doting makeover was fun for Kagome, too. While she felt more comfortable in pants and a shirt, it was only because it was what she was used to, and functionality called for it. She actually really loved dresses. The look of them, at least. With it being years since she’d even considered wearing one, she wondered so often if she could even pull them off. And, when she finally got a look at herself in the mirror once Wakana had finished, pride gleaming in the woman’s eyes, Kagome couldn’t help but grow incredibly shy. She loved the way it looked on her, but it was so different.

“Tell me you’re not girly without telling me you’re not girly.” Shinosuke jabbed, chuckling at her side as they strolled around the outer pathway of the mansion.

“Hush.” Kagome sighed. “I think I was eight the last time I wore a dress.”

“They’re not going anywhere.” He remarked, regarding the way she kept fixing the bust of her dress. “Believe me, there are women in town with bigger breasts than you that do manual labor in dresses made of thinner material, and they’ll proudly tell you that their tits stay in place.”

Another sigh as she dropped her hands to her side. “I’m just not used to it.”

“I thought you liked it.”

“No, I do. It’s pretty.” Kagome assured, looking up at him and nodding. “I’m just - I mean, like I said, I’m - I’m not used to it.”

“Ah, I get it.” Shinosuke smirked, looking ahead of them. “You’re self conscious.”

She didn’t say anything. She merely looked at the thriving plants to her right, minding how the petals of flowers were still dotted with droplets of rain. The sky was still blanketed in dark clouds, conveying that the storm had yet to fully pass, and the air was thick with the comforting smell of moisture.

“May I compliment you?” He respectfully asked.

Kagome glanced up at him again, curious. “Not if you feel obligated.”

“I just want to make sure I won’t make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh. I appreciate that.” She really did. She understood that he was simply trying to make her feel more secure with his honest thoughts while not trying to offset her by making it seem he was overstepping any boundaries. Not many men had that courtesy. “Sure.”

Shinosuke stopped, turning to the woman at his side. It was interesting to him to see such a strong female who’d participated in taking down a plague to their society seem so small and timid in such a superficial environment. Maybe she was the sort who didn’t realize her beauty. Maybe she was the sort that didn’t really focus on that sort of thing, and this element - delicate femininity - was abnormal to her. Given such, it was irrelevant. Anyone with eyes could see that even when she ran into the courtyard yesterday along her battered companion, covered in scratches, dirt, blood, and fear she was inherently beautiful. Now, cleaned, bandaged, still slightly guarded but overall level, Kagome was enchanting. And, he could easily tell that that was what Wakana was trying to enhance.

It wasn’t that she was merely letting loose and having fun. Wakana was specific to adhere to the minds of others, as well as their hearts. She’d wanted to distract Kagome from her partner’s condition. She’d wanted to make her feel a little better about herself while she knew things, in general, felt off to not have Inuyasha beside her. Sometimes, it was the little things that brought a smile to appear. A genuine smile.

Kagome was brave, fierce, and selfless. That, alone, was gorgeous. And, Wakana was trying to bring that inward appearance outward so Kagome could see the exact way she was looking at her.

Shinosuke took a moment. He noticed the small hint of pink on her cheeks, the way she’d nervously been pinching her lips together since the moment they’d stepped outside - which had inadvertently created a nice, rosy hue, the way her hair was waving just a little bit more than before due to the slight humidity. He smiled softly, tilting his head to the side.

“I think you’re beautiful. I think you worry too much, and that if you just stood up a little straighter, held your head up a little higher, and allowed yourself to step out of your comfort zone, you’d own your radiance. I think you could stop men in their tracks, and I think it’d be cute to see how confused you are when it happens, because you seem just air-headed enough not to understand what sort of affect you have on people. Even looking as worn out as you did yesterday, you were pretty. Right now, you’re - Kagome, you’re beautiful.”

He’d said it directly, compassionately, kindly. It wasn’t from a place that would make her stiffen with shyness, but a place that made her smile from genuine benevolence.

“Thank you.” She said. “You’re pretty, too.”

Shinosuke laughed, patting Kagome’s head and redirecting her to walk along the path through the courtyard.

At the very edge, before the entrance from town and just before Shinosuke turned her around, a little girl with her brother ran up, hand-in-hand. A soft rumble of thunder struck in the distance, and the smell of rain had become just a little heavier in the passing minutes. Yet, the children seemed untroubled by the threat, staring wide-eyed at Kagome.

“Mayu, no. Go home.” Shinosuke quickly said as she opened her mouth. “Not right now.”

“But -“ The little girl quickly went to argue, but her brother was already trying to tug her away. He seemed unwelcoming, protective, and the one that liked to steer a little more on the careful side.

“Has anything I’ve ever said been negotiable?” Shinosuke asked in a firm tone.

“No, but -“

“Then, go home. Your mother probably doesn’t even know you’re out here, am I right?”

“Yes.” Satoru claimed with contempt. “Mayu didn’t want to listen to me and decided to sneak out while mom was napping. So, I came with her. Sorry, Shinosuke. We’re leaving.”

“No, I need to talk to her.” Mayu tried again a little louder, stomping her foot for added effect.

“Not right now, you don’t. Satoru, is your mother unwell again?”

“Yes. Unfortunately.” The identical boy answered.

“Mayu, come on.” Shinosuke bargained, kneeling down before the two children. “Please, don’t stress her out further right now. Wait for the storm to pass, at least. You know how much your mom worries about you. You need to give people time to adjust and recover. You aren’t the only person to consider here.”

Kagome could see the little girl fighting herself. Her dark eyes bounced from Shinosuke to her and then back to the guard, nostrils flaring at her frustrated huff.

“Be patient. Now’s not the time to be selfish. Go home.”

“Fine.” She grumbled, and then darted a glare toward Kagome, catching her completely off guard. “But, I’ll be back!”

Shinosuke stood, returning to Kagome’s side as the two children ran off down the street, taking an alley corner.

“Why - why did I feel like that was a threat?” Kagome warily asked.

“Eh, she’s harmless. Mayu’s rough around the edges, for sure, but she’s a good kid. Satoru’s the one you should watch. He used to be this timid boy a couple of years ago, barely spoke, hid behind his twin sister, the works, but then one day he just switched. Mayu comes off tough, but her brother’s the one that’ll actually scare you. Believe me.” He said, placing his hand at her mid back to turn her around to head back through the courtyard garden.

“Well, what was it she wanted to talk to me about? It seemed urgent.”

“It’s not. She’s just pushy. I can guarantee she’ll be back, hopefully at a more appropriate time, and she’ll be able to bug you then. If you’re okay with that, of course. If not, tell me now. I’ll be able to keep her at bay.”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay with that?”

“Because, you’re a conjurer. And, she’s going to bring that up.”

“Ah, that’s right. She asked me yesterday, but the headman stopped her.”

“I know it’s a touchy subject. She’s going to be a ten year old, and she’s not going to understand boundaries.”

Kagome pressed her lips together again, grazing her fingers over the large leaves that waited for their next dosage of moisture as they strolled along.

“Thing about her is, she keeps secrets better than any adult I’ve ever met. So, if you’d like to see what she has to ask you but you’re worried about you’re answers getting out, don’t be. Mayu would take it to the grave. And, Satoru - because they come in a pair - barely speaks to begin with, and his loyalty lies with his twin. If she’s keeping a secret, so is he.” Shinosuke added, carefully maneuvering Kagome around a puddle.

“It’s alright.” She spoke softly, smiling. “I don’t mind. I’ll talk with her next -“

“There you are!” Wakana cheerfully greeted from over the second story bannister, overlooking the courtyard. “I’ve been looking for you two.”

“What’s up?” Shinosuke asked.

“Inuyasha’s awake. Kagome, would you like to see him?”

Kagome’s heart gave a heavy thump in her chest, and her skin ignited in an excited eruption of warmth. With an anxious breath, she nodded eagerly, rushing the rest of the way toward the main house where Wakana agreed to meet them on the first floor.

“Here’s the thing: he’s a little grumpy at the moment. Not very talkative, speaks with more grunts than words, seems perpetually upset but won’t admit he’s in any pain when we ask…” Wakana mentioned as she guided them through the corridors.

“That’s actually normal.” Kagome replied, pursing her lips.

“Is it?”

“Oh, yeah.” She remarked, nodding. “Inuyasha’s not known for his compassion, I’ll tell you that. He likes to handle things on his own, so I’d say, if he’s not wincing or yelling at you, he’s fine.”

“Oh, okay. Well, in that case, he’s pretty lively. He’s sitting up with minimal problem, but he’s been asking for you. I told him to eat and we’d go and find you after, but he refused. Said he didn’t want food. Or medicine. He really should have something in his stomach before his next dose - given he stops declining it. Maybe you could convince him to try and eat?” Wakana inquired, turning to look at Kagome while they walked as she was a few steps behind.

“He doesn’t listen to me.” Kagome objected with a modest shake of her head.

Both Wakana and Shinosuke shot surprised looks at her, and Kagome felt herself go on cautious alert, almost freezing.

“You’re kidding.”

“No?” She replied, confused. “Inuyasha never listens to me.” Kagome reiterated.

“I’m sorry, I sort of thought you two were on a… how do I put it? I sort of thought you two were on a level where you take each other’s advice.”

“Oh, Inuyasha’s stubbornness puts mine to shame. He doesn’t like to be told what to do. All it does is make him want to do the exact opposite. And, if I give him advice, he just thinks it’s nagging.”

“Wait, hold on, hold on. Pause.” Shinosuke said, stopping in the middle of the hall with a hand held out to halt her. Kagome’s wide eyes landed on him, lips parted in question. “What are you two?”

There was hesitation, dubiety, as Kagome did a gentle sway from side to side before finally speaking again. “What - uh - what do you mean?”

“Like, what are you and Inuyasha?”

Kagome glanced back and forth from Shinosuke to Wakana, noticing the same question was written all over Wakana’s face. “I - I don’t -“

“You know exactly what I’m asking.”

“I - uh - we are… friends.”

“Uh-huh, why did that sound like a question?” Shinosuke interrogated, crossing his arms over his chest while he arched a brow, smirking now.

“I-it wasn’t. It wasn’t.” She ended up saying with more confidence the second time. “We’re friends.”

“You’re friends?”

“We’re friends.” Kagome couldn’t help the nervous smile she’d cracked that time. She bit the inside of her lip, her swaying growing more obvious to speak of her discomfort and uncertainty. And, she cursed herself for that as she fiddled with the long sleeves of her borrowed dress.

“Are you sure?”

“We’re friends. We’re friends. We’re friends.” Kagome repeated awkwardly, nodding as she looked back and forth between the two. “We’re friends.”

“Say it one more time, you might just convince yourself.” Shinosuke remarked, chuckling.

“We’re -“ Kagome caught herself, pinching her lips together as she deflated slightly.

“I’m so sorry,” Wakana started, grimacing. “I thought you two might have been in a relationship. We all did.”

“Everyone thinks that?” Kagome apprehensively asked.

“Could you blame us?” Shinosuke spoke, amused. “I don’t know friends who sleep that close to each other. Not the way we found you two.”

“Well, maybe you should try it.” Kagome feigned attitude, pursing her lips. “It’s comforting.”

“Mhm, I know. I sleep like that with Wakana.” He sassed right back.

Kagome’s attention snapped Wakana’s way just in time to watch her roll her eyes.

“We’re engaged.” She said.

“Oh,” Kagome nodded. “Well, that makes sense.”

“Doesn’t it?” Shinosuke pressed, laughing as he caught Kagome in her own shock.

She’d opened her mouth to speak, to say anything in defense, but nothing came out. She was flustered and confused.

“It’s okay not to know.” He chuckled, patting her head again. “But, I gotta tell you, you’re not just friends.”

An overwhelming sense of bashfulness washed over Kagome then. Her face went hot and she ducked it. She couldn’t remember a time she’d blushed so horribly, and as she gazed down at the floor, she caught how red her chest even appeared at the bottom of her eyes. Her feelings were obvious. By now, she got that. Being called on it didn’t change how humiliating it was, and it only increased her confusion.

Shinosuke placed his hands on her shoulders, guiding her to walk down the hall while she couldn’t help but continue to hide her embarrassment. She and Inuyasha were friends. That wasn’t a lie. But, she couldn’t speak for his feelings. If anyone were to ask her how he felt about her, the only things she was certain about were his undeniable protectiveness, his caring nature whenever she wasn’t feeling well or they were alone, and that she annoyed the absolute hell out of him. If Shinosuke and Wakana were to have asked Kagome for her individual feelings for Inuyasha though, her answer would have been different. And, much more rattled. Because, she cared about Inuyasha now more than she cared even for herself. She appreciated the hanyou more than the water she drank or the food she ate. She had an attachment to him she never wanted to think about giving up. And, after witnessing his brutal injury yesterday, seeing blood stain his body, having to catch him as he fell, she dreadfully feared losing him in more ways than one. She felt it all so deeply. To the point where she couldn’t sleep last night unless she was touching him. To the point where he was on her mind constantly in their mandatory separation. To the point where the closer they got to his quarters, the more unnerved and stable she felt herself becoming - like a walking case of contradiction.

But, the moment the door was open, and Wakana walked in ahead of them to greet whatever staff was alongside the hanyou, and Shinosuke released her shoulders to enter in before him, and the moment her brown eyes found Inuyasha sitting on his futon, lower body covered by the blanket, back leaning against the wall, and torso heavily bandaged, all of those thoughts faded away. They were insignificant and superficial. They didn’t match up to the way he sat up a little taller at her appearance, bringing a small cringe of pain from his lips. They didn’t equate to the way she watched the breath leave his inflated chest, and how his golden eyes stayed on her as she hurried across the room to him. They didn’t matter in the face of how much she just needed to be right next to him at that very instant, and those thoughts that had her feeling scared had vanished completely. Maybe it was momentarily, but that was inconsequential. Because, she was just inches from his arm now, she could smell his clean scent, and she could feel the body heat that reached her like a hand that pulled her in.

Inuyasha had finally caught her scent again. It was something he hated about stormy weather. Rain clouded his olfactory system, and if something or someone wasn’t close by, he’d never be able to tell where they were. It was different to sleep without her aroma near him, and he was sure that if it weren’t for whatever drugs they kept putting in his body, he’d have never drifted off in the first place. The moment he regained consciousness not too long ago, noticing women by his side that weren’t Kagome, cleaning his wounds, changing his wrappings, he felt out of sorts. All he could think about was her, worry about was her. Who were these women? Where was Kagome? She’d been hurt the day before. Was she being taken care of? He vaguely remembered a woman telling him Kagome was being carefully protected for his own peace of mind the last time he was awake, but that was no fucking comfort whatsoever. He didn’t trust anyone with her, let alone someone he had never fucking met, himself.

The moment her calming scent, subtle and light, found its way into his sensitive nose, Inuyasha was on alert, watching the door to his room and ignoring the staff that had been left with him. They were trying to get him to take medicine, trying to get him to lay back down if he wasn’t going to eat so they could put a cooling rag on his head for his splitting migraine, but it was as if they weren’t even there anymore the second he sensed Kagome coming. Then, she entered, and even coherent thought ceased to exist.

That dress. That dress adorning her fair skin. It was both cruel to him and enticing. It complimented her figure, it flowed around her legs, it belonged to her body and should never be replaced. Kagome sped across the floor to rejoin him at his side, cutting off his clear view, and he found himself dissatisfied. He wasn’t done. She couldn’t enter a room like a goddess here to grace his presence and not give him ample timing to properly memorize the image.

Still, be that as it may, his gaze followed her. It wasn’t an order his brain gave to his eyes and head as she sat by his damaged arm, anxious and relieved. Inuyasha legitimately couldn’t take his eyes off of her. If he had that sort of control, if he did himself the injustice by looking away before he was ready, he would have cursed himself for days to come. If he couldn’t take her all in, he was going to take in as much as he could.

He was breathless, dazed, but in his right mind. Kagome had him captivated. She walked in and her smile reached his soul. All at once, he was stunned and comforted. And, he was grateful.

She’d asked him if he was okay. He hadn’t heard her words, spoken so lightly, but he’d watched her lips move. With his left hand, Inuyasha reached across to her, his finger gently rubbing just beneath her chin as he nodded. He was going to speak, but his amber irises fell to her shoulders, the skin he’d yet to be fortunate enough to really see until now. Small, brown and tan freckles dotted her shoulder. There weren’t an abundance, but there were just enough to steal his focus. With everything in him, he wanted to kiss each and every one, and with everything in him, he reminded himself that it was the wrong place at the wrong time.

“This arm,” Kagome mentioned, looking down at the bandaged shoulder and bicep. “You can’t really move it, can you? I should switch to the other side.”

She glanced to the woman that occupied his left, about to ask if she’d mind switching with her before Inuyasha finally spoke.

Now was his chance. The golden opportunity. “No, it’s - it’d be better if you sat in front of me. My neck’s stiff, so turning it sucks right now.” He fibbed.

“Oh, okay.” She obliged with a nod, scooting herself to sit by his thigh. Her back was now turned to the entrance, fully facing her companion as she gently leaned against his leg. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah. Better.” Now he could get a perfect look at her.

Kagome was trying not to concentrate on his torso, on the wrappings that dressed his bare core. It would only increase her obvious concern, and it wasn’t something she wanted to immediately bother Inuyasha with. Instead, she occupied her sights with anything else; his fingers that rubbed against the blanket covering him, his soft gaze on her, his long hair that wasn’t held captive in a high ponytail like she was so used to, then the tray of food at his side.

“You haven’t eaten, have you?” Though she knew the answer already, she figured it was respectful to allow him to speak for himself.

Inuyasha looked down to his untouched food, the bowl of fruit, the bread, the meat, the rice. He couldn’t think about eating before when all that occupied his mind was Kagome. He needed to know she was okay before he even considered taking a bite.

“No.” He lightly replied.

“Did you eat this morning?”

He shook his head.

“That means the last time you ate was yesterday morning, Inuyasha.” She gently reminded, her brow curved in concern. “Do you not have an appetite, or -“

“Have you eaten?” Inuyasha interrupted, eyeing her.

He noticed the way the hollow of her throat emphasized with her inhale as her lips sealed for a second, her shoulders tensing the slightest bit. She was quick to relax, her fingers playing with the loose skirt of her dress. “Yeah, I ate not too long ago.”

“Did you?” He questioned skeptically.

“I did.” Kagome nodded.

The hanyou looked over to the tall guard at the far end of the room, standing next to the woman he’d seen more often than Kagome in the last twenty-four hours. “You the one who’s watching her?”

“I am.”

“What’s your name?”

“Shinosuke.”

“Has she eaten? She tends to not be able to stomach much when she’s uncomfortable or anxious.”

Kagome stiffened at the correct observation. She hadn’t realized Inuyasha paid attention to the mundane details of her characteristics, especially well enough to be able to relay it to others. That was something she didn’t much talk about, nor necessarily know when or how to bring up. So, she’d eat a little when food was placed before her to curb worry, but when her stomach told her to stop, she’d heed the warning.

Shinosuke fought his smug grin, watching the conjurer slowly duck her head. Though he couldn’t see her face from where he stood, he knew - just fucking knew - she was blushing again. Yeah, okay. They’re friends, alright.

“She had some fruit a couple of hours ago. Didn’t eat it all.”

“Just fruit?” Inuyasha’s attention shifted back to Kagome.

“More than you’ve eaten.” She remarked.

He chuckled lightly. She had him there. “I’ll share with you. I’m not that hungry, either.”

“We can go get her her own plate. It’s no trouble at all.” The housemaid on his left said, but Inuyasha shook his head.

“We’ll share. It’s fine.” It was his own way of protecting her from feeling obligated to eat more than she could handle out of sheer courtesy.

Kagome looked at the food as he placed the tray on his lap. The heavier stuff was incredibly unappealing. It looked like it tasted great, but the thought of eating it had her tummy turning upside down. In silent communication to her partner, she glanced from the meal to the hanyou, sucking in her bottom lip nervously.

Inuyasha understood what she was conveying. She really couldn’t eat too much right now. “You like strawberries, right?”

“Mhm.” She hummed, her tone small.

“Here.” Inuyasha picked the strawberries out of his bowl, putting them in the corner of the tray nearest her.

“But -“

“I don’t like them.” He lied. Inuyasha knew she was about to reject, not wanting to take the option of something sweet from him that he may enjoy, but he really didn’t care. He wanted her to eat, and if she liked them, she could have them all.

Both Shinosuke and Wakana had pressed their lips firmly together to hide their grins, giving each other little side glances as their surprise continued to escalate. Their hanyou guest was now eating, something Wakana couldn’t get him to do no matter how much she'd tried. How did Kagome question anything? How did she not see what everyone else could see? It was innocent and adorable, and a crime to interrupt.

“Ladies, let’s give them some space.” Wakana suggested, clapping her hands together once. “There’s no need for us to be here right now.”

The few staff in the room bowed slightly in compliance and rose to leave, the patter from their feet heard as they trailed toward the door.

“I’ll be back in a little while to give you some medicine. If you need anything in the meantime, we’ll be down the hall.”

Finally, they were left alone. Inuyasha felt the tension in his shoulders relax a little. Having eyes on him all the time was stressful and he fucking hated it. While he knew they were merely being kind and doing their jobs, it was still something he’d never grow accustomed to. More than that, Kagome was right where she belonged. No one was taking her away, no one was disrupting their time for the moment, and no one was playing bodyguard to the person he was supposed to protect.

“I need you to eat a little bit more than fruit, Kagome.” He tried, tearing off a chunk of his bread for her. “This or rice.”

“Tear that piece in half and you’ve got a deal.” She wagered.

“Nope.” He chuckled again, giving a minor wince from the pain it brought his abdomen. He recovered, hoping she hadn’t seen, but it was Kagome. Of course, she’d noticed. Her brown eyes were large with worry, a frown appearing, and she sat up a little straighter in preparation to help in any way she could had he needed any. “I’m fine.” Inuyasha assured.

She didn’t speak, sights drifting down to his bandaging. It was like she was waiting for blood to reappear.

“Hey,” The hanyou reached forward, taking her chin in his fingers and bringing her attention back up to his face. “Stop it. I’m okay. Eat the bread.”

“Your arm -“

“I can move it.” He mentioned, releasing her and giving her the chunk he’d torn off. “I just cant reach up or anything. Not yet. Give it another day or two.”

Not wanting to upset him right now, she decided not to argue or fight him on eating. If all he was requesting was for her to eat a few pieces of strawberries and a small chunk of bread, she could handle that.

He’d eaten as much as he could too, and as soon as they were finished, he placed the tray off to his side, leaving it there to be forgotten. Inuyasha went right back to taking the conjurer in, allowing the image of her in that dress to burn into the forefront of his mind. That soft shade of pink complimented her so well, especially when her face tinted just a bit darker. The glitter on her cheeks was a nice touch, but her hair dressed half up the way it was suited her so fucking well. It was cute. She was gorgeous. He was awestruck.

Kagome had caught him looking, quickly growing shy. Remembering the lower cut of her bust, Kagome covered the cleavage that showed, desperately not wanting to make him uncomfortable right now. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” Inuyasha was swift to assure, reaching for her wrist and pulling it away. “Go back to how you were.”

Her skin was warm, and as her hand landed on her thigh, his own wandered down, playing with the fabric over it.

“Do you like it?” She asked curiously.

“Don’t make me answer that.” He tried not to let his tone convey how imperative it was that she didn’t push him in that direction. Inuyasha would lose his composure. He was already riding a fine line, but if he said yes, he’d feel compelled to further admit just how dangerous it was for him to be so near her while she looked like this. His heart wasn’t fairing well as it was. He wasn’t sure he could handle voicing that on top of it.

Kagome couldn’t help but grow increasingly nervous. He seemed hardened, maybe a little put off. Even though his fingers were continuously playing with the length of her dress, skimming her thigh over and over, she couldn’t help but worry with that answer that the clothing didn’t suit her as well as she’d thought.

“Do you hate it?” She unintentionally asked, her voice carrying smaller.

Amber eyes shot up to hers, then drifted down over the curve of her body. He hadn’t meant to come off any sort of negative way, though he understood how it’d happened. Hate. It was laughable to imagine that, given his current state of mind. If she had a way in, she’d understand that hate was far from what he actually felt.

“No. Not at all.” Inuyasha answered, sucking in a breath to keep himself grounded. Her scent was heavy and soothing, and as he found himself staring at her plush lips, he realized that the strawberry tint had him wanting to kiss her now more than any other time he’d considered it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t even blame the medicine for the thoughts that wouldn’t quiet this time. In an attempt to silence them anyway, he continued to speak. “Where did this come from?”

“Wakana. She likes to make dresses.” Kagome answered, a smile curving her lips upward.

“Is she the lady that woke us up this morning?”

“Yeah, that’s her. She’s the headman’s daughter.”

“Oh, that’s right. I vaguely remember her mentioning that, but I was fucking out of it when she did.”

“She’s super nice. Unfortunately, my clothes didn’t survive, so I’m stuck borrowing some until we figure something out. She mentioned making me something, but it might be easier for everyone if we just head to a shop.” She said, fighting her instinct to adjust her dress again.

“Did your bodice make it?” Inuyasha smirked teasingly. As he watched a dramatic pout form on her lips, he really had to put effort into not laughing. The motion would only hurt him, and he wasn’t sure she needed that right now - though she’d have to deal with the amused expression he couldn’t hide.

“It tore.” Kagome whined.

“Called it.”

“Shut up.” She gave a light smack on his thigh, her pout remaining.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t noticed the bandage on her head, or the one on her knuckles, and it was impossible to ignore the scrape he’d gotten a peek at on the back of her shoulder and the redness that didn’t belong on her cheekbone. It just wasn’t something he wanted to talk about first. Now that they were in the realm of the subject, Inuyasha grabbed her hand, pulling her to lean closer to him so he could push her bangs out of the way. No blood seeped through the bandage, so at least he knew it wasn’t bad. Still, his memory of her condition was extremely foggy.

He hadn’t forgotten the horrible amount of blood staining her stomach and arm, though. How could he? That, unfortunately, stayed with him even while he was unconscious. Without warning, Inuyasha’s palm found her waist and he pressed against it gently, feeling for wrappings he was worried she would lie about. When he felt nothing, his hand continued to travel over the general area he’d remembered the blood being in. If she winced, he’d feel awful but at least he’d know she was wounded and couldn’t keep it from him.

“What are you doing?” Kagome asked, concerned. Inuyasha didn’t answer, but his earlier amusement had gradually vanished, shifting to something pressing and off. His jaw was clenched, but instead of the furrowed look of his brow she’d grown used to, it was curved upward in distress.

The only flinch she’d made was when he pinched around her ribs, and he knew he’d only tickled her; it wasn’t one of pain. Still, he searched, breaking from her abdomen momentarily to pull her right arm out of the part in the loose sleeve, looking for signs of wounds. The flesh wasn’t broken at all along her forearm, but still she’d been covered in blood. She’d said it wasn’t hers, but there was so much. There was so fucking much. It was like he was realizing his worst fear, and all that flashed through his mind was how that green shirt clung to her stomach wherever the crimson had soaked.

“Were you hurt? What happened, Kagome?” He finally asked, once more touching her waist to feel if he’d missed something.

“I’m fine.” She’d stated, almost unsure. But, then it clicked. She understood what he was looking for. “No, no. That blood wasn’t mine. I was attacked by a demon, but that was his blood. I swear.”

“Kagome, how the fuck…” It wasn’t that he was exasperated. It was that he desperately needed to know. He’d agitated his nerves just now, and all he could think about was her hurt, mortally wounded while he couldn’t get to her.

“Do you want to see? Would that help? There’s nothing there, I promise.”

“Show me.” The hanyou hastily agreed.

She was quick to oblige, reaching for a clean towel off to the side. Skillfully, she shoved it beneath her dress to blanket the upper portion of her thighs, covering up what didn’t need to be seen as she then pulled the skirt up to expose her tummy. Kagome allowed him to look as long as he needed, to feel the skin of her abdomen, to reach around to her back and feel for any bandages or wounds - the both of them ignoring his grunt and wince as he leaned forward for better reach.

“It wasn’t mine.” Kagome swore again, lowering her garment as he sat back against the wall. She discarded the towel and breathed out, ready to relay the events that had unfolded. “The demon came out of nowhere, and grabbed me from behind. My arrows spilled everywhere, so it turned into a head-on fight. I got him pretty good.” She smirked with the hint of pride, raising her right hand as she looked down at her bandaging.

Inuyasha tenderly took her fingers, bringing it closer to him. Her knuckles were wrapped tight, and to his dismay, there was the slightest hint of pink poking through the off-white wrappings. He didn’t release her hand. He didn’t want to. He lightly stroked his thumb over her wound, lowering it to his thigh to hold there as he glanced back at her to get the rest of the story.

“The blood came from me stabbing him. He was on top of me so I used my dagger to get him in the side.”

“With purification?” He inquired.

“Of course.” Kagome answered.

“So, he’s dead?”

The memory of the demon’s body collapsing on top of her lit up in her mind, and her throat tightened. Swallowing thickly to try and subdue the discomfort, to try and keep it all from view so Inuyasha didn’t have that to add to his list of worries as well, Kagome took in a breath and nodded. “Yes. He’s dead.”

The hanyou let that information sink in, remaining quiet as he now held her hand with the both of his. His thumbs played over the bandaging, calloused skin scratching on the cloth’s surface, but when it skimmed down to her soft flesh, he felt a small sense of peace spread over him. So, he kept up that action, over and over rubbing his thumbs across her knuckles and toward the uncovered skin, then back. She took care of herself, just like she’d proved she could. Just like he knew she could. He would have felt better ripping that fucker to shreds, though. He’d said it before and he’ll say it as many times as necessary: no one touches Kagome.

Still, he was extremely proud of her. She held her own and then appeared in the nick of time to help his ass out. What a fucking woman.

“In that case, you look pretty good for someone who went toe-to-toe with a demon.” He lightly chuckled.

“Thank you.” She playfully grinned, raising her shoulders in feigned smugness. “I had to show him who was boss.”

“Honestly, I’m starting to think you could actually kick my ass.”

“Nah, that guy was just cocky and talked too much. I used all of that against him, pinned him down, and punched him in the face.”

“You punched him in the face?” He laughed, regretting it but that time he was able to properly hide his discomfort.

“Yes!” Kagome tightened the fingers he held. “He had sharp teeth, so it cut my knuckle, that jerk. But, I still got him.”

She was fucking cute as all hell as she raised her left arm and flexed her bicep, the slit in the long sleeves opening to fall away so he could see the definition. It brought the biggest smile to Inuyasha’s face. She really was okay. She was perfect.

“So, I take it you saw?” Inuyasha had to ask, his grin dwindling to a small, careful one. He found himself needing to know what was going through her mind. Why was she so anxious? Sure, it was unpleasant to be separated while he was wounded; he could see himself physically throwing people off of him that tried to keep him away from her had their positions been swapped. But, he remembered the way she looked when she came in last night. He vividly remembered her visible fear, the frown, but worst of all, there was a vague remembrance of her expression this morning. When Wakana woke them up and Kagome noticed his stomach. The way she’d stopped breathing and looked damn close to panicking. Of course, she’d seen the extent of his damage. He’d hoped she hadn’t seen it uncovered. But, had she seen it take place? “Moryomaru, when he… Did you?”

Her own smile faded then, and after a deep breath, she scooted herself a little closer to his torso, careful of how she leaned on his hip. She took one of his hands then, placing it in her lap as she busied herself, running her fingers over the lines of his palm. Brown eyes could no longer meet amber, instead staring down at the trail she left over his skin. It had been impossible to get that image out of her mind. Kagome knew it was something that, much like Shinosuke had mentioned, would stick with her forever. The only reason it wasn’t crippling her was because she knew Inuyasha was alive, and his condition was only improving.

“Yeah,” She breathed. “I saw.”

“Ah, fuck.” Inuyasha groaned. “I was really fucking hoping you hadn’t since you were busy fighting someone.”

“Our fight ended just before.”

“Kid, I’m sorry.”

“What?” Her gaze shot up to his, her upper lip curled in question. “For what?”

“If I had seen that happen to you, I would have lost my mind. I can only imagine what you felt watching that. I didn’t mean to make you worry. Fuck, that’s why you haven’t been eating, isn’t it?”

She softened, allowing her fingers to trail over the veins of his forearm for a moment. When her nail gently skimmed the thin skin of his inner elbow, she noticed a small twitch from him. A tickle spot.

“No, that’s not it.” Kagome admitted, the corners of her lips very subtly raising. “Well, I guess it’s a contribution, but really it’s because I miss you. I should be right next to you so I know you’re okay every second of the day, but I can’t be and I don’t like that. I don’t feel content not hearing you call me an idiot or kid or something mean because you’re unconscious, and not being able to help in any way doesn’t sit right with me. But, I also understand that they’re right to pull me away. You need to rest. And, you wouldn’t with me here.”

She was breaking him. He could feel any remaining borders between them beginning to shatter like glass with each statement she spoke. Her sincerity was his welcomed demise. The power Kagome had over him with her honesty was so much more incredible than Inuyasha could have ever imagined, and his heart climbed into his throat. How did she say that all so easily? How did she brighten even the worst of his days? She missed him.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, he caught the sound of walking approaching. Inuyasha outwardly cursed, knowing that it was Wakana coming to force his next dose down his throat and Kagome’s temporary guard coming to take her away. With the remaining seconds he had, he looked back to the conjurer, bringing her right hand to his lips as he kissed her damaged knuckle just before releasing her.

“Sneak back over tonight.”

Kagome’s heart gave a heavy thump inside of her ribcage, damn near bruising the bones in its excitement. With a nervous agreement, Kagome nodded, trying to keep composure as even she caught the footsteps and comprehended his reaction.

The door slid open and in walked Wakana, the housemaid Kagome had threatened the day before, and Shinosuke with his notorious smirk. The housemaid remained by the wall, visibly uncomfortable as she refused to make eye contact with either she or Inuyasha. With a grimace, Kagome’s attention flew over to her companion, silently communicating with an awkward but amused expression that she knew exactly what the girl’s stiffness was about.

Inuyasha read her well. He’d remembered her mentioning she’d almost fought someone to stay with him, and given the housemaids opposition to near either, and Kagome’s humored but ashamed smile, along with the way her eyes flickered between the woman and he, he put two-and-two together. With as much effort he could muster, he tried - really tried - to fight back his laughter. For the sake of the housemaid’s dignity, Kagome’s embarrassment, and his sore abdomen. Still, a small snort left his nose, and he ducked his head to the side to try and further stifle it.

“Matsu, would you mind brewing the tea? Remember, three dashes this time.” Wakana spoke, putting her aid to work. The woman gave a feeble nod, immediately doing as requested but still keeping her head low.

“That woman’s fine whenever you’re not around.” Inuyasha whispered to Kagome, giving a small tug to a section of her free length of hair. Another amused but embarrassed grimace came from her in response as she covered her grin with her hand so that Matsu wouldn’t see how funny this was to her. “You fucking troublemaker.”

“Ready to go?” Shinosuke asked from the doorway.

Kagome peered at him from over her shoulder, curling her upper lip in disdain before turning back to Inuyasha.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Wait.” He ordered quietly just as she began to stand, wagging his finger so she’d lean in closer. As she did, her brows arched in curiosity, he asked, “This guy, is he trustworthy? Do you feel safe with him?”

“Well, he skillfully protected me from a ten year old so far, so he’s not half bad.”

“Seriously, Kagome.” He deadpanned.

“Um, I’m - I’m not lying.” She liked that Inuyasha couldn’t help but crack half a smile there as he rolled his eyes. “He’s attentive, and pretty cool. Likes to joke around, but I can tell he’s serious about his duties. Follows me everywhere -“

“Has he touched you?”

“Yeah, but only appropriately. Unless he’s being a jerk and carrying me out of the room over his shoulder.”

“Like I’m about to.” Shinosuke commented with a chuckle, strutting forward. “You know, you two don’t whisper as quietly as you think you do.”

Inuyasha leveled a glare at the guard as he kneeled right beside Kagome, looking him once over.

“What’s up?” He asked, smiling, unfazed by the clearly unwelcoming attitude the hanyou presented. “Ah, I get it. You don’t know me, so you don’t know if you can trust me with Kagome here. Alright, what would you like to know? Name’s Shinosuke, I’m twenty-four, used to be a chubby kid, favorite color’s red, I like long walks on the beach -“

“Knock it off.” Inuyasha drawled. “You’re not making me like you.”

“Not trying to. That’s not in my pay grade.”

“Shinosuke!” Wakana warned, approaching. “Inuyasha, I’m sorry. He’s got awful people skills, but he is in charge of our guards. With everything you two did for our people, and with how protective papa noticed you were of Kagome, he felt it would give you peace of mind to know our very best was watching over her.”

“Just leave her with me. She’ll be fine. She doesn’t want to go, anyway.”

“And, what’s to happen to her while you’re in your medicinally-induced coma?” Shinosuke challenged, that smug grin never fading.

“Kagome can take care of herself.”

“So, you’d rather she be left alone to worry about you. Alright. Makes my life easier.” He shrugged, rising to a stand.

“Oh, you son of a bitch.” Inuyasha ground out through clenched teeth. He turned to Wakana. “I don’t like the mind games he plays.”

Wakana quickly used the back of her hand to slap Shinosuke’s arm, silently reprimanding him with her scowl. The guard winced, grimacing but still laughing.

“What? I got through to him.”

“Just take her.” Inuyasha rolled his eyes pridefully, giving Kagome’s thigh one last stroke of his palm.

“You heard the man. Come on, tiny might.” Shinosuke boasted, reaching to grab the back of Kagome’s dress and lift her up.

“That name again?” She complained, following his leverage and quickly standing.

“By the way, you don’t have to worry about me touching her inappropriately.” He said down to Inuyasha as the half demon ground his jaw uncomfortably. “Not that kind of guy, and I’m pretty sure your girl here would twist my pinky off. Not to mention,” He gestured to Wakana. “Fiancee.”

It took a small moment, but after watching Wakana nod in reassurance, Inuyasha found himself relaxing slightly. He still wasn’t a fan of the fact that someone else was looking over Kagome, but it surprisingly eased him a lot to know that there was no physical or romantic attraction taking place. Especially while Kagome looked as she did now. Inuyasha found his shoulders dropping an inch, his frown lessening, and a nod of acknowledgment coming forward.

Without another word, Shinosuke grabbed Kagome’s shoulders and guided her toward the door, stopping after just a few steps to make her face the incoming housemaid that carried the brewed tea over.

“See, Matsu. She’s harmless.”

The woman tensed considerably and ducked her head, eyes landing on the floor while her hands wrapped around the tray even tighter. Kagome was taken aback by the woman’s trepidation, her jaw dropping as she couldn’t help but look back over at Inuyasha. Never in her life had she caused a single person to fear her as much as this woman currently did. Not even her younger brother took her this seriously.

“She’s harmless!” Shinosuke urged, laughing. Even he was surprised by the housemaid’s reaction.

“She - uh - she killed Moryomaru, sir.” Matsu softly said as a way to prove Kagome was, in fact, not harmless.

“You know what, I’ll give it to you. You’ve got me there.” The guard bobbed his head. “You seem fine around Inuyasha, though.”

Matsu didn’t say anything. She merely stood there, eyes on the tray of herbal tea as she bounced from foot-to-foot.

“You - you realize he’s half demon, don’t you?”

“I am aware, sir.” She answered.

“Kagome, you damn ruffian.” Shinosuke snickered, shoving her toward the exit and away from the apprehensive housemaid. “You’re seriously gonna tell me the nickname’s still undeserved?”

“I’m sorry!” She guffawed, stumbling, once more looking back at Inuyasha as she laughed. The hanyou merely watched her exasperatedly, his large hand swiping down his face as he silently communicated his dumbfounded nature.

“You scarred the poor girl!” Shinosuke jokingly harassed, pushing her out the door.

Just before she disappeared, she shared one last, bright smile with Inuyasha, waving goodbye to him with the promise to see him soon.

| previous chapter | <- -> | next chapter |

[robininthelabyrinth]

Hello! I love your writing! I'm gonna send five prompts, I hope at least one of them inspires you and you have fun with them. Prompt #1: Wang Lingjiao (Wen Chao's mistress) interacting with Meng Yao in Nightless City, can be a ship but not necessarily (I... guess you could count shipping it as infidelity towards Wen Chao??? so def don't write ship if it makes you uncomfortable). Preferably WLJ pov, with her making numerous not always accurate assumptions about Meng Yao's role at Wen Ruohan's court, maybe sort of assuming he is to WRH what she is to WC and therefore approaching him with something like ~camaraderie (whether MY plays along or laughs her off I will leave to you)

ao3

Friends were a luxury that Wang Lingjiao had never been well-off enough to have, not when her tenuous position might be lost at any minute by a pair of seductive eyes or a new (not better) pair of tits, but it wasn’t like she was totally without any fellow feeling.

“Well done,” she said to the boy with Nie braids in his hair like he thought it’d make him something he wasn’t.

He blinked, surprised, and fixed her with the same pleasant, competent, I’m-here-for-your-pleasure smile that she’d seen him use on everyone else. “Lady Wang, whatever do you mean?”

Wang Lingjiao rolled her eyes. Sure, he wasn’t doing anything more stunning than getting himself some off-hours food from the kitchens, same as her, but there was no way he didn’t know what she meant. 

He knew. Oh, he knew.

“For selling something else,” she clarified, and saw the darkness creep into that bright and clear gaze he was always pretending with, hiding behind; he couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what she was saying now. Personally, she’d rather be on her back in Wen Chao’s bed than helping out in the Fire Palace, but it was the principle of the thing. “And drop the ‘lady’ shit while we’re in the Nightless City. There’s no point in pissing off Lady Ma.”

His face didn’t give away any obvious tells, like eyebrows shooting up or eyes going wide, but she could feel that he was surprised. “You – care about that?”

Ma Liyuan was Wen Chao’s wife, officially, and Wang Lingjiao’s official job was as her maid, except of course she didn’t do any maid stuff because she was too busy fucking Wen Chao. Still, she would have thought that this Meng Yao character would know better.

“Born in a brothel, were you?” she guessed, and his face closed up. “Don’t be so squeamish. She told me to do it, of course. If she can’t keep him, better that she control him through me than let someone from the outside sink their claws into him. Doesn’t mean she wants it rubbed in her face or anything, though.”

It wasn’t an uncommon story, and he nodded slowly as she went to pick out some food – she could get better fare when she ate with Wen Chao, of course, but he liked the illusion of her being dainty and pristine, as if you could get tits like hers without having a decent meal on the regular, and so she supplemented in private.

“Someone told me you were from Yingchuan,” he said from behind her. “Yingchuan Wang sect.”

“I am,” she said, tearing at the flesh of an apple with her teeth. “What, the intonation didn’t give me away?”

“It’s not that,” he said. “I thought – Yingchuan Wang is a cultivation sect.”

Gentry, he meant. 

“Sure is,” Wang Lingjiao said, and her lips twisted in derision. “What, did you think it was all fun and games after you get brought across the threshold? Did your mother fill your head with dreams of your legitimate father sweeping in and buying your freedom and hers, setting her up in a nice little courtyard and you in disciple robes, then seeing your merit and giving you the respect you deserve?”

He was quiet. Brothel girls, she thought to herself. Always the same old tune.

“My mother was a whore, too, only she did get brought in as a concubine,” she said. “Nice and official, past the threshold and everything. The official wives hated her, of course: shorted her on firewood in the winter and water in the summer, always gave her the worst pieces of cloth to make clothing and no allowance to buy anything else, gave us incense that’d give you itches and food that gave you the runs.”

“That happens everywhere,” he said.

“She got that nice little courtyard,” Wang Lingjiao said. “It even had a nice little gateway to the outside world – not for her to go out, mind you, that wouldn’t be proper for an official concubine. But it worked perfectly well for men to come in, with all the earnings flowing to the family coffers.”

She laughed at the expression on his face.

“It’s one pimp or another,” she told him. “Men always want something from you, always, don’t you know that? And when they think you’re already dirty, they don’t think too hard about what they’re asking. I was born inside the door to a proper legitimate father, never spent a day of my life in a brothel, and they still sold me out just the same as any madam – no, worse. The stuff these righteous bastards ask for is always ten times worse.”

“Worse?” he echoed.

“Isn’t it?” she asked him. “Even a whore that’s lost her charm still doesn’t have to do much more than lie on her back and spread her legs, but look at you – look at me. Running around catering to their every need, doing every nasty deed that they don’t want to do because that’s all we’re good for in their eyes.”

He grimaced.

“I’m in charge of getting new women for A-Chao’s bed, when he’s in the mood for variety,” Wang Lingjiao said. “And for getting rid of any accidents that might happen later, my own or others’. The Wen clan doesn’t believe in them, if you understand me; if he wants kids, he’ll get them through Lady Ma or nobody. And if a woman turns him down, it’s my job to punish her, or else he’ll start saying I don’t care enough, that I’m looking elsewhere…”

She laughed and took a bite of some pork.

“I’d do it anyway, of course,” she said, chewing. “All those little bitches that think they’re better than me, it’s a pleasure to knock them down to size. And surprise, surprise, once they don’t have their looks, suddenly they’re more than happy to come around begging at A-Chao’s door to see what they can get, since now the righteous ones don’t want them anymore…Peel off all that shiny exterior and it’s all the same underneath.”

Meng Yao didn’t like what she was saying, she could tell. Not that she cared.

“Find yourself a fool,” she advised him. “A-Chao’s not bad to me, all things considered. I’ve been by his side for a few years now and his tastes are pretty run-of-the-mill, not like his brother or his father; a bit of ego stroking - ooh, you’re so strong, so capable, I’ve never seen anyone as big as you, that sort of thing - and he likes coming on my tits. Sect Leader Wen, though? He’s too clever. You won’t be able to keep his interest for long, not even with those ingenious little torture machines you keep inventing for him, and then he’ll have you doing the real scut work.”

“I appreciate your consideration,” he said stiffly. Didn’t like his work being compared to someone like her, did he?

Men.

“I hear things about the brothels in Lanling,” she offered, just to needle him. “Not just perfume and flowers and a bit of witty conversation, not for men with all the money in the world; they like getting a little extra. If you’d gotten taken in the way you wanted, I’d bet that’s the job you’d get: you’d be seeing those women every day, bringing the women in smiling and taking them out crying – or worse. Some jobs you aren’t meant to come back from, after all; my best friend growing up ended up that way. You couldn’t even recognize the body as human below the neck.”

He was too well-trained to glare, but Wang Lingjiao could tell he wanted to. Someone like him, who signed up to do torture work, probably wouldn’t mind the bodies, she reflected, and shook her head.

“What’s Qinghe like, anyway?” she asked, nodding at his braids, actually curious. “Secretive sorts, and the one or two times my people acted as hosts to their inner sect disciples, they always turned down any offers for late night company.”

“I wouldn’t know,” he said.

“Stop having a stick up your ass. I’m not saying you provided services yourself, and even if you did I’m hardly one to judge. I just want to know. You were close with that big man of theirs, their sect leader, weren’t you? Sect Leader Wen sure talks about it enough.”

Talked about it the way Wen Chao talked about Wang Lingjiao getting close to a woman he was pursuing, sometimes. There was really no accounting for taste – Sect Leader Wen could have any woman he wanted and often did, her and Lady Ma included, and even sometimes at the same time; yet what he really wanted, apparently, was to hear Meng Yao talk about Sect Leader Nie’s personal habits.

Probably he wanted the joy in breaking him or something. Wang Lingjiao didn’t make it her business to try to guess, though she supposed Meng Yao did.

“No way someone as sharp as you didn’t pick up some clues about what he likes,” she continued. “Come on, what is it? He like beating his whores or something?”

“He didn’t frequent whores,” Meng Yao said. “And he didn’t take lovers.”

He smiled, faintly, probably at her expression of disbelief.

“He liked slaughtering Wen-dogs,” he added. “Rather a lot. See that you don’t end up on the wrong side of his saber. He didn’t make allowances for women.”

Wang Lingjiao tossed her hair – there was no need to bring in blood and war into their perfectly nice conversation! – and huffed. “Oh, I get you. The marrying type, then?” she sneered. “The ones that’ll give you their heart and forgive you for everything, then end up wearing green hats for cuckolds when it turns out the one they like isn’t near as virtuous as them? What a fool!”

“I thought you said I should find myself a fool,” Meng Yao said mildly.

“You still have to be able to keep him,” she mocked. “If you could get someone like Sect Leader Nie on the hook, why would you be busting your ass here?”

That shut him up.

“Well, your loss is Sect Leader Wen’s gain, I guess,” she said, and put aside her plate without washing it. The kitchen staff could clean up for her. “Ugh, I can’t wait for this war to be over already. I miss the discussion conferences! Even though I had to stay back with the servants, at least you got to see some new people…that last one, with the archery, that was a fun one.”

She grinned. “All the sect leaders came here to sit at Sect Leader Wen’s feet, your father included. He asked all three of his housekeeping maids to serve him in bed, you know. All at once. Brave man, at his age…come to think of it, you might want to check the nursery. See if you have some siblings there. Who knows? Maybe they’ll grow up to be competition.”

Meng Yao said nothing.

Wang Lingjiao laughed again.

“Have fun in the Fire Palace, Meng Yao,” she said, sashaying away. “Try not to end up on the wrong side of it.”

See? It was almost like being friends.