#i’ve pretty much stopped buying pcs for anyone else right now

[eunhos]

.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #459

“i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh  /  i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away”

Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. You’re getting married. Who’s your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. What’s your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao What’s your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say you’re a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. What’s been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. ♥ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.

[nc7dr3am]

LILY’s BIRTHDAY PARTY VLIVE

december 1st, 2020

you know the drill for nct dream birthday parties

they’re all at the long table, there’s balloons that spell “happy birthday lily” behind them

and they all have party hats (except jimin) and snacks and the cake on the table

jimin is seated in the middle, mark to her right, then chenji

to her left is renjun, hyuck, and then nomin

jimin: hiii czennies!!

and the rest of the boys do their shit yknow greeting the fans

hyuck: it’s our jimin’s birthday!!

and all the guys cheer but it’s so loud that jimin plugs her ears and wrinkles her face

hyuck: i remember when she was just a tiny baby :’)

jaemin: she’s grown so much :(

jeno: she used to be even shorter when we met her

renjun: even back then, we were all taller than her

jimin: today, i will be opening my members presents in front of czennies- we can all celebrate my birthday together!! sadly, mila unnie wasn’t able to though :(

chenle: mila noona got her an electric violin

mark: it’s so cool, seriously. and she played misfit on it as soon as she got it

hyuck: i was so shocked- she just knew it already without preparing

jisung: our jimin is talented~~

jimin: it wasn’t hard! i plan to cover dancing in the rain soon, since i helped compose it

a minute later, they start with the gift, youngest to oldest

jisung hands her a single card and everyone laughs

renjun: where’s your present?

jeno: ah, you know he’s always like this

jimin: *trying not to laugh* shh, let me read the car

jisung is just hiding his head in his hands, and the others and laughing quietly

jimin: ‘jimin... noona...’ ahhh, i hate being called that, this sounds so awkward?? anyway, ‘you’ve came a long way. it’s okay that you have grey hairs-‘ jisung!! WHY WOULD YOU TELL CZENNIES THAT

renjun then leans over while they’re all laughing and tries to count her grey hairs that actually exist. girlie’s got premature greyness 😔

jimin: ‘it’s okay that you have grey hairs and are grumpy a lot. you’re just becoming an old woman... but we still love you. happy birthday, from jisung’ you’re dying later tonight, jisung park. say goodbye to czennies now while you have the chance

once they settle down a little, chenle hands her his gift

mark: is there not a card?

chenle: she doesn’t need one

everyone’s laughing again and mark’s is super loud and cute and lily smiles while looking at him

jimin: let’s see what’s inside

everyone is looking over curiously

jisung: i already know what he’s gotten her. he wanted it to be the most expensive gift

jimin: you dummy, i don’t need- OH MY GOD

she’s holding a light grey purse and her mouth is gaped open

jeno: what is it?

yknow when they’re all confused and making those confused noises? yeah they’re all doing that

jimin: YOU SERIOUSLY GOT ME A GIVENCHY ANTIGONA PURSE?? THEYRE TOO EXPENSIVE

chenle: i know grey is your favorite color, so i got that~~

hyuck: HES TOO RICH

renjun: HE HAD TO OUTDO US ALL

jaemin: HE DIDNT EVEN HAVE A CARD

jimin: thank you so much, lele!!

and then she stands to hug him while he’s dolphin laughing

chenle: honestly, your purses all break and are too cheap... this one is supposed to be sturdy and hold a lot without breaking

hyuck: it’s funny when they break at the airport

jimin: shut up... jaemin oppa?

jaemin passes her a card and she freezes suddenly

jimin: will this make me cry? your cards are always so touching

jaemin: just readdd

chenle: she’s going to cry, i know it

jimin: ‘our lovely jimin��� WAHHH THIS IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY

renjun: just read, it’s okay!

jimin: ‘watching you grow up has been so strange. when i met you, you were such a baby. you were someone i wanted to protect, and you still are. you’re my little sister, and it’s been an honor to grow up with you, to perform with you, and be part of your family. you’re our most precious member, and i love you so much. let’s be together for a long time. happy birthday, koala.’

she was tearing up durinf the letter and you could hear it in her voice but at the end she began to cry more and covered her hands with her eyes as the others slightly malfunction cuz they don’t know what to DO

jaemin: don’t cry, jimin-ah!!

hyuck: get her a tissue! it’s okay~~

mark: *in english* hey, it’s okay! don’t cry, lils *puts his arm around her*

chenle: i told you she would cry

renjun: *helps to dry her eyes with his sleeves*

jeno: jaemin, why did you do this??

jisung: open the present, stop crying!!

^^ and all of those are just kinda all at once it’s so chaotic

jimin: *laughing* it’s okay, i just love you. oppa, give me a huggg

soon she’s opening his gift and she gives a great big smile

jimin: i was going to buy this myself!

jaemin: i had to get it for you~~

she holds up a new camera and even though her eyes are still a little teary she looks so happy

jimin: manager noona, can you help set this up? i want to take a picture with everyone after this!!

soon it’s time for hyuck’s gift, and she’s trying not to laugh as she opens the card

jimin: i’m most excited for this card...

when she opens it she LAUGHS and she shows it to mark who laughs even more

the others all clamor to see it and CACKLE when they do. she holds it up to the camera

the card just has all of hyuck’s recent pcs in it and says ‘you’re welcome for this card which has made your birthday wonderful’

jimin: donghyuck oppa, i love you so much. you’re the love of my life

hyuck: 😳 stop lying, stupid girl

she’s already opening his gift and laughs when she sees it. it’s noise cancelling headphones

hyuck: you were yelling at us recently that we were being too loud and you wished your noise cancelling headphones werent broken

jimin: i usually only use my earbuds, but these are so nice!! are they wireless??

hyuck: yeah, since you never use airpods i thought this was the closest you’d go

jimin: thank you oppa!! i love you so much

hyuck: i love you too

when she opens jeno’s card she grins

jimin: *in english* ‘little lilly,’ *in korean* ‘happy birthday. it’s been so many years since we met, and you’re still as special as you were then. stop growing so that you can be our baby koala forever. love you, jeno’

they all applaud, and jimin is pouting

jimin: i’m only you and jaemin’s baby, stop acting like i’ll be a baby forever!

jisung: taeyong hyung says that you’re his baby too

jimin: okay. i’m only nomin and taeyong oppa’s baby

jeno gives her a large gift bag and she pulls out some blankets

jimin: ahhhh, thank you oppa!! these are so soft!! i love blankets!!

jeno: keep looking, there’s something else~~

jimin: *gasps* l’interdit?! omo, i’ve wanted to try this for so long!! you all know i love givenchy... doyoung oppa got me givenchy sneakers today

mark: it smells really good

jimin: ?! did you all try it already?

chenji starts laughing and then it’s OBVIOUS what happened

jeno: we wanted to test it!!

jimin: *sprays it on herself* ooo, it does smell quite nice. thank you, oppa, i really love it

renjun: after you read the card, i have to go get the present

jimin: ?!

mark: is it too big for the room?

jeno: huh?

renjun: just read, jimin-ah~~

jimin: ‘jimin, i still remember when we met. you looked so scared in the practice rooms, but you still smiled at us all. i’m happy we see that smile every day, even when you’re feeling bad. happy birthday, jiminnie, we love you’ awwwh, junnie oppa... thank you

she leans on him, smiling

renjun: you’re welcome. but let me get the gift

hyuck: i don’t know what it is, does anyone?

no one knows what it is, but they’re even more suspicious when a manager leaves with him.

renjun, from a distance: cover her eyes!!

mark scoots closer to her and covers her eyes, making her pout

jimin: i want to seeeee

and then all the dreamies GASP which has her freaking out

jimin: what is it?! mark, let me go, i want to see!!

when she does see, her eyes go wide.

jimin: woahhh...

when it gets brought in, even all the fans watching are like O_O

renjun’s gift is... a huge floral arrangement with... WHITE LILLIES

LIKE THE INSTAGRAM POST MYSTERY

jimin: these are gorgeous... thank you, oppa

he hugs her, smiling

renjun: you really like them?

jimin: of course i do! you know white lillies are my favorite... and the daisies and leaves are gorgeous

hyuck: we should put them behind the table, so everyone can see them

jaemin: those are really pretty, renjun

jisung: woahhh

chenle: mark hyung looks upset- that’ll be hard to follow LMAO

hyuck: *smug* i think his will be good...

mark looks embarrassed handing her the card and starts to LAUGH

jimin: *in english* ‘lils, i hope the day has been better than every other one. i don’t wanna be weird and write as long a letter as i planned, so i’ll just shorten it. you’re one of the funniest, most talented people i’ve ever met, and i knew that even when we were little, shy trainees. i’m happy about all the time we’ve spent together and all the time we will have in the future, performing and growing by each other’s sides. happy birthday, m.l.’

at that point everyone is clowning mark because he got sentimental and sweet and mark and lily BOTH feel embarrassed-ish

jimin: thank you, markie oppa. it means a lot

mark: LMAO you’re welcome... it was nothing

hyuck: open your gift!!

he throws her a small box and she quirks an eyebrow

jimin: what, no puzzle? or an empty picture frame?

hyuck: what about a bible?

renjun: or an english dictionary?

mark: ahhhh. why are you all being like this

hyuck: don’t worry, jimin-ah, you’ll like this...

she opens the present and is met with a light blue tiffany’s box

jimin: no way. this is a joke. you didn’t get me anything from tiffany’s

mark: just open it!!

jimin: *opens it and just stares for a while*

and all the guys are wondering what’s in it and they’re all like woah.

jimin: oh my god mark

mark: do you like it?

jimin: of COURSE i do oh my god

she holds up a necklace with three charms on it. one that looked like a tag and another that was an ornate key and then a sagittarius charm. she’s smiling so big

mark: look at the other side, i got it engraved

jimin: ‘happy birthday, lils. m.l.’ oppa this is so gorgeous... help me put it on?

she lifted her hair and he fastened the clasp

hyuck: i told him to get you jewelry but he thought this up himself. i was surprised

everyone started to agree because mark is horrible at giving gifts

jaemin: it’s so pretty!

mark: haha i’m glad you like it

jimin: i absolutely love it! i cant believe it- i hoped you’d be the one person who didn’t spend much money on me. you know i hate people spending money on me

renjun: you deserve it, though

mark: it was nothing... i was just scared you wouldn’t like it

she gives mark a hug from the side, eyes closed and head on his chest

they all talked a bit more, the guys taking a bunch of the snacks, before they sang happy birthday to her and served cake

jimin: thank you guys, really... it means so much

jeno: you know we all love you

chenle: totally

he tHEN SMASHED JIMIN’S CAKE INTO HER FACE AND THEIR MANAGER SNAPS A PHOTO ON HER NEW CAMERA AS SOON AS IT HAPPENS

jimin: ZHONG CHENLE-

chenle already started running, but before chasing him, jimin says goodbye to czennies

then the rest of them closed the live

[calaemonssi]

Itaru Chigasaki fan-fiction #1

(This kinda has some smut so UH warning I guess LOL)

IZUMI

It was another long day of hard work for Izumi, as the director of Mankai Company. I'm so bored...ahhh!

She checked her wall clock and found that it was already 2AM. Oh crap, I stayed up late again. Azami and Yuki would laugh at my skin tomorrow.

Stretching, she stood up and decided to get some water from the pantry. Right after going out of her room, she heard the entrance door click. Someone came home? Maybe it's Chikage? Or Matsukawa, for whatever reason...

Izumi peeked and saw Itaru taking off his shoes. "Oh, Itaru, it's you!"

Itaru turned around, his face seemingly startled at first, but then broke into a smile. "Hey, Ms. Director, I'm back."

"Welcome home! You must be tired." Izumi replied with a smile.

He laughed bitterly. "Definitely, but I still have enough energy to play, so it's all good."

Izumi sighed with a chuckle. "I...see. Well, do you want anything? I was planning to get some water, but I could prepare some coffee for you."

Itaru smiled and walked over to her. "Oh, really? That would be much appreciated."

She felt a bit shy with him a bit close to her so she idled away some. "Yeeeeah, I'll bring it to your room, so you can go ahead."

"Alright then." He simply replied and went ahead to his room. Once he was out of sight, Izumi heaved a sigh. Why is my heart racing this much? Weird...and I see topless guys all the time in this dormitory. Then again, when I do see them they're usually acting like weird hooligans so there's not much to feel nervous about.

She prepared two cups of coffee for the two of them. Once she was done, she went ahead to Itaru and Chikage's room.

Upon entering, the whole room was much cleaner in comparison to when Chikage wasn't there. I guess he makes him clean up from time to time. Chikage's barely home half the time so this is still basically just Itaru's.

Izumi knocked on the door, which caught Itaru's attention, who was busy tapping away at his computer. He immediately smiled at her when he looked over. "Hey there, director." He greeted.

"Hey, here's the coffee. Should I leave it here...?"

Itaru shook his head. "Please place it over here." He gestured to the small table near him. "Oh, alright."

She went and carefully put down the coffee on the table, but accidentally she knocked it over to Itaru's socket extensions.

"Crap!" She screamed, however it was too late. She heard a loud sound, which was none other than Itaru's PC shutting down very suddenly. "Wh- Fuck!" Itaru shouted in frustration.

He turned and met her eyes, his face seemingly bearing many emotions, as if he wanted to be angry but couldn't. Izumi was speechless - she wanted to speak and say sorry, but was at shock too. "Move away from there, you could get electrocuted." Itaru told Izumi, to which she immediately obliged.

"I - Itaru..." She squeaked. Crap, I'm so guilty and scared, is he gonna get angry at me? I want to cry...

Itaru opened his mouth, which made Izumi wince. Oh my gosh he's angry--

He suddenly burst into laughter. Izumi was confused, but laughed along nervously.

"You look so cute. Are you scared? Of me?" Itaru asked with a chuckle. Izumi's cheeks tinted red. "W - I was scared -- I mean, I thought you were gonna be angry at me! I'm sorry - I didn't break anything, did I?"

Itaru smiled in a seemingly amused manner. He leaned and rested his cheek on his palm. "Weeell, other than my magnificent combo and my extension, possibly, not much got broken. So don't worry, okay?" He said and chuckled. Izumi heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god, I was so worried."

He tilted his head and smirked. "Oh, what are you getting all relieved for? You broke my extension, you know? How am I getting all my daily tasks done now?"

Izumi's eyes widened. "Ah, um, uh--well, I..." Wait, do I have an extra extension in my room...? No, I don't, what would I need extensions for anyway? Should I ask the other guys...it's too late, like literally. I can't just barge into their rooms in the dead of night. Oh crap...

"Well, how are you planning to make up for this?" Itaru asked, still smirking. "Um, uh...for starters, please stop staring at me!" Izumi looked away, her face burning red.

Itaru laughed again. "Why? Can't think straight?"

"Anyone wouldn't be able to when you're staring at them like that!"

"Like what?"

Stop asking, I don't know why too. She thought and shook her head. "Just, stop, please, I'm trying my best here..."

Itaru laughed and leaned back to his gaming chair. "Hmm, well, if you're having that hard of a time, I could suggest an idea for you."

Izumi's eyes widened. She leaned in interest. "Please tell me! I'll do anything, even give up some expensive curry spices I have!"

He chuckled at her once again. "Lol, what would I need curry spices for? Silly."

"T-then what? I can't think of anything better than that. I could buy you a new extension tomorrow too!"

"Yeah, but the fact that I broke my consistent log-ins and daily task completions due to our sweet director's clumsiness will never be erased, right? Some of them got to my clothes too. As an adult, you have to take responsibility to the fullest."

Izumi shyly nodded. "Right..."

"But," He suddenly held her hand. "you did make me that coffee, so I'm not that mad and you don't have to do anything," He smiled genuinely at her. "Thank you for the coffee, Izumi. It's a shame I can't drink it now, not with the risk of getting electrocuted anyway."

Izumi giggled a little. "Don't drink from the floor regardless!"

Itaru laughed along, "Oh, but it's your special coffee. I have to make sure it doesn't go to waste."

The pair laughed together. "But I still feel bad, Itaru. I barged into your room and spilled coffee on you and your extension. I bet your game was hard too!"

Itaru rested his cheek on his palm. "Hmm, yeah, but it's no big deal. I can do it some other time, as well as those other games I had to do tonight too."

"Wait, there were others you needed to log into as well? Crap, I'm so sorry!"

Itaru laughed again. "Come on, it's okay."

"Please? I'll do anything! At all!"

"Really?" His smile had faded.

Izumi nodded. "Yeah!"

He turned a little bit to the left and sighed. "Hah, you're honestly so clumsy. You can't just throw around those words, especially with a guy."

Izumi was a bit confused. "Huh...? What do you mean by that? I'm an adult, so I have to take resp--"

He leaned close to her, to the point that his face was just a few inches away from her. "Anything...?"

Izumi could hear his heartbeat. He probably could hear hers too. "I- Itaru-?"

He suddenly broke into a smile and leaned back. "See? You can't just say 'anything' when others could use that to their malicious advantage. It's alright, just go back to your room-"

Without a moment's hesitation, Izumi leaned to his chair and gave Itaru a kiss.

It was a soft lock at first, but soon Itaru ducked his tongue into hers, and their tongues were all together and dancing in harmony as she fell and sat on his lap, her legs spread on his.

Izumi pulled away, revealing a confused and blushing Itaru.

"I- Izumi, why did you kiss me?"

She felt embarrassed, looking at the floor. "Um, well..."

He held her chin with his one hand and made her face him. "Look at me when you answer, please."

Her cheeks became even more red, seeing his pretty pink eyes made her heart beat even faster. "Err...I..."

Izumi's eyes landed on Itaru's soft lips, making her feel more embarrassed, her heart pounding more and more.

She felt something on her thigh, but before she could ask, Itaru spoke with a seemingly ragged voice, "You look so pretty right now, Izumi...you have to tell me, or else I won't be able to bring myself to stop."

He had sweat on his neck and some on his temple, his eyes were staring dead into hers. How could I answer him? I don't even know why myself...

So all she could reply was; "What's stopping you?"

                             V  - ! SMUT WARNING ! - V

Itaru sighed. "I'm going to make you tell me, you know?"

Before she could reply, he already went and kissed her, ducking his tongue in and kissing her deeply. She felt his warm hands come up her shirt, the calluses on it making it feel a bit more sensual. His long fingers reached to her bra and he unlatched them with ease.

Just how many times has he done this...I wonder.

He pulled away from her and pulled up her shirt, he took off his jersey and t-shirt right after. Izumi felt shy, and he may have noticed this, so he pulled her in and kissed her forehead. "If you want me to stop, just tell me, okay?" He whispered to her ear.

Itaru had always been a gentleman, even when he was being his usual geeky self, he always managed to be mature and kind at the same time. Izumi always, always noticed that...she always, always noticed him...

She felt his soft, wet kisses on the skin of her stomach, making her feel ticklish. "S-Stop kissing me there...it tickles..." She whispered, unable to construct a full sentence because of various reasons. Itaru chuckled, simply replying, "Okay then."

Itaru kissed her neck, her arms, her cheeks, his hands busy with her lower region. "Hey, do you have a...?" He asked Izumi, gesturing a box shape. Izumi blushed and shook her head no, "No! I've never thought I needed it..."

Itaru smiled and kissed her cheek. "You're so cute, Ms. Director. Don't worry, I've got some."

He took one out of his small drawer. "Y - You have it out in the open?!" Izumi asked in shock, to which Itaru laughed at. "Chikage put some there as a joke. He apparently got some for his...travels."

He began putting it on, so Izumi shyly looked away. She heard him chuckle, "I'm done."

Itaru leaned down on Izumi and kissed her passionately. How is he so good at kissing?

He soon placed himself on the middle of her legs and went inside of her.

"I - Itaru...," Izumi whispered, hugging his neck as he pressed deeper into her. "Izu...mi...," He replied in a ragged voice.

He went in and out of her, moans and groans spilled out of his mouth as he did. "D- Don't be so loud...," Izumi told him, holding his mouth. "The other guys would hear us...-"

Itaru suddenly thurst inside her, making her yelp. "Ahh!"

He held her mouth this time, shy as she felt his smile under her fingers. "Be quiet, Ms. Director."

They kept on and on, kissing and playing with each other...

"I - I'm coming-!"

before they knew it, it was already morning.

Itaru hugged Izumi's bare body the whole time after doing...that. Izumi woke up earlier than him, so she went and wore his jersey then plopped back into bed, snuggling into his arms. She stared at his fair complexion, his long eyelashes elegantly placed on his eyes. His dark blonde hair was strikingly pretty...If only your eyes were open right now, I could appreciate the whole set.

Just as Izumi thought of that, Itaru slowly opened his dark pink eyes. When they met her bright hazel ones, he immediately broke into a smile and supplied her with a gentle peck on the lips.

"Good morning, Izumi, do you want to go for some coffee?"

At that moment, everything Izumi felt finally made sense.

- end.

~~~~

that’s it, that’s the post. HSAHJDGJASGD yeah hello tumblr.

ANYWAY I hope u enjoyed my 1) first post on tumblr (and it’s a smut fanfic haha,,,) and 2) attempt to write a one-shot fanfiction about our dear otaku actor here! It was fun and kinda embarrassing but I hope u guys liked it anyway :D

I’m really sorry im so embarrassed pls be gentle with criticisms...

[imjeralee]

Wallflower: Chapter 10 - #raihansprincess, Part II

Raihan x F!Reader

Disclaimer: Do not own Pokemon

Note: This is my first Pokemon fanfic. I hope you enjoy it :) Originally posted on Archive of Our Own.

Summary: You’re an unassuming Pokemon breeder who works at the nursery in the Wild Area and he’s Raihan, the fearsome gym leader of Hammerlocke who has more than a million followers. You don’t want anything to do with him but he’s…persistent.

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Warnings: Lemon, smut, violence, language

#raihansprincess, PART II

...

...

It takes a while to leave the Glimwood Tangle because the Shiinotic had taken your brother deep within the depths of the forest, but once you find the exit, you see Opal seated down on a toadstool with a Drifloon and a Galarian Ponyta which you believe is Sugarplum, Glenn's remaining missing pokemon. Once she spots your group emerging, you head over to her side at once and Glenn happily reunites with Sugar. Drifloon floats over to you and you're surprised to see he has left the house but it looks like he wanted to make sure you were okay. Opal informs you that they didn't get very far because her hip was acting up and later they came across a lost Leon who had separated from Allister. Sonia then went with Leon and Opal returned to the entrance, and now the duo are somewhere inside the forest.

However, Sonia's phone is faring better than the rest of you lot because she's been able to send messages and photos to Opal, detailing the progress of their investigation. They've discovered the source of the mysterious white light - it's coming from mushrooms that had been dug up. Previously, and they were supposed to be glowing a bright, neon-red hue and now they've lost their colour and the Pokemon who lived in these mushrooms now have nowhere to go. These dying mushrooms have been found in large quantities all over the forest.

"It must be that douchebag." Glenn says, frowning somewhat. You have an inkling that Glenn is talking about the guy you and Raihan met earlier. Glenn adds, "I think his name started with an 'E'."

"Eli, perhaps?" Raihan utters, and Glenn nods wildly. "You mentioned he was digging up wishing stars?"

"Yeah."

You and Raihan exchange glances whilst Opal sighs under her breath. "I can speak to Chairman Rose about this. Don't you worry about a thing, my dears." She assures you. "I'll wait here for Leon and Sonia, too."

"...Me too." Allister mutters. "....I guess this is goodbye."

"Thanks for your help, Allister." Raihan says, grinning.

"....Thanks for allowing me to go with you." The gym leader replies shyly, throwing his glance to the ground.

"No problem."

Turning to Phantump, you see him staring intently at the gym leader so you smile and Phantump trills loudly. "Would you like to stay with Allister?" And Phantump nods and floats towards the boy who gazes at it intently, before he looks up at you. "Allister, do you mind looking after Phantump for me?"

He blinks. "....Huh?"

"I think Phantump would be happier if he stayed with you, so....please look after him."

Allister nods. "Okay."

"Thank you."

"......You're welcome."

Phantump returns to you and gently pecks you on the cheek; you can feel the roughness of the wood rubbing against your skin and you hug him tightly whilst he clings to you. In fact, tears begin forming in your eyes when Phantump floats over to Allister and settles on top of his head. "Take care, Phantump. Don't worry, we'll find your family, and we'll find out what happened to you."

Allister nods in agreement. "....I'll do everything I can."

"Thanks, Allister."

”Wait....Your Drifloon has something to say to you.”

”What?”

”It wants to say... ‘I’m sorry’.”

”Huh?” Turning to the balloon Pokemon, you say, “Aww, it’s okay, Driffie.”

With that, you leave Phantump under the care of the Stow-on-Side gym leader; it's great that Allister understands ghost pokemon and no doubt, he will look after Phantump with utmost care. After saying further farewells, Allister takes a seat beside Opal and Drifloon and Phantump exchange a few trills and wheezes and you believe they’re having a conversation.

Once that’s done, you leave with Raihan, Glenn and Drifloon. You throw a few concerned glances over your shoulder now and then. The entire time, Phantump waves. He is watching you, a little sadly, and you wonder if you'd done the right thing.

"Cheer up, sis." Glenn says, "You can always visit the little guy and he can always return to you whenever he wants."

You nod. "...I know."

"I'm sorry about the pokemon battle. I can only remember parts of it and the rest of it is hazy. It was seriously the most trippy thing ever though - it was like I was kinda conscious and dreaming at the same time. So strange...but Shiinotic didn't mean to harm anyone, it was scared."

You sigh audibly under your breath. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Yep, me too. Well, it's been grand, but I should really head to Johto now. Mum must be worried to death about me."

"Aren't you tired? We could tell mum you're fine and you could stay for the rest of the night."

"Nah, it's okay, I've been gone for too long and I'm not tired either; I should go asap."

"What about your pokemon?"

"We're good, don't worry about us."

"Oh, alright."

Glenn turns his attention to Raihan next. "Hey Raihan, I got a lot of questions, like how you met my sis and stuff - but I know she's in good hands. So, please look after her in my absence."

"I will." Raihan replies, grinning.

"Good man." Glenn says, patting the gym leader on the shoulder. Your brother is not as tall as Raihan; it's kind of comedic seeing him trying to reach him properly. On the other hand, you're also extremely glad that Glenn has taken a liking to Raihan so quickly.

"Perhaps we'll battle one day." Raihan suggests, and Glenn nods. "Before you go, mind if we take a selfie?"

"Sure!" Glenn exclaims, and your brother takes a quick snapshot with the dragon tamer. You're relieved to see that your brother and Raihan are getting along.

"And here's my League card." Raihan adds, digging into his pockets and brandishing a small card which Glenn accepts.

"Interesting pose." Your brother comments as he places it into his bag carefully.

"Ah, yeah."

"Well, I'm off!" Glenn yells; you watch somewhat despondently as Rotom, with what little strength he has left, calls the Corviknight taxi for your brother and when it arrives, you say your goodbyes again and he's gone.

It's just you and Raihan. What now?

Much to your embarrassment, your stomach grumbles ferociously and you're pretty sure Raihan heard. Ah yeah, you never had your lunch... Clutching your tummy, Raihan chuckles and says, "Wanna grab something to eat?"

You nod. "Can we order takeout?"

"Sure. What do you wanna eat?"

"Hmm..."

In the end, you decide to order takeout from Bob's Your Uncle; you've not had a Bob's Burger for a while so upon accessing their website, you check out the menu and you both agree to buy something to share considering their portion sizes can be pretty big. With the order placed, you go to the pokemon centre to heal your pokemon team first.

Inside, Drifloon clings to you as Nurse Joy heals up your pokemon whilst Raihan attracts some unnecessary attention - you watch as he's quickly surrounded by a bunch of young women and you can't help but feel slightly out of place as he smiles and waves at them all and then looks at your direction and your gazes meet. You can only give him an awkward smile in return and a thumbs up; as he dishes out autographs and takes pictures with the fans, you head over to the PC and deposit Whimsicott, Starmie and Togekiss into a box, then look at the icons of your Haxorus and Salamence. To reduce the number of dragon Pokemon in your team, you were reluctant to use them in battle but you believe it's time to take them out now. Adding them to your party, you wonder if Raihan has an Axew or Bagon yet. It would be a nice surprise...

When you're finished, Raihan also departs from his fans. They all stare when Raihan makes his way towards you and you know they're wondering who you are and who you might be to the dragon tamer - you're too afraid to hold Raihan's hand or do anything else with him in public so you quickly leave with him by your side. What is this feeling? It's so strange...

Once you're home, your house pokemon greet you and Raihan spots Goomy and Dreepy; he greets them happily and you can't help but smile. Meanwhile, Drifloon floats off to the window, obviously upset with Phantump’s departure. You hope he will cheer up soon.

According to the app, your takeout will arrive in half an hour and this is Raihan's second time in your house albeit he has more time to look around your home; however, you and Raihan also have some time to finally be alone together. You get the idea he's thinking the same because you're in the kitchen fixing some drinks for the both of you when you hear him approaching from behind. Before you can turn round, he slips his arms around your shoulders and pulls you into his chest.

"Hey..." He murmurs, leaning down to nuzzle the side of your head before he begins nipping on the shell of your ear affectionately.

You smile, closing your eyes and placing your hands over his as he kisses your temple. "What's up?"

"How’re you feeling?"

"I'm okay." You mutter; when he stops kissing you, you manage to turn to face him and your eyes meet. "It's been a crazy day."

"It's never a dull moment with you." He utters; you briefly recall yourself thinking the same a while ago.

"Yeah, gotta admit...we've had quite a lot of adventures recently." You add, and Raihan chuckles. "Thanks for being there for me."

He grins. "Anything for you, princess." Leaning forwards, he pecks you on the lips briefly and when you break apart, your gazes linger before he closes the gap between you once more and your lips meet. You let out a soft moan from the back of your throat as he steals your breath away and he releases you so you can face him properly; Raihan scoops you in his arms and lifts you up to sit on one of your kitchen counters.

With your adjusted height, you cup his jaw as he leans forwards again, your lips pressing together gently. Your eyelids flutter to a close as you relish the feel of his mouth over yours, kissing you heatedly. He ensures every inch of your lips are pressed and nibbled on, which makes you giggle when you both break apart for some air; your eyes meet for a split second before he swoops on you again - you slip your arms around his neck and moan helplessly against him, melting thoroughly into his embrace as he ravishes you with his mouth.

He holds you tight with his arms wrapped around you securely, your chest firmly pressed against his. “Bedroom?” He suggests.

”Bedroom.” You reply, nodding.

...

A week later.

It's been a while since Raihan has been summoned to see the Chairman at Rose Tower; it's normally not for a good reason, that's for sure. Raihan exits the elevator and he passes a few Macro Cosmos employees who greet him politely. He greets them back with a smile as he jovially makes his way over, passing some Magnezone and Durants with their trainers. Once he's at Rose's penthouse, the door whooshes open for him and he sees Rose standing at the floor-to-ceiling window, looking outside whilst Oleana bows her head.

"Good afternoon, Mr Raihan. Thank you for coming, would you like a drink?" Oleana enquires, holding up a bottle of red wine in her arms.

"No thanks, Oleana."

"Very well." The secretary mutters as she returns the wine bottle over the table, her expression blank yet stoic, "Please, have a seat."

She gestures to the large, black leather sofa beside Rose's desk and he plops himself down; Rose's penthouse is beautiful with modern furnishings and top-notch interior design. Before he can marvel his surroundings any longer however, the Chairman turns round abruptly and begins strolling towards them. "Hello, Raihan."

"Hey, Chairman Rose."

"Do you know why I've asked to see you today?"

"Nope."

"Here, take a look at this." Chairman Rose mutters, taking the seat opposite him and reaching for the wine bottle and empty glass on the coffee table in front of them; he promptly pours himself a glass. "Oleana, show him."

"Yes, sir." Oleana wordlessly strides over to the gym leader and hands Raihan her tablet before returning to Rose's side, hands clasped together as she stands. Raihan looks at the screen where a website called 'THE GROOKEY TRUTH' shows several articles ranging from 'Watch now: Hiker's Escape Rope Epic Fail' and 'Is the World Coming to an End?' to an article that says:

"Dating rumours of Hammerlocke's beloved gym leader has been circulating online once more. The rumours began when a photo uploaded by the Chatot Daily Times that showed the dragon tamer with an unidentified female was quickly and quietly taken down. Fans have quickly come to address this mysterious girl as ‘Raihan’s princess’. Just recently, another photo of Raihan with the same girl has been uploaded on Froakit, the front page of the internet.

While some fans have shown willingness to be supportive if the rumours turn out to be true, other fans have been angry and are demanding an explanation. The netizen who uploaded the photo claimed that the duo looked quite close. T he dragon tamer has recently suffered a string of losses to gym challengers hence fans are concerned that he is taking his responsibilities less seriously due to the distraction."

"This article was published this morning. It really isn't my business who you're dating, Raihan," Rose mutters, swirling the wine inside his glass gently using his hand, "But this isn’t the first time and you need to understand that you're endorsed by the League and through your contract with us, you've received many sponsorships. Therefore, anything negative that could harm your reputation could affect us all too. I don't know how else to put this but...I'll use Leon as a prime example here; as Champion, he cannot afford to let anyone down. He has a wonderful, altruistic personality and most importantly, a sense of responsibility. He has many fans - young, old, male, female - and he's very aware of how he should act in public and how others would perceive him so he's very careful, even if it means he has to grin and bear with the crippling pressure that he faces everyday. So we've decided - to avoid backlash, we're going to deny these rumours and mention that we'll take legal action against those who spread false misinformation."

"Wait." Raihan glances at the tablet again, then gazes at Rose, "No, I can deal with this. I want to confirm the rumours."

...

Meanwhile.

In the department store, you look at the price tags of the sets in your hands and ponder to yourself; hm, which one would Raihan prefer? In one hand, you're holding a lacy red bra and panty set and the other is a sleek, satin black. They're both the same price. You cannot decide which one to buy for the life of you so you dump both into your basket and move on, until a white bra set catches your eye and you grab that too, just in case.

Here you are, buying sexy lingerie to wear for the next time you and Raihan are in bed. You can't help but blush as you contemplate that to yourself, clutching your basket tightly in hand. Now that you're with Raihan, things have become more exciting and fulfilling than ever before: you also want to focus on yourself so you've decided to do some shopping in Wyndon. Along the way, you want to buy Raihan a nice gift so you get him a poketoy bundle that is exclusive for dragon pokemon. It's been a while since you went shopping - especially for yourself - but recently you really want to spoil yourself so you've also purchased a half-day spa package. Pricey as hell, but hopefully worth it when you come out of it as a completely refreshed woman (or so you hope).

You've asked your friend to go and she mentions to you that she can make herself free as long as you tell her what day you want to in advance, so you both spent oodles of time going over the calendar and when you agree on a date, you book the package and she requests a day off work. You're meeting her in the cafe before you hit the spa so that's when you'll break the news to her - you will tell her that you're seeing Raihan and you will also ask her if she wants to go on a date with Leon. You wonder how she'll react. After you buy your lingerie and stuff it into an eco-friendly bag, you make your way to the cafe where you see her waiting for you in the corner.

"Hey." She waves for you and you grin and head over.

"Hey! I'm so glad you're here; I feel like I haven't seen you forever!" You gush.

"I know.”

"I miss you so much!”

"Me too!" She exclaims. You both exchange a hug; you feel she's in a better mood compared to the last time you saw her as she grabs her purse, ready to leave her seat. "So, what do you wanna drink?"

"I'll treat you."

"But you treated me last time."

"It's fine, it's on me. What do you want? Black coffee, no sugar?"

"Ehh, I actually kinda want their Milcery mint mocha for a change. They have millefeuille today too."

"Right, got it." You put down your bags and head to the counter where you order the drinks and your food. The cafe is slightly busy today but fortunately the wait is not too long. Once it's ready, you grab the tray with the hot drinks - you got the mocha and fluffy layered cake, and you've ordered an affogato and Swirlix tiramisu - and because you want to spoil yourself, you buy a red velvet cupcake too - and you return to the table, balancing the full tray in your hands.

"Mm, looks yummy." She says, "Thanks."

"No problem. Thanks for being able to come out today." You help her lift the mocha off the tray and nudge it near her side on the table whilst you do the same for your drink and cake.

She sighs, grabbing the napkin and unfolding it. "I need a break, so all good."

"How's work?"

"Shite," She moans, "It's absolute shite."

You purse your lips. "Is it not getting better?"

"It's not really getting better or anything, but I just feel like my soul is slowly being sucked out of my body."

"You're doing something you don't enjoy, that's why."

"Yeah, I think so too. Even though the pay's good and so is the commission.... that's the only good thing about it, I guess."

"Have you thought about what you want to do?"

Your friend looks glumly at her cup as she holds it in her hands. "Not really. Never mind, let's not talk about work anymore. I can't wait for the spa."

"Same. Did you look at the spa menu?"

"Yeah, and I looked at the reviews. It's a pretty high-end place."

"I wanted to go for the best." You reply; you both taste your coffee and discover that it's really good. "Oh yeah, I need to tell you something. Well, more like ask."

"What?"

"....Do you wanna... go on a date with the Champion of Galar, Leon?"

Your friend looks at you blankly for a few seconds, before she goes, "Wut?"

"I was going to work one day and I saw Opal outside - she's the gym leader of Ballonlea - and she asked if I knew anyone who was single; she wants to set Leon with someone, and I thought about you."

Your friend's eyes widen at once before she splutters, "Wait, WHAT?"

"But only if you want to."

She looks visibly nervous, fidgeting in her seat. "What the...where is...where is this coming from? Why? This is so random!!!"

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, but I think he's a great guy."

"Well, why didn't she ask you?"

"She did, but I - " You pause somewhat, before you utter out, "I'm seeing someone already: Raihan."

Her eyes bulge once more. "WHAT?" Leaning forwards in her chair, she grabs your hand. "Oh my Shaymin, what! You are? Wait, I knew it! You know Raihan posted up a selfie of himself with your brother the other day, right??? I was like when did Raihan meet your brother??? When did this happen?? When were you going to tell me this???" She exclaims; she sounds happy for you, which makes you feel better inwardly considering you weren't sure how she would react.

"Well...We just started going out."

She stuffs her knuckles into the mouth, and emits a squeal with glee. "That is so cute! I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks..." You leave your sentence trailing, chuckling. "So...do you wanna go on a date with Leon? I know you have a thing for men with long hair - or was it men in tights?"

Your friend clams up again and you're pretty sure you see her cheeks going slightly pink. You recall that your friend attempted to become Champion a long time ago and gave up after losing several times. Leon is champion and has been since the tender age of ten...so, you suppose there's somekind of common ground there but you don't want to mention this to her, of course. Wait! What if being around Leon makes your friend think about her forgotten, destroyed childhood dreams???! Or maybe you're thinking too much now? You quickly bat those thoughts away and say with a smile, "He's a really friendly guy, I'm sure you guys will get along."

"...What if he's not interested? What if he doesn't like me?"

"He won’t." You reply; however, she drops her smile, looking visibly troubled. Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned this to her...

However, much to your surprise, she nods. "Okay, I guess there's no harm, and it's always good to meet more people."

"Exactly! I'll tell Opal the good news." You add, before you quickly type a message to the gym leader.

Once you finish messaging Opal, you continue catching up. There’s a lot to share - you tell her that Raihan had a crazed stalker, you went camping with him, he gave you a Goomy and a Dreepy, he helped catch a Galarian Ponyta which you gave to your brother. Speaking about Glenn, you tell her that he went missing in the woods near your home and you had to battle him because he got mind-controlled by a Shiinotic but you lost and Raihan paid; the prize money was a lot, almost equivalent to the price of a vitamin. Then you also found Phantump’s dead body and now he’s with Allister.

”Bloody hell.” Your friend says, in response to all this.

You even tell her that Raihan keeps calling you princess.

”Well, from what you’ve told me, he certainly treats you like one.”

She has a good point, although the pet name has stuck since that online article was released.

The coffee's really good, so you and your friend end up ordering two more each along with some more cake and then depart to the spa. With three coffees in your system and a whole lot of sugar, you're pretty jittery inside. After you finish up in the spa, it's getting late and you both leave the establishment feeling relaxed and refreshed and in an elevated mood. You had opted for a full, relaxing seaweed bath, facial and body massage and now your neck, shoulders, back and arms feels rid of many cricks and stiff joints and your skin is super smooth and shiny.

"That foot massage really hit the spot." Your friend comments, "That Mr. Mime is good with his hands - " Pause. "Fuck, that sounded so wrong! You get what I meant though, right???"

You snort with laughter as she squawks helplessly. "Yeah."

She curses loudly anyway, before she opens her phone to check any messages; her eyes widen and she turns to you. "Um, I think you should see this."

"What is it?"

"Look." She hands you her phone and you see that she's brought up Raihan's social media page. You can see the selfie he took with your brother which he ended up posting onto his account along with a new post; selecting it, you see that the post is a massive wall of text and there's more than a thousand comments on it. Your friend says, "He's confirming that he's dating. Aww, look at what he's written. It's so sweet."

You wonder what's triggered this but when you read his post, he doesn't disclose your name or any other information about you, other than his girlfriend is really important to him, he enjoys spending his free time with her and he really cares about her. You feel your heart thudding harder, your cheeks warming. He also mentions that it won't stop him from training or working harder as Hammerlocke gym leader - in fact, it's inspired him to work harder - so his fans shouldn't be worried.

You sigh under your breath as you hand her the phone. "Sorry, I think I should head back now."

"That's okay." Your friend says with a smile. "I had fun today. Let's hang out again soon."

"Sure. Maybe next time we could go on a double date or something." You reply, and she laughs. “Tell me how the date goes.”

”Yeah, yeah, okay.”

You both split up - she makes her way to the train station and you scoop out your phone. You should go see him.  You quickly call him and you wonder if he'll be able to pick up but then -

"Hey, princess." He sounds cheerful as always.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you right now?"

"At the stadium."

"I'll come over."

"Okay."

After you hang up, you call the taxi to take you to Hammerlocke.

...

Raihan waits for his girlfriend.

There hasn't been any scheduled matches today which was a nice change of pace, but it doesn't mean he gets to slack off. His entire day was full of training with his pokemon; he's been devising various battle strategies and tactics so next time, a victory will be guaranteed. He's been so absorbed with work that he hasn't even looked at his phone much and it’s getting hot, so he sits cross-legged in the middle of the pitch with a pen and notebook in hand. He removes his hoodie and sweatband, leaving them folded on the soft grass by his side.

He wonders when she'll get here when suddenly someone pounces on his back and a pair of arms wrap around him; she kisses him on the cheek and nuzzles his neck and he chuckles. "Hey."

"Hey." She says, before she gives him a tight, affectionate squeeze and nibbles the shell of his ear.

"Are you okay?"

"Yep!! I had three coffees, that's all."

In that case, she should have coffee more often.

"C'mere." Raihan tries to be careful with her - he peels her off his back and into his arms, bringing her into his lap where he aggressively attacks her neck and face with kisses and playfully nips at her skin. She giggles, clinging onto him as he ravages her. Pulling away for a split second, he leans forwards again to take a whiff of her hair. "Mm. You smell good."

"I went to the spa with my friend today..." His girlfriend wriggles in his grip to sit up and he keeps her perched in his lap; cupping her face, he takes one good look at her - cute as always, yep, and this time, she is positively glowing... the spa has done her some good; throwing his glance to the side, he also notices the numerous shopping bags she's brought with her. "I got you something."

He lets go of her as she reaches over and accidentally knocks over a bag where he can see this red lacy bra inside.

"Whoa! You weren't supposed to see that! Not yet anyway..." She exclaims and he chuckles; she quickly seizes it and moves it behind another bag and away from his eyes, but he's seen it all already. She grabs another bag, fishes out a rather large bundle from inside which she hands to him. It's a poketoy set specifically for an assortment of pokemon types ranging from dragon to ground.

Grinning, he says, "Thanks," and promptly opens it, lifting out a feathery toy which he uses to tickle her nose with. She scrunches up her face in response and he laughs at her expression.

"It's also got this incense that relaxes dragon-type pokemon." She explains, rubbing at her nose.

"It's great, I'm sure the guys will love it." He murmurs, before he puts the toy down, slides his arms around her waist as she sits up properly, glancing around again before she spots his hoodie and puts it on. It's so huge on her tiny frame that she completely disappears inside it and the sleeves are so long, they dangle off her arms; Raihan watches her silently; she's never worn his clothes before and he has to admit, it's a bit hot. To complete the outfit, he takes his headband that he's left lying over the grass and carefully eases it over her head. It's obviously too big for her; it keeps dropping over her eyes.

She pushes the headband up over her forehead and holds it there. "I saw the post," She says next, voice laced with concern, "What happened?"

He shrugs casually as he reaches for her free hand, pulling the sleeve of his hoodie up to reveal her fingers; he carefully slides his thumb into the base of her tiny palm and rubs her thoroughly; she watches him tentatively before she closes her fingers over his hand in return and holds his hand gently in hers. He says, "There were rumours going round saying I was dating; fans were worried that I was getting distracted and not taking my responsibilities seriously enough."

"Am I?" She asks, "...Am I distracting you?"

He cracks a grin, chuckling as she opens his hand and begins using her fingertip to trace the lines in his large palm. Her hand is so small and fragile compared to his but her fingertips are quite rough. She's used to hard work. "Nope." He mutters, scooping her fingers with his and rubbing them with his thumb.

"I'm sorry that happened, you don't deserve it."

"S'okay."

"I saw the comments too, a lot of them weren't nice."

He shrugs when she mentions his haters. "I'm used to it." Using his other hand, he pats her affectionately on the head, smoothing her hair down and stroking the side of her cheek, "Don't worry about me. It'll take more than that to get me down."

She pouts, but then smiles. "Okay, that's good. I’m glad. If it ever gets too much, we could always go somewhere else - maybe to Johto or Hoenn. I heard people have their own secret bases there."

"I could ask Kabu."

"Great."

”...Rose wanted to deny the rumours. I didn’t want that. It’s not fair on you.” He replies and she brings his hand to her chest, clutching him tightly. ”It’ll be okay. You don’t need to be a part in any of this.” He knows she enjoys her privacy, so he won’t ask her to be in any videos or photos.

“It’s not like it’s a big secret anyway - your cheerleaders know we’re together. And I think it's the other way round. I mean, you distract me a lot when I'm at work - I'm always thinking about you."

Raihan hesitates, raises a brow, before he grins once more and lets go of her hand to encircle his arms around her waist, pulling her even closer. She's being very bold today - first, she took him by surprise and also took the initiative; second, she clearly bought some sexy lingerie for the next time they would be in bed together, and now she is saying this. She delivers it in such a straightforward, blunt manner, he's not quite sure if he heard her properly but he did. He feels he should reward her so he leans in close, their noses touching.

"...Is that so?" He mutters, with his lips mere millimetres from hers. He slides one hand down from her waist to her ass, caressing her, and she blushes.

"Mm-hm, I'm always thinking about the stuff you do to me when we're together."

"Such as?"

She pulls his headband away from her eyes, lets go of his shoulders to cup his face, stroking the sturdy outline of his jaw and cheek with her thumb and their gazes meet. She tilts her head to the side and he leans in further, finally getting the chance to press his lips against hers. He gently massages her mouth with his, holding her tightly in his arms and pulling her firmly against him whilst she drapes her arms around his neck.

When they pull away, she smiles and says, "I'll leave that to your imagination."

...

[twisted-lies]

hi kokichi! id appreciate a kin match up! i’m adding this after i’ve written the whole thing, and it turned out a lot longer than i’d plan. if this is too much for you let me know and i’ll shorten it as needed! thanks for running this blog, and i hope your day - evening - night is going wonderfully.

i have a light and cheerful personality. i’m also shy, so i mainly speak when spoken to. ive had the same group of friends for as long as i can remember. i can’t say we’ve gotten so close we know everything about each other anything like that, but when i’m with them it’s just a comfortable place i can relax. my position in the group would be the ‘baby’ of the group. i don’t really like being called a baby, but i can’t think of a better term for that haha. but, everyone in the group is very nice to me. i get a lot of physical affection from everyone there, and they’ll buy me pretty much anything. of course, i’ll attempt to return the favor when i can. but not having much money myself, i’ll usually make them something. i’m messy with most things, so it doesn’t turn out as good as i’d like it most the time but they still seem to appreciate it.

outside of that group, i consider myself pretty friendly. i invite girls i think would have fun with us to join our group outings, as well as people i think just need a friend. it isn’t uncommon for me to get denied though, and i’ll continue trying unless they told me to stop asking all together. besides that, i get overwhelmed in social situations easily if im not the one leading them. i can also be really emotional, i don’t handle yelling well and failure of doing anything is really overwhelming for me. i find crying in front of other embarrassing, but it’s not uncommon for me to do that.

i have pretty negative sides to me though. i can occasionally be kind of manipulative and spoiled. i love getting gifts, it makes me feel like someone really cares about me. i keep every gift i get and i kind of hoard them. but, if there’s something i’ve had my eye on for a while that’s where i can be manipulative. most people would do anything for me if i act nice to them or smile at them, sometimes people feel bad after seeing me cry. as a result they’ll usually buy me a gift out of pity, appreciation, even sometimes just to get me away from them. of course, i appreciate these gifts all the same but every time i look at them i feel guilty. this is usually when i’ll take what money i have and buy them something i know they will enjoy. while the usual reaction is feeling guilty i will admit i’ve kept some pretty expensive gifts while not doing anything in return.

as first impressions, people mostly see me as child like and emotional. the emotional part is pretty true. i cry easily, especially when i fail something or can’t meet my own expectations. the hardest things for me to deal with are goodbyes. even if it’s just someone moving a town over i get really close and attached to them the second i hear they’ll be leaving soon. every time someones left, it’s been pretty abrupt. i’ve been told it’s probably because they don’t want me to be sad, or they don’t wanna see me cry. but it just hurts more. sure i’ll cry, but at least i’ll get too legitimately say good bye. even if i barely know someone, everyone is pretty fine with being affectionate with me. some people treat me more like some cat than an actual person, which can make me uncomfortable sometimes. the most extreme case is being pulled onto the lap of someone i just met, in a diner no less. it was embarrassing, and i’m sure it looked ridiculous. while i’m very short myself, sitting on top someone whose only a few inches taller than me probably looks awkward. i put a fair amount of effort into my appearance, usually going for a ‘cute’ loook above anything else. this usually includes big hoodies with thigh highs or a cardigan and a skirt. people have told me i have delicate features, but i’m still confused if they meant it as a insult or compliment. for now my goal is to improve myself, i understand that i won’t always make the best choices and that i’m not that good of a person sometimes. so i’ll work hard to be a better friend to those i know and welcome people who may be lonely.

as for my interests, i enjoy technology. that’s vague, but what i mean is everything i do usually happens on the internet. i have my phone on me at all times, and sometimes i’ll digitally doodle and stuff like that. id like to make an app one day, maybe an app that’ll help people like me. i’m kind of a scatter brain so an app to help people stay organized would be great. i know there are many like that out there but i would like to make a unique one. i also like building PCS, they’re expensive though. i’ll make/help someone make them if they bought all the parts for it. basically, anything to do with tech i’ll love. i also play in band, percussion to be specific. i also collect things such as old knickknacks, but that’s mainly because it’s a family tradition. i also learned how to clean fragile things like that. i’m unsure on whether or not this will help you, i’m an INFP when it comes to MTBI personality types.

wehh, this ended up so long im sorry about that.

I kin assign you with...

Kokichi Ouma

Firstly I thought of Kokichi Ouma, Kokichi is usually presents himself as cheerful and happy infront of the others. He probably has the same friend group for a while basically like DICE. His appearance was made to look more like an innocent like child or in your case "baby" If he's with the right people he could probably get a lot of affection, which is something he overall just craves as well. He probably could also buy you something if you ask him, most likely not just doing it out of the blue. He tries to make friends sometimes and ends up getting denied easily though, Shuichi being an example towards the very end of the game. Though of course he didn't really stop trying until after the 4th trial I believe. He could probably get caught off guard if he isn't the one starting a conversation which could overwhelm him, but he won't show you that. He usually ends up crying when yelled at even if it's crocodile tears, he could also just over exaggerate it so you don't know if it's real or fake. He definitely has a manipulative side, using his innocent looking looks to his advantage to try and get what he wants, which he usually can end up succeeding. He can definitely be seen as child-like as well. If someone he knows is leaving he'll probably do his best to spend time with them before they do leave.

Chihiro Fujisaki

Secondly I thought of Chihiro, Chihiro is definitely a sweet and cheerful person. Though they can be pretty anxious at times. They'd probably tend to stick to people they know just so they'd have some sense of comfort. Theu definitely would be called baby by their friends and they'd probably buy them a few things. Chihiro obviously doing their best to give what they can back to them. Even if it was something after they cried. They'd probably also give Chihiro a lot of affection to make sure they know their loved. They're pretty friendly and if they build up enough courage they'll probably talk or invite someone to hang out with them. Chihiro can get overwhelmed easily and especially in social situations. They're pretty emotional too and can't really handle being yelled at and probably get upset over their failures. Chihiro doesn't exactly like crying infront of others though it's not uncommon for them. Chihiro can definitely be seen as child-like and emotional and probably can't handle goodbyes very well. Chihiro loves anything to do with technology! Whether it be coding or just straight up making something all together if they're able too.

Ibuki Mioda

Lastly I thought of Ibuki Mioda, Ibuki is definitely more of a cheerful or happy person she'll like to stick to people she knows, but will definitely branch out and try to be friends with anyone she thinks need it. She'll also be pretty persistent about it untill she's told to straight up just stop. She probably recieves a lot of affection and gives a lot in return. Whenever someone gives her something she'll do her best to return the gesture with a small gift or something she makes up on the spot. Though some of her attempts can come out pretty messy. She definitely can be seen as child-like as well due to small outbursts she may get. Ibuki will hate staying goodbye to people and will get clingy or really affectionate and probably be upset for a while once they actually leave. She probably also takes a good amount of time into her appearance due to multiple piercings and her hair. She also loves music and will do pretty much anything she can that will revolve around it. She's also probably a hoarder of things.

I hope you're satisfied with your results!

You don't have to worry about it being long, I've had multiple about this length or longer so it wasn't a problem! I hope you have a good rest of your day, evening, or night as well!

[nickburn]

Things I Enjoyed in 2020 Despite Everything

Seasons Greetings! This year has felt like an eternity for so many reasons, and before it’s over, I’d like to take a look back on the distractions that got me through it. Along the way, I’ll occasionally point out where I was emotionally at the time and whether I got into a particular thing before or after the pandemic hit in mid March. I hope you enjoy this little retrospective of some of my experience during one of the worst years of human history!

Games & Mods

Might & Magic VI: The Mandate of Heaven

When I was making my 2020 resolutions list late last year, one of my goals was to play more old games in my backlog and not buy many new games this year. That goal largely went on hold, because, well, I sought out enjoyment wherever I could find it instead of forcing myself to play one thing or another. But before Covid, I was really enjoying my new playthrough of M&M6. I’d made attempts at it before, but it was really GrayFace’s mod that made the game click for me. Modern features like quick saves and mouselook make the game much more accessible, and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to try an old-school RPG. It’s a great stepping stone into a mostly-dead genre. I’m hoping to get back to it soon. I just jumped ship to simpler ventures like Doom Eternal after the pandemic hit and haven’t looked back since.

Pathologic 2

I learned about the Pathologic series late last year and have since become a little obsessed with it. Hbomberguy’s lengthy video essay on the original game really intrigued me and lead me to trying the sequel/remake in April via Xbox Game Pass. In a weird way, it was cathartic to be a doctor in an even more dire situation than our current one and still see signs of the townsfolk trying to help each other deal with a supernatural plague and little help from their local government. The game helped me express a lot of what I was feeling at the time, when I was still getting used to working from home and wondering just how long this could go on for. I’ve gone back to it recently, and I’m hoping to finish it someday, if I can find a way to stop dying. Above all, Pathologic 2 teaches you how to make choices in no-win scenarios with little information or resources and still persevere, despite the world going to Hell around you. And that’s maybe the most important thing to practice at the moment.

Overwatch

I’ve continued to look forward to weekly Overwatch nights with my friends every Thursday, and it’s really important to have something like that right now. Even if it’s just a new episode of a show airing, a new video from a favorite YouTuber, or a regular Zoom call with coworkers, it helps so much to have something to anticipate from week to week and month to month. Otherwise, it’s really easy to feel like nothing’s going on besides the entropic deterioration of the universe. Overwatch itself helps with this, because it’s such a positive, bright, and optimistic game, as only Blizzard can create. And it’s improved a ton in the past couple of years, in a lot of ways. If you haven’t played in a while, hop in and check out all the new content with your friends; I think you’ll have a great time. It’s looking more and more like Overwatch 2 is right around the corner, and I’m very much looking forward to it.

Go

I learned how to play Go after watching a documentary released this year about  AlphaGo, the computer that beat the Go world champion, and I have a huge appreciation for the game now. I think it’s even more beautiful than chess, though even more insidious to learn. If you haven’t played before, start with a 9x9 board, teach yourself the basics, and try playing with another beginner friend. I guarantee you’ll be amazed at the amount of strategy and imagination that a game ostensibly about placing black and white stones on a grid can inspire. Go’s one of several new hobbies I’ve picked up this year, and those new hobbies have really helped me pass the time in a way that feels productive as well as take my mind off whatever depressing news just got blasted across Twitter.

Doom 64

Doom Eternal was fine, but Doom 64′s where my heart lies. The PC port on Steam is great, allowing everyone to easily play the game with mouse and keyboard. Its levels are tight and colorful, often asking the player to backtrack multiple times through the same areas to unlock new ones and take on whatever new twists await down each darkened corridor. It’s a surprisingly fresh experience. Unlike many modern Doom mods that strive to be sprawling marathons, 64′s levels are short but memorable, and the game is a great entry point to the series for newcomers because of that. Retro FPS’s continue to inspire and entertain me, and Doom 64 is one of my new favorites.

Golf With Your Friends

I’m not usually that into party games, but Golf With Your Friends strikes the right balance between casual tone and skill-based gameplay. The maps are vibrant and devious, the different modes are creative and often hilarious, and the pacing is near-perfect. If you’ve got a squad itching to play something together for a few nights, I guarantee you’ll have a lot of laughs trying to knock an opponent off the course or turning them into an acorn just as they’re about to attempt a nasty jump.

Quake 1 Mods

I probably sound like a broken record by now to a lot of you, but I won’t rest until I get more people into retro FPS’s. The outdated graphics and simple gameplay can be off-putting at first, but it doesn’t take long at all to get hooked after you’ve played the likes of excellent mods like Ancient Aliens for Doom 2 or Arcane Dimensions for Quake 1. And it’s only getting better, with this year marking probably the best year for Quake releases ever. The industry even seems to be taking notice again, with many talented mappers getting picked up for highly-anticipated, professional indie projects like Graven and Prodeus. And while the marketing around the retro FPS renaissance as the second coming of “boomer shooters” should be much maligned, the actual craft involved in making mods and brand new games in the genre has never been stronger. I even contributed four levels to the cause this year, but you’ll have to play them yourself to decide if they’re any good: https://www.quaddicted.com/reviews/?filtered=burnham.

Streets of Rage 4

I had not tried Steam Remote Play before this year, but it works surprisingly well if you have a decent internet connection. Because of Remote Play, I was able to complete Streets of Rage 4 with my friends, and it was very close to the experiences I had as a kid playing brawlers like Turtles in Time on the Super Nintendo. The game is just hard enough to make you sweat during the boss fights but just easy enough that the average group of gamers can complete it in a night or two, which is ideal for adults with not a lot of free time.

Hard Lads

Hard Lads is a pure delight of a game by Robert Yang about the beauty of a viral video from 2015 called “British lads hit each other with chair,” which is even more ridiculous than it sounds. It made me smile and laugh for a good half hour, and I think it’ll do the same for you.

Commander MtG

The Commander format for Magic: the Gathering is one of my favorite things, and in 2020, I dug into it more than any other year. More so even than playing or watching it being played, I created decklists for hours and hours, dreaming up new, creative strategies for winning games or just surprising my imaginary opponents. I sincerely believe this little ritual of finding a new legendary creature to build around and spending a few days crafting a brew for it got me through the majority of this summer. I didn’t have a lot of creative energy this year, but I was able to channel the little I did have into this hobby. Especially during the longer, more frustrating or depressing days at work when I had nothing else to do or just needed a break, I could often dive back into card databases and lose myself in the process of picking exactly the cards that best expressed what I wanted to do for any given deck. And it’s nice to know I can always fall back on that.

Yu-Gi-Oh!

I played a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! growing up but never had the cards or the skill to be particularly good at it. I just knew I enjoyed the game and the 4Kids show, but I quickly them behind when I got to high school. Fast forward to 2020, and the game and franchise have evolved substantially, not always for the better. But I do find it so intriguing, with a skeptical kind of adoration. It’s not nearly as well-supported as Magic, but what it does have are gigantic anime monsters on tiny cards with enough lines of text to make your head spin. And it’s so interesting to me that a franchise like that can continue to thrive alongside more elegant games like the Pokemon TCG and Hearthstone. And the further I’ve delved into how the game has changed since I stopped playing, the more invested I’ve become, going so far as to start buying cards again and looking into possible decks I might enjoy playing. An unequivocal win for Yu-Gi-Oh! is Speed Duel, which seeks to bring old players back to the game with a watered-down, nostalgia-laden format with fewer mechanics and a much smaller card pool. So if all you want to do is pit a Blue Eyes White Dragon against a Dark Magician, that’s 100% still there for you, but the competitive scene is still alive, well, and astoundingly complicated. And I think that’s kind of beautiful.

Black Mesa

I wasn’t expecting to have the tech to play Half Life: Alyx this year, so Black Mesa seemed like the next best thing. And it really is a love letter to the first game, even if it’s far from perfect. I even prefer the original, but I did very much enjoy my time with this modern reimagining. If you’ve never played a Half Life game before, I think it’s a great place to start.

VR via the Oculus Quest

Around halfway through this year, I started to get really stir crazy and yeah, pretty depressed. It seemed like I’d be stuck in the same boring cycle forever, and I know for a lot of people, it still feels like that. So VR seemed like the perfect escape from this dubious reality where you can’t even take a safe vacation trip anymore. And you know, I think it works really well for that purpose. The Oculus Quest is especially effective, doing away with cords or cables so you have as much freedom as you have free real estate in your home. I don’t have a lot of space in my studio apartment, but I have enough to see the potential of the medium, which is completely worth it. Next gen consoles are neat and all, but I’ve got my heart set on picking up the Quest 2 as soon as possible.

* Beat Saber

I was most looking forward to trying Beat Saber on the Quest, and I was not disappointed. You’d think rhythm games had reached their peak with Rock Band and DDR, but the genre keeps on giving with gems like this. It’s hard to convey if you’ve never tried it, but the game succeeds so well in getting your entire body into the rhythm of whatever song you’re slashing through.

* Half Life: Alyx

Again, I really did not expect to be able to experience this game as intended this year, and I still don’t think I really have. The Oculus Link for the Quest is admittedly a little janky, and my PC barely meets the minimum specs to even run the game. And yet, despite that, Alyx is one of my top three games of 2020 and maybe one of my all-time favorites. Even as I was losing frames and feeling the game struggle to keep up with all the AI Combine soldiers running around, I was still having a blast. For me, it is one of the best reasons to seek out and own VR and a pinnacle of game design in its own right.

Hades

For me, Hades has mostly been similar to every other Supergiant Game that I’ve played: fun and well-polished but ultimately not engaging enough to play for very long. And there’s always this sheen of trying to be too clever with their dialogue, narration, and music that rubs me the wrong way. But Hades is certainly their best game, and I can’t deny the effect it’s had on people, much like Bastion’s reception back in 2011. And I’m really hoping Hades gets more people into roguelikes, as a more accessible and story-driven approach to the genre. Timing-wise, I wish it hadn’t come out around the same time as Spelunky, because I think it did make some people choose one over the other, when the best choice is to play both and realize they’re going for very different experiences. The precise, unforgiving, arcade-like style of Spelunky isn’t fun for everyone, though, and Hades is thankfully there to fill in that gap. I’m really glad I found more time to play it this year at least to succeed on one escape attempt; it’s a fun game to think about in a game design context. And I do think the game has a lot of merit and is doing some clever things with difficulty that the studio likely could not have honed nearly so well without the help of Early Access. The most impressive part of the game to me is not the story or the music or the combat but the massive amount of contextual dialogue they somehow found time to program, write, and record at a consistently high level. All of this is just to say, Hades is obviously one of the best games of the year, and you should play it if you have any interest in it at all.

Spelunky 2

I’ve spoken a lot about this game on Twitter, so I’m not going to rehash much of that here. For me, it’s been a journey of over 1,000 attempts to learn the intricacies and secrets of a deep and demanding game that’s been as frustrating as it’s been rewarding. But it remains a constant source of learning and discovery as well as mastery and pride for me, and I still have hopes of reaching the Cosmic Ocean and getting all the trophies someday. It’s been a joy to watch other Spelunky players too, even as some fair worse than me and others fair far better. And the Daily challenge keeps me coming back, because seeing my name high up on the leaderboard just makes me feel so damn good (or at least I’ll get a good laugh out of a hilarious death). At its heart, Spelunky is a community endeavor, and I think it succeeds at that better than almost any other game this side of Dark Souls. I think it is my Game of the Year or at least tied with Alyx, I really can’t decide. If you don’t think you’d enjoy it, all I’ll say is, the frustration and difficulty are integral to the experience of discovery and surprise, and your brain is better at video games than you think.

Chess

Okay, yes, I watched and enjoyed The Queen’s Gambit, but I think 2020 had already primed people to get into chess this year regardless. Like Yu-Gi-Oh!, chess was a childhood pastime of mine that I really enjoyed and then quickly left behind as I discovered things like music and the internet. If I had to assign a theme to my 2020, it would be rediscovering old hobbies to remind myself how good life actually is. And now I’m more committed to chess than I ever was before. I’m watching international masters and grand masters on YouTube (as well as the incomparable Northernlion), I’m playing regularly on Chess.com, and I’m even paying for lessons and probably my own theory books soon. Like most fighting games, chess is a complicated form of dueling a single opponent with zero randomness, so mistakes are always on you. And modern chess platforms offer extremely good analysis tools, showing you exactly how, when, and why you screwed up so you can do better next time. Like Hearthstone, it’s a quick, addicting, tense, and rewarding way to train your brain and have fun. And it seems more popular now than ever, in part due to a certain Netflix original TV show...

TV

The Queen’s Gambit

I think a lot of people want to be Beth Harmon, even if they know they shouldn’t. It must feel so good to be the best at something and know you’re the best, even while under the influence of certain substances. It’s what makes characters like Dr. Gregory House so fun to watch, though you’d never want to work with the guy. For me, anyway, I always wanted to be a prodigy at something, and what little success I’ve had made The Queen’s Gambit very relatable to me. More so, it’s easy to relate to growing up in a conservative environment with few real friends and fewer outlets of expression, only to realize you’ve finally found your thing, and that no one can take it from you. That’s mostly what I’m going to take from The Queen’s Gambit anyway, more than chess or the Cold War commentary or the problematic relationships Beth has with her cadre of rivals/boyfriends. The show gets a strong recommendation from me for fans of chess as well as lovers of optimistic coming-of-age stories.

March Comes in Like a Lion

Similarly, March Comes in Like a Lion features a protagonist who is scarily close to a version of myself from like eight years ago. My best friend has been urging me to watch this show for years, and I’m still only a few episodes in. But I love how it portrays a young person who’s moved to a big city away from home for the first time, with nothing more than some meager possessions and the hopes of becoming the best in the world at something. And Rei is not confident in himself or outgoing at all, he’s extremely depressed despite pursuing his dreams and trying to distance himself from his somewhat toxic family. It’s a great reminder that the smallest kindnesses can often change our entire perspective on the world, and that even the people that seem the most well-equipped to handle life often still need help. I’ve been very fortunate to have people like that despite mistakes I’ve made, and I hope to be that person for others too.

Umbrella Academy

I’m pretty burnt out on superheroes, but UA put a good enough spin on them that they felt brand new. The show is rough in places, but it’s surprising in some really clever ways. And the comics are some of the wildest stories I’ve ever read, like Hitchhiker’s Guide meets Watchmen.

HunterXHunter

I binged about 100 of the 148 episodes of HxH this year, which I recognize is not a significant number in the wider world of long-running shounen anime, but it’s quite an undertaking for me to finish a show of this length. The series goes places I never expected and made me care so strongly for characters I thought I’d hate at first. It’s the smartest and most endearing show about a band of misfits going on crazy adventures and punching people for the good of the world that you’re likely to find.

Hannibal

This is the rare show that’s simultaneously comforting and nightmare-inducing if watched for extended periods. I can remember nights after binging a few episodes where I couldn’t get many of the disturbing images out of my head. Fair to say, Hannibal is not for the faint of heart, nor is it without some low points. But for those who enjoy gory thrillers or gritty detective dramas, it’s a must-watch. 

Yu-Gi-Oh! Original Series, English Sub

You can probably imagine my surprise as I discovered this year that the Japanese version of the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime is not only much better than the 4Kids version we got in the States, but it’s actually a decent show. The plot makes much more sense, it’s more interesting, the stakes are higher, the voices are better, and overall it’s just more enjoyable to watch. I don’t know if I’ll stick with it long enough to finish it this time, but this is definitely the way I’d do it and would recommend to others.

Fargo Season 4

It’s a miracle we even got another season of Fargo this year, let alone on time and of the same high quality as the first two seasons. It has a great setting, cast, and conflict. I love Chris Rock, and it was so cool to see him act so well in such a serious role. There’s a Wizard of Oz homage episode that is nearly flawless. And the post-credits scene at the end of the season is just the cherry on top. If you haven’t checked out Fargo by now, you are really missing out on some of the most interesting stuff happening in TV. I can’t wait to see what Noah Hawley does with the Alien franchise.

Movies

Cats

I had to include this one because it was the last full movie I saw in theaters before the pandemic hit. I technically went to Sonic too, but my friends and I walked out after about 30 minutes. The less said about that movie, the better. Cats, though, is a strange and curious beast (pun intended), adapting an already unruly animal (pun intended) to the big screen and yowling to be recognized (pun intended). But for every awkward or embarrassing scene, there’s one of pure joy and magic, like the extended ballet sequence or Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat. The film knows exactly what it is and leans into it hard, like a familiar yet slightly insane feline begging to be stroked, which I imagine is exactly what fans of the musical wanted.

Children of Men

There’s not much I can say about this film that probably hasn’t been said better elsewhere. I was intrigued to watch it when I learned it was one of my friend’s favorite movies. And I have to say, it’s really profound in a prescient way. Clive Owen gives one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. You should watch it, but only when you feel like taking a severe hit to the feels.

Basic Instinct

Vertigo is probably still my favorite film, so when I learned this year that Paul Verhoeven made a bloody, sex romp homage film to it in the 90s with Michael Douglas starring, I simply had to watch it. And you know, it’s not bad. It’s nowhere near as good as Vertigo, and you can see the ending coming a mile away. But what it does have is the immaculate Sharon Stone, who you cannot take your eyes off for the entire movie. And the movie knows it, making her look as alluring and suggestive as her character is to the detective investigating her. You could do worse than to watch it, just don’t expect any of Hitchcock’s subtlety or looming dread to seep into the final product.

Books

Dune

I finally finished Dune this year, and I can genuinely say it lives up to the hype. It’s not the easiest book to get through, but it’s by no means one of the most difficult either. I’m still bummed that the new film was delayed, but it might give me time to read the rest of the original book series.

The Fifth Season

Another fantastic piece of fiction, I cannot recommend this book enough. N.K. Jemisin is one of the best living authors of our time. If you want an original setting with a brilliant magic system and complex, compelling characters, look no further.

Video Content

Northernlion

I’ve been a fan of NL for years, though I’ve never been that into The Binding of Isaac. He just has a charismatic intelligence to him that sets him apart from most “Let’s Play” YouTubers to me, and he’s very funny to boot. I guess I’d say he seems a lot like me or the person I could picture myself being if I were a professional video content creator. So I was really excited for NL’s series of Spelunky 2 videos, and I still watch them every day, months later. And now he’s teaching me how to get better at chess, being a good 600 ELO higher than myself at the moment. His sarcastic and improv-laden banter have withstood the test of years and gave me some much-needed comfort and laughter in 2020. Somehow, the man even found a way to keep up his prolific output this year while raising his firstborn child. There are those who said it couldn’t be done...

The Command Zone - Game Knights

Josh Lee Kwai and the rest of the crew at The Command Zone continue to put out some of the most well-produced tabletop gameplay videos on the internet. It’s perhaps no surprise, seeing as how Lee Kwai created trailers for such blockbuster films as Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and Jimmy Wong had a supporting role in the live action remake of Disney’s Mulan. But the crew around the two hosts are just as important and talented, and it’s clear that they all share the same singular vision for the channel’s future. They’ve carefully crafted a team of expert editors, animators, cosplayers, and voice actors to deliver one delightful video after the next at a consistently high level. If you’re into Magic: the Gathering at all, you simply need to watch Game Knights.

Cimoooooooo

I found Alex Cimo’s channel shortly after the algorithm learned I was interested in Yu-Gi-Oh! again, and at first, I was less than impressed with him. But it’s clear to me now that he not only loves what he does, he’s an expert Yu-Gi-Oh! player and analyst. Plus, he’s very good at explaining some of the more complex concepts in the game in a way that newcomers can understand. I’ve watched every new episode of The Progression Series and The History of Yu-Gi-Oh! so far, and they’re the best way I’ve found to learn how the game developed and changed over the last 20 years.

Team APS

This is another great Yu-Gi-Oh! channel, focusing more on skits, gimmick videos, and casual games rather than analytical or theoretical content. Mostly, they seem like a really great group of friends that just have a blast playing Yu-Gi-Oh! together, and their love for the game makes me want to play more too.

Tolarian Community College

Somehow, a community college English professor’s channel went from a quirky little deckbox review platform to the most popular Magic: the Gathering channel on YouTube in only a few years. But it’s easy to see why when Brian clearly loves what he’s doing more than most people ever will. He’s not only a fantastic reviewer and MtG scholar, he’s one of the most outspoken voices for positive change in the community and the game. Is he too hard on the Magic team at Wizards of the Coast? Perhaps, but without his measured and well-reasoned takes on all things Magic, I think we’d be much worse off.

IRL

Cooking

Even I get tired of eating the same things every day, so I’ve taken it upon myself to learn how to make more dishes, mostly out of sheer boredom. And I know I’m not alone in that, but I have to say it’s been a rewarding and fun adventure. It’s really surprising what you can throw together with a decent recipe and a little creativity in a modest kitchen when you decide to break away from the microwave for once.

Chinchillin’

Like many people, I felt that I needed a pet to survive this year, and I’ve always wanted a chinchilla. So I took a risk and bought one from a seller on KSL a few months ago, and my life has definitely changed for the better. No longer simply alone with my thoughts all day, I have a furry little companion to commune and bond with. And it’s more difficult to find time to feel sorry for myself when a basically helpless tiny creature depends on me for almost everything. Not to say it’s been a perfect experience however, people don’t say chins are difficult to care for for nothing. And I have learned more about them than perhaps I ever cared to know before, but that’s only made them more interesting to me as a result. Overall, I would recommend them as pets, just be prepared to give them a lot more time and attention than you would to say, a fish or a hamster. I’ve seen the commitment compared to that of a large dog, and I think that’s fair, though chins seem far more difficult to train and are far less cuddly. Basically, imagine a fluffy, super fast squirrel that can jump half your height, shed its fur at will if grabbed too tightly, that sleeps all day and bathes in dust, and that cannot get wet or too hot or eat 99% of human foods without serious complications. And they get lonely, and they all have their own surprisingly distinct personalities, some shy and mischievous, others bright and social, and everything in between. But I’m glad to be part of my little buddy’s life and hope to make it a long and enjoyable one for him. Part of why I wanted a chinchilla so badly is they typically live between 10-20 years, much longer than the average rodent or even many cats and dogs. And they’re sadly endangered in the wild, poached for their incredibly soft fur, which is why I believe it’s critical that we care for and learn more about them now. And above all, I adore my chinchilla’s antics, even when he continually tries to dig up and eat the paper bedding below his cage when I’ve provided perfectly edible hay and pellets for him in much easier to reach locations.

And that’s all, folks...

If you’ve read this far, know that I really appreciate it and hope you learned something new about yourself, art, or the world. And please do let me know what’s kept you going the most this year too, as I suspect I’ll still be searching for new distractions next year, even after I’m able to get a Covid vaccine injection. As Red Green would say, we’re all in this together, and I’m pullin’ for ya. <3

[perfeggso]

Noir (yutae) 

Week I pt. 1

Tokyo – fall of 1983: Nakamoto Yuta is quickly rising in the ranks of one of Japan’s most notorious yakuza families, and he’s poised to climb even further if he can stop himself from being ruined by the pretty Korean boy who’s shown up out of nowhere. 

Chapter 1  |  Chapter 2  |  Chapter 3  |  Chapter 4  |  Chapter 5  |  Chapter 6  |  Chapter 7  |  Chapter 8  | Masterlist 

Glossary of Japanese words 

Characters: Yuta x Taeyong + NCT ensemble, Twice J-line (for funsies) 

Genres: Gang!AU, angst, smut, fluff, 1980s!AU

Warnings: graphic violence, swearing, minor character death, alcohol use, mentions of drugs, period-typical homophobia, xenophobia, BDSM 

Rating: 18+

Length: 1.7k (will progressively get way longer) 

Yuta was easily recognizable.  He was of about average stature, but that was the first and last thing about him that could be described as “average.”  Yuta reckoned that anyone living or working in the areas in and around Ueno Park and Akihabara could describe him to the police if they felt like it, but they all knew better, didn’t they?  He had a striking face, which others often remarked could have landed him in an idol group in another life.  He kept his hair in an undercut which swept over his head suggesting ever so faintly the shape of a mullet, but he would never call it that.  Mullets were for Mötley Crüe, not for men of taste.  Although he kept the bottom of the haircut in its original black, the long part was died white – an aesthetic choice that Yuta not only liked but which also made him feel nearly invincible in its destruction of his anonymity.    

Yuta was freshly 24, a prodigy of sorts in his own world of the Inagawa-kai family, where he had been promoted to Shategashira lieutenant last year and was now the commander of a small gaijin and zainichi unit operating in Shitamachi.  There was gossip that his position was due only to his relationship with Oyabun Hirai Goro’s daughter, but he knew better than that which was all that mattered.

It was late October and a crisp evening as Yuta weaved his way down Chūō Avenue.  He drew plenty of looks: of fearful recognition but also of admiration from certain young women.  Not one for subtlety, he wore a double-breasted dark blue snakeskin suit and a jumble of rings and piercings.  A scar transversing his right eyebrow and the tendrils of tattoos reaching out from his sleeves and collar confirmed his connection to the underworld for anyone who saw him, but that was alright if it gave Yuta some space to walk in the crowd.

He took a right into an arcade where Mark was sitting absently behind a yellow desk and flipping through the pages of the latest Young Magazine installment of Akira .  When he saw Yuta, he immediately straightened to attention.

“Good evening Shategashira!”

“At ease,” Yuta said casually, “how’s business today?”

Mark went back to slouching over his comic and shrugged as Yuta surveyed the room.

“Average,” hazarded Mark, “I’ve been hearing the machines in back pretty consistently my whole shift and Jungwoo’s still somewhere fixing shit and trying to get people to buy computers.”  

Yuta rapped his knuckles against the desk.  “Having any luck?”

Mark shrugged again.  “Why don’t you ask him?”

Yuta withdrew from the desk with a performative huff and straightened his jacket.  Sometimes he wondered if he should be less familiar with his subordinates, but he couldn’t imagine acting strict like some other lieutenants; he liked most of his men too much to be anything but personable.  So as usual, Mark’s cautious sass went unacknowledged.

Yuta made his way to the back of the low-ceilinged white room. The walls were lined with cubbies full of manga, tech and porn magazines, and cassettes; string lights; mirrors; Nintendo arcade games; and in the center of the space, you could peruse tables of PC’s in various states of disuse alongside Mazinger Z figurines.  Jungwoo had stationed himself in the middle of the clutter, fiddling with the hard drive of an ’82 Apple.  

“Jungwoo!”

“Shategashira!”

“At ease.”    

“This just came today!” remarked Jungwoo, referring to the computer.  “The computing power on this thing is off the charts!  A shame I have to fuck with it.”

“A necessary sacrifice,” said Yuta, not giving a damn about the technical side of this business since he couldn’t begin to understand it.  “How many have you sold?”

“Seven today,” said Jungwoo, sinking into a chair with his whole weight and pushing at his cuticles with the end of a screwdriver, “so that’s 225,000 yen, give or take.  I can get the books if you want.”

Yuta smiled, catlike.  “No, that’s alright.  Good work.  Although I’m confident you can do better still.”

Jungwoo stood again sharply.  “I assure you I can, Shategashira !”

“Good.”

In reality this was not a bad amount of revenue for the day so far.  The Inagawa-kai paid the property and business taxes on the building to shore up favor with the local government but didn’t technically own it.  The real owners covered all other expenses and utilities, meaning the Inagawa people ultimately could keep more of their profits than the average business owners, and this setup wouldn’t change because the landlords knew the local precinct had Inagawa’s back and that Yuta – or if not him, someone else – would not hesitate to pull a katana on them if they suddenly took issue with the arrangement.

No, thought Yuta, this is good.  Jungwoo was selling near his quota, and with the viruses he had installed, many of the unsuspecting customers would eventually be bringing their devices back for costly repairs.

Yuta looked at the unassuming door behind Jungwoo.

“Johnny in there?” he asked.

Jungwoo nodded curtly in response and Yuta passed him to open the door, stepping into the windowless back room.  Smoke hit Yuta instantly, warming his lungs along with the stinging scent of hard liquor.  The room may have been devoid of natural light, but it did have plenty of colorful artificial illumination: a wall of well-populated pachinko machines making brassy noises so loud Yuta could have sworn they were coming from inside his skull.  Each machine was a hypnotizing box of glowing neon, flashing lightbulbs, and shiny silver balls clacking in a perverse rhythm with the players’ chorus of disappointed groans and victorious whoops.  The men at the pachinko machines were all around middle age, smoking their heads off and depressing the shit out of Yuta.

Yuta swept his gaze over the rest of the room; the weathered purple booths on the other wall, the checkerboard tile on the floor, the mildewy walls; until he landed on Johnny.  He was in the bar in the back, under a dusty glass chandelier, smoking with a young woman seemingly attached to the front of his mahogany suit.

Johnny didn’t notice Yuta until he was a few paces away, and Yuta sensed a flicker of disappointment on Johnny’s face when he did look up, although Yuta couldn’t reproach him for that and he did well to hide it.

“Ah, Shategashira ,” Johnny greeted languidly, and Yuta acknowledged him back with a nod of his head.  Johnny was a few months older than Yuta, so he could afford to be more casual with his superior.  The only reason Johnny didn’t have Yuta’s position was that he indulged too much in life’s vices and wanted to keep it that way.

“Can we speak somewhere a bit quieter?” Yuta asked, and Johnny nodded, whispering something to his companion before leading Yuta out the back doorway into an alley.  Yuta breathed the crisp autumn air in once outside, a relief from the stuffiness of the pachinko bar.  Yuta reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of cigarettes and a lighter, smoking to match Johnny and giving Johnny time to get situated next to him against the wall.  Yuta had to look up to speak since Johnny was a good bit taller than him and when he did, Johnny’s face was sharper than usual in the shadows of twilight.  Yuta took a long drag of his cigarette.  

“So,” said Johnny, “you know when yet?”

“A month and a half from today,” said Yuta, “gives us enough time to finish preparing, I think.”

Johnny nodded, grinding the burnt-out end of his cigarette into the brick behind him.  “Good.  Can you relay the details?  What do I need to do?”        

“You and I and the other Sokaiya members will be going into the Mitsubishi executive offices with the goal of getting 130,000,000 yen and the right to ship arms and drugs to our Triad allies in Hong Kong disguised alongside the company’s car and electronics exports.”

“Goro’s getting ambitious, huh?” Johnny figured aloud.

“Yes,” Yuta answered, “in return we’re offering our own men as indefinite security details for commerce in the South China Sea and for members of the executive board, personally.”

“Mercenaries and bodyguards, I see.”

“You could call it that.”  Yuta took another drag of his cigarette and let the smoke escape his mouth in a meandering cloud.  Once it dissipated, he said, “but as to your role, you’re in charge of gathering information on Sato Kenichi.  He runs Mitsubishi’s finances and although we’ve found ample evidence to use against the CEO and I’m still working on some leads for the VP – Miyazaki is his name – we need dirt on as many of the higher ups as possible.  They can’t refuse us or we’re dead.”

Johnny nodded, lighting himself another cigarette.  “Sato Kenichi.  Understood.  Any leads on the guy?”

“Yes, I have them here.”  Yuta pulled a small sealed folder out of the interior of his jacket and handed it to Johnny, who slipped it into one of his inner pockets without opening it.

“Thank you, Shategashira .”  

“Just do a good job,” said Yuta, adding, “please.”  Then he dropped his cigarette to the asphalt and ground it out with the heel of his boot.  “We have almost enough stock to make the shareholder’s meeting so that shouldn’t be a problem.  Also, the Triads are sending a group of emissaries to advise us on their priorities and join us at the meeting.  They should be here in a few weeks or so.  That is all.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go meet the princess for our joint birthday dinner. We decided to combine this year.”

Yuta and Johnny pushed themselves off the wall and exchanged conspiratorial smiles.

“Tell her I said omedetou ,” said Johnny, backing away to return to his post at the dingy Pachinko bar, pulling the packet on Sato Kenichi out of his pocket and passing it between his hands.  “I can’t wait to see what this Sato-san gets up to in his spare time.  These executive types are all extortionists and perverts.  And they call us the criminals.”

Yuta chuckled to himself.  It was ironic, wasn’t it?  He saluted Johnny and turned on his heel with a “work hard, please,” and that was that.  The sun was setting, hot pink.  He’d be late to meet Momo if he didn’t hurry, but this was important business after all.  A month and a half.  What could possibly go wrong in such a short time?  

[blackcatanna]

Phoenix Wright: Rise from the Ashes OPINIONS

Greetings, Tumblrinos! I have FINALLY aquired the original Ace Attorney trilogy on PC and have just finished the first game. I didn’t have any issues with the first four cases BUT I have a lot of UNANSWERED QUESTIONS about the fifth case, which was not in the original game. There were many things I loved about it (it gave me so much delicious evidence to play with) but I feel like its long, complicated plot had a few more HOLES than I like to see in a game all about finding contradictions and I have to SHOUT MY QUESTIONS/OPINIONS TO THE GREAT TUMBLR VOID so heeeeere we go! :D SPOILERS (duh)!!!

NUMBER ONE: WHY did Gant MURDER NEIL MARSHALL?!??!?

This is never addressed in the game, which I found very odd. This case is, I think, the longest in the main series and yet it ended SO SUDDENLY?!? Gant admitted how he killed Goodman to stop him reopening the case but he never gave a motive for killing poor Marshall AND SO I am left to speculate.

Of course, we know that Gant wanted to control the prosecuters and so it’s reasonable to think that he did it purely to frame Ema and thus get Lana under his thumb. However, he states that his motive for collecting evidence against Ema was simply “insurance” in case the case was examined too closely...? Is he lying? He might lie in order to distance himself from Lana and Goodman’s murder but then he goes and confesses anyway so why would he bother to do that?

Okay, so, murdering Neil worked out pretty well for Gant. He was promoted, Lana was promoted and he had leverage over Lana AND SO it looks like Gant purely wanted to frame Ema and that’s why he killed Neil. HOWEVER, this is still WEIRD AF. 

Okay, so, in order for this to be EVEN REMOTELY PLAUSIBLE, Gant would have to be on the extreme end of murderous psychopathy. To murder your colleague who’s UNCONSCIOUS is just... It’s insane behaviour. He killed Goodman because Goodman was a threat. Marshall was just... THERE. ALSO, he’s have to be a huge hypocrite! Gant says that he did everything because he hates criminals and wants to catch them, no matter what AND YET HE LIFTS UP AN UNCONSCIOUS MAN, IMPALES HIM ON A SWORD AND PATS HIMSELF ON THE BACK FOR CONVICTING DARKE?!?! AND HE SEES NO ISSUES HERE?!?! 

Furthermore, I don’t think that any of this was necessary to convict Darke. Lana seems to think so but it looks like Marshall and Gant had pretty much cracked Darke when he made a run for it. Lana wasn’t there for the interrogation. Not sure how relevant Darke is to Gant’s motivation but it’s interesting that it’s thrown into the MOTIVATION SOUP that we’re presented with.

Therefore, it appears that Gant killed Neil because he believed that it was for the greater good: by controlling both the police and the prosecutors, he would be able to ensure that those he deemed to be guilty would be punished. Fair enough. 

Okay, so, Gant and Lana are about to crack the case. Gant states that he’s already up for his dream job. If they succeed, Lana will be able to become Head Prosecutor. SO all that Gant needs is leverage over Lana. BUT SURELY, she already admires and respects him. They’ve been partners for years. They’ve cracked many cases together. They are the dream team! Pretty sure they even have a name in game like “Dynamic Duo” or something... “Legendary Duo”, thank you, Google. Presumably, Lana trusts Gant. He could give her forged evidence or omit things and she would most likely use it without ever knowing, much like Miles Edgeworth did. 

SO, if Gant hadn’t killed Neil and framed Ema/Darke, Lana would most likely still be Queen Prosecutor and would trust Gant. So, not only did he take a HUGE RISK killing Neil (MORE ON THAT LATER), he also jeopardised the valuable relationship of trust between himself and Lana, replacing it with BLACKMAIL. Perhaps, blackmail might seem like a more solid bond to someone as TWISTED as Gant BUT there are two problems with this blackmail.

FIRSTLY, there is the possibility that the person being blackmailed will SNAP. This doesn’t seem to be a huge risk with Lana. SECONDLY, this blackmail is based on LIES. It potentially becomes USELESS if someone figures out that Ema is not responsible so he’d have to believe that he’d left no traces (so I guess we can add HUBRIS to his list of character flaws). Oh, and this brings up another problem. In order to follow through on his threats to Lana, he’d have to admit that he covered up the truth in the first place! 

Okay, so I have decided that killing Neil didn’t accomplish that much of a REWARD for Gant so let’s look at the RISK. He PICKED UP an unconscious, fully grown man without disturbing the other two unconscious people in the room or Neil himself. The building was full of people for the award ceremony, presumably. To be fair, it took place in Gant’s office and so it’s unlikely that anyone else would walk in but the office had massive windows! 

Although unlikely, the possibilty of someone else witnessing Gant’s murder definitely existed. Furthermore, there was the more likely possibility of someone IN THE ROOM regaining consciousness and catching him in the act. Darke had hit his head, but Ema had merely fainted and I can’t believe that Marshall never regained consciousness while someone cut out a segment from his waistcoat, PICKED HIM UP and SKEWERED HIM ON A SPIKE. I mean, c’mon. Even if you agree that it’s possible that he didn’t get woken up by being impaled, how would Gant be so sure that this wouldn’t happen. 

The more I talk about this, the more questions I have but I MUST SAVE THEM FOR NOW. 

Okay, so Gant walks into the room, sees three unconscious people and thinks, “Gee! I could totally do a murder right now and frame one of these people, tee-hee. OMG if I make it look like Ema did it, Lana will TOTALLY have to do what I say, like, for EVER.” So, Gant does a murder and tries to cover it up but leaves A FRIGGIN’ HUGE OBVIOUS TRAIL BEHIND HIM THAT ANY IDIOT COULD SPOT, HOLY COW. IN FACT, WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT NOW. 

WHY DID NOBODY QUESTION THAT THERE WAS A SQUARE CUT OUT OF MARSHALL’S WAISTCOAT??! THIS IS SO OBVIOSLY HIDING EVIDENCE!!! LANA EVEN HAD A PHOTO OF HIM WITH THE SQUARE MISSING AND A PHOTO OF HIM TAKEN MINUTES BEFORE WITH AN INTACT WAISTCOAT!!! NOBODY THOUGHT TO POINT THIS OUT?!?!?

WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD MARSHALL WRITE EMA’S NAME ON THE WOBBLY VASE?!?! This particular piece of evidence didn’t come to light until the current trial but it’s just so stupid! Obviously, Ema didn’t try to kill Marshall. It was an accident. Why would Marshall think, “I must not let this demon child get away with this heinous crime!” and use his last strength to do this nonsense. Furthermore, HE WAS IMPALED ON A SWORD. HE COULDN’T HAVE REACHED THE VASE. HE WAS TOTALLY SKEWERED. 

Speaking of that ugly-ass vase, did none of this top notch investigation team try and piece it together? Presumably, they did. That would bring up the question of the missing piece. Gant, you idiot! No wonder all of the investigators were suspicious. 

I guess that Gant thought he was untouchable and could just shut anything down with his authority but he made such a mess of everything that he was caught out by many people and eventually had to resort to  the ol’ Stabby Stabby just to shut people up. Gant’s supposed to be this brilliant person but he just comes across as an idiot with a TERRIBLE personality. I feel like a lot of Ace Attorney villains slip up because they’re in positions of power and think that they’re untouchable but I think that this is the stupidest one I’ve encountered so far. 

Okay, so, ASTONISHINGLY, Gant’s plan works. He gets away with THE MURDER and now it’s time for some sweet, sweet blackmail... He tells Lana that Ema will be convicted of murder if the truth gets out. Wait, WHAT??!?! HOW!? IN WHAT UNIVERSE COULD EMA BE SEEN TO BE GUILTY OF MURDER. Manslaughter, perhaps but she was acting in self defense! She pushed a guy wielding a knife. I DO NOT BUY THIS AT ALL. It seems likely to me that Lana would still co-operate because she was afraid of letting Ema know that she was responsible for Neil’s death but that seems to me to be the extent of the hold he has over Lana. Lana claims to have sold her soul for this. Does she believe that it’s worth it to spare her sister from the truth? Perhaps.

SO, IN SUMMARY, in order for this to be any kind of plausible, Gant has to be EXTREMELY SOCIOPATHIC, HUBRISTIC, HYPOCRITICAL and brimming with, my favourite, UNFATHOMABLE STUPIDITY! The UNFATHOMABLE STUPIDITY is what I have the biggest problem with. He is supposed to be SMART and CAPABLE. So are the rest of the team assigned to the serial killer case. I just, ugh... It doesn’t make sense... 

NUMBER 2 (finally): WHERE’S THE BLOOD, BITCH?

Why is there so much blood by Lana’s desk in Gant’s office? Neil died on the other side of the room AND YET there is no trace of blood to be found there! I sprayed the HECK out of that suit of armour and there was NOTHING. If Neil was skewered there, he would, PRESUMABLY have bled A LOT. Also when they UN-SKEWERED HIM. In fact, we know that he was coughing up LOADS OF BLOOD while he was skewered, thanks to Lana’s photo. SO, WHY. IS. THERE. NO. BLOOD. THERE. Presumably, Gant had the office thoroughly cleaned in the TWO YEARS since the incident but, then, why can I still see blood in Lana’s half? And surely there would have been blood traces there two years ago when this, ALLEGEDLY, UBER-COMPETANT TEAM investigated? 

Number 3: WHY THE EVERLOVING FLYING FUCK did the police decide that Goodman had been MURDERED in the evidence room?!??!

What did the police find to lead them to believe that a murder had been committed?!? They had a video showing someone dressed like Goodman entering the evidence room, followed by that annoying af megaphone guy, who got beaten up, cut on the hand and knocked unconscious. THAT’S NOT A MURDER. NOBODY DIED. THERE WAS NOTHING TO INDICATE THAT A MURDER HAD TAKEN PLACE! WHY WOULD THEY REPORT IT AS A MURDER, LET ALONE GOODMAN’S MURDER!!?!? THIS MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!?! 

Furthermore, WHY WOULD THEY HAVE MEEKUMS DELIVER THE REPORT TO EDGEY BOY WHEN HE WAS THE ONE THEY SOMEHOW DECIDED WAS THE MURDERER?!?!? At the time, I thought that Gant sent Meekums or whatever his name was (cba to look it up because he was SO ANNOYING) because he knew that Edgeworth would ignore him because he was so annoying and he’d be able to make Edgeworth look bad in court later. But, seriously, what was even in that file? There was no murder!!! If Gant was trying to throw us off, why would he draw our attention to the evidence room and the two-year-old case?!? Whyyyyyyyy!?!?

Tbh, I have no explanation for any of this. IT DOES. NOT. COMPUTE. 

THING THE FOURTH: Why was Lana’s hand not bleeding in Angel’s photo?

Lana says that she cut her hand because she was shaking while stabbing Goodman’s corpse. YET, Angel’s photo VERY CLEARLY shows her without any injury. Angel ran down to the car park because she saw Lana stabbing Goodman. Therefore, by the time Angel took the photo, Lana must have already stabbed the guy. Also, Angel states that she saw Lana stab Goodman repeatedly and that she was wearing a muffler. So, the stabbity stabbity must have happened before the photo was taken. 

Question the Fifth: Who the Hell calls an exhaust pipe a “muffler”?!?!

Well, I just googled it and it’s something that reduces noise coming from the exhaust pipe. Yay learning!

Question the Sixth: Why did the cameras not catch Gant giving Goodman the old stabby stabby? 

Presumably, Gant erased the footage immediately after exiting the room but this was never addressed, for some reason. I guess it was already a long af case but I like details, dammit!

7: How did Gant clean up so quickly?!?

Bruce Goodman died of bloodloss. That’s A LOT of blood to clean up! He summoned Edgeworth to the room to collect the screwdriver only 20 minutes after he himself first entered the evidence room with Goodman. In those twenty minutes, he must have had the fight with Goodman, waited for him to stop bleeding, moved the body, stuffed it into Edgeworth’s trunk, found cleaning products, mopped up ALL THE BLOOD from a guy who DIED OF BLOODLOSS, hiden whatever it was that soaked up the blood (slorp), erased the video footage and somehow not got ANY BLOOD on himself and WASN’T SEEN by ANYONE stuffing a body into a car ON THE DAY OF DATA TRANSFERENCE!?!? HOW?!

8: Seriously, how many identical white detective coats are there?!?!

Marshall wears one to impersonate Goodman, Goodman is wearing one when he is MURDERED, Lana is wearing one in Angel’s photo and, weirdly, it has a bloodstain on it in the same place that Marshall’s one does. However, we can still see Marshall’s costume coat sticking out of his locker. WEIRD. 

SO YEAH

This concludes my list of puzzling things in this episode! There are probably more random things that I’ve forgotten but, in that case, they can’t be bugging me too much. What really IRKS me is the question of the “murder” in the evidence room and how UNFATHOMABLY STUPID everyone, especially Gant was 2 years ago. These two things just make the episode feel a bit incomplete to me. I admire the ambition of this episode but I feel like some things slipped through the cracks and left my brain aching for the wrong reasons.

[bloody-fists-beating-hearts]

It’s a Fallout76/Bethesda rant

Bethesda just released Fallout 1st, a horseshit pay-to-win subscription system for their absolute cum-bubble of a game, and while it’s getting the flack it deserves there are people already putting on their kneepads so they can gobble down Todd Howards entire turgid cock, and as someone who likes rpg’s way too much this irked me, so have a massive and barely coherent rant i took off the discord because why not.

I want to start off with this:  Every good thing about current fallout comes from the fanbase. The stories people tell, the headcanons, the fanfics, the art, everything fans do for it is made with more love, and more thought, than anything Bethesda’s writing and games design team has done in the last 10 years

Now first of all, I haven’t bought or played 76. People are gonna stop me right there and go ”well you haven’t bought it how would you know its bad!!” yeah, I’ve never eaten dog shit either but I can pretty well guess that I ain’t gonna fucking like it.

I knew the second he said "there are no npcs" with actual enthusiasm that this game was gonna be shit. And if you give me 2 seconds to gloat, I never bought the game and I knew this was gonna happen and I was RIGHT so suck my fat hairy nuts all those fanboys who pre-order things mindlessly just because there's a brand name attached to it. If there is anything you take from this its DO NOT PREORDER. BRAND LOYALTY IS FOR BOOMERS AND BOOTLICKERS. FOR FUCKS SAKE BE SMART WITH YOUR MONEY.

Games like this are fucking 80-90 dollars or more in Australia so I actually have to think about whether this momentary distraction is worth almost an entire days paycheck, and I’m still looking for employment which means I actually haven’t bought shit in a while (side note, anyone wants to commission me for 10 dollars I’ll draw damn near anything. God I need to make rent)

Every executive at Bethesda seems to be playing catch-up to EA's monetisation scheme. Beth has abandoned their model of single-player rpg's in favour of a "games as a service" model. Fallout 76 seems to me like its a weird experiment for just how far they can stretch this and still make money. It actually makes me wonder if they are 

 a) just completely unaware of fanbase response [no idea HOW]

b) are running into financial problems and are doing this out of desperation

 c) todd howard is still mad that obsidian made a better fallout than he ever could and he's doing this out of spite 

  Games as a whole has become much like the movie industry where publishers will throw big buckets of cash around to development teams, and those teams have CEO's and higher ups that throw lavish meet n greets and have nice fancy suits and cars and then treat their development teams like shit, overworking them to the point of exhaustion, because the product has to be on time for release dates that are scheduled to be the most profitable (christmas is a notable one). 

And those products are consistently bland, shitty, shallow experiences. Narrative cum-dumpsters that are purposefully made to toe the line as safely as possible, to be open to as wide as an audience as possible so they can make the most money, and Bethesda is a huge offender. Skyrim was fun, sure, but it was watered down to fuck, it had shitty dialogue, it had bland one-note characters, it had a simplified skill system. It was impossible to lose. Seriously, try and fail a fucking quest in skyrim, other than one or two, it's a hand-holder of an rpg, but it has a huge community of fans that put in monumental effort, for free, because they like the Elder Scrolls, and they like the world bethesda made. 

  Then Bethesda goes "hey, that watered down thing we made got huge! lets release it about 12 more fucking times, with some of the SAME bugs, with the SAME content, with the SAME limitations and Yes, we absolutely expect you to pay for it, again. Then they release the remastered edition which, to their credit, is free to anyone who already bought the legendary edition (on PC), and does actually have updated 64bit capability and some graphical enhancements (that aren't anywhere near what some goober in his basement cooked up in his spare time, but whatever). Then, seeing that Skyrim was so popular, with kids especially, and made money, they turn their sights to fallout 4, a game that was so anticipated that someone made a fake countdown and caused a small meltdown on tumblr/social media when it was revealed to be fake (i was part of that fiasco, i remember the hype, i was there goddamnit)

So Fallout, a franchise that literally has its theme as its FUCKING TAGLINE, an ADULT game that is equal parts crude, gory and humorous. A game that satirises the cold war era of american my-country-tis-of-thee blind loyalty and openly mocks the way war was idealised, and shows that not even the literal end of the world could either stop humanity's lust for blood or its desire for conquest. Games that showed you the growth of the world - from shady sands to the NCR, from the vault dweller to arroyo, shit actually happened in the games, the world didn't just stop turning when the bombs dropped. A game where you you become a porn star for fucks sake, and it's funny. 

So Bethesda sees that, makes something like it (fallout 3) which is good, but a little rough around the edges when you look at it too hard. But the way they suck you into the vault, the way they build a relationship with your dad and your way of life is immersive as fuck, so when you leave the place you actually feel like you're leaving something important, not just finishing the tutorial

then they outsource a Fallout game to obsidian, because hey, we saved your franchise by buying it off you, but if you can make an entire game in one year and get a metacritic score of 85 we'll even throw in a bonus. And fuck me sideways and in the ear, if the obsidian devs didn't work themselves harder than a 4-armed hooker. And they made a game that on release was a clusterfuck of bugs, because they were given an unrealistic time limit and missed the metacritic score by ONE POINT so bethesda goes "nhey heh sucks to suck" and fucks them off the franchise forever. EXCEPT (and I admit I'm biased here) the game is good. The game is actually really good when you remove those bugs, and people start forming attachments to it, and mentioning how bad fallout 3's writing is by extension. 

  So Todd and Co. in his infinite wisdom, decide that the only thing a fallout rpg needs is 50s aesthetic and fuck all else, and he releases a game so watered down it can't even be called an rpg. And its not. There are no skills. There are barely any dialogue checks. Instead of dialogue, Nate/Nora is a flat, samrish individual that is either "yes sir right away sir may i have another", "yes but i'm gonna make an unfunny quip about it" "this option pretends to say no but its gonna give you the quest marker anyway". 

The game drops any pretence of difficulty by giving you a deathclaw, a minigun and some power armour in the first 10 minutes, allowing you to effectively reach late-game power levels with some minor scavenging for ammo or cores. Then the game ropes you into some inter-faction war that realistically you wouldn't give a shit about, because some spud in a cowboy hat fucking deputizes you into a military general because you shot like 4 raiders from a rooftop (with a minigun. in power armour. making you nigh-invulnerable to bullets). You're sad about your son about 3 times the whole game and then you're on your merry way to mowing down humans left right and center without a care in the world. God fallout 4's writing is so stupid it gives me an aneurysm.

 Remember the part about resources wars and america only having the veneer of a strong country while riots, inflation, and resource shortages tore it apart from within? Bethesda doesn't, have an eerily stepford pastel coloured glimpse at a world that was totally fine, nothing wrong here, shame it got nuked oh well moving on

Your spouse? yeah you love them, they're said 2 whole sentences to you then they died, be sad because you totally loved them and it is totally sad that they are dead. Your weird play-dough son shaun, you love him so much, you even tickled him on the chin once, okay he's gone off you go to chase him - woah now, don't chase him too hard we have all these side quests for you to do! What would be the narrative reasoning for a supposedly distraught parent to fuck around boston instead of finding their goddamn child? fuck knows! just go pick up some goddamn wood and get to base building sonny-jim! 

Companions? yeah, they're fun, we gave them a romance questline and it's thus: if you pick enough locks and pass a minor charisma check maccready will be ready and willing to tell you about his sick child, and then he'll ride you like a stallion. Talk to him like, 4 times, and he will be your bosom buddy for life in about 3-5 days if you just pick locks like a fucking madman, because character growth is hard and counting beans is easy.

 Also your son is a part of the faction we were talking about! something about synths, remember that one questline from rivet city that barely anyone actually remembers and was an interesting time waster at best? Well get ready to do that same quest but about! 15! more! times! because we could not think of anything else to write about synthetically produced humans that assume peoples identities other than having them as a hamfisted metaphor for slavery. Why do they take over people's identies? Well because the institute needs them to aasdkfjdh kshshshsh t9oe of course. 

Speaking of hamfisted metaphors, here's the underground railroad, named after the underground railroad that actually mattered, except this time its the same thing but synths. They are so top secret that the only way to find them is to follow the only bright red line in a street that is exclusively green-brown otherwise, and then enter their super secret password, which is "password"

They are then, like every other faction, absolutely willing to trust you, at face value, no questions asked, because have to actually do something or require a skill check might make this hard for people under the age of 12 to play. Then you go do whatever fuckin shit you do, I stopped playing at this point, and then you find out your son is actually 60, you guys have a tearful, 10 sentence reunion, then he diesthe whole reason you were out here in the first place dies, and you react appropriately, which is to say you say his name really sadly, and then go back to mowing down raiders with reckless abandon

And then 76 gets released, bethesda drops all pretense of fallout still being an rpg. You want a story? Fuck you, pay up. Its retro future and thats all that makes falloutSatirizing war mongering? You can nuke things in this game and its totally fine, its actually the goal, because fallout has nukes in it right? Pay us 10 dollars and you get army olive drab spraypaint because hurrgh war is fun and great, wasnt that the tagline from the first game?The more i rant the more angry i am because people put their heart and soul into writing this. The lore and dialogue is actual work that someone researched and loved and felt proud of and now  it's becoming a hilariously meta parody of itself. 

Honestly FUCK bethesda and and fuck todd howard for his pisspoor cash grab. Not even worth calling it a video game anymore

[purplesurveys]

592

Let's start off with some basics. Cool, I haven’t started off a survey with basics in a while. What's your name? Robyn, but y’all who have stuck around for a while know that already. How old are you? 21. What's your hair and eye color? Hair’s black, eye color’s dark brown/black-ish. How tall are you? I’m pretty certain I’m 5′1. What's your relationship status? In one. Alright, enough of that. Let's move on to the random shit.

What's your favorite song? Uhhh at the moment it’s Sam Smith’s cover of Donna Summer’s I Feel Love. They did their own twist to it and it sounds incredible. It would probably take a bit to get used to in 2019, but once you warm up to the sound, the cover is just brilliant. What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? It’s a disco song, the lyrics just repeat for three straight minutes and is not supposed to be any deeper than ‘I feel love.’ Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? I love the beat, the sound, and what Sam offered to the song. Have any pets? If so, what are they and what's their names? Yes, I have a cute Santa Claus-outfit-wearing dog at the moment :)) His name is Kimi. Have you ever met your idol? I have never met Kristen Stewart, AJ Lee, Hayley Williams, nor Beyoncé. And I’d most likely pass even if there was a chance to meet any of them; I’m too afraid that I’d mess up in front of them. If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? What's your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) I don’t play a lot myself but I do enjoy watching games on Nintendo or Playstation consoles. If you're in college, what's your major and why did you pick it? I’m in journalism. I picked it because I thought it’s what I wanted to pursue back in high school. I was good at writing and loved telling stories, the obvious path was towards journ so I don’t hate myself or regret picking such a major. But through the years I’ve learned to hate it more and more though – my interests lie within public relations and advertising now, a complete 180 from the world of journalism. How're you doing today? A little too early to be asking that, it’s 7:43 in the morning. I do feel quite nice because classes ended up being suspended today due to the incoming typhoon, but otherwise it’s just mostly meh for now. What color are your bedroom walls? They’re white. Describe your favorite shirt. Right now my favorite shirt is a halter tank top I got for ₱50 at a small tiangge booth in Feliz, hahaha. I just wish I could wear it everyday without anyone judging because I look cute in it. Use this space to tell someone off. I don’t think anyone I know deserves that at the moment. What's your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? Waste of money, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting one lmao. What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I still have that damn poster of Nam Joo Hyuk up near my bed lol. I haven’t seen a k-drama since 2017, but I’m just too lazy to take it down. How many times have you moved in your life? That I can remember? Two. I think we moved a couple times more when I was an infant. If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? It’s definitely more peaceful, quiet, and much much cleaner in our house; but there are days where I still miss having my cousins and grandma under the same roof. What's your favorite color and why? Pastel pink. It’s pleasant to the eyes and looks good on most stuff. My wallet,  purse, main school notebook, one of my highlighters, my phone case, clipboard, backpack, and shoulder bag are all that color hahahaha Do you have a calendar? If so, what's the theme? I have one on my phone; I don’t really need a physical one. No theme because I don’t think my phone allows me to customize my calendar anyway. Have any famous person's autographs? I have AJ’s from a signed poster that I bought like 5-6 years ago from WWEShop. Was never actually sure if she actually signed it but it’s always easier to believe that. Do you draw well? That’s the worst thing I can do, or try to do at that. What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8. Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? I am actually supposed to be working on final requirements, but they’re all for my newspaper layout class and I cannot be ASSED to open Adobe InDesign and work on some dumb layout stuff right now. If you're in school/college, what's your favorite subject and why? This semester my favorite class is Kasaysayan 117, or Social History of the Philippines (‘Kasaysayan’ means history in Filipino). Social history veers away from the typical elite/heroes/war/colonization/what have you narratives that history books typically go with, and focuses instead on the developments of, say, gender, education, illnesses, and religion in the country. It basically focuses on the everyday life of the ordinary citizen, which I find more interesting and relatable than war stories. I certainly wish I can take this class more than once. Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? Dog person. They’re friendly and sweet and silly and will always stay by your side, which I love. I have never been able to connect with cats and finally at one point, trying just tired me out completely lmao HISS at me then, sis Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. Not my favorite, but definitely a memorable one – Scarlett O’Hara is in love with some dude named Leslie who’s married to his first cousin. Scarlett ends up gunning after him for a good chunk of time, even as she marries Rich Guy Rhett Butler and has a kid with him. Eventually [spoiler] kid dies and Rhett realizes Scarlett never cared for her just as Scarlett realizes she loves Rhett. Not a good ending for Scarlett. Bunch of people die. Oh and all of this takes place during the Civil War. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. I flinch at the idea of putting anything anywhere near my eye, so contacts are a no-no for me. What do you think about horror movies? It’s a hit or miss most of the time. Great genre with some even greater hits, though. If you love them (I do), what's your favorite? Misery or The Shining. Cliché picks, but I personally enjoyed both so why not. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I dunno about ‘cool’ but I got Gabie a Hydro Flask water bottle and I’m SO excited for her to get it because she’s always been envious of mine and she’s always talking about wanting one because water tastes so crisp and fresh from those bottles. It’s kind of a bittersweet story for me though – I lost my own Hydro Flask a day after I got hers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? I do neither of those things because I’m from the Philippines and we have no idea what those holidays(?) mean. Have any mental illnesses? I’m sure I do, I just have never gotten myself checked. What's your favorite word and why? I’m not really obsessed with any right now. What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? It’s either my laptop or my phone...I’m not sure how much they were; my parents paid for both. Although I’m guessing the phone cost more because it was the newest in the iPhone line at the time of their purchase. Did you buy that item yourself? Hahahaha, nope. Super grateful to my parents for getting it for me despite knowing I have the tendency to crack and break all the phones I own. This current one is staying strong, though! Where do you work and what is your postion? I don’t have a job yet but I’m part of two organizations in college, if that counts. I’m the vice president for external affairs in my journalism org and associate editor in our graduating batch’s yearbook club. How often do you cuss? Probably once every few hours? Definitely way less than when I was an angsty, feisty, annoying little teenager lmao. What type of car do you drive, if any? I have a Mitsubishi Mirage hatchback. Are you happy with it? If no, what's your dream car? I’m happy with it; it’s small, convenient, and easy to drive. My dream car is something just as small but a little more fancy, so I’m wishing for a Mini haha. Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? Nah I just have three main ones – Twitter, Facebook, and this Tumblr. I’ve made accounts on other apps like Snapchat and Instagram, but I stopped using the former and I never use the latter. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t have one. Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? It’s not a unique tradition but we go to my grand-aunt’s house and we do Monito-Monita, which is essentially a Filipino Secret Santa. We fix ourselves in a circle and when you’re It, you have to dance/walk/prance around with your gift while everyone sings the monito-monita song (which I’m too lazy to expound on, lol). When the song ends, you have to hand your ‘baby’ their gift. If you're in a relationship, are you happy with it? Yes. How long have you been with your significant other? Three years, but that’ll change to four by February. Do you like psychology? (It's my college major). I love it. It’s one of my the-one-that-got-away courses, along with history. I wanted to have a glimpse of psych by taking a psychology elective once, but I got a bad prof and never got in the mood to take another elective again, so that’s a shame. What is something your state is popularly known for? We don’t have states, we just have provinces and cities. Antipolo is known for their delicacies such as kasoy, suman, and latik. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what's the coolest thing you made? Kind of? I don’t like anything I have to sculpt or mold myself; but lately I’ve been into paint-by-number kits and I asked Gab to get me a couple of them as a Christmas gift. It’ll help with my seasonal depression, so I’m excited to be preoccupied during the holiday break. Do you watch sports or do you think they're overrated? I don’t think they’re overrated. I just don’t find most of them interesting to watch. What's one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn't deserve to? TROLLS Do you straighten your hair? No. Ever dyed your hair a color that isn't natural? (blue, pink, etc) I haven’t dyed it at all. How's your relationship with your parents? We have a best friends-type of relationship in that we banter and not opposed to insulting each other and cursing in front of one another, but I don’t let them know me any deeper than surface-level. The angst and trauma I developed due to my mom being horrid to me when I was younger permanently kept me from ever desiring a soft, emotional, intimate bond with her. And as for my dad, well he’s worked overseas all my life and I only get to see him once or twice a year, so it’s easy to understand why I have not developed a super super SUPER close bond with him as well. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? I live with them but I’d love to have my own place soon. What's something you are currently saving money for to buy? More Christmas gifts for loved ones. I’ve only bought gifts for my girlfriend so far. Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? I vape, but don’t smoke. Gab gave me her vape pen which is from a brand named Smok, because she soon learned after vaping a few times that she’s asthmatic. :( I do get disposable vape pens from Vedfun which I honestly prefer more, though. Ever done drugs? Other than painkillers, no. Tell me one of your worst habits. Letting myself go hungry because I’m a little obsessed with the thought of saving money. What's a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I have to lock my car doors three times in a row before I feel entirely secure. If you game, what type of headset do you use? What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? I have a Macbook Air, and I love it. What's the thing that annoys you the most? Metro Manila traffic. What brand of TV do you have? All of our TVs are Samsung, I think. Are you excited for Christmas? (It's December 1st today when I made this) I can take it or leave it. Tell me about your favorite vacation you've taken. Sagada x Baguio last 2014. I was hurting a lot that time because of recent shitty events that all happened to me, but the climate, the nature, and the peace and quiet allowed me to recharge and let everything out. It helped that there was a movie that had just come out then called That Thing Called Tadhana (Fate) wherein the lead girl was going through the same stuff I did, then she took a bus trip to Sagada, stood on top of a cliff, and yelled and cried her heart out. I set out to do the same (I didn’t scream though, just cry haha) and it was a good release. I’ll never forget that trip because I had never been more in touch with myself and allowed myself to be that raw until that week.

Tell me something cool about yourself. [continued all the way from 7 AM because I just got lazy for the rest of the morning. It’s now 4:41 PM.] Anyone outside of pro wrestling will probably not find this cool but I’ve been acknowledged by all three of my all-time favorite female figures in the industry (retweeted by AJ Lee, followed by Natalya, greeted happy birthday by Stephanie McMahon). All three are memories I’ll cherish forever. Did/do you get good grades in school/college? Not so much in grade school, because I was admittedly irresponsible and my elders didn’t pay much attention to my study habits, either. I got better in high school, but I still made sure not to tire myself out because I knew the grades I’d get then literally wouldn’t matter in college. Now that I’m in college and for once the grades DO matter, I’m working 15 times as hard and getting good grades throughout. What's your ringtone on your phone? They’re all ringtones provided by Apple. What's your favorite store to shop in? For clothes, independent stores would do. They can sell a tank top for ₱50 (1 USD) that I would otherwise find in H&M for like, ₱299 (6 USD) lmao. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? I’d pay off my parents’ various purchases like our house and cars so that the guilt doesn’t eat me up when I treat myself. How long have you had a Bzoink account? I don’t have a Bzoink account, but I’ve been using it to find surveys since 2008. My survey habit started veeeeery early, y’all.

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what's your favorite attraction? I have not. I’m not even sure I know what that is. Do you own a Polaroid camera? I don’t. Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? Hardwood. It's a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Taking surveys or catching up with work. Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I have a lot, fortunately. College taught me to open up my circle. What's your all time favorite movie and why? Two for the Road. It just clicks with me. Audrey and Albert very both very passionate in their roles and their tandem worked amazingly to bring the story to life.

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? Just one. What's the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? Queer Eye; I made Gab watch the Jones Bar-B-Q episode which is usually cited as one of the best of the series. I loved watching it the second time. Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? I use Netflix; I haven’t tuned in to cable TV for a good 4-5 years maybe. What is your dream job and why? Working somewhere in WWE. That company’s been a part of my life for...welp, my whole life. A part of me just feels as though I HAVE to end up there. Do you think you would be a good therapist? I know I’m a good listener and that I can read body language and signals quite well, but I don’t think I’d want people to dump their burdens and rants on me. What's your favorite brand of clothing? H&M. Did you like this survey? Sure!

[arthurhwalker]

2019, Buying Guidance

Buying a computer, a smartphone, or tablet in 2019 is different than it has been in years past. Usually, I'm lurking in anticipation of my "next", and have a lot of ready recommendations for friends and family. That isn't to say there aren't a lot of great options, they just seem to be more arcane.

My current technology arc consists of incrementally shedding Apple, Google, Microsoft, and any hardware, or digital service, that doesn't provide me with a great deal of value. Also, I'm looking for those services and products that have a community around them, and with whom one can have some kind of relationship.

I look at everyone; Apple, Asus, Dell, Google, HP, Huawei, LG, Microsoft, MSI, Samsung, Vaio, before I make a purchase. I look at their products, support documentation, warranty, social media presence, how transparent they are with consumers, and whether or not they understand how to engage in basic marketing and commerce.

So, what's good? The plucky upstarts and potential market disruptors first.

Pine64

From the FAQ on their site:

"What is Pine A64? The Pine A64 is an index card sized 64-bit single board computer. It can perform like your desktop or portable PC with browsing the Internet, playing games, watching video, and execute programs like spreadsheets and word-processing. The Pine A64 board can also play ultra high definition 4Kx2K video."

I waited in the queue for almost a year to be able to buy this $99 laptop. They sell them at zero or little profit so people can tinker with them, learn, and make stuff. They're working on a tablet, more powerful "Pro" version of their laptop, and a phone. It can run 64 bit Ubuntu, Debian based Linux things, and Android 5.1.

I cannot wait to get my PineBook next month and start monkey'ing around with it. Also, it comes in completely unadorned white, AKA Stickertown! I need to start gathering my adhesive sartorial accoutrements now. 

Pop!_OS, and System76

I've been using their Pop!_OS with my Lenovo Thinkpads for a couple of months, and really like it. With Canonical focusing Ubuntu away somewhat from the desktop user, going to a curated version, like Pop!_OS, tends to deliver a better experience. System76 has a live Pop!_OS Chat where I've gotten help and guidance along the way.

I resisted installing Pop!_OS for a while, because it looked kind of cool. I know, right? Linux isn't supposed to be "cool". So I was wary, haha.

Pop!_OS is, basically, set up the way I would set up vanilla Ubuntu after some tinkering. It has AMD or Nvidia Drivers and GPU switching baked in, power management options, and the only thing I had to install with the terminal was GIMP. Everything else I know and love was in the Pop!_Shop. Pop!_OS 18.10 get regular updates, and they're always adding keen new things to their offerings.

Where vanilla Ubuntu is kind of squeaky, garish, and clunky, Pop! is quiet, nocturnal, and polished. It encrypts your install by default, full disk, out of the box with minimal effort. "Out of the box, with minimal effort" is something I say a lot with Pop!. It's just really (really) nice. I'm a fan, bought the t-shirt, put the stickers on my laptop, all the things.

I haven't tried their hardware, and while I'll be sticking with a Thinkpad for mobile computing, their mini "Meerkat" and Thelio Desktops are very compelling options. System76 isn't very transparent about the types of displays offered with their desktops, or their laptops, but have responded swiftly to my queries by email, and via social media.

They are very transparent about their internal components, and have an array of options, including AMD on their Thelio line, for folks looking to distance themselves from Intel. The Thelio desktops look very nice, with the only flaw being no IO up front. Everything else is custom, with open source daughter boards, and other keen aesthetic features.

I worry more about which configuration of Thelio I would get, than what I'd actually use it for. I just want one.

Recently, Pop!_OS got featured on the Linus Tech Tips YouTube Channel, as a gaming platform. A. Linux. Gaming. Platform. Yes, you heard that correctly. 

ReMarkable

This continues to be a good value, for a product that receives frequent quality of life updates. For minimalists looking to replace all the paper in their lives, this device delivers. I really like that they don't stop making it better, simply because the makers believe in the form factor and use case.

ReMarkable has a lot of competition in the hardware space, but I haven't seen much in the software space that is half as good. The ability to nest notes and documents in folders and organize your work is an incredibly attractive feature. The Linux-based operating system is incredibly stable, and reliable.

The ReMarkable tablet isn't fast, or cutting edge, but it feels really nice to use. It's easy on my eyes, and the hand taking notes and reading documents. It really is just like paper, only better, and taking up way less space in my bag.

Light Phone 2

I love E Ink devices, particularly when they aren't being used simply to read ebooks. Marketed as "a simple 4G phone with e-ink, messaging & other essential tools—a phone that actually respects you," the Light Phone 2's marketing is compelling. The promotional video hits all the right notes and feels for anyone that is in a love/hate relationship with their smartphone.

This is definitely me, and I ordered the couples package for my wife and I. From the two surveys I've received, and the updates they've posted, this is something I've only grown more excited for. The very simple and elegant aesthetics of the device are interesting to me, and I can't wait to have one in hand. It's gotten bad enough that I lurk on Ebay, looking for a deal or steal on their first Light Phone. Ugh, haha.

On to my favorite services.

Discord

I pay the monthly for their upgraded service. I'm not entirely sure what I get for my subscription, but I don't care, the service is that good, and I want to support it. For chatting with my friends, playing games, communicating, community curation, and similar, Discord is doing it right. Their user experience is good, even if the user interface is a little confusing at first.

The confusion comes with being used to Skype, or Face Time, and a distinctly limited feature set. With Discord I keep figuring things out, and saying "oh, it can do this? And, also, this? Cool". Discord also works pretty much everywhere, on everything, with no service interruptions (that I've been aware of). I can use with a Linux machine with a dedicated app, in a browser tab, or on my smartphone, whatever I want.

I can use it to communicate text, images, video, audio, broadcast my desktop, all the things. Keen. 

ProtonMail

End-to-end, client side encrypted, with servers located in Switzerland outside of US and EU jurisdictions, and available in English, Spanish, German, French, Italian, Japanese, Dutch, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Russian, Turkish, Ukrainian. I am getting a paid account soon, and their Linux bridge is in beta.

Obvious privacy advantages aside, I really like the service, the options they provide, and their pricing structure. They have a really nice web client, and dedicated iOS and Android apps. It feels like email done right, as a product that you pay for, as opposed to you being the product, or part of some other service you're passively subsidizing.

Feels good. Definitely considering a paid version.

Lutris and Steam For Linux

Linux Gaming used to be an oxymoron. It just wasn't that great, but with Steam Play + Proton I can play Skyrim, with a controller, on my Linux machine. I click a box, hit play, it downloads some things, and boom, I'm good to go. I haven't explored all the different games compatible with this new service, but it looks to be expanding every day.

Lutris is a newer service, and was recently added to the Pop Shop on Pop!_OS. From Wikipedia:

"Lutris is a FOSS game manager for Linux-based operating systems. Lutris has one-click installation available for hundreds of games on its website, and also integrates with the Steam website. Installer scripts are available for some difficult to install WINE games including League of Legends."

The day when I can play Fallout 76 without maintaining a Windows partition is on the horizon. *Cherubs blow heavenly horns of glory* I'd really like this to take off, and take a small, but painful bite out of Microsoft's market share. I don't hate Microsoft, but I'd like them to hurt bad enough they work a little harder to make Windows not suck so hard.

Among the big manufacturers, there are a few that are doing it right, in my humble opinion.

Lenovo

I recommend them, particularly if you need a machine for getting work done, and running Linux. I've been part of their INsiders Customer Advocacy Program since late 2015, and have gotten a candid look at their company culture. Previous to that, I had been using their products since late 2011, mostly for game and web development, digital art, and publishing my novels.

A Thinkpad running Linux is my weapon of choice. The Yoga Book, more recently the C930, continues to be a singular companion device, with little else competing with it in the marketplace. Lenovo warranty, support, and customer service is still five stars. No one, absolutely no one, is more transparent about the hardware you're buying, down to the tiniest detail, I can look it up easily.

In the consumer range, they make a pretty good gaming rig, that I wouldn't be embarrassed to carry around. In fact, the look, IO, and cooling system on the new Legion series gaming laptops is better than many Thinkpads, excluding the P-Series of course. I want to try a new Legion with Linux, now that Lutris, Gamehub, and Steam are making gaming on Linux easier than ever.

On the horizon, Lenovo has some additions to their Yoga line that fall into a totally new zone. In my "lurking" browser tab are the Yoga S940 Laptop, and Yoga A940 Desktop. These devices are in the "Smart" category, packed with features. For the professional that wants style, as opposed to the tuxedo and dress shoes Thinkpad, these are just nice looking machines. I could see people in sales, design, marketing, and other fields that deal heavily in aesthetics, wanting devices like these.

Lenovo A940 Yoga Review

Why do I have a lurking tab in my browser full of Lenovo things? Because they regularly run sales. For the consummate lurker, one can get a new device from Lenovo for 30-45% off retail with patience, and a keen eye for clickable coupons. Lenovo understands how to commerce.

LG

If someone told me they were going to get an LG Gram (any model) I'd understand the desire, even though I haven't owned one myself. The reviews are all pretty positive, some are MIL-STD 810G, good value for the money, and they have a keen aesthetic about them. Also, you can get a couple of the models in white, AKA Stickertown!

Because LG is trying to break into the laptop market, they seem to making a pretty good product, or trying very hard. I'd look at the warranty and support options, warily, just because they're a little new to the game.

Their Gram 2-in-1 comes with a full size Wacom AES 2.0 Stylus Pen, with tilt, and 4096 levels of pressure sensitivity. There's no screwing around with bundles or paying an extra Benjamin for the pen, they just include it with the product, like everyone ought to. Also, they're very transparent about their displays, internals, and specs, so you know what you're buying.

I've read in a couple of places that they are supposed to get better Linux support by the next Kernel, but that there are some issues at the moment. If you're looking for something to run Windows, give them a look, but for Linux maybe hold off, or just get a Thinkpad.

Motorola

A lot of how Lenovo does business has bled over into Motorola. I've owned a couple Motorola Phones, both from before they joined Lenovo. I have friends and family that own the more current models, and are very satisfied. I'll probably own a Motorola in the future, as I'm probably on my last Apple iPhone.

They make a keen, and modular product. Smartphones have always struck me as an opportunity to stack accessories and components to produce value for different use cases. Motorola Mods let one do exactly that, swapping a battery pack, for a game controller, for example.

Samsung

For core computing, and the aspiring digital artist, Samsung makes a nice thing. I've owned their Notebook 9 Pro, Windows Phone, and a Galaxy Book 12. Where Samsung does really well is in aesthetics, making a device that is both nice to look at, and nice to use. They are very transparent about what you get, market their devices well, and offer pretty good value for the money.

When I bought my Notebook 9 Pro, the only thing extra I had to buy was the Staedtler Pen Stylus, because, hey, it was cool. With the Galaxy Book 12, it came with everything, keyboard accessory, S Pen, a nice charger, and even a 128GB microSD card to expand the storage. There was none of the Apple/Microsoft nonsense where you're paying hundreds of dollars extra for things that should just be included.

Even Samsung's new el-cheapo laptop, the Samsung Notebook Flash, is pretty great. Aesthetically, it's compelling. It looks to have a decent 1920x1080 display, lots of ports, a microSD slot for expandability, and you can get it in white, AKA Stickertown! It has eMMc Memory, that is slower for read and write speed, but tends to be very reliable. 

Conclusion

What are you using? Have a keen service or computing product that has served you well? Drop me a line, I’d like to know all the things.

[aprettysonnetfic]

Not With Haste

After Warren's computer goes on the fritz, Ben comes over to help fix it.

Pt 2 of Wild Heart. Takes place after Broken Crown but before For Those Below.

Rated T

Mercyverse au - eventual Warren/Kyle/Ben

Work Text:

“I just don’t know what happened. It was working fine, and then that blue nonsense popped up,” Warren explains to Ben, his slow honeyed Texas accent rounding the vowels, as he points at the blue screen on the monitor.

“Blue screen of Fucking Death,” Ben mutters distractedly as he begins the system restore process on Warren’s ancient PC. “You should just save me the time trying to fix this sodding stupid brick and junk it. Start over. Nuke it from bloody orbit. It’s running Windows 7 for fuck’s sake!”

“I don’t want a new computer, Ben, this one usually works just fine,” Warren huffs, feeling offended on his computer’s behalf. It was old, granted, but it worked for what he needed it to do. Ben’s computer prowess made him feel like a Luddite most of the time, especially now as the younger wolf typed furiously on the keyboard in a screen Warren had never seen before.

“Don’t worry your pretty head, Warren, I’ll save your porn,” Ben teased with one of his rare smiles on his face. Warren was normally spared Ben’s teasing, so he’s not sure how to respond. Before he can respond, Kyle sashays into the room to set a loaded tray down on the desk next to Ben.

“Beer and brownies for our savior. Thank god you’re here to save this wretched machine,” he says, then whispers conspiratorially into Ben’s ear, “Please don’t, I’ve been trying to get him to buy something new for ages.”

With a wink to Warren, Kyle very obviously leans over Ben’s shoulders to watch the blond work. Ben smirks at Warren, but doesn’t shrug Kyle off, as if waiting to see how Warren was going to react to his mate being draped across Ben’s back. Warren ignores them in favor of snagging a beer off the tray, cracking it open as he relaxes on the old beat up couch that takes up most of the back wall of Warren’s office.  From this angle, he has a fantastic view of Kyle’s ass.

It had been a month since their fight, where Ben had ended up airing details his ugly past to Kyle in a fit of rage, and tried what he called an attempt at “friendship suicide”. He and Kyle had made up, thankfully, and Ben had forgiven Warren for jumping to the wrong conclusions when he’d come in at the end of the argument. They’d had a long talk on the couch that night, sharing bits of their pasts with Ben, because it was only fair, as Kyle had said reasonably. It had given them more insight into what made Ben tick, and now they knew what most of his hot buttons were so they could avoid them. As a result, the three of them were closer than before, cementing their friendship into something more akin to family.

Kyle and Ben’s good-natured flirting had ramped up since then, too.  Warren knew it was a game they played but it made him roll his eyes whenever they started up with the banter and innuendo. Kyle had confessed one night not too long ago, after a few martinis, he liked to take it just far enough to fluster Ben and make the tips of his ears go pink. Kyle found it adorable and charming, but it happened rarely. Adorable and charming were typically not words associated with Ben.

Since that night, Ben had also become more… Warren figured the closest word for it was affectionate, if you could apply that word to Ben. He’d pretty much stopped turning into his Wolf if he wanted to be physically touched, though he would still do so from time to time, sprawling out over both Kyle and Warren like a large red blanket. Lately he’d start in his usual spot at the far edge of the couch and would slowly creep over as the movie progressed just close enough that Warren could put his arm on the back of the couch and play with his hair. Kyle would crawl between them shortly after, with his back against Warren and his legs over Ben’s lap. The other night he’d even relaxed enough to fall asleep during a particularly dull movie, slumping over against them. Kyle had grinned up at Warren, obviously delighted because he had mentioned how he’d been worried for ages over how touch-starved Ben was.

While he’d been slowly changing for the better over the last year, Ben had made leaps and bounds over the past month. Ben no longer stood outside the door awkwardly every time he was invited over, and had even used his key to let himself in earlier when they’d asked him to look at Warren’s old computer. When Kyle would mention on the phone that he needed to run to the store for the odd carton of milk or a loaf of bread to go with dinner, Ben would offer to pick it up on his way over, with only a little grousing. He’d also pick up other little things he would remember seeing on the running grocery list that was kept on the refrigerator door, just because. Kyle would thank Ben for being so thoughtful and Ben would preen under the praise. Kyle would give Warren a look so smug that he’d have to kiss it right off his face. Ben had stopped turning to look elsewhere now, and seemed keenly interested in what they were doing. He and Kyle needed to have a conversation about that, but they never did.

The changes had also started affecting how he was accepted by the pack, though he could still be just as rude and grouchy as ever. He’d been on friendlier term with people, especially since he had made a point to help set up a server for the weekly game of The Dread Pirate’s Booty at Adam and Mercy’s. He’d even gone so far as to help some of the more… technologically challenged… pack members with setting up the game on their laptops.  Everyone who participated in game night seemed to love how he’d get into his pirate character, Sodding Bart, and several of his more colorful piratical curses had taken root in the pack.

The most damning evidence of his change in behavior was that he’d even stuck up for one of the secretaries at work, a fact that caused a lot of raised eyebrows. Ben got huffy when asked about it because “no one fucks with my secretary except for me”. Adam had called it growth and was very pleased with Ben’s new upward mobility in the pack. He had high hopes that Ben was coming to terms with his personal demons and would continue to thrive.

Warren is startled from his reverie as Ben makes a crude computer joke that has Kyle snorting with the ugly little laugh that Warren loves so much. Ben says something rude about it and Kyle shoves a brownie into his mouth to shut him up. They’re laughing and touching and Warren smiles at their antics, oddly at ease with how close Kyle and Ben are. He’s sure that if it were anyone other than Ben that close to his mate, he’d be a snarling, jealous, and possessive wreck of a werewolf.

His wolf is strangely quiet where Ben is concerned. The wolf trusts Ben, both to keep Kyle protected and safe and to have Warren’s back if it came to a fight. After being a lone wolf for so long, where he couldn’t trust anyone but himself, it felt strange to be able to count on Ben in that capacity. That went a long way, and Warren overlooked a lot of things Ben did that he probably shouldn’t.

Several beers and brownies later, Warren and Kyle are cuddling on the couch looking at their phones when Ben stops clicking the mouse and spins around in the chair to face them. The computer monitor behind him shows Warren’s desktop screensaver - a picture of Warren and Kyle kissing in silly party hats with glasses of champagne that was taken last New Year’s - but there were far fewer files on it than before.

“Your piece of shit is working again,” Ben announced smugly, motioning Warren over to give him a rundown of what he’d done to fix the PC, “I had to update the BIOS to fix the fucking thing, then I updated your sodding antivirus and some outdated drivers. When the fuck did you last run an update on that? There was a bollock’s load of viruses that needed to be fixed, probably from your porn sites, so I installed an ad aware program to take care of the worst of it. Then I cleared some of the redundant files and consolidated the files on your desktop into folders you can click on. If you ever so much as save another bloody thing to your desktop so help me god I will hurt you! I also did some other magic computer shit you won’t understand so it runs faster than a bloody snail’s pace. You’re fucking welcome.”

“You’re pretty ballsy assuming I’m looking at porn,” Warren said with a mock growl. He didn’t understand most of what Ben had just said but was impressed nonetheless. He leaned over and clicked one of the new folders and it opened up to show a number of the files that previously littered the desktop. This would do.

“If you’re going to try to lie, you should learn how to clean out your cache first,” Ben says with a toothy grin. Warren chooses not to say anything else that could be damning and makes a mental note to figure out how to clean out whatever a cache is.

“Thank you, Ben. That was mighty helpful,” Warren finally says as he squeezes Ben’s shoulder affectionately. Ben looks pleased for a moment then starts grousing, poking Warren’s arm with a long, pale finger.

“You still need a new PC. There’s only so much I can bloody do with hardware that’s older than the dinosaurs. You should back up your important files to my private server just in case it decides to take a crap again and I can’t fix the bloody thing. Same goes for you, boy toy.”

“If you wanted to look at my porn collection, you could always just ask. I’d be happy to send you some of my favorites,” Kyle offers breezily from where he was sprawled on the couch, engrossed in his phone. Warren chuckles as Ben’s ears go pink at the tips and mutters that he should fuck off already. Kyle was right, it was definitely cute, but he’d never admit it aloud. Warren didn’t have to turn around to know that a smug smile was plastered on Kyle’s face.

“As a thank you, how about we order something and watch a movie? Ben’s pick?” Warren offers as a change of subject just as Kyle gets up and starts gathering the empty beer bottles and cans. “What do you want to watch tonight, Ben?”

“Actually, I should go. It’s game night at Adam’s place and I have to kick some pirate booty,” Ben says after he swigs the last of the beer from the bottle and sets it on the tray.

“Can’t you skip it tonight? We’d love for you to stay a bit longer.”

“He’s right. Warren, maybe we should sweeten the deal?  Ben probably wants something nicer as his thank you than take-out. What do you want, Ben? You can have anything you want,” Kyle counters as he deposits the empties on the tray and picks it up.

“You shouldn’t offer me anything I want. That’s opening Pandora’s fucking box and I don’t think either of you will like what you find inside. Besides, you want me to miss out on Mercy’s chocolate chip cookies?” Ben asks seriously. Everyone knew Mercy made the best cookies.

“While I haven’t been interested in Pandora’s Box since I realized I like men, I would dearly love to know what Pandora has in it for you,” Kyle teases.

“Cookies, apparently. I wouldn’t put up too much of a fight, Ben. I know firsthand, Kyle always gets what he wants.” Warren deadpans and hauls Ben out of the chair and to his feet only to loop his arm across Ben’s shoulder. Warren exchanges a look with Kyle and they both turn to Ben expectantly.

“Of course I do. I got you didn’t I? Ben, I know we can’t compete with Mercy’s cookies, but can I tempt you with something else? We should take you to that nice steakhouse! That’s the place I took Warren for our first date, and the steaks are amazing.” Kyle sets the tray back down and slides between the two men, wrapping his arms around their waists. He’s tiny between them, just tall enough to just reach their shoulders. He turns his face towards Ben and gives him his best pout, “Please, Ben?”

“Your pouty face won’t work on me, luv,” Ben says with a laugh as he tweaks Kyle’s nose.

“It was worth a try. Tomorrow night, then? You, me, Warren, and the best steaks you’ve ever had. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy being in the middle of this werewolf sandwich,” He says lightly. He winks broadly at Ben then leans his head back to expose his throat as he bats his eyes coquettishly at his mate.

Warren can’t resist leaning down to steal a deep kiss. When he lifts his head, Ben is watching. Again. He suddenly feels acutely aware of how intimately close Ben is. He clears his throat and looks sheepishly at the younger man, “Sorry, Ben.”

“Don’t mind me, I’m just enjoying the show,” he responds, all toothy grin and innuendo. There’s a very slight yellow tinge to Ben’s blue eyes and he holds Warren’s gaze a moment too long before dropping his eyes down to look at Kyle.

“I don’t know if you can handle the full show, Ben,” Kyle replies automatically, head turning from Warren to look up at Ben with a saucy grin. Kyle doesn’t seem to notice the yellow in Ben’s eyes as he leans his head against Ben’s chest with a laugh, “Teasing you is too easy.”

It dawns on Warren that they’re skirting a very dangerous line.  He has the urge to reel Ben closer, to bite him or kiss him, maybe both, and then do the same to Kyle. Both options stir something deep in his belly and he doesn’t want to acknowledge the feeling. The tension between the three of them is stretched tight, like a tightrope that’s ready to snap under too much weight. One wrong move and they’re going to fall. He’s not sure if they’ll survive it.

“You shouldn’t tease werewolves, Kyle, they might bite,” Warren says suddenly to break the tension, as he disentangles himself from the embrace. With a mock growl he tickles Kyle’s sides, just hard enough to elicit a squeal and a reflexive jump from his mate. Kyle wriggles away from Warren’s tickling hands as fast as he can and suddenly, the tension between them is gone and normality resumes.

“That’s right, you don’t want us to bite you,” Ben says as if coming out of a daze, and turns to gather his toolkit from the computer desk. “I’m going to get out of here, but tomorrow you’re both taking me out for this magical steak. It better be as good as you say it is.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll love it. Six work for you?” Kyle says while grabbing the tray stacked with empty beer bottles.

“Thanks again for fixing my computer, Ben. I truly appreciate everything you do for us,” Warren offers, clapping Ben on the shoulder. They head downstairs and Kyle drops the tray into the kitchen while Ben pulls his boots out of the pile of shoes next to the front door, slipping them on quickly.

“We’ll see you here at six. I’m sure Kyle will want us to all go in his Jag.” Warren grabs Ben’s coat from the closet and helps him put it on.

“Damn straight, we’re taking the Jag,” Kyle says as he comes into the foyer and wraps Ben in goodbye hug. “You should have just told him it was past the point of being fixable, but I forgive you. Really, Ben, thank you.”

“No problem,” he replies, gently hugging back then reaching for the door knob, “It’s the least I can do for you guys. I’ll make sure to think of you later when I’m eating Mercy’s cookies and kicking pirate booty. Yarr!”

Warren wraps his arms around Kyle as they watch him get in his red Chevy truck and drive off. Warren huffs a sigh into Kyle’s hair and nuzzles there for a moment. They needed to talk about what just happened upstairs, but Warren was damned if he knew how that was going to go. He’d need to apologize to his mate for the near indiscretion, if nothing else.

“Warren, baby, what happened upstairs? I thought for a second you were going to kiss Ben senseless.”

“I really don’t know, Kyle. I thought I might, too, and I don’t know why. I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again,” Warren admits quietly, feeling ashamed of his lack of control. Kyle turns in his lover’s arms, and reaches up to cup his face and look Warren in the eyes until he continues, “You know I love you more than I thought it was ever possible to love another person, and I am yours for the rest of our lives, but for a moment… I don’t know what I was thinking,”

“It’s okay. I’m not angry. Things got out of hand and it happened. We were flirting and it escalated until you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. I’m partially to blame for that, and I’m sorry, too. I’m just wondering if we’re as monogamous as we thought we were. I thought the whole “werewolf mates” thing put a permanent kibosh on threesomes.”

“Huh. I wonder about that, too. If anyone else touched you, I would probably lose my mind, but Ben, though...”

“I know that, baby. I feel the same way. Ben is… unique… in that has managed to worm his way into our lives so completely that this was bound to happen eventually. He needs to get laid. “

“You think so? You know even having this conversation is a bad idea for a lot of reasons. He’s been broken for a long time, he has issues with touch, hell, and we don’t even know if he’s even really into men.”

“He’s more into men than I think any of us realizes, including himself. Or he’s really into us since we’re safe and he trusts us. Either way, I think he really wants to watch us make love, maybe even do some kissing and light petting, but you’re right about the touch issues. I can’t see that going well.”

“No, I can’t see that ending well, either. Can we forget this happened for now?” Warren asks as he drops kisses on Kyle’s beautiful face.

“So I’ve lost my chance at being the creamy center of a werewolf sandwich?” Kyle mock pouts and bats his eyelashes seductively.

“You’re a menace. I’m going to drag you upstairs and make love to you until the neighbors complain about the noise,” Warren says, kissing Kyle like he was a starving man presented with a feast.

“Mmmm… yes, please? But what about Ben?” Kyle asks as he starts to unbutton Warren’s shirt.

“He’s going to have to deal with the noise, too.”

“I meant about what happened today. We’re basically sweeping it under the rug without any resolution or plan.”

“How about this? If Ben continues to get his life together and gets to a place where we think he can handle us taking him to bed, we’ll revisit this. Until then we’ll be careful that this doesn’t happen again. Do we have a deal?”

“Sounds like a solid deal to me. Now carry me upstairs and show me just how you plan on making me scream.”

“Will do, Darlin’.”

[youngster-monster]

Inquisitor as a companion: romance edition

Lyall Fenelon

Sexual/Racial preference: Males, all races

Nickname for PC: Ma’evune (my moon, similar to ‘ma’vhenan’)

Romance only mission: Wolf moon / This quest is triggered if you have flirted with Lyall before, after you ask him about his pack’s traditions and he mentions a courting ritual.

Make your intentions clear to Lyall by courting him in the way of his pack.

Ask Sera to help you bake cookies.

Bring the cookies to Lyall.

Ask the Iron Bull about a worthy prey.

Kill Moonbane in Emprise du Lion.

Ask Dorian to help you make a cloak.

At a requisition table, craft the Lover’s cloak (Moonbane’s pelt, 1x Lambswool, 1x Obsidian) and bring it to Lyall.

Ask Varric to help you write a declaration.

Go to Lyall and give him your vow. He will get flustered and ask you to spar with him hand-to-hand. During the cutscene, he pins you to the ground. You can either bare your throat (he will kiss you and you will officially be in a romance with Lyall) or give up the romance by reversing your positions.

Once you start the romance, he will equip the Lover’s cloak, which has black fur.

Dialog to being asked for a kiss: “How could I say no?”

Halamshiral dialog:

Being asked to dance during mission: “Maybe later, hm? I won’t want to leave Faelan alone with assassins running around.“

Asking to dance post-mission: “I don’t think my dancing moves fit the setting. Will you teach me?”

Romance banter (what others say about it):

What Cole says about companion to PC: “He looks at you like you’re the moon. He’d hold you in his hands if he could. You should let him.”

Who is concerned about the relationship?:

- Cassandra: Are you sure about this? He is... Wild. More animal than elf, sometimes. This is not the kind of man who stays.

- Solas: I hope you know what you’re doing.

- Vivienne: This won’t please the Court. Or anyone else, for that matter.

Who supports the relationship?:

- Varric: This will raise some eyebrows, that’s for sure. But it will be fun, and as long as you make each other happy, you’ll be fine.

- Iron Bull: He’s a good kid. Loyal. That’s a good guy to have in your corner... and your bed.

- Dorian: The wolf, huh? Didn’t take you for the ‘wild and rugged’ kind, but you look good together.

- Sera: Wolfy’s nice. Not too serious an’ not too elfy. You together, that’s good. Take care of him, yeah?

Who had a bet running on it?:

 Varric: Hand over the money, Sparkle.  Dorian: Damn. I could have sworn he’d be the kind to make the first move.  Varric: (chuckles.) He really isn’t.

Banter(between NPCs):

 Iron Bull: So, your boy... Is he any good in bed?  Lyall: Buy me a drink and I’ll tell you all about it.  Iron Bull: (laughs.) Alright.  Inquisitor: Hey! (pause.) Do I get a drink too?

—

Blackwall: Your wolf- Faelan, I mean. He likes him, too? Lyall: I think so, yeah. Blackwall: Heh. Didn’t think he could like anyone else.

—

Varric: The wolf and the Inquisitor... It has a good ring to it. Lyall: Are you... writing a book about us? Varric: You two have kind of a dramatic romance. People will eat it up. Lyall: Will you give me a few signed copies? I want to send them back home.

Flirt options:

Lyall: I’d like to join you at Haven, if that’s alright. I can make myself useful, swear! But I kind of miss sleeping on something that isn’t rock or snow. Inquisitor: *flirt*  I wouldn’t say no to another pretty face in my inner circle. Lyall: (laughs.) Hey, I’m not just a pretty face! (he smiles.) I’m also have a very nice body, if I say so myself.

—

Lyall: Josephine banned me from hunting around Skyhold as long as I’m not wearing a shirt. Apparently it’s a distraction... Inquisitor: *flirt* It is very distracting.

Break up dialog:

If PC breaks it off:

(Before his romance quest) Inquisitor: I’m sorry, this was fun, but... I’d prefer to just be friends. Lyall: Oh... Alright. You’re right, anyway, it’s better not to get too invested with my alpha.

—

(During his romance quest) Inquisitor: You know, those gestures... They didn’t mean anything. Lyall: (softly.) They did. They do. But it’s alright if they don’t mean anything to you. Can’t all have the same culture, right?

—

(After his romance quest) Inquisitor: I’m sorry. I want to break this off. Lyall: (stammering.) What? I- You went to all this trouble, and now you... (he sighs.) Wolves mate for life, you know. Inquisitor: You’re not a wolf, though. Lyall: Many wouldn’t say the same. (he gives you a last, sad look before leaving.)

If NPC breaks it off (and why):

(After his romance quest, if you don’t bare your throat) Lyall: Love is about... trusting someone else with your heart, and with your life. Would you, one day? Trust me with your life? Inquisitor: Not now. But one day, I think I could. Lyall: Alright. I think... I think I can wait. (This allows you to ask him for another spar and start the romance.) (or) Inquisitor: No, I don’t think so. Lyall: I- alright. But I can’t just be something pretty for you to gift shiny things to, you know? I can’t love someone who doesn’t love me enough to trust me with his life. I’m sorry, but I think we should stop here.

Love confession:

(After his romance quest) Lyall: You do know what this mean, right? This isn’t just a fling or- whatever else. This courting, it’s- Inquisitor: Like a marriage? Lyall: No! No, but... Once I have you pinned down, I’m supposed to slit your throat if I don’t love you. And... I do. I do love you. I’m just making sure you feel the same, or- Inquisitor: I wouldn’t have gone through all this process if I didn’t love you. Lyall: (he grins.) I’m going to kiss you, now, if you don’t mind.

Romanced tarot card: [ace of cups] / he faces right, holding a goblet in front of him and letting it fill.

End game dialog:

Lyall: Running away from your own party?

Inquisitor: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you inside these walls... except the one time.

Lyall: I’m much more comfortable when I can see the sky. But... your lair- your room does have a beautiful view outside...

Inquisitor: Well, come then. I’d hate to see you uncomfortable.

(in the Inquisitor’s quarters) Lyall: You know, coming here, I thought I’d only stay long enough to find the ashes of Andraste or to catch the scent of another cure. But I found you, too. You’re different from everything I’ve ever known, but... you make me smile. You feel like family. (if Faelan is possessed) You’ve even given me my brother back... in a way. / (if Faelan is still a wolf) You’ve given me hope that one day, I’d find a way to save my brother, without compromises. Without losing him in another way.

Inquisitor: I’d do more if I could.

Lyall: That’s why I love you. Well. That and your beautiful face. (he leans in.) I never wants to be parted from you. Pack sticks together.

Inquisitor: If they want us apart they will have to kill me, because I’m not giving you up. Ever.

[sweetlittlehawke]

Keep Moving Forward

It’s December. Yknow what that means! Let’s reflect on the year. When I made  a post like this last year, it was a hopeful thing. I was excited about the coming year, because I was excited that I’d finally met some people I could hang out with. I love Alea and Brooke to the moon and back, but only having two friends for most of my life is not the best. As much as I denied it for years, my mum’s right. I’m very social. I have social anxiety. But I am a very social person. So, if you wanna read about all that, it’s under a read more. Cause fucking hell did this get long.

So, this year started and I was single, I was in Unity, I was in school, and I was living with my parents. By May I was not single and I was not in Unity. Shortly after that- because end of the semester and stuff and things happening- I was no longer in school or living with my parents. At this point in the year, I’m still not single, nor in Unity (as I doubt I’ll ever go back. To the troupe at least, I absolutely wanna go back to taking classes), or in school. But I have plans to go back to school. I’m halfway to being able to afford a car, and then saving for an apartment, so Sammy and I can go to Cleveland. Because I wanna be close to my friends. I don’t like most of the people I live with presently, and neither does Sam. So we’re gonna move out in July when the lease is up on our place. 

When I made this post last year, I talked about the only table top rpgs I’d played was a D&D 5e oneshot, a game of Roll for Shoes, and was just then stepping into a campaign. Needless to say, that changed. A lot. I’ve played West Marches to it’s end. I’ve been in Alex’s Pathfinder campaign for a year. I spent a semester in Andrew’s Pathfinder campaign (and met my girlfriend through that). I’ve spent two semesters in Jacob’s 5e campaign. I’ve started a campaign of my own at Breakout to get those people into D&D. I’ve gone so far with this, and I love it. I love every second of it. I also mentioned that I’d kinda started in Magic, but hadn’t put any money towards it. That didn’t last either. I’ve built my own custom deck, and that def required spending money. Once Andrew got me a starter deck it was downhill from there. I don’t play a ton, but Magic def did get my interest.

Last year I kinda just made lil shoutouts to Scott, Trevi, and Andrew. But this year I have so many more people to talk about, and to be thankful for. Because they’re not just new people that I’m kinda sorta friends with. They’re my family. So lemme go through this. Lemme take a bit, to talk about this gaggle of people I’ve found, that I love. 

It’s primarily the Pathfinder group. The original Pathfinder group. Alex, Jacob, Andrew, Thomas, Susannah, Molly, and Will. Most of these people are also the people in West Marches, but there are some West Marches people that aren’t in Pathfinder. People like Joey and Adriana, Freddie, Michael, and of course, Trevi and Scott. Now, to go into detail about the specific people, and why I love them.

Alex is just, great. I don’t always feel like I’m super close with him, but he does pay attention to everyone in the group. We recently had a session that really hit that fact home. It was a Christmas session, because it’s December what else are we gonna do? Each of our characters had gifts, and these gifts meant something to each of us. Outside of games though, he’s just as attentive. He’s always supportive, and very understanding of when people need distance or aid. He’s encouraging, and frankly I’m not sure I’ve ever heard him say something bad against anyone. Ambiguous maybe, but never bad.

Jacob- fucking hell this guy. He’s literally the sweetest man I’ve ever met. He’s always trying to help, and encourage people. If he knows he’s done something wrong he apologizes and does whatever it takes to fix it. He knows I’m short on money, so whenever I’m around he’s always offering to buy me food- or just straight up give me his food. He even bought Sammy’s Christmas present for me, because I’m just too broke to do it. I don’t understand how someone can be that selfless?? Jacob wtf?? You’re too good??

Andrew. What an asshole. I love him though. He- quite frankly- is half the reason I’m so close with the Pathfinder group. I befriended him easier than I befriended the others. He’s the one that got me into Pathfinder. At first he seems quiet, and kinda apathetic, he’s incredibly forgetful. But he cares. I got scared one time that I’d fucked up a friendship, and in his awkward Andrew way, he gave me 3 Magic cards and a hug as comfort. It may not sound like much, but giving away Magic cards is a big deal for Andrew. This nerd is also the reason I met my girlfriend, so yknow.

Admittedly, I’m not as close with Thomas as I am some of the others. His personality clashes with mine, so I don’t typically talk to him one on one. But he’s part of the group. We all poke fun at him, but we all poke fun at everyone. This family of ours wouldn’t be the same without him. It’d be too quiet.

Susannah is a darling. I haven’t seen her as much recently, because she dropped out of the Pathfinder campaign, and I haven’t been at school. But we still talk from time to time here on tumblr, or the very rare occasion we see each other on campus we always stop to give each other a hug and say hello. Because our friend group had a hellish spaghetti mess of relationships, and we had a good relationship through that. The guy I liked liked her, and it was kinda rough, but we just helped each other. Then when that spaghetti mess was over, and I was getting with Sammy, she was one of the people I’d text like “Holy shit Sam is so cute HELP”

Molly is the best. She- like Susannah- isn’t in Pathfinder this semester, so I haven’t seen her as much. But she had a similar position in the spaghetti mess but without being so tied to me. She just was right next to Susannah and was super supportive as well. She was the other person I texted about Sam. Cause group chats. I’d text her and Susannah together. But even though we don’t see each other a ton, we’re still close. Hell we’re looking at getting an apartment together next summer.

I really never think I’m that close to Will. He’s very quiet, and he’s not very affectionate, so it’s sometimes hard to tell if he actually likes being around people or he’s just dealing with us. But, after a year of being around him, I’m pretty sure he does actually like us. I think he’s just introverted. He doesn’t want to get in people’s way, so he sits to the side and is quiet. But also, his character in Pathfinder was 110% tryna get another PC laid and Will and Susannah both were willing to let me in on that. So, yeah, pretty sure Will is cool with me. We just have different ways of showing that.

Joey and Adriana I’ll talk about together, because I swear these two are inseparable. When I first met them I thought they were dating, but no they’re just very affectionate- and I can’t blame them for that. I’m the same way with Scott and Trevi. I’ve still not gotten to talk to them a ton, but the conversations I’ve had with them have been good. They seem very light hearted on the surface, just comparing ourselves to our characters, but really that says a lot about us. 

Freddie and Michael, I’ll also put together. Not because they’re together all the time, but because I have less to say about them. I don’t know either as well, but they’re both very warm people. It’s easy to become friends with these two. Freddie loves to rub my hair, cause of course half of it is shaved. Michael’s just akin to a ray of sunshine tbh. 

Trevi. Where do I even start? To just say you’re my friend isn’t enough. You’re more than that. You’re fun to be around and talk to, and dance with. You’re relatable and silly and serious and helpful and supportive. You’ve given me a place to sleep when I was too tired to go home. When you graduated I was terrified of you leaving, either going back home or going out to Cali to get a doctorate, cause I knew you’d talked about it. I didn’t wanna lose you. I’d just gotten to know you. Then you stayed here, and I’m glad. Cause you’re my friend and I love you. A couple weeks ago as you were leaving you signed “I love you”. You had your back turned but there was a window in front of you, so idk if you saw, but I signed it back. Cause I really do.

Now Scott. You sir, have literally changed my life. I would not have met most of the people I’ve talked about. I’d have met Trevi, but without D&D as a common ground, idk that we’d have ended up so close. So thank you, for introducing me to D&D. Thank you for being my DM. Because honestly, no matter how many DMs I have, no matter how great they are. You will always be my DM, because you were the first. And now, you’re graduating. You’re leaving school, and you’re going to Columbia. I’m gonna miss you. As selfish as it is, I don’t want you to leave. I’m glad you’re going to keep moving forward, as we all should. But fucking hell will I miss you. You’ve led me on adventures, fighting monsters and demons, I’ve made pacts with Eldritch gods and become War itself. So you go. You go, live your adventures. Write your stories and play your parts. Keep Moving Forward. But you better get your ass back here and visit from time to time okay? Cause I’m gonna miss you. I’m gonna miss your free hugs, and the meowing, and the hair ruffles, and hugs so tight I feel like you’re bout to crack a rib, and the games, and the stories, and just everything. I’m gonna miss you, and I love you.

This past year, and every one of the people I’ve mentioned have changed me. There’s more people I could talk about. Alea, and Brooke, and Tommy, and Sammy, and Tahli, and Sebastian, and Kenna. My actual family. My cousin and my best friend, who I don’t feel the need to write about, because duh I appreciate them. Duh I love them. Tommy and Sammy who’ve both had their own impacts. Who have both changed my life in their own ways. Then Tahli, Kenna, and Sebastian. My nieces and nephew. Tahli, who wormed her way into my heart in an instant, and got me to a place where I actually cared for the other two. Because for so long I shrugged at Kenna. She lives across the country she’s not gonna know me. But then when Sebastian came along, I was so used to Tahli and her reaction any time I walk in the door. Then Sebastian got hurt, and it wrecked me. Because no, he’s tiny, he’s fragile, this shouldn’t happen to a six month old baby. I was so scared to hold him at Thanksgiving because I didn’t want to hurt him. 

I just. I love my friends. I love that I can say that. Because two years ago I hardly had friends to love, and I certainly didn’t feel like they should love me back. Last year I had a few more friends, and I was feeling a bit better about myself. But this year I’ve realized. It’s not just that I have friends that I love. But that they love me just as much. During intermediate acting Abby called me a yankee candle, cause I apparently had a warm, homey, aura. I felt like that was weird, cause I’m so used to being Shadow. I’m used to being ignore, glanced over. But then suddenly, I have friends that won’t do that. Friends that pay attention and love me. I’m still not sure how to handle that, but I’m doing the best I can. 

[jacobthespaceguy]

New life, new computer & new perspective.

I wrote this half a year ago and forgot to post this. Enjoy.

Dear Cosmonauts,

Greetings! It’s me, your boy! Did you miss me? No? Yeah, not too surprised. To be honest, I would be genuinely surprised if anyone actually read these. It’ll never stop me though. I love using this as some kind of escape. I think I’m trying to say that I’m officially back to blogging! Well actually, I never was in a state of, “blogging.” I just simply make a blog post every once in a while. So instead of being back, I guess I will simply start blogging more often. At the very least, try to. In an ideal world, I would create entries at least once a month, that’s not too much to ask for... just a few paragraphs every month. Sounds easy enough... On that note, it probably isn’t. But maybe it is. It depends on your personality.

Laziness. Saying laziness defines me is an understatement. I don’t want to be lazy nor do I wish I was. I’m honestly not too sure why I'm so lazy. I think this pandemic just made it really bad. Working from home 3/5 days of the week changes you. Early on, I figured I would be able to use this extra time to work on more music and I even started being a mixing/mastering engineer for a friend of mines. However, I ended up using this extra time to stay in bed and be useless. Some would say I'm being hard on myself but I'm not. I stay in bed and I waste my time, my friend's time, and overall, I'm just a useless human being. I feel like a failure sometimes. However, I do hold on to the hope that I can change. I want to change. Some days, I tell myself, "I'll be productive this time," but then stay in bed half the day. By the time I'm up and eaten breakfast and done my whole morning routine... it'll be 2 o'clock and the day is practically over. It's not really over, but it'll feel like it. It sucks. Now the pandemic is ending and I'll probably have to go back to work full time soon. I have no idea how I'm going to cope with that. I'm already depresso mode from things changing so much around me that I feel like a hermit and want to hide under my desk for the rest of my life. I hate change. I hate it, hate it, HATE IT. I know change is good and if my music career takes off, then they'll be a lot of change. Although, I would rather endure that kind of pressure than have to go back to work. Every day to get to my work is a 40-minute drive there, and an hour drive back since traffic is so bad. I know other people have it worse, but with how tired I am after a shift, I have days where I lay on my bedroom floor doing nothing and or nap until I finally get up to shower, eat dinner and finally get to the home activities I wanted to. However, at this point, it'll be 7 PM and I'm too tired to do anything other than watch YouTube videos until 1 AM, and then it's finally time to go to bed. It's a struggle and I can't seem to escape it.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore and lost track of where I was going with this. I guess it's to complain about hating work and or my laziness? I originally started writing this post with the intention to talk about my new computer and how writing a blog post with it is a vibe. I bought a mid-2017 MacBook Pro back in August of 2019. It was the most absolute base model and only had 128 gb of storage and 8 gb of ram. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF! I loved the flexibility of having a decent laptop for when I travel, but this was a bad purchase that left me financially ruined. I want to say that it was a terrible machine and I hated it. However, it ran decently most of the time and I must confess that Apple just knows what they're doing when designing computers. I can't argue though, since I started this blog, I became an Apple fanboy and I'm seriously buried in the Apple ecosystem. My phone, laptop, tablet at one point but sold, my credit card, my watch, earphones, and tracking devices are all connected to Apple and they basically run my life. However, my main machine will likely always be a Windows desktop.

Back to the MacBook Pro, my 2017 laptop having 128 gb made the machine unusable for me. Apple offering a 128 gb machine was a cardinal sin and I do the happy dance every morning knowing they no longer exist. After downloading Reason and Logic Pro, I had about 8 gb for any else I wanted to use. I couldn't even have all of Logic's sounds installed. Ugh. I never used the machine because I resented it so much. However, I recently started using it to record my vocals because the fans (despite going up 1000 db when I record in Reason) were quieter than having my desktop fans on when recording so I opted to use my MacBook Pro to record instead. In addition, it was really nice to have when I was on the go and needed a computer. Despite being a baseline laptop, it ran the project file for my song, "Nothing Was The Same," decently enough for me to get some mixing done at my Dad's house late last year. It still chugged pretty bad when I was traversing through Reason's sequencer. My final straw was when I wanted to try a vocal plug-in that refused to work on my PC so I pulled out my MacBook Pro and installed it on there and it worked perfectly. I was like, "Man, I wish this MacBook Pro just had a little more storage so I can actually use it efficiently." That's when the idea came to me, "Holy crap, let's just buy a new MacBook."

I would constantly go to Apple's website and look at their newest 16" MacBook Pro. It's when Apple finally let go of the butterfly switches on their keyboard and went back to a scissor-switch design and improved the heck out of the performance. It was a beautiful machine and I wanted it ever since they announced it. So I went back on Apple's website last week after testing that vocal plug-in and was reminded of the horrendous price. $3,000 for a decently specced computer was just too much. Someone on Reddit was telling me how great Apple's refurbished computers are and that they're basically brand new aside from the regular box it comes in. So I decided I wanted to get a refurbished MacBook Pro. However, the next morning, I decided to do a little more research and I thank God I did because after a little research, I saw how much better the new 13" M1 chip MacBook Pro was over the current 16" Intel MacBook Pro and that it was the best laptop to buy. Even better, it's cheaper. So after more research, I decided to buy a refurbished max specced out M1 MacBook Pro. I finally have 2 tb of storage. 2 TB!!! I have more storage on this laptop than on my Windows desktop. I also went with silver over space grey like my other MacBook simply because it looks so much cooler. I don't care for space grey anymore. Something about the classic silver is where it's at. Also, this keyboard is amazing! I'm using it right now to type this. The Touch Bar is pretty cool too. I thought it would be a weird adjustment but it was actually pretty seamless. My only complaint is that it's easier to tap it and do something while typing on the keyboard. Happened to me twice while typing this. Although, all I did was open the emoji window so it wasn't even an issue. However, I think I type a bit in an unconventional way than most of you reading this do so just ignore me. I would also like to brag about how quiet this computer is. I haven't heard the fan once and it's dead quiet. In fact, the M1 MacBook Air doesn't even have a fan, that's how good this new Apple silicon is. Lastly, I haven't had the computer heat up at all yet. I'm typing this using safari with a few tabs open, Logic Pro in the background and there's no part of the computer that's hot right now. My lap would've melted if I was using my 2017 MacBook and it's in great shape! I want to say this computer is a beast but, to be honest, I haven't had a chance to stress test it yet. I've had the computer for less than a week. I will definitely keep you all updated.

Wow, I can't believe I typed all of this simply because I imagined Adam Young in his basement late at night with his MacBook Pro writing his magnificent blog posts that inspired me to start this blog in the first place. For whatever reason, it's a real vibe for me and as I was fumbling through Logic Pro, I had the idea to write a blog and all of this entry just poured out from my brain to this text box. I sincerely apologize to anyone reading this far and to my future self who probably just spent 20 minutes proofreading and fixing errors I made. I'd imagine all the run-on sentences are probably infuriating. I think I spent 40 minutes to an hour just writing this.

In conclusion, I'm writing blog posts again and plan to release new entries at least somewhat often. I have quite a few ideas of things I want to talk about, so you guys will get to pick my brain soon enough. In addition, I may go public about this blog. It is public but I announced it a long time ago and I wasn't very big. But with my podcast and additional following over the years, I may finally get some readers. I'd be surprised if more than 3 people have seen my blog which I'm not upset about. I'm treating this as my personal time capsule and it's fun to go back and read. In addition, I'm going to die someday. I don't know when and how, but it provides a little bit of comfort knowing a potential love one may find this one day after my unfortunate death and get hours of personal content that they can read over any time. I don't mean to get morbid and I don't mean to say my blog is the second coming of Christ. I don't know what I'm saying other than I hope you enjoy it. Anywho, I plan to make blog posts more coherent and not so all over the place. I went from being lazy/hating work, MacBook Pros, and then to my death, all in the same post. I just got so excited once I started typing and couldn't stop. More posts to come. Thank you and goodnight.

-Sincerely,

Jacob McDonnell