#i’ve occasionally met some cool ppl and made friends but most of the time it’s having awkward conversations and worrying about being too

[gregmarriage]

every time i wanna redownload her (the dating app) again, i think abt possibly finding my ex and accidentally swiping right (whichever one is the good one) on her profile and i immediately lose the urge

[rosyerim]

bad boy au | na jaemin

na jaemin, the notorious playboy of his school

literally flirts his way out of trouble

his english teacher caught his cheating during his test and what did jaemin do? wink and slide the paper up his sleeves

“ah you must be mistaken i would never cheat on a test! esp w a teacher as pretty as you ♥ ~(◠‿◕✿)”

cue the teacher blushin and letting him off and jeno laughing at him getting caught

part of the dreamie squad obviously 

the whole group of them are absolute hearthrobs

but jaemin is like the leader ever since mark graduated ot7(╥﹏╥)o

whenever he walks down the hall or into class, guaranteed the students are squealing and highkey blushing

i mean who isn’t, jaemin is a god???

he’s also known for playing around w girls and boys

its never too serious as jaemin always cuts it off when if they say i love you

homeboy isn’t about that committed life

which sucks for the ppl he has a thing with

because he treats them so good

always taking them out on the cutest dates, to the newest cafe, the aquarium, the ice cream shop even simple dates in the park!!

 pulling out their chair for them, holding the door open for them all that gentleman ish!!

but they always want more from jaemin

jaemin is known to be affectionate w his own friends but he’s never done any pda with his flings

which confuses them bc??does jaemin like me?? 

the answer is; no

despite what he says while flirting he rarely means any of it, he just likes the reactions he gets like,

when he compliments them and they turn red

or he holds their hand and they get all shy

but he loses interest in them as quickly as he gets it and is quick to cut it off

which does make him a bit of an asshole in that sense

but he does it in such a nice way they can’t get mad

he also dyes his hair so!!much!! 

how hasn’t it fallen out yet!!!

also kind of a stoner

psa; dont do drugs kids if ur underage!! this is just an au!!!

he likes to get faded behind the abandoned carnival the dreamies have dubbed as their hangout

its rlly just a closed down amusement park thats rlly old and they just spray painted DREAM on everything they could find but the dreamies love the eerie feeling they get in ther and like to pretend they own it

AND theirs no cops around so they can do what they like

which usually means getting crossfaded or having the occasional bonfire/party but most of the time they just get a truckload of candy and challenge each other on pokemon w their nintendos lol

he also likes the feeling of his surroundings being numb and always ends up falling asleep after he finishes a blunt

which leaves a sleepy and clingy jaemin stuck w the rest of the dreamies

jaemin doesn’t let himself smoke around his flings as he doesn’t trust them nearly as much as his boys

lowkey has trust issues

but once he gets his daily dose of coffee, like 3000 shots of espresso he is A W A K E

the dreamies are the worst for almost getting in trouble

when it gets dark they usually hop on their bikes, grab two bottles of spray paint each, and go on into their neighbourhood, whilst playing obnixous dubstep from their speakers

and cause total chaos 

they always leave dogs barking and house lights turning on in their wake as they cycle like mad men down the empty streets, streaking the road with luminous pinks and greens

they get the biggest thrill out of being chased by the local police

whenever the hear the telltale siren they all whoop and laugh in unison, shouting out bets on who will get caught first chenle and who’ll get back to the hangout first renjun

it’s dangerous but they get a real kick out of it and always make sure to tweet about and post it on ig

overall jaemin is jus your average bad boy who likes causing havoc

but who doesn’t like havoc?? 

you, my dear reader :))

you had just moved house and into a completely new neighborhood

 it was your fifth day in your new home and you missed your old area a lottt

and you were highkey bitter bc you didn’t want to move but your parents made you >:((

so sunday night rolls around and you were chilling in bed, watching some dumb yt video when all of sudden in the distance you heard,,,thumping,,,

like really ugly but rhythmic thumping,,,

and it was getting louder and closer to your house

so you being all investigative, throw on your hoodie and waddle on downstairs and open your front door, the porch light turning on automatically

and what you saw was a sight

there were a group of boys cycling up and down your street, attempting to do tricks like wheelies???and shit

but as they did their tricks they were spraying the ground so they left a lot of squiggly lines as they turned and jumped

you didn’t mind that, you thought it was actually kind of pretty

but what wasn’t pretty was that hideous music

you were pretty sure they were playing that im blue dabdeeda song but a dubstepped remix version 

and god it was awful

but you kinda assumed they must have gona tone deaf bc they were screeching the lyrics to the tops of the voices and one tall kid was trying to freestyle to it

yeah, they were a sight

 you noticed none of the neighours had come outside which meant this was a normal occurrence??

oh no, you were not having this

without a second thought you shoved your feet into your uggs by the door and stomped your little butt over to the group of screaming boys

one of the boys who was on his phone on his bike, noticed you storming towards them and quickly hit another guy next to him and so on

until all their attention was on you

all six of them 

if it were your old neighbourhood you would have been flustered at their attention on you and they were good looking and you were wearing an,,,odd attire

but you didn’t care

once you reached them you just crossed your arms

“whose playing the music?”

they kinda looked at you as if you spoke another language

until you arched an eyebrow and the tall kid from earlier raised his hand, holding his phone 

“uh,,, i am,,, i’m jisung,,,”

you marched over to him and swiped his phone, ignoring the laughing from one of the boys, scrolling thru his horrible choice of songs

then one of them tapped you on ur shoulder

“so like,,who are you? whats your deal sis?”

you noted he had quite an ugly bowlcut that was also bright red and you just rolled your eyes, before typing in a decent song in jisungs phone

another kid stepped forward and tried to look menacing as he stood up slightly taller in front of you

“like haechan asked,,what’s your deal? do you know who we are?”

you scoffed and clicked on the song, feeling satisfied as frank oceans song ivy played through the speaker

“frankly i don’t care who you guys are but your taste in music is shit and you all sound obnoxious”

homeboy who tried to seem tough was lowkey shook

and haechan just laughed really sarcastically 

“our music taste is shit? your outfit is a mess” 

your outfit was literally a large hoodie and uggs but like??your mom bought them and u liked them!!

“my mess of an outfit is worth more than that tragic cheap dye job you got ontop of your scalp smh”

haechan just gaped at you while the boys tried to hide their snickers 

you were about to leave before another one of them stepped forward, stretching out his hand

“yo you’re kinda funny, i’m renjun!” 

u just stared at his hand 

“yeah cool i dont care, bye”

ohhhh cold

you had stalked off from them ignroing their oooo savages behind you, ready to slip back into bed highkey proud of yourself 

BUT

not so fast

suddenly your met with a really smiley face with pink hair

he grabs your hand and kisses the back of it giving you his usual, heart stopping smile

“i don’t think i’ve seen you before...i’m jaemin and its very nice to meet you (◕‿-)“

but you are not liking his large ass smile

you rip your hand back and just arch your eyebrow again at him

“are you all actually deaf? I am y/n, and I do not care! goodnight!” 

and off you storm, this time actually making it to your door

you spare one more glance at them as you’re closing it 

and the group are almost crying bc they’re laughing so hard at jaemin whose looking over at you 

and he just winks at as u slam the door shut 

damn reader, ur wildt

once you’re back in your room you hear the group disappearing down the street, smiling as you hear frank ocean’s voice float away slowly

you peak out your window to see if they’re all gone but what you see leaves your mouth gaping

there in a mix of luminous pink and greens, spelled out in capitals is

TILL NEXT TIME Y/N ♥

there was gona b a next time??? oh no poor you ;)

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 11 notes (i’ll fix them one day but i’m agro this was tea hate this)

Two minute one shot while dom pees

Adam has a floaty tube

Asyna can't turn into a hippo

Giant seahorse

Jane austen

Elizabethh and darcy my hands are shaking

Dom has 4e books

Dom was pretty out of it last session

It's afternoon

Dom is toasty

In jacob's other campaign a goat bit off his penis so the goat's name is richard byter

"at first the goat was reluctant"

"what a goat"

Last week on dragon heist

We were meandering through the city

"one of you met with an old friend, briefly"

Zoo time

Aerana knows where the zoo is in the sea ward

Raised brick gate w high walls; on top are intricate metal railing spiked stuff

Entrance is v wide, not too many people going in bc it's raining a lot

Maybe

Apparently the weather is super important and I still don't know why the weather is so important

It is currently raining

Pouring

Ticket booth in the front

Gold piece per person

Botanic repository

We walk up to the booth covering ourselves w the hoods we have

Velvet rope line but we just navigate through it like in shrek

Adam goes first

Walks in and see smiling figure, human male middle-aged, heavyset, festive outfit, "thank you for visiting - oH how's it going?!" it's volo

He's doing research for his newest obok

Hi jacob's dad

Jacob's gonna go fishing

Volo under impression he would be one of zoological experts but no

"recommendations?"

They brought monsters in from the isle of chault

Points us off to the exhibit to go

Originally zoo was not a zoo as we think of but like throwing them in a pit and being like look at them think httyd

Now it's closer to what we'd consider a modern day zoo

Lots of foliage

It's a big zoo

Like the San diego zoo

Or disneyland

Dom talks abt his brother's haircut

We can run through it

Can asyna just sprint

Aerana and asyna r gonna run

Adam cel and theo r gonna not run

Most of the zoo taken up by exhibits devoted to the island

Looking in the entryway a lot of ppl r carrying pamphlets n papers and speaking in foreign tongues like tourists or smth ig

Adam casts disguise self to make him look as fancy as everyone else

Has feathered cloak

Three major pathways

Chault exhibits for weird stuff r left

Marine stuff and some chault r forward

To the right r monsters from the interior continent

Adam cel and theo (?) go to the right

Most ppl r in pairs

A lot of biologist-type ppl; ppl who look like they're used to handling animals

First real exhibit on the right is a human woman inside the exhibit throwing down pieces of meat to lions

Is asyna a moon druid ? Yes

How did the human woman get there ? But she doesn’t notice

"does this zoo have dippin dots" - lillian 2020

Perception check, 15

There r ppl selling stuff, sees dejected gnome sitting under a pedal cart w a dingy umbrella and he's grumpy n angry

Adam walks over to him

Selling diff snacks n refreshments

He's mostly selling a fizzle pop

Strawberry flavor, blueberry, butterfly flavor

"are ur fizzle pops made w organic butterflies ? Bc I'm kinda on a diet rn"

Adam says it's disgusting

"I'll have a blueberry thank you"

Cel is gonna try the butterfly one

It's sweet; doesn't taste like blood but does taste almost nutty

So like what I would think pistachio tastes like

Fun size popsicle

Theo gets strawberry

They go to the next exhibit

A really vertical exhibit

 Oneshot

Cel is gonna try and ride seahorse asyna but rolls a nat 1 for acrobatics and then a nat 1 for dex save

Smashes head on rim of the pool, bleeding out and unconscious

Healing words from adam

Climbs out of the pool

The water is now red

Three children on the other side of the pool

One of them gets really excited and pees when adam tells them that there's a chemical that turns pool water red

Asyna left the pool when the kid peed

Asyna leads everyone over to the hospital

Adam is gonna try and healing words fix cel

Cel is back to full health

One of the kids is crying scared when she finds out the water is blood

Theo is gonna go get the kids ?

Ok back to the zoo

There's a hippo exhibit

We go check it out

On the way there run into different typical zoo stuff

Apes

Monkeys

The younger ppl r around these exhibits

A lot of closed sections bc of weather like "don't worry next winter this animal will be back"

Alligators

Ringtails that r lemurs ringtail lemurs

Birds

Carefully curated trees that r uber high

Hawks and giant eagles

Oops my phone froze

Tap on the glass to say hi to the what now

Theo wants it to come say hi to her

Animal handling check, 10

Can't attract their attention but

The hippos

Asyna has speak with animals LMAO

Basically can't talk to worms

No more tapeworm talk :/

"Theo says hi . This is theo"

"everybody gangsta until they find out jacob thinks barney is a hippo" - dom 2020

Colombian drug lord one time built private zoos and the hippos broke out but now there's a hippo problem in colombia

Pablo escovar

Speak with animals is ten minutes

We're also probably fighting later

We're gonna talk to the hippos

Theo waves

One of them paddles over and tries to sniff

"hm . Can you eat it ?"

"pleaes don't"

 I just remembered seaweed is not a plant it's an algae

This hippo does not have a name

Calls sister sister

"ask about juicy hippo gossip" - adam

"no but if I did I would share it"

Originally zoo was place for research

Anything else to ask hippos before we check out rare animals ?

The hippo floats away and we say bye

To the chault exhibits

Getting late but there r a lot more researchers

First exhibit has a lot of strange, unfamiliar trees

Monkeys w really big fluffy sideburns clustering around overhanging branches bc it's raining

Some of them r taking leaves and using them to keep the rain off

One of the monkeys hops off the branch

The sideburns actually extend into wings and it goes to another branch

"it's like the wizard of oz"

"adam what's the wizard of oz"

Flying monkeys

Adam walks over to a researcher and asks the most must-see

Woman who is probably from chault bc wearing strange woven beret w branches n stuff

Alien to anything they've seen

"I would point you in the direction of the behemoths"

"what are behemoths"

Adam rolls nature check

9, he doesn't know what a behemoth is

She is from chault

Behemoths r considered friends there

Asyna and aerana know where chault is

Everyone else just knows chault is v far away, almost like a nightmare story told to children

Described as a hellscape

"I'd sooner go to chault than-"

Asyna and aerana know chault is a massive island to the sw of the sword coast, home to v tropical, intensely humid climate w lots of rain + some invasions in the past but now things r opening up

We're gonna check out the behemoths

From a distance, this exhibit much larger than others, much more heavily excavated

Not so much walls as railing looking into a deep cavern

All manner of plant life brought in to accommodate the creatures

Huge lizard of some kind

Huge size category

Irl a horse is large

Humans and dwarves are medium

Exhibit says it's a macetail behemoth

Ground trembles w each step of the behemoth

Slow, ponderous

Gigantic armored lizard w tough plating on its back and spikes on the sides of its head w bony, protective coverings all over it

Massive swinging tail protruding bone swinging back and forth as it walks

Looks like that one dinosaur

We would call it an ankylosaurus

Things that go over my head : see description bullet points before this

Tail end of speak with animals

Asyna can turn into dinosaurs

"you look really cool do you have a name"

One of them looks up but doesn't really respond

Doesn't answer

Look for velociraptors

Gonna look at all the exhibits

Spirehorn behemoths

Faces almost look like shields

Triceratops

Alien to us tho

I can't believe that like as dom's explaining these everyone else can like ,, imagine it

Like that's crazy they see pictures inside their heads

Feathered behemoths

Occasionally jump around

Claws and walk around on two legs

Bloodspike behemoth

Stegosaurus, baby and two parents

Asyna can turn into a deinonychus

We have enough time for one more exhibit

We see a creature alone in its pen save for two researchers dropping treats in front of it, other has a pickaxe and is tapping the ground and scooping smth up trailing the creature and brushing it into a bin

Creature reflects rainbow of colors ? I think

Huge snail, has three eyestalks but they kind of droop down and have heavy spikes off each individual one

Cel reads description

Flail snail?

It's a big boi

Described not as a beast but as something that comes from a realm of earth

As it moves it excretes glass

Generally docile but if prodded r really dangerous bc the things it has r more weapons than eyes

Adam asks if it's a petting exhibit

The flail snail is just as slow as a regular snail

"that is the most disgusting magic resistance I've ever seen in my entire life" - jacob 2020

Everything starting to shut down

We realize we should probs skedaddle

Time to find loser boy

Rain has not stopped but has kinda calmed down

Heading straight to the wig shop

Lamps in the trades ward r lit

Brighter than what we've seen recently

Adam peers into the shop

Perception check

6, tries to get water off the window, looks empty

Theo's gonna pick the lock

25, it's a simple lock and theo gets it open easily

Shop is empty

Somewhat eerie for those without darkvision bc the mannequins

Cel will go and investigate the back room, door is locked

Theo tries opening again

23, opens easily

Immediately smells weird powder

A lot of the perfumes for preserving dyes n stuff kept back here

Cel makes a perception check

16

V organized, neat and tidy

Manhole cover in the back

Sewer system v advanced in waterdeep but also means there's a lot of it

A lot of ppl will build over sewer openings bc cheaper real estate

"sewer access authorized city officials only"

Adam rolls nat20 for boxes

Looking for anything necromancy related, licking things, doing all manners of investigation

Feels a small leather sack, pulls it out, kinda heavy

Opens it up, sees coins that are kind of heavier and thicker; not silver, 5 platinum pieces

Platinum is 10 gp each

Could take the platinums

Scry the money and sack

There are cupboards at the front desk

Necromancy considered suspicious, looked down upon

"ah . It's like watching anime ." - jacob 2020

"no, it's not like watching anime" - dom 2020

The art itself is not a crime but the things that occur in tandem w it r usually crimes

Discussing what to do in character

Cel insight check, 16

Earlier dom mentioned we're aware many ppl in waterdeep use the sewers to traverse unseen in the city; kinda suss the building was built on top of a sewer

Adam is borrowing aerana's warhammer

Adam hits the floor, leaves big dent and a v loud sound

Cel makes strength check w advantage w crowbar

Rolls a 12, can't get it open

Can sort of shift it up

Adam smashes a jar over the floor

Dex check, 5

Cloud of neon yellow sprays out like a cloud of dust and smoke, just the color

Covered in bright yellow dye

Theo tries lockpicking

23, lock is more difficult and takes a little longer, but eventually it opens

Once it's opened, the chains undo themselves and snake out on their own accord

It's just a dark hole

Can see a short drop that leads to a staircase

Adam holds lantern

Cel's just gonna go w adam at the front, pitch dark

Darkvision lets us see to some extent; everything is in grayscale

Lantern beam does help us see a little

Asyna closer to front as well

Leads to a room, 10' x 20'

Descending down short flight of stairs, room totally bare save for a barred door that u can see out of, also locked

Hear faintly some water

Theo rolls 23 for lockpicking

Door opens

Adam investigating room for secret door, tunnel, anything

Investigation check, 10 and 5 for investigation checks

Look around but room is barren

Nothing stashed anywhere, nothing to indicate a secret door or anything

Adam and cel step out, to immediate right extends for 10ish feet before merging into wall

Directly in front is water and like a sewer river flowing to the right

"are there any rats" "make a perception check" "nat 1"

To left, passage curves so hard to see but for at least 40 or so feet the pathway continues

Adam rolls another 5 for investigation check

We eventually get to a small stone bridge

I FORGOT I RESEARCHED THE SEWER SYSTEMS idk if I should bring it up I brought it up

A 15 intelligence check

Waterdeep's sewers are a subject of fascination for the city

You know the passageway like the one ur in often has arteries or iron doors set in them leading to different areas

Also know sometimes due to poor planning or smth some areas without walkways also have access tunnels

There's a bridge ? Nasty water under it

Over the bridge we go

Cel rolls a 22, plenty of damp areas around ,, no light in the passage, walking for a minute or so and w each step just hear a wet squelching noise; we're leaving behind wet, muddy footprints

No sign of recent mud in front of us

10 minutes go by and every once in a while pass side arteries w more sewage flowing in

This part seems relatively well planned

Can only go straight ? No other curvature in the path

Traveling south

"I'm gonna try and get that rat" - adam 2020

Adam picks up the rat for sleight of hand check

22

"you're able to grab up that rat pretty good" - dom 2020

Adam holds rat out to asyna and tells her to do her thing

"hey buddy"

"uh you have to cast your spell first"

"hey pal how's it going"

"let me go"

"uh we'll let you go if you answer some of our questions"

"don't even"

"no he's saying don't eat him"

"my friend here holding you is gonna take a big chomp of you if you don't answer our questions"

"have you seen anyone"

"don't know"

"I open my mouth"

"I kind of want to squeak" - marguerite 2020

Rat points north

Adam wants a piece of string to tie onto the rat like a leash

Adam is starting to feel short of breath after 10 minutes of walking

"that's either from the powder . Or the key"

Adam doesn't feel indigestion right now just that it's difficult to get air

Adam tries to tie a leash to the rat

Dex check

Nat1

Rat runs away

We go back the way we came, another 10 minutes, we pass three of those stone bridges

Cel investigation checks the dead end again, adam will give bardic inspiration

"Open sesame" - song

18, nothing there

It's a maze, we'll try naya

Adam takes out sack of platinum

Naya appears, looks around and shudders and bounds away

Following the deer

Naya is guiding back to where we originally where

Moving south again

Looks at passage back again passage then vanishes

Naya was standing on one of the bridges

First artery

It's a passage

We gotta wade through the sewer

Aerana readies weapon

Wading through, halflings get disgusting smth in their boots

Passage goes 20 ft before turning on a diagonal, turn onto passageway then it extends v far into distance

"adam's adding to the sewage right now probably" - jacob 2020

Adam's feeling lightheaded

Cel makes medicine check on adam

Rolls a 6, don't know what's wrong bud

Adam rolls around in the sewer water to get the powder off ??

I guess he is

Adam makes a constitution save, a 3

OH? OH NO

The yellow stuff is off but adam is smeared in shit

Did I make a good or bad decision

We keep going but adam feels better like fine like nothing's wrong

Oh no adam's gonna die it's like hypothermia where u feel super hot at first then u die

Passageway stretches on for awhile until coming across a rusty ironed door raised so that we'd have to step up to access it

Aerana makes perception check on the door, 20 not a nat

Hears people shouting and what appears to be a cat

Can't tell if the shouting is bad or not

Theo wrings out cape

Go up to the door, realize there's no lock; the entire lock has fallen out bc the door is so rusty

Adam checks door for traps, 12 investigation

Does not appear to be trapped, looks p old

Adam is in middle, cel towards back, aerana at front

About 25' ahead is a wider chamber and a door set into the wall, the areas are lit

We already walked through the rusty door

Massive screeching sound that came from the door when u opened it

Gotta b stealthy

Door to the right is unlocked

Adam opens the door open, looks like a storage room w different crates and sacks; bland

Some water barrels, adam pours it on himself; the rest of us also do it

Moving into room adjacent to passageway; triangle things in the wall has arrow stuff to make it easier to fire from but the room looks abandoned

Deeper in we go

Don't go that far but hit a wider room extending out 40'

Center of the room; at one point looks like there was a wall covering the room but has since collapsed; several ppl looking at us

Far corner opposite to us is an old halfling man in dark robes, clutching wound at chest, long gray braid down back staring at us as if he heard we were coming

In front of him are two smiling skeletons

It's the necromancer

The skeletons r also looking at us

They appear to be guarding him

In front of skeletons are three kenku looking at us

Bingbong is not one of the kenku

"I can explain" - adam

"we came down here and I was covered in shit and" adam casts pyrotechnics centered in between skeletons and kenku

Initiative

Aerana, 19

Cel, 17

Asyna, 15

Adam, 15

Theo, 9

Aerana

Holds attack, if kenku move within 5 ft of her she'll attack

Cel

Skeletons have bows and shortswords

Kenkus have shortswords

Will hold an action if attacked

Skeletons

Appear to b human skeletons, medium size

Lash out at kenku

One kenku able to parry away an attack, other skeleton slashes another kenku

Asyna

Attacks kenku closest to her, the one not hit

15, "what are you attacking with" "iiiiiiiii don't knowwwwwwwwwww"

Asyna turns into ape

Runs up to terrified kenku

Swings both times but it gets out of the way and hisses like a cat

Adam

Casts pyrotechnics on kenku

One passes, one fails

Failed one is blinded for next turn

Cutting words on the kenku by asyna

Kenku

Blind

Tries to escape, skeleton misses and kenku staggers away and starts feeling way along wall and runs into room west of where we are

Other one

Makes attack on skeleton, half of ribcage slashed but it's still standing

Other other one

Tries to attack ape, misses

Halfling

Stands up, tries to flee

Theo

Hits kenku that tried to get asyna, 5 damage

Has sneak attack, deals 12 damage

Arrow shot into neck, still alive but not for long

Aerana

13 damage to other kenku

"how do you want to do this"

Kenku drops dead

Skeleton turns smiling to aerana

Cel

15 to hit, 6 damage, dead

"how do you want to do this"

Pulls arrow back as far as she can "and I don't know if it's bingbong, but I'm gonna pretend it's bingbong and shoot it right through his eye socket"

"I want to keep bingbong as a pet" - jacob 2020

"kenku are sentient beings, that would be slavery" - dom 2020

Looking around we see the bodies of three other kenku and remains of two other skeletons

The skeletons attack aerana

One hits, 3 damage

Asyna

Goes into the room to follow the halfling and the kenku

Some kind of exit around

The blinded kenku is in here

Can reach halfling or kenku

Marguerite wants to hug the halfling

Athletics check to do it

21

Old man screams but asyna can hold him, unable to escape

Kenku still feeling around on the floor

Adam

Follows asyna

Gonna cast sleep

Kenku falls asleep

Yells over at the halfling

"can you call off your skeletons please"

Halfling

Loser boy's turn

I don't remember how to spell losser unless it's losser

Tries to escape asyna's grasp

"he does not escape your grasp"

Asyna rolls another athletics check

17, he does not escape

Theo

14 to hit, 16 damage

"how do you want to do this"

Arrow to the skull just goes really far in and the skull falls off as do misc bones

Aerana

Misses hit

Tries to thrust forward w sword but it drops and contracts, sword slipping through ribcage

Cel

19 to hit

8 damage, hits shoulder and arm falls off

Skeleton

Misses

Asyna

Waddles the halfling over to adam

Gives him a little squeeze

Adam

baned halfling

And cutting words

No cutting words nvm

Halfling

Asyna rolls a 25

Can't squirm out

"unhand me there are more of them there are more kenku"

Theo

"ok. Bye bye skeleton boy"

22 to hit

12 damage

"how do you want to do this"

Hits him in the smile; teeth knocked out and all of it collapses like a xylophone type noise as the bones hit the floor

Out of combat

Aerana ties up sleeping kenku

Adam casts charm person

Cel is gonna loot

Investigation check, 7

10 gold combined on the kenku; takes

Halfling is charmed to consider adam a dear old friend

Says he just finished work on his new purse; his fanny pack (basically)

Not sure we recognize the material

Adam says he knows who sent the kenku

"you have the stone"

"they stole it from me"

Says he randomly found a nice stone from a rat

Adam puts his hand on loser boy's shoulder and asks if he wants to work from home

Trying to convince loser boy to come with us

Declines

The purse is made out of elf skin

Bc it's supple

Adam trying to get a magical weapon out of loser boy

Has a potion that protects from necromancers

Persuasion check, 24

Goes into side closet

Damage resist potion

Aerana kills him

Wow are you ?? Desensitized ?? Are you desensitized or does it help not being able to see anything ever

Adam rummages through loser boy's desk

Investigation check, 15

False bottom to one of the desk drawers w 100 gold inside

Cel investigation checks loser boy, 13

Finds a little wand w a skull tip

Adam is gonna look at the purse

This bag is a faint gold

Adam shakes the kenku awake, wisdom 13 saving throw

Fails

Charm person

Making dog noises

"you want to take us to your friends"

"I don't know where they are"

"then let's just go back to your base"

"get back to base ? No one knows where that is"

Adam introduces himself, mentions bingbong

Gets theo and cel's names, mimics sound of a hammer hitting metal when asked his name

His name is bonk now

Asks asyna's name, asyna is still an ape

Big hairy git

Aerana says she'll trade information for her name

Adam swings warhammer into ground to threaten kinda

Adam makes 12 insight check

We don't recognize any of the voices he uses

Asks if we live in a hole

Asks if the house is nice

Copies adam's voice for the house boom

Adam asks if he knows about the puppet

"couldn't tell you if I knew"

Nat20 adam runs insight check across entire conversation

He's lying abt not knowing where his friends are

I DFJGSLGJS THAT'S WHAT I WAS SAYING ABT US STILL GIVING UP INFORMATION ASFKJAFD

Adam asks him why he was lying

Hear a voice we've never heard before

But this one in particular is bizarre and warped as if it's through some filter

"do you know what happens when you lie to me"

Adam

Anyone w passive perception over 9 hears a bottle break and a door slam in one of the rooms to the south

Cel hits his brain basically

Some of you starting to piece together that smth strange is happening

Pattering of footsteps from room to the south

Session over for the night

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tiggity tagged by @sam-carter-in-training

Are you named after anyone? not that i know of? my uncle is really into King Arthur so I have a sneaking suspicion Sir Kay may be an influence

When was the last time you cried? hmmm i think a couple weeks ago at an improv show? they did this show show revolving around short sketches of ppl stuck in an airport, and there was a couple whose Thing was recreating how they met when they were upset- they met at camp roasting marshmallows, so they made a campfire right. in the airport and i laughed so hard I thought I was going to throw up

Do you like your handwriting? it’s a godawful spiky mess. i also need superfine pens bc I move the pens as little as possible thanks to learning cursive all through elementary school. 

What’s your favorite lunch meat? ooooh that good good expensive spanish ham or a nice well-done roast beef even tho i think it smells like feet it tastes. so good. 

Do you have kids? nope, and i will never birth anybody that is some straight up body horror shit

If you were a different person, would you be friends with you? god no I’m a sad greasy wreck with bad teeth and visible anxiety

Do you use sarcasm? i don’t think i’ve ever stopped?

Do you still have your tonsils? Yes.

Would you bungee jump?  absolutely fucking not

What’s your favorite cereal? cinnamon toast crunch, those shredded wheat squares with sugar icing, fancy granola with cashews innit

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? eh. halfway? just enough to get my feeties out

Do you think you are a strong person? physically no, i have fragile wrists and no upper body strength and my knees are falling apart. however, i have survived some really frightening infections and i hardly ever get shit like food poisoning? emotionally i am a wet paper towel 

What’s your favorite ice cream? chocolately things with lots of chunks and texture. luv me some cookie dough tho

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Eyes I think? How they hold themselves, if they’re a physically affectionate person?

What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself? oh boy my chin is so weak

What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? NO PANTS NO SHOES NO GODS NO MASTERS

What are you listening to right now? Outback Truckers, a show on Netflix about Australian truckers that is like comfort background noise bc it’s tense but they always get the job done

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? cobalt

Favorite smell? Well-cared for leather, clean clothes, wool, lavender

Who was the last person you talked on the phone with? My sister

Favorite sport to watch? winter olympics are cool bc there’s so much shit I’ve never heard of

Hair color? Blue.

Eye color? Brown.

Do you wear contacts? Very occasionally. 

Favorite food? MEAT AND CARBS CARBS AND MEAT AND SUGAR

Scary movie or comedy? Scary, bc I love me some vampires and apocalypse nonsense. 

Last movie you watched? PsyCHO, Margaret Cho’s Netflix special       

What color shirt are you wearing? Blue

Summer or winter? Winter fuck the heat

Hugs or kisses? neither don’t touch me or acknowledge that I have a physical form at all

Book you’re currently reading? I’m trying to read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? in between stuff at work but it’s been buckwild lately

Who do you miss right now? A sense of home and belonging and stability

What’s on your mouse pad? I’ve never had a mousepad in my life and the one at work is plain dark blue

What’s the last TV program you watched? still Outback Truckers

What’s the best sound? my door closing bc it’s like AH I’M HOME or I’LL BE RIGHT BACK 

Rolling Stones or The Beatles? Stones all the way, I will never not be in the mood to listen to Gimme Shelter

What’s the furthest you ever traveled? Key West I think? I spent most of my Formative Years in NJ.

Do you have a special talent? taking piles of broken old things and turning them into working things/programs

Where were you born? NJ, USA

[cnisms]

wanted plots & established connections !

ok cool... this rlly aint shit but ! i’ve come up with some ideas (or alex reminded me of a bunch of connections i wrote for an rp that never opened) that i’d be down for. they’re not in order or anything bc there’s a few that could work for a couple different muses so i’ll just list those details after each one. if u see smth u would be down for just ... lmk :P here is my muse list for quick reference. updated w more !!

01.  a box of friendship bracelets and low quality selfies from 2009 tucked away in a closet is all that survived a dynamic friendship that fizzled into nothing. as roommates, a & b shared everything – a set of first times included. then, interests they once shared began to change and both felt as if the other was leaving them behind. neither wanted to be seen chasing desperately after someone that wasn’t interested, so they both pretend they stopped caring long ago. (ex best friends, possibly romantic, misery !) paris, aja, arabella or angel for either muse a or b.

02. a & b were in an extremely close relationship for over a year, though their friends often debated the seriousness of it as they seemed to spend every second weekend broken up. heated arguments from friday were always completely forgotten by monday, much to everyone else’s frustration. it all came to an end when a particularly nasty argument forced a to take an abrupt vacation, coming back to find b already dating someone else. (ex romantic, drama n tension. that someone else could be an npc or another muse.) angel as muse a, percy as muse a, tomas as muse a or b, rosie as muse b, or luma as muse b.

03. though they had known one another for months before, a & b didn’t really clique until their first argument. ever since then, the two have held tight to their friendship and even more to their weekly debates. they fight about anything and everything, no matter how irrelevant or ridiculous. occasionally, things will get personal and they’ll go days without talking, but they always end up back on the same couch, ranting over wine and netflix. (close frenemies.) angel, alanis, rosie or zach as either muse.

04.  everyone was well aware that a & b had always been partners in crime, many people joking to watch out for the troublesome two. just like siblings, the best friends were often bickering about something, but the frequent fights about a’s selfishness or b’s envy always came to a fast close with a playful punch. of course, there had to be a tipping point. when a heard that b had hooked up with a’s recent ex in their absence, they quickly came to the conclusion that their friendship was done for good. the two haven’t exchanged a single kind word since. (friends turned enemies. same w #2, the ex could be another muse or just an npc.) wes, elizabeth or angel as a. tomas, alanis or luma as b.

05. though they’d never been particularly close friends, a & b knew to turn to each other when seeking something they couldn’t get from those closest to them. just sex, no strings attached. it was the perfect arrangement, until it became clear that a didn’t really care about b’s personal life. b remains desperate to keep the affair secret, while a grows tired of playing it so safe. (oops . cheating plot . muse b would have to be in some kind of relationship w someone else, they could be npc tho.) luma, cici or percy as muse a. elizabeth or rosie as muse b.

06.  intoxicated beyond reason when it was made, it’s no surprise that a & b regret a lot of the things on their bucket list. though they can back out whenever they want with no real consequence, neither are willing to be the first to stand down. with some of their tasks being embarrassing and most dangerous, everyone knows to watch out when these two get together to cross another challenge off the list. (dumbass friends always risking their lives for dares) percy, luma, constance or gia as either muse.

07. a & b spend more time together than apart, using expensive wine and room service to fill in the silence between giggles and gossip that should be used to address the elephant in the room: the mutual affection isn’t as platonic as they like to pretend.  with their own experiences of romantic feelings destroying important friendships, despite the fact they both feel they are ready to get serious, they can’t help but stress the risk in their minds and wait for the other to make the first move. (romantic !!) natalya, helena, gia or arabella as either xx.

08. few people are lucky enough to find that one person they can count on for anything and everything, that’s why a has grown to resent the other people in b’s life. unaware of the jealousy, b has grown tired of the series of petty arguments that a has been attempting to start with them more recently. of course, the issue being left unaddressed has only added fuel to the fire. a has moved on to underhandedly interfering with b’s relationship in an effort to get their best friend back. (toxic bffship. one can’t handle the other having outside relationships (whether theyre romantic or platonic idk) so they scheme n make issues) luma, elizabeth or angel as muse a. luke or zach as muse b.

09. though they had always been friends, a & b grew especially close at the beginning of last year, often ditching their friendship group to go on their own adventures. on one of their messier summer nights, they slept together. the affair continued for months before they finally agreed to end it, though they only really stayed away from each other due to the fight that followed the conversation. despite their ruined friendship, a & b are forced to work together to keep the secret buried as their group grows more and more suspicious of them. (two people within a squad who went from being friends to lovers to enememes. they cheated on their s/os at the time. even tho they’re mad at each other, they’re still friends with both the exes (or current partners if any of them are still together) so they’re trying to keep their drama secret. the friendship group/partners could be other muses but also npc ? so much easier) luma, zach, paris, helena, ajay or gia as either muse.

10. committed to enmity, a & b have never let their mutual friends get in the way of their hatred for each other. there are very few events they consider important enough to save the argument for later, no strangers to bickering over brunches and formal dinners. though both refuse to give any real reasoning for their beef, everyone has their own idea. a & b grew tired of waiting for the other to apologize for the drama, deciding they’re beyond ever becoming friends. (enemies that are always being forced together by their mutual friends, detailed backstory could be developed) luma, mari, tomas, zach, ajay, helena, angel or anyone rlly as either.

11. always swearing the other was the love of their life, everyone was shocked at the demise of a & b’s very public relationship. though a appeared to deal with this much better than b, moving on to a string of hookups soon after the breakup, neither made any attempt at trying to play civil for the sake of the group. it wasn’t until just recently, when they were forced to be alone together for the first time in over a year, that they began to talk. a warm friendship quickly blossomed, though awkward moments are neither few nor fleeting as unresolved heartbreak hangs in the air. (lovers finally turned friends w a nice touch of angst) luma or zach as muse a. aja, helena or luke as muse b.

12. though a & b often claim that their beef is simply due to conflicting personalities, it’s quite clear that their separate histories with the same people play a huge part in their inability to get along. the extremity of this differs day to day, sometimes acting as frenemies exchanging snide remarks, to full blown screaming matches that secretly entertain those around them. everyone else has come to accept the fact that the two have no interest in forming a genuine friendship. (2 ppl who hate eachother bc of a mutual ex. could be an npc or another muse) tomas, percy, rosie or alanis as either.

13. a & b were quick to become best friends and have never been anything else since the day they met. for them, it’s nice knowing that someone always has their back no matter what goes on in their lives, but the rest of their friends aren’t so fond of them together. others often complain that they’re tired of the two always getting involved and fighting each other’s battles. as life forces them apart more and more often, they’ve begun to wake up to the codependent nature of their friendship. (codependent bffs that need to cool it but just love each other so dang much it ain’t easy) aja, zach or elizabeth as either.

14. a & b were always a ‘will they, won’t they’ situation to those around them, one always being interested in the other at the wrong time. they often joke about all the missed opportunities and behave as if they’re fine just being friends, but with the mutual crush returning stronger than ever before, they know it’s only a matter of time before they have to sacrifice either their friendship or their other relationships. (right there . a will they/wont they kinda relationship. one or both would have to have a lil smth going on w/ another muse or npc for the drama) constance, rosie, arabella or ajay as either.

15. after the demise of a long relationship, a began hooking up with b. the agreement was that they’d be friends with benefits and nothing else, b even writing up a list of rules for a to abide by. unsurprisingly, it didn’t last long before a was falling hard for b. no real interest in a relationship with the other, b cut a off completely. a had no choice but to attempt to move on. since then, a has never attempted to play nice with b, who so coldly broke their heart. (fwb turned enemies !!) wes, arabella, luke or beck as muse a. alanis, tomas or luma as muse b.

16. when a felt as though all their relationships were falling apart, b was there to comfort them. what was intended to be just a shoulder to cry on grew into a pure and satisfying friendship that exceeds all expectations. people often pressure the two to date and they won’t deny they’ve each had a desire to do so at different times, but they’ve dismissed these feelings as passing crushes. (platonic, fleetingly romantic) wes, aja, paris or zach as either.

17. a & b are about as different as two people can be, proving that opposites do not always attract. a makes no effort to hide the fact that they think lowly of b, while b isn’t afraid to put a in their place. there are a few, rare moments between arguments where they’ll feel bad for what was said and maybe even share a laugh, but this never lasts long before they’re bickering about something else. (negative) rosie, elizabeth, tomas, mari, helena, arabella or percy as a. wes, zach, paris or gia as b.

18. once a realized people always want what they can’t have, they quickly covered up their long-term crush on b and began giving them the cold shoulder. not much time went by before b took the bait, discovering a new interest in a. they’ve been playing this game of cat and mouse for quite some time, though neither are willing to throw in the towel. despite pretending otherwise, a enjoys the attention, but they’re looking for commitment, and they’re well aware that b is just looking for fun. (romantic (kinda)) aja, arabella or helena as a. rosie, percy or luma as b.

19. ‘ride or dies’ is the term most would use to describe a & b. together, they’ve been through more than most people can imagine. surely, you would think, there has to be a line you’d draw, even when it comes to your best friend. a & b, however, are dangerously committed to each other. it doesn’t matter what one says or does, the other will always have their back without a second thought of the consequences. (another pair of dumbass bffs) angel, zach, paris, gia or luma as either.

20. a & b never really got along, always failing to understand what their friends saw in the other. unlike other people within their group, they were always good at remaining civil for everyone else’s sake, but it’s grown increasingly difficult. following a recent blow up, a & b have realized that what they share may no longer be disinterest, both secretly blaming the argument on sexual tension. (enemies that wanna [ b vc ] smex it) rosie, natalya, ajay or alanis as either.

21. it was just luck that a & b ended up at the same resort on vacation years ago, agreeing to make the most of it. somewhere between sneaking out at night and away from their families during the day, the two fell in love. it seemed perfect and a couldn’t imagine anything better, which is why they were so shocked when they got home and b acted as if nothing happened between them and began dating someone else. while a never cried over b, they had an extremely difficult time getting over b. (exes) mari, bobbie, gia or paris as either tbh. cici as b.

22. just because a & b can’t say exactly when and how they wound up in an exclusive relationship, doesn’t mean it’s not important to them. what was meant to be just another fling escalated into something serious quite naturally, though there are some shared moments where they feel as if they’re back to being nothing more than friends. too distracted by their own outside interests to commit to solving these currently minuscule problems, the two risk destroying their relationship. (ppl who are dating but sometimes it seems like they’re nothin more than friends. could be poly!!) zach, luke, paris or aja as either.

23. a & b are always getting accused of being frenemies by those around them, and they’re unlikely to reject that idea, even when they’re together. for as long as anyone can remember, the two have traded petty insults and pressured one another into terrible ideas. still, no matter how bad things get, they continue to spend every other day attached at the hip, trying to get the other into trouble. (another frenemy plot just w more headassary) gia, percy or luma as either.

24. both strong personalities on their own, a & b together are a force to be reckoned with. the two had a strong friendship, always supporting each other, until they both admitted their deepest secrets. when they sobered up, they decided they’d made a mistake, but weren’t willing to talk about it. now burdened with another secret that could hurt others, as well as knowing the other could ruin their own relationships at any moment, the pair have no idea how to act around each other. (basically friends who arent on the best terms rn after finding out each others deepest n darkest secrets which would have to be worked out obviously) tomas, natalya or mari as either.

25. much to their disgust, people are always asking a & b if they are related due to their constant bickering. after dating for years, the two felt they grew to know each other too well, ending the romantic relationship to just be friends. staying true to their word, they have remained incredibly close. whenever one has an embarrassing question or a disgusting story to share, it’s the other they text. they figure there’s no harm done as they’ve already seen each other at their worst. (romantic turned platonic) gia, bobbie, zach or beck.

26. a year ago, a would have done anything for b, believing they had the perfect, fairy-tale romance going on. truthfully, it was almost perfect, which is exactly why b felt the need to screw it up before they got too deep. in the long run, the carefully considered decision to cheat on a ended up hurting b just as much. now that a has moved on and is comfortable in b’s company again, they’ve begin to regret the loss. despite their previous fears, b has become determined to win a’s affection back. (romantic. angsty . whom knows) arabella, bobbie or luke as a. rosie or tomas as be.

27. a & b are described as being a package deal. you get both or you get none, one rarely being seen without the other. the best friends are known to take spontaneous trips without notifying anyone else, sometimes putting them at odds with the rest of their friends, who the two often accuse of being jealous of their friendship. because of their commitment to one another, a’s social life suffers due to b’s preference for staying in and hanging out one on one. while a tries to be understanding of b’s situation they can’t help the feeling of resentment that grows every time they turn down another invitation to stay at home with b. (best friends who have conflicting ideas of fun) bella, alanis, paris, percy or luma as a. wes, zach, natalya or helena as b.

28. a & b have become known for club hopping all night and drinking too much when together, often forcing them to cancel plans with their other friends the day after. because of this, everyone else has grown to dislike the pair’s friendship, but that only forces them closer together. it’s true that all they really do together is encourage each other’s bad habits, but they’re too busy having fun to notice. (again. pals who need to sort their priorities out but will they ? probably not.) luma, elizabeth, percy, cici or constance as either.

29.  for years, a & b have been confusing others with their constantly changing relationship status. they will spend a few months in an exclusive relationship, a few months in an open relationship, then a few months apart, only to go back and start all over again. currently on their third month of being together, everyone is watching and waiting for the cracks to show before walking away from the relationship yet again. (break up..make up.. total ..waste of.. time) zach, paris, mindy or gia as either.

30. often labeled as high school sweethearts, a & b have been serious for years. for a long time, the two shared an extremely conventional relationship, both very happy with their situation. however, with their lives changing in recent years, changes to the relationship were unavoidable. both feel neglected by the other more often than not, but whenever an issue is brought up, it only leads to an argument. while everyone else expects the two to get engaged any day now, a & b often question if they still really want to be together. (they dont actually have 2 be high school sweethearts just a couple thats been together ... for a long while n things are getting rough.) arabella, ajay, beck, zach or aja as either. alternatively could be an exes plot n a few yrs after the breakup n i can offer rosie, helena, natalya & luke on top of the others.

31. once close friends, a & b drifted apart when other relationships got in the way. even though they saw a lot of each other following, things between the two have been tense for years. after sharing a kiss in a silly game at a recent party, a & b were able to have a laugh together for the first time in forever. since then, their friendship has been on the mend, but this may not be a good thing. with both noticing some romantic feelings growing them, they suspect that their relationship may come to an uglier end this time. (ex pals turned crushes who truly are not compatible) bobbie, beck, zach or rosie as either.

32. a & b’s relationship is only a few months old, and the two are still very much in the honeymoon phase of things. flashing their pet names and exciting dates on instagram, they’ve convinced themselves that things are perfect. however, a appears to have taken the agreement that things between them should remain as relaxed as possible a little more seriously than b would have liked. a often fails to invite b to certain events and outings, assuming they would prefer not to go anyway. this grates on b’s nerves, who is beginning to feel that a doesn’t spend enough time with them. (a new relationship struggling between being casual n legit) paris, aja, ajay or gia as a. arabella, zach or beck as b.

33. despite already knowing each other, a & b weren’t all that close before hooking up. their friends with benefits arrangement lasted for months before they began seeing other people more seriously. since calling it off, the two have remained incredibly close, leading others to believe that their relationship is more than platonic. (fwb turned just friends but like ... there is potential) wes, angel, bobbie, ajay, zach or rosie as either.

[markleesgiggle]

Tagged by @taebreez TY FOR TAGGING ME JUNE! AGH I MISS YOU LETS TALK AGAIN SOON <3

Rules: Answers these 92 statements and tag 20 people

LAST:

1. Drink: water

2. Phone Call: my grandma called to check up me and my fam lel

3. Text message: my friend yelling to me that she saw some insta famous person while she was out and I was SHOOK 

4. Song you listened to: Bling Bling-iKON-K SO LIKE THIS SONG IS MY SHIT AND I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT

5. Time you cried: Like last month over some guy-HAHAHA I don;t like feelings ewww

6. Dated someone twice: lel I haven't even been in a relationship *aggressive coughing* *whispers* bOI MAKE A MOVE ALREADY I AM WAITING 

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone either. Lel fun fact every time ppl at parties wanted to play spin the bottle I’d YEET my way out of the room 

8. Been cheated on: nopE

9. Lost someone special: yeahhhhh

10. Been depressed: I don’t think I’ve ever been or am depressed. Ya know just occasional sad times and emo nights 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: if i did it would be illegal LEL. BUT NOPE ALCOHOL TASTES GROSS

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12-14. YELLOW, blue, black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: YES! SO MANY AND I LOVE THEM ALL

16. Fallen out of love: NoPe

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes literally yesterday because my friend accidentally punched me in the face and I was laughing so hard i started to cry but also cause that shit hurt 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: mhmmm-but you can;t please everyone-they don’t like me just cause I am who I am but ISS whatever I really don’t care

19. Met someone who changed you: Oui

20. Found out who your friends are: yesssss-it;s so sad to think that there are so many fake ppl out there now

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t have facebook 

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t have it lel

23. Do you have any pets: sadly no-I WANT A PUG THOUGH 

24. Do you want to change your name: NAHH

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I can’t even remember 

26. What time did you wake up: I woke up at nine today-rip i should be sleeping in cause its summer but nope

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to get my friend to explain to me how he got hit by a car and got mad at him  cause he didn't tell me but then was okay with is cause he said he was okay and it hurt only a little...CONNOR UR A SHIT AND U WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE THIS BUT LIKE CAN U CALL ME OR SOMEONE NEXT TIME YOU FUCKING GET HURT WHEN SKATEBOARDING?! THANKS

28. Name something you can’t wait for: TO GO TO A CONCERT-BUT AS OF RN I AM RLLY EXCITED AND WAITING ON A JOB OFFER AND AJSHDJHFJSDHAJ

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: literally just rn, she just walked past me 

30. What is the one thing you wish you could change in your life: its not necessarily in my life but I;d want to help my parents and i’d change their jobs so that they would be doing something they love yet earning that paper 

31. What are you listening to right now: walking in the rain-Block B

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Well his names is Thomas...does that count 

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: so like I am coaching for a kids soccer league right? And all the kids are pissing me off I can’t. Like i love kids-but like UGHH

34. Most visited website: HMmmmM idk

35. Elementary: done

36. High School: YA GIRL IS GOING TO BE A JUNIOR

37. College: I am afraid to adult so I am trying to not think about it 

38. Haircolor: naturally dark brown

39. Long or short hair: I have mid length hair 

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes yes and I just like him a lot and ajsndjand

41. What do you like about yourself: I’m funny (or at least I think so) and I care about the people around me a lot 

42. Piercings: only my ear lobes but I want to get a cartilage or helix piercing 

43. Bloodtype: A

44. Nickname: Egg-OKAY SO LIKE ONLY MY FRIENDS CALL ME THIS CAUSE APPARENTLY I AM AN EGG

45. Relationship status: Single *cough cough* but like can he just make the first move

46. ???

47. Pronouns: she/her (fun fact: I feel like y’all don’t know but I am Bi so yah) 

48. Favorite TV Show: KIM BOK JOO WEIGHTLIFTING FAIRY- I WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS SHOW

49. Tattoos: NOPE BUT i WANT ONE 

50. Right or left: RIGHT (HANDED?)

51. Surgery: do I want it? no? i don’t understand what this is asking lel

52. Piercing: I want a helix or cartilage 

53. Sport: SOCCEERRRR-but i sadly don;t play anymore

54. ??

55. Vacation: it is summer and i am home in my bed-but I rlly wanna go all around Asia one day 

56. Pair of trainers: adidas? 

MORE GENERAL

57. Eating: nothing

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: get ready for bed cause I am secretly an old woman and need sleep 

60. ???

61. Waiting for: THE PLACE I APPLIED FOR A JOB TO CALL ME BACK 

62. Want: I really want to go to a concert oh my gosh 

63. Get married: Yeah one day 

64. Career: I’m probably going to go into child care social working-but I want to do something with music *sigh*

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: HUGSSS

66. Lips or eyes: lips

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: older

69. ???

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 

71. Sensitive or loud: both 

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship-hookups are just a no...das too messy and complicated 

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: neither 

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: LEL NO

75. Drank hard liquor: I am two years old

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope my glasses literally never leave my sight...cause their on my head or they are where I can see them

77. Turned someone down: yeahhh sorry dood

78. Sex in the first date: NO DAS WACK 

79. Broken someones heart: I HOPE NOT

80. Had your heart broken: close

81. Been arrested: NOPE I AM A GOODY TWO SHOES

82. Cried when someone died: yuhh

83. Fallen for a friend: yep currently my situation 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: HAHAHAHAH THAT’S A FUNNY ONE

85. Miracles: yeah I guess

86. Love at first sight: nope. I believe you can be infatuated with that person but love? nah

87. Santa Claus: ahhh lel I pretended to believe in him until I was like 12 cause more gifts... I was an evil child 

88. Kiss in the first date: ehhh

89. Angels: yeah I guess

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: Cass, Jamos, Candice, Laurene, Kaitlynn

91. Eyecolor: brown 

92. Favorite movie: hmmm I don’t think I can choose

I tag: @marklees-eyebrows @wonwooswonton @taeyongfireeyes @erinthekpoptrashcan @taeyongtown @kpopscenariosmadness @zaza-zoo @khhchild @joyrene @alienated-mediator (lel I don’t have 20 ppl to tag-If you don’t want to do this it’s cool you don’t have to cuties)

[gxrobs]

Haven't given y'all an update for a while so hopefully this won't be too long (its so fucking long...If you wanna scroll to the last paragraph there is a long story short )but I know some ppl feel personally invested in my love/sex life so here it goes!! 

Last time I was posting I was still obsessing over my neighbor and going crazy over wanting to fuck him again / wanting the time of day from him. Well, now I'm pretty much over that and for a few reasons - ya he's totally hot, like a real life babe, but he's also like the biggest asshole I've ever met and I can't even believe I was dickmatized enough to look past how badly he treats me / most women when he's not trying to fuck them. The only time he was ever "nice" to me was like the days leading up to us sleeping together and the only time after that he's been nice to me is like 2am drunk in his apartment (and not even nice just him making comments about my boobs or waist or something) but still...not really including me in conversation. Every time I see him I just try to be cordial and say what's up but he's just like "hi" and that's it. Honestly he’s probably weirded out by me being into him after we fucked (bc of various social media followers, yall know i post EVERYTHING) which I guess is fair because ya... it was kinda weird. So if he's been rude to me the last month to get me over it -- it worked. Over him! He aint that great....I've definitely slept w guys w better bodies and better attitudes. Fuck him and his Connor Mcgregor tattoos lmao.

ANYWAY, so after that fiasco I went to New Orleans and had sort of a shitty time at first just because the friend I went with was on some other shit, and we weren't getting along. So I started swiping away on tinder and matched w this guy Johnny and I wasn't really into it at first but then once I got a little drunk I was like "meet me" but I actually ditched him (fell asleep for 3 hrs) anyway eventually I met him and he walks up and he's immediately x3 hotter in person than he was in any of his pictures AND he comes up with a thick Greek accent and y'all.....I love the whole (eastern...ish) harsh European accent so I was like DAMN! So we had a great time, has great sex and by the morning we were pretty amazed at how into each other we were and the connection we had both physically and emotionally was wild and we spent the next two days together basically just fucking and talking about everything ever in life and it was a really great time and I'm prtty sure he's my soulmate. We even have plans for him to come and visit me in Florida next month! So that's cool, got that little babe in my pocket. Some issues arise w the language barrier because hes not the most fluent English speaker (he's only been here for like 6 months) and I obviously don't know any Greek so it's tough buuuuuut there's that. Also, what's wild is he's only 21!!!! Which is CRAZY? Never really into guys romantically who are anywhere near as young as I am so having a connection w a 21 y/o is crazy to me. Also...he looks so young compared to the guys I'm usually with (with the exception of my neighbor who is only like 22 every guy I've been with in at least the last 6 months has been 28-48) but in 10-20 yrs when he is in his prime god damn is he gonna be a killer... he looks like the spitting image of a younger, leaner,Max Riemlet tbh (Wolfgang from sense 8)

But despite me having found my "soulmate" I still have to live a life in Saint Augustine and get laid somehow so I've just been going out, meeting people and occasionally tindering. Last night I ended up sleeping with someone who I slept w when I was 19 and it was underwhelming (AGAIN) just like it was when I was 19...he was better I guess. We watched TWO fucking movies and drank and then it literally was like 20 mins of making out and I couldn't take it and it was so late and I was like "ok can we just fuck now" and he finished in...you guessed it....less than a minute...and I was like "uh ok I hardly moved??" He was like "yeah but you were moving from the inside and talking to me and making sounds" and I was like like LOL. I mean I guess...because he did feel good for the 45 Seconds but i like tried to move my hips with him and he made me stop cause he was gonna cum and then like 10 seconds later I think all I said was "ur cock feels so good" then he was like "oh shit" and fucking busted GOD DAMN IT?? So to have sex...I can't move....and I can't talk??? Lmao ok. I rlly did feel like a 19 y/o. Luckily (or maybe unluckily?) he lives literally across the street from me so I just got dressed and went home but before I went I was like "uh do u wanna take my number?" Yknow, because he felt good for the bit and I was thinking maybe if he just gets used to me he can go longer and I'm like HOW convenient would dick right across the street be??? Because dick right upstairs obviously work out... But he like paused for a few seconds and I was like "ok nvm thanks for cuming in a minute and not even trying to give me an orgasm have fun dude" and left and then he messaged me on tinder and was like "here is my number if you wanted it I'm deleting tinder now because i cant deal with fucking peoples feelings up" and I was like HA HA HA "I'm literally chilling idk what about that could've hurt my feelings but I left my glasses there if you could put them in my mailbox that would be great" and he said some shit about how he got dumped a week ago and how it's "not a good way to get over himself" but I didn't reply and I woke up in the morning and my glasses were where I asked them to be so I guess that's good. 

Also, I'm back on my Mitchell bullshit. We matched on tinder and I didn't say anything because i was trying to BE STRONG but I think it was Friday night and I drunk called him and he didn't say SHIT all day then last night at like midnight before I went over to that guys house he messaged me "you rang?" and we fell into our usually rapport and then later today he texted me so now we are back to talking? Maybe? Probably not.... and if we are I already know how it's gonna go but I'm a weak bitch I know i’m sorry but honestly he doesnt even hurt anymore. 

So yeah, that's where I'm at. Long fucking story short: I'm done w my dick head neighbor crush, I met my Greek soulmate in NOLA and miss him everyday but a future w him is next to impossible, especially bc he goes back to Greece in April and has to join the military....so I need to fill the void by getting laid and going back to the familiar rollercoaster ride of pain that is Mitchell. That's all folks. 

[blue-course]

I'm pissed and full of feelings so here's a rant about the main reason I don't ID as aro anymore So I started exploring if I was aro while in my second relationship, the girl I was dating was dealing with similar stuff and for reasons that don't pertain to this we broke up. (Though now we are friends and she's a huge sweetheart) So November-ish of 2016 I'm friends with this guy who we will call ASSHOLE or AH for short. AH and I had met at an lgbt youth group and we became pretty decent friends, he would talk about how hot he found some of my friends and I quickly found out what his type was (ei: people who looked nothing like me). He would also talk about how horrible all of his past relationships were and how bad of people everyone who didn't like him was, along with a mutual friend of ours who wasn't interested in AH sexual soon fell victim to being called all kinds of nasty things. I on the other hand would just nod along, giving the benefit of the doubt, along with explaining (on multiple occasions) that I was pretty sure I was aro and couldn't distinguish romantic feelings from platonic ones, rather it all felt pretty platonic to me. One day he was complaining to me about how no one liked him, to which I responded by telling him that I thought he was pretty cool and I couldn't understand how someone wouldn't want to date him. AH then asked if I wanted to go out with him, I told him that I'd found him charming for a few months at that point but I was nervous because I didn't want to ruin our friendship in any way, I'd also mentioned that I wasn't sure if I even felt comfortable with it seeing as how I was only attracted to girls and well, I felt uncomfortable with the idea of having a boyfriend, he pushed that aside saying that he was really fem and a trans boy so it didn't count. We had dated for not even two months and by that time wed had sex (which he had proposed... on our first date) and he was telling me that he loved me, even though hed made a huge deal about how he didnt think anyone could say they loved someone until at least 5 months in. AH found my tumblr (he HATED tumblr and would actively encourage me to stop using it regardless of how I said I enjoyed my account and mutuals) and found a post I'd made to simply rent about feeling guilty because I felt I couldn't love AH as much as he loved me. Well he flipped shit when he read it, telling me I was pathetic and I'd used him for sex and I was abusive because I'd never told him I was aro (though I talked about it many times, most of which he would respond by telling me how he use to think he was ace but then found better people to fuck) All I'd done was apologize over and over, soon blocking him after multiple friends suggested such. A few hours after I'd blocked him I got a message from someone I didn't know, telling me to look at AH's instagram, where hed been posting about a suicide attempt.. I ended up having a panic attack and having a friend of mine call 911 for me, but the paramedics were already there at that point. The next day I was greeted with messages from him telling me it was all my fault and hed wished the attempt had worked so hed never have to think about me (Sorry imma skip over some of the things he said cause I'm getting really emotional now) He ended up getting kicked out of the lgbt youth group a few weeks later for being a racist fuck wad and attacking a close friend of mind who'd asked AH to leave me alone. It's been 7 months at this point and I'll still get the occasional phone call from him even though I've blocked his number, my phone will let him leave messages, the last one I got being him just breathing into the phone for a minute before hanging up (this incident gave me a panic attack at work and I was sent home early) So I don't ID as aro anymore because if I really want to be in a relationship, I can suck it up and realize that my romantic feelings are indistinguishable from my platonic ones, regardless if I actively try to have a romantic relationship. So I can just suck it up, you know? Anyways.. thats a ran I just needed to get out because it still messes me up and I keep seeing things about how horrible aro ppl are.. and really ppl who id as aro aren't horrible, especially if they want a romantic relationship, because really it feels nice to feel love

[auxon]

tagged by @sneezingbeagle​

god the formatting on this is awful sorry but i cant really be assed to fix it. also it’s very long so i’ll put it under a cut

Rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end choose 25 people to tag.

LAST: 1. drink: ginger tea 2. phone call: uhhhh god i don’t even know, a few weeks ago i had to call customer service for something so i guess that 3. text message: "nerd” to @dragon-cabbage​ 4. song listened to: working man - imagine dragons 5. time i cried: yesterday but like out of happiness and only a little bit HAVE YOU EVER: 6. dated somebody twice: technically but we were only not dating for like a week 7. been cheated on: not as far as i know 8. kissed someone and regretted it: mmm yeah 9. lost someone special: in a way i guess 10. been depressed: yeah 11. gotten drunk and puked: i’ve never been drunk so no THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS: 12. lmao i don’t even have favorite colors anymore 13. i wear a lot of blue because it’s a safe color but it doesn’t excite me 14. i like black with bright colors as highlights IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: i think so 16. fallen out of love: yeah lmao 17. laughed until you cried: don’t think so 18. found out someone was gossiping about you: no??? 19. met somebody who changed you: i don’t think so 20. find out who your true friends are: what is a “true” friend 21. kissed somebody on your Facebook list: yeah im facebook friends with my boyfriend so HOW MANY/MUCH: 22. facebook friends do you have in real life: all of my facebook friends are people i know irl, slightly fewer of them are people i’m actively friends with  23. pets: two cats

24. want to change name: already did 

25. did i get for my last birthday: idk i got some cool shit like a polaroid camera and some records 26. time i woke up: ugh like 6:50 b/c school day 27. doing at midnight: sleeping 28. something you cannot wait for: probably the rocket club trip to alabama in... less than a month 29. last time i saw my mum: approximately 30 seconds ago 30. something you wish you could change about your life: uh, be a cis guy, not have fucked up so many friendships/relationships 31. listening to right now: nothing 32. something that gets on your nerves: idk lots of things, my brother being an ass 33. talked to a person named Tom: i have no idea 34. most visited website: tungle.hell 35. elementary school: what is this question asking  36. high school: cant wait to get out 37. college: god the dream college would be caltech or mit but i probably wont get in so... :/ 38. hair colour: brown 39. long or short hair: i like having short hair bc i’m not masculine enough to have long hair and be secure in my body image but both are attractive on other ppl 40. crush: @a-wandering-intern 41. what do you like about yourself: i’m smart? also my face looks pretty decent from some angles 42. piercings: none but i have seriously considered getting a facial piercing 43. blood type: not a clue 44. nickname: the name i use is danny which is technically a nickname, also occasionally people call me danny boy which i Really Like, and sometimes people call me dan which is.... not great 45. relationship status: dating @a-wandering-intern 46. zodiac: capricorn 47. pronouns: he/him 48. favourite show: what is... a tv? jk probably stranger things because it’s one of the few shows i’ve seen recently and it was really good 49. tattoos: none but i want one of the greek letter delta 50. right or left handed: right FIRST: 51. surgery: um i got my tonsils out when i was little 52. piercing: none 53. best friend: uh... i had a best friend named sophia in like, kindergarten, but i don’t think i was her best friend :( 54. sport: god sports have never really been my thing but i did basketball for like one season in either 4th or 5th grade, god knows why 55. vacation: i dunno but i remember having gone to japan when i was really little, i don’t remember anything about it just that i went 56. pair of shoes: lmao what

RIGHT NOW:

57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: nothing

59. im about to: send some shitty photoshopped pictures to a friend and then study physics

60. listening to: my own keyboard (wait wasn’t this question earlier on this meme)

61. waiting for: i dunno

62. want to see: not really sure

63. want to get married: for the longest time i didn’t or at least i professed not to, but after some consideration i think that i do actually want to get married to someone i love and even if it’s not something i want super badly i wouldn’t mind having a kid as long as they were adopted

64. career: i want to be a physicist but am currently a depressed student

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. hugs/kisses: uh i like kissing but hugging is just so emotionally comforting and grounding so i think i’m gonna have to go with hugging

66. lips/eyes: i feel like this is comparing apples to oranges. i would rather have both lips and eyes

67. shorter/taller: is this question about which is more attractive to me because either one, but i like it when people are my height/shorter because i am insecure about the fact that i am personally short

68. younger/older: in terms of which it’s better to be, both have their pros and cons, but i would rather be younger than like, really old. in terms of dating, i wouldn’t date someone more than a year older or a year younger than me so idk really

69. romantic/spontaneous: i honestly don’t even know what this means

70. nice arms/nice stomach: what exactly do you mean by ‘nice’ and again this is like comparing to apples and oranges. both are separately very nice

71. sensitive/loud: i dunno, either?

72. hook up/relationship: relationship absolutely i dont think i could trust a stranger or even a not-very-close friend enough to hook up with them

73. troublemaker/hesitant: i am extremely afraid of doing things wrong or getting in trouble

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. kissed a stranger: no

75. drank hard liquor: ok so one time i had some sort of cream liquor (liqueur?) i can’t remember what it actually was and idk if it counts. also it was like literally half a sip that one of my parents gave me at a family gathering

76. lost glasses/contact lenses: one time i literally dropped my glasses in a lake and had to get new ones. now i wear daily disposable contacts so i’ve never, like, lost them, but i have had them fall out and couldn’t get them back in

77. turned someone down: i dont think so...?

78. canoodling on first date: is this a euphemism for sex because if so then no

79. broken someones heart: i mean i don’t like that term at all but yeah i’ve hurt someone i was dating and i still regret it

80. had your own heart broken: yeah, it’s complicated

81: been arrested: nope

82: cried when someone died: like, almost

83: fallen for a friend: real question is who have i ever fallen for who wasn’t already a friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. yourself: sometimes

85. miracles: ~a post-war economic miracle~ haha jk but actually... not supernatural miracles

86. love at first sight: no i think you kinda have to get to know someone to really love them

87. Santa Clause: i mean.... LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS he’s ur parents so i don’t believe in some dude that lives at the north pole and breaks into ur house but i do believe in the concept and i think it’s really cute

88. kiss on first date: depends on the way the stars are aligned

89. angels: nope

OTHER:

90. current best friends name: eleanor and ceci (also cyrus if u count my boyfriend as one of my best friends, which i generally do)

91. eye colour: blue

92. favourite movie/s: repo man, which is a shitty movie from the 80s. god it’s so bad i love it

ok im not gonna tag anyone because i’m too lazy but if u feel like doing it go ahead

[somedaypast-thesunset]

I tell him in plain language I haven't eaten and have no money for food. He offers to loan me money and that I can come over. But it's -2 and all my cold weather wear is garbage from the 5 min I spent just going to the store. He says he has to charge his phone. I'm like OK but u can also do it on your laptop. "yeah but then I'd have to find my wallet". I gave a huge exaggerated laugh because who the fuck responds to someone asking to eat like 5hat? He thinks my reply is weird. I tell him I assume he's joking so I'm laughing otherwise I'm just depressed. He replies, "do you need money now?"

SO GCDFHJFFDXDJKCFYBVXSSJKCF

DO I NEED TO EAT TODAY? DO I? GYESS NOT BECAYSE I WOYLDNT WANT TO BORHER YOU TO FIND YOUR FUCKING WALLET.

the only mature non combative response I had was no response because I'm not even dignifying such a stupid fucking question with a response. Fuck you man. Just fuck you. I'd get more respect sucking dick for 40$. Quicker too.

And I'm trying soooooooo hard and it's just nothing. I'm doing nothing but expending the absolute most amount of effort I currently have before becoming sooo exhausted and frustrated that I'm becoming impulsively violent - much like traits I had very young that I worked to control. Like my day consists of waking up and being brought home. I smoke weed, find a podcast or video or movie to listen to but barely pay attention and try to bring myself to do anything. Like changing my clothes from yesterday. Going out to get food (which if I do is my entire morning and I'm done after). Lately I want soooo badly to get back into my shit. I used to be productive. Like I lost alllllllllllllllllllllllll drive for anything. I cannot fathom going to a job. My whole disposition says I want to die every moment I'm awake. I watched this doc about this crazy lady who starved to death in an abandoned house on an occupied street like ppl walked by the house she had neighbors but she like actively chose to just starve and die. And everyone's so confused like oh the neighbors were there she could've gotten food but no. I get this lady. I am this lady right now. I am in an abandoned house that is my body and my neighbors can see I'm here but they don't care if anyone is home. They wouldn't feed me.

In some ways I was like oh no. This lady is me. But she was delusional. Like she made ppl up. I haven't ever. But I am becoming like my mother more and more but I guess I empathize more. This lady was so depressed like she really wanted to die all the time and she was miserable and couldn't keep friends and I get it now. I got it before but now I really get it because there's no choice anymore. At some point you like... You're standing on the edge of the abyss and then u let go and from that point on its just free falling out of control. You can't stop it once it's hit full momentum. And I'm screaming cuz I did the drugs. And I can do them again so I can placebo effectvmyself for 2 weeks and crash again. I am existing solely for the purpose of a few other ppl right now. Like I can't die right here because my roommate has to find it and he's the last person I want to find dead me. Like if a stranger could spot a body that is me, that'd be good. Or like a dog finds me first. I want to go in a forest. I want my body to refuel the earth and I want animals to tear me apart like when the Indians let vultures eat their dead. I'm dead you know. People have too much control. I'm used to no control and I embrace the lack of control one has in death despite society trying sooo hard. And I'm still there you know cuz I want to control when I die. I wan5 to choose and death is not about choice. And it's hard to die. Killing yourself takes like extreme effort. I cannot selfishly take my cats with me tho I want to. I want to die with my cat in my arms, the only thing that ever really loved me besides my dad. I just want to go far far out where it's no coming back. Like even if I last minute didn't want to I want to be so far out in the woods I can5 make it back in such condition so I just die because wanting to live is the moment of weakness. This is not a moment. I am not in a decade long moment. I am suffering and I hurt and the "system" is a fools game. Like it took 100 yrs to accept certain medications and procedures as fucked up because it takes society 100 yrs to figure anything out and like I guess my hope is that because we're evolving technology so fast maybe in 5 years they will know how to fix depression. They will look in my brain and s3e the suffering and fix it. And I'll flick a switch and my memories will be neutral in feeling, not ptsd.

It's not even ptsd anymore. No, it's not JUST ptsd anymore. It's the starting long term effects of poverty. It's like.. My own mental issues maturing with me as I'm getting older and it's not easier at all?

Like I tried to do my shop and realized its so half assed and like I can't be this age and present this level of effort. I can do better I just chose not to but I spend effort doing it half assed still. I took apart 80% of my jewelry and have yet to go back to it because why. And that's sad. Like I have to be careful now to maintain what I do have or I may not care enough to do it again. I have alllllllllllllllllllllllll the time in the world to do something. Anything. Any. Thing. And I've listened to 350 episodes of last podcast, know deeply a 38 yr old man I never met who plays video games online, watched anything deemed good on Netflix, am totally up to date on s3veral news websites and podcasts and I smoke like 400$ worth of weed a month.

I don't even want to know me.

But like.. I don't pretend I just don't talk. I talk to others, share commentary occasionally but I just don't talk about anything. I especially don't talk about how depressed I am because it just bothers ppl and creates both positive and negative opinions none of which are helpful to the illness.

So im very very secluded. And I used to use isolated but that's negative. That's saying I'm forced into it. I'm forcing it. I'm not. I actively choose it now so I am secluded and extremely private.

I'm still trying though? Like I don't even know why. Today I signed up for usertesting sites because I already do contract tests for consumer reviews so maybe I'll make some money but at the same time I feel like its another dead end. Just go work at McDonald's.

Art wise, there is so much I could do to revamp my shop. All new, well made jewelry. I need all new photos including ones of my art with close ups and stuff. I want to "graduate" my art skills a bit. Like really make nice well cut paper with borders for matting and start to sign my work and like all of this means higher quality so a higher price. I can do fucking better. And honestly I'm not doing anything else right now. My mind is completely disabled and to consider working is laughable now. I know I'm not going to so I can stop being anxious about it. Fuck em. I've been doing a depression project for charity cuz that's what I did earlier this year too but this one is more personal. I have 3/5 of what I wanted for my goal but at the same time what I made is so.. Average. It's not great at all. It's just iok and does the job and I tried my best but maybe I didn't? The fact 3/5 have all turned out with fairly major issues makes me feel less inclined to continue and the whole thing pointless cuz why give something to the homeless that sucks. So u can feel good?

I don't want therapy or medication. I deeply hate society and most of humanity. I used to be OK with it and I wanted to be apart of it but I was so shit on by so many people that I can't do it anymore. It's not worth it. 30 years of shit for like 30 y3ars of average? Cool.

Still trying tho. Still asked for money for food and I'll go hungry today but I'll havevmoney tomorrow I guess. That's life. Me and the 45 ppl on main St homeless. Somedays you eat Somedays you don't. He will probably realize at some point he made a mistake - hopefully. Because if I have to chase him for it, I'm probably going to hang out by myself tomorrow too.

I'm now worried I have no good winter clothes and my boots have holes in them. I'm already in super debt. I have to get a new jacket and boots before it snows. I could've gotten an extra 10 if I braved the cold for 25 min tonight but I'm just so tired I don't care enough. I can't talk to anyone about this. Then I'm just poor and a burden cuz I have no job and spend money on weed. And I did. I put myself far into debt just for weed. I'm now working on this plan that since I've quit smoking I must be up some money so I'll slowly build funds back up by not smoking and not spending crazy. Which even now sounds bullshit. But I'm trying the testing thing as well. If I get my shop up before Xmas rush. These are reasons to try but I'm only trying because d3pression put me in debt. If I wasn't this sad I wouldn't spend this money. I wouldntvlive like this.

Honestly until I get this money I don't even have funds for the bus to get my birth control. At the same time tho I was willing to sit all of this out and wait but I have like 7 days to be paid and I can't go 7 days without eating at all.

I spent myblast 3$ on cat food and honestly just this run down alone describes how insane I am. Like there's no way it's OK for me to be on my own to this degree. No sound psychologist would say yes 100% clearly functioning on their own in need of no assistance. If someone described this to me in my moments of sound mind I would be like this bitch is dead in atleast 5 years. Prob less. Meds aren't enough. Therapy is not enough. And I don't deserve to be in a psych ward because my capacity for reasoning and logic is fully there and it's unfair to have success in q team monitored to be released into the same conditions you know.

What am I doing when my father's gone? This because no one recognized that in a Co dependent relationship there are two people who are d3oendent not just one and instead of really assessing the situation people chose to think I was lazy and living off my father (even tho I was not) ignoring severe depression and suicidal t3ndencies. Thanks.

I am the abandoned house.

Today I was trying to get ready to leave when he said he still wanted to smoke from my bong and ohh where do I have to go that's so important. And it's not just him. It's anyone who knows myclife. They d3cided my time has less value because someone who's not them d3cided to pay me money in exchange for menial tasks. Since I don't have that my time is meaningless and they can not show up to qppts or show up late or leave late or make me wait X amount of time cuz I have all the time in the world. They work u know. But I no longer care. For the people who know me I'm no longer accepting this and just going about my lif3 without them. For those who don't, I'm no longer going to share anything about my life with anyone. I'm just as valuable as you. My time is equally of worth. Fuck you for ever thinking different.

Just remember - anyone else alive, not your problem.

[hellotvv]

Recap

Well, I guess I’m writing this for the second time now :( but I guess I could include my day today...

So last week was a fairly idk stressful week, but I’m feeling much better now! Idk things got figured out and yeah, stress went away. I, also, had a pretty great weekend too. It was especially good, since it was kinda full of surprises in some ways. Nothing was really planned, and it’s kinda cool when nice things happen unexpectedly. :)

Friday, it was a crazy storm day. I was supposed to go to office hours, so I could ask for some help on my lab reports that were due Wednesday before lab. But it was legit raining way too crazy that I didn’t really wanna go. So I emailed my TA and asked if he’ll be possibly free on Tuesday. So my TA is honestly the worst TA i’ve ever had. I legit think that if I had any other ochem lab ta, I’d be doing way way better in this class. Like on the first lab report, there should be some amnesty for certain things. He legit took a point off for having fringes left on the uh lab report paper... The thing is, I’ve legit always turned in with fringes, and it never really mattered since the lab reports are passed back for the students to keep. Like okay, he want fringes off. But it’s the FIRST lab report, can he seriously not write hey no fringes next time, otherwise I’ll have to take off points. Nope, he legit just takes off points -.- like zzz, he grades ridiculously hard and his quizzes are legit way harder than any other TA’s quizzes. So it’s actually ridiculous lol... The thing that upsets me the most is he finally replied to that email I sent him Friday morning BEFORE office hours, Tuesday night... It took him a whole 5 days+ to finally reply to my email, and when he did reply it was too late lol. He was like, can you ask the questions after the lab tmrw? I was like ??? in my head, since I legit wanted office hours to get help for the lab report that was due BEFORE the lab. So I had 0 questions for after lab today lol. I still don’t know how it took him so long to reply to his emails. Like he could have checked it during his office hours, or idk even on Tuesday. Like it’s his school email too and he’s a grad student/TA. Like pretty sure he gets emails... No clue how he only checks or replys Tuesday night before my lab... -.-  Anyways, Friday was kinda idk just a day. I ended up driving home in the pouring rain, and the trip took nearly 5 hours... The drive is normally 2 hours - 2 hours and 30 minutes maybe. But it took 5 hours, because of the rain. Since cars would break down, ppl would get into accidents, and you naturally have to drive slower in the rain. But yeah, the traffic was actually insane, and I understand since it’s some heavy heavy rain. But it was really really exhausting being stuck in traffic alone in a car, stop and go, for hours... ._. I was so tired that I ate dinner and immediately knocked out after I got home. So I didn’t really do anything Friday.

But Saturday was hmhm a pretty good day actually. So I woke up late and I didn’t really do anything on Saturday. Since my friend Fyona was busy-ish on Saturday, and I didnt really make any plans with people. Then it was around 5ish and Jia randomly snapchatted me and asked me if I wanted to eat with her. So I was like yeee, and chose raising canes. She was down and drove and pick me up! It’s nice being driven, since honestly I drive my friends most of the time, and I rarely rarely get driven around :( So it was very nice of her to drive me! When she first saw me get into her car, she was like woahh Theo you lost weight! I was like yesss, I’ve been really good about my diet~ and she was really impressed like wowow. Haha, idk it’s cool when ppl notice when you put in hard work! I’ve been pretty good about my diet for weeks now and have lost weight! :D #KawaiiTheoAgain? Anyways, it was just cool talking to her and catching up on life in general. We ate at raising canes, and then went to Cafe Maji for drinks and to just hang out for a bit longer. I ordered a thai tea latte, then a bit later Jia was like ooh u ordered taro? I was like ?? nono, I ordered thai tea! She was like ooh I thought u said taro. Then the waitress brings out taro latte o.o I was like huh... I guess I did~ I suppose i was reading thai tea latte and somehow said taro outloud, which was below thai tea in the menu. But it was fine, and I finished the taro latte and it was alright. Just surprising that idk I ordered something else and didn’t even know! Uhh, idk how the convo came up exactly, but I think talking about vacations to places. She wanted to like go to Japan, or like SF trip, or idk. I was like yoo, u can just airbnb with friends and split the cost and it’s not bad. She surprisingly never heard of airbnb, so I explained and told her it’s fairly cool haha. She was like wowow, and thanked me for sharing it with her. She was like huh, you know I learn something new each time I hang out with you. I realized that it was kinda true, every time I see her, somehow she ends up like learning about something new. I think this is pretty cool actually, since idk I don’t intentionally try to do it. But I do like sharing cool facts or sharing about my hobbies/passion with ppl, and I think it’s kinda cool learning something new :D. She enjoys it lol and I realized I got my friend Brent into fashion nowadays! He’s mostly into sneakers rn, but yeahhh. Idk I like getting ppl into new things :) I guess I have a wide range of interests and hobbies that I have quite a bit to share? But anyways, she drove me home, and it was a nice idk hangout with my friend Jia. She even said she’ll make plans one of these days to drive up to SB and hang out! I was like woo :) Then I went home and kinda just read chinese novels until I late at night, since haha.

The next day was a pretty adventurous day o.o and full of idk surprises. I’m also a very weak boy :( But uh to begin, I woke up at like 10ish and was sleepy. Since I was meeting up with Fyona at 11 to do a laundromat shoot with her. She was very very rushy, and was like yoo get here at 11. Since her mom is fairly strict and doesn’t like her hanging out, so she lied and said she had to go study at 11, so I had to be there at 11. I got there at like 10:58 and she was like, oh my mom is making me help her cook, and then she had to wait for her mom to leave until she could leave. But then she still needed to do makeup and etc, so I had to wait outside alone in the parking lot for legit 50 minutes nearly T_T I mean, I didn’t mind, since I was actually just chilling on my phone and was content. But yee, I had to roast her a bit for that doe. She was like haha you could have napped or slept longer, since I didn’t even get out till 11:50. So I called her a monster for rushing me and how she was super adamant about 11 AM, only to make me wait outside alone for 50 mins. But yeee, it was silly, and then I drove us to the laundromat. But it was too crowded to shoot actually. Like Fyona and I don’t mind shooting in crowded locations. But if we shot there, it would just inconvenience ppl, and we’re not big on dat. So we decided to just do the shoot another day. So we went to go eat, and then she had a shoot schedule at 1:30ish. She asked me to come along, and it was nearby at huntington beach pier. So I went along and while we were walking around, we randomly met a popular photography iger that we both follow! I was like huh that dood kinda looks like dfreske (guy was carrying a camera too), and it turns out to be him! Wowow, we said hi and said we’re fans of his, and yeah :) it was cool. Then we met up with uh the photographer that Fyona was shooting with. The dude was hmhm alright, I think the photos came out decently well, but he was fairly quiet and didn’t do too much directing or anything, and yeah. Around this time while the shoot was on going, Catherine texted me out of the blue, and was like wutt you’re in the oc area? Are you free? I was like, oh ye, I am, and she was like oh come hang with cole + these uh 3 friends of hers. Cole is a photographer that I met through Hope and Catherine previously and he’s a pretty nice dude. But yeah, I legit haven’t talked to Catherine since like winter break lol. Uhh after the shoot was over, it was almost 3, and Fyona had to be home by 3. Fyona tried to push it back to 4, so she could come hang with Catherina and I, but she couldn’t. So I had nothing better to do, so I head over and met up with them. They already finished shooting, so we met up at a mcd and chilled. It was cole, some girl, and this guy name Adam, and Catherine ofc. Cole and the girl had to go study math not too long after, so they left. But yeah, Catherine was like, ooh we can hang at her place, so we all head over to Catherine’s place (adam, cat, and I). Adam turned out to be a pretty nice dude, he’s into streetwear a bit, and plays overwatch. They all went to the same school at Catherine, so that’s how they know each other. Catherine told me that her mom and grandma occasionally asks where I’ve been lol, since I used to go over to her house quite frequently over winter break. When we got to her house, I said hi to her grandma, and she was surprised to see me lol. Also met her mom a bit later and she was like ooh you’re back home. Idk I think it’s kinda cool that they like me? Idk why they do, since I don’t really do anything lol. But yeah :D wooo! Anyways, we hung out and watched supernatural (meh tv show) at catherine’s living room. Then we decided to head over to south coast plaza, since nothing better to do. Walked around and it was cool. Stopped by the Saint Laurent store, but I was dressed poorly and didn’t want to go in, but Adam did haha. Shortly after, all the stores were closing and it was only like 6:30, but I guess it’s a Sunday. We head over to a thrift store nearby just for fun idk. Didn’t buy anything, but Catherine randomly met up/saw one of her friends, and they were like omg. They made me take a pic of them, and I used my iphone 7 portrait mode and they were like wowow lit. The girl left, and then Catherine, Adam, and I decided to go grab boba + ice cream at some boba place in garden grove. I’ve been there before once with Calvin, and the place is okie. It was getting close to 8:30 and Catherine had to go home. I was gonna go meet up with my buddy Brent, who came to the oc area to hang out. He also was hanging out with his gf, since uh she was staying at her roommate Shannie’s place in Laguna Beach for the 3 day weekend for fun. So he figured he’ll come down to hang with me and elizabeth/shannie. So I was driving Adam and Catherine back, and Catherine’s mom told her to be home by like 8:30ish or whatever. So I was like ooh, I can drop you off first, then Adam. But she was like oh it’d be easier for u to drop off adam, and then bring me home. I didn’t really mind the order, since they’re both the same distance regardless and nearby. Adam and I insisted on dropping Catherine off home first, since she did have a curfew and didn’t wanna make her get in trouble with her mom. So when I was dropping her off, she was like, ‘you’re gonna come to my place after u drop off adam right?’ I was like ???? what in my head O_O.. Since I was gonna go have a nice dinner with buddy Brent. Then she pulled the idk sympathy/guilt trip card. She was like, ‘oh you’re leaving tomorrow, and haven’t posted snapsfromtheo in a while. also idk if i’ll be able to make it to lunch tomorrow too’. She suggested lunch the next day, before I leave. So uhh, idk ;-; i’m a weak boy and couldn’t say no after she said all that... I had to text brent and was like T_T sorry I can’t make it ahhh, and explained why. Elizabeth and brent were fine for it and encouraged me to go to cat’s house... I was like lol... But yeah, went over to her place after dropping off Adam. Honestly it wasn’t anything eventful. We sat fairly close in her living room couch, watched supernatural, and made small conversation here and there. Then it was like 11ish and I went home afterwards. Idk it was okie and not bad, but I kinda would have rather ate dinner with my buddy brent and elizabeth. But yeah, Sunday was still a pretty surprising day. Hung out with Fyona, met popular ig photographer, randomly ended up hanging out with Catherine, got guilt tripped, and didn’t hang out with Brent/Elizabeth. But had a good day nevertheless!

Monday was still a fairly interesting day as well. So I woke up, and then around like 1ish, picked up Catherine, and we decided to get ramen. I chose kitakata ramen, since she never been there before haha. There was quite a wait when we got there like 40 mins. So we decided to stop by the camp or whatever, which is nearby Kitakata. The camp is like a small food + shopping area, with a unique design. It was kinda cool to walk around, and then uh Catherine made me take another photo of her with my iPhone 7 portrait mode haha. It was kinda nice hanging out with her, and then we made it back in time before we got called to come inside kitakata. She turned out to like kitakata quite a bit, and agrees it’s better than shin sen gumi haha. While we were eating, she made an instagram post and uploaded the iphone 7 photo I took of her that day, and had a very nice caption about me... ;-; I was like nooo, don’t give me affection, I am weak boy in my head. But yeah, while we were eating, she roasted me a bit for not telling her that I was back in the oc area, but I was like I casually snapchatted it tho! She was like wowow i had to find out from Fyona’s snapchat story sad. So now I have to tell her the next time I’m heading back. I dropped her off and got a big hug, and then I headed off to pick up Fyona. For Catherine, it was definitely nice seeing her and hanging out with her again after not seeing her in a while. She oddly was super nice and made a lot of idk effort/took the initiative to hang out! I guess I’ve kinda grown out of my crush on her, and not really interested anymore. But it was nice hanging out with her as friends and would prob hang out with her again if I go home for the weekend. Fyona wanted to hang out before I left, and was free around like 2ish. But I was still with cat until 3, but fyona nice girl and waited till 3 to hang out with me. Then we went to ikea, since she wanted to. We got ikea food, sigh I ate again, and idk how or why I did. But yeah, ikea food is honestly not that bad considering the price. I’ve eaten their ice cream/hot dog before, but monday I ate their other food, and it’s not bad considering the price. It was cool walking around and chilling with Fyona, and then it was like 5 so I had to drop Fyona off, then it was time to head back to SB. I left for SB around rush hour, but surprisingly there was no traffic at all! O_O I was so surprised... Like idk why, since shouldn’t national holidays normally have more ppl free and driving around rush hour? But yeah, even when passing LA, there was no traffic and it wasn’t even raining or anything... I got back to SB fairly quickly, but I was kinda tired after the short 2 hour drive. Idk I guess I don’t go home as often as I used to, so I don’t drive long distances frequently anymore, so it kinda burns me out nowadays haha. Oh well. But got back at night, rested for a bit, then had to do my history homework and math homework, so I stayed up a bit late. It was nice sleeping in my room in SB again, since idk used to my pillow setup at SB lol.

Tuesday and Wednesday has been ughhh. So Tuesday, I slept late on monday doing homework, but I had to wake up early for my 8 am history section. It was raining as well at 8 am, so I had to go to class in the cold rain at 8 am T_T. Then after, my friend brent came over to get lunch and hang out for a bit. Then went to 4 o’clock class and got back. Then my 2nd pair of yeezys came! So there’s quite a story behind this, but I’m lazy to write it all out. But brent and i supposed to cop yeezys together during the drop. He fell asleep at like 3 am, and I did wake him up by calling him, and then he went back to sleep and asked me to get his size. I did, but I didn’t tell him I did, since Idk if he deserved it. It’s like waiting in a long concert ticket line to get concert tickets at 3 am, and your friend who’s waiting in line with you is tired and goes home and asks for u to stay up and try to get their ticket. it’s like uhhh, if I put in all this work, and you didn’t at least wait up with me/tried with me, do you deserve it still? But yeah, I ended up being nice and sold him the yeezys for retail. He was very very surprised and very grateful, and it was like a nice surprise gift. Since he did want the pair, but was sad he didn’t get it since he fell asleep. But yeah, he promised to treat me out to a lavish dinner one of these days to make it up for me and was super happy. Then he left, and Tuesday night began. I had 2 long long lab reports due the next day on Wednesday AND I had a midterm for greek myth. I didn’t really study for greek myth, since class is fairly easy, but still. I legit pulled an all nighter with my friend Kristy, and we both finally finished the two long lab reports at like 10 AM lol... So I was EXHAUSTED. I went to class to take my midterm and I think I did pretty well on it, maybe an A. But I was sleepy af and just wanted to sleep sigh... Then I stayed up and then finished up lab report completely + did prelab, and then studied for the lab quiz that’ll happen during lab. So yeah did that, went to lab, turned everything in, took quiz, and the experiment was kinda long and lame. But I’m finally free! The rest of the week isn’t too bad, besides the fact that I have to study for my math midterm on Tuesday. But ughh, I’m basically ready to pass out, since I legit haven’t slept in so long lol... Long long day, but yeah that was my kinda adventurous weekend, and long Tuesday night and Wednesday. Tomorrow should be not bad and smash tournie to go to! So woo, hopefully this weekend will be great too~

[hellotvv]

Life Update

It’s been a while since I’ve last posted. The last time I posted was the first day of this semester, and now it’s basically two weeks in. Have things changed a lot? I’d say, not really. But life has been good definitely.

Today is a rainy day, so I’m in a mood to finally write and idk vent some feelings. Today, I’ve slept in for a while. I ate lunch and then showered and met up with Rebecca. The reason why I met up with Rebecca is because she’s auditioning for Mulan and needs photos of her. She asked if I could take photos of her and I was like sure. So I got over to her place at like 3:30 and it was a pretty cloudy cold day. We walked around to the beach near Manzanita (one of the 2nd year dorms), it’s a meh beach. I took photos of her, asked her about her classes, winter break, and etc. Since although we have math together this quarter, I haven’t really seen her. But she’s Kai’s ochem lab partner this quarter tho. It was nice talking to her. She asked if there’s any new gossip going on with my life, and I was like haha nah. Apparently I have pretty friends tho, so my next gf has to be pretty since I must have high standards according to her. I was like nah, I’m pretty chill tbh in terms of looks. I’m definitely more of a personality person. I asked her if anything is new with her love life, and she says she likes being single a lot. She asked about Stefanie actually, and I told her I haven’t really talked to Stefanie since August. Apparently Rebecca heard gossip about Stefanie o.o I was like oh and told me some stuff? I wonder who told her such gossip o.o. She asked if I met Helen before, since she’s good friends with Helen. I told her that I met Helen once at a USC party lol. Then Rebecca treated me to a starbucks frap and drove me to my house, which was nice of her. Since her place is a bit far (walking wise at least) from my place. Then I chilled, ate dinner with my friend Bryan, made some plans with him, and yeah. He asked if I was going to Bharat’s party tonight, but I honestly wasn’t feeling it today. I know I didn’t go out Friday, but idk this week is like one of those weeks where I just wanna stay in my room and be by myself. I’ve been pretty good about hanging out with my SB friends and there’s like a groupme with all 12 of us in it now lol. On Friday, they went to watch a horror movie, but I wasn’t feeling like going. I actually thought about just going to the movie theaters by myself and watching La La Land by myself. I never watched a movie by myself, but it feels like it could be a nice thing just going and watching by myself. Idk I heard La La Land is good and I really wanna watch it. So yeah, today, I just kinda chilled in doors and had a good day at home. Idk I just enjoy those lazy rainy days indoors and cuddling up in bed. Also I played some Overwatch with my friend Ann (from back home) and it was cool. Also Rebecca + Lindsay (her housemate) both recently said we should hang out more, and I agreed we should haha. 

As for general updates overall... School’s been going good, nothing to complain about yet. I got a new lab partner in ochem, but she’s like idk the most unsocial lab partner yet? Like she doesn’t make any small talk like oh how’s your day, what classes are u taking, etc etc. Idk I’ve had some cool lab partners like my MCDB1C lab partner last year :( and my lab partner last quarter is pretty cool. I see him at parties sometime still haha and we say hi and what’s up and stuff. But yeah, can’t complain about classes yet. Going to be studying for them tomorrow! As for friends, idk if I’ve made new friends exactly just yet. I still keep in touch with Hope and Fyona. Fyona and I text pretty much every day and facetime fairly often just for fun. We’re like best friends and it’s cool. Catherine, I still snapchat every now and then, but haven’t really talked to her. Kristy is taking ochem lab and I see her now and then with Jessica. We all ate ramen with Brent, Bharat, Henry, and Bryan just like last week! Idk there’s so much to update, even tho it’s just been a bit. Uhm... School okay, maybe stressed about future when it gets to like 4th year and stuff. But I guess just gotta take life one step at a time sometimes. I’ve became decent friends with one of my models Cindy! We made plans to shoot sometime in the future. My photography ig has been doing some good growth :D it’s at nearly 800 followers~ and I still get hit up by models randomly asking to shoot with me still, which is cool. Outside of the shoot with Rebecca today, I haven’t really shot lately. But I might in February with Sabrina in Fyona, maybe a future shoot with Cindy again, uhh random models potentially, and this one photographer that wants to link up and he works near SB. Idk photography going well! As for sm4sh, there’s no tournaments recently. But this week was the Arcadian on Thursday, which is a tournie where no PR players can play in. I’m legit ranked 3 in SB, so I can’t play haha. But Brent played and I went to support him + gave him some coaching. He ended up getting top 8, which is really good. It had like 70 ppl!! Uhh, I still keep up with my friend Jia. Kai and I are doing fine, she liked her expensive xmas gift that she chose. She’s getting a roommate still, and she hasn’t really been home this entire week. The roommate is prob gonna be some random, idk who or when they’ll move in. But I’ll miss having the house to myself T_T ahhh. Hopefully they won’t be a bad housemate D:  I play overwatch with my boi Alan still now and then. I haven’t really bought clothes in a while, so no progress there. As for clothing brand, it’s made some progress. Henry is a lagger with vectorizing the designs ahhh. Since we have one good design :( and just want it already done. But we got 3 samples of a pretty basic shirt that says, “No Sleep”. It’s to be like edgy and fit our sad boy theme. Like you can interpret it in a lot of ways. Like oh no sleep, since we’re up late crying or thinking. Or if you wear it to the gym, it’ll be hardcore like damn this guy going hard, no sleep!! But yeah :3 I did the designs for that and we got 3 samples being shipped to me. If it’s good, then we’ll do an order for a couple more to sell to friends. Mostly waiting for Henry to finish the graphic design for our first real tee. Then maybe we’ll have a launch party + make a website + ig. Then once we have another design done, then we’ll start to advertise it I guess lol. So clothing brand going okie. These past two weeks, I did go to friend parties, ate dinner/lunch with friends, go to the gym and etc. Oh right. So I’ve been really really good about my diet this week. I’ve tracked my calories and ate reallly well in terms of eating at a calorie deficit. Last week I was pretty good too, but this week damn I’ve been really good. It’s hard a bit, but life style change yo. I’ve been hitting the gym occasionally too, so that should help! Just wait 1-2 more months yo :D gonna be way more fit and super happy with my appearance. My skin has been good lately, so that’s going for me! But yeah been improving fitness wise ever since I got back to school. I guess I don’t really have much to complain about. I have good friends that invite me to things, so I have the option to decide whether or not go out haha. I have buddies for lunch/dinner if I want. I have gym buddies like Brent/Bharat/Shannie/Brooke. Been doing good progress on every aspect I guess of my life, and nothing bad happened at all lately. So I guess I gotta appreciate more when things are just content or good. But yeah, brief summary I guess about how I’m doing, there’s probably a bunch more stuff that I haven’t thought of. I think I’m going home next week for Lunar New Years :O I also have midterms next week .-. 

As for my love life.. Hmhm, that’s a bit more tricky in some ways. I guess similar to Rebecca. I think I finally got to a point where I’m definitely okay and fine being single. I legit have made 0 attempts on looking for a gf, and been mostly focused on myself for once. I definitely think I’m making some progress on myself and working even more on improving myself in mental/physical/etc aspects. I have gained back more confidence in myself as well. I definitely think I could be a great SO as well. Like I’d like to think that I’m fairly knowledgeable about relationships. I’ve done some reflecting and learned from mistakes on what to do/not to do and I hink I’ve improved in how I treat ppl/myself/etc as well! But hey, I’m the type of dude that would drive hours just to see a SO for an hour or even 30 minutes. I’m the type of guy that would genuinely cherish them, try to keep interest by flirting with them, show them love/affection through words + actions, give small gifts now and then, treat them to every meal if possible, drive them around, try to find new places for adventures, make plans with them, make sacrifices for them, try to get into their hobbies, pull all nighters for them, try to give amazing gifts, try to plan/throw great life milestone events, and etc. So I guess I’m confident in my ability on being a good SO, so I’m not shying away from relationships. But I’m not necessarily going out of my way to look for one. I’m trying for once to focus on myself and improve myself, be happy on my own, and become an even better person for myself and I guess maybe future SO as well. But yeah, not in the place in my life, where I can’t be vulnerable anymore. Definitely at a good place, where I could take risks and be vulnerable and open my heart again, if I wanted to. But no real big motivation to go out of my way to look for a SO or anything rn. If it happens, it happens. I guess semi-related to my love life, is that my ex Kristy randomly followed my theo.centric ig account o: we haven’t talked in maybe almost a year? So I’m surprised she followed me, but I followed back since whateverz. Nothing came out of it tho, still haven’t talked, and it’s been a while since uh she followed me (maybe a week)? As for Stefanie. Honestly, I miss her still a bit to this day. I guess I’m fine being single and would be open to dating other people. Yet for whatever reason, I still miss her deep down in my heart... I guess I just went through so much and spent so much time with her and was so used to having her in my life, that it’s hard without her sometimes. I guess I shouldn’t in some ways, since sigh some of the things she did to me... But idk... :( I can’t help it... I guess even tho I’ve ‘moved on’, the way things were/things ended just never sat well with me to this day like closure was kinda reached but not really... I guess in an ideal world, maybe she would have loved me more and looked only at me.. Oh well, life. Idk I guess it’s late and just in an eh mood. Idk it’s crazy, since I’ve broken up with Kristy/broke off short things with so and so, but I guess I never think about them this long after a break up... Idk why it’s like this with Stetefanie now... She was so mean to me too :( sigh. Maybe one last emotional update later. A bit sleepy now and I guess that’s all for now. I’m good, maybe sad a bit sometimes at night, improved myself, working on all my hobbies + school, and yeah.