#i’ve lived with enjoyed it and also had their own weird things. bestest friend has to stare into her phone flashlight after looking at

[kiki-strike]

big i’m the macrobiome i do what i want i’ll swallow coins energy tonight. dingus i have enough in my room to stay in here for days. do you really think “if you don’t come upstairs you’re not getting dinner” will work? i’ll swallow coins, bitch. i used to see how long i could go without eating anything FOR FUN. the thing that will run out quickest is my water supply, if i hadn’t semi-forgotten about water then i definitely could make it weeks in here. and i didn’t even prepare for this out of the blue fight. paranoia pays off

[thesunnyshow]

Name: hi, i am nyx  Age: 20 years old Writing Blog URL(s): jungcity.tumblr.com | v-asl.tumblr.com 

Nationality: filipino Languages: english, filipino Star Sign: pisces! MBTI: infp-t Favorite color: white accentuated by silver Favorite food: it’s sweet and spicy chicken garlic!! Favorite movie: hmmm, it’s prolly flipped because that movie was so cute :,)  Favorite ice cream flavor: rocky road!! Favorite animal: it’s gonna be cats!! although i love lions so much because of narnia :,( Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? coffee :,) Go-to karaoke song: i don’t sing agskh the world would end if i would 

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i think it’s me writing about jaehyun??? since he’s the king of fanfiction, especially in ncity nowadays. 

What fandom(s) do you write for?  nct + wayv

When did you post your first piece? three days ago!! that would be august 4 i guess???

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i don’t really much write fluff since i don’t have any idea how to write a good fluff!! :( this has been an issue every time i write some au’s. so im always ending up writing and focusing more on angst. it’s the genre i know best. well, crack… it’s hard to make the readers laugh when you can’t even make their tooth ache from sweetness with your fluffy writings. :( smut… i don’t write smut explicitly any more. i’m more on the suggestive side rn. 

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc  i write OC’s especially when im writing a series!! to diversify my writing. but i usually am on the x reader side. ships? not that much. 

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? uhm, back in 2017, i was searching for some website where i could publish my works. ive always been a tumblr-girl since i am that wanna-be-aesthetic kinda person :D then i had found that i could write and publish on tumblr so yeah that’s pretty much why i am on this app rn

What inspires you to write?  ooh, music has been a great help for sure!! whenever i don’t feel like writing something, i always listen to music and the idea would flow like a river. classic poems helps, too. :)

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?  supernatural!au’s, fantasy!au, medieval!au. i feel like it’s easier to write something out of pure fantasy. i have a hard time writing modern!au’s since i lack the humor and the knowledge for modern slangs. 

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?  ooh, i always always always am careful with the way that i craft all my works. i try to feel what my characters feel to give them a certain validation. i put my shoes on the scenarios i have in mind even though i haven’t yet experienced everything ive written. and i do love writing strong female characters, whether it’s oc’s or female readers. that’s my main priority whenever i write. and i want them to know that girls could do just as much everything boys could. women are powerful. 

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?  i read a lot to get back on my foot. i also try to re-read my past works so i’d be inspired to better my writing on my current draft.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?  my favorite work is the one i’m still writing rn, which is entitled 505. it’s a hendery fic in which he is a bandit and the female reader is a sacristan. it’s my fave since i relate myself so much to the female reader. :) my most successful one is the childhood best friends!au taeyong x female reader. it’s about to reach 600+ notes i guess? and im so grateful of all the feedbacks i got from it. 

Who is your favorite person to write about?  it’s jaehyun and hendery :) 

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose?  character wise, perhaps. since you already have a face value in fanfiction, but in an original prose, you would have to craft everything from 0. 

What do you think makes a good story?  a good story is something that doesn’t romanticize the bad things going on in the world. a good story is something that is emphatic to the hardships of others. a good story is something that gives comfort to those who are in the dark. a good story is something that boosts the hearts of the readers and makes them feel things!! 

What is your writing process like?  first, i think of a plot! (this happens oftentimes when im washing the dishes) when i have the plot, i think of the ending. when i have the ending, it’s time for me to device a fitting title. and the plot would develop from then on. 

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?  i don’t think so… this is scary. since some people think of fanfics as delusional works from delusional authors. it’s kinda sad. 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?  i love love love enemies-to-lovers trope!! one that i couldn’t stand and do my best to not read is probably… hmm… no, i love all tropes!! i just love e-t-l most!

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?  it means a ton. since it could really boosts me up. heavy sigh. it’s the best thing when you write something— the feedbacks. even though it’s a simple reblog with the ‘#ATKSHSKSHSKAHAKSGAHGEGSJA’ or ‘#myfave’. i would smile like an idiot whenever i read it.

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? i want to be a successful writer someday!

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? teleportation!! 

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose?  ancient greek + victorian era

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?  yes!! im so hell deep in indecision right now so i want to restart to make everything right

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?  100 chicken-sized horses!!

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?  enemies-to-lovers trope agsksj LOL

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?  YES!!! perhaps they are lurking somewhere here on earth and we don’t know it yet ;)

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?  oh… i don’t really know what to write. i don’t give much attention to my personal details agsksj

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?  yes!! ugh, there’s this recent issue wherein stan twt called fanfic writers as freaks. and it broke my heart. i mean, most fanfic writers get inspirations from their idols and that shouldn’t be a bad thing. we aren’t delusionals as one might think. we are simply doing our craft. 

Do you think art can be a medium for change?  yes!! our country’s hero ‘jose rizal’ had somehow stirred the nationality of the people back in the old days because of his writings. i do believe that art changes things!! it has the ability to pierce the heart of the people.  

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?  yes. i feel this whenever im writing smut. i mean, let’s be real, your works would do better once you’ve included some steamy smut scenes in it. when i was writing my first fanfic after three years, i didn’t think that i’d ever include smut. but the fear of not getting feedbacks crept up in me, so i forced myself to write some sexy scenes. i know that’s like… weird. but i’m trying not to dwell on feedbacks any longer. and i also have decided not to write explicit smut anymore. honestly, i feel better now that i don’t force myself to do something that i think would please others rather than me.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?  uhm, as far as i can remember, nope— still hasn’t felt that way. :)

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?  yes!! my best friends irl knows about it. my sister knows. my parents are also aware of my passion in writing, and they do know that i write. but where and what, that remains obscured from them :D 

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?  that it’s okay to be vulnerable. it’s okay to make mistakes. it’s okay to fail sometimes. it’s okay to feel things. because like a good book, there is always a character development and you have the pen to write your own version of happy endings. 

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?  i’ve been there: the scared and conscious part. but one thing i would say is, you have to dare yourself!! you won’t know how your writing would have impacted so many lives and touch the hearts of people if you won’t grab your pen or your gadget and start your draft. 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?  nope, there aren’t. the community has been lovely to me ever since i started writing. :,)

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? yes!! oh my god. i’d like to take this opportunity to thank my mutuals who’s done me nothing but kindness— @legendnct (hannah), whoo!! you know how much i love you, right? thank you for always being there to listen to me. :) @cloudysuh des, since day one you’ve supported me. i couldn’t ask for more. thank you for the never-ending praises, keyboard smashes, for the tags, and for always boosting me up. @bohoes georgie, you know i love you. since 2017 you’ve been with me— praising my works and supporting me. thank you. @cherr-e cherry!! thank you!! for teaching me how to better my writing. i hope endless happiness for u and please take care. @writermoon hello my babe!! thank you so much for reading my works with such vivid imaginations. i love you. @jaeyongf amy!! the bestest person :,) thank you for always leaving me feedbacks!! thank you for being kind to me. thank you for always supporting me. i love you guys so much and let’s be mutuals for a long time!! 

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

“If the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.” — Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x05 “Nightmare Logic”

oh, what a perfectly soft and emotional Destiel-parallelly piece of Meredith Glynn artwork. so precious, so loved~

03:47pm

things i know about this: meredith glynn wrote it

LET’S WATCH

-

03:50

noooo maggie don’t do things like this alooooone

-

i like the music as she enters... kinda weird and sparkly and awkward

-

03:53

sammy...... you know what you need

someone to do the night shift

if only...... you had.............. someone else........................

*looks pointedly at dean*

-

03:55

where does sam get the financial resources for shit like body cams

we never see them running credit card scams any more so........ ???????

-

03:57

i love these cable things by the roads

so aesthetic

-

03:58

even more spooky pretty music as dean and sam enter the tomb

-

03:59

dean and sam lie so effortlessly and so in sync

i always enjoy seeing them do this, ever since dean told a firefighter he needed to go back into his apartment because he has a yorkie who pees when he’s nervous

-

04:01

aw man i thought the “colleagues” would be cas and jack

bobby and mary’s cool too

-

04:02

bobby’s wearing a cap like michael’s

and mary’s wearing a coat like cas’

..does this mean this story’s gonna be about dean’s war between those two things, like the two worlds he knows

bobby’s parenting vs. mary’s parenting

michael’s need for him as a vessel vs. cas’ love for him as a bestest buddy bro friend

not sure how bobby = micheal / mary = cas but i’m sure there’ll be some kind of explanation later

OR maybe they’re just costumes and they mean nothing

but......is that ever true? trenchcoats are automatically a cas thing now. and that cap is so iconic as michael now???

-

04:09

i relate to this lady in the suit who has had Too Much Of Everything

i enjoy seeing people know their limits and expressing them to others rather than continuing past breaking point

sam’s doing great but also....... no

take a page from this lady’s book, sammy

-

04:11

mary’s walking with sam

and i just wanna take a minute to appreciate how EASY meredith glynn’s episodes are to watch

her scripts flow so gently and everything makes logical sense

and her characters are coherent

there’s just this nice touch of emotional human realism cloaking all the supernatural weirdness and i so, so appreciate that

like.. for me personally, there’s not a single writer on the current team whose writing comes close to glynn’s

i want her to write more episodes with cas though, i know she’d write him just right

i honestly feel like i’m being hugged by someone as i watch this

so soft around my heart

is good

-

04:16

sam: “you [and bobby have] gotten pretty close lately”

mary: “i thought so too”

OH WAIT I GET IT

I GET THE COAT AND THE HAT NOW

IT’S A DESTIEL THING

OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW DID I MISS THAT

IT’S SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS HOLY FUCKING FUCKDISAFKDSHGF

even the casual viewers will probably have noticed this one. i know it took me a second but as soon as this discussion happened it clicked

 this is probably the most obvious parallel they’ve ever done i think

i didn’t see it before because i didn’t EXPECT it, you know?? ugh this is so validating

-

04:22

now every word mary says, i’m just envisioning how it applies to cas’ perspective too

“he’s been hunting all the time, he won’t take a break even for a second. there’s something on his mind”

yeah, that mICHEAL HAT, quite literally sitting over his head like a dark halo

-

04:26

the music in this episode is just so pleasing to my ears

-

04:31

things i appreciate:

normal people being all “wtf you hunt monsters” and just being present while dean and sam talk about their shit

sam’s reference to “hunteri heroici” (my all-time fave episode besides “scoobynatural” jdgd that was five years ago what the hell)

-

04:35

me: takes screenshot of this very pretty, very anxious lady because i want my hair to do what her hair does

-

04:36

oop we just found the dean mirror and now we get to hear someone talk about the things he feels and offer advice that ultimately helps himself

god i love this

AND THE FACT I CAN UNDERSTAND THIS PARALLEL AND WHY IT’S HAPPENING

AGAIN SOLIDIFIES THE DEAN/CAS THING WITH BOBBY/MARY

because what mary said about bobby = what cas thinks about dean = what’s true about dean = this lady being overworked = dean not taking time off from hunting

(although it does seem to specifically apply to sam as well ?)

and sam mentioned earlier about how the dad he knew and the dad mary knew were different people, plus the earlier mentions this season about john’s problematic parenting (i forget when)

yeah that really makes a point of saying john abused his kids, for sure

-

lady: “he was gone all the time, working for us, he said”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

-

lady: “i worshipped him when i was a kid. didn’t know any better”

oh deanie

please take notes

please know it’s okay to be angry at john and not continue to love him in a way that excuses his behaviours, even 14 years after he died

-

wait wait wait

dean tells her to let it go, it’s the past, there’s nothing you can do about it now so it’s just baggage

WAIT

THAT MEANS

THAT MEANS HE LET THAT SHIT GO ALREADY???????

WHOA

OKAY COOL. COOL COOL COOL I’M PROUD OF YOU

now go be gay with cas

-

“i try. every single day.”

hell yeah dean winchester giving good mental health advice to people and also millions of depressed people with various traumas watching this

ngl this legit just helped me a tiny bit with my issues with my own dad

urhgutguugb meredith glynn you are the good we need in this world

..............suddenly getting real emotional because goddamn i wanna meet her someday ;~; i wanna meet 1. misha and 2. meredith glynn, maaaaybe 3. jensen idk

mEREDITH GLYNN IS MY KINDRED SPIRIT

and DEAN WINCHESTER HELPS ME BE A MORE SELF-ACCEPTING PERSON

yay

-

04:49

no but like.......... everyone seemed to enjoy last week’s episode, i only saw people posting good reviews. and i felt bad not not enjoying it, even though all the things people pointed out should’ve been right up my alley, something about the overall thing just fell flat for me

but this one

this one speaks to my heart

-

04:53

maggie: “i didn’t mean to get caught--”

sam: “no no no, stop that. you did nothing wrong. okay?”

sam being a better dad to maggie than john ever was to anyone

-

04:57

OH NO BOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!

-

05:01

dean: “you’re giving him transfusions?”

nurse: “keeps up his iron”

suddenly i don’t trust the nurse

trying to take over the property maybe? a la scooby-doo, it’s always about real estate

-

05:02

dean: “sasha, could you go....... make me a ....sandwich ?”

DEAN NO

(i type, in pain, as i laugh)

-

/rewatches that interaction because it was actually really sweet the way dean mouthed “go” to sasha and she understood

-

05:05

i’ve wanted a djinn story for SO LONG

(even wrote one myself - Prince of the Ether Realms)

trust glynn to be the one to re-weave the exact threads of this 14-year saga that also interest me specifically

also kudos for the fact she’s so obviously knowledgeable about the ENTIRE HISTORY of the show, as opposed to certain other writers who seem to contradict previous facts and re-reference things that were used differently before to make an important point, thereby nullifying the first point when used a second time

-

05:11

hunter with the shaved head 10/10 style

headcanoning them as non-binary and into girls because of reasons

also there was a slight continuity error, this hunter hugs maggie twice in the two consecutive shots

-

05:15

bobby: “it ends the same” [with bobby dead, i guess?]

mary: “no. you are not allowed to give up on me”

seeing this as dean and cas again

yeah i saw someone mention how at the end of last episode, dean suggesting they drive off a cliff and sam being like NOPE kind of reflected the wrongness of the they-all-die-at-the-end for the finale of SPN

and i think this brings it back to that again

i agree that the best ending is the one where they live to fight another day, not go out guns a-blazing

and this is cas telling dean he’s not allowed to give up and die because he wants to live side-by-side for as long as they can

i just really really want cas to say that to dean in a soft emotional scene like this. we don’t really get those unless they’re parallels??? and i wANT MORE DEAN AND CAS TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS DAMMIT

-

05:20

DEAN AND CAS PARALLELS um i mean BOBBY AND MARY GOING OFF TO HANG OUT ALONE IN A CABIN OF LOVE AND HEALING

GDI LET DEAN AND CAS DO THAT TOO

but also awwww i actually kinda like the mary/bobby thing? because at the core, they ARE dean and sam’s parents, really

family don’t end with blood etc

bobby was the dad john never was

-

05:23

sam: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

this is so satisfying

next up: hula hoops of salt and iron knuckle-dusters

-

05:25

i love love love that dean can have a healthy mental approach to this shit, finally

i’m so fucking proud of him you don’t even know

i just......... i really wanna see him not only return to baseline mental goodness, but then overcome that and become greater at his zen thing, and then AT LAST be ready to accept cas’ love for what it is: romantic and everlasting and epic, and not have to interpret it into something else or ignore it to protect himself

-

05:28

that light over dean’s shoulder is the angel on his shoulder

but is it michael or cas?

i’m going with cas, given that michael is a dark-hat-halo

-

05:30pm

it’s over

that was amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing ;u;

bless meredith glynn for existing and bringing us such beautiful stories

BUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE GARDENER

WHY WAS HE THERE besides to ~add some colour~??? and i guess a red herring for viewers, so we have someone to suspect?

(idk. i never suspected him, because he was black and meredith glynn is better than that - unless she was trying to trick racist viewers?? (i know there's a lot of them, i saw the super-toxic comment section on instagram when jared, jensen and misha posted a “vote beto” thing the other day. and there was a poll mentioned at comic con once, half the american spn fanbase are republicans??? guess they really love guns and fascism))

i don’t really have anything to add here, i said it all as i went along

that dean/cas parallel....... oh boy

just please please please pleASE can we have Actual Destiel and not just parallels and hints. like. they barely talk???????? HOW IS THIS A SHOW WHERE TWO OF THE MAIN LEADS ARE CONSTANTLY FRAMED TO BE IN LOVE, WE’RE TOLD THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS, BUT WE ALMOST NEVER EVEN SEE THEM TOGETHER ANY MORE

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING

anyway the costuming was just so very UNSUBTLE and obvious and i think a lot of people would’ve caught that parallel even if they weren’t looking for it

music was good, directing was good, sasha’s hair was good, nobody we know actually died, that was good too

10/10

ten thumbs up

yeee

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Just a lot of personal rambling behind the cut on how I feel about the way “going out alone” seems to be portrayed in media these days.

So, this came across my Twitter timeline and I took a look because I often have to go to concerts, drag shows or wrestling shows alone. My bestest friends don't live close by, my sister and I don't share the same taste in almost anything and my brother tends to be a homebody unless it is something he is super passionate about. I have a local friend that is nice enough to let me tag along with her or will come with me to stuff she isn't even that big of a fan of, but I don't want to bother her constantly and she is often busy with her own interests. Therefore, if I wanna do and see things that mean a lot to me, I gotta suck it up and go alone. 

And funnily enough, it isn't something that ever crossed my mind to be bothered about, which is weird since I am overly affected by others' opinions of me. And I'm forever being told by people online I'm too old to like wrestling, drag and my favorite bands. So the fact that I've gone to so much stuff by myself is a hilarious contradiction to who I usually am, but I'm glad about that, for once.

2 years ago, I think, I decided to be impulsive and get myself a VIP package to a Simple Plan concert. I haven't followed their music for YEARS because I didn't connect with their self titled album all that much so they fell off my radar. However, I always check in on them from time to time and I saw that they were going on an anniversary tour to celebrate an album that meant a lot to me, I listened to on repeat and was just a big influence on my life. So, if they were gonna play that album, I wanted to go and if I wanted to go, I had to go by myself. I was able to afford a VIP package so why not treat myself while I'm at it?

I got in early and since I did not want any merch, I somehow grabbed a spot on the barricade all the way in front of the left hand side of the stage. And I had an absolute blast. The openers were good, Simple Plan was just as energetic, silly and great on stage as I remembered. And then afterwards, I got to go to the Pizza Party that came along with my VIP package.

I felt awkward collecting my slice and can of pop because THEN I realized, not only was I oldest than everyone there (which was ALWAYS the case when I went to SP shows, except for any guardians at the shows), I also seemed to be the ONLY one there all by myself. BUT, I had my phone and my NorCal bestie is on Cali time so I had someone to talk to and I ate my pizza and drank my pop on the floor and was fine. 

When 4 of 5 members of the band showed up (David D didn't attend), they spread out on the floor. And like a drag show I attended at the House of Blues once, there were separate lines to meet n greet the guys. It was super chill.

I didn't need to worry about the drummer, cuz no, haha. I will not get into my history with him. But for Jeff, Seb and Pierre, I got in line. Even though I had my phone, I also had my awesome camera that my brother got me years ago that takes fantastic concert photos and videos. But if I wanted a photo on there, I had to ask for help, so I did. I turned around and asked the group behind me if someone would please take the photo for me. 

Someone agreed and asked me if I was alone, and when I confirmed that I was, she said to me, "Wow, you're so brave." That comment has STUCK IN MY CRAW ever since.

Make no mistake, LIVING YOUR LIFE is definitely an act of bravery for millions of people who are not me. So I was, and still am, baffled as to why attending a concert alone would be considered an act of bravery by anyone. What is going on in the younger generation that they see being alone as brave? That is HELLA worrisome because to me, that translates into people surrounding themselves with WRONG crowds and/or staying in bad situations JUST so they won't be alone. And that is frightening to me.

I know I am not a great person, but I know I'm not a horrible person. I have problems and issues, but I'm surprisingly comfortable being with myself and only myself for the sake of going out and being able to enjoy shows and acts and concerts that bring me joy. Happiness is so fleeting as it is, so if I can go out and capture it for a few hours and the only caveat is that I must do so alone, I'm gonna do it! 

But then stuff like this article pops up on me and shows me that the culture as a whole seems to view being alone or doing things alone as negative. At least negatively enough that people wanna tell you why it is NOT bad, or give you tips on how to cover up the fact you're alone ... and it's like, I'm nobody but as someone who has done a lot alone, how can I help someone else see that it is not the end of the world? I've had some of the best times of my life when I was by myself. 

So at the end of all this pointless and nonsensical rambling, if someone made it, I just want you to know this:

Going out alone to enjoy the things you love is not a big deal and not anything you should feel bad about

If it makes you nervous or anxious? 100% get it and sympathize. That’s a different battle to be fought and I’ve had to fight that one as well. 

But in terms of just LIVING YOUR LIFE? Don’t let the prospect of fun pass you by just because you’ll have to go alone. I did that for a long time, regretting it pretty much EVERY time. But the times I’ve said EFF IT and just done it? I’ve had so much fun and nothing but good memories to keep in my heart. 

My next single outing will most likely be C2E2 in March in Chicago. I bought myself a weekend pass and a Doctors Photo Op with David Tennant and Matt Smith. I’m TRYING to convince my brother to go since he’s the one who got me INTO Doctor Who but he really doesn’t wanna go. So? Gotta suck it up and do it myself! I hate con crowds, but there’s SO MUCH to see and do at a con (went to C2E2 my first time all alone to meet my favorite author, Sherrilyn Kenyon) that the hours fly (if I’m not waiting on a photo op or autograph lol) and before I know it, it’s over. But I had fun seeing a lot of neat cosplay and cool merch and hopefully having a cool handshake with people I admire! 

[elenatria]

Headcanons and fan fiction aside, what’s your personal opinion about Chris and Tom, both as individuals (what type of persons they are, how you think they come across) and their relationship with each other (whether it’s a genuine friendship, played up for cameras, well covered dislike, one sided friendship, etc.) Sorry if this doesn’t make sense I’m just curious :)

Well… I can’t possibly have an OBJECTIVE opinion on two individualswhom we only see in interviews, promo tours, press conferences and premieres.

But after reading/ watching interviews and having longdiscussions with my friends I’ll tell you my SUBJECTIVE opinion on how theycome across to me.

Part 1: Chris

Chris grew up in nature, his family moving all the time, and they werenever well-off. Chris always remembered his folks stressing over how they’dmake ends meet. His mother was a teacher so he learned to appreciate herprofession, at the same time he wasn’t a good student. He admits that hisbrothers are better than him at studying and reading books, plus he never went toan acting school, he’s self-taught and, with looks like his, who needs it,right? :-P But as soon as he started working he helped his parents pay offtheir house loan, it’s the least he could do. 

From the way he’s so fidgety with everything he gets his hands on whilefilming (umbrellas in the Brisbane streets, hammers, Valkyrie’s sword) I mightsay he gets bored/distracted easily so he wants something to keep his handsbusy (so there might be traces of ADHD in there but AGAIN that’s just myspeculation - for all I know only Tom Holland has admitted he’s dyslexic). Kidswho are not good with books are usually good with sports or arts, and Chris is exactly that. 

I believe that all that freedom, his ties with his family and growing upin nature made him the man he is, laid-back, warm and funny. Some of us believethat one of the reasons he uses self-deprecating humour so much is to prove tothe world (and the ladies) that he’s not just a piece of meat, he’s more thanmuscles and good looks. That he’s smart. 

Plus I have a feeling he secretly (?) enjoys male attention as much asfemale attention. He might have a praise kink (I mean which actor doesn’t) andI’m sure he’s a major tease and a flirt with both men and women. However,although he doesn’t mind making heart eyes at his male co-stars, directors andinterviewers all the time (Anthony Mackie, Tom, Taika and Jimmy  Fallon toname but a few), when people question his sexuality he’s firm like when a fanasked him to comment on Tom having seen him naked (after he was done joking hegave her a big fat “NO”) or during the IW premiere when he was asked to playfuck-marry-kill and he said “It would be weird because they’re all maleand I’m married”. So yeah,  a major tease. :-P

He feels bad when his non-Marvel movies aren’t as successful as hisMarvel ones, at the same time he knows Marvel is a safe bet and he can go backto it whenever things aren’t going so well 

Everyone says he’s a great friend, a person you can rely on, someoneyou’d like to go on an adventure with, and he can be endlessly silly. At thesame time he’s a serious and devoted family man.

Part 2: Tom

About Tom, apart from being one of the nicest people in the industry anda true gentleman, he seems to be very very sensitive. He always comes across asvery humble although he was the son of a chemist who was able to send him toEton, so admittedly he got a head start. His mother seems to descend fromartistocracy as well so maybe his aristocratic behaviour has something to dowith that. Of course one does not just go to Eton, and Tom was (and is) thestudious type. I’m sure he was one of the best students in class. He remembers everything, he’s good at memorizing stuff and he also wrotearticles for the Eton journal or something. The thing is that he was sent awayfrom home while his parents were divorcing and that must have been quitetraumatic to him as he himself admitted. Being away from home for months on endat the age of 13 while your family is falling apart isn’t easy. 

It is said that he was very shy during his school years (maybe withgirls too) but acting helped him cope with his parents’ divorce (as well assome of his insecurities, I might add). 

The tabloids like to call him ambitious, I’d rather call him aworkaholic who’s more devoted to his art than anything else. He has made manysacrifices to become who he is (he confessed he had a fall out with a goodfriend because he didn’t go to his wedding in order to not miss an audition)and I suspect his dedication to acting doesn’t allow him to commit to long-termrelationships. 

As I read in his Esquire interview, “in the novel of The NightManager, Pine is described — here Hiddleston quotes — as “a perpetualescapee from emotional entanglement, a collector of other people’s languages, aself-exiled creature of the night, and a sailor without a destination. I readthat to my sisters and they said, ‘It’s you!’” You may draw your own conclusions from that.

My personal (and very subjective) opinion is that he talks abouthumility a lot but in reality he knows he’s good at what he does, there’s no hiding that. 

Plus he has developped a very complicated relationship with the fans andthe media despite himself. His enthusiastic nature, impulsiveness and eagernessto please, as well as his worry to “not miss a chance, not lose anopportunity, to not regret not doing something” perhaps pushed him to be tooopen. I believe he gave too much too soon to the media and the crowds, and thestudios and PR people endorsed that behaviour. I don’t know if they shouldhave “protected” him as some people say but I do believe he was somewhatnaive, trusting people more than they deserved. Because he always had the bestintentions, and perhaps he thought people were the same.

He’s a tease as well, and he relished every moment of his success asLoki. I think he might be a bit insecure deep down but when he puts on thetrickster costume all his insecurities fade away. I do believe that with Tomand Loki we have a clear case of Ego (who he is) and Supergo (his ideal self). WithLoki he lets go, he’s free to be sassy, chaotic, irreverent. In real life he’svery reserved, diplomatic, polite. Maybe with Loki he finds some kind offreedom and confidence that he normally doesn’t allow himself to have. 

He used to care too much about what people think of him but I think he’spast that now, I think he’s grown a thicker skin after he saw how ungratefuland canniballistic people can be.

I also believe, after months of speculation, that his feelings for TS weregenuine but his own insecurities matched with her entitled behaviour left himdisillusioned and heartbroken.

Part 3: Hiddlesworth

I’ve said this before, I don’t think they’re each other’s bestestfriend. They can’t, they live in different continents plus they have very differentpesonalities and lives (Chris is married with kids, Tom doesn’t have a familyof his own yet  and that, sadly, sets people apart). Tommentions “his best friend” a lot but that’s not Chris, otherwise he’d justsay “Chris”.

Also people like to say that Tom is more fond of Chris than Chris ofTom, and that, imho, is  -wait for it-   BS. Tom is always always prone to overshare, even Tom Holland himself said before Tom arrived atthe Shanghai press conference that he  likes to talk. 

Tom likes to describe even the glacier and the volcanic soil he andChris walked on while filming in Iceland so yeah, every in-depth interview hegives is like writing an essay. 

Chris, on the other hand, won’t reveal “the deep dark places inside him”to directors who try to bring out “the unseen Chris” because he believesthat stuff is personal and no director has the right to know, just to extract aperformance from him. So why open up to interviewers, right? Plus he’s notoverly sentimental with his own wife, he doesn’t write elaborate love letterson how and why he loves her, let alone open up about his friendship with Tom tocomplete strangers. 

I believe that Tom is a bit more sentimental and needy than Chris andmaybe maybe his insecurities are soothed by Chris’ light-hearted nature; let’s notforget that what we have here is a boy from a broken family and a boy whosefamily stuck together. Tom has his own family of course, his sisters, but henever had a brother so who knows if he sees in Chris’ relationship with hisbrothers something he doesn’t have. A sense of belonging and “complicity” perhaps?

I don’t think their friendship is played up for the cameras, no, whywould it be?

There’s no doubt Marvel used their chemistry to promote theirfilms with the help of the Hiddlesworth bromance but c’mon, just because their friendship is public that doesn’t mean it’s not private as well.

 And no, I don’t think it’s one-sided at all.

[kpopidolsarehumanstoo]

“Unexpected Meeting” Xu Minghao (The8) : Drabble

Pairing: Xu Minghao (Seventeen) x male reader

Genre: Fluff 

Relationship with reader: They don’ t know each other yet.

Quick Summary: You and your friend came back to Korea and it just so happens that Seventeen also just landed their plane. 

Warning: The usual cursing lol. 

A/N: This was previously a draft my friend made on my laptop. @livingheartimes and then I realized it was quite nice so I contacted her asking for permission to edit her stuff, and she approved my request so this happened lol. 70% of this was from her and the 30% was from me editing it (mostly changing the pronouns from “I” to “you”. @livingheartimes if you do not like it I'm sorry pls don't kill me TwT lol. I mean I took out quite a huge chunk of your previous plot TwT.

Ps: I hope that yall will like this, again credits go to @livingheartimes  UwU.

Word count: 1,677

You and f/n came back to South Korea from a summer vacation in Iceland. Iceland was really great. It was so peaceful. No one bothered the both of you, literally. The both of you stayed there for only 4 months. You wished you could stay forever, but sadly nothing lasts forever.

You and f/n had a lot of differences despite being the bestest of friends. Your friend disliked Korean music yet he is Korean. He dislikes his own race, he dislikes his own language, he dislikes South Korea. I am (nationality) but, i personally love Korean music. Specifically, K-pop.

He’s usually optimistic, so it’s weird hearing him say such negative things. He’s the type of person that whenever someone bullies him, he looks in the mirror and just says that he loves himself. He’s a bit weird, but in a good way. He hates books. Whenever we go to the library, he always falls asleep. Sometimes, the librarian would even kick us out. He tends to play computer games. He uses social media but is so addicted to computer games.

He is also aromantic, he does not feel any romantic attraction to any sexuality or gender. It’s fine though. You personally don’t care what his romantic preference is (or lack thereof), he’s your friend, you respect him.

You met him when the both of you coincidently, got buried in a mob of books. The books from the upper shelves fell on top of both of you. You were irritated at that time. You were about to freak out but then you heard him laugh. He seemed to enjoy what just happened. You thought he was insane until he helped you up. Since then, he’s been following you for a month and soon enough the both of you became friends.

Crazy isn’t it. You have a friend, after like a zillion-years. Three to four months into your friendship he said he was going to leave for South Korea. You were also going to leave for Kore at that exact date but you decided not to tell him. He suddenly invited you to go with him. He’s totally crazy, in a good way.

Anyways, the both of you arrived in South Korea. A lot has already changed after only 4 months. Well, South Korea is one of the most advanced countries in Asia. Explains it though. You walked together out of the airport. While the both of you were walking, you glanced at him. You noticed he had a smile on his face, but his eyes said it all. You noticed in his eyes that they were filled with hatred. You knew it then, he wasn’t really excited at all.

You told him to come with you away from people but then you heard someone call out.

“y/n! y/n! Here! Come on!”  f/n heard her, too.

“y/n, let’s go!” He said cheerfully and made you follow him. He stopped and waited for you. You just walked and realized how cute he was.

You reached the girl. Her name was g/n. She was a childhood friend of yours.

“g/n , what are you doing here?”

“Well, I heard you were heading here so I decided to wait for you. And for your friend I guess.”

“Thank you, miss g/n. My name is f/n. Nice to meet you.”

“F/n? Nice to meet you, too. But, please, don’t call me miss.”

The both of them laughed it out, leaving you in the side lines.

“G/n, were you waiting for anyone else? You don’t seem to have the intention of moving.” You asked.

“Seventeen. They’re arriving from Japan. I want to see them so badly. Y/n aren’t you a fan of them?”

“Yeah, I am a fan of theirs, Is it ok if we wait for them f/n.”

“Sure.”

“F/n, do you have a place to stay?”

“We were planning on booking a hotel.”

“Just stay at my place then. I have spare bedrooms. The both of you could stay there.”

“Are you sure? We don’t want to inconvenience you.” You asked.

“Yes, I am quite sure.”

Suddenly the airport erupted in screams, when you decided to look towards the screams you saw Seventeen and you immediately stood still. You can not believe what you are seeing. Seventeen was passing by in front of you. Your eyes started searching for your bias right away, and just in time, the guy you were looking for stopped right in front of you.

In front of you was no other than Xu Minghao.Your heart skipped a beat and your breath stopped. Your brain is still processing that the guy you have always looked up to was right in front of you.

Minghao pulled his facemask down and smiled at you. Your brain immediately shut down.

“Hey, what’s your name?” He asked still having that cute smile directed towards you. By your side, you hear g/n squeal.

“Y/n-y/n I’m, Holy shit. Mi-Minghao?” You cursed at yourself for stuttering and stumbling your words.

“Ahh! Cool name. Were you waiting for us?”

You nodded your head yes.

“Ohhh okay. Who would’ve known we had Carats as good looking as you?” The words made you blush. His words were definitely having an effect on you, and you just wanted to hide your face.

“I’ve only been a Carat for on-only a few mo-months.”

“Fair enough. Anything fun happened to you, lately?”

“We just came back from I-Iceland.” You said.

He chuckled at your antics. He finds your stuttering cute and just wants to protect you.

“You’re really cute. Was Iceland nice? I want to visit Iceland someday. Maybe we could both go there together?” He said, ending with a suggestive wink. Your face becoming redder with each word he said.

You smiled as you replied cheerfully, “Iceland was amazing. Very peaceful, perfect for reading books.”

“Could you suggest a good book? I’ve been trying to read lately.”

Before you could answer, one of their guards called them, telling them that it was time to go.

“Wait for a while.” Minghao said to the guard. The guy was clearly pissed but obliged anyways. “Y/n, may I ask where you live? I would like to visit you sometime.” Minghao said with an akward tone on his voice.

You raised your eyebrow at him. “Dude, isn’t it quite weird to ask random people where they live? We barely know each other.”

With this, the cool front that Minghao tried his best to put up, immediately crumbled. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Now that he thinks about it he should’ve asked for your number instead.

“78 Gokdo Street.”

“Huh?” He asked, confused.

“I’m currently staying at 78 Gokdo Street, so if you want you could take a visit.”

Minghao smiled brightly, but his smile faltered when the guard was already having a hard time holding back the rabid fans.

“I’ll visit you soon, Y/n. Goodbye.” He said with a shy smile and puts on his mask. When he walked away, Jun took his hands and ran fast towards the impatiently waiting driver.

A smile blew up on your face. When you looked back towards your friends they had this teasing smirk on their faces.

“Can we just go now?” You asked.

They both nodded and then y’all took the taxi. You arrived at approximately an hour. You went inside your room right away. You still remember everything inside it, but it was cleaner. G/n must have cleaned the room. You lay down your bed right away and before you knew it, you went fast asleep.

The next day, you heard laughter and what sounds to be a strangled goat from downstairs. It woke you up. You tried covering your head with a pillow but the sound of strangled goat was getting on your nerves. You went downstairs frustrated and carrying your pillow. You just wanted to slaughter that fucking goat that ruined your sleep.

“Where the fuck is that goat from?” When you opened your eyes towards the living room, the first thing you realized was that the sounds came from g/n, and then you realized that she made those sounds because Seventeen was in her home.

You halted. Minghao was there talking to F/n. The rest of Seventeen were just there looking awkwardly at the girl having a seizure. And then they all stopped and looked towards you.

You ran back to your room as quickly as possible and locked the door. You stayed sitting behind the door.

“What the fuck? He actually tried visiting.” You whispered to yourself, baffled. You hastily changed your clothes and tried to present yourself at least somewhat decent. You mustered up your courage and went downstairs.

The view in front of you was a wild one. You see G/n on the floor quite possibly dead, the other members seem to be quite close already, they were currently at the kitchen and are emptying liquor cabinet (which makes you happy that F/n was starting to enjoy Korea, and with K-pop idols at that), and then there was Minghao. Ooh boy. He was sitting down properly on the couch, looking at G/n, visibly concerned. Yes, a few minutes with you gone and shit has already gone down.

You went towards Minghao and he immediately stood up straight like a pole when he saw you. You chuckled a bit and went to grab his arm.

“How about we go out and eat ice cream?” You asked.

He smiled but then it faltered when he looked back at your friend that is currently on the floor. “That would be nice and all, but what about her?” His face was filled with concern for the girl that has fainted.

“She’ll be fine. This happened quite often when we were in high school together.” You chuckled and he reciprocated.

“Fine. Let’s go.” Minghao said, a boyish grin set on his face. And with that the both of you set off.

The day ended with a new couple, 13 drunk guys, and a girl still asleep with a puddle of saliva by her side.

A/n: UwU. As always I don't know how to make titles UwU. Also my editing is quite shitty lol. Hope you liked it UwU. Time to make my Jeno fic now.

[sophygurl]

Thoughts for National Coming Out Day in this year of our lord twentyGAYteen:

1. When I was a teenager, I knew I was straight. In my 20′s, I knew I was bi. In my 30′s, I knew I was pan. I’m in my 40′s now and it’s gotten complex.

I’m non-mono romantically and sexually attracted, as in I have attraction to multiple genders. 

But I’m also suspecting more and more that I fall on the ace spectrum along the lines of akoisexual. I experience attraction, I like the idea of dating and relationships, but I don’t like the feeling of being attracted to, and the reality of dating or sex or being in a relationship feels yucky to me. Some of this might be due to PTSD stuff and/or other medical reasons. But it also might just be who I am. It could be a combo of both. Whatever the case, I’m cool being single.

I’m also poly, and I know not everyone thinks polyamory belongs under the queer/lgbtetc. umbrella, but for me it most definitely fits as part of my overall orientation and identity. When I was dating, I did mono or poly relating equally, but FELT poly whichever I was doing. And as a singleton now, I still FEEL poly. It’s important to me. And my platonic life partners still feel like a poly community to me. We have each other in ways that significant others do but just minus the sex and romance. 

I’m also genderqueer, and I’ve thought a lot about what that means to me individually. I don’t consider myself trans or non-binary. There’s a lot of complicated and personal reasons why that is the case for me, but it ends up sounding like gatekeeping because other people might share similarities to my situation but do consider themselves trans and/or enby, so we’ll just leave it as - it’s just how I personally do and don’t identify. I feel that I have a multiplicity of gender, including feminine and masculine both. But I am also very comfortable with my assigned bio sex as female. It’s my gender that’s queer - not my sex. For some people it’s the other way around, or both. 

All of this is long-winded and complex, and so much easier summed up as queer, so mostly I just go with queer. Also because apparently queer is having to be re-reclaimed these days which pisses me off so I’m just gonna use the word queer as often as possible. Queer. Queer. Queer! 

2. I’m out, open, proud, and loud about my identities. This is mostly because I’m just an obnoxious self-discloser in general and will tell anyone anything about myself at the slightest provocation. 

BUT Also, I do think it is very important for the people who can and want to be out to do so. Someone has to answer questions and challenge norms and be an example to young folk and make all this shit visible and normalized. And since I have no qualms about being out, I am happy to do these things for the folks who can’t or just choose not to. Because that shit is valid as hell, too. 

There are so many many reasons why someone might not feel safe to come out, or ready to come out, or not want to come out fully, or might just want to come out to some people and not others, or might want to come out about some aspects of their identities and not others, or might want to be fully out but not be bugged or questioned about it beyond stating what is true about themselves, etc. All of that is valid. 

But I’m here and openly queer and ready to talk about it. So feel free to ask me about my queerness. (This goes for other shit in my life, too. For example, I will answer questions about my chronic illnesses or my mental illnesses or about living on disability benefits or about being an abuse survivor or about my favorite books or my cats or whatever the fuck.) 

Leave the people who want their privacy alone. But I’m someone you can come at, as long as you’re polite and respectful about it. 

3. My coming out stories are kinda weird. Because my life has been kinda weird. So like, my dad came out to me when I was around 10 and my parents were splitting up. It came out along with a whole bunch of other stuff about the dysfunctional aspects of my parent’s marriage and some wrong things my dad did which is maybe the one thing I won’t talk publicly about yet because it’s not really my story to tell but I do talk about it privately. But so anyway. Yea.

My parents split up, my dad came out as gay and left the ministry as a result, and he moved out of town. This was in the mid-80′s in a conservative area of the midwest, so it was not a thing that was talked about publicly. I did not tell any of my friends for years. One friend found out by snooping through my things and then told me. Another friend and I got talking because he had a gay older brother and we were safe people to talk to about this thing (it later turned out we were both queer too but I sure didn’t know back then and I think he was probably in early figuring it out stages himself at the time). 

I didn’t tell anyone else until I got to college. Not even my bestest friend knew. So first things first - I had to come out about my dad being gay.

I didn’t personally have an issue with my dad’s gayness. I just knew other people were likely to, and I was being actively bullied by half the student body already and if this secret came out it would just have given them more fodder, so I kept it in. Turns out, some of my friends had figured it out anyway and were fine with it. And all of my friends were great about it once they were told. 

But not only was my dad gay, but my parents were very liberal and we had family friends who were gay, and my parents talked openly with me about trans people and intersex people and many other things so it was not an issue for me. I used to sometimes wonder if I might be gay and then go, nope, I like boys too much! lol

So then I got to college. And met and befriended people who were bisexual or at least bi-curious and it got me thinking... and one day while out thinking I caught myself watching a woman’s butt wiggling as she walked in front of me, and I realized that I enjoyed watching such things a lot, and the lightbulb clicked on like ooohhhhhhh I’m bisexual! 

My friends who were fine about my dad being gay were equally fine about my bisexuality. I mean, listen, some of them were conservative Christians who believed I was probably going to end up in hell some day - but they probably thought that about me before this realization for other reasons anyway - and they still loved and accepted me as a person, which is what mattered to me. I was a little worried to tell my dad because I knew not all gay people accepted bi people, but he was fine about it. 

The funny part was my mom. When I went off to college, my mom started doing as much self-exploration as I was doing. So we kept coming to the same realizations around the same time. Bisexuality, polyamory, Unitarian Universalism, etc. It was like - I discovered this new thing about myself ... oh yea, me too! lol

I’ve never had a negative coming out experience with anyone I actually care about. I’ve had strangers or casual acquaintances on the internet react badly, but that shit doesn’t bother me. 

I know I am incredibly lucky - both in how easy it’s been for me to figure out and accept my own identities, and in how easy it’s been for the people in my life to accept them and me. I remember I told my bestest friend about my bisexuality when I had just broken up with my first partner - a guy - and was heart broken and going to come live with her for a little bit until I got my life sorted back out a bit. I wanted her to know, in case I started to date a woman. But I also didn’t want her to worry about the whole living in the same space thing, so I assured her I wasn’t attracted to her in that way. She very comically asked me why, wasn’t she attractive enough, and acted offended, which was just the perfect reaction and I will love her forever for that. 

Not only have I never had a bad coming out experience, but I know that my coming out has directly helped others to come to terms with their identities, and has helped to educate open minded but unaware allies about lots of things. So I am very fortunate. 

And this is a huge part of why I can so easily and comfortably be out and proud. Not everyone gets to have the experiences that I’ve had. So if there is anything I can do to pay this shit forward and be there for other queer folk, I’m gonna always do it. 

I’m here and I’m safe to come out to. I will hold your secret as confidential. I will help you open up about it if that’s your desire. I will support you as you question and figure shit out. I will help you find resources. I will believe you. I will accept you. I will help raise your voice. I will be your voice if you can’t speak up for yourself. I will fight off your bullies. I will field your ridiculous questions. I will listen. I will hear you. I will tell you that you are not alone. 

[thatslayer]

RPC Positivity Week - Day One

                   Well, it's day numero one of the RPC Positivity Week and day one's challenge is to name off my favorite portrayals of characters from my own fandom of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it's spin-off, Angel the Series.

It's going to be hard to narrow down favorites, because the BtVS community has a lot of talent. Even if I don't mention you, know that it's only because I'm really narrowing each character down to one or two blogs. <3

Buffy Summers There are a fair amount of good Buffy's on tumblr, but @iwannadogirlystuff gets a gold star, here, for her great Buffy voice and constant battle to keep her muse canon and interesting. Sometimes that means being wrong, sometimes that means being single, sometimes that means being hurt and she doesn't take the easy way out and let all that work happen off-screen. She knows how to let Buffy take her own side while the greater plot stays neutral. Big on plot, zero drama. Happy to give real, helpful critique and ask for it in return because the story and portrayal are what matters, not the ego. She's also the kindest, most sweetest chickie you're likely to meet. I love you to bits and am absolutely biased. Gracious, girl, you're a gift from the RP gods, lol.

@buffyisms is such a dang cutie, so sweet. So much fun to talk to, especially when it comes to Duffy (Dean/Buffy) or the actual horrors of waitressing. I don't know her well, yet, but hope to remedy that!

Willow Rosenberg I've been writing with @optimisticyellowcrayon for a hundred-million years and a closer to canon Willow, I don't think I could find. She's got the voice down, and I can't imagine Willow's voice is all that easy to master. She gets this girl, eyeballs to entrails, and writing with her is like writing with a magical manifestation of the real Willow Rosenberg. And, on top of that, mun is crazy sweet and nice and awesome. Even when she's having a bad day, she goes out of her way to help make the OOC Bunkerverse a positive, supportive and friendly place to be and I loves the crud out of her.

I really like having @willowiiisms on my dash. We haven't done much writing together (my fauuuult), but he's fudging adorable and a lovely Miss Rosenberg, to boot.

Xander Harris There aren't really a lot of Xanders around, at least there aren't many active ones, but @strangeandoffputting goes the extra mile to make his Xander sound and act right -- even if that means Xander comes off badly to the reader. Before Jan took on Xander, I thought he couldn't do any better than his super on the mark Sam Winchester ( @samattheend ), but I think he's actually better at Xander than he is at Sam. He's also my actual tumblr husband, one of my bestest friends, and a silly dope who can long-distance cuddle with the best of them.

Rupert Giles @youhavemyrespect - Mo, my darling. If you love Giles and you aren't following this sweetheart, you're doing all the things wrong. They deeply, deeply understand Giles. His motivations always seem fully on the mark, he sounds like Giles (JUST like Giles, in point of fact). With the same measure to his words, the same tone and turn of phrase, the same personality down to a T. Mun is also such a kind, silly, wonderful person and rounds out our uber-canon Bunkerverse scooby gang.

@whowatches I haven't written with this Giles yet, but I have seen some stuff on my dash that I thought was pretty dang awesome. Mun is such a sweetheart. <3

Spike @spiketheforsakensoul​, the love of my unlife and one of the best Spike blogs you're likely to stumble upon. On an unfortunate hiatus while Wil plays over at Lucifer ( @punishmentismyjob ), but he's had something like 19-20 years experience with Spike (most of which he's wasted playing opposite yours truly <3) and knows the way his weird little mind works. Killer Spike voice + great writer + sexy mun = happy Faye.

Cordelia Chase @hervisions has the Cordy voice down pat, quips and all, and she's a welcome sight when she graces my dash. Everyone needs more Cordelia in their lives.

Faith Lehane Can I just point out how much I miss @beautypowerdeath? I hate it when people run off and leave me to fend for myself, lol. Probably my favorite Faith on the tumblee, and we've had our share of awesome Faith blogs.

Oh, I've known Char for too damn long. @faithiiisms is funny and silly and all sorts of awesome. One of my favorite Faiths. <3

Lilah Morgan @lilahemorgan​, who's a little ball of sunshine, always ready to write and has nothing but positive vibes for everyone. Lovely and welcome addition to the Bunkerverse, has no problem going toe-to-toe with the white hats while remaining ambiguous about Lilah's hero or villain status. Love to love ya, girlfriend. ;)

@hellscounsel - I still can't believe there are two Lilah's now, she's such an undersung character. This lovely miss can carry Lilah's moods and character voice, haven't done much writing with her, though! Mun is a cutie.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce Aaron's a hoot, carries half of the BtVS minor character blogs all by himself. Very good Wes voice, haven't had a chance to write with him, yet. Go follow @exwatcher, because I said so.

Ethan Rayne Well, it seems like all we've got is @liminalchaos, but that's just fine by me. Every now and then I'll see some hilarious meme go by on my dash, or some of their fantastic writing and it makes my day. Ethan is a treasure, and they're doing a damn fine job with him.

I know I missed a ton of folks, this is more a list of people I rp with or who I see on my dash often and enjoy their portrayals. Feel free to send me blogs if you think I should check them out/rp with them/update this list.

Remember, darlings! Be excellent to each other and part on, dudes!

[xjmparrish]

Christmas Gifts 2017

Everyone receiving something from J this year is listed below in alphabetical order by first name. Each gift bundle has a handwritten card attached detailing just what is being given and well-wishes for the upcoming New Year. 

@skarsgardb @xolively @candicepat @cmmurrray @quirkymisscb @krispinot @clrholt @deltslea @bviewgron @levittjoe @sharnamayxo @shay-bright @drizztroi @tylerjbburn @chmerkval @zendayam @zoeydevtch 

Happy Holidays❤️

Bill,

Best friend. Here is my returning the gift of our hot chocolate bar, for when our schedules suck at matching, and a scarf to help you keep warm. I also may or may not have taken the chance to do something we’ve planned for months, and if the passport case isn’t a hint.. yes that is a plane ticket. I’m dragging you home to your motherland!  Thank you for being the bestest friend I made this year, love you lots!!

Merry Christmas - J

Blake,

My Monica to my Rachel, my Cristina to my Mer.. I hope you like the diaper bag! I figured #momneeds. Before you kill me for making you think I got the girls better gifts between Ines’s shoes and Jame’s food truck, I have to say, even if the diaper bag was empty you’d still love me, right? This Christmas I thought I’d take it upon myself to spoil you some. So aside from the baby bag, every momma bear needs black sunnies for those rough mornings, comfy slippers for lazy afternoons, a fancy robe and pj shorts for those nights you wanna feel a little special. It also wouldn’t be spoiling you without some jewelry, so some cute earrings and a watch will come in handy next time we go on a girl’s date. I also threw in some essential oils for fun. Last but not least, I know you love chocolate. So chocolate covered almonds it was! (You should probably share some with your hubby cause that one’s half his.. if you want.) So happy holidays my wife, nieces, and I guess you too Ryan.. LOL! 😜 I love you all! 

Merry Christmas - Janellybean

Candice,

My soul sister of sorts (the offer to marry is still on the table) , I had to spoil you just a bit after you suffered rooming with me on the trip. So a bracelet and some earrings to add to your wardrobe and just a little something extra to keep your life stylish. I hope you love it as much as I love you! 

Merry Christmas - Janel

Chad,

My favorite human (and your mini me). Needless to say, I didn’t know what to get you. Hopefully, in time I’ll learn how to shop. Naturally, the first thing I picked up was a bottle of Jack for those late nights. Then I decided I couldn’t go wrong with clothes and accessories. Two sweaters and a jacket to keep warm, hopefully you like them. (If not, I’ll totally get you new ones.) I’ve also learned that you try to rep the Bills just about anywhere, so a new snapback seemed perfect. It’s a good look on you  😜 Then I got you some sunnies last (you’ll be twinning with Jlo), figuring everyone could always use another pair. And for Jackson, I’m still learning on the kid front, so a stuffed animal is always a safe bet. So he gets a dinosaur, because what kid doesn’t like dinosaurs?  I might also secretly be hoping he learns a thing or two from me because I got him a little keyboard (you can hate me, just be happy it’s not drums) and lastly a collection of play-doh. It’s a right of passage for a kid. I promise, I’ll get better at this gift giving thing in the future. Thanks for making this holiday season just a little more special. 

Merry Christmas - Janelly 

Chloe,

For the bestest duet partner in the world, some boots, a red coat (I think I’m secretly turning you into A) and cute little ear muffs to keep you warm this winter! Thank you for making 2017 awesome, you deserve so much more. Love you pretty lady! 

Merry Christmas - Janel

Chris,

My favorite Chris (that’s still our secret), some items to keep you warm this season and a pair of sun glasses so that you stay looking cool everywhere you go. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and even better start off to the new year! 

Merry Christmas - Janel

Claire,

My favorite blondie from the land down under, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you but I thought now being in town together, I’d get you just a little something. So a scarf, beanie, and some sunnies seemed perfect. I couldn’t get over how cute the glasses were and had to get them, so I hope you get good use out of them. Love you!

Merry Christmas - Janel

Delta,

Pretty lady that I love so dearly, I hope you get good use of your gifts this coming year! A cute chunky sweater to keep warm, a little black cold shoulder lacy top for adding a little cute to layering, and some booties with a tie back. I hope you love them, and they’re just a little thank you for being one of the best people I’ve been fortunate enough to meet this year. Have a wonderful Christmas babes!

Merry Christmas - Janel 

Dianna,

Di, I saw this bag and thought of you so I had to get it. It might just be my love of the color red on you. So what better thing to include than a new red lipstick? And along with the lip trend, gloss is all the rage right now so a fresh tube could never hurt. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

Merry Christmas - that one random cheerleader from a decade ago (Janel)

JGL,

To the man who does it all and puts my workaholic nature to shame by a longshot, seeing as you’ll be heading off on travels for work I thought a backpack might come in handy to pack some stuff in. Maybe even instead of lugging around everything on your visits back to town, it could come in handy. And you’ve also got new shoes for the new year, which I really hope you like! Have a wonderful holiday! 

Merry Christmas - Janel 

Shar, 

Disney, disney, disney. The little mermaid and her baby get themed gifts this year. So for you Shar, sweats and a cute little backpack because you could never have too many. And for baby El, a little Minnie Mouse dress. I couldn’t help myself when I saw the backpack and that’s how this came about. Hope you love! 

Merry Christmas - J

Shay,

Shannon, my sister from another mister (and part time lover?) Nothing says Merry Christmas to you like furry jackets, and because you’re 200 times more stylish than me.. feel free to donate to Sammy if you don’t like. A faux fur hoodie, yes a hoodie, the best of both worlds, I think very Shan appropriate. The second coat is Mimi inspired, so you can live out your dreams nightly lip syncing to the RENT soundtrack in your living room. Lastly, not one but two sriracha key chains because nothing says Shay like bringing your own hot sauce anywhere. Kleo wanted to give Foxy and Angel some stuffed animals to play with too, so enjoy! Kisses from us to you! 

Merry Christmas - Janel & Klee

Troi,

My caffeine addicted hippie rocker big sis, nothing screamed your name at me more than this Coffee & Friends sign when I saw it, I just had to get it. I’ll personally build you a coffee bar to hang it over if I need to. A new mug to add to the collection, too. A girl could use a hat from time to time, so here’s a new one that I hope you don’t have yet. And lastly, a poncho to stay just a little warmer this winter. With all of the love. 

Merry Christmas - J

Tyler,

My TyTy. Auntie J and Kleebear got Dylan a couple of toys, I hope they last her longer than a few hours. Lol. And for you Ty, I raided AllSaints for you to show my love. A hat to add to the collection, and two shirts you probably already own but could use new ones of. And it couldn’t be Christmas without just a slight reminder that we probably belong on the naughty list, so a new lighter and flask for the new year baby! 😜 Much better than coal. Love you, loser. 

Merry Christmas - Janey & Klee

Val,

V, I couldn’t help myself but get your something after reconnecting (also kind of makes up for that one Christmas but, you know..) so I hope you like everything. Between traveling and rehearsals, I figured you could use a new bag to carry your stuff in. Also, some new wireless headphones for those long nights on the tour bus or early mornings at the airport. A snapback repping the OG Brooklyn team, because nothing says you more than a backwards snapback (no kitty ear damage to this one necessary). And lastly, what is quite probably your true love in life.. nutella. Enjoy, babe!

Happy Holidays - that one Chinese-Irish Hawaiian chick 😜

Daya,

Z, let’s be honest I didn’t know what to get the most stylish person I know. But I figure, you can make just about anything work, so maybe I shouldn’t stress. So I got you some black knee high boots, cute high high socks (they don’t have to go together, I just thought they’d be cute) and a white bag to offset all of the black. All hopefully a great start for 2018. I hope you love everything! xoxo 

Merry Christmas - J

Zo,

To the little sister I never knew I needed until your mama making out with my boo on tv someone brought us close (it’s a weird family dynamic). It’s been a blast reconnecting, and I can’t wait for new adventures in 2018. In the meantime, I got you a pretty dress nobody else could rock, a shirt to remind you that what Mama Lea and do, you can too, and a beanie that just says what I think about you like 99.9% of the time. (The only time my mind changes is when you’re clumsier than me.) Also, the homemade food from Mama P just as promised, still warm so you better eat up! Love you!!

Merry Christmas - Janel

[bluering8]

TNG S01

I’m done with TNG S01! I’ve gotta watch some other stuff before I launch into S02, so have a quick round-up of my Very Important opinions on various characters/episodes:

Data - I love Data!! Holy shit do I love Data!! He is precious to me and perfect in every way and I want to hollow him out and wear his skin like a suit. That... possibly sounds creepier than I meant? Look, he’s my perfect wish-fulfilment character, okay. He’s earnest and awkward and he never quite Gets It, but he wants to Get It so badly, and he tries so hard, and whenever he talks people are constantly cutting him off partway through because they’ve decided he’s saying too much or saying it wrong, and he sort of... exemplifies what has been my perspective of the Autistic Experience. And despite all that, he has a career he enjoys and friends who care about him and I want to be him so much that it kind of hurts.

Also, Data has feelings. I will fight anyone to the death on this issue, I sincerely can’t see how anyone could look at Data and not come to the conclusion that he has feelings. Data has so many feelings! He might not have feelings the way humans have feelings, but he unmistakably has his own opinions and his own way of relating to the world. It’s heartbreaking that he doesn’t recognise the value of his own experiences in favour of desperately trying to live up to some arbitrary “correct” way of existing.

Deanna Troi - I hate Troi. I do not want to hate Troi, because empaths are way cooler than they usually get credit for, but she’s so fucking annoying. All she ever does is say things which were already completely fucking obvious. She’s a walking violation of show-don’t-tell and every time she opens her mouth I groan because I know whatever she’s about to say is going to ruin my enjoyment of a scene. About the nicest thing I can say about her is that she’s still a better character then Wesley, being merely irritating rather than universe-warpingly terrible.

Jean-Luc Picard - Picard’s such a dad, holy shit. I never noticed this when I watched TNG before, but now I’m picking up on it as, like, the major facet of his personality. I mean, he also drinks Earl Grey and LARPs as a detective and discusses philosophy with aliens, but mostly he’s just Space Dad now and forever. Somehow I also forgot the LARPing as a detective part of his character? Picard’s just a huge fucking nerd isn’t he.

Q - I have very mixed feelings about Q. On the one hand I always love arrogant, capricious, petulant trickster gods, especially when they have Q’s flair for the theatrical, but on the other hand I think when it comes to Q I maybe love him more in concept than in execution? I spend a lot of time thinking about trickster-god entities and how a nigh-omnipotent creature unbound by linear time and the laws of physics might relate to the universe, and Q’s a very mundane example of the character type. On the gripping hand, Q’s super fun and whenever he shows up I know I’m in for a good time. I strongly suspect that if I were a Q I would also spend an obnoxious amount of time trolling Picard. He’s just so delightfully trollable!

Tasha Yar - Yar falls into a lot of tropes which I absolutely hate, but despite that I kind of... love her anyway?? I just don’t get enough masculine female characters to not love them even when they have rape-y backstories and secret desires to be more feminine and Issues feat. their emotional vulnerabilities, I guess. She was kind of frustrating at first because she kept randomly attacking people, but in the later episodes she seemed to mellow out a lot and started acting the way I’d expect of a security chief, ie 101% willing to solve problems with violence but no longer functioning on a hairtrigger. I’m sad that she died, I would’ve loved to see what she could have grown into as the show developed.

Also she was bros with Worf! Somehow I completely forgot about that, but I love it. This is an extra layer of tragedy in her death, Yar&Worf is a delightful friendship and if it’d had space to develop I sincerely believe it could have toppled Data&Geordi as my most beloved Trek brotp. This is what fanfiction is for, I suppose.

Wesley Crusher - I know it’s kind of Trek cliché to loathe Wesley but boy do I ever loathe Wesley!! The funny thing is that I actually liked him for the first two or three episodes: he was a bright and enthusiastic kid who was transparently desperate for Picard to be his father figure (and Picard was transparently disinterested in being his father figure, which is hilarious), but then he was allowed on the bridge despite not being part of Starfleet or even an acting-cadet at the time, and then the action paused in the middle of an episode so Picard could get lectured on how Wesley is the bestest most wonderfulest, and then... you get the point.

I’m not here to shit on wish-fulfilment characters (I mean, that’d be hypocritical as fuck considering my feelings about Data), I’m here to shit on wish-fulfilment characters who are so devoted to wish-fulfilment that they stop functioning adequately as a character. The universe warps itself into a pretzel so that Wesley can be the bestest most wonderfulest and it really really pisses me off.

S01E01E02 Encounter at Farpoint - You know, for a nigh-omnipotent weird space being, Q is amazingly fucking dumb. Like, who agrees to judge people based on a test without realising that if you tell people you’re testing them they’ll go out of their way to be on their best behaviour? You’re not gonna be getting any kind of reliable data here, Q.

S01E07 Lonely Among Us - What the fuck was this episode, I mean seriously. Okay, so we open with two groups of diplomats who super super hate each other and the Enterprise has to transport them to a meeting, so you’d assume that the episode would revolve around dealing with the conflict between the two groups right? Except no, that’s like the d-plot, the a-plot is there’s a weird space thing and the b-plot is Data has a crush on Sherlock Holmes. The c-plot is Wesley does his homework. And then the episode ends with the news that one group of diplomats has cooked and eaten a member of the other group and Picard’s like “lmao I don’t give a shit, Riker you deal with this I’m gonna go take a nap.” What the fuck, basically.

In other news, spacefuture meat is all cruelty-free synthesised magic apparently. I wonder if vegetarians still exist? Other than vulcans, I guess. I don’t know enough about the philosophy behind not shoving delicious chunks of animal corpse into your face to work out the answer here.

S01E08 Justice - I talked about this episode already and honestly that’s all you really need to know. People try to talk to Picard about Wesley’s impending death and Picard immediately changes the topic to talking about the weird space thing, rinse and repeat.

Anyway I was recently reading about a guy who was transporting prisoners when some of the prisoners escaped. The punishment for letting prisoners escape was death, so he released the rest of the prisoners then ran off to be an outlaw because it wasn’t like they could kill him any more then they were already going to. Then he became Emperor! Anyway the moral of the story is that Light Yagami is a moron escalating punishments are important and if someone knows you’re gonna kill them for something they did then they have basically no reason not to go and do a bunch of other crimes also.

S01E10 Hide and Q - Hey, quick quiz: you encounter a nigh-omnipotent entity who has previously mocked your species for being savage and violent. Said entity dumps you on a planet with a bunch of weird monsters. Do you: a) attempt to communicate with these monsters in the hopes of reaching a peaceful solution, or b) savagely resort to violence by shooting them with your space guns? If you picked option b, then congratulations! You are the crew of the Enterprise. This technically wasn’t the point of the episode, but come on! Step up your mind-game game, Q.

Also Picard yells at Q for constantly changing his costume and it’s like, Picard, dude, you’re aware the thing you’re yelling at isn’t actually Q? Q isn’t a human with superpowers, he’s an incomprehensible entity who occasionally puppets around a meatsack so you can have something convenient to yell at. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from Greek mythology and also Lovecraft, it’s that you super super do not want to see the incomprehensible entity’s true form.

S01E13 Datalore - I LOVE DATA AND I LOVE HIS HORRIBLE BROTHER!! but also, fuck Wesley. I hate Wesley. He’s immediately suspicious of Lore-as-Data purely on the basis of he sees “Data” doing Lore’s facial tic despite the fact that at the beginning of the episode he walked in on Data attempting to mimic sneezing, and despite the fact that there are several other characters with much better reasons to find Lore-as-Data suspicious.

Actually, you know what my dream rewrite for this episode would be? Someone becoming suspicious of Lore-as-Data, not because they think he’s Lore, but because they think he’s Data. The crew had previously been discussing whether or not they could trust Data now that he’d found links outside of Starfleet, so having that issue play out onscreen would’ve been fantastic. (Especially if it influenced their behaviour towards Data and Lore tried to take advantage of that as a “your friends are dicks, betray them and join me” kind of thing. I’m Here(tm) 24/7 for manipulation and corruption, my dude.)

S01E17 When the Bough Breaks - You know, this entire episode could’ve been solved with cloning. I mean actually it couldn’t, but the problem they thought they were having could’ve been solved with cloning. Ask the Enterprise for some unfucked genetic material and you can make your own kids! As many kids as you want!! More than six kids because seriously I don’t know what you were expecting to achieve with that, that’s not enough people to keep your planet alive.

S01E19 Coming of Age - This episode is an excellent example of What’s Wrong With Wesley. Wesley does an exam, and he loses some points in order to help another person with the exam, and at the end he’s told the other person passed but he didn’t, and the other person’s like “oh but that only happened because Wesley lost points by helping me!!”, because Wesley is so bestest most wonderfulest that the only reason he fails is because he sacrificed himself to help someone else to succeed. There’s a vague attempt at suggesting “oh, but there were other reasons Wesley failed!!” but like, fuck you, you don’t get to show me nothing but Wesley succeeding and then attempt to salvage this mess by telling me there were other factors at play, especially not when there’s so much attention devoted to Wesley helping the other person.

S01E22 Symbiosis - Everyone spends this episode focusing on the wrong thing. See, the Brekkians are selling medicine to the Ornarans, except actually it’s not medicine it’s addictive drugs, and this is bad because... drugs are bad? Don’t do drugs kids!! Why are you all focusing on the part where there are drugs and not the part where the Brekkians are lying shitbags taking relentless advantage of the Ornarans so that they can live like parasite kings in a capitalist hellscape castle?

“Golly gosh I sure can’t understand why anyone would voluntarily become dependent on a drug!!” says FUCKING WESLEY, THE WORST CHARACTER, completely missing the part where the drug actually is medicine and the Ornarans are entirely unaware that they no longer have the plague the drug is medicine for and thus believe that they have literally no other choice than to take the drug if they want to live. There is nothing “voluntary” about this at all, Wesley you absolute fuckwad!! Somebody shove this kid into a locker already.

S01E23 Skin of Evil - There are no pockets in Starfleet uniforms so everyone spends this episode wandering around with stuff awkwardly glued to their sides and it’s terrible and hilarious. I’m pretty sure this is true of other episodes but this is the one where I found it really really noticeable and couldn’t stop laughing.

...this episode was just obnoxiously funny in general actually, Goo Man is trying so hard to be super evil and scary and grimdark but nobody really gives a fuck about it, he’s more just like majorly inconvenient and kind of irritating than he is actually threatening at any point. “You don’t understand! I don’t serve evil, I am evil!!” the Goo Man wails. Picard categorically does not give any kind of a shit in response.

tl;dr: Data is precious and perfect and every time he’s onscreen I start weeping. YOU’RE DOING GREAT, DATA! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!

[honeybearloco]

“...With Her.”

Requested by an anon. I don’t what I have just written. I am sorry. I’m not even proud of this. 😫I have no clue where the hell I was going with this. I hope this is somewhat close to what you expected. 

“Yah! That’s not fair! I saw her first!” Dabin shouted at Christian. “I’m older!” Christian screamed back. “Why are you to fighting again?” You questioned. They looked over to you and their eyes widened. “Y/N!”

You met Dabin first. The two of you were the same age. You remember exactly how the two of you became friends. You were on the swing set all by yourself. You were around seven at this time. You hated it here. You recently moved to Seoul. One thing you truly hated more than the preppy little girls, the outfit. It wasn’t really the whole outfit, it was the skirt!

Dabin walked up to the swing set and sat in the swing next to you. “What’s wrong?” He asked. “I hate it here. I wanna go home.”

“I do too. Maybe we could keep each other company.”

“Sure, I guess.”

You talked with him until it was time to go back to class.

“Thank you for hanging out with me today. Same time, tomorrow?” He asked.

You nodded. He turned around and began to head toward his class, then it hit you. You didn’t know his name.

“HEY! WAIT!” You screamed after him.

He turned back to you. “We never told each other our names!”

“Dabin! Hong Dabin! You are?” He said loudly to make himself heard because you were quite far from him.

“Y/N! Y/N L/N!”

The two of you became the bestest of friends. The two of you became such great friends, he wanted you to meet his friend who was two years older than him. You were excited to meet him.

You walked with Dabin to the local playground. When you got there, there wasn’t that many people. Just mothers and their little babies. Then there was one kid who was bigger than the rest. Dabin ran out up the kid. “Christian!” “Dabin!”

They shared a hug. Dabin pulled back and looked back to you. “Come on! Don’t be shy.”

You walked up to the two of them.

“This is Y/N? She’s pretty.”

You felt your cheeks warm up at his compliment.

“Well, Y/N this is Christian. Christian this is Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you.” You said before you bowed.

“Nice to meet you too.”

The three of you were the bestest of friends. You couldn’t be separated. Your family said you hung out with them too much and that you were starting to act like a boy. You ignored it and continued to do you, like the amazing person you were.

As all three of you grow up, things were changing, but all of you were still close. You were even closer than ever. Christian became a musician turned director and founded his group, DPR. Dabin became a rapper and went under the stage name, DPR Live. Then there was you. You had become an actress. A well respected and loved actress if I say so myself.

As the older you grew, something changed about you. And both Christian and Dabin saw it. When they were kids, they didn’t think it would happen, but it did. Dabin and Christian were both had feelings for you.

You never felt that way about either of them. Even if you had doubts, you had to stop yourself because you loved and cared for the both of them as brothers. You knew it would ruin your friendship to date one of them.

Today you were catching with them. It had been awhile since you were busy staring in movies and dramas. You treated them to a nice lunch at a nearby cafe from your agency.

“It’s so nice to be hanging out with the two of you again! Just the three of us! I’ve missed the two of you so much.”

“I miss you too!” The both of them said at the same time.

You couldn’t help but giggle.

“I’m gonna go get some Boba. You guys want some?” You asked.

“HONEYDEW!” They answered together before staring each other down.

“Whatever, weirdos.”

You walked over the counter to placed an over with three large sized Bobas.

“Yah! Why are you flirting with Y/N?!” Dabin asked Christian.

“Because I like her.”

“What?! I like her!”

“Step off Dabin. I’ve liked her since we were in high school. She used to come to me for help with her homework since I was two grades above the two of you. I clearly deserve a chance with her.” Christian sassed.

Dabin scoffed. “Yah! That’s not fair! I saw her first!” Dabin shouted at Christian. “I’m older!” Christian screamed back. “Why are you to fighting again?” You questioned. They looked over to you and their eyes widened. “Y/N!” They both said shocked.

“How come you guys are being so weird and saying everything at the same time?” You questioned before giving them their Boba.

They stayed quiet and took a sip.

“Now you guys wanna shut up. Something is up with the two of you. How about we go to playground after this and just swing for a bit, you know like we used to?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Dabin spoke up before taking a sip from his Boba.

After the lunch, the three of you walked to the playground. Christian sat on the last swing to the right. You sat next to him. Dabin sat in the swing to the left of you. It was silent for a bit.

You looked down at the ground. Dabin looked over to you with soft eyes.

“Is there something wrong?” He asked you.

“I just I fear that, one day we won’t be friends. We’ll separate and go our own ways. I have dreams when I sleep. Dreams that start off good, but end with the three of us not being friends.”

Dabin put his hand on your shoulder. “Don’t think like that. We’ll always be your friends, Y/N.”

“Can I ask you something?” You questioned.

“Of course, Anything.”

“There’s something up between you and Christian. You two aren’t acting like the old you. The two of you were the bestest of friends. But today something is up with you, the both of you. Tell me. What is wrong with the two of you? Is it me?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

You turned your head to see Christian looking at you and Dabin.

“What?”

“It is you. Dabin knows it’s you too! The reason we’ve been acting like we have is because both of us have feelings for you.”

Your eyes widened. “What?” You repeated clueless.

“I thought it was obvious. Especially the way Dabin showed his affection, he was the most obvious.” Christian added.

“I’m the reason behind it?”

“If I could have stopped myself I would have, but I couldn’t. I don’t wanna ruin our friendship, but I also don’t want to see you with anyone else. Not even Christian!”

Christian scoffed. “As if she’d want to be with someone who’s as much as a pushover as you, Dabin.”

“Shut it!”

“Enough you two! I love the both of you, as friends and brothers. Nothing more, nothing less. I just want all of us to be friends forever. I don’t want to choose between you. Remember the plan for my wedding we made when I was younger?”

“Yeah, I remember like it was yesterday. We agreed instead of bridesmaids, you’d get us in suits standing behind you as you got married.” Dabin said.

“Yes. That has been the plan since we were kids. I want the two of you behind me, not just one. What happens if I date one of you? The other will hate each other. I can’t fall for either one of you. You guys are the brothers I always wanted, please don’t do this to me.”

You were on the verge of tears. Dabin looked over to Christian and mouthed the words. “Look what you did!”

“ME?!” Christian mouthed back.

“Y/N, please don’t cry.”

You stayed silent.

Christian looked up the sky. “It must be around eight. The sun is setting. The sun set used to be our favorite thing to look at when we were kids. We’d lay in the grass. Y/N would always be in the middle. Hell, we didn’t even know what feelings were. Those were the good days. Those were the good times.”

“Could we do it again, for my sake?” You asked.

“Of course.”

The three of you stood up and went into an empty grassy plain. The three of you laid down in the grass. Christian on the right, you in the middle, and Dabin on the left. It was silent, but you enjoyed the silence.

You couldn’t hide the involuntary smile that appeared on your face. Christian turned to his side to see you smile.

“See I knew the sun set would make you smile. You okay now?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I won’t fall in love again for a while.” Dabin said aloud.

“Same here.” Christian admitted.

“I’m sure there are two lovely and beautiful women out there who would be dying to fall in love with you. But you guys won’t let them come in between us, right?”

“Never.” They both say at the same time.

[lia-nikiforov]

Weekly Anime Ra...mblings?

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, I decided to finally start using a Tumblr account I’d created ages ago just so tumblr would let me look at more Free gifs. And the reason I decided to give actual use to this long abandoned account was that I wanted a space to talk about and discuss and engage about the seasonal anime I’m watching, hence why I had this little feature very unoriginally called “Weekly Anime Ranking”, basically listing my favorite and least favorite episodes of the week.

After a few seasons I realized it wasn’t very feasible to write a little paragraph of all 14-20 shows I was watching on a weekly basis, not to mention that I felt I wasn’t really enjoying the episodes because I was constantly thinking of what I’d say in the review and trying to find a good screenshot to use etc etc. Besides, I wasn’t getting a lot of engagement/discussion out of them, ‘cept for that one time the typemoonies got mad at me for hating rape-enabler Archer :’D.

So recently I thought doing a lighter format with just randomly commenting on moments from this week’s episodes that stood out to me instead of forcing myself to find something to say about every single episode could be more fun and this week I had a lot of thoughts that I wanted to vent! So let’s get it started and see how this feels

The first thing I kinda want to talk about is Centaur no Nayami which is one of the most tonally bizarre shows I’ve watched in a while. It’s oddly political but in a noncommitant, fait accompli manner that I find quite strange because it’s not really clear what they’re trying to say at this point.

But what I want to talk about for this episode is this group lesbian vaginal examination because I am so confused.

For context, Hime is commenting on how one time a boy made fun of her asking her if her vagina looked like a cow’s udder, so her two friends agree to show her their vaginas and look at hers to appease her insecurities –due to her centaur anatomy, she has no way of looking herself- and hence this scene.

On the one hand the show’s been pretty upfront about its lesbian characters so far, but I’m so puzzled as to why we had to dedicate 10 minutes of the show to girls looking at each others’ vaginas. In concept it sounds grossly fetishistic, but in execution it’s weirdly non-sexual so I’m… not sure what to make of it??? Is it being critical of how society fabricates reasons to make girls feel self-conscious about their bodies? Is it just trying to be kinky? What is your deal, show?

I think we’ll never know so let’s move on to another strange thing:

So… why is anime getting it on with my lord and savior Quetzalcóatl?

For those who don’t know, Quetzalcóatl is a nahuan (not exclusively Aztec, the Aztecs –which are more properly called Mexica but I digress- were one of many Nahuan peoples) god also known as the Feathered Serpent and is one of –if not the most- important deities in the Nahuan pantheon. Prehispanic Mexican deities pretty much never get portrayed in anime beyond a swashbuckler mixture of sorta Aztec sorta Mayan imagery and “human sacrifices” anecdotes, but in the past half year I’ve seen two references to Quetzalcóatl –as a dragon in MaiDragon and now in Centaur both in mention and also appearing as a new character that shares his name. There’s been some hints at a mystery surrounding the Antartican snakes sprinkled over the show and I’m just like… what are they gonna do with this I’m so confused.

And continuing with the theme of weird Mexico representation, now I kind of wanna bring up the episode everyone’s talking about because it is such a glorious disaster I don’t even know what to say? I think this screencap says it all tbh

Vatican Miracle Examiner was one of my most anticipated shows of the season so it is a little disappointing that it’s becoming the meme of the season and that it deserves it to boot. What started as a potentially interesting -if unoriginal- mystery somehow became a clusterfuck of “exotic” catholicism/satanism that peaked with the revelation that the real life Gestapo official Heinrich Müller somehow smuggled Hitler’s cryogenized corpse into the Mexican jungle and used Hitler’s cryogenized sperm to inseminate two women in the hopes of bringing the second coming of the Fuhrer. There was also some satanic seances and drug-cult-child-sexual-abuse going on in the sidelines (probably the closest thing to actual Catholic church procedures all things considered) and it all culminates with our heroes defeating Hitler’s demonic son by burning him alive and setting him on fire through holy water...

Or was it?

This is so hilarious I can’t find the words. Am I supposed to interpret this as “catholic priests have so little faith in their own religion they carry sulfuric acid because they know holy water wouldn’t work for shit”?

By the way I’m very upset they didn’t do St. Catherine’s martyrdom right. I really wanted to see some dude shredded by a spiky wheel. The Saw franchise’s got nothing on them pre-millenial Catholics

On to less joyous things, Ballroom continues its merciless quest of not living up to its potential to the point I’m starting to believe Amazon’s exhaustive ad campaign and aggressive hype fabrication has actually hurt the show because people expected it to be so much more and it just... isn’t.

We also gotta talk about the animation... or lack thereof. Episode 4 ruined what was supposed to be an incredibly intense tango scene, not only by abusing still shots which is par for the course at this point, but also by committing the grievous sin of telling instead of showing. On my first watch I was so bothered by it that I timed it (loosely): out of a 4:13 minute long dancing scene, two minutes are spent on the actual dancing (and that’s counting the still frames, without them the actual animated dance is barely 50 seconds), whilst the remaining 2:13 minues (half of the scene!!!) are wasted on audience pans and commentary telling us how amazing Hyodo’s dance is. If it’s so amazing let me fucking see it

We also gotta talk about this fucking jerk:

Jerk guy that is actually not a jerk are a commonplace genre staple of shonen anime. THe problem here is that Sengoku has so far shown to be 100% a jerk with zero redeeming qualities and his jerkness crosses the line repeatedly. In particular the way he treats Shizuku is gross. He basically disrespects her in every possible way and never owns up to it and fucking calls her a skank for being reasonably upset and petty because no one talks to her and they treat her like decoration rather than the talented dancer she is and this fucker comes and slutshames her and it’s framed as a fucking joke. 

Actually all the men treat Shizuku like a trophy rather than a person and I hope they all die, none of them are worthy of her.

The last thing I want to talk about is Re:Creators because this week was yet another episode of Meteora talking for 25 minutes straight with some bonus “look at us, LN writers, we’re so great, we’re the bestest ever”. It’s kind of a less industry-insider Bakuman.  

Something I didn’t mention in my WonFes breakdown was that they showed photos of the Meteora Nendoroid as well as announced a scale which made me wonder because there is no indication any other character of the series is getting any figure treatment: is Meteora the Rem of this show? And most importantly: WHY. She’s literally the exposition mouthpiece and little more and if it were on me she would literally never talk again.

The only thing I got from Re:C this week was this:

English must be stopped 

Immediately.

[aliceellablog]

Utter Rantage

It’s Friday night… It’s Top of the Pops… It’s not…I’m not sure why that came into my head… I’ll start again.

It’s Friday night… and I am sat on the sofa alone eating a stupidly large Toblerone on the verge of tears.

I’ve been crying on and off all day and not really managed to shake it. Balls.

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why I feel like this and why Brian acts the way he does (for new readers, Brian is what I call my brain…yep…)

Why do I have days when I feel like I could conquer the world- or rather, make it as a singer, and then days where I question the whole thing and think I should just accept that I am unwell and live my life watching Jeremy Kyle, This Morning, and Catfish, living on microwave meals and Haribo.

I suppose I should start with the fact that I haven’t been sleeping, which has been a problem on and off since I got ill at 14. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour and when I get into bed I am EXHAUSTED. I feel like I am going to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. But instead Brian likes to go through every little thing that I have done, or not done, that day. He then likes to plan a minute by minute account of what I am going to do the next day and play out every possible scenario and outcome. Then he usually spends a bit of time obsessing over the fact that I am SO tired yet I haven’t fallen asleep yet. We then go over the fact that I have or haven’t taken a sleeping pill and when it might kick in.

We try slow breathing, thinking of ‘nothing’, sleep apps that play the sound of a rainforest (it also plays the sound of a hoover and a little ‘medieval’ tune with like a flute or something…. Oh and frogs… who wants to fall asleep to that?!) and we also try counting sheep. I have on numerous occasions closed my eyes, and genuinely pictured a field full of sheep and counted as each little fluffy bastard jumps over some random little fence. IT HAS NOT WORKED.

I’ve tried routine, having a bath before bed, no looking at my phone for an hour before bed… ok…. I struggled with that one… but Brian just doesn’t like to be left alone. Go away Brian!! Let me sleep!!

So yea… that probably isn’t helping with how I feel, but the weird thing is that I have been doing a lot better recently in general. I’ve been managing to do the odd song writing session and studio work- even though some have been a right old struggle to get through. I have also been really on top of all the admin and email / promotion side of things for the first time in forever.

I do actually feel like I have a sort of ‘plan’ and it’s slowly coming together with regards to meetings I’ve got coming up, the new single (24 Obsession) I am releasing and even planning the next release after that… the thing is… I can then go in to panic mode. Ah!

Like… I book all these great things, but then, what if I can’t make it?? Shall I just cancel them? Or cancel some of them so I have more rest time in-between? I already try to plan SO carefully and don’t book more than one thing on one day- how frustrating is that!!!! But I’m kinda used to that and if I can do one thing on a day that’s still one thing more then nothing eh!! (OMG I just said something positive! Yay me!!) But then I tend to have one good day and over book myself and get in a right old pickle!!

It really does get me down the amount of time it takes me to do things compared to a ‘healthy’ person. I know I should be grateful if I can do anything at all, and I am, but life isn’t like that and everything is relative. I kind of see it that a ‘normal’ person could do what I do in a week in two days. For example in 7 days if I was having a really good week, I reckon I could do a writing session, recording sesh, and maybe a meeting?? Thats like 2 days worth of stuff right? Sorry I really am just feeling sorry for myself now, but then take into account the fact that I’ve just had pretty much 2 years out, and keep having to have weeks / months off at a time and you might get the idea. Well.. I mean 14 years really... I just mean 2 years recently ya know....

Then I see people having social lives. People going to work and then going out after for ‘drinks’ or whatever. I know I’ve said it in another blog before but I am desperate to be able to go out with friends and have a drink and a dance. It kills me that I can’t. And pretty much every weekend I have to either watch as my (gorgeous amazing best friends) housemates do their thang and go out and have fun, (Luckily they also enjoy staying in with me and watching tele sometimes ;) but if it’s not them going out then its the whole of bloody Facebook and Instagram with their ‘one bottle or seven’ memes. Yes you are having a great time, but I am not, so go away.

Bitter?? Me?? Never ;) ;)

This then begs the question - should I quit social media?? We all have this problem- everyone’s lives looks better than your own- I mean to be honest if I were to scroll through my Instagram feed I think it looks like I am a healthy girl, having fun, following my music career dreams without a care in the world- but then of course we only really put pictures up of the good bits, and if we decide to share the bad times they are usually few and far between and there’s always that risk that it can come across as a cry for attention. I hate attention I do… HAHAHA oh I make myself laugh- is this me trying to get attention though? Nah… what with my like… 6 Tumblr followers I definitely see this as more like therapy. And I do it in the hope other people will read this, relate to it, and then not feel quite so alone. Anyway, god I am on a right rantage now aren’t I!?!?!

Where was I… Ok so I could leave social media and get rid of all the jealousy I feel when I see people who appear to have perfect lives, or at least seem to live a life that I want. But…. #FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) What if I miss an important post? (I have actually got a lot of music related jobs etc through Facebook and it is one of the key self promotion tools when it comes to releasing your own music!) How will I know what my friends and people I know are up to… OK that one felt weird to type- I heard it- if they are your real friends then message them or talk on the phone!! But realistically there are tons of things I know my friends, family and acquaintances have done or are doing purely because of Facebook and the like.

I don’t know. But I know I look through it all way too often.

So I usually do a bit of a recap of the last two weeks in these blogs… as I have the worst memory of anyone I think I’ve ever met (can’t remember) I shall get the diary out…

Ok so I’ll start with the fact that I had my old band round for dinner which was LOVELY!! I was having a bit of a bad day and didn’t think I would be up to it but once they got here and Chinese food had been ordered I was a much happier bunny :) The last gig I did with them was around two years ago for the launch of my first single ‘Summer Sun’ - at one point in the evening we were reminiscing about it all and I broke down into tears infront of them all - a bunch of lads- which was highly embarrassing but maybe that just showed them how much I care, and how much I miss it. Anyway we had a lovely catch up and fingers toes and flaps crossed we will be gigging together in the not tooooo distant future!! :)

I spent the next five days at home going between resting and working on a new youTube video- It’s a cover of ‘Stay’ by Zedd ft. Alessia Cara and it is my entry for this month’s MTV Cover of the Month Competition- here’s the link to the comp if you fancy voting for me - you can ‘clap’ as many times as you like ;) ;) THANK YOU!!!!!!

http://www.mtvcoverofthemonth.com/v/253144

And here’s the link to the video on the YouTubes, I really hope you enjoy watching it :) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpVtfAuZ97s

On the Sunday we filmed that video at an amazing studio just down the road from where I live (massive yay!) and it was so great to work with Matt Allen :) He’s an amazing videographer and editor and was super fun and easy to work with.

On the day I actually felt quite up for it, but about an hour into the three hour shoot and I was having major internal panic about how tired and basically awful I felt. Anyway, got through it and got it done YAAAAASSS :D

A few days after that and I was back down to Biggin Hill (the other end of the Earth) to record some vocals with Warren. We were recording the final vocals for the next single release (after 24 Obsession) and I am honestly SO freaking happy that we managed to finish them!! Next will be some production changes and then getting the remixes done and the video etc etc etc, but the reason why I am already working on the next single is so that once I release this one there won’t be another long ass wait until the next one :)  Although to be fair to myself the main reason for this two year gap has been the elf!

Oh and I also beat Warren 19-4 when we were watching catchphrase!! LOOOOL!! - I am so obsessed with this gameshow- I even applied to be on it and got to the auditions stages- then I was told that I had made it to being a reserve for the show….so close!!! I will definitely be applying again next series though!! It is my calling!!

Then it was back home for a bit more resting and coco-pop action :) This felt ok though as I had done the video and the studio sesh, it actually felt like it was deserved rest.

The next eve I went to see one of my favourite people play his own sell out gig in Camden- Okiem- check him aaaaat!! He is a pianist who has played for all kinds of acts including Tinie Tempah, Delilah, Duke Dumont etc etc and is now writing and performing his own classical / cinematic music which I can assure you is bloody beautiful!!!

I went with one of my bestests who I live with - Grace- who is genuinely one of the funniest girls I think I have ever met! Oh the stories I could tell you about her :) But not only is she hilarious she is also caring, kind, and she gives a shit- to be fair she’d had a few drinks, but during the concert she turned round to me and just said how if I ever wanted to talk to her or have a rant about anything she is always there and wants to listen and be there for me. I think she knows that I try not to talk about my health stuff too much as I feel like it must get so boring and ‘woe is me’ for all my housemates, but I could tell that she was being genuine and I almost burst into tears there and then… I just about managed not to….. but it meant so much.

The gig was amazing and I was SO proud of Oak!! He is one of the cowriters and producers of that next single that I was recording the vocals to you see! Ah I am a lucky gal!

The next day I travelled down to Sussex to be with Mumma bear :) She has just had a little operation so I wanted to come and spend some time with her and look after her. MY goodness… she is the most inspiring person I have ever met… I mean after all.. she did have me ;) ;) no but seriously, I think she’s had like twenty something operations in her life. I won’t list them but they include tumours of the spine and all sorts. She has had a constant battle with her health throughout her whole life too so I think that’s probably why we understand each other so much.

So having said that I really wanted to come home and look after her, but while I was there I had a really bad few days and spent most of the time on the sofa with Ollie (my cat). Rubbish. But we did have some good quality time together and I managed to cook her a few meals at least :)

I felt like I had been doing really well up until that point and can’t really see a ‘reason’ why I felt so bad.

That’s the thing, I am always searching for reasons, like having over done it, or that I ate the wrong things or didn’t do this or that, but sometimes there just is no reason that I can see, and that pisses me right off. Like what am I supposed to do?? Push through it even if I feel like I am going to collapse? Rest even though then my stamina levels will go back down and everything will be that much harder the next day and days after that? Ugh.

I have been talking lots about the LP (Lightning Process) in my last few blogs as it is something I am really trying to do….. I truly believe that it has been really helpful but then I just sometimes get days like this when it’s like nothing can shake how shit I feel.

I’ve been so tearful too and just feel like giving up- which is the exact time that I should be doing the LP!! It is so confusing and hard to do!! You basically have to do it all the time especially when you are at your worst….which is by far when it is the hardest. I have been doing it the last few days but I know I haven’t been doing it enough. But why? Is it my brain? Surely I am in control of it? I don’t know. Maybe Brian is back in control. 

Anyway I have been typing for a long time now and I’m gonna get into bed... well... some sofa cushions on the floor - (staying at any brothers place tonight, which has been lovely as him and his gf Holly just got engaged!!!! How exciting!!!!) and try and sleep it off and wake up tomorrow with a fresh head.

I HAVE to work out a way to control Brian. Why does he want me to fail to bad? I can’t let him win. I won’t let him win. Silly Brian. ;) x 

[sierra-grace1227]

Boy X Boy- Part 1

*Ring Ring Ring* I heard as I got up from my first period seat, god how I love school. Did that even sound remotely believable? Probably not, but I mean who enjoys school anyways. Today is the 2nd day in April, meaning there was only this month and the next till summer. I am a senior so this is my last year. I was at the entrance to the classroom door when I heard Mrs. Green yell "Caleb, come here for one moment please!" I turned to the short woman, she was tiny but fierce if you piss her off enough. Basically she told me that my grades are the top of the class again, like always. I hate school but I have to have good grades or else my parents will kill me and I will not be able to graduate.  When she is finished talking I leave and as I walk to my 2nd period, I bump into some kid who is a head shorter than me, chocolate brown eyes that are just so innocent and hypnotic, and soft pink, plump lips that I could just kis... wait am I staring to hard? Shit, he probably thinks I'm creepy now. Anyways, my name is Caleb and I am 17 years old; I am also gay and still have not told my parents who just think I am just really shy to the point where I do not talk to girls besides my twin best friends Andria and Audrey Cooper, plus my bestest friend Naveah Redstone. I'll explain later, back to present time. I held out my hand for him to take and he graciously accepted. "Thanks, my name is Adrian but you probably already knew that since i'm in your 3rd period. I'm the football team's quarterback." "I'm Caleb, I don't do sports but I do photography and chorus. I know it's not impressive but, I really don't mind since it's my last year anyways. I am just glad to get out of here. Also, yes I know. Wait, not in a creepy way but like cause they call role call and I hear your name and I always pay attention... I should just stop talking now. Sorry." "It's okay, I know what you mean and same. School is basically hell in disguise." he laughed out. God his laugh is perfect and husky. His smile is blindingly white. How can one human being be so flawless? "Hello?" I was snapped out of my daze when he spoke so suddenly. "Huh? I'm uh... I'm... I'm fine. Sorry, I need to get to 2nd period the second bell is probably about to ring." He just said a quiet okay and went his own way too. Skipping over second period and 10 minutes of third, I felt a paper ball hit the back of my head. Are you serious, who is that childish to throw paper. That is like elementary or middle school, not senior year. I turn around to find the guilty party, only to see a smiling Adrian. He mouthed 'read the note' so I did "Hey, you seem chill so I was wondering if you wanted to sit with my friends and I at lunch. We sit at the elevated area of tables right by the lunch line exit.-Adrian" I turned around and mouthed yes before turning back and staring at the clock for the next 10 minutes. Right at the end of the 1st part of the lesson before lunch, the teacher turned explaining the last section of the lesson for the first half to everyone before yelling "Caleb, are you paying attention?!" "Yes ma'am I'm listening." "What did I just say then?" "Martin Luther King Jr. was a civil rights activist who wanted peace and equality for all which he made known with his I have a Dream speech on August 28, 1963 on the steps of Lincoln Memorial. He died fighting for his beliefs but his efforts continued through others who were inspired by his work and wanted to commemorate to his death by continuing his work to break down the walls of racial controversy that still remained in that period of time. Dr. King is the reason and inspiration for the world we have today, because of his determination everyone despite color may join together as he said " at the table of brotherhood" He was one of the many activists who made a change in the world such as Gandhi and Nelson Mandela." It was all silent when I finished while the teacher just looked in shock but quickly regained her composure and stated "I never said some of those facts" "No you didn't, however your job as a teacher is to thoroughly explain in detail of the topic that is being taught and I am just simply going over what you failed to due to your lack of knowledge or just plainly cause you do not care. Whichever way I do not care either. Now if you will excuse me I shall be leaving to lunch in 3...2....1...*Riiiiiiinnnnnngggg*  "Teachers, at this time please release all 12th grade students to the lunch room at this time. I repeat, Teachers release all of your 12th grade students at this time." "Goodbye." I walked out of that classroom while I heard many screaming about how I told her and many other ignorant terms were thrown but I do not care for them. I allowed Adrian to catch up and I sat with him and his group at lunch. We sat there talking but his friends teased him asking if I was his new boy toy, which I was confused about. "Uhm, yeah. I'm gay so they always mess with me if I bring another guy with me. Sorry, if that's too weird for you." "No no no! It's fine, i'm actually gay too and I also didn't want to tell you for the same reason; for fear of being looked down upon or thought of differently." He just smiled and told me that he thinks we will get along quite well then.   *Time skip to three months later* Adrian and I have gotten much closer now, we keep flirting with each other but neither of us makes the move to ask the other one out. I'm not sure if he wants to date or he is just very playful and flirty but it doesn't mean anything. We are currently at my house when I hear "Caleb!" "Yeah?!" All of the sudden, Aiden just jumps on top of me and tackles me into the couch. He straddles me while looking me into the face and says "Question, imma be straight forward with you. Do you like me... like more than a friend? Cause my friends keep telling me that but I wanted to ask you directly. If you do it's fine." I started blushing and I knew it cause my face felt hotter. I probably look like a tomato right now. I muttered a quiet "yes" and kept looking anywhere but him. I felt him grab the sides of my face, the next thing I knew was his lips were on mine. They were so soft and plump, and moved perfectly against mine. God it felt like heaven, but if this is a dream then don't wake me up please. We continued to kiss passionately till we both ran out of breath, despite my hard breathing I loved every second his lips were on mine- molding together and moving in perfect harmony. When he regained his breath he said " Will you be my boyfriend?" I grasped the back of his neck and pushed my lips against his once more, he responded almost immediately. "God, I can never get enough of you Caleb. Your like a drug, and you have me under your hypnotic and addictive spell that I can't forget. You have no idea how many times at lunch whenever we talked, I just stared at your lips. Just wanting to taste them, bite them, kiss them, claim them with my own. Now I finally have and you don't even realize how happy I am right now." "I'm glad I make you happy Adrian." I continued to cuddle with him on the couch till we both fell asleep. *Another time skip to 7 months later* Once again I came in late, way to much homework, I am a college freshman now and started 3 months ago. This school year has actually been good, I am still dating Adrian and we are doing steadily good. He is very loving and caring and I try my best to act the same way also. As I get lost in my thoughts, they are interrupted when Aiden taps my shoulder when i'm daydreaming. "I got accepted to Princeton! Aren't you proud of me?!" I'm happy he got accepted except he will be 2 hours and 26 min away since we live in Baltimore Maryland now since I got accepted to St. Hopkins University. Yes I did my research when he told me he applied, I was worried. "I'm happy for you and I'm proud." "I swear I won't let distance affect us, okay?" "Okay." That was 3 months ago that he promised me that and Yet two months after that he called me and wanted to break it off because he disliked the distance and he found other guys who are better and closer to him. Really? He was two hours away and couldn't make the effort to drive here at least one weekend every month. I tried to go down to him because I wanted it to work, but everytime he said he had to much work to do when in reality he had to many guys to screw behind my back while I was being faithful to him because I really loved him. To top that off my mom died from cancer a few days before he broke up with me and my dad died last week from depression and overdosing. Did I forget to mention that I have no siblings and all my friends went to different locations that are way to far from me. The Cooper twins are in France because of guys and shopping and Naveah is in Cali trying to make a name for herself since she always wanted to be a singer. My depression has also came back, which it's reappearance can be blamed on everything. Aiden helped me without even knowing it but now that's all over and I've resorted back to cutting away my sorrows. Ever since my mom's death and the breakup then my grades dropped, which got even worse when my dad died. I know cutting is a terrible way and I've tried getting help but nothing works. It's like my addiction that I know I need to stop but I just can't because it's the only thing that keeps me going day by day without actually killing myself. But now, I'm just thinking to hell with it all. I don't fucking care anymore, if no one else cares then I won't either. I go up to my bathroom and grab a blade out of the drawer under the sink and fill the bathtub with cold water before sitting myself in it, clothes and all. I began cutting with every thought I had, I am nothing, I'm pathetic, I'm worthless, I am a waste of space and air, I am disgusting, I am the worst son and boyfriend ever, I am a mistake, I wasn't meant to be in this world besides for torture, I deserve the pain, I'm all alone now, I have no one, No boyfriend or parents, no siblings or friends, no one And I deserve it. I am an outcast, a freak, a depressed soul who just couldn't escape their demons inside, no one to help conquer them, no one to put the broken pieces of me back together. Even I can't. "I'm sorry for being born." I whispered as I sliced my throat open, submerging my head under water. I could feel my lungs burning for oxygen but I ignored it as my world went dark, my body went numb, and my hearing faded out.

[aurimeanswind]

Birthday Wishes—Sunday Chats (4-2-17)

Here we are in a post-24 year old Alex world and I am all old now!

Nah I’m just kidding, but I do want to take a moment and thank everyone for all the wonderful well-wishes and birthday joys sent to me. All of you are the sweetest and bestest that I guy could ask for, and thank you for that.

Now... ONTO THE GOOD STUFF

Looking Ahead

I wrote a 23-going-on-24 post about what the future may hold for me, and I talked about maybe looking into ways to monetize my work. Things I could do if I had a Patreon or some other form of subscription/funding to what I am doing. I’d love to work on new projects, to start new podcasts, but the truth of it is I can’t justify taking specific days of the week off work to just devote myself to these projects. And I don’t know if I’d have the drive to pull it off.

But maybe we shall see. I definitely got some rousing support from some folks who would love to see me do it, so I thought it worth mentioning here in my weekly wrap up. Here are some things I would want to start:

A monthly interview show where I sit down with someone I find interesting and have an hour long conversation with them.

A monthly show I’m tentatively calling “The Video Games Show” where I assemble a panel of Jr. Video Games Personalities to discuss a topic relevant to that month.

A more committed schedule to Alex Talks, allowing me more time to focus on editing scripts, refining them, and maybe actually getting decent at video editing.

Actually freelance editing work, where I can work with writers to help them hone and refine their pieces, and help me grow as both a writer and editor myself.

These are just a few ideas I had, and I think they may be worthwhile in exploring. This is me putting the feelers out on what some of my Patreon-esque goals would be and what kind of stuff I’d be looking to make.

Persona 5

Okay let’s get to the meat of it. Much like with Zelda I am only really playing one game at the moment so I am forgoing the “What’s on Tap” segment here to just talk about this one damn thing that I have been waiting for since I was in high school back in 2009.

I want to keep it light, but I have managed to power through 20 hours of the game. I’ll be talking about some general things in the game. Hey: if you don’t want to know about names, mechanics, places, and ideas approached in the game, maybe don’t read this. If you too are playing the game or just don’t care, here are some of my thoughts.

Immediately it was weird to be playing a Persona game for the first time... again. Like, it really took me back. All the way back to how slow paced Persona games are out of the gate. It takes about six-ish hours before Persona 5 really takes the reigns off, and when it does it really started to click. I think coming off of Zelda my mind just wasn’t prepared or in the mood for a game like this, but the sheer quality and amazing presentation of Persona 5 had me powering through, and I am so fully in I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s got its hooks in me and it’s already just so much of what I wanted and more I am humbled and blown away.

I had total faith in the developers to do what they did with Persona 4 from Persona 3, but to see it really in front of my eyes after all this time is something in its own right. The way skills unlock as you grow closer to “Confidants” which is the renamed Social Link companions, the way those skills link into the other systems, it’s all brilliant. All of the other Shin Megami Tensei aspects that have crept their way into Persona now, namely the negotiating with shadows to turn them into ally personas, is so, sooo good. I love it.

There is so much overwhelming wonderment going on in my head anytime I am in that world of Persona 5. That same fear of not doing the right thing on each day, or not having high enough stats to start this social link at this time, but the game gives you so many goddamn choices of fun and interesting things to do that none of it matters.

I could go on and on about all the incredible and small adjustments to gameplay that have been made here, namely how much faster everything is, while also introducing that crazy amount of flourish and style to combat and movement, but I’d rather just take a moment and say:

the. fucking. music. in. this. game.

It didn't really click with my at first, and thinking back, neither did the Persona 4 soundtrack. The Persona 3 soundtrack had the hip hop vibes that hit with me instantly, but the Jazz here in Persona 5 is very different, just like everything else in this game. But as the game goes on, they slowly layer on more and more parts of the music, eventually adding in the vocals to the instrumental tracks you had been hearing for the longest time, and it’s brilliant because when this happened it was essentially around the same time that the grind and rhythm of the game clicked with me, and everything just beautifully fell into place.

Again, I could go on and on, but I’ll say this. It’s very different. I imagine it may even be off putting to folks who loved Persona 4. But this is truly, truly something special here. You should play this game. You should really, really do it.

Questions:

It may seem preemptive, but it’s probably my favorite Zelda game. Full stop. I need time to mull it over and think about it, but the 100+ hours I put into this legitimately blows A Link to the Past away, and that is something I never thought I’d say, ever. Breath of the Wild has the benefit of not being like any other video game I have ever played though, and maybe as time goes on that will change, but right now, in my heart, that’s where it’s at.

Prey!

I’ve been looking forward to it ever since it’s re-announcement, and seeing it as essentially Dishonored in space, I am more than I could ever possibly be on board.

But like, after Persona I... I may need a break. I just don’t know how anything can top this. In fact, I almost know it can't.

So damn much. <3

Yo... Who cares?

But no really, I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for wrestling. Less than nothing, honestly. It’s beyond my scope.

People are saying Roman Reigns? I think? That guy.

Sure.

Haha, missing some punctuation here, but you have my phone number. And my DMs. And we talked for a while this past week. If you missed it, you should check it out:

https://www.breakinreality.com/podcast-and-shows/2017/3/28/interview-with-alex-oneill-the-history-of-irrational-passions

So there was a lot of tweets and comments in response to this, and they’re worth looking at. I held off from responding so I could say something more substantial here.

Here is what I believe: I think if you go into this with everything hinging on people liking and engaging with what you’re making, maybe you’re going at it with the wrong expectation. Just because you put a thing out there, to be perfectly blunt, doesn’t mean anyone ever has to give a shit about it. That’s been a real challenge for me. And yeah, none of my stuff gets massive attention. I have a pretty small reach, and a few folks who really seek out the stuff I’m doing. Some folks even think it’s good, but what keeps me going is trying to refine and improve that stuff into something that is worth giving a shit about.

But at the heart of everything, I make and produce all kinds of content with zero expectation of response. Some things, that take far more time, like Alex Talks, I hope to see some comments on, and I eventually do get to see them, but I also force-feed that stuff folks to get their feedback. And I ask for feedback, not necessarily just “engagement”, so I can then take that feedback and refine, improve, and be a better me. I’ve said some incentive, sexist, and uncouth things in the past. I’ve taken that to heart and tried to be a more open and welcoming personality because of it.

But also, it’s different for me. When I started IP, it was with friends, and my “extra work” as it was at the time was to just act as my living portfolio to get into the video games industry. AND IT STILL IS. Like, that goal hasn’t changed. I still make this content for me, for the fun of it, and to see how far I’ve come since I started. 

I’d like to think I’ve gotten a lot better.

But Harold, it’s different for everyone. And it sucks sometimes. And if no one is engaging with what you’re making that can really suck. What’s more, if you’re not enjoying making things, putting those things out to the internet, then maybe they’re not worth making?

I say you shouldn’t waste time producing and creating something that makes you miserable. There isn’t some twist or turn in your brain that after so many hours of making a thing you don’t like where it’ll shift into something you do like. I just don’t think that happens.

But I’m rambling now. Was that an answer? I don’t know.

I kept the full thread in for context.

First: this is a PERSONA as Persona game. Which is GREAT.

But my birthday was amazing. So many specific and hand-made well-wishes, especially from Roger Pokorny and Cameron Abbott, who both recorded videos of themselves saying just the sweetest fucking things and sent them to me. I was overwhelmed. Plus actually finding a copy of Persona 5? A legit birthday miracle. So cool.

It was super fantastic, something my birthday hasn’t been in a couple of years. Very grateful to my amazing friends for that. <3

Man... In a post Persona world I just don’t even know. I guess Destiny 2? And that’s such a weird thing to say. But with Zelda, Persona 5, and Tales of Berseria behind me so far this year, it is a TOUGH THREE TO BEAT, I’ll say that.

Destiny really got its hooks in me, and if Bungie took the time to totally reshape the game from the ground up, Destiny 2 could be absolutely amazing. I can’t wait to just see what that game looks like.

It is VERY intimidating, but having played some now, I think you’d really love the vibe Persona 5 is giving off Logan. Since I don’t think you’re as worried about spoilers, I’ll set it up by giving you a general idea of what to expect. You’re transferred to a new school after being expelled because you get charged with assault for helping someone. Essentially, because of this, the world around you all judge you and assume you’re a delinquent, and everyone is a total asshole to you. Enter supernatural powers and some fun anime-ness, you get heavy concepts mixed with a world out to get you. It’s super gritty in a way that Persona 4 never was. 

Like I said above, it takes about 6-ish hours before it takes the handholds off, and then what I’m sure will be 100+ hours after that, but if that sounds cool to you, I really think you’d dig it. I don’t think you’d love it as much as, say, me, but you could get quite a lot out of it.

YES.

I’m very tired.

Listen. I don’t give a shit about the Power Rangers.

I’m sorry Joey, but that  Green Ranger flute shit looks goddamn stupid. It looks like he is trying to play recorder on a goddamn sword hilt.

Uh.... UHHHH

I DON’T KNOW. I’m so bad with this stuff. I really have no strong opinion. Government is hard, and Democracy is hard. I think genuinely, the idea of a republic is cool to me, where we elect officials who them vote and elect/veto laws and ideas. Clearly that’s really fucked us right now, so that sucks.

Maybe like move to a small town where its just an oligarchy with everyone in the town? I guess that’s technically a democracy? I don’t know man.

Government sucks.

Shoutouts

Shoutout to all the amazing lovelies who gave me birthday love on Friday. I fucking love and adore all of you. You’re all goddamn rockstars in my heart.

I’ve been awake for about 31 hours right now, so I am going to go curl up in a ball and be asleep forever for a bit. 

Then I am just gonna wake up and play more Persona 5, so that’s real exciting.

[scriptych]

50 Questions Tag

I was tagged by my fav wtfparkjimin  to do a 50 questions tag . Sorry I’m doing this all the way in April ~~

What’s your favorite candle scent? I really like lemon grass apparently and ocean breeze.

Which female celebrity do you wish was your sister? I think Eunji would be a cool sister; she takes care of her little bro really went and she’d be really easy-going and really chill in general.

Which male celebrity do you wish was your brother? There’s so many but if I had to narrow it down it would probably be Zayn, who seems to be a really sweet and caring bro, or Jackson, who’d be a really fun, dumb one that would make me laugh constantly (I could see him as being the protective type, too).

How old do you think you’ll be when you get married? Late 20’s to mid-30’s if I really think about it. I’m not really the relationship type.

Do you know a hoarder? Yes my dad -.- he likes to keep the most unnecessary items claiming he’ll use then “later”

Can you do a split? Lol no, but I can’t say I haven’t attempted and failed miserably.

How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike? Probably 9 or 10 and it was one of the most accomplished moments in my life since I taught myself tbrh

How many oceans have you swam in? I think 2? Pacific and Indian.

How many countries have you been to? Two, not counting all the stops I’ve made in between, but I hope to travel the world one day so my goal is 50 before I die.

Is anyone in your family in the army? No, not currently.

What would you name your daughter if you had one? If I had to pick a     vietnamese name it would probably be Mai and as for American, Jada or     Cecilia or Mona maybe. I also really like boyish names for girls, too.     Lol, I haven’t put much thought into names.

What would you name your son if you had one? Again, no clue but I like Parker for some reason.

What’s the worst grade you got on a test? I’ve gotten a 66% this year and I can’t remember anything else.

What was your favorite tv show when you were a child? What did you dress up as on halloween when you were eight?  My favorite tv shows as a kid were either Pokemon or Sailor Moon because I was a geeky Asian child. I think I was a ninja lol.

What did you dress up as on halloween when you were eight? A blue ninja and it was cute af. Or maybe a witch I think I’ve only ever bought like 3 costumes lol.

Have you read any of the harry potter, hunger games or twilight series? I’ve read and seen Harry Potter more times than I can count; it’s my favorite series without a doubt. Fair warning, I’ll try to group everyone in a house if I could so you’ll see a lot of Harry Potter au fanart or fics reblog (maybe written). I’ve read the Hunger Game series a few times too, but I’ve never even opened a Twilight book.

Would you rather have an american accent or a british accent? As cool as British accents may sound to me, I think I’ll stick to the American accent.

Did your mother go to college? No? I don’t think so

Are your grandparents still married? Yes, amazingly although they tend to argue every time I see them.

Have you ever taken karate lessons? No, my parents didn’t sign me up for extracurricular as     a child sadly.

Do you know who kermit the frog is? To quote Zahraa: “*sips tea* yeah, but thats none of your business”.

What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to? Six Flags

What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in? I’ve been learning French for 2 years now and I’m aiming to be fluent by the time I graduate. I’d also like to be fluent in Vietnamese; I guess I am fluent but I’d like to know more words so i’m not struggling with I move away for simple topics. Japanese, Korean, and Spanish would be really cool too. Honestly, just give me all the languages.

Do you spell the color as grey or gray? Grey. I read on some tumblr post that that’s the “English way” because grE(ngland)y and I’m calling bs right now.

Is your father bald? Nope,  still has a full head of hair.

Do you know any triplets? No, but I love the Song Triplets.

Do you prefer titanic or the notebook? I haven’t seen The Notebook and I’ve seen maybe 40% of the Titanic, so it wins by default.

Ever had indian food? I’ve had curry but that’s as far as it goes. I’d like to widen my palate ,so I’m opening to any suggestions.

What’s the name of your favorite restaurant? I really like this little sushi restaurant called Cafe Mochi, but I prefer buffets to most restaurants.

Have you ever been to olive garden? Nope.

Do you belong to any warehouse stores (costco, bj’s, etc)? Nah, my parents would never pay for membership lol.

What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender? Hmm, never asked them that.

If you have a nickname, what is it? I don’t have a nickname since my name is already pretty short; however, Zahraa likes to call me ‘Annie’ sometimes.

Who’s your favorite person in the world? The person I’ve mentioned multiple times in this post already as well as the co-owner of this blog, my bestest friend in the world, Zahraa. We’ve been friends for so long that we know each other like the back of our hands and plus she’s amazing for putting up with me for this long. Other than her, it’s probably our other best friend, Lizzy, or my mom tbh.

Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs? I’d rather live in the city, but if I had to pick the suburbs. I would run out of things to do in the rural area and end up sleeping 18 hours a day.

Can you whistle? No, I’ve never understood it and I feel like I’ve missed the appropriate age to ask someone to teach me.

Do you sleep with a nightlight? No, although I did sleep with a nightlight a lot later than everyone else I feel like.

Do you eat breakfast every morning? Yes, if I have school that day. On weekends, I sleep in way past breakfast.

Do you take any pills or medication daily? No.

What medical conditions do you have? None that I’m aware of.

How many times have you been to the hospital? For an illness: 2. In     general: more than 7?

Have you ever seen finding nemo? Yes, ofc. I’m alive aren’t I?

Where do you buy your jeans? Lol Marshall’s. They have quality jeans for less.

What’s the last compliment you got? My eyebrows look good (the only compliment I’ll ever need).

Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning? Yes, but they’re really weird and random.

What types of tea do you enjoy? I’d drink any tea (tea > coffee any day) but I like green tea and if I’m at Starbucks I’d order green tea lemonade with a pump of raspberry

How many pairs of shoes do you currently own? 6 maybe more.

What religion will you raise your children to practice? I’m not really religious (maybe Atheist, maybe Buddhist), so I’d let my children decide their own religion if they choose to have one.

How old were you when you found out that santa wasn’t real? My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so I’ve never believed in Santa. Yes, I’m one of those people (it actually says a lot about me). Even when we talked about it in school, it never added up to me. A fat guy in a white suit breaking into houses to deliver presents with flying reindeers as his prefered mode of transportation? I don’t think so.

Why do you have tumblr? I’ve had my other tumblr account since 2011 I’ve seen hell and back on this site, so I don’t really remember. I don’t even know how I even discovered what a Tumblr is.