#i’ve been wondering this forever
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and I love you so much, I’m going to let you kill me
~
A little edit in honour of me destroying the relationship between these two in my fic
#like i’ve said before on this blog i don’t ship rapple#but their weird toxic codependent friendship has enraptured me from the get go#they never match each others freak but that’s the point and it’s wonderful#ever after high#eah#rapple#< tagging cause this technically is a rapple edit and i love their shippers regardless of my personal beliefs#raven queen#apple white#eah edit#idk something about relationships so fundamental to the narrative that the story would fall apart without them#something something these two never once agreeing and that being their downfall but also what ties them together#and you have to wonder if their mothers felt something similar when they were young#if raven could have ended like her mother if she had gone through with signing the book the first time and the story would play out#in a loop forever#but she broke the cycle and might have actually saved her friendship w apple by doing so#idk i think abt it a lot#writing these two has been… an experience
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more funny bunny family:o) lalala
#sooooooooo special to me forever#i’ve been taking the time to indulge in my familial ships and oh my goodness has it done wonders for the brain#🐰💛#ticky doodles#familial f/o#please don’t tag as romantic#self ship#self shipping#self ship art#self ship community
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free day / the museum
#chreonweek2k23#chreon#chris redfield#leon kennedy#resident evil#starishsky draws#I didn’t explain this well on Twitter but I can throw up in the tags here#so this is like when you go to a museum and see a pretty painting and you have to sit with it for a while bc it stirs something in you#like so much care in the piece. the expression. the technique. you wonder abt what the artist was thinking abt#and uhhhh. it just kinda sticks with you forever.#I wish I could say that a piece like that comes to mind right now for me but I can’t think of one tbh#however I have been really into the artwork of yuming li recently#the way they use blue and this bright orange really fucking gets me. I love it#anyway. Leon museum. all of the other paintings are previous Leons I’ve made#one of them from this yesterday actually
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vaughan (he/him)
#my art#oc tag#original character#vaughan#i’ve been wanting to draw him in low rise jeans forever. i will do it again#he would not have a navel piercing in canon (and he would’ve lost it anyways) but it was necessary for the outfit#i’m trying to let my art be messier and it’s so wonderful. i recommend everyone let your art be a little messier
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When I got my first job at 16, I was suffering with severe depression and suicidal ideation of all kinds. I was a shell of a person that hated and dreaded every waking moment of my life. Every breath felt like a waste of time
During my days of training, I was blessed with incredible coworkers that brought me out of socially anxious shell and really showed me the fun of working in the industry. One of these people is a family member of mine, though not related by blood
I didn’t know him then. We probably said “hi” to each other once or twice at a family gathering and maybe had one awkward side hug since he joined the family. That was the extent of it
But through work, I attached myself to him. He became my comfort. Who and what I looked forward to every shift. I was a stupid, depressed teen who swore like a sailor, and yet he, in his abounding grace and love, showed me those qualities every shift. There was equal amounts of teaching as there was snark, playful insults, and remarks. He made me laugh enough in one shift that set me for the week
It’s been quite a few years since I was that age, of that mentality, and since we’ve worked together as coworkers. Tonight, he sat beside me at a Christmas Eve party as a tease, and we laughed a lot. We threw toys at each other, shared half a brain cell, and laughed so, so hard at each others antics
He has no idea the extent that 16 y/o me loved and treasured him. He probably still doesn’t, and I don’t know if I’ll ever tell him. But boy is it sweet to hear his laugh and to eat Christmas ham beside him and know that his presence is something that I owe a little bit of my life to
#the last 3 or 4 days have been exceedingly long and busy#so forgive me. but he is someone I’ll talk about for forever#I really really love him#i came home from every shift and texted my best friend every little thing that happened between he and I#he was who and what I found joy in#and while I only see him on occasion anymore#I love him so so dearly. one of the best guys I know#and not just for how I’ve experienced him. but for who he is. he’s wonderful#absolutely wonderful#nobody’s listening L
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moriarty and sherlock are criminal x investigator written by straight people and hannibal and will are criminal x investigator written by gay people hope that helps
#never thought I’d be sherlock posting here hello#I’ve been watching it with my mum and y’all were right about the queerbaiting my god it’s as bad as supernatural#even my MOTHER pointed it out 😭😭#moriarty is kicking his feet and calling sherlock sexy and giving him his number only to show up like did you like it when I acted GAY#IT WAS BUT A DISGUISE like steven moffat what are you silly?#could’ve done anything with that dynamic idk there’s a whole triple foil thing going on with watson#also the trope where character a freaks out when character b is in danger (pool scene you know the one)#and moffat makes it so AWKWARD with the gay jokes like what is he doing#meanwhile hannibal is telling will that if he saw him everyday forever he’d remember this time#and that he let him know him and see him and will wonders if they could survive separation 😩#moffat ruined my life and I don’t even GO here#anyway sherlock fandom I’m so sorry for what they did to you 💔#sherlock#sherlock holmes#jim moriarty#sheriarty#nbc hannibal#hannibal#will graham#hannigram#ghost speaks
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I’m afraid she’s busting out the straightener again
#It’s summer aka curly hair szn so I’ll mostly go curly but I just miss pin straight hair idk#And maybe a blowout sometime too#I think I rly wanna do a blowout#I just wanna switch it up I’ve been curly for so long#But im DRENCHING my hair in heat protectant its fine#<- girl who took years to nurse her curls back to health due to heat overuse and is terrified#I can’t avoid it forever..#Side note but I ALWAYS go straight hair on flights bc I think it’s so much more manageable than curly hair#I wonder if every curly haired girl does that too or if im just extra
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Do we like know who this dude is. Or not
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🌱🌼 Cecilia 🌼🌱
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#first thing i’ve drawn in Forever 😭 been on an AWL binge recently so had to draw one of my girlies 🥰#ended up marrying Molly (MUFFY) this playthru but gonna go back to an older save file to marry Celia…CEcilia* (not adjusted to name changes#story of seasons#harvest moon#story of seasons a wonderful life#harvest moon a wonderful life#sos awl#hm awl#celia#celia harvest moon#cecilia story of seasons#fanart#bokumono#my art#awl
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just read ‘Song of Achilles’ and I’ve been crying like a bitch for the past ten minutes
I don’t know why people were like
“Oh, I didn’t cry at that. It’s whatever.”
bc that fucked me up
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#books and reading#song of achilles#Achilles#patroclus#I’ve been crying for so long now#my face is puffy#and I have a headache#I haven’t cried like that in a while#thank god it wasn’t a sob sesh#I would’ve woken up my family 💀#but seriously that book was wonderful#they’re just#two boys in love#and I will forever think about them#now back to crying
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Rarely I ever ventpost on tumblr but when I do it’s because the chronic pain induced insomnia is getting to me and I’m ready to morb about how it’s so bad sometimes that it takes me 4 fuckin hours to get out of the house
#also I’m just kindof upset because it’s like. ok. i’ve suspected for a couple years now that the shit that has been going on has been endo#or perhaps pcos that has gotten out of hand. and like. I’ve been dealing with this shit for 7 years and nobody’s done a damn thing about it#and it’s frustrating because like. I know I’m not making it up. I have back aches all the time. the flare ups are consistent and there is a#pattern to them that doesn’t match anything else that docs have suspected. the pain is real and the insomnia from it is so fucking#debilitating. but like I was just looking at an old ultrasound I got a year ago and they said like ‘everything normal’ and I’m like??? what#and I have another appointment with a new gyno place that doesn’t have a terrible reputation for not doing a damn thing with their patients#but that’s not until june… and I’m really at my wits end NOW#and it’s like nobody listens. nobody cares. meanwhile this shit made me contemplate suicide 5 years ago#and I’m scared that I’m just doomed to this suffering forever#… starting to think it may have been a mistake to stop my antidepressants lmao#even though they gave me a lot of issues too#oh yeah and my old therapist bailed on me today and I’m upset about that too because I was really looking forward to seeing her. she’s#extremely helpful when I see her but lmao this week just told me to go fuck myself I guess#and like no wonder I’m deeply reaquainting with lotr again that shit got me through high school
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Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling
#long distance is actually so terrible I’m dying over here#you might be like ‘anne you’ve been in an ldr for three years now how are you not used to it?’#and the answer is that the pain gets worse every time! and the most annoying thing is that usually it peaks the first night apart and goes#easier from there; but if my mental health is bad enough in other areas it will stick around for up to two weeks which I can already tell i#happening. so that’s good#and as you may remember from me posting about it; things were a little rocky for a while because of my OCD as well as me just being a#terrible person. not really; I need to speak to myself with kindness#but also I think I’m just a bad person. like just through and through not a good person#not that I really think good or bad people exist it’s just everyone does some harm and some good and you can’t nearly divide that into good#or bad#or at least that’s what I tell myself when I think back on the shitty things I’ve done#which is a lot.#but long story short my idiocy did not cause them to dump me even though they easily could have#anyway fuck I just miss my partner and it’s unfair they’re not holding me in this moment#now I just have to keep making amends and working on myself so I don’t do it in the future. I didn’t cheat if anyone’s wondering; I feel#we’re gonna call later anyway so hopefully that will help. and I do feel better for sobbing#like that’s always my assumption when other people blog like this lol#apologies for the tag rant but it is my own post lol#this isn’t even mentioning my academic stress because that does feel secondary to the everything else#because I think I get like a camouflage worry where my brain will tell me I’m freaking out about school#but really it’s a cover for the really painful stuff underneath#anyway. this too shall pass and no emotion is forever and I will see my partner again and we’ll have a long life together :-)#anne speaks
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Finally on “The Crocodile” in my OUAT rewatch!!!!
Let’s Goooo!!!!!
#every time I’ve watched this show I’ve appreciated rumple as a good character and thought he was entertaining but never thought much of him#tell me why this time he’s been my favourite so far#like he’s genuinely the best character on the show and every episode he isn’t in takes me forever to finish#Robert Carlyle is just so talented idk man#im currently obsessed with not only shiny goblin rumple but mr gold too#i wonder if this will somehow make me love the rumple and hook storyline even more#welp time to start the episode :)#ouat#ouat rewatch#once upon a time#ouat The Crocodile#ouat 2x04#rumplestiltskin#ouat rumple#Captain Hook#killian jones#kate's post
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The Paris Review and John Updike getting me in my teenage Dean feels.
#young dean#dean studies#god. thinking of dean coming home from his 17th birthday hunt. burning those nuns whose only sin was loving each other.#and he finds a bookstore with books that look as broken as he feels.#he can’t afford any and he has half a mind to steal one but the bookseller sees him#and see himself in him when he was young and broken and lost.#he hands him a jacket-less book to the boy drowning in the leather coat never made for him#tells him it’s on the house. tells him his now isn’t gonna be his forever.#hopes he listens. hopes he believes him.#and dean goes home to his brother and reads to him about these two brothers who live on the road until sammy falls asleep.#and dean thinks about the bookseller and wonders if he’ll end up like him or like the nuns he salted and burned.#oops i guess i wrote a fic in the tags again. ah well.#I’ve been trying to write on a life in your shape all night to little success so ig this is where it went instead haha
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HELLLP LMGAO when did you change ur user😭
i remember i’ve been trying to find ur blog so i can catch up on “liar,liar”but i couldn’t find it
simultaneously, I also was wondering why I kept getting notifications from a blog called Tojiscrack not knowing it was you, totally happy i found it again🙏🙏
I WARNED EVERYONE THAT I’D CHANGE IT AFTER A POLL I PUT UP ABOUT WHETHER IT SHOULD BE ‘tojisbum’ or ‘tojiscrack’ LIKE 3 MONTHS AGO HAHAHA 😭 and then two months later, i changed it 😗
but so sorry about that, i’m glad you found my blog again 😭 i was lowkey wondering where you were at ‘cause whenever my sporadic updates come along, you tend to send a message about it and you were missing recently so i was like 😟 worried and shit lolol
in any case, if it changes again, you can always find the story on ao3 using their filter feature. put in the tags ‘fushiguro megumi/reader’ and ‘reader is funny and will make you crack up (i promise)’ and my story should be the first — and only — one to pop up <3
BUT YAY, GLAD YOU’RE HERE AGAIN !!!
#it’s a full house guys!#i recognise every lovely liar by their user and how often they talk to me#b4tm4nn specifically too cuz she’s an og#been here since forever#now i’m wondering where some of my ao3 readers disappeared off to#i’ve got comments to reply to on there so i’m gonna go do that soon#i’ve just introduced a new character in liar liar chapter 5#mixed feelings bcz … you’ll see#i wanna say ‘it all goes downhill from here’ but that’s inaccurate#it goes downhill from some point in junior year onwards#but#i like scaring everyone#idk why i’m ranting#woohoo! b4tm4nn is back and alive and well!#*sends multiple smooches over through the screen*
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Pondering bottom surgery in the tags I mf guess
#I’ve been. thinking abt bottom surgery again after having accepted for a while that I would probably never get it#for context early on in my transition I was dead set on phallo but then T and my other surgeries satisfied me enough to not need it#+ for phallo I would have had to keep an arm or leg free of tattoos and I just did not want to wait on that#not considering it would probably be at least a decade. tattoos were and are more important#+ the more I started to enjoy using what I have I was like. it is simply not medically necessary anymore#like would I like to have a **** yes. do I need one to live a happy life no#being bi complicates things for me too bc it depends a little bit who I marry#don’t want to tailor my body to a specific relationship esp if it doesn’t last forever but it does make a difference#current partner is nonbinary and wants phallo so that does not make things simpler lol#I want a body that allows the most affirming possible relationship w the person I intend to marry#I also don’t want to end up hindering things w future partners should that not happen#anyway I say all this to say. I had never considered meta as an option bc I didn’t think it would do much for me#lot of effort and money and healing for not as drastic a change. wouldn’t solve my biggest bottom dysphoria issues#however. starting to think it could be the middle ground I’m looking for as a gnc/genderfluid person#it would be less surgeries. less complicated n expensive. less changes to my current anatomy#esp if I don’t do everything you Can do w meta. I could do like half of all that or less#I don’t wanna risk giving up the things I can do now without knowing if I’ll enjoy the new possibilities#but this could be a way to just kinda feel more affirmed without it changing my life all that much#I think just the act of undergoing bottom surgery would be affirming. like I’ve done Everything I’m a binary male thru and thru. transexual#and I wouldn’t have to keep wondering if I’ll do it someday or if I should#not that I can any time soon I’m uninsured. insurance prob wouldn’t even cover it#but just. the more I look into it and think abt it + the more serious my relationship gets the more I lean towards it#my partner talking increasingly abt wanting bottom surgery asap is influencing me too ngl not even in a jealousy way#just. I can’t deal w the possibility of a partners phallo fucking up my relationship w my body Again. I would need to know what I want#man. I can’t even go to therapy to talk thru it. on account of being uninsured#mine#txt#personal
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