#i’ve been on a huge writing kick so I’m just going crazy with these interactions | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

asthmark · 4 years ago

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❝ only us ❞, n.jm

summary → it was obvious to anyone that you guys had practiced this various times. or maybe it was just natural chemistry? jaemin isn’t sure what’s worse.

request → “could you write about bestfriend jaemin getting jealous when he sees you kiss jeno for a play at school that you're in” (anon)

word count → 3k

a/n → this request made me so incredibly happy because all the knowledge i acquired my musical phase finally came in handy!! also i haven’t listened to dear evan hansen since i downloaded the illegal bootleg on my laptop like last year so i don’t remember much abt it :( i just kind of described it really vaguely lol anyway hope u enjoy ;)

jaemin dropped his backpack carelessly onto the floor of the crowded cafeteria. he set his plate down on the lunch table, not even glancing at you as he eagerly dug into his food.

“sorry i’m late,” he says to you, eyes concentrated on the orange citrus in his hand. his fingers skillfully begin peeling off the skin. “i had to stay a couple minutes after history class as punishment for eating during the lesson.”

you roll your eyes, an amused smile on your face. “disappointed but not surprised.”

at hearing this comment, he glares at you. “hey, i didn’t have breakfast today and my stomach was growling like, really loud! seriously, it sounded like a whale mating call or something.”

“and who’s fault is that?” you ask, tucking your hands beneath your chin.

he frowns as he pops an orange wedge in his mouth. “mine, i guess. but it’s only because coach told me i should eat less if i wanna play better. something about less body mass making it easier to move around the court.”

“well, i’m pretty sure he didn’t mean skipping out on entire meals, doofus,” you retort. “breakfast is the most important meal of the day, isn’t that what everyone says?”

“true.” suddenly, his eyes light up. “so, you’re gonna start bringing me breakfast in the morings?”

you raise an eyebrow. “i’m sorry, when did we decide on that?”

he flashes you one of his infamous na jaemin smiles. “just now.”

“yeah well, tell your coach you’ll be losing that weight because there’s no way i’m going to wake up at the crack of dawn just to get you a mcmuffin.”

“but it would make my mornings so much better,” he whines. “having basketball practice so early sucks but with my cute little cheerleader there it would be totally worth it... the mcdonald’s is a bonus.”

you can’t help but laugh. “sorry nana, but i prefer sleeping in over watching a bunch of sweaty guys toss a ball around at 6 a.m.”

“fine... buy me a coffee after school and i’ll let you slide.”

“maybe tomorrow, i’ve got theatre today.”

“well, after that then,” he suggests.

you shake your head. “but then you’d have to wait and we’re doing a full rehearsal today.”

he shrugs. “i can wait, i don’t have practice.”

“yeah but i know how you are, na jaemin. you have the attention span of a goldfish.”

“not when it comes to you. you always have my attention.”

you’re about to laugh at what you assumed had been a purposefully cliché one-liner on his behalf but there’s no sign that he was joking. his devilish smirk and teasing eyes that usually appeared when he flirted with the girls on campus were nowhere to be found. instead you’re met with a straight face and his glimmering eyes that seem almost expectant, concentrated on you only. it takes you by surprise. was he being serious or something? the thought alone has your heart beat steadily increasing.

“okay fine, fine. anything for you to stop staring at me like that.”

he tilts his head to the side, resembling a lost puppy. “staring at you like what?”

“like—“ you pause, debating on whether or not you should say it. “like you’re in love with me or something.”

he only chuckles. “you have no idea.”

you almost choke on your sandwich. before you have a chance to ask him what in the world he meant by that, one of his teammates from the basketball team appears behind him, stealing his attention away.

“hey jaem,” donghyuck greets as he ruffles the younger boy’s hair. “coach just called a team meeting.”

“right now?” jaemin asks, displeased.

the brunette nods, folding his arms over his chest.

jaemin suppresses a groan as he stands and grabs his belongings. “sorry y/n. i’ll see you later for your rehearsals, okay?”

you nod. “see you later, nana.”

“bye jaemin’s girlfriend!” donghyuck exclaims receiving a punch in the arm from your ‘boyfriend’ although he doesn’t deny.

“i’m excited,” comments jaemin later that day. he has a bright grin on his face as you make your way through the hallway to the multipurpose room where you usually went for theatre club .

“oh really? i didn’t know you liked musicals.”

“well not really. but i like you.”

for the second time in one day, jaemin catches you off guard. you kick yourself for letting his shamelessness get to you. after all, wasn’t he like that with every girl? he had always been a charmer, you knew that before you had even met him.

na jaemin—point guard and certified flirt.

the only reason you had grown closer was due to him being in critical need of academic help and your teacher seeing you as a fit tutor. at first everyone found it amusing; the classic popular guy and quiet girl cliche. nobody had expected that you two would become practically glued by the hip. especially not you. maybe that was why you were so opposed to jaemin flirting with you. you were best friends but you knew how he was: not interested but never one to turn down any kind of attention. there was just no way that among so many girls you would be an exception.

“well, i hope you can like me for two hours because that’s probably how long this is gonna take,” you say, trying to move the conversation forward.

“i already told you, i have nowhere to be!” he exclaims. “besides, when would i ever turn down an opportunity to stare at you for a couple hours?”

you can’t help but roll you eyes, playfully. “please refrain from using any of your cheesy pick up lines on me while we’re there.”

“why?” he whines. “are you embarrassed of me?” when you turn to look at him he’s making those ridiculous puppy eyes that he knows you find hilarious.

you snort at seeing the familiar face. “when you do that, definitely.”

“alright fine. i’ll try to be on my best behavior in front of your little theatre friends.”

“thank you.” despite not believing a word he says, you still push open the door leading to the multipurpose room.

before you even get one foot in the door, your cast mate is already in your face.

“y/n, finally!” he says, looking beyond relieved at your presence. “i thought you’d never come! c’mon, you gotta change into your costume so we can start.”

“it’s not even opening night, jeno, calm down!” you say, laughing. “and i’m only a couple minutes late, it’s fine.”

he frowns. “you know how anxious i get. everything needs to be perfect.”

“yeah i know, sorry renjun.”

jeno makes a face, showcasing his disgust with your comment that compared him to your strict director. “shut up, you’re gonna summon him.”

“summon who?”

speak of the devil.

you shake your head at renjun who has appeared besides jeno. “not important.”

he smiles sarcastically, brushing his blonde bangs out of his face. “oh good. so can we move on to the actually important things now? like how you’re 6 minutes late?”

you sigh. “i had to wait outside jaemin’s class that’s on the other side of campus, sorry.”

but renjun doesn’t seem to care about your apology. instead, his attention has shifted to jaemin who stands behind you, hands stuffed into his pockets and eyes curiously observing the interactions between you and your friends.

“hello there.” your director moves past you, extending his hand towards your best friend which he takes awkwardly. “pleasure to meet you. you’re on the basketball team, right? i heard you scored the winning touchdown at the last game. congrats!”

“um, it’s just called a point in basketball but... thank you.”

renjun ignores jaemin’s correction. “is it your first time visiting the theater club?”

the brunette nods.

“oh, that’s wonderful! do you plan on coming to see our play on the 15th of this month?”

jaemin scratches the back of his head. “um... to be honest, i didn’t even know you guys had one coming up.”

renjun laughs, harder than usual. “that’s quite alright. it’s called ‘dear evan hansen’. it’s about the trials of high school life for a depressed teen who’s caught in a huge lie.” his hands fly around wildly, using them for emphasis as he dramatically explains the plot to jaemin. “you should come support us!”

“well, i would love t—“

“great! entry is $10.00, cash only. and definitely invite the rest of the basketball team!” with that, renjun rushes off, shouting something about how that was ‘exactly how to sell tickets for the play’ to the rest of the staff.

jaemin gives you a confused stare. “what just happened?”

you chuckle and give him a pat on the back. “you just experienced firsthand what we call here at the theater club the huang renjun effect. never fails to suck somebody into buying tickets for our shows.”

“well, now i kinda wanna buy one.” he turns to you, his eyes widening so big it’s comical. “wow, he’s good.”

“he’s more of a salesman than a director, that’s what you always say, right?” you turn to jeno who nods at the statement. “oh, this is jeno, by the way. he’s one of the few people around here who is not crazy.”

jeno waves at jaemin who smiles weakly at him, too busy observing his physique to say anything. his costume consisted of a blue polo shirt that made his biceps and veiny arms much more prominent. the shirt was pretty tight as well, making his toned chest and torso visible to just about anyone. the khakis he wore were fitted and his thick thighs were impossible to ignore. jaemin can’t help but wonder what a guy with his body was doing in a theatre club when he could be such a useful player on the court.

he looks up at his face, his cheeks curved into a smile that reached his squinted eyes. he would admit, he was a good looking dude. he then glances at you and realizes—you spent almost everyday with jeno. he feels guilty for it but he can’t stop himself from feeling slightly threatened by your cast mate.

jeno clears his throat, trying to ignore the awkward silence that has settled upon the three of you. “um, it was nice meeting you.” he shifts his attention to you. “i’m gonna finish getting ready.”

once he has left, you let out a giggle that you had been holding in during the entire exchange. “what’s the matter? you got all choked up just now. look, i know jeno’s hot but you gotta keep your cool just like the rest of us, okay?”

he frowns as he folds his arms over his chest, your last comment only fueling his feelings. “quit teasing me.”

“aw c’mon, you know i gotta give you a hard time,” you say, knocking his shoulder with yours. “it’s my duty as your best friend.”

before he can even respond, renjun’s voice is heard, being amplified by the megaphone in his hand. “rehearsals will start in 15 minutes instead of 5 because y/n wants to chit-chat with her friend instead of going to hair and makeup!”

you scowl at having been called out. “alright, i’ve gotta go get ready. please enjoy the show, though, okay?”

jaemin nods, smiling at seeing the genuine glint in your eyes. “of course.”

you were reaching the half point of the musical and jaemin had already cried twice.

with the looks he was receiving from the stage crew and even some of the cast members up on stage, he could tell they hadn’t expected him to be as emotional as he was but he couldn’t help it. the play was incredibly sad and he found himself not even knowing who to pity.

there was jeno’s character, evan hansen, who was stuck in a hole he had dug himself into but there was still a bit of him that was innocent and so helpless.

then there was connor murphy played by a kid named park jisung, who had only been around for a couple of scenes since his character was so tormented he had taken his life at the beginning of the play.

there were many other supporting roles, such as family members or friends and they all seemed to have their own issues but the character that truly got to him was yours.

you were playing zoe murphy, connor’s sister who was grappling with the death of her brother the entire musical, not sure whether to mourn him or remember him for the abusive person he was. in fact, your performance had tugged at jaemin’s heart strings so intensely that your solo song was the reason he had cried the first time around.

your acting skills had impressed him and your vocals left him stunned. all the times you and him had carpooled and sung the songs on the radio at the top of your lungs, he had never noticed your heavenly pipes. now that he had, he could feel himself becoming even more into you, if that was possible.

he sat on the edge of his seat, eyes focused intently on you and jeno as the 10th song began. as soon as the sound of the soft piano begins, jaemin prepares himself to shed tears once more but to his surprise, it seemed to be taking a more romantic turn.

he could only watch as you and jeno sang about being together and not letting go of each other... basically saying everything he wanted to tell you. he knew it was all a part of the act but seeing a guy as perfect as jeno pour his feelings out to you as you watched him with heart eyes and sang about how mutual it was proved to be incredibly tough. it made him feel like all his shameless flirts and stares that were too long to be just friendly were useless. why couldn’t making you his be as easy as jeno was making it seem?

before he can beat himself up for it anymore you and jeno lock lips. it isn’t just a quick peck, either. your hand tangles itself into his gelled back hair and his hand ends up on your waist as your lips move against each other, rhythmically. it was obvious to anyone that you guys had practiced this various times. or maybe it was just natural chemistry? jaemin isn’t sure what’s worse. all he knows is that he can’t take another second of watching you two engage in your passionate kiss when all he wishes is that he were in jeno’s shoes.

so, without a second thought he gets up and rushes out the door. he doesn’t look back at you because he doesn’t want to see the confusion and disappointment that will surely be on your face. he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of his childish actions. he doesn’t stop running until he reaches the gym and takes a seat in the bleachers. he doubles over, head in his hands as he pants heavily in an attempt to catch his breath.

shortly after, much to his surprise, the door swings open and there you stand.

“what are you doing here?” he asks, sitting up straight.

“me? what about you, jaemin?” you approach him, slowly. “you just ran out of the room, for god’s sake. everyone’s worried, i’m worried.”

he feels another wave of guilt wash over him for interrupting your rehearsal and going against the one thing he said he was going to do: behave. “please go back. i’m fine, y/n. just needed a breather.”

“oh no,” you say walking up the stairs to the top row of bleachers where your best friend sits. “don’t ‘i’m fine, y/n’ me. you are most definitely not fine.” once you reach him you take a seat to his left, making sure to leave a generous space between you and him. “what happened back there? i swear, if renjun said anything to you i’ll personally make sure he never looks in your direction again.”

“no, it’s not that.” he pauses. “you and jeno were just—“ he trails off, his throat going dry.

you carefully place a hand on his arm, letting him know you would wait for anything he had to say.

“you were just really convincing.”

“well, isnt that a good thing?”

“it was... too much for me to see,” he confesses.

“so, what you’re saying is it’s too unrealistic? do we need to tone it down a bit?”

he nearly groans in frustration. “it’s not that! i wanted to be him, y/n! i want to feel your lips and hear about how much you want me!”

you retract your hand from his arm. “are you serious right now?”

he shoots you a harsh look and you notice how his eyes are glossed over, confirming just how serious he was. he gets up to leave, accepting his rejection before you grab his arm again and yank him down. he lands back on the bench and stares at you, visibly puzzled.

“if you would have waited a second longer you would know how badly i want those things too, you goldfish.”

the tears in his eyes fall but he still shoots you a toothy grin, showing he was anything but unhappy. you bring your hand up to his face, your thumb softly rubbing away the wet stains on his cheek. he unconsciously leans into your touch, never once breaking eye contact. once he’s had enough of delicate touches, he pulls you into his chest and you breathe in his scent—peppermint and coffee.

“i’m sorry.”

“for what?”

“for basically trading spit with jeno right in front of you.”

“it’s alright, baby... let me be the only person you practice that kiss scene with and i’ll let you slide.”

“deal.”

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sonybees · 4 years ago

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mutuals appreciation post!

i seriously CANNOT at all process this

literally i do not know how this even happened but i am so inexplicably grateful for every single one of you! i love all of you so so much!

i was maybe thinking about making a sleepover but school has been kicking my ass lately so i just decided on making a little mutuals appreciation post! to all my other mutuals, i love all of you so much and i literally want to smother all of you with hugs and kisses. i am so grateful for all of you. thank you.

this might be a little long so it’s under the cut! there might be a lot of mistakes snsjd

@lunaleonorah leo!!! you are an absolute blessing. i love your kindness and the amount of affection you give me literally makes me wanna break down and scream. in a good way of course sjjs. i love our conversations where we just talk about our days and all that. i wish we could always be friends and you can tell me anything you’d like. i love our friendship because we can talk to each other whenever we’d like and will always bring comfort to each other. i always look forward to having conversations with you everyday. ilysm and you deserve the world <3 all the love, pluto.

@gredmforge rory, my wife! i love talking to you about nonsense, it always makes my day and your fun and carefree personality always makes me smile. no doubt that we will be great friends in real life. the little asks you send in my inbox always make me laugh and i’m very excited for whatever future works you have. you always seemed so nice and sweet ever since i first interacted with you and i am so happy that i asked you where you got your memes because look what that got us to! shsjdjd. no but seriously, i love talking to you about our obsessions and just saying hello to each other. ilysm and i hope you always remember that! :) <3

@crookedhag my lovely eliz, i’m too lazy to make another one of those fancy scrolls that i did earlier but that doesn’t stop me from showin gmy appreciation for you. you are such a sweet and amazing person. you are also so talented and i am always so happy to see your name pop up on my notifications. you were always the first one to send me an ask for ask games and you always check in on me and i love you for that. i wish the very best in everything you do. you have great taste in music and i’m starting to think that you’re in every single fandom i don’t know jsjsj. but i love talking to you and ily! mwah! ◡̈

@oldschoolkiddo hero! the first time you ever interacted with me, i already knew that i would love having you around. you are such a fun person and all the tag games that you make and tag me in are always so fun! you are an independent person and i love that so much. you speak your mind and that is so powerful. you are so very sweet and your personality is so fun. i hope that you have many great days in the future and you can always talk to me whenever you need to. let me know if you want a distraction from anything or if you just want to rant, i will be here. ily!

@krasivayadarling my lovely ant! i am so very glad that i built up the courage to say hi to you when you made that post saying you wanted to be friends with new people. you are one of the best people i’ve ever met and you are so sweet, kind, talented, funny, and supportive. i am also so grateful for your support in my fics. you were my first ever supporter and i was really nervous for someone to read my works but you were so nice about it and i love that. i wish you all the best. ily, ant! sincerely, soap.

@whatthefuckimbisexual the loveliest persephone, you are such a bad bitch. JSJS NO BUT SRSLY ILYSM. you are such a fun person and i love how we can relate to each other a lot. i mean, staying up til 3 am and fuck aral pan yk? ejekdj. i really wish you the best in everything and i hope that we can interact more! you are truly one of the most fun and energetic people i’ve ever met and you are so very sweet and funny. thank you for being a great person! all the love <3

@falconxbarnes maddie! you add such a sweet and great person and when you reblog and like my posts, my heart fills with joy! your blog brings me so much comfort and i love our short little conversations. you remind me of going out at 5 am when the sun is almost out. the joy is always evident when that happens just like how i feel when i talk to you! i wish to eat pancit canton with you one day! i really wish you the best in everything and you deserve so many good things. mwah!

@amourtentiaa liane! you are literally so talented and it amazes me every time i read your works. you are so fun and chill and seeing your name always makes me happy! your blog page is filled with so much comfort in my opinion and our first conversation ever was so fun and you are so polite. you also really remind me of the night. i can’t explain why but like i said, you are chill and brings me a lot of comfort! i really love the way you interact with others as you are so kind. i hope you are doing well and always will feel well. ily, yannie!

@puntuations oh my gosh, ysa! you followed me first and i didn’t exactly understand why because you seemed too cool and mature for me djdj. but i am so glad you did and i am so grateful that you’re my friend. thank you for tagging me in dps related things! i really love that and it brings me so much joy. you were always so kind to me no matter what and you are so respectful. i appreciate you and your blog always makes me smile. thank you for being an amazing friend. ilysm, ysa. mwah!

@tofeeltaller joy! you bring me so much joy! sjdndjdn sorry, i had to. you are so so sweet and kind. i was always so scared to interact with dps blogs because they seemed intimidating but so nice at the same time (idk why i’m sorrydhjd), i thought y’all were too cool for me and i didn’t know how to approach you guys but after i got the courage to talk to you, i felt a lot more comfortable. you are so sweet and kind and you deserve so much more blessings. you truly are an amazing person and i hope that your days will get better and better. giving you so many warm hugs and kisses, mwah!

@lolremuslupin dkndkx omg you are so sweet! i don’t interact with you much but we do talk sometimes. i am also very glad that i decided to pm you to try and make new friends and you were so kind about it. you are such an amazing person and i love staying up at 3 am talking to you about random crap. i wish that your life will go well and that you are always safe! warm hugs!

@punkrific soaf, my twin! i really love talking to you and your energy is always so great. you are an amazing and fun person and having a twin like you always makes me feel like the luckiest ever. i am so so grateful to have you as a friend and your dashing personality always gets me. ilysm and i wish you the best! love, the ugly sofia <3

@freddieweasleyswife sweets! i’ve never met someone as sweet and kind as you are. you’re an amazing person and you deserve so much and you are so talented. i wish to write like you one day. my day is always better when I see your name in my notifications being friends with someone as amazing as you are is so great and i wosh to interact with you more. i miss talking to you and you’re always so kind and ready to comfort anyone. ilysm and you deserve the world. sincerely, sweetpea. <3

@sam-winchester-is-my-bitch rae! i love talking to you and seeing your pets! you are so kind, sweet and understanding and you really know how to make me smile. whenever i talk to you, it’s always so wholesome and nice and you give off so much good vibes. you really are like the color yellow to me, sunny, nice, but can be serious at times. but is always ready to cheer someone up. i wish you the best in everything and i hope that we can talk more! all the love <3

@daltonacademia kendi! i know you’re on a short hiatus at the moment but i just had to add you in here. i really hope that you are doing well and i hope you know that your writing is literally one of the best that i’ve ever read. you are so sweet and kind and you always have that little fun and sunny personality and i love talking to you so much. you are so respectful and you deserve so much. i’m sending you all the love and comfort. you are amazing and i hope you know that. stay safe, kendi! i really love that nicknamejsjs

@thatswhywilliamagedlikesourmilk dear! i am so glad that you followed my page and i am so so grateful that i’m friends with you. you are one of the best people ever and you are so so sweet. the most adorable person ever! talking to you feels like hugging a teddy bear and i am aware that that doesn’t make much sense but it just feels so comfy and brings me joy. i really hope that you’re doing well because you also deserve everything! sending you so many hugs <3 mwah!

@fredweasleyismyloverman alex, my dear! you are so kind and nice! i’m really glad i followed you. just a little fun fact, i actually found you through ant or @krasivayadarling . i was reading through some people who she gave ships to and i saw yours and i was like “oh my gosh, this person and i are literally the same.” and i went crazy because it looked almost exactly the same as my description hdjdjd. i’m actually not that sure if it went like that but that’s how i recalled it so i just always remember thatsbns. i literally relate to you so much and your shitposts give me life. you are so wise and amazing and i would love to talk to you more! ily, dear! mwah <3

@daisyyy2516 daze, dear! i am so happy that sab led ke to your page! literally, you are so damn talented and i just cannot i am always so amazed every time you show your works. you are so kind and sweet and such an icon. you bring me so much joy and everything you’ve ever said to me has always been something sweet and funny. ilysm and you deserve the world. i’d like if you dm’ed me once you’ve gotten your work displayed at some huge art exhibition. you are so amazing and i want you to know that. everything will be better. i appreciate you and i am so glad that you are in this world. i love you sm, daze. frd weasley loves you too. all the love and joy, soaf.

@sirlorelai lorie!! you are so nice and kind and sweet. i’m very glad that you weren’t angry at me spam reblogging your postsjsjd. i love our conversations and i wish we could talk more! you are such a kind and funny person and everything you’ve ever done has put a smile to my face. you are so fun and energetic and i love that. i hope that life is going well over there and that everything will be better if it isn’t at the moment. you deserve so much and ilysm, mwah!

@quadrupledeckertaco lorelei, dear! i miss talking to you! i really love our conversations and your soft but fierce personality is so great and it brings me so much joy. your writing is literally so amazing and like i said, i aspire to write like you one day. i miss you so much and i really hope that everything’s well. i wish you the best and sending you so much love, sofia. <3

and to all my other mutuals! thank you! i love all of you so much and interacting with all of you brings me so much joy. thank you for everything. have a great day everyone!

#again i am SO SO SO GRATEFUL #OMG YOU GUYS DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IM ACTUALLY FREAKING OUT I TROED TO BE CHILL ON THSI PSOTJEND #sofia’s got 300 friends!#sofia’s mutual appreciation post #tw swearing #tw food mention

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jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists · 3 years ago

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🥳🌈🐸 FIC WRITER TAG GAME🐸🌈🥳

hello everyone! i was tagged by the absolutely lovely @palimpsessed to take part in this, so here i go!

(ps i’m not gonna tag anyone, just say i tagged you if you see this and wanna take part ;p) ((pps i’m actually gonna tag @faeryphilia and @mostlymaudlin tho. my babes <3 my mutuals <3 my dears <3)) (((ppps you can still say i tagged you. muah have a nice day :3)))

How many works do you have on AO3?

21 works :) although, some of them are just rants and thank you letters, so i don’t think they all count :)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

about 60,082 words!! holy shit balls!! that’s crazy!!

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

one so far; which is carry on. i do plan to write for other fandoms tho ;p

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Cool Runnings and Sucking Cock {E}

Hey, Bartender? {E}

How Many? {E}

Vibrators, Breakfast, Goats, and More! They Got It All At The Copier Store! {E}

Monsters Under The Bed (And Outside Of It) {T}

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

of course yes! i absolutely love when i get interaction from my froglings!! 🐸 it’s a huge endorphin high anytime i get so much as a kudos! i love you all so much :D 🥰

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Well, Then You Burn {M}. It’s a major character death, so it’s pretty dang sad. it hurt me to write and i hope it hurts you to read :D

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

no, but i fear it constantly. i look back at some of my stuff and honestly? the shit i say to myself is already bad. i don’t think anyone could say something worse.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

it’s practically all i write, bestie. i am a whore. a slutty frog, if you will. i’ll write pretty much anything, but i do prefer to have some d/s undertones or just straight up bdsm. i am an unholy frog, but i also like my sweet and fluffy making love sessions too.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i fucking hope i have. that’d be the biggest damn compliment. or the biggest insult. like, oh i’m so good someone stole from me haha 😎. or they thought i was so irrelevant they could get away with it 😞. yknow?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not as far as i’m aware, but if so, let me know!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope, but i’m totally down to work with anyone! i am going to be beta-ing for @angelsfalling16 tho, so that’s super cool! hit me up if you need absolutely anything to do with fics and i’ll try my best to be helpful! i’m sinful, but i’m a good mother frog 🐸 😌

What’s your all time favorite ship?

depends on what i’m obsessed with. rn it’s snowbaz, but it used to be hinny.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

yikes there’s so many. i have over 100 wips in progress rn but i’m too scared to talk about them bc i don’t want to ruin the surprise when i post, and my fic for the carry on too many aus fest is really kicking my ass. i have no idea how i’m going to get it out in time and i’m terrified i won’t be able to. IM NOT EVEN HALFWAY DONE AND POSTING IS TOMORROW WTF

What are your writing strengths?

no fucking clue. i mean, i THINK im good at dialogue? maybe?

What are your writing weaknesses?

fuck plot. i hate plot. plot can suck my ass. why can’t i just write dialogue and have people understand the picture in my head??? why am i so specific and picky about word count??? why do i hate simplicity???

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

i’ve done it before and will most likely do it again! i’m not fluent in anything other than english, though, so if i ever mess up, make sure to tell me!

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

so, that’s a good question. the first fandom i ever wrote for was dora the explorer. i’ve been writing fanfic for a LOOONG time. the first fandom i ever PUBLISHED for was carry on. i was sitting in the hospital, writing away, and i thought ‘huh. i should publish this.’ and that was that.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i don’t have a favorite fic that’s published, but i sure as fuck have a favorite. it’s a long and grueling process and i’ve spent so much time with it, but i love it and i love the concept. it’s not even close to done, but i’m still excited.

#writer tag game #haha #snowbaz #simon snow #simon snow trilogy #carry on #wayward son #any way the wind blows

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absolutepx · 4 years ago

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So I've been playing Death Stranding lately. Wait, that's not what this post is about. Well, it kind of is. Hang on. What is Death Stranding about?

A: Norman Reedus getting bare ass naked B. Sneaking around ghosts with the help of your sidekick, an actual baby C: Carrying 50 Amazon packages up a hill while trying to not topple over D: Waking up in the morning and drinking 5 Monster Energy™ for breakfast

For those following along at home, the answer is actually none of the above. Despite the set dressing being bizarre to the point of near absurdity, what the game is actually about, like thematically, is actually really simple.

See, the development of Death Stranding was actually quite a trip. Hideo Kojima is the video game world's equivalent of an auteur director. He has a very recognizable personal style. It's thoroughly horny – he caught a bunch of shit for the design of Quiet in MGSV, but like, a lot of Kojima characters are just -like that-, including the dudes. Also, this is going to possibly be important later.

Anyway, so Kojima was going to do a rebootmakequel of Silent Hill, and the demo actually made it to the PS store and I could actually write a whole side essay about why P.T. (it was called P.T. for some reason btw) was brilliant game design for how it used the same hallway over and over and it was somehow beneficial to the overall feeling of horror. So Konami it turns out kinda sucks nowadays and they like, fired Kojima (they were huge dicks about it behind closed doors, too) and scrapped the project and kicked him out on the street and kept the Metal Gear series which was his baby (literally the baby in the sink in P.T., he snuck a bunch of messaging about the Konami situation into the demo like a breakup album) and Kojima would go on to form his own studio and poach some of the people who worked with him to boot. So the thing about Kojima is this: he's got a reputation for already putting some wild shit in his games, like a ladder that takes like 10 real time minutes to climb in MGS3 for dramatic effect, and a boss in MGS3 that summons the ghosts of all the people you were too lazy to stealth past and killed, or a sniper battle with a really old guy that he wanted to have last two weeks or some shit until he died of old age but he was "told that "this was impossible and not recommended." That is a real quote I just looked up. So he's coming off the heels of making this hugely successful game with MGSV and the hype of the P.T. Demo and he fucking, he like took all the people that were going to be working on P.T. Along like Guillermo Del Toro was going to co-write it and Norman Reedus was going to star in it, and he's like, I'm going to make this game called Death Stranding. And the first trailer comes out for it and it's completely nuts. Norman Reedus wakes up naked on a beach crying with a baby and there are floating people in the sky? So we're all like hooooooly shit, there's no one to tell him "this is impossible and not recommended" anymore. What's he going to make now!?

So the whole time the game is in development I keep seeing these tweets where it'll be like, Kojima and one of his homies smiling with some saccharine message about being spiritual warriors and changing the world. And not just Del Toro and Reedus, there was Mads Mikkelsen (another guy Kojima puts in the game just because he apparently loves him), and the band Chvches, and also like, Keanu Reeves at one point? You know how everyone has just kind of accepted that Keanu is a being of light? Here he was endorsing Kojima. The hype was pretty confused and frantic.

The game eventually comes out. A lot of game journos hate it because I think there was this expectation it was going to be, you know, less weird and have more of the conventional structure of a video game. That's not to say the average gamer wasn't also dismissive of it, but I think on the ground level there was more of an understanding that like, yeah, Kojima just be like that sometimes.

Because the game was a timed console exclusive and your homie don't play like that, I spent the first year or so cautiously viewing Death Stranding from a distance. I wasn't sure I was going to like it – except for being really impressed with P.T., I wasn't actually a big fan of Kojima's games as games – but I -was- sure that I was going to buy it, because of the way Konami fucked him over, just out of support. And the shit I was hearing was really out there. The primary mode of gameplay is just delivery packages. You collect Norman Reedus' bathwater and pee and use it as grenades. You get a motorcycle that looks like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus, and when you sit on it, his character in the game says "Wow, this thing is like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus!"

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But I didn't really want to know that much about it. Something has that much fucking crazy person energy, you want to go in mostly blind, right? So maybe people just weren't talking about this, or maybe I wasn't seeing it, but then I watched Girlfriend Reviews' video about it and they came right out and said it (link provided if you want to hear Shelby say it more articulately than me):

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Death Stranding is basically about the exact opposite of Twitter. It's about remembering how to be kind to each other, how to reconnect in a world where people are so often hostile to each other by default. Prophetically, it's about a world where people are afraid to go outside or touch other people and how damaging that is. It's not a game about carrying packages, it's a game about helping people by being brave enough to walk through a wasteland carrying their burdens because they can't. It's about rebuilding the lost connections between people, about restoring roads and giving people hope. I bet, for Kojima and the people close to him, it's about how to answer hostility with compassion. You can't kill people in Death Stranding. You can and are absolutely encouraged to fucking throw hands with people sometimes, but all the tools and weapons are nonlethal. So I think Kojima took all the Twitter heat he got over the Quiet nontroversy, and all the feelings of isolation he had from Konami separating him from his team during the end of the development of MGSV, and all the support and encouragement he got from his bros Del Toro and Mads and the rest, and decided to channel that into making a game that was a statement about all of it. And sure, it's a little heavy handed, and sure, it's a little saccharine, and sure, the gameplay sometimes borders on miserable in service of creating emotional payoffs. For me, especially in 2020, this message is a huge success. Social media should be an opportunity for all of us to feel more connected to each other, yet primarily it feels like one of the main forces driving people apart. Why is that? Why is the internet of today such a hostile place? I'm old enough to remember web 1.0: I can haz cheezburger memes; YTMND; the early wild west days of Youtube... What happened to us? I've thrown the blame at Twitter in the past, and I think the architecture of the user experience on Twitter is absolutely a big piece of the puzzle, because it fosters negative interactions. But in terms of the behavior, people have observed that 2018 Twitter was actually almost exactly like 2014 Tumblr. (For the record, Tumblr is now one of the chillest places left on the internet, because so few fucks are left to give.)

I think part of it is the anonymity. The dehumanizing disconnection of the separation of screens and miles. Louis CK, before he was cancelled, had a great point about cyberbullying, and why it's so much more savage than kids are IRL. When you pick on someone in person and you are confronted with seeing the pain you caused them, for most sane people it causes negative feedback and you become disgusted with your actions and eventually learn to stop being a shithead. Online, at best you can "break the wrist, walk away".

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At worst, you can become addicted to "clout chasing" and the psychological thrill of being cheered on by your social ingroup. It's even worse if you feel like it's not bullying and your actions are justified because whoever you've targeted is a bad person so you don't have to feel bad about what you do to them. This is where reductive, unhelpful catchphrases like "punch a nazi" come in. For every argument, one or both sides have convinced themselves that the other side is subhuman because their beliefs are so disgusting. And sometimes it's even true! A lot of times, especially these days, people really are acting like animals or worse online. Entire disinformation engines are roaring day and night, churning out garbage and cluttering the social consciousness. (Kojima talked about this bit, too, way back in MGS2. As if I wasn't already in danger of losing my thread through this.)

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The human brain was not built to live like this. You can't wake up every morning, roll over and open your phone, and be immediately faced with a tidal wave of anger and indignity. It wasn't built to be aware of fully how horrible the world is at any moment ALL AT ONCE, ALL THE TIME. And you will be. Because of another way that our brain works – the way we are more likely to share negative opinions. And because of the cottage industry built on farming outrage clicks, and because of constant performative activism.

It's not that I don't agree that being informed is important.

It's not that I don't agree that the causes people get riled up about are important.

They are. They absolutely are.

But we can't keep living like this. The constant, unending flood of tragedy, arguments, and hot takes. How much of the negativity we associate with online culture is the product of this feedback loop? What if the rise of doomer culture has been, if not entirely created by, has been nourished and exacerbated by our hostile attitudes toward each other? Incels and TERFs, white supremacists, radfems, tankies and Trumpers – it seems like on every side of every issue, there are people simultaneously getting it wrong in multiple directions at once and there are more being radicalized every day. They are the toxic waste left behind by the state of discourse. And any hill is a hill worth dying on.

So what am I actually advocating? I don't know. There are a lot of fights going on right now that are important and we can't just climb into bunkers and ignore our problems hoping that Norman Reedus and his fine ass are going to leave the shit we need on our doorsteps. We need to find the strength to carry those hypothetical packages for ourselves sometimes - and hopefully, for others as well. Humans are social creatures. We need interaction and enrichment.

We need love.

So just try to remember the connections between humanity. Try to put more good stuff into the world when you can. Share more shitposts and memes. Tell your friends and family that you love them. Share good news when you hear it. Go on a weird fucking tangent about Death Stranding. Find a way to "be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes."

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#death stranding #hideo kojima #video games #cancel culture #essay #oc

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sweeethinny · 4 years ago

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Well, first, I wanted to say that I haven't written in Mira's pov for a long time, even though she is my favorite OC, but I liked how it turned out.

So, for a long time @startanewdream has been asking me to write more about Mira x James S., and yesterday, after reading the AMAZING one shot of her about James S. I was inspired - READ GUYS, IT'S... WOW

Forgive me for mistakes, I'm writing on my cell phone and it's harder to edit and fix, but I wanted to post anyway.

This happens on the same day that Harry ends up seeing them kissing, but I didn’t post the moment because it was going to be too long and I wouldn’t be able to post soon. But here's Harry's reaction - James's dating

Give James S and Mira Hazel a chance, I like them very much LOL ♥️

Read bellow the cut :)

It felt so good to kiss him. Mira had already kissed other boys, and girls, but there was something about James that made him much better than everyone else, something that made her enjoy kissing him for minutes and hours and centuries.

'We can be caught,' She sadly broke off the kiss, pulling away from him as she could and trying to get the air out of her lungs. James seemed satisfied with the mess he was making of her.

'By whom?' He smiled, licking his lips the way he always did before getting them into trouble. The pink mouth of her lipstick and his brown hair all messed up from Mira's hands.

'Hm… your parents? Your brothers?' Mira pushed him away when James tried to get closer, running away from him and heading towards the hammock trapped in the two big trees that were there, among the many others.

'The two brats already know,' James sat across from her in the hammock, his legs spread with both feet out of the hammock, swinging them slowly from side to side, nothing to make her feel sick. 'Or didn't you notice how Lily got on top of us on the train?'

'I noticed, but I thought it was just her mad because you said you didn't want her around.' Mira laughed, legs crossed in front of her, feeling the sun break through the trees and warm them. 'But your parents don't know.'

'I'm going to tell them, I'm just waiting for a while. Last week Teddy thought he was going to be a father, so I need to take a break from great emotions.' James made a face, making her laugh.

'And he won't be?'

'Of course not,' His thick, dark eyebrows went up, as if Mira had said he could never do magic again. 'I think my mom would kill him before Uncle Bill even arrived. You had to see her face, she looked scarier than McGonagall'

Before she could make a joke about his mother being normally more frightening than McGonagall, a female voice interrupted them, making them look at the back kitchen door that had opened, showing a Lily Luna running towards them, the flowered dress made her look even more radiant, even though she had her arm bandaged from falling from the tree.

'Mom ask for your help.' She smiled, looking very happy to have interrupted whatever they were doing.

'I'll be right away,' James didn't seem so happy, however, pushing his sister away from them. 'Let she know that I'm coming.' Lily ran back into the house, but she didn't seem satisfied with being left out, so she would probably be back in the next few minutes.

'You don't have to expel her every time.' Mira stood up, reaching out to pull James out of the hammock as well. The boy seemed reluctant to get up, but Mira wasn't going to give Lily ammunition to tell everyone that they were dating, so she kept moving her hand until James took it and got up. 'I'm sure you interrupted more often than she, Teddy and Victoire.'

'And he kicked me out every time.' James laughed, walking beside her, looking at her with raised eyebrows. 'It is my role as an older brother, just as I will piss her off when she dates.'

'What about Al? Aren't you going to interrupt him?'

'Albus first needs to have the courage to ask someone out, and then I will piss him off.' James shrugged, opening the door for her to enter.

'Don't be an asshole,' She smacked him on the arm as soon as James entered the kitchen. 'Albus has his time, besides, I've seen him with a boy, hiding around the castle.' Mira bit her smile, remembering how embarrassed the boy had been when he realized she had seen him, but Mira continued on her way pretending not to notice anything.

'Anyway, this is Lily's job.' James shrugged.

'What is her job?' Mrs. Potter asked, coming from the living room with a shopping bag on her arm, while others floated behind her. Mira stopped smiling and straightened her back, a little nervous .

'Being boring with Albus when he dates.' James picked up some of the floating bags, placing them on the pale granite countertop, pulling out the groceries.

'Was she being annoying with you two?' Her red eyebrows went up, looking at them both with a sly smile that Mira knew very well. She didn't even need to know that she was blushing, the heat that took over her body almost made her fall back.

'She's boring.' James said, looking very calm, while Mira busied herself with picking up the other floating bags. 'With everyone.'

'Oh, I understand.' Mrs. Potter smiled, placing what looked like a jar of jam inside the cupboard. 'Younger sisters can be a little nosy when the older brother is…' She looked at them, a smile that didn't look like James, but it wasn't much different, either. 'With girls.'

'Oh please.' James complained.

'What?' Mrs. Potter shrugged, tossing her red hair behind her shoulders. 'How's your grandma, Mira?'

'Well,' Mira replied, still unable to look her in the eye. It was always as if Mrs. Potter could read her mind and discover that she was kissing James in every second she had free. 'She got a new wheelchair, more comfortable and easier for her to get around..'

'Good for her, I believe she doesn't like to be standing in a bed?'

'No, no.' Mira took the fish and placed it where James indicated. 'She would probably go into depression.'

'I'm glad she got a new chair then,' Mrs. Potter smiled. 'Will you come with us to camp? I hope James invited you too.' She looked at her son, who denied and rolled his eyes, his cheeks a little flushed, but still maintaining the confident pose he exuded for everyone.

But Mira knew him too well to know that he was probably dying inside from his mother's attempts to find out if they were dating.

Mira had already caught her staring at them during dinners, as if she just waited for one of them to slip up and let everyone know the truth, and how they had been together since April.

'I am going to France, I will not be able to, Mrs Potter.' Mira smiled sheepishly, allowing herself to look the woman in the eye for more than two seconds. Ginny was at the sink, putting the cookie dough in the baking pan, the sun at the end of the evening poured over her, making her look even more red, if that was possible.

It was like looking at a fire crackling in front of you, and while it was comforting, it still caused some apprehension. Mira grew up with Ginny Weasley-Potter as an inspiration, and she shivered just at the thought of being in the woman's kitchen, watching her bake cookies and being asked to camp with her family, in addition to dating her son, who was her best friend.

Mira was afraid to wake up and discover that it was just a dream.

'Honey, I told you, Mrs. Potter is in heaven, I'm just Ginny.'

'Mom, I don't even know how she can talk to you without passing out, already consider a victory.' James said, laughing when Mira blushed and looked at him angrily, but then smiled again at the woman who seemed to face the interaction between them too much.

'Sorry, Mrs. Po-Ginny.' She said, wanting to curse herself for being such an idiot.

'It's all right. It's a shame you can't come with us, I know James likes your company and- '

'That's it,' James jumped off the stool he was sitting on, interrupting his mother and grabbing Mira's hand. 'Come on, let's see if we can call Piper and see if he has any good gossip to tell us.' He pulled her out of the kitchen, walking towards the living room while still listening to Ginny's laughter, passing Lily lying on the couch, looking like a baby in the middle of all those pillows, watching the TV as if it were the most boring thing in the world .

She was probably hating having to live with an immobilized arm.

James continued to pull Mira up the light stairs, slightly curved and with a beautiful and elegant golden banister, the carpet was so soft it was like stepping on the clouds.

When they passed Albus' room, she could hear his and Scorpion's laughter, the door was closed - as usual - but the pair seemed to have as much fun as any other day, which made her think of how Lily was alone down there, even though she always had a group of girls hanging out with her at Hogwarts.

Maybe she should convince James to be friendlier and ask Lily to go with them to the lake when Mira comes back from the trip.

'I don't think Piper is going to have any gossip, he told me he was going to spend these days with his dad, and-'

'Mira,' James interrupted, lying on the bed and signaling her to do the same, a mischievous smile on her face. 'Of course we are not going to talk to Piper. I thought you knew me better and knew that I just want to be with you.' She laughed, amused by all that sentimentality, lying with him, but staying away and ready to get out of bed if they heard anyone. 'Closer!'

'Your mother is watching us like a Eagle and she is on the floor below, are you crazy?' She argued, huge black eyes staring at James as if it were an obvious thing. Well, it was for her

Mira had never paid any real attention to how sentimental James was and liked touching, until they dated and he always managed to find a way to be close to her.

In class, they would sit together and James would lay his head on her shoulder, or lean his leg against hers. In Quidditch, he always found some time to fly close to her and make a joke, before going up again and looking for the Snitch. In the common room, James was always lying on her legs, or sitting next to her, or somehow they could stay close.

She didn't think he even realized he was doing it, it was only natural, but it made Mira's poor heart beat faster every time.

'Why are you staring at me?' He asked.

'Where else would I look?' She smiled, her eyebrows raised in defiance.

'You could spend that time kissing me. We will not see each other for two weeks.'

'You talk like it's two years.'

'Is what it seems.' James sighed. 'Two weeks without being able to kiss you is a long time.'

'We will talk to each other every day, we have our owls, the mirror, and you can call me.' Mira suggested.

'Yeah, but I won't be able to kiss you.' James moved closer, quickly touching his soft lips to hers. 'And that is a great shame.'

'Merlin, stop being so dramatic.' Mira held his face in her hands, making James look at her again, his pupils dilated and glowing. 'I don't know how I can take you.' She kissed him, feeling him laugh against her lips, returning the kiss and making, as always, she feel like jelly.

'Because you like me, and because you are as dramatic as I am.' He smiled, breaking away from her with a kiss on the corner of her mouth. 'Hazel, you still complain about when you lost to me in the race.'

'I didn't lose, I let you win.' She defended herself, but all James did was laugh and roll his eyes.

'Here we go…'

'You can never prove otherwise.' Mira shrugged. Leaning down to kiss him again, not even remembering that they could be caught. James was just a good kisser that made her forget everything, she blamed him for that.

Nobody else said anything, they just stood there, kissing as if they were really going to be away from each other for the next two years.

Mira would never admit that she would also miss being with James too much, even if it was for two stupid weeks.

#james sirius #harry potter next generation #next gen harry potter #hp next gen #James Sirius Potter #James Sirius x OC #i love Mira #Albus Severo Potter #Lily Luna Potter #Hinny

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ziamhaze · 4 years ago

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Writer Questions

Thank you for the tag, @zqua1d!

1. When did you start writing?

Almost exactly two years ago. I’d never done any sort of individual creative writing prior to writing Compartment 451. Crazy how random that was and how much it’s changed my life.

2. What fandoms do you write for?

Exclusively 1D, specifically ziam. I’ve had people ask me if I would ever consider writing for another fandom, but I just don’t have it in me. Not now, at least. Every idea I’ve ever had (written and saved in my ideas doc) has been inspired by ziam as individuals - either because I’ve wanted to explore a specific characteristic of theirs or because I had an AU setting that I’d love to see them interact in. Can’t say I’ve had that for any other fandoms/individuals.

3. Do you write better in the morning or at night?

Night, hands down. Writing is my “full-time job”, so I can pretty much create my own hours. I go through phases, but for a majority of the year, I’m usually nocturnal. I like the darkness and the solitude. The silence is a plus, but I think it’s the ‘in my own world without distractions’ sort of thing that gets me.

4. What music do you listen to while writing?

I’ve gone through phases with this too. I wrote C451 with instrumental film soundtracks playing throughout, then with Kick, Push it was primarily lo-fi music because of Zayn’s character. Since I knew that I was going to write Z.A.Y.N. after The Prince King, I listened to a CRAZY amount of r&b during the latter. Listened to that all the way through both. As for the last three stories posted online, I don’t remember listening to anything in particular. The book that I just finished that I unfortunately can’t post, I used Korean ‘Study with Me’ videos on YT. Highly, highly, recommend. This one and this one are my two favourites. I work like crazy, so these are great if you’re like me and enjoy tracking how much you work/ can create a good schedule when you don’t have an external source (office, class, etc.) to give you one. OR, if you can’t sit down and study/write on your own accord, this would be good for you to build in breaks and good habits.

5. What do you/plan to major in at college?

Fuck, what didn’t I major in in college? I’ve got a BA in Film/TV Production Management and Geography (specifically urbanization and the middle east). Then I’ve got an MSc in Management (specifically international corporate strategy) and an MA in Creative Writing (specifically fiction, novel writing). In the Fall (unless I move to Sydney, then next Feb-ish), I’ll be starting a PhD in Creative Writing which will be looking at masculinity, ‘the city’ in the novel, and the presentation of male-centric mental health in literature. All wrapped up in a novel I’ll be writing for the program.

6. Do you write an outline before writing a story?

If you asked my workshop classmates that question, they’d just burst out laughing. It was an ongoing joke about just how much I outline/plan a story. For reference, Red vs. Black ended up being ~113k, but the outline document I had for it was about 25 pages on its own. My outlines look a lot like a VERY detailed bullet note list of points that need to be touched on in each scene. If you want a look at my lil baby one for C451, click here. This is soooo bare bones compared to what they look like nowadays, trust me. Each scene nowadays would probably have about 10x this many bullet notes and timings and all that.

7. Do you write multiple stories at one time or only focus on one?

NEVER. I have to stay with one at a time. My stories have so many tiny intricacies and details that need to be given my entire attention to unfold correctly. I fully throw myself into a story; I get lost inside the world and characters much like an actor does. I have to in order to make everything consistent and more importantly, true.

8. Do you write every day?

Yes! It may not be for a novel, it may be academic papers or applications, but I do write something every day. Also, it may not even be original writing, but I count editing sentences as writing. You have to engage your brain in a similar nature. You have to manipulate your native language and just...words. That’s writing.

9. What are your goals for your stories? (& do you want to become a published author one day?)

Well, my summer goal is to get my latest story a publishing deal. As most of you know, it’s currently sitting with Harper Collins, but I really don’t expect anything to come of that. After that (inevitable) rejection, I’ll be shopping it around to agents, so I’d say that’s my latest goal. Eventually, I want to publish Kick, Push, The Prince King, and The Heart of Him with lots and lots of rewrites. Clearly copyright would make publishing Z.A.Y.N. as it is impossible, but I think the way it’s presented and the two characters that live within it are kinda cool. I’d have to rewrite all the lyrics to be original and obviously change Zayn’s name to something that could fit with the title being an acronym. (Zain/Zayn was a true blessing for that) Plus, a lot of the magic falls with the songs that come out of their relationship and the hints that I gave to them throughout. An original song wouldn’t be something a reader could do that with. So, yeah, it’d be a stretch. With Red vs. Black, I’ve been given some professional (let’s say) advice telling me to rewrite it with a different metaphor other than superheroes. I see where he’s coming from in regards to sales and a publishing deal, but then I’ve also had another, professional (let’s say), from a different sector of the field tell me that it’s fine with storyline, but that if I’m trying to sell it in novel format, it might not work. So, that’s going to take some reworking/deep thinking on my end. And as for Customer of the Month, I’d like to adapt it as a YA book. I think the message rings the clearest for that age group. Which of course means, more rewrites beyond simple edits.

10. Favourite work of yours?

Besides the one I’ve just finished, I’d say Red vs. Black. It’s really fucking complex if you take a step back and look at it on a character level and not a ‘ziam fic’ (same with COTM. Zayn’s character in that one is actually really fucking heartbreaking). It took so much precise weaving and timing and development, that finishing it was a massive accomplishment for me. I’m glad people enjoy it, but honestly, coming out of it, I remember thinking, I don’t even care what people take from it, I’m proud of me for pulling that the fuck off. It’s got NOTHING on the book I just finished (so you can imagine the self-pride I have for that), but given the fact that I’d only been writing for a year, RvB was a huge accomplishment for me. I also really fucking loved writing Zayn’s character in that story - his humour, his turmoil, his arc. It was a massive challenge, but I actually enjoyed it and that’s huge for me.

#writer questions #my writing

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ofmythsandmadness · 5 years ago

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a favour asked like none ever before.

Fake dating. An ancient trope from the very beginning of time - or like, whenever the rom-com gods started working their movie magic. It’s tried and true, a move that always has a satisfying happy ending.

Well, at least in the movies. In the real world, it’s a suggestion that’s much more messy and complicated for any sort of good end. It’s bitter and heart-wrenching and convoluted, leading to tears and shouts and vases being thrown - or, something like that. Could this trope even ever truly work?

OR, Diego Hargreeves needs a favour unlike anything he’s ever asked for before.

WORD COUNT: 2700+. WARNINGS: A couple swear words. A super worn out trope. Possibly bad, definitely unedited writing. You know the drill. A/N: I wrote this while I was supposed to be doing my job, while scrolling through a selection of one of my favourite cliche tropes. This is just a dumb little thing I made from it. If you want a part two of this, let me know (and as well, if you want to be added to the series’ taglist, let me know, too). xx

“I NEED YOU TO DATE ME.”

Of all the things she had heard leave Diego Hargreeves lips, perhaps that was the strangest one, to date.

It was the delivery that really sold it - though the words were crazy on their own, the way he said it did not help to make it more sane a request. Him, rushing in through her window as though his ass was on fire, clutching a bag and sporting a wild look in his eyes that never meant good. And before she could even mutter a single thing about him scaring her by doing that, or even finish the yelp of surprise she never could get over, he said those very words.

“I need you to date me.”

Y/N let her shouts of indigence die in her throat, replaced instead by confusion. She watched him dump the bag on her counter and act as he normally would; grab a beer, slip his boots by the door, as though it was his place and not hers. As though he had not just said the most outrageous sentence to ever be uttered in the history of their long and convoluted friendship.

“I - n - what!?”

Diego paused in his movements, sparing her a quick glance before turning away, as though his words were not a complete oddity - enough to inspire like, a late seventies David Bowie album. “What?”

“Uh - did you just hop through my window, say ‘hey we should date’ and then proceed to ‘what’ me as if this is all normal as shit!?”

Diego frowned only then, wagging his beer bottle at her as he swallowed his gulp. “Hey, no, I did not say ‘we should date’.”

“That’s basically what you just screamed into my previously peaceful apartment.”

“There’s a huge fuckin’ difference ‘tween what I said and ‘we should date’!”

“God, I really see why you’re single now. You have no twig of romance in your body, Hargreeves, and you also make absolutely no sense at all!”

“C’mon, Y/N I really don’t want to date you.”

And all she could say to that, after a brief moment of merely blinking, was, “well, shit, thanks?”

“Ah, c’mon - I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, nah, I mean I can’t say I’m terribly eager to hop on that relationship train with you, but you don’t have to be so harsh about it. I’ll have you know, I am somewhat of a catch.”

Diego sighed and leant his weight against the wall, cradling his beer in one hand and rubbing his face with the other. “It’s just a weird thing to talk about.”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought this up, not me.”

“You got somethin’ to eat?”

“Diego, focus please.”

He threw his hands up in defense, a half-smirk just barely dusting his features. “Sorry, it’s just - look, I’ll be straight.”

“Great, please do that so I don’t combust from all this confusion,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out at his rolled eyes.

“I need a favour from you. A big one, but you owe me, so…”

“Oh, I owe you now?”

“Yeah, don’t you remember last month?”

Her hands fell to her hips, mouth agape in frustrated surprise. “Last month, when I paid you back legit the next day? Stitching your ass up at four in the morning means nothing to you now?”

“Okay, fine, yeah - I know, I ask a lot, but this...I need this. An’ it’s not like I’ve got anyone else.”

“‘That makes me feel so much better.”

He fell off the wall and moved nearer, a pout on his full lips now. His hands moved to hers, bringing them up to his own chest. “C’mon. I’ll make it up to you however you want.”

Immediately, Y/N felt a smirk grow on her face. “Oh, anything?”

“Okay, I-”

“-suddenly, I’m so much more interested,” she giggled, tugging her hands away just so she could pinch his cheeks. Diego shuddered away with a glare, only leaving her laughing harder. “Alright, alright, dummy. What do you need me for this time? Lay it on me.”

“I need you to play my girlfriend.”

Her smile remained, but it was suddenly more strained, weaker and more fake. “Uh-huh. Okay. Um....so. Just...what does that mean, exactly?”

“I need to get my siblings off my ass. They don’t shut up about it, how lonely I apparently am-”

“-I mean, I am your only friend, sweetie-”

“-an’ they keep setting me up, actin’ like they’re gonna find me my future wife. It was fine at first,” he sighed, pausing to gulp down more of his beer. “I didn’t give a shit, but now I’m losing my mind. I’ve had enough of wasting nights pretending I give a damn about people’s jobs and hobbies - you know how many people in this city who think they can sing? Cause there’s way too many a’them out there.”

Y/N chewed her lip. “I see your point, really I do, but c’mon. This is a lot. Having me as your girlfriend? That’s a lot more than just like, nightly first aid sessions.”

“I know it’s a lot, but it’s not like it’s for real.”

“We’re gonna have to pretend it’s real.”

Diego rolled his eyes and sank into her couch. “It’s not as bad as you think. I’ve got a whole plan. I tell ‘em that I’m taken, that’ll entertain them a week until I bring up the fact that it’s you. After that, we go out a couple times, do one or two dinners, and then break up maybe two months later. Simple.”

“Okay, but I don’t wanna break up with you and have things weird,” she argued, crossing her arms against her chest. Maybe it was a protective move she did not even consciously make, an attempt to hide the fact her heart was pounding harder than she thought possible. For no understandable reason, this whole concept was making her nervous - and not just because of his plan. “I don’t wanna be kicked out of your and their lives because we ‘broke up’.”

“You won’t.”

“How?”

“We’ll say we tried and it didn’t work out, that we were better as friends.” Diego shrugged, as though he was merely suggesting they order a pizza.

“Okay, sure. But do you really think we can seriously pull this off in front of them? I don’t know how we’re gonna look like n’act like a serious couple.”

The truth was, though, that they already were seen as one to the rest of the Hargreeves. And they both knew it. Every time they were remotely interacting, one of them made a sly comment, or brought up the fact that they would look ‘so cute together’. Klaus even questioned their defenses for a long while, asking if they were just together in secret and not saying anything about it. They were not, of course, but that did not stop the dysfunctional set of siblings from telling them they should get together.

In the eyes of the Hargreeves, Diego and Y/N were perfect for each other. They probably just had to look at one another to sell the idea - but neither one wanted to bring that up.

“We’ll practice. Work out a system. It’s not like we have to get married, we just gotta attend a couple dinners and parties and hold hands and shit.”

Y/N felt her lip sting, and absent-mindedly she touched at the area she had been picking at. Her finger came back spotted with red. “I don’t know, man. This is a lot. Even just a couple months - what if one of us finds somebody for real?”

“Well, then, we’ll call it quits early.”

“You sure?”

He nodded in fake seriousness, but the smirk on his lips told a different story. “Sure, if you find the love of your life in the two months we gotta do this, I’ll find you a way out.”

“Shut up,” she shot back, though she too grinned a little - it was no secret the pair had less than desirable love lives. “Don’t tease your girlfriend like that, maybe I’m sensitive.”

Just before he could give his own retort, his eyes widened in slight realisation. “Wait, for real”

“I mean...what do I have to lose?”

Diego immediately lifted off the couch and moved to her, pulling her in a tight hug not characteristic for him. She stiffened in the embrace, unsure what to do or where to put her hands. Luckily for her, the moment was over within seconds, with him pulling away and headed back into her tiny kitchen to toss his beer. She was able to breath and push away the panic that had set in with the unexpected touch, prepare herself for acting normal in the face of unknown territory.

Y/N followed him into the kitchen, pulling a beer out for herself and tossing a second one to him. “We have to make some rules, if we’re gonna do this right, though.”

“Rules?”

“Yeah. Like guidelines and shit. I know you have your so-called plan, but I’m only going to go through with this if we have a concrete system set in place.” She paused, frowning at his smile. “What?”

Diego shook his head, still grinning. “Nothing. You’re just such a teacher.”

Y/N just stuck her tongue out and turned away. “You’ll thank me for this later, if and when we get stuck in a double date with like, Allison or something.”

“Sure, sure.”

She set herself down on the couch and reached for her laptop. Diego made his way over and sank in beside her, watching as she pulled up a new word document. In big letters, Y/N typed out the title: ‘DIEGO AND Y/N’S FAKE RELATIONSHIP GUIDELINES’.

“Okay. First rule?” Her hands flew across the keyboard. “If at any point, I want out, I’m out.”

Diego nodded. “Sure. An’ vice versa.”

“Uh-huh. Alright. What else?”

“Uh...okay, we have to do a minimum of two family dinners.” The Hargreeves monthly get-togethers were already essential in both lives, a point where all siblings could reconnect under one roof again and pretend like they were a normal family. Y/N often showed up on request, but not for every one. Though that would change. “Fully committed to the relationship.”

She chewed her bottom lip as she typed, ignoring the faint metallic taste filling her mouth. It was far from the first thought in her mind, just then. “Great, fine. Should we consider behaviour? Like, what I have to do to pretend to be hopelessly in love with you?”

Diego chuckled beside her, a low rasp that made her heart twinge in a way she did not understand. “I guess the standard couple shit. Holding hands, hugs, uh-”

“-kissing?”

She heard him swallow beside her, clearly a nervous point, yet he managed to keep his voice steady. “Probably necessary.”

“Okay,” she drew out, “but like - to what extent?”

“Well, I’m not saying we have to have sex in front of them, if that’s what you mean.”

“Not at all what I’m saying, dumbass,” she retorted, slapping his leg lightly. “I just mean, what are we saying? Cheek, pecks?”

“Nothing too big. Probably the cheek is fine, headshots.”

“Headshots? What, are you’re gonna kill me with a smooch on the temple, man?”

He let out a soft ‘ha’. “I have been known to be deadly with my-”

“-you really don’t need to even bother with finishing that sentence,” she said with a smirk. Her fingers pounded the keyboard, carefully writing out her addition to the rule. “Um, I guess we don’t have to worry about our story, considering everyone already knows we’re close. What’s the situation we should say progressed us from friends to dating, though?”

Diego shrugged. “Somethin’ simple. I came over one day and you realised you just couldn’t resist my charm anymore, and had to confess your attraction to my-”

“-or,” she shot back, turning to look up at him, “you stopped by soaking wet-”

“-why would I soaking wet?”

“From the rain, don’t be gross. It was raining of course, and super late and you came by to profess your adoration for me and everything I do, begging me to take you even though I was far from in your league, that I was the prettiest girl in the world and you could never begin to tell me how much I mean to you.”

He laughed at that, but just slightly, his face reddened - though that could have been the light, Y/N mused. “Guess we’ll meet in the middle. We wanted to give it a try, and then we realised we were actually good together.”

“Sure. Just clean n’simple. Great.”

Still looking down at her through half-lidded eyes, Diego nodded. He wore a strange expression, one she could not quite read. “Works,” he mumbled back, softer than before.

Y/N tore her gaze from his and began to type again. She coughed to clear her throat, feeling a bit odd out of the blue. “Um, so, we’re probably gonna have to fake it for my sister, too. If she hears I’m with someone, even you, she’s gonna pull a whole interrogation scheme out.”

“Sure. Guess that’s fair.”

“You know she’s ruthless.”

“I can handle her.”

Y/N smiled softly. “You say that now, but...alright. Okay, so, dates, dinners, PDA, um...what are you gonna call me?”

“What d’you mean?”

She shifted on the couch so she could see him again - that time, less so right in his face. “You know, couple nicknames and what not.”

“Oh. Do we need that?”

“Well we don’t need it, but it’s probably better if we have some set up to sell the story a bit better. We don’t sound believable if I call my boyfriend ‘man’ n’shit.”

Diego stifled a yawn and swirled his bottle, watching the liquid splash within the bottle. “Okay. What do you want?”

“Nothing cheesy - if you call me honey, or something cheesy, I will punch you. Like princess n’ all that is a no go.”

He grinned. “How about precious? Angel?”

“Don’t you dare-”

“-I’m kiddin. I think I’d barf,” he said, still chuckling. “Let’s just leave that alone, I don’t think we need to worry about it.”

Y/N shrugged, glancing down to delete the rule. “Fine. But if you dare call me something garbage, I will leave you right then and there.”

“You have no faith in me,” he teased, nudging her with the bottle. She shivered, the cold sending chills down her spine. “C’mon, I think this is fine. We know each other, we’re adults, we know how to lie. I mean, I fooled you for six months into believin’ I was just wounded from boxing fights.”

She giggled at that. “Please. I knew a week into you showing up who you were. I’ve lived long enough in this city to know what was up. You’re not as good of a liar as you think - I don’t think you can keep a thing from me, honestly.”

Diego grinned and mumbled something at that, something she could not quite catch, but she let it go. “Fine. Whatever. The rules are fine.”

“Exactly.” She cleared her throat and adjusted the screen, ready to read them aloud. “Okay, here is the extensive list of guidelines for Diego and Y/N’s fake relationship, always subject to change or additions.

At any point, either person in the relationship can ask to leave and break off the arrangement, REGARDLESS of time and place. There must be a good reason.

PDA wise, hand holding, embraces, kisses to the cheek or head, respectable touches and actions are all fine.

Kissing is fine if the situation requires it, but only the necessary amounts.

Stick with the story - we decided to try being a couple, went on a date and decided to go forward and now we’re together (subject to revision).

A required two Hargreeves family dinners need to be completed in order to fulfill the relationship - not including any separate, smaller occasions that may arise. As well, there must be a meeting of Y/L/N’s sister in order to fulfill the agreement.

A minimum of two months is required for the relationship (unless there is reason to withdraw, see first rule).

No stupid cheesy couple pet names.

No actually falling for the other person.

At the last one, Diego frowned. “What is number six about?”

“Oh, come on, it’s not serious,” she grinned. “But you know how this shit goes. In rom-coms, they always fall for each other and things get messy.”

“This isn’t a movie.”

“No shit, Sherlock. But it’s funny and it’s just a stupid rule.” She paused to poke at him teasingly. “What, you looking to marry me after all this?”

He rolled his eyes. “I just mean it’s unnecessary, but fine.”

“Great. I’ll give you a copy of this, just to consult if you ever forget.”

“Thanks so much,” he shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Is that it, then?”

Y/N slammed her laptop down and in response, lifted her beer bottle to meet his. “I believe that makes it official...boyfriend.”

He laughed as the glass clinked. “Fantastic...girlfriend.”

“Jeez,” she grumbled, downing a swig before finishing the softly spoken thought. “That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“Tell me about it.”

The two then fell into a funny silence, staring away from one another and sipping at their beers, both at a loss for words. It seemed as though just then, the situation had sunk in for the pair and they had no idea what to say to their now (albeit fake) partner. All they could do was stare at the ground and wall respectively and silently wonder, just what the hell they had gotten themselves into.

#diego hargreeves #diego hargreeves oneshot #diego oneshot #diego hargreeves x reader #diego x reader #fake dating #diego hargreeves is a secret sap #the umbrella academy #tua x reader #the umbrella academy x reader #diego hargreeves fic

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traumatized-motherfuckers · 4 years ago

Text

CPTSD relationship patterns on repeat

Listen wherever you stream, search “complex trauma” and subscribe. Or, find episodes, blog posts, and a private support community at t-mfrs.com

.............................................................................................................................

Things I’ve gotten good at throughout this Trauma journey:

Seeing connections between where I’m from and where I am

Thinking for the first time about where I’m going

Letting myself have emotions

Letting those emotions go

Redirecting my energy and attention away from ruminating

Being accountable for my own feelings

Being accountable for times of being a shithead

Listening and validating other humans

Listening and validating myself

Recognizing what circumstances do/don’t work for me

Realizing how my codependency plays with relationships

Letting go of self-hate inner critic talk

Reframing events with reasonable views

Accepting myself, even when I first want to thrash myself

Semi-consistently caring for myself

Setting realistic boundaries and goals

Sleeping

Things I’m still shitty at:

Letting my overwhelm skew reality

Anxious self-slave-driving

Being a snarky turd when my head is overloaded

Taking on other people’s energies and emotions

Trusting myself in all areas of life

Forming healthy relationships.

Okay, it’s that last one that has me most perpetually fighting feelings of panic and doom.

This seems like an apt way to kick off the new year. I think a lot of us have questions about relationships and would like to improve our operations in 2021. I can also tell you, this one is extremely appropriate looking back at the last year of my life.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past few spins around the sun has been how romance does - and definitely doesn't - fit into my life. I think 2020 was particularly packed full of important lectures and pop quizzes, many of which I failed. It felt like knowing that the correct answer was C, but finding my hand filling in the circle for A every time, anyways.

This is a terrible ideaaaa... and I'm doing it. Pause for about 2 months. Now I'm upset that it was a terrible idea.

Yeah, it's been great. But I have no one to blame but myself. Because as much as I've worked on this trauma management life of mine, I haven't done a good job of working on the relationship aspect of it. I've let my usual patterns dominate. And that's what needs to be examined today.

I mean. Can someone tell me about healthy relationships in functional terms? What IS that even?

Look, I’m not hoping that someone will pop up and share some, “mutual respect, good communication, trust, support, care, similar goals, similar beliefs…” sort of shit. I fucking KNOW about the idealistic, flowery terms that all the light-hearted couples counselors recommend establishing for a happy relationship. I get it.

I’m not ignorant when it comes to the ways humans should interact. I’ve had enough experience with friendships and relationships, alike, to understand the basics of person-to-person interactions. I know I talk about myself like I’ve been a feral child locked in a cage for 20 years, but the truth is that if you met me on the streets I’d probably seem like a normal, well-adapted, personable human being. That Leo Ascendant component of my personality tricks people into actually thinking I’m an extrovert who wants attention. (Hilarious, explains a lot of comments I’ve gotten in my past)

Nah, I’m not asking for the trite descriptions of a healthy partnership that everyone who’s ever been friends on a basic girl’s Facebook has seen before in cursive writing on top of a washed-out pink-tinted field. Those are empty sounding words that I don’t believe most couples manage to put into action, no matter how many selfies they take together or labradoodles they adopt.

For me, Fuckers, the mystery isn’t, “in a fairytale world, how do two humans interact to have a lifelong bliss factory?” Respect, trust, appreciation, mutual understanding… blah blah blah. What the fuck ever.

The real question is how.

And, shit, let me just be honest with all of you - not just the Patrons who’ve already heard my personal bitching - it’s on my mind because I did a thing I definitely should not have… recently, I got into a new romantic relationship that I definitely was not looking for. I’ll spare you all the details today, but know that I’ve entered it kicking and screaming, and it’s caused me a lot of grief already.

Let the life shittery begin! Can’t wait to be destroyed.

Today, I want to bring this personal fire burning in my gut into the podcast. Motherfuck me, if it hasn’t become difficult to ignore… plus, I know that a lot of us Traumatized folks are in a similar boat when it comes to relationship confusion, unhealth, and destruction. So let’s just count the ways that I have no idea how to do this right and I’m destined to be let down by my poor choices.

This time around, I'm bringing you a list of all the ways I tend to fuck things up with other humans. In part, due to Complex Trauma. In other part, probably due to my own personal shortcomings. Listed in no particular order. On a later date, I'm going to be revisiting a lot of these patterns as I examine how early life set a lot of us up for a lot of abuse acceptance in greater detail. Stick around for those continuations on romantic disaster, if this sounds like you, too.

I'm talking about:

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists, and addicts

Emotional codependency

Mistrust

… That turns into willful blind belief of their words

Inadequacy

Parenting analogues

Authority figures & disappointment

Misdirected commitment

Learned helplessness

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists and addicts

Who has bad taste in partners? Over and over and over again? It’s me! And probably a lot of you.

Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe they’ve been wonderful guys who just didn’t mesh well with my inner or outer world… but I can tell you, there have been some similarities, and they don’t bode well for a happy future together.

You know me by now. Difficulty connecting with “normal” humans, no interest in small talk, a huge fan of deep emotional honesty, a bit gritty and assholeish, tends to be repelled by anything too widely embraced by the general public, definitely comes with a difficult past, fears of the future, and ongoing challenges in the present.

So, who do you think I get along with? Ivy leaguers with stable, supportive families, an optimistic outlook, and a 20-year plan? Or equally messy and complex humans with a set of neuroses handed down from their unexamined early traumas that make them similarly bitter and disillusioned with life? Just… probably hidden from immediate sight.

Grown men who’ve responsibly built a life for themselves with ambition, personal insight, and balance? Or man-children who’re still figuring out that they can’t drink every night of the week if they want to be functional in life and financially sound? But... with their addictions hidden behind “an appreciation for fine whiskies” or a necessity to sample the craft beer they brew.

Independent, confident humans who have no problem running their own world like a boss and trust that I’m capable of doing the same, with integrity and respect? Or distrustful turds who need me to be in their sight, half-directing their lives at all times unless I’m aiming to be accused of cheating, lying, and being unable to care for myself? Only… they hide their controlling and aggressive tendencies behind go-with-the-flow facades in the beginning.

If you guessed “B” in all three examples, you are correct!

Plus... so, so many musicians. Like, the last 6 of them have either subscribed to guitar or drum camp. And that hasn't been a purposeful decision - those are just the men I get along with until we hate each other.

It's always a rapid connection, a mutual respect for our interests in the arts, and a shared shitty attitude that starts out directed at the world and ends directed at each other. So many emotions. So many ups and downs. So many proclamations of "I can't live without you!" until the day we run in opposite directions and never look back.

Is that a coincidence? Or are all musical folk a bit wild? I hate to generalize, but I can tell you with great amusement that if you start typing "Are all musicians..." into Google, it will autocomplete with "cheaters, narcissists, and crazy." It also suggests "rich," but I can tell you for a fact that isn't true. The narcissist thing... uh.... very well might be correct. But I'll leave that for someone else to study.

So, I don't know what to make of this trend. There do seem to be some commonalities between the musicians in my past life - and they do seem to be categorized by the instrument of choice. For instance, drummers are never concerned with my time, and guitarists are emotional catastrophes. But what do I know? Can't make sweeping conclusions... I, at least, need a larger sample size. With my track record, I'm sure I'll have the numbers soon enough.

Congratulations if you predicted nothing but unstable disasters in my past. It's true, I’m an idiot. Okay, that’s not fair. No inner critic talk. Get out of here, Pam and Karen.

The fact of the matter is, I am a terrible judge of character when I start sensing a connection. I tend to connect with people who have complicated lives and inner worlds, just like I do. And from what I can tell, that is always my downfall.

Challenging connections

Let’s go ahead and chalk this one up to never having close connections or support growing up.

You know what I always wanted, hoped for, and idealized as a kid? Someone loving me. Another human actually understanding my weirdness and signing on for more. The idea of a human who wanted to know what I thought and felt. The option of spending time with someone and feeling cared for. Also, somebody finding me attractive, instead of being repulsed by my ass-length ginger hair, flat chest, dorky hand-me-downs, bleach-stained horse sweaters, and buck teeth... also would have been a dream come true.

I’m pretty sure that growing up lonely didn’t help me in any regard when it came to my later-in-life relationship problems. Starving for connection apparently puts you in a state of deprivation, where you’re likely to think anything is better than the empty feeling inside. You know, just for the rest of your life or so.

To this day, if I meet someone and we’re able to converse without abundant clarifications or apologies for the prickly things that come out of my mouth as dry humor or unbendable opinions… we’re on a roll. If we can connect over shared perspectives on humans, life, and psychology… things are getting more serious. If we can honestly talk about the ways we’re horrible to ourselves and joke about our shared challenges in figuring out what the point of this shitty slip-and-slide of life is about… uh oh, this might be a real connection.

And so, it makes sense that I connect with all the most complicated people you’d ever meet. And we connect INTENSELY. I’m complicated, myself, and I look for folks who can accept it without their heads exploding. I’m never going to be happy holding conversations with Sports Bar Joe or Pretty Boy Blaine. They’re never going to understand the internal strife that dominates my world. I’m never going to understand how they can be all *happy,* *close with their families,* and *laid back about life.*

Gross. I can’t even say the words.

But give me the angstiest, most anxious, most misunderstood dude on the block, and we’re likely to get along swimmingly. We’ll talk over beers until the birds start to chirp. We’ll joke in our native tongues, playing with words, obscure references, and dry humor as if we’ve known each other for 25 years. We’ll share secrets about our tumultuous inner worlds and the ways that we can’t seem to get our heads on straight enough to keep our ships on course.

And the next thing you know, we’ll be incestuously connected with a somewhat false sense of intimacy that erupts out of the gates. “No one has ever understood me the way you do. I can really be myself around you. I’ve never had such easy conversations about this shit before.”

… That’s about the point when I lose all perspective. There’s a tunnel running from my face to this dude’s heart. I stop seeing things for what they are. I project a kinder, gentler, more well-intended personality on the subject of my feels. I quickly turn a blind eye to all the shit they’re doing that I wholeheartedly hate or otherwise cause my red flags to be unpacked.

I feel like I know them, inside and out. I feel like I can help them - like we can help each other - to sort through this dumb world we’ve been born into and all the circumstances holding us back. A real Sid and Nancy storyline emerges. No one gets him like I do. If only they could see the things I see. We’re just two broken souls who found each other, a little rough around the edges, but we see the diamonds underneath. And we’re in this battle together from now on.

Yeah, right.

Sooooo… This is how I wind up with the unpredictable narcissists who seem like nice guys, the secret addicts who keep their substance abuse hidden from everyone, and the emotional abusers who are ready to leverage my mental health admissions against me the first time they get the chance. Dudes who have highly emotional worlds and no idea how to deal with them. Men who don’t want to explore their own shortcomings and instead choose avoidant courses in life.

And, again, the musicians. So, so many musicians. I really am coming to think that they’re the most fucked up people of all - and that's saying a lot coming from me. Generally speaking, I've seen that there’s no sense of personal responsibility, an obsession with themselves, and a hidden inferiority complex that turns them into bitchy little dogs when they feel threatened. What’s with that, anyways? Can you guys try to be more original in your plight to be the most original?

Okay, anyways. Sorry to keep dragging on musicians.

The point is, my attempts at relationships start out on the wrong foot. Choosing the wrong partner is a pretty surefire way to dash all hopes for those fluffy ideals I mentioned earlier. No one is going to respect me, listen to me, or support me when they’re too busy dealing with their own alcoholism, abandonment issues, and narcissistic flailings… or, not dealing with them, to be more specific.

We aren’t going to be able to work through things when they’re consumed with being the king of the world, hiding from all negative emotions, and trying to keep their head away from analysing their own actions. Hell, it’ll be difficult to even find the time for serious talks, since they’re so busy traveling to band practices, hustling away for barely-paying gigs, and staring at their social media while they count the ways they’re victims of the universe.

Choose imbalanced, mentally ill, self-serving partners… get unhealthy, controlling, unpredictable relationships. Pretty goddamn obvious. And yet, I still can never seem to see the full picture of the human who’s caught my attention through the fog that’s created by the connection of our shared dysfunctions.

I guess this is where that, “love yourself and get yourself healthy first,” sentiment comes into play, so the connections don’t continue to be as disasterious as your personal experience is. Hopefully I’m on the right path in my own journey, at least. Also, a lot less starved for connection. I got y’all Motherfuckers in the Discord community, for starters. And I’ve become determined to live a life where I support myself and rely on no one outside of Archie’s snuggles, for finishers.

Step one: Be careful about who you deem a good person, just because you can share self-deprecating jokes about being nutjobs and similar musical interests. Learn to choose someone who isn’t an even trashier trash human than you are. It’s a start.

Emotional codependency

Hand in hand with forming connections that include deep emotional outpourings and admissions of all the dark things we hide from the light at our office jobs… comes codependency.

I’ve said it before and let me say it again… I didn’t understand codependency until very recently.

In my mind, it was akin to those creepy couples who won’t leave the house without each other, have the same friends, interests, and opinions on everything... and possibly wear matching cat shirts. Those people who never spend time with other humans because they're too busy being shoved up their partner’s ass. The folks who call to check in on each other throughout the day when they’re at work. Gag. Particularly, I imagined those pathetic girls who cry when their boyfriend is out of sight and post 12 pictures a day of them together.

Rightfully, I scoffed and insisted that I didn't have problems with codependency. That’s not me. But it turns out, this view isn’t quite right, so much as I was being an uninformed asshole.

Codependency doesn’t mean you’re a needy, incapable human being who sucks the life power out of someone else, like I used to think. Codependency is a two-way relationship defined by poor boundaries and non-existent emotional regulation. Two humans who see their experiences as one, all the way down to how they feel and how they deal with how they feel. (i.e. turning to their significant other for comfort and emotional control in a time of need instead of working through it by themselves). Relationships where the emotions are transferred from party to party until it's unclear who’s bringing what dish to the gathering. Waking up not knowing how your day is going to be, because it depends on how someone else feels about theirs. Emotional enablement city.

Oh, yeah, when you put it like that, I definitely have issues with codependency.

For me, the codependency is largely going to be emotional. In the past, I didn’t know how to have a relationship of any sort without having a third influence in the mix. There was the person, myself, and our shared emotions... that often called more shots than either of us did.

Because I tend to be on the empath scale (although I do everything I can to fight it out of defense), I think I’m naturally tuned into other people’s emotional and energetic states, for better or for worse. When someone walks into the room with a bad vibe, I feel it to my core. I become so uncomfortable that I take it on myself to try to “fix” the problem for them, and in doing so, I avoid the negative sensation, myself. This is negative reinforcement, if anyone wanted to ABA with me.

That being said, clearly if my boo is having a hard time… it’s not okay. They’re in a shit place and therefore so am I. I must do whatever I can to make it better. To sit down and talk in circles with them, if that’s what relieves some of their tension. To commiserate about how unfair the circumstances are. To validate the negativity that they’re projecting and wallowing in.

Don’t worry though, this goes the other way, too. In the past, I have fully expected my romantic partners to alleviate any inner discomfort that I’ve felt. If I was having a low-down day, I wanted them to cheer me up. If I was full of anxiety, I wanted them to find a way to release it. If I was frustrated with a work situation or coworker, I wanted them to be as angry and indignant as I felt.

So… I guess that doesn’t even sound too off-base to me, at least not when I’m leaning on my teenage expectations of what relationships are supposed to be. In my head, it was always completely ideal that I would wind up with someone who could essentially read my thoughts and comfort me like my family never did. I just wanted someone who would be by my side, thinking about me all the time, and working double time to make sure I was keeping my depression and anxiety on the up-and-up. Is that too much to ask? Uh… yeah, it is.

Maybe in a fairytale love story like the ones I saw in teenage romance movies growing up, this is the perfect way for two broken misfits to interact. “We’re both so damaged and hurt that no one has ever really seen us - but now we have each other to lick our shared wounds.” Yeah, romantic. Also really fucked up and dangerous in the real world.

The problem is, after a few months of this, it gets pretty hard to determine what’s my experience and what’s yours. The emotions become so transitive that it can be invigorating, immersive, overwhelming, and exhausting to be in each other’s company, depending on the day and the event. Living together or essentially sharing a residence makes it much worse - there’s no physical barrier between us, so that emotional barrier is even less existent. We don't have to try to text about our woes, we can just unleash them the moment we step foot in the door. Ready or not, your night is about to be ruined by my day, and vice-versa.

How does this go wrong? Uh, let’s count the ways.

1. My emotional management was never up to par, in the first place. Having your feelings catapulted my way effectively pushes me off the balance beam that I was already wobbling on. If I was having a difficult day but holding it together on my own through coping techniques and reasonable thinking - fucking forget it, that’s over now. We’re both in a shitty state now. Great. In the context of trying to recover from mental health issues… yeah, it’s a fucking disaster. Being retriggered by your partner or sucked into a depressive undertow when you’re trying to make positive change is a losing battle.

2. I never learned how to cope with my own emotions. There was generally someone else for me to hurtle them at, and our subsequent hours of bitching would give me the comfort I was looking for. I didn’t need to learn to manage my feelings - I always had a glorified babysitter to keep me alive. I never had to be accountable for my inner world. I never had to look at things with logic or reason. I could let myself spiral and trust that my best friend or boyfriend would catch me before I slipped down the drain.

3. It becomes impossible to talk about issues - personal or shared. When you’re already sharing emotions there’s an explosive effect when conflict is brought up. Neither one of us knows how to handle our shit, we expect the other person to hold us up with kid gloves, annnd now that person is the source of my distress? We’re both completely beside ourselves, upset, hurt, and angry… and it’s towards each other? Now who the fuck do we call? There's a huge sense of confusion and betrayal. No one has the skills to de-escalate the argument or return to a normal emotional state.

4. How do you break up when half of your existence is in the body of another human? You can’t mentally or emotionally separate yourself from them. Physically separating yourself feels like ripping out a few of your organs and leaving them on the streets. And, who’s going to keep you afloat when you’re going through the pain of the break up? That’s the job of your partner, afterall… can’t have a vacant desk sitting here. It’s best to just suck it up and stick with it. No one would understand what you’ve both been through together, anyways.

In a word, that’s codependency.

Not what people think it is. Not what our culture describes it as. Not so easy to spot until you’re educated and honest with yourself… plus, probably viewing things through the lenses of hindsight.

Definitely a sneaky recipe for disaster when you let it take over a well-intended, emotionally transparent, highly connective relationship. And, Motherfuckers, I’ve always tended to.

Head to t-mfrs.com for more!

#cptsd #healcptsd #just cptsd things #cptsdsurvivor #cptsdwarrior #cptsd problems #cptsd romance #trauma #ptsd #childhood ptsd #childhoodtraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma #relationships

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sherlockfanficwriting · 5 years ago

Text

Sherlock “Tragically Taken” (x reader)

Summary - Being Sherlock’s sister has gotten you a lot of attention, but not all of it is good. Jim Moriarty was always obsessed with you, but one day he takes it too far. How do you get yourself out of his grasp? Will Sherlock be there for you?

Warnings - Angst, violence

A/N - hello guys sorry I have been slow but I have been busy, truly. I loved writing this because as you know angst is my specialty. I am still doing your requests and I am trying to get some ideas of my own. Send me some more and be patient I know I am a snail...but enjoy the story of these wonderful men and the sister. You guys like the idea of a more humane sister and I do too, if you wanna see more request some! :) @fanfictionsilove @bakerstreethound @redheaded-hobbit @theartisticscientistsworld @dancezwithwolvez I forgot my tag list hehe

“Sherlock, I know!” You said to your brother, running ahead of him.

“No, (Y/N), really!” Sherlock sped up to you. You were walking with him on the bustling London streets after getting finished with a case.

Sherlock grabbed your shoulder and spun you around. “I-I’m sorry.” You laughed at him, causing him to look confused.

“I’m not mad at you for losing my watch, christ. You are way too gullible.” You loved playing with Sherlock. Quite often, being torn between loving him one minute and hating him the next, you were confused by the ambivalence of your feelings. Playing with him was one way to balance it out.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Sherlock said as you continued walking on with a huge smile on your face. He knew that your smile often had ambiguous meanings.

“Okay, so where are we going?” Sherlock asked.

“Scotland yard first. Greg wants to meet us.”

“Just making sure you remembered,” he said, standing over the curb, waving his hands for a taxi. One came speeding by and you hopped in it, pushing your brother over, causing him to lightly punch you. Ever since you were young kids you were always fighting with each other.

“Scotland Yard.” Sherlock told the driver as he zoomed away. You looked out the window at all the shops and buildings, examining all the people - one of the spectacular traits you had with your brother, although you argued you were far more intelligent. You were also more human than your brother. You had loved someone before and quite frankly, you act like a normal human. You also felt emotions - something that you valued a lot.

“What do you think he’s going to tell us?” You asked Sherlock.

“Something serious, probably.”

The taxi slowed down to a halt in front of Scotland Yard and you left first, leaving Sherlock to pay.

“Really? Third time this week!” He said, getting out of the car.

“Be a gentleman,” you said, laughing with him. You walked inside with Sherlock. Noticing Anderson near a front desk, you approached him. Leaving him no time to greet you, you asked him, “Where’s Lestrade?”

“Down that hall. Third door to the right. (Y/N), I didn-.”

“Great, thanks!” Sherlock said, carrying your arm with him, almost tripping you. His legs were twice as long as yours. You turned around and waved at Anderson, winking at him, which caused him to blush. You didn’t like Anderson but you were always polite and willing to talk if he wanted, unlike Sherlock who was always like this. Also, you knew that everyone adored you...you weren't sure why, but it was probably the likable personality. You walked down the hall and into Lestrade’s room without knocking. He was scribbling down something on a paper.

He looked up at the two of you and stood up. “About time!”

“What happened?”

“He’s back.” He opened a drawer and pulled out about three papers with pictures on them. “There he is.”

You bent over to see them and you saw him. Moriarty. He was walking around somewhere, god knows doing what.

“He’s going to do something.” Lestrade said.

“It’s not going to be good.” Sherlock added.

You looked at them. Sherlock was worried and so was Lestrade. It was obvious. You tried to stay calm. You heard of the crimes this man committed, but you never studied his cases much or interacted with him, like Sherlock did.

“Do you have security around?” Sherlock asked.

Lestrade nodded. “They’re everywhere, but you wouldn’t know. We can’t risk this man bombing a building or a mass shooting somewhere. I wouldn’t be surprised. He could do anything.”

“Have any clue where he is?”

Lestrade shook his head. “That’s where you help us.” He picked up the papers with Moriarty on them and handed them to Sherlock. “I know where he is, we have people there right now.”

Sherlock examined the pictures and said, “We’ll go. Right now.” He walked out of the door and Lestrade followed. He turned around to look at you and asked, “(Y/N), we could use you. Aren’t you coming?”

You gave him a smile but shook your head. “Not now. I’ll probably stop by soon. I have to do something.”

He smiled at you and jogged out of the room to catch up to Sherlock. You began walking out the other direction for an exit. You weren’t in the mood at all to go with them. You didn’t know why, but you just were. You needed a break - something like that. Time to think. Plus, you were scared of Moriarty. It was almost as if he was everywhere.

He doesn’t even know me

You shook off your paranoia and held your head high, the feeling of fear slowly abating from you as you walked. For a few mere minutes, you walked along blank hallways of Scotland Yard. You had no idea where you were. The closed white doors looked the same as well as the floors. You walked to a near door and stood on your tiptoes, trying to peer inside. You couldn’t see anything, so you opened the door. You stepped inside to pure blackness of a desolate room. The door shut behind you, leaving you alone. You were curious where you were and ran your hands along the wall, searching for a light. You groaned and tried to look for the door. You felt it, but something was odd.

No handle

You tried pushing the door, but it didn’t budge. You took a few steps behind, when suddenly someone wrapped their arm around your waist forcefully, dragging you back. You screamed, but they pressed their hand over your mouth, obscuring the sound. You were panicking. Who did this? You couldn’t see anything, which made the matter even worse. You tried kicking whoever this was and succeeded, but then they squeezed the skin on your abdomen, hard, causing you pain. You felt them walk backward, but you didn’t feel the floor. Your legs were barely touching it. All of a sudden you felt your body slowing down. Your thoughts processed at the rate of a normal human. Your energy drained as your body slumped in their grasp.

----------------

You quickly opened your eyes and darted up from the ground. You looked around the room you were in, examining each and every part of it.

Scotland Yard

You were still here, just in a different room. You tried to get up but noticed your legs were tied together tightly as where your wrists. You felt minimal pain in your stomach and suddenly remembered what happened before. It was quite clear you were kidnapped and you knew it would be hard to get yourself out of this.

“Hello!” You cried out. You heard footsteps approaching nearby and suddenly the door in front of you swung open. There he was. Moriarty. You didn’t know you could feel this scared, until now. Fear pumped through your body, but you made sure not to show it. He walked up to you with a wide smile and crouched down to you.

“How did you sleep?” He asked.

You looked at him, puzzled. “Why am I here? Why did you do this to me?”

He pursed his lips. “Because I can.” He placed his hand around your chin, pulling it up to him and then he ran his fingers through your hair. You let him. You didn’t have a choice, but you didn’t want to be on his bad side. He grabbed your neck and pressed his lips against yours hard. You didn’t do anything. You just let him.

“You are so pretty.”

“Thank you.” You said blankly, showing no emotion.

“I’m surprised you’re related to Sherlock.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’re different. I know it. I’ve seen it. You’re an anomaly among your siblings. You can feel all the emotions. He has yet to prove to me he feels them. You possess an everlasting intelligence that others would die for.”

“I guess I do.”

“Since you’re related, you know about Sherlock. You know everything.”

“A-about what?”

He walked up to you and lost the smile from his face. “Everything. You’re going to tell me where he is right now first.”

You thought for a moment. “Where you were seen earlier. It was by an alley.”

“You’re not lying?”

“I’m not,” you said candidly.

“What does he know about me?”

“I don’t know. That you’re dangerous?”

He laughed madly. “Oh really? That’s it?” Suddenly he kicked your leg, causing you to wince in agony. “You’re bad at lying.”

“I-I’m not.” You said. He kicked you again, this time in your stomach. You were sure he broke a rib along with a bruise. You were helpless.

“If I knew something, I would tell you. I’m serious.”

“What crimes did your other brother have to save him from?”

Crimes?

You didn’t know all of them. Which were they? He forcefully tilted your head to face him.

“Answer me.”

“He shot someone. I don’t know who.”

Moriarty slapped your face and wrapped his hands around your neck. You felt tears escape from your eyes. You didn’t want him to hurt you. You didn’t want this. You didn’t want to die. His grip tightened on your neck.

“You’re useless. You’re lying.” He squeezed your neck tighter, constricting any air you took in. You looked into his eyes. They were fierce, full of danger. He released his hands, causing you to slump to the floor.

“Useless.”

You prayed Sherlock was coming to get you. Someone. You didn’t know the time and hours could have passed since you last talked to them. They had to have known something happened.

---------------

“I know, something happened” Sherlock screamed at Lestrade. He closed his eyes, trying to think fast.

“She was last at Scotland Yard. She had to do something somewhere and said she was coming soon.”

“Hours have passed! She says that when she doesn’t want to come.”

Lestrade scratched his head. “We can go check.”

“Something happened. She wasn’t mad. Someone bad. Dangerous. Call Anderson, have him look at cameras everywhere. Now.”

----------------

Moriarty paced around the door, pondering about something. You eased yourself back up. The pain wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t pleasant. You could endure it.

“Is Sherlock inspired by me?”

The question caught you off guard. Inspired? Is this guy a joke? What answer did he want to hear or was this a trick question?

“In some ways.”

He directed his gaze over to you. “How?”

“You’re relatively discreet and don’t let anyone stop you.” At this point you were making things up. You only knew he was a bad person, but you didn’t know the specifics. Just by spending however long it was with him, you knew nobody stopped him or got in his way.

“Is he coming for you?”

“He doesn’t know where I am.”

He walked over to you, causing your body to shake from fear. “Answer my question.”

“Yes.”

Moriarty strained his neck left and right. “Well in that case, we wait.” He placed his hand in his pocket. “This is going to be good.” He pulled out a gun. Your heart dropped. You couldn’t be this dumb to think he wouldn’t carry one.

“I suppose I’ll untie you. I’m sure you want to die feeling free.” He pulled out a small knife and cut the wires over your body. It didn’t feel much relieving to you knowing that you might die at any time. You didn’t budge.

“How much do you value your life?”

“A lot.” It was true. You loved your life. You didn’t deserve this.

“That’s too bad.” He walked up to you, pulling your chin up to face him. “Too bad such a beauty has to die.”

All of a sudden you heard fast footsteps accompanied by the door bolted open. Your heart raised. You saw Sherlock, Lestrade, and three other men standing there. Moriarty’s facial expression didn’t change. The gun was still pointed ever so slightly at you. Sherlock looked worried, sad, and angry. It killed you to see him like this, but you knew it killed him too.

“Moriarty, you don’t have to do this.”

“That’s funny, but I do.”

“No - stop! You don’t. What do you need?”

“Her.”

Moriarty moved his hand near the trigger but all of a sudden opened his mouth to pull it. Sherlock eased back as did the others, but at the last moment he swung it over to you, shooting you. The shot was followed by another. You didn’t believe it. You were actually shot. Was this really happening to you?

“(Y/N)!” Sherlock cried, rushing over to you. You looked at your stomach. Blood formed a large circle through your white blouse. You looked up at Sherlock, who wrapped his arm around your back and placed a firm hand on your stomach. You felt the pain from the bullet immensely as it tore through your skin.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You’re going to be fine okay?” He hugged you and squeezed your hand.

“I’m not. This is it for me.” His face dropped when you said this.

“Don’t say that. It’s not. You’re just feeling pain. This was all my fault.” You didn’t know how you knew you were going to die, but you just knew it. It was an unusual feeling, the blood pouring from your stomach quickly. The energy draining from you.

“Don’t blame yourself. This had nothing to do with you. Tell Mycroft too.”

“No. This wasn’t your fault. I love you. I love you so much. You can’t leave me.” His voice quivered. You stared into his eyes, now pouring tears.

“I love you too. I had an exciting life with you. So many memories.” Your eyelids felt heavy and it was getting difficult to talk. You closed them.

“Just hold on a little longer.” Sherlock turned around to face Lestrade who mouthed something to him. Something bad.

“I love you.”

Your eyelids were completely relaxed now. You felt Sherlock trying to shake you. Your thoughts processed slower. You felt the process start. Your heart slowed down. Your movements slowed. You heard Sherlock crying for you. He wrapped his arm around you tighter. He screamed for you, trying to wake you up.

Those were the last things you heard, following with the inhuman agonizing cry of a man who just lost someone that meant the world to him. He vowed himself to protect you, but his actions proved useless.

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wellthatjusthappend · 5 years ago

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In your divorce au, what's jason and dick's son's name? also can we see a bit more interaction with the kid? also also could we have insecure jason being reminded of dick all over the place? sorta missing him but also being mad at him? Sorry I know that's a lot packed into one request... feel free to just answer the name part.

No worries! I like questions :)

Their son is Thomas Grayson (Tommy for sort). I know that in canon he’s supposed to be Dick/Kori’s kid, but since he grows up to be the next Red Hood... potential and all, you know? For some reason I’ve found I have a thing about making brand new fan-babies. It’s fun, but it’s always a little distracting for me.

But enough of that, on to the story!

It was weird as hell living in the manor again.

Alfred had moved him into a suite in the guest wing that had an attached room for his son to sleep in. Jason would rather he had his own apartment in the city, but his funds had dwindled from years of not working and he didn’t think he could support them. He was less than thrilled about having to share a roof with Bruce again, even if their relationship had improved slightly since Tommy was born. Didn’t mean that he wasn’t a little pissed when Bruce started taking over and detailing out every aspect of his life after he moved out of he and Dick’s old place.

It felt like he’d moved out of one controlling Alpha’s house to another’s.

Still, Jason did his best not to pick fights with the man. He wasn’t dumb; he knew Bruce was one of the few reason’s he was hanging on to custody of his son.

“Going to the zoo!” Tommy bounded in, “Hurry papá! Going to the zoo!”

“Tomorrow,” Jason ephized, helping getting shoes on his son’s feet, “We’re going to the zoo tomorrow.”

“But you said one more sleep!” insisted Tommy, wiggling unhelpfully.

Ah, Jason realized his mistake. But...

“Did you sleep at nap time?”

“Yes!”

“Really? So if I go ask Alfred…”

“No!”

“Hmm,” Jason grinned as he set the little boy on his feet, “early bedtime tonight?”

“Zoo tomorrow!” Tommy said flushing.

“Zoo tomorrow,” Jason agreed.

“Will daddy be there?” Tommy asked, and Jason felt like the bottom had dropped out of his stomach.

“No.”

“But daddy’s going to show me the elephants,” Tommy said blinking up at him without comprehension, “he promised.”

Jason wondered how long ago that was.

“We’ll still go find the elephants,” Jason promised, “Maybe we can get elephant popcorn too.”

“Elephant popcorn!” Tommy cheered and Jason breathed out a sigh of relief. Sometimes Tommy got into a one track mind and could not be derailed. ‘Daddy’’s broken promise to show him the elephants still had the potential to be a full blown meltdown later on though.

Jason sighed and trailed behind his son as the little boy tried to run “super super fast!” down the halls of the Manor. Every day his steps became less of awkward stomping steps and more confident strides.

Even if he did still wipe out on the floor pretty regularly.

“Cookies!” Tommy announced excitedly when they reached the kitchen.

“Only if you eat all of your dinner, Master Tommy,” Alfred said sternly moving them out of reach.

“Why don’t you show Grandpa how good you can kick your ball outside?” Jason suggested, spotting Bruce peaking in the doorway.

“Oh, I’d be happy to-” Bruce began, his eyes getting that misty edge they always got whenever Jason told Tommy to call him Grandpa. Jason himself sort of found it funny, even if Bruce had ever really been much of a father to him or Dick, but he wasn’t unaware of what it meant to the man that Jason would consider them all family now.

“Lets go,Letsgo!” Tommy said tugging Bruce out the backdoor.

“I can’t decide if you’re being kind or enjoy watching Master Bruce fail to keep up with a child’s exuberance,” Alfred said mildly as Jason joined him at the counter to help with dinner prep.

“A little of both?” Jason snickered, keeping an eye on the two out the window, “Bruce is even worse with small children than Dickie-”

Jason cut himself off and looked away, swallowing thickly.

“Have you given any more thought to Master Bruce’s suggestion of marriage counseling?” Alfred asked, kindly not commenting.

“Yeah, no, still not happening,” Jason snorted as he chopped vegetables, “counseling is for people trying to fix shit. There’s no fixing us Alfie.”

“Perhaps not,” Alfred inclined his head, “but a counselor could help verify the situation and your case for custody.”

“Don’t lie, Bruce wants us back together again,” Jason grumbled, handing his veggies over for some meat to cut.

“Master Bruce wants the two of you- and your son- to be happy,” Alfred corrected, “he may not be the best example of clean communication, but he is not totally unaware of its importance.”

“Right, sure,” Jason scoffed, “even if I did go, what would the point? Just one more person to be charmed by Dick and take his side over mine.”

“Hmm, that sounds dangerously like self contempt, Master Jason.” Alfred said, scraping the remaining ingredients into a dish and shooing Jason off to the table.

“It’s just a fact Alfie,” Jason shrugged.

“Hmm,” Alfred hummed non committedly as he finished seasoning the dish and placed it in the fridge.

Outside, Tommy took a huge kick at one of his balls, missed, and fell flat on his back. Bruce fluttered about anxiously as the boy picked himself back up and went at it again.

“Have you given someone the chance to hear your side of the story?”

“Nobody would listen,” Jason said with certainty, “Besides, I’ve been told I’m not the greatest with words. At least not the kind that don’t piss people off.”

“Why don’t you try writing a letter or an essay?” Alfred suggested as he checked the heat on the oven.

“Huh?” Jason frowned, finally looking away from where Tommy was now happily chucking balls at Bruce to watch him deflect them all with ease.

It’d been one Tommy’s favorite games to play with Dick if he came home before the boy’s bedtime. The acrobat could twist dramatically out of the way in all different crazy positions while the toddler giggled in delight- Jason didn’t want to think about that. Not when it was over for good.

“You’ve expressed some difficulty in laying out your case because of how emotionally charged the situation is, and I must say I agree with you there. I’m afraid that continuing to repeat that Master Dick is a ‘useless fucking Alpha prick’ as your sole argument is not going to help you much. However, I recall some of your teachers speaking very highly of the strength of some of your writing in school,” Alfred said, “as such, it may be wise to play to your strengths.”

Jason shifted uncomfortably and focused on Tommy abandoning his game to chase a bird in the yard. Writing it out… while it was true that he’d always been better at that, it still felt kind of lame. People should be able to just look at their situation and see that Jason was right.

“Lawyers can do a lot, but we need your side of the story to even begin to figure out what’s best for Tommy. Not overarching insults and accusations, but a narrative that will bring support onto your side,” Alfred said, “Whatever the best method for getting that out, be it writing or perhaps telling a recording, you need to think about what you want to say.”

“Like anyone would choose me over the Golden Child, no matter what I say,” Jason growled.

“I think that once you stop believing that the whole world is against you, you may find more allies than you expect,” Alfred said tapping a paper on the table.

“What’s this?” Jason frowned, pulling it closer.

“Information about some open positions at Gotham’s Public Library. Miss Gordon dropped it off the other day,” Alfred said with a small smile.

“But… I don’t understand?” Jason said weakly, still staring at the paper.

“It seems that although Miss Gordon loves Master Dick dearly, she is sympathetic to your position,” Alfred said going back to his meal prep.

That… sort of made sense. She had almost married Dick at one point too, only to call it off later.

“Really think about it,” Alfred said kindly, “I know you would not be pursuing a divorce lightly. Really think about the reasons why you want one. If Master Dick came in the door right now saying he wanted to get back together and promised to change, what might be your response?”

“Hell no,” Jason croaked, “I’ll never forgive him. He went too far, I can’t- I’ll never forgive him,”

“Then why don’t you write me the reasons why that is,” Alfred said, “pick your top 3 reasons and write a couple paragraphs each flushing them out.”

“... that sounds so stupid,” Jason said uncomfortably.

“Indeed?”

“... not really, but I just-” Jason rubbed his face in his hands. He already hated the hot acid-like feeling that twisted in his stomach when he thought of Dick. He didn’t really want to dwell on that feeling much less put words to it.

“I think this will be good for you,” Alfred said finally setting down a cup of Jason’s favorite tea before settling next to him, “You’ve never… expressed your displeasure verbally about some of the things happening in your home during your visits, but between the few things that were hinted at and some of Dick’s comments when he called, I’d say this is a whole lot more complicated than the story currently circulating.”

“Why the fuck would I have to- say fucking anything when none of them are going to believe me anyway?” Jason grumbled, which was really the heart of the issue, “They never have before, why the fuck would they start now?”

“This pack has not always- or often, I’m afraid- done right by you, I believe in the end they will stand by you,” Alfred said, then after a pause, “Perhaps even Master Dick.”

“Hah, I’ll believe that when I see it,” Jason snorted, finally lifting his head, “but thanks. I’ll give it a shot, even if it’s just for you Alfie.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

#fic: as we fall apart #to those other two asks about jealous Dick #I'm working on it #jaydick #divorce au #thomas grayson #Anonymous

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doof-doofblog · 4 years ago

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"You Come Near My Wife Again, I'll Kill You!"

Thursday 18th February 2021

Hello again everyone! How are we all? After this post I will finally be up to date, I apologise how long it's taken me, but I'm happy to be able to catch up and review Thursday's episode!

Wow!!! This was episode was absolutely brilliant, everyone was kind of involved with each other in one way or another, it was as if everything and everyone entwined to get to this big moment! The first thing I'm going to focus on is Martin, Kush, Ruby and Stacey! After Iqra dropped the bombshell on Martin, informing him that Ruby was the brains behind the robbery at the Minute Mart, causing him to get attacked, he approaches his best friend, Kush, asking for his opinion and his advice. Could Ruby really be to blame? I guess it's understandable for Martin to find it hard to believe that his new wife could be to blame, however we and of course Kush knows more about Ruby than he's letting on. Kush suggests that Martin should just ask his new wife straight out, but Martin fears that if he was wrong, things will go down the path of another divorce and a broken family. (Although, when he finds out the truth, it's going to come to that anyway, right?) He tries his absolute best to convince himself that Iqra had got her facts wrong.

However, Kush only knows too well what Ruby is capable of. In need of searching for some more advice, Kush leans on Stacey, informing her about what Martin has revealed to him. But the most interesting thing is that Kush finally reveals to her that Ruby actually gave him money to run away with Arthur. Stacey, at first, can't seem to understand why Ruby would want to mess with her family and take away her child, but eventually it all makes sense! Ruby is jealous of Stacey's past with Martin and is desperate to have him all to herself! But she's done some really terrible things to get what she wants, even paying someone to attack Stacey in the streets! Stacey even suspects that Ruby could even be lying about being pregnant, as there still hasn't been any physical evidence of a pregnancy. So, instead of Kush having to worry about breaking up his friend's marriage, Stacey is adamant that she's going to reveal all of Ruby's lies to Martin and make him see what kind of person he's married!

As Martin returns to see his wife at work, she drops a huge hint that she has taken the afternoon off so they could have some "Fun" together, seductively wiping the paper off of her office desk. But unfortunately for Ruby, it's clear to see that Martin clearly isn't interested in getting intimate with his wife, especially after the accusations he's heard about her. Ruby can't seem to understand his reluctance, but he simply states that he's not in the mood. It seems as if every time Ruby has some alone time with her husband, she's wanting to get intimate, is this truly some kind of pregnancy hormone she has or, as we've been speculating, is she really not pregnant and is desperate to make her lie become the truth?!

Okay so this is where things are going to get interesting, before we delve into the fiasco regarding Phil, Max, and Mick, I just want to mention the little friendship blossoming between Sharon and Jean! I absolutely love it! I don't think we've ever seen these two be so pally, but it looks as if Jean has actually been there for Sharon, giving her advice on Phil. At first, she claimed that she believed that Sharon and Phil belonged together, almost getting Sharon's hope up that she might be able to rekindle her romance with him. However, when that didn't go to plan, Jean was there to once again be a friend and state to Sharon that she is a Queen and she could have any man she wanted, although there doesn't seem to be anyone else she's interested in. So, to cheer her up, Jean suggests having some chocolate - of course, chocolate always makes people happy! But when the go to the Minute Mart, Jean realises she's only 20p short and Suki is unwilling to let it slide, even though they offer to give it to her another time. As Jean looks visibly upset to leave the chocolate behind, Sharon quickly suggest that they be like Thelma and Louisa and nick the chocolate, stuffing the goodies up their tops! I just love how they both act like giggly school girls together, causing trouble. Not that I condone shop-lifting, but I just loved this moment between Jean and Sharon, I hope this won't just be a brief friendship, I do hope that this friendship blossoms and becomes something solid, what do you guys think?

Unfortunately, it looks as if Sharon's romance with Phil may have fizzled out and in Phil's eyes, be over. Phil seems to be enjoying some steamy time with Kat, what do you guys make of this pairing? I mean, it wasn't too long ago they were at each other's necks about money regarding their robbery attempt, now they're sleeping together! Crazy?! But as much as it appears to be a bit of fun right now, do you think it may lead to something more serious? After spending another night with Kat, he seems to realise that his deadline for Max is slowly coming to an end. Knowing that it's going to be difficult to get Sharon to sign the papers over, he takes a visit to Max, informing that he needs more time. But Max is having none of it and warns that if the Queen Vic papers aren't signed over to the Carter's by the end of the day, he will take the memory stick he has of all Phil's criminal history to the police!

Before his confrontation with Phil, Max was on the street of Walford, of course he was looking for Linda, but he ended up bumping into Stacey. I have to mention this brief interaction, as Stacey states that it had been 11 years since Bradley's death! I can't even begin to believe it's been that long the soap has been without Bradley, I have to be honest though, it makes me happy that still after all this time, they still mention his name. He hasn't been forgotten! There are some deaths that you do forget about, but the likes of Pat, Peggy, Ronnie, Roxy, Danielle, Barry, Jamie - you just don't forget and Bradley is one of them too! I also loved the fact that after all this time, Stacey still holds a photograph of him in her purse. I don't know about you guys but I feel that Bradley will always be her one true love! She questions whether Max had remembered the day, but admits he tries not to think about it as it hurts too much. It's then he clocks Linda and hurries to catch her, he claims that he understands why she chose Mick over him to which she is a little confused, but he informs her that he actually knows the full reason why. To her shock, Linda is absolutely devastated and is desperate to know how he found out the truth about Mick, Max admits he found out through Jack.

Now this is the biggest mistake he could've done! Informing Linda the truth, Jack arrives back at the house after Max has had his confrontation with Phil. Jack informs him that he knows that Max has spoken to Linda, because it's all turned back on him. Linda went to the police station and complained and now it's caused Jack to be suspended and potentially lose his job! Because of Max's selfish acts once again, he's put his brother's job in jeopardy! In an attempt to try and do the right thing, Jack decides to apologise to Mick, even though he's completely unaware that they know about his past. But this is where it all kicks off! Jack fully admits that he told Max about Mick's past, but the only reason Jack found out was plainly innocent, seeing him at the police station. This information get's a bit too much for Mick and he knows he has to confront Max once and for all!

Whilst all this happening, Phil takes it upon himself to visit Sharon at the Vic. He informs her that she basically has no choice in selling the Vic over to the Carter's. As much as it hurts her and she's adamant she doesn't want to leave, Phil questions whether she is really really happy living there, I guess you could say it is emotional blackmail, but Phil is desperate to get himself out of trouble. He asks her if she had any feeling left for him, he would do as he's asking, otherwise he's going to end up in prison! Phil informs her that Max has something dirty on him and if he was to hand it into the police, not just Phil, but possibly Sharon would be done for! He promises that even if the Vic gets back into the Carter's hands, he'll make sure Sharon is looked after and provided for.

Finally it all comes to this point as everyone gathers in the Vic, Max walks in waiting to hear news from Phil, eventually Phil comes down and informs him that they have a deal, Sharon is willing to sign the Queen Vic over back to Mick and Linda. In exchange, Max willingly hands over the memory stick. However, Max's smug face doesn't last for long as Mick and Linda both enter the Vic and approach him. Max acknowledges them and informs them that he has good news, but Mick isn't interested in hearing it. He warns Max just simply stay away from his wife. But Max just doesn't seem to listen does he? He kind of oversteps the mark here, he claims the only reason why Linda is still with him, is out of pity! Mick only responds by giving Max a good punch in the face, making him fly across the room and collapsing in a booth! I also have to state I don't condone violence, but Max had it coming really didn't he?!

Overall a brilliant episode, I loved how everything linked and came together! Brilliant script writing and amazing performances from everyone involved. Jake Wood, Danny Dyer, Steve McFadden, Scott Maslen - everyone! I apologise for this post being late, but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! I'll be back again tomorrow following Friday's episode! Enjoy the rest of your day folks! Love you all xXx

#eastenders #martinfowler #rubyfowler #kushkazemi #staceyslater #jeanslater #sharonwatts #maxbranning #jackbranning #philmitchell #mickcarter #lindacarter #bradleybranning #iqraahmed #katslater #sukipanesar #soapfan #soapblog

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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years ago

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Binary

This started out as a whole thing about Brie Larson. She’s started a YouTube channel and i figured I'd follow it just for kicks. I’m not a huge fan of massive Hollywood stars invading more accessible spaces but, technically, they’re the “You” in YouTube, too. I can’t be too mad at that. Of course Google is going to cater more to their brand, mostly because they bring in the duckets and understand PR so they know ho not to cause an ADpocolypse, but it’s still mad sh*tty. Larson’s first post was just her being goofy, trying to figure out how to even be a YouTuber. You kind of see a side of her that i figured was there, but never really was able to confirm. Brie Larson is the poster child for Millennial geekdom and i find that adorable as f*ck. Which is why i don’t understand the MASSIVE waves of hate she’s getting from the community. Cats are reveling in her perceived failure, it’s actually insane.

Now, before we go any further, i just want to be clear; I am a fan of Brie Larson. I think she is excellent at her craft. Ma is from my hometown and it’s always great to see someone make it out of this cowtown. I believe she has every right to her opinions and the fact that she voices them from such a visible platform, makes her one of the most endearing and real celebrities in an industry maligned by the phony. Brie ain’t quite Russell Brand but she is very vocal about the unjust sh*t she sees and will totally let you know it. That, i think, is why she garners such vitriol. Look, I'm a black dude living in the US. If she gets on TV and says f*ck white dudes, I'm inclined to agree. But she didn’t say that. What she said was there needs to be more voices making film, different perspectives in the arts. White dudes dominate the industry and she’s tired of seeing that movie. I don’t understand how that’s a controversial statement. It’s true. We need more dynamic, more diverse, storytellers making films out in the wild. The thing is, that one statement earned her the ire of every entitled white boy with time and and the internet. These motherf*cker decided to take that personally and we were off to the races.

When Brie Larson was announced as Captain Marvel, i was okay with it. I thought Charlize Theron or Katee Sackhoff would have been a better look but i get it. Larson is young and can portray the character for years to come. Kind of how Florence Pugh is going to take over Black Widow duties from Scarlett Johansson. Pugh can be that character for close to a decade, as can Larson. Once again, however, the interwebs were set asunder with rage and malcontent over the Cap Marvel announcement. It was f*cking ridiculous to me. Sure, she didn’t look the part going into this but neither did Gal Gadot, the latter turned out to be the best thing going in that trainwreck DCEU. Larson grew into the part, put in the work to look the part, and is committed to the role. She did her research, consuming massive amounts of the comics, trying to find Carol’s head space, which was a goddamn feat. Captain Marvel is as controversial as Brie Larson, herself. And it’s just as stupid.

Look, i adore Captain Marvel. She’s my fifth favorite Marvel character after Spider-Man, Doctor Doom, Laura Kinney, and Illyana Rasputin. In that order. Captain Marvel grew on me during the whole Mighty Avengers and Disassembled story lines from years ago. I have no love-loss for Bendis but that cat did wonders for building up more obscure characters, Carol being one of them. I also like what he did for Luke Cage, too, but that’s not what this essay is about. I’ve been a fan of this character since the early 00s and have rode this Carol train for years. I jumped on bored when she was rocking her leotard, which i miss terribly, took my time to dig up the back issues where she was in the original red and blue digs and moonlighted as Warbird for a bit. Then, Marvel Now happened and f*cked it all up. Carol went from this attractive, uber-powered, mess of a woman to a cold, manly, aggressively stupid caricature of herself. The Carol Danvers i had grown to love, with all of her faults and trauma, became some sort of butch nightmare and the poster child for why Woke Marvel was failing. I don’t think that’s fair.

Comic Carol was on her way to becoming a real force in the Marvel universe. She had learned there was worth in her strength, one she had to drag out through deep introspection and an understanding of who she really is. No longer was she just a gender-swapped, copyright placeholder that no one knew what to do with. Now she had agency. Now she was a force. Now she was relevant. Now tore all of that away. After Marvel Now, all of that growth and nuance was thrown out of the window. She became the idealized version of what the SJWs thought a “Strong Woman” should be. Marvel gave her a massive push in an effort to cater to this burgeoning Tumblr dynamic and it failed miserably. Marvel wanted that Steven Universe crowd and they tried real hard to get it but that sh*t did not work. The changes to the universe weren’t extreme or feminist or PC enough. Courting a fanbase that had no longevity, Carol was sabotaged and thrown to the wolves. That’s the environment we were saturated in when Disney announced Larson as Carol for the MCU. It was a perfect storm of Nerdrage, one that has not died down in any capacity all these years later for either Brie or Carol.

I don’t think the feminist slant given to the Captain Marvel movie was actually such a big deal. I think the vitriol that flick faces stems from the combined maliciousness both the new version of Carol in the comics and Brie Larson, herself, garnered. It’s kind of crazy the massive tantrum everyone decided to throw over this movie. Cats were looking for this thing to fail as some sort of petulant schadenfreude ignoring the fact that this movie wasn’t made for them. As frustrated as i was with the ludicrous discourse, i knew this movie wasn't for me. his wasn’t my Carol and i was good with that. Unlike Marvel who pandered to the trend of PC nonsense, the MCU had a clear vision in mind for the audience they wanted; Young girls. They wanted a character who was strong enough to hang with Thor, stand equally with Iron Man, and have the respect of Captain America. Captain Marvel was the best option. She would be the tentpole hero of the MCU going forward and i accepted that. I went into the film with that understanding and, on my way out, i saw, firsthand, what this movie meant to the target audience. There was a little girl, about nine or so, gushing abut how cool Captain Marvel was. She as ecstatic to see a girl like her, kicking so much butt. In the face of that, every entitled argument you have against the character falls apart in my eyes. Captain Marvel is to young girls and woman, as Black Panther was to us black folk. It’s the same energy.

Do i think the film could have been better? F*ck yea, i do. I think the script should have had one more revision and the directors definitely felt out of place. They’re good at their jobs, they mostly make A24-esque fare, but a massive, multi-million dollar, space epic connected to the most popular film franchise in history? Nah, these cats were way out of their depth. I think Feige dropped the ball on this one, a rare miss. I think Kathryn Bigelow, Patty Jenkins, Lynne Ramsay, Claire Dennis, or Lorene Scafaria would have constructed a much better film, both visually and narrative wise. I think if the movie was better as a whole, a lot of the controversy and vitriol would have been neutered. Carol is written quite wooden and a little pretentious. The interactions between the supporting cast feels forced. The overall narrative is fine but definitely could have been embellished at parts. Captain Marvel is boring and i don’t know how that happened. You have one of the strongest characters in comics, with a distinct, visually appealing powerset, and you make her movie boring? Really? More than anything, though, is the absolute mistreatment of Sam Jackson and Nick Fury.

The writing reduces Nick Fury, the mind behind the entirety of the Avengers Initiative, to lap boy sidekick in an effort to up Carol’s own stature. That sh*t is poor writing and it’s mad frustrating to see. I hate narratives that have to job established characters, in an effort to push new additions. I just wrote a whole goddamn thing about that with Punchline, Joker’s new “partner”. It’s bogus, cheapening the character and opens up an avenue for bad-faith complaints. Rey Palpatine is another great example. Her entire character is built on the slow, methodical, violent, destruction of the Skywalker legacy. Interestingly enough, that character was launched in the same environment as New Carol so i understand why the movie is the way that it is. I don’t agree with it, but i know why. It was an incredibly poor choice to introduce Captain Marvel in this way, however, and she’s never recovered. Brie has never recovered. You want a 90s buddy-cop space opera? Lethal Weapon with Skrulls and starships? You need your Murtaugh and Riggs to stand on equal footing. That was not the case with this flick. Having Nick Fury job to Carol Danvers for two hours was the wrong way to go about all of this and i think a different creative team could have made something truly excellent.

It’s nuts to me that this is even a thing though. Brie’s personal controversy is so f*cking stupid, i choke every time i think about it. How are you mad she stand up for herself, her gender, and everyone else in a position of persecution? Don’t you want though with a platform speaking up about the inequities of our country? I feel like the same people who hate Brie for her vocal advocacy, are the same people who stan “All Lives Matter” when ever someone says Black Lives Matter. That sh*t feels like the same energy to me. I feel like the criticisms launched at comic Carol have real validity, even if most of them are just whiny man-children who miss the leotard. I miss the leotard, too, but come on? We’re passed that now. I do think, when written well, Carol can be a force in the books. Her run as part of the new Ultimates was pretty chill I think she needs that in order to be her true self, until we establish a true self for the character. It’s weird to say but Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel previously, has been around for fifty years, and no one has any idea who she is as a character. I think Captain Marvel in the MCU, both the character and film, are hated for the wrong reasons. The fact that no one has any idea who this character is, makes for a lousy cinematic experience. The team put together in an effort to flesh this character out, didn’t have the creative capacity to do so and we were left with little more than PC tropes and Feminist agenda. The MCU let both Brie and Carol down in that regard.

Brie Larson isn’t a terrible person and she deserves more respect put on her name. She an accomplished actress with a bevy of awards and accolades to her name. She’s been in great films like Room and Scott Pilgrim, never once garnering a controversy. The fact that she speaks her truth, a truth the establishment doesn’t want to hear, should not disqualify her talent or the fact that she seems like a really chill person. Carol Danvers is a dope ass character with an amazing amount of potential. When she’s written well and not traded upon for trends, she can have real staying power. Her abilities open up a plethora of interesting, creatively fertile narratives yet to be written. Disregarding her just because Marvel decided to gamble on the pretentious third-wave feminism wave is shortsighted and makes you look like a childish brat. You’re entitled to feel however you want but let’s be clear; Brie Larson and Carol Danvers deserve so much better.

#Captain Marvel #Carol Danvers #Brie Larson #Marvel

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echotovalley · 5 years ago

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so because I’m taking a writing break but still super needy

I figured I would post this outline for a pokemon au that I’m never going to write. it’s basically notes from a conversation I had back in early 2018? Imagine my surprise going back now and realizing this might read much like Detective Pikachu - cubone is just my favorite pokemon

***before we get into anything please know that while I play pgo and I’ve learned LOTS of new pokemon, I’m still the most familiar and attached to the og 150 + 1. I also probably get a lot of canon pokemon rules and history wrong but my heart is in the right place

reblogs appreciated! | come talk at me about your thoughts or literally anything

premise: keith might not be a pokemon person

but pokemon are definitely a keith person

- for unknown reasons keith docks in cuba, he's kind of just been getting work and moving moving always moving because one place never works out for long. pokemon are everywhere but it's not his thing.

it never happened for him besides why would he make an animal be saddled with him? there's no stability there. and again, he's always moving. through so many different regions.

he doesn't have the heart to yank a sandshrew onto a barge across the atlantic or a charmander up the northeast coast of the US. he can barely take care of himself. and it's weird by now. to not have a pokemon by now. they were everywhere and so normalized.

they were part of everyday school curriculum and even in hospitals and rescue stations. which is another reason why he never stayed in one place very long because not having a pokemon didn't incite people to trust you.

bc even team rocket (team rocket still sounds so much better than team galra but team rocket is the galra) had pokemon that bonded and trusted them.

he gets a room and some horrible job on the coast and basically just gets by. tries not to cause trouble or get caught or encourage rattatas or a caterpie to follow him home because they could still smell half the lunch he didn't eat tucked in his bag

- i'm plotting by the seat of my pants but what really kick-started all of this was the thought of Keith finding a wounded cubone in the middle of the night.

it's too dark and raining to tell what animal or pokemon attacked it or if it was a person that fractured the skull he wore enough for a piece to break off along the jaw

the cubone sustained a mean looking scrape to its face and this is not what keith needs right now but he can tell the cubone's crying and kind of just accepted what's happened and it keeps pawing at the missing piece in the skull and keith may not actively interact with pokemon but he doesn't hate them and he still has a heart.

he's docked in cuba and his spanish just gets him by to get food and money and not anger anyone

he didn't think the barge's docking region through all of the way so he's got a cubone to help with rudimentary spanish that sucks on the best day but he's going to try and get the cubone help

he starts rushing through streets and people's yards because he could have swore the town had a gym he passed but in the dark and rain it takes him a full hour to find the gym.

- duh it's closed but he's at least going to bang on the doors and hopefully it's going to set off an alarm or something

the police will show up or someone will be able to take the cubone where it needs to go. his hand is numb from knocking as hard as he could before the door is whooshed open and someone is spitting rapid fire spanish like venom and he thinks he manages to get out that he can really only speak english and shoves the cunbone into their hands.

before he knows it, he's being yanked by his collar into the gym and down hallways and finally into the blinding lights of the pokemon center on sight.

there's more spanish and faces that look so similar that its clear it's a family that runs the gym.

- beep beep guess who's family owns and runs the gym

the pokecenter is actually a rehabilitation center founded and run by the McClain family for several generations

he gets questioned after the cubone is taken back behind the doors and it takes someone repeatedly snapping their fingers in front of his face to get him to come back to the conversation.

his name's keith, he's from the US, he just found the cubone - no he doesn't know if it has an owner, doesn't even know if it’s wild or if it has a nearby pack or how it got hurt or how long it’s been hurt.

but keith,

keith is his name and he can at least answer that.

he stays there over night and finds out that Marco is the one that answered the door. Veronica is the one to actually examine him because he looks like he's about to pass out.

their mother is the one to assure him the cubone would be fine - her daughter Rachel attends to injured pokemon and gets another son Luis to show Keith to a room in their house and keith passes out the second he stumbles to a bed.

- in the morning, when he goes to the bathroom and is in the middle of washing his hands, another son is banging on the door for Marco to get out of the bathroom and that's the first time he meets lance

when Keith yanks the door open he tells him to freaking stop because he's clearly not marco.

an older man, probably come to break up a fight, stops and blinks at keith before shouting over his shoulder about not remembering having or getting another kid (arthur "and who are you???" weasley style)

(our boy Lance has a minor panic about the cute random guy is his bathroom at 8 a.m.)

Keith gets shoved down at a table covered in food for breakfast and can't keep up he definitely has a headache and is ready to throw himself through a window when he's asked about his pokemon and if they need help too

he doesn't have pokeman and never has had one and isn't really interested and this family has centered their entire lives around it

- he sees the cubone again, in recovery and it paws a little at his hands in thanks

over the next few days, he stays with them and somehow gets roped into doing chores around the facility and given an assigned seat at their table for meals and he's just T H R O W N

they literally have an arbok taking a nap in a hammock in their backyard and a pod of seadras in an olympic pool in the gym just hanging out (doing little races between each other or chasing each other)

a vulpix he learns belongs to one of the McClain siblings (Rachel) sunbathes and sniffs at his feet while he’s working in the yard

and there's a persian destroying blinds in the living room window and a charizard in the kitchen

and some random small children he learns are marco's are throwing or shooting across the floor fridge magnets as a game with a magnemite

- begrudgingly on McClain’s part, keith’s assigned to Lance for being shown around the rehab center

lance takes him to the beach and out into the middle of the ocean on a boat

Keith: "this is where you feed me to a gryados"

Lance: "close"

and a freaking L A P RA S pops up out of the water and clicks at lance and makes little waves in his direction and they do a damn forehead touch he's crazy this is crazy

Keith: "YOU HAVE A LAPRAS???!!!!" - because even keith who doesn’t do pokemon knows what the heck a lapras is

Lance "I don't have a lapras. Nobody owns her. We just give her her room and protect or heal her when she needs it"

- the next few weeks see lance having to admit keith isn’t so bad and that just because he doesn’t have a pokemon, it doesn’t mean he actively dislikes them

the cubone is attached to keith - despite his bad attitude, lance says

this is the initial thought that kicked this off: keith asks if they have a 3D printer and once the cubone's injury is fully healed, he makes a mold for the missing piece and fits it in place

lance denies crying

"you've done one (1) good thing, kogane"

- then the real plot kicks in when the lapras is captured and taken from the beach by team rocket

lance blames keith because of the timing, because of keith's vague answers on where he's from, why he has no friends or family, no pokemon

insert painful, raw, yelled, "I TRUSTED YOU"

keith convinces him he's not part of team rocket and the main story starts where lance and keith leave to go after the lapras and return her to cuba.

- before they leave, rachel throws a pokeball at keith "i think your cubone might like this one"

and lance's eyes get huge because he knows what it is and then a pokemon is coming out of the pokeball

and it's a marowak

the cubone very carefully and slowly approaches her and the marowak just watches and waits. the cubone brushes its bone across the marowak's foot and then approaches and okay keith's eyes definitely water as he watches this marowak kind of take in the cubone.

(THE CRITICAL HIT COMES WHEN THE CUBONE EVENTUALLY EVOLVES. I like to think maybe through poke-magic the skull fixes itself when he evolves and the cubone hands the 3d mold back to keith and gets keith to put it on a chain safe for his skin to wear the 3d mold piece still)

- obv they get the lapras back,

they find out keith's mom was a double agent ofc for the team rocket faction that took the lapras

they meet hunk and pidge and allura and coran and romelle and others along the way to take down team rocket because what’s a pokemon au without the power of friendship

- keith and lance wait at the airport in cuba

it's for shiro, he had let keith travel because he saw that keith needed to find room to grow and find who he was

obviously keith is not 10. he and lance are 17.

anyways he rushes keith and pulls him into a big hug and tells keith how proud of him he is

the first thing lance tells shiro is about the time keith almost stepped on an exeggcute and how they chased him

or the time he almost sustained a skull fracture from a taurus and the time a seel thought keith was its mom

there was also that time with a magby-

keith: “OKAY LANCE WE GET IT THANK YOU”

BONUS:

keith being mildly terrified of the pokemon hanging around the McClain properties

Lance: "if you want to lay in the hammock just move him"

Keith: "just move him?! it's an arbok not a lap dog"

a nest of torchicks gets laid in the backyard and follows keith for two days after they hatch and lance laughs so hard he cries because keith can't shake them and he winds up tripping and they all jump on top of him

keith might not have been a pokemon person

but pokemon are definitely a keith person

#klance #Keith Kogane #Lance McClain #Voltron #VLD #writing tag

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independentartistbuzz · 4 years ago

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Good News, Good Music 1.0

Here we are at the end of 2020. We don’t need to tell you that this has been a very hard year. We are feeling beaten down by the bad news and music is the one thing that lifted our spirits again and again and saw us through. We have partnered with our friends at Cyber PR Music to bring you a series of GOOD News from artists who carried on making music in spite of all of the insanity that was happening and continues to grip us. We have cried listening to some of the tracks, felt deeply inspired and yes we laughed as well. What we have seen is the Cyber PR artist community is rich and varied - there are artists from all across the USA included as well as Jamaica, Australia, South Africa, France, Sweden, The UK, Germany and Scotland.

So - we bring you part 1 of our 4 part series GOOD NEWS, GOOD MUSIC.

Please Follow the Spotify Playlist below to hear all of these amazing tracks.

Thanks to all of the artists who shared their music AND their good news.

JVMIE & Lionel Cohen | “We Will Rise Again”

Started A Collaboration From A Quarantine Hotel Room and Got Nominated For A Major Award

We had a crazy year but some great things came out of it! I was forced to leave LA and head back to Australia until things ‘calmed down’ but started a remote collaboration with LA based film composer Lionel Cohen - we received a grant from HOTA (Home Of The Arts Gold Coast) to create an album and we were just nominated for a HMMA Hollywood Music In Media Award :) The whole process of collaborating and talking every day was what helped me keep my sanity throughout this crazy year!

Perle Vybz | “Electric Dancefloor”

Almost Lost Her Partner To COVID And Took The Leap Of Faith To Release Music

My debut single 'Electric Dancefloor' was released on Dec 8th, against the odds. A few months ago , my partner almost lost his life (to COVID). He was hooked up on a ventilator and had a really rough time. At the same time, I lost my main source of income and so, during the pandemic lockdown I had more time on my hands to focus on my music. So I'm glad that in spite of what was happening around me I was able to take that leap of faith and get my music out there.

Arielle Silver | “What Really Matters”

Became Music Connection's Hot 100 Live Unsigned Artists and Bands and Top Prospects 2020 lists in their year-end issue

As COVID shut everything down in April, I leaned into my commitment to authentic connection and inspiring creative expression with the creation of two weekly livestreams: Tomes & Tunes, a weekly show where I interview songwriters about books, and Arielle's Acoustic Happy Hour, both of which are going strong. In June, I released a new album, A THOUSAND TINY TORCHES, along with two official music videos (one shot entirely during quarantine), which have been featured in American Songwriter, Music Connection, and more.And in September, in the wake of closing studios, my sweetheart and I launched a new online yoga studio, Bhavana Flow Yoga, with online classes, workshops, and retail.

Alongside my own sorrow at the pandemic, I have been living a year of creative expansion, and was recently featured in Music Connection's year-end issue on both their Hot 100 Live Unsigned Artists and Bands and Top Prospects 2020 lists.

Hannah Judson | “Deep Sea Diver”

Launched The Backwards Record Release Concept And It Worked!

The 2020 lockdown was an exploration of new ways of doing and connecting. Everything became an experiment as new processes were developed to replace the no longer actionable old ones. I launched the Backwards Record Release for "Stingray," a rock/folk collection of songs. The 8 week campaign started with a socially distanced concert in a chateau courtyard, was fueled by my new podcast the Hannah Judson Beat, conversations with women in music, and concluded with a capstone edition of MUSEfest Online, a music festival I normally produce in major cities that promotes women in music, film, art and culture. I stayed connected with colleagues and fans, envisioned future projects, and maintained momentum and enthusiasm for creative projects, present and future.

Evan Mazunik | “Comfort and Joy”

Funded, Recorded & Released A New Holiday Album

I’m grateful that I was able to successfully fund, record, release, and sell my new holiday album this year.

Eli Lev | “Anywhere We Can Go”

Released A Touching Global Fan Driven Music Video

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I had a powerful experience this year when my music community from all across the world helped me create the music video for 'Anywhere We Can Go.' I was in happy tears editing it and seeing all these wonderful faces come together and make something truly special. Here it is and I hope it brings some joy to folks.

Jeff Oster | “Five Great Mountains”

Found Solace (And Music) In Mother Nature

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I was lucky to spend three months in the fall of 2020 up in Vermont. In the midst of all of the turmoil, Mother Nature just kept on shining. I was able to create this video on my iPhone, in an attempt to capture her beauty.

Beca Dreams | “Calm Before the Storm”

Had A Creative Burst That Resulted In Ad Campaigns & New Singles

It’s been a very challenging year, and yet I’ve somehow managed to have some awesome wins I am super grateful for.

Partnered with Bounty to write/perform Quicker Picker Upper, currently streaming on all major platforms and has gotten over 7M views on Tik Tok and 150K streams on Spotify so far. Composed/performed song for an ad campaign for fashion designer Asher Levine on launching his new groundbreaking LED outerwear line (who’s recently worked with Doja Cat, Lil Nas, Lady Gaga). I also released 2 singles “Calm Before The Storm” and “Taking Time For Myself” and most recently was featured on “Dance Party In The Living Room” by UK producer Fritz von Runte, about making the most of the quarantine.

I feel so lucky to be making music and doing what I love, which has been a huge silver lining during these dark times.

AfriCali | “The Struggle”

Turned An Eviction Into A Special Retreat & Healing Place

Our landlord lost her pilates practice and couldn’t afford her Oakland home so

Our family of four with a baby due any month now had to figure it out and find the humanity in moving out before the lease was up. In the magic of mother earth and without knowing we were blessed with a beautiful place to be away and seven thousand feet above the mountains where we could have this beautiful bundle of joy. Which would turn into a special retreat healing place after our departure this past October.

Akira AK | “Pearl”

Completed His New Release Remotely Over Zoom

My "good news, good music" story is simply how I was able to release 2 major projects this year despite everything that is going on: putting out my second EP and my first music video. The EP in particular had been in the works for 3 years and was SO CLOSE to being done when everything started to shut down, so with the work of my engineer, we set up remote sessions via zoom that helped put the last song over the line and get the release out there! From there I was able to promote it with it's adjacent merch.

As far as my first music video is concerned; I was able to safely show up in person in NYC and film it with the help of a great videographer. The conceptualizing of the video is very special and I think speaks to the experiences some of us have had about going to that special place inside your head where you feel most powerful/comfortable/fierce to deal with whatever is going on externally. The promo for the video was also a success in terms of being able to schedule it on time and put it out there to hype the video itself. And once it was out it was really (unexpectedly) well received!

Those are just my personal success stories and I'm excited to see others' as well!

Monsterboy | “Ain’t Worth the Dime”

Played 60 Livestreams That Reached 7,000 Households

When my husband and I found ourselves without gigs and our small business closed, we decided to go live with our music and stay in touch with our fans. We cobbled together equipment from our home studio and gigging rig, going live in that first week. We really didn't know what to expect. The messages we got from people were so heartwarming, we built a little community for them night after night, reconnecting with existing fans and finding new. In total, we did over 60 live streams during the shutdown and reached over 7k households on some streams. Entertaining and interacting with people was our way to do our part for our community. A podcast found us via the streams and started hiring us to produce music for their shows from it.

Artist: Crotona P., Producer: Pablo Brownbeats | “Silk”

Forged An International Collaboration South Africa and the USA via A Chance Facebook Meeting

I'm Pablo Brownbeats, a producer who has been producing since my youth and creating music for the last 12 years. I just released my new Ep with Crotona P from Rochester New York featuring Street Da Villain, Dj Shawn Touch, KING Flamez all from Rochester New York and SOLO MAJITA from Free State South Africa. The African Ep is available on digital stores and Bandcamp. I enjoyed making this project and it will be an honor to share the leading single Titled Silk.

This project was recorded during the early days of Covid19. Me and Crotona met over Facebook and exchanged some few words and he agreed to do the single (silk) then African EP was born.

Scott Whitfield | “A Bi-Coastal Christmas, Vol. 1, by Scott Whitfield & Friends”

Released A Christmas Album That Features Artists Who Have Passed That Started Recording in 2004.

Despite the challenges, I was able to release a Christmas album on Bandcamp! It's available as a digital download OR a physical CD. This is the culmination of MANY years of work (some tracks date back to 2004, and, sadly, a few of the artists who played on them are no longer with us).

John Maksym | “Drinkin’ & Thinkin’”

Worked With 22 Collaborators Spanning 7 Countries and 16 Cities

I kicked off this year as a solo recording artist for the first time in my life and had an ambitious goal of releasing music every 5 weeks. When the pandemic struck, I had just started recording my 4th single in the studio and everything got shut down. Within a couple of weeks I was able to pivot and invest money into building my own little home studio, to continue to create. With every musician in the world stuck at home, I was able to connect with a dream team of collaborators who helped me finish the song that I had started and go on to record 8 more songs through remote session recording from their own home studios. All in all I worked with 22 collaborators, spanning 7 countries and 16 cities, which I would never have thought of doing had the world not been in lockdown. It also allowed me time to revise my original release plan and build a more robust plan to release a number of singles and eventually an album throughout 2021.

Stay tuned ...There’s more Good News Coming!

#2020 #2021 #independent artist buzz #indie music #music blog #spotify #spotify playlist #positive vibes #good vibes #cyberpr #cyberprmusic

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