#i’ve been gone forever and the dash is like dead af but

[lghtyear]

tapping the dead chat. if i came back on a single muse blog, which of my muses would you rather see?

[caffiine]

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS.  I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom  for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being”  but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back. 

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

 PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you. 

[galvanizedfriend]

p. 1: OMG thank you so much for the update, it was exactly what I needed today! I enjoyed it so much (the story and the writing and maybe the emotional rollercoaster because I'm weird like that) but oh boy... When you warned us about character death and then Aiden died I wondered if I was somehow supposed to be more attached to him but it was only fair to have a major character or two fall victim to almighty aunt Dahlia. But I thought it would have been a Mikaelson, hoping that their deaths are

p. 2: less permanent. But my baby Caroline didn't deserve this! And my heart breaks for Klaus going through losing her for a second time. The first time already screwed him up quite a bit (understandably so) and I'm scared to see how he comes out of this. Dahlia sure as hell knows what she's doing. Please don't keep us waiting too long for the next update, if possible. I can't wait to see how you explain and link everything together and I also need the comfort that my KC babies will be okay.

p. 3: I mean you wouldn't just kill of Caroline for good, right (or Klaus)? I don't think I can handle that. But apart from being eager for an update, I really loved the chapter (with the disclaimer on Caroline of course!). I can see why it means so much to you and you certainly did not disappoint. I loved how Caroline joined the brothers for brunch and dropped kisses on them both. Giving Klaus of piece of her mind for excluding her yet again but also reminding him that she loves him. Ugh my KC

p .4: heart!!! And I also loved Caroline taking the lead on Eve's protection plan. She got Elijah to see reason but as per usual Klaus is a stubborn bastard. That's why it was so heart-breaking to see him push everyone away thinking only he could protect Caroline and Eve and then losing Caroline yet again. I'm still waiting to know more about his plan and see if he'd be able to see it through with Caroline gone. So many things coming together in this chapter, it was amazing. Thank you so much!

p. 5: Excuse all the rant and spam in your inbox but you're super great, it was a yet another wonderful chapter in such a beautifully written story and I just had to channel all those emotions somewhere. Thank you for all your time and effort and I can't wait to read the next chapter! Lots of love from a fellow Klaroliner <3

Hello, five parts anon! I know I said i’d be coming back to reply in a few days and now it’s two weeks later and I don’t know if you’re still there, but I’m finally here! lol 🧡🧡 I’ve updated the story, so I think it’s ok to have spoilers out. Anyone who would mind spoilers have already read it, I guess.

I’ll add a read more line here so this won’t be gigantic in people’s dashes. lol

First of all, thank you SO, SO much for this amazing message! 🧡 It’s super sweet of you and I’m so flattered you took your time to write a five parts ask! Wow! That’s just incredibly nice!

So. Caroline’s death. 😂 I had been kind of alluding to it for a while now. The way things had happened, how scared Klaus was, the way he’d been acting, it was kind of an indication that things would be heading that way. However, at the same time it proves he was right to be paranoid, his paranoia was exactly what provoked her death. It was what prompted Dahlia to figure out that Caroline was the piece that had to be removed from the playing field in order to tip the brothers the way she wanted them, the perfect way to break all of the alliances - between Mikaelsons and Crescents.

The reason why I decided to go there was because I didn’t buy anyone’s motivations at the end of S2. I think I’ve mentioned this here before. Klaus is crazy for no reason, Elijah turns on him out of nowhere because Hayley tells him to. Aiden was not that important to anyone (other than Josh) to become such an important tipping point. So everyone’s reasons were extremely weak, which meant I didn’t feel for any of them when all hell broke lose, just thought they were all dumbasses, and that Klaus went WAY too far with his revenge tour. So, in order to offer some more motivation, I made it so that Klaus had been slowly growing more and more paranoid since Caroline’s death. He made mistakes, trusted the wrong people, and that eventually led to her death. So this is why he refused to trust anyone here, including his siblings. Elijah turned on him, not because someone told him to. He did it because he believes Caroline’s death was retribution, because Klaus caused her to die. He’s angry af, so that’s why he does it. Because his brother became a liability and he was likely to get even worse after her death. And the reason why Klaus will - well... 

So everyone is where they needed to be at this point, but their motivations are different. And while Hayley simple walked out after Aiden and then decided she wasn’t going to come back because she didn’t want Klaus in Hope’s life, here Caroline never did that. But she was still incredibly hurt, mostly because she came to the conclusion that Klaus’ despair was paranoia was rooted in his feelings for her. 

ANYWAY. I’M SORRY. I digressed a little here. lol You know she’s going to come back. lol That’s not even a spoiler. There’s no way she’ll stay dead forever. BUT. Some stuff will happen. lol Thank you so much for your message, anon! Hope you can enjoy the next update! And feel free to come and rant any time! :)

🧡🧡

[zire-7]

A Totally Biased Review Of Superstition

Oops...I had planned on writing a review for this one a couple weeks after its release, like I did with HAS; though its not like I'm getting paid to write a review. Anyways, there was a drama shitstorm involving a good friend of mine, she is not a fan of TBM, and I've been too busy almost dying to write a review. Now I find myself desiring to once again extol the virtues of The Birthday Massacre. (To anyone who read my last review, [http://zire-7.tumblr.com/post/33486561723/a-totally-biased-review-of-hide-and-seek] yes I was just as emotionally destroy and gutted with Superstition as I was with HAS

)

I..LOVE. IT. Even after 3 years of listening, I still find myself listening to Superstition. Its definitely got hooks, both lyrical and instrumental, as well as a new magical fairy tail esque world that is brought to life. Or, perhaps its a deserted island in the same world that N&N, Violet, WWS, PAN, and HAS, belong too.  

Without further ado, the songs....

Divide

The opening is deceptive of the song's imagery, the song is haunting and uplifting at the same time. Like finding yourself stranded on an island but with a loaded flare gun. Except there's one flare and no one around to see it. Chibi's voice is enchanting, when isn't it, but this time its like the call of a Siren.

On the bridge (I think its the bridge? I don't know.) there is growling as we've heard in Blue and Down. And I do believe either Rainbow or Falcore are singing backing vocals, it could be Nate, it brings a little something extra to the song. The synths, drums, guitar, and bass are softer throughout the verses, building to a crescendo for the chorus before getting softer again.  Of course there's the wicked awesome guitar solo and instrumental interlude.  Two words, Bass drop.

Favorite lyrics: In the night, we dance with our devils and dine with the snakes. The dead will stare in joy and despair – rising up, away from the earth, and into the clouds.

Rating: 1000. It is an excellent opening song that sets the stage for an even more excellent album.

Diaries

The synths are strong with this one, but it does amazing things for the chorus and with clear vocals...this song was and is a fast favorite. The drums in combination with the synths  makes your body move to the music; you'll find yourself singing along too. (I've certainly caught myself nodding my head many, many times when it comes on.) I'm not sure what a song needs to have, to be classified as an 'Anthem' but it is one. The bridge is amazing. The instruments are a kick to the face and the vocals trap you in a desolate frame of mind.

Favorite Lyrics: We were strangers when I believed I could wake up from this dream. As life goes on, I know that time will tear us apart and take you away. And when your gone, I'll wake up with a hand on my heart and a foot in my grave.

Rating: 2000. Its catchy, the lyrics will get stuck in your head, and its bleeds beautifully into the next song. It wouldn't be a TBM album without a few songs that bleed into each other.

Superstition

Okay, so this is one of those songs that you will listen to until your ears bleed and not even that will stop you from listening. I'm not kidding, its got the synths, very strong drums, guitars, powerful vocals, backing vocals by Rainbow(always great), it is very much a 'burn the witch at the stake' anthem of pure and utter BAMF-ness.

It will transport you to the mid 19th century (1800s, cause you know, the 20th century is the 1900s. I know its weird) during the Salem witch trials, only the witches are taking names and kicking people in the face. It is in my top five favorite songs from TBM. With each chorus the music gets more intense and keeps on going. The instrumental version of this song is just as enchanting as the version with vocals...I could go on forever about this song's 'ka-pow' and 'BAMF-ness'.

Favorite Lyrics: He stops me when I'm starting to pray. He says. “Intuition is awakening suspicion.” He says, “My tradition is the art of superstition.”  I wake up in the light of a fire, eyes burning like the ashes in submission to the heat of desire. He tells me not to preach to the choir.

Rating: 300000. A. Totally. Biased. Review. Of. Superstition. I can do what I want...but in all seriousness, its a fantastic song. Also the 'jam session'  music video for it, is amazing!

Destroyer

Its not exactly a bleed in from the other song but at the end of the previous one, it goes quiet and then bass. An excellent opening to this destroyer of eardrums (:D, see what I did there.). This song will break your eardrums if you crank it to max volume and if you don't, you won't get the impact. Ugh...the synths are so on point(This band definitely knows how to Synth or be techno...whatever).

On the vocal front, they open with a louder growling whisper; image the whispering of the Happy Birthday verses' and a dash of the harsh growling in Down. Though, Chibi mixes both hard and soft tones throughout to devastating effect. The masterful accompaniment of the drums, synths, bass and guitar enhances it even more.

Favorite Lyrics: Making wishes for me. Causing calamity. The only solution, abandons me. This a tragedy. I meet with it gratefully. Its my execution, and you're joining me.

Rating: 4000. It adds another layer to Superstition's story of a witch hunt. (In my opinion)

Surrender

I'm going to level with you, I hate the opening of this song so, so, so much. I just, the heavy panting breaths, in combination with the warble-y synths is off putting. It makes me not want to listen further.  However, the the first verse is a work of art and is reminiscent of Midnight's 'kick to your eardrums' vocals. Its great.  In fact, the verses are masterful and beautiful, the rest of the song has its good things and things I didn't like(I'm sure there are other TBM fans that liked them.).  

Good things: haunting lyrics, an even more haunting melody during the verses, and its enchanting imagery.  Things I didn't like: the weird breathy tone for some refrains, as well as those at the beginning and ending of the song, and the weird warble-y synths. (Usually I like how well TBM uses synths but not in this song.)

Favorite Lyrics: Tonight they're calling out your name. A light across the river. They're coming for you. Let me in and I'll explain. So dark outside here, I'm afraid I'll disappear. I know you're in there. I sense your fear.

Rating: 500. Unless I'm in the mood to listen to this song, I will skip it.

Oceania

The. Synths. Are. So. On. Point. They mesh so well with the vocals (also so on point) that make this song catchy AF. I lied, Diaries has got nothing on this song. You'll will sing along and you will dance to the beat. It has energy and its energy will give you energy.  The lyrics weave a tale of a shipwreck in the Bermuda triangle and three kids wash up on an island with memory loss. Their memories create ghosts that drive the kids crazy. It also could be where they album art work comes from. This song's hooks are definitely Chibi's voice, I have no words.

Favorite Lyrics:  A slight of hand to make us blind. Our past life shared, we left behind. When tomorrow comes, there'll be no end in sight. Home is something I'll never know. It's where I wanted to go. Cause in the world below, I was always alone.

Rating: 6000. This will transport you to another world.

Rain

Ugh this song is too perfect for words. The instrumental sections of this song are exceptional and make up for the slim vocal presence. The vocals that are in it, are mind blowing and cast a spell over you.  Or its the Fae queen being described that does it...oh yeah we're all enthralled by a Fae queen. (I regret nothing!). There is an instrumental version of the song that is kick ass too.

Favorite Lyrics: Praise the truth come to light. The valley of night she gives to me, from her empty heart. By silence and shame, the poison and pain flows over me.

Rating: 7000. Repeat for days.

Beyond

Same thing with Surrender, I don't like the opening. When the music hits my ears, my soul screams: SKIP.  I love the powerful delivery of the bridge's lines though...so much yes. The verses are good too, but not as good as that bridge. The vocals on the bridge and the verses, and the drums are the only things I like about it.

Favorite Lyrics: Out into the dark I stared, out there, at the edge of the world. I made a promise to never grow up and forget all the days here, when I was so young.

Rating: 800. I'll listen to if I'm in the mood, but it gets the boot like Surrender when it comes on more often than not.

The Other Side

We have another bleeder, Beyond fades into a howling wind that devolves quickly into organs(like a giant piano, not the parts...though a very legit and fair assumption considering its TBM.) Was/is anyone else reminded of Phantom of the Opera during the opening of this song? Cause there's where my mind instantly went. Everything in this song is powerful, the lyrics, the synths, the instrumental interludes, and just everything!

Without an instant favorite. I also get a very nord/viking vibe from this song. It reminds me of a winter-y wasteland and the Night King from Game of Thrones. I would happily listen to this song until my ears bleed.

Favorite Lyrics: Let me show you the way through the water. You don't have to explain yourself. Turn your face to the stars. I see you smiling. In summer I drowned you. In winter I found you.

Rating: 9000000 (Over 9000). I must have listened to it at least this many times already.

Trinity

The transition into this very alluring melody from the intensity of The Other Side is very unexpected but welcome. Though I don't like the high 'trumpet-y' synths in the middle. Other than that its a good instrumental track from TBM to close this album.

Rating: 1000. It gets more listens then the other two songs and isn't skipped as often.

Score:  

All the awards!

Why you should listen to it, why you should go listen to it for the millionth time, and why its still has such a strong pull over me even after three years.

I am unable to escape from Superstition's magnetic pull. Every time I've listened to it, I fall in love with it all over again. Its full of mesmerizing lyrics, angelic and demonic vocals, kick ass drums, bass, synths, guitar, and soul; you name it, its got it. (Could just be my fan-ness talking...) There are things I dislike about it, but those things don't impact my desire to hear it. I still have 'Superstition' days. You know those days, the days where nothing is going right and your stressed AF. On those days you come home, change out of your monkey suit, and blast your favorite record. That record makes everything better.

Superstition is my second favorite album from TBM. (Violet will always be my #1. Not only did it introduce me to TBM, it has my favorite song on it.) I hope anyone who is new to TBM or is interested because of this review,  will give this gem a shot. I certainly have no regrets from spending months on end listening to it.

[tiffdawg]

I’ve been waiting for this for the two whole days I knew it was coming forever!! And it did not disappoint 😍

“And while for the most part, he was a respectful neighbor, it was times like these that you wished you could throw yourself into dead space. The first time you confronted him about the noise, it was almost cute at how awkward he was in apologizing to you.” Oh my...you weren’t kidding when you said thin walls 😂 I actually loved the way you set up this premise and described everything the reader could hear.

“‘Is this seat taken?’ You groan loudly at his stupid fucking modulated voice.” Ahah I knew that beskar bitch was going to make an appearance. As much as I love the history of tension between them and Xi’an...I was gone to be mad af if he hadn’t shown up.

“‘It looks nice on you,’ he tells you, nonchalantly. You swallow hard as his gloved fingers brush against your thigh. Dizzying warmth washes over you. What the hell? Drunk already?” IM SWEATING 😳

Leo! Their banter is my FAV and this is fulfilling me

Mando as a wingman? Hmmmk yeah this is gonna be good.

“The first person he goes up to must’ve been guilty of something. Because as soon as the Mandalorian stalks around the corner to his seat, the poor soul tosses his drink at him and dashes out the door.” Even better than I expected!! 😂

Thinking about Mando while fucking someone else? Love to see it (and totally understandable, btw)

Okay, in the end it was the HAND HOLDING that got me. Of course it was because I am a fool and these two are going to be the death of me. This was like, the comic relief I needed after part four...until it make me hurt all over again. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

thin walls

gif cred: @mrpascals​

rating: NC-17 lol

word count: 3.1k 

warnings: SMUT SMUT SMUT!! 18+ !! graphic depictions of sex, auralism, mentions of alcohol, jealousy, dumb oblivious clownery, a lil pining, a smidge of angst at the end u know me

a/n: 

this is a side story for my ongoing series “migraine” !! 

i NEEDED to write something fun since the last part of migraine was so angsty. i really wanted to just explore them having fun together and being bros!!! just vibin!!! being young and dumb!!! and ofc their obvious sexual tension before migraine girl and mando started their romantic relationship. idk when part 5 will be out since i have finals next week, but i definitely dont want to wait a month to post it LOL 

for now, enjoy this fun and sexy romcom bullshit 

summary:

“You’re the worst wingman ever,” You tease as you kick his calf lightly.

He kicks you back, “Look, the night isn’t over yet. I bet I can get at least one of these people to talk to you.”

You ponder over his challenge for a moment, and then shoot him a mischievous grin. Reaching into a pouch on your belt, you slap some credits onto the table.

“Spoils go to the winner,” you say with a smile, “You have one shot. Blow it and we both go home, casanova.” 

ao3 link

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[rawrmeansmemes]

DAMON SALVATORE STARTER SENTENCES

You're choosing that woman over me?

Get the kids out of the car seats. Let's go summon the Devil.

I am SO forgiven!

Eh. I’ve seen worse. 

UNDER THE CUT CAUSE THIS GOT LONG AF

Hashtag, you're welcome. Are hashtags still a thing? It's been three years.

Look, I’m selfish, narcissistic, prone to unnecessary bouts of violence...

You wanna send me back to Hell? Well let me tell you something, lady. I’m already there.

I guess I’ll have to cuddle up next to the fire with all my rage.

Well, it’s not like I was expecting a parade, but where’s my parade?

Hey! I do not go behind people's backs and torture them. I like my enemies to look me in the eye and see the depth of my rage.

Things are going to be awfully dull around here without you.

I love you, ____. And I will love you until I take my last breath on this earth.

The fact that you suck at torturing people is nothing to be ashamed of. That's why you have me.

Oh, look at that! St. ____ has a plan. Let me guess, whoever's holding the kitten gets to talk about their feelings?

You're lucky you're adorable because your eternal optimism is super annoying.

Yeah, I would've come by sooner but I thought you were safe and sound in the family crypt. My bad.

I am not a nice person. I should not have to stand in front of the entire town and pretend to be a nice person. 

Sometimes really terrible things happen to amazing people.

Not to be blunt, but I think dying gets you a ticket out of work. Just sayin'.

I could kiss you right now you beautiful moron.

Well I'm no doctor, but this guy is screwed.

Well you didn't think I was gone gone, I promised you an eternity of misery.

I definitely blew that up about an hour ago.

I will make it back to you. I promise.

I had a really crappy day and I needed it.

All I know is that right now I wanna rip your clothes off right here in the middle of this hall and throw you in one of these classrooms and kiss every square inch of your body, while a bunch of people who drive minivans listen wishing they were us.

You once told me that calling me "Satan" was an insult to Satan.

I can hear you, dumbass.

It's called being secure. I can tell you believe in that by the way you wear your hair.

Guilt. Don't know it, but I've heard it can be a royal bitch.

I don't speak crazy person ___, you're gonna have to translate that for me.

Play nice. Or I'm gonna revisit the deep, dark well idea.

How is it even when you're dead you're the bane of my existence?

Do I look like I know anything about tattoos? Look at my skin. It's flawless.

Life sucks. Get a helmet.

Everything changes tomorrow. It'll be all unicorns and rainbows.

You do bad things for no reason. You do them to be a dick... if you're gonna be bad, be bad with purpose.

I've updated our relationship status to: It's Complicated.

I want to throw you back in my bed and never let you leave.

You're not allowed to feel this sorry for yourself, unless you're sitting on a bar stool. Fortunately, I travel with a bar.

Try the sock drawer. People leave the sketchiest things in the sock drawer.

This would be so much more fun if we were naked.

Can't we just let ourselves enjoy one secret selfish day before we destroy his?

You want to know what I think? I don't think I've ever seen you more alive.

Is that where you've been all morning, out buying bossypants?

For someone who doesn't wanna be like me, you sure are good at it.

Okay, it's a kitten. It's an adorable, exploding kitten.

Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be.

Well I think the risk will be slightly diminished when I, you know, rip his head off.

We love visitors and the scenery is to die for... Oh. Funeral pun. Too soon.

Am I wearing my 'I blew up the Council' t-shirt?

You better hope she's not a fan of Bambi.

I'm going to pretend like there's someone there because the alternative is too damn depressing.

Perfect. We've narrowed it down to nowhere.

You want a love that consumes you. You want passion and adventure, and even a little danger... I want you to get everything you're looking for. 

Know what else was her call? Every bad thing ever.

Sorry to spoil your seven minutes in heaven. We have a problem.

When people see good they expect good. And I don't wanna live up to anyone's expectations.

Didn't you find it weird that you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?

I gotta admit, even for me, it's a little kinky.

Own it. Live it. Love it. Stop being ashamed of who you are.

You know what they say, two's company. Three's a party.

Dear Diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie, will haunt me, forever.

I'm better at being the bad guy anyway.

Why do you look like someone just shot a panda bear?

I get it. I care too much. How ironic is that?!?

I'm mad at you because I love you.

Anyone else feeling a little used right now?

Get ready and get happy. We're going to negotiate a fake truce and I don't want your attitude screwing it up.

I say go with the black. It makes you look all villainy.

We kissed. Now it's weird.

It's right. It's just not right now.

Take it from me: Strange is bad, dead is worse.

If I'm gonna feel guilty about something, I'm gonna feel guilty about this.

I can't drink all this by myself. I mean, I can. But then someone is getting naked.

I promise you. I will never leave you again.

I wouldn't have done it for you.

Honey, I've been called worse.

It came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it.

It's your party. You can cry if you want to.

I will always choose you.

I made a lot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve to die.

Wow, I'd love to lend you a hand, but, you know, you wouldn't want me doing anything stupid.

Don't mistake the fact that we haven't set you on fire in your sleep for trust.

There's no such thing as a bad idea. Only poorly executed awesome ones.

If you wanna see me naked, all you have to do is ask.

You know this whole pretending to hate me is getting a little silly.

Well, that is the fork in the road between you and me, my friend. I don't hesitate.

Just stop talking. Just kiss me. Be my distraction.

I'm in love with a woman I can never have.

I look at you and I see myself. A less dashing, less intelligent version.

Your search for life's purpose is as obvious as it is tragic.

Really? That's weird because I'm a dick.

Are you worried that all the forest animals will band together and fight back? After all, they talk.

Somewhere along the way, you decided I was worth saving. I wanted to thank you for that.

I do believe in killing the messenger. Know why? It sends a message.

I wanted it to be real. I'm trusting you. Don't make me regret it.

Damn, you're strong for a little thing.

If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.