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9tzuyu · 4 years ago

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dissolve (rewrite)

natasha x reader

note: this was just a huge vent fic idk. these type of fics seem to be the only thing im okay at writing. mistakes are mine as always. but i did proofread, yay!

if you want to read the original (as awful as it is) you can read it here!

wanrings: this heavily revolves around eating disorders.

i’m not tagging anyone because the content isn’t really the lightest to read.

words are used everyday, everywhere – whether to describe something or someone. there’s thousands upon thousands of them.

so you were having a hard time figuring out why you were struggling so much to justify your feelings through the basis of words. it was unnerving, draining and very annoying. your emotions should be simple, right? you were either sad or happy, angry or scared. but there was something more, something unexplainable. saying you felt alone only scratched the surface of the wave of emotion that took over. it was excruciatingly painful, far worse than any physical pain you ever had to endure. and for some reason it seemed to come crashing down at night while natasha slept peacefully. you weren't exactly sure how to express your emotions to the extent you felt them. how else was anyone supposed to understand your pain? they couldn't, not unless they could somehow shift into your body and feel your emotions themselves. but that was merely impossible as such powers do not exist. so you were inevitably stuck with words foreign to your lips. over the years you were deemed unsafe, a hazard, "an accident waiting to happen" you recall one doctor say. everyone’s eyes were on you at all times, monitoring every little movement you made. it was suffocating and at times doing more damage than good.

as an adult now you learned how freeing it could be without the fear of gaining weight or eating a bowl full of rainbow marshmallow cereal. your worth was not defined by your weight.

(at least that's what you believed prior to any relapses.) everything was going well in your life. you were a college graduate working as a psychiatric nurse and you had found love, something your teenage self could only dream of. natasha was by your side through everything. and really, the only downfall in the relationship was that she had to travel a lot for her job. but you were secure enough in your relationship not to worry or decide to call things off. in the end natasha always made up for it when she came back, so you couldn't complain too much. things were going well for you, really, they were. until they weren't. (and you didn't know why.) it happened out of nowhere. work was a little more stressful than usual, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. natasha had been away for three months, only stopping by a few times to check in on you. but again, your wife being away for so long wasn't anything new or worrisome. the two of you had followed the routine of her leaving and coming back more than a thousand times; yet somewhere along the way you lost yourself. food became less of a priority, your hunger decreased drastically, and within the first month you'd lost thirteen pounds. it truly was an accident, slipping into a full blown relapse was never part of the plan. but thirteen pounds lighter you wanted more, to feel small again. you didn't have an answer as to why you became so attached to your eating disorder, but it didn't seem like it would be letting go any time soon. the rate at which you were going natasha would most definitely be able to see a difference; not only on your weight, but in the person you once were. she'd ask what happened and why it happened, poking and prodding for an answer, but you didn't have one. so here you stood in the kitchen of your shared home, a cup of sliced fruit in one hand and your cell phone in the other. you poured the fruit into the bottom of a blender along with a spoonful of yogurt and half a cup of soy milk. another half cup of ice followed suit. while the fruit blended, you shamelessly scrolled through your instagram. there was nothing interesting going on in other people's lives, you didn't even know why you had social media in the first place. it was dumb, and quite frankly you didn't give a shit whether or not sharon went to the beach. the sound of your blender coming to a halt brought your attention back to the real world. you poured your smoothie into your water bottle. the green liquid would be your breakfast and lunch for the day - dinner was still up for debate. a soft sigh left your lips. work was beginning to feel more like a chore and less of something you enjoyed. you were quickly growing tired of it. nonetheless, you grabbed your keys and rushed out of the door.

you thought about the irony of working as a psychiatric nurse with an undealt eating disorder telling teenagers how to deal with their own issues. you felt hypocritical to say the least, especially given that all the nasty side effects were starting to make themselves known.

your hair was beginning to thin, small clumps of it already starting to fall out when you tugged a little too hard. bruises could be seen scattered left and right on your body, and you were cold. god you were cold. your fingernails were tinted blue, warmth seemingly too far out of reach. you looked ill, and it didn't go unnoticed by your coworkers.

a few hours into your shift you found yourself sitting behind the nurses station filling out paperwork. lunch had passed and when your coworker, steve, asked if you were going to eat something you lied straight through your teeth, telling him you'd grab something when the patients were eating dinner.

but steve rogers could read you like an open book. he knew you were lying because he already knew what was going on. the signs of an eating disorder were quite obvious when you were a licensed therapist. and despite your futile attempts at hiding it, everyone could tell something wasn't right.

steve played it by ear for weeks until he contacted natasha, but by then you'd already lost a considerable amount of weight. as soon as she heard the news, natasha booked the next flight home. unfortunately for her though, there was only one flight and she would have to wait two and a half weeks before being able to leave.

you didn't know it, but those were the longest two and a half weeks natasha ever had to wait.

– patients were having group therapy, so you could tune them out - not that you should, but it was hard to focus when the only two things you could think about were food and your weight.

the need to lose weight sounded so stereotypical for someone with an eating disorder, but honestly it wasn't about that. it was never about wanting to be thin. you genuinely didn't know why this was happening. the only thing you noticed was how rewarding it felt seeing the number go down, as if for you were good for becoming less. it was addictive. and it didn't help that you based your entire worth on how much you could lose.

the next time you stood up from behind the nurses station steve met you in the the cafeteria. while the patients ate you took occasional sips from your smoothie. the bottle was still full of its contents from the morning. you had completely forgotten to drink it during the day, but you didn't seem to mind it that much.

the surprise touch of steve's hand on your shoulder startled you.

i am gross, you thought. do not do that.

steve caught onto the slight flinch your body produced as a reflex, but he didn't say anything about it.

"you can leave early, boss said so."

he laughed as he saw confusion plaster your face.

"what? no!"

"go home, seriously. we have this handled. you know tony doesn't like being told no."

you bit your lip, puzzled by the sudden request. most people wouldn't mind being sent home early, but all it did for you was give you a level of anxiety reserved for food.

what you didn't know was that natasha was home waiting for your arrival. she came back just short of an hour after you left for work.

while you were gone natasha made a few thorough rounds in the house looking for key signs of your eating disorder. there was bound to be evidence given that you didn't know she was home.

unsurprisingly, natasha found a glass scale beside the counter of the bathroom floor along with empty bottles of laxatives in the trashcan. the food in the fridge had been expired a few days past their date, giving her the indication that you weren't eating as much as you should be. her concern grew even more when she found your food journal on your nightstand. flipping the pages, natasha could see that throughout the moths she'd been gone your calorie intake had decreased significantly.

guilt began to gnaw at the back of her throat.

during the few days natasha stopped by, she hadn't noticed anything wrong with you. but then again she knew most people with eating disorders were very good at hiding them up until the point they were discovered. three days wasn't near enough time for her to catch onto your tricks, not when her mind was still focused on her job.

natasha always listened intently whenever you would talk about your eating disorder, the first time being six months into the relationship on a date you felt like you had ruined.

but talking about it was much different than experiencing it with you, natasha had never done that before up until now. she read nearly every article there was about anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and ednos. sometimes when you were asleep she would watch documentaries on the disorder, always making sure to keep her volume at a low level.

the videos that hurt her the most were the ones teenagers struggling with the simple task of eating food.

(although natasha knew it wasn't that simple.)

it hurt because she knew that was you at some point in time.

upon your arrival, natasha cooked dinner. she wanted to hold onto the one sliver of hope that steve was wrong - that he was just overreacting - but she knew in her heart he was right about his assumption. however, dinner would only confirm what natasha so desperately wanted to deny.

when you walked through the door you were greeted with the overwhelming scent of food. you cringed at the thought of having to eat, but as soon as you looked up to see the redhead who'd been gone for so long your frown was washed away. a wide smile overtook your face and you rushed to jump into natasha's arms.

"i missed you so much," you whispered. "i thought you'd be gone for another few weeks?"

natasha's arms found their way around your waist as your legs wrapped around hers. "what? i can't come home early to surprise my wife?" you giggled in the crook of her neck. she smiled feeling the vibrations against her skin, happy to know that you'd missed her just as much as she missed you.

she sat you down, back facing you, she tended to the food. "you've lost weight," she commented, not missing the sharp inhale of your breath.

"how was work, nat?"

she nodded to herself. yeah, she didn't expect you to be so open on the first try.

"it was fine. dinner's ready, i made your favorite!" natasha threw a smile in your direction as she carried the plates over to the table. she had hoped to see your face light up the way it used to, but seeing the panicked look in your eyes further confirmed your relapse.

if nothing else, natasha wanted you to have a meal before she brought up the conversation.

"great... i love it, thank you nat!" your attempt at being enthusiastic failed miserably and you knew by the look she gave you, she already knew what was going on.

but throughout the meal, and despite the shakiness of your hand as it gripped the metal fork, natasha didn't say anything.

you weren't really sure which was worse; being confronted or knowing the both of you knew what the other was thinking and still not addressing it.

natasha's meal was good, you couldn't lie about that, but each bite you chewed caused the tightening in your chest to constrict further.

now you couldn't be good. or worthy. or deserving.

nat took away your plate when you were halfway through. she knew your limits, and she didn't want to push you too much out of your comfort zone.

"go change, i'll wash our dishes. meet you on the couch?"

you did as you were told, taking as long as you could to do so. except this time was different. you didn't glance in the mirror like you usually did, you chose to fully take in your figure.

what you saw was not what you expected to see. for the first time in months you saw a version of yourself that wasn't twisted and turned to be something you didn't know was real or not.

your skin was dry, hair thinned out beyond your belief, eyes sunken and dark underneath. the revelation gave you an odd feeling – was once again something unexplainable, unjustifiable by words.

good.

that was how you were supposed to feel, right? after all of this time, after the many pounds of protection and warmth lost, you were supposed to feel good.

but you didn't. and you never would.

there was something so surreal about the realization of your own destruction. you were aware now, which meant you had to either take responsibility or choose to lose everything you worked so hard for.

"y/n?"

your wife's voice snapped you out of your gaze and you scrambled to pile your dirty clothes and rush out of the bedroom.

as you made your way into the living room you could feel the intensity of natasha's gaze. any other time you would not mind her green eyes looking at you, but this time around you felt like you were in trouble.

she patted the empty spot next to her, to which you reluctantly joined. but even after everything you still tried to play it cool.

"what's up? is everything okay?"

she gave a low chuckle, "you tell me."

"what do you mean?"

"oh i think you know what i mean."

natasha’s reply was met with the loudest silence you ever had to sit through.

she bit her lip, "you know i got a call from steve a few weeks ago. he's concerned about you, and from what he's told me so am i."

you were quick to respond, automatically knowing what steve’s phone call was about. "i'm fine. so what if i've lost a couple of pounds? that doesn't automatically mean that im relapsing, natasha."

your quick snap reminded natasha that this kind of confrontation was like walking on eggshells.

she tilted her head, licking her lips. "i'm here with you, always." nat put a hand to the side of your face, gently rubbing her thumb at the top of your cheekbone. "i'm here."

it seemed pointless now to try and say anything because your secret was already out.

your mind began racing back and forth.

you wanted to keep what you knew best and natasha understood that. even by reading your body language she knew what you were debating.

"you know, to keep it you have to give it away." your eyes darted to meet hers. "mhm. you can still have that piece of you. mourn it, grieve it, do whatever you need to do to move onto a stage where it doesn't hurt you. and from there you can help other people, share your experience, let yourself heal by helping others."

she paused, “we all have choices. some of those choices are taken from you while others leave you with only one option.”

although what she said seemed to resonate with you, there was one thing still holding you back.

"i just want to be good."

natasha hummed. you had explained it to her in the past, though your words were jumbled together as you tried to describe it.

"you can be good in other ways. you're allowed to live a life outside of the barriers your eating disorder puts in the way."

you swallowed the lump in the back of your throat. "i don't even know how it got to this point. in january i enjoyed ihop and dennys. in february i could have oatmeal and bananas, sometimes half of a sandwhich if i was feeling brave. now it’s march and i only eat one or two things a day. the idea of having a full meal makes me want to cry. and i just- i don't know how to stop."

natasha wouldn't show it, but your words cut through her heart like a knife. her mind wandered briefly to all the teenagers in the documentaries she'd watched, hoping you weren't too far gone into your eating disorder to ever come back. those cases scared her the most.

"you've got my complete support. you've tackled this before, maybe this time you can beat it? i know its easier to abuse your body instead of growing comfortable in it, but i think you’ve got this. i know you do."

"what about your work?" your question caused natasha to frown. "you think i wouldn't set my job aside for you?" you shrugged, it's not like you felt like you were worth being taken care of anyway.

natasha grew hesitant to tell you her news, but did it anyway because she’d rather you hate her than see you dead. "i've already made some appointments for you. the first one is tomorrow morning."

"i figured you would natasha. it's okay."

you spaced yourself out the rest of the day. each time you made the executive decision to recover, whether that be a genuine recovery or not, the process never failed to remind you that even trying to recover from an eating disorder felt like mourning the loss of a friend who was never good for you in the first place.

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #avengers x reader #natasha romanov x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff imagine

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ciggylungz · 4 years ago

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She’s such an actress

Bestfriend!harry grinding on yn while spooning. / bestfriend!harry you guys casually hookup and can’t get enough of each other (smut, smut and more smut)

3.1k words

“stop being a fuckin’ blanket hog!”

Y/n gave Harry a glare as she tugged the fluffy fabric farther up her body. The two best friends were on a month-long holiday with their group of friends in Italy. They’d been there six days already and Y/n was already becoming a bit snippy with Harry because the extra people in the house kept her from being able to fuck her best friend whenever she wanted to. They had a bit of an unconventional friendship, they’ve been friends since they were teens and they’re as close as two friends can be- yet one thing that separates their relationship from the relationships they have with their other friends is well, they like to fuck like rabbits. They had been doing that frequent banging since they were in secondary school, anytime Harry would be back from tour for a while from his one direction days they’d usually spend that time getting absurdly drunk and pleasuring each other.

Not having been able to really touch Harry like she’s used to for the last week, she’s starting to get needy which makes her act moody and on edge. Harry gave the girl a sideways glance, raising his eyebrows as a sort of ‘quit it’ reaction to her behavior only getting a huff from her in return. Harry had been met with this huffy puffy version of his best friend many times, whenever he’d annoy her or she didn’t get her way she’d turn on her snarky side. It didn’t phase him anymore. He of course knew why she was acting like this, but he was a little limited in how he can fix it seeing as they’re in a house with 8 of their closest friends- who would never let them hear the end of it if they got caught and he didn’t want to deal with their prying- so he was aware he’d have to deal with this attitude till he could take care of her properly.

y/n laid herself down on the couch, putting her feet in Harry’s lap under the blanket, prompting him to softly massage them for her to get on her good side at least while they watched a movie with their friends and all had a few beers after a day at the beach. The man absentmindedly ran his thumbs on the arch of her right foot, eyes on the screen as he gave her soothing touches smiling soft when he felt her twitch a little. He knew she was ticklish yet she liked when he’d give her massages, so it was an odd combination of her twitching and giggling while letting out relaxed sighs. He didn’t mind though; she had soft skin and always kept her toes manicured so he had no problem with it. He once tried to get her to do the same for him and she pretended to gag before smacking his feet off her lap which he laughed at.

His gaze averted from the screen down to his own blanket covered lap when he felt her left foot starting to nudge at his sweatpants covered crotch. Harry let out a sigh through his nose, while of course he wanted to fuck her brains out he also didn’t want to get a stiffy while sitting with their friends. Plus, knowing he got the girl so needy even her mood was affected gave him a bit of cocky pride- no pun intended. The man pinched her foot giving her a warming glance whilst shaking his head and pushing her feet from his lap, opting to go grab another beer from the fridge knowing he was driving her up the fucking wall.

Y/n was anything but pleased with his antics, so with a scowl she threw the blanket off herself and declared she was going to go shower and go to bed making sure she gave Harry a good side eye and middle finger as she pasted him in the kitchen which made the man chuckle before doing the same just to piss her off further.

Y/n changed into some sleep shorts and one of Harrys old sweatshirts he gave her years ago, she had been left to make herself cum in the shower since Harry was being a little shit and now she was even more annoyed because even after 2 shower head on clit fueled orgasms she still was dying to touch him, smell him, kiss him anything! She needed to feel his big callused hands on her skin, smell his natural musk and hint of cologne and the mint gum he chewed with a lingering bitterness of beer on the corners of his mouth. She needed her bitch of a best friend to stop starving her of the touches she’s used to getting before she threatens to put out applications for a new best friend. (she never claimed to not be dramatic afterall), even if they couldn’t get away with banging regularly here, she needed something or her head was going to explode.

Laying back on her bed she started thinking about how good he looked at the beach earlier that day. Tanned skin complimenting his tattoos, his thick thighs she loves to kiss, mark with hickeys and hump looking extra inviting covered in a sheen of sea water drying onto him under the hot sun. His back muscles imprinted through his exterior whenever he’d lift one of their friends up to toss into the water or punt a volleyball, she almost drooled at the sight of him playing the sport. And god, she could easily make out the lump of his meat through the pale pink swim shorts he was wearing. Even his soft cock could make her knees weak, she’s proved that many times when she’d ask him if she could kiss his soft length, or proposed cock warming. She had no idea how Harry could control himself enough to stay soft when he let her kiss his cock or cuddle with it inside her, but it made it undoubtably sexier to her. she had a love for his manhood, soft, hard, she didn’t care she loved it in every state. It made her feel like a two-dollar hooker, yet she didn’t care because it was her Harry. Best friends over everything.

She let out a pitiful huff, opting to scroll through her phone as she lounged in bed. In the midst of her falling down the Instagram black hole of soap cutting videos she got a text from the man that’s been driving her insane the last six days.

‘you gonna come finish the movie with us or are you gonna pout like a child?’

The young woman felt her attitude flare back up, sending him a snotty text just to get a reaction out of him, wanting to make him mad like she was- which she knew was proving his point that she was being childish.

‘I’m on tinder finding someone to fuck, finish the movie without me’

When the man read the text he knew what she was doing, and yet it still gave him a little tingle of possessiveness and irritation. Of course, he wanted her just as bad as she wanted him, but he also didn’t feed into her bratty behavior. He knew he was making it worse, and she’d give him a wack to the dick if he kept up his antics yet he took his chances wanting to see how worked up he could actually get the girl.

‘have fun, be safe call someone if you need a ride home’

To say Y/n was shocked to see him respond with that, was accurate. Her mouth went slack slightly and her chest shook a little. She was pissed, needy, and sad that he was acting like he really didn’t care about how she felt. She was sensitive, she knew her period was coming next week so her hormones were causing her sex drive and emotions to skyrocket. In her pissed off state she decided she’d really do it, just to piss him off as much as he did to her. two can play at this game.

When the girl was slipping a skimpy dress over her figure, Harry finally decided to make an appearance. He’d heard an awful lot of thumping and shuffling from her room and decided to investigate yet he was surprised to see her now in a dress that left very little to the imagination. He raised an eyebrow as he loomed in the doorway, his shoulder pressed into it while he casually leaned against the wood using his finger to motion to her body. “What are yeh doin’?”, his question made her meet his glance in the mirror a rather unamused glare coming from her eyes. “I’m going out, told y’ that didn’t i? gon’ go find someone to fuck me.”

Harry met tsked the girl slightly, walking further into the room. “No yer’ not, take that dress off and put your pj’s back on.” The man pointed a finger to her disregarded prior clothing, Y/n of course challenged this with a hand on her hip. “Yes, I am. You’re not in charge of me, I’m an adult.” Harry shrugged, not giving into the temptation to argue. “Never said you weren’t grown, I said yer not goin’ out and you’re gonna put your clothes back on. Now, get to it.” His stare seemed to have some sort of power over her, seeing as Y/n found herself quickly caving and shimmying out of the dress.

Harry took a step into the room, closing the door behind him to give her a bit more privacy incase one of their friends walked by and caught a glimpse of her in the process of changing. The girl gave him a pouty face when she stepped out of the material that now was pooled around her ankles, her tits spilling out of her bra as she stood before him in only her undergarments. He watched her carefully as she switched back into her former outfit and slowly stalked towards him, standing about a foot away from his body before tilting her head up to look at him.

Harry noticed how frustrated she was in a simple glance, a small frown forming on his own face when her waterline became a darker shade of red and tears glossed over her pretty eyes. Damp eyelashes sticking together slightly as she blew out a breath, “You’re being mean t’ me Haz, I don’t like it..” she knew she sounded pathetic but she didn’t care. She was touch and attention starved by her best friend and favorite boy and her period was on it’s way so she had a right to get emotional if she wanted to. Harry pouted at her, opening his arms for her to press herself into him which she did gladly, face smooshed into his chest while her fists bunched up his shirt. “Don’t need to cry, it’s alright bug. Everything is okay, here can cuddle yea? Will that work?” and because Y/n was so desperate at this point, she was willing to compromise for a cuddle.

The pair laid together, Y/n in her little spoon position and Harry behind her as they stared at the television that was playing on the wall. She held his large hand in hers, rings being toyed with by her fingers while she let herself be soothed by the beating of his heart against her back.

Even though Harry was plagued by thoughts of their friends catching them in a compromising position, he couldn’t help but notice his cock plumping up with Y/ns bum pressed into him. He knew it wasn’t like she was being intentionally teasing now, she’d settled for a cuddle because she just needed any touch from him but now- he was becoming the needy one. He decided to keep it subtle, acting as if he was repositioning himself yet angling his hips so his now semi hard cock could grind against the flesh of her ass. Grinding was something they did often, it was one of their favorite sexual acts. Her grinding on his thigh, cock, hips, or tummy. Harry grinding himself on her ass, clothed cunt or sometimes fucking himself with her thighs. Grinding was something they were very much into, and only after a few moments of him jutting his hips into her flesh she turned her head to see him.

“What are you doin’?” the man let out a long sigh, pulling her to roll over to face him by her hip nudging his nose with her being rewarded with a trembling breath blowing out of her lips to fan over his own. “I know you’ve been missin’ me huh? Had to keep m’ hands off yeh, ‘m sorry doll. Never meant to have my girl in tears, look I miss yeh too.” He gently grabbed her hand to migrate towards his swelling crotch letting her cup him through the material her eyes moving to look down at her moving hand, “no no, doll look at me. eyes on mine, gonna play with yeh okay? Gotta be quiet, think you can be quiet for me?”

Her nodding was so frantic she could hear the ticking noise of her brain moving inside her skull, making herself slightly dizzy for a second before Harry grabbed her attention again. “What do yeh wanna do sweetheart? Can you stay quiet if I fuck yeh or do we gotta settle for something else?” a quiet pleading whimper passed through her vocal cords almost in physical pain from the anticipation, Harry hadn’t given in yet he hadn’t let her press their lips together, pulling away to only brush noses every time she tried. “Need an answer then yeh can have a kiss.”

Y/n swallowed thickly, labored breaths coming from her body. “I can be quiet H, promise please I n-need you” her voice cracked with the weight of need, a whimper clawing its way out of her when he stood up to lock her door before shuffling back to the bed. Harry knew Y/n like the back of his hand, he could tell by the small dots of acne starting to present on her chin and the way she’s acting that her period was coming and that let him know she’d cum fast due to sensitivity, which was perfect for this risky scenario. The girl took it upon herself to start stripping herself down, bra coming off as fast as her sweatshirt did showing her slightly swollen tits and nipples a shade darker than usual confirming his previous realization.

She slipped her underwear off herself harry worked to push his sweats off as his free arm held up the duvet as an emergency shield incase the lock didn’t work watching the girl scramble to get under the blanket as she waited anxiously for Harry to join her.

His body was heavy on top of hers, chests pressed together while he guided his tip into her. Y/n instinctively wrapped around his waist, his other hand covering her mouth while he sunk himself inside the girl. Her wet warmth never failed to make his breath hitch, she felt so goddamn good every fucking time. the vibrations of her noises of pleasure tickled his palm, her drool wetting his palm whilst she struggled to keep herself together. She was always a sensitive little thing, but after a week without being touched she could hardly contain herself. Harry moved his hips in quick succession refusing to move his hand because he didn’t trust her to be quiet and honestly, he was struggling to stay quiet himself.

Harry used his free hand to anchor her thighs apart so he can get a good swivel into her, his pubic hair tickling her clit every time he circled his hips flush into her, both her cunt lips and the insides of her thighs getting stimulated with every thrust he gave her. He was well aware of how obsessed Y/n was with his lower half, including his happy trail, collection of curls sat above his cock and of course his previously fawned over thighs and every time he’d let her give him kisses down there she’d nuzzle her nose and lips into the hair. Often licking up the stripe of hair on his stomach, she really had a thing for his junk and she loved when he’d let his lower region tickle at her clit and lips while he fucked her. Y/n was on the verge of passing out, attempting to be quiet while he did everything to her poor cunt that he knew made her twitch and scream under normal circumstance. It felt almost cruel, wishing she could just scream out everything she needed to but she knew better and could focus on nothing else accept her orgasm approaching like a freight train.

Harry could feel how close she was, her g-spot has swelled a considerable amount from the way the crown of his cock massaged it with vigor during every rough thrust inside of her. she was soaking wet, almost so much so he was struggling to not slip out of her and her walls were fluttering. The clenching of her intimate muscles came in 10 second intervals warning him about her approaching climax, her eyes begging him not to stop because his palm was still firmly secured onto her mouth now completely soaked with her drool, her tongue desperately lapping at his hand to taste any part of him periodically as he drove himself deeper into her.

“Fuckin’ Christ, you gonna cum?” Y/n nodded frantically whimpering into his palm while digging her fingers into his arm trying to feel any sense of control while her body spiraled into ecstasy. With a buck of her restrained hips and trembling of her entire body she started to cum, hard .

“Oh fuck, cumming hard huh? God y/n baby fuck..where do you want it? ‘m gonna cum baby where do you want it?” his speed started to falter as he felt the pressure in his balls reach it’s breaking point, y/n responded by pointing a trembling hand to her mouth which made the mans eyes roll back and his hand quickly uncover her opening just in time for him to crawl up her body, knees on either side of her head as he spilled his seed into her drooly panting mouth. The sight was filthy, but god he swears she still looks beautiful with a mouth full of his cum and tear stained cheeks.

She swallowed it quickly, sticking her tongue out to swipe at his tip making sure she got the last drop before he rolled off her and dropped beside her. they were coated in sweat, cum and drenched in lust but god there truly was no place they’d rather be.

#harry styles smut #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles blurb #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x yn #harry styles concept #harry styles au #harry styles drabble #harry styles fluff #bestfriend!harry

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miamlfy · 4 years ago

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Gryffindor Scum

A/N: WOOH PART THREE IS FINALLY OUT! There was so many ways I could have written this part and I actually rewrote it a few times. This part is more centered on Draco rather than the reader but I guess this series is mostly on Draco. Feel free to give me feedback/ideas!

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem! Reader

Summary: Draco has an unwelcoming experience with Blaise and Pansy.

Warnings: Implied depression, Pansy, and a few swear words. Perhaps spelling/grammar mistakes as well.

Word Count: 1,9k

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Enjoy!

(Not my gif, credit to whoever made it)

Draco laid wide awake on his bed, staring onto the ceiling. He spent hours tossing and turning, just wanting to fall asleep just like everyone else in the house, however, his body refused to shut down. Draco continued to glance down to Harry’s muggle alarm clock he had on his nightstand, 3:46am it read. He let out a sigh, your mum wanted everyone up by 6am. So much for a good night’s rest, he thought to himself.

His stomach was filled with the nervous feeling, his whole life had changed for him during the summer and he knew life at Hogwarts would also change. If someone told his past self that he would be dating a half blood or better yet living amongst Gryffindors, he would’ve laughed in their faces and told them to fuck off. Draco would have never imagined that this would be his life now, not that he hated it. He loved it, every second of it. He loved being in a household which held warmth, love, and security. He loved having parental figures that asked him on the daily if he was okay but most of all, he loved having you at his side.

You were there for him for anything he needed the minute he stepped foot into your house. At first, Draco was scared your relationship would have declined when he moved in but instead it got stronger and the love was blooming more than ever. They spent many nights together alone, talking about the present and the future.

“If I become a professional Quidditch player and you a healer, you can help with any injuring I get.” You said while picking on the grass you were laying on.

Draco chuckled besides you, “I’ll also be on the stands cheering you on and being the loudest there.”

Those moments the two of you had are what kept Draco going. You were his world and his yours. He got so used to spending each day with you that he wasn’t sure if he’ll be the same spending less amounts together at school. Now, Draco wasn’t much of the clingy type but after living in the same house for almost three months only to go back to school and being separated by house rivalry but going to take its toll.

Draco scoffed to himself, whoever created such things and made him believe them were children, he thought. House rivalry was nonsense. Draco looked over to the clock once again, not much time has passed since he last checked it. He rolled onto his side and decided to at least get some sleep to avoid being an awful mood the in the morning.

Draco was woken up by the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen. He looked over to Harry’s bed to see it empty and unmade, no doubt already waiting for the delicious delights Lily was cooking.

Draco was still getting used to seeing a human cook rather than house elves. Lily wasn’t the only person who cooked in the Potter household, he also learned that you, along with Harry were taught some things. James, however, was often kicked out of the kitchen after his many, many, failed attempts on cooking.

He got up from his bed and quickly made it along with Harry’s. Although your twin brother was fully capable of making his own bed, Draco hated a messy room and often opted into making your brothers bed. Heading downstairs, he saw your luggage packed and ready to go by the front door. Lily made the three you do it the night prior.

“Ah, he’s up.” He heard you say, you stood on your tippy toes to place a kiss on his cheek. You always complained about your shortness to him, and how it wasn’t fair the Harry got the tall gene.

“Come sit down, there’s pancakes, eggs, and bacon on the table already. Help yourself.” You said to him.

Draco nodded and took an empty seat next to James. He began adding foods onto his plate, before he could start eating, James began speaking to him loud enough for him to only hear.

“Draco as you know, the trial between your parents and us is still happening.” Draco nodded as James spoke.

The trial was taking longer than expected and although it was unrealistic to think it would end with an agreement immediately, Draco wish it was over. Both parties refused to step down. Not that Draco wanted your parents to give up, he knew they wouldn’t. He just wished his own parents would come to terms that Draco wasn’t returning to them and to drop whatever they doing to claim themselves as the best wizarding parents out there.

Well, he just wished his father would stop. He knew his mother couldn’t do much, she was just there to be a wife of a pureblood and a mother to heirs. Draco knew she tried to be there for him but the way she was raised proved that the only way she could try to show her love for her son was to buy him things and spoil him with anything and everything he asked for.

Narcissa still sent him letters once a week, whether it was sending him money, treats, or asking a simple ‘How are you doing?’.

Draco stared at James and nodded his head allowing James to continue.

“Word has gotten out and it’ll most likely be in the papers soon which means people will say things to you. Don’t let them get to you and force you to pick a side, in the end it’s you who decides.”

Draco already had a side picked but he knew Mr. Potter was right. His ‘friends’ will no doubt try to make him change his mind about everything and force him back into being the self-centered prick he was.

Once everyone finished the very delicious breakfast and got into the muggle car Lily owned, with complaints from you for having to sit in the middle seat, the five of you headed towards the train station.

“Harry move your bloody elbow!” You yelled out to your brother. “It’s stabbing me in the side!”

“Maybe it’s you who should move, my elbow is fine where it is!”

Draco slightly laughed at the interaction, leave it to the two of you to cause some sort of chaos in any given situation. He sat back in his seat and looked out the window, watching all the cars drive by.

His stomach was getting the same feeling it had during the night. He began chewing on his lip, a habit he had of doing whenever he was nervous. Taking notice of this, you took his hand into yours.

“Are you okay?” You asked looking at him. Concern was written all over your face as he looked at you. Looking at you is what made him more present and calmer. He loved looking at you, you were always so beautiful to him.

“Yes, I’m fine.” He responded, giving you a genuine smile. You reciprocated the smile and leaned your head on his shoulder.

Draco let out a yawn, his lack of sleep getting to him. Perhaps he’d be able to nap on the train.

Arriving at the station, the three of you said goodbye to your parents. Lily was making sure everyone had everything they needed while James looked ready to cry. Regardless of this being the fifth year of doing this, he was never ready to say goodbye to his children.

Draco noticed some Slytherins giving him weird looks as he stood with the Potters, a few gasps were heard from others when he hugged James and Lily goodbye. He didn’t care though; it was a bit amusing to see some of his peers sporting confused looks.

“Alright kids be safe and be good, I don’t want to hear about any more pranks on teachers or students,” Lily said, looking directly at you and Harry. “Includes you now, Draco. These three gremlins can be quite the influence.”

“Three?!”

“Yes James, three.”

“Now that’s not fair, Sirius should be in that list too!” James said. Lily shook her head as if her point was proven.

Draco followed Harry and you onto the train, he saw a few first years still waving goodbye to their parents through the windows. He saw you poke your head out of one as well, he wanted to laugh at the fact that you looked no different than a first year, but he knew it was best not to as he didn’t want to make you mad.

“Tell Uncle Moony that I say hi!” He heard James yell. You replied with a ‘will do’ and pulled your head back as the train began to move. Draco could’ve sworn he saw James wipe a few tears from his eyes.

“Are you going to come sit with us? Harry already went with Hermione and Ron to find an empty compartment.” You asked your boyfriend.

Draco shook his head, “It’s best if I go sit with the others, Granger and Weasley aren’t much used to having me around unlike Harry and you.”

“Alright well if anything happens, you can come find us.”

Draco nodded, allowing you to place a kiss on his lips as a short bye. Watching you skip as you went to find the others, Draco went on his way to find the people he calls his friends.

The compartment in which they were in wasn’t hard to find, upon entering it Draco placed his luggage above and sat down next to Blaise.

“Strange,” he heard Blaise say. “We didn’t think you’d be joining us.”

“And why is that?” Draco asked turning his head to look at Blaise.

Blaise continued to look down at the book he was reading, “It seemed to us that your alliance has changed.”

Draco scoffed but before he could speak back, Pansy had already taken the stage.

“You left us Draco.” She said, forcefully making herself sit in-between Draco and Blaise. She placed her arms around Draco’s neck.

“Come back to us Draco, we know you’re still in there.” She shook him as she spoke, “We know they brainwashed you now come back.”

Draco threw Pansy’s arms off of him with a bit of force, making her pout. “No one has brainwashed me.”

“They clearly did, you don’t even want to be with me anymore!” She screeched. Draco rolled his eyes at her delusional self.

Blaise closed his book and made Pansy go back to her original seat. He looked directly at Draco as he spoke.

“We don’t want you here anymore, Draco. You made it clear to us that you no longer want to be in this friend group the minute you hugged that mudblood and her blood traitor husband. Not to mention how friendly you’ve gotten with Y/n Potter.”

Draco felt his body becoming hot with anger as Blaise targeted the slurs towards your parents.

“Now leave us and perhaps you’d want to change your house tie as well, seeing as you’ve become Gryffindor scum.” Blaise finished.

Draco angrily stood up, glaring at Blaise as he grabbed his luggage and stormed out slamming the compartment door with such force. He stood there for a few seconds, taking notice that his hands were shaking as he rubbed his eyes with them.

“This is going to be one long fucking year.”

#draco malfoy one shot #Draco Malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco x you #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x gryffindor #draco malfoy x y/n #Harry Potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter x sister!reader

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cloud-9ine · 3 years ago

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Roses are pretty cliché, don’t you think? (pt 2)

⤷ pairing - bakugo katsuki x (fem) reader

⤷ fandom - bnha

⤷ warnings - swearing, very slight angst

⤷ summary - bakugo was already out of his element when he went to buy flowers; so he didn’t take kindly to you criticising his preference for roses

⤷ word count - 2.5k +

⤷ pt 1, pt 2

“I’m sorry.”

Her side of the bed was cold when Bakugo woke up. The sheets were neatly tucked in, and the pillow fluffed up as if she had never in slept in it at all. He could only stare at the empty space for a long moment before forcing himself to move and get out of bed. A vase sat on the windowsill, curtains already opened. The tulips had begun to droop, and the carnation petals- previously a stark white- had begun to turn black.

Bakugo’s eyebrows furrowed. He had only given them to Ochako a couple of days prior, certainly not enough time for them to be in such a state already. With a weary frown, he stripped off the sheets, inspecting them a bit more closely. Alas, he knew nothing about flowers, and couldn’t ascertain whether this was normal or not.

Not wanting to expend more energy on tulips and carnations, he stepped out the bedroom, quickly locking on the smell of freshly roasted coffee. Ochako was stood by the pot, seemingly motionless. There was a faraway look in her eyes, as if she was still half asleep, despite the fact it was obvious she had been awake for much longer. Bakugo froze himself upon the sight of her, itching to reach out yet realising that it wouldn’t help.

With a shallow gulp, he took a cautious step forward, gaze tracing her face for any indication she had heard him. If she had, she was doing an excellent job in hiding it. Another step. This time, Ochako flinched, eyes darting towards him. Bakugo could feel his pulse skyrocket as her lips parted before closing again, her eyelashes fluttering.

Ochako was not one to be quelled with tulips and carnations.

Her eyes were dark, lips pursed as she swept past him, coffee left on the counter. Bakugo didn’t need to turn around to know that she had left. With a heaving sigh, he ran a hand over his weary features, fixing himself a cup of coffee which he sipped, more to occupy himself with something rather than a genuine desire for the drink.

Denki’s party was today. Ironically, it was the anniversary of his and Kyoka’s marriage, which only served to form a pit in Bakugo’s stomach. Idly tapping the ceramic, he silently pondered if it was too late to cancel. He cringed, rationalising his thoughts. Denki was one of his closest friends, having stuck with him through him being an asshole for most of his youth, and he wasn’t planning on forsaking that relationship now.

Now, leant back against the cream walls in the corner of Denki’s living room, observing the carnage that was occurring he beginning to he almost wished he had. The bright blue lights and loud music was doing nothing for his headache, but he wasn’t about to leave before anything had really started.

Although they had arrived together, Ochako had left his side the moment they walked through the doors. He hadn’t seen her since, with exception of a few glimpses of her chatting with Asui and Momo in another room. He contemplated trying to talk, but it wasn’t the time nor place to start a confrontation.

Every once in a while Denki would appear- already hammered- thank him each time for showing up (which begged the question as to whether he was just that drunk, or if Bakugo was so unreliable that just seeing that he had stayed for more than 10 minutes was enough of a shocker) and hand him a drink. He had gotten about three beers this way, without even having to move from his corner.

Kirishima, Midoriya, and a few others had attempted to talk to him, but none of them had been particularly successful to withstand him relentlessly brushing them off after every sentence. After a while, they stopped trying.

Bakugo wasn’t going to act as if he wasn’t at least a little self-destructive.

He knew pushing away his friends, self-containing his pity into his own isolation was the perfect recipe to spiral, but he couldn’t seem to care. His mind would go blank on occasion, like now. He couldn’t move his eyes, staring at a singular point in the room. Bakugo wasn’t much of a drinker, but he couldn’t blame this on the alcohol.

The noise around his dissolved into a low static, ringing around in his head like firecrackers. Colours became bleak, and the faces of his friends blurred, the lines between them and the background becoming worryingly hard to differentiate.

For a moment, he thought he was dying.

“Fancy seeing you again,” The colours regained vibrancy and the faces snapped back into focus, the static fading away in favour of your voice, “you come here often?” You were teasing, he knew it, but he still couldn’t formulate a response. There was a beat of silence after your words, Bakugo’s eyes tracing your face as if he wasn’t quite sure you were real or not.

“Should’ve known you’d appear,” he settled on after a minute. He bit back a groan at his brash greeting, but it didn’t seem like you cared.

“Yep. There’s no reason I wouldn’t, after all,” You looked down at your nails, picking at your nail polish before glancing back up at the blonde, “beer? Really?” Bakugo frowned, looking down at his drink and swirling it around in his cup.

“Yeah? So what?” You hummed, taking a sip from your own beverage. It was an electric blue colour, glowing surreally in the low pink light Kyoka had settled on a couple of minutes earlier.

“It’s just a little cliché, isn’t it?” You grinned smugly at his groan, covering your mouth with the glass.

“Do you ever get tired of that bit?” He questioned, glare thinly veiled under a mocking questioning look. You shook your head.

“Not really. Do you ever get tired of being a basic bitch?” Despite everything, Bakugo chuckled, his chest lightening.

“I suppose. What would you suggest, then?” He took the bait, crooked smile gracing his lips as your eyes sparkled.

“Follow me.” With little reluctance, he trailed after you as you darted around the others that were in attendance, once in a while stopping to greet someone or another, before glancing behind to check he was still following and continuing on. He was a little shocked at the amount of people you knew, but figured as a close friend of Denki’s you would probably be accustomed to them by extension.

Out of the corner, Bakugo felt weirdly exposed. Logically, he knew that no-one was looking at him- or at least, for no longer than a passing glance sent in his direction, but his mind was playing tricks on him. There was a large population of the party that he didn’t recognise- heroes that Denki had met and befriended throughout their years in the field. It was unnerving to be in a house with who were essentially just strangers with the exception of about 10 or 20.

He knew had hadn’t exactly made the effort to keep contact with the new people he met during his time as a hero, so it wasn’t a surprise the only people he could really call friends were the ones who he had met during school, but god did this make it so obvious. Hell, even you knew more people here than he did.

Bakugo wasn’t sure at what point he became so lonely, when did he start isolating himself in this way? He glanced around. The fuzziness was beginning to blur the sides of their faces again.

“Hurry up, the night is young, but I’m not gonna be at the rate you’re going!” You yelled over the music, and Bakugo was brought back to the present. Right, he was following you. You were going to get him a great drink, and hopefully it would be strong enough for him to forget himself for at least a few hours.

In all honesty, your voice was a good anchor. He picked up on the fact this was the most animated he had heard you talk, and maybe it should have been some sort of warning that it came with the topic of becoming intoxicated, but Bakugo decided to gloss over it.

“So? What’s the drink of yours?” Bakugo asked once the two of you had arrived at the home bar he distinctly remembered helping Kyoka install for Denki’s birthday a few years back. The lights had faded to blue at this end of the room, the coolness easing the throb in his head only slightly. You slipped around the back of the counter, appearing at the other side with an easy grin on your face. For a startling second, Bakugo was brought back to you in your store, the air of professionalism you held in your disposition hard to ignore.

“Give me a minute.” You called over your shoulder, back facing him as you rummaged around in Denki’s alcohol cupboards. You re-emerged with several bottles in hand, drinks he hadn’t even heard of. With the trained practice of someone of skill, you mixed the drinks together, and Bakugo could only watch your hands move, colours swirling in a mix of pinks, greens, yellows and reds.

Mixing drinks. Add that to the list of things you could do that he couldn’t.

Tapping salt around the rim and sliding a lime slice onto the side for a finishing touch, you pushed the drink before him, the same self-satisfied smirk on your face. He squinted at your creation. It was a starling pink, almost unnaturally so, with a weird gleam of sparkles flowing around the liquid. He glanced up towards you in distrust, down at the drink, then once more at you. You merely levelled him with a composed stare, eyebrows raised expectantly. With an unconcerned shrug, and a sudden indifference to his own bodily autonomy, Bakugo knocked back the drink, taking a few large gulps before setting it back on the counter.

It didn’t burn as it ran down his throat as he expected (and half-wished for, to take the edge off). Rather, it had a bursting sweet flavour, spreading out a warmth in his chest the moment he swallowed. The buzz was immediate, dulling his senses and causing a pink haze the cover his vision.

“So?” You asked, seemingly satisfied as you watched him scan the room with an awe that he couldn’t hide.

“It’s… not like a beer.” You laughed, and Bakugo turned to look at you. Your face, clear as day to see, was silhouetted with purple, the lights mingling to soften your features with an unexpected gentleness.

“That’s sort of the whole point.” The two of you took a sip. He could feel a flush growing on his cheeks, the alcohol beginning to kick in much earlier than he would have liked. The numbness that was beginning to take over wasn’t a particularly unwelcome feeling, however, and Bakugo was for once grateful for his light-weightiness.

“How’s your lady-friend?” You were leaning on the counter, fixing Bakugo with an even stare. He sighed, sobering up slightly at the thought of Ochako.

“Not good. Those flowers I got from you barely survived two days, by the way,” he grumbled, the slight growl in his voice making you purse your lips.

“That’s not good.” You mumbled, taking another sip from your drink. Seeing you, Bakugo did the same, taking a few large gulps that made his thoughts hazy before slamming the glass back down. Wordlessly, you began fixing him a drink, deep in thought.

“Yeah, I know it’s not good! What kinda flowers die in two days?” He barked, cheeks going slightly pink. You shook your head, gesturing to something across the room that Bakugo had to squint to realise what it was.

Irises and magnolias.

Kyoka’s bouquet. One you had made in advance, older than his by at least half a week. It was perfectly alive, purples and yellows glowing almost brighter than the first time he had seen them.

“Hah?” He gaped. You shook your head again, displeasure written on your face.

“There’s a reason my shop is so popular, you know,” you spoke, drawing his attention back to you. Another pink, untouched drink lay in front of him, and he took a nervous swig of it. The taste wasn’t nearly as sweet the first time, but he just pinned that down to having an idea of the taste.

“Why?” He responded, feeling something more serious weigh on his mind.

“It’s my quirk. Anything I cultivate- like flowers- adapts to its environment.” He tilted his head, and you sighed, evident that he wasn’t getting it.

“It takes in the atmosphere. For example, you bring a bouquet of flowers home to a house of love, affection, and- above all- happiness, it will reflect that. Never dying. Looking even better than when you got it. On the other hand, if you bring flowers home to a house of regret, hate and sadness…” you bit your lip, looking away from the stricken expression on Bakugo’s face. His breath hitched in his throat.

“Don’t say it.” He gulped, “Please.” With a sad sigh, you crossed your arms.

“They’ll die.”

Bakugo’s drink suddenly tasted very sour.

“I gotta go.” He mumbled, patting down his jacket for his keys. The barstool screeched against the ground as he stood up, protesting against the sudden movement. You sighed; bringing his drink back into the mixer and combining it with yours before pouring it back out. He almost stopped to admire the purple shine.

“Where are you gonna go?” You asked, voice veiled by a monotone that he recognised as some sort of weird disillusionment you used to hide whatever you were feeling.

“Anywhere.” He growled, rifling through the pockets of his pants. You rolled your eyes.

“Ochako has your keys.” He did stop this time, shoulders slumping down in realisation. You frowned, “I saw her with them earlier, if it helps any.” There was a momentary silence, and despite the music, all Bakugo could hear was a ringing in his ears.

“Sit down.” It should’ve been a question, but your tone suggested anything but. With a sullen resignation, Bakugo did as you said, slipping back into his chair. You pushed the glass towards him, offering the purple concoction with a look of pity in your eyes.

Without a question, Bakugo gulped the drink. It was a weird mix of a coolness that washed down his throat and a fiery heat that bloomed in his chest, a burn in his lungs that he recognised from breathing in air far too cold. He didn’t bother to ask you what it did, but he could feel his muscles relaxing, grip around the glass loosening.

“Thanks.” He muttered. You waved a hand, moving back out from behind the counter and patting him on the shoulder.

“No problem. Let me make you feel better for a while. It’s the least I can do.”

Under the purple lights, he could only nod.

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be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years ago

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Christmas at the Hoods

You escape your family by going home with Calum to Australia for the holiday. And the escape is necessary, but at the end of it, you’re reminded that sometimes family is chosen rather than given.

Reader Insert. Fluff a little bit of angst. You just a perfect amount of tear your heart out but then put it back like nothing ever happened.

CW: Death of a parent, strained family relationships.

Enjoy my masterlist.

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You stare down at the text from your mother. Are u coming home for Christmas? The truth is--no, you don’t want to come home. Home is too stiff, reminds you just how much you don’t fit. And maybe it’s just you, you thinking that you won’t ever live up to their expectations of what your life should be like, and maybe it’s not fair to them. But given all that, you still don’t want to subject yourself to that awful feeling, the squirming in your spot wondering how long is appropriate for you to stay before you dip the family pretend bonding.

You don’t want to go home. But you don’t have an excuse not to go. You sigh and place your phone face down on the counter. Ice clinks around in the glass that Calum sets down in front of you. Over the speakers faintly, you hear the twang and kick of guitar as Carla Thomas sings her conversation with an imagined other. At Christmas time, Calum gave you control over the speakers whenever you come over. He liked the Christmas music you had saved and even if he didn’t always get full on decorations the music helped the holiday feel a bit more real for the time you were over at least.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. “That had to be the heaviest sigh I’ve ever heard.”

“My mom,” you reply, unlocking your phone and showing him the text. “I can’t exactly say, ‘No, I don’t have any plans. But I don’t feel like pretending to care so I won’t be coming home.’ Wouldn’t go over nicely.”

Calum stares down at the text. The exchange previous to this was a Happy Thanksgiving text that you replied to and prior to that it seems like the conversation was just your mother updating you about the changes she was making to the home office. To which you only replied with ‘Pretty!’ but nothing more. He always suspected you and your family weren’t that close. You talked pretty highly of your dad, but he passed away a couple years ago. And you and your mother just didn’t click. Any sort of sustained interaction always seemed to go south. He just hadn’t had a clue just how sort you kept your conversations with your mother.

He had plans to go home to Australia. His sister was flying in too, the first time he wouldn’t have to split his Christmas vacation time between London and Sydney. Calum knew for sure that Luke was going home to Australia too. He wasn’t sure about Michael, though if previous years proved to be any sort of pattern, Michael would be spending Christmas with his partner’s family. Ashton seemed to be tentatively planning spending New Years in Australia at the very least. Sure you had other friends but given the holiday, he suspected that they might be traveling home or spending time with their families.

“Come with me to Australia,” he offers.

“You leave in a week, tops? The cost of that ticket on it’s own is going to be fucking awful.” You take your phone as it’s handed back over, but you only focus in on him. There was no way he was serious about an offer like that. There was no way he was getting a roundtrip ticket for you under three grand. Tickets for that kind of travel months in advance were easily a grand or more. So there was no way Calum could guarantee a ticket for you round trip in a week for a reasonable price.

“I always told you I was going to take you home with me one of these days,” he counters. “Show you those Sydney streets I grew up on.”

You laugh at the way he bobs with his fists in front of his face like a boxer in the middle of the ring. “Yeah, when we could both plan it out and I could at least pay for my own airfare. I can’t Cal. I appreciate it and you. But that’s too soon and I can’t have you dropping money like that on me such short notice.” You take the glass from the counter and spin around in the barstool before traveling to the couch.

Calum drops his arms and follows behind. He’s not worried about money. That’s nothing. “I can’t leave you alone for the holidays. I know going home would just be rough right now. I’d-I’d come with you if you wanted.”

“Oh my god, Calum, no. Go home. You haven’t seen your mom and dad in ages. I’ll be okay.”

“If I cancel I can still get a voucher for another time,” he offers and settles onto the ottoman in front of you.

“Go home. See your parents. Give them a hug. Fucking hell, I’m not worth canceling a trip over. I’ll suffer through this Christmas like I have every other Christmas.”

With a tap to your knee, Calum shakes his head. “My friend absolutely cannot spend Christmas miserable. I won’t have it.”

You shake your head. It’s not like you haven’t had to spend every other CHristmas miserable--what’s one more to the list? Calum looks to the coffee table and spies his phone. He stretches out for it. This would be embarrassing to admit. He wasn’t going to do it like this. In all actuality, he had meant to ask you last week. But you had to out of town for a conference. He hadn’t realized the conference was this late in the year but it was one that you had been trying to get into for years, so when you landed the opportunity, Calum knew you’d take it in a heartbeat.

You take hold of the phone as it’s handed to you. “What’s this?” You ask but Calum remains silent and you glance down to the phone to see it opened to an app. “Why am I staring at trip information?”

“It’s because I bought two round trip tickets,” he returns.

“What do you mean you bought two tickets?”

“One of those is for you. If you want to go.”

You drop his phone into your lap and push to the edge of the seat. “When the hell did you buy these tickets?”

“A couple months ago. I knew the holidays were always a little rough for you.” He shrugs. “At least you won’t have to lie to your mum now.”

“Calum you are the most insane person I’ve ever met and I’ve lived with myself for a while now. When the fuck were you going to tell me?”

“I had plans to last week. But I remembered you were going out of town for that conference and I wanted you to focus on that since you had to present and be on a panel too.”

“How fucking early do I need to wake up?” you asks.

“I-I figured you come over the day before, sleep over and then I’d drive us to the airport.”

“It’s summer in Australia right now, correct?” He nods at your question. “Beaches?”

“If you wanna go, sure.”

“Do I get to say that I’m being kidnapped for Christmas?”

“If you really want to phrase it like that.”

“I’m in,” you agree and Calum smiles, wrapping his arms around you as you fall into him in a hug. “Thanks, Cal.”

“Of course,” he returns softly. He’d do anything for you, or just about anything if he’s honest. You matter to him and even if he does have to kidnap you for the holidays, he’s happy to do it if it means you won’t be miserable.

A couple hours go by and you head home, now having to start packing for the holiday trip with Calum. As you sit on the floor in front of your suitcase, you pick up your phone. You aim to go the weather app and see what it’s like in Sydney right now. But the text notification from your mom still lingers on the messages app. You tap on it and reply. No, Mom, sorry. Going to visit Australia for Christmas.

Who’s in Australia?

Calum’s family is there.

Who’s Calum? Is that the boy you talk about in the band?

“Fuck,” you mutter, realizing there were two ways this could go. You hadn’t ever really talked about your friends with your mother. Your dad knew and he filled her in a little bit, but even still you didn’t tell him a lot before he died. Mostly because you were afraid. What would happen if you told him everything and you needed help and he died? He’d be the only one to know and then he’d be gone. You’d have no one. So you told him half of everything. You told him about the band and some of your friends and you told him that you were doing okay. But you didn’t tell him that you were finally starting to figure what what you were meant to be doing on this earth. You didn’t tell him that you were dating around. Your dad only knew half the truth and now you realized all he could tell was half your truth to your mother. He could only convey what he knew and your mother didn’t always listen too well. She always got into her head what she wanted to hear and that’s the version she went with.

You can almost imagine your mother now, sitting on her couch tapping at the screen of her phone with one finger and looking up to the kitchen where your dad would usually be--and here, she would call out to your dad to ask Do you know about this Calum fella? They ever talk to you about ‘im? And your dad would reply in some sorts clipped and in half truths, Yeah, they’re friends or something. He’s got a good head on his shoulders from what I could tell. Because that what your dad would always say about any of your friends, that they always had a good head on their shoulders because he trusted you.

Your dad told you once that he said they always had a good head on their shoulders because you had a good head on yours and you’d never be friends with anyone that didn’t match morals like yours. He knew you’d never get mixed up in something that you couldn’t see yourself out of because he had raised you, because he had to trust you now; his fears couldn’t stand in the way of you living your life.

If you could tell your dad the whole truth, you would. You would tell him the first year after his diagnosis you lost yourself. You’d tell him that Calum had found you more than once on the edge of something dark and secured you to his chest for nights on end. He’d take you the studio with you just so you wouldn’t be alone. You’d tell your dad about the times you cooked all his favorites just so your house smelt of him. You’d tell him that even though you and your mother fought and you felt like you were always at arm’s length with some family, you always loved him. You’d tell him everything in full detail so that when he died, he would die knowing fully.

Yeah, you start typing to reply to your mother’s question, he’s the guy in the band.

Enjoy. But you should see family during this season too. Remember the ones that have been with you through thick and thin.

You don’t respond to the text. More than half of your mom’s side didn’t show up to the funeral. They never liked your dad all too much and you were slowly uncovering why. But no matter the reasons, it hurt. It hurt to walk with your mother down the aisle of that church to the funeral procession and seeing a halfway empty church because her side hadn’t supported the marriage. Your father was dead and the least they could do was show up to a fucking funeral. There’s no thick or thin in that, just them.

Another text buzzes through your phone. It’s from your aunt, on your dad’s side. We’re loving the pj’s! Nana’s rocking the new slippers and everything. Take care and rest. Wanna come by for New Years? We may be old but we can still keep up!

You laugh at the photo of your grandmother, sleeping as she sits on the couch, bundling up in the robe you also ordered for her. The new slippers are almost falling off her feet. That’s keeping up if I’ve ever seen it, you return. I might come by a little after New Years but I’ll bring the wine--you just bring the chips and dip. Going out of town for a little bit.

No worries! We’ll see you then. Chips and dip are stocked. Don’t you worry. Enjoy!

There’s a twinge--you almost want to stay just for them. But nothing feels the same anymore if you’re honest. When you hang out with your dad’s side of the family, there’s a hole. His seat is way too empty, even if you sit in. There’s no one to joke around. Your grandmother has no one to pass on her list of chores too besides finding people in town to help her with. And it’s not the same. They don’t laugh when she hands it over. They don’t joke that they only had a son just so he could do all the house repairs, or lawnmower repairs.

It has to be hard for them too. It’s all around just not a great time. But then in your peripherals you see your halfway packed suitcase, the swimsuits you’ve rolled up and tucked into one of the mesh pouches. Was this running? Or was this healing? Was going all the way to Australia just an escape? Maybe it was all three, but it was running into an escape but on the other side, there was some healing in it too. You continue packing, pulling out some loungewear and figuring how many pairs of jeans to include on this trip too.

You feel silly in your sneakers and leggings as more people filter into the terminal area from TSA in bulky coats. But Calum’s dressed roughly the same next to you, only in a t-shirt and sweatpants. Your phone shakes in your hands. Let me know when you land, your mother requests in the text.

Will do.

“Do your parents know I’m coming?” you asks, suddenly remembering that you will be in their place for three weeks.

“They know,” Calum returns, slouching down in the chair. “Trust me. Mum keeps asking me if you have any food allergies or dietary restrictions. And everytime I answer, she asks if I have checked in with you recently about it. And I have a feeling if you suddenly sprouted some new allergy, I would know by now.”

“That’s how moms are,” you laugh.

“Don’t be surprised if you find your favorite snacks just chilling in the kitchen.”

The thought of Joy going out of her way to find out via Calum about your favorite snacks and to only have them just in her cabinets or pantry makes you laugh but deeper than that you feel touched, chest warming just a little at the thought that she’d do something above and beyond. You slouch down to match Calum and rest your head onto his shoulder. “Is your childhood bedroom still embarrassing?”

A soft exhale of laughter pushes through Calum’s chest. “No, not too embarrassing anymore. Some of the posters are still up and mum’s changed the bedding for sure. A few of my things are tucked into the closet. But Mum’s said she’s been going through things in the house slowly so maybe she’s put more things on display just to set me up.”

You nod. “I imagine there are going to be lots of sports posters.”

“Ding, ding, ding,” Calum chimes, resting his cheek on your head. “I was supposed to be the sports kid. I mean, I was the sports kid for a really long time.”

“Then you found out you had those pipes,” you laugh, tapping on his chest.

“Yeah, then I realized music was a thing. Mali used to blast R&B and I mean blast it. But she’s always had great taste in music so it was never like the songs were bad. They were just loud. Sometimes I’d stay with Michael for as long as I could. Not that I didn’t want to be home, I just wanted to save my ears for a little bit before Mali and Dad would take over.”

“Your dad sings?”

“He’ll tell you only a little bit. But yeah, he sings.”

“So it’s a family trait!” you laugh. “A long line of singers.”

“Mum would disagree with you.”

You glance down and look at the initials inked into his skin. You brush your thumb over Joy’s. You had only heard about her. Once you saw her. Calum was calling home when you dropped by unplanned. It was quick, you waved at her from his computer but mostly you hang around in the kitchen, petting Duke as he wrapped up the call. From the way he talks about her, you know he’s close to his family. You know being away from home is hard sometimes for him. You’ve talked to Mali more, caught Calum a few times FaceTiming her too, or meeting her when she visited LA for his birthday. You know about his Dad too. Haven’t met him yet, but you’ve seen him when you watched the ARIA’s one year and he dad popped up in the crowd while the band performed. You screencapped the moment and send it as a reaction photo to Calum whenever he shares good news. You’re sure he must be sick of it, but he never says anything about your habit.

“There’s a little shop not too far from the house. I used spend hours to looking at all the trinkets. I think you’d like it,” he admits quietly.

“Yeah, I’d be down for that.”

“But first, there will be food,” he laughs just as the speakers overhead crackle to life and the voice faintly reminds everyone of the boarding procedure. You can Calum both stand, slinging backpacks onto your shoulders as you want for them to call group one to board. “Lots of food.”

“I’m ready,” you return.

Sleep on the plane isn’t all that restful, but you take it in stride though you manage to make progress in your book. Halfway through the flight, Calum holds out one of his earbuds to you. “You’ll like it,” he urges and you take the bud placing it into your ear.

Somewhere between the songs that Calum plays and the movie you’re not fully paying attention to, sleep claims you once again. And you let it hold you well past the light layer of sleep you had the first time. Sleep lays claim to you, holding you deeply into its grasps. You only find yourself waking up when the lights on the plane lift just a little and it breaks through your lashes and Calum shakes you awake. The two of you climb from your seats, backpacks on shoulders and wind through the airport to baggage. Thanks to the cat and dog luggage tags you bought, spotting your and Calum’s luggage is easy. Calum easy snatched the cartoon dog but you didn’t put up a fight. You let him have it, especially since it looked slightly reminiscent of Duke.

As you gather your luggage, you hear a voice from behind you. Calum turns to the sound of it immediately, his hand leaving the handle of his suitcase. You grab it for him and watch him, hearing his laughter escape him, as he runs up to his mother. “Mum,” he laughs, “hey!”

The hug looks bone crushing, only the hug a mom can give that even if it shouldn’t be tight is tight because there’s nothing like the squeeze. “Oh, my boy,” she grins. It lights up her whole face and you stand, just behind them, a couple feet off, both suitcases in front of you.

Joy spots you and the grin grows brighter. She releases Calum and shuffles up to you, arms still opened wide. “Hi! Look at you,” she greets. You immediately step out from the luggage. She’s warm and taller than you imagined as you hug her. She gives you a squeeze and your eyes water just a little. There’s something to the embrace that makes your chest tight and you find yourself clinging a little tighter to her too as she runs on about how late it is, and how hungry and tired you both must be. She keeps you close, an arm around your shoulders, hand splayed across your back. Joy pinches Calum’s cheek and wraps her other arm around his waist.

“C’mon, c’mon,” she urges. “David’s with the car. But I just couldn’t wait to see you both. Oh, it’s so good.”

Even as you exiting the plane it shocked you just how bright in the day it was still. But when you look down at your phone you realize you’re almost a whole day ahead, now standing in the middle of the afternoon, as if you somehow only flew a few hours instead of half the day. Calum’s dad is not parked too far from the entrance. As the three of you approach, he runs up some of the way with a large smile. “Aye!” he laughs, hands clapping Calum on the back. “Look at you!” “I swear I haven’t gotten any taller, Dad.”

“Coulda fooled me,” David returns. “Now,” he laughs, pointing to you. “I heard you got dragged along. Did ya put up a fight?”

“Less of a drag, more a kidnapping,” you return but step into the embrace with a laugh.

“Next time, next time, you’ll go a couple rounds with him, right?”

You nod. “Yeah, next time.” You don’t know if it’s going to be a next time but the idea sounds nice. Calum and David load up the suitcase into the trunk before all four of you slip into the car--you and Calum in the back.

“Hope they haven’t scared you off,” Calum whispers to you. You shake your head, mouth opening to say more but then David pipes up from the front seat. You almost don’t catch what he says, but Joy and Calum respond, so you stay quiet with a bit of a nod and watch the lights fade behind you as you travel down the streets. You make sure to text your mother that you arrived safely.

Calum’s room isn’t so bad, like he figured. Though you do almost wish there were a few more embarrassing posters on the wall. No sooner than the two of you can slip bags off and get out of shoes, a knock sounds from the door. It’s Joy, peeking her head inside. “Calum knows this, but you’re free to whatever’s in the house to munch on. I think there’s a few beer already cold too. But,” she waves her hand a little as if dismissing the thought. “either way, whatever’s there, you’re welcome to take.”

“Thank you, Ms. Hood.”

“Joy, call me Joy.”

“Thank you, Joy.” She nods and then slips back out of the room.

“They’ll be like that for another couple of days, but don’t mind them.” Calum shows you were the linen’s closet is and where the bathroom is too. “If you wanna shower first, I’ll whip up some snacks.”

“Oh, that’s some hard work putting together some snacks.”

He glares at you, throwing a towel at your head. You manage to duck it though it does land on your shoulder. You laugh as he flips you off and then heads to the kitchen. You head back to the room and grab a different set of clothes. It takes a moment to get the water right but you keep the shower as short as you can and slip into the clean clothes.

You return to the kitchen and find Calum with a plate of various chips, fruit snacks, and a small section of meat and cheeses out. He cracks open a beer just as you pad into the kitchen. “Want one?” he asks, but you decline the offer.

“It’s cozy,” you say softly looking around the living room and kitchen of the house. Even Calum’s room teleports you. You’re not sure where just yet, and even though it’s obviously a whole different continent there’s something about the house, about seeing Calum’s family so visibly happy to have him back home and the genuine smiles that feels like a warm blanket straight from the dryer. It envelopes you.

Calum shrugs a little. To him, it’s just familiar and a tad foreign. Like he can’t remember if the paintings are the same ones from his last visit but the pictures of him and Mali have never changed. The family vacation photos still line the walls too--unwavering it seems even against all of his mum’s decorating attempts. “Once Mali comes into town, it’ll feel complete,” he states. You wonder how any of this could feel incomplete, but don’t voice that curiosity.

Calum runs up to shower next and in the middle of your munching, Joy returns to the kitchen too. “I’m surprised you’re still standing upright.”

“Oh I could fall over at any point. Keep an eye out.”

Leaning into the counter she nods. “Time zones are killer. I’d say try to make it through as much of today as you can and then zoink out later on. Might be easier to adjust to the time that way.”

“I’m hoping,” you say.

“Calum told me you went to a conference last week. How’d that go?”

“It went well. Slight tech issues with my presentation but we managed to pull through unscatched after that.” You talk a little bit more about it, but are aware that you feel like you're rambling. When you ask her a few questions, she’s more than willing to answer them but she keeps them short and instead asks you more questions too.

“As the best friend, I feel like I need embarrassing material. Do you have photos of baby Calum?” you ask after a bit.

“Of course I do. He asked for some for a video once and I scanned over the most neutral ones. But if you want embarrassing photos, I got ‘em,” she laughs, wiping the salt off her fingers from a chip and waving for you to follow her.

Calum returns the sound of laughter and you cooing about something, he thinks you might’ve mentioned chubby cheeks and he knows without a doubt it’s him. “If you are going to embarass me I’d like to be in the room,” he states, seeing the photo album open on your lap. He steps to the arm of the couch you’re near and watches you flip through a few pages. You pause at a couple and pull your phone out to snap a few pictures of the picture. He doesn’t miss the several messages still lingering on your notification screen from your mother.

It’s over dinner that Joy suggest putting the tree up over the weekend, since Mali will be in town at that point too. No one objects to this plan and the latter half the week you and Calum spend mostly trying to adjust to the time change, though Calum seems to be having an easier go of it than you. Mali is licked up from the airport and you linger behind knowing that there’s not quite enough space for all three of you in the seat. It’s a little strange to be lingering around in Calum’s old room at his mum’s house but it’s not to bad. You take in all the sports posters, notice some medals and trophies still hanging around to otherwise bare shelves. Among them are some photos too--mostly of Calum and the guys. A few of some people you’ve never seen before and you assume they’re friends from soccer, or other sports along the way.

The sound of laughter echoes around you. Though you do hold onto one photo of Calum. He’s in a jersey, arms thrown over the shoulders of two other boys. They smile wide and big at the camera. The grassy fields hold blurry people and you like to imagine in that blur there are parents hugging kids, or kids running to their parents. There are coaches, people shouting in those blurs. The sounds of feet on stair should break you out of your trance staring down at the photo and you hear more laughter too. But you continue to stare down at younger Calum.

Calum tries to catch onto Mali’s wrist. “Do not! God,” he huffs when she slips through his hold. She laughs, backpack still on and barrels past her old room to Calum’s. You’re standing halfway turned to the door, but still clearly engrossed in something.

“Hey,” Mali huffs out, slipping just inside the cracked door. “Have you found the good blackmailing photos yet?”

You jump just a little but lift your gaze and find Calum’s sister beaming brightly at you. “Hi,” you return with a laugh. “I found a few. Your mum broke out the photo album.”

“Good,” she returns. “Sorry for kicking you out of the arrival party. It’s not normally five of us.”

“No, no, it’s cool. I couldn’t necessarily swing a vote on voting Calum out, so, I just took that blow.”

She gives a light tuft of laughter and hisses just a little. “Yeah that’d be a little hard to swing. But I’ll teach ya a few pointers for next time.”

“I’d appreciate that,” you return and Mali excuses herself to drop off her bag. Everyone seems hooked on the concept of a next time. It falls easily from their lips and while you’ve enjoyed the time here thus far, next time isn’t on your mind. Honestly, you’re not sure what’s on your mind besides not thinking about the text messages you need to respond too. Most of them seem to be about making sure you’ve adjusted to the time difference, if you’ve seen anything exciting. And you want to tell her--but you know you’d most likely tell her half truths too. Possibly even quarter ones. So you’ve opted to tell her nothing really. It seems trivial to explain to her that you’ve gone out a couple times--to the beach and the shop that Calum mentioned earlier. Most of the time though, you spend with Calum going down his memory lane. You rode past the school’s he attended, saw all the spots he used to hang out. Those don’t feel like the spots your mother is looking for.

When the Christmas tree is unearthed and Joy brings out the decorations you don’t think about those text messages again. You instead help feed the garland around the tree to Calum who’s standing at the back of the tree and he passes it along to his mon and she passes it to Mali and Mali passes it back to you. And that’s the way it goes for the lights too. Once those are put up, you look over the bulbs that Joy has. Behind you Calum and Mali are already working to put the hooks through the box Joy approved. You’re trying to help her find the last box in that set.

“Short end, Calum. Short end is what you hook through the top of the bulb.”

“Which end is short then?” you hear him return.

“That end,” she laughs. “I’ll put the hooks. You put them on the tree. Don’t put the same colors close together. Space them out.”

“I can decorate a tree,” Calum states.

“Sometimes I wonder.”

You find the last box of bulbs in the matching set, under a layer of icicle like ornaments. “Found ‘em,” you tell Joy and she beams, stopping her work on the box she was digging in.

“Ah! I’m not sure how they got separated.”

“Someone packed them wrong,” Mali returns, focused in on hooks still. “Most likely,” she counters. You step over to her and help prep more ornaments. A few look homemade with popsicle stick and felt. You pause looking at them on the table.

“Made ‘em in primary,” Calum answers, picking up the ornaments you’ve already hooked. “I thought Mum would give up on bringing them out.”

“But I never have and never will,” she counters picking them up and proudly displaying them on the front of the tree.

Calum makes a show to wave his hands. “That.”

“You made them and I cannot not display them,” Joy laughs and takes the bulb you’ve prepped.

“I think it should be the star,” you tease.

“Do not give Mum any ideas,” Calum groans. “She needs zero ideas.”

“My dad would put mine near the star. I used to hate it too,” you offer.

“Because he was proud of them! See, it’s a parent thing,” Joy laughs, taking another ornament.

You don’t respond, giving a shrug. Maybe it’s a parent thing. And maybe it’s just a love thing, you think. Maybe putting your atrocious ornaments near the top was a way your dad was saying you were always near the top, he was always thinking of you first. When you blink the silver hooks blur for a moment and it hits you that you might be crying. So you blink again and the tears don’t completely clear.

Arms are around your shoulder and you think it’s Calum but as you turn into the embrace, you notice it’s Joy. “Hey, it’s okay,” she offers. She’s quick to scoot you over to the other end of the living room and hands you a tissue. “Do you want to keep on decorating? You can take a breather.”

“No, no, I’m okay.”

“As long as you’re sure.” Her hand runs a soothing line up and down your back. You can only nod. It takes another moment and a deep inhale before you find a resolve. Joy takes your spot hooking the ornaments and you hang one up on the branch. You’re not even sure if Calum and Mali noticed your quick time out, but they don’t seem to be visibly concerned. You finish the tree half an hour later--many ornaments had to rearranged after realizing the back hadn’t gotten nearly enough love. You snap a photo and you don’t think too much about sending it to your aunt and your grandmother, but you hover over your mom’s contact.

Would she think you’re betraying? Would she find some way to say that you could’ve been home decorating the tree too and that she could’ve used the help since Dad wasn’t around anymore? You don’t hit send. Instead you lock your phone, place it face down and ask Joy if she needs or wants any help cooking dinner. She waves you in happily, explaining the dish she’s preparing to you as you wash your hands. This is easy. This feels complete, listening to the sounds of the TV in the background. Knocks at the door don’t make your heart startle and you almost know, without looking, that it’s David. And he no doubts has an armful of things--food, drinks, and god knows what else.

“Do-do you mind me asking about your mom?” Joy brings up as you tend over your hot pan.

“I,” and all words have fallen from your brain. “I don’t know,” you answer. It sounds so stupid but it’s the truth. The whole truth. “I don’t know how I feel. I-I wouldn’t be upset, but there may or may not be a reason I’m hiding on the other side of the world.”

It’s a small laugh, but a laugh nonetheless that Joy gives. “You know, fair. It’s okay if you don’t know. Instead, we’ll knead dough,” she offers, “or whatever else we need to do.”

“I’ll take kneading dough.”

There’s a nod and a smile, an understanding that kneading dough is the best alternative. The sleeves to your hoodie start to slip down again and just before you can clear your hands from the flour to pull it up, two hands come from the side. Calum, you deduce. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Did Mum put you to work or did you volunteer?”

“Volunteered,” you answer and go back to kneading the dough. The fridge door opens and then closes a few seconds later.

“You’re a guest. You don’t have to you know?”

“I know. Just need to do something.”

“Besides not answering your mom’s texts.”

“Besides not answering my mom’s texts,” you agree. Calum reaches across the counter and grabs your phone. You gave him the passcode ages ago and shockingly he remembered it. “Gonna delete the embarrassing photos?” you tease. You already emailed yourself copies just in case you tried too.

“Nah, no need. You’d just find a way to get them again.” You watch him for just a moment open up the app and the picture of the tree is still loaded in. “Why didn’t you send this?”

“Because I didn’t want her bitchin’ to me about how I could’ve been doing that with my real family. I would rather decorate a tree with you and your family anyway. Just as real as anything else,” you huff out, pushing in a little harder into the dough.

Calum pauses for a moment, glancing over to you. He’s not even sure his ears actually heard what you are saying. “What?” he asks in an exhale.

“I’d rather spend legit any holiday with you.”

He stops you, a hand on your wrist. “Did-did you just admit that you’d spend any holiday with me and my family?”

“Do you want bread or not?” you ask and he releases your wrist. “But yes, I did admit it.” You look up from the dough, knowing you’ve worked well enough for you to be done. The Christmas tree twinkles from the corner and it’s nice to see a family together--there’s no arguments, no need to feel like you’re at arm’s length. The TV plays and it’s idealistic. It’s what you want, not the screaming that occurs on most holidays, no one too drunk off their ass, no one being kicked out.

“I like it here,” you admit softly. Christmas is about five days out and you still need to wrap Calum’s present. It’s currently hiding in your suitcase and you want to get something nice for his parents for hosting you, and you’re not entirely sure what to get Mali but you want to do something nice for her too. Calum doesn’t miss the way you stare, the longing in your gaze as you’re still knuckle deep in dough. “I could send the photos to Dad. He’d probably just send a thumbs up. But, still it would’ve been better.”

“Then send it to him.”

“Mom disconnected the line. I have no clue who has the number now.”

“Send it anyway. Whoever it is, probably wouldn’t mind.”

You shake your head and look down at the dough. It’s done and you place it back into the bowl. The idea is asinine to you. No stranger would be okay with getting a random text about a Christmas tree you decorated and whatever sob story you’d type out. Best not to bother a stranger. Even as Calum tries to urge you one last time, you don’t give in. You move about the kitchen as if you’ve always worked in and wash your hands. It doesn’t take you long before you settle onto the couch next to Mali.

I know this might be strange, Calum starts drafting. But my best friend lost their dad about two years ago and this is his old number (this is their number and they still has the number saved). I took them to see my family for Christmas since they and their mom and that side are in a rough spot. I say that like it hasn’t been years of a rough spot but they helped us decorate the tree. I don’t know who’s going to see this, if it’ll go through or not, but I’m hoping for a miracle, I guess, for kindness in the universe and kindness in a stranger. They just needs something good, so we hope you enjoy our Christmas tree. They told my mum about how their dad would put the homemade ornaments near the star. Needless to say my mum agreed with the idea. If you see this, and get the picture, I hope you have safe and happy holidays.

Calum doesn’t even think twice about hitting send on the message. He finishes pouring himself a glass of water and pour another one for you too. By the time he grabs a snack too your phone buzzes again. There’s a response from the number that once belonged to your dad.

Tree looks awesome, kid, reads the first message. And then another one follows it. Homemade decorations near the top are the only way to go. Hope your friend gets through the holidays safely, but with people like you in their life, we think they will. Happy Holidays and enjoy our tree too. A picture comes attached with it.

Calum leaves the response up. It works out perfectly that the first response sits directly under the picture Calum sent. The first part of the second text is still visible but he doesn’t worry about that. He taps on your shoulder. “The world’s not so bad after all,” he states.

It takes you a moment to realize who the message is under. And you know it’s not actually your dad. You know that line went cold months ago.Your dad didn’t call you kid too much else he was trying to annoy you. But it’s something about seeing a message from that number that makes your chest ache. For a split moment in time, he’s real again. A sob racks through your chest and you're quick to cover your mouth, aware that other people are around. “I should’ve told him so much more,” you gasp and another sob breaks the sentence up just a little at the end. But all you can do is stare at the response with blurry vision.

Calum wraps you into his arms, pulling you into his chest. “Hey, you can still tell him. Maybe not by texting this number but you can still tell him,” he whispers. And though you tremble against him, he manages to get you to the shelter of the stairs. You settle oddly on top of him, your legs draping over his and your cowered into his chest mostly. But you don’t object to the arrangement.

Joy places a box of tissues down next to you both and settles on the step just below Calum. Her hand is warm on your knee. “I thought you were kneading dough.”

You chuckle just a little but tremors still rock you. “Dough didn’t have a lot of resistance.”

She nods, tsking just a little. “Ah, next time I’ll have you knead two loaves.” Once she’s sure you’ve cried it all out, she leaves you be, though most of her comfort was soft reassurance and knee pats. But it’s just what you need.

Calum guides you upstairs and unearths his journal from his bag. Or at least a journal you think you’ve seen him writing in before. “I was going to give this to you on Christmas. But it sounds like you could use it now. Whatever you wanted to tell your dad, write it down. Pretend like your writing letters to him. I know know it might sound silly, but it helps me.”

The journal is leather, embossed on the front are your initials. It almost looks too expensive to even write in it, but when Calum hands you a pen you think you might explode again if you don’t get it off your chest. So you settle onto the edge of his bed, which is barely just enough space for two of you to sleep on during the night and tell your dad all the full truths. Everything you felt like he couldn’t take the grave, you spill onto the page.

Dad, It’s Christmas. Or it’s nearly Christmas. I’m in Australia with Calum and I’ve already had one emotional breakdown. So we need to reset the count on that one. It’s hard without you. Joy put Calum and Mali’s old homemade decorations near the star of the tree and all I wanted was to be six again and be up on your shoulders and have you force me to put my decorations up high on the tree for everyone to see. I used to hate it. When you did that. But now I miss it.

I miss a lot of things, I guess now. I miss being honest with you. I wasn’t very honest while you were dying. I was afraid that I told everything I’d be weak. That if I told you everything you’d take all the words with you when you died and I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone else since it would’ve been one of the last things I told you. It all sounds silly now to write it down, but that’s what I thought.

Here’s the other half I never told you.

Calum lingers, sitting on the floor and finding one of his old guitars sitting on the floor tucked into a corner. He slides over, and places it into his lap before strumming mindlessly over it. The scratch of the pen is hardly audible as he strums but he can envision what it sounds like, see how fast you’re scribbling words down onto the page.

Later in the week, as you have Mali and Calum helping you find a gift to give their parents, you stop at one of the small shops in the mall. Mali’s wandered off to the far corner but Calum’s close next to you, glancing around the walls for something that looks remotely interesting and appropriate. The housewares all look too dated and Calum’s not even sure what his parents do and don’t have to even suggest something like this. But Mali thought it might be a good place to stop so the three of you stopped to look.

“Thanks,” you say to Calum, running a finger over a serving spoon. “For the journal. It helped a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” he beams at you. His attention is still filtering around the store. “I have no clue what to even suggest in a place like this for my parents. They’re not super into stuff like this.”

“You sure a Kiss The Cook apron wouldn’t do the trick?” you joke holding up the red and white apron.

“Hmm, afraid not,” he laughs. The two of you still wonder about the store and you find a couple cookbooks that seem interesting. One’s for cocktails and Calum says it’s a definite--his dad would enjoy flipping through it. Neither he or Mali had gotten one for him before, so it won’t be a duplicate.

“Your mom has a lot of photos you guys. You think she’d be into something like this?” you ask, pointing out to a few picture frames. They’re all collages, just arranged differently. Calum seems to be vaguely interested though Mali worries about the fact that she tends to keep them in a particular way.

“Could make one with the photos you’ve taken over this trip, she loves stuff like that and I’m sure she wishes she could get more photos of us now since we’re gone. We spend a day taking some photos in front of our old stomping grounds and I know she’d love it,” Calum offers looking over to Mali.

She shrugs. “That could work. Sure we can’t say it was from all of us?” she jokes.

“I wouldn’t mind, especially since you two would be doing some leg work in it,” you state.

“If we’re going to do it,” Mali counters. “Let’s go with this one.” She points to a wooden slab with rows of twine wrapped around and clasps that are wooden too where stock photos are currently pinned but it’s clear that you can add your own photos.

“This really blows my flowers out of the water,” Calum mutters, holding onto the paid for box of the wooden frame.

“You also got her the embroidered pillow,” you counter. The pillow has the coordinates of Sydney, LA, and London on it--for each of the cities they’re in respectively.

“True,” he nods. “But still,”

“If you don’t want--” you start but he cuts you off.

“Hey, no, I want to do this. Shush,” he laughs. “We gotta make another stop though. I’ve seen ads for those portable printers and can print photos and I don’t see either one of you with those old school polaroid cameras.”

“I’ll have you know,” Mali teases. But she interrupts her own joke as a ponderous hum falls from her. She rattles off a couple stores that could have it.

“Let’s give it a shot,” Calum returns. The first store is a bust but the second one has it. They grab one of the last ones off the shelf and scurry to the lines. They’re long and it’s no avoiding it two days from Christmas. The rest of the day, Mali navigates, pulling over into random parking lots and telling stories about their childhood.

You snap as many photos as you can. Some are more planned than others but it’s okay. You play with angles, flipping your phone upside to get some cool shots and you’re honestly impressed with the quality of just a cellphone camera. By the time it starts to get dusk, you’re half convinced your phone will alert you that you’re almost out of space. It’s not too hard to sneak the bags up to the bedrooms. You take up distracting Joy just a little as Calum and Mali book it up the steps.

“Oh, this reminds me,” Joy says standing right as Mali clears the first step. “If you need any sort of wrapping supplies they’re in here,” she directs you down the hall and you watch Calum and Mali clear into one of the bedrooms, you think it’s Mali’s before diverting your attention back to the wrapping paper.

“Thanks,” you nod at her. “I’ll be down in a few if you want help with dinner?”

“An extra pair of hands never hurt,” she counters with a grin and it’s become a tradition, or a thing at the very least that you help her with dinner and she’s given up on trying to shoo you out of the kitchen.

You take the stairs slowly, but you can feel the buzzing in your pocket. No doubt Calum bugging you relentlessly that you’re needed upstairs. You find them in Mali’s room situated on the floor as she removes the pictures from the frame and Calum seems to messing with the printer. “Thank you for joining us,” he teases. Music starts up and the door closes.

You settle on the floor next to him. “My job was to distract so that’s what I did. What do I need to do?”

“Pairs with BlueTooth, so I just gotta get this thing on.”

“Let me know when it’s up,” you return and then pull up the photos you took on your phone. Mali helps pick out which photos have to go onto the frame. It’s only a minute or two later that Calum tells you to make sure your phone has the BlueTooth turned on.

“You cannot use that,” he laughs, as the first photo prints out. “I look so dumb in that take.”

Mali laughs. “Oh, c’mon it’s a pretty shot.”

“Yeah of you,” he returns.

You swipe to the next photo and there are no photo blunders for either one of them so you print that one down. Some are in front of buildings that you’re not even sure could mean anything. A couple are of Calum’s old practice field for soccer--the same one from the photo you were looking at when Mali first arrived. There are a few of Mali in front of the place she sang to a large audience for the first time. There’s a picture of the Christmas tree as well--Mali and Calum are in the photo adding decorations to it. There’s one of you, in the middle of Calum and Mali, arms wrapped around each other. You’re laughing because even standing you nearly stumble just trying to shift your weight a little, but the picture is perfect as the sun just starts to step a little behind you.

With the last photo printed, you look over the arrangement and give your approval. “Did you remember to grab our wrapping paper?”

“Shit,” Calum sighs. “I’ll run to the car and grab it.” You nod and head back downstairs just in time to help Joy.

It’s late before another opening arrives for you three to place the gift under the tree and during this time you also add Calum’s and Mali’s gift to the bunch. You managed to snag some cool t’s with Calum’s help for her. She eyed them in your shopping adventure and carted them around the store before ultimately deciding to put them back. Calum stayed behind to grab them off the rack while you went with her to the next store.

Over mugs of hot chocolate--though the Australian heat doesn’t warrant it-- you, Mali and Calum sit on the floor in front of the tree. “It’s been nice to outnumber him,” Mali laughs.

“I’m already outnumbered with you and Mum,” he retorts.

“Yeah, but it’s Mum. She counts but like not really. Now you’re outnumbered by someone in our age range.”

Calum shakes his head. “If you say so. I’m glad Mum and Dad weren’t too weird about it.”

You know he hasn’t brought anyone home in a long time. And part of it is probably just time, but another part is deliberate but you don’t know why. “I’m sure they were starting to think I wasn’t real,” you joke.

“Haha,” Calum gently shoves your legs. “You’re a fucking comedian.” You snicker and take another sip from your mug. The night almost doesn’t feel like it’s slipping away as Mali and Calum take turns on the guitar. You climbed up onto the sofa at some point during the night, asbentedmindly playing in Calum’s hair. But somewhere in it the strumming, sleeps pulls you under, you felt your eyes blinking close but weren’t able to recall when the final blink took you full under.

You find yourself startled awake to the sounds coming from the kitchen. Mali’s asleep on the couch, facing the opposite away of you. Calum’s reclined against the sofa between the both of you but still sitting on the floor. There’s a faint light coming from behind you and you squint against it to see the kitchen light’s on. You settle back against the arm of the couch and let yourself fall into sleep a second time.

When you wake the second time, it’s to gentle shakes and you’re not even sure you had fallen asleep again. Until you find yourself stretching again and blinking back the light of the living room. Calum’s slumped to the floor. “No, five more minutes.”

Joy chuckles. “It’s your presents you’ve gotten open.”

“Hmm, maybe I’m awake enough for presents.” Presents are slow to be handed out, mostly to the three of you still trying to wake up. But Mali gets the first tear into the wrapping paper and beams over at you spying the two shirts.

Joy loves the pillow from Calum and the jacket from Mali. Calum gets a few things, most of them necessities but the socks are cool enough to put on immediately. Mali’s content with the clothes she’s received and the necklace. Calum thought about wrapping your journal as a joke but he hands you a tiny stocking stuffed with some candies, a cool pen, and some knicks knacks he found during some of the shopping adventures. David’s tickled as he flips through the cocktail recipes.

“What is this?” Joy laughs pulling on the wooden and twine picture frame ad she’s handed it.

“For you,” you answer. “A collective effort between the three of us.”

“But originally their idea,” Calum tacks on.

Joy looks at the three of you, unsure of what trick might be pulled. She unveils the first corner and pauses. “Seriously, what is this?”

“Just keep going Mum,” Mali counters.

Joy continues tearing at the wrapping paper and she gasps for a moment noticing the photos hanging from the pins. “No way,” she laughs, lifting it up to take a closer look at the photos. “No way,” she whispers.

“The pictures can be switched out, so you can frame some, or just rotate it based on the season,” you explain.

The tears collecting in Joy’s eyes don’t get past you but they do hurt just a little. In a good way. You hadn’t seen a teary eyed smile like Joy’s in such a long time you almost forgot how good it felt, but how much it hurt too.

“You did all this for me?” she asks.

“I had help,” you return. “But I wanted to do something or give you something nice for hosting me the past two weeks and agreeing to take on an extra mouth to feed. It’s a thank you.”

She gives you another one of those hugs that squeeze more than they should, more than thought possibly. You squeeze in return and though you feel a couple tears slip down your cheek, you aren’t so afraid of the emotion. It’s something like loved, maybe it’s understood. Quite possibly it’s just the feeling of being embraced without judgement or restriction. You’re not really sure, but you do know you like it.

“Thank you,” Joy whispers while still hugging you. She makes space for the frame almost immediately though it takes a little rearranging of the living room but she finds the space. You’re sucking on a piece of candy, looking down at your phone. You know your mother is still living in Christmas Eve and the only message she’s gotten from you are about you being safe and okay.

I would send this as an actual letter, but I worry from Australia to home would take too much time. So I guess this works as next best. I can only hope you understand.

The easy things: Australia’s been fun. Haven’t run into a spider as big as my head just yet but there’s still plenty of time. Calum’s family has been amazing. I helped with Christmas decorations. Joy and I are cooking buddies. If I never had to leave, I probably wouldn’t.

And on and on you go about the tails of this particular vacation before getting to the hard stuff, how it’s hard sometimes to be home because home feels empty and too far away and how it’s hard sometimes to feel like you fit in the puzzle of it all. You tell her how hurt you are seeing how her side paid the death of your father dust. How nothing’s felt right once and you don’t know what caused it. You don’t know how it started but all you do know is that when dad was around, when you and him had those quiet moments it was closest to right you had every experience until now--sitting in your friend’s childhood home in a whole different country, more than half the day ahead of your own family and watching someone else’s world that you know you’re not really apart of but somehow you fit even as a stranger.

There’s that nagging voice in the back of your head that tells you this could all go to shit. Your mother could read all this and blow her top. But at least she would blow her top knowing the truth and the whole truth at that--that you love your family for being your family but recognizing the detriment happening.

I need you to know Mom. Because Dad didn’t. Or maybe he did, but I know I wasn’t the one that told him. So I am telling you. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to like any of this and I’m not asking you or telling you you have to. But you have to know the truth and I have to tell you.

Before I go, there’s a present for you. Hidden in the top box of Dad’s stuff in your closet. It’s only tiny pieces of me and him, of us, but I hope you enjoy it. I hope it provides comfort.

While you’re not the most crafty, you know your way around a sewing machine. You didn't keep nearly as many t-shirts from family vacations as you would’ve liked to, hanks to a couple moves. But you kept enough and you snagged a few of your dad’s t-shirts and some of his old flannels too. All together it made a decent sized blanket--it could’ve been larger but there were a few failed starts before you got the true hang of it.

You’re not sure the whole message will send correctly and you think maybe it should’ve been an email, but that feels even less personal. So you watch the message lift up, hover for just a moment before it settles down and just beneath it, Delivered, pops up. Immediately, you place your phone face down. A watched pot never boiled and a watched text is never actually read.

“Calum!” Mali laughs. Just behind you they go barreling past, through the living room and he tries to make an escape up the steps but she manages to lunge fast enough to take hold of the back of his t-shirt. “Drop the cookies and no one has to get hurt.”

“Never!” he cries in return. His attempts are half hearted and you can only giggle watching them. That in turn earns you target as a potential accomplice and he calls out to you to get you to take the cookies and make an escape.

You walk over, take the packet of cookies. They’re decorated for Christmas and you decide take one off the top is fair pay for whatever mess you’re stepping into. After your take the first bite of your cookie, you hand the packet over to Mali who happily release Calum to snag a couple. “Traitor,” Calum returns, but takes another cookie too.

“I got my pay,” you laugh, polishing off the one cookie in your hand.

David enters then, taking another cookie too. “I got mine too,” he laughs before disappearing again back down the hallway. There are a few things around the house he needed to repair and Calum had been helping him though you suspect more than helping, Calum was sneaking cookies and trying to hide them from Mali. You offered to help too, but David insisted that you actually take a rest at least once during this time away.

You manage to catch the buzz over all the laughter. You don’t think your mother could’ve responded that fast. It’s not possible. But you slip away from the group and grab your phone from the couch cushions. Your heart hammers against your ribs, you can feel the vein in your neck throbbing.

Thank you for the blanket. It’s quite lovely. Glad you’re enjoying Australia. I don’t know if I can say sorry and have it mean much. But in turn, thank you for telling me the truth. Somehow you expected this to be much more emotional, much more earth shattering. But tides don’t change in the blink of an eye and cities don’t build themselves in a day.

“We should have a board game night,” Mali suggests from behind you. “Dunno know. Not much will be open up for long.”

“I’ll kick your ass in Scrabble,” Calum returns, “Anytime.”

And just behind is all you’ve ever really wanted. But just in front of you is all you’ve ever had, your mother and the distance. Maybe it’s not a matter of what you deserve or what is actually yours by blood. Maybe it’s just time to admit that family is also chosen. And you did all you could with your mother. You told her the truth.

A tear splashes onto your screen and you wipe at your eyes quickly. When had those formed? They didn’t even sting that time or maybe they did and you just hadn’t felt it. You’re not sure. Her message doesn’t warrant a response. Though you do imagine for a moment, her curled up on the couch, your blanket across her lap as she snacks on pistachios and the fireplace blazes next to her. The TV is playing Polar Express, her favorite Christmas film. And if the scene is sad, your mother is sad. And if the scene is happy, your mother is happy. And you like it better that she is tethered to the film’s emotions rather than anything going on outside of it.

“You down for a board game night? If not, we can find something else.” Calum’s voice is close and you can feel just how close is he off to the side of you.

“I’m down for a board game night,” you nod. Your voice quivers just a little. Crying is exhausting and you’d wish you had nothing left, but there is always the dregs left. Just enough to make your cheeks wet.

“You good? What’s up?”

“Told my mom,” you answer truthfully.

He figures it didn’t go super well given your silence. “We can watch movies in my room then.”

“She didn’t threaten to blow up the country so I think we’re good,” you continue on. “But she loves her Christmas present. So I’ll take it as a win.”

“It’s the small victories.”

You nod, looking at the photos hanging right next to the Christmas tree. “Like kicking your ass in Scrabble,” you laugh. “I’m on Mali’s team.”

“Fighting words, those are fighting words. I brought you out here and you already turned over my cookie stash. Now you’re going against me in Scrabble! Really?”

“I’ve chosen you over and over,” you admit quietly. You’ve chosen him as a friend, and confidante and you appreciate him for being there. But you don’t say all that, instead you counter with, “But I think sometimes I should kick your ass in a game of Scrabble or too.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” he returns with a laugh.

“I am,” you state simply. “I am lucky.”

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maprron · 3 years ago

Text

The perfect life

This is the third story I wrote today but this time I decided why not go back to my roots and put all the Nalu week prompts together and make one big one-shot so here it is. Disclaimer I didn’t proofread this so I hope it makes sense 😭 sorry for the gaps I am uploading from my phone 🥲

Lucy looked back on the past few years of her life and laughed. She couldn’t believe how much her life had changed over these years.

Little did she know that when she met an obnoxious pink haired boy with an equally obnoxious blue cat that fateful day in that port town of Hargeon that they would change her life.

She remembered how they both found each other annoying but he agreed to help her get into fairy tail so she put how much he annoyed her and left the town with him.

She couldn’t stand being around him and even after she joined his team she found him rude and annoying.

Somehow at some point though they both started getting over themselves and actually developed a relationship that Lucy had never expected they would have. Somehow Natsu went from being the last person she wanted to be around to being one of her best friends. Somehow the blonde found herself trusting her life with Natsu. Somehow she found herself actually enjoying his presence.

And one day during a job she realized she had fallen for him. She didn’t know why but she did. She didn’t want to so she suppressed those feelings she had for her teammate for years, scared of the rejection.

She tried going on dates with other guys, hoping that maybe she could get past her stupid crush, but everytime she was only wishing it was Natsu with her instead of the unforgettable guys who she couldn’t remember the names of now

Everytime she was away from that stupid grin of his she missed it, and she hated that.

She ended up convincing herself that Natsu wasn’t into these types of things so she never chased after him. She never planned on telling him how she felt.

Until one day, she remembered it was winter and the two of them were walking alone, she looks back and wonders where was Happy that night? She doesn’t know, she’s isn’t even sure if she knew that night.

She held onto his hand that no matter what it was always warm when he said the words “you know I love you right!”

“Yeah dummy,” she punched his shoulder playfully before leaning her head against it “I love you too”

“No, I mean… I mean I love you, Lucy” he said in a serious tone which stopped Lucy dead in her tracks. She didn’t believe what she was hearing

“You love me? In what way?” She asked, stunned at his words that were oh to good to be true

“I love ya Lucy, I have for years and I figured if you felt the same you would have said something by now since you are better with emotions then me but honestly I can’t keep it bottled up anymore. I love you” Lucy stood still, scared that if she moved that this would all just be a dream.

So her lips moved for her

“I love you too,” she said softly. Natsu’s body then reacted by leaning down slightly and kissing her lip tenderly. And she enjoyed it.

After their kiss outside the park that cold evening she let him take her out on some dates. They weren’t your average dates and definitely not the dates Lucy had dreamed of but what did she expect when she fell in love with Natsu Dragneel.

He thought that taking jobs alone together counted as a date so sometimes he did what he does best and drag her off on a surprise job. Other times they would actually go to restaurants but Lucy usually was the one who had to pay as he would admit he had spent all his money, Lucy would just roll her eyes and laugh at him. Other times they would just hang out in her apartment and just talk for hours, losing track of time, those were their favorites.

One day however he took her out to just walk. It was a winter night much like the one they had confessed to each other one the year prior. Lucy held onto Natsu’s hand similarly as she did the last time however this time Natsu was the first one to let go, an unwelcome cold engulfed her hand.

“Natsu?” Lucy pouted as he walked a few feet in front of her “is something wrong, love?”

“No” he turned to her with his signature grin present on his face, he then started walking back to her till he was able to grab both of her hands. She smiled at the warmth “have I ever told you how much I love you?” He asked

“Every day” she giggled, he smiled at her laugh

“How about how beautiful you are?” He asked and she smiled and nodded “A bunch actually”

“Good” he smiled down at her before letting go of one of her hands and putting the free hand in his pocket and then pulling out a small box. Lucy looked at him confused, still holding onto his warm hand.

Natsu then got down on one knee and opened up the small box with only one hand. Lucy gasped as she saw the small diamond ring in the box. Natsu looked at her for a second before his face turned completely red and he closed his eyes. The only words he managed to get out at that moment was “marry me”. Lucy smiled at her embarrassed boyfriend before leaning down to grab his face and sweetly kiss him.

As she pulled away she simply said “yes” and that is all either of them needed.

She smiled at herself in the vanity mirror as she gently rocked the baby in her arms to sleep.

“Aunt Lucy!” Both Shutora and Yajeh cried happily as they ran towards Lucy

“You ready?” the happy voice of Levy filled the room as her twins gently hugged Lucy, cautious about the baby in her arms

“I’m nervous” Lucy laughed as she leaned back against the chair

“Aw Lu, there is no need to be nervous” Levy smiled, sitting down in a chair next to her “everything is going to be fine, and then after this you two can make some more cute babies” Levy smiled as she tickled Nasha’s belly. Lucy softly slapped her best friend

“Levy just because that’s what you did doesn’t I should” Lucy rolled her eyes as Levy laughed

“Aw come on it’s not such a bad idea” she grinned, resting a hand on her almost 9 month belly.

“I’ll think about it” Lucy said to get Levy to hush “now can you help get her into her dress?”

The wedding wasn’t very traditional but neither was their relationship. Most people got married in the cathedral while they got married under the tree that he once uprooted and sailed down the canal, something Lucy is still unsure of how he did it. Shutora and Yajeh were the flower girl and ring bearer, Levy was the maid of honor, and Erza, Wendy, and Mira were all bridesmaids. Natsu didn’t necessarily have groomsmen but Levy, Erza, and Juvia all threatened Gajeel, Jellal, and Gray to play the part. Gajeel and Gray booed Natsu when he spoke, which got them momentarily thrown out of the wedding and made Lucy and Natsu laugh. Lucy couldn’t say that it was her fairytale dream wedding but she did know that I sure was a Fairy Tail wedding so what could she expect.

All Lucy’s life she had dreamed of the perfect dream relationship and if little her could see her she would probably be a little upset about how it played out but Lucy isn’t and is glad that finally after all these years she can finally be surrounded by her chosen family, even if they aren’t perfect.

#fairy tail #nalu #lucy heartfilia #natsu dragneel #fairy tail fanfiction #nalu week

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avengersassemble-fics · 4 years ago

Text

Ashes

part 07/?? “a trap is set”

previous part // next part

masterlist

word count 2.1k

Alderaan was just like the stories you had heard over the years. Though it was no Coruscant, it definitely held a sense of sophistication and peace. From the minute the Mantis set itself on the ground though, you were uncomfortably aware of the security force presence that appeared. As the ramp was lowered and you joined Cal’s side, you recognized the man who approached with the security detail.

Even all these years later, you would recognize Bail Organa anywhere.

There were deepened wrinkles around his eyes, patches of white hair grazing the sides of his face, but one thing hadn’t changed: the warming smile he gave the Jedi next to you. You remembered seeing the same smile when you passed him in the Senate building long ago. Cal and you stepped down the ramp nearly in sync, as Bail Organa met you at the bottom. “Thank you for accepting our invitation. I hope you travelled well.”

“We wouldn’t miss the chance of learning more about the Alliance,” Cal replied and glanced your way. “And thanks to some unmarked hyperspace routes we’ve slipped through any Empire detection.”

“That’s good to hear,” Bail said. His eyes glanced your way when Cal spoke of the hyperspace routes, but you stayed stoic. The less people knew of your existence the better. He glanced up at the entry of the ship, where the others were coming out. “I’m sure you’re all needing a chance to relax, I’m more than happy to show you the way.”

“That would be great-”

“Father, how much longer do I have to wait before we can go to Cloudshape Falls? Oh-”

A little girl with braided hair had run up from behind Bail and clutched at his cape when her eyes fell upon the weapon on Cal’s side. In her eyes they held bewilderment and awe, but something hit you hard in the stomach as her eyes soon shifted to the strangers before her. The way her eyebrows furrowed just slightly, the slightly unruly baby hairs… This was the other twin. This was Anakin and Padme’s daughter.

“Please forgive my daughter, she’s never seen a Jedi before,” Bail explained as he rested a hand behind her back. “Leia I told you we’d have to go another day.”

Her frown deepened and she huffed at him, and you closed your eyes shut behind your helmet. It reminded you of Anakin when you were children. “But we always go on Primeday.”

“Please don’t let us stop you from going,” Cal cut in. You watched as Leia’s frown turned into a grin and her father wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“I like him,” she told her father, and earned a snicker from him.

“I bet you do,” Bail told her and moved behind her to place both hands on her shoulders. “While you rest I guess I have other duties to see to.”

“Of course,” Cal agreed and looked back at the others and motioned for them to follow. As you stepped off the ramp and Bail Organa turned to lead the way, a familiar sensation filled your chest. It was enough to make you pause, to glance around you in search of the source of the warmth in your chest, which made Cal stop to check on you. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” your modulated voice said lowly. “I’m going to stay behind for a moment.”

Cal nodded in understanding, but hesitated before catching up with the rest. Your eyes focused on the group slowly disappear into the crowds, and you inhaled deeply. You wondered if it was possible..?

“Never thought I would see the day where we met again,” a voice said close by. You fought all urges to smile, but couldn’t help it when you came face to face with the source.

He was not the man you remembered from five years ago. Adjourned in the same uniform of the other security forces, he held his helmet on his hip as he came up to your side. But his eyes were more calm, as well as the aura surrounding him. You accepted his handshake and clasped your other hand over the back of his hand.

“Dash.. You look like you’re doing well,” you greeted. He grinned and looked down at himself before meeting your gaze behind the helmet.

“It’s been a journey but I’d say it’s been worth it,” he replied before you two removed your hands from one another. “And I go by my given name again, never really liked what he proclaimed me as.. Chordan.”

“Chordan,” you thought over before giving a firm nod. “I like it. Definitely better than what he gave you.”

Chordan motioned in a direction and you began to walk side by side one another. The pace was slow, you basked in one another’s presence and the familiar feeling that radiated off of each other. He led you towards a building that seemed to gleam against the falling sun. “What brings you to Alderaan?”

“I’m accompanying a couple of Jedi on their journey. I’m.. Looking for someone,” you replied cautiously. You both came to a stop as Dash looked you over with a raised brow.

“You don’t mean..?”

“I do,” you cut him off. You couldn’t help but look past him towards the scenery that surrounded the city. “I have to find him without Palpatine finding out.”

The use of the Emperor’s name was quiet, just for him to hear. Chordan had to understand your need to find Anakin, the one in question. He had seen how broken you were that day on Korriban, and the two weeks you spent together after the Purge first occurred. You noticed he straightened himself, nearing you to lean down and whisper something. “I knew I sensed a change in you.”

Before you had a chance to reply someone came up from the building you were nearing, which caused you two to separate. You kept your gaze firm on the distance, to allow Chordan to speak with whoever was coming up from behind. “Sir, we’ve intercepted a message-”

No. It couldn’t be.

You spun around faster than they could finish, impulsively unhooking the holster on your leg and taking a step back. You couldn’t help it, it was yet another person who had attempted to kill you (though it could be argued they had no choice.)

CT-27-5555. Distinguishable by his personality and the faded ‘5’ tattoo on the right side of his temple. One of the ones who saved your life from “Governor” Shuule now six years prior. Setting your hand on your blaster was enough to warrant him to react as well, but Chordan stood between you both.

“I don’t think that’s a wise move,” Fives familiar voice registered in your ears. Your eyes darted between the two men who stood before you, and Chordan focused on you harder.

“Calm down,” he warned you. Fives grew antsy behind him but Chordan narrowed his look at him. “Stand down.”

“Who the hell is this anyway, Sir,” Fives questioned.

Chordan hesitated, which was noticeable by Fives (if that’s what he went by now) who was growing more guarded by the moment. You felt like your breaths were heavy, weighing what you wanted to do, but there was no decision to be made. With a shaky hand you reclaspsed your gun holster and reached up to feel for the latch on your helmet, which for some reason you couldn’t remember where it was. But when you finally got the latch undone and the hissing that sounded after, you lifted it off your head.

You wondered what you looked like to those you haven’t seen in years. Fives had always been one to give his thoughts and feelings away with his facial expressions, and it appears that hadn’t changed. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, eyeing you then Chordan, before his face softened in recognition. “General.. Sir- I mean-”

He was unsure how to address you, given your last encounter with one another, but he stopped speaking the moment you took a careful step forward. He was nervous as you tried to gauge his reaction, maybe to see if he was going to attack you, but his stomach twisted as you stood before him. Fives wasn’t one to get nervous, but there was a first for everything. What startled him the most was when you reached your free hand up to his face, the leathery feeling brushed over his right cheek and traced over the tattoo on his temple. It seemed to confirm something for you. “It’s really you.”

“I.. I’m so sorry,” Fives erupted, earning a frown from the one who had him in awe. “Palpating he installed chips in us Clones.. There was no way to fight his command-“

“It’s okay,” you reassured him while dropping your hand from his face. “You only just grazed me.”

“I thought.. Thought you were dead,” Fives said lowly. You glanced towards Chordan and came to rest your hand again on his shoulder.

“We had to make it believable.. I asked him never to tell anyone, I had to wait until the time was right before-“

“(Y/N),” Chordan interjected, his tone warning you of what you were doing. You glanced at him and shrugged slightly.

“I trusted him with my life, you’ve trusted him all these years it seems.. I can trust him with this,” you reasoned. Fives watched the exchange in confusion, before you let out a small sigh and turned back to him. “I’m trying to find Skywalker.”

Anakin and you had worked hard to conceal your relationship because of the Council and the ways of the Jedi. But almost like how Obi-Wan knew, there must’ve been others unknown to you. You didn’t know if any Clones had figured it out, but by the expression on Fives face it seems like he had figured it out at some point. But there was another hint of urgency that now clicked for him. “The message-“

“What message?” Chordan asked. Fives explained to him he’d want to hear it himself, and with a stolen glance of understanding, you put your helmet back on and followed the two towards your next objective.

The Inquisitor's incompetence was making Vader irritated. It irked him that his training seemed to befall on those who couldn’t even carry out the simplest task: tracking down any remaining Jedi. He knew there were more out there, he could feel them himself. And with his encounter with Cal Kestis on his own turf.. Vader wanted him to be brought before him once more. He would finish what was started if Kestis didn’t comply.

With his Star Destroyer still hustled amongst the stars, Coruscant was still in sight. Standing at the head of the bridge, Vader looked at the distant planet and was silent. The officers below him didn’t bother him, and it was just the way he liked it. He heard the footsteps of a commander approach, before stopping behind him. “Sir, we’ve got the message transmitting to the parameters you’ve requested.”

“Good,” Vader’s voice loomed from behind his helmet. He knew that if anyone heard this message, they would be sure to come.. They’d fall right into his clutches.

“This is Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. The Jedi Order is rising again. This message is for any surviving Jedi, and those trained in the Force.. We’re awaiting you on Coruscant.”

The message replayed on a loop after that, transmitting on the same frequency that Ben’s real, original message had played on. There were six people listening to it in the command center on Alderaan, but silence befell them. Finally, Fives shut it off and the silence grew to an uncomfortable level before someone finally spoke.

“It’s obviously a trap,” Bail said. Chordan had called him away from his family, while you had called on Cal and Cere, who both looked lost in thought. Bail looked at the group he invited, and furrowed his brows. “Why would Vader go to this length for just you two?”

“He’s probably hoping for more to fall for his trap,” Cere responded, rubbing her chin in thought. “He probably knows that the younger ones may believe the message.. Can’t believe he managed to cut it so believably.”

“We can’t risk him getting a hold of any more Force sensitives,” you remarked behind your helmet.

“What do you plan on doing? Get captured?” Chordan asked.

“We have to at least try and stop that message, and destroy his chances of creating more,” Cal said. You nodded in agreement, but Bail seemed more hesitant.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked the young Jedi. Cal glanced your way, and you shared a knowing nod.

The Mantis was returning to the fallen temple.

- - - - - - - - - -

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@robin-obsessed @runs-with-sciss0rs @x-thunderbird-x @xthe-dreamerx @prongsfoott @deviatedwinter @cowboyenorgy @peresphoncs @ayo-cowbelly @lily-paddd @skywalkerswife @chewymoustachio @danas-wonderland @avaragetrout @mrcarbonatedmilk @justapeachysoul @starlingelliot @do-not-feed-sugar @algentforthewin @gayidioot

#Anakin Skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker fic #anakin x reader #anakin x you #Darth Vader #darth vader x reader #darth vader x you #darth vader fic #vader x reader #lost and found #cal kestis #fives

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thekrawratalksbnha · 4 years ago

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alright let’s talk: what is up with the todoroki family (bnha 291 analysis and theories aka 2k+ words of word vomit as i try to process this chapter)

so. we have new information and it’s not really what a lot of us were expecting. i know that i at least was expecting a story that aligned pretty closely to the story we got from shouto — just with a more, uh, tragic ending.

but well…that was wrong. so lets talk about it. what we know about the todoroki family, what we assume and try to figure out what their deal is.

so grab your beverage of choice, a snack, get comfortable, because this is probably going to be a long ride.

where it started:

ah yes. the sports festival. what an arc. and of course, it’s the arc that kicks of the “keeping up with the todorokis” arc we all know and love. here, todoroki spills his tragicTM backstory with midoriya and we are off to the races.

it’s the conversation and subsequent thoughts from shouto that shaped our understanding of the todoroki family.

so quick rundown of what was revealed:

endeavour bought rei. it was a quirk marriage and endeavour was only after rei’s ice quirk.

shouto was raised to be a hero who surpasses all might, to fulfill endeavour’s own ambition

shouto only remembers his mom always crying

endeavour created shouto to surpass all might

generally implies that at this point in time, he doesn’t view shouto as much more than a means to an end (his perfect little doll, anyone?)

he’s not impressed with shouto’s rebellion

he views shouto as his greatest creation, his masterpiece

he was already in training at 5 years old, trained to the point in which he threw up (revealed in shouto’s memory)

shouto was kept separated from his siblings (revealed through memory)

rei states that the children are becoming more like endeavour and that she sees endeavour in his left side (revealed through memory)

endeavour sent rei to the hospital after that for injuring shouto (revealed through memory)

shouto had suppressed memories of rei and her encouraging him to still be a hero and that his power is his own

so wow a lot of information provided in this arc. and it’s really important to recognize that it’s this information that most assumptions were built off of. any new information provided up until now could reasonably fit into the narrative shouto laid out in his conversations and his memories, and so they were.

but was that wrong to do? in re-examining this arc, and in light of new information there are a few key factors that should be addressed:

it’s almost entirely from shouto’s perspective. all the information we get is through shouto’s eyes. (with a little bit from endeavour — but not much)

shouto is a kid, the youngest and in this arc has already proven he is capable and did forget and misremember incidents and events. his perspective is in no way 100% reliable.

shouto only blames two people for the negative events in his life. himself, and mainly — endeavour. in this arc (though it has since seemed to change), he was willing to and did see endeavour in the worst light possible (for valid reason but nonetheless, he wasn’t inclined to give endeavour the benefit of the doubt)

the point of going over this? in moving forward breaking down the rest: it’s really important to consider that there is valid reason to believe that shouto could be wrong. or maybe not wrong, but not fully right either. like us, he’s probably made assumptions about his own family based on his own experience. and while most of it is probably founded and he has good reason to believe it that doesn’t mean it’s true.

so how can we figure out what is true?

other perspectives:

good thing we’ve got a few other perspectives to look at. so what do we know from the other members of the todoroki family.

rei has been pretty far removed from the family since her hospitalization. she’s been improving and now has a good relationship with most of her children. she actually vouches for endeavour to natsuo despite everything.

fuyumi lives with shouto and endeavour. she is the most vocal about wanting to give him another chance, and has hopes for them to be a family again.

natsuo was close with touya before he “died”. perhaps the most against endeavour out of the bunch. endeavour was a stranger to him but natsuo holds the neglect and treatment of shouto, rei and touya against him.

notice so far there is a pretty definitive through line here.

rei and fuyumi both seem more inclined to give endeavour another chance. both reference positive attributes and fuyumi has admitted to wanting to be a family again.

natsuo and shouto (to different extents) both never reference anything good endeavour might have done. the closest we get seems to be shouto admitting endeavour is a good hero. both never reflect on their relation to endeavour with anything resembling fondness. and while shouto seems open to idea that endeavour could try to be better, both have made it clear that they are unfamiliar with what a “better” endeavour would look like.

the most important note here considering the new information: natsuo and shouto are the youngest in the family. natsuo is four years old than shouto, meaning most of his memories are probably from after shouto’s birth (ie after endeavour got his “perfect” child), with a few from a few years before. and obviously shouto has no memories of a time before he was born.

fuyumi and rei on the other hand, both probably have a fair amount of memories from before shouto. fuyumi would have been around 7 at the time of shouto’s birth and rei of course has been around since the beginning.

so why does this matter?

well because it makes it a lot easier to understand some of the information we received in 291. speaking of which, now that we’ve established all this — let’s dig into that.

the pre-shouto family

291 gives us the first time we see the todoroki family before shouto’s birth. and again, while making no arguments on whether or not todoroki enji was a good father or not, it’s clear that it was very different.

some major points:

endeavour speaks about touya in a way that is very different from the way endeavour spoke about shouto back in the sports festival. and in general. it’s unclear if this difference is related to how endeavour feels about touya and shouto or if it’s a pre-atonement v seeking-atonement endeavour. nonetheless - it’s interesting to note.

endeavour comments about being fine (happy?) with the fact that neither touya or fuyumi had his dream quirk. while he hadn’t forget about it, at the time he believed touya could fulfill his ambitions and wasn’t necessarily pushing for a child with the half-hot/half-cold quirk.

touya wanted to train. the scene in the training room with touya was very different from the scenes with shouto. despite the harm his quirk caused him, touya seemed to be enthusiastic about training.

rei agreed to having more kids thinking that it would be good for the siblings to be able to encourage each other. the siblings weren’t separated before shouto to our knowledge.

endeavour reveals that he kept searching for touya.

an important note: all the perspectives—literally all of them—contradict each other to some extent. i talk about how all the todorokis are unreliable to some extent here, but for the purposes of this chapter: i’m assuming endeavour’s to be the most correct. largely because at the time of the events in question age-wise, endeavour was the most capable of remembering accurately. he could very well be downplaying things, or have misread situations — however, since his atonement arc begun, he’s been able to recognize some his wrongdoings and the pain he cause his family. i’m not saying his perspective is entirely true, just that it’s probably more accurate than dabi. regardless…

so once again i pose the question: what the fuck does all this mean?

well…

endeavour was probably kind of…okay, until ~around~ shouto’s birth.

the implications of what that means for shouto sucks. but given the information we have, that seems like the most likely situation. but let me be clear:

i’m not saying he was good. i’m just saying he wasn’t awful yet.

and when you think about it, it makes a lot more sense them him being awful the entire time. it’s clear that no matter what, endeavour was after someone to succeed him and be better than him — but it’s the most overpowering when he talks about shouto.

yes. he did marry rei at least partially because of her quirk. but keep in mind that we don’t have any reference for how they met/got married beyond shouto, who as previously established isn’t the most reliable in regards to his family’s dynamics.

BUT while he did train touya, it didn’t seem to be as forceful as it was with shouto. if they were more of a family unit prior to shouto’s birth, a lot of rei and fuyumi’s accounts, feelings and beliefs have a lot more foundation. fuyumi’s aspirations for the todoroki’s to be a family isn’t unfounded because she has memories of a time that they were, unlike natsuo and shouto. rei’s belief in endeavour having the potential to be a good man makes a lot more sense if there was a time that he was.

keep in mind that while the endeavour we know was very focused on the rankings, he did ultimately choose to be a hero. and that has connotations about his character.

so at long last what is up with the todorokis.

well let me give you my best guess:

what if enji and rei married — not necessarily out of love, but not a straight up arranged marriage either. i think maybe enji initially noticed rei because of her quirk, and they went through some weird strange version of courting. obviously, they had conversations because at some point he learned that about rei’s favourite flower. so maybe it wasn’t love. but with the information we have from all sources, i think there is a lot more we don’t know yet about this story.

they had their first kid, touya. when touya’s quirk developed, enji probably started teaching touya how to use it. the two of them probably spent a lot of time together and enji’s approach to training touya was probably much gentler than his approach with shouto. he also was well aware of touya’s weakness since it was a more extreme version of his overheating. nonetheless, touya wanted to be trained and endeavour could see the potential touya had, putting his ambitions on his first son.

rei and enji agreed to have another kid. rei wanted touya to have a sibling and enji was still hoping for someone with a balance of both quirks. when fuyumi didn’t have both, he thought it was fine and continued forward working with touya.

now we have next to no information about the time around natsuo’s birth. my guess is that things were pretty status quo. the scene with touya and enji in the training room, touya looks to be somewhere between 5-7 maybe. so i’d guess that it took place somewhere around natsuo’s birth (probably shortly after)

i think that scene, is when enji probably started to realize the hard limit touya was facing with his quirk. which could have been the start of a downward descent. maybe endeavour started trying to train the weakness out of touya. maybe he got more intense. maybe he started neglecting touya at this point. it was probably the first big step onto the major slippery slope endeavour was about to go down. what he wants is no longer necessarily achievable and his ambition begins to get the better of him.

he probably was slowly starting to guess that maybe touya wouldn’t necessarily live up to his aspirations — but he still didn’t have a better option.

and then shouto came into the picture.

i’m not saying shouto’s birth was a complete 180 for endeavour. nor was it in any way shouto’s fault. but i do think it was the figurative final straw in enji’s descent. the catalyst.

by best estimate touya would have been around 9 when shouto was born (running off of the theory that dabi currently around 24). so sometime between dabi being 9 and 14, enji put all his attention onto shouto.

and think about that moment: shouto is born and at some point it becomes apparent that he has the quirk endeavour has dreamed of. and the reactions start to make sense here.

endeavour who has long since dreamed of this, forgets everything else. it’s a point of obsession for him. up until now, half-hot/half-cold was theoretical. and he fucks up big time. cuts off the other kids, is brutal to shouto, because he has a clear path to victory now. shouto just has to be perfect. and this cause not only for him not to really view shouto as a kid. but also to destroy his relationship with touya.

touya still a young kid at the time goes from probably training and spending time with his dad everyday to never seeing him. after having the entirety of his life up till this point being told that he is endeavour’s successor, he’ll be able to do what endeavour couldn’t and then getting replaced, it’s a jarring shift. and it makes dabi’s grievances make sense.

everything touya has known has changed going from being the favoured child to being completely ignored and neglected. and cue his rapid descent. his crying to natsuo about why he existed because he doesn’t know anymore. the fact that ultimately the belief up until this point was that he pushed his quirk too hard alone and that lead to his death. his taunting of shouto as a puppet for endeavour.

meanwhile shouto is suffering through what we know he’s been suffering through.

and yeah from here on out, endeavour is an awful dad. but as of right now, most of the evidence in my best interpretation of it leads to the idea that maybe he wasn’t as awful at the start.

but also, it gives reason for endeavour’s “redemption” arc. when he got what he wanted in becoming number 1, his whole reason for creating and hyper focusing on shouto was reduced to nothing. so he starts to realize the affect his ambitions have had on his family. the idea that endeavour could be capable of any sort of true atonement feels a lot more likely if you consider that he has and has demonstrated the ability to not be a flaming piece of trash person in the past.

the want for atonement, todoroki enji’s current characterization just makes a lot more sense if you view it as something that didn’t come out of nothing. as something that was always there, just pushed aside in favour of relentlessly pursuing his goals. and it makes sense that the real bad stuff would have kicked in once it seemed like his idea failed with touya and then receiving exactly what he wanted in shouto.

so yeah: that’s what i personally think is up with the todoroki family history. there’s so much to talk about and i definitely missed somethings so full apologies if i forgot about any glaring facts.

there’s a lot more that could be said. and there’s some smaller topics related to somethings mentioned here that i want to dig into a bit more.

until then, this has gotten way too long so anyone who actually made it to the bottom here—thanks! feel free to come yell at me about endeavour or dabi or shouto or anything else really. this is a super interesting arc and it’s great to see so many elements coming back into play.

also i do want to mention: my whole stance on the “is dabi right? is endeavour right? who is good?” is pretty generally neither. i think endeavour and dabi are both very strong characters that operate in that morally grey area. while i’m not necessarily a fan of the endeavour redemption—knowing what we know now it makes a bit more sense to me. at the end of the day, right now, both have done awful things and neither should really be excused for what they’ve done. but no one has to be right or good. they are both deeply flawed characters and that’s what makes them very interesting to follow. so props to hori for executing them really really really well. love them or hate them, the parallel’s and arcs between endeavour and dabi are very interesting to explore, and i’m living for it.

my opinion is in general to stop fighting over who’s right or good or at fault or justified and just like idk, enjoy the story.

any way, i’m done. until next time!

#bnha 291 #bnha 291 is killing me #bnha spoilers #bnha manga #bnha manga spoilers #todoroki shouto #keeping up with the todorokis #todoroki enji #todoroki touya #todoroki fuyumi #todoroki rei #todoroki natsuo

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damnedparker · 4 years ago

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velvet and sunshine

pairing: obi-wan x reader (gender neutral, no y/n)

warnings: food mentions, reader is sad, very mild general hurt/comfort

summary: college au. little to no sleep and awful professors have given you quite the day, and you need a nap. preferably in obi-wan's bed.

also posted on ao3

more self-indulgent fluff from me! i’m a one-trick pony! but i was yearning and stressed over college and i’ve screwed up my sleep schedule again so yknow here we are. i hope some of you enjoy my too sweet fluff. i would definitely write a cute little au series of this concept if i had the time <3

Oh, college. The ultimate vehicle of stress.

Your first of two classes you had on Fridays had went absolutely horrid, all on top of the fact you had gotten maybe an hour of sleep the night prior to get the homework due today done. You knew you needed to be better about procrastination, you really knew, but there's only so much blame you can put on your past self before you run out of time to catch up on the work that was stressing you out enough to put it off in the first place.

Your one, single hour of sleep had been at the cost of you having enough time to properly wake up and get ready as usual, so on top of being exhausted, you also had to deal with being around people when you felt more insecure than usual, feeling like a slob and like everyone was judging you for not having your usual makeup or outfit on. It did nothing to help your already miserable mental state.

In your first class, there was a discussion on the work due today, and the professor had taken every shot he could at putting down your contributions and opinions in the assignment. The rest of the class was completely silent as well, not knowing what to say. It was humiliating, and had gone on for around fifteen minutes, which ended up feeling like hours. After finally getting out of that class, you just wanted to curl up in a ditch and cease to exist for a while. But you had another class in around half an hour.

You sighed as you got in line at the campus market, clutching your meager excuse for lunch—some potato chips—in your arms like it was a precious treasure. It wasn’t the most fulfilling lunch, but the campus up-charged on-campus food like crazy, so you didn’t feel like wasting too much of your money on mediocre food. You would just eat later after your next class.

Just as you were imagining the lecture you’d receive from him for your poor nutritional choices, your phone buzzed with a message from your favorite person—Obi-Wan. He had sent you a simple little meme, one of those with a cat surrounded by heart emojis, accompanied with a simple “thinking about you :-).” You smiled and almost felt like crying at how sweet it was, despite this being a daily occurrence from him. That man loved his wholesome memes, and sent them regularly, and you were so thankful. It always made your day better.

But after today? The little spark of happiness didn’t last long.

After paying for your sad excuse of sustenance, you trudged out of the university center, walking slow as can be in the general direction of your next class. You really did not want to go; you could feel the exhaustion creeping up on you and you could tell you’d doze off in class, which was a nightmare waiting to happen. Although you had your best friend, Anakin, to cover for you, since he sat right next to you in that class, you just didn’t feel like dealing with any of it today. None of it.

And with that, you simply turned and started walking towards the edge of campus, toward your safe haven: Obi-Wan and Anakin’s apartment. You lived quite the ways away from campus, much too far to walk, but Obi-Wan and Anakin’s little home was just a block over. Your boyfriend had class for another hour or two, but you really just wanted a place to nap, and you didn’t trust yourself to drive all the way home. You would’ve almost certainly been hanging out with Obi-Wan later tonight anyway, so you figured he wouldn’t mind. You could have him bring you to get your car sometime later.

After some delirious walking, you finally reached the apartment complex, heaving out a sigh once you stepped in the elevator, leaning against the wall as it made its way to the second floor. Your brain was absolutely fried from the lack of sleep, stress, and emotional day you had, and you could feel yourself struggling to hold back tears from the overwhelming mood beginning to take your mind once you arrived and managed a small knock at the door.

“Oh no, is it raining?” Anakin’s brows furrowed once he let you in, figuring you were there to drive him. That’s what you always did when it was raining outside, mostly just so you didn’t have to hear him complain about his clothes being wet during class.

“No, I just- I can’t deal with another class today,” You sighed, setting your bag down by the couch and toeing off your shoes. “Obi’s not working today, right?”

“No, he should be home after class,” Anakin watched as you rounded the kitchen counter, helping yourself to a glass of water. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just having a day,” you could feel your shoulders hanging, your posture reflecting your mood. “I just need some sleep. I can’t do class the rest of today, sorry to leave you to deal with Windu alone today.” You scrunched your nose in apology, referring to your strict, and often frustrating political science professor. The man was wonderful at lecturing, but absolutely frustrating when it came to assignments and tests. He often liked to pick on Anakin for discussions, and usually you came in to save him when no one else in the class felt like talking.

“Don’t worry about it, I can handle him on my own,” your friend nodded, reaching over to squeeze your arm affectionately. “Enjoy your nap,” he collected his bag and put in an earbud, preparing for the walk to campus. “But do not eat all my snacks like last time. Obi-Wan hates Cheetos, so I know it was you.” He gave you one last playful glare before grinning and shutting the door behind him. You looked down at the counter, now alone in the quiet apartment. You felt safe here, comforted by your best friend and boyfriend’s belongings laying about. It was clear what was Anakin’s and what was Obi-Wan’s, the difference very clearly seen between objects that were tidily tucked in their places, while others were strewn about in random places. You had witnessed many fights between the two adopted brothers over things like this, and sometimes it was a wonder they were able to live alone together at all. Not to say that Anakin hadn’t insinuated you should move in with them multiple times lately, very pointedly looking at Obi-Wan while he did so. Of course you would say yes in a second, but you didn’t want to pressure your boyfriend, who was very careful about big decisions in your relationship. The two of you had been dating for almost a year now, and were practically inseparable, and he was secure in the fact that you both believed there would never be anyone else you could love as much as each other. However, you knew Obi-Wan was a very particular man, and could be somewhat traditional in his courting. You thought it was sweet. Anakin, who was already daydreaming to you about proposing to his own partner, thought it was stupid, saying you already practically live here anyway! He wasn’t totally wrong. At this point, unless Obi-Wan was at yours or you were somewhere with him, you were probably going to be found at their place.

You sighed to yourself, feeling your eyes getting heavy. You were beginning to crash from your many cups of coffee last night. You headed straight for Obi-Wan’s room after locking the front door. His room was always impressively neat, never any clothes on the floor or anything out of place, except momentarily when you had forgotten to put something away or the two of you were in the middle of something. Painted a deep blue, and decorated with various framed posters or art, along with a few framed photos, his room was very simple. It was just the right size for it to be cozy without being suffocating.

You made a pitstop at his closet, pulling a sweater off the very top of his laundry basket, the one he’d worn the day before, along with some pajama shorts you kept in his dresser for impromptu sleepovers. You changed quickly, not keen to sleep in jeans, and also wanting desperately to lay down. You crawled into his bed, snuggling under the sheets and breathing in the scent of him all around you. Sleep came not long after you settled into the blankets.

---

Obi-Wan hummed softly under his breath, a song that you had showed him a few days ago and had subsequently gotten stuck in his head. He smiled to himself as he remembered the overjoyed look on your face when he had told you how much he liked it, fumbling to get his keys out of his pocket and get in his apartment. He paused while he was hanging his jacket up, noting your bag next to the couch, along with the glass on the counter. He furrowed his brows, knowing you had class, and although you certainly had before, you rarely skipped since your professors counted absences against your grade. He dropped his bag next to yours and made his way into his room, shoulders drooping as the weight of worry escaped them. You were curled up in his bed, wearing one of his sweaters, fast asleep. It was an adorable sight, you clutching onto the stuffed bearded dragon you had won out of a claw machine at the mall on your last trip together, whom you had gleefully named Boga as you passed the gift into his arms, insisting it was for him.

Obi-Wan shucked off his pants, leaving him in a t-shirt and his boxers, before sliding in next to you. He watched your eyelashes flutter slightly; clearly you were dreaming. You mumbled something in your sleep, followed by a happy sigh, and another mumble of something that vaguely resembled his name. He could’ve collapsed in on himself from adoration purely aimed at you.Carefully, he reached over to brush a stray hair out of your face, before beginning to press kisses to your skin, first at your jaw, then cheek, forehead, nose. You began to stir at his affections, sleepily blinking open your eyes to your boyfriend smiling at you. He trailed his hand down your arm, intertwining your fingers together as you began to wake up more.

“Hi, Obi.”

“Hello, my love,” he murmured, keeping his voice soft. “Not that I don’t enjoy coming home to you in my bed, but don’t you have class right now?” Your peaceful state from just waking up seemed to crack at his words, and a lump came back to your throat at the return of your sour mood from earlier. His eyebrows furrowed at your immediate change in mood, knowing something was wrong.

“I really couldn’t handle another class today,” you rolled onto your back, moving your joined hands to lay on your stomach. Obi-Wan scooted closer to you, resting his head against his hand, propped up on his elbow as he studied your face. “Sorry, I should’ve texted you to let you know I was going to be here.”

“No apology needed, darling, you’re always welcome here,” he untangled his fingers from yours, beginning to play with your hair as you talked. You could feel tears springing to your eyes from the gentle affection, the simple relief of being around the person you loved most, and his immediate recognition of your need for comfort. Obi-Wan could read your moods almost scarily well, and he almost always knew what you needed from him to make it better. “If you want to talk about what’s made you sad, I’m here to listen. Or we can just have a cuddle and listen to music.” You managed a small smile at his offer. Always so sweet.

“Can I have all of the above?” You turned your head to pout up at him, earning a happy grin and chuckle from your boyfriend.

“Anything for my sweetheart,” he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips, rolling off the bed to retrieve his phone from where he’d set it on his dresser. He shuffled the playlist you had made together one late night on Spotify when you couldn’t sleep, full of relaxing songs that the both of you often drifted off listening to together, since the both of you couldn’t sleep in complete silence. “Now, come here.” He almost jumped back into the bed, immediately pulling you on top of him. Your head fell into its usual spot at his neck, forehead pressed to his pulse point, which was steady and comforting. Obi-Wan wrapped you up in his arms, gentle hands sliding under your— his— sweater, rubbing comforting shapes into your lower back. You hummed contentedly.

“I might fall asleep like this instead.”

“That’s okay, honey,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your head. You let out a soft chuckle as his scruff tickled your forehead. “Now, tell me everything that’s wrong so I can make it better.”

As you began to detail everything that had led you to seek refuge in his bed, Obi-Wan listened patiently, humming affirmations every so often and continuing to trace lines across your back, his sweater now partially pushed up to expose your lower back. The contrast between the slight chill of the open air and his hands was pure heaven. You didn’t know how you were still talking so clearly; half your attention was busy focusing on the slight callouses of his fingertips against your skin. Everything was warm and gentle, swallowing you up in velvet and sunshine. It was an absolute miracle that you didn’t doze off by the time you finished venting, the heavy feeling dragging you down having been lifted just the slightest bit, both by letting it out and by Obi-Wan’s hold.

“That is quite the horrid day, my dear,” he affirmed. “But you made it through, and it’s over now. You’re here and you’re safe, and we can spend the rest of the night doing whatever you like. You can relax.” His arms fully circled your waist then, squeezing you to him affectionately in a hug. “Everything will be better now.”

“Yeah,” you murmured, lifting your head and slightly sitting up from your comfortable position against his chest. Your boyfriend gave you a small smile when your gazes met, leaning into your hand that was now resting against his cheek. “You’re too good for me, Obi.”

“Oh no, I’m afraid it’s the other way around,” he grinned, a bit of pink settling on his cheeks. Crow’s feet became evident around his eyes and you were absolutely crushed by how lucky you are, how much you loved this man. “It’s a privilege just to be able to make you feel better after the awful day you’ve had.” His words were completely genuine, gaze absolutely soft as he looked at you. You could have cried. You don’t know how you didn’t. Obi-Wan seemed to gather this from your long silence, and the slight shift of expression on his face. “Everything alright, angel?”

“Yeah,” you said after a moment, pressing a short, chaste kiss to his lips. He found your hand next to his head, intertwining his fingers with yours. He squeezed your hand and tilted his head in a silent are you sure? “Everything’s perfect.”

#obi-wan kenobi x reader #star wars fluff #star wars au #college au #obi-wan x reader #ewan mcgregor x reader #fluff #my fics

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strwberrytae · 4 years ago

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So Long, Farewell, and Goodbye For Now -

“I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence.” - Lang Leav

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Hello, You ♡ Yes, You. You ethereal, beautiful being. I am writing to you with bittersweet yet wonderful news - depending on the perspective. I am writing this post to inform all of you that I will no longer be writing for this blog for the foreseeable future. What I mean by that is that I am not giving up writing forever, no. But my life has changed so much over the last two years, I do not see myself writing again for quite some time. But don’t worry! I will be back!

Below the Read More section, I have poured my heart and soul into the real reasons why I’ve made this decision. I warn you, it’s lengthy but it’s everything that has led up to this over the years. So, if you fancy, have a read. If not, I bid you farewell and wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you for supporting me so far. I truly appreciate it and love you all very dearly. Now, if you wish to read it at a later time, I will have a link available on my page at all times for anyone who is curious. It’s a hell of a story if you ask me ~

Edit: Made by Me - also, a surprise photo at the end Warnings/Triggers: Talks of emotional abuse, depression, and suicide but also happiness and love -

When I first started this blog, it was 2016. I had been on Tumblr for over a decade now but BTS led me to writing passionately for 2 years. I was incredibly active and utterly consumed by this website. Not just for the writing, but I was so obsessed because of my friends and mutuals that I made along the way. Can I just say that I’ve met some incredible people on this platform - including my best friend and soulmate? Truthfully, the absolute best friend I have ever had. But more importantly, Tumblr was my greatest escape. I mean this website truly has been my saving grace through very dark times.

In that part of my life, I was in an extremely toxic relationship; by then, it was 6 years I was with him. He was emotionally abusive, had such a short-fuse temper, hated everyone I knew which led me never really seeing any of my friends after college, knew I was anorexic and did nothing to stop me, knew I had depression since we started dating and always argued it as if it wasn’t real, crushed my dreams and ambitions, mocked potential suicide attempts, expected me to just abandon all hope to ever leave home to explore someplace new or get a job that I actually love. He was...just the worst. Never hit me though, so I’m grateful for that. But sometimes I wish he would so it would have given me the voice I needed to get out of that relationship much sooner than I did. But regardless, because of him plus having a soul-sucking job that wore me down to the core, Tumblr was my escape. BTS was my escape.

I fell hard and I fell deep. I created a fantasy world within this world. All of my dreams, fantasies, desires, and hopes were poured into my writing. My imagination was running wild. My activity was through the roof because I was always on here day in and out, just pretending like the outside world didn’t exist. It consumed me...but I needed it. Looking back, it was pretty excessive. At the time, I seemed perfectly normal because everyone else was just as active and saying the same things and doing the same things. I felt a belonging, like I fit in.

But I hated the person I became. It took me getting yelled at, mocked, ridiculed, and belittled by my ex to snap me out of that illusion I built and back into reality. That was the roughest night that we had filled with lots of screaming on his end and crying on my part. He thought my obsession was sick. He thought it was disgusting. It all started because he found fake texts I had made with Jimin and Tae. Don’t recall the story it was a part of but he thought they were texts with the actual members… In my eyes, I should get credit for making them look so legit but he didn’t see it that way. He thought fangirling over men was essentially cheating. No matter how hard I tried to explain, he didn’t understand. But a part of his view was right. I learned that I was a bit too much into it and I really needed to take a step back from Tumblr for a while. So I did. I deactivated my account and disappeared for months. Also because he made me and threatened our relationship if I didn’t. Should have taken the out but ah well.

Just two months prior to this incident, I attempted suicide. Well, contemplated. Everything was planned out. Bought a hotel room for Thanksgiving night as I was working a super late shift until about 1-2am. My commute home was an hour long and I still had to come back to work at 7am. So I got a room. Brought a large amount of pills with me and I was going to call it. No notes written to friends, family, or loved ones. Nothing. I was done. Didn’t think anyone would miss me. I just figured the world would keep turning without me. I had thought about doing this several times before but this was my first time making plans for it. It was my lowest of the low. But then I met someone that night that changed my life entirely just in a 10 minute interaction of talking - nothing special. We’ll get to that later. But this person just gave me hope and to this day, I still can’t explain it. It was euphoric. I felt clarity. It was in that night that I thought I might hold out just a little bit longer.

And thus @strwberrytae was born - but it was far from the same. At first, I restarted the blog in secret. Why would I do this? Why would a 25 year old open a blog in secret? Well, two months after the awful fight, my ex proposed to me and I said yes. I know. Believe me, I know. I was scared. My depression was getting worse again. I no longer had an escape except for books. All I did was read so I had some sort of reality to be in besides my own. But returning to a brand new blog did not give the same satisfaction as returning to an old blog.

I worked so hard on my first blog and this redo, I tried to consider it as a gift. Perhaps this was a chance to start anew and rebrand myself. This optimism kept up for quite some time. Slowly, I added my favorite past works then added some new chapters. If you’ve been here with me since 2017, you would know that my appearance on Tumblr was still not the same. Then I got married in October.

An empty, loveless marriage that I regret to this day. Needless to say, my writing and activity on Tumblr was still practically non-existent as I was still too scared of getting caught. Even though he finally gave me permission to use it again because he could tell how miserable it was making me. Yes, gave me permission. Thankfully, it all ended after a year. I finally went to a therapist even though I hated them so much and all past therapists I had. She was pretty great. Within five sessions, I summoned the courage to break up with this guy. I was finally set free. Nearly 9 years together and I finally felt like I could breathe.

Unfortunately, although I was free, I had to live with the guy for about 5 months after the breakup. Which was beyond rough, believe me. Imagine someone writhing in pain and bawling their eyes out and venting non-stop about all of their faults and wrongdoings every single day. At the end of the day, as shitty as he was to me, he was my best friend too. We went through a lot of shit together and he did have some good sides to him too. So witnessing this was horrendous. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting much privacy either. Writing was not my top priority. Now it’s 2019 and things changed drastically for the better - and worst.

Remember the person I met in 2016 on Thanksgiving night? Well, that person is someone I crushed on every since that night. For 2 years. People, I’m telling you. He did absolutely nothing special that night. He didn’t flirt with me. He didn’t check me out. He didn’t do anything remotely to make a girl swoon but I was so drawn to him. The only word that could describe it was “cosmic” - beautifully cosmic.

Well in January 2019, 2 months following my break up, he came into my store one day. And my god did he look incredible. He was dressed head to toe in black - a fitted black suit at that. He even wore this long, designer jacket to match. Hair shaved on the sides with beautiful, thick dark hair on top. So tall - 182cm. A smile that could kill; quite literally. The canines are on point. He looked like a five course meal. That day, he definitely flirted with me. By the end of the week, we had our first date. Sadly, I also lost my job in the same week and was unemployed for a year because no one would hire me. I was laid off and one of my seniors took my job. Of course, they needed to keep me around for the holidays and then give me the boot. I was devastated. I hated that job so much as it only aided in fueling my depression but losing it was definitely an amazing thing. And! I survived on my savings and definitely didn’t spend my time writing. I had life to sort out last year - like from the ground up. No worries though. I got a job in February 2020 and I love it, so it’s all good, baby. Now I’m in the health field and feel like I’m actually helping people, which I love.

Now, here we are 2 years later and I’m engaged to the man. Someone who makes me smile everyday, believes in me, encourages me, let’s me be 100% myself, travels with me, taught me how to love myself, taught me to accept my body, gets me on a level that only my best friend could, and someone who goes above and beyond every single day to show me how much he loves me. Bonus, he welcomes my love for BTS with open arms, reads my writing, AND has even been sucked in himself to the fandom. Jungkook and Jimin, look out. You got another fanboy. I thought true love was impossible for me but I was very, very wrong.

He has shown me that I can be happy and I have finally experienced true happiness. When people ask how I’m doing, I don’t cringe and lie through my teeth. I smile and say that I am doing well because by George, I am. Everyone around me has seen me over the last two years and made the comment, “you look so much happier”. They meet him and swoon just as much as I do. Is he perfect? No, he’s not. He has flaws just like everyone else but he actually grows and learns from his mistakes to better himself. That’s what amazes me the most. Even if we argue, which is seldom, he refuses to let it go without resolution so we can always fix whatever the issue is. As we like to call it, we’re in-sync. In everything, we’re always so in-sync. I’m wildly in love, my dudes.

So, why am I not writing anymore? To put it simply, I’m happy and don’t really feel the desire to write anymore - at least not fanfiction. Even when I was super young, like elementary school, I used writing as an outlet for my dark escape. I wrote poetry primarily and by middle school, it turned to fanfiction for Supernatural, Simple Plan, and Panic! At The Disco. Along with a very long list of other bands and shows but anyways. I’ve been severely depressed since I was 15 and fanfiction put me in this hole that I couldn’t get out of. I relied on this method to help me get through all the bad shit I was dealing with. It was my coping mechanism.

Now? While depression never truly goes away as the lovely disease that it is, I am genuinely happy. Because of this, when I opened all of my past works and works in progress, I felt nothing but guilt. Guilt for not keeping up with my chapters or keeping my account active. I felt dread to have to escape in this world that I had created. I felt no joy or excitement. It was the strangest feeling that happened all in a matter of seconds. Thus leading to my final decision to take a step away from writing. Do I still love it? Absolutely. But now I think I’m going to re-route and focus my writing on what I love - reality. I’m going to get back into journaling and write essays about love and beauty as I’ve always loved to do. But for escaping into a fantasy world? I don’t know when I’ll be back.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “But you can write and be happy!” Nah fam. Writing has been my aid through dark times and now I mostly associate it with those dark times. And for once in my life, I feel this desire to enjoy reality and remain in it - with the exception of journaling here and there. Even daydreaming is difficult. It’s strange. I love my reality. This sounds like gloating now but it’s truly a remarkable feeling. When you’ve been battling depression for 15 years, it feels really freaking nice to say that I’m happy.

So that’s why I’m taking a break - in a very long, drawn out way. But my hope was that after this long story, you might understand truly why I am doing this. It would have been easier to just say that writing doesn’t bring me joy anymore but I feel that I owe more than that; especially because I really don’t know if I’ll write for this blog ever again. The last time I took a break, I disappeared without being able to explain myself and I wanted to do so now that I have the chance.

Ultimately, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me over the years. It’s truly been one hell of a rollercoaster. The friends I’ve made on here have seen me at my lowest of the lows. But hey! I’ll still be around. I just won’t be publishing or continuing any of my works anywhere in the near future. Seriously though. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This website has helped me tremendously and I’ll never forget it. Besides, there’s lots of other exciting things happening in my life now so you’ll certainly see me pop in here and there to talk about it ♡

If you wish, you can message me for questions or anything you want to know. I’m an open book - at least about most things hehe. And don’t worry. I still very much love Taehyung and still wildly obsessing over how marvelous he is. Umf.

(here’s some recent photos of me as i rarely take selfies anymore haha. and a derp photo of me and the man i love >_< why is the cutest photo of him with the worst photo of me? still cute though hehe)

#me #personal #goodbye for now #no longer writing #bts writer

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a-tomb-with-a-view · 4 years ago

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if you wanna: boregallie + teachers + everybody knows/mistaken for a couple :))<3

wait fuck you already have a mistaken for a couple sooo boregallie + teachers + mutual pining? 2/2

Okay so this is supposed to be a two trope mash up but mama ain’t raise no bitch, so I’m gonna do all three and we’ll see what happens :)) (prompts are from this list, send me two and a ship and I’ll write a fic outline) it's below the cut bc I went a bit wild lol

Okay, so let’s set the scene. It’s in England bevahse the American education system absolutely fucking terrifies me and as much as I’ve figured it out for when the classes have no relevance, I cannot do that here, anywho, on e va.

Luke and Julie are absolutely the music teachers, they’re just vibing in the music building together, they totally jam out when they don’t have kids to teach, and they’re so glad their subject isn’t compulsory past year nine because they hate having to deal with cocky little bastards who think they’re the absolutely shit because they played the violin for a year when they were six, and then they just get to chill with the students who actually enjoy music.

Bobby is the chemistry teacher that everyone loves and clearly just wants to sleep for a year or get absolutely ratarsed. Reggie is the maths teacher everyone is slightly concerned about because he always seems like he’s had a little too much caffeine, but he will help you with your work and he’s an absolute gem. Alex is 100% an English teacher and he’s the local queer dad, has adopted half of his students, but not in the weird and mildly manipulative way, more in the “has tea and biscuits with his a level students and his classroom is always open at lunch if you don’t wanna go outside” way. Willie is a history teacher and he’s super excited about literally everything and people love him, but he’s also not got the patience for twats, who are swiftly dealt with, so his class is always super chill.

Now, there is so much pining going on here. Bobby and Reggie are friends, because the stem departments all hella coordinate to make sure maths topics that are needed for certain science topics are taught before those science topics are reached. Alex, Bobby and Reggie know each other because they’re friends with Luke. Willie and Alex are friends because the English and history departments also coordinate to make sure that students who might be covering a topic about, say, the Depression have a prior understanding, because they’ve covered it in History. The heart eyes that occur when they’re in the same room is probably actually deadly. They’re all pining so fucking hard, and Flynn is the only one with any actual clue what’s going on.

Anyways, because Luke and Julie are dumb and unhelpful (affectionate), the four of them don’t figure themselves out, they just keep pining, and becoming better friends, and pining. So, one time, the gang all stay over at Luke and Julie’s because they’re pals now, and adults should get sleepovers too, dammit, and clothes just kinda end up in a pile while they all wear oversized pyjamas bc they want to look cute. This results in Bobby coming to school in Alex’s blazer, which is clearly too big for him, and Willie just coming into Reggie’s class with no care to the lesson to return Reggie’s t shirt.

This is an English highschool, so obviously rumours are circulating in minutes, and Alex has already had four of his baby gays asking if he’s sleeping with mr Wilson from chem, and Reggie’s class would not shut up about the t shirt. The school are like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you’re in different departments, as lkng as things are appropriate we’re totally fine with you guys being together, but please, nothing on school grounds.

This is where Flynn steps in, because the boys are idiots, and she carries the gang braincell, along with the help of Nick and Carrie, because Nick, Bobby and willie are ace pals, and they’re all scared of Carrie. Anyway after lots of wheedling and whining and seriously shut up and sit down and realise you are in love with these three idiots, they get them to have an actual conversation, but because the four are morons, the conversation is essentially, ur pretty, wanna snog, and their friends watch in awe as they build an actual relationship out of that. They start pranking students so that no one has any idea what’s going on just because they find it funny. Ta da

Hope this was okay :))

#jatp #julie and the fat ones #julie and the himbos #julie and the phantoms #luke patterson #julie molina #alex jatp #reggie jatp #willie jatp #willex #boregallie #Bobby x Willie x Alex x Reggie #fic plan ask

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kagsluvr · 4 years ago

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REACTING TO S/O WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY

↳ pairing: bokuto kotarou x gn!reader, iwaizumi hajime x gn!reader

↳ genre; fluff

↳ tw/cw: (social) anxiety, mention of insecurities

a/n: hiii omg first post ???!??!?//- kinda new to this “fic writing” scene so sorry if my writing seems inconsistent with the grammar n shit… anyway i love reading these types of scenarios/one-shots ahh it comforts me sm hahaha. social anxiety is something I personally deal with and I just felt like writing what i’d think the hq boys would do with a s/o also dealing with this. hope y'all like it! :)

Bokuto

He didn’t really find out about your social anxiety until a few months into your relationship.

While knowing you for about six years, you were pretty good at concealing your anxiety at school and other social events, so nobody could really tell.

His ass noticed you pursing your lips while nibbling on the inside of your cheeks while in a long ass line for the cafe you guys had been waiting in for over 15 minutes.

You noticed the street was extra crowded today for some reason, with many people walking past you guys and giving you weird stares.

You assumed it was probably of the short, flowy dress you were wearing that exposed a lot of your legs and thighs.

You were hesitant about wearing it out, but Bokuto claimed how it looked really good on you and eventually convinced you to wear it.

You started feeling a heavy sensation in your chest as your breathing became deeper.

You looked around nervously while starting to aggressively chew on the inside of your cheeks.

Bokuto thought you were trying to make the toddlers behind you laugh by making weird faces at them (himbo moment).

As you were about to explain to him what was on your mind, he eventually caught on.

“Ugh, I don’t know Bo…” you sighed hesitantly while examining yourself in the mirror.

“Babe! It looks so good on you! You look sooooo cute!” he cheered, walking up from behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

You didn’t struggle that often with body insecurities, but this dress seemed a bit off. As much as it did flatter you, you thought it was really short, since it had been a while since you wore it.

“You don’t think it shows too much of my legs?” you asked your boyfriend for reassurance.

“No!” Bokuto replied with no hesitance. “.. And if any guys end up staring.. Well.. sucks for them, cause’ I’ll be there to show' em that you already have a boyfriend!”

You looked up at the cheeky smile on his face which then made you smile.

“Okay babe” you chuckled and turned to kiss him on the cheek.

You guys get out of the car and fall in the line for the cafe that Akaashi had recommended to you guys. There were only three parties in front of you so you figured that the wait to get seated inside wouldn’t take too long.

Unfortunately there was a large gathering of people in the cafe that took up a lot of the chairs and tables. So, one of the hostess’ informed you guys that the wait was going to be a little longer.

You simply nodded your head and decided to patiently wait with your boyfriend.

Time was passing by slowly and it was nearing 3:30 pm, meaning that you guys were in the line for more than fifteen minutes. Bokuto had his arm around you just simply taking in the fresh Spring air, while you were just scrolling on your phone.

You started hearing footsteps on your right as more people were walking by the cafe. You noticed almost every person walking by took their time to meet your eyes and glance at your legs.

You shook it off and didn’t let it bother you. It was until a group of teenage boys walked by you and your boyfriend and looked you up and down in unison. One of them smirked and winked at you.

This made you very uncomfy and reached for Bokuto’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

He noticed that and took it as a random gesture. That was when you started sucking in your cheeks and chewing at your gums and lower lip, while constantly looking around you. Your breathing became fast and heavy, but you tried your best to calm it down to a regular pace.

Bokuto looked down at you as you were looking behind you. Bokuto then peered his eyes over at the two little kids that were in line behind you guys with their mom. His gaze shifted between the odd look on your face and the two toddlers gazing at you.

“Aw babe! That’s cute that you're entertaining the kids behind you!” he whispered to your ear.

You turned quickly to face him and relaxed the muscles on your face. “Oh. Babe. Um.. No, I wasn’t trying to make them laugh..” you awkwardly chuckled.

“Then what were you making that weird face for?”

His genuine confusion put a smile on your face, making you laugh.

“Uh.. it’s just that…” you hesitated, while looking down at your legs. “I-”

Right as you were about to explain the sudden self-consciousness and discomfort you were feeling, the hostess called the next four parties up to come inside, which included you guys.

You decided to drop the issue and followed the people in front of you inside the cafe. Bokuto followed, with a pondering look on his face. Until it finally hit him, remembering how hesitant you were to wear that dress today.

You followed the hostess to a table in the center of the seating area, indicating that that’s where you and Bokuto were going to dine at.

You thanked her as she walked off to get you guys glasses of water. You took note of how the cafe was packed to the brim and the surrounding tables were full of conversation and laughter, making you feel more anxious.

You became lightheaded and your heavy breathing picked itself up again. Even though no one was particularly staring at you, you felt every glance towards you was a piercing glare. You needed to sit down immediately to rest your head on the table.

As you were about to sit down, Bokuto pulls your head into his chest and whispers in your ear, “It’s okay babe. You’re alright, I’m here.” He kisses your temple and pulls out your chair for you to sit in.

Before you could even speak, he takes off his sweater and places it on your lap; large enough to cover your thighs and legs, leaving only your ankles exposed.

You gave him a soft smile and held his hand on the table. “Thank you, Bo.”

“Of course babe. Just let me know if you feel uncomfy again and we can leave right away. I love you.”

You wanted to tear up on the spot from his response, but resisted and just replied back. “I love you too.”

Iwaizumi

You absolutely dread public speaking. (more than anything)

Especially when it's in front of a class with over 30 students.

Today was the day, where you had to present your English poem analysis to the class.

You were lucky that presentations like this weren’t thrown at you all the time, but you unfortunately had a few projects that needed to be presented every now and then. This poem analysis being one of them.

You felt anxious from the moment you woke up to the second you sat down in class.

But before class, you met up with your boyfriend, Iwazumi.

He is very observant and will call you out on any strange behavior and that morning was one of those instances.

Then he saw the papers in your hands and remembered the English presentation that you had told him about a few weeks prior.

The day you had been fearing the most for the past few weeks had finally come. You sat up on your bed, already feeling queasy. The grumble noises your empty stomach made filled the entire room.

You cringed at that sound and started getting ready for school. Taking a quick shower, brushing your teeth, and putting on some light makeup all were things that you enjoyed since getting ready was one of your favorite things to do. But today, you couldn’t help but groan every minute that you were in the bathroom.

You went downstairs and looked inside the pantry. Normally, you’d easily go for a bowl of cereal or a banana and an oatmeal cookie. But, you were too nervous to eat something that morning.

So, you just grabbed a granola bar and a bottle of water, stuffed it in your bag, then made your way to school.

As you were nearing the school front gates, you kept your head down, twiddling your fingers around. Your mind was occupied with all the ways your presentation could go wrong.

What if you stutter too much? What if you forget everything? What if you don’t speak loud enough?

Those overbearing thoughts were interrupted as your spiky-haired boyfriend stopped in your tracks with a small grin.

“Hey!” he said, arms out to pull you in for a hug.

His sudden appearance caught you off guard as you let out a hesitant “Oh.. hey”

His upturned smile immediately turned to a frown. He furrowed his eyebrows in concern.

“What’s wrong baby?” he asked while grabbing both of your hands that you had been previously fiddling with.

“Oh uh… nothing!” you said, putting up a fake smile to dismiss his follow up questions you felt coming. You pulled out your phone to check the time. 8:04 AM.

“Ooh, uh gotta go babe! Need to meet up with a friend!” you said as an excuse to ditch your boyfriend to head to the bathroom to hide.

You bolted from his sight so quickly that he wasn’t able to make out which direction you went. He walked inside the building, walking to your locker to hopefully find you there. But, you weren’t.

You sped-walked towards the girls bathroom on the second floor across from the library. Luckily, no one was in there except for two girls who were making their way out. You sighed in relief and walked to the empty stall in the corner of the bathroom. You locked yourself in and leaned your back against the wall. Your heart started beating at an abnormally fast rate and you felt the sudden urge to just bawl your eyes out right then and there. Then, your phone buzzed with a notification from your boyfriend.

Iwa-baby <3: babe! where are you? tried looking for you around your locker and your friend’s classroom but you weren’t there? what’s wrong???? you okay?

You stared at the text and realized that maybe your boyfriend could help you ease your mind if you explained what was up.

You: hey, could you meet me at the library?

Your complete disregard of his questions left him in a confused state. Nonetheless, he rushed through the crowded halls to get to the second floor. Once, he reached the final step, he saw you nervously pacing around outside the entrance of the library.

He rushed to you, tapping your shoulder. “Y/n? What’s up? Everything okay?” he said with a genuinely concerned look on his face.

You were unable to blurt any words out and instead you tightly wrapped your arms around his waist and lightly let your tears flow, face pressed up against his chest.

“Y/n…. What’s wrong baby?” he asked hugging you in return, one hand on your lower back and the other gently patting your head.

“I’m so fucking nervous for my presentation..” you sniffled. But you quickly lifted your head off his chest and wiped your tears away. You felt pathetic crying over a simple presentation, but you just couldn’t help but overthink the possibilities of everything going wrong. “I know it’ll last like five minutes max, but still I-”

“Baby. Hey… look at me.” he cut you off while lifting your chin up to face him. He cupped your cheeks and pulled you close, inches away from his.

You blink at him with watery eyes and a soft smile falls upon his lips. “You’re amazing, you know that? It’s okay to feel nervous. But, I got you okay…” he said while rubbing away your remaining tears with his thumb.

His comfort made you feel warm. But, that didn’t take away the fact that you were still tense about your presentation in 30 minutes.

You didn’t give an answer, but instead let out a sigh.

“Hey, you got this okay. If you want I’ll ask to use the bathroom during class, so I can just stand by the doorway of your class and watch you. Just look at me if you’re stuck” he suggested.

You met his eyes. “Would you, please?”

“Of course.” he replied, then kissing you on your forehead. “Then, after school I’ll take you out to eat. We have no practice today anyway. Sound good?”

Your eyes widened as you enjoyed the sound of that. “Yes! Thank you Haji” you said as you pulled him back for a hug.

You said goodbye to your boyfriend when the bell for class rang. You took a deep breath and entered your classroom. After about 25 minutes of watching others present, it was finally your turn. Your friend smiled and gave you a thumbs up.

You walked to the front of the class, palms sweating and shaky breathing. You clutched onto your papers as you began reading. You paused for a brief moment, swallowed to prep yourself for the next wave of words that you were going to read. You began to feel tense all over again, until you looked up from your papers to see your boyfriend leaning against the doorway of your classroom, along with Oikawa. They both gave you the brightest grins and lightly jumped up and down whilst silently cheering you on.

You resisted chuckling from this dorky act. You smiled at them and brought your attention back to the poem. Somehow, their support from a distance made you speak fluently, make proper eye contact with your teacher and fellow classmates as you explained your well-written analysis.

Once you finished, the class applauded as you quickly walked back to your seat. You finished in time to see Iwa and Oikawa waving you off and walking back to their classes. Your teacher complimented your analysis which gave you a small sigh of relief, that you had finally gotten over it.

You felt a silent buzz from your phone in your pocket and you pulled it out, trying not to make it obvious.

Iwa-baby <3: YUUHHH BABYY YOU DID THAT SHIT I'M SO PROUD OF U !!!!!!!!! sooo.. where do you wanna eat later?? :)

You were about to reply until you received another text notification from someone else.

Oikawaaa: you sounded so intelligent y/n…. that was really good!

You couldn’t help but smile at the sweet praise you were receiving, this time not holding back.

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