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glyxy-wvs · 3 years ago

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hey if you accept requests can you make a fluffy fanfic about Lucifer and Mammon being close? like that pic that you reblogged?

Hello, Anon! Omg, sorry for the long wait!!! 🥺💖 I was busy with irl stuff but AAAA I have finished the fluffy fic! I'm sorry if it didn't reach your expectations.😓 It was a bit difficult to write 'cause I'm not really used to writing fluff.😂 But I hope you like it!! (Also, I didn't base this fic off to the art that I had reblogged, but it's still a fluff fic!! It's fan art, and I think I need permission to write a fic about it.😅 So here's fluffy fanfic of Lucifer and Mammon being close.) Thanks for being the first person to request me haha. Please enjoy this. _ A Day To Relax. [ 1 & 2 ]

Mammon's back hurts; he did the best he could to organized the library at RAD. Maybe he deserves this, or maybe not. He sighs for the tenth time of the day.

There's nothing he can do about it because this was his light punishment for skipping classes again. Although he hates doing chores for his discipline, he needed to be a good big brother for Asmodeus.

Mammon decided to skip his classes so that he could be there to support his little brother. Everyone was busy at that time, with upcoming exams and projects, not one of the brothers could make time for Asmo. The latter understood. It's not like he could force his brothers to watch the stageplay with his classmates. But when he saw Mammon among the crowd with his D.D.D out, he almost cried while performing on stage.

(He felt a bit guilty when he found out that Mammon, believe it or not, skipped classes to watch him.)

Mammon stretched his back when he felt his phone vibrating. He took it out from his back pocket to receive a message from Asmodeus.

[Hey.

I just wanted to say thanks for supporting me there.

This beautiful brother of yours is going to treat you tomorrow! <3]

His lips cracked a smile. He feels soft and loved. Mammon chuckled as he took his bag, ready to go home. He had finished organizing anyway; he preferred to play on his phone for a while.

He started walking to the hallways; almost all of the demons were back to their places already. Some are doing their part-time jobs, and some are being lazy at home (Preferably Belphegor.)

"Mammon."

In instinct, Mammon quickly turned around. He already knows that deep voice.

"Are ya gonna assign me another chore to do?" Mammon quickly questioned his older brother, who was leaning into the student council's door frame.

Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose, seemingly annoyed already. He pushed back his hair and fixed the wrinkles of his uniform.

"No. Well, if you want to do more. Your choice." With that answer, Mammon crossed his arms, a pout on his face— ready to complain. But Lucifer stopped him.

"Remember that cafe I showed you the other day? Let's go there, my treat." Lucifer stated; he laughed when he saw Mammon froze.

"I don't believe you." His eyes narrowed, looking for a flaw in Lucifer's face and words. "Are ya' truly Lucifer? What if you're a ghost possessing my big bro's body?"

Mammon intentionally loudened his gasp; his eyes were wide, one hand placed on his heart, while the other was grasping on his hair. He paused for a dramatic effect.

Lucifer brought his hand up quickly to pinch his brother's cheek. "You idiot. It's me, of course." He proceeded to ruffles Mammon's hair. "Come on, let's go before I change my mind and give you another chore as punishment. Maybe you could clean up the laboratory next time for a month."

He whispered the last part, but Lucifer knew Mammon could hear him, making the second-born whine.

The two exited the school, taking a detour through the streets.

"I thought yah were gonna give me another punishment." Mammon broke out the silence; Lucifer hummed before replying.

"Why would I? I only gave you a chore for skipping classes, but you being there for Asmodeus? You don't deserve punishment for that."

Mammon stared at the far distance. The cafe they were going to has a nearby sea, and he smiled at his elder brother's words; he enjoyed these simple moments between them. (They're rare. They don't hang out anymore like they used to do in the Celestrial realm. That's why, as much as possible, Mammon cherished these moments.)

Mammon could say that he's close with Lucifer, but not like before— It's weird. Lucifer is his older brother, his family. But as time passed by, Mammon started to get nervous whenever he had done something wrong. He doesn't want to anger and disappoint Lucifer. (But sometimes, he can't help it— he misses his big brother's attention.)

"We're here," Lucifer said. Mammon followed the latter's gaze and immediately formed star-shaped eyes.

"WOAH!! I didn't expect it to be this cool! I only saw the picture but never expected that it would be this big!"

Mammon kept looking around the newly built cafe. The cafe was a bit massive, with a view of the sea beside it. Its structure is similar to a casino. Mammon could already smell the fresh-baked bread and pies inside, making him giggle.

Mammon had loved the view it was showing; he could eat while staring at the horizon. The cafe was located on top of a hill, not too far from the beach. It looks so nostalgic and therapeutic that Mammon took his time admiring the whole place while Lucifer already entered the cafe.

Mammon wished it wasn't too expensive. He knows that Lucifer would be the one to pay, but he doesn't want to burden him with that kind of responsibility. The second-born tried to grasp the wallet on his bag, but then he hesitated. Mammon recalled that the money in there was a payment to his debt.

Ah, yes. Mammon needed to pay it today but decided it would be better to bond with his brother first.

He sighed, still has a firm grip on his bag. He's feeling unwanted emotions today. He wants to cry, laugh, or do something he doesn't usually do. Mammon was overwhelmed with emotions.

He remembered Levi's words that it's okay to be feeling emotions you usually can't explain. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be a reason.

Mammon's snapped out of his thoughts, thinking that Lucifer was likely waiting for him inside. He turned to see the display of different pastries outside, and Mammon immediately recognized Simeon's art.

Mammon recalled Simeon's word. He said that he's going to work part-time somewhere near the sea. And this made Mammon excited. He had already counted the treats and thinking which one would his brothers choose. After planning, he tried to hurry inside but suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Mammon looked over to his shoulder to see an unfamiliar demon. Their body is most likely the same size as Beelzebub but with a strict stare present. Mammon felt like he was burning.

"Heya! May I ask—who are you?" Mammon said; his tone wasn't that confident, and it's evident with his form that Mammon's going to run away in any second now.

He felt the grip on his shoulder got tighter, and the demon dragged Mammon into a less crowded area. He knows he's far powerful than this guy; he's one of the princes of Devildom. He's the Avatar of Greed. But man, he entirely wants to relax today. Mammon tried to stand with honor and kept his breathing in control.

The demon startled him. "Where's the money?"

And then Mammon realized.

"Oh!? You must be the brother's witch! Ah, here— give me a minute," Mammon took out his wallet and gave them the money. He doesn't feel that nervous anymore. Okay— he lied, maybe a little bit. Can't a demon have fears too? "Geez, you scared the hell out of me for a second there. The agreement was me and her meeting later." He muttered the last part.

But a dark aura surrounded him, and Mammon quickly backed away. He can't meet the other demon's eyes, but he can feel the rage from him.

Is the money not enough?? It can't be. I perfectly counted this; I also worked hard for this. What else could be missing???

"With all due respect, please don't go any nearer to him."

A voice. It must be Lucifer's. Mammon couldn't stop overthinking. What if Lucifer scolds him after this? What if Lucifer started to regret spending time with Mammon because of this?

Mammon looked up, tears threatening to fall. He saw his elder brother, standing behind them as classy as ever. His composure is straight, yet the glaring eyes are full of terror. Mammon recognized Lucifer's stance. It's for preparing himself to change into his demon form if the rest of his younger brothers are in serious trouble.

When the demon started to get closer to Mammon, the latter only felt a swift wind before realizing that Lucifer was there, in front of him now. "Didn't you hear what I said? What else do you need from him?"

"The money."

"It's not sufficient? Then alright, here." Lucifer took out his wallet to satisfy the demon in front of them. Mammon's full-out panicking now. His older brother saved him from trouble, and now he's going to be a disappointment in Lucifer's eyes.

"There, you got the money. Tell your sister that my brother had paid the debt." Lucifer dragged Mammon out of the other demon's sight. He looked back with sharp eyes.

"And as great as reasonable, if you're looking for Mammon—" He looked back with sharp eyes. "—strictly appear to see me. Thank you."

Both never turned their eyes back again as they entered the shop. Mammon quickly explained the whole situation. "I'm sorry! I'm sure— precisely sure that I had counted that money. And it's exactly the price the witch had been asking. I don't know what he's up to with—" He kept on babbling as they reached their reserved seats. Lucifer sighed.

"Look, stop chattering; it's annoying. I believe you. Can't I have a day where I relax with my little brother under no stress or orders whatsoever? Seeing you outside in that kind of situation is making my blood boil. How dare he waste such time when you and I could have been eating here already."

Mammon snickered, ah yeh— It's been so long that he forgot how dramatic Lucifer could be at times.

"Forget about it, Mammon. You had settled the debt, and the food that I ordered is already here. But make sure whenever you're going to meet someone concerning payment, always inform me. I'm serious. If the shares had been a burden to handle, you are welcome to visit my office anytime."

Lucifer already had bread in his mouth, but his expression is still irritable from the situation earlier. Mammon can feel his tears coming back again. Why am I so emotional today?

"Ah. Uhm, hey—" He called out to his older brother. "Thanks for backing me up earlier. I appreciated it!"

Lucifer munched the donut he was holding and then drank the newly served tea. His gaze was on the view outside, seemingly avoiding eye contact. "Hm? Of course. I'm your big brother after all, in case you forgot about it."

In moments like this, it was a rare scene between him and Lucifer. They usually argue and sometimes making each other's day stressful. But, just them eldest brothers, talking and sharing random topics— Mammon cherished this.

And behind that frown the eldest always wears, Lucifer could say the same too. He loved calm moments like this.

"But ain't Michael my first big brother?" Mammon teased. Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Silence, you have no elder brother other than me. Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, and Belphegor, you all are my baby brothers." And when Lucifer realized what he said, he quickly replaced the topic. "And eat the dessert I ordered for you."

Mammon's eyes turned into stars immediately when he recognized the smell, "Woah, no way?! How did you know this was my favorite?!!! This desert is expensive! Big bro! You do love me."

Then they chatted, random topics or something concerning about their home that needs fixing. Nevertheless, the atmosphere around them is comforting and warming. After a while, they had finished eating, and the moon was already out. Both agreed to go home.

"We should invite the others here too!" Mammon stated as he breathed the cold wind that passed by them.

"Yes, that would be a pleasant bonding time. Just don't be too chaotic, please. It's hard to handle all six of you."

It was a great day, Mammon thought to himself. It was entertaining and soothing to talk with his big brother without insults nor orders. Lucifer treated him today; it was— nostalgic for Mammon. It's like he doesn't want this kind of treatment to end. But of course, as the little mischief, as he is, he asked one more request.

"Lucifer!" Mammon rolled the letter r, a bit of a whining tone. "It's night, and I'm tired, yah know? Can I request a piggyback ride?" He knows Lucifer will reject it immediately. So it wasn't like he meant it, already hoping for the worst.

But then Lucifer looked at him, a contemplating expression, before getting down on one knee.

"Alright, just this once. Hurry up before I regret my decision."

Mammon's eyes were wide; he smirked before quickly hugging Lucifer from behind. He felt himself getting lifted off, and it reminded him of the old times, back in the Celestial Realm.

Lucifer doesn't mind; he also missed this. But not like he's going to say this out loud.

I should start spending time with my little brothers whenever I'm free. That would be nice.

#obey me #obey me fluff #obey me fanfic #fluffy fanfiction #obey me mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon and lucifer #mammon #lucifer #mammon and lucifer #i hope you enjoyed this fanfic #soft fanfic #i tried my best #huhu

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thefanficmonster · 3 years ago

Text

Much Cooler

Corpse Husband & Emma Langevin

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: There’s always a certain level of uncertainty when meeting someone you’ve only known online. There’s that sense of insecurity that your relationship with them will never be the same or - even worse - that their view of you might change for the worse. But there’s nothing more thrilling than seeing the person you’ve been talking to constantly for the past however long standing across from you.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request and I’m so terribly sorry for how late it’s coming out but I hope the fic makes it worth the wait! Lots of love, Vy ❤

“CORPSE! Wake up you famous dumbass!“ is the first thing the poor man heard over the phone at 9 AM on this fine Saturday morning.

It’s more than enough to make him contemplate why he even decided to pick it up in the first place considering he wouldn’t have been very able to participate in the conversation due to his sleepiness. He also, of course, made the mistake of not checking the caller ID which apparently wasn’t necessary considering how recognizable that voice and accent are.

“It’s 9 AM, Emma.“ He states as a tired parent would to a child, “I’m concerned as to why you’re up so early. More so as to why you’re calling me of all people.“

He can practically hear her roll her eyes but he still smirks to himself, knowing she can’t contradict him or argue since he’s completely right with his claims. “Whatever. Remind me to never call you to congratulate you on a milestone again.“

Now that pokes at his attention with a stick. Lately, said attention has proven to be a hibernating bear, leaving Corpse with a lack of interest or motivation for anything but damn if that sentence wasn’t enough to roll him out of bed and hop on PC. “What? What milestone? Subscribers?“

“Nope! You got two million likes on ‘E-girls are ruining my life’! I can’t believe I have to tell you this! Didn’t you notice the numbers climbing?!“ Emma, as annoyed and sarcastic as she’s trying to sound, she’s obviously overjoyed on his behalf and is super proud of him and of the project she luckily agreed to take a small part in.

As his PC boots up, Corpse can’t help but roll his eyes at Emma’s comment, “Well unlike you I have better things to do than refresh a page over and over aga-” His sentence is quickly cut off when he sees the number of likes under the song for himself.

Knowing that he’d find it there didn’t change the feeling of seeing it for the first time at all. It’s so surreal and so hard for his mind to comprehend. Seeing as how little he thinks of himself, his content and his art, this is like his success coming to slap him across the face as if to punctuate to him how wrong that mindset is.

“You know, it wouldn’t hurt if you offered to take me out for at least a coffee to celebrate, bro.“ Emma comments sarcastically, joking only halfway from what he can sense.

He smirks, “Trying to even the playing field, I see.” He replies, referring to the fact that he’s still a faceless mystery to her while her face is literally the cover art for one of his songs.

She laughs but is quick to dismiss his claim, “Nah, I might be a curious and nosey little shit on other occasions, but other people’s privacy is not something I dig my nose into. However, if I were to even the playing field between us it wouldn’t be appearance-wise. More personality-wise. For my sake and yours I choose to believe you are way cooler in person than you are through messages or on a call.”

This withdraws a genuine fit of laughter from Corpse who throws his head back, a few strands of hair moving aside to reveal his shiny eyes, “Well then, instead of giving me the benefit of the doubt, how about we settle it once and for all? Tomorrow? I’ll text you the location.”

Emma’s eyebrows shoot upwards as soon as she comprehends his words and the tone that leaves no room for her to assume he’s joking, “Wait what? How come you’re agreeing to this? And so easily? Nah, this a trap if I’ve ever seen it.”

Corpse laughs yet again, “No trap, Em. I just can’t have you doubting my coolness.”

* * *

The main reason as to why Corpse requested for this meeting to be today is because he feared that if he had more than twenty four hours to dwell on it he’d chicken out. Little did he know it was the same for Emma. Their friendship has only ever existed with the bridge of social media connecting them and they both can’t help but fear the other might not like who they are IRL. They fear they unintentionally become a different person or change things about themselves subconsciously when communicating with people online. Bottom line, they’re scared of letting the other person down with who they really are, unaware that their personalities are most likely the exact same because, as the people who know them can confirm, neither Corpse nor Emma are the type to put on a show in order to be liked. They would rather have no friends because of who they are than have friends and fans of their persona instead of the real them.

And so, while slightly afraid and anxious about this meeting, both of them see it as a relief test to see if the friendship is in fact as real as it’s seemed these past months.

Corpse was the one to choose the location of their meet-up, a location Emma didn’t even think twice about agreeing on, and ever since, they’ve both been counting the hours until their scheduled meeting time. It’s not about impressing each other, at least that’s what they’re both telling themselves, but rather proving to the other that they’re worthy of their friendship. They might throw snarky and sarcastic comments at one another that others would give a side-eye glance to and question if their friendship is real, but they know the dynamic best and they sure as hell don’t wanna lose it or each other.

Best friends are the ones who roast each other after all - you can’t tell me I’m wrong.

The nervous Corpse fidgets with the insides of his hoodie pockets as he waits outside the café, having arrived ten minutes early because he couldn’t stand being alone with his thoughts in his apartment, judging every fragment of himself twice as harshly as usual. Emma, on the other hand, could barely bring herself to leave her home. She kept retouching her appearance, despite knowing Corpse wouldn’t judge her even if she showed up in pjs. To be fair she contemplated doing just that several times because her hair pissed her off enough to get her discouraged on her outfit altogether but she did eventually talk herself into pulling it together. She already knew she’d be at least five minutes late, but once again, she knew Corpse wouldn’t care.

He’d wait, cause that’s the kind of friend he was. Cause that’s the kind of friend she was for him too.

And boy did it take her less than a second to recognize him. She wasn’t even out of the car when she saw him and knew it was exactly who she was looking for. He too, as if with a sixth sense that registered her presence, shoots his head up from his phone to look up at her, their gazes meeting. There’s a brief moment of close-to-shocked silence, their eyes a bit widened as their brains comprehend that they’re within arm’s reach of one another.

That’s when Emma’s the first to break the bubble of awe as a wide grin spreads across her face and she runs to Corpse, wrapping him in a hug before he’s even realized the distance between the two’s been closed.

“Hey.“ She mumbles, her face hidden in his hoodie due to the height difference.

“H-hey.“ He replies, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her too.

“I was right.“ She says once she pulls away, “You are much cooler face-to-face.“ She pauses for a second, narrowing her eyes, “You’d be even cooler if you bought me coffee though.“

Earning a laugh from him, she’s guided into the café by the arm Corpse wraps around her shoulders, telling her he’s get her a milkshake cause he doesn’t want to see her high on caffeine. Needless to say, they both are, indeed, much cooler to one another IRL.

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lovemeian · 3 years ago

Text

the tale of the siren.

On the edge of Seine, you meet a broken hearted man of pretty voices and heartbreak songs.

superiorly angst, fluff-ish, hurt/comfort + kita shinsuke x f!reader schooling in paris + mentions of: heartbreak, former relationship + if you see a man singing heartbreak at 10pm, no matter how handsome, pls be careful, this is fanfiction so its a cute meet cute lmao, but irl not so much + it is now canon that kita can sing prettily, sorry + kita may be a little ooc? !

+ influenced strongly by: how can i love the heartbreak, you’re the one i love: akmu & pacman: eaJ.

+ unedited.

+ part of @rintarhoes‘s but my feelings collab! check out the other angst-filled works~

wc: 2,250.

masterlist.

You meet him on the embankment by the Seine, two hours before the howls and yowls of midnight.

You were trotting on with your things, finished for the day’s work and yet still heavy with future projects and assignments you need to bring home to finish with great frustration and yet, satisfaction because this is everything you’ve ever worked hard for after all, and a day’s work finished is entirely satisfactory despite the aches and sores in your joints and muscles— when you hear a man singing to the winds.

You pause not because of the simple fact of a man, singing in Paris, by the seine is something so surprising— after all, Paris is romantic and romanticised, to the hopeless and the hopeful; the visitor full of daydreams of the place and the local who want to mock the familiar, the title of the city itself, ‘city of love, bah!’ — it was the way he was singing; the sound of sadness dripping in every syllable accompanied by bubbly hiccups and bitter snorts.

It was the tune of heartbreak, more than anything, lingering in the winds of Paris, at the rose line river of its heart.

And you know it was better to move away; make a wide berth and go home with half running footsteps.

Nothing good can come out of dealing with heartbroken men.

By the bubbly hiccups, drunk heartbroken men.

But the curiosity eats you away, and really, he was just there.

You found the voice easily, despite the trajectory of the echoes surrounding your usual route home. Still, you fished for your phone for easy access. Then you found a head to accompany such a voice, turned away from you as it followed a clumsy, drunk body as it uneasily walked. Silver hair with dark flecks at the end, and a paper bag covered bottle in one hand.

You observed him quietly, a mere two meters away. His song is heartbreak incarnate, words mumbled then bled at a deeper pitch, but his voice is pretty. Not the beautiful depth of a siren trying to woo sailors to the edge, but one of the wind whispering to your ear. soft and pleasant, raw and unpracticed.

But then he stumbled, tripping on his own feet accompanied by the not so sober stature, and he fell like a tower of cards. You body moved in alert, eyes wide as you he fell on his tailbone, making you wince. But instead of trying to rise, he laid down, a quarter of his body— his arm and leg, swung on the edge of the embankment.

Your heart ached at the laughter that wrangled out of him; it was nothing but pain and agony. As he crossed his other arm over his eyes, your indecisions halted as you crept closer. Close until your footsteps are unmistakable against the cobblestone, but he doesn’t look up or turn, and you settle just right by his side, going into a crouch.

“are you okay?” you asked.

He didn’t move his arm, but his lips curled into a sardonic smile. “not right now but if i’m blocking the way, just give me five more minutes, sorry officer.”

“I am not an officer, but you should sit up. Police is not kind to public disturbances, especially along the Seine.” Your lips lifted slightly, remembering the amount of couples in your class and the utter lack of decorum in public spaces. “They are kinder to lovers though. Paris has always been.”

“Paris is not kind to every lover.” He moved his arm, and brown eyes lined red meet your curious gaze.

“Ah.” Your smile still stayed despite the heavy sound of acknowledgement; only now it matched the sarcastic way he held his own, if only a little bigger, stretched to confine and dedicate the storms raging inside of him. “Well, Paris likes heartbreak too. it is another kind of lover in a way.”

“How so?”

You offered a hand and with a heavy sigh, he took it. You pulled more of his weight than he wanted to use, fatigued and heartbroken weighted heavily like the world on one man's shoulders, but you pressed the balls of your feet and hauled, pulling him all the way to a standing position. He was quite springy with an envious core strength.

“Just like a lover," you said. "Heartbreak learns to embrace. And once chosen to, will let you go with time. It is the remnant of its former stature, its echo, and its hold is tighter. But it will let go. It always does."

Brushing himself off, he offered you his hand as you had stayed crouching. You took it, putting the feel of his warm, calloused hands to your sensory memories. This stranger in Paris with his pretty voice and heartbroken songs, with his hazel eyes rimmed red with clenched storms and rumpled clothes.

“A heartbreak within heartbreak. A paradox.”

You blushed as you stood next to him, closer than you anticipated and stepped back. He smelled of alcohol, soft sandalwood and lavender. He was taller than you anticipated, with a pretty smile slightly arched, still sardonic but softer at the edges. “I’m sorry, I think I’m just tired. My ramblings are getting ahead of me.”

“No, no. I understood.” He nodded as he moved the paper bag covered bottle in his hand around his wrist. “Heartbreak within a heartbreak, that makes sense. It feels exactly like a heartbreak within heartbreak.” He clenched at his shirt, right where his heart resided as if that would numb where the ache was worst.

He looked across the water, his expression resonated like a sonata against your own chest. Oh, it was pure heartbreak. Nothing less of crushed hope and remnants of love, shattered and debris at his fingertips.

Maybe you were led here to listen to a story. Maybe you were here to ease the burdens in his mind; a release against the storms he held so tightly. Maybe you were a little beacon of hope.

Maybe. So you waited.

“I was going to propose,” he began softly, “to a woman I had been in love with for so long. We made so many promises, gone through so many dreams and false hopes, but we were always together. She came to Paris for work. I came here to surprise her.”

“That’s never a good thing,” you said, sighing.

He turned to you, smile a little less artificial at your blunt statement but your eyes were on the horizon, at the dark skies littered in jewels of stars and planets. Paris both softened and heightened into the night; for the people who are welcoming slumber and for those who had waited specifically for this hour. There have always been lovers everywhere, but Paris has always been known as the City of Love. It bleeds its lovers. It exists in its many different interpretations and many different forms.

And here you were, with the course you had worked so hard for, loved for so long, and a man who had loved.

“Not a good thing, huh? You should’ve been the one to tell me before I left Japan.”

“There would’ve been hints, wouldn’t it?”

He sighed, turning to the corner of the walkway and sitting on the embankment, his legs dangling close to the waters. He placed his jacket beside him and patted it. “I promise I’m not going to attack you, but I feel like I owe you a story.”

“You don’t owe me a story,” you said, sitting down with a little oomph. “I’m nothing but a stranger attracted by the voice of a broken man like a moth to a flame. But I am more than happy to hear whatever sad tale you tell me.”

"A siren of sad tales?" His smile was so rueful you couldn't help smile back.

"Think of me as a sailor."

“Mh. Then I guess I better make it as sad as it could be, huh?” He offered his bottle.

You shook your head. He placed it against his lips but then thought better of it, settling it on his other side.

“Unfurnished reality is already sad as it is," you said.

“That is also true.” He turned back to the water, swallowing in preparation. “Where should I start? We had been in love since high school. She was a friend of a friend, and we were attracted to one another slowly. The attraction trickled like glistening honey, just as slow as it was thick. We were hopeful and hopeless with each other, but we never fought. We were both amicable and levelheaded. Our friends said we were the most boring couple they know. We never fought— not in so many words. Every conflict was dealt with calm words, reasonings, and compromise. On a psychiatrist's book, we were perfect.

We both knew we were going to separate come college. I was going to work in Hyōgo in the rice fields I grew up in as I had always planned since I was a child, and she was going to go to Tokyo and then to Paris for school. Her dreams were there. Here. And she was nothing but determined. We both knew our paths diverged, but we were selfish. We loved each other, and wanted more out of that sad ending."

“You were in love,” you corrected.

He smiled at the correction. “We were in love. For so long, we were. But life moved forward as it always does, and it was hard to make time together. To want to make time together. To have life move forward, our tides going with it, but our love remaining the same. I didn't realised we left it so wholly in high school, and whatever we were running on had a time limit."

“Then why did you choose to propose?”

You watched as he closed his eyes, letting the wisps of wind brush across his cheeks and hair, looking calmer than you had ever seen him since you met him. “My grandmother got sick,” he said softly. “Her first stroke. Her doctor said if she had another one, it would be worse. It could lead to paralysis. It could lead to me losing her. And I just wanted her— wanted what we both promised. Selfish for a better ending to us, to me. Love. A future. My grandmother gave me her engagement ring, something she had not worn in so long but had kept close, in a box separate from her things, and gave it to me. A promise. A hope.

"And then a heartbreak. She fell in love while she was here, to a man more present, a man who sought her and her attention. I couldn’t blame her for reciprocating, or him for trying. It’s been so long and she and I, we looked different to each other. Mere strangers to our own eyes and memories. We had grown up and grown apart."

You matched his smile. “Heartbreak within heartbreak, a love embracing broken shards of an echo.”

“Feels exactly like it. You were right."

You were hesitant, but you moved anyway, patting his chest. He looked at your hand, then at you. You met his gaze, smile a little softer. “You will heal eventually. You will pick up your broken debris and learn to heal. Through time and through experience. You will love again because humans are incapable of not loving; we were born to be communal, to cherish, to protect, and to love one another after all. You are a farmer, you said? Bury the sadness, not the memories, and let yourself grow again. You are a good man, I think, from the little I know of you. You definitely deserve a better ending. Not for each other, but for you. I hope that when yours arrive, you look back on this day and know that a stranger who thought your singing was pretty enough to approach, that I was right."

“Are you an immortal being?” he said it teasingly, his lips a little quirked, but you blushed regardless as his own hand encased your own and squeezed. It was an answer. A thank you. An ‘I hope’. An ‘I will try’.

“No, just a stranger in Paris who wanted to leave you a slightly better ending, hopefully, to your time here. I have to go, it is too late and I might miss my bus.” You bunched up your feet and came into a crouch again, sitting higher in this position but only slightly. You met his gaze and pressed a kiss, a promise, a parting goodbye to his forehead. His eyes widened as you drew back and smiled.

“From one stranger to another, I hope you hope and love again. I hope you believe in the magic of love again and actualised daydream. Welcome, and goodbye from Paris.”

You stood up, brushing yourself as you bundled up your things again. You had already gone far but not far enough before he was shouting— “What’s your name?”

You halted and turned, and smiled. “Y/n!”

“Kita Shinsuke!” he shouted. “Hyōgo, Japan! Come see me whenever! I would like to thank you properly!”

“Maybe,” you muttered to yourself. Louder, “A better goodbye is enough!”

You couldn’t see his expression, whether he was smiling or not, but he shouted it back, regardless, “Goodbye, y/n!”

Goodbye, Kita Shinsuke. I hope I do meet you again, with a better, kinder smile on your face and a sweeter epilogue.

made by lavi <3

taglist: @asaitashi @jadasz @encrytpta @kenmaslov3r @wuyaiscrow @sakusasimpbot

#kita shinsuke x reader #haikyuu x reader #butmyfeelings.collab #haikyuu headcanons #kita drabble #haikyuu angst #kita x you #kita angst #haikyuu drabbles #lovemeian.#lvmn.shorts #mine.

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sugarmaplewings-fics · 4 years ago

Text

Baby, You’re Perfect

Pairing: BNHA Boys x reader

Warnings: Weight insecurity, negative body image/icky thoughts, body shaming from relatives, talks about skipping a meal once, general stuff like that. Kirishima’s reader is actively trying to lose weight. Cursing/language throughout (but mostly in Bakugou’s)

Characters: Bakugou, Kirishima, Kaminari

Author’s Note:

And here we have yet another request that is super old. I’m talking this has been chillin in my inbox for three good months. My sincere apologies, anon. And again, I’m sorry that that had to happen to you. Your grandma has no right to speak to you in that way. You’re making great progress and that’s amazing! Keep going strong, I believe in you. Anyhow, I had a lot of fun doing this request! We all need more chubby y/n on this website.

Yes, it says Hawks but I contacted the anon and we switched it to Denki bc I don’t write for Keigo (and we had a lovely conversation. they’re very nice :D).

Also the first two insults are things that have actually been said/done to me irl (hehe tasty self projection) and the last one in Denki’s is from an episode from Tuca and Birdie (it’s a good show).

Anyway, be nice to people. Respect others and speak to them as equals. We’re all human beings here, trying to get by. We’re also like a month away from 2021, I shouldn’t have to say that >:(

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Sugar

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Bakugou:

You couldn’t take it anymore. You were tired of their faces, tired of their words. You were headed home early, and you would not be sorry.

You didn’t hate your family. They could just be a little . . . difficult sometimes.

At first, it had gone well. You’d arrived at your aunt’s house yesterday for a family gathering and met up with everyone. They’d hugged you and asked you how you were doing. They’d even asked after your pro hero boyfriend, who you had chosen not to bring along for the purpose of spending some quality alone time with your family.

But then it happened; the thing you’d been dreading, the type of comment you’d hoped against all things you wouldn’t hear this time. But there it was.

You were nearly done preparing for lunch, helping to place dishes of food out in the backyard for your family meal. Your aunt was starting to serve people food, and you happened to glance up to see one of your cousins making herself a plate.

“Do you want any more?” your aunt asked your cousin, ready with her ladle.

“No, thank you, I’ve got enough.” Your cousin flipped her long perfect hair over a perfectly narrow shoulder. “I wouldn’t want to get fat like—” her gaze wandered over to you, meeting your eyes pointedly, “—some people.”

You faltered. Had she really just said that? About you? Well, it wasn’t impossible that it would come from her, but seriously? Today?

You swallowed a lump that had started forming in your throat, setting down the new stack of paper plates. Your aunt shot you a pitying glance. Was she even going to say something? Would she call your cousin out on her words?

No. She just moved on. Moved on like you should have. But something about it stuck with you. Your cousin’s words and implications rang through your mind, making you feel sick to your stomach. You shouldn’t let it bother you this much. You were doing better, both with your habits and your confidence. So why did it hurt so bad?

The darker thoughts you’d kept at bay began to come back; you were worthless, you were ugly, you were undeserving. Why wouldn’t they stop? Why was your stomach churning and your hand shaking? Before you knew it, hints of tears began to prick at your eyes.

No.

You weren’t going to give her the satisfaction of seeing you this way. But you were no longer interested in staying, any sense of hunger leaving you for sick dread.

Next thing you knew, you had said an early goodbye and put your things in the car, headed back home. Maybe driving wasn’t the best idea, since now you were alone with your thoughts. But crying wasn’t worth it. It was a bad idea, especially since now was the time to focus on the road ahead.

You couldn’t have gotten home sooner, a sense of relief washing over you once you pulled into the driveway. You unlocked your front door, pulling your bags in behind you. You heard movement coming from the kitchen as you set everything down; the sound of the faucet turning off signaling to you that Katsuki had heard you come in.

Heaving a sigh, you tried to chase the negative thoughts from your head. They shouldn’t be there, and it wasn’t something to dwell on. You were home again, and you wouldn’t have to deal with your family for another few months at least.

Bakugou’s head peeked out from around the doorframe, double checking that it was you who had walked in. “What are you doing here?” he called, ducking back to whatever he’d been doing in the kitchen.

“Hello to you too.” You tried to keep the tartness out of your voice, but some of it must have crept back in. The sounds from the other room stopped again, and the house went eerily quiet. Huffing, you dragged your luggage into your shared bedroom.

You felt drained, that was the only way to describe it. You couldn’t even bring yourself to hang your clothes in the closet. Giving up, you laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. You couldn’t help but hear your cousin’s words ringing over and over in your head, reminding you of the countless years of both internal and external torment you’d gone through regarding your weight.

The sound of footsteps in the doorway made you glance down, registering a spiky blond head of hair approaching you on the bed. You said nothing as the mattress dipped next to you, indicating that Bakugou had come up on your side.

The two of you were silent together for a long moment, and a stolen glance told you that Katsuki was mirroring you with his head resting on his arms as he stared at the blank ceiling.

“Are you going to tell me what’s got you in this mood?” he finally asked.

You sighed. “My cousin can just be a pain sometimes.”

“She the one you were telling me about or is it someone else?”

“Same girl.”

“Hmm.” Bakugou continued to keep his eyes trained solely up above. “What did she do this time?”

“Called me fat.” You tried to keep your voice even. You were simply stating a fact. It shouldn’t bother you like this, right? Even so, the tears you’d been forcing back once again rushed to your eyes, causing your tone to pitch. You swallowed them down again, blinking rapidly. This wasn’t something to spend time crying over.

“Don’t let it get to you,” Katsuki said, a little unhelpfully. “I don’t want to see you hating yourself.”

You frowned at this. “I don’t hate myself,” you said, thinking about your words for a moment before you spoke them. “I don’t hate my body. It’s just that . . . sometimes I wish it looked a little better, a little different. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m enough as I am.”

“Don’t tell me you think you’d be happier looking like everyone else.” Bakugou’s gaze had shifted from a blank one to a glare.

“I don’t know,” you said, shrugging. “It’s just . . . hard sometimes. Being like this.”

Finally Bakugou rolled to face you, taking one of your hands in his. “I know you . . . struggle with your self-image or whatever, but you can’t let it take over your life, got it? You can’t just waste it worrying about what everyone thinks of you. You’re never going to be able to please everyone, but if they’ve got a problem with you, then they can go fuck themselves. You want to know the one person’s opinion who matters most? Yours. You have to be the one who’s taking care of yourself.” Katsuki paused for a moment, absentmindedly fiddling with your fingers as he considered his words.

“You want to know who’s opinion is the second most important?” he continued, his voice starting to get a little more mumbly. “Mine. I picked you because I love you. I love everything about you, from your shitty, annoying personality to your gorgeous body. You are so much more than just ‘enough’ for me, so don’t go worrying about that. You’re everything to me, and you know that, right? I love you no matter what, so don’t let this ruin your whole day.” He kissed your knuckles, signaling that he had said his peace.

You smiled at him, a tear or two finally sneaking past your defenses. “How—how do you do that?”

“What?”

“Sometimes you say something horribly stupid and I swear I hate you, and then next thing I know, you’re telling me everything I need to hear.”

“Tch, I can be eloquent whenever I want. It’s a choice.”

“Alright.” You rolled over so you could properly face him. “Can I have a hug?”

Bakugou rolled his eyes, but nevertheless held open his arms. You happily snuggled into the hard, built muscle enveloping you, offering a beautiful contrast to your own soft body.

“Do you need me to talk to your cousin?” Bakugou asked. “I’ll do it.”

“Nah, let her go.” You nuzzled your nose into his neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

______________

Kirishima:

You honestly expected your family to last longer when it came to keeping from upsetting you. Nevertheless, maybe you were being a little too optimistic. But come on, did they have to ruin everything the literal second you walked through the door?

Even after the scathing comment, followed by a half-hearted, hasty brushing off, you forced yourself to spend time with them. It wasn’t often that you got to see this half of your family, so you decided to ignore it with the rest of them.

But as you sat on the couch sipping tea, you were unable to focus on the light conversation buzzing around you. The event that happened mere minutes before played over again in your mind, causing you to wince.

You’d walked into the house, prepared to greet everyone and have a nice time, when your aunt looked up from her position on her arm chair. “Hello, (Y/N),” she’d begun. “Ah, look, you’re still fat.”

Your heart had almost literally stopped beating in your chest as you froze in the threshold. Had she just said what you thought you heard? You must have been mistaken, right?

Any positive anticipation you’d had of seeing your relatives had plummeted to your feet, and you strongly considered turning around in place and leaving without another word.

But you couldn’t do that, of course not. Then your aunt had begun to babble something about how it made you look cute like a baby, but her words had already done their damage.

You tolerated the rest of your afternoon with them, but it was a great relief to you when you were finally able to leave and go home. As soon as you pulled into your driveway, you exhaled a sigh of relief. It was over with, and it hadn’t been that bad.

Eijirou wasn’t home, but you knew he wouldn’t be long after you. You went about making dinner, knowing he’d appreciate it once he got home. He was always so tired these days.

Even so, as you stirred broth in a pot, your aunt’s words rang in your head. You vaguely remembered telling her about your weight loss a month ago. You figured you’d been making considerable progress, and you knew that no one was more proud of you than Eijirou himself. But had it really made a difference?

After a moment of fretting, you turned off the stove. You walked into your shared bedroom, flicking on the light. Your eyes caught sight of your reflection in the mirror. You frowned, going up to it. Turning your body this way and that, you tried to see if you recognized a change in your appearance. You lifted your shirt, only to wince at yourself and tug it back down. You pinched at your arms, your thighs, and your cheeks, growing almost angry at the way your fingers sunk into the flesh.

Maybe you hadn’t been making as much progress as you’d thought. Or the progress you had made wasn’t enough. Without you even realizing it, your mind began to toy with ways to speed things up. Guiltily, you found yourself wondering if Eijirou would notice if you just skipped dinner that night.

You shook your head to clear away the intrusive idea. No, that wouldn’t solve anything. Eijirou had told you that he’d help you lose weight the right way, so you’d stay healthy and be able to keep it off. It would be best to listen to him.

Still, you found your eyes glued to your reflection. You wouldn’t consider yourself vain, but there was something in the way that your eyes traced over your curves, wondering just how they might look on you if only you were a little smaller . . . .

Movement behind you in the mirror caught your eye, and you were quick to recognize a head of spiky red hair. You must not have heard Kirishima come in through the front door.

“Hello,” you said with less cheer than usual.

“Hey, babe,” he greeted you, coming up from behind to give you a hug.

You leaned back into his chest as you both stared at each other’s reflections.

“Checking out my perfect girlfriend?” he teased, referring to how your eyes continued to trace down your body. “That’s my job, you know.”

You snorted, gently rubbing at his forearm.

“So how was your family?”

“Okay,” you shrugged.

“I saw you left something on the stove. Are you doing okay?”

Oh, Kirishima. How did he do it?

You shrugged. “I guess I didn’t really have a good time there. Got a little upset is all.”

Eijirou frowned. “What happened?”

You took one of his hands in yours and began to play with his fingers, now determined to keep your eyes from catching another glimpse of yourself. “My aunt told me I was fat.”

You missed the flash of genuine anger that shot through Kirishima’s eyes. He knew this was something you’d struggled with for a long time. Your aunt had no business making comments like that about your body, especially now.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, deciding to keep himself calm for your sake.

You continued to fiddle with his large hands. “I just worry sometimes that I’m not doing enough,” you mumbled. “What if it doesn’t work? What if I’m just meant to look like this?” You sniffled, hating the sudden tears that were beginning to fill your eyes.

“Honey . . .” Eijirou spun you around and held you to his chest, running a hand down the back of your head as you finally let the tears slide down your face. You nuzzled into his shirt, appreciating the warm, familiar feeling of it. “Even if you weren’t able to lose more weight, you know I’d still love you, right?” he said in a tender voice. “I’d think you’re beautiful either way.”

He tilted your chin up so he could look into your eyes, giving you one of the most loving gazes you’d ever seen. “And besides, we’re not together because of how you look. I love you for you. I love your personality, and how you always say and do the cutest things.” He bent down for a quick kiss, caressing your cheek as he pulled away. “I love your laugh, and I love looking into your beautiful eyes . . . .” He kissed you again, beginning to gently guide your bodies to the bed at the other wall.

Eijirou laid you down in the center of the mattress, hovering over you as he went in for another kiss. “I love your body too. This body, just the way it is. I love how it feels to hold you at night—” he kissed your neck. “—I love your chest, your butt, your arms, your thighs—” he nuzzled his nose against your face and neck. “—your cute tummy.” He pushed himself up and gazed down at it with such a genuine expression of love, you almost started tearing up again. “The cutest tummy in the world. And I love it because it’s yours.”

With that, he bent down again and lifted up your shirt just enough to give it a little kiss. You couldn’t help but let a giggle slip from your lips, which only made his ruby red eyes dart up to meet yours mischievously.

“You like that? What if I did it . . . again!” He placed a second kiss in a different spot, going for another and then another. You broke out into laughter, the sensation of his lips and nose brushing over your sensitive skin making you squirm in his hold.

Soon, he was laughing himself. He nuzzled into your skin one last time and blew a raspberry against your skin.

“Eiji—!” you began to protest through a laugh.

“What?” He smirked at you, moving up and settling his chin in the valley of your chest.

You smiled right back at him, bringing up your hand to brush the backs of your fingers against his cheek. “I love you.”

Kirishima took hold of your hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the backs of your knuckles as he looked into your eyes. “I love you too, baby.” He held your hand in his, getting lost for a moment simply looking at your face.

Eventually he sat up, laying down next to you and pulling you into his chest. “I’m proud of you too,” he told you, tucking your head under his chin. “I know you’re actively making a change for the better, and you’re doing really well. Results won’t happen immediately, you just have to stick with it sometimes.”

You sighed through your nose, taking his hand in yours again. “I know. I just get discouraged sometimes is all.”

“And I’ll just be here to put you back on track. You’ve got this, you know.” He hugged you tight against him, rubbing your back. “Are you hungry?” he finally asked. “I’ll help you make dinner.”

“Sure,” you said, chuckling lightly.

“What? We both have to eat, and you know me. I’m a hungry shark.”

You laughed again, leaning up to kiss his jaw.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah, a bit.”

“Well, there’s always more where that came from.” He kissed your forehead. “I’m here for you, okay?”

______________

Kaminari:

If there was one thing Denki hated more than anything, it was seeing you upset.

He could tell something was off the moment you came through the front door. You were too quiet, and that bothered him. When you finally made it up to your shared room, Kaminari was already watching the doorway for you.

He noticed immediately that your eyes were puffy and a little red. Even your posture looked defeated and slumped over.

“Hey, Denks,” you said once you noticed him stretched out on the bed. His heart broke even further when he saw you try for a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Hey, hey, what’s the matter?” Kaminari got up, clearing the space between you so he could put his hands on your shoulders.

“I—I just,” you began to stammer out, feeling the flimsy dam you’d placed behind your eyes begin to falter. “I . . . don’t know if I want to talk about it right now.” You covered your burning face with your palms. “It’s stupid anyway. I shouldn’t let things like that get to me.”

Kaminari frowned, trying to figure out what might have made you so upset. But he wasn’t one to pry when it came to situations like these, and he knew you’d tell him on your own time.

Even so, he led you to where he’d once taken position on the bed, pulling you up with him. He knew that sometimes you simply wanted to be distracted from things, so he decided to do just that. Allowing you to settle in next to him, he picked his controller up from the covers again where he’d set it down.

You noticed he’d been playing Minecraft. You let yourself take a mild interest in his mining session that you caught him in the middle of. You watched him wander through a cave system; placing torches, killing the occasional zombie, and mining out various ores he happened upon.

What you didn’t see was how often he shot you glances, studying your face for any signs of you getting upset again. He saw when you finally took your eyes off his screen, frowning distantly as you twisted the material of the blanket underneath you.

Before he could ask you again what was going on, you opened your mouth to speak. “Do you think this outfit is too much?”

Denki faltered, confused. “No? What do you mean by that? I think you look really pretty.”

You pursed your lips. Clearly that wasn’t the answer you’d wanted. “I just—I don’t know.” You frowned and went back to avoiding his eyes.

“Are you going to tell me what happened today?” Denki asked. A sudden idea struck him. Before you could answer him again, he stood up on the bed and walked over to a shelf you kept just above it. He pulled down a large stuffed Pikachu he’d gotten you a few years ago, and went back to sitting next to you. “Would it be easier to tell him?”

Denki positioned the toy in his lap, grabbing hold of its little arms and letting it go through various motions, starting with a little wave at you.

You couldn’t help but snort at Kaminari’s antics, looking from the plushie to the curious but concerned expression on your boyfriend’s face.

“Your Pikachus are worried about you.” Denki lifted it up higher on his chest, continuing to fidget and wave the arms back and forth in a little dance. “You saw your family today, right? How did that go?”

Your face fell again and you shrugged. “It went well I guess. My grandma just said something dumb and it made me upset.”

Denki frowned, lifting the arms of the Pikachu so its hands were on its pink cheeks. “What did she say?”

You shrugged again. “I was messing around with my cousins and I said I looked like a snacc. And then she said that snacks were probably what made me so fat in the first place.”

Denki’s frown deepened. “That’s not very nice.”

“I don’t think she knew what I was talking about, to be fair. And maybe it’s a little funny. I mean, she’s not wrong.” You rested your chin in your hands, sighing. “It just caught me off guard. It’s a dumb thing to be upset over, like I said—”

“Hey.” Denki met your eyes. “It’s not dumb. You have every right to be upset.” He held his arms open to you. “Come here.”

You sat up, letting him embrace you.

“Do you need me to remind you how beautiful you are and how much I love you?” he asked from next to your ear. “Because I’ll do it.”

He took your shy smile as a yes, letting you settle back as he proceeded to lift up the stuffed yellow toy.

“Are you hearing this, bro?” he addressed it, throwing a serious look on his face. “The most gorgeous person on the planet is sad. We have to do something about it.”

Denki put the Pikachu’s paw on its chin, tapping it for a second before removing it again. “What’s that?” he asked it. “You have an idea?”

He lifted the toy to his ear, pretending to listen to it for a moment as he nodded along. Once he was satisfied, Denki scooched himself even closer to you. He brought Pikachu’s nose up to your cheek and made a kiss sound with his lips. Setting the toy down beside you on the bed, he motioned for you to come sit in his lap.

You obeyed, settling yourself in between his thighs and wrapping your legs around his hips.

“There you go,” he muttered, slotting his nose beside yours as he touched foreheads with you. “I love you and you’re the most important person in my life. You know that, right?” He waited for you to nod before continuing. “And I know that you can feel a little insecure sometimes with how you look. You’ve got bad days, and you have good days. It’s my job to be there for you on these bad days, and you can be there for me when I have mine. I want you to know that you’re so beautiful and I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

He connected your lips to his for a long moment, trying to convey all his feelings for you into it. “And don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re less-than. They’re not the kind of person you should be listening to. Trust me when I say that you’re perfect just being you.” Denki wiped a tear trail off your cheek with his thumb, leaning in to kiss the skin there.

“Thanks, Denki,” you said, your voice just above a whisper.

He gave you a soft, caring smile; his fingers still lingering on your cheek. “Is there anything you want to do together to make you feel better? We could watch a movie, we could snuggle, whatever you want.”

You leaned in and hugged him tight. “I love you.”

He hugged you back. “I love you too. You’re my sunshine nugget, and it would take a heck of a lot to ever change that.”

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

Taglist: @basicaegyo @fourteenow @iiminibattlehero @katsugay @nabo39 @onepieceask @pyrofanatic @sendhelpimstupid @xoxopam4

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andromedasstarship · 4 years ago

Text

in the stars - chapter 1

photo credit: @ssahotchnerr

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, show rating 16+ for reference. depictions of violence, stalking, murder, angst, age gap couple, drinking, brief mention of drugs.

summary - You finally meet the BAU, little progress is made in terms of the case.

a/n - early update yay! i take a lot of liberties with movies that reader has starred in, pls dont take irl movie release dates into consideration here lol. more notes at the end

blog rules

masterlist // read it on ao3 here

prologue // next chapter

-----

Chapter 1

Flights to California always took an extra toll on the team. Reid had explained it once, in a too long ramble, how the wind worked against the plane lengthening the flight at least an hour longer than the trip back home.

Hotch was finding it difficult to focus on the files in front of him. The first photo he opened was of victim #3, with her eyes closed and face turned to the side, even Hotch could’ve been fooled that it was you lying there dead. While the rest of the team was mulling over the facts of the case, he was debating whether or not to tell the team about your history. The Unit Chief in him knew this was important information that had the potential to hinder the case; his relationship to you was too personal and his withholding of information could even turn him into a suspect. If the roles had been reversed with another member of the team, he’d have concerns over their ability to even be on the case. For now, Hotch forced himself to tune into the conversation the rest of the team was having; promising himself he’d figure out what to do later.

“Garcia, what do we know about L/N,” Emily asked, turning ever so slightly towards the screen Garcia had just popped up on.

“I’m glad you asked my dear Emily. Y/N L/N is totally Hollywood’s It Girl right now, it’s rumored you can’t even get a meeting with her without forking over at least twenty big ones. She’s never had a bad role in her career. Personally, my favorite movie she starred in was Mamma Mia, but like I said never a bad role,” Garcia paused for a moment, the sound of her typing filling the silence, “is it inappropriate for me to ask one of you to get her signature for-”

“Garcia,” Rossi interjected, “anything else we need to know about her right now?”

“Sorry sir, I promise to be on my best professional behavior. But come on, remember when she swept the Oscars three years-”

Hotch felt himself detach from the conversation yet again, staring out the window as memories of the two of you flooded his brain.

Three Years Ago

The team had just finished a grueling case in Georgia. It was long, taking nearly two weeks to catch the unsub, in which he had managed to murder three additional couples right under their noses. Inclement weather forced them to stay another night until the storm passed, leaving them all stranded by the airport. In a turnaround way, being stuck gave them the rare opportunity to relax and bond as a team. Rather than all disappear to their own rooms for the night, they all packed into one small hotel room. Boxes of Chinese takeout were littered around the room, along with various bottles of alcohol. The Oscars were on that night and Hotch knew you’d be on the screen at some point, not wanting to miss it he proposed watching it to the team and they all happily agreed. While it was difficult with their schedules to be avid movie goers, they all were relatively familiar with the contenders for big awards such as Best Picture and Best Actor.

You were nominated for two separate awards that night, along with starring in a film nominated for Best Picture. It had been a monumental year for you, with three separate feature films hitting theaters and all becoming major successes both financially and socially. You had spent so much time jet setting for press conferences and movie tours that you rivaled Aaron in terms of suitcase living.

“Everyone shut up! They’re about to do Best Supporting Actress, oh I just know it’s going to be Y/N. Emily agree with me! We saw her in Little Women together, I cried. Oh don’t give me that look Emily, you cried too and you know it!” Penelope said enthusiastically, waving her chopsticks around. It was rare that Garcia ever came with on a case, but the location had been in a remote part of the state and they wanted to avoid being unable to reach her and her technical wizardry; a fact she was particularly grateful for, had this watch party been happening without her, she would’ve been so jealous.

To anyone else, the grin on Hotch’s face would have been easily equated to the bickering going on between his friends and the effects of the few drinks he had thrown back. It was all for you though, he had caught glimpses of you on screen throughout the night and had snuck more than one glance at his phone to see the pictures of your outfit you’d sent him yourself. When the presenters walked on stage, Hotch sat up a bit straighter, his body naturally inching closer to the edge of his seat. The screen set up so the faces of all nominees and their reactions could be seen, Hotch’s eyes glued to the box you were in.

“And the winner of Best Supporting Actress goes to…,” the first presenter started, slowly opening the envelope they held, “Y/N L/N!” The crowd roared and the camera focused in on you sitting stunned in your seat, surrounded by coworkers and friends. The team was cheering too, the liquor in their system loosening everyone up. Hotch clapping uncharacteristically loud and long even went unnoticed by the others.

“I was right, I knew it!! I should start betting on this, you know what I bet I could hack into the system-” Garcia’s voice barely even registered in Hotch’s brain as he watched you. With one hand clasped over your mouth and the other holding your dress you made your way up the stairs and to the center of the stage.

“Wow,” you started, eyes wide as you stared down at the award in your hands, slowly you looked back up into the crowd and continued, “I really mean it when I say I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t even prepare a speech, I’m so sorry,” you paused again, the biggest smile plastered on your face as you quickly wiped a few tears threatening to fall, “thank you all so much, for supporting me and letting me do what I love. Thank you to my fellow coworkers who pushed me in this project and thank you so much to the fans who give me the strength to do this every day. Thank you! Thank you so much!” You ended, making your way back towards your seat. Hotch grinned as you flashed a wide smile to the camera following you, throwing a flirty winky that he knew was just for him.

The rest of the night went by in a blur. When you won again for Best Actress, you were barely able to contain yourself on stage, tears flowing freely down your face as you gave your thanks. The joy you felt in that moment was unlike anything you’d ever experienced in your life. At just 24, you had become the first person ever to win both awards in the same night. Hotch had actually jumped out of his seat at your second win, a motion that confused the rest of the team, but the liquor in everyone’s system forced them to ignore it; more glad than anything to see Hotch loosening up for once.

After the team finally retreated into their own rooms for the night, Hotch wasted no time in texting you, asking if you were free to talk on the phone. His excitement palpable when not even a minute later your contact came up on the screen.

“Aaron,” your excited voice came through the phone, just being able to hear you eased tension he wasn’t even aware he had been carrying, “can you believe it!”

“Congratulations, Miss Double Oscar winner.” Even after a year of being together, his voice made you giddy. “Where are you?” He asked, unable to ignore the pounding sound of music and people in the background.

“After party, top secret location Mr. Agent. I’m in the bathroom! Am I allowed to tell you I definitely see some residue of a line on the counter,” your voice was slurred and rushed, the energy of the moment combined with the liquor in your system causing your mouth to move faster than your brain, “probably not, ignore that. Where are you?”

Aaron relayed various info about closing the case and what the team had gotten up to that night. When you began telling him about your night, he couldn’t help but feel insecure. Where he told you about $8 takeout meals and rural Georgia, you were talking about some of the biggest names in Hollywood and the luxury treatment you’d been subject to all night. He forced himself to focus on your voice anyway; not wanting to take this time ‘with’ you for granted. The two of you could’ve talked for hours, had it not been for Hotch pushing you to go enjoy the celebrations.

“I’m so proud of you angel,” he said softly, voice swelling with adoration, “I’ll see you soon, I promise.”

“I love you Aaron.”

“I love you too Y/N.”

When he finally hung up, he leaned against the wall with a sigh, running his hands through his hair. Relationship wise, it had been a tough year for the two of you. With your schedule busier than you’d ever expected, it meant seeing each other in person was nearly impossible. In good conscience you refused to take him away from Jack on the rare weekends he had off. Instead you’d fly in whenever possible, the two of you spending low profile nights together in fancy hotels or his house if Jack was away with friends. It was excruciating maintaining a relationship like this, but something about the success of the night made the sacrifices feel worth it.

Present Day

“Look into her dating history, any exes that would want to hurt her?” JJ asked, her question pulling Hotch back into the present. Adjusting to the constant publicity you were subject to had been a learning curve for Hotch, the first time the tabloids ran a story of you photographed with some Hollywood Hunk his bad mood had the entire team walking on eggshells for a week.

“According to my search she hasn’t dated anyone in years, or at least not publicly. I have a theory she’s secretly dating Henry Ca-.” Hotch zoned back out before Garcia could finish, having no interest in hearing or seeing whoever the media was speculating to be involved with you this time. Willing the plane to land faster, he ignored the faint voice in the back of his head that was telling him you were free to be with whoever you wanted.

----

“If you’d follow me Miss L/N, the BAU has set up in the back conference room, they’ve been waiting for you.” Officer Reynolds said, her back to you as you followed her down the hallway. It was nearly 9am and you had spent the better half of the morning hyping yourself up to see Aaron for the first time in nearly two years. You made last second adjustments to your outfit; an outfit you definitely hadn’t spent all of last night picking out because you definitely did not want to look good for Aaron Hotchner. As Officer Reynolds moved to open the door you held your breath, thanking the years of experience in manipulating your outward expressions. When four heads turned in unison to look at you, you let out a sigh of relief. Aaron wasn’t in the room.

“This is Y/N L/N. Miss L/N, meet the BAU,” Officer Reynolds said, extending her arm outwards towards the rest of the room, “I’ll leave you guys to do introductions, if you need anything, find me,” and with that she exited the room. A blonde woman stepped forward first, extending her hand out to you. You knew who she was before she even said her name.

“My name is Jennifer Jareau, I’m the media liaison with the BAU.” She said, she gave you the same smile all the other officers had been giving you, but unlike theirs that reeked of pity, something in Jennifer’s felt authentic to you. After shaking hands with her, the rest of the room took a moment to introduce themselves. You never thought you’d meet Aaron’s team like this. Over the years, he had shown you countless photos of the team, along with hundreds of stories and tidbits concerning their lives. Even though you knew they had probably spent the entire flight to LA looking at your life, it still felt as if you had some creepy advantage over the situation.

“The rest of our team, Agents Hotchner and Morgan, are currently doing some research in the field, but until they return we’d love to brief you and ask you a few questions, is that alright?” JJ asked, stepping backwards and motioning for you to take a seat at the round table.

“Of course,” you quickly replied, moving to take a seat; internally you were laughing at the irony of her asking if it was alright, what would you do, say no? Looking up at the other three members still standing you motioned for them to sit as well, “I don’t know if you’re doing it on purpose, but I’d prefer if you all sat down too,” you paused, before adding, “kinda makes me feel like I’m back at school.” They seemed to smile at that, everyone else moving to find a seat at the table. Before the silence could turn uncomfortable, JJ spoke up again.

“Does anyone else in your life know about the murders?”

You shook your head no before replying, “my agent knows just in case I have to go underground and my security guard is aware, but besides them and the police, I haven’t told anyone.”

“Go underground?”

“Uh yea, a few years ago I had a stalker. I went ‘underground’ for about three months and the guy seemed to give up. The police have already cleared him, he hasn’t been to LA in over a year,” you explained.

“That’s good to know. We want to keep your involvement in the case completely out of the media. I can only imagine you want that too,” JJ started, angling her body towards you, “I know you’re probably more than well versed in dealing with the press, but if anyone comes up to you asking about the murders we want you to completely disengage. And of course, don’t tell anyone else about what’s going on.”

“Alright, now that that’s settled, we just have a couple questions for you,” Emily asked as she stood up, opening up a file from the table, “so what can you tell us about-”

----

The dump site wasn’t showing any promise. Situated near a highway, the field was hidden from the road, yet still accessible by car. The constant stir caused by the speeding cars meant any leftover DNA or footprints were effectively blown away.

“Our guy’s gotta be fit. The drop into the field is just steep enough he would’ve had to carry the body at least fifty feet to get it here from the road. He could’ve rolled it, but the bodies were too pristine to have been dropped on the ground like that.” Derek said, looking over at Hotch. The two of them were standing at the edge of the road, looking down at the now empty field. “Not only that, but this is a nice spot. Normally places like this so close to a highway are filled with trash, do you think he might’ve cleaned up?”

Hotch was silent as he considered this, before slowly nodding, “it’d make sense if he did. Everything we have concerning his treatment to the victims post mortem has been nothing but affectionate.”

“Do you think there could be two unsubs?” Derek asked, when Hotch looked at him with mild confusion he continued, “All the victims were strangled to death, ME report assumes it was by hand. It takes a lot of strength and persistence to kill someone by hand like that, not only that but it’s intimate, he’s staring them in the face as he kills them. The level of care displayed here seems way more than just remorse.”

Hotch took another moment to consider Derek’s proposition before shaking his head, “we’ll keep it in mind, but it’s clear whatever connection he has to L/N is personal, at least to him. These women could be failing to replicate some part of her personality and in his rage he kills them. But when they’re silent and unmoving, their likeness to L/N lets him fall back into the fantasy, hence the care.”

“We should start heading back, Reid just texted me they’re almost done with the initial briefing with L/N, and we should meet her before she takes off for the day.” Derek said, putting his phone back in his pocket before turning on his heel to head back to the car. Hotch’s shoulders tensed at the idea of seeing you, looking back at the field once more. Giving the field one last look, he felt a shiver run up his spine at the idea of finding you in a field like this. Shaking the idea out of his, he turned to join Derek in the car.

Hotch took the driver's seat, glad to be able to use the road as a needed distraction from the impending face to face. The drive was only twenty minutes, but Hotch didn’t think any time would truly be long enough to prepare himself to see you again. He found himself wondering if anything would be different from the last time he saw you. Did you still smell the same? You had always been quite adamant about your preference for scented lotion, rather than perfumes. What if you completely changed your hair? Were you worrying about seeing him as much as he was?

“You think she’s gonna be easy to work with?” Derek asked, breaking Hotch out of his mental spiral.

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, you know, “Hollywood’s It Girl”,” Derek explained, “if she’s as in demand as Garcia said she was-”

“While we work this case Morgan, I expect you to conduct yourself appropriately,” Hotch interjected, his voice tight, “we treat Y/N the way we would anyone else, do I make myself clear?” His eyes not leaving the road at all, knuckles tight around the steering wheel.

“Crystal,” Derek responded, raising his hands up in mock surrender.

As they turned into the parking lot, Hotch scanned the parking lot before finally noticing your car parked in the back of the lot. You used to always park as far as you could, constantly complaining about how people in parking lots stressed you out and you wanted to be able to drive in and out as easy as possible. The corners of his lips turned up, ever so slightly, thinking maybe nothing had really changed for you, at least in that regard.

“You go ahead, I’m just going to send a message to Jack real quick,” Hotch lied, pulling his phone from his pocket. Derek nodded and got out of the car, quickly entering the building. Hotch put his phone down in his lap and gripped the steering wheel once more. You were one of the few people to ever wind him up this way; it had been like that from the first day he met you, as if you managed to make him melt under your gaze. Five minutes, he would give himself five minutes to pull himself together before letting the Unit Chief in him take over.

----

“I’m sorry, I just, can I take a break,” you asked, looking up at the agents who were still grilling you about facets of your life you never would’ve considered relevant, “I just need to get some air.” Without really waiting for permission, you were pushing back on your chair to stand up. Slinging on your thin jacket you exited the room, heading for the entrance of the building. The agents had been kind, but you were starting to feel a bit useless. Each time they had a new theory, you came up short in terms of material for them to actually use. They kept reassuring you that what you were able to come up with was helpful, but you weren't convinced.

You had been in and out of this office so many times, your body went into autopilot as you made your way to the entrance, not even pausing to look up as you started to push open the door. What you missed was the distinct outline of a body pulling the door open at the same time. The added force made you stumble, nearly crashing straight into the man on the other side. Brown eyes met yours and you both froze, uncertain of what to say before speaking at the same time.

“Y/N.”

“Agent.”

-----

a/n - wow wow! things are gonna start moving in the next chapter, i promise. the response to ‘in the stars’ so far has been so heartwarming. ive said it before, but this is my first fic and i cant even fathom that people are actually interested in what im writing. your support means the world! im trying to get stuff written before university starts up again, but i dont want to nix quality for faster updates so if updates slow down im sorry! comments always appreciated. leave a reply or ask if youd like to be added to the taglist! if you requested before but arent added, just ask again i mustve missed it on accident

Taglist: @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong

no permission is given to republish or upload my fics anywhere else. if you see this story not on my tumblr or ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own criminal minds or any of the characters involved

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #hotchner #in the stars #'stori writes #in the stars chapter 1

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cosmiclatte28 · 4 years ago

Text

One More Night (Jaehyun x you ft Doie)

a/n : I am not forcing anyone to read this, this has sort of a sad angst theme. Jae was abusive here and I don’t mean anything to him.. it’s pure fanfic :”) sorry this is in my head and I had to let this out

warning : jaehyun is abusive but he is depressed and sad, doyoung is your manager. Sorry for curses and mentions of alcohol, cigarette, and self harm. angst

don’t force yourself to read this

You don’t understand yourself. Why aren’t you leaving him? After all he had done to you, his words hurt, his actions pained you, you always go home with bruises, but can you leave him? You can, but your heart doesn’t want to.

Like today, your boyfriend called you again to come to his house. Being the good caring lover, you follow his order. As expected, he called you because he had a rough day.

��I'm tired, i'm so tired (y/n).” Jaehyun slammed his third glass of beer on the counter as he sobs harder next to you.

You extend your arm, to grab his shoulder and rub soothing circles there, seeing Jaehyun broke down like this is more painful than letting him lash out his emotion to you.

“You're strong Jae,” you try to calm him down. He was ranting about his life, how his work life in the leading media corporation is stressful and he got a lot of complains from his director when he submitted this month's proposal.

“I am so done with that company. I'll probably get my white envelope soon.” He scoffs when he finishes his fourth glass. You swore you're confused when did he buy his alcoholic supply. Jaehyun never completes his grocery shopping by himself, it's always you but you never buy alcohols… so who?

“Tell me where did you get these Jae?” you point at the bottles and he chuckles deeply “You question unnecessary things peaches, don’t you wonder why you're here tonight instead?” he pulls you up with one swift swing and brings you to the room.

His breath reeks alcohol, his consciousness was below 50%, you were on your right mind until his soft lips enclosed yours and his hooded sad eyes pierce into your soul.

“You love me don’t you?” the same goddamn question. He traces a finger on your jaw and you choose to close your eyes. Staring into his eyes will only make you fall deeper.

“Answer me,” his palm reaches your cheek and you feel it sting. Here it is, his true self is always out when alcohol and stress consume him.

“I love you Jaehyun,” you whisper tears already flowing out of your eyes. This was not the man you know three years ago. You remember him as the sweetheart of the world, not the scariest man who only come to you for pleasure and ignoring you the next second.

“Then be my good reliever,” he slaps you one more time and the rest of the night you only wish no one heard your sinful noise.

“You're going home?” he asks the second he was tired of rocking you. His half naked torso is laying on the bed. A bud of cigarette was tucked nicely between his lips.

You nod your head as you take your time to redress.

“Stay here, you're my lover.” He pats the empty bed side. Oh you wish you can stay, but with the amount of alcohols he consumed and how your body is already bruising, you knew better to go home.

“I have a schedule tomorrow.” You admit.

Jaehyun sighs “Then sleep here, I'll drive you there tomorrow. I miss you,” he sounds like he had sober up.

You shake your head and lean over to kiss him “You hate my agency Jae, don’t force yourself to come with me.” You run a hand over his hair. He leans into your touch, suddenly the angelic heart throb is here again not the demon of the dark side. He closes his eyes after yawning and slowly drift to sleep.

You take his cigarette bud, turn it off in the ash tray and leave the apartment you once love. Your relationship is toxic but you cannot let him go. Not in this state.

“Wow you do know how late this is?” Your roommate peeks over his room door when he heard you enter the house.

You sigh and take off your jacket “Ah Doyoung, yes it’s very late. Sorry for waking you up. Go to bed you still have time.”

Doyoung shakes his sleep away and walks to you. He knows your relationship with Jaehyun. He was there from the beginning until the time it went wrong. He told you to leave him already, but you cannot.

The man grabs his spectacles and calmly takes your arms and wrists then he twists your body to check your condition.

“He wasn’t that rough tonight?” Doyoung still raises from his seat to take the soothing cream he has prepared for you.

You sigh “You don’t have to do this Doie, I can take care of myself.”

He scoffs “You've been saying that for the last seven months but you never for once take care of yourself if I don’t do this.”

He begins with the bruises on your wrists, the red cheeks, the wild hickeys on your neck and when he ensures none is skipped, he orders you to lift your shirt up.

He always complains on how your waist can survive the dead grip Jaehyun has, they always leave bruises on your body and Doyoung hates how you always struggle in the morning to cover up your bruises.

“You should really leave him. This is not good for your body and mental.” He presses some alcohol on the open wound and you for once thank Heaven you knew Doyoung who can take care of you.

“I cannot Doie, he needs me. He said I am the reason he is holding on.” You lean to the sofa and moan at the delight of relaxing your body.

“gosh your silly job and crazy company.” He hisses

You bite your lips as you stare into the ceiling. This is your job, taking cover pictures for special magazines. No it’s not filled with lewd pictures nor nudes, just regular pictures that were found to be able to comfort men and women who are breaking down and sad. The company did get a lot of money and you have many fans. All of them have been meeting you virtually and telling you how thankful they are to see you. They said seeing you helps them overcome one more day.

You were not fond of your job at first, until you met Jaehyun a photographer for one of your biggest project. It’s for the anti depression campaign and since then both of you got to know each other. Jae was a lovely man who also tells you he is one of those subscribers who wants to thank your cute pictures for helping them survive and stop overthinking.

That comment and all comments and love mails from your fans made you unable to crawl out of this hole. Doyoung is not one of them, he is assigned to look after you but he detests everything related to this. It’s just his job and the wage is pretty much high and he couldn’t find another job with higher wage yet.

Jaehyun was good until six months ago he lost his one and only family member, then he regret all of the things he couldn’t do for them. He turned into a mess, your pictures, your comfort words, your presence itself cannot bring him back. He turned into a monster when he's sad and mad. What happened to him scared you, but your heart cannot leave him.

“It's not silly as long as I can live under this apartment Doie. Look around this pretty apartment is good enough for a payback.” You breathe out. Feeling also emotional after thinking about Jaehyun and holding back the pain you're now feeling.

“You have a schedule tomorrow.” He scrolls his phone and notes the time. He is your personal manager.

“I know-“ before you can finish your sentence a knock was heard on the door.

Both of you look at the door and gulp “Who could it be?” your grip on Doyoung’s hand and your phone rang.

“Shit, it’s Jae.” You push Doyoung out of the sofa and push him to his room direction “Pretend you’re asleep.” You send him a pleading eye, you don’t need a jealous Jaehyun at this moment.

Doyoung just follows your words and hide in his room. You calm yourself down and open the door to find Jaehyun not so sobber, but he is here and you’re surprised he could take a cab here.

“I took the cab, don’t worry. I cannot sleep without you.” He nuzzles into your neck and slumps over your smaller body. With much struggle both of you made it to the sofa and Jaehyun is super messy.

His eyes are wet and he was slurring words while closing his eyes and holding on to you tight “Don’t leave me. Come stay with me again. Why did you leave me?”

He sounds pathetic and you actually want to slap him and yell at him “See yourself and think why I live by myself now or at least not with you….” But you know that will only hurt him more and break him.

“Shh calm down Jae” you card his hair and he relaxes into your touch “I am not leaving you,” at least now your heart whispers. Your eyes fall to his wrist that has been healing slowly from nasty cuts and you plant a quick kiss on his wrist “I am proud of you being strong, stay with me too Jaehyun.”

“If getting hurt is what makes you stay a night more, I’ll bear it with you. Please don’t leave me.” Your tear fell and you kiss his cheek. He did not hear your last sentence for his chest has risen slowly and he fell asleep.

You glance to the half open door, of course Doyoung had to be eavesdropping. He tosses you a free blanket and you’re thankful for his quick wit. You cover Jaehyun up and leave to sleep in your own room. What tomorrow brings, you never know. But tonight, you’re glad at least you help Jaehyun overcome one of his dark nights again.

end

i hope no one has to go through this scenario irl..

reach out for help okay, whenever you feel lonely don’t let the loneliness win over you. you should fight back, or find someone to accompany you

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wielderofmysteries · 4 years ago

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Jace Beleren, Masculinity, and the Trans Experience

(This post is a Twitter thread I wrote in response to a Goblin Lore podcast episode called “Jace Beleren and Toxic Masculinity”.)

I feel I have a unique perspective on this topic as a trans man. Trans man Jace isn't my headcanon, but it's an interpretation I love. He's my favorite character of all time, and as a trans man, I feel like reading Jace's flaws as toxic masculinity isn't quite right.

There are several "pillars" of toxic masculinity that Jace doesn't have. He doesn't have the self-destructive emotional repression, worship of sex and violence, or desire to subjugate women and his peers that men who experience toxic masculinity have.

Even BEFORE Ixalan, Jace was an example of many positive masculine traits. He was curious and emotionally open. He wrongly believed he could make decisions for others, but he cared for people, wanted to protect them, and couldn't sit idly by when he knew people were in danger.

In Agents of Artifice, he financially provided for Kallist and Liliana, and in Magic Story invited the Gatewatch to live in his home. Jace wanted to heal Garruk, tried to stop his rampage and had a Hedron implanted in Garruk's shoulder to relieve the effects of the curse.

"I don't want to hurt you, Garruk."

"Lucky for me, I don't feel the same way."

"Garruk, this is not a fair fight. You've suffered enough. Please. Come with me."

[...]

Jace stood in thought. Garruk held him by the throat, could end his life in an eye blink, had already proven he was immune to Jace's illusions. Garruk laughed again. If Garruk was open to having friends, then Jace might have been a good one.

"You win," said Jace. "We will leave you alone. I will not seek you out. But please, if you change your mind, come find us on Ravnica. Something is still not right here. We can help you."

In "Revelation at the Eye" Jace tells Ugin that Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved, and that it didn't matter if killing the Eldrazi has consequences, there are real people on Zendikar fighting for their lives and he needs to help them.

"Zendikar isn't a puzzle to be solved," said Jace. "It's a place. It's somebody's home. And those people are out there, right now, fighting for their world and wondering if anybody's going to help them kill what's killing them."

He showed scenes of suffering, then—of families mourning the lost, of landscapes ravaged by Ulamog, of even the skies and seas teeming with the Eldrazi menace.

Ugin cocked his head. The hedron architecture of the chamber seemed to melt and flow, became a pattern of tessellating dragons mocking him from the walls.

"So certain," said Ugin, "and so young."

Ral Zarek tried to kill Jace and ruined his relationship with his close friend Emmara, but in "Project Lightning Bug", Jace forgives him. Jace is honest about his feelings with Ral even after Ral was openly rude to him.

"I don't remember home," Beleren said quietly, unbidden.

"What?"

"You talked about growing up in Ravnica. A lot of my memories from my childhood are gone. Chopped up in my head into a few impressions. Most of what I remember begins here, on Ravnica. I'll never have roots here the way you do, and I admit I'm off to other planes a lot. But I think of myself as Ravnican to the core, too."

In Kaladesh block he wanted Chandra to be able to confide in him, and didn't want to stay home when he heard she could be in trouble. He used his mind magic to help Nissa sleep when she had a sensory overload in the busy city.

Nissa looked up. Jace and Gideon were exchanging a look. Both glanced at her.

They stood as one.

Jace turned toward the coat room. "I'll head to Kaladesh. It should be easy for me to—"

Lavinia appeared in his path, one hand resting on the pommel her sword. "Again?" she said, in a weary, disappointed tone.

He frowned up at her. "You can't expect me to sit here and do paperwork!"

Across the streets, beyond the barricades, the Consulate's panharmonicons are still blaring "The Gremlin's Wedding March" at us on infinite repeat at double speed. They left them on all night, and after the moon set Nissa started crying, hands clamped over her ears.

[...]

Jace sat down with her. They talked a minute and his eyes flashed. She curled up in a big potted plant and didn't wake up until the sun fell on her.

But what does being a man mean to Jace Beleren? Well, take a look at his feelings towards Gideon. Jace saw Gideon as the male ideal. I think Jace admires (and is envious of) the way Gideon is a representation of positive masculinity.

Eyes widened, jaws set. They understood their task, he was certain of that. But were they actually prepared to perform it?

What would Gideon say?

Jace smiled. Of course.

"For Zendikar," he said, raising one fist in the air. It felt thin to him, lacking Gideon's armored fist, his baritone war cry, his iron conviction.

None of that mattered. The soldiers shouted as one voice, holding their weapons aloft.

"For Zendikar!"

Gideon is not violent or hypersexual. He's kind, not afraid to ask for help, a defender rather than an aggressor. The pillars of toxic masculinity are absent in both Jace and Gideon. So why does Gideon's mere presence make Jace insecure? I think that insecurity is dysphoria.

I'm only 5 feet tall. People treat me like a kid, think I need help, and certainly don't see me as a man because I'm very small. It feels bad knowing my looks don't inspire others or make them feel safe like big tall guys can.

Gideon is super tall, muscular, conventionally attractive. He's charismatic and a natural leader. Gideon's like a human lighthouse. Jace is average height, out-of-shape, often pale and sickly, and his telepathy makes people automatically distrust him.

It's easy to see why people follow Gideon's lead so easily rather than Jace's. As a trans man, I personally related to Jace's insecurity. He feels inadequate compared to Gideon.

"I'd rather stand," said Gideon.

Jace stood up. It was an error. He still had to crane his neck to look Gideon in the eye, and now the size difference between them was glaringly obvious. He hated feeling small. Hated it.

Jace wanting to lead the Gatewatch didn't come from a desire to dominate others and be an ~alpha male~, but from a desire for people to believe in him. What Jace really wants is to prove to himself and others that he's competent and that he can be trusted.

This vision appeared whenever the man was struggling at a task.

[...]

"Listen, you aren't really suited to this task. Let me handle it." The vision's voice was gruff but friendly.

It came off as condescending.

The man was annoyed.

"I can do it myself."

The hallucination sighed. "You and I both know you're not suited to this. Let me handle it, you go philosophize on the other end of the beach."

"I said I can do it myself." The man let his irritation reach his voice.

"No, you can't. I call the shots and execute, you stand to the side. That's how this works."

The man responded by throwing his hook at the hallucination. It went straight through the figure's eye and landed behind him on the sand.

The time he spends with Vraska is so good for him! I loved that [the podcasts hosts] talked about how he was finally happy to follow someone else's lead! He didn't need to be a leader, he needed someone to trust him. She respected and loved him and thought he was incredible for who he is.

Vraska looked him in the eye. "You're incredible. You know that, right?"

Jace returned her smile and felt his cheeks warming. "I do my best."

"Well, your best is incredible," Vraska said, turning toward the central tower and approaching a large gate on what appeared to be its back side.

Liliana never told Jace he was incredible.

Liliana would have scoffed. She would have made a dismissive joke, rolled her eyes, and called him a show-off. She would not bother to talk to him for days. She would consume the body of a demon with a crocodile's jaws and laugh over the sound of its flesh tearing off. She would do all sorts of things, but she would never call him incredible.

It was important for Jace to get that validation. Now he's not insecure about his appearance. It's not that he finally developed into someone who was caring. He was caring all along, but he was held back by insecurity about how others perceive him. He learned to love himself.

Despite all his good qualities and deeds he still felt insecure because it wasn't easy to visually see him as a "strong man". I think it's important to acknowledge positive masculinity even when the man in question isn't attractive or charismatic, and even if he makes mistakes.

As a trans person, Jace's experience reminded me of the struggle to "pass". It's frightening how easily insecurity can turn into toxic masculinity when you feel different from "real men". If you don't look the part, some people will just never acknowledge you.

Next to 'perfect' guys like Gideon, it's easy to see our own perceived weaknesses and shortcomings. Easy to feel resentment for it. But from this struggle comes the strive to be better men, to be confident in ourselves, and comfortable in our bodies.

There's SO much I wanted to talk about, like how Jace's trauma shaped his need for control, how the IRL gamer guys he was created to represent actually hate him, how he's a male victim of abuse by a female partner, etc but this thread is already terribly long.

TLDR; I think toxic masculinity as a reading of Jace is missing some perspective. The trans perspective. Not all insecurity men experience is toxic masculinity. Sorry I totally should have waited until part 2 was out, but I couldn't stop thinking about that episode.

There's a lack of trans men's voices in... basically everything, and this is something I think we should definitely be included in. I'm so grateful for the Vorthos community opening these kinds of discussions. Super excited for part 2 of the podcast!

#mtg #jace beleren #magic story #analysis #long post

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awesamhimbo-abandoned · 4 years ago

Text

Okay um... I want to actually make a PROPER post about the "c!tommy apologists have the worst takes" thing that I was ranting about earlier.

Once again I'm going to but a few disclaimers because this might end up being a very, very triggering topic for some and I understand that!

First off: This post goes into trauma both of myself and the character along with a few of the common symptoms.

Second off: I am not fully excusing all of c!Tommy's actions, I simply want to explain why he did it and why it triggers me personally.

Lastly: You are allowed to dislike or even hate the character for whatever reason you do. Like above, I only wish to explain why some sentiments about the character are triggering for me personally.

I want to start this off by saying that the entirety of the mcyt has a problem and even sometimes bordering on weird obsession with trauma, mental illness/disability, child soldiers, war, ect ect. It is honestly a very, very long list that I do not have the time to go into right now, but those are just some to name a few. I have seen them on both side of fetishization to bastardization and both very much trigger me because it both makes me feel like something to look at along with making me want to hide who I truly am.

For the past several years I have been hiding from myself, hiding from my trauma, ignoring the fact I was abused, so on so forth. This was all down to how society saw me, but it was also because I was raised to believe these things that were a part of me were not there because they looked like someone else.

Rounding back to the proper topic, or at least trying my best to. c!Tommy, along with many other characters on DSMP, show their trauma and PTSD through anger and rage. These things, the way they show them, make me feel valid for how I feel and react to things. They don't make me feel happy, but they make me feel like it's at least partially okay and even normal to be mad at the world.

What the fandom wants from these characters, them to sit and cry dramatically into the wind while a best friend or lover wipes away their tears, is what SOCIETY and the whole world wants from people like me. They want us to sit still an exist as a prop, and if we even look like we're going act another way? They'll abandon and hate us at the drop of a fucking hat.

The second c!Tommy and c!Tubbo started to act on their trauma, the second they got mad and yell and fought and did something instead of nothing, the fandom made them both out to be villains. After that? You had Villaininnit as a popular theory/headcanon/au for a decent amount of time and c!Tubbo somehow being treated both as a hero and a villain at the same time.

Go further into the future? c!Tommy is back to dramatically crying in the wind. c!Tubbo is just treated as some quirky dumbass with nukes, his trauma only occasionally being brought and it's almost exclusively to compare him to c!Wilbur or c!Techno. c!Ranboo is seen as a soft boy, the relatable one of the group who has severe memory issues that are joked about, and for some fucking reason him attacking and killing his own goddamn child is a fucking trope used solely for drama and nothing else.

These are the only characters, oh boy they are NOT the only characters who are treated like this. I know that, but it hurts more for people to be yelling at fictional kids rather than adults.

On the child soldier thing, it is also heavily romanticized for similar reasons to the trauma stuff, though here it's more focused on naive kids then anything else. I personally have no strict feelings towards it, mostly because I see their canon ages as being close to their irl ages. This all being said, aging the characters up in your mind and getting mad when they don't "act their age" is fucking triggering and awful. As a fucking ten year old I was always told that I needed to "act my age" and sit still or something, I was even slapped and spanked for not following the rules which caused to get trauma. Because of this trauma, I flinch everytime someone raises their hand or their voice. I know that this sounds very off topic and a "me problem", but I feel like it's important to explain why this phrase is horrible and should never fucking be used.

Sorry for the trauma dump their.

Last thing I want to do is round back towards the anger mention and once again explain a story of my own. Once, back when I had a therapist and was just realizing I had trauma from abuse, just told me with the straightest face possible "anger and hatred are bad for you. You should move on from him" as if the boy who abused me didn't intend to break me. Forgiving abusers is okay if you are the abused. Being mad at the abuser is okay if you are the abused. These are two lessons I have learned since then and are now things I project onto OCs and comfort characters because they make my anger feel valid. I know this emotion is bad for me, but I have moved on from what happened and still feel anger and hatred and hurt for what had happened to me.

I'm sorry I posted about this twice. I'm sorry if my point didn't get across. I'm sorry if this counts as cross posting. This fucking fandom just needs to hear words from the mouth of someone who knows how c!Tommy feels and I hope to god you all fix your bullshit.

Goodbye.

#dream smp #mcyt #tommyinnit #tw abuse mention #tw trauma mention #no i am not taghing the other thing because i fucking want as many people as possible to see this because it is important to me

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justsomefluff · 4 years ago

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hello! i was wondering (if you’re taking requests) if you could do an atz reaction to their s/o walking out on them after they (atz) continuously make mistakes (like flirt with others etc),, i love your fluff, but your angst is also sO good!! hope you’re feeling well 🤍

I am BACK and feeling well, and I hope your holiday was lovely and healthy <3 Hope you enjoy <3

PSA: this is purely for entertainment purposes and is purely fictional. no one is implying that any of the boys would act this way irl

Hongjoong:

Honestly, with Hongjoong, when he’s finally went and done it he will know you’re finished

He’s one who can’t even fight back when you tell him how disappointed in him you are

“You never loved me did you?”

It’s really that painful

And he wants to scream at you like “I always loved you, how can you say that?!”

But he can’t because he knows that, with the way he had been acting throughout your entire relationship, there is no reason you should believe him

I think his mouth would betray him at some point though

He doesn’t want to hurt you more

In his head he’s like “just dont say anything it will only make it worse”

But he’ll kind of whisper “I’m sorry”

And you just scoff because I mean…seriously

“That’s it?”

Even though you know it would make you angry if he tried to justify his behavior, there’s a part of you that wishes he would

Because if he engaged in an argument with you then maybe, just maybe, that would prove to you that he really did care enough

Why isn’t he begging for forgiveness or trying to hold you or asking you to stay?

And as much as that hurts you, it hurts him even more to think that even if he did all those things, you would probably still leave

Seonghwa:

Seonghwa is one who will project his guilt and anger with himself onto you

So he will be quiet for a while

But then he will absolutely explode

Says a lot of things he doesn’t mean

“If you loved me enough then I wouldn’t have to look elsewhere”

Likes to play the blame game because it will hurt him too much to accept full responsibility

Can’t allow himself to know that he has behaved as terribly as he has

But at the same time, he can’t believe anything coming out of his own mouth during the argument

When he sees you packing up some of your stuff to leave he goes quiet again

It’s finally hitting him how at fault he is and that this is probably something your relationship can’t come back from

Absolutely refuses to look at you

“Nothing to say?”

And he’d just stay quiet because what could he say really?

It would hurt his pride to let you see him shatter

But when the door shuts behind you, the crack in his heart finally gives way to a bigger hole anyway

Yunho:

He’s gonna be crying

Before you even say anything, he’s choking on tears

Absolutely overwhelmed with guilt and self-loathing

And the way you look at him? With such hatred and disdain?

That’s what kills him

But he knows he deserves it

And he knows that he would probably feel the same way if the roles were reversed

The shame doesn’t stop him from apologizing profusely and practically collapsing to his knees

Begging you to forgive him and pulling on your shirt sleeves as you’re grabbing your purse and keys

Honestly on the verge of screaming

It’s sinking in that this is most likely the end for the two of you and its hurting him pretty bad

And he’s looking at you in a way that makes you want to wipe his tears and kiss him and say everything’s okay

But you don’t and you can’t

Because if you forgive him he will only betray you again

Yeosang:

Does not say a single word to you

But he will watch you as you move quickly around your shared living space, packing most of what you own

Feels compelled to offer to leave himself and let you stay

But he knows you would never be able to be here without him

This was always your space as a couple, and since you were clearly no longer a couple, you would most likely never set foot in the space again

He knows that if it really is the end - he’s still trying to hold onto hope that there may be a chance after this (even when, in the back of his mind, he knows it’s over) - that you’ll come back inside

His eyes are really wide and watery as he watches you

Refuses to let any tears fall in front of you though

He knows that he doesn’t have the right to cry when he was the one who betrayed you

But if he was the one at fault, why is he in so much pain?

San:

So, so, so angry with himself

And he’s crying tears of frustration and just overall bitterness

He will apologize once and then leave you be

“Maybe they just need time. To be alone for a while?”

So he will abandon you in your shared bedroom and lock himself away in another room

Hears you rummaging around but he’s kind of still in denial about the severity of the situation

So he assumes that youre getting ready for bed or looking for your diary or something

But then he hears zippers and the oh-so-familiar clunk of a suitcase and he freezes

Holding his breath nearly until he turns blue

Peaks out from his hiding place to see you pulling on a sweater and tugging a suitcase to the front door

Watches as you pause, sigh, and with watery eyes gaze for what is likely the last time at all the things you two had once shared

During your short scan of the room, you lock eyes with San, still peeking from behind a door

You look away quickly, and march out the door

Mingi:

Doesn’t realize how much he has hurt you at first

Figures it will just be like the other times and after a good night’s sleep you will feel better about it

But this time is different

As Mingi lazes around, watching TV or scrolling through his phone, you have never been busier

Collecting whatever you would need to spend the night elsewhere, only this time you would not be back

You could send for the rest of your things later

For now you just needed to get away from him and all the things that reminded you he was there

It only infuriated you more to see him sitting calmly on the couch as if nothing was wrong when you felt like your entire world was falling apart

He only looks up when he hears the jingling of keys

He looks at you, eyes slowly widening in realization

You scoff to yourself before spinning on your heel, leaving him alone with an open mouth and watering eyes

Wooyoung:

Chases you around the house as you begin to gather your things

He has genuinely never been more afraid in his entire life

He is about to lose the biggest part of him and he knows it’s his own fault

It’s absolutely should crushing

He will try to stop you from taking certain things

Will yank shirts and skincare products, everything you touch, out of your hands and try to put them back in their place

In the place you share together

Maybe if your things stay, then you will too

But youre too tired to fight him anymore

So you let him take things from you

And once you finally have an outfit or two and a toothbrush you let him keep the rest

You can come back another time

Or maybe you will send someone else

Either way, it could way for another day when you were feeling less damaged

Realizing his efforts to keep you with him are failing, Wooyoung will literally drop to his knees in front of you

But you simply walk around him and look at him one last time before leaving for good

Jongho:

Kind of just stands and watches you from the doorway of your shared bedroom as you pack up to leave him

Its like all the strength has left his body

When he senses you are almost done packing he flees to another part of your home

You hear things breaking and thunking around, only assuming he was having an absolute fit

In his violent attempt to rid his body of all the negative emotion he was feeling

He unknowingly scared you, only compelling you to leave him even quicker

Finalizing all of your choices, you shoved the majority of your belongings into a suitcase and a backpack before knocking on the door to the room he had retreated into

“I’m going” you would say simply and firmly

The door would fling open and you would stare numbly at the tear-streaked face of a man you once trusted

“Bye, Jongho” you would whisper, your voice cracking as you said his name

Then you would turn on your heel and try to ignore that his fingers grazed your own as he reached for you for the last time

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netheritenugget · 4 years ago

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Alright, I'll bite. What sort of King is Eret here? And what manner of monster?

Sorry this took so long! I had too much fun writing this post and it’s super long now. Oops.

(I made a couple of posts about a Dream SMP Undertale AU)

If you’re good at reading between the lines this post contains major spoilers for Undertale. I know the game has been out for ages, but if you care, block the tag "Dream SMP Undetale AU"

IRL Eret is very fond of ferrets and flamingos, and they're very cool animals, but they aren’t that intimidating for a monster design. But Eret also likes bears (their stuffed bear Ted is their unofficial channel mascot) and that's definitely boss-monster material. So I think Eret would be a bear monster of some kind, just for the sheer intimidation factor.

I think Eret would be a good king, policy-wise. They'd do their best to bring hope to the Underground, and they wouldn't be the one collecting human souls in this AU, that's someone else who is well-known for killing people (: As for how people perceive them, and how they got there... Welllll...

Eret wasn't the first King, that title goes to Wilbur, who was the King when the War of Humans And Monsters happened. Eret was loyal back then, but that loyalty wavered when the monsters lost the war, and it fell apart when the realities of living underground made the other monsters restless and bitter. Many people blamed Wilbur for losing. Eret did too, and became very outspoken against him.

Dream took advantage of Eret's anger, poisoning his mind and feeding his resentment, and encouraged them to challenge Wilbur to a duel for the crown, telling them they'd be a much better king than he is. (: Eret challenged Wilbur, but the duel was not to the death, it was points based, though of course with all duels the chance of death is there. Eret won without killing him, though, and Wilbur gave them the crown. He was naturally extremely upset about being dethroned, but otherwise everything was fine.

Until Wilbur ended up murdered the next day. The first suspect was Eret but there was no actual evidence who the culprit was, since monsters turn to dust after death and there weren't any witnesses. Eret's reputation is damaged, faith in their leadership shaken.

The Player arrives in Cogchamp (the Ruins) after their initial meeting with Dream is interrupted by Fundy before Dream can kill them. Fundy tries to talk to him, but he just runs away, claiming that the situation is "too awkward." The player learns that Fundy is living there to escape the emotional turmoil of losing his father and his doubts that Eret isn't as innocent as he claims. Fundy misses Eret very much, wondering if they were alright after he left, and saying that he wants to go fishing with them when he goes back, like he and Wilbur used to.

Fundy gives us some lore about Dream. Fundy stopped being friends with him after Dream got very suddenly "too Weirdchamp" about everything. Fundy says he's seen Dream with a human who fell down before, but he never saw the human again, even though he looked all over. Dream denied it when he asked.

Fundy also fills the role of acquainting the Player with game mechanics, though he's much more chaotic and prankish, and the Player becomes his friend. He tries to prevent the Player from leaving Cogchamp because he's lonely, but ultimately relents because he knows he can’t bring himself to hurt someone who was nice to him. Unless it's a Genocide Route, in which Fundy doesn't try to fight the Player, and instead flees to the rest of the Underground, to warn Eret and the other monsters. </3

But this post is about Eret, I'm getting sidetracked here.

Everyone else's reactions to current events is mixed. Some monsters like Hbomb and Puffy stubbornly believe that Eret didn’t kill Wilbur, others like Purpled are just upset that they felt the need to overthrow him in the first place. The Sleepy Bois want them dead for killing their family, and are planning to assassinate them.

Niki is the closest to Eret, and talks about them the most. She talks about how they were her emotional rock during the War, and that though they're still good friends, she's seen less and less of them lately, and they don't smile as much anymore.

Despite how things turned out, Eret still tries their best to be a good King, and bring people hope. Whenever the Player goes to a new area and finds a new box for items, they always find a piece of "you matter <3 - Eret" item inside that grants temporary defense. Eret also built a lot of important public facilities in the Underground outside of Cogchamp, like a museum in which the Player learns of Wilbur’s heroism in the War of Humans And Monsters. They also built several bridges and an aquarium for monsters in Waterfall (because of the water level problems Waterfall is having).

Much like Asgore, the Player's opinion of Eret is based entirely on what others have to say about them. The Player might feel strongly that they're too nice to have done something like this, and something else is going on, or that Eret definitely could have killed Wilbur and the Sleepy Bois are right to seek justice for a wrong that has been committed.

Boss Battles:

For Eret's boss fight in the Genocide Route... Oh boy.

Eret’s fight isn't as difficult as Technoblade’s would be, but it’s difficult because you can't damage Eret in the beginning. In spite of Eret's protests, Niki comes to try to protect them, shielding Eret from all damage until you kill her. Then Eret goes into a sorrow-fueled rage and enters into "No-one Knows" mode, removing their sunglasses. They use their last words to beg the Player to find enough mercy in their heart to Spare Fundy.

The last person the Player kills in the Genocide run is indeed Fundy, who Eret was hiding in the Castle. It's not a fight, it's just murder. It's very sad.

Before the boss fight in the Neutral Route, we're privy to a conversation between Eret and Ghostbur, in which Ghostbur comes to visit the castle. Eret tells Ghostbur they're sorry for everything they've done, and that taking his place was the biggest mistake of their life. Ghostbur claims other people say they killed him, and asks if Eret did. Eret avoids the question, stating that they've already told Wilbur the truth about what happened many times, there's no point if he can’t remember. Ghostbur presses the question, stating that even if he'll forget later, he'd like to know, because he does remember being Eret's friend, and he's worried about them. The Player is noticed before Eret can answer him.

Eret fights the Player alone. Eret admits to the Player that they should probably be a good sport and just die, they don’t want to hurt a child, but they know the Player needs their soul to leave, and they're too afraid of death not to try and fight.

When they lose, they lament that things turned out this way because they thought they could do a better job than Wilbur, and that they can't seem to do anything right as a King or a mentor to Fundy. They try to give up their soul to the Player, who spares them.

Only for Dream to kill them, steal the soul, and destroy it. Because he's Dream. Dream also reveals to the Player that he was the one who killed Wilbur, because the underground is boring and he needs entertainment. He's been collecting human souls, not to destroy the barrier with, but to become God. Dream goes Photoshop Flowey Mode and fights the Player.

Pacifist Route:

After completing the Neutral route and starting the Pacifist Route, the Player is pointed in toward Eret's castle basement by Dream. The Player discovers a Necromancy Lair (a creepy equivalent to the True Lab in Dr. Alphy's house) with the Wilbur resurrection shrine in it. Once the Player finds the scattered pages torn out of Eret’s diary, it's revealed that Eret suspects Dream killed Wilbur, but they have no proof. The diary talks about how Ghostbur was the result of a secret project by Eret, their failure to revive Wilbur. Their diary also informs us that Dream often comes to torment them about this, taunting them about they'd just made things worse. Eret questions whether or not to step down as King, but wonders who would be able to take responsibility, since Prince Fundy is missing.

The Player also finds a book by someone named "Callahan" about dreamon summoning that Eret was researching (and deemed too dangerous to use, due to the warnings within).

In the final fight against Dream, the Player can Save Eret by giving them pink wool, and reminding them that they matter to Fundy, Niki and the Player.

At the end of the Pacifist run, Eret and Fundy reconcile. Eret crowns Fundy King, and declares that this is how it should have been from the beginning. IDK if Wilbur is revived or not, depends on how bittersweet of an ending I want, maybe Ghostbur just has their memories restored without bringing them back to life? But during the end credits, the three of them can be seen fishing together.

#Anonymous #long post #the eret #eret #dream smp undertale au

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natakari-tash · 4 years ago

Text

More lies, more projecting..

Anons by their side, wow, doesn't sound familiar at all.

December 2019 has been a long time ago, I've been in the twitter GC when the "confrontation" happened. Been confused by the way it all exploded, I remember that clearly. This group chat has always been and meant to be a safe space, to vent, to discuss fandom things, talk about the show too. When misunderstandings happened they were either cleared up in chat or in messages or just given time to cool off. People clash sooner or later, you can't agree with everyone on everything, nothing wrong about that. No one is, will be nor was blamed for leaving the chat, even less for taking a break from the fandom. Also need to add that all fans are equal regardless the followers or whatever reason someone finds to assign as "qualifying" to be better than others. So, a group chat of fans that are friends, new people added here and there, new friendships made, fallouts happen here and there, friends talk again, life continues.

Except... This was never a problem to these two. Tink and Saz. They saw and seem to still see it the same way (if not worse) as back then. That Min is the problem. Guilty of always speaking condescendingly to other fans according to both, considering Tink an "idiot" which was pulled out of thin air (again, I happened to open the chat on those messages, closed it as I thought it has been cleared up to an extent).

How did Saz reply to my message where I reached out to her? "I'm sorry you feel that way"

See? No remorse. Claimed she wasn't uncomfortable with the whole gc but uncomfortable and scared of Min. Sell that bs to someone else.

According to Saz, the whole chat was okay with Min's horrible behavior that no one dared to speak about nor put a stop to it which had to be changed. When no one bit her bait she was clearly free to claim we're all horrible people that gang up on others and attack them relentlessly whenever they think differently. She's still saying it. Wow, standing up to hurting people, to lies, to other obvious bs makes you an awful person. Guess I shouldn't report anyone who attacks shippers solely for the ship and not behavior.

How dare friends vent for the past pain some fans inflicted on them and keep it contained in *gasp* a group chat that isn't public and everyone is free to be themselves?! The woooorst.

Okay, back to those memories.. Soon enough Saz was yet again defending Tink, claiming Min didn't stop but supposedly made subposts or sth and even threatened and blackmailed her.

Uh, wtf?? Way to twist words, wow, taking everything someone posts as personal. So healthy...

I've left them alone, so did my friends from chat and outside it. It's always the two that mention us in some way, add a lie etc. They do it in cycles they keep accusing us of.

Turn off that projector already, you two, move on, stop being vengeful spirits, c'monnn.

I'm not sure what happened before and what after, me messaging Saz or her messaging people from the chat she supposedly considered friends like Tink supposedly did too, I am sure that Saz went around trying to pull people with her and stand up to the massive threat that she clearly still sees Min as. I never messaged Tink. None of the people that have been contacted from the chat that have known Min for longer than me and also irl, none have agreed with Saz. What's even worse, Saz fed all that to another friend that I didn't see as being played by her, used this friend at the confrontation. That it indeed took me long to see.

At a point the two admitted that why they joined the chat for over a year, planning to leave it soon, that they regretted thinking it was a good idea, then both acted like that didn't happen- never said that, that no one saw that. Suuuure.

Hey, people have memory not just eyes. Your bs is not any less bs, Tink, Saz. Think we'll just ignore what we know know and ignore your maskless faces? Nah. Nice try.

Filp and flop, bitter then not and not then bitter again, contradicting selves again and again, taking every swing our way as an opportunity to add to it...

Like I mentioned already, it's cyclic. Feeling attacked so they let it out, then silence from them about it, bam, silence, more lies, silence, more slander, silence, new name for the horrible gc, silence and without doubt there's been bad mouthing in the months I moved on and didn't even remotely think of either of them.

When I expressed doubt to Saz about her words she took it as intimidation tactics, that this is what she gets or daring to disagree with Min and trying to call out Min. Her words. That I'm blind if I can't see the problem with Min, also that I'm bullying her.

Hello? Irony anyone? Self-awareness?? No one's home. Naturally. She's the frigging blind one. When it's more than one person that tells you you're wrong maybe take a step back and consider seeing where you're wrong and work on it. Saz and Tink have been around Min for less than others within the chat if I'm correct. Hell, I didn't know Min for as long as Chriss, Shea, Dot, Hikari, Sam and many others, yet still enough to see how Min is. A person, that like everyone can mess up, fight, apologize, stand up to inaccuracies, to bs and other things while doing their thing, living their life, having their views...

Saz and Shea talked, anyone that knows anything about Shea knows that she won't just nod to bs and . She knows how people can get, knows how to handle them, had a job like that. She can go from zero to murder cop if necessary. Being Min's partner she looked into the situation and guess what? The whole thing has been taken out of proportions, there was no condescending tone, and also no innocents she said. I'll never forget that. No innocents. No one was innocent. There have been mistakes made my Min, being condescending WASN'T one of them.

Yes, I've accused Saz of being okay with Yeshim because Drula is all buddy with Yeshim who Saz was (is?) friendly with, true, had to see the reaction. Did I believe that? Nope. That reaction along with the previous messaging told me enough on its own. Wasn't seeing her as a friend when I first messaged her already yet still being open to hear her side but nothing more cause it was clear to me she won't change her mind any soon nor will apologize to everyone she hurt. Her reply showed me she didn't and doesn't care about anyone in the chat but her and Tink.

I'll say it no matter how many times it needs to be said. If one of my friends does sth wrong and I see it I'll most likely contact them, reach out to them, tell them they did sth wrong, do it within a chat as it happens if needed.

My point? I don't manipulate the people I consider as friends.

And once again.. Not only I'd notice the superiority in tone if there was any, I'd frigging mention it and talk about it. Most likely in DMs.

It looked like a misunderstanding at first, handled poorly, it uncovered a whole mountain of yikes in the end, kept getting worse since then. I think Saz never truly saw anyone in chat as her friends, she wouldn't accuse us that fast and keeping it up so long if she did. Acting like we betrayed her not the other way around.

Now the cult thing, Polol Discord server, Min being the cult leader.. Saz is lying again. Tink too. Notice the pattern?

Min being guilty of sth. Them not able to see what's right infront of their noses. People supposedly fearing Min and afraid to disagree. Min being a mighty fearful cult leader for having certain knowledge & being specialized in their fields. Uh, not happening. Obsessed much?

Ask anyone in the server, I'm waiting.

Stop projecting your issues on people, Saz and Tink. Not anyone's fault around here you feel inferior, feel the need to save people from others, feeling threatened without being threatened, playing victim for who knows how long so far, assigning power and clout where it's not in play at all. Therapy is nothing shameful, moving on is necessary. Please.

#hop off already #life is meant to be lived #move tf on already #tink #saz

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lilydalexf · 4 years ago

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Slippin’ Mickeys

Only 3 stories by Slippin’ Mickeys ended up at Gossamer, but she’s written many more stories than that. She’s also one of the few authors who posted numerous stories during the show’s original run and then again in the revival years. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here, including Last Chance Falls and Currahee. Big thanks to Slippin’ Mickeys for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I would say that it does and doesn't surprise me. It surprises me that anyone would want to read something I wrote all those years ago, (only in that I was an actual teenager at the time, and had no chops at all -- I've grown a lot as a writer, and honestly have trouble reading my old stuff because I would have made much different creative decisions now). But the fanfiction that came out of the original run of the show -- from almost day one -- was so rich and varied and a lot of it so well written that I am not the least bit surprised that people want to read it today. I go back and read old favorites often, and am always thrilled to find something that's new-to-me, even if it's 27 years old.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

The first thing I think about when I think about my fandom experience are the friends I made along the way. The X-Files came up with the internet, and there was a whole new way of connecting with people that liked the things that you liked. To this day, I am good friends with many people that I met through the show back in 1997-98. When the revival came about, I dove back in, and made new, more recent friendships that are just as rich. I love the show, but I also love the people I met along the way.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I first got into the show's online community on some random message board that I think I probably found through a Yahoo search one day in a computer lab on my university's campus. I connected with one woman from Greece named Fay that day, who invited me to join a group of women that chatted about the show after it aired on Monday nights. After the first time I hooked up with them, we talked almost daily via ICQ. Later, in the early aughts, I found the forums on Mighty Big TV/Television Without Pity, where some of the most intelligent discussion was going on. The forums were heavily moderated, and so they were always on topic, and it was just a smart, funny, great place to be.

Eventually, I started working for TWoP as both a writer and moderator (surprise! A lot of people don't know this because TWoP protected the identities of their mods so well, but I was the X-Files board mod after Jessica left!). It was my first paid writing gig and opened doors for me both professionally and personally. Two TWoP recappers were in my wedding!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Fanfiction opened my eyes to storytelling as a medium. I'd obviously gone to school and read books, but it opened my eyes to words to could do and be. It was a heady time. There were stories of every stripe. Short, long, canon-compliant, AU, experimental, you name it. We had such gifted writers, too. To this day, I'd almost rather read a piece of well written fanfic than a good book. Fanfic made me want to be a storyteller myself.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

It was the 'ship. God bless the ship. My first episode was Never Again, but I didn't watch again until I was sitting with my college roommate freshman year and she was like "sorry, but I have to watch The X-Files on Sunday nights." That first episode was Redux. The next week was Redux II, and by then it was all over for me. The lengths Mulder and Scully would go to for each other? And the relationship wasn't even sexual? Here were two people who loved each other. Really loved each other. Selflessly. I was SO IN.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

At first, I started reading it. This was back when you could only watch the show in reruns or on those VHS tapes that were sold in three packs that had two eps on each tape (I still have the trading cards that came with them), so after I burned through the VHS options (of which there were few), and set my VCR to tape the weekly reruns on FX, I needed MORE. I found fanfic. And in fanfic, Mulder and Scully actually like, kissed and maybe even had sex! I read everything I could get my hands on. Pretty soon, I wanted to write it myself.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Things are tough these days. It's a hard world to live in, and politics aside, it just feels like everything is falling apart around us. When I first found the show, my life was in a bit of upheaval and I dove into the fandom to distract myself. I'm doing the same thing these days. When the show ended, I left the fandom and lived without it for about 15 years. But when the revival came (and really only after finishing season 11 -- season 10 didn't do much for me), I dove back in. I have quite a few more responsibilities these days, but when I can't watch the news anymore, I log on to XF Twitter (I use my fandom account far more than my IRL account) or Tumblr and get lost for a while. And most nights find me reading or writing fanfic before bed. When the world gets better (I'm cautiously optimistic) and the show has been off the air for years and years, will I leave again? Maybe. But for now, it's once again my happy place.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Nothing hardcore. The X-Files is my ride or die.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I do an occasional episode or movie rewatch. Not too often, but when I'm jonesing and have 45 free minutes, I'll put one on. But I'm writing fanfic again, and I get hit with inspiration at random and odd intervals, so it's safe to say I find myself thinking about Mulder and Scully probably more than is healthy.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

All the time. The old stuff, the new stuff, the good stuff. If I have five minutes and my kid is entertaining himself? I'll happy pull out an old favorite.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

I'm reluctantly abstaining from this question, as I'm still active in the fandom and I know that naming favorites will hurt some feelings.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Of The Eight Winds is probably my favorite. I've had a lot of fun writing AU's lately. It's a nice creative outlet, taking our favorite agents and plunking them in a totally different world.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Do I! I have a whole ass queue. It's frankly irresponsible.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I was writing professionally before I had a baby, and I took years off to be a stay at home mom. Once my kiddo was finally in school full time, I started writing again. With the pandemic, that's for the most part on hold, as I just don't have the bandwidth to dedicate to professional work. Fanfic is easier to play with when you only have five minutes here or there, and it's also great exercise when it comes to plotting and prose, so I'm sticking with fic for now. When the kiddos are all back in school, maybe I can start getting paid again.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I get a lot of prompts that I just adore. And honestly, a lot of times, I'll post a stupid picture or ridiculous prompt of my own on Twitter and get dared to write it. If the idea gets stuck in my craw, I generally have to exorcise the demon.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Bad Blood had just aired and I was obsessed with it. I wanted to pay homage to it, so took Mulder's "who slipped him the mickey?" quote and ran with it. Do I regret that? Sometimes.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

My husband knows and is supportive. He's a working writer, so he supports my endeavors, though I know he wishes I were doing something I could monetize. But it makes me happy, and ultimately: happy wife, happy life and all that jazz.

The friends of mine that I've made through the fandom all know and are super supportive.

As for the rest, well... I have a nom de plume on purpose!

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

All my newest work is on AO3. My old stuff can be found on various archives. Like the truth... it's out there.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I'd leave it with: we're a blessed fandom. The show we stan (even with the real stinkers, there's always something to love) keeps giving, the fellow fans are all some of the smartest, sweetest, and most dedicated people out there... we've been blessed for 25 years, and I don't see that stopping any time soon.

(Posted by Lilydale on August 11, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #slippinmickeys #xf fanfic author interviews

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justalittlebluetiefling · 4 years ago

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Absolutely adore your takes on Jester, and wanted to get your opinion— Jester has been questioning the Traveler a lot recently to different responses, but her convo this week with Fjord stuck out. Objectively it seemed like Fjord said all the right things (I don’t want you getting hurt etc) but Jester seemed to be putting up walls anyway—the whole dynamic between her questioning and reassurance is fascinating— does she want them looking out for her? reassurance? im curious as to your perception

You come to me, a known Fjorester shipper? No no no no I’m kidding I’m kidding I love this question, even not as a shipper. I’ve wanted to talk about this, but I know I’m pretty biased when it comes to their interactions. I think most of this can be interpreted under either brotp or otp guidelines, though!

Thanks so much, anon.

Do you guys even come here for long rambling answers? I’m so sorry. Below the cut, because I decided to pull exactly two screenshots from the conversation and it’s like 1700 words. Also, I swear I get around to answering your actual question lol. Maybe? I don’t know if I actually answered it. I just love Jester a lot.

So, first, I’m going to say something I know I wrote yesterday, but it bears repeating going into this. Jester is not stupid. She’s really silly, so it’s easy to get into the mindset that she’s “dumb”, but she’s not. And this girl has a 20 Wisdom. She’s insightful af. That’s part of what makes her so dangerous as a Trickery Cleric. She knows exactly what prank she can play on you to promote the most chaos.

Anyway. My point with that? Jester knew why she was asking. She knew what his answer would be because it’s something she’s been thinking about since the reveal that the Traveler isn’t actually a god. Well, maybe she didn’t know what his answer would be. Maybe the right thing to say is that she was afraid of what his answer would be. And having Fjord say things like this out loud when she has been trying to find a way to maintain her faith in the Traveler is terrifying.

Exhibit A:

This is like... literally 5 seconds into her starting to ask Fjord about this. I mostly want you to look at her hand and the way she was gripping her chair. (Yeah, I know that’s Laura, but she’s a really good actress, so she’s Jester right now.) She did that throughout the entire conversation. I just wanted to point out that thing about her hands. It really stuck out to me in the moment and it still sticks out to me now. She is nervous.

So... okay. I think you’re right. Fjord did say the right things in this conversation, because he stayed honest. He didn’t shy away from the point. But the really important thing is that Jester initiated it. He’s been worried about this for a long time, but he never pulled her aside to say, “hey, I’m worried” because I think he may have assumed he was projecting. Fjord was being used by Uk’otoa. Maybe he was reading too much into this. Because, when all is said and done, Fjord trusts Jester. He trusts her judgment. If Jester had come straight out during this conversation and said, “No, you’re wrong, he’s not using me,” Fjord would have nodded, said “Okay, cool, let’s do this,” and they would have moved on. The only way I feel like I know that’s the case is because when they were in Vokodo’s lair, he fucking gave up the Star Razor.

Yeah, yeah, he assumes giving it up is temporary (let’s hope it really is), but before he did it, he looks to Jester. He asks her if she’s sure that the Traveler is coming. “Jester, you’re confident that the Traveler will want to come and meet Vokodo? ... Well, then, I don’t mind handing this over.” He’s so confident in Jester’s judgment that he hands over his fucking sword.

And so, what I’m about to say next could be interpreted as shipper eyes, I guess, but I really don’t mean it that way. It’s something I love about their dynamic in general and it is part of why I ship them. But I adore their friendship regardless, because Fjord is the one person in the group that I’ve noticed Jester testing with her vulnerability. And by testing, I mean she’s testing him to see if she can trust him with it. That’s a weird thing to say. I hope it makes sense.

My opinion on this conversation has shifted after watching it like 30 times. When I first watched it, I also interpreted it as Jester slowly getting more closed off through the conversation. But I changed my mind while I was writing this thanks to this screenshot from the end of the conversation:

Laura is an expert RPer. She puts her entire body into it. So, she’s still gripping the chair, but her body language hasn’t closed off from him at all. She’s turned to him. Her shoulders are a little low, because she’s sad, but they’re also open. They’re actually mirroring each other here and maybe that’s because they’re irl marrieds, but I don’t know. And it’s impossible to capture in a screenshot, but she gave him this little sad smile right before this when she thanked him. I really think she appreciated him telling her the truth about his opinion. I’m not sure what she’s going to do with it though.

Jester is scared and she hasn’t stopped being scared for a while. There’s a lot of things for her to be scared about. I think she was looking for a second opinion and I think there is more than one reason she had this conversation with Fjord instead of anyone else. One is the whole one-sided lowkey rivalry she’s feeling with Caduceus right now. She doesn’t want to go to him while she’s questioning her faith, because in her mind, he’s already a better healer than her, so if he has a better relationship with his god, too, than what does she even have? Another is that I think that she really wants to be able to trust someone who isn’t the Traveler with her feelings. And I think she does notice Fjord’s actions and the way he’s been trying to back her up lately. Like Travis said, Jester’s been there for Fjord every step of the way and now he’s trying to return the favor. I think she could use a blatant reminder that it’s what he’s doing, but I really think she sees how he’s been worried about her, worried about her mom, worried about making sure she had a chance to talk to the Gentleman. Even if she doesn’t know why he’s doing these things, she knows he’s doing them.

I also don’t know if she was actually looking for reassurance here. The sad thing is, she expressed her doubts and then as soon as Fjord started to express his own, she started to defend the Traveler again. God, this conversation was so interesting.

Right, but didn’t you also say the Traveler’s not a god either? Well, no, I know.... Right. He’s not. Right. Is that a problem?

Okay, so I’m not sure Jester even heard Fjord ask if that was a problem. And this is when Jester starts to ‘defend’ the Traveler by saying that he’s still really powerful and stuff. And that sort of answered Fjord’s questions about whether or not it’s a problem.

Overall: The Traveler not being a god is a problem for Jester.

When she’s closing herself off as this conversation goes on, I don’t think it’s closing herself off to Fjord. Ugh I said this yesterday I’m sorry it’s repetitive. It’s that she’s grappling with the fact that this is a problem for her and she doesn’t want it to be. She’s already afraid that the Traveler is using her and that maybe he’s not telling her the whole truth. Her saying all this to Fjord is the first time she’s come close to voicing any of those fears to someone else. I think that a part of her was hoping that Fjord would say she was being silly and that of course the Traveler isn’t just a druid. Which is something I think some of the other party members might say just to try to make her feel better. But she doesn’t necessarily want to feel better right now. She wants to know where to go from here.

The thing is, she values Fjord’s opinion. So much. It matters to her that he agrees with her biggest fears. And it hurts. It’s not Fjord that’s hurting her though. It’s that she’s trying to figure out if she can continue to latch onto these old dreams from childhood. It’s the way she says why would he do that when Fjord says he’s worried the Traveler is telling her something opposite of what he’s having her do. Like... she values Fjord and the Traveler in two totally different ways. The Traveler was her only friend growing up, right? But Fjord is her first real-world friend that she made on her own. They met and agreed to help each other out and over time, she’s grown to care about him a great deal. And vice versa. Her relationship with Fjord, friendship or not, is a huge deal.

So I guess... this conversation was a huge deal to me as a Jester stan, because she doesn’t talk to anyone about her problems. The fact that she finally opened up to someone and voiced her fears out loud is huge and it makes sense to me that she would talk to Fjord about it. Because... he definitely said the right things in this conversation, but he does not have a track record of always saying the right things to the Nein lol. I think she was looking for honesty. I think she was hoping that she’s reading into this too much, but knows that she isn’t. And she knows that Uk’otoa was using Fjord, so he is a good person to talk to, because maybe he can recognize the warning signs.

Sorry this was so long. I could honestly go on about this conversation way longer I think. I hope that this made any kind of sense in the end. And thank you for asking! This is helping me a lot, because I was in that weird spiral about Jester and the Traveler yesterday and typing stuff out like this is helping me figure out where I sit with it.

#critical role #the mighty nein #fjorester #fjord #jester lavorre #the traveler #anonymous #erin answers things #dude i'm sorry this got so long #i swear it has a point #i just loved that conversation #if you can believe it #this was me holding back #god the fjord/jester/artagan dynamic is MY THING #i'm all about this okay #i. love. angst.#cr spoilers

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atozfic · 3 years ago

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Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are. Like when did you say the reason anyone likes femsub or the reason it's popular at all is because they're young or don't know anything about sex? To me it's pretty clear you were talking about it as a larger trend and why it's so much popular than everything else overall. And to be completely frank, what is the reason femsub is so much popular than anything else OVERALL (not why any individual person likes it or it has any kind of appeal), if not gender roles? Are women just naturally more submissive than men (not saying you think this)? Because I have seen people say this, yes even so-called "feminist" men and women, that my preferences are unnatural because men evolved to be sexually dominant and women evolved to be sexually submissive, and that I'll never be in a happy or satisfying relationship unless I make myself more submissive and change my preferences because men just naturally don't like dominant women. I'm pretty sure you would not like if I took those hurtful and negative experiences and said any woman is submissive is that way is because they're misogynists who just think it's all women's nature to be submissive. And I'm pretty sure of this cause of the way that you freaked out when you even THOUGHT somebody might be implying that when they weren't. So why the fuck is it okay for you to say dom women are the way that we are because we think we're "enlightened" or more strong or better than everyone else and only like what we like because we want to be ~not like other girls~ for attention because of your negative experiences? And I like how they only talk about submissive or vanilla women getting shamed, so true bestie, dom type women, sexually or otherwise, never get shamed for their preferences. Nope, never ever. It's not like people always joke about women "wearing the pants" in the relationship and how it means she doesn't respect her partner. It's not like assertive or aggressive women are called a "bitch" but when men act that way it's sexy. It's not like religion teaches women they have to submit to men or no man will ever love them or they'll never be happy. It's not like people say that women that want to be dominant are "acting like men" or "want to be men" and therefore are unattractive, as if dominance is inherently masculine thing. It's not like a lot of men genuinely believe that all/most women want to be dominated in bed and so they don't even have to ask, they just do things to you and try to dominate you without your permission or consent or without ever having talked about that kind of thing before. Nope, we must have it sooo easy because we've got grrrrllll powerrr on our side, all women love us cause they think we're such cool independent and empowered women, and all men love us cause they think we're just so cool and not like the other girls. Like honestly, I don't assume to know what they experience of submissive women is like or that they must have it so easy because they're preferences are in line with gender roles, because I'm not one and i know they don't always have it easy because I've heard of women in the irl bdsm community being treated badly by shitty men who think it's okay to abuse them or do whatever they want to them because they're sub identified (or sometimes just because they're women). So why is it okay for you to assume what are experience is like?

I'm not involved in any real life bdsm community because corona and I'm anti-social bitch but I do like to lurk on online communities for fun (something I should probably stop doing cause it's not good for my mento health luv lmao). This whole thing reminds me of these weird ass screeds I sometimes come across by straight male doms on reddit where they go on and on trying to reconcile their desires with feminist politics either because a) they're genuinely a misogynistic piece of shit and people call them out on it or b) they're genuinely progressive/humanist men who have some difficulty reconciling their desire to be dominant with feminism for whatever reason. And so they do this weird thing where they project these worries and insecurities outwards, and manufacture a situation where anyone who criticises gender roles at all is against them personally, and it would be so much easier if they were just a female dom instead, everyone would apparently have no problem at all with them then, cause grrrrllll powerrr.

I don't like to engage in armchair psychology but the follow-up ask from that anon made it pretty clear to me that they have some insecurities around reconciling their preference for submission with feminism because of some negative and hurtful experiences, and so they deal with it by projecting it onto anyone that suggests that gender roles might be why SOME people gravitate more towards it and why it's so much more popular than everything else. I'm sorry that those people said those things to you anon, they're wrong, but a) most of those people tend to be against all bdsm in general, not just femsub and b) you need to work out those insecurities by yourself. You can't lash out at anyone who tries to talk about the relationship between societal norms and preferences at all, it's not helpful or productive.

Also how do they know those people unfollowed you for that reason? Is that an assumption or a verifiable fact? I'm not necessarily saying they didn't either, I'm not a mind reader, but like, some people are just sexist and think women are naturally submissive, sexually or otherwise. I've met them before.

to quote my therapist: that was alot to unpack.

i'm gonna give a longer reply under the cut but i just want to state here i'm not posting this ask to offend or hurt, or even "one-up", the original anon who sent that ask regarding sub!females. i have no issue with them and, again, think they're in every right to send their original ask. i'm posting it because i do think this anon made some very interesting points and brought up alot of worthy of being discussed topics.

let me also put a disclaimer here that i am not a genius nor someone very well-versed in gender politics, i'm simply a twat on the internet with a negative mindset.

"Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are."

this. omfg, t h i s. i see this so much, especially in my younger cousins/relatives who are just now beginning to develop their own political opinions. let's take the conversation away from dom/sub for one second and just focus on gender in society. one of the clearest examples of gender affecting the way someone is treated/viewed is something i've experienced first-hand: i was misdiagnosed four times before i was correctly given my diagnosis for ASD, because most of the studies regarding it center around boys and, therefore, most women go undiagnosed. in fact, for years it was believed only men could have it which is why there has been such a surgence in the past few years of adult women being diagnosed with autism. i remember hitting high school, experiencing academic burn-out (thanks to everything moving too fast + my classmates catching up to me intellectually) and having my teachers treat me like i was an imbecile, or i was lazy, rather than just someone with neurodivergence. (this isn't me implying tjat men with ASD have it easy or that society accepts them anymore than women, it's only easier for them to get diagnosed.)

"it's not like people always joke about women wearing the pants."

this applies to both the shaming of dom women and sub men. the amount of men who get treated like they're "losing their manhood" for letting a women(or anyone else) dom them is ridiculous.

honestly, I think at the end of the day (and to close up this whole issue-that's-not-really-an-issue), we're unfortunately always going to live in a world where people have opinions against either side of the dom/sub spectrum, or the whole bdsm community in general. the best thing we can do is try lessen the internal conflict, especially between dom and sub women. we gotta stop treating each other like the enemy when all we really are is people with a differing preference. at the end of the day, what someone chooses to do in their bedroom is no one else's business (unless it harms anyone) and we need to take away the importance we seem to put on it. we're on a floating rock in space, who cares if becky likes to peg her boyfriend on a sunday morning or if stacy likes to be tied up on a thursday evening?

also, anon, i like the way you worded this whole ask. despite it being long, it was easy to read and you made some great points. sorry my reply isn't more exciting, i just in general agree with most of what you've said.

#again i don't have any issue with the original anon who sent that ask #we all act on impulse when our enotions overwhelm us and i respect them for even thinking they needed to apologise #also have you guys noticed yet that i'm a little bitch who's afraud of confrontation???#we love to see it 🤸‍♀️#🎐: message board #anon asks

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