#i’m really proud of myself this year for making new friends though. from dating apps no less like they are so so special 🫶🏼 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gryffindorcls · 4 years ago

Text

Plot Twist

Summary: Even though she still gets nervous around him, Marinette has been happily dating Adrien for several weeks. However, after agreeing to a mutual reveal with Chat Noir, Marinette postpones her date night with Adrien. Luckily, he also has plans with a friend that night.

Length: 7,178 words

Hello, lovely readers! This was written for the 2020 JV Art and Fic Trade on Discord. There is accompanying art for this fic by @supergirl9130. Be on the look-out for it soon! Enjoy!

(Shout out to my beta for this fic, @miss-congeniality-of-ml)

— AO3

Fanfiction

Marinette snuggled further into Adrien’s embrace, relishing in his warmth. In response, he kissed the crown of her head and sighed.

If someone had told her six months ago that she would be in this position, she would have laughed, cried, and then laughed again. Never in a million years did she actually think that Adrien Agreste would ask her out on a date, let alone want to become her boyfriend.

“Are you still feeling cold?” Adrien whispered into her hair. “Do you want me to get you a blanket?”

She shook her head. “I’m okay.”

“You say that now, but you always get cold again when I let go.”

“Then don’t let go.”

“As you wish, my love.” He held her even tighter, sending her heart into a frenzy.

Much to her chagrin, six weeks of dating still hadn’t taken away all of the nervousness that she felt around him. She quickly discovered that Adrien’s love language was all of them; as a result, he constantly showered her with affection, gifts, and attention. While most of the time Marinette didn’t know how much more her heart could take before it exploded, she’d never been happier.

Ever the gentleman, Adrien never showed her anything less than boundless patience whenever she became a blushing, stuttering mess in his presence. If anything, he seemed to enjoy it, and that only made matters worse.

Whenever she had a “Marinette Moment” (as he affectionately called it from time to time), he would simply smile, pull her into an embrace, and whisper reassuring words into her ear. Sometimes, his soothing would work, but other times it sent her heart off to the races, leaving her to slowly melt into a hyperventilating puddle.

“Marinette, breathe.” Adrien’s hand was running up and down her back. “You’re turning redder than you usually do.”

She wanted to kick herself.

It had happened again.

She hadn’t even realized that she’d been holding her breath this time. Shaking herself back into reality, Marinette exhaled and buried her face against Adrien’s collarbone, relishing in the soft cotton of his designer t-shirt.

“Sorry,” she whispered, slowly feeling the embarrassment fade away.

“You know that you never have to apologize when this happens.” He kissed her cheek. “Like I would really complain about having another opportunity to hold you in my arms.”

“Yeah, but it happens all the time.” Marinette pulled away, bit her lip, and looked down at her lap. “Aren’t you getting tired of it?”

Adrien took her hands in his and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “Never. I love everything that makes you, you.”

Had it not been for the warmth that filled her chest upon hearing his declaration, she would have combusted again, but instead, she pulled her hands away and launched herself into Adrien’s arms. “You’re amazing. How did I get so lucky?”

He nuzzled his cheek against the crown of her head. “I ask myself the same question every single day. You are not only the best girlfriend I could have asked for, but you are also the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. My only regret is that I didn’t ask you out sooner.”

Momentarily forgetting how to breathe, Marinette choked on her next intake of air. The coughing fit left her breathless and lightheaded.

So much for staying calm.

With sheer panic in his eyes, Adrien’s hands fluttered around her as she gasped for air. “Are you okay? Do you need water? What do I do? Please be okay!”

Taking a sharp intake of breath, Marinette managed to partially regain her composure. “I’m fine.”

The worry still hadn’t left his features. “You didn’t look fine. At least let me get you some water.”

Adrien hopped off of the couch and ran to the mini-fridge under his desk. Upon returning, he handed her a chilled water bottle and sat down next to her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He put his arm around her. “Did you choke on air again?”

She sighed. “No. It was your cuteness this time.”

“Oh, really?” The panic in his eyes melted away, leaving behind a dazzling smile. “Twice in one day. I’m on a roll!”

“You can’t just tell me that I’m the best girlfriend without warning me!”

“I can’t help myself. Complimenting you has become a hobby of mine.”

“Well, your hobby is going to kill me.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I’m serious! You’ve watched me launch objects across the room and trip on air when I’m around you. One day you’re going to be so adorable that I’m going to get spooked and fall to my death or something.”

“You know I’ll never let anything like that happen to you, right?” Leaning in close, his breath ghosted her cheek. “I’ll always be there to catch you when you fall.”

The heat moved to her ears. “Adrien…”

Using his index finger, he tilted her chin upward and captured her lips under his. “Okay, I’ll stop.”

“Thank you.” Satisfied, she returned the gesture with an even deeper kiss, eliciting a contented hum from her boyfriend’s throat.

“For now.” His mouth curled into a Cheshire grin as he pulled away from the kiss.

With a pout, Marinette stood up and made her way to the opposite side of the couch. After crossing her arms and sitting down with a playful huff, she turned her head and stuck out her tongue.

“Marinette!” Adrien jutted out his bottom lip and pressed his hands together. “Please come back! The couch is getting cold.”

“Nice try, Agreste. Those kitten eyes won’t work on me!” Marinette looked away and pointed her chin in the air. “Have fun sitting by yourself.”

“NOOO! You have to come back!” Marinette choked back a laugh, and Adrien held his hands up in surrender. “Fine! You win, my love.”

“Good.” She crawled across the couch and resettled herself against his shoulder. “Now, hold still. I’m tired after almost dying.”

“Oh, so now I’m nothing more than a pillow to you? I see how it is.”

“Shhh! Pillows don’t talk.”

“GASP!”

Marinette snorted. “Oh my God...did you really just say the word ‘gasp’?”

“So what if I did?” Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her back to his side.

“Who even does that?”

“I do!”

“You are such a dork.”

“And you’re surprised?”

No.

At least not anymore.

On their first date, Adrien had spent thirty solid minutes trying to balance a salt shaker on its edge while gushing over his new favorite movie. As she watched him hunch his body over the table, stick out his tongue, and maneuver the salt shaker into the perfect position, Marinette realized that the person who had been taped all over her walls was Adrien Agreste, the perfect model and son, not the boy who sat before her.

No, this was not the Adrien who went to photoshoots, took perfect pictures, and sat up straight during interviews. This was not the Adrien who smiled politely when approached and shook hands with powerful men and women. This was not the fabricated Adrien from the magazine quizzes whose personality was defined by his favorite color and the brand of shampoo he used to wash his hair.

This was the Adrien who had swallowed his pride and admitted that he didn’t know how to make friends. This was the Adrien who had seen a girl standing in the rain and sacrificed his comfort by giving her his umbrella. This was the Adrien who loved video games, whose eyes lit up when he saw a plate of cookies. This was the Adrien she’d fallen in love with, the Adrien she’d lost sight of when her mind had been clouded by infatuation.

That night, Marinette rediscovered what love meant. She’d silently cursed herself for getting lost in the glossy, ten-page spreads and towering advertisements that brandished his face, for jumping to conclusions without knowing the full story.

At that moment, she vowed to learn the full story, to truly get to know the Adrien behind the flashing lights and perfect etiquette. She’d dreamed of a life with Adrien, but in actuality, she’d only dreamed of a life with the idea of him.

Marinette didn’t know that she could love a person more than she already did, but at that dinner table under the soft light of a chandelier, her heart expanded to make way for all that she had to discover about her new boyfriend.

So yeah, he was a dork. A kind, selfless, sometimes clueless, wonderful, and amazing dork.

She smiled and tapped his nose. “No, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

He beamed. “Good! Because I’m not going anywhere.”

“And one day I’ll be able to handle your sweet nothings without turning into a puddle.” Marinette picked the water bottle off of the table and took several long sips.

“Once again, I will repeat this until the day I die. Your blushing is one of the cutest things on the planet. It rivals videos of kittens eating loudly and ducklings wearing hats. You’re absolutely purr-fect.”

Water nearly came shooting out of her nose. “Adrien Agreste, did you just make a cat pun?”

“Yup!” He looked so proud of himself.

All the nervousness from before disappeared, for if there was one thing she knew how to do, it was how to deal with a cat-pun slinging boy with a smug grin on his face.

“Is there a reason for the puns, or are you just trying something new?”

“I think you meant to ask if I was trying something mew.”

“Nope, that’s all you.” “Well, to answer your question from before, punning is a part of my purr-sonality. C’mon...just admit they’re claw-some.”

“Goodness gracious, just how many cat puns do you have in your arsenal?”

“I can go all night, Marinette.”

“And pray tell, where did you learn all of these puns?”

“I have a few cat pun websites bookmarked on my computer and my phone. I also have a cat pun translator app, and I bought a pun dictionary. But I put all of the best ones I find in my notes app.” He whipped out his phone, tapped the screen a few times, and held it out for her to see. “I’ve always liked puns, but the cat ones kind of took over.”

She bit back a laugh. “Who are you? Chat Noir?”

An indistinguishable emotion flickered behind his eyes before quickly being replaced by a mischievous glint. “Would that be the worst thing?”

No.

But something like that happening would be too good to be true.

Her partner was the best, and there was no doubt in her mind that whoever was behind the mask was brave, kind, loyal, and an all-around amazing human being, so it wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibility for the love of her life to be Chat Noir. However, Marinette knew that she wasn’t that lucky. At least the world had been blessed with two equally as amazing blond boys...who both apparently loved puns.

“Not at all.” She smiled and shook her head. “He’s a pretty cool guy.”

“R-really? You think so?” His voice uncharacteristically cracked on the last word of his question.

“Yeah, he’s my favorite hero.”

“Wait, really? It’s not Ladybug?”

“Nope. It’s Chat.”

And how could it not be? Her partner was incredible, and soon she would be able to tell him that not as Ladybug, but as Marinette.

Chat had been overjoyed when she’d suggested a mutual reveal. It was long overdue, and now that she was comfortable as the new Guardian, she was ready. It would make things safer for both of them to know. Not to mention she was excited at the prospect of being able to double down on their search for Hawkmoth.

Oh, how she dreamed of the day that Hawkmoth’s reign of terror came to an end! With her and Chat working together as both heroes and civilians, that dream might finally have the chance of becoming a reality.

If only Adrien could know about my life behind the mask, she mused, He’d probably be super helpful. Perhaps that’s something Chat and I could dis-

Her thoughts were interrupted by a piercing ring.

Adrien picked up his phone, turned off the blaring alarm, and sighed. “As much as I would love to stay here and cuddle, I have to go meet with my work friend now. Are you sure it’s okay that we’re skipping date night for this?”

Oh, right.

He was meeting with a friend today, as well.

She’d been worried about canceling her plans with Adrien, but he’d seemed relieved when she had brought it up earlier that week. When he revealed that he had also made dinner plans and needed to postpone their date, she couldn’t help but marvel at how in sync their lives were.

“Of course! It’s important for us to hang out with other people sometimes.” Marinette looked up at him through her eyelashes and smiled. “And we’re not canceling date night. We just moved it to tomorrow.”

“That’s right!” He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “And to make it up to you, I will make sure that it is the most amazing date you’ve ever been on!”

“Even more amazing than the time you took me to Gabriel’s annual investor’s gala?”

Adrien nodded his head. “Most definitely.”

“Oh?” Marinette bit back a laugh. “And why is that?”

His face fell flat, matching the tone of his voice. “Because my father won’t be there.”

Giving in and falling into a fit of giggles, she held her stomach and doubled over. “Yeah, that would definitely do it! He made things so awkward when he demanded that you dance with that girl.”

“Sadly, it’s not the first time he’s done something like that. He’s always using me as a marketing tool with the investors. Let’s just say that having me spend time with a rich man’s daughter is one of my father’s many business tricks.”

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “At least he’s out of town for the next few weeks.”

“Yeah, thank goodness.” He leaned in and pecked her on the lips. “It means that I have you all to myself with no interruptions.”

The alarm on his phone went off a second time.

He took a deep breath and tapped the screen. “Except for right now. I really do have to get going soon.”

Marinette took her phone out of her purse and looked at the time. “Me, too. I told my friend to meet me at 6. If I don’t leave within the next five minutes, I’m definitely going to be late.”

“Same.” Adrien pocketed his phone, hopped off the couch, and grabbed his shoes. “So, where are you meeting up with your friend?”

“Oh, at some cafe I suggested. I went there with Kagami a few times.”

“Have we ever been there together?”

“No, but maybe we could go tomorrow! On our make-up date!” Marinette hopped off of the couch and slipped on her flats.

Adrien returned to her side and took both of her hands in his. “I’d like that.”

Marinette had picked the restaurant because she knew Chat would love it, and the more she thought about it, she knew that Adrien would probably love it, as well. “You know, you and my friend...you and he are really similar. I think the two of you would be really good friends.”

“And if we’re being honest, you and my work friend are so alike it’s insane. I guess there’s a reason why I used to be in love with her.” His eyes blew wide as he clasped his hands over his mouth. “I mean…”

Marinette took a step back. “The girl you’re meeting with today...she was the girl you-”

He frantically waved his hands in front of him. “No! It’s not like that anymore! I swear! I don’t love her...I mean, I do, but not like that. She’s like family? Also, she’s dating someone now. She only saw me as a friend, so it didn’t work out.”

“I always thought it was Kagami.” She collapsed back onto the couch, feeling her heart sink. “That means I wasn’t even your second choice. I was your third.”

Adrien scrambled onto the couch. “No, no! Please don’t start thinking like that.”

“But it’s true.” Feeling smaller than she’d ever felt, Marinette buried her head in her hands and pushed back tears that threatened to fall. “I’m sorry you didn’t wind up with either of the people you loved before me.”

“Marinette, I need you to look at me.” He carefully pulled her hands away from her face and held them in a steady grip. “You weren’t my third choice. You weren’t even my second choice. You were my always choice.”

“Your...always choice?” A tear slipped down her cheek and fell onto her lap. “I don’t understand.”

“You know what? Neither did I until the day I found out that you had a crush on me. Sure, I was in love with the girl I work with. It consumed me and didn’t let me think about anything else, but she didn’t want a relationship with me. I was heartbroken, and while I respected her wishes, I didn’t know how I could ever love another person the same way. Then Nino made his little slip-up, and I realized that I already did.” He leaned in and rested his forehead on hers. “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met.”

“But…”

“No buts. Please. I care about my work friend a lot, but I am in love with you. Yes, loving her was exciting, like fireworks, but loving you feels like…” His face softened, his gaze filled with adoration. “It feels like home.”

Her breath hitched. “Adrien…”

“Marinette.” The reverence in which he uttered her name set her entire being ablaze.

“You’re going to melt me into a puddle again.”

“Good.”

She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and closed herself around him. Returning the gesture, he drew her into a tight embrace. With his chest flush against her own, Marinette could feel the pounding of his heart and the depth of his breaths.

When he pulled away, she immediately felt the absence of his warmth. She sniffled, and using his thumbs, he wiped away the wetness from her cheeks.

“Now go have fun with your friend.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I want to hear all about it when I call you tonight.”

Marinette couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped. “Thanks, you, too.”

“And maybe the both of us could convince our friends to hang out as a group one day...you know, since we’re all so alike.”

“It’s funny. My friend used to have a crush on me, and I turned him down. It sounds like our friends wouldn’t just hit it off, but they might just be made for each other...like you and I are.” She couldn’t help but laugh as she pictured Chat and Adrien’s work partner meeting for the first time. “Too bad my friend is already dating someone.”

“My co-worker is dating someone as well.” Adrien chuckled and shook his head. “But for real, it sounds like they’d be a match made in heaven.”

“Wouldn’t it be funny if they were actually dating each other?” It was a ridiculous thought, but it felt good to laugh after crying.

Adrien nearly doubled over. “That would be the most insane plot twist. Their relationship would be like one of those romances from a movie or something.”

“Only if it’s a really cheesy movie!” She thought back to all of the times she’d dealt with Chat’s flirtations. “I know for a fact that my friend is the ultimate hopeless romantic.”

“You mean like me?”

“Well, I did say that the two of you were alike.”

“Then I must meet this classy gentleman friend of yours!” Adrien held a finger in the air as he spoke. “He and I shall be the best of friends.”

An infinitely more ridiculous idea popped into her head. “I just thought of an even bigger plot twist!”

“Let’s hear it.”

“What if you’re actually the friend I’m meeting today?”

“Well then, may I suggest the biggest plot twist of all? You and I are actually each other’s friends, and we didn’t know because until today, we’ve been dressing up in disguises every time we’ve met up.”

Marinette slapped her hands against her cheeks and feigned surprise. “Then that would mean that you fell in love with me twice!”

Yeah, it would! And it would also mean that you turned me down because you had a crush on me but didn’t know it.” Adrien flopped dramatically onto the couch. “My poor brain can’t handle the confusion.”

“Same. Can you even imagine trying to keep something like that straight?”

“Nope! As crazy and cool as something like that would be, I’m pretty relieved we don’t have to deal with that kind of mess in our love lives.”

“Yes! Agreed!” But you’re right. I do think that the four of us would have a lot of fun together! I’ll ask him about a possible group hang-out session. I’m sure he’d be down for something like that.” Marinette straightened her purse strap, bent down, and pecked Adrien on the lips. “I’ll talk to you later. Love you!”

As she walked towards the door and out of his room, she heard Adrien call out behind her. “I love you, too!”

Carrying his words with her, Marinette bounced with each step she took. She skipped down the steps of the mansion and basked in the warmth of the summer sun.

How could she have been so silly to think that Adrien loved her less than he did? Of course, he loved her! She could see it in his eyes every time they were together. She could hear it in the way he spoke to her. She could feel it in each kiss.

Adrien Agreste loves her just as much as she loves him, and there was nothing that could ruin the high that came with this knowledge.

Nope. Not a single thing could ruin her day.

She was in love.

Someone loved her back.

And she was about to reveal her identity to Chat Noir.

Marinette froze.

She was about to reveal her identity to Chat Noir.

What was she thinking?

She couldn’t do something like this. She and Chat were fine the way they were. Right?

Opening the clasp to her purse, she ducked into an alleyway and did her best to not hyperventilate. “Tikki!”

Her Kwami zipped into view. “What’s wrong? Is there an Akuma?”

“No...it’s just…”

“Yes?”

“Just…”

“Marinette, what is it?”

She clenched and unclenched her fists several times before finding the words to say. “I can’t do this. No, I shouldn’t do this. How could I have possibly thought that this was a good idea?”

“What?” Tikki squinted. “Are you talking about meeting Chat?”

“Yes! Didn’t you always say that we had our secret identities for a reason?”

“Yes, but that was before. You’re the Guardian now, and you’re supposed to know where every single Miraculous from the Miracle Box is at all times.”

“But what if-”

Tikki cut her off. “No what if’s! This is the right thing to do, and you know it!”

Is it? Worry still clouded her mind. Am I going to regret this?

“I don’t know.” Marinette fiddled with the strap on her purse, fighting the urge to turn around and run home. “What if everything goes wrong?”

“It won’t!” Tikki nuzzled Marinette’s cheek. “Also, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Don’t forget...I already know who Chat Noir is.”

“That’s right! You do!” She cupped her Kwami in her hands. “Will you tell me a little bit about him? It’ll make me feel better about all of this. Please?” Tikki shook her head. “Marinette, you already know everything you need to know about him.”

“I do? But I thought the Miraculous magic was supposed to make that impossible.”

“The suit masks your features, not your heart, and trust me, you know Chat Noir’s heart inside and out. He’s never tried to hide who he was from you.”

“I guess you’re right.” She fixed her eyes on the pavement below. “But I’m still nervous.”

“And you think he’s not? He’s most likely freaking out as we speak, and it would probably make him feel a lot better if you actually showed up.” And once again, Marinette knew Tikki was right.

She had to do this.

If not for herself, for Chat. Her partner deserved the support that came with knowing her identity. She never wanted him to find himself in a position where he needed help from the Guardian and didn’t know where to find it. Chat needed her just as much as she needed him.

And now it was time to meet him.

Doing her best to shake off the sinking pit in her gut, Marinette smoothed out her skirt and straightened her back. “I can do this.”

“Yes, you can!” Tikki threw her tiny paws into the air. “This is so exciting!”

“Sure, if by exciting you mean that nauseous feeling in your stomach, but I can do this. I’m Ladybug.”

“And more importantly, you’re Marinette Dupain-Cheng. You’re the girl who’s an amazing designer, class president, and friend. You are kind, and you always stand up for what’s right.”

Marinette could feel her confidence grow. “That’s right...I am! I’m great in and out of the mask. Just like Chat is.”

“Just like Chat is.” Tikki smiled. “And I’m sure he would love to know your name.”

“And I would love to know his.”

“And all you need to do is walk into that cafe.”

“And find the boy wearing the black hoodie and the silver ring.” Marinette held up her purse for her Kwami. “C’mon, Tikki. Let’s go have dinner with the boys!”

“Boys?” Tikki cocked her head to the side. “As in more than one?”

“Are you telling me that you’re not excited to see Plagg without having to sneak around?” Marinette couldn’t hold back her laughter when she saw Tikki’s face light up before she enthusiastically dove into the bag.

With a renewed spring in her step, Marinette made her way to the cafe. Within minutes, she found herself standing outside the glass door, gripping the metal door handle. She took a deep breath, opened the door, and crossed the threshold.

A blast of warmth hit her face as she walked into the intimate dining space. She scanned the room and felt a rush when her eyes landed on a hunched figure clad in black.

Chat.

If it was indeed her partner, he was sitting at the far end of the cafe, facing the wall and scrolling through his phone. He had a hood pulled over his head, so she couldn’t see the color of the person’s hair. During their last patrol, Chat had divulged that his hair was actually blond so she would recognize him when she saw him. While this stranger wasn’t making it easy, there was almost no one else it could be.

And there was only one way to find out.

It’s now or never, Marinette. She psyched herself up as she walked over to the hooded stranger. Just walk up and ask…

“HEYISTHISSEATTAKEN?” Marinette slapped her hands over her mouth when she realized how loudly the garbled strand of words had come out. “I mean…”

The cafe had gone quiet, and she could feel all eyes on her.

This is a disaster. What am I doing? If this is Chat, he’s going to think I’m such a weird-

“Marinette?” A hand wrapped around hers, bringing her catastrophizing to an end.

Wait.

The hand was warm and familiar. “My sweet, beautiful Marinette. Come here.”

I know that voice.

The hand tugged her closer. “Come here, my love.”

Adrien.

A pair of green eyes filled with love and surprise locked with hers. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Her brain continued to short-circuit. “What are you doing here? And why are you hiding under that hoodie?”

“Ahhh, yes.” Using his free hand, he scratched the back of his head. “I’m meeting my friend here, and I really didn’t want anyone taking pictures of me meeting with a girl who wasn’t you and getting the wrong idea. Having another media presence conversation with my father is the last thing I need.”

“I totally get that. I remember you telling me about the last time your dad sat you down for one of those talks.” She smiled, but confusion continued to swirl around her mind.

She could have sworn it was Chat; however, she couldn’t have asked for a better outcome to her mistake.

“I know it hasn’t even been an hour, but I’m happy to see you.” A gentle kiss pressed against her knuckles. “So, what are you doing here? You’re not following me, are you?”

Marinette rolled her eyes and took a seat across from him. “No, my days of following you are far behind me, thank you very much, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t remind me of all my embarrassing pre-dating decisions.”

“They’re so cute though!” He rested his head in his hands. “I’ve never had someone care about me as much as you do before.”

“Adrien, stop!” Her cheeks started to burn. “My friend is going to be here any second, and I can’t look like a tomato when he shows up!”

“Ohhhh, so that’s what you’re doing here! Wow...what a crazy coincidence!”

“You want to know an even bigger coincidence? My friend said that he was going to be wearing a black hoodie when I met up with him. I thought he was you.”

Adrien leaned back in his chair. “Wait...really?”

“Yeah.” Marinette nodded her head. “He said that he would be wearing a black hoodie with a silver ring. He wanted me to be able to recognize him.”

“Hold on.” He opened and closed his mouth several times before continuing. “Have you never met your friend in person before?”

“Uhhh.” Panic started to settle in her gut, but luckily she knew how to keep a straight face. “Well, it’s complicated.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, we've met in person, but our outfits were kind of weird.”

“Uh-huh, and what’s your friend’s name again? I don’t think you ever mentioned it.”

“Umm...you see, we’ve only been using nicknames, so I’m not totally sure.”

He held up a hand. “So let me get this straight. You two don’t know each other’s names, and there was a chance that you wouldn’t recognize him because you were dressed weird every time you saw each other before today.”

“Yes.” Marinette looked away. “That’s right.”

“And I’m guessing that means that you gave him something to look for to help him know that it’s you?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

She swallowed, sincerely hoping that she wasn’t giving too much away. “My black earrings.”

His eyes immediately locked on her ears, sending him into a near trance-like state. Several emotions passed over his features before his eyes grew wide.

“Oh my God.” His voice was barely a whisper. “Oh my God.”

Her cheeks grew hotter as his unrelenting stare continued. “I-is there something on my face?”

“It all makes sense now.”

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

He grabbed her hands from across the table. “I was close a few times but you always shook me off your scent. You’re so clever, but I guess you already knew that.”

“What are you talking about?” She pulled her hands away. “Adrien, I don’t understand.”

“You’re joking, right?” Without breaking his stare, he leaned in and curled his mouth into a smirk. “Oh wow, you’re not.”

The panic and confusion that clouded her thoughts began to melt away as her annoyance grew.

Why would Adrien freak her out like that and then...laugh?

He was laughing.

Why was he laughing?

“Would you care to share what’s so funny?” she asked with a huff.

He wiped a tear away from his eye as he attempted to compose himself with several deep breaths. “I just can’t believe it!”

“Can’t believe what?”

“Marinette.” He got up, walked around the table, and knelt in front of her. “Don’t you think it’s interesting that you’re waiting in this cafe for a boy in a black hoodie and you ran into me?”

“Yeah, it’s a funny coincidence. Great minds think alike, right? Wait...speaking of friends.” Her eyes scanned the cafe. “My friend still isn’t here.”

“I guess we’ll have to do this a different way then.” Adrien stood up and grabbed his phone off of the table. “Can you do me a favor?”

“If I do, will you finally tell me what’s going on?”

“Yes, but I think you’re going to figure it out soon enough.”

“Fine. What do you want me to do?”

He pulled her onto her feet. “I’m going to go call my friend because she’s not here yet either. While I’m gone, could you call your friend, as well?”

“What, no!” Marinette did another scan of the cafe before turning back to Adrien. “I have to stay here in case he shows up. If he gets here and I’m not here, he’ll think I stood him up.”

“He won’t. And don’t you want to see if he’s okay?”

She bit her lip and watched as a pair of giggling girls walked through the door. “Yeah, I do.”

Relief washed over his face. “Thank you! And then when our friends get here, maybe we could all eat together?”

“And you’ll tell me what’s going on?”

“Yes, I promise that if you haven’t figured it out by the time we both return, I will tell you everything, but you’re going to facepalm when I do.”

His sincerity calmed her agitation. “We’ll see about that!”

Adrien laughed again and disappeared into the men’s room. Following suit, Marinette pushed open the door to the ladies’ room, checked that she was alone, and transformed.

Before she had the chance to pull out her yo-yo and make the call, it started to ring.

She grabbed the device and held it up to her face. “Chat, where are you? Are you okay?”

“Can you meet me on the roof?” She could hear a hint of mischief in his voice.

"Right now?"

"Yes."

“Why?”

“Purr-lease, my lady? Do it for me?”

"Is this something I'm going to regret?"

"Nope! I purr-omise. Cat's honor!"

She rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

“Awesome! See you there!” Before she could respond, the line went dead.

Great.

Now she had two boys who were acting weird.

After finding a window that was big enough for her to squeeze through, she leaped through the opening and hooked her yo-yo around a chimney. With a tug of the wire, she flew into the air and landed on the edge of the roof.

“Hey, Ladybug!” She whipped around and was met face to face with the most excited-looking Chat she’d ever seen. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“You asked me to come up here, you silly cat!” She sheathed her yo-yo and rested her hands on her hips. “What are you up to?”

“Even after saying the same opening line? Really? Nothing?”

“Chat, what are you talking about? I swear, between you and my boyfriend…”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Oh, right.” She pressed her pointer fingers together. “So, my boyfriend is here, and he’s also waiting to meet with a friend, but he’s acting all weird right now...just like you are. But anyway, I know that today is a big deal for us and we have a lot to talk about, but since he’s already here and I don’t want to make it any weirder than it already is, do you think it would be okay if we ate dinner with my boyfriend and his friend?”

He took a step closer. “That sounds like a lot of fun. I would love to.”

“That’s a relief! I was worried you’d get mad and say no.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “But we may have to get our stories straight before we go back in there. I kind of told him that we only knew each other by nicknames until now, so unless we want to tell him that we’re the heroes of Paris, we should do the reveal here.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“Oh, and one more thing. My boyfriend is kind of famous? He’s Adrien Agreste.”

“The model whose face is plastered all over the city?” Chat’s expression was unreadable. “Does that mean you’re the girl from all his Instagram posts?”

Marinette hoped it wouldn’t be a problem. “Yeah, that’s me. He’s wearing a hoodie so no one recognizes him, so I hope that’s okay.”

“That's fine with me.” He took another step closer. “So, would you like to do it on the count of three?”

“Do what?” They were so close.

“Drop our transformations.”

“Right! We should do that!”

He was now inches away from her. “On the count of three?”

“Sounds good to me.” Her heart hammered against her chest.

This was it.

It was now or never.

She took a deep breath and counted with him.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

They spoke their detransformations at the same time, and Marinette’s brain ceased to work as the magical green light left her boyfriend in Chat’s place. Taking a step back, her foot slipped off the ledge, and everything went in slow motion as Adrien yelled, grabbed her hand, yanked her back onto the roof, and fell with her into a heap of tangled limbs.

Without letting go, Adrien sat up and pulled her into his lap. “Are you okay? Please tell me you’re alright!”

Still stunned speechless, all she could do was nod.

“See? I told you I’d always be there to catch you when you fall.” He gave her a once over before wrapping his arms around her and holding her against his chest. “Sorry, I thought it was a good idea. I should have moved us to the middle of the roof.”

Her brain began to sputter back to life.

Adrien was holding her.

And Adrien was Chat Noir.

Which meant Chat was holding her.

Which meant…

“I’m in love with Chat Noir.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

“Yes, you are.” He rested his mouth against the crown of her head. “And I fell in love with the same girl twice. Best. Plot twist. Ever.”

Marinette thought back to earlier that day, a time that now felt like a thousand years ago. “How did we not see this?”

“I don’t know, but now it all makes sense why you never agreed to go to the movies with me as Chat Noir. We were too busy living in our own movie.”

“We have so much to talk about.”

He held her even tighter. “Yes, we do, but we have a whole lifetime to talk. Let’s just enjoy dinner tonight.”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” She let all of her muscles relax and allowed herself to melt into his embrace. “I’m surprised you’re not freaking out right now.”

“Oh, trust me, I am, but I’m just going to focus on how amazing it is that my girlfriend and my lady are the same person and worry about the rest later. How are you holding up?”

“I’m still processing, but there’s a good chance that I will freak out and scream into a pillow later.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“What makes you think that you’ll be there to see it?”

“What makes you think that I’m going to leave you alone tonight?”

“And how do you plan on doing that after I go home after our date?”

“I was thinking that purr-haps a certain cat could come and visit you on your balcony? It sounds a lot more interesting than a boring phone call if you ask me.”

Of course, they were the same person.

It all made sense now.

This was Adrien. This was her Chaton. This was her best friend. This was the love of her life. This was her everything.

“Fine.” She pulled away and tapped his nose with her pointer finger. “But the cat has to bring hot chocolate if he wants to stay.”

“Deal!” He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. “And may I just say that I am so excited for our next patrol.”

“Oh, no…”

“I wonder what the pictures on the Ladyblog will look like when Alya captures Ladybug turning into a blushing, stuttering mess after Chat Noir flirts with her!”

“Don’t think that I won’t end you just because you’re cute.”

“Awwwww!” He nuzzled her nose. “We can be cute together!”

“I said it before, and I'll say it again. You’re going to be the death of me, Adrien Agreste.” She buried her face against his hoodie and shivered.

“Nope! Not on my watch.” He got up and lifted her into his arms, prompting her to squeak. “Let’s get you warmed up inside.”

As he called for his transformation, Marinette found herself unable to look away. Here he was, holding her like she was his world, ready to do seemingly anything for her.

How did she get so lucky?

“Alright, hold on.” She braced herself against him as he leaped into the alleyway below.

He set her down on the ground and called off his transformation once again. After telling Plagg to join Tikki in Marinette’s purse, he took her hand and began walking towards the cafe.

Before they reached the door, Marinette stopped in her tracks. “Hey, Adrien?”

“What’s up?” He turned to look at her. “Did you want to go somewhere else to eat?”

She shook her head. “No, that’s not it. I’m just really happy that it’s you.”

“Oh, Marinette.” He pulled her back into his arms and dipped her into a kiss. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but knowing that it’s you is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I thought having me as your girlfriend was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“Life would be boring if that stayed my favorite thing. Besides, if we’re going to be together forever, do you really want to stay just my girlfriend?”

“We’re only sixteen, Adrien.”

“And that means that we have many, many years to experience even more plot twists and greatest moments with each other.”

His declaration warmed her from her head to her toes, but to her surprise, she managed to keep herself composed and stutter-free.

“I guess that means we’re still in this together? Just you and me?” She snaked her arms around his neck.

“Always.” She couldn’t help but smile as he kissed her again.

#miraculous ladybug #my fic #ml fanfiction #plot twist #fluff #tooth rotting fluff #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #they are just so oblivious in this #SO OBLIVIOUS #identity reveal #prompt #clumsy

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queenboudicaa · 3 years ago

Text

From Graham Linehan from The Glinner Update [email protected]

Played The Fool

Sue Donym

Sep 16

I remember my college days studying journalism, which don't seem so long ago, but actually are now, and as a young eighteen year old, a friend gives me something she says explains gender. It is Judith Butler's Gender Trouble. I have heard of this book. People treat it like The Bible. I eagerly open the book and attempt to read it.

I cannot make heads or tails of it. I conclude I simply am not smart enough or well-read enough to understand the religious revelation. I make it to page sixty before giving up, the constant mentions of ‘Althusserian’ and ‘structuralist’ and ‘reifying’ finally defeating me. I don’t feel like any of the book has actually managed to lodge itself in my head.

I give the book back to my friend, and then I pretend to everyone around me that I have read the book. No one figures me out.

When I get older, I realize they all did the same thing.

In my senior year, I win election to student government. I am to represent ‘LGBT’ people. I am proud. I am unaware I am now standing on a cliff, the ground beneath me slowly breaking. I bury my head in the sand as my position becomes increasingly precarious.

I meet with faculty during the first semester. I read through a policy. Suddenly ‘LGBT’ has morphed. It’s ‘LGBTQI+’. I don’t know what the Q and I stand for, let alone that seemingly erroneous plus sign. I am supposed to be the expert, and all these middle-aged people are looking at me to explain the youth speak which is even bedeviling I, the putative youth. I muddle through, using this surprise new acronym, and then I Google it surreptitiously in the meeting. It means ‘Queer’ and ‘Intersex’, and the plus sign appears to be decorative in nature. I wonder what the Q covers that ‘LGBT’ doesn’t, let alone the God-damned plus sign, and I wonder why ‘intersex’ needs to be included at all.

They talk enthusiastically about how everyone has a gender. There are women with penises, men with vaginas. Gender is understood to be how you feel inside. I contort my mind around this way of thinking as best I can. A man is someone who behaves like a man, and a woman is someone who behaves like a woman. That is the working definition you have, even though you paper over it with phrases like ‘identifies as.’

I don’t think about. You can’t. You are told this is how it is, how it has always been, to think otherwise is actually you replicating the kyriarchy, over and over and over again, and you nod and accept it, because you are given this set of facts and told to nod. Pseudoscience justifies it. People talk about ‘brain scans’ and ‘the wrong bodymap’, and ‘indigenous genders’. It’s all conjectural bullshit, but everyone goes along with it.

When I can’t perform the cognitive contortions, I simply don’t acknowledge contradicting evidence. To do so would be to jump off a cliff into an abyss. It is a reflexive thing, unconscious, and its origins lie in the instinct for self-preservation.

Everyone goes along with it. I am a coward, so I accept it and move on. I am twenty two years old, and I don’t know any better, and I want to trust the organizations that say they hold my best interests at heart.

Part of my role on student government was providing student-based pastoral care in my college’s LGBT center. By the time I get there, it’s morphed into the LGBTQI+ Center. I consider myself even-keeled and well-adjusted, perfect to help ‘my people’.

Many of the people that come see me have fairly normal problems. I speak to lecturers about not being homophobic, meet with faculty about LGBTQI issues, and sit through interminably boring student government meetings full of bloviating Young Democrats self-assured about their future self-importance. Increasingly, more people come to speak to me about trans issues. Walking through the center one day, someone assumes I am a ‘pre-hormones trans man’. When I correct them, and say I am a butch lesbian, they suddenly become hostile. I don’t know why, but I feel offended to my very bones about being assumed to be a man.

More and more of my fellow butches suddenly start declaring themselves to ‘truly be men.’ I don’t think about this. You’re not supposed to think about it, or question them, just accept and affirm and acknowledge and adulate their new found authenticity. I get a new package of fliers from an LGBT charity, open them up, and suddenly find that I, simply defined as ‘butch’ (forget the lesbian!) am now supposedly ‘trans’ and under the ‘trans umbrella.’ I call this ridiculous, and loudly.

Someone pulls me aside to ask why I’m being so transphobic.

I meet with a charity group. They have this young woman on staff who declares herself ‘non-binary’ and uses ‘they/them’ pronouns. She does not strike me as gay, and her entire purview of ‘LGBT’ seems to forget the first three letters. She assumes that I am a trans man. When I tell her I am a lesbian, she asks ‘are you sure? Maybe you’ll change your mind’. She then starts talking to me about her boyfriend.

I wonder why this straight girl with dyed hair is telling me what to do on gay issues. What gives her the right?

At the end of the meeting, someone I know from the charity group tells me that ‘Aiden’ is upset I forgot her pronouns. I hadn’t realized. I tell him that this dyed hair fag hag told me I’ll change my mind about being a lesbian. He says that doesn’t excuse messing up Aiden’s pronouns.

The next time I meet Aiden, she keeps calling me ‘he’. She gets upset when I get angry with her.

My student body president sends me a please explain email the next day about upsetting Aiden.

One day in the center, in walks a man in a dress. That’s what I thought in my unfiltered thoughts, before the cognitive dissonance kicks in. But the Aiden experience has taught me a lesson to not speak up. The man uses ~the magical pronouns~, ‘she/her’ and this means he is a woman. He dresses like a prostitute downtown and declares he’s a lesbian.

He says he is a trans woman. But Chloe is different from all the trans women I had met before. They would call themselves ‘gay men gone too far’, tell you hilarious stories, wingman for me at the bar, argue about ‘when Madonna went bad’, arguments that turned into handbag duels at dawn. Many of them were older, and many of them had stories about surviving in a homophobic world, surviving AIDS, dangerous johns, and the joy they felt now, that gay rights had gone somewhere. This man was very different to them.

My hair stands up on the back of my neck every time I deal with ‘Chloe’. It requires conscious effort to make sure I don’t mess up his pronouns, because my brain says that’s ‘a fucking man’, but my cognitive dissonance around the situation and my sense of self-preservation knows that if I don’t call this man a woman I will be in for it. I have seen the results - ‘Chloe’, all six feet of ‘Chloe’, screaming at a fellow trans woman, Clara, half his size, for saying ‘you’re a man honey’. Chloe himself came to me demanding I ban her from the space. I refused.

Clara stops coming into the center. I ask her why, and she says ‘those flipping transvestites, they’re not us.’ Clara never comes back to the center.

None of this thinking about Chloe’s pronouns is conscious. I feel guilty every time my thoughts use the ‘wrong pronouns’. My head is tied up in knots - not something freshman me would have considered, turning up to the center with the goal of getting laid, now trying to smile and put up with this man.

He makes every conversation in there uncomfortable. We relax when he is gone and only homosexuals are in the room.

Suddenly, my straight friends start asking if I’d ‘sleep with a trans woman’. I try laughing this off. One friend gets very insistent, and when I tell him that I wouldn’t consider someone with a dick, he starts wondering if my preferences are ‘rooted in bigotry’. I ask him if he’d sleep with a trans woman. He tells me that no, he’d prefer a woman who can have his children.

I smile and nod, and when the conversation ends, walk out of the room as fast as I can.

Chloe tells us at length about their sexual proclivities. Bondage and leather and ‘being a dom’. Chloe tells us about his lack of luck on lesbian dating apps. I keep to myself that I had ended up setting a height filter to filter out ‘the trannies.’ Nor do I tell him that me and a group of women had made fun of men like him on lesbian dating apps, swapping screenshots and Silence Of The Lambs jokes.

Soon there are more Chloes and fewer women. They all start talking about radical communism, about ‘sex work is work’, ‘cultural appropriation’, and about ‘TERFs’ and how hideous they are. One of them expounds to me at length why I shouldn’t read any feminist works from the seventies, because they hated trans women, and I wouldn’t want to hate trans women, wouldn’t I?

They all behave the same way. I keep getting reports about the Chloes harassing people in the center, particularly young lesbian women. Then there is an influx of ‘Aidens’, straight women declaring themselves to really be gay men. One of them tells me I am ‘appropriating the culture of trans men.’

One day I am in the center, and I look out the glass window of my office. There are a dozen people sitting in the common room of the center, talking animatedly. I realize none of them are lesbian or gay in the actual sense of the word. I feel uncomfortable, but I cannot articulate why I feel such discomfort.

One of the Chloes knocks on my door. This one wears a pink tube top and a pencil skirt. I am strongly reminded of Buffalo Bill. He asks me out for coffee. I decline. He asks why, as I am single. I say that I am busy that day. He tries asking for another day. I say I am playing club football that day. He keeps trying to cajole me. Eventually I dispense with the politeness and tell him I am not interested in him. He shouts at me that I am transphobic and leaves.

A few hours later, my phone blows up. His friends are calling me transphobic for not being interested in him. It’s just one date, they say. One little coffee. You might like it. You don’t know. Your last girlfriend dressed the same. You need to unlearn your genital preferences.

I think to myself my last girlfriend was a foot shorter and had a vagina, but I don’t say anything. I ignore the messages. He is allowed boundaries. I am not.

I am sitting in a class. It’s on sexual histories, a class I took to broaden my horizons from my journalism degree. I try not to think of the student loan I’ll be incurring from taking it.

Strangely enough, it is perhaps the first blow to the self-imposed contortions of my thoughts. The professor starts his lecture by pronouncing that sexual orientation is, in fact, a social construct. He explains that the word ‘homosexuality’ did not exist until the 19th century, and thus, homosexuals are a creation of repressive Victorian sexuality. I find this theory strange. I had grown up in the ‘born this way’ era, to be sure, but my homosexuality seemed biological, instinctual, basal to my very way of being. A powerful attraction to women came to me as naturally as breathing, or seeing, or farting inappropriately on the second date. Yet here was this man telling me, that in fact, my perceptions were merely constructs based on my surroundings.

It seemed strange to me. Someone from the class, notorious for asking questions, puts his hands up and asks about the Romans - you see, he is a student of the classics, and he remarks that the Romans knew of homosexuals. The professor gravely informs in that in fact the Romans were aware of a ‘behavior’, and that as ‘homosexual’ as a word did not exist at the time, there were no homosexuals. Only behaviors, that we codify and understand on a cultural basis.

This made less sense to me than before. It made even less sense to me when someone else asks about trans people. The professor remarks that ‘trans people have always existed’.

Yet homosexuals were invented by the first sexologists, rather than through self-definition? We had to have heterosexuals invent us, as other, first?

I am sitting with some gay friends, and one of them complains about the focus on trans issues when we still don’t have same-sex marriage federally yet. We talk about our disappearing spaces, and I voice that sometimes I am the only lesbian out of thirty people sitting in the LGBTQI+ student center (it had been renamed). I think of it in terms of getting laid - because suddenly all the ‘lesbians’ in the center had penises. It happened so quickly that it was easy to notice. I went to a lesbian group, and it was a sausage fest I made up an excuse to leave. The Chloes moved in, and the lesbians instantly left. I feel constantly uncomfortable, watched, stared at, envied. The Chloes all talk about their genitalia and violent pornography at length, in public, and it makes me feel gross and dirty, and I start to dislike most of them.

I post on my Tinder that I’m not into penis. I log in the next day to find out my account has been banned. Tinder never gives me a straight answer as to why I was banned.

I finish out my term on student government. I don’t run again. I’m a senior. I finish my degree and hurry off to the real world. One of the Chloes takes my place as ‘LGBTQI+ students representative’.

It is the one who tried getting me to go out on a date with him. He makes me feel uncomfortable throughout the whole handover.

I am upset, because he will destroy everything I worked for.

I go to the gay bar with some friends. But when we go, we feel like the only homosexuals in the whole god-damn bar. It’s full of people with dyed hair. A man in a dress tries grinding on me, and when I turn around and tell him no, he calls me ‘transphobic towards trans femmes’. When I declare I am a butch lesbian, people ask if I am a ‘TERF’. I don’t know what a ‘TERF’ is, other than ‘terfs’ are bad. I have been told terfs are bad, so it has to be true right? I don’t want to be a bad person.

I try going to other gay events, and suddenly I am outnumbered. Me, a few older lesbians, and some gay men huddle in a corner of spaces we once proudly called our own, as the Chloes and the Aidens declare it their own - and even worse, that they are just the same as us. It is unnerving, and they no longer feel like safe spaces for me. Gradually, we all stop going. There were no more gay people in the gay space.

I have a lesbian friend. She tells me excitedly about a first date. She meets them in a quirky coffee shop. It is a trans woman twice her size. When she tells the trans woman that she’s not interested, they lose it at her in the coffee shop, calling her a transphobic bigot and screaming and shouting and threatening to hit her.

She tells me, because she knows I don’t tell people things. But she cannot say anything in public. She’ll be transphobic. So she keeps it to herself, and this man gets to continue preying on women who think they’re safe, catfishing, coercing and abusing them.

To say otherwise gets you labelled a terf. And terfs are bad. Why are terfs bad? Don’t ask. Just accept that terfs are bad. Terfs hurt trans women, and you wouldn’t want to do that, would you?

Eventually, my friend hears of her date doing it to someone else. She writes a call out post, saying that you shouldn’t hide important facts about yourself on dating sites. She gets called a terf for saying that ‘lesbians don’t have dicks’, and being verbally abused in public was the rational response of an oppressed person to oppression. It’s a scarlet letter, and she is branded with it. I am a coward and I do not speak up in public. I hate myself. I am thinking of my personal prospects, and not my friend, and not my people. Because if I speak up, I can kiss the career I dream about goodbye. I fear that scarlet letter being branded on my forehead.

I tell my friend in private that I support her. But I daren’t say that in public.

I daren’t ask questions.

One day, I am aimlessly browsing the internet at work. I have written enough copy to cover my ass for the next few weeks. I wait until my boss leaves for the afternoon, and wait out the rest of the day mindlessly scrolling. I see a post in an LGBTQI+ students group on Facebook I’ve forgotten to leave. It’s a troll post, which is apparently ‘terf rhetoric’. The link is still there, and the comments are blowing up, united in performative outrage.

I click the link . I find myself laughing at the description of ‘men in dresses’. To these ‘terfs’, a man has a penis, and a woman has a vagina. Anyone saying otherwise is a damned fool. It seems such an easy way to think about it. I mean, what is a woman, anyway? It doesn’t seem evil, wicked or bad. It seems… sensible.

Finding out more about this new way of thinking becomes addicting. I keep my scrolling through it on my phone. I have always had a fondness for reading people being harshly critical about anything, and now I have an endless source of it, articulating things I knew instinctually but could never find the words to verbalize, could never find the courage to verbalize. I wonder if I am being radicalized - images of ISIS radicalizing fighters over the internet run through my head. But everything seems to make so much sense. I am no longer contorting my thoughts around the desires of others, but thinking freely, observationally, openly, fearlessly.

It felt like my mind had freed itself from chains, chains placed upon it all those years ago, when that naïve eighteen year old who wanted to get laid tried reading Gender Trouble.

The gunk on my mind slowly unclogged. My way of thinking suddenly changed. I was no longer denying what my eyes saw in front of me. No, now I saw things as they were. There was no more contorting my way of thought. For the first time in a long time, I felt clear-headed.

One of the links I clicked in my flurry was a link to Dr. Ray Blanchard’s paper on ‘autogynephilia’. I read it, and finally, I had an explanation. Homosexual transsexuals. And ‘autogynephiles.’ The two types of his famous and controversial typology.

‘Autogynephiles’ - men who had a sexual fetish for ‘being a woman’, a fetish for an alter-ego female self, a fetish for our bodies, our minds, our souls, our experiences. All reduced to jerk-off fodder for some blockhead man.

It explained why they were so desperate for lesbians to date them. They needed us for validating their sexual fetish. Our lives and experiences, our spaces, our dating apps, our culture, our media, our websites, every breath we took, as far as they were concerned, needed to be focused on validating them. Because otherwise, the fantasy was ruined! This straight man would not be able to jerk off over ‘being a lesbian!’. We were not people, we were non-player-characters in their video game. Actresses in pornography, extras in a film where they were the protagonist, and we were off script. We weren’t fully-formed people, with our own desires, we were things, objects, film props.

The entire gay movement, from the lesbians to the gays, to the homosexual transsexuals, reduced to nothing props in some straight man’s sexual fantasy. That’s all we were to them, ultimately.

And I was expected to go along with it?! We were all expected to go along with it?

Not only that, I had gone along with it. I had advocated for this.

What had I done?

Every moment you come close, every moment you start thinking something isn’t right, you start feeling a little foolish.

Of course this is fine. Everyone is telling me so. The media, the public, the people around you. No one voices concerns. When you have them, you don’t say anything, because no one else is, and because you are a coward.

You feel a little foolish because this is foolish. Saying some women have penises is foolish. You know it is foolish, from the minute that idiot phrase leaves your mouth, to the minute it dances across your tongue, to the minute your nerves send the signal to your larynx to make the required movements to produce the very sounds. But, you think, you are no fool.

You are no fool, you think, when someone says ‘biological women have XY chromosomes’, or that it’s okay for a man on the college track team to identify as a woman and take a place on the woman’s track team. You know that’s not right. But everyone else is going along with it, and you are no fool, and you shouldn’t feel foolish, because everyone says this is the right thing to do, the right side of history, doing right by an oppressed minority, so you go along with it.

You are frightened of realizing you are a fool. So too, is everyone around you. No one likes being played the fool, no one likes realizing they were sold a pack of lives as a naïve eighteen year old looking for other gay people. And no one plays you for a fool. And thus the dance continues, everyone one too frightened to admit that, perhaps, we are all fools, believing in something physically impossible, no different to the bible-banging megachurch attendee, with our owns chants, our own magic words, ritual knowledge, and ability to be born again. We are smart. We liberal. We are on the right side of history. We couldn’t be believing in something that isn’t scientifically backed. We’re smarter than that. We’re not fools.

And when it finally gets too much, and you drift over to the cliff’s edge, the cliff that you can see the bottom of, the cliff you know you can’t come back from, you pull away. Because to go over it would to be to admit that you’ve been played the fool. No one likes that feeling, the shame, the embarrassment, the horror, the fear. What lies over that cliff is exile, a scarlet letter, fear and hatred and nasty women who just want trans women dead.

What lies beyond that cliff is a realization that you have been used. You have been used by something greater than yourself, to push medication on children. You have been used by straight men to participate in their sexual fetish without your consent. Your entire community, rendered a jerk-off prop for some straight man over night, and you were told that objecting was ‘transphobic’. You have been used to spread homophobia beyond your comprehension, to take part in the destruction of your own community, and you were told this was right and good.

To realize this, to acknowledge it, to move on and try and forge something better, that takes true strength of character. To realize this, to deny it, and obfuscate what you are doing, that I can understand. I too, was once a coward. I too, did not want to believe what my eyes told me was sitting in front of me. That cliff is scary, and to jump off it seemingly lies nothing but social death.

But eventually something pushes you over, without your consent. You realize you have been played the fool, because finally, something so gratuitous occurs that you must. Even the greatest cowards will eventually be blown off the cliff. The music will stop, and the dance will end, and you will finally feel the shame, the embarrassment, the horror, the fear, the guilt.

Because no one likes being played for a fool.

Perhaps, then, it is best to get this over and done with now, while you still have dignity to defend.

Some details have been changed to protect the identities of those concerned.

#radical feminism #radical feminists #transwomen #transwomens bodies look awfully similar to mens bodies #radfem #radfem community #graham glinner #butch #lesbian #lgbt #lgb

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shitpostingfromthebarricade · 3 years ago

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@themandilorian tagged me to answer fic questions! Thank youuuuuuuuuu, I love doing these. <3

how many works do you have on AO3?

Christ, 84 plus the Witcher crackfic I wrote under my incredibly subtle pseud.

what’s your total AO3 word count?

388,267, though I have a fic that'll probably be hitting 70k before it's all said and done that'll be going up ... before November? So 450k soon.

how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Uh, depends how you count fandoms. Realistically, just one (Les Mis), but according to the fandoms view I also technically write for Untitled Goose Game and 19th Century CE France RPF. And Witcher.

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The View From Here (aka the balcony fic)

Define "Dating" (my second to oldest published fic ft Enjolras trying to take Grantaire out on dates and Grantaire in severe denial)

Early Mornings, Late Nights (the one where Grantaire wakes up early and Enjolras stays up late)

By the Glory of the Sun (amnesia AU ft horny Grantaire)

Rainy Days (kidfic ft calls from the principal and no kid)

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I dooooooooo. <3 I spend so much time creating these fics and inventing details and backstories that never make it to the light of day, so I love having an excuse to talk more about the story and process. Also, I just love hearing from y'all? Of course I'll respond???

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Ah, hm, several of those, angst was my specialty for a long while. It still sometimes is, but it was, too. Maybe The Lies We Tell Ourselves in the Dark? Prague is just sad the whole way through, same with Enjolras's Prayer and The Tempest. His Love Letter also starts more innocuous and gets sadder.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not including most responses to Empereur's Mercy (<3), not really?

I do know that one fic wasn't particularly well-received, but that's because it was a fic I wrote directly in response to someone being an asshole in a friend's comments and didn't include the context for privacy reasons. The fic was a very pointed response with lots of quotes from the other person, but without having seen the original conversation it can be easily interpretted as a general criticism, so I see why people weren't thrilled.

do you write smut? if so what kind?

Not really. There has been one glaring exception (What Greater Thing is There?), and another will be up soon-ish, but any smut I ever publish with either be exclusively to advance the plot or as pure crack.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

If you count those apps that were hosting peoples' fics without permission, yes, but otherwise no. I've been very lucky in that way.

have you ever had a fic translated?

HeavenlyGift translated Define "Dating" into Russian!!!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

It's not published yet, but thecandlesticksfromlesmis and I are about to hit three years (17 Sep, I think?) co-writing the fic that inspired All That's Left of Us!

what’s your all time favorite ship?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... I dunno. I'm not sure. Valjean & Cosette (ampersand is platonic)? Courfius? Whatever those two funky lesbians in Sailor Moon have going on? Anne and Gilbert? Fantine and A Fucking Break?

what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I recently decided that I'm going to revisit my Giant Fic and make an effort to finish it even though my HCs don't align anymore!! Otherwise, I have a ton of ideas and kinda WiPs that could be finished but probably won't be simply by merit of there being so many. The one that comes to mind as being one that my HCs grew beyond before I could do more than outline it is the bodyswap fic with Combeferre and Grantaire that would have needed to be written from 3 PoVs and would have come out to probably ... 40k? A lot of effort for something I only ever had about 16k worth of interest in.

what are your writing strengths?

I think banter, pacing, and (when I choose to) worldbuilding.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Anything involving physical affection. @thepiecesofcait is always the first to point out the absolute hoops I don't even realize I put myself through to avoid writing physical contact. I've been trying to expand my horizons, but also consider: I could not.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

INCREDIBLY contextual. I think if it's the PoV character, you write what they understand: if they do understand the language, write it in the language of the rest of the fic. If they don't, don't put words that they can't understand, just say "[person] says wome words in a language [PoVC] doesn't understand." If the other person is throwing in slang or swearing or something alongside the common language, it makes sense to put it in the other language verbatim, but that's mostly because it's one of those things where even if the PoV character can't understand the exact word, they can probably figure out the meaning with context clues.

Also, of course, a good pun may require language swapping. Gotta have it.

If you do feel compelled to keep it in the original language, though, I would say to figure out linked footnotes so the reader can see the meaning immediately if it's important enough to include. This often breaks up the flow of the story/conversation, though, so use it wisely.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Definitely Les Mis, although 7yo Shitposting loved daydreaming about a slumber party with all of the Disney princesses talking about palace life and their husbands and such. (I still have not seen Wreck It Ralph 2, but the trailer fulfilled every single childhood dream of mine.)

what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This is like asking my to choose a favorite child??????

I'm still extremely proud of en l'Année 2014, but as I started listing the other fics that still spark joy for me, it's occurring to me that my favorite fics are ones where I got to explore new character dynamics and relationships eg Courfius, Fantine & Marguerite, Valjean & Cosette, Ep & Gav, Javert's backstory in the Web Series AU, etc.

Tagging @starkey, @serinesaccade, @thelibrarina, @annabrolena, @lesbianjolllly, and anyone else who wants to do this!

#tag game #personal #writing #this was really really fun and I am so happy I got to do it #even if I did it instead of getting ready for work WHOOPS

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 3 years ago

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Seeking Advice, Support, Validation

TW: sexual assault, mentions of non-consensual sex and the word associated with it, detailed description of trauma event, mentions of death and dying, ptsd symptoms mention

Hi. I’ve sent an ask in before, and you were so kind and validating then, so I thought I’d post again.

It’s September, now. In a few days the one year anniversary of being gang raped will be here and I am not doing well. I keep having really intense flashbacks and dissociation. I space out while working, driving, interacting with others. I have extra appointments set up with my therapist and she’s assured me she’s on standby should I need her. I have trouble leaving my house. My hyper vigilance is on high alert and I know it’s gonna take time and I know it’s going to take work and I know my avoidance is not making it better.

I’d like to go into detail about the experience in this next space, so tw again…

I had met a guy on a dating app and we talked for almost two months before agreeing to meet. He seemed normal, kind, we had similar world views and interests. I was going on a short trip close to his location and offered a neutral public space to meet. He agreed and we had a good time. It was during the second wave of Covid closures and since we couldn’t eat at a restaurant I offered my hotel suite which had a kitchenette and table. While we were deciding on what to eat we ran into a friend of his and his girlfriend who I immediately got along well with and invited them all up to my room. We ate and played video games. The girlfriend had to go into work and the friend left. The guy asked if it would be ok to make out and I agreed. What I didn’t realize was that as he was leaving the friend turned the security lock outwards so that my door wouldn’t fully close and he could get back in. He returned and together they raped me. While this was absolutely awful and traumatic it was made worse by the knowledge that the friend had contacted several other men who then proceeded to enter my hotel room rape me and leave (some even returning later) over a period of about 8 hours. None of them used a condom and several finished inside me. I was hit, choked and bound several times. No one used lube. Almost everyone was masked due to Covid or at least I assume it was due to Covid but it also served as a deterrent to identifying anyone. I checked out of the hotel. Bought plan b and tried to gather myself on my own, convinced no one would believe me. When I had therapy the next day my therapist was keyed into my discomfort and eventually I told her. My therapist then took me to my ObGyn to make sure I got treated properly. Though I was pretty badly beaten up I still refused to report. My therapist was kind and understanding but I felt bad for dragging her into such a mess. Almost a month later I developed a fever of 106 and couldn’t move. I initially assumed Covid and went to the er. As it turns out I had pelvic inflammatory disease resulting from chlamydia, a uti that had spread to my kidneys and an ectopic pregnancy in which the embryo had formed over the opening of my cervix. I didn’t report while in the hospital because the er doctor was a man who told me I needed to “choose my sexual partners more wisely” and “that guys don’t like girls who sleep around”After minor surgery and three days in the hospital as well as several medications I was referred to another ObGyn who agreed with me or rather supported my decision not to report. I healed up and tried to go back to normal. I couldn’t. My PTSD returned or maybe it was altogether new, with a vengeance. Night terrors, flashbacks, panic attacks, sex repulsion, hyper vigilance, depression, anxiety, the works. I’m scared of every man I even see because I can’t be sure they weren’t there. But I can’t talk about it. Talking about it means I have to admit it happened and it’s not only so shame inducing but I feel absolutely stupid for any choices I made that led to it in the first place. End of graphic description of trauma… safe to read on with original tw in place

AND now my grandfather is in the hospital with an infection in his heart. He is old and was previously doing chemotherapy and his body is just not able to fight it. The doctors have given him days at most.

So my problem is, it seems really selfish and wrong of me to dwell on my trauma when he is going to die. Like at least I am alive and in decent health right? My family is relying on me to take some responsibility for some things while my father is by his dads bedside. And my parents take care of my moms mom so I have picked up any slack there too. I have always been a person who busies themself through grief. But coupled with my spaceiness and dissociation I’m letting them all down. I forgot to give my grandmother one of her medications. I left the dog door open overnight. I didn’t clean up after my grandmothers dinner properly and the dogs got into the trash. I know it seems like little things but I feel like a failure of a human. My family doesn’t know what happened last year. I don’t think they’d take it well and they were never really supportive in the past, claiming my trauma made them uncomfortable and I should reserve it for my therapist. And anyway it seems almost wrong (?) to say “yes I know your dad is dying but I’m dealing with intense ptsd so sorry I can’t help you.” So I just don’t know what to do. I just feel terrible all around. This is the first time I’ve been able to really go through the experience and put it down in words so thank you at the very least for that. I’m sorry it’s so long I’m just really lost and your blog is so validating so thank you. -FK

Hi anon,

I am glad that you felt like you could write into us again. I am so sorry for all you’re dealing with. Traumaversaries can be so difficult. I am really glad that you have a therapist that is in your corner and my first piece of advice is to take her up on the offer of being on standby if you need her. I also want to say that I am really proud of you for talking to her about this enough that you have extra appointments and that set up. I know it can be so hard but your comfort is important. What you’re going through is a lot and you deserve support.

It’s reasonable you don’t want to tell your family, especially given how they’ve reacted in the past. It seems hard to balance and I’m so sorry for that. But I do want to tell you that you are not being selfish. You are going through a lot of trauma, and the triggering aspect of the anniversary is a really valid really to be having a hard time. It would be valid even without that trigger looming over you.

I am so glad you had your therapist with you when this all happened and I am beyond angry on your behalf at that doctor who said those things to you. I really don’t think people like him should have doctor’s licenses, and you did not deserve to be treated that way.

It’s really valid that you aren’t ready to talk about it. Please don’t force yourself because it can be re-traumatizing to talk about it before you’re ready. Having a therapist for this is really good, but for some, it helps to have support of others that are validating. For this, I recommend trying to reach out to a trauma support group whether that’s online or in person. A good one won’t force you to talk about things before you’re ready but having the validation that this support group may give can be so helpful. A lot of times, people that have been through similar will have suggestions and tips that can be helpful too. But for me, it’s the feeling that I’m not alone.

And I do want to say that to you. You are not alone. I know I’m just some random stranger on the internet, but I am here and I believe you and my thoughts are with you.

You are not a failure of a human. I promise you that. You are human and you have a lot that you are trying to cope with right now and it’s beyond understandable that you are struggling.

I also want to say that I am proud of you for putting it into words because that is an amazing step in the direction of talking about it. One of my questions/suggestions for you, is does your therapist know the whole story? If not, is writing it out for her like you did for us here a possibility? Even to copy and paste this ask and show it to her? Her having as much information as possible might allow her to help you more. If you aren’t ready for that, that’s okay. It’s really just a suggestion.

I believe in you, anon. And you and your feelings are valid. I can promise you that.

April

#mod April #trauma talks #tw r #tw sa #sa #trauma details #death #dying #tw death #ptsd #fk

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fyexo · 5 years ago

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200529 K-Pop Superstar Baekhyun On His Sweet Solo Single "Candy" & Delightful Second Mini Album

A soft humming is heard on the other side of the line while the call stabilizes — of course one of South Korea’s most prominent vocalists would be singing. Baekhyun, who debuted in 2012 as a member of the chart-topping boy group EXO, has just released his second solo album, Delight, and his excitement is palpable through the phone.

Just minutes before this call, he was interacting with fans on a live stream through the app VLive. There, he answered a series of questions while waiting for the album to drop at 6 pm on May 25 (KST). Nicknamed “Genius Idol” for his array of talents, Baekhyun has tried a little bit of everything throughout his career: acting, fashion design (he’s the co-creative director of the brand Privé by BBH), gaming, vlogging, duets, the EXO subunit EXO-CBX, and leading the supergroup SuperM — who was the first Korean act to top the Billboard 200 albums chart with a debut release.

His solo career officially started last year with the release of City Lights. The album sold more than half a million copies and became the best-selling physical album of 2019 by a solo artist in Korea. Delight follows the same footsteps: it amassed 732,297 stock pre-orders, sold over six hundred thousand copies on the first day according to Hanteo (a company that shares real-time sales data in South Korea), and topped the iTunes Album Charts in 68 countries so far.

Sonically, Delight is a breezy, RnB-infused experience that showcases Baekhyun’s prismatic artistry. “I worked really hard on this album, and I was really happy working on it as well,” he tells the Recording Academy. Like “Candy”, the title track, each song has a different flavor. Deep cut “R U Ridin’” has a honey-dripping bassline, for example, while the bright “Poppin’” feels like chewing on sour candies, and the intense “Ghost” lingers with a coffee caramel aftertaste.

To deepen the discussion around his new album, The Recording Academy caught up with Baekhyun and talked about his inspirations, the development of his multifaceted persona, and, of course, his favorite candy.

This interview was edited for clarity, and an interpreter translated all answers from Baekhyun.

How are you feeling lately?

I’ve been really happy. There’s been a lot of excitement and expectation personally around the Delight release, so I’ve been relishing in all of that these days.

What were your inspirations for this album?

I wanted to try the RnB genre more, so that’s what I focused on for this album. In terms of the title itself, within EXO my superpower is “light,” so I wanted to emphasize that as much as possible.

[Writer’s note: EXO debuted under a concept where each member has a superpower, and that appears throughout their branding.]

Just the way the word “delight” sounds is pleasurable. What are some of life's delights to you?

Right now, the top ones would be being on stage and performing. Another thing is that I’ve been taking vocal lessons on the side, and that has been a source of delight to me as well.

What's your favorite song in this album? Are there any lyrics you would like people to pay attention to?

I have to pick the title track, “Candy.” If you listen to the lyrics, there is a part where I list candy flavors and ask “what more do you want?” I think it truly expresses confidence and boldness, that I can become whatever you like, just tell me and I’ll do it. That’s the part I want everyone to pay special attention to.

This ability to become whatever is needed at the moment also shows up in the contrasting sweet and sensuous styles you explore in the album. Can you talk more about that?

As you mentioned, that’s exactly what I was trying to do with the concept of “Candy” and of Delight in general. I wanted to showcase a variety of different sides that I have to myself. In the past, fans would always say that they like both my sweet side and the more sensual, performative side, so I wanted to capture both and present them in a bigger package.

Comparing Delight to your first solo album, City Lights, what are the main differences between them?

With City Lights, because it was my first solo album, I wanted to focus more on the vocals and showcase what I felt like I could present the best. If you listen to it, it’s definitely more vocal-focused. In Delight, I wanted to take a step further and show a different side to fans. I wanted to incorporate more performance, which means a lot of choreography and thinking about the visuals on stage. I also tried to make this album a little brighter and fresher than City Lights, so visually and performance-wise it’s different.

When I think of Baekhyun, the word that comes to mind is "balance". You have an impressive talent to blend light and dark, highs and lows, laughter and tears in your performances. Are you aware of this fluency in yourself?

Since I was younger, I always heard that I’m pretty honest with my emotions. People see the bright and happy sides of me, but they see the other sides as well. Because my personality is one that is honest about how I feel, I want to showcase my true self to people. I think that’s why people say that about me as well, of showing the balance between many sides of things. That’s what I want to do because it’s who I am, and also what I want to showcase as an artist.

You have been an idol for almost a decade. What has been your biggest lesson so far?

Going back to my previous answer, I realized that if you’re honest with yourself and you’re truthful in the way you act, talk, and interact with everyone, then people will know. People will know that you’re being genuine, and over the years I learned to be honest with how I feel when I connect with my fans. As time passes, I think they have been able to recognize that and connect with me on a more genuine level too. That’s the biggest thing I learned.

And what is the achievement you're most proud of?

My debut with EXO. Even though my training period was short when compared to other members, just to be able to work together, come together as a group, and debut together, it’s definitely my proudest achievement to date. And that’s what launched me to be where I am right now.

You were always known for your powerful singing, but during all these years you have developed yourself and are currently recognized as a multi-talented artist and skillful dancer as well. Can you tell us more about that process?

My vocals have always been my main strength, so it’s something I continuously work on and want to improve on. In terms of dancing, I have a friend named Kasper who is a dancer/choreographer, and he teaches me all the trendy dances, gives me advice on how I should do this or that, so that’s a practical way that I have improved my skills. In general, because I have a lot of energy, I felt like just my vocals weren’t enough for the amount of energy that I can showcase, so I always wanted to channel that through dancing, which is a different outlet.

Did Kasper create the choreography for “Candy”? And did you have any input on it?

Yes. Because we’re friends, when he would show me the choreography, I would say “what about we do it this way?” and then we bounced ideas off each other, especially when it came to the formations of the dance overall.

In the current world situation, it's hard to expect things or make plans for this year, but what is one thing you are looking forward to in 2020?

It’s hard to make plans for the rest of the year, but I’m hoping that things get better so I can finally meet my fans in person. That’s the one thing I’m looking forward to the most. Because of the current situation, we had to shift things to digital, but I’m also excited to meet my fans via different platforms as well.

Have the members of EXO listened to your album? What was their reaction?

When they listened, they said that it matches the seasons right now, as we’re going into summer. All of them commented on how it was a new style for me as a solo artist, like showing another side of Baekhyun, another vibe. They also noticed that I put a lot of effort into it, they’re really supportive.

If you could describe yourself as a candy flavor, what would that be?

Strawberry. Because its flavor encapsulates both sweet and sour, and that’s precisely what I want to do — show different sides. With this concept in Delight, you can see a more relaxed, confident side, but you can also see a very sweet and doting side of my character.

To sum it all up, what is your favorite candy flavor?

Green grape! In Korea they sell bags of green grape hard candy, those are my favorites.

Source: Tássia Assis @ GRAMMYs

#exo #baekhyun #t: interview #album: delight

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #402

“there’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat / with a spike in the chair just to make it complete”

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not an injury, per se, but I've had at least one ear piercing get infected during the healing process. Shit sucks ass. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? "Savior" by SWARM. Are you considered popular at school? I wasn't. If you could host your own talk show, would you do it? No. I've got nothing interesting to talk about. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? I honestly don't know if I could with how squeamish I am about sharing food, even with family. And we're talking about sharing food that's been in the TRASH. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I do. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? I THINK hearing. I hate silence, so that would just be... haunting. I want to be able to hear people's voices and other sounds. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I have no idea. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? God no. They're divorced for a reason. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Some ice cream and a Mountain Dew bc I'm an emotional eater, my "graduation" pebble from my partial hospitalization program to remember how far I've come, some cold water to run over my face (or drink), my iPod for music and phone to watch YouTube, a nice, big blanket to turn into a burrito in... that kind of stuff. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? I'm not actively searching for anyone, no. What is something that people make fun of you for? Always being on the computer. It makes me EXTREMELY self-conscious, and I really wish people would keep their mouths shut about it. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? Wal-Mart. Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? In the past. Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? Fuck no. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Probably just kinda smile and blush and look down/away. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? *shrug* Favorite photo search engine? Tumblr for gifs, Google or Pinterest for still images, depending on what I'm looking for. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? I'll do both, I think? It's been too long since I've swum. Ever made a snow angel? Ye-ep. Would you ever take up smoking? No. I like having operational lungs. Do you laugh at racial jokes? No. Hate to break it to ya, but they're not funny. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I've been loving Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland, even if I'm reading very slowly. My psychiatrist has given me a new way to approach my hobbies I have difficulty engaging in, so I'm hoping if I keep it up, my rate of reading will speed up! Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Ahaha, yeah... "a," "s," and "d." A true gamer. How "w" is still alive, I couldn't tell ya. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws, probably. The red ones, in specific. Last person you texted? My mom. What did you learn from your first job? That I can't work with people. Favorite website from your childhood? I was a Webkinz A D D I C T. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry came to mind very quickly. Least favorite pattern? uhhhhhhh Favorite potato food? Either French fries or Lays wavy potato chips. PC or console gaming? I grew up as a console gamer, so I'm kinda biased. Writing or drawing? Don't make me choose!! I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I'm proud of, but I do way more writing. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom, probably. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights are so cute. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? I shit you not, none. What is your third favourite colour? Hm. Maybe rose gold, or lilac. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I'm really not sure, but I WANT to say it was one of those slide-y, compact Blueberry ones? Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? The Cheshire Cat has always been very alluring to me. What is the last thing you looked up online? The definition to a word just to ensure I was using it correctly. Have you ever had your fortune read? No. I ain't wasting time or money on that shit. Can you read tarot cards? If you couldn't guess from above, I have zero faith in this kinda stuff, so I don't care to learn. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. I like lime flavoring in some stuff, though. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? The forest. Do you own a camera? I do, a Canon EOS Rebel T6. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yes. Early into our relationship, Jason lent me a book to read, and I wrote a lil love letter in it for him. Do you have any artistic talents? I mean I like to think I'm a good writer and a decent artist. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. It was fun because he's a horror pansy, haha. He did fine, though. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Freak the fuck out because I haven't had sex in many years, so that thing's coming the fuck out 'cuz it obviously ain't natural. Favorite thing to get at McDonalds? Look man, I'm shameless, I love me a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese. Plus some fries. :x Do you know anyone named Alex? I know multiple people named Alex, actually. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. In other words, it's been a loooong time.Would you ever record yourself having sex? God no. Like zero judgment to the people that do, but I get NOTHING out of watching others "do it." I've never actually tried watching porn, but I couldn't have less interest. I know I'd hate it, and a lot. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did, anyway. Have you or would you ever use a dating app? One of my most embarrassing secrets is that I was briefly on Christian Mingle. It makes me want to cringe into fucking oblivion. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He's... a character. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? That time fucking flies, so cherish every millisecond. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? Not really. Even when I was sexually active, I was private about that stuff. I don't care if others talk to me about theirs, but odds are I'm not saying much about myself. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? I've never had a bad interview, but I mean, I've only had I wanna say four in my whole life. None were anything special either, though. Ever put someone else in the hospital? No. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what? No. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Finding a container of puppy chow underneath the Christmas tree one year. It was my parents' way of telling me we were getting a dog (which I had been nagging them about FOREVER), and next came Teddy. <3 I miss my boy. Is someone in love with you? I wouldn't know. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? That's a hard no. Do you wear cologne/perfume/aftershave regularly? No. Do you snore? No, actually. Pretty astonishing for someone with such severe sleep apnea. When is the last time someone else slept in your bed? When Sara last visited. How often do you dust? Not... nearly enough as I'm supposed to. Mom gets on me about it all the time. What is the most ‘extreme’ activity you have ever done? Ha, nothing wild, I assure you. I guess riding a four-wheeler through the woods once with our former neighbors, who were good friends of ours.. Have you ever rode on a mobility scooter/wheelchair just for fun? Um, no? That's a jackass thing to do. Some people actually need those. Who’s the most controlling person you know? OH MY FUCKING GOD. OUR FAMILY FRIEND TOBEY. EASILY. She seizes control of EVERY situation, even if she has no right to be involved in it. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? Not to my knowledge. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do! I like arriving in time to see them. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Have you ever entered anything into Urban Dictionary? If so, what? No. What’s the last live performance you watched on TV? No idea. Have you ever been embarrassed to buy something from a shop? Not to my recollection. It helps that I'm not the one buying things, like ever. What’s the name of one of your friends’ dogs? Buster! :') He's a precious lil bean. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A GIANT CENTIPEDE. That's one pet in the invert community that I have ZERO interest in EVER owning. Those bitches are scary. Have you ever needed to wear a tie? If so, when/why? Nope.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''fuck u'' by archive

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dailyexo · 5 years ago

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[NEWS] Baekhyun - 200530 Grammy: “K-Pop Superstar Baekhyun On His Sweet Solo Single "Candy" & Delightful Second Mini Album”

"The multi-talented artist from EXO and SuperM talks about the inspirations and goals behind 'Delight': "I wanted to showcase a variety of different sides that I have to myself"

This interview was edited for clarity, and an interpreter translated all answers from Baekhyun.

How are you feeling lately?

I’ve been really happy. There’s been a lot of excitement and expectation personally around the Delight release, so I’ve been relishing in all of that these days.

What were your inspirations for this album?

[Writer’s note: EXO debuted under a concept where each member has a superpower, and that appears throughout their branding.]

Just the way the word “delight” sounds is pleasurable. What are some of life's delights to you?

Right now, the top ones would be being on stage and performing. Another thing is that I’ve been taking vocal lessons on the side, and that has been a source of delight to me as well.

What's your favorite song in this album? Are there any lyrics you would like people to pay attention to?

This ability to become whatever is needed at the moment also shows up in the contrasting sweet and sensuous styles you explore in the album. Can you talk more about that?

Comparing Delight to your first solo album, City Lights, what are the main differences between them?

You have been an idol for almost a decade. What has been your biggest lesson so far?

And what is the achievement you're most proud of?

Did Kasper create the choreography for “Candy”? And did you have any input on it?

In the current world situation, it's hard to expect things or make plans for this year, but what is one thing you are looking forward to in 2020?

Have the members of EXO listened to your album? What was their reaction?

If you could describe yourself as a candy flavor, what would that be?

To sum it all up, what is your favorite candy flavor?

Green grape! In Korea they sell bags of green grape hard candy, those are my favorites."

Credit: Grammy.

#EXO #EXO K #Beakhyun #200530 #t:news #fs:grammy #comeback:Obsession

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1159

survey by -egocentricity-

Describe the last time you...

Went swimming: It was in Nasugbu with Angela, Sofie, and Gab nearly a couple of years ago. We wanted to go to a nearby beach before the semester started, so we planned the trip at the last minute and literally just right after we enrolled for our classes.

Went on a date: It was at BGC at this nice, romantic French restaurant. Then as we headed back to the car we spotted a jazz bar that had a live band performing, so we took a detour there to have drinks and nachos.

Were hurt by someone you love: My mom says a lot of hurtful things all the time I’ve stopped keeping track of them and letting them affect me too much, but I’m sure she’s done it recently.

Did something nice for yourself: I got myself a night lamp to improve the ambience in my room and make it feel even more homey. The lamp I had before it was just something I borrowed from my parents and it had white light, so it didn’t feel the most calming. The one I have right now emits this soft yellow shade that makes me feel infinitely more relaxed.

Did something nice for someone else: I ordered KFC at like 1 AM last Wednesday because I was feeling hungry and there was nothing at home that could meet my cravings, and aside from getting orders for my parents I also got a Zinger for my delivery driver as a way to thank him and lift his spirits for working that late into the night.

Were injured: I always sport some sort of scratch or gash somewhere on my body these days from playing with Cooper. This morning I got a new wound on one of my knuckles since he was pulling on his leash way too hard when I was walking him.

Went to the hospital: I had to take blood and urine tests last May to figure out what was wrong with me since I had been sick for a week by that point. That was also during the peak of the pandemic, so there was a lot of anxiety about me catching Covid. It turned out to be a UTI, and even though that technically sucks the whole family was relieved it wasn’t Covid.

Understood something that previously confused you: I had my dad explain to me how buying and bidding for houses works. Hahaha I am sooooo not equipped to be a fully-functioning adult.

Faked sick to get out of going to class: I don’t think I ever did this. If I had wanted to skip class, I just skipped it.

Hung out with your friends: I went to Perfy’s with 7 friends shortly before it shut down for good as a result of the pandemic. We had some beer and bar chow, and to be completely frank it felt quite nice to have that one night where things felt normal again, as ignorant as it was. We vaped until we were dizzy and some of them smoked too much that the smell ended up clinging to me and my clothes, but luckily I got home when my whole family was already in their rooms so no one was able to smell me.

Met someone new: There’s this girl who recently got onboarded to one of our client brands and we started working with her about a week or two ago. She’s honestly been a bit over the place, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s fairly new at a particularly hectic time in her workplace. My first impression of her was that she gave such a strong UP vibe so I looked her up on Facebook, and it turns out we went to the same college and the same high school.

Did something that you were afraid to do: A couple of months ago I had a one-on-one video call organized by the CEO of my employer so that she could get to know me better. She was super nice and listened attentively to my answers to all her questions, but it was easy to tell she wanted to see what I could bring to the table and how well I could mesh with the team especially since I’ve never met her and everyone else in person, so I made sure my social game was maxed out for those 15 minutes haha.

Did something you promised you would never do: I vaped literally half an hour ago. I never expected to form a habit out of it especially after being vehemently against any form of smoking for most of my life. Not particularly proud of it but then again I’m here for a good time and not a long time lmao.

Regretted something: Lazada had this huge app-wide sale last week and their Hydro Flasks were like ₱600 cheaper, but I didn’t buy it because I was feeling stingy that day haha. Now the products are back to their normal price and they’ll probably never get to be that cheap again :( There’s another sale happening tomorrow but the discounts aren’t as big, but I’ll probably place an order this time.

Went shopping: I went to H&M last January to get Andi a late Christmas present. I asked Leigh what they would appreciate as a gift, and she told me they’d wanted to start experimenting with feminine clothes so I got them a nice black skirt and this really elegant dress (that I honestly wanted for myself). I heard they cried once they opened the paper bag, and making people cry with the gifts you get them will always be one of the best feelings ever haha.

Asked someone out/were asked out: Idk, it was 5 years ago and nothing I want to remember anymore.

Broke up with someone: I’ve never broken up with someone.

Had someone break up with you: It was terrible and the stuff of all my nightmares combined, and it happened in the middle of an already-shitty month to boot so I had little hope for myself to come out of it alive. I had everything planned and ironed out and all that was left was for me to leave.

It’s been 7 months and I’ve never felt emotionally and mentally better and healthier.

Were heartbroken: I follow this animal rescue NGO on Facebook and they regularly post about dogs who’ve lived through awful situations and need urgent care and forever homes to live in. Fortunately the page has a wide reach and regularly gets support, and I try to donate to their bank account as often as I can.

You were angry with someone: Haven’t directed my anger towards anyone in a while.

You felt "in love" with someone: It was during the time I was still reeling over the breakup and was caught in an endless loop of still being in love with them and forcing myself to finally detach.

You wanted something unrealistic: I was at the rooftop this morning and I could feel the temperature getting warmer every hour, and when I finally couldn’t tolerate the heat and was forced to go back indoors I felt super annoyed because all I want is to live somewhere with a chilly climate all-year round hahaha UGH

You made someone angry: It was when I spilled a tiny drop of soup onto the dining table and my mom had a complete meltdown about it. After 89457843957 years of her getting mad at First World Problems I wasn’t intimidated by her anymore, but it still irked me at how something so little can piss her off so I just decided not to speak a word for the rest of the night.

You made someone's day: I hope I made my delivery driver’s night when I got him his burger as a surprise. I hold so much respect and appreciation for them considering they’ve been working very hard to get people’s goods to their doorsteps in the midst of a global pandemic.

Tried something new: When I bought my lamp it was the first time I got something to decorate my room. I usually spend all my money on food, so that was a nice change to try out.

Tried your best: I always try my best at work and to make each day more improved than the last.

Didn't try at all: A couple of nights ago I asked my dad to light up my scented candle and he challenged me to try lighting up a matchstick by myself for once. I was all primed and ready to go, but backed out at the last second :(( I told him there was a big chance I could freak out, drop the lit matchstick. and set something in the dining room (where we were) on fire, and that’s when he gave up and just lit it up himself hahaha

Got nothing for your efforts: I’d gladly refer you to my big waste of a 6-year relationship.

Had a serious talk with someone: I always have deep conversations with Andi and they’ve been about various topics over the last few months.

Told someone how you really feel: It was when Bea scheduled a quick one-on-one catch-up call with me to check up on how I was doing with work and if I was doing okay with the everyday craziness of it all. But I didn’t say anything grave; I just told her I honestly like the work we do and that it’s nice that it keeps me excited everyday, so there’s little to complain about.

Hid what you felt from someone: One of my co-workers, Denise, is honestly a little challenging to work with. I always have to pick up after her and remind her of stuff we need to do together, and even Bea has let a few comments slide between us about how difficult she can be. But considering I’m a lot newer than her and we’ve never met each other I’ve stayed quiet for now.

Took something that didn't belong to you: I got the matchbox from my parents’ room to ask one of them to light up the aforementioned scented candle I have.

Borrowed something from someone: I borrowed one of my sister’s cords the other evening to charge my vape pen.

Lost a game: This was when my orgmates and I played a couple Jeopardy games over Zoom about a month ago and I lost to Robin.

Won a game: Not sure, I don’t really play a lot of games.

Told someone you love him/her: Jo, after she shared that she tested positive for Covid.

Went on vacation: It’s been a year and a half and the world has changed a lot since then, but my family and I went to Tagaytay and Cavite for a quick weekend getaway; it was Tagaytay on Saturday then we drove to another hotel in Cavite the next day. We played Heads Up, ate Jelly Belly jellybeans, had a lot of nice food, took some walks, but then I also had to work on a Powerpoint in between because I had a presentation that was due that Monday lol.

Went on a roadtrip: Last January we drove to Tagaytay (again) for my dad’s 50th birthday. Before heading to our accommodation we had brunch at La Creperie where we happened to be seated beside Larry Gadon – bleck – and his wife. Then we headed to the condo unit where we stayed the night at, ordered a samgyupsal set, and I watched GMM’s Let’s Talk About That into the night until I fell asleep.

Flew on a plane: That would be over two years ago and it was during our vacation to Bicol. That also marks the last time I ever spoke a word to my brother, because on our way home my family got into a heated argument and he ended up slapping me in the face. I don’t tolerate physical acts of violence, and especially not from someone younger than me, so I was more than glad to cut ties with him moving forward.

Were annoyed with a family member: My mom is politically incorrect 24/7, and it grinds my gears 24/7.

Took something too far: Idk, maybe cutting off ties with Gab. A part of me wanted to reconnect at some point, once I’ve healed; but I’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t seem so necessary anymore. Life just works funnily sometimes, I guess. I haven’t completely cut her off; we’re still mutuals on Twitter (though she also never uses it so it barely counts), and also still Facebook friends (though I’ve unfollowed her and I’ve also blacklisted her from seeing my posts – thank god for that feature), so now it’s really just a matter of pressing some buttons and finally disconnecting for good.

Gave up too soon: I wanted to learn riding a bike during the early days of the pandemic last year, but I gave up after like two days of being unsuccessful.

Listened to a band you had not heard before: I started exploring some of BTS’ music earlier this week after weeks of just knowing Dynamite.

Judged someone: Some of the bloggers that I regularly correspond with for work, and who’ve recently added me on Facebook, have opinions I don’t necessarily agree with.

Asked a "stupid question": I ask a lot of newbie questions at work that maybe some people would consider dumb, but I’d rather get answers to do my work correctly than take guesses and end up doing the wrong thing.

Got "a stupid answer": Not sure.

Took a picture of something/someone: I recently took a photo of my work desk setup so I could show off my new pretty lamp, hahaha.

Told a lie: I told my mom my Hydro Flask is still with Angela and that I should be getting it soon, but I really lost it a few years ago and would have to buy a new one.

Told the truth: Idk I tell the truth all the time.

#survey #surveys

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iamtheblondestblonde · 5 years ago

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Slides and Serendipity

Part 5 (3.6k)

Masterlist

AN: So this one is a little shorter but that’s only because I would’ve had an awkward break otherwise. The next part will be up as well though so enjoy

Warnings: Language at most

I had to know what people were saying about me, so the next morning I asked Mara to give me some pointers but ignored everyone else blowing up my phone. I’d deal with this the same way I’d dealt with the issues before that, by myself.

Yogi could tell that something was up as well, staying close by on our morning walk and then following my every step after that, even nosing at me from time to time.

The pictures of Tyler and I that were circling the blogs were actually kind of cute, even I had to admit that. There was one from the aquarium that I liked most with me leaning against his side while his hand was resting on my lower back, his big fingers easily spanning from one side to the other. I remembered the tingling feeling his touch caused and not for the first time I wished that people had just let us be in peace.

You cursed at the two girls in the front of the video that had caused this entire shitstorm, even if they seemed too oblivious to notice anything around them. They were sitting at the edge of the pool and the camera focused on them before slowly panning out towards the rest of the area. That’s when you could clearly see Tyler with me wrapped around him, his tattoos making him easy to recognize for anyone. I watched myself smile up at him giddily while reaching out to run my hand through his hair before finally joining my arms around his neck.

The video ended then, thankfully not showing our moment that we’d had by the waterfall but the damage was already done. I could see why people thought there was something going on between us, hell from looking at the ‘evidence’ I was almost convinced myself. The hike with the dogs, the clinging to each other in the pool, the constant touching in the aquarium and lastly the shopping run for furniture all pointed towards something more that was hard to dismiss.

“At least I look good in those pictures”, I muttered to myself because if there was one thing worse than having such personal moments displayed to everyone, it would be looking bad so everyone could make fun of me.

After a light breakfast I finally dared to face Instagram. After tapping on the icon the app lagged for a second under the amount of notifications pouring in at once. I hadn’t been on the site since the aquarium and couldn’t believe the amount of traffic on my profile.

My message requests were overflowing and my follower count had climbed up quite a bit in the last 24 hours. People had even started commenting under my more recent posts, asking if I was Tyler’s girlfriend or insulting me.

I couldn’t believe the amount of people interested in this supposed relationship. For a while I contemplated deleting all of those stupid comments but I was pretty sure that new ones would show up anyway so there really was no point.

Some people in my messages were actually concerned about me ‘wasting myself on a player like Tyler’ but most of the messages were just downright mean, some even implying that I was a gold digger. I was pretty confident, especially proud of my body after countless hours at the gym, but reading those messages was harder than I’d imagined. I didn’t respond to a single one but didn’t delete them either.

Thankfully I was used to taking heat and I wouldn’t exactly describe myself as sensitive when confronted with insults. People had given me shit after I took down Flappy Bird and I’d even received multiple death threats, but at least the hate had been about something that I’d done and not because of who I was associated with or the way I looked. I took great pride in my work and people mentioning my name for something else besides my accomplishments hurt my ego more than I’d like to admit.

To distract myself from all this drama I put together everything that I’d bought for the office the day before, enjoying the mindless work for the next few hours, but I knew that eventually I had to face my situation so I looked at my phone.

Tyler had texted me earlier to see how I was doing and Katie had reached out to me as well. My girls had let me know that they’d listen if needed and then proceeded to send cute animal pictures for me to look at, knowing full well by now that I usually preferred to be left alone to deal with my problems.

Before I could even think about what to respond to Tyler, my phone announced an incoming call from Mia. It was weird to hear her voice again after close to three years but we instantly fell back into our old patterns, chatting easily before deciding to grab dinner together tomorrow. I was pretty confident that I could convince her to come work with me and at this point I couldn’t wait to be productive again.

I let everyone know that I was doing alright and then decided to go on a run, something that always helped me to think.

I changed and put a leash on Yogi, my feet pounding on the pavement soon. I played some music for the rhythm but kept it low so I could clear my head.

Setting one foot in front of the other I tried my best to see the situation from an objective standpoint. It was a fact that the damage was already done and no amount of denying the rumors would stop them if I wanted to keep seeing Tyler. I didn’t want to stop seeing him either, not willing to sacrifice our connection at this point anymore.

The run had the intended purpose and I soon came to multiple realizations.

Tyler was a famous pro athlete which meant that him and media attention were kind of a package deal and maybe, just maybe I should just get over my bruised ego. As I kept thinking about the issue at hand I realized that I kind of had no other option than to put up with the shit coming at me.

I pushed myself until I felt like my lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen and then circled back to my house at a slower pace, basking in the runner’s high to plan out the rest of the day before showering and getting to work.

I’d realized that Katie was probably the most suited to give me some tips about my current struggle so I called her. She didn’t answer at first but then she called back as I was pulling out ingredients for some lemon cakes, suddenly in the mood for some baking.

“Sorry I didn’t see you calling, we just got back from this team get-together. Tyler was deep in thought all afternoon and kept checking his phone by the way”, she greeted me and I smiled at her attempt to make me feel better. I didn’t like him not being in a good mood because of me but it showed that he cared at least.

“Yeah about that, I need some advice from you…”, I started and then asked how she dealt with people thinking that they had the right to judge her based on her relationship with Jamie. I knew that she had a private Instagram profile now and while that might deter some hate, I guessed that she probably still got lots of stupid comments.

Going private was not an option for me, as I used my media presence to pull in new jobs even if most of my posts had nothing to do with my work.

“I know me saying just ignore it is stupid because it seems impossible, but trust me it isn’t. It also doesn’t help that people think you’re with a player that has one of the biggest fanbases among the league. People probably already looked at your profile as soon as he started following you, some are that obsessed”, she said and I flinched at the thought of people following Tyler’s every move to this extent.

“Do you not care at all that people basically treat you as an accessory to Jamie?”, I asked her the question that had been bugging me all day.

“I try to look at it differently. At hockey events I’m simply there to support him and I’m more than willing to take a step back in those cases. For everything else you just have to remember that while the fans may only focus on him, you’re the most important person to him so it doesn’t really matter what everyone else thinks”, she explained and I understood what she was trying to say, even if our situations were different.

She told me about how she struggled with the attention at first, something I at least had some experience with. Only now it was for a different reason but I decided to just ignore that fact, drawing from years of practice at ignoring insults.

“You’ll actually get a lot of nice messages too because hockey has really supportive fans and those are always great to read. If I were you I wouldn’t delete the stupid messages though, new ones just keep coming either way. Don’t give the haters the time of your day and just let them pile up in your requests. Sometimes I respond to the nice ones but mostly I enjoy them in silence, that’s up to you though”, she said and I decided that I’d probably handle things the same way. I had to check my requests for work opportunities but I could just skip over everything else.

“You just have to stay calm amidst all of the crazy stuff. Things will get even worse when you two officially start dating so be prepared”, she continued and I couldn’t help bun notice how she said when, not if but I didn’t correct her.

“Thanks for everything Katie. I kind of reached that way of thinking over the course of the day but it still feels good to hear it out loud”, I sighed as I finally put the cake into the oven.

“Don’t worry about it, we’ve all been there before and supported each other through the ups and downs. By the way, some other better halves and I are going out on Saturday, just the girls, and your presence has been requested as well.”

I debated her offer for a second, knowing full well that I wasn’t a ‘better half’ like the rest of them but ultimately decided that I needed to make new friends either way.

“Of course I’ll come, thanks for asking. Just text me when and where.”

We continued talking for a while but then she had to leave because Jamie wanted to start on dinner. I decided to finally talk with Tyler and texted him to see if I could come over.

Tyler: Of course, I’m in the backyard with the guys so bring Yogi too if you want

He then proceeded to text me the code to his front gate, which surprised me. It wasn’t the code to his house but a big step nevertheless. I decided to bring along some lemon cakes and then made my way over, Yogi excitedly pulling ahead.

I entered the code and made my way around the house towards his backyard. Tyler hadn’t noticed me yet and I could see him spitting something into a bush.

“Well that’s mildly disgusting”, I announced my presence flatly and he jumped a little before turning towards me. As soon as I let Yogi off his leash he ran over to Gerry, greeting his new best friend before chasing him around the yard.

“Sorry, bad habit”

“I think you just mispronounced ‘addiction’”, I commented, knowing exactly that chewing tobacco wasn’t any better than smoking it. I reached up with my free hand to hug him and reveled in the feeling of being wrapped in his arms. It had started to cool down already but he was radiating heat through his t shirt.

“I brought a piece offering and don’t worry, it’s diet-friendly”, I said, holding out the box for him to take.

“Why would you need to make a peace offering?”

He looked at me with his eyebrows crinkled in confusion, a look that made him look young and innocent.

“Because I shut you out and basically ignored you all day”

“You don’t have to apologize for that, I know it’s kind of a lot to be caught up in this shit so I don’t blame you for needing some time to sort everything out. If anyone needs to say sorry it’s me for dragging you into this.” He looked at me sheepishly, lifting his snapback to run his hand through his hair before putting it on backwards.

“It’s definitely been a crazy week since we met”, I admitted with a small laugh but I wasn’t mad anymore. It would take some getting used to but I was willing to try.

“Has it really only been a week?”, he asked and I knew exactly what he meant. So much had happened already and I was feeling closer to him that I should after just seven days but yet here we were.

“Are you hungry? I was about to make dinner.” I gave him a skeptical look that made my doubt in his cooking skills, or lack thereof clear.

“Hey I know how to feed myself. I’m not as good as you but I get by with a few easy standard meals”, he protested and I had to laugh at the cute pout he was now sporting.

“Lead the way then. I’ll watch you and we can have the cakes for dessert.” At least one part of dinner was safe that way.

I watched him prepare some pasta and was baffled when I discovered that he barely used any spices, despite having a full spice rack in his pantry. With a huff I grabbed some of them and then proceeded to explain to him when to use what, the pasta smelling more delicious by the minute.

“This tastes like an entirely different meal”, he exclaimed after I was finally satisfied with the result. He really had a lot to learn but at least he was enthusiastic about trying new things.

“I’ll make a cook out of you yet but it is a mystery how you could survive up to this point by yourself”, I teased and he laughed.

“That’s thanks to the nutritionists that supervise us, otherwise I’d eat like shit all the time.”

Tyler loved the lemon cakes, explaining that they were ‘just the right amount of sweet’, which was due to the apple sauce I’d used in place of regular sugar.

We settled on the couch with the dogs surrounding us, some sports show quietly playing in the background. He was spread out on his back and I was tucked into his side, my head resting on his shoulder. I was glad that it didn’t take a lengthy conversation for him to understand my point of view on the situation, that certainly made things easier. As if he was reading my thoughts he said:

“You know we can talk about what happened. The fans are a big part of my life and I know that they can go a little overboard sometimes but I can’t change that. I’m still sorry that people are giving you shit now though.”

“Really it’s okay. I think I just needed to wrap my head around things. I get that the attention and you are a package deal and if having haters is what it takes to keep you around, I’ll gladly do it.”

He smiled softly and opened his arms for me to fully snuggle up against his side, his arm now wrapped around my back.

“I’m glad that you’re willing to put up with it”, he murmured against my head and I smiled. We’d only just met and yet here we were. I’d never felt anything like this before, although to be fair I hadn’t really tried either. Besides the obvious attraction that was between us, there was also something deeper. He didn’t just make me happy, he understood me without needing long conversations or years of friendship beforehand.

Every moment I spent with him I could feel my resolve against not sleeping with him weaken. He’d been nothing but sweet to me but while I deemed myself a good judge of character I knew that one week wasn’t enough time. We needed to be stable enough for a friends with benefits situation to not get awkward or we both had to want something more. Until I wasn’t sure where we stood there simply couldn’t be any sex, as hard as it may be sometimes.

The show was showing some football highlights and I soon grew tired of watching. Despite having lived in the States for quite a while now I still couldn’t understand the obsession with it. The games were slow and too long and there were too many commercial breaks in my opinion. I didn’t follow any teams and the only reason I regularly watched the Super Bowl was because of the parties and the food.

“This shouldn’t be allowed to call itself football, their feet rarely touch the ball. It should be throwball or something like that”, I huffed and I could feel Tyler’s chest rumble with laughter beneath my cheek. As a German there was only one football in my life and it was the one that was actually played with feet.

“Throwball sounds ridiculous.”

“Well football is a little ridiculous in itself so it would be fitting.”

“You should be glad that I’m Canadian or otherwise I would have to kick you out for insulting America’s favorite sport.” I knew that he wouldn’t do it either way, his arms wrapped so tightly around me that I wouldn’t be able to leave even if I wanted to.

“I’d like to see you try”, I teased and lifted my head to stick out my tongue at him.

“Are you sure you’re 25? I’m thinking more like five.”

“Five and a half actually if you have to ask.”

“Very funny.”

“I’m hilarious and you know it.”

Now he was actually trying to push me off the couch but I just wrapped my leg around his thighs and held on tightly so he had to try a different approach. I didn’t expect him to pick me up before throwing me back town and moving to hover over me however. I didn’t even get the chance to resist before he grabbed both of my hands in one of his. His other arm was boxing me in and he had now effectively rendered me defenseless below him. At this point our giggles had turned into pants, his probably from the effort of throwing me around and mine because I loved the way he was manhandling me.

I looked up to him through my lashes, my thoughts going to places I’d sworn I wouldn’t let them wander to anymore just minutes earlier. He looked down at me with an unreadable expression and I would’ve given anything to know what he was thinking in that moment.

For a few seconds neither of us moved but then the moment was ruined by Gerry, who probably wanted to be a part of the action, licking Tyler’s face.

“Ew dude what the fuck?”, he exclaimed, sitting up to push the dog away before wiping the slobber off his face. Now I had to giggle at his exasperated expression and moved to sit up as well.

“I should probably go either way, I know you have an early practice and it’s gotten kind of late.” I was actually just trying to prevent myself from jumping him but he didn’t need to know that.

“Here put my sweater on, it’s gotten pretty late and I don’t want you to get cold on the way home.”

He pulled off his sweater and I really tried not look at the skin that was exposed as his t shirt rid up with it but my horny brain caused me to fail. I didn’t even try to reason with him that a five-minute walk in the cold wouldn’t kill me because I knew that there was no point, once he set his mind on something there was no stopping him. I also really wanted to wear his sweater but I would never admit that.

I put the sweater on and reveled in his scent for a moment before getting up to grab Yogi’s things.

“Look at what you did buddy, you scared her off”, I could hear Tyler say quietly to Gerry and I was pretty sure that that wasn’t meant to reach my ears. A small smile crept on my face but I tried to not let anything on as I reached town to get Yogi ready to go.

“Thanks for dinner Tyler, your attempt wasn’t completely terrible”, I joked as we finally both stood in his front door.

“Thanks for the lemon cakes and the spice tutoring, I definitely still have a lot to learn though. And again I’m really sorry for what people are saying about you, they just don’t know you well enough to know that you’re actually amazing.” I could tell that he didn’t plan on letting that last part slip because his cheeks immediately turned pink which in turn made me blush as well.

I reached up to hug him before wishing him a good night and then making my way home, thoughts running wild until I finally managed to fall asleep.

Part 6 here

#Slides and Serendipity #Tyler Seguin #Tyler Seguin imagine #NHL #nhl hockey #nhl imagine #fanfiction #Dallas #Dallas Stars #hockey writing #hot hockey players #nhl writing #imagine

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

I take it you like someone? If so, who do you like? Nope, you’re wrong.

Any sexual stuff happen in the past two months? Nope.

Is your phone right next to you, or at least close by? Yeah, it’s near me.

What windows are open on your computer right now? This one and YouTube.

Anything you would like to say to someone? Nah.

Last place you went besides your house? The doctor on Tuesday.

Have you ever wanted someone so bad, and then they completely stopped talking to you? Yes.

Who is the last person to call you? My mom just did to ask me about something I wanted at the store.

What was the last movie you watched? Wonder Woman 1984.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same ol’ thing.

Was 2013 a good year for you? That was the year I got super drunk and sick at my birthday and haven’t had a drop of alcohol since and also when Joseph ended things between us for good. Those are the things that stand out for me that year...

Do any of your friends dislike each other? I don’t have any friends.

Who knows your biggest secret? I don’t really have like a “big” secret.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Not romantic feelings, no.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason? I mean, I’d be curious as to why.

Are you in a good mood? I’m tired and annoyed. I saw there was a Fruity Pebbles creamer and as someone who loves Fruity Pebbles, I wanted to try it thinking obviously it was going to be good. Well, it was not. It was disgusting, 10/10 would NOT recommend. So disappointing. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any other creamer so I was SOL. That means I haven’t had coffee and that’s not good. Fortunately for me, my mom had to go back to the store for dinner so she’s getting me creamer. Now I’m just impatiently waiting for her to get back, ha.

Do you think ex’s can remain friends? It happens for some.

Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.

Are you starting to realize anything? Umm. Nothing new.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? I’m waiting for my mom to get back with the creamer.

Could you go a day without eating? It happens once in awhile. I have a messed up appetite and stomach issues and sometimes I don’t want to eat anything. Or when I’m really sick. I don’t often go full days without eating at least something, though.

How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? Zero.

What are you doing right now, besides this? That’s it.

When you listen to a new song, do you usually play it over and over? Not back to back, but I’ll listen to it often.

You’re single, right? Correct.

How’s that going for you? It’s fine. Definitely for the best.

Has anyone laid on your bed besides you? Yes.

Who’s the first person you spoke to in 2014? I probably was at my friend’s house for New Year’s Eve that year.

Do you ever want to get married? No.

How was your Saturday night? It was fine.

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? No.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? My mom texted me back “yes” in response to my question. I love my mom, she and I are very close.

Did you have a New Year's kiss? Nope. I’ve never had one.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? I can’t think of one at the moment.

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? After a day of doing nothing I’m in pain, so.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Yeah. YouTube, Kindle, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram are the ones I use most often.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? My mom and brother. They just are.

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? An English teacher out of the two. I couldn’t handle anything in the medical field.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? The two guys I had a thing with were both a year younger than me.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? Oh, just the usual stuff.

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? That’s not something I’m looking for.

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? Yeah.

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? Nope. It’s just another day for me.

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? No. I don’t believe in that kind of stuff.

When you need to remember something how do you usually go about doing so? I use my reminder or calendar app on my phone.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? No.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? Nope. What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I don’t care?

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? Walmart is where we do our grocery shopping and other household stuff and my mom and I have always start at the side with shampoo, soap, toothpaste, medicine, etc and work our way around to the food. As for Target, I just head straight in usually and walk around the store.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live with my parents, brother, and doggo. I have no desire to live alone.

What is the last online purchase you made? Journaling stuff and a Bible study book.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? I always felt like absolute shit around that time.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? Nope.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? It’s thin.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? I’ve had online friends who were from different states or countries.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? No.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? I don’t mind it.

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? I’ve never had a job, so no.

What would you say is your worst habit? Picking at my face. :X

What is the weather currently like where you live? It’s been in the 50s F.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without their shirt on? No.

Do you believe the last person you kissed still cares about you? Nope. I honestly feel like he forgot I even exist.

Who was the first person you saw this morning? My mom.

Do you worry your last ex will move on and be happier with another person? I’m sure he has and that’s great for him. It’s been several years, I’ve long since moved on.

What were you doing at 1 in the morning? Surveys and watching YouTube videos.

Are you a jealous person? I can be, but I honestly haven’t felt that in years.

What does your last text say? “Yes.”

Would you hug the last person you hugged again? Yes.

Do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience to be honest, but sure.

Has the last person you kissed ever made you cry? Yes.

Are you excited for anything? No.

How are you feeling right now? Tired and hungry.

What are you doing right now? Just this.

What should you be doing right now? I don’t have anything else I should be doing.

Are you worried about anything right now? Always.

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom.

Do you have any drugs in your bedroom? I have prescription medication.

Do you know the person who's locker is next to yours? I’m not in school. I also never had a locker.

What is annoying you? Nothing really at this moment. I was annoyed about the creamer situation earlier and about not having coffee, but I’m finishing this at a later time and I’ve since had my coffee.

Do you like the color blue? Yeah.

Do you know anyone who is going through a hard time? Yeah, including myself.

Did you get to sleep in today? Well, I stayed up until 7AM so I could call my doctor first thing when they opened to cancel an appointment and then I fell asleep after that until 230PM.

Where will you be in 1 hour? Right here.

Who did you last talk to in person besides family? My doctor.

Anyone you were good friends with, that you no longer get along with? No. Like, I don’t have friends anymore but it’s not because we didn’t get along.

Has anyone let you down lately? Just myself.

Anyone you'd do anything for? My family.

What will you be doing tomorrow? My days are all the same. Did you meet anybody new today? No.

What is your favorite TV show right now? I have many, but a new one my mom and I have gotten into is Dare Me on Netflix.

Do you make any art? I like to color. That’s about as artsy as it gets for me.

What colors go well with your eyes? *shrug*

Would you go out with somebody you just met or do you have to be friends? I like to get to know someone a little first.

Do you like any magazines in particular? I haven’t read a magazine in yearsss.

Is it okay to laugh really hard over corny jokes? Yes...? Why wouldn’t something like that be okay?

Do you have a habit of falling for people already in relationships? No.

Do you flirt with people more than people flirt with you? No. I’m not a flirt and no one flirts with me.

Are you a pancakes kind of person or waffles? Waffles.

Has your best friend ever called you when they were high or drunk? No.

What’s your favorite kind of cake? Funfetti, strawberry, red velvet, white. Buttercream frosting, of course. Well, except for the red velvet, which must have cream cheese frosting.

Do you like yourself? No.

Have you stolen anything recently? No. I don’t go around stealing things.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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