#i’m mostly happy

[razorsadness]

surveys are fun, yo.

what cd have you forgotten about and then recently remembered you love so much? dookie by green day. even though it's a tape, not a cd.

what is the most depressing song ever? "olga's birthday" by rose polenzani or "sea anemone" by jets to brazil. or perhaps "pocket games" by cadallaca. i listen to a lot of depressing shit.

what do you think is the best way to get a date? make the person you are crushing on a rad mix tape or CD. or give them a copy of yr zine.

who do you think would cry if they ever read your journal? my mom. some other people, too, maybe.

what is the cure for the summer time blues? trains, travel, tattoos, coffee, friends, zines.

whats the last cd you listened to? "my war" by black flag. but it was a record, not a cd.

give me a quote that will do me so good: i find that alcohol, in sufficient quantities, brings about all the effects of drunkenness. -oscar wilde

Full name: jessica ‘duckie’ disobedience

You reside: near chicago, soon to actually be IN chicago, thank fucking god.

What makes you human? i get inane crushes on "celebrity" boys and girls and then get papercuts when i tear their pictures out of fanzines. i smoke and i cough and my throat gets sore and fucked up when i scream too much which i do a lot. my heart breaks at the drop of a hat, but i always seem to sew it back up again, although maybe it doesn't work as well as it once did. i bleed. i sweat and smell and fuck. i get blisters on my toes from too-tight chucks and on my hands from writing and bass guitar and bike handles. i cry and my tears are salty.

What do you collect? stickers to put on my typewriter and car and bicycle and notebooks, patches to sew haphazardly onto hoodies, multi-colored shoelaces for my multi-colored chucks. tattoos. drawings of skulls; zines and books to read and re-read. CDs, mix tapes from friends and strangers, punk rock records. weird found religious propaganda like pamphlets on how to be saved and "i heart jesus" barrettes. leopard print stuff. blank books to fill up with rants and poetry and journal entries and my novel. cheap typewriters. pictures of punk rockers. photographs. sock monkeys. punk rock barbies. fabric scraps that may come in handy some day. pictures and fliers and posters for my walls. e-mail addresses.

How many issues of Cometbus do you own? not nearly as many as i would like to.

What annoys you most? close-minded people, dumb boys, mosquito bites, restlessness, boredom, sore throats, stomachaches, nic-fitting, being broke, apathy.

When you grow up, what do you want to be? really, doing a zine is the only long-term plan i have. i'd like to write and travel and meet lots of rad people and be in a band. i want to be happy. i want to be a mom someday.

Whats inside your attractive messenger bag? green zine #10, girl swirl #4, inside and out #s 1 & 2, the scorpio conspiracy #1, starlight #4, war against the idiots #19, lab rat #4, skin & ink july 2001, adbusters july/august 2001, packing tape for taping up posters, a black bandana, sunglasses, my keys on a jack kerouac keychain, halls ice blue throat lozenges, a tin of tattoo goo, two mix tapes, a blank book with a typewriter on the cover that i'm writing my novel in, a black felt tip pen, a little flashlight for dumpster-diving, a pack of sugarfree gum, million4roe stickers, a converse all-star pencil case with nothing in it, old breath mints covered in fuzz and tobacco, a receipt for piggly wiggly, some coins, a chicago metra train map, a notebook with random scribblings in it, political posters, a blank book with the british flag on it that has my poetry in it, a half-full pack of sampoerna clove cigarettes, a half-full pack of marlboro reds, empty packs of gpc lights and american spirit lights, a sanitary pad, a leopard print wallet (which contains: 7 dollars, a receipt for walgreens, my driver's license, my library card, a guitar pick, a pink plastic safety pin, a bottle cap that also happens to be an "ad" for free beer zine, two tiny pictures (one of a sock puppet and one of a chalk drawing), & my debit card), old el cards, an old shopping list, an empty coin purse, condoms, a blue felt tip pen, 3 lighters (blue, purple, yellow), tissues, an eyeliner pencil (black, of course), benadryl, my watch, an empty pack of birth control pills, eyedrops, hand cleanser, hand lotion, and lime chapstick.

Shamless About: singing loud in public, thrashing around in my car, public displays of affection, belching, swearing, my tattoos and piercings, armpit and leg hair, scars and bruises, liking girls.

Favorite summer activities: walking on the beach wearing all black and getting my feet wet but not actually swimming, traveling, walking around outside at night with friends either really drunk or really stoned and being really obnoxious, coffeeshops, punk rock shows where it's so hot you can hardly breathe, dumpster-diving, meeting cool people, eating ice cream, drinking lemonade, riding my bicycle, skateboarding, staying up late, catching fireflies and then letting them go, etc.

Favorite winter activities: freezing my ass off while trying to walk to the fireside bowl, freezing my ass off while waiting for the el, generally freezing my ass off, dressing inappropriately for the weather, drinking coffee or chai, making mix tapes, being nostalgic, writing long letters to friends, contemplating things, wearing sweaters, wishing it were summer, crying, having sex, cuddling, shoplifting, hanging out at the library, making snow angels, etc. What side of the Shit Split rocks harder? i'd have to vote for blatz, although filth is really rad.

Who would win a fight, Paul Westerberg or Elvis Costello? well fuck, neither one of them seems like fightin' guys. but i guess i’d say paul, just cuz he seems a little more unhinged.

If you are alone and no one is looking, how many weezer songs will it take to get you sobbing? half of "the sweater song." i'm weird.

Do you Rock the Casbah? yep. even if the sharif don't like it.

What's the biggest lie you ever told? let's see. . .my parents think i'm straight (even though i've tried to tell them otherwise), have no tattoos, have never had sex, don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, and they don't know i'm an anarchist.

What is the meaning of life? zines, records, love & lust, adventure, sex, broken hearts, bass guitars, loud music, screaming, high-top chucks, crushes, henry rollins.

Honestly though. i don't hate myself. and that's all that matters.

[choice excerpts from some surveys I filled out and posted on my LiveJournal, 6/18/01]

[leandrocrossard]

something really cool happened today that i wanted to share:

my nephew is 9 years old, and a stereotypical little boy. he likes dinosaurs, minecraft, and ninjas.

today i walked in on him excitedly watching Nimona with my dad. (minor spoiler warning!)

i had never heard of it, but i sat down and watched some of it, just to see why he was so happy.

he started narrating it, anticipating parts of it, almost as if he’d seen it before. he had.

we didn’t get to finish it, but i watched it on my own, because it looked fun and i wanted to see how it ended.

and i loved it. it was a fun, exciting, fantastical adventure about the importance of acceptance people who are different to us.

and it had a very clear queer subplot.

one that my nephew hadn’t mentioned at all in his explanation of the film. his summary was “it’s about a monster who helps a knight that was framed for killing the queen”.

and honestly yeah, that is what the film was about.

before sharing it with us, he had watched it all, engrossed himself in the story, took it in entirely, and the part he cared about most was whether Nimona got her acceptance. he wasn’t indoctrinated, or confused, or questioning anything about himself.

he didn’t bat an eyelid over a gay love confession. he just enjoyed the film, raved about it, made my 60 year old dad watch the movie about the monster who didn’t fit in.

he’s still the same little boy who’s been asking us how to get a girlfriend.

the only thing a movie centred around queer and queer-coded characters taught my nephew was that those who are different to him are not monsters. that’s it.

and that dragons are really cool.

[pokidokieships]

Sharing cultures + lots of teasing

Their banter is one of the many things about this ship that I absolutely love <3

[pastabaguette]

large tf2 post!

i love tf2, if you guys didn’t know. these are all old, but i figured i should get around to posting them on this website.

i don’t know if the comic in the middle’s quality is completely ruined for anyone other than me. if it is, i’m sorry. there’s nothing i can do to fix it, i don’t think.

[lunarcrown]

OLLD drawing I can share now of Timmy after recovery and care from staying on double life and being looked after by the box boys~

He’s healthier, happier, his hair and wings have grown back out and have a pretty blue-black sheen to them (that he never knew he had bc in hels his diet and environment only let them be dull) and he just heard the sound of a portal opening for someone to come visit~!

[eli-am-confused]

I have been absolutely obsessed with the Mechanisms lately so here is Drumbot Brian being my absolute favorite gender

[atroquinine-my-love]

Someone called my pride post for dgs last year the Miku Binder Thomas Jefferson of the Ace Attorney Universe and it haunted me

[lavender-temult]

Among Us BH, based on this post by @occidentalavian :]

[cuepickle]

Stranger Things x Breakfast Club AU (part ?)

[claypigeonpottery]

thanks everyone for all the bunny votes and suggestions! I ended up doing a bit of everything (and speed drying my bunnies because mania)

the moon and starry sky bunnies won the poll

black with skeletons was 2nd (plus a sad bunny just because)

a couple people suggested Watership Down El-Ahrairah bunnies

I got a suggestion for trans bunnies (the grey will lighten to white once the clay is dry)

for black and tan bunnies

for a white bunny with blue eyes and a pink bunny

and delft bunnies! these ones were time consuming lol

and some delft pigeons too! these turned out nicer than the bunnies, more space to work

[raiy-yn]

Haven’t posted on this account in a bit so here’s some food

[doublel27]

I thought joong was straight? He is quite into dunk lips but beyond that i thought straight. I don't even read him as bi?

Look, I neither actually know nor care what Joong’s sexual orientation is. That’s between him and whomever he chooses to tell. And most of my Joong knowledge is adjacent to my knowledge of FKT, AouBoom, EarthMix and DaouOffroad because he’s close with all of them. I more know of him then know him, so I could be missing stuff.

I would say, in regards to your ask, Joong doesn’t appear to have the painful knowing that often comes along with growing up queer in a society that doesn’t want you to be that a lot of other queer people use as a tell to identify each other. The thing that makes us, as queer folx, hesitate or get shy when it comes to things straight people wouldn’t think twice of. And while I do use that in my analysis sometimes, I also know members of Gen Z across the world actively work to resist that shyness and that shame that comes with internalized homophobia and honestly the real-world consequences that can come from being proudly out.

What I do know is he is 1000% into the fanservice portion of his job. Now either it’s his job and he’s having the best time being gay for pay, its his job and he’s excellent at pretending to have the best time pretending to be gay, or he is just shamelessly queer and has said fuck the knowing.

This man is out here yelling into full concert audiences “where is my teerak” and when the audience yells back saying SHHH! he didn’t ask for them, he asked for Teerak! He’s hugging and kissing Dunk at every opportunity and posting various shots of Dunk’s bare waist in crop tops during this THK filming area. He strikes me as the kind of man who reads the RPF about himself. In The Heart Killers book fair panel this past week, he talked about his love of reading BL novels and imaging himself and Dunk in the lead roles. Take that for what you will.

He also expressly stated in an interview alongside Dunk this week that he insisted on being paired with a partner the same height as him. Specifically stating, he thinks it’s a stereotype that one member of an imagined pair/branded couple is always bigger than the other and he didn’t want to lean into it. He wanted to go against that narrative.

As @firstkanaphans and @respectthepetty pointed out, he has a shit ton of queer friends and has close relationships with the members of GMM that are most likely to be clocked as queer (whether they are or not is also not expressly public knowledge and some folx that people clock as gay are straight because femme isn’t exclusive to gay men) Which again, either he’s the most down for the cause straight dude that exists or he’s also queer. My stance is considering he and Daou talk about how close they were to starving trying to make their first shot at being idols happen, I hope they’re having the best time in Thai BL fanservice land being shameless and getting that money.

To end, let me paraphrase my beloved Kit Harrington: to believe you can tell the level of queerness someone embodies just by looking at them or listening to their voice or looking at their hobbies, you’ve missed the entire part of Heartstopper.

Which is why I keep all my speculating to mostly private convos and tumblr where I can pretend celebrities don’t live because we’re all mostly anonymous on here and this site is hell to search. Don’t @ folx on Twitter or on their IGs or their TikToks. Don’t try and out people with YouTube videos. Let the Schrödinger’s Gays enjoy their boxes.

I know I have other anons (I see you. I am maybe coming soon) but this required less work on my end to compile my answers.

[dykedvonte]

Curly had two days to act and Swansea had two months.

I think it’s just interesting that every defense of Swansea not immediately acting are the same ones that are argued against for Curly. “He didn’t want to alert Daisuke or makes things worse for Anya either Jimmy!” I mean people also assume that about Curly and the crew. “He has to think about his plan of action and a right moment!” Again so did Curly, power and authority aside, he still would have to think of what he had to do. “He makes sure he doesn’t have to be around Jimmy!” So did Curly and they only do this to an extent, both give Jimmy more than a few opening to keep harassing Anya.

This isn’t defense of Curly nor a damnation of Swansea. Their actions are very parallel to each others in tragic and sour ways when it comes to how they approached helping Anya. In the grand scheme of it all they both did the same thing: Nothing. No action either took stopped the inevitable outcome of her death nor Jimmy’s continued damage to themself.

The only real difference is Swansea didn’t like Jimmy which is pretty substantial, but also just as damning as Curly knowing how bad Jimmy could get to an extent. He had even less of a reason to wait, even more of a reason to act seeing as he was now worried for Anya AND Daisuke. He is not bound by the possible procedure as Captain and actively does not care about what happens next. So what does it matter if he acted in the moment? Why did he wait? I think he’s just as morally complex and grey as Curly and we hold him on a pedestal that still perpetuates things in rape culture the game critiques.

It’s not just enough to dislike and be abrasive to predators/abusers like Jimmy. It’s not enough to just put yourself between them and the other person. It’s not enough to hold tensions when you know someone is vulnerable. He and Curly do the exact same things but on different sides of the coin. I ask how is it better to not turn a blind eye but still not really do anything about what you are seeing? Not until it affects you atleast…

The game makes a big point to not put men doing the bare minimum or who wait to do more on pedestals and I’m actually surprised so many are missing that point.

[kinokoshoujoart]

oops all rock (springtime edition)

i’ll be able to draw digitally again soon! ;w; in the meantime i’ve been scribbling a lot on paper…

could not wait for Soon, so i resorted to coloring it using the markup tool in default iphone photos app (don’t do that ever again)

[kagoutiss]

green beetle black beetle

[4thwallbreakerdraws2]

SHOWSTARS

Working on the asks again, but have this colored piece of SMG16 and RTV!Puzzles for now. Their duo name is SHOWSTARS (or BLUESCREEN if we take the angst path).

Please note that SMG16 belongs to @birdy-four and that these two are meant to be seen as STRICTLY PLATONICAL!

Anyway enough yapping!