#i’m just sad I think i’m going to miss the pride event i’ve put a lot of work into organizing for :(

[oingomyboingos]

feeling myself slowly slide into getting covid again is actually The Worst like ah. doom approaches

[crumblingreader]

evermore and the regrets

Before reading this analysis I would recommend researching the theory about the failed coming out (I think this post from @sophietv is the best I've read on the subject), and reading my previous analysis of The Archer, since I consider these songs to be heavily connected (in my head they're sort of a trilogy with Dear Reader, which should be my next post).

Second thing, I’m not considering the lyrics to be from different pov even though it’s a duet, so even if i put in purple the lyrics that Bon Iver sings in the studio version, I don't believe that it has a particular meaning, but if you have another interpretation, I would be delighted to read it. ^^

A quick reminder of the timeline this is based on, just so we’re on the same page: Taylor would’ve hoped to come out on June 30th 2019 New York pride parade, but didn’t, probably because of the stealing of her masters. She then started really quickly to shift from the colorful Lover era to wearing mostly black, and performing pretty sad songs acoustically (go watch the Live in Paris and the BBC Live Lounge studio for example). It’s also the time where Taylor and Karlie may have broken up, from what I know, we don’t know for sure in what order the events happen, but it may be linked in some way, which might be adding to the pain she feels connected to that period. 

This song takes us through her journey, of understanding and accepting the way things turned out during the Lover era.

I would like to start by highlighting how she uses the imagery of winter (I put it in blue) in that song. She was supposed to come out in at the end of June, and this song is filled with cold, ice, winter, etc, which, I think, represent the way she felt like she was frozen in the closet, incapable to move and to join the queer community during the summer.

Gray November I've been down since July

It may seem obvious, but the beginning of July is the end of June, pride month, and as I said before, she wanted to come out on June 30th: July was exactly the time when she understood that she hadn’t been able to, and must’ve been a period of great doubt and regrets: she never got answer to the questions she asked in the Archer, she never got to see the outcome of all that anxiety she felt, it just didn't happen.

Motion capture Put me in a bad light

This is probably about the Miss Americana documentary, which was allegedly supposed to be a coming out documentary, and ended up being about her talking about politics. After the documentary, she never talked about politics in such an open and determined way again, which might put her in a tight position. The documentary is just another reminder of her “failure” (she might think of it that way, if you want my opinion, not being able to come out is never a failure on your part, it’s a failure from your environment to you), and puts her in a bad light at least in her own mind, since she backtracked right after.

I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone Trying to find the one where I went wrong

She replays the events again and again, trying to understand where she made a mistake, where she should’ve acted differently. 

Writing letters Addressed to the fire

And she thinks, again, of all her coming out speeches she might have written (“I’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you”, the Archer), with the bitterness of knowing that none of them were ever destined to become more than wishful thinking.

And I was catching my breath Staring out an open window Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

She fears that she’s never gonna overcome those regrets and that she’ll be stuck with these feelings forever. (I’ll develop a bit more on that part when i’ll reach the last chorus.)

Hey December

At the beginning of the song, we were in November, thinking about July. Here, time has passed, but she’s still caught in the winter...

Guess I'm feeling unmoored Can’t remember What I used to fight for

Here again, her not being out can be one of the explanations as to why Taylor stopped talking about politics as much as she did at some point. She can’t find the hope she had before, about her future and her life, and she may have lost the will to fight, feeling like if she wasn’t “even” able to come out, she wasn’t able to fight for anything else.

I think it could also mean that the breakup and/or everything that happened at the time made her lose her desire to come out in any way. 

I rewind the tape but all it does is pause On the very moment all was lost

She can’t understand where everything went wrong, she can’t remember what happened, how it happened, how she ended up where she is, the only thing she remembers is the feeling when she understood that she had “lost”, that she wouldn’t be able to win this.  

The way she says “all was lost” means – in my opinion – that she held so much hope, and that so much of her future was dependent on her coming out, that not being able to do it made her feel like lost everything she had worked for.

Sending signals

The beginning of the Lover era was probably one of the moments Taylor was the loudest about her queerness…

To be double crossed

…But in the end, she was betrayed and she couldn’t get through with it, she couldn’t actually act on these signals. In that situation, she was betrayed, but she could also feel like she betrayed those who understood what she wanted to do.

And I was catching my breath Barefoot in the wildest winter Catching my death And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar That this pain would be for Evermore

Can’t not think of all the cost And the things that will be lost

The anxiety is still there, and she’s wondering if it’s worth it. She was sure it was, in the Archer, but now she isn’t anymore, she realized what she could lose, how much it would cost her. 

Oh, can we just get a pause? To be certain we'll be tall again

Can I just take time to think, to make sure that it’s still what I want, to be certain I won’t lose everything (again) if I end up doing it.

Whether weather be the frost Or the violence of the dog days I'm on waves, out being tossed

This seems to confirm that the the cold represent the closet: whether she stays frozen in the closet or she faces the violence of being out (a violence that echoes hundreds of years of oppression), she's not in full control. It’s something I’ll develop further in my analysis of Dear Reader, but at that point I think she realized that whatever she does, it’s gonna be at least in part determined by the society she lives in, its intolerance and expectations, and she understands that the closet does not have less worth, as a choice, because coming out is also something that is dictated by heteronormativity. This choice is deeply personal, either ways it’s gonna be hard, and she can finally take a decision without being afraid of “betraying” or “lying” to people. 

Is there a line that I could just go cross?

Is there a way for me to just get through with it and never have to think of it again, is there a rule I could break that would make it impossible for me to be mistaken, and for people not to understand who I am? The answer is no, whatever she does, her queerness will never be fully recognized and accepted. 

And when I was shipwrecked I thought of you  In the cracks of light  I dreamed of you  It was real enough  To get me through And I swear  You were there

I *think* she’s talking to her fans here, the ones who wouldn’t have left, had she actually come out. The end of the song is a call for hope and she actually end it up in an optimistic way.

And I was catching my breath Floors of a cabin creaking under my step

In the first chorus, she’s “catching her breath / staring”, she is the most silent possible, voluntarily and she doesn’t move, she’s watching passively. Then in the second one, she’s “barefoot in the wildest winter” you can imagine the snow, she doesn’t make a sound when she walks, and the sound of the wind is covering her anyway, she could not be loud even if she wanted to, but the focus is back on her feet, she’s in movement but it doesn’t change anything, she isn’t able to make a sound. Now, the floor is creaking under her step, she’s back home, in a cabin and she can finally walk loudly without fear or being caught. Is it because she’s finally comfortable in the (glass) closet she now lives in, or because she intends to be fully out at some point, I don’t know, but the end of this song, I think, convey the feeling that she’s safe, or that she’s going to be, at some point.

And I couldn't be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn't be for Evermore

This goes with what I said before, she ends up accepting herself and stops seeing the failed coming-out as an irreparable mistake, she understands that it’s a period of time and that the way she felt at this specific moment will eventually fade out.

[catladyblogging]

Self indulgent rant following. Can’t do the page divide thing cause I’m on mobile, sorry.

Feeling really sad about the fact I’m gonna miss Pride again this year. It’s for a great reason tbf, I’ll be on holiday, but still. I won’t be out with my friends and my boyfriend and while I know it’s just a weekend, it’s like the only one I actually want to be in the country for. It’s just getting to me and I feel stupid for that cause of the holiday plans, which will be great and I’ll really enjoy. Idk.

I think it’s largely cause this would be the first year that I’m out to my family and am dating someone who isn’t cishet. So it feels like a big step but I can’t actually make it cause I’m not there. Just feel like I’m missing out and sad I can’t spend it with him. All my own fault though, I forgot which weekend was Pride and let my friend arrange the holiday, so most definitely cannot complain given how much work she’s put into it. The theme as well is Stand By Your Trans and I literally will not be able to do that. We were kinda dating last Pride but not officially so it was a bit of a mess. So this year would be the first proper event together.

Idk, I know it’s silly. I think it’s the combo of a shit year giving me some emotional baggage I need to deal with, and delayed queer adolescence due to being closeted etc so I’ve just got some fomo going on. It’s not like there won’t be other Prides. Could even go to another event in a different county to do that together. Think it’s just the combo of the theme and being together at home that I’ll miss.

Either way, I can’t cancel the holiday so unless disaster strikes, I’ll be going. And I’ll have a great time. Can always just FaceTime quickly when he’s at the parade and wear some rainbow clothing to feel on theme.

[1kook]

right place, wrong time

— a someway, somehow jungkook drabble summary Home was Jungkook, it had always been Jungkook… but it wasn’t this Jungkook. warnings angst, heart ache, its actually kinda sad :/ lmfao, jk is a little... uh... como se dice.... jerk without realizing it.... justice for oc.... also there’s a scene where oc throws up so !! rating m wc 1.5k

notes THIS TAKES PLACE 5 YEARS BEFORE SWSH ITSELF ! OK ! enjoy <3 i wanted to try writing angst again <3 also i have no self control i said i would post this in 7 hrs yet here i am. and its not proofread <_<

When you were kids, the fact Jungkook’s birthday fell early on into the school year was a huge deal; everyone in your class was invited, both new and returning students, and the event itself was practically the opening scene to the school year itself. As you got older and he began to move away from colorfully decorated parties, his early birthday still earned him a lot of attention, had everyone at your high school congratulating him from the moment the first bell rang until the last. There weren’t any grand birthday bashes during high school, but the Jeons were a loving family, party or no party, and always got him a cake to celebrate each new year. 

Up until you left for college, you had never missed Jungkook blowing out the candles for his birthday. Be it a backyard party bustling with kids or a smaller affair at his favorite restaurant, you had always been invited, always cheered for him with each new year of life he welcomed. 

As a kid, you had always been adamant on getting the spot closest to him as you sang happy birthday, beaming at your best friend like he was your entire world. His childhood photo albums had been proof of that, filled with a chronological sequencing of every birthday he’s had with you at his side, your smiles changing with the times— from missing teeth to full of braces, you had always been at Jungkook’s side. 

As a young-adult, you had to bite down your pride and watch Sojin fulfill that spot. 

You had missed his last two birthdays since entering college. Your first year away from home, everyone you knew warned you about not going home too early into the year, something about how it would solidify your homesickness and you’d never be able to assimilate afterwards. So you had congratulated Jungkook from Taehyung’s phone screen, greatly appreciating the way Taehyung angled the phone away from Sojin as best he could. Then your second year, you had been drowning in that first wave of projects and essays, and simply couldn’t squeeze a five hour drive there and back into your schedule. Jungkook understood; there was no party this year, just a simple family dinner. The video call ended soon after you congratulated him, his attention drawn away by the voice of another woman you knew all too well. 

For his twenty-first birthday, Jungkook was adamant that you attend. He had told you about it before you had left for the new semester, bent over by the front wheels of your car, making sure everything was in tip-top shape before you went off again. His t-shirt was drenched in sweat, trails running down his hairline, over the prominent veins of his neck.“I want you there,” Jungkook had said, taking your offered hand as he stood back up. He must have miscalculated— or maybe it was on purpose —his step, because when he stepped forward, he was all too close. He didn’t let go of your hand. “Please?” 

Your eyes flickered over his chest, to his neck. He smelled like home, or at least the image of it you had created in your mind during your last two years away. Home was lavender fabric softener billowing over you in waves, the faint traces of this morning’s cologne, the subtle scent of his metallic work tools. It was his chocolate curls tickling his eyebrows, his easygoing smile, the way he pulled you closer, made the scents wash over you all over again. 

It was Jungkook. It was Jungkook. It was Jungkook and his warm touch. It was Jungkook and his softened gaze. Home was Jungkook, it had always been Jungkook… but it wasn’t this Jungkook. It wasn’t this Jungkook and the hickey on his neck. 

The sight made your stomach recoil, eyes quickly averted from the site of the crime. He had gotten here later than usual, said something about having to take Sojin somewhere first. So that’s what that meant. Jungkook, unaware of the fact the collar of his t-shirt has let you in on his private life, squeezes your hand. “You’ll come, won’t you?” 

And you were stupid and you were in love, so of course you said yes. 

It’s a cookout this year, his backyard filled to the brim with relatives and friends and so many cans of beer you don’t know what to do. His parents are ecstatic for your return, babbling on and on about how much he missed you for the last two birthdays. You take it in stride, and maybe in a different timeline you would have believed it, but not this one. Aside from greeting you at the door and taking your keys off your hands, you had barely seen the birthday boy all day. You mingle with old friends, his relatives, tentatively sip at your can of soda. You’re tired, the long drive having sapped the majority of your energy for the day. 

Sometime around sunset, you meet eyes with him across the yard. Jungkook smiles, he always smiles. You okay? he mimes with a thumbs-up, and you want to say yes, but Sojin is sitting on his lap, an obnoxiously loud display, and when he puts his hand back down, it immediately finds its home on her thigh. You send him a half-hearted shrug, play it off like you're still a little carsick from the long drive here. 

(Truthfully, you are sick, but you’re not sure it’s from the drive.) 

Even at twenty-one, his family maintains their tradition and sings him happy birthday. With your return, his mother delegates you to cake cutting duties again, so you’re on standby for the song, at his side with the cake cutter in hand. Jungkook is grinning from ear to ear, Sojin attached to his hip, his arm sling around her shoulders. His family sings and sings, and Jungkook is happy. His eyes jump around the table, taking in the sight before him the way he does every year. And when they reach you at his side, Jungkook beams, reaches for your hand beneath the table and squeezes, all the while keeping his girlfriend closely hugged to his other side. 

You cut the cake. Sojin gets her slice and promptly whisks Jungkook away. 

By ten pm, you find yourself in his upstairs bathroom puking your guts out. It’s the carsickness, you tell yourself, or maybe the cake frosting, throat gagging around nothing, tears clinging to your lash line. But is it really?

“__?” someone says, and you make a weak attempt to turn towards the door. You don’t know what you expected— had you actually wanted Jungkook to find you in this sorry state? —but it isn’t Jungkook. “Shit, what happened?” Taehyung worries, hurrying to your aid. And you’re grateful that there’s someone here to help you, to save you from yourself and your stupid, heartbroken thoughts. But it’s not the man you want it to be, and that has you squeezing your eyes shut tightly, until the mascara on your lashes imprints itself against your under eyes instead. 

The man you want bumps into you downstairs, catches Taehyung helping you into the spare bedroom to lie down. “__?” Jungkook calls out, eyes big and scared. “Where— what’s going on?” he asks, thrusting his plate into Sojin’s hands before rushing to your side. He grabs your forearm, and the touch burns, so you yank yourself away. 

Faintly, you hear Taehyung explain. “She’s sick,” he says, pulling you closer. “She’s been out of it since she first got here. I think it was the long drive.” Yes, it was the long drive, you agree. 

Jungkook, unfazed by your first recoil, reaches for your arm again. “I’ve got her,” he tells Taehyung, underestimating his strength when he tugs you closer, has you stumbling into his chest. His rough handling makes your stomach tighten, your head feel dizzy. 

“Jungkook,” you gasp, hand on his chest. “Wait— I’m—“ And he’s trying to move you back up the stairs, probably into his bedroom to lie down. But the sight of the stairs and his overwhelming scent and the hickey on his neck, the hickey Sojin left on his neck, makes you nauseous all over again. 

Taehyung yelps in your defense. “Jungkook,” he scolds, carefully maneuvering you out of Jungkook’s harm’s way. “You’re making it worse.” 

From a few feet away, Sojin calls out his name. “Jungkook?” she says and her voice is so sweet, yet so sticky; it makes you gag. “Baby, they’re calling for you outside.” 

And everyone is saying his name, so he doesn’t know where to look, doesn’t know who to prioritize, not when everyone wants his attention. He looks at you, and your heart soars for a millisecond. Then it plummets when he settles on Sojin instead. “I— you’re right, Tae,” he sighs, backing off, letting go. “You got __, right?” Taehyung nods. “Call me if anything happens.”

And he leaves, slips his hand around Sojin’s waist and guides her out the door. He doesn’t look back, doesn’t even tell you to get better soon. He just leaves. 

Taehyung lays you down, doesn’t say a word when you start crying because he probably thinks it’s about your stomach and the vomiting. “It’s okay,” he soothes, helping you out of your shoes. “Does it hurt?”

Yes, you sob. It hurts very badly.

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[geges]

how r u gonna be indigenous if ur asian ??? asia was never colonized stop appropriating terms that dont belong to u

thank you for the ask! ive been avoiding logging into tumblr for a couple days because i didnt want to deal with the incredible number of racist anons ive gotten, but this one question especially merits answering, so im breaking my “im not answering racist anons” and "log off for a bit when people are racist" rules! this one is gonna be kind of long, so it’s under a cut for the convenience of others. thank you again for your query!

ok uhm. anyways so in onmyoji i’m almost at level 59 which im super happy abt! I just hit 200 days iirc so i think thats p good progress, esp being in a v small guild w just friends. i love this guild sm but holy shit growing an acct in a tiny guild is hard. anyways . look at my sps

my pride and joy in this game is that i’ve managed to get TWO sp ubumes like. im shaking still just thinking about it. i love her so much. bt um. out of all my sps, only 1 ubume, shuten, and ootake are fullskilled it’s so bad. sp yama was my first sp and he still doesn’t have a single daruma in him…… child neglect. BUT !! i just got sp kingyo a couple days ago and im sooooooooooooo happy i love her so much shes the only sp i ever planned on sharding <3 she and kani-hime occupy my brain 24/7 theyre my daughters. my sp ren,,, he just kind of sits there honestly. being gay and whatever. miketsu sits there and activates my lesbianism but also does nothing outside of that. rn my skill plan is 12 to yama, 8 to kingyo, 12 to menreiki, and then start on my poor neglected ssrs, same priority w g6ing (ignoring the fact that i splurge g6d sp kingyo in a moment of weakness. a terrible decision but i stand by it). soul set wise,,,,,, i want to cry when i think abt their souls theyre genuinely so ugly it’s unreal. i have maybe two good souls and they just switch between whatever shiki im using at the time. i need to get off shadow souls so bad bro like literally all i use is shadow. im gonna try branching out to moving some shiki onto fortune cat, seductress, and fenikkusu, but I ,,, Dont Want To. OH ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ….. MENREIKI. so her event is going on rn, her sp JUST got released, and i got her on my 20th pull! I got a great haul this time with only 60 amus, im so happy mwah mwah rng gods kissing my forehead gently. anyways i finnaallly got a good dedicated puller, and she has a second life form!!! which fucks SO hard considering my teams main shiranui and sp ootake solely for their second forms. i love them so much theyre so fun. i cant wait to add sp menreiki into the mix in place of kamaitachi and make the most headache inducing realm raid team

but anyways. look at my ssrs.

here r my beloveds (sans ubume!). shiranui, kinnara, and enmusubi my loves <3 i will lay down my life for them. kinna, shira, orochi, and enmu are all fullskill, and once im done g6ing my sps im upgrading enmusubi and haku! those 5 r the only ones i use,, i definitely need to start using some more ssrs like menreiki, ootake, and higan, but im too poor to build them. ive had menreiki foreeeverr now, im planning on running her w dps sputen just to fuck with people, but shes completely unbuilt it’s so sad. that team is gonna be such a mess im planning on running the dps as menreiki, sputen, and shiranui. maybe kaguya and kamaitachi as supp once i shard kaguya. i will def lose most of the pvp i fight w that lineup but it wld also be so fucking funny to just bring a speeder/supp lineup that looks like a massive headache with looping but just put them on tanky slow dps builds. BUT! In the recent sp menreiki event, i got a bunch of new uncollecteds!!! i finally sharded hakuzosu (pls. pls his new skin is genuinely so…. god he deserves better), but i got ungaikyo from the frog collection scroll and miss suzuka gozen from the event scroll!! im soooo excited abt them, despite them being at the bottom of the ladder in building priority alksjflskjf. i desperately need ungaikyo to carry in a couple secret zones, but ill j have to wait a couple months until the shiki first in line are built. i dont rly have a use for suzuka atm, but i love her so much that i was gonna shard her right after kaguya :) because i have no fucking good orbers help me. but! in the event summons, i got a couple ssrs there too. uncollected was just ssr shuten, but i got dupe ibaraki, yoto-hime, and kinnara, all of which sans miss kinnara promptly got sold off to the shrine to feed hakuzosu. I have no use for double kinnara. I am building her regardless. i am in love with her

anyways im Planning on sharding kaguya and senhime. I just finished sharding haku, so i put feeding my sp yama on halt to get the lil fox boy up and running. I also rly need an orber that isnt oitsuki, so im gonna grab kaguya but im not v excited abt it. I definitely want senhime waaay moret but ,,, sadly orbs come first.

but !!!! that isnt the pride and joy of my acct !! the thing that keeps me going, the reason i wake up in the morning, the only true beauty in this world:

my ubume collection !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like i said earlier, i already have TWO sp ubumes :) so i only need 3 sr ubumes for my dream team <3. so far i have 2 sr ubumes, i just finished building the 2nd and im ready to start on the 3rd!! i have all of her available skins, im just waiting for smth holy to come down and make NE give us her golden crane skin event again so i can get that.,,, the skin makes me act up so much it’s unreal shes so fucking gorgeous like

uuuwiuifossufoisudfoiasfpodiasoiudf ma’aaaam please ma’am PLEASE,,, i am BEGGING……. . but. anyways . here is the pride and joy of my pride and joy, the shining pinnacle of my ubume collection, the best part of the best thing in my life (ignore the crit oh my god please shes in the middle of being built plesae please its so embarrassing)

ubume wisteria guardian sjade skin!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE HER SJADE!!!!!! i feel delirious it’s so unreal i always thought there was NO fucking way i was ever getting her sjade bc it’s. u know. an sjade. it costs real money and im a f2p player, not to mention incredibly broke to the point that i cldnt be p2p if i wanted. I started playing onmyoji the week before her sjade came out and im not joking bro i spent literal HOURS staring at that thing in the shop just. in so much pain that she wld never come home. however, my friend, the magnificent, wonderful, amazing, godly, kind lao ying bought her for me!!! every single day i wake up and stare at wisteria guardian ubume and light a candle in my heart for lao yings spending habits. but also wish for her eternal health and happiness bc shes genuinely too nice for this earth. like. I know i go on “waaah i love my frieenddsss” rants a lot but also WAAAHHHHH I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH….. ok ok. if i think abt those freaks(honourary) for too long i’ll start crying so um. the point was. actually i dont rmbr anymore. ubume hot <3 anyways thanks for sending the dumbest fucking question imaginable, i enjoyed infodumping abt onmyoji. please use google instead of harassing random poc, menin akmak, chong rakhmat 🙏🙏🙏

[fotiathymos]

Okay so. As I’ve said i’ve been deep diving into historical (fashion/uniforms mostly tbh) of Edo periods firefighters. Aka Hikeshi. I am not an expert and I haven’t written in a while and haven’t slept much in a couple days so uh bare with me and please correct me if you know more.

There are of course so many similarities and influences of Hikeshi and their history in Promare. I’m mostly going to just name a few very obvious ones and possibly get too into ‘thinking too much about an anime’ mode on a couple.

Looking up Edo firefighters brings a ton of articles nicknaming it ‘The city of Fires’. “ Edo (sometimes called City of Fires), was perhaps the most fire prone city in the world; there is a saying, “Fires and quarrels are the flowers of Edo, yet the greater essence is the fireman”. There were over five hundred major fires alone in the period between 1851 and 1867. “ There was a mix of reasons for the constant fires, the hot dry weather conditions, how homes were mostly built with timber and paper, the urban population growing quickly and being confined to small places, and...arson. Arson was a factor as the city was restless with their government and many people were in poverty that burning their own houses and commiting crimes as they felt they didnt have much else to lose from doing so. I honestly recommend just quickly reading the wiki article on the arsons committed during that time as many were of the fires were considered something good or positive. All of this are easy comparisons to the Promare universe, though with a fantastical twist of the Burnish being fire alien hosts.

Hikeshi (firemen) units arose to prevent the fires from spreading. Hikeshi were seen as more of a ‘gang’ and were ‘lawless’ as they didn’t obey police authorities. “ A cross between gangsters and firefighters, these men were heroes to the urban population and feared by the authorities for their lawlessness and bravado. “ They worked for the communities safety first and foremost. And Galo sure has a lot of bravado. 

As arson was a big factor in the fires, the government created a position outside of Hikeshi that was meant to capture and persecute arsonists. The arsonists punishment was to be burned at the stake. “ As a warning to the public, arrested arsonists were paraded through the city and burned at the stake. “ All this is holds very simple comparisons to how Burning Rescue and Freeze Force operate. There is a lot of tension between Ignis and Vulcan in how each organization handles these ‘fires’. The sad scary influence of this history in Promare being that those who caused the fires were to die by fire.

Galo and his Matoi is a very obvious historical refrence and the movie even explains the pride of Hikeshi spirit in Galo’s slideshow. A very simple definition of a Matoi is a flag used to notify people of a fire and to draw attention to other firemen to help put out the fire. It’s not.. a weapon in the way Galo uses it. Each unit had there own Matoi to identify themselves. There were people who were assigned as Matoi holders of each unit and would infact do what Galo does in being loud and waving the Matoi around and were very much needed and respected in their units. 

When I was looking all this up I was mostly researching different things about their uniforms and historical fashion. Looking up Matoi’s you can see how elaborate and unique they were with each Hikeshi unit.

Understandable how Galo’s Matoi was his symbol of pride and handcrafted with such love. Lio making a Matoi for him afterwards must've meant a whole lot to Galo besides the fact of Lio just even remembering what it was. Lio actually payed attention to that slideshow of Galo’s.. he must’ve!

I could talk a bit about the historical uniforms and how intricate and unique each hand embroidered and hand dyed and layer outfit was but ... that doesnt have a connection to Promare and I really do wish Galo had his own unique hand stitched uniform inspired by the Hikeshi. I just headcannon Galo has their old great grandfathers uniform that somehow survived the family’s housefire.

Hikeshi were mostly known to put out fires by destroying and collapsing the houses that were on fire. It was the best means to prevent the fires from spreading. Yet another method was used, “ a type of wooden pump operated by manpower called ryūdosui (竜吐水, "dragon spraying water") was used, but it never became a fully viable means of firefighting due to the lack of uninterrupted water supply. “ Possibly an influence for Lio’s dragon but.. dragons were a big thing in many ways in history so it could be argued that this particular instance in of ‘dragon spraying water’ is just a coincidence and didn’t make the Promare creators go ‘oh lets have a dragon for this exact reason!’.

Sooo there is many things in Promare that was directly influenced by Edo’s history. Galo’s Matoi and passion for Hikeshi being the very obvious one pointed out by the movie itself. But also the power imbalance by the government and the poorer community and how arson and playing with fire was a way to fight back against those in power and how those in power fought back with pure cruelty by turning the arsonists into ash as a warning to others.

Pomare’s creators state how Promare’s main theme is the influence of propaganda skewing facts and causing prejudices. They were focusing and more modern day issues but of course history is very similar to the present in some unfortunate ways sometimes. They may or may not have meant these particular parts of history to be similar to Promare’s plot or storyline and maybe weren’t influenced at all by these events. I just felt like sharing and this is what felt very similar and interesting to state.

If I do have anything wrong or you have more information please add on! Like I stated before I was mostly reading and looking into historical fashion with the Hikeshi when looking them up so i am definitely missing some information.

If you read this far and all this at all.. Thank!

[softboywriting]

Almost Lost You | Ex Machina | Nathan Bateman

Summary: It takes Nathan nearly dying to realize he loves you, but he needs to know you feel the same and will take some unnecessary steps to find out instead of just asking you. [TW: Blood] [Following the ending events of the film] [Light Angst] [Fluff] [New AI] [TW: Near Death Situation] [Swearing] [Sexual Innuendos] [F!ReaderxNathan] 

Word Count: 5.1k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Fear. It's not something you would think was in Nathan's repertoire of emotions. In fact in the last year you've been living at the facility and testing his AI with him, you've never even caught a hint of it. But now, you can see he is no God. He is a man. He is a man and he bleeds like a man. The terror in his eyes as he looks to you desperately behind the glass door to his bedroom is not something you would soon forget. His white sweater is staining crimson, nearly black with the contrast of the bright hall lights.

Beyond the glass, mere feet from you is the remains of Kyoko, her face torn apart, system core damaged by a blow from a weight bar. You watched it all go down, stared in horror, screaming to warn him about Kyoko approaching with the knife. He couldn't hear you behind the soundproofed door. What would have happened if you had gone out there with him? Would Kyoko have attacked you too? What about Ava? He saved your life in retrospect. Perhaps you could have stopped them both. Perhaps you'd be dead. Perhaps now you wouldn't be watching your boss, your friend, the guy you've come to care far too much about, bleed to death.

Nathan raises his hand to you, and you lay yours on the glass. He mouths something that you can't quite make out. You'll never hear him behind this door and you've no idea how to override the system and take it out of lock down. He points and you look back at the computer on the desk behind you.

"Computer?" You mouth and he nods.

He makes a sign with his hand and you suddenly are grateful he was insistent that you learn to sign the alphabet when you took the job as his assistant. It was for just such an occasion. Should one of you get locked in a room, or to communicate with him on cams when you're around the AI without speaking. He holds up three fingers. That means three words. You turn and scramble to find a sticky note and a marker on his desk before returning to the window.

You bang on the glass and he lifts his head slowly. Your heart is pounding, he's fading fast. Losing him is not an option and at this point you'd rather be in his place.

Nathan carefully spells out the code to unlock the facility. B E A M.  M E. UP. He's such a Star Trek nerd. It figures that would be his override code.

You get up and pull up the system control program and type in his passcode. Sure enough the lights return to normal and the door latch clicks open. You race from the chair, shoving the door open and sinking down beside him. "You're a fucking nerd."

"Yeah thanks." He barely chuckles. "I'm going to die."

"No you're not." You tremble as you take his hand. It's cold, he's cold all over. Skin turning pale. "Nathan, listen to me you're not going to die like this."

"Honey, we're two hours from anyone else. I'm going to die. If you move me the bleeding will get worse. I can't walk, you can't carry me."

You cup his cheek. "I'll carry you. I-I'll pick you up and we can call emergency services. Hold on just a little longer."

Nathan lays his hand on your shoulder. "You were a good assistant. I know I was a pain in the ass and I told you that you sucked. But you didn't. You're very smart. You're the best I had."

"Shut up." You're crying. "Shut up and stop being nice to me!"

"You want me to be mean?"

"No, just shut up. I want you to stop acting like you're dying."

Nathan glaces down at his torso. "I got two holes in me. I don't know what's been punctured."

"Please." You stand and look down the hall. The landline phone is in his den. "Stay here."

"I'm not moving too fast honey."

"Obviously. I'm going to call for emergency services."

"Mmm. Do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Move Kyoko and Ava before they get here. I don't need to deal with questions."

"W-what?"

"I haven't exactly gone public with the AI."

You stand and pinch the bridge of your nose. "Nathan, if I don't leave them out here the medical staff will think I stabbed you."

"And you think they will believe that a robot did it instead? No. We will say there was an intruder, they attacked me and you hid. Break the glass in the kitchen from outside and make a mess as a cover."

"Jesus fucking Christmas. Okay whatever, just shut up and stay alive okay?" He gives a weak thumbs up and you go to the den to call out for help. You're going to call emergency services and he's going to get life flighted out and he is going to live. He's going to survive if it's the last thing you do.

_____________________

Nearly a month later and Nathan finally gets to go home. You haven't been back since you left in the helicopter with him. It took three bags of blood to keep him alive long enough to get him into the hospital. The doctors said he was lucky to be alive at all and it was a miracle he made it over four hours with wounds like his. Nothing was damaged internally. That's the crazy part. Kyoko just missed his heart by a mere five millimetres. The other wound just grazed his stomach but didn't cause any irreparable damage.

You spent every day at the hospital with him. He tried to get you to go home, to leave him there but you couldn't do that, you love him too much. Without you he had no one. His parents passed years ago. No siblings. No grandparents. You're his family. It's sad.

"You know we have to go to physical therapy twice a week." You say as the helicopter flies toward the facility, trees zipping by beneath you. "That means long flights in and out."

"I know." He rests his head back on the seat. "My work is there though. I can't just relocate without it."

"I haven't been back since we left that night."

"I know."

You shift your feet against the duffel bag of stuff you've been living out of for thirty three days. "It's going to be a mess."

Nathan chuckles. "I'm going to have to get new carpet."

"Yeah."

"How good are you at home renovation?"

"Um...I painted a room once?"

He opens his eyes and looks at you. It's so nice to see that playful spark. The memory of his face, scared to death and bleeding out, it haunts your dreams. "I guess we'll learn to lay carpet together."

"You're not doing anything of the sort."

"I'll supervise."

"Nathan. Just hire someone."

"I'd have to kill them. I can't just let people in the facility."

"Nathan!"

He raises his eyebrows. "You think I'm joking?"

You shake your head. "I'll put in your stupid floor. No Hitman needed. You're ridiculous."

"Careful. I am careful."

"Oh? Careful enough to get yourself sta-"

"Hey!"

You narrow your eyes. "Speaking of which. Will you rebuild them?"

"No. I think I'll try for a male model."

"Why?"

"For you."

"For me? What the fuck do I want with a robot?"

"Companionship. Besides, I've only made females. It's time to change it up. If I'm to release them to the world someday surely people will want all options available."

"Why not make it non gendered. Just a body, no determinate features?"

"That's not fun. You'll like him. I've already picked out a name."

You roll your eyes. "Of course you have."

Nathan taps his head. "I've got all the plans laid out right here."

"Mmmhmm. Gonna make him fuckable too? Like you did the others?"

"Damn right." He licks his lip and grins at you. "I know you're curious."

You would never admit it but you are. You will definitely not be doing anything remotely sexual with the robot male. Absolutely off the table. If Nathan thinks you're gonna do anything he had best start finding a new assistant. You have put up with enough. ______________________

It takes Nathan no time to build this new AI. Everything is all at his disposal. He's made several. All it takes a few adjustments to the body forms, simple enough, some wiring changes and such. New downloads for his AI system to make them male presenting. It's all of a week of almost non stop work but by Tuesday you're being called to the lab to see his pride and joy.

You push in the door to the lab and enter the darkened entry way. It's almost midnight. You were nearly asleep when Nathan came on over the intercom system demanding you come to the lab. You wipe your eyes, sleep heavy in them. The bright blue lights blind you as you step into his work area.

"I'm here. Where are you?"

"In the back! I'm just making some adjustments!"

You wander past the tables strewn with parts and pieces and notes and diagrams. Mostly Greek to you. "I was almost asleep. This had better be g-"

Nathan steps aside and sitting on the table is another Nathan. No beard but a fine five o'clock shadow, short dark hair. If you didn't know better you'd think Nathan was pranking you with his own twin. But you do know that he is an only child. Which, how very much like Nathan to make the male in his own image. How self absorbed.

"Say hello." Nathan, the real Nathan, says as he gestures to the AI.

"Why does he look like you?"

"Who better to look like?"

You shake your head and walk up to the AI. You look closely, carefully. The hair looks real, the facial hair looks real. Like Kyoko he has skin head to toe. He's covered at the waist by a sheet and you presume Nathan is doing so as some sort of ego inflating reveal of what is probably an exact replica of his own dick. But that aside, the AI physically is flawless.

"Tell her your name." Nathan says.

"I'm Nate." The AI says with a soft smile. "Nice to meet you."

You look over at your boss. "You called him Nate? You couldn't even give him his own name?"

"He has his own name.  My name is Nathan. His is Nate."

"You're a jerk."

Nate extends his hand to you. "What is your name?"

"That's a secret." You smile slyly at Nathan and look back to Nate.

"A secret name? How intriguing. Nathan, do you know her name?"

Nathan chuckles. "Yes, but it seems she wants to keep it to herself now. Maybe you will have to earn it from her."

"Earn? Like a prize. Your name is a game?"

You giggle. "Sure. I'm going to go to bed now. I will probably see you two tomorrow?"

"Perhaps."

"Super." You say sarcastically. This is going to be interesting. You've tested his AI many times, spending hours talking with Ava and Kyoko. They were essentially the same AI in the end. This one could be different. You look back as you stand in the doorway. Nate waves to you and you see Nathan turn to look at you, giving a thumbs up. Here you go. Getting in too deep. You should have taken that desk job at the Hilton hotel.

_____________________

"Where is Nate?"

"He is in the test room." Nathan brings his glass of orange juice to his lips. "Why?"

You shrug. "Just wondering."

"Curious?"

"I suppose." You sit back and push your mostly empty breakfast plate away. "It's just weird you introduced me and then just never said anything else again. It's been a week."

Nathan raises his eyebrows. "I've been fine tuning him. Making sure all the eggs are in the basket."

"Uh huh."

"You'll see him soon enough. I've got your first date set on the calendar."

"Date? You mean my first session."

Nathan smirks. "Sure."

"I'm not dating your robot. Get fucked Nathan."

"Oh I hope to."

"Too bad your fuck toys tried to kill you so you had to decommission them."

"You assume I wouldn't fuck Nate."

"You're disgusting."

"Everyone wants to know what they fuck like. Of course I'd fuck myself."

You roll your eyes. "How conceited. By the way, no, not everyone would fuck themselves. You're disgusting. And Nate is not you."

"Isn't he though?"

"No." You push away and stand beside the table, gathering your dishes. "He might have your face but he doesn't have this fucked up brain." You tap your glass to his head and he scowls.

Nathan stands and follows you into the kitchen. "You think he's going to be better than me?"

"No one said that. I just said he isn't you. I know damn well you can't download your consciousness into an AI. So Nate might be your twin but he isn't you."

He just hums. That's it.  No more or less. Just a little hmm. It pisses you off. For some reason you're defensive of Nate and you barely know him yet. He's a robot. He's not real. Not...alive.

_____________________

"Good morning."

You sit up and rub yours eyes, vision clearing to that of Nathan sitting on the end of your bed. No. It's Nate. "What are you doing in my room?"

"Nathan sent me. He said that I should wake you up."

You glare at the camera in the corner of the room. The one Nathan claims is for security purposes only. "This is my private space. You're not welcome."

Nate looks to where you are looking. "Technically the facility belongs to Nathan and this room is borrowed by yourself."

"It's still my space. Nathan! I know you're watching! This is not okay!"

Nate stands and moves across the room to stand in front of your closet.

You get off the bed and go to the door to go find Nathan. If he thinks letting Nate roam the facility unchecked is okay, he's gone mad. None of the AI have been allowed as such except for Kyoko. Obviously we see how that ended up. "Nathan! You better show you're stupid fucking-"

Nathan steps out of the kitchen and you glare. "Did you get my messenger dove?"

"Messenger...Nate? You are serious about letting him just roam free?"

"Yep."

"Did you forget what happened with Kyoko or?"

Nathan pushes his glasses up. "I thought you'd like him to wake you up. You seem pretty taken with him."

"We've barely spoken."

"Yet you were curious about him, defending him and his unlikeness to me. Tell me, why?"

"I don't know. Get him out of my bedroom."

"Talk to him."

"No. I want to be in the test room. I've never been one on one like this besides Kyoko. It's weird and I don't feel safe."

"I promise he is safe. Touch him, talk to him. Seriously, I want to run this experiment differently than the others."

You look down the hall to your bedroom door that's wide open. "What if something happens?"

"Nothing will happen. Go on. I promise he isn't going to hurt you."

You swallow harshly. That's what you're precisely afraid of. Nate could easily overpower you and who knows how strong he is. You take a deep breath and head back to your room. This is what you signed up for. This is your job.

_____________________

"Where were you born?" Nate asks you when you walk in the bedroom.

"Um, I was born here in Alaska."

Nate walks beside your bed and you take a seat awkwardly. "I don't know where I was born."

"You weren't born. You were made. Here, by Nathan."

"Oh, yes. I suppose it's strange to think of being made and not born. What should I call you? I still do not know your name. Nathan would not tell me."

"Whatever you like. I’m still going to keep my name a secret. Names hold too much power."

"Kitten." Nate looks proud of himself. "I will call you Kitten."

You can't help the little chuckle that comes out. "Why Kitten?"

"I don't know. I just chose a random name from pet names I found in a Blue Book search just now."

"Alright. I'll take it."

Nate sits beside you. "Do I look like Nathan?"

"Yes."

"I thought I might. I've not seen myself in a mirror yet."

You stand and grab Nate's hand. It's surprisingly warm to the touch. "Come with me." You take him to your bathroom and stand in front of the mirror. "That's you."

Nate leans in and turns his head side to side. "Am I handsome?"

You cannot stifle the giggle that bubbles out. "Yeah, you're pretty handsome."

"Are you attracted to Nathan?"

"In a way I suppose yes."

"In a way? Does that mean you are only attracted to part of him?"

You sit on the toilet seat and sigh. "It's hard to explain. Nathan is visually attractive to me, and mentally. His intellect is outstanding and I'm fascinated by his brain."

"But?"

"But...he can be harsh. He can be cold and unyielding and stubborn. He is difficult oftentimes. I think he struggles to express himself."

Nate looks at you, staring to the point you feel uneasy.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"You are beautiful."

"Oh. Thanks?"

"You are welcome but it was not a favor. No need for thanking."

"How does a robot gauge beauty? Are you programmed to find me attractive?"

Nate shakes his head and stares at the shower stall behind you. "I do not know. I am not aware of all of my programming. Nathan has restricted access to much of my coding."

"Interesting. Well, I’m going to shower. You can go away and do whatever Nathan wants you to do."

"I will wait."

"Wait? For me?"

"Yes. Nathan wants me to accompany you while he works. So I will wait for you to finish."

"Wait in the bedroom then."

"Okay. Should I pick out some clothes for you?"

"N-no. I will do that."

Nate nods and goes out the door.

You lean against the wall and sigh. This is so strange. If Nathan wants him to pass the Turing Test he is flying through it. You've not spoken to him very long but it's hard to grasp that he's not a person. He's not alive technically. And what's with Nathan hiding his coding? What's that about? Ava and Kyoko knew how they were made and how they accessed information. Why would he keep things from Nate?

_____________________

"So, how's Nate?" Nathan asks over dinner two days later.

You haven't spoken to him since he had Nate wake you up. You assume he's been in his lab or in the office observing you and Nate. There is no doubt he's done that actually. Every moment you spend with Nate is a session, part of the experiment.

"He's good." You say softly. "May be your best work yet."

"Oh? I sorted out those bugs from Ava then?"

"Mmmhmm." You sip your wine and he smirks. "It's hard to tell he isn't a person."

Nathan hums approvingly. "He has already passed?"

"Yeah, I'd like to say so. I have a question though."

"Shoot."

"Why are you restricting his coding? Why isn't he able to access his programming details?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The first day he told me I was beautiful. Now, he's a robot and doesn't have a type or anything without it being hardwired into him. So I asked him if you programmed him to be attracted to me and he could not tell me."

"He lied." Nathan leans back on his chair. "Day one and he already lies like a human. That's incredible."

You narrow your eyes. "Sounds fishy. Maybe his progress should be monitored within the contained setting then. How long before he gets out? Before he decides to take a stroll in the woods and never comes back?"

"You're worried about him leaving?"

"It could happen right?"

"Yes, in theory, but I've programmed him not to want to do so."

"I don't understand why you made him at all. He says he is meant to accompany me while you work, but I am your assistant. I'm supposed to be with you, not your robot."

Nathan leans forward, elbows braced on the table. "I made him because I want to test him in a different setting than we had Ava. I think that's what drove her to revolt."

"You trap and piss off anything with sentience in a box long enough it will snap. How long before Nate realizes the whole facility is a box he's trapped in?"

"There you go worrying about him leaving. Why?"

"Because! He could be dangerous!"

Nathan shakes his head. "No you're worried about him escaping because you like him. You like him don't you?"

"Of course I like him. He's an incredible piece of technology that-"

"No." Nathan holds his hand up. "You have feelings for him."

"Absolutely not. He isn’t a person."

"Mmm. Your eyes give away everything."

You glare at him. "What do they give away now?"

"I'm getting a real fuck you vibe."

"Nailed it."

He chuckles. "Don't worry. I've collected most of the information I need. I'll put Nate away before we get to the point of him wanting to escape."

"What? Why?"

"I can't have a man with my face running around forever. He's a prototype like the rest."

"Oh."

"Don't be so surprised, Honey. You're giving away your true feelings again."

"Fuck you."

"Is that an offer?"

"Shut up." ______________________

The day Nathan comes to your room and takes Nate you realize that he is jealous of his own creation.

You and Nate had been laying on the bed talking as you usually did after you cleaned, scheduled appointments and played housekeeper all day. It was a normal conversation about your life and how you grew up and where and what school was like, but then Nate asked to try something new. That new thing happened to be kissing. At first you thought it was strange, to be kissing something not technically human. But then you found you liked it. His lips were soft, plush, and warm. He felt like any other guy you had kissed before. Then you realized those were Nathan's lips. Nathan's hands on your hip and cradling your cheek. That thought was both conflicting and arousing. So you went deeper, kissing him back, putting your hand in his hair, aching for more. If Nathan wanted this he wouldn’t have put it in Nate’s programming right?

Suddenly Nate was being pulled away from you, and you could see Nathan at the end of the bed holding his creation as he powered down. It was then you realized he was jealous of Nate. The way Nathan said nothing, just looked irritated, the words were all there. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want Nate to touch you like this.

After that everything began to make sense. Nathan made Nate in his image to test your attraction to him. He hid the coding because he programmed his own attraction to you into Nate. This has been an experiment but not for the progression of AI. It's been an experiment for Nathan to gauge if you like him more than an employee employer relationship. He is so stupid. He really didn’t see how much you care for him.

Just hours after Nathan took Nate from you, you find yourself outside the lab. The door is locked so you know Nathan is inside. He always hides in there. You type in your door code to override the lock.  

"System override failed."

You scan your ID card.

"User not permitted."

"Nathan! I know you're in there!" You lean your head on the door. "We need to talk!"

He doesn't hear you. Of course he doesn't. The idiot genius soundproofed everything. You look to the camera and wave at it. There's a chance he has up the camera feed at the desk.

No response.

"If you wanted to ask me out you didn't have to make a fucking robot to do it!"

The door clicks behind you and you press in to open it. Inside is Nathan parked at his computer, eyes glued to the screen while his fingers go a mile a minute.

"You heard me and you know it."

"What do you want? I'm busy."

"Why did you take Nate?"

Nathan doesn’t look away but you can tell he has an eyebrow quirked up. "Take him? I told you I would be putting him away soon. I got what I needed."

You walk around in front of his computer monitors and he flicks his eyes up for just a moment. "What was it you needed?"

"Data. I collected what I needed. You were very helpful. Good job." He sounds so sarcastic it's sickening. "What did you really come here for?"

You sigh. "Nathan, do you like me?"

"Of course I like you. I wouldn't have hired you and let you into my facility if I didn't."

"That isn't what I mean."

He sighs irritably.

"Use your words genius."

"Go away."

"No. I want answers. Why did you make Nate look like you? Why did you make him attracted to me? Why did you hide his coding so he couldn't tell me if he was programmed to do or say certain things? Why did you bust in when he kissed me?"

"I told you! I needed to collect data! I got what I needed!"

"Data for what?! For what, Nathan?!"

He pushes away from the desk and stands, eyes locked on yours. "For me!"

You fold your arms over your chest. "Answer the questions then. Do you like me? More than your assistant. Do you enjoy my company and are you attracted to me?"

"Yes, yes to all of the fucking above." He clenches his jaw. "There. Happy?"

"Not really. I don't exactly understand why you had to go through all this shit to admit that or bring it up. I watched you dying just over a month and a half ago and I-" your voice stops as your emotions get the best of you. Your chest tightens up and you can't breathe. "I stayed in that hospital every day with you."

"I know."

"I had nightmares every fucking night because of you." You're crying, shaking, hands clenched in your shirt. "I would wake up and lay my hand on your chest to make sure you were breathing because I was so fucking scared of losing you."

Nathan swallows hard. "I know."

"After all that, you had to make an AI to find out if I am attracted to you? To find out that I care about you?"

"I just- I thought you might just have felt compelled to do all of that because of your job."

"My job?! Nathan! You may be a genius but fuck you are moron when it comes to reading people! If I just cared about the job I would have fucking left. I wouldn't have lived in a hospital room for thirty three fucking days if I didn't love you."

Nathan stares over his glasses and it's not condescending at all. In fact he looks floored, bewildered by your words. "You love me?"

"Yes." You walk around the desk and stand in front of him only inches away. "I love you and I'm attracted to you and I want to be here with you as more than your assistant. Nate really solidified that for me because when he kissed me all I could think about was you, all I could imagine was your hands and your lips. Which they kind of were but-"

Nathan grabs your face, hands cradling your cheeks and pulls you in for a kiss. "Couldn't stand seeing him kiss you."

"So you were jealous?"

He licks into your mouth and you let out a soft moan. He kisses far better than Nate, but you suppose it's because he is human with actual experience. "Never thought I could be jealous of my own creation. I knew I couldn't let him fuck you and if things kept going the way they were, well..."

"That wouldn't have happened."

Nathan chuckles deeply. "Oh I think you would have been convinced. You let him kiss you after all and you were getting very into it."

"Sure you didn't wanna see that? Watch your own likeness fuck me?"

"So you would have done it? Would have gotten off on knowing I watched?" He slides his hands up your back and pulls you to his chest. "You're kinkier than I thought."

You roll your eyes. "And you're a narcissist."

"Maybe. But you like it."

"I like most things about you, even your insufferable ego, but I don't know if narcissism is one of the things I like."

"Mmm. Tell me, would you be up for some fun with Nate? You me and him?"

"Nathan! Jesus Christ I tell you I love you and you want a threesome?!"

He laughs. "I'm joking. I love you too by the way. You really wormed your way into my heart and made a little nest." He runs his hand through your hair. "My kitten."

"Wait... that's what Nate called me because I wouldn't give him my name."

"I know."

"But he said he picked it at random."

"No. I programmed him to call you that. It's my favorite nickname." He leans in and kisses your nose. "You seemed to like it."

"I do."

"Then I'll keep it. I like it better than honey or sweetheart." He presses his head to yours and you stare back at him, his eyes such a beautiful amber brown. "Thank you by the way."

"For what?"

"For saving my life. I never thanked you. If you hadn't been there I would have died."

You wrap your arms around his back and grip his shoulders. "If you hadn't locked me in the office we both would be dead."

"I don't think so. You would have been able to warn me about Kyoko. I was outnumbered without you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to watch that all happen." Nathan presses a hard kiss to your forehead and his beard tickles your nose. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Even though I'm difficult and horrible at reading people?"

"Even though you're difficult, horrible at reading people, terrible at socializing and far too egotistical for your own good. You have my heart."

He smiles softly and you think you might melt. "I'll take good care of it. I promise."

"Good. I'm trusting you."

"And I'm trusting you. Finally."

End

-----------

Header by delicate-venus

Thank you for reading. Please reblog if you read or are going to read! Thank you! - A

[chaosmax]

On the whole “does Kaiba die / stay or get stuck in the afterlife?” thing

I never thought Kaiba doesn't get back from the ending of DSoD. Yeah, I know there was the ~untested~ tech that was mentioned but honestly it seemed more like a line thrown in for possible sequel bait or just for the sake of open-endedness/vauge storytelling style a la many Japanese story telling (re: my essay on that). 

And from a character point, no, I don't think there's any way in hell that Seto would gamble the chances of permanently orphaning Mokuba again. No matter how much tunnel vision he got for his goal (and no matter how grieved he was. And I hate it that people spin it to pit the headcanoned romantic love between him and Atem against his canonical love of Mokuba and it's the possible and unconfirmed romo love that “wins”. 

[I am NOT trying to bash on pride here, I actually quite enjoy that ship when work is put into it and all the nuance and complexity isn't sucked out of it for quick hurt/comfort or just turned into a glorified/romanticized toxic love horny fest]. But even if it was confirmed canon, stop pitting romo love against platonic love and have one come out as the "winner" mmkay? There's already enough damaging amatonormativity ingrained in society ok thanks.

Grief makes you do wild things, sure and everyone reacts to grief differently. But Seto has never been a gambler and I don't think after all the character development he's been though he would risk his relationship with Mokuba like that (this is taking consideration of how technically this is the manga continuity Kaiba who has done Death T and all that and messed up pretty bad with Mokuba before). I just don't think he'd run off to see/challenge/get closure from Atem and ditch his precious little brother behind with great odds that he would never see him again. Not after all the times he’s put his life on the line to protect Mokuba.

I've always thought he comes back. It just may have a cost and may not be a straight shot there and back. I think the ~untested~ tech means he doesn't know how long it will take or how much stress it puts on the user, a la the purple particles eating away at Kaiba in the post credit scene that seem to be threatening to send him back to his own dimension (again DIMENSION it's not a time machine). No, I don't think it's anything crazy like YEARS pass before he gets back. I think a couple of weeks at most. And no, I don't think Mokuba was crying and begging Seto to not have this goal in the first place. Mokuba is quite gung-ho the entire movie about getting and defending the puzzle. Hell, he headbutts Diva off the puzzle container when Mokuba had no way to know if he'd land safely or just die. He interrogates Diva to try and get the puzzle piece. He closes up the shop for Yugi and says a happy hi before the tournament. That seems far from someone who wants Seto to just let it go.

This is a bit more on the speculation side for canon hates digging into Mokuba’s feelings much sadly, but I think Mokuba has his own sense of unfinished business with Atem as well which plays a part in his motivation to help this goal. Atem is also someone he had bonded with on some level. He and Yugi were one of the first people to help him, ever, that wasn't Seto. They aided him in Duelist Kingdom. Then again in the Legendary Heroes arc when he had no one else to turn too. He seemed so...surprised in both cases. Clearly someone who's not used to being able to ask for help, much like Seto. 

But now this person is gone. One of the few people Mokuba felt he could go to if he had a problem or needed to ask for help. I can easily see Mokuba thinking, “how come he cared enough to help me all those times but not say goodbye?” (though again, we don’t know exactly what happened there, if the Kaiba brothers were unable to contact or of the main crew literally just didn’t call them up, so I’m in no way trying to assign blame here, but I could see how this is how Mokuba would see it and feel about it).

 I think Mokuba misses him too, or at the very least misses him as someone he can depend on and place his trust in. The following may be a bit of a stretch on evidence for I don't know who writes the lines for Duel Links, but if you challenge Yami Yugi as DSOD Mokuba and win, his expression is sad, saying, “You thought you could run from Seto without one last Duel?" I think Mokuba certainly sees the departure hurt Seto, but I also think it hurt him. I think he’s also trying to say, ‘You thought you could run from us without saying bye?’

So no, I don't think Kaiba runs off to Atem's afterlife forever for whatever reason ship or no ship and ditches everyone and everything (don’t forget KC and Kaibaland, his life’s dream pride and joy) behind in the living dimension. I don't think he fails to get back. While the prospect of something going wrong or the tech failing is an immensely interesting fic/AU/etc idea to play around with or such because of the added mysteriousness (or because it's edgy and dark or whatnot I feel like that’s how the theory Kaiba dies really gained it’s first traction lol) I don't think that's what happened. I think it may take some more time than expected, perhaps have some magical cost that the soft magic system didn't really specify (such as having a set number of uses or something until whatever remnant power in the cube runs out, be physically straining, etc.) 

But I will never believe Seto gambled the chance of possibly orphaning Mokuba. That's my interpretation.

____

[Note: I’m not here to argue, of course you can have a different headcanon or reading of the events to DSoD, these are just my thoughts, with the textual evidence to back up my thought process.]

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)

The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme.

genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut  words: 2.2k

a/n: and here we are at the end, tbh im a little sad this fic is over, it was so fun to write and i am DEFINITELY more in love with Atsumu than i was before

one | two | three | four | five |

Epilogue 

Four years have passed since you and Atsumu finally got together, and this is the third year in a row he has an away game scheduled on your anniversary. It’s hard for you to actually be mad, he can’t control his schedule. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed.

And Atsumu hates that he’s let you down again. Wanting more than anything to finally spend your actual anniversary together instead of substituting for an early or late celebration. You’re a good sport, and he loves you for that, supporting him and his volleyball career without complaint despite his long absences and track record of missing important events.

Though the night before he’s set to leave, you’re sitting beside him on the couch, tucked under his arm while the two of you watch something on the TV. For the past few minutes, you’ve been fiddling with his shirt between your fingers and he knows you’re gathering the courage to say something. He’s pretty certain he can guess what it’ll be about too. And all he can do is brace himself when he hears you huff.

“What if you mysteriously came down with something?” You finally say.

He has to laugh at that. “That’s pretty diabolical of you.”

You shrug, already feeling silly you brought it up at all. It’s not really a big deal, but it’s been three years since either of you were even in the same country on the day you swallowed your pride and stormed into his dorm room to confess to him. Sue you for being a bit put out by it.

“Did you poison my dinner or something?” His heart lifts at the small chuckle he gets out of you from that.

“No, but don’t give me any ideas.”

He rests his cheek on the top of your head, eyes still on the TV as he jokes, “Besides, ya think they have any chance of winning without me?”

He feels your smile against his chest, then jolts at the jab you give him in the side. But still you say, “They’d be nothing without you.”

Pulling you into his lap, he cradles your face in his hands and looks at you seriously. And even after four years, you’ve never gotten tired of the way he looks at you—still like you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on.

“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I know it sucks.”

“It does,” you pout.

Pressing his forehead to yours he murmurs, “I’d be with you if I could.”

You love these intimate moments with him, when you both let your teasing natures fall away and all that’s left is how much you love each other. Even after four years, it’s still abundant, and somehow still growing every day. So, you sink into his embrace and reply, “I know.” And you do. That’s what makes it bearable. Knowing that even though he’s off in some exciting country, playing the game he loves—there isn’t a minute that goes by that he doesn’t think about you.

“You gunna watch the game?”

It so happens that this year, his game landed on the exact date of your anniversary. When he’d found out, he’d vowed to make you proud; to make him being away so often worth it to you. And it makes his heart swell when you say without hesitation, “Of course.”

So, a couple days later as he’s about to leave for the airport, he tugs you to him, lowers his lips to yours and kisses you as if he’s going off to war or something. He knows it’s a bit overkill, but he doesn’t really care. He wants to do everything he can to make it up to you. And damn, is he slapped in the face with how much he loves you when you finally separate and you tease him, “Sheesh, you’ll be back in a couple days.”

His response is to kiss you again and again muttering between kisses, “Gotta get my fill now to tide me over.”

He only leaves when you’re practically shoving him out the door. “You’re going to be late!” He reluctantly let’s go of you, hefts his duffel over his shoulder, takes his suitcase in hand and heads down the hallway towards the elevator. On his way there, you shout, “Say hi to the boys for me!”

He smiles smugly, winking over his shoulder at you. “Will do.” Knowing full well his teammates are extremely jealous of him because of you. And why yes—he absolutely does love rubbing you in their faces.

Once he’s out of sight, your smile falters as you shut the door and turn to your now empty apartment. A sadness falls over your heart that’s familiar but unwelcome. You have to find something to distract yourself, otherwise you’ll just let yourself wallow, which you know Atsumu wouldn’t want.

On the night of your anniversary, you eat dinner at Osamu’s restaurant as you normally do on the nights of Atsumu’s away games. You sit at the bar alone, watching the game on the many TV’s around that Osamu always has on the sports channel when Atsumu is playing. Tonight, you notice Osamu chats with you more than he normally does, and you’re certain he’s picked up on your somber vibes.

He even sits at the bar next to you, talking with you about the game and doing an excellent job of distracting you from the hole Atsumu always leaves whenever he’s gone. Tonight, that hole feels even bigger than it usually does.

���He’s playing good tonight,” Osamu notes, his trained eyes fixated on the TV. No matter how many games you watch, or how often Atsumu talks about volleyball, you’ll never have the same understanding of the game that Osamu does.

Chin resting on your palm, you glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Is he?” To you, it always looks like Atsumu is playing well.

But you like listening to Osamu’s technical breakdown of his gameplay and aren’t opposed to helping his endeavor of distracting you. “He’s tuned in,” is all he says by way of explanation.

You watch the TV with newfound interest, noticing that Osamu seems to be right. Atsumu is normally pretty focused, but tonight whenever the camera shows a closeup of him, the look in his eyes is razor sharp. And yet, he’s still making those insane plays that catch his opponents completely off guard. You can feel your pride bubbling up in your chest like it does every time you watch him play, quirking your lips upward into a small smile.

You love how much Atsumu loves volleyball, and whenever you can you go to his games here in Japan because watching him on TV is nothing compared to in person. Plus, it’s way more fun getting swept up into his arms in the heat of the moment after a win than several days later when the excitement has died a little.

You watch Atsumu the rest of the game, noting how the closer they get to match point, the more tenacious he becomes. But unlike other times, when he gets too excited and starts making insane plays that might not work, he seems to be dialing in even further, pulling the best out of all of his hitters even when they’re at the end of their rope. You at least know enough about volleyball to appreciate just how amazing that is.

To your delight, the Black Jackals win, and as usual several of the players get interviewed afterwards. Somehow, Hinata and Bokuto are still full of energy despite playing a full match, speaking excitedly to the interviewer. The coverage switches to Atsumu’s interview, and you can’t help ogling him a little bit. He somehow manages to look good, his hair damp from sweat but eyes gleaming from the adrenaline of the match.

And as you suspect, like Hinata and Bokuto, he’s pretty amped after the game. Amped enough that he completely ignores the interviewer’s questions and looks right at the camera. Immediately, you’re struck by the feeling that he’s looking directly at you. “I’ve only got one thing to say and that’s happy anniversary to the lovely lady I got waiting for me at home.”

The interviewer flusters, changing gears quickly and trying to get Atsumu to comment more on his relationship, but all he does is give the camera his signature smile and a wink before turning his back to the screen and rejoining his celebrating teammates. You don’t hear what the interviewer says next. You’re pinned to your seat, stunned, until your natural reaction is to burst out laughing at his proclamation.

Osamu just eyes you curiously, a small smile splaying across his lips as you say, “Only Atsumu—I swear.”

He shrugs. “Hey, you picked him.”

“Yes,” you laugh. “Yes, I did.” And you really wouldn’t have it any other way, no matter how long or how many times he’s apart from you.  

You leave shortly after the coverage of the game has ended, bidding Osamu goodnight and thanking him for his company and hospitality. He waves you out, and once you’re on your way home, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the loneliness you’ve successfully kept at bay until now. The thought of climbing into a cold bed that feels too big when Atsumu’s not there settles into the front of your mind and it’s hard not to spiral into the sadness that’s been looming over you all day.

You sigh, wrapping your coat tighter around you, trudging towards your apartment that you know is going to suffocate you with its silence. You know it’s pretty pathetic missing him so much, feeling sorry for yourself that you’re alone once again on this day, but you can’t help it. The hope that next year will be different is nearly gone by now, your determination to refuse to accept it finally broken.

Entering the dark apartment, you toss your keys onto the counter and make your way to the living room, fully intending on spending the rest of the night mindlessly watching some TV show until you fall asleep. Subconsciously, your thoughts wander to what Atsumu is doing right now. The team usually goes out after games, especially ones they win. And it’ll be a day or two until they leave wherever they’re at, so they have plenty of time.

Part of you aches at the thought of him out, having a good time with his team, while you’re here—alone, watching some lame TV show and feeling sorry for yourself.

What you don’t know, is that Atsumu has forgone the celebration tonight. In fact, he’s rushing to the airport to catch his late flight back to Japan. He booked this flight the day after he found out he was going to be gone again. He might not make it back in time to be there on the actual date, but he hopes the gesture is enough.

On the flight, he thinks about your reaction, imagining your laugh and beaming smile at the sight of him. Daydreaming about sweeping you up into his arms and kissing you until you’re both breathless and dizzy keeps him awake, though he doubts you’ll be when he arrives. That’s alright, he perfectly happy surprising you in the morning too.

He gets back to Japan in the early hours of the morning, and when he enters the apartment, he finds you fast asleep under a blanket on the couch, the TV casting a faint glow into the room. He smiles softly to himself, allowing himself a minute to appreciate how adorable you look. Leaning down, he finagles his arms beneath your shoulders and legs and hefts you into his arms to carry you to the bedroom. To his surprise, you don’t wake up. Instead, you mumble quietly, and his heart nearly bursts at how even in your sleep you press closer to him.

Tucking you in, he kisses you lightly on the forehead before climbing under the covers beside you. Pulling you into his arms, you fit nicely in his embrace, and he falls into an easy sleep.

~

In the morning, your eyes flutter open, blearily looking around and realizing you’re now in the bedroom. When did you move in here? Did you put yourself to bed last night without realizing it? It’s then that your eyes snap open at the realization that the apartment smells like breakfast. Heart thundering against your chest, you throw the covers off you and head towards the kitchen so fast you almost trip in the hallway.

Upon seeing Atsumu standing at the stove, his back to you, it’s hard to keep your feet under you. And without your permission, tears well up in your eyes so fast that a few drops are already sliding down your cheeks. You sniff to try and get a hold of yourself, which gets Atsumu’s attention.

He whips around to find you standing at the entryway of the hallway with tears streaking down your face and immediately his heart softens. “Happy anniversary, love,” he says by way of greeting.

You can’t stop yourself; your feet move before your brain can catch up with them, throwing yourself into his open arms. He squeezes you tight, and then your lips are on his, your fingers tangling into his hair pulling him closer as you slot your body against his. He can’t help chuckling at you, despite thoroughly enjoying this reaction to his surprise.

“I’m trying to cook breakfast,” he says between kisses.

You don’t think he’ll be very hard to convince to abandon the eggs on the stove. With one hand, you turn the burner off. “Don’t care,” you say, pushing him back towards the bedroom.

He happily obliges.

~

taglist:  @apollochjld @kurosarium @vicassa @carbs-need-more-love @underratedmage @idek-at-thispoint @wtfeverbrandi @food8me @yikes-buddy @ntimacy @nyxiie @oikawasbooty @chocolate3010 @sugawarabby @greenyiplier @kritiiiii @tokyosdawn @youstydiaa @h3llok1ttygirl @honeyapplepi @iminlovewhaikyuu @moonlightaangel @tetrapot-melon-tea @putmeinyourdeathnote @fireworkemoji102 @angrylittleriri @anime-simp @hxked @silverwhare @grandfestivalalienlight @waitforitillwritemywayout @tendo-sxtori @plxstic-rose @hqissodelicate @unknownloving @cielhidalgo @mattsunsoswag @yoitsseulgi @whenyouscream @cereal-kileeeeer @jackadlersstuff @oopsliales @sssjuico10 

[alpacaparkaseok]

Lost & Found - 16

Pairing: Park Jimin x soulmate (oc)

Warnings: fluff, me feeling sad because THIS IS THE EEEEND

Word Count: 3.9k

a/n: there will be an epilogue coming out on Friday, (FROM CHRISTINA’S POV!!) however other than that, this is the end of Lost & Found everyone! I just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you that have been so involved with this story. I feel like I’ve gotten to see so much of you guys interacting with this story and loving it just as much as I do. I’ve loved your theories and seeing your reactions (lol, some of them were hilarious). This story is...I don’t even know how to explain it. I put a little bit of myself into every story I write, but this is one of those that really made me do some digging. It still is. It was hard to write most of the time. But it was so, so worth it. 

I would LOVE (as always) to hear from you about your thoughts. Who your fav characters were, favorite parts, thoughts on the ending, thoughts on side ships (lol Christina and Tae!) and of course, I’m more than happy to answer any questions! Thank you again for reading, and enjoy!

Chapter 16. I’m Proud of You

series masterlist

The sound of rain battering on the roof of the shop creates a false sense of security. The ambience created by the repeated sound against the tin out in the alleyway lulls me into a dreamlike state.

           Jimin appears to be in a similar mindset, leaning against the worktable and watching with glazed eyes as I knead the dough to a rhythm I pick out in the rainfall.

           “What’s the next question?”

           Jimin inhales deeply, eyes drifting to the appear hanging loosely in his hands. “Um…how do you plan on coping with a life in the spotlight?”

           Jimin and I have been at the sweet-bread shop for the past couple of hours, trying to make up for all the days I missed from work. Yuri allowed for us to come in today much later than normal due to Jimin’s schedule in the morning.

           Last night I’d glanced through the lengthy list of questions with Jimin and Chung-hei. I’d nearly cried from relief when I found out that she would also be joining in on the interview. Apparently Bighit thought that selling the idea of two close friends at the soulmates for two of their idols might prove to be comforting for the fans.

           “I plan on baking a lot of bread,” I respond with a smirk, spreading the dough in a pan and heading toward the large oven on the far side of the room. On the way I prop the back door open just a crack, allowing a bit of air in now that the back will be heating up with baking bread. The sound of rain grows louder, the strong smell flooding the kitchen.

           Jimin chuckles, nodding along. “And texting your friend Jaemin?”

           “Obviously.” Once everything looks good to go, I set a timer and check the time. It’s pushing eight in the evening, and the rain has yet to let up at all. “Ok, that’ll bake for thirty minutes.” I go to join Jimin beside the worktable, beginning to wipe it down.

           “Next…something that’s surprised you so far?”

           The thread now extends nearly twenty feet, which the soulmate specialist we met with last night predicted would happen. “At this rate,” he’d said, “Everything should be back to normal within five days or so.”

           Normal.

           What does that even mean anymore?

           “You.” I keep my eyes on the table, trying to scoop up as much flour as I can. “You’ve been the biggest surprise so far.”

           Jimin lowers the paper, watching my movements as I dispose of the flour before spraying some disinfectant and continuing to clean.

           “Explain that, please.” Jimin effortlessly assumes the role of interviewer. I chew on my cheek, grinning when Jimin takes up a spot on the opposite side of the table and motions for the cloth.

           I slide it toward him, watching as he begins to clean the other side. “Well… I think we’re becoming friends. Good friends.” My absentminded smile grows as I recall the events of last night.

           By the time we’d finished the meeting with Bang PD, we’d barely had enough time to breathe before launching ourselves into another flurry of meetings. All designed to prepare me for the possible pitfalls of this sudden interview.

           When we’d finally made it back to the house, Elle was cranky at not seeing either of us all day and I was bordering on a mental breakdown.

           In the quiet of the living room, Jimin had sat on the edge of my couch-turned-bed and tucked me in.

           “Take your pick,” he’d whispered, unfolding the blanket. “Burrito or lasagna.”

           My startled laugh sounded loud in the quiet house. “What’s the difference?”

           With some sort of reverenced adoration, I listened to my soulmate explain the lasagna method (piling several layers of blankets on top of the victim/person), versus the burrito method (one blanket, snugly tucked in).

           Laid there on the couch, gazing up at Jimin, I understood why I hadn’t fought against the interview.

           I cared. It was a devastatingly simple and perhaps a little lackluster revelation, but I cared about him.

           Jimin looks up at me now from the opposite end of the worktable with a crooked smile. “Are you friend-zoning me?”

           My eyes fall to that smile, wondering what it might feel like to reach out and trace the little divots it creates in his cheeks.

           “…no.”

           After his marvelous explanation of the difference in the lasagna and burrito methods, I’d chosen burrito.

           Jimin had leapt up off the couch and draped the blanket over my body. I laughed when it covered my face, and Jimin chuckled nervously when he pulled it down.

           “Sorry,” he mumbled. “This is a hazardous line of work at times.”

           Beginning at my toes and working his way up, Jimin had meticulously tucked me in. I’d stifled a laugh when he brushed up against my sides, a knowing smile gracing his lips before he quietly instructed, “Arms up.”

           Rather than finishing the job quickly, Jimin took his time. Gently straightening the hem of the blanket and taking my hands in his before guiding them to rest atop the blanket.

           He took a moment to study me, the only source of light coming from the kitchen. A little light had been left on above the stove, but I didn’t mind; not when it illuminated the way he was looking at me.

           Resting on the edge of the couch, Jimin looked like an ordinary man.

           His black t-shirt looked a little wrinkled, and his eyes were tired. He ran a hand through his hair, looking at the other couch.

           “I’m proud of you.”

           Despite the utter silence in the room, I wondered if I heard him correctly. “Hm?”

           His lips turned down in a frown of concentration as Jimin swam in his thoughts. “I think you deserve to hear it.”

           I stared at him like he had suddenly transformed into a werewolf. “I…I don’t think…”

           At my tone of doubt, Jimin returned his focus on me, surprised to see that I didn’t believe him.

           Maybe you aren’t proud of yourself,” he whispered quietly, as though sharing a secret. “But for now, I hope that this is enough.” He reached out to wipe a stray tear from my cheek, quickly followed by another. “You’ve been so brave, and I’m so proud of you.”

           For unknown minutes after, all was silent. Jimin stayed, fingers caressing my cheeks as the tears continued to flow. I had clung to his wrist, unable to verbally convey what was caught in my throat as he continued to look at me with so much pride.

           I don’t deserve you.

           But I will do my best to love you in the way you deserve.

✂

    ��      The rain lets up not long after the bread comes out of the oven, although Jimin is nowhere near the end of the questions. He continues asking them as he and Jolie head out to the car waiting for them, Sunmi greeting them with a cheery wave.

           He watches with a forgotten smile as his soulmate interacts with her friend. Jolie laughs at something Sunmi says, her eyes alight with some sort bittersweet emotion. Jimin is beginning to understand what that look means.

           Last night, he’d seen the way she was doubting herself. If he was honest, he’d been doubting himself, as well. This interview was going to be high pressure. He didn’t want to admit it, but this interview would largely decide how people viewed his soulmate.

           Yet, Jolie didn’t complain. She didn’t say a single thing expressing her doubt or worry. Instead, he watched on with amazement and admiration as she powered through the meetings. Steeling herself against the worst.

           There had been a moment, as Jimin tucked his soulmate in after explaining the different methods (he’d come up with the lasagna method on the spot, but she didn’t need to know that), that he realized why he’d been feeling so odd all day. Like something about Jolie was so familiar, allowing him to fall into an easy rhythm with someone who should have been one of the last he would trust so readily.

           She reminded him of, well…himself.

           Jolie was cut from the same cloth that he was. That younger Jimin of the trainee days, trying so hard to be brave but still quick to make rash decisions that he later came to regret with his whole being. Quick to doubt, quick to love.

           Somehow, that’s who Jimin saw as he sat perched on the edge of the couch. And after a moment of reflection, he felt like he knew what he had needed to hear back in those early days. What Jolie needed to hear as she embarked on this new adventure.

           “I’m proud of you.”

           It was true. It still is, less than a day later as Jolie sits beside Jimin in the backseat and chatters freely with Sunmi. Explaining some of the silly answers she came up with to the possible interview questions, making a bet on some random phrase that Chung-hei will probably say at some point.

           That pride bubbles up until it has Jimin reaching across the seat to grab Jolie’s hand in his, lovingly running his thumb over her knuckles. He grins at the way she stumbles mid-sentence, eyes flashing to him.

           He sees the way she looks doubtful for a moment, and he knows that she’s internally rejecting the notion that he cares as deeply for her as his actions say he does. He just squeezes her hand a little tighter and silently promises to prove it to her.

           Again and again, if need be.

           “You’ll do great,” Sunmi is reassuring as she pulls into a familiar neighborhood. They’ve arrived back to the apartment at last. “I’ll be watching.”

           “That sounds a little creepy,” Jolie teases, glancing over at Jimin as she opens up the door and slides out. “Thanks, Sunmi.”

           Sunmi nods, smiling in the rear view. “I’ll see you guys in the morning!”

           Once they’ve said their goodbyes, Jimin and Jolie head up to the apartment. They can already hear some of the people inside, and Jolie can’t hide her smile as she hears Christina’s voice.

           “Kim Seokjin, I already told you that I’m in charge of the zucchini, now leave it alone.”  

           Jolie wiggles her eyebrows at Jimin. “Don’t tell me she’s moved on to Jin.”

           “Oh, no. Her and Tae and are pining over each other every chance they get,” he quietly confirms. The way Jolie snorts has him smiling at her fondly. “She’s probably just trying to make him jealous by hanging out with Jin.”

           The two of them head inside, stepping into a warzone. People are scattered everywhere, jumping to and fro in an effort to prepare a suitable dinner for all those present. It’s a rare sight to see in the house, it’s not often that they cook at home. Due to their busy schedules, they either cook for themselves or eat out.

           “What’s going on?” Jolie asks with a hint of amusement as she glances at Taehyung. He’s the only stationary being in the entire house, leaning up against the doorway to the kitchen and staring at Christina with furrowed brows. Almost like he’s confused, but he doesn’t quite understand why.

           Jimin comes up behind him, clapping him on the shoulder. “How’s it going?”

           Taehyung shrugs, a little lost in thought. “Oh, fine. Fine.”

           Winking at Jolie, Jimin attempts to sidle into the kitchen. “Anybody need help in here?” There’s a round of applause from Jin, who begs Jimin to come and help him with something. Taking up a station beside his oldest hyung, Jimin gets to work to prepare family dinner.

✂

           “So,” I drawl, posting up on the opposite end of the doorframe from Taehyung. “Whatcha thinking about?”

           Taehyung’s frown deepens, his eyes flitting over to mine before sloping back to where Christina chops vegetables at the counter. “Dinner.”

           “Mhmm.”

           Again, his eyes flash over to me, an accusing look on his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

           I shrug, enjoying the role reversal. To think, it wasn’t that long ago before I was quaking before Taehyung at work. “You just look a little distracted, that’s all.”

           Taehyung chews on his bottom lip, and I don’t miss the way his eyes flit back and forth between Christina, her severed thread, and his own thread which leads out the door and beyond. Connecting him to his soulmate, wherever they may be.

           “I feel a little…strange.” He admits quietly enough for no one else to hear.

           “In a good way, or…?”

           He shrugs, watching as Christina picks her way across the kitchen to where Seokjin clears a space for her to slip the cut vegetables into a steaming pot. “Sometimes good, sometimes bad.”

           “And do you…plan to do anything about these strange feelings?”

           Christina steps out of the room, and the second she disappears from sight it’s like Taehyung woke up from a long dream. He blinks, looking around for a second before looking back at me. “I think it’s more of a question of if I should do something about it. If that’s even plausible.” Again, his eyes drift to his thread, and I mull over this odd situation.

           In the end, it only leads to heartbreak. It just depends on who it will be that gets their heart broken.

           Before I can respond, Yoongi is calling everyone to come to dinner. It takes a few minutes for us to all gather around, and I can’t help but notice the way that Taehyung doesn’t even think twice before settling down next to Christina. The moment he notices what he’s done, however, that same tormented expression from earlier reappears. I offer him a bolstering smile from down the table, which he hastily returns.

           We all dig into the food, everyone expressing appreciation for different dishes and sharing all around. Jimin blows on his bulgogi before extending it to me with a grin, which I quickly take.

           Toward the end of the meal, Hoseok holds up a glass and a hush falls over the table. “I’d like to propose a toast!”

           Jungkook whispers something to Jin, who tries and fails to hide his laughter. A glare from Hobi has the two shutting up in an instant.

           “To more family dinners like this,” he says with a smile. “And to all our new additions.” He pauses, thinking for a moment longer. “Some of you arrived in more…unconventional ways than others. But I will say this: you make my friends happy, and that’s all I want for them. Please continue to make them smile as often as you can.”

           I can toast to that.

✂

           These lights are making me sweat, but then again, that could also be from the way the interviewer is staring me down with a hawk-like glare.

           There’s no studio audience, no this is something to be broadcasted in about a month from now. For now, I sit beside Chung-hei and try not to fidget in my seat.

           At first, there were plenty of generic questions. A few directed toward Chung-hei or I that were easy enough to tackle; questions like: “What’s your line of work?” or “How does it feel to be in an interview?”

           Now, though, we’re reaching the end and the interviewer seems to sense this. They begin to lean into the more difficult questions. Anything to keep ratings going, I suppose.

           “Jolie, I have one final question for you,” they grab their card before crossing their legs and smiling at me. There’s no kindness in that smile, but I try to pretend like there is. “If you could go back in time to before you met Jimin, what would you tell yourself?”

           I blink. Everyone looks to me expectantly, and I find that I’m suddenly sweating much more than before.

           This wasn’t in the list of questions.

           Refraining from chewing on my lip, I glance at Chung-hei. My friend smiles encouragingly at me, and I allow myself to go back to a previous time I saw that same smile.

           I’m standing beside Chung-hei, grinning wide enough that my cheeks hurt as the intro music begins to play.

           “They’re about to come out!” Hei screams despite standing right by me. I laugh at her excitement, even though I know I look just as crazed as she does.

           The entire arena floods with music, the bass making my very bones vibrate. All around me people lift up their army bombs and cheer. Smoke floods the stage, creating a mysterious aura before the lights drop and everything is plunged into darkness.

           And then, light. Two huge spotlights illuminate seven figures who seemingly appeared from thin air in the middle of the stage. Less than a second later, the already deafening arena picks up in sound.

           In a burst of energy, the seven boys begin their routine. I find that I am absolutely mesmerized as my eyes fall on one person in particular.  

           Park Jimin glides across the stage as though he owns it; which, with some quick negotiating and a bit of cash, he probably could. His flowy white shirt makes me understand why he’s so often referred to as an angel. However, it’s when he smiles that I find myself adopting the nickname to use for future reference.

           For a moment, I am blissfully ignorant to all that awaits me. To all that awaits us, as I still have yet to notice the way my thread shifts whenever Jimin moves across the stage.

           What would I tell myself in that moment?

           The answer comes surprisingly quickly. “If I could go back…I think I’d just tell her that I’m proud of her.” I smile softly at the interviewer, who listens to my every word as though waiting for some sort of slip up to cling to. “For all that she’s gone through, I’m proud. And that there’s light up ahead.”

           Right on cue, the producer signals to wrap it up from behind the camera. I spy Jimin’s smile, making me smile in return.

           The interview is wrapped up within the next couple of minutes, and before I know it we’re being herded backstage before slipping into our different cars to head to the Bighit building.

           Jimin and I sit in the back seat as Sunmi drives, listening to her rant about how well we did. I just shrug, explaining that it’s too soon to congratulate us. The real challenge will come when the broadcast airs.

           “You did well,” Jimin quietly affirms. He takes my hand in his like he did yesterday, and it’s a feeling that I can certainly tell I’ll be more than happy with for the rest of my life. “How are you feeling?”

           I shrug. “Alright, I think. Just nervous for what comes next.”

           Once we make it to the Bighit building, Jimin pulls me aside before entering the doors. Once he’s ascertained that there isn’t anyone eavesdropping, he pulls me in close to his embrace.

           I nearly melt in his arms, instantly relaxing as I take in the citrusy scent of his shampoo. It’s the same that I’ve been using over the past couple of days.

           “Let me tell you what comes next,” he whispers before pulling back to see my face. “First off, you quit trying to friend-zone me.”

           I laugh, trying to shove him away but failing as he keeps a tight grip around me. “I’m not! You’re just being overdramatic!”

           He feigns offense, gasping loudly. “I can’t believe you’d attack me like this. It hurts, jagiya. It really does.”

           “Yah, just get on with it.”

           “Ok, ok. You’re so impatient.” His easy smile proves that he doesn’t mean me any harm. “ Secondly, I have a question for you.”

           “And what’s that?”

           Releasing his grip around my waist just long enough to push some of his hair back, he raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to date me?”

           I blink, unsure of whether to laugh or question his health. “I- yeah. Of course I do.”

           “Ah, so you want to date me.” Jimin smirks, and suddenly I realize that I may have just gotten myself into a lot of trouble. “Alright, I guess I’ll allow it. But I do have some conditions for you if you want to be my girlfriend.”

           I scoff. “Woah, technically you’re the one that asked-”

           “And you answered that yes, you want to date me. Will you hear out my conditions?” I nod impatiently. “Good. First, you must allow me to tuck you in burrito style whenever you sleep over.” I chuckle, nodding along vigorously while trying to memorize the way he’s looking at me right now. “Second, you quit texting that Jaemin guy. I’m the jealous type, and he seems sketchy.”

           Now I can’t hold back my shoulder-shaking laughter. “You realize how contradictory that is, right?”

           Completely ignoring my call on his judgement, Jimin continues. “You let me send you chocolates without complaining about getting fat. I get joint custody of Elle. You teach me how to bake bread, your mother’s recipe.”

           His soft tone makes me smile softly. “And?”

           He holds up his left hand, the red thread shining in the afternoon sun. “When this thing starts working properly again, you don’t run away from me. Let me- let me be your best friend.”

           There’s a lump in my throat now as Jimin’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. “And?” I whisper.

           “And when the rest of the world is pressing in on you, let me remind you how much you are loved.”

           His grip tightens just a cinch as I let out a shaky breath before mumbling out, “How do you plan to do that?”

           Jimin’s eyes slowly drop to my lips, head tilting to the side as he smiles softly. “I have something of an idea.”

           The sound of the gate opening to let another car in – surely one of the other boys – alerts me to our ending privacy. Before Jimin can change his mind, I throw my arms around his neck and pull him in close.

           The first clash of our lips is a bit sloppy, but soon Jimin is leaning in impossibly closer to better capture my lips. It’s unknown and hurried, and full of promise for the future. The only thing on my mind is the feeling of Jimin’s hands digging into my waist before finding themselves at the small of my back, making me stumble forward a step. He catches me, lips parting in a crooked grin a single second before a black SUV pulls up.

           Jimin’s cheeks are dusted light pink in the afternoon sun, but soon I’m going cross eyed as he leans in and delivers Eskimo kisses. “I knew it was a good idea.”

           “Oi! Don’t tell me you two were just making out in broad daylight,” Jin groans as he exits the SUV followed by a disgusted looking Namjoon.

           “I- no, we were…uh, I…” Jimin sputters, looking to me for help. I laugh, saying nothing as I head for the doors.

           “Namjoon, you can’t even act like you’re disgusted!” Jimin protests, hurrying after me to avoid a collision with the door like he has in previous experiences.  “Don’t pretend like I haven’t seen you and Chung-hei making out like teenagers on the couch-”

           All three boys trail after me as I stride down the hallway toward the elevator. They don’t stop their bickering as we enter the elevator and Jin pushes the fifth floor button, red in the face as he scolds the other two for their behavior.

           Leaning up against the wall, I close my eyes and smile, listening to the accusations flying around the small elevator.

           It’s good to be home.

Previous - Epilogue

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[heliads]

Back to You (Part One)

Based on this request: “X-Men one-shot. Pietro is getting a hot dog in the park. He sees a girl playing her acoustic guitar and singing Chris Isaak’s song Wicked Game. Heart eyes ensue.”

masterlist / part two

On the day that he ruined his life, Peter Maximoff was walking through the park. He was there for something, but he couldn’t quite remember what. Not then, at least. She would tell him later. On that day, he was about to give up on figuring out just why he showed up there and go back to Xavier’s School, and then he saw her. There’s a girl sitting on a bench near him, playing some song on an acoustic guitar. It’s a familiar sight- feels like there are always performers in the area, but something about her makes Peter’s steps stray by her. Maybe it’s just because she’s really, really pretty, or it’s because she sounds so sad, and she’s looking directly at him.

If Peter didn’t know better, he’d say that she was singing directly to him, and that’s why she looks as if someone’s gone and broken her heart in two. Somehow, Peter feels like leaving now would be doing her a crime, so he waits, walking mindless circles around the paths in the park. He watches this girl out of the corner of his eye, and listens, and waits.

The song itself is quiet, full of heartbreak, all about not wanting to fall in love and how it all falls apart in the end. Later, the girl tells him that the song is ‘Wicked Game’ by Chris Isaak. Peter’s not sure why he’s thinking about this, now, either- everything about this girl seems to mess up his comprehension of time and when everything happened with her. Maybe that’s because he was -is- so utterly infatuated with her that he wasn’t keeping track of much else, but maybe it’s also because she was already there to see it all through. She knew everything, but he wouldn’t learn that until later. 

That’s not the right time to say that, either. Peter needs to get this right. Even if she can look further in time and switch up all of the events before they happen, even if Y/N L/N can see him decide to approach her before he even entered the park in the first place, Peter wouldn’t have known that then. All he knew was the girl before him, the girl who was now regarding him as if having to mourn the loss of a recently departed lover.

Peter walked over to her. It wasn’t much of a conscious choice, just the feeling that he ought to do something, and so he did it. To be honest, Peter’s not sure that much of what he did with Y/N was really his choice. If she said something would happen, it was best to go along with it. Bad things happen when you falter from the prophecies.

He’s stumbling again, falling through the cracks. Peter needs to get this right if he wants to remember, if he wants to keep with Y/N’s directions. That’s the only way he’ll be able to make it through to the very end, how he’s going to get back home to Xavier’s School and his friends and most importantly, Y/N.

Peter doesn’t know this girl is Y/N L/N, not yet. What he does know is that he really should introduce himself to the girl with the guitar, and that he honestly wants to get to know her, but his feet keep dragging to a stop before he can make up his mind and force himself over to talk to her. It’s as if even his body knows that this is a bad idea, like this is his legs’ last attempt to save himself before Peter makes an incredibly important mistake.

That being said, Peter likes to pride himself on making incredibly important mistakes. This is why he dislodges the last strange shard of doubt in his head and completes the walk over to the girl. He doesn’t notice the way she almost sighs with relief when she sees him approach her, like even though she seems to know him, she wasn’t sure that he would truly go ahead and greet her.

The girl smiles at him. Peter can’t help but smile back. “Hi,” he says, feeling odd for introducing himself when this girl is looking at him with such a knowing expression, “I’m Peter.” The girl nods sagely. “Peter Maximoff.” Peter frowns. “Do I know you?” The girl’s smile falters. “I know you. You will know me, if that clears things up.” Peter stares. “It doesn’t, not really. Not at all. Do I get to ask for your name or will I learn that later too?”

The girl shrugs. “Actually, I think the time when you learn my name is supposed to be right now, so you’re good.” The strangest thing is that Peter actually doesn’t think she’s kidding or trying to be funny. She seems dead serious as she says this. “I’m Y/N, Y/N L/N.” Peter nods. For some reason, this makes sense, although he cannot explain why. “You’re a good singer, Y/N.”

Y/N grins up at him. “I’m glad you think so. I didn’t sing that song for just anyone, you know.” Peter feels like he’s stumbled in the middle of one of his fastest runs, grasping for steady footing beneath him. “Do I know you, really? Have we met before?” Y/N sighs, drawing one of her knees up to her chin. The way she looks there, nestled into herself on this park bench, makes it seem as if she’s in need of comfort, as if she’s about to start on some journey that she knows will hurt her.

“We’re meeting now. That’s what we’re supposed to do, I think.” She looks up at him now, with such piercing clarity that Peter almost wants to take a step back. “It’s my mutation. Yours is speed, mine is trying to make sense of random flashes I see of the future.” Peter looks at her in awe. “You’re a mutant, too? You can see the future.” Suddenly, it all makes sense- that’s why she keeps talking about him like she already knows him- she’s seeing the future.

Y/N nods. “It’s hard to make sense of it sometimes. I don’t know what’s in the past or the future or what’s happening right now.” She glances up at him doubtfully, as if expecting him to sigh in confusion and walk away. Instead, Peter just tosses her a casual grin and sits down beside her on the park bench. “Well, Miss Prophecy, if you know the future, where do we go from here? We’re supposed to be friends, aren’t we?”

Y/N laughs. For a second, Peter wants to slow down time again just to hear the laugh in every one of its notes, like he can track its progress just by watching the very air shimmer into gold wherever her voice touched it. “Well, I know that we talk for a while. You’ll meet up with me again, at some point. I can’t see everything, you know, just brief glimpses. There’s nothing else here, though. I think I’ve covered everything for today.”

She stands up now, stretching and starting to put her guitar back into its awaiting case. “I don’t want to stray too much from what I see. It’s one thing to see one pathway of the future, and an entirely different issue when the future starts changing and I have to keep remembering what’s actually going to happen and what would have happened before.” Peter shakes his head. “Wow. I got confused just from hearing that, I don’t know how you deal with it.”

Y/N smiles for a second, although it’s tinged with something bittersweet. “Well, in the future I have you to help me.” Peter nods, fighting the absurd desire to break out into a little dance of joy or happiness or something equally heartsick. Then another question occurs to him. “Wait- you said that song was for me, but it sounded sad, about wicked games and all that. What did I do that would make you think of that for me and not something, well, a little happier?”

Y/N’s smile runs away from her face as surely as a river down from the tallest of slopes. All of a sudden, she doesn’t look excited about the future but almost terrified, as if she dreads what must come at the end of everything. “We say goodbye. It’s not as I would want it to happen.” She shoulders her guitar case now, starting to walk briskly away. Peter’s not used to anyone being able to outpace him or leave him in the dust. Maybe it happens today because he doesn’t try to go after her, stuck behind in the wake of her desolate expression.

Peter finds Y/N in the same park the next day. She’s sitting on the exact same park bench, and when she visibly brightens to see him approach, Peter wonders if she’d been waiting for him to arrive. Maybe she saw him show up in the future. They end up spending an hour or two talking, doing nothing else except simply enjoying each other’s company. At the end, when they have to say goodbye again, Peter swears that Y/N looks even more upset than the day before. Maybe their final parting is drawing nearer than she would like.

They meet up a few more times, each time the same- happy memories until the last goodbye. At last, on the final day that they find each other in the park, Y/N only allows herself about five or so minutes of pleasantries before she looks at Peter one more time in abject despair and throws her face down into her hands. “I can’t do this.” These words aren’t directed at anyone, but Peter feels the need to address them all the same.

“Can’t do what? Y/N, what’s wrong?” When Y/N looks up at him again, her face is twisted as she tries to maintain control over herself. “It’s what has to happen, Peter, but I didn’t realize it would be so hard. I didn’t think you’d make it so difficult to lose you.” Peter stares at her, hand hovering over her back before he pulls her closer to him. “What do you mean? I’m not going anywhere, Y/N. Nothing can make me leave.” Even as he says this, Peter knows it’s not true. There’s nothing he can do against time, after all, and Y/N’s likely seen this through many times to know that.

She sighs, leaning against him. “By the end of today, my aunt is going to come visit you. She’s going to take you somewhere far away, and when it’s all over, you’re not going to remember who you are, not at all. All you’ll know is who she wants you to be.” Peter doesn’t understand. None of this makes sense. “What do you mean? Who is your aunt?” Y/N glances over at him again. This time, Peter is starting to realize that the fear in her eyes from before may not have been towards a vague happening in the past. It may take the physical form of her aunt, the one who is coming to take him away.

“She’s a witch. Her name is Agatha Harkness. She sent me here to make sure you would work for the plan, and then she’ll send you far from here, far from me.” Peter shakes his head. “Even if she tries to put me somewhere else, it won’t work. Yeah, I can run fast, but I can also run far. I’ll make my way back to you.” Y/N looks at him despondently. “You can’t run to me if you’re in another dimension, Peter. She’ll transport you there, and then I won’t be able to get you back. You’ll be put in place as the fake twin sister of this woman, Wanda, and you’ll live in her little sitcom paradise in a town called Westview. Even if she realizes you’re not real, Agatha has a backup story for you. You’re supposed to be some guy named Ralph. There’s no way you’ll be able to get out.”

Y/N drops her face into her hands again. Peter isn’t willing to let her go so easily, though. Witches be damned, he isn’t about to leave her for something like this. So, he sits forward, drawing Y/N close to him once more. “Then tell me how to fix it. You can see glimpses of the future, right? What do I have to do to break free of Agatha’s spell? Everyone has their loopholes. I’ll find hers.” Y/N nods once, then her gaze turns hazy. This must be what it takes to use her mutation.

She’s back in a few moments, face set in determination. “She’ll use a memory spell on you to keep you in her trance. All you have to do is remember who you are, and in the end, when it all breaks down, you’ll have to go to Wanda. She’ll be powerful enough by then, so if you ask her to send you back to your home dimension, she just might do it.” Peter nods, then frowns. “What do you mean, when it all breaks down? What’s going to happen?”

Y/N gives him a grim smile. “Agatha can’t hold Wanda forever. She wants to, but she can’t. Wanda will find a way to best my aunt, and then she’ll leave Westview. You have to find Wanda before that happens so she can get you out. Until then, you have to remember.” Peter nods, ready. “I can do that. I don’t intend on forgetting someone like you, Y/N.” Y/N laughs, although the sound is bitter. “I’m not sure that you have much of a choice about that. Agatha is a deeply skilled witch, Peter. I think this might be too much, even for you.”

Peter shakes his head. “I’ll find a way. She can’t hold me forever. I’m staying with you.” Y/N sighs. “And how will you do that? How can you fight back against her memory spell?” Peter gives her a lopsided half smile. “By having something good enough to remember.” With that, he leans forward and kisses her. He can feel Y/N stiffen in surprise for a second, and then she’s kissing him back. Yes, this will be hard. It might be one of the hardest things that Peter has ever done. But he isn’t willing to give up on Y/N so easily. She’s his future, his goal. If Y/N can see anything, she can see that Peter will come back to her.

peter maximoff tag list: multiverse main man @underc0vercryptid​, @enchantedcruelsummer, @awaywiththe​, @amourtentiaa, @elaineygrace​

[elocinnicole]

Butterflies – Part Three

Pairing: Collin Hoskins x Black!Reader

Rating: M for Language and Death

Tagging: @ohsoverykeri

Part One Part Two Part Three

You spent most of the day in your room not wanting to be around Collin. This isn’t the first time you and Collin got into a fight. The last time you could recall, was when he first went to jail and he was complaining about his mom not coming to see him.

A Year Ago

You played with your fingers waiting to see Collin, he’s been locked up for almost a month and the people who came to see him regularly were Miles and yourself. Of course, Val didn’t come but the past couple of times you came to see Collin you would ask his Mom to come along. At first, she would agree but then when it came to the day of she would cancel.

“You got one hour.” You heard the gruff voice of the CO. Collin was escorted to your table, you offered him a small smile which he returned, having been his friend for almost twenty years you knew something was troubling him.

“How you been, Y/N?” Collin pulled you in for a hug, you smiled into the embrace, Even though you saw him last week, it was hard visiting your friend in prison.

“I’ve been good, Collin.”

“That’s enough!” A booming voice barked, Collin rolled eyes and the two of you pulled away. Collin saw the bags of chips on the table and his eyes lit up

“You got some for little old me?” He teased

“Shut up, I only did it because your Mom asked me to.”

“You talked to my Mom?” He asked, you looked at him with sad eyes. The last time you came to visit him, Ms. Nancy had told Collin that she would come to visit with you

“Yeah, uh I know she said she was gonna come with me today, but she wasn’t feeling good this morning…” Collin slowly nodded his head

“Collin—”

“Y/N, I don’t know how she can’t come and see me. I’m her son, Y/N! I’ve been in here for a month and she still hasn’t come to see me. Don’t she miss me?” Collin asked his voice growing loud

“Of course she does, she said she misses you all the time.

“Oh yeah?”

“She said it’s too hard for her.”

“It’s too hard for her?!”

“Hey! Keep it down Hoskins!”

“How do you think I feel? I’m the one that’s locked up!” Collin asked in a loud whisper

“Yeah, over some dumb shit.”

“Oh really? So you been talkin’ to Val?”

“Collin, don’t go there!” You were hoping that this would be a good visit but as time went on you were getting increasingly irritated with your friend.

“How do you think I feel when my Mom won’t come to see me?”

“How do you think she feels? Who do you think called her when you got your ass arrested? Did you know she put a second mortgage on the house to try and bail you out? When I told her that you got arrested the first thing she asked me was did they shoot you? Collin every time I see her or call her on the phone, she cries, the entire time, for you. So, before you get mad think about why she may not want to see her son in handcuffs.”

“Alright, visiting time’s over.” Collin’s CO said and before you knew it they were escorting Collin away from you…again.

You were finishing up a wig for a client when your phone ringed and you saw a text message from Trevon,

You went back to your wig when another text came through, this time from Janelle

The sound of your door creaking open made you look up, you saw Collin slowly entering your room holding a plate of nachos. You tried hard not to smile, nachos were your favorite food to eat. You and Colin would eat them all the time when you were in high school. “Figured you were hungry,” Collin said sitting on the edge of your bed.

“I am, thanks.” You said grabbing the plate of nachos and placing them on your nightstand and joining Collin on your bed. As much as you wanted to discuss your argument from earlier there was an even bigger elephant in the room.

“We need to talk, Collin,” You started

“I’m sorry for not asking about Val, that shit’s foul and it’s your place—”

“I don’t wanna talk about that.” Collin frowned in confusion

“We got gotta talk about the other night, because you can’t be getting mad at me when I go out on a date but I have to ‘understand’ your booty calls with Val.”

“They not booty calls,”

“Oh so what are they?”

“I’m trying to work things out with Val trying to see if we have something,” you rolled your eyes and sighed heavily

“Why do you act like you owe her something?”

“Because I do!”

“Collin, when was the last time you heard from Val other than her wanting some dick?” Collin turned his face away

“Exactly!”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“You bringing all types of niggas in here!”

“First of all, no the fuck I don’t, two, it’s my house. If I wanna bring a nigga all up and through my house I can do that. Besides, it’s not niggas, I’m actually talking to someone and he’s been here once, try again.”

“I’m doing the same thing!”

“No, you’re not, you getting your dick wet just because some bitch says ‘jump’.”

“Don’t be like that Y/N, we didn’t really end things. I just want to see if there’s anything still there.”

“How many times, does Val have to tell you she don’t wanna be with you? Did she come visit you, put money on your books, did she even call your ass?”

“You don’t gotta give me a history lesson, I know all that shit,”

“Did you know she was gonna let your ass rot in that jail cell? She didn’t even want to attempt bail you out.”

“Y/N—”

“Collin, she’s not good for you. I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“What makes you think she not good for me?” You were done talking in circles with Collin, at this point, all you wanted to do was be alone.

“You know what Collin, Imma drop it because you gonna do whatever the fuck—-”

“Nah, air out, tell me why you think Val’s not good for me,”

“I’m not about to do this with you, Collin.”

“Y/N, as my friend, shit, one of my best friends, you gotta air out,”

“Janelle sent me a text—” Your phone ringing interrupted you, you almost ignored it but you saw that it was your Mom calling.

“We’re not done with this conversation,” You said before answering your phone.

“Hey, Mom—wait, wait, slow down. What’s going on?” Collin saw your face drop and instantly grew worried

“Okay, okay I’m on my way.” You ended the call, still trying to process the conversation you just had.

“What’s going on?”

“Um, I gotta get to the hospital, my dad just had a heart attack.”

You stared out the window while Collin drove the two of you to your parents house. By the time you got the hospital your mom told you that your dad was gone. Various memories of you and your Dad flashed through your mind. From learning how to ride a bike to when you graduated from cosmetology school and how your Dad treated it like it was a college graduation. That was your Dad though, he went above and beyond for every event for you and you brother no matter how small it was. Being the oldest, you were always a Daddy’s girl. Life without your Dad never really ran across your mind, of course you knew that he wouldn’t be here forever but you didn’t think that time would be now.

You laid on the twin size bed in your old teenage room, staring at the ceiling your eyes focused on the Nelly poster. If you looked at anything else in your room you would’ve broke. You’ve been doing a great job, so far, at managing your emotions, you didn’t have time to fall apart. You have to be there for your Mom, your brother, and your nephews. The bed sunk letting you know that Collin had got in the bed with you. You insisted that he sleep in your brother’s room. Even though it was still the same size bed in his room as well, you know that he would have more space rather than sharing with you. Collin could sense you were barely hanging on, he turned his body toward you, waiting for you to look at him.

“Y/N,” You ignored him, “Y/N, look at me.”

“Collin, I’m fine. We have to get some rest, we gotta get my brother and his kids from the airport early tomorrow.”

“Y/N, can you look at me? Please,”

“Collin, I’m fine. Goodnight.” You turned off the lamp and rolled to your side, hoping Collin would drop it.

The next day Collin, tried to get you to slow down but if you sensed he was trying to talk to you about your Dad you would change the subject or busy yourself with something else. Your mom made a Instagram post so you were getting calls and text messages all day, it was becoming over whelming. Luckily for you, Collin had to work that evening so you didn’t have to deal with him following your every move making sure you were okay. Your brother, Cameron, and you were now attempting to draft your Dad’s obituary.

“I don’t know why we can’t put that in there.” Cameron mumbled under his breath.

“Because, it’s not important! He only spent one semester there,”

“And? That’s where he met Mom!”

“Cam, we only have one page for this obituary, it’s not an autobiography. We can say when they met and got married, period!”

“So you just gonna cut out an important part of Dad’s life?”

“Cam, I’m not—you know what, I can’t do this. Ever since I picked you up from the airport, you’ve been fighting me with every decision. I’m going back to my place,” You huffed quickly getting your bags together.

“So you just gonna leave?”

“Yes, the hell I am.” You left your childhood home, slamming the door shut, once you were halfway down the block you realized that, you didn’t have your car. You let Collin drive it to work. The walk to your place wasn’t long but it was late, your pride hindered you from walking back to your Mom’s and facing your brother again,

“Damnit,” You pulled out your phone and called the first person you could think of. “Hey, can you give me a ride?”

“Thanks, Miles, for picking me up. I know you and Ash are busy with Shauna—”

“You fam, it’s no problem and I’m sorry about your Dad, he was like the only guy I looked up to.”

“Thanks, Miles. You remember that time he caught you skipping school?” Miles chuckled at the memory

“Yeah, I ain’t know he was following me and shit. He hopped out the car like he the muh fuckin police. Then he had my ass running back home while he drove behind me.” You laughed while Miles reminisced until he got a text from Ashely.

“Miles, go home before Ashley beats your ass.”

“Well, shit I’m waitin’ on your ass to get out my car.” You jokingly shoved your friend before getting out

“Bye, Miles!”

“Ay, when you gonna come braid my hair like Ash’s?”

“Bye, Miles!” You shook your head as Miles sped off. Once you got inside you realized that you hadn’t eaten all day. You honestly didn’t feel like cooking so decided to order something from UberEats. Nothing looked appetizing to you so you decided against it. Sitting on your sofa, glass of wine in hand, you finally had time to yourself, no one asking how you were feeling, no one calling to offer condolences, family members and friends you haven’t heard from in years were reaching out, it was too much. Finally having a moment to yourself, you felt the tears coming

“Y/N?” Collin called out, you quickly wiped your tears, not wanting him to see you cry.

“In the living room.” You called out, Collin walked with takeout boxes in hand.

“Figured you’d be hungry,” you gave him a small smile in return.

“Thanks, Collin, but I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something—“

“I told you I’m fine, I’ve been telling everyone I’m fine all day! Damn!” You snapped

“Aight, I was just checking on you!”

“I don’t neeed anyone to check on me, I only want one person to check on me and he’s not here!” For the first time today, you finally cried. Collin sat eside you and pulled you close to him

“No amount of food, texts, or phone calls can bring him back.” You cried into Collin’s chest as he held you. You pulled away and Collin cradled your face in his hands, you leaned into the embrace. He gently grabbed your chin and before you knew it, you were kissing Collin. You were the first to pull away and Collin frowned

“What about you and Val—”

“Fuck Val,” Collin said pulling you in for another kiss.

Please let me know, if you would like to be tagged in this series.

[twisted-leader-of-something]

Alot of Twst fans are kinda hating on the fact many Malleus Simps see Malleus as a Clueless, Naive person. While it may not be true, imagine living in a castle walls almost all your life, without much knowledge of the outside world than the old books that go way back. I can literally see why Malleus can have such a rather childish naivety. Although I want to ask, is there alot of mischaracterization about Malleus?

Sorry I’m late on replying Anon! But, to be honest, I’m not exactly sure if Malleus is being mischaracterized, Anon. 

I haven’t exactly figured out what Malleus’ character is yet, since Diasomnia’s chapter isn’t out yet. 

Sure, I’ve read his personal stories and I think I can say generally what he’s like, but I don’t think I know him personally yet.  

Sure, I do feel like there are moment where people miss things about Malleus,  but I feel that way about most of the TWST characters at times since fandom interpretations, are well, interpretations. It’s not something I can quite control and I kind of have to roll with it. I also feel like it’s too early for me to make a judgment since I haven’t been through his chapter yet. 

While that maybe a BS excuse to some, I want to know who Overblots in Diasomnia’s chapter, and I’m going to guess based on the past, it’s going to be Malleus. I’ve been wrong about many characters, but only really realized that when I got to their chapters. 

Take Jamil and Vil, for examples. 

I thought Jamil was a honest guy who liked Kalim and genuinely wanted Kalim to thrive, despite signs of Jamil not being as honest as he seems staring me right in the face purely because of who he’s twisted from, but I was proved wrong in Chapter 4, seeing as how he’s gaslighted an entire dorm and gotten away with it almost scott-free (still pissed about that.) and his backstory. 

I’ll admit. Jamil’s backstory caught me off guard, purely because it’s so sad, I’ve been there (in a way, it’s complicated) and I feel Jamil is justified in how he felt towards Kalim? Where his actions? That’s a debate for another day.

I thought Vil was an abusive and toxic person before his chapter started. With how he treated others, especially Epel and his dormmates, I thought Vil was abusive and he only wants the world to spin around him. I genuinely hated him for most of the chapter because I thought he was an stuck-up prick who didn’t get the world didn’t revolve around him. Hell, I still kind of do, since I think his backstory doesn’t justify his actions. 

But, I will admit. I was caught off guard a few times. I do appreciate the chapter calling Vil out on his behavior, as I think Rook, Epel, and Deuce call out Vil for his behavior and Vil admits he’s wrong at times! That’s better than other characters even in the series we know! But, I was also caught off guard by his flaw. Envy. I’m quite a envious person myself, and seeing Vil display his jealously I was caught off guard because I thought Vil was just prideful, but the minute I saw Vil’s reaction to Neige, I kinda figure out Vil’s motive for the chapter of why he’s an ass. And, I kinda of then knew what was going to happen. Did I like that Vil was being an prick to others? Hell no. But I understood where he was coming from, to a degree.

And, to add unto matters, Malleus is quite a mysterious character. 

He’s based a woman who is pretty up to interpretation. 

Maleficent is characterized as just evil according to Disney. 

Her motive for why the events of Sleeping Beauty are unknown, we get no backstory or anything concrete as to why Maleficent even cursed Aurora. We don’t even known that much about her besides she’s pretty evil, is a queen and has a pet. What we have of her isn’t much to go off as a character without outside help.

While other characters? Most have a motive. The only one of the Great Seven I can’t think of that wouldn’t have a motive would be the Queen of Hearts, and even that’s debatable depending on how you look at her. 

Jafar, Scar, Ursula, the Evil Queen and Hades just wanted to rule over something.

Gaston wanted to marry Belle. 

Cruella di Vil wanted a coat made of puppies, for heaven’s sake!

Dr. Facilier and Lady Tremaine wanted money. 

Most are simple, but are there.

Maleficent, however in her original story, has basically nothing of that.

So, I feel Malleus already is at a disadvantage on that end. He’s based on someone who can be interpreted in thousands of different ways, and you can’t says that’s wrong, because canon doesn’t help you much on saying one way or the other. 

Which is why I plan on waiting for his chapter before I put my opinion on the subject. I just. . . Think Yana can pull Malleus’ character in many different ways and I can’t dispute it because it’s not his chapter yet. So I don’t know. 

[hypfic]

After Facing the Wall

so.... that DH vs BB live huh... if you haven’t seen the live I don’t think this really spoils anything since it’s pretty ambiguous, but if you’re trying to avoid any mention of it, avert your eyes!

I wrote this as a completely self indulgent drabble at first, but then I kept going and the next thing I knew, I was four pages deep in Ichiro love... When I first got into hypmic I wasn’t a big fan of Buster Bros, but now?? Oh boy now they’re tied for first with Fling Posse.... and Ichiro... I love him so much and want to hold his hand....

(I was supposed to finish working on chapter 3 of IKOT109 yesterday but I did this instead... chapter 3 should be done soon! she’s a long one!)

☆♬○♩●♪✧♩　　♩✧♪●♩○♬☆

You’re laying in bed half awake after watching the broadcast of today’s DRB. Unfortunately, you were stuck at home with a cold as the brothers went off to battle. 

You were just dozing off when the front door to the apartment creaked open. Rubbing drowsiness from your eyes, you grabbed your glasses from the nightstand and shuffled out of the bedroom. You stood silently in the doorway of the kitchen, leaning against the framing as the three brothers briefly discussed the night’s events. Ichiro glanced up and caught your eyes, smiling weakly at you. He was hurting, the opponent he faced today, that the three of them faced today, was greater than any boss before. 

You walked over and gave the two younger bros a hug, holding them tight and expressing your pride. After ruffling Jiro and Saburo’s hair, you sat next to Ichiro. You reached down and took his hand in yours, leaning into his side and kissing his cheek. As he continued to talk with his brothers, you rested your head on his shoulder, tracing circles around his bruised knuckles. You didn’t say anything, you didn’t need to, just being there was enough. 

The brothers’ conversation gradually lagged and the two of you were soon alone. Ichiro sighed and kissed the top of your head, squeezing your hand for reassurance. You knew that this… this was all a lot for him. An old friend and teammate, and his father…. He had so much in his mind. You looked up at him and kissed his furrowed brow, reaching over to wipe the forming tears from his eyes. 

“Hey, let’s go upstairs, ok? Lay in bed and cuddle, alright? Hmm?”

Ichiro nodded, eyes still focused on the wall in front of him. You tugged him up by his sleeve and didn’t let go of his hand until the two of you were in his room. As soon as the door closed behind you, Ichiro pulled you into his arms in a tight embrace, burying his face in the top of your hair. You wrapped your arms around his waist as he held you tight, head resting over his heart. You swore you could hear it bleed and break. 

The two of you held each other close, simply basking in the safety and comfort of the other’s arms. You felt a few tears dampen your hair, you pulled Ichiro even closer. 

He pulled away after allowing the moment to linger. He looked tired, empty, uncertain. You stood on your toes and moved a hand to cup his cheek, sweetly kissing his lips. Ichiro smiled meekly at you, leaning down and pressing your foreheads together. He let out a weighted sigh as he reached for your hands again. You could feel his tremble. 

It was hard for Ichiro to uphold the strong, unbreakable front he presented. This was especially so when it came to his family… his brothers. You’d watched the three of them grow so much since their previous loss, yet this battle seemed to hurt even more. 

You couldn’t begin to imagine what your boyfriend was thinking. What he was feeling. Rei’s cutting words haunted your mind, but you only experienced them second hand. Ichiro… Ichiro was in the direct line of fire. To be spoken to like that by the man that’s caused him so much hurt… you couldn’t wrap your head around how Ichiro must feel. 

You pecked his lips again and tugged him towards the bed, pulling him into your lap as you sat down. Ichiro liked to be held, and you loved to hold him. Even though you were much smaller than the man in your arms, your presence and embrace was immensely comforting. 

Ichiro sat up for a moment and removed his jacket, tossing it to the floor before settling back in your arms. He laid his head on your chest, breathing in sync to the drumming of your heartbeat. 

You ran your fingers through his hair, humming a tune softly as his hand made their home around your waist. 

“Ichi,” you said softly. 

“Hmm?” 

“I’m really proud of you,” you swallowed back tears, halting your hand and bringing your face down into his hair. It smelled like sweat and smoke, with the lingering hint of his stupid, fruity shampoo. “You and the bros did so well. You especially, I guess I’m a bit biased but,” you moved your hand from Ichiro’s hair to wipe away tears. “You’ve grown so much, and I think everyone can see that. You’re so strong, and you held your ground the entire time. I think he underestimated you and you rose way above his expectations…”

Ichiro shuffled out of your arms to face you, smiling softly as he took your hands. He brought them up to his lips and kissed your knuckles, tracing the curves with his thumbs after placing your linked hands in his lap. You knew if you looked at him, both of you would burst into tears so you stared at your linked hands. 

He scooted closer to you and let go of your hands, reaching over and holding your face. You had no choice but to look up at him and wobbly smile, the flooding feeling of tears in the back of your throat. 

Ichiro’s eyes were misty when he looked at you, a few tears slipping down his cheek. “Thank you, y/n. For everything. For being here, for supporting me, for supporting Jiro and Saburo too. I don’t know if they express it enough but they love you just as much as I do, they see you as a part of our family,” he leaned down and kissed your lips. “I think I love you just a bit more though. But, I don’t think we’d be anywhere close to where we are today if it wasn’t for you.”

“Don’t say that…. I’m sure you would. All of the progress the three of you have made has nothing to do with me.”

Your boyfriend shook his head. “You might not think it, but you inspire us, inspire me to be better. After all my bros and I have been through together…. I’ve always wanted to be the best for them. To provide for them and protect them, especially after that incident years ago. But, every day they show me that maybe I’m the one who needs protecting. They always have my back and put so much faith in me, I don’t think they know how much faith I have in them.” Ichiro paused. “After you stumbled into my life and in turn into theirs, I think I relaxed more, allowed myself to rely on my family for advice and support. I know I say this a lot but I was terrified to ask you out,” he blushed, “But the two of them insisted that I try and I’m so glad they did. You brought in something we could think about that wasn’t work or division related, and that allowed us to relax and focus on ourselves… I’m forever grateful for that.”

You didn’t realise that tears started running down your cheeks. “I-Ichi….”

Ichiro smiled and kissed your forehead, brushing your tears away with his thumb. “I love you, baby, so damn much.”

“Yeah the ‘kyun’ really gave it away,” You teased with a giggle, cheeks flushed. 

“Ah… yeah, I…” he stammered. 

You laughed, leaning up and kissing him. “It was cute~ it made my heart jump.” 

“Oh my god, it’s really not that big of a deal babe I-“ Ichiro huffed, cheeks red. 

“But seriously, Ichiro. You guys did so well, I’m just sad I couldn’t have been there to cheer you on from the crowd…. stupid cold,” you pouted.

“Well, think of it this way, you cheer me on every day no matter where you are, just by being here with me.”

“Ichi that was disgustingly sappy and adorable I’m going to vomit.”

He laughed, “Says the one who was kissing me all over and expressing how proud they were of me,” Ichiro paused and looked at your shirt. “And wearing my Miku t-shirt.” Ichiro flicked your forehead. 

“Hey! It’s comfy ok? And I missed you and it smells like your cologne….” You blushed. 

“Oi, are you two done being gross and look decent?” Jiro knocked on the door. “.... Can Saburo and I come in?”

Ichiro looked at you and smiled before patting his lap in invitation. You climbed into his lap and sank into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your head. 

“Come on in, boys,” you called out with a smile. “You want in on this, Jiro-chan?” You smirked as Jiro fake gagged at the sight of you in his brother’s lap. 

The two younger brothers stood in the doorway timidly, Saburo holding onto the back of Jiro’s sleeve. They both had a look of physical and emotional exhaustion on their faces. 

“Alright, come on, in the hug you go,” you opened your arms wide with a smile. 

You could practically see their hearts swell with joy before they threw themselves on the bed. Tears fell on their lashes as you and Ichiro pulled them in tight. Your eyes looked back and met Ichiro’s. His gaze was filled with love and charity. You wouldn’t have it any other way.   

[harryhandstan]

where we belong

Yeah so..it’s been a year. A long and very frustrating year since one of the worst days of my life. This is just a continuation of You Bring Me Home and Harry helping me through the grief process of my aunt’s death. That was one of the first pieces of writing I ever shared and it was so incredibly personal to me. Thankful again to @bfharry​ for letting me include that in her fic event happening at the time. It was so good for me just to release that grief both then and now!

I also just owe a huge thank you to anyone else who has listened when I’ve talked about this or offered any sort of comfort. Your kindness in such a dark phase of my life means the world to me!!

This idea was born of the very strange urge I had to watch the movie I was watching with my sister that night we found out. I still haven’t been brave enough to watch it, but maybe someday.

Thank you to Miss Jill and Oliva (@havethetimeofyourstyles​, @bfharry​) for reading over this for me :) I appreciate you so much you’re the best!

//

“Linds? You home?”

He knows he’s later getting home than he said he’d be. But things on set don’t always go as planned so it had taken him longer than he imagined. He had tried to call to let you know, but when you didn’t answer his texts and your phone went through to voicemail for the third time, he assumed you were either out or gone to bed.

He drops his keys into the small bowl on the wooden table in the entryway, hears the clink of your set of keys against his and breathes a sigh of relief; you were here, safe. Not that you couldn’t venture out without him when he was busy, but he always feared the worst until you were back under the roof of your shared space.

He makes his way down the hallway into the kitchen, depositing the few grocery bags on the counter. When there’s still no sign of you, he works quickly to put away the few things you’d asked him to pick up on his way home, eager to be near you again. He notices a small round cake when he opens the refrigerator, and suddenly runs through the list of significant dates the two of you had accumulated over the past couple of years you’d spent together. Had he forgotten one? An anniversary of something that was important to you? Were you upset with him for forgetting, waiting somewhere for him to remember and apologize?

His hands work faster now, and when he goes to put away the grocery bags, he takes time to observe the casserole dish on the stove. He lifts the foil, sees the food untouched, and recovers it before moving through the rest of the house to find you. The open layout of the kitchen and living room allows him to quickly eliminate the couch as your hiding spot. He peeks down to see the door to the bedroom ajar, the light off but a slight flicker from the TV flashes across the walls and the tension in his chest continues to unravel the closer he gets. The box fan you insisted you couldn’t sleep without was silent, so either you hadn’t heard him call earlier, or again, you’d fallen asleep while waiting for him.

He pushes aside the guilt for being late, tries to rid himself of the thought the second it appears. He doesn’t know how many times you’d reminded him of your love and pride for him and his work. It was a mantra he repeated in his head when he was away and missing you. Your voice repeating I love you, I’m proud of you, come home to me soon no matter the length of time or distance you would be apart.

He stops before entering the bedroom, removing his shoes and making his movements as quiet as possible so he doesn’t disturb you. He glances quickly into the room, hears the faint murmurs of voices from the TV. It wasn’t an unusual sight, you hated falling asleep without him and so you often found a movie or show to try to lull yourself to sleep when the fan and other things just wouldn’t do the trick. Though the noise of a movie could never be a replacement for him, it was often enough for you to rest until he returned.

What comes next absolutely terrifies him, chills him to the bone worse than the bitter cold of the December air outside. A sob, echoing through the silence he had already adjusted to. He’s by your side in a second, almost leaping to meet you. He throws the blanket back that’s covering you, no real logic behind the action other than you must be physically hurt somehow. From the cry, he expects to see blood, an open wound, some clear injury. When all he finds is you, in his faded t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, he questions again if you were sleeping, if it’s a bad dream that caused what he had heard.

But your eyes are too wide to have been resting, your face wet with fresh tears, new ones still streaming rapidly out of the corners of your eyes and down your cheeks. His heart is racing, fear laced in his voice when he kneels next to you, “S’a matter? Are you hurt?”

All you can do is wrap yourself around him, arms clinging to his neck. He tries to loosen your grip, pull you back so he can study your face, but you only clutch tighter. The panic is evident when he speaks again, “Lovie, you’re scaring me. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

You do your best to calm yourself, finally able to form words through shaky breaths, “It’s been a year, Harry.”

He frantically searches his thoughts again. A year? He tries to remember what tragic anniversary would have you this upset. That’s when he tunes in to the movie behind him, strains his ears to hear and tries to determine when he heard it last and how it could relate. It’s faintly familiar, but the tone is too light to be the only reason you’re this unsettled. 

Suddenly it hits him. How could he have abandoned a date from his head this important to you? He silently curses himself for even thinking of leaving you alone for a second today. Hates himself for ignoring the signs of your grief from the past week; the restless nights, your unusually quiet moods around him, the way you had melted into any sort of touch he offered. It was your way of seeking comfort without verbally requesting it. 

You’ve relaxed your arms enough now that he can create some space between you, just enough that he can visualize the sorrow set upon your normally joyful spirit. His voice is mixed with his own agony when he tells you, “I’m sorry. Love you so much, baby. Should’ve never left you today.”

You shush him, a gentle sign you’re not upset with him for overlooking the importance of this day. He can’t help but embrace you firmer, wishing he could absorb even a fraction of your painful heartache. He would take it all from you in an instant if he could.

The cake (which he now recalls was her favorite), the movie (he now realizes the two of you were watching the very same night a year before), this date. All reminders of what would always be one of the darkest days of your existence. 

The day your aunt had left the world too soon. The day you found out you would never see her beaming smile or hear her laugh or share a meal or create another cherished memory with her.

//

“Did you talk to your family today?”

“Yeah, FaceTimed my sister for a bit. Called my mom too, and my Nanna and Aunt Donna. It was nice to talk to them about her, share some stories.” He’s laying with you now, you curled against his side. The movie is still playing, set on a low volume, neither one of you paying much attention to it.

His eyes are closed but you know he’s still awake and listening by the way his hand rests on your back, occasionally working over that spot to soothe you as you talk, “But then I was alone and started thinking about that cake that she always loved. You were gone so I just walked to the bakery on the corner, not really expecting them to have it, but they did. Only one left and I started crying when I saw it in the case. Scared the poor cashier, but she was so sweet to me when I told her it reminded me of my aunt.”

“Then I came home and started thinking about that night I found out, how I was here with you and the movie we were watching. I don’t know if she had ever even seen it but..I wanted to connect with her somehow. It just made me more sad though, pulled me right back to that moment a year ago when I found out.”

“You could’ve waited for me. I would’ve watched it with you so you didn’t have to do it alone. Would’ve sent someone to pick up the cake too so you didn’t have to. Or sent a car to pick you up and bring you to set with me, s’always nice to have you there.” 

“I know. I just didn’t want to be a downer on your day. I wanted to be strong enough to get through by myself until you came home.” Tears are falling again, but you’re more in control of them now, they pool underneath where your cheek is smushed against his chest, “I miss her so much, Harry. It’s too much some days and I don’t know if it’ll ever get easier.”

“You could never be a downer to me, angel. Just because today was a little harder doesn’t mean you aren’t strong. It will get easier. You’ll always miss her, but it won’t always hurt so bad. It’ll take time to heal enough to find that balance between grief and happiness for the things that remind you of her. You’ll get to a point where you smile when you see her favorite things,” You press your face into his side, the fabric of his shirt is soft and comforting on your face, which you’re sure is red by now from crying so much throughout the day, “Will you look at me, please, love?”

When you do, he reaches to pull your hair back away from your face so that he can see it more clearly. He swipes a thumb along the top of your cheek, doing what he can to smooth away tears that have collected there, “I know how hard this year has been for you, but I also know without a doubt that she would be so proud of you, just like I am.”

“I wouldn’t have made it through a second of it without you, H. I’m only so strong because I had you to help me.”

“Maybe, but I won’t take credit for all of it, I can’t.” Your lips are dry and rough against his soft ones, but he doesn’t care, traps them gently to his once before gracing your cheek with another one.

“Saw you made dinner earlier. You weren’t hungry?”

“Not really, just needed something to keep me busy for the evening. I got too upset once I got it all done though.” You’re tracing patterns on the inside of the hand he’s offered you, knowing it’s one of your comforts, “Made that pasta you like, with garlic bread from the bakery.”

“Mhm, sounds good. With that homemade sauce you make?”

You snort, followed by a laugh at his adorably confused expression, “I’m flattered you like it so much, but it’s clearly not homemade, babe.”

“Really? This whole time you let me believe it was your own recipe?” 

“I thought you knew! You’ve literally been at the store with me when I’ve bought it. Several times, in fact. Probably even paid for it a few of those times too.”

“I feel so betrayed.” His bottom lip pokes out, a charmingly cute expression of disappointment. 

“I’m sorry. Think you can forgive me?” You're sitting up now, looking down at him. His hand is still settled in yours, and you squeeze his fingers, prompting him to look at you.

“Maybe. Definitely helps you got my favorite bread t’go with it.”

All the talk of food has your appetite returning quickly, and by the low grumble your stomach makes, it’s back in full force. If it were anyone else but Harry you were with, your cheeks would have flushed pink, but instead you just giggle.

“S’nice to hear that again, love. The laugh. Missed it, and the smile too. S’one of my favorite sights, seeing you so happy.”

“I’d be happier if we were eating pasta and garlic bread.”

“Me too.” 

The food is long cold by now, but the two of you work together to reheat everything. The smell envelops you both, chasing away the frosty chill December seemed to always bring. Harry’s already seated as you make your way to the table with your plate, and he shakes his head when you reach to pull the chair out to sit next to him. He takes your plate and sits it beside his own, tugging your wrist to guide you into his lap.

It’s the most normal, natural thing to him, to have you so close. He loops an arm behind your back to hold you securely there, “Saved you a seat with me instead, baby.”

You don’t suppress the blush now, can’t stop it from blooming scarlet across your face. He lifts his fork, gathering a bite you expect him to fill his own mouth with. Instead he brings it to yours, a beaming grin when you bend to accept it.

“What are you doing? Harry, I can feed myself. I’m not a child.” You drape one arm around his shoulders to steady yourself.

“‘Course you can, just missed you today. Wanna make it up to you that we spent the day apart,” He stuffs the second bite into his mouth before pointing his fork at you, “And y’coming with me tomorrow, won’t have m’girl sitting here bored and alone in this cold house. I’ll treat ya to dinner at that little Mexican place you love. Or if you’d rather have somethin’ else..”

You wrap your arms around him for the second time that evening, surprising him, making his fork clatter to his plate when he drops it to wrap his other arm around you, temporarily forgetting the meal to hug you back. You’re content to just let him hold you for a minute, relaxing your body to conform to his. Your chin rests on his shoulder and you finally turn your head to kiss his neck before letting go to cup his face with both of your hands. 

You kiss him..once, twice, and on the third one he’s smiling, an amused smirk crossing his face before he asks, “What s’all this for, lovie?”

“I love you, Harry, more than you’ll ever know.”

“I love you too, peach.”

Maybe there was a wound, not visible, that may never fully heal, but made significantly smaller by this man who you’re certain loved you more than anyone ever had. The man who kissed you a fourth time before feeding you a bite of garlic bread and reluctantly letting you transfer yourself from his lap to the chair next to him. He doesn’t even flinch when you prop your feet in his lap, just grins down at the mismatched socks covering your feet. 

The grin widens when he realizes they’re his socks keeping your toes warm. Loves that after a year of grief and distress, you remember exactly where you belong.

[melancholymaz]

Enceinte (3)

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader 

Summary: Now at 16 weeks in your pregnancy, The avengers have been taking the Uncle and Aunty role with pride, With your nursery being built and painted. But it’s game night and what better way to do that than have the avengers have a sleepover? 

Warnings: Sad!Nat turns into Soft!Nat and couldn’t help but end it in domestic!Avengers. Swearing and Bucky and Steve cheating at Uno. Also talks of parents disowning their child.

Y/S/P = Your sexual preference 

A/N: Here’s part 3! I am so deeply sorry it’s taken this long! Enjoy!

Deciding to live in the compound while pregnant has been both a blessing and a curse. Unfortunately with your parents having disowned you when you came out as Y/S/P, you didn’t have very many people to tell, besides a few friends and cousins, To which they were ecstatic. 

The positives are that Nat doesn’t miss a thing as her and the team have decided to only go on missions unless necessary. So now they can be there for milestones or help if you ever need it. Even Carol has decided to stay until her niece or nephew is born. You and Natasha have both been reading pregnancy and baby books and even Tony had the two of you sleep in a spare room temporarily as him and the team combine your room with the vacant one next door for the baby’s nursery which is now ready to decorate. In about 3 weeks you’ll be having your gender reveal, as you and Nat had agreed you were far too excited to wait to see if your baby was a boy or a girl. Despite it being your first pregnancy, Your 16 week baby bump was very much noticeable, and now  you didn’t look like you ate too much the night before, like you did when your bump was first starting to grow.

You’ve been keeping as active as you could, doing mild workouts during the day to keep as fit as you can. You’ve noticed your skin has become a bit more clearer, as the ‘pregnancy glow’ makes it’s mark.  Sometimes you’ll have random blood noses, which is normal as Dr Cho had to convince Nat a hundred times, but it didn’t make them any less annoying. Warm baths and back massages had become your best friend as your bump starts to grow, If your back pain is bad now you dread the pain that is to come. You’ll even become dizzy at random points during the day, and it’s handy having the avengers around to easily catch you if you start to sway. 

You’ve started wearing maternity clothes, to which Nat loves. Your choice in bras have become different thanks to your ever growing breasts, and she loves finding new ways to take them off as fast as she can. The only thing she loves to pout about is the fact you’ve started sleeping on your left side, as now it’s rare she gets to see your face as you both lay in bed together. That doesn’t stop her from rubbing and talking to the baby every night though. 

Finishing up in the gym for the day, you wipe your forehead to rid the sweat and take a swig from your drink bottle, taking a breather before you say goodbye to Steve and Bucky who are both training together. Making your way to Your’s and Nat’s bedroom, you pass Wanda and Carol in the hallway, who asks you how you were feeling and if you needed anything, much to your gratitude.

As you enter your room you immediately notice somethings wrong. You hear a sniffle before a soft cry, and you notice it’s coming from the nursery. A frown settles on your face as you walk in and you can’t help the feeling of your heartbreaking a little. There Nat sit’s in the middle of the empty room crying, staring up at the half finished Winnie the pooh themed wall mural Steve has started, making sure to leave a spot blank to paint the baby’s name when you and Nat have decided on one. 

“Babe? What’s the matter?” You ask, slowly coming up behind her, placing your hands on her shoulders, softly peering at her face. Her puffy eyes look up at you and she gives you a small sad smile. “I thought I was the one that was supposed to be emotional.” 

“I’m sorry, I just came in here to see the mural but then I couldn’t help but think how surreal all of this is. I mean I never would have thought 2 years ago that you’d be my girlfriend much less pregnant with our first child. I mean all my life I thought I’d never have kids much less a partner. I used to have nothing, and now I’ve got this job... and this, family that couldn’t love us any more.” 

“It does seem a bit crazy doesn’t it.” You say softly, lightly massaging her shoulders as she lets a few more tears fall. You know the best thing right now is to just comfort her and let her have her moment. 

“I am so incredibly lucky to have the team, and you, and especially our baby. Everything I’ve ever wanted right here and I don’t know how or why I deserve it.” 

“To be quite honest with you my love I think we’re the lucky ones. To have someone so loving and forgiving like you is definitely rare. Beans going to have the most protective and playful mama, and I think I can speak for the team when I say there’s no one that could ever replace you. You deserve all of this, The team, the family and most importantly me and our baby.” You tell her honestly, placing her hand on your bump. 

“You think so?” She asks with so much uncertainness. 

“I know so.” You smile, to which she returns. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” Nat replies, the soft smile on her face as she looks up at you. 

“Yeah, multiple times.” You smile. “Now come on, we’re gonna go have a shower and go see the team, It’s game night.” 

“Yes Ma’am.” 

-

“This game is bullshit!” Sam screams, slamming his uno cards on the table before standing up and kicking his chair. “He’s cheating!! There is no way he can win game 5 times in a row!! He just picked up 4 cards!” 

“Stop being a sore loser.” A smug Bucky says, taking joy in his friends rage. 

“Stand up and clean out your pockets.” You demand, also annoyed at your friend. Bucky does as you say with a smug smile on his face, pulling his pockets from his shorts and jumper, proving he didn’t cheat. When he sit’s down however, you catch something in the corner of your eye and you shake your head with scoff when Steve subtly high fives Bucky under the table. Nat must have seen it to, because she too shakes her head and speaks up. 

“Steven, my lovely captain.” Natasha says albeit too sweetly. 

“Yes Nat?” He replies, probably too quickly to come off as nonchalant.

“Would you like to stand up and empty your pockets too?” I finish instead, smiling at the blonde who looks at Bucky then stands and does the same, which ends in him pulling out roughly 10 cards from his sweatpants pocket. 

“Are those Bucky’s Cards?” Wanda asks, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. 

“...no?” Steve replies. “They’re mine?” 

“Steve is that or is it not Bucky’s cards?” Carol asks this time, her face stern, which you know is making Steve slightly panic. You see Bucky staring at Steve, almost daring him to lag on him. 

“Okay fine. Buck and I made a deal that I would help him win because he always loses and he’s sick of Sam and Y/N always winning.” Steve confesses ashamedly, Bucky’s eyes widening in betrayal. 

“I KNEW IT!!” Sam yells. Nat just stares dumbfounded, meanwhile Tony, Rhodey and Bruce just watch things unfold shaking their head in disappointment, Wanda and Carol stand up and start packing up the Uno cards as they both know no one will want to play after this. You, however, stare at Bucky with betrayal and hurt. 

“You always say you want me to win! This is discrimination against pregnant women.” You joke, to which Nat laughs behind you. 

“I think he wanted you to win so the baby will be named after him.” Rhodey inputs. 

“Definitely won’t be now.” You say to which Bucky frowns. “Sorry pal lost your chance.” 

“What-” 

“Yeah because we all know the baby’s gonna be named after me.” Tony interrupts Bucky, pouring himself a drink at the bar. 

“Jokes on all of you, we’re not naming the baby after any of you.” Nat replies, smiling matter-of-factly after nearly everyone looks at her offended.  “You all suck.” 

“Besides me.” Carol says, sticking her hand up. 

“No definitely you.” Is Rhodey’s reply, causing Carol to throw the uno cards at him. Everyone begins to move into the common room, deciding to chill before someone picks a movie. 

“Speaking of the baby, what’s the update?” Steve walks in, handing Wanda the chip bowl, who thanks him quietly. 

“Well, Bean should be starting to hear sounds now hopefully, muscles are getting stronger and should be having coordinated arm and leg movement.” You explain, the team listening attentively. 

“And Bean is now the size of an apple!” Natasha quickly adds. 

“Seriously can’t wait to be an uncle.” Tony says, scratching his greying goatee. “How are you wanting to do the gender reveal?” 

“Well so far it’s just gonna be all of us, Pete, Clint and his family, Fury, Sharon and Maria. Thor too if he’s back in time from Asgard. We’ll get Dr. Cho to put the respective colour in a big balloon and we’ll have like mini games and just have a fun time with all of us.” Nat explains. The team nods, and you can see Tony’s gears in his head rolling, probably just promoted himself the event planner. 

“There is to be no one invited without our permission.” You direct to Tony, who just nods. 

Just an hour later you and the team have all set up mattresses and blankets all over the common room, deciding to have a sleepover all together. Bruce and Rhodey as an exception as they believe they’re “too old” to have sleepovers. You and Nat set up on the end of all the mattresses, in case need to go toilet during the night. You’re surprised everyone agreed to do it, considering they’re the earths mightiest heroes. 

-

As the end credits of the fourth movie rolls around, you look around to see everyone but you and Nat have fallen asleep. You move back down and start to wiggle around to find a comfortable spot, but end up failing miserably. 

“You okay babe?” Nat asks, lightly rubbing your back after you groan for the third time. 

“Just can’t seem to get comfortable.” You mumble back, trying to fall asleep. 

“Would you like me to go get your new pregnancy pillow?” She asks laying her head on your shoulder, to which you nod softly. Nat gives you a kiss on the cheek before she stands and steps over you to go get your pillow from your shared room. When she comes back a few minutes later, she helps you position yourself and when you finally find a comfortable spot, you can’t help but sigh in relief. 

“Thank you my love.” You mumble, already drifting off. 

“Go to sleep Malysh, I’ll try to not keep you awake while I say goodnight to Bean.” Nat whispers, already moving down to talk to your bump. You hum in goodnight before you drift off into a deep slumber. 

Malysh = Baby