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dippedanddripped · 4 years ago

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A Q&A With Keary Kase On Pioneering Hip Hop In Portland

Trenton, NJ born rapper Keary Kase is now pioneering hip hop from Portland, Oregon. After having been involved in a Nike ad campaign that featured him on Billboards across the US, Keary’s singles began to top the radio charts. He began to work with artists like The Wutang Clan and producers Bosko and Non-Stop Da Hitman. Most recently, he partnered with Adidas designers in Portland to develop ‘Reder’ – an athletic apparel brand with focus on CBD delivery systems for athletes who are recovering from injuries.

We had the chance to sit down with Keary Kase to talk about Portland’s thriving hip hop scene, his Nike campaign, and what fans and followers can expect in 2020.

Tell us a little bit about the hip hop scene in Portland. We’d love to know more!

Portland hip hop has so many facets, I’m not sure where to begin. We do have a solid foundation of originals, like Mic Crenshaw, Cool Nutz, Mellenium (Kenny Mack), Maniac Lok, Bosko, Vursatyl, X-Kid, DJ Wicked, Pete Miser and myself, who are still active.

Having strong artists, who have made careers in Hip Hop, as role models and idols allows the kids to aspire to become musical artists. Without these examples, the endless call to normalcy and job security (which we all now know is B/S) by pretty much EVERYBODY, would lead these young Ore-guns to self doubt and failure.

Mike Capes, Swiggle Mandela, Drae Steve’s, JR Patton and Keith Canvas are a few Portland artists to check out.

Right now, a lot of artists are showing support to the BLM movement using their voices to speak, rather than rap to those participating in protests, rallies and such.

How do you feel being originally from the east coast has affected your musical style?

In my embryonic years, I saw myself as an east coast rapper. I felt like, with the exception of rappers like Ice T, Too Short, NWA and The DOC, west coast rappers were mostly basic compared to east coast rappers. They had KRS, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick (my favorite golden era rapper), Special ED, Kool G Rap & Polo, RAKIM!!! Plus WBLS used to play all the hot new shit off the block.

I was enamored by east coast swagger and tone. The slang and accent was natural for me because my entire family spoke with it. My ability to slip in and out of the style made me different in Portland.

In the early 90’s I started spending time in LA. I was slanging FIMO beads to tourists at Venice Beach in the daylight and going to clubs and shows at night. I met this dude named Self Jupiter at this summer festival called The African Marketplace, where I was selling jewelry and celebrating my black youth. Jupiter was a member of a rap group called Freestyle Fellowship. He gave me a tape. After I listened to it, my entire opinion of west coast hip hop was turned upside down. I witnessed west coast rappers like Volume 10, WC, Divine Styler, Cypress Hill and E40 change the game. I became influenced by them and my style was set free. I became open to all influences, no matter if they came from the east, west, northwest, midwest or south.

Tell us more about the Nike ad campaign you were featured in. How did that come about?

One day I was leaving my boy Tommy Hestmark’s studio in downtown Portland. I was walking down the street with my back straight and my chest and chin up, as all men and women should. This guy approached me and said “excuse me, can I talk to you?” I looked at him sideways and he says “no, no. It’s just…. Your face is CRAZY!” I squinted as if to say “do you hear yourself fool?” He pulls out a card and explains that he owned a modeling agency and he thought my look was money. He asked me to call to schedule a test shoot. I called and scheduled the shoot. When I went there, he asked me if I was wearing boxers. I confirmed, then he asked me if I would take some test shots in my boxers. I’m thinking this dude is either going to proposition me for sex or he wants to see if I can be the next face of Calvin Klein. I gambled on Calvin Klein and agreed to take the pics. We walked into a hall and he said “you can get undressed here,” then walked away. So there I stood baring all that my boxers would not cover, with my clothes in a small pile on the floor. I heard footsteps, then an attractive woman appears holding a camera. It was his wife. She told me where to stand , took a couple quick pics and said “Keary, you’re a machine,” then allowed me to get dressed and walked me out.

A few weeks later they called me back and said a photographer knew of me and wanted to do a martial arts shoot. There was no pay, but the photographer was well known and really good. I had no portfolio, and no published work so this was an opportunity to do TFP to add to my comp card.

The photographer, Marcus Swanson, wanted me to do a flying sidekick, which is a classic taekwondo photo kick. When I got there, there was nowhere to get a running start so I improvised and pulled it off. While I was there, a Nike scout was lurking. As I was leaving, Marcus’ assistant, Amber Geiger, mentioned a potential shoot for Nike and asked if they could do a quick polaroid. Snap snap and I was out. A few months passed by before I got a call back from my agent about the shoot. In those few months, I became a black belt, won a gold medal at the the regional national qualification tournament in the black belt dividion, then a silver medal at the US National Championship, and was leaving in a few days to go whoop everybody’s ass at the invitational US Team Trials. It didn’t play out that way but I believe being so active in the few months between the martial arts test shoot and the paid shoot is what influenced their decision to go with me for the ad campaign. We agreed on a date and time, after my return, for the shoot.

When I got back, we did the shoot. I thought it was going to be light work but it was brutal. Modeling is hardcore. I remember seeing myself on a billboard for the first time. It felt like a distant relative to masturbation. I also remember it taking forever to get my money. Agencies can be gangster. I had to make some very firm promises before I got the check. After that, our relationship became square.

You have worked with several platinum artists and producers. Do you have any memorable stories about your experiences that you’d like to share?

Hmm. I don’t like to deride or D-RIDE anyone, but there was an interesting encounter with a Wu-Tang Clan member named Cappadonna. Cappadonna, Killa Priest and a small crew they were touring with were staying at my house when they stopped through Portland. My roommate, MyG, was helping them do some business in Portland while they killed time before their next tour date. At the time, we had a lil 5 bedroom spread with 2 recording studios in it, so we let their whole crew crash at the spot. The house was already like a revolving door for whoever was on tour in the NW. Artists could come through while in town and collab, get local pub through us and be blessed with some Oregon grown greeneries for the road.

So this was the first time we met (Cappadonna & I). I was taking acting classes at the time so I was gone when they pulled up. When I got home after class, Cappadonna was in the booth. I walked in the room and he started talking wild like “aye yo break that nigga watch!…stab that nigga!” I’m standing in a room full of dudes, with New York energy, that I don’t know, so I assumed he was talking about me. I dip out to my room and get a screwdriver just so I have something in my hand incase things go left. A few minutes pass, then MyG tells Cappadonna to move on to the next part. At this moment I realize he’s in character and not talking about me at all. Killah Priest enters the room. We introduce ourselves and dap up. He asks me what I do and I tell him that I’m in acting school. When Cap comes out, KP says “this is Kase, he’s an actor.” They gave each other a look that, to me , expressed what he spoke as “this is Kase, he’s a fake nigga.”

Granted, I’ve been a skater since day 1, so I understand that some black people (especially at the time) associate being a black skater with being less black or more white. With that in mind, I let what he said breeze by.

After we blessed up, we got to the business. Bosko had let me hold a beat that I wrote a sticky verse to; Cappa liked it so I let him put a hook on it. Me and KP did a DOPE song on a track that this dude named Smoke produced. It sounded like some official Wu-affiliate shit. MyG lost the session so none of that material was ever released.

The next day the energy still felt suspect. Like they thought I was a suburban negro, lol. I took them to the block, which is now gentrified, but was still hood at the time. Cappa called my whip a 666. It was the same Denali XL with the same 26” Trump Spinners that was in the video for the song he was promoting at the time, but mine was cleaner. It seemed like he felt a way about it. We went to my mom’s restaurant, where Cappa requested a Psalms verse from my mother. She said “how about a Revelation,” and laced all of us.

I dropped them at the barber shop to get faded and bladed. When they came out, the energy was different. Cappadonna got in and said “you know your hood and your hood knows you. He said you put your moms in that restaurant, didn’t you?” I just looked at him and put my hand out. We dapped up and the respect, which was first being given by me and received by him, suddenly felt mutual.

Cappadonna is a wise dude and a beast MC. I asked him questions related to his lyrics. He explained to me what “God Degree” and “7:30” meant and told me the story of the origin of his name. You might be able to detect that I’m most definitely still a Wu-Tang fan, although I liked his earlier work. KP knows what I mean by that.

Tell us about your involvement with the CBD industry and your views on how it can be a therapeutic tool for people?

CBD is my go-to treatment for a number of conditions. If I am anxious, I use a non-psychoactive tincture. This gives me a general sense of well-being, without making me feel altered or high. I feel like myself on a good day. If I need to restful sleep, I employ a cannabinoid rich CBD blend that allows me to drift off into REM without jumping up 100 times to make sure the garage door is closed (or whatever). Using CBD is like taking premium vitamins.

In 2019, I started a company called Nina Botanica with a material designer who works for Adidas in Portland. I began researching how to use compression technology as a CBD delivery system for athletic injury rehabilitation. There are some products on the market that offer a similar product, but none that fully address the issues of muscle strains, tears and associated pain that can knock an athlete off of their game. What sets us apart is, our CBD compression system has a lifetime guarantee. You can use it until you’re tired of using it.

We also designed a pod based delivery system, called the NINA , with Shenzen based technology company Smoore. The smart hexagonal pod + cartridge system uses inductive charging in place of the industry standard USB to power up.

Due to COVID-19 and our current bout with systemic racism, the techy products will be in preliminary production until mid-late 2021.

Tell us about your latest project “Craze”. Who is involved and what inspired it?

I was a week back on after being off music for years. Just getting my lungs back, not planning on dropping anything yet; just warming up. An artist named Uneek, who had been my mentee for several years, reached out. He was talking about how he blew all of his savings on medical expenses for his seed and how William, Lil Willi and Big Bill were all coming for him at once. He had just got robbed in Atlanta, so he was shy about who he could trust in Portland.

Uneek asked me to help him to rebrand himself and act as a manager, as I did in the beginning of his career. Since he had just found the strength to come out about his sexual identity, he wanted to look to the LBGTQ community for support. Since that was outside of my sphere of influence, I decided to help him generate some traffic in his home studio, offering tracking and mixing as an engineer. I told him we could put out a mixtape to re-introduce him to his followers and the rest of the world. I got 15 tracks from producers, Sixteen and J Doe. I wanted to see how serious he was about his career so I told him to put hooks on all 15. He would send me a rough lyric or melody, then I would write or rewrite the lyrics then massage the melody and coach him on how to execute it. After he did it, I would chop it and arrange it in a Logic, while I was on the road.

Once the mixtape concepts were in the bag, I told him we needed a real record to kick it off. There was a lot of material in his catalog, but nothing that sounded like a hit single to me.

He got a track from this lil dude named 64 and put a hook on it that had us laughing. He was like “yeah this track sound like something Da Baby would get on.” It wasn’t my style, really, but I kept getting drawn into the drums. I let the first line go off the top then it seemed like the rest of the lyrics were just there. We called it “She A Thot.” It dropped on all platforms back in April of this year.

Craze, the follow up single, manifested itself off of the vibe we were on after “She A Thot” dropped. 64 had sent us a 3 pack of beats so it had some of the same feel as the others, however, the “Craze” beat was much more elegant than the other two.It was like the bigger, sexier, more mature and pondering sister of the “She A Thot” beat.

When I started writing, I felt the beat asking me to confess. It was saying “tell your truth, Kase.” The melody in my head was so balanced that I just let it drive through the first verse. I remembered, as a young man, being so caught up in hustling that I lost my compassion for people. I reflected on how I had spent the last decade, since my first daughter was born, re-approaching life with more compassion.

Whatever you have done in your past does not define you. But sometimes it’s good to talk about it. Black people have traditionally been afraid of counseling or therapy. Mostly because of our trust issues with the people providing those services. I strongly suggest talking to someone about the things that trouble you. My uncle Jeff calls it “dumping.”

Music is my therapy. Dumping is my new craze.

What artists are you listening to right now and why?

I like listening to new music. I’m listening to Lil Durk, Pop Smoke, Amine, Jack Harlow, etc. But that’s like research for me. I like to see and hear what the big dogs are investing in. But right now, I’m developing a K-Pop artist, so I’m listening Big Hit Entertainment’s people. I’m about to go over there and liberate some musical slaves. (*artists)

But I still listen to Sade.

What’s next for you in 2020? What can fans look forward to?

I’m dropping a mixtape later this month. I may be doing a record + video with Compton artist, AD in the next few weeks. We’re still working out the details, but he’s doing real good right now.

Other than that, I’m developing a young K-Pop idol named Kiari. That genre is making big waves. I’m also looking at television as a next play. I have a pocket ace in the Chinese market that I’m keeping tucked. Oh I’m doing business with China. Sorry Chump…I mean, Sorry Trump. No, wait, I had it right the first time.

#keary kase #pdx hiphop artist #pdx artist #portland oregon #music blog

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staytheb · 5 years ago

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Pairing: TBZ’s Sangyeon x OC [Yeon] Genre: slice of life, slight fluff Word Count: 4,580 Summary: Yeon shows up to work on her first day already late, but more important she already made a bad impression on her boss. What’s worst is that now he wants her to write a report from last year’s information and she’s not sure if she’s gonna be able to keep the job.

Warning: none, swear words lol

just like Errands, this story is new and then again not new. it takes place around the same time as Errands as i had wanted it to be a two main character sort of thing, but it just never got completed or well thought out. i had originally wrote this with another idol in mind and had changed it to Sangyeon as i wanted someone else and he seemed to quite fit it. also, didn’t want this thing to be forgotten and not share. so i may or may not continued this into further like Errands and will just let it be for now. other than that, happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

"I'm late. I'm late. I'm so fuckin' hella late." Yeon muttered as she sped walk through the underground parking garage towards the elevators once she was dropped off by her sister, Seul, not that long ago.

"It's my first day on the job, and yet here I am already running late and shit. Fuck my life."

Yeon continued in slight frustration with her focus still on making to the elevators as fast as possible without paying attention to her surrounding as she was so focused on her ranting. This caused Yeon to be tunneled vision that she didn't notice or hear a car coming up just a row behind as the vehicle practically slammed its break immediately upon seeing her after she had passed the said row. The driver honked at her and although alert she was still in a flustered state, Yeon momentarily stopped in her tracks and stomped the front bumper of the car out of annoyance.

"Watch where you're going, Stupid Head!" She spat in disgust before jogging the rest of the way.

Sangyeon raised an eyebrow with a disapproving shake of his head.

"People these days have no self-awareness."

He looked left and right to make sure there was no other person in view so that he could drive on before Yeon had popped out of no where.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The elevator door opened and Yeon quickly smoothed out her clothing before exiting the lift and headed towards the receptionist's desk with a calm smile.

"Hello. I'm Yeon Lee and I'll be starting today." Yeon introduced herself while lifting her ID badge so the young woman could notice it. "I'm just not sure where to report to."

"Ah, just give me one moment, Ms. Lee."

The receptionist, Haeyoon, smiled at her before returning to her computer screen to type in the information.

"May I see your badge again please?"

"Uh, yes."

Yeon lifted the plastic item for Haeyoon to scan the barcode of her employee card before returning to her computer to look up the information. Yeon watched Haeyoon as she inputted the necessary information before printing out something and handing it over to Yeon.

"You're actually at NEOZ Group here and the one that you'll be reporting to will be with CREK.ERZ Group instead. " Haeyoon explained. "If you walk down that corridor, then you'll be greeted with a Chahee Park and she'll direct you to where you should be."

"Oh, okay. Thank you. I didn't realize there were more than one." Yeon thanked her with a sheepish smile.

"No worries and it's okay. For some reason a lot of people think NEOZ is the main entrance when there's actually four entrances in total."

"Ah, okay. Um, thank you once again, Ms. Park." Yeon thanked her after seeing her name placard to the side before heading to where she needed to go.

As she walked down the hallway, Yeon wondered how big this place that it had four entrances and two different companies within it. Anyways, when she finally made it to the other end and entered a different part of the complex she finally saw another receptionist desk. She walked up the area and spotted the placard with the name Chahee Park on it.

"Hello." Chahee greeted Yeon with a smile upon noticing her walk up. "How may I help you?"

"Hello. Um, a Haeyeoon Park from NEOZ Group gave me this." Yeon replied while handing over the piece of paper that she was given earlier.

"Alright, just give me one moment."

Chahee took the paper and read its content. She then inputted something into her computer and shot Yeon a patient smile before her attention went back onto the monitor before her. After a few more clicks, Chahee reached over to pull out a drawer, grabbed a file after sifting through it, and handed the manila folder towards Yeon with a smile.

"Alright, you're all set, Ms. Lee." Chahee stated before gesturing in the direction that she should head over to.

"If you walk along this way to my right and out through those doors and into another part of the building, then you'll be heading to the seventh floor and Mr. Lee will inform you about your position as I have already notified him of your arrival."

"Thank you so much, Ms. Park." Yeon thanked her with a grateful smile. "Have a great day."

"The same to you as well."

Yeon shot her another friendly smile before heading on over to the way that Chahee had informed her about. After exiting the doors of the previous building she was in and making her way along the pathway to the next building over, Yeon calmly psyched herself up as she headed towards the elevators. She pressed the button for the seventh floor once she was inside and let out a deep breath as random thoughts crossed her mind.

"Kwangin better not have set me up with some workaholic boss or something because if he did, I'ma strangle him when this day's over. That depends if I even get to keep the job as I'm still hella late."

A sound dinged indicating she reached her designated floor and on the other side stood Sangyeon already waiting for her.

"Oh, hello." Yeon greeted him with a smile. "You must be Mr. L-"

"Stupid Head." Sangyeon interjected with a smirk upon recognizing the female from earlier.

The smile upon Yeon's face diminished upon recalling that particular event that happened not too long ago. She groaned inwardly already knowing she just gave him a bad first impression of herself before she even officially started. Yeah, she was not getting this job at the end of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sangyeon led Yeon around the department as he introduced her to the other staff and informed her about the office procedures. Yeon also learned that she would be working directly under him and assumed she would be just another worker like the others she had just been introduced to until she was led to the desk just outside his office.

"Staring today, Ms. Lee, you'll be working as my secretary." Sangyeon explained as she unconsciously let out her confusion of what he had just said.

"You're what now?"

"My secretary." Sangyeon repeated as he gave her an analytical look. "Ms. Lee, were you not aware of the position you were hired for?"

Yeon debated if she should lie or not and went with the latter as to not add more to her already bad first impression.

"Unfortunately no, I was not, Mr. Lee. I was only told that I would be working at KC Corp and nothing more."

Yeon watched as Sangyeon turned to the side to let out a few controlled breaths before facing her with a weird smile.

"Well then, Ms. Lee, luckily for you, you were specifically and personally handpicked for this position due to a very high recommendation."

Yeon didn't question it as she did have a funny feeling about this whole thing as she only filled out an application and didn't even get an interview. All she knew was that she was told straightaway that she got the job a few days later after giving her application to Kwangjin about two weeks ago.

"Now, Ms. Lee," Sangyeon gestured at the large pile of manila folders about a half a foot or so tall on the desk she would be occupying, "I would like for you to go through all of these and sort them out accordingly as the previous secretary was unable to do her job accurately."

"Okay. Anything in particular I should be looking for when sorting them out?"

"Yes. Write a report based on the information within these folders of the cash flow transactions of CRE.KERZ Group along with its association to the groups within KP Corp. Please compare the transactions from last year to now and a monthly break down comparison of this year's transaction. Afterwards, present to me your finding when you're done with that."

Yeon nodded as Sangyeon continued speaking.

"Hold all my calls for today. If any visitors, then please turn them away. I do not want to be disturb unless it's lunch time. Knock three times before entering."

Yeon mentally took note of it all with a nod indicating that she had acknowledged his words.

"Also, postpone today's and tomorrow's meetings and reschedule them at the earliest convenience."

Yeon nodded again for affirmation and was about to ask Sangyeon about the whole online software that kept all of the data that he had mentioned earlier, but her boss had already walked away and into his office with a soft slam behind him. She let out a sigh as she sat at her desk while staring at her computer screen.

"Crap. He didn't even tell me my login info.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thank you so much, Chanhee."

Yeon thanked her new co-worker as the male had spent at least an hour in helping her with the program and logging in which was basically her employee number as the username and the password was the last digits of her social security.

"No problem, Yeon. Glad to be of help."

Chanhee smiled as he let Yeon back onto her computer as he lingered around her desk a little longer.

"Is there anything else you'll need help with?"

"I don't think so." Yeon answered while scanning all the contents on the monitor before remembering some things.

"Ah, could you help me out with a few things that Mr. Lee asked me to do?"

"Sure."

Chanhee answered her questions along with explaining how things work and how to operate it. He finally let her control the computer when she finally got the hang of it. Yeon opened up the e-mail page to send out the e-mails in regards of the rescheduling Sangyeon's meetings for today and tomorrow while also opening up a word document to work alongside her when she went over the stack of files before casting Chanhee a smile.

"Thank you once again. You're really super helpful."

"You're welcome and glad to be of a service."

Chanhee was about to walk back to his own area when he heard Yeon call for his name.

"Yes?"

Yeon opened the first folder she saw and it had so many numbers on it. She showed it to Chanhee with a hopeful expression.

"How good are you with numbers and do you think you can explain a little more stuff to me about the transaction and KP Corp itself?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeon was in the middle of writing the report after much help from Chanhee when her attention was called away from the computer monitor to someone loudly knocking at her desk to get her attention. Yeon thought it may have been Chanhee or another co-worker, but her expression remained the same when she glanced up to see a young woman standing there instead.

"Hello. How may I help you?"

"I'm here to see Sangyeon." The woman stated with a slight haughty attitude.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but Mr. Lee isn't seeing any visitors today."

The woman crossed her arms across her chest while giving Yeon a condescending look.

"Well, tell him that his fiancee is here to see him. He'll see me if you mention that."

Yeon found it odd upon hearing that as Sangyeon did tell her to turn away all visitors and didn't make any exceptions, especially for a fiancee.Yeon decided not to buzz it in to her boss and opted to do it face to face instead since she didn't want to get involved if something went down between her boss and this woman.

"Please give me one moment."

Yeon feigned a polite smile while standing up and making her way over to Sangyeon's office. She knocked three times and waited a second or two before entering. She closed the door behind her for more privacy so that the woman couldn't overheard anything.

"Yes, Ms. Lee?"

Sangyeon briefly glanced up from his work to gaze at her before returning them to the papers laid out in front of him.

"It's too early for lunch and I hope you have a good reason to be in here unless it concerns the report I asked of you."

"Um, it's not about the report, but your fiancee is h-"

"My what?"

Sangyeon looked up with a confused expression.

"Your fiancee."

Yeon repeated with a calm tone.

"I don't have a fiancee, Ms. Lee."

"Well the woman outside is claiming that she's your fiancee and would like to see you. She said that you would see her if I told you that."

Sangyeon abruptly got up from his chair and marched his way over to discreetly peeked through the blinds to see who this woman was. Yeon somehow found it amusing for some odd reason, but kept quiet and suppressed a laugh from escaping. She heard him let out a soft curse, but missed what he had actually said afterwards. He swiftly faced Yeon and she shied away from the intense look he gave her.

"Tell her I'm not in." Sangyeon told Yeon.

"That's not possible as I've been in here for more than a few seconds and she would know if you were in or not, Mr. Lee." Yeon remarked with a casual tone.

"Tell her I'm busy and having a conference call at the moment then."

"Okay."

Yeon was about to exit the office, but Sangyeon's voice had her turning around to face him again.

"Her name is Nayoung Im and make note of this as I will not repeat myself. Always turn her away and anyone associating themselves with her."

"Okay." She answered not really sure if this was gonna be a usual thing.

Yeon left closing the door softly behind her. She walked back to her desk, but didn't sit back down and stood behind it instead to face the woman to give them space if something should occur.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Lee is busy and in a conference call at the moment. I apologize for your wait, but he cannot meet with you today."

"Did you not tell him who I was? I'm his fiancee." Nayoung repeated with a urgent tone. "Tell him that a Nayoung Im is here to see and speak with him."

"Ma'am, I'm very well aware of that fact, but there's nothing I can do for you as I already let him know of your presence. Still though, he's preoccupied and I don't know when he'll be free to meet with you."

Yeon noticed how Nayoung clenched her fists as her jaw worked out of annoyance, but calmed herself down a few seconds later.

"I'll be back and he'll have to talk to me. Mark my words."

Nayoung cast Yeon a dark look before she turned away on her heels and almost looked like she stomped away in a tantrum-like fit. Yeon let out a sigh and shook her head hoping that she wouldn't have to deal with that woman ever again. She sat back down and resumed her work already wishing for the day to be over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luckily, the Nayoung woman didn't come back and Yeon was able to progress well on her workload. Of course she couldn't deny the fact that she had several of her new co-workers stop by and chit-chat with her. Majority of them being helpful like Chanhee while others were curious about how she ended up as Sangyeon's new secretary since it was a tough screening process. While the rest were envious and wished they could have been the one to be his new secretary, the others were not. Yeon just now knew to steer clear of those that wanted her position.

Just an hour before lunch time rolled around Sangyeon opened his office door and peered at the back of Yeon's head wondering when she was going to deliver his meal to him. He could have buzzed her, but he was slightly annoyed already as his new secretary was already ten minutes late with his food. Also he was wondering when he'll get the report. He figured she would have had it done by now with how Kwangjin praised her work ethics. Of course, she did have to deal with his ex-girlfriend and it was her first day on the job so Sangyeon let it slide for now.

Then again, Yeon wasn't as bad as his last secretary who always pestered him every fifteen minutes to check up on him disrupting his and others' working hours. She also matched her schedule with his to appear like they had some secret office romance going on when they didn't. It was seriously a hassle to deal with. Anyways, Sangyeon made his way over to Yeon and stood off to the side until she noticed him. Yeon didn't noticed him as she was too busy typing away at the keyboard to get the report done for him. Sangyeon coughed to get her attention a few seconds later, but he failed in capturing her attention. He coughed louder this time around getting her attention and she glanced over her shoulder at her boss.

"Yes, Mr Lee?"

"Do you know what time it is?" He asked as Yeon's attention glanced to her computer monitor for the time.

"Ah, let's see. It's eleven-fifty-three." She answered while resuming her typing without returning her gaze back onto Sangyeon.

"Your meal should be here soon. The usual delivery guy is out and they sent a different person. He just got stuck in traffic and so he's running a little."

As she finished explaining the situation the phone rang and she immediately picked it up.

"Hello, this is Yeon Lee of the Accounting Department of CRE.KERZ Group. How may I help you?"

Sangyeon watched Yeon indifferently while awaiting his lunch even though doing that wouldn't make time go faster and get the actual food into his stomach. It wasn't until he heard his secretary tell the person on the other line to send up the person to their floor. After the call, Yeon faced her boss with a polite smile.

"Your food is here. I'll be right back with it."

She went to fetch the items, returned shortly afterwards while setting her own order onto her desk, and presented Sangyeon with the other.

"So Kwangjin told me that you like sashimi and so that's what I ordered you."

Sangyeon eyed the items in her hands before glancing at the one she had set on her desk.

"What's the other one?"

"Oh, it's fried rice balls. That's for me."

"I'll take that one instead."

He picked up the dish along with the utensils from her desk and headed back to his office, but not before announcing, "I hope that report of yours is done for me to review when lunch is over," and he closed his door with a loud click.

Yeon frowned a bit annoyed at his behavior while shooting the sashimi a disgusted look.

"I don't even like this and I thought it was his favorite. Did Kwangjin tell me wrong?"

She let out a deep sigh just at that moment Chanhee popped up beside her with a cheery tone.

"Hey, Yeon, how about we go and grab lunch together? I'll introduce you to the others from the other departments and groups."

"Sorry, Chanhee, I can't." Yeon apologized while turning to him with a half-smile. "Not hungry, but you can have this though."

She then held out the bowl for him to take which he did with a puzzled expression.

"Enjoy the meal as I still have to finish up my report for Mr. Lee. Maybe next time?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. If you need any help, then please don't be shy to let me know."

"Thanks, Chanhee, and will do."

Yeon wave him off as she returned to what she was doing before her boss interrupted her about his lunch meal. While sighing she went to take a peak at her mobile device as it was technically lunch. She saw a messaged from her sister, Seul, with food for her and that she was on her way to the same place for a job. Yeon happily left her desk to grab the rice burgers that Seul had picked up for her along with a bubble tea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Finally!" Yeon exclaimed as she hit the print button. "Took me another two hour than he wanted, but at least it's done now."

She made her way to the printer room to retrieve her report while carrying an empty folder she found while going through her desk. After punching holes in the pages to placed them into the said folder she made sure everything was all in order and not out of place. Yeon then made her way back towards her boss' office and softly knocked on it three times. She waited four seconds before actually entering this time around.

"Here's the report that you wanted, Mr. Lee."

Sangyeon glanced up at her briefly before returning to the document before him.

"I asked for that report two hours and nine minutes ago, Ms. Lee, but I originally expected it a little over three hours ago."

"But of course you did. Next time I'll make sure to deliver it on time, Mr. Lee."

She wanted to explained to him on why it took her so long due to the incompetency of his last secretary that had mixed up practically all of the files and even forgot a majority of last year's data entry. Luckily, Chanhee was able to explain and help her out a lot that she was able to get all the information needed. Yeon also wanted to mention about the influx of e-mails and calls she had to settled on his behalf. Which most of them were in regards to the rescheduling of meetings and holding of all of his calls. Still, Yeon refrained from doing so as it was her first day and it was new to her too. She opted on thinking to just place the black folder on his desk, but Sangyeon silently held out his hand for her to place it there instead to which she did. Just as she was about to bid him a goodbye, Sangyeon stopped her.

"Wait, Ms. Lee."

"Yes, Mr. Lee?"

"Please deliver these to a Yein Ahn in Sales."

Yeon waited as he finished signing the last page of the document before handing it over to her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She left his office to head on over to Sales, but realized she had no idea where that exact department was actually located. Yeon walked towards Chanhee's desk, but the male wasn't in sight. She slightly frowned as she looked for someone else to ask for directions and brightened up when she saw another helpful co-worker.

"Hi, Haknyeon." She greeted the male as Haknyeon gazed up at her from his own work with a smile of his own.

"Hi, Yeon. Need something?"

"Ah, yes. Can you tell me where Sales is? Mr. Lee wanted me to deliver something to a Yein Ahn there."

"Oh sure. There's two ways to get there based on your preference of which way to go."

Haknyeon grabbed a blank piece of paper and started writing something while explaining the two ways for Yeon.

"Okay, so the first way is to go back down to the lobby and pass the receptionist desk to the other building on the east side which is the B Building and head for the fifth floor. The other way is to take the elevator from here which we're the C Building to the third floor and cross this long hallway that connects all of the buildings together and then take that elevator to the fifth floor when you see building B."

"Which one is the quickest way?" Yeon asked not sure which route to take.

"The hallway one."

"Okay. Tha-"

"But it's the most distracting way."

"What do you mean?"

Haknyeon cast her a hidden smile.

"Let's just say don't bring your wallet."

Yeon regarded him a bit.

"Um, why do you make it sound like something illegal is going down there."

Haknyeon laughed upon hearing Yeon's words.

"I don't mean it like that, but there's a reason why it's a very long hallway that connects all the buildings together."

Before Yeon could question him about it, she heard her name being called from behind her by her boss.

"Ms. Lee, is there a reason why you're still standing here and not over at Sales like I've asked you to nearly five minutes ago?"

Feeling embarrassed she bowed to Haknyeon as a thanks while partially turning around to bow at Sangyeon in apologies.

"Going."

She scurried off without a glance back while Sangyeon cast Haknyeon a look with the latter just smiling innocently at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you actually eating while working on the clock at the same time even though lunch time is over?" Sangyeon asked Yeon when he exited his office to return her report back to her and noticed the large pile of junk food on her desk.

"Yeah." She simply replied while still biting into her choco pie with one hand as the other slowly typed out a response for an e-mail. "Why?"

"Because it's against the company's policies, Ms. Lee."

Yeon was in mid-bite when she heard the tone of voice before registering it to be her boss. She slowly faced him as she finished the bite and slowly chewed the semi-chocolate and marshmallow treat.

"Is it? I don't remember you mentioning that earlier this morning."

Yeon ended up finishing the rest of her snack and turned her attention away from Sangyeon and back to her monitor. He knew that she had already eaten lunch since she came back with another meal after he stole her meal and gave the one meant for him to Chanhee. He also knew that Haknyeon had informed her about the vending machine hallway and how his secretary now ended up with a pile of snacks and drinks because of it. Sangyeon sighed, but didn't comment again about the snacking and instead placed the folder onto her desk.

"The report was thorough and informative. Easy to follow and comprehensive. Well done, Ms. Lee." Sangyeon complimented with a firm tone. "Now, if you could write up notes for my meetings that you've rescheduled in the same manner that would be great. I'll be looking forward to your progress here at CRE.KERZ Group."

"Uh, thank you so much, Mr. Lee." Yeon said with a nod. "I look forward to my progress here as well."

Sangyeon cast her a small smile before returning to his office. Yeon before slumping into her seat. She felt tired and tensed, but assumed it was all because of the first impression she had given to Sangyeon at the parking garage. Then again just now she felt relieved in knowing that he had appreciated her work and that was a good sign. Grabbing another choco pie, Yeon noticed her phone had a new notification and she quickly went to check on it as she wanted to see the progress of her sister's job interview. Upon reading it she was thrilled that Seul got the job that she messaged her back that they needed to celebrate on their first day. After that, Yeon went about writing out a detailed meeting itinerary for her boss' upcoming meetings with a chipper mood knowing that this job was secure for the time being.

#staytheb #tbzfics #the boyz scenarios #lee sangyeon

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darisu-chan · 6 years ago

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Wait, why do you think Kim/Ron was better handled that Starco? They seem very similar if anything Starco has had more shippy moments

Oh boy.

I swore I wasn’t going to write an analysis for Kim Possible ever, but were we go!

Kim and Ron were friends for many, many years. They met in preschool and, ever since, they were extremely close. And, although the show portrays Ron as being just Kim’s sidekick, it’s clear he means so much more to her, in which is eventually reveald to be true during the movie special “A Sitch in Time” when Shego realizes the best way to win against Kim is if she separates her from Ron. During that movie we also catch glimpses of their relationship through the years, and how strong it really is. Note that though they’re super close, neither says that they’re like siblings. They just say they’re best friends. In fact, in one of the Christmas episodes, Kim kisses Ron’s cheek since they’re both under the mistletoe, and honestly Kim gave him a flirty look and Ron seemed to enjoy the kiss.

Kim and Ron had crushes throughout the show, with Ron having way more than Kim. The only two real love interests they had were Josh Mankey (Ron made fun of his name all the time), Zita and Yori. It’s never really clear if Kim and Josh actually dated, although Josh seemed interested. The same can be said of Zita and Ron. It kinda looked like they were going somewhere, and then nothing. However, let’s note that in season 3 only Yori makes an appeareance, showing clear interest in Ron, who remained pretty much oblivious lol.

Anyway. So, season 3 pretty much was a game changer. This is when the show actually starts exploring the nature of their feelings. In “Emotion Sickness” there’s a device that controls emotions which happens to make Kim fall in love with Ron. In this episode they also kiss for the first time. Ron thought about dating Kim, since he really thought she’d fallen for him for real. He realizes he’s not ready to date her. He breaks up with Kim, who gets really sad, until the device is removed. However, later on in the season they seem flirty with each other, different than before. Things that wouldn’t have needed explanation before, like Kim taking Ron as her plus one for her cousin’s wedding, and so on implied that there was something going on there. It didn’t need to be explicit for the audience to notice. I mean, guys, ten year old me noticed. I’m sure if you guys rewatch as adults, you too will get it.

Anyway, so “So the Drama” aired at the end of season 3, and this is the movie special which made them canon. What happened here? Kim wanted to finally date someone, and she happened to meet a guy by the name Eric, who was suave, cool, confident and straightforward, so she jumped into the opportunity of dating him. She wasn’t in love with him as much as she was infatuated. And because she was so hung up on Eric, she started ignoring Ron. Now, as for Ron, he was the one which rejected the idea of being with Kim earlier that season, or school year in show time. However, the moment Kim met Eric, he started getting incredibly jealous, specially when he was getting ignored by his best friend. It actually took a while for Ron to understand why he was jealous, and later one he comes to the conclusion that he does have feelings for Kim. And it isn’t anything new. They were always there inside of him, but they weren’t clear until he saw Kim apparently fall for someone else. Anyway, Ron’s despair actually is the reason why he noticed there was trouble. He goes to prom to get Kim. Eric is very dismissing with him, but Kim believes Ron, which is to show she still held Ron’s opinion higher than the new boy. The movie goes on, turns out Drakken was the one behind all the chaos, and Eric was actually a synthodrone created by Drakken. Kim and Ron get captured and Kim’s upset after realizing Eric was deceiving her all along. Ron attempts to cheer her up, saying they still can defeat Drakken, and that she will find the right guy. Kim asks him if there’s a guy for her out there, and Ron replies that there might be one out there. Then, he pauses and adds “or in here.” And since he indirectly confessed to her, Kim finally notices Ron. It’s done in a subtle way but it’s very telling. This gives Kim the confidence to break free and take down Drakken. After defeating Drakken, it is Kim who asks Ron to return to the prom, and they enter while holding hands. The other students look at them and Bonnie, who had been saying since season 1 they were probably dating, exclaims “Ha! It finally happened! Kim’s dating that loser!” (I’m paraphrasing here but I’m pretty sure she said something along these lines). They all cheer, meaning they had been shipping them for forever. A slow dance song starts (“Could It Be”), and Rufus pushes them to dance. As they dance, they progressively get closer until they stop dancing, they look at each other with lovesick expressions, their foreheads touch, and they kiss. Their expressions are very important, because you see all that they’re feeling at the moment. It’s a very beautiful scene. Also the lyrics of the song, sang by Christy Carlson, Kim’s VA fit them perfectly.

So, they kiss and that’s the end of the special.

“So the Drama” was supposed to be the finale, but Disney gave us a final season. And I believe season 4 is the game changer for me in terms of other pairings. In season 4 we actually get to see Kim and Ron in a romantic relationship and what that entails. Hell, the first episode is about Ron being insecure because he’s dating the Kim Possible and he doesn’t compare. He lies to join the football team, only to discover he’s actually very good at running and he earns the position as running-back. Other instances are Kim discussing with Ron that now that they’re dating they should go out on real dates and not keep going to Bueno Nacho all the time. Ron in one episode tells Kim she can be a model because she’s so beautiful. Kim helps Ron when his parents just decide to adopt a baby out of the blue, which greatly upsets him. In that same episode, Kim gets jealous that Yori seems interested in Ron and has to make it clear she’s his girlfriend. And so on. We see them kissing more than once. During the final special, which is about them graduating high school, Ron expresses that he’s afraid something will change in their relationship if they go to different universities. I really liked their development during the special, and at the end they both know they’ll be alright, no matter what happens.

Let’s compare them to Starco.

First of all, the only relationship drama they faced was on the special “So the Drama” and it was used as a device to get them together. They had crushes. Ron more than Kim, actually, but even then, it was obvious their friendship was more important. Besides, they were supportive of each other’s crushes (unless it was Ron liking Bonnie that one episode). When Ron faced jealousy it was honestly after a whole season of development. It was only natural they would date, honestly.

Secondly, Kim and Ron being together was always shown as a positive thing. They never brought pain to each other. Just Ron being jealous during the movie, and that was quickly resolved. And although they claimed they wouldn’t date, after rewatching you get it was just denial lol. But, it was fine, because again, even if they had other friends, other relationships, they were shown to be very important to one another.

Thirdly, they got a whole season to show how their relationship had progressed from friendship to romance. I’m not saying their friendship wasn’t important, but it was definitely very interesting to see that development, and it gave us loads of shipping moments that Starco won’t get. True, KP as a show got very lucky to be renewed for one more season, and if that hadn’t happened, this series would’ve joined the many, many others in which the characters end up together until the very end. However, it goes to show how great the reception was of that finale, which left people wanting for more, and Disney delivered. Doubt it’s gonna happen in SVtFoE. I mean, I’d love it if it got renewed, but it’s very unlikely. Specially since it is the fourth season. KP only had 3, so it was far easier to make another one.

Also, this whole dramatic tension was accompanied with the plot. Granted, KP didn’t have much lore and plot points to tie down, except for Ron’s monkey powers, which without the final season, they would’ve never been fully explained. But it was still nice how this romantic aspect was as important as Drakken’s domination plans. In SVtFoE, it’s honestly felt lately that the opposite is true. With so much lore and plot points to take care of, the romantic aspect of the show seems as if it’s only stalling what truly matters. It hinders the story instead of elevating it, and fans are getting tired of it.

As you can see, the couples might be similar in terms of “best friends who fall in love” but are actually very different.

If Starco becomes canon at the end, instead of being a satisfying moment as it was in KP, it’s gonna be a tired “this pairing really did get drag down until the end, huh”

The show has of yet to show Starco as a positive pairing compared to Tomstar and Kellco, since all they bring to each other is heartbreak when it comes to romance. Kim and Ron were good for each other, because their relationship was freaking strong. Time and time again we were shown why they worked great together. And that there was nothing that could come between their bond. When it comes to Starco, yeah, things have gotten in the way of their relationship. Marco, instead of working as the male lead like Ron did, has been reduced to secondary character for most of season 3 and what we’ve seen of season 4, being replaced by Tom, who’s had way more development than Marco. Star seems to be taking one step forward and two steps backward. Instead of growing organically, they just keep hurting each other, and keep blaming other factors for their growing feelings. Notice Ron didn’t run from his feelings once he discovered them. Neither did Kim in the end. Marco and Star have. Multiple times.

And yeah, Star and Marco are younger than Kim and Ron. By “So the Drama”, they were 17, and Star and Marco are 15. There’s still much left for them to mature. But I just feel that their feelings, the curse, and them dating other people could have been handled much differently.

Tell me what’s the point of making Marco date another girl on the last season?

Or what’s the point of dragging those relationships until the very end?

No matter when Tomstar and Kellco break up, it’s still going to feel as if Star and Marco got together too soon, given the state of things, no matter if they get together during the final minute or so of the show. Which, let’s be honest, the final episode is called “Cleaved”, they’re gonna kiss during the final few seconds as a way of showing them getting together. I have absolutely no expectations of Starco becoming canon anytime sooner.

At this point, I’m tired of all the romance. I’m tired of the shippy episodes. I’m tired of the writers of the show making their relationship more of a mess than it was before. I’m hoping Marco returns to Earth or whatever for a while just so that the boy can finally get the development he needs, away from Star. As for Star, well, there are many things going on for her, let’s hope she solves them.

Hope this long analysis cleared things up for you, anon.

#starco #kim possible #ron stoppable #kim x ron #ron x kim

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illyria-and-her-pet · 6 years ago

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Hi! It seems to me a bit unusual to get a level 4 for part of the Tango Romantica on the first outing but I don’t know all of the key points quite yet to check. I know that for example D/W missed kps but were still awarded them in 2014 so I wanted to know if P/C’s BV at IDF was legitimate? In the lift too, it didn’t seem like a level 4, it seemed like it should’ve been a level 3 idk?

P/C’s curve lift got level 4 by fulfilling these 4 features:

Entry feature lifted partner (Gui twists Gabi 180 degrees)

Lifting partner sustains a difficult position for at least 3 seconds (Gui is in a crouch with two knees bent, thighs at least parallel to the ice)

Exit feature lifted partner (Gabi’s ina bauer + double twizzle + lunge) and Exit feature lifting partner (Gui’s ina bauer + double twizzle + lunge)

I think the entry and exits to the lift are nice, but the position itself is a bit simple. But it does fulfill the requirements for a level 4 lift and many teams are basically using the same lap sitting lift and getting level 4 this season so. I wish ISU required that both partners hold a difficult position for 3 seconds because they only require that one of the partners does, so one partner can be in a very simple position and the team can still get level 4 by using exit and entry features.

On the Tango Romantica I analyzed P/C’s key points below. I will put it under a read more link since there are so many photos. I think the calls were correct. Section 1 was called level 1 and I think Gui in particular has to do a lot of work on that section, but he is coming off injury. Section 2 is one of the best this season and got level 4. KP 3 could have been a close call and I explain why in my analysis and if the tech panel was super harsh it could have gotten no instead of yes and led to a level 3 which would be 0.5 less in base value, but since it was very close, I am fine with the yes and level 4. Gabi could probably make right back outside edge exit of LFI-ClCho a little deeper and the exit curve a little clearer, but otherwise she did a good job on the pattern.

Also I added videos of key points to twitter: https://twitter.com/yang_bo_dudnik/status/1066576883616116736

I went over their Tango Romantica key points and here you go:

On section 1, P/C got level 1 (credit for ¼ key points). Gabi got yes on KP 3. They got no on KP 1, 2, and 4.

KP 1: Lady Steps 8-10 (RBO, CR-LBOI/LBI-Tw1, RBI)

Step 8: Gabi’s right back outside edge (RBO)

Step 9: Gabi’s cross roll to left back outside edge, change to left back inside edge, left back inside full twizzle (CR-LBOI/LBI-Tw1) I found a fan cam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxQI9YC-_9E and she seems to have hopped this, which led to no on this key point.

Step 10: Gabi’s right back inside edge (RBI), which didn’t get credit because it was flat.

So she met KP 1 features 2 (correct turn on the twizzle) and 3 (correct hold: During Step 8, the lady places her right hand on the man’s right shoulder and places her left hand behind her back to clasp the man’s right hand. The ladymaintains this hold until the twizzle). She doesn’t meet feature 1 correct edges because step 10, her RBI was flat.

KP 2: Man Steps 8-10 (LFO, CR-RFOI, LFI)

Step 8: Gui’s left forward outside edge (LFO)

Step 9: Gui’s cross roll to right forward outside edge (RFO) and then change to right forward inside edge (RFI) (CR-RFOI). Gui’s right forward inside edge is flat, so it didn’t get credit.

Step 10: Gui’s left forward inside edge (LFI). His initial blade placement is flat and then he leans into the inside edge, so this may have not gotten credit either.

So he only met KP 2 feature 3 (Correct hold: During Step 8, the lady places her right hand on the man’s right shoulder and places her left hand behind her back to clasp the man’s right hand. The ladymaintains this hold until the twizzle). He didn’t meet feature 1 (correct edges) because his RFI and LFI were flat or feature 2 (correct change of edge) also because his RFI was flat.

KP 3 & 4: Lady Steps 16-24 (LFO, XF-RFI,XB-LFO, XF-RFO, XF-LFI,XB-RFO, XF-LFO-Rk, XF-RBI,XF-LBI3) & Man Steps 16-25b (LFO, XF-RFI,XB-LFO, XF-RFO, XF-LFI,XB-RFO, XF-LFO-Rk, XF-RBI,XF-LBI3, RFI-OpMo, LBI)

I’m gonna skip putting pictures of steps 16-21 because most teams do these correctly and that’s a lot of photos lol. I’ll just post steps 22-24 for the lady and steps 22-25b for the man because those are the ones that teams have trouble with and lead to yes or no for the KP.

Lady Step 22: Gabi’s XF-LFO-Rocker. This is the infamous Tango Romantica rocker that was originally gonna be an exception in the key point features with correct edges and turn except for XF-LFO-Rocker because it is so difficult, but Fabian Bourzat fought for it to be included. Gabi enters on a left forward outside edge and exits on a left back outside edge. In the first pic, her boot is partially blocked by Gui, but from what you can see she is on an forward outside edge. And in the 2nd pic you can clearly see she is on a back outside edge.

Man Step 22: Gui’s XF-LFO-Rocker. His edges are not as deep as Gabi’s and this was probably a close call. Not sure if tech panel thought the rocker was okay or not because there’s a step in this key point coming up later that definitely led to him getting no on this key point.

Another view of the rocker from a fancam where ou can see Gabi’s entry edge better and it really is a very clear outside edge.

Lady & Man Step 23: Gabi and Gui do a cross step forward to a right back inside edge (XF-RBI). Gabi’s foot is blocked by Gui in this picture, but he did this step correctly and presumably she did it correctly as well since she got credit for the key point.

Lady & Man Step 24: Gabi and Gui do cross forward left backward inside three turns (XF-LBI3). They enter on a left back inside edge and exit on a left forward outside edge. Gabi did this correctly. Gui did not because he hopped the three turn. In the 2nd pic, you can see how his blade came completely off the ice.

Man Step 25a: Gui’s right forward inside open mohawk (RFI-OpMo). Here is his right forward inside entry edge.

Man Step 25b: Gui’s left back inside edge (LBI). It is the exit to the RFI-OpMo.

Gabi got yes for KP 3 because she met features 1 (correct edges) and 2 (correct turn). Gui got no for KP 4 because he didn’t meet feature 2 (correct turns) because he hopped his XF-LBI3.

On section 2, P/C got level 4 (credit for 4/4 key points).

KP 1: Lady Steps 29-31 (Wd-XF-RFO-LFO/RFO3,LBO, RFO) & Man Steps 29-31 (Wd-LBO-RBI/LBO,RFO3, LBO)

Lady Step 29: Gabi does a wide cross step forward to a right forward outside edge, while her left foot is on a forward outside edge as well (Wd-XF-RFO-LFO). She then does a right forward outside 3 turn (RFO3). She enters on that same right forward outside edge in pic 1 and exits on the right back inside edge in pic 2.

Man Step 29: Gui places his left foot on a left back outside edge, while his right foot is on a right back inside edge (Wd-LBO-RBI).

Lady Step 30: Gabi steps onto a left back outside edge (LBO)

Man Step 30: Gui does a right forward outside three turn (RFO3). He enters on a right forward outside edge and exits on a right back inside edge.

Lady Step 31: Gabi steps onto a right forward outside edge (RFO).

Man Step 31: Gui steps onto a left back outside edge (LBO).

They got credit for this KP because they met feature 1 (correct edges) and feature 2 (correct turns).

KP 2: Lady Steps 35a, 36, 37a, 37b(LFO-Rk, RBO3, LFI-ClCho, RBO)

Lady Step 35a: Gabi’s left forward outside rocker (LFO-Rk). She enters on a left forward outside edge and exits on a left back outside edge. Gabi is in correct hold with her left hand on Gui’s right shoulder and her right hand and his left hand joined at her right hip.

Lady Step 36: Gabi’s right back outside three turn (RBO3). She enters on a right back outside edge and enters on a right forward inside edge.

Lady Step 37a: Gabi’s left forward inside closed choctaw (LFI-ClCho). She enters on a left forward inside edge and exits on a right back outside edge.

Lady Step 37b: Gabi’s right back outside edge exit from the LFI-ClCho. She is on a shallow outside edge, but I would have liked for her outside edge to be deeper and the exit curve to be a little clearer. This could have been a close call for the tech panel.

It was a close all on feature 1 (correct edges) because of step 37b (RBO). Steps 35a-37a were correct though and tech panel gave it to her step 37b. She met feature 2 (correct turns #35a, 36, 37a) and feature 3 (correct hold on 35a: While performing the rocker, the lady places her left hand on the man’s right shoulder and her right hand and his left hand join on her right hip. His right handis extended).

KP 3: Man Steps 35a, 35b, 36 (LFO,RFO-Sw-ClCho, LBI)

Man Step 35a: Gui steps onto a left forward outside edge (LFO).

Man Step 35b: Gui does a right forward outside swing closed choctaw (RFO-Sw-ClCho). He enters on a right forward outside edge and exits on a left back inside edge. He is in correct hold with his right arm extended and his left hand joined to Gabi’s right hand at her right hip.

Man Step 36: Gui exits his RFO-Sw-ClCho on a left back inside edge (LBI).

He met all the KP features: feature 1 (correct edges), feature 2 (correct turn #35b), and feature 3 (correct hold #35b:While performing the rocker, the lady places her left hand on the man’s right shoulder and her right hand and his left hand join on her right hip. His right handis extended).

KP 4: Lady Steps 44-45 (LFI-ClCho,RBO/RBO-Tw1) & Man Steps 44-45a (LFI, RFI)

Lady step 44: Gabi does a left forward inside closed choctaw (LFI-ClCho). She enters on a left forward inside edge and exits on a right back outside edge.

Man step 44: Gui steps onto a left forward inside edge (LFI).

Lady Step 45: Gabi’s right back outside edge (RBO) is the exit from her LFI-ClCho and entry to her right back outside twizzle (RBO-Tw1).

Man Step 45a: Gui steps onto a right forward inside edge (RFI).

They met KP feature 1 (correct edges) and feature 2 (correct turns).

#figure skating #ice dance #ice dancing #gabriella papadakis #guillaume cizeron #papadakis/cizeron #fs #fskate #tech talk #pc #p/c

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simplyshelbs16xoxo · 7 years ago

Text

‘Center Will Not Hold (Or Will It?)’ Chapter 6: Down the Rabbit Hole

I’m not entirely sure if I liked this chapter lol but I hope everyone else does. You can be honest, it sucks lol.

Hands folded, foot tapping with impatience, the man waited to hear anything of use for his plan.

“There’s not really anything to report, sir,” the young man said. “Kim and Ron are still friends; quite the team as always.”

Gemini snarled with vehemence.

“There’s got to be something different with them since the last time I had the displeasure of meeting them.” He huffed in annoyance.

“Well, there is one thing…” the younger man remarked.

“I’m listening,” Gemini told him.

“They have most definitely crossed over the line between friendship and romance,” he informed him.

“I’m not here to gossip, Moss.”

“No, don’t you see the big picture?” he asked. “They’d die for each other. Take one away and the other would do everything to save them. Neither are a threat if you separate them.”

“You know, I was beginning to think you would waste my time, but I think you’re on to something,” Gemini smirked. “Thank you, Gill, that’ll be all.”

“Don’t tell me that’s what you’re wearing,” Monique remarked upon exiting the bathroom. She had just finished getting ready to go out dancing.

“I’m not going,” Kim sighed, continuing to type on her laptop. “I’ve got a million things to do, and I can barely even think.”

“But that’s exactly why you should go!” Monique argued.

“I’m a bon diggity dance, and I’m ready to go,” Ron announced, entering Kim and Monique’s dorm.

“She’s not going,” Monique outed Kim.

“No, cause I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown,” Kim argued back.

“Hey,” Ron spoke up, sitting on the bed beside her, “KP, you need to take a breather.” When she didn’t comply, he took her hand in his. “Look at me.”

She did as he said and took a deep breath.

“Just come out for an hour, and we’ll come back so you still have time to finish all of this,” Ron suggested. “Sometimes you just need to give yourself a break in order to focus.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “I would’ve hated missing out on dancing with you again.”

“That’s the spirit!” Monique cheered.

“I’m bored,” Drakken groaned.

“Well, I invited you to come out with me,” Shego pointed out. “You said ‘no,’ so I’m going alone.”

“Please, I can deal with some alone time,” he remarked.

“Suit yourself,” she spoke as she walked out the door.

Mumbling to himself in frustration, Drakken threw on a pair of shoes, and followed Shego outside.

“I knew you’d end up going,” she laughed. “Typical.”

The beat of the music was pulsing through the room. Lights of all different colors shone upon the dancefloor, made to look like a giant rabbit hole. The walls were painted murals of a gothic Wonderland. The stage was underneath a blacklight, the DJ wearing neon colors on his clothes and in his hair. He also wore LED light up white rabbit ears to go along with the Wonderland theme. The music was felt in their feet, from the pounding of the bass, straight to their heads. The atmosphere made you want to move.

Ron pulled her in close and spun her around. His dancing had definitely improved over the last year, as Kim had given him some pointers over the summer before starting college. Monique had found someone to dance with—a complete stranger—but she looked to be having fun.

An old favorite EDM song of theirs began playing, and Monique had rejoined the couple for a while. They jumped up and down with the crowd, enjoying the rush of dancing freely.

“This hurricane rocks!” Ron shouted over the music. He stumbled back and straight into—

“The buffoon!?” Drakken exclaimed.

“Doctor..Drakken?” Ron’s voice was questioning.

“See? Didn’t I tell you this was fun?” Shego asked, approaching.

“I need agua,” Kim told Monique and Ron, turning to see their former foes. “Well, this is awkweird.”

“Well, look who it is,” Shego said with amusement. “The Princess and the Pauper.”

“Told you, Shego,” Drakken grumbled. “Collegiate nightclub.” She wasn’t listening, though. Shego shrugged her shoulders and continued to dance.

“So, you two have, like, quit villainy for good, then?” Ron asked.

With a sigh, Shego replied, “If you must know, yeah, we have. It got too tedious. We’re not getting any younger, you know. Until next time, Princess.”

The last thing they heard before leaving the two former villains was Drakken excitedly saying, "Ooh, the OhBoyz," when the music shifted.

The three friends went to get bottles of ice cold water, sitting at a booth to talk.

“You don’t think—“ Monique began.

“That they’re trying to get us to put our guard down about them?” Kim finished. “I don’t know, but they seem to just wanna get on with their lives.”

“Graduation day really turned things around for them,” Ron pointed out. “It turned things around for all of us.”

“But do we give them the benefit of the doubt?” Kim wondered.

“Why not?” Monique asked. “They don’t seem all too threatening anymore.” Just then, the kimmunicator went off.

“What’s the sitch, Wade?” Kim asked.

“Guys, did you hear the news? Team Go is complete for the first time in years,” Wade informed them.

“Team Go?” Monique questioned.

“Oh! Hey, Monique,” Wade greeted her nervously, still harboring a crush on her. “Um, anyways, it’s confirmed that Shego has rejoined her brothers in doing the superhero gig again.”

“Really? Booyah!” Ron cheered. “We have her as an ally now.”

“I wonder why she didn’t tell us. We just saw her and Drakken here,” Kim told Wade.

“It’s not exactly breaking news, so she probably wants to keep it on the DL,” Wade explained.

“Makes sense,” Kim replied. “Thanks, Wade.”

The sound of shattered glass was heard right before the panicking began. A small group of henchmen began storming through the club, heading straight for them.

“Monique, take cover,” Kim advised her.

“Rufus, we’re on,” Ron added. He and Kim began fighting off the henchmen one by one. They were caught off guard, not having had to bother with fighting Ron before. He had improved greatly over the years. A couple roundhouse kicks later, and Kim had the last henchman in her grip.

“What do you want? Who do you work for?” she interrogated him. The man refused to speak, instead pushing her with all the force he had, running after the rest of the group. Kim landed on the ground, hitting her shoulder hard. That was all it took for Ron to snap, wanting to go after the man that hurt her, but Kim held him back once she was up again.

“It’s alright, Ron, I’m okay,” she assured him. “Those henchmen—I think I know who they work for.”

“Who?” Ron and Monique asked simultaneously.

“Gemini.”

fanfiction.net | ao3 | buy me a coffee?

#Kim Possible #Center Will Not Hold #my fanfiction

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katrinapavela · 7 years ago

Text

submitted to kp:

R writes:

”katrina I was hoping you could expand on some of your recent post in regards to Olivia’s abortion and the over all events of 5x09. In my opinion this has to be one of the biggest loose ends on Scandal period let alone for Olitz but I often wondered since that episode, why hasn’t it been addressed in any real meaningful way? It’s been hinted and glossed over but never fully examined. Hell we don’t even know any back ground in regards to when and how Liv found out, how she arrived at that decision and why she made that decision etc. It just perplexes me that SR would let such a powerful and paramount story that can be done so bueatifully and give a real peak into the window of Olivia’s soul be kind of dead on arrival after the initial shock of 5x09. You being the intellectual mind that you are must have a million ideas and interpretations of where and how that story could go. It is such “juicy” story ripe with layers of complexity, self reflection, and introspection. I also know through interviews that tony felt some type of way about how they story went down, and so did many writers, wanting more back story and an exclamation but Shonda very admittedly shot it down and basically took a hard line. She felt there need not be an explanation other than as a women she has the right to make her own decision no questions asked. I am a firm believer of a women’s right to choose however looking at it in terms of story telling or existential thinking the mark has been missed. In a healthy relationship between to partners something of that magnitude would have to be discussed. ITS ABOUT RESPECT. The worst thing about for me wasn’t necessarily the abortion itself (although that broke our heart) but the lack of compassion and communication. Fitz is the love of her life and she was at the time in a committed relationship, the decent thing to do is to have that difficult conversation and respect that it’s only fair for her to tell him. She needs to put her self in Fitz shoes, if he is to respect her right to choose shouldn’t she in return respect his right to know? I don’t think she is so sure or proud as she boldly claimed to Abby in 5x20 that she’s “not ashamed” of her decision. She couldn’t even look him in the eye and tell him. If she was she would of done the mature adult thing and told Fitz. Is there really such a thing in this as she doesn’t need a reason in this instance? If I’m Fitz hell yeah I need an explanation. I think she didn’t tell Fitz because she wasn’t so sure. Maybe he would have changed her mind. Just look at the scene itself, alone on Christmas Eve no one with her no one to comfort her or to hold her hand as if she was punishing her self. The pain in voice for during that fight scene,“You were trying to save me!…. There is no us! There is no this! There is not Vermont! There is no jam! There is no Future! Not anymore.” She said these words crumbling with tears and if you notice it’s one the only time during the fight she couldn’t look at him in the eye. She turn her back to him as she could barely speak. Like there was some much she wanted to say to him. It seems as though it might stem from mommy and daddy issues and maybe her just not being ready, however Fitz has been talking about kids basically since day one and she never gave an indication that she didn’t want kids. If she didn’t what about birth control? I also question if this has happened before because although possible it’s strange that after 8 years of them on and off and Effing like rabbits just then she got pregnant. I just feel this needs to be addressed in a real way. Does shonda address it in S7? Is this apart of Liv’s journey that’s coming to an end?”

_________________

KP responds:

Hi!

Thanks for writing in. There’s a lot in here. I have actually written about my interpretation of Olivia’s decision on the abortion, including not telling Fitz (Scandal #509 Analysis: Wherever You Go, There You Are- analysis of Olitz argument), including Liv’s lack of eye contact with Fitz the entire episode (save when she could lob a nasty accusation his way).

Overall, I don’t think it’s important to address the abortion in S7, per se. Because it’s not really the abortion that some folks are mad about; it’s what it represents: loss of the fantasy future we’ve heard them talk about (especially Fitz),

(hear his voice and talk about Vermont and kids)

seen Liv dream about (minus kids, so we don’t know if she truly shares this fantasy)

one we thought we would get when S5 began:

So, many of us were mourning that loss, and trying to figure out what’s real. The abortion became a tangible thing folks could rail against for the loss of what was much more substantial. The point of much of 5A: the stripping of the fantasy, so that, eventually, the characters (and audience) can be left with what’s real between the two of them. At least that is my hope for S7.

I think SR’s hard line about the abortion itself I understood Liv’s decision to not tell Fitz because 1) they were NOT in a healthy relationship (lol). Olivia was not a healthy person at the time, so clear communication was not going to happen. (shit, she’s even more unhealthy now). And Fitz was trying to hold on too damn tight trying to prevent what he knew to be inevitable.

2) Liv likely did not want Fitz to know because her decision (as I saw it) was ultimately about her dissatisfaction with herself and her own life. Getting that abortion was something within her control that she could ‘handle’, and also right up the alley of a self-sabotager like Olivia. (Let’s face it getting back involved with her father was her surefire way of sabotaging herself, her relationship and the future she claimed to want).

3) I think the abortion issue was mostly dealt with in 521. Liv wasn’t ashamed of the decision she made. But she was concerned that Fitz didn’t know, and she obviously didn’t want him to feel hurt by it because it wasn’t about him, contrary to salty ass Olakers who, everyday on Twitter, draw crass connections between Liv’s abortion and Fitz’s worthiness as her partner (deadass they do this. I have screenshots). There was a tiny window left open when Liv got back to her office after Fitz said “I support your decision”. I think she wondered if that had a double meaning.

4) Lastly, I don’t care about the abortion topic being re-visited in S7. I only care in so much as I want Liv to be honest with Fitz about her role in the demise of their relationship. She told everyone but Mellie (”I was scared”) that he was to blame for the end of their relationship, and her leaving the WH. In actuality, she had begun sabotaging it much earlier. She has a problem, and addiction. That’s all I care to see addressed.

I’ve gone on too long. I hope this helps.

#submission

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oceangl1tter · 6 years ago

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Postpone the future

future things i'm itching to write about:// - INFP and unrequited love: name a more iconic duo - past lovers as colors of my nailpolish - sappy fiction in which i write a happy ending - how many flowers can you stuff in your mouth before you throw up and die of indigestion - new year resolutions: TBD ————————————— First glass://

" HOUSE RULES to keep in mind 1. Do not go into any other rooms except for the restroom and my room 2. Bring enough food to be finished up or you take home whatever is left. 3. Do not open my closet/drawers lol its just my clothes tf? o.O 4. Clean up after yourself.... plS/ run to the damn restroom if u feel like yAK 5. PARTY ENDS 12AM sori pplz mama/papa gots to sleep " As a result of breaking the Golden Rule, the first of rules that had been posted in advance in our private Facebook event, we have been declaratively kicked out. R sneaks in a vomit-session before embarking on our expedition to the nearest boba place that would tolerate the ruckus from 4 hobbling pairs,2 observers, other stragglers lost on the way. It's supposedly a 40 minute walk to TenRen but time doesn't exist when you're trying to stop waddling kids from veering into oncoming traffic.The ranking of most drunk to least goes like this:

S E KC Q R MR DY A M JR, V R, JS, KG

Unfortunately, those burdened with not being shit-faced have been assigned the lovely task of cleaning up spilled drinks (a fizzy coca-cola liter erupts two times, same girl, same stumble, twice the sticky), being a branch for others to hang onto, and emotionally supporting the less-fortunate drunks.

Breaking down the Hot Mess:

S and E pour up as if the red cups in their hands are the equivalent of shot-glasses—this measurement is obviously incredibly off and perhaps the reason why one of them surpasses their breaking point (the other will throw up the remaining Malibu/ Smirnoff in a public trashcan in Atlantic Times Square) But for now, they're hyper, happy, laughing drunks, prancing along the host's bedroom and clinging along people in their path and tearing themselves off like pinballs.

S: Everything seems to be funny. Affectionate & eerily giggly. The next moment she's crying into the host's bed, facedown, emitting ugly sobs through convulses of her body. J is at her side telling her she can't cry into the host's bed and that she'll find someone else who will make her happy, but she has to get up first. She replies with," FUCK HIM!! I NEED HIM! HE MADE ME HAPPY!" This must've been inevitable. Don't drink in the same room with your ex. Another moment, she's pounding on the bathroom door because she has to pee. We broke the first rule. The host's mom comes out of her room later to see what the commotion is all about. She enters the room. Girl on bed, facedown, crying. Guy talking her down. R, taking a lazy nap on the side. Me, standing up with tissues stained coke-brown, red-faced, with my dumb nosering on looking into the eyes of someone that has known me since I was 10. She's on the phone and looks around the room. Concern or anger? I can't tell. I say in Cantonese that everything is fine. She is fine. I don't know how to say "she's not drunk! ! she's heartbroken" but the smell of the room betrays any statement. Kick-out ensues.

E: This happened last time and she always proclaims the day after: "I wasn't that drunk!" The girl has lost all principles of momentum and flops on people's shoulders, anchoring her arm around necks. She drinks the same amount as S + the leftover bottle of Malibu. Her layer of introversion is gone as she lunges around the room with cup in hand. On our way to boba in the dark, she strides in zig zags with confident, imprecise steps. R runs after her.

KC: Her original state is a high-pitched buzz of energy and it seems like alcohol multiplies that tenfold. She whacks S's left eye with her hand on accident. E whacks S's right eye with her foot on accident. She calls E fat and then apologizes. Later, she cries because she is sad. She loves everyone. She loves you. She loves her friends. She loves everyone, especially you. S, E, and KC are trio drunks. KC and I started out next to eachother drinking Calpico. I can't pinpoint when the trajectory split.

Q: She is a flirty, artificial drunk and at this point I'm over it. I saw the same thing unfold in Berkeley except with her boyfriend added into the equation. Not fun. Everyone else ignores her. She lays on the bed texting him.

R: R is a sleepy-drunk and he's knocked out first. I'm not sure how he was able to sleep through the loud singing of the national anthem and random indian music someone put on. I tell wide-eyed observers that this is signs of an alcoholic in the making. He pets S's hair as she cries into neatly folded blankets. On our way to boba I've been tasked with handling his inhibition. I am his crutch for the first half. The second half he is pushing me in an abandoned shopping cart and topples it over a bump in the sidewalk. My backpack, thankfully, protects my head from cracking open like an egg. Later on he grips my balled up hand and tries to unfold my fingers forcefully as if he could peel them out of the curled fist position. His hands feel like demands instead of sheepish drunk maneuvers. They don't feel sweaty but they're not warm either. We can't do this. I am shaking my head and curling my mid-sentences up as if I were scolding some dog. I don't let anyone hold my hand! Not even my mom! I say matter-of-factly. After wrestling it for a few moments he gives up.

New Years pt.1 / 11-12:// —————— J KM A S Q D KC R MR KG

New Years I had decided that I was sick of cleaning up after sick people and decided that it was up to me to be the agent of my own shitface-ness. I arrive an hour before countdown. Early enough to not be missing out on the fun but late enough to have enough of it. I hadn't gone to this point before of not being able to coordinate the joints in my legs and how they are supposed to move together. I feel like a mannequin moving the different wooden blocks of my body. My cruise through the living room is stop-motion movement at 6 frames per second. I ask KG if that means I have meningitis and if that means I will die because I heard from my sister some girl when she was in highschool shared drinks, caught some virus and forgot how to walk afterwards. I took the shots and I also took shots, so do these shots cancel out?? My heart is beating so fast? Will I die? These are fleeting worries as I engage in a heavily regulated sequence of sitting on the floor, mulling on my phone, and sashaying across MR's house to the beat of the music with a cup of water and Soju in my hands for optimal simultaneous intake. I love MR's floor. I could have a ball in here. Loopy thoughts in my head spill out of my drink. I love that drunk words and actions never mean anything. I'm seated next to D in the kitchen under dim lights when I blurt out that I hate f***ots. I'm laughing and laughing and Laughing and Sipping on my Cup. D laughs along in shock and tells me to stop. I lazily say I must be projecting.

Some in-betweeners: (11) I stop KP and KC from having their New Years Kiss because we are NOT changing teams right now while drunk and/or heartbroken and I slice their SIN with my hands. Checkmate, athiests.

(11 1/2)

(12) J envelopes me in a big bear hug he has a knack for doing and I don't understand why he is hugging me when he does not even know me. I'm being consoled as I empty my lungs in gasping heaves. I've been made physically immobile at this point and I don't feel like squeaming out from this embrace like I would usually do. It's more of a crumple. D hovers over us. Sons! Sneezed out of her nose! We do a family hug. It's a comforting one. I shake hands with J in a marriage pact that if in 40 years we still haven't found The One we would just call it a day and get married. D wants to join in, but I tell him I'm not down for threesomes. Letalone incestuous ones. I don't think it will happen but in case it does, it wouldn't hurt to fall back on history.

He tells me a few more things:

The money he spent, the Blitzcrank plush that he ordered that never came in the mail and was too shy to ask for a replacement.

The middle school cringey rejection song sent to him played on repeat as he ran laps to get swol to win the hearts of others and move on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9A52UWmmrE ; The cliche line about learning to love yourself before you love someone else and his backburner recognition that the song I sent that apparently "changed his life" like a cop-out of some manic pixie dream girl concept, might not have been for him. Bingo.

The $5 bill he snuck under one of my frontyard rocks because he thought I was broke. He asks if I ever got it. No I did not, but thanks.

My tumblr he tried to find and couldn't; the one Samantha told him I had but wouldn't give him unless they went out together.

(1) Later that night I'm limping J back to his house as he spits out foams of champagne out of his mouth. M kicks him out of his house because he's done with his shit that he dumps on others—shit that he brought about himself. (2) (3) (4) —————————————————————————————————-

#mystuff #blegh

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brown-rice · 7 years ago

Text

Taking a break from the midterm study/note-taking grind

Got a midterm, quiz, matlab, and math assignment due this week, with 2 more back to back midterms next week, so I’m stressing a bit. Spent the last two days just sitting and rewriting notes but I feel like I’m not retaining anything hhhhhh. Looking forward to going home, seeing some good people and my dog this weekend though. I can kinda feel myself getting sick tho, feelin’ pretty week b/c of my period, school, and stomach problems again.

Anyway, tomorrow is the start of week 3. I’ve been going to school for 2ish weeks now and have been living in this condo with my condomates for about 3 weeks now? I’m still in a really bad place emotionally/mentally, but I guess I’ve come to tolerate most of the things going on around here. Still floating around with no hope and dreams of my own, but I’m trying my best, doing the work and going to class, only missing one day because I felt like actual garbage.

Living in this new place is really weird for me. Not that I’ve changed the way I live, but I’m sharing a room and “home” was the only place that I could be terrible and sleep all day and just kind of be off? But with people, I want to keep up appearances and try a lot to hide when I feel shitty. I can’t really figure out why I do that. I share a room with Ashley and I’ve already seem her cry several times about relationship stuff, and I’ve comforted her. I’ve fussed over Doni feeling sick, and say hi to Asher and Punit when they pass by. I try to stay out of my room and be friendly. And it’s pretty stressful hahahaha. In the beginning there was a much more noticeable rift between Ashley, Doni and I as one side and Asher, Punit, and Punit’s gf who is around pretty often. It’s not that we do anything against each other, it’s just that we don’t really interact beyond those trios, which kinda bummed me out, but I don’t care too much as long as everyone respects boundaries. There was a lot of passive aggressive stuff going on in the beginning, but after the first house meeting, things got better. My biggest peeve is probably that I’m a lot cleaner of a person than I thought? At home I did a lot of the cleaning, sure, but that was only when things were actually dirty. Things just never seem to stay clean here, which does bother me a bit, but we have a cleaning rotation going on now, if the others are going to actually do it. I also just feel really gross here for some reason, like when I shower it still feels like I’m not clean, and Ashley feels the same. We also keep getting bitten by bugs we never seen and have no idea where they’re coming from. I’ve been breaking out a lot more than I did before. Doni really wants me to open up to him and I’m just, super hesitant for no reason really. I’ve been holding back a lot since the summer. A nice thing is that Ashley’s cat loves me a lot, and kinda fills the void for my dog. He always sleeps on my bed lol. We also kinda opened up a Jewish scroll in the house whoops. Ashley’s always playing/talking to her other friends online, so while I want us to be good friends (and we are b/c we get along very well even tho she’s messy sometimes and has an annoying keyboard, we really don’t have any bounds? like we get changed and everything in front of each other lol) there’s also a wall that I feel. Everyone really keeps to themselves, except me and Doni. We’re usually out and about downstairs at the table, him paying League while I take notes. I suppose we’ve gotten closer. Ashley, Doni and I always try to get boba for each other if someone’s out getting some. Doni and I have lot of late night convos and he really wants us to be better friends, and I know that he actually would be there for me, but there’s just something about his advice that I’m so adverse to. That and I’m probably afraid of being let down again.

Regarding school, I had a really bad first day for no real reason. I just felt super horrible and wanted to cry when I got home, which was only made worse the next day when Punit and Ashley threw a party (I got some alc out of it but still). I just felt super alone in everything and really out of place b/c the condo doesn’t feel like home, but my home in Riverside doesn’t feel like home either. I just feel like I’m in limbo and don’t know what to do about it. But I’m really trying. During orientation, Ashley and I met a group of people who were all new students and really chill, we even all swapped numbers and planned to do stuff, but that all fell through so fast. Classes themselves are alright?? There aren’t any assignments to do, but I just feel like I’m behind on everything, even my low div bio class where I’ve already learned everything there. I just feel really uneasy like I can’t do anything or that I’m gonna fail. I fall asleep in class pretty often even though I get a decent amount of sleep. It’s weird. I didn’t expect my biochem class to be that hard, but I’m really stressing since it’s not clear what we’re gonna be tested on. Ochem is a mystery b/c while I know half of the class material, I don’t know where they left off. I kinda wish I had stayed at Mt.Sac to finish up the ochem series, but too late now whoops. Math is questionable but easy at the same time? It’s a weird feeling. So all in all, school is fine academically. I don’t really have any good friends that I can study or hang out with, and I’ve come to enjoy the alone time. At first, it was really lonely. I spent the whole first week trying to get to know people and join clubs b/c I realized that the people I considered important really didn’t think of me that way, at least not to the extent that I felt, and that’s okay. I have to learn to let those people go and that sucks, but I can’t keep being there for people who don’t care about me. I want to make good friends that return my feelings and sentiments, so I need to go out and try. It’s really tiring. I used to be able to call myself someone that makes friends easily, and I do, but I’m stopping myself from taking the extra step, and I can feel myself pulling back and away. I just don’t want to try anymore really, for new and old friends. I really hate losing old friends, especially ones built from long years of friendship, but people grow apart and I’ve done too much fighting for and taking care of people and blaming myself and letting people take advantage of me. It bothers me so so much that my close friends are the ones that know I’ll always be there and take advantage of that fact. Even if I end up with less close friends before and a lot more alone time, I want to and will be okay with it. I’m getting involved in KP and KOTX, but as a transfer student, it’s proving to be really hard to break into circles that have already been established since Year 1 and many other transfer students that I get along with already have old friends who actually care about them, like Ashley. Being away from Riverside has made me realize a lot of harsh things and I so desperately want to get away from everything and either die or start somewhere new. I can’t be there for people anymore if they’re not gonna be there for me, and even if I want to answer those late night texts and calls of crying, I won’t do it anymore. This is it, and if that’s mean then that sucks I guess. Hopefully once I get picked up into my KOTX and KP fams, I’ll have some good friends. Same goes for other upper divs for my major. So far I’ve made chill friends with another transfer student named Luke in my bio class. We remind each other that there are clickers and he plays LoZ in the back of the class while I read manga. I went to the manga club and the quidditch team, but they were both hella cringe. I might go back to the anime/manga club, but who knows. Triton gaming, I might see if there’s a sm4sh event.

Another thing about friends is that I’ve got back into strong friendships with Roman and Kinuth???? Roman and I used to be really good friends during our time in hs, but kinda grew apart as he found his place and became more social while the Breadsix was growing apart. He and I have math class together and that’s probably the only reason why we hang out, but he’s sort of become my dining dollars sugar daddy LMAO. We study and eat together a lot, and I’ve chilled with his roommates sometimes b/c he lives on campus and I need somewhere to sleep during big gaps. So while It’s really nice hanging with Roman, I feel like after this quarter we’ll go back to not really talking or seeing each other that much outside of maybe KP. Kinuth is probably the most unexpected thing to happen to me so far. He just kinda showed up with Doni one day, and we’ve always had a vitriolic kind of friendship? So now we actually hang out and message every day. I knew he went to school here, but I just wasn’t expecting him to try being friends with me b/c he doesn’t really seek close friends. We’ll see where this goes tho. One of the sadder things is probably Meagan. She only comes to our places b/c Ashley and the cat are here, and I hear even less from her now that we’re in the same city. I dunno, maybe we’ve just grown apart too much. Same goes with how I feel towards Katherine, Joel, and even Rich. Landon a bit too, but less because we actually chat/message and he came the last weekend to visit. Normally Landon and I talk a bunch, but I really kept to myself, tho the quiet was still comfy. Dunno how long that’s gonna last. The stuff in the summer really fucked me up with how I feel towards all of them, and I’m slowly letting go, but it’s not like any of them are going to fight for our friendship. The SC thing’s probably gonna phase out too anyway, not like anyone responds unless I have to call people out. I’m just so tired with people and friendships and I don’t want to try anymore, and as I get comfier and comfier with being alone, I feel like I’m going to fall into that. It’s dumb, and I’m trying not to by going out and being active, but hey. I feel like I’m reaching out and trying to be honest when people say things like “pls trust me I’ll be there for u” and then I feel so let down b/c no one is there for me and it sucks. I posted in the group chat and nothing happened, it was a read message and idk why I keep doing this to myself. I’ve still got a lot of negative feelings about a lot of things with nowhere to put them. Even if I talk to people, I’m racking my brain for a solution that I don’t have and all I really want is a solution.

Everything I do or feel seems like a big fat whatever and I don’t really know what to do about anything anymore. I feel awful all the time, but there’s no time to rest because of classes. Falling into sleeping all day again. And honestly I’m terrified of letting that happen. The only other thing keeping me grounded is reading fics. Week 3/10 so far. I’m gonna try applying to some jobs too. I’m really trying my best here. All I want is to have a stable income and a place of my own. Thinking about getting my own place after this year if I get a job and can afford it. Maybe live with my sister. Maybe leave SoCal and go to Davis for more school stuff. Still a lot of wanting to die feels but hey, that’s why I’m living with people, to stop that from happening. Hopefully things will work out.

#this got way longer than I wanted it to #i guess i was holding onto a lot of stuff #like usual really #talking to kisara and val is helpful but like #i just really miss having good close friends that i could chill and count on whenever #i'm going home this weekend and i even messaged the people in riverside that i was going home #only rich responded and honestly if there's no effort from joel and katherine past this point #i'm just gonna let it fall #as important as they are to me and as much as i care about them i have to let people go #and i'll probably never stop thinking that this is all my fault #like if i had been a better person maybe people would stay #same goes for meagan #part of me also feels like i deserve this and i can't bring myself to hate them or blame them for anything #i want to be there for them so much when they're upset #but i also feel so empty now #like i've been left with nothing #gonna do a bit more studying and head to bed #tomorrow's gonna be a rough day #college talk #personal #i wanna be dead so much still #or just gone #like poof #steph never happened #i wish people cared more for their friends and not just their potential s/o's #:////

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