#i’m also trying this new thing where i make posts on my blog instead of just texting my friends. time will tell if i like this or not.

[iidolomantis]

i’ve been trying this new strategy to get around my executive dysfunction by utilizing my anxiety. whenever i have a thought like ‘oh, i should go for a mental health walk today’ i replace it with ‘OH GOD OH FUCK I HAVE TO GO FOR A WALK RIGHT THE FUCK NOW’. faux panic. simulated urgency. i’m so good at being afraid of things that this leads to me instantly jumping up in a panic and taking the first few steps, which is generally the hardest part for me. once i’m started, it’s fine, i can do the rest of it as normal. if i find myself lagging, i just do it again. ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT ON A PAIR OF PANTS HOLY SHIT RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW HURRY.’ y’know? time will tell if this is effective in the long run. it’s certainly getting my heart rate up, but more importantly, i am Getting Things Done.

[bakuliwrites]

MC Falling Asleep on M6's Lap (Baewatch)

It's been a hot minute since I posted anything and, unfortunately, I don't have the brain power to do any new content. But I figured I would post a headcanon from my old blog. Someone had requested this a long time ago and I loved writing it. The idea was so cute! I love the Baewatch tale and the bonfire scene at the end is so fun. So, here you go! Also, updated my banners just to try out something new :)

Asra is more than prepared for you to fall asleep on his lap. In fact, he can sense your exhaustion before even you can. He gives you a knowing smirk at your first yawn, leans back where he’s seated in the sand, and offers up his lap for you to lay your head in.

“I’m not sleepy,” you insist, crossing your arms indignantly. But his lap looks pretty inviting. Within minutes, you’re conked out, head cradled by Asra’s legs. He tenderly runs his fingers through your hair, smiling softly down at your slumbering form.

When it’s time to leave, he gently rouses you from your sleep. “MC,” he whispers, carefully shifting you in his lap, “It’s time to go.” Groggily, you rise. Hand in hand, you and Asra walk the length of the beach, back to your room, where you get some much needed rest, snuggled up in his arms <3

You’re already resting your head on Nadia’s lap when you feel the first twinge of exhaustion. Your eyes start to droop, though you try desperately to keep them open. You want to watch Julian’s magical fire display, but you’re just so tired.

Nadia discovers you’re asleep when she looks down to see if you’re enjoying yourself. She smiles to herself, moving a strand of your hair aside that’s fallen in front of your eyes. She thinks you look positively adorable. So adorable, in fact, she feels suddenly compelled to pinch your cheeks (but refrains, not wanting to rudely awaken you).

When it’s time to go, Nadia lays a soft kiss on your forehead and whispers your name. She guides you back to your room, holding you close and keeping you warm in the chilly night air. She makes sure you have everything you need before snuggling up beside you in bed<3

You’re dazzled by the multicolored lights flashing before your eyes, changing with each powder Julian tosses into the fire. There’s so much joy floating around the campfire, you find yourself feeling utterly relaxed. So relaxed, in fact, that you lay your head down in Julian’s lap and pass out.

Julian’s too busy showing off his magical powders to notice you’ve fallen asleep, at first. But when he finally does take notice, he makes sure to quiet down. He rubs small circles on your back, gazing thoughtfully down at your peaceful face. He’s glad to see you so restful.

When it’s time to go, he doesn’t bother to try waking you. Instead, he carefully lifts you into his arms and carries you back to your room. He’s so very gentle when he tucks you in, stealthily sliding into bed beside you and cuddling you close <3

Portia practically pulls you into her lap when she notices you yawning. With a wink, she promises she’ll wake you up if anything crazy exciting happens. You smile up at her before falling asleep to the comforting sensation of her combing her fingers through your hair.

You’re knocked out for the remainder of the bonfire. Portia makes mental notes of all the things you’re missing, ready to regale you with all of the nonsense that occurred while you slept. She marvels over the fact that you could sleep through Lucio’s racket (though she did see your face twist in what could’ve been annoyance when he was being particularly loud). She was quick to quiet him down, shooting him a dirty look.

When it’s time to leave, Portia leans in to whisper in your ear, “Come on, cuddle bug. It’s time to go.” She giggles as your eyes flutter open and you flash a quizzical look her way. She’s never called you “cuddle bug” before and you’re not sure how you feel about it. You can’t help but laugh a little as she guides you back to the room, ready to settle in for the night with you <3

Muriel has been silent, as usual, the whole of the night. But you’ve caught him smiling a few times. He seems a bit mesmerized by the changing colors of the fire. Seeing him relaxed makes you feel even more relaxed than you already were. You lay your head down in Muriel’s lap, which startles him at first, and decide to close your eyes for a minute.

Well, a minute becomes a while. You’re lulled to sleep by Muriel’s warmth, the crackle of the fire, and the gentle rush of the waves. Muriel is rigid when he discovers you’ve fallen asleep on him. He doesn’t move a muscle the entire rest of the night, terrified to wake you up. In fact, he barely breathes in fear of rousing you (something you’ll laugh about later).

When it’s time to go, he awkwardly lifts you from the ground, cradling you gently in his arms. You wake up on the walk back to your room, but he keeps you snuggled up in his embrace. When you reach home, you fall asleep again, wrapped up in his arms <3

In the brief moment that night when Lucio is actually sitting still, you manage to lay your head in his lap. “Don’t you go falling asleep on me, MC!” he teases, catching you yawning, “The night is young, yet!” You roll your eyes at him, settling further in. Secretly, he’s happy you’re cuddling up with him.

Despite Lucio’s hullabaloo, you manage to fall asleep. When he looks down to ask if you want anything else to eat or drink, he notices you’re passed out in his lap. A lot of things go through his mind, all at once. He has half a mind to draw a moustache on you, smiling devilishly at the thought. But he’s also just really delighted that you’re relaxed enough with him to fall asleep.

He lets you rest (though he’s not very good at keeping quiet for you and, in his excitement over the bonfire, he definitely bonks you in the head a couple times with his knee which is followed up by profuse apologies, smooches, and hushes for you to go back to sleep). When it’s time to go, he shakes you awake (a bit unceremoniously), but makes up for it when you return to your room by tucking you into bed and cuddling up beside you <3

[upsidedownwithsteve]

A message.

I’d like to start by saying once more (due to it being the cause of so many hateful messages) that I support Palestine.

I donate to charities that fund several of the organisations that help and I use my business in the best way I can to give my services for free to fundraisers that also raise money for these causes. Shy of showing you my personal bank statements and private emails between myself and my clients, I don’t have any ways of showing this on tumblr.

I have several social media platforms, I have a business that I run, I have friends and family I talk to, I have an entire life off of this website. I choose to use tumblr to post my writing and for the most part, it’s become a really important space for me. Writing is one of the few things I truly do for myself. I enjoy it immensely and it can really bring me a lot of peace.

I choose not to blog anything other my writing, other people’s writing and general fandom related things on my blog because I like to keep it as that small space for myself and one of the things I love most. I understand wholly that that is a privilege in itself and I will not shy away from that fact.

However, I will not condone being hunted for the choices I make. For the vast majority of you, I am a stranger online and no one, absolutely no one, knows what I do off of this website. I won’t allow anyone to judge me on what they don’t see and don’t understand.

The size of my following was not a choice I made, it was not something I deliberately aimed for and it was not something I tried hard to make sure I achieved. It wasn’t the goal of this blog. I don’t deem myself capable of “influencing” anyone in anyway. I’m a fanfiction writer. I’m not a politician, I don’t claim to be the most educated person on political and worldwide matters. I simply would like to believe that everyone tries to help in anyway they can. I know not everyone has the financial means to donate and instead they choose to raise awareness in other ways - that’s absolutely okay.

But I - and others - do not have to follow the rule book someone else deemed law. You see, I gave my views and reasons and it wasn’t good enough. And now, if I chose to reblog certain things, I’m pretty sure I’d be dragged for being performative, or “back tracking.” I fear that with some people, who like to hide behind an anonymous button, I cannot win. Despite an argument revolving around real life issues, I think I can safely say it came across as a very personal attack.

As other people have mentioned before, I also don’t enjoy the idea of writing smut and happy ever after’s about our favourite fictional men and then reblogging the death of others in real life straight after. I know that’s the world right now. I’m aware. I read articles, I watch the news, I follow accounts on Twitter, on Instagram and I try and keep myself as up to date and as educated as possible. I just don’t show that on this one platform.

As many of you know, I do run my own business. I’m also five months pregnant. I’m definitely experiencing more stress than I usually do. I’m very happy and enjoying my pregnancy immensely but I struggled with sickness and tiredness for the majority of it so far. Whats to come in the next four months and beyond fills me with excitement and anxiety and nerves. Coming onto tumblr and writing about fiction is a little reprieve from that - again, a privilege I am so aware of.

But I won’t be tolerating any more hateful messages, I won’t be arguing with anyone. I’m not lowering myself to it. You can talk about me passively aggressively, you can choose to hate me, that’s fine. I’m happy blocking people and moving on. Anons will be off indefinitely, it’s been proven that too many people are willing to hide behind them. After the messages regarding myself and my unborn child, quite frankly, there’s not a lot of trust left when it comes to knowing how far people will sink.

I’ve said all I’d like to say on the matter, I’ve told people where I stand, my views on the genocide that is occurring, what I’m able to do about it in my personal life and why I choose to keep this particular space the way I do.

I hope everyone can try to understand and respect that. If you don’t, that’s fine, that’s your prerogative. I don’t go out of my way to challenge, or police, or demand things from people I do not know. I hope that no one thinks that they have the right to do that to myself and others. I’m under no obligation to follow someone else’s rules.

I don’t know what the future holds for this blog, pregnancy and real life is very much taking priority over writing at the moment, but I do like to try when I can. I can’t lie either, the messages and their content that I received really left me feeling dejected and frustrated, this fandom really has turned into something rather poisonous. I’d like to be able to rise above it and in the mean time, even if I’m not always present, I’d like people to be able to access the stories I worked really hard on.

Thank you for reading,

Emmy 🧡

[johnnyutah]

average adam faulkner stanheight fan: if adam isn’t in saw xi we riot! @lionsgate @kevingruetert @jameswan #adamlives #justiceforadam #corpseinconsistencies

average john kramer fan: What people don’t realize about John, is he’s such a genius that even when he makes mistakes, he planned on making the mistakes. He is the greatest villain of all time

average jill tuck fan: Appreciation post for the Women of Saw 🩷 [the same ten photos that get posted once a week]

average lawrence gordon fan: last night i watched a 2004 tv movie about serial killers called ‘the riverman’, followed by the cheesy family rom-com ‘a castle for christmas’. today my friends and i are going to binge the entire third season of netflix’s ‘stranger things’. none of us have seen a single episode of the rest of the show and we don’t plan on it. then we might rewatch ‘another country’ together

average amanda young fan: sorry i haven’t been online in 4 weeks i’ve been too busy trying to get the new pig cosmetic in the rift [posted 7 weeks ago]

average mark hoffman fan: [underneath a gifset of costas mandylor in a republican christian propaganda ‘sci-fi’ movie] #hes so fucking hot #i would give anything to put him in a sports bra and make him do jumping jacks in front pf me i would literally do #ANYTHING #i need to make him into a marionett and fist him lol

average daniel rigg fan: Here’s a quick low effort doodle I did of Daniel! I just love him so much ❤️ [a literal masterpiece, the best art you’ve ever seen in your entire life] [3 notes]

average allison kerry fan: i am hardcore attached to ONE ship which is probably either allison/amanda or allison/lindsey and my whole blog is devoted to them. there are dozens of us DOZENS

average lynn denlon fan: okay so i know bahar is a realtor now but in her last instagram post where she’s congratulating her son on some new achievement, both the first and last words in the post have 11 letters, AND there’s an X and an I visible in the background of her post 👀?? is this a reach???

average jeff denlon fan: No seriously let me finish seriously when you compare him to the other shitty men in Saw he’s NOT that b

average david tapp fan: i’m 39k away from publishing my 40k tappsing Everybody Lives AU <3 this is going to be epic [account has been deactivated for an indeterminate amount of time]

average brit stevenson and mallick scott fan: Hey I stayed up making this instead of writing my thesis paper for grad school. Here’s a 30,000 word document about the implications of Brit’s promotion within the Marshford group and how it would lead to her eventual demise and also how she rose to the top in her group. It also delves into her relationship with Mallick, whose existence, I believe, is an obvious literary reference to an ancient Roman play read by only me and three other people currently alive. I translated relevant passages and included them in my work. I got understimulated around page 8 so I did take a break to pierce myself in the same spot that I believe Mallick would have a piercing. If you read my fics on AO3 you will already be familiar with the location.

average peter strahm fan: haha peter does CRACK cocoaine haha i think he sniffeds some drugs! why else would he be so MANIC HYPER CRAZY!!! i love my crazy JUNKIE man LOL get him some andderall STAT!! if hoffman didn’t kill him the SPEED certianly would of! LOL!

average lindsey perez fan: i love lindsey perez i’m such a big fan of the character lindsey perez

average matt gibson fan: i literally would eat garbage out of a dumpster

average ezekiel banks fan: holy shit i just finished spiral what a good movie what the hell!!! what a cool addition to the saw universe! i bet everybody else loves this as much as i do! let me take a big drink of water as i check tumblr dot com to see all the nice things people will have to say about darren lynn bousman’s Spiral

average william schenk fan: my hobbies include: being a fujoshi,

average cecelia pederson fan: [pic of cecelia yanking on the metal loop around her neck and smirking] https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vT3f5IIzt5PG-M7G9_Z-gjY4gZaiUneTdMlYrFAcdBGcJo0-N-RDQcj2JfxOaBTxKa6J_DiDQNgqVpg/pub

average logan jigsaw fan: What people don’t realize about John, is he’s such a genius that even when he makes mistakes, he planned on making the mistakes. He is the greatest villain of all time

[vincentbriggs]

Good sir, I am hoping to pick your brain. I’m making an 18-century (“pirate”) shirt as a gift to my friend. He wants tie closures on the neck and cuffs instead of buttons. Might you have any insight or resources for this? I’ve seen the ties in at least one of the extant shirts I’ve viewed online. I’m still pretty new to the sewing gig and I’d like to minimize inventing metaphorical wheel as much as possible. Thanks in advance!

It's very unusual, but do know of one example! (Not that extant one though)

But first - Link to my most thorough shirt construction blog post. (It's a few years old and I've improved a few little things in my technique since then, and I mean to finish writing a new and better one before the year is over.)

Ok, ties on shirts! I'm assuming this is the extant one you're talking about? Tbh I'd discount this one entirely if you're looking for information on 18th century men's shirts because I don't think it is one.

Besides the attached ties, the sleeves are extremely weird. They're cut off and have no wristbands!! This would make it quite impossible to wear under a coat, the wristbands are an absolutely essential part of an 18th century shirt. I also don't see any reason to believe this is actually 18th century when it could just as easily be 19th century, and considering how short the slit is I think that more likely.

(Lots of auction sellers like to say "late 18th century" about things that are like... yeahh maaaaybe that's plausibly from a very fashion forward guy in the late 1790's but it's much more likely early 19th century. And with court dress they sometimes just straight up date it several decades too early. Look at lots of examples and always question everything, because museums don't always date things correctly either.)

I think I remember seeing someone mention once that it was a 19th century workman's garment of some sort, but I can't remember where, and all we've got to go on are a few pictures and a brief caption from a seller who doesn't know what they're talking about. It does look like it could have been worn over another layer though, and the fabric is very coarse. It could also have been altered at a later date for theatrical costume, which is something the Victorians did to A LOT of 18th century garments.

So just ignore that shirt!

The vast majority of 18th century mens shirts close with 2 or 3 buttons on the collar, but there is a style that uses ribbons. It appears to have been fairly common in the late 17th and early 18th century, and then slowly dwindles as the century goes on. I have a section for it on my shirts pinterest board with 64 examples. Ooh, wait, 65, just found a new one.

The collar is made with little to no overlap and one buttonhole on each end, and a ribbon is threaded through them.

Portrait of Carl Gustaf Tessin, 1728.

Sir Charles Howard, 1738.

I actually made one of these last year!

The collar doesn't sit as well with the ribbon as it does with 2 buttons, but once you put a stock over it it's fine.

Nearly every single depiction of an 18th century shirt I've ever seen (and I've spent a LOT of time looking) uses sleeve links on the wristbands. (Which I have a tutorial for! They're really easy to make!) I do sleeve links on most of my everyday shirts because I like them better than sewn on buttons. When the wristband is this narrow, sewn on buttons don't sit very nicely.

But! If your friend wants ties on the wrist in a historical way, I do know of one single example, and it's this guy!

Giovanni Maria delle Piane, Portrait of a nobleman. No date given, but if I had to guess I'd say 1680's or 90's. Very late 17th century looking fellow.

We can't see his collar closure, but I think it's very possible that he has a matching red ribbon holding that closed.

Personally I wouldn't want to try these, because they look like an absolute nightmare to tie by yourself one handed. But the good news is that you could make just regular wristband that take sleeve links and they'd work for this too, since both just have a buttonhole at each end! I aim for a finished wristband length that's 10-14mm longer than my wrist measurement, with the buttonhole being about 4 or 5mm in from the edge, which gives me enough ease to wear them comfortably with sleeve links, so if you do that then he'll be able to wear them both ways.

[ao3commentoftheday]

How do you build confidence as a writer and start to feel okay with your own writing, as well as the stats your writing gets? I’m not a new writer, and I don’t think I’m a bad one, but I am really bad with capturing the fandom zeitgeist, and a lot of the times when I try to write characters based on how they acted in canon, I get accused of bashing them. I don’t care about rude or unflattering comments on my fics, but definitely fewer people kudos my fics when I try to write the characters how I see them instead of fanon characterization, and it sucks to know I don’t make fic recs lists or even get casually recced for anything I’ve ever written on Discord because of my writing choices. More and more often, I feel like I shouldn’t write because I know my fics will never get the praise and attention BNFs do, and then I feel guilty for not writing. But I also know that if I do, I’ll just end up with more fic readers won’t want, and let’s face it: it’s not like anyone will choose my fics when they could have a BNF’s. Is there any way for me to accept that no one will ever love my fic as much as they love fics by BNFs, and to stay motivated in spite of feeling like my writing is just permanently unwanted? Or would giving up at this point be kinder to myself if I can’t stop comparing? (I know frequent advice in these cases is to focus on building friendships and finding a community, but IME, people in fandom either aren’t interested, don’t reach out, or already have had their friends circle since the LJ days and don’t want to bother with you. Any advice on where I’d even begin?)

*hugs* Oof. That's a rough spot to be in, anon, and you're definitely not alone 💗

I think in this situation, you need to figure out what exactly it is that you're looking for. You start by asking how to get confidence as a writer, but I think you already have it. You know what stories you want to tell, and you write those stories the way you want to tell them. To me, that means that you have plenty of confidence. You have a clear vision and goal, and you write with them in mind.

Next, you mention stats but I don't think that's the issue either - except inasmuch as they can be a sign of other things. Stats on their own, however, are just numbers attached to your works. If seeing those numbers on your works and the works of others causes you distress or annoyance or another emotion you'd rather not experience, then I strongly recommend using a site skin to hide them.

The bulk of your message is about what it sounds like the issue really is: attention, praise, and yes community. You want people to get excited with about your works. You want people to talk to other people about the things that you write. You want to feel loved, or at least appreciated. You're not alone in wanting those things either.

I think the writing side of things is going well - at least from the information you've provided here. The part that isn't working for you is the posting. Putting your work up on AO3 is not only dissatisfying, it's actively discouraging you from writing more.

I'm going to make my own suggestion and then I'll leave the floor open for the blog to add in their thoughts: Have you considered role playing instead of fic writing? For the last several years, I've tucked my writing away in a discord server with my fandom bestie. We've written thousands of stories and millions of words, almost none of which have ever been posted to AO3. We don't feel the need for comments and kudos because we're both having so much fun collaborating with our blorbos and each other, writing things to make the other one happy (or sad or laugh etc), that what other people might think about it doesn't actually matter.

She also RPs in various servers with friends and strangers alike, but I haven't enjoyed that as much as just shooting replies back and forth with her. Your mileage may vary, as they say, but that might be one way to get the feedback and excitement that you're craving - whether it's in a big server with lots going on or just a little corner of 2 or 3 people.

What do the rest of you think?

[eddiessluttywaist]

desiderium

an eddie munson series

AGELESS/BLANK/UNDER 18 BLOGS ARE NOT WELCOME TO INTERACT. PLEASE RESPECT MY RULES AND BOUNDARIES.

summary: eddie’s odd, forgotten childhood friend seeks him out when he needs her more than he realizes.

pairing: bsf!mechanic!bartender!eddie x eccentric!bsf!fem!reader

word count: 4,752 words

content/warnings: eventual smut so MDNI, angst, swearing, loneliness, mentions of drugs and crime, mentions of imprisonment, family issues, feeling unwanted, slight bullying, anxiety, nightmares, insomnia, depression, loss and grief, mentions of spit, super brief mention of alcohol and vomit, very brief mentions of breakups and inappropriate sexual relations (nothing reader or eddie are apart of). i think that’s it!

a/n: this is my first attempt at a slow burn series so i hope it’s good! i’m also trying a new setup with photos instead of gifs ^ i’ve seen a lot of other people do it and i think it looks really cool so! also creds to who owns and posted these photos! they’re not mine, i just made the collage!

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5

*

Eddie Munson had grown bitter since you last saw him. To be fair, the last time you saw him was when you were kids but still. You always knew him to be boisterous. Adventurer Eddie. Eddie with the weird ideas and cool drawings. Eddie who made you laugh until your stomach cramped and you would cry out that he was going to make you wet yourself.

You didn’t know it as a kid but even then he couldn’t catch a break from the world around him, and apparently it never stopped spiraling even when it beat him into a hollow shell covered in grease during the weekdays and alcohol—and occasionally vomit—on the weekends. He was worn down by his own worries that never seemed to cease and miserable stories of others admitting things they should’ve never said aloud. Sometimes the stories were fun or at least amusing, but mostly just depressing. This was Hawkins after all.

This wasn’t an Eddie you knew. Had someone told you that man in the garage wasn’t him, you simply would’ve nodded and kept going on your journey to find him.

But it was him, and you were positive he was meant to be back in your life. No matter how much it was hurting right now.

*

You didn’t know why he left at first. It was as if he ceased to exist, and sometimes—when you were all alone at night—you wondered if he had been a ghost. If he had been an imaginary friend, but surely not? He had his own home you hung out in. His own dad who let you guys eat too much junk food and stay up too late. He looked and sounded real when he would scarf down several bowls of honeycomb cereal with those slurping noises you always hated and would whine at him over. He felt real when you would play wrestle—and unfortunately very real when he won and would pin you down while slowly letting a string of saliva stretch down towards your face in an empty threat. He never really did it, but it was gross all the same, and when he’d let up you’d punch his arm as hard as you could.

One day, you asked if your parents remembered him and your father scoffed at the question while he stared at the newspaper, but at least he acknowledged you at all. Meanwhile your mother had all her focus on putting her earrings in and checking her makeup in the small mirror on a wall surrounded by family photos. Those framed pictures felt emptier than the looming threat of Eddie’s spit touching your face.

“Well his father’s a bottom feeder stuck in prison,” your dad flicked his paper to straighten it out again from where it had begun to bow backwards. “And his kid is probably no better. You’ll make other friends.”

You never understood why he was so cold about the loss of your only friend. You’ll make other friends. Yeah right. No one liked you. Everyone made fun of the way you sat idly on swings just to kick on occasion as you focused more on the book in your hands, or the way you’d squat down and give all your attention to a bug in front of you. Either a line of ants that you regarded with pure intrigue because you wondered how they always filed so neatly and did their best to stay together. Sometimes you left crumbs by them just to see if you could watch them pick them up. You’d watch snails and show them the attentiveness and respect you felt they deserved as they slowly trudged along—so determined, you thought. You’d watch butterflies and try to keep track of all the different kinds you saw. A lot of them were small and fluttery with those buttery white wings, but sometimes you saw a monarch and your eyes would grow large with excitement.

You cried when Zachary McKay would stomp on the anthills or teased you about how the French ate snails—something his dad would say was just more proof of how odd Europeans are. They were one of those arrogant “We love our Country!” households with an “I can do whatever I want—America is the land of the free” ideology and it showed in their unbridled and privileged ass of a child. You didn’t inform him that one Spring of the wasp nest that formed on the underside of the slide he frequented. Maybe it was mean, but you were content in silence over on your swing when you heard him crying out in pain one day. He developed a crush on you in high school that dramatically contrasted how he treated you in grade school—and even tried to make a move at Maddi Ecker’s 17th birthday party—but you could only think of the ants and the snails. You turned him down and he was horrible to you again.

You eventually did make some friends, other odds and ends throughout your school, but it wasn’t the same as it was with Eddie. Maybe it was childish and stubborn, but you could feel it deep in your gut that he was one of a kind. So you couldn’t let him go. All those years you ached for your friend who you considered lost. He always came up with wild stories and (when you were still relatively young) you imagined he had become a pirate and was lost at sea. Or became a gunslinger in the Wild West and didn’t draw fast enough. Maybe he went to slay dragons and wound up a burnt crisp of a human. That last one made you cringe the most, but he probably would’ve liked it the most. He loved mythical creatures the way you adored real creatures. By high school you weren’t as naive. You heard about his dad—caught with multiple charges of grand theft auto, a hit-and-run in one of said stolen cars, and dealing drugs. The hard shit. Not weed or shrooms. But the kind of stuff that really ruins lives.

You always thought Eddie had a good home. His dad didn’t hate him the way you were sure your parents hated you, and he had a nice house. It wasn’t a mansion or anything, but they really didn’t need anything beyond a one story and a sizable basement with only two of them. In hindsight, you supposed he couldn’t find a home in that childhood house anymore than you could with yours. Yours lacked love. His lacked a reliable source of income.

Over time you heard about the night with all the sirens and social workers. The night he turned into a spirit that had finally moved on—an imaginary friend that your growing mind ceased to conjure. He lived with his uncle over in Indiana, rather than your small town in Ohio. Even in your mid twenties, he flashed in your mind like a small blip on occasion and it still twisted your stomach.

You thought of asking if you should go to him whenever you remembered, but you thought you needed a sign. What if you showed up too early? And you messed up any possible grand plans? So you avoided indulging in questions about him to your tarot cards or over your pendulum map. On occasion you caved and just asked a simple question: is he safe? It was a yes every time you broke and just had to check up on him, and the answer reassured you for long enough until the next time the concern rose up to unbearable levels.

But then you started getting those dreams. Sometimes they were just memories playing from deep within the archives of your mind. Sometimes they were nightmares of yelling at someone to go away, only to realize it was Eddie far too late—and when you wanted to run after him to correct the mistake, you couldn’t move as quickly as you knew you were capable of.

It went on for about a month before you finally broke. Your eyes had snapped open, accidentally waking yourself in the middle of saying what you had been shouting to Dream Eddie out loud into your pitch black room. You glanced at the time. 11:11 PM. You felt your heart skip a beat before you shoved yourself out of bed. You had to take a moment to steady yourself against your bedpost from the sudden movement making you dizzy, but then you were flicking on the light and digging through your belongings. You didn’t even give yourself a chance to wipe away at the thin sheen of sweat over your skin from August heat mixed with a cheap fan that really didn’t make that much of a difference, and the stress from the events that had played deep in your mind while you slept.

With a shaky breath, you smoothed out your map on the floor where you were squatting, and steadily held your pendulum over the center. Does he need me? You finally asked and watched as the chain connected to a sphere of rose quartz slowly began to circle. It sped up and then began to dart in different directions before finally swinging back and forth between both of the “YES''s on the piece of cloth.

*

It took a little over a month to arrange your departure from your life in small town Ohio—not that small town Indiana was really all that different. You had briefly been back at your childhood house after your lease came to an end for the apartment you shared with a friend (who didn’t want to renew because she wanted to move in with her boyfriend, and you didn’t have the heart to tell her that the card spread you had laid out all pointed towards a breakup). All of this to say you didn’t have a lease or mortgage to tie you down. You certainly didn’t have a boyfriend (you haven’t had one since college), and you didn’t even like your job at the local mart so it was easy to give your two weeks. Your parents were just as sick of your presence now as when you were a child, and were willing to help you in every way possible to get you to just leave again. Had you not been so focused on your end goal, you might’ve taken a beat to really feel the hurt that always came with parents who only came to your aid when it meant keeping you at arm's length. But you couldn’t focus on it and really (for the sake of your mental health) you shouldn’t focus on it. All of your energy went towards Eddie who seemed so far, even if he was supposedly just a few hours and a state line away.

You didn’t have a place yet, which was a mistake on your part for rushing, but you could stay in a motel for the time being. The prices were pretty low anyways and the owner seemed pleasantly surprised by the sudden source of money and company. The lot belonged to her husband who had passed a few years back, so now it was only her running the place. Her daughter helped sometimes, but she had another job to focus on—only coming to help when the older woman was ill. So even though she appeared kind of grumpy at first, she really softened up to you when you wound up padding out of your room the first night and asked if she wanted to play Go Fish. You had been feeling antsy and lonely, and you were right to assume she felt lonely too.

Over the past week or so, you found a friend in that creaking, groaning motel. You did have a bit of a tendency to befriend the adults around you more often than kids your age when you were younger and it still happened now, apparently. A shrink at university pointed out once that it had to do with the lack of guardianship and guidance growing up. That you were trying to replace something that had always been missing, but you didn’t go back to him after a couple sessions. You didn’t like how patronizing he was, telling you things you already knew. And when you asked your dowsing rods if he was sleeping with any of his clients, the two pieces in your fists whipped open in a blatant “Yes!” But he wasn’t around now to make you feel low with his supercilious commentary and his notes that he always scratched down right in front of you. Your parents weren’t around to remind you of how utterly unlovable you can be. It was just you, Martha at Hawkins’ Blue Bird Inn, and hopefully a pleasant reunion on the horizon.

Today was the day to finally see Eddie, and Martha urged some confidence into you this morning before sending you on your way with the directions to the garage. No matter how many times you clarified he was just your childhood best friend, she got that sly look about her that always showed when an adult was all amused about the novice in front of them being openly or involuntarily blind to love.

So there you were. On a mild Wednesday morning in late September, standing before Thacher Tire after a lot of asking around, a lot of time flipping through Martha’s phone book, and even more odd looks. You let out a careful breath, doing your best to reassure yourself with the knowledge that the people you spoke to knew his name in the first place. He had to be here, and even if he wasn’t working today he should at least be employed here. Maybe you could be told when to come back to speak with him or where you could find him outside of work. Would they share something like that? People don’t tend to care about privacy in small towns, that’s why everyone knew (generally) where everyone else was. Maybe if you clarified that you’re an old friend, they wouldn’t treat you as a customer and tell you where he would be.

You were wringing your hands as you eyed the door in front of you. The glass looking in was worn from age and weather, clearly cleaned so people could see through it, but there seemed to be an aging to the corners where the rectangle of glass met the surrounding wood that couldn’t be scrubbed out. It felt like a portal looking into what could be, and you suddenly felt yourself getting anxious with what exactly meant could be. You had a knack for catastrophizing, and spiraled in all of the worst case scenarios until you were running back to your car and abandoning the lot.

*

“Trust me, it’s not as scary as it seems. Going for those intimidating opportunities is always better in the long run than letting ‘em slip away,'' Martha murmured to you before biting into the sandwich you brought her.

You bought typical fast food that you always came running back to when you were stressed, but she didn’t like the grease. You learned that over the past week when you brought up your bad habit, and her nose scrunched up at the mention of crappy burgers and overly salted fries. Instead you got her a tuna sandwich from the nearby marketplace, and she shared her big jug of iced, sweet tea with you.

“I haven’t seen him for over ten years…,” you sigh, toying with the crackling paper that was wrapped around your cheeseburger. “What if I’m the only one who clung onto our friendship? What if it’s stupid to him?”

“Mm, us women always do hold on longer,” she hummed thoughtfully and you refrained from your urge to correct her old-fashioned view of gender dynamics for the sake of staying on topic. “I still think you should go for it.”

“What if… what if it’s not what I think it’ll be? What if I’ve turned him into someone more fictional than Eddie in my mind, and when I’m faced with how he really is now I just… I dunno…wish I didn’t come here?”

“They never are what you conjure up. They’re always better up here,” she pointed a bony finger to her temple and you focused on one of the curls in her short gray hair for a second before bringing your gaze back to hers. “I still think you should go for it.”

You huff out a laugh at her repetition, smiling sadly to yourself as you look down at your hands and notice the thin sheen of grease on them. Maybe Martha’s right. Maybe this food is gross. You grab a few napkins from the brown paper bag and wipe at your fingers.

“Just think of it this way: is it worse knowing the truth or worse never knowing?”

*

Eddie had been having a shit day. Actually he had been having a shit week. If he let himself truly indulge in his pessimism, he’d be acknowledging that he’s altogether just had a shit life, but he was trying not to fall into that trap. It would make him the kind of depressed and bitter that made him snap at others and then feel guilty about it—which only made him feel worse about himself.

He hasn’t been sleeping well, a sudden flare up of his insomnia throwing off his circadian rhythm. He thought with how busy his schedule was that he’d knock out the second his head hit the pillow, but he only seemed to be exhausted until he finally laid down. Then was when his thoughts randomly chose to run and his heart would race with the sudden surge of anxiety-inducing thoughts. He was beginning to feel so overwhelmed by everything that his eyes burned with the beginnings of hot tears but he wiped at them carelessly with the heels of his hands before they could become too real. In his mind, they didn’t exist until they fell.

Eddie ached with exhaustion that only seemed to let up when he could actually get a shot at some rest. He ached with loss and grief. He ached with pure misery and painful seclusion and a silent trailer—besides the occasional buzz of electricity through his lamp that he turned back on when he realized he wouldn’t be sleeping anyway, or the groan of the old mobile home settling against its cinder blocks. The upcoming season made itself known through the ever growing chill that formed at night and occasionally blew through every crack and crease of the trailer, making him shiver and pull his blankets up before inevitably growing hot again and kicking them away.

He missed his friends that he rarely saw. Everyone is busy nowadays. He missed Wayne who… god, he couldn’t even think about it. He missed Chrissy who lit up his world Spring of ‘86 just for them to drift apart. People seemed to drift from him a lot. People seemed comfortable with forgetting him and giving a brief call only when they got a pang of guilt at any reminder that they were getting awfully close to leaving him behind. But who was he to drag them down? It was heart-aching enough to live the way he did sometimes, let alone when people acknowledged just how heart-aching it was. Sometimes he even missed his dad, but he always avoided thinking too hard about him before it could sink his mood to a new level that would be hard to crawl out of.

He hadn’t been able to fall asleep Wednesday night until early into Thursday morning. He settled into a deep rest around 4 AM just to be abruptly woken up by his 6:30 alarm to make sure he was at Thacher’s by 7:00.

“Fuck off…,” Eddie groaned out loud and slammed his fist down onto the alarm clock, never lifting his face from where it was planted right against his worn pillow.

He laid there for what felt like forever, but was really only a few minutes before he finally peeled himself out of his spot. Forcing himself from the comfort of his old mattress was never easy, especially when he couldn’t rely on any excuses he made up as a teenager to just flop right back into his bed. He had to get up. He had to work.

He went to make his usual toast just to see there was only the end piece left in his loaf of bread, and let out a guttural groan of frustration as he tilted his head back. He forgot to stop at the store. Grumbling a bitter so that’s how today’s gonna go under his breath, he shoved the sad excuse for a slice of bread into the toaster and then began looking through the kitchen for something else to satiate him until lunch.

He wound up eating what was left in his jar of peanut butter with a spoon after slathering the small piece of toast with jelly. He didn’t have time to clean a travel mug (which he forgot to clean last night) so he took a regular one with him on his commute, and wound up dumping his coffee all over himself mid-sip when he had to stop short for a kid suddenly biking across the road. The young teen laughed at the close call and made his way to the other side of the street. Eddie glanced down at his drenched t-shirt and coveralls, releasing his third irritated groan of the morning while he rolled his eyes up to the ceiling of his van before focusing back on the road and moving his foot to the gas. He focused on taking deep breaths as he gripped the steering wheel and made his way to the shop.

Thankfully, Linda had already started a pot of coffee in the break room which he happily drank and patted at his wet clothing with one of the blue shop towels. Staining was inevitable and it really didn’t matter with the coveralls anyways, but that didn’t mean he had to be damp. Taking that moment at the start of his shift helped with his mood, but the amount of customers bitching over the phone about how long it was taking to get their cars back were steadily draining him back into a surly mood. The most he had to look forward to and keep himself from unnecessarily snapping at someone was the fact that it was almost the weekend—and yes he would still have to work nights at The Hideout, but at least he didn’t have to get up early.

*

Never knowing was decidedly worse.

You had concluded this after ruminating on it all night—with and then without Martha’s help. And despite all of your anxieties that were just barely buried under the surface, you made yourself go to the garage again.

An obnoxious, tinny bell sounded and a dull voice said from behind a counter: Welcome to Thacher Tire. What can we do for you?

You approached carefully as if you moved too quickly, the depressing gray and beige setting around you—which held far more meaning for you than just fixing cars—would suddenly melt away and you’d wake up.

“Do you know where I could find Eddie Munson?” you asked in a soft voice, and the woman obnoxiously chomping at her gum looked up at you over the top of her glasses before looking back down at the paperwork in front of her.

“He’s in the garage. Is he working on your car?”

Your heart jumped and although you hated to lie, you did.

“Yes,” you said probably too quickly, but it seemed nothing could get this woman to care.

“Wait over there, please,” she spoke in a voice that was just as greige as her place of work.

You thanked her meekly and shuffled over to one of the worn, faux leather and hard plastic seats. The room smelled of cheap pine air fresheners and the potent combination of oil, and that specific rubber scent of brand new tires. The space with the front desk and the waiting area was small enough to be cramped if it was a busy day, but since you were the only visitor at the moment you didn’t have to be confronted by the full potential of such limited space. You toyed with your hands and tried to pay attention to the fuzzy television in one corner of the room, but you couldn’t help listening in on the receptionist’s call.

“…’s a girl here to talk to ya… uh-huh… yeah I know… uh, no I don’t think so. I doubt it. Her voice is different from the one that keeps calling about the Ford. Might be though... ‘Kay.”

You anxiously wiped your sweaty palms over your jeans as you heard the clunk of hard plastic settling back into its cradle. What if he didn’t remember you? What if he did, but didn’t care? What if he thought you were weird for showing up? What if he grew up to be someone who stomps on anthills?

Your head shot up at the sound of a door opening and then closing from the back, and a man in filthy coveralls approached the woman behind the desk. He had messy, curly bangs settled on his forehead and the rest of his long hair was in a low ponytail. He was sweaty and clearly exhausted as he wiped at his forehead and left a swipe of grease in his wake, speaking quietly to the receptionist before making his way over to you. The closer he got, the better you could smell the grease and sweat and bitter coffee, but it didn’t deter you. What truly threw you were the circles under his eyes and the sort of pale cast to his skin that people got when they were fatigued or ill. You weren’t sure why a part of you expected to see an eleven year old kid approach you with a god awful buzz cut and big brown eyes, even after fourteen years.

This was it. This was your moment. The time to reclaim your best friend, and have the greatest person you had ever met back into your life. Why was your throat suddenly so dry? You swallowed anxiously and then parted your lips to speak and-

“Miss, I know you’re waiting on your car to be fixed before the weekend—I promise I’m working as quickly as I can.”

You tried not to cringe at the use of “miss” and looked up at him with wide, sad eyes wondering why he didn’t see an almost ten year old girl with a messy braid in her hair that she did by herself, complaining at him to chew with his mouth closed.

“I lied,” You said bluntly and the man stared at you in a way that felt blank and still despite his wonderment.

“I-I don’t have a car here. I just wanted to talk to you.”

He eyed you curiously, his hands slowly wiping onto an old rag. It looked like it had been used so many times, you doubted it was even picking up any filth on his hands but just moving it around instead. He was clearly thrown off by the sentiment which brought a sort of youthfulness to his face in that moment of curiosity before his features hardened.

“Listen. I’m sure whatever prank you have conjured up is hilarious, but I’m tired and trying to do my job.”

“No-- no, no,” you tried to clarify, shooting up from your seat. “I—I-”

But he was already swiftly stomping away from you towards the back, muttering to the receptionist with a quick and surely rude comment about you on his way. You were moments from being politely asked to leave, you’re sure, but the woman hesitated with a gentle expression when she saw you approach her with glossy eyes.

“Could you please just give him this?” you asked in a soft voice that you did your best to keep even, but of course it wobbled just enough to be humiliating. You could feel the heat in your face and (even worse) the moisture in your eyes so you did your best to avoid eye contact.

You outstretched your arm and she met you halfway with a nod, allowing you to drop the old friendship bracelet into her palm.

[nightgoodomens]

Okay strange anon but the sheens and Tennants have been dropping sooo many hints lately it’s genuinley getting to the point where I feel like they don’t really care if anyone knows. Idk if that makes sense but I feel like they’re either building up to actually coming out as some form of poly or something (which still feels unlikely) BUT if they are actually poly that’s four famous adults and about 100 blonde children to all keep something a secret that they aren’t really trying to keep a secret so it’s almost like back for if/when someone does slip up and the polycule tm (however that looks) gets leaked.

I mean Michael and David have been so very obvious from the very beginning but I honestly thought they will never confirm anything.

Look what’s happening at the moment at the mere suggestions - people are being called sick and twisted and not normal just for saying that these two are in love. Fucking hell. People are even finding all the excuses for them being neighbours, they can’t even cope with that.

So I thought no way these two will want to deal with this shit.

But… fuck, something seems to be going on.

Here is my take on when I think things shifted, this is of course a very personal guess, so obviously I might be wrong about this.

So before I get to that certain day - at the time I was only watching things unfold and not commenting on the blog about it apart from dropping a little hint here and there, sorry lovely people who sent me asks then and I didn’t respond, but fuck it, I’m going to talk about it now…

Remember that day GT posted that unfortunate picture of her child and said she was a drunk accident? She bragged about sex.

Remember how Michael went a little insane on Twitter about David then?

Because I remember seeing that and it kind of hit me and I remember thinking… fuck, Michael is jealous. And Michael is no longer happy with being a complete secret.

If I remember correctly, after causing uproar on Twitter that day, he went dead quiet - apart from just showing up quickly the exact moment David was on stage presenting in New York and then he disappeared again.

And things have changed since then.

This is when we started having David talking about Michael, his outfits becoming more obvious, and his behaviour, GT going very hard on queer promo highlighting everything queer he wore, now the outfits being a clear response to Michael’s “Thin Dark Duke”, etc.

December.

Suddenly a private picture of DT and MS.

Suddenly a perfect picture of Michael and David sharing the most special look after Macbeth, like there’s nobody else in the room.

I expected damage control. Surprisingly no.

Instead we got Lapland. One big happy family. In their matching sweaters. And when the general idea was for a photoshoot of Family/Couple/Celeb-on-their-own - we got family and a couple… of Michael and David.

That was a lot within just a few weeks.

And that was PR, official photos. But not the damage control that I expected, instead another nod to the family thing.

Then Georgia starts promoting Anna’s paid for photoshoot and they’re playing wives which is horribly lame to look at because there’s such a lack of real sympathy between them that it only highlights to me how real MS/DT are. But! It does work to show the whole family thing, doesn’t it? It does push the whole we are one big family and nobody is a victim here.

(Also I think they hope she gets a job and goes, considering how miserable Michael looks by her side)

And now we are here. GT dropping on us that they’re neighbours. It’s only beginning of February.

And I see people doing mental gymnastics regarding whether it’s rented or bought and whether door by door… it literally doesn’t matter. At the end of the day the point is the effort to live close to each other.

My opinion though - there’s bigger probability that Michael and David discussed Michael getting something in London and David letting Michael know as soon as a house became available on his street - rather than a house miraculously becoming available to rent by David just when Michael needed it for NYE. Unless David owns another house and rented it to Michael. But - the specifics don’t really matter.

Curious now then… GT just dropped this before Michael’s Graham Norton show and David having something that day too I think?

So… we are either getting damage control next or we are continuing feeding the rumours.

At the moment to me it looks like they want people to realise that there indeed is something going on. Either so if something slips then they go “well… we never hid anything” or there will be some sort of confirmation.

But when I think about confirmation… There’s already been love declarations. What else is there to say?

[multimusedreamss]

Dᥲtιᥒg thᥱ Evᥲᥒs

Chᥲrᥲᥴtᥱrs: Kit, Kyle (pre & post death), Colin, Jeff + Peter Rᥱᥲdᥱr Tყρᥱ: Gender Neutral Aᥙthor's Notᥱ: This is a repost from my old tumblr blog @/mrs-darling that I had deleted a couple of years ago but still kept this, so I figured I'd share it again. This was also initially a request for just Kit and Kyle but I decided to make it ‘the Evans’ instead! I added Jeff for a laugh, it might actually be a terrible depiction but I tried. Wᥲrᥒιᥒgs: pure fluff & slight NSFW (sex mention & also drug reference because of Jeff)

Kιt Wᥲᥣkᥱr

Kit is super domesticated with or without a significant other, so dating him would be relaxing but still fun

Most of your dates would take place at one of your homes

Whether it was a home-cooked meal that you both cooked together

Or a movie night with all of the sweets and treats that he picked up on the way to your house

Baking together whether it be cookies, cupcakes, cake, or anything really

He loves cinnamon buns though

So that was always a go-to

Drive-in theater dates

Going to the fair together

Kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel

After a while of dating, you’d moved in together

He is really affectionate

I’m pretty sure his love language would be physical touch

So expect to be greeted with a hug and a kiss when he came home from work and also when he left for work or just went anywhere really

Kit is a top-tier boyfriend

He always supported you no matter what you wanted to do

Whether it was a career path you wanted to take, going to college, writing a book, being a waitress, being a chef, having your own business run out of your home

It didn’t matter, you always had his support

He would never let anything bad happen to you

He would straight-up punch a dude if they ever laid a hand on you inappropriately

When he was in Briarcliff, you’d both write to each other as much as possible

You’d also visit as much as they’d allow

When he finally got out, he asked you to marry him

And you had the best wedding you could have asked for

Kყᥣᥱ Sρᥱᥒᥴᥱr (ρrᥱ & ρost dᥱᥲth)

(pre-death)

Kyle is a literal angel

Baby would fall for you so hard so fast

You didn’t mind because you felt the same way about him

When you went to frat parties together, he’d always have a protective arm around you or hold your hand just so everyone knows you're his and none of the frat boys take advantage of you

He’d rarely leave your side at a party because he knows how frat boys can be

You’d do the cutest things together

Like building blanket forts and watching movies with a phone projector

Play board games together

Netflix and chill

Having spa nights occasionally where you’d do face masks and mani/pedis 

Of course, he would never let you tell anyone he enjoyed those things

Study together

Which usually ended in a small make-out session as a reward for studying so hard

You’d also do silly things together

Like putting googly eyes on everything in his frat house (it was totally his idea)

Trying new things together 

Like having him try a pottery class where he accidentally spun the wheel so much the clay flew off the table

Overall, dating Kyle would be so much fun and he’d treat you like an absolute Queen

(post-death)

You would have dated before he died

Dating post-death Kyle was definitely not the same as dating pre-death Kyle

You had to be extremely patient and understanding with him

You wouldn’t really go out on dates much in the beginning because it was hard for him to act appropriately

As time went on and he got better with going out, you’d go places like the aquarium or the zoo and he’d absolutely love it

Most of your date nights would take place at home

You’d build blanket forts and watch movies, just like you did when he was alive

You’d teach him how to bake

99% of the time the kitchen would be a wreck and you’d both definitely need a shower or bath because of how much of the ingredients got all over the both of you

You’d play games that were easy like Trouble and Candyland

You’d watch all the Disney movies and TV shows together

He’d give the best cuddles 

Baby boy loves his cuddles

Wow does this boy love you

He’d literally kill for you in a heartbeat

Totally die for you too

But you would never let that happen because you love him so much

Coᥣιᥒ Zᥲbᥱᥣ

Colin is the sweetest boy ever

Like Kyle, he falls hard and fast

Probably even faster than Kyle

He’s literally a little puppy when you’re dating

Always ecstatic to see you and just wants some love (hugs + kisses)

Since he works so much, he tries to make as much time for you on the weekends as he possibly can

You’d go out to dinner at fancy restaurants

And do more low-key things like cook some dinner and watch a movie

Some nights he’d text you pretty late after he’s been working on a case for hours on end

You’d go over to his house to distract him and make his day less stressful

Because you always made him feel so happy and were a great distraction from his work 

Late nights on the couch, drinking beer and talking until the early hours of the night

Sometimes you’d both fall asleep on the couch with his head on your chest

Depending on what time he went to work in the morning, you’d get up early so you could have some breakfast with him

Don’t expect pancakes and eggs

It’s all about the bagels

But you can expect to have peanut butter, cream cheese, and jelly, Nutella, any kind of spread you can think of

He cares about you so much and would do just about anything for you

He’d go out of his way to make you happy with no complaints

Probably would tell you he loved you within 2 months on a whim without thinking it through

But you loved him too so it didn’t scare you away

Jᥱff Pfιstᥱr

Dating Jeff could go one of two ways I think

The two things that remain the same are:

Doing lots of cocaine 

And giving lots of head

One way dating him could go is:

He’d probably not consider you his partner for like 6 months, if ever

He isn’t the most caring person, so don’t expect many praises from him

He might have Mutt send you some gifts here and there but he’d never do it himself

Maybe if he likes you enough he’ll send you flowers or something with a note that says ‘thanks for the bjs’ 

Don’t expect a sappy note from him

If you ever told him you love him, he’d probably laugh and do a line of coke and ask for a bj

After like a year of you two being together, he’d probably say “I guess I love you” or some shit

He’d probably secretly care more than he lets on

Definitely not a top-tier boyfriend but if you want some coke, he’d definitely hook you up for a bj in return

Another way it could go:

You give him the best bj of his life and he’s head over heels for you like a legit puppy 

He’d be begging you to come to the office for a line and also a bj as much as possible

Maybe if you’re lucky he’ll give you head (I said maybe)

He’d probably send you flowers that he picked out himself

Not just one bouquet

Like 20 to fill up a room in your house or your whole office

He’d get you a job where he works so that you can be together as much as possible

He doesn’t just like you for your head game

Probably says ‘I love you’ after like 2 months but by accident while you’re giving him head

Dating Jeff isn’t terrible, he does have a soft side that he only shows for you

Pᥱtᥱr Mᥲxιmoff

If you’re dating Peter, you’re in for a wild ride

He probably does the dumbest shit

And you’d probably either join in or record it

He’s pretty funny, so you’d be laughing constantly when you’re with him

Sometimes he can get lost in his video games

So you’d have to pry him away, which isn’t that hard because he’s a puppy for you

He’d fall hard and fast

Of course, it’d fast

Literal simp

You cannot tell me this boy wouldn’t be a simp the second he saw you

If you’re at the X-Mansion with him and were both teachers, you’d constantly be getting into trouble with Logan and Professor X

Logan would be so done with your shit 

At one point he’d just groan and roll his eyes and say “Not this shit again” and light a cigar, pretending like he didn’t see a thing

Playing pranks on everyone from the teachers to the kids

The kids obviously love Peter so much and he loves them

So by default, they’d love you too

Peter would take you for runs everywhere

That meant you could go everywhere and anywhere in seconds 

Just not over the ocean, he’s not that fast… he’s tried

He’d take you to your favorite state

If you loved Philly cheese steaks, he’d run to Philly and get them for you

If you loved Chicago deep dish pizza, he’d run there and bring it to you

Definitely steal it all because boy is a kelpto

He’d literally do anything you’d ask in a flat-out second

Probably even do that before you were dating because boy was simpin hard

During the holidays, you’d go out and do all the festivities

Including apple picking, dressing up for Halloween, getting pumpkins, going over to each other's houses for Thanksgiving, ice skating around the winter time, spending Christmas morning together, being together for Hanukkah, whichever holiday you celebrate

Overall, dating Peter would be so wholesome but buckle up cuz you’re in for a while ride

[hamyilton]

Thinking about that Verstappen post I reblogged earlier, it’s interesting to me that on a site that’s very liberal and left-leaning, where racist or other bigoted beliefs are typically shut down right away, that so many people here are fans of MV. I’ve done some thinking on it and I believe his fans fall into these types of groups:

1.Max fans who were fans well before 2020 and formed strong emotional attachments (as he had never said anything outright offensive before this time, and ignoring the incident with Ocon). I believe that having to admit you liked Max before he did and said these shitty things and thus having to craft a whole new blog is simply too much of a task for people, and these are likely people that are big proponents of the fandom characterizations of Max that ignore his real personality and actions. So, these people are aware of his shitty actions but ignore it for the purposes of fandom.

2. People who were fans of his before 2020 and know about his actions but just don’t care, I guess to them racism and ableism are excusable if you really like someone/think they’re hot.

3. Fans that do not know the shitty things that Max has done and are truly ignorant. These are most likely people who started watching F1 after 2022 as I feel like it would be hard to watch the 2021 season without being aware of the controversies lol. They think people only dislike Max because of his domination and are also riding on the back of the popularity of lestappen which was (at least how it seems on Tiktok) a lot of peoples introduction to F1 fandom.

This has been sitting with me for a while, trying to reconcile how people could support someone who’s said racist things (including that he did not believe in BLM when Lewis approached him about support, disrespected Lewis’ father, refused to name him in interviews, drove recklessly like Monza 2021, and the use of slurs etc.) with the larger liberal and social justice oriented Tumblr community. Like, I do genuinely feel bad for people that liked Max in the time before he actively said and did more shitty things, but like, if you can really support someone who behaves so awfully and can be a real danger on track, I don’t believe you can call yourself a true advocate for equality and fairness. And I haven’t even mentioned Abu Dhabi 2021 yet but the fact that it’s remembered now as “drama” instead of one of the most egregious examples of a championship being manipulated against the sport’s only Black driver…like it makes me fucking sick to my stomach. So many people quit watching F1 because of that and I really don’t blame them because it showed the complete lack of integrity of the sport itself.

Anyway, this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while now considering I’ve had to block what feels like a hundred MV fans because it’s so upsetting to see. And to see people write Lewis/Max fanfiction it feels like I’m living in an alternate reality because how can people not know??

Anyway rant over.

[devildomditzy]

Hi 👋 … Long time no see

I apologize for having a public breakdown and then leaving for a few months. You see it’s so much easier to have breakdowns on an app where no one knows you personally 💀

I appreciate everyone’s concerns and messages! I’ve been reading them all for awhile now, just procrastinating about posting.

Tbh I kinda fell off Obey Me. This game is clearly not a labor of love to Solmare anymore, so it’s kinda lost all its charm. The main reason I got into Obey Me is because (as sad as this sounds) I was in an unfulfilling relationship that left me with a desire for affection. Now that I’m in an actual loving relationship, I kinda focused on the real world version of that instead.

BUT, I miss Mammon lol. Imma try my best to get back into and find some writing inspiration. I’ll also start responding and going through my inbox messages.

The funny thing is my boyfriend vaguely knows about this blog and he wants to see it and read my writing so bad 💀 but I won’t let him I’d rather die I think lmao.

Thanks to everyone who’s been still reading my stuff while I’ve been inactive. The fact that one of my stupid ass blog posts could be someone’s favorite fanfic or something to comfort them is mind boggling, but very kind. I know the exact feeling from reading other’s works too. It’s warm, it’s fuzzy, it makes you want to kick your feet, and it makes you feel whole for a little while.

I might go through and clean up the blog a little bit, maybe fix some of my writings (I’ll post the new one where it is more accessible, but still link the old one on the actual rewrite itself? If that sounds cool?) and update my theme.

Thanks for caring, thanks for sticking around.

I still want Mammon carnally.

Xoxo gossip girl

[copperbadge]

Have we found a tumblr replacement yet? Apparently the latest “live” shenanigans were the thing that it took to break me. I’m not trying to stir shit, I’m just mostly here for you and a couple other blogs, so I’m going wherever you go.

I wish, but unfortunately not so far. I mean, I've talked a little about how I'd like to find one but there aren't really any viable ones right now, and there may not be a fandom mass-migration for years still. I'm more likely to follow the crowd than blaze a trail in this case, so it may be some time. For now my only real tactic is to simply not engage with staff or support at Tumblr in any way, and accept the changes as gradual steps towards the site's demise with as much serenity as I can muster.

I've already accidentally opened Tumblr Live twice while trying to navigate the app, which I'm sure is intentional, given I've now suddenly opened Tumblr Live twice since its inception instead of Zero. Relatedly, I would love to see them redirect that passion into making the "Mute Notifications" button actually work, but mine is not to reason why.

Anyway. There are options available, like obviously there are other social media platforms, but none have quite the combination of "easy to use" and "has a lot of people on it" and "Offers the same functionality" (photo and video hosting, an app, etc) even with an "ease of use" and "functionality" that are as crap as Tumblr's.

For example, Dreamwidth is great, but it's a Livejournal code fork so it's a very different format from Tumblr, more labor-intensive to make and share posts (no reblog function, image embedding can get a bit complicated, etc). CoHost is new and very promising but a bit of a ghost town right now -- I'm there and I've had a bunch of people find me there but still exponentially less than are on Tumblr. Pillowfort I still need to re-investigate; I'm there as well but it's been a while since I looked in, and I was struggling with the functionality previously. I had a look at Mastodon, but as positive as decentralized servers could be for the future of social media, I actively dislike the idea, and it also seems difficult to set up and complex to maintain. Discord is....there, and a lot of fandom stuff has shifted there, but its structure is very different and it's also decentralized, and also I hate it passionately and refuse to use it, so that's a no-go for me, though I suspect it's where fandom might end up.

If you're struggling with accessing tumblr directly, you might consider feeding the blogs you follow to an RSS reader -- I know people who do that and find it pretty functional, because then if they want to comment they can just pop open the specific post and deal with it directly. I don't know how much you know about RSS and I don't have the energy to fully explain it right now, but NetVibes is a pretty decent free RSS reader and it's what I use for certain blogs outside of Tumblr.

In any case, if I do find a place, or if I see the migration beginning, I'll sound the alarm :) In the meantime I'm still reading through my tumblr, stashing away posts to save off when I leave, even if that'll be a while.

[deliriumsdelight7]

Monday Musings

I seem to be slooooowly on the road to recovery. My crops aren’t watered, per se, but they’re getting hit with a bit of morning dew. Not enough to get them thriving, but even this small improvement is miles beyond where I was.

And with that, I am going to tryyyyyy to be more present in fandom space. What I mean by that is more than simply churning out fic at an unsustainable rate, or burning the candle at both ends to run fandom events or discord servers. Burning myself out is… sort of how I’ve defined my role in fandom, which, as I’ve recently learned, is not sustainable long-term.

So what does it mean? It means posts like this, where I ramble. It means actually responding to inbox asks and AO3 comments promptly. It means taking the time to consume other writers’ fic again, instead of guilt-tripping myself into forcing more words out of my brain like an overworked tube of toothpaste. It means taking days off so fandom stops feeling like a chore, as it has for the past few years.

It means all things in moderation. It means setting myself reasonable goals and not giving up the moment I miss that goal. These are not my strong suits.

The thing I love most about fandom is the sense of community. I have a nasty tendency to think that my role in the community is to work myself to the bone churning out fic as quickly as possible, and then getting angry with myself because 20-30k words a week is simply no longer realistic for me. What I truly want is to get back to fandom as I love it. Sharing other people’s fic and art on my blog. Lifting up fellow contributors. Connecting with readers and making friends. Putting ideas and headcanons under a ship tag, instead of refusing to tag my work out of some misguided impostor syndrome bullshit that tells me my stuff doesn’t have a place.

I’m hoping, in being more present, that I can find that sense of community again. Whether for a new ship, a ship that’s slowing down, or one that was never all that big to begin with - I want to feel more connected.

Anyway. Yup. That’s my rant. I think I’ll try for a few of these types of posts a week. Not just ramblings, but also WIP progress reports, and maybe some days where I ask for recommendations for fic/art/whatever to check out.

Toodles!

[flavoracle]

Retconning My Life

Last weekend my ex-spouse and I were able to sit down and have a conversation that was very difficult, but also very productive. Honestly, it’s way more progress towards healing than I ever thought would be possible with my ex.

Since my wife and my ex-spouse are very close friends, my wife was there for the conversation as well, and one of the first questions she asked my ex-spouse was, “How much of your relationship did you know that you were only attracted to women?”

“Oh, the whole time,” was their response.

“Did you know you weren’t attracted to Dave before you started dating?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

Now, the point of this post is NOT to criticize my ex or blame them for the pain I’ve experienced. There are a lot of pressures and reasons that keep different people in the closet, and I’m not here to judge them for it.

After all, I don’t know how it feels to spend fifteen years in a relationship where I felt like I had to stay in the closet.

At the same time, I sincerely hope that they will never know how it feels to spend fifteen years in a relationship with someone who doesn’t actually want you. Or to spend fifteen years in a relationship being lied to by the person you trust the most in the whole world.

For those of you that have followed my blog for a while, you might know that being a loving and supportive husband was a major part of my identity. It was something I thought I was really good at and I took a lot of personal pride in. (Though I tried to not be overly arrogant or obnoxious about it.) And one of the main reasons I was good at it is because the person I was looking to for feedback never told me how they actually felt about me or our relationship.

So now I’m trying to process this new information and from a narrative standpoint it’s like going back and retconning a major characteristic for the majority of my adult life up to this point. Because instead of being a guy who was actually good at making his spouse feel happy, supported, and loved, it turns I was actually a super oblivious guy who just THOUGHT he was good at those things, while actually infuriating his spouse by constantly focusing on the relationship and how to increase the love and affection within it.

If you’re reading this post and thinking, “I have no idea to respond to this,” then that is 100% fair and valid. Because honestly I have no idea what kind of response I’m hoping to get.

I guess during a time where my very reality feels so subjective and disjointed, there’s a kind of comfort sharing here on Tumblr where reality has ALWAYS been subjective and disjointed.

In a world that currently feels unreal, it’s kinda nice to come back to a place that has always felt a bit unreal.

[brisquad-unit-4402]

hello i’ve got some thoughts and updates for this blog.

i’ve been on a bit of burnout for a while, including life outside of writing. naturally the termination has sped up that burnout. i’m exhausted and struggling to be graceful about it, but that’s to be expected. i’m not one to sit on my feelings even though i’ve lacked the energy to write. which really bites because that’s my number-one passion really.

however i’ve taken some time to relax by diverting my attention away from social media and niji streams. i’ve relearned an old hobby and splurged a little too much on a new one, and i kind of can’t believe how much i missed drawing on real paper with a real pen and pencil. and thank god the love and deepspace sponsorship wrapped up before the termination, because that game has me in not just a chokehold but like one of those umbilical cords from astral projection. the silver cord? that

i’ve been watching other vtubers lately as well. i’ve always considered adding holostars en to my list but hesitated because everything else on my blog was niji-related.

consider this confirmation that i will be adding holostars’ tempus hq, vanguard and armis, and first stage productions’ avallum to my list of characters i will write for. i admit i’m not as familiar with armis, but i’ll be paying closer attention in the near future as i branch out from strictly watching niji only.

(might also be adding idol corp’s e-sekai? maybe? i watch them once every few months and i haven’t seen pochi or yuko stream since they debuted 💀 no clue on their gen 2 either)

i’ll be overhauling my masterpost for organization soon. so apologies for the horrors about to come… to be clear i will not delete any of my writing so don’t worry!

i’m unsure how much niji i’ll write in the future. give me some time to think as the situation hopefully cools down. i appreciate your patience.

and who knows maybe i’ll write for non-vtuber fandoms too

i think it’s about time i clean my inbox out soon too. i‘ll answer what asks i can and delete the remaining ones. i’ve had a few requests sitting in my inbox for nearly a year now and i’ve recently realized how stressed i was over them and learned about some boundaries i didn’t know i had beforehand, among other things, so so it’s about time i face them head-on. i apologize if i never got to your request! please don’t take it personally if i don’t answer your request. but above all else thank you for being patient, understanding, and kind enough to send in a request. even though i tend to bite off more than i can chew i always get so happy whenever i see a notif in my inbox and i appreciate your time for a little unit 4402.

even though i’m not watching niji streams atm i’m hesitant to stop writing for them because, like, i keep thinking of this clip of doppio saying he feels like he’s allowed to buy healthy/organic food because of fan support and donations, and among other reasons... it’s very easy to make conclusions on people you only know through a screen and i just can’t bring myself to cut them out so abruptly, even if i’m a fan creator on a site none of them use.

idk when i’ll post next and it feels nice to say that. i usually try to post once every 2 weeks, but considering how i’m trying not to think about niji right now and am instead embracing other parts of my life, i dunno. it’s nice. this blog is a major source of joy for me and it feels like i’m preserving what makes it so special for me instead of turning it into a chore. hopefully with time and rest i’ll have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

that’s pretty much everything on my mind, i think? thank you for bearing with me and my yapping. i hope to return soon and that the next time you see me, my blog will be cleaner, more expansive, and with a fresh mindset. take care of yourselves and don’t get immersed in toxicity. don’t forget to do what you love 💛

[nerdygaymormon]

I just found this blog and I got super excited because lately it’s been feeling like both my online and irl life surroundings have been trying to convince me that my faith and my sexuality (I realized about two years ago that I’m bi and I am also a very active member of the church) are two separate and sometimes even opposing sides to my identity even though I know that they’re just two ingredients in the Me Soup that don’t seem like they mix on paper but you can’t make Me Soup without both of those ingredients (sorry if that doesn’t make any sense). There are a few people that I’m out to and they get it but they don’t get it and even just skimming a few posts on this blog has helped me to feel a little better. I’ve never doubted that I’m loved and accepted by God and my family no matter what (thankfully) but it’s really hard to find other places that makes me feel totally accepted, whether we’re talking about my faith or my sexuality they have a hard time with. I also really appreciate that you seem to have an attitude of ‘what’s right for me won’t be right for other people’ instead of ‘there is a definitive right and wrong way to deal with this’ and I feel like that’s a really rare thing to find online. Thank you for creating this safe place to exist

Thank you for such a kind note!!!

As a queer person, I don't feel incompatible with God, but sometimes I have struggles with the LDS church and hope it will figure out that all are alike unto God.

Queer Mormons get each other in a way that few others do. Check the hashtag #queerstake and you'll find more of us. Also, we're on Discord at #queerward (DM me for more info)

There are some groups out there that may be of interest to you. I'll list a few of them:

Lift+Love has monthly zoom group meetings for people.

Affirmation is an organization for queer LDS people no matter where they are in their faith journey, and may have a local chapter near you where you can meet others (not all the chapters on the map are currently active, but worth a shot).

Last year was the first Gather Conference, and about 1400 people showed up to Provo for it. I'm not sure when it will be held in 2024, but if you're able to make it, I think you'll really get a lot from it. Meanwhile, you can check out videos of the presentations from the 2023 conference.

Beyond the Block podcast was maybe the first podcasts created to go with the Come, Follow Me study program. It is hosted by a gay man and a Black man. They aren't currently making new episodes, but they did weekly episodes for 4 years so there's likely an episode for nearly every week's Come, Follow Me lesson

Questions from the Closet is a podcast by two gay men in Provo. One recently married his husband and they still attend church, the other guy is also an active Latter-day Saint and just announced he's going to start dating.

Over the years I've written about a number of scripture verses from a queer perspective. One day I'll make a post which will contain links to all of them, but until then, you can do a search for the hashtags #queer faith & #queer scriptures.

I hope you find many resources and communities which affirm all that is part of your Me Soup.