#i’m actually nervous lmao like ‘can my birth control handle this??????’

[shigarakislittlepet]

im so happy to find a blog with good nsfw content for literally all my faves lol we share the same braincell it seems! how about fluffy nsfw headcanons for Dabi, Shigi, Aizawa and Shinsou and well, Baku but I don't want to overwhelm you even if you don't have a character limit hhh, with a s/o that was completely inexperienced in sex before they got together? They grew more comfortable with the idea of sex over time as they used to be really shy about it but they're scared they'll mess up and disappoint their loves? If possible could you mention what kind of approach each boy would have for the first time with their virgin s/o? I'm just feeling some fluffy dick tonite ya know lol stay safe out there <3

Ohhhh my gosh, this whole thing gave me brain rot lmao, thank you for giving me this power <3<3<3

This also took me literal months to finish because life got crazy, so I’m sorry about that. Hope you enjoy it anyway!

TW: loss of virginity, gentelness, fluffy smut, unprotected sex bc I’m a whore (Y/N is on birth control), and as always all characters are adults especially Y/N

-Dabi-

> You are surprised by how patient he is with you. You were sure he’d have gotten tired of waiting, but he didn’t push. He didn’t make you feel badly about it, and the last thing he would ever want to do to sweet little innocent angel is coerce them into something they weren’t ready for. So, he waits.

> It happened so gradually. Over time, light kissing became making out. After a few months, you got more comfortable and it didn’t feel at all odd to fall into bed with him, cuddling and “swapping spit” as he called it, which always made you giggle like a schoolgirl at his crudeness. His hands would test the waters, but he was always feeling for nervous tremors and flinching, never wanting to go further than you were comfortable. At first, he only rested a hand on you lower back, drawing lazy circles into your waist, his other cradling your face gently, reassuringly. Eventually he could get his hand beneath your shirt, still just at your lower back, but he was content with his progress. Your skin was soft and you said he felt warm, and that was the first time he ever thought of his quirk as “sweet, comforting”, as you described the warmth from his hands.

> After a few months went by, he had progressed to the point of being able to freely roam your body with his hands, the warmth helping you stay calm and anchored to him.

> What continued to surprise you is how easy it felt, once you were ready. You didn’t even see it coming. He asked you, so gently, if he could take your shirt off. You told him he could as long as he promised to keep you warm. He went along slowly, constantly reassuring you, “God Angel, you’re so beautiful. I gotta see more of you, can I? Please?”, “You’re so soft, I need to feel more of your skin, angel, please?” You didn’t even hesitate, you didn’t need to. You felt safer with him than you ever had in your life.

> You realized, once you were both naked together, just how comfortable you were with him. And suddenly you felt like you needed to give him everything he ever wanted, and you knew he would do the same for you.

> It happens so slowly, or at least, it feels like it does. His hand slowly grazes down between your bodies until he reaches your core. You gasp, no one but you had ever touched you there, and it feels so foreign and wonderful. And warm. Once you begin bucking onto his fingers, an insatiable grin stretches across his face. He retracts his fingers, bringing them to his lips, and you watch as he sucks them clean. He calls you delicious and rolls on top of you, asks you if you’re ready for him. For the first time, you look down between your bodies and see just how huge and hard he is for you. When he sees your concern he kisses your forehead, then your lips. “I won’t hurt you Angel, I promise.” You nod and smile, and he starts easing into you, stopping every so often when he can tell the stretch is too much. He kisses your cheeks, your shoulders, your lips, whatever he can get his mouth on as he pants and mumbles little praises. “I love you”, “You’re doin’ so well”, “You’re takin’ me sooo well”, “God, you’re so beautiful, you know how beautiful you are Angel?”, “Ahh, you’re so fuckin’ tight and wet for me Angel, you want me that badly?”. The praises and teases help you considerably to keep you relaxed, and fuck, you DO want him. So fucking badly, you need him. When he’s finally seated inside you fully, he waits, clearly using every last bit of his restraint and self control to give you time to adjust. When you finally whine and buck your hips up on him, he loses it. “I hope you’re fuckin’ ready, Angel.”

>You find rather quickly that Dabi’s style is a beautiful mix of “fucking” and “making love”. He fucks you, hard and deep, so much so that it makes you see stars, but while he does it he’s caging you in-between his arms, holding you close while he pistons in and out of you. He looks you in the eyes, watching your reactions, quickly finding what angle makes you convulse and let out those beautiful moans and coos that he’s now desperate to hear.

>When he nears his end, he reaches down between you again to rub sweet circles against your clit, because no way is Dabi cumming first. It’s just not his style.

-Shigaraki-

>BRAIN ROT

> Shigaraki is definitely happy that you’re inexperienced, he’d kill anyone who had ever laid a hand on you before him. You belonged to him.

> It also means that you’re a virgin, which really gets him going because hes a pervert. ((He’s also secretly glad that he’s not the only virgin))

> He is touch starvvveeeeddddddd. We all know this. But at first, he’s so hesitant to touch you, for fear of destroying you.

> You are patient with each other, and together you find out what works and what doesn’t. He got some artist gloves so he could hold your fucking hand without hyperventilating about dusting you. He’s still afraid of you disappearing beneath his fingertips.

> You were never, not even for a second, worried that he would hurt you. You knew that he could, that he had the ability, but you knew that he wouldn’t.

> He wasn’t so sure, he was afraid of rolling over in the night and finding a pile of dust where you used to be. He wakes up from nightmares about it and has to wake you up to hold you while he shakes uncontrollably. He just has to know you’re alive.

> You both get more and more comfortable with physical proximity and contact together, because you both wanted it, you were both just so worried about fucking everything up.

> When the time came where both of you decided you were ready to have sex, you admitted to him that you were afraid of not measuring up to his expectations. All these “what if’s” kept popping up in your mind: “what if he doesn’t find my body attractive enough”, “what if I don’t know how to move right”, “what if I cant please him”, etc. etc. etc.

> He just looks at you kind of taken aback and confused. He was worried about you not being able to see him as sexually attractive because of how he looked, he was just as self-conscious as you. “Darling, you’re the most perfect person in existence, how can you not see that? Look at me! I’m... I... Look like this! How could I ever hope that someone as beautiful as you could ever see me that way?”

>You didn’t immediately know how to respond. You were... heartbroken that he saw himself that way. You couldn’t image him being self-conscious about anything because in your eyes, he was a god. He was perfect and angelic and you told him as much. You looked at him with such adorably big eyes and your voice was full of so much honesty and adoration, he had to have you immediately. He’d never felt desired, he had never felt lovable. He always thought it would be a miracle if anyone would ever be able to even stomach looking at him without cringing away in disgust. But you were so perfect and you loved him so immediately and so much that it knocked him out. He launches himself at you and just kisses you for a while.

> You both fumbled around a bit at first, trying to find what felt best. You both quickly came to the conclusion that you were going to have to practice together. A lot. As much as possible actually, because even in your inexperience, you both felt more amazing than you ever had in your lives. When you were connected like this, panting, kissing, licking, trying your damndest to become one being, it felt like bliss. You never wanted it to stop.

-Aizawa-

> MORE FUCKING BRAIN ROT

> Aizawa has an innocence kink. There I fucking said it.

> When it comes to the person he’s with, he’s a shameless flirt, and while he would NEVER cross a line or pressure you, he definitely does his best to get you in the mood whenever he can, much to your naïve frustration.

> At first you genuinely don’t even realize he’s doing it on purpose. The heated looks he gave you that made your knees weak? You didn’t think he was doing that on purpose, it’s just because he’s... tired? And he always looks so gorgeous, so that’s why. He ALWAYS makes your knees weak. Yeah that’s all it is, obviously.

> And when he comes up behind you, hands on your hips gently, and lowly rumbling in your ear. Sometimes it’s just comments about whatever you’re doing, which was bad enough. But sometimes it was mumbled compliments. About your outfit, how good it made your ass look. About how soft your hair was, how good you smelled, the softness of your skin while he gently rubbed his stubble against your neck.

>YOU COULDN’T FUCKING HANDLE IT.

> He was so soft most of the time, cuddling you while watching movies, cooking together, dancing in the kitchen with you at 3 in the morning after he finished grading papers. The shift that happened when he would get flirtatious was dizzying.

> You were nervous though, Aizawa was a bit older than you, and obviously way more experienced that you. One night while you were curled up in bed together, you told him you were nervous about disappointing him when the time finally came. He sat up and turned a light on immediately and pulled you into his lap. He held you and stroked your hair and told you how much you meant to him, how you could never disappoint him, how much he wanted you, and how he was willing to wait however long you needed. He held you until he was sure you felt better about it, and then he held you until he was sure you were asleep. You were the most important person in the world to him, and he wasn’t gonna let you think anything was ever gonna change that.

> When you finally got tired of his teasing and felt like you were ready, you decided to get him back. Before he got home, you put on one of his long shirts as a dress and started getting dinner ready.

> When he walked through the door and saw that you were wearing nothing but one of his black button ups, he had to maintain every ounce of his self control to contain the rush of feral need that suddenly consumed him. Now it was HIS turn to assume you were being innocent. And man did you play it up. “What’s wrong Shota? Are you feeling okay?” And you bat your big beautiful eyes at him. He was going to have a stroke.

> It wasn’t until you bent over and he noticed you weren’t wearing anything under his shirt that he realized it was an invitation. He came up behind you, caging you in against the counter, and growled lowly in your ear, “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” He gently pushed his growing erection against your ass, making you gasp. Score.

> “W-what do you mean?” you looked up at him as innocently as you could. He took your hand and pressed it to the front of his pants. He groaned low in his chest, thankful for any friction. “Don’t play dumb with me, kitten. You know exactly what you’re doing. I think you should take responsibility.” You grinned.

> “Yes Sir,” he jolts at that, and you sink your knees and get to work undoing the fastenings on his hero costume. When his cock springs free, you eagerly give it kitten licks until he’s had enough. He grips you by your hair and gently guides your mouth down onto his cock. He’s big, bigger than you can take, but that doesn’t stop Aizawa from purposefully making you gag on him every so often. He really does get off on how innocent you are, the tears that hang in your eyes from gagging on his cock. He’s gonna cum soon if he’s not careful.

> After he’s had his fun making you suck him off, he pulls you up and carries you off to bed. No way he’s taking your virginity on the floor, he’s too much of a gentleman. And dinner, what dinner? Thank god nothing happened to be on the stove or in the oven.

> He sets you down in bed and kisses you, takes his shirt off of you and finishes ridding himself of his hero costume. He takes pride in getting you ready for him, relishing in your sweet noises and how wet you are for him. A fact that he teases you about. “S-Shotaaa~” you moan and clench down on his fingers. He smirks, “What happened to ‘Sir’, hmm? I liked that, you know...” All you can do is whine up at him in response.

> When you feel like you’re close to cumming, you whine louder and clench down harder and before you can reach your peak, he stops. You whine in frustration before he leans down and rumbles, “Oh no, kitten, the only way you’re cumming is if you cum on my cock.” You gasp and nearly convulse at his filthy words, but you’ve never felt like you needed him more.

> He fucks you gently, at first anyway. For as long as he can. He rolls his hips into you and angles his thrusts expertly, aiming for that spot inside you that’ll make your head spin. And he hits it. Every time. And your head DOES spin. And soon you can feel the pressure build again and you start whining again, “Sh-Shouta, please! I’m s-oh! So close!” He smiles, and decides to take pity on you. He pistons harder, faster, brings a hand to your core to rub circles against your clit and when you cum, you scream his name and he can’t take it anymore. He slams into you, chasing his own high and simultaneously extends yours. You’re seeing stars by the time he cums deep into you. He rolls over, bringing you with him. You lie on top of him and he strokes your hair, and you just hold each other for a while.

-Shinso-

> I wanna say this now, Shinso is Aizawa Jr. I’m so sorry, but its true. They’re both tired, overworked, cat lovers that just wanna come home and cuddle and pass out.

> He knows he’s your first boyfriend. You met at UA and pretty much bonded immediately. Now that you’re both pro-heros working for the same agency? It was only a matter of time before he made a move. And thank whatever higher power exists that you have the same schedule. More time for cuddles.

> HOWEVER! Don’t let the fact that he’s a cuddle-bug fool you. He frequently has to remember that you’re a virgin and you’ve never been in a relationship before, so you have no idea how much he’s affected by you answering your door on a Saturday morning you both had off wearing one of his hoodies that absolutely swallows you. Looking up at him smiling and yawning sleepily, rubbing one of your eyes and groggily asking, “What are you doing here so early? I thought we weren’t going out till tonight?”. He has to breathe deeply to stop himself from jumping you.

> Because much like Aizawa, seeing you so sleepy and soft and small and knowing how innocent and naive you are to all of the things you do that make him need you... is going to make him lose his mind. Quickly.

> Instead of an innocence kink though, this motherfucker has a corruption and a mind break kink. He wants to make it impossible for you to feel pleasure without him, he wants to make you need him desperately, forever. And he wants to do it without the help of his quirk. But that would all come in time, at the moment he has to stop himself from cumming in his pants because you’re bending over on your way to your room so you can change, stooping to pet your cat and his hoodie rode up your ass and he can see your lacy black panties and you were GOING to drive him insane long before he ever got the chance to make you his, he was sure.

> He had brought you coffee and suggested you just stay in all day since you both had such a late night. Watching movies and stuff. You know, normal stuff. He told himself he wasn’t going to try and make a move. Right? Right.

> But when you emerged from your room 45 minutes later, showered and changed, your hair still damp and a droplet of water drifting down your neck and landing in the dip of your collar bones, all he could think of was licking it up. How good your hair must smell, how your skin was still probably warm form the water... He was staring, and you pretended not to notice.

> You were nervous about not measuring up to his expectations. You’d seen the women he usually went out with, and how comfortable they were with their bodies and their sexuality. How beautiful they were. As far as you were concerned, you were nothing like them.

> He could see the gears turning in your head and the downturn of your mouth, and he asked you what was wrong. He motioned for you to come sit with him, and it wasn’t five seconds before he pulled you into his lap. After some coaxing, you let him know what you were worried about. He assured you that the reason he was so happy with you is because you weren’t anything like the women he had dated before. Because, not only were you far more beautiful than they were, they had also been conceited and cold, only dating him because he was an up and coming pro-hero that could get them into events so they could dump him for the first bigger hero they’d meet. He liked that you were soft and warm and he could trust you, that you had always trusted him, even despite his quirk.

> You talked for awhile, and as the morning sun drifted higher into the sky, you decided it was time to door dash some food. While he ordered it, you excused yourself the restroom. You needed to think. The heaviness of the conversation still weighed on you, and you’d never felt closer to him than you did now. It was time, you were sure. You wanted to give him everything he’d been waiting so patiently for, he deserved it. And so did you damnit, no more of this scaredy-cat bullshit! You gave yourself your best war face in the mirror before you exited the bathroom and going back to the living room where Shinsou was reclined on your couch. Head tilted back, resting on the pillow behind him.

> He was so beautiful. Lavender hair a wild mess, eyes closed and lashes fluttering softly. You wanted to kiss his neck suddenly, and unlike when urges like this usually happened, you didn’t shove the thought away. You quickly straddled him and, before he had the chance to question you, you began kissing up and down his neck softly. “K-kitty...” he groaned beneath you, gripping your waist, his hips jerking up against yours.

> After a while of your explorative kissing, he growled impatiently and flipped you over easily, pressing you into the couch. He kissed you like he might die if he didn’t, deep and slow and desperate. When he finally broke for air and looked at you, he felt his heart and his dick jump. Your flushed face and your eyes that were looking up at him through your eyelashes heavily, your mouth hanging open gasping and your kiss bitten lips, your brows softly cinched at the effort it took for you to remember you needed to breathe.

> He asks you if you’re sure you were ready, and when you nod dazedly up at him he doesn’t need any more convincing.

> He takes his time, he’s slow and methodical. He wants your first time to be an enjoyable experience. Something you can look back on fondly and remember how much he loved you, how good it felt, how comfortable you were. He wanted it to be better than his first time, drunk after a hero convention, with some woman who didn’t remember his name in the morning and never called him back. He pushed the thought away. He focused on you, on how perfect you were.

> When he finally thrusts into you, you think you want to feel like this forever. You tell him so, and beams with pride, pushing your pleasure further. Kissing your neck and praising you. Telling you how perfect you are, telling you all the things you do that drive him crazy, telling you that he’s never going to let you go, that you’re his forever and he’s yours.

> You cum together, and you think that everything in the world must have always been this beautiful. You spend the rest of the day cuddling, eating, and making love.

-Bakugo-

> No thoughts in this mans head. None. At least when it comes to romance. When you first start dating, you had to make the first move cause his oblivious ass just thought you were challenging him. You had to explain to him that what you were actually doing was called “flirting”.

> So when it comes to your first time, you know you’re gonna have to make the first move there too. He fears rejection, so he avoids the things he really wants the most. Which in this case is you whining on his dick.

> But he also knows you’re a virgin and he doesn’t wanna scare you, so he leaves it be. Trusting his fist to get the job done when he really needs to let off some steam. Either by punching shit or jerking off.

> One day, you do catch him jerking off, and you immediately start to (stupidly) think that you’re not enough for him, that he might leave you for someone who can give him what he needs. You don’t think he notices you having a mini panic attack in the hallway so you sneak back to the kitchen to catch your breath and think. Why HAD you waited this long? What were you waiting FOR? You guessed you had just been worried about not knowing what to do, about him getting impatient and annoyed with you for your lack of experience.

> Making your final decision, you square your shoulders and march yourself back to your shared room. You confidently open the door to find him ... waiting for you?

> “Tch, took you long enough. You done freakin’ out now?” He grumbles from his spot on the bed. You nod meekly and he opens his arms for you, an invitation you gratefully accept. He pets your head and continues grumbling, “ just as bad as shitty-hair, nobody ever knocks anymore. You shouldn’t be surprised when you just try to walk in like that...”

> He keeps petting your head until eventually you hit him with it. “‘Tsuki, I wanna... uhm...” you look up at him with pleading eyes hoping his quirk somehow suddenly allows him to read your mind.

> It doesn’t. “ You wanna what? C’mon, spit it out.” No thoughts, remember?

> You huff and blush and finally squeak out, “Wanna make you feel good, ‘Tsuki...”

> His brain stops working momentarily. When he catches back up, he smirks. “Seriously? It just took you gettin’ jealous over my left hand for you to be ready?”, he teased. You stick out your tongue and he grabs your jaw, looks you dead in the eyes when he says, “I have something much more important for that cute little mouth to do.”

> Your eyes go wide at his suggestion, even though it really doesn’t surprise you. When Katsuki wants something he wants to go all out, no half-assing it. You nod nervously and he laughs at your apprehension, allowing you to shift down his body until you were face to face with his fly. You undid the button and zipper with shaky hands, and gently guide his dick out of his jeans.

> Beautiful is the first word to come to your mind. Beautiful and massive, just like the rest of him. He was easily over six feet tall, and built too so it really shouldn’t have surprised you, but it did. For a moment all you can do is look up at him from your place below him, your big strong hero. You melt a little and you notice him smirking down at you again, “What ‘ya lookin’ at, princess?”. He gently strokes your cheek while you admire him, “You.” you reply dazedly. His smirk widens to a bear malicious grin, “Me? How come?”. A feeling you’re not totally familiar with, but you’re pretty sure is called submission, fills you suddenly and you feel warm and content. “You’re perfect,” you bat your eyelashes and bite your lip as you gently start to stroke your hand up and down his length.

>He controls his breathing, because he really can’t handle you looking so cute with his cock that close to your pretty little face. “‘Tch, and? What’s got you so worked up about it?” You giggle and nuzzle your face into the base of his cock and look up at him innocently. “I’m just glad I’m yours,” you smile and lick him from base to tip before gently taking him into your mouth. You’d read enough smut online to at least have some idea how to do this.

> He almost cums when you say that you’re glad to be his. His, he grins. He doesn’t get to think about that for too long though because your warm, wet tongue is sliding up his shaft and then your pretty little mouth engulfs him and he thinks he might hyperventilate if you keep looking up at him like that. He’d almost say it wasn’t fair, but then you start moving and he thinks that he could actually die happily from the warm bliss that fills him while he watches you try to take more and more of him down your throat.

> This is much more fun than you thought it would be, especially because Katsuki keeps letting out those little sighs and groans, you’re pretty sure he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. You hollow out your cheeks and suck a bit harder before taking a deep breath and relaxing your throat as much as possible. You lower yourself down as far as you can, pushing past the ring of muscle in the back of your throat before moving down further. You feel him lay his hand gently, encouragingly, on the back of your head. You’re surprised when you find your nose nestled in the light blonde fuzz at the base of him and you stick your tongue out to lap at the underside.

> He jolts when you begin your descent. You’re not really gonna try to deep-throat him, are you? He watches you, mesmerized. No ones ever even tried, always saying he was way too big. It felt way too good. He laid a hand on the back of your head to ground himself, quickly realizing he had to control himself so that he didn’t clench his fist in your hair or shove you down all the way and hold you there. When you reached your goal, he sighed. Your throat felt perfect wrapped around him, just like he knew it would. When he felt your tongue sneak out of your mouth and lick, he thanked whatever creator there was that your tongue was long enough to reach his anchor. when you start to move your head up and down, he can only take it for so long before he’s thrusting up into your mouth. When you gag on him, that’s it, he has to pull you off him before he grips your head and suffocates you on his cock.

> He’s nearly at the point of begging, but thankfully, mercifully, you seem to get the idea. You wipe your mouth and lie back on the bed, giggling at his abruptness and he growls in response. He kisses you, and praises you, telling you how good you are, how much he needs to be inside you as he undresses you. You’re surprised at how automatically your legs open for him, and you tell him how much you need him inside of you as well. You feel so empty all of a sudden. Until one of his thick fingers finds your molten core and gathers some of your slick before sinking into you and you gasp.

> He continues to kiss and praise you as he works you with his fingers. You whine and moan and beg, it’s like music to his ears. When he thinks you’re ready, he lines himself up with your entrance, sliding up and down, grinding against your clit briefly before continuing. “I wanna hear you beg for it, princess.” and fuck, did you beg. A beautiful litany of filthy fucking words fell from your mouth, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He sinks into you fully in one thrust, gripping your open legs for stability.

> At first you can’t speak, you can’t make any noise at all. You feel so unbelievably full, and you look up at him and his eyes are clenched shut and his jaw is set. He’s holding himself back. He’s trying to be gentle with you because it’s your first time. He really is very sweet when he wants to be. You raise a shaky hand to his face and he leans into it. He met your eyes and you watch as his control falters when he sees you bent in half like this. You smile, “Katsuki, please”, is all you can say. It seems to open the flood gates. For all his self control, he pounds into you mercilessly and it fills you with the most intense feeling of ecstasy. “F-fuck ‘Tsuki, you feel s-so fucking good,” you moan and gasp brokenly.

> He cums hard. Grunting, growling, and near snarling the whole way through. You’re seeing stars, even though you haven’t cum. It had felt so fucking amazing, and you’re more than content with that. Katsuki is definitely not however, and is intent on eating you out until you beg for mercy. He always takes such good care of you.

[scribbleb-red]

Camisado (Your Emo Andreil AU)

[This started as a Morning AU on Twitter, warning: we're going very 00s] 

Andrew and Neil meet in a chat room age 13. 

Andrew's handle is @/phantom!attheopera 

Neil's is @/isayshotgun 

Andrew initially hangs around because he finds it hilarious how Neil roasts people he likes and trolls people he doesn't.

They also both have things in common - starting with but limited to their love of PATD and pretty much all emo music they can get their barely-teenage hands on. Andrew likes it a little heavier than Neil - but they both rave about Brendan Urie, Gerard Way and the Maddens.

They strike up a penpal style relationship - moving first from the chatroom to private messages, then the msn and email. 

They confide in each other. Neil moves around a lot because 'my dad's a bad man, he's after me and my mom'. 

Andrew tells him about Cass and Drake.

isayshotgun: he shdnt do dat 2 u 

phantom!attheopera: i know 

isayshotgun: id get u out 

phantom!attheopera: how 

isayshotgun: im gd w/ knives 

phantom!attheopera: maybe you can teach me. 

phantom!attheopera: and I'll teach you to spell, honestly. 

isayshotgun: *eyeroll*

Neil doesn't come to get Andrew because Aaron happens first. 

And then Andrew's in juvie and playing exy and the only way he can stay in touch with Neil is email. He shouldn't even be allowed email, but he's willing to get on his knees to have computer access, access to Neil.

Something about email makes their friendship even deeper. 

Actually, Andrew's fairly certain that he's half way in love and that if they were different people they'd have already talked about this. Still, it's because of email that he notices something is wrong with Neil.

His emails, which were long and rambling, have suddenly become short - no less full of feeling and affection, but syntactically different. 

He tries to ask about it. 

From: phantom!attheopera 

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: what's wrong with you?

Neil is cagey at first but Andrew gets it out of him in the end. 

From: isayshotgun 

To: phantom!attheopera 

Re:Re:Re:Re:Subject: what's wrong with you? 

 Being shot really sucks. That's all. N

All Andrew wants to do then is cross the country, gather Neil close and keep him safe. They're fifteen now and he'll be leaving juvie next month. 

"Can you keep safe until then?" Andrew types. 

"U cant save me. We talked about this." Neil's reply is not what he wants to read.

Andrew's released to Tilda. He finds out his brother is hooked on painkillers and his birth mother is an abuser. 

phantom!attheopera: she hits him. I need to stop her.  

isayshotgun: ... ... 

phantom!attheopera: what? 

isayshotgun: is that weird? for moms 2 hit u?

phantom!attheopera: your mom hits you too? 

isayshotgun: 2 teach me not 2 be stupid. 

isayshotgun: keepin me alive 

phantom!attheopera: that's not how it works, no one hits you for your own good. that's... 

phantom!attheopera: my therapist calls it emotional abuse and controlling behaviours.

Neil ends up sharing a lot more than he was probably initially intending - about the one time a girl kissed him and he couldn't walk properly for a week; about the way his mom pinched him and made him recite their rules back; about how he wasn't allowed to be sick, ever.

phantom!attheopera: one of these days I'll find you and we'll run away together. We'll go anywhere you want. Settle somewhere safe. 

isayshotgun: do u think ud like me irl? 

phantom!attheopera: well I can't see your spelling if you're talking 

isayshotgun: rofl lmao

Andrew tells Neil about Aaron. 

phantom!attheopera: he's a total prick 

isayshotgun: hv u tried talkin 2 him about smthing easy? like exy? 

phantom!attheopera: just because you like stickball 

isayshotgun: no i mean maybe u need a bridge 2 talk. common grnd.

phantom!attheopera: ...maybe

Neil is the one who gives him the idea about crashing the car with Tilda in it too. He sends Andrew all the instructions on a floppy disk that he posts to Andrew's therapist. On the front of the disk, Neil has scrawled their usernames. Andrew smiles.

Their relationship is a strange one - they are always there on the other end of the computer to each other, but they've never swapped photos and never heard each other's voices. 

When Andrew gets a phone, he asks Neil if he has one and Neil says no, only his mom has a burner.

Still Andrew gives Neil his number and on his birthday, November 4th, he gets a call from a Seattle phonebox. 

"Hey," Neil says. Andrew can hear him shivering, the chatter in his teeth. 

"Happy Birthday, Drew." 

They talk and talk. It's the best birthday Andrew's ever had.

Right up until the gunfire.

Neil vanishes. 

There's no emails. No MSN messages. No highly irritating nudges. He's not in any of their usual chatrooms. 

Andrew doesn't get another phone call.

Weeks go by. First one then another then another.

Andrew leaves messages. He sends emails. He really really hopes Neil isn't dead.

Aaron and Andrew go to live with Nicky. 

They're approached by The Ravens. Andrew turns down the infamous Riko Moriyama and his absurdly pretty Number 2, Kevin Day. 

David Wymack shows up. The deal extends to Aaron and Nicky if he wants it. Andrew says yes.

Sometimes Andrew thinks about Neil and tries to make an effort with Aaron, but Aaron is angry and a recovering addict and nothing Andrew says or does is ever enough. He still tries. 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

 Subject: 9 ways I'm trying to befriend my twin

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re: Subject: make that 11 ways 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re:Re:Re: Subject: none of these are working 

From: phantom!attheopera 

To: isayshotgun 

 Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Subject: you'd hate him too

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun  

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Subject: ok fine, I don't hate him 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: Happy New Year 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re: Subject: And Happy Birthday I guess

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: I miss you 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re: Subject: I still miss you 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: Panic! are play in Columbia next month !!!

From: isayshotgun 

To: phantom!attheopera

Re: Subject: Panic! are play in Columbia next month !!! 

 got u a ticket c u there @ 7pm

Andrew blinks. He stares at his inbox. The 1 new message. Neil's username. Neil is alive. Neil is coming to Columbia. Neil is coming to a Panic! At The Disco gig. He bashes out a hasty message. 

phantom!attheopera: Are you serious? 

isayshotgun: yeh

The month vanishes under Andrew's feet. He's nervous. He's excited. Nicky is exuberant. 

"My cousin has a date!" 

"Not a date, Nicky." 

Nicky just slides a knowing look his way and when Andrew takes the car keys, tells him to drive safe and stay out of fights. Andrew scoffs.

They haven't been talking much, Neil and Andrew. 

But Neil promised that Andrew wouldn't be able to miss him. 

Neil was telling the truth. He's standing there, a too-skinny teenager with badly cut hair flopping into his eyes, with a giant sign saying "phantom!attheopera".

Approaching, Andrew sees that Neil is gaunt, there's shadows under his eyes, which are blue as the sky on a clear, cold day. 

"You ready to scream your crooked heart out?" Andrew asks. 

Neil looks up with a slow smile. It wobbles as if his face is out of practice. 

"Hey." 

 "Hi."

They will - in fact - scream their crooked hearts out that night. They will hold each other upright and throw themselves through the mosh pit, feeling the press of elation and anger and frustration and hope. Neil will trip a stranger who gets too close for Andrew's comfort. Andrew will deliberately spill a drink over a girl who won't stop eyeballing Neil with hearts in her eyes. 

"My hero," Neil laughs. His laugh is rusty too. 

Andrew wants to hear it again and again. He wants to hear it every fucking day for the rest of his stupid emo life.

When the music fades and the crowds disperse, Andrew and Neil are left in the carpark, sitting on the bonnet of Andrew's car. 

He asks Neil where he's going tonight. 

Neil shrugs. 

He asks Neil if his mom is nearby but he already knows the answer. Mary Hatford is dead.

They don't leave for hours. Neil explains everything that night - who his dad is, what he's running from. Andrew doesn't care. 

When they're both cold, they sit in the car and turn the heating up. Andrew offers his hand to Neil and Neil curls their fingers together.

Neil is tired. Neil is so so so tired. 

"Come home with me." Andrew says. "Stay." 

Neil slumps against the seats, his head tilted so Andrew can see every sharp angle of his face. There's no fight, no bargaining. 

Just a sweet, fluttering feeling neither of them know to call hope.

The end.

[hwanscung]

is that [ JU JI-HOON ] no, that’s just [ HWAN HYUN JOON ]. [ HE/HIM ] is [ THIRTY-FIVE ] years old and is a [ COO OF HWAN CORPORATION ]. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [THREE DAYS ]. on a good day, they’re [ INGENIOUS & URBANE ]. but watch out! they can also be [ DOMINEERING & INSENSITIVE ]. [ POWER IS POWER BY SZA & THE WEEKND ] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill!

hellooo, it’s me li with my second bby. joon is the elder brother of lee and i’m apologizing for him now because watch out, he can be an asshole. not that he doesn’t have his reasons. this is also my first Korean bby i’m actually really nervous about it and i’m sorry if i messed anything up!!

[ triggers: high-risk pregnancy tw & death tw ]

GENERAL INFORMATION.

NAME →hwan hyun joon AGE → thirty-five DATE OF BIRTH → april 13th, 1984 PLACE OF BIRTH → seoul, south korea EDUCATION → business law degree from harvard & seoul school of law ZODIAC → aries GENDER → male LANGUAGES → korean, english, mandarin, & japanese   ORIENTATION → demisexual, demiromantic RELIGIOUS VIEWS →buddhist ( & hints of folk religion passed down )

PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES.

FACE CLAIM → ju ji-hoon HEIGHT → 6'2" WEIGHT → 172 lbs HAIR COLOR → black EYE COLOR → brown BODY TYPE → slender, fit

FAMILIAL INFORMATION.

FATHER →  hwan jung-soo MOTHER → lee mi-kyong YOUNGER BROTHER → lee hyun hwan ( westernized name ) YOUNGER SISTER → hwan ( up to player )

WIFE  → oh seo-yeon ( deceased )

PERSONALITY.

POSITIVE TRAITS → ambitious, ingenious, urbane, & calculated NEGATIVE TRAITS → hidebound, domineering, sarcastic, & insensitive INTERESTS → reading, cooking, boxing, & cars DISLIKES → being lied to by those he trusts, cleaning, & coffee AESTHETICS → pressed designer suits, the sound of rain on the roof, the way the city looks from a plane window that’s just taken off, unanswered texts left on read, & a glass of scotch after a long day. MORAL ALIGNMENT → lawful neutral PERSONALITY TYPE → INTJ-A ( the architect )

BACKSTORY.

joon was born in south korea to a wealthy family who expected nothing less than greatness. the family-owned their own very prosperous natural resource company and they’d been grooming their eldest son to take it over long before he could even understand how any part of the business worked.

just before he turned thirteen, his family made arrangements to expand their company and move to the states. his pregnant mother left for new york not long after where she gave birth to his younger brother lee. the family wasn’t reunited until the following year in their new home in the states. soon after came the final addition to the family, a baby girl.

growing up, joon was expected to provide nothing but the absolute best example for his younger siblings and failure was never an acceptable option. he was without question what others would refer to as the golden child and it caused a rift between joon and his siblings. that as well as the large gap in their ages.

there’s almost nothing joon is better at than being obedient to his parents. especially his father. all his father ever needed to do was call and his son would be there, which only led to his loyalty and obedience being taken advantage of time and time again.

he’d always been quite intelligent and had a thirst for knowledge that couldn’t be quenched with just any ordinary business degree. he wanted to be an asset to his families company in ways others couldn’t or wouldn’t be. he wanted to have an edge over everyone, even his father in the end. after graduation joon attended harvard where he studied business law before continuing his education back in south korea at seoul national university school of law. after law school, he stayed in south korea for many years to handle his family's affairs from there at their headquarters, happier to be in the country he truly considered his home as opposed to the states. it was also the place his wife preferred to live.

while studying in seoul, joon met the love of his life. she was the first one to really get him to open up and even want to change a little. of course, not in any serious way, but around seo-yeon he was open to the possibility and eager to more open-minded like she’d always been. she made everything in his life seem light and easy; she was perfect. too perfect for this world, he came to learn.

two years after their marriage, at twenty-eight, joon was called away to the states on business by his father, but he was more than just hesitant to leave his very pregnant wife. initially, the eldest soon refused--the first and only time he’d ever said no to his father. but it was something that didn’t sit well and less than three hours later he was flying first class to jfk.

seo-yeon went into early labor the day after joon left south korea and wasn’t expected to return until after the weekend, a whole three days away. upon his return to seoul, joon found that his life was in nothing more than shambles. his wife had been taken to the hospital, but it already proved to be too late for their unborn child and then to make matters worse, seo-yeon died on the operating table due to complications from the cesarean section. joon knew the high-risks she was facing due to the pregnancy but made the choice to leave her on her own anyway and it’s something he’s never been able to forgive himself for. if he’d stayed with her, he could have made sure she made it to hospital in time. he could have saved his family still.

joon moved back to the states the following year to rejoin the rest of the hwan family as he found the idea of staying in the house they’d made home without those he loved most to be too unbearable. he threw himself into his work more than he ever had before but the seed of resentment he felt towards his father began to grow slowly over the years without him even truly realizing it. unable to stop himself from thinking about how his father had left him with no other option except to abandon his wife. it was something he simply couldn’t forget. or forgive.

outwardly, things certainly seemed to be business as usual for refined young man, but internally a dangerous storm was brewing. though as time past, joon learned to control his anger and emotions once more, the thing he’d been so good at before he’d met seo-yeon. he began to box as a way to channel his frustrations and has since become very invested in it. 

joon will still do whatever his father or mother asks of him, but there are times where he now questions those things and when the requests do come in they’re far and few in between. the man can’t help but wonder if it’s because his father truly feels guilty or sorry or merely because his father can sense just how far joon as drifted from the rightful place at his side. just before his thirtieth birthday, his father promoted him to the chief operating officer of the company and joon took the opportunity to immerse himself in work even further than he already has, which was rather difficult all things considered. it wasn’t long after this that his mother truly began to worry about the well-being and mental state of her eldest son. she even started to try and find him a new wife. something he’s not been overly eager about dealing with.

the years began to pass quickly, most of them blurring together for joon in a rather unhealthy way which left even his father concerned. his parents decided to try and put some space between the company and their heir who was set to inherit it all by asking him to track down his younger brother and to find out what exactly was going on. and joon knew he could do nothing but agree to help. after all, lee was his family even if they’d never exactly treated each other as such. 

IMPORTANT FACTS.

being the very traditional korean that he is, he doesn't like being called joon by those who are not family members or close friends. he often corrects people of this when in the states and will grow to dislike those who disregard his correction. he prefers mr. hwan or by people he knows and if comfortable with they may call him hyun joon. (( call him just joon multiple times and i make no promises of his reactions lmao ))

he’s always preferred to work alone and finds he can get more done this way. a big part of why he enjoyed working from seoul rather than the states.

he has a shiba inu named baek and he loves that dog more than anything else in his life at the moment. he was the last gift from seo-yeon.

he is very perceptive and has always been good at sensing another's kibun and also how to use it to his own benefit when it comes to business meetings and personal gain. but his abuse of his nunchi is something that has gotten him into LOTS trouble with his father for a long as he can remember as his father always like to remind him it’s quite the opposite of harmonious

living in the states definitely made him more insensitive to others feelings and more importantly their kibun because it wasn’t something that mattered in the same way in the states like it did back home. it’s probably the only real american/western thing about him

he’s quite the cocky and an arrogant person, ( but when you’re raised being told you’re place is above others, it’s pretty dang hard not to think like that ). 

he still travels back to korea often for work, but his trips are usually short-lived and he doesn’t do anything really except work when he’s there. 

for the time being, joon is just staying at a local hotel as he doesn’t expect to have to stay around long. ( ohhh how that will change lol )

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

executive assistant

friends

rivals

colleagues

i’m down for anything, i just can’t think of too many atm! 

[inkykeiji]

Darling Clari I hope you are doing amazingly well 💖

I am sorry that I just disappeared off the face of the earth for a whole ass week - I have just been working a lot since I have the time now so I just work, sleep and eat atm but I’ve got lots of days off coming up soon so looking forward to that <3

First want to ask how you are, what have you been up to? Also wanted to say that I loved the raver! Dabi piece, as always *chefs kiss* writing - I will never get over how much I adore your writing and I will never stop telling you how much I adore it <3

In other news I actually went out on a date night with my boyfriend for the first time probably since we got together since it’s only been 8 months now and omg it was so nice to dress up and actually go out into the world instead of just being a lil hermit at home - restrictions where I live have been lifted for few months now but we’ve only recently had the time to go out again - I know I haven’t been with him long and we’ve been together through a pandemic which is not a typical situation but I am just so in love I don’t even know how to express <3

Anyways I am rambling which I guess is pretty typical now, me just gushing over your writing is normal and me just gushing over my boyfriend is standard now apparently as well - I really hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself, have you got any plans coming up or anything? As always I’m sending you my love and hugs <333-🍯

hi honey bb <33

sorry it took me a few days to get to this!!! things have been really busy over here lately hehehe but HONEY MY SWEET HONEY you have NOTHING to apologize for omg!!!! there’s no reason for you to apologize at ALL!!!

i’m okay hehehe, my moods been kinda all over the place lately which is very annoying but i’ve also been uhhhhh EXTREMELY distracted and kept occupied by my boyfriend hehehehe (he’s been doing v intense work stuffs all week and is very stressed, so he uses me to relieve said stress <333) he fucked me like a maniac last night actually i am so fucking sore today lmao but jesus h christ honey it was so fucking good i could actually go on about it foreverrrrrrr aaaah <33333333333

ah thank you so much bb!!!! i sincerely appreciate it, every single time, and i’m very very glad to hear that you enjoyed the piece!!! <333

aw that’s so FUN!!!! i’m lowkey jealous tbh because we’re still in lockdown over here which is ._. but i understand the importance of it of course!! i cannot WAIT to finally get to go out with my man again :((((( but aw honeybun that is so so so fucking precious and i’m just !!!!!!! so truly honoured that you’ve chosen to share such a beautiful thing with me <33 i wish you nothing but the absolute best <33 i know the feeling!!!! i’m actually gonna take this as an opportunity to gush about my own boyfriend just cause i haven’t really gotten the chance to tell anyone and i’m just bursting with how much i love him LMAO

just like aaaaaaaaah last night was so incredible????? we spent a lot of time just like, making out, and it was so nice??? i feel like making out, just slow messy kisses, is so underrated as a form of foreplay!!!! and then he made me cum four times lmao i was trembling by the end hehehe <3 aaaaah i can literally feel myself blushing as i type this eeeee he also BIT MY ASS and i have a massive bruise now <333 it’s very pretty <33

please honey i love speaking to you, no matter what you have to say, it’s always a joy talking with you and i appreciate and cherish you very much!!! <333 i am trying very had sweetpea, i hope you are as well!! hmm plans plans,,, well atm it’s looking like saturday’s going to be a day full of hiking n then getting my soul fucked outta me again LMAO <33 everything’s still closed here unfortunately, sooooooo :( maybe we’ll cook a meal together!! ah that would be so lovely <3

ALSO LMAOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHA WELL WELL LET ME TELL U IT IS SWOLLEN AND BRUISED AGAIN no literally i was bleeding yesterday but fuck he shuddered so hard when he came and tbh that made it all worth it holy fuck <3333333333

[turtle-in-space]

Just gotta vent again for a hot second (or two)

I feel like I’m treating my tumblr like a diary now lol. After posting that long rant yesterday, I reflected a lot about what I said in it and I felt kind of petty... My life wasn’t that bad honestly and I had a lot of great opportunities!! I feel very fortunate to be where I am now and everything that happened in life brought me to this moment. I felt bad for trashing so much in my last post, so I thought that since my exams were over, I should reflect on my words a little better. I’m sorry for filling feeds with this shit, but please understand that I’m trying this out to cope with my stress :(

An old friend from high school reached out to me and that kind of slapped me out of my dark place. I realize now that I had not really moved on from my past self as much as I thought. I feel like I blamed too many people for my insecurities and I forgot to appreciate the people who I should have focused my energy on: the ones who pulled me out during the weekends when I felt really down, the ones who helped me with assignments at ridiculously late hours, the ones who reminded me to look past my face and the way I dressed, etc...

My mother called recently and that call stressed me out a lot. I was always bitter about not having a rich, emotionally supportive, and westernized family. My parents constantly threatened to divorce. My mother often told me that if I wasn’t obedient, she would send me to an orphanage or lock me in the basement to starve. My father was very verbally and physically abusive. He threw things and cursed at everyone in my family if he was upset about anything. (He was also a full-blown racist toward everyone who breathed on this earth) Both my parents constantly reminded me I wasn’t worth shit without them and that I should have never been born. I really wanted to talk to someone about this when it affected me greatly as a teenager, but people wouldn’t hesitate to tell me that I should be thankful for my privilege of having a smartphone and computer, getting into a decent college, and having good grades. Poor people aren’t supposed to have nice things and take up opportunities right? It still hurts to think about it, but I’m not self-destructive over my parents’ “criticisms” anymore. Their insults don’t cut deep anymore and I’ve learned that I’m more than their threats and abuses. It still stresses me out to go home because they also had two more kids (what’s birth control lol) and I’m a free babysitter/housekeeper. But Turtle, you’re an adult now!! They can’t tell you what to do anymore!!! ayy lmao first of all please check yourself and secondly I don’t want to bother explaining myself if that’s how it’s going to be so just accept this is all I can handle in life right now ok?

On a more positive note, I’m still working on that self-worth part!! I’m trying to appreciate the little victories in life, like I was feeling really down last week, but decided to get out of bed and get my eyebrows done and wow. I hate going outside especially by myself, but new eyebrows make a new person honestly. Best decision of the month tbh. I was also feeling like crap for spending more than usual, so I was glad that my supervisor let me take more work hours. Also so proud of myself for saving up enough for a new phone on top of my other expenses!!! My mentor in my new lab has also been so good to me by giving me days off during my exam week. I have to start job hunting soon, and I’m worried that I’m not very impressive to hire. My boyfriend often reminds me that my resume is built like a steel hammer though so let’s hope!!!

I was hoping for a more positive post for myself, but I guess that part about my parents wasn’t so gr8 lol. I guess writing these posts just helps take these bad thoughts off my mind and into something else so it feels like they have been lifted off my shoulders. I’m still an angry little bitch sometimes. Still awkward af too lol. I’ve recently noticed that when I talk to people I’m uncomfortably being around, I start acting awkwardly nervous and say stupid shit like “Oh I talk to my Google assistant when I’m lonely.” No shit I’m not actually that desperate but I’m trying to seem interesting... I’m trying ; - ; Anyway moral of this story... good people are out there! It might take years but it’ll be so worth it when you find them... Actually fuck that; the moral of this story is to go out and get your eyebrows done because it’ll hurt for like 2 mins but then you feel like a tru goddess and your fine af eyebrow raises will let people know they can’t hurt you no mo.

[swearronchanel]

6.08, my last commentary™ R I P to me

I wanted to post this right away but my phone died and I broke my charger so I had to handle that but now I’m finally able to. I’m literally dead, I STILL can not process how amazing it was. So I’ll just get on with it post my earlier thoughts  

¡¡TODAY IS THE DAY AHH!! IM FREAKING LATE KILL ME

BUT HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE? IM NOT READY FOR THIS SERIES TO END BUT I NEED TO SEE SHELGAH *SAFELY* GIVE BIRTH TO A HEALTHY BABY. ANYWAY IM LITERALLY GOING TO DIE AFTER THIS EPISODE SO ENJOY THE FINAL THOUGHTS OF MY LIFE, LETS GET IT ..

MY HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE ITS BEATING SO FAST

TBH I MIGHT SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

SCREW THESE CREDITS BUT I NEED THEM BC IM NOT READY OMG

IM SCREAMING

aw baby! & hey val

Does this mean Delia had No letters from pats this whole time??

MY BBY SHELAGH OMG HER BELLY

SHE CANT REACH HER SHOE OMG SO PRECIOUS THOUGH

Sister MJ I love u 😭😂

Family planning clinic!

YES VAL! they’re women not criminals !!

YES TRIXIE THANKS BBY FOR SPEAKING UP

aww poor Barbara

“..There are tales of missionaries served for luncheon in those climes” LMAO OMG SISTER MJ THATS NOT WHAT SHE NEEDS TO HEAR RIGHT NOW

It’s so sweet that Babs really wants her dad, I feel. My grandfather officiated my parents’ and brother’s wedding, I hope he does mine. If someone wants to marry me one day ofc lol 😂😭

SHELAGH IS ACTUALLY YELLING .. WHY DO I LOVE IT?

All the shit she’s been through/delt with and pregnancy sets her off huh..

BUT TRIXE AND SHEALGH INTERACTING YESS NOT THE WAY I WANTED BUT ILL TAKE IT FOR NOW

AWW MY BBY CRYING SOMEONE HUG HER 😭😭💕💕

MY BBY TRIXIE IS SMIRKING AT MY OTHER BBY LOL STOP 😭😭💔

“Hot and bothered” 😭😂 Violet having hot flashes. That’s not funny but i giggled I’m sorry immature of me

I can’t imagine being around when the pill was just coming out(or antibiotics even) like that must have been so wild ? you really would think they were magic *remember Vanessa Redgrave saying that in series 2?*

my mom is a nurse at a gyn/fertility office and she informed me of so much at a young age lol maybe that’s why I’m so curious idk?

lol I remember being like 13 and my friends didn’t know there was more than just the pill when it came to birth control and I really felt I was an expert😂 but *a judge’s voice* irrelevance moving on.

Needing your husbands permisson for a bank account? *sucks teeth* Vete ya!

Aw my bby shelagh 💔💔😭

“And I’ll warrant you’ve never felt more scared” I AM! AND THIS ISNT EVEN MY FICTIONAL PREGNANCY

“Oh lass“😭 PHYLLIS COMFORTING HER OMG I AM CRYING ALREADY, I NEVER KNEW I WANTED THIS

"Phyllis you’ve been a real friend” IM NOT OKAY OMG, THEY’VE COME SO FAR I CRY

OMG SHELAGH BEING SO CUTE WTF OMGGG 💖

PROTECT MY BBY & HER BABY AT ALL COSTS 💕💕

THE NONNATUNs CHEERING SO PURE 😭

“What if something goes wrong?” stop tempting fate Patrick !!

“I’ve made up my mind” MY BBY I CANT DEAL .. once upon a time she couldn’t speak up and was so timid 😭 my bby has grown

Her lipstick is a nice color, wait what’s this lady’s name?

The nurses all together makes me so happy omg why is this so adorable, even Phyllis is there !! SO PURE💕

Lol poor Fred tries his best !

Damn secondment to st Cuthberts, I guess Trixie couldn’t even be considered for to be Shelagh’s midwife

SHELAGH IN THE CARDIGAN >>

OF COURSE SHE CHOSE SISTER JULIENNE WE WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED IT ANY OTHER WAY

“‘MY DEAR” BRB DROWNING IN TEARS

but omg was Phyllis disappointed 😭 no don’t be hurt that’s her basically her mother! (sister j and Phyllis would’ve been a good tag team though)

this montage just reminds me brb #irresponsibleme

Future Hereward’s take a note from the Turners, find out about each other sooner rather than later

LOL TOM’S AWKWARD FACE BC BABS IS GETTING CONTRACEPTION

it’s Wilma! her name is Wilma, noted.

Lol what does she sell? Is the company like Avon ? 😂I’m confused but also screaming too much internally

poor Babs is so nervous and feeling awkward 😂

Her face while on the bed😂 I feel

LMAO BABS TAKING OUT THE DIAPHRAGM & DROPPING IT HA

BUT WAIT THAT WAS THE TURNERS BATHROOM WTF ??

Patrick putting on or tying Shelagh’s shoes my fucking heart is melting

She doesn’t want him there .. for now?

“..We’re a team” 😭😭💕💕 marriage goals

“The minute I look at you I’ll give you everything you ask for” BRB I AM INDEED GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

I CAN NOT DEAL

Phyllis exercising 😭😂

“I have chosen one of my friends” OMG MY HEART

PHYLLIS BE MY BRIDESMAID !??

why does she only have one though? is it more like a maid of honor?

HERES COME MORE TEARS

THE SPANISH AYE DIOS MI CORAZON

Aw good for Wilma being happy with her job! Does everyone call the sofa the settee?

There’s that babycham! Still was never sure if it was alcoholic or nah? sparkling cider maybe?

OMG I HAVE A BOTTLE IN MY BAG THAT I BROUGHT FROM FLORIDA

new drinking came, shots every time the show makes you cry lol jk i’d be on the floor 20 mins in 

that sports car aye

My bby looking good 😍😍

she knows what it’s like to be hurt Christopher😭

You’re not supposed to take 3 at a time Wilma, I’ve been scolded enough

Okay so Babs just fell asleep and that’s all?? Preview made it seem more dramatic

Now is Val going to listen and not touch anything? lol probably

Violet always rocking blue eyeshadow haha

Is that a silicone faja?? that looks hella uncomfortable

TRIXIE’S FACE OF DISGUST HAHA

OMG THE FAM HELPING OUT WITH FUNDS MY HEART

I WANT TO BE APART OF THE NONNATUS FAMILY!

PHYLLIS AND BABS DRESS SHOPPING I LOVE THIS

“.. she’ll have me to reckon with”  TE QUERIO MUCHO PHYLLIS

I NEED A PHYLLIS IN MY LIFE

SHE HAS A FAV DRESS OMG I LOVE HER

HER FACE OMG I NEED THAT SCREENSHOTTED

SHELAGH MY BBY😭😭

Their new bedroom is so 60s I love it

She still didn’t read the pamphlet !! I love her omg, such pure intentions

OMG SISTER J REMINISCING, AH FINALLY SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAT SHE WAS A NUN, I AM SOBBING BYEE IM DYING. MY HEART RATE IS SLOWING DOWN

POOR DEELS AW OMG she doesn’t deserve this, she barely has screen time don’t hurt her 

Shealgh’s got another nightgown! 1962/2017 is apparently the year of nighties #thebrinylonforthewinthough

I love pink waffers 😭😂

SHIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH WILMA IM SCARED, IS IT A HEART ATTACK?? BLOOD CLOT??

poor vi!! aww she misses reggie too!

AW FRED HUG HER

and he’s fanning her omg so pure

SHEALGH’S GOING IN TO LABOR ?? AHHHHH OMGG IM NOT READY

but also she has a housecoat how cute

SISTER J SAID “HIS SPINE” OMG HOW DOES SHE KNOW ALREADY

“I knew it” bless u bby😭😭 she is a GEM. WHY IS SHE SO LOVABLE?

omg Wilma don’t die, Trixie can u save her 😭

shit not looking good, maybe this was the death they meant

shelagh throwing up yikes

“She’s smiling and waving” yea we know that smiling and waving😂😂 but omg doesn’t this remind anyone of when you’ve been partying too hard but you’re trying to convince your friends that you’re not ready to tap out yet😂😭

if not nevermind I’ll feel trashy lmaoo

PASS THAT GAS AND AIR SISTER J

AW BBY YOU ARE BRAVE!!!!!!!

IM CRYING BUT RUNNING OUT OF TEARS

HOW TF DOES LAURA LOOK GORGEOUS ALL SWEATY AND IN TEARS WHILE PRETENDING TO BE IN LABOR?? & i’m still a creature?

Poor Patrick! He must be going as crazy as I am!

I DONT HAVE ASTHMA BUT I NEED AN INHALER BC I CANT BREATHE IM SO ANXIOUS OMG

IM NOT A SMOKER BUT I FEEL LIKE I NEED A CIGG BC IM ABOUT TO LOSE IT

Trixie is doing Wilma’s makeup omg I can’t take this 😭💔💔

“I can’t believe I used to dream of this” OMG SHELAGH & SISTER J

“Every woman alive is the sum of all she ever did, and felt, and was.” ..“and how do you know that?” ..“ i wasn’t aware that I did until just now”

¡¡¡IM A W R E C K!!! l o v e that

SHE IS SINGING DORIS DAY’s SECRET LOVE AND I AM F*CKING DEAD GOODBYE

PATRICK SINGING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR SOMEONE SEND H E L P IM DYING I BET IT’S “THEIR SONG” & YOU ARE ALL CORDIALLY INVITED TO MY FUNERAL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS EPISODE  

I’M NOT GONNA MAKE IT

“We can’t just be like any other couple.. because we’re us”

MY HEART WTF I SWEAR IT IS ABOUT TO BURST BUT IT’S NOT BEATING

IM DEAD INSIDE AND MY BODY WILL FOLLOW WHEN THIS IS OVER

Get in there Patrick!

“The children are here” .. to say goodnight omg no😢

OMG PATRICK HOLDING HER I AM FUCKING SCREAMING

“YOU CLEVER GIRL” OMGG WHO CALLED IT

I CANT SEE WHATS HAPPENING TOO MANY TEARS IN MY EYES

IT’S A BOY I KNEW IT WELL I HAD A FEELING !

BABYTURNERLAND 2.0!!!! QUE LINDO DIOS TE BENDIGA 💖👼🏼

WHAT IS HIS NAME???

THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF MY LIFE WOW I CANT PROCESS IT ALL

“May the lord bless you and keep you” OMGGG, JESUS HEIDI WTF ARE YOU DOING TO ME ??!! I’ve never been so invested in a show or fictional characters’ lives like this 😭😭

I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D SEE THIS DAY AND IM HAVING SO MANY FEELS, I BARELY HAVE ANY THOUGHTS I AM S h o o k, I AM NOTHING IN THIS WORLD. JUST USELESS TRASH FOR CTM

WELL, ALMOST 19 YEARS OF LIVING WAS GOOD ENOUGH RIGHT?

HONESTLY JUST PUT ME IN THE GARBAGE BC I HAVE NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE TO SAY IM JUST GUSHING AND DYING

BUT SERIOUSLY LAURA MAIN IS I N C R E D I B L E AND DESERVES EVERY AWARD SO PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER @ THE EMMYS, THE SAGS, THE GOLDEN GLOBES & ALL OTHER AWARDS OF ALL PRESTIGE!!  STOP PLAYING GAMES & GIVE LAURA + CTM THE RECOGNITION IT DESERVES  !! & no excuses it happened for downton!

NO WILMA IS DEAD NO

The pill is so great and useful and miraculous in a way but I’m glad they showed some of its issues but DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO KILL THE FIRST WOMEN THEY GAVE IT TO? I’m still here tho, I’m rolling

NO TOM DONT SAY THaT WTF? TRIXIE IS OVER U AND U ARE OVER HER don’t ruin the moment

why did I think bab’s dad was the rev Applebee Thornton 😭😂😂😂?? where’s Jane lol

My bby trixie serving looks as always 😍😍

Aw his daughter is cute

CHRISTOPHER LOOKS GOOD TOO UGH😍

What are knickerbocker glories?

lol Boots! lowkey want to go there to satisfy my 15 year old self who liked to watch British youtubers affordable makeup videos (tbh I still do when I’m bored)

REGGIE! OMG HE CALLED VI MUM I DIE

OH YEA THE WEDDING OMG LOL I DONT FORGOT FOR A SEC

IM STILL SCREAMING, MY FREAKING BBY JUST HAD A MIRACLE BABY !!!!! I LEGIT RAN OUT OF TEARS WHAT DO I DO

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME MY GOD

THE GIRLS SINGING “HAPPY WEDDING DAY” TO BABS OMG THAT WAS GREAT, I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THAT

I NEED TO WATCH THIS AGAIN AND IT DIDNT FINISH YET

LMAO TOM AND FRED HUNGOVER, relatable AF😂😭

SO IS TOM’S SURPRISE IS MONEY? Or is he going to buy her something!?

Barbara’s cape reminds me of Phoebe’s from FRIENDS

The stain glass !! love it

PHYLLIS LOOKS SO ADORABLE OMG HER BOUCLE SUIT AW

WHY A HEADBAND ON YOUR WEDDING DAY BABs? BUT good for them lol 😭 I don’t care enough at the moment  but let them be happy they’re so great for each other !

HE GOT A FUCKING CAROUSEL OMG

damn. Nice one Tom. I’m a little jealous, someone needs to love me like that.😭

“At times, the present seems most perfect when it seeds lie in the past. And others, life is rendered flawless when we look towards future, glimpsing from within one golden moment all the joys the days to come might hold” 💕😢😭

THE TURNERS, NOW A FAMILY OF 5 OMGGGGGGG 😭😭

THE NUNS SO PURE ❣️ lol obviously

“We can not stand still because the world keeps turning. Every year must give way to the next and it’s stories must be folded, tucked away like children’s clothes outgrown, cherished and never quite forgotten”

VANNESSA ALWAYS SAYS THE RIGHT THINGS UGH

Aw Angela with Tim!

My BBY SHELAGH IN HER BLUE OUTFIT WITH UNNAMED BABY TURNER ID CRY IF I COULD

“1962 was a year of great change at Nonnatus House, but there’s always change, everywhere, there are always new faces, new tears to shed, new joys to invest in , yet the circle of love is not broken, it expands.” YOU GOT THAT RIGHT🙏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻😭😭😢😢💖💖

I NEED THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL LIKE TOMORROW PLEASE

lol Val screaming it’s snowing 😭 same

PATSY!!!

SHE AND DELIA KISSED OMG

GOOD FOR THEM 😭

ALSO GOOD FOR ME bc I was tired of the same complaints that BBC broke them apart and Patsy was “sent away” nah man Emerald was busy!

“Love bares all things, love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things and love never ends”

THIS WAS INCREDIBLE WOW IM A MESS

IF I DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE COMMISSONED FOR 3 MORE SERIES I’D THINK THIS WAS THE END??

BUT UGH NOW WE MUST WAIT

ANYWAY I SEE THE LIGHT FOLKS

IDK IF THIS IS HELL OR HEAVEN BUT I AM DEAD, I SEE THE EARTH BEHIND ME

TBH ITS PROB HELL

Someone throw me in the damn ground already!!

In loving memory of Gabby Nuñez (1998-2017) taken far too soon because of the emotional toll brought by call the midwife, she didn’t choose to get so emotionally invested it just happened. She is grateful for her time on earth, you may leave comments, flowers or send money. Thank you for putting up with her nonsense and foolishness *now someone give my eulogy & someone else may come up and sing a hymn to conclude*

[idontneedtobeforgiven]

holy shit i literally have no words for your vm fic on ao3 it was so good! now i'm dying to know the story of how tessa gave scott his first bj 😏

Aw thank you! Originally, I got the idea of Scott teaching Tessa how to drive as something just purely fluffy but then I added it to this story and just made it smutty lmao. Here’s a very short, rough drabble as to how that went down 

This is not a short and rough drabble. This somehow became 3330 words of how Scott received his first blowjob. It’s probably garbage but HERE YA GO!

Teaching Tessa how to drive is kind of pointless. Her parents gave her Kevin’s old car for her to learn on and Tessa rolls her eyes when Scott tells her to just take it slow, to ease her foot on the pedal. She pulls on to the empty stretch of road like she’s been driving for years. “It’s not that difficult,” she says, checking the rear view mirror and over her shoulder before she changes lanes. “I’ve been watching you drive forever. It’s just a confidence game.”

The next time he takes her out, it’s in his truck which is a stick, and this doesn’t come easy to her in the least bit. She gets this look on her face that he’s only seen on the ice before, an angry calm that wrinkles her brow and turns down the corner of her lips. The truck dies five times and they haven’t even left the side of the road, only made it a few feet down from where Scott parked it to begin with.

Tessa isn’t a quitter but he knows she’s getting frustrated with herself so he opens up the glove compartment and pulls out the chocolate she had stashed there. “I don’t deserve any,” she says when he holds out a square and Scott rolls his eyes and throws the chocolate at her anyway.

“You’re not going to get it in one day, T. I didn’t.”

She picks up the piece of chocolate that landed on the seat between them, blows off some fuzz and pops it in her mouth. “I guess.”

Scott reaches over, turns the keys to the off position. They pass the chocolate back and forth, talking about nothing and everything. It’s nice in a weird way, because it hasn’t been this easy between them in a few years. It’s probably mostly his fault but he wouldn’t say that aloud, ever.

For the next week on their way home from training, he drives them to this same stretch of road and Tessa fails to get them very far from where they start. She’s still annoyed each time but it always ends in them spending at least an hour talking when she gives up for the night (or when he tells her she needs to stop because he doesn’t want his truck to completely fuck up). He tells her about breaking up with his girlfriend and how his teacher thinks he should go up a math course. She tells him about the dissection in her bio class and how her mom keeps pushing for her to go on birth control.

“I can’t afford the weight gain,” she sighs before picking up their shared gatorade and taking a sip. “Besides, it’s not like I’m doing anything down there.”

“Tess,” he groans and she rolls her eyes as she passes him the drink.

“Shut up, it’s not like I don’t know you’re having sex. Don’t be such a baby.”

“You’re fourteen,” he says, trying to defend how uncomfortable he is at the thought of Tessa like that.

“You had sex two days before your fifteenth birthday,” she deadpans. “Besides, you still look like you’re fourteen.”

“Rude,” he grumbles. She rolls her eyes again as he recaps the drink and she fishes a carrot out of the plastic baggy between them. “You’re not though, right?”

“Having sex?” He nods. “No, I told you, nothing is going on down here,” she says, motioning to her pelvis with her carrot before she takes a bite. “Well, nothing with a penis.”

“Tessa,” he moans, hand coming up to rub at his face. “I don’t want to hear this.”

“You asked!”

It’s silent for a moment and yeah, he has to do this. He knows Tessa can take care of herself but he’s a teenage boy and he knows that all teenage boys are douches. “You’re not doing anything you don’t want to do right?” He doesn’t look at her while he speaks, hopes that he’s not pink in the face with the fact that he’s talking to Tessa about sex. Period talk he can handle. This, he cannot.

“I promise that I’m only doing things I want to do,” she says. He feels her hand on his and he looks up to find her smiling at him. “Thanks for worrying though.”

The next week, Tessa manages to keep his truck alive long enough to pull out on the road but that’s about as far she she can get. He tries to get her comfortable just using the clutch, taking control of the stick shift while she focuses solely on getting her feet right. It helps at least get them back over to the side of the road and when he asks if she wants to try again, she shrugs and tells him to pull out the snacks she packed in her bag.

They talk about making the potential switch to online classes. She worries that it’ll isolate them too much, won’t give them enough time to keep up with friendships outside of the skating world, and he’s inclined to agree. He brings up the fact that online classes could at least help them move faster, bringing up how bored she is with her English and history courses and mentions again how bored he is in his math class.

He finishes off the kale chips she made and she looks deep in thought and he’s expecting her to go quite for a while when suddenly she looks at him, face blank. “When was the last time you got off?” He looks at her like she’s grown three heads and she lets out the heaviest sigh. “Scott, you were getting hard during practice today. That hasn’t happened since you were like, thirteen.”

“Sorry,” he says in lieu of anything else and his face feels like it’s on fire.

“I don’t care,” she says. “I just thought you might.” He hopes that’s the end of it but Tessa doesn’t let it go. “I know you’re single now but-”

“Please do not continue-”

“You should mast-”

“Tessa, stop-”

“It’s a natural part of life, Scott!”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Okay, even if you don’t want to take care of yourself, surely there are other girls who will-”

“Tessa,” he shouts, putting his hand over her mouth. Her eyes go wide above his hand. “I’m not talking about my dick with you.” Her eyebrows drop down and then his hand is wet and he pulls it back, wiping where she licked on his jeans.

“We talk about my period, why can’t we talk about this?” He doesn’t look at her, just opens his door and tells her to slide across the bench.

Another week passes and Tessa manages to get her foot work down. They can make it down the road so long as Scott is the one controlling the stick shift and Tessa looks so proud of herself that Scott knows he’s smiling like an idiot. He thinks she could try working the stick after the U turn she takes but after shifting into the wrong gear three times and his truck makes a scary noise, he takes back over.

When they pull over to have their snacks (this time he brought cookies that his mom sent down and they picked up some chocolate milk from the corner store they pass on their way to the rink), Tessa turns so her back is resting on the door, legs pulled up on to the seat. “You know Lily, right?” He nods. “I bet she’d go out with you if you asked.”

He cocks his head to the side. “Okay…”

Tessa wiggles in her seat. “She puts out,” Tessa says nonchalantly, picking out the m&ms from the cookie in her hand.

“Are we really talking about this again?”

Tessa shrugs. “You got hard at practice again.” He groans, apology on the tip of his tongue but Tessa just sticks out a foot, pokes his thigh. “It’s fine. I just think you should take care of yourself.”

“I don’t want to fuck Lily.”

“Nobody said you had to have sex with her.”

“What else would I do?” He watches her stare at him blankly for a moment before she does the crudest thing he has ever seen a girl do (and he’s had sex so this is saying a lot). She moves her lips into the shape of an O, tongue pushing out the side of one of her cheeks, fist coming towards her mouth to move in time with her tongue. “Oh my god,” he groans. “I can’t believe you just- Oh my god.” He screws his eyes shut and shakes his head. “No. I’m not- Girls don’t even like doing that.”

Tessa blinks, once, twice, then, very timidly, says, “I do.” His head jerks up to look at her and she looks nervous now, like she hasn’t just been matter-of-factly been talking about sex with him a few times now. “Is that weird?”

He stutters a little, unsure of how to handle this. “I think you’re probably the minority in this case, T.” Tessa looks thoughtful, staring not really at him but definitely in his direction. “I wouldn’t ever ask a girl to do that if she didn’t want to…” He swallows hard. He’s never asked any girl he’s been with for a blowjob, never felt the need to. He knows that most girls just see it as a chore and he’s sure it’s great (his brothers tell him it is) but if sex, actual sex, is on the table, why wouldn’t he just go for that? It’s so, so weird to hear that Tessa’s given blowjobs and he tries to tell himself it’s because she’s younger, tries to tell himself it’s because it’s Tessa, who he’s known since she was seven, tries to tell himself that it’s because he didn’t expect Tessa to do something before him when it came to sex. He tries to ignore the way his boxers start to tighten and god, no, no, no.

Tessa’s definitely staring at him now, considering. Then, she licks her lips and says, “I’ll blow you.” His reaction is to scoff or maybe to laugh but his dick twitches like an absolute traitor and words get lodged in his throat until something akin to a whine and a groan snakes its way out. He lets out a heavy breath through his nose and his hands have clenched into fists at his side. He starts to shake his head but Tessa rolls her eyes at him (and god, she’s doing that so much now, it’s so irritating). “If it’s going to stop you from getting a semi every practice, I’m happy to do it.”

It sounds like some sort of pity blowjob and no, that’s not how his first blowjob is going to go down.

“What,” she asks, voice about an octave higher than normal. He looks at her confused and she continues. “You’ve never had a blowjob?”

“I said that out loud,” he practically yells and she breaks into a fit of laughter while he feels like leaving her here in his truck while he walks home. “Tess,” he groans and he can hear her working to slow her breathing in an effort to stop her giggling. “Can we please just pretend this entire day didn’t happen?”

“Nope,” she says, lips popping the word out. She moves the cookies out of the middle of the seat so she can slide closer to him. She leaves space to breathe, space for him to bolt if he needs to. “Scott?” She says his name slow and measured. “Can you look at me please?” He does even though he feels like dying and it really just is so unfair that she looks older than he does. “Can I blow you,” she asks sincerely and Scott really cannot believe this is happening.

“You don’t ha-”

“I want to,” she’s quick to add and that seems like something they should probably talk about. “I told you, I like doing it. And it’ll help you cool off for practices.” She gives a little shrug. “It’s a win-win.”

This seems like a bad idea. No, he’s almost certain this is a bad idea. But he can feel himself getting flustered more now that she’s closer and saying all this stuff and before he fully realizes it, he’s nodding and she’s smiling and her hands are on his sweats.

He wants to touch her too, thinks he should, but he doesn’t know if that’s allowed. He tucks his hands under his thighs so he doesn’t accidentally do something that’ll make her hate him (or him hate himself). Her fingers hook under the waistband of his clothes and he lets his head fall back, not sure he can handle watching her do this. It’s uncomfortably quiet in the cab of his truck and he almost wants to stop her so that they can put on some music but then he hears her spit and then a wet hand wraps around his half hard dick, grip just right. She strokes him a few times and his breathing has definitely gotten heavier and he thinks that hers has too but it’s hard to focus with his heart beating so hard in his ears.

“Condom,” she asks once he’s fully hard in her hand.

“Backpack.” It’s cold when she pulls away to reach into the backseat, his dick left bobbing in the air but she makes quick work of finding the condom that was thankfully still in there. She rolls it on him easily and it makes his stomach churn thinking about how often she’s done this. Not that there’s anything wrong with it if she has done this a lot. It’s just not something he expected from Tessa. Tessa who he’s known since she was seven.

How is he letting this happen?

“Oh,” she mutters and that doesn’t sound good. “How long has this been in your backpack?”

He opens his eyes, finds her looking at his dick most concerned. He looks down, sees the slight rip in the condom at the side about half way down. “Shit,” he sighs but then, maybe this is the sign he’s been looking for. They really shouldn’t be doing this and this is a sign.

She drags the condom off his dick and his hips jump into her hand. She pauses. “Are you clean?”

She still wants to do this.

Holy sweet hell.

“You’d know if I went to the doctor,” he says because it’s true. Sometimes it feels like he can’t even take a shit without Tessa knowing they spend so much of their time together.

Tessa considers this and then gives a little nod. “Okay,” she says and then she’s scooting back, broken condom dropped to the floorboard. He needs to remember to throw that out when he gets home.

She’s given herself enough space to bend forward comfortably and when her tongue first grazes his dick, he bites his lip so hard, he’s sure it’s going to bleed.

Her tongue licks the length of him twice, her hand coming to wrap tight around the base of his cock when her mouth moves to take him in. She starts slow, first only taking in the head of his cock while her hand shortly strokes him. Her mouth is so warm, so wet, and her tongue is rigid as it swirls around him. With each bob of her head, she takes him a little deeper, keeps working her hand in time with her mouth.

He still hasn’t looked down at her but then he feels the soft scrape of her teeth and his hips jerk, pushing himself deeper than she’s gone so far and his eyes open wide. He didn’t mean to do that, hopes she isn’t upset, but, even though he can hear her choke a little, she moans. She moans loud and he feels the vibrations around him and he digs his hands into the seat underneath him.

Tessa pulls him out of her mouth and oh, there’s so much saliva hanging from her mouth, connecting her to his dick which glistens with her. “You can do that again,” she pants, looking him in the eye. He can’t stop looking at her swollen lips or the way her eye make up has started to run. It’s like he’s seeing her for the very first time again and his heart stutters in his chest and his dick twitches in her grip. She bends back down, head bobbing twice before she pulls off him again slowly, cheeks hollowed and eyes looking up at him. With her free hand, she taps his arm. “You can touch me, if you want,” she says, running her tongue over her lips. “I don’t mind if you pull my hair… I like it.”

How he doesn’t immediately cum in her hand, Scott has no idea.

She’s on him again, wrist twisting as it glides over him, mouth and tongue taking more and more and more until he can feel her swallow around him. Hesitantly, he puts a hand to her hair, lets his fingers thread through the tangled locks. Like a reward, she moves faster, her teeth coming into play again. He grips the hair at the base of her skull and when he gives it an experimental tug, the whine she releases is muffled by his cock.

Motivated by her noises, he keeps a strong hold on her hair and he must be doing something right because Tessa seems to go into overdrive. She sucks him off hard and deep, her nose brushing his thigh, and the hand that had been aiding her has moved down to cup his balls through his pants. It makes him jerk into her mouth again. No one else has ever done that before.

She rolls them softly in her hand and Scott can feel himself sweating, his breath coming in harsh pants. “T,” he groans, trying to actually pull her off him because if she keeps going, he’s going to cum in her mouth. “T,” he repeats. “I’m gonna cum.”

To his complete and utter surprise, she gives him a thumbs up and stays on his dick. In fact, her efforts seem to double down and she only manages to bob her head three more times before he seizes in her mouth. She tries, he can tell, to swallow it all, but her head isn’t in the right spot or maybe her lips aren’t tight enough around him and so some spills out, running from her mouth and down the sides of his cock. She keeps sucking though, keeps going until his dick settles and softens in her mouth.

She leans back on her knees, lips and chin covered in a mixture of his cum and her saliva and he can feel the stirrings of arousal low in his belly even though he just came.

She looks like a glorious mess. She wipes at her face with her hands, takes her fingers in her mouth to clean them and she looks so proud of herself, lips puffy and red stretching into a shy smile. Shy, like she didn’t just have his dick in his mouth, like the taste of his cum isn’t on her tongue.

“Jesus fucking christ, Tessa,” he breathes out. She smiles a little wider and grabs his water bottle from where the cupholder, pushing it into his shaking hand. Oh, he’s shaking. Jesus.

“What’re friends for,” she says and takes the bottle back from him to take a swig of her own. He feels like he needs to do something in return and the thought of touching Tessa like she just touched him sends his head spinning. She seems to read his mind and shakes her head. “I’m on my period,” she reminds him. “But let’s just say you owe me one when I need it?”

All Scott can do is nod.