#i’m actually going crazy over this idea

[pucksandpebbles]

BLUE STRIPS, JH86 - PART TWO

"And I know you know what's going on I'm going home, l'ma take it off for him I'ma strip down all your wrongs, yeah" Quinn comes to town to babysit you after the stunt you'd pulled, but you've got other ideas of how his visit will play out.

READ PART ONE HERE

a/n: y'all showed part one a lot of love and a lovely anon suggested a continuation for this story which I took and ran with it - so enjoy! Implications and references to sex but nothing detailed.

wc: 1,8k

Quinn was furious. He stood in front of the door, blocking your exit as you faced him, dressed up and ready to go out, bag in hand and dress leaving little to the imagination. To his imagination. 

“No. No parties. No nothing.” He declared.

You smirked, he was not winning this argument, “Listen, I’m going whether you like it or not. Your choices are as follows. One, you stand your ground and have to face up to the reinforcements that I will call in, or two you let me go.”

“Not going to happen.”

Folding your arms, you sighed, “I’m sure we can come up with some sort of compromise here.”

For a moment, neither of you said anything, you simply glared at him - a silent battle of wills occurring between you. 

Then, “You can go,” your face erupted into a smile, “but, I supervise.”

A win was a win. It’d be easy to get away from Quinn under the confusing and pulsing lights of the club, even more so if you could pay off one of your friends to keep him distracted all night. Revenge was a dish best served hot, burning hot, so hot that it scolded. That’s how you’d done it with Jack, and that’s how you’d do it with Quinn.

As you followed him out of the apartment and downstairs, you shook your head, remembering the truly crazy past twenty-four hours of your life.

You’d woken up to a loud, banging at your door - the aggressive noise shot your heart rate up and you’d scrambled off where you’d fallen asleep on the sofa in front of the television to the door, tugging at your night dress which barely covered the tops of your thighs in a desperate attempt to lengthen it. You checked the time on your phone, it was the early hours of the morning. Who in the hell was knocking on your door at this time? With desperate and shaking fingers, you put the key in the door and in the middle of another round of raps, you pulled the door open.

Stood in the darkened hallway was none other than Quinn. Quinn Hughes. Hair dishevelled and wearing his Canucks hoodie. Your jaw almost fell to the floor with surprise.

“Quinn, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I think the question should go more like, what the hell are you doing?” He retorted, pushing his way into the apartment. You side-stepped his movement, shaking your head and rolling your eyes at the brazeness - Jack had to get it from somewhere you guessed. 

Closing the door, you turned around to where Quinn had dropped his duffle bag on your kitchen counter, “Quinn, you should be in Michigan right now, or Vancouver. I don’t really care. But you have no business here.”

“My business here is you. What the hell were you thinking at that bar?!”

You folded your arms over your chest, spitting back, “I was thinking I wanted to get over Jack by getting under someone new. Didn’t know I needed your permission for that. I am an adult, I can do what I like of my own free will. So you can leave.”

Taking off his jacket, and leaning against the counter top, Quinn shot back, “No actually, I’ll be baby-sitting you until further notice. What you did was reckless and dangerous.”

You scoffed, turning your head to the side. Not caring if you looked stroppy or petulant. Quinn couldn’t just come storming in, berate you and then refuse to leave and seemingly prevent you from having any further fun. Well, the joke was about to be on him. Without a word, you returned back to your place on the sofa, pulling out your phone and the groupchat with the girls. What you said was simple, concise and bound to get you in trouble with Mother Quinn. But so what, he’d signed himself up on the ride.

You: Fancy a round two, girls?

The uber ride was silent. Quinn was shifty and awkward and you felt jittery being stone-cold sober as you began to approach the club. Without the aid of the liquid courage, you’d probably have never been into a club before, the loud noises and flashing lights had a tendency to spike your heart rate and make you shaky and nervous.

Your legs wobbled slightly as you got out of the uber, Quinn took your hand, helping you down.

“It’s the heels,” You smiled, but you had a terrible feeling that he could see right through you.

You met the girls inside, hastily knocking back a couple shots to shake off the feeling that was beginning to settle into your bones.

After the first couple of rounds, the dance floor was your destination. Although you just couldn’t relax, feeling the glare of Quinn hot against your skin. You groaned, turning to your friend,

“I need someone to get rid of him for me.”

“Why is he even here?” She shouted back over the hard beat of the music.

You shook your head, brushing your hair off your shoulders and the way it was already beginning to stick to the back of your neck. 

In response, you yelled back, “Baby-sitting me apparently, after the stunt I pulled on Jack the other night.”

She rolled her eyes, continuing to shake her hips to the country song blasting over the speakers. You watched as she glanced over at where he was standing by the bar and then her gaze flickered back to you.

“You know what I would do if I were you?”

Your eyes sparkled with interest, you leaned in closer as she whispered in your ear, “Get with him.”

“Who, Quinn? I can’t!”

She knocked shoulders with you, a horrible teasing smirk on her face, “Sure you can, the opportunity is staring you right in the face.”

You paused, looked over your shoulder at him.

She continued, a smile flashing across her face, “Think about how pissed off Jack would be. Plus, I’m sure the sex is great.”

“I-” You tried to come up with an excuse but you couldn’t. The last time you’d refused to listen, you’d ended up looking at pictures of Jack getting back out there while you sobbed into your cup of coffee. 

“It’s petty, but it’s brilliant.” You relented.

She sighed, throwing her hands up in celebration, “Finally you listen!”

“But what makes you think he’s down?”

“Girl, the way he looks at you? That man wants it bad.”

She pushed your chest, spinning you around and sending you through the crowd, with a final whisper in your ear.

“Go get him girl.”

You slunk your way through the crowd, trying to avoid a drunken stranger bumping into you with a full cup of whatever. Your eyes locked onto Quinn, he was watching, looking right at you as you moved towards him. When you finally reached him, leaning on the bar next to him, you said, 

“You gonna drink something or are you gonna stare at me dancing all night.”

He shook his head stoically, scoffing a little but it just came out defensive, “I am not staring.”

You smirked, leaning in a little further, “It’s okay, you can admit it. I know I have a great ass.”

A moment elapsed, his mouth was stuck open a little as if he was trying to speak but nothing was coming out. 

He turned away from you, looking back into the swarm of people on the dance floor. His recovery was weak, you knew that, “I was not staring.”

Knowing you’d hit the jackpot, you already had him hooked, you leaned in to whisper in his ear, “If you want a piece of it, all you have to do is ask.”

He reeled around, shaking his head, voice harsh, “You are my brother’s ex-girlfriend. Jack’s ex-girlfriend. I cannot-”

“-fuck me. Sure you can Quinn.”

He countered, “It’s weird.”

“What is it they say?” You smiled, cocking your head to the side, “The heart wants what it wants. 

Both of you are shaking. It’s a need now, this wanting is taking over you and you know Quinn feels the way the energy in the room seems to pulse around you two. 

It’s only a second, when he leans in, breath warm and hovering just above your cupid’s bow - you’ve barely had time to process how fast he’s moved. You can’t help but hold your breath as you face each other, barely apart but not even touching. Then you meet, he moves in, slow and fast all at once and it’s like lightning has struck your body, you feel electric where his lips meet yours. His hands press onto your hips and they tingle with the sensation of how his warm fingers grip your flesh. They move upwards as he tongues further into your mouth. One hand brushes away your blonde hair and cups your jaw. You sigh as he kisses you - leaning back into it. When he pulls away, gently, you immediately want more, instantly addicted to his taste. A small whine escapes you.

“You’re not too drunk for this are you?”

You smile, “Trust me, I’m not.”

“Good.”

It was a scramble from there to get in an uber and back to your apartment. Your kisses were hot and messy in the car, as he thumbed at the skin of your bare thighs visible below the short hem of your dress. The contact and simultaneous lack of it was driving you crazy. By the time you were laid out on your bed, he’d already reduced you to yelps and whines. 

The whole drunken affair was something else. As you writhed on the bed under him, you silently prayed for your poor neighbours who could almost certainly hear your moans and cries through the wall. But Quinn was loving it, and your friend was not wrong - the sex was the best you’ve ever had. Mad and full of passion in a way you’d never experienced before. You forgot about revenge on Jack and how heartbroken you’d been only a few days earlier and simply lost yourself in Quinn.

Until the next morning.

It was the obnoxious ringtone of Quinn’s phone that stirred the both of you, bare limbs sticky and tangled up in each other. Wearily, Quinn grabbed it and accepted the call.

You could hear the yelling voice through the phone from where you were laid on Quinn’s chest. It was Jack. Of course.

“You fucked her? You fucked my ex-girlfriend?!”

Without thinking, you grabbed the phone from Quinn’s hand and said into it, “Yes, he did, thank you.” 

Then, simply hung up. You let the phone fall into the white sheets. You and Quinn looked at each other. You whispered,

“What the hell did we just do?”

And yet, you didn’t regret it. Not for one second.

[ducksido]

I just read your famous reader x idia in the bikini photoshoot and that was FIRE

I really love the idea of Idia with a famous reader so may i suggest famous reader who is a very popular singer, so much they get a role in a movie (a musical) were they and Vil act as the main characters. They share an absolutely iconic duo song and after the movie is released ppl just go crazy about readers and Vils chemistry while acting and singing. They are actually just very good friends but nothing else ofc since reader is with Idia but the public doesn’t know that reader is in a relationship

Idias reaction to the whole internet shipping his partner with one of his former classmates, just JEALOUS IDIA KQOFBIQWNDGU (fem or neutral reader, and thank you for your time 😔)

Idia had never seen this many hashtags in his life. And that was saying something for a guy whose entire For You Page was algorithmically curated to show 98% anime clips and 2% cat videos.

But now?

#VilxY/N #V/N #SwanSongSoulmates #TheirChemistryThough It was inescapable.

“Ughhghgghhh…” he groaned, faceplanting into his limited edition RFA pillow. “What kind of sadist coded the algorithm today?!”

Your name was trending again. Not unusual. You were always trending lately. Your voice alone could shut down the internet. But this time, it wasn’t your latest single, or your runway appearance, or even the viral video of you teaching Ortho how to Dougie.

No.

It was the movie. The movie. The romantic musical masterpiece you starred in. With Vil. Two gorgeous leads. One fire duet. And now the world was foaming at the mouth with their OTP delusions.

He was trying to ignore it—he really was! But every scroll brought up another edit, another post, another cursed caption:

“WHEN HE SPUN HER AND SHE HIT THAT HIGH NOTE??? GET MARRIED???” “Vil looking at them like they hung the moon... Idia who??” “No but imagine the musical s*** scene they cut out 👀🔥”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN S*** SCENE?!” Idia shrieked, nearly knocking over his gaming chair as he bolted upright. “THERE WAS A S*** SCENE?! THEY FILMED A SEX SCENE?! I’M GONNA BLACKOUT—”

“Brother,” Ortho peeked in calmly, holding a tray with cocoa, “you’re at a ten. Let’s try to bring it to, say… a six.”

Idia grabbed the cocoa with a tremble. “I’m fine. I’m chill. I’m—I’m going to throw up. Why didn’t they say they were going to have chemistry?! They’ve got enough charisma to flatten an entire fanbase!!”

And to make matters worse?

You hadn’t told the public you were dating. You wanted your privacy. He respected that. Really, he did.

But that meant the entire world thought you and Vil were star-crossed lovers plucked straight from the screen, and he—your actual boyfriend—was in the background like some glitchy NPC with emotional attachment issues.

It drove him insane.

Later that night, you strolled into his room, still glowing from the movie premiere, cheeks pink from fan praise. “Hey, babe,” you smiled, plopping onto his bed. “You okay?”

Idia gave you a look. A pained, dramatic, cursed look.

“You and Vil trended for six hours straight,” he said. “I think the internet proposed on our behalf.”

You blinked, then snorted. “You saw that, huh.”

“Oh I saw it,” he grumbled, pulling a hoodie over his head like a turtle. “Did you see the fanfic where Vil and you got married on stage after singing a love confession at the Tonys? Because I did.”

You leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You jealous?”

His hair flared magenta in an instant. “Wha—ME? No! What?! Pffft—That’s—Jealousy is a basic human emotion and I’m clearly more evolved—”

“I’m your duet partner in real life, you know.” You kissed his neck this time, slowly. “I like singing in your key the best.”

His mouth opened. Closed. He turned into a blubbering mess.

“You can’t just say that! I’ll short-circuit—”

“Sing with me then, Mr. Shroud,” you teased. “And remind me who I actually belong to.”

Idia.exe stopped working.

Vil may have been the co-star. But you? You always saved your best performances for him.

[misskingshit]

𝘋𝘶𝘥𝘦, 𝘴𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘶 summery: An F1 driver who doesn't understand how such a successful and beautiful young woman could be interested in him. Note: I don’t think I’ll ever be constant in here, I just don’t have the talent. Anyway I fucking love Daniel Riccardo and since F1 started again a couple weeks ago, this is what’s been on my mind. plus, Lando and yn are NOT actually siblings, they are besties. xoxo

It was finally happening, the last two years of your singing career had been crazy. You released your second album, filling stadiums, interviews all the time, songs having millions of views.

The dream.

yourusername

Liked by maggielindemann, landonorris and others

yourusername dangerous, out now. xx

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landonorris soooo proud of you sis :)

⤷ yourusername lov u bro 🥹

yourbestie THIS IS A BANGER!!!!!!!!!!!

⤷ yourusername love the dress u picked <3

yncontents she’s literally an angel

⤷ yourusername oh no u are🤍

⤷ yncontents OMG I LOVE YOU

randomuser1 i got a feeling this’ll be soo good

landonorris

Liked by yourusername, danielriccardo and others

landonorris race week and got to see my lil sis to celebrate her new song (in my dangerous era).

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yourusername lando coquette 💅🏼🎀

⤷ landonorris you turned me into this

user1 I want someone to look at me the way lando looks at daniel

⤷ user2 or someone that looks like daniel

❤️liked by yourusername

⤷ user2 omg not yn liking my comment lol

danielriccardo a talented girl and a heartbreaking song

⤷ yourusername aww thank u <3

⤷ landonorris don’t do that don’t flirt w my sis badger

It was supposed to be just another night at one of those fancy celebrity parties. The kind where everyone’s trying to look their best, casually sipping champagne and pretending they’re not counting down the minutes until they can leave. But this one felt different. Maybe it was because you’d just released your latest album, and the world seemed to be in love with every song. Or maybe it was because Lando Norris had promised you this was going to be a “good one” — a party with the right crowd. And Lando never steered you wrong.

As soon as you walked into the glitzy venue, your eyes immediately locked with his. There he was, in the middle of a conversation with someone, looking every bit the part of a Formula 1 driver. But Lando wasn’t the one who caught your attention.

It was Daniel Ricciardo.

He was leaning against the bar, looking very much like a man who knew how to have a good time, a wide grin on his face as he chatted with a couple of people. His eyes flickered toward you as you walked in, and you couldn’t help but feel like he was sizing you up. That cocky, confident smile? Yeah, it was definitely directed at you.

Lando, sensing something in the air, excused himself from his conversation and immediately made his way toward you.

"Having fun?" he asked, nudging you lightly with his elbow.

"Yeah, but something tells me I’m going to need a drink first," you joked, glancing back over to Daniel, whose attention had shifted fully to you now.

Lando rolled his eyes but smiled. "You should see the way Daniel looks at you. It’s like he’s met a unicorn."

You raised an eyebrow, playfully narrowing your gaze. "Really? Should I be flattered or concerned?"

Lando chuckled, tossing a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure Daniel wasn’t within earshot. "Honestly, he’s been begging me to introduce you for weeks. You know how he is—gets all excited about these things."

"Begging, huh?" You grinned, the idea of Daniel being starstruck by you — you of all people — was too hilarious to resist.

"Yeah. I didn’t think he’d be this persistent, but apparently he’s been stalking your Instagram and thinks you’re a legend."

Your eyes widened. "No way."

Lando shrugged. "I swear, I thought it was just a joke at first, but he's been all serious about it. It's kind of cute, honestly."

You smirked. "Alright, well, then I guess I have to go say hi."

Lando laughed and grabbed your arm gently as you began to walk toward Daniel. "Good luck. You’re on your own for this one."

As you made your way to the bar, Daniel’s smile grew when he saw you. You couldn’t help but feel a little thrill—he was the kind of guy who exuded energy, and you couldn’t deny the magnetism. You stopped just a few feet away from him, not wanting to seem too eager, but also not exactly holding back.

"Hey," you said with a playful tilt of your head. "Lando tells me you’ve been dying to meet me?"

Daniel’s grin widened. "I wouldn’t say ‘dying,’ but definitely really hoping we’d cross paths. I’m a huge fan of your music," he added, his tone smooth and easygoing. "And I’ve got to admit, you’re even more stunning in person."

You laughed, tilting your head in feigned modesty. "Well, that’s a hell of a compliment. But you’ve got to admit, you’ve got some serious swagger yourself."

He raised an eyebrow, leaning just a little closer, as if he was taking a good look at you. "I do try."

There was a beat of silence, where the chemistry between the two of you was almost palpable. The playful banter was just the beginning, but you could feel the tension brewing beneath it.

"So, Daniel Ricciardo," you said, eyes glinting with mischief. "How long have you been a fan of mine? Or are you just into famous singers?"

He chuckled, taking a sip from his drink. "Well, I don’t usually admit it, but I’ve been a fan of yours for a while now. That last album? Hit every note."

You smiled, feeling that warm flush creep up your neck. "Good to know I’m doing something right." You paused before adding, "So, Lando told me you’re the persistent type. How much convincing did it take for him to get us in the same room?"

He leaned in a little closer, the playful glint in his eyes never faltering. "A little bit of begging, a lot of persistence, and maybe some flattery." He tilted his head as if to study you. "Did it work?"

You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head. "I think it worked a little too well."

Before either of you could say anything else, a group of paparazzi cameras flashed in the distance, and you instinctively turned toward them, your smile becoming more natural. As you did, Daniel took a small step forward, closing the gap between you two. His hand found its way to the small of your back, pulling you in just enough for your bodies to align.

The flash of the cameras grew more frantic, and with one final look between you two, Daniel leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss that felt like it had been building for ages. It wasn’t slow or soft. It was intense, charged with the kind of raw chemistry that made the world around you fade away.

You were so caught up in the kiss that you barely registered the flash of the cameras, the snaps echoing as if the world had stopped. The moment felt endless, each second like a rush of adrenaline, and when you pulled away, your lips tingled with the energy of it all.

Daniel’s breath was just as heavy as yours, a wide grin plastered on his face. "Guess we’re making headlines tonight," he said, his voice low, but dripping with excitement.

You laughed breathlessly, a blush spreading across your face as the cameras continued to flash. "Well, that’s one way to make a first impression."

The crowd around you went wild with whispers and excited chatter. And as you stood there, staring at Daniel, you knew this was just the beginning of whatever this... thing between the two of you was.

[bluewxrld07]

Other Girl (Ethan Edwards)

Summary: Ethan’s longtime gf, Y/N, does the “pretend I’m another girl” Tik Tok trend

Warning(s): none :) just super cute

It was nearing to be late in the evening on a calm and breezy Thursday night, the sun still in the midst of setting across the horizon.

Y/N was sat on the couch in the UMich hockey house scrolling through her for you page, while Ethan was cooking them both dinner while humming softly to the country music he was playing in the background.

The other boys were either out on campus studying, at the bar or out with their own girlfriends, so they had the house to themselves for a while.

Y/N scrolls past a video where she watches a girl start taping and immediately gives her boyfriend zero seconds to adjust as she says to pretend she's another girl throwing herself at her boyfriend.

It made her laugh lightly at his reactions, watching how each one was funnier than the last.

Which gave her the idea to try out this same tactic, and see what Ethan would do in that scenario. It was her favorite thing to rope him into doing Tik Tok trends with her, not that he ever minded and was usually always intrigued by each one she brought to his attention.

She stands from her spot on the couch and begins walking into the kitchen, Ethan's back turned towards her as he is stirring whatever he is making into the pot, setting the spoon down after he finishes.

He turns and faces her, a warm smile coming to his face seeing his girl. "Hi baby," he mumbles when she walks into his open arms, giving her a chaste kiss. "We've still got a bit before it's done." he says.

She nods with a smile, backing away from his embrace. "Actually," she trails off and holds her phone up." I have a new Tik Tok I wanna do." she suggests, watching him raise a brow.

"Go on." he says and she points at him.

"I can't tell you otherwise it'll ruin the whole idea of it. So are you in?" she says, and he lets out a playful huff.

"I suppose," he jokingly says with a playful eyeball, and she smiles before setting up her camera and putting her phone against something to prevent it from falling over.

She presses play and turns to him. "Pretend I'm another girl!" she spurts out before throwing herself onto him.

Ethan's eyes widen before he goes into defense mode, and lets out a scream while pushing her away. "AYE!" He yells in a higher pitched tone. Y/N let's out a loud laugh before going towards him again.

"Hey you're pretty cute," she jokes as she goes to playfully caress his bicep. "Yeah and taken thank you." he says while karate chopping at her arms that kept trying to touch him. He then grabs the spoon and holds his arms up in a defense mode.

"You're going to just randomly have a giant spoon on you?" she laughs out, and he nods in triumph.

"I'm unpredictable woman, don't test me!" he says while playfully swatting her way. "Back you vile thing!"

Y/N is laughing uncontrollably at his moves, looking back to the camera for a second before looking back at him and trying again.

"Where's your girlfriend at? I don't see her." she says and he shakes his head.

"Don't have to, she's a witch. She already feels your presence near me because she's just that crazy for me."

"Ethan!"

"Agh she knows my name! Y/N get her away from me!" he plays along, playfully wiping away fake tears as he falls to his knees.

Y/N goes up to him to help him rise to his feet, only to be met with swatting motions from him as he lets out a high-pitched girl-like sounding squeal.

Once he stands, he tried to keep his amused face at bay to stay in his character.

Y/N goes to wrap herself around his torso, immediately getting a loud burp blown into her face making her revolt back from him.

She gives him a look of awe. "You are disguting!"

"Thank you! It's supposed to repel yucky people like you! my girlfriend would approve of my actions." he says with a proud look on his face. Y/N lets out a snort.

"You're sooo fine, omg! Can I get your number?" she trails off trying to wrap her arms around him, and he pushes her away with a disgusted face.

"MEN! I LIKE MEN! WHERE'S MY BOYFRIEND?! AGH HELP!" he dramatically yells out running away from her, disappearing from the camera, and it only seeing the spoon he throws her way go flying by.

Y/N snorts out a loud laugh as Ethan runs around the island, soon coming up around her as she crouches over in laughter at his ways.

"Okay, I'm done. I swear." Y/N says in between laughs, which causes Ethan to laugh behind her and wrap his arms around her waist. He presses a kiss to the side of her as she goes to grab her phone and stop recording the video.

"You're adorable, you know that?" he giggles into her hair, she posts the video and sets her phone down.

"Hey at least I know you're loyal af," she jokes, spinning around to face him while wrapping her arms around his neck. He smiles down at her.

"Why wouldn't I be? You're my special girl, my one and only. Nobody else would ever be able to deal with the chaotic creature I can be." he jokes, earning a chuckle from Y/N.

"I also know you'd go all Maddy from Euphoria type of crazy if I did something like that."

"Ethan!"

"Or maybe one of those witches that had voodoo dolls."

"Ethan Edwards!"

"I'm kidding!"

[young-waverer]

fic recs: 4/27 - 5/4

started working full-time again this week and yet........ fic recs under the cut

🚒 The Silence That Only Comes When Two People Understand Each Other by turningthepages rating: gen pairing: buck/eddie

Real love, true love was something that had to be shouted from the rooftops. Grand gestures, sweeping monologues, heartfelt ballads sang out at top volume… that was love. He knew that one day when he found the real thing it would topple him over from the sheer decibels it would hit. And it would be real. or Buck believes love is loud but he and Eddie fall in love quietly.

🚒 once more, with feeling by mercess | @spaceshipkat rating: explicit pairing: buck/eddie

Buck goes missing, and Eddie goes crazy. — Eddie came home expecting to step right into Buck’s open arms, to hear the soft gravel of his laugh, to finally fucking breathe for the first time since Chris walked out the front door and Buck held Eddie up with a hand on his shoulder. He expected to show up at Bobby and Athena’s new house tomorrow night for a welcome back party he wasn’t supposed to know of but had already heard about from Buck, Ravi (by accident, since he assumed Buck had already told Eddie), and Denny via Chris (he wanted to ask Chris what games he should bring over). He expected life to go back to normal, to how it used to be. Instead, all he has is a pit in his stomach and a lump in his throat and a heart beating too fast, even while he’s standing still. He doesn’t panic, but for Buck, he might take up the habit. “He’ll be okay, Eddie,” Bobby says, and when Eddie just hums noncommittally, he adds, “When have you ever not known him to be fine?” “You want a list?” Eddie jokes, though he actually does have one, and each bullet point carries an addendum that says Eddie wasn’t there to keep him safe.

🚒 In The Cracks Of Light, I Dreamed Of You by icewhisper rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

They bury Bobby on a Thursday and nothing feels real. (It’s not. Things haven’t been real for a while.)

🚒 ever falling, never landing by drh0rrible rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

“It’s Bobby.” Buck’s voice shakes. That isn’t unusual, it shakes often. Most of the time, it’s because he’s too excited and the words stutter and start like a scratched record, but almost as frequently, the cause is more emotional. Maddie kidnapped, Chris lost in the water, Chimney missing. There’s no mistaking this for excitement. “He’s dead.” Or: Eddie processes the immediate aftermath of the tragedy.

🚒 I hummed sweet relief by WillowFlycatcher | @hannimals rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

He lets his eyes scan over to this Buckley guy and they catch on the LAFD t-shirt. Interesting. He’s lean but pretty built, not surprising for a firefighter, and tall, all leg. Together, it’s giving the impression of a Ken doll, but somehow less punchable than Eddie would expect. He doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’d have no one to pick him up at the hospital. Then again, neither does Eddie, probably. And it’s not like he has no one. So Buckley’s probably got his own list, and his own reasons he can’t call anyone on it. Eddie’s got one thing he doesn’t, though: a really fucking stupid idea. Or: Eddie meets Buck in the ER and takes him home

🚒 Devour Me, My Love by giselleslash | @gigi-gigi rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

When Buck holds onto Eddie it quiets the noise and brings him back to himself. Eddie doesn’t want to need him, but he can’t stop. (basically Eddie being a freak about Buck. and then Buck being a freak right back)

🚒 If You Could See Yourself Like This by floatyourboat1997 rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

Buck points an accusing finger in his direction, surprising himself with how steady it is as it pierces the air between them. “You can’t be gay,” he states. Eddie scoffs. “I am gay, Buck. I’m gay. Frank and I spent, like, three weeks figuring it out-” Buck is still shaking his head. “No. You can’t be gay, because if you’re gay then that means I’m in love with you.” + In which Eddie and Buck navigate the nuances of realizing they might each be in love with their best friend, and a joint near death experience helps them bridge the gap.

🚒 face the burnin' heat by EiraLloyd rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

At Bobby's funeral, Buck witnesses Eddie punching Tommy right after Tommy says something particularly hurtful. Buck knows there has to be more to this than just anger—and it turns out, he's right.

🚒 Hospital Coffee by glorious_spoon | @glorious-spoon rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

"I—I keep thinking…" He couldn't finish. "Yeah," Eddie said. He rubbed at his jaw, sighed, shifted close enough to settle a hand on Buck's arm. "Hey, come on. We should probably get some sleep." And that sounded like the worst thing—the worst thing. Worse than those first nights alone in this house, worse than those nights at Abby's place after she left, worse than the couch at the loft after the ladder truck explosion, with his shattered leg throbbing and the whole vast empty future yawning out ahead of him.

🚒 this must be the place by becausebuckley | @becausebuckley rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

In the end, moving in with Buck is surprisingly easy.It still breaks Eddie’s brain a little to think about it like that. This is his house, has been his house for years, the best years of his life, probably. This is where Christopher grew up, the place they both call home still. And sure, Eddie’s been renting it all this time, so it might not technically be his, but it’s close enough, right?Close enough, except he moved all his belongings into a Uhaul and then into El fucking Paso, into what was supposed to be a fixer-upper and turned out to be some sort of haunted husk of a house with more problems than Eddie has hairs on his head, and now it’s not really home anymore, hasn’t been home for a while, except it also kind of never stopped. or: buck, eddie, and domesticity.

🚒 I've had just enough time by cathcer1984 rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

Buck and Eddie get hurt on the job.

🚒 'til our ribs get tough by hyruling | @hyruling rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

"You really didn’t have to get a whole bed just for me,” Buck adds, scratching the back of his neck. Eddie shrugs like it’s nothing, but there’s a faint flush on his cheeks. “It’s not—it’s a guest room. I would have gotten one anyway. For other guests too, so.”

🚒 in all my weakness by helikesyou rating: gen pairing: buck/eddie

Pins and needles swept down Eddie's arms and through the tips of his fingers in a flush of heat, then cold. Breath suddenly coming fast, he shook out his hands, starting to turn away, but not before Buck caught his shoulder, concerned. “Eddie, are you okay? You’re shaking.” Eddie looked down at himself. He was. Pretty violently, actually. “Huh. Yeah,” Eddie pulled in a breath, clenching his hands and releasing them, “must be banked adrenaline. I…I really thought I’d have to carry you out of here.” His throat tightened around the words. There was a buzzing in his ears. Panic, he realized, delayed panic.

🚒 rivers 'til i reach you by rosereddoors rating: not rated (~teen) pairing: buck/eddie

“Is it fucked up if I say I hate your parents?” Eddie huffs, as close to a laugh as he can get with how drained he feels right now. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate their kid-making ability. They made one of my favorite people, and you made my actual favorite person, but-“ Buck shrugs, “Still hate them on principle for everything else besides that.” At his words, Eddie feels a sharp tug in his chest, his heart leaping like it’s trying to reach LA and nestle beside Buck’s. (or: eddie moves back to el paso & finds his way back to himself in the process.)

🚒 a palm to my mouth by hyruling | @hyruling rating: explicit pairing: buck/eddie

Now, in the after, Eddie in his house is dangerous. Eddie in his house means walking on eggshells, means avoiding eye contact and physical contact and brushing off concerns with endless variations of I’m fine, I’m okay, I’m dealing, don’t worry. He is not any of the above. But if he lets Eddie know that, he’ll want to help, he’ll want Buck to tear down the walls he’s so carefully thrown up and let him in. And Buck can’t stand that, can’t risk that. But they’re burying Bobby tomorrow. And Buck’s slipping, the tentative at best control he had over himself is wearing thin, getting thinner with every hour that brings them closer to dawn. And Eddie’s just there throughout, watching him. Like he’s waiting for the inevitable.

🚒 in pursuit of good health by lightyears | @bisexualbellamyblake rating: mature pairing: buck/eddie

“Did you know that kissing is good for you?” Buck asks the question out of absolutely nowhere, and Eddie blinks as he tries to process the words. To be fair, it’s barely seven in the morning — on their day off, after Eddie’s night on the couch — and he’s yet to have the coffee that typically kicks his brain into action. Also, what? “Buck,” he says, rubbing at his eyes. “What?” Or: Eddie and Buck start platonically kissing.

🚒 sing to me instead by putanauhere | @putanauhere rating: explicit pairing: buck/eddie

He’s in the kitchen with the wives, though even the wives were there too, and the 118 are crowded together, stuffed onto a couch that doesn’t fit four, closer than they’ve ever been in more ways than anyone will be able to name.Not for the first time in his life, Eddie stands on the outside looking in. He can’t have this again, this family that he fell into - it’s a flash in the pan, lightning in a bottle. His new crew waits for him back in El Paso, a new collection of strangers he can't let himself get close to.Buck looks up and around, catching Eddie’s eyes when he finds where Eddie has gone. He moves his arm to the back of the couch, fingers reaching out in what looks like an invitation. Eddie stands in the kitchen and begs himself - take it, take it, take it. [Or coming together and coming apart in the days surrounding Bobby's funeral.]

🚒 I just want to keep this dream in me by flightlessmaddie rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

“Bobby?” Eddie asked. Silence filled the other side of the phone and Eddie felt something cold and dark slide down his chest, settling in his gut. “Bobby?” he repeated. A sob left Maddie. “Maddie,” Eddie pleaded. “Is Bobby okay?” ~ Eddie comes home after learning about the lab.

🚒 Tomorrow I'll Be Brave (You Make Me Brave) by serenelystrange rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

Buck pulls open the gate and rushes to the tree, gasping when he sees the crumpled form of a man there. He’s mostly horizontal, laying across the roots, blood soaking the grass beneath him. - In which Buck’s life in L.A. falls apart before it can even begin. He never expects an orange tree to be the thing that changes it all. And along the way, he falls in love!

🚒 i want to go home / but i am home by signetsealed | @gayeddieagenda rating: gen pairing: buck/eddie

This would be easier, Eddie thinks, if he were something to Buck. -- Eddie comes to stay with Buck for the funeral.

🚒 Buck, Bald, and Bedazzled by Excalipurr, pinkpeachtea rating: teen pairing: buck/eddie

Reluctantly, Buck peels the hoodie off, not daring to look at the two of them while he does so. And then, he waits. For sixteen exact seconds, there is absolute silence. “So, hmm…” Maddie starts at second number seventeen. “How do you feel about beanies?” Buck groans, covering his face with his hands. “Oh my god, that bad?” or: Buck shaves his head (it seemed like a better idea ten minutes ago)

🚒 i looked at your face & i knew that i’d found it by fleetinghearts | @shitouttabuck rating: gen pairing: buck/eddie

“Well,” Ravi says, taking a step back from the vic with his hands on his hips. The woman blinks up at him balefully, arm still stuck in the boot on her car tire where she’d tried doing… something to get it off. Ravi grins at her, and then at Buck, and oh no. “Lucky for you, ma’am, we have a professional boot remover right here with us today. Eddie, care to offer any advice?” Eddie’s head whips up from where he’d been rummaging through the med kit. His brow is furrowed in confusion, giving Buck a desperate three seconds before he processes Ravi’s words. It’s hardly his fault, right? It’s not like it was a secret, and he didn’t expect Ravi to trot it out like a funny and totally not illegal anecdote. Also, he was drunk. Also, at that point he’d kinda been forcing himself to accept the fact that Eddie might never come back to LA. Much less be singled out in front of their coworkers like this. So, surely he’s absolved of all responsibility in sharing this story, even if Eddie, post-three seconds of brain buffering, is glaring a hole in the side of Buck’s head right now. or, it might be just slightly obvious that buck really, really likes to talk about eddie

🚒 i'll be your hands, i'll be your spine by dershoimvik rating: gen pairing: buck/eddie

But Eddie saved him, too. Bobby mentioned it only once.   The night after the funeral, Eddie and Buck can't really talk about it.

🚒 Cool and Chill Things to Say to Your Best Friend Who You’ve Accidentally Been Having Phone Sex With When You Pick Him Up at the Airport by hwaelweg | @the-hwaelweg rating: mature pairing: buck/eddie

Eddie shows up to arrivals 30 minutes before Buck’s flight is even due and paces the luggage carousals like a caged tiger. He runs through various greetings in his head: Hey Buck, great to see you or maybe Long time no see Buckley or Hey handsome, didja miss me. No definitely not that one. He’s suddenly arrested by the idea that Buck might try to kiss him. Oh god, what if he does and Eddie’s entirely fallen out of practice and doesn’t remember how mouths work? What if Eddie’s secretly a terrible kisser and no one’s told him? What if the minute they touch they realize the chemistry is terrible? What if it’s awkward and horrible and Buck just says— “Eddie?” Or, in which we explore the intimacy of having someone's voice in your ear, accidentally falling into phone sex, and edging Eddie Diaz until he can admit he's a good person.

🚒 Chartreuse Marriage by rainbowninja167 rating: gen pairing: buck/eddie

"Run that by me one more time?" “Buck and I got married yesterday,” Eddie repeated, as calm as he’d been the first three times he’d said it. “So we’re officially disclosing our relationship to the LAFD.” Bobby ran an exhausted hand across his eyes. “Yeah, that’s what I thought you said.” Eddie learns what Tommy said to Buck after their hookup and reacts like any normal best friend would.

🚒 maybe this time, I'll be yours, you'll be mine by Elgney rating: gen pairing: buck/eddie

“Are you homophobic?” “What?” “Will you be my boyfriend?” “Yes,” Eddie answered, automatically, even though his mind had volunteered several other pressing questions, like what are you talking about and what is happening and did I recently sustain brain damage. “Thanks,” said Buckley, and then he pushed Eddie back against the side of the firetruck and kissed him. — It's the 63rd Annual Los Angeles Fire Muster & Firefighter’s Family Day, and inter-station relations are about to get real friendly between stations 6 and 118.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

medialog april 2k25

ok first of all i just want to say that a few years ago i decided i would start always counting months monday to sunday, four weeks with a few fives, and this year april was a 5-week month, so this is actually not late and also that’s why thunderbolts, a movie i saw on may 4th, is on my april list (because i am a crazy person). ok anyway

books

toni morrison, playing in the dark: whiteness and the literary imagination — obviously great, but what i appreciated most about it was the way that morrison takes pains to clarify that her present interest is in the literary uses of blackness in american literature — its place in the toolbox of american writers — separate from the question of whether or not such and such author/book “is” racist. i am similarly very interest in projects that explore this kind of question from a formal, aesthetic perspective, which is not to say a depoliticized one but to observe that politics makes it known formally and aesthetically as much as it does didactically. there are much more interesting things to say about this stuff than “that’s racist” even though the existence of this phenomenon is of course inseparable from racism.

jennette mccurdy, i’m glad my mother is dead — as good as you’ve heard, and then some. often genuinely quite brutal to read, but told with a clarity and lightness (sometimes even a bracing and dark sense of humor!) that speaks both to what must have been enormous psychoemotional work on mccurdy’s part and to a real command of what she wants to say, which is in some ways the most moving aspect of the book—she talks about writing being a desire authentic to her, one her mother stifled, and it’s really gratifying to see proof in the book you’re reading that she’s good at it. she’s really deft with what details to include, and with the way that she writes her own present-tense first-person perspective in a way that never outpaces her own understanding at a given point in the narrative but still makes it unmistakable for the reader exactly what’s going on. also contains some of the most unflinching writing about EDs — across the spectrum — that i’ve read.

f. scott fitzgerald, tender is the night — i’ve said my piece on this already but: changed me as a person, forged me as a writer, the most gorgeously written book in the english language, weirder and more complicated and funnier than i remember every time i go back to it, never fails to move me profoundly in the closing sequence

suzanne collins, sunrise on the reaping — i just like the hunger games… i think objectively this is probably the weakest of the series because it’s basically the same as the first book but while haymitch is quite lovable especially given the affection readers will bring from his role in the OG trilogy, and while collins’s knack for sketching instantly memorable and likable characters that it’s really fucked up to watch die remains intact, there is just no competing with katniss, as perfectly constructed a protagonist as children’s lit has ever seen. but i read it in like three days and it was so sad and fucked up it almost made my tummy hurt (there’s one scene in particular i have to imagine will be toned down for the screen adaptation…) and the post-series epilogue made me cry for real lmao.

elif batuman, the idiot — i guess this book does what it sets out to do but wow i just could not care about this person or the “events” that “happened” (generous use of the words) at any point in this book at all. i actually also finished this one in three days but it was because i was so bored that i couldn’t bear the idea of waking up over and over in a world where i still had more of this book to read. i just didn’t care about anyone or anything or find the prose or scenes pleasurable in any way except for like 3 times one of which was that really funny line about eating a baguette where she’s like “the baguette required ear muscles i had lost in two million years of evolution,” that was great. but overall i was just not on the wavelength. i also was very annoyed by batuman’s use of repetition for comedic (...?) effect / pseudonaturalism (...?)... i didn’t find it funny or convincing and i noticed it really early so it just felt like a tic and every time she did it again i was like ENOUGH ALREADY.

david carr, the night of the gun: a reporter investigates the darkest story of his life. his own. — i like addiction memoirs because i have always felt a very profound “there but for the grace of god go i” resonance with substance abuse and i tend to find them oddly relatable despite never being even a moderately heavy user of literally anything. i also like stuff about the unreliability of memory. so i was the target demo for this book more or less and my review should not be taken as objective, but i thought this was pretty great. two anecdotes that sort of boil down this book’s deal: (1) there’s a part early on where he says something like “would you like my story if i said i was a fat thug who dealt bad coke and beat women? what if i said i was a father of two in recovery who had gotten sober to raise my twin girls? well both are true, so.” (2) the incident that spurred him into final rehab/full sobriety* for real was not the birth of his twin daughters but the night he left them in the backseat of the car to go get cocaine… which he remembered as both taking place shortly after their spring births and being cold enough to dress them in their snowsuits, a contradiction resolved when his brother reminded him he had in fact spent several months shooting cocaine while theoretically being a father. (*asterisk because this also includes, unusually in recovery memoirs, a section about his later relapse into alcoholism.) if that sounds like a guy you want to read a book about you’d probably like it too!

charles king, every valley: the desperate lives and troubled times that made handel’s messiah — this is one of those books that sort of uses one thing as a hook to take us on a little historical tour, in this case messiah acting as the excuse to lead us around 18th century england (mostly), its deranged political climate, its mix of enlightenment philosophy and often miserable living conditions sprinkled with steady outbursts of violence, its theater scene (including a truly bananas series of events surrounding suzannah arne, who makes her way in because she was one of the soloists in the first performances of messiah). i don’t care too much about this period in this place and i did kinda want a slightly deeper dive into messiah itself, but i had fun. i particularly appreciated the inclusion of the story of ayuba diallo, an educated and wealthy west african who got kidnapped into slavery on the way to doing some slave trading of his own and somehow talked his way out of it, becoming a bit of a british curiosity before heading home, no more antislavery than he left but having talked the royal african company into offering a ransom option for enslaved muslims… fascinating stuff.

george eliot, silas marner — i just feel like maybe no one has ever understood human psychology and behavior better than eliot did… this book is quite short (less than 200 pages) and its length and the clockwork nature of its plot give it the feel of a fable or a parable, but it’s so astonishingly dense with how many observations about the ways people can be she works into her sweet little story of redemption. she’s just such a warm, funny, wise narrator, it’s wonderful to be allowed to see the world the way she sees it… and it’s crazy that this book is a century and a half old, describing a world old-fashioned by the time it was published, and soooo many little moments, reactions, etc. feel so timeless and modern and fresh… like dolly telling silas “oh don’t bother to buy her baby clothes, she’ll outgrow them right away, i have some hand-me-downs you can use,” a conversation probably happening all over the world right now. this book also has some of the best writing i’ve ever seen about how great it is to hang out with a baby… at one point the baby pouts for her shoes to be removed and then after silas takes them off “baby was at once happily occupied with the primary mystery of her own toes, inviting silas, with much chuckling, to consider the mystery too.” like… that’s so real… babies literally do love to ponder the mystery of their own toes…!

george saunders, tenth of december — HELL YEAH FUCKIN RIGHT!!! finally i came across a story collection i actively enjoyed reading… saunders is weird and inventive and fun and funny and interestingly moralistic (not a criticism), and really above all i just loved reading his voice, i would have let him take me anywhere. i think my favorite story was the collection opener “victory lap,” which introduces to a pollyanna-ish young girl and then has her get child abducted… but is not remotely a story about how her sunny worldview is proven wrong. i was really pleased and moved by that. but honestly i enjoyed reading every story in the book. great stuff! wonderful times!

jenny offill, dept. of speculation — this was alright. i thought the writing was pretty good and i basically enjoyed it on a sentence level — it’s a novel told in short little bursts of prose, not even vignettes really, some almost aphoristic, and some of these were real knockouts in terms of being poignant or unexpected or funny. and i more or less liked reading the day to day observational stuff, the chapter about the actual horror of bedbugs, the early parenting material… unfortunately i was not compelled at all by the actual plot, which hinges on the disruption and subsequent repair of the marriage after the husband’s affair… some of my best friends are adultery novels but this one made me feel like the people who complain they are tired of litfic about professors and affairs (the protagonist is a writer/creative writing professor which… also a hard sell tbh. this is just not as interesting as writers want it to be). it also really had me like… man, the standards for men are so low it’s crazy… he fucks some girl at work or whatever and then we never like actually see him putting in any effort whatsoever into fixing things, we’re told she has to drag everything out of him in couples therapy, and then the thing that fixes it is they move out of brooklyn to the country…? girl stand up… i just did not buy the emotional resolution of this story at all even a little bit and i truly feel like to do so you have to have internalized a certain psychological weight and depth to the concept of “marriage” which is inseparable from having the most minimal emotional standards in the world for men. all that said i did find the format creatively/artistically stimulating to think about and potentially useful to tuck away thoughts about for the future.

david grann, killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the FBI — this was really good and also (appropriately) incredibly upsetting. grann is a clean and thoughtful writer and he tells an incredibly compelling narrative about a series of acts beyond comprehension in the depth of their evil. he also makes a point of citing osage historians & writers repeatedly, which i appreciated. i always feel guilty about finding the investigative/procedural side of stuff fascinating but well… it was…. as was the stuff about hoover’s reforms & ambitions and the case’s role as early PR buzz for the FBI (including an episode of their radio show about it… yikes!). what is most devastating is what the final portion of the book is dedicated to, which is the reality that after william hale was convicted, the FBI considered the case closed even though hale had not been conclusively linked to all 24 victims of the “reign of terror”… grann traces how his own attempt to learn more from the record about one of the potentially unsolved cases leads to the realization that the scope of white people killing osage indians for their oil money certainly extends far beyond those 24 names, and he does such a good job of articulating the psychic toll that takes on a community for generations that i had to put the last couple chapters down a few times to take some breaths.

movies

the long kiss goodnight - this is a very weird and badly directed movie where geena davis plays an amnesiac who has hired samuel l. jackson to investigate her past and then it turns out she is a CIA agent which makes this the second movie i have seen where brian cox plays a fed in charge of an amnesiac assassin for the US government… i’d only have two nickels etc. the thing that really sinks this i think is that the director just does not understand shane black’s sense of humor at all or have the mastery necessary to walk the tonal tightrope necessitated by the script… but its badness does highlight how fun it is to watch jackson do anything

vanilla sky - weird movie but weird in a way where it’s like a strange high-concept premise with a deliberately confusing middle portion but it’s directed by cameron crowe who’s like the least weird man alive so it’s very normal feeling in a way that feels at odds with its central project…? bold to cast tom cruise at his peak and hide his face under a weird serial killer mask or post-car-crash disfigurement make-up for much of the runtime… his hair looks incredible and also freakishly like that of squall from final fantasy viii. i guess it was fine

companion - please put yellowjackets out of its misery after season 4 so sophie thatcher can go make a million silly horror movies for me to see her in <3 her AND harvey guillén, with a surprise jaboukie appearance? incredibly star-studded cast for the niche demographic of people who live in my apartment. don’t expect it to be any smarter than it needs to be but i had a lot of fun!

jack reacher - tom cruise… i actually don’t know how to classify this. i was going to say spy movie but it’s not really that… there’s some action but it’s not an action movie… but it’s too action heavy to be a legal thriller… i guess just a regular thriller? ish? rosamund pike… honestly might have been miscast but i love watching her so i don’t really mind. one time the mission impossible podcast guys said something about how mcquarrie lights skin in rogue nation and i did find myself watching this thinking everyone’s skin looks great (not great like “great skin” great like “i like the way you put this skin on screen” oh my god that sounds like serial killer language w/e you know what i mean)

the usual suspects - i wanted to watch this mostly because i’m so fascinated by the fac that christopher mcquarrie won an oscar for this screenplay and then couldn’t get a movie made for eight years and now he’s professionally tom cruise’s director more or less. ummm it was alright. the twist was spoiled for me by the key and peele cat poster sketch years ago but was still fun to watch. benicio del toro is sooooo good in every second he’s on screen i needed 300% more of him

high school musical 2 - this movie is crazy lmao the “we spent more than twelve dollars on it this time” vibes are off the charts both in the general look of the movie (which is clearly still a disney channel movie but like… a way more expensive one) and the choreo/group numbers, which have been beefed the fuck UP. the gay brother plays a piano in a pool??? watched this as the first one kinda sotned with one friend who was a fellow novice and two younger millennial friends who sang along with every song except the crazy fake hawaiian racist ashley tisdale number in the middle which they had completely blocked from memory. 10/10 viewing experience no notes

sinners - SLAAAAAPPED. really beautiful to look at for almost the whole time, insanely well-acted, creative and clever and, can’t emphasize this enough, so much more historically grounded than a hollywood product almost ever is… there’s like actual ideas here and they’re connected to reality and they’re expressed in interesting and compelling ways through the metaphorical valence of a pretty sick-ass vampire movie. the final fight scene is a little weak compared to everything else and there were a few points where i was like “ok i get it”... but i really fucking loved living in the world of this movie.

thunderbolts - idk guys… this one really worked for me… i loved bucky as like everybody else’s trauma elder… i loved every single thing florence pugh did in this film… i loved lewis pullman’s twitchy pathetic wet cat vibe and the concept of a character in a superhero movie whose whole deal is that he is seriously, actually incredibly unwell… the yelena/red guardian family stuff here worked way better than it did in black widow (one scene made me cry lol)… no laser lightning fights at ALL… they went as unflashy as possible with some of the effects in ways that made them actually much more effective… unbelievably funny gag in the ending credits art… JLD funny… geraldine viswanathan there??? but also all i ever wanted from these dumbass movies was for them to use silly superhero stuff to tell unsubtle stories about big human feelings and this one marries the content and theme about as well as the MCU’s ever done it, IMO, and definitely the best since before endgame. again there’s a reason despite falling very out of love with the MCU i have never changed my icon on this, a blog i started because i couldn’t shut the fuck up about bucky barnes, so i am not an objective observer here… but i had a great time at the movies

television

the white lotus (s3) - i’m like the only person on earth who hated s2 and therefore had zero expectations going into s3 and so i sort of agree with all the complaints that boil down to “this show is kind of dumb” but didn’t actually mind any of the dumbness at any time. public act of service IMO to introduce gen z to parker posey

yellowjackets (s3) - it’s actually crazy how fucking shitty and bad and stupid and horrible and inane and dumb this season of television was considering how much i loved the show before… like i’ve just never seen anything like it some of the all-time worst writing in the history of the screen. unbelievably bad. surreally bad.

daredevil: born again (s1) - idk fine i guess? reminded me that i did always find charlie cox as matt murdock a really charming performance but in a way where i wished he was in a show i liked rather than one that was… fine. i never made it past season 1 of the netflix series but well it wasn’t homework for two separate ringer podcasts back then so i’ll probably tune in for s2 to access that sweet sweet Content

currently watching: andor, which it turns out everyone on earth correctly identified as Good Actually; we picked up cheers as a chillout sitcom watch and it really makes going to work in a bar where you and your boss sexually harass each other all day look sooooooo appealing

music

had an off month for music bc i started feeling overstimulated generally and couldn’t listen to any music at all for a while and then my phone broke… so not a lot of albums this month. but i have a bunch loaded on to a playlist and am tentatively optimistic about resuming my albums era! (finding my bluetooth headphones would help though.) this month’s single is this gorgeous track by debby friday which starts out light and trancey and goes in a sort of caroline-polacheck-remix-of-everything-is-romantic direction and just soars really beautifully:

ALT BLK ERA, rave immortal - loud & dumb & fun! they’re already wearing out their welcome but i enjoyed it

alisa xayalith, slow crush - i really loved her single “what the hell do we do now” but the album didn’t quite live up to its promise… pretty but mostly forgettable although a couple tracks might stick around

ZORA, Z D A Y - zora’s first 2025 album back in jan was the first new release i really loved and is still one of my faves of the year so i was very disappointed that this one was kind of a miss for me… not sure if it was rushed or if she’s just doing a different vibe but it felt very half-assed and forgettable

Btrickz, 80’z - a charming 11 minutes of chatty-sounding hispanophone rap, not my fave kind of thing but a cool vibe

[remimibanana]

Episode 5 Thoughts!

I watched Episode 5 and I wanted to share my thoughts about it!

All under the cut!

WHAT THE FUCK

SERIOUSLY WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THIS EPISODE

HOLY SHIT

We started off with Neville monologuing about himself and how no one wants his virus that makes Gears berserk boo hoo. The visuals were amazing, seeing Sin Overture’s outfit, Sol’s Holy Order outfit and Ky’s Xrd look made me very happy!

Then, we learn that Unika IS actually from the future, sent by his past self with the completed virus. Time travel isn’t a new thing, but it’s impressive how this random guy managed to do it. He’s probably using Axl as the medium for it.

Speaking of Axl…is he good? We haven’t seen him for a while.

Unika leaves Bridget after a final chat, heading back to where her father is. I’m glad to see her asking questions for herself, standing up for the innocents. Although it seemed that he was never going to actually destroy Illyria.

Sin and Frederick then bust into the place, and they all start fighting as usual. I like how Johnny and Baiken suddenly appear once again alongside Jack-O’, it truly isn’t Guilty Gear without it.

The crazy shit happens after this.

I FUCKING KNEW THAT HANDSHAKE MEANT MORE THAN IT DID I KNEW IT

THAT FUCKER NEVILLE INJECTED HIS VIRUS INTO BOTH DIZZY AND SIN AND THEN SHOT AN ACCELERANT TO ACTIVATE IT IN SIN AND HE GOES FUCKING BERSERK

AND TELLS ALL THE GEARS TO KILL THEMSELVES LIKE WHAT THE FUCK MAN

WE SEE TESTAMENT FUCKING DYING BRO AND DR PARADIGM LIKE WHAT

AND AND IT DOESN’T END HERE

WE SEE UNIKA ALSO BEING AFFECTED BY SIN’S COMMAND AND SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY EVEN THOUGH SHE’S HURTING I’M SORRY MAN THEY ANIMATED HER EMOTIONS SO WELL

UNIKA IS SIN’S YOUNGER SISTER I WAS FUCKING RIGHT THEY ARE RELATED AND SHE IS A GEAR (to nobody’s surprise)

MEANING SHE’S A COMMAND TYPE GEAR SAME AS SIN AND SHE’S SENDING A COMMAND FOR THE GEARS TO LIVE

WHICH CAUSES THE SECOND CRUSADES IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE THE GEARS SHIT THEMSELVES BETWEEN THE TWO COMMANDS

HOLY SHIT MAN

THE VISUALS ARE INSANE HERE LIKE SIN LOOKS SCARY AS FUCK

AND THAT FUCKER NEVILLE’S FUTURE SELF COMES TO THE PAST AND EATS HIS PAST SELF LIKE WHAT THE HELL MAN CANNIBALISM OUT OF NOWHERE??????

THEN THEN SIN TURNS TO FIGHT FREDERICK AND THE REST AND WINS???? EVERYONE IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT LIKE WHATTTTTT IT’S JUSTICE ALL OVER AGAIN

EXCEPT FREDERICK CAN’T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE HE DOESN’T HAVE THE FLAME OF CORRUPTION ANYMORE SO HIS CURRENT POWER CAN’T DO SHIT AGAINST SIN THE KING OF GEARS

AND THEN SIN AND UNIKA ARE GOING TO FIGHT UNTIL THE DEATH BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE OPPOSING COMMANDS AND ARE LITERALLY KING AND QUEEN IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS EPISODE

Okay…okay…I’m calm…

Sorry for my outburst there.

This is my new favourite episode so far and I have no idea how it will go down….how will they make me wait a whole week to see what happens….

This is the peak Guilty Gear I live for. THE LORE IS WHAT I LIVE FOR AAAAAAAAAAA—

[jesuistrestriste]

patrick who's going away on tour so he trains art to be a perfect replacement so that youre still getting fucked right while he's away. jerking art off to porn of the kinks he knows you like so he's into it as well. I'm begging you to match my freak here.

ooooh absolutely

art’s been given a list of very specific instructions on how to fuck you like pat does. he’s, like, very reluctant to follow through because he feels like it’s ‘degrading’ to treat you the way his friend does, but he made a promise.

so instead of kissing you gently, a hand on your cheek while he lets you lead, he kisses you hungrily. sloppily. licks at the inside of your mouth and holds your lower jaw in his grasp as he devours you the way only patrick would. swallows down your little noises that slip out, muffling them with his tongue in the next moment.

and instead of fucking you in missionary and holding your hand like he wants to, he flips you onto your tummy and holds your hips. he slaps your ass when you arch it up into his pelvis; squeezes the soft flesh right after the impact. art doesn’t want to enjoy the way you yelp and whine when he’s rough, but he does.

instead of giving you slow, even, tender thrusts while he gazes down into your eyes, he bucks against the backside of your form like he’s starved for your pretty insides. pummels the deepest parts of you the best he can while you squirm and squirt over his aching cock. emphasizes each roll of his body with a growled ‘fuck’.

… and instead of whimpering and moaning in your ear about how beautiful you are, and how amazing you feel, and how lucky he is to be able to have you in this way, he says what he’s been instructed to say. leans down over your back, still messily stirring up your guts and filling you with blurts of his precome, and groans into the back of your neck.

“that’s it… just like that, you filthy little thing… you like when i fuck you like this? yeah? yeah, i know you do…”

“come on, you can be louder than that.. beg for my cock and maybe i’ll let you cream on it..”

“fuckkk, my god, you’re so fucking tight— ungh! ‘m gonna- ‘m g’na cum, oh g-god, i’m fucking— i’m gonna cum— gonna fill you up—beg for my load, baby, ohhh fuckkk—“

his dick kicks against your walls as he slams himself balls-deep inside and then shudders over you, spilling rope after rope of his release into your greedy hole. he lets out a series of anguished cries like a depraved animal, his fingers digging into your waist.

normally, it’d be too much for art to continue. he gets far too sensitive to go for a second round so soon, but.. again, he made a promise.

and patrick told him that you’re never satisfied until you’ve milked him. so he trembles and whines and puts the facade back on before he lets his overstimulated cock swell back to life inside of you.

he’d never wanna do anything to disappoint his best friend. he’s gonna give you everything he has.

it’s what pat would want.

[ceramicbeetle]

tryingggg to decide what augustus and the changeling dress up as for halloween

[narugen]

okay if hoshina gets promoted to captain status in another division i will literally be so sad but it would be extremely fitting if he ends up nurturing a whole batch of recruits/an entire division through his kindness.. passing on the warmth that his captain showed him when they first met.. ough

[seenoweevil]

Something about a professors ability to take a project so personal and exciting and turn it into the most soulless uninspiring project you’ve ever done

[rafesangelita]

This idea has been stick in my head but I don’t got the skills to execute it.

Rafe dating a reader he calls “Angel” bc despite growing up with Rafe reader somehow has never done half of the crazy shit Rafe did. So reader is quite literally one of the few good thing going for him.

Until *dundundun*

Someone at a party convinces reader to try some drugs (Rafe as the controlling bastard he is, though that’s a good? thing in this case, doesn’t let reader do anything that isn’t weed) because Rafe must get tired of being around someone innocent. But when Rafe finds out what’s been done he’s rightfully pissed that someone tried to taint his angel.

warnings: childhood friends to lovers, drug use, peer pressure, coercion, manipulation, slight angst, crying, fighting, rafe is very overprotective, a little bit of rough handling, reader is described to be innocent and kind of sheltered, light fluff, reader freaks out when she realizes she’s high, reassurance + comfort

wc: 1.3k

‘innocent little y/n’— that’s what everyone called you when you were growing up. you never lied, you never stole, you were actually a tattletale and everyone hated you for it. because of that, no one ever wanted to be your friend, all except for rafe who had no idea why he felt the overwhelming need to protect you and keep you tucked into his side where you were ‘safe and sound’ from anyone who wanted to tease or be mean to you. it was rather easy since you found yourself following him around everywhere anyways.

your dynamic changed when you two got older and he had another threat to worry about that he didn’t have once before; and that was boys. he remembered hearing some of his friends talk about you in a way that had him throwing punches and getting suspended. once ward threatened him with military school on the mainland, he decided that the only way people with ulterior motives and sick and twisted minds would back off was if he stook his claim on you and let everyone know that you were his. and of course.. it worked.

no one knew how on god’s green earth you two ended up together. rafe was a hothead with a drug habit to match, and you were just there; oblivious to it all. you didn’t know anything about rafe’s little problem since he never did any lines or took rips from a bong in front of you. except for one time when he unintentionally got you high when you two were boxed in his truck and he decided to smoke since ward was on his ass and he needed it. he didn’t snap until he looked over at you and saw you spaced out, your eyes red and glossy as you played with the ends of your hair.

rafe was quick to throw out his joint before fanning the air and rolling down the windows. for the next hour he had to deal with your nonstop giggling and even went as far as getting you snacks from the food mart in a poor attempt to shut you up. “would you quit it already?!” he scolded you every time you tried to feed him whatever sweet you had in between your fingers. rafe vowed from that night forward that weed was the only thing he’d ever let you get high on. fortunately, he never smoked in front of you again and didn’t have to worry about that problem— until now.

“do you really think rafe wants to be with someone who’s boring? a little bit of blow isn’t the end of the world, angel.” topper scooted closer to you on the couch, making sure to throw in the nickname rafe has had for you since you were kids. “i’m not boring..” you crossed your arms over your chest once you saw the way topper eyed your cleavage, your eyes searching the room for any sign of rafe. “you sure about that? why do you think rafe never does his shit in front of you? it’s cause you’re a fucking buzz kill.” topper opened up the tiny baggy of powder, a smug grin spreading across his lips once he saw you peer down in curiosity.

“rafe is a pretty crazy dude, wouldn’t he want a break from all of this ‘innocent’ shit? i bet you he’s no where to be found right now because he’s talking to another girl who actually knows how to have a good time.” he scoffed, his words making your eyes water. “just try it, baby, i think rafe would love to see you bouncing off of the walls for once,” topper opened the baggy, scooping some of the substance up with his pinky, “and you wanna know something else? this shit makes you go all fucking night long. rafe would definitely appreciate that..” you eyed topper’s hand as he brought it up to your eye level.

“i don’t know—” you backed away slightly before his fingertips were nudging your lips. “yes you do know, just snort it, come on,” you kept moving away until your back hit the armrest of the couch. topper had his pinky directly under your nostril, a sense of panic flooding your system as you attempted to turn your face away. topper only followed, cursing a ‘just fucking snort it already!’ before you succumbed and gave the substance the lightest sniff you could muster. in seconds, you screwed your eyes shut tight, the crunching sound of bone meeting bone making you yelp once you realized rafe’s fist planted into the side of topper’s face.

topper was immediately rendered unconscious, the partygoers nearby all gasping in unison. rafe grabbed your face, inspecting you quickly before he spotted the coke residue on the tip of your nose. “that sorry motherfucker..” he gritted his teeth, his vision growing blind with white hot anger. despite topper’s unconscious state, rafe still punched him until he drew blood, kelce, along with some of his other friends stepping in before things could get worse. “he’s down already bro, that’s enough!” kelce shouted, your boyfriend swatting away all of their hands until they were able to get him off.

getting out of their grip, rafe wasted no time in dragging you up by your arm, your legs shaking as he lead you two out of the crowded house and to his truck. “let me see you.” he pulled out his phone, flashing the light on your face. your pupils were blown to shit, your teeth clattering as you shivered in the chilly night air. “fuck, baby..” he felt guilty beyond words for thinking stepping away to get another drink— even if it was for a quick second, that leaving you alone was a good idea. “rafe, my heart is beating really fast!” you cried, grabbing his hand and placing it over your chest as your face twisted in horror.

“i know, i know, just try to stay calm, angel.” he placed you in the passenger seat, clicking your seatbelt in place before rushing around and peeling off in the direction of home. you were sweating now and panting as if you had just ran a marathon. rafe felt utterly helpless, the scared look etched into your usual soft and happy features made his gut wrench. he swore he would never do a line again even if his tolerance was already up there from years of experience. he hated seeing you like this. “he wouldn’t stop getting close to me, i didn’t know what else to do!” your leg was bouncing, your fingertips itching to move in anyway you could.

“don’t worry, we’re almost home.” he reassured you, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles before you could panic any further. once you two were in the driveway, rafe rushed you both inside, quickly starting a cold shower and cleaning you up. neither of you went to sleep until your high subsided a few hours later. during that time, rafe made you push down a lot of water along with eating something so you weren’t on an empty stomach. “everything is okay, alright?” rafe held you in his arms, a small hum sounding from your lips before you drifted off into a much needed slumber.

rafe watched you sleep and he couldn’t help but think of everything after this incident occurred. you were the only person in his life that wasn’t tainted in any way. the only good thing he had going for him. he couldn’t handle the thought of topper forcing his way over you and you sitting there helplessly, hoping he’d turn up soon. the thought made his fists clench again as he recalled the confused yet relieved look on your face once he was in your view. he made a promise to never leave you alone like that ever again.

gone were the days of attending pointless parties..

[xoxojisu]

"LALALALA"

synopsis: yapper reader x listener katsuki. in which you finally get to see katsuki!

notes: grumpy x sunshine also. basically just yap yap yap reader and bro stfu katsuki. based on some prompt i remember seeing forever ago. deviating from my usual 'reader and katsuki childhood friends go to ua tg' bc this is such a cute idea

the field is buzzing, students from different hero schools gathering in small groups and instructors calling out over the noise generating quite the racket. there’s tension, excitement, and a bit of rivalry in the air. class 1-a stands off to the side, eyes scanning the new arrivals. bakugo stands isolated from the group with his arms crossed, mouth already in a deep scowl.

he hates group exercises. hates surprise training simulations. hates-

“katsuki!!”

and then it happens.

a blur comes flying in from the other side of the field. he hears it before he sees it, and by the time he turns his head, it’s too late. you launch yourself at him from behind, tackling him in a full-body hug that actually makes him take a step forward. his body tenses immediately, hands twitching instinctively like he might throw you off-

but he doesn’t. he would never.

“kats! kats!” you giggle, climbing halfway up his back like he’s your personal jungle gym. you hook your chin over his shoulder, big goofy grin stretching across your face as you hug him tight. “hi!!”

there’s a long pause. bakugo doesn’t move. doesn’t shout. doesn’t blow anything up. the whole world stills in suspense.

eventually, he sighs, a hint of a not-angry expression present on his face. "hi."

“uh… are we… seeing this?” kirishima says under his breath, eyes wide.

“kats, i swear, it feels like it’s been forever since i’ve seen you! i mean, seriously, how is it that we’re both doing this hero thing and still barely getting any time to hang out? it’s like the universe just hates us or something. i’ve been stuck in this crazy hellfire intensity training like all week, and it’s not even the fun kind, it’s just endless drills and lectures and like ugh ohmygod, i’m so over it. anyway, i missed you kats!! how are you? healthy? well? making friends? wait, who am i kidding. youre definitely healthy because youre like a health-conscious old man, and definitely no friends."

you’re talking so fast he doesn’t have time to respond to anything. he just stares down at you, not saying a word or moving an inch.

eventually, he reaches out, drops a heavy hand onto your head, and mutters, “shut up.”

you beam like he just handed you flowers. “there he is,” you giggle, grabbing his arm and hugging it to your chest. “so grumpy. so cute. i miiiissed you!”

he grumbles something pissy under his breath, but makes no move to pull away.

aizawa’s voice cuts through the air. “pair off.”

despite you already hanging on him, bakugo grabs you immediately. “we’re teaming up.”

“wait, what?” mina says from behind him. “you’re not gonna work with us?”

“we’re teaming up,” he snaps again, louder this time, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“but you always-”

“shut up. all of you. shut. the fuck. up.”

you’re already bouncing beside him, eyes bright. “oh my god, kats, i have so many ideas. okay, okay—what if you blow a hole in the wall and you know how i texted you last week about that new feature on my costume? i could use that to- wait! or we could climb over the roof and-”

“you talk too much,” he mutters, dragging you along gently despite his annoyed expression.

“you love it,” you sing, completely unbothered.

he doesn’t answer.

but the tiniest corner of his mouth tugs up.

masterlist

[waitimcomingtoo]

I’ll Cry If I Want To

Pairing: enemies to lovers!Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Synopsis: you get stood up on your birthday and Peter attempts to cheer you up despite your feud

Masterlist

Peter walked into the kitchen in the tower and was immediately greeted by a confetti popper exploding in his face followed by a tender kiss on the forehead from Tony.

“Oh, my. Good morning to me.” Peter smiled at the greeting.

“Damn it, Parker.” Tony groaned. “I thought you were my little girl.”

“Don’t feel bad, daddy. A lot of people confuse Peter for a little girl.” You said as you walked into the kitchen behind Peter. The two of you made eye contact and you gave him an innocent smile while he rolled his eyes at you.

“Ha ha.“ He said sarcastically and then hissed at you like a cat. You gave him a look as you walked over to your dad.

“Happy birthday, baby girl.” Tony said and pulled you into a long hug.

“Thank you, daddy.” You smiled and hugged him back.

“Thank you, daddy.” Peter said in a high pitched voice to mock you. You and Tony looked at him and he quickly cleared his throat.

“Sorry. What I meant to say was, happy birthday. I didn’t know that was today. I mean, I’d been wondering why you looked so old but I assumed it was from your lack of sunscreen use.”

“Nice try. I wear sunscreen everyday.” You replied.

“Really?” He gasped. “Might want to up that SPF a few. You look like a crumbled piece of paper and not in a fun Taylor Swift way.”

“Don’t talk to me about skincare, Rudolf.” You snapped and tapped your nose twice to point out the zit on the tip of Peter nose. He covered it with his hand and narrowed his eyes at you.

“Children, please. No fighting. It stops my moisturizer from sinking in.” Tony sighed and rubbed circles into his skin.

“Sorry, daddy. I just wanted to make sure Peter knew about the giant pimple on his nose in case he was going to see anyone today.” You said as you smiled sweetly at Peter. He discreetly flipped you off by scratching his cheek with his middle finger.

“Any plans for the night, jelly bean?” Tony asked you.

“Nothing crazy. My friends are coming over later for a sleepover.”

“Oh God. Is this gonna be one of those crazy parties where you all get drunk and things get out of hand and you accidentally kill someone and have to dispose of the body together while hijixs ensues?” Peter. whined.

“No, because this isn’t one of the pornos you watch.” You scoffed.

“Pfft. That is not what I watch.” He insisted. “Where would I even find something like that? What would I even type? I’m open to suggestions.”

“Shut up.” You laughed. “You’re such a weirdo. And don’t be hanging around when my friends are here. I already told them you’re a pervert and on the FBI watch list so you don’t have a chance with any of them.”

“I don’t want to date your freakbob friends anyway.” He scoffed. “And to keep it down tonight, will you? I already wake up the birds chirping every morning. I don’t want to hear you birds all night too.”

“I actually came up with a solution for that. What if you killed yourself?” You asked through a smile.

“That’s a great idea. I might give that a whirl today if I’m not busy.” He replied and matched your smile.

“You? Busy?” You laughed. “Please. Busy doing what?”

“Peter and I are gonna be in the lab doing boring stuff with the suits. Adjustments, additions, and what have you.” Tony answered you.

“Oh. Okay. Do you need any help?” You asked.

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that on your birthday, baby girl. Peters got it.” Tony replied, making your smile falter a little.

“Yeah. I’ve got it.” Peter boasted and gave you a smug look. You glared at him for a moment before looking back at your dad.

“I’ll catch you later for some cake, okay honey bun?” Tony told you before kissing your forehead.

“Okay. Bye. Have fun.” You smiled sadly as he left the room.

“You look greasy, by the way.” Peter said once you were alone.

“Like I care what you think. Even your hairline won’t stay with you.” You scoffed and nodded towards his forehead.

“It’s not actually receding, is it?” He asked and touched his hair.

“Maybe your forehead is just getting bigger.” You shrugged and popped a grape in your mouth from the bowl on the table.

“Bite me.” He replied and stopped touching his hair.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You chuckled. “Isn’t that how you got your powers, spider boy?”

“Yup. What do you think would happen if you bite me? Would I be able to a do anything a total bitch can?” He wondered, making you pelt a grape at him. He caught it with ease and popped it into his mouth.

“Watch your mouth before I bring out the peppermint essential oils again.” You warned him.

“You wouldn’t.” He said quietly.

“Try me.” You shrugged. You stared at each other across the kitchen for a moment before Peter gave up.

“You win. Here’s your card. Happy birthday, gaylord.” He said as he handed you a homemade birthday card from his jeans pocket before quickly running out of the room. You rolled your eyes at him but smiled once he was gone and read the card. As annoying as you normally found him, you appreciated that he remembered your birthday. Inside the card was a crude drawing of the two of you fighting next to a drawing of a gift card to Planet Fitness.

Peter strolled into your bedroom around 10 pm when he had grown curious as to why your friends weren’t there yet. It was getting kind of late and you had listed many activities that you had planned to do while Peter begrudgingly listened to you talk earlier in the day. You were still in your room by yourself so he went in and knocked on your door to see what was happening.

“Hey dingus. When are your dumb friends getting here? I need to know when I should jam my ears with scissors.” Peter said as he leaned against your doorway. You were sitting on your bed with your knees draw to your chest and your chin resting on top of them as you stared out the window.

“Do that anyway.” You mumbled and didn’t move from your position.

“I’m going to. I can’t listen to you all yap about when Reputation TV is coming all night. And your friend Stacy’s theories are always way off.” He continued. You still didn’t turn to look at him and his smirk dropped when he heard a sniffle. He frowned and took a step into your room.

“Hello? I knew you were dumb but did you forget how to turn your neck or something?” He said to try to make you laugh. You stayed still and he craned his neck to try to see your face.

“Seriously though, when are they coming?”

“They’re not coming.” You said finally in a horse voice.

“Why? What happened? Did they finally realize you’re an annoying brat whose only redeeming quality is access to daddy’s credit card?” Peter teased in another attempt to make you laugh.

“Something like that.” You mumbled. Peter frowned and finally realized that something was actually wrong. He sat down on your bed and reached his hand out.

“Whats going on? Are you okay?” He asked in a soft voice.

“Just go away.” You said sadly and wiped tears from your face. Peter shot a web at a tissue box on your dresser and pulled it over.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.” He said and handed you a tissue. You gave him a skeptical look and he held up one hand in defense while waving the tissue in the other like a white flag. You sighed and took the tissue before wiping your eyes.

“They found out it wasn’t a yacht party or at some fancy restaurant or some elitist club in Tribeca so they all cancelled.“ You said as you nervously ripped the tissue up in your hands.

“They cancelled? Why?”

“Because no one wants to come to my party. They want to come to a Stark Industries party with puppies in the gift bags and acrobats suspended from the ceiling and Avengers walking around like party clowns. Just hanging out with me wasn’t cool enough so they all bailed.” You sniffled and turned back to look out the window. Peter raised his hand to place it on your shoulder but then drew it back. He didn’t know if he was who you’d want to comfort you and he didn’t want to push it.

“I’m sorry.” He said instead.

“Like you care.” You laughed sadly and held your knees tighter to your chest.

“I do care.” He insisted. “And I’m very sorry this happened to you tonight.”

“No you’re not.” You scoffed. “You’re probably thrilled to see me like this. This is probably the greatest moment of your dumb life.”

“It’s not.” He said quietly. You finally whipped around to look at Peter and he saw the pain in your red eyes.

“It’s not? Look at me, Peter. I’m pathetic. I’m alone on my birthday because I wasn’t good enough for anyone to hang out with.” You exclaimed. Peter went quiet as you slowly caught your breath. You teased each other all the time but you’d never actually yelled at him before. You wiped your eyes with the tissue before staring at your hands.

“You were right.” You said quietly. “I am just a spoiled brat who people only like because of my connections. And I’m sure you’re anxiously waiting for me to shut up so you can say “I told you so” and prove to me once again that I’m always wrong.”

You and Peter sat in silence for a minute without looking at each other. Peter felt guilty that you were expecting him to kick you while you were down. You were feeling your own guilt for snapping at him when he was trying to be nice.

“I’m not gonna say that.” He said after a beat.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Just go away.” You said miserably and turned back to the window. Peter opened his mouth to say something but shut it when he couldn’t find the words. He patted your shoulder twice before getting up and leaving your room. You turned to look at the door once he was gone and felt yourself missing his presence. You turned back to the window and stared out at the night sky through your teary eyes and let time pass.

After a while, you started to smell something. You sniffed the air until you recognized it as the scent of a something burning. Out of sheer curiosity, you wrapped a blanket around your shoulders and padded into the kitchen. You found Peter in the kitchen with a lace trimmed pink apron tied around his waist and flour smeared on his cheek. You smiled in surprise and leaned against the wall to watch him for a minute. He was humming to himself a song you didn’t recognize while scrapping a burnt black lump of something into the trash can. When he finally turned around, he jumped when he saw you.

“Jesus. You scared me. But I guess I should’ve known the smell of something baking would have your big back running to the kitchen like I hit the bat signal.”

“Shut up.” You chuckled. “What are you doing in here?”

“Well, your parents went to a movie since they thought your friends would be here. That means no ones home.” Peter began.

“And?” You asked.

“And so I thought we could fulfill a lifelong fantasy of mine and making sweet love to you on the kitchen counter.” He smiled suavely and raised his eyebrows at you.

“Excuse me?” Your jaw dropped as he drummed his fingertips on the counter.

“I’m joking. I’m clearly baking a bake. Or, I tried. I guess 500 degrees was too hot.” He said and looked at the burnt cake in the trash.

“Yeah, that’s a few hundred above what it should be. But why are you baking? We have a chef for that.”

“Because it’s your birthday you miserable bitch. And everyone deserves a cake baked with love. Now do you prefer chocolate or vanilla frosting on your burnt cake?” He asked and held up two cans of frosting. You looked between the two before your eyes settled on him. You hugged your blanket tighter around yourself and shook your head.

“I don’t want your pity.” You said quietly.

“You don’t have it so shut up and grab a spatula before I rescind your choice in the matter and funfetti the fuck out of this cake.” He replied and held out a spatula. You stared at it and felt compelled to take it and join him, but you were still throwing yourself a pity party.

“No.”

“No? Look, I’m trying to cheer your dumb ass up so can you please work with me here?” Peter sighed and looked at you. You stared at him for a while before cracking the slightest smile. He noticed the smile and knew he had succeeded in his plan to cheer you up.

“Fine. But I’m not eating that. That’s what Santa puts in the bad kids stockings. We’ll make a new one. But I’m not touching raw eggs.” You told him and grabbed your dad’s matching pink apron from the drawer.

“I wouldn’t expect you to, Princess.” Peter mumbled under his breath. You glared at him through your lashes as you threw some flour and sugar into a bowl. Peter went to put the butter in but you pushed his hand away.

“It can’t be cold butter or it won’t mix properly. It has to be room temperature.” You explained as you filled a measuring cup with water.

“Oh. Let’s pop it in the microwave then.”

“We can’t do that either. Then the hot butter will scramble the eggs. Do you want little egg bits in your cake?” You asked him as you microwaved the cup of water for a minute.

“Maybe just a little.” Peter replied as he watched you put the butter into a small bowl and then place the bowl on top of the microwaved water.

“There. This will soften the butter without making it hot enough to scramble the eggs.” You explained. He looked between your little invention and you for a minute before smiling.

“Wow. That was really smart.” He said genuinely. “Women really do belong in the kitchen.”

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes as you set the temperature to the correct heat on the oven. Peter couldn’t help but watch you over his shoulder as you combined the rest of the dry ingredients and expertly cracked an egg in one hand. He rarely got to see you like this, no makeup and in lounge clothes. And he definitely never saw you upset before. He was used to the perfectly groomed and standoffish version of yourself so this change of pace brought him unexpected joy.

“Move over. That’s not how you mix batter. You need to fold it.” You told him and reminded him of the you he knew. You bumped him with your hip and put your hands over his to help him fold the batter.

“Like laundry?” He asked as his cheeks heated up.

“Like you know what laundry is, Pigpen. And no. A different folding. Like this.” You said and helped him mix the batter until it was the desired consistency.

“Oh wow. That worked really well. I usually just go sicko mode until it turns into goop.” He confessed.

“And how does that work out for you?” You asked him.

“Look in the trash and you’ll find out.” Peter replied and eyed the burnt cake in the garbage can. You playfully rolled your eyes at him and kept helping him fold the batter. Everytime he tried to stir the batter, you gently corrected his hands to fold it instead.

“Why don’t you just do it?” He asked when he started getting frustrated with himself.

“Because you won’t learn if I do it.” You replied in a softer tone. Peter went quiet since you were being unexpectedly nice to him. You let the batter sit for minute once you were satisfied and then poured in into a cake pan.

“There. Thats gonna take about 30 minutes to bake and then it needs to cool before we frost it.” You told him as you shut the oven door.

“Oh, so we have 30 minutes? Then circling back to that making love on the counter idea-“

“Shut it.” You warned him. Peter pretended to zipper his lips and throw away the key. You cracked a smile before starting to clean up the kitchen. Peter wordlessly helped you tidy up and you exchanged a soft smile with each other in the silence of the kitchen.

“What was your worst birthday?” You asked after a long beat of silence.

“Are you talking to me?” Peter asked after looking around.

“Peter, we’re the only ones in the room.”

“Sorry. It’s not like you’ve ever asked me a personal question before. It’s usually “are you stupid?” or “can you go away?” or “do you need a tampon cry baby?” He recalled, making you feel bad for always being so mean to him.

“Oh. Sorry about that.” You said quietly. “I sound a lot meaner than I thought I was.”

“I’m mean too.” Peter shrugged.

“You tease me.” You shook your head. “I’m just cruel.”

“I think we are an equal amount of mean to each other. Don’t let it keep you up at night. I’m sure your chronic yeast infections do that enough.” Peter tried to lighten the mood, but you didn’t crack a smile. You seemed faraway in thought and he was curious as to why.

“Do you think I’m hard to be around?” You asked after a minute. Peter was about to crack another joke until he saw the look on your face. He could tell you needed a friend right now and was filled with determination to be one.

“No. I think those girls you called your “friends” are hard to be around.” He said seriously. “I’ve seen you with them. They’re the mean ones. Them bailing tonight has nothing to do with you. They’re a bunch of shallow jerks who only care about the material things in life. They don’t care about having deep connections with people. They only care about deep pockets on people. I know this isn’t the first time they’ve ditched you. And I know you feel alone even when they are here because you’re never fully included. You think no one notices because you tell stories about your charming adventures together but I see it in your eyes. They make you feel like an afterthought. You act tough and pretend it doesn’t bother you but I know that it does. You shouldn’t hang out with them anymore.”

“Then who am I going to hang out with?” You shrugged sadly. “Without them, I don’t have any friends.”

“Sitting alone is better than sitting at a table where you’re the topic of conversation when you get up.” Peter said simply. You stared at him for a moment before your eyes fell to the floor.

“I just don’t want to be alone.” You said quietly. Peter nodded his head in understanding and let a silence fall between the two of for a while. He was going to say that you wouldn’t be alone because you’d have him, but he didn’t know if you wanted to hear that.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked.

“No.” You said immediately. You made eye contact and you let out a sigh.

“Okay. Go ahead.”

“Why don’t you like me?” He asked without looking into our eyes. You saw that coming and stared at him to try and get a sense of what was going on in his head. He slowly looked back up at you and gave you a weak smile.

“Do you remember that time the power went out in the city due to that Max guy or whatever and we all lit candles and hung out in the tower?”

“Uh oh.” Peter gulped. “You answered my question with another question. That can’t be good.”

“Shut up. Do you remember or not?” You asked and gently kicked his foot with your foot.

“I remember that.” He told you and held your gaze.

“You were new around here. You had just gotten your powers that year so I didn’t really know you yet. I had gone to look for more candles and found you crying on the floor of the linen closet.

“I remember that.” He nodded. “It was all so overwhelming to be here with the whole team. I had never felt so small.”

“I know. I told you I felt like that too sometimes. And then we stayed up for hours talking about every stupid thing we ever worried about and gave each other advice. I think at one point I gave you advice on how much conditioner to use.” You said as you replayed the night in your memory. You had a look on your face that Peter had never seen on you before. It was natural and relaxed and playful, all things he knew to be the opposite of you. It was so rare that the two of you were getting along and he didn’t want to do anything to ruin in.

“A dime sized amount and not on the roots. I still use that advice.” He chuckled. “You were so nice to me that night. You came in and pretended I wasn’t crying so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed. You just sat down with me and started talking ad if we’d always been friends. You quieted all my fears that night. I was initially so embarrassed about it but then I felt a lot better knowing someone had my back no matter how bad I messed up.”

“I always had your back.” You insisted. “Even when I was mean to you. If you were in trouble with my dad, I was always here talking him down and trying to get him to see your side. He sees you through the lense of his child that he doesn’t want hurt but I’ve always seen you as a hero who wants to help. I even got him to give you the suit back when you were 15. And it was my idea to put the warmers in because you told me you’re always cold.”

“Really? You were rooting for me this whole time?” He cracked a smile in surprise.

“Yeah.” You shrugged. “Always.”

“Then how come you act like…” Peter trailed off in fear of insulting you.

“Like what?” You asked, sounding like you already knew what was coming.

“Like you hate me.” He admitted. You felt your face burn in embarrassment and shook your head.

“I don’t hate you.” You said sheepishly.

“You don’t?” He asked in genuine surprise. You looked at him and he could see the guilt in your eyes even in the dim light of the kitchen.

“No. I don’t. I never did.”

“Then how come we don’t get along anymore?” He asked. He had only gone along with all the teasing since you began it, but he had always wondered why it started.

“One of the things we had talked about that night was how my one regret about being homeschooled was never getting to experience a prom. I told you had dreamed of it since I was a little girl and it broke my heart to know I’d never have one. So then you said…” You trailed off, thinking he’d remember what he told you. His face showed no sign of remembering it but he racked his brain anyway.

“I said what?” He asked, breaking your heart just a little more.

“You promised to take me. To yours.” You told him. You and Peter stood in silence for a moment before he burst out laughing. Your sadness immediately hardened into anger at the sound of him laughing at you.

“Wait, you’ve been pissy towards me for the last few years because I broke a promise I made at 15 years old and didn’t take you to a stupid school dance?” Peter asked through a laugh. You glared at him for his reaction and he immediately stopped when he noticed you weren’t laughing too.

“Oh. We’re not laughing?” He asked.

“Why is that funny to you?” You snapped. Peter saw the moment slipping away from him and started to panic.

“Well I was- I was a kid.” He said simply. “I had a huge crush on this girl Liz and we were finally becoming friends so I asked her and she said yes. That was years after I promised you that. I’m sorry but I didn’t remember.”

Peter thought you were going to yell at him and hurl a parade of insults his way, but you just nodded your head and looked down at the ground.

“You’re right. We were just kids. Forget I said anything.” You mumbled and started walking towards the door to leave. Peter knew he had messed up big time and possibly just killed any and all chances of the two of you becoming friends.

“Wait.” He said desperately just as the kitchen timer went off. You stopped walking and watched him haphazardly take the cake out of the oven and throw it in the stove top as he blew on it.

“You should stay. We have to frost it.” He said with a weak smile and an even weaker attempt for you for stay.

“You can’t frost it while it’s hot. It’ll slip right off.” You said without looking at him.

“Oh. I didn’t know that. Well then do you want to talk some more or-“

“I have to go.” You cut him off and swiftly left the kitchen.

You went back to your room to resume the pouting you had started earlier. You felt guilty about walking out on Peter but it had hurt you to know that a promise that had meant a lot to you didn’t even stay in his memory. You stared out the window and sulked as you thought yourself into a deep rut. It didn’t take long for Peter to start making noise in the kitchen, interrupting your thought spiral. You heard things falling out of cabinets followed by Peter swearing. He bumbled around for a while and slowly drove you crazy with all the noise he was making until you couldn’t take it anymore. Just when you were about to text him and tell him the knock it off, you heard the dulcet sounds of “The Dancing Queen” coming from downstairs. You groaned in frustration and got out of bed to go downstairs and see what was happening.

When you got to the living room, Peter was standing there in one of your dad’s suits that hugged him a little too tightly around his muscles. The room looked like it had been decorated by a child with poorly hung streamers, ripped up construction paper to act as confetti, and bunches of webs that Peter had tried to shape into stars and moons. He had dimmed the lights and put a single bowl of chips on the counter, which he proudly stood beside.

“What the hell is this?” You asked him.

“Will you go to prom with me?” He asked with a huge smile.

“No.” You said immediately. “Please kill yourself.”

“I will.” He promised. “After one dance.”

“I’m not dancing with you. I’m not doing any of this.” You told him and turned to leave. You heard a “pst” right before feeling a web hit your back. Before you knew it, Peter tugged on the web and sent you stumbling back into Peter’s arms. He caught you with ease and winked when you landed in his arms. You rolled your eyes at him but felt a smile tugged at your lips.

“Please? Just one dance? Then I’ll let you go and hate me for the rest of your life.” He pleaded as he stared into your eyes. He looked so desperate that you found yourself nodding before you knew what you were agreeing to. He smiled in excitement and twirled you around before slowly swaying to the beat. You begrudgingly sighed and wrapped your arms around his neck while his stayed in a respectable place on your hips. You could feel his eyes on you but you kept yours on the ceiling.

“You can look at me, you know.” He teased, making you begrudgingly look him in the eyes.

“Oh. I almost forgot.” He smiled and pulled something out of his pocket. You looked down and saw a few poorly drawn flowers webbed to a rubber band.

“Your corsage, my lady.” He said as he slipped it onto your wrist.

“This is so stupid.” You laughed but secretly loved the thought he put into everything.

“It’s about to get even more stupid. Wait here.” He asked and quickly ran into the kitchen. He returned with one of Morgan’s plastic tiaras with a big fake gem in the center.

“Every prom needs its queen.” He said as he placed the crown on your head. You made eye contact as he stepped forward to adjust it and you felt your breath catch in your throat from how close he was.

“You didn’t have to do this.” You said quietly.

“Yes I did. I owed you a prom experience. I’m sorry I didn’t take you the first time. And I’m sorry for laughing at you. You just caught me off guard. I have spent many nights thinking of all the things I could have done to make you hate me. I genuinely forgot about that promise. I had no idea this entire time that you hated me because of prom.” He said as the two of you started swaying to the music again. You felt a feeling rise up in your chest, a feeling you hadn’t felt for Peter in many years.

“It wasn’t just the prom.” You admitted before you could think about it.

“It wasn’t? What else did I do? Did I hotbox the elevator with you in it or something?” He asked. “I did that to Wanda once and now she’ll show up in my dreams sometimes and make me pee the bed.”

“That’s disgusting.” You said flatly. “But no. It wasn’t that.”

“Then what?” He wondered.

“It’s stupid. You’ll just laugh again.”

“No I won’t.” He assured you. “Probably. I’ll definitely try really hard not to.

“Come on. Please tell me.” He pleaded and gave your hip a gentle squeeze. “You have to tell me now or I’ll become so annoying so quickly. I’ll be worse than those people who try to describe SNL skits to you and keep explaining even when it’s clearly only funny if you’re watching it.”

“I can’t tell you. It’s dumb anyway. Forget I said anything.” You said and hoped he’d drop it.

“It can’t be that dumb if it stood between us all these years. What, did you have a crush on me or something?” He laughed through his question. You went quiet and Peters eyes went wide.

“Oh shit. Did you have a crush on me?” He asked in a soft voice. You looked down at the ground to avoid having to look him in the eyes now that you were caught.

“I don’t know.” You sighed. “You were my age and had these cool powers and muscles and unexpected sense of humor. I was homeschooled and had swiped to the end of Tinder. You were my only option.”

“Oh. I see. So you only liked me because I was the only choice?” He said through a laugh but it hurt him. You could sense in his voice that you had just hurt his feelings and for once, that wasn’t what you wanted.

“I mean, not the only choice.” You added. “Cap used to hang around a lot more and he’s not the worst looking. But he’s like 500 so I never really had a chance.”

“Why me, then?” He wondered. You finally looked in to his eyes and shrugged a little.

“Because you were kind.” You admitted. “You didn’t need to take on as much as what you did at such a young age but you refused to do the easy stuff. You used to drive my dad crazy with how for you begged for assignments. You were so determined to get out there and save people, it was almost obnoxious. You were never content getting back stolen bikes. You always wanted to protect people from the big things. Even when you were just a kid. I liked that about you. I still do.”

“Still?” He gulped. “Even now?”

Before you could respond, the slow music that was playing ended and “Munch” started to blast from Peter phone. He scrambled to change the song but the moment had already been ruined.

“Sorry about that. I don’t know who put that on my playlist.” He quickly lied.

“It was you.”

“It was me, yeah.” He admitted and hung his head in shame. You stopped dancing and slowly withdrew your arms from him, making his heart sink.

“This was really sweet. Thank you, Peter.” You said genuinely. “I should probably get to bed now. I just want this day to end.”

“But we haven’t frosted the cake yet. It’s still your birthday. You can’t go to bed without any cake.” He said in a desperate attempt to get you to stay.

“I don’t know. It’s late.”

“Come on. It’ll be fast. That’s one of my powers. Spider can frost cake really fast and so can I.” He said and rushed over to the cake. He held it up and gave you a lopsided smile, convincing you to stay.

“Fine. Let’s make it fast.” You agreed and walked over to him. He smiled at you joining him and got out the frosting. He handed you a spatula and you started to frost the cake.

“You don’t have to keep wearing that if you don’t want.” Peter chuckled and went to take your crown off. You quickly swatted his hand and adjusted your crown.

“Back off. It’s mine.” You said and stepped away from him. He chuckled again and you laughed too.

“I really do appreciate everything you did for me tonight. I hope I can make it up to you one day.” You told him.

“You can make it up to me right now if we clear off this counter top and-“

“No.” You cut him off.

“Worth a try.” He mumbled.

“Really, though. You cheered me up tonight and I didn’t think that was possible.”

“In a way, I’m glad your stupid friends cancelled on you. It gave us an opportunity to spend time together. And this was the least I could do for not taking you to my real prom. Which was total buns, by the way. I missed most of it because I was putting my dates dad in jail.”

“Well I’m glad that didn’t happen tonight.” You laughed softly.

“Me either. I wish I took you to the first one. We could have been friends this whole time if I had just remembered my promise.” He sighed.

“It’s fine. It was a long time ago. I’m done moping about it. I’m ready to eat this cake and be friends from now on.”

“I’m ready for that too.” He smiled at you. “Especially the part about us being friends. But also for this cake because it’s kinda giving me a boner from how good it smells.”

“It does smell really good. I can’t even blame your boner. But if that thing even looks at me you’re getting impromptu gender reassignment surgery with this spatula.”

“Ouch.” He chuckled and looked over at you. He didn’t stop looking at you until you felt his eyes on you.

“What?” You laughed shyly.

“I can’t believe you ever liked me. And that this whole time, I had no idea. I am so not cool enough for a girl like you to like.”

“Yeah, well. It wasn’t like I dropped any hints.”

“Maybe not. It just doesn’t feel real. I wouldn’t believe it even if you weren’t always mean to me. You reciprocating my feelings was not something I ever thought would happen.”

“Reciprocating? You liked me too?” You asked as your mouth went dry.

“Are you kidding? You’re my mentors insanely hot and totally off limits daughter. Of course I liked you. Not to mention you’re funny, smart, good with a screwdriver and the apparently my biggest supporter. Though you did it in secret. Make no mistake, birthday girl. I had the biggest crush on you for years. Even when you were being mean to me.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.” You said quietly. You had your back to him as you washed your hands but you could feel his eyes on you. You peaked over your shoulder and sure enough, Peter’s eyes were locked on you. You gulped and turned back around when you heard him walking over to you.

“You know, as mean as your insults were, they were always clever. And you always looked good saying them. How could I not fall for you?” He said as he came up behind you. He was close enough that you could smell his cologne, along with a scent that was just distinctly Peter, making your heart pound in your ears. You turned around and leaned against the counter as you looked into his eyes.

“Well how do you feel now?” You asked with unwavering eye contact.

“I feel like those feelings never left.” He admitted. You had never heard such confidence in his voice and it was just the thing to tip the scales back in his favor.

“Hm. Interesting.” You shrugged and turned back around. It was almost like you could hear the disappointment in the air once you had your back to him again. You decided not to torture him forever and give in to what you both wanted.

“Peter?” You asked and looked over your shoulder at him.

“Yeah?”

“Clear the countertop.”

Tag List 🏷️

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[jinwoosbabyboo]

The First Meet Self-Aware!Sylus

Is it still kidnapping if you’re in love with him? Yes. It is. Welcome to the N109 Zone get comfortable baby

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Self-Aware!Sylus who can call anywhere home, but is becoming less and less interested in the N109 zone because you’re not there “Well you can’t come here” “Why not?” “You’re not real Sylus how would you come here?” he turns tapping his chin as if he's actually trying to figure out a way to access your world “You could come here”

Sylus wouldn’t out right say it, but he was desperate to have you in his arms it just never seemed possible. There was nothing either of you could do so you settled for a love that would end tragically because you just couldn’t let him go. You found yourself daydreaming constantly about spending your days with him. What it would be like to hold his hand instead of your phone. To caress his cheek and feel his warmth in the palm of your hand. You gave yourself butterflies just imagining him melting into your touch.

Just him.

“You’re spacing out Princess” You slightly jumped at the sound of his voice. You glanced down at the celery you were mindlessly chopping. “Shit I didn’t mean to dice it” You huffed and scraped it onto the pan anyway; there was no way you were going back to the store right now. You looked back at Sylus who was casually sitting on his couch watching a musical. Sometimes it really made you feel crazy seeing him like this. Not the in-game repeated movements that he was programmed to do, but fluid movement and everyday life activities. It really felt like you were talking to a person and not just code in a game. “What are you watching?”

Sylus hummed off key as he answered “Heathers” You giggled at the fact that the big bad Onychinus leader watches musicals in his living room during his free time. “You should join me” He glanced at you from the corner of his eye and smiled to himself like there was some inside joke you didn’t catch. “Only in our dreams” You smiled at him, but it was somber the reality of your relationship always made you a little sad yet here you were doing nothing to end it. You turned back to stir the vegetables you had sautéing because the last thing you need is for them to overcook.

That's when you heard the clearest voice in your ear “Just dreams?” You spun around rapidly flinging food in the process. Your heart pounded against your chest as you scanned the empty kitchen looking for any other sign of life. You immediately swapped out the spoon for the knife you had just minutes earlier. “Sylus please tell me you heard that”

Silence.

You glanced at your phone and saw that the screen was off. “Is there a fucking demon in my house right now?” You snatched your phone ready to call a friend to come over, but your efforts were thwarted when a band of silky red and black mist wrapped around your wrist wrenching you backwards. “I’ve been called worse”

You breath hitched causing you to choke on your own spit as you came face to face with Sylus. Are you going crazy? You struggled against his evol that felt like what you could only describe as smoke with density. “I must be hallucinating” You’ve imagined having this man in front of you for months, but you had no idea he would be this terrifying in person. It felt like you were standing before a hungry wolf that wouldn’t second guess snapping your neck. Why was his demeanor so damn scary? Before you could even process what was happening Sylus grabbed you buy the waist and pulled you close to him. “I’m sorry Princess but this is probably going to hurt”

“Wha-” Pain seared through you in an instant like lightning and fire at once. Your mouth fell open in a silent scream as it felt like your vocal cords were singed to a crisp. The pain was unbearable it changed from searing to pins and needles almost like little pieces of you were splitting apart. You couldn’t handle it and your vision went dark as you passed out.

You came too slowly, groaning as you stretched your limbs on a stiff mattress. You sat up slowly realizing you were fine. Rolling your shoulders and rubbing your legs you were sure whatever that was must have just been a terrible dream. Maybe? “I knew I was dreaming” you couldn’t explain the amount of pain you felt though. You turned and noticed instead of your usual view of your room you were looking out amongst a vast dark city. “Where-”

“What do you think?” a voice said in your ear causing your fight or flight to kick in. You pulled your legs under yourself and swung your fist as hard as you could in the direction of the voice. The person groaned at the contact and you reached for the nearest object you could find which was a lamp and swung it, but your wrist was caught mid air and you were disarmed with ease. Within seconds you were pinned down on the mattress.

Your eyes widened in shock when you realized who was holding you down “Sylus?” He was just as intimidating as he was in your dream. Or was it a dream? “You’re not dreaming” Sylus squeezed your wrist tightly “Ow stop stop it hurts” he raised an eyebrow as his lip quirked up “See?” You rolled your eyes he was way too amused with your reaction for your liking. “We need to work on that right hook of yours it's a little weak” He can’t be serious right now you just punched him in his jaw and tried to beat him over the head with a lamp and the first thing he thinks of is training your punches to get better? Typical.

Sylus couldn’t help but, chuckle at your expression with your brows furrowed and your lips curled in frustration. “I wish you could see yourself right now” You pushed his face away with your free hand irritated with him for causing you that much pain.

“I wish you would get a new mattress why is this bitch so stiff my fucking back hurts” You squirmed underneath him. He inhaled a sharp breath making you freeze realizing the position you were in; he was nestled perfectly between your legs with one hand pinned above your head. Suddenly there was a knock at the door “Boss we heard some commotion are you okay?” Sylus rolled his eyes “I’m fine. Leave.”

“Yes boss” The sound of footsteps retreated until there was silence again. Sylus looked down at you furrowing his brows, this time is was your turn to smirk. “Don’t say it” He warned. Your lips quivered as you tried to stop your smile from forming “Are those my boys?” Sylus gave you a bored look before rolling his eyes at you as well. “Do you know how hard it was to bring you here Princess? You’re more excited for Luke and Kieran than me” Sylus expression seemed irritated, but the look in his eyes was pouty. You had Sylus jealous of his own men now that was an ego boost. You squirmed in his hold again trying to free yourself. “This is a lot for me Sylus you have some explaining to do" You kicked your legs like a toddler trying to sit up once again "And let me get up your mattress is not comfortable!”

Sylus huffed at your commands, but of course he listened getting up and pulling you with him. He had you straddle his lap with his hands gently placed on your waist. “Is this more comfortable?” He leaned back against the headboard his eyes traveling up and down your body. Based on the look in his eyes it was almost as if even he couldn’t believe you were not only in front of him, but on top of him at the moment.

“No! w-well y-yea but-” You cut yourself off to save face. This man really had you stuttering like porky the pig. You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as best as you could. “How the actual fuck am I here right now Sylus”

“Energy manipulation is stronger than you think” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“If you turn something into pure energy it can travel wherever you want it to even into as you call it a game world” His words bounced around in your head as you tried to make sense of them. What does he mean energy can travel anywhere. Then it hit you. The searing pain, pins and needles, the black out. “You turned me into pure energy to bring me here?!” You screamed in his face.

“Something like that” He replied in a bored tone “The shopkeeper said it should only hurt the first time” You rubbed your temples just trying to stay calm, how were you supposed to be okay with the fact that you were seemingly ripped apart and put back together inside of a damn game. You felt Sylus shifting underneath you and his hands running up your sides. “Tell me” he tilted your chin down so he could look you in the eye. “Are you not happy to have me like this?” he wrapped his arms around your waist while he rested his chin on your chest. “I can hear your heart beating fast”

“Of course I'm happy to see you” You cradled his face in your hands and he immediately melted into your touch. It was even better than you imagined it would be. His eyes closed and you could feel the satisfying hum that rumbled in his chest. You stared in awe at the sight before you; he was really melting because of you. He opened his eyes and dropped his gaze to your lips causing them to part “Prove it.”

You didn’t need to be a genius to know he wanted a kiss. You two spend many nights talking about it. He made you promise that if you ever actually met him the first thing you would do is kiss him. That promise was clearly broken since the first thing you did was punch him in the face. His lips looked so soft and full you didn’t hesitate to lean in and Sylus met you half way. It lasted no longer than three seconds before you pulled away. “What's wrong?" You shook your head and looked away “Nothing you’re just making me nervous”

You had no time to prepare yourself as Sylus slammed you back on your back and pressed his lips to yours in a heated kiss. Your eyes bugged out of your head before slightly rolling back as you gave into him. He nipped at your bottom lip and shoved his tongue in when you opened up for him. You thought he would be more rough, but he was actually so gentle. He kissed you like he was trying to perfectly mold your mouth to only fit his. No more like it was already made to fit only him. You wrapped you arms around his neck and snaked one hand up the back of his head tugging the hair at the nape. He smiled against your lips “Do that again” he whispered, hooking your leg over his hip. You tugged even harder this time relishing in the satisfied groan he let out.

You could do this for hours, but you had too many questions. You pulled his head away trying to catch your breath. “We’re not done talking Sylus” He sucked his teeth and sighed heavily as he sat up. This time he didn’t pull you onto his lap he helped you sit up and fixed your shirt that was riding up from him almost removing it. “Ask your questions” He leaned back against the headboard with his arms crossed. You couldn’t help, but giggle at the slight pout he was failing to hide. "For starters where can we buy a softer mattress?"

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[malum-forev]

Eyes, They Never Lie

Summary: Sam and Bucky try to recruit (Y/N), Bucky's ex and a former Avenger who has left that life behind. But they realize her life has changed completely once they meet a her daughter with striking blue eyes.

Pairings: Bucky x Former!Avenger!Reader

“They want me to assemble a group,” Sam takes a long sip of his beer, thinking that it’ll do something to ease his mind. “The New Avengers.”

Bucky lets out a low whistle.

“I know.” Sam mutters. So far, it’s Captain America and the Falcon, but other than that, he’s completely lost. “Back when Steve was here, there was a place for us to go. We could aspire to one day go into the compound and train, but now, anyone who is willing to be part of the team is scattered all around the world.”

Bucky hasn’t said anything, not because he doesn’t know how to help his friend but because he’s so lost in his own journey. Running for congress sounded like a good idea, until he started dealing with the political world. So much bureaucracy, so many people wanting to fatten their wallets. And not enough actual helping.

“You got any ideas?” Sam asks, bringing him out of his mind.

But Bucky just hums, because the idea he does have is crazy.

“C’mon I know that being a silent watcher is your whole deal but I need some help over here. How the hell am I going to build a team from zero?”

Bucky finishes his drink, as if that’s going to help jumpstart his confidence. “Are you looking for fresh meat? Or do you got space for an old timer?”

Sam’s eyes widen. “I thought all your fighting days were behind you.”

“I want out,” Bucky loosens the tie on his neck. “I want to go out on the field again. Really help.”

Sam runs a hand down his face, there’s hesitation in the way he looks at Bucky. 

“Unless…” Bucky gulps. “Unless I’m not what you’re looking for.”

“No, no.” Sam places a hand on his shoulder. “I just need to tell you something before you say yes to this-“

“What is it?”

“I was-uh-“ Sam looks up at the screen above them, not wanting to look at his friend in the eye when he says it. “I was gonna ask her to join, too.”

“Oh,” Bucky can’t help but think back to when you were his, at least for a moment. Every time he thinks about being happy, you’re right there next to him. 

You were the first woman he was actually interested in. He spent years wasting time with thousands of women, letting them in his apartment but never into his heart. But your eyes reeled him in from the moment you started as an agent. Steve would always tease Bucky, saying he’d have to see you fall in love with someone else if he didn’t ask you out. 

Those were the best years of his life. No doubt.

Until you left. You retired, and wanted nothing to do with him. And all the love you had seemed to evaporate from one day to the next.

But Bucky? He was still waiting for you to come back. 

“I-I thought she disappeared, retired.” Bucky stutters at your memory. 

“I found out where she lives now. And I planned on talking her into the group.” Sam looks down at the beer in his hand.

“I’m in.” Bucky says, but he’ll never be sure if he accepted because he wanted out of the political world or if he wanted another glimpse of you. 

-------

“The house is supposed to be up the road.” Sam mutters, trying to find cel reception. But the two of them were so deep into the woods, it was almost impossible. 

Bucky had always imagined you’d end up like this. Off the grid, living off your land. But in the dream, the two of you would be together. He’d spend the day cutting wood and harvesting whatever you’d grown, and you’d be deep into a hobby, spending your nights recounting your wild life. 

They see an opening up the road, but as they come closer, their eyebrows knit together.

“This can’t be it.” Sam says under his breath.

A huge cabin, surrounded by pine trees, is the only thing around. There’s a big tree at the front of the cabin, with a tree house on one of its branches. A glittery pink bike on the lawn along with a replica of Mjolnir next to it.

Sam parks his truck and they both step out cautiously. Bucky looks around, wondering how the woman who used to scream at the sight of a spider could live here, all alone.

As they come closer to the front door, they hear rustling from the tree house.

Bucky nudges his friend’s shoulder. “There’s someone over here.” 

Sam’s head whips just enough to see a pair of binoculars looking at them from the wooden window. 

“Hello?” He calls out but there’s no answer.

“Do you live here?” Bucky asks, only to be slapped on the chest by his friend.

“You can’t ask that! It’s creepy!”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “How else am I supposed to get an answer if I don’t ask a question?” 

But there's no response from the person inside the tree house. Instead, there's clanking and banging and before they even realize it, there's a little girl pointing a bow and arrow directly at them.

"State your name! Now!" She tries to look menacing but her outfit is too much for the two men to handle. Sky blue rain boots with a purple tutu, a Def Leppard t-shirt and heart shaped sunglasses.

"Oh my god." Sam immediately melts. "Aren't you the cutest little thing I've ever seen."

But the little girl doesn't fall for the Captain's words, she points the arrow directly at Sam. "Don't make me repeat my question, I know how to use this."

"Do you live with an adult? Your aunt, maybe?" Bucky's throat dries up as he asks the question. He knew you had siblings before you went into the crazy line of work that were the Avengers, and he begged that the little girl before him was theirs.

Bucky spent hours thinking about you on the way here. He'd been dreaming of seeing you again, thinking of what must have changed and what stayed the same. But he never thought there was a possibility you had moved on.

"Is your-" Bucky clears his throat. "Is your dad home?"

Sam eyes his partner. "Smooth."

The little girl walks backwards until her back bumps into the cabin's front door. "I'll call my daddy."

Bucky's heart stops. After years, he was still thinking of you whenever his eyes closed, and you, you were completely over him. Started a family with someone else.

"I'm sorry, Buck." Sam pats his back, immediately noticing the shift in his friend's eyes.

"S'okay." Bucky mutters, grinding his combat boot into the ground. "I'm not here for her, I'm here to assemble the team."

"I know, but-"

"I said I'm fine." Bucky snaps, running a hand through his shorter hair.

You'd begged him, for years, to cut his hair.

"I love your long hair," you'd once murmured against his lips. "But I also love how you looked during the Howling Commandos era."

"Era? You're making me sound more old than I am." Bucky smiled against your lips.

"I'm just saying, you could shorten it." Whenever you looked into his eyes, it made him feel like he was the only thing in the world.

"I thought you liked pulling my hair." Bucky flipped you on the bed, taking in your bubbling laughter.

The creaking sound of the cabin door brought him back to now. Bucky sucks in air, preparing to meet the man who is apparently so incredible that you decided to drop everything to be with him.

He has to be at last six feet. Well I'm 6 foot 1, on a good day. Bucky responds to his own thoughts. And he must be jacked. Not as jacked as me, I'm the fucking Winter Soldier for fucks sake! He must love her. Well I, I've loved her every day since I met her.

It feels like it takes hours for this mystery man to come out. The door opens slowly, only to reveal... You.

Bucky's knees buckle as your eyes meet his. You hadn't changed a lick, and if he didn't know better, he'd think that you were still his. Bucky's hands ball into fists at his side, needing a physical reminder to not reach out and hold you. Beg for your kisses. Tell you he doesn't care that you left, just as long as you take him back.

"Sam? Bucky?" Your voice trembles. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

The little girl pokes her head from behind your legs. "Mommy!"

"Mommy?" Sam and Bucky shriek at the same time.

"Attack them! Take them down!" Your daughter laughs.

"Young lady!" You scold.

But the little girl interrupts you, raising a chubby hand to stop your words. "I've already told you my name is Tashi Romanoff."

"Tashi, please, go upstairs and play. I need to talk to them for a moment. In private." You enunciate your last two words, knowing they were her least favorite words in the world.

"Fine," she huffs, turning on her heels. But not before taking off her rain boots and heart shaped sunglasses to reveal a pair of striking eyes. Clear blue with a steel ring surrounding her iris. Bucky's brows furrow as he catches a glimpse of Tashi's eyes, almost the same exact shade as the one he sports.

"W-wai-She's-" Bucky stutters out, not being able to comprehend what just happened.

"Tashi, huh?" Sam raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah, she’s going through a phase where she refuses to be called by her name," you close the door behind you. "Auntie Nat came to visit us during the blip and she just latched on to her."

"W-was her dad blipped?" Bucky tries to act normal but his heart is beating out of his chest.

"Her dad isn't in the picture." You cross your arms. "She was a surprise."

"So-uh-so that means." Bucky points between him and the house. Not being able to get the words out. "There's no way that."

"She's not yours, Barnes." You roll your eyes at your ex boyfriend.

"But she-her eyes." He blinks.

"There are a lot of guys with blue eyes out there." You let out a light laugh. It was strangely easy for you to slip into how things were, teasing and sharing laughs was the base of your relationship with Bucky. But now, so much time has passed, and you're definitely not the same person you were back then.

"What are you guys doing here?" You look down at the floor as you ask the question.

"Someone out there has created a mind controlling substance that puts everyone in danger. And we need to stop him. We found his lab and we got some of the vials but we need your help taking him down." Sam says but you're shaking your head before he even has time to finish. "I want to form a group. The world needs us again."

"Look, Sam, I appreciate you going through all the trouble to find me but, as you can see, I have other priorities now." You look back into the house through the window to find your daughter peeking through the window.

"But-" Bucky speaks up but you stop him.

"You guys can stay the night if you'd like," you say, looking at the darkening sky. "But I'm not going back. There's a reason I left that life."

Bucky bites his tongue to stop himself from asking you what that reason was.

"Thanks for letting us stay." Sam smiles as he passes the threshold of your home.

You never thought this day would come. Seeing your daughter run around your back yard with one of your best friends.

“She’s beautiful.” Bucky comes to stand next to you, but you only hum in agreement. Words seemingly disappeared from your mind the second his scent wafted closer to you. Sandalwood and fire, clean linens with a dash of something else. So masculine, so protective. So incredibly, Bucky. 

“How old is she?” He asks.

“Don’t do this to yourself.” You take a deep breath in, letting him coat your lungs. 

“I just want to know.” Bucky tries to act innocently. He dissects every trait he can tell comes from you, but the rest, they look awfully similar to him. Tashi’s nose has the same bump as his and her eyes crinkle just like Bucky’s when she smiles. 

“Faking was never your forte.” You smile. “She’s not your daughter Bucky.”

“Bucky.” He repeats his name like it hurts him to say. “You never used to call me that.” 

“Well, I used to call you baby but I wouldn’t want Tashi to start asking questions about who my other baby is.” 

Bucky lets out a laugh, it’s a low grumble that shakes his ribs. It’s been so long since he felt this peace. “I missed this,” he lets the words slip out.

“I missed this too.” You say, barely above a whisper, stopping yourself before you say that you missed him. But you did.

Every day since you left, you thought of Bucky. Of the way he used to hold you so tenderly and the kisses he gave you at night. Of how he said I love you and made it sound like the only words that existed.

But all those memories were of the past, your life before Tashi came in. And you should keep them like that.

-----

The moonlight is the only thing that illuminates Bucky as he wanders around the cabin. He didn't mean to lurk but he'd woken up from a nightmare.

Your home was different than he imagined. A lot more stuffed animals and toys and less trinkets from your past life. There were a couple of pictures here and there but they were mostly of Tashi and you.

"What are you doing up?" Bucky jumps up at the sound of her squeaky voice.

Tashi looks up at him with those goddamned eyes. They looked so much like his, it was concerning.

"I-I couldn't sleep." Bucky rubs the back of his neck.

"Do you have nightmares?" She asks so innocently. If only she knew the things he dreamed of. "I have them too."

"You do?" Bucky whispers, making her nod her little head.

"Mommy usually helps be back to sleep but I don't want to wake her up." Tashi brings a finger to her mouth, motioning for the Sergeant to keep quiet. "Don't tell her I woke up, promise?"

"Promise." Bucky brings out his pinky, wrapping it around her little finger. "I'll let you in on a little secret of mine."

Tashi's blue eyes widen, urging him to go on.

"You may not know about me but, there was a time your Mommy helped me with my nightmares." Bucky smiles at the memory.

"I know about you, silly goose." Tashi covers her giggles with her hand.

"You do?"

She nods, holding her hand out and taking him to her playroom. Sitting Bucky in an incredibly small chair. "You're the boy from my book!"

Tashi places in his hands a hand sewn felt book. The characters were a bit wonky but Bucky could immediately spot himself in the fabric.

"You're the boy with the heart of gold and the arm of steel." She says, proudly pointing to the book.

"The boy with the heart of gold and the arm of steel would save anyone, especially the people he loved," Bucky read his description on the book. "People around the world misjudged him, but that didn't stop him from being good. He proved them all wrong."

"You're my favorite character," Tashi smiles wide. "Don't tell Uncle Sam."

"Your secret is safe with me." Bucky lets out a watery smile, setting the book down on the floor. "How about you go up to your room and I can tell you a story about your mom."

"Really?" Tashi jumps up.

"Only if you promise to try and go to sleep again." Bucky raises his eyebrow, trying to appear strong but the little girl already had him wrapped around her finger.

"Under one condition," Tashi crosses her arms. "I can go outside and get my Natasha figurine."

Bucky bites down on his lip. "It's quite late to go outside."

"Please?" She pouts. "It'll only take a second."

God she looks so much like you.

"Fine." Bucky gives in. "But I'll be watching by the door, can't let you go outside all alone."

The super soldier walks behind the little girl, watching as she runs outside and sifts through the grass.

Bucky should have known something was wrong, he should have heard them lurking in the bushes. But he was too distracted by her, too distracted by the idea that this could have been his life. That in some multiverse, Tashi was his daughter and he could've retired next to the love of his life.

But he didn't. And it was too late once he realized what was happening.

Tens of agents dressed in black closed in on the cabin, running onto the property. Tashi was the first thing they grabbed.

He heard her yell out his name, but it happened in slow motion.

"No!" Bucky screamed, running towards the man who kidnapped her. "Let her go!"

Tashi's red splotched eyes was the last thing Bucky saw before they crammed her into a black van and left down the only road. His feet burned as he ran behind them, but not even Bucky was able to catch up to them.

Once he came back to the cabin, Sam and you were running around trying to understand what happened.

"I'm sorry." Bucky lets the tears run down his face. "I couldn't stop them."

You dropped to the floor with a sob.

Bucky's knees finally gave out. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry- We're going to get her back, I promise that I'll get her back."

Authors note: hi hiiii omg I went a little bit overboard with this one. It's been a looooong time since I wrote something this long. I hope y'all like it! Xx

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