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randomness-is-my-order · 3 months ago

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another thing that always struck me about jiang cheng and wei wuxian’s relationship is how little jc actually seems to understand wwx and where he was coming from and this is not just an empathy problem (though that is entirely present, too) but also the lack of effort to truly open up to wei wuxian’s pov and seek it from the source himself.

this is possibly the randomest example i can give but during their chat in the burial mounds, jc comments on the situation with the food and whether crops would even grow in the burial mounds and whether people could even live there and it’s just...even if he’s not sure about wwx spending months in the burial mounds, he KNOWS wwx lived in the streets in his early childhood and nothing gives people the mentality of “survival before all else” than that but jc had either never bothered to learn about wwx’s past before he came to lotus pier in all the years he’d known him or he did know and never bothered to contexualise things so he didn’t have to wonder whether a comfortable lifestyle was truly a valid concern for wwx. here’s the passage if anyone wants to read the exact phrasing:

Jiang Cheng was incredulous. “You’re planting things on a mountain made of corpses? Will anything that grows even be edible?” “Trust me. Anything is edible when you’re hungry enough.” “Do you really plan on settling here for the long-term?” Jiang Cheng asked. “Can people even live in a hellish place like this?” “I lived here for three months before,” Wei Wuxian stated.

now, ik jc’s headspace at the time was focussed on detracting wwx’s resolve to live in the burial mounds but my point is moreso that jc actually did not comprehend who wwx was as a person in the books, ever. he literally never came close. and this isn’t even about the missing information like the golden core transplant or the true circumstances of wwx’s three months disappearance. it’s jiang cheng thinking wwx always wanted to show off, linking his actions to a hero complex, thinking wwx was needlessly arrogant, not understanding why wwx would stick his neck out for the wens. it’s the way jiang cheng rarely, if ever, gave wei wuxian any grace in his reading of his actions–always looking at wei wuxian through a lens that was inherently unfavourable and thereby, never allowed him to truly view wwx for who he is.

in contrast, wei wuxian always understood jiang cheng in a way i don’t think jc knew he did. the way he knew where jc’s cutting words originated from, the way he could read jc’s insecurities, the way he could empathise with his grief and anger, even after everything went to absolute hell between the two. i’m not claiming wei wuxian understood jiang cheng like no other or had some uniquely profound insight into his mindset but there is enough content in the books that makes it clear that wei wuxian saw jiang cheng for the person that he was and gave him more grace (than he deserved, imo) and that this understanding was not at all present in jiang cheng’s perspective of wei wuxian.

which brings me to another observation: jiang cheng may or may not have loved wei wuxian but he sure as hell never respected him. because when you respect someone (and i’d argue there is no real love without respect), you try to get to know the person, try to see their side of things, try to assemble your opinion of them after informing yourself about their life. jiang cheng, for me, never exhibited the interest to go even slightly out of his way and gain a better understanding of wwx. wei wuxian wasn’t someone he wanted to spend that kind of time on – be it because jc had internalised the social hierarchy separating them, had never liked wwx for being better than him in various fields or because he was simply not the kind of person who would be emotionally even a little generous in his relationships. it doesn’t matter.

the point for me is that this give-and-take was never balanced. it was always wei wuxian over-extending his internal resources while jc never realised or refused to. some say their relationship only became worse/toxic after the wen remnants were rescued but the seeds were there since their childhoods. their circumstances exacerbated the issue tenfold, yes, most definitely, but that issue was always present and would blow up their relationship sooner or later, as long as jiang cheng didn’t have substantial growth. jiang cheng continuing to live was worth the sacrifice for wei wuxian (be it from a source of affection, obligation, duty, anything) but staying by wei wuxian’s side after the shift to burial mounds was not worth the trouble for jiang cheng. and yes their personalities have alot to do with their individual decisions in these pressing matters but i’m sure that were it jiang yanli who had taken wei wuxian’s spot, jiang cheng’s actions would be far different but do the switch with jiang cheng, and wei wuxian would still make the same choice. because jiang cheng’s relationship with wei wuxian was undeniably unbalanced to begin with. he never did consider wwx his equal and so, never tried to put in the same effort that wwx did. it’s as simple as that.

#im honestly glad wwx was over it all in his second life because the guy knows wasting his time on false brotherhoods is not worth it #wei wuxian #wei wuxian meta #jiang cheng criticial #canon jiang cheng #mdzs meta #mxtx mdzs #mdzs

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yuikomorii · 4 months ago

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Heyhey, may I know why you love Yui so much?

I hope this isn’t a weird question, it’s just that personally I don’t ever find the heroine to be an interesting character but I’m always ready to listen to other opinions :)

// To be honest… I don’t even know. (￣▽￣;)

As a heroine, I don’t believe Yui stands out as anything extraordinary. She isn’t particularly bad, just your average 2010s heroine, sharing many traits with others. I wouldn’t say she’s the kindest, prettiest, or mentally strongest MC out there, but despite that, I found myself growing more attached to her than to any other. There were moments when she annoyed me to the point where I had to stop the game, yet I couldn’t bring myself to dislike her. I find Yui and the other DL characters quite challenging to handle. Although Yui may appear nice and gentle, she got this amazing talent to get either herself or others in troubles, haha.

Still, maybe it’s her flaws that really drew me in. I’m not saying her behavior is always good, I can empathize with the Diaboys and understand why they lose patience with her sometimes. Yui can be selfish, pushy, foolish, shallow, and, depending on the route, quite possessive and obsessive. But that’s exactly what makes her entertaining to me. I wouldn’t have enjoyed DL if the heroine had been an innocent figure who always ended up getting the short end of the stick despite never doing anything wrong. It’s refreshing that the game shows her facing the consequences of her own actions, even going mad in some endings not due to abuse, but her own nature. It serves as a reminder that humans and vampires aren’t really that different, considering how anyone is prone to do bad things if triggered hard enough.

Additionally, I like that she’s sometimes very horny! It’s somehow relatable to see her admit that her initial attraction to Ayato was based on his looks and the pleasure he gave her. Many heroines are often surrounded by handsome men, yet it’s rare to see any act on that attraction as openly as Yui does.

I don’t mind that Yui isn’t particularly independent and seeks male validation. I don’t see anything inherently wrong with wanting attention and love from an attractive guy, as long as it doesn’t involve putting other girls down, which Yui never does. She may be stupid and have a low learning ability, but I find that both concerning and funny. DL would have been way more boring if she weren’t like that. In short, I like that she makes me laugh~.

Last but not least, she’s supportive, pure-hearted says/does the cringiest things ever and gets embarrassed, which I find absolutely cute. I love her energetic, clumsy, loud, cheerful, and talkative side so much! She’s one of those people who, no matter what they do, you end up forgiving them because they’re just so endearing!

In this house, we love GIRLFAILURES! >:3

#admin

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strayy-starss · 7 months ago

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Hii! Could you do some Elliott Headcanons? If not, don't be to shy w the Alex smut🤭

✧A/N: Yes of course!! Elliot is definitely my second favorite bachelor, so this is absolutely perfect!! And don’t you worry, Alex smut will be coming in the future 😏. Also, I wasn’t sure if you wanted NSFW or SFW, so I just did them both! Hope you don’t mind :)

✧Warnings: eventual mentions of sex and kinks

☆SFW & NSFW Headcanons for Elliot☆

✧ SFW:

Elliot definitely reads a lot of books (like, a LOT). I feel like this is a given, seeing that he writes them and has a library when he moves in with the farmer. Let me tell you, though, if the farmer is also a reader, he will be ecstatic. And I mean, like, through the roof. He’d want to talk about them all the time and he’d likely recommend lots of books for you to read based on both your preference and his.

I think he’d also love to read books out loud to you, whether or not he wrote them or not. His voice is angelic though, so it’s not like the farmer is complaining.

Speaking of books, he’d definitely ask you for your opinion on plot lines or scenes for his stories, regardless of whether you’re a bookworm or not. Mostly I feel like he’d just seek validation that his writings are as good as the ones that he’s read, or just good in general.

I feel like sometimes, and I mean VERY rarely, Elliot will spiral into a place of despair when it comes to his writing. When that happens, he can go into writer’s block and will push you away to think of ideas. If this happens, depending on the severity, I think you may be able to pull him out of it with reassuring words and cuddles. If he’s in too deep, however, it’s best to give him space until he makes it to a better place, where he either figures something out, or decides it isn’t worth the trouble. He’d definitely apologize to you after the fact and make it up to them with lots of TLC.

Elliot doesn’t use the words “pretty” or “handsome”. No, he uses words like “gorgeous” “stunning” “glorious” and “ravishing”. I’m sorry, but this man is way too sophisticated to use simple words. Make that shit fancy and pair it with a silky voice and you get Elliot.

Elliot’s a wine kinda guy. He’d definitely have those nights where he feels compelled to make a charcuterie board with all those cheeses and grapes and have some red wine with you.

Now, I know you’re all thinking it, and I'm thinking it too: Elliot with a ponytail. I bet you he loves his hair, but it does get annoying sometimes when it falls in his face when he’s trying to write or help out around the farm, so he definitely keeps a hair tie on his wrist in case he needs it. He’ll always offer it to you, too, if he thinks you need it.

He’s an early riser, too. He’ll be up before you and he’ll be sitting and reading a book with a cup of coffee and he’ll greet you like, “Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?”

And like the gentleman he is, he probably does a lot of extra and unnecessary, but thoughtful, things for you. Like, if you’ve had a long day, he’d sit you down and take your shoes off for you, even though you insist that you can do that yourself. Then he’d take off your jacket if you were wearing one, and make you a nice cup of tea so that you can wind down with him.

✧NSFW BELOW THE CUT✧ ⬇

✧ NSFW:

I firmly believe that Elliot’s a switch. He’s always willing to take initiative, but we all know that Elliot is a pretty princess at heart and sometimes just wants all the attention.

God help me this man knows how to talk dirty. He’s read enough books that he knows exactly what to say to you in every circumstance, and exactly how to turn you on or get you in the mood. And then the next day he’ll act all innocent like he wasn’t just whispering how much he was gonna ruin you last night. He’s the type of guy to say, “I don’t want you to be pleasured. I want you to be trembling.” (Jesus FUCK I’m down bad for him.)

I feel like Elliot would set up a safe word with you, but he’d want it to be something symbolic or fancy or something. Like instead of “baseball” it would be “nightingale” and you'd have to spit that word out when you want him to stop. Speaking of, as soon as you do say the safe word, he’ll stop everything and just gently hold you, whispering that he’s sorry and that he hopes you can forgive him, even though you really aren’t that mad at him at all, just a little shaken.

As far as kinks go, I think Elliot is open to almost all kinks with a few restrictions on things that he just isn’t into. I feel like he’d especially be into bondage and blindfolding. It’s more of a spiritual thing for him, as it opens you up fully to him, like you can’t hide anything from him anymore and you completely trust him with your body. If you aren’t into that, then he’ll be a little disappointed, but would get over it quickly as long as you promise to let it happen on his birthday.

Elliot absolutely loves to be tied up, though, for the same symbolic reasons. He trusts you with his whole being, and knows that you only want to make him feel good.

He's a sucker for neck kisses, so give him a hickey or two. He wears that collared shirt for a reason, right?

He hates the idea of a gag. He loves to hear you crying out in pleasure. It fuels him and makes him feel happy that he could pleasure you so much. If you want it, though, he'd never deny his lover what they want, even if it means he can't hear you as well.

Elliot naturally isn’t rough when it comes to sex, but he most definitely can be. This man will be on his knees to do exactly what you want him to. He prefers it that way, actually. So long as you give him the guidelines of what you want him to do, he can take it from there. If you don’t, though, he’d probably be asking a lot of: “Is this okay?” Because like the gentleman he is, he would never want to overstep your boundaries, even though he probably knows everything that one can about sex.

He’d definitely use writing as an excuse to see you naked. It would be something about him needing to know the anatomy of a person, regardless of your gender identification or sex. It would be funny if you were a man, too, because then he’d get all flustered when you’d ask why, as he’s a man himself. He’d make up something like how your body is shaped differently than his, and he needs a reference that isn’t himself.

Same thing about writing goes for sex. He might ask you to touch yourself or even him for a scene, and he’d take notes as he’d try to hold himself back from touching you. He’d jot down every little sound you make and every single word you say to “make the scene more real,” though it may or may not be for him to read and masturbate to later.

You later figure this out and tell him that he doesn't need an excuse to have sex with you, but he gets embarrassed and insists that it truly is for his writing, though he will be a little more open-minded about it in the future.

✧ That’s all, thank you for reading!! I also need to make a longer list for Alex. I feel like I didn't do my baby justice, seeing as I wrote much more for Elliot.

#stardew valley #stardew valley smut #sdv elliot x reader #sdv elliott #sdv elliot x farmer #sdv x reader #stardew valley headcanons

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chelseasdagger · 2 years ago

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Restoring Faith

Father Paul Hill x Reader

Summary: You pay Father Paul one of your midnight visits and he finds himself struggling with his sworn devotion

Warnings: religious themes, sacrilege, smut, oral over clothes (m!receiving)

Author’s Note: This is a late birthday present for @chellestrash , my true love of my life, and I hope I’ve done this little idea you love justice :’) I’m absolutely positive I didn’t make it sounds as pretty as some of the other fics, but I hope it will be alright :)

Word Count: 4k

The cold air sends a shiver down your spine as the gravel crunches beneath your feet. Wrapping your arms around yourself tighter, you keep your head down to protect your face from the wind. You follow the path that connects the great big church to the smaller house just behind it, the trail only visible due to the moonlight pouring down from above.

You’re no idiot, you’re aware anybody could see your somewhat frequent visits to see him. However, you convinced yourself that it was okay to go, so long as you waited past midnight to take the trip. Whether it was actually a valid excuse was a whole other subject. One you didn’t particularly want to think of and potentially use to talk yourself out of doing this.

Stepping up the old, creaky stairs of the small porch, you give one last glance over your shoulder to the abandoned street the church faces. There’s not a person in sight and you raise your hand to knock on the wooden door.

It opens after a moment and you smile at the sight of the priest in front of you. He’s dressed completely in black, excluding the stark white collar that frames his neck. You can’t help your eyes from giving him a quick once over, taking in the dark button up shirt tucked into the form fitting slacks that drape down his legs. His voice calling your name brings your gaze back to his face.

“How…,” he trails off, craning his neck higher and looking past you, “how can I help you?” His greeting is stiff, and you know he’s worried about curious eyes possibly seeing you here. You can’t fight the way your lips pull into a smirk at the idea of him already getting nervous.

“I just had a question, Father,” you begin to explain, and notice him looking at you with cautious eyes. “Is that not what you said? That we can come to you and seek guidance? Ask questions about our faith?” You can admit that it was slightly unfair using his own words against him, but it works all the same. He bows his head before nodding once, silently stepping aside and allowing you to walk inside.

It’s the same as it always was, with the couch being the only real centerpiece to the room. The curtains are drawn closed on each of the windows and it gives the sense of seclusion from the rest of the small island. The three lamps that line the right wall are all lit, painting everything in a warm glow. You’ll never get over how welcoming his home was, how it provided a safe space when you needed an escape.

The sound of the door clicking shut makes you turn around to face him. He’s standing with his arms crossed over his chest, slightly hesitant as he stays silent and waits for you to speak first.

“Nobody saw me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” you flash him a cheeky smirk. Paul responds wordlessly with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He steps further into the room, his arm brushing yours as he walks to the small, open kitchen area.

“I haven’t seen you at Mass,” he finally breaks his silence. You watch as he grabs an empty glass from the drying rack beside the sink before filling it with water from the tap. “Can I get you anything?” he offers with wide eyes, motioning towards the cup in his hand.

“I was sick,” you pick the first thing that comes to mind, “allergy stuff since the weather is changing.” The lie rolls right off your tongue. You watch as he drinks his water down, fixating on the way his Adam's apple moves with each swallow. Giving yourself a mental shake, you answer his earlier question.

“And I’m okay, thanks,” you decline his offer as you lean against the back of the couch. The priest says nothing but gives a solemn look your way.

“I’m… sorry to hear that,” he speaks gently into the quiet room. His dark, brown eyes look sincere, enforcing the truth behind his words. There’s a small pout on his lips and you’re not sure if it’s from your faux illness or if he can somehow sense that you’re not speaking the truth. Either way, he continues with the conversation.

“But I’m glad you’re feeling better. W-What can I do for you?” He sets his glass down on the small counter beside him. “You… um, mentioned seeking guidance? What about?” His eyes are focused onto yours and you find yourself only able to keep eye contact for a few seconds before his stare feels like too much.

“Well,” you begin with a light laugh under your breath, “I just wanted to have you read to me again.” Your fingers toy with the thick seam of the couch cushion. “Is that okay? It just—it helps, is all.” You’re not certain the explanation makes a ton of sense, but there is truth behind it. His words help; it relaxes you to come and listen to him read, even if you don’t always find yourself secure in the faith you grew up with.

When you look up at him again, Paul is standing with a genuine smile on his face. It’s clear he likes hearing that he can help, and you feel a twinge of guilt shoot through your chest at how he genuinely enjoys what he does. It makes you being here that much worse, knowing how content and devout he is.

“Of course, I-I can do that,” he replies, his voice somehow even quieter than before. “Did you have a certain story you wanted me to read from?”

You think over his question for only a short moment. Deep down, you knew you could listen to him speak about even the most mundane things, including what he had eaten for breakfast. His voice was the thing to calm you, not the words he spoke.

“I don’t really care. Whatever you’d like, whatever we left off with,” you flash him a small smile. The priest nods only once before walking towards his bedroom, disappearing into the shadows of the small corridor leading to the door.

You let out a big breath of air you weren’t even aware you were holding in. Being alone with him felt good, it always did, but you couldn’t deny the guilt once again growing in your chest. Deep down, you knew this was wrong, but it always felt good when the guilt shaped to something else. Something stronger and impossibly difficult to ignore.

There’s only a small moment for self reflection before you hear his footsteps echoing out on the wood floor again. You glance towards the sound and find him returning back into the main room with the Bible wedged between his arm and his side. His fingers are busy, rolling the fabric of his long sleeve up to just above his elbow. As inch after inch of his skin is exposed, you find yourself unable to look away from the veins trailing up the inside of his arm.

He repeats his actions on the opposite side, gazing up at you from under the few strands of hair that have fallen out of place. Your lip finds its way between your teeth subconsciously, your own way of anchoring yourself and ignoring the need to tuck the loose curls back behind his ear.

“In moments where I truly begin to doubt my faith, I…” he trails off, fixing the last roll of his cuff over his forearm. He grabs the Bible and brushes his thumb over the raised letters as he continues, “I like to look back on the story of Job.”

You can’t even stop the exasperated sigh that leaves your body. He looks up at the sound, his head tilted slightly like a confused puppy.

“Job? Really, Father? I’m pretty sure that’s the opposite of restoring faith,” you curl your fingers to create air quotes over the last two words. Paul gives a small smile, lowering his head. He’s dealt with your opinions regarding faith and why God allows things to happen as He does.

“Maybe… maybe to some but I-I find that it’s a reminder,” his voice is quiet and calm, already slipping into his usual pattern of speech when he’s behind the lectern. He steps deeper into the living room and passes by you, making his way to the empty couch.

“A reminder to trust in Him even when we’re not sure of-of the path,” he finishes. You’re thankful he’s behind your back so he doesn’t see the way your eyes roll at his canned response. He must’ve seen the tension in your body though, taking note of the way your arms are still crossed over your chest, because he tries once more to get you to listen.

“You do remember that he was rewarded? In the end?”

“Yeah, but he went through hell to get it… hardly seems fair,” you answer him.

“Well, the Lord, He—,”

“If you say ‘Works in mysterious ways’…” you cut him off with a warning glare as you finally turn to face him.

Paul lets out a breathy laugh, staring down at the thick book in his hands. “I was only going to say that He doesn’t always…” he pauses for a moment, searching for the right words, “reveal His plans to us in a way that makes sense at the time. That’s all,” he finishes with a tight-lipped smile.

There’s a brief moment of silence that hangs in the air as you wait for him to move past this conversation. His quick inhale fills the room as he clears his throat quietly, his arm gesturing towards the couch.

“Shall we?”

“Of course,” you respond softly, your words tucked under your breath. He walks around to the front of the couch, his eyes fixed on you as you follow his path. He sits down as his fingers curl around the blue, knitted blanket that’s sprawled out across the cushion beside him.

“Here, let me—,” he doesn’t finish his sentence before draping it across the back of the couch. There’s a spot for you now, close enough that you knew you’d be touching him if you sat beside him. As tempting as the offer is, you find yourself shaking your head gently.

“Is-is something wrong?” he asks, his big, dark eyes searching yours. They’re wide and innocent, truly worrying that he overstepped. Once again, you’re reminded of how pure the man before you is; you nearly reconsider your original idea that made you seek him out tonight in the first place.

You shake your head as you stand in front of him, silently kneeling down and sitting on the floor. The priest’s expression instantly grows apprehensive. You flash him an innocent smile but his unsure glare never falters.

“I’ll just listen from here,” you tell him, trying to ease his worries. He looks hesitant but eventually swallows before opening the Bible. His long fingers splay out across the thin pages, turning them one after the other before finally stopping on a page.

He opens his mouth to speak, the words flowing effortlessly off of his tongue. His voice falls into the deep, rumbly tone that you only ever hear when he’s reading to you. There’s no audience, no image he has to maintain, and the words are so quiet it seems almost as if he’s reading to himself. You’ve always preferred these moments, when he appeared the most authentic he could be.

The more he reads the more comfortable you feel. Your body begins to relax and an idea strikes up in your mind. As he turns the next page, bringing in a deep inhale to continue the sentence, you let your head rest against his knee.

He immediately stutters over his words, repeating the same sound over and over. He never breaks his concentration though, and eventually pushes through and finishes the sentence. Not before flashing you a warning look as you rest your cheek against his leg, though.

It isn’t entirely inappropriate and would even be seen as a normal, platonic gesture. But given his profession, you knew it was absolutely not appropriate. You don’t pull away however, just keep your body slumped against his leg.

He continues speaking the old words, his pronounced sentences dissipating into muttered whispers the longer he goes on. Admittedly, you felt special that this tone was reserved only for you; there was a faint flare of pride in your chest knowing that you were the only one to hear his words so rumbly it’s as if they never fully left his chest.

At some point though, you begin to grow bored of just sitting there and waiting for him to finish. Usually these late night reads brought your anxiety down enough just to fall asleep on the priest, leaving him in the most awkward position of not knowing how to convince himself any of this was okay. But right now, you’d rather have some fun.

Paul knew something was up the second he saw your hand reaching towards him out of the corner of his eye. The muscles in his leg immediately tense, you feel it from under your skin. But you don’t want to raise his suspicion so soon.

Stretching further towards the Bible in his lap, you spread your fingers and place both palms over each side. Once his view is completely shielded from the printed words, he immediately looks into your mischievous eyes.

“What—what are you doing?” he asks confusedly. His eyebrows are pulled together as he awaits your answer.

“Just wanted to see how much you knew,” you reply genuinely. You knew the man had poured over this book time and time again, searching for meanings deeper than the blatant lessons that were spelled out for the reader. It always sent a conflicting feeling coursing through you, the way he could recite word after word from memory as if he was the one who had conjured them up. Conflicting because you liked the reminder of how devout he was, and isn’t that just a multifaceted guilt trip.

Paul smiles at your youthful game, and mentally accepts the challenge. He parts his lips before the words fall from his tongue.

“And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all,” he begins, never looking away from your face as he repeats them with no hesitation.

“For Job said, ‘It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.’” The priest can’t stop from chuckling at the end of his sentence, having looked at your own genuine, bright grin. “Thus Job did continually.”

Once he’s finished, he flashes you his own smile before glancing down at your hands covering the pages still. You slowly remove them, giggling under your breath at how he passed your unofficial test.

The priest licks his lips once before clearing his throat gently, continuing again with his reading. As the minutes pass, you find yourself not paying much attention to the actual weight of the words. You just focus on his muttering voice until you're reminded of how sweet his last stutter sounded. And because you just can’t help yourself, you’re determined to hear it again.

Snaking your hand up his thigh, you feel his body grow stiff all over again. That adorable stutter becomes prominent once more, his eyes quickly focusing on your fingers rubbing up the inside of his leg as he attempts to finish the paragraph. Trying to pace your plan, you curl your fingers around his thigh and give him a moment to get used to the feeling.

“What are you doing?” These words are the coldest he’s spoken all night, yet you stay silent and wait. It takes him longer this time to finally react, to give his consent in the smallest agreement possible. It’s so minuscule that anybody else wouldn’t have noticed, but you know him awfully more than you should.

Half a nod. That’s all it takes, and you let your fingers graze lightly over the black slacks. They're taught from how he’s sitting, and you can see the outline of his thigh through the stretched material. His voice shakes now, the tone less steady and sure, as he forces himself to keep reading.

You’ve got to admit he’s doing better than you thought. He doesn’t stop reading, you assume he’s just trying to focus on something else, anything but your hand moving between his thighs. You must’ve hit a sweet spot though, inching near the little alcove where his thigh meets his hip, because the next thing you hear is a shuddering exhale as he halts his reading.

And there it is only a second later—the outline of his cock showing through the dark dress pants. It never took very long, although this time it seems even quicker than usual. He continues to grow there, until you can see the fabric straining to accommodate for his now swollen head. You’ve barely touched him and he’s already so responsive.

Now that you can physically see the effect you have on him, there’s truly nothing that can stop you. Sure the nagging guilt is still in the back of your mind, telling you that you shouldn’t do this, but you push it away as much as you can. He looks so tempting right now: the loose strands of hair falling into his face, his lip caught between his teeth as he suppresses his groans, the faint twitch his cock gives when he feels your finger lightly drag along the base of his length. You love seeing him this desperate for you.

Your one finger lightly tracing the length of him is truly all it takes for the first twitch to happen in his trousers. The sight makes your mouth nearly water and you finally curl your fingers around him properly. Your grip isn’t too tight considering it’s over two layers of clothes, but it doesn’t stop the choked grunt from finally escaping his lips.

Still you continue, leaning closer until your breath is fanning over the bulge. He feels it, you can tell from the way his fingers clutch the book that’s resting on his other leg. The veins in the back of his hand become more prominent the harder he grabs it. Every part of his body is conflicting itself; he wants it but he knows he shouldn’t.

Still you wait, staring up at him and silently asking again if this is okay. He doesn’t stall as much this time—his eyes squeeze shut tightly before nodding quickly again, forcing another inhale through his nose.

You don’t waste a second and quickly press your tongue flat against the outline of his tip. Slowly licking along the length, you watch his body reel from how hard his stomach clenches at the feeling. He begins to shut the Bible but you grab his wrist before it can close all the way. You shake your head slowly, attempting to convince him to keep it open.

“Y…You know I can’t.”

“I like hearing you, Father,” you mumble quietly in the room. He stares down at you with an expression you can’t quite describe. There’s no emotion on his face, but his eyes look pained, no doubt from the name you referred to him as. He hardly moves except for the shallow breaths that you can only notice because of how close you are to him.

Waiting for his reaction seems to drag on for hours before he finally sighs through his nose and opens the book. You notice the way his fingers shake as he smooths out the page before trying to remember where he left off. Your lips pull into a smile as you hear his strained voice fill the room.

Squeezing the base of his cock tighter, you drag your tongue across his tip again before wrapping your lips around it. The story is cut off with his deep grunt, and you hum around him at the pleasant noise. The priest has his head tilted back, staring at the ceiling as he tries to regain his composure.

You knew this was an awful, sacrilegious act you two were doing, but it doesn’t stop the heat growing between your legs. Leaning closer into him, you work your mouth on him faster, sucking harder through the fabric. His hand closest to you grips the edge of the seat as he seethes through his teeth.

Paul finally looks down at you, staring into your eyes that have never once left his face. You hold his gaze before glancing wordlessly to the book still in his hand. The whimper that he barely slips out is your new favorite sound, replaying it in your head as you shut your eyes.

“A-As long as… m…my breath,” he’s cut off with a shaky inhale. He tries to read aloud, but his voice trembles the entire time.

“Keep going, Father,” you pull your mouth away from the outline in his black trousers to encourage him. There’s a long, dark stripe along the fabric from your tongue, but another wet patch where the head of his cock is straining against the material.

“As long as my-my breath is in me, and t-the spirit of God is in my nostrils—,” he’s finding each word more impossible to speak. You never allow him to give up though, rubbing your hand over his thigh to support him.

“My lips will not speak f…falsehood, and my tongue will not utter deceit.” He manages to finish the paragraph before taking deep breaths, swallowing thickly and trying his damndest to not look at the sinful scene in his lap. But his body betrays him once more, twitching into your mouth when you hum sweetly around him as a reward for finishing what you asked him to.

Pressing your tongue right in the ridge under his swollen head, you hear a new sound escape his pressed lips. It's a guttural, raw twist of your name and it’s unexpected.

“Oh… Oh—Wait,” he tries to warn you but it’s much too late. His release happens without him realizing, his body moving while his mind doesn’t have a chance to catch up. When you feel him pulsing in your mouth you glance up at him and oh, what a sight it is.

He’s completely disheveled, biting down into his hand to muffle the noise he’s ashamed for anyone to hear, and the veins in his neck are protruding just above the edge of his collar. It’s not the first time you’ve seen him like this, but you always make sure to memorize the sight down to those details. To always keep the picture in your mind.

What really catches your attention though, is the stream of white bubbling up through the taught fabric around his sensitive tip. You didn’t realize he would have finished quite this fast, but you definitely don’t mind it. Squeezing the middle of his length tightly, you slowly slide your hand up, determined to get all of it out of him.

Paul’s thighs are beginning to shake from the sensation and you can only imagine how good it must feel for him. You stick your tongue out as you lap up the mess he’s made, and his thighs jolt to close around your body. His sensitivity to your every touch leaves a desire that burns hotly in the bottom of your stomach. You love the feeling of having power over him, admittedly too much.

Once he’s clean, you finally let go of him altogether and sit back on your legs. He’s left panting in awe as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. You wish you could see inside his head, try and understand what he’s thinking. But right now his dark eyes are glossed over and he looks as if he’s somewhere completely else.

“Thank you, Father.”

He scrunches his eyes shut tightly the second the words fill the air. It’s silent except for his panting as you rest your head on his knee once more. This time it is a platonic action, your way of showing him you’re there without words. And there you sit beside your priest in the small, old house behind the great big church, with the weight of everything that just happened.

#father paul x reader #father paul fanfic #paul hill x reader #midnight mass fanfiction #midnight mass fanfic #hamish linklater fanfiction #hierophilia #as someone who grew up christian i did feel a lil guilty writing this #HOWEVER #he cute.#chelsea writes #happy birthday pea!

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genderqueerdykes · 2 months ago

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I’m really nervous to say this but I think I might be a girl, but it’s confusing because I still think I was born male.

Like, I use he/him for myself sometimes. I don’t consider myself even trans, I’m a girl in a boys body or a girl who was raised/born with a penis. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m a real Transfem, or like I’m less valid because I still consider myself male to some degree. Or I feel like I’m using transmed language. I know it isn’t true, but the internalized transphobia is real. 😞

(also btw I go by the name Ren, if you could refer to me that way please)

hello there! thanks for taking the time to stop by, we really appreciate it

i totally see where you're coming from. i don't think you have to feel ashamed for thinking/feeling that way right now. i have met so many girls in your situation and it's totally okay to feel that way while you're coming to accept who you are. many transfems are affected by imposter syndrome and i think it's due to the absolutely unrealistic expectations we place on every single transfem. i think it's because of how poorly other people treat you and other transfems

it's really easy to internalize that you're not "really" this or "really" that when other people treat you that way, or you've witnessed that behavior being expressed towards others. it's alright to feel unsure of yourself right now. a lot of trans people start off thinking they're a girl in a boy's body, or a boy in a girl's body. it's alright to not see your body as a girl's body yet. it takes time to accept that. some of my exes have been in the same situation where they still saw their body as a man's body and it's okay. you are a girl in a girl's body, but you've been told otherwise for so long it's okay to take a while to dismantle that

you sound transfem to me, i hope you're able to feel more confident soon as time passes. if possible, it may help you to try to seek out online transfem spaces, i'm part of a few on discord and i see a lot of people being very proactive in helping ease the dysphoria of other transfems. it's so common, you're not alone. some of the most intense dysphoria i've ever seen in a trans person came from the trans girls i've known. and who can blame you? society is so harsh towards trans women

it's okay if you're not perfectly feminine or if you don't fit into any type of box. it's okay if you need time to accept things. and many trans people do end up viewing their lives as "halves". many older trans women i've met have told me about "when they were living as a boy/man" and when they began living as a woman. i've met trans men who say the inverse. it's okay if you feel like you were a boy/man at at one point and are no longer. it's okay to feel like you were born in a boy/man's body and need to transition to make it feel like a girl's body, and your body. however you feel about it, you don't need to feel ashamed of yourself.

you're still a girl, Ren! you're still transfem. imposter syndrome is tough, i hope it eases up for you soon. you don' thave to jump through any hurdles to be transfem- so many transfems out there feel just the same way you do. it's okay

hope that helps, take care for now. please feel free to ask any more questions you may have!

#asks #answers #transfeminine #transfemme #trans woman #trans women #trans girl #dysphoria

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toldentops · 2 years ago

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On the topic of “reblogs>likes”, I find that I don’t reblog art with these “out of spite and hatred in my heart” or whatever the fuck, I’m just kind of sad that this is a phenomenon in the first place. Like, as an artist, I absolutely understand that reblogs do count, especially depending on who reblogs it. But also as someone who used to obsess over the numbers on notes and get frustrated about something that I put effort into not getting attention, you kind of have to learn to realize that a) it’s not healthy to seek validation all the time from people on the internet and b) post what you like to post, and you will attract people that will reblog your posts eventually. Sometimes a post will just get happen to get seen by a popular blogger and reblog it, sometimes not, and you are not “owed” their reblog because they’re popular, which is another argument I’ve seen where people think they’re obligated to reblog their art. Sometimes it just depends on the content or the fandom and you have no control over it and that’s Fine. Some art I like enough to reblog, some art I’ll just leave a like, and that’s not a measure of how “good” the art is. And everybody operates their blog differently and nobody should be obligated to do one thing or another. And before anyone brings up “relying on social media for business” I absolutely do understand as someone who does business online, but you’re going to be getting attention primarily from people who already like and follow your art, and from my experience and seeing other people, lamenting on why your posts don’t get notes and if your art is good enough for attention is just going to drive people away. Sorry for being blunt. Have confidence in your art. Idk I wish there was more nuance about this topic but most talk about it annoys me anyways post over

#al speaks #like I don’t really think its assholish to not reblog a post . like its not that deep #I feel like the moment you try coercing someone into doing something it’s just going to be annoying but thats my personal opinion #and tbh I dont really care about ‘inflicting it on followers’ thats not something I particularly worry about #it’s just how I run my blog personally

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theambitiouswoman · 1 day ago

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how to not worry when people say mean things about you or be weird with you or love to pull you down? like how to not be affected by the things other people do? you seem like an awesome , happy , smart , and amazing person and i don’t know if people do weird things but how do you not take it personal and handle it? i feel as though i give my energy away by confronting everyone and i need to learn to not engage and treat them like they’re irrelevant but it can be hard so i need a new mindset

I know it can be hard to not feel affected about what people say about us. What’s helped me is realizing that most of the time, when people are mean or try to pull you down, it says more about them than it does about you. None of those people I would switch places with. And none of those people pay my bills. I think once you become secure with yourself and have goals that are important to you, you stop caring about outside noise.

To be honest, I don’t know what people say about me anymore lol I don’t think people say bad things behind my back but who knows. And if someone says something hurtful to me I extremely quick to cut someone off, ignore, laugh, if I’m bored I’ll say something spicey haha It’s just irrelevant to me. Personally I am only receptive to people when I know they care about me and that’s the only opinion I’ll trust come with good intentions. I can tell you with absolute certainty that no one disrespects me IRL.

Before I used to get so much hate, bullying and judgement literally just for existing and I actually believed it. Looking back I realize now that none of those things were even real and those people were actually absolute miserable insecure jerks :) still are too. Lesson in there!

You shouldn’t have anyone in your life that makes you feel bad about yourself. No matter who they are. If they care about you and you express that what they said hurt, they would fix it. If they don’t fix it, they don’t care and have to GO! We worry about others because we crave connection and fear rejection or judgment. We seek validation, compare ourselves to others, or avoid conflict to stay in others’ good graces. If we are unfulfilled, we might cling to others to give us the approval were not giving ourselves. Past negative experiences can also make us overly focused on people’s opinions. But the truth is, others’ opinions don’t define you—what matters is staying true to yourself and your values.

With that being said!

Don’t take it personally. Their their actions are a reflection of their issues, not your worth.

It’s your world and you decide who you want to be in it. Not everyone deserves to be in your world and not everyone deserves a response either.

If it triggers you, it’s something you should address with yourself. It’s not your fault and it may not be true but it bothers you for a reason, so address it with yourself so you can gain confidence in that area.

When you know your value, it’s easier to let irrelevant people stay irrelevant.

It’s a skill and it takes practice, but it does get easier 🤍

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karioke13 · 4 months ago

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My Transformers One thoughts!!!

✨Spoiler free✨

Holy moly this movie was just so…WOW!!! Before I start with my thoughts, I would like for y’all to know that I’ve never been this hyped for a movie in a long time! I was so excited I was shaking from excitement that my family kept asking if I was okay! 😂

Ok now to my thoughts. First off, I just want to mention how good the voice acting was. Chris Hemsworth did such a phenomenal job as Orion Pax, later Optimus Prime. Whenever his character gave a speech, I was crying because of how amazing and inspiring it was. And Orion in general was just so adorable and fun to watch! Now Brians voice acting was spine chilling! His decent from good friend who sticks to protocols to becoming the revenge seeking Megatron just flowed ever so nicely! The writers did an incredible job with his villain arc. Plus, Brians voice acting just made it even more incredible! And Michael Keegan as Bumblebee was ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! My mom loved him she thought he was so funny! He was kinda, sweet and always willing to help his friends. The chemistry that Optimus and Elita have with each other was *chefs kiss* you can tell she really cared for him throughout the whole movie! Everyone’s chemistry with each other was amazing!!! Every single character had such well done chemistry with the others, showing the good writing in this movie!

Now the music and animation, was OFF THE CHARTS. They both flowed so well together. The music made me feel so teary eyed because of how beautiful was! It made you really feel in the moment. And the animation was absolutely STUNNING! Seriously yall, shoutout to all the animators for doing such an amazing job with the animation style. It was just so incredible. So if you are really into animation and/or music definitely check this movie out!!

And finally the plot in this film. I swear this plot is absolutely heartbreaking in this movie. So many moments that make you feel. The friendship bond between Orion Pax and D-16 to the long known enemies Optimus Prime and Megatron was simply so sad to watch. And it really makes you feel hooked to the story watching D-16 going through his good guy to bad guy transformation. It really makes you feel for the guy. There were also so many dark moments too which was pretty shocking but honestly pretty valid for the story and I like how they didn’t try to shy away from all that. The writers really embraced it, show the horrors and the reality of war, corruption and betrayal. Honestly, I haven’t been this hooked on a plot for a movie in a long long time!

I had so much fun watching this movie. It made me feel like a little kid again, getting excited about a movie and what will happen and why the characters change. Seriously shoutout to everyone person who worked in this movie yall did an amazing job! I’m really considering watching this movie because of how good this movie was. 10/10 movie rating for me. I definitely recommend yall to watch this amazing movie, it has such amazing characters as well as a really good lesson from this movie! I can’t wait for more of this Transformers story! I had a really good time! 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

Also I brought my Optimus Prime plushie and my Bumblebee funko pop, along with my new Transformers One shirt to the movies with me! And I also took some pictures during the movie as well! (No spoilers i promise!!) Have a look! 🤗

#transformers #transformers one #movie review #orion pax #optimus prime #d 16 #megatron #b 127 #bumblebee #elita one #optimus prime x elita one #sentinel prime #starscream #shockwave #soundwave #please go see it yall it’s soooo gooooddd #i cannot stress this enough #also shoutout to my bestie for getting me into transformers 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼#im so happy im part of the fandom now 😊

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gremoria411 · 8 months ago

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Zeon Remnants: Why so many?

*Spoilers for most of the Universal Century Below*

So a common criticism of Universal Century I see is that it’s essentially all Zeon Remnants, all the time. That it every antagonist to the Earth Federation is either a Zeon remnant or related to such and it makes the universal century feel smaller.

That is 100% a valid criticism.

However, it’s not something I particularly notice as a problem, so I figured I’d make a post delving into my reasons why. I’ll be talking about each of the “main” Zeon groups (The Principality of Zeon, The Delaz Fleet, Axis Zeon, Char’s Neo Zeon and The Sleeves) and I’ll talk about why Zeon are so frequently the antagonist. Alright, enough preamble, let’s get on with it.

Why don’t I have a problem with Zeon always showing up, all the time?

Because I usually consider each Zeon group its own thing. Like, yeah the aesthetics and some mobile suits tend to match up but they typically have…. If not different goals, then different cultures. It’s not just the same thing all the time.

I’ll be dividing them by roughly four factors:

Motivations - *Why* are they fighting, how unified are they?

Size - big force or little force, since it affects how they fight.

Newtypes - Oh hey, it’s just possibly one of their more important contributions to the setting in general. Kinda important. Focusing more on how they’re used and how they’re seen.

Mechanics - Mobile suits and overall tech level for the time.

The Principality of Zeon

First up, the good ol’ Principality of Zeon. The P of Z, if you will. Founded by Degwin Sodo Zabi in the aftermath of Zeon Zum Deikun’s death in U.C. 0068. Rapid Militarisation of Side 3 (Munzo), the colonies composing Zeon followed, with what would become the One Year War being declared in UC 0079. It’s sometimes known as “The Duchy of Zion” in older translations.

It’s a little unclear *why* war was declared, but the official line and the view of the average citizen would be that it was a war of Independence from the Earth Federation. Zeon Zum Deikun (who Zeon was named after) was the father of Contolism, a philosophy that combines two major elements:

Elseim - The Earth is Sacred, and must be protected (The Earth is Humanity’s Cradle, but man cannot live in the cradle forever-type stuff, with a big focus on environmentalism).

Sideism - All Space Colonies should be independent from the Earth Federation (This is where all the “Those whose souls are still bound by gravity”-type stuff comes from).

And nestled riiight in the middle of those two is the Newtype Theory, which postulates that ascending into space is the next stage of mankind’s evolution, giving rise to a “new type” of individual, with the ability to communicate over great distances and divides.

Due to Class divides and economic disparity between the Earth Federation “elite” and the Space Colonists (particularly those in Side 3), Contolism was massively popular, with Zeon Zum Deikun being raised to leader of Side 3. However, he died suddenly and (apparently) appointed Degwin Zabi as his successor. Degwin would instigate a purge of Zeon’s most loyal followers, and place his children in high ranking political positions, ruling the Principality of Zeon as absolute dictator. It’s unclear if Degwin declared war as the logical conclusion of the Contolism Philosophy to wrest Earth from the Federation, if he viewed it as a way to secure greater power or if he genuinely wanted to rule the entire earth sphere.

What I’m getting at here is that your average Zeon soldier believes he is fighting for the Independence of the Space Colonies and the safeguarding of Earth against the Federation Elites who seek to exploit it. The higher command however, is incredibly fractious, since each one is operating under a different member of the Zabi Family, and so there tends to be a lot of friction. Even if Zeon had won the OYW, it’s likely it would’ve had to deal with a Civil War at some point or another (dependant on which members of the Zabi family survived).

Zeon is also notable in that it’s the single largest organisation here, and since mobile suit combat was relatively new, it fought with a lot more variety than any of its successors, such as tanks and mobile armours. It also had the advantage of, with the notable exception of the RX-78 and its derivatives, being far better off than the Earth Federation technologically, possessing advanced mobile suits and actual Newtype research (important note; With one singular exception, it is never suggested that Zeon’s Newtype laboratories are anything less than above-board. Are they under immense pressure to succeed? Absolutely. But crucially, they aren’t inhuman). It had a large variety of mobile suits - usually a few good “workhorse” units (Zaku’s and Dom’s) with a bunch of oddities on the side (like Gyan’s and Zakarello’s).

Lastly, the One Year War itself. This is a point I’ll be coming back to frequently throughout this, but; The Federation possessed a major population and material advantage over the Principality of Zeon for the entire war, and was able to deploy a staggering amount of enlisted soldiers into the war. Zeon possessed the advantage of mobile suits early on, but they were also forced to mobilise a great many soldiers. Both Sides of the One Year War lost half of their respective populations in the early stages of the war (The One Week Battle) and Side 4 Moore was utterly devastated. What I’m getting at is that there would be an awful lot of individuals with millitary training and/or technological know-how running around after the war, as occurred in the real-world World War II and Cold War (strictly speaking I’m looking at them being an easy source of millitary experience in genre fiction, but you get the idea). So you have a lot of Ex-Soldiers and remaining military equipment hanging around, and a lot of people with “legitimate grievances” to hate the other side (Warcrimes on both sides, The Earth Federation essentially doesn’t change, Zeon Remnants remain an active problem with several becoming pirates and there’s a lot of Federation “mop-up” teams going around, the precursors to the Titans).

So, The Principality of Zeon in a nutshell; Principled reasoning (i.e. Contolism), massive force, Newtypes rare and incredibly valued (since they’re essentially a living reminder of why they’re fighting and a massive force multiplier), mobile suits essentially brand new and largely experimental.

The Delaz Fleet (and Zeon Remnants in general)

The Delaz Fleet was formally created in U.C. 0081, being primarily composed of former Gihren Zabi Loyalists from the Principality of Zeon, led by Aigulle Delaz (above, left). They were most famous for Operation Stardust in U.C. 0083. I’m also going to be discussing Zeon Remnant groups in general here, since the Delaz Fleet is essentially just a very large and successful Zeon remnant group. Delaz’ goal is relatively simple - vengeance. Delaz wishes to deal a hefty blow to the federation, largely to avenge the Principality’s loss at a Baoa Qu, with much of his forces feeling similarly (note: it’s possible that, had their been less withdrawals of Gihren Faction Loyalists like Delaz, A Baoa Qu may have gone differently). The forces under his command is relatively small, to the point where he is forced to seek aid from both the Axis Advance Fleet (though this is largely in materials and recovery) and the Cima Fleet, which costs him dearly.

Delaz specifically embellishes the “cause” of Zeon, focusing less on the Principality’s totally necessary warcrimes and more on Zeon’s fight for Independence against the Earth Federation. This is relevant because Delaz reaches a wide audience, espousing his own Zeonic ideals, largely divorced from the original Contolism basis. He also blames the weakened political leadership of the time (read: that nasty Kycilia murdering his precious Gihren Zabi). Delaz is specifically the most successful of the Zeon remnants in his era, directly to the space colonies detriment, since his actions directly lead to the founding of the Titans, who brutally crack down on the Colonies.

Equipment-wise, Zeon remnant groups are a varied bunch, but typically fight using older or ad-hoc equipment - The Delaz Fleet primarily utilises upgraded machines from the One Year War - Zaku FII’s, Rick Dom’s and, most notably, Dra-C’s - mobile suits cobbled together from spare Zaku and Gattle fighter-bomber parts. Any other materials they use are either stolen from the Earth Federation or are acquired through other means.

Newtypes are kinda weird here, since there just aren’t any in 0083, and the general theme with Newtypes in other remnant groups around this time is typically that they’re either propaganda or just not very good. It’s possible that the Newtype philosophy was largely dormant for a while immediately following Zeon’s defeat - either viewed as propaganda or directly suppressed by the Earth Federation themselves (like Amuro). The Newtype philosophy likely experienced as resurgence with the emergence of the Titans, since it would have been a rallying cry for spacenoid independence once more. As such, Newtypes just aren’t a big thing in Zeon remnant groups around this era, at least as near as I can tell (Delaz is the only animated force we see, and I try not to rely too much on manga, at least for Universal Century).

So, Delaz Fleet (and immediate postwar Zeon remnants) in a nutshell; Varied Motivations (though typically vengeance or survival), Small Guerilla Force, Newtypes near non-existent, mobile suits either OYW cast-offs or stolen.

Axis Zeon

Which I admit I’m using because it’s more easily distinguished than Neo Zeon, Neo Zeon and Neo Zeon. Anyway, Axis Zeon is made up of the various Zeon remnants that fled to the Asteroid Axis after the One Year War, this includes several pilots, scientists and engineers, which ensures that Axis enjoys a massive technological edge for most of its existence. Axis, in contrast to Zeons prior, is primarily concerned with “The Restoration of the Zabi Family” since one of the people that ended up there is Mineva Zabi, daughter of Dozle and the Zabi family’s only living heir. Except Glemy maybe.

Since Mineva was of the Zabi family lineage, of course she’d want to resume their conquest of the Earth Sphere, and so Axis was reconstructed into a fortress for her to rule when she came of age, with a regent being appointed to rule in her stead, which eventually fell to Haman Karn. Haman was essentially able to use Mineva as a figurehead in order to mount an invasion of Earth, and struck at the end of the Gryps War, when both the Titans and AEUG were reeling from that conflict. It’s also notable that a lot of the Axis members we see are very young, so were raised on “The Glories of Zeon” without actually seeing the realities of the One Year War with their own eyes.

Neo Zeon also was able to develop and field newtype weaponry, with newtypes being a potent threat against the AEUG. However, they still weren’t common, and so Cyber Newtypes were fielded. In contrast to “true newtypes” who have naturally awakened to their powers, cyber-newtypes are those with Newtype potential who have been forcibly conditioned with drugs and implants in order to function for combat. Though deadly threats, they are very unstable. You may notice that this seems anathema to the Contolism Philosophy espoused by Zeon Zum Deikun, and is incredibly dehumanising to boot, signifying that Axis is barely even paying lip service to its ideals of spacenoid independence. Axis Zeon is also notable for utilising clones to supplement its Newtype forces, which…. I don’t think is strictly counter to Contolism? But it feels like it’s against it in spirit, if not in letter.

It’s especially notable that a great many members of Axis Zeon espouse things like “For the Glory of Neo Zeon” and “For the Restoration of the Zabi Family” without really understanding what they mean. It’s also notable that, barring links with surviving Zeon Remnant groups, Axis isn’t noted as being very popular with the colonial population, likely because they don’t really understand what the “Ideals of Zeon” mean, and the civilians recognise them as merely parroting Zabi rhetoric.

Axis Zeon would eventually be undone by a Civil War within the organisation led by Glemy Toto, coupled with the AEUG’s offensives. Unlike the political manoeuvring of the One Year War, the Glemy Faction coup occurs very suddenly and results in massive casualties in the organisation due to his command of the Newtype corps.

Technologically, Axis is absolutely cutting-edge. They really don’t cheap out on mobile suit development and are able to design and field a variety of units comparable to the Principality in its heyday. Axis forces are essentially the best-armed Zeon will ever be, helped massively by the sheer amount of Newtype weaponry they can deploy (they have three mainline mobile suits in the Neo Zeon War, all three seeing good amounts of production at various stages and they’re typically first pick for Zeon Remnant Groups in the U.C. 0090’s). They also have the facilities for Newtype cloning, as mentioned above.

Axis Zeon in a nutshell; Hollow Motivations (Restoration of the Zabi Family and Conquest of the Earth Sphere), large force, newtypes and cyber-newtypes prevalent, mobile suits many, varied and cutting-edge.

(I haven’t quite finished all of ZZ, so forgive me if this one’s a bit rough)

Char’s Neo Zeon/Newborn Neo Zeon

Sometimes also known as Char’s Rebellion. It was basically founded in order to accelerate space migration….. by plunging the Earth into nuclear winter and making it near-uninhabitable. Founded by our good buddy Char Aznable in U.C. 0093, there’s less to go on for this particular iteration of Zeon, basically just a movie and supplemental information. It is composed of various Zeon remnants and political factions under Char Aznable with the express purpose of instigating the Axis Drop in order to make the earth uninhabitable and stop humanity from damaging it. Which is a terrible plan, barely paying lip service to the Contolist ideals Zeon was founded upon.

That’s because it’s a lie.

Char is in fact mounting a suicide run on the entire Earth. Creating a threat so massive that Amuro will be forced to kill him to stop it. Which is rather informative. Char is essentially using his influence to hold the entire operation together, and it’s notable that a good chunk of his own forces actively move to counter his goal when the option presents itself. Consequently, there isn’t much in the way of ideals on display here - Char is famous both for being the son of Zeon Zum Deikun and for his Dakar Address when he was a member of the AEUG. It kinda seems like a lot of his support is coming from people who know him from that, as opposed to what he’s actually doing. Newborn Neo Zeon is basically headlined and held together by Char, and has the vibe of a desperate last gasp for Zeon. It’s also notable that the only time we see Char actually lead Zeon is when he’s using its name for his own ends.

Newborn Neo Zeon also has a great more political pull than many of the other groups - Char Succeeds in a lot of his goals because he’s essentially able to play the Earth Federation like a fiddle, while remnant groups happily provide him aid. Technologically he has the backing of both Anaheim and Newtype Labs. Char’s mobile suits are, while not cutting-edge as such, very well rounded. The Geara Doga and Jagd Doga both share components and a general body structure, and the only reason the Sazabi is unique is because they couldn’t make the frame suit Char’s abilities (there’s a bunch of prototype units that pave the way to the Sazabi). Newborn Neo Zeon also retains a number of Axis Zeon Remnants, which bring their mobile suits and technical skill as well. Newtypes, while not exactly common, are considerably more stable than their Axis predecessors, and are given Jagd Doga’s, which are probably the closest a Newtype machine has ever come to reliability and ease of use. There’s also the Alpha Azieru…. which is also there (I don’t really have a lot to say on it honestly, it’s just kind of another “big newtype weapon”). Unfortunately, I really don’t have much to go on here regarding how the force views its newtypes - they’re essentially just treated as a special branch of the forces, no contolist ethics here, which is genuinely pretty sad. Because it illustrates just how far Char’s fallen from the ideals he espoused at the end of Zeta, especially considering he’s the son of Zeon Zum Deikun.

Char’s Neo Zeon in a nutshell: Motivations lean Char-centric, middling force with a lot of soft power, Newtypes present and mostly stable, small mobile suit variety but what’s there is very good.

(The Geara Doga’s one of my favourite grunt suits, so I’m probably quite biased here)

The Sleeves

Last of the “main” Neo Zeon Organisations. The Sleeves is a melting pot of every Zeon remnant group going. Founded around U.C. 0096, they were led by the man called Full Frontal, known as the “ghost of char”. Due to their disparate status, they aren’t recognised as a legitimate organisation by the Federstion, instead being branded a terrorist group - which they essentially are, being an aggregation of a bunch of other informal Zeon remnant groups. This mixed nature leads to a similar diversity in views and equipment - you have die-hard contolists, Glemy faction remnants, newborn Neo Zeon cast-offs and everything in-between.

They are essentially a return to form for Zeon Remnant groups, but are able effectively leverage their limited assets to fight quite effectively, though again, they’re heavily reliant on soft power, such as their relationship with Anaheim and political connections. They don’t have the forces to steamroll through the Earth Federation, so they’re forced to adopt an almost cell-based approach (at least that’s my read on Full Frontal and Suberoa Zinnerman’s relationship). It’s an odd mix of the realities of a Guerilla war against the federation and hearkening back to Neo-Zeon groups past (who were themselves hearkening back to the days of the old Principality). I should also note that The Sleeves maintain links with several other Zeon Remnant groups, such as some of the forces that attack Torrington in Unicorn. This is interesting not just because it shows a greater deal of collaboration between these groups than seen prior (Delaz and Cima were not exactly trusting of each other), it also shows a different mechanical composition to pre-U.C. 0090 remnant groups.

They’re kind of all over the place. Which I love because it’s 1:1 with their philosophical composition - they’re remnants from a bunch of different forces and groups, so of course it makes sense that their mobile suits would reflect that. The Sleeves do possess the…. Not-quite-cutting-edge-but-at-least-new Geara Zulus and the absolutely fabulous Sinanju (s), Kyshatriya and Rebawoo, but that’s kind of all they’re at. Everything else is from at least Char’s Rebellion or earlier - there’s one-of-a-kind custom units, old axis castoffs, even some stuff from the One Year War and immediate postwar period (like that poor regelgu). A varied armament for a varied force.

However, it is notable that The Sleeves don’t really have much of an identity of their own, largely due to their patchwork composition. They’re the scattered remnants of previous causes, and this is both called out and used against them in-universe. It feels like an examination of Char’s actions during CCA - Full Frontal certainly has Char’s charisma, but he doesn’t have his drive as evidenced by his eventual goal, which isn’t necessarily a *bad* aim, it’s just not Char.

Following on from this they share Newborn Neo Zeon’s just general…. disinterest in newtypes. They’re like any other pilot, they can just use different equipment. All the Sleeves Newtypes we see are very well-equipped though, so how they precisely look at them is unclear. This could be viewed as another extension of Char’s attitudes in CCA.

The Sleeves in a nutshell: Motivations are kind of all over the place, middling-to-low-sized force, newtypes uncommon but mostly-stable (one exception) and very effective, massive mobile suit variety but quality’s also all over the place.

Conclusion

So yeah, I find each revival of Zeon different enough that I can consider them separately to each other - yeah, there’s crossover, but their attitudes change each time - the only thing that stays the same is the aesthetic and who they’re fighting against.

But why are Zeon so often the antagonist?

Out-of-universe, because they sell. But you already knew that so let’s talk about possible In-universe reasons:

Old Equipment - The Principality was *huge*. Masses of equipment, enlisted men and yes, mobile suits. We see several individuals that are able to survive on the Scrap alone - Kelly Layzner, Judau Ashta, even the AEUG utilize a Gelgoog at one point. There’s a lot of material out there, and its a hot commodity post war and the Earth Federation will be in a hurry to rebuild - they don’t have the resources to track down every case of assault rifles or damaged-but-not-irreparable mobile suit. The South Seas alliance in Gundam Thunderbolt is one such organisation, but there will be a lot of Zeon Remnants who are still functional.

Loss of Leadership, not force - Aguille Delaz personally blames the “weak political leadership” (IE Kycillia) for the loss in the One Year War, but we can extrapolate that further. The Battle for A Baoa Qu saw pretty much all the remaining Zabi High Command due within hours of each other - Gihren kills Degwin, Kycillia kills Gihren, Char kills Kycillia. These are three massive losses to the war effort in very short spaces of time. Gihren’s betrayal of Degwin would’ve been very costly for him even if Kycillia hadn’t taken revenge there and then. He deprived himself of both the Solar Ray and the Fleet that Degwin was part of. The fact he took out Revil as well merely would’ve made it an even loss - if it wasn’t for the Solar Ray being rendered unusable into the bargain. Kycilia’s revenge killing of Gihren deprives A Baoa Qu of forces as the commanders loyal to Gihren flee the scene - Delaz among them - weakening the defence overall. Finally, Kycilia is killed as she is attempting to flee to Granada, where she planned to continue the war. This leaves a great many well-armed forces at large, since their strength wasn’t spent at A Baoa Qu - forces that Axis Zeon will draw on. All it really takes to galvanise these remnants is a charismatic individual, something which isn’t exactly in sort supply in the Universal Century.

Corollary to the above - Unclear loss - A Baoa Qu was absolute chaos, so the precise mechanics of “why Zeon lost” might be difficult for the average soldier to grasp - particularly one lacking in reliable non-federation communication sources. It would be easy to look at the mess of A Baoa Qu, then look at the equipment beside you and think “Yeah, we could’ve won. Yeah, we might still win”.

Unchanged Status Quo - Zeon launched the One Year War, at least officially, in the name of Independence. The Earth Federation was governing the colonies poorly, and class inequality was high. This does not change, if anything, it gets worse, as groups like the Titans see the OYW and Operation Stardust as Carte Blanche to utterly suppress the space colonies, and carry out War Crimes at least equal to Zeon’s. A failed war might at least spark some change to prevent another one, but if anything conditions for spacenoids only get worse, so resistance groups would see an upturn in numbers.

Corollary to the Above - Spacenoid Independence doesn’t stop with the war - The Independence of the Space Colonies is still a hot-button issue which the Federation has reason to suppress. So any ex-Zeon soldiers that folded back into civilian life may get involved with Colonial Independence movements. Or, any colonial independence movement that finds the Federation isn’t listening to them might seek a way to *make* them listen - and might find Zeon Remnant Groups sympathetic to their cause.

Little oversight - Before the formation of the Titans, the Earth Federation government believed Zeon to be removed as a threat - small pirate groups, but nothing major. Operation Stardust changed all this, yes, but before that Zeon remnant groups could operate largely unopposed, especially in areas with lower federation presence.

Total Societal Upheavel - Half of the population of the Universal Century died in the One Week Battle. Side 4 Moore was completely destroyed. There’s going to be some serious societal reconstruction after that no matter how you look at it. (Sidebar - Polygamy is mentioned as being a lot more common in Gundam Thunderbolt after the OYW, due to the massive gender disparity - you could also read this as Universal Century also being supportive of Lesbians). It’s not necessarily a driving force behind Zeon Remnant groups, but it’s worth remembering.

Military Experience - The big one, in my opinion. You have a lot of individuals with military experience after the war, including Guerilla warfare. This includes all the forces that had to adapt to new environments, like fighting in space, in colonies or on earth. There’s also a massive postwar economic depression. That’s not going to breed contentment towards a weak government, especially one that wasn’t doing a good job before the war.

In a nutshell, Zeon has the experience, materials and drive necessary to continue being a problem after the One Year War, and the Earth Federation Government doesn’t have the institutional will to stop them until Operation Stardust, which leads to the creation of the Titans, which really don’t help the situation.

Feel free to mention anything I’ve missed!

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cherubofthenight · 3 months ago

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Manifesting my Dream Self 🍦🍓

i had to post this cuz i culdnt find it when i posted it privately yikes

if someone does read this, note that i do acknowledge 'her' as me and this is just to make it more fun :)

1) characterization

Determining her physical, mental and emotional traits. Her goals, her values, her morals. What is she like? How would you want people to describe her? Does she have a good relationship with her family? Does she have a s/o? Things like that.

2) bring her to life

Do as she would do. Dress as she would dress (if possible). Act as she would act. Stick by everything I decided for her. Positive self talk- which will be manual until I grasp it and it becomes automatically. Even if I slip. It’s okay, after all I’m human - I make mistakes.

3) staying on track

Keep a log of this by journalling. Create playlists that align with me. Pinterest boards that align as well and all of my social media will align with me (following blogs that align with me and my goals, subscribing to YouTubers who encourage what I'm looking for etc) so I’m surrounded by this energy.

Yuh, getting into it!

When I picture her, I see what I decided about her, thus that’s what I see when I picture myself.

So what I decided about her.

She has pretty, big doe eyes with perfect 20/20 vision, and long, full, cartoon-like lashes. Her lips are soft, plush, and two-toned, and her dark brown 4a/4b hair is healthy, thick, and long. She’s got the cutest button nose that makes you want to boop it, and her eyebrows? Absolutely perfect. Her face is beautifully balanced, with clear, glassy, dewy skin that’s soft and smooth. She’s got small hands and feet, and a pear-shaped body with curves in all the right places. And aside from her scalp, lashes, and brows, she’s completely hairless—taking care of herself is her priority.

People often compare her to a doll, but she’s known for her sweet yet take-no-shit attitude. She’s an absolute sweetheart and a treasure, and luckily, she knows it. There’s no one quite like her, and she only deserves the best. Anyone who gets to be in her presence is lucky, and she knows she’s her own muse. Despite the confidence she exudes, she’s always working on bettering herself, knowing growth is part of life. She values authenticity and surrounds herself with people who appreciate her strength and softer side.

She’s independent, self-assured, and deeply compassionate, striking the perfect balance between confidence and kindness. Her sweetness is just who she is—it’s not something she tries to perform. She’s all about meaningful connections and is always there for the people she loves. She moves through the world with a gentle grace, and her kindness reflects how much she loves herself. She never seeks validation because she already knows her worth. She’s happiest in her own peace, and her warmth radiates wherever she goes. She loves her own company and is her own greatest inspiration.

She recently moved into her own apartment, where everything reflects her style—immaculate and organized. She drives a matte black Audi RS, a white Honda CRV, and a pink Mazda Miata. Her closet is filled with the finest pieces, blending simplicity and elegance, so she’s always effortlessly chic. And of course, accessories are a girl’s best friend (besides herself, obviously). She’s committed to her well-being, practicing yoga or Pilates daily for balance and serenity. When she wants to push herself, she turns to calisthenics. She loves cooking healthy meals and experimenting with recipes to nourish her body and mind.

She’s got a boyfriend who’s intelligent, attentive, and hilarious. He has an incredible job with flexible hours, and he’s got two cars of his own. He can dance, sing, and is a family man, soft-spoken, a lover boy, and a bit nerdy, too. He’s obsessed with her (in a healthy way!) and always makes her happiness a priority. He even plans to buy her a pink Porsche 911 Turbo S (because she’s been dreaming of one).