#i’m a queer black woman with an interesting sense of humor

[thekingkai]

I hate to admit it but… Kai’s existence proves Sylvia Plath was right when she said “every woman loves a fascist.”

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

What will be in my bag? Pre-ordered Manga. Straight and Lez edition.

Here’s a list of English-released manga I’ve currently got on pre-order, and manga series I ordered before but won’t be continuing with the series.

As a note: Some of these titles have been released but I have not received them yet due to a issues with covid backlog effected how things are released.  I personally find that if you pre-order it tends to get you manga quicker.  It seems there is more pressure to keep up with the new release schedule than chip away at the backlog.

I’m starting with the stuff I’ve already read some of and confirmed enjoyment, then stuff I’m shooting in the dark for, and finally series I have tried recently and have discontinued.

Heteros

My Androgynous Boyfriend

Story & Art by: Tamekou      Publisher: Seven Seas

It is rare for straight shit to end up in my library but My Androgynous boyfriend is an exception that will surprise no-one since it’s pretty queer adjacent.  This story is mostly a couple being lovey-dovey between jokes about sexuality and gender but (so far) isn’t problematic at all.  The female lead is quite enjoyable as she’s well-balanced and has agency throughout. There’s even ace representation! It’s very low-stakes, wholesome, and sweet so far. (Volume 3 is set to release in November.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

Yuri/Lesbian

Even Though We’re Adults

Story & Art by: Takako Shimura  Publisher: Seven Seas

Takako is also the creator of Sweet Blue Flowers and Wandering son.  I have dipped by toe in to both those series.  I overall find their writing kinda meandering and tepid (might just be me) but technically pretty solid.  I am hopeful for this series since it features adults....if the title didn’t make it obvious.  I was intrigued by the one character being married but the man finding out about the affair quickly and reacting more realistically and interestingly than the average male love interest in a Yuri.  I also found myself relating at bit to Akari’s angst about being unlucky with relationships with women.  I also do enjoy the artwork! This one is the most likely of my followed series to be dropped at some point. (Volume 2 of this manga was set to release in June this year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

For more click the jump!

Kase-san and Yamada

Story & Art by: Hiromi Takashima  Publisher: Seven Seas

This is a series I keep going back to.  While it is the very typical low-stakes bubbly, cutesy School age Yuri...it is a very good version of that.  Just warm bubble bath vibes. (Volume 7 is set to release in February of next year.  I think it was originally supposed to be released this May but was bumped back.)

My Excitement Level: The gentle about to sink into a bubble bath variety

NOW ONTO THE SERIES I HAVEN’T READ BUT I’M TAKING A CHANCE ON!

Adachi and Shimaura

Art: Moke Yuzuhara Story: Hitoma Iruma  Publisher: Yen Press

This, as I understand it, is a slow-burn romance about two delinquent girls.  I have heard good things about the novel and the anime series!  However I prefer manga to novels and don’t have a funimation account so I went to snag it in manga form. (Volume 1 was set to release in February this year and 2 in September)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

The Girl I want is so handsome!

Story & Art by:Yuama     Publisher: Seven Seas

The premise is a young lady has a crush on a handsome older girl who’s oblivious to her advances.  When she tries to confess she instead gets roped into being the club manager of the basketball team that her crush is a part of.  So it feels like it may end up cycling through 2 jokes and be so deep in the stereotypical manga bullshit you can easily-predict its beats volumes in advance. HOWEVER that is also a premise that is similar to Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun which is legitimately a hilarious series. Also I fucking love butch/stud/masc-presenting women/AFAB people.  So I’m willing to risk “The same Anime bullshit” for good jokes and a cute lezzy romance with a beautiful butch.  (Volume 1 is set to release of December of this year.)

My Excitement Level: Pretty nervous actually.  I hope it works out!

Monologue Woven for You

Story & Art by: Syu Yasaka     Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gives up on a career in theater gets tangled in a relationship with a woman passionately pursuing theater.  Since it is set between college age women, and appears to be about more personal and mature themes I am interested. (Volume 1 I BELIEVE is supposed to be released in February of next year.)

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

Mizuno and Chayama (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Yuhta Nishio     Publisher: Yen Press

Two daughters of feuding families meet in secret.  This is by the same author of After Hours.  I read a bit of After Hours and found it fine but boring since it seemed without conflict.  Conflict doesn’t seem to be in short supply with a story like this!  While I enjoy the sugary-sweet high school lesbian romances...those are not in short-supply. So I am always hungry for something darker, meatier, more mature. (Volume 1 is set to release next February) 

My Excitement Level: Cautious Optimism

5 Seconds Before The Witch Falls In Love

Story & Art by:  Zeniko Sumiya     Publisher: Seven Seas

It appears to be a playful fantasy about a Witch and Witch-hunter who’s antagonism turns romantic.  This may end up one note and stupid...but I’m always hear for queer romances set in high-fantasy and I haven’t read a Yuri where rivals turns to lovers. (Volume 1 is set to release next February)  

My Excitement Level: Low-key

Catch These Hands! (No page yet so far as I can tell.)

Story & Art by: Murata     Publisher: Yen Press 

A former delinquent runs into her high school rival.  After losing a fight to her she agrees to her terms...her terms being to go out on a date with her.  I mean the title alone makes me want to pick it up!  It may run afoul of bad anime humor, but I’m hoping with the fact that it’s full of gay adult delinquents that it’ll be a little different.  (Volume 1 is set to release next February)  

My Excitement Level: Medium-key

Series I have discontinued:

I’m in love with the Villainess

Art by: Aonoshimo  Story by:  Inori   Publisher: Seven Seas

A woman gets reborn into her favorite Otome game but she wants to romance the villiain!  I had heard a ton of great things about the novel but I picked up the manga version. (If the novel is totally different I can’t speak to it.)  For me, the writing is ham-handed, the jokes flop 90% of the time, and the fact the lead’s only personality trait seems to be ~obsessed with a bully~ really dampens this title.  Her advances are so aggressive and unwanted I honestly started feeling bad for a spoiled rich bully.  I will say it’s saving grace is the fact that the lead is masochistically into the villainess’ tsundere abusiveness. For me I hate tsundere romances if framed like, “I like you DESPITE your insults.” It is only tolerable if it’s instead, “I like you cause you tell it like it is. I’m a dirty little pig. Please step on this bad little piggy!”

Our Teachers are Dating

Story & Art by: Pikachi Ohi      Publisher: Seven Seas

Well one reason I stopped the series is that cover you see up there.  The sex in this series is fade to black but FOR SOME REASON the 3rd cover has them both butt naked.  But on a less superficial note, the story is about two teachers who start dating.  And while cute at points, I was just underwhelmed.  I think a part of it, is the fact that this behaves like a stereotypical high school romance...and while set in a high school...these are grown ass women not 15 year olds.  So I have less patience with the, “Gosh when will I get to kiss my girlfriend?” bullshit.  I mean, I would hesitate to call it bad...but it’s just not a good version of it’s brand of bullshit.

Breath of Flowers

Story & Art by: Caly                       Publisher: Tokyopop

Absolute train-wreck, this is hands down the worst Yuri I have ever bought.  The story is nonsensical and all over the place.  There is a love rival who’s trying to break the two of them up so she can get with Gwyn...but then switches mid-gear to put in a lot of effort to bring them together intentionally...but she also still wants to hook up with Gwyn...it’s very ????????????  The main conflict of Gwyn is hiding their gender so they can play basketball on the boy’s team (not well explained) is built up hugely and resolved with a hand flick.  There is a melodramatic moment where a school nurse says more or less, “GIVE IT UP YOU’LL NEVER BE A BOY!” And it’s like “OH SHIT! The fact that Gwyn is on the basketball team is cause he’s a transboy trying to live life as a boy! Oh gosh it makes so much more sense now!”  But the author seems to not even know that trans people exist cause the story bumbles along as if that scene never happened.  The closest we get is at the end Gwyn is like, “Look I’m learning to do make-up on myself to make you happy lawl!” Which is I GUESS supposed to be, “NO NO DON’T WORRY ALL OF GWYN’S GENDER STUFF WAS JUST THERE TO MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER SEXUALLY CONFUSED WHEN SHE DISCOVERS GWYN’S TRUE GENDER!  HER TRUE GENDER IS 100% CIS WOMAN CAUSE SHE DID MAKE-UP ONCE! IT’S FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!” Like whaaaaaaaaat?  And it ends on a very random scene which doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the story.  Ugh just very bad do not interact!

A White Rose in Bloom

Story & Art by: Asumiko Nakamura    Publisher: Seven Seas

At an all girls catholic school a young woman falls for a mysterious foreign student.  I grabbed this cause it’s gay and I overall like Asumiko Nakamura’s work (she also does Doukyusei, double mints, and others.)  However I was just not grabbed with this title.  I just felt like I wasn’t getting what was making the MC pants on head obsessed with Steph.  Also the lead’s mother tells her that she’s getting divorced and therefore will no longer have money to pay for the university and she’s framed like a super bad person for this.  Like I get why the MC (a teenager) would think that something like that is THE END OF THE WORLD! But I remember them really framing the mom like a selfish bitch for this...when like...it’s well established that her mom and dad’s relationship has been toxic for YEARS and that they TRIED SO HARD to fix it.  OH WELL!  This might be good but it just didn’t grab me in the 1st volume.

I’ll make a post on the BL titles later! Take care and Stay Rotten!

[templeofshame]

Alex in the Club: A Mark of Oxin analysis

[last Mark of Oxin analysis here]

The earliest instance of "Phil in the Club" is actually Alex in the club, in The Mark of Oxin. Young Phil's heaven features a club, complete with flashing neon lights, vague nudity, and propositions for casual sex with two angels of multiple genders. (It is, however, large and sparsely populated, and no one seems to be dancing.) It also has no apparent narrative significance for the game, but as the only implied sexual content in the game and with the opt-in establishment of our hero as potentially bisexual, it carries weight for the AmazingPhil narrative.

When we arrive at the club, it's notable that the sign says "Pub." It seems from my limited research that RPG Maker has a default pub sign and not a default club sign, so that's probably all there is to it. It seems highly unlikely that he didn't know the difference between the two, but that thought does remind me of a cultural reference he did have for a somewhat baffling club: The Bronze in Buffy. It blurred those pub/club lines while also sometimes functioning as a coffee shop and largely catering to teenagers and the supernatural, so there could be traces in Phil's pub/club.

Inside the club, we have catgirls and the naked man. I don't have the background to dig into the cultural influences young Phil's catgirls may have had; from my research, there are catgirls in some Final Fantasy games; based on Phil crediting Shawna with introducing him to anime, I'm guessing that video games would be the cultural inroad for him. For Phil, though, meowing and cat ears definitely came up throughout his early YouTube years, and it's hard for me to imagine that they didn't appeal to young Phil. People much smarter and more knowledgeable than me have done some great analyses of The Furry Question re: Phil, and I'd love to be able to say something more significant about young Phil and catgirls from a furry perspective, but my feeling is that the catgirls in Phil's club were NPCs that Phil introduced to relate to rather than oogle, but that also served an SMG-esque purpose of Straight Illusion. The "naked man," on the other hand, (looks like he's wearing a loincloth to me) seems to fall on the queerer side of things. Because in the club, young Phil was definitely walking a line of dipping a toe into queerness in front of his friends, but with room for ~heterosexual explanations~ of Phil the goofy teenager.

Because, yes, the most notable thing about the club is the angel threesome. The closest we get to a romantic plot is something Alex wants to tell Emily and doesn't, but as soon as he walks into the club, he's presented with a vague sexual invitation specifically for an encounter with a female and a male angel. It's not the stereotypical straight male fantasy of a threesome with two women; it's the queer element we were all looking for, perhaps using the idea of that fantasy as a shield. Just as Dan discussed in BIG, there seems to be safety for Phil as well in talking about bisexuality before he could fathom telling his friends he's gay (as also with old formspring answers etc.). Through the threesome, he could give his hero a sexual encounter with a man without focus being put on that (we never see the man) and with the "balance" of a sexual encounter with a woman very much present. And maybe he was still, at that point, figuring out his sexuality beyond knowing he liked boys and potentially trying to fit into a mold that said he should like girls (it was the same era as The Breakup). Beyond the genders involved, the threesome has the benefit of making the whole thing feel a little over the top, something easily laughed off, as Phil does in the video, as him being a silly teenager. It's a smart sort of plausible deniability way to make his friends interact with fictional queerness and for him to put it down into this game, to give it a sort of space outside of his head.

I think the question of how innocent Phil was or wasn't in his youth is always interesting, and the threesome is an interesting angle to look from. We've got the potentially bold choice to include a threesome with strangers Alex met at a club – definitely not bringing the "I wanted to go on a real date" vibes – but also the manner in which he handles it. The words he chooses are very vague; the fact that the implication is clear really lies in how little is said at all. Because anything but the Taboo Subject of sex would be more specific about what's being joined and thanked. It's a fade-to-black sexual encounter, without any sense of where they go or what they do besides... it's sexual. There's a kind of (age-appropriate) innocence in that, in having vague cultural ideas about things like threesomes, but avoiding really saying anything about it. (I'm probably personally biased here because I relate to throwing around vague sexual humor for the approval of my peers while I was actually a grayace girl still years away from a vague sense of maybe what sexual attraction means. That is obviously not Phil's situation. But we do know that he wanted to fit in and have the kind of firsts his friends were having, and we've seen some of his awkward attempts at a relationship at the same age.)

Overall, this brief scene that doesn’t seem to have plot significance has a lot to dig into: an approach to queer representation as a closeted teenager who was trying to date girls, playing with sexual humor from a fairly innocent standpoint, and even touches of the great furry debate. Maybe, if you want to see plot significance, Alex’s sexual compatibility with angels could foreshadow the fact that he’s half angel, or it could normalize casual sex among angels that could explain what Shila and Satan were doing procreating (and leaving the kid with mortals). Maybe?

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

The Last Word: Shirley Manson on Fighting the Patriarchy and How Patti Smith Inspires Her

The Garbage singer also talks racial justice, living for now, and why legacy is an inherently masculine concern

Almost as soon as Garbage’s self-titled debut blew up overnight in 1995, their singer, Shirley Manson, became aware of the patriarchy running the music industry. Even though she was the group’s focal point — belting dusky electro-rock songs about making sense of depression (“Only Happy When It Rains”) and taking pride in nonconformity (“Queer”) — she was still a woman fronting a band of men, one of whom, Butch Vig, had produced Nirvana’s Nevermind. Almost immediately, she felt as though her role in the group was being devalued — not by the guys she worked with, but externally.

“There was a lot of stuff written about me in the music press, and that’s when I started to realize how I’m being diminished, how, in some cases, I’m being completely eradicated from the narrative because I’m female and not a man,” she says now. “I was talked over by lawyers; I was ignored by managers. The list goes on. It’s boring and tedious; there’s no point in me moaning about it now, but certainly, that was my awakening.”

That revelation emboldened her to speak out about equality and she quickly became a feminist icon, using her platform to bring attention to human rights, mental health, and the AIDS crisis. All the while, she wrote inclusive hit songs with Garbage about androgyny and reproductive rights (“Sex Is Not the Enemy”). On Garbage’s great new album, No Gods No Masters, she grapples with racial injustice, climate change, the patriarchy, and her own self-worth. But as weighty as the subject matter is, she approaches each song in her own uniquely uplifting way.

“I don’t think really the record is serious, per se,” the singer, 54, says, on an early May phone call. “I think it’s an indignant record. I think in indignance you can still carry humor with you, as well as softness, kindness, and love in your heart. I just felt it would be inauthentic to say anything other than what I was saying in my daily life across the dinner table from my friends and my family. I think as you get older as an artist, the challenge is, ‘How I can be my most authentic self?’ because that’s the most unique story I can tell. In an industry that’s just absolutely jam-packed to the rafters with ideas, opinions, melodies, and so on, you can’t afford to be anything other than your most authentic self. It won’t last.”

Authenticity and being true to herself are the qualities that have made Manson who she is. And those traits seem to guide her answers to Rolling Stone’s questions about philosophy, life lessons, and creature comforts for our Last Word interview.

What are the most important rules that you live by? I’m 54, which is ancient for the contemporary music industry. At this point, I feel like if it’s not fun, then I’m uninterested entirely. If somebody’s treating me poorly, I have to walk away. Life is so fricking short, and I’m three quarters of the way through mine already; I just want to have a good life, full of joy.

Who are your heroes and why? Patti Smith is a huge hero for me for a lot of different reasons. Most importantly, it’s because she’s a woman who has navigated her creative life so beautifully and so artfully, with such integrity and authenticity, and she has proven to me that a woman, an artist, does not have to subscribe to the rules of the contemporary music industry.

It’s very rare for other women to see examples of women actually working still in their seventies. That, to me, is really thrilling and really inspiring, and it fills me with hope. At times when you come up against the ageism, sexism, and misogyny that exists in our culture, I always try and picture Patti in my mind’s eye, and it always brings me back to center, like, “OK, adhere to your own rules. Design your own life. Be your own architect. You can continue to be an artist the rest of your life.” And to me, that’s life. That is a fully lived life.

You’re also a role model yourself. How do you handle that responsibility? I’m a bit speechless if the truth be told. I realize that I’ve now enjoyed a long career in music, and by default, I think people are inspired by that. I think whenever you see an artist, no matter who they are, when someone can endure, I think that’s exciting to everybody else, because it’s a message that says, “You too can get up when you think you’re done. You too can brush yourself off and try again.” By just continuing, you can help other people continue and fulfill themselves in ways that they thought they wouldn’t be able to.

I try to be a decent person. I make mistakes. I fuck people off. I say stupid shit. I’m not all-knowing; I am ignorant in so many ways. But I do try my best. I think that’s really all I can ask of myself.

How others perceive me is absolutely out of my control. There’s always going to be people who think I’m an arsehole, and that’s just part and parcel of being in the public eye. People are just going to hate on you, so I try not to take too much of it in; I don’t let it absorb me too much. I have gotten to that point in my life when I’m able to just go, “You know what? Fuck it. You can’t win them all.”

You once said that the idea of legacy was a masculine construct that you don’t believe in. Do you still feel that way? Yeah. I still very much believe in that. I know a lot of male artists who bang on about their legacy and their importance. Not to knock that if that’s what’s important to you but for me personally, what do I care? I’m going to be dead and gone and totally unconscious of any so-called legacy that I might leave behind. I want fun now. I want to have a good life now. I want to eat good food now and have great sex. It’s absolutely meaningless to me what happens after I’m gone. I want to use my time wisely, and that’s all that I really am concerned with, to be honest.

What is it about legacy that’s inherently masculine? This is armchair psychology, so please forgive me, but I’m sure it has something to do with how women have this uterus that can bear children. I think that’s profound. One of the few gifts that men have not been given is that ability to create with your body, and your blood, and your heat and all these nutrients from your body. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why you don’t hear as many women banging on about the great legacy they’re going to leave behind. I think for women it’s their kids.

You’re Scottish. What is the most Scottish thing about you these days? I’ve got a lot of grit, and it’s served me really well in my career. I think that is a really Scottish trait. The Scottish people are tough, and they also have a good sense of humor. So, grit with humor. I should say “gritted with humor,” in the same way we grit roads.

As you were saying “grit,” it occurred to me that a lot of your songs are about survival and moving forward, going back to “Stupid Girl” or “Only Happy When It Rains.” They’re about perseverance. [Pauses] I think it’s funny you should say that because I’m just sort of like, “Wow, he might be right.” I do think that a huge theme for me is, “How do you overcome? How do we all overcome?” Things can be great for a while; things will not be great forever. And to every single life, these challenges appear. We all have to reconfigure ourselves in order to try to hurl ourselves over obstacles in order to have the kind of life we hope for. So I do think you’ve shocked me a little by discovering a theme for me. Yay, I feel thrilled. I have a theme. It’s exciting.

“Waiting for God” is one of my favorite songs on the album because of the way you address racial justice. How can we, as a society, fight white indifference? You know, that’s a question right there. It’s interesting that you use the words “white indifference,” because one of the things that shocked me so greatly is the ambivalence and the apathy of white people all over the world who are seeing what we’re seeing on our TVs and on the internet, and yet not having the moral courage to speak up. I think the most important thing we can do is pull back the carpet to see the mess on the floor in order for us to actually start cleaning it up.

If we could curtail some of the brutality of police against black people, that would be a good start. I think it’s going to be decades and decades and decades before we can start to really equalize our societies so that everyone is enjoying the spoils of Western wealth over in the developing world. It’s necessary that we try and help these countries that aren’t as powerful or as wealthy. It’s good for the whole world if we start to improve situations for everyone. Nobody will lose anything, and everyone has everything to gain.

But if I had the answers to how we go about fixing it, I would be in politics and not in music. I just know what I believe to be right, and I’m doing my best to use my voice to try and encourage my friends, my little ecosystem, to start with paying attention and supporting black businesses and elevating black voices and black talent.

What’s your favorite book? I have so many. The one that springs to mind would be American Pastoral by Philip Roth. I loved All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy. I loved The Collected Works of Billy the Kid by Michael Ondaatje. I loved Winnie the Pooh and Wuthering Heights. I’ve got so many that have really stuck with me that are classics.

My most favorite recent book that I’ve just finished reading is Dancer by Colum McCann about [Russian ballet dancer Rudolf] Nureyev. I was just absolutely mesmerized by it. It was just such a fantastic read, and he’s such a miraculous writer. He brought out Apeirogon last year about the struggle in between Palestine and Israel. He talks about this complicated mess with such clarity, kindness, and generosity. I couldn’t believe Apeirogon didn’t get more fuss made of it last year. Somehow it just seemed to get buried in the morass of other books, and of course the suffering that Covid had brought upon the earth.

What advice do you wish you could give your younger self? “Take up your space.” When I was growing up, to be a girl was to be told to minimize the space you took up: “Close your legs. Don’t be loud. Smile. Be cute. Be attractive. Be pleasing.” I inherently balked against that as a kid. I was a rebellious kid, and I wasn’t going to sit in the corner and be quiet. I’ve never been like that. However, looking back, I still notice some of the patterns of my own compliance. It’s not that I hate myself for it, but I just wish I could turn around and say to my young self, “Take your seat. If there’s not a seat there, drag a seat up to the table and sit down.”

I’m still really aware of the sexism and misogyny that I have had to battle throughout my career. I’m not crying, “Woe is me,” because I’ve obviously flourished in my career, and it obviously didn’t hold me back enough to hamper me in any way. But I feel for all the women who were unlike me, who didn’t have my forcefulness of personality, or my education, or my ability to articulate myself. I want that for all people, though; I want all people to stop trying to please, and accept that some people will like that, and some people won’t, and that’s OK. It’s OK that some people just don’t dig you.

On the topic of gender, I got a kick out of your song “Godhead,” where you ask if people would treat you differently “if I had a dick.” I’m really proud of that song, because I think it’s talking about something really serious, and it’s really fun. It’s about addressing the patriarchy, and how omnipresent it is. When I was young, I was so busy trying to make it, I didn’t see that there was a patriarchy in place. And it’s only as an adult, I start looking back going, “Oh, wow — when that A&R man told me to my face that he wanked over pictures of me, that was really uncool.” But at the time, you kind of laugh it off and just press on.

I was oblivious to it. In this song, I’m talking about how patriarchy bleeds into absolutely everything, specifically under organized religion. The “Godhead” is the male, and we are all under the godhead forever, and that’s unquestioned, and how crazy is that? Because a dude holds a higher position in society, because he’s got a dick and a pair of balls. Often, these balls are smaller than my own [laughs].

It just gets silly after a while, when you watch other men protect other men just for the sake of protecting the patriarchy. So few men are willing to speak up about bro culture and call into question the behavior of the men they are associated with. There’s just a reluctance by men to address this absolutely shocking, terrifying, depressing, pathetic assault by men of other people’s bodies.

In 1996, your bandmate Butch Vig said about you, “So many singers screamed to convey intensity, and she does the opposite. It just blew us away.” How did you come up with that approach? I don’t know. I’ve found that when people speak to me quietly, I feel the most threatened because I’m really comfortable with conflict. I thrive on conflict. It excites me in a funny way. When people are shouting, I don’t feel scared. I like to shout back; that’s just how my family were. We’d just start to shout at each other all the time. I’m not scared of elevated temper. For me, when people get really quiet, that’s when I know they’re really serious, because they’re in control of their rage, and that’s when they’re most deadly.

The last question I have is a shallow one. I love being cheap and superficial.

What’s the most indulgent purchase you’ve ever made? At the height of my success, I hired a person who would shop for me and then send everything in a big box to my hotel room. I would choose what I wanted and return anything else. One day, this beautiful pair of Italian leather boots arrived. I wore a pair very similar in the “Stupid Girl” video, and I thought, “Oh, yeah, these are really me. I’m going to keep these. These are amazing.” It was only when I got back from tour, I found out they cost $5,000. I can’t even laugh about it. It makes me so crazy. I still have these boots. I’d like to get rid of them just so that I never have to look at them again, but there they are every day, warning me of my own greed.

[guamlove]

GL-776 Unverified

25/F/Dededo

Tinder suck and new to Guam about almost a year living here. 

Let's try this...I hope you like to read because this will be long.  

A little bit about me as a person:

I'm a 25 year old woman from California. Won't tell you which city I'm from but let's say it's the city of stars.

I'm an honest, open-minded, empathetic individual. I like silly stuff and I can be a goof but I also have a dark sense of humor. I'm an introvert (INFJ-T if you're into the MBTI stuff) and a hopeless romantic.

I'm also quite nerdy about certain topics like technology, psychology, Asian culture (I know right?!), food, music or whatever I'm into at the moment and when I get into things I usually spend a lot of my time reading about it or watching videos about the subjects.

Stuff I like:

Food: I looooove trying new things. I love Thai food, Japanese food, Chinese food, Indian food, all the foods! Jk, I'm quite picky, but I do love to try new foods. I'm also a big tea drinker. Not a big fan of alcoholic beverages, but a beer (dark beer!) or cider once in a while is ok with me. I have a sweet tooth so anything that involves chocolate, pastries, cakes or biscuits is welcome.

TV shows: I've enjoyed a few. The Office, Skins UK, The Alienist, Parks and Recreation, Orange is the New Black, Sex Education, The End of the F***ing World, Normal People, Atypical, Silicon Valley, Mr. Robot. I also enjoy Queer Eye, it's so refreshing to watch and you end up feeling good about the world, ha.

Books: LOTR saga, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Killing Eve saga, A Hundred Years of Solitude, The Bell Jar, Normal People, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, The Hating Game.

Hobbies/activities: Going out to eat of course, walking, going to the park, going to the beach, going on little hikes (I really enjoy nature) or simply relaxing on the couch while watching something stupid (I'm a sucker for random content like Extreme Cheapskates or My Strange Addiction 🤣). I also like to draw, play guitar and read. Not a party/clubbing person at all, I prefer a small gathering with close friends :)

What I'm looking for:

I want an honest relationship, I'd like someone who can be my best friend and my partner.

I need someone secure about themselves, preferably an extrovert so we can have balance (lol), independent, open-minded, honest, caring, loyal, genuine and passionate. I love when people aren't scared of showing their feelings or saying what they're thinking, communication is key, everybody! Also if you don't have goals in life then I'm not interested, sorry.

The hard truth: I'm looking for people between the ages of 25 to 35. I'm attracted to people taller than me if you're a male; if you're a female then I don't care that much. Average or atheltic build, good hygiene (shower and brush your teeth), goal oriented, smart, educated, preferably not a smoker (I don't smoke and hate the smell) or involved with heavy drugs (weed is fine, not a fan myself though).

Lastly, if youre filipino, please DM me immediately LOL. I have a thing for filipino guys

[unfolded73]

Husbands: Two Years In (5/5) - schitt’s creek ff

Here it is, the final chapter!  There's nothing I can say that can get across how touched I've been by the comments on this fic. The number of people who have shared things about their own struggles with mental health -- I'm not worthy of it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

While I'm including this fic as part of the "Labels" series, the preceding fics are not required reading. Previous fics in this series: Boyfriends; “I Love You”, Partners, Fiancés

Warning: This fic deals with depression as one of its major topics.

Rated Explicit, this chapter 4718 words. (ao3)

Thanks to @high-seas-swan for cheerleading and B13_MaybeThisTime for many valuable comments (and also cheerleading).

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 5: Winter

“So how was your week?” Jessica asked.

Patrick always felt like he should plan before therapy what he was going to talk about, but he never remembered to do that.

“It was a little crazy. The holidays at the store always are, although it’s very lucrative. The money we make in December will carry us through at least half of the upcoming year,” he said, pinching the webbing on one hand between his thumb and forefinger of the other.

“And did you feel more equipped to handle that? The busy store, and all your responsibilities around that? Especially with Christmas a few days away?”

Patrick shrugged, feeling obstinate. “I don’t know.”

Jessica let a silence settle, waiting for him to talk. Patrick hated this part; it made him feel like he was failing at therapy when he didn’t know how to fill that silence. What the right answer was. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the sofa cushions, calling her bluff.

Finally, she relented and spoke, and Patrick felt like he’d won a round of whatever game they were playing. “You’ve never said much in here about your sexual orientation other than to talk about your husband and to say that things with your family are good. Was it always that way?”

Patrick tried not to roll his eyes. He knew this would be coming eventually. He’d been avoiding the subject of Rachel or his coming out process because he knew it would be something Jessica would fixate on. “I’m not depressed because of being gay, or… or anything to do with that. I love being gay.”

She smiled genuinely. “I’m glad. But humor me.”

“My parents always accepted me,” he said quickly, but that felt like a lie even though it was technically true.

“How old were you when you came out?” Jessica asked.

Patrick let out a frustrated sigh, seeing no way to avoid the truth now. “I was… I was in denial about being gay for a long time.” Might as well get it all out, he thought. “When I was twenty-nine I broke off an engagement to my high school sweetheart — who was a woman — and moved away from my hometown. Pretty soon after that, I realized I was gay.”

“That must’ve been hard,” Jessica said.

“Yeah, but once I got through it and… and got together with David, I’d never been happier.”

He couldn’t help but see the smile she gave him in response to that as patronizing. “New love can flood the body with so many good chemicals that it swamps out all of the bad ones.”

Patrick narrowed his eyes. “Are you saying I wasn’t happy?”

“No, I’m saying that the way you’ve framed things in some of our past sessions — that you were depressed before you moved here, and then you weren’t, and now for some reason you’re depressed again… that may not be the right way to frame it. Do you think perhaps it puts a lot of pressure on David as the source of your happiness?”

“I don’t put pressure on David,” Patrick protested.

“Is it possible that you put pressure on yourself, then? When it comes to your relationship with David and its importance in your life?” Jessica asked.

Patrick huffed and didn’t answer. Now she was contradicting herself from one sentence to the next.

“When did you come out to your family?” she asked.

“That isn’t why I’m depressed either,” he said.

Jessica sighed like he was finally challenging her constant state of serene acceptance. “Untangling the web of depression isn’t straightforward. It might be helpful to pull on different threads and see what they’re connected to. Okay?”

Patrick supposed that made sense. “Okay.” Then after another pause, he admitted, “It took me a while to come out to my parents.”

“Why is that?”

He stared at Jessica’s bookshelf for several seconds, his eyes running over the titles without reading them. “I worried that my parents wouldn’t be okay with it. They didn’t talk about gay people when I was a kid, really. Or when they did, they made it sound like a sad thing that we needed to tolerate because it wasn’t a choice. You know, that brand of ‘tolerance’ that is just that and nothing more.”

She shot him a sympathetic look. “It’s understandable why you were hesitant to come out to them.”

“But they were great about it. It wasn’t long after coming out to them that I asked David to marry me, and they were great. They love him, and all my worries were unfounded,” he said, trying to figure out why tears were threatening to spill over.

Jessica took a few seconds to rearrange herself, setting her ever-present portfolio aside and leaning forward on with her elbows on her knees. “I understand that, looked at a certain way, you’ve had a purely positive experience with coming into your sexuality. You had David, who from what you’ve said before is a very loving person. And based on what you’ve told me, you live in an accepting community. And then your parents stepped up and were there for you when you asked them to be. That’s all wonderful, and not to be discounted. But it doesn’t change the fact that for all of your formative years, when maybe on some subconscious level you did know that you were gay, or at least different in some fundamental way, you didn’t feel like your parents or the community you were living in would accept you. That kind of experience leaves a mark, even though everything turned out fine.”

She smirked, leaning backwards again. “Or not. Perhaps your serotonin is low due to simple physiology and I’m completely off the mark.”

Patrick felt strangely reassured by this honesty, this admission that she knew that she didn’t know everything. “So I need medication, then?”

“Maybe,” she said. “Medication might help. Or cognitive behavior therapy could help you. Or both together.”

His reassurance quickly dissolved, leaving Patrick wanting to scream at his therapist, fix me, goddammit! Instead he said, “That all sounds very nebulous.”

She grinned. “From what I know about you so far, I bet that’s driving you crazy, and I’m sorry about that. Can you bear with me for a little while, though? Work through the process?”

He sighed. “I’ll try.”

~*~

Patrick drove past the empty storefront on Elmdale’s main street as he was leaving his therapy appointment. He’d noticed every week that the ‘for lease��� sign was still in the window. After the second time he saw it, he’d texted Ray to ask if that was the space he’d mentioned to David. David hadn’t said anything about the second Rose Apothecary location in a while, but it didn’t take a genius to guess that he was still thinking about it, and probably wondering when Patrick would be ready to seriously entertain the idea again.

On impulse, he pulled into one of the parking spaces that lined the street and got out of the car, walking over to the empty storefront. The windows were covered in paper, but he could see enough through the gaps to make out that it had a scuffed up hardwood floor. It would need to be refinished, he thought, but it looked like it was in pretty good shape.

The smell of coffee attracted Patrick’s attention, and he looked over to see that there was a coffee shop next door. Grind House, the sign that hung under the awning said. Curious, Patrick went over and opened the door.

The barista looked up and waved. It being around two in the afternoon on a weekday, the place was mostly empty other than two people at a table in the corner who were huddled over laptop computers. The shop was decorated tastefully for Christmas, and he thought David would approve of the warmth and coziness of the space.

“Hey, what can I get you?” the barista — Taylor, her name tag read — asked him with a smile. Tattoos snaked out from under the sleeves of her t-shirt, black ink against dark brown skin.

“A small earl grey tea?” he asked.

“Sure thing. Is that it? We’ve got a few pastries left.”

His eyes strayed over to the pastry case. “Yeah, could I get a couple of those butter tarts to go? My husband is a real connoisseur.”

Taylor grinned at him. “Smart man.”

“Hey, what do you know about the empty space next door? Do you know if there’s been any interest in it?”

“Oh man, I’m still bummed about that. It used to be a comic book shop. I was afraid to go in there for the longest time — comic stores aren’t necessarily the most welcoming places to black queer women, you know? But the old guy that ran it was super nice. I remember he made a point of telling me when Ta-Nahisi Coates started writing Captain America.”

“What happened to the store?”

She shrugged. “Amazon drove him out of business, I guess. That’ll be $9.25,” she said ringing up his tea and butter tarts. As Patrick put his debit card in the reader, she added, “Why do you ask?”

“Oh.” He scratched his cheek. “My husband and I run a store in Schitt’s Creek. Rose Apothecary?”

“Holy shit, really? A friend gave me some of your lotion for my birthday. It’s great.”

Patrick swelled with pride. “Thanks. Anyway, we’re considering opening a second location in Elmdale.”

Taylor smirked, handing him his tea and a box with the tarts. “Sorry, I can’t allow you to have a store right next door to my coffee shop. I’ll spend all my profits there.”

Laughing, Patrick accepted his purchases. “Oh, well. Guess we’ll have to look for another place, then. Although David would return the favor, I’m sure.”

“What���s your name?” Taylor asked.

“It’s Patrick Brewer,” he said, setting the tea down again to shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Patrick. I’m Taylor. And I hope you guys get the space.”

“I… do too,” he said, surprised to find that he meant it.

The store was bustling when he got back to Schitt’s Creek, and David and Bethany were both busy with customers. Patrick put the box of butter tarts in the back room and went to work restocking Christmas decorations. Given how many decorations they sold every holiday season, Patrick had to assume that by now every Christmas tree in Elm County was fully outfitted in David Rose’s aesthetic.

As soon as David finished with the customers he was helping, Patrick went over and put a hand on his shoulder. “I got you something for your afternoon break,” he said. “There’s a white box on the table in the back.”

David’s eyes lit up, and he hurried into the back before he could be waylaid by another harried holiday shopper.

They didn’t have a chance to exchange any more conversation until Bethany finally flipped the sign on the door to Closed and locked up. Patrick felt dead on his feet, but he had to admit that the thought of all the money in the cash register made him feel pretty good. Bethany went to work cleaning the windows while David leaned against the center table.

“Oh my god, Patrick, where did you get those butter tarts? Those are the best ones I’ve had in years.”

Patrick walked over and put his arms around his husband, pulling him into a hug. “A little coffee shop in downtown Elmdale that happens to be next to an empty store that I believe Ray mentioned to you a couple of months ago.”

David pulled out of the hug, his eyes darting back and forth as he studied Patrick’s expression. “It’s still vacant?”

Nodding, Patrick leaned up and kissed David’s cheek. “We should call Ray after Christmas and go take a look at it.”

“Are you sure?”

Patrick shrugged. “No, I’m scared as hell. Among other things, I’m afraid I’m going to miss having days like this with you, working together in our store. But I want to go look.”

David kissed his lips gently. “Okay.”

~*~

Stevie stood shivering on their back porch, bundled up in her hat and puffy parka. “It’s way too cold for this,” she said.

Patrick exhaled pot smoke in a crystalline cloud of breath and handled the joint back to her. “Our families are getting here tomorrow and I don’t want the house to smell like weed.” He giggled. “It doesn’t match David’s holiday aesthetic.”

His phone chimed, and he took it out to look at it, expecting a complaint from David. Instead the text was from his cousin. There were no words, just a picture of Justin pressed cheek to cheek with another boy.

Patrick: Who’s this?

Justin 🌈: his name is Jonah

Patrick: Very cute. And closer to your age, I hope?

Justin 🌈: 🙄 you sound like my mom he’s 18

Patrick: Good. Merry Christmas, Justin.

Justin 🌈: thanks you too

Then a text arrived from David, just as Patrick expected. She’s got even more luggage than last year.

Patrick laughed. Maybe it’s a lot of presents for you, he texted back.

David: You give my sister entirely too much credit.

Patrick: See you soon.

“Why are you suddenly so fucking popular?” Stevie groused, her teeth chattering, handing him the joint back as he put away his phone.

“Sounds like Alexis’s flight got in on time,” he said. “And my cousin Justin has a new… boyfriend, I guess?” He took another hit.

“I can’t stand this anymore; I’m going inside,” Stevie said, taking the half-smoked joint from him and carefully extinguishing it, then putting it in a crumpled sandwich bag that she produced from her coat pocket. Patrick followed her back into the house. “Is this the cousin that you rescued a while ago?”

“How many gay cousins do you think I have?” he asked, pulling his coat off.

“I mean, statistically? Given how many cousins you have? More than one.” She flopped down on the sofa and stretched out on her back. “So are you liking your therapist any better?”

Patrick dropped into the overstuffed chair across from her. “I don’t know. As I predicted, she’s starting to fixate on my sexual orientation and…” He gestured airily in a very David way. “All that.”

Stevie turned her head and regarded him balefully. “The fact that you were in denial about being gay until you were thirty? And didn’t come out to your parents until you were ready to ask David to marry you? Is that what ‘all that’ is?”

“Fuck off,” Patrick grumbled.

“I’m just saying, there’s probably some stuff to unpack there.”

“Stevie, I’m completely comfortable with being gay,” he said.

“Didn’t say you weren’t. It’s not about you being gay, but maybe it’s about how you get so wrapped up in your obligations to other people that you lose track of yourself. Or that you’re so obsessed with not disappointing the people you care about that you have a hard time being truthful about who you are or what you need.”

Patrick blinked. “Wow. Maybe you should be my therapist.”

Stevie laughed. “The problem is, I need to be high to have these deep insights.”

They settled into comfortable silence for a few minutes. Finally Patrick admitted, “I don’t like the way it makes me feel cracked open.”

“What does?” Stevie asked, her mind clearly having wandered.

“Therapy.”

“Oh. Yeah, I don’t think I could deal with that either,” Stevie said.

“It’s like… you know how if you pick up a big rock in moist soil, there’ll be all these bugs underneath it?”

“Ew,” Stevie said in a perfect imitation of David, and the two of them burst into gales of laughter for a while. When Stevie finally got control of herself, she said, “Sorry, what about the bugs?”

He wiped away tears from his cheeks. “It was a metaphor for my brain. I’ve got a lifetime of practice not moving those rocks. I don’t know if I want to know what’s underneath them.”

“Yeah, I get that.” She stretched her toes out, brushing them against the arm of the sofa. “You know you’ll be okay though, right?”

Patrick felt a swell of love for Stevie and he would have hugged her, but it would probably be weird. Also he was comfortable in his chair. Maybe he’d hug her later.

When David arrived from retrieving Alexis at the airport, Patrick put his coat back on to help with the luggage. David opened a bottle of wine and turned the lamps in the living room off, leaving only the light from the Christmas tree to illuminate the four of them as they settled in to talk.

They told Alexis about the new location in Elmdale that they were considering leasing, and she made some marketing suggestions that were good enough that David went and retrieved his journal from the bedroom so that he could make some notes.

“One thing I’ve seen businesses do to get market penetration is sponsor relevant conferences,” Alexis said. “Like, professional association meetings. Then they get their business name and logo printed on everything for the conference — tote bags, lanyards, USB sticks, all that stuff.” Her free hand that wasn’t holding her wine glass flopped around to indicate all of the stuff.

“We don’t really have general store conferences,” Patrick said, bemused.

Alexis rolled her eyes. “But it works for other events too. Summer festivals, parades, whatever.”

“Elm Valley has a pumpkin festival every year,” Stevie said.

Patrick was starting to have a germ of an idea related to what Alexis had said. He sipped his wine and filed it away to mull over later, when he was sober.

Tomorrow, Johnny and Moira and his own parents would arrive and things would take a turn for the chaotic, but for right now, Patrick could enjoy the warmth of David’s hand on his shoulder as his husband bantered happily with his sister and his best friend. Leaning into the crook of David’s arm, Patrick smiled and tried to soak up all of the love in the room, an inoculation against the darkness that might lurk around the next bend in the road.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” David murmured against his spine later in their bed. Their kisses had been drowsy and a little bit drunk as they decided that sex was happening tonight in spite of their houseguests. Alexis was in the guest bedroom and Stevie had zonked out on the living room sofa, David tucking an afghan around her shoulders before he and Patrick went to bed themselves.

“It’s not Christmas yet,” Patrick said with a chuckle, writhing, pressed against the sheets as David worked him up and up.

“I know it’s not technically Christmas, but tonight was so nice,” David murmured into Patrick’s shoulder, words alternating with kisses. “It filled me with holiday spirit.”

Patrick tried not to laugh, he really did, but it was a losing battle. He made an attempt to smother his giggles into his pillow.

“If you say something about me filling you with the holiday spirit, it’s over between us.” The things he was doing to Patrick with his fingers belied that statement.

Laughing again, Patrick pushed his hips back against David’s hand, and then his laughter turned into a moan, and then neither of them said anything coherent for a long time.

~*~

The first town council meeting of the new year came on a grey January afternoon, the threat of snow on the horizon. Everyone was subdued and low energy, even Roland, and Patrick felt drowsy, struggling a little bit to pay attention and type at the same time that they discussed several budgetary issues. A lot of the topics were the same every meeting, with tiny, incremental changes almost too small to detect. Or worse, they were recurring issues that indicated no progress had been made at all.

When they got to the bottom of the agenda, Ronnie asked if there was any new business, and Patrick almost didn’t say anything. The idea that had occurred to him during the holidays had seemed strong on a happier day. Today, he wasn’t sure he had the energy to argue for it. But then he thought about the things Ronnie had said to him about queer activism, and he thought about Taylor and her coffee shop, and he opened his mouth.

“Have we ever considered having something in Schitt’s Creek for Pride?” he asked.

Ronnie raised her eyebrows. “What, like a parade?”

“No offense, but it might be kind of a sad little parade,” Roland said.

“No, not a parade. Like, a street festival. Tents with food and other vendors and LGBT educational booths. Opportunities for people to find out about meetings in the area. Maybe a stage with speeches and musical performances. And we don’t have to limit it to only Schitt’s Creek. I looked into it a little, and even Elmdale doesn’t have anything like it. We could draw vendors and patrons from all over Elm County.”

Ronnie crossed her arms. “Sounds like a way to line your own pockets. I assume Rose Apothecary would be one of the vendors?”

Patrick met her gaze. “I’m sure the rest of council could be counted on to keep us on a level playing field with everyone else. Come on, Ronnie. Can you honestly say it wouldn’t be a good thing for the community? And a good way to bring money into the town?”

She tilted her head in acquiescence. “Put together a formal proposal and we can vote on it at the next meeting.”

“I’m going to vote ‘yes,’” Bob stage-whispered to Patrick.

“Thanks, Bob.”

After the meeting had adjourned, Patrick went over to Ronnie. “I thought later this month I’d go to that Thornbridge LGBTQIA+ meeting you told me about. See what they’re doing and make some connections. Ask if they’d be interested in helping out with our Pride festival.”

Ronnie stared at him for a second. “Your festival idea hasn’t been approved yet,” she said.

“Assuming it’s approved,” he said, unable to keep himself from grinning. “Would you like to go with me?”

“You want me to spend hours in a car with you, driving to Thornbridge. Really.”

“Come on, Ronnie. Someday you and I are going to have to bury the hatchet for good.” He put on his most guileless expression, the one that caused David to accuse him of weaponizing his eyes. “Why not in service to the queer community, of which we are both pillars?”

She almost, for a split second, looked like she was going to crack a smile. Instead she sighed. “Fine. Let me know when it is. I’ll see if I’m available.”

~*~

They celebrated signing the lease for the new store with pizza at David’s favorite spot in Elmdale. There were paper hearts colored by children in the front window, and it reminded Patrick that he only had a few days to find a suitably tacky gift for David for Valentine’s Day. It wasn’t worth it if he couldn’t get David to threaten to divorce him on this, David’s most hated of holidays.

While they waited for their pizza, Patrick reached across the red and white checkered tablecloth and took David’s hand. “Thank you,” he said.

David had been fiddling with his phone, but at the sound of Patrick’s voice, he set it face-down on the table and gave Patrick his full attention. “What for?”

“For being there for me so many times this past year. For… for putting up with me at my worst.”

A crooked smile threatened to erupt on David’s face. “Patrick, you know your worst is still pretty good, right?”

“I hope you’re not still grading me on a Sebastien Raine curve, David.”

David rolled his eyes at that. “No, I’m just saying that maybe you don’t have the most objective perspective on what being married to you is like.” His eyes softened. “I’m as happy being your husband today as I was the first day. Okay?”

Patrick swallowed around a surprising lump in his throat. “Okay.”

“You’re nervous about the new store,” David surmised.

“I am, but it’s the right decision,” Patrick said with confidence.

“I’m nervous too,” David said. “Don’t mistake my outward confidence for anything other than a thin veneer over all of my anxieties.”

That statement automatically put Patrick into reassurance mode. “The marketing ideas from Alexis are going to be helpful. The customer base in Elmdale is huge and has more disposable income compared to what we’re used to at home. I’ve run some numbers, and I think the revenue from this location may outstrip our Schitt’s Creek location in a matter of months.”

David grimaced. “Well, that somehow makes me feel irrationally protective of our first store. It doesn’t deserve to be the under-achiever.”

Squeezing David’s hand, Patrick said, “Never. I fell in love with you there, and there’s nowhere in the world more important to me than that store.”

“We can make new memories at the new store,” David said softly.

Patrick knew, realistically, that he and David probably wouldn’t be spending that much time together at the new store after they got it open. They’d have to split time between the two locations, and there would be even more work to do out on the road, expanding their vendor base to support the increased demand.

David seemed to read his thoughts. “And when we spend our days apart, it will make being at home together in the evenings that much more precious.”

“Yeah,” Patrick managed to say, his voice raw. He averted his eyes from David’s piercing gaze, staring out the window between the gaps in the paper hearts. “Can you… can you talk to me more about that?”

David smiled and rubbed his hands together. “Well, imagine a day when I’m at the store here in Elmdale, and you’re at the store back at home.”

“Are you at the one in Elmdale because of Taylor’s pastries?”

“Shhh,” David said, reaching out with a finger like he was going to put it over Patrick’s lips. “I leave the store a little early, letting one of our trusted employees close up, and I bring home some wine and cheese from the store. Maybe some of Heather’s new triple cream.” He closed his eyes like he was having an erotic fantasy about Heather Warner’s cheese.

“Wine and cheese that you pay for,” Patrick said.

“Naturally. Oh, and fresh berries. It’s summer, and there are berries in season. So I set everything up on the kitchen table, just in time for you to arrive home from the other store. And we drink wine and eat cheese and we tell each other all about our days. The sun is setting, and the light is all golden,” David said.

“I like this story,” Patrick replied. “Then what happens?”

“Eventually we move to the sofa. Maybe watch some TV or listen to some music. We put our feet up and finish our wine and you remember something funny that you saw on the internet and you tell me about it. And then when we get tired, we go to bed.”

“What happens then?” Patrick asked as their server set their pizza in front of them and David grabbed a slice.

David’s mouth twisted into a crooked smile and he waggled his eyebrows. “The rest of the story is very interesting, but you’ll have to wait to get home to hear that part.”

“Hmm, okay.” Patrick reached for his own slice of pizza.

“Hey,” David said, drawing Patrick back to looking at him. “I love you. I can’t wait to see what the next year brings for us.”

Patrick smiled. He felt bolstered, lifted up by David’s support and for once, he allowed himself to feel good about it. “Me either, David.”

[long-bodyswap]

Switch

by Dirk Steel (dirk_steel@excite.com)

I was working out at the gym like I did every Thursday night. But this night seemed a bit odd. Barely anyone else was here. Mr. Asito, the night janitor was doing his usual duties. Kathy, the desk clerk, was signing out and heading for home. Dan, Phil and Ted were talking about getting some action at the local bar as they went out the door.Of course Doug and Matt were still here. Being the personal trainers for the gym, they were always working out. Doug was an incredible specimen. He looked a lot like Marcus Reinhardt, the professional bodybuilder, but even taller. At six-foot-two he was a sight to behold. Blond hair, blue eyes, broad shoulders, thick square chest, narrow waist, huge quads and calves. He looked just like a Nordic god. Matt, on the other hand, looked like the all-American football jock. Five-foot-ten, 220 lbs. of pure muscle. Wavy black hair, jet black eyes, bushy eyebrows, Roman nose, square jaw and high cheek bones, a chiseled six-pack, beefy forearms and 19-inch biceps. His shoulders were so well defined; he looked like he was wearing shoulder pads.It took all of my strength not to stare at Matt while I worked out. In my mind he was the "perfect" man. He just oozed masculinity. His voice was at least an octave lower than mine. Unfortunately, he made it perfectly clear to everyone that he was all man, and 100% straight. I had even hired him to help me train a few months ago, but he seemed to sense that I had more in mind than just training, and asked Doug to help me instead.Doug was a different story. 

Quiet and sensitive, I had a feeling there was more there than met the eye. There were rumors around the gym that Doug had a thing for Matt, but no one ever had enough nerve to ask Doug if it were true. Matt was always trying to set up Doug with a variety of women. But Doug never seemed to take an interest. A couple of times while changing clothes, I noticed Doug looking over Matt's body a little longer than a straight guy would. My "gaydar" was definitely going off.Doug called over to me and asked if I needed any help. I said "Sure, thanks". Matt rolled his eyes and went off to run on the treadmill. "Looks like you've been putting on some muscle, David.", Doug said. I smiled knowing that my gains had been minimal at best and that Doug was just being kind. "Yeah, I think you'll be ready for competition in no time." Now I started laughing. "Sure, I'm a 6-foot-one, 170 lb. walking Greek statue". I said with a smirk. "Don't be so hard on yourself...", Doug said, "we all can't look like Matt". "If only that were possible.", I said. "Well if it were possible, I'd have a lot better luck with Matt than I'm having now." I'm sure I must have had a shocked look on my face when I looked over at Doug. I couldn't believe he was being so open and honest. "Listen David, I know you're gay. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. I just thought it would be nice to have a gay friend I could confide in. I always have to pretend to be the straight jock when I'm working out with Matt." 

I didn't know what to say except, "Thanks." Doug continued, "I know you've got a thing for bodybuilders. I've noticed you checking Matt and me out on a number of occasions. I've always been flattered by it. I had wished that I felt the same way about you, but I have the same desire for bodybuilders that you have. I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from." "I do, Doug. I could tell just by the way you look at Matt." "Matt? That's a whole other story there. I don't know what's going on with Matt. Ya know, I'm going to take a walk around the block. I've got a lot of things to think about. If you see Matt tell him I should be back in about 20 minutes. Thanks, David. You're a real friend". Doug kissed me on the cheek and left for his walk. I felt a real attraction to Doug, but knew that nothing could ever happen between us.While I was working out on the ab crunch machine, I was watching Mr. Asito vacuuming around the various pieces of equipment. He had a big smile on his face. I wondered why he seemed so happy doing such a menial chore. Just then he turned to me and said "A job well done is a job worth doing. It gives one a feeling of pride." It was almost as if he were answering the question I was thinking about. Then I remembered hearing stories about how Mr. Asito was into mystical things like potions, spells and even magic idols. I figured it was just a joke based on Mr. Asito's age and Asian background. "It is no joke, David.", he said. "How did you..." I started to ask, but he interrupted, "There are unexplainable forces that man cannot fathom, but can be used if one learns the old teachings." I smiled back and humored him by saying "I'm sure there are." He knew I really wasn't taking him seriously, smiled, and went back to vacuuming. 

I went back to doing my crunches, understanding how all of those stories about him got started. Suddenly I heard a loud clanking sound behind me. Mr. Asito had accidentally hooked the vacuum cord around the weight tower and now it was beginning to rock back and forth. I jumped up from the ab machine and ran toward the weight tower hoping I could stop the rocking. But it was too late. The tower started falling towards him. I pushed him out of the way just as the weights fell to the ground with a loud crash."Are you ok?" "I'm fine, David. No harm done.", he said as he slowly got up off the floor. "You scared me half to death. It looked like you were right in the path of those weights." "Thank goodness you were nearby. The outcome could have been different." "I'm just glad you didn't get hurt." "Now, maybe there is something I can do for you?" With that he put his fingers from both hands around my face. I started to move backwards but felt compelled to stand still. He looked deeply in my eyes, as if he were looking right through me. I felt a chill run up my spine. "You have desires that are beyond the reality of this world.", he spoke in a trance-like state. "The one you wish to be, also wishes the same of you. Sometimes those who live their lives a certain way really long to be free of playing the role they feel they were forced to portray." His hands dropped from my face and the trance was broken. "Sometimes the impossible is possible... as you will see." Mr. Asito winked at me, turned and left the room.I stood there wondering what had just happened. It all seemed like some sort of weird dream. "You have desires that are beyond the reality of this world." How did he know about my desires? I've never shared my desires with anyone. I decided that Mr. Asito was just a kooky old man that liked putting on a show. That was a lot easier than believing all of that crazy mumbo-jumbo.I went back to my workout as if nothing had happened, all the while feeling that something strange had just taken place. After finishing my circuit training, I heading for the locker rooms. Matt walked in just as got to my locker. "What was that loud bang I heard?" "The weight tower almost crushed Mr. Asito.", I replied. "What were you doing messing with weights that heavy? You've got to be in shape to handle that kind of weight.", Matt said snidely. "I'll keep that in mind, thanks." "I didn't think guys like you were interested in getting big like me." "More than you think, Matt." Matt flexed his right arm into a bicep pose. He rubbed the peak of the bicep with his left hand, caressing it as though he was getting turned on by his own fondling. He knew how much I was enjoying the performance. I tried to act like I wasn't impressed, concentrating on the task at hand... not getting an erection. It wasn't working. I could feel my dick swelling in my pants. 

Matt saw what was happening. "What's going on down there? I think your dick is confused. It must think I'm one of those Baywatch babes. You might want to have a talk with it -- God, I don't even know why they let queers like you workout here! Shouldn't you be at some sort of bathhouse, sucking some guy's cock?", he sneered then turned away. "Ya know Matt, contrary to what most people think, most gay people don't go to bathhouses." "Whatever.", he said coldly.Matt opened up his locker. "What the hell is this?" He reached into his locker and pulled out a black ring. "What's this doing in here?" He looked over at me. "Is this from you?!" "No, Matt. Of course it's not from me." "I wonder who put this in my locker?" He looked at it closely. It appeared to be made of black onyx. It was square on top, with a recessed square in the middle. It had some foreign writing around each side. "Weird", is all Matt could muster. He decided to slip the ring on his index finger. "It fits like a glove, and looks pretty cool. I'll have to find out if Kathy bought it for me." "Kathy the desk clerk?" "Yeah, Kathy the desk clerk! Who did you think I meant?" "Nobody." I knew that Kathy wouldn't have given Matt the time of day, let alone an onyx ring. She had told me on a number of occasions how put off she was by Matt's egotistical personality. In fact, I couldn't think of any woman at the gym that seemed to like Matt.I took off my t-shirt and opened my locker. There sitting front and center was a black onyx ring, just like Matt's. I picked it up and examined it. It had the same kind of writing, but instead of a recessed square, the square was sticking out of the larger square base by about a quarter-of-an-inch. "Look what I found?", I said as I slipped it on my finger. "What the fuck?! Where did you get that?" "Same place as you. In my locker -- I guess that rules out Kathy." "Are you sure you didn't buy these as engagement rings, hoping I might come around?", Matt smiled smugly. "I don't think so, Matt."He walked over to compare the two rings. They looked identical except for the tops. "This is so strange", Matt said, "they look like the same ring. It almost looks like your ring will plug into mine." Matt was right, it looked like the post on the top of my ring would fit into the hole in Matt's ring. 

Curious, Matt reached over and snapped his ring into mine.Both rings started to glow. Matt pulled away, but the rings wouldn't come apart. The lights in the locker room started to dim. Then a cold breeze began to swirl around us. We both stared at each other with frightened looks on our faces. The rings glowed brighter and brighter. The glow started moving up our arms. A sudden jolt of electricity went through our bodies. Both Matt and I went rigid from the wave of energy passing through us. I felt like I was burning up. I could see that Matt was experiencing the same thing. Then, suddenly, the rings separated from each other. We were both beginning to sweat. Matt looked relieved and started to back up, but realized that he couldn't move his legs. I tried to lift my legs and was also unable to move from my spot. The rings started glowing brightly again and Matt doubled-over in pain. I tried to reach for Matt when I felt an extreme cramping of my stomach muscles. I grabbed my stomach, and clinched my teeth from the intense pain. I could feel something happening under my hands as a held my stomach. The muscles felt like they were getting tighter and tighter. The layer of fat that was there burned away, and muscles started forming right underneath my skin. I could actually feel a washboard stomach growing right under my hands. My abs were now hard as a rock. Finally the pain subsided. I stood up straight and immediately noticed Matt. His stomach had lost most of its definition. It was almost smooth... just like my stomach used to be. Then I looked in the mirror, just to the right of Matt, and noticed how developed my abs had become. It looked like I had been doing sit-ups for years. I reached down and slowly ran my hands across my stomach and felt every ridge and crevice. It seemed like I was having some sort of out-of-body experience.The rings started to glow again, and soon our entire bodies were glowing with energy. Matt had a strange look on his face. 

Then I noticed what was happening to him. He was starting to change. His chest was slowly caving in. It was losing its thickness. His arms were getting smaller. His lats were narrowing. His thighs were becoming less defined. His calves were shrinking. His tight waist was starting to widen and his shoulders were slowly deflating before my eyes."David, what's happening to me?!", Matt yelled in a voice that didn't sound as deep as usual. "I'm not sure, but I think I have an idea!" I saw Matt getting thinner and taller. Then I realized that not only was Matt growing, but I was starting to shrink. I felt a sudden rush of energy fill my chest. My chest was getting heavier. I could feel it becoming engorged with blood. I looked down and saw it expanding, getting wider and deeper. My nipples were growing, moving out and down to the sides. I could see muscle fibers appearing under my skin. I moved my hands over my chest and felt how thick and hard it was becoming. I touched my larger nipples and a shudder went through me, down to my crotch. Then my arms started to get heavy and they dropped to my sides. My biceps started swelling up, as if something was filling them with blood and muscle from the inside. I could feel my triceps growing, getting heavier. My forearms were becoming thicker and wider. My right arm involuntarily swung up into a bicep curl. It felt like I had a hard baseball buried under my skin. Thick veins started snaking down my biceps. More veins appeared down the inside of my forearms. 

My hands were becoming thicker, longer, more rugged looking. Fine black hair was forming on my forearms and legs. Then my arms started moving out from my sides. My lats were growing. They were filling in, getting thicker and wider. My legs started to cramp up on me. I grabbed my calves and felt them growing under my hands. In a matter of seconds they had grown to over twice their original size. My quads and hamstrings were tightening, becoming thicker and more defined. Striations appeared when I flexed my thigh. I could see all of the muscle groups separating. My glutes started burning. I reached behind me and felt that they were getting smaller, tighter and more round... it was very erotic, feeling my own sexy bubble butt forming under my hands.I looked over at Matt.

He didn't look like Matt anymore. He had lost a lot of muscle mass. He was taller and thinner. His face was less angular. His square jaw was rounder. His jet black eyes looked dark brown. He looked a lot like... me. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw that we looked almost like identical twins. We were both very well built, ruggedly handsome looking men. Just then a funny thought had crossed my mind. I imagined that if it were possible for Matt and I to conceive a child, he would have grown up to look exactly like we did at that moment. But then ten or fifteen seconds had passed and I actually started to look more like Matt than he did. Matt realized what was happening. 

"You're becoming me! Why is this happening?!" "I don't know Matt...", I said in a voice that sounded more like his than mine, "just hold on if you can, I think it's almost over." Matt tried to pull his ring off, but it wouldn't budge. Matt continued to grow thinner and taller. His face was slowly changing into mine. His eyes changed into a lighter brown. His hair went from dark brown to sandy blonde, curly to straight. His high cheekbones moved down his face, and became less angular. I saw the anchor tattoo on his right shoulder slowly fade away then reappear on my shoulder. Then I saw my old appendix scar gradually appeared on his body. I glanced down at my stomach and saw that it was gone.I continued to get bigger and more muscular. I felt my rib cage growing and stretching, making more room for my expanding chest. I could hear my bones shifting, cracking, repositioning themselves. 

With every breath I took, I could feel my frame growing wider and thicker. I looked in the mirror and saw my lats expanding, pushing my arms further out to the sides. I watched as my shoulders inflated. I could feel the muscle fibers forming under my skin. They began to look like melons attached to my thick, massive arms. My waist continued to tighten. I looked down and saw my abs were even more defined than before. My legs were becoming so muscular they started to rip my cut-offs at the seams. I could feel my face contorting, my features changing. My teeth were moving in my mouth, shifting position. They were being remade, becoming straighter, more aligned. My jaw was getting wider, more square. As I looked in the mirror, a cleft slowly appeared in my chin. My nose was narrowing. My eyes were getting darker. My eyebrows had become thick and black. My brow was thickening and protruding over my eyes, giving me a masculine "neanderthal" look. My skin tone was darkening. I couldn't believe what I saw when I looked in the mirror. My face now looked like a G.Q. model... it looked just like Matt. 

In just a matter of minutes I had become the man I had always fantasized about. I smiled and saw Matt's perfect pearly white teeth smiling back at me in the mirror. I caressed my face with my lumberjack-sized hands. I felt my high cheekbones, my Roman nose, my sexy 5-o'clock shadow. My dick was stirring in my shorts. I looked over at my big, round shoulder and saw Matt's anchor tattoo. I slowly rubbed it with my hand and felt the thick, hard muscles underneath it. Normally, I didn't care for tattoos, but on his well-defined arm it looked really sexy and masculine.The ring's glow and the cold breeze slowly faded away. Matt and I just stood there for a couple of minutes staring at each other. Both of us were drenched in sweat. Matt was standing 3 feet from me in my body. It looked so strange seeing my slender body in his clothes. 

His big muscle tank top was draped over my tall, narrow frame. Then I saw my reflection in the mirror. It was so incredible I couldn't stop staring at myself. I was looking at myself through Matt's dark, sexy eyes. When I blinked, Matt's reflection blinked. When I raised my thick black eyebrows, my reflection did the same. When I smiled, I saw Matt's gorgeous smile looking back at me. I still felt like this was some sort of incredible dream. Finally, I took my gaze away from the mirror and slowly looked down at my new body. It was the body of a Greek god. But instead being carved out of white marble, it was made of muscle and bone. Every body part in perfect proportion, all covered in a paper-thin layer of bronzed colored skin. My tanned, chiseled chest was sticking out from me like a slab of granite, moving in and out with every deep breath I took. My ripped abs were carved into my lean torso. I put my hands behind my head; then I blew as much air out as possible while tightening my stomach. I saw my abs form a perfect chiseled 6-pack that any man would have been envious of. I looked past my ripped abs, and saw that my quads had become as thick as tree trunks, each muscle group was clearly defined and separated. 

My skin looked like it had been painted on. There wasn't an ounce of fat anywhere on my body. My calves had grown to three times their previous size. I flexed my right calve and saw it separate into two distinct muscle groups. Each a perfectly formed diamond shape. I looked back up at the mirror and swung my right arm into a bicep curl and felt it with my other hand. I could feel the pumping blood coursing through my veins, filling the 19-inches of muscle. My bicep felt as hard as steel. It was surreal. I bounced my pecs up and down, feeling the weight of my newly formed chest. I did a lat spread for the first time. I could feel the thick muscles stretching out from my torso, my arms moving away from my sides, my shoulders rising in the air. These were things only a bodybuilder could do. Only then did I realize that I now possessed the body of an incredible athlete. As much as I disliked Matt, I had to give him credit for sculpting his body into such an amazing piece of art. I did a double-bicep pose and let out a loud, deep yell. "I can't believe this is happening to me!!!" Matt jumped back, intimidated at the sight of my new found strength. "Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you, Matt." "Thanks David, considering that's my body you've got there, I would appreciate that." "Since I do have your body, I might as well have your clothes too." With that, I pulled the muscle tank top off of Matt and slipped it on my chiseled form. Matt was shocked that I would be so forward. I slipped on the tank top over my sweaty body. It fit like a second skin. It clung to each section of my 6-pack, my thick chest, and my v-shaped torso. I walked over to Matt's locker and pulled out a pair of Speedo posing trunks. "I don't think you'll be needing these for a while, so I thought I might borrow a pair." Normally, Matt would have beat the crap out of anyone taking stuff out of his locker, but he knew he was in no position to argue with me. I quickly slipped off my tattered shorts and briefs. 

Matt noticed my hard-on, and was embarrassed to find himself getting aroused. I looked over and saw him trying to hide his erection. "Gee, you might want to go find one of those bath houses I've heard so much about." Matt's looked embarrassed, and his face turned bright red. I slid the Speedos over my muscular legs, slowing moving them over my throbbing hard-on. They were small and tight, conforming to every curve of my "package". They definitely didn't leave anything to the imagination. I could clearly see the head of my penis through the stretched, elastic material. My tight balls hanging underneath, each clearly defined. I walked over to the mirror, and was in awe. I had always fantasized about being a bodybuider, wearing a pair of sexy Speedos, and putting on a show in front of a mirror. The thought that this had become a reality was an incredible turn on. I was on the verge of cumming."Matt, your body is so amazing, I can't believe what kind of shape it's in!" "Thanks... I worked a long time to get it in shape, so what ever you do, don't damage it." "Well Matt, the body you're inhabiting isn't exactly chopped liver. For starters, you're over 3-inches taller than you were before, you're in pretty good shape, and now you are the owner of a very large piece of meat." Matt unzipped his shorts to find a soft 9-inch dick. "Whoa! You're fuckin' huge." "Thanks, Matt. I thought you might find it enjoyable." "My dick is only about 5-inches... sorry about that.", Matt said. "No problem. Size has never been that important to me." "Really. Well, if you had a small dick like mine, it would be. I've always wanted to have a huge piece of meat like this to play with." Matt smiled and started jerking himself off. 

While he was enjoying his new best friend, I started posing in front of the mirror, just like I had seen hundreds of times in all of those bodybuilder videos that I owned. I did a side chest, then an ab crunch, single bicep, double bicep, then a most muscular pose. Feeling the blood coursing through my pumped up arms, chest and legs was an incredible rush. My 5-inch dick was now hard as a rock, pulsing with the rapid beat of my heart. I took off my Speedo and grabbed my pre-cum soaked rod and started pumping. A few minutes later we both came, and shot our loads across the locker room floor. We had just wiped ourselves off with a couple of towels, when Mr. Asito walked in."So David, still don't believe in those unexplainable forces?" He was staring at me in Matt's body. "I do now, Mr. Asito." I showed him a double bicep pose. He smiled. "You did this to me?!", Matt chimed in. "You did it to yourself, Matt.", Mr. Asito answered back. "What are you talking about, it was the rings you gave us that did this to us." "That's only partially true. The rings allow the transference to take place, but they will only work if both parties wish for it to happen." "You mean I wanted to change bodies with David?" "In a matter of speaking, yes." "Why would I want to change places with that gay guy?" "Why indeed?" Mr. Asito started to leave the room. "You can't just leave me like this! Come back here!" 

Mr. Asito turned around, "Matt, no matter what happens, you and David will always be connected by the rings. David wears the dominant ring, which controls the passive ring, which you wear. This will make you a willing participant to any future transference he desires. You will have no say in the matter. But right now you have a much more important task you must reach deep within your soul and find the truth with which you are afraid to face. Until this happens, you will not be the man you long to be." "What do you mean, the truth with which I'm afraid to face? I'm not afraid of anything. I don't understand." "You will Matt." Mr. Asito left the room."I don't believe this is happening" "I know Matt this is pretty unreal. Let's just try to make the best of this. Let's get dressed and figure out what we're going to do." "The best of this?! My muscles are hijacked without my permission, and now I'm stuck in this body until I face some sort of truth within my soul. No, let's not make the best of this!" I felt a sudden surge of anger flow through me. 

I grabbed Matt under his arms, lifted him up and slammed him up against the lockers. "You ARE going to make the best of this, understand!", I roared at him in his deep voice. I could see the fear in Matt's eyes. Then I remembered that Matt was in my body, and that I had Matt's powerful muscles that could do real damage. I slowly put Matt back down on the floor. Matt moved back a couple of feet, afraid of what I might do next. "I'm sorry Matt, I don't know what came over me. I've never felt like that before. It was strange, the feeling of power that went through me. Are you ok?" "Yes, I'm fine. We wouldn't want to damage these goods, would we David." "No we wouldn't, Matt." We both smiled and got dressed.Doug walked in right after we closed our lockers. "Hey Matt, did David tell you I went for a walk?" Matt, in my body, was about to answer, but I cut him off, "Yes, he told me. No problem Doug." "What have you guys been up to?" "More than you can imagine. I feel like I've made quite a few gains.", I answered. "In 20 minutes? What kind of gains could you have possibly made in 20 minutes?" "A lot more than I expected." I smiled at Doug. 

He was taken aback. I think he saw something in my smile that Matt had never shown him. Matt looked over at me with a smirk, wondering what was going on. "Doug... David and I were going to go back to his place to talk about some methods of putting on muscle mass. Do you mind if we get together later tonight?" Concerned, Doug said "Matt, you're not going to do anything bad to David are you?" "No, trust me, I'm not going to hurt David in any way. Isn't that right David?" "Yeah, don't worry Doug, Matt's not going to hurt this body. Besides, I'm really interested in learning how to gain muscle mass fast." "Ok, as long as nothing bad happens to David, then it's cool." "So, I'll give you a call in a couple of hours Doug" I said with the biggest, sexiest smile I could muster. Doug looked pleasantly surprised and smiled back. Matt and I headed out the door. Matt was wondering what I was up to. He was suspicious that I would actually give him back his body, and that would be the end of it. He was right, of course. I had other more interesting plans in mind.

Switch - Part 2

 I took Matt's keys out of his pocket and headed for his Corvette. Matt protested, "Hey, you're not going to drive my Corvette are you?" "While I've got this body, I guess this is my car, right?" "Fine, drive my car." "Besides, I thought we'd go back to my place and switch bodies back. Unless there's something else you'd rather do?" "No. Let's get rolling!" Matt hopped in the passenger's seat and closed the door. As we were heading for my apartment I could tell that Matt was really anxious to get there. "Matt, having my body hasn't been THAT terrible an experience has it?" "Well, to be honest, I have enjoyed being taller and having your huge dick, and actually you're not in that bad of shape." 

"That's what I thought. Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else?" "Sure. I guess so.", Matt pondered, "Sometimes I wish I didn't have to act like the 'tough jock' all of the time." "Isn't it tiring putting on a front like that?" "Yeah. I get sick of it. I'm so busy living up to that image, I don't even know who I am anymore." "I think that's what Mr. Asito was talking about." Matt sat there quietly, thinking about what we had talked about. I could tell he was having a hard time dealing with his bottled up feeling. Finally we arrived at my apartment.After we stepped inside, I locked the door. "So David, are you really going to give me back my body?" "Yes, Matt. I plan to give you back your body." "Plan to? What do you mean 'Plan to'?" "Well, I do have a few conditions." "What kind of conditions, I'm afraid to ask." 

"I'm going to have access to your body whenever want. If I feel like having a workout in your body, we'll switch. If I feel like taking a shower in your skin, we'll switch. If I want to show off your body at the beach, we'll switch." "You can't be serious?" "I'm totally serious, Matt. But, if you'd rather I keep this hot bod permanently, no problem." "No, it's just that... you mean whenever you want to borrow my body, I have to let you?" "That about sums it up. If you want to have your body back you'll have to be available to swap whenever I want." Matt knew he didn't have any other options but to say yes. "Sure David, whatever you say." "I think you made the right decision Matt. But before we make the switch, I thought we could have some fun first." "What kind of fun?" "First I want you to put on the smallest clothes I've got in my dresser. Then were going to get my weight set and a bottle of baby oil and bring them back into the living room." "What are we going to do with weights and baby oil?" "Well Matt, I figured that you'd be so grateful to get back in your body that you wouldn't mind putting on a very special Chippendales show for me." Matt thought about it and figured if it meant getting his body back he'd do anything. "Yeah. Sure. I'll be glad to put on a show for you." I was surprised that he agreed so quickly, but I figured all he cared about was getting back his body. I told him where the baby oil was, and I went to my bedroom and picked up my 50 lb. weights, which now felt like they weighed about 10 lbs. and brought them into the living room.Matt walked in with the baby oil. 

He was wearing one of my old Apple t-shirts that was about two sizes too small. He had also put on my skin-tight aqua swim trunks. I was busy pumping up my biceps with my dumbbells. "You're looking good Matt. It looks like you're about to burst out of those clothes." I smiled at him. "Really cute, David. Can we just get this over with?" I began to rub baby oil on my arms and chest. "I thought I'd give myself one final thrill. This feels so good. I don't know how you were able to control yourself with this body. I've got a permanent hard on." I could see that my oil rub down was turning him on. He was trying to hide his erection with his hands. "Matt, what's going on? I thought you didn't get off on guys?" "I don't! It must be this fag body I'm stuck in! It's giving me gay thoughts." "Wait a minute, Matt. If that were true, I would suddenly have the hots for Pamela Lee Anderson. That hasn't happened." Matt was really getting flustered. "I don't know what's going on. Your 9-inch dick has got a mind of it own, ok!" "Alright Matt, if you don't want to deal with your feelings right now, we don't have to. Come on, let's get us back in our own bodies." Matt was almost in tears, "Thank you, David."We moved into the center of the room. We both tried to prepare ourselves for the electric shock from the rings. We both took a deep breath and snapped the rings together. Nothing happened. We pulled the rings apart and snapped them together again. Still, nothing. "What's wrong? Why isn't it working?", Matt said. "I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with what Mr. Asito had said." Matt was confused, "What are you talking about?" "Mr. Asito said that I have the dominant ring, and that I have the power to switch bodies whenever I want to." 

"So, don't you want to switch bodies?" "Sure I do. But maybe I have to do more than just put the rings together. Maybe I have to concentrate on wanting the transference to take place?" "Well, it's worth a try." Matt and I put the rings together and I focused all of my thoughts on switching bodies with him. Suddenly the rings began to glow. A cool breeze swirled around us. Our bodies became engulfed in a glowing energy. It wasn't as intense as it was the first time. It was if our bodies were getting use to the transformation. I felt like I was getting weaker, less heavy. I looked over at Matt and saw him starting to change. I could see his chest starting to expand under his t-shirt. His arms and legs were getting thicker, more muscular. I watched as his waist became narrower. I could see his ripped abs forming underneath the t-shirt. I could feel myself beginning to deflate. I looked down and saw my massive chest moving up my torso, losing its thickness. My legs were becoming less defined. My 19-inch biceps were shrinking before my eyes. I looked over at Matt and saw he had a huge erection in his shorts, and a big smile on his face. 

Matt's arms were swelling; straining on the skin-tight t-shirt I made him wear. I could see his rib cage expanding, his thickening chest straining against the fabric. It looked like something out of an Incredible Hulk episode. It was very erotic. I slid my Speedo down my legs and grabbed my throbbing dick. I could feel it growing longer and thicker in my hand. I began to grow taller and thinner. Matt was moaning from the pressure building inside his tight clothes. His sleeves started coming apart at the seams. His biceps poured out of the shredded sleeves. His collar was stretching to the breaking point. It ripped straight down the middle, quickly moving down his expanding chest. His shorts burst apart, exposing his enormous thighs. Matt face was changing from my face back to his. His features were becoming more masculine, more angular. I could feel my face changing back into its original form. A couple of minutes later our transformation had ended. The energy glow around our bodies disappeared and the cool breeze gradually died down. We both stood facing each other, drenched in sweat. Matt looked like a Greek statue draped in tattered rags. I couldn't contain myself anymore. I climaxed and shot my wad across the room. I could see that Matt had also cum in his shorts. It felt really strange being back in my body. I was 50 pounds lighter. I felt a lot weaker, like I was more vulnerable not having Matt's muscles.Matt pulled off his shredded t-shirt and swung his arms up into a double bicep pose. "Yes! I'm me again! Fantastic!" He just oozed masculinity and power, even more than I did when I possessed his body. Standing there in his tattered shorts, in that muscular pose, he looked like a comic book superhero. I turned around to grab the bottle of baby oil. "What do you think your doing, David!", Matt bellowed. 

"Remember our deal? The Chippendales show?" "There isn't going to be any Chippendales show." "What are you talking about, Matt?" "It's over. You aren't going to be borrowing my body for taking showers, for working out or anything else for that matter." "What do you mean by that?" "Here's exactly what I mean!" Matt suddenly punched me in the stomach. I had the wind knocked out of me, and collapsed to the floor writhing in pain. I was on my knees, holding my stomach, trying to catch my breath. Matt grabbed me by the hair and jerked my head up to face him. "I'm going to make sure you never get close enough to me to put these rings together." He picked me up and slammed me against the wall. He had me pinned with his left arm, two feet off the floor. "If you think I'm going to willingly trade bodies with you so I'll have to go around as a scrawny little gay guy, you've got another thing coming. Now that I've got my body back I'm not going to give it up!" I had never seen Matt so angry. His jet black eyes looked cold and distant. I wasn't sure what he was capable of doing to me. I knew that if I didn't want to get really hurt by him, I would have to try to switch bodies again. If I tried and failed, I knew Matt would beat the crap out of me. 

I wasn't sure if the transference could work without connecting the rings first. But I figured I had better take a chance, not knowing what Matt was going to do to me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my ring and Matt's body. Matt looked at me and wondered why I had my eyes closed. "What the hell are you doing?! Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?" I opened my eyes, but didn't answer. I kept focusing on my ring. "...well, you'd be right. I am going to hurt you. Just enough to teach you a lesson, so you'll stay away from me and this ring." Matt pulled back his fist and was about to hit me in the face. All of a sudden Matt froze in his place. He had a confused look on his face. He didn't know why he had stopped in his tracks. Slowly, Matt let me slide back down to the floor. He almost looked like he was in a trance. I looked down and saw my ring was glowing. Matt noticed I was looking down at my hand. "Oh no, the ring! It can't be!" "It looks like I won't be getting that broken nose after all." Matt was staring at the ring with a worried look on his face. "We'll see about that." 

Matt was fighting against the force emanating from the ring. He was trying with all his might to break the hold the ring had over him. "You're not going to do this to me again!", he moaned. I stared at my ring and spoke aloud, "I want to switch bodies with Matt." The ring began to glow even brighter. Matt screamed in pain, "Noooo!" His ring began to glow too. "Matt, stop fighting the ring, it's hurting you!", I yelled. Slowly he started to loosen his tight fist. "...I won't let you do this!" His arm gradually moved down to his side. "...make it stop!" I felt the force of my ring pull my arm into the air. Reluctantly, Matt did the same. "...can't let this happen!" Matt's arm was shaking, trying to fight the powerful forces at work. I stared at his ring and said, "I want Matt's body!" His ring began to glow even brighter. The rings moved towards each other as if a magnetic force was attracting them. "...please David! Ahhhhh!", Matt cried. But it was too late. The rings joined once again. 

This time the light emanating from the rings was blinding. A huge jolt of electricity ran through our bodies. I went rigid and clenched my teeth from the pain. Finally the shock wave subsided. I could feel a huge surge of power building up in my body. All of my muscle fibers were burning inside my body. Sweat started pouring down my face and chest. Suddenly, as if all of the stored energy was released at once, I began to transform into Matt at an accelerated speed. My chest burst outward and downward, ribcage expanding, biceps and triceps swelling, forearms thickening, shoulders getting bigger and rounder, waist narrowing, abs tightening, legs and calves inflating, lats becoming wider, back growing denser and more defined. My face morphed into Matt's in a matter of seconds. I could hear Matt yelling in pain, trying to resist the transformation. His screams quickly raised an octave as he unwillingly changed back into my body. I had gained 50 pounds of muscle in less than a minute. The surge of strength was incredible. The rings stopped glowing and separated from each other. I looked down at my bronzed body and saw the sweat trickle over my thick, hard chest and ripped abs. 

I was in Matt's skin again. I felt my etched stomach with Matt's manly hands. This time it felt like I belonged in Matt's body. I looked over at Matt. He looked weak and tired. He was breathing deeply, exhausted from the failed battle with the rings.I wondered to myself if the rings would have the power to make Matt more submissive and make myself more aggressive. I focused on my ring, thinking how much I wanted to be more aggressive like Matt. Both of our rings began to pulse with energy. I saw an arc of light go from my ring to his. I felt a rush of adrenaline flowing through my body. Matt held his head as if he were dizzy. The rings glow gradually faded out. "Are you ok, Matt?" "Yeah, I think so." "Good. I wanted to make sure you were well enough to start your new job." "New job?" I smiled at him with his pearly white teeth, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. You're going to be my very own personal muscle slave." "Muscle slave?" "That's right. As punishment for your very bad behavior, I've decided that you need to learn what it's like to take orders from a real man." "I am not going to be your muscle slave, David. Forget it." 

Without thinking, I reached over and grabbed Matt by the throat and easily lifted him into the air. Matt started gasping. "What was that you were saying?" Matt started choking. He grabbed my arm trying to loosen my grip. "What's the matter, Matt? I can't quite hear you." I loosened my grip slightly. Matt stopped pulling at my arm, knowing that it was a waste of time. Still gasping he managed to say, "Ok -- I'll be -- your muscle -- slave." I let him drop to the floor. He collapsed to the floor in a crumpled pile. I didn't even care that it was my old body lying there. "What are you waiting for slave?! Get up and grab the baby oil over there!", I demanded. Slowly Matt got off the floor and walked over to the baby oil sitting on the table. I picked up the dumbbells on the floor and started doing bicep curls. My arms quickly pumped up and became rock hard. "Rub oil on my massive biceps, slave!", I demanded. Matt obeyed my command without hesitation. He poured the baby oil in his right hand and started rubbing the oil over my 19-inch guns. "That feels good slave. Now rub some oil over my chiseled chest." "Come on David.", Matt pleaded. "Quiet slave!", I shouted; and pushed him down to the floor. "You will call me Master when you are worshiping me." Matt could tell I was serious in my demand and slowly picked himself off the floor. "Yes, Master", he said softly, not wanting to anger me further. 

He began to rub oil over my thick, hard chest. I expanded my rib cage and heaved my chest out under his hands. "Doesn't that feel good, Slave?" He put his hand to his head as if he had a fever. I could tell the rings were beginning to have an effect. "Yes... yes Master it feels very good." "Excellent Slave. Now slide your hands down to my sexy abs." I blew some air out and tightened my abs into a hard 6-pack. Matt rubbed oil across them, feeling each recessed groove with his fingers. My display of power was turning him on. He felt aroused giving pleasure to what was once his own body. I could see he was getting an erection. "Ok, Slave. Oil up my quads and glutes." Matt started to slide his hands down to my legs. I grabbed his hands in a vice grip. Matt winced from the pain. "Slave? What do you say?" Matt was rubbing his hard-on. "Please Master, may I apply oil to your massive legs?" I let go of his crushed hands. "How do I know you really want to feel my muscles, Slave?" Matt unzipped his shorts, exposing his pulsing 9-inch cock.I was feeling more masculine, as if I had been injected with huge dose of testosterone. This must be what it's like to completely become Matt. His body and mind surging with aggression, power and masculinity. I knew that the rings had granted my request. I thought I would test the rings power further. 

I grabbed Matt's hand and snapped the rings back together. "Hey, what are you doing?!", Matt protested. "I'm just trying something out. Be patient, Slave." I concentrated and spoke aloud, "I want to be 5-inches taller and gain 50-pounds of muscle." "No David, please don't!" The rings began to glow again. "David, I'm sorry I tried to hurt you. I swear! Please make it stop!" The glow gradually surrounded our bodies. I watched as Matt slowly began to shrink. Matt had a frightened look on his face as he shrunk from 6-foot-1 down to 5-foot-8. His muscle tone started to disappear. His arms and legs were losing most of their mass. His shoulders were narrowing. He looked just like a small teenager. He must have weighed about 120 lbs. Suddenly, I felt a surge of power coursing through my body. "It's working... I'm getting taller.", I said in a deeper voice. My body kept stretching taller, until I reached a height of 6-foot-3. I felt my muscles starting to burn. My biceps began to swell with new muscle. I watched as my 19-inch biceps grew to 23-inches in a matter of seconds. I looked down and saw my chest expanding, getting thicker, wider, heavier. My arms were moving further from my body as my lats started to widen. My waist was actually narrowing, giving me a more defined v-shape. 

My quads grew 3-inches larger and my calves ballooned out a couple more inches. Each muscle group was even harder and more sculpted than before, if that were possible. The rings glow subsided. I felt like a god standing in front of Matt. I was 7-inches taller and a 150 lbs. heavier than him. At 6-foot 3-inch with 270 lbs. of solid muscle, I towered over him. The sight of a smaller, weaker Matt cowering below me was a huge turn on. I felt incredible power, knowing that I could completely dominate him. I tightened my chiseled legs and swung my arms up into a double-bicep pose. "You will worship this body now!", I said in a deep, thunderous bass. I threw the bottle of baby oil at Matt. The force almost knocked him over. "Get to work Slave!", I bellowed at him. He was shaking from fear, but obediently followed my orders. He began to apply the oil to my massive new body. "Here weakling, let me help you reach my chest." I grabbed Matt by the waist and picked him up like he were a rag doll. He rubbed oil on my thick chest and broad shoulders. I tilted Matt sideways and grabbed his side and one of his scrawny legs. I began to raise him overhead as if he were a dumbbell. He was so light I could have lifted him dozens of times without breaking a sweat. "Put me down, David! This isn't funny." I raised him towards the ceiling about 10 times and finally put him back on the floor. Matt was so frustrated he lashed out at me. With all his strength he slugged me in the stomach. I barely felt a thing. Matt grabbed his own hand. 

"Damn. Your abs are hard as steel! I think I broke my wrist." "I guess things have changed since the last time you punched me in the stomach." Matt looked embarrassed and worried. "In fact, maybe I should return the favor and see if you can take a blow to the stomach." "Please don't hit me David. If you punch me using that arm you'll probably kill me!" I thought I'd scare him a little bit. "Well, I guess there's only one way to find out." I pulled my arm back, as if I was going to follow through with my threat. Matt collapsed to the floor, covering his head with his thin, boney arms. He started crying, begging me not to hurt him.We both heard someone honking their car's horn out front. Then I remembered that my best friend Brian was stopping by. He was suppose to wait for me, and I would come downstairs. "I can't let Brian see us like this. We better switch back." I pulled Matt up off the floor. He looked relieved. "If you misbehave again I'll leave us like this permanently. Understand, Slave?" "Yes, Master." The horn blared again, then we heard a car door slam. I connected both rings. Then I spoke aloud, "I want to become Matt again." They began to glow again. The doorbell rang. It was Brian. "David are you in there?" Our transformation was just beginning. I whispered to Matt, "Tell him you'll be there in a minute." Matt yelled, "Just a minute." "Is that you David? You sound funny." Matt's voice was a higher pitch than normal. Matt started growing. "Yeah, I'm fine. Hold on a sec." I could feel myself shrinking. We were now almost at the same height. "David, what's going on in there?" "Ummm, I'll be there shortly..." The transformation was almost over. Brian started knocking on the door. 

"Come on David, let me in! Quit joking around!" The metamorphosis finally completed. The rings separated from each other. We were back the way we were before I had started my experiment.I unlocked the door and swung it open. "Hi Bry, come on in!" Brian was shocked to see Matt answer the door. He was even more surprised to see Matt covered in baby oil, wearing nothing but a Speedo. He took two steps back. "Matt what -? what are you ?- doing here?", Brian said nervously. I thought it might be fun to give Bry a thrill. "Step inside Brian, David and I were just having a muscle worship session." I grabbed Brian's arm and pulled him into the room. Brian saw what appeared to be David, standing in the middle of the living room with baby oil on his hands and his shorts pulled down. "David, what's going on here? What is Matt doing here? I thought Matt hated you? I don't understand." Matt wasn't sure what to say. He knew my friend wouldn't believe that he was actually Matt in David's body. "Go ahead David, answer him.", I ordered Matt. "Like Matt said, were having a muscle worship session." Brian looked really confused. "Hey Brian, David and I have worked out our differences. We're a lot closer than you think. You might even say I know David inside and out." I gave Brian a big smile, trying to reassure him. "I don't get it. The last time I talked to David he said that you had called him 'a big faggot'. Now you're the best of friends? What gives?" "Well, whatever problems David and I had in the past are ancient history. Trust me. You're looking at a brand new Matt." Brian looked skeptical. I closed the front door. Brian started to look concerned. "David, hand me the baby oil and go sit down over there." "Yes, Master." Matt obediently handed me the baby oil and sat in the chair in the corner of the room. I turned to Brian. "David told me the other day that you and him had some kind of a secret fantasy involving me." 

Brian was shocked and embarrassed. He turned to Matt, "David, I can't believe you told him that secret!" I tried to pacify Brian, "Please don't blame David. We've shared a lot of our private thoughts and fantasies with each other. That's what friends do." "Well, I guess I understand. But it still makes me really uncomfortable to have you standing here, knowing that." "No problem, don't worry about it. In fact, I'm here to make your fantasy become a reality." Brian's interest had grown a bit. "What do you mean 'make my fantasy a reality'?" "I think you know what I mean, Brian." I winked at him. Then I poured some baby oil in my right hand. Brian was staring in disbelief. I rubbed the oil over my chiseled chest, slowly moving my hand in a circular motion over each pec and around each nipple. Gradually I moved both of my hands down to my 6-pack. I arched my back as I rubbed the oil over my abs, then back up to my chest. I could see Brian was getting turned on. I gently grabbed Brian's hands and placed them on my muscular chest. "Is this part of your fantasy, Brian?" "Oh god yeah, Matt!" He had a major hard-on. I moved his hands down to my ripped abs. I knew Brian had always wanted to do that. We both had fantasized about having our way with Matt. Now I was making that dream come true for both of us. "Oh Matt, your body is so hot. I can't believe you're letting me do this to you!" "It's my pleasure Brian. I'm enjoying this too. How about rubbing some oil on my pumped up biceps?" I thrust my arms up into a double-bicep pose, flared out my lats, and tightened my abs and quads. Brian had to control himself from cumming in his shorts. "Matt, you're a fucking Greek god. I want to feel every inch of your body." He reached up and grabbed my solid 19-inch arms. "This is unbelievable! Your arms are made of stone." 

Then he moved his hands over my lats, and down to my quads. "Oh god! You feel so fucking good! Every part of you is hard as a rock!" Brian couldn't control himself any more and finally came. He shot his full load in his shorts. "OH GOD! ? That was the greatest orgasm I've ever had!" "Well I think I'm going to need a little help in that department myself, Bry." I slid down my Speedo over my muscled quads and held out my hard cock to him. Brian gladly knelt down and put his mouth over my throbbing meat. I was surprised what a good job he was doing. He knew exactly how to bring pleasure to this body. He put his lips on the head of my penis and tenderly moved his tongue around the outside of it. I could feel my balls tightening from the intense pleasure he was bringing me. He had his hands on my quads and slowly moved them up to my glutes, squeezing them tightly. His hands felt so good on my tight glutes. He started to pump his head up and down on my cock, taking in all 5-inches into his mouth and down his throat. I couldn't contain myself any longer and shot my load. Brian swallowed every drop with a big smile on his face. I knew that giving Matt a blow job was another one of Brian's fantasies. I looked over at Matt in the corner. He had been masturbating in the chair and had just climaxed too."Now that we all got are 'rocks' off. I think it's time we let Brian in on our little secret." Puzzled, Brian said "What are you talking about Matt? What little secret?" 

I turned to Matt in my body, "Go ahead and tell him Slave." "Yes, Master. I'm Matt in David's body and David is in my body.", he said matter-of-factly. Brian looked at him in total disbelief. "What the fuck are you talking about David!?" I spoke up, "That's not David over there, Brian. I'm David here in Matt's body." "What kind of shit are trying to pull on me!? I suck your dick and get you off, then you unload this pile of crap on me! I don't think this is a bit funny." Brian started heading for the door. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards me. "Don't hurt me Matt! I'll believe whatever you want, just don't hurt me!", Brian pleaded. "I'm not going to hurt you Bry. It's me, David, in this body. I would never hurt you, babe." "Stop saying that! Why are you trying to convince me that you're David? I don't care who you are. I just want to get out of here!" Brian was trying to pull away from me. "Listen Bry. Remember the time we hid in the locker room at the gym and snuck into the special shower stall? Then we both jacked off peaking through the hole in the wall while we watched Matt lathering up his body?" Brian stopped pulling away from me. "That doesn't mean anything. You could have forced David to tell you that story." Matt got up from his chair; "You guys were getting off watching me in the shower? I knew there was something up with that hole!" "David, you weren't being watched, we were the ones watching Matt! What's wrong with you?" Brian said flustered. "I told you, you fuckin' faggot, I'm Matt!" Brian was shocked that David would talk to him in that tone. "Matt, you apologize to Brian, now!" "Yes, Master. I'm sorry I said that to you Brian." "Man, this is just too weird! I don't know what to think anymore." Brian was really confused and upset. I pleaded with Brian, "Bry, do you honestly think that Matt would be willing to come over to my... uh David's apartment and take off his clothes and let you rub oil on his body, then help him get off? Do you honestly think homophobic Matt would do something like that?" Brian thought about it for a minute. "Well, no. But it's easier to believe that, than to fall for your crock-o-shit story about switching bodies!" "Bry, I don't know what else I can say -? wait a minute, I think I have an idea. Come over here, Matt. We're going to put on a show for Brian." Matt did as he was told. "Bry, you stand over there." "Now what are you going to do Matt? Switch bodied with David again?" he said jokingly. 

"Something like that. Just stand back and watch." I concentrated on the rings, thinking how I wanted Matt and I to have the same size body. The rings started to glow. Matt was looking forward to the transference and willingly put the rings together. A cool breeze started swirling around us. The light in the room began to dim. Brian looked scared. "Don't worry Bry, it's going to be ok." I shouted. The rings were glowing brighter. The energy slowly enveloped our bodies. Matt and I began to change. Brian watched as he saw his friend David's body start to swell up. He looked over at me. I had become a lot less muscular in a matter of seconds. I started growing taller and thinner. Matt was shrinking and gaining muscle. Brian couldn't believe his eyes. The breeze died down and the rings stopped glowing and came apart. We stood there facing each other. It looked like we were staring into a mirror. We had exactly the same body. We each sported a 7-inch hard-on and 16-inch biceps. My chest didn't stick out as far as before, and my 6-pack wasn't as defined as it had been. 

But we both looked like those men you'd see in the International Male catalog. We each had a faded out tattoo on our shoulder, and a partial appendix scar on our stomach. Matt was checking out his improved physique. Brian came over to me and put his hands on my face. "David it really is you! Part of you looks like Matt, and part of you looks like -- you! It's amazing!" "Bry, I'm glad I finally convinced you that I'm really David inside here." "What I don't get is that you let me grope your body and give you a blow job. What's up with that?" "Well, I figured this might be the only chance either one of us would be able to experience this incredible body. Are you mad at me?" "Nah. I could never get mad at you. You're my bud. Besides, it was pretty hot wasn't it." Bry gave me a big smile. "Bry, now I can tell you the whole story." I told him all about Mr. Asito, finding the rings in the lockers, and all the bad stuff that went down in this apartment. Brian turned to Matt, "You fuckin' prick! You were going to beat up David after he gave you back your body!?" "What are you going to do about it, little man?" Matt grabbed Brian, and pinched his shoulder. Brian let out a yell. "He's not going to do anything about it -? I am!" I grabbed Matt's hand and snapped the rings back together. "Oh shit! I didn't mean to hurt your friend. Please don't!" "It's too late for apologies Matt." I stared at the rings, "I want Matt's body." "David I'm sorry... NOOOO!" 

A few minutes later I stood there in Matt's body once again.Brian walked over to me, amazed that I had become Matt again. "Dave, you should leave Matt in your old body forever. That fuckin' homophobe doesn't deserve this body. If he had the chance, he would beat the crap out of both of us." "Maybe you're right Bry. I'll have to give it some thought." Matt chimed in, "What do you mean you're going to keep my body forever!? That body belongs to me!" "Not right now, it doesn't. I think Mr. Asito was right when he said, Until you find the truth with which you are afraid to face, you will not be the man you long to be." "Mr. Asito is a crazy old man who is full of shit!" "Maybe so, but until I say otherwise, these bods stay as they are; and if I hear any more lip service out of you, I'll make you SO passive that you'll be afraid of your own god damn shadow! Is that understood Slave?" Matt knew when he was beaten, "Yes, Master." "In fact, while I've got this huge body, I should have something that goes with my size." I concentrated on my ring. An arc of light went from my ring to his. Panicked, Matt said "What are you doing?!" "You'll see soon enough Matt." I felt a sudden movement in my Speedo. Smiling, I looked down and saw my dick starting to grow. Matt had a shocked look on his face. He grabbed his shorts and unzipped them. He saw his 9-inch dick begin to shrink. "Oh, no! Come on David! Please!"

Matt's dick continued to narrow and shrink until it was 5-inches. I watched as my dick became thicker and longer. It grew so long that the head of my penis pushed itself out of my Speedo and was rubbing against my 6-pack. "That's more like it. I guess I'll have to buy a larger Speedo, right Matt?" "Please David. Don't leave me with my old dick and your body. It isn't fair." "We'll see Matt. I'll probably give my dick back to you, but right now I think I'm going to be needing it for later." Brian walked over to me. "Dave, that was really cool. I got a hard-on watching your dick grow like that. Maybe you can give me a huge dick too?" "Maybe later, Bry. Right now I've got other plans. Why don't you take Matt over to Ripples, so he can meet some of our friends and get used to being David. I've got a hot date with a very special guy." "Isn't Ripples that queer bar down at the beach?" Brian swung Matt around to face him. "It's called a gay bar, scrawny boy." "Matt you be a good boy and we'll see about switching back. See ya guys later. Let me know if he misbehaves, Bry." "Will do, Dave -? um I mean Matt." We both smiled at each other. Before I headed out, an interesting idea popped into my head. I reached over and grabbed Matt's hand and slipped off the ring. "Hey! What are you doing, I need that ring to switch back into my body!" Matt said concerned. "Don't worry Matt, I promise I won't lose it. I thought it might come in handy later tonight." I stuffed my erection back inside my Speedo. I kissed Bry on the cheek and headed out the door. I jumped in Matt's Corvette and headed back to the gym. Bry and Matt got in Bry's car and headed over to Ripples. I was really looking forward to seeing Doug again. I had a feeling something might happen between us tonight.

Switch - Part 3

I headed back to the gym, hoping that Doug would still be there. As I was driving, I began to feel more comfortable in my new body. It was if I was getting used to being in Matt's skin. It felt so natural having my muscular arms holding on to the steering wheel and gear shift, and my thick, heavy chest pressed against my skin-tight tank top. I could feel the muscles flexing in my massive legs as I used the clutch, gas pedal and brake. I looked up in the rear-view mirror and saw Matt's handsome face staring back at me. I smiled as I felt my 9-inch dick begin to swell in my Speedo.Brian and Matt arrived at Ripples. "Can't we just tell David that we went in, and do something else instead?", Matt pleaded. "I don't think so Matt. David wouldn't like that, and I don't think you want to get David mad right now." Brian grabbed Matt's arm and led him to the entrance. There was a big guy standing at the door. "Hey, how's it going David?", the doorman said, "...you haven't been here in a while." Brian answered for Matt, "Well, he hasn't been feeling like himself lately." "Oh, you've been under-the-weather, David?", he said with a concerned look on his face. Matt spoke up, "Yeah, you might say that. I've been feeling pretty weak." "Well, I hope you start to feel like your old self again real soon." "I'm looking forward to that dude." Brian grabbed Matt's arm and led him through the door. 

Matt was surprised to find the inside of the place looked just like every other bar he had been in. There were a couple of pool tables off to the right. Neon beer signs were hanging all over the place. There were a couple of guys in the corner playing darts. "This isn't at all what I expected.", Matt said to Brian. "What did you expect, guys doing it with each other on top of the bar?" Embarrassed, Matt said "No, it's just that I had this picture in my mind of what a gay bar is like. Ya know, kinda sleazy, everything in the dark. This place is just like my hangout." "I'm glad you like it Matt. David and I come here all the time. It's the only place we can go where we feel safe and can be comfortable being ourselves. The outside world can be pretty cruel sometimes." Matt didn't know what to say. He knew Brian had directed that last comment at him. Feeling guilty, Matt looked down at the floor and said "I'm really sorry Brian." "Thanks Matt. I have a feeling you really meant that. Let's go on upstairs and have some fun."I arrived at the gym and saw Doug's car parked out front. "Good, he's still here.", I said to myself in my deep baritone voice. I walked into the gym and saw Doug laying down on the bench press. It looked like he was trying to lift two or three-hundred pounds. The weights on the bar looked huge. I knew as David, I wouldn't have been able to lift half of that weight; but with Matt's body I could easily handle it. I walked over. "Need some help with that?" I gave Doug a big smile. Surprised, he sat up. "Matt, you're back? How is David? He's ok isn't he? I was really getting worried." It was sweet how concerned Doug was about my well being. "I told you nothing bad was going to happen to David. Trust me, he's fine. In fact, I'd say he feels like a new man today." "That's great Matt. 

I knew in my heart you wouldn't do anything to hurt him.", Doug said relieved. "So Doug, do you need a spotter?", I said smiling. "Sure Matt. You can spot me ANY time." Realizing how forward that must have sounded, Doug started to blush. I thought it was cute how shy Doug was. It made him even more attractive, if that were possible. Doug laid back down on the bench and slid under the barbell. I went to the back of the bench and got in position. I watched as Doug hefted the massive weight off the weight rack and dropped it down to his chest. He let out a grunt as he forced the weight upward. His upper body was shaking as he fought against the force of gravity. He was able to do 10 reps before finally giving out. I grabbed the weight and helped him put it back up on the rack. Doug looked so sexy as he laid there breathing so heavily covered in sweat. I couldn't control myself anymore. I walked around to face him, bent down and kissed him on the lips. Suddenly, Doug grabbed me around my waist and pulled me on top of him. It felt wonderful pressed against Doug's muscular body. We wrapped our arms around each other while embraced in our passionate kiss. The kiss seemed to last an eternity, but was more like a few minutes. "Matt, I've dreamed of this happening, but I never thought it actually would." "Well, I was recently told that sometimes the impossible is possible." Smiling, Doug said "That's definitely true for me." "Me too Doug." "Matt, why don't we get cleaned up and go back to my place?" "That's a great idea Doug." We kissed each other again and headed for the showers.Brian and Matt headed up the stairs. They could hear the thumping bass of the disco music getting louder. About halfway up the stairs Matt recognized the song as that old gay standby "It's Rainin' Men". When they reached the top of the stairs they saw about forty young men dancing under the flashing disco lights and twirling mirrored balls. There were a couple dozen men standing around the dance floor, drinking, talking and smoking. Matt had never seen so many gay men in one place before, and they all seemed to be having a great time. Brian noticed how nervous Matt looked, "Matt, how about a drink?" "That sounds like a great idea, Brian." Matt watched the couples dancing as they slowly made their way over to the bar. Matt turned away from the dance floor and looked for the bartender. There standing behind the bar was the most attractive man Matt had ever seen. His face was so incredibly beautiful. Golden blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, masculine chiseled features and a well manicured goatee. 

His body was truly a work of art. He had the same muscle mass that Matt used to have, but his torso had a more sculpted look. His waist was narrower and his shoulders were wider, making him look like some sort of living, breathing Adonis. Yet as intimidating a figure as he was, he projected a great deal of warmth and kindness. He was wearing a muscle t-shirt and skin-tight Levi's cut-offs. No man had ever had this kind of effect on him before. Brian saw how entranced Matt was of the bartender. "He's quite a sight isn't he?" "Uhhhh, yeah I guess so." "Ya know Matt... Kevin has known David for a long time." "Kevin? His name his Kevin?" "Yeah, he really has a thing for David, and right now you're David. If you play your cards right you never know." Brian winked at Matt. Matt blushed.Doug and I walked into the changing room and started to undress. We both enjoyed watching each other take off our clothes. I could see that Doug was really getting turned on. I was getting aroused too. He slowly pulled off his bikini briefs revealing a throbbing 8-inch hard on. I smiled at him and removed my bulging Speedo. Doug's smile turned into a look of shock and surprise. I was puzzled. "What's wrong Doug?" Doug didn't say anything, he was staring at my erection. "Don't you like what you see?" "Sure I do Matt, but I'm a little confused." "What do you mean?" "I've seen you naked before Matt, and I don't want to sound cruel but I don't remember you being so well endowed." "What are you talking about?" "Matt, I've seen you hard... you're dick is 5-inches, 5 1/2 tops! What are you doing with that?" I looked down and saw my 9-inch dick pointing up at me. I forgot that I had borrowed my longer dick from my old body. "Doug I think I can explain, but I doubt if you'll believe me." "Try me." "Ok, I'll give you the Readers Digest version. For starters, I'm not the Matt that you've always known. I'm actually David inside Matt's body." 

I could already tell that Doug thought I was jerking him around. I continued, "You see it all started when I saved Mr. Asito from a falling tower of weights. He ended up giving Matt and me these special rings..." I showed him the ring on my finger and pulled the other ring out of my pocket. "When Matt joined the rings together they switched our bodies. I became Matt, and Matt became me, ...uh that is he became David." Doug had a blank look on his face. "Later I decided to switch our bodies back as long as I could become Matt whenever I wanted. Matt didn't like that, and had some other ideas. So, I kept his body and borrowed my -- I mean David's larger dick." Doug just stared at me, wondering what to make of my crazy story. "Doug, I know it sounds totally farfetched, but I swear to God it's true. I'm really David in Matt's body." "I don't know what to think. Right now I can't decide if I want to fuck your brains out or if I should call 911 and put you into a padded cell." "Personally, I like your first choice better." I gave him a smile. Doug didn't seem amused. "I should put back on my clothes and get the hell out of here, but something in your eyes is telling me not to." "That's good Doug, maybe you're seeing the real me that's inside." "This is getting really weird. Is there any way you can prove to me that you're telling the truth?" "I'm not sure." "That's what I thought, I'm outta here." Doug started to grab his clothes off the floor. "Wait a minute, I just remembered something. Remember when you told David that you knew he was gay, and you were tired of pretending to be the straight jock? Then you told him that you really liked Matt and that you wanted to have a gay friend that you could confide in?" Doug looked shocked. "How did you know that?" "Exactly. If I were really Matt do you think that David would have told me, I mean Matt, what we had talked about?" Doug pondered what I had said, "No, David wouldn't have told Matt." "See? That proves that I'm really David." "I'm still not convinced. 

Maybe you forced David to tell you that secret. Maybe that's what you did when you went over to his place earlier." I was getting frustrated. I wasn't sure what else to do. Suddenly an idea struck me.Kevin came over to Brian and Matt. "Hi guys, how's it going? Hey David, I haven't seen you in here in a while. I've missed you." Matt couldn't stop staring at Kevin. Up close he was even more stunning. Kevin noticed that Matt was in a trance. "David, are you ok?" Matt finally snapped out of it. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Yeah, I've missed you too." "Is there anything special I can get you?" Matt thought to himself, "Sure I'd like to see you naked in my bed!" Matt couldn't believe he was having thoughts like that about another man. Brian could see that Matt wasn't going to answer Kevin, so he spoke up, "We'll have a couple of screwdrivers." "Sure thing." Kevin walked off to make the drinks. "Matt, what's up with you? You're drooling all over Kevin. What's going on?" "I don't know. I've never been attracted to men before. I don't know what's happening to me!" "Maybe you're finally getting in touch with your feelings?" Kevin came back with the drinks. "What do we owe you for the drinks?", Matt asked. "No charge for you. But I'm sure you'll think of some way to repay me." Kevin gave Matt a huge smile and put his hand on top of Matt's. Matt's face turned beet red. "It's so cute the way you're embarrassed by the smallest sign of affection." Matt stared into Kevin's beautiful blue eyes and it felt like his legs were turning to jello. Brian spoke up, "Well I guess I'll leave you two guys alone... three's a crowd." Panicked, Matt said "Brian don't leave!" Kevin interjected, "Bry you're a good guy. It's nice of you to give Dave and me some privacy." "It's my pleasure." 

Kevin patted him on the shoulder. Brian winked at Kevin and walked away. Matt was nervous and excited. He didn't know what was about to happen. "I've got a half-hour break. Why don't we go in the office and talk?" Kevin came out from behind the bar and grabbed Matt's hand and led him into the private office."Doug how would you like to try an experiment?" "What kind of experiment?" "Well, if my idea really works it will prove that I was telling the truth; and if it doesn't work you can put me in the padded cell. Ok?" Doug thought about it for a minute. "Alright Matt, if it doesn't work you promise to tell me the real story?" "I promise. Let's go into the locker room. People going by can see us out here." "Ok Matt, we're in the locker room. What's the experiment? Don't tell me your going to switch our bodies?" Doug started laughing. "That's exactly what I'm planning to do. At least that's what I'm hoping to do.", I said concerned. "Fine, let's get this over with." I handed Doug the other ring. "Here put this on." "So now what? I've put on the ring, now were suppose to put them together and switch bodies, right?" I could tell Doug was just humoring me. I knew if this didn't work, Doug would storm out of here and never want to talk to me again. "Ok Doug, I just wanted to let you know what's about to happen. When we put the rings together the room is going to darken, you'll feel a cool breeze swirling around you, and there will be a surge of energy that will flow through your body." "Got it, Matt." I had a feeling that Doug wasn't even paying attention to what I was saying, and whatever he had listened to he didn't believe at all. "Ready Doug?" "Yeah, sure Matt." 

Doug and I put the rings together. Nothing happened. "Now we have to concentrate on switching bodies. Close your eyes and concentrate." We both closed our eyes. Still nothing happened. "We should stare at our own ring and speak out loud our desire. You should say "I want Matt's body" and I'll say that I want your body." "Matt come on, enough is enough." "Please Doug, just humor me for a little while longer." "Ok, I'll give you one more minute." "Great... ready, get set, 1, 2, 3, go!" We both made our demands to the rings, "I want Matt's body." "I want Doug's body." We waited. Still nothing happened. "I don't understand Doug. I was sure that it was going to work. I don't know what went wrong?" "Sorry Matt, I know you really believed that we were going switch bodies. When you decide to tell me the real story give me call, until then I don't want to hear any more of your fairy tales." Doug grabbed his clothes and got dressed. I decided to get dressed too. I thought I might be able to convince Doug that I hadn't made up the whole thing. We heard a voice behind us. "Those who don't wish to believe, make the possible... impossible." Surprised, we both turned around. Mr. Asito was in the doorway. "Hi Mr. Asito, it's me David." "Yes David, I know it is you." "Oh great, you've got Mr. Asito in on your little joke too.", Doug said sarcastically. Mr. Asito turned to face Doug, "David cares a great deal for you. He would never do anything to hurt you. Why is it so hard for you to believe in something that is beyond this world?" Before Doug could answer, Mr. Asito placed his fingers on Doug's face. Doug stood there unable to move. He looked like he was in a trance. "You must release your mind. You must release your doubt. Now you can believe." Mr. Asito removed his hand, then turned to me. "I can see Doug is a very special to you. Be patient with him. He will come around soon enough." He winked at me, then headed out the door."Are you ok Doug?" "I think so. I feel pretty strange." "Mr. Asito had done the same thing to me. That's how he found out I wanted to be Matt." 

"You ARE Matt. Oh, never mind. I just want to get out of here." "Come on Doug. Let's try it one more time, please." "You're not going to let up are you?" "Please Doug. Just humor me." "If I do, then will you leave me alone and let me go home?" "Yes, I swear." "Ok, one last time." Doug and I put the rings together again. "Concentrate on your ring. You have to want the transformation to take place, otherwise it won't work." "Alright, I'm concentrating. I want your body. I want your body." I focused on my ring. "I want Doug's body." A few seconds had passed. "Matt I feel strange, like I'm burning up." "Me too. I think it's beginning." We both looked down at the rings. They were starting to glow. "Matt what's happening?" "It worked. We're going to switch bodies!" The lights began to dim. A cool breeze started to flow around us. The energy from the rings slowly traveled up our arms and gradually enveloped our entire bodies. I grabbed Doug with my free hand and pulled him against me. I smiled at him. Doug looked frightened. "Don't worry Doug, if you don't fight it, it won't hurt as much." "Ok! I'll try not to fight it." "Give me a kiss for good luck." "A kiss?" I reached up and kissed Doug and held him tight. We continued kissing passionately when the transformation started. I could feel my body begin to change. My shoulders were getting wider, my waist was tightening. My abs were shifting position. I could feel Doug's body changing while we were pressed up against each other. My legs and torso were stretching taller. When we separated from our kiss we were exactly the same height. "Matt this is incredible! I'm becoming you!" "I know isn't this amazing!" We sounded exactly alike. I continued to grow taller and wider. 

Doug was shrinking before my eyes. He had lost 4 inches in height in a matter of seconds. I watched as his features changed into Matt's. He slowly morphed from a blue-eyed blonde Nordic to a black-eyed black-haired Roman. I could feel my features changing as I watched Doug changing into me. Gradually the transformation ended. The rings separated and our arms dropped to our sides. Doug and I stood there staring at each other's new body. "Matt this is unbelievable! You've got my body! Wow, I sound just like you" "Like I've been trying to tell you... I wasn't Matt, I was David. Now do you believe me?" "Yeah, I guess I have to now, since I'm standing here in Matt's body. I've got to see what I look like naked." Doug ripped off his clothes and began to pose in front of the mirror. "David what's going on?" "What do you mean?" "Look at my dick. It's only 5-inches long. When you had Matt's body it was 9-inches. What happened?"Kevin locked the office door. "I thought we might want to have some privacy, David." Matt was nervous and excited at the same time. "Sure Kevin. Uh, what did you have in mind?" Kevin smiled, grabbed Matt and pulled him tight against his body. Matt was getting aroused at how aggressive Kevin was. Matt slowly placed his hands on Kevin's torso. He could feel Kevin's well defined abs through the tight muscle-t. He moved his hands over his thick chiseled chest and hard biceps. He could feel how powerful and masculine Kevin was. Now he understood why David was so turned on by Matt's own body, because now he found Kevin's muscles incredibly sexy. 

Still, he kept wondering why a stud like Kevin would be attracted to a scrawny guy like David. Suddenly he felt his dick stirring in his shorts. It was getting hard. Not only was it getting hard. It was starting to get a lot longer and thicker too. Kevin looked down and saw Matt's dick growing in his shorts. "Dave, I'm glad you're enjoying this as much as I am." Matt's dick pushed it's way out of his shorts. The head of his penis was sticking out about an inch. "Oh my God, I've got a 9-inch dick again!" "It looks incredible, and so do you." Kevin passionately kissed Matt. Matt was surprised how wonderful it felt having his lips pressed against Kevin's. He loved the feeling of Kevin's goatee as it rubbed against his face. Kevin plunged his tongue into Matt's mouth. Matt felt like he was melting into Kevin. It was like they were becoming one with each other. He grabbed Kevin's firm round ass and squeezed it tightly, and slowly moved his hands up to Kevin's muscular back, then over his hard, massive shoulders. Matt's dick was hard as a rock. He suddenly pulled away from Kevin. Kevin looked puzzled. "What's wrong David?" "I'm not sure. I've never had these feelings for a man before. I can't help but wonder why you're even attracted to a guy like me?" "That's simple. You're the sweetest, nicest, most caring guy I know. I'd be crazy not to be in love with you." "In love? You're in love with David? Um, I mean me." Kevin smiled. "David, sometimes you are so slow." Kevin leaned over and kissed Matt tenderly on the lips."Doug I think I know what happened. When we switched bodies, my 9-inch dick must have returned to my old body." "Oh, I guess that makes sense. 

That wasn't part of Matt's body, so it wouldn't transfer with him." "I'm sure Matt must have been pleasantly surprised.", I said. "Well David, even with a 5-inch cock, Matt's body is incredible. I've fantasized about being intimate with Matt hundreds of times. Now I'm actually him! This is so unreal." Doug was looking in the mirror, feeling the contours of his face. "I know. I couldn't believe it when Matt and I switched bodies. I've always dreamed of having a body like that. I'm not really looking forward to giving it back." "Who says you have to give it back right away?" "Eventually I'll have to trade back. It's not fair to Matt. That is his body after all." "I guess your right, David." "Earlier today I used the rings to shrink Matt into a 120 lb. weakling, while I grew into a 6-foot-3, 270 lbs monster. Having that kind of power turned me into someone that I didn't like very much." "Well, what are going to do?" "I'm going to go over to Ripples and switch bodies with Matt. Will you come with me?" "Sure. But do we have to leave right this second? Why don't we get in the shower and have some fun?" "Sounds terrific, Doug." "First, I want to switch back into my own body. I don't think I can make love to my own body. That's just too weird." "My thoughts exactly. Besides, I'm looking forward to sticking Matt's dick up your ass." I gave Doug a wicked smile. Doug laughed... "Oooh, you're such a charmer David." I snapped the rings back together. I few minutes later Doug was back in his body, and I was Matt again. We kissed each other and headed for the showers. We spent the next 2 hours making love as the warm water cascaded over our muscular bodies. It was the most beautiful experience both of us had ever had. We finally left the showers, walked over to the lockers and toweled each other off. We stared at each other for a moment, knowing that we would never see each other like this again. We embraced in a kiss. 

Then we smiled at each other and headed out the door."David, how about going back to my place?", Kevin said. Matt didn't know what to do. He had never felt such a strong attraction to anyone, let alone a man. The thought of being intimate with Kevin was very exciting. Then he thought about Kevin feelings. He was in love with David. Not someone else inside of David's body. He knew if there were any chance of having an honest relationship, he would have to tell Kevin the truth somehow. He wasn't sure how he was going to do it. "Kevin, I'd love to go back to your place. But, I have something I need to tell you first." "Let me guess, it's another man?" "No, not exactly. Actually, I'm another man." "What do you mean? You've got multiple personalities?" "I know you're not going to believe me, but this morning I was Matt Johnson, a personal trainer at World Gym. I had a huge muscular body, just like you." Kevin just stared at Matt with a blank look on his face. Matt continued, "David and I found these rings in our lockers. We put them on and snapped them together. A few minutes later I was in David's body, and he had my body. Mr. Asito, the guy that gave us the rings, told me that I needed to look within myself before I could return to my body. I think I've done that. I discovered that I had kept my real feelings buried deep inside and I was taking it out on everybody else by being a pompous homophobic bully." "Wow David, that's quite an imagination you've got there. That would make a really cool episode of the X-Files. But if you don't want to go back to my place, just say so. I'll understand." Matt was getting frustrated. He had to think of some way to convince Kevin.Doug and I arrived at Ripples. We walked in and found Brian sitting at the bar by himself. Matt wasn't there. "Brian where is Matt?", I said. "Hey, David! Um, I mean Matt.", Brian smiled. "Never mind that. What happened to Matt?" 

"Oh, he's having a very private meeting with Kevin. I wouldn't disturb them if I were you." "Don't worry. He'll be glad to see me. Come on Doug, let's go." We headed upstairs."Kevin, I do want to go back to your place. It's just that I wanted you to know that you wouldn't be with the person you thought you were with." Kevin looked really confused. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I find it really cute that you're trying so hard to convince me that you're not David." "Did I ever show an interest in being with you before?" "We'll not really. You said I was very attractive, but that you had this major crush on a guy named Doug." "That's the other personal trainer at the gym! David knew that Doug wanted to be with me, I mean Matt. That's why he wanted to be me. David was in love with Doug, and the only way he could have a chance with him was to become Matt. Then it really happened. We swapped bodies. While I was David, I realized that I was a gay man pretending to be this macho straight guy. Then I saw you standing there behind the bar, and I suddenly knew that I wanted to be with you." Kevin had a worried look on his face. "David, I think you actually believe your own wild story. I'm starting to get concerned. Maybe you need some sort of medication or therapy." "I swear Kevin, I'm telling you the truth!"I knocked on the door. Kevin said, "Come on in." 

Doug and I walked in. "Hi Matt. Hi Kevin. Sorry to bother you two.", I said. "Who are you?", Kevin asked, "...and why did you call David, Matt?" "Well, that's sort of hard to explain." "Don't tell me, let me guess, you're David, right?" "How did you know? Did Matt tell you?" "Ok, a joke's a joke, but this is really sick. I'm getting out of here." Kevin headed for the door. Doug blocked his path. "He's telling the truth. I think you ought to hear him out. In fact, David came here to tell Matt something important." Kevin stopped and turned around. "Fine, I can't wait to hear this." I walked over to Matt. "I've decided to swap bodies with you, permanently. Having this kind of power over someone is too destructive. I don't like the person I've become." "Really David? That's funny... ever since I became you, I got to know the real me inside. I discovered that I'm also gay, and that I was so afraid that I was taking it out on you and your friends. I'm truly sorry for being so abusive and for trying to hurt you earlier today." I could see that Matt was sincere in his apology. "I forgive you Matt. Now let's get back in our own bodies." I instructed Doug and Kevin to stand back. I could tell by the look on Kevin's face that he didn't believe any of this. I gave Matt the other ring. He slipped it on his finger. "Ok Matt, here goes." We snapped the rings back together. "Matt you go first", I said. Matt stared down at the rings, "I want to become Matt again." I focused my thoughts on the rings, "I want to become David again." Rings began to glow. The room lights began to dim. A cool breeze started to envelop us. Kevin looked frightened and started to back up towards the door. Doug grabbed him and told him it would be ok. The glow of energy covered our bodies one more time. I could see a change happening under Matt's clothing. His chest was expanding. His arms started to fill out with muscle. His waist was tightening. I could see his abs forming. I felt myself growing taller, becoming weaker. I saw my arms deflating. Kevin couldn't believe his eyes. He realized that Matt was telling the truth. Matt's legs swelled with muscle. He burst out of his shirt. It fell to the floor in tattered rags. His chiseled chest glistened from the sweat trickling down his v-shaped torso. His shoulders continued to widen as his lats filled in. 

A few minutes later the transformation ended. We stood facing each other in our old bodies.Kevin walked over to Matt. "That was incredible. If I hadn't been here I never would have believed it. You were telling me the truth. You really are Matt... and if you don't mind me saying so, you are gorgeous." "Thanks Kevin. I was hoping that some day I'd be able to kiss you in this body. That day is today." Matt reached over and passionately kissed Kevin. Kevin reciprocated by grabbing Matt in a tight embrace. "Why don't we head back to my place and you can tell me the entire story. Then afterwards, who knows?" "Sure thing Kevin. See you later guys." Matt and Kevin heading out the door."Well Doug, I guess I'd better head back to the gym and return the rings to Mr. Asito." "I'll go with you David." On the way back to the gym, Doug and I started to talk. "David, I much as wish you were still in Matt's body, I think you made the right decision by switching back with him. You were living in a fantasy world, even though it was a wonderful fantasy, it was just that... a fantasy." "I know. I'm really going to miss having those awesome muscles and that handsome face." "David, you're handsome in your own way. You're a really sweet, caring guy. Don't forget that." I grabbed Doug's hand. "I won't Doug. Thanks."We arrived at the gym and walked into the locker room. There sweeping up the floor was Mr. Asito. "Hi Doug. Hi David. I see you've returned to your body. Very interesting." "I didn't like the person I had become when I had the power of the rings, so I came back here to return them to you." I handed Mr. Asito the rings. "Very impressive David. That kind of power can corrupt the most noble of people. It is a wise man that makes the difficult choice that will benefit him down the road of life." "Thank you, Mr. Asito." "Please, call me Daniel." "Ok, Daniel. I just wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity to live out a terrific fantasy." "It was my pleasure David. But this fantasy is not over quite yet." "What do you mean?" "To reward you for your truly unselfish act, I want you to put the rings together one last time." Mr. Asito placed one ring on each of my hands. He turned me to face the full length mirror. "Now David, join the rings." I looked over at Doug for his opinion. 

Doug smiled and shook his head. I looked down and snapped the rings together. Mr. Asito held his hands over the rings and spoke a lengthy incantation. His hands started to glow with a bluish-white aura. A bolt of energy went from his hands into the rings. The rings began to ebb and flow with the blue and white glow. Slowly the glow made it's way up my arms, over my shoulders, up to my neck. It gradually covered my face. I looked in the mirror and saw it move down my torso until it enveloped my entire body. The lights flickered then went completely out. The only light in the room was emanating from my body. I could feel a cool breeze swirling around me. Mr. Asito spoke, "Now it shall begin."I looked in the mirror and saw my body start to change. All of the fat around my waist slowing began to disappear. In about 30 seconds, I was totally lean. There wasn't an ounce of fat anywhere on my body. I looked like the volleyball players I had always admired at the beach. I thought it was nice that Mr. Asito had given me the gift of a lean fit body. I took off my shirt and waited for the glow to subside, but it didn't. 

The glowing started to get even brighter. My waist began to narrow and tighten. I could see my oblique muscles developing on my sides. My stomach started to flatten. I rubbed my stomach with my hand and felt a six-pack of abs forming right under my skin. I watched as they slowly grew out from my tightening torso. My abs were now hard as a rock. "Doug, look what's happening to me! Look at my abs!" "I know David. It's incredible!" My rib cage was expanding. My chest started to grow outward and down. I could feel the muscle forming, getting thicker. It felt like I had two slabs of stone attached to my body. In a matter of seconds, I had a massive chiseled chest hanging over my ripped abs. Then my arms started to move away from my sides. My lats were growing at an accelerated rate. My arms were hanging at least a foot away from my waist. My shoulders started to burn. I looked to my right and saw my shoulder swelling with muscle. Then my 13-inch arms expanded to a solid 19-inches. My forearms thickened. 

I looked down and watched my legs as they continued to grow. My quads and hamstrings blossomed out. Becoming full and thick. The huge muscles looked like they were carved into my leg. When I flexed my thigh I could see all of the muscle groups separate. My calves suddenly ballooned to 3-times their size. "It is not over, look in the mirror, David." Mr. Asito requested. I looked up and saw my face changing. My jaw-line was becoming more angular. My chin was more square. My nose was narrowing, becoming straighter. My cheekbones were moving up my face. My lips were becoming more sensual, fuller. My eye color changed from a brownish grey to a crystal clear sky blue. My eyebrows filled in, looking thicker and making my eyes look even more sexy. When I smiled I saw 32 perfect teeth smiling back at me. Then as quickly as it began, it had ended. The breeze died down. The lights gradually came back on. The glow encompassing my body vanished. "The transformation has finished.", Mr. Asito has proclaimed. I stared at my image in the mirror. I was even a more spectacular specimen that Matt. I couldn't believe it was actually me. Then I wondered, "Daniel who have I become? I didn't have the ring connected to anyone else.", I said in a much deeper voice. "This is the real you, David. Standing before you is what you would have become if only the best parts of you had been able to develop. 

The rings filtered out the worst parts of your genetic code, leaving you with what you see before you." "I think I understand." Doug walked over. "David, you look amazing! You're even larger than me!" "I know. This is unbelievable." "I think the two of you have a lot to discuss." Mr. Asito winked and smiled. I handed Mr. Asito the rings and gave him a big bear hug. I turned to Doug, "You know I love you, Doug. Do you think you can learn to love the new me?" "There's only one way to find out." Doug put his hands on my face and gave me a passionate kiss on the lips. "I think I might be able to used to the new you!" Doug had a big smile on his face. We both laughed. Then we put our arms around each other's waist and headed out the door together. Doug and I had a feeling this was the beginning of something wonderful.

-- The End --

[aion-rsa]

How Ginger Snaps Explored the Subversive Horror of Womanhood

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In 2000 Mission: Impossible 2 topped the box office, Gladiator triumphed at the Oscars, and the first X-Men movie ushered in a new era of superhero movies. Meanwhile in Canada, while no one was watching, a new hero was emerging. Her name was Ginger, she was a 16-year-old girl, and ok, she might have turned into a monster and killed a few people but, wow, was she a ferocious figurehead for females everywhere. 

“That’s what she’s about. She’s about fuck you, fuck the patriarchy, fuck the standard, fuck society, fuck the norm. And to me, that’s a hero,” says Katharine Isabelle, speaking with Den of Geek via Zoom from her home in Vancouver, 20 years after the film’s debut. Isabelle was just 17 when she stepped into Ginger’s very cool boots and she had no idea it would become a massive cult hit.

“When it first came out, no one fucking watched it. It did well with some critics at a few festivals, but no one cared. No one went to see it,” she recalls. “It wasn’t until it hit the VHS circuit in small town Canada that people were like, ‘Oh, Ginger!.’ Emily [Perkins, who plays Ginger’s sister Brigitte] and I thought we’d be the only people that liked it because we were weird and dark. We had no idea that through the generations it would continue to have an effect on people.”

Watching 20 years on and Ginger Snaps absolutely holds up. More than that, in fact, it looks positively progressive and even transgressive in a year where we were onto our third Scream, our second Urban Legend, and our first Final Destination. Glossy teen slashers were the thing, which didn’t often make for great parts. 

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“In the ’90s, as a 17-year-old girl it was ‘be hot, get murdered’,” says Isabelle. “There weren’t a lot of really interesting characters coming out of that, especially in my small Vancouver, Canada acting world. So to see this and be like, ‘Holy shit, this really speaks to me, I am this dark, insecure, troubled, deep, dark humored girl who feels outcast and misunderstood by everybody,’ I was just like, ‘Yes. 100%.’”

Written by Karen Walton who would go on to write for Queer as Folk and Orphan Black, and directed by John Fawcett (one of Orphan Black’s co-creators), Ginger Snaps was a fresh take on the werewolf subgenre and a brand new slant on teen horror. This was about girls for a start – sisters Ginger and Brigitte who are weird outsiders fascinated with death. Though there’s sex in the movie it’s really a love story between the two females while the only male character who we have any sympathy for is a drug dealer who has no sexual interest in either. There are dog maulings along the way, and as we head towards the climax with Ginger becoming more and more monstrous, there’s plenty of gore.

But the most scandalous splash of blood is Ginger’s own first period.

Period piece

“You never see that. The visual of bloody panties is so shocking,” says Isabelle. 

“It’s what, 2020 and we’re just seeing feminine hygiene products using red dye instead of this fucking blue shit? We’re always so mortified by this human experience that half of the people on the planet go through. And you know what? At the same time you should be, because being female is a fairly horrific fucking experience in itself. So guess what? Why don’t you fucking look at it once in a while? For it to be labeled as shocking is just so boring to me.”

It would be bold even in 2020. That color matching company Pantone only last month released a new shade of red inspired by periods as part of a campaign to end menstruation stigma shows it very much still exists. So to be this open in discussing it in 2000 in a horror movie – traditionally assumed to be the playground of young men – was a brave move.

“I remember a friend of mine, his older brother had taken his friends to see it and he was like, [Isabelle does impression of bro-tastic young man] ‘Oh yeah, we were all screaming and throwing shit at the fucking screen and then we walked out. All this fucking women shit.’ I was like, ‘Cool. Thanks, buddy. Awesome.’ Fuck you! They thought they were going to see hot girl tits and werewolf stuff and they weren’t prepared for an actual look into what the female experience is like. And they couldn’t handle it. Pussies.”

Suddenly it’s like I’m talking to wolf-Ginger, fierce, articulate, full of fire, the Ginger that punches the mean girl in the face for hurting her sister, the Ginger that isn’t going to stand for any of your shit any longer, the Ginger that could tear the flesh from your bones if she wanted to. 

The metaphor of werewolf transformation and puberty is a no brainer to Isabelle.

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“You’re going along your life perfectly fine, something happens to you, boom. In one day, you have all these strange urges, you have all these weird thoughts. Your body is completely abandoning you and morphing into something else that you are not comfortable with,” she says. “It’s a complete betrayal of everything you know and how you feel. And it creates this monster in you that you have to reckon with and deal with. It’s a brilliant allegory.”

Ginger Snaps is body horror. It’s a movie about a woman’s own body destroying her from the inside out. Before she knows what’s really going on Ginger is bleeding, weak, crippled with cramps. Weird hair starts sprouting – a shaving scene really hammers home the horror of teenagers taking razors to their legs.

But with this pain comes power. Ginger is suddenly confident, beautiful, strong, the boys at the school all desire her and she knows it. She will take who she wants and do what she wants – there’s some serious wish fulfillment going on at the same time as the trauma of her transformation.

Being Ginger

It’s not really surprising that Isabelle is so like this iconic character. She says she had an immediate affinity to Ginger – both sides of Ginger, the troubled outsider as well as the she-wolf.

“At that time, I wasn’t a good enough actor to have acted it. I just had to be myself,” she laughs, “They showed a pieced-together trailer halfway through to the cast and crew and I had a complete panic attack. It was my first panic attack, and I was like, ‘I’m fucking this up.’ This is the best character in the best movie and I clearly have no idea what I’m doing. I’m obviously the worst, this is terrible. I’m ruining this, I should just die. So all of the insecurity and the manicness…”

This just in: it’s shit being a teenage girl. Even more so when you’re 17, on location without your mother for the first time and working 18 hour days. 

“I nearly fucking died!” she says. “Towards the end, it’s like a seven hour prosthetic piece when I’m full blown werewolf. I was living off of Oreos, McCain Deep Delicious Chocolate Cake, cigarettes, and Coca Cola. It was not good. And honestly, I wasn’t a good actor. So everything in that was just me being manic and sleep deprived and upset and insecure.”

Whatever was driving it Isabelle is excellent, flitting from difficult outsider with an undercurrent of fury to a whirlwind of teenage angst, sex, hunger, and violence that feels absolutely authentic.

Becoming the wolf

The effects are practical rather than CGI, which helps Ginger Snaps not to look dated on a rewatch. Ginger transforms gradually from woman to full blown wolf over days – she’s not a traditional werewolf who only becomes a wolf during the night of a full moon, instead once she turns fully she’s not coming back. Her different looks in the movie are cool and iconic – unsurprisingly Ginger Snaps cosplay is a ‘thing’ – which pleases Isabelle. The prosthetics procedure was somewhat less pleasing, however.

“I didn’t understand what the process was,” she says. “You see it in your head like you do when you read a book or whatever, or how the movie is going to be. You don’t think of the six hours on top of your 18 hour shooting day that you’re going to be inhaling alcohol-based paint until you’re high out of your fucking mind.”

The transformation came with other obstacles too.

“The process of losing my senses was a first for me. By the time I’m in the very late stage werewolf with the hair, the contacts and the claws, I can’t see anything, I can’t hear anything, I can’t smell anything, I can’t talk. I have fangs. I had to ADR most of the movie when I have fangs in. Because I had a lisp, so I’d be like, ‘Ask Tham. He’th the exthpert.’” She says, mimicking a line from the movie. 

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“It’s just terrible. I couldn’t touch anything and there is blood all over me, and it’s drying and I was trapped in my own body nightmare. You don’t really realize that when you go into it. So now when I read scripts, ever since then, I’m very like, ‘What does that exactly mean for the physical torture I will be experiencing through the duration of this?’ Let’s take a step back and just really look at this more closely,” she laughs. 

Pain and gain

Isabelle is funny – like Ginger, she has a dark sense of humor and though we genuinely get the sense that the shoot was traumatic (“We were all fucking ill and we were shooting nights for about three weeks in a row, so you do not see daylight. You lose your mind. It wasn’t quite Apocalypse Now, but it felt like that to me when I was 17.”), she’s got great stories. Like the time she gave herself a concussion… 

“There’s a scene where I slam my head on a desk and I was like, ‘Ginger probably really slammed her head on the desk.’ So I really did it a bunch of times and then woke up the next day with a fucking full on concussion headache. They had a doctor come in because I was fucked. He gave me Tylenol T3s and I took them on an empty stomach. I’m vomiting on set and they’re holding the roll, and I’ve got a bucket I’m puking into. And then immediately I had to do the slow motion walk down the hall scene. I was so fucked they had to put tape on the floor. I couldn’t walk in a straight line. I’m so mad every time I see that. I’m like ‘Fuck, you only get so many slow motion walking down the hallway looking cool and hot in your whole career, and you really fucked this one.’” 

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Of course, it doesn’t play that way on screen. It’s a key moment in the movie and even 20 years on, Ginger’s look still stands out. Costume designer Lea Carlson put together her outfits from thrift stores to create a kind of indie/goth cool with spot on accessories for an aesthetic that matched Ginger’s newly awakened give-no-fucks vibe.

“When that infection hits and she’s got that fucking attitude, it’s like, don’t we all wish we could just walk around with that attitude like a hero?” says Isabelle.

She says she can watch the movie now and enjoy it, though she couldn’t for a while.

”I haven’t seen it in 15 years because I tend to not revisit my most awkward moments on film as a teenager,” she laughs. But she now speaks fondly of this “wonderful sisterly love story.” 

Ginger and B

She and co-star Perkins had known each other “forever” before filming began, having even been born in the same hospital and gone to the same elementary school so they auditioned for Ginger Snaps together. Perkins as the younger Brigitte (even though Isabelle is actually four years younger than Perkins) is sympathetic, awkward, vulnerable, and eventually heroic and there’s an obvious chemistry between the two. Isabelle recalls how between one of the auditions and the first time director John Fawcett came out to meet them Emily had shaved her head.

”I was like, ‘What are you doing? You’ve fucked this for us!’, I didn’t even recognize her in the room. And then thank God, we got the part. And that’s why she’s wearing this wig, this very offensive wig throughout the film…”

Why did she shave her head during casting for this movie? We can’t not ask…

“I don’t know. I don’t know. She was having a moment. She’s a very smart, progressive woman, and she was feeling her oats,” Isabelle laughs.

Despite the traumas of the prosthetics and the shoot, Isabelle has clear affection for the movie and a character who rings incredibly true even 20 years later, largely because of her authentic performance  “It connects still to this day with people who weren’t even born when it came out. And that’s always shocking to me,” she says.

So what would today’s Katharine Isabelle tell her 17 year old self, 20 years ago?

“Oh, God. Fucking suck it up, you whiny bitch.” she says, all wolf-Ginger before swapping back to pre-transformation Ginger. “No, I would be like, ‘Yo, this is good, and you’re going to be okay. You’re gonna be good, and you’re not going to hate yourself as much as you think you do. And eventually, in 17 years, you’ll be able to watch this without having a total meltdown about how obviously terrible and insecure you are.”

She pauses.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

“Isn’t that what everyone says to themselves 20 years ago? ‘You’ll be okay, don’t be so insecure, believe in yourself, you got this?’ I think that’s what everyone would say to their younger self. Also, ask for more money.”

The post How Ginger Snaps Explored the Subversive Horror of Womanhood appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[lo-lynx]

Brienne and me- breaking gender norms in Westeros and in our own world

CW: sexism, homophobia, transphobia, racism (briefly)

”I am the only one the gods let him keep. The freakish one, not fit to be a son or a daughter.” (Martin 2011, 672). This quote from Brienne’s sixth chapter in A Feast for Crows is probably one of the most heart-breaking quotes from the whole series, in my opinion. It’s also one that hits a bit too close to home for me, as a trans/genderqueer person. In the essay I want to (attempt to) explain why I can relate so much to Brienne, as well as put this in the perspective of some gender theory. I want to begin with an attempt at a theoretical understanding of what it feels like being out of place, of behaving contrary to norms, and having the world react to that. Then I’ll return to Brienne’s experiences, and my own.

In her book Queer Phenomenology: Orientations, objects, others Sara Ahmed writes about how bodies inhabit space in different ways (2006). She notes that depending on what path, or lines, we follow through life, different things becomes reachable for us (ibid, 14). She writes that “bodies take shape through tending toward objects that are reachable, that are available within the bodily horizon.” (ibid, 2). She describes how when we are in line, so to say, we follow the direction that others have followed before us, and this allows our bodies to extend into spaces that are already used to their form (ibid, 15). Ahmed mainly explores this in relation to gender, sexuality, and race/whiteness. I’ll return to lines about gender and sexuality later, but for now I want to focus on whiteness, because that’s a clear example of Ahmed’s writing on bodies and space. She argues, that in a world that is made white, the body that is comfortable and at home in that world is the body which can inhabit whiteness (ibid, 109). She continues this line of thought by writing about stopping devices, things that stops one’s movement, that questions one’s belonging to a certain place. This, for instance, often happen with black bodies in white spaces (ibid, 139). She also makes a note of how intersectionality impacts one’s position in different spaces:

There are ‘points’ in such intersections, as the ‘points’ where lines meet. A body is such a meeting point. To follow one line (say whiteness) will not necessarily get you too many points if one does not or cannot follow others. How one moves along institutional lines is affected by the other lines that one follows. (ibid, 136)

What Ahmed means here, is that one’s ability to be “in line” depends on several factors. She here connects the following of differing lines that she has previously mentioned, for instance regarding gender and sexuality. This, I take to mean that you could apply her reasoning about following lines of whiteness to following gender lines as well for instance. This becomes interesting in relation to what she writes about disorientation:

Disorientation can be a bodily feeling of losing one’s place, and an effect of the loss of a place; it can be a violent feeling, and a feeling that is affected by violence, or shaped by violence directed toward the body. (ibid, 160)

This, I think, allows us to think of disorientation in relation to several different types of institutional lines, such as gender, race, sexuality, and class.

In another text, An Affinity of Hammers, Ahmed continues to write about the experience of being out of line, of being blocked (2016).

We learn about worlds when they do not accommodate us. (…) Another way of saying this: when we are not at home, when we are asked where we are from or who we are, or even what we are, we experience a chip, chip, chip, a hammering away at our being. (Ahmed 2016, 22)

She uses this idea of hammering to analyse different anti-trans (yet self-proclaimed feminist) texts, and writes:

Some of the hammering might seem on the surface quite mild because it appears as an instance: a joke here, a joke there. And jokiness allows a constant trivializing: as if by joking someone is suspending judgment on what is being said. (…) Many of these instances might be justified as banter or humorous (the kind of violent humor that feminists should be familiar with because feminists are often at the receiving end). So much of this material makes trans women in particular the butt of a joke. (ibid, 28)

Just as many trans people (particularly trans women) are the butt of a joke, much anti-trans writing can be seen as a “rebuttal system” according Ahmed. She writes:

A rebuttal is a form of evidence that is presented to contradict or nullify other evidence that has been presented by an adverse party. A rebuttal is a form of evidence that is directed against evidence that has already been presented. What if you are required to provide evidence of your own existence? When an existence is understood as needing evidence, then a rebuttal is directed not only against evidence but against an existence. An existence can be nullified by the requirement that an existence be evidenced. (ibid, 29)

Essentially, what Ahmed is saying, is that the constant jokes and questioning of trans people becomes a constant hammering against our existence. Having to constantly prove that you exist hammers away at your very being. Finally, Ahmed writes about how norms and barriers are experienced differently for different people:

We notice norms as palpable things when they block rather than enable an entry. If you do not conform to an idea of woman—of who she is, how she comes to be, how she appears—then you become a diversity worker in both senses. For to exist as a woman would require chipping away at the walls that demarcate who resides there, who belongs there. And this is what diversity workers come up against: walls. An institutional wall is not something that we can simply point to: there it is, look! An institutional wall is not an actual wall that exists in front of everyone. It is a wall that comes up because of who you are or what you are trying to do. Walls that are experienced as hard and tangible by some do not even exist for others. And this is how hammering, however exhausting, can become a tool. Remember, it is through hammering that these walls become tangible. We can direct our attention toward those institutions that chip away us. We chip away at those walls, those physical or social barriers that stop us from residing somewhere, from being somewhere. We chip away at those walls by trying to exist or trying to transform an existence. (ibid, 32)

(I felt like I had to end this section on a bit of a positive note!) (Also, can you tell that I REALLY like the way Ahmed writes by the number of quotes I’m including?)

 Now that we’ve discussed how bodies are stopped, I want to return to institutionalised lines regarding gender, and how diverging from them is perceived by the world. In her book Kroppslinjer: Kön, transsexualism och kropp i berättelser om könskorrigering (”Bodylines: gender, transsexualism and embodiment in narratives about gendercorrection”), Signe Bremer writes about how lines (in the way Sara Ahmed conceptualises them) upholds, conditions, and produces embodied subjects and the world they inhabit (2017, 214). Bodies and subjects are only seen as coherent if they follow these lines. For instance, a person’s bodily materiality, legal sex, gender identity, gendered expression, sexual desire, ways of reproduction, parental status, kinship, etc are expected to follow the same straight line through life. In this way, Bremer writes, the way Ahmed describes lines is very similar to how another feminist theorist, Judith Butler, describes norms; norms control what is seen as a liveable life and possible personhood. Bremer also writes about the act of passing for a trans person. Drawing inspiration from Ahmed’s writing about which bodies get to comfortable inhabit certain spaces, Bremer describes the act of passing as just that, having one’s body become invisible when inhabiting a space, and thus fitting comfortably (ibid, 134). Bremer furthermore writes about interpellation:

What is meant with interpellation, in the way that Judith Butler conceives of it, is the performative acts of speech through which bodies, by the act of being named, step into the sphere of coherence, and are constituted as possible subjects and ‘real’ people. (ibid, 196) (my translation)

What is meant here, is that when someone is named as something (for instance as a woman), that’s when the person is understood as that thing. She also notes, however, that interpellation does not require the consent of the individual, interpellation can also be forced upon them. This is because, for a body to be interpaled it must follow the lines of society which makes it possible for the body to be recognised as a human. As Bremer notes, this can often result in trans people being interpaled as a wrong gender.

So, now I’ll return to Brienne. I would argue that by not following expected lines through life, she is in a way constantly uncomfortable. She simply does not fit in. One clear example of this is when Brienne contemplates seeking Sansa Stark in the free cities:

Brienne did not want to chase the girl across the narrow sea, where even the language would be strange to her. I will be even more a freak there, grunting and gesturing to make myself understood. They will laugh at me, as they did at Highgarden. A blush stole up her cheeks as she remembered.

Brienne III A Feast for Crows (Martin 2011, 299).

She then goes on to describe her experience of having “suitors” court her as part of a bet, and the humiliation when she realised why they did it. But, oh, if the feeling of being awkward and being laughed at isn’t familiar…

I still remember the gym classes in elementary schools where we were supposed to practice dancing. How awkward I felt. How some of the crueller boys would look on me with disgust when we got pared up and tried to switch partners. How I ended up pretending to be sick to get out of those classes.

And then there’s the constant stream of “jokes” laid at Brienne…

“I thought Brienne the Beauty had no use for men.”

- Ser Hyle Hunt, Brienne III A Feast for Crows (Martin 2011, 292)

That one Facebook comment on my photo that said: “lol so gay”.

… and the mocking of her very existence:

“it is said that your father is a good man. If so, I pity him. Some men are blessed with sons, some with daughters. No man deserves to be cursed with such as you.”

- Lord Randyll Tarly, Brienne V A Feast for Crows (Martin 2011, 520)

That other Facebook comment which replied: “You’re not gay, you’re a garbage dump filled with genetic waste.”

The words thrown at her to hurt her, to belittle her, said by those who cannot understand who or what she is:

“’Whore!’ he boomed ‘Freak! Bitch!’”

- Rorge, Brianne VII A Feast for Crows (Martin 2011, 795)

That one time someone commented on a post I made about LGBTQ rights, saying that I was just a confused gender activist who supported paedophilia. That other time when a student I was teaching said that being LGBTQ was just wrong. All those times students have joked that if someone can identify as non-binary, then they can identify as an attack helicopter.

And then there’s the constant feeling of not being enough…

“’A daughter’ Brienne’s eyes filled with tears. ‘He deserves that. A daughter who could sing to him and grace his hall and bear him grandsons. He deserves a son too, a strong and gallant son to bring honor to his name. (…) I am the only child the gods let him keep. The freakish one, not fit to be a son or a daughter.’”

Brienne VI A Feast for Crows, (Martin, 672)

That time I had finally gathered up my courage to tell my mum. And her first question was if I was sure, maybe I just felt restricted by gender norms? Maybe I just didn’t like girly things? Maybe I still was her daughter? And I felt a world of disappointment crash down on me. Even after, when she understood, when she tried her best to be accepting. Even then, the fear of being a disappointment. Even then, fearing that I was disappointing her simply by not being her daughter anymore.

Having to argue for your existence. That you exist even if you do not fit the world’s expectations of you. Having to experience that continuous hammering. Not being intelligible in the eyes of society because you are not a son nor a daughter, not a knight nor a lady. Not following the expected path through life. Constantly being stopped, questioned; what are you doing here?

“’A war host is no place for a maiden. If you have any regard for your virtue or the honor of your house, you will take off that mail, return home, and beg your father to find a husband for you.’”

- Lord Randyll Tarly, Brienne III A Feast for Crows (Martin 2011, 301)

The amount of people who have said that people like I don’t exist. We’re just confused. There only exist two sexes, two genders, that’s just biology.

People trying to force you do fit into the straight line. Be straight. Be a lady. Become a wife, a mother. Trying to make you into what you’re not, with words, with actions. Interpellation forcing you into what you’re not; daughter, maiden, lady.  When they still can’t understand you, then labelling you with other words; freak, garbage, confused.

Not being able to be comfortable. So rarely being able to relax. Never really being in a space in which your body can just extend itself unchallenged. Keeping running up against walls. Being hyperaware of how other people perceive you and your body. Seeing their disgusted looks. Wanting to hide from it all. Trying to make your body take up less space, to make it less of a target of their violent words. Still getting hurt, still feeling like you don’t fit, still feeling disorientated and out of place. Realising that some people will never understand you. Realising that to so many people, you and your life will always be strange. Realising that in the eyes of society, your life is simply seen as unliveable.

Realising all of that and trying to go on anyway. To turn the hammering the world has given you into a tool. To make it your strength. To remember that “men will always underestimate you” and make use of it (from Brienne II A Feast for Crows. Martin 2011, 203).

 In this essay I have tried to combine theory and personal experience in a way that I very seldom have before. I hope it ended up making sense. It was my way of explaining why I love Brienne of Tarth so much, and why her story hurts so much. I want it to be clear that what Brienne goes through is much worse than what I’ve had to suffer. In the end my family is supportive even if they mess up. I have friends who backs me up when I have a rough time with the transphobia of the world. But I can very much relate to Brienne’s feeling of being out of place, of not being comfortable, of feeling like a freak sometimes. And I greatly admire her ability to carry on through it all. To be able to turn the hammering into a hammer, into a tool, into a way forward.

 References

Ahmed, Sara. 2006. Queer Phenomenology: Orientations, Objects, Others. Duke University Press: Durham

Ahmed, Sara. 2016. “An Affinity for Hammers”, TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly, 3:1-2, 22-34.

Bremer, Signe. 2017. Kroppslinjer: Kön, transsexualism och kropp i berättelser om könskorrigering. Makadam: Göteborg.

Martin, George RR. 2011. A Feast for Crows. New York: Bentam Books.

[figmentof]

ourdesignatedgrapes replied to your post “Ok yes about the SC fandom being cliquey, you’re �� right and you...”

I would be very happy to hear your thoughts on SC and it's lack of diversity/ what could have been done better. I have my own thoughts but I'd really like to hear yours. Don't worry if that's a big ask, it's just something that interests me, and the more I think about it the more I conclude that SC could have done better.

Thanks for opening up this discussion with me! I never really thought anyone in this fandom wanted to talk about it because somehow having LGBT rep, albeit white, seems like it should be Enough™ and this fandom in particular tends to really avoid talking about diversity because then our favorite, heartwarming show has flaws *gasp* and that’s unacceptable!! That’s the vibe i get anyway

I think the first thing that should’ve been done would’ve been to just name-drop more poc celebs as Alexis or David’s exes. It’s bare minimum and doesn’t really do all THAT much but it’s a start? The next thing would be getting rid of Ray’s subtle but obvious Indian accent, seeing as Rizwan Manji legit doesn’t even have an accent and yet he has one on the show? Why????? Can we Asians for once not have an accent on a mainstream show or is that too much to ask.... Then there’s Ronnie, who, as the show has coded her, is a lesbian and seemingly butch which is nice-- but she’s also black and really aggressive towards Patrick, who is a white gay. And although it’s hilarious to watch Patrick’s people pleaser ass try his hardest to get on Ronnie’s good side and always failing, there’s..... an inherent problem there with having a black lesbian be antagonistic towards a polite white gay man. I’m sure people are gonna accuse me of not having a sense of humor and taking things so literally but there we go.

I’m sure you’ve seen the behind the scenes videos or pictures of the crew on insta/youtube, where it’s so white it’s like I’m staring at Canadian winter or something. Last I checked Toronto isn’t lacking in diversity so what’s the deal with that? Make An Effort™ at least. The writers room is white as all hell too, not to mention Dan did hire a bunch of his own friends and that makes me wonder does he have poc friends that work in the industry or..... like is Julia Chan who is half white British the only person he knows ksdjhfkjdhf

The pan aspect is refreshing and it’s pretty much SC’s main selling point because pansexual people are severely lacking in pan rep, and obviously Patrick’s entire storyline was done incredibly well. The talk/addition of diversity doesn’t take away from the queer rep but rather works alongside it. imo SC is like Parks and Rec (both with a black woman and an Indian man) except newer with better queer rep. Both shows make you feel good and you’re always in a good mood after watching them. However it’s undeniable that both shows are extremely white, at least for Parks and Rec there are more poc working behind the scenes than on SC, though the show ended in 2015 when SC premiered 👀

The Rose family had to be white because Dan and Eugene and Catherine, which alright, I’ll let that slide seeing as the journey they went on from being arrogant rich white people to being somewhat more humbled/normal is great to watch, but the supporting cast could’ve been poc. lbr Stevie could’ve easily been East Asian

Now I think Noah is incredible, I really do, I can’t see anyone else doing Patrick justice the way he does, but boy. boy imagine if David ended up in an interracial marriage with a gay moc. Wouldn’t that be something 😔Wouldn’t Patrick’s coming out story be doubly impactful if he had immigrant parents? idk

Anyway that’s my two cents lol

What parts of SC do you think they could’ve done better? I’d love to hear your thoughts as well!

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2019

i mean, everyone's doing these write-ups, right? might as well hop onto the bandwagon

towards the end of last year i had one of my typical existential crises about my media consumption: am i slowly disappearing up my own ass because i no longer care about most of the pop culture people like to discuss ad nauseam? but on the other hand, isn’t it more responsible to find the niche items made by non-mainstream and marginalized creators? on the third hand, wouldn’t i be much happier if i just watched FMA Brotherhood over and over again, preferably while starting a new Mass Effect playthrough at the same time?

the answer to all these questions is probably “yes,” but i decided to try something different going into 2019. for every week of the year, i would try to get through a year’s worth of content for some kind of media, be it comics, video games, TV, etc--they didn’t all have to be recent, or even new to me, but once i was done with that week i’d be done, even if i didn’t finish the content, and i’d make a judgement based what i’d seen on whether i want to continue. mostly, i was trying to avoid what happened to me with video games in 2018, when i was hating every second of playing Uncharted but still felt obligated to finish because everyone and their houseplant liked Uncharted or listlessly doing the Master Hunter achievement in RDR2 because the main quest made me miserable.

the actual outcomes of this Project(tm) are a little more complicated than anticipated--some media i could finish in a day, while trying to play through ALL THE CONTENT OF AN MMO understandably took much longer than a week--but it all kind of evened out. in the end i did 48 weeks of this, and used December as my catch-ups month to follow up on some things i didn’t get to finish. i thought i’d give my thoughts on each of the things i consumed this year as part of this project below in a concise manner--and yes, i know the people who’ve read even one (1) thing i’ve written are probably laughing right now, particularly given how long i took in this introduction just to get to me point, but i really am going to try!! it’s all an exercise in shameless self-indulgence, basically, but hey: if any of you want to chat at length about any of this stuff below, hit me up.

(quick note: you’ll only find media that i chose for this particular project below, so things i watched socially with friends--like certain film properties slorping me back into Disney’s gelatinous monolith--are not included)

Devilman Crybaby (anime, finished 1/5/2019): honestly i should have twigged onto what the year was going to be like when the first thing i drew from the metaphorical barrel was demon tiddies and apocalyptic existentialism. i was determined to dislike it for most of the year due to fundamentally disagreeing with its main thematic thrust, but i kept THINKING about it even months after. at this point i’ve kinda mellowed out. it’s definitely not a must love, but there’s enough queer metaphor and philosophical richness in it to make it worth checking out.

Attack on Titan (manga, 3 volumes finished 1/12/2019): this is the second time i’ve tried to get into this franchise and...yeah, no. i still don’t see the appeal. the fascistic overtones juxtaposed with absolutely no one having a sense of humor wigs me out to no end.

Young Justice (TV, 2.5 seasons finished 1/31/2019): honestly, what even is there to say? they’re my kids. they’re back and grown up and making even more terrible decisions. i screamed when i saw Babs in her wheelchair.

Black Leopard, Red Wolf (book, finished 2/10/2019): i tried VERY HARD to like this book, given how much i liked Brief History of Seven Killings, but it just...didn’t click for me. which honestly is fine, since i don’t think it was made for me either.

Dragon Age (3 games, finished 2/28/2019): i feel like there’s always a part of me that’s going to think of this series as “the other one,” but y’know. it’s good. it’s my second playthrough (as a mage for all three) and it’s good! i even went around killing all the dragons in Inquisition because Knight Enchanter was a blast. appreciate the higher queer content vis-a-vis Mass Effect, even though i couldn’t care less about any of the plot. Dragon Age II is the best one, do not @ me

Bitter Root (comic, 4 issues finished 3/1/2019): i love intergenerational dramas and i love stories about vampire slayers, so this was aces. my only complaint is the pacing was a little slow for a story that was going on hiatus after five issues.

Pearl (comic, 6 issues finished 3/3/2019): i know that he’s done great things and grudgingly admit that he’s probably a net positive in the industry but Brian Michael Bendis can suck my entire dick

Lazarus (comic, 5 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i really thought this was going to clench the position for comic of the year. it’s Rucka doing Highly Relevant Dystopia! it’s a corporate Lannisters AU! it’s a highly personal story about a woman with high privilege and little agency! what more could you want

Immortal Hulk (comic, 2 trades finished 3/ 4/2019): i vibed with the horror feel, but i don’t honestly think it’s THAT exceptional. being set in 616-verse means there was still ton of baggage i didn’t know or care about, since i’ve now swung more to the DC side of things

thank u, next (album, finished 3/5/2019): didn’t Ariana Grande get canceled this year for some reason? oh well, i liked her album

When I Get Home (album, finished 3/13/2019): i vividly remember listening to this for the first time and feeling vaguely disappointed that it wasn’t more like Seat at the Table until i realized that i was covered in goosebumps. still don’t understand the magic but it is Good

The Bird King (book, finished 3/23/2019): pretty much everything you’d expect from a G. Willow Wilson book--spirituality, the female lead finding Themselves and the Answer and learning they’re the same thing, etc etc. i’m slightly resentful that her Wonder Woman was so lackluster while this was so good, but whatevs

Psychodrama (album, finished 3/29/2019): possibly my favorite album of the year? dense and emotionally raw in a way i really appreciate. Dave has a Mercury and he’s younger than me

Mass Effect (4 games, finished 4/7/2019): wow guys did you know that Mass Effect is good! it is. all of it is actually, even the Mass Effect 3 ending, another controversial finale to a big franchise that i will obstinately defend. even Andromeda, which isn’t AS good as the trilogy but still has a lot of heart. all its bugs have been exhaustively patched since launch anyway

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV, 4 seasons finished 5/13/2019): i’m...still kind of mad about this finale, but can’t exactly deny that this show is one of the best things to ever happen to me, or television probably. i didn’t even mind new!Greg that much! tho he was probably the nail on the coffin of me jumping onto the Nathaniel train.

Knights of the Old Republic/The Old Republic (3 games, finished 7/4/2019): did you guys know that KOTOR II was my first ever video game? i feel like that...explains a lot about me. anyway, the first game is a classic and the second is a deconstructive classic and playing either of them is basically a fun way for me to turn off my brain these days. even the MMO wasn’t as much of slog as i worried it would be. the Imperial Agent storyline had some nice surprises and i dig the general atmosphere of ruthless pragmatism and crushing loneliness.

Wanderers (book, finished 7/13/2019): Chuck Wendig is a very well-intentioned man in dire need of a strict editor. still good tho! some VERY punchy emotional bits and an ending that still leaves me with vague existential terror.

Code Geass (anime, 2 seasons finished 7/20/2019): i feel like this is on the polar opposite of the spectrum as Devilman Crybaby, because i don’t think Geass is GOOD on like, any basis, and i actually find its central moral message kind of abhorrent? but some part of my lizard brain LOVED the High Imperial Family Drama (it’s been a good year for me and Lannister types, hasn’t it? well, with the obvious exception of--never mind), so...yeah. have i discovered the true meaning of guilty pleasure

The Farewell (movie, finished 7/23/2019): how could i not a) watch this and b) love this and c) feel emotionally cold towards this at the same time because the situations depicted were so similar to mine that i ended up feeling kind of alienated

The Nickel Boys (book, finished 8/8/2019): i STILL haven’t read Underground Railroad, but here i am a book late and a dollar short to appreciate Whitehead’s new book. the man’s stylistic versatility is jaw-dropping and i appreciate the plotting in contrast to like, 90% of the litfic out there that’s just “protagonist sad in different milieu”

Durarara (anime, 2 seasons finished 8/31/2019): it’s fucking bonkers and i loved pretty much every second of it? even the second season, where i finally got the BruceNat AU i deserved??? the first anime i’ve seen where everyone was relatively soberly dressed. the answer was love and having feelings and asking your middle school best friend to hurl you like a projectile so you can chop your girlfriend’s head off with a demon katana

Lover (album, finished 9/1/2019): i feel like with all the Discourse surrounding Taylor Swift re: she’s the devil incarnate or re: she’s good, actually the fact that she makes fucking bops gets kind of lost in the conversation. i have no vested interest in her as a person but i liked Lover, even though London Boy was “what if Style but stupid”

Are You Listening (comic, finished 10/2/2019): my actual choice for best comic of the year if i were giving out awards like that. it’s coming of age! it’s grief! it’s queers! it’s trauma! it’s magical realism! it’s cats! it’s expressive gorgeous art! Tillie Walden has an Eisner and she’s younger than me

High School DxD (manga, 2 volumes finished 10/10/2019): i don’t even know how to talk about this series?? i actually kind of came around to the whole “main character is a perv but goes hard for consent” by the end of the second volume, but it’s still...bad. i only can have lingering conflicted feelings about one Japanese adaptation of Christian mythology per year

Ghosteen (album, finished 10/18/2019): much like Immortal Hulk i thought it was fine but over-hyped. it’s Nick Cave doing his Nick Cave ethereal music thing. i still can’t tell what any of the lyrics mean, except Jesus is there sometimes

Watchmen (TV, 2 episodes finished 10/29/2019): i am nOT FUCKING CAUGHT UP so please watch out for spoilers. it is on my high priority list of things to be caught up on tho--i appreciate that the plot is blatantly unsubtle but still manages to give me aneurysms and i appreciate the political overtones just kinda...balances on a razor thin wire and also gives me aneurysms. i wanna say i have no expectations and would be fine if it does a full dive into the horrible bland depths of the both-sides porridge, but i’m sadly a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof

Syllabus/Making Comics (2 comics, finished 12/24/2019): it’s funny--even before Making Comics came out i was like “man i miss Lynda Barry” and then BAM. it’s incredible how her work just makes me feel taken care of, even when we’re wrestling with tough topics or she’s demanding that i draw a Batman in 30 seconds. kudos for immediately shooting to the top of my gift list for my sister also

Allegiance/Choices of One (2 books, finished 12/24/2019): fun and largely inoffensive, but i was honestly hoping for more. the level of Empire apologia going on was too much for me, someone who thinks Mara Jade is the best Star Wars character of all time (still?????? still). it reeked a little of Zahn believing his own hype as the only valid guy in Star Wars Legends of whatever

Aldnoah.Zero (anime, 1 season finished 12/24/2019): turns out i also can only have “trash but my trash” feelings about one Japanese mecha show with higher art pretensions and patriotism verging into jingoism per year, and this one ain’t it. it’s not as good as Code Geass and Code Geass ISN’T GOOD. at least Geass attempted character complexity and moved at enough of a breakneck pace to distract me from its questionable bits. Aldnoah is just...bland, and nothing gets accomplished or revealed in 12 episodes, except the baffling and contradictory motivations of the main bad guy.

Baldur’s Gate (game, unfinished): yet again something i really wanted to like, given *gestures at all the BioWare above*. i think it’s mainly the Seinfeld issue, where it actually predates my own experience with video games and was so formative for the Western RPG genre that what was innovative just comes across as kind of staid now. i didn’t DISLIKE it, and will probably play the sequel since it’s supposed to be more character-driven, but by the time i finished the vanilla campaign i just didn’t have it in me to squint at more tiny avatars on the screen, so the expansions ended up a no-go.

most prominent thing i noticed about this list is that only one 2019 movie made it on the list and ZERO 2019 video games did so. the former i’m okay with because i currently live with two film people with whom i’m happy to tag along to the cinema. the latter bums me out a little more, because there WERE a few things i wanted to play this year, but all of them came out just as my semester was reaching its catastrophic boil, so i had no time. maybe i’ll use my free time after the New Year festivities to catch up on those.

to conclude: this worked out pretty well! i ended up finishing all but one of the things, and only a few were bad enough that i have no interest in seeking out more content. i’ll probably do this again in 2020--we’ll see if the scheduling can withstand a full year of grad school hell

[bardofv0id]

Meat vs. Candy: Meat

Here’s the thing.

I’m hearing two main arguments online... a lot of people saying the epilogues are Terrible, for various reasons, and a few people saying they're Good, with a smaller but vocal subset of those people arguing that if you don’t like them then you’re obviously just expecting to be spoon-fed a fluff ending in which the Character You Like gets a wish-fulfillment storybook epilogue.

There are probably some people who are mad about not getting that. However, I think misrepresenting the range of anger various parts of the fandom are experiencing as being purely some kind of childish knee-jerk tantrum at not getting the toy they wanted is disingenuous, at best, and parallels some of the mistakes of the epilogues themselves.  Note that this in no way excuses or justifies people sending the writers or anyone else death-threats or whatever the hell else has been going on.

Honestly... the Meat ending was pretty good writing, in my opinion.  It wasn’t comfortable or happy or flattering in any way to a number of characters who I recognize people care deeply about, but it was nothing really worse than I expected from Earth C, based on the fundamental narrative of Lord English’s giant closed-loop system.  The loop had to close, in order for Homestuck proper to occur at all.  That means that Earth C is where Calliope and Caliborn hatch and grow up, far, far in the future. And that means that universe, like the others, will be destroyed by a SBURB session one day. Sorry, folks.  It was never meant to be a 'happy ending'.

Meat was deeply metatextual. It was gristly and greasy and discomfiting.  It raised questions about what it means to have a narrator, and whose biases are implicitly included--and I think those are very interesting questions to raise, whether or not they are particularly satisfying to someone who is also reading for the characters.

Spoilers beyond the read-more, for obvious reasons.

That said, there were elements that did surprise me.  The removal of the other kids from different points in different doomed timelines, to fight with John against LE, rather than being his teammates from Earth C--but from John’s perspective, it doesn’t seem like there’s much difference.  Either way, they’re not fully ‘real’ to him (and barely feel real to us, as quickly as they appear and then die). He’s from the Game Over timeline, he’s battling depression, and nobody in the retcon timeline is really quite authentic to him, either--just as to many fans, they didn’t feel quite authentic, when the retcon happened and we had to suddenly let go of the characters we'd watched grow and change, replaced by funhouse mirror reflections and could-have-beens.

I’ve also seen some reasonably interesting arguments that a lot of Dirk’s narration, in the Meat route, either sounds eerily like Vriska talking or flips back and forth between Vriska-mode and Dirk-mode, well before alt!Calliope ever gets involved.  I’m prepared to believe some Serket element (whether that is potentially Vriska, or the Aranea who was abruptly displaced from her attempt at wresting control of the narrative by John) was involved there, and Dirk was not acting entirely of his own accord.  I’m also prepared to shrug and say “okay, maybe it was just a narrative parallel--Homestuck does that a lot”.  Some narration, especially when Terezi is involved, doesn't sound at all how I would expect a Serket-influenced narrator to sound with regards to her, in particular.  It doesn’t particularly grind my gears to think some version of Dirk, in the right environment, might make a series of choices that leads him to behaving like this, entirely on his own.  I recognize that it’s upsetting to DirkJake fans in particular to see their favorite pairing written like this, but it doesn’t feel wholly out of character to me for either of them to develop in these directions, given the right (or wrong) pressures and external situations. This Dirk is the culmination of a very wide multiplicity of Dirks, including at least one if not more who ended up directly subsumed in Lord English and/or under his explicit influence.

I’ve heard that some people were attacking the Meat route on the grounds of transphobia, which... I think is a rather weak argument, given that it’s recognized in the text itself, as pronoun changes are handled respectfully by one narrator-character and inconsistently by a second, who is being set up as the villain of the story. That seems like a pretty solid metatextual rejection of the action, no?  Like, if a villain does a bad thing, in a story, while the hero is fighting them, do you argue that the story itself advocates for that thing? There has to be some kind of distinction between ‘character does X’ and ‘author of story advocates X is Morally Correct’, or we would never have any villains at all. Dirk's dismissiveness toward Roxy's agency grows, the further toward 'villain' he slides.

Were there some things I liked, in Meat?  I guess.  From a sociopolitical and cultural standpoint, the shitty repercussions of the way the retcon gang set up a planet, dumped a bunch of chess people and clone grubs, then left them to do all the work of creating its society and waiting for their eventual 'godly' return... were pretty logical. I'm actually happy that it was acknowledged, instead of just brushed off as inconsequential.  It was interesting, too, to see some of the kids playing with notions of gender identity as they grew, and how their companions adjusted. It was telling (in terms of Dirk's character development) how he thought of Roxy and Calliope's gender explorations as something he could choose to 'allow' or not. Also, with how truncated most of the gang's personal development (and plot development) was in Homestuck proper ('thanks', retcon!Vriska), I think it kinda made sense how stunted and incapable of like... dealing with regular life in a functional way a lot of them seemed. Jumping straight to teenage 'godhood' didn't make them experienced or smart. It's sad that all of them just kind of... stagnate there, but Earth C has always felt incredibly stagnant to me.

Retcon!Vriska getting swallowed by the black hole was at least thematically fitting, though I'm wondering why she is using such Seer-themed language, suddenly. I also like that the wallet is finally back in play. Rose and Dirk's philosophical debate about individuation and free will is delightfully creepy, given the themes of the story. There are moments, within the story, that the turns of phrase and the humor just hit me full in the teeth and remind me this is Homestuck, and I do love those moments.  And of course, my xenobiological worldbuilding interests enjoyed that apparently, earth onions are quite toxic to trolls.

Were there things I didn’t like in Meat?  Yeah, of course. I don't particularly like that John, an Heir of Breath--one who is innately positioned to awaken Breath, freedom and motivation in the people around him--callously shoves an unresisting teenager he's barely met into a refrigerator and just leaves him there, apparently convinced he deserves it.

Did some of the things I disliked relate to the storytelling itself, rather than just how characters were characterized, or what actions they took?  Yeah. Why are we still out here queer-baiting with Dave and Karkat?  Years have passed.  They have spent literal years sitting 1.5 feet apart so it's 'not gay'? I sincerely don't think this pairing is actually healthy or beneficial to either of them, the way it developed in canon, but come on. Then, they still balk and drag their feet unless it's being narratively pushed on them by someone else. It's just painful to watch.

I also take a certain level of personal offense as a Tavros fan when the narrative goes out of its way to repeatedly harp on Tavros being useless and no one giving a shit what he's doing.  Ghost Tavros was awesome, okay, and was personally responsible for gathering the ghost army, so fuck you, Vriska-coded narrator. You have bad judgment. But that is not a crime of writing, if it is an intentionally biased perspective and not just writers taking cheap shots at a character they don't happen to like. I'm just incredibly tired of it being done habitually and collectively, as a fandom, to that character in particular. Furthermore, I'm really discomfited by the way Tavros's development (am I the only one who remembers him dancing and telling Vriska to suck it?) is completely ignored and de-legitimized by having him immediately fawning on her, trailing around after her, hiding against her shoulder, etc.  Tavros was a victim of emotional and physical abuse, at Vriska's hands.  Can we just agree to stop narratively forcing victims back into contact with their abusers, period? It's not a good look.

Moreover, there's the whole misogyny angle.  When does a story about misogynistic characters (and narrators) doing misogynistic things while misogynistic shit narratively happens start being a critique of misogynistic tropes rather than a tired old rehash?  Every step Jane (allegedly a strong, independent woman, though also stepping into her dictatorial role as 'Heiress') takes is either dictated by Dirk, sent into a complete tailspin that upends her confidence by Jake, or verbally decried as factually wrong and/or stupid by Dave and/or Karkat.  Rose and Kanaya both have their agency overwritten and end up separated from each other through the actions of Dirk, and Rose becomes an extension of Dirk, losing her very selfhood.  Jade is treated as an accessory to the DaveKat trainwreck, simultaneously discounted as actually emotionally relevant and blamed for its ludicrous problems.  She, of course, also ends up having her agency overwritten as she's plunged into a coma and possessed, prevented from actually having reactions to the things that are going on, or taking action for herself. Borrowed!Rose and Jade are KO'd almost instantly in the fight against Lord English, and become either literally erased, or dead weight for a male character to drag around until it's no longer convenient. Terezi admits to wasting a huge amount of time trailing around after Vriska--who was an emotionally abusive gaslighter to her, on the retcon!meteor. (And we're back to victims being constantly evaluated according to their proximity to their abusers again.) Then, she's on to redirecting herself into some quest on John's behalf, instead. She's still not living for herself. Finally, you show me an Aradia who would ever, ever be concerned about 'saying more embarrassing stuff' around Dave, or thinking of him as an ‘outrageously cool dude’, and I'll show you a bridge I'd like to sell you.  That ain't any Aradia I've ever seen. So who’s narrating there, Dirk again? A third party?

Other weird things: apparently Jane's kidnapping in the snapchats just... never gets explained or referenced again? I went back to reread those, and they connected to Meat even more than I realized at first.   I guess Jane grew up to be... exactly what she was raised/groomed to be, which is *uncomfortable* but not particularly shocking.  I feel bad for people who were hoping for happier endings for the human kids, but I don't think I ever really expected Homestuck to serve up happy endings.  I don't buy that things in the snapchat were just thrown in at random, though.  Those elements were there for a reason, and arguing that everything in the snapchats were connected to the epilogues EXCEPT that one major extended plotline doesn't make sense.  Especially when it visually and narratively seems to be a direct link to the events of the Meat storyline. 

Also, where the fuck are the sprites?  We never see or hear from Jasprosesprite, Gcatavrosprite, or the Nannasprite(s?) again. I’m not sure anyone cares, but. Uh. Yeah.

I have other thoughts regarding the classpect-coded language that crops up pretty frequently in the epilogues, but I think I will devote a separate post to that, if I get around to it, given that this *is* at heart a classpecting blog.

So anyway, Meat ends, it's depressing and futile and grim, I get it. I don't like every element, but it hangs together as a story with a narrative, overall.

Then we get to Candy.

Hoo boy.

I’ll tackle that one next, but as it was considerably more upsetting for me to read, rereading it for fact-checks and commentary is going to be a lot harder for me.  I’ll get through it here sooner or later, though.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

What Men Want

So first off, I thought this movie was going to be so cringey. I expected nothing less from director Adam Shankman, who you may know as the director and choreographer of Hairspray and who I may know as my favorite guest judge on the best seasons of So You Think You Can Dance. What Men Want is the gender-flipped version of the 2000 Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want. The answer to that movie’s question was 1) for men to just like, listen, and also not be assholes? and 2) stop letting Mel Gibson be in movies. Well it’s 19 years later, and at least we got half of one of those things still going strong. So what’s the answer to the 2019 version, which sees Ali Davis (Taraji P. Henson) suddenly privy to all the innermost thoughts of every man she’s near? Well...

Treat them like people? Like, with respect and dignity? I think that’s what the film was getting at, but it’s sort of obscured by all the bro-y dick jokes, racism, and misogyny. 

Some thoughts: 

I’ll be honest with you - I thought this was going to be SO stupid but honestly, this giant conference room full of men in which Ali is one of maybe 2 or 3 women in it? Yeah, that’s WAYYY too many men and this vibe is so real. So there are at least some glimmers of an actual point to this movie’s whole existence.

Also Taraji P. Henson’s wardrobe is incredible. She’s like a beacon of awesome style in the midst of all these boring suits. She’s magnetic, she’s vivacious, and I have no idea how anyone would possibly pick one of these boring dudebros over her, given the option.

Ok but wait, I mean, it sucks that she didn’t get the promotion but you can’t just call all your coworkers backstabbing bitches. That’s an HR violation, not cool, girl.

Damn Aldis Hodge is so charming and hot as Ali’s love interest, Will. I’ve loved him since season 1 of Supernatural and he just keeps getting better with age. He’s smooth, disarming, and the kind of hot that feels accessible, you know? This first sex scene is truly terrifying though - and I know you’re an A-list star now, but no one keeps their bra on, Taraji. Nothing feels less realistic in a sex scene than that.

Honestly the entire condom-on-the-back sequence is so horrifyingly unprofessional, it’s no wonder Ali didn’t get this promotion.

The main reason this film is rated R is because men are gross, and I just feel like everyone in the room deserves better than this. 

As far as performances go, though, everyone feels a little bit uneven or off their game with the exception of Hodge and Erykah Badhu, who is clearly having the time of her motherfucking life here as the psychic who helps guide Ali through her newly acquired men-hearing powers. But Taraji is pinballing between manic and brooding in almost every scene, and she doesn’t quite have the physical comedy chops of say, Aisha Tyler, or even Gabrielle Union to help sell this implausible premise when the script is lacking. I think I might enjoy her more as unintentionally funny rather than purposefully funny. Pete Davidson and Max Greenfield are basically just phoning in their supporting roles. And while watching athletes play exaggerated versions of themselves is delightful, no one is giving Reggie Miller or Shaq an Oscar for their performances here.

This soundtrack is very basic, very obvious song choices but damn, there are some good cuts here - like “Bills, Bills, Bills” during the poker scene, hell YES.

I know this is nitpicky, but it feels weird that the punchline to Kellan Lutz’s big “ooh let’s have a spontaneous hookup” scene is 1) he’s into BDSM and 2) he’s so serious about it that he has a whole room devoted to it. Like, it does not take an expert in the field to clearly see that there ain’t NO WAY that man buckled himself into all that gear in the 2 minutes it took her in the bathroom. So not only is your punchline lame, obvious, and totally off the mark when it comes to actual BDSM practices (because none of that was safe, sane, OR consensual), but it also doesn’t logically make any sense. I will admit that it made me laugh in the credits when his character’s actual credited name was “Captain Fucktastic” though. 

Turns out, even after all these years, I still hate hearing anything that comes out of Tracy Morgan’s mouth.

This promo video is so embarrassing, it looks like it was made on racist iMovie. Big booty hos and gold chains are the only way to get a young black basketball player to sign with you, right? God, it would be embarrassing for them if it wasn’t so damn appalling. 

Is the only narrative for sports agents pulling a Jerry Maguire and going free agent? That’s the plot of actual Jerry Maguire, Ballers, and now this. Are there any sports agents that just...stay where they are? How do they even get anything done if everyone’s just waiting for everyone else to Jerry Maguire?

Also, anything and everything having to do with queer issues in this film is pretty fucked up. Ali’s assistant Brandon (Josh Brener) is gay, and when he starts to date a fellow employee, per Ali’s mind-reading suggestion, they share one spinning hug, and that’s it. There’s no other expressions of desire or affection, not even one kiss, as there would be for any straight couple that Ali played matchmaker for. There’s also a revelation during a big wedding scene at the end where Ali gets drunk, decides THEN is the best time to stop the wedding (not in the weeks leading up to it when she definitely could have) and reveals a whole host of secret affairs, including one woman’s husband sleeping with another man. It’s played as THE most shocking revelation - a spectator literally faints - and the woman angrily accuses her husband of kissing her after he was sucking dick. It’s meant to be hilariously *shocking* but the pattern of jokes throughout the movie just feels gross and homophobic and woefully outdated.

I will say I’m glad there’s at least some acknowledgement of the intersection of race and gender and how it has affected Ali’s career in the film. I had hoped that this movie would use Ali’s powers to better undermine and exploit all the bullshit she has to put up with as a black woman working in a white male-dominated field, but I suppose even acknowledging intersectionality directly is a big get for a major studio movie.

The main message of the story is that black women literally have to have supernatural powers granted to them to have the chance to advance to the same level as a mediocre white man.

Also the ending is super abrupt because they clearly didn’t know how to end it besides just “aaaaaand everything is resolved!” 

What Men Want is uneven, but at least engages with some deeper issues than its Mel Gibson predecessor. It has its moments of humor (Shaq thinking about himself in the third person just GETS ME) but overall I don’t know that this movie is what men OR women really want.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2018 Anime Overview: Continuing Series- Golden Kamuy Season 2 and Banana Fish

Golden Kamuy Season 2

If you enjoyed the first season, this is pretty much more of the same, so check out my review of season one to know what to expect.

Though I guess you could say this portion of the season DOES lean even harder into weirdness than the first one did. There’s not many anime where you’ll see two dudes having the time of their lives modeling fashionable outfits made out of human skin, which include...crotch appendages...only in Golden Kamuy y’all.

Interestingly bizarreness tends to overlap with queerness a lot in this season and its hard to know how to feel about it. For instance, it’s definitely an unexpected revelation that dudes are attracted to Lieutenant Tsurumi like whoa. 

IDK apparently he’s a catch. Half of his subordinates are in love with him. It’s handled as comical and of course the dudes are mentally unbalanced weirdos (as is everyone in Golden Kamuy except Asirpa and Sugimoto only sometimes) and one of them dies, but the show is never overtly mean to them either. Nobody acts disgusted about it and when one character observes the attraction, he basically shrugs about it.

 Satoru Noda apparently also REALLY loose with his fixation with dudes muscles with this part of the story, to the point we got the beef-cakiest hotsprings episode I’ve ever seen, which includes an extended fight scene where the male characters were naked throughout. There’s also an entire scene where apparently otter meat is an aphrodisiac that causes the dudes to be really into each other, so they engage in nearly naked sumo wrestling.

This is all clearly supposed to be wacky and funny, but at the same time it’s pretty clear the mangaka must REALLY LIKE drawing these scenes of muscular, naked men, and I support him following his dreams. Also I won’t deny it’s refreshing to see a hot springs episode where not a single woman got objectified, but there was dude oglin’ a plenty. It healed me a little.

I guess while we’re talking about this show and its weird relationship with queerness I should reporting that my prediction was right and the trans woman I mentioned in the previous review did become an ally. Her transness hasn’t been bought up again (though for some reason the subs decided to switch to “he” despite sticking with “she” before) and her role is pretty minor, she does reveal she’s skilled in both cooking and surgery (because she likes dismembering people) and talks about how great it would be to see people murdered every so often, so pretty much more of the same.

And that’s really all there is to say. Golden Kamuy has only gotten weirder and the plot only more convoluted (I’m starting to have a hard time keeping track of the characters tbh), but it’s an entertaining story and there’s still characters with resonance and heart underneath it all (the scene where Sugimoto discusses his trauma from being in the war with Asirpa genuinely tugged a heartstring. These two are still great and have really settled into a kinda of adorable dad-daughter dynamic at this point) and the historical and cultural research that went into this story is still amazing. 

I can tell the anime’s still skipping a lot of the manga (most of volume 7 was completely skipped), but since the English release of the manga is so slow, I’m happy to watch it in the meantime. It helps that the show has a bangin’ soundtrack and and it managed to pull its ginormous cast together for some truly exciting and action packed final episodes that left me eager for more. 

Banana Fish (13-24)

Again, if you read my review for the first half of the show, you can basically expect more of the same, both with the good and especially the bad parts. We do get more downtime with Ash and Eiji’s relationship, and they continued to make me think this show would be so much better if it focused more on these quiet scenes rather than on piling as much trauma on Ash as it possibly can. 

I think this second half did allow me to see what was compelling about Ash and Eiji’s relationship and why it’s stayed with so many people. When Ash explained that he’s finally found someone who will love him without expecting anything in return, so of course he’s willing to do anything for that person, that got me in the heart. Ash is someone who has either been viewed as a threat or someone to exploit- he’s especially used to being treated like he’s nothing more than a body, a receptacle for desires. Eiji isn’t afraid of Ash, or in awe of him, and never asks anything of him other than for him to be okay and by his side. Ash genuinely can just be a dumb teenager with him while he can’t with anyone else. Eiji is an outsider, to Ash’s gang-bangin’ world, to his culture in general, and that allows him to see Ash as he truly is, just a kid who needs to get out of this mess.

The romantic in me really loves that concept, and as an ace person, I especially connect to the underlying implication that Eiji is a romantic partner who isn’t going to demand sex from Ash or try to force him into it. Though Ash’s implied desire to avoid sex almost certainly stems from trauma, I know how he feels in a broad sense. And I think it’s a thing a lot of women can relate to even if they aren’t ace, wanting to find a relationship where they aren’t used or objectified, so it goes back around to how Ash acts as kind of a representation for the anxieties and desires of (likely) the mangaka and many women despite being a male character, and I still find that very interesting. The scene where Ash has a complete breakdown and screams at his rapist while laughing hysterically was really affecting.

So there’s moments of real resonance here, but is it worth the bullshit surrounding it, which includes every single gay man being represented as a rapist, to the point a gay bar is connected to a child porn ring? The nasty implication that gay sex is inherently evil and non-consensual, and Ash and Eiji’s relationship is only okay because they’re not doing it is very strong, and as much as this ace appreciates a romance that doesn’t require sex, I don’t want it THIS way.

There’s also some SERIOUS anti-Semitic bullshit that I can’t believe MAPPA didn’t edit out in a couple episodes. Like it would have been so easy to cut. Also some more pretty rough scenes of black men being murdered (they’re extras this time at least, and the main black dude for this part of the anime miraculously manages to both survive and not be an offensive caricature. Also his name is Cain Blood which is the best name in this story, and possibly ever). 

The second half of the anime also involved some of the more absurd elements worsening. I got REALLY tired of every character commenting on how hot and amazing Ash is like. I GET IT.  Also Ash’s life of being sexually exploited somehow gives him the ability to seduce any man holding him captive, and every bad guy is down for raping a teenage boy, I guess. It’s actually again, a little surreal to see these tropes with a male character. I’m used to seeing hot female characters who’ve been through sexual trauma and have magic seduction powers and are endlessly drooled over...I almost want guys to watch these segments so they can see how uncomfortable it feels when the tables are turned. 

There’s also some really good examples of ACTUAL jarring tone shifts, where the anime really fails to land some of its attempts at a funny, light moment in the midst of really tense and tragic situations. I think it’s possible the manga managed this better, but I can’t imagine the “joke” where Ash has to crossdress and a male doctor gropes him and Ash punches him out cold and his friends chortle and tell him he’s not a gentle woman could ever be done in a non jarring way. Like, I don’t like sexual harassment humor in anime at the best of times, but it’s especially bad when the person who is harassed has been raped more times than he can count.  We’re expected to take that seriously, but not this, because Ash is in a dress? It’s also like, appalling that his friends who are fully aware of his history would laugh about him getting assaulted again. It’s a moment that feels like it comes from a completely different anime. 

So um, yeah. My conclusion is those resonant moments are not worth the bullshit. The ending really cemented this for me. I had an (admittedly overly flippant) reaction that kind of sums my feelings up. Let’s just say I HATE meaningless cruel tragedy for the sake of tragedy, and I especially hate the implication abuse victims can never find happiness. 

I can’t say Banana Fish is an anime I’ll think fondly of or recommend. I do still find the discussion about it interesting, much more interesting than the actual story (as presented in the anime, again, haven’t read the manga), tbh. And I can see the seeds of a good story there, and I can understand why fans would want to see a reboot that truly modernized the story, cutting out the worst stuff and giving it a better ending, while keeping the resonance of the main relationship and the good characters (I really did like Sing, and Yut Lung was interesting. Shorter and Skip both deserved way better. Also Jessica, who at least got to do something besides be victimized at the last minute. One whole female character got a few moments of agency. Hallelujah.) Maybe someday it will happen. 

In the meantime, there’s a bunch of cool articles on Banana Fish that are worth a read. All of the pieces published on animefeminist as well as this post on Otaku, She Wrote are really informative, illuminating, and break down a lot of the issues I found here.

[wineanddinosaur]

Jarod Sleet Is Proving There Are Many Types of Wine Drinkers — ‘Not a Monolith’

Jarod Sleet is the assistant winemaker for ROCO Winery nestled in Newberg, Ore., within the Dundee Hills AVA. Sleet has spent the last three and a half years heavily involved in nearly every aspect of the winery’s functions. From hiring harvest interns, to hand-harvesting grapes and printing labels, to facilitating wine tasting events for club members, Sleet really does it all — and much more. One of Oregon’s most highly rated wineries, ROCO has a heavy focus on sparkling wines, which are a favorite of Sleet’s.

Sleet was born and raised in Kentucky, where cooking was a huge part of his culture and upbringing. At the age of 20, he wanted to change up his scenery, so in 2002 he sold his belongings and moved out to the Pacific Northwest, ultimately landing in Portland, Ore. During this time, he was doing a lot of introspection — ultimately establishing his Queer identity.

After turning 21, he pursued culinary arts, which very well led to his passion for wine. Sleet is truly a shining star in the Willamette Valley, consistently breaking down barriers in hopes of creating a better pathway for those who come after him.

VinePair chatted with Sleet about his journey in the wine industry thus far and what we can expect from him in the future.

[Ed. note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.]

1. What does an assistant winemaker do, and how unique has this position been for you?

I think the role of an assistant winemaker differs a lot depending on where you’re at. Here at ROCO Winery, we’re pretty small — larger than boutique, but still fairly small — and I do a little bit of everything. Most of the year, I am the only one in production. Then the harvest time comes around, so we hire three interns for six to eight weeks, then they’re gone again.

The job includes managing the small plot in front of the winery by hand-harvesting those grapes, operating forklifts, operating machines, running analysis for the winemaking processes, and so much more. I’ve even led wine tasting events for our club members for the holidays. It is awesome to experience each aspect from grape to bottle to tasting rooms, and being able to explain that process to people is an amazing experience.

2. What has been your favorite vintage out of any of the three Oregon wineries you either currently work for or have previously worked for?

This is a really tough question because I feel like I’ve learned so many different things at each place. I feel that my internship with Archery Summit in 2013 was the most interesting, though, because it was a dual-internship. I worked for three months in the vineyard as a viticulture technician and then transitioned into the cellar as a lab tech. I got the opportunity to use my science background for the lab tech to run analysis, as well as my agricultural background for the viticultural side. Through and through, I would say it was such a well-rounded experience. I got to apply so much knowledge into action — it was great.

2013 was a fairly cool vintage from the end of summer into fall, with a lot of rain from mid-September into October. You could notice drastic differences in wines from this vintage throughout the Willamette Valley due to when producers decided to pick their grapes.

3. Who have been three of your greatest mentors in life, and what has been your biggest takeaway from each?

Well for one, I loved both of my grandmothers, rest their souls, and my dad’s mother Irene Sleet was my first mentor in life. She had such an amazingly positive influence and impact on my upbringing. Her coaching me about gardening and cooking at a young age truly helped inspire me in so many ways, as my love for food and hospitality was born through those experiences and drove me to pursue cooking professionally as a result. She was also a strong independent Black woman whom I love and respect so much.

Second is my professor, James Cassidy at Oregon State University, who was a soil scientist. I learned an enormous amount from him, and he carried himself as having such a positive outlook on life. He did an amazing job of helping me network with people in this area and is probably one of the reasons why I’m here in this role today. He introduced me to a number of winemakers and grape growers in the Willamette Valley, which opened that door for me to really thrive, so I’m grateful for him.

Lastly, my boss now — Rollin Soles — who is the owner and winemaker of ROCO Winery. He’s an incredible person with a great sense of humor, a wealth of knowledge, and working for him has been awesome.

4. What has changed in your workplace since the pandemic has started, and how have you adjusted?

This has been an ongoing adjustment throughout the year. The production time of the year has been fairly unchanged, as I’m socially distant in the cellar on my own by design. I do share an office, but we are well over six feet apart, and we maintain wearing masks whenever we’re in the office. We stagger our lunches so we minimize contact with each other.

The biggest change has been to how we handled harvest this year. Normally, we have a large gathering, where everyone from vineyard to sales gets together to have food, a glass of wine, and camaraderie. That was unable to happen this year. Maintaining the safety and wellness of everyone is definitely our priority, so albeit it’s different nowadays, hopefully we will get back to some sense of normalcy in the future.

5. Do you have any aspirations that you would like to achieve within the next 10 years?

Absolutely! I would love to take over the wine program here at ROCO Winery one day or even start my own label. There’s so much I feel I have to learn, and applying real-world experience will definitely help, too. I’d say five years is a realistic timeline to do this, because by then, it will be possible for me to gather the experience needed. We’ll see how it goes.

6. What’s been the most difficult part of your career so far?

Establishing myself here on the West Coast away from my family has been one of the most challenging things for me to do, in general. In my career, it has been proving that I should be here. On paper, I have the knowledge, so applying that physically, as well as knowing that I can succeed, has been the biggest obstacle to overcome.

7. Who has been your greatest supporter throughout your journey in wine?

My mother! She’s been my greatest support in everything in life. She’s always the one who’s like, “You’ve got this.” Having that person believe in you is amazing. She would even encourage her friends to frequently buy wine from the places I’ve worked for, so that’s been really great!

8. Do you feel like the wine industry has done enough to provide adequate inclusivity in Black and Brown persons?

Short answer: no. Long answer: It is a realization that the industry is having, and it is still in its infancy.

9. What is it like being a Black man in the winemaking side of the business?

Well, sometimes it seems like a lonely road. I don’t see a lot of people that look like me in Oregon in general, so in the wine industry it isn’t much different. There’s definitely a greater presence of Black and Queer winemakers in California, but I am oftentimes the only person of color in the room and feeling like, “do I belong?”

I won’t say that I’ve been made to feel like I shouldn’t be here, but it is a battle with myself sometimes, as I have to affirm with myself that I have a seat at the table. Overall, in my experience, my voice is heard, I’m respected among my colleagues, and people do seek my input to add diversity to work that we’re doing here in the Willamette Valley.

10. What is the greatest thing you aim to bring and continue to bring to the wine industry?

Accessibility of wine. There are many facets to this idea, but one of the first points is having more financially accessible wines which could help capture a larger and more diverse audience. Then, we can work on how people perceive wine drinkers. I want the wine to become more fun and not as structured, so we can diversify the people that drink wine. For example, my buddy Bertony of Abbey Creek Wine hosts a hip hop and wine night. It would be amazing to show the world that there are many forms of wine drinkers and not a monolith.

11. Beyond where you work and the wines that you make, what have you been drinking lately?

I am a bourbon guy at heart. When I’m not drinking a lot of wine for blendings and tastings, I’m typically drinking bourbon, as that’s one thing me and my dad share. We’ll send bottles of bourbon back and forth to compare and contrast, and when I come home, we visit distilleries. My go-to lately has been a newer distillery called Rabbit Hole. They’ve just made it out to Oregon, and they have sherry-cask bourbon that is really delicious.

I’m also still trying more sparkling wines. Every time I go to the shop or the market I aim to try something new to diversify my exposure because there are a lot of wineries in the Willamette Valley making sparkling wines now. Exploring local bubbles has been fun!

The article Jarod Sleet Is Proving There Are Many Types of Wine Drinkers — ‘Not a Monolith’ appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/jarod-sleet-roco-winery/

[johnboothus]

Jarod Sleet Is Proving There Are Many Types of Wine Drinkers Not a Monolith

Jarod Sleet is the assistant winemaker for ROCO Winery nestled in Newberg, Ore., within the Dundee Hills AVA. Sleet has spent the last three and a half years heavily involved in nearly every aspect of the winery’s functions. From hiring harvest interns, to hand-harvesting grapes and printing labels, to facilitating wine tasting events for club members, Sleet really does it all — and much more. One of Oregon’s most highly rated wineries, ROCO has a heavy focus on sparkling wines, which are a favorite of Sleet’s.

Sleet was born and raised in Kentucky, where cooking was a huge part of his culture and upbringing. At the age of 20, he wanted to change up his scenery, so in 2002 he sold his belongings and moved out to the Pacific Northwest, ultimately landing in Portland, Ore. During this time, he was doing a lot of introspection — ultimately establishing his Queer identity.

After turning 21, he pursued culinary arts, which very well led to his passion for wine. Sleet is truly a shining star in the Willamette Valley, consistently breaking down barriers in hopes of creating a better pathway for those who come after him.

VinePair chatted with Sleet about his journey in the wine industry thus far and what we can expect from him in the future.

[Ed. note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.]

1. What does an assistant winemaker do, and how unique has this position been for you?

I think the role of an assistant winemaker differs a lot depending on where you’re at. Here at ROCO Winery, we’re pretty small — larger than boutique, but still fairly small — and I do a little bit of everything. Most of the year, I am the only one in production. Then the harvest time comes around, so we hire three interns for six to eight weeks, then they’re gone again.

The job includes managing the small plot in front of the winery by hand-harvesting those grapes, operating forklifts, operating machines, running analysis for the winemaking processes, and so much more. I’ve even led wine tasting events for our club members for the holidays. It is awesome to experience each aspect from grape to bottle to tasting rooms, and being able to explain that process to people is an amazing experience.

2. What has been your favorite vintage out of any of the three Oregon wineries you either currently work for or have previously worked for?

This is a really tough question because I feel like I’ve learned so many different things at each place. I feel that my internship with Archery Summit in 2013 was the most interesting, though, because it was a dual-internship. I worked for three months in the vineyard as a viticulture technician and then transitioned into the cellar as a lab tech. I got the opportunity to use my science background for the lab tech to run analysis, as well as my agricultural background for the viticultural side. Through and through, I would say it was such a well-rounded experience. I got to apply so much knowledge into action — it was great.

2013 was a fairly cool vintage from the end of summer into fall, with a lot of rain from mid-September into October. You could notice drastic differences in wines from this vintage throughout the Willamette Valley due to when producers decided to pick their grapes.

3. Who have been three of your greatest mentors in life, and what has been your biggest takeaway from each?

Well for one, I loved both of my grandmothers, rest their souls, and my dad’s mother Irene Sleet was my first mentor in life. She had such an amazingly positive influence and impact on my upbringing. Her coaching me about gardening and cooking at a young age truly helped inspire me in so many ways, as my love for food and hospitality was born through those experiences and drove me to pursue cooking professionally as a result. She was also a strong independent Black woman whom I love and respect so much.

Second is my professor, James Cassidy at Oregon State University, who was a soil scientist. I learned an enormous amount from him, and he carried himself as having such a positive outlook on life. He did an amazing job of helping me network with people in this area and is probably one of the reasons why I’m here in this role today. He introduced me to a number of winemakers and grape growers in the Willamette Valley, which opened that door for me to really thrive, so I’m grateful for him.

Lastly, my boss now — Rollin Soles — who is the owner and winemaker of ROCO Winery. He’s an incredible person with a great sense of humor, a wealth of knowledge, and working for him has been awesome.

4. What has changed in your workplace since the pandemic has started, and how have you adjusted?

This has been an ongoing adjustment throughout the year. The production time of the year has been fairly unchanged, as I’m socially distant in the cellar on my own by design. I do share an office, but we are well over six feet apart, and we maintain wearing masks whenever we’re in the office. We stagger our lunches so we minimize contact with each other.

The biggest change has been to how we handled harvest this year. Normally, we have a large gathering, where everyone from vineyard to sales gets together to have food, a glass of wine, and camaraderie. That was unable to happen this year. Maintaining the safety and wellness of everyone is definitely our priority, so albeit it’s different nowadays, hopefully we will get back to some sense of normalcy in the future.

5. Do you have any aspirations that you would like to achieve within the next 10 years?

Absolutely! I would love to take over the wine program here at ROCO Winery one day or even start my own label. There’s so much I feel I have to learn, and applying real-world experience will definitely help, too. I’d say five years is a realistic timeline to do this, because by then, it will be possible for me to gather the experience needed. We’ll see how it goes.

6. What’s been the most difficult part of your career so far?

Establishing myself here on the West Coast away from my family has been one of the most challenging things for me to do, in general. In my career, it has been proving that I should be here. On paper, I have the knowledge, so applying that physically, as well as knowing that I can succeed, has been the biggest obstacle to overcome.

7. Who has been your greatest supporter throughout your journey in wine?

My mother! She’s been my greatest support in everything in life. She’s always the one who’s like, “You’ve got this.” Having that person believe in you is amazing. She would even encourage her friends to frequently buy wine from the places I’ve worked for, so that’s been really great!

8. Do you feel like the wine industry has done enough to provide adequate inclusivity in Black and Brown persons?

Short answer: no. Long answer: It is a realization that the industry is having, and it is still in its infancy.

9. What is it like being a Black man in the winemaking side of the business?

Well, sometimes it seems like a lonely road. I don’t see a lot of people that look like me in Oregon in general, so in the wine industry it isn’t much different. There’s definitely a greater presence of Black and Queer winemakers in California, but I am oftentimes the only person of color in the room and feeling like, “do I belong?”

I won’t say that I’ve been made to feel like I shouldn’t be here, but it is a battle with myself sometimes, as I have to affirm with myself that I have a seat at the table. Overall, in my experience, my voice is heard, I’m respected among my colleagues, and people do seek my input to add diversity to work that we’re doing here in the Willamette Valley.

10. What is the greatest thing you aim to bring and continue to bring to the wine industry?

Accessibility of wine. There are many facets to this idea, but one of the first points is having more financially accessible wines which could help capture a larger and more diverse audience. Then, we can work on how people perceive wine drinkers. I want the wine to become more fun and not as structured, so we can diversify the people that drink wine. For example, my buddy Bertony of Abbey Creek Wine hosts a hip hop and wine night. It would be amazing to show the world that there are many forms of wine drinkers and not a monolith.

11. Beyond where you work and the wines that you make, what have you been drinking lately?

I am a bourbon guy at heart. When I’m not drinking a lot of wine for blendings and tastings, I’m typically drinking bourbon, as that’s one thing me and my dad share. We’ll send bottles of bourbon back and forth to compare and contrast, and when I come home, we visit distilleries. My go-to lately has been a newer distillery called Rabbit Hole. They’ve just made it out to Oregon, and they have sherry-cask bourbon that is really delicious.

I’m also still trying more sparkling wines. Every time I go to the shop or the market I aim to try something new to diversify my exposure because there are a lot of wineries in the Willamette Valley making sparkling wines now. Exploring local bubbles has been fun!

The article Jarod Sleet Is Proving There Are Many Types of Wine Drinkers — ‘Not a Monolith’ appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/jarod-sleet-roco-winery/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/jarod-sleet-is-proving-there-are-many-types-of-wine-drinkers-not-a-monolith